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sabbywrites · 3 years

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Let’s talk.

This is a long post that also happens to be long overdue. Also posted as a thread to my twitter (tl;dr at end).

Hi everyone. It’s been a while. I’ve been debating for a little bit on how to write this, going back and forth between feeling scared and feeling determined to say what I want to say. I’m finally at a point where I can confidently say: let’s talk.

First, I want to say this: I’m sorry. I haven’t been very consistent these past two years, with both my writing and with keeping in touch with everyone I’ve met online. If you’re reading this and I haven’t spoken to you in a while, know this: I will be getting in touch with you soon. I haven’t forgotten the amazing people I call friends.

If you folks will have me, I’d love to catch up with everyone I haven’t talked to during my absence. I want to make one thing very, very clear— me being gone was never about me not wanting to talk to the people on here or participate in this community. The thing I regret the most about being gone is leaving people in the dark. If my absence has in any way, shape, or form hurt you, I cannot begin to apologize enough from the bottom of my heart. That was never my intention, although intentions don’t fix the hurt caused.

I want to discuss the reason for my absence, so please bear in mind that I’m not trying to excuse being gone— just explain why.

Some of you may know that I have three diagnosed mental conditions that have mostly been manageable through medication and therapy. When I first started writing online, I was halfway through undergrad and I wanted a place where I could put my writing so people might enjoy it. I found that pretty quickly on Ao3. As I worked on getting my writing degree, I would spend hours and hours working on what became ASID. I was thrilled beyond belief when ASID drew in readers who left wonderful comments.

I have a huge amount of love in my heart for everyone who has ever read any of my works, and I wouldn’t change anything about that. Ever. But as I graduated from college, I started noticing that my mental health was on a sharp decline that it hadn’t been on since high school. I tried to keep it at bay for a while, because I was sure I would bounce back.

I did not.

I began to take small breaks as I jumped into graduate school. I feel very purposeless without school in the background of my life; I’d gotten a degree that a lot of people in my life implied was useless, and with every break I took I felt more and more like an imposter. What’s a writer who doesn’t write? Had I gotten my degree for nothing? I trudged on through grad school and received my Masters in May. It still didn’t feel right. I felt like a failure.

Every time I logged on to talk to friends or check my comments, a voice in the back of my head kept popping up. I was getting older and less motivated. Life outside of undergrad hit me all at once. Nothing I wrote felt good enough to post. The amount of debt I was in already made me ill, and I went through four years of schooling just to feel like the degree I earned was for nothing.

There’s a weird misconception that artists have to be suffering to make good art. We have to be low to do our best. And I was low, lower than I had been since the absolute worst days of my life, and I still couldn’t produce anything. The pain wasn’t enough to jump-start me. What worth did I have, then? What worth does someone who has put their heart into their writing have if they can’t write anymore?

I mistakenly felt like I was an imposter among genuine people, like the friends I had made and the writers I admired were on the other side of a window, in a place I couldn’t get into. When the pandemic rolled around, things had already been teetering on the edge. I won’t sit here and pretend that I got hit any worse than anyone else during 2020— I had a roof over my head and a place to go during my state’s lockdown. But there was ample time, and yet I still wasn’t writing. I couldn’t even do that right. I had to rawdog my mental illness for a stretch, live in a town where the worst trauma of my life had happened to me, and feel like a total, complete, garbage failure every single day. Logging in was more and more of a reminder that I was dead weight.

Financially, I wasn’t doing much better. In the past year or so, I’ve had to provide for myself living on my own on an nonprofits’s pay (not much), as well as occasionally provide for my uncle. I’d thought that by my mid-twenties my life would be different; that I’d be better. In the last few months, it’s become clear that I require surgery for something that may not yet be able to be covered by my insurance; my options now are to wait for it to progress and get worse for coverage or pay out of pocket for the surgery sooner. It’s likely I will need a second one afterwards to completely correct my issues.

For a while, that just made the idea of writing again feel selfish. Why spend time interacting with the community when I should be working to make money because I wasn’t eligible for the stimulus? Why sit down and write something that I would probably just scrap anyway? There’s a lot of other more personal things that happened during my absence that I won’t delve into, including the passing of our family dog. I’m sorry if this seems vague as well, or if it appears that I’m just trying to make excuses— I’m not. Ever since I was younger, I’ve always kind of receded in on myself any time I feel anxious or like a phony. I know it’s not a good habit.

So that’s why I’m here right now, writing this. If I could go back and tell myself that those things I thought about myself weren’t true— that I deserve to have fun in this community and I deserve to talk to the people I care about— I would. But unfortunately, I can’t do that. All I can do is move forward.

I’m not going to sit here and promise that things will be the way that they were back when I first started; not right away, at least. But as of lately I’ve been letting myself peek at my Tumblr dash every so often or log into my Ao3 to see my comments. Those things used to scare me— and they still kind of do right now— but I can’t let them anymore. Joining this community is one of the best things I have ever done. I mean that. The people I’ve met, the comments I’ve received, hell even the discourse I’ve jumped in on— I wouldn’t trade any of it. Things might be overwhelming for a little bit as I adjust to being back after so long, but I want to be here. I want to let myself be happy again.

If you’ve read this far— thank you. Thank you so much for your love and for your patience. Like I said before, I cannot stress enough that my absence was because of myself alone and had nothing to do with my amazing friends on here or the community. If I haven’t messaged you in a long time— again, I apologize. I really, really did drop off. But the only way I can be better at being consistent with the people I care about is by holding myself accountable, not shrinking away.

It may take me a few days to really sort through all of my unread messages and comments and asks and give them the attention they deserve. But I promise, I’ll reach out to everyone whenever I’ve taken the time to do so. Thank you all for being there even when I am not.

Tl;dr—Mentally and financially, I’ve been struggling a lot this past year. I fell back into bad habits of receding into myself and leaving people in the dark, and I really wish I hadn’t. I’d love to be a more active part of this community again. I love all of you so, so much.

#sabby rambles

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rae-arts777 · 3 years

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I want to talk about my religious trauma

I just want to tell my story, I know mine is minor, I know there’s worst out there, but I’m hoping maybe mine cause reach out to anyone experiencing the same so they feel less alone

Let’s start way back

Edit: (sorry I should have put this earlier) TW: slight sexual assault, self harm, suicide mention

Growing up a christian adventist, I knew Friday night to Saturday was worship. No electronics or TV unless it was veggie tales, or a Bible cartoon, and church Saturday.

Of course I acted out a bit, and would get scolded for not staying still. My mother however wasn’t upset at me for ruining church, just upset I wasn’t behaving and granted don’t blame her cause I was a brat lol. I would get in more trouble if I went with my grandma. I was “disrespecting the lord in his house” and well...I mean it’s hard for a child to sit still for 8 hours wearing a dress and shoes that made me itchy and gave me blisters

Now church was fun in some sense. Got to see my friends, food after services, I loved being able to help in the kitchen and help the elders as well.

Good right?

Well...as a child, we think what we know if right. I thought the way we had church was common to everyone. When I started school, it was different for me. I asked “why do my friends go to church on Sunday?” My grandma told me “they just don’t know the proper way, it’s your duty to tell them”

I remember...being really horrible towards a kid who’s family was an atheist. We were still friends, but I will tell him “you’re trusting the devil”. My words never seem to hurt him since he laughed them off, but I never stopped...I look back and have so much guilt. So much guilt towards others too since I tried to tell them church was Saturday’s, and going on Sunday was wrong. I think about how horrible I was, cause my religion never taught me to be accepting to others beliefs, it taught me that it’s my duty to turn others to the right way. And that makes me upset. If my religion was the religion of “accepting everyone no matter what” then why is every one else’s religion the work of the devil? And why are baptism, also who was Christians, deem “evil” like Catholics in our religion.

Middle school. I started attending the church school. Hell

I didn’t like our new pastor, something about the way he said things just...didn’t stick. His kids were a nightmare. They torment everyone. Got teachers fired they didn’t like. And went crying to their parents if they didn’t get their way. No they were not toddlers. They were teens. One got in between my old best friend and I, and since then her and I were never the same.

Because I liked art and anime...I was the weird kid, so they constantly picked on me. Pastor kids telling me certain kids here didn’t deserve to be made by god. That god made a mistake. I told them to stop, but they would go “you just don’t know. It’s hard for us!!! We don’t mean what we say!” And looking and writing this now, that was the first gaslighting and toxic friendships I experience.

It made me more mad the pastor told the whole church that his kids were perfect children. And they set an example of how all the kids in the church could act. That pastor family was just horrible. Lies, manipulation, just rude. He would make side remarks about my mum’s blonde dye hair. He would say something to my mum if I wore pants or a leather jacket to church. Just the way he said things, made my mum feel like she was a horrible parent. They made side comments when my dad would finally show up.

“I’m sorry my dad wasn’t constantly gone, he’s was too busy fighting for our country.” Is what they would want us to say.

Church become a chore. Not a joy. And when we got a new pastor, one I started to connect with, we moved away and in with my grandma

Now highschool. This is where I started drifting away from religion. I love my grandma..I really do ...but she’s so extreme. The Bible this. The Bible that. I can’t have a normal conversation without her being up the Bible. Can’t watch a movie, show, or listen to music that’s not Christian without her bringing up the Bible or turning it into a Bible lesson. I hated going to church. I hated hearing “repent. The world is ending soon”

Hearing constant that our young generation is filled with the devil, feeling all the eyes of the elders on me as I’m trying to comfort someone’s child so they can enjoy church peacefully

Hearing anyone experiencing love towards the same gender is the devil’s working

That everything I like is filled with the devil

My grandma start forcing religion worst and worst down my throat. Saying I have to be prepare. I need to make my choice. Don’t I want to be in heaven with everyone? I need to give myself to god

I won’t see my family members who passed away Catholic.

That I need to tell my other side of the family who’s Catholic the right way

The news comes on....hearing the Bible says this the Bible says that

Trying to defend trump with the Bible

This pandemic is the first plague, the world will end soon

The studies getting more and more. I can’t even read the Bible just to study out of joy cause I feel like someone is breathing down my neck.

I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

And then I’m introduce the rotten apples of my religion.

We shouldn’t wear mask it’s God’s air

Only having faith is god will keep you from getting sick and heal you

Ever remember of LGBT is going to hell

Woman who abortion are going to hell

People will tattoos go to hell

People who don’t read the Bible everyday are going to hell

People who want to make this religion more open and accepting, are hearing the devil and are going to hell

People who kill themselves are going to hell

Mental illness isn’t real; it’s just the devil and you just have to be happy cause you have god.

I told my mom I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t, it’s more forced down on me too much. If the world is ending what’s the point? What’s the point of college? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of looking for love?! Cause I’ve been told so many times my own children won’t ever get to adult or teen hood cause the world will end! What’s the point. I’m so grateful to have a mother who understands..

And it pisses me out with these Christian movies. A boy is about to kill himself, and is getting told “you’ll go to hell! You really want that?! To go to hell?!” Why are you showing this?! That’s a last thing a suicidal person needs to hear. They don’t need a fucking Bible lesson, they need comfort!!! As a person who’s tried drowning, choking, and harming themselves, I fucking know I wouldn’t want someone to find me and say “you’re going to hell for that!”

And then you have those horrible people who think just cause they are religious that it gives them a right to be a shitty person. My grandma would fucking forgive a murder if they came out as Christian.

I told my grandma once “I do want to be more involved with the church, I want to give a sermon” and she told me “you can give a small one, not a full one, god did not use women to preach, he used men. I rather you do the children’s story”

.......

The Vice President...some Christians hate her cause “god didn’t intend for women to lead, if he did his apostles would have been women”

my grandma says “she slept her way to the top!” But oh! She didn’t mind if trump, a man who’s assaulted god knows how many women was in office...

Forgive everyone....you’re suppose to forgive abusers..my bullies....I was told to forgive them even if they never said sorry..cause god wants us to forgive

I allowed..a boy to convince me to do things...cause men always knew what was right...it was ok as long as we didn’t have sex...and it was ok...cause he was a Christian boy...

I just try to be a good human...I have sickenly forgave so many people who’ve hurt me....and now...I’m the pushover...

But what I did was wrong...

I’ve just....drifted away slowly...my grandma has sort of stop trying, maybe cause I’m an adult so I can make my own choices..maybe my mum told her something...

But the things she says makes me feel ashame for being Christian....

For the longest time I thought we were perfect people...now that I’m older...I see we’re just as bad..if not worst...

It makes me so sick...just thinking..how I forgave people who HURT ME cause ...if I can’t forgive, then God doesnt want me.

If god really wants all of his “children” then why if it when we says “I don’t want to forgive the person who gave me this trauma” then it’s “i forgave you why can’t you forgive them? It’s so simple, you really can’t do something that simple? Guess you don’t want to go to heaven”

I’m so done

I’m so tired..

I have a headache and started crying a bit while writing this and there’s so much more. But my wrist hurts and just...I want to scream.

But for the majority...that’s my religious trauma.

I’m not hoping to gain anything, just to reach to anyone else who’s going through the same emotions...you’re not alone ok?

#talk #Rae talks #serious talk #religious trauma #that’s my story #ex christian

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thecuckooinmyhead · 3 years

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Ma as I called my mother and I never shared any sort of camaraderie ever since I was growing up. Truth to be told, I did not understand who she was. A woman of middle stature, long black hair unto her waist, fair and someone who was always very important to our household. While I was always at loggerheads with her she did not really have the SOP to be a mother at 17. By the time I was 14, she was 34 and I always disregarded her because of her temper, tantrums and her favouritism for my younger sister. I would constantly appease her unless I wanted to be whacked with a hot ladle, mop or anything that came to her purview. At 16, I convinced my parents to send me back to Calcutta for further study and when I returned back home to my parents’, I was 21, ready to be married off despite securing a job at a star hotel. Because my mother would have it no other way. She was stubborn as a mule.

We weren’t nemesis exactly so to say, but her bias, her orthodox perception were making me claustrophobic. Marriage was the only way out of that banter.

We often went on for months without speaking to her till she broke the ice. Not a lot had changed until 2017, when I consciously decided to understand and make amends. I realised she was the last of 9 siblings, unloved, uncared and mostly sad or hysterical. Things improved a whole lot between us, I often helped her with all the things that needed new age technology, whether it was an online bill payment or booking an uber for her from another part of the country or ordering grocery during the pandemic. My sisters and I prodded her a little and indulged in her whenever we could. I reckoned when she was my age, 43, she was already a doting grandmother to my son. Every family get- together would turn out to be a nightmare because she would compete for attention even with a fly. With my father falling sick and having to deal with an ailing man whom she had professed her love at 12 and got married at 16 made things even more. Also being parents of daughters especially when they are ageing can be humiliating again when all their savings have depleted in an archetypal scenario .

However, three of us would make sure we took care of them. That is the role I assume every child does once parents get older.

On the 9th of july,I received a call at 2 in the morning from Ma, saying “Baba had a cardiac arrest and he is in the ventilator.” Travelling across the country during Covid times is a hassle i realised after following all the state wise protocol, after which my sister and I reached with my nephew on the 12th. Baba was discharged three days later but had to be on three dialysis a week. On the 16th, it was decided Ma would be taking Baba for the dialysis and my sister and I would finish all the errands at home. At 7pm, Baba called and said Ma wasn’t around, so we asked him to get back home. We searched all the probable places she could have gone since we had a hired auto driver for my parents’ errands. She was nowhere to be found.

At about 10 pm, we lodged a general diary, followed by a missing person’s report the next day.

We always knew Ma was the love in Baba’s life and despite him being strong he broke down. I held the fort, refusing to yield. I always say love and grief has no rules. No one can frame an expiry date to grief. We went on pretending she was somewhere and would return soon.

Finally on the 3rd of August, the only input we got from the police was that CCTV footage had caught her walking into the Ganges. She wasn’t carrying a phone or a wallet.

Every morning after that I would go to the pier and sit trying to comprehend a spot she might have sat on that fateful day. And every time I was a little more wistful than the previous . Each of us processed grief differently, while I became rock solid without having time to emote, my middle sister grieved for being distant with Ma, the younger one said she was unaffected. Although one day she just started howling on a video call, stating she missed Ma. If someone asks me why did she do what she did? I have no answers. Perhaps things would have reached beyond her threshold. I wish she shared how she felt, I would have taken her to a doctor. My hands tremble each time I see the name Ma on my phone, but I know she is not on the other side to take those calls. Ma is a very convoluted term, as mothers, women embrace so many roles that we stop existing, making the identities of our loved ones. We are sacrilegious to the point we break down. My mother was exactly 17 years older than me. I have embraced her role as the oldest woman in the family. I look after her man she left behind. The man who never imagined a life without her. He stares ruefully at her photos in his phone gallery, I look at her cookbook, my middle sister stares at the ceiling and the youngest cries secretly in the bathroom. Then on Sunday evenings we have a video call with one out of 5 missing, trying to laugh while our hearts cry.

“The rain split opens our vulnerability,

All those parts that were sewed up

Carefully severed by years of neglect

Holding by a thread of belief; that things may better some day

Sometimes we tender those thoughts

For three dozen years and six.

Until one day, a torrential downpour sweeps away what remains.

Tearing open the innate void, old memories, some guilt and a bucketful of regret

The doors remain open and our hearts remain hopeful that someday we will meet in the atmosphere”- PB (ochre ink)

PS- my mother could have been suffering from depression, she was absolutely averse to seeing a psychiatrist despite us pleading with her, however it is imperative to see signs and yield help at the right time. Mental health is far more life threatening than the credit it gets. People with mental illness don’t look like lunatics, they are amongst us, normal looking but with a mind that doesn’t love the body.

#mentalwellness #mental disorder #mental heath support #mothers #death #suicide #depression

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thenightling · 3 years

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Opinion on the rioters who dressed as The Punisher

Opinion on the Rioters dressed as The Punisher:

I recently found out some of the Capitol rioters were dressed as The Punisher from Marvel comics. Do I blame the character? No. However, i have become very cautious in regard to hardcore fans of the character and not merely over this.

First, I admit, I never really liked The Punisher as a character. I thought of him as an edgy byproduct of comics gradually shifting to being darker and grittier. He was one of the first heroes to not preach about justice and redemption but instead wanted to kill. He was not a protagonist. He started as a villain in the Amazing Spider-Man comics. Stan Lee had not liked the character. (This is a fact that is easily checked and Googled).

In the late 80s and early 90s he became very popular as comics became darker and so he was given his own comic and appeared more often and often as a protagonist anti-hero.

I never liked the concept of him. Sure, he had a sympathetic backstory but the “Killing is the only answer” never sat right for me. The lack of mercy he showed even to the repentant, it always bothered me. I got that he was supposed to be mentally-ill but in his own comics his behavior was, far too often, justified.

Other media tried to mimic the character. The Ben Affleck Daredevil behaved more like The Punisher than Daredevil. Instead of a defense attorney he was now a prosecutor. And if he lost a case he would hunt down the criminal and kill him, brutally. There’s one scene where he severs a man’s spine and then gloats as a train comes to hit him, as he lays paralyzed on the track. That’s not Matt.

Ben Affleck again played totally-not-Punisher in his portrayal of Batman. A gun-using batman that was loosely inspired by Frank Miller. And all the Zack Snyder Fanboys came crawling out of the woodwork, insisting that this was “realistic” and “more accurate to the comics” and “but look, he killed in these old comics!” They either were lying by omission or didn’t know about Crisis on Infinite Earths and how main continuity Batman had been anti-gun and anti-killing since at least 1985. The entire plot of Alan Moore’s The Killing Joke was based on this established lore.

There’s no doubt Punisher has had a serious influence on popculture and something I called Darkity, dark, dark writing or as others have named it: “Edgelord.”

It’s a sort of “dark and gritty” “realism” popular among boys between the ages of eleven and fifteen who genuinely think crime would end if we shot every criminal and don’t realize that most real world police officers have never drawn their gun, despite what you might see in the news. If murder truly was the norm, people wouldn’t still be horrified by it.

Now on to the fans. There are far too many Punisher fans who think he was and is in the right. They think he is an aspirational figure to admire and look up to. A “realistic” hero by Zack Snyder standards, because hope and mercy are what is apparently unrealistic in a world consisting of aliens, Greek Gods, witchcraft, and even the folkloric Sandman (That’s in DC, not Marvel though Nightmare is arguably the Marvel equivalent).

I used to be Facebook friends with a Punisher fan. He was equally obsessed with The Joker. At first i just let it be. You’re allowed to like edgy or dark characters. There’s no harm in that. But... he got creepy. He would quote the Joker in conversation about “SJWs” and “progressives.” He would say things like “My eyes were opened as yours soon will be.”

He was convinced liberals tried to ruin The Joker movie and posted pictures of the Joker dancing down the stairs with “HAHAHAHAHA! Suck my dick, Progressives!” in at least two of the facebook groups I run. It got embarrassing that when people would search for my Horror Comics group, the sample post Facebook gave was that one.

He kept talking about how both The Punisher and The Joker are right. His facebook picture would alternate between the two characters depending on his mood. He would post memes “explaining” why The Punisher is right.

He would post articles about this or that criminal being arrested and refer to them as “it” and “thing” and how “it should be tortured four hours before someone kills it.” things like that, about various people who did things that were (admittedly) horrific and reprehensible but he would go into graphic detail about what he wanted to do with them Very sadistic, Saw-like tortures before “Mercifully” killing them.

He once casually told me how he wanted to kill all progressives. I gently reminded him that I have liberal leanings and I got a “You’re different” sort of response.

As his behavior got more fanatical and disturbing, the more uncomfortable I became. After the progressives threat I made the mistake of telling someone who was mutually friends with us both that I felt threatened. Needless to say the one I have just described to you called me a liar, insisted he never said anything threatening. And accused me of being “one of them.”

I told him he had been acting increasingly strangely and needed to stop posting the pro-Joker stuff. And it wasn’t just the film The Joker. It was the version from Gotham (TV series) he tried to emulate and praised. A woman celebrity he didn’t like was soon being called “It.” Then some feminist (I didn’t agree with this person) was saying how The Mandalorian didn’t have enough female characters or diversity and should be canceled. It was some stupid opinion piece published by a site like Buzzfeed or Io9 during the first season of Mandalorian.

This guy was very conservative but had a bad habit of seeking out fanatical articles like this to make himself angry. The only time I ever agreed with him on the matter was when he came to my defense for not liking the 2016 Ghostbusters. Someone in my own Gothic Horror Facebook group had decided to call me a self-loathing misogynist and insisted the only reason I didn’t like it is because the characters were women. No, I don’t like slapstick comedy. I didn’t like that they didn’t bother to use real parapsychology or theoretical physics (as the original had done). I didn’t like that the “genius” of the group licked her proton blaster and that was the common promo image for the film. I didn’t like that people who praised the film entirely forgot that there was a diverse team lead by a woman in the 90s. (Extreme Ghostbusters). I didn’t like that they destroyed ghosts instead of trapped them. That violates the law of conservation and most spiritual beliefs as even being possible. It was just a bad movie.

I agreed with him on that one but when this anti-Mandalorian article came out he went too far. He insisted the woman who wrote it should be dragged out into the street and shot. He called her “it” and “thing” and said she didn’t deserve to live . I told him he was going too far, and she couldn’t take the show away, that he was over reacting.

He then blocked me. I thought it was done and over with, then the Pandemic hit.

When the Pandemic happened he unblocked me and in a revisionist history of events insisted he had blocked me because I had “lied” and said he threatened me. No, he had told me he wanted to kill all progressives, knowing that I am one. And that was not why he blocked me. It was because I disagreed about his death threats about the writer of a Mandalorian article. He wanted to fight. He alternated between insulting me and trying to show how good he was to come to me during a world crisis, like he was doing me a favor. I blocked him this time.

That night my Facebook account was disabled. Someone had reported my account as not being a real person, and Facebook wanted photographic proof that I’m real. It was re-enabled as soon as I sent in a photo but as I don’t have a smartphone (I live in a deadzone) and I’m visually impaired it was a little bit of a pain. This was not something that had ever happened to me before. And I had witnessed this Punisher fan report accounts of those he wanted to “punish” before.

And now I find out some of these rioters were wearing Punisher shirts. So yes, I keep my guard up around Punisher fans.

Do I blame the character? No. Not really. If not him they would have found someone else to try to emulate and idolize. Getting rid of the character won’t get rid of this mentality. I never liked the character but I don’t want him banned. I would be happy if less people were obsessed with him. I would be happy if those obsessed with the character didn’t all remind me of the man I described here. I would be happy if fans of the character were more likely to say that they don’t agree with the character’s actions, they just like his story.

There’s nothing wrong in liking a character with problematic behavior. But if you can’t acknowledge that it’s wrong and instead glorify and romanticize the actions of the character, that’s the problem. I love lots of characters who do bad things. I love Count Dracula. I don’t intend to drink blood and sic wolves on people. And I have absolutely no interest in impalement.

I think far too many Punisher fans don’t realize he’s in the wrong, instead want to be like him, and have trouble separating fiction from reality. I do not blame the character. They would have found someone else if not him. But unfortunately, I AM starting to view hardcore / obsessively being a fan of The Punisher as a bit of a red flag considering how many of them behave this way...

#The Punisher #Marvel Comics #MCU #Marvel Cinematic Universe

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ihearthorror · 3 years

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My Top 10 Favourite Horror Films of 2020

Every January, most people who review or talk about movies on YouTube tend to piece together a Top 10 list of their favourite movies from the year prior. In order to stand out from the crowd (and also because I was too lazy to do this sooner), I decided to wait until March, by which time most YouTubers aren’t really talking about movies from 2020 anymore.

I know what you’re thinking: sounds kinda stupid – why would anybody care about a Top 10 list of the best movies of 2020…THREE months into the new year!? Well, as you’ve likely heard, 2020 was a year like no other, and as result of the ongoing global pandemic, movie release dates from 2020 were pushed back months, sometimes multiple times. Some films that were supposed to be released last year didn’t arrive until 2021, even though they’re officially considered “2020 films,” according to their profiles on websites like IMBD and Letterboxd.

And so, some of these so-called “2020 films” were not available (at least to me) until only recently, such as Saint Maud or The Dark and the Wicked. I feel like I’ve now had a chance to see almost all of the horror films I’ve wanted to see from last year. In this video, if you care to stick around, I will share with you my Top 10 favourite horror films of 2020. So, here we go…

#10/ The Dark and the Wicked:

A sister and brother return to the family homestead where their father is slowly dying and their mother is understandably distraught but also disturbed and distant. The siblings soon realize that something evil has invaded their family home as they are terrorized by whatever is slowly killing their father. Directed by the same guy behind 2008’s The Strangers, The Dark and the Wicked is at times bleak and unsettling, and it does a good job at keeping you intrigued in this family’s unnerving conflict. However, it felt a bit rushed and undeveloped at other times, and its ending left me somewhat unsatisfied.

#9/ Relic:

Soon after Kay and her daughter Sam return to their remote family home following the disappearance of the family matriarch, the widowed Edna, they discover that something sinister has taken hold of both Edna and the house itself. Although Relic – which was co-produced by Jake Gyllenhaal and marked the feature directorial debut for Natalie Erika James – isn’t exactly offering up any enticing twists or salacious gore, or even a original concept for that matter, it relies on evoking dread and building tension to compel its audience to stay invested until the bitter end.

#8/ Amulet:

Taking its sweet time to unravel, Amulet is centered around Tomaz, an ex-soldier who is now homeless but is offered a place to stay at a decaying house in London, which is inhabited by a beautiful young woman named Magda and her dying mother. As the story moves along, we see that Tomaz is starting to develop feelings for Magda, who seems a bit…off. His feelings for her don’t wane even after Tomaz discovers that there’s something insidious going on in the attic of the house, where Magda’s mother is seemingly imprisoned. Toss in a suspicious nun and you’ve got yourself a creepy little film that seems to have fallen between the cracks.

#7/ The Beach House:

One might argue that not a lot actually happens in The Beach House and that the payoff isn’t worth the investment, but if you go into this film with an open mind and zero expectations, you should at least be satisfied. Two troubled college students head to a deserted beach getaway to spend some time together, but end up struggling to survive alongside some unexpected guests as a mysterious infection disrupts their holiday. Although it is a slow build up to the film’s climax, it is a tense and intriguing ride along the way, as a series of unsettling events give way to an apocalyptic episode that feels almost like a throwback to the sci-fi films of the 1950s. Making his feature film directorial debut, Jeffrey A. Brown elicits with The Beach House those brooding existential thoughts that lay dormant in the deep boroughs of our minds.

#6/ The Invisible Man:

There’s always an elevated risk when making a modern film based on an old story that has already been told through cinema numerous times before. The last time H.G. Wells’ 1897 novel The Invisible Man had been adapted by Hollywood was in 2000’s Hollow Man, which was panned by critics despite making a sizeable profit. The 2020 adaptation is far superior and is perhaps the best adaptation of Wells’ classic in any medium. Elizabeth Moss gives a stellar performance that draws real emotion, so that we agonize alongside her as she is essentially haunted by a relentless ghost hellbent on controlling every aspect of her life. We live in an era when technology has advanced enough to bring this 124-year-old story to life like never before, while a polished script and an exceptional lead performance gives The Invisible Man a deeper level of emotion and terror.

#5/ Saint Maud:

For most of Saint Maud it is unclear whether certain experiences are actually happening in reality for the main character or if it’s all simply in her head, as some sort of mental breakdown caused by a work-related tragedy. Maud is a young hospice nurse and a newly-converted Roman Catholic who suddenly becomes obsessed with “saving the soul” of the woman she is currently taking care of, Amanda, a hedonistic dancer with a chronic illness. Maud’s behaviour worsens, as does her mental state, as horrific scenes and visions make us question if she’s actually losing her mind or experiencing something beyond this world. Saint Maud is an A24 feature by the way, so that should be enough to know what you’re getting here in terms of quality.

#4/ The Lodge:

Isolation is often embraced as a way to pad a horror film’s fear factor, and it works especially here in The Lodge, as a soon-to-be stepmom becomes stranded at a remote holiday home in the middle of winter with her fiance’s two children. The kids begin to untangle the dark past of their stepmom-to-be and a series of disturbing events transpire as their hope for survival fades. The Lodge is a dreary, atmospheric slow burn that leaves you somewhat unsettled. With its wintry backdrop, stylish sequences, and almost claustrophobic dread, the film doesn’t ever allow its audience to feel at ease for long, insisting that an underlying foreboding remain intact throughout. Although I found the ending somewhat disappointing, I immediately began to concoct a possible prequel that would delve into the backstory of the film’s lead character. One can hope.

#3/ Host:

It’s increasingly difficult to be innovative and original when it comes to horror films these days, especially in the particular genre of so-called “found footage.” Rob Savage’s Host, however, comes off as something different, setting itself apart from most films in this realm in various ways. It centers around six friends who hold a séance via Zoom during a COVID lockdown, guided (at first) by a medium they hired. The séance then takes a dark turn and things soon escalate into madness. Sure, there are elements in Host that are prevalent in numerous horror films, but it uses a modern and topical way to implement them, while also refusing to overstay its welcome by cueing the credits less than an hour in. Overall, this film’s popcorn-and-Saturday-night-movie fun factor is why it ranks so high on this list.

#2/ Possessor:

It’s always a treat to come across an original idea, especially when it’s within the horror realm, and Possessor is certainly unlike anything else I’ve seen in awhile. Andrea Riseborough plays an elite corporate assassin who uses brain-implant technology to take control over other people’s bodies in order to kill high profile targets, though with every mission she gets further and further away from her true self. With her latest possession, she becomes trapped in the mind of a man who threatens to obliterate her for good. It is a provocative vision by director-writer Brandon Cronenberg, who just so happens to be the son of legendary Canadian filmmaker David Cronenberg, and it serves as a disturbing piece of dystopian fiction that is even more frightening because it isn’t too far beyond belief.

And because everyone else is doing it, here are five honorable mentions that narrowly missed the list:

- The Call

- Color Out of Space

- Don’t Listen

- The Mortuary Collection

- Porno

#1/ His House:

In addition to its emotional storytelling and genuine moments of terror, His House – from first-time director Remi Weekes – sheds a light on the plight of refugees in a way that feels both respectful and empathetic. After a Sudanese couple make a harrowing escape from their war-torn homeland, they are granted asylum in England, where they struggle to adjust and fit in. They are assigned a shabby house on the outskirts of London, where the couple begin to experience terrifying and unexplainable events. His House is built around a fresh concept, two fantastic leads, and some truly haunting imagery, and I wish that more horror directors would put as much effort into quality filmmaking as Weekes did here. If this is his first venture into feature filmmaking, I am excited to see what his future has in store.

There you have it, my Top 10 favourite horror films of 2020. What did you think and were any of these titles on your own Top 10 list? Please tell me your thoughts and recommendations in the comments below.

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mineofilms · 3 years

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2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry…

Where to begin… I have been a type 2 diabetic since 2013. I got diabetes from excessive partying/drinking, originally. I continued to behave like this till June 2020. Granted, I wasn’t going as hard, in general, over the years, but each year and hardship I found myself going back to those old vices more frequently.

When the pandemic struck SWFL my drinking went up about 400%. No joke. I trained 4 days on and drank the other 3 days, hard. I did that from March to late June.

I caught Covid-19 around June 26th. By July 11th I needed to be hospitalized for Diabetic Ketoacidosis (where the body produces excess blood acids; ketones. This occurs when there isn't enough insulin in the body. It can be triggered by infection or other illness.) & Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas. It happens when digestive enzymes start digesting the pancreas itself.) I was in ICU for 36 hours and in the hospital for 5 days. I lost 21 lbs over that time.

3 days after I got home from the hospital, Macular Edema (blood vessels in the retina burst and bleed into the eyes), set in. That took about a month to heal only for Diabetic Retinopathy (those same blood vessels that burst heal and are inflamed).

Usually requires anti-inflammatory shots into the eye ball and laser surgery to burn away some of the excess scar tissue. These cost thousands of dollars without insurance, which I do not have. I have read that they can heal on their own, but it takes about 8-12 months. I am in month 4.

However, I actually cannot confirm if that statement about them healing on their own is actually true or not. Some notes in journals say yes while other, more creditable sites, say no. One must get treatment.

Now let me be clear that Covid-19 did not cause my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis. My lack of proper care for my diabetes caused these. I was already in the yellow and when I got Covid-19 it just put me in the RED. I now, at this point, required medical care or I would die. Those are the facts about me getting Covid-19, my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis…

Flash-Forward to now… I got my blood sugars down to near normal (high) levels. This means my blood sugar is still high, but for me, I used to walk around at 400. 500-600 is diabetic coma. 80-120 is considered normal. I walk around between 130-230, currently, fasted.

I have not had a drink since June 26th. I will never drink again. I can’t.

1) Alcohol has thoroughly ruined my adult life in all sorts of areas besides this. It got me sick to begin with among, other, things.

2) If I drink I could be back in the hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis, again.

3) I made a deal with GOD. If I have to live through this (I prayed to die that night) that I would never drink again.

What kind of dick lies to GOD lol? A decade ago I would have… I hated everything about the concept of GOD. Now, I have come to terms that if there is or there isn’t; it doesn’t matter. I value me, my beliefs. Why not carry myself with that respect. I do not need to tell or share my beliefs with others. I care not for such things.

I am solely worried about my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health.

I did not quit drinking because of addiction issues or any of that business. I made the choice because if I didn’t my pancreas would fail and I would be dead in a few months. That is how bad my pancreas was… I do not see myself as someone that is doing all this for attention. I have barely even made mention of this whole story on my social media. I have told people in direct messages, but I do not post everything that is happening in my life on social media.

Granted this Tumblr account is considered social media, but I do not use it for that purpose. It is strictly for my BLOG entries. I do not follow people on Tumblr. I post, get my URL and share it that way. Its not in your face on Facebook or anything, but one can click the link and go read about the crazy things in my head.

Taking care of my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health is a full time job in and of itself. Now, currently I cannot work. I can only drive during the day. I cannot see well enough to drive at night.

I have other medical issues stemming from this and it is quite the laundry list. However, I think I gave you all enough to think about.

I am back in great shape now. Since I quit drinking and got back from the hospital I went from 119 to 163 lbs. I have not been this big since 2012. Right before I believe my Diabetic State started. My strength is coming back with a vengeance too. I am putting up more weight than I have in nearly a decade.

I have had to make serious and big changes to EVERYTHING in my life.

My computer is now changed from dual 22 inch monitors to one 46 inch monitor. I have to make changes like this just to see well enough to do some things on the computer.

I am still very blind. My vision has decent days and some days I cannot see much of anything. I cannot see my phone without a magnifying glass. I just got my eyes looked at several times cause my power keeps shifting and now my current glasses setup does not exactly help much. My computer glasses are ok for this, but my normal bifocals are pretty useless.

However; I do feel like I can write a little bit more now. I have a few blogs I want to write and then go right back into the novel. This might be the only realistic possibility of me being able to work to earn my keep. Normal 9-5, Monday-Friday are out of the question, indefinitely.

Not only am I not well enough for the grind, physically. My mental health is very questionable. I have had issues for years now. I have had about 20 jobs in 15 years. I have done a real number on my mental health over the years. Always trying to do more, work harder than the next person so I can make that “good money” that some always throw in my face. I did the work. I put in the time, but only to be messed with. Yes, I have that sort of mental issue.

One tries to mess with me. Mess with the positive shit I am doing. I lose my head pretty quick. I have repeatedly demonstrated over the course of my life that I have no restraint at all when it comes to that feeling of being seriously fucked with and have them look at you like; “What are you gonna do about it?”

Well that is it… I always do something about it. Even when I know I shouldn’t. It is my worst impulsive trait that I cannot get a handle on. Ever since I was a kid. I wanna say. It started when I was 11 or so.

I have made huge strides in changing my life, my thinking and how I fit into the scheme of things. I have become more an introvert than an extrovert. Even before the pandemic I was going out less and less. Doing things less and less. It got to a point to where I only went out when I could drink and/or the band was playing. I was already becoming less social. So this is nothing overly drastic about that UNLESS you count Facebook activity.

I have not advertised much on my Facebook and for good reasons… I posted about my 6 months of sobriety and the responses I got were all about, pressing on and “the struggle.”

I pulled it down. There was no struggle here. I am not a keep on keepin’ on mannnnnn… Type of Personality… No… I quit drinking so I can live another 10-15, hopefully more, years. I just went through a friend dying from literally drinking himself to death. I know what people go through with their addiction struggles. I have my own reservations about how I feel about said subject matter.

Needless to say I did not appreciate how people view me on Facebook. I no longer post blogs their either. I post here on tumblr and put a link on my Facebook if anyone wants to read. That is about it.

I know people do not read more than a handful of sentences that ends with a weird hashtag or snapchat handle. I get it. It is also my fault because I have not told the Facebook wall/timeline of my mental and medical conditions and struggles. I reserve those conversations to be personal.

So if you want to know stuff, then let us get personal. Pretty much that simple. I do not do FAKE FRIENDS…

I try to be transparent. In the past it was easy, but now everyone has an opinion that they call facts. I do not know how many people I blocked on Facebook for being so damn ignorant or attention seeking.

I know I do not do attention seeking things. When I write it is with intention to say something. I would say 1600+ words on these subjects merits a little more than “attention seeking” behavior…

Things are looking up. I have done soooooooooo much. With so very little and make it look like I have a lot and that everything is fine. No. God Damnit… Everything is not fine. I am kicking ass trying to make something fine but not everything. Everything will never be FINE… Not ever. However, I can strive for it. I can continue to put in that work and just ignore the dumb shit. Which I am becoming pretty good at. I am still me. I am still blunt. If I rough feathers that is just my way of getting those people away from me.

Goodbye 2020… You will never be forgotten and your mark has definitely been left…

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry… By David-Angelo Mineo Words 1,738 12/30/2020

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rotationalsymmetry · 4 years

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How to Vote

(the other half -- ie, not about how to register, the complicated mess of voting during a pandemic while the USPS is being sabotagued, disability accommodations etc but rather: how to go about deciding who and what to vote for.) (focused on the US) (lefty wavering dramatically between obvious bias and attempts to be politically neutral)

You can probably get info from your county and/or state’s Department of Elections (website, phone number, email, etc) and/or from the library or 411, if there’s info that you want but don’t have yet, like finding out who and what is on the ballot so you know what research to do. (Or where to deliver your ballot because you’re worried the post office won’t -- but that’s not what this post is supposed to be about.)

I desperately miss California’s voter guides -- when I lived in CA that was always my starting point. They’re not perfect. But, like Wikipedia and school research projects, they’re a perfectly good place to start. Anyways: if you got a voter guide or can access one online, start there.

If you’re not sure about a post or issue, or don’t care, it’s OK to only vote on the things you care about and leave the rest blank. You might be asked if you did that on purpose, but that’s it. It’s not going to disqualify your ballot or anything, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing democracy wrong. I mean, I think it’s generally worth voting on everything? But if not knowing who to vote for county dog catcher is stopping you from voting for us president, or vice versa, the important thing is that you do vote about what you care about.

Endorsements: which newspapers, advocacy orgs and other politicians like which candidates and propositions, and why. There’s two ways you can go: you can just go “OK, I trust this group/newspaper/org, I’ll vote how they say” (voting all Democrats or all Republicans is the most straightforward example of this) or you can pay attention to their reasoning and see if you agree with it. Local newspapers are especially useful for local candidates and ballot measures, and if you’re significantly left of center (hi) there might be an alternative weekly newspaper in your area that you can look at. (Dunno about other places, but the San Francisco Bay Guardian routinely rises from the dead to make election endorsements.) There’s advocacy groups for LGBTQ+ people, women, racial and ethnic groups, the environment, renters, disabled people, and people who have strong opinions on other specific issues like gun control and campaign finance reform. Oh, and labor unions make endorsements, so if you like labor unions, you can look at who they endorse.

Friends’ and family members’ opinions and reasoning, similar but less official. Incidentally, if there’s someone whose political views you can’t stand, you can just decide to vote against whatever they’re for and vice versa -- once in a while this can backfire, but most issues and candidates are very partisan. This goes for groups too: there’s some SF groups where if they spoke out against a ballot measure, I almost always ended up voting for it and vice versa.

Looking at history: has a proposition like this come up before, how has this politician voted in the past, to what extent did this politician keep last election’s campaign promises, how do they respond when you send them an email, etc. Kind of like cramming for a test vs paying attention throughout the semester, this is easier the more you’ve been following what your representatives have been doing in between elections. But, cramming is better than nothing. (In this case by “history” I mean like what’s happened in the last 4 years or whatever, not what you’d find in a history textbook, but you’re welcome to take that kind of history into account too.) If you’re young or especially bad at following politics, asking the opinion of someone who’s older or better at following politics and shares at least some political views with you can help.

Reading the actual legal text (for propositions.) Honestly, ime this is one of the least effective things you can do, but it’s an option.

Platforms -- generally candidates say what they stand for and what they intend to do in office on their website. There’s sort of a stereotype of politicians as never fulfilling their campaign promises, but it’s still good to know what politicians say they’re going to do.

Debates, town halls, speeches, rallies, following candidates on social media, etc. Basically: what do the candidates say, and/or do you have a good gut feeling about them. (Gut feelings can be miseading. But so can literally everything else. It’s OK to take a politician’s character into account, as far as you can tell what their character is, in addition to how they stand on the issues.)

Political ads: will probably not tell you anything useful, and will distort your emotional “read” of a candidate. If you can avoid exposure to these entirely that’s ideal; if not, you might want to deliberately give mental points to candidates who are being slammed and take them away from candidates doing the slamming. This stuff has nothing to do with reality. (People putting up signs in yards/windows might give you some sense of whether a candidate is electable in local elections where a dark horse independent or third party candidate is running and will give you a very approximate sense of how popular major candidates are, but that’s about it.) Ads are not really intended to convey meaningful information, they’re intended to create emotional reactions.

If you’re new to voting, this will get easier with time. I mean, it’s always a bit time consuming, and there’s also “the more you just follow one group or person’s endorsements exactly the easier it is, and the more you make each decision individually the harder it is”, but also, you’ll pick up patterns and get a sense of how different groups stand relative to your values (and probably get more confident about your own political beliefs in time as well) and you’ll get a good sense of where you can cut corners and still be happy with your choice, vs where you really should spend the time to do thorough research and reflection.

If you’ve got executive function issues or very limited time, do what you need to do. Set a timer? Do the research with someone else? Ask someone else to do the research for you and tell you what they found? Put a time limit on how much research you’re going to do, and at the end of the time just make a decision whether you feel ready or not? Give yourself lots of get-psyched-up time before and unwind time after? I know I was making test analogies earlier, but there really is no cheating here.

Maybe you’ll make a mistake and regret a voting decision later on. This is OK and it happens to everyone (at least, everyone capable of admitting they made a mistake.) Mistakes can be learned from.

It’s OK to be uncertain. People can be certain and wrong. The whole idea with democracy is that, while any decision-making mechanism can spit out wrong decisions, democracy will overall involve fewer wrong decisions because the people affected by bad decisions are part of the decision-making process. (Which is why being convicted of a felony should never remove someone’s right to vote, but I digress.) It’s an attempt to cut power imbalances, oppression, and cruelty out of the system. Obviously it doesn’t always work in practice. But that is why if you can vote you probably should, even if you feel unsure. Young people should vote. People with mental illnesses should vote. People who have less access to information and resources should vote. Learning disabilities or developmental disabilities? Take your time, ask for help/accommodations if necessary, and vote.

Because, here’s the thing: sometimes it’s hard to figure out who and what to vote for and you have to do a lot of research and thinking it over, and other times it’s really really easy. Because you need healthcare. Or because you know you should be able to get married to your partner. Or because you know that you should be able to use public restrooms like everyone else. Because you’re swimming in thousands of dollars of college debt. Because ludicrous numbers of people are dying from a contagious illness and relief checks are being treated as optional, because your city got wiped out by a hurricane, because your state got wiped out by a derecho, because your state is on fire, and because you know who isn’t handling all that the way they should be. Sometimes the decisions are really, really easy. But only really really easy for some people.

#off the top of my head #politics #us election 2020 #how to vote #I know there should be some sort of black lives matter thing in the next to last paragraph but I was struggling with the phrasing #so I dropped it but it's there in spirit #actually it's possible some of us shouldn't be voting when it's not that obvious for us?#it's complicated #certainly there's always people who think it's obvious when really it's no skin off their nose #but a life or death issue to someone else #political #advice #how to #adulting #i mean yes sometimes human rights shouldn't just be something people can vote on #but again any decision making system is going to have issues #and doing things other ways doesn't automatically get better results

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guianblog · 3 years

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What BRINGS YOU HERE!

are you ready to enter a different realm?

Hey! yo! Ohayou Gozaimasu!

Good day SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD!

Again and Again and Again it's your boy WanderKyle bloging from Tuguegarao City, The Hottest City in the whole Philippines and also the Home of "Pancit Batil Patong".

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BEFORE anything else, first I am going to introduce to all of you who am I. By the way guys I am GUIAN KYLE TAMAYAO LINGAT, the youngest son of MRS. OLIVIA TAMAYAO LINGAT AND MR. CHRISTOPHER MORA LINGAT. I am already 16 years of age my date of birth is February 9, 2004 please mark it on your calendar cause I am willing nor starting to accept gifts and gratitudes already, IT'S A PRANK. WHAT is the first thing that comes into your mind everytime you will hear the word music? Maybe for some you'll say hey lil boy your such an emotional one but for me guys music suits me within my soul it is my own avenue to release my unsaid thoughts.

I just want to show you my greatest hero of all time. THIS IS MY MOTHER OLIVIA MORA LINGAT, I may not show you how I loved you so much cause I am not that expressive type of person but deep within me I owe you my life, I am doing the best I could so that soon in God's perfect time I will gonna treat you wherever you want, we will gonna travel those countries you wanted to go to. I love you so much mom. I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM A MAMA'S BOY.

As we go on into my life this is my brother the elder one, his name is LESTER IVES TAMAYAO LINGAT, 20 yrs. old taking up Bachelor of Science in Nursing at St. Paul University Philippines. This boy is a musically inclined person too like me, he is my model that's why I also loved music too, he knows how to sing play different instruments, during his highschool days he is also a radio broadcaster of our official school paper named "ANG BAGWIS", but the best thing is he is my partner in crime. Everytime I do thing's that is not abide by the law's of our parents he is the first one who will know it like for example when the time that I did not go to school for the reason that I have played DOTA he knows it already.

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Guide questions:

1. Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Is my learning at SPUP vital to where I'm leading to?

I see myself 10 years from now as a professional Social worker, cause I WANT TO have or to make a good communication between people to people and also to reach out their mental state cause I know that MENTAL STABILITY IS MUST! during this days wherein depression, anxiety, panick attack's is very rampant. So should I help in my own simple ways to fill the world with love not hate, understanding not misunderstanding, freedom not judgement. So we can make a world a better and brighter place again.

And I know that ST. PAUL UNIVERSITY PHILIPPINES is very suitable for the course that I want cause we all know that this school have a mission and vision for the community in for the whole world.

2. Was HUMMS the best choice after all?

I choose HUMMS or HUMANITIES AND SOCIAL SCIENCES for the reason that this strand is the most suitable one on what I want to become 10years from now. From the word Humanities and Social Sciences it is more focus about the people and it's community, focus also more on social issues that the country or the world was facing in, also it focus on the abide laws of the country and the world. So if you want to become one better choose

HUMANITIES AND SOCIAL SCIENCES.

3. What course will you take in college and why?

Bachelor of Science in Social Work, cause I want to help people by empowering their human rights for the reason that in this society that were living in 60% of the mortality rate is those people who are deprived by their rights as a human being not an animal.

4. what topic would you like to learn more about this subject?

I like to learn more on how can I be able to jive in the emerging and re emerging trends in technology in order for me to become updated in the social world.

5. What the corona virus has taught you about life.

The thing that I have learned during this pandemic is that I should value life, we should value life to the fullest of our ability because we don't know how long can we live in this worldly body, we don't know how long can we still make memories with our love one's, we don't know how long can we still continue life.

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BLOGPOST2 Techo-Grama

According to a study 90% if the world's population uses smart phones for their daily consumptions. Smart phones makes the lives easier and more accessible everywhere and anywhere. I choose to feature this one because base on my experiences while using this gadget or form of technology it makes my life more easier and accessable base on my day to day consumptions. It also makes us to connect into the world. It also gives us some sort of entertainment most specially that during these days we face the vast emergence of pandemic. Lastly, it gives us information such as news that we will gonna use for daily life.

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MOVIE CROMA

TITLE: "FIVE FEET APART"

PLOT SUMMARY

Stella Grant is a chronically ill teen with cystic fibrosis (CF). She’s been in and out of hospitals for lengthy treatments most of her life. A rule-follower and control freak, Stella is careful to take her medications on time and do whatever is needed to maintain her treatment regimen. Only then can she hope for a lung transplant.

She maintains a website through which tens of thousands of viewers follow her journey. Her friend, Poe, who also has CF, is a patient at the same hospital. They communicate frequently, but often via text. Individuals with CF must remain 6 feet apart at all times to avoid sharing life-threatening germs.

Will Newman is a new patient at the hospital. His wealthy mother has arranged for him to participate in clinical trials all over the world. Nothing has helped. Will’s problem is worse than Stella’s and Poe’s. On top of CF, he has a condition called B. cepacia, which will deplete his lung function rapidly. This condition makes him ineligible for a lung transplant and far more dangerous to other CF patients.

Will’s mother has signed him up for another trial at this hospital, but Will has given up on getting better. He’s days from turning 18. When he’s a legal adult, his mother can no longer force him into treatments. He ignores his prescribed medications and bides his time until he can leave the hospital.

Shortly after Will arrives, he lets his friends Jason and Hope use his hospital room for sex. Stella dislikes the way Will spurns the rules, and she ignores him. Despite their initial animosity, the two develop an interest in one another.

Stella convinces Will to give this new B. cepacia treatment a fair shot. She helps him set up his pills and creates alarms to remind them to take their medications and exercise together. They roam the hospital whenever they can get past Nurse Barb, but they’re always cautious to keep the 6 feet of distance between them.

Will learns Stella is still grieving the death of her older sister and best friend, Abby. Abby died a year ago in a diving accident. Stella blames herself; she was supposed to go on the trip but had a CF flare up and backed out. Stella’s parents have divorced under the strain of one daughter’s death and another’s chronic illness. When Stella develops an infection during her stay in the hospital, Will tries to comfort her in the way Abby once did.

Stella and Will attempt to “date” from 6 feet apart. She invites Poe, her friends and Will’s friends to a secret 18th birthday party for Will at the hospital. They enjoy the time until Barb catches on and shuts them down. Readers learn Barb watched a pair of young lovers with CF die years earlier because they ignored their 6-foot boundaries.

In an uncharacteristic act of rebellion against CF, Stella decides to “take back” a foot the illness has stolen from her and Will. She decides that if they’re very careful to keep themselves disinfected and wear sterile gloves, they can maintain a distance of 5 feet instead of 6. Stella carries around a pool stick, 5 feet in length, so she and Will can gauge their boundary.

Poe dies suddenly, leaving Stella to grieve for another person close to her. When Will and Stella escape from the hospital for a date one night, Stella gets a text saying new lungs have arrived for her. She doesn’t respond to the text because she wants nothing more than to be with Will.

When Stella falls through ice on a frozen pond, Will is forced to give her CPR. He’s afraid she won’t be able to accept the new lungs because he’s poisoned her with his B. cepacia. The doctors follow through with the lung surgery, but Will realizes he has to get away from Stella so she will have a chance to live a healthy life. He packs up and leaves the hospital.

Eight months later, Stella’s new lungs are working well, and she’s enjoying good health. Will and a friend are off to Italy when they see Stella and her friends in the airport. The girls are preparing to board the same flight. Will looks tired and carries oxygen while Stella is breathing well with her new lungs. They smile at each other from 5 feet apart.

CHRISTIAN BELIEFS

None

OTHER BELIEF SYSTEMS

Will tells Stella he believes there is nothing after death but the big sleep.

AUTHORITY ROLES

Stella’s concerned parents have recently divorced. Both feel burdened by Stella’s illness and the death of their other daughter, Abby. They get back together in the end. Will feels his mother is overbearing in her efforts to get him medical help, but he realizes she does it out of love. Barb militantly tries to keep Stella and Will apart. She witnessed a deadly tragedy years earlier when two CFers in love didn’t mind their physical boundaries.

Origin

Cystic fibrosis (CF) is an inherited disorder that causes severe damage to the lungs, digestive system and other organs in the body.

Guide questions

1. What life lessons can be learned from the movie?

It shows us that we should learn to value life and live our lives to the fullest because we don't know how long can we lived in this worldly body. It also shows us that love is the most powerful thing in this world, no hindrance can make a boundaries for two people who are in loved.

2. What part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful? Why?

For me I would choose the time when stella's friend poe died because of cystic fibrosis. Poe becomes the bridge for stella and will to become connected on each other and when poe died it becomes a mere reflection on the part of will and stella that life is a matter of choices whether we lived and take risk or die without doing anything.

3. Who was your favorite character in the movie? Why?

A. Stella, for the reason that she have shown an embodiment of a strong woman despite of the obstacles in life.

B. Will, for the reason that he have shown that even you are the loneliest and alone person in this world you can still be loved.

C. Poe, for the reason that he have shown that in this life we have living in it is our choice to live to the fullest with happiness in our hearts or die with nothing.

4. Did anything that happened in the movie remind you of something that has occurred in your own life or that you have seen occur to others.

Maybe, that part when Stella uplifted Will's mindset that he can do something to be cured from cystic fibrosis. In my own experiences my brother suffered from depression there are times that he wanted to give up everything even his life but I am the one who uplifts him I always tells him that he can and he will eve. though life sometimes become harsh on us always remember that in every storm there will always be a rainbow.

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TITLE: "COCO"

PLOT SUMMARY

In Santa Cecilia, Mexico, Miguel dreams of becoming a musician, even though his family strictly forbids it. His great-great-grandmother Imelda was married to a man who left her and their daughter Coco to pursue a career in music, and when he never returned, Imelda discarded all forms of music from her family's life before starting a shoemaking business. Miguel now lives with the elderly Coco and their family, including Miguel's parents and grandmother, who are all shoemakers. Coco suffers from memory loss and has become largely non-verbal, but Miguel is very close to her. Miguel secretly idolizes famed musician Ernesto de la Cruz and practices his guitar skills using Ernesto's old films. On the Day of the Dead, Miguel accidentally damages the picture frame that holds a photo of Coco with her mother and her father (the latter's face torn off the picture) on the family ofrenda, discovering that a hidden section of the photograph shows his great-great-grandfather holding Ernesto's famous guitar. Miguel, concluding that Ernesto is his great-great-grandfather, ignores his family's objections and decides to enter the local talent show.

Breaking into Ernesto's mausoleum, Miguel takes his guitar to use in the show, but once he strums it, he becomes invisible to everyone in the village plaza. However, he can interact with his skeletal deceased relatives, who are visiting from the Land of the Dead for the holiday. Taking him back with them, they learn that Imelda cannot visit, since Miguel accidentally removed her photo from the ofrenda. Miguel discovers that he is cursed for stealing from the dead, and must return to the Land of the Living before sunrise, or he will become one of the dead; to do so, he must receive a blessing from a member of his family. Imelda offers Miguel a blessing on the condition of ending his dream of becoming a musician, but Miguel refuses and resolves to seek Ernesto's blessing instead.

He meets Héctor, who declares that he knows Ernesto, offering to help Miguel reach him in return for Miguel taking his photo back with him, so that he might visit his daughter before she forgets him, causing him to disappear completely. Héctor helps Miguel enter a talent competition to win entry to Ernesto's mansion, but Miguel's family tracks him down, forcing him to flee. Miguel sneaks into the mansion, where Ernesto welcomes him as his descendant, but Héctor confronts them, again imploring Miguel to take his photo to the Land of the Living. Ernesto and Héctor renew an argument from their partnership in life, and Miguel realizes that when Héctor decided to leave to return home to his family, Ernesto robbed him of his guitar and songs after poisoning him, passing them off as his own to become famous. To protect his legacy, Ernesto seizes the photo and has his security guards throw Miguel and Héctor into a cenote pit. There, Miguel discovers that Héctor is his actual great-great-grandfather, and Coco's father. Héctor only wanted to go to the Land of the Living so he could see Coco again.

After Imelda and the family rescue the duo, Miguel reveals the truth about Héctor's death. Imelda and Héctor slowly reconcile, and the family infiltrates Ernesto's concert to retrieve Héctor's photo. Ernesto's crimes are exposed to the audience, who jeer at him as he is flung out of the stadium by Imelda's alebrije, Pepita. Ernesto is then trapped under a giant bell, recreating the circumstances of his death; in the chaos, however, Miguel loses Héctor's photo. As the sun rises, Coco's memories are fading; Imelda and Héctor bless Miguel, so that he can return home. After Miguel plays "Remember Me", a song that Héctor wrote for Coco, which Ernesto used as his number one hit, Coco brightens and sings along with Miguel. She reveals that she had saved the torn-off piece of the family photo with Héctor's face on it, and then tells her family stories about her father, thus saving his memory as well as his existence in the Land of the Dead. Miguel's family reconciles with him, ending the ban on music.

One year later, Miguel shows his new baby sister the family ofrenda, which now includes Héctor and a recently deceased Coco. Coco's collected letters from Héctor reveal Ernesto's plagiarism, tarnishing his legacy and allowing Héctor to be rightfully honored in his place. In the Land of the Dead, Héctor and Imelda rekindle their romance and join Coco for a visit to the living, where Miguel performs for his family.

Guide Questions

1. What life lessons can be learned from the movie?

The story showed us that the family is very vital part of the society, so we should be able to learn to respect, give importance to the memories we have with our family because not even death can replace those memories we have.

2. What part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful? Why?

The most powerful part of the story is when after a long journey of miguel, he finds out that ernesto dela cruz his not really his great great grandfather and his real grandfather was the guy that he meet and be friended in the land of the living and the piece "Remember Me" was not truly written by ernesto dela cruz rather it is written by hector his great great grandfather to become a lullaby for his baby coco, and coco is the grandmother of miguel and he calls her "mama coco"

3. Who was your favorite character in the movie? Why?

For me it is miguel for the reason that he did not stop to find his ancestors and bring back the light and happiness inside the family. Also he brings back he families trust towards music.

4. Did anything that happened in the movie remind you of something that has occurred in your own life or that you have seen occur to others.

The thing that strucks me the most is when miguel can still give importance on the things that his great great grandfather left to them and that is the song "remember me", on my part even though I did not see my grandfather through his things and memories that he have with his family I adore him a lot and he will not be forgotten.

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PLOT SUMMARY

In 1985, Queen prepares to take the stage at Bob Geldof's benefit concert Live Aid at Wembley Stadium. Back in 1970, "Freddie" Farrokh Bulsara works as a baggage handler at Heathrow Airport and lives with his parents and sister. Freddie goes to a pub to see the band Smile. Seeking them out after the show, Freddie is attracted to Mary Austin and learns that she works at the boutique Biba. Freddie finds drummer Roger Taylor and guitarist Brian May and learns that their lead singer, Tim Staffell just quit. Freddie offers himself as a replacement and impresses them with his vocal ability.

Freddie goes to Biba, encounters Mary, and they become a couple. With Freddie as the lead singer and new bassist John Deacon, the band plays pub gigs across Britain. Freddie urges them to think bigger and sell their van to finance a record album. As they work in a studio late at night, an A&R rep from EMI asks engineer Roy Thomas Baker for demos.

Freddie changes the band's name to Queen and his name to Freddie Mercury. They sign with John Reid, Elton John's manager, and land a U.S. tour. Paul Prenter, who is attracted to Freddie, manages Queen's daily schedule. An appearance on Top of the Pops gives Queen their first hit, "Killer Queen". Freddie proposes to Mary, but during the band's sold-out U.S. tour, he begins questioning his sexuality.

In 1975, Queen record their fourth album, A Night at the Opera, but quit EMI when executive Ray Foster refuses to release the six-minute song "Bohemian Rhapsody" as the album's lead single. Freddie conspires with radio DJ Kenny Everett to debut the song on his program. Despite mixed reviews, "Bohemian Rhapsody" becomes a global hit. Following a world tour, Freddie begins an affair with Paul and comes out to Mary as bisexual. She counters that he is gay and they break up but remain close friends.

Tensions arise in the band over Paul's influence over Freddie. In 1980, after a lavish party at his home, Freddie is attracted to a server, Jim Hutton, who tells Freddie to find him when he learns self-acceptance. Paul encourages Reid to persuade Freddie to go solo, but when the idea offends Freddie, Paul feigns ignorance and Freddie fires Reid without consulting the band. Despite the increasing strain, Queen continues to produce hits, with "We Will Rock You" and "Another One Bites the Dust", and their lawyer, Jim "Miami" Beach, takes over management. At a press conference for the 1982 album Hot Space, reporters exasperate Freddie with questions about his personal life and sexuality.

Freddie's relationship with the band sours further after the music video for "I Want to Break Free" backfires and he signs a $4 million solo deal with CBS Records. He records his 1984 album Mr. Bad Guy in Munich, engages in drugs and gay orgies with Paul, and starts to realize he's unwell. Mary, now married and pregnant, visits unexpectedly and urges Freddie to return to Queen and participate in Live Aid. Realizing that Paul withheld this news and has been a corrosive influence, Freddie severs ties with him. In retaliation, Paul goes public about Freddie's sexual escapades.

Freddie returns to London to reconcile with the band and persuade them to play at Live Aid at the last minute. With AIDS spreading worldwide, Freddie learns that he is infected. He reveals his condition to the band but brushes off their sympathy, wishing to make music and performing for however long he has left. The band embrace in solidarity. On the day of Live Aid, Freddie reconnects with Jim Hutton, Mary, and his family, and heeds his father's Zoroastrian maxim, "Good thoughts, good words, good deeds". Freddie and the band are in top form at Live Aid, performing "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Radio Ga Ga", "Hammer to Fall" and "We Are the Champions", and helping increase donations during the event.

The film ends with graphics explaining Freddie's death in 1991 at age 45, how the band hosted the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert in his honor, and that Freddie remained friends with Mary and had a loving relationship with Hutton for the remainder of his life.

Guide Questions

1. What life lessons can be learned from the movie?

It showed up that no matter high you go throughout your life if you forgotten where you came from there will be a time for your downfall.

2. What part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful? Why?

By the time when fredy mercury suffered from many circumstances in life but he still manages to live his life to the fullest of time that he have. It all showed up that in nothing is constant in this world except to your family even if you neglect them a lot of times in your life they will still accept you at your lost.

3. Who was your favorite character in the movie? Why?

A. Fredy Mercury why? because despite of the hardships in life he still manage to live it to the fullest he still manage to create a music that will depict his life story.

B. His Family they showed that even everything in your life has changed they will still be the one who will stay even at your lost they will never leave your side.

4. Did anything that happened in the movie remind you of something that has occurred in your own life or that you have seen occur to others.

The thing that strucks me the most is when everyone leaves fredy mercury alone and when he realizes that he have gone too far of his life and forgot where he came from he still manage to ask for forgiveness on the things that he have committed to them. Just like me I commit mistakes in my life but I can still manage to ask for forgiveness to the things that I have done.

------------------------------------

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS MATTER OF CHOICES IT IS FOR US TO CHOOSE.

THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY!

GodSpeed Everyone

A Dios•Fin•

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mrssarablack · 4 years

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I’ve been quiet.

I realize this. I’ve become painfully aware of my lack of voice in regards to activism or hot takes on the news. For the duration of June I stuck to activists posts and news, which has never been a thing I’m super vocal about on this page. I just happened to move my content over at either the exact right time to facilitate the shift of content, or the exact wrong time to keep to my regular scheduled programming running. Either way, I’m not sorry. Nor do I expect I’ll be able to keep my mouth (or rather my keyboard) shut long when things feel overwhelmingly outrageous in the real world.

My intent going into the month was to back off a little on the political posts and take back the “safe space” I have here for cultivated fun in what is usually a very chaotic day to day life. I would continue the activism but perhaps less so on here. That’s not to say I wouldn’t actively be doing other things. I’m not yielding my support by any means. I had intended to take this month to mostly focus my support of the BLM community through prioritizing putting my money where my mouth was failing to find words. Shifting from broad political posts about the injustices to instead turning it towards better educating myself, actually getting through the large stack of books I intend to get through, prioritizing purchasing items from black owned businesses where it makes sense to, donating to the charities and organizations that I can. This is the quiet work that is also necessary for good allyship. But then I found myself wrestling with the growing feeling that quiet can lead to appearance that whatever I was presenting in June was instead a performative allyship.

That’s hardly the case at all.

At the end of June I made a joke about trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever July 2020 had in store for us. I was not prepared.

I met the reality of July 2020 four days later, like so many of us, and I was not even close to prepared for what was coming and I froze in the wake of it. I was not prepared to watch snippets of the Orange Man’s speech at Rushmore. The speech, that without even dicing his words was a hate speech. It was a proclamation, of sorts, against the citizens who were, and are still are, actively protesting for the BLM movement throughout the country. It was a formal declaration of “us vs them” in a way he has not actually done before. The intent is always there, his supporters will forever deny it, but it is. His own history shows he has always been a racist. That this man cares more for tributes, than the people he is meant to govern. Meanwhile, Native protesters were yelled at, by Trump supporters, to “go back to where they came from.” In the wake of this speech and the juxtaposition of it being given on stolen lands while the people who see them as sacred were accosted... I found very little to be proud of on July 4th.

By the time I processed that moment, we had sped straight into ICE declaring that they would not extend the rule allowing foreign students to continue their education here because of the mandate against online learning. This rule makes sense, if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic. But we are.

Everything about this decision was cruel and xenophobic. It didn’t make sense economically, considering how much money Universities get in tuition from their foreign students. It didn’t make sense logistically, when so many students wouldn’t be able to get back home. Our immigration centers are already a fucking mess, but that’s a deep dive for another time. All it was, was an attempt to strong arm schools into accepting the administration's stance that Covid-19 is fully under control and that everything should go back to normal. It is the same reason they are threatening to cut funding for public educational institutions if they do not open completely in the fall. Yeah, kids at school is a far more ideal scenario than online classes, but not at the risk of their or their teachers' lives. The schools see that. The administration doesn’t. They don’t care. They simply want to force their narrative in whatever way they can.

Upon a lawsuit, they walked back their proclamation of denying foreign students their education but, from what I have seen, there are still a lot of things up in the air. From accounts I’ve read on reddit the administration may choose to apply the former ruling to first year students who may have invested in a future they now won’t get. They may deny foreigners the right to apply to after graduation work programs that formerly they were allowed to be in provided they had the right visas. If they did this they will claim it is to provide american’s the best chance at new work first. America first is ringing through this whole thing, and millions are left wondering how this is all going to actually pan out.

Let me reiterate now the fact that we are still in the middle of a pandemic. This is a fact. A fact that the administration wants to deny till every last one of us has encountered this illness personally. The Orange Man is actively swatting Fauci away like he is nothing more than an annoying fly. He doesn’t like the “doom and gloom” truth of this virus so he denies it. He is actively pushing to block new money for further testing and tracing for the CDC because he doesn’t “like the numbers”. The CDC no longer has control of collecting patient data to help track covid-19. Something that has been used so that people in authoritative positions can make adequate decisions in regards to the virus. Less information will lead to more spread. Florida is now the new epicenter and the sunbelt, as a whole, looks bad. Things are not good and we’re still fighting with fellow citizens who don’t want to wear a mask. A simple act to help protect others is a political stance. I don’t understand it, and I’m not going to pretend or even try to. It’s not a hoax. The virus is real and it is deadly. Even those that recover from it have had lasting damage to their lungs among other side effects.

But I digress, instead I will now get to the reason that brought me to this very long political monologue: in Portland, Federal agents fired tear gas on protesters after declaring it a riot. This is not the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last. Allegedly, these federal agents are part of the customs and border protection agency, and they also took protesters up into unmarked vans and detained them. Citizens who are executing their right to protest were kidnapped by federal agents. Think about that. This is why the declaration of ANTIFA being a terrorist group was a bad omen. They are not a membership based organization, they don’t have meetings, they just kind of are... and that fact alone can be exploited. Anyone can potentially be dubbed ANTIFA if a federal agent deems them acting radically in the eyes of this administration.

This is the roots of fascism in America. It is masquerading as nationalism and to some degree that's legitimate but the effects of those beliefs are becoming a thin facade for the other.

It’s almost undeniable at this point. This is the reason I started with the beginning of this month because between the hate speech, the stances that support racism, the xenophobic decisions, the active statement that there is no problem with the virus, and now kidnapping citizens are all part of a fascist playbook. Speaking out against a dictatorship is a death sentence. But a dictatorship is anti-American. If you believe in the idyllic America we were taught exists. I am not sure that America has ever fully existed.... but maybe somewhere she does, but, oh, is she flawed… but that’s okay because admitting to those flaws can lead to growth. Owning all of our past will lead to growth. But denial, denial leads us down a path to losing ourselves.

My boyfriend is right, I’m a fighter. I will get up and I will fight even if there are tears in my eyes. But that doesn’t mean I am not tired. I find myself so heartbroken over the events of the last two months that I fail to have words to express the effect of keeping my eyes open to the world actually has on me. One thing I have figured out is despite what the president says, I don’t hate my country. I am part of the left, yes, but I love it. I can say that because I wouldn’t be so upset about all that is going on if I didn’t. I realize there are fellow citizens who wholeheartedly disagree with me, and they would also claim they love the country, but to me their fear of change says more about them than they realize. They don’t want to accept ugly truths and grow. It’s an oversimplification but here we are. Everything is so polarized. We are divided. I’ve said this before but I’m not sure something isn’t going to break spectacularly before November, during, or shortly after. Regardless, a new normal is being forged and I do not accept it. I will not accept it. I will fight it, and I hope whoever takes the time to read this ridiculously long post will too.

#politics #activism #july 2020 #trump #blm #protests #portland #ice #4th of july #democracy #hot take news #fascism #autocracy #democracy failing

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go-our-own-ways · 4 years

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My mind keeps ruminating on the friend who hasn’t spoken to me since May. I can’t help but worry that she’s passive aggressively shunning me because it lines up too conveniently with BLM, and I know she feels touchy about the whole ordeal about police-related matters since she’s one too. But finally after I was done with my work day, I just gave up for the day...and plugged in my ipod and listened to Taku’s Otodoke Kareshi -More Love- lol... I just needed something to cheer me up a little and to drown out the noise in my head.

I had originally planned on getting some paperwork done since my last client had cancelled, giving me a little extra time to work with, but I just couldn’t focus. I was too sad, depressed, angry, confused... I’ve been this way for well over a week now, really. Thankfully it’s subsided somewhat to just a dull throbbing pain, but it’s very much there, and I very much wish it would go away.

I hope I can find it within myself to just let go... to admit that I was probably wrong for retweeting all those things that made me seem anti-police to her, that made it seem to her as if I hated her, despite all my message I’ve sent her to check in on her, despite the care package I sent her... To admit that it was yet again my fault for ruining a friendship...

It’s hard. It’s really, really hard. But in the end, it’s always my fault. I just have to come to terms with that, I guess.

I know I’m enough and that I’m a good person, but I can’t deny the fact that I fuck up. A lot. All the friendships that I have had to sadly let go of, or were abandoned from, were because I fucked up in some way or another.

Maybe one day I’ll finally stop messing up with my friends.

I guess for now, all I can do is try to learn and heal and move on...

But I don’t really know what the lesson is here. That I shouldn’t retweet anything on twitter that might offend my friends? Then what’s the point of even having social media in the first place? Or is it that I should confront friends about their problems with me? But if the friend is even more mentally ill or in a darker space than me such that they are unable to have a proper conversation on the matter, then what’s the point? Is it even worth the risk? Is the lesson actually that maybe there are some people who were never work trying to keep in my life, that maybe this friend was never worth it?

I really don’t know.

I have a strong urge to message her husband and ask to see if she actually hates me now and wants me to apologize. But at the same time, he’s the sort who would confront her about the matter on my behalf, or to nudge her to talk to me, and I don’t want that... that would just cause more drama. Plus, it’s silly... I really could just apologize if I wanted, but since I’m stubborn, I don’t want to. Who is she to judge me for the things I shared on my social media that weren’t even my own words? I hardly ever shared personal thoughts or beliefs on there when BLM exploded. We’ve even talked on the matter in the past; she knows I’m not someone who’s extremist.

To think that someone would passive aggressively shut me out of their life just because I retweeted things that made her believe I don’t respect her or don’t like her anymore just because she’s also a police officer would be so...offensive? Like...did she not hear a word that I said in the last two years? Did she not feel the care I have for her? Did she throw all the trust we built with each other out the window just because of a few goddamn retweets?

It’s honestly ridiculous.

But it hurts. It still hurts so, so much. I already have so few friends in the area; at this point, I wonder why I should even stay sometimes. I stay because family is here, but through this pandemic, no one has kept in touch with each other...so what is the point then.

I really hate this pandemic more and more with each passing day. It feels like everything is falling apart around me, socially speaking. It feels like all of my social bonds are deteriorating, and there’s literally nothing I can do about it because people are unwilling to reciprocate social gestures with me, and I don’t fucking know why. What can I do when even family doesn’t want to keep in touch?!

So, I gotta just let it go. Accept that I’m just gonna have to go it (pretty much) solo. It’s nothing new. I just had an illusion of inclusion and acceptance for too long so I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be stuck with me, myself, and I 24/7.

But...really...I don’t want to do this. I hate the pandemic for bringing all this back to me.

I just want this pandemic to hurry up and end... ):

In the meantime though...I guess I’ll keep on listening to my drama CDs. I think after I finish Otodoke Kareshi -More Love- I’ll start on the 8P stuff I recently got in the mail. They’re a lot longer and most likely a lot less relaxing, but I really have no other time to listen to these things (it’s straight up awkward trying to listen to them in the daytime since I can’t do anything while I’m focusing on trying to understand what’s going on), and I am genuinely wanting to hear these plots and stories...

So... I guess I’ve got my work cut out for me tonight! (:

#the grind 27

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nqobilemkhize · 3 years

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Think outside the box. Why not think like there is no box?

“Community requires us to think outside the box”, stated one of my classmates. “There is no box, the box is there by design. You designed the box to be there”, our lecturer replied. Something I have taken away from my experience on this block is that to thrive in community based Occupational Therapy (OT) one must remove the box because as much as thinking inside the box is limiting, thinking outside and around the box is just as limiting. For me that box is the medical model. The grassroot level engagement that occurs when we engage with communities requires OTs to shy away and not greatly depend on the medical model. This week’s blog post will discuss the role of OT in Primary Health Care (PHC) and share some examples on how media may be used as a tool for health promotion.

At the Alma Ata Declaration on Primary Health Care in 1978, PHC was defined as “essential health care based on practical, scientifically sound and socially acceptable methods and technology, made universally accessible to individuals and families in the community through their full participation and at a cost that the community and the country can afford to maintain at every stage of their development in the spirit of self-reliance and self-determination." PHC has been misconceptualised as only being curative, designed only for poor people, only based in the community and that PHC is cheap. Keleher (2001) stated that PHC requires intersectoral collaboration and multidisciplinary involvement in order for it to be successful. I agree, the Department of Health alone cannot complete all 8 elements of PHC which are Health education on prevailing health problems and the methods of preventing and controlling them; Nutritional promotion including food supply; Supply of adequate safe water and sanitation; Maternal and child health care; Immunization against major infectious diseases; Prevention and control of locally endemic diseases; Appropriate treatment of common diseases and injuries; and Provision of essential drugs (WHO, 1978).

What is the role of OT in PHC? A study by Naidoo, Van Wyk & Joubert (2016) explored how the role of OT in PHC is perceived by healthcare professionals in KZN, South Africa. The study included community healthcare workers, primary healthcare nurses, Department of Health Management and experienced and community service Occupational Therapists (OTs). All participants noted that OT was predominantly curative/rehabilitation-based and individualized, not enough was mentioned about health promotion and prevention initiatives and population-based approaches. The community healthcare workers expressed the need for OTs to involve them in their sessions and provide educational sessions for them due to not being well informed and therefore being unable to adequately assist the community especially people with disabilities. Another recommendation by the community healthcare workers was for OTs to center their services around the burden of disease in that particular community. During my current experience in a community setting we have not only provided rehabilitation services but we have provided remediation and health promotion services to the community. Health promotion through our talks at the clinic have been community-based and though treatment with individual clients has been client centered and individualized, central to treatment was the individual’s environment. I witnessed that community healthcare workers (referred to as community caregivers in the community in question) did not know what OT is and were happy to hand us the list of community members they were seeing and leave us to it. In order for carryover to occur and be effective when our block has ended, the community caregivers needed to be invited to sessions and work alongside us. I now realize our failure to foster a transdisciplinary approach. A recommendation for the new year may be for the students to host a workshop for the community caregivers where they educate them about OT and its role in PHC.

When individuals of the community are unwell they go to the clinic, PHC is thus the first level of contact in the healthcare system striving to bring health care as close as possible to where people live, it should be responsive to the needs of the community. Let us dissect the role of OT in PHC using the 8 elements of PHC. Health education on prevailing health problems and the methods of preventing and controlling them: this has already been discussed. Just like my group and I, other OTs can conduct health promotion speeches at clinics with particular focus on the most prevalent disease/s in that community. OTs can also provide health education at high schools (time management, stress management, anxiety management and other coping skills to prevent and/or manage mental health problems), old age homes (combat unconstructive use of leisure time and secondary complications of aging), places of safety and primary schools. Immunization against major infectious diseases where the public is urged to immunize will be part of health promotion together with Nutritional promotion and Prevention and control of locally endemic diseases. OT plays a vital role in Maternal and child health care. In South Africa HIV and AIDS, pregnancy and childbirth complications, neonatal illness, childhood illness, and malnutrition were identified as the main factors contributing to maternal and child mortality (Mabaso, Ndaba, & Mkhize-Kwitshana, 2014). A healthy mother equals a healthy child, focusing on the physical and mental well-being of the mother will aid the development of the child. During this block I have learned the importance of also focusing on the mother’s mental health, OT can have support groups for mothers of newborns and mothers of children with disabilities (other groups have been doing this). Helping children meet developmental milestones, preventing malnutrition and aiding the children in scholastic activities constitutes the role of OT in childcare. In PHC particularly in a community setting, OT should use the Community Based Rehabilitation Matrix as a guide to providing evidence-based practice.

A KwaZulu-Natal initiative to “enhance implementation of PHC Re-engineering by shifting the focus from facility-based care to community-based care, through inter-sectoral collaboration” KwaZulu-Natal Department of Health. Primary Health Care Re-engineering in KwaZulu-Natal. October 2012.

How can media be used as a tool for health promotion? “Media is instrumental in bringing behavioural changes in knowledge, beliefs, and attitudes about health and healthy behaviours. The present study takes into account the role of mass media for health education” (Sharma & Gupta, 2017). Print media – posters, flyers and adverts in local newspapers. My group and I used print media as a tool for health promotion when we made posters on mental health, physical health, peadiatric health and geriatric health and stuck them around the clinic. Whenever there are government led mass gatherings in the community, flyers can be made and handed out during those events. Broadcast media – using local radio stations to promote health and well-being with particular focus on those diseases that are prevalent in the community. The community where I am currently doing my fieldwork has a local radio station which is situated on the same premises as the clinic, next years students should take advantage of this to reach the members of the community that do not come to the clinic and get an opportunity to listen to the health promotion talks. The internet – the COVID-19 pandemic has forced us to be creative in finding ways live life amidst the luring pandemic. This is why when we could not provide OT services to the learners at the local high school due to the learners having a jampacked timetable, a unique idea to make short videos to send to the learners via their school WhatsApp chat was formulated. Sending videos means that the learners will always have something to refer to in times of need. Due to many people using some sort of social media platform, going forward using the internet (keeping data costs in mind) can be the next best option in providing health promotion.

Many people are unaware of Occupational Therapy, health professionals included. What can us OTs do about that? How can we make our much needed and unique profession know? I have realized that it starts at the Primary Health Care level, when we are known at grassroot level the only way from there is up. Perhaps as a profession we need to remove the box that we think is limiting us.

The journey continues

#Growing #Learning #FledgingOT

KwaZulu-Natal Department of Health. Primary Health Care Re-engineering in KwaZulu-Natal. October 2012.

Keleher H: Why primary health care offers a more comprehensive approach for tackling health inequities than primary care. Aust J Prim Health. 2001, 7 (2): 57-61. 10.1071/PY01035.

Mabaso, M. H., Ndaba, T., & Mkhize-Kwitshana, Z. L. (2014). Overview of Maternal, Neonatal and Child Deaths in South Africa: Challenges, Opportunities, Progress and Future Prospects. International journal of MCH and AIDS, 2(2), 182–189.

Sharma S, Gupta Y. Mass media for health education (astudy in the state of Rajasthan).Multidiscip Int J2017;01:26–39

Van Weel C, De Maeseneer J: Now more than ever: World Health Assembly revisits primary health care. Prim Health Care Res Devel. 2010, 11: 1-3.

World Health Organization. Primary health care: report of the international conference on primary health care, Alma-Ata, USSR. Geneva: World Health Organization; 1978.

WHO. World Health Report (2008). Primary Health Care – Now more than ever

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almondemotion · 4 years

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I have been writing about advance care plans for a while.

Not necessarily ‘before they were fashionable’ – trend setting has never been my thing, yet, suffice it to say, for a while. (See here from 2017).

We held another of our Covid Conversations on Thursday.

Essentially, it was me, a GP colleague Sara, Colin and Penny from our dementia, frailty and older peoples’ mental health (Yorkshire & Humber) network with others from health, social care and the voluntary sector, discussing, advance care plans (ACP) during the time of Covid.

There is much to be said about all of this, starting with, for example, the ill-fated GPs who thought it an idea at the start of Covid to write such plans on behalf of all of their care home residents, a sort of blanket order to keep them out of hospital.

This was met with outrage from many as it was perceived as old-school medical paternalism, and essentially, one person determining the fate of others without their involvement.

We reiterated our position that this was not where we are coming-from; instead, we began a conversation about what ACPs are (and I guess, are not) – I’ll come to that shortly.

If you haven’t encountered my previous discussions, in essence, ACPs are documents compiled either with the patient (person/resident/client) and a health or social care professional, in which the individual’s preferences are recorded for, in the event of an untoward future development – this is, usually when things go wrong – the patient for example, (let’s stick with the clinical model) becomes incapacitated;

There is no set-format as to the content or structure of an ACP and I have taken it one way, others have proceeded down a different route.

I won’t spend too much time discussing what others are doing, although, indeed, the content and, let’s say, utility of the document is important.

I am still unsure whether people (those who are unfamiliar) have a grasp of where I am heading, for illustrative purposes, see below to the document I have been using.

And, below that, another document called ‘respect’ which is an NHS acronym that stands for ‘Recommended Summary Plan for Emergency Care and Treatment’.

I am not trying to make a stance for which document is better – there are others out there, more, and apologies for the delay in getting to the point, I want to be clear about the purpose of my document.

What is it for?

Well, in many instances, it is important for people to know the details of your next of kin, your preferences for burial or cremation, likes or dislikes of various forms of belief; yet, this is very important. Indeed, there is a whole collective which relates to the concept of ‘What Matters To You’ – aka WMTY – that is, your preferences.

Again, this is a big area, and one I have covered before – see here.

I am quite blunt about the purpose of my document, really, who it is for and when it should be used.

I guess you would call me biased.

It is, essentially, to help people stay out of hospital if that is their preference. More specifically, for those who have a high risk of deterioration and for whom in the past, the best and worst of hospital care has been proven to be ineffective if not harmful, the option to stay away is right.

Covid has made all of this more relevant, given the numbers of people who have gone to hospital with one condition e.g. a fall, urine infection and left having recovered from the fall but acquired Covid.

These are not necessarily large numbers of people, although, during the height of the pandemic (unsure whether the height has passed or yet to come as of late June 2020), the fear/dread of hospitalisation was even more powerful.

Sure, admission to hospital, in certain conditions can be great. It can be life-saving, and life-changing, often for the better – the easiest example being, particularly in older people – those who fall and break their hip or neck of femur; without hospital admission most will never walk again or retain any form of independent living and majority will die as a result (often from pneumonia associated with immobility).

Over the years Orthopaedic surgeons have perfected the procedure to repair and replace broken hips and it is mostly performed with a minimum of complication.

Voila.

From broken hip to fix in a week or two.

Please note, for the record, I don’t often praise Orthopods – this is a situation where they are great.

And yet, most older people, particularly those with either advanced frailty or dementia who are admitted to hospital don’t break their hips; they have a deterioration in mobility or worsening of confusion, possibly related to infection, at other times because of an arrival at various tipping-points.

In these situations, there is little an acute hospital can offer than cannot be provided differently in the community; GPs, district nurses, therapists and others can rally-round an individual and working collaboratively with social or domiciliary care overcome the incident, reverse the point of crisis and allow recovery.

Treatment and recovery in a patient’s own home tends to be quicker, preferred (by the patient), cheaper and more effective than admission to hospital and movement around hospital wards, interferences by multiple doctors, nurses and others, unnecessary and at times in appropriate treatments and investigations.

If this narrative has held together, my point is, we can offer just as good, if not better care, treatment and support for particularly older people in their own homes than is available through high-tech medical interventions.

You don’t need multiple blood tests or an MRI to support someone through a crisis at home; time, caring, compassion and being there is often enough.

And, where is all of this in relation to ACP?

Well, if you recall, at the start of this blog I mentioned our Conversation;

I went into this really thinking I knew what I was talking about (always dangerous) with the belief that my document (Minnie-mouse above) was what was needed.

I still think this and want it to be rolled-out more widely for those people, particularly care home residents or those with significant frailty living at home, yet, it became apparent that others, and some of them even had the word ‘ACP’ in their job title saw the document differently, proposing that it is focused far more widely – including those who are otherwise hale and hearty; more like an organ donor card than a do not attempt resuscitation document.

I do get this although my understanding of the system would suggest that if you want to have an effect, you need to focus your energy. That is, provide treatments or interventions to those most likely to benefit.

An example being those who fall.

It is generally accepted that on average people over the age of 70 will fall at least once a year.

Everyone will agree that falling is a bad thing and we should do all we can to reduce its likelihood.

There are different ways to reduce falling, for example, making sure your heels aren’t too high or rickety, ensuring the surface you walk on is even and the lighting adequate.

None of these are ‘care’ and don’t require investment from H&SC (beyond perhaps sorting uneven paving stones).

These interventions, if you want to call them that, may reduce falls on an individual basis, although there are many other factors involved.

Yet, on a population level i.e. of the 10 million people at risk of falling in the UK, the number who won’t break their hips as a consequence, the percentage (relative risk) reduction is quite small.

If however, you find those who are at highest risk of falling – over 85, five or more prescribed medicines, history of stroke, diabetes, dementia, arthritis and so on and, you further stratify by stating, those who have either broken a hip in the past or who have fallen in the past six months – those people are at very high risk.

Wearing pumps will help, but more needs to be done – multifactorial risk assessment and reduction programmes.

Sure, you fix the lighting; you also sort the drugs that make someone unsteady, you consider networks of activity and support, nutrition, hydration, continence and a host of other factors.

This is all time consuming and expensive; it does however significantly reduce the risk of a person who is already at high risk of falling, falling again and of course, breaking something with all that entails.

It is however my point.

My document is intended to focus on those at highest risk of unnecessary hospital admission and empower them and their families or carers; the other ACP document – more broader preferences for example are important, but likely to have little impact at three in the morning when a paramedic is deciding whether to take you to hospital (easier and less paperwork) or engage with the entire health and social care system (out of hours) which is likely to keep someone at home but is much more involved and risky (risk, for if the patient deteriorates in their home without adequate safeguards, the paramedic could be blamed, whereas, if the same happens in hospital, either the system is blamed or it is considered to be bad luck.)

And so, which ACP?

Well, I think, after all of this my conclusion is that we need both.

We need to know a patient’s preferences, likes and dislikes, these conversations are important – ideally with the patient when they are still able or adequately capacitated to tell you what they wish, yet, the other documents are also important, to prevent the system going into reflex and packaging an individual down an acute medical or surgical pathway that will provide them little comfort or overall benefit.

And, here too another component of the conversation which is worthwhile considering – the different system approaches to care;

I am what might be best described as a secondary care doctor (despite working half-time in primary care) – I support predominantly those who are sick, often in the last year or months of life; primary or community care doctors however are involved with a much broader spectrum of health and disease.

We need both.

Pretending that our patients are somehow different or our intentions at variance doesn’t serve anyone well.

And, the conversation continues.

I’ll post details of the next-one here;

As a network, we are running an event next month – see below for more details; you will need a computer/tablet/phone to attend.

The Yorkshire & Humber Dementia and OPMH Clinical Network will be running an online event focused on,

“Human Rights, Covid-19 and the new world – a focus on people affected by dementia and frailty” on Wednesday 15th July, 1-4pm.

To register for a place, please book here: https://rightscoviddementia.eventbrite.co.uk

Joining details and an agenda will be circulated to registered attendees in due course.

Thursday morning. Not another blog about advance care planning! I have been writing about advance care plans for a while. Not necessarily ‘before they were fashionable’ – trend setting has never been my thing, yet, suffice it to say, for a while.

#ACP #admission avoidance #advance care plan #Covid #DNACPR #falls #Human rights #Respect #Yorkshire and Humber Clinical Network

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herokita · 4 years

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