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#i can do them tomorrow... yea.. tomorrow.........
luke-hughes43 · 21 hours
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surprise | luke and stella
this takes place like barely 2 months into them dating. and is really cute bc they are both still in that awkward phase.
~
stella's pov
so for columbus day weekend, i'm heading to michigan for a tournament and a visit with the softball program too. i was hoping to get to see luke but the timing of my games, his games, and then going to ann arbor, it just isn't working out.
but that's ok. i'm coming out for thanksgiving to see him anyways.
mom is coming with me to michigan and ellen offered to pick us up. i take a quick nap on the plane because as soon as we land, we're heading to the field.
it is borderline too cold for softball so i have my under layers on. i'm playing centerfield and in the leadoff position. we have a double header tonight and then a double header tomorrow. so lots of softball. and then sunday will be play until you lose and then i have my michigan visit on monday.
i'm hoping to be able to surprise luke at his game tomorrow night but we'll see how i feel. anyways, the game starts and it's going good. i'm getting good hits and making the plays in the field.
i get up in the 5th inning and bunt to get on. then i get the steal sign and take off for second base. i slide into the base and my cleat gets caught in the base and my knee twists. i hold my knee while staying on the base and the umpire calls time.
i still haven't gotten up yet and so my coach comes running out, "what's wrong? are you ok?"
"i twisted my knee when my foot touched the base. i think i'm good, i just need a second." i say and get up to my knees. i finally stand and just walk around a little bit. i do a little jog and tell my coach, "i'm good coach. hurts but i'm good."
"are you sure? i can sub you out so that you're good for the next game." he double checks. I nod, "i'm good."
he nods and goes back to the dugout and i get set at the base. the game goes on and we win the first game 4-2. my knee hurts the rest of the first game and all of the second game but i power through.
in between games, i'm icing my knee and both bella and avery (my bestest friends in the whole world) come over to me. bella asks, "are you ok stella?"
i nod and say, "yea. just hurts a little bit but i'll be ok."
avery says, "ok." and they just sit with me while i ice my knee and we gossip about everything going on at school before we have to get ready for the second game.
the second game goes fine, we win 2-1 but my knee kills. as soon as i get back to the dugout i take my cleats off and put ice on my knee. we had the last game of the night so i don't rush to get out. i lay on the ground with my knee propped up on the bench and ice my knee.
after i don't even know how much time passes, my mom comes in to the dugout and says, "hey honey. how's the knee?"
"it hurts but i'll be fine." i say with my eyes closed.
"ok. do you need anything from me?" she asks. i shake my head and then she continues, "ok. well honey, please hurry up. you have someone who wants to see you. and i think coach is waiting for you."
i nod and finally get up. i'm confused as to who would be here to see me but she does have a point that coach probably wants to talk with the whole team there. i put my sneakers on and grab my bag to head over to the team huddle. as i leave the dugout, i hear what sounds like my boyfriend say, "hey there superstar."
i turn and make eye contact with luke. he's here. oh my fucking god he's here. oh my god. i run over and hug him. he holds me tightly and kisses my head. i say against his chest, "i've missed you."
"i've missed you too stella."
we both pull away form the hug just enough to kiss each other. i smile into the kiss and hold him tight to me, not wanting to let go. i hear my coach yell, "zegras, let's go! kiss your boyfriend on your own time!" the girls giggle and so do i. i peck his lips and he says, "go. i'll wait right here for you."
i nod and hobble over to the team. the girls are giggling and bella elbows me. i smile and nod and listen to coach debrief the game. to be honest, i'm not actually listening. the only thing on my mind is luke luke luke.
i zone back just in time to hear coach dismiss us. i go straight back over to luke and into his arms again. not only because i've missed him so much but it's also cold as fuck. while holding me, luke asks, "how's your knee baby?"
"i'm fine. it hurts a little bit but i'll be ok. nothing i can't handle." i say into his chest. after like a minute, he asks, "are the two girls who are looking here every 30 seconds bella and avery?"
"yea." i respond quietly. i turn and wave them over. i say to luke, "and now you're about to meet them. bella is a guard dog and avery is really shy."
he nods and they come over. i say to them, "bella and avery, this is luke my boyfriend. luke, this is bella and avery. my best friends."
avery says quietly, "it's nice to meet you." luke smiles at her and bella says, "nice to meet you luke."
"you guys too. stella talks a lot about you guys. really good things." he says with a smile. avery smiles but bella's face remains the same, she's not impressed. she's very protective of me. she says, "so how do you expect to make long distance work luke? i know it's hard and i'll be the one picking up the pieces if you break her heart."
"i don't plan on breaking her heart. i know it's hard but we text almost everyday, we call twice a week. and have some trips planned to see each other. i promise bella, i really like her and i really wanna make this work with her. whatever it takes."
"good. because i have a bat and i will fly to michigan to hit you with it if you break her heart." bella threatens. i giggle and luke nods, "understood. plus, her brother is best friends with mine. if i break her heart, trevor knows where i live and will kill me."
"fair enough. you're acceptable." bella says and winks at me. luke smiles and holds me tight. my mom walks over and says, "hey honey. i'm gonna meet up with ellen and catch up. you're welcome to come but i imagine that you wanna stay with luke. he's welcome to come to the hotel tonight but he can't stay over. i'll text you when i'm on my way back. do you guys need a ride?"
luke shakes his head, "no thanks mrs. zegras. i drove here so i can take her back, it's not a problem." she smiles and heads off. luke tights his arm that's around me and i say, "i think we should go soon because it's cold and my knee hurts."
luke smiles, "we will stel. bella, avery, it was great meeting you guys and i hope to get to see you guys again. i'm gonna get her back to the hotel to rest and i might see you tomorrow but i don't know yet."
they both nod and we walk off to luke's car. he opens the door and helps me in like a gentleman. he starts the car and hands me the aux cord. i start playing music and he makes the short drive to the hotel.
once we get there, we go up to the room and i all but collapse on my bed for the night. luke laughs, "comfy?"
"yes. but i need to shower and i want cuddles." i say into the pillow. he chuckles, "go shower. then we can cuddle and you can ice your knee."
i nod and take a quick shower. i quickly change and immediately get into bed with luke. he pulls me tight into him and i rest my head on his chest. i say in almost a whisper, "i wish we got to this more often."
"me too. i hate that our time is always so limited." he responds. he rubs my back softly and kisses my head. i wrap my arm around him and cuddle as close to him as i can. i say, "yea. but next year we'll be on the same campus and you'll be so much closer."
"i know. just have to get there." he says. i nod and we just lay together in the silence. i must've fallen asleep because i woke up the next morning to my alarm blaring and luke gone.
here's to another day of softball.
(thinking this deserves a part 2 no?)
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Too Many Beds - [Yandere!Reo x F!Reader]
Tw: Yandere, female reader, long hair, unestablished relationship, brief mentions of injury, suggestive (NO smut), swearing, cringe, etc.
[Bllk Oneshot Masterlist] [Bllk Headcannon Masterlist]
inspired by the reverse tropes
You sat on Reo’s bed, having been invited by the boy for a simple hangout to catch up since you missed class that day due to your leg injury.
“No wayyy seriously!?”
You looked at Reo with wide eyes and an excited smile as he told you about the fight that occurred early at school that morning
“Yea. There was blood everywheree, I think the girl got her nose broken… and she just got her nose job too!”
Reo laughed along with you, never losing focus on the happy glint in your eyes
It’s a shame you weren’t there to see it. Reo worked so hard to get the two to fight. So many hours he spent on call with the both of them, pressing lies and threats to get them both to snap at each other. He wished you could’ve seen it happen in front of your very eyes, his great masterpiece for the day. Would you be proud of him? Praise him? He wishes he could’ve found out. Oh well, there’s always next time.
“HA! Serves her right! She pushed me down the stairs yesterday!"
Reo nodded. He couldn’t agree more. The f[/]cking b[/]tch shouldn’t have even laid eyes on you. No one deserves that pleasure but him. And especially not someone like her. People who don’t acknowledge your grace don’t deserve to walk this earth.
But he also hated himself for not being there for you. He should’ve caught you in his arms, he should’ve never let you get injured. He'll kill the girl for doing something like that to you
Your phone rang; your mother was calling.
“Hm? Oh yea I’m doing good, having fun!”
Reo smiled. He was glad you were enjoying everything he so carefully set up. As you checked in with your mother, he also went through his own notifications, texting a few people.
“Ah, Reo, I think I should get going… It’s already 9pm after all”
WHAT. No- right now? Why? WHY? WHAT WAS HE DOING WRONG?
“Are you sure? It’s raining really badly outside…”
Reo glanced out the window. Rain droplets were flying at and crazy fast speed, loud ping-panging was heard both the roof (since you two were on the top floor) and the windows
“Was it always raining?”
Thank lord the assistants got the text in time. 
You tilted your head, covering your phone with your hand
“I uh- think so, we must’ve been to caught up in conversation lol…Actually- Why don’t you just stay the night? Tomorrows a weekend after all! Plus it wouldn’t be wise for you to go home this late. I just want you to be safe.”
You hesitated, before turning back to your phone, asking your mother if it’d be okay to stay over
“Honey, are you sure? Do you really trust this guy? Where are you going to sleep, do you have extra clothing, tooth brushes, towels, are you sure about this?”
Reo nodded frantically at you with a plastered smile
“We have multiple beds on this floor, a guest bathroom that comes with everything you’ll need, and extra clean clothes. I promise you’ll be safe with me.”
Reo spoke loudly, to make sure your mother picked up on what he said.
You relayed it to your mom, asking her again for permission. After a half minute, your face lit up and quickly threw out multiple thank-yous. You shot Reo a quick "👌" and he smiled as he put his hands together 
“Great! I’ll get everything setup then” 
He tried to keep his voice as stable as possible, but he felt like he was going to die from happiness.
Reo’s heart was beating out of his chest, he could feel his entire body pulse with excitement. You were staying the night, with him. Reo couldn’t stop smiling, he felt like rolling on the floor giggling with excitement, he was ready to die after this night for all he cared.
But he had to keep himself composed in front of you. He could freak out after you left.
“Do you need to shower? I can show you the way”
You nodded as you stood up, leaving your phone on his desk
“The guest bathroom is a bit far… My bathroom’s closer! Would you prefer that?” “Sure, I really don’t mind”
The guest bathroom was really only a room or two down from his.
Reo showed you the way, and grabbed a few of his T-shirts and shorts and handed them to you.
“Pick whatevers most comfortable with you! I hope you don’t mind wearing something that’s mine…” “It’s fine really. No need to be so uptight”
You smiled and waved it off
Reo nearly exploded. He burst into a smile as he tried to squash it down. You didn’t mind wearing something he wore. You didn’t mind. What if he gave you his hoodie? Would you wear that? Oh, he’d give you his skin if you so wanted.
As you showered, Reo headed back to his room. He sat down at the desk where your phone was. And with shaking hands, he picked up your phone and flipped it around in his hands.
You touch your phone everyday. We wished you’d touch him even once. Your fingertips tracing his jawline the same way they’d trace the edge of your phone. Poke his checks the same way you’d pressed the buttons. Decorate and dress him the same way you’d change your phone case and phone charm. Oh how he wished he could be around you as often as your phone was.
Hell, even throw him across the room the same way you do to it. Throw him on the bed like you do to your phone after a long day. Then check that it wasn’t cracked afterwards from the impact. Turn to him anytime you have a question like you would to your phone. Was it possible to be jealous of an inanimate object?
"Are you snooping through my phone?”
You playfully glared at Reo with an irritated smile
“No no no- See? I haven’t even bothered trying to unlock it!”
He showed you your phone, still on the black screen having not been turned on
“I just wanted to see your lock screen- I swear-”
Reo laughed, a tone of panic and desperation in his voice. Please believe him. He doesn’t know what he’d do if you didn’t trust him…
You looked at him skeptically, but let him off with a shrug.
“Do you have a hair dryer or anything?” “Oh yea! Let me help you”
Fuck, you looked amazing. the way you looked in his clothing, your hair dripping wet, leaving stains on his shirt. God he loved you
Reo reached under the bed and pulled it out, unwrapping the cord and plugging it in. He smiled and signaled for you to sit on the bed in front of you
He hummed contently, running his fingers through your hair as he held the hairdryer. 
"Your hair is beautiful. Would you ever consider doing a shampoo ad or something? You’d look amazing on the cover of a magazine” 
Ah, this caught you off guard- but you thanked him as you smiled to yourself at the complement 
“Think this is the best I can do… Is it okay?”
He turned the hair dryer off, and ruffled your hair lightly
You nodding, running your hands through your hair. Most of it was dry, but the tips were still a bit wet, though that wasn’t a problem.
“You said you have extra rooms?” “Oh… Yea, I guess so…”
Why don’t you stay in my room? What’s wrong with staying with me? I cleaned everything just for you, everything's hidden- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY ROOM. STAY HERE. PLEASE.
“but they’re all supper small- I don’t think you’ll like them” “That’s alright, anything will work for the night” “Well- my bed’s bigger than all the other ones…" “Didn’t you say there were multiple guest rooms…?” “...But- I really don’t mind you staying in my bed…”
Shit. What was he going to say to get you to stay? He should’ve never said there were other rooms. What if he told you the other rooms had rat infestations- no, you’d be disgusted by him….
Bam!
The loudest strike of thunder sounded. It was so loud it was almost unnatural…
“You know what- nevermind. I think I’ll stay with you tonight…”
You laughed awkwardly, body shaking a bit from the sudden bang. You hated thunder.
Reo smiled he’d be sure to give the assistants a raise after tonight
He set everything up. Gave you a cute plushie and brought over extra blankets in case you got cold, a cup of water, and charged your phone. Whatever you wanted, really.
“You gonna come to bed yet? It’s almost 11….”
You yawned, rubbing your eyes half asleep 
Reo wished he could see this sight every night. He swore in that moment on his heart that he’d marry you
“Yup, just turning off the lights.”
He flicked a few switches and the room blacked out. A few moments after Reo joined you under the blankets
“Goodnight, Reo.” “Goodnigh, my love” “Mh?” “I said Goodnight, [Y/N].”
BONUS He may or may not have set a quiet alarm (to no wake you) so he could stare at your face for a few hours... and to preorder breakfast!
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A/N: Played around with the formatting here... AND I STILL SUCK AT WRITING SO FORGIVE ME [SOBSOBSOB] anyway i love reo 💜
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goodnight, going to sleep with thoughts of joseph quinn on my mind 😌😌
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I just need to rant for a second :)
Screaming into the void please dont judge me
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strawberri-syrup · 2 months
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there are more than 130 people booked to come to the course tomorrow plus walkups and its supposed to be in the upper 90s and low 100s all day PLUS HUMIDITY and im working a double
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orcelito · 2 months
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
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I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
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I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
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I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
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Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
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Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
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DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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immamapletreekid · 5 months
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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha
#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF#im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries#and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future#IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN#i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and#finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes#and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades#isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade#it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that#dictate every single fucking part of my life#and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb#ra and stats and calculus and cs#haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates#i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table#yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first#god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive#all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is#i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again#haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future#i hope i can still have time for hobbies#why si everyone at school so good at everything#ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent#i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states#my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo#meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day#how do i become like them#why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence#i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore
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geraiodli · 6 months
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CW: eye imagery(simplystic) bright colours, a mask(can cause anxiety ig)
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A bit of tma xenogeners that I made a while ago. Wanted to do all of them, but lost motivation.
These basically mean that you like/strongly connected with the entety or an avatar of one. I didn't really put that much though into them, so colours don't mean anything, just whaf I think is aestheticly pleasing. If you use them, please tag me!
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itsahotminuteinbetween · 11 months
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ragatha doodles i decided to put on my computer
ignore the ones on the bottom they suck
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sweet-as-kiwis · 1 year
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Choosing a kitten to adopt is ROUGH
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clementine-png · 2 years
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Tag rambling ignore me
#clemmie talks#my bf is coming over this weekend :)#ive been depressed so i kinda pushed him away but i want to see him even if im not feeling well this time#im going to make raspberry lemon cake!#i found the recipe on tiktok so who knows if its actually good?#but it looks promising#last time i made strawberry cake it called for emulsion. and it tasted artificial to me#my mom liked it tho#this recipe has some vanilla extract of course but theres no other extracts or emulsions. just fruit#which is good. emulsions arent BAD they just. idk. u can tell its not real#i need to find a new strawberry cake recipe#one that tastes like good strawbrrry ice cream. that kind of flavor#i also have a bangin carrot cake recipe#and cinnamon rolls. i made those recently and recieved many compliments#i love baking for ppl! this weekend i get to share with my bf. my mom. my sister. and my roommates#i dont have the correct cake pans but it should be fine?#i have two 10 inch heart shaped pans. the recipe call for 3 round 8 inch pans#ill make do and adjust the bake time#but yea im excited to see my bf and do some baking! im making the raspberry curd tomorrow not saturday tho. it needs to chill i the fridge#i also need to go to the store and get some more raspberries. im a little bit short on them#tag rambling#delete later#im also like. trying to look on the bright side. im super behind on schoolwork and its stressing me out#im also going to fail spanish 4 so i have to retake that next semester#my grade is not salvageable at the moment so im just not going to do the finals#my other classes i need to put work into. like asap#but i am barely functioning atm. the adderall shortage made it so i cant pick up my prescription#so i have to call my doc tomorrow and ask for a different med#hoping everything turns out okay. but im legit like. having a hard time :/#i am so burnt out from being in college nonstop for the past 4 years. its like. i just cant do it anymore? i feel like im getting dumber
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#tomorrow is the day the measurements start. the start of my 40+ days of torment. but idk im glad its finally here#i dont have to dread it anymore. hopefully its the last time i have to do these type of measurements#i was talking to my boss yesterday and she was like: oh last timr we were out i realized this might be ur last time doing lpi for thr rest#of ur life. and i was like god i hope so. bc thats a process where i crawl across the ground for 50m per transect and identify all the#plants and soil cover and for the life of me i cant fucking remember plant codes. i hate it bc i basically have to talk for like 3hrs and#have someone standing over my shoulder recording me and all the while my brain is screaminf at me bc field work doesnt count as real work#in my stupid brain. so yea ill do lpi and soil stability as benign torment in purgatory#but anyway. im hesitantly optimistic abt the measurements i have to take bc im going to try my best to make it ok bc i have school#interviews looming and i have to pretend im hanging on by more than a single thread ya kno#so we r going to b careful abt it. well at least well see how long it lasts. i also have tk find the time to read a bunch before interviews#while my brain is completely fried idk how. and do other lab stuff. sigh...#idk im probably going to take measurements all the way thru sunday and then monday see if i can fill out patent intake info with a psy#psychiatrist. and hope they take my insurance. i called and checked for providers and they were the only one in the area so shoulf b ok but#ya kno. god im barely a functional person. like the fact that i have to drive 8min down the road is very nearly enough for me to say fuck#it. id rather suffer forever. i just hate driving so much :-P#i just wish i could focus enough to make words make sense and justify the time i spend to learn things. agh#lmao im such an anxious person. a lab mate had a birthday today and my boss and a fellow lab member surprised her with a cake#and im v worried abt when my birthday happens. it wasnt so bad last time bc another birthday was also that week so the focus was off me a#lil but with my boss leaving this school i was like. yes. i escape the surprise gathering. but probably not. same for when i leave#genuinely i do not want a gathering. i just feel like im waiting for them to end. not that i dont like my lab mates but idk it feels so#artificial. and i feel awkward bc i never make eye contact or look at anyone in a way i think is typical bc i see ppl look at me#like turn their head to see my reaction to something and i just like fundamentally do not understand that impulse#whatever. what i want for my birthday or going away is to not attend the gathering. make it more like a wake lol#but i kno that wont happen. last year my boss asked whst i wanted and i said nothing and she said that wasnt allowed#im just so neurotic that if u try to do anything for me itll prob just upset me. but idk ppl like to give presents and stuff#and sometimes things arent all abt me. so i just gotta accept it and go cry abt it later#but thats like 3 months away so i dont kno why im so stressed abt it now. I've got more pressing things to stress abt#unrelated
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cyphyra · 2 years
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i sure am once again stressing the fuck out about being unemployed, uninsured, and currently having possible tooth issues including but not limited to cavities and impacted wisdom teeth
i literally dont have the money to cover this if it becomes an issue, i wont even have 100 bucks to my name by the end of the month
i know i need to try and stay positive but it's kinda hard to when you haven't found a job in literal years and got covid the same week that your dad (the only one currently employed) re-injured his back and needs to be home and have physical therapy n shit
i just want a do-over on the last 5 years or so, i dont think that's too much to ask
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toytulini · 3 months
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ok no posting tomorrow. no more posting. if you see me on here tell me to leave. i need to do fish tanks.
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kethabali · 5 months
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i continue to be surprised how our body, minds, and universe align perfectly sometimes and we get just what we needed even if we don't realize we needed it
#someone asked me for money and i didnt have cash and they asked if they can have my food so i just took them to the store and bought them#something to eat and talked a bit which was very needed bc i been in a downer the last 2 days#freezing up from my workload of house work and school work#so i just not been doing either of it really#only the basics of eating and cleaning myself (somewhat) but i went out today to get a charger for my weed pen or to buy another pen#and thats when i saw her so that was good#first iw as like maybe god is real or something cuz how that keep aligning like that but then i realized i made the choice to talk to her#and buy her food.. it was literally me who made it happen not gOd#so yea i still am not re believing in god at least not the institutional organized religion god#cuz that guy is pure evil he is the real devil im telling you#but i do believe our souls know what we need and try to make it happen regardless of our circumstances#anyways.. gonna watch a really gorey movie now instead of reading for school#i do want to read but at the same time i do not want to read#i want to read not today but i Have to read today and tomorrow bc its due on tuesday#and i wanna go to a protest tomorrow so mainly i have today and half of tomorrow and a bit of tuesday#which is not enough for my adhd ass to do this how i want so it will probably be rushed#unless i take somehthing else out of the schedule but i really wanna go to the protest GRR i hate capitalism#just let me do things how i wanna do it im pissed off again#why i gotta do things on other peoples schedule all the goddamn time this is my least favorite thing about capitalism#never being able to do things when i wanna do them cuz there are consequences for if i ignore the other things#i just sometimes wanna be like fuck it let me just take the consequence and do what i want but that never went well in high school#i guess i can read 2 pages or something#or die. just kidding.. haha.. im trying not to answer die or death anytime i am inconvenienced#🧃
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orcelito · 2 years
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after the trials of today, if anything happens to those 8 vats of tea i made, i am going to go full ???%
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