#i am sure this has all been said before somewhere i just. think abt it!!!

[haunthouse]

also, because i'm still thinking about the disco elysium kids:

i think the difference in how people react to cuno vs cunoesse is really so indicative of peoples' reactions in general to trauma survivors. they're both kids who scream at you and call you slurs, but cuno will open up to you a little if you talk to him the right way and pass the right checks and give him time. and you can go to cuno's apartment and find out exactly what's caused him to act that way; you can see his dad and hear about how his dad acts and go "well, his behavior is still shitty, but he's 12 and i know why he acts that way, so it's fine", and then harry can take him back to jamrock with him and presumably into a life that's at least slightly better than his life in martinaise.

but i've seen (mostly outside of tumblr) a lot of people who play the game absolutely hate cunoesse, and i think it's because you don't get such an easy explanation for why she acts how she does? she screams and calls you slurs, too, but she won't let you get close to her. she freaks out if you even walk near her and accuses you of trying to hurt her. you don't get to find her house or her parents or an easy explanation, and she's not about to give you any potential ammo to hurt her further with by explaining what's happened to her. and it's pretty clear if you look for it — a 10 year old isn't just gonna accuse any adult who walks near her of attempted assault unless some real bad shit has happened to them — but because she isn't able to be can-opened by harry, isn't willing to calm down and talk to you, isn't able to let her guard down to give the audience insight into her mind, she's immediately seen as less sympathetic. people empathize more with those who respond to trauma with sadness than with anger, even when both of the subjects are little kids, and i think it's fucked up that just because she's angry cunoesse gets less sympathy from the audience than cuno does!!

(also not to mention like. the additional axes of gender, and of her being from outside of revachol, and of the different types of abuse at play for each of them. because i'm sure that all also plays a part in the differing reactions in-universe and on an audience level!)

[steffigraf]

warning for a clearly anxiety-ridden oversharing freakout below the cut. sorry. i’m too sensitive and i’m unfortunately acutely aware of it.

tldr; im being a drama queen. gonna take a tumblr break for a week or two. to my mutuals, feel free to dm for my insta. i’ll be active until i wake up tomorrow morning and then i’m gonna zip

gonna preface this by saying this is in no way directed to the people whom i actually talk to constantly on here like you lot were lovely and im just dealing with a lot of demons in my head :(

anyway. sometimes i feel more like a product manufacturer than a person on here. and idk. i know most of you guys are really just following me for gifs and content and whatever but. yeah. idk. i guess the things i say don’t matter to anyone unless it’s funny. or if people want to call me out. not that im mad abt that exactly btw i do appreciate when people respectfully call me out for my own mistakes but. sometimes. i feel like im in a fishbowl and you’re all just waiting for me to say something wrong and cancel me. or then again, maybe most of you already think im a shit person and you just stay for the gifs. or maybe you guys think i’m a loser who has nothing to do but spend all day on this goddamn website.

and i know, somewhere inside me, that that’s not true and that it’s clearly the anxiety talking. maybe it’s just me maybe i’m making this up in my head i dunno. but i’m just kinda tired right now. too tired to battle the anxiety like usual at least. and i don’t really feel wanted outside of the content i produce, beyond the notes of my gifs or my fun posts. which ik shouldn’t matter but. i’m a pathological people pleaser etc etc.

(god, seeing this all typed out, i can’t even fucking blame you guys if you actly don’t like me cause. i kinda wanna shake myself by the shoulders and tell myself get a grip girl the world doesn’t revolve around you shut up shut up shut your damn mouth—)

i’ve been trying to manage by unfollowing and blocking a few people (which btw, if i did that to you and we used to be mutuals, it’s probably nothing personal i mostly just kept people i’m a bit closer to). but i’m still not really settled. and considering how i’m posting like every other day about feeling like shit, you guys probably figured that out lmao.

and well. on a separate note. seeing that rat’s name alone is too much for me sometimes. i couldn’t watch his game with carlos. i spent hours in his match with daniil turned away from the television, wearing noise canceling headphones while trying (and failing) to talk myself down from a full blown anxiety attack. i’ve said this before but the way people talk about him, both the fucked up silence and the justified outrage, it reminds me way too much about a family problem i have right now. hits uncomfortably close to home. prior to this i kinda thought i’d made my peace with the whole family situation but no apparently not. had he won the semis, i wasn’t even sure if i would be able to stomach cheering for jannik if it meant having to watch that man play.

so. idk. between the way actual tennis has been making me feel and the way tennisblr in general has seemed for me lately, i figure i need some space.

long story short ive been spending way too much time on tumblr this ao. and its gotten really bad for my mental health i guess. so i think i need to take maybe a week or two, to clear my head. watch tennis without opening this app every other point. spend time with people i love. get back to therapy. try to be a functioning adult.

(this is so fucking dramatic for a goddamn week of no tumblr i know that and i want to smack myself upside the head because why am i like this why do i make things snowball why why why—)

anyway. yeah. that’s it. if you actually read through all of that then. thanks. if not it’s okay too.

to my mutuals, the ones whom i’ve had at least some form of friendly interaction with in replies or dms, you can ask for my insta account btw. not that i’m crazy active on there but like. if you guys wanna be friends beyond the anonymity of this yknow. no pressure though.

[foxboyclit]

fox i have decided to bother you for storyteller saturday this week, bc modern au obedience has destroyed my brain, and im sure you've posted *something* about it before, but i want to inflict modern au Nydalla's on you. because. ruthless businesswoman Minisstra...

that's all i've got but you know. i am. Contemplating

(pretend there's a question in here somewhere)

i posted something abt modern au Nydallas and tbh i havent come up with much else other than Vibes but heres some more bullet points for you:

Iphis is somewhere in his mid 20s and Minnies in her mid 40s

the times either of them were recovering from surgery were hell for other internet users. the amount of rancid drama a single tranny stuck on the couch can manifest is astronomical

Minisstras fashion is p much all sleek black dresses with silver jewelry

just swap the rise and fall of Menzo Houses with like...the stock exchange and thats what theyre constantly freaking out over

she'd text like an Old Lady with some modern slang/memes jarringly thrown in based on whatever Iphis recently explained to her. like how does she know what hot girl summer means

Iphis is just getting into trouble and hooking up with various people while shes at work

his phone is just full of those texts like "wow there's nothing i like about you" "tell me more~" "this isnt sexting" "its better than sexting". youve seen those compilations im sure. insufferable man

@hyenagirlbulge's stellar addition: Iphis is a Harvard business school dropout

bonus: Iphis' tumblr would probably be something like spiderboyhole bc i think its funny. its all black and purple aesthetic selfies. hes been banned multiple times for starting fights and being too horny for tumblr

i get what you said about vivien bc when you take the spider mommy death cult indoctrination out theyre like....So Much Worse

[transprincecaspian]

wip whenever

was tagged by @greypetrel, here is an old wip of a d&d character's backstory featuring an ex-situationship? idk what terms the kids use. thinking abt cleaning it up. sexual content mentioned but like it's not explicit. idk teen rating ig. POV is a trans man btw

————————————

The warmth of K’yokos’s breath on my neck drove me insane. He insisted on holding me in his bed like a lover, when I would rather get up and clean myself off before he grows too comfortable with me in his arms. If he falls asleep, he’ll be even more agitated when I pry myself away from him. His arms were a heavy weight across my side, and a lump I laid against while I pretended to be pleased with his performance. I never am. 

“I need to get dressed,” I hissed when I had enough of him breathing on me. I couldn’t stand it, the warmth on the back of my neck. The feeling of him looming behind me, and holding me down. I threw his arm off from around me and stood up, ignoring his requests to get back into the bed with him.

“Where are you going?” K’yokos complained. He sat up in the bed, not bothering to grab the furs to cover himself. There hadn’t been much need for modesty between us in years. “You come home from your missions, share the bed with me, and then you are gone again seemingly before I have the chance to blink. Is the thought of staying a full night with me truly so horrible?”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. K’yokos wasn’t the one who was being sent away to Khorvaire every few weeks. K’yokos also wasn’t the one who had political ground to cover; Larniss had made sure of that when she threw me to the wayside in her grapple for control of the Council of War. 

“I have to speak with Tazdrin,” I said. The one responsible for overseeing my ventures outside Xen’drik, he hadn’t summoned me at all. I just didn’t want to give K’yokos the chance to try to convince me to stay. He always did. Tonight would be no different. Behind me, I heard the bed creak as K’yokos rolled out of it. “He has another task for me,”

“Another one so soon?” K’yokos grumbled. I could hear the irritation in his tone as he joined me at the edge of the bed. I tugged my leather trousers up over the dips in my hips, silently cursing the fact that I could feel his eyes on me. “Did you not bring back that healer? Is that not good enough for them? For you? You could decline to go out again, I know it. Your superiors are pleased.”

At least someone is pleased. I glanced up to the mirror that leans precariously against the wall. I know that K’yokos didn’t care much for vanity. Likewise, I knew that it was something he had acquired for me, after every tryst that I would spend complaining that I could not preen over myself before I left his quarters. It was a thoughtful gift, in more ways than one; at least I could see my own reflection when K’yokos was disappointing me in the throes of his own passions. 

Now I could see the lines of worry etched into his face as he wrapped his arms around me again. I fought a grimace. It was his way of distracting me from dressing. My shirt and my cloak were still abandoned somewhere on the floor, but at least my hair was still tied up, even if terribly disheveled. “You know very well why I will continue to heed Tazdrin’s summons. If I can truly find some way to put a stop to this conflict, they will have no choice but to allow my advancement in the Council of War.”

His breath was against my neck again, and his hands were warm as they roamed my bare waistline, but his tone had turned suddenly frosty. “Again with this political intrigue. You could put it aside. Larniss made a move to advance herself; so what? Why do you need to get back at her so terribly?”

“She was supposed to be my friend,” I snapped. I pushed his hands off of me again and stood up, abandoning him on the edge of the bed. The distance between us seemed suddenly less like a few steps and more like a ravine as I fished my shirt off of the floor. It was inside out from K’yokos’s haste–or maybe my own. I couldn’t remember. I quickly turned it the right way and tugged it over my head. “And it is not about ‘getting back’ at her. It is about restoring the respect and the acumen that I lost when she made a mockery of me!”

“So you are going to keep perpetually throwing yourself headlong into danger until you feel that it has been restored?” His retort sent a flame right into the pit of my stomach. “You are going to get yourself killed one day, Ranaghar.”

“And I suppose you would prefer it if I remained idle and in place, content to spend every night here with you!” Normally I would not be so blunt with my words, but I had enough of K’yokos’s cowardly pining. I wanted him to say what he meant. “Where has your courage gone? Or is that what you are sheathing inside of me on the nights I choose to be with you?”

I could see his reflection in the mirror behind me, but I chose not to. I focused on my own face. My own body. Every inch of it was mine to do with as I pleased, and what didn’t please me was of no interest. I was more rugged than I had been the last time I warmed his bed; weeks and months living abroad and in the wilderness had done that to me. My shoulders were stronger, my arms and hands quicker, my feet lighter, but nothing could wash out the plush weight that gathered at my stomach, my thighs. Not that I wanted it to. It was another form of weaponry, if I so pleased, and I would direct every inch of it at K’yokos until he learned that history meant nothing to my freedom. 

“You’re being mean,” he said softly, and I knew that my words had hurt him. Good. I thought that he would start to understand, and I even collected my cloak up off of the floor, but then he opened his mouth to speak again. “I don’t know what you feel you have to prove to everyone.”

I didn't even have it within me to heave a sigh. A sigh would be passive and resigned. I was anything but those things as I wheeled around to face him. I stepped forward, trapping him back on the bed as I leered over him. “How dare you! You, who has never had to prove a thing to anyone your whole life! You are content in your idleness and your place, and you are content to mold me into a domesticated man, here to welcome you home each night and soothe your aches as you return from battle!”

“I had to fight for every inch I took, and I am still fighting! I am not your lover, K’yokos, and I am hardly your friend; I finally think that you are beginning to understand me, and every time I am left underwhelmed. Not only that, but I will be the one to stop this war, and I will leave this place again and again, if only to be rid of you and everyone who thinks I should simply take the blows given to me!”  The silence after my words was ringing in my own ears. A strange expression overcame K’yokos’s face; remorse, perhaps, but I was hardened to my own pity. I glanced at the mirror again, finally satisfied with the sight. Before he could have the chance to beg me to stay once more, I donned my cloak and left. By any luck, I would be gone again before the sun rose.

FIN

tagging @amatres @bitchesofostwick @demandthedoodles @fenharel-apologist94 @vahingoniloinenlapsi @beastofmoss @oopsalltes @flashhwing

[i-didnt-do-1t]

For the writing prompts can I get uhhh

One lot of Elmer and JoJo being best friends please

I am fine with anything abt those two but if you need smth more specific I love the dynamic of Elmer being atheist and JoJo being Christian but they're still best friends

One lot of Elmer and JoJo being best friends and causing problems on purpose! Thank you for the prompt! I hope this is okay :D

“I have an idea.” Elmer said, and that sentence alone was enough to drag a groan out of JoJo.

It would be unfair to say that all the trouble they got into landed squarely on Elmer’s shoulders alone, but he could unload about a solid eighty percent of it to him. JoJo just wasn’t a fan of causing problems, primarily because he knew he’d get a lecture from the nuns when they inevitably got wind of it, which he could account to Jack apparently, based of the raised eyebrow and knowing smirk he gave him last time when JoJo met his eyes over the Sister McGonagle’s shoulder as he’d finished his morning coffee.

That was embarrassing, and he wasn’t due a repeat for at least another week or two but tryna keep Elmer in line that long was more difficult than the other boys gave him credit for. Davey had once called him an enabler but JoJo wasn’t sure what that meant so he didn’t think it was true.

Elmer was real persuasive when he wanted to be, and Jojo was easily persuaded. It was just a bad combination but one that was impossible to tear apart.

“What?”

“Well, y’know how Davey has a ma an’ pa n’ all.”

This was going somewhere it probably shouldn’t.

“Yeah. What about it?”

“I says we get ourselves invited over for dinner huh? I bet his ma’s a real good cook.”

Jojo frowned. “Ain’t you got a mother?”

“Well, yeah, but I also got a million brothers, ain’t like there’s alotta food left for me by the time they all gets to it.”

“That’s fair.” He had to concede.

JoJo weighed up the consequences, cuz it weren’t like they’d be doing anything wrong persay, maybe pestering Dave a little but that wasn’t anything the other boys didn’t do on a daily basis, nothing that either of them could get in trouble over.

“So what’s the plan?” He asked and Elmer grinned.

“We just gotta be real nice to him all day, maybe throw in a line or two about how we ain’t been to a friends house in ages.”

JoJo was unimpressed.

“You think that’s gonna work?”

“Definitely.”

JoJo stared at him for a moment, assessing, wondering why the couldn’t just ask him if they could come over (Dave was a real decent guy) but Elmer just smiled at him again before he spat in his hand and held it out.

“It’ll go great. An’ I heard his big sister makes dessert sometimes.”

And Elmer shoulda led with that part, cause really that was all JoJo needed to hear.

They shook on it.

xxx

JoJo knew that Elmer wasn’t the most subtle person he ever met but this morning he was laying it on thick, Davey had barely got his papers when Elmer, from across the distribution centre, decided to start enacting his plan. Loudly.

“Hey Davey, yous real smart y’know that?”

David looked up from where he was counting his pile of papers, and he wasn’t the only one either, Jack at his side instantly narrowed his eyes, and Racetrack took one of those long drags of his cigar, mouth curling up to a smile around it as he glanced between Elmer and Dave.

“Alright.” Jack said and moved toward them, dragging David behind him by the upper arm despite his protests characterised by an eyeroll and then acceptance of his fate. “I’ll bite. What have you done to Dave?”

Elmer put that look on his face, the one that was pretending to be offended, so obviously fake because they all knew what his real offended expression looked like when they made fun of his selling.

“What? I can’t compliment Dave without an uh-“ he paused. Jojo just stared at him.

This was a sinking ship.

“Without a- what do you call those things? The motivater or somethin’”

David raised an eyebrow. “An ulterior motive?”

“Right yeah that. I can’t compliment you without one of those?”

“Not in that tone a’ voice you can’t.” Jack interjected.

“What tone a’ voice?”

Ah this was Jojo’s turn to interject before he dug himself a bigger hole he wouldn’t be able to climb out of so easy. He winced a little and shrugged apologetically. “You do have a voice.”

The betrayal in Elmer’s eyes was almost enough to make Jojo retract the statement.

“I thought we was in this together.”

“Okay, in what together?” Jack said. “What are you doing?”

“Actually nothing.” Jojo said. “An’ I know you ain’t gonna believe me but it’s Gods honest truth Jack and I wouldn’t ever lie bout that.”

What could he say it was his duty to protect his friends from their own dumb ideas.

Jack frowned. “You wouldn’t.”

“Me neither.”

“We all know you don’t believe in God Elmer.”

“Yeah. Well. You gonna hold that against a guy?”

“Okay, whatever it is I want it done now alright.” He clapped a hand on David’s shoulder in a way that made him lurch forward a little and then accept it as Jack swayed him back n forth, it reminded Jojo vaguely of the cat that Elmer had found a couple weeks back and kinda just held, hands under his two little front arms as the rest of him hung, swinging gently. “Dave’s got exams comin’ up, he don’t need to be dealin’ with your pranks as well.”

“We would never.” Elmer said, indignant, and Jojo found himself nodding sombrely in a agreement, even if their last prank on David had gone off without a hitch and had left him covered in flour.

“Yeah.” Jack said, in a voice that meant he definitely didn’t believe them. “I believe you.” He swayed David once again who just sighed and let it happen. “I’d watch your back Davey, y’know what they’re like.” He concluded and slapped him once, with enough friendly force to jolt him forward again and then turned away, wondering back to Race.

David stayed stood in front of them, an expectant look on his face.

It was JoJo that broke the silence eventually.

“You’re like a cat.” He said.

He always liked saying what was on his mind, apparently Elmer wasn’t fussed on his honesty.

Elmer elbowed him, voice low and hurried, “Jo that ain’t a compliment.”

“Only if you don’t like cats.”

David just looked confused.

Elmer for some reason, kept talking, apparently trying to pull this back. JoJo had already given up the act of trying not to seem suspicious.

“You like cats Dave?” Elmer asked.

“I like cats.”

“Then take that as a compliment.”

“You sure you have no ulterior motive?”

“None.” Jojo said before Elmer had the chance, and grabbed his arm, because at this point it was best to quit while they were ahead and he knew it was ironic that arguably the least harmful plan Elmer had come up with in a while was the one that got them caught before they even got to actually enact any of it. “Anyway if that’s all Davey we real best be headin’ on, the nuns said they was expectin’ us cause I forget somethin’ in church n’ told em’ I’d finally drag Elmer with me and you really shouldn’t leave a nun waitin’ it ain’t proper.”

And then he was pulling Elmer away before David even got the chance to respond because this plan was a bust, and if he was gonna be petty about it, he never thought it was a good plan to begin with.

“You’re dumb.” JoJo said, as they shuffled their way out of the distribution gate

“You’re dumb.”

“You’re dumber.”

“I got a new plan though.”

For the second time that day Jojo groaned, he already knew what his answer was gonna be.

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hey! Adore ur fics and one shots ur so creative with what u write❤️ I was just wondering if there would be a part 2 to the piece abt nesta having wings and azriel finding out? I loved that one with nyx being a pain in the arse 🥰

Hello! Here is a little part two with Azriel training Nesta.

True to his word, the shadow singer kept Nesta’s secret. Not a word of it had been breathed to anybody. And Nesta had to hope that her nephew wouldn’t remember the moment either. The only time that Azriel had dared to mention it was when Nesta struggled to reach an item off the top shelf in the kitchen. He’d leaned in – ever the gallant male to help – and murmured that it would be far easier for her if she had wings.

‘I’m spending some time with Azriel tomorrow,’ Nesta said casually.

Not casual enough. Cassian prised himself away from sharpening his knives to blink at her.

‘My Azriel?’

‘I hadn’t known he was yours,’ she teased. ‘Yes. He’s your brother. I don’t know him nearly well enough.’

The lie wasn’t good enough. It was flimsy at best. If Cassian wanted to invite himself, they could hardly say no – then they’d have to make up a reason why they were spending time together.

To Nesta’s surprise, Cassian gave a knowing smile then turned back to his weapons. ‘This has nothing to do with my birthday, I’m sure.’

Oops. ‘No,’ Nesta scoffed, doing her best to look as if she were lying. Using his birthday as an excuse was a much better plan.

When the morning came, he kept lingering around the house, dropping hints of things he wanted or needed or what he wanted to do when his birthday came around, and Nesta had to nod along to it all. It wasn’t a lie when she said, ‘We aren’t meeting to plan your birthday.’

It was a relief when Azriel whisked her away with shadow. They landed in a soft meadow somewhere in the south the of the Night Court with only spongey grass and wildflowers for company. There were a few trees too, spilling with lush canopies that offered some shade from the bright morning.  

‘Get them out then.’

Nesta covered her chest with her hands, feigning shock. ‘I’ll tell Cassian you said that.’

He snorted with faint amusement. ‘Wings.’

Nesta had to strip down to only a vest on top to release her wings. Azriel watched with fascination as Nesta searched for the thread in her mind and tightened it, feeling the familiar itch and tingle run down her spine as they emerged. She stretched them out before letting them settle.

The shadow singer circled her, admiring them.

Finally, he said, ‘They’re so beautiful. Why would you hide them away?’

‘I should show them off? To be more of a freak than I already am.’

His stone-carved face yielded nothing. ‘Is that what you think you are, Nesta?’

They fluttered of their own accord as a light wind whispered through the meadow. In the times that Nesta was able to examine them in a mirror, they had grown on her. They were pretty things. She had never seen another fae with them.

‘I’ll stand out even more. Different. Other.’

Azriel shook his head. ‘You don’t know how special you are.’ He clapped his hands together. ‘Enough chat. See the tree there. I want you to fly there and back.’

Nesta ran through his initial drills easily. Flight was more difficult in the open; she had to angle her body differently to combat the direction of the wind. Still, she had gone to the tree and back like he requested multiple times, floated up and down on command or left and right. She felt quite pleased with herself until Azriel folded his arms.

‘You’re so slow.’

‘What? I did everything you asked.’

Azriel chuckled. ‘Yes, as if you were taking a casual stroll. There was no urgency. It takes you about eight seconds to land.’ His eyes were bright with challenge. ‘Race me.’

Their first attempt did not go well. The gusts of wind from his massive wings, prevented her own wings from taking flight. He even relented and let her have a head start the next time. Not that it made any difference, Azriel was soon overtaking her. Each time, Nesta’s blood pounded at being chased. It wasn’t making her any quicker.

‘I’ll give you a ten seconds head start.’

‘That’s insulting,’ she argued.

Azriel shrugged. ‘Fly quicker then.’

As Nesta flew, she heard Azriel counting down. Each number made her heart beat faster. The tree was almost in reaching distance. When he bellowed a zero, she felt the change in the wind as he started streaking through the distance between them. She let out a scream like when Elain used to chase her up the stairs in their old house.

In her attempts to reach the tree and land quicker, she pulled her wings up, letting them snap together.

She crashed to the meadow in a heap, inches from the tree, with a mouthful of grass.

‘What was that landing?’ Azriel’s careful composure slipped as he laughed.

‘I beat you,’ she protested, gingerly sitting up.

Azriel’s eyes flitted to the tree that hadn’t been touched. His hand quickly scraped against the bark. ‘I win. That was better. I think I just need to chase you to make you fly quicker.’

Each time they tried, Nesta couldn’t help but let out a shriek the second she knew Azriel was swooping after her. And the landings. They were getting worse. It was a toss up between speed and safety. Nesta was lucky that Azriel had picked a soft meadow for her to crash head-first into rather than rocks, but her body was still aching and bruised from the number of falls she had had.

They changed tact. Azriel would block her path and Nesta had to try and fly past him. It turned out, she was very good at it – once she’d overcome her fear. Her agility was better than his; her wings were smaller, able to veer in a different direction quicker. However, Nesta had been afraid that they wouldn’t change quick enough and she’d collide with him. It meant she changed direction too early, giving Azriel that split-second advantage to move into her way again.

‘Trust your wings. Stop overriding the instinct.’  

They stopped for a snack with Azriel examining her wings again as he ate an apple. In the sunlight, they shimmered. ‘Your back doesn’t hurt?’

Nesta shook her head. ‘They’re not heavy. They're not tired yet either. I don’t even have much feeling in them except where they join my back. The underside is a little ticklish.’

The two sets spread out behind her in the sun, as if happy to soak up as many rays as possible while given the opportunity.

‘I know you’re not Illyrian, but amongst their kind, it is considered inappropriate to touch someone’s wings without permission. Especially females. Would I be able to touch yours – to feel the differences?’

Their kind. Not his.

‘Treat yourself,’ she said, leaning forwards so they were on full display.   

Azriel brushed his knuckles against the delicate system of veins, marvelling at the burgundies and pinks on the forewings, before trailing lower to the hindwings where the colours turned more indigo and silver. She felt him touch the velvety, thicker frame, following its path towards her spine.

‘They’re unlike anything I’ve seen before.’

The shadow singer was quiet for a moment, eyes still glazing over her wings. It did not make Nesta feel as if she was under an inspection; it was more admiration than anything.

‘I’ve been trying to train you like an Illyrian. But these aren’t Illyrian wings. They’re built differently. I wouldn’t be able to fly in the house like you did, my wings are too big, too powerful.’

‘Show off.’

‘Can you hover on the spot?’

Nesta rose to her feet with a groan then let her wings lift her a foot off the floor. She floated a little higher or slightly to the left, but mostly she maintained her position in the air.

Azriel stood too, lifting his head to look up at her. He raised a hand, holding it near her wings as she fluttered.

‘There’s barely any wind created. They’re narrow. Light. Able to tuck in.’ Again, he circled Nesta, murmuring the odd comment to himself. ‘Will you try and land on top of that tree?’

With Azriel’s reassurances that he’d save her if she fell from that height, they flew together. He suggested that she fly in a zig-zag motion, skimming through the draughts of air that his own wings created – she kept pace with him that way.

Her feet rested against the canopy, her wings holding her steady with their gentle fluttering.

‘You’re not a bat,’ Azriel said, watching as Nesta became more daring and started walking across the tree top with her wings balancing and keeping her up. ‘You’re a butterfly, Nesta.’

Hours had run away from them. The only pains in her body came from all of her crash landings – which Azriel promised they would work on next time, after he’d examined butterflies’ flight. Nesta was almost sad to say goodbye to her wings that day as she shifted them back into her body.

‘There is merit to keeping them a secret,’ Azriel said. ‘It gives you an element of surprise. But I don’t think you should hide them from Cassian.’

‘It’s a bit late now to tell him I have wings.’

Azriel hummed. ‘This could be his birthday present. You and him flying together. He won’t be angry that you’ve hidden it. He loves flying. More than anybody I know. Just… think on it.’

[swordofazrael1992]

🏳️‍🌈 jean paul valley!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH I AMM. BITING i will talk abt this topic FOREVER

jpv’s gender is truly girlfag to me. and imo her breaking away from the order of st dumas and her + azrael deciding to use their abilities to protect and save can be a trans narrative—EVERY prior azrael in their lineage was male, and every prior azrael was a weapon used by the order to deliver vengeance. and of course there’s the obvious gendered implications of those two paths (being merciful and protective as “feminine” and then aggressive and vengeful as “masculine”) that i think are SO interesting to explore. at the same time though i don’t think her gender identity lacks masculine facets, or is completely separate (or even separate at all) from masculinity. and this of course adds nuance to the prior conversation: azrael is now the angel of mercy, but that doesn’t mean they’ve completely divorced themselves from the concept of vengeance. that long ass ramble is to say: i see jpv as bigender, preferring a more gender nonconforming presentation and also identifying with transfeminine identity. i do also tend to say that i think she uses she/he pronouns, but most of the time im talking about her i end up using she/her

and for sexual identity: girlfag also, obviously, applies here. i’ve never been able to recognize her on-panel attraction to women as genuine or even present. it really feels like how i (boydyke) would look at men as a “i want to be them” and everyone around me interpreted as “i want to be with them” to the point that i assumed that’s what it was as well. admittedly, this is probably influenced by the fact that the first thing i ever read of her WAY before i became obsessed with her was tynion’s TEC comics, and she and luke are very 🏳️‍🌈 in that, but i also should mention that her and luke’s relationship is the only one of hers i’ve ever been able to interpret as romantic.

and thus i have recently been toying around with her being somewhere on the ace/aro spectrum, although im not 100% sure where. the majority of her expressed attraction has, as previously mentioned, felt very surface level to me, while SO MANY of her most important relationships have been platonic. i’ve also been thinking about the idea of her and luke as platonic/queerplatonic, and i think exploring some of her other relationships as queerplatonic could be SO interesting. like qpr jpv and babs???? i need to eat them

in summary: girlfag, transfeminine, aspec

and then there’s ALSO azrael ofc. i see him as genderless but not in an identifying as agender way more of like a. never occurred to him to have a gender and he’s so genderless that identifying with a gender identity term doesn’t fit for him. like “what’s your gender” “i am the angel of vengeance” “okay but what’s in your pants” “i have a flaming sword” “is that a euphemism” “*pulls out actual flaming sword* no”. i mostly use he/him for azrael because i genuinely just think it doesn’t occur to him to use other pronouns, and if someone were to bring it up he’d just see no reason to try and change. not in a denial way i just think he’s genuinely like. transcended the need for pronoun changes. although i do occasionally fuck with the idea of him using hy/hym pronouns. his gender makes sense to me but i cannot explain it. and then similarly i can’t explain his sexual/romantic orientations he is just. i think he’s similar to jpv in that the majority of his meaningful connections and relationships are platonic but i think (for example, if jpv was with luke romantically) he could end up building a connection with a partner that wasn’t strictly platonic. whether that would become romantic i can’t currently say because i haven’t fleshed out my jpv and azzy ace/aro spec headcanons. although at the end of the day i just don’t really think labels are super important to az? like he’s just kinda *waves hand* there. although i DO think identity is important to him. that might seem contradictory to what i’ve said previously in this ramble but i think that while he doesn’t identify with labels i do think he identifies as like. being other than what the order of st dumas would force him into being and being other than what the world would force him into being. azrael as a character, especially recently, is about forging your own path and that you are more than what people might force you to be and i think he would find comfort (or at least vindication) in the fact that there are these core parts of himself that are so incongruous with what would be expected of him, yknow? like as previously discussed with the concept of azrael being forcibly masculine, and him (not just jpv) being able to move past that and both define what being azrael means to him and define what gender means to him. overall i have a lot of thoughts on azzy but i haven’t been able to solidify them and Decide on them the way i have jpv which is something i must change immediately

in (outer world) presentation i’d say that azzy is also gender non-conforming but in a far more fashionable way than jean paul. azrael would be coordinating like runway ready looks while jpv has the worst fashion sense imaginable which is so funny to me. also i think azrael would be absolutely CRACKED at makeup don’t ask me why i just think he’s very good at it

LONG ASS POST OVER. i’m less insane now

[bfdifan26]

everything i have to say abt every burner character, my interpretations of every one as of rn because i quite literally cant wait for episode 3 so i need to distract myself. disclaimer of sorts, if you couldn’t tell, i see these guys as way more human than probably intended. like i feel as close to them as you would with say your childhood neighbours (DISCLAIMRR i was actually going to do all of them but i ended up not feeling like it. i overestimated myself for once with burner isn’t that crazy. i hope what i ended up writing is good)

-roomy

roomy to me is one of the coolest types of characters like ever. shes been completely isolated for her whole life apart from daddy long legs being close with her, and she seems to be very desperate to please people and to just do whatever is “nice”. she doesn’t necessarily want or dream of anything because she hasn’t seen anything to want. episode 2 was the first exposure to the real world she’d ever gotten. also she really likes kit and spraypaint and was referring to them when she said “all for you two to explore”

-daddy long legs

despite him being the host, i dont actually think he’s the one behind burner. i don’t think he’s the one who teleported them in. and he definitely wasn’t born in the realm! he used to have a normal life in the real world until, thanks to the same being that teleported the contestants, he got sent to the realm without warning one day, and he has been instructed to do the same to other people and make them compete against eachother, for a reason which i havent exactly gotten figured out in my head yet, and hey, maybe he isn’t entirely sure either. anyway personality wise, i think his shyness and how he gets talked over indicates that during his time in the real world, he was seen as the quiet kid, and was shunned whenever he’d try to join in a conversation, and when he got teleported this of course stayed with him, although because of the burner contestants this will slowly begin to fade the more time he spends around them. also yes i do think our cast are the first people this is happening to

-erasey

i love erasey and i am so crazy excited to see what’s going on with them as the series progresses. they used to be completely different as a person, sort of like limey or pilly. they were sent to the realm for a few minutes when they were a kid, even way before daddy long legs was, and from that point dedicated their life to figuring it out. however, during a sort of experiment of theirs that went wrong, they lost an eye and left arm, and were sort of broken by that, it was realised they’d bit off more than they could chew. that was when they became the erasey we know now, laid back and apathetic about most things. not hanger though. erasey loves hanger the way a mad scientist loves their lab rat, but in this case in the non fucked up Im Going To Torture You For Results way. lol

-playdoh

ah playdoh my least favourite one but really that doesn’t mean too much considering i love them all so dearly so i honestly love him too. he has no like psychological reason to be the way he is he’s just. a bitch. like that’s it. he expects everything from everyone around him and for him to do nothing in return for that to be deserved. the realm is his first experience where that is not the case and people are actually opposing him, hence why he’s the most hostile towards rosey and hanger. i like to think hes gonna be changed by the end of the show.

-spraypaint

although i do really like her i dont have much to say except her personality and whole demeanour interests me and i feel like she kinda grew up having to be this dangerous confident figure to even stay afloat for her family n stuff. i do not like the fact that her knife potentially is just laying around on the floor somewhere still

-tissues

oh my goodness this guy. he is my 2nd favourite! i say this about every character but i mean it the most with him when i say i am super excited to see what their whole deal is and what the extent of his powers are and why they seem to know way more than he lets on. i also just really like his personality lol. one of my favourite moments in the show so far is when record said she was warming up for the challenge and tissues thought she meant literally warming up and got all worried that she was sick. them and record remind me of simon and marcy for literally no valid reason

[thepaperclip]

FAQish but not really lol

More like “I feel like I should answer some questions no one’s really asking right now but I am concerned abt answering anyways” lmao

Why didn’t the D’arbys use their Stands on the Joestars and just stick to their vampire powers?

The original D’arby battles were challenges rather than outright fights, and all were to do with a wager of some sort. Both were meant to keep the SDC crew away from something (the truth of The World, getting to Dio himself). However, in the Anna Timeline they were both victims of Straizo and their goal was to escape and capitalize on their new powers. Since the SDC crew also didn’t know the way out, the D’arbys couldn’t gain anything from them aside from help getting out, and thus there was nothing of more value for Osiris or Atum to wager for. Too bad the SDC crew were also vampire hunters on top of being Stand Users.

Who was it that Dio was thinking of in chapter one when his inner monologue mentions of Anna, “He hates her, really, she’s too idiotically kind, just like—never mind.”

His mother. Dio at 12 years old doesn’t strike me as someone who would have a lot of women associates aside from his mother, and his mother would probably be the most comparatively kindest and highest in his good books. Thus Dio compares his new stepsister to the only other woman he knew best at that point, and in just as much contempt.

Is Strohiem dead?

Yes. He didn’t even get to turn cyborg, either. Even if he did, it never made a big difference to the end of the Second World War anyway. It probably has something to do with a human sized cyborg being difficult to upkeep in terms of energy, protection from overheating itself from using the various guns in its arsenal as well as must moving in general, protection from extreme weather conditions like in Siberia, the very specifically designed components and parts not having a very established mass production line established, you know, the works. Actually, Franz from Archives lost the blueprints somewhere and it burned down in some firebomb before it could even get to Strohiem in the first place so no getting cyborg technology from the Germans. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure should’ve punched more N*zis.

Did Straizo actually love Anna back?

The short answer is yes, but the long answer is “It’s complicated.” The perfect time and scenario for them to have started a romantic relationship that actually would last would’ve been around when Lisa Lisa was well into her marriage and Joseph may or may not have been on the way; the scenario that would need to happen is that Anna opened up about her true origins to Straizo and have been clear about being willing to Turn Straizo but only with certain requirements and caveats in place. Where things fell apart was Straizo waiting for so long, and Anna keeping important secrets from him. Though, that’s not to say that Anna didn’t have her own reasons for wanting to not mention her reincarnation. That life becomes further and further from her as she continues living, and her concern about future knowledge spreading uncontrollably also play into her habitual silence. Let it be very clearly said that Straizo’s betrayal was very much a betrayal, and had he stayed and let her talk and heard her out things would have also ended better.

Holly can beat people up now???

Holly learned to fight because Caesar, Anna, and Lisa Lisa were around to teach her a thing or two. Joseph was less averse to teaching his daughter such things because Joseph was actively raised by Lisa Lisa who taught him combat and was an example of “girls can definitely kick ass and still be elegant and ladylike”; and Anna, who instilled in him the ethos of a well-rounded and holistic education as well as proper precautionary measures. Ergo, letting Holly live her life as freely and happily as possible also included making sure she was strong enough to save herself if need be. As for her being in a gang, yes. In New York she joined a Greaser gang more because they liked motors and she did too, thanks to Grandpa Georgie showing her airplanes since she was a toddler. Unfortunately fights and gang wars were part of the experience but it did let her put some of her lessons to practical use. Like her grandfather before her, she cannot channel Hamon but that doesn’t make much of a difference if you’ve got a better swing with a wrench. How Holly and Sadao met was that he was in New York for music school and his bike broke while she was on her way out from hanging out with her crew, so she helped him out. He treated her to lunch as repayment and they hit it off very well. But yes, Joseph still pettily dislikes Sadao for taking his daughter away to a foreign land. He’s just better at expressing and focusing his annoyance. And no, if canon Joseph won’t actually kill Sadao for doing all of this then Starsverse Joseph won’t actually kill Sadao for the same reasons. He actually does respect the dude, he just wishes his son-in-law could spend more time with his daughter and son. The ultimate thing about Holly is that she chooses to be a pacifist, and that’s not something someone without a strong will would stick to.

If Jonathan lived longer, as well as Lisa Lisa and Georgie, wouldn’t they have a chance to have more kids? Why don’t we see them and those changes?

The Doylist answer is I don’t wanna make more OCs to juggle and factor in, that’s for a different timeline, thanks. The Watsonian answer is that contraceptives exist, pregnancy doesn’t always happen to some couples even if they’re going at it like rabbits, maybe Hamon is a factor that actually makes this harder, who knows! Although, in regards to Erina and Jonathan, in some ways this question also plays into the question of:

Giorno managed to exist in this universe even though his parentage is different. Are Donatello, Rykiel, and Ungalo in this universe too?

Originally, I thought that the mention of the “other fruits” of the tree thing that birthed Giorno would suffice as reference to Donatello, Rykiel, and Ungalo. Thus they were fruits of the same homunculus-method that made this Giorno, “born” to Anna as their mother, however unlike Giorno they didn’t survive beyond infancy for whatever reason. Another idea was that they would be Erina and Jonathan’s children but then see the previous answer about juggling characters so then nixing them would mean Erina miscarriages multiple times while she and Jonathan try having more children than just Georgie, and that was a pretty depressing thought. Plus I don’t see Erina marrying again after Jonathan and she would’ve been too old to have children by then anyway. The third idea was that they would be born to their original mothers, albeit with different fathers given that Dio is long dead, and since neither Jonathan nor Anna would’ve been involved then Donatello, Rykiel, and Ungalo could live perfectly mundane lives unburdened by the Joestar legacy. Their lives would be better in some ways and lack in other ways. In the end, the “other fruits” stuff made it in, but I can also see the version where their original mothers had them through different fathers and they just grew up normally also existing in the Anna timeline. Both are true, then.

Does Anna still remember the future? The time she came from? Or even canon?

Lmao that’s like 3 in one question lol. Short answer? Yes and no. The memory of Margot and being Margot is around but the information is buried under many, many more years of experience as Anna. I’ve answered in a direct comment before that Anna has the unique experience of time traveling but then returning to her original time the long way around. So in the 1880s, she’d remember iPhones, Jojo canon she’d read, and big world events and even wrote them down to remember. But she wouldn’t have written down certain memes and thus wouldn’t remember unless the meme was very big in her life (“What is love?” And she is tempted to reply with “baby don’t hurt me” vs. seeing a shiba inu and dogecoin not even passing her mind even once). Human memory is only as good as what it prioritizes to preserve, so Anna would slowly forget memes and even 2010s technology and re-learn them while they become released for the first time into the world. As stated at the beginning, the memory is around but there’s too much recent information to prioritize and new memories being made that it’s almost impossible to recall anything she didn’t preserve in books or destroyed. The memory would be overwritten and too corrupted. It’s like searching through a vast archive but the old stuff hasn’t been updated to the new system yet so the information is practically lost. In short, memories of Margot, Jojo canon, and the future is information that Anna can’t access anymore.

[yomiurinikei]

"""""canon"""" terurei.

So I was in this fandom months/maybe a year ago, okay? So back when I was in this fandom, on Teruya Otori's English Website (the one with basically no info lol), in his trivia it said that he had a crush on Rei. (It now has been completely removed from his website). This is probably one of the sources that some people thought that Terurei was canon. But when looking around at much older posts/edits, an edit that was made in Nov 2020 had what seemed to be a translated Q&A of LINJU at the beginning.

The translated thing was

Did the DRA survivors eve have romantic feelings towards each other?

- Tsurugi and Rei would have no interest in those kinds of things. Teruya felt that way towards Rei a few times

Now, I have no clue if this is real, but considering the creator of the edit, they definitely saw it and screenshot it from somewhere. Which I have no clue if it was a reliable source.

Now let's assume for a moment this screenshot was real, what exactly does this answer mean?

It clearly says that Tsurugi and Rei are not interested in relationship, and there are other sources that implied Rei may not be interested in relationship overall. And it only say that Teruya feels this way "a few times". Meaning this could be anything from a simple tiny crush that can quickly end to something more, but is very vague, probably meaning even Teruya wasn't too sure.

So if the source of this screenshot (wherever it was taken from) is what people thought made Terurei Canon is not correct. For, even if Teruya's crush was legitimate, it was only one sided.

I think this Q&A question is the source of most Terurei shippers, even though it doesn't even confirm the ship itself.

I don't hate Terurei shippers, I really don't care, but it was something I saw and something I wanted to share.

HI ANON also hi my other followers i see the other asks i have im working on those too it’s 4:45 am and i just spent half an hour straight rambling for the second time today and i am working on getting a professional to. pretty much confirm i do have adhd. all of this to say i’m working on other asks this is just one i can answer rn before bed

ANYWAYS HI ANON!!! IVE i’ve been here so long by now. not the longest but like. consecutively. i’ve been going strong for a longgggg time now. SO LEMME CHAT ABT THIS

under the cut forrr. length, uh, cw terurei,, also this is so messy im tired and it’s genuinely freezing in my room that’s a whole conversation but it’s a bit hard to type. anyways. tl;dr anons 100% right

okay. yeah. ur like. none of what u said was wrong!!! i don’t like. debating on whether or not linujs q&as are trustworthy because. that’s a whole convo about when they should and shouldn’t be listened to- BUT also because. like. it’s vvv old fandom drama but while linuj does answer peoples questions, anyone can contact him,,,

people have used linujs q&as to lie and spread misinformation before

and it was a huge fucking mess and guys it was really bad and. yeah. so.

i can’t speak on whether that q and a was real, but!!!!! it very well could be, it very well couldn’t be. i’ve seen. prolly the same screenshot/people discussing the same q and a as what ur talking about, i know what ur on abt even if i don’t know it’s validity; like u said, let’s just go with it real!

rei is officially not going to be in a relationship with anyone. if we trust any q and a. then that’s the truth. i can’t remember if it was said in a q and a or a blog post (i highly doubt it was a game thing) but rei is explicitly like. celibate. tbh that’s the biggest reason i question the validity of that q and a but it could also be just inconsistency/smthn that changed as she grew up.

either way,,, she’s not into teruya, lol. like i generally do trust that this q and a was real and just go “okay linuj that’s nice linuj i’m making all ur cast gay and trans now linuj byeeeee linuj” and also like u said,,, like. whatever teruyas feelings were, if we treat the q and a as canon,, it still doesn’t mean jack??

rei Does Not Like Teruya Or Relationships. teruya is extremely mlm coded (which i can and will go into but he’s probably the most mlm coded out of anyone in either game) so,, if people are using the fact that teruya was, jsut after being heavily traumatized, maybe pining a little sometimes. to erase reis equally as canon/official lack of desire for a relationship

…..well. that’s uh. i don’t wanna be mean but no it’s 🤡

which isn’t to say ur not allowed to ship terurei! i dont vibe with it just because neg associations but that’s just a matter of me engaging with content for it- i actually have 0 immediate issues with people who ship terurei tbh lol (it is 4:57 i may think that over more and realize i forgot smthn tomorrow)

but like,, yeah. it’s not canon whatsoever. im not gonna tell people what to believe and take as canon, but,,, there’s no other evidence for terurei other than this q and a with questionable legitimacy, anddd,, it disproves terurei as a ship that would ever happen. it’s one sided, and that crush isn’t a relationship (meaning: the relationship ship between teruya and rei, not meaning a romantic relationship) defining trait; as in, it doesn’t define the way the two interact, it’s not. That Big that teruyas motivation whole interacting with rei is impacted by this crush of it even does exist in sdra2

im. extremely tired and i don’t wanna go through and edit and actually outline and organize. usually when replying to smthn like this i divvy it up and think abt how i’ll organize things and then type it all out in one go but nah u guys got this all as i thought of it 100% unfiltered. this post is extra stamped with the “pls ask me for clarification/to rephrase things if they come across concerningly or confusingly” stamp but. uh.

yeah. anons right terurei isn’t canon whatsoever and the only dubious evidence that exists proves that it’s 100% one sided

[enchanting-grom-fright]

really fucking embarrassinggg post that’s definitely been said a million times before buttt ii need to get this out of my head so wtvrr

just had like a wake up call earlier today and itss been on my mind i mean obviously this topic has been anyways but it’s kind of different this time

idk during first pd i was like left alone with a bunch of free time and nothing else to do so my thoughts just went to their defaults of like food and sh and like that’s obviously just standard at this point but

idk it’s just weird bcs i’ve spent like years constantly trying to (or not at all attempting otherwise) get worse but like for the very first time a few months (month ? idk) i don’t want it to be that way anymore

like i want to get better and i want to recover from sh , genuinely

and like i was thinking abt that essentially and by second pd it just turned into me panicking bcs i want to i really want to and i’ve been trying to but inevitably the thought of it is obviously like horrifying to like one day not have that thing to fall back on. and like i mean obviously it’ll always an option ig but hat if i lose my ability to do it as deep as i can now or am upset at myself and don’t have the constant sting to remind myself at least i’m punishing myself in some way or what if i get better and no one gives a shit anymore and i’m just left alone with myself without sh to accompany me. but also i hope i keep it up in the long run

and it just got to me especially that time and it ended up like getting to me and led me to spiral to think i’m not real. and like, from the dozens of times this has happened i know that’s like some form of my brain trying to protect itself from like yk the fact that the reality i’m living in or abt to face is real. and it’s not like a conscious thought, actually i need to consciously convince myself that my like both physical and mental feelings rnt real which i’ve definitely learned how to do for the most part so it’s been a while since the last time i’ve like genuinely convinced myself and spent like days straight like that but anyways essentially it’s just like obviously hard to put together anything remotely sensible in my thoughts anyways so it took me a few hours to like genuinely realize. but i’m like oh my fuckjng god that was happening bcs my brain like almost couldn’t handle the thought of like what i was talking abt above. and like the moment i realized that i like instantly just snapped out of it and back to real life like it literally felt like magic

which likee idk none of this is actually a big deal as in this day will probably blend in with the rest in like a months time and this is standard enough to forget but

like my excuse for myself for a while was like well if i try to recover i’m sure i’ll have zero problem so i don’t deserve it enough i need to make it hard for myself

and like obviously not to go like boo hoo look at me but just to say like though this hasn’t been my reasoning for a while there’s definitely a part of me who still definitely believes it

which ik is irrational but like yk

like even this has very much proved to not be true but still like what if i just wasn’t trying hard enough

but this has just kind of served as a reminder like oh lmao that’s not the case like my problems maybe possibly rnt actually nothing

but anyways sorry i realize this almost definitely sounds incredibley stupid but i just had to like think it out somewhere so my mind would shut up a bit so yeaa

oh and also despite that i did stay clean all of today so that’s cool ig

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

notoriously yours | jay park

✰ summary: jay park is a rich kid. it’s safe to say he has everything every broke college student on his campus could dream of and more. but the one thing he doesn’t have, which money definitely can’t buy, is a girlfriend. and his friends won’t see of it. literally.

so what happens when his friends bet him to date someone for more than three months? what happens when jay decides that fake-dating someone would be easier than actual dating (because god forbid Jay–the campus’ notoriously known fuckboy–decides to commit to something once in his life)?

and what happens when that someone is you, his childhood best friend he hasn’t spoken to in years..who has absolutely no interest in being in his life anymore?

✰ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. members of enha]

✰ genre: fluff, comedy, angst | fakedating!au, college!au, childhoodbestfriends!au, (kinda) e2l!au

✰ warnings: cursing, nothing suggestive but jay's a fuckboy so slightly suggestive themes, mentions of parental neglect/leaving, it's hella long (and i thought my last fic was long)

✰ wc: 14.7k (how did i get it this long oh lord)

✰ author's note: picture creds go to original owners/editors! peep that edit of jay that lowkey inspired this entire fic 👀also this took me so, so long bc i lost motivation half way thru and bc college is a thing,,,so i honestly don't know how to feel abt it so pls bare with me :')))) ALSO the dividers are weird bc idk how to add more than 10 pics for the dividers so pls excuse those ٩(× ×)۶i hope u guys enjoy!! <333

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

Jay Park is a rich kid.

Jay Park has enough to buy every textbook he needs for his courses without having to look up the free versions online. Jay Park has enough to bribe his professors to let him pass every class with a perfect 4.0 GPA (but because the boy has morals, he doesn't). Jay Park has enough to afford a car to drive to his furthest class from his dorm building instead of walk or bike like every other college student, meaning he also has enough to afford a parking spot on campus (those things aren't cheap!).

Jay Park walks around your school's campus like he owns the place (and considering the amount of money his family has donated to the school, he practically does), looking like he just walked out of your local coffee shop's newest fashion magazine. His blonde hair is never seen untouched, his attire usually consisting of an undoubtedly high-end all-black fit, accessorized with multiple earrings and rings that probably cost more than all the overpriced textbooks you had to rent out this semester. It's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park.

Bottom line is, Jay Park has everything.

Well, his friends beg to differ.

In their eyes, Jay Park has everything but a simple factor in the equation of love (or whatever love is to the minds of a couple of 19 year olds): commitment.

So yes, it's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park. Because everyone knows he's the campus' rich fuckboy. (What's a college fanfic campus without one anyways?)

Jay doesn't go unreminded of this by his friends, to the boy's annoyance.

Jay is aware of this on a Sunday afternoon, in his dorm building's first floor lounge, where he and his said friends are having a study session.

They're doing anything but studying.

In fact, no one has any books out or anything. Not a single laptop in site.

"You don't think it's the slightly bit concerning?" Jake's words are muffled as he continues munching on the fried chicken that he spent majority of this study session debating if he should have it delivered through UberEats or not.

"I really don't, no," Jay shrugs as he continues mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. They're having the same argument conversation that they've revisited multiple times over the course of their friendship, one that Jay has been lectured on too many times for his own good. He thinks his friends could become his new parents if they really tried.

"Look at it this way, okay. You're about to graduate college in a couple of years, into the big world. Like the actual, adult world. And that means you'll have to settle down. Which you can't do when you. have. no. commitment!" Jake punctuates each word with a single clap of his hands, desperate to get his point across.

Jay simply rolls his eyes. He looks over to Sunghoon, who's minding his own business, not bothered by the same topic he's heard over and over again. His eyes tell Jay you're on your own, in response to his blonde-haired friend's look of despair.

Jay thinks that maybe he should get new friends. Yes, that's the only solution here.

"My love life," Jay reaches across the table for a drumstick from the greasy tub seated in Jake's lap until Jake swats his hand away, "is none of your business. Also, ouch."

"Uh, it kinda is. Because of you and your reputation around campus, it kinda affects us, your best friends. How do you think we look, hanging out with the guy who's known to ghost every girl in existence after one night with them? No offense to you," Jake deadpans to him. Jay mentally reconsiders the term best friends.

Tough love. Jay tells himself it's tough love.

"Yes, because every girl totally hates Jake Sim, the teacher assistant of a physics class who volunteers at the pet shelter every Sunday and brings their pet golden retriever to campus every two weeks," Jay rolls his eyes at his Australian friend.

Jake sighs. "Okay, then I'm coming from a place of worry for you."

Jay groans. "Again, none of your business!" This doesn't stop Jake. He comes from good intentions, really, but Jay wants nothing more than to stuff the kid's mouth with some of that chicken to shut him up.

"What are you gonna do if one day you meet someone you like, genuinely like, and you screw yourself over because you've never been in an actual relationship before? A real, committed one. Like one that lasts at least three months."

"You don't think I can last three months in a relationship?" Jay questions the boy currently taunting him.

"Honestly? No. What's the longest relationship you've been in?" Jake cocks an eyebrow at his friend across from him.

One month and two weeks. But Jay's smart enough to not say that out loud.

"I can so last over three months," Jay mutters more to himself than Jake.

Jake laughs at that, pausing to take another bite of the drumstick in his hand. "Jay, I am willing to actually bet you. Bet that you wouldn't be able to." He leans back on the couch, the ball now in Jay's court.

Jay freezes, looking up from his phone, narrowing his eyes at Jake.

"Forget it, Jake. He's not gonna agree even if you offered him money," Sunghoon finally perches from beside him. Well he's not wrong. It's not like Jay is exactly in need of more money, per say.

"What kind of bet are we talking here?"

Sunghoon's right. Jay doesn't need the money, but he does hate being wrong. Even if it's over something as stupid as this matter.

Caught off guard by the blonde's answer, Jake blinks blankly at him and takes a second to think.

"Hmm..what about...what about if you can date someone for at least three months, and I mean an actual, committed relationship, then I'll do all of your physics homework next semester."

Jay's eyes sparkle at that. If there's anything he despises more than commitment, it's physics.

"And if I win, you have to buy all of my textbooks," Jake sits back from the edge of his seat with a smirk lying on his face.

Jay pauses to think about it. I mean, what does he have to lose? A couple hundred dollars over college textbooks? No. Because he just simply won't lose.

And maybe he'll learn what it'll be like to actually be in a committed relationship for once. Maybe he'll finally learn what it's like to actually devote yourself to someone, open up to them. He shivers at the thought. Never mind. He'll warm up to it. Baby steps.

Nonetheless, what could go wrong? Even if he does lose, at least his money would be going somewhere productive––towards his friend's education. Jay was probably gonna use that money on something useless like a blanket that resembles a tortilla (a burrito blanket, he calls it)––something he doesn't necessarily need, but must have, he would argue.

"Fine. Whatever, okay. Deal," he grabs Jake's extended hand in front of him and shakes on it.

Jake's impressively smiling at the boy as Sunghoon lets out a sigh, in disbelief with the two guys he calls his best friends.

Jay concludes that this will be easier than his Introduction to Photography 101 course he took his freshman year. How hard is it to find someone to date the Jay Park? Surely, everyone will be lining up once Jay switches his FaceBook relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single".

Turns out, it's not as easy as his class where all Jay had to do was take pictures of a pretty sunset, slap a VSCO filter on, and call it a day.

He comes to this realization on a Wednesday evening, as he's seated at one of the many study tables lined in the middle of the campus' library, staring down at his phone's dry iMessage app, with his laptop and blank sheets of scratch paper scrambled across the entire table, as an attempt to look half as studious as the other students studying in the facility.

Turns out, being known as the campus' fuckboy who ghosts every girl on campus isn't a good thing when it comes to wanting to find a real relationship.

He comes to this realization after failing to receive a single text back to the many ones he sent out throughout the first half of his day. The ghoster gets ghosted. Oh how the turn tables.

Jay groans dramatically as he tosses his phone on the hard surface of the table, earning himself a harsh shush from the librarian filing books in the aisle beside him.

He sheepishly smiles back as an apology, directing his attention back to his open laptop screen, where his untouched calculus homework stares back at him––his mind preoccupied with the looming threat of Jake's bet. Not that it was threatening in any way, per say, but Jay just hates losing. And from the looks of things, it's safe to say that Jay won't be celebrating any victories anytime soon.

Jay thinks he should just change his identity and just transfer to some boarding school in Switzerland. Yes, that's a much better solution than admitting defeat to Jake.

Jay sighs as he lies his head on the table, figuring he might as well just write the check for Jake's textbooks now. He wonders how he got here in the first place. Not how he got into the bet, and definitely not how he's sitting in the middle of the library, having yet to start his calculus homework due at 11:59PM tonight (he should really start that).

But no, he wonders how he gained the reputation as the campus' playboy. To be fair, his friends (mainly Jake), are constantly reminding him of his notorious habits. But how did they come a habit in the first place?

The idea of being in a relationship is nice, sure, but the commitment that comes with it? The idea of being dependent on someone? It's scary, vulnerable, and one that Jay can't picture for himself.

Maybe some people just aren't meant to be paired. Maybe some people, like Jay, like being independent and are meant to stay that way.

But Jay also likes affection. He likes the fleeting, warm feeling he gets every time he finds himself under someone's sheets. He likes the short-lived comfort he receives from someone else's touch, even though he knows it's going to cease to exist the second he steps out of those bedroom's doors. He just likes affection, simple as that.

That and he's a 19 year old teenage boy with needs, what did you expect?

And so what if he likes the idea of affection minus commitment? Is that so bad? Apparently it is, to people like his friends and the entirety of his school's campus, at least.

At this rate, he might as well pay someone to date him.

Wait. Jay lifts his head off the table's surface in realization.

He might as well pay someone to date him.

There's no harm in that, is there?

He wouldn't have to endure through an endless amount of dates to find someone he clicks with, then continue going on dates with said clicked person, all while trying to develop an actual, serious relationship.

He'll win the bet, get his physics homework done for an entire semester, and some lucky girl out there will be making profit for the small price of hanging out with Jay Park for three months.

And lucky for him, Jay knows the perfect candidate for this scheme.

Simple as that.

Just as long as said perfect candidate says yes.

And as long as Jake and Sunghoon don't find out. Or else Jay might really have to move to Switzerland after all.

You love your friends, you do.

Hana and Heeseung have been there for you when others haven't––they were by your side when you knew no one entering high school, and they were still by your side when you were all graduating said high school. Needless to say, you're eternally grateful for friends like them.

But right now, in this moment––with you seated in the middle of the campus' library, trying to write your essay, as your two friends blabber on and on about the most recent gossip across from you––your two friends could be your villain origin story.

But again, you love your friends, you do. So you don't have the heart to tell them to leave. You've managed to naturally tune out most of the conversation, anyways, for this––your friends coming to hang out while you're trying to study––is no rare occurrence by any means.

"Oh yeah, Jay Park texted me last night."

You hate how your brain's filter suddenly turns off at Hana's words.

You hate how your ears catch the sudden mention of Jay Park's name.

You hate how the thought of Jay Park gets to even occupy a single brain cell of yours.

You hate how you even know who Jay Park is. Well, knew.

Past tense. Because up until eighth grade––when Jay decided to just suddenly pretend you didn't exist––he was attached to you like a koala to a eucalyptus tree.

And if you had asked past Y/N, ideally, Jay would've never left your side. Ideally, he would've never left you to fend for yourself when entering high school. Ideally, he would've stayed your best friend through out all four years of high school and ideally, you would've eventually told him how you really felt about him after growing up with him all your life. And maybe it would've lead to a completely different story. But for the sake of this fic, we don't live in an ideal world.

So yes, if it wasn't for his attendance at the very same university as you, you would've forgotten about the boy who brought you the painful memories of your childhood.

And since the universe clearly doesn't work in your favor, avoiding Jay Park's existence like he's the plague would have to suffice. And it works.

For the most part.

Until some people, bring him up uninvited into your conversation. Like now, for example.

"When was the last time you guys talked anyways?" Heeseung mindlessly asks as he reaches across the table to grab one of the many snacks you usually bring to your study sessions.

"Uh..like a few weeks ago. Give or take. Whenever you threw your house party. Can't say there was much talking involved however," she teasingly says with a giggle and wiggle of her brows.

Heeseung's rolling his eyes as you scoff and chuck a nearby crumpled piece of paper that was once one of your many essay drafts at her.

She bats it away right as it's about to hit her face as she laughs. "Doesn't matter anyways. He ghosted me the next morning, as he does with everyone else. Telling you this now," she extends a finger right at you, "stay away from Jay Park. That kid's just bad news."

You nod in response, mentally telling her she has nothing to worry about.

Been there, done that.

College. Ah yes, the very concept of spending four years of your life imprisoned on a campus where you'll be tearing your hair out from stress and spending all your life's savings just for a laminated sheet of paper with a golden stamp at the end of it all. We live in a society.

Because of said college, and all the weight that comes along with it, you had adapted a strict daily schedule in order to not completely lose your mind. It's a simple schedule really, one of a typical college student who's just trying to get by everyday with as little mental breakdowns as possible.

Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to the library to do your homework, walk all the way across campus to get back to your dorm, shower, then sleep. Oh and eat, of course. And maybe if time permits, be an actual social being and socialize.

It's gotten you this far into the college life without dropping out so, you conclude, you must be doing something right.

Sometimes, if you're feeling nice to yourself, you'll tweak the schedule a bit to fit in some exceptions. Maybe squeeze in a little trip to the bubble tea shop that's on the other side of campus, or maybe get dinner at that one dining hall that you don't usually go to because of the unncessarily long lines (but because they serve ice cream, you go anyways). It doesn't matter what the exception is, you still plan it out to fit into your schedule somehow. Everything is planned out.

Sometimes, however, the universe disagrees with your schedule, to your demise. Such as today, for example.

Because what you didn't expect for today was for a particular blonde-haired boy who you haven't spoken to in almost six years (but who's counting?) to approach your table in the library––a table you were sure no one could find you at, as it was quietly tucked away in the back corner, right next to the Astrophysics shelves. Because who browses the Astrophysics aisle for fun? Actually, maybe Jake Sim would. Anyways.

You definitely didn't anticipate a visit from the boy you've been actively avoiding, so you definitely didn't expect the first words coming out of his mouth when he sees you for the first time in six years to be:

"Fake date me."

You blink up at him.

Yeah, definitely not expected.

But you only let it phase you for a split second, until you feel a slight annoyance beginning to bubble up deep inside of you.

"Wow, hello to you too Jay! It's been what––half a decade? Yeah I've been pretty good, thanks for asking!" The sarcasm is practically dripping off your tongue.

You don't know what runs through Jay's mind, but apparently it isn't common sense––or the ability to read the room. Because next thing you know, he's sliding the chair across from you out from underneath the table and making himself at home.

And he's smiling right at you.

Curse him and his smile.

But no, you're not giving into it.

Not yet, at least.

"What do you want?" You deadpan at him when he makes no sign of making the next move.

"A girlfriend," he deadpans right back at you, as if he was casually telling you what he wanted for dinner. As if you two were close-knit friends that could approach one another without any proper greeting. As if you two had kept your friendship all these years. As if you two even had a role in each other's lives.

"Can't help you there," you scoff, deciding to not even question his lack of manners on top of his uninvited presence.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"Well gee, seeing that the first few words you decided to say to my face for the first time in forever were a demand, a demand to date you no less, then....no," your monotone voice says as you keep your eyes focused on your laptop screen, not daring to look at the boy across from you.

In the Introduction to Sociology course you took your freshmen year, you had learned of one important term: interactional vandalism. Textbook definition being: "ignoring signals of disinterest in a conversation, leading it to an offense."

Your definition being: "are you oblivious or just plan dumb, read the room!"

This was interactional vandalism, alright. Whether Jay's truly oblivious or just trying to annoy you until your head explodes (it's really the former, but you're convinced it's the latter), he takes your signals of disinterest and tosses it right out of his head to continue the conversation.

"I'm stuck in this stupid bet with Jake--do you remember him? He bet me that I couldn't date someone for more than three months and I figured having someone fake date me would be easier than actually dating someone, right? That's where you come into the equation," he proposes as he leans back in his chair, as if he had just finished a sales pitch to a prospective customer looking to buy a car.

You couldn't believe this. You're 98% sure this has got to be a prank. You're mentally preparing for a camera crew to jump out from in-between the library's aisles any moment now and scream into your ears that you've just been punk'd!

The remaining 2% of you, however, wouldn't put it past the two boys to get themselves in such a situation. The last memory you had of Jay and his friends were pretty much their childish selves back in middle school. And by looking at the current scene unfolding in front of you...it's needless to say they haven't changed much.

"Again, can't help you there. Ask one of the many girlfriends I thought you had." Ouch.

"But Y/N, you've known me all your life--"

"Up until you dropped me a few years ago but sure, let's call it that."

"--and convincing other people is gonna make me look--"

"--desperate? Yeah."

"C'mon, Y/N. What do you have to lose anyways?"

"Uh..my dignity? Pride? Self-respect? Sorry Jay, not happening," you turn your attention back to your unwritten essay in front of you, mentally checking out of this conversation. This would be a good time for that camera crew to jump out now.

"Look, no one else is gonna do it, Y/N." Jay has always been stubborn, you suppose. But so are you.

"Yeah, because you've managed to push every being of the opposite gender away from you. You gave yourself this reputation in the first place," you give it to him straight. It's not like you had a relationship with him to uphold anyways––Jay himself broke that friendship years ago.

Jay hates that you're right.

You're always right. He remembers how he used to always go to you for advice and clarity on the world's biggest problems. Granted, the world's biggest problems to him at the time equated to what he should dress up as for the fifth grade Halloween party, but still. A tough decision, for the mind of a ten-year-old.

You abruptly stop typing and begin putting your laptop and textbooks away as you huff in frustration. There's no point in trying to get your work done now. The longer you stay arguing with Jay, the bigger your headache gets. The longer he continues to occupy any part of your brain, the bigger your headache gets.

Getting up from your seat, packed and ready to slam your head into your pillow, you turn to the blonde one last time.

"Look Jay. We went on our separate ways years ago. If you weren't so notoriously known around campus and my friends would stop talking about you, I would've long forgotten you. I'm sorry you're in this situation, really. If I were you, I'd just tell Jake I can't do it. Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. Just don't get some innocent girl involved in whatever stunt of yours this is."

Jay stares at you, mouth agape, as you find your way out of the library and through the main doors. By the time he comes back to his senses, he realizes how he looks plain stupid––standing in the middle of the library, the look on his face screaming befuddlement, to say the least. Jay quickly makes his way out of the building, in hopes of convincing you one last time.

Jay catches sight of your figure already half-way down the walkway that connects the library to the main quad of your school's campus. Geez, you walk fast.

Not fast enough to outrun Jay's legs, however. If Jay running after you through the middle of campus in order to convince you to fake date him doesn't show how desperate he is to win this bet, I don't know what will.

"Wait, Y/N!"

You groan to yourself before turning to face the boy who can't seem to take a hint and leave you alone. You stare at his out-of-breath state as he heaves up and down from the slight jog he had to endure to get to where you are. If you're humored by him chasing after you, you do a good job of hiding it.

He meets your unimpressed state before stating his final proposition: "I'll pay you. Five hundred dollars."

You nearly stop breathing.

Now this catches your attention––after all, you're but a broke college student who's just trying to survive. And preferably not by feeding yourself instant ramen cups every night.

And so, naturally, you begin rethinking about the opportunity presented in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the boy as you weigh your options.

The first problem being, it's Jay Park––the bane of your very existence. You spent the last few years of your life pretending he didn't exist...for good reason. Not only did he do you dirty when you were merely a couple of 13-year-olds, but you just didn't want to be involved with someone like him. Someone known for his nature, someone who left your own current best friend ghosted. And not that Hana herself would care, for she has called herself the "female Jay Park", but you're sure this would be breaking some rule in the girl code handbook. Plus, if you agree to this, you'd be betraying 13-year-old Y/N, the one who decided to never speak to nor think of Jay Park again––which by now you've failed, but you get the gist.

Second problem being, three months is a long time. Three months is practically the rest of this semester, and did you really want to spend the rest of the semester tied down to the label of being Jay Park's girlfriend? There would have to be some negative connotations that came along with that title, right? No offense to Jay, but being his first girlfriend since, what, high school could make you come off as..naive, for lack of a better term. As if the only person you could settle for was Jay Park. As if you barely had any standards for yourself. Again, no offense to Jay.

Needless to say, if your school's debate club had to argue on why you shouldn't be doing this, you're sure the negating side could win with these two reasons alone.

But before you're rejecting the boy currently standing in front of you one last time, you find yourself mentally listing rebuttals.

First of all, you'd be getting paid. And again, you're merely but a college student living the stereotypical broke college student life––burdened by the costs of tuition, textbooks, and midnight McDonalds runs for when you're out of aforementioned instant ramen cups. Five hundred dollars could provide you with more than enough chicken McNuggets to last you the semester, and maybe some more to treat yourself to an online shopping spree.

Second of all, it's not like you were going to do anything better with your next three months anyways. It's safe to say you were too busy being a diligent student to actually look for anyone to date, per say. And if anything, having a fake boyfriend might actually be helpful in your case. Your mom would be off your ass about how you're still single, for one. And two, your friends (though it's really just Heeseung) would stop trying to hook you up on blind dates with guys that you would choose Jay Park over any day (and that really says something).

Third of all, it's Jay Park. As much as you despise the kid, you still know him. He's not a complete stranger to you, no matter how much you try to deny it. It could be worse, it could be a complete rando asking you to date him. At least you two have some sort of history, which would take care of the typical small talk and getting to know each other bit of this equation. And truth be told, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't a tad bit satisfied by the fact that Jay chose you, of all people, to pull off this stunt with him. You don't know if it's the nostalgia of your childhood memories rushing back to you, but it reminds you of the endless schemes you two used to plan behind your parents' backs all the time. Granted, your childhood schemes––such as the both of you faking sickness so you could skip school together––don't even fall close to being in a fake relationship with one another, but still. It's the thought that counts.

All of those reasons plus, Jay isn't the worst to look at. He may have a spoiled reputation, but at least he has his looks going for him, you'll give him that (you're still secretly wondering when and how did he get his glow up, but don't tell him that).

And so by the guidelines of a college student's logic that states the pros outweigh the cons, you come to the overarching conclusion that maybe, this won't be so awful after all.

"Five hundred?" You ask, just for clarification. Jay's immediately nodding at your words. You continue to ponder on your thoughts as he stares at you hopefully.

The silent atmosphere of your campus heightens the tension so much, you swear you're in one of those overdramatic pausing scenes that occur too many times in k-dramas.

You sigh, then nod.

"Okay," you're internally praying that you won't regret this decision. "I'm in."

The next time you see Jay is at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building that's home to your awfully long Capitalism in the Western World class.

You're going down the steps of the building, mentally deciding where and what you're going to treat yourself to for lunch––as the three hour lecture you had just attended drained all the life and energy out of you––when you hear the slight call of your name.

Turning to the source, you're met with a waving Jay, leaning against the passenger's side of his car, parked in front of the lecture hall building you were currently leaving.

Great.

You walk over to where he's casually waiting––he's unaware of all the stares he's attracted from fellow students leaving the same lecture as you. Can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition pull up in front of your Friday afternoon lecture. It's not everyday you see Jay Park waiting for anyone outside of his said sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition.

"Hi," you simply let out as you plant yourself in front of him, not sure whether or not to question him why are you here? Surely, he wasn't waiting for you?

"Hi," he smiles down at you. There's a beat of silence. "I was waiting for you."

Bingo.

"Oh. What are you, my chauffeur?" You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Maybe. I am your boyfriend, after all," he says into the air, loud and clear, as if he wanted people to hear. Well that is the point, you suppose.

But still, all you want to do is smack the smirk right off his face.

Before you have time to put your next question into words, he answers it for you.

"I'm taking you out for lunch," he declares as if you have nothing else planned for the day. Well, to be fair, you didn't have anything else planned for the day. Except for your usual library run. But you figure the library could wait.

"Oh, like on a date?" You raise your eyebrows teasingly at him as you get into the car, Jay holding the door wide open for you. "Is Jay Park treating me to lunch as a date?"

Jay fights the scowl (or is that a smile?) growing on his face as he bends down to meet your eye level from inside the car. "Don't flatter yourself, princess. We've got fake lives to live."

"Call me princess one more time and you won't have a real life to live," you flash him a sarcastic smile and slam the door in his face.

Jay meets his own shocked reflection on the passenger's side window.

Cute.

"When you said you were taking me out to lunch, I expected like...I don't know...the diner on campus. Not whatever this is," you mutter to Jay as the two of you are brought to your table by a waitress at an upscale sushi restaurant, one that is undoubtedly out of your usual budget, but for sure an upgrade from your dining hall's pizza you were planning to have. You should've figured as much, the drive here was a little more than out of the way from campus, and who are you kidding, it's Jay Park you're eating with.

You stare down at your current outfit, which consisted of a hoodie you've owned since your junior year of high school and leggings that you threw on without second thought this morning––because you didn't exactly wake up and decide I'm going to go to a fancy sushi bar for lunch today!

"Why are we here anyways?" You ask him when you're both settled in your seats and the waitress walks away after listing the chef's specials for the day.

"Oh, they have killer dragon rolls here, you have to try it," Jay tells you nonchalantly as his eyes rake the menu in front of him, blocking your view of him.

How dense can one be? Your hand snatches his menu as you stare into his unamused eyes.

"No, Jay. I mean, why are we here? It's not like anyone's around to see us put on a show anyways."

"Oh. I figured," Jay's quick to grab the menu back from out of your hands as he continues, "that we should sit down and establish how exactly we're going to deliver this performance. After all, you're stuck with me for the next three months."

Again, smacking the smirk currently resting on his face would satisfy you beyond relief. Just once.

"If I drop out halfway through, do I still get $250?" You tease, leaning back.

"Ha ha. Funny. No," he narrows his eyes at you from across the table. "It's all or nothing."

You dramatically huff to make a show just for his annoyance.

"Worth a try. But sure, let's solidify this. What's the game plan?" You sit up in your seat, leaning over the table as if the two of you were hosting a secret meeting.

"It's simple really," Jay mirrors your actions, face leaning in close to where yours is hovering over the table. "Just pretend to be deeply in love with me for three months, and try not to actually be charmed by my cunning looks."

If someone gave you five dollars for every time you've already rolled your eyes at him today, you wouldn't even need to be in this deal for the five hundred dollars.

"Wow, smooth. Can I just remind you you're the one paying a girl to be in a fake relationship with you because you're just not competent enough to find an actual girlfriend?" You lean back, arms crossing over your figure.

Jay, unfazed, laughs, tongue briefly hitting the inside of his cheek. "Touché."

Your eyes go back to the menu in front of you as a silence falls over the table. Because you're not a loaded trust fund baby who comes to fancy five-star sushi restaurants for lunch on a daily, you don't recognize half of the entree names on the menu. You spot the dragon roll Jay suggested, but seeing that a basic California roll is less expensive, your natural broke-college-student-instincts figure the California roll shall do.

"Okay, in all seriousness," Jay begins as he puts his menu down. "It's simple really. We'll just go on weekly dates and post cute pictures of each other once in a while and a little after three months, I'll just say it didn't work out. I'll give you the five hundo and boom, we move on with our lives."

It's clear Jay's put some thought into this. Safe to say he's put more effort planning this out than the amount of work he's been putting into his classes. Someone's got their priorities straight.

You're impressed to say the least––you figured Jay would just be the kind to go with the flow and wait for the situation to unfold on its own and maybe blow up into flames. But seeing as he was just as serious about winning this bet as you were with making five hundred dollars, your doubts about this entire situation were slowly withering away.

Don't get it wrong, though, you still despise him. To an extent, at least.

"And don't worry about the dates. I'll pay on your behalf, as the loving, doting boyfriend I am," Jay finishes with a wide, cheesy smile you can't help but return a growing smile back at.

"Well then, as the loving, doting girlfriend I am, I shall gift you coffee, breakfast, all that fun couple stuff, whenever you please. Or maybe unannounced, if I'm feeling nice," you figure you should pitch in as much if he's paying for all your dates. And deep down, you find the idea kinda cute. But don't tell anyone that.

"Wow, look at us. We should become Dispatch's couple of the year already!" Jay exclaims, earning himself a small giggle from you, which pleases him to say the least. He thinks that maybe when this is all over, he'll hopefully make a good friend (well, for the second time) out of it.

And you're thinking that maybe the next three months won't be as bad as you initially had thought.

As the two of you delve deep into a debate about who would be the better significant other to each other, the waitress comes over to take your orders.

And because you're laughing and Jay's brightly smiling at you from across the table, you order the dragon roll.

The second time Jay takes you out––this time he gives you a heads up to get ready––it's at a, once again, high-class steakhouse.

The third time, you insist on the on-campus diner that's popular amongst the student population. Partially because you feel bad for the amount of money he's spent on you (even though he couldn't care less), but mostly because if you have to put on another fancy dress to just eat an overpriced meal that doesn't even fully satisfy your hunger, you might lose your mind.

And by this third time, Jake is aware of this newly blossomed relationship.

"Three dates! I didn't know you had it in you, going on three dates with the same girl!" Jake excitedly exclaims as he jumps into the empty spot on Jay's dorm bed and shoves his phone's screen into Jay's face.

The smaller screen displays Jay's most recent Instagram post: an image of you sitting behind your too-small-to-be-this-expensive-steak and smiling right into Jay's camera––a memory that brings a smile to his face:

~ ~ ~

"C'mon! We said Instagram posts would be a part of the deal! How else can we convince people we're dating?" A pout rests on Jay's face as he stares at you from across the table in the middle of the extravagantly decorated restaurant he picked out for your second date. You remember your eyes bulging out of their own sockets when you saw the "$$$$$" rating Yelp gave the place when you searched it up earlier.

"Okay, okay! One picture," you give in, already slightly annoyed that you were here instead of the comfort of your own bed, where you could be rewatching your favorite Netflix show for the third time. But because you made a deal and because you're desperate for money, you had to follow through––so here you were.

You flash an unconvincing smile to Jay's camera, which doesn't satisfy him, to say the least. "At least pretend you're somewhat enjoying this date," he frowns at you.

You sigh, until a thought crosses your mind and a smile grows on your face. "Only if you get me boba afterwards."

He narrows his eyes at you, but then meets your smile. "Sure, whatever you want. But only because I've been craving some mango milk tea lately."

"You're a fruit milk tea kind of guy? Sorry, but I might have to fake break-up with you," you tease as you take a sip of your overpriced drink to go with your overpriced meal.

Jay scoffs, feigning hurt by placing his hand over his heart. "Ouch. But before you break up with me, let me get this Instagram post in."

"Wow. Your priorities are so straight," you roll your eyes at him, eliciting a cheeky smile from him as he watches you through his held up phone screen.

"3,2,1."

"Hey, I wasn't ready! That was like mid-laugh!" You reach over the table to grab the phone, but not quick enough for him to put his phone back into his pants' pocket.

"Nope, nuh uh," he laughs as you quickly sit back down into your seat, not wanting to cause a scene in an establishment as proper as this one.

"It's fine. It's a good picture, you look cute," he casually lets out, unaware of the blush rising to the surface of your cheeks, thanks to the fact that you were suddenly interested in playing with the left-over food on your plate.

"Jay! Delete it, I'll let you take another one," you whine from your seat, imagining just how bad a candid picture of you could be.

"Ugh, fine. Ever so picky." He playfully rolls his eyes at you as he takes his phone out and opens the camera app as you prepare yourself.

"Okay, how's this?" Jay turns the phone screen to you after he takes a few snaps on his phone.

"I approve," you grin at him as he goes through the pictures himself, unaware of the smile growing on his face.

"Okay now delete the first one," you point your finger at him, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, okay! Bossy," he laughs as he raises in hands in surrender.

When Jay gets home that night, he recovers the image from his Recently Deleted folder, telling himself it's for the sake of the memory.

Obviously.

~ ~ ~

"It's not that big of a deal," Jay mutters from his spot as his eyes go from the Instagram post to his Exile and Belonging in Modern Literature reading that's due tomorrow, bright yellow highlighter in hand. Typically, you'd find the reading buried deep at the bottom of his school backpack. But because Jay ran into you this morning and because he complained to you about the amount of work he's fallen behind on and because you had threatened him to do his work or else you're not going on another date––a fake date that is––with him, he figured he should at least get one reading done and annotated, despite his strong dislike for highlighters (they hurt his eyes, okay?)

What he doesn't know, however, is how your threat was completely full of bluff––but don't tell him that.

"It is so a big deal, for you at least!" Jake hops off the bed and lands on the wooden floors of Jay's dorm room so hard, Jay winces and sends a mental apology to the poor person who lives below him.

Jake suddenly gasps. "I have to meet her, Jay! As your best friend, it's practically mandatory that I meet her."

Jay opens his mouth to protest, but not before Jake interrupts him once again. "Oh! We can bring Sunghoon too, it'll be so fun! The best friends meet the girlfriend."

Jay can't think of anything worst. Jay imagines that bringing you to meet his best friends would just intimidate you out of dating him––fake dating him, that is. Obviously.

He stares at his friend in agony then back at the reading in front of him––the one Jake said he'd come over to help annotate, but the intention completely left Jake's head the second he heard about Jay's recent dating life.

"You don't have to meet her," Jay says pointedly. "Plus, you already know her."

Jake frowns at his friend's excuse. "Yeah, but that was in middle school! This is different."

Jay's hands shuffle through the reading's pages in front of him as he realizes there's no way the two of them are going to finish the assignment at this point. He supposes he'll have to save death by blindness from highlighters for another day and hope you still agree to go out with him.

Jake suddenly gasps in realization.

"Oh my gosh! Childhood best friends turned college sweethearts," Jake says so dreamily, he might as well plaster heart eyes on. Hopeless romantic, this one.

Before Jay can argue, the piercing sound of three loud knocks echo through the small room, followed with a:

"Jay, are you in? It's me!"

Jay stills at the sound of your sweet voice. He whips his head to Jake, who is also frozen in place.

But the widened-eye boy is quick to come to his senses––unfortunately quicker than Jay himself––because the next thing Jay knows, Jake's eyes are lighting up and he's running to the door, ignoring Jay's screaming whispers through this seething teeth that were somewhere along the lines of Jake––stop, I swear to god if you open that door I'm gonna fucking--

"Y/N!" Jake swings the door wide open, revealing an overly excited him and a frozen Jay half-way to the door, as if he was about to grab the very boy welcoming you in. It's as if we're living in a Sims game and the player clicked pause on this very moment.

Jake's eyes are wildly going back and forth between you and your supposed boyfriend, as if he was waiting for Jay to run over and smother you in hugs and kisses...or something couple-y like that. Jay wouldn't know.

"Uh––hi," you're awkwardly standing inside the room now, a relatively large paper brown bag resting in your palms as you look around for a surface to place it on. Jay makes his way to you without a second thought, quickly taking the bag out of your hold.

"You seemed stressed out earlier, so I figured I could bring you some food as a little pick me up. I didn't know what you liked, so I kinda just got a little of everything from the dining hall. Nothing fancy," you're rambling, but smiling so excitedly at him, Jay doesn't know what to say.

Instead, his mouth slightly drops open as he stares at you in awe, mostly because he's not used to being on the receiving end of such spontaneously generous actions––all while Jake's still excitedly looking back and forth between the two of you, as if he was expecting a marriage proposal to come next.

"Oh wow. Thank you. Really," Jay, still touched by your simple act of kindness, softly says as he places the bag on the limited amount of empty space on his desk surface––the rest of it is covered with his untouched textbooks and unfinished assignments. He wonders if you did this out of playing your role or just because you wanted to. He internally hopes it's the latter. "Seriously, you didn't have to do."

"Nah, don't worry. I wanted to," you shrug with such a genuine smile that Jay realizes he actually missed your smile.

Despite having seen you during your brief run-in this morning when you were fetching your morning coffee, Jay realizes he missed you. The two of you haven't been seeing each other recently because of your busy schedule and if Jay didn't realize it before, he's now sure he missed your company and presence around.

Weird.

"Well, you two have fun! Sunghoon needs me for something," Jake suddenly chirps from his place near the front door, halfway through with putting his shoes on already, breaking the comforting silence that fell between the two of you.

Jay frowns. "But you said you were free all da––"

"SUNGHOON IS CALLING BYE!" And before Jay can even register what's happening, Jake's out the door without another word.

"Er..sorry about him, he's...weird," Jay scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his spot on his bed, mentally setting a reminder to yell at Jake later for leaving the two of you alone. Jay doesn't know exactly why, but he's nervous at the fact that you're here in his room. It's not like you two are complete strangers––or whatever you guys were before––anymore. "Good job on your part, though. How'd you know Jake was here?"

"Oh uh, I didn't"," you let out an awkward laugh. "I just felt like doing it."

Heat rushes to Jay's cheeks and he's not sure 1) what this newfound feeling is and 2) how to respond, yet again.

Having expecting you to leave after dropping the food off, Jay's taken by surprise when you take your shoes off and come over to his bed to look at the pile of work he's spread out.

"Is this everything you have to do?" You question the stressed-out boy as you flip through the various assignments, readings, and essays he put off in the past week.

"More or less," he groans. This is no rare occurrence by any means––Jay being behind in his work––but this time, Jay realizes he may actually be in deep shit, considering he has no idea where to begin.

Right as Jay's expecting a scolding from you, he looks up to meet a look of sympathy on your face. "Well, I mean, I'm pretty much done with my day. I can try to help, I recognize some of these readings from last semester."

Jay thinks to himself that the universe has sent him an angel through the form of you.

"Really? Wow, you were't kidding when you said you'd be a good girlfriend," he sends you a surprised look.

"I'm just being nice, Jay. A concept I'm sure you're not familiar with," you remark back at him, causing his forming smile to grow into a laugh.

"I can too be nice! Need I remind you of who's paying you $500, covering all of our dates AND giving you rides to class everyday?" He remarks pointedly at you, a teasing look resting in his eyes as you're reminded of the first of many times he's come to pick you up before class:

~ ~ ~

You're late.

This never happens.

But then again, your life's been a series of unexpected occurrences lately. Such as the fact that you're currently known as Jay Park's girlfriend, for one.

You're scrambling out of bed once you take one look at your phone and realize shit, you're already late for class. Throwing on whatever articles of clothing your eyes land on first, you're already mentally groaning at the fact that you'll have to skip breakfast and run across your campus to get to said class.

Curse your professor for hosting her lecture at the furthest possible building away from your dorm. Curse the architect who decided to make your campus so large.

You're running down the steps outside of your dorm building's doors when you're abruptly stopped by a familiar sounding cough. You look up from trying to gather all your belongings together at once to meet the gaze of the source of the sound––Jay.

"Wow, you're a mess," he smirks as he gets up from the spot on his car he was leaning against to make his way over to you.

"Gee, thanks! Good morning to you too," you flash him a sarcastic smile before your default frown quickly makes it way back onto your face.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?" He grins as he grabs hold of your backpack to sling it across his own back as the two of you walk towards his car.

"Why are you here, Jay?" you sigh, your sarcastic tone hard to miss.

"To give you a ride to class, of course!" He's beaming at you, as if he's a pre-pubescent teen who just won their first girlfriend a prize from the arcade's claw machine.

Oh. That explains the car, you figure. Deep down inside, you're relieved that you'll no longer be bursting through the lecture hall's doors as a sweaty mess––a result of having to run across campus to get to class.

Determined to not let your satisfaction completely show, you resort with a little smile directed towards Jay as he opens the passenger door for you.

The second your enter Jay's car, the strong scent of coffee hits you, and your attention is targeted at the two small cups of coffee sitting in the cupholders of the car.

"Breakfast?" Jay asks as he enters through the driver's side and reaches into the backseat to whip out a small pastry bag. A small, deliciously smelling, pastry bag.

Okay, well. You suppose you could drop the annoyed act now.

Your eyes widen with joy as you grab the bag from him and open it to reveal your favorite breakfast sandwich. He's been taking notes, you'll give him that point.

"Okay, you win. Thank you," you grace him with a soft smile before taking a bite into the glorious gift in your hands.

"Of course, I was just feeling nice," he grins at you as he starts his car. "But don't get used to it." His tone is serious, but his smile directed towards you says differently.

And the fact that he still showed up to drive you to class the next morning.

And the next.

~ ~ ~

"And need I remind you who has to date your dumb ass for the $500 in question?" Your eyes narrow at the boy who can't seem to get that damn smile off his face.

Jay sticks his tongue out at you, ending the conversation. Really Jay? What are you, five? Well, mentally––probably.

You're looking around his minuscule dorm room for a place to sit down, and Jay can't help but feel embarrassed now that you're here, in his messy single studio room that pretty much reflects how Jay treats every other responsibility of his oh so hard life: neglected.

"Uh...here, you can sit on my bed," Jay immediately offers as he moves to the side to make room for your presence––and it isn't much, considering the university only provided him a twin XL bed which is definitely not built for two grown college-aged kids.

If you told yourself a few weeks ago that you'd be shoulder to shoulder on a bed belonging to the guy you cringed at the very thought of, you wouldn't have believed yourself. You wouldn't have believed yourself if you said you were actually glad Jay let you stay instead of kicking you out after delivering the food. Huh.

Weird.

"You know, this kinda reminds me of when we were kids. I always carried us through those horrible multiplication tests in the fifth grade," you wink at him as you settle in the spot next to him, hands grabbing hold of the papers in his lap.

Jay let out a laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "Hey! The twelve times table is hard, okay?"

You roll your eyes at him––a habit of yours he's noticed whenever the two of you are together, but more recently, he thinks it's been more out of fun than annoyance.

He wonders why.

When Jay had first brought up the idea of bringing you as his date to his father's company dinner, you had expected a fairly fancy five-star restaurant with a formal dress code––for you've become accustomed to Jay's lifestyle. Turns out, your expectations can continue to be exceeded. Because what you had expected to be a simple dinner with a few other business men and women turned out to be an entire party, hosted in a hotel whose interior resembled something close to a castle (Or what you assume a castle looks like, as you've never personally been into a castle yourself, but this hotel is close enough).

Your eyes sparkle at the extravagant columns and diamond chandeliers hanging high above you, and Jay smiles at the expression on your face; like a little girl being brought to the amusement park for the first time ever.

"Wow, this is...wow," you mutter as you drink in the scene in front of you: people dressed in formal attire likewise to yours and Jay's, mingling and drinking what you imagine to be beverages that cost more than your entire life's worth.

Jay laughs from behind you, "Yeah the company goes a little...extra when it comes to these company dinners."

You scoff as you look up at him. "Oh really, you don't say?" You look around and you're suddenly aware of the many people surrounding the two of you and the attention you've acquired ever since entering the building.

"Jay, people are staring." You shuffle closer to him, your voice lowering down to a whisper.

"Well, it's not everyday the son of the company's CEO brings his girlfriend with him, so...looks like we'll be the talk of the party tonight. Smiles on," he winks at you, and you just know he's loving the attention the two of you are receiving right now.

"Jay Park? Is that you?" You hear a warm voice call out from behind the two of you.

The two of you turn around to meet the owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman dressed in an evening gown that matches the pattern of high-end brands you've been recognizing ever since arriving.

"Mrs. Lee! It's so nice seeing you again," Jay cheerily addresses the woman as the two of you bow in greeting.

You internally giggle at the thought of your Jay being so picture-perfect in the eyes of his father's co-workers.

"This is Y/N," he continues, his hand finding its way to your back, protectively resting it there as you go to introduce yourself. "My girlfriend."

You swear you feel goosebumps rise from where he's lightly touching you, and more so when he introduces you as his girlfriend.

You tell yourself it's just your nerves. Yes, that's it, you're just nervous. I mean, you're in a room filled with people who could easily pay off all your college loans with just a snap of their fingers, who wouldn't be nervous? Right? Right.

"Y/N! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!" Mrs. Lee excitedly exclaims as you turn to Jay with a slightly confused look plastered on your face. He mirrors your expression as he shrugs, moving to stand behind you completely, bringing his hands to rest lowly at your hips.

His hands feel like feathers on the thin fabric of your evening gown, so light, so delicate, as if he's unsure if he's crossing a line. It leaves you wanting more, wanting to naturally lean against him and his warmth. You quick to shake the thought of your head as Mrs. Lee chirps up again.

"Jay's father is always talking about how you've been keeping Jay pleasantly busy nowadays! Good thing too, about time this poor boy settle down for someone as beautiful as you," the woman rambles on as you feel a blush creep up on your cheeks at the thought of Jay talking about you to his dad. If only they knew.

"We should probably go find our seats, I think the dinner is beginning soon," Jay says from behind you, saving the two of you from having to listen to Mrs. Lee's story of how she's known Jay ever since he was five years old and seeing him grow into this mature, loving, young man is so amazing. Oh look! I have baby pictures.

Yeah, he was more so saving himself from embarrassment.

The two of you bid your goodbyes before Jay gently uses the hand on your back to maneuver you through the crowd of socializing business moguls.

"She's not wrong, you know," you feel Jay dip his head so he's speaking near your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe, as the two of you make your way through the large foyer room.

"Hm?" You hum in question, turning your head up just enough to be able to make eye contact with him as he responds to your look of confusion.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says, eye contact not breaking once. You freeze in your steps.

You stare back at him in silence. Oh.

Your mind is panicking as it flips through your mental book of responses, unsure of what to say back. But because your mind is cloudy from staring at a put-together Jay in a dark navy suit to match your dress (mixed with the nervous butterflies in your stomach––have they always been there?), the only sound that's able to leave your lips is the small stutter of a:

"Huh?"

Wow Y/N, you had one job. A simple "thank you" could've sufficed! And you went with "Huh"?

You felt like a fifth grader who just learned from a friend of a friend of a friend that their crush likes them back.

"U-um. Mrs. Lee. What she said about you. You look good, really," somehow your nervousness made its way over to Jay now––his eyes flickering from yours to anywhere, anything, else in the room––the awkward tension growing tenfold each second.

Goddamnit Y/N, this is just Jay you're talking to, get a grip.

You're knocked back into reality when he slightly nudges your back to continue making your way to the main ball room, where the dinner is being held.

"Is that a compliment from the Jay Park?" Your smirk can't be seen by Jay, since he's still trailing behind you, but he can definitely hear it through your tone.

"Don't make me take it back," he chuckles, his words felt against your neck, leaving behind a tingly sensation you're not sure why you're feeling. You're glad he's behind you, so he isn't able to see the blush creeping onto your face for the second time tonight.

Jay gives a small nod to the people behind the check-in desk stationed at the entrance as the two of you waltz right into a large ball room lined with countless circular dining tables. So much for a small business dinner.

As the two of you approach one of the tables placed at the front of the room, you notice a familiar figure seated next to the seats reserved for you and Jay.

"Y/N!" Jake exclaims as he gets up from his seat to greet the both of you. "I'm so glad you made it, Jay was so excited to bring you tonight. Deadass would not stop talking about it."

Jay lets out a noise that falls somewhere between a cough and a goose being strangled, his widened eyes warning his talkative friend to just shut up. He's silently cursing the company for always seating his and Jake's family at the same table for these events.

"Aw, is that so? He's lucky he's cute or else I wouldn't have agreed," you grin, winking at your assumed boyfriend sitting next to you.

"Hey, YOU were the one excited to come! I recall a certain someone's face lighting up when I suggested we go shopping for tonight," Jay immediately retorts.

"Only because you were buying," you giggle, causing Jake to laugh as well.

"Damn, Jay. Tough," Jake jokingly adds as you laugh alongside him. The scowl sitting on Jay's face expresses the opposite of what he's feeling right now: warmth filling him up from the sound of your laughter and the image of you getting along so well with his best friend.

"I'm gonna get us some drinks, you two have fun making fun of me," Jay narrows his eyes at the two of you as he gets up from his seat. You bid him off with a smile before turning back to Jake.

"No but really though, this boy would not stop talking about you coming tonight. Then again, he doesn't really ever stop talking about you," Jake nonchalantly says, not knowing how much he was exposing his friend to you right now.

You raise an eyebrow up in response, "Oh really?"

"Seriously! I don't know what you did to him, Y/N, but this Jay I've been seeing recently is new. He complains a lot less about life nowadays, especially on the days he sees you," he leans back in his chair as his comment brings a smile to your face. Little does he know.

You stretch your neck up to find the boy in question and spot him right as he's returning to your shared table, two drinks in hand. You lock eyes with him from across the room and without a second thought, you're giving him a genuine smile that he's immediately returning.

Your heart beats faster at the view.

You wonder why.

It's 3:07AM when you hear the first ding.

You're not 100% sure as of why you're awake at this hour on a Tuesday night––perhaps a combination of your restless thoughts and feelings not letting you sleep plus the typical stress that comes hand-in-hand with the life of a college student.

It's 3:09AM when you hear the second ding, and you brush it off, assuming it was just Heeseung spamming you with memes again––something he does often when he also can't sleep (you found this out the hard way).

It's still 3:09AM when you hear the third ding, and at 3:10AM , you finally reach over and decide to acknowledge the being who's bothering you at this godforsaken hour.

Jay [3:07AM]: Y/N

Jay [3:09AM]: hi

Jay [3:09AM]: r u awake rn

Y/N [3:10AM]: unfortunately so

Y/N [3:11AM]: why are you up

Jay [3:11AM]: come outside

Y/N [3:13AM: jay it's 3am

Jay [3:13AM]: ye and? don't tell me ur a college student with a curfew

Jay [3:14AM]: plus im alrdy waiting for u outside so u have no choice

Jay [3:15AM]: :)

You groan at your bright phone screen currently illuminating your dark dorm room.

You ponder the consequences you may have to suffer tomorrow if you stay up any later than you already have. But considering the fact that you're probably just going to stay awake lying in bed for god knows how long anyways, why not?

(And you would like to point out that this decision has nothing to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jay in a few days and that maybe a tiny, tiny, tiny, part of you may have missed his presence. Nothing.)

And since that logic is obviously valid (you really gotta work on justifying your life choices), you're suddenly grabbing a hoodie from your closet and hoping it'll be enough to keep you, who's merely in an old band t-shirt from high-school and pajama shorts, warm.

The breeze hits your skin the second you open the doors to your dorm's building, and you're met with the view of Jay's sleek, black BMW that probably costs more than your tuition. He waves at you from the driver's seat, motioning for you to get in.

"To what do I owe you the pleasure at this hour," you deadpan at him with a stone-cold voice as you enter through the passenger's side door, hoping your tone was enough to hide the fact that you're giddy at the fact he invited you out at 3AM in the morning. Like a high-school girl sneaking out of her house to meet up with her bad-boy boyfriend that her parents dislike.

The second you enter his car, you're instantly comforted by the warm air blasting through his vents and his playlist softly playing in the background. Jay's pajama pants and messy hair give you more than enough information to know that he probably just rolled out of his own bed as well. You don't know why, but your view: Jay in his oversized hoodie with his unkept hair in front of your dorm building at 3AM on a Tuesday night, gives you comfort in weird ways you can't explain even if you tried.

But it's obviously just your cloudy, 3AM mind not thinking straight. Obviously.

"When I can't sleep, I go on drives around campus. It helps clear my mind," he says, looking over at you to give you a quick smile before starting his car. "Plus, SnapMap said you were still awake, so...figured you'd wanna join."

"Oh so what, you're my stalker now? You're not driving to the woods to kill me now, are you?" You tease, an eyebrow brought up. Jay lets out a laugh from beside you as he begins to drive further into your campus.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," he throws you a wink before reverting his gaze back to the road, mindlessly driving to wherever the road decides to take him.

A comfortable silence falls in between the two of you as Jay continues to drive endless routes around your campus. You look over to the boy driving next to you and take in his features––you don't know what changed, but you no longer feel the same anger or annoyance bubbling within you when you're around him. You're not sure when this changed, but you figure it's just the effect of desensitization. After all, you've been spending so much time with him, you're bound to get used to it. Right?

"Why were you up?" Jay finally asks after a few minutes of just the two of you silently basking in each other's presences.

"Ah, you know. The usual. Endless thoughts running through my mind, stress from school, nothing new," you sign, giving him a soft smile followed with a shrug.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You answer him with silence as you search your head for the answer.

"I don't know. This is kinda weird, isn't it?" You don't know why you get a sudden surge of confidence, but before you can stop yourself, you find yourself rambling on. "If you had told me a month ago that I'd be here driving around with you when it's nearly 4AM, I would've laughed in your face."

Jay doesn't know whether to laugh or scoff. "Is the idea of hanging out with me that unappealing to you?"

You give him a serious look back. "I mean, up until a month ago when you needed me for whatever this game is, you literally pretended I didn't exist."

Oh. Awkward.

You freeze at your own words, mentally screaming at yourself for letting the words leave your mouth. Why, why, why.

"Y/N..." Jay says after clearing his throat after a few seconds of silence.

"No it's fine, it was a joke," you awkwardly cough and direct your attention to anything else around you right now. The view of your campus' buildings zooming by. The clicking of Jay's blinker when he switches lanes. The quiet roaring of his car's engine. The nervous tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel.

The rest of the ride is excruciatingly silent as he exits the main road and into an empty parking lot of some administration building made out of glass that has too many floors for you to count.

You don't know why you feel your heart beating in your throat as Jay puts the car into park––why you feel uneasy. You slightly turn towards him in your seat, hoping to pick up any sign of well...anything from him.

You don't know why you feel a twinge of guilt––it's not like what you said was necessarily wrong. If you were being honest, you were slightly bothered by how the two of you seemed to silently agree not to mention your past all this time. You were always one to seek answers, to seek closure. You couldn't help but bring it up––Jay was your best friend during those years. For him to just wake up one day and pretend you were nothing to him hurt you, and you couldn't help but still wonder what in the world you did to initiate his actions.

"I'm sor–" You're interrupted with his timid voice, as if he was almost afraid to speak.

"I'm not good with people." He's nibbling on his bottom lip, fingers nervously picking at a spot on the steering wheel.

You're opening and closing your mouth, unsure how to respond. You're 100% positive you look like a fish right now. Good for you.

"I don't know why. Jake calls it commitment issues but in order to have commitment, people have to stay in my life. And people just...don't. They're all bound to leave at some point. So what's the point of putting in effort into relationships if they're just going to leave you at the end?"

You're stunned by his sudden confession, not having been prepared for such a heavy topic to arise between the two of you. Up until tonight, your interactions had always been light-hearted and easy––you guys got along well. You didn't know this is how he felt all along.

But you knew where he was coming from.

You knew what Jay had gone through as a child––his mother having left him and his dad when he was young. You remember when your parents had told you the news at the young age of 13, and you remember the pain and sorrow you felt for your then friend. All you wanted to do was go to him and comfort him, but he had already cut you out from his life by then.

"Or maybe I'm the problem. My dad barely acknowledges my existence because he thinks giving me an allowance is all the parenting I need, my friends probably only stick around because they feel bad for me, you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the bet, and, fuck, I'm literally known as the campus' fuckboy," Jay continues, falling deeper and deeper into the hole he dug himself.

He hates this, he hates opening up and feeling vulnerable, so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable voicing out his fears and worries when he's around you. But he does know it's a new feeling––one he doesn't know how to deal with.

"Jay," you lace your voice with as much comfort as you can provide. None of this is his fault, you want to tell him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he says with a hint of bitterness and you can't tell if it's directed towards you or the topic at hand.

You're completely turned in your seat now to face him––despite the fact that he refuses to meet your gaze, afraid that looking at you is gonna bring out the most vulnerable in him. "You can talk to me. Talking about it makes it a lot easier. I'll always be here for you, as a friend."

Jay doesn't know what it is or why, but something in him snaps at the sound of a certain word falling out of your lips. Friend. Friend.

Friends don't make his heart beat nervously whenever he's around them. Friends don't keep him up at 3AM in the morning, pondering about his feelings for them. Friends don't provide him with this new, warm comfort he's become accustomed to whenever he's around you.

Deep down, Jay knows you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. But because he's strong-headed, stubborn, and hates how vulnerable he feels next to you, he unleashes his emotions without thinking about the destruction coming along.

"It's none of your business, Y/N. Forget I said anything. You're just a toy for this stupid game and when it's all over we can go back to our own lives and forget this ever happened."

His sudden words cut deep, but they hurt him more than you. The second the words tumble out of his mouth, he's hit with the feeling of instant regret washing over him, and the lump forming in his throat restricts him from finding the right words to take them back.

The silence that falls between the two of you this time is different. It's a cold silence. A loud silence.

Jay feels his walls coming back up around him––the ones you managed to get through––and all he wants to do is apologize but he's terrified. Terrified of seeing your reaction, terrified of losing you again. For the second time.

You tell yourself he doesn't mean it. You tell yourself that he's just enduring more pain that one should ever receive.

But you also tell yourself that this wouldn't be the first time Jay leaves you in the dust.

You tell yourself that you're foolish for ever believing a friendship, or more, could come out of this act at the end. That you're so naive for feeling those stupid, stupid butterflies you've started to notice in your stomach whenever you see, or even think of, him.

"Okay," you begin with a firm tone. You're hurt, but you refuse to show it. You won't let him hurt you for a second time. Not again.

"Just...find me when you need me. As your fake girlfriend or just...me. I'm still here for you," is the last thing you say before un-clicking your seatbelt and leaving his car, beginning your walk back to your dorm hall.

Jay is unsure about many things in life. He's unsure about what he wants to do in the future, he's unsure of where he's going to settle in life, heck, he's unsure about what to have for lunch tomorrow. But he's sure about one thing.

That he's wearing his heart on his sleeve right now, and it's all because of you.

That you've become this new lifeline and he has to choose between holding onto you or drowning.

When Jay wakes up the next morning, his first gut instinct is to get ready to pick you up for class. But today's different. Jay doesn't know where the two of you stand now, especially after last night.

Jay doesn't know how to deal with this combination of unknown emotions he's been feeling lately. They didn't come out of no where, by any means, he realizes. They've been slowly growing over the past month of seeing you so often––like a plant he's been watering overtime, not expecting it to bloom into a flower so suddenly––but he figured it was nothing more than just enjoying the company of a friend.

Until he realizes that the term friend just doesn't suite you anymore––not to him, at least. And that scares him. It scares him that you've made him genuinely smile more in this past month than he ever has in his 19 years of living. It scares him that when he's around you he can't comprehend his own thoughts, his feelings. It scares him that you make him vulnerable, that you've changed him. That you've managed to make the walls that he's spent so long building and polishing to crumble with a simple tap of your finger.

In a perfect world, Jay would have already told you all this––he would be unafraid of how you would react, unafraid of your rejection, unafraid of losing this growing relationship with you. But alas, we don't live in a perfect world. And so when Jay drives to class that day, he drives right past your dorm building.

"Where's Y/N?" is the first thing Jake questions when he enters Jay's car that morning, confused by your absence, having been used to you being in the front seat every morning when Jay goes to give Jake rides to class as well.

"I don't know," Jay mutters, unemotional eyes focused on the road in front of him, not interested in continuing a conversation that involves thinking about you.

Jake hesitates as curiosity gets the best of him. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?"

Jay's hands tighten around the steering wheel of his car. "Or something. Let's just leave it at that."

There are a few beats of silence before Jake speaks up again.

"Well, I guess this works out because I wanted to talk to you about something."

Jay continues to stare straight ahead of him, focusing on just trying to get by without mentally beating himself up at the simple thought of you.

The simple thought of you and your smile. Your witty remarks. Your stupid eye rolls. Your laughter. Your kindness. So much for not thinking about you.

"I'm calling it off," Jake's words catch Jay off guard.

"Huh? Calling what off?"

"The bet. I'm calling it off. I don't care about the textbook fees I'll have to pay next semester. Look, fight or not, you and Y/N are good for each other, everyone can see it. And I really don't want this to end up being one of those messed up teen TV shows where the girlfriend finds out the entire relationship was based off of a stupid game and then they break up and the boyfriend falls into eternal sadness and regret. And I don't wanna see you sad, dude. So yeah! Congrats," although he's admitting defeat, Jake's beaming widely, just content with the fact that his best friend has finally found happiness through the form of you. "You win."

But Jay feels like the opposite of a winner. Because even though his only intention coming into this was simply winning the bet, his life isn't as simple as it was a month ago. Because he discovered something much more valuable than some stupid textbook fees or five hundred dollars or getting his physics homework done for an entire semester.

Something he's scared he's already lost.

You.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next time you see Jay is at the same time and place as when he first ever appeared to pick you up––at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building home to your awfully long Capitalism in World History class. This time, however it's different.

Because this time, it's one month later, and Jay Park is no longer a forgotten side character in the story of your life. This time, you're frustrated because it's been three days since you've last heard from Jay. And because it's been three days since you've last heard from him, you can't focus on anything else, and because you can't focus on anything else, you're falling behind on every other aspect in your life. Jay's somehow managed to become the center of your life without even having to be present.

Well, up until now. Up until you go down the steps of your lecture hall's entrance and look up to be met with a figure leaning on a car you're far too familiar with. You freeze in your steps as you make eye contact with the boy you've been thinking about non-stop for the past month three days.

Your mind tells you to walk away, to just follow your flight instinct instead of fight, to just go back to your normal life. But here's the thing. Ever since Jay's made his way back to your life, it's been far from normal.

And if you're being honest, you had no interest in going back to your normal life. Normal's overrated anyways. You find your legs bringing yourself over to him, your heart leading the way.

"Hi," you simply say, planting yourself right in front of him.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" You already know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.

"Waiting for you," Jay doesn't hesitate in answering you. This time will be different, he tells himself.

"I can walk myself home, thanks," you state, but your actions tell differently, as you make no sign of moving from your spot in front of him.

Jay's mind contemplates telling you everything. About how he regrets that friendship-breaking decision he made that one fateful day in the eighth grade, about his true feelings, about how he first suspected these feelings when he was 11 years old and saw you in your fancy get-up for the sixth grade dance but put it off as a little crush, and about how the same feelings grew into something so, so much more in the present. But seeing that putting all these thoughts into words would involve more than one functioning brain cell (which is all he's convinced he has in the moment, for the view of you staring up at him, looking like that, has his brain short-circuiting), he settles with:

"He called it off. It's over. The bet."

"Oh."

Silence.

Okay, Jay. This is your chance. Say it.

"Is that it?" You lift an eyebrow, awaiting for more explanation. When it doesn't come, you slightly nod and start backing away. "I'll see you around then."

Is that it? Do the two of you just go back to your respective lives now? How can Jay do that, when he doesn't even recall what his life was like before you entered it––and especially when he has absolutely no interest in going back to that life?

Fuck it.

"Y/N!" He stands up straight, a newfound confidence taking over. This time will be different, he tells himself. Because now, he knows what he wants. For sure.

You turn towards him, to see him already making his way towards you, stopping in his steps when he finds himself close enough to you that he can't concentrate anymore.

"I'm sorry for ditching you in the eighth grade. I'm sorry for ignoring you since then. I'm sorry for dragging you into this stupid mess and for pushing you away and I'm sorry for calling you a toy. Because it's far from truth. I like you. A lot. And––and I'm scared. I'm scared of what this means for us, because I just keep messing things up and all I know is that I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and realize you're not in my life anymore and––"

"Woah, woah, Jay. Slow down," you look up at him, the corners of your lips threatening to curve up into a smile. "You're an idiot, you know."

Jay's never really confessed his feelings to anyone before, per say, so he doesn't really know what to expect. But he's watched enough Netflix rom-coms in this lifetime (which is still not that many) to know that hearing the words "you're an idiot" isn't what you're supposed to hear after pouring your heart and soul out. Surely not, right?

"I––I'm not sure how to respond to that," he quietly says, searching your eyes for a sign, for anything. You giggle at his sudden shyness as you grab both his arms and look at him right in the eyes.

"It's okay. I get it, if anything, I'm also scared. But you somehow got me wrapped around your stupid finger, and I hate it," you smirk at him, your hands slowly making their way up his arms to circle around his neck.

Jay's hands naturally fall at your waist as he lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding as he returns your smirk. "Well, I could say the same about you. And I also hate it, for your information."

"Hmm, is that so? I guess it cancels out then, right?" You smile at him as he's pulling you in so close, your head turns cloudy.

Jay grins at you, his eyes holding so much joy and endearment as they quickly flicker down to your lips before returning to your own eyes. "I guess this only means one thing then."

"Mm, and what's that?"

And before Jay can answer––and because your life's been anything but normal lately––you make the first move this time, moving your head up to close the small gap between the two of you.

His arms instinctively tighten around you as you capture his lips with your very own, and Jay swears he's about to lift off into space right now. He's on cloud nine, and he makes no plans to touch the ground ever again.

The kiss quickly becomes fervent, all the pent-up tension that the two of you had for one another finally finding its way out, all the words that were previously left unsaid finally expressing themselves. You don't even care if you're being judged by the conservative faculty members of your school right now, or by the looks of fellow students walking past the two of you.

You try your best to keep yourself from smiling as he continues to press his lips against yours, his hand moving to hold your chin, guiding your mouth with his.

Before you find yourself getting carried away, you step back to take a breath, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands rest against your back. He smiles at the sound of you giggling against him.

Jay takes a step back to take one look at you and realizes, in this moment, that change can be good. And he's willing to undergo this change. As long as it's with you.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next morning, you bounce down the steps of your dorm building's entrance to meet the wide, bright smile of your ex-childhood-bestfriend-turned-fake-boyfriend-turned-real-boyfriend waiting for you in front of his car, small pastry bag in hand. You smile back at him.

Jay drives you to class that day.

And everyday after that.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ :

✰ let me know what you think! if u made it til the end, mwah :') <3

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the liyue crew

characters included: xiao, childe, beidou, and zhongli

ik i forgot ningguang i promise i’ll include her in part 2, i just didn’t have time :(

all x a gn! reader 

my liyue babies :,) ft. ningguang in spirit

an: i was listening to my soft playlist (more like listening to cupid’s chokehold on repeat, no i am not basic 🔪) and i thought some fluff headcanons would be cute w these sweet people

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

ok so no surprise that he hates liyue harbor

he hates anything w a lot of people in it so he prefers to stay at wangshu inn tyvm

but by contrast, you love liyue harbor sm (it’s gorgeous i mean c’mON)

you go there often to retrieve your commissions in order to stay closer to xiao (liyue harbor is closer than mondstadt he argues but you’re well aware that they’re both equally far away)

so if anyone asked, xiao would absolutely refuse to go to the harbor like i hate people??? why would you even ask???

but,,,he’s so sOFT for you

if you asked??? he would agree in a heartbeat

but since he’s >:( angsty boy, he makes you think that he won’t go even when he’s already decided that he’s coming w you

he puts up the “if you so require, then i guess i will assist you with your travels in liyue harbor” but in reality he would definitely have said yes even without the almond tofu

while he hates the harbor, he thinks that with you anything is bearable :,) simp

you take him to see xinyan to vibe w her music and you can tell he really enjoys it

even tho he’s like 🕴 the entire time, you see the softer look on his face and the very slight smile on his lips as he listens to the music and watches the crowd

so so so cute very soft for him

i do see him as a subtly touchy person in public like brushing the hair off your face, swiping his thumb across your cheek, or gently pulling your hair back when you have a plate of food in your hands 

the type to link your pinkies together - he claims it’s so you don’t get lost but yk better 

after the concert is done you take him to that one waypoint near mt. tianheng and the both of you just watch the city lights and the way they reflect beautifully on the water surrounding the harbor 

personal headcanon that xiao absolutely loves stargazing since he believes the stars are the one true constant in his life especially since he’s experienced so much loss (basically they’ll never leave him god i hate myself why do i make everything SAD)

mini headcanon off of that - he doesn’t stargaze with people,,, like ever 

it’s something he loves to do alone so the fact that he lets you stargaze w him and even allows you to shift your head onto his lap while you watch the sky is a huge deal 

he loves it when you softly whisper abt how your day was or something you saw that made you laugh 

he just loves hearing your voice, it automatically calms the voices in his head 

you absolutely ADORE when he has flowers in his hair especially cecilias (cecillias? ceccillias? idfk) and you make a point whenever you go to mondstadt to pick a fresh batch of cecilias just for xiao while enlisting the help of your favorite bard  

these soft moments on the mountain are usually when you’ll sweetly tuck in a flower or two in his hair while laughing 

he’ll blush fiercely while looking away but will tuck the cecilias in securely as you’re unable to do so due to the position you’re in on his lap

all in all - this was not meant to come out as a date idea but we’re going w it 

this is so cute xiao pls let me put flowers in your hair sweet boy <3

childe

god, loml, my favorite war criminal after eren yeager 

there’s never a dull moment w this man - if you wanted peace and quiet, why the hell are you dating him bestie???

is the type of person to yell out “Y/N, i can’t believe i ran into you here!” if he sees you somewhere even tho you explicitly told him you were going to be here in the morning (ik you have a good memory ajax don’t lie to me 😐)

i don’t see him as being obnoxious w pda unlike someone else kaeya but he would definitely participate (think: handholding, cheek kisses, an arm around your shoulders)

loves it when he comes home and sees you in an apron cooking 

domesticity just makes his heart melt so you can be sure that your face will be peppered w a lot of kisses afterwards <3 

absolutely ADORES it when you trace his scars absentmindedly when you’re lying down or even when you’re having dinner in public  

he’s been far from his family for so long that small acts of mindless affection like this really make his heart happy 

you have him drunk on your love luv haha see what i did there 

he will let you put makeup on him. no i do not take criticism ⛄️

he already has on lowkey thick eyeliner,,, don’t be shy put some more bestie 

he will shamelessly go out in public w whatever you made him wear - doesn’t really give a shit even tho he has a reputation to maintain 

speaking of reputation,,, yk his mask? yeah that one - the red hair accessory that he has on his head

well on the mask, he attached a little charm the both of you got together on your first date during lantern rite 

it’s this adorable fox that we all shamelessly kill for meat and he placed it so it anchored to the side of his mask so when he fights it isn’t a nuisance or anything (does that make sense??? i hope it does) 

his subordinates notice and while they’re stoic around childe, behind closed doors they do whisper abt the mysterious person who’s captured his heart 

not so mysterious anymore when they literally see him cling onto you during his daily patrol around the harbor 💀

it’s ok tho he’s lucky he’s cute 

bestie,,, pls give him a neck massage 

i just KNOW he’s tense there idk something abt the way he carries himself just screams “my neck hurts so bad someone pls help me i would ask but my pride literally will not let me”

so give him a neck massage :) don’t worry tho he’ll definitely return the favor and then some

LOVES TICKLE FIGHTS 

he’s obsessed w them,,, it’s just the faces you make??? he can’t get enough 

he loves seeing the pure joy and the brief fear (he’s kind of a sadist) in your eyes before he attacks you w those damned hands 

it reminds him a lot of simpler times w his siblings and he’s happy he brings you joy and makes you forget your worries - at least for a little while 

all in all, he’s a good boy and no i will not tolerate childe slander 🔪 kaeya slander tho 😏

beidou

you pulled beidou??? wow everyone’s jealous (pulled as in literally from the banner and in this context but no i do not have beidou and no i definitely do not want to talk abt it)

god made beidou and zhongli just so all of us could have a sexuality crisis 

anyways, being w her is hard i will not lie 

not bc she isn’t a capable lover - no, quite the contrary 

she’s an amazing partner but the problem here lies in the fact that she’s almost never on land 

it’s hard working a long distance relationship but y’all love each other so it works out :,) 

when she is physically present however, expect to never be bored 

she’ll quietly fix the wrinkles on your shirt or fiddle with your fingers in her hands while she recounts her adventures out on sea 

she sometimes gets worried she bores you, however the way your eyes light up every time she tells a tale always reassures her otherwise

definitely the type to let you use her claymore if you want to learn 

she’ll provide useful tips as she tucks her hands into your sides gently, positioning you correctly so you don’t hurt yourself 

miss girl is an AMAZING cook 

i just know she cooks the best meals - i mean she’s friends w xiangling after all 

whenever she comes home from a voyage she’ll always insist on making something for you even if she’s abt to pass out 

pls tuck her into bed and promise her that she can make you something in the morning <3 the poor woman needs rest 

brings you back trinkets but they’re actually very practical 

she knows you won’t have much use for a simple charm (not that there’s anything wrong w that) but she believes you’ll like something practical more so she might get you a new engraved knife from the most recent place she’s been to 

definitely the type to surprise you when she docks 

i can imagine her anchoring her ship out a little ways from liyue harbor and rowing to the dock in order to make sure you aren’t alerted of her presence (i’m sorry the mental picture this made in my mind is SENDING ME INTO ORBIT but she means well i love you)

will take you to remote spots she’s found in her travels through liyue 

for example - the little heart shaped island and the island quest (?) that you had to use kaeya the bridge maker for in order to get to im sorry i’ll stop w the kaeya slander

she’ll get you seashell bracelets or necklaces idk why but she gives me those vIBES 

they’re super nice ones too, only the highest quality for you 

yes she’s a bruh girl but i also see her as someone who would enjoy intimate moments like watching the sunset or something 

“yo wanna catch the sunset, i heard it looks sick from the jade chamber” said before ahem it yk fell from the sky

kasdjksfashfjsahf yes ofc i would love to catch the sunset w you pls come home luv

anyways, she is a woman i would give the world for 

zhongli

ok gimme a sec i need to get my gentleman mode on 

this man,,, THIS MAN 

everything w him is so soft like your entire eXISTENCE w him could go in a museum it’s that beautiful 

in the morning when he visits you, he always brings you a cup of your favorite tea and a bouquet of glaze lilies he got from madame ping

holds the door for you, pushes the chair out for you, uses a napkin and brushes sauce off your lips when you’re eating - you name something sweet, he’s done it

secretly loves it when you fuss over him 

he doesn’t like to fight but say he encountered a group of hillichurls he couldn’t avoid and promptly defeated them but ended up tearing a part of his tux(?) (is it a tux? i could not tell you)

not that big of a deal, i mean it’s a scratch, he’s a 6,000 year old god, he’s dealt w much worse 

but seeing the worried crease in your brows as you usher him to sit at the table while quickly grabbing antiseptic to clean his wound

“it’s just a scratch, my dear. do not worry i’ve dealt with much worse.”

you quietly protest abt how “yes zhongli, i understand you’re an archon and have gotten worse injuries but i’m worried about infection just please let me take care of you ok? <3″ 

when you say that he feels weird emotions,,, wdym take care of him? 

he’s always taken care of himself or been expected to take care of others as the former ruling deity of liyue so having someone else genuinely worry abt his wellbeing creates a warm feeling in his chest 

he strikes me as the type to knit you something??? idk maybe it’s the grandpa vibes but i headcanon that he would knit you a scarf for the colder weather, it’s cute 

in the privacy of your home, he really likes picking you up

he loves it when you wrap your legs around his middle while he gets up to go do the dishes or smthg 

domesticity go brrrr

if you’re into making flower crowns, he would totally have you on his lap and wordlessly hand you a glaze lily whenever you expectantly hold your hand out while weaving the flowers together 

he expects you to make the crown for yourself but when you place the crown on his head and it fits perfectly while simultaneously tucking a glaze lily behind your ear, he looks at you dumbstruck 

his mouth parts open in awe and it’s quite literally the cutest thing

you’ve broken him 

thinks it’s the sweetest thing - will keep it on his head for the whole day 

he’ll even put it in water before he sleeps so it won’t wilt and he can wear it the next day <3 

scenic picnics!! scenic picnics!! 

the type to take you to the nicest spots in liyue to chat abt the history of the land w you over a cup of tea and your favorite food (whatever you like, he doesn’t mind)

recounts the people he’s met in his long life before finishing off by saying you’re by far the best person he’s met 

zhongli strangles lovingly come home soon 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3 

[catboirights]

A Quick Think Piece on Licht

I've been thinking a lot about Licht and what an effective foil he is to a lot of the other Servamp characters and just wanted to jot my thoughts down on him so this might be kinda all over the place. Anyways.

The thing that's been on my mind most abt him is his family. He's a very rare case in Servamp where not only does he have both his parents but he also has a good relationship with them. Compared to a lot of other characters, the eves especially, this is really a rare situation as with others like Mahiru, who lost his mother, of with the Alicein boys who have their own can of worms in terms of family issues, it really makes him stand out and I think is probably the reason he acts the way he does. It's no secret that Licht's view of the world is pretty naive and childish, what with his good vs evil angels vs devil's mindset, and his complete belief in things such as fairies, and this was probably due to the fact he was sorta sheltered from harsher parts of life like is parents. Unlike someone like Mahiru who was forced into maturity and raising himself, Licht was pampered by his mother and father who often encouraged his creativity and kind of mystical outlook on life. In one of the 4-komas it's even shown that his whole angel obsession was kickstarted by his mother giving him an angel backpack and how she used to call him her little messenger of heaven because she delivered her smiles. That's not to say they had never pushed him outside of his comfort zone, it's well known that he was terrified to perform his first large scale piano recital, but he was never forced to do anything that might legitimately hurt him, whether mentally of physically, and this family seems to be possibly the most healthy and functional in the series. The only other eve I can think of who possibly has an equally as healthy home life would be Izuna but then again we don't really know enough about her family for me to be certain of that. Another one could be Tetsu but what with how many family members we know he has now (Kei, Yumi, Miyako, etc.) I'm pretty sure there's gotta be some weird tension in there somewhere, and we haven't seen much of what Tetsu's father is like either. (on a quick side note I think it's really cute how he inherited his mother's love of fairytale and flowery language and how he inherited his father's stoic face, little details like that are my favourite.)

Another thing which makes Licht an amazing foil to pretty much every other character in Servamp is that I'm pretty sure he's one of the only characters who's never had any strong self doubt or lost faith in themselves. In so many other characters arcs there's been moments where they doubt if they can protect the people they love (Mahiru and Tsurugi being great examples of that) or losing their sense of self and sight in what's important to them (Lawless, Touma, and Lily are notable here too), while in contrast Licht seems to have an unwavering sense of confidence in what he does, never doubting his own ability. Even going back to what I said before about his nervousness with his first recital, it never looked like he actually doubted his ability to play the piano, he was more nervous that his parents were in the audience and how they would react to seeing him on stage. My favourite example of his almost stupid amount of confidence in his abilities is how in ch 116 he straight up just jumps out of a window on a skyscraper without batting an eyelash because in his words “I can fly because I'm an angel.”. Insanity. And this unwavering sense of self has more purpose than just his own motives and self but the way it was used in regards of Lawless's redemption arc was so well done

Licht's complete lack of self doubt is what managed to get Lawless to put himself into perspective, to finally realize something he needed to after his centuries of grieving. Licht refusing to budge from his “I am unique and I will be remembered stance” when repeatedly being badgered by Lawless's “You won't be remembered, there are other pianists out there.” way of thinking after Ophelia's death allows him to finally realize that, yes, people will remember, Ophelia was never forgotten because he had spent his centuries doing nothing but remembering her. And the catalyst of this all being that even on the brink of death, Licht refusing to give into his own death and actively trying to beat the hell out of Lawless instead. Licht having such a strong sense of self and pointing out that, even in his own life, Lawless is nothing but a background character. Him saying that Lawless has no right to say he's himself when he has no ambition and forcing himself to come to terms with the fact he doesn't know who he even is himself.

The scene of Licht playing Für Elise and Lawless asking him not to play a sad song, only for Licht to tell him that the song itself isn't sad will always be one of my favourite moments in Servamp. The emotional build up to it and exploration of what both Licht and Lawless's characters are is so well executed and I could go write a whole meta about this scene itself, and an exploration of the Greed Pair's Jekyll and Hyde and the Phantom of the Opera motifs mean but I feel like this has been long enough so I guess I'll save it for another time.

Anyways uhm is you've read this long thanks I guess I didn't expect anyone to go along with my ramblings here's a pic of baby Licht as thanks lol

[celamoon]

i really liked your gomez + morticia headcanons,can i request a fic on how saiki somehow ending up in the future and him seeing this family? feel free to ignore and have a nice day!

IDBKSJF TYSM LOVELY I WAS RLLY INSECURE ABT POSTING HEADCANONS 😭💕

The future? 👀 I am looking. I hope you have a lovely day too bby! ❤️

Warnings: kids. (IM KIDDING I HAD TO), fluff

Pronouns: They/Them (word mama is used though)

Summary: Saiki really wants to go home and solve the whole butterfly effect thing but he supposes staying a bit longer in this timeline wouldn't hurt.

Saiki has three things on his mind. To go home, fix this god awful timeline, and to stop skipping out on his parents’ love story. He was in the middle of nowhere, well, it was the park but it looked different. Everything was normal, except the only issue seemed to be that his parents had looked… somewhat different.

That was irrelevant though, he was just trying to get back to him timeline and not create the butterfly effect all over again. He was about to go visit Kuusuke, before a child had clung itself onto his leg.

“Papa, papa!” A child. Specifically a pink haired child with different coloured eyes. He had kids???

“Hiro-chan! Don’t go bothering other people!” A person comes running up with another child in their arms. “I’m so sorry about them-“

Said person stares up at Kusuo and does a double take. “Come on Hiro-chan, don’t go bothering another man now,”

“But he looks just like papa!” The child lets go of his leg and the figure smiles.

“I know, but papa’s not that young baby, you know that,” They smile. “Sorry about that. I’m Y/n, you seem to look just like my husband Kusuo,”

“Just like papa!” The smaller one in their arm grins.

“Baby!” You hiss as the child in your arm laughs.

Saiki nods. He… had met you before. He actually considered pining after you, and he was surprised to find that he had children with you. He liked you, a lot more than he expected, but he had been holding back from asking you out. He wasn’t able to read your mind, and he wasn’t able to make sure that you actually liked him back.

“Mama! What if this is papa? Like a younger papa!” Saiki had noticed the older one had his little power limiters in his hair.

You two’s eldest looked like Kusuo, the hair and everything, except for the eyes. The second one looked more like you, but his eyes were Kusuo’s charming shade of purple. You looked just the same, it was almost suspicious you looked so young as a parent.

“Mm, well either way, once papa experiences this timeline, he won’t be able to promise that this outcome would happen right?” You smiled. “Though he did mention about some butterfly effect in the past…”

‘Uh, can I know how this husband of yours asked you out?’ Saiki’s curious, and though he has more important things to do, he doesn’t really care right now.

“Huh? Oh sure! He asked me out in high school I think. He asked me out in third year after finally prying into my mind or something. I didn’t tell him but I had a crush on him ever since first year,” You hold your index finger to your mouth. “That’s a secret though”

‘Alright… do you know where I can get to the scientist Kuusuke?’ Saiki is trying his best to solve the issue and go but he really wants to spend more time with you. Not that he’d tell you.

“Huh? Oh Kuusuke’s probably somewhere in his cavern. It’s over by the mountains, would you like me to take you?” You’re loyal to your husband, you swear, but the person in front of you is 100% your husband in high school, you’re positive of it.

‘Sure,’

“Ooh, are we visiting Kuusuke-oji-san?” Your older one gasps.

“Yes baby, we are,” You grab his hand and your little one giggles.

“Kuu-ji, Kuu-ji!”

The four of you wander through the streets, then to the woods, and finally into a small cave.

“Oi Kuusuke!” You call, and the supposed end of the cave disappears. Saiki looks in confusion for a good three seconds before following you in.

“My favourite sister in law!”

“Your only, sister in law,” You smirk, and the two kids rush over to hug him. “This young man was looking for you,”

“Ah,” Kuusuke blinks twice before grinning. “YOUNG KUSUO!”

‘Good grief’ Saiki rolls his eyes and you smile.

“Alright I’ll leave you two to it,” You smile. “Also, Kusuo don’t forget to ask me out in your timeline. These kids aren’t gonna exist on their own,”

Saiki scoffs and you catch him smiling a bit. You grab your two kids and head out.

“So…”

‘Don’t mention it. Just get me back to my timeline,’ Kusuo glares. Kuusuke cackles and points to the machine in the center of the room.

“Don’t die,” Kuusuke smiles. “You still have kids to go home to,”

‘Yeah yeah,’

Saiki goes home with one thing on his mind, he’s gonna confess to you, and he’s going to make sure this timeline becomes his.

[dr3amofagame]

Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?

aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*

phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao) 

tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault

When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.

“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.

At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.

“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”

“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”

“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”

“Mate-”

Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.

“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“

“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”

‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.

“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.

“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”

“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”

Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“

“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”

“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”

Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”

Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.

“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.

The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.

“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.

“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.

“That seems like an understatement.”

“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.

“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”

Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.

“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”

The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.

Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.

“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”

“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“

“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”

Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.

“Hey.”

Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.

“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”

Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.

“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”

Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.

Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.

“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”

Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.

“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.