#i am to be clear a freelancer who does not set an alarm. like.

[impassiveesper]

What was your first impression of the roleplay community on Tumblr? And what’s your impression of it now?

Mun’s Asks: RP Edition

1.) What was your first impression of the roleplay community on Tumblr? And what’s your impression of it now?

[OOF STRAP IN INTREPID]

I’ve been on this hellsite since the beginning but I really only started RPing here after a few years.  Probably in 2012 or 2013? I can’t remember exactly when but I remember being very intimidated by the idea of RP on this platform in particular. There is a bit of a steep learning curve in terms of etiquette here that is even steeper when you factor in the near requirement for tumblr-literacy.  Like you basically need xkit to RP and you need to understand what kinds of asks get eaten and when/how cuts work and what behaviors do and don’t cause notifications and how ask posts work and how the block/blacklist features do and dont work and what tags tumblr will and wont index etc etc.  When you’re a tumblr old head it’s easy to forget newcomers don’t immediately know things like that. It’s part of the reason why I tend to be very basic in my approach compared to what is popular at the moment. I was one of those fabled newcomers at one point.

I don’t really think that tumblr RPC is any better or worse now than it was back then, just different. A lot of what’s popular now was a thing back then, but now it’s more commonplace in a much smaller population of RPers. I wouldn’t say that the RPC has many new problems as much as I would say the old problems have intensified.

When I started out I was in a fandom that was very cliquey and made me feel like shit a lot and those spaces probably still exist on tumblr but the difference is I know what my boundaries are and what behaviors I will and wont tolerate on my dash.  Overall the RPC is much better at talking about things like that than it used to be imo. That same fandom I just shit on was also a lot of fun and taught me that it was okay to not take RP too seriously and not be too worried about if it looks pretty enough or was fancy enough. I’m really grateful for people who would RP with me back then even though I unknowingly broke a lot of tumblr RPC’s unwritten rules.  

That’s why it’s very important to me as a seasoned RPer to be as approachable a blog as I can possibly be. In this the lords year of 2020 I still feel myself being set in my ways and avoiding trends that are ultimately harmless, but there is an extent to which I have to participate in order to be courteous to others so I do my best to be open minded about Neo RPC Trends. I end up being of two minds just about everything that’s popular right now. 

Take for example reblog karma / I AM NOT A MEME SOURCE type rules. I think that’s shits dumb, you guys can reblog anything you want from me, in fact reblogging it from me heightens the chances of me sending you one whether you sent me one or not. I’m not gonna get mad at you for using the website as it is intended by the devs to be used, but also if somebody else’s rules say it bugs them to have memes rbed from them, then I think their feelings are more important than my opinion on the matter. People are more important to me than policies in cases like these, so of course I’ll reblog the meme from the source instead of you or w/e.  

But at the same time, that idea about feelings also includes the feelings of people who are new to RP and maybe don’t even know the etiquette well enough to know they’re messing up.  There’s a lot to get mad about in the current state of tumblr RP but even when I agree that I want this particular tedium done, I don’t really agree with the idea that I should make it a rule that forces other people to stay away from me. Yes I dont want to be ponging an ask post back and forth. Yes I want our posts cut.  But also, I wont get mad if you rb an ask instead of putting it in a new post. I’ll just put in a new post myself. I wont get mad if you dont cut a post, I’ll just cut it myself. It’s not hard to do.

Take also graphics, banners, and all manner of fancy formatting. RPC has really really leaned into that a lot more than back in 2013. On the one hand, I think that’s great. People are so creative. Their stuff looks so pretty, and I really like the work people put in. I don’t think it’s a bad thing necessarily, but on the other hand it does heighten that already steep barrier for entry imo, especially in circles that require it and judge based upon it. For me it’s more important to avoid looking like that’s an expectation of mine. Like, I can do that stuff. I do sometimes, actually. I make icons in batches of hundreds, I take commissions for RP graphics, don’t tell anybody. I’m a freelance illustrator and I know my way around the adobe creative suite-- I CAN make these things and I do for other people, but I can’t be called to do it for myself in most cases. When I see a blog with very nice graphics I immediately assume they don’t care to interact with me. In fact I still tend to unfairly think this even when they’ve shown me otherwise. If we don’t have a long term rapport and you’re a blog with nice graphics and I reply to your posts, what you’re seeing is a neurotic prey animal that is afraid of you signaling alarm.  For whatever reason I tend to interpret very fancy looking blogs as confident and happy in their own existing bubbles with no particular interest in newcomers. I know that’s not always a fair assumption to make--it’s a problem with me that I need to work on--but also I know other people deal with similar feelings. That’s why I don’t feel particularly called to make much beyond the most basic of graphics most of the time and I’m highly avoidant of anybody who seems like graphics are a requirement for interactions with them. Not everybody has photoshop. Not everybody is skilled at that sort of thing. I don’t want people to think that I will judge their style based on what my own style looks like, so I don’t invest much in it. Again, there’s nothing wrong with graphics, but it’s more important to me than anything else that I am approachable and I make other people on the dash as comfortable as I can. I’m glad that it seems like a requirement for cohesive graphics has waned over the last few years.

But, yea. I’d say this duality--the “this is cool but also I have reasons I feel I shouldn’t participate”--is how I feel about pretty much everything that’s big right now.  And like don’t even get me started on the anxiety RPC has around things like soft blocking and mutuals and multiples and “quality”. These things in particular aren’t that new, but a lot of Neo RPC etiquette and trends surrounding those types of anxieties represent a whole quagmire that I try to avoid as much as I can, often to a fault, and lately I’ve realized that in my blanket avoidance I am actually missing out on some things I really should consider doing. My icons could do with some light color retouching. I do want to get my tags together eventually. Permanent starter calls, interests checkers, banners to make asks more easily rebloggable-- these things are functional and can be fun and make RP easier and help people feel emboldened to approach. Like, there are a lot of newish things that are actually cool and I should maybe consider trying them out, but being an oldster has really made me slow to adapt.

So yeah, idk if that was clear at all lol. Take these many, many unnecessary words to say that again, I don’t necessarily think that the current RPC is better or worse in an objective sense, but I do think a lot of the anxieties and trends that were starting in the old RPC have really caught fire now in a way that makes them hard to abstain from even if you want to. Since the RPC is so much smaller now than it was in 2013, you really do have to play ball on these things more than you used to have to in order to find partners. There is a lot of etiquette and anxiety that goes unspoken in the RPC and so I often avoid fairly harmless RPC trends as a means of mitigating that anxiety and clarifying the unspoken as much as I can. Tumblr already has a barrier for entry by being a broken website that hates its rp users, I don’t need to pile on any extra factors to make that barrier to entry look any taller.

[superpooped]

Dealing with Quarantine (from an actual expert)

Hello!

Today’s post is for people who are having their first taste of isolation or quarantine and are feeling a bit overwhelmed.

There’s a lot of these going around, and although they can be useful (I have no idea about specific Corona-based medical practise or finance) they seem to be written by people who are generally out and about in the world.

No offence, but what you really need is a Professional. You need… A HOUSEBOUND PERSON!

And that’s where I come in.

For those of you that are new here, I have a condition where, amongst other things, my body doesn’t create energy like it should. My mitochondria are all messed up, so, as you can imagine, that has an impact on… everything.

I am too exhausted to leave the house, or sometimes my bed. So I’ve been cared for by my lovely family for seven and a half years, and have been housebound for the last five and a half.

By now, I’m an old hand at this, so I’ll be able to help you out with some of the lesser known issues that people without that half a decade of experience just can’t tell you.

Some of this may seem strange or contradictory in places, but I don’t make the rules. This is how it is.

Choice makes a difference

You’re probably learning (or about to learn) that the one thing that makes a difference as to whether doing something or not is fun is Choice.

The number of times I’ve had someone say to me “it must be so nice to be at home all the time” is ridiculous.

The person saying it is thinking of the fun type of staying at home, where you decide to have a duvet day and watch movies and eat toast in your pants.

But now people are being faced with the less fun kind. The kind where you can’t leave.

Staying at home because you want to… fun. Staying at home because of Doom Plague Potential… not fun. (Also, bagsy “Doom Plague Potential” as a band name.)

It’s tough being uncertain when you’re going to see people, do things or get on with your life, but…

If you think about it, you are making a choice. You’re making the choice to put your health first. That’s sensible.

And if you’re careful with others who are more at risk then you’re making the choice to be kind. That’s even better.

You can do it

I’m not even meaning this in an inspirational quote sense, you can actually do this. It may be tricky, but if I can last half a decade in my house, you can last a couple of weeks, or even a couple of months.

If you’re actually sick then make sure you have people who can check up on you via the internet or phone if not in person. Seek medical attention where necessary.

Otherwise…

The Internet exists - embrace it

All that “put down your phone and live in the REAL WORLD” stuff is about to become a load of cobblers.

You will feel lonely, the Internet is a great tool to prevent that, so embrace it.

Group chats, social media, and video chats make a MASSIVE difference in the lives of people stuck at home, so utilise that.

Even when you’re watching tv, have a group chat of mates watching the same thing and talk about it as if you’re all there together. Because you are... kind of.

You can also contact plenty of mental healthcare professionals over the internet (or phone) if you feel that’s something you need. Don’t be afraid to reach out. There are people available.

The Internet isn’t real

At the same time as the internet being an amazing tool and opportunity for social interaction, it’s important to remember that it’s not a complete experience of the world.

It seems obvious when you’re able to leave the house, but it will quickly become clear that things start to feel a bit more skewed without the regular interaction of polite (or not so polite) strangers in everyday life.

Things will seem more polarised and polarising, and specific, potentially small things may seem extremely important. That’s normal, just... bear it in mind and take a deep breath before reacting to things.

TV, Radio, Things to do!

If you, unlike me, are at home as a precautionary measure instead of long term health condition you can probably do things. Hooray!

Right now that is less than you're used to, and BELIEVE ME I know that feel, bro, but you can still do things and that’s wonderful.

Imagining a lengthy period where you’re stuck at home sounds awful, but imagine it without TV, books or the internet. Or crafts. Or DIY. Or the ability to clean your clothes or yourself.

I’m trying really hard not to play the “be grateful” card here, because people have said it to me despite me struggling (or being completely unable) to do any of those things and it made me want to bite them. But also... you can likely do those things. So maybe this is the point where all those trite inspiration memes come in handy and you can embrace the things you can do.

Unless you are sick, in which case, for the love of all that is holy, do not do the things.

Stay in bed. Drink fluids. Have people check in on you as safely as possible. Resist the urge to get up and make your body fight harder than it is, because that will not help you.

Trust me, despite all those “you can do anything if you BELIEVE” quotes, it’s not strong or clever to push your body when it’s struggling. You will just use up energy your body could be using to heal you. Take it from the sick person.

Stay in bed till you feel better, and then a bit longer, just to make sure.

And resist the urge to go out in public and rub your germy self onto various surfaces.

You will come to love your Postie/Courier.

Oh, those kind humans who strive through wind and gale to bring us parcels and food, and most importantly, contact with the outside world.

A face! A new face! Possibly some small talk. You never knew that was a thing you could miss before this moment.

Will you potentially feel the need to disinfect everything you get in the post? Possibly. Will you be ever so glad to see someone who doesn’t live in your house or flat? Most definitely.

They must be protected for they are the keepers of the parcels.

Time will lose all meaning.

The only thing I can reliably liken it to is that weird week between Christmas and New Year where you don’t know what day, time or year it is. Or why you’re covered in biscuit crumbs.

If you don’t celebrate these events and have have no prior experience in this weird time warp... I’m sorry. Things are about to get real.

I genuinely forget my own age at this point.

Keep to a regular schedule.

You’re going to re-enter the world at some point but that’s going to be difficult if your schedule is all messed up.

Keeping to a normal(ish) schedule will also mean you’re more likely to sleep better, which will be handy if you do actually get sick.

If you’re going to be working from home then you’re probably going to have to use alarms to get you to do anything because otherwise you will look up and it’s three in the afternoon, you’ve done nothing and you’re still in your jim-jams.

(To be fair, if you want to work in your jim-jams that’s a totally valid choice.)

Try to stick to specific working hours if you can. It’s much easier to switch off your mind from work worries when you’ve got commute time in the middle, so having set hours or a signal to yourself (like changing clothes) that the work day is over will help you wind down a bit easier. I remember that much from my healthy freelance days.

Exercise?

I imagine that if you’re housebound without being sick you’re probably going to have a ton of pent up energy.

I’ll admit I’m completely guessing here, because energy is quite literally what my body is rubbish at producing so exercising makes me worse, which is why I’m stuck in my house unable to do anything in the first place.

Looking back at those heady years before I got sick, however, I would get pretty restless being stuck inside during that weird post-Christmas week, so it’s probably good to try and exercise some of that off.

Stretches, yoga, kick a football about in the garden. Whatever floats your boat.

You’ll probably sleep better and it’s good for releasing endorphins too.

Again, if you’re sick, don’t do this. Just don’t. Coronavirus targets your respiratory system so nobody wants you to be doing star jumps like a muppet. Go lie down.

Touch withdrawal

If you live on your own, or even if people inside your house are avoiding contact to prevent potential contamination you may experience mild touch withdrawal. I don’t know if that’s an official term, but that’s what I’m calling it.

You can counter this with:

Blankets, duvets, or weighted blankets

There’s a reason people are given shock blankets after trauma, and that’s to simulate a hug and release the associated endorphins. Having a blanket, duvet or weighted blanket around you will do that same thing.

Pets

Having access to a furry (or scaly or feathered) friend will help with loneliness and touch withdrawal. A lot of them will be loving the chance to spend more time with you.

ASMR

I’ve had people tell me that ASMR videos help them with loneliness and touch withdrawal.

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response and is basically a tingly feeling of calm and being cared for that a person can experience when watching or listening to certain triggers.

YouTube is full of people tapping on bottles and turning books pages, and it can be really useful.

I was a bit dubious to begin with, but honestly the ones where the person pretends to cut your hair make me into a giant pile of goop.

Not the same as long term isolation

This is going to pass. You will be able to leave the house again, and it will be relatively soon.

When it does, please be respectful of those who are still here.

Yes, a two week quarantine might give you a tiny glimpse into what it’s like to be housebound, but it won’t make you an expert in long term isolation due to illness or disability. That’s a whole other ball game.

Please do not equate the two, because it honestly feels a randomer in a bar who has spent two minutes thinking on a topic telling you about something you have a doctorate in.

Coronavirus is scary, and quarantine or self-isolation is not something you’re used to but it is temporary.

Finally

If disabled or sick people are getting salty on the internet it’s because they have reason to be.

A lot of us have been stuck like this for years or even decades, and many of the options that would make things much more accessible for us have only magically become possible now there’s a threat to the general, abled population.

It doesn’t help that lots of people are trotting out the old “it’s only the old and sick who are in danger”. Thanks for that, mate. So glad that it’s only us sickies (and oldies) who might die and not the important, useful people that are in danger.

Many of us do not have that light at the end of the tunnel when we can leave the house and just get on with our lives. I have no idea when or if I will be able to rejoin society fully, or even partly. And I just have to get on with it.

So take this opportunity to be a little more mindful of those people.

I do hope this helps people who are nervous about being isolated. Keep calm. It will be alright.

Originally posted on superpooped.blogspot.com

[vampirefreakism]

The Scientist (Chapter 26)

Summary: In the events following Asgard’s destruction, Loki finds himself on Earth seeking refuge to await the inevitable. Much to his surprise, it comes from a source he would never have expected.

AO3 Link

The Soundtrack So Far

Warnings: some fluff, some tension, idk ice? cold stuff?

Word count: 3.9k

A/N: Tell me something: why do I have to make these chapters so long? Why can't I be a more normal writer and release chapters that are, at most, 2k words in length? At this rate, I'll be 250k+ words before I'm done and omfg that's an "at least" prediction. Anywho, I'm seeing Captain Marvel tomorrow, and I am so excited. My soul might leave my body and transcend into the next dimension all from my love for women. Hell to the yeah, folks.

Masterlist

----------

The voice of the newscaster resounded about the shared apartment, holding the attention of one Norse god. His human companion sat near him, on the floor, still in the process of fixing his damaged armored suit. The rips and tears littering it were all stitched up using various techniques, and the scuffs and stains all distant memories. The boots and shoulder pieces, however, were a challenge. They were not ripped but scraped and frayed. Such damage to hard material could not be sewn back together or scrubbed clean with soap, water, and alcohol.

Luna grabbed a few extra items from her room – quick-dry epoxy, a scrap piece of cardboard, and a flat stick – she believed would work in laying down and repairing the tattered areas. Loki kept a watchful eye on her, as he always did when she handled his close personal belongings. She didn’t mind. It was the one time she meddled in the things she hadn’t bought him, so as per common decency, she handled them in front of him.

“You think that’ll work?” Loki chimed, his green gaze set on the woman seated on the floor.

She lifted her eyes to meet his. “In fixing it? I sure hope so.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“I just keep trying different things until I feel like giving up.” Luna returned her attention to the shoulder piece.

She smoothed the clear epoxy mix firmly and carefully till it was too tacky to continue. Slowly, she switched to the other side. The layers made it tricky, but she had all evening if she didn’t want to leave the house. Loki was satisfied for the moment, the fridge was stocked with enough leftovers to last them the weekend, and, in case they were plagued by unwanted sleepless nights or the occasional dark emotion, the freezer had plenty of ice cream pints.

Loki stuck to his program. The subject matter interested him in a way Luna could not fathom. To each his own, she reminded herself. If he didn’t attempt to create unrest under her roof, he could do as he liked. She liked the peace in her home too much to let someone else disturb it. It seemed he liked it as well and took steps on his own to ensure it.

Satisfied with the job she had done, Luna slowly got up, suit top in hand, and walked it to the empty chairs by the counter. She set it down on one, resting the undried epoxy patches away from any surface. She dusted her hands. Another job well-done, if she said so herself.

Upon returning from putting her supplies back where they came from, Loki called her attention.

“Tell me, who is that?” He pointed to the television playing a local news station, in particular at the figure the story was about.

“Him?” Luna confirmed. “That’s our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.”

“Oh, I know that but who is he exactly? Beneath the mask?” Loki was a tad perturbed.

Luna shrugged and lied. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t think anyone does.”

“They trust a hero they cannot see? Odd concept.” The master of lies believed her. Another victory of the day.

“I'm sure people are skeptical, but he's never done anything malicious, and he helps out the little guy. You know, the underappreciated.” A little slice of truth for him.

“Huh. I suppose he is appealing.” Loki crossed his arms and observed the individual clad in red and blue. “Is he an Avenger?”

Luna chuckled, shaking her head. “Oh, no. No, he is not. Good thing, too.”

“How come? He seems capable enough.” Luna paused.

“Because, uh, he, uh, that’s his job. You know, he’s more of a freelance vigilante than one tied to an organization like the Avengers.” She could see the look on Loki’s face. He didn’t believe her for a second. “You know, I don’t really know. You know I mainly keep to myself, so any newbies go right under my nose.” She waved a hand in the air.

“Mm-hm.” Loki eyed her, not sounding convinced, but he didn’t need to be yet. Luna feigned ignorance well enough.

The pair watched the rest of the program with Luna now perched atop the couch arm. She was at a loss for what to fill the rest of her afternoon and evening with. The oncoming snow storm looked to be getting worse each day it didn't show. There was residual fear of being snowed in, or at least cautioned to not venture outside. Shopping needed to be done, and additional activities had to be seen to, for either of the apartment occupants could easily succumb to cabin fever. Loki was a patient fellow and didn’t show his restlessness easily, but he hated being cooped up as much as Luna did.

An idea popped into her head, making Luna snap her fingers. “Hey, after we do some shopping, how about we do something?”

“What kind of something?”

“A fun something, at least before it snows. Like, uh,” she tapped her lower lip, “ooh! Like ice skating! If we go now, we can make it before there are too many people.”

“Ice skating?” Loki was perplexed. “Where would we be going?”

"Rockefeller Center," Luna said as she scurried to her room. “It's stunning this time of year." She called out. She shuffled back into the living room, phone in hand. “Ok, I can reserve some tickets online. So, yes or no?”

“This place is not in Manhattan…is it?” Loki asked tentatively.

Luna paused. “Yeah, but you’ll be fine. It’ll be fine,” she said quickly, waving a hand around. “Come on, let’s get ready. We need to at least get you a coat before we’re snowed in for a week.”

--------------------

“You know, I don’t even really need the coat. My jacket is enough,” Loki said, grabbing cradling his rental skates. The new garment reminded him a bit too much of his Stuttgart outfit, and it was wholly disconcerting.

Luna picked up her pair after him. “I am aware, Mr. The-Cold-Never-Bothered-Me-Anyway, but it is about 30 degrees out and getting colder, and since we’re going to be around a lot of people, you not wearing a coat would be cause for alarm.” She hastened over to a free bench and sat down. Loki followed suit and took his place by her side.

He watched as she pulled her boots off, stretched a foot out, and force it into the bladed skating boot. She repeated the action with her other foot and laced them up with practiced precision. Loki looked at his own and copied her to the best of his ability. The crisscross of the laces he was able to get, but their desired tightness proved more difficult.

Luna had tested her laces a few times – loosening them, retying them, standing up, and repeated the procedure – before Loki first finishing his. Luna stood upright and firm as though she were on the flats of her feet, not balanced on the edges of twin blades. She shifted her weight from left to right and felt satisfied. Loki mimicked her, but he did not feel the same.

With a stumble, he sat down and roughly undid his laces. Luna, noticing his agitated state, sat back in her spot.

“Aren’t you supposed to be an expert with the blade?” She joked, hoping to dissipate some of Loki’s frustration.

“Yes, in wielding them. Not wearing them.” He quipped back with an evident edge in his voice.

Luna knocked the edge of her boot against his. “You can wield these too. They can cause some serious damage if they’re sharp enough. I’ve pricked myself on my own skates more times than I can count when I was younger.”

Loki fiddled with the stray lace. “You did this a lot?”

“Oh, yes. I used to be quite the figure skater.” Luna smiled, recalling the memories from her youth.

“Figure skater?” Loki pondered, knitting his brows. None of his investigative endeavors have yet provided an inkling of this kind of information. He was curious.

“It’s like ballet, but on the ice.” Luna glanced down at Loki’s still-undone boots. “Here, let me do that for you.” She twisted around to straddle the bench they sat on and spun her hand around, gesturing for Loki to do the same. He did as she asked and faced her full-on.

Wishing to get on with the task, Luna gave Loki’s left leg two firm pats for him to lift it. She had to scoot back once he stretched it out. It was easy to forget how long he was. She maneuvered his foot into a proper resting position and got to work, loosening and retightening his shoe.

Loki felt the tap-tap of her fingers through the thick material, but her light touch barely preoccupied his thoughts. It was clear he did not know everything about her and his snooping could only take him so far. He wondered how much her Avengers knew. If they knew more than him. He felt jealousy grow at the prospect of missing out. However inconsequential it may be, Loki loved being the first in the know about everything.

Tentatively, he continued the conversation. “You miss it?”

Luna looked up from her task. “Hmm?” With his head, Loki gestured to the skate in her hand. “Oh. Uh, yeah.” She nodded, a little despondent. “I almost completed my training when I had to stop.”

“What made you? Stop, I mean.”

“School.” She jerked his foot a bit as she fastened the laces around the metal loops. “I had to choose between spending my time practicing triple axels and working on homework and, well,” she chuckled, “my three science degrees should be enough to tell you what my decision was.” A few more tugs and a knotted bow finished the job. “Alright, circle your foot around. You want it to feel firm on the joint, but not painfully so.” Slowly, Loki lifted his foot and rotated it clockwise, switching directions once he felt satisfied. “How is it?” Luna asked.

“It’s good,” Loki muttered.

“Good,” Luna echoed, smiling lazily and placing a hand on his opposite knee. “Now for the next one.”

--------------------

Loki, gripping the edge of the rink wall, stood as static as his body would allow. “So how on earth do you move with these?” He was capable on the ice, but the kind he has experienced in the past was always blanketed with a thin layer of snow. The surface beneath him now beheld no such traction.

Before him, Luna kept a watchful eye on his posture. “You just, you know, stand. Like this.” She presented her feet, the blades positioned in a small V. “And push with the edge.” Her foot facing away propelled her forward to Loki’s side.

“I've been doing that, and it's not working.”

“That’s because you’re treating it like you’re walking.”

“Oh, you make it sound so easy.” Loki sneered a little.

Luna let out a low groan and moved backward to stand face-to-face with him. "Pretend you’re dancing. Feel the ice beneath you and use it. Follow it as you would a partner. And, if you want,” she held her gloved hands out, “I can help lead you.”

Loki kept watch of her open hands as he slowly extended one of his towards them. Settling a firm grasp on the one he held, he let the other follow. “Don’t worry, I got you,” Luna sent him a sweet smile, careful not to lose her grip on him. Loki presented himself as calm. He had captured the attention of the right person and, though he loved attention, was intent on not drawing more.

“Now, stand up a little straighter and push gently.” Loki did as he was told and pushed with the blade at an angle. Luna glided backward, guiding him steadily over the shallow divots in the ice. “And again. And again. See?” With a pivot of her foot, she swiveled to stand beside Loki, still holding onto the hand furthest from the wall. “Not so hard.”

Loki looked down at her, smirking a little, and nudged her. “Well, I have an excellent teacher.”

Luna giggled and bumped him back. “Hey, don’t jinx it just yet. The last time these skates were sharpened was probably during the time of Lewis and Clark, and this ice is already pretty cut, so it’s very easy to trip on.” A glance down confirmed her feet to be at a safe distance from Loki’s. “Fresh, smooth ice is like heaven to be on, but you probably know that already.”

Loki hummed in response. He had an idea of how it would be. Being on the ice at this moment was pleasant. In tandem, they skated in silence, staying close to the wall for safety but far enough away to let other struggling patrons cling to it.

The cold crept up on Loki, quickly and quietly. It didn’t hurt him like it would a human, but he knew it was there. The air alone took less from him than if he came into contact with the ice itself. One touch from his bare hand may expose him. He wasn’t willing to take the risk. Not in a crowded area filled with people whose lives he had directly affected. He was lucky to be holding the hand of someone with a giving and forgiving heart. The couples and families around him would not grant him as much grace, no matter what pretty lies he may spin.

His eyes strayed from the people in front of him to the decorations above and around him. The settling darkness in the sky enhanced the brightness of the colored lights. The ice reflected them, making it seem like he was floating above a white sea of rainbow stars. The Christmas tree stood high above them, a beacon of glad tidings during a happy season. A sweetness settled within Loki’s heart, but it did not come without a thin lining of bitterness.

“Answer me something,” he asked Luna.

“Okay,” she replied, keeping her voice hushed.

Loki paused, feeling the words circle about, and spoke. “Was this place destroyed?”

“When?” Luna knew what he was referring to, but she had to make sure.

“During…,” Loki looked down, “my first visit.”

“Probably,” she stated, “but look how nice it is right now.”

Loki didn’t bother. Visions of destruction plagued his mind, obscuring his view. He enjoyed the place and his present company. Thinking of it no longer existing didn’t sit well with him.

Luna sensed the storm brewing inside him and squeezed his hand. “Don’t dwell on it.”

“Why not? It’s my wrongdoing.”

“Because it doesn’t do any good. Dwelling never fixes anything.”

Loki blinked and looked down at the crown of Luna’s head as he regarded her statement. The first time she had confronted any issue regarding his past, and it was over and done with before he could spare any additional words. And how nonchalant she was about it. Loki was almost convinced she had forgotten about the incident or never heard of it. No, she was worlds smarter than that. Loki was the one who forgot and took her for granted. She was as merciful as she was gracious.

Yes, dwelling doesn’t fix anything. He would follow her example and brush it off for a time when it is a problem, for it wasn’t now.

Carefully, Loki changed the subject. “You know, many centuries ago, people used these as a method of transportation.”

Luna peered up at him, eager to know the context with which he spoke. A tilt of his head towards the ground gave her what she needed to continue.

“And you traveled with them, I suppose?”

Loki snickered. “Heavens, no. That was well before my time, around the era of my grandfather Bor’s rule.”

“Did you know him?”

He paused. “Also before my time.”

“I never knew my grandfathers either. One died of cancer; the other, a stroke.” Luna caught herself. It was early enough to stop. “Sorry. You didn’t need to know that.”

Alas, more information Loki couldn’t find in her diaries. “What do you know about them?” He had to know more.

“Well,” Luna assembled her words, “I know I would have liked one more than the other. But isn’t that how it is with all family?”

Loki let out a laugh. “How right you are.” Memories of times passed surfaced here and there in his thoughts. Yes, how right she was. If she only knew how much.

Unabashedly, as his gaze fell elsewhere, Luna admired him. She had gotten him to smile out of genuine amusement. And his laugh. A reward in and of itself. ‘Tamed the beast,’ an onlooker might say. But such a statement couldn’t be farther from the truth. He was no beast.

The two skated further around the rink, passing straggling children trying to stay on two feet and teens doing their best not to get too rowdy. No one bothered to notice them. Glances were spared only to prevent any unnecessary collisions. They spoke naught for they felt no need to. The peace they achieved at home had extended out past the threshold. To say the least, it was nice. Others could do the chattering in their place. Until, of course, one decided to take the reins.

“So, is it true?” Luna asked, a slight smirk making its way onto her face.

“Is what true?” Loki asked back, not bothering to look away from the ice before him.

“About Sleipnir?”

Confusion passed over Loki, as such a thing had not crossed his mind in many a moon. But, he caught on to what she meant and snickered lightly. “Dear, no. He was real, yes, but he was another being from before me. I took a liking to the creature while in my youth and most people mocked me for it, aptly calling me his ‘mother.’”

Luna smiled at the sentiment. “That’s nice you gave him company, though. How beautiful he must have been.”

“Quite so. A magnificent animal. Odin didn’t appreciate him properly, but then again, he rarely did with anything." Rather than get into another tense topic, Loki dispelled any increasing strain. “However, perhaps in another universe, he would have been my true son.”

Luna paused and tittered a little. “Yeah, and you would have vibrant red hair and a whole wife.”

“My goodness, just imagine!” Loki bolstered, pulling a laugh from her.

Moments like these granted him a precious second to admire the beauty of his young friend. Could he call her ‘friend?’ As he thought on how delightfully warm he found her smile, he found himself treading back into dangerous territory. Friends, in his experience, were never around for long and he was so blinded by the wishful thinking he couldn't catch their lies until it was too late for his heart. Maybe they did like him, but they never preferred him. Then again, they were not her. None from his past were like her, and perhaps it would be alright for him. But, for now, only the Norns could tell.

Before long, announcements were made for all active skaters to vacate the rink for the Zamboni to makes its rounds. Luna and Loki took their sweet time, unlike a select few who thought it would be fun to race to the exit. The loud, rapid scraping of their blades alerted those around to their oncoming presence; a presence Luna did not keep track of.

Heads were turned, and gazes averted. The instance spelled disaster. Luckily, Loki possessed a distinct taste for it. He felt the moment coming a breath before anyone else did. One individual was going too fast, got bumped by a friend, and was careening towards the spot Luna was gliding towards. With a rough yank, Loki took hold of her and moved her out of the stranger’s path. He held her tight against the wall to prevent her from slipping and rendering his efforts naught. The stranger recovered quickly, threw them an apology, and continued on their way.

The two stood for a spell; Loki’s arms around her torso and Luna’s hands gripping his coat’s collar. Slowly and steadily, he leaned back.

“Are you alright?” He asked, a bit breathless.

“Uh-huh, yeah.” Luna moved her hands to the sides of his shoulders. “Thanks,” she whispered. He was closer than usual. Not something she was used to.

“Of course,” he whispered back as he stared into her eyes. They were full and dark from the night sky, shining in the lights from above. Again, they captured him. Inconveniently, at best, but it couldn’t be helped.

Time caught up, and Luna slid her hands down to his biceps with the sole purpose of gently pushing him off, but one touch and she stopped. The words of May Parker surfaced in her mind. Loki was indeed firm and strong by the way he held her. She knew so from her first dance with him but feeling him again like this was a whole other matter. Coupled with the intenseness of his gaze, he made her feel hot under the collar. A completely involuntary reaction. It couldn’t be helped.

Dragging herself back into reality, Luna gave his arm a tap. “We, uh, we should get going before we’re forcibly removed.”

“Oh, yes,” Loki muttered, pulling back and standing at his full height. He gestured to the ice in front of them on the path to the gate. Ever the gentleman, he allowed Luna to go first if she wished. Eager to escape the awkward situation, she took the invitation and skated off with Loki trailing behind her.

In the sitting area, they sipped on individual hot chocolates and let their minds scramble in different directions. No thought led gracefully to another. The abruptness of their proximity left no room for control. They faked it well, though. Luna gradually regained it by tapping out the beat to a song playing over the speakers.

The first thing she consciously felt was comfortable. A bit rattled from the experience, but not wishing she could get away from Loki. She didn't have to try with him, in the best way. She'd admit it was scary, for it might be too good to be true. She wondered how he was in his past. If anyone else felt like this around him. Perhaps they did. Maybe it was none of her business. No harm in imagining, though.

“You must have had a lot of friends on Asgard,” she said, snapping Loki out of whatever musing he was in.

He turned the cup around in his hand. “Why would you think something like that?”

“Because it takes no energy to hang out with you.”

Loki creased his brow. “Thank…you?” In all his years, never had he heard something like that.

Luna laughed, a little nervous. “No, no, it’s a good thing. It’s inviting, at least to people like me.” She fiddled with the plastic lid, trusting he could see what she meant. The growing grin on his face gave her a hint of what he felt.

“Well, for your sake,” he held up his half-empty cup, “I’m glad,” and tapped it gently against hers.

Cheers to someone who preferred his company. Cheers to someone he liked to be around. Cheers to his beautiful friend named after the moon.

----------

Taglist:  @the-doctor-9-10 @pinkieperil @sherlockfan4life

[acevillainswhodunnit]

Introduction, Part 2

The words of John Doe are as loud as a gunshot and just as quick.

DARYAN CRESCEND knew all about quick, ruthless murders. He’s spent years hunting down criminals and standing face to face with death, always living on the edge. Even when the gun was in his own hand, he could remember the adrenaline and fear that ran through him after he had pulled the trigger. There was something about staring face to face with a corpse that made one really think about how fragile life was and how permanent death could be.  

Whatever scene Daryan had been thrown into now could only be defined as messy. It was an understatement of course. Daryan, before his incarceration, had been in the midst of disaster, as part of his past profession as a detective. He had an eye and ear for danger, and a mouth that always got him into trouble.

As furious as he is, slowly Daryan’s anger sobers him. His eyes are no longer hazy and his breaths no longer come out in shaky gasps. As quickly as his mind wraps around the fact that he is in immediate danger, his senses go haywire.

With a quick scan around the room, which the map lists as the foyer, Daryan counts twelve people, thirteen including himself. What came as a bigger shock than the fact that there was a dead body hanging two feet from off the floor was the fact that the other guests were in collapsed states much like Daryan himself, and that they have recognizable faces. More unsettling, it seems their prison garbs have been changed back into their normal attire.

Daryan didn't appreciate being dressed without his consent, and he clenched his fists as he turned back to the man who had spoken earlier.

“Don’t look too alarmed, I am sure there are none here who are unsettled by death, for it will be a constant companion while in this estate. I, too, will be a constant presence here.” John Doe lifts his hands slightly, making a show out of all of this. “You might find this a tad rushed, but there is a method to this madness, and the thrill of a mystery has quite the appeal, especially when the next to die could be any single one of you....”

A man with tanned skin seethes against the wall, his nostrils flaring. Daryan recognizes him easily. FURIO TIGRE lives up to his name, his entire demeanor one of disbelief and absolute wrath. It was why he was one of the most dangerous convicts inside of state prison, having caused fights and riots on the daily, back when Daryan was just a greenhorn.

To Daryan’s right another man stands, if only to make a show of his own build. If Daryan’s mouth wasn’t so dry he may have choked on his spit at seeing REDD WHITE, a criminal blackmailer with a violent streak appear among the crowd. Redd was quick to open his mouth to make a comment, as men his type are prone to do, only for the ominous figure to halt him.

“I must ask you to refrain from asking any questions. I wouldn’t want you to start this little game without knowing the rules first.” Doe’s mechanical voice screeches, “that would be cheating, and cheaters will meet a fitting end.”

A tall, lanky fellow known as LUKE ATMEY jumps to his feet as well, stroking his chin as he wildly observes the scene. Daryan knew the freelance Ace Detective only by headings in old newspapers. The man had been a case study back in the day when Daryan was on the force. What a pompous, over confident man.

Suddenly, he catches sight of the woman sitting directly in front John Doe. Her back is turned towards John as if his narrative was one that she had heard a dozen of times before. DEE VASQUEZ, who Daryan realizes is the mob related ex-producer of children’s fighting shows, has little interest in this conversation, and rather is watching the others in the room.

“I will make it very clear to all of you that this has been a game set up by one of your peers, for reasons that may or may not interest you. I, your humble guide, will provide you with the tools you need to survive to the end, and it will be under your own volition to do so.” John becomes far more serious, losing his jovial tone.

Two women sitting side by side, a duo Daryan recognizes as MORGAN FEY and MIMI MINEY, appear to be casually immersed in Doe’s grandiose ramblings, perhaps a front to cover their true emotions. Morgan has a faint sneer on her face, a wrinkle on her forehead growing deeper with every one of John’s pointed statements. Even her hand covering her mouth does little to hide her disdain. Mimi, with her expression hidden by her hat, seems to share a similar mindset, her jaw tensed up as she grits her teeth.

The tension in the air is as heavy as the severity of Doe’s tone.

“There will be laws here, and to those who chose to take them with a grain of salt, I will make this game a living hell for you. Heed my warnings, I do not wish to repeat myself.” Doe takes a step forward, his body now hidden in the shadow of the statue. “You will be guests in this two floor estate. You will be able to venture into any room before nightfall. You are prohibited from harming one another. And of course, you are prohibited from leaving.”

A prim and proper looking woman, one who instantly grates on Daryan’s nerves for her holier than thou attitude, huffs in indignation. ALITA TIALA was clearly not amused at the curfew or the restrictions. She digs her nails into her palm, her eyes darting from one face to another.

Doe’s shoe squeaks against tile as he shifts his weight, “Don’t look so alarmed, this is supposed to be a challenge after all. That is why we have placed such precautions. To succeed at these cases, you will be forbidden to share images, especially those found in any of your private conversations. It has been pre-decided that only one of the twelve who stands before me will make it to the end of this game, and the prize? Well, of course there would need to be a prize for something as extravagant as this. I will elaborate about that later on, of course. It would be too easy to give you everything now.”

Daryan can feel his face grow warm with anger as Doe’s bullshit fills the air. He recognizes YANNI YOGI and LANA SKYE, who are both in the middle of the room. Lana seems disturbed at the realization that eleven people could be murdered right before her eyes, while Yanni was asleep quite casually on the ground. Daryan was disgusted by Yanni’s lack of regard for their current predicament, but could tell that the light drumming of his fingers against his thigh meant that Yanni was awake and following the conversations, despite not wanting to be part of it.

“In regards to investigating, clues will be given to each remaining guest, and you may decide amongst yourselves who you will trust, and who you will betray. We do encourage you to share your clues; it is ideal to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, especially with you lot.”

A young woman Daryan recognizes from the few newspapers he was able to get his hands on in prison lets out a yawn at the explanation, which irks their so-called host. CAMMY MEELE crosses her arms and rests against the wall, apparently taking a page from Yanni Yogi and sleep off the events of today away.

Unfortunately, Doe has other plans.

“Those who do not follow house rules will be punished accordingly, so be very careful about whose trust you decide to abuse. They may carry a grudge…”

MATT ENGARDE, ex pretty boy superstar, suddenly gasps as he sinks against the wall, his mouth gaping open in fear as John Doe finally appears in the center of the room. There is a moment of silence as several other people do the same, the man’s identity now clear.

“Some of you may know me from the past,  but for now consider me as simply your humble servant… and also your host. I will now allow you the privilege of investigation. Discuss among yourselves who will have the pleasure of examining the body in a makeshift morgue, who will prefer to visit the last known whereabouts of the victim, and who will stay here in the foyer to examine this charming crime scene of ours. Four spots are allotted to each location, so think carefully and contact me when you are ready. Until then, I will patiently await your decision.”

Shelly de Killer smiles, and leaves the choice hanging in the air.

All eyes return to the dead body as night one officially begins. 

[painterlegendx]

The Reason Why Everyone Love Insurance Card Look Up - Insurance Card Look Up

Alexandra Miller, a 30-year-old Brooklynite, would be hard-pressed to allocution about her brainy bloom struggles over the accomplished few years afterwards talking about the stresses of active in New York. That audible adroitness of alarming she’s acquainted about commuting, for instance? That started to set in afterwards she got into a bike blow in Park Slope in 2014.

European Health Insurance Card - Wikipedia - insurance card look up | insurance card look up “The activity of accepting article so abrupt appear on the alley fabricated me feel like that blazon of blow could appear at any time,” Miller said. “I aloof noticed I was acceptable added and added crazily anxious.”Keeping up with the aerial bulk of active in New York while advancing her passions has additionally been a antecedent of anxiety. At one point, Miller was alive two part-time jobs—one as an beat abettor at a aliment blog and accession as a clear artist and business administrator at a nonprofit—and would generally become afflicted by the activity of perpetually treading baptize to break afloat. She would sometimes blitz out of the alms able-bodied afore her stop because she acquainted like she bare to appear up for air. “I started to abhorrence article activity awfully amiss on my way to work,” Miller said. “I would get agitation attacks on the subway, and I absolutely was not able to accumulate demography cabs.”These days, Miller is in therapy, and says her account sessions acquire been invaluable in allowance her affected her anxiety. But advantageous for those sessions has become yet accession antecedent of stress. Miller started freelancing full-time as a clear artist in 2019 and brought in about $35,000 while architecture up her clientele.“It is a strain,” Miller says of the $60 she pays her therapist anniversary week, “especially aback my assets can be unpredictable.”Miller is not abandoned in her attempt to account for brainy bloom care. Others who acquire accomplished out to Gothamist and WNYC in contempo weeks as allotment of our bloom bulk accuracy activity #PriceCheckNYC are advantageous ample sums out of abridged for approved assay sessions and visits to their psychiatrists to renew prescriptions, alike if they’re insured.Across the country, patients are far added acceptable to go alfresco of their allowance networks for brainy bloom affliction and addiction assay (collectively referred to as behavioral bloom care) than for added types of bloom care, admitting laws acute insurers to action aboveboard advantage for behavioral health. And the alterity is added arresting in New York than in abounding added states. Nationwide, arrangement visits for behavioral bloom affliction were about bristles times added acceptable to be out-of-network than primary affliction visits in 2017, according to an assay of allowance claims by the consulting aggregation Milliman. In New York, they were 11 times added acceptable to be out-of-network.Part of the botheration is that abounding brainy bloom practitioners don’t booty allowance at all, and some who do still seek to absolute the cardinal of patients they see who are advantageous with insurance. To accomplish affairs worse, insurers acquire been accustomed to do a poor job of befitting advice on who’s in their behavioral bloom networks up-to-date. The chase for a therapist, as against to, say, a gastroenterologist, is added complicated by the actuality that the capability of assay can depend on the accommodating and therapist actuality able to advance a acceptable rapport.When Miller’s accompany and ancestors assuredly assertive her to seek out a therapist in backward 2016, it took her a abounding year to acquisition accession who both accustomed her Oscar Bloom allowance and fabricated her feel like she was authoritative absolute advance appear recovery. The aboriginal footfall of Miller’s chase was accessible enough. She started a argument babble with one of Oscar’s Affliction Guides, who in about-face contacted Optum--the arrangement of behavioral bloom providers Oscar affairs with--and delivered her a account of in-network therapists in her area. But already Miller started extensive out to the therapists on the list, her drive began to flag. The offices she contacted either said they had no availability for new patients, were afraid to acquire Oscar, or didn’t acknowledgment her messages. Where can I find the policy number on my Health Insurance .. | insurance card look up “This has been a angrily difficult action for me and I allegation advice ASAP,” Miller wrote in a babble with a Affliction Guide several weeks into her search.Despite her challenges, Miller may still acquire had an advantage over some New Yorkers. A contempo abstraction conducted in New York City begin that bodies who complete stereotypically white and/or boilerplate chic on the buzz are added acceptable to account assay accessories than bodies who complete stereotypically atramentous and/or alive class, alike if they all acquire the aforementioned insurance. This highlights the ample acumen behavioral bloom practitioners in clandestine convenance acquire aback accepting new patients.“We are apologetic that this action was arresting for Ms. Miller, and animated that she was ultimately able to get care,” Dr. Neil Parikh, chief medical administrator of affliction commitment at Oscar, said in a statement. “Ensuring able behavioral bloom admission has become an industry-wide issue, at times complicated by abounding providers not accepting insurance. In contempo years, Oscar and Optum acquire invested cogent assets in architecture out a basic behavioral bloom aggregation to advice with cases like these.”Like abounding gluttonous means to aggrandize admission to behavioral bloom care, Oscar is all-embracing the acceleration of telehealth--the use of video babble and added agenda advice to articulation patients and clinicians--rather than relying alone on contiguous meetings. Oscar says it is alive with the aggregation Doctor on Demand to aggrandize its agenda behavioral bloom services. The insurer additionally said it’s planning to arrangement with some behavioral bloom providers directly, in accession to application Optum’s network.But Oscar did not acknowledgment one acutely accessible way to accession arrangement participation: advantageous added for behavioral bloom care. The boilerplate in-network ante insurers pay for behavioral bloom lag abaft what they pay for primary affliction and added medical specialties, both in New York and nationwide. Clinicians in clandestine convenance acquire the added allurement of alienated allowance in adjustment to save on authoritative costs, which can be decidedly adorable in New York City, area hire and added aerial costs are already high.Leah Slivko, Miller’s therapist, is aboveboard about her attitude appear insurance. “If I am on an allowance panel, the agreement is abundant beneath than my fee and I assignment at a loss, accustomed how low allowance companies reimburse,” said Slivko, a accountant analytic amusing artisan with a clandestine convenance in Manhattan. “If the allowance pays out-of-network , the agreement generally is better, so the allowance companies do not accord allurement for acclimatized clinicians to be on their panels.”Slivko added that she prefers to abode her patients’ bread-and-butter needs by acceptance them to pay on a sliding calibration because it cuts aback on red tape.“Not alone does allowance try to cut their own costs, they baffle with assay with alternate reviews as to whether assay continues to be a medical necessity,” Slivko said. “It undermines the assay and stigmatizes the patients’ needs.” How to find your health insurance policy number - Quora - insurance card look up | insurance card look up Although Slivko acutely participates in two allowance networks, she admits that she alone “occasionally will acquire accession who is referred by the allowance companies if I acquire an hour that is not prime time.”Slivko is in-network for Miller and the two initially started alive calm at the alpha of 2018, aback Miller was on Oscar’s Simple Silver Plan, which partially covered the bulk of her account sessions. But Miller anticipation she adeptness acquire to cut her advance abbreviate at the alpha of 2019, aback she downgraded to a Simple Bronze Plan that adapted her to absorb $7,900 on medical costs afore any brainy bloom advantage kicked in. Slivko offered to let Miller abstain allowance and pay her $60 a anniversary anon instead--a abrupt abatement off her archetypal bulk of $225 per session.Still, to allow assay on top of her hire and added expenses, Miller has had to get creative. She has started demography gigs walking dogs, babysitting, and cat-sitting to supplement her income. The another anesthetic practitioners who Miller says additionally accord to her accord of mind--a bodyworker and an herbalist--have agreed to acquire advice with business and logo architecture in barter for their services. But with her therapist, bartering is not an option.“It’s sometimes difficult to go four times a month,” Miller admits. “I’m fatigued about black my therapist and afraid about accepting to cut aback because of costs.”While in-network allowance ante for behavioral bloom affliction adeptness be a low, the banknote prices some behavioral bloom providers allegation can be sky-high. And not anybody gets a discount.Ian, who beneath to use his aftermost name, aggregate that he afresh became uninsured afterwards accident his adept job at a tech company. Shortly thereafter, his primary affliction doctor at Weill Cornell Anesthetic referred him to a Weill Cornell analyst to amusement his anxiety. The psychiatrist’s banknote rate? A whopping $525.13 per account session, in accession to the bulk of his Lexapro prescription. Ian said he inquired about his psychiatrist’s sliding calibration but was told he fabricated too abundant to authorize because of the assets he was still bringing in from alive for his old aggregation on a arrangement basis.“My domiciliary account is now active at a arrears of $1,500 per month, so this is acutely not sustainable,” Ian said. “I'm actively gluttonous new full-time application that would appear with bloom allowance and achievement this will appear through soon.”Weill Cornell did not acknowledge to a appeal for added advice on its sliding calibration action but acclaimed in a account that “we additionally action chargeless casework through our Weill Cornell Association Clinic, which is served by both our medical acceptance and adroitness on a pro-bono basis.”Even if a plan covers out-of-network care, activity out of arrangement can add an added band of authority and banking stress. Alexandra Dziura, 27, says she has acceptable advantage through her employer. But because she sees a therapist and analyst who are out-of-network, she has to pay them up advanced and again abide the bills to her insurer by snail mail to accept fractional reimbursement--a action that can booty over a ages from alpha to finish. She has to advanced $180 for anniversary account assay affair and $350 for anniversary account arrangement to the analyst who manages her medication. “I acquire an AmEx committed to my assay expenses” in adjustment to awning the costs, Dziura says. “I additionally acquire a acclaim agenda I aloof use for my life, so I am consistently aggravating to adjudge whether I should pay off this agenda or that card. It’s a bamboozlement act for sure.” How to find your health insurance policy number - Quora - insurance card look up | insurance card look up New York regulators can’t force insurers to allurement therapists into their networks by advantageous them a assertive amount, but they can about-face up the burden on bloom affairs to aggrandize their behavioral bloom networks, says Christine Khaikin, a bloom action advocate at the Legal Action Center.Maryland, for instance, has developed quantitative standards for arrangement capability that behest the best ambit a accommodating should acquire to biking for in-network care, the best bulk of time they should acquire to delay for an arrangement and the adapted arrangement of in-network bloom affliction providers to patients in altered medical categories, including behavioral health.“These standards for behavioral bloom aloof don’t abide in New York,” Khaikin says. “I anticipate they put some blaze beneath insurers to attending at their networks.”Many of the standards in abode for behavioral bloom advantage in New York appear from the federal Brainy Bloom Adequation and Addiction Equity Act of 2008, which aims to anticipate bloom affairs from arty greater restrictions or cost-sharing requirements on behavioral bloom casework than added types of medical care. New York has additionally implemented its own rules in contempo years attached the adeptness of insurers to abjure advantage for assertive behavioral bloom services. But the alterity amid how frequently bodies go out of arrangement for behavioral bloom affliction against added types of affliction has alone gotten worse. In 2018, the New York advocate general’s arrangement accustomed several bloom affairs for adequation violations and the assembly anesthetized a law acute insurers to abide letters to the accompaniment with abstracts accompanying to adequation compliance.It’s unclear, however, whether any of these administration efforts will decidedly adapt the calculations that acquire led therapists and added behavioral bloom providers to actuate that they can accomplish added money by alienated allowance networks than by abutting them.Ensuring adequation amid behavioral and concrete bloom affliction additionally doesn’t do abundant if a plan provides basal advantage all around—meaning those like Miller who acquire too abundant to authorize for government-run allowance through Medicaid but too little to allow affection bloom allowance on the bartering bazaar are still in a boxy spot.Despite the banking strain, however, Miller says she’ll try to abide to accent brainy bloom affliction in her account because it’s been account the advance appropriately far.“I bike and I’m on the alms all the time now,” Miller says, account at the advance she’s fabricated aback starting her sessions with Slivko. “It was aloof absolutely accessible to assignment with accession who could advice me reframe my abhorrence of commuting and advice me pay added absorption to managing my accent than annoying about some array of alms disaster.”Have you or a admired one had agitation advantageous for or accessing brainy bloom affliction or addiction treatment? Let us know! This adventure has focused on bodies with clandestine insurance, but we’re attractive for belief from Medicaid associates as well. Abide your medical bills beneath or email us at healthcosts@gothamist.com.

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[rueur]

Morning Pages No. 54

Monday 17th August - 8:00 AM

I was up at around 7:25, but I didn’t start this right away. And I’m okay with that, I mean I realise I need to be a bit more lenient with myself when it comes to building this practice back up again. Fear of failure is something that I really need to address if I want to attain any level of meaningful success, I know that. It’s been two and a half or so years since my last morning pages, and from what I can tell after briefly reading over and then half-heartedly publishing my last entry, in the last few months of 2017 and that one month in 2018, I seem to only write up these pages if I felt emotionally volatile, like I needed to express myself. If I associated negative feelings with this practice, it’s definitely clear why it didn’t stick like I wanted it to. This isn’t supposed to be a form of therapy or an outlet where I get to vent, even if I do get to vent. This is just supposed to be an opportunity for me to be honest with myself, which is something that I’ve been struggling to do for the last three years, if I’m going to be completely honest! 

It’s also worth saying that I didn’t start this up again of my own volition. Sarah’s put together a group on Facebook called ‘21 Days of Abundance’, where she’ll be setting 21 days of challenges which are supposed to aid us in our personal growth and support our ability to be mindful. Day 1 was setting yourself a personal goal or intention that we should aim to do on every single one of the 21 days. It has to be a measurable goal, so we’re more likely to achieve it. People chose things like ‘no screen time for an hour after waking’, or ‘meditate for ten minutes or so a day’, and those are both pretty honourable goals that I honestly might try and do alongside writing my morning pages. I mean I’ve definitely already failed with the screen thing today because the first thing that I did upon waking up was go to the bathroom with my phone and I absent-mindedly watched this Smosh skit called ‘Tinder for Hotdogs’ which was apparently a big vision of Shayne Topp’s. It was just an interesting narrative to follow rather than being a skit, actually it was kind of like a meta skit. Like the ‘Moby Dick’ narration he tried in that one ‘Try Not To Laugh’ video with Gus Johnson. 

Evan just came and put a blanket on me because Lonzo just climbed out of bed very awkwardly - as he is wont to do - when Evan asked him to get out of bed to come and eat his breakfast. LONZO IS MY DOG. I realise in my last few entries, I was constantly talking about how I want a dog but I’m living in an apartment that was quite genuinely way too small for any kind of dog, but now I have a dog! And I don’t live in an apartment anymore! We’re in a house in Epping, and it’s beautiful out here. We have a whippet called Lonzo who was born on the 29th of May, 2018. We’ve had him since July, 2018. So yeah, of course these morning pages were written whenever I was feeling depressed and that’s exactly why I suppose I haven’t written them out in three years now. I’ve been quite happy, building myself up and finding or making opportunities for myself. Lonzo’s just returned back to me. He eats breakfast very quickly because we give him a mixture of meatballs and dry food, and he’ll eat all the microwaved meatballs and leave the dry food in his bowl and eat it throughout the day. I’d be okay with this if it wasn’t for Nicky, who’s always lurking around the food bowl and trying his best to eat Lonzo’s dog food as silently as possible so as not to raise the alarm, not just from Evan and me, but also from Lonzo too, who has quite astute hearing despite being a sighthound. Haha. Sorry. 

I’m thinking of Wren now. If I make a bad joke, I think of Wren. If I look through my photo album on my phone, I think of Wren. And I don’t like it. Wren’s not having a very good time in lockdown, and despite everything that’s going on in my life for myself, I feel like Wren not having a good time is kind of defining my own existence right now. They made the decision to live alone and to see multiple people at a time, and they’ve consistently made the decision to choose intoxicants over healthy, wholesome foods and practices. I’ve tried to talk to them about steps they can take to improve their emotional health and wellbeing right now, and they’ve rarely listened to me, instead asking that I give them all my time so that they can fill their void with jokes and absent conversation. Over a week or so ago now, they asked if we could video chat every day, and we did for two days, until a Thursday night when the chat didn’t happen because Wren had fallen asleep and I was waiting for them to initiate because I had just gotten home from work, and I was happy to chat, but I was also more than happy taking a back seat to it all and just kinda letting it happen to me, you know? But Wren fell asleep and it wasn’t a big deal. Cut to Friday evening around six-ish as I’m finishing up at work, and Wren messages me ‘What time is our video call tonight?’, not ‘Can we...’ or ‘Are we...’, just ‘What time...?’, and that honestly didn’t sit right with me. This is Melbourne’s second lockdown, and quite honestly, our first lockdown wasn’t too great for Wren and me, in regards to our friendship. Our friendship was in essence, largely under duress. I find it easier to talk about these shitty things like I’m a narrator in a Victorian novel. Somewhat. I don’t know. Now I feel like I’ve found a natural stall in my inner narrative voice. Stream of consciousness...am I even doing this right? Is the point to conjure stories out of nothing? Is the point to journal absent-mindedly? This isn’t really supposed to be therapy, as I said. And I don’t want to do this wrong again. I believe addressing my anxiety that’s linked to ‘doing this wrong again’ is just a part of addressing my fear of failure. Full honesty here, I went back to edit that sentence. I actually edit this as I write it because I’m a tiny bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing, and even though it’s stream of consciousness, I still want it to be grammatically correct and coherent. I’m thinking now that I want to swap the words so it’s ‘coherent and grammatically correct’, but I’m not going to edit that just to give you (me) an example of how much I do edit myself. I’m very proud of my work, even if this is work that only I will ever be able to see. I feel like I still need to talk about Wren though, even if this isn’t supposed to be a form of therapy. 

Wren took Sookie back, so we only have Nicholas and Lonzo. I want another cat. Everyone has cats right now! Lockdown cats! Sarah has Clancy, Nichole has Bishop, and Amy has her two cats Evie and oh my gosh I’ve forgotten the name of the other one...the two black cats that live with her and her three housemates in Heidelberg West, in their ‘witches coven’. I’m kind of glad that my mind has taken me away from Wren and towards cats, but also...I’m right back to Wren now too, to mention that Wren adopted a cat named Fern quite recently and I drove up to Woodend with them on the day of the adoption. I need to go to the bathroom, but I want to wait until I at least finish this page. I can be lenient with myself, but there has to be a limit, right? I feel like if I go to the bathroom right now, I’m not going to be coming back anytime soon because of my damn phone. I don’t entirely know where my phone is right now and I don’t mind that, but honestly I have been tempted every now and then during this writing exercise to use my phone to look something up, or at least check my socials and messenger to find the name of Amy’s second cat. Goddamn, yeah I need to go to the toilet. If I don’t go, then this is going to be all I write about for the rest of this page and that’s just no good. Yeah, I’m going to go. This isn’t even a question of self-discipline anymore, it’s just a question of not being dumb enough to ignore basic biological urges and fucking up your insides slowly over a number of decades until you’re an old person with incontinence. What the fuck. I need to go to the bathroom.

It’s 8:35am, so I didn’t lose much time, thankfully. It’s interesting though, when I was sitting on the toilet, I was really missing writing to the point where I honestly couldn’t wait to start my SEO stuff. I do some freelance content writing right now, too. It was a gig I got through Christian, which I’ve been thankful for for a couple of years now. I’ve been lucky enough to write for the most insane clients, but I feel like I shouldn’t mention anything here just as a bit of a precaution. I find it tricky to distance my work life from my social life, I suppose because I work a lot. I have four jobs. SEO stuff, tutoring, tech retail sales, and more freelance communications stuff. And uni, I’m still doing uni too, but only one subject this semester. I’m really not passionate about this master’s course that I’m doing. Does ‘master’s’ need an apostrophe? I added the quotation marks to ‘master’s’ to get that ruddy red line - or blue line, I forget - to disappear from my document. I guess if I keep digressing it must mean that I am in fact, doing stream of consciousness writing properly. I hate that last sentence. I’m losing the plot in all this concern for grammar, but the way I see it...it’s a skill that I have to offer my friends and loved ones. I’m happy to read anything over at any time and use my skills to help people get the things that they want. Dan wants to give me a few responsibilities with Zuri. I’m eager to help out, but I also don’t know how much time I’ll be able to dedicate to the project, what with all the other things I’m doing right now. Steve said he’ll help me out with some web design stuff, which I’m actually really looking forward to. I’m still not thinking about Wren. Except I am. I hate that I am. But I also feel guilty that I’m trying not to. Wren’s suicidal, because the world is in lockdown and they live alone. They can’t come here because of the 5km radius rule, and they sent me a message yesterday morning asking if they could come over and pretend to be my girlfriend, because exceptions are made for if you’re visiting an intimate partner. We’ve pretended to be an item before, that I have no issue with. But lying and also putting Evan at risk, because Evan is genuinely concerned about breaking any laws right now, due to the high penalties...I can’t do that. I can’t ask him of that. I’m concerned for my friend, but it’s also worth saying that they haven’t been a very good friend to me lately. They demand consideration, but they rarely give it in return. I don’t want to talk about this right now, because I’m at the end of my three pages. Even though...I suppose I do want to talk about this.

[siliconwebx]

How Sitting in Discomfort Can Push You to Do Your Best Work

Sitting in discomfort is the greatest motivator to push forward. Feeling uneasy helps you grow professionally and it’s the catalyst to take your business further.

Losing sleep over money can force you to raise your rates or nix clients who waste your time.

Having to face the music every time you miss a deadline can push you to wake up earlier to get ahead, no matter how much you hate your alarm clock.

Constantly being worried about what a client, co-worker or manager thinks or how they treat you can drive you to assert yourself and make your boundaries clear.

What upsets us and drains our energy – anger, anxiety, worry – also spurs action. “I don’t want to live like this anymore” is a powerful declaration.

The Fear of Discomfort

Think about the problems in your life. Are you anxious or stressed on a regular basis because you’re miserable at work? Do you feel sick from unhealthy foods or hate what you see in the mirror? At the end of the week, is your energy depleted because you’ve spent too much time making other people happy?

In all of these situations, you’re avoiding discomfort. Having a discussion with your boss, changing careers or raising your rates means upheaval will follow. Adapting your shopping list to only include healthy foods, then learning to prepare those foods and training yourself to like them feels like a job. Saying “no” to people you love makes you feel guilty.

Here’s the thing, though: right now, you’re already uncomfortable. You’re just less uncomfortable with what you’ve been living with than you will be if you make changes. All you’re doing is choosing between two levels of discomfort. The level you’re choosing is in the basement and there’s not an elevator up. At least the other level gets some sunlight.

What you should fear is growing more used to the discomfort you’ve been sitting in for months.

Discomfort Has a Point

Discomfort can be the intuition that tells you, “Do not walk down that dark alley at night.” Listen to that kind of discomfort. It may also say:

Don’t work with that client. There have been too many red flags and neither of you will be happy.

These new responsibilities feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Don’t agree to them.

That seminar you’re being pressured to attend is too expensive and not aligned with your goals.

On the other hand, discomfort can tell you that un-scary things are scary. Either way, discomfort is always telling you something. Your job is to figure out what that something is and why the fear is popping up at the moment.

How to Handle Discomfort

Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”

What is it that’s actually threatening you? If there’s nothing, the discomfort may dissipate in a flash.

Maybe there is something scary, though. Change is perfectly scary. Discovering what feels threatening guides you to your next step: doing the research and making a plan to get over it.

Here’s an example: I’m a hiker, but I’m terrified of running into a bear. The discomfort of not hiking is greater than the fear of the bear I may or may not see. I regularly go over what to do if I see a bear, I carry a bear bell and I keep up on bear sightings in the area. The threat’s still there, but my discomfort is lessened, and I’m a better, more prepared hiker for it.

Look that discomfort square in the face and say, “So what?”

You’re uncomfortable. You feel awkward. You’re nervous about an incoming email. You might fail. So what? Is this something you can’t get through? In your life, you’ve learned how to do a million things you’d never done before. You got behind the wheel of a car and powered its entire 4,000 pounds. You’ve broken hearts and had your heart broken. You walked into class on every single first day of school, including middle school which itself is pretty much a lesson in dealing with discomfort for a full three years.

Only focus on the challenge that’s in front of you.

Your mind is going to come up with new ways to prevent you from doing what you’re trying to do. Every time it does, you’ll have to find another workaround. You don’t know what your mind is going to do the next time or the time after that, so don’t run down your energy trying to solve problems that don’t exist yet. Just take one crisis at a time.

Remember that you’re always saying “yes” to something.

When you’re making big, massive changes (or even small, teensy changes), it can feel like you’re telling yourself “no” a lot. “No, you can’t do what you’ve always done. You cannot wrap that proverbial warm blanket around you.” You’re also saying “yes” to something, though. Think of what you’re welcoming instead of what you’re leaving behind.

4 Ways to Increase Your Discomfort to Benefit Your Work

Now things are gonna get fun. We’re going to purposely increase your discomfort in order to push your way out of this “meh” work situation.

Burn your ships.

It’s difficult to choose the uncomfortable-but-better path when the other path, the one you’re used to, is still right there. That’s why you have to “burn your ships,” a method that refers to removing the former option so that you only have the new option left. The phrase refers to an expedition in 1519 when Hernán Cortés led 600 Spaniards to capture a treasure. When they arrived in Mexico, Cortés destroyed his ships to drive the message home: this is it, complete the task or die.

In business, you can create your own point of no return, and it can be as tame or drastic as you want. Send an email that tells your clients you’re no longer offering a specific service. Walk into your boss’ office and give your two week’s notice. Create a situation where you cannot go back; you’ll be forced to move forward, like it or not.

Put yourself through exposure therapy.

If you’re afraid of something, steep yourself in it. Worried about an editor’s response to something you wrote? Ask them flat out whether or not they liked it and if they have any feedback. Avoiding a phone call from an unhappy client? Pick up the phone and call them yourself. Dreading a string of nasty Tweets after posting a controversial comment? Read every single one right this second. Broach the topic you don’t want to discuss, take the next step that has you shaking – just do it so that you can see that it’s not that scary. I’ll ruin the surprise for you: you’ll be fine. (Also, check out this wild experiment called 100 Days of Rejection Therapy).

Eat the frog.

Mark Twain said, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” Aside from a great productivity hack, eating the frog is an actionable form of exposure therapy. You can continue worrying about the project you have to start, the looming deadline or the poor critique you have to give your team, or you can just get it over with. Do it first thing, before you do anything else. You may also find that the worry itself is what’s so uncomfortable, not the steps you have to take.

Create a new aversion.

You’re not happy with your job, so you quit. After trying to freelance, you realize that being self-employed is much harder than you thought. You were uncomfortable before, and now you’re still uncomfortable, just in a brand new way.

At the moment, you have an aversion to what’s least familiar. You may be pulling away from a new path because you’re not conditioned to it yet. Think about the discomfort on the other side, though. What did you leave behind? What did it feel like when you were at your old job? What would it be like to go back?

I did this a lot during my first few years of freelancing. I’d close my eyes and walk through a day at my old job. No matter how tough freelancing could be, I stayed so turned off to my ex-job that I would do anything it took to make this work. I replaced one aversion with another, opting for the one that pushed me forward instead of held me back.

Final Thoughts

Progress is a funny thing. You work for it and dream of it and put yourself through an array of uncomfortable moments to get there, and then you look back and some of those big, huge mountains seem so small now. The culmination of your efforts is impressive and you needed those smaller challenges to build up to a big payoff, but that doesn’t change the fact that they were small in the grand scheme of things. The discomfort you feel regarding the changes that seem insurmountable are going to feel like a whole lot of nothing at some point in the future. Face it head on so that you can barrel through it, smash your goals and set new ones.

Are you uncomfortable because you’re constantly comparing yourself with others? Here’s how to stop that right now.

The post How Sitting in Discomfort Can Push You to Do Your Best Work appeared first on Elegant Themes Blog.

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