#i can wait for WWW to end and cannot wait for SPACE thing to start - both are true

[thebardbullseye]

The Thesis of Citadel Wizardry

I have been banging my head against the metaphorical wall for a while now trying to figure out what it is about Wizardry and the Lingua Arcana that resonates with me deeply. It goes far beyond the set dressing of the story (which I also love deeply). It is the core, fundamental idea of What Wizardry Is.

Wizardy in Umora is IRL philosophy and metaphysics: which are concerned with the study of the fundamental nature of reality and knowledge. (NB: there are many ways To Know outside of formal philosophy education.)

Wizards are the only Intelligence based casters in D&D, and in Umoran history did not exist until a couple hundred years ago. There is a lot to be said about what that means wrt Empire and the imagery and consequences of that, which are beyond the scope of this post.

Three concepts emerged in the founding of Wizardry: the Lingua Arcana (language of magic), one specific kind of magic: Conjuration (helpfully also a school of magic in D&D), and the idea of the Greater Binding and the Binding of Spirits. Why these three ideas in particular and what do they mean for the Philosophy of Wizardry?

Wizardry is to take that which is Formless of Spirit and thus unknowable, to give it Form, to give it meaning and understanding. To Summon it, to Conjure it, and to Bind it to the Real, yet also to Know and Understand its Nature.

Citadel Wizardry is to give it a Name, to add to Language in order to further define, refine, restrict, control, and diminish it from its Unknowable and Formlessness. To Bind a Great Spirit is to Know and Understand something Great.

Citadel Wizardry was combined with and furthered through Empire, and this has brought about great harm to the Spirit and knowledge-gathering itself.

(NB: much of "modern" science is deeply entwined with the imperialistic and colonialist tendencies due to the historical foundations upon which it was built. IMO, science/bio-"ethics" does not do enough to recognize nor address this fundamental problem. This is a much more complicated idea than can be untangled here, but I thought it worth mentioning as an IRL parallel.)

So, this begs the question: Does knowing this damn the pursuit of knowledge obtained through imperial means to always be harmful? Remember to be wary of questions that provoke binary responses.

Instead, there is a better question to ask: How do you, as an individual, right the wrongs of a broken system? Look at Suvi as a character and at her story. It is plain as day. Clearly written in the Sky.

Here's the common thing among the many different ways To Know and Understand: there are some things that you know and understand both deeply and innately but cannot put into words. Perhaps these are one's values or philosophies or ideals; whatever you call them, these things are Formless. But there are some things that you understand facets or pieces of that you name and point at to be able explain and bring about and manifest that deeper understanding. There is connective tissue here; this idea that Reality is simultaneously and paradoxically made up of individuals and groups (particles, atoms, molecules, chemicals, organs, people, groups, (eco)systems, the world, the universe), and that reality is Beyond Number; it is both Formed and Formless.

This is why it has taken 46 episodes and as many or more hours to take the implicit and make it explicit in this thesis of the show. It must have the slow, methodical study, space, and time to breathe: to examine and understand the facets of the diamond, all of the moving parts, to see the shape of the diamond itself, and to stop the machine of war.

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon! Coming to react to the update from yesterday~

I fully admit to the fact that I could’ve actually sent an ask then, because I had free time—but I also admit that it would have just been something that would amount to an incoherent keysmash of pure delight.

So I pushed it until now~

Anyway. Time to try to depict what my reactions were because the rush that went through me is hard to put into words.

Firstly, Suga’s POV? Aaaaa I greatly adore. You wrote it all very very well. Spot on! (Imagination Library of Sugawara Koushi wwww. Very cute.) But he really underestimated the reactions and emotions that would come after he told them what happened. I mean, all have been hurt by Meiko in some way...and honestly, he should know that what she did went too far. Anger, sadness, frustration are all linked. But also Suga thinking YN’s anger is being endearing I cannot.

Nothing like YN stalking into Meiko’s room... and Iwaizumi being in there still helping her with stuff. Sigh. But yes, YN is an avenging angel. I would 10/10 love being friends with YN.

And then the escalation—I cannot, I’m just (keyboard smash noises). Yes, I still am feeling the rush just thinking about it. Yes, I have been very very happy because of the updates, but this one in particular has made me ecstatic! YN having a stoic face and a fiery glare,,, all I’m thinking is if someone were to dance with YN,,,YN dipping them,,, ah, dance headcanons. I need to put them somewhere. Maybe at the end if I remember.

Meiko’s scandalized gasp... and Iwaizumi pushing himself closer to YN. I would whack him with his flag. It’s one thing to step in between people to stop physical fighting...but do not intrude on our girl’s personal space. Also, Iwaizumi talking YN not to talk to Meiko like that... Meiko...did it first? Are you kidding me? And YN has been so complacent. I’m impressed at the fact he wasn’t focused on the reasoning as to why YN was angry at all. Part of de-escalation of a situation is getting rid of the issue... but it’s to be expected that Iwaizumi hasn’t focused at all on that. As a manager, he is okay at planning things and events and such...but he’s absolutely terrible on the people side of things.

YN is just ////. I blush. I swoon. I adore. YN Supremacy! Her pushing away Iwaizumi is top tier imagery, I cannot explain how fast my heart went doki-doki at that. And Atsumu as the number 1 fan!!

I cannot believe it took this long for Meiko to finally get a danger sense as to how far she has pushed YN. But I guess she definitely learned her lesson...unless she does something idiotic again.

YN whispering something in Meiko’s ear... probably a threat/promise of sorts... Meiko called YN evil in an update before... but if YN was evil, Meiko wouldn’t even be in the realm any longer. YN may be kind, but she’s not weak. Besides that, you have crossed enough lines that it doesn’t matter—people become stronger when angry and determined.

Meiko slapping YN. Actually, if it was me, I would’ve laughed instead of being nonchalant like YN. Do you know how... pitiful you are? How much of an idiot you are for starting a physical altercation? I would’ve laughed hysterically, so much so that tears would be dripping down my face. Meiko is 5’7, like half a foot taller than me. Imagine how’d this look if I didn’t bother fighting physically. Osamu, Daichi, Oikawa, they would go into there to see me with a hand shaped bruise across my face and Meiko looking unharmed. Meiko is so impulsive it’s a wonder how she hasn’t condemned her entire career to doom.

Besides that, everyone in the room saw what happened. Iwaizumi saw. How bold do you think Iwaizumi would be if he’d blatantly lie about who hit first? Especially because YN has 7 people on her side.

But I guess Meiko isn’t going to be in any position to make videos or social media posts... imagine the backlash. And she can’t say anything because she’s spread so many lies that once a few are debunked her credibility is automatically going to be questioned.

Oh well. I’m quite happy with how it went down. I suppose I’ll go back to the dance headcanons and ideas from earlier to end on something a bit less violent haha.

Anyway, dancing... I imagine YN in red. Sharp dance moves...bold lines and such. Like, good at everything—dancing with a fan for example, like flicking it open with a quick move of her wrist, or maybe like,,, flamenco/tango, swooping skirts and pair dancing, but what if YN learning how to do pole dancing because honestly the amount of core strength that would require—I am just,,, a mess of appreciation towards YN. Kenma would be...like...rhythmic gymnastics perhaps? It contemporary type dancing because he’s really flexible. Bokuto...something with like, full body control—like boy group stuff? Akaashi is waltz. I cannot hear anything else, Akaashi is definitely waltz. He has the posture for it. I think Sakusa in aerial silks and stuff would be really cool,,, his lines,,, I think Suga would be good in ballet. I don’t know about Atsumu and Kuroo though... I don’t know enough about dance to accurately place them in any group, so take these with a pinch of salt. I just think that they’re cool www.

Okay, I’m gonna end this here to eat lunch! Much thanks for the update—I’ll probably get to the reaction for the second update by tomorrow morning if I can help it!

Love you very very much fr0ggy! <3<3<3

eek hello wind nonnie! i hope ur lunch (& subsequent day) was nice!!!! i appreciate ur long message && the dancing hcs are so accurate????? omg i wish i could pole but i Do Not have the core strength ;-; i love you v v v much love n i cant wait for your next reaction!!

[idratherstayslytherin]

Drarry Headcanon (bc I'm a terrible writer and have no time to)

After the war Hermione and Ginny come back to Hogwarts, it's a year after the battle (that's how long it took to rebuild the school and let people grieve)

Harry and Ron found it impossible to come back. They are staying together at Grimmauld Place. Ron decided to help George at WWW. Harry didn't know what to do for a long time He didn't want to be an auror, he've had enough of saving people's lives, being away from home, fighting for his own life. He considers doing Unspeakable or Cursebreaker course. That way he wouldn't have to go fight (well, maybe he would have to sometimes) on the field and he wouldn't have to work behind the desk (assuming that unspeakables aren't working behind the desk ).

He finally decides on going for curse-breaker option, but he has to get at least "Exceeds Expectations" in Potions from his NEWTs (which he can take at the Ministry). As we know he sucks at it so he needs someone to help him.

Draco has been cleaned out (mostly) from the charges after the war. They don't trust him at all, they don't want him anywhere Wizarding World. They put him in the safe house in the muggle France. They have a tracking charm on him so he cannot leave this place. He lives there with his mother. He haven't been outside for almost a year. The Ministry told him that they would consider welcoming him back if could prove that he changed his believes and payed back for his actions during and before the war. As for now they took away his wand and made him look for muggle job.

When the Ministry finds out that Draco is pretty good at potions and Harry needs a tutor they decide that sending Harry to him is an excellent idea. Draco would have to help him if he wants to get his wand and freedom back and Harry could help him with understanding muggles.

Both of them are pissed off as they are not each other's greatest fans. Harry testified for Narcissa and Draco after the war, but he did it just because they both are kind of the reason he is alive ("Dead" , "I can't be sure"). Harry did not think they deserved Azkaban, no matter how angry he was at them, no matter how much he disliked them.

Ministry builds a potions space in Dracos house so they can study there. The few first weeks are weird, Draco and Harry only talk to each other if it's necessary or if they're studying. Draco is a decent teacher, he can explain potions so that Harry can understand and improve. Even if Harry is annoying Draco with his little knowledge on the subject he is impressed with his other magic abilities and knowledge on other things. They start being civil with each other and stop their childish arguments.

One day when Harry is sick of having to eat only take outs for a month he decides to ask Narcissa a permission to cook for them all. It's not like it's his biggest dream, but he wants to eat a good homemade meal, and it's only polite to make three portions. Narcissa agrees and Harry goes out to buy ingredients for curry that he learned bow to make when he lived with Ron. While he's making it Draco enters the kitchen and observes Harry intensely. Not just because he thinks Harry is attractive, but because he is genuinely interested in cooking now that they don't have a house elf. When Harry sees him he stops for a second and then says "you know it's not polite to stare? And do try to be more secretive if you want to look at me.". At this sentence Draco freezes, his cheeks going red,but then Harry burst out laughing "Your face Malfoy! If you could se-see yo-your face right now". He can't stop laughing. Draco just glares at him. "I'm just messing with you, no need to plan my death." Harry says still smiling, but Draco still says nothing until the silence between them becomes awkward. "I'm not planing your death, never did." he says with a serious tone. There is a lot of starring between them. Harry breaks it "so do you want me to show you how to cook, Malfoy, or not?" Draco hesitates but walks over to Harry and Harry walks him through the process of making a perfect curry that is Harry's friends favourite dish. Draco asks a lot of questions and stops Harry at different stages of making a curry paste to observe the changes that are happening. There aren't many to his disappointment. Somewhere in the conversation Harry mentions that he learned cooking when he was living at the Dursleys. He doesn't even know why he's telling Draco Sodding Malfoy about his not so pleasant childhood.

"They used you like a house elf?! Wait, they treated you even better than a house elf. Our house elfs had their own bedroom." Draco raises his voice a little and Harry is weirded out and doesn't know why Malfoy even cares.

They eat their meal quietly and after that Draco asks Harry if he can tell him something more about muggle technology. They go to their study and Harry explains cash machines, toasters, tv, internet and more to him. Harry watches as Draco's scared face turns into fascination. He even smiles a little and Harry decides that genuine smile looks good on Draco Malfoy.

They fall into a routine where they wake up make breakfast together (Harry thought Draco to make simple dishes), they go into potions study, Draco teaches Harry the theory and they make some potions (Harry eventually ends up brewing pretty decent ones, except that time he almost burned down the cauldron and Draco stopped speaking with him for a day (HE NEVER FUCKING LISTENS TO DRACO SO HOW.CAN HW EXPECT NOT TO FAIL MISERABLY?!) ); they eat lunch, have some time apart, Harry eventually firecalls Hermione and Ginny asking them how they're doing, Hermione leaves Ginny alone with Harry so they can have some alone time. Harry loves her, loves her just the way she is, he misses her a lot. They talk about school, they talk about them and exchange sweet nothings. Harry can't stop but wonder how will their future look like when she comes back home. Will they get married? Should he purpose to her? Will they have a lot of children? When will they live? He also misses having a closure with her, kissing her and doing more than that. When their firecall is over he is left with with his hand and a bulge in his pants (It's only because he haven't had any sexual interactions with his gf and she decided to take of her t-shirt which allowed him to see her breasts, AND SHE WHISPERED TO HIM THAT SHE MISSED HIM AND HIS TOUCH. How could he not be affected by that?!).

Months pass and Harry and Draco became a good company to each other. They help each other out. By now Draco knows mire about muggles that any other pure blood wizard, is less scared of them and even started reading fiction, history and science books. He usually sits in his chair in his room, with a cup of tea, and devours all the knowledge. Harry tries to improve at potions by sneaking out to the study in the middle of the night when he can't sleep/doesn't want to fall asleep. He even tried to make a dreamless sleep,but failed a few times.

One night Draco hears Harry's screaming, it's heart wrenching. They are home alone as Narcissa was send back to the manor on her own request. Draco gets up and takes Dreamless Sleep out of his cupboard. He enters Harry's temporary bedroom and shakes his arm. "Potter. Potter, WAKE UP!" He raises his voice. He knows if it was him he would have wanted to be woken up. Harry wakes up and can't stop hyperventilating. Draco doesn't really know what to do, he never took care of anyone but his mother, and he isn't really good with feelings/hard stuff. He and Harry never talk about their past. It's their silent agreement. Draco does sits on the bed and says in a low vice "It's just a dream. It's just a dream, Potter." He tries not to look Harry in the eyes, but he decides that if he wants to make this boy stop doing what he's doing then he has to do more. He looks Harry in the eyes. "Breath, Potter. Take a deep breath and then exhale." He does exactly what his mother did when he was in that situation. He doesn't want to step any boundaries, so he doesn't touch Harry's hand. "Do it with me." Draco says when Harry doesn't seem to feel any better. He can't faint! "Take a deep breath" They both do. They exhale. They do it few more times until Harry's breathing becomes less shaky and stabilize. They look at each other in silence. Draco looks down, but pulls out the phial and gives it to Harry. "Drink this." He gets out of bed and begins to leave. "Thanks" Harry whispers.

The next day Harry wakes up at 1am. He feels a lot better after the potion he took at night. Still he feels terribly sad. It happens sometimes. There are times he doesn't want to leave the bed and just doesn't see the point of doing anything. Sometimes he wishes he never came back to life. He gets up even though he would rather disappear, but he feels like he has to at least tell Draco that he doesn't feel like studying today. He looks for Draco everywhere, but can't find him. Finally he finds him in the kitchen in front of the stove cooking something. It's oatmeal. "Hi" Harry says when Draco turns around. "Hey." There again is silence. "You look like shit." Draco informs Harry. "I'm making you food. Sit". And Harry is like WHAT?! Draco Malfoy is making me food?! What kind of universe that is?! "What?" Harry says. And Draco just rolls his eyes. "Can't you ever do just one thing you're asked for? Are you that much of a rebel?". His voice is surprisingly soft and Harry is like DID HE JUST SIMLE AND SAID SOMETHING (that should probably make him sneer at him) IN A SOFT VOICE?! WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHAT DID HE DO WITH DRACO MALFOY?

Draco just looks at him then says "You've began to develop this annoying habit of looking at me with your mouth open. Please, stop. " although he doesn't want Harry to stop. He looks at Harry when he thinks he's not looking and dreams about touching his hair.

Harry goes red and mumbles some nonsense as a response. They sit together at the table and Draco handles Harry the oatmeal and they eat in silence. "We don't have to study today'" Draco says when the sip their drinks (Harry - coffee, Draco - tea). They have free afternoon.

Harry looks at Draco while he's drinking his tea and first thing that comes to his mind is scary he is so damn beautiful. His hart begins to pound a little faster at the realisation of what he just thought. He doesn't really know where did that came from and what the fuck does that mean, so he lowers his head. The next thing he notices is how Draco looks out of the window with a sad expression on his face. Oh, he must be missing outdoors Harry thinks. After Draco has been nothing but nice and helpful Harry wants to make it up for him. He firecalls the Ministry and asks them a permission to let Draco go out. They argue with him and tell him that Draco might run away, that he might hurt Harry, but Harry is having none of it. "He's been nothing, but amazing tutor, nice and helpful this past weeks. And how do you even imagine him being able to do anything without his want, hm? I trust him and if you trust me you'll show me the charm that will let him get out. I'm sick of sitting in the house as well, can't imagine what that must have been for him." They give harry the charm and show him how to perform it (just because he is their hero).

When Harry tells Draco that their going out Draco can't help, but smile widely. Harry wants to take a picture of this moment for some odd reason. It scares him what his thoughts are becoming.

"There is a beach an 1,5 away from here." Draco says. "Are you suggesting we go there?" Harry answers. "I thought that was obvious." Draco smirks.

They end up going to the beach. Draco smiles the first moment they step out of the house. He closes his eyes and breaths in fresh air. He looks gorgeous Harry thinks where Draco's hair is flying on the wind. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! He screams in his mind. They walk in the silence until Draco says "Thanks." a moment of silence. "For taking me out" Harry instantly looks at him. "And everything. Testifying for me even though you didn't have to. Testifying for my mother. Saving my life in that-in that room." He says this in a honest, quiet voice while looking at Harry. Harry doesn't know what to say and is startled. He retrieves his voice after a longer minute. "I did what I thought had to be done. And... I don't think you deserved Azkaban." He can't believe what he's saying, but it's true. He just didn't think he would confess this to Malfoy. "Well, you also saved me at the Manor." He says after that. "I've should have done more. I was a coward. I still am. I should have helped." Draco almost whispers as he can't look at Harry. His eyes vegan to water. "I deserved all that they planned for me at my trial. You should have left me there, but I guess you have saving people's lives problem, even if you hate them." Harry stays quiet, but has this weird feeling that he should say that Draco is telling him a lot of bullshit. He knows some of it is true, he does have saving people problem and Draco wasn't definitely brave and he should have done more in the battle if he wasn't sure what side he was on. He could have done more, but he didn't.

They walk together in the silence until they reach the beach. They were exhausted from walking. But the view is breathtaking. They got out of the house at 5pm so now sun is begging to go down and the sky is lovely colour of yellow, orange and pink. They can feel ocean breeze and hear the sound of it. It's calming. They sit down on the blankets they took with them and stare at the sky.

"I miss Sirius." Harry says without thinking much of it. He can't take the words back. "Your godfather?" Draco asks, digging the piece wood he found into the ground. "Yeah." Harry sighs. "He and Remus were the only people who felt like I still had a piece of my parents with me." Harry confesses, THE HELL WITH IT, I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO BESIDES HIM. Harry tells Draco about Sirius and how it went down in 3rd year, he tells him how mad it was when they found out Ron's rat was Peter Pettigrew, he tells him the story about his parents and the marauders. Draco interrupts him with few questions only if needed, he listens to Harry intensely. "I'm sorry they're not around anymore." Draco says, and studying his expressions, Harry knows he means it. Harry wants to cry, but he can't cry infront of Malfoy. He is partially angry at Draco, well actually his father for being the reason Sirius is dead, and if Draco haven't let Death Eathers into Hogwarts Remus and Tonks would still live. He pushes that away for now. He considers asking Draco about his reasons, his story, but on the other hand he knows nothing will serve as an excuse.

They lay on the ground for quite some time, but then Harry says "I'm going swimming" and he gets up. "Are you crazy? The water is probably - 10°C" Draco sits up. "Yeah, -50°C" says Harry sarcastically rolling his eyes. He takes off his shirt and walks down to the ocean. Draco is going crazy in his head, SHIRTLESS HARRY GOING SWIMMING AND OH MERLIN THOSE MUSCLES AND OH MERLIN I MIGHT FAINT. "It's dark and you could drown. Come on we can come back tomorrow." Draco almost beggs. "If you're so worried for me then come with me" Harry snorts and laughs. "You're not making any good impression on me, Potter. Come back here, prat." Harry keeps laughing and he steps into the water. It's neither warm neither cold so he takes some of it in his hands and rubs it all over his body. Draco would come quicker to get him, but he can't stop staring. When he does come near Harry, Harry is already down his knees in the water. "If you want to babysit me then you better take off your shirt and come rescue me if I drown" Harry is weirdly in a good mood. He is now full body in the ocean. Draco frowns at him. "You're an idiot." He says and stays on the sand with his arms crossed.

Harry thinks it would be funny if he faked drowning. Would Malfoy cone to his rescue? He decides to test it. He preforms what he thinks is a good acting and says rapidly "Icantfeelmylegs. I can't move, shit!" He fakes scared expression and looks at Malfoy who is already runing to him into the water.

When Draco is beside him and holds him around his waist he starts laughing historically. He haven't laughed that hard since he can remember. "And you told me I have a pro-pro-" he leans on Dracos shoulder. "Saving lives problem." Draco lets go of Harrys waist and splashes him with the water and sneers " You bastard! I thought you were really drowning. You're such an imbecile! What if we both lost our footing, have you thought of that?!" he screams, but it's not in fury. Harry splashes him back and they begin splasing each other, swimming away to save their life. They both begin laughing. Finally when they're near the beach Harry grabs Draco by the waist. "Scared?" Harry knows exactly what he's doing. "You wish." Draco replies and they chase each other to their blankets. They ends up on top of each other, lying there on the sand. Draco is the one on top and he holds Harrys hands behind his head. "Are you feeling defeated, Potter? Did I just defeat the great Harry Potter?" Harry wraps his legs around Dracos hips so he can take a control. Now Harry's on top. "As if I'd let you." They stare at each other and the intensity of the tension between them rises. Suddenly Harry can't help, but look at Dracos chest, it's covered in a shirt that's sticking to his body, but Harry can see how lean and attractive his body is. "Potter." Draco says clearing his throat uncomfortably. As he does that Harry immediately knows, or rather can feel what caused that reaction from Draco. He was an erection. SHIT! He thinks and stands up as fast as he can. "I'm sorry. I just-" Harrys heart speeds up. "STOP." Draco stops him. "Don't. It's a normal reaction. We're both easy simulated, as are boys our age. You've been away from your...um girlfriend, I suppose, and you, well..." Draco doesn't end the sentence. It's uncomfortable. "Lets go home." He says as he picks up their stuff. "Or do you want me to go and you'll follow me after sometime?" Harry almost squeaks at Dracos proposition and what he actually is suggesting that Harry does.

"It's a- I-I think- I think I'm fine." Harry says, but Draco gives him disbelieving looks. "For Merlins sake, just stay here, think of your lovely girlfriend and you'll meet me at the house. You can't possibly get lost, not with a wand." He is irritated. "You're wet and you might catch a cold." Harry says, feeling like he really needs to be left alone right now. "So cast a drying charm on me, will you?" Draco glares at him, his face going blank. So Harry does and Draco goes home.

But when Harry is left alone all his thoughts are of Draco, his smile, his pale skin,shining grey eyes that turn silver when he is excited over something when they're studying; his lean body and how Draco felt when their chest , then later hips, were so close; how all Harry wanted to do was drag his fingers down Dracos hair and how he wanted to know more about him. He doesn't think of Ginny. But he does feel guilty and weird about it.

Next days are spent on studying, talking about muggle stuff, Draco telling Harry what he discovered or got to know from the books he've read, they chat, but none of them mentions the night on the beach.

That doesn't help,because with every day Harry gets more and more attracted to Draco. Not just by his looks, but his personality and its even scarier. Draco has changed a lot during a year, he is clever, cunning, empathetic, passionate, talented, assertive, demanding, has the same sense of humour as Harry and can easily make Harry laugh. Harry thinks that he could actually be friends with him. But he also wants to touch him again. This is crazy. Harry you've gone mad over a boy.A BOY. AND EVEN WORSE A MALFOY.

Harry is done with his potions study and Draco says that he has improved and better pass his NEWTs well. They both decide to go on the beach one more time before Christmas and Harrys exam. They go swimming and spend the days eating, laughing, "fighting", talking about Quidditch and sharing some childhood and Hogwarts stories. Turns out Draco wasn't a complete sociopath when he was a kid. He was quite sympathetic, his parents fucked everything up.

When they are laying on their blankets and staring at the sky Draco began to point out different constellations, and when he pointed at "his" meaning "dragon one" he just smirked at Harry as if this was his proudest moment. They somehow go back to the war talk and Draco explains that all he ever wanted to to in life is to make his father happy, he wanted to make him proud. He believed every word his father said,but after the sixth year began he knew his parents views were wrong and he slowly stopped believing what they thought him about muggles, pure bloods and muggle borns. He didn't want to kill Dumbledore,but he was given the mission that would make his father proud, that would clear out his family name to Voldemort and would keep his parents alive. He said that at this point he was only fighting for his parents life. He told Harry how awful living with Voldemort was, how a awful his "mission" was and how much he regretted it. Tears were rolling down his face when he got to the part when Death Eathers entered Hogwarts because of him and so many people died because of him and how he wish he could take this back. He confessed to Harry that when he saw him at Malfoy Manor he wanted to take his hand and apparate him somewhere else, somewhere away from there, but was a dumb coward who made all the wrong choices in his life.

Harry was listening to him, sometimes losing his breath, feeling bad for him, trying to understand the boy infront of him. It broke him when Draco said he was being tortured by Voldemort whenever Dracos father failed him or whenever there was no prisoners. After Dracos story was over Harry put his arms around him and brought him closer. They stayed like that for a moment and when they pulled back Draco said "Don't feel sorry for me, I only told you that,because I needed to you shared so much with me in those past months it felt only fair to give you my truth. I know any of this is not an excuse for all my actions. I deserve to be hated and punished, but I want to change and my mind healer said it's what matters the most." Harry believes him and he thinks he could forgive Draco all he have done after he apologized to him for their time at school (and Harry did apologize back). Though it would be awesome if Draco could face Ron and Hermione and make a sincere apology to them both.

They ended up sleeping on the beach beside each other, but when Harry woke up his body was pressed to Dracos and he had his arm around Dracos waist. It was his first dreamless night without needing to take a potion. Harry got up and wrote a letter to Draco saying his goodbyes, but also telling him what he could not say in person. He assured him that he'll figure something out so Draco could come back to Wizarding World and then they can meet up and be friends. He thanked him for the teaching and said he would message him. He put the letter in the basket they brought. He took one last glance at Draco and lightly kissed his cheek, he could not hold himself as not to do so, and left.

P.S.: I think I might continue this, but idk if you guys like it.

[toycarousel]

Wren I need some advice.. My best friend (and ex-boyfriend) just abandoned me, and called me hopeless. I feel bad, but I just wish there was something I could trade to get him back. Honestly I don't entirely believe I'm hopeless compared to who I was last year when the incident happened. It's not my fault I have anger issues, ya know? God I sometimes want to drown out everything with alcohol but I don't want the aftermath of it. Lately since that happened I've felt bad and I hope for your help

Hi, Anon! To start off with, you’re not hopeless.  I don’t believe that having made mistakes makes a person hopeless.  And considering you’ve made strides since the incident you’ve alluded to here, you’re clearly growing as a person, which is extremely significant, and you have every right to be proud of that!!!

I completely understand what wanting to drown sadness and anger out with alcohol, and it’s something I did end up doing, and I’m still paying for the aftermath of that now, so I, myself, think that you’re doing an excellent job by refraining from that -- I know how hard it is.  And anger is a very, very difficult emotion to have to constantly cope with.

Anger wears people down.  It’s exhausting, it’s upsetting, it can alienate the people we care about from us, it’s incredibly physically and emotionally uncomfortable, and it’s not at all easy to work through -- but that doesn’t mean it can’t be worked through.  Anger doesn’t excuse all of a person’s actions, but it does give you an idea of what sorts of things upset you, and where the anger might be stemming from.  That makes it very treatable, and while I know it’s a painful, gradual, arduous journey to become the person you want to be, it’s always possible and I know that you can do it -- mistakes and setbacks happen, but that’s all they are.  They don’t mean that you can’t change, and that you can’t recover and start to experience life in a way that’s fulfilling for you!

Some people don’t have the capacity to stick by the people they’re close to, while those people are coming into themselves and are on that journey.  And there are perfectly fair reasons for that -- no one owes us mistake after mistake.  But to call someone hopeless, and to abandon them completely doesn’t make sense to me.  I think it’s a spiteful thing to say to someone, and it certainly isn’t going to help them in any way.  I don’t believe that a best friend should ever say that to someone who’s struggling, who cares for them, and who trusts them.  If he needed some space, or the time to come to terms with what he can and cannot currently handle, he should have told you just that.  If he couldn’t be there for you, he should have honestly said so, and not just put you down while you’re trying your hardest to be the best version of yourself you can be.

It wasn’t fair to you at all, and your feelings are completely reasonable, Anon.

I don’t know the guy personally, so I can’t say for sure, but he might have just said that to you in the heat of the moment (which isn’t a good excuse, by any means, but does explain why he’d just totally fail you in that moment).  There may still be a way to have him in your life, but you’d both really have to talk this through carefully, honestly, and in-depth.  Giving him some time to cool down before approaching him with the suggestion of simply having this conversation is probably for the best.  

To see if he’s ready/willing to talk it out at some point, you could message/say to him “I understand that this is overwhelming for you right now, but I care about you, and I’m still in the process of growing and making progress.  I’m not going to give up on myself, or on our friendship.  If you need time, that’s perfectly okay, and I respect that, but I feel as though we need to talk this out eventually, and that can be when you’re ready.  Just let me know.”

Again, wait for a little while before approaching him this way, if you plan to do so!!! Because if someone is really upset, they may not react in a way that’s helpful to anyone, and I just don’t want him to lash out at you again while you’re in a vulnerable place.  If he does, remember it’s likely because he’s frustrated, and acting/speaking out of his own anger -- that is not your responsibility.  His emotions are something he has to work through, and like I said, you’re doing what you can to change for the better.  That’s enough.  So I would try not to take what he said to heart too much, because regardless of whether he means it or not (and I can’t speak for him, but I suspect it’s the latter), it isn’t true, and you are on your way to making up for your mistakes.

The best you can do is focus on yourself right now.  Practicing self-care and self-soothing is a good idea.  Even though it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing, do something nice for yourself.  Binge on some of your fave shows, fave books, fave games (anything that you typically enjoy doing, even if it feels hollow rn), and give yourself time to calm down a bit as well.  That way, when your emotions aren’t totally bowling you over, you can more easily consider problem-solving options.  I do think that issues like this can be talked through... but both parties have to be ready and willing to talk, and especially to listen.

If things feel too intense atm, and you’re worried that you’ll make an impulsive decision that could put your health in jeopardy, then calling a chat line, venting anonymously, and visiting some related forums might help... these people obviously don’t have all the answers, but they might have some ideas... and sometimes it’s even just nice to know that someone is listening to you.

http://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist

https://www.7cups.com/

And you can definitely continue talking to me about anything you want, Anon! My askbox is always open to you, and I’m here to listen as well -- my advice might not be right for you, but I can promise you that I do want things to work out for you, and I believe that you deserve to have that!

Take care, Anon!

[hensleymaloney14-blog]

Bitcoin Core Wallet

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[virginieboesus]

5 Things That Annoy Me Since I Became Dad

I’ve always been a very laid back person (just ask my wife), with very little being able to bug me, let alone annoy me. However, that changed a bit since I became a Dad. I’m still a very chilled out person, but I’ve started to notice various things in life that grind on me… Things I had never noticed before. So, I thought to myself; “why not share this with everyone else, because obviously, they all want to know what annoys me”… And yes, you should have read that in a sarcastic tone.

But nonetheless, here we are. I’m about to list out 5 things that have started to annoy me since I became a Dad. Let’s get this going, shall we?

People Who Drive Too Close

I’ve been driving for over a decade now and never really paid attention to how other people drove. At least, no more than understanding the road is full of imbeciles.

However, since I became a Dad, I’ve been paying far more attention to other vehicles on the road, watching them like a hawk as I drive. This is especially true when my daughter is in the car. I have become extra careful with everything, trying my best to keep my daughter as safe as possible.

One of the things I have noticed is the sheer number of drives who will come up right behind you. It doesn’t matter if you are going slow or the speed limit, someone will always be trying to park their car in your boot.

Considering we drive a small car (a Hyundai i10) the boot itself is very small. That means that there is very little space between the back of the car and the backseat where my daughter is sitting. Even when you can easily see the pushchair through the back window, and there is a sign saying a child is onboard the car, people still drive so close that I can almost see the white of their eyes.

I don’t know how I can get people to just stay a reasonable distance behind us…

People Who Take Parent and Child Spaces

This one is a pretty obvious one, but it has become more and more annoying every time I go to the supermarket. It seems to happen every single time. I’ll be coming into the car park, looking for a parking space, only to have to choose one that doesn’t really have enough room to get my daughter and her pushchair out as well.

Then I’ll see some pompous looking man or woman with a couple of light bags briskly walking up to a Range Rover or Audi that is parked in the parent and child spaces. They’ll get in and drive away, with no child in sight.

The fact that I’ve been called a “lazy parent” and told to “walk like everyone else” when I’ve confronted some of them infuriates me too. Is it really that hard to understand that the spaces aren’t for the parents’ benefit, but for the children?

People Who Get Annoyed About Your Child Crying

Another thing that I don’t remember ever noticing before is the number of people who get annoyed by children crying. I mean, I can understand that it isn’t the nicest thing to hear and can get a bit irritating. After all, I hear my daughter’s crying all the time.

But now that I go out with my daughter, be it to the city centre or for walks around, she inevitably starts to cry at one point. That’s why I notice the dirty looks, sighs and, sometimes, even have to deal with people complaining to me about her crying. They’ll actually stop whatever they are doing to come over to me and tell me to stop her crying because it is “ruining their day”.

Well, I’m sorry that we brought a new life into this world… Wait. No, I’m not! Mind your own business or try to help out. Kids cry. That’s just what kids do. Parents are doing their best to help soothe and cheer up the child, so be patient… And certainly, don’t go out of your way to complain about it!

IKEA Nottingham’s Car Park and Trolleys

Have you ever really thought about the fact that, in IKEA Nottingham (not sure about the other ones, that you cannot take the trolleys out into the car park? If you are buying large boxes of furniture, someone needs to drive the car up to the pickup section. Normally, that isn’t much of an issue. However, for us, going to IKEA is typically something that can only really be done on the weekend or on my way home from work, due to closing times. This means that either I’m on my own because I’ve been driving home from work, or I’m on my own because my wife is at work.

Therefore, I don’t have anyone who can drive the car to the pickup section. Nor can I just park the car in those spaces and then go shopping. This means that I have to carry whatever I buy from IKEA across the car park. Now, if I’m getting small items then there really isn’t an issue. However, when I’m buying furniture this becomes very difficult!

Add to this the fact that I will have my daughter with me if I go when my wife is at work and things become even more annoying. Firstly, you can’t get normal trolleys (like supermarket ones) until you’re about halfway around the shop. The ones at the entrance are designed to just use the yellow bags that you borrow whilst shopping. So, I had to dodge all of the other people who don’t look where they are going, trying my best to make sure they don’t bump into my daughter as she either walks around or I carry her.

Then, of course, once we’ve bought the furniture and walk out of the shop with it in the trolley, we reach the same problem in the car park. This time, however, it is compounded further. You see, carrying furniture and my daughter at the same time is more than a mission. The way the trolleys and car park are designed are certainly not family friendly. In fact, for single parents, IKEA Nottingham is a nightmare.

People Using Elevators Who Clearly Don’t Need To

Another pretty obvious one to end this list… Why do so many people decide to use elevators when they can clearly go up the stairs? Or even when there are escalators nearby if they don’t want to bend their knees. This is one of the most common things I have seen.

When going into shopping centres, I’ll be pushing my daughter in her pushchair, but always end up having to wait for the next lift because it is full of people who really don’t need to use it. In fact, it is often very healthy young teens. I’ve even been told that “there’s no room”, with the teens moving around the lift to make it seem more full than it is… I can only assume that this is because they don’t want to be near babies or toddlers.

Elevators really are there for everyone, I know that. But at the very least, if there is a pushchair or a disabled person who needs to get into the lift and you don’t actually need to use it, then you should let them in. Right?

And That’s All Folks

Those were 5 of the things that have come to really annoy me since I’ve become a Dad. I apologise for the rants in this post, but I’m hoping it will either resonate with other parents or help to alleviate some of these issues.

Have any of you experienced these? Let me know in the comments below!

from More Design Curation https://www.16bitdad.com/5-things-that-annoy-me-since-i-became-dad/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=5-things-that-annoy-me-since-i-became-dad source https://smartstartblogging.tumblr.com/post/173302039955