#i am... deranged about this right now
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really long explanation of my song choices under the cut
1. WHITE WINTER HYMNAL (FLEET FOXES)
- its the cycles. the tragedy that is and was and will be happening. the removal from the scene and simultaneous desperation
- lyrical repitition yeah. timeloop
- "and michael you would fall" you WOULD. implied repition and inevitability. ya its like gan 👍👍
2. YOU & ME (TALLY HALL)
- "off again we go, another seed to sow, another part to keep in proper order, what have i begun, a getaway undone, i have seen the signs and i ignored them"
- ⬆️ HELLO? TIMELOOP. meticulous tweaking of circumstances to get gan not evil. i have seen the signs (of the impossibility of changing fate. and also of him in the first before having moral complexity) and i ignored them!!!!!
- YOU AND ME DIVINE. A CIRCULAR DESIGN! RETURN TO BE IN ORBIT ALL THE TIME
- "you turn away and around, ive been coming down" its a bit. its a bit that you might see your shadow... iykyk
3. EVERYWHERE (BRAN VAN 3000)
- youre everywhere to me... its gan. hes hes everywhere
- everywhere you came an left you came in the name of love! and left a wake of happiness and tenderness and SWEET CONFLICT.... it is always tortured :( link is so good natured but um well. its not going right. he still holds reductive morality that wont actually save anyone
- "you come on down but you dont come down" - its the way link keeps coming back to this guy this GUY HE LOVES to save him but he never gets at the root of it he never. comes down to why gan does what he does ever.
- also works as a sorrows (part 5 of b+f) gan perspective 👍 unrequited love baby
4. TEXAS REZNIKOFF (MITSKI)
- ok i actually have very little justification for this. but its verry sorrows esque to me. sorry
- oh except "but ive been anywhere an its not what i want... i wanna be still with you". its them to me.
5. FRANCIS FOREVER (MITSKI)
- what more can i say... the isolation. the seperation
- in sorrows ganondorf if left literally all alone on a shipwreck for days to months Several times, and is also hopelessly in love with link. for context.
- "i dont need the world to see that ive been the best i can be... but i dont think i can stand to be where you dont see me" - its literally him. he really only has link in his life, and he is doing all his evil-magic suppression in isolation FOR HIM.
- ⬆️ oh also somewhat a post-fear no more link. haha. he greives rajo his son and rajo his brother a lot. all this timeloop bullshit is for him after all... in defiance of fate and the gods snd everything. he MISSES HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING one might say.
6. ANNIE'S SONG (JOHN DENVER)
- hes everything to link👍 gives him purpose
- LET ME GIVE MY LIFE TO YOU. LET ME DIE IN YOUR ARMS.... the devotion and it all. yeah
7. I'M STILL HERE (GOO GOO DOLLS)
- this is particularly a song for fear no more rajo. the weird father son dynamic they got here is so fucked
- rajo feels inadequate he feels evil and ALSO smothered by link his dad. because link is trying to save him from being evil right. so hes both expecting him to act badly and need saving and ALSO be good. its fucked
- oh and also deeply estranged by society due to being raised in hyrule abd very much Not being hylian.
- like the lyrics refer to feeling inadequate and lost alone. people (in this case link and (joker voice) SOCIETY) expecting bad things from him... he wants support from his dad but its still very complicated WHATEVER...
- its um. hes just like jim treasureplanet.ok whatever
8. HYMN FOR A SCARECROW (TALLY HALL)
- by contrast. a link song.... nobody knows you and neither do i...
- the farmer jim in the lyrics is corfo cepolla to me (he is a farmer who link comes back to several times across timelines for advice and help raising ganondorf as a baby. hes cool guy).
- "he may imagine you heard and he knew... you wouldnt hear what he might have known" <- despite it all link really fails to take to heart what needs to be learned from the cepollas. HES A VERY ONE TRACK MIND GUY... like a scarecrow!
- song is about an enigma of a guy right. why does he do what he does. is he even aware. only the wind knows... its very him.
- also the birds the crows. they are fate somewhat. he drives them away by nature of what he does but the line "igniting a spark in [the crows'] minds so they circle and fly" feels like they are driven to return anyway. very much a theme in the story, like evil still arises whether in ganondorf or not. you cant save everyone always
9. BIXBY CANYON BRIDGE (DEATH CAB)
- link greiving his lost brother/son/friend ...
- in the silence it became so very clear that you had long since disappeared...i cursed myself at bring suprised that it didnt play like it did in my mind
- ⬆️ he keeps fucking dying. despite all the time nonsense rajo cant come back and you cant erase the losses of former timelines
10. SAMSON (REGINA SPEKTOR)
- the "history books forgot about us" and the "we coukdnt bring the cloumns down" is very sorrows to me. they loved each other and it still wasnt enough to CHANGE anything because he still died by links hand and the timeline was still reset.
- the uh. hair length thing is actually pretty important because 1. its a cultural thing to have gans hair long. 2. rajo cut off all his hair before he killed himself in fear no more (momentous Fucking occasion). and link feels ratherrr responsible for that. the hair cutting is a betrayal. and in the times where link raises him in the hylian fashion and cuts his hair its like. uprooting his whole life and for what? NOTHING to change. wawawawa
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I have a lot of leftover drawings in my gallery. [Blank Scripts AU]
[Content Warning: Images below contain Gore, Death, and Disturbing/Uncomfortable Imagery]
I find it a bit cute knowing they start out as crazy and then slowly settle into something calmer and relatively healthier after learning to adapt to each other's lust-turned-love. [Stanley did it first but hey :3]
#tsp blank scripts au#they love each other [genuinely] theyd rather die if theyre to go without each other by this point#hhmmm I hope the last few images arent too damning#These two go through a lot during the progression of their relationship#and I wanted to showcase that yknow?#theyre demented but theyre just perfect for each other kind of way#lovingly tearing each other apart and rebuilding each other to do it over and over again#repeating this dull process of endings over and over and finding ways to keep themselves entertained#this place was never even meant to be fun#but now that theyve gotten entangled with each other#they cant help but want to play around#even if its just for a little bit?#work can continue later right?#they love each other a little bit too much they actually need to be put in a separate cage#like a spider and a praying mantis#is it painful? yes. is it fun? also yes. do they like doing it only to each other and nobody else? YES.#their psych is genuinely so fun to explore and dissect#I had a lot of fun making these despite how deranged they look#something about them.... it drives both to do things they would never even consider doing to anybody else... but towards each other#you know what i mean? or am i just yapping nonsense again.#horror#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tsp#tspud#tsp au#tsp narrator#narrator tsp#stanley tsp#tsp stanley
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in the tradition of the halloween episode and the lamp society episode, i think there should be a bleach filler episode that inexplicably takes place in space and there should be a scene where byakuya causes a massive hull depressurization incident by casting sokatsui inside of their spaceship or space station or whatever even though everyone repeatedly told him not to
#call me studio pierrot i am available#i know bleach is all ~prestige~ now and we're not going to get any more filler episodes deranged or otherwise#but a girl can dream right?#unpopular opinion but i would trade the Mayuri vs A Giant Hand fight for handful. a third new year's episode. byakuya in space. and...#maybe izakaya kamenoya is about to go out of business and they have to put on a musical to save it?#i still haven't given up my dream for an episode where renji has to learn to drive the urahara shouten van
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well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.
also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever
(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )
#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it#but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind#its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because#[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack#'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink#and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally#i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real#for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however#that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.
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All day I have been trying so hard to talk about this but I have zero words. But I’m being incredibly normal about it!!!!!
#ohnmy godddd it’s tge fucking scene. THE soichiro and mello scene guys i am actually so not okay#the fact that it’s actually being included in official art is making me loose it i ammactually so sick in the head about this#if i could actually use worsd right now i would never shut up about this ever again#death note#death note official art#mello#mihael keehl#soichiro yagami#soichello#<— again not necessarily a ship post this is honestly just my target audience (i say as if i’m not the only one who ever posts abput them)#i’m deranged about both of them regardless of what their dynamic is#antways i desperarty need sleep good fucking night
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Okay so relating to the 15x08 production draft, Michael's lines are labeled as "Michael/Adam" and Adam's are labeled "Adam/Michael"
But Lilith's are labeled as "Ashley/Lilith". And that makes me have thoughts
#thats right im also deranged about the production draft for reasons other than except for you!!#i havent gone and looked at the others that shes in mostly because idk what they are off the top of my head#maybe ill do that in a couple days#also this IS something i noticed immediately but i am just posting about it now#supernatural#spn#michael spn#adam milligan#lilith spn#15x08#spn 15x08#anyways if anyone knows why please share with the class
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maybe .. THIS time .... the content filters will work
#i love love LOVE how it censors out things that literally have nothing to do with the tag#but then actively shows me things i am trying to avoid#this is !!!!! awesome !!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS#every tag. i have used Every Tag this time. the one that isn't filtering tags also even#pleeeease PLEEEEEEASE i am trying to not look at it for a REASON#normally I try not to be evil about it because it is going to happen and I understand that but I am Particularly sensitive to it right now#and if I have to hear about it literally one more time I might detonate#hhholy shit#jeremy lore post#tagging retroactively bc not everyone wants to see me being deranged
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i did a thing
#crocheting#it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap#i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am#my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware#the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress#i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic#so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes#please cherish it#i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me#they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me#that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly#actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step#but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has#i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic#like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two#how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling#no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have#but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it#if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces#and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person#originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer#and now its turned to mush#no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself#nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless#maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events#(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)
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Will you be commenting on the Taylor drama?
I love the way this was worded, like I'm one of the siblings on Succession and the press has cornered me outside my penthouse to ask if I'll be releasing a statement on my family's latest scandal. Hehehe anyways.
Sorry but I just don't understand how anyone is shocked. Truly what has that woman ever done to successfully convince people that this is out of character for her. Like I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or anything but I see all these stans on here and over on Twitter in all this distress, having their very first epiphanies like "Hold on . . . does Taylor . . . suck??" And I kinda just have to chuckle at them cause like bless your hearts babes, but omg catch UP 😭
Lol because 1) she is a severely emotionally stunted person who thinks edgy British "bad boys" are hot like she's 12 years old, 2) she has no true deeply-held moral principles outside of issues that directly affect herself, and 3) truthfully, she seems to be suffering from a serious crisis of identity after the end of the longest and most significant romantic relationship of her life, and in my opinion is pretty clearly desperate to prove something to the world/her ex/herself.
The first reason is cringe but not news to longtime viewers, the second reason is pathetic but also not news (to those who can be honest with themselves), and the third is . . . understandable in some sense, but not pitiable enough to make me willing to humor this insufferable little episode she's having. I wish her luck on this humiliating rebound journey, but she is gonna have to walk that road on her own.
Normally, I always roll my eyes when people make these kinds of jokes, but given the circumstances I feel justified in saying: I can't wait to hear the breakup song about him, sis 🤡
#the great thing about disliking your own fave is that they simply do not have the power to disappoint you lol#like her stans (at least those who arent complete sycophants—which sadly is not most) are breaking down over Babys 1st Cognitive Dissonance#meanwhile im just over here chilling lol#ive also just NEVER been particularly invested in her personal life anyways so im gucci on that front too#i didnt even realize specific songs were about specific celebrity exes until *several* years into listening to her music#thats how unplugged i am lol#she is unusually extremely visible in the collective conscious right now cause of the tour and this insufferable PR blitz#but the absolute best thing for me is when she disappears and i dont have to perceive her -- the actual person -- outside of her music#and then it can just be me and my lifelong companion the fictional character “taylor swift” (c)(r)(tm)#so personally the only real threat this hangs over my head is the thought she might put him on an album#like that does strike real terror in my heart im ngl#ESPECIALLY any of the rerecords oh my god#and given the way hes been tailing her in and out of that damn studio . . . its not looking good for me kids 🥴#i cant believe she would be that dumb after making the same mistake with joe on folklore#cause even tho now she has to suffer the indignity of sharing a grammy with her ex (LMAO)#at least we can understand that at the time she thought they were in it for life#but if she pulls that shit again with a REBOUND??? just to like stick it to joe or further delude herself or whatever?#idk im gonna need interpol or somebody to step in and do something drastic like this is a cry for help#did you guys see that euphoria meme someone made about her deranged “ive never been happier!!!!” speech the other day?#it was SO funny ill go find it
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Did you watch corpse bride so much as a child that it altered your brain chemistry or are you normal
#corpse bride is my all time favorite movie and I’m not afraid to say it#I can quote that entire movie forwards and backwards#i have to pretend I’m not deranged about it whenever it comes up in a real world conversation#I know stex is my brand on here but I am a corpse bride stan first#I want it rewatch it right now but it’s like 2 am where I am and I really need to sleep#maybe tomorrow…
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screaming about bob having a shitty childhood while working at his dad’s restaurant and then when he’s an adult with his own kids he subconsciously treated his kids that worked for him better than his dad treated him because he couldn’t place it but he didn’t want them to have to the childhood he had
#screaming i love this show so much#also this subplot of the kids working for the weed smoking hippies is insane#but i am screaming over bob and his relationship with his kids#i love bob so much#he is so baby girl#bobs burgers#bob’s burgers#bob belcher#belcher kids#this is what i’m watching right now#LIKE HE DOESNT REALIZE THAT THEY LIKE WORKIJG THERE#THEY LOVE THEIR DAD#OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM BECOMING MORE DERANGED ABOUT THIS SHOW BY THE SECOND
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which yakuza dude do you think has the most deranged fangirls
yall gotta stop askin questions we know the answer to
#snap chats#‘fangirl’ isnt a good word to use cause i dont even really see fans that identify as women#like. now that i think of it i genuinely cant think of the last rgg fan i saw that identified as a girl aside from my bestie#so ig majima fans 😔#LMAO JKJK but am i.#i will just be talking about fans in general tho cause i cant think of the last time i saw a girl say she likes rgg#see thats hard to gauge see the main text was a fuckin lie cause /i/ dont even know#in my heart i should say majima fans since thats usually the answer but like#like the most ive seen from them is them ragging on LaD8 before it even came out because yokoyama said majima wasnt gonna have a huge role#aside from that i dont see much..#kiryu fans scare me#i dont see em a lot but when i do they scare me#and then i dont have to talk about daigo fans right. ive done that enough.#aoki fans are second place but thats more affectionate#cause the most ‘deranged’ things they do is go into cartoonish detail bout how they wanna beat aoki with a rubber mallet#and thats really funny but by definition a lil deranged but also hilarious and fine so im letting it slide#in review i guess i would have to say daigo fans but like.#thats like being like ‘whats your favorite fruit’ and the only fruit you have access to is bananas or somethinf#like of course ill say the one i see the most of so my opinion isnt really concrete ig?#but yeah. just from what ive seen ig#edit: i just remembered nishiki fans existed and theyre strangling daigo for the number-one spot
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taking a break from excessive drawing to post more attacks!
in order, these characters belong to @latch-hyena, @feeferden, @capitalcalamity, and @autisticiyami!
#probably only going to post the attacks for users that linked their tumblr on here for now at least because i have made...too many attacks#22 so far and 4 friendly fires....hhoo#probably going to slow down dramatically the further we get into the month but right now i am a little deranged about artfight
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idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.
#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct#on everything bud.#spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate#its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions#was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild.#'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as#'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything'#also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are#and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking.#so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass#maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure#oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now.#at least the ones perpetually in his chat.#also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater'#and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance.#unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with#[enter name] derangement syndrome#only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly.#keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit.#like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools#ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.
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if i had a nickel for every time while headcanoning character dynamics that don't exist much in canon, i ended up making the fan-favorite yaoi pairing instead a worryingly toxic friendship that's only hanging on by a thread, i would have two nickels but it's weird that it happened twice
#error 0#i have a migraine right now. i am not sure why having migraines makes me more likely to muse on tumblr abt random shit#anyway for the curious this post is about magolor x marx kirby#but also abt beat x yoyo jet set radio#and while i say ''its weird that it happened twice'' its. probably happened more tjan that and i just forget lmao#i imagine to some extent its just me being petty and contrarian cuz im not particularly shippy#and also tend to be a Hater at certain ships for very particular and nonsensical reasons#but... this specific result of that feels. very Bizarre and i dont know why its happened twice#in this similar a form (even if uhh one of these friendships is SIGNIFICANTLY more toxic than the other)#(finiteverse marx and magolor should stop interacting. for everyone's sake but esp their own.)#i dont have a conclusion here though.#maybe this is just because im obsessed with making emotionally inept deranged weirdguys#and so like 70% of character dynamics that creates are at least a little bit unhealthy JDJAKDJSJDJ#(maybe it is for the better that i don't care much for shipping.)#(alternate timeline ----- shipfic author: only writes fics that make you think ''oh god please break up IMMEDIATELY'')#HELP ACTUALLY WHILE TYPING THIS I JUST REMEMBERED#THE ONR TIME I CAN THINK OF THAT I WROTE A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP (WAS A CHARACTER STUDY NOT SHIPPING)#WAS LIKE HYPER TOXIC AND AWFUL AND WAS EXPLICITLY THE CAUSE OF EVERY BAD THING IN THE STORYLINE#(this isnt counting stuff thats like ''there was a relationship in the past but its over now'' or ''there COULD have been one but wasnt'')#(i am only talking specifically me writing the point in time that the relationship was HAPPENING)#welcome to netscapenavigaytor where love loses forever#i shpuld stop rambling in these tags. this is silly#can you tell im bored and suffering from brain pain soup.#and also perpetually want to talk about characters SO badly but never know how to start a convo or who to start it with#oh well
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today's mantra is not all my ideas are stupid not all my ideas are stupid not all my ideas are stupid
#im like. kind of chickening out of my own ideas for my phd#bc like. what if im wrong#but thats the point of science#but im chickening from telling them to my advisor#but the thing is im so focused on my idea and i just keep on finding that it is not actually been researched#or maybe it was in like 1967 but i wouldnt know lol#i would. i would.#i would do lit research but i cant do lit research now#well i can but what would be the point if i turned out wrong#thats why i have my advisor#and im afraid to go to her and bare my little curious heart of my hypothesis and what id like to find#the first barrier is cortisol sampling. i want that. i dont know if we can have that. i should ask. but idk idk idk.#if we cant. we cant.#i dont feel like im qualified now. like im a big girl! and im afraid that im going to be right! imagine what would that do to my ego#but imagine if i was wrong! i would not want to come out of my cave ever!#but you know. if i fail. i fail.#i will send her an email soon. about my idea. like vague idea. and ask if that would be possible.#she will find out im actually crazy and deranged#and idk if its a good thing or not#oh boy my advisor has no idea what kind of gremlin i am and she even asked me to work in their lab#like girl. im a menace.#no actually not all my current coworkers dont want me to leave because im actually okay at my job#but im out of sanity. like im deranged. im not normal about science. its like a blorbo but real#oh man oh man decisions decisions all of them wrong
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