#i assume it's going to be updated when there are updates to...update

[snapscube]

Assuming you've already seen it, any particular thoughts on the live letter today?

the new content and msq updates are very intriguing as always! i LOVE the new deep dungeon i’ll absolutely be trying to spend a decent amount of time there. more excuse to go back to shadowbringers zones in late game is always appreciated.

pretty damn happy w the implementations of feedback !!! i haven’t done a lot of occult crescent or cosmic exploration but it was cool to see them address direct and specific points of contention and be like “this is how we will fix it asap”

and then FINALLY SOME MOTION ON VIERA/HROTH HATS. that was truly unexpected. like i was basically at the point of completely writing it off as something they would never actually get to. and then the bonus of having your characters bangs still visible when wearing a hood? genuinely that is the kind of thing i would have expected this game to go its ENTIRE EXISTENCE without changing. it’s just such a small thing and obviously it’s not GREAT to have hair disappear under a hood but i truly never thought of it as a huge problem, figured it was just a limitation of how gear models work. but now that im seeing the alternative and i know we’re getting it… i want it so badly. im so happy.

DUO QUEUING FOR CRYSTALLINE CONFLICT!!!!! IS SICK

Yeah very happy overall! i hope they keep on this level of just like…. getting shit done?? square needs to pump more money into this game it really stinks that we still have to hear about not being able to make content happen because of cost limitations.

[beastyeastfreak]

could we get beast headcanons for a reader who has long since grown exhausted life’s struggles and becomes perfectly happy to play pet? no need to work so hard for scraps, the only thing expected of them is their loyalty and to sit there looking pretty—what bliss!

(bonus points if we get to see each respective ancient’s reactions to such “mindless” compliance)

(bonus bonus points if the main reason reader was so exhausted is because they were being trained as that ancient’s apprentice of sorts)

I kinda love this idea because i absolutely would fold too

Cw and tags: Romantic, beasts partially see reader as a pet/toy/decor/trophy but not completely dehumanized(written as reader being ok with/liking it), kidnapping, theres a good bit of time between beasts escaping and being defeated in ESC’s and MFC’s just to make it make sense.

Written before the silent salt update

Mystic Flour

🌾 - Every cookie in the cacao kingdom was overworked, you were just the only one who could admit it. You wanted to leave the kingdom at many times, but the weather was simply too hazardous. You staying lead to you going further and further up the ranks until landing you at Dark Cacaos advisor. Your seat at the table had been empty for some time and you soon learned why. You would not have taken the opportunity if you knew surveillance would be apart of it. No one wanted another Affogato incident and neither did you! Everything you said was always double checked, everyone automatically assumed there was a chance you were lying. You didn’t even know the guy and yet he was making an already hard job harder.

🌾 - She is not surprised when she finds you and you give up without any threats to you or the kingdom. Anyone would turn to apathy after enduring such hardships and distrust. When she found you, she was surprised your entire head icing had not gone grey. If peace were a cookie, you were every opposite to it. She saw within you was distress, hidden under sternness and “playing nice to appear less suspicious”. At first she welcomes you just to pull you away from Dark Cacao, but as her interest grows her intentions deviate. She’ll find you sitting alone many days, unable to rest even despite the serenity of the pagoda and the amount of sweet food given to you during your stay here. Eternal Sugar herself delivered a tooth achingly sweet berry for you and still nothing worked. You were as tough and tasteless as dark chocolate slabs.

🌾 - Such devotion to a futile cause and devotion to work, she wanted to change that. She wanted apathy to swallow you whole, for you to realize how much your kingdom had made you work, for you to completely break and trail behind her like a decoration but ultimately find peace. You seemed likely to be submissive with little push, she just has to break down those walls brick by brick, and by the witches she will do that.

🌾 - It starts slow. No more of your old attire. You were too far gone to find apathy on your own so you had to stay with her. By now you already lived in the mountains with her but she makes sure you can’t leave. Her plan for you is for each step further you became ok with the last step taken, you would not realize you were becoming undone. Isolation was another helpful bonus, without the discriminatory eyes of outside cookies it was much easier for her. She expects you to revolt or cringe at whatever she has in mind for you, strangely you do not. You nod at her demands and thank her when she gifts you something to wear.

🌾 - Your gaze became softer, you fretted less over small inconveniences and mistakes. Without being asked you accompanied her when she wasn’t meditating alone, and soon you joined her there too. It became less of an attack on Dark Cacao and more of her just enjoying your presence and wanting you to be without all the stress that came with life that she had not carved. Now instead of worrying for your people, juggling duties for your kingdom and tossing in bed you were hers. You were compliant, calm, apathetic. Her actions which could once be misinterpreted as friendly became more tender, indulgent even. She wanted you to be close because she liked you from the beginning, but now she was honest about it.

🌾 - Slowly, she allows you to break down her walls and rules. Her standard for what apathy should look like on normal cookies had changed but only when it was you. For some time she tries to form a gap between you both, her desire was clouding her judgment and making you less and less apathetic in her eyes. She wasn’t the right influence, ironically enough. Still, you bridged that gap with the same patience she had bestowed upon you. Finally, she decided there could be a middle ground. Just for you.

🌾 - When Dark Cacao sees Mystic Flour again you’re with her. He’s angry, she dared cast a spell on you? Kidnap his trusted advisor! She assures him for you, there is no magic, she granted you peace and he will be next. She takes your chin not in a grab or a hold, just placed there and you follow her hand like a dog moves towards petting. She graces your lips with a light, slow peck. “They made the decision to allow me in, and now they have accepted apathy into their heart and their needless struggles will hurt them no more.” She says, he is still furious but his anger is still guided at her, he finds your state repulsive and will either exile you or try to fix you when he eventually defeats her.

(Reader isn’t affiliated with the cheese kingdom in this one sorry, broly poly)

Burning Spice

🏜️ - Burning Spice had eradicated many places off the face of earthbread and history. In his crusade for complete destruction, there was only one hypocrisy. He was known to take home trophies of his own on rare occasions, forfeiting from the idea he had completely wiped something away. Usually it was highly important artifacts that he’d snatch away just to destroy later on or use as blackmail… and destroy after he gets what he wants. Sometimes it was food and drinks, maybe even jewelry or status symbols of some kind. But one time, it was a cookie.

🏜️ - You belonged to a busy kingdom, bustling due to an influx of cookies seeking safety from the Beast epidemic. Cookies saviors had turned their backs to them and they needed someone to look to. Said cookie that everyone turned to was the king of said city, and you the advisor. Though sometimes it felt like you had taken all the kingly responsibilities without the according payment. So obviously as more cookies came into the city escaping the beasts wrath, more duties pawned onto you while he lounged around. So, your irritation grew, it became a tangled storm within you which could not be tamed.

🏜️ - In due time, the gaze of destruction settled upon the land. The wind grew like an announcement, or perhaps a warning. You were told of the approaching swarm and were able to evacuate many cookies, as many as you were able to but soon you were caught in the crossfire. Forced to hide within the castle with the king and a few select servants and knights. There, unknowingly being overheard by The Great Destroyer himself behind the protective door you voice your frustrations knowing death was coming for you. You let him know every little thing that angered you, finishing with something like “i would have rather been at the feet of some beast then serve another day with you. I will take great pleasure from my grave seeing your crumbs atop this destroyed city!” Among other profanities.

🏜️ - Finding amusement in your words, when he breaks the door down he decides to spare you. He pretends to not have heard anything, looks at you as the spice swarm comes in to finish everyone off. He doesn’t ask your name, “you are mine now” and your fate was sealed. You thought it would be a life of servitude in store for you, that was all you had known after all. To your surprise, no work waited for you. You were given clothing, food all for you to basically be a pet. Honestly after dealing with all you had gone through, you just gave in and accepted the role. No longer ‘advisor y/n cookie’ now whatever the strangely affectionate name of the week was.

🏜️ - Gradually as you and Burning Spice got closer, he saw you less as a pet or a trophy and more like a partner. Every time he returned from another massacre or hunting trip, you’d be there to greet him. He wasn’t used to this kind of affection, or feelings. His possessiveness of you grew strangely and he hated it. He did not want to sound greedy by saying you were his, but everyone sort of just figures it out anyway. Your living situation was already quite luxurious but now you were basically treated the same as him, partially because you never leave his side and because no one wants to anger him for mistreating you. Somehow, the underpaid worker became The Great Destroyers only treasure.

Eternal sugar

🌷 - You weren’t particularly high class, that was your problem. You were trying to get by selling your wares and working extra jobs in the hollyberry kingdom. It was no ones fault but circumstances, you simply were born poor. You would have to live this life, sing a song sung before. Hollyberrian pride and willpower was the only thing that kept you going… and maybe a little too much juice than you’d like to say. You would be lying if you said you didn’t envy royals who only worried about how soft their cushions were and the style of whatever juice they were sipping on.

🌷 - When the beasts first escaped, Eternal Sugar seemed to immediately locate her other halfs kingdom and have a look around though she was very unseen. Oh, all these poor hard working cookies! She thought it was bad until she saw you, she told herself she would try to hold back on taking any suffering cookie home but she couldn’t resist! You simply couldn’t wait, you needed her help now. So she waited for dusk to come so she could take you with no issues from anyone else. You began to make your way home, shoulders slumped and face down. In disguise(really just hiding the wings honestly), she bumped into you causing her to fall. You help her up as she assumed you would, then comes some acting lessons from shadow milk. She was visiting the city but it was so busy this time of year and she had no where to stay as all the hotels were booked. Though you could have given her directions to a friends house, you offer to let her stay on your couch unknowingly inviting a beast into your home.

🌷 - Over dinner, she has you talk all about yourself. She doesn’t break your walls, she grows vines and uses them to climb. For once your struggles were seen heard. Soon she gets you to admit what she was waiting for: “Even though its not very.. hollyberrian, i just want to stop working, sit down and rest for like.. ever.. you know?” She smiles, “i can help with that.” Then begins to stand up, she walks with her back facing away and drops her metaphorical cloak, wings now billowing out and any other beast like feature she was hiding now for you to see. She explains who she is and what she does, she expects fear or excuses, but you sit in weary shock then crack a joke, “do you still need to stay on my couch?” Obviously you already have her heart.

🌷 - You leave soon after, taking a few things and leaving a note so your friends wont think you’ve been kidnapped (you have but willingly). Love blossoms between you two somewhat quickly, she eased tension in your body and mind. Kisses felt like resolve slowly dropping, poison spreading delightfully through your system. Juice hadn’t even come close to creating a feeling like being with her. She keeps you with her, you’re always leaning against each other or tangled up in either lap. Like the angel she was, she had delivered you from a life of hard work for nothing and you had given her your presence which was payment enough.

🌷 - By the time Hollyberry and her friends arrive you had already been well adjusted into the garden. When Hollyberry arrives in the heart, where you reside, she tries to talk to you. She thinks you were captured and are playing the long game to escape, or maybe you were under a spell. Tiger lily tries to get you to eat a berry and you do but nothing happens, disproving their claims. Hollyberry isn’t upset, with you at least, she’s glad you found happiness here but knows one day you may come to regret it. You on the other hand couldn’t be happier.

Shadow Milk

🃏 - Ever since Pure Vanilla was just blind healer, you were at his side. Rebuilding the Vanilla Kingdom among every other hardship you endured slowly built up a lot of tolls you were taking. When Pure Vanilla began his travels to beast yeast, he chose you to go with him. Despite your overwhelming tiredness, which you had been hiding quite well, you agreed with no hesitation. If someone was threatening the safety of your kingdom you had to help Pure Vanilla take care of them.

🃏 - The night before you left for beast yeast you were plagued with a nightmare. A dark void with blue eyes and stars all around, a voice coming from beyond. “A little liar are we? I wonder how much it’ll take for me to knock you over!” You felt as though you were pushed to the ground though there was no ground in sight. “It’s a shame you’re on the wrong side, I wouldn’t have treated you sooo bad,” someone obscured by darkness floated around you. You were so knee deep in work you didn’t oppose though you knew this entity was of darkness. “Hmm? Whats that? Cant hear you… did you not say anything? Oh its almost like you.. you want to come with me!” He breaks into laughter, whoever was in this dream with you was weirding you out. “Weeeelll~ if you want to so badly.. i do need another plaything, its not like you’d have to do anything! Come on, this deal ends soon!” He says in a singsong voice but almost on command you’re awakened by knocking on your door. Apparently you had slept in.

🃏 - When you do finally meet face to face with Shadow Milk, he’s quick to pull you away from the others to ask if you made up your mind which makes you realize who he was. He reminds you of all you went through, and you decide yes you will go with him just not to be flaunted at Pure Vanilla. He sends you to his other realm, when he handles them then he’ll bring you out and you can be his little puppet for the rest of eternity, how enticing. He proceeds to lose, and return to the silver tree for some time with you still with him.

🃏 - He did not need his ego stroked, but strangely that was something you did that landed you a lot of rewards. He spends the entire time back in the silver tree avoiding the other beasts for screwing up. They know they’ll be back out again pretty quickly but still, they cant help but make some attempts on his life. He entertains you with puppet shows, stories which are definitely not 100 % true and messing with Pure Vanillas dreams. You do nothing but float around him looking pretty but still are praised by the other beasts for “putting up with him”. He’s very annoying by their standards.

🃏 - When they all escape again, he gets you brand new matching clothes and a room in the spire. He all but keeps you away from the fun, you now have to watch all your friends fight him and Pure Vanilla struggle. Shadow Milk uses you as a way to torment him. Eventually he becomes Truthless Recluse, who has no real opinion on you. He just thinks your lapdog behavior is kind of annoying, but so is shadow milks behavior so maybe you’re destined for eachother

[dchuntress]

update: my thoughts on the rh solo

in my initial reaction to the announcement, i was pretty much a mixture of negative emotions, as i have been dreading all the nonsense that tends to happen with female characters being made into side characters/love interests. i have made quite a lot of overzealous posts as i was ruminating over it in the worst light possible. for the most part of it, i was criticising the sexist pattern in dc, the company as a whole, and most honestly, That cover art; i was admittedly a lot more focused on the internal implications of the things, and didn't think a lot about the external implications of my posts.

it took me some time to learn about the writer, gretchen felker-martin, and it took me a lot more time to calm down and understand why the premature backlash surrounding this book could be hurtful to her; nothing happens in a vacuum, especially considering the current political climate and the ill treatment of trans women on this site as well as in real life, by laws.

i never once intended to target or criticise gretchen felker-martin specifically, i was more so assuming something dreadful to happen with the book as a part of a larger pattern that happens with bats being uplifted and whatnot, but that is still an assumption i've been making about something that hasn't come out and something i haven't read. and that really isn't fair.

the art, once again, isn't something i'm a big fan of. but again, summaries can be misleading/reductive of the actual story. this is something that had happened to me with a different comic, crossbow at the crossroads - something i did not enjoy at first, but then later come to enjoy and love as one of my most favourite books ever. opinions about things like these can fluctuate, but the fluctuations can happen only when i engage with them.

i will not be talking about the book any further, seriously, until it's released in its entirety til the last issue.

i am sorry for my overreaction, and my delay to reconsider, i admittedly have considered myself justified in my reactions and that's why it was difficult for me to rethink what i was saying/doing and to consider other perspectives. i feel really stupid and ached, and i need to stop myself from getting so worked up easily in public forums like this again.

i do not find it wise to judge the content of the book prematurely based on the author's personal life or old tweets. skill =/= morality, and i think it's unfair to go through the author's personal life. it's okay to not want to read something without a reason, let's not welcome her with backlash.

another thing i want to add: about the copaganda, i'm positive it won't really happen considering that gretchen has been critical of cops in her previous comics/writings involving them. again, summaries and previews can be misleading or not displaying the full picture, so hopefully there won't really be anything to dread in the next three months.

i'm not sure what my schedule looks like in september, but i have reconsidered my stance with a calm mind and have decided to give this book a chance at my own pace, to examine it for myself. if the romance does happen, that is something i will skip entirely for my own sake of peace. anything and almost everything else, i will try to approach it with an open mind. it doesn't mean that everybody has to; i think, you should only give it a chance when you want to to give it a fair chance. otherwise, let's read something else.

the backlash isn't productive. fans of either characters, i suggest us staying in our own lanes and not spreading misinformation about them.

let's also not fill up helena's tags with other characters in excess. considering checking out @helenabertinelliweek to find inspiration for what you could fill up her tags with, we can redirect our frustration into creative fuel and earnestly engage with the character.

let's hope that it all turns out well in the end.

once again, i am sorry. i have acted recklessly and i should've realised this much sooner.

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Hiiii! hope u having wonderful night/day <3

this request has been on my mind since Winter Soldier skin came on fortnite 👀 and new skin of Bucky have been realesed on Marvel Rivals

it would be boyfriend!Sebastian Stan x gamer!gf!reader

so basically reader plays video games all the time, while Bucky is away, she just loves to spend her time like this! Seb leaves for a week to film scenes to his film, while reader stays at their apartament. He cames back home and reader always runs to him to welcome him with hugs and kisses, but not right now, shes too focused on playing Winter Soldier skin in fortnite, Sebastian sees it and teases her about it 👀 i think it might be cute hahah

thank you xxx

Winter Soldier » Sebastian Stan

Pairings: Boyfriend!Sebastian Stan x Gamer/Girlfriend!Reader

Summary: Sebastian sees the Winter Soldier on the game you’re playing and sees how focused you are on him and he teases you about it.

Warnings: Fluff, language, kissing, pet names

A/N: @ordelixx thank you for the lovely request🩵 I apologize if I get anything wrong, because I’ve never played Fortnite.

Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.

Header made by @buckyys-babydoll / divider made by me

GIFS ARE NOT MINE! Gif credits go to the creators.

You always play video games. To you, you think they’re fun. Sebastian thinks it’s cute. He watches you play video games when he can. He even watches you play videos games on FaceTime. You tell him about the game you’re playing while you’re on FaceTime with him when he’s out of town. He loves seeing how concentrated you get. He loves it when you stick out the tip of your tongue when you’re concentrated. He thinks it’s cute.

You and Sebastian FaceTimed earlier. You told him about the game you were thinking about playing. That was earlier. Now you changed your mind about what game you want to play. You decided to scroll through the game options you have to see which one catches your eye the most.

“Ooh.” You say to yourself when a certain game caught your eye.

You clicked on Fortnite. You haven’t played that game in a while. A certain character in the game caught your eye. A new Winter Soldier skin.

“Well, hello there, Mr. Winter Soldier.” You grinned.

You clicked on the Winter Soldier in the game, checking out the new skin Fortnite has for him. It looks more updated. At least that’s what it looks like to you. It also looks interesting to you and you like it. You decided to play around with it. You were so focused on the Winter Soldier in Fortnite that you didn’t even hear your phone when Sebastian texted you, telling you that he’s on his way home. Usually, you text him back within 5 minutes, but you didn’t. Sebastian assumed that your phone was dead so he didn’t think much about it.

A while goes by and you’re still playing around with the Winter Soldier on Fortnite. You checked out all of the gadgets he has and everything the game gave him. Out of concentration, you stuck the tip of your tongue out of your mouth as you stared at the TV screen. You found everything about the Winter Soldier in Fortnite interesting. If you’re being honest, seeing the new Winter Soldier skin on Fortnite made your crush on the Winter Soldier grow even stronger than it was before you clicked on the game.

About an half hour goes by when Sebastian finally comes home. He was away filming for a week. You always greet him at the door with hugs and kisses, but this time you didn’t. He frowns to himself.

“Y/N, are you home?” Sebastian asks.

You didn’t answer him. You were too focused on the Winter Soldier. Sebastian heard you hum to yourself from the living room. He went to the living room to see you playing around on Fortnite. More specifically, playing around the Winter Soldier on Fortnite, which caught his eye.

“Is that the Winter Soldier on that game?” Sebastian asks.

“Yes.” You answered.

Sebastian put his bag on the floor next to the couch and sat down next to you.

“Are you going to greet me or not, sweetheart?” He jokes.

You paused the game and gave Sebastian a hug and a kiss. You two smiled against each other’s lips.

“So when were you going to tell me that the Winter Soldier is on this game?” Sebastian teasingly asks.

“I actually found out about it today.” You say.

You unpaused the game and showed him the features and gadgets Fortnite gave the Winter Soldier.

“I thought you were going to play that other game.” He says.

“I was, but then I changed my mind.” You say.

As you were playing around with the Winter Soldier on Fortnite again, Sebastian decided to tease you.

“So you have a crush on the Winter Soldier, huh?” Sebastian asks in a teasing voice.

“How did you know?” You asked playfully.

“You’re making it pretty obvious, sweetheart.”

You giggled as Sebastian continued to tease you.

“I may have watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier earlier.” You say.

“That explains it.” He says.

“Explains what?” You asked.

“You’re obsessed with the Winter Soldier.” He teases.

“You’re just now figuring that out?” You giggled.

You leaned over and kissed him softly.

“Should I be jealous that you’re in love with the Winter Soldier?” Sebastian jokingly asks.

“Why would you be jealous when I’m dating the man who plays the Winter Soldier?” You say, answering his question with a question.

“Good point.” He pecks your lips softly. “I love you, dragă.” He says softly.

“I love you too, Sebby.” You almost whispered.

-Bucky’s Doll

[book-of-forbidden-knowledge]

An Exhaustive Analysis of the Ninth Gate

(Update to this post.)

For those who don’t know, The Ninth Gate is a 1999 film by Roman Polanski starring Johnny Depp, based on a novel called The Club Dumas by Arturo Pérez-Reverte. It’s about a rare book collector and appraiser called Dean Corso who is hired to authenticate a mysterious grimoire called The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows. The client, Boris Balkan, is convinced that only one of the three surviving copies of the book is authentic, because his attempts to summon the Devil have been unsuccessful. Corso travels throughout Europe, comparing the cryptic woodcuts in the grimoire with those in the two other existing copies. But there’s a series of deaths and other unsettling events around the book, and he has a mysterious girl helping him. As you might expect, this is a spooky-Satanic-cult thriller, but it’s not your average spooky-Satanic-cult thriller.

Occultists love this film, because so much of real occultism consists of pouring over old books and trying to make sense of them, and also because The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows is the most realistic fictional grimoire. Almost everything about it feels extremely authentic — in particular, the set of nine woodcuts that are the key to the film’s mystery. They were drawn by Francisco Sole for the novel, but at first glance, I’d be fooled into thinking they were real seventeenth-century woodcuts. They also utilize plenty of real occult imagery, which gives the film a legitimately spiritual dimension. The woodcuts were so compelling, I immediately tried to figure them out for myself, just as Corso and Balkan do in the film. It’s hard to look at these spooky, arcane images and not go, “But what does it meaaaaan?”

From this point on, I’m going to assume you’ve seen the film. I’m going to try and avoid spoilers for the book, though.

I would argue that the real solution to the engravings is spiritual growth or enlightenment, which is the goal of most occultists. Boris Balkan sort of understands this, which is why he has so much disdain for Telfer and her edgy coven of Hollywood-Satanist cosplayers. Telfer and her coven use The Nine Gates as a prop — they aren’t actually interested in deciphering Lucifer’s secrets. But Balkan also fails, because he’s after power, not enlightenment. In that sense, both Balkan and Telfer misunderstand Lucifer. They believe him to be the kind of Lucifer that you usually see in these kinds of movies, when he is actually a spirit who brings spiritual knowledge to humanity, like the serpent in the garden. If we assume that the Girl is Lucifer (which she explicitly is in the book), then she is more benevolent an influence than anything else. (Hell, Corso doesn’t even suffer any “temptation” consequences from having sex with her!) Corso wins in the end because he puts in the effort, and the Girl judges him worthy. Lucifer’s own versions of the engravings seem to emphasize that s/he is genuinely invested in helping his/her followers towards enlightenment.

Early in the film, Balkan says that the engravings form “a kind of satanic riddle” that will summon the Devil if the engravings are assembled correctly. They’re numbered one through nine. At the end of the film, when Balkan assembles the engravings in the “proper” order, this is his interpretation of the riddle:

To travel in silence, by a long and circuitous route, to brave the arrows of misfortune, and fear neither noose nor fire, to play the greatest of all games and win, foregoing no expense, is to mock the vicissitudes of fate and gain at last the key that will unlock the Ninth Gate.

Well. I can say definitively — as both an occultist, and as a scholar who’s looked at a lot of weird occult pictures in old books — that this is incorrect. And not just because the whole sequence is rearranged.

Last time, I interpreted the engravings in the order of Balkan’s sequence, but this time, I’m going to interpret them in their numbered order, because I personally think that that’s correct. That’s why the numbers are there.

The first engraving shows a knight traveling towards a castle, with his finger to his lips. In the AT version of the engraving, the castle has four towers, while in LCF’s version, it has three. Balkan’s interpretation is “To travel in silence,” and the caption is “Silence is golden.” That caption immediately reminded me of the common occult maxim, “To Know, to Will, to Dare, to Keep Silent,” which is directly referenced in the book. In the book, the caption is different: “Only one who has battled according to the rules will prevail.” But these two captions mean essentially the same thing. The narrator says, “The rule is to know and to keep silent. Even if there is foul play, without the rule, there is no game.” The significance of this maxim is that one should not “cast pearls before swine,” share occult secrets with people who won’t understand or respect them. “Silence is golden” doesn’t have the same occult ring to it as “to know and to keep silent,” but it is a simpler, if pithy, version for the sake of the film.

This the only engraving in which there is no obvious tarot imagery. There are four Knights in tarot, one for each suit — wands, swords, cups, and pentacles. But this knight doesn’t have a symbol of any of the suits, or anything else that would connect him to the tarot knights. The important difference is in the castle towers — three in LCF’s, four in AT’s. In traditional numerology, three is a number symbolizing perfection and creation, as in the Holy Trinity, while four is the number of the solid and material, which is sometimes unlucky. (Source: Richard Cavendish, The Black Arts). Sets of three are especially common in fairy tales and mythology — three siblings, three tasks, three encounters, three magical objects, three questions, three trials or tests, repeating an action three times with the third time being different or conclusive, etc. Lucifer’s castle at the end of the film also has three sets of towers.

In the tarot, the threes also represent the completion of the first stage of a venture — the Three of Wands represents a successful enterprise, the Three of Cups represents celebration and fulfillment, and the Three of Pentacles represents recognition for your achievements. All of them have something to do with attainment except for the Three of Swords, which represents loss, heartbreak, betrayal, etc. The fours aren’t bad, representing stability and structure — the Four of Wands is joyful and peaceful, the Four of Swords takes time to rest and recoup, the Four of Cups is bored and listless, and the Four of Pentacles receives material abundance. All of them are a bit more grounded and material. Four has a spiritual dimension through the four letters of the Tetragrammaton, and has a lot of occult significance through the four elements, four directions, four alchemic properties, etc. Agrippa says that it “makes up all knowledge.” But I think in this instance, the most obvious interpretation of this engraving is that your destination will be either material gain (AT) or spiritual advancement (LCF).

The second engraving, eighth in Balkan’s sequence, shows an old man with a dog, holding two keys in his hand. In AT’s version, the keys are in his right hand, and in LCF’s, they are in his left hand. Balkan’s interpretation is “gain at last the key,” and the caption is “Open that which is closed.”

This is an obvious tarot image. This is clearly The Hermit with his lantern. IX The Hermit represents withdrawing into solitude for contemplation and meditation, to gain spiritual wisdom and awareness. He’s the archetypical guru on a mountain, and he holds the keys to enlightenment. Keys represent access to information, and the ability to pass between worlds. “Open that which is closed” is pretty straightforward — unlock the gates, receive spiritual insight.

LCF’s version has the keys in the left hand instead of the right. The Latin word for “left” is sinistram, and the word “sinister” has its current meaning because left was considered unlucky or Satanic. Left-handed people were discriminated against for this reason, until as late as the mid-20th century. In Western occultism, Satanism is especially associated with the “Left-Hand Path,” which is an iconoclastic approach to magic that emphasizes self-deification. LHPers tend to reject tradition and dogma in favor of individualism. I think that the Right-Hand- and Left-Hand Paths are a bit of a false dichotomy (you use both your hands, don’t you?), but anything Satanic is usually considered part of the Left-Hand Path by default.

Also, that Hebrew symbol next to the Hermit is the one for the number nine. In numerology, nine is a magical number, being three times three. It represents completeness, spiritual achievement, and initiation. So, that’s self-explanatory. In tarot, tens are the ultimate state of completion, so the nines are the penultimate step — the Nine of Wands gives you the strength and willpower to overcome obstacles, the Nine of Cups represents success and contentment, and the Nine of Pentacles represents celebrating an accomplishment. (Once again, the Swords are the outlier, representing fear and despair.) Nines in general are good, the perfection of three multiplied by itself. (The Hermit is also the ninth card of the Major Arcana, if you noticed.)

(All of the engravings actually have Hebrew letters on them, at the top left, but I haven’t actually studied gematria or the significance of the Hebrew alphabet in modern tarot that much. Hebrew isn’t super relevant to my own practice. So I’m going to skip over that.)

All nine engravings have a door somewhere in them, because they’re the nine gates that one must pass through in order to be initiated. The door is the most obvious in this engraving. In the first engraving, you (the Initiate) decided to walk the path. Now, you have to make the choice of whether you’re going to continue on it — take the keys, unlock the door. Shit gets real past this point.

The third engraving depicts a traveler walking towards a bridge. In the clouds above him, there’s a Cupid-like figure with an arrow pointing down at him. Balkan’s interpretation is “to brave the arrows of misfortune,” and the caption is “The lost word keeps the secret.” AT’s version is pictured here; in LCF’s version, there are two arrows, the other one pointing upwards in the quiver.

This traveller looks much more like the traditional Tarot depiction of 0 The Fool than the jester in the fourth engraving. He has his little bindle over his shoulder, and is setting off on an adventure. The Fool is happy-go-lucky and doesn’t notice the danger he might be walking into. According to TV Tropes, “The Fool” trope in media describes a person who, despite their naivete, manages to avoid harm through their luck and innocence. So, the traveler will probably not be hit by the arrow, the same way Corso avoids the collapsing scaffolding. However, in alchemy, Cupid’s arrow represents the universal solvent that reduces all matter to primordial prima materia, the necessary first step of the alchemical process. The essence of love in the arrows represents their higher spiritual nature, so maybe the traveller will have to be hit to continue onward. Corso is hardly an innocent person, but he does walk blindly into solving the Nine Gates mystery, and he wins because he’s not expecting to get anything out of it beyond understanding of it.

The two arrows in the LCF version seem to reinforce the idea of there being two possible outcomes. The arrow pointing up and the other one pointing down could also reference the famous occult maxim, “As above, so below,” adding another spiritual dimension to it. Balkan’s interpretation of the engraving reminded me a lot of a certain famous soliloquy: “To be or not to be, that is the question: / Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer / The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, / Or to take arms against a sea of troubles / And by opposing end them.” In this scene, Hamlet is considering whether or not to take his own life. But when applied to this engraving, these lines seem to once again suggest the two possible outcomes — you can suffer and die, or move on towards your goal.

And then there’s the caption. “The lost word keeps the secret.” Well, it’s pretty obvious what that refers to — the ninth engraving, replaced with a forgery that changes the meaning of the entire thing. The missing engraving contains the secret. But that caption seems completely irrelevant to this engraving, except that the face of the archer doesn’t look remotely like a baby’s, as putti usually do —it looks like an old man’s, specifically, the Ceniza brothers’, who removed and replaced the missing engraving. That was a change made for the sake of the film; in the book version, the archer has a more traditionally angelic face. The book also provides a poem that is supposed to indicate the correct sequence of engravings, which ends with “And when the reflection in the mirror shows the way, / you will find the lost word / which brings light from darkness.” According to Baroness Ungern (Kessler in the film), “the lost word” is the Devil’s true name — the Satanic equivalent of the Tetragrammaton, which turns darkness into light. Finding such a secret necessitates taking some risks.

The fourth engraving, which is second in Balkan’s sequence, is of a jester standing at the entrance to a labyrinth. In LCF’s version the labyrinth’s exit is open, while in AT’s it is bricked up. Balkan interprets this as meaning “by long and circuitous route,” while the caption reads “Fate is not the same for all.” that seems fairly straightforward — Balkan and Corso have different fates. Corso is able to find his way out of the Labyrinth, but Balkan’s exit is bricked up. This is because he never properly experienced the journey the way Corso did, he just wanted the payoff and tried to take shortcuts.

The Labyrinth is a very old symbol, and it carries the dual symbolism of a death trap in which there is a Minotaur, and a path to spiritual enlightenment. It can represent the Underworld or the darkness of the subconscious mind, with the Minotaur being your Shadow. Either you are trapped in the Labyrinth and eaten by the monster, or you find your way back out into the light having gained some self-awareness. The jester is probably meant to represent The Fool again, the naive adventurer who travels over the threshold and into the realm of the subconscious and symbolic, i.e. the Labyrinth. You can be the Fool in the tarot sense, and set off on your spiritual journey, or you can be the fool in the traditional sense, and enter a death trap with no exit.

As for the dice in the foreground, this seems to reinforce the caption’s point about fate. But dice, like tarot cards, can be used as both a game and a divination tool — it is the assumption of the diviner that random chance is always meaningful. And indeed, the visible faces on each die add up to 6 — 666.

The fifth engraving, which is sixth in Balkan’s sequence, depicts a man counting coins while Death stands behind him with a pitchfork and hourglass. Balkan’s interpretation is “and win, foregoing no expense,” while the caption reads “In vain.”

Balkan is an idiot. Exactly like the man in the engraving, he is focused entirely on the money and power, and completely misses the literal shadow of Death standing behind him. How does one overlook the significance of that? There’s a big difference between “I won the game so now I get money” and “in vain”! Of course, this means that Balkan is too focused on material pursuits and misses that he is about to die. In AT’s version, the sand is at the top of the hourglass, while in LCF’s version, it is at the bottom — the man has run out of time. The expression “you can’t take it with you” comes to mind. Money and material goods don’t ultimately matter compared to spiritual growth. Fixation on them is ultimately pointless.

In tarot, XIII Death almost never represents physical death. Instead, it represents change, usually a change for the better. Death is about letting go of old things so that new things can come, stepping through a threshold into another life or state of being. This can be difficult or emotionally painful, but it is necessary and ultimately beneficial. If The Hanged Man is the chrysalis, then Death is the emerging butterfly (the Greek word psyche means both “soul” and “butterfly,” because butterflies represent the souls of the dead). Death is a required step towards enlightenment, and if you refuse to acknowledge this, it isn’t going to go well for you.

The checkerboard floor probably continues to reinforce the theme of duality. As for the pitchfork, maybe the reason Death has a peasant’s pitchfork instead of a scythe is because pitchforks are associated with Satan, or it could be a representation of peasants taking revenge on rich people. Or it could be a reference to American Gothic. I think it’s the first one.

The sixth engraving, fourth in Balkan’s sequence, depicts a man hanging upside-down by his ankle, and an arm with a flaming sword reaching out of a castle tower. Balkan’s interpretation of this is “and fear neither noose nor fire,” which proves he knows fuck all about tarot. No wonder he got the riddle wrong. This one is so blindingly obvious. The man isn’t hanging by his neck, he’s hanging by his foot. He’s the Hanged Man.

XII The Hanged Man is a strange and disturbing card at first glance, but it has become one of my favorites. The Hanged Man is almost never depicted hanging by his neck; he hangs by his foot, and has a serene expression, indicating that he wants to be there. He represents endurance of a period of tribulation, suffering, surrender, or introspection in order to obtain wisdom, enlightenment, self-awareness, and insight. Like the Hermit, he indicates a need to be passive in the service of introspection, but in a different sense: while the Hermit contemplates in solitude, the Hanged Man undergoes some kind of ordeal. He goes through a metamorphosis, just like the caterpillar that hangs upside-down in its chrysalis to become a butterfly. He’s a Christlike figure, evidenced by the halo around his head in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, and the fact that he willingly suffers for a higher purpose. He even wears the same colors as Jesus in Da Vinci’s The Last Supper in the RWS deck, although I’m not sure if that’s on purpose or not. The Hanged Man in the RWS deck hangs by the right foot, but in LCF’s version of the engraving, he hangs by the left foot, maybe reiterating the Left-Hand-Path association.

The caption to the engraving is “I am enriched by death,” which is a million times more meaningful than Balkan’s interpretation. If you’re an occultist, that line is probably self-explanatory. Pretty much everything mystical involves that theme of (symbolically) dying and being resurrected. The alchemical process has three stages — nigredo, which is death, albedo, which is the ascension of the soul, and rubedo, which is returning to life in a “purified” body as a more spiritual being. The Hero’s Journey follows this same pattern — the hero entering the Underworld or the Labyrinth and facing trials that allow them to spiritually ascend and achieve apotheosis (or something close to it). It’s everywhere in books, movies, and video games. It is the initiation ritual. Most occultists figuratively go through it in one way or another. And in tarot, XII The Hanged Man is at the rough midpoint of the Fool’s journey through the Major Arcana, and immediately followed by XIII Death. It is a difficult step, but a prerequisite for spiritual advancement. “I am enriched by death.” You cannot be reborn as a new and better version of yourself without first having died.

(It is sort of odd that this engraving comes after the one representing Death, though. In a tarot deck, it directly precedes Death.)

I don’t have much to say about the flaming sword. It could be foreshadowing Balkan’s death (more on that later), or it could represent the flaming sword of the angel of Eden (i.e. guarding spiritual knowledge, which Satan famously offered to humans). It could also be a symbol of burning away the old self, which relates to the Hanged Man image. It’s also held in the left hand.

The seventh engraving, fifth in Balkan’s sequence, is of a king and a peasant playing a chess game. Two dogs are fighting in the background, and the moon can be seen through the window. In AT’s version, the board is black, and in LCF’s, the board is white. Balkan interprets it as “to play the greatest of all games,” and the caption is “The disciple surpasses the master.”

The tarot symbolism that I see here is that of XVIII The Moon, which has dogs baying at it in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck. The Moon represents the subconscious, imagination, and dreams, but also nightmares, madness, and illusion. The illusion here is probably the missing engraving being replaced by the forgery. The themes of the subconscious are again reinforced. Underneath the Moon, a black dog and a white dog fight each other, almost seeming to create a yin/yang shape — this brings the dark and the light into balance, the same way the Moon spends equal times dark and bright as it goes through its phases. The game is chess, which is played with black and white pieces, and the board is either black or white. The game seems to be a draw, making the peasant and the king equals, just as the dogs are unable to defeat each other. So, this engraving is all about reconciling dualities.

There’s another layer to this. God is the “King of Kings,” so this could demonstrate a human becoming God’s equal. This is basically the goal of occultism — to become like God, in some form. Left-Hand Path’ers in particular seem to like the idea of becoming gods themselves, or even “surpassing” God. Since the book was created by Lucifer, this could tie in to Lucifer’s desire to become God’s equal that got him cast out of Heaven (but I’m not the biggest fan of that story, so I won’t go any further with that). To the occultist, man can participate in divinit, just as God can become a man — as above, so below. That’s also a form of reconciling the duality of human and divine.

The caption, “The disciple surpasses the master,” probably refers to this, but it could also refer to Corso surpassing Balkan and succeeding where Balkan failed. Any good teacher wants their students to have learned so well that they surpass them. God (or Lucifer) intends for his disciples to surpass him, but Balkan tries (and fails) to prevent Corso from surpassing him.

The eighth engraving, which is seventh in Balkan’s sequence, depicts a praying man about to be bludgeoned by a knight with a mace, with the Wheel of Fortune in the background. In LCF’s version, the knight with the mace has a halo. Balkan’s interpretation is “to mock the vicissitudes of fate” and the caption says “Virtue is defeated.”

This engraving is the most changed between its book and film version, so much so that it changes the meaning significantly. The figures in the engravings were altered for the film to make them look like the actors: this one depicts Balkan hitting Corso in the back of the head with a mace, which happens in the film. The halo around Balkan’s head in the LCF engraving makes very little sense, since Balkan obviously isn’t the hero here. Is this about villains defeating virtuous people? Corso isn’t exactly a virtuous person.

The book clarified this engraving for me. In the book, the engraving depicts a knight about to behead a lady:

Long story short, the book has a whole second plot revolving around a manuscript of The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas. The woman in this engraving is identified with Milady, one of the villains of The Three Musketeers. The knight has a halo in LCF’s version because his execution of her is righteous. He’s the protagonist whom we’re supposed to be rooting for, and she’s the villain whom we’re supposed to despise. As for the caption, virtue is defeated when the protagonists sacrifice their moral high ground in order to defeat the villains, which will inevitably require force, violence, or deception. All of that gets lost in the film’s version.

This is also an alchemical image of beheading, which represents dissolution, the “nigredo” or spiritual death. The praying person represents the matter of the Philosopher’s Stone, and the weapon represents “mercurial water,” the universal solvent that dissolves the matter into prima materia so it can be remade. This is the first major step in the alchemical process, which separates the soul from the body and paves the way for initiation and spiritual understanding. So, that reiterates the death/rebirth theme of the sixth engraving. In this context, the halo indicates that this stage is necessary for spiritual development.

The Wheel of Fortune in the background is a medieval motif that shows how the whims of fate are apparently random. Some get to be kings, others are serfs, and your fortunes can turn at any moment. Just when you think everything is great, someone hits you on the back of the head. In tarot, X The Wheel of Fortune means exactly what you would expect it to — a twist of fate, a change of fortune. Whether it’s for better or for worse depends on the context and the cards around it. Life is full of ups and downs, so enjoy what you’ve got while you have it, etc. Sometimes when it shows up, it can mean that you should trust in fate. Nothing about this card suggests mocking it.

And finally, we come to the ninth and final engraving. This depicts a woman who looks suspiciously like the Girl reading a book, ostensibly The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows, and riding a dragon with seven goatlike heads. There is a castle in the background, and the castle is a real place. There are three versions of the engraving — this one, which is signed by AT and has the castle as-is, a forged LCF engraving that shows the castle in flames, and the real one. Balkan’s interpretation is “that will unlock the Ninth Gate,” and the caption is “Now I know that from Darkness comes Light.”

The woman is apparently an image of the “Whore of Babylon” from Revelations, who rides a seven-headed dragon. I’m not really sure what she’s supposed to represent, beyond being generally Satanic. Of course, Crowley recast her as a sex goddess; in Thelema, Babylon is the feminine version of the divine creative principle. The seven heads of her dragon are significant — seven is the number of secrets, mysteries, magic, introspection, and searching for inner truth, which have been running themes this whole time. Seven also signifies creation, completeness, and rest, since God created the world in seven days. In tarot, the sevens present a new challenge after the perfection of the sixes — the Seven of Wands brings new obstacles that require determination to overcome; the Seven of Cups represents imagination, dreams, and illusions, so back to The Moon again (and the illusion of the forgery); the Seven of Swords represents deception or a con artist (like the Ceniza twins, or maybe Balkan); and the Seven of Pentacles represents a threshold or a new opportunity, and reflecting on one’s achievements. That all aligns scarily well with the situation here.

The critical illusion is that the “LCF” engraving with the burning castle is a forgery. So, Balkan sets himself on fire for no reason other than egomania. This image is similar to XVI The Tower in Tarot:

The Tower is one of the scariest cards to get. If Death is a difficult but beneficial change, The Tower is a dramatic turn for the worse, complete destruction and devastation. It is struck by lightning and destroyed, going up in flames. I drew this card shortly before the pandemic hit. That was The Tower — destruction, upheaval, devastation, but with the promise of rebuilding. I also had to deal with a lot of emotional turmoil because of an unrelated thing that happened around the same time, and it shook me to my core. So, obviously the forged engraving leads to Balkan’s destruction.

The true ninth LCF engraving shows the sun shining from behind one of the castle’s towers:

Replacing The Tower with The Sun is a drastic difference. If The Tower is one of the worst cards to get, XIX The Sun is one of the best. The Sun is a good omen in every capacity. It represents everything that these engravings have been working towards — spiritual growth, fulfillment, success, enlightenment, revelation of secrets, good fortune, etc. It fits right in with Lucifer’s status as the Light Bringer, and it is the solution. (The true engraving is also very reminiscent of The Star, which directly follows The Tower, and represents hope and the light at the end of the tunnel.) The jagged rocks at the bottom of the castle in the other two versions are missing here, and the castle is more accessible, with a visible path. The woman gestures directly to it.

The rest of the scene is much more shadowed in the true version, which fits right in with the caption: “Now I know that from Darkness comes Light.” I, in my obsession with Shadow work, interpret this as confronting the dark parts of oneself and bringing them out into the light to become a whole person, and to grow spiritually. This goes back to the Labyrinth, needing to enter the dark Underworld or the realm of the subconscious in order to gain spiritual wisdom and finally achieve enlightenment. Everything in the engravings seems to point back to that — needing a period of introspection, reconciling of duality, obtaining safe passage through the various trials until you see The Sun, which is followed by Judgement (resurrection) and The World (fulfillment). The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows are like the seven gates of the Underworld that Inanna must pass through (and that eight-pointed star is a symbol of Inanna). Corso passes through the Ninth Gate, out of the Kingdom of Shadows and into the light.

Throughout all of this, the Devil acts as the facilitator of Corso’s initiation. As the Supreme Magus and the bearer of spiritual knowledge, she (he? it?) set this book out in to the world in the hopes that someone will complete the nine stages of their initiation and reach enlightenment. The power that Balkan seeks is like a side-effect of that enlightenment. When you achieve mastery, you do get power, but power was never the point. If you seek power first, you’re more likely to be led astray. Not that The Devil cares either way — I’m sure it’s all very amusing to her.

So now we’re left with one more piece of the riddle: the correct order of the engravings. This requires a bit more context from the book, which provides this poem as a clue to the correct sequence:

It is the animal with the tail in its mouth that encircles the labyrinth. where you will go through eight doors before the dragon which comes to the enigma of the word. Each door has two keys: one is air and the other matter, but both are the same thing. You will place matter on the serpent’s skin in the direction of the rising sun, and on its belly the seal of Saturn. You will break the seal nine times, And when the reflection in the mirror shows the way, you will find the lost word which brings light from darkness.

(This sounds so authentic, I went and checked to see if it was referencing a real alchemical text.)

Based on this, I’m guessing that the fourth engraving is supposed to be first: the Fool setting out on their journey through the Labyrinth, which is identified with the ouroboros, the serpent eating its own tail. The ouroboros represents prima materia, the innate interconnectedness of everything, and the cyclical nature of life and death. Next, “the enigma of the word” references the caption of the third engraving, braving whatever danger to discover forbidden knowledge. The mention of two keys refers to the second engraving: the two keys themselves, of air and matter, refer to the alchemical states of “fixed” (material) and “volatile” (spiritual). They are “the same thing” because, in alchemy, matter must be converted between fixed and volatile states over and over and over again, until it reaches a perfect balance of the two, which is the Philosopher’s Stone. Beyond that, I’m kind of at a loss. There aren’t any other obvious references to the engravings in the rest of the poem, and the remaining lines are much harder to interpret. Here’s my best guess: The “serpent’s skin” reflects the scale pattern above the door in the seventh engraving, where the chess players are carefully placing pieces. The “seal of Saturn” probably refers to the seventh engraving, since Saturn is associated with death and frugality. Breaking the seal nine times might refer to the eighth engraving, of the beheading, and the reflection in the mirror might refer to the sixth engraving, since the Hanged Man is all about introspection. The final line about bringing light from darkness of course refers to the ninth engraving.

But I’m guessing at this point. It seems these engravings still have secrets to reveal to me! Hey, at least I know more about it than the book’s equivalent of Balkan, who takes the poem extremely literally. It goes about as well for him as it does for film!Balkan. Maybe I'm reading too deep into it, but it sure is fun!

[ebi-noodle-doodles]

Life update update long vent:

and i just want to thank you for everyone who replied and gave support. I honestly kept reading your replies while I lay on bed that time. It felt comforting in a way. Now….I lost someone dear and close to me again this same month.

It’s gut wrenching to be at this age where you will witness and will always have the fresh memories and wound of those who will pass before you. I lost my Uncle today. It’s really wild to think that someday this mourning and grief will happen to me again once anyone in a family member passes, that is assuming I’m alive to see.

My last conversations with him was not meaningful in anyway and I somewhat feel shit about it. I never got a chance to say anything before the operation.

I never got to unpack my bags and it felt like a cruel sign. My back has been hurting from the constant plane rides back and forth outside and inside of the country & province. What more my folks who endured and did more than my body ever will?

Now I ponder this thoughts behind in my head in every moment that one day my folks too will leave me in this earth and I will never be prepared for it. Its hurts and weird that I think about it more often than I thought I ever would and in a sense I am in a long waiting game of already grieving about their passing even when they’re alive and (maybe) well in front of me.

I am going “home” (province) back again to attend his funeral. Our Funeral isn’t quiet or solemn but loud and full of whaling. The first 3 days will be crowded full of people and the last 4, totaling of 7 will probably be also full of people contrast to most funerals I attended, as many people and communities loved him.

Its so unfair, we were supposed to go back to Japan together. Life is weird, Death is weird, Living to experience all of this is weirder.

One year and two people gone, who knows what will happen next. In fact I’m scared to think about it yet I cant stop thinking about it.

You could say our entire “clan” is going home to prepare for his funeral. He was always a posh man, he always took care of his appearance and health, to think that he would be gone like this.

I havent gotten back to work with commissions as I’m traveling back and fourth around to attend to funerals and businesses. In the back of my head I should prepare because anytime soon something can happen to my folks and it scares me that I’m doing this “mental preparation” even though i know nothing could ever prepare me.

life update (if anyone cares lmao)

I’m currently omw to my province. My Gran Aunt passed away earlier evening. I know I’m in a light mood right now but I know later tension and emotions will explode once we land- or maybe even before that.

Death is weird. Is it weird to say that ive been somewhat expecting and preparing for her time? Just last year Nov my aunt suddenly passed away and everyone was in shock of how sudden it happened but now I’m experiencing the opposite where I know my Gran Aunt “has been given a death date”

I’m writing this now because I feel confused, conflicted, and feel like i’m grieving wrong (again) I know Ive grieved before<?> as many relatives and families close to me have passed away but every death makes me confuse and question how I’d did it or if I’m doing it right even. It feels to me, I am cheating the grieving process as I am constantly distracting myself because honestly its tiring. I feel like an Elf with a long life span seeing everyone go and someday it will be those dearly close to me and sometimes it scares me because I can’t tell how much distraction I need to live on.

I’m just typing words here. Sometimes it makes me realize things and sometimes it clears up things but most time it just fogs it up but in a healthy way I guess.

I always see movies who grieve silently, sometimes I wish I could do that. In our culture however we don’t. We cry, and the cries are contagious. You will witness the toughest men shed all tears and sorrows whaling for forgiveness from the dead, and it’s contagious, it’s contagious it’s contagious…

Part of mr understands the silly life span we have and part of me doesn’t. This might be weird for me to say but the internet has been really desensitizing my views and feelings towards death but when the real deal happens, i feel lost.

writing this has been somewhat a help, I will update soon or maybe not. I always go to tumblr to read reblogs and replies in my posts, it lifts me up most times and weirdly, I also feel free typing this here.

[nerdgirlriot]

found on Bluesky: a Dreamwidth post with lots of coverage of the current situation with Neil Gaiman, for those who wish to keep up and keep informed

[egophiliac]

I love the idea of teenage Malleus hating his new baby brother Silver but slowly falling for him

words cannot express how much I adore that Mal's reaction to seeing a human baby for the first time was "the fuck is this. why does it look like that. gross." (then he immediately got stuck on babysitting duty and the rest is history)

I am SUCH a sucker for that trope of "non-humans being fascinated by normal human behavior", so between that and all the delicious angst going on I was eating VERY well. >:) Malleus being so impressed that two-year-old Silver can walk, because it took him twenty years to stand on two legs! Lilia barging in on the Zigvolts at 2 AM being like "he won't stop crying what do I do"! Lilia trying to feed Silver rats and Malleus being like "...please just stick with what the books say to feed it"! it is all so. chef's kiss.

[dead-minecraft-fandoms]

things are going great with team bat . nothing bad is happening with any of them

[noimnotdeadyet]

ngl

i was kinda squinting at the end cuz uh

did this tumblr drabble about Yanqing slipping into Jing Yuan's soul soothing starskiff by any chance happen to mention a bonus of if Yanqing crawled into dead Jing Yuan's arms in his final moments? o.o cuz uh, i did post about that once...

(maybe a coincidence but i thought it was funny)

Jing Yuan... buddy... =_= did you never get that checked out? god dammit imagine Blade doesnt know either and is surprised when its brought up like "what? theyre fae?? when did this happen did the mara make me forget???"

confuzzled

Jingliu & Dan Heng are surrounded by idiots

found family do be like that ngl o7 the power of love and fuck this shit this is my real family now

YESSSSS THE YANQING CONTENT CREATORS ARE SO DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE I AM ON MY KNEES EVERY TIME I SEE AN UPDATE (i was literally just reading the new chapter of Between These Wings A Sun Shines by MageWriterSola before this lmao) I SIMPLY MUST STOP TO READ

oh god and my heart just soaring when the True Blue Yanqing Artbook was announced like YESSSSSSSS LETS. FUCKING. GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yanqing getting the love he deserves, gotta be one of my favorite genders/ref

the angst... dw Jing Yuan fanfic exists there are worlds where you can have both :) just not that one

... sometimes i wonder about a world where a diddly dimension traveling Jing Yuan who lost his Yanqing finds a Yanqing who lost his Jing Yuan and they kind of comfort each other thru their healing process <3 there we go problem solved the sad aus can just adopf each other

Jing Yuan we knew you werent exactly prepared to raise a kid when you took Yanqing in but HOLY SHIT? OH LORD HELO YANQING?? CAN WE ALL COLLECTIVELY SAY THANK YOU FEIXIAO FOR BEING A GOOD AUNTIE???

reminds me of the video i was just watching about the Lilo & Stitch sequel "Stitch has a Glitch" where the conflict is somethinf is going on with him but Jumba doesnt fucking talk about it so sveryone things Stitch is a bitch but its actually outside of his control where HOKY SHIT YANQING NO ITS NOT YOUR FAULT I LOVE YOU BUT YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION TI THINGS BEING TO BLAME YOURSELF IS CONCERNINGLY FAMILIAR TO ME CUZ I DO THAT TOO BUT ALSO NO HONEY? ITS NOT?? ITS JUST SMTH NOBODY TOLD YOU ABOUT???

(Jing Yuan actually tell Yanqing about smth important instead of leaving him in the dark challenge impossible :/)

how unfortunate things cant run on love alone :( or else nothing would ever touch these two cuz we FUCKING ADORE THEM

imagine before the custody battle Yanqing was going to be stripped of his position bc Jing Yuan was worried hed get himself killed with how badly he'd been acting up but ofc doesnt say shit so Yanqing assumes hes being punished and possibly thrown away... this family needs some weighted blankets man

sneak peek of a tentative timeline for my erudition yanqing fic!! ughh ive only got like 3 chapters of the mainfic done and i need to post the prequel before i can post the mainfic & for this one im trying to get the whole fic written before starting to post, instead of like swmtbb where i write as i post. UGHH I HATE THIS KID

in case you're wondering why swmtbb updates so slow... its bc of 1. writers block and 2. this fuckign thing but i prommy its worth it i love this fic

[serpentface]

What are each of the main cast’s favourite foods, and how to they reflect what they grew up eating/their background/broader cultural trends?

Key for the constructed foods that come up in this post:

Nara: a type of citrus fruit, comparable to a lime in sourness. Peledyo: a type of fermented fish sauce used as seasoning in of itself or a base for other sauces. (This is a knockoff of irl garum). This is FUNDAMENTAL to Imperial Wardi cuisine, and closely analogous/connected variants are produced by all the peoples of the Viper as well as across most of the Lowlands (southeast of Imperial Wardin). Magah: a type of tuberous root vegetable. Similar to a potato, but coming from a wholly different plant and more strongly flavored (notes of cabbage) with yellow-orange flesh. Heavily cultivated in the Highlands and considered more of a famine food elsewhere in Imperial Wardin. Yute: a cultivar in the same species as magah with purple flesh and a sweeter taste, a staple in the mountainous parts of Kosov and some other parts of the Burri Republic. Gaiyi: a brassica cultivar used in Kos cuisine, resembling broccolini. Completely absent in Imperial Wardin. Yamnina reyla: the premier spice blend used in Wardi cuisines, it has some regional variants but its core ingredients are crushed chilis, coriander, cumin, and firebug (imparts little flavor but significant reddish-orange color that gives this mix its name), all ground together. Camiche: an edible seed, eaten as a nut. Kolis: a cactus-like plant with edible fruits and young shoots. The fruit tastes like watermelon and is very sweet, but has more sour notes. Anuje: a sap extracted from one of the region's few native palms, has a sweet, molasses-esque flavor. This is the staple sweetener and culturally favored over honey in most provinces, consumption of honey is generally seen as a 'rural' thing]

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Tigran spent the first 11 years of his life in pretty extreme poverty as an agricultural laborer so did not have a lot of exciting food. His family is Ubiyan-Wardi (pretty rare ethnic minority in the region, mostly descending from people hired or enslaved as war captives and/or indentured servants for labor by Imperial Bur at its height). Many of these people formed communities that retain their cultural identity to this day, but these largely occur in the north and in the province of Lobera. Most people with Ubiyan heritage in South Wardin come from more isolated lines that fully integrated and intermarried with the Wardi(nae) population, and are heavily 'Wardinized' in the present day.

Tigran's family is an example of one with this cultural heritage being largely lost- they know that much of their ancestry comes from far northeast across the Viper but they don't know from where exactly. They are culturally South Wardi but with some traditions (and names, 'Tigran' and 'Otto' are both Ubiyan given names in origin) that have survived passed down from parent to child. To the point of this post, a lot of these traditions involve food.

He mostly ate a pretty typical South Wardi agricultural diet with the majority of his meals being variations on maize and lentil porridge, yams, onions, dairy, and foraged plants. His village also reared horses for milk and wool and ducks and fowl for eggs (and occasionally meat). He lived right on the Brilla River so would get the benefit of meat from fish or the occasional wild duck or goose. When he was 5 someone in his village killed a bull crocodile that had been eating their horses and they all had a big pit roast with it to celebrate, but he barely remembers this.

A major Ubiyan cultural element that he experienced in his childhood diet was a form of pasta. His mother and grandmother would make pasta out of maize dough in the shape of a cowrie, which they just referred to as 'little shells'. They had a secret ingredient used to toughen the consistency of the maize dough to hold the shape but wouldn't tell him, since this was apparently only for the women to know. His mother planned on teaching his future wife to make these little shells, and made it very clear she wouldn't let him marry any woman who couldn't get the technique down. To celebrate the new year, they would make a larger variant stuffed with soft horsemilk cheese, explaining that it was for good luck and abundance in the next year. This was never a Favorite food of his as a child (his favorite was the joyous occasion he got to eat fatty, non-gamey domestic duck), but he's never been able to find these little shells anywhere else, hasn't seen his family since he was 11, and misses it.

His FAVORITE food is duck. The best meal he's probably ever had was roast duck glazed with date wine, dried nara, chilis, and a little bit of peledyo. Duck is central fare for a holiday that is timed when the reed ducks return to the region and start to breed. This moment is recognized as the transition from a period of seasonal barrenness to abundance (the mid rainy season through mid dry season span in which plant life flourishes, ends with the last harvest periods for most staple crops). It involves a feasting day in which most people make meals based around preserved fruits/vegetables, early wild forage, and duck (hunted or slaughtered).

Tigran completing his initiation as a Galenii monk (which involves a year of only taking food received via begging) timed itself very close to this festival occurring. So not only did he Finally get to eat regular meals, but he had never in his entire LIFE tasted anything so good. He was 12 years old and was guided by his mentor into an epiphany that like, 'this IS what it's all for, guaranteeing that we have the season of abundance year after year. AND more importantly I get to eat really really really good meals provided by the temple'.

---

Palo grew up in the very cushy end of the mercantile commoner class with his father being a guild glassmaker, and lived in the province Odkotonnos (one of the more agriculturally rich) and city of Godsmouth proper (THE center of trade), so he had regular access to a decent variety of pretty good food. He and most of his family are first generation immigrants from Kosov (a province of the contemporary Burri Republic, occupying the same latitude as South Wardin). He moved as a baby and grew up eating a lot of Kos food in addition to the general western Wardi diet (which itself has a heavy Burri/Kos/Titen influence).

(The most immediately distinctive difference between these and Wardi cuisines is staple grains/starches often being eaten in the form of noodles, which is more broadly a characteristic of a wide span of the Inner Seaways peoples west of the Mouth. The other big difference is a fermented corn sauce (functionally similar to soy sauce) being the foundational umami flavoring, rather than the peledyo fish sauce that is a staple in Wardin)

He also spent a cumulative few years of his life in Kosov and there had the favorite thing he's ever eaten, which is a mung bean noodle dish with catfish, yute, gaiyi, spinach, onions, and a chili-olive oil sauce. Some of the core ingredients are rare if not absent in Imperial Wardin (magah is generally considered a famine food and not widely cultivated outside of the Highlands, gaiyi grows in the humid montane conditions found in southwestern Kosov, and this particular kind of catfish was notably tastier to him than commonly eaten Wardi species) so he's never had this exact dish or a close equivalent since.

Otherwise his diet throughout most of his life was very seafood heavy in addition to staple grains, starches, and legumes. He dislikes most non-fish meat and hates the texture of fat, so eats a lot of whitefish when given the chance.

One thing that actually like, comes up in canon as a thing he really loved is seabass he ate at social events with his family. The bass is roasted whole and (along with other elements of the meal) surrounded by dips and condiments. You pick up the fish meat with pieces of pounded yam and dip/scoop up condiments before eating it. On a really nice occasion, condiments could include fermented corn sauce in plain and semi-sweet form, Basically Aioli (a blend of mashed garlic and olive oil), several types of peledyo (sweet anuje-wine peledyo, bitter vinegar peledyo, plain salty peledyo, etc), several hot sauces (the typical formula here is different kinds of chilis mixed with olive oil, cumin, coriander, garlic, and citrus juice, all mashed into a liquid paste), a sweet anuje-garlic sauce, chopped onions/parsley raw in citrus juice, a mash of peas + onions cooked in duckfat, fermented salted crab roe, plain olive oil, chili-olive oil, etc.

This style of eating is an aspect of the Burri cultural sphere (and the Odkotonnos provincial subculture by extension), utilized for meals during intimate social gatherings. A main course of meat cooked minimally (or wholly un-)seasoned and served with a variety of sauces and seasonings to be sampled independently aims to bring out and emphasize each component's unique qualities. A palate cleanser (usually a weak wine infused with a citrus fruit's juice) is sipped in between. This also had/has levels religious function; the traditional condiments in this meal (most of which aren't represented here) are connected to major deities of the Burri pantheon, and the diversity and abundance of the meal is recognized as the gods' many gifts made manifest (and some of each are left as offerings in a home shrine).

Palo and his family are practitioners of the Faith of the Seven Faced God (a sect of which has spread into the Burri Republic, where it is currently a very significant religious minority) and have been for several generations. So the religious aspects were framed differently in his experience, but have similar functions in representing the great abundance that God provides. (He was also brought up instructed to leave some of the corn sauce Specifically as an offering in the household shrine. This sauce is a staple across cuisines in the Burri sphere and a key offering to Vazhirum, the goddess of maize, patron of the city Titenegal, and functionally the chief agricultural deity of the pantheon. Offerings of the sauce to agricultural Faces is retained as a practice in Burri sphere sects of the Faith).

Anyway Palo mournfully thinks about this delicious seabass meal with his extended family while sitting in an alleyway with Tigran and choking down unseasoned boiled pigeon (that the guy literally caught by hand) with pounded yam, not a condiment in sight.

---

Brakul was raised in a low cattle-wealth clan in the West Rivers region of the Highlands. He lived in the Urbin river valley, which is one of the largest and most agriculturally fruitful (though his clan itself was located upland and could not grow a lot of this themselves). The West Rivers Hill Tribes have an amicable trade relationship with the province of Ephennos, so he had a fair deal of exposure to Wardi trade goods, but this didn't affect his diet much. He grew up eating an everyday diet consisting of the core staples of barley + amaranth + magah + LOTS of dairy products, in addition to some hunted/fished meat and foraged wild plants.

Crayfish was his favorite food growing up. He lived in immediate proximity to several creeks, so freshwater food (crayfish, trout, mussels, frogs) could be a pretty major portion of his diet during the summers. On some occasions, crayfish and mussels would be boiled to make a broth with chilis and onions, then served in a soup with yogurt, barley, butter, fennel, and magah. This was his absolute favorite meal and he particularly liked the crayfish themselves (his brother didn't, so would trade his crayfish for Brakul's mussels).

Living in a coastal city and being introduced to the concept of Crabs and Lobsters (it's like a crayfish but HUGE) later in life was lifechanging. Crab meat is now his absolute favorite food. He sometimes attempts to recreate the crayfish boil dish with crab (he does a pretty solid job but the yogurt always ends up curdled). He's also a fan of a dish where a softshell crab is fried and then coated with a concentrated sticky sweet peledyo sauce.

He's pretty enthusiastic about trying new foods (and benefited tremendously from having a rich boyfriend who can facilitate this) and has decided that anara is the best game the lowlands has to offer. Their tails are VERY rich, tender, and fatty, very good roasted with a sweet+spicy sauce. He first experienced this at the wedding of one of Janeys' cousins and now insists on eating it regularly/pursuing anara on hunts over more favored game like gazelle and nechoi. There's also a greater variety of alcoholic beverages available, and he's become fond of the a very decadent form of date wine sweetened with anuje and imported cardamom.

He also likes + misses a dish composed of feydhi (highlands khait) fat which is rendered, mashed with dried berries and a little honey, left out in the snow to chill solid, and then sliced and eaten on bread. This is a staple in midwinter feasts and a special treat. Its considered an obligation for each tribe's chief clan to fatten some of their khait on grain and then provide their fat to their constituents for this feast (the ability to Afford to give this gift effectively demonstrates + reinforced their power). Young children and pregnant women get first dibs/the biggest helpings (regarded as good for a growing body, helps pack fat on for the lean season) so there's a childhood nostalgia aspect to it. It's something he would look forward to every year.

He hasn't had any access to this dish whatsoever in South Wardin, as khait are virtually never slaughtered except as an act of desperation (culturally considered to be poor meat in general) and the Coldest winter temperatures average in the high 40s F (sub-freezing temperatures and snow Happen but not predictably or regularly) which is not adequate to cool fat to the desired consistency. This is particularly torturous because feydhi are actually quite common in South Wardin as pack animals and have a tendency to get VERY fat on the seasonal abundance of grass (being an 'easy keeper' landrace adapted to having nutritional needs met by much poorer mountain forage). His khait She-Bites is a feydhi and was sold to him cheap (on account of behavioral issues), he was originally intending to have her butchered but got too attached.

---

Etsushir grew up in a clanless Jazaiti community, in a coastal fishing town northeast from the city of Wardin proper. The existence of clanless Jazait mingling with Wardi populations long predates Imperial Wardin as an entity, but these communities have grown substantially in the past two centuries, in large part due to heavy encroachment on Jazaiti fishing territory causing major subsistence issues and driving many people to look for employment to sustain themselves. They are very marginalized ethnic minorities and tend to form distinct sub-communities amid their Wardi counterparts, but the decentralized structure of Jazait society and certain practices (like polyandrous marriage and minimization of reproductive females in any given family) cannot be fully retained in these settings (both on the levels of pure logistics and a result of disenfranchisement). As such, these groups tend to experience a degree of 'Wardinization', which affects all aspects of life, and in this case The Food.

Etsushir would have grown up in large part eating a typical coastal South Wardi diet (lots of maize porridges, lentils, and fish), in addition to exploiting uncultivated resources that his human Wardi counterparts physically cannot (certain grasses especially) or culturally Do not (only a couple seaweeds are considered good eating).

His favorite food is part of the Fusion Cuisine found in some of these partly Wardinized Jazaiti communities. It's a dish consisting of several kinds of seaweed mixed with hominy and raw tuna that has all been marinated in vinegar peledyo. His family and wider community have adopted the Faith Of The Seven Faced God and practice what would be considered a syncretic folk-variant. The Jazaiti Moonfather (who created tuna and sometimes takes the form of one) is associated with the Face Mitlamache, and tuna is often eaten in place of beef during the Mitlamache-focused maize planting festival. His family getting to catch, keep, and eat their own tuna would have been a special occasion largely reserved for these celebrations.

(The strictly Jazaiti version of this dish uses seaweed and fish in addition to the young shoots of a type of grass, all cured in nuji (VERY bitter native citrus, not commonly eaten by humans) juice. Elowey and human chemical sense of taste overlaps considerably, but elowey can digest a wider range of plant matter and have a substantially more complex experience with bitter tastes, a lot of foods from elowey cuisines are distastefully bitter to human palates)

He also has the genes for lactase persistence (VERY rare in the Jazait population, as well as the broader White Sea elowey population group). He doesn't like yogurt and finds adults drinking milk to be mildly disturbing, but is very fond of cheese. He prefers cowsmilk cheeses over the slightly more common and accessible horsemilk, and likes a fairly common Wardi cheese dish (a soft cowsmilk cheese cooked in a pepper/onion sauce and eaten atop grits).

---

Faiza (and every other character from here on) is in the noble class and grew up eating a substantially more varied, calorie rich, and meat heavy diet than the average person. This doesn't mean that every meal is Very Fancy, they're still ultimately reliant on most of the same basic staples as the lower classes, but their everyday diet includes More of these staples at once, with more variety, more spices, and a much more regular addition of meat.

The Haidamanes are all multiethnic (most relevant here is that their father was Titen on his mother's side and South Wardi on his father's), they're squarely South Wardi in terms of cultural identity but were brought up eating some Titen cuisine on a more than incidental basis. Faiza was the only one of her siblings that was notably into this, she thinks the noodles are fun. A favorite standby would be a dish made with very thick mung bean noodles, chickpeas, pre-roasted horse udder, cabbage, and onion, which is all fried together in fermented corn sauce and garlic-olive oil.

Faiza really likes salutachin dog meat, most commonly eaten in a dish where it is roasted with a rub of olive oil, garlic, date wine, and smoked yamnina reyla. Salutachin is a dog breed specifically raised for meat and is a South-Wardi specific practice in the present day (livestock dog types fed on plant matter used to be more common across the region. Burri influence contributed to the notion (already extant in some Wardi groups) that ANY form of dog meat is unclean, and the practice is extinct or rare in most other parts).

This is kind of a luxury food and regarded as a delicacy. It's of critical importance that salutachin stock is kept entirely 'pure' and prevented from breeding with ANY other dogs, and fattened on exclusively vegetarian diets, generally maize and yams (this partly stems from wider dietary taboos surrounding consumption of predators, but largely just improves the taste of the meat). They can be more costly to maintain than other types of livestock (which will help feed themselves via grazing) or working dogs (which aren't supposed to be eaten and thus can be fed on any number of scraps). As such, it tends to be fairly expensive and reserved for special occasions, and is a mainstay at South Wardi wedding feasts.

Faiza has a notable childhood memory of being at her uncle's wedding, feeding a scrap of salutachin to one of the hunting dogs, and experiencing a kind of sick, nervous thrill at compelling a good animal to cannibalism. She interacts with food taboos/taboos in general more skeptically than average and experiences temptations to violate them, though she's never actually gone through with it on the food level. She doesn't ultimately disagree with any of them though, just interprets their necessity through her proto-materialist philosophical background instead of the strictly spiritual angle. She's very fixated with the stories of Godsmouth civilians starving to death in the siege resorting to eating feral dogs (which is VERY taboo) that had themselves eaten human corpses (thus this is like, the worst thing you could possibly eat short of an actual human corpse). She's kind of fascinated with cannibalism in general.

---

Hibrides is from the city/province Erubinnos and predominantly of Yuroma-Wardi ethnicity. This refers to descendents of a Yuroma ethnic group first arrived as refugees several centuries prior, and is considered an Imperial Wardi subculture in the present day (practicing the state religion and fully integrated into the broader cultural sphere, but retaining a sub-identity).

Erubinnos has a near-equivalent makeup of South Wardi and Yuroma-Wardi inhabitants and its regional cuisine is influenced by both groups. (Some distinctive Yuroma elements are the regular consumption of raw fish, heavy specialization into smoked and cured meats (as a culinary form rather than a practicality), use of squid ink, and favoring of rice (which was first brought here by Yuroma migrants)). So Hibrides spent her first 15 years of life eating a bougie version of this diet before being moved to the province of Wardin for marriage.

She's a Very picky eater and has a lot of dislikes- she doesn't like most whitefish, most freshwater fish in general, tuna (doesn't actually dislike the taste but found a very big worm in her tuna once and it put her off forever), most red meats (she particularly doesn't like horsemeat, she got attached to a childhood pet horse to the culturally rare point of not wanting to eat Any horse meat altogether), eggplant, most lentils, or raw tomatoes. And to top it off she has a lower than average heat tolerance. So when she has a choice in the matter she tends to go for oily fish, fowl, rabbit and hares, and some reptiles like crocodile + turtles + certain snakes.

One of her favorite meals is an Erubinnos-specific dish where sardines (or other oily baitfish) are marinated in a sauce made with vinegar-peledyo, olive oil, and a sauce of mashed tomato + garlic + more olive oil, and eaten raw. This exact preparation with raw fish is uncommon in the city+province of Wardin, but she has the benefit of living in a household with a cook on hire and requests it very frequently. It reminds her of home.

She also used to love turtle meat (a type of softshell turtle is a delicacy here, usually eaten in soup). The Erubinnos regional turtle soup is kind of an outlier among Imperial Wardi cuisine in being very delicately flavored (a thin broth made with a dry wine, onions, fennel, rice, and usually ginger (imported)). She actually prefers the South Wardi variant (which is a heartier stew with heavy seasoning, eaten over grits).

She has had intense cravings for turtle during each pregnancy (which is interpreted as a bit of a concern- most river-based foods are thought to support a healthy pregnancy, but Cravings indicate that the womb is excessively 'hot/dry' and at greater risk of miscarriage). She ended up liking turtle a lot less after the first pregnancy when the cravings ended, and shifted her reptile soup focus to a species of python with a similar tasting (but less luxuriously fatty) meat. The return of the turtle cravings was one of her first indicators that she was pregnant a third time, and she doesn't stand a goddamn chance of getting any turtle meat in the 6th year of the drought.

She's pretty fond of a lot of game meat in general. Her favorite uncle was an avid hunter and made a point of bringing back gamebirds (and their eggs and feathers) for her, so she has a nostalgic fondness for dishes with duck, goose, ibis, pheasants, and the like. Hunting is also one of the diminishingly rare things she enjoys doing with her bitch husband and she's found that actually participating (granted, just in the form of watching and yelling directions) makes eating it afterwords more satisfying.

She'll only eat the nechoi they kill smoked and cured though, it tastes repulsive to her otherwise (in no small part due to this tending to be big boar nechoi killed in a prolonged, somewhat foolhardy solo struggle and is thus pumped with testosterone and fear hormones). This meat is stripped of (horrid tasting) fat, salted, slow-smoked, and usually eaten in soups.

---

Janeys is also somewhat of a picky eater, in his case he dislikes almost any animal product that comes out of the water (with a particular disdain for shellfish and crustaceans), and consciously frames it as such- crocodile, duck, and goose is an exception because they don't live in the water permanently, turtle is on thin fucking ice. He has to make an exception for peledyo because it's in just about everything and he can't honestly say he dislikes it.

His favorite meat is beef. He and his siblings grew up eating more beef products than average (even for nobility) due to the agricultural aspect of their wealth being rooted in ownership of cattle herds (which are actually reared, managed, and slaughtered by peasants). The Haidamane family is considered 'new money' landed nobility (opposed to established, multi-century old landowning families with wealth based in crop agriculture)- the vast majority of their wealth is mercantile, with a small facet being the 'ownership' of mostly uncultivated scrubland and the cattle grazed there. Janeys is now in charge of the latter aspect after being quietly cut out of his actual intended inheritance, so this humiliation has a fringe benefit of having plenty of beef around, AND he hasn't quite gotten sick of it yet.

Cattle are very sacred animals and the Only sacred livestock. Sacred status doesn't entail not being eaten by any means, but it does entail a lot of emotional+spiritual investment in them as livestock and ritual surrounding their rearing and consumption. Janeys has also always been a little jealous that both of his sisters are in the priesthood, and his (ultimately very distant) involvement in the management of these animals (some of whom are donated to temple sacrificial stock herds) feels like a slice of that, getting to eat their meat on a relatively regular basis is psychologically gratifying in ways beyond just liking the food.

His favorite cut is actually the oxtail above anything else. This would mostly be eaten in a (notably bougie) South Wardi oxtail soup (tomato and olive oil sauce, wine, beef broth, yamnina reyla, saffron, hominy, onions, garlic, cabbage). He also is very fond of sweetbreads, and the liver. The liver is culturally considered the best part of the cow and its consumption is ceremonially restricted- half of the liver Has to be offered in sacrifice for each cow slaughtered (a sort of thanks-giving and payment for the cattle's death), and the other half is reserved for the patriarch who owns the cattle, which can be distributed as he chooses. As of his father's death, Janeys is now technically the patriarch of his family so like, great news for him.

There are no such restrictions on the livers of other regularly consumed animals, and he does like horse liver too. Usually takes it in sausage form (the favored, high quality type here is minced liver mixed with the tender ground meat of the tail, cumin seed, and thyme, cased in caul fat).

He's notably fond of sweet foods- major examples available are roasted figs with cheese, figs or dates stuffed with nuts, sticky pine nut and/or pistachio 'candy' made with anuje, candied figs/dates/kolis/nara. One variety of cornbread is stuffed with pine nut + camiche + pistachio, fried, and glazed with anuje. A type of native melon (similar consistency to a watermelon but VERY mildly sweet, tastes more like a cucumber) is used to make a cold soup with mint + thyme, he takes it sweetened with anuje. He also tried grilled honeycomb with honey + larvae while in the southern-central Highlands and was shocked that he liked it (given that insects are not only famine food but Peasant famine food).

In relation to this, he eats a lot of fruit when it's in season. His favorite fruits are figs and pomegranates. These aren't accessible year round and he doesn't particularly like them dried on their own, so it's something to look forward to every year. Kolis has a very long fruiting season and he has one growing on his balcony for personal use.

He likes sweet wines (typically served strong, rather than watered down like how most wine is consumed on a regular basis) but is a lightweight and noted sloppy drunk. He dilutes it with rosewater on occasions where he's exhibiting a reasonable degree of self control.

---

Couya isn't a terribly picky eater (she will eat just about anything) but has strong proclivities towards very simple comfort foods and doesn't like meat all that much, to the point of her chosen diet being regarded as spartan and peasant-esque. A big part of her personality is thinking of most of her fellow nobility as Pussies and making a bit of a show about how much she doesn't mind discomfort and relative non-luxury, which extends to her food tastes. (though to be clear, this is mostly a prolonged act of 'fuck you mom/brother/most of my extended family'. If she had to spend a month living as an actual peasant she would DIE).

This is also motivated in part by the fact that her childhood home life was legitimately horrendous and a whole lot of Really Nice Foods and Delicacies are associated with bad memories for her (particularly the Titen noodle cuisine that Faiza is very fond of, since that's the only element she's ONLY experienced in that home and nowhere else.) Switching most of her diet to basics more characteristic of the lower mercantile class (and eating very little meat outside of holidays and ceremonies) is kind of an escape from that.

She doesn't really like sitting down for meals and favors 'husk meals', which is a subclass of foods built around being wrapped and cooked in corn husk, where they will hold a semi-solid shape and can be eaten on the go. There's a tremendous variety of husk meals, this is the equivalent of The Sandwich in terms of its utility and variability. They're usually composed of a seasoned grain or starch, often stuffed with vegetables/cheeses/egg/meats. Some variants resemble a sausage (without casing) where equal parts of a finely chopped/ground meat is mixed with grain and other ingredients and cooked in the husk. These meat variants most often use meat from the head (as well as eyes, tongue, and brain, and leftover scraps) to extend a valuable slaughtered carcass; head-husk is specifically regarded as a peasant food in this capacity.

Her favorite husk meal variant is one made with seasoned crushed rice stuffed with onions, cabbage, and soft cheese. Rice is her favorite grain, but its not The Most accessible where she lives (the province of Wardin is the driest and has a very small rice output) so she's having variants with maize dough/grits instead on most occasions. She also loves okra (a landrace of which can be grown here, though is a fairly delicate and non-staple crop), which is often eaten with other vegetables and hominy grits (she usually takes this as a husk meal too).

[bookhobbit]

and with this purchase of a hypermobility spectrum disorder, you too can experience for free the sensation of trying to hold your kneecaps in place with the surrounding muscles when you walk sometimes

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU - Reunion

Fun fact. I was planning on going through these drabbles to see where I still had a bit of a blank spot timeline and story wise. and I did NOT get far.

Because I realised. I never made a tiny drabble about how I pictured the guys reuniting to go back to Nightmare!

So. That is this! (also yes i am hinting at bad sans poly but we will see where that all ends)

First and Prev Drabble (with the original prompt by @spotaus ) Next Drabble

*-----------------*

Cross frowns as the knife once again can't cut through the universe.

This... is an issue.

Cross had managed to get close but for some reason the knife could not connect with Nightmare's universe and castle.

Had... had Nightmare banned him?

Cross hopes not. He knows he had been stupid for running away but he had just! He needed! He had just needed a moment for himself!

Cross tries to take a deep breath and relax. It is fine! Think! Think there is probably another reason!

NIghtmare had been shrinking and losing his form... maybe he is just tired and resting and that affects the universe he is in? Maybe?

Cross wishes Dust was here, Dust knows so much more about magic stuff than he does. Sadly Cross was an idiot and just went out on his own without saying goodbye.

He looks at his phone and opens the message screen again. He clicks Dust's contact and considers typing a message.

Just a quick one to ask for help getting back?

He sighs and puts the phone away. No. This is his mess up and he can fix it himself! He didn't need them or Nightmare to fix his messes!

Again...

Cross shakes his skull and looks to the notes in his phone. He finds the right one. It is a small list of items that should help connect him to Nightmare's universe.

When he first started working for Nightmare the god had told him that the castle and the universe it is in can be hard to find or connect to because of his magic. The items would help the magic in his knife, or the teleportation crystals, locate it and focus on it.

Cross pulls out the list and reads it again.

seven candles, unscented

autumn leaves

a very sweet apple

a dreamcatcher

a way to light a magical fire

be in an universe as close as possible

Cross checks his list and bag and groans. He had only managed to get the apple and the leaves so far. this stupid universe only had a few very small and old towns and it is honestly getting on his nerves!

Cross had just been nervous about leaving this universe. He didn't know this one and just because he managed to jump to it didn't mean he would be able to do it again.

The phones had an extra feature to make it known to them if they were near the castle. it had lit up at this spot after quite a few universes that didn't do it.

Meaning he was not leaving it!

Agh. he could ask if Horror is having more luck and-

WAIT!

Cross looks back over his shoulder and sees Horror walk past.

Cross doesnt think and rushes after the large skeleton "Horror! wait up!"

horror blinks and looks over "Oreo?"

Cross pulls a face at the nickname but catches up to him "What are you doing here?"

Horror looks slightly sheepish as he rubs his neck "You know... regret... trying to get back..."

Cross frowns "Get back- wait... did you leave as well?!"

Horror frowns at him "As well?" then his sight finds Cross' bag and cross can see Horror take note of the items in there. Horror looks back at him with a frown "You can't make the jump either?"

Cross feels both better and worse. Maybe he isn't banned! Or at least he isn't alone in being banned! which just makes him feel like a jerk. He nods and groans "not having much luck with getting the things i need. only got the apple and the leaves..."

Horror blinks but gets a small half grin on his face which Cross thinks should be criminal with how goo- OKAY he is stopping that line of thought.

Horror calmly gets his phone and turns it to enable Cross to see the items in his inventory. a lot of foods and- oh! a sweet apple. and unscneted candles!

Horror keeps grinning "Seems like we are getting close."

Cross grins and nods as he walks with the taller skeleton "Any idea why we can't get in?"

Horror shrugs "multiple options. dunno which."

Cross nods as he looks down "Yeah i figured."

They walk and search together before a loud gasp and Cross is suddenly tackled form behind. Cross yelps as he loses his balance. The only reason he doens't fall over is because Hroror manages to catch both him and whichever idiot rushed into him.

"Criss-Cross! H!"

Ah. nevermind. Cross knows that idiot. Cross glares over his shoulder at the grinning Killer "Why would you tackle me?!"

Killer grins but the grin turns sharper then just friendly "Had to make sure you guys didn't up and leave again without a single fucking word Criss-Cross!"

Cross winces and looks to the side "Yeah... I guess..."

Horror looks guilty as well before looking at Killer "Why are you here? instead of at the castle?"

Now it is Killer's turn to look away and he shrugs "After all of you guys left I figured i would try it myself. the whole solo-rouge-vagabond dealio. I didn't like it. So I am going back ot Nightmare and see if he needs a right hand still...." more thoughtful "or maybe babysitter? If that whole shrinking thing kept up."

Yeah and that line causes more guilt than before. because they really just all left Nightmare alone to deal with whatever was affecting him. Instead of at least offering help as they should have as his henchman and teammates. Nope! instead they all just left!

Cross rubs his arm "Yeah... we are on our way back too... You got stuff for the ritual?"

Killer sighs "Only the lighter. But that is because i already had one."

Horror frowns at Killer "All of us? Dust too?"

Killer nods "Just walked away. not a word or grabbed anything as far as i know."

Cross covers his face "We are the worst. terrible people." thankless, untrustworthy, unloyal. Cross can think of quite a few more words to describe them.

"We knew that already."

Cross, and Killer for that matter, curses as he jumps back. Only to see Dust standing by them, hood up but face visible with his bored expression.

Killer is by now standing behind Horror and glares at Dust "Don't do that! My soul is already fragile!" the soul shaped floating soul wiggles but stays steady.

Dust raises a brow and looks unimpressed "Don't talk about others then."

Horror chuckles and smiles "Good to see you dust. join us?"

Dust nods "Can't make the jump. what are we mission still?"

Cross takes out the list and after comparing what they have they realise they are only mission the dremacatcher, which Dust pulls out of his pocket.

Cross gasps "Where did you find that? I checked every store!"

Dust shrugs "stole it."

... right. that is also an option.

They take the items outside of town and get it ready.

The dreamcatcher as base with the candles all around it. The leaves used to wrap the apple, the only use one and Horror eats the others as they work.

Killer holds up the lighter and after focusing for a moment flicks it. instead of the normal yellow flame a bright pink flame appears. Killer lights all the candles adn waits for a moment until the smoke circles one another. Last Killer lights the leaves enclosing the apple without disturbing the smoke trails.

The new smoke trail joins the other seven and the whole pile bursts into flames but no heat comes off it. the flame remains pink for a moment before turning purple and then turning black.

Killer grins and looks at Cross "cut away!"

Cross nods and cuts right above the flame and the universe shimmers. The smoke finds the small slice and fills it, moments later the flame and fire travels up towards the slide using the smoke and it opens a black portal, still smoking.

They rush through it and manage to get through it before the portal burns up.

Cross looks over his shoulder "And there shouldn't be anything left?"

Dsut shrugs "small pile of ash."

Killer grins "it burns up very quickly as soon as a portal is established."

Cross frowns as he looks around. they are in the late autumn forest around the castle. He can see the shadow of it in the distance. He starts walking and the other three join him.

Cross huffs "Still think it is a deceptively easy list..."

Killer shrugs "People don't expect there to be an easy way. Not like they will just test things until they hit jackpot." Then Killer grins wider "Not that anyone knows about Ngihtmare's sweet tooth. and no one knows about the apple, hell we don't even know it."

Cross nods as they walk through the forest. Cross can't help but feel like it feels... empty. Whcih is weird because Cross always knew there was nothing else in this universe or forest but them. but still it feels...different.

Horror seems to notice too as he glances around "feels weird..."

Dust nods immediantly "magic is different."

Cross nods as well "I noticed too..."

Whatever is going on it is big... because either it is affecting the universe, it is affecting nightmare enough that it affects the universe. or Nightmare is affected enough that he made these edits.

Hopefully they can clear all this up once they see Nightmare and apologise to him. The exit the forest and spot the castle in the distance.

Time to go talk wiht him.

*-----------------*

First and Prev Drabble Next Drabble

And as we all know, Nightmare wasn't there. woops. turns out that apology will have to wait a bit Cross.

And the tiniest bit of Bi-panic for Cross (I believe he canonly is Bi in like Xtale so he is still Bi here) ((And yes I am slightly hinting at BSP because I like them but They are kinda too busy to really focus on that in these drabbles but there some interest! but it can also be seen as pureply platonic with just some curious interest honestly *shrug* It is june after all!))

[heythereneighbor]

In light of a lore update this week and me being on vacation from tomorrow, I decided I would skip ahead and reveal the costumes for the boys.

Will anyone save Princess Barnaby from the vicious Wally-Dragon??

[wheucto]

cobs i'm afraid support for your life is ending, old man

[unfortunatelycake]

The Heart Heals Last (6/11)

Chapters: 6/11

Fandom: 莲花楼 | Mysterious Lotus Casebook (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua | Li Xiangyi

Summary:

Li Lianhua eavesdrops again, and Di Feisheng delivers on a promise. When Li Lianhua doesn't pick up on what Di Feisheng tries to tell him, Di Feisheng finds another way to communicate.

Read on AO3