#i basically taught myself to do digital art through this piece

[braxiatel]

In the daytime Pearl E. Moon is a caretaker at the beloved family theme park, Scarland. At night she dons her mask and her hard hat and becomes Hermit City’s very own superhero, THE CLEANING LADY. But trouble is brewing in the seedy underbelly of Hermit City, the likes of which THE CLEANING LADY has never seen before. Old foes return, but this time it is neither THE CLEANING LADY nor Hermit City in their scopes, but rather each other. The mad GOAT seeks revenge on HOTGUY and his partner-in-crime, POULTRY MAN. The stakes are raised when the GOAT calls on his old ally, THE RED KING, and the dastardly duo of POULTRY MAN and HOTGUY form an alliance with the equally eccentric and explosive TATMAN.

There is only one thing standing between Hermit City and the impending war of the villains: THE CLEANING LADY!

Based on the idea of this post!

[lexart-io]

Hello! I am a traditional and digital artist, and I see you post a lot of images and works that have been generated through ai, and consider yourself a part of the art community here on the internet.

--Prefacing with the fact that I dont want to debate and am not here with the purpose of gatekeeping the art community. This is purely for my own curiosity, and understanding all sides of the Ai argument.--

I mean nothing judgemental or malicious by asking, although I do acknowledge it may sound that way by the nature of my asking. As someone who plans to pursue my own artworks made traditionally and digitally on software (like procreate) for a living, the questions I have to ask are:

- What do you gain or learn from creating images with Ai? what do you take away from it?

- What meaning do you find in creating those images? What do you want to say with it?

- In what way do you find yourself an artist? What are the unique skills that you have because of this method of image creation?

Thanks for your time and consideration in this, and Thank you for sticking around to read all of that. (I acknowledge that its a bit of a wall of text)

hello! no worries, i don't think your questions come off as judgmental or malicious at all, and i'm always more than happy to offer my thoughts / perspective on this topic to anyone who inquires. i think there's A LOT to be said on it, so hopefully my own incoming massive wall of text isn't too much haha.

i'm going to answer your questions in a slightly different order than you asked because i think it will help the overall flow of my explanations:

In what way do you find yourself an artist? i have a lifelong background in art. in high school and college, acrylic paint on canvas was my primary medium. also, i first downloaded Photoshop when i was 13 years old and started teaching myself to use it so i could create forum "signatures" for people on a gaming forum that i frequented at the time haha. in high school, i nearly maxed out the number of art classes i took and won a Scholastic Gold Key art award (the highest regional award) for a digital piece i made in one of my art classes. the other form of "art" that i've always been passionate about is computer programming. i started when i was 12 years old (with Visual Basic 3, which i taught myself) and continue to take on programming projects as a hobby to this day. currently i have over 10 years of (ongoing) professional graphic design experience, both freelance and in marketing director roles.

What do you gain or learn from creating images with Ai? what do you take away from it? my interest with AI began not from an artistic motivation, but rather from a nerdy computer programming motivation. working with AI is wildly fascinating and fun. it's an odd mix of creative outlets (visual, verbal, programming), which exercises a creative spot within my brain that i never even knew existed. click here to check out my previous post where i describe my workflow with ai. i'm not just typing prompts into a box and hitting generate. to me, that isn't creative enough and i don't really find the results to be all that interesting (though there are a few prompt-artists whom i find their work to be extraordinary, for the most part that whole direction is kinda boring in my opinion). i train ai models myself, often on really obscure or abstracted ideas / concepts / aesthetics. then i use those models to combine these unrelated concepts, rendering a batch of images which i use as a dataset to train a new model, which i then use to repeat this process ad infinitum (so my work is a constant evolution built upon everything preceding it). the work that i post here are my daily experiments, as i test out models and combine ideas. so what i gain from this is a deeper understanding of how machine learning tech works, a means of keeping up with generative ai technology as it continues to quickly advance, how to visually train ai models on concepts that are increasingly detached from visual reality, and (most importantly) a creative workflow that really, truly vibes with my soul's deepest passions. it's hard to really describe that last one... but you know that feeling you get as you're actively exercising your creative impulses on a medium that really connects with you on a deeper level? training ai, as nerdy as this sounds, is that for me. the "art" is not necessarily in the images themselves, but in the act of training ai models (because the process of training ai is not a standardized thing whatsoever, there are hundreds of settings and variables at play and every single person has their own methods which generally evolve with experience) and how you interact with these models on a verbal level (through text prompting) to render your imagination.

What meaning do you find in creating those images? What do you want to say with it? honestly, i think a lot of the "ai art" scene is made up of "delusional artists" who think whatever they generate from a basic text prompt is somehow deep and meaningful art haha. but that said, i do stand firm in my belief that even THAT is by definition still "art". there is human creative impulse behind it. ai is the tool and the human is the user of said tool. this particular tool can make creating things very easy, but at the end of the day it does still require some level of creative human input to do anything. as with any artistic tool or medium, i think that what you get out of it depends entirely upon what you put into it. more effort and time = more quality and meaning. text prompting for ai generated images is sort of the most "superficial" layer of the "ai art" scene. the phenomenon of delusional artists exists across ALL forms of art, so it's not just unique to ai. it seems like there is a large percentage of the population who, upon starting to learn a new creative outlet, have an overly grandiose view of their own work after they first start making things. they're so proud of what they created that it blinds them from seeing it for what it really is. they'll gloat about it online, they'll try to sell it for outrageous prices, etc and look super cringy in the process. some people eventually grow out of that and suddenly gain the self-awareness that "oh shit actually that art kinda sucked and i looked super inexperienced", but other times they never realize that and stay cringy. because ai art is so new and so many folks are just now jumping on, i think we're seeing a much higher percentage of this delusional artist phenomenon within this field at the moment, where everyone is so proud of what they're making and not realizing how lame it actually looks to people who know what they're doing. and, again for the record, i do still consider that stuff to be art (and so i mean no offense to anyone when i say these things). it's just really basic art, and i think most people will either grow past this phase (and learn to take these tools a lot deeper) or lose interest in it altogether - just as they do with other artistic endeavors like painting, ceramics, using Photoshop, making music in Ableton, etc, etc. i would classify 99% of my work as under the "concept art" category. it exists as a result of my daily experiments as i learn / discover my way deeper and deeper into machine learning technology. it generally explores scifi themes (robotics in particular) because i find that to be most creatively titillating, but it is not necessarily meant to convey any deeper meaning beyond purely imaginative visual pursuits that look toward the future. which is also why i don't sell my work or push the idea of it being profound in anyway. it's just daily exercise, but i absolutely love that so many other people enjoy looking at it (i'm somehow up to nearly 9000 followers here, which is kinda mind-blowing to me). i've been putting nearly every single spare hour of every single day for the last several years into this so it really means a lot to not only see my skillset improving over time, but to also gain such an audience for it in the process too. 🙏😭

What are the unique skills that you have because of this method of image creation? for me, the WHOLE point of all of this is knowledge and experience working with generative ai tools. this technology exists now and it won't be going away. the genie is out of the bottle, so to speak. i think absolutely any artist (but digital artists in particular) would only be doing themselves a tremendous disservice by not learning to use this tool immediately. being a stick in the mud about it is not going to stop this technology, nor will it save you in 10 years from getting let go at your job and replaced by some younger artist who learned this technology while getting a degree in graphic design and can pump out quality assets 100x faster than you ever could. don't wait until then to start learning this stuff because you will already be sooo far behind at that point. get involved right now, right this second; you will be on the ground floor of an incredible technology and able to keep up with the advancements as they happen, putting you in a much stronger position in the future. don't take it too seriously, just do it for fun and then thank yourself in 10 years when you're 100x more experienced than the younger artist who recently graduated with a graphic design degree. i recently met a graphic designer who somehow never learned to use Photoshop. they do everything the "old school" way - literally cutting, pasting, and drawing things by hand. that was fine 30+ years ago, but now they cannot get hired anywhere. they put off learning Photoshop for so long because they assumed that their excellent skills and truly beautiful eye for design would be enough to carry their career forward forever, without needing to keep up with the technical advancements. but in the modern world, no business wants a designer like that anymore; having strong Photoshop experience is a bare minimum. old school designers who did not keep up were ultimately pushed out entirely. in 10, 20, or even 30 years from now, you don't want to be that old person taking night classes at the local university to try to save your career. get ahead of it, jump on board and invest in your future! i truly believe that you will start to discover creative new ways to integrate it into your current workflow and you will become a stronger (and more marketable) artist in the process. :)

sorry for the huge post and hopefully everything makes sense lmao. feel free to reach out with more questions any time. particularly if you want help getting started in the realm of ai-assisted art and design. i'm always more than happy to help!

[fuumiku]

Wip. I do want to finish this, i really enjoy doing even digital art of Metal, digital which is usually painstaking for me to do, and I’ve got sooo many angst art pieces of him in the works lol

But this is vent art. And I’m thinking it can be a nice opportunity to give an update on myself? And have a talk about flowergore, machines, sketches and disability, because I’m in that kinda mood

I didn’t want to put a read more split on this post but it became too long to comfortably fit on my blog, so alas... Life doesn’t often go as planned, yeah?

Cw for the next paragraph, just skip if these make you uncomfortable, or if you want to go straight to the flowergore & metal convo: discussion of chronic illness & disability, with references to disordered eating. I’ve been diagnosed a bit less than a month ago with a chronic autoimmune disease that has been severely impacting my life for a long time without my knowledge: coeliac disease. Basically, my intestines see gluten as something to defend the body against, and that not only causes painful indigestions but also damages the intestines over time, so much so that the body starts having trouble digesting other things and getting nutrients from food. This has caused chronic pain, a miriad of ungodly symptoms like hair loss and skin rash, but honestly, more impacting? Chronic fatigue. I cannot express just how much psychological and emotional damage it has done to me, to have that decline of energy come in waves, but also steadily going down over years right up to now, where I spend most my days laying in bed, where sitting up in bed and booting up my computer is a “good day”, where I’m either sleepy, exhausted, bored out of my mind or frustrated that I can’t just be making the creative content I want to do. The self-esteem utter destruction, having to work through with myself that it’s okay to be idle and abandon all ambitions, to prioritize physical survival and keeping the will to live even as you stop eating to protect yourself from pain, struggle to keep up with your daily schedule and even thinking takes so much energy. My ipad, my accessibility tool that allows me to do something even as I can’t do anything irl, has become super old and dysfunctional. It gets overwhelmed easily and works slowly, closes randomly, corrupts art files and loads apps uncorrectly. Doing anything with it is either incredibly frustrating, time-consuming and difficult, or straight up impossible or a risk to lose work. I have a Metal Sonic artwork I’ve lost and redone twice, I’m currently taking a break from redoing it a third time. It’s been rough. But tbh, in another way, I relate to it? Massive brainfog energy, lmao. When I have to remind myself that machines are faillible too, I end up humanizing it and validate its struggles, even tho it isn’t alive and it just malfunctions because it is what it is. It has taught me patience and the ability to build back up work that I have lost. But hey, there ain’t no reason to add another layer of inaccessibility to my pile, and I ordered a replacement for it just today! I’ll be so much more productive and happy with material that works smoothly and allows for more. But anyways, back to flowergore.

Flowergore is vividly poetic, but I only realized why it has always appealed to me as a comfort/vent and cathartic aesthetic while drawing this: There’s an innate stillness and loss of control to flowergore. Pretty, but tragic. Illness stops being an evil, and becomes a simple product of life that does its thing regardless of the will of the soil it grows in. You have to tend to the plants, whether you trim them to get them under control or must care after them to coexist.  No matter if you find the flowers pretty or not, it doesn’t change anything. The flowers aren’t an innate good nor a moral wrong, they don’t even have an opinion about growing on you. They don’t care, they can’t, they’re just flowers. And yet there’s something so comforting about it, something that can be sad but that can just be peaceful, too. It’s about living through the effects, and dealing with the weeds as they come and go. Resigning yourself, or the process of getting there. It’s about acceptance, and compromise. I think flowergore has innate ties with disability and illness that can’t be denied, nor broken honestly, when you think about it. I also think it can represent/relate with dysmorphia a lot, bodily or otherwise. In my case, I have various skin and sensory issues that give me dysmorphia, and an otherwise “I hate my body and my body hates me” feeling.  The stillness of flowergore often resonates as fatigue, sadness or anguish. It personifies the illness in a way that you can better reflect on your relationship with it, and your relationship with your body & yourself, in a way that allows you to better vent about them. It’s very healing.

These sort of things are the kind of thing that sometimes, you kind of have to personify to distance it from your identity and properly cope with them, you know? Or it’ll just consume you. Even way before I developed my disease, or was regularly fatigued, I loved flowergore, and I think it’s just... A really nice way to frame things weighing you down, that you just kinda have to deal with and process through. Even vague or “normal”/”light” things, like fatigue or negative thoughts, feelings or insecurities.

And don’t get me STARTED on the metaphors and feelings of plants sprouting from an inorganic machine. It’s the classic “sprout growing from a crack in concrete” dystopia trope, except with a negative punchline hah. I’ve always loved to humanize the dehumanized: robots, antagonists and otherwise. I love having characters that feel like they’re on a high pedestral of innate difference and superiority away from others, but that makes them unreachable by default, deeply lonely and misunderstood for it, wether they’re truly an exceptional being or not. I love characters thinking that they’re above physical or emotional weakness getting a slap in the face and having to acknowledge their vulnerability and neglected/suppressed needs head on. I love the delusional, emotionally repressed with anger issues robot having a moment of clarity where he allows himself to be honest to himself for a bit, and resigns himself to the pain of his past and future, before returning to their regular schedule or self-destruction, or not. Ignoring is often the only option you can manage to choose when you don’t have the strenght to make a change or admit to something you didn’t want to about yourself, but ignoring is a lot harder when the proof grows ever bigger and more out of control everywhere on your body. It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t grow on you, impossible. But it does. So what are you going to do about it?

I think I finally get the appeal of hanahaki stuff too. I never understood before, but now I can see it in that same vein. Unreciprocated love causes flowers to sprout wildly, causing, at best, only body horror and/or wounds, when weeding them out or otherwise, and at worst proves to be fatal, most often by suffocating. Except that instead of illness or things like that, the thing you experience a lack of control over and feel some sort of detached destructive blame or resentment for is feelings. Feelings of love, like falling deeply in love, without your own consent, and the pain that being unloved brings. Your love, like a damaging parasitic disease.

Yeah, this isn’t gonna be my last flowergore content.

I didn’t end up talking about sketches, I don’t have the energy to and I don’t think it fits in with the rest anyway, but basically? It’s been an healing journey to allow simple, unclean sketches to be “enough”. To not be shameful, to represent progress and be pretty in their own right and a valid art format. And so, with all of this, I post my messiest sketch on social media to date. One of my very rare public wips. Freedom, baby. You get what you get, and that’s fine. Low standards art is part of my disability recovery arc ✨

[wovenwhims]

Some Introductions and Intentions

Life has a strange way sometimes to make you feel like a path is your calling and then years later upending everything you associated with your identity and forging it anew.

Let me explain – for the majority of my life I’ve been an artist by calling. Specifically, I was an illustrator. I painted digitally, and sometimes traditionally, and focused on people. Expressive pieces that were rich with color and emotions, I liked to tell a story. For a very long time I was moving towards the goal of being a professional, of making it my career. Then when I was a breath away from doing so, I crumpled under the pressure and just��� didn’t.

I’m not sure if it was the pressure of working under a timeline, or the management part, or maybe the self promotion; but I couldn’t continue. I felt like a fraud calling myself an artist, and eventually that ended too.

Unfortunately, for myself, I had been calling myself an artist my whole life. I had a *Plan* and doing illustration full time was very much my goal. I didn’t know what to do with myself without my painting being there, I didn’t know who I was. Between painting, which was sometimes an on-and-off exercise, I had been exploring other hobbies. I was quite known for it, looking at a new hobby to explore and learn and then obsess over for three months and then dropping it. Gardens flourished and then wilted, my kitchen has gadgets I’ll probably never touch again, my iPad is mostly relegated to reading these days, or a very fancy cat bed. I’ve gone through video games and books, cooking and instruments, painting, sculpting, pottery, makeup, hair, sciences, teas… I’ve covered a lot of ground. But I always thought that Illustration was what, or who, I was.

Realizing that everything I had built myself around was something I couldn’t do was life altering.

A two year gap of madness happened, and I had to reevaluate – everything.

What came out of the other side of my gap year was a couple of different things.

An understanding of the difference between something that is a hobby and something that is a passion.

A dissolution of self identity tied to other’s, or even my own expectations.

Peace

I found peace with myself, and also with my life. I realized that I was pursuing art because it was something I was good at, but not something I was passionate about.

What I am passionate about is what this blog will be focusing on.

Fiber

When I was 15 I was asked to learn how to crochet so that the fiber category had a submission for the local art fair. My art teacher taught me the basics of crochet and then let me figure the rest out. A month after I was crocheting hats for friends, I picked up knitting, learning through books in my library and youtube videos online.

Knitting became my on-and-off again hobby until I discovered garments, and then it was game on.

Garments opened up a whole new world of interest that I was fascinated with. I loved the complexity of fiber drape and construction in knitting. I was “free knitting” my own sweaters within the first 6 months. I became part of a local knit group and quickly developed a reputation for going “off pattern”. I devoured books and articles on fiber types and sheep breeds. I played with ease and shaping and made mistakes and loved it all.

In 2022 I went to SAFF and impulse purchased an E-Spinner and the doors fully opened into the fiber world, including the history of the humble spindle.

This passion has developed many branches now, spreading into Historical Fashion and Clothing Making, Weaving, Sewing, Embroidery, Leatherwork… The list could go on.

At the heart of it all is my passion for fiber, and a healthy dose of sustainability.

My intentions with this blog is to document those branches of interest. Where they lead and what I learn, and to ask questions along the way.

And maybe, I can share some of this passion with you.

[toloveandbelovedtoo]

Day 3: practice

I had to think about today, since starting this and thinking about love, I think about how to practice and integrate it in my day. I had gone to Backyard BBQ for lunch and as I was leaving, I realized it would have been a good opportunity to pay for someone's meal. I think about it when I hold a door open for someone or when it's held for me. I thought about love when my neighbor offered my some plant clippings and when I laid on the floor with Kiwi.

But today I want to make it a continuation of yesterday as art has been on my mind lately. I woke up still feeling grumpy and disgruntled by my art practice. It's a gray day, cloudy outside but not really raining and I felt tired. I got the idea then to go back to basics. I'm a digital artist, pretty much all of my work is done on my iPad and I mostly work on big pieces with coloring and shading and the whole deal. And while that's great and my art has developed with each piece, I need to do the work all people do: basics and fundamentals.

I'm a self-taught artist. I had a phone with a stylus and one night in bed I thought, I want to draw. So I started going to town drawing people, doing the line art, the coloring, the shading, each piece was a full completed piece. My art was not that great two years ago, I definitely learned a lot and gotten so much better with spacing and proportions. But I realized that I should put in the work and practice of doing timed figure drawings, doing doodles, making sketches, and practicing the anatomy, the clothing, the background basics.

I grabbed some pencils and paper I bought a few years ago and posted up on my couch where I went through timed poses. I got 90 seconds with each figure and just went to drawing as much as I could before the time was up. Some poses were definitely more difficult than others, but I had fun. Fun! That was something I felt like was missing from my art yesterday and that I just wanted to have fun. I feel like I fell in that trap in fandom where I needed to be producing completed works and my worth was based on what I could produce and how often. I lost the joy.

And I realize now that some of my art block stems from the need to be instantly perfect. Perfection was demanded by my mother, each of us kids were gifted and talented, we didn't need practice, we didn't make mistakes. Whatever we picked up, we were supposed to know how to do it with little instruction. I am the sort-of-youngest of four (I'm a twin) and it always looked like my two older siblings were amazing at everything they did. My brother was a marching band science genius, my sister was the artist and musician. I stayed in the shadows in technical theatre.

I didn't know how to ask for help, or how to ask someone to teach me x, y, or z. My grades were to be A+ in school and when I, the son of a math teacher, was getting a D in calculus, I was yelled at for not asking for help. It was shameful that I needed a tutor to get through chemistry and that I couldn't keep up with my peers in school who were already going to college for math as they had completed all the courses the school system offered.

I would find myself getting frustrated with hobbies. When I was in middle school, I thought I would make jewelry, but I felt my work wasn't as good as my mom's or sister's. I learned to knit and was great at it, but it got boring after a while. I learned to crochet, sew, needlepoint. I tried an instrument but I'm fairly tone deaf and can't read music. I picked up hobbies easily and mastered a lot quickly, I was great at knitting, origami, gardening, and video gaming.

So I realized that's why I was getting so frustrated with art. I could see I have talent and potential, I love getting to draw bodies and explore what it means to be trans and queer through art. I love making my blorbos kiss. One of my favorite things is to draw from fan fics to surprise writers, it makes my heart warm to see their excitement. And so it's okay to not be good at everything at once. What was that Jake quote from Adventure Time? Sucking is just the first step to getting good at something? So I'm giving myself this act of love of learning my craft and hobby by working on lessons and the basics and fundamentals.

[sakarrie-creates]

Heyo!!! I know I’m a bit far into the new year, but with this being my first year of digital art, I really wanted to make sure I got this so I can start my build up to compare future years to! This also includes a fair few pieces of art I haven’t posted so take that as reward for actually looking haha. You can find the blank template here!

A few end of year questions cause I love self-reflection way too much!

What was your biggest challenge this year?

Man it really depends on the project! In the beginning, it definitely was anatomy and perspective. I had so much stuff that I wanted to draw but just didn’t feel like I had the ability or knowledge to pull it off. That being said, after I found position references and 3D models, that was way less of a stress, and positioning the individual joints I feel taught me a lot on it’s own just about how different body positions look. After that, it moved into the steep learning curves of animation and lighting. I have an animatic project that I want to see come to life so bad, but I’ve had had to realise it’s going to take a lot of practice with other random animatics/animations to feel like I can full that off. I also have just had a consistent fear of backgrounds and lighting, neither of which I’ve done anymore than dip my toes in still. 

If I had to pick one single challenge for the year though, I’d say it was just the mere vastness of tools and styles at my fingers tips. I had so much I wanted to do and so many tools I wanted to use, but they all took (and are taking) a very long time to get used to. Just as I start to feel comfortable with my toolset, I realise there’s a better way of doing something and start back at the “beginner” stage. All being considered, though, that definitely isn’t too bad of a challenge to have haha.

What was something you were surprised by?

Other than the absolute bottomless pit that is CSP’s features? Okay, but for real. That thing is crAZY. Hmmmm I think maybe how much my style varied? I feel like even through I draw Player and Carmen all the time, they still look different in 80% of my pictures. Other than that... maybe how okay I am with my shading? Like, on basically all of these that I even attempted shading on, I thought it was absolutely terrible and obviously incorrect. Looking back through in putting this together, though. I was definitely surprised to find that I’m actually kinda proud of most of them. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me in that department, but I don’t think I need to be as intimidated as I’ve felt. 

Where do you think you most improved? 

Definitely in my sketches. Once I had a basic comfort with anatomy, it really was freeing. They’re messy at best, but not having to look up what an arm looks like from a certain angle every time made it way more of a relaxed environment. 90% of my art this year is in quick sketches, and I find that I actually am okay with them even after the first time or two. The repetition has really given me a lot more confidence and I’m way faster. Now I just gotta work on getting PAST the sketch part lol.

What are you most proud of? 

Probably my Whumptober trap door animatic. It took me absolutely forever and it’s not consistent in style at all, but it spanned several minutes, included only one character that I’d drawn before, had some pretty dynamic scenes, and there was even a bit of background work! It’s certainly some of my cleanest lineart I’ve made and, considering how vivid the scene was in my head, it’s not actually crazy different. It proved to myself I could pull it off and  gives me a lot of hope for my other animatic aspirations. 

Speaking of which, 2022 Goals!!

As you know if you happened to have looked through my writing reflection, this is going to be a pretty heavy year in school so I’m trying to keep actual commitments low. That being said I have lots of things I want to try out more this year stylistically:

-Brushes: There’s so many and I’ve got no idea how or when or why to use them, but I want to try!

-Shading and Lighting: I left a lot of things uncolored because I was scared the shading would ruin them, but I’m not going to improve if I don’t let myself fail a bit first.

-More Dynamic Scenes and Positions: Same as above. They’re terrifying, but I want to be able to do them better

-Experiment With 3D Sets!!!: This last month I’ve discovered that in the same way I can use 3D models, I can use 3D sets as well! I’m once again at the very bottom of the learning curve, but I’m so excited for the potential this could bring to the ambitiousness of my scenes.

-Post More: I’m honestly kind of terrified of posting art for some reason, but I have tons to share. I don’t know if it’s cause tumblr is more intimidating, or cause art is stolen more often than fics, or cause it’s way easier for a small mistake to ruin an overall art piece, or cause it feels less common to be a mostly h/c artist than to be an h/c author. There’s tons of worries and insecurities that probably play into it, but I think it would be nice to feel more comfortable because those of you who do interact with my stuff are really nice and deserve the extra Player content.

Overall, how’d the year go?

Pretty good! I really explored a ton of stuff with my tablet and I’m just beginning to feel like I’m moving out of the experimentation stage and into the doing stage (for some things haha). There’s still so much to learn, but I’m getting to the point where I enjoy my art more often than not and in my opinion, appreciating your work where you’re at, despite the flaws, is a huge step towards becoming a better and more confident artist.

[theotherwesley]

tagged by @skyeventide! BRO THANK YOU <3

Rules: Choose your favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1) Right at the beginning of 2020 (*can we even count the January-February Era as part of 2020? It feels like a separate timeline lol)  I designed a homebrew D&D campaign around an extended-universe Watership Down world, where all player characters are rabbits. :3 I designed it over the winter and DM’d my first test game with my family! It was so, so fun, and I had high hopes of continuing to playtest it and refine the rules this year.... ah, the best laid schemes o’ Buns and Men gang aft agley. U_U

Some samples: 

2) I got a truly awesome commission from a client on FR to do some stained glass window designs for their D&D campaign’s pantheon of gods. I got 4/6 done with them before my computer staged a revolution amongst our household electronics and went into a coma, taking BF’s laptop, a backup disk, and for some reason the toaster, with it. Then after that, the 2020 vibe got really uhhhhhh, shall we say, intense, and even after I found solution for my computer trouble I basically had zero creative fluid in the tank, so this was the last serious art I did for most of the year. :(

 But! I do really like these pieces, and I will eventually get to the remaining two...... sometime. I don’t want to jinx it. >>;

3) Got into a SUPER JUICY and EXTREMELY DENSE long-form RP with @salmaganto​ over on the Tolkien Blog. It involves so much research into historical and logistical minutiae about running a Big Evil Fortress, surviving sieges, uh... managing thrall labor, transitioning between war and peace... It is absolutely my favorite shit lol, just,,, 100% gratuitous worldbuilding nonsense, with my favorite micro-rarepair ship (or rather, its platonic counterpart). Again, this level of creative output, especially dealing with some controversial topics and in-depth analysis of like, authoritarian regimes, lost a looooooooooootttttttt of its um, escapist appeal. I desperately want to pick it back up, but man, this year was a lot, and I’m still recovering.  _( :’| 」∠)＿ We’re all still recovering.

4) Did some nerdy fanart for two of my favorite actual-play shows:

5) Attended a Zoom life-drawing session hosted in Perth, and it was a blast! 

6) Okay so this is a weird one, but, I edited a font??? I’m disproportionately pleased with this niche accomplishment. I had ZERO working knowledge of font design programs, and I went with a free, super nuts-and-bolts shareware application, taught myself how to use the basic functions, and then muddled my way through editing one of my favorite fonts, HamletOrNot:

“Well, this font isn't really Blackletter, but it has a certain historical touch, so it is welcome on these pages. The typeface Hamlet was designed by Edward Johnston for a Shakespeare edition, Cranach Press, 1929. The award winning book Hamlet was considered “the most beautiful book of the year 1930”. HamletOrNot – digitized by Manfred Klein & CybaPee.“ 

If you hunt down the mysterious user “CybaPee”, you find typographer Petra Heidorn and her many, many preserved, historical fonts, which have been painstakingly digitized and made available for free on... well, pretty much every free font website ever, which made it a real pain to source. 

I love this font with my whole heart, and I very much wanted to use it for parts of my comic (you know, the one) but HamletOrNot has a couple of readability failings that made it a bad match for small dialogue, and worse for ME, SPECIFICALLY: it does not include most diacritic marks.  *cries in Tôlkíën* 

So I embarked on this fool’s quest to do some touchups and add the diacritics and special characters I’d need to spell all the crazy bullshit for the comic, because HOW HARD COULD IT BE, HAHA, TO ADD A FEW MARKS AND CLEAN UP A FEW TANGENTS?  HAHAHA. HAHA. .....Anyway, I think I actually started this process sometime in like, 2019, but I FINISHED IT IN 2020, and I’m proud of myself. 

I’m calling the modified font ArdaOrNot, and it looks something like this: 

7)  Oh yeah, about that comic (you know, the one): 

‘Ey, would you look at that! Progress! :D  Slow, agonizing, unoptimized progress! I was hoping I’d have the first six full color pages ready with lettering and everything by the end of 2020, but.... well, here we are. Wow, I am SO TIRED OF BEING SICK, I HAVE THINGS I WANT TO DO SO BAD HAHAHAA FUCK 

8) Another minor accomplishment that I’m disproportionately proud of, I made some new baller playlists and polished up a few old ones to a fine gleam.

Anyway-- I don’t know who has and hasn’t been tagged, but consider this an invitation to anyone who has the energy to post your highlights from the last year. It was actually pretty therapeutic to see some things I DID manage to accomplish, because so much of this damn year felt empty and lonely and barren. But there they stand: the weird little triumphs that were sprinkled throughout the months, somehow improbably blooming in the wasteland. :’)

[billyboymiki]

5 Works Tag Game

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and post or link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I got tagged by @tippenfunkaport and @caramelaire for this tag game!!

I’m not one to compliment myself on anything honestly. Recently I remember thinking about how I barely drew anything this year. There was a part of my brain nagging at me to check how much I had drawn last year. So, I uh did. Turns out I drew basically nothing?! I triple checked this in fact. My DeviantART, Tumblr AND my camera roll. Nothing . . . I drew 5 very basic pinback button designs and that was it. I couldn’t believe it; but, it made be feel so much better about what I did this year. Basically my whole instagram is all artwork from this year, since I am actually really new to IG. I got super close to 40 works this year!

Now onto the works! They are in order of when I drew them 😊

Glimmer Inspired Patterns

I wanted to teach myself how to make patterns on Clip Studio so bad! I watched a couple of YT tutorials, and I can’t even remember why I decided to make She-ra ones specifically; I’m glad I did though! The Glimmer one means so much to me. Just looking at makes me so happy! The fact that so many people have now called it ‘aesthetically pleasing’ makes me feel as though I actually created a work that others could relate to. That was enough praise for me; to create something for myself that everyone else loved as well 💖

Glimbow Cuddle

This was my first real She-ra artwork. When I saw there was a Glimbow Week again I knew I had to join this one. I don’t know if anyone knows this; but, drawings take me forever to make. I used to be strictly a traditional artist and still prefer to draw rough drafts on paper. I couldn’t decide if I wanted them on Glimmer’s window seat or in Bow’s dads’ library. I was afraid of doing backgrounds; so, both sounded absolutely terrifying. I decided to go for the fireplace even if it meant fancy lighting on top of the background aspect. I think I actually spent more time on the lighting that’s hitting Bow than on anything else in this picture. It was worth it though. I studied how the show did backgrounds and lighting for a while. I tried so many different attempts at how I wanted it to look and ultimately went with this one! I love it so much 🥺

Bow’s list with doodles

Ah, yes the drawings I did for Tippen’s birthday!! I knew I wanted to draw a scene from ‘Tuna Cans’, but I was worried to try something like this. You see, I’m somebody that likes to stay in a comfort zone and only uploaded fully rendered perfect artworks. This year was the first time that I let the ‘fun’ aspect overrule my perfectionism. I’m so happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone for this, because I love Chibi styles so much. I can’t even explain the absolute joy I had drawing these. I didn’t tell anyone what I was up to, so it was just me laughing at myself for being an absolute goofball. The end result and everyone’s reactions were more than I could have ever expected. I’ve decided I’m going to revive this style soon as well so please look forwards to it!!

Space Suit Squad

Okay, so I cheated a little with this one! I couldn’t just pick ONE of the squad. Honestly though, I drew these with the thought of making them into prints in the back of my mind. I taught myself how to draw a space background and I’m really proud of it! So much in fact that the one in the final pictures is the first and last one I ended up doing! If I had to pick my favorites I think I’d have to pick Glimmer, Bow and then Catra. I LOVE the way I draw Catra I don’t know why? Maybe the eyebrows I’m not sure 🤔 It took me a while to decide on expressions and poses; although, I figured these were the ones because I could look at them and go ‘yep that’s them.’

Winter Glimbow

This one took me soooo long; I actually had to tell myself that I should put my pen down because it was done and I should stop touching it!!! I was sketching pictures in my sketchbook to make more patterns for my Redbubble account, and of course I’m like 100% Glimbow brainrot. My brain went, oooo you know what would be cute? If this skate was actually Bow’s and not just generic. So, I ended up sketching Glimmer’s as well. The heart that their skates make is like the cherry on the top for me, it had to be done! I’m not sure I did the background justice on this one? It doesn’t matter to me though because the concept was worth the effort. It was snowing here and I needed this picture like I needed air, even if it wasn’t even December at the time I posted it 🤣 I liked this one so much that I have similar ideas for the other seasons sketched out as well 👀

I’m sorry that I ramble so often. I’m like this quiet person; yet, it’s hard for me to get out everything I want to say? I’m horrible at it actually my brain runs at a hundred miles a minute and I’m not good with words most of the time. This turned out as more of a thought process than my actual feelings on each one I suppose. SO, in conclusion. I drew A LOT, I stepped out of my comfort zone, taught myself digital art and patterns. I let myself come to terms with the fact that not every piece of art has to be ‘perfect’. I drew at least 5 FULL backgrounds and I never used to draw them! I’ve also always been one for simple shading and lighting, and I do think there’s a time for that type of style, while other times sometimes a more difficult one might be appropriate. I’m glad that I did both because now I know I can do both, and they each give a characteristic that I adore 🥰 Thank you to everyone that has followed me through this journey, or just anyone who read my rambling! I have an honorable mention under the cut and some originals for anyone that made it this far! 💖

I’m not going to tag anyone; but, if you want to do this PLEASE do it. It was so great to reflect on what I did this year, it really surprised me and I think what you have done will surprise you as well! It’s been a rough year, and in the end we have been here supporting each other and that’s one of the most rewarding parts of being in a fandom! 💜

Glimmer screencap redraw

Another picture where I really tested myself on drawing a background! I love it even if it killed my hand!! The background definitely took the longest on this one too. My sister literally said ‘Wait, you did the background? I thought you just drew her?!’ And that was the only validation I needed!! I ended up thinning out Glimmer’s outline so she matched the background better. If you use the vectors on Clip please use this feature! You can do the opposite as well, it’s super useful!

Oh hi! Remember when I said I couldn’t decide between the two locations? Truth is, I also couldn’t decide if I was going to make it traditional or digital. I ended up getting really mad at the traditional version unfortunately. I haven’t gotten the hang of traditional backgrounds. In the end, I should have also done it in Copic and not cheap pencil crayons 😫

Just some space friends! There is something so rewarding about traditional art. Yes, I can see the mistakes and the proportions are most likely off; yet, it doesn’t bother me? I wanted to also show these bonus drawings because nobody is perfect and I thought some of you might like to see some of my process. Being able to hold it in my hands is something I will never tire of, in a way it’s super rewarding. I keep all my art actually and sometimes I like the rough drafts more than the finished work 👀 Outlining artwork can actually ruin the charm every so often 😔 I do really love the final versions of these though!

Annnnnd the last bonus!! As you can tell the final version stayed pretty true to my sketches! I almost went with a more realistic look and made the symbols ‘stitched’ onto the skates. In the end it felt like it didn’t fit the rest of the drawing unless I wanted to add extra details to the clothing as well. The wings on Glimmer’s skates turned into ‘Shwings’ PLEASE tell me other people know what that is? I had a pair a few years ago and misplaced them. I was doing the rough draft and it popped into brain and I treated it as a joke at first, until I gave it a proper chance XD In the end I fell in love with it!!!

[mrdraws]

1) THANK YOU SO MUCH, that means a lot to hear (which I always say when someone tells me something like this, but I truly mean it ♥)

2) This is an excellent question so prepare for a LENGTHY response.

My art journey began literally when I was old enough to pick up a crayon! My mom used to let me and my siblings finger paint all over the kitchen floor when we were infants. It'd always been a fun hobby for me as a sick kid who stayed indoors all the time, but I started really being serious about it when I picked up one of those how to draw manga books in a book store at let's say... age eight or nine. Not really the best place to start, tbh, but it was my springboard into the art world and for that I'm very grateful.

I'm also mostly self taught. Everything I've learned, I've learned from observing real life, other artists (ESPECIALLY this one), watching tutorials and speedpaints on YouTube, and reading books. The only “official” instruction I’ve received are elementary school art classes and an art summer camp thing I did one year. It's been somewhat patchy; I’ve spent most of my time just drawing what I like and somewhat neglecting the fundamentals, but recently I've started going back to the building blocks I've skipped over and teaching myself the basics of drawing, and I feel like my work has improved somewhat because of it.

AS FOR TIPS, here’s what I recommend the most:

-Don’t skip the fundamentals! Teach yourself about color theory, observational drawing, anatomy, composition, etc. They are very very important, and while they can seem boring, there’s always a way to spice it up--like using your ocs as your subjects when you’re doing figure drawing or lighting studies!

-USE REFERENCES. I hear that a lot of artists are discouraged from using references because it feels like cheating, but this is not the case. All of the art masters and all of the professionals use references; it improves your work immensely. Googling stock images is useful, as are scrolling through deviantART for posters who put up photos of themselves in different poses as resources.

-Thumbnail for bigger pieces! Thumbnails are essentially small/messy, exploratory sketches to sort of perfect the idea you have in your head before you actually commit to the finished/full piece. Make lots of little sketches with different colors, poses, and layouts so your finished product is as good as it can possibly be!

-Take inspiration from your favorite artists. I wouldn’t have learned half the shit I know now if I hadn’t been inspired by my favorite artists--anatomy, digital painting, you name it. There’s nothing like looking at someone else’s work to inspire you to create/perfect your own.

-With all of this in mind, draw what you love. Experiment and teach yourself the basics, yes, but if you discover there’s a thing you like drawing above all other things, pursue it! If there’s something you don’t like to do, be it coloring, inking, whatever, don’t do it! It took me a while to discover that I hated clean inking and I preferred sketching and the way sketches looked, and now that I’m focusing on creating things the way I like, I’m so much happier, my gallery is fuller, and I feel like my work has benefited for it. While it’s good to be well-rounded, all artists have a niche, and focusing on that niche is not only harmless, but encouraged!

I hope this helps/inspires some way. Thank you for your question and support :)

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[michaelhdo]

# Do you really need to go to Audio School?

I get this question from time to time and it always makes me chuckle a bit. My question, in reply is, do you WANT to go to Audio School? I was fortunate enough to attend The Conservatory of Recording Arts & Sciences in Arizona and graduated with basically every kind of certification they offered, on top of the normal curriculum. While attending The Conservatory (CRAS) I noticed there were a few different types of student there. A smaller percentage of them were young kids, right out of high school, who weren’t entirely sure what Audio Engineering was really all about. To them, it sounded fun and like a better alternative to the “traditional” College setting. It could have also been that they didn’t have the grades to get into a four year institution, but who can say for sure? These people rarely ended up succeeding in the courses and a few ended up dropping out long before graduation day. Another small percentage of people were adult men (and a few women) who never married and had no children or job, which allowed them the freedom to uproot their entire lives and move clear across the country. But, the majority of people were very much like myself. Audio lovers who decided their love for the craft and their desire to learn was worth quitting their jobs, leaving girlfriends or boyfriends behind and moving away from friends and family. All in the pursuit of audio knowledge and a shot at a career in the glamorized music industry. We charged forward holding onto the hope that this would open doors and allow us to become successful, doing what we love - and if not, at least we got to put our hands on some pretty bitchin audio gear along the way.

I remember touring the school a few months before deciding to attend. Campus tours are given during normal school hours, which gives you a really good idea of what a normal day is like for the students. As I was walking the halls and peaking into class rooms, I remember feeling a bit nervous. That particular day students were being tested on how to route signal through a huge mixing console, which I later found out was an SSL E4000, while being timed by a teacher staring at their every move. The poor kid seemed so stressed, almost on the verge of tears. That is a feeling I myself would get to know very well. As the tour continued I remember how the building was filled with music and life and energy. The hallway walls are covered with Gold and Platinum albums that past CRAS students had worked on. Intimidating, yes but also inspiring. “If they did it, why can’t I?” Burried deep down beneath the intimidation and fear, another feeling started to brew inside me - The feeling that I knew I belonged there.

Before I left that day, I had enrolled.

Showing up to my first day, I had no idea what to expect, even after my lengthy tour. Truth be told, there was nothing that could have prepared me for the sheer amount of information and rapid pace of the curriculum. The first day they set you up with your own Macbook Pro, audio interface, Pro Tools, Logic X and a WAVES bundle of plugins, just to name a few things. Me, being the audio nerd that I am, remember I couldn’t wait to start using all of it, but they had very strict rules on what we could and could not open. It was almost torturous. They told us that we couldn’t even launch Pro Tools until we were half way through the program. They wanted to ensure that they taught us _everything_ and that meant starting with the most basic of basics. 

One of the things they taught and tested us on constantly were, signal flow diagrams. I literally drew hundreds of these during my time at the Conservatory. Ask me today and I could still probably draw you one. We became experts on large format consoles and became intimate with their exact inner workings, all the way from the mic pres to the tape machine. And it wasn’t just the console channels but the patch bay, the master section, the outboard gear the Studer A800 tape machine OR Pro Tools HD running with CLASP and back. I’m talking SSLs, APIs, Neves, and Neoteks to name just a few - We learned to work on the best of the best. (Fun little Side note: When I got out of school and went to work in some major studios in Los Angeles, most did not have as nice of control rooms as CRAS did.) Now, when I say we worked on these consoles I mean just that - We got to put our hands on and operate the world’s most expensive and intensive desks. I remember hating to have to draw those signal flow diagrams and at times it seemed annoying and pointless, but the knowledge that was beaten into us is what now allows me to be able to walk into any studio, with any console and any Digital Audio Workstation (DAW) or Tape Machine and be able to make it all work. Not just work, but I can record and/or mix a project that sounds top level and radio ready. (Assuming the band is any good) They taught us everything we needed to know, about all sorts of outboard gear - Vintage compressors, Reverbs, Delays, you name it - we learned it, inside and out.  Then, they unleashed the beast - Pro Tools. They offered, as an extra curricular activity, the ability to become AVID certified in Pro Tools. It was broken up into 6 tiers. In the history of the school just two people have passed the Tier 6 test and only a handful of others passed level 5. I am happy to report that I am a tier 5 certified Pro Tools user and that may have been the best thing printed on my resume’ when looking for work out of school. Whether you like it or not or choose to believe it or not you can take it from someone who has been there when I tell you that Pro Tools IS the industry standard. Hands down, no argument, it is what it is. If you want to work in the music industry as an audio professional you better be a Pro Tools “Ninja” and the professors at CRAS understand this. Which is why they dedicate a ridiculous amount of time teaching you the ins and outs of that wonderful and sometimes frustrating piece of software. So why am I telling you all of this? One reason is, I want to give you an idea of what it’s like and how much fun it is, but also give you an understanding of how much hard work is involved. It truly is one of those situations in life where you get out of it what you put in. My suggestion - Work your ass off! But the main reason I’m telling you this is to point out one very important detail. What they do NOT teach you at audio school is - TALENT. Talent cannot be taught. I don’t mean this to be offensive to anyone out there and I certainly am not trying to dissuade anyone - BUT - Almost anyone can be taught to press the correct buttons. To some it may come more naturally than others, but eventually everyone can an will be on the same level playing field with regard to making the equipment function. So what sets you apart from the rest of the Audio Engineers graduating with you? TALENT. You either have it or you don’t. Hard work ethic will get you very far and if you apply yourself 110% you just might land a job coming out of school. But remember, the cream of the crop always has a way of rising to the top.

I will leave you with this… If you want to go to audio school and your current life circumstances will allow you the time, then GO FOR IT. It will be one of the greatest experiences of your life. As for being concerned about your own abilities and talent level are concerned, well… You’ll never really know if you never try.

[kainumbernine009]

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

[drgamenstein]

Why I stopped  Drawing.

So I’m struggling right now to re-learn how to draw. I used to draw all the time when I was in High school, but then a teacher kind of crushed my desire to do anything creative ever again. This is that story.

When I was a Junior (16 years old), I was cleaning up my required credits to graduate, basically just taking the easy classes I didn’t care about, but was needed to graduate. One of these classes was foreign languages, which I needed two semesters of. I chose Spanish since, growing up in the south, high school Spanish is a joke. Chances are high you either know it through friends or learned it at a much younger age, and for the most part I was right. I passed every test, completed all my homework and class assignments during class and was able to fuck around and do what I wanted after that. It was basically a free period.

Thing is, apparently my teacher didn’t like that I was breezing through his class. That or he just hated me in general, probably both. By junior year, I had a reputation for being hard to control. I wasn’t a bad kid, I just didn’t care much. I spent a lot of time keeping to myself, drawing or napping, and still completed all my work. My Biology teacher once made a joke that I learned through osmosis, because even though I slept through his class, I remembered the lessons and passed. I also used this trick in English, I would listen to audiobooks at home when I went to bed and leave it on loop all night, then when I woke up I could remember the book because my dreams were influenced by it. Turns out Dexter’s Lab was spot on in terms of easy learning, I don’t know.

Anyway, this guy was a hard ass, he also worked as the school’s basketball coach, but taught Spanish in the mornings. Now because this was first period, and I had just woken up and was full of coffee, I didn’t sleep in this class, ever. I was actually probably my most attentive during this time. The teacher was a hands off kind of teacher, he would basically tell us which part of the book to study, give us a work sheet, our homework, and then tell us to group up, and learn the material. Because I was more socially reclusive then than I am now, I never paired up, instead I studied, finished the worksheet, and the homework right there. All in all it took about twenty minutes, leaving forty to do what I wanted.

The first sign of trouble, was when I was just reading one day, he asked me if I was done. I told him yes, and that I had even finished the homework too. When I proved myself, he yelled at me that homework was meant to be done at home, and that if I have free time I should work on other school work, not goof off. The next day the same thing, when I told him I had no other assignments and I had even finished his homework again to make sure I had no extra work, he told me to join a group and see if they needed help. The next day again, I was drawing this time, and he yelled at me that I wasn’t helping, when I retorted that nobody needed or wanted my help, he got more mad, asked the class to raise their hands if they needed my help and nobody did. He told me that his class wasn’t for free time, and that I needed to keep working while I was in there. Now I was in Art class at the time, so drawing did count as working in my mind, but this being a sports man, he didn’t agree, so the next day when I was drawing again, he came to my desk and told me to pull out all my drawings I had on me.

It’s also important to note here that because I had puppies I was carrying my entire portfolio with me. Everything I had drawn since 6th grade, all tucked away in my backpack to keep the dogs from tearing them up. This was SIX YEARS worth of work I had cultivated and added to. This mother fucker took all of it, looked at some of the earliest work I had done, and said I should try to find something I had talent in instead of wasting my time at something that bad. Then he confiscated it all and told me I could have it all back if I passed his final and didn’t draw or read during his class. Fuck it, fine I thought, so for the next month I just did my work, and sat quietly, when other students refused my help. at the end of the term, Spanish was one of two finals I had gotten a full 100% on, the other being English/literature. When I demanded my portfolio back, this piece of shit told me he had used it as kindling when his kids asked him to make a fire at home. When I asked him if he was serious he didn’t answer, and instead told me that it didn’t matter what he did, I was never going to make a living of my art if I had no talent, that he’d done me a favor getting rid of it, and that I needed to focus on a real career and stop goofing off with worthless hobbies.

I’ll be 26 this month, meaning that it will have been almost ten years since this all happened, and I quit drawing altogether. The idea of losing so much time and effort, and being called worthless by a teacher really stuck with me. I know that the way schools work, any extra-curriculars  not sports related are considered not worth any time, and that’s the schools fault not mine, but still. Losing so much is a huge blow no matter what. I never drew again during school. I spent the rest of Junior and senior year worried that the same thing would happen again, so I didn’t bother, and by the time I got to college and started working I didn’t have enough time to do it anymore.

So yeah, that’s the full story. Fuck I lost a lot that day, I remember one of the paintings in that folder had been adopted by a local museum for a year to showcase local artists, and had just been returned to me that year. So yeah, that’s why I want to overcome that shit, and get back into drawing regularly. If I can, I want to start doing it for a couple hours every night. If anyone reading this has any suggestions for classes, tips or tricks I can find or use, I would be very grateful. I used to only do traditional artwork, with graphite or paint, but lately I’ve been using Spray paints, and Digital art, since even though the tablet cost a lot, the cost in supplies overall is much lower. I don’t remember if I already showed off my paintings in a previous post, but for digital art I’m using Clip Studio Paint, and it’s all new to me, so yeah, any help would be appreciated if offered, but mainly this was a story I needed to get off my chest and put out there so I can move on without it weighing me down. If I could give any advice to anyone around that age, going through some shit, it would be this. Nothing that makes you happy, is a waste of time or effort.

[doodleswithangie]

doodleswithangie’s summary of art 2018

It’s the end of 2018! I’ve picked 12 pieces that I think were the most representative of how I grew as an artist - whether it be through a new technique I taught myself or a project I went through that month, or just something I was really proud of making. I put the links to all the pieces featured under the cut with a little summary of that month’s highlights!

Thanks to all of my followers! Somehow you’re all still here, so whatever you follow me for among all the hodgepodge of content I reblog - I really appreciate all of you sticking around. Here’s to 2019!

Check out all my tumblr doodles here! I’ve also become very active on Instagram this year, which you can find here!

JANUARY: lance 🌙 This was a prompt I was sent for an askbox meme, and I got really invested in the concept and was stuck for a while on how to execute it, but I’m really proud of the result. Also this month: a clothes-swap askbox meme and a Danny Phantom phashion week event. (I tried to do a lot of askbox prompts and events this year to challenge myself and stay active!)

FEBRUARY: dnp + dogs valentine’s day I experimented with lineless work early this year, and for this piece in particular I remember having to find the right colors for the illusion of depth. I also tried to make it really, really cute and heartwarming. (I think I succeeded.) Also this month: baby Lance and Klance week.

MARCH: murphy siblings + buttercup This was my favorite comic that I did for an askbox meme. I had this concept for a long time, and this was the first time I used overlays and basically tried every option I could to achieve the lighting and mood. Also this month: the rest of the music prompts - Miraculous Ladybug, Voltron S5 (the best season), Klance, and Dan and Phil.

APRIL: murphy siblings tribute This was another concept I sat on until I felt that I could do it justice, and I was really surprised by the response! (Sorry to everyone I made cry.) Also this month: a collab with @lil-tachyon and 2009!Phan and 2012!Phan vs 2018!Phan.

MAY: phanniemay day 26/27: imprisoned/exposed Phanniemay! I was so happy I could finally participate this year, and I explored so many different techniques and got to rework concepts that I’ve had for years. I was again really surprised by the response this one got, but then again the Phandom is known to really embrace the darker implications of the show. Also this month: a childhood friends klance au and the rest of Phanniemay.

JUNE: dnp clothing swap I think this was in my sketchbook for a while until I eventually got around to lining and coloring it digitally. I’m still really pleased with how it looks, and I think it captures the general 2018 Dan and Phil vibe. Also this month: Dan’s Birthday (which I still really like) and on the Voltron side - Broganes and Klance.

JULY: just lance things: homesickness This was definitely the most experimental thing I did for Lance’s Birthday Week, and I still don’t really know how I did it. Also this month: my first (online) OC and Interactive Introverts.

AUGUST: MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE! I finally saw Be More Chill and fell in love. AND GEORGE SALAZAR TALKED TO ME AT STAGEDOOR AND COMMENTED ON MY ART ON INSTA. Yes, I was freaking out. Also this month: @lil-tachyon​’s OC Sesuna and Leakira (which I still think is the funniest thing the fandom’s ever done). 

SEPTEMBER: klance pjo au I spent a week and a half thinking through this AU trying to make it work story-wise for my own sanity. This was wildly popular on Instagram which was really weird for me, but it also made me glad that my overthinking was appreciated. Also this month: the rest of Klance Month (all of which got really good responses across both platforms!)

OCTOBER: inktober day 16: the teenage racer I did Inktober over on my Instagram again this year! I always use this challenge to relearn traditional drawing (as I go digital for most of the year), and this year I had a really good pen and sketchbook that I used. I tried to push myself creatively regarding character design, but sometimes I just really wanted to draw tributes to my favorite shows or books. I improved so much since last year’s Inktober, and I can’t wait for next year’s! Also this month: the rest of Inktober on my Instagram! (My favorite is this one of Keith and Cosmo.)

NOVEMBER: potatus et molassus I introduced Over the Garden Wall to my cousin and remembered how much I love this show. I drew these in my sketchbook, then inked and colored them digitally. I really like how I managed to get the spooky atmosphere befitting of teh show. Also this month: Klance Pocky Kiss, Co-Leadership Klance, and Lance Phantom AU (all of which got a great response on Instagram).

DECEMBER: cover me I had a doodle in my sketchbook from the beginning of the year that turned into the bane of my existence as I couldn’t translate it into a satisfactory piece no matter what. Eventually I got this, which I like to think I pulled off. Obviously done when I was still optimistic about Voltron S8. Listen, Voltron still is and will be one of those defining shows that shaped me as an artist, so I have that to thank for it. Everything else... yeah. Also this month: PINOF10, Miles Morales, and post-canon Festive Klance (because despite everything Voltron did, they still somehow left post-canon Klance as an actual possibility, which is just baffling to me).

[cumulohimbus]

100 things I want to do in my lifetime

So, I had a really good conversation today with friends, and I opened up briefly about my stay in a psych ward a few years ago. It came up because I am acutely aware that I haven't been doing well, and am scared to return to a situation anything like my previous stay at said ward despite knowing that being hospitalized would probably be very beneficial at this time in my life. Talking about it did make me remember something though, something that gave me a lot of hope. While my experience with a psych ward was overwhelmingly negative, there was a part of treatment that really got through to me at the time. It especially helped with my suicidal ideation, which is something that's been really problematic for me again lately. Since I remembered it, I'm going to revisit the exercise, and I encourage anyone and everyone who also struggles with suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self harm, mental health issues, or even if you're just having a bad day, to give this a try. It's simple. Make a list of 100 things you want to do in your life. They can be as realistic or unrealistic as you want them to be. They can be big, long-term goals, or small, silly goals, and everything in between. The only rules are to write 100 things, and to avoid sarcastic or pessimistic things like saying one of your goals is to die or something like that. Save the list! Then someday you can go back and cross off things that you've accomplished or edit as you see necessary. Without further ado, here is my list:

1. I want to get my name legally changed to Larkspur Emmett so my dead name is no more

2. I want to get top surgery

3. I want to rekindle relationships within my family, especially with my cousins

4. I want to get scuba certified

5. I want to dive over the "sunken island" location on the lake my family had a cabin on that I visited frequently while growing up

6. I want to go diving in general, seeing a coral reef in person is an especially huge dream of mine

7. I want to rekindle my knowledge of the Spanish language and eventually become fluent

8. I want to continue learning American Sign Language

9. I want to learn more about my ancestry; I know I'm a vast mix of probably mostly European blood, but my family comes from so many different places and I'd like to know more about them

10. I want to finish the art commission I started for my close friend

11. I want to travel to places like Costa Rica, Japan, Chile, and Australia

12. I want to go on exotic travel adventures with a future romantic partner or close friend

13. I want to get my Bachelor's degree

14. I want to earn enough money to live comfortably, probably with pets

15. I want to adopt a pembroke welsh corgi

16. I want to beat my eating disorder(s) for good and be able to stop taking medication to help if at all possible

17. I want to go ziplining

18. I want to go skydiving

19. I want to hike through the Monteverde biological cloud forest reserve in Costa Rica

20. I want to develop a drag persona and perform as my persona on a regular basis

21. I want to make a fursuit (yes I said it, fite me)

22. I want to finish an entire animated music video

23. I want to learn more about plants and successfully keep one alive for longer than a year

24. I want to try my hand at raising an ant colony

25. I want to go swimming more often

26. I want to learn more martial arts

27. I want to learn to be a leader in my community

28. I want to work harder in my college classes

29. I want to learn to not fear loneliness and abandonment, and to appreciate my alone time

30. I want to get (many) more self-designed tattoos

31. I want to continue learning how to appreciate my body without caring about other people's opinions on what is considered "attractive"

32. I want to eat more whole foods both because they're healthy for me and taste far better than anything with chemicals in it

33. I want to meet a few famous people in person, can't think of many off the top of my head though, but I know there are a couple

34. I want to take dance classes again

35. I want to learn how to play a musical instrument (I mean, I took 7 years of piano and can kinda read music, but I wanna learn an instrument that's better suited for short fingers lolol, maybe french horn?)

36. I want to finish the paintings I've started

37. I want to learn how to digitally render things realistically

38. I want to finish the fanfiction piece I started a couple years ago

39. I want to become more patient and less envious

40. I want to heccing fly, okay?

41. I want to feel like relaxation is deserved and expected, and not a luxury only for those who can afford it

42. I want to reassemble an animal skeleton

43. I want to dig up a fossil (specifically of some sort of mesozoic creature, that'd be so cool)

44. I want to get back to using my planner

45. I want to play more (board, card, video, etc.) games with my friends

46. I want to disassociate less and be present in the real world more often

47. I want to be more informed about what is going on both in general, but especially in my more immediate environment

48. I want to take up better drawing habits (more life drawing, warm ups, breaks, etc.)

49. I want to try a real goddamn piña colada, bonus points if it's on the beach

50. I want to try existing in a portable living situation, like a renovated bus or van, for a while

51. I want to learn basic wilderness survival skills

52. I want to learn how to identify many different species of all types of organisms, especially plants and animals

53. I want to get my vehicle fixed up nice and maybe hand paint some things on it

54. I want to learn more about different cultures because they're fascinating and I want to be as respectful of all people as I possibly can be

55. I want to paint the waterfall jungle mural of my dreams in my future house

56. I want to gain better control of my emotions and my responses to them

57. I want to fabricate a working pair of wings for human beings

58. I want to learn/do more embroidery

59. I want to get a cerulean blue Corvette stingray

60. I want to get better about not procrastinating

61. I want to go to more events/be more involved wherever I am

62. I want to go for more walks to places I haven't been to before, bonus points if it's in the middle of the night and/or in the rain

63. I want to do things like play in inflatable obstacle courses and ride on roller coasters without caring about whether other people judge me for doing those things as an adult

64. I want to regain the physical strength I have lost from being sedentary while my mental health has been at its lowest

65. I want to spend more time laying in the sunshine, preferably with the bare minimum of clothes on because I enjoy the warmth on my skin

66. I want to cuddle more with others that feel comfortable enough to participate in that with me

67. I want to learn more about the fabrication of clothing and design/make some outfits for myself

68. I want to cosplay, maybe go to a convention sometime

69. I want to go skinny dipping >:3 (look, it's number 69 on the list, okay?)

70. I want to try all sorts of foods I've never had before

71. I want to see a butterfly leaving its cocoon in real life again

72. I want to read more of the books I own

73. I want to be kissed by someone again...it's been over 4 years...

74. I want to eliminate my habit of requiring a Youtube gaming playlist to be playing in order for me to fall asleep

75. I want to learn more about the history of the lgbtqia2s+ community

76. I want to learn how to cook for myself better, and like, actually use those skills on a regular basis

77. I want to learn how to take care of my vehicle better on my own, like how to change a tire and such

78. I want to learn to communicate better, and just, in general how to be the best friend I can be

79. I want to stop using all substances for the purpose of drowning out my surroundings and messing with my temporal senses, if I'm going to drink/smoke/get high/whatever, I want it to be because I want to for fun, not because I want the chemicals to take the edge off my mental illness(es)

80. I want to start taking better care of my dental hygiene

81. I want to learn more about my legal rights and finances and other "adult" stuff that doesn't really get taught to you unless you specifically go looking for it

82. You know the somewhat obnoxious game Bop It? Yeah, I want one of those again, keeps me entertained for a long time

83. I want to design more things in general, more characters and their outfits and personalities and the worlds they live in, I enjoy that

84. I want to spend more time outdoors with my friends, watch sunsets and collect miscellaneous objects from the universe and such

85. I want to teach someone something, sit down and maybe teach someone how I draw or about something that I am at least somewhat knowledgeable about

86. I want to go to more aquariums; if/when I travel more I want to go to every aquarium I come across

87. I want to start a legit collection of something and like, build it up over a long period of time so it gets pretty impressive

88. I want to get my eyes surgically corrected so I don't have to wear glasses or fiddle with contacts

89. I want to learn more about Greek and Latin roots and just words and symbolism in general

90. I want to lose the embarrassment I have about my hyperfixations because I deserve to not feel ashamed of the things that bring me satisfaction and joy, and it's okay if other people don't share my enthusiasm about such things, I just want to learn to not be embarrassed that I like stuff

91. I want to get over my fears/discomfort re: nudity, especially for life drawing classes; see, it's one thing to see someone nude and divert my eyes but for life drawing I'm kinda forced to look...

92. I want to understand myself better and learn to love me instead of the opposite; I want to be full of love for the beautiful people around me and I want to really solidify in my brain that I am one of those beautiful people

93. I want to do more things for others that are meaningful because that makes me happy, and I want to learn to do those things while also respecting everyone's, including my own, boundaries

94. I want to develop a sleep schedule that is healthy and appropriate, and that I'm able to maintain

95. I want to run in the rain more often and jump in puddles (edit: while typing this it started storming out and I had to run outside in my bunny pajama short-shorts, winter boots, and a sweatshirt, to grab my box of silly plant seed experiments before they blew away, so progress is already being made)

96. I want to get over my intense fear of making phone calls

97. I want to learn how to sing better with my new and improved deeper voice from being on Testosterone

98. I want to get my first tattoo fixed up and hopefully renew the meaning it had to me at the time that I got it -- I want to try to keep that promise

99. I want to spend more time actively working on improving my mental health

100. I want to see more, I want to learn more, I want to do more, I want to be the version of myself that is genuinely amazed and curious by all manner of things, and I know that part of me is still there

And now, once you've finished your list, you have 100 reasons to not give up, because there's no way of knowing what you're capable of doing if you don't exist to try.

[gryndboxstudios]

Artist Profile: Boton de Rosa

I have been following Boton de Rosa, (or Mirsa, as I know her) since we were both in high school and I can say with confidence, she is one of the most talented artists I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Seeing the evolution of her art has been awe-inspiring, and I have no doubts that we’ll be seeing her art everywhere in a matter of time. I had the pleasure of asking her a couple of questions as part of our first ever artist profile!

First off, do you prefer Boton de Rosa or Mirsa? Where’d you come up with that name?

I like Boton de Rosa! It’s a nickname my mom gave to me when I was little, it’s Spanish for “rose button”.

I know you’ve been drawing since before I met you in high school, did you ever see yourself making prints, stickers, commissions, etc. Did you see yourself becoming a professional illustrator?

To be honest, I saw myself being a zoologist or something in the veterinary field when I was in high school. I completely put the idea of ever being a professional illustrator aside. I knew I was a decent artist, and most of my friends encouraged me to do something in the animation field or have a career with art. I just didn’t think of that as a possibility. When I took my gap semester in between high school and college, I started to reevaluate what I wanted, and since I wanted to go through a technical college instead of an actual university, I looked at their course curriculums to see what they had to offer. Digital media was the closest thing to anything I like, so I took that route. Best decision I ever made. It was until I moved to Brownsville that I actually started to get a small following, and my partner at the time was very pushy about “getting me out there”.

Would you say you have any overall themes in your art, any parts of yourself you like to put in your pieces?

I think a lot of my pieces just reflect emotion. For the most part, I tend to create bigger, significant pieces when an emotionally important part of my life has occurred. Theres a few undertones of heartbreak, betrayal, things like that.

What artists inspire you or taught you how to be better?

I started following Audra Auclair a couple of years ago, she’s one of my biggest influences. She is actually one of the main artists that got me into doing this again. Corpsetits is also amazing, Matt Bailey, Alex Pardee. I’ve been following him ever since he did an album cover for The Used, the bright colors and the grotesque. I live for it haha. Gabriel Picolo is also someone I started following more recently.

How has the criticism you gave yourself when you started different from the criticism you give yourself now?

I’m always criticizing myself, but I will say it’s gone down quite a bit. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m a lot happier with where I am now compared to where I was three years ago. I can see that reflected a lot in my art, I do always push myself to do better.

Are you happy with your art? Are there older pieces you wish you did better?

So far, yes! To be honest, I am very much a people-pleaser. As much as I do this for myself, just the feedback I get is more than enough. And yes, there’s a Bee and Puppycat fanart sitting on my old laptop I want to redo completely. Plus a million other sketches I have in my old sketchbook, all in due time haha.

What do you think about people buying your art? Would you buy your art?

It blows my mind! It makes me so, so happy, I put a lot of love in my work, so it means the world to me. I think I would, I always try to draw things that I would like to have. Not gonna lie, I have three of my stickers on my car and a few others in miscellaneous places.

What frustrates you while drawing?

As I mentioned before, I tend to draw some pieces when I’m in a certain emotional point in my life. Sometimes I run out of that “juice” and I have things sitting on my mac for weeks. I have a piece I haven’t been able to finish for the past month, I just haven’t found myself in that mindset anymore. I’m also somewhat of a procrastinator, so that always sabotages me in the worst of ways.

How often do you draw, be it doodles or projects?

Multiple times a day, I have a scratchpad full of doodles in the office where I work. Plus sketchpads scattered across my apartment and in my car for whenever I get some inspiration.

Would you ever consider any other mediums?

I really would like to! I’ve always wanted to have an anime series or something of the sort. When I lived in the valley I started writing rough drafts of a zombie apocalypse short called “Maya-Pocalypse”. Basically, it would be a small dog (inspired by my own Maya) surviving the zombie apocalypse and trying to find her way back to her owner. It was great, but I never set time aside to do research on how to animate or maybe have it set into a comic.

What are some of your other hobbies?

I love to take my dogs out on hikes, write poetry, play ukulele (albeit badly), and occasionally play video games.

When do you know when a piece is finished? 

I don’t think I’m ever finished, haha. Even when I send something out to print, I sometimes add little details here and there. There’s always something changing.

I know you do both traditional and digital, what’s your setup for digital look like?

Digital art consists of my iPad Pro, Apple pencil, my Mac and the magic mouse. I use Procreate and Illustrator Draw on my iPad, which is really useful. I really recommend the iPad Pro, it lets me start off a drawing in the app, then I can transfer it over via the creative cloud and I can finish it up on my mac.

Where do you start when starting a piece?

The eyes, eyebrows and eyes help me set the tone to what I’m drawing.

Where can you see your art going?

I’m hoping to get it on an album cover someday, or even on a movie poster.

What are you working on now? Any big plans for your art, have you considered entering shows?

Yes, I’ve been invited to do two shows, one in February and another in March, so I’m hoping to have something really neat ready for those two. I want to sell my work at a vendor spot sometime this year. Just to be able to get over my shyness and talk to people and sell them my art would be cool.

That’s about all the questions I have for you, anything else you’d like to add?

I would like to say that no matter how many times you get stuck, don’t ever stop! We all have our own creative processes and just take a little while to get where we need to be. Trust yourself and just keep going!

You can follow Mirsa on Instagram to keep up with her art here! Follow Gryndbox Studios as well for cool shit here and there! IG TWITTER