#i blame colleen

[toddreblogslotf]

you guys if you are siding with mickey you do realise you’re taking the side of an abuser and ur probably….. in the wrong??????

for a fandom based on reading some of us sure do not know how 2 read it would seem

[colesawicn]

me on priv

[satanscutestdaughter]

my listening to hollywood undead has the same dumbass loser energy as reading haruki murakami oh well

[pinkyapperella]

I'm so sick of hearing about this Miranda Sings bitch, at this point call the fucking cops. Like y'all do every damn thing, but call the fucking cops and it's annoying. Gonna come to the internet like we fucking Criminal Minds or something. And like where tf do y'all parents be at, cause when I was 10-13 my momma was all up in my shit. So how tf y'all parents be letting this shit happen to y'all?

[jewishbarbies]

no but people justifying the rise in misogyny and toxic masculinity in romance-driven novels written by and for women with the “no no, it’s okay because the female lead wants this.” excuse will never not piss me off. there’s sexual preferences and wanting to be dominated in bed, and then there’s men treating you like property in your day to day lives. telling women that if you want a sexually dominant man who likes it rough like they do that they have to put up with relentless abuse and shitty behavior outside the bedroom is not some sexually liberating, feminist girlboss move. it’s abhorrently disgusting.

[eatyourdamnpears]

OP literally stans Leo Tierney but go off I guess

THAT WAS BEFORE HE WAS A SEXUAL DEVIANT (DEROGATORY)

[fighting-god-69]

The way a lot of colleen hoover fans are fetishizing abuse because of It Ends With Us is truly ridiculous

[svnnykokoro]

When;; when I grow up and end up making fictional stories for a living I don't wanna write some ordinary YA teen romance shiz and slap some like vampires or dragons in it and call it fantasy when 80% of it is just the female lead doing the do with the abusive rich brooding male lead I am going to write a book about a diverse group of time travellers randomly crashing into cishet white conservative male Collin's front lawn in the middle of the night while hurriedly discussing something about "the mines" and waking up poor Collin for him to see that a bunch of teenagers (?) Dressed in strange clothing are attempting to come up with solutions to heal the underground crystallized eels that came to life on an alien planet and then for the time travellers outside to realise that the man who owns the house they crashed into was listening and end up having to string poor Collin along in case the pearl prophecies of zone E3 was mentioning Collin in the post-it prophecy and for romance maybe Collin can discover he's ace along the way or something like I just made up this premise now and that's a billion times better than whatever Colleen Hoover could cook up I don't care if it doesn't instantly become booktok famous in the first 5 weeks or whatever I'm going to write whatever fantasy stuff I want where the stupid abusive rich prince gets thrown into the puddle of shadow snakes to rot for all eternity

[rodjanikov]

Anyways it's fine, I'm fine I'm done overreacting like an idiot

[whydoifeelthisquiet]

This Colleen thing gets worse and worse

[creedslove]

DESERVE IT - PART TEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: you are forced to hear what Manu has to tell you, and a surprise at the office makes you rethink your relationship with Javier

Warnings: hurt, angst, offenses, fluff, mentions of smut, sexual tension, jealousy and more angst

A/N: sorry taking so long, I was sick and I was caught up in a sudden Agent Whiskey vibes that got me distracted from Javi and Joel 🥺

Also, I think it's pretty obvious I have no idea how the DEA office works in the show, so in my story, I picture it as the station of B99 where there's the upper floor department which is the DEA and the lower floor department that it's the station, lol

• PART ONE

• PART TWO

• PART THREE

• PART FOUR

• PART FIVE

• PART SIX

• PART SEVEN

• PART EIGHT

• PART NINE

5.3k words

When Manu left his home that Sunday morning, he was determined to face the man he hated the most in the world. 

He wasn't sure how he began hating that man, but it had something to do with the moment he joined the police enforcement in Colombia. 

He was a typical american guy, looking down at everything in Manu's beloved country and always thinking he was above all. 

Maybe it was his smug smile, those stupid tight pants as if he'd been trapped for over a decade or how the office girls swooned for him. He hadn't exchanged more than two or three words, but whenever they had some mission concerning Escobar and the DEA dogs, that motherfucker walked around with that attitude, as if he was better than anyone else. 

Manu just hated how pretentious he was, how he swore he had all those women on his feet. Most of the time, he did, but the women he had on his feet weren't the kind of women Manu liked. They were usually cheap, easy girls, or literally prostitutes. And then he saw you. 

You were possibly the most beautiful woman Manuel had ever seen in his life, you were always sweet and kind to everyone, politeness and efficiency were something everyone from the office noticed, you treated everyone equally… except for maybe Colleen, it was noticeable how you couldn't stand her, but no one could actually blame you as that woman was kind of annoying. Manu watched you from afar every day, since you began working at the station. He liked admiring you, he had never spoken to you, but in his mind, he was sure you were a beautiful person, inside and out. He just didn't understand why you seemed to be attached to Peña's hip, you weren't a cop, you weren't his partner and you certainly weren't his girlfriend, as the word on the street said Peña didn't do relationships. 

And yet, you gave him the heart eyes, you were always laughing together and very often you giggled at whatever he had said. 

Manu was always confused as to why someone like you, could orbitate around Javier. 

Then, Carlos initiated his weird obsession with you. He still went after the girls in the office, but you seemed to linger longer in his mind. One of the reasons was that, just like Manu, he also couldn't stand Javier. And winning one of his girls would be a great victory for him. And also because you never gave Carlos the time of the day, and it drove him mad. Not many women refused him, but you did, so when flirtation didn't work, he turned his aim at you, and tried making you the office's joke, which Manu immediately put an end to it, when he was around at least. He didn't need people gossiping around and distracting themselves from work. 

So he just decided not to listen to any of that gossip and remind himself that everything that came from Carlos was pure shit. 

And then you were transferred to his department, and when he met you, he knew he'd made the right choice by not letting any gossip about you influence him. You were everything he'd dreamed of in a person and just the fact that you actually took a liking on him, was enough to show Manu that sometimes good things happened. 

During your brief relationship, Manu never really liked the fact you were once so close to Javier, but just as he had his own past relationships, you did too, besides, you were always so honest when you said you didn't have anything with him, you two were friends and nothing else, and well, as for Manuel, he had no reasons to doubt you.

He was bothered ever since he woke up the day before, he'd spent a wonderful night with you, you had finally had sex, he was staying at your house and that must've been a big deal, right? But once he woke up, he heard you whimpering and moaning in his sleep. He smirked happily, assuming you were dreaming of him and possibly wanted another round of him.

So he trailed kisses around your neck and your shoulder, which you sleepily welcomed with more moans, but then he heard Javier's name coming out of your lips.

Manu didn't really believe it at first, he must have misheard what you said, and even after he questioned you and you explained yourself saying you were just telling him good morning. Once again, he believed you, he had no reasons to doubt you after all. 

Then when you both got to the barbecue, he couldn't help but have that characteristic feeling of hatred and anger spreading through his body. The mere presence of Javier caused that. Everything about that guy bothered him, made his skin crawl and the fact he kept his stupid, ridiculous sunglasses on all the time pretending he wasn't eye fucking you, was driving him insane. 

Manu couldn't lie about the fact he was a little disappointed when you asked him to go home, he loved every minute of the night you had spent together and every fiber of his body was longing for a repetition of that, he wanted to do it again, to have you lost in his arms, being in so much pleasure you couldn't help but being loud as hell. However, he didn't want to overstay, if you were asking him to leave you had a good reason, and for the third time, Manuel Herrera believed in you because he had no other reason not to.

When he woke up that Sunday morning, he sighed as the side of the bed you were supposed to take as your own was cold and empty. He hoped he could wake up to your sleepy, smiley face, but that was not happening. He got up and made himself breakfast, taking his time to think about your relationship and smiled at himself, he had something good going on and he wanted to assure things would continue that way. An idea crossed his mind and after debating it with himself, he decided to do it, as there was a slim, but consistent possibility it would work out. 

He saw himself driving to the place of the guy he hated the most in the whole wide world: Javier Peña.

At first he hadn't planned it very well, but it was something pretty simple, he was going to talk to Javier in a straightforward way, no beating around the bush, he was just going to straightforward ask Javier to leave you alone once for all. 

He wasn't trying to control your friendships, but he didn't trust Javier and since you seemed to have been so vulnerable towards him, he thought it could be a nice request, a fair request, even. Especially since Javier had been treating you like shit for months, Manu thought it would be a decent idea. First he was going to knock on his door, have a chat with him and then he would go to your apartment, kiss you on the lips and take you out for lunch. 

He stood in front of Javier's door, knocking on it and as soon as the door opened, he recited the words he'd rehearsed in his mind, until he went completely silent at the image of you, standing there, naked underneath that shirt and Manu's world was forever changed by that. 

At first, it took him a split second to recognize you, he'd eyed first the naked legs and only then his gaze went up until the confirmation of who it was hit him harder than a train running right off the track. His first assumption was that it was just another hooker opening the door, but when he realized it was no one but his own girlfriend, it felt like the ground had disappeared from under his feet. 

"Manu?" You whispered in shock, he was literally the last person you thought that would knock on Javier's door. You were even holding his badge, being sure Javi himself returned to get it, but not your boyfriend. He just stood there, with a shocked and horrid expression, he didn't dare say a single word, instead he saw as your lower lip trembled and your eyes immediately filled with tears. 

"Manu" his name was nothing but a ghostly whisper coming out of your lips "I'm so sorry…" you began your apologies but he didn't want to hear any of it. 

He ran his hands through his hair, in frustration, pain, heartbreak.

"How long, Y/N?" His voice was steady, he really thought it was going to break, show you how gutted he really was, but to his own surprise, it came out as emotionless as it could be.

"Manu, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for anything to happen, I was gonna go and talk to you later today, explain to you what's happening, I know I hurt you, but I don't want you to hate me…" 

The way he stood there, not moving, not speaking, just staring at you was worse than if he was throwing a scene. So far, you had only met the good side of him, the side that was docile and sweet, you had no idea how he'd react to the shock of catching you red-handed. 

"How long, Y/N?" He repeated himself "how long have you been double dealing like that? How long have you been cheating on me with Peña?!" He raised his voice and grabbed you by the arm. His grip wasn't painful but it was strong enough so you couldn't simply break free from it. 

He took you inside Javier's apartment and closed the door, not wanting the neighbors to experience that scene. 

"I-I haven't been with Javier for long… it happened last night, but I was gonna talk to you Manu, I swear. You are a great guy, and you deserve someone good to you, someone who doesn't hurt your feelings and can love you…" you explained, as you couldn't control your sobs, too many feelings flooding you all at once, finally the guilt and shame you had been lacking appeared. It was completely different now, at the light of the day. During the night, you'd been so caught on in your feelings for Javier, he was arms length close to you, he was right there, you couldn't resist, and your boyfriend… well, at that moment he was just an idea, a thought pushed away to the back of your mind. But now, Manu stood there, flesh and bone, right in front of you, anger and disappointment all aimed at you, and he was right in every single aspect. What you did to him was inexcusable, you couldn't even try to justify… what could you tell him? You couldn't resist Javier? You were carried away in the moment? You loved Javier and the whole reason why you dated Manu in the first place was because he made you forget your heart break for a little while? Would all those excuses be enough for you if the roles were reversed and you just found out your boyfriend had spent the night with the woman you hated the most in the world? You knew it wasn't enough. 

"Ay, eres tan dulce!" He scoffed and looked at you, before turning around and taking a good look at the apartment "even when you were bouncing on Peña's cock you were still worried about my feelings… aren't you a great girlfriend?" 

"I'm so sorry Manu, I never meant to hurt you, I really care for you, but we are not right for each other.." 

"I'll give you one on that, querida, we are definitely not right for each other, because unlike your new boyfriend, I don't go out with whores" he said in a low voice "you know, Carlos always said you were one of those, a whore, a tiny little stupid girl who ran after Peña like a puppy with stupid heart eyes in hopes one day he would pay the slightest attention to you, and I always thought he was wrong… but now, I see he was absolutely right. I just came over to have a small chat with him, about you, by the way! So he would leave you alone, and I find you here, playing housewife, cleaning up after his mess, look at the way you are dressed, for fuck's sake, I've seen Peña pick up prostitutes wearing more clothes than you are right now! But I guess Carlos was right, you are not only a bitch, Y/N, but a real stupid one… out of all the men you could get involved with, you go and choose Peña?!" Manu laughed softly "I don't usually have hard feelings, and to be honest, if I could I'd wish you to be happy with him, but the problem is that I know you won't. Because he is an asshole, he's a manwhore, and you and your tight little pussy aren't gonna be able to keep him to yourself much longer, eventually he'll grow tired of you, and he'll go after other whores to seek the pleasure you won't be able to give him any longer, so I just know for a fact you won't be happy with him, but it's fine by me, because you deserve every single heartbreak he's gonna put you through, Y/N" Manu said giving you one last glance, a glance full of despise and walked out the door, leaving you alone with your guilt.

Now, if Manu had slapped you across the face, or kicked you in the guts it would've probably hurt less than his words. 

You knew he was right, you couldn't even try and argue, he was just right. You had played with his feelings, used him in order to feel better about yourself and pretty much just to make Javier jealous. 

You felt so ashamed of yourself and you wanted to curl up in some corner and disappear, everything he'd told you echoed through your mind. You didn't regret your night with Javi, not in a million of years, but now you saw you could have handled things better, not only that, you should have handled things better, that was the bare minimum. Manu never deserved the heartache you put him through and you would live with the guilt of that. 

You walked back to his bed and curled up under the blanket, you wanted him there, you wanted to assure yourself he was real, what you two had was something worth screwing up your relationship for, but at the same time your ex's words were haunting you. Was Manu really right? At some point, would Javi just get tired of you? 

You didn't know when you fell asleep, but you certainly did so while you were still crying, and only at the smell of Javier as you buried your face into your pillow was able to calm you down. 

                             •••

Now, Javier was annoyed. 

He wasn't just annoyed, he was pissed off. If he were trapped in a room with Steve Murphy and Pablo Escobar chances were he would shoot Murphy. 

Javi felt he had been ripped off a dream, he'd spent the perfect night with you, the woman he loved and craved and he had made plans to spend the perfect day with you. 

He would bring you breakfast in bed, sit next to you and enjoy your company, maybe share a cigarette with you. Then, he would invite you to shower and play with your tight, sweet and beautiful pussy there, kiss your body and soap all over it, so his hand would be a lot slippery when he explored your body. 

Taking you to bed, he would probably rail you, and god, he wouldn't save any of his fantasies, he would have you on top of him, doggy style, topping you, it didn't matter, he just wanted your body against his, he wanted to spill inside of you and keep you to himself. 

Then, as a gentleman, Javi would take you out on a date and finish this perfect Sunday buried balls deep inside of you once more. But then, Steve began knocking on his door like a madman demanding Javi to go check on La Quica information that led to nothing and deprived him from a whole day of you. 

He wondered what you were up to, though. As he drove through the streets of Colombia and pretended to hear Murphy's words, as he blabbered about his wife, his kid and his life. But Javi's mind… ohh that was elsewhere. 

He licked his lips and focused ahead, but all he could think of was you. He wondered if you went back to your place, if you'd changed clothes… what if you were on his bed, legs spread and fingering yourself thinking of him? The thought made him groan and his jeans get a little tighter.

"Wow, pay attention, man!!!" Steve suddenly said as Javi had run the red light and nearly hit another car. 

"Jesus… sorry" Javier mumbled as he got back to his senses, your sweet pussy nearly got him killed, he smirked at himself. 

It didn't take much longer to get home, he was just so eager to see you. Javi was convinced you were getting ready for your date, maybe he should have bought you some flowers? He wasn't sure, he hadn't been on a date in ages, what if you didn't like flowers? Was it possible? Women usually liked flowers. He could always get some on your way to the restaurant, it didn't really matter, he just wanted to be near you. 

He barely paid attention to Steve saying his goodbyes and got into his apartment. He knocked on your door first, but as he had no replies, he went to his own, maybe you were still there. 

He silently walked inside, and headed to his bedroom, he called you in a low voice but didn't get an answer, he didn't like that silence and closed his eyes, allowing himself to be taken back to his pop's ranch, he was sure he would never be welcomed by silence, instead there would always be music, laughter and giggles, coming from his loving wife, you and your babies. 

He shook his head, he couldn't keep having these thoughts, it was too damn early for that, he didn't even know if you relationship would last. He wanted to, of course, but he also knew you deserved better, so if you ever found someone really good and would like to be with the new guy, Javi was sure nothing could be done. 

But those self loathing thoughts died the moment he found you in his bed. You were still in his shirt and his heart clenched at the image. 

You were just so relaxed, so gorgeous, and he smiled at himself. It felt like a whiff of new air, leaving the suffocating feeling he constantly had in his life, his job and just going home to something good. Suddenly he understood what his dad meant, fuck, he understood what Steve meant. It was about having something to come back home to. 

Javi got rid of his shoes and sat next to the edge of the bed, he admired you, your hair, your body. You were everything Javier ever wished for, and he was aware it was too much for him, but it didn't matter at that time. 

His hand went for your hair, caressing it gently, seeing how you barely moved in your sleep. His hand ran down your back this time, he stroked you over the shirt, and saw how it rolled up, exposing your cheeks. He bit his lips, your ass was so perfect, so gorgeous, inviting, it was a sight that would always drive him insane, but at that very moment, he didn't want to touch you inappropriately, he wanted to feel you closer. He lowered his body and sank his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, it smelled like home to him. Javier chuckled at himself at how pathetic he was, you definitely put him under your spell and he loved every single minute of it. 

When Javi wrapped his arm around you, you shifted and raised yourself startled as you didn't even remember falling asleep in the first place. 

You turned around and saw him, he looked puzzled, confused even, but you didn't care. You just threw your arms around his neck and pulled you for a real tight hug. You tried controlling your tears, but it was hard. That heaviness in your chest wouldn't go away, it seemed every time you took your breath something stung inside and it was like a pool of tears were being contained by a thin curtain that was about to burst at any minute. 

Javi just held you, keeping you in his embrace as tight as he could, though he immediately demanded to know what was going on. Through his mind the worst possible scenarios ran freely, he gulped thinking of what could've happened to you, fuck, for a moment he feared even someone from Los Pepes had tried to harm you in any way, but when your shaky, low voice professed the name of your now, ex-boyfriend, everything made sense. 

Truth was, Javier was so drunk in love, he spent his afternoon living in a world where only you and him mattered and only you and him were a couple. No one else existed, no else was in the picture, so of course he forgot about Manu's pathetic existence, and consequently, also forgot you were going to talk to him.

"Shit baby, what happened? Did he hurt you? Did that motherfucker harm you? If he touched a strand of your hair I'll go over there and I'll fucking kill him!!!" Javier raged, though you didn't seem physically bad, he didn't trust Manuel at all. But your head shook and your grip got tighter around his body, in a clear sign you didn't want him to leave at all. 

So he patiently waited. He rubbed your back, pulling you so close you were now on his lap again, and for the sweet coincidence of having you on top of him like that for the second time in less than twenty four hours, he smiled. With the exception that this time you were the one who needed to be comforted. 

And eventually you started talking. 

You told him in details, how you noticed Javi had forgotten his badge and you were just so sure he was the one knocking on the door. You told him about Manu's shock, how silent he was, until how he crushed you with his words. 

But you didn't stop there, you looked into Javier's eyes, not hiding your tears and told him how every single word Manu had told you was right, how guilty you felt and his heart shattered, as he had no clue on how he could help you. 

Javi cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears with his long fingers and pecked your forehead. 

"Guilt is painful too, when you have conscious, it hurts to deceive someone you care about. I'm sorry it is eating you up alive, cariño, but the damage is done and all I can tell you is that I'm here for you… maybe it's too soon, maybe it's stupid but if you want to try, I want to try, we can make something out of this situation… maybe what he talked about last night, about the ranch, about leaving our jobs, maybe it could happen.." 

Javier's eyes were so hopeful, so full of expectation you couldn't even believe in yourself. It was just too much, too many feelings overwhelming you, crushing you and he was there, wanting to date you. 

Oh my god, the date.

You were supposed to go on a date with Javi, and there you were, crying your eyes out because your ex barked a few mean words to you. 

You felt so angry and so tired, you could feel another wave of hot tears threatening to spill from your eyes, but his soft touch snapped you out of your crisis. 

"Come on, princesa, let me get you home" he said in a calm voice, helping you out of his bed and crossing the hallway with you. It was funny how close you two were living and how easy it was to just come and go. 

He closed the door to your apartment behind him and once more cupped your cheeks, holding your head in place and making you pay attention to him.

"You need to rest, you're too nervous… it's just a lot of emotions, I ain't no expert, but I guess it is making you suffer, so you should take a shower, put on some of your own clothes…" he pointed at his own shirt that covered so little of your beautiful body "we can just go on our date tomorrow or some other day, there's no pressure… I can also stay tonight, or not… you can think about that while you shower" his voice was calm and he just walked you to your room, opening the wardrobe and picking you something he thought you would enjoy wearing. 

That was some domestic Javier Peña you didn't think you would ever witness. It made your heart warm, melting slowly and you suddenly felt like your chest had been cleared away, like a wave of good, positive feelings were going through your veins and for a brief second, that known feeling everything would be alright. 

You didn't even bother looking at the clothes he pick vced for you, instead, you just got rid of his shirt.

"Javi?" You whispered and waited as he turned around, you rested your arms on the side of your full naked body, a little nervous, not sure what to do with them, as Javier stopped everything he was doing and stared at your gorgeous, naked body. 

He had touched you, and he had eaten you out, sure, but it was dark the night before, he'd seen you but not as explicit as he was at that moment, and he loved it. 

He could feel his cock twitching in his pants and didn't hesitate in walking to you, arms around you, pulling you for a deep kiss. 

You corresponded to it, wanting his body on yours. It wasn't enough, you were craving him just as much as he craved you. 

"I want you to shower with me, Javi… please" you begged against his lips, though you knew you didn't have to beg, he would take you right there and then if it were to him. 

As you helped him undress, you both jumped at the phone ringing.

You ignored it at first, your hands unbuttoning his painfully see through white shirt, giggling as you kissed along his jawline and down his neck. 

But then the phone rang again, and again and at some point, Javier sighed annoyed and broke the kiss, walking to your living room and picking it up. He didn't care if it was your mom, your dad, your sister or Pablo Escobar calling you, he didn't make any efforts to sound remotely polite, he just wanted whoever was calling you to stop. 

"Oh, hello agent Peña… I've been calling your apartment but I had a gut feeling you would pick up Y/N's phone…" Manu's voice greeted the man with a sinister excitement, he sounded way too happy for someone who had just found out he'd been cheated on.

"Anyway, I'm sorry to interrupt your night, but as Y/N might have mentioned, I got the evening shift at the station tonight and we made an arrest… now our prisoner is asking specifically for you, to see if you can help with the release" 

Javier's blood ran cold. 

What if they'd arrested someone from Los Pepes, that would explain why that son of a bitch was probably grinning as he talked on the phone. In fact, the whole call was weird, it sounded like a trap to begin with, but he'd called and asked for Javier himself, and not for you… so he didn't really think Manu would try and do something against him, then yes, you confirmed he had the evening shift that Sunday, which meant he might have been telling the truth. 

And it also meant Javier would only find out when he got there. 

At first he said no when you insisted on going with him, even if Manu had come up with an evil plan, Javi was driving towards the office, there was no problem, there were always so many people no matter what time of the day, so he couldn't really try to do anything against him. But Javier wasn't comfortable with the situation, what if it was indeed someone from Los Pepes, he didn't want you to see it, to witness it… it was humiliating, embarrassing even. But then you gave him those beautiful puppy eyes of yours and he had to give in, he always did when you begged him right. 

As you both arrived not later than 30 minutes, you both saw Manu waiting at the door, he was in his full uniform and smiling big as he realized you'd come along. Just like he had planned. 

He greeted you both good evening, which was ignored as Javier rushed inside, getting to the cells as fast as possible, you followed him right behind, being also tense and curious to know who was the mysterious prisoner. 

"So, as I was trying to say, the prisoner is an old friend of yours, Agent Peña…" Manuel couldn't hide his excitement as the two of you stood in silence.

"JAVIIIII!!!" a squeaky voice came from the inside of the cell, where the prostitute was being held. 

"G-Gabi?" Javier stuttered, swallowing hard as he looked from you to the woman. 

Gabriela used to be his favorite girl to go to when he needed a hand… or a mouth… or any other part really. He'd spent quite a lot on her services over the years and the two of them had the closest thing Javier could call a relationship before you came along. He'd paid for her services, enjoy them and she would still linger around for a cigarette or two, there was even a time she ended up falling asleep next to him, and they only woke up in the morning, and of course, she didn't charge any extras. 

Manu saw your jealousy expression and felt so much joy. He had predicted Javier would screw things up with you, but he just had no idea of how fast he would do it. Even if Manu was enjoying every single second of it, even he thought it was kind of ridiculous how quick your fantasy of living a happy life with Javier was falling into pieces. Because even if he did get his shit together - which Manu and everyone, even you deep down, doubt it, would you still be able to deal with his past?

Manuel grabbed the key and opened the cell "here it is, the person you requested, ma'am" he bit his lip to try to hide the smile the moment Gabi dramatically wrapped herself around Javier's neck and began crying into his shirt, telling him a sob story of how one of her clients refused to pay so the situation turned into a whole scene and the cops were called and she was arrested even if it was unfair. 

Your stomach churned at the scene and you tried your best to remind yourself Javier had a life before you, a very busy one, but would that be frequent? From time to time you'd have to handle ghosts from this past like that?

When that that woman who knew your man better than you did, intimately, more than you did, wrapped her arms around his neck, you knew you had enough for the night, not only for that, but for the whole weekend. 

You turned around and walked out of the station.

____

A/N: so I guess Manu's "revenge" was pretty satisfying, wasn't it? I told you guys I wouldn't turn him into a bad guy, and idk to me he had all the right to call reader that way and he could've done it even worse but I guess he's just a good guy after all. And then he had a little help from destiny and now we gotta wait and see what happens next!!! Tell me what you guys think of this chapter besties ❤️

[serotoninzo]

to anyone who was a fan of wilbur or liked lovejoys music, here are some recommendations!!!!

(i must warn you that my music taste leans more towards rock/alt but i still have a lot of indie as well)

-wallows

-djo (it's actually great, not just the tiktok song)

-TopLady (my personal fav is Green Light Red Light)

-bikini kill, my beloved.

-current joys

-dayglow

-beabadoobee! (specifically her song, 'talk')

-gorillaz

-tame impala (i think their music is cool)

-brent faiyaz

-miguel

-the beaches (their song blame brett is addicting, for me at least.)

-ezra furman (mainly their song, lilac and black)

-the runaways

-CROWDED HOUSE 🙏🙏

-HOT FLASH HEAT WAVE (THEIR SONG HESITATION IS SOOOOOO 😩)

-yot club!

-peter bjorn & john (their song young folks is good, you might have heard it in gossip girls ep1, s1)

-empire of the sun (i recommend their song we are the people)

-wolf alice! (don't delete the kisses is popular, i think)

-song telephones by VACATIONS

-vance joy

-the drums (especially their song 'money', it reminds me of yot club)

-carwash (their song striptease is sososososososo good 😊)

-slowdive

-pinegrove [i think this one is controversial but i can't remember:( ]

-no buses by artic monkeys (this is a classic/popular band, you probably already listen to them)

-MICKEY DARLING (recommend their song im just a buzzkill and big sad)

-ladyhawke (mainly their song 'my delirium', i must warn that this artist is under the genre pop, just incase if you aren't looking for that)

-JAWNY (if you don't know who that is, one song that is well known is, 'trigger of love'.)

-WILLIS (i like their song, 'i think i like when it rains)

-Cottonwood Firing Squad (personal fav song of theirs: hospital beach)

-the daughters of eve (a classic, especially the song 'hey lover')

-fall out boy (i love them ❤️)

-EYEDRESS (i believe their song 'jealousy' is popular)

-Dream, Ivory. (i have so many favs of theirs but my no.1 is their song 'welcome and goodbye.')

-dr.dog (this is a rock band, their song, 'where'd all the time go' is popular, especially among the outer banks fandom.)

-cocteau twins (their song cherry coloured funk is a must)

-cherry by chromatics

-boygenius!!!

-big thief

-big black car by gregory alan isakov (this is folk not indie but it's still good)

-awfultune! (popular songs of theirs would be i met sarah in the bathroom but i also recommend their song redesign.)

-milky chance (their no1 hit was stolen dance)

you could also listen to the neighbourhood but less known songs (fallen star, jealou$y, etc.)

sorry if majority of these are rock/alternative, i have a variety of music genres i listen to but rock happens to be my number 1.

you might not like these recommendations but hopefully they give you an idea of what to look for.

anyway, sending lots of love and support to shelby and wilbur soot's close friends, i can't imagine what it must be like to discover someone who was a big brother, etc to you was so horrible to his own girlfriend. genuinely disgusting.

i will forever miss wilbur soot but i will not miss william gold.

i will miss the times when he'd play geoguessr or when he'd make silly jokes but i will not miss him being a literal abuser, groomer, etc.

i don't wish death on him however.

i hope he learns his lesson. i also hope he takes actual accountability, instead of whatever that shit 'apology' was. it literally overtook colleen ballinger's ukelele apology ffs 🤦‍♀️

[thousandfireworks]

Authors whose books you have to avoid because they are problematic.

Abigail Hing Wen.

Alex Aster.

Alice Hoffman.

Alice Oseman.

Alison Win Scotch. ‘Terrorism is never acceptable. Not in Israel.’

Allie Sarah.

Amber Kelly.

Amy Harmon.

Annabelle Monaghan.

Anna Akana.

Aurora Parker.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz.

Brandon Sanderson. Islamophobic.

Carissa Broadbent. Said that hamas is doing violence against innocence.

Chloe Walsh. Siding with Israel in the name of humanity.

Christina Lauren. Believe that Israel is the victim. A racist, also Islamophobic.

Colleen Hoover.

Cora Reilly. Travel to Israel despite criticism.

Danielle Bernstein. Islamophobic.

Danielle Lori.

Deke Moulton. Said hamas is terrorist.

Dian Purnomo.

Eliza Chan.

Elle Kennedy.

Elyssa Friedland.

Emily Henry.

Emily Mclntire.

Emily St. J. Mandel. Admiring Israel.

Gabrielle Zevin. Wrote a book about anti-Palestine. Mentioned Israel multiple times without context on his book.

Gregory Carlos. Israeli author. A zionist.

Hannah Whitten.

Hazel Hayes. Reposted a post about October 7th.

Heidi Shertok.

Jamie McGuire.

Jay Shetty. ‘Violence is happening in Israel.’

Jean Meltzer.

Jeffery Archer. Wrote a book with a mc Israel operative (mossad) in a positive and anti terrorist light.

Jennifer Hartman. Liked a post about pro-Israel.

Jen Calonita.

Jessa Hastings.

Jill Santopolo. Said that Israel has right to exist and fight back.

John Green.

Jojo Moyes.

J. Elle.

J. K. Rowling. Support genocide. Racist. Islamophobic.

Kate Canterbery.

Kate Stewart.

Katherine Howe.

Katherine Locke.

Kristin Hannah. Support Israel. Shared a donation link.

Laini Taylor.

Laura Thalassa. Islamophobic.

Lauren Wise. Cussed that Palestinian supporters would be raped in front of children.

Lea Geller. Thanked people who supports Israel.

Leigh Stein.

Lilian Harris. A racist. Blocking people who educates about colonialism in Palestine and call them disgusting.

Lisa Barr. A daughter of Holocaust survivor. Support Israel.

Lisa Kennedy Montgomery.

Lisa Steinke.

Liz Fenton.

Lynn Painter. Afraid of getting cancelled as a pro-Palestine and posted a template afterwards.

L. J. Shen. Her husband joins idf (Israel army).

Mariana Zapata.

Marie Lu.

Marissa Meyer.

Melissa de la Cruz.

Michelle Cohen Corasanti.

Michelle Hodkin. Spread false rumors about arab-hamas. Islamophobic.

Mitch Albom. ‘We shouldn't blame Israel for surviving attacks or defending against them.’

Monica Murphy. Siding with Israel.

Naomi Klein.

Navah Wolfe.

Neil Gaiman. Suggested Palestinians unite with Israel and become citizens.

Nicholas Sparks.

Nic Stone. Talked nonsense that children in Palestinian refugee camp are training to be martyrs for Allah because they felt it was their call in life.

Nyla K.

Olivia Wildenstein. Blocking people who disagree with Israel wrongdoing.

Pamela Becker.

Penelope Douglas.

Pierce Brown.

Rachel Lynn Solomon.

Rebecca G. Martinez.

Rebecca Yarros. ‘I despise violence’ her opinion about what's happening in Gaza. Blocking people who calls her a zionist.

Rena Rossner.

Renee Ahdieh.

Rick Riordan.

Rina Kent.

Rivka (noctem.novelle).

Rochelle Weinstein.

Romina Garber. ‘These terrorist attacks do nothing to improve the lives of Palestinians people.’

Roshani Chokshi. Encourage people to donate to Israel.

Samantha Greene Woodruff.

Sarah J. Mass. Her book contained ideology of zionism.

Stephanie Garber. Promoting books by zionist author (Sarah J. Mass)

Skye Warren.

Sonali Dev.

Talia Carner.

Tarryn Fisher. Said ‘there was terrorist attack in Israel.’

Taylor Jenkins Reid. Posted a video about genocide.

Tere Liye. Rumoured to have ghoswriters to write his books and never give credit to them.

Tillie Cole.

Tracy Deon.

Trinity Traveler (Ade Perucha Hutagaol). Rumour to wrote book about handsome Israelis.

T. J. Klune.

Uri Kurlianchik.

Veronica Roth.

Victoria Aveyard. ‘Israel has the right to exist.’ quote from her about the issue.

V. E. Schwab. Shared a donation link and video about Israel.

Yuval Noah. ‘Israel has the right to do anything to defend themselves.’

Zibby Owens.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

TBH, I don't consider reducing/hiding scars a minor pet peeve at all. Activists for facial differences have been talking for years about 'disfigurement' being used as shorthand for moral failings. I could blame wanting to lighten the burden on makeup artists, but there's never any hesitation to make villains scarred. It's only if the character is meant to be sexy or heroic that their scars get toned down or removed.

DEFINITELY!

I think there are many aspects to this, the biggest one being the one you mentioned, this dynamic of villain = scarred, hero = not scarred.

And another thing that I hate about it is how especially in adaptions they take a facial difference and make it much smaller, less visible, move it etc. - and then try to pull off the same narrative about this character being perceived as not conventionally attractive. Which immediately becomes incredibly condescending and makes it even worse, especially when they choose a conventionally good-looking character to play that role.

An example:

He is supposed to look "monstrous" - like bro, what does that make the rest of us?

(And just to make the dehumanisation of people with facial differences more obvious: In the source material, this guy had half-lion features)

Another aspect I can think of is the fetishisation of self-hatred in this regard. It is portrayed as "good" when a character with a facial difference (especially a woman, in these tropes) puts herself down - but then in swoops a love-interest to tell how beautiful they are. Meanwhile, a character with a facial difference or something similiar who - for themselves - says: "Hey, actually I like the way I look" - is treated as arrogant and the butt-end of the joke. (There is this Colleen Hoover book I'm thinking of here, as one example, that in my defence I only watched a pretty scathing review of)

But I also think that there are some racial aspects and gender aspects to this. There are probably a lot of people more qualified to talk about these racial aspects of this and maybe I am imagining things or don't see the full scope of it but I definitely feel like they feel far more comfortable doing this "villains have scars" thing with characters of colour - at least relative to the amount of representation characters of colour get to begin with. And it feels like...well, again, I'm not the best person to put this into words but since it usually goes hand in hand with the villain-trope, it feels like an effort to dial up the othering, especially in older shows and movies that use stuff like rituals or something for shock value. To make other races or cultures look sCaRy and DifFeReNt.

Or - just the first example that comes to my mind: The original mirror-verse episode of Star Trek. The reason I'm mentioning this is because it is a piece of media where you can see side-by-side which visual cues writers settled on to make our characters look "evil": One is dialling up the sexy - especially with the women who are all much more horny - another is giving mirror!Sulu a big facial scar. And on the surface level, the reasoning even makes sense - that world is a lot more brutal so it makes sense that someone would have scars. But for one, there is the interesting choice to make Sulu the character to give it to. Not to mention: Our "normal"-verse characters also see fights and injuries. They could have scars very reasonably. Star Trek is all about inclusivity - but there is a notable absence of e.g. scarring of visible body differences in the original show - they even used body doubles and selective shots to hide James Doohan's missing finger. But the moment we go into an "evil" universe, there is facial difference and it is on the body of a man of colour.

And then you have the issue that female characters must not have visible scars in most cases - because they have to be eye-candy for the audience. And considering the huge pressure that is already placed on women to be beautiful, it feels like another body standard in the media ("we will show women suffering in all shapes all the time to the point of being exploitative, but also they heal back perfectly and don't appear changed at all. So the audience gets to eat their misogyny cake and eat it too.) Meanwhile, some male hero characters (usually action heroes, video game heroes) do get to have scars or some facial difference to show their "journey" and how much they hardened and what they survived - which I think can be a positive message - "hey, your scars talk about what you went through and what you survived and that you're a badass!" - but women get this to a much smaller degree despite having extra tons of pressure placed upon them to look beautiful so it feels really cool (also - referring back to my first point, self-empowerment is also treated as negative and almost egomanical because informing a woman that she is beautiful is a man's job)

(An example: I watched a a Netflix adaption of a book I had read recently and in the book, two major female characters have an identical scar on their face and that is pretty relevant to the story - and they just decide to place in the palms of her hands instead where it is much less visible and the scenario behind the first woman's injury becomes a lot less believable than the one in the novel)

And the thing is, I don't even always buy that it to save on make-up or effects in a lot of cases because often they are productions that have tons of budget for other things and a lot of movies and shows can show their characters for half the episode/movie with scrapes on their face and blood on their face etc. I have a hard time believing that this is so much harder to do than a scar.

[livelaughwhump]

Worthless - Part 18

Masterlist | Previous

Content: strong language, brief mention of past captivity, brief mention of past abuse, brief mention of past noncon, self-hatred, self-deprecation, former pet whumpee

If I forgot any content warnings, please let me know

-

Landon woke up to the sound of his text tone. It was a sharp ringing sound directly beside his ear, and it made him jerk in surprise and sit straight up. After a few seconds of catching his breath and gathering his bearings, Landon grumbled and lay back down in order to go back to sleep.

Then, he heard the sound again. And again. And one more time, for good measure. Landon groaned and turned onto his side to peer at his phone screen. His eyes were watering as he gazed at the bright screen. The digital clock read 12:42, but Landon hardly paid it any mind. He would've slept much longer if he'd been given the chance.

The text messages were all from the same sender, his little sister, Colleen. Seeing this, Landon's heart rate skyrocketed. It wasn't like the two didn't speak often, but it wasn't like Colleen to send more than one text at a time, unless it was important. Landon just hoped it wasn't about what he suspected it was.

However, as Landon read the texts, the anxiety in his stomach calmed, but only for a moment.

Hey, L! Remember that time you promised to introduce me to your mysterious team? Well, that was over a year ago. Soooo, I've taken the initiative, and I'm on my way over. See you in half an hour!

The next couple texts read,

You better not still be sleeping

I swear to God, Landon, if you're asleep by the time I get there, I'm gonna lose my shit

Landon Jackson Copeland!!!

Landon's stomach dropped. He had intended for Colleen to meet his friends so long ago, but that was before Elliot had been kidnapped. Since then, she'd asked more times than he could count, but he'd had to turn her down every time. Only a few weeks after Elliot had been rescued was not at all a good time to introduce his sister.

Landon quickly sat up, cursing under his breath. "Shit, shit, shit." He clicked on Colleen's name and held the phone to his ear.

She answered on the first ring.

"Good, you're not asleep," she giggled.

Landon wasn't laughing. "Coll, listen to me, now is really not a good time."

"Because of your so-called 'emergency'? It's been over a year, Landon!"

"Because it's really bad! A member of our team is going through something really serious right now, and he can't have any distractions. I'm begging you to go back home. Now is a really bad time."

"It's too late, Landon," Colleen said. "I'm not driving two and a half hours back home when I'm twenty minutes away from you."

Landon dragged a hand down the side of his face. "Colleen, I'm serious."

"So am I. I haven't seen you in over a year. Sure, we talk every day, but it's not the same. You need to be with your family as much as I do. I'm sure your team will understand."

Landon scrambled to his feet and began slipping on a pair of pants that had been discarded on the floor. He kept his phone wedged between his cheek and shoulder to keep it close to his ear. "Can't you do this one thing for me, as my little sister?"

Even though he couldn't see her, Landon could tell she was rolling her eyes. "Come on, Landon. How bad could this 'emergency' possibly be?"

Landon quickly put her on speaker as he slipped a red t-shirt over his red. "Bad enough to last more than a year."

"Well, I can't wait to hear all about it when I get there. See you soon, bye!"

"Colleen...!" She had already hung up.

Landon was panicking. To say that Elliot was doing better wasn't untrue, but he was nowhere near ready to interact with people outside of the team yet. How was Landon supposed to explain to everyone that his stubborn little sister was on her way over? What would Lyra and Karine say about it? Surely, they were going to blame him. What other possibility was there?

After pulling on a pair of socks and shoes, Landon burst from his room in search of the rest of the team.

Elliot was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a soft blanket, with his new art kit open on the coffee table in front of him. He'd hardly put it down since Lyra had gifted it to him, and it seemed to improve his mood exponentially. At the very least, it gave him something to focus on, and something to distract him from the panicked discussions the rest of the team had been having about the pictures they'd received from Elliot's kidnapper.

Lyra was sat beside Elliot, fast asleep and snoring loudly. Broderick was playing some kind of video game, and Karine was writing something in a notebook on her lap. A delicious smell wafted in from the kitchen, so Landon could only assume that Yvonne was in the process of making lunch.

Landon's loud footsteps alerted Karine and Broderick, who looked up from their activities in order to meet his gaze. Karine smirked. "'Bout time you woke up. I was starting to think you had somehow drunk yourself into an early grave." Broderick chuckled, but Landon still wasn't laughing.

Landon rolled his eyes. "Funny. Anyway, Karine, I need to talk to you. We have a...situation."

This seemed to strike Karine. Her amused smile disappeared, she hopped up from her chair, and approached him. "How serious?" she asked as she grabbed him by the arm and steered him into the hallway, out of earshot.

"I'm not sure," Landon said. "Remember my sister, Colleen?"

Karine wore a mask of suspicion. "Yes?"

"Well...she's on her way over."

Karine's eyes nearly popped out of her skull. "What?" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do! She's been trying to get me to introduce her to the team since I joined!"

Karine glanced in the direction of the living room and lowered her voice, "Landon, Elliot is not ready to meet a stranger, least of all someone related to you."

Landon rolled his eyes. "Cool it with the insults, would you? This is serious. There's nothing I can do. I tried calling her, but she's already driven two and a half hours to come here, and she refuses to turn back now."

Karine sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "How far away is she?"

"About twenty minutes."

Karine threw her hands into the air in exasperation. "Fucking hell. All right, we'll have to warn the team and figure out what to do about Elliot. When she gets here, you're going to meet her at the door and try one more time to see if she'll change her mind."

Landon pursed his lips. "Whatever you say, but I wouldn't put much faith into that plan."

Karine glared at him. "I'm just trying to cover all our bases here, Landon. Let me think, and feel free to chip in, if you feel like being useful for once."

Landon rolled his eyes. "Would it help if Elliot stayed in his room the whole time? Lyra could stay with him."

Karine shook her head. "We can't confine him to his room. He'll think we're hiding him because we're ashamed of him." Karine dragged both of her hands down her face. "How long is she planning to stay?"

"I'm not sure," Landon admitted. "I didn't ask."

Karine sighed in exasperation. "Great," she mumbled. "In that case, we'll warn the team, see how Elliot feels, and then figure out what to do once she gets here."

Landon nodded. "Okay. I assume you want me to tell the team?"

Karine shrugged. "She is your sister."

Landon rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He rounded the corner and entered the living room. During his conversation with Karine, Yvonne had joined the rest of the team and Lyra had woken up. Now, Elliot was in the middle of hiding his drawing from Lyra's eyes, while Broderick was explaining the game he was playing to Yvonne. Landon sighed. "Guys?" All eyes turned to him. Elliot yelped in surprise and curled up to Lyra, but quickly relaxed when his mind caught up with the situation. "We, uh, we have a situation."

Lyra's eyes narrowed. "What kind of situation?" They asked.

"It's not a really serious one. It's just, um...my sister is on her way over."

Elliot's face went white. Lyra's grip tightened around him and they whispered reassuring words into his ears.

Karine appeared behind Landon with her arms crossed over her chest. "We've probably got about fifteen minutes before she gets here."

Elliot's breathing ceased and Lyra gently rubbed his back. Guilt swelled in Landon's stomach as he watched Elliot dissolve into a mini panic attack. His shoulders were shaking and tears started to fill his eyes. The sight was heartbreaking. Luckily, Lyra was able to guide him out of it pretty quickly.

"You're okay," Lyra whispered. "There's nothing to be afraid of. You didn't do anything wrong. Just breathe."

Elliot followed Lyra's breathing until he started to calm down, but he didn't look any less panicked. "I'm s-sorry," he mumbled. Lyra tried to reassure him, but it didn't seem like he believed any of it.

Broderick look at Landon and gestured to Elliot. "Are you sure that's a good idea, given the circumstances?"

Landon shook his head. "I couldn't change her mind. Karine just wanted me to warn everyone and to see how Elliot feels about it."

All eyes turned to the shaking boy on the couch, who flinched under the weight of their gazes. Lyra hugged him close and glared at Landon. "How do you think he feels about it?"

Karine approached Elliot and kneeled in front of the couch. "What would you like to do, Elliot? You don't have to meet her if you don't want to."

. . .

Elliot's mind was racing. He'd almost forgotten that people existed outside of the safehouse. The safehouse was just as the name implied; it was safe. It was warm and comforting and predictable. Nothing ever changed. Elliot knew everyone that lived there and they knew him. How was he supposed to deal with a stranger coming in? What would they think of him?

It took him several moments to realize he'd been asked a question.

Elliot sniffled. "I-I will d-do as I'm t-told."

Apparently, that was the wrong answer. Karine sighed and the expression she wore was unsatisfied. "Would it help if I gave you some options?"

Elliot didn't know the answer to that. He looked at Landon. "I-I will d-do whatever L-Landon w-wants me to. If-If he wants me to-to meet his-his sister, then-then I will. If he w-wants me to-to leave, then..." He turned his sad eyes down to his lap. "Then I'll leave. I-I understand if-if you're embarrassed by me."

Landon frantically shook his head. "I'm not embarrassed by you. I'd love for you to meet Colleen, but only if you're comfortable with it. She can be very stubborn and brutally honest, but she means well."

Karine scoffed. "Sounds familiar," she mumbled.

Landon ignored her. "I don't want to make you do anything you're not comfortable with."

Elliot was conflicted. He wanted to make Landon happy, but he just didn't know if he was ready. "Do-Do you think she'd like me?" He mumbled.

"She'd love you!" Landon exclaimed. "Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. But if you're not comfortable with it, you don't have to meet her. It's totally up to you."

Elliot nervously picked at the skin around his nails. "I-I wanna try."

Lyra rubbed his back. "Are you sure, sunshine? You don't have to."

Elliot nodded. "I w-wanna try," he repeated.

Karine smiled. "That's very brave of you, Elliot. And if you get too overwhelmed, I'm sure Lyra would be happy to stay with you in your room. Right, Lye?"

Lyra nodded. "Of course. I'm very proud of you for trying, but I don't want you to force yourself. I'll help you out of there the second you get uncomfortable, okay?"

Elliot nodded again. "O-Okay. Th-Thank you, L-Lyra."

Lyra smiled and gently combed his hair with her fingers. "Anytime, sunshine."

The room froze when the sound of knocking filled the air. Elliot's face went white and Lyra wrapped their arms around him.

Karine looked at Landon and nodded in the direction of the door. "You know what to do."

Landon rolled his eyes and approached the door. "This isn't gonna work."

"Just try," Karine urged.

Landon sighed and pulled the front door open.

. . .

Seeing his little sister on the other side of the door was bittersweet for Landon. It had been almost two years since he'd seen her, but there was also the matter of Elliot. Still, it was nice to see her smiling face again.

Colleen was grinning from ear to ear, her bright green eyes shining with joy. "Landon!" She exclaimed as she practically tackled her brother in a massive hug.

Landon grunted and stumbled backwards, laughing. "Uh, hey, Coll." He glanced back into the living room. Elliot was still lightly wrapped in Lyra's arms. "Can we talk outside for a minute?"

Colleen let go of him and gave him a skeptical look. "Okay?"

Landon led her onto the porch and sighed as he closed the door behind them. He looked over at her with a tired expression.

Colleen raised a brow. "You okay, L?" Landon didn't know how to answer that.

Landon sighed again and gave a small smile. "It's nice to see you, Colleen."

Colleen's smile returned and she wrapped him in another hug, which nearly cut off his air supply. "God, it's been forever. How are you? What's been going on? Tell me everything!"

"Later," Landon said as he released her from the hug. He shoved his hands into the front pocket of his jeans and smiled. "So, how are the kids? Or, I guess I should ask, where are the kids?" Landon chuckled.

Colleen smiled. "They're great. They're staying with Andrey this weekend while I work to get the divorce finalized. I just got back from grabbing the paperwork, and we decided that we'll sign it together when I pick up the kids on Monday."

Landon raised an eyebrow. "Damn, well...I wasn't gonna ask about that, but I'm glad its going well, I guess. How are the kids taking it?"

Colleen sighed, but her smile didn't falter. "A lot better than I expected, to be honest. Jamari was a little upset at first, but Kiernan was very brave and helped to calm him down quickly. Once we explained it to them, they both understood and they're doing a lot better now."

Landon smiled. "Damn, Kier is more mature than I was at age seven."

Colleen laughed. "She's more mature than you are now."

Landon rolled his eyes. "I guess that's fair. Um..." He needed to try to do as Karine had asked, but the thought was too daunting. No matter how he phrased it, there was no way Colleen was going to take it well.

Colleen nodded. "Yeah?"

Landon didn't know how to say it. It was so nice talking to his sister face-to-face and he didnt want to ruin it by trying to kick her out. He sighed again. "I'm sorry, but...you shouldn't be here, Colleen."

Colleen's smile died. "What?"

Landon shook his head. "I wish I could explain it to you, but..."

"Well, you're gonna have to," Colleen exclaimed, folding her arms over her chest. "I just drove three hours to get here, Landon. I'm not leaving now, especially not without an explanation."

Landon dragged a hand down the side of his face. He didn't know what to say. "Look, I want you here. I really do, but something really bad happened to the team, and we're in a bit of a recovery period. That's all I can say."

Colleen shook her head. "That's not good enough. Why don't you want me here?"

"I do!" Landon exclaimed. "But things are complicated."

"Complicated how?" She asked. Landon didn't know what to say. "You can trust me, Landon. Whatever it is, I can help."

"No, you can't, and that's the problem. None of us can. This is something that just takes time, and you being here won't make it any easier," Landon said.

Colleen didn't say anything to that. After spending a few long moments staring at him as he paced the porch, Colleen released a heavy sigh. "Landon, please. I'm your sister. You've been with me through my rough times, of which there have been many." Landon looked up at her. "So, let me be here for you. I promise, I can help if you'll just let me. Just tell me what's going on."

Landon's shoulders heaved when he exhaled. "Fine," he said. "One of our team members was kidnapped last year." Colleen gasped, but Landon didn't look at her. "He was tortured and dehumanized and...and sexually abused." Landon took a moment to breathe. It was never easy recounting what had happened to Elliot. "When we rescued him, he was nothing like the person we remembered. He was quiet and frightened and-and so, so skinny. He would only move around by crawling across the floor like a dog, and-and he wouldn't eat." Landon had to try hard not to cry. "He's only been back for a few weeks, and-and we've only just gotten him to start eating again. That's why I didn't think it was a good idea for you to come. He hasn't interacted with anyone outside of this house since we rescued him."

Colleen was awestruck. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. Of all the things Landon could've said, she clearly wasn't expecting that. Landon pursed his lips and shrugged. "Any questions?"

Colleen glanced at the door behind Landon before fixing her gaze back on her brother. "What's his name?"

"Elliot," Landon answered. "He's twenty-two."

Colleen nodded. "I remember you telling me about him when you first joined; how you thought he was a kid at first." Landon nodded, smiling slightly at the memory. "You told me how funny and loud he was. You said he was the human equivalent of a ray of sunshine." Landon's expression turned sad once more. He nodded again. Colleen was silent for a moment. She scratched the back of her head, completely unsure of what to do. "Does he know I'm here?"

Landon nodded. "I told everyone just before you showed up. I wanted to know his thoughts on it and what he wanted to do about it."

"And?"

Landon shrugged. "He wanted to try to meet you; even though I told him that he didn't have to."

Colleen clamped a hand over her forehead and sighed. "Oh god," she mumbled. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it wasn't a good idea for me to come here."

Landon nodded. "Would've saved you a long drive and a lot of trouble if you had just listened to me when I told you we had an emergency."

Colleen ignored him. "Does his family know?"

Landon's face fell. "We are his family."

Colleen nodded. "No, I know, but I mean like his parents and siblings, if he has any. Do they know?"

Landon sighed and rubbed at the growing headache behind his eyes. "Colleen, this team, the five of us, we are his family. We're all he has."

Colleen's eyes widened. "That's so awful. That poor boy." She covered her mouth with her hand as tears flooded her eyes. "But-But maybe that's how I can help. I'm a mom; I'm naturally nurturing."

"Coll-"

"How am I supposed to leave now, knowing what all of you are dealing with? I can help."

"By doing what?"

"I don't know yet, but I want to help." Landon was silent. "Please, Landon."

Landon sighed in defeat. "Fine. Come inside and we can talk to the team about it, okay?"

Colleen's wide smile returned. "Okay."

As Landon pushed the door open, he wasn't surprised to see Karine's disappointed expression. He shrugged and looked at her in a way that said I tried.

Karine's face quickly shifted into a welcoming smile, but anyone that knew her could tell that it was forced. She, along with most of the team, approached the door to greet Colleen, but Lyra remained on the couch with Elliot. They whispered something into his ear, to which he responded by shaking his head.

Colleen smiled as she stepped through the door. Landon couldn't help but glance between his sister and the top of Elliot's head over the back of the couch. The rest of him was buried in Lyra's arms.

Karine stepped forward and held out a hand to Colleen. "You must be Landon's sister. I'm Karine."

Colleen quickly shook her hand. "Colleen. It's very nice to meet you." She giggled. "It's also a long time coming."

Karine nodded. "Agreed, but we've had a bit of a situation we've been dealing with for a while. I'm sure Landon's mentioned it to you."

Colleen nodded. "He told me all about it."

Karine glanced at Landon with an unreadable expression before she gestured to Broderick and Yvonne. "This is Yvonne and Broderick, our researcher and medic."

Colleen shook each of their hands with a large grin on her face. "It's nice to meet both of you."

Yvonne smiled back. "You as well. We've heard a lot about you. It's incredible how close you and Landon are."

Colleen nodded. "We've always been close. I had some tough times growing up, but he was always there for me." She glanced at Landon and gently nudged him with her elbow. "I couldn't ask for a better big brother."

Landon rolled his eyes. "Oh please. Don't compliment me. It doesn't sound right coming out of your mouth." Both Landon and Colleen laughed.

. . .

Elliot listened to Landon introduce his sister to the team. As much as he wanted to join them, to do what Landon wanted him to, he couldn't move.

Lyra rocked him back and forth and whispered, "You don't have to do this. We can always hide out in your room or mine, if you want. Don't push yourself."

Elliot shook his head. "I-I can d-do it," he whispered. "I can b-be good."

Lyra smiled sadly. "Okay, sunshine. Would you like me to go with you?" Elliot nodded without hesitation. Lyra gently rubbed his back. "Okay. Don't worry, I've got you."

Lyra helped both of them off of the couch and started to lead Elliot toward the group by the door. The movement caught their attention and Elliot felt the weight of everyone's eyes bore into him. He whimpered quietly as Lyra squeezed his hand.

Lyra smiled as they reached the door. They stuck their hand out and said, "I'm Lyra, the team caretaker. I've heard a lot about you."

Landon's sister gently shook Lyra's hand and said, "I'm Colleen. It's so nice to meet you." She glanced down at Elliot, who was still protectively wrapped in Lyra's embrace. "And you must be Elliot," she said. "I'm Colleen." The woman quickly stuck her hand out for Elliot to take. He didn't take it, though. Instead, he flinched away and clung to Lyra desperately.

Colleen's smile disappeared and she quickly retracted her hand. "Oh, I'm so sorry, honey. I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to shake your hand. Landon's told me a lot about you."

Elliot didn't know what that meant. What had Landon told her?

Elliot squeaked and buried his face in Lyra's shoulder.

Colleen frowned. "All good things, I promise. He's very proud of you."

Elliot glanced up at her when she said that. Actually looking at her face was odd. She looked very similar to Landon, but with more feminine features. She had long blonde hair and kind green eyes. She wasn't as tall as Landon, but Elliot could tell she was taller than anyone else on the team. She wore a sweet smile and the tension in Elliot's shoulders started to relax, slightly.

Elliot's mouth was bone-dry, but he forced himself to speak, "H-Hello." It was barely more than a squeak, but Colleen's smile grew when he said it.

"Hello, dear. It's very nice to meet you."

"N-Nice to m-meet you t-too," Elliot forced out. Lyra rubbed his arm encouragingly. He felt pathetic. The old him had no trouble talking to strangers.

Pathetic. This is why stupid dogs shouldn't try to act human. All you're doing is reminding everyone how utterly useless you are.

Colleen glanced at Landon, who's face was a mask of sadness and pity. Elliot wondered what he'd done wrong. He thought he was being polite, but maybe Colleen was put off by how clearly broken he was. Elliot's eyes grew misty, but he forced himself to push back the urge to cry.

Go on and cry, you fucking mutt. It's what they've come to expect from you. It's the only thing you're good at. Show them how pathetic you are.

Elliot squeaked as he fought to hold back the flood of tears threatening to overcome him. His face grew red-hot as the weight of everyone's eyes fell upon him.

"Everything okay, hun?" Colleen asked, genuine concern painting her words.

Lyra rubbed Elliot's back and shoulder. "Are you okay, sunshine? Do you need to step out?"

Elliot couldn't bring himself to speak. He desperately tried to hold back the tears that threatened to push him over the edge. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just talk to Colleen like any normal human? Why couldn't he do anything he was told?

Colleen leaned over a bit so her face was level with Elliot's. "If you need some time alone, hun, that's totally okay. I completely understand. Please don't push yourself."

Lyra squeezed Elliot's shoulder. "Come on, sunshine. Let's get you to your room."

Elliot wanted to argue. He wanted to say that he could do as he was told, that he could be good, but it was too hard. He did need some time alone, but he didn't want to displease anyone. So, he simply nodded and let Lyra gently guide him to his room with a hand on his back.

-

Colleen Copeland has finally made an appearance! I've been looking forward to adding her in for so long and I'm so excited that she's finally been introduced! I thoroughly enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you like my newest character! (I will be adding her backstory onto the character backstory link on the masterlist)

Taglist:

@l-antre-des-merveilles @pigeonwhumps @nicolepascaline @burningkittypoet @whumpinggrounds @suffering-and-misery @make-them-scream-blog @honeycollectswhump @rabass @whumpdreamz @clairelsonao3 @rosewriteswhump @cepheusgalaxy @pinkraindropsfell @mj-or-say10 @considerablecolors @whatamidoingherehelpme

If anyone wants to be added to or removed from the taglist, please let me know!😊

[mytypeofdrugs]

is it just me or has the quality of books have gotten so bad it’s almost comical?

don’t get me wrong i’m sure there’s a lot of great authors out there, and even some of the more recently released books are pretty good! but in reality, i can’t name a good book that came out in the past year. it’s as if all the books dominating the market are all the same repetitive cliché bullshit. personally, i don’t classify myself as a ‘romance reader’ ‘spicy reader’…

(ill be real, i read whatever grabs my attention. albeit a thriller, romance, comedy you name it.)

honestly my main issue is with the romance genre. mainly ana huang, ali hazel wood, monica murphy, and almost every single dark romance. (don’t get me even started on colleen hoover 💀 )

i’m going to save you some time and summarise what (some) people’s issue is with dark romance. (+ colleen hoover) usually it’s just uncomfortable and romanticizes disgusting shit such as r*pe, p*dophilla, gr**ming, and/ or disturbing/ extreme kinks.

1. Romanticizing fetishes/insane/creepy behavior

now onto ana huang, ali hazelwood, and monica murphy. people always say “omg men written by women” but i do not understand the hype about the men these women created?? obviously i’m not putting these talented people down whatsoever!

But..

the twisted series had the most ridiculous fucking plot but the tropes were nice, the love hypothesis felt like a fanfiction (which it actually was, so i’m not going to say anything about that) but it wasn’t exactly bad, just felt like it was a fanfiction. A million kisses in your lifetime was sorta creepy, the mmc kinda gr*ped the fmc but it was brushed off as “sexual tension” and the daddy-daughter relationship was straight creepy.

2. Repetitive stories, nearly all the same plot, characters, writing style

It’s as if all romance books are just all rewritten versions of the same plot, using the same tropes and the same personalities?

i mean the sunshine x grumpy is cute and all but GODS does the male character always have to be the dark brooding one who’s only soft for the fmc, who’s small and naive and acts like a kid?

if you’re going to use a trope atleast make it unique? make the plot, characters and the story YOURS.

It’s like literature doesn’t exist, it’s like reading straight wattpad in a book form. what happened???

3. requirement for spice/ unnecessary plot points

OH MY GOD. i’m not even blaming authors for the spice things, rather booktok and bookstagram. oh my goodness the requirement for spice in every book even when it’s main genre isnt romance is ridiculous. some people won’t read a book if it doesn’t have SPICE!? it’s ok to like it, but it’s so annoying when i see YA novels have it?

!! sex should not be in a YA novel. !!

along with the weird spice demands, it’s also another thing that sometimes there’s unnecessary plot points / scenes just to make a trope work. like having a character act out of character just to make a scene out of it.

i’m currently in a book slump because i can’t seem to find a good book to read. my expectations are so low you’d probably have to dig underground.