#i bet if i found her tiktok now i’d find one of those i look mean now but she was evil videos

[floweyyyyyy]

autistic culture is not realizing you were bullied in elementary school until now

[avawithflava]

talking about books i’ve read in 2022 (january)

i’m writing this in order to keep myself accountable. i enjoy sharing the books i’ve read and i hope that this will help me with that. i hit my goal of 50 books in 2022 in early april and have only read 7 books since then, so i’ve hit a little bit of a wall. hopefully this will encourage me to read more in the coming months. 

january

1. The Hating Game - Sally Thorne (jan 1 -  jan 1)

I read this in one day because i wanted to start 2022 off right. I had also just gotten the book a few days prior to reading it so i was very excited. I was also looking forward to watching the movie because i LOVE lucy hale, and i have ever since i started watching pretty little liars. after reading this book i gave it 4.5 stars, but in retrospect, i don’t think that’s actually what it is. maybe 4 stars or a 3.75 if we want to get more specific. There were definitely other books that I enjoyed more that I gave lower star counts. i’ll be more specific regarding it later when those books show up later.

2-6. The Mindf*ck Series - ST Abby (jan 5 - jan 6)

this is the first of a very common occurrence where i see books that sound interesting on my tiktok for you page then i rush to kindle unlimited and read them without looking into them at all. however, if you choose to pick up this series based on this tumblr post, i beg you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE look at the TW’s of this book. our main character, lana, has TONS of traumatic things happen to her, and it’s honestly all very graphic. the website storygraph is a fantastic site that has a ton of content warnings for most books. i’m not one to get triggered by the stories i read, but this did make my stomach hurt a little while reading and even now, almost seven months later, my stomach is twisting as i think about the things that happen in this book. the way this book was advertised to me was a serial killer starts a relationship and falls in love with the man who is leading the case to find her. I gave this series ratings from 3.5-4 stars. the first three stories received 3.5 stars and the last two received 4 stars. i read these books so quickly because not only are they ~100 pages but they had the best cliffhangers i’ve read in my ENTIRE life. I would finish one and immediately pick up the next book because i needed to read it. another tip: don’t read at night. anyway, if you pick this up, at least take a GLANCE at the TW’s. stay safe people.

7. She Drives Me Crazy - Kelly Quindlen ( jan 8 - jan 8)

this is a sapphic romance about our main characters scottie and irene who play basketball and do cheerleading, respectively. after a game one night, one of them back into the other, their mothers come up with the great idea that they should carpool to school. oh and did i mention that they’re self proclaimed enemies? scottie eventually realizes that she can make her ex jealous if she pretends to date irene, thus fake dating ensues. i bet you can guess the rest. i enjoyed this book thoroughly, i found scottie to be relatable for reasons that are spoiler-ish. i gave this a 4.5 stars and i think that’s still pretty accurate. i had an enjoyable reading experience, and if anything were to happen with this book, ie. a sequel or a movie. i’d enjoy those things too. plus i love a redhead main character because i… love redheads?

8. Playing the Palace - Paul Rudnick (jan 3 - jan 13)

i honestly cannot tell you want this book is about or even our main character’s names. the only reasons that i picked up this book is because i saw it at target a while back and was obsessed with the watercolorish portraits of our main characters AND during new years i watched young royals with THREW me into a royalty fascination and i absorbed any and all media involving royalty. INCLUDING writing my own novel regarding royalty that i wrote in almost a month WHILE having rehearsals for my school’s musicals four days a week afterschool. however, at the time of reading i gave this book a 3.5 stars but it’s honestly a lot lower than that, probably. harsh but the truth, I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE CHARACTERS??? oopie daisie.

DNF 1. The Road Trip - Beth O’Leary (jan 17)

this was the first book i started during a 24 hour readathon i did. and it was not my thing. i’m not a fan of second chance romances and this was the most second chance romance i’ve ever tried to read. i’m sure if that is your type of story than you’ll probably like this story. I like beth’s writing style, at least i did back in march of 2020 when i read The Flatshare by her. anyway, i had things to do and books to read, which resulted in me dnfing this book.

9. Perfect on Paper - Sophie Gonzales (jan 17 - jan 17)

this is the 1st of three full books that i read during my 24 hour readathon. this book had incredible bi representation and i think that’s very important. bi people are still bi even if they end up with a person of the opposite gender. very very important. after reading this book i gave it 4 stars, BUT this is one of books mentioned earlier that i liked more than The Hating Game but rated lower. it’s probably closer to 4.5 or 4.75 if we’re getting more specific. I really enjoyed this book, the plot was interesting. I don’t really remember ALL of the details, but i remember the main points. 

10. Never Kiss Your Roommate - Philline Harms (jan 17 - jan 17)

second book that i read during my readathon! i loved this book. i love sapphic characters and i love the boarding school setting. i would never want to go to a boarding school but like the having a roommate and then falling in love with them aesthetic? uh yeah sign me up. if you have any recommendations about book where two roommates falling, please let me know. i will take them. I loved the characters and i loved the plot. there’s this stigma against wattpad books and it is NOT welcome here. i’ve been on wattpad for… probably too many years. and i’ve written many stories, many of them not going that far. I know how hard it is to have a successful story on that site and to have one be so well liked that wattpad chooses to publish it. ESPECIALLY when the characters are original and people are less likely to find it while searching for a certain ship that they like. I have a respect for Philline and every other author who originated on wattpad. this book is a five stars, without a doubt in my mind. 5 stars for NKYR.

11. Heartstopper - Alice Oseman (jan 17 - jan 17)

the final book that i read during my readathon. i love alice, i think everyone does at this point, especially after the release of the show. this was my third (recorded) reread of the graphic novels. i read all the novels but i told myself if i read any manga or graphic novels i would only count the first one towards my reading goal. i read these back frequently. this is my biggest comfort series and i find so much comfort reading about the pure and real love between nick and charlie. 5 stars forever and always.

12. Go Ask Alice - Beatrice Sparks (jan 29 - jan 29)

I don’t know what actually possessed me to read this. i learned about it in a paperbackdreams video (i went to look for it so that i could link it, but it seems that the video has been privated/unlisted.) she was doing a week long reading challenge and one of the prompts was to read and watch a book and it’s movie adaptation. i heard about it then and i guess i just picked it up one day. once again read TW’s for this book. it’s told via Alice’s diary entries and it’s sick, all the things that happened to her. i’m pretty sure that it book is supposed to be religious propaganda? i think that’s a little clear in the way that this was written. i gave this 2 stars. it was a quick read and i didn’t hate it. it just made me sad and made me feel meh.

13. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald (jan 12 - jan 31)

i’ve read this twice this year but i am only counting the first time i read it. i knew that i was going to have to read it for my english class and reading stuff for school automatically makes me not want to read it so i was being proactive. i gave it 2 stars on my first read. i was just like, who cares?? blah blah blah rich white people with their first world problems. but then when i reread in april, i picked up on so many more things than i originally did. i think it got upped to a 3 with the reread. picking up on more of the details in books really makes them more enjoyable… who knew?

and those are all the books i read in january! as we go on, the months will combine as i read less. i don’t think anybody really cares, but i just did this to get my mind off of things. i’m grieving a loss and i don’t really have anybody who’ll understand because the one person who might is away for the time being. so i more just did this for me. thank you for indulging me and reading if you did. if you want to keep up to date with what i’m reading at the moment, feel free to add me on goodreads, i always accept friend requests! :)

[darling-i-read-it]

Peace

Karl Heisenberg x reader, Ethan Winters and the other Lords x platonic!reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR RE8!!, insinuations to smut, talks about having children

Author’s Note: this is so wacky and i just now finished it. Its just for fun and an excuse to write domestic resident evil 8 characters. I had a blast doing it. Also it was loosely influenced by @/nerdymixedpan on tiktok who makes this kind of AU stuff! Highly recommend their tiktoks

Summary: An AU where Ethan didn’t kill any of the Lords and was convinced to stay, leave Mia (the crazy chick who tried to kill him and also worked for a sketchy company prior to that) and raise Rose with the Lords and the reader.

Genre: fluff

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

You were walking around Dimitrescu castle, as you often did. You hopped between places when you could. You always went to sleep at the Heisenberg factory but you did get along well with the other Lords and liked to pay them a visit when you could.

It was actually Cassandra who asked for your presence. You had heard of course that the village was being attacked but you didn’t mind too much about that at the moment. Cassandra wanted you over at the castle, to try and talk some sense into Ethan Winters.

You had heard of Ethan at that point, of course. Everyone had. The father of the infamous Rose. But you didn’t think you would get to meet him.

So you came over there and knocked on Alcinas bedroom door. She swung it open, gazing down at you. She was no longer surprised when she came over and usually was quite pleased to have someone to talk to. Rarely did she speak to people outside her daughters and Mother Miranda and she had a responsibility to those people. She didn’t have a responsibility to you.

“What brings you along here? We’re a bit busy. I assume you’ve heard Ethan WInters has escaped Heisenbergs grasp.” You let out a huff of air and nodded.

“Yes, he was not pleased when he came back home. Cassandra called, said I should try and talk to him.”

“Cassandra wants him murdered.”

“Maybe she has some sympathy because of the baby,” you suggested. You gestured to the large castle. “Any idea where I can find him?” She shook her head, exasperated.

“If I had any idea, don’t you think I would have gone to find him already?” You nodded stiffly.

“I will look for him myself then. If you find a short person not in robes, double check to make sure it’s not me before you claw them,” you told her. She gave you a small smirk before you turned around and started back down the stairs.

You had free reign of the castle and had learned its insides and outs at this point. On occasion the girls asked you to stay over and hang out for a little while longer so you had slept there as well.

You started to check a couple of the rooms, walking around haphazardly. It was when you came to a room on the main floor that you found the Duke. He sat there and raised his eyebrows at the sight of you.

“You aren’t Ethan Winters,” he said.

“Ah so you’ve seen him. Care to point me in the right direction?” Duke shrugged a bit.

“He’ll be here eventually if you care to wait.” You let out a sigh. You could go searching but it was a sure bet that he will return to this spot. You pulled up a chair from the table there.

“Alright then. You selling any good food?”

=====

Ethan came running into the room as you were enjoying a nice dish. You stood up quickly, putting your dish down on the table. He had his gun up but dropped it at the sight of you.

“Are you a villager? Do you need help getting out?” he asked, clearly out of breath. You scoffed and shook your head.

“No, no. I’m here to talk to you Ethan.” He was still clearly frazzled. You grabbed your dish and held it up to him. “Care for some food?” you asked, hopefully as a peacemaker. He looked between you and the food and saw that you at least looked human.

He put his gun in his holster and took the food from you.

“Alright. What do you want to talk to me about?” he asked, sitting down at the table. “Who are you anyway?”

“This is Karl Heisenberg's pet,” said the Duke. You scoffed.

“Shush up, you’re not helping.” You sat beside Ethan. “Ethan, I know where Rose is.”

“You know where Rose is?! Where is she?!”

“Shush, let me finish.” You cleared your throat. “This whole thing, all of it, is about Mother Miranda. She took the place of Mia to try and take Rose away. She believes Rose will be a good vessel. Ethan, Lady Dimitrescu, Karl, none of the Lords are your enemy. It’s just Mother Miranda.”

“Well it looks like everyone is trying to kill me.” You shook your head.

“If you helped them kill Mother Miranda, they will let you keep Rose. In fact, I have it on good authority that most of them would love to help take care of her.” Ethan stared at you for a minute and leaned back. He had some food on his chin. You handed him a napkin and he took it gratefully. “And Ethan...Mia told Mother Miranda that you...you’re not exactly human.”

His eyes went wide.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re mold Ethan.” He was silent for a very long time. Everything raced through his head. Why would he want to stay here? Granted the castle was nice...and these people did know how to save Rose...it would protect him from anything else Chris had planned that he didn’t know about.

And apparently, Mia had been keeping this secret for God knows how long.

It all seemed like too much for him.

“Take a second to take that in. I don’t want to rush you but I have to talk to the daughters about it.”

“You swear they’ll help me with Rose?”

“No one wants her to die, Ethan. We want Mother Miranda gone.” He leaned back in his chair.

“Why should I trust you?”

“I’m human. I’m not mold, I’m not an experiment. Just human. If I could live a happy life here, why can’t you and Rose?”

That made sense. If anything made sense, that did. Ethan took a deep breath.

“Fine. What do you need me to do?”

======

Some Time After The Death of Mother Miranda

“Have you seen Rose? She’s getting bigger everyday.” Karl was speaking when he walked into your room. You were sitting on the bed, flipping through a book. You looked up at him, a teasing smile on your face.

“What, now that you’ve killed Mother Miranda you’ve moved on to caring about the village baby?” you questioned, putting your hand in your palm. He gave you a look but you ignored him.

“You act as though you don’t want a baby every time you see her,” he commented. You scoffed.

“And it always ends up being pretty pleasurable for you doesn’t it?” You grabbed his hand and pushed him down on the bed so that he was sitting on the edge. You wrapped your arms around him from behind.

“You’re damn right.” He brought your hand up to kiss it. “Ethan’s going to Moreaus today, to swim around with Rose. He invited you,” Karl said. You raised an eyebrow.

“Did he invite me or do you want a nice night again?” He kissed your hand again and then kissed your wrist.

“You won’t know until you get there.”

“Fair point my love, fair point.” You kissed his cheek and got up. “I have lunch with Donna but I’ll try and catch up with Ethan afterwards. I may make it, I may not.” You slid off the bed. “Guess you’ll just have to wait to find out.”

He wanted to get up and drag you back but you were already walking out the door.

====

Ethan was by the water, holding Rose in his lap. She was truly getting bigger every day. Moreau was standing beside them, dry now. Ethan’s hair was damp. They must have just gotten done swimming.

“Good of you to join us,” Ethan said as you walked over.

“Salvatore, Ethan…” You leaned over Ethan to look Rose in the eyes. “Little Rosey. How was swimming you guys? Sorry it took so long, I was with Donna and lunch went overtime.” You sat down beside them.

“Rose was perfect,” Moreau said. “She’s a quick learner!” You nodded, looking over at her. You brought your finger up to her and she latched onto it.

“I believe it,” you said. Ethan locked eyes with you.

“I wanted you to come because I heard that Chris was trying to get into the factory.” You raised an eyebrow. You wrapped your arms around your knees and leaned against them.

“He’s still trying to get in here? I thought once Miranda was killed he would leave us alone.” Ethan shook his head.

“Apparently he wants Rose because she’s an asset now,” he muttered but he was looking down at his daughter who was reaching up to his face. He sighed. “She’s getting hungry.”

“You should probably take her back to the castle then.” That was where Ethan usually slept with her. He figured it would be easiest to keep Rose safe with four vampires around at all time that adored her.

“Yes my sister will be wondering where you are,” Moreau said. You nodded in agreement.

“I’ll tell Karl about Chris although I don’t think he’ll get past the Lycans. Then he has to worry about the machines that Karl makes and those are a hassle too. Not the brightest, but a hassle,” you admitted, standing. “I’ll walk you back.” Ethan nodded. You turned to Moreau. “I’ll see you later as well. Try to catch up on the TV show we were watching, I don’t wanna miss anything.”

“I will, of course!” he exclaimed. You smiled and then turned back to walk with Ethan and Rose back up to the Castle. You got into the boat.

“Can you hold her while I steer?” Ethan asked. You nodded and took Rose from him, cradling her in your arms. She was looking around, ever the well behaved child. Ethan started the boat and then you were off.

There was a few minutes of silence as he started to catch his bearings and you played with Rose. You and Ethan had grown close over the weeks he had lived there. He rarely knew peace and didn’t trust it that much but you always assured him that it would be alright.

“I was thinking of maybe starting to rebuild the village,” you said, looking up at him. He raised an eyebrow.

“By yourself?” You scoffed.

“No, obviously not. I’d get the help of everyone. Donna and Angie already wanna pitch in and I figure I could guilt trip Karl into helping, with his whole telepathy thing. I think it could be a fun project. Plus if you accidentally lose a hand you can put it right back on.”

He nudged you, laughing.

“I don’t think it’s a bad plan but who will live there?”

“Us maybe. Separate housing of course but it could be a home away from the Lords. And any villagers left stragglers around.”

“I don’t think there are any left,” he told you.

“Well have you checked?” He was silent. “Exactly. Rose may want a place for herself one day, who knows.” You looked back down at her. She was reaching up to play with your ear.

“She’ll need friends her own age one day,” he said, solemnly.

“We’ll see to that when it comes.” He looked back at you.

“Have you and Heisenberg ever talked about kids?” he teased. You laughed.

“We have our hands full with Rose and the thousands of metal children he makes on the daily,” you admitted. You glanced down at Rose again. “But maybe one day. He seems to be hinting at it and I don’t know...maybe it’s not such a bad idea.”

Ethan glanced back at you and then quickly looked away. You looked happy, curious, wondering.

“If it’s any help...I’m glad I had her. Even if she got me into this whole mess,” he said laughing a bit. You smiled up at him as he pulled into the dock.

“You want a little Heisenberg running around?” Ethan scoffed.

“I wouldn’t mind a little you. Rose could have a friend.” He got out of the boat and you handed him Rose. You got out as well.

“We’ll see. Karl may be banking on it.” You both started to walk back into town. At the castle entrance you had to part.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, if your legs still work.” You gasped, shoving him.

“You have a mouth on you Ethan Winters for living in a house with four other grown women,” you said. He laughed and went into the gate without saying anything else.

The walk back to the factory was a pleasant one. The sun was setting and the breeze was nice. Not too hot, not too cold.

You made it back to Karl in record timing. He wasn’t in the room so you went looking for him. He was in one of the work rooms, leaning over one of his new inventions. You walked up behind him and leaned over the head of the machinery.

“Hey there kitten! Back up, it might come alive at any second,” he muttered, moving you back. You nodded, stepping away from the table. He turned off his recording and turned around to look at you.

“Well how was swimming with Moreau?”

“And Rose and Ethan. I caught the tail end. She had fun though. You’re right, she is growing everyday.”

“I take it by you referencing our earlier conversation you remember how it ended.”

“I’m not doing it if this machine will come alive half way through and kill us.” Karl scoffed and took your hand.

“Up to the bedroom it is kitten!” You scoffed but let him drag you along, giggling the whole way up.

[monsterenergysimp]

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader 

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you 

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.  

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

    shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

    i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

    NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats  super cool actually

    i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and       youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

    [link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

     No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

     I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?  

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

[uhgoodmoni]

Valentine Schmalentine | JJK

Summary: Jungkook and his best friend thought that the best way to spend valentines was with each other! What a better way to spend the sometimes dreaded holiday by making fun of it with your bestie! Their ‘anti date’ is more of a date than they think it is.

pairing: jungkook x female oc (for those who hate y/n :D )

warnings: - This is all fluff - teeny bit of angst - gets a little heated but I promise it’s just fluff

links: Ao3  wattpad

—

I giggle at the little presentation in front of me. Wow! I did good. Jungkook will wish that he’d get a girlfriend as good as me. I’ve prepared a disgustingly beautiful spread of treats and gifts for him. There’s no way I didn’t one-up him. He made the mistake of letting me host. 

I decorated, the pink ribbons swirling down from the high ceiling. I baked, which I’m sure he’ll be expecting, but I’ve really outdone myself this time. Heart-shaped cookies, decorated with colorful sprinkles and pink frostings. Muffins with little paper hearts stuck in them. Of course, how could I forget chocolate covered strawberries. On the left of the counter was a shrine of gifts. A teddy bear. A card is written with absolute bullshit but a token of our friendship as well. Some chocolate boxes and I had found this cheesy snow globe that you can put pictures in. So I put myself in it of course. Bet he’ll love seeing that. And one gift that I am actually excited to give to him, is matching bracelets with little rabbits on them. Maybe I did a little bit too much. After all, this is supposed to be a joke. 

His job is to bring dinner, so there is no way he can beat this. Not that it’s a competition, but it kind of is. 

‘are you almost here?’ I type into our chat. 

‘otw’

I roll my eyes, going to unlock my door, ‘being late to your valentines date isn’t very impressive’

He doesn’t respond, and I double-check the positions of the cakes on the counter. It has to seem overly perfect, like some white mom on TikTok put on the display. I smile, looking over my creations one more time, as I hear the knock on the door. 

He normally comes right in, but maybe he’s putting on some charade for the night. I hop right over, pulling it open to reveal many, many bags.

“Oh, my gosh,” I look around, trying to find his face in all of the stuff. “What’s all this?” 

His figure shuffles in, and I close the door. “Oh, only the best for my darling.” He hums, and I almost snort. So he is acting?

There are a few bags, some with the label for a fancy new restaurant that was down the road. Oh? I heard they have incredible seafood. The rest of the bags are pink and frilly. Gift bags. That is one thing I didn’t think to do. Wrap my gifts. He begins to pile them down on the opposite side of the counter, his face now in plain view. 

He’s slicked his hair back, a single strand dangling over his forehead. Quite dashing. Like me, he’s worn his best, a black button-down and dress pants. He grins, seeing me checking him out. Well of course I know he’s hot. I’d be lying if I said I thought he wasn’t attractive. 

“Dea?” He mumbles, arms outstretched for a hug. I huff, trying not to laugh, as this all feels a bit ridiculous. Him dressed up, and me in a black dress, hair curled and makeup done. All we are going to do is watch movies. It’s all… very silly. 

“Happy Valentine’s day!” I lean in to hug him and he squeezes me tight to his chest. It lingers and for a moment I think it’s the longest hug we’ve shared. 

“Happy Valentine’s...” He pulls away halfway, looking me up and down, “You look beautiful”

I blush, feeling the warmth of his hands on my arms “You do too.” I say and he smiles softly, before turning to the counter. I shuffle my feet on the tiles of the floor, “You ready for our fake Valentine’s?” I grin, sliding over to the counter.

“Fake?” His eyes widen in faux surprise. He then chuckles, “So you baked? What else should I have expected?” He takes up one of the cookies in his hand, taking a bite. I grin, already knowing he loves my cookies. With a hum of satisfaction, he finishes the whole thing. 

“I got you like a garlic shrimp noodle dish!” He beams, looking over his take out bags, “So let’s not let our food get cold.” I smile because he knows my favorites. 

“I’ll pour some wine okay.” My hands find my finest bottle, still cheap but what is a college student gonna do? Two glasses find themselves a quarter of the way full. I saw in some movie that it was proper that way.

I hear a groan from Jungkook, making me lift my head, “if I’m gonna be on a date with you I’ll need a lot more liquor than that.” 

“Tch.” I roll my eyes, pushing the bottle away. “We can drink later. Get like... wasted while we watch those god awful movies you mentioned.” With glasses in hand, I walk to my table where Jungkook has already laid out the food with silverware. 

My dish looks incredible. A garlic noodle with shrimp? I practically drool a little as I join him at the table. Jungkook is no different, staring at his meal as though he’d like to swallow it whole. 

“Thanks for dinner.” I hum, twirling my fork into the noodles. I felt a little guilty, wondering what the receipt for this meal looked like. We both had spent money, but as it looked, he has certainly spent more. 

“Of course! Thanks for dessert.” He cuts into his steak, something I expected he would have ordered, and he seems pleased with how it looks. We both dig in, and the majority of our dinner is silent. Too busy enjoying our meals to say anything. It really is delicious, and it’s hard to savor as I chow down. By the time we are both finished, our glasses of wine were long gone. Jungkook was fighting himself on pouring more. Instead, we tossed the take out containers and placed our dishes in the sink.

We stood, arms crossed looking over the desserts. “Well if I’m honest I am too full to eat any of this.” I sigh, feeling the same way. Jungkook made the right decision, eating a cookie before the meal. 

“There’s always later.” With a shrug, I move over to my gifts. “But now you should open your gifts!”

“There’s nothing to open.” He teases, eyeing all the gifts. 

My body slumps in annoyance, “Jeon Jungkook come open them.” He giggles at my irritation, reaching for the teddy bear. 

He holds it close to him, “Okay, okay. Let me name him.” his eyes scan fondly over the stuffed toy. “Mhmh, James.”

“James?” I snicker, and he glares at me. 

“James can hear you mocking him.” He growls, with a smile before setting the bear down. 

“Sure, sure” I nod, encouraging the next gift. 

“Woah, this is so funny,” He only glances at the globe for a moment, immediately grabbing one of his gift bags and handing it to me. “Here open this.” His cheeks raise up, his smile lines deepening as I look on towards the gift. “No way did you get one too?” I reach inside, feeling the smoothness of a round gift. I pull it out. A matching snowglobe. His picture is much less flattering than the one I chose. “Oh my gosh.” I giggle looking at his stupid little face. 

“This is awesome.” He stares into his little globe, for a little bit too long and too softly. He looks up, making eye contact with me. I swallow, and he grins, taking the globe and shaking it violently. 

“Okay, okay,” I pull on his arms, “Open the next thing.”

He obliges, looking through the chocolates, and finally picking up the card. He stares into it, reading it thoroughly and leaving me to awkwardly stand there. It was long. Thanking him for being my friend, the one person I can always count on. 

“It’s cheesy I know.” I glance down, knowing that this wasn’t the point of the night. Now it’s kind of weird. What if he thinks this is some sort of love confession or something? I should have saved all the sappy stuff for another time. 

“I love it.” A small smile forms on his lips, his mood has changed and I can tell. I’ve fucked up one hundred percent. He pulls me into another deep hug. His warmth blanketing over me, and his heart beating. Really. Fast. “Thanks Dea. I love you.” He doesn’t let the hug linger this time. He glances back to his gifts, “I didn’t really get you anything that special, but you’re still the bestest friend I’ve ever had.”

I let out a breath of relief, letting him pick out the braided bracelet. It was blue and green, and he immediately slipped it on, admiring the bunny charm. “I made it myself.” I grin, showing him my matching one. He smiles at my wrist but stays silent. Did I do something wrong?

“Okay, your turn.” 

The first bag is full of sweet treats. Chocolates and a whole assortment of candies. There are so many sweets in this room it wouldn’t hurt to share with our other friends. Jungkook hands me the next bag. A teddy bear, almost just like the one I gave him. 

“I’ll name her Janet.” I grin, mocking the name he gave his. “Janet and James.” I set her down next to the other bear. “Quite a pair.” 

“Quite a bear.” Jungkook stares at me, taking the moment to soak in his joke. I ignore him, hiding a smile as he hands the next one over.

“This one's the best one.” He pouts, “there are two parts” I shake my head reaching in. and finding a small box. I don’t hesitate in opening it, two little rings are inside. Raising an eyebrow I examine them further. 

‘I heart you’ one says, and I feel that it's plastic. “Great right?” He takes the other and tries to stick it on his fingers. Eventually, he fits it on his pinkie. They are clearly from a gumball machine or something, for kids. I shake my head with a laugh, sticking it onto my pinkie as well. I reach into the bag again. The fluff of something soft meeting my fingers. I pull it out. 

“What’s this?” I ask, seeing as there are two. One has a heart and arrow pattern and the other has pink teddy bears. 

He blushes, his hand resting on the back of his neck, “I thought it would be fun to have matching pajamas while we watch the movies.” He huffs, looking down at the ground.

Oh! My eyes widen at the pink teddy bears, and I rip the package open. “That's the best idea! That's the silliest Valentine's thing ever.” I shake it out, a pair of pants and a long sleeve. “I’m gonna put it on now!” We share a smile. “You know where the bathroom is.” I wave him off as I walk towards my bedroom. 

I slip out of the dress, and I am grateful to be getting into something more comfortable. Feeling giddy I look into my mirror. I look like a kid, and I feel like one too. This is so much fun. We should do fake Valentine’s more often. Who needs a real date anyway? Best friends are most definitely the better option. 

If it weren’t Jungkook, I’d be worried about every little thing. If something got stuck in my teeth at dinner. If I got him the right kind of chocolates. If my dress was riding up. Too many things to worry about, with him I can be comfortable. And now, extra comfortable with this cute new pajama set. 

I head back out, and soon Jungkook returns from the bathroom, folding his clothing up and leaving it on the table. He’s a sight to see, looking very soft, “You’re cute.” I say heading over to the couch.

“Oh,” he laughs awkwardly, “Thanks.” He comes around joining me. We sit together crossing our legs up on the couch. 

“So which of these shitty movies are we gonna watch?” I flip on the screen, opening up Netflix. He shuffles getting comfortable. 

“I think we should watch one that’s not that shitty, but like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before?” He says and I shrug, searching it up. It didn’t matter to me. I’ve seen this one, but it was a while ago. I think I remember liking it. One of the better cheesy rom coms. 

As long as we can make fun of it. That’s the point. We’d planned this night a while ago. Thinking how much fun it would be to make fun of Valentine’s day by doing Valentine's day things. It’s turning out to be the best Valentine’s I’ve ever had. 

“How can she say that and feel differently?” Jungkook curls his lip in annoyance at the main character. We were far along with the film and he was getting annoyed with her. “It’s basically lying.”

I groan, “No? She’s just apprehensive cause he’s been giving her mixed signals and been wishy-washy the whole movie.”

He takes the remote and pauses it rather aggressively. “If anyone’s sending mixed signals it’s her. All girls do that. If she was just straightforward with her feelings then so could he.” 

“Why is it her responsibility to be straight forward? Can’t he do it? She’s the inexperienced one? He knows that.” 

He rolls his head back against the couch, his hair falling from its confines. “My point is that girls are confusing.” His neck tenses as he pulls his head back up. “And he,” he points to the screen, “Is confused. So of course he isn’t gonna be straightforward.”

“Girls are not confusing.” I roll my eyes if anyone is confusing it’s boys. His brows are furrowed in frustration, and I think it’s funny that he has such a serious opinion about it. His demeanor changes again, and he seems to squeeze his fists open and closed. 

“Yes, they are, like you.” 

I scoff, “Me?” 

He interrupts before I can continue. “Yeah, you. Your signals are so mixed and it fucks with my brain. One minute you're cold and the other you’re hot. I try and understand but it always just makes me more confused.” He rambles, not looking at me, “I just want to understand you.” He sighs, realizing he got heated.

My head shakes, “I’m so confused, which only proves that boys are more confusing.” He doesn’t respond. “Understand what?” I look over him and his face has fallen to his lap. My eyes shadow with worry as I cross my legs scooting closer to him. “I don’t really know why this turned into an argument… Did I say something wrong?” He shakes his head, more hair sliding out onto his forehead. 

“Seriously Jungkook I don’t want tonight to end in us being upset over something so stupid, but like you’ve been a little off the whole night. Was it me?” 

A deep groan escapes from his throat, and he cringes, “No, no Dea.” He buries his head into his hands.”I mean…” I really don’t understand what changed his mood all of the sudden. My hands fold in my lap. What could I have said to upset him? It really can’t have anything to do with the stupid movie. Can it? Maybe it had been the card. I’ve always expressed how much I care about him but maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe it came across weird and now he thinks that I like him. 

“So it was me?” I swallow, pursing my lips. 

His eyes shut as he takes a breath. “No, Dea you didn’t upset me.” He brings his hand to my wrist, clasping over it. His face softens, but he still looks confused. His fingers, soft and warm, tickle over the bracelet, running it in between his fingers. The simple touch sending tingles down my arm. “I promise.” He mumbles, opening his eyes, which meet mine. My breath speeds up and I feel nervous all of the sudden. My heart races as he stares into me. Those eyes have always been beautiful. The way they shine as the light hits them, always wide and searching. 

What was he searching for?

His eyes don’t leave mine, but his hand fades from the bracelet, traces of his touch still at my skin. I can’t help the butterflies in my stomach. Especially, as his hand meets my cheek. Its presence lingers, soft and kind. Under the coolness of his fingers, my cheeks are heated, and I want to tear my eyes away from his, but my gaze stays. 

His fingers flit over my skin, his hand hooking around my neck and thumb meeting my ear. I try to slow my breaths, which are too fast and heavy. I notice he bites at his lip, contemplating? Searching with those searching eyes. His thumb moves again, brushing against my cheek that is surely rosey enough for him to see. 

Slowly his body inches towards mine, his face coming closer and pulling mine in tandem. God so excruciatingly slow, but his eyes still haven’t left mine. His chest rises and falls, his nose bumps mine. Finally, his eyes drop, glancing at my lips. His part slightly, as he leans further. 

They touch, Jungkook pressing his lips into mine and pulling me into him by my neck. Gently, softly, he kisses me. As if relieved he sighs into my mouth, his other hand snaking into my waist. I breathe in a sudden breath, shocked at the cold of his fingers there. 

Immediately he breaks the kiss, eyes wide and confusion filling them. “I’m sorry.” He says breathy, his hands retreating. I too am breathless, unsure of what to say. That certainly wasn’t what I expected, but I liked it. God, I fucking liked it a lot. I wanted to do it again. But doubt clouds his eyes, scanning me over. 

“God Dea. I’ve royally fucked up haven’t I.” His breaths are getting fast and I can tell he's about to panic. Why? Couldn’t he tell I liked it? I shake my head fervently, but he’s not looking. “I’m so sorry, I don’t want this to change anything.” He chokes, his eyes watering.”You’re… you’re my best friend… and” 

“Jungkook!” I try to muster up some courage, one hand planting itself on his chest hesitantly. He goes silent, “I... “ I swallow trying to find the right words. “Don’t apologize.” My heart pounds in my ears, unsure of what this feeling is. His eyes look somewhat relieved, and my hand falters at his neck. I take a deep breath. “I… want you to kiss me…” I say shakily before biting my lip, my other hand finally rests at his nape. Maybe that was too forward? I can’t read him now as he stares on, eyes flipping over me. 

“You do?” He mumbles, sounding wary. Making me say it again? My stomach twirls, answering silently. I mean I do. Does he not? 

I squeeze my hand shut that lays on his chest, “ah… yeah.” My eyes fall, wondering what he’s thinking. Under the soft fabric of the pjs I feel his heart, racing just as mine is. His hand, the left this time, reaches up, taking my neck much more firmly, pulling my face into his. He halts, his breath hitting my lips but nothing more. His lashes batting and dancing with mine. Together our heavy breaths fall onto one another. He does want this right? My fingers clasp at the sew line of his top, and I tug the fabric with both hands, pulling him the rest of the way. 

With his mouth on mine, I take both hands around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss. Again he pulls at my waist, less hesitant this time. His hand finds the small of my back, supporting himself as he leans into me. He leans closer and closer until my back is against the cushions, one of his legs between mine. The kiss softens, we both need to breathe, but neither of us pulls away.

His hand knots itself in my hair, keeping my lips against his. Holding on to the last moments. Until they aren’t. My lungs are heaving in need of air of my own. His breath flutters over my face, and he kisses softly at my cheek.

“Can I be straightforward then”?” He asks into my ear, the humming sensation tickling at my face. I nod, keeping my hands on him, not wanting him to leave. Not wanting him to say it was a mistake, or that he doesn’t want it to be a forever thing. He smiles softly, showing the teeny mole under his lip, reassuring me slightly. He must have noticed the worry in my eyes, brushing through my hair with his hand, tracing a finger over my cheeks. 

“I… like you Dea.” He says soothing himself with a deep breath. “I love you.” He swallows, nodding slowly, “I love you.” 

My lips curl up in the slightest smile. “I love you too.”

—

for more :D

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[s-n-a-k-e-p-i-t]

so i picked up an ember in the ashes at the library this afternoon and i just finished it...

also i made friends with the librarians, they were so so so so nice to me and the one even walked me over to the YA section when I asked for directions and she was like “honestly I basically live in this section, i hope you find what you’re looking for.” honestly, cannot wait to go back tomorrow and be like hello it’s me i found exactly that because I’m done and need the rest of the series ASAP! But it was so great, they were also so shocked that I, a 24 year old young person, was interested and EXCITED to get a library card and i was definitely about to cry with how excited I was and I just love meeting people who GET THAT. 

anyWAY SPOILERS FOR AN EMBER IN THE ASHES BELOW

Okay, first of all, I actually really liked Helene’s character and I was totally shipping her with Elias from the beginning. I mean, homegirl is a fucking badass--only girl besides the Commandant--in the school, totally holds her own and can defend herself. (I mean there’s the whole brainwashed into violence and following orders thing) but like they make a really good fucking team and I honestly did feel a little bad for her bc yeah she was like this dude’s number 1 for years and then someone else just came along... AND YES I KNOW THIS PLOT IS SO OVERUSED OR WHATEVER BUT I HAVEN’T LIKED THE CHILDHOOD LOVE INTEREST SINCE GALE IN THE HUNGER GAMES SO LIKE CUT ME SOME SLACK-- and i know yall aren’t going to give me slack for picking Gale over Peeta, believe me my whole life has been torture because of that stance, just save your breath.... 

But in the same regards, I also liked Keenan’s character and his whole Laia romance thingy. It’s nice when characters develop other relationships and slowly find their way to one another. Adds to the burn, and we all know I like a slow burn. 

I was so so thankful to be back in first person after reading The Night Circus earlier this week.... I just really enjoy being directly implanted in the character’s heads and especially for a book that went back and forth between the two perspectives and then intertwining them, I was thankful for that insight. 

I’m not going to lie though, the beginning had me pushing through a bit and I get it, again, this world needed so much exposition to really explain who was who and how they got to where they were... and starting off with the raid was great, but again, sometimes I just need to simmer in the world for roughly 100 pages before I start to become immersed in it. It’s very rare that I’m hooked off the bat, but I also like to give everything a chance, so ya know! in this case it worked! At first I thought I’d one and done this book, but now I’m super curious as to where the rest of the series is going to read so you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be tearing through it on my DAY OFF TOMORROW!!!!! Can’t wait. 

I also could’ve seen Elias’ secret tunnel (secret tunneeeeeeel, secret tunnneeeeeel) being aid to them later in the story, called the fact that she could bring it to Mazen and then when that failed, that they would eventually escape through it, but oh well, I love me a secret tunnel and it’s nice bc Elias really did spend a lot of time digging it so I’m really glad all that work didn’t go to nothing. 

Um also I love Laia’s transformation. I often feel like even timid characters are like yeah I’m going to fight, but I really loved Laia’s struggle with cowardice and fear. I liked seeing her debate with herself of what to do, having her brother’s voice in her head guiding her, asking herself what her parents would do and if she would even live up to that. It was all refreshing in a way because I feel like that period in other books either doesn’t exist or is very short lived, like maybe a chapter. I liked that the first book of this series is solely her trying to figure out if she wants to save or be saved. I also just really like her in general, she’s spunky but I also like that she doesn’t annoy me... you know what I’m saying? If you read YA you get me, right? 

Also was a fan of the fact that they’re not 17 (at least they didn’t read like that, I’m feeling like early twenties, IDK maybe I’m wrong). I mean I am all for 17 year olds freaking out about which guy to choose and then having to save the world I. EAT. THAT. SHIT. UP!!!! But with darker themes mentioned in this book, I did enjoy the level up on the age spectrum. 

But yeah, overall I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I had seen a tiktok saying that it was disappointing and a DNF for that particular reader, but honestly couldn’t be me. Yeah, tad slow at the beginning, there’s a lot to understand to understand the brutality of this reality, but I mean I’m glad I stuck with it, because those last 200 pages, oooooooh boy they flew by. 

I’m interested to see where Elias’ and Laia’s relationship goes in terms of *wiggles eyebrows* their chemistry, because boy oh boy i am hereeeeee for it. Especially since so much of this book was like her: I HATE YOU him: her golden eyes were looking at me and that’s all that matters... and they’ll both be in new positions in this world and I’m interested to see them navigate it.

Do recommend if anyone is questioning it! (not that you’d read this all and then be like oh maybe i should after I literally just told you EVERYTHING) but whatever! And as always, I am always down for discussions, especially since I’m tearing through books right now and my friends are like we can’t keep up pls emily stop. hahaha sucks for them, escapism for the win! ok goodnight, gotta sleep so I can wake up and start storm and fury while waiting for my pick ups to be ready!!!!!

xoxoxox

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 2 - “The pair thing doesn’t leave much room for dRaMa and I want DrAmA” - Madison

Ok, so I'm going to recap everything I experienced during this scramble as there is a lot to cover. Willow and I lost the tik tok challenge by 2 points which sucks so we have to go to the warzone now. The warzone is kinda cool. I get to talk to more than just willow which is cool. Everyone seems to like each other and for the longest time no one had a name. Sadly, Brandon shot himself in the foot and was voted out by everyone because he never spoke a word to anyone. I kinda feel bad for the guy but you know, atleast Brandon has 100% voting accuracy. That's kinda hard especially in survivor. I also forgot to mention that I have hit 2 spaces on the Battleship grid so hopefully I get an idol or advantage soon!

Tribal went accordingg to plan;BDC went in a 12-0 vote 😧 I hate first tribal nerves. But its over and Im good. I think i made good connections with people. Made stronger connection with Madison. We both love Dumbo 🐘. I got to talk more with Stephen and Matt so i think those are bonds i could use later on in the game or if I find myself in the warzone with them again. Cullan and Ian were pretty good and nice people. I got along with Ian a lot. Willow was a nice person, we just didnt get to talk a lot today cuz she had 2 finals today. I didnt get to talk with jacob or doodle. (But i already had Jacob as a friend so he is someone who i played with before but dont remember. Oop 🤭) overall iI think warzone this round was a positive thing.

i'm shook that we were safe from the tik tok immunity. i'm even more shook that we got second????????? in it. like what??? i literally was editing the video with like 4 (four) minutes to spare because my idiot ass partner decided last second to tell me that he wasn't able to edit it and tik tok wasn't loading on his phone. like? when were you planning on telling me this information..... anyways we won, so i guess i can't be too upset with him. warzone thing is dumb, unfortunately i was a part of another season monty hosted that has this twist and got screwed over by it hardcore, so shrug. i'm assuming the same thing will happen this time around because of how new all of these people are. i know barely any of them and i'm just gonna assume for the most part they know each other or are at least aware of each other whereas i'm like i know owen and stevie??? it's just one massive eyeroll. gonna just try to focus on not going to tribal though. if we did i would have zero issues voting tommy out. he's zzzzzzzzzzzz. first night of the game i like offered to call while we figure out who to vote, tried to get to know him, etc. he gave minimum effort, didn't want to call, didn't ask me anything about me or make any attempt to get to know me. so i have zero attachment to him which sucks because i feel like for the most part people are going to stick with their assigned sign partner. idk if it's just because he hasn't played a game outside of fb before and they all suck or what but girrrrrl he needs to step it up. i've been working on this puzzle for a minute. for a while i couldn't beat like 2:20~ but randomly got 1:43 and am gonna hope that that's a competitive score, at least good enough to keep us out of the bottom. tommy sucks and can hardly break 2 minutes after being very up front that WE ARE WINNING THIS. i told him i think my score is easily attainable so that he'd try more LMAO because i really don't wanna lose this early. i think my outlook on the game would be so much different had i not gotten stuck with a stale ass plank of wood for a partner.

I really hope Renne and I could atleast be in the top 6 and be immune. But being in in the top three would be cool only because we would see guardians of the galaxy. I got 2:27 and Renee around 2:46 i believe so we should be okay unless these people are monsters at puzzles.

Look I was going to try to do video confessions every time for this game but sometimes you look so bad the Face ID on your laptop doesn't even recognize you as yourself...and that's literally me right now. So text it is! Hey! I'm having a gr8 time. Such a fun game! To recap last round, I had SUCH a good TikTok plan and then Jacob and I are illiterate and didn't realize when the videos were due, so we lost. BUT I think that was a blessing, because we got to talk to people outside of our sign pair, which was really beneficial. At least for me it was. Talking to Renee, Ian, and Maynor was great, and I think I'd be down to work with any of them later on. Stephen potentially too, but he still scares me. Too much history lmao. Tribal was the easiest ever but I can already tell this is gonna be like Mongolia and Hogsmeade where NO ONE talks about the vote until the hour before, which is exciting, but also very stressful. I'm ready to be in a chat with more people in it though. The pair thing doesn't leave much room for dRaMa and I want DrAmA.

We F*CKEN tied!! I just saw the scores and we only got 6th because I got a faster individual time than the 2 Tauros. I’m so happy that me and Renee could take a breather even if it is for one day. I really like Renee and I’d be down to work with her all the way to the end. Hopefully she feels the same way cuz we could be dangerous together.

Ya boy just found the fucking Topaz Idol, suck it bitches! This is the first idol I have legitimately found, I get nervous about having advantages though, I don't want to waste them which has lead me to be voted of with an advantage in my pocket before. I can use this idol to turn votes against me into votes for whoever I want which is beautiful, I hope to genuinely fuck somebody's day up with this! However, if I've found one already, you can bet your ass somebody else has found something as well. Let's see whose dick is bigger, whoever you are.

So far this game has been interesting. When it started I was SHOOK by the 12 tribes of 2. Definitely thought it was going to be interesting and potentially scary navigating how people get voted out. Then the first round was voting off a team right in the beginning just based on who is on it pretty much. When that team ended up being Nehe and Chips I was PUMPED because from a previous game Nehe and I did not leave things on the best of terms. Then one of them gets to come back. And it's Nehe. Great. I did not want to let that bother me much so I figured I would worry more about it when the time came to worry about it. Then the next immunity challenge happened and i truly did not think Owen and i would do so well because I am not normally good at these things and i am shook that we won. Owen's editing ideas were what saved us I think. So not only were we safe for that round, we also get to go to the oasis! And who else but Nehe is there too. I was initially dreading it because I wasn't sure how the conversation was going to go. When we did end up talking he said that he has calmed down, matured a bit, and wants to put things behind us and move forward. I still am not sure if I believe it or not, or at least to what extent I believe it. There is always going to be the thought that he could be playing me due to our history. It's hard not to bring things from the past and carry them in the present and let it effect relationships with people. Seeing Kait in this game I was initially a little worried because I don't know what that working relationship is like. I haven't played a game with Kait in a long time but I do not know where we stand as far as working together. It will be hard to navigate but the reunion was nice to have. Another thing that is worrying me is Owen. Right now we are working well together in the challenges, I haven't had any problems with Owen in the past that I can remember, and we generally respect each other's existence I think? Idk I am just not sure what the relationship is between us two. We also don't really talk much being on this tribe together and I don't know if that's because we are kinda solid and we don't need to do the initial meeting each other and talking to build a relationship, or if because we are both content with how things are running and waiting for circumstances to change to actually start playing the game. It is hard with these teams of 2 as tribes trying to navigate how to play. With that being said, i also am unsure about what I should be doing in the oasis. I have been chatting lightly with people but I think it is too early to be strategizing with them. I don't want to play too hard and there is the possibility of not going to tribal council with these people for a while so the connections might not be worth my while to make. I am just unsure if I am being left in the dark about strategy this early on, or if I am getting paranoid over nothing because it is still a bit too early in the game for people to strategize with this game structure. Time will tell and I hope Owen and I keep winning while the game is still like this 

I am voting for Matt today. All of my decisions are arbitrary until this twist ends because nothing really has weight yet at all. Also, I feel like I can definitely trust the people who voted last time because there is little incentive to betray because the voting pool is so volatile. I expect relatively straightforward votes until we actually start playing Survivor. Ready for the casting portion to end.

I’m feeling pretty good currently! Being like just safe in the middle is exactly where I wanted to be in this game, although it js a little awkward not really being able to strategize right now. I feel like I’m really good with Adrian though and in a place that we can move forward as a pair. I really just wanna make sure I make the merge or til a swap or something because I’m really ready to do well in this game. But I wouldn’t trade safety in this game for anything at this point.

Hey! So, we lost the challenge again which sucks. Willow isn’t the greatest at jigsaw puzzles, but that is ok. Is losing a bunch is making us less of a threat and giving us more social connections with the rest of the game. I got the legacy advantage last night which is awesome. No one knows I have it and I’m not going to tell a damn soul about it. I heard Matt’s name thrown out so I’m going to see if that’s what everyone’s down to do. Everyone seems to like me which is great so hopefully my charm keeps me around for a while. Me not showing excellent challenge performance is also a bonus. I’m getting weird vibes from Nehe. He talks a lot which is why I tried voting him out the first time. He’s too fucking like able so I know he’ll be tough to get rid of. People need to learn to take their hearts out of the game eventually and learn to vote someone out even if they love having the person around. The longer he lives, the harder he will be to kill.

It has been good not having to stress over tribal today. I just hope that Matt B isnt going or anyone else that I talked to in the last warzone cuz they were cool and would like to have the possibility of working with them later on in the game. Update on idol search. I guess M4 and it was a hit and ive been trying to going around it but so far it has been 2 misses so far. I have M3 and N4 left so i hope that tonights guess at 10:05pm is a hit because this is the closest Ive been to finding something in these searches. I hope its something good for my game. I just hope no one has found this ship yet.

Well, another day another dollar I guess. I was really nervous that Timmy and I weren't going to do well in the puzzle challenge because puzzles aren't my strongest challenges, but we were able to pull it out once again and save ourselves. I am starting to get a little nervous about consistently getting 4th or 5th because we are still some of the only players in the game who have not talked to anyone but ourselves. Hopefully we are still early enough in the game that we can make connections with people down the line, but the more time I waste just sitting around the more nervous it makes me. I would never throw a challenge because lord knows that I love having immunity, but if we don't place in the top 3 for the next challenge we're gonna have to figure something out. Timmy is great but you can't win this game just by having one friend and one friend only.

So I had thought that the people from last round would stick together, but apparently some people are voting for Matt? I dont mind much, I’m taking a Sandra-esque “I’m happy to vote whoever as long as it aint me approach.” Might stop me over strategising

- - - - -

All that stuff about being Sandra this season? forget it. I’m back on my bullshit. Nehe wants an alliance with me, doodle, corey, and devon. But apart from Nehe I have barely talked to any of those guys. So im gonna try and make a counter alliance of Me Matt Ian Chloe Willow and maybe Cullan? If I tell them whats going on they might join me and vote out Nehe, or maybe doodles the better play?

- - - - -

Nevermind the nevermind all these people are like “Oh? A counter alliance to protect myself from an alliance without me? Nah i’m good, getting voted out is fun!” So screw them Im voting matt, see ya suckers.

Hello Did I mention last time that I’m ready for this weird twist to be over and for us to be normal tribes? Either way it felt nice to win and I’m glad I don’t have to go back to that warzone, but at the same time, I worry if we stay out of it too long we won’t have made any allies or friends through a tribal and that could be dangerous moving forward to a swap, maybe if we stay as signs for much longer I’ll mention that to maynor and see how he feels about throwing one hm

Top six is great top three is better but like....I have a feeling it’s the wrong six to be in rn. Those bottom six get to talk and strategize. None of that happens here in the oasis zzzzz I was thankful to get to talk to Kait twice that part was rlly good. Nehe and I had a little bit of a talk. Thomas is SO BORING ATO TALK TO tho hsjshdjd I was excited to meet someone new but omfg. He was like ‘I study math’ and I was like ‘omg I could never’ and he was like ‘well I can !’ PLS LOL So I’m kind of dying here but maybe it’s better to be safe. I’m just scared the game is moving without me. Idk I guess it’s early for that.

I think I forgot to write a confessional this round so far so...WHY DO WE ALWAYS GET 4th!! I know it’s only been 2 challenges but still. I usually hate social games but I’m dying to talk to at least someone who isn’t trace. Don’t get me wrong, he’s great, but this game is so boring so far just because I can’t talk to anyone. That’s really going to screw me over in the long run. At least if you fuck up in challenges you get to talk to people. It’ll make it easier for me to get voted off since I’ll have no connections so I’ll need to work my ass off if that time comes. Fuck.

fuck these bitches.   to start off,  i lost immunity by less than 2 seconds which SUCKS.  thought i had a decent time but i guess not Back in the warzone, theres a few people i was here with last time, including Ian, Stephen and Cullan which is nice.  Willow and Chloe are back too, but we didnt speak last time so i made sure we spoke more frequently this time.  Basically a group of Devon, Taylor, Corey and Nehe.  Stephen W let me know this was going on and he didnt want it to happen. So i started putting forth effort into targeting taylor, but then it made more sense to go for nehe because he is also the other solo in this game.   Now on PAPER it would make sense for me and Nehe to work together and have each other's back but clearly he doesnt care lol.  So i focused my attention to the people that seem like they really do wanna keep me (Stephen, Ian, Cullan, Willow, and Chloe).  I made my rounds, multiple rounds tbh and tried to make my best sales pitch to them.  Stephen, Cullan, Ian seem all 100 with me and im like 60% sure willow wants to keep me, but her responses are so delayed that i cant really get a good read.  Chloe is the biggest question mark for me just because its late for her and shes starting another org and has assignments to work on.  I want to believe that she would keep me because i expressed a lot of interest in working with her in this game.   As of now its 9:40pm which means 20 mins till my fate is determined.  I would like to think the 6  person group i got together can stick with me and keep me in the game, but i really dont know anymore.   I wouldnt be shocked if i left 9-1 tbh.  these people dont wanna play the game this early or work with me when i can easily be an extra number for any pair in this game.  I hope to god i stay because its been such a different experience and a new world for orgs, and i wanna stay and fight.  so fingers crossed i guess

It is 10 minutes to tribal and im nervous to see what happens. This 2 person tribe twist is really weird. I want to more people. I just hope is someone i havent really talked to. Hopefully the next challenge is something that me and Renee can be good at.

Okay so we formed an alliance named The Pact which is basically a temporary alliance for warzone where the trick is to throw immunity, go there together, and get someone who isn't us, outta the game. It was created by Nehe and involves him, taylor, stephen, devon and I. Am I honestly going to THROW IMMUNITY? idk. I don't trust taylor whole heartedly But I would like to work w him for some time. I have had info coming back to me making it seem as though he genuinely likes me so! kfnskdlgdslk anyways. Tonight, the vote is matt. I am terrified if it isn't. xoxo, gossip girl.

Behind the scenes of the vote last round that sent Matt packing, I was informed by Stephen that Doodle(Taylor) has been making alliances all over town.  That lets me know he is not a long term pro Ian player, conversely Stephen has won a lot of my favor.  I took that knowledge to Willow, as someone else that is supposed to be "working with" Doodle ka boodle I felt that she needed to be "generally aware".  I wish I would have also shared with Devon that knowledge but I didn't.  Doodle can think he is running the Warzone, I'll be quietly letting people know exactly what he is. A fake. A fraud. A man building himself up to be burnt and burnt bad.  I knew what he was from the moment he pm'd me with "omg lets be long term allies I hate tiktok too", buddy you can do the heavy lifting for now, I'll vote you out the second you stop playing in MY interest.  The trap I think so many TS players fall into is that they begin to think they're playing a single player game, you're not the only one with friends.