Um. A fee I didn't know I was being charged for from the service I order meds from just came out of my bank account and now I have negative money
Anyone wanna pay me to write or doodle things for them?? ;;w;; My Ko-fi is in my pinned post if so.
Just let me know exactly what you want (and who you are, so I can contact you here! Or you can DM me letting me know which request was yours) and I'll get right to it. I don't have a commission sheet or anything so just give what you can and I'll do my best to make it worth it.
I'd really appreciate any help I can get right now from those of you who can spare it!!
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its been two years since i was last taking a class of any kind and man. i forgot how hard it was for me. especially online? like i did all of high school online. bad time for an undiagnosed adhd kid lol. but now medicated and only doing one class two times a week? still so fucking hard. learning i do not do well on someone else's pacing. and the constant reminders of your own inability are so damn heavy.
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HUGE VENT
I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen
My routine these last two weeeks has been:
-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep
-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw
-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am
I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍
Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore
Silence is actually worse than loud rooms
It's driving me insane
It's so loud
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every time i have to wake up early (read- every time i have a dr appointment before 1pm) i'm reminded why i sleep until the afternoon
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anyway I guess if we suddenly start posting stuff that's extra unhinged or sounding really frantic or not making much sense or whatever, that'll probably be the medication side effects.
I'm saying this in advance just in case because I know sometimes when our psychosis gets really bad we start saying weird shit to people and not being able to tell how weird any of it sounds but still freaking out thinking everything we say must sound completely insane and I also know that if we try to be like "I'm manic/experiencing this delusion/having a really bad psychotic episode" while in the middle of experiencing it, that mostly makes us freak out more because our paranoia makes us think everyone's about to shun us over it and we start to feel like we're in trouble for it
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