#i am very tired of. the way people treat each other. the way people criticize each other

[eucharistcunningham]

so glad that eucharist is an oc and that there is not an insane fandom out there who sent the actress death threats bc she liked a ship she was part of that was close to being canon. sure glad that never happened huh

[archiveofliterature]

i see a lot of criticism about the friendships between the babel characters and how we were told a lot of things about their positive dynamic, yet shown barely any of it (but are instead mostly presented with the negative aspects). i don’t know if other people clocked this but i feel like it was intentional

rf kuang was commenting on friendships made through trauma-bonding: they were doomed from the start

tldr; the characterisation is (one of) the subtly(ies) people were looking for in the colonial theme. they criticise the latter but i love the fact colonialism is more of an upfront theme because lord knows i am tired of it being subtle so people can ignore it

robin says from the very beginning after they formed their little friend group:

“why had they been so quick, so carelessly eager to trust one another? why had they refused to see the myriad of ways they could hurt each other? why had they not paused to interrogate their differences in birth, in raising, that meant they were not and could never be on the same side?”

the next small paragraph goes into a raft metaphor about how they saw themselves in each other and that’s why they stuck together. they shared one thing they could not ignore – their otherness. their friendship was purely built on the fact they were discriminated against and that they had to spent the next 4 years with each other. their first pleasant conversation is them discussing how they were treated at oxford. of course, the characters didn’t see this because they had never really befriended people their age before. this feeling of belonging felt like love to them (considering their upbringings, ramy’s i will discuss in a bit)

it makes perfect sense why robin would repeatedly imply that they loved and cared about each other. in his eyes, they did. what was it they had if not love? robin, who has ignored so many problems in the past before babel as he knew it would cause him issues, wouldn’t address their friendship dynamic or how strong the arguments and animosity were. he, an abused child, would rather have this than nothing at all

in actuality (demonstrated, i think, through the photograph they took at the end of chapter 9), they were together because of academia’s and discrimination’s forced proximity. robin feels specific emotions about them that feel strong to him because he’s never experienced it before, but that doesn’t mean they are strong enough to keep them together, which is why when they see the photo, they feel weird about it because why isn’t it portraying their dynamic ‘correctly’?

it’s true that perhaps to get robin’s perspective across, it would’ve been good to see the positive aspects more but i think that would’ve made it harder for us to see how weak their friendship was. people wanted more positive to show that they loved each other, which isn’t the point rf kuang is trying to make

rf kuang chooses to show the negative aspects more because they show where their friendship will end up. when letty did what she did, i didn’t see it as a plot twist, i saw it as an inevitability. this was going to happen. honestly, i feel this with most of the ‘plot twists’ of babel except the end of book iii (i really didn’t see that coming). it was easy for letty to do what she does in book iv because their friendship had such unstable foundations. when they no longer benefitted her, she turned her back on them

the only dynamic i feel was actually strong was robin and ramy. i’m not just saying this because i think they’re queer lol. they were close not just because they were both men of colour and had similar upbringings – they actually liked each other. they admired each other and adored each other’s personalities, they bounced off each other and knew what the other meant when they spoke. when they argued, it was over something that actually considered each other’s beliefs and goals and desires, not over their differences.

(unlike letty and ramy, letty and victoire and maybe even robin and victoire, though i think they lean more to ramy/robin than they do to letty/anyone lol. ramy and victoire have a dynamic that i personally feel like robin didn’t really see because ramy understood victoire in a way robin couldn’t. you kind of see it when robin is the one who letty complains about ramy/victoire to, but that’s it i think?)

speaking of ramy, linking it back to their perspectives of love, it makes a lot of sense why he caused the most disruption in the friend group. he’s the only one with an actual family that he stays in touch with. he knows what love feels like. so of course he’s the one that is strongly anti-empire, compared to robin and victoire who have been emotionally manipulated in their childhood by said empire, the one who argues with letty the most. he still feels what robin and victoire feel, of course, but to a lesser extent

honestly i don’t know how to end this analysis, i just think rf kuang is a genius lmao but i may add more onto this as i continue to reread the book we shall see

[didi-champleve]

OK so it has come to my attention that I am *shock horror* finally just the teensiest bit ready to explore the prospect of romance again.

here's the catch: I'm - for want of a better word - yearning for the kind of romance that just happens. that wordless all knowing all encompassing stuff of novels love that I know is pretty silly and unattainable.

but it's not because I have my head in the clouds; it all boils down to a desperate need to feel the kind of wanted and desired that I don't or can't question.

I'm pretty scarred, a life time of feeling not enough for anyone will do that I guess. but I also think I'm pretty decent at working at getting better even if it's a tiny little bit at a time. so if I'm gonna be able to open myself up to anyone... I have some work to do.

First and foremost - being able to say what I want and need, without expecting the other person to 'just know'.

now this can be contentious... I've had so many people put me down for hoping beyond hope that they would try just that little bit more, understand the person I am, and use their observation and understanding of me to make me feel wanted and special and loved. I will never not want this. I try and do this for others and it really really hurts to not have someone understand or want to do this too without being asked. it's not a tit for tat thing... its just a... I want to be with someone who wants to make me happy just like I want to make them happy kind of thing.

but that aside... I'm gonna put a bunch of stuff down here. stuff that I find hard to say or ask. then I'm gonna bury it under a pile of smut and only have the link to it in my pinned.. because only someone who is interested in the cheesey and romantic comment should be reading this anyway.

I know that's not the solve. far from it... I know this isn't how relationships work... I know the likelihood of finding those right someone/s is slim. but it's a start of me accepting that I have to be able to share far more of these wants and needs if I'm ever going to have a shot at experiencing them with people.

OK so here goes.

First me...for context. I'm really kinda average and for the most part I like it that way. I sometimes oscillate between Holy fuck I am the TITS and wow what an awful excuse of a human being. I have a broken brain and that makes me sad sometimes. I'm passionate about some things, angry often about the world we live in, and am desperate to find 'home' and feel safe and whole and calm. I can be a little difficult for sure, I often think I'm right, I used to be smart and snippets of that remain, I love to cook and bake and share it with others because it's the easiest way to tell people they matter. I overthink because of anxiety but also because its safer than action. I don't like crying and I will hide it from you if I can. I like being creative but am my own harshest critic. I love my mum and if she doesn't like you it's going to be an issue. I have always always found it super hard to make close friends. I have a lot of good acquaintances but only a very small handful of friends. I will always struggle with my body. I am so tired of being strong... I just want to be treated gently.

I want... what I want has changed significantly over the years. I have had 3 significant relationships and they each had their drama and learnings. but these are things that I have always and think I will always want...

I want to be asked. I find it so hard to share unprompted. People think I'm quiet but the second someone is clearly interested and asks and allows me a little space I will talk and share and it will make me feel even more excited to ask you back. I want to share myself so much..and I want you to care when I do. I can also be kinda funny, no promises but if our humour matches I will do everything I can to make you giggle.

I want to be touched just coz. that whole 'touch is a love language' yeah you need to be fluent. I want that - we're sitting on the train together and your arm is around me but without thinking your hand wanders to find that little soft spot behind my ear caressing it and down my neck just because...yaknow? that... all you are doing is scooching past me to grab something but you're gonna take the opportunity to squeeze my butt just coz.

whilst I come across as sex obsessed its because I kinda am. I love sex. all aspects of it though. I know once some people get into relationships this can plateau. but if I'm horny for you likelihood is I'm gonna keep being horny for you... I need someone who is the same. it is heartbreaking when libido doesn't match...and no I'm not saying like every single time has to be a 100% match... we're people not sex dolls. but generally it's gotta be more rather than less

OK this one is gonna seem materialistic... but.. flowers.. pressies.. thoughtful dates.. yeah I love all that kinda thing. it shouldn't be just for occasions - birthdays, anniversaries... i hope it's more like - I needed to make you smile today. I saw this and thought of you. I saw this activity and wanted to do this with you. I knew this would make you happy... and yes absolutely I want to do the same for you. and it's not about money I swear... it could be a little unexpected note, it could be finishing xyz extra fast because you wanted to spend extra time with me. I think this one comes down to actions do often speak a hella lot louder than words.

the last one (for now, there may be more I have to add as edit we'll see) is a bit weird. I may... need you to fight for me a little... against my own stupid brain and tendency to self sabotage. this is bad I know and the one on here I know I really really need to work on... but I may put up a barrier, just to see if you want me enough to over come it. its the most frustrating awful thing. but at least I'm aware of it 🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

welp... that was kinda cathartic to write out.

next step... I'm probs gonna redownload one of the dating apps... and change the 'absolutely casual only thank you' to 'maybe, just maybe'

wish me luck?

✨🫣✨

[lappel-du-vide83]

Also getting back to the manhwas train I finally read debut or die which was?? Not at all like I was expecting?? But anyways, here are just my reactions (often kinda random) but I hope you read through and can figure out what's going on while finding it funny!

Also don't ask me which chapter it starts at because brother in arms I don't know either

EUGENE IS SO FUNNY

[VTIC Cheongryeo sunbae-nim: Call me if you feel like dying ^^]

- LMFAOOOO what

didn’t know where this dogsh*t idea came from. Does his pituitary produce saliva instead of hormones? It was fortunate that he was the type to be impressed by trivial interpersonal relationships.

- woah what went straight for the jugular

I never thought that the situation where I cried for the first time in nearly 7 years would be live in front of a camera with 13,000 people.

- AND AIN'T AFRAID TO CRY

- OR TREAT HIS MAMA RIGHT

“You didn’t have a trashy attitude back then, Moondae. You just worked hard even though you were sick. Chungwoo hyung was worried too.”

- Oml

[We have to lose!]

- Bless cha Eugene's heart

-- HE'S SAYING IT IN ENG

Hey, that’s scary. I’m scared.’

- Behold the intelligence of mcs

The company’s internal network structure is derived from T1.’

- HOLY SHIT THIS GUY'S DEDUCTING SKILLS IS CRAZY

- Have you considered a career in

- Forensic?

He also gave very American advice.

- LMFAO

I cheered as I reviewed the ten-day seclusion plan.

- FR

- secluded for 10 days sounds like the DREAM

‘I am so f*cking uncomfortable with it, you bastard.’

- Leave the poor man alone 😭

-- Is this..?

-- THE KIDNAPPING???

(- WHAT

Why don’t you try to commit suicide?”

- CRAZY BASTARD

-- He is now the kidnapper

--- Kidnappee turn kidnapper

Because I beat the sh*t out of him.”

- Amen

It’s okay. I won.”

- HELL YEAH YOU DID

The fact that I was injured enough to go to the hospital was funnier.

- WHAT STOP

- HE COLLAPSED

- WTF

- PLS REST

--

HE'S ACTUALLY SO MANIPULATIVE

-- USING THE SKILL

-- SUBTLY CHANGING THEIR THOUGHTS IT'S CRAZY

---

DO YOU REALLY WANNA WORK THAT HARD

Arent you drinking too much

- ONG was not expecting this to actually be a problem

You look tired these days!”

- OMG HE _IS_ AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR

--

Oh no he got a SURPRISE BDAY PARTY

-- Woah so his actual one is 8 dec??

-- That's awfully close

---

WATCHING RED PANDAS IN THE CORNER OF HIS ROOM

--- SAUR CUTE

----

HIS GRANDMA IS AN OPP

---- I'M SORRY IT'S REALLY MEAN BUT GET IT TOGETHER GIRL

---- OMG CHA YUJIN INSISTING THAT HE STAY

---- URGHHH MY HEART

Self criticism should be done during spare time not when it's a nuisance

- I respect this man so much

like a brainless idiot

- STOP

- YOU ARE SMART

- AND AMAZING

- YOU JUST GIVE 200% AT THE WRONG TIMES

--

AW OMG HE CARES SO MUCH

-- BLESS RAEBIN

-- EVERYONE ACTUALLY

-- THEY ARE THERE FOR EACH OTHER SO MUCH

- - -

Woah wait so they're aiming for a Moondae is the the same person as bae sejin feel??

--- I am INVESTED in the mv lore

It doesn't matter if it was worse this time

- NO

- IT'S ALREADY SO BAD

- THE RECOIL SHOULD NOT GET WORSE

- THAT'S RIGHT SLEEP MORE

- JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE BACCHUAS DOESN MEAN YOU DONT NEED SLEEO

--

OH NO

-- THE ACCIDENT

-- STOP

-- ARGHHH

-- WILL YOU REST PLEASE

-- OH THANK FUCK

---

WAIT

--- NO

--- NONONONO

--- STOP

--- NOT ALLT HE WAY BACK

--- Daydream??

( how desparate he is)

- OH MY FUCKING GOD

- SHOULD I JUMP OFFF

- NO

- OMG

- NO

--

OMG THIS REALISATION is Tearing me APART

rapid prayers in spanish

- the angst here is killing me

--

THANK GOD FOR NECTAR

-- 18 DAY COMA

OMFG

-- CHA YUJIN IS SAUR CUTE

-- BRIBED HIM WITH TANGEIRNES

-- HE'S SORRY

-- HE IS FORGIVEN

-- CHA YUJIN KEEPING QUIET ABOUT VTIC

-- AND BLACKMAILING MOONDAE

-- SO ADORABLE

---

FUNDRAISING

--- He's actually so sweet

--- PLS EVERYONE WAS CRYING

"do you think I'm some kind of sociopath"

- SEJIN NO

- THEYRE FRIENDS <333

- PLEASE I NEED THEM TO BE HAPPY

--

So the system is actively trying to help him??

---

TSRANDED ARC!!

--- Lights out :0

--- SAVE THE CHICKENS

--- The secret door is so ominous

--- Horror arc

--- OMG MOONDAE GOING wtf do I do??

--- SO REALL

--- WAS SO SCARED FOR A SECOND

----

THE MEETING

---- OMG

---- OMG

---- OMG

---- OMG

---- AHHHHHH

---- DID HE RUN AWAY???

---- I'M SO CONFUSED

---- BUT RGW IN THIS CONTEXT IS SO SWEET

HE TRIED TO COMMIT DEATH

- WHAT

- WHAT THE FUCK

- HUH

- IT ENDED LIKE THAT????

- No more abnormalities???

- WHAT

--

:OO A CONVO WITH OG PMD

Ah the need to be in control of every situation

- So valid

AND THEN MY TEXTS JUST END THERE SO...

anyways hope you had a laugh

And I really hope this fandom gets so much bigger than it is now :)

[kozachenko]

Some thoughts on some of the newest CDS chapters below the read more tag for spoiler's sake, since I have read the newest one and have some thoughts

As flawed as Cheating Detective Satori is, one thing I will give it is how it shows the reactions of the spirits and Youkai living in Former Hell to the whole "sealing it up" thing. While I was initially annoyed about the whole "sealing former Hell" thing, I feel like the newer chapters have kinda made the whole thing make more sense, especially in the newest one where Parsee mentions how in the case of a vengeful spirit making too much trouble, Former Hell is just gonna seal right back up and become Hell again, which is a system that has been around since Former Hell was established. I think what this little addition does well is that in retrospect it makes the whole decision of sealing up Former Hell make a bit more sense. Also, the mystery that the latest chapter left off with (Parsee's realization that Former Hell must have been sealed from the outside) is really interesting, and had that bit of realization not been included by Parsee, it probably would've been a major plot hole that Parsee's tunnel also got plugged up when the whole system was made years ago when Former Hell was first established. Also, would Parsee know who Mizuchi is? Or have at least heard of her? Or is Mizuchi kind of treated like an SCP in Former Hell and is kept a secret from everyone else, even though in the earliest chapters of CDS, Satori mentions that Mizuchi has been a bit of a problem before, and Yuugi also knows her sooooo is this a writing mistake or intentional? Although there are a lot of vengeful spirits in Former Hell so knowing who each and every single one is is probably giving the denizens of Former Hell a bit too much credit lol. But still, Mizuchi seems to maybe be a more well known vengeful spirit so I'm still a bit confused on that, or maybe it could just be as simple as Parsee having never met Mizuchi when counseling vengeful spirits.

Maybe certain people aren't allowed to even see Mizuchi since they could be prime targets for her to possess people and escape. Which could also be related to the reason why she escaped in the first place, maybe she possessed someone with a grudge against Reimu or anyone in the Hakurei bloodline and used them to get out of Former Hell?

Also, when you think about that and the fact that Zanmu is the one who proposed the move, it gave me the headcanon that Zanmu also put that system in place since she wouldn't just leave it carelessly unattended. Since it's in her character to think ahead and meticulously plan things, why wouldn't she put this safety measure in place?

Utsuho and Koishi were also really good in this chapter, and Utsuho's title is so fucking good, I love it. Koishi also trying to get the other vengeful spirits to chill out is also a fun detail. Her point about the vengeful spirits not even being allowed to leave regardless is also something interesting to think about. Though it is explained in the manga that the vengeful spirits just needed a reason to attack, the idea of someone getting mad about the loss of a freedom that they would normally never use is very interesting to me.

When the manga is finished I'm most likely gonna do a full review on it, since my last one had way too much swearing and I was also really tired and wanted to sleep and I am just overall not happy with it. Plus, the manga seems like it's starting to get better, and with ZUN himself saying that he's aware of the criticism towards CDS, I'm gonna stay optimistic with this manga. Also, it would be really interesting to see how the people in New Hell react to the restoration of Former Hell, especially Zanmu due to how important she is in the actual creation of Former Hell, although a small part of me thinks that she would just go, "not my Hell, not my problem" and leave it at that, the other part of me thinks that would maybe be a little out of character for her. Like, I don't think she'd be panicking, but at the same time she's not gonna treat it like a non-issue. Though that could just be me since I like Zanmu a lot lol.

All in all, just a lot to think about with this new chapter.

[prettyboykatsuki]

may i pick ur brain wrt something? you write such a large variety of characters and i think you have great skill in following through with a character's characterization (lol) to their sexual life. i was wondering what do you choose to focus on or how you approach figuring out a character's sexual style (?) when you write? im pretty new to writing smut (i write in general but i usually just fade to black) and im having trouble translating a character's neurosis into sexual acts, particularly when you move beyond the vanilla missionary etc sex (which im not particularly interested in writing even tho i think it can be emotionally poignant in its own right).

what i have most trouble with is like figuring out if a certain act fits character a or character b in my ensemble, say, and then moving through with that. i've been trying to approach it like fighting styles bc of the character's physicality, but there are certain temperamental and moral tensions informing fighting in particular (as a deliverance of violence, i mean) that make it hard for me to pinpoint how to translate that to sex without it feeling shoehorned. for example (and this is just for reference), i have a character who's like a gunslinger and whose style is very explosive and wild and a little bit cocky, but when u look at it under the microscope, his approach is polished and precise and meticulous. and THEN his internality is of a young man with a lot of anger and stunted growth, who really just wants acceptance and affection deep down, and who is so very tired. now i can translate each of those things and its combinations a hundred thousand ways, but which is correct? or faithful to him? at one point it all seems unfathomable to me. and then bc i can't make up my mind i fear everything i write ends up being too plain, or ill-fitting, and because my cast is large, it also all ends up feeling too same-y. has this ever been an issue for you?

first of all - i want to say thank you for entrusting and believing in my writing abilities enough to want to pick my brain about this. i'm not entirely sure what the appeal of my writing is to other people (not in a negative way but more in that its my own stuff so im always critical of it) but i put forth a lot of thought in characterization and translating that into sex as i am primarily a smut writer so while im not the most confident u should come to me for advice, im deeply flattered and will do my best anyway

i'll be real though, the best advice is genuinely just not to overthink it and go with your gut. have some faith in your own writing voice and ideas etc. but anyway

there are a lot of layers to this question and i'll do my best to go through it bit-by-bit. and i don't know if this will really help you since it might come off vague

if i can offer you any advice on characterizing well in a smut scene, it's to not view the smut as a separate entity to your work but as an integral part of it's infrastructure. do not treat the smut scene as part of the work, but as a pillar of it.

the other thing is understanding what is personally compelling to u or arousing about this characters storyline or personality. and not arousing as in physical lust, but what concepts tickle you and make you want to write.

the truth is there's no objectively correct way to characterize a character especially if they're nuanced and complex. which is why all writing is subjective in a sense.

ultimately, it's your job as the author to choose what characterization you like best and convince the audience it's the correct one.

for example, the character you're describing is multifaceted. there are several ways you can take the direction of the story

their outward persona is being a cocky gunslinger who is inwardly polished, meticulous, sensitive and tired. all of these traits can be expanded upon into sexual acts based on your will as the writer - so you have to ask yourself, what aspect of this character is the most arousing to you as a writer or what is this sex scene intending to display about a character. what trait of theirs are you hoping to highlight through sex?

to translate these things into sex gets really tricky and is honestly something you have to experiment with until you feel it click.

for me - if i were attempting to write this character, the breakdown process would look something like this.

this character has a personality gap of being a cocky gunslinger but is actually polished and meticulous

this means they they are likely concerned with appearances.

something in their past must've brought them to that conclusion. if they are continuing to outwardly project themselves as a reckless gunslinger - it is is likely not their "true" self.

what would make a character with this many defense show their true selves, or what other characters cause this character to demonstrate to their true selves?

the translation process of eroticism can go in a hundred different languages. if i personally were writing this character, i might pair them with an older mentor type of character, or a nonchalant rival. i might put them in a situation that requires a different kind of vulnerability and forces them to expose some of their nature for the sake of their ideals

as an author, im aroused by the idea of them showing their submission and affectionate side. trying to subconsciously appeal to authority figures might be interesting if i'm trying to demonstrate their lack of validation. the opposite can also be true, that a character like this might resent mentor / authority figures that impede their own ideas and trying to highlight their anger. writing this gunslinger lashing out at a fellow gunslinger they respect can easily be turned into erotica.

you could pair this character with a nonchalant rival type. a direct opposite that challenges a characters morals ideological belief or perhaps - understands them through their differences. this rival character pays enough attention to the gunslinger to know that they are polished and special. while they are rivals, there's something legitmate in their dynamic to this sensitive, tired character who puts up a facade and wants to be understood.

your own arousal as an author comes in here and where you have to make choices.

lets say then, i go with the latter. i would then structure the story or chapter around this idea through by demonstrating the push and pull of their relationship. i would subvert this characters personality through the framework of submission and a desire for acceptance. i'd write the erotica about the slow crescendo to sex with their rival who seems to accept them fully. i'd write about their different meetings, choosing small things to represent larger themes. maybe their rival praises their technique or offers them a listening ear. i use those small moments to build up to the intimacy and weave the erotic stuff into the story itself so when the sex comes it feels gratifying and releases tension (lol)

for the actual sex stuff you just have to go with your gut and distinguish things based on what traits you're showing. maybe this characters need for affection and rest makes them a whiny bottom. as a writer, i'd monopolize that. i'd point out their eagerness to please through desperation like kissing or nuzzle, and i'd have their words contradict their actions to display their personality gap etc

for me being structured around erotica means going through that kind of mental process and and building a story framework from the ground up and aiming for a proper sex scene. the erotica process is weaved into the plot mechanisms, the metaphors, the stories ideology. the smut is the point, and every action is central to emphasizing what is going to end up happening. my better examples of this lately are probably uncle sukuna rip

ive been writing smut for long enough now that i do not struggle with it and it's easy for me to come up with a unique character voice and do all the above sort of automatically in my mind. and i know it can feel intimidating.

the best advice i can give you though again is don't overthink it which ik seems contradictory to all of the above advice. but sometimes you just have to let yourself go with the flow and believe in your own abilities. trust your gut and just shoot straight ahead.

i hope this was bale to help u some!!

[achairwithapandaonit]

20 questions for writers

tagged by @aobawilliams ! (thank you!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44 (that's a lot!)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 212,262

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for quite a lot of fandoms but I think currently I'm only writing for One Piece and Black Butler. I used to write quite a bit for my hero academia, but the hyperfixation passed a long time ago. And I think no matter how much time passes I'll always be up for writing for detective conan/magic kaito.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Villain? Gamer? Why not both? (4803 kudos)

Shouta's Guide to House-training Two Idiots (2178 kudos)

Two Weeks (1191 kudos)

Accidental Kidnappings and Semi-purposeful Hostage Situations (1084 kudos)

The Wake-up Call (1082 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to, but I don't anymore. I can take things very personally and I'd posted a fic where someone didn't agree with my characterisation of one of the characters and told me this in the comments. I didn't take it well and argued with them, and now that kind of embarrasses me (though, tbh I'd be embarrassed myself if I commented on someone's fic without being asked for feedback in a way that was critical to their approach to a character. Sometimes fanfic just isn't for you and you should leave others alone and let them do their thing).

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's probably The Stranger (Mob Psycho 100 fic)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmmm i mean, the thing is, my fics rarely end. so i don't really know...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got a proper hate comment once. it was really funny. they didn't mention anything critical of my writing and just told me it was shit and that i'm too old to write like that (i doubt they knew hold old i am?? i don't put my age online anymore). i assume i made them mad on tumblr so they decided to try and make my day bad?? but i just found it funny.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Sometimes I think it would be fun to write smut just to try something new but then I realise I don't enjoy writing about sex and don't have any ideas unless they're funny crack treated seriously ones.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

@aobawilliams and I have a shared bnha/detective conan crossover we were planning to write maybe a couple years agonow. we never got round to it tho cause aha writing hard :')

i did have a dream where ciel phantomhive got yeeted into the one piece world tho and that was fun. only problem is i think it'd be VERY hard to write something like that. very funny tho. he would hate every second of his forced one piece holiday

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think I've had a couple people pop up in dms to ask to translate my fics before. I've never seen the supposed translated fics tho (not that I'd be able to read them).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

aoba and I have several co-owned wips that likely won't ever see the light of day cause writing is hard and we are very very tired.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't really have a favourite. I just have ones I think are funny or interesting to explore.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ughhh too many. idek.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told my character dialogue is quite good?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually having to write ):

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't really like it cause I have no idea what's being said and am too lazy to look up a translation, but to each their own.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I have this very old very embarrassing memory of writing tsubasa chronicle/tokyo babylon crossover fanfic for my english class homework as an 11 or 12 year old. i think they got ice cream.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'm not sure. Maybe The Ceiling of the World (black butler) just cause I've wanted to write black butler fanfic for years and never finished any other wip. Otherwise it'd probably be one of the bnha wips I never finished (there was this time travel one that made me go insane. now that I'm thinking about it I REALLY need to finish it) and uploaded or Permanent Membership Guaranteed (bnha)

not tagging anyone but if u want you can take this as a go ahead to do it.

[coldresolve]

yeah, nah, fuck it. im sharing this post and then i'm just gonna link to it whenever it becomes relevant.

every disagreement i have with yall always comes back to me phrasing things in a way that sounds mean. always, always. like duh, i dont try to sugarcoat how i see things, i have realized that, in fact i do it on purpose. why? well.

i come from a culture where it's often interpreted as deceitful and/or shallow to sandwich your point in with superficial courtesy. if you spend too much time packing your point in with whatever you think will make it easier to swallow, people will start to feel like you're infantalizing them, or straight up wasting their time. being direct and honest from the get-go is seen as a sign of respect - yes, even if what you're saying could easily be interpreted as rude. say what you think, say exactly how you feel, and we'll take it from there. that kinda thing.

when i say an opinion or criticise something on here, i am treating you, the reader, like someone who is smart enough to understand the gist of my argument without being bogged down by its delivery, mature enough to recognize the difference between criticism of your work (or general trends) and criticism of you as a person, and emotionally well-adjusted enough to not pin your self-worth on the negative opinions some random guy on the internet might have of something you do/create/like.

i am showing you respect by talking to you as if you are an adult who can deal with what i might have to say. if you're not, and you can't, i expect you to have the wherewithall to not engage with me. i could at the very least respect that. alternatively, you're also welcome to disagree with my points, obviously. i'm always up for a good discussion.

but you responding to criticism like mine with defensiveness, affront, or worse, the idea that you're now justified to go after the criticiser as a person, only comes across to me like immaturity, self-consciousness, self-importance, and in some cases - deliberate or not - obtusiveness. see how that cultural divide can go both ways?

we're probably not gonna find common ground here. i'm tired of being interpreted as aggressive all the time, but i have no intention of conforming to the american ideal of social courtesy, because it makes me feel shallow, disingenuous and fake. meanwhile, you're probably not gonna be able to hear me speak without shaking the knee-jerk feeling that i'm purposefully ignoring the sensitivity of others (because objectively, i am).

so do we chuck the whole thing up to different culturally determined approaches to communicating our ideas? can we keep a shred of respect and mutual understanding and leave it at that?

or are you gonna insist that i'm immoral/rude/aggressive/callous/antagonistic/attacking people/etc, for voicing my own opinions, in my own way, on my own blog - in which case i, in turn, will feel perfectly content to just consider you an inherently silly person?

as far as i can tell, it's one or the other.

(also please please recognize the difference between using culture as an excuse, and pointing out a very real cultural divide that influences both how i communicate and how you interpret how i communicate. my point is that we're gonna keep talking past each other unless we adress the fact that we approach communication with very different goals in mind, mine being effectiveness and honesty and yours being courtesy and social sensitivity. i am also not saying that either one of these is "the right way" to communicate. don't read shit into my takes that isn't there to begin with. thx)

[twistsandtwizzles]

I Watched So You Don't Have To: Stars on Mars

You may have seen that Adam Rippon is one of the cast members on the new FOX reality show, Stars on Mars. I knew this information but had no plans to watch this show, until this week when I needed to turn something on tv that would take up 5% of my brain power or less. And this fit the brief exactly.

In case you are also mildly interested in what this weird show is about and what Adam is doing on it, but don't want to let it take up even 3% of your brain power, don't worry, I am here for you! Read on for a recap of Stars on Mars: Episode 1.

We open on William Shatner very dramatically telling us that twelve celebrities are going to participate in an “experiment” to find out if they can “survive life on Mars” (aka a month somewhere in Australia). The winner will earn the title of Brightest Star in the Galaxy and this made me laugh out loud because that’s it? They don’t even get any money? Just a title that is also found on a fourth grade science fair participation trophy?

Anyway, Shatner - who has very clearly not gone to Australia and is recording this somewhere in his house - tells us that this simulation will be 24 days long, and will show us which celebrities are the strongest, the brightest, the bravest, and who can handle the stress when the food runs out. We’re treated to a compilation of clips during this portion, then Shatner says, “This is: Starsssssss on Marssssssss” and the way I typed this quote does not do it justice.

We’re now introduced to the astronauts as they trudge across the surface of “Mars” into the “Hab” where they will be living. The first astronaut is Christopher Mintz-Plasse, aka McLovin’ from Superbad, and we cut to a talking head where Christopher says he’s been called McLovin for 16 years and is kind of tired of it; unfortunately for him it is what I will call him for the entirety of this recap.

We get a tour of the hab, which basically looks like every space movie you’ve ever seen, and we are introduced to the lady-voiced-AI thing that is going to be the main communication tool/voice-over element on this show. McLovin marvels that “a lot of money went into this” which, I’m not sure I agree, but okay.

Next in the hab: Ronda Rousey, “Champion Fighter” followed closely by Tom Schwartz from Vanderpump Rules who the VO tells us is “currently known for Scandavol.” Full disclosure that I have only ever seen five minutes of VPR so this man is a complete stranger to me - but I do live in the culture enough to know that his name is “Schwartz” and not “Tom.” Schwartz explains his show to McLovin, boiling it down to “people work in a bar and have sex with each other.” McLovin says, “Well, we’re not doing that here. I don’t think.”

Next up: Tallulah Willis, “Daughter of Bruce and Demi” and Adam Rippon, “Olympic Figure Skater” and the entire reason I’m even watching this show. Then Porsha Williams Guobadia, “Real Housewife” and another complete stranger to me (look, how can I find time for Bravo reality shows when I have to watch old figure skating programs on YouTube?); Tinashe, “R&B Recording Artist” who I know mostly as a regular Who? Weekly subject; Ariel Winter, “Award-Winning Actor from Modern Family” (she was the middle child); Marshawn Lynch & Richard Sherman, “Teammates and NFL Legends” who are introduced as a unit but it is unclear if they are playing as a team or not; and Lance Armstrong, “Cyclist” and look, I am not happy about his presence either.

Lance is greeted warmly by everyone in the room and Ariel gives a talking head geeking out about how Lance is a real astronaut. She makes the mistake of mentioning this to Porsha who does not appear to correct her. Unknown if Porsha was just trying not to embarrass Ariel, or if she has no idea who Lance Armstrong is either and thinks he could plausibly be an astronaut.

Shatner sends a message to the celebs explaining that every 48 hours a celebrity who is not “mission critical” will be “extracted” (he then helpfully clarifies that this just means “sent home”). He also explains that the “Base Commander” is the most powerful role in the hab as the commander is basically in charge of everything, and the commanders will be re-appointed every two days.

The celebs are instructed to select a Base Commander and we get our very first Adam Rippon Talking Head! Adam explains that everyone is figuring each other out and that no one wanted to be the first base commander. We cut to the celebs desperately pointing at each other and trying to peer pressure others into the role. Then they are informed that the Base Commander gets their own room, and Roger nominates Marshawn, who was worried about fitting into his bunk earlier. Marshawn accepts.

The first mission for the astronaut celebrities: to rescue their 12th crewmember who is trapped in a pod on the surface. Marshawn sends Lance and Ronda out for the rescue while the rest of the crew watches their progress via monitor. Adam excitedly says of the outdoor footage, “Oh my god, it looks like Mars,” and again, I’m not sure I agree, but I’m happy that he’s happy.

To no one’s surprise the rescue mission is successful and completely lacking in any kind of drama. Natasha Leggero, “Comedian,” is the final celebrity to join the hab.

Marshawn is instructed to divide the daily task list. He sends Porsha and Tallulah to sort the foods and rations (Lady Hab Voice pops up to note that there will be no resupply of the rations during their stay and I'm sure this will be a major issue later in the series).

After a few shots of people doing their assigned tasks we cut to Adam, finally, since he is the only part of the show I care about. He and Ariel are dusting “the patches” which are basically Mars-themed Scout badges. Adam Talking Heads that he assumes the patches are probably something they will earn on missions throughout the show. It is unclear if the show thinks this is some sort of amazingly smart deduction on Adam’s part or if it, like me, assumes that Adam has watched a reality competition show at least once in his life and simply took the very tiny step needed to reach this conclusion.

Adam tells Ariel that he actually loves cleaning and organizing, and she excitedly says she does too. Adam asks, with true joy in his eyes, if she likes folding things. She says laundry is her favorite. I do not understand these people.

We cut between some other small talk and talking heads. Marshawn and Lance argue about who is more of an athlete, and how Marshawn did not throw Lance’s doping in his face during this conversation I will truly never know.

Adam has clearly been tasked by production to explain the basics of this game in his talking heads, because he again tells us that they are “trying to figure each other out and learning to work together” since “that will be important the longer they stay in the game.”

A bunch of snippets of general “get to know you” convos: the group chats about how famous Tallulah’s parents are; Porsha and Natasha chat about their kids; Lance and Marshawn and Ronda chat about sports again; Lance feels weird about sharing a bathroom; Ariel admits to Porsha and Tinashe that she has confused Lance with Neil Armstrong. Then everyone goes to bed. Natasha says, “Goodnight honey,” to Adam and it makes sense those two would be fast friends.

An alarm goes off in the middle of the night and Shatner appears to tell them that “Martian Dust” is headed their way and has already knocked their comms satellite over. They need to go repair it, and if they do it they will earn a patch. Everyone seems totally wowed by this patch information so maybe we were supposed to think that Adam was a genius earlier.

Tallulah is chosen to be a mission specialist and is staying behind with Marshawn while everyone heads to the surface. “Let’s save this satellite!” Adam says. He looks great in this space suit.

Adam’s talking head is back with more general reality show basics, namely that even though they are stressed about this mission they have to focus and do a good job, because ultimately “the name of the game is that someone has to go home.”

The celebs walk out into a windstorm and Tallulah and Marshawn direct the crew in repairing the satellite. Adam says that “this is not what (he) signed up for” but Adam, I’m pretty sure it is. 

Once again this mission is successful and not all that dramatic, even as all the celebs tell us how stressed they all are and how hard this was. (Assembling an Ikea dresser looks far more difficult than this satellite repair job.) Natasha does say at one point that she was trying to stay out of the way in the “loser area” along with McLovin and Adam. 

McLovin says he thinks they all would have died if it was really Mars, and I suppose this statement is technically true but also it’s kind of like when I cut through an empty parking lot after my driver’s test and the examiner said, “if there were cars here you’d be running them over right now.” I would not have done that if there were cars there?? And these people would not be asked to repair a satellite on actual Mars. Anyway.

Marshawn and Tallulah are told to identify the three astronauts least critical to mission success. This is revealed by Marshawn calling the “Mission Critical” celebrities one-by-one back into the hab and handing them - hold onto your hats because none of us saw this prize coming - a patch.

The three least mission critical celebrities: Adam, McLovin, and Schwartz. McLovin says, “aw man, the three fragile white boys!” as they give each other a group hug. They are then each asked to explain to the Mission Critical celebs why they should stick around. 

McLovin says he didn’t participate in the mission because he was removing himself from the situation since there were too many people trying to do the job.

Adam says he’s mission critical because he’s one of the hottest people there and “I think that’s important for any kind of challenge that we do. I’m just being honest.” This earns a big laugh and applause from the already-safe crew, and someone says, “He’s right!” LOL.

Schwartz reminds them all that he was the one that actually made a major repair on the satellite and the group immediately says, “oh yeah” and lets him into the hab. He gives Adam a big hug and assures him, “You are very hot.”

So that leaves Adam and McLovin as our bottom two. The group decides that Adam is more mission critical than McLovin, which means our favorite Olympic-figure-skater-turned-astronaut gets let back into the hab, and that I have to watch this show for another week.

McLovin wanders to the extraction point and gives an exit interview from the suddenly calm Mars surface without his space helmet on, and it’s hilarious how soon after elimination the faux-Mars premise is dropped.

Tune in next week (or don’t) for some arguing and more “space” adventures that appear to include a fire in the hab and something to do with a bunch of water on the Mars surface that I have many questions about! The previews indicate that Adam will eventually get a headset to lead a mission at some point, so we'll how that goes. See you next time.

[sublimepenguinpeach-blog]

Title It must be nice to be a Grisha. Chapter 1

Nikolai is not introduced in this chapter just to warn you.

She was tired of this… the fold, the darkling (no matter how attractive he is, men who believe that it’s okay to force themselves onto someone even if they say no … all of it. The only thing good that came out of all of this was meeting and becoming friends with Alina Starkov who she met in the Keramzin orphanage. Both my parents were killed by the darkling since they were one of the few people who had the guts to attempt to go through it. There’s no physical proof that they’re are dead but it’s quite obvious they are because I know that they would have came back for me and the likelihood of them not being killed by volcra (the darkling’s beasts that he put there to ensure that no one could ever go back to their old homes). The woman who ran the orphanage didn’t hold a high opinion of me at least that’s what I gathered when she repeatedly called me weird/eccentric with disdain clear in her voice and told one of the other adults saying “you need to watch out for that girl, she’s not like the others.”

flashback to the year, 2005

I remember the day so clearly as if it was only yesterday. I arrived at the orphanage at the age of 5. All of the other orphans gathered together outside to see who was the new unfortunate soul that would have to stay there but they soon lost interest when they noticed that I was shy and had a hard time meeting their eyes as they continued to ask me various questions like “how did your parents die, why are you refusing to look at us in the eye, and are you usually like this?” The only one who never treated me like I was nothing was Alina. Instead one day, she had just came up to me and just talked to me about her old home, including her parents, and the things she knows are happening outside of Keramzin after overhearing one of the adults quietly talk about it or rather thinking that they were talking quietly.

“We must be friends!” You’re about the only person I can talk to about this stuff with besides Mal.”

I nervously laughed at that and agreed with the shake of the hand but she moved my hand away and instead hugged me which was an odd gesture I thought because the only people who ever hugged me at the time were my parents. Alina let go after a minute realizing my uncomfortableness and then rambled on to talk about the next thing that was on her mind. I have a feeling that before coming here, she didn’t get to talk to very many people who were her age unlike me where I always had to attempt to interact with people who were my age because my mom wanted me to improve my social skills and she thought that the best way to do that was drop me off at this daycare every day while she saved lives. My dad and I weren’t close like my mom and I. We frequently fought over everything. Sometimes these fights weren’t so bad just some yelling coming from the both of us mainly him at first. The worst fights were when he would bring up my insecurities which worsened them and he would also say that I was an ungrateful child etc. There were some good moments but I remember more of the bad moments than the good. My mom had told me repeatedly that my dad did love me but I just couldn’t see that since all he would do is criticize me and make fun of my insecurities which makes it seem like he really dislikes me. The last day I saw my dad was a few before leaving with my mother to try to get our old home back. He told me to be good and that they would be back as soon as they can. He kissed my forehead and went out of the door with my mom. My mom briefly turned back her head to look at me and for a brief second I thought I saw tears forming.

A few months after arriving, these men came to evaluate each of us to see if we were Grisha which I suppose I will never know if I am or not because before they called my name, Alina grabbed my hand and ran. “Why are we running?” Are the men really that bad?” I mean they sure at doing very good in the look department, I will tell you that.”

“Y/N, that’s not why we are running. The reason we are running is because I don’t want to be tested.” Alina sighed and stopped running to catch her breath. “Is it because you’re Grisha?” “You know I am sure it’s not a bad thing to be Grisha in fact I bet it’s really cool being a Grisha since you got to have a specific power that you can use whenever you want and the greatest thing about it is that there are others like you who have the same power as you.”

“I am sorry for rambling but you know me, talk first and ask questions later actually scratch that it’s the complete opposite.” “Ask questions first then talk incessantly.”

Y/N, I am afraid that I could be Grisha even the possibility of being one scares me. “Do you know how hated Grisha are by most of the world especially here?!” She runs her fingers through her hair and gently grabs ahold of both of my shoulders. “We must escape because I fear that it won’t just be me who will be taken away but also you because it’s just as likely for you to have powers too.”

A hearty laugh escaped from her mouth. “Oh god, why are you laughing, what did I say now.”

Don’t worry Alina, you didn’t say anything wrong but I do find it funny that you think that there is a huge chance of both of us being Grisha because at the end of the day, I believe that they had it all wrong. You are special, you’re the one people need to keep a watch on and you will be the only person who comes out of here who will you know be something. I just have this feeling that you will, don’t ask me why because frankly I can’t think of a solid answer for that at the moment.”

Alina laughed at that. “Okay then, let’s go back and get this over with. She once again grabs my hand and we are heading back to the direction of the orphanage. Little did Y/N know that she was right, Alina was special.

She’s the sun summoner..

To be continued

[nep-razak]

I Invest My Life In You

Your words are miraculous, I hear she says. Your envies are ridiculous, I hear she says. Your worries are superstitious, I hear she says. Your thinking are dangerous, I hear she says.

I nod.

Don't get me wrong, it just, maybe I am too ambitious, me says. Or perhaps too cautious, me says. Note, I speak in silent.

How do you want me to be, she says.

We are living in two different world. Apparently, after months of dating, we realize that we only share the passion -- the only thing that bonds us together. The temperature is always high, as she hardly think us as an item, or maybe I am alone have that kind of sight.

You are too critical, she says. I can't match with your faculty of thought, she says. And I'm still young, she says. Not as old as you, she says.

Yes, I am older than she is. Six years to be exact.

She is stepping on my past life trail and I am well awared about the challenges --- the all-I-want-to-do-and-change bull shit thing when I was at her age.

I'm afraid of many things, me says. Losing the one I love the most once again is on the top of it, me says. Note, I speak in silent.

You are insecure, too insecure, she says. Too insecure.

You don't believe in me, she says.

Well, I've been into many relationships from time to time and they didn't work out as planned. Eventually, I found a pattern -- a stigmatic judgment -- a simple non-mathematical equation to justify the level of affection. This mechanism designs me to be very discreet and careful towards a simple or even a slight change in voice, tone, dressing, appearance, treat, and gesture of my partner.

I hate it when someone labels me with something that I am not. And it doubles up when the one you admire, says it.

But anger doesn't solve problems, it is more likely fuel for fire. I don't want to add up more energy for arguing.

I think we have to go on separate ways, me says. We don't understand each other, me says. We are wasting our time, me says. This time, I speak out.

There are thoughts crossing my mind. When you love someone, you just love him/her no matter what, right? You always think about him/her every single second, right? In the busiest day of your life, you will find a way to spare some moment with him/her, right? And before you knowing it, you change, just because you want to be with him/her, right? You put him/her ahead of everything, right? You want him/her to be the best and you give the best of you for him/her, right? And it works for both. That is how people stick together for 100 years.

Yes, I'm ignorant, I am. I believe what I chose to believe. People cannot put their words to my mouth.

But I'm not arrogant enough to right what is wrong or to wrong what is right.

It's unethical. It's idiotic.

I'm not tired of loving you, me says. It just, I'm tired of getting in a situation, getting hurt, and hurt again, me says. Note, I speak in silent.

And suddenly, I remember what she had sms-ed earlier, "Some people are meant to stay in your heart but not in your life."

And I also remember what had I said to myself, just after receiving every heart-aching texts, "I could not tolerate this kind of behavior."

There are three words which always change the consequences of the world. They are the most powerful weapon of all kind. They are the wisest solution to end the war instead of raising up a gun.

And the three words are: I love you.

It sounds cliche, but yes, I, too, failed to decode the puzzle behind it.

Life should be joyous, me says, voiceless.

I love you, she says. And it brings down my strongest defense line.

I love you too, me says, almost without hesitation.

I am defeated. No, it is not defeated, it's completion of surrender.

The love I have in my heart is more precious than winning the argument.

I love her, really.

[aestheticanimosity]

Hamelin Act of Reality Chapter 2 translation by jyong. Please support him! Permission was given to share to my Hamelin archive.

"The favoritism towards that specific student is excessive." With complaints from the parents, the young man was summoned to a meeting. Favorites, preferential treatment, inequality…. Complaints kept pouring out, but the young man responded with a calm expression. "There is no equality in the face of beauty. Do you see a raw diamond and a stone on the roadside as the same? Or do you expect them to be polished equally, knowing the difference? That would be a futile and foolish act." The parents were outraged by the young man's confident and unapologetic stance. The higher-ups ordered the young man to take a temporary leave of abstence.

(Discordant Poem/Student PoV) It seems that the teacher has become a target of criticism among the parents. They say the teacher favors me too much. But isn't that only natural? I am a gift from God to fullfill the teacher's dream.

Hamelin: Very well. I will accept the leave of absence.

Hamelin: Teaching those who lack the qualifications to appreciate beauty…

Hamelin: I was getting tired of it anyway.

Verse 2 True beauty, after all, cannot be understood by mere mortals. And especially not by those who stand on the sidelines.

Verse 3 When faced with talent that creates true beauty, there are several ways in which people react.

Verse 4 The first is when talented individuals recognize and acknowledge each other's abilities. This mutual recognition and acceptance creates the most beautiful scenario.

Verse 5 The second is when talented individuals are overwhelmed by others with talent. Sometimes, this leads to jealousy and attempts to undermine one another. This is an ugly and unfortunate situation.

Verse 6 The third, and perhaps the most sinful, is when talentless individuals fail to recognize the talent in others.

Verse 7 They fail to understand the gift from God and foolishly consider talented individuals as equals, desiring to treat them the same. There is no uglier scenario than this.

Verse 8 Parents who are blinded by their own love for their children and overreact by comparing and ranking them. Educators who gauge their actions based on the approval of these parents, burying talent and suppressing those who stand out.

Verse 9 Ah, how ugly it is. Truly, humans are foolish and ugly creatures. That's why I cannot help but seek true beauty.

Verse 10 The young man distanced himself from teaching the student. However, in the late night classroom, the young man and the student were still present, as usual. "Pour your soul into each note. There must be no compromise, not a single one!" Interrupting repeatedly, the student, who restarted from the beginning each time, was expressing his limits. Nevertheless, the student obeyed the young man and approached the piano. "Read the composer's intentions from the sheet music. Why is there a screscendo here?! Why does it modulate at this point?!" Even with the piano in front of them, the two seemed as if they were on a battlefield.

(Discordant Poem/Student PoV) Lessons with the teacher are like a battlefield. There's no room for a moment of relaxation. My mind is worn out, and my fingers grow tired and dull. But in order to get closer to true beauty, I can't afford to complain.

Hamelin: Not yet. We are still far from attaining true beauty.

Hamelin: But please, don't give up.

Hamelin: You are the chosen one by God.

Hamelin: Because of who you are, or rather, because it is you-

Hamelin: Together with me, we will surely reach the pinnacle of beauty!

Suddenly, the young man stopped the performance. "You shouldn't play at that angle. You will hurt your wrists." The young man gently wrapped his own hand around the tired and sluggish hands of the student. In contrast to the cold impression that surrounds him, his hands feel remarkably warm. "Your hands are a gift from God. You must take care of them." He carrassed the student's hands, knowing that they would one day produce a perfect and beautiful melody. On the student's back, there were red marks left by the conductor's baton.

(Discordant Poem/Student PoV) Some people with sharp tongues say that the teacher is jealous of my talent. But that's not true. If it were jealousy, the teacher would use teaching as an excuse to crush my hands. But instead, the teacher always treats my hands with care. I am happiest in these moments.

[masongrizchel]

Self-Forgiveness Letter to self

Dear self,

I was wrong. I have made several impulsive decisions. I have wronged you so much throughout my life, and I haven't apologized. I want you to know that I am sorry.

I apologize for criticizing you, telling you how I hate you and your life, and telling you countless times that you are worthless and not good enough. I am sorry for every name I've called you and every mean word I've said to you.

I am sorry for believing what others said to you in anger or based on how they see you. THAT YOU WON'T. THAT YOU CAN'T. THAT YOU SHOULDN'T. THAT YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.

I am sorry for each and every time that I compared you to someone else.

I am sorry for the unwise choices I made. I am sorry for blaming you, for shaming you, and for inflicting you with constant guilt.

I am sorry for doubting you and keeping you from doing what you love and pursuing your dreams.

I am sorry for pressuring you to complete a very long list of tasks that are not ideal, especially when you are not well mentally. I'm sorry I called you a failure and measured your worth against them, driving you to endless anxiety, depletion, and depression.

I am sorry for setting unrealistic standards and ridiculous expectations for you and feeling like you were a disappointment.

I am sorry for not allowing you to rest when you were tired, heal when you were hurt, and relax when you most needed it. I'm sorry for making you feel guilty when you actually made an effort to take care of yourself, laugh, and live in the moment.

I am sorry for giving away your power to people who hurt you and created toxicity in your life.

I am sorry for not always keeping you busy and making time for you, for not listening to your heart, and for not trusting your intuition.

I am sorry for not taking care of your body. I am sorry I deprived you of sleep and proper nutrition. I am sorry I made unhealthy choices that cost you, sabotaged you, and hurt you.

I am sorry I have consistently taken you for granted and neglected your needs. I have not treated you seriously or with the respect that you deserve.

I am sorry for all the times I let you fall. I am sorry for someone else's opinion, and the image they saw of you was more important to me than how you felt and what was most important to you.

I am sorry for not treating you with love. I am sorry for not saying more encouraging, empowering words and for not loving others the way I do.

Please forgive me.

Be the person that you wish to light up the lives of the people around you. Make this our motivation.

With deep love, admiration, and gratitude,

Yours Truly

[ashenexulansis]

i’m autistic and i also can be kind of an ass (big separation from the autism, that’s just how i am, i can be a jerk, i know this.) (the autism gives me a strong sense of opinion and justice, alongside being unable to read social cues)

but like, if i make a wide overarching statement/opinion about x subject without specifically calling you out? please consider it satire. i’m not coming for you.

if i actually have a problem with you, i will let you know, privately, or i will just disappear from your life and that will be it. it’s really simple!

i love each and every one of my friends for a myriad of reasons and i make decisions about them on how they treat ME as a person, and not their own personal view of the world. i am very capable of looking past things that i don’t agree with. It’s honestly fine that it’s just a subject we don’t have to talk about.

but for gods sake, like, if you are so fragile that a meme or some irreverent comment is going to offend you and make you absolutely hate me, then for the sake of our friendship just unfollow me so you don’t see my posts.

i’m irreverent. i am (badly) sarcastic. i think everything is stupid and nothing makes sense to me. i’m grumpy, stubborn, proud, and downright obnoxious sometimes.

but i’m just so tired of apologizing for who i am and having to be the villain or the bad guy for something that just doesn’t really matter in the big picture, especially if it’s a random comment or opinion you don’t have. just move on, there’s plenty of terrible things happening in the real world and plenty of alt right BS takes out there to get fired up about.

being bullied so badly in my formative years changed me and made me realize what it’s like to truly be bullied - and the big part to take from that is you just can’t take things personally (unless your name is in the post). so if you are one of those folk who think that “oh everyone is so offended these days” and then you get offended? i’m laughing at you. because it’s funny and ironic. that’s it. i promise i don’t personally think any less of you.

so when you dm me with xyz, like, sorry man, i don’t know what to tell you other than that’s something we’ll have to agree to disagree on. because i have my convictions and i’m not afraid to uphold them or even look at them critically, because that’s something you should do REGARDLESS of your stance.

i am queer and disabled and mentally ill, and there’s people out there that genuinely think that i shouldn’t be alive for that, and if i can handle THAT, plenty of you cishet white men can handle a stance that isn’t yours.

Like are the things i say inherently harmful to you? am i going out of my way to call you out and tell you that you’re wrong? am i on your doorstep with a water hose spraying you like a rabid coyote because we have different opinions? no? okay good because a lot of these reactions i’m getting are akin to me coming out and spraying you with a water hose.

i’ve had a myriad of friends leave me in the past because they just didn’t like or understand how i operated, and as much as it hurts, i’m aware of my faults and the consequences that come with them. i don’t think or work like 98% of the population and i honestly say and do some weird stuff, but thats me, and you don’t have to deal with it if you don’t want to.

basically, the real ones will stay. i’m okay with that.

TLDR: it’s not that deep fam

[edgepunk]

The Witcher Netflix Rant from your local frustrated Slav I cannot tell you how tired and frustrated I am by TWN and its treatment of Slavic people. An actual Polish man has pitched the show to Netflix, multiple other producers of Slavic descent have been alienated and felt like they didn't belong there because of how they have been treated, then ultimately left the production that has been handed over to a literal Karen that doesn't give a shit about it. The show has removed every instance of Slavic(mainly Polish)/other European (Germanic, Nordic) influences, cultural significance and turned it into an uninspired, boring, muddy fantasy. Hell, I have tons of criticisms about the games, but at least they kept the Central-Eastern European influences and, despite TW being a dark fantasy, weren't scared to make the games look bright and colorful. You'd think that Girlboss Lauren and her posse would put some effort into representing the cultural influences since the games pretty much got the series popular with the blend of different Central-Eastern European (mainly Polish, obviously) cultures and the usage of Slavic folk music thanks to Percival. A lot of the themes in the books draw from Poland's history, which also have been lost in the show (here is a post that's written by an actual Polish person and explains it better than I could since I'm not actually Polish, ya know). All of that has been lost, both the writing and aesthetics lack the cultural and historical significance that has influenced the world of The Witcher, because the showrunners are a bunch of Brits and USAmericans who aren't willing to put any effort into trying to understand the history and culture. They just want to make the next GoT, which,, huh? GoT ended up like it did, but to give them some credit, in the beginning the writers mostly stuck to the books instead of making a badly written Wattpad fanfiction from the get-go.

And it's possible for a western person to try to understand the circumstances, look at Craig Mazin, the man who directed HBO Chernobyl. Of course it's dramatized, of course they added some things that didn't actually happen and a few things were inconsistent. But you can clearly see in the production of the show that they put a lot of effort and interviewed people from Ukraine. Not sure if it's true, but I've seen somewhere (or was it a podcast?) that they gave the scripts to some Ukrainian people who were alive during the Soviet Union and asked them to correct the dialogues to make them sound more authentic, closer to how people adressed each other during the USSR (and how Eastern Slavs adress each other since it's a little different than western people do, including us Western Slavs, here is a nifty post explaining it if you're interested).

Can't speak for all Slavs, but the overall reaction has been positive from the people I talked to and my older family member. Note that a lot of "older" people here have been born pre '89 (that's when the USSR fell apart, the disaster happened in April '86), so the majority of them lived through the disaster. The biggest criticism people had that they turned Dyatlov into too much of a villain. when in reality he was way calmer during the night the disaster happened. Not to mention Mazin had it more difficult since he was adapting a story from real life that affected thousands upon thousands people. Mazin is a westener, he could've just shrugged it off and said "eh who cares about these filthy Eastern Euro people" but he and his team went out of their way to actually approach the victims, read several books written by people who actually lived through the disaster, that affected them and their families to make the story more authentic and respectful. Now, why can't Miss Lauren and her posse do it with a fantasy setting? Because they don't care. The only instance of "Slavic influence" (using that term very loosely) in the show is during the Striga episode when they mention a "vukodlak" which literally translates to "werewolf" so like,,, eh. It's still a werewolf, just a different version. I'm sure the writers were patting themselves on the back for including that word they found on the werewolf Wiki page. It would've been so nice to see a Slavic piece of media make it to Hollywood, but you see how that ended up. We barely get any recognition and if there is a Slavic character in a western production they're always: an assassin, gopnik, Seksi Female Spy that falls in love with the American, thief, mob boss, and I could go on. They never get the language right, because all Slavs speak botched Russian, right? All of us are named Anton, Ivan, Nikita, Natasha or Svetlana. And there are other mythical creatures besides Baba Yaga which Hollywood can't get right either. And it bleeds into the fandom too, all the modern AUs take place in the US or the UK. When other Slavic people criticize the show for its westernization they are told by westerners to shup up or they're "haters" (I do actually hate the show and the corpo bullshit Netflix is trying to pull here so,,, you can come at me all you want lol) tl;dr: The Witcher was the perfect opportunity for Slavs to have something positive in Hollywood, but it got doomed the moment it was handed to an USAmerican woman who doesn't understand the cultural influences and has zero interest in doing proper research. I probably would've forgiven her and her team if they actually tried, but they didn't. But seeing how other cultures that aren't USAmerican are being treated in movies and TV shows it shouldn't surprise me. Also I feel like I have to clarify - this has nothing to do with the actors, this is purely on the writers, the background and costume designers that put zero effort into researching the different cultures (not just Slavic, but I am Slavic so I wrote this from my perspective) that influenced The Witcher universe.

[foxilayde]

what were you like during an ugly phase of your life where you felt you could of been a better person than what you were?

I’ve been thinking about this question a lot today and it reminds me of a conversation I had with my brother a few nights ago.

My 13 year old Boston terrier has recently befell a series of ailments/accidents that currently has him on lots of pain meds, in a cone, and more than likely facing eye removal surgery in the near future. I’ve been beside myself with grief and guilt the past few days.

The grief, because he is suffering and I feel very deeply for him. The guilt, for myself because I feel like I could have/should have done better as a mom. My brother told me a simple phrase in response to my feelings. “We can all be doing better.”

We can all be doing better.

That statement is true for everyone. There are areas in everyone’s life where they can be doing better. But I fully believe that we are all doing the best that we can with the tools that we have been given. Even if it doesn’t feel like that. Even if you feel like you’re a cruel person. You are doing the best that you can.

I do not tend to extend the same leniency towards myself that I give to other people in my life. It takes those friends and family members, the close ones, the loved ones to show you your true self sometimes.

In my self-esteemed-shot mind I am a horrible dog mother. I don’t give Django nearly the attention that he deserves, and I could be far more patient with him. and especially seeing him in this beleaguered state, my first response is to hate myself.

And maybe I hate myself because it’s easy. Because it’s option A. Maybe I hate myself because it makes sense. Maybe I blame myself for these things that are out of my control because at least I can make it logical. If I can hate myself, then there is a solid entity to blame for the madness, for the inconsistencies of life. But the fact is that life is not logical. Life is full of curveballs. And in reality, each person truly is doing their absolute best when faced with the curve balls.

We are each our own worst critic. Close your eyes and think of someone whom you love unconditionally. Do it. Imagine that person doing the things that you beat yourself up for. All that deplorable shit. Are they a bad person? Are they an ugly person? The answer is likely no. You likely want to hug that person and tell them everything is going to be OK.

Nearly all the past incarnations of Danny are cringe worthy. I have had many awful incarnations of myself. There is the Danny of 15 years ago who supported YES ON 8. There is the Danny of 8 years ago who was content being a Side Chick… and I have to extend that same loving leniency towards her. I have to give her a hug. Because she really truly didn’t know any better. She was trying to fit in. She was trying to be loved.

And most difficultly, I have to extend that leniency towards myself where I am now. I am in the weeds, I am too close to the trees, and I’m too tired to pay my full attentions to my ailing dog. But I’m doing the best I can.

One thing I think you will uniformly hear from very elderly people when you ask their advice on life in general is: be kind. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to the people around you. Life is hard. Be kind.

And if you do life correctly, you will have many many versions of your past self that can be deemed as “ugly” or “vile”, because we keep growing, we — through experience — keep changing. And babygirl that is the definition of life. To adapt. To grow. To change.

It’s easy for me to be harsh on past-Danny. She didn’t know shit. She needed a hug. She needed guidance. Just as present-Danny does. As fucking hard as that is to admit.

So give yourself a hug. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Treat yourself the same way you’d treat your best friend. To quote Conor Oberst “forgive yourself for the many times, you were cruel to something helpless and weak.” (Including yourself)

Whatever it is you’re going through, you’re not alone. You’re not “bad”, and you deserve to be loved.