#i can't remember the last time i met myself cry I've been holding it in for so long but i just couldn't anymore i can sense myself

[astroyongie]

Seventeen: They Text You One Month After Your Death

Note: heavy angst and mentions of S* Scoups

"Wake up y/n and stay with me"  "I swear to god that right now, I need you here"  "I need you to stay strong baby.. Can you yell those words at me again please?"  "Ever since you left i try to remind me where I came from and where I belong, but without you i feel so lost in this earth"  "So wake up y/n.. and stay with me"

Wonwoo

"Its been a month already y/n.. do you remember, summer after high school, when we first met?"  "We maded out in my car and on my 18th birthday, we got those stupid matching tattoos. I still cry when i look at mine"  "do you remember when we used to steal your parents' liquor and go to your room? we spoke about our future like we had a clue you would leave me"  "fuck i never planned that one day I would be losing you. Why did you got to leave?"  "In another life y/n, I would be your husband and we both could keep all our promises of being happy together"

Mingyu

"I've been holding my breath each time i think of you"  “Wonwoo told me he put lillies on your tomb today. Sorry. didn't come, I've been holding back tears ever since that day"  "I miss you so much y/n"  "I've done a lot of things wrong, but i swear loving you was never one"

Vernon

"y/n"  "I can't imagine a world with you gone and yet here we are. Fuck i am still in denial"  "I have always said i would be so lost if you left me alone in this fucked up world"  "I can't stop crying"  "the images of you locked in the bathroom, lying on the floor when I broke through"  "and i pulled you y/n, did you felt me? did you heard me y/n? I pull you in to feel your heartbeat and i couldnt hear a damn thing"  "did you hear me screaming?"  "Please don't leave me"

Hoshi

"It's not true. Even today i can't accept that its true"  "y/n, please tell me I've been lied to, that you are still here, that you are still alive and well somewhere"  "Crying isn't like me, but i didn't stop ever since you left"  "What the hell did I do?"  "I love you but I don't want to"  "this hurts so much"

The8

"Hey y/n how have you been? Have you been sleeping well? have you been eating well?"  "I hope you are wearing that hoodie i gave you. I am wearing the one you gave me. as a matter of fact i dont have the heart to remove it"  "I hope you bribed the door on your way to the sky. I know god wouldnt mind it"  "y/n wait for me yeah? I miss you. Dont cry for me. The end is near”

Jun

"Hey y/n"  "sorry i am only talking to you now.. ah, i may have fucked up ahah"  "I am currently laying in the silence, waiting for the sirens of the ambulance"  "yeah.. i fucked up.. but i missed you so much"  "I'm alive still.."  "I don't wanna lose it but i cant bare being apart from you"  "but I'm not getting through this.. y/n what should i do?"  "should I pray? to whom? to myself? to a God?"  "y/n.. help me"

Dino

"miss your touch every nights y/n.. lately i have been feeling a little hollow. And you how have you been feeling?"  "I know you crossed the bridge that I can't follow, but hey brat, you could have said goodbye"  "but now we cant change the past.. the love that you left is all that I get"  "I want you to know that, if I can't be close to you, I'll try settle for the ghost of you"  "I miss you more than life"

Woozi

"I am sorry i keep texting you. i just hate you so much right now.” ”never saw it coming, I couldn't read the signs that you werent okay and fuck this.. i hate myself"  "Now I know that it means nothing"  "you are always on my mind y/n"  "the others are trying to tricked into believing that everything will work out in the end"  "fuck them. You were the only one for me"

Joshua

"Hey baby how are you? I am not doing good ahah.."  "All I want is nothing more but too hear you knocking at our appartment door"  "if I could see your face once more y/n, I could die a happy man"  "When you said your last goodbye that night, when that fucking disease took you, i swear to all angels I died a little bit inside"  "y/n, i miss you so much and all i do is lay in tears in bed"  "I never felt so alone"  "But if you loved me, why you leaved me?"

Jeonghan

"Yo brat.." “Woozi and Joshua made me text you.. tsk they are idiots.."  "but hey brat.. you were the light to my shadow, did you know?"  "fuck god to take my star. another star they say, fuck them. you are fading away in my memory"  "Where are you now brat? Are you okay?"  "Please... y/n."

DK

"y/n I think I lost myself again"  "But I remember you told me to stay strong and Seungkwan has been nagging me to eat more"  "But I wish you would be the one telling me that"  "y/n tell me why our love is six feet under ground? Are you cold down there?"  "I will go to your grave tomorrow.. Wonwoo told me to watered the Dahlias"  "Would they bloom?"  "It's all too much for me"  "How could you die carelessly? Whos gonna take care of my heart now?"

Seungkwan

"Hey baby"  "i decided to text you bc sunday mornings were your favorite and we used to meet with the gang"  "your last sunday you did your hair up, you looked so pretty"  "y/n, I have been screamin at a God for the past weeks"  "I'm still holding on to everything, I don't wanna say goodbye bc this one means forever"  "I don't want to say goodbye so please.. come back to me"

[persephonememes]

* (  THE GOOD WITCH BY MAISIE PETERS /  SENTENCE PROMPTS

" it's still me here "

" did you think i forgot about you? "

" i'm still upset "

" it's armageddon "

" i'm still a good witch with her tea "

" all i do is think about the past "

" i still argue like my mother and suppress stuff like my dad "

" i still miss you "

" i still miss you but i know now it will pass "

" i will try forgiveness, but i will not forget "

" was it a love affair? "

" i couldn't escape you "

" if it was a first kiss how come it felt like a snakebite? "

" i wish i would've seen it sooner "

" why did it take me ages to say it? "

" i'll leave you behind but that don't mean it's easy "

" nobody actually happy and healthy has ever felt so desperate to prove it "

" i feel like all of my exes have done that "

" it felt like a face slap "

" it keeps hurting "

" you're still there "

" you look better "

" what the fuck? "

" you still get to me "

" you got every single thing you want "

" you are pretentious "

" i gotta get my act together "

" i know that i should know better "

" i don't think i wanna get better "

" i just keep looking back at you "

" it sawed me right in half "

" now you're living the goddamn dream "

" you were it for me "

" i know i gave you all of myself "

" i'm watching you moving on "

" do you love her/him/them? "

" the worst way to love somebody is to watch them love somebody else "

" was I just an idea you liked? "

" i still can't make it make any sense "

" i thought it would be us for life "

" how's it feel to have made me cry? "

" will you tell me just one more lie? "

" loving you was easy, that's why it hurts now "

" i was treading water till the minute we met "

" i know it didn't last "

" i still want you back "

" maybe that's for the best "

" i am not allowed to want you any longer "

" i'd be yours again tomorrow if you wanted "

" i bet you've thrown away our photographs "

" you look like a superstar "

" it was letting go of everything but you "

" i hadn't thought of home twice "

" if we're living the dream, i hope we never wake up "

" i take in clowns like a one-woman circus "

" you're kinda awful, but you're not awful on purpose "

" oh, mr bruce wayne, where is that cape now? "

" don't you know that you're losing this? "

" don't you see what i'm giving up? "

" you can't even text "

" what did you expect? "

" i'm on a one-way trip to take over the world "

" you could've come, but your head's in the sand "

" you pushed me out quicker than it took me to put my jeans on "

" maybe you're lost and just can't see what you have but i'm not gonna wait "

" don't you see what what you're giving up? "

" i'm not holding my breath "

" i know how your tone works "

" i know you remember "

" i'm the best thing that almost happened to you "

" i'm the greatest love that you wasted "

" we could live off of magic and maybes "

" you're evasive on the phone "

" i'll still flinch at the sound of a door "

" i could love you and wait 'til you're ready "

" what happened here? "

" you swore a lot of things "

" i've been lied to before "

" i've heard some things that i will leave unrepeated "

" if a man says that he wants you in his life forever, run! "

" i wish i'd known "

" i wish i hadn't let go "

" when we said goodbye, i wish i hadn't let go "

" you were driving fast, i was holding back "

" i loved you, babe, but i bet you knew that "

" you said we're like your mom and dad "

" i was yours so fast, i was scared so bad "

" i loved you, did I tell you that? "

" but if I'm tricky, why'd you kiss me? "

" love's a verb and not a bandage "

" i'm good at pretending "

" i kept it in but it wrecked my organs "

" so pour the gin "

" i'm gonna throw you down the river "

" if you don't love me, what was april? "

" it broke me big time "

" i've been treated carelessly "

" in the bed of poison oak you were the remedy "

" i couldn't ask anymore "

" i know it's wrong "

" but now you're gone, i can't sleep "

" i'm just talking to your memory "

" you swore that you'd be there for me "

" now your touch will last for centuries "

" at least I had you for this long "

" you gave me the world "

" you gave me your word "

" it built me like a promise 'til it broke me like a curse "

" i knew loving you was letting you leave "

" i'm dating but just dating for sport "

" i'm doing better "

" i thought i gave you the best of me "

" i can finally breathe "

" the love we had was eating me whole "

" i don't need your light to be lit "

" i just should've known when to quit "

" now i'm over the worst of it "

" i tried to rewrite it, but i can't "

" i've pleaded with the powers and their plans "

" the men start wars yet troy hates helen "

" women's hearts are lethal weapons "

[specialinterestshows]

If you have time and want to, I would love to read a dom!becky x brat!reader, where reader tells beck to “make me” 🫣

Anything for my babe 💜

-

The following is a dom!Becky Lynch x brat!gn!reader smut.

Warnings for this ficlet: BDSM (Daddy kink, dirty talk, brat-taming, choking, hair-pulling, face-slapping, spanking)

Brat Time, Becks

Winning and defending the NXT Women's Championship belt had kept Becky from being able to see you as often as you would like. Knowing she sometimes had to leave for stretches at a time didn't make it any easier on you when she was gone. Even now, as you sat next to her on the bed, she seemed miles away - lost in thought and occasionally checking her phone. Frustrated, you sighed loudly and let yourself fall backwards onto the bed.

"What's wrong, love?" Becky's sweet Dublin lilt met your ears as you stared at the ceiling and pouted, "I thought that you were happy to see Daddy again."

"You don't seem like you're happy to see me," you mutter, remembering how she wouldn't take her eyes off you whenever you had first started seeing each other. Becky had always had her responsibilities as a professional wrestler, wife, and mother, but it wasn't until recently that you had started feeling like a bit of an afterthought.

"Of course I'm happy to see you," she insisted as you continued to stare at the ceiling, "Oh, come on, you're not even gonna look at me?"

"You haven't been looking at me," you said, "I'm not looking at you."

"You better fix that attitude before I fix it for you," Becky warned, sounding less sweet with every word.

"I don't have an attitude," you scoff, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at her, "I barely even have a domme."

“Alright, that's enough out of you," Becky snaps, standing up off the bed and undoing her pants as you watch her reveal the strapon she was wearing underneath, "Get on your knees and suck Daddy’s strap to apologize.”

“Make me,” you challenge her, not moving a muscle.

Grabbing your throat with one hand, Becky briefly lifts you up while choking you and throws you to the ground. You hardly have time to recover before her fingers grip your hair and she pulls, forcing you to look up at her.

"What's the point of owning my own personal plaything when I've got to do all the work myself, hm?" Becky asked, her free hand moving down to the toy on her harness, "Let's see if Daddy can fuck some obedience into ya."

Before you can respond, the toy is shoved inside your mouth, Becky's other hand gripping your hair as well. Moaning around the toy being used to fuck your mouth, you can't help but savor the feeling of her eyes on you, unwavering. You did your best to keep eye contact as she thrusted in and out of your mouth, chuckling whenever she slid in deep enough to make you gag.

After she seemed satisfied, Becky pulled her strap out of your mouth, watching the strand of drool that connected you to it stretch until it broke.

“Check-in time,” she said a bit less aggressively, sliding one hand down to hold your face, “Color?”

“Green,” you breathe, consumed with desire as she held your gaze.

“That’s a good pet,” Becky praised you, “Now are you done being a brat?”

“Are you done ignoring me?” you hear yourself say before the hand that gently held your face lets go to smack your cheek.

“Wrong answer,” she growled before pulling you back up to your feet by your hair.

Before you can find your footing, Becky bends you over the edge of the bed. Keeping you down with a firm hand on your lower back, her other hand smacks your ass hard.

“Apologize,” Becky demanded, bringing her hand back down again with a loud slap, “Now.”

“But-“ you start to protest, only to be cut off by another hard spank.

“Apologize,” she insisted, bringing her hand down on you again.

“Sorry, Daddy!” you finally cry out, wincing at the sting of the last slap, “I’m sorry for being a brat.”

“There,” Becky said softly, gently massaging your sore spots, “Was that so difficult?”

[end fic]

[telomeke]

15 people, 15 questions

I got tagged by @colourme-feral (at this link here), @pandasmagorica (at this link here), @wen-kexing-apologist (at this link here), @dribs-and-drabbles (at this link here), @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas (at this link here) and @airenyah (at this link here). Thanks for tagging me guys! 🥰 Hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season. 💖🎄

‌

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not anyone in particular; Mom's dad set out the names for the children of his sons but not his daughters. So Mom gave me a name that incorporates the concepts bright and strong. I sometimes like to think I was named after a laundry detergent. 🤣

2. When was the last time you cried?

I can't remember exactly… I never used to cry, not at stories or movies, unless they involved dogs dying (because that was my first exposure to grief, when my little furry boy died on me during my teen years). After more family members passed away though, I felt my core shift and now know what it is like to be moved to tears by a more human-centric grief and loss (I think I wasn't allowing myself to feel that before, as part of that armor you put on when out in the world as an adult).

And ever since I learnt my lessons I've cried a lot more often, sharing heartfelt moments with characters on the page or on the screen because I'm less afraid of showing emotion (as in, I no longer think of it as some kind of weakness). I think the last time I cried may have been watching Last Twilight? When I watched tough guy Mhok shedding his hard protective shell to love Day unconditionally, with the motivations behind his acts of love going mostly unnoticed and unseen by the object of his affections – e.g., the sunflower just before August turns up late, setting up Day's surprise birthday party and basically giving him away to others when you know his heart is telling him to keep Day for himself. 😢 (I've not watched Ep.7 yet, so I don't know if the meaning of any of this will change moving forward, or if there are more tears in store though.) And yes, I think the last tear I shed was when Mhok grabbed Day to kiss him at the end of Ep.6, to prove that he was loving him truly for his own sake, not plying him with secondhand emotion out of pity as Day had been led to expect from the world.

I may write more about Last Twilight in the future… It's easy to think of romantic love as a gift to be received, but Mhok really does exemplify that the human nature of love is rather more tied to wanting to give of oneself, and (for romantic love at least) that experience only achieves its fullest completion when it is met with the recipient giving you their love in return (or crushing your heart with rejection or indifference instead). And I do see the parallels between love rejected and grief; "grief is just love with no place to go" rings so very true.

3. Do you have kids?

No I don't, and it is maybe the one regret in life I will allow myself. "No regrets" is a great motto to live by, but if I could do things over again I might choose to have kids (whether my own biological kids or my own adopted ones; I'm a little too far gone and set in my ways to consider this now though). Never wanted kids before (noisy, troublesome, a dampener holding you back I told my younger self) – but when my nephew came along it was like somebody flicked a switch and I realized it was OK to feel that kind of unconditional love for another human being, for no other reason than the privilege of loving them. And I think being a parent (unlike a romantic partner) allows you to love truly unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Used to like playing soccer/basketball/badminton as a kid, but only unseriously and very badly. Nowadays I swim a lot and the gym is my second home (but I'm not at all some bulked-up gorilla; I don't have the genetics nor the inclination to abuse my body with steroids, which is the only way to look like the bodybuilders and fitness models IMO). But exercise does wonders for your mental health in addition to your physical fitness; it's been my refuge whenever things got horrifyingly stressful in life by providing an outlet for stress, plus endorphins to make you feel better. It just doesn't feel like it would be any good when you're going through it, but you can sense it after. Which is also part of why it's so hard to get yourself up and exercising when you're down; the hardest part is overcoming the inertia that is doubly weighted whenever life is stressing you out. I always have to remind myself that the more I don't want to go to the gym, the more it is I probably need to go.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sarcasm? What, ✨MOI✨? (Yes I'm being sarcastic here. I can be a bit too barbed with people I know, so I've learnt to pare it back, but my propensity for sarcasm has done me no favors in the workplace. It's also why I understand people putting up hard-shell defenses – shoutout to Pran in Bad Buddy and Mhok in Last Twilight.)

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I think their general demeanour and what their overall body language is conveying.

7. What’s your eye color?

Darkest, darkest brown; so dark it looks black in all but the brightest light. You can't see where my pupils end and my irises begin.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way. Don't like horror movies and I won't pay to watch them.

9. Any talents?

I have a number of interests, but whether or not I have any talent in them is for others to judge because – even though I'm proud of some of the things I've done – my ever-critical perfectionist's eye can never fail to see flaws and things I could've done better. Everything is always falling short in some way. So my interests are: languages and linguistics (I can handle a few languages, but only a couple have acceptable fluency while the rest are still in pretty rough shape, IMO). Love to write (in English only, more focused on fact than fiction, but even then the inspiration doesn't always flow). I have an ear (but not an abiding love) for music, so I will often be singing if I'm alone and need more than silence around me. I'm interested in biological sciences (wanted to be a palaentologist as a little boy; isn’t that every kid's dream at some point?) – animals, plants, and nature fascinate me. I used to like dabbling in visual arts, but that's been deadened a bit by having to work with some of that in my job (maybe that's why the visual aspects of BL will always fascinate me though). And I think I do have a knack for research, looking things up and putting facts together so that they can convey some kind of message or bigger truth.

10. Where were you born?

In the delivery room of a maternity ward. My roots are in Asia though, if that's what this question is getting at. 😆

11. What are your hobbies?

Scrolling through Tumblr takes up way too much of my time, but yes that is one of my hobbies. I watch BLs now and then, and from that I go on to do the odd write-up about aspects that interest me (especially culture, linguistics and BL visuals). Another current obsession is baking up fruitcake variations (part of the culinary landscape of the season) and this will continue as a hobby until I've baked it out of my system. I love to watch cooking shows, but I do this more to pick up tips on how to make my meals quicker, easier and tasty enough for me (I don't love cooking, but I cook a lot, to get around dietary intolerances more than anything else). Also – gym and swimming a few times a week.

12. Do you have any pets?

None at the moment. We had dogs growing up and I am an avowed dog lover. But when you're a working adult it wouldn't be fair to leave a dog alone for most of the day while you're out at the office, so I never got one after I began working. Plus dogs don't last long (15 years is already geriatric for a pooch) and I'm not ready to face the shattering grief when they have to leave you. But never say never... Maybe I'll get a kitty for a change? 🤔💖

13. How tall are you?

I'm tallish; tall in some countries, average in others. Taller than Singto, shorter than Ohm. 😆

14. Favorite subject in school?

Art and art history? We had a dream lecturer who made the subject come alive. Also a psychology elective that I took, for all its insights into the human mind. In school school it was a mix depending on my mood and the topic of the day: English, geography, biology, chemistry, mathematics, or art. Didn't like physics or economics at all.

15. Dream job

Something in research and analysis backing up the boys in The Sign. 😆 Or maybe volunteering at a charity to help with food/housing (but I can probably only think about doing this after securing my own retirement).

Onward tagging (I can't count so don't expect this to be 15): @7nessasaryevils, @crzshaly437, @faillen, @dimplesandfierceeyes, @neuroticbookworm, @greenreflections, @recentadultburnout, @thecleopatrawannabe, @nihilisticcondensedmilk, @allthegoodusernamesaretakenhuh, @lamonnaie, @non-binarypal7, @twig-tea, @williamrikers, @gillianthecat, @hughungrybear, @solitaryandwandering, @starryalpacasstuff, @rane-ab, @serafyne, @silvercrystal1, @tsukitsuki077, @5raccoonsinatrenchcoat, @vegasandhishedgehog, @reformedcharacter, @writerwithoutsound, @bengiyo, @gelofhellyeah, @shortpplfedup, @dc-alves, @zhaagdewin, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts and anybody else who wants to play! As always no pressure if you don't wish to play either.

If you've already played do tag me with a link so I can read your 15 answers too! 🥰 (And I left out some mutuals because I see you've already been tagged; let me know too if you've already played so I can head on out to read your post as well! 😍)

‌

[silkmothh]

Servitude journal: Forced orgasm

Our house has been the activity hub again, we've had people coming and going for the last 3 weeks and I've been a good, good girl this whole time 🫡 I haven't had a chance to touch myself or Sir this whole time bc he is so much busier than me and even though I feel bad Sir says I am doing such a good job keeping up and he's sorry he can't use me when I offer myself bc of all the busy-ness

Every day I get more horny, every rejected offering makes me wetter.. I'm looking at tblr porn every second I get. Work breaks, at red lights, in the middle of chores or cooking, on my walks, in the bath, in bed after Sir falls asleep, and the aching keeps me awake.. every rejected offering was just pushing me further and further into degeneracy. I've never been denied like THIS, for so long. Normally, my rejected offerings are met with an alternative. But this past month has just been "no, not now. No, maybe when I'm done. No, maybe when they leave, " I'm not breaking any rules looking at porn, as long as I'm not touching myself. And gosh, have I been looking 😅

But I couldn't take it last night. It was the last night before the house is back to regulars only. I haven't made a single offering in so long, I felt like I was going crazy. I was trying not to hump my hand or my blanket, I really wanted to go to sleep, my cunt was HURTING something fierce, and I was just,,, scrolling away on tblr. Until Sir stirred, and I damn near jumped his bones.

We couldn't fuck, and Sir was so tired. I begged just a little to be played with, I didn't care what he did I just begged him to touch my clit or put something in me or let me do it bc I was on fire. We wrestled around for a minute, I had to earn my chance at an offering.

I ended up tucked up close to Sir, I only got 1 hand and 1 chance to cum. I was to hold my legs open and shut the fuck up until Sir was finished with me.

I think I forgot how good Sir is with my cunt. He knows just the right places to rub, knows the perfect timing to keep me on edge ughh I'm already throbbing remembering.

The first time I get my command I tried really, really hard to cum but Sir started pinching my clit and labia so I didn't get my relief. He held onto my hair to keep me still.

When I got my second command I begged not to. I told Sir I wanted more play time. I wanted his fingers in me, I wanted to be used, I wanted him to break my brain and never let me cum again. I begged "noiwantmoreiwantmoreiwantmore no please take it back i don't want to cum pleasepleasepleadrpleass" and he just kept on. He pulled my hair to bring my head back down onto him. He told me to fix my posture, I had let my legs go and if I squirmed away instead of listening he'd make sure I'd regret it, if he didn't get this, if I didn't go through with my offering after begging him so desperately before-

And it hit me all at once. Waves of euphoria over and over. My eyes started watering. I got so still and squeezed my thighs so hard to keep my legs open "nononononono wait wait" but it was too late. I didn't want to cum but once it started I wanted more, I wanted to cum again. Sir laughed at me and told me how stupid I was. He reminded me that I needed him to decide bc I just can't make up my mind. He teased me about crying to be denied and then crying to be overstimulated.

I couldn't feel anything else but his hand on my cunt, the pressure just right on my clit, the occasional pinch. I could feel myself starting to slip.

But Sir got what he wanted, so we were done. Sir brought me back to reality, I couldn't drop into sub space just yet, but he promised he'd put me back once the house settled.

According to Sir, all I could say before I fell asleep was thank you, and how good it felt, and how I wanted every orgasm forced out of me like that..

I hope that's not true bc Sir seemed pretty into that last one and idk how many forced orgasms I could do 😵‍💫

[puckbunnyera]

Enough | Matt Boldy

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

pairing: matt boldy x reader genre: fluff, slight angst (?) word count: 956 warnings: kissing, but nothing crazy lol summary: to him, you will always be enough

notes: this is short and i kinda hate it but whatever. its late as hell and the idea popped in my head so i kinda just ran with it. we'll see if this stays up or if i end up deleting it.

• ──────────────♡────────────── •

Another night. Another failed date. And where do I find myself? The same place I always end up in. Crying in the arms of Matthew Boldy, my best friend since elementary school. Most people know him as Matt Boldy, number 12, up-and-coming superstar forward for the National Hockey League's Minnesota Wild. But to me, he will always be my Matty. The one guy who has seen me at my highest highs and my lowest lows, yet has stuck around through it all.

Unbeknownst to him, he is also the reason I have found myself in this situation more times than I would care to admit. Unrequited love is what everyone calls it. I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember, and at 22 years old, that love still burns strong. So what do you do when you fall hopelessly in love with your best friend? Sign up for numerous dating apps and go on a bunch of shitty dates that do nothing but leave you even more heartbroken than you were at the start. Listening to asshole after asshole pick you apart and remind you of why you just aren't good enough.

"What is wrong with me, Matty?" I sniffle, the ache in my chest still present even hours after returning from yet another disastrous date.

"What do you mean?" He speaks softly, hand gently stroking through my hair as I sit curled up in his lap on his couch.

The faint sound of cars honking and the city's bustling nightlife is the only sound creeping in from the open balcony door, filling the silence between our hushed whispers.

"I want to be enough for somebody. Why can't I just be enough?"

"Don't say that." Despite not being able to see his face, I can picture the frown of frustration taking over his beautiful features.

"I just want someone to look at me as if I hung the moon and stars, you know, like in the movies. Someone to hold me and cherish me as if I'm just a breath away from slipping through their grasp. I want someone to tell me I'm pretty and smart and funny without it being conditional. I want someone to love me for who I am and not who I could be if I just confined myself to fit their norms and standards." I ramble, sitting up to face him. "I want someone who will laugh at my terrible jokes. Someone who will wipe my tears when I cry and tell my that things are going to be okay, even when I feel like they won't. Someone who looks forward to spending time with me and misses me the second I'm gone. " I rattle on, words leaving my mouth faster than my brain think. "I want someone who kisses me as if every kiss might be the last. I want someone who will love me as hard as I love them. I want that someone to be you. But it can't be because we 're best friends. And that's all we've ever been, just best friends." I take a deep breath as I finish my rant. My chest heaving after my long winded tangent as my brain tries to catch up. And when it finally does, dread fills me.

"I-I'm sorry." I start. "I didn't-"

"Do you mean it?" His strong, steady gaze leaves me momentarily speechless. His words carry a hint of emotion but his face remains emotionless. Once the fog in my brain clears, I finally respond.

"I do." I nod, "I'm in love with you, Matty."

His eyebrows furrow, head shaking slightly as if he's having a mental battle against himself. After a moment or two, his lips part slightly as if he's about to speak. I brace myself for rejection, but it never comes. Instead, I'm met with the unexpected feeling of his lips crashing into mine. The initial contact has me holding my breath. However, it only takes me few seconds to melt into the feeling, into him, as one hand settles on my cheek and the other rises to the nape of my neck, pulling me in closer. My hands grip his shirt, trying my best to remain grounded.

The kiss is somehow tender yet firm. Desperation and passion seeping through every fiber of our beings. As if years of pent up feelings and emotions are finally surfacing, but uncertainty, and maybe a little bit of fear, still resides. By the time he finally pulls away, my lungs burn from the lack of oxygen, but I can't find it in me to care.

"I can't tell you how long I've waited to do that." He speaks between breaths, forehead still resting against mine.

"I can't tell you how long I've waited for that to happen." We both chuckle at the admission

"I'm in love with you too, by the way. I figured it was clear when I dragged you all the way to Minnesota with me. And I hope you know that you are enough for me." His tone becomes serious again. "You are more than enough. I don't know what was said, or who said it, to make you believe otherwise, but it doesn't matter. All that does matter is that you know how much you mean to me. And if you don't, I'll make it known. I'll prove it to you over and over again until you're sick of me."

"I could never be sick of you."

"I hope you mean that because you're stuck with me." He pulls me closer, if that's even possible, brushing his nose softly against mine.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I smile as I lean in for another kiss.

[unreone]

GORETOBER 2023

Day 15 & 16: Voodoo. Sewn.

CONTAINS -> EXTREME MALNUTRITION, LIMB CONTORTION, DISTURBING IMAGERY

I stare at myself in the mirror and see him... my twin brother, Shifty. He looks back at me with that smug reassurance I've been missing. I was almost tricked by my twin's apparition only to met with my own reflection -a gaunt face with bloodshot eyes, the bags under them from many nights of sleeplessness.

I dare not remember the last time I slept or ate. I smile weakly but it's more of a grimace, my lips dry and cracked from lack of food. My ribs are painfully visible through my skin, a reminder of the days that have passed.

I enter the underground chamber, the foul stench of my brother's decomposing body assaulting my senses. The stench mixes with the scents of the herbs and other materials I've used for previous incantations. I feel my body twitching and jittering like never before, a reaction caused by the overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety I'm feeling. I take a deep breath and focus on the task at hand.

In one hand, I hold a figurine of my brother, Shifty, built from patches of his fur and threads stolen from a remote accursed place. In my other hand, I hold the voodoo doll I've spent countless hours creating. I begin to utter the incantations, my voice shaking with fear of failure or consequence. As I feel the dark magic eat away at my sanity, a lump forms in my throat and I feel a tear fall down my cheek as I realize what I'm doing and what I'm about to do. The red strings I've used for the sutures in my brother's limbs begin to glow like red veins, the same way the voodoo doll in my hands vibrates to life.

I can't contain my joy as my brother begins to move, I'm used to seeing no results with previous rituals. Before I knew it, my emotions gush out without filters.

"Sh-Shifty?... you're back, I can't believe you're here again. Seriously, you're always so selfish. How dare you leave me alone for so long..."

My excitement is accompanied by hope knowing that the normalcy I craved for feels so close to happening.

Hope turns into confusion as I notice his reply is utter silence.

Confusion turns into into horror when I notice that his movements mirror those of the doll I hold.

My heart aches as I realize that my brother is not truly alive. I want to scream and cry, but my vocal cords have become parched from lack of use. I want to hit something, but my limbs refuse to move. I don't have the lungs to scream when I can't even breathe.

I crawl towards Shifty, holding the doll close to my chest. I cry silently into his fur, the clashing thoughts in my head confronting the reality I've been denying for so long.

"You're so unfair," weakly, I squeeze my words out of my throat, bargaining to the nothing in front of me. I slump to the ground, knowing how useless my struggles for talking are when the one I intend it for is long gone.

"I still need you," I voicelessly muttered, "It was always us against the world and it should always be that way... Why did you have to leave me? I can't handle this alone... come back... please... I still need..."

[release-the-mccracken]

Berquinn Playlist

Bert: Quinn ended up giving me a ride up to my parents' house. It was a beautiful night. I remember the moon was out and there was something different about this person that I'd met and I knew that we were going to write beautifully together.

I take your hand, lead you out to the street. To tell you that your golden hair and pale blue eyelids make me feel like I might go wild. Cheetah print makes me a liar. So I tell you I just like you for your smile.

Every time we lie awake, after every hit we take. Every feeling that I get, but I haven't missed you yet. Only when I stop to think about it, I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?

I promise it will be the last time, that I do all the things that I said that I wouldn't do last night. Then I lose my shit and I slam the door. And I ask myself, "what'd I do that for?" I wanna cause a scene just to feel alive. Maybe I'm only mean 'cause I know you're mine.

You got so down I couldn't get high. You make it harder and harder for me to know who I am, so this time I gotta hear it if you give a goddamn. Your violence feels like kisses to me. Your silence makes it harder to breathe.

You promise me Heaven, then put me through hell. Chains of love got a hold on me. When passion's a prison, you can't break free. Oh, you're a loaded gun.

Got a girl with California eyes and I thought that she could really be the one this time. But I never got the chance to make her mine because she fell in love with little thin white lines.

I'm afraid of all I am, my mind feels like a foreign land. I've spent all of the love I saved. We were always a losing game. Small town boy in a big arcade, I got addicted to a losing game.

Come to me in the night hours. I will wait for you and I can't sleep 'cause thoughts devour. Thoughts of you consume. I can't help but love you, even though I try not to.

The past few months were pretty rough, a couple times wished we both were dead. I never cried like that before. I thought my eyes would pop out of my head. Not just preparing for nightmares, but nothing feels alright now. The length of my hair or the fit of my clothes. And crying like a baby solved nothing.

This is the last time you say, after the last line you break. You say it helps you write your rhymes, whatever helps you sleep at night. You say that you love me. You won't remember in the morning. I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain.

And I ain't seen a light of day since, well, that's not important. It's been long. And I was feeling Whitney, me and my homies sip Houston. Cars and clothes, thought I was winning. You knew I was losing. You told me to wake up, but my clock always stays on snooze.

And I can't see you here, wondering where am I. It sort of feels like I'm running out of time. I haven't found all I was hoping to find. You said you gotta be up in the morning, gonna have an early night. And you're starting to bore me, baby. Why'd you only call me when you're high?

You missed a lesson on looking out for yourself, may not be on the up and up, but I'm on the up and out. So take me to the far side of the beach before it falls into the ocean, before you notice I'm eroding.

Can't walk into my closet without seeing your face. 'Cause all my favorite t-shirts are all your favorite band names. You put me in a Heart-Shaped Box, now you only ever call me when you're high. You know you ruined Nevermind. Now, every song's about you in my mind. But the worst thing that you ever did? You ruined Nirvana. And I can't forgive you for that.

I ain't seen the sunshine in three damn days. Been fueling up on cocaine and whisky. I wish I had a good girl to miss me. Lord, I wonder if I'll ever change my ways. Since you've been gone, my world's been dark and grey. You reminded me of brighter days. I hoped you were coming home to stay.

Never made the wind blow, never made a heart grow. Never made a dove take flight. Never made the sun rise, still can't get my heart right. Only ever made mistakes. So I can see the sunshine, breaking through the skyline. I can feel the warmth it brings, I can't help but stop and think.

Quinn: We made a tape and I remember driving around day and night listening to that tape. And just driving up into the mountains.

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #16

It's that time again! The Wednesday Radio prompt list!

There are some really good ones on there this week!

Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!

Also do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!

I know the sound, of your heart

Your lipstick stain is a work of art

On the doorstep like we've never been apart

I'm in the phone booth, it's the one across the hall

We don't communicate Can you not say what's on your mind

It's not about reciprocation

I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart

Is it all in my head Or was it something I said?

I know he's there, but I just had to call

I said, are you gonna be my girl?

I've got your ripped skinny jeans lying on the floor

It's good to hear your voice, you know it's been so long

You ignite all the colors inside my heart

But if you close your eyes Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

 a shiny diamond ring with your name on it

I been up against the wall so long, And the bonds that hold me here are strong, Yeah it hurts 

Talk to me Can't you see? I'm on your side

I'd like to talk when I can show you my affection Oh, I can't control myself

Would you wanna run away too? 'Cause all I really want is you

I still remember the day we met, I was hanging on your every word, I didn't think I would ever let, Somebody see into my world

Because I'm trying to forgive And now I'm trying to forget

I see it everyday You hide the truth behind your eyes

So you're with her, and not with me,

You look so perfect standing there In my American Apparel underwear

Say what it is you're trying to say But if you lie to me again I'll be the one that walks away

Oh if you lost your way And it drove you crazy, You would still have me, We work together you'll see, Blood sweat and tears

I can't believe I forgot your name

I was just a tumble went a little too far

I made a mix-tape straight out of '94

But it's enough to make a grown man cry

Everybody told me you were leaving Funny I should be the last to know

But baby in my head I'm nailing you instead

Oh with an aching feeling inside Cutting me up, deeper and deeper Fills me with a sadness that I can't hide

I could see the danger made it more intriguing

When she lays in your warm arms, Don't think of me

She's so sweet With her get back stare

My tell-tale heart's a hammer in my chest

And there's so much skin to see

Looking back over my shoulder I can see that look in your eye

I was bound for trouble when I let myself go

And if you close your eyes Does it almost feel like you've been here before?

I wish that we were starting over

I never dreamed it could be over I never wanted to say goodbye

Hope you know that I'm happy to see you

I know sometimes it will hurt And you wanna hate me

Oh baby won't you come again?

You're so conceited

With an aching deep in my heart

And I'm on the rooftop with curious strangers

You think that you're my shadow But you're glittering like gold

On my mind I can't wait anymore

Could it be that we belong together

I heard he spent last night with her

Every day it's a losing battle

Well I could see You home with me, But you were with another man

And I'm sipping bourbon The future's uncertain

It takes two imperfect people To dance a sweet ballet

We got no games to play So we got no rules

Hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire

Does it bother you now when I'm not there

Torture - my hads are tied it's, Torture - I'll survive but, It hurts so bad

What does it matter if I lie to you?

Don't think you're perfect either But I love you anyway

The world doesn't matter no when I'm with you

I said that I love you

And when I take my mask off It's you I want to hold

I don't regret it but I'm glad that we're through

Them girls put on a show But they will never know What makes you beautiful I watch them come and go

We'll bicker and battle and drown in our own sorrow

And we left things to protect my mental health

Can't hear what I'm dancing to Just wanna be with you

What kind of fool would keep hangin' around While you treat me this way

But you call me when you're bored

I'll hold you up when you fall down Even if you say I'm rude

Them boys got all the talk But they don't know a lot, You know my every thought That's why I make them walk

you're playing with yourself

chest tight, and I'm ready to go

And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love

[justplainwhump]

Break room

The wedding, interlude

[Dany's story] [The wedding, part 1]

Wrote this very introspective piece a while ago, and think I could just post it. Referenced characters Ridley and B are @hackles-up , as always. Bride!Dany, barely holding it together.

Cw - not really. Whumpee giving up, implied non consentual marriage (f/m), implied noncon touch.

It's too much.

The stares, the words, the hands. There's soft music, soft voices, soft colours, soft fabric, but nobody cares about the harshness right under the surface.

People congratulate me with perfect smiles, how beautiful I look, how lucky I am to have found a man like Ridley. I don't know what is worse. The ones who really seem to believe in the superficial lie this marriage is, in the image he wants to paint to the public, or the ones whose lips twitch sarcastically while they hug me and whose hands wander too low on my back, because they know what I am. What he's made me into.

It won't stop. It'll never end. I'm his wife now, but I'll stay his pet. Till death do us part.

Faces blur in front of me, words turn into sound without meaning. Smile, Leo has told me, and I do, I smile and I nod and I nip on the glass of champagne in my hand that someone keeps refilling. Ridley was by my side for a while, but he isn't any longer. Doesn't matter. Someone is always watching.

"Can't wait for the next time he brings you over," a middle aged man breathes into my hair, while shaking my hand very stately. I don't remember his face, but something to his voice lets me shiver. "You were a little... stubborn last time, though. Let's hope marriage made you a little more mellow, hm."

Before I can mumble a reply, the next one in line steps up, the next stranger hugs me.

"Congratulations, Mrs Lordin," she chirps. "You must be so happy. You've won the grand prize, haven't you?"

The world is spinning. "No, I'm..." I shake my head, reach for the corner of the closest table to steady myself. Shakily, I put my glass down. "I'm sorry, please, excuse me, I... I don't feel so well."

I didn't trust my legs to carry me, but they do as I all but flee the ballroom. The washrooms are in the basement, pink marble stairs, chandeliers, and plushy carpets. Golden rimmed mirrors on the corridor walls reflect my face, pale under the precisely applied make up, barely contrasting the white dress. Diamonds sparkle around my neck and from the tiara in my hair, bright enough to distract from the dull void in my eyes.

Danielle Lordin.

A perfect trophy.

They won.

I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the cool glass of the mirror, hoping it could just swallow me, open a portal to another dimension, bring me back maybe, to reality, my reality, my life, out of this nightmare.

There is no portal.

Just me, wearing a too tight dress and a name that doesn't belong to me.

"Fuck," I whisper. It comes out as a sob. "Fuck."

I can hear faint wisps of the music from upstairs and elated voices from the bathroom. Guests, enjoying themselves, celebrating my misery. They're about to step out.

Fuck. Whoever this is, they mustn't see me cry. I hurry forward, down the corridor. "Staff only", the next door says. It opens when I turn the door knob, and I vanish into it just as the washroom door behind me swings open. My ears pressed to the door, I can hear the chattering voices turn louder for a moment and are then swallowed by the carpet, heels clicking on marble stairs, as the guests return to the party.

I exhale in relief.

"Ma'am?" I stare into the wide eyes of a young woman in a catering uniform. "Are you alright?"

For a second, I consider laughing. The last time I've been alright was almost a year ago. Before I've met Ridley Lordin. My husband, as of today.

"No," I admit. "I'm not good at all."

She bites her lip. "Aren't you... You're... the bride, right?"

I manage a smile. "What gave it away?"

She blushes. "Excuse me, ma'am, I didn't... I, uh. Can I help you with something?"

Only now do I take in the room around us. It's fairly spacious, holds some lockers, benches and cabinets. There's a bunch of plastic wrapped uniforms on a coat rack. Changing room for the staff, presumably. The girl has dropped a bag to the ground. I can make out blue jeans and a pair of sneakers in it.

She is about my size, I guess. Little shorter, little more muscular. But I could probably fit into her clothes. Change my appearance, find a back door, just walk out and away. From the ballroom, the wedding, Ridley.

She notices my gaze, I think. She looks me down as well, then frowns, softly tapping her foot against the bag.

She'd do it. I'd only have to ask.

The scars on my hand are itching horribly.

It's too late. I'm Danielle Lordin now. There's nowhere left to go. I wouldn't make it. I couldn't. Not with B on the other side, either the first one to be sent after me, or the first one to pay for my rebellion.

Not with B on the line.

"No," I say, finally, shaking my head. I'm dizzy "No, I... I just need to rest for a moment."

[sammytheotakunerd]

I've just watched OfflineTV's hide and seek video (If you want to watch the video- T) and I have been reading the comments. There was one comment that really made my mind think into ideas.

The comment said was "When Michael and Lily met, it actually felt like they're the last survivors of an apocalypse, and they're seeing no hopes in survival anymore, ready to take each other's life."

What if Solomon was a Mortal and MC was his lover while There was an apocalypse. (Basically, MC is Lily and Solomon is Michael.) They were the only survivor left and Watching their friends die one by one by sacrificing their selves to protect the lovers.

I want to ease myself the pain then I remembered, I'm a WRITER and I could easily just make it into a oneshot or stuff like that, so I did. (I don't know about this being a oneshot because I feel like I'll write something like this in the future.)

TW: Angst, just pure angst. Swearing and No happy ending. This is just for all the people who wants to cry.

(And I don't even know this is good, so maybe comment or something like that? I dunno if I'm getting good or bad lmao)

Enjoy~ (More Under the cut)

-----------------------------------------------

The only two people to survive the terrible apocalypse were you and Solomon. Although you are fortunate to have a devoted and loving husband, you could no longer bear the guilt in your heart.

You feel hopeless.

Solomon feels the same. Your friends were the bridge between you and Solomon but how could they?

The promised you before the start of this apocalypse that you all would survive old age and be happy but where are they now? They're gone.

Every night that you would wake up having a nightmare on how your friends died was the worst feeling. You really are lucky Solomon was with you every time. If he was not, you know that you would be broken.

You shouldn't have been so stubborn to go with him to scavenge. Food was really running low. Solomon didn't want you to die of hunger. He can't live without you, you know?

As soon as he realizes he is in love with you, he is completely devoted to you. When there was something, he could have done to save you, he would risk everything.

That falls into this awful situation. You knew you caused this by dropping a can. It was loud, it wasn't loud enough to be heard by the zombies outside the abandoned grocery store. But it was loud enough to be heard inside.

Before you knew it, you and Solomon was running to the nearest exit. He was holding your hand, he can't have you dying on him now, can he?

Your eyes widened when you both stop at the exit.

"No way..."

You realized that the other side of the exit door was just bustling with zombies who was determined to kill and eat the both of you. Now you really feel hopeless.

Solomon saw the hopelessness in your eyes. He suddenly kissed you.

"Everything's going to be fine honey." He reassured you.

You were going to say something when he caught you off.

"So, let's get the hell out of here." You saw his face. It was full of determination.

You smiled; he really knows how to lift your spirits up.

"You're right but where do we go? This is the only exit." Your face was now turning a face just like despair.

You only saw him smile. "Not if it's the rooftop. Remember that there's a ladder going up and there's a ladder down? While the zombies are here, we're going to be escaping in the meantime."

You didn't think of that! He really is a genius. You followed him running up the stairs, his hand still gripping you like its lifeline. You trust him so much.

There was a secret ladder that can go up the rooftop and can go down. You both knew this because one of your friends was an employee here. The thought of your friend caused you to feel the guilt again. But not now, Solomon gave you hope.

You started to concentrate on how you're running. There's no use in drowning in guilt.

When the both of you got to the top floor, you started searching where the door was. It was hidden so not even the owner knew about it.

"Found it." You say to Solomon.

"Then let's go." He sure was filled with determination. When Solomon was about to open the door, you heard zombies running.

"W-why are they here?" You wondered how they found you but there's no time wondering.

Solomon fidgets the door handle. It got stuck somehow.

Solomon now turned it harder. It won't budge.

"No no no no, shit!" Solomon yelled to no one. He can't die, you can't die!

The door finally opened but it was loud. It was ok, the more the zombies come here, the less the zombies are going to be outside.

Solomon closed the door. It was hard, you guessed that it rusted.

You both turned around to see an empty room. you couldn't see much because there was no light, but you can clearly see a sight that was more horrible than the earlier problem.

"The ladder.." You began. You can't believe this. You can't.

The ladder was nowhere to be found. And the place where the ladder was supposed to be at looked like it had been removed. It seemed like the owner found out.

You felt so many negative emotions that you burst crying. Solomon was still reassuring you in this situation. You really are one lucky person.

Two of you slowly sat on the floor while he was hugging you. You both flinched when you heard the zombies panging the door.

"I guess this is the end huh?"

"Maybe I should've loved you more." You smile at him. Even in awful times, he ca still crack cringy jokes like that.

You laughed. "Then maybe I should've loved you more too." You two kissed, hoping to make each other happy.

You heard the door slowly cracking.

You heard the door burst and then all you felt was pain. It would've felt bad, but you were holding Solomon's hand. Even at the time of dying, he can really make you feel loved.

Solomon's hand never let go of you. Not even when the two of you became nothing but corpses.

[antlerquccn]

sentence starter from halestorm's album halestorm. change to fit as you see needed. potentially nsfw themes.

I'm in love with somebody, found someone who completes me

I'm in love with somebody, and it's not you

See these lips are all done talkin' to you

I don't mean to bruise your ego

Hope you understand, it's been a long time coming

I'm in love with somebody

Found someone who completes me

I know who you think you are

I've got someone who has raised the bar

I'll show you the door, no hard feelings

You've probably never been shot down before

I'll try and make it easier

You don't know that I know, you watch me every night

I get off on you getting off on me

There's so much left unspoken between the two of us

It's so much more exciting to look when you can't touch

I know how to twist you to bring you to your knees

I bet you wish you had me back

It was you and me it seemed to last forever

The way you taste and I still remember the sounds we made

Did I make your dreams come true?

You're sitting in a corner wondering what you got into

Your tears don't mean a thing

You're just too perfect for my hands to hold

If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away

And I just want to take your innocence

There's no such thing as fate

Only yourself to blame you never walked away

You're just too perfect for my hands to hold

And I just want to take your innocence

The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and...

I breathe you in again just to feel you

The sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison

I tell myself that you're no good for me

I wish you well, but desire never leaves

I breathe you in again just to feel you underneath my skin,

I don't wanna be saved

I don't wanna be sober

I don't wanna be saved, I don't wanna be sober

You made a mistake on the day that you met me 

I should've told you to leave cause I knew all the time you couldn't handle me

Can't help myself from hurting you and it's hurting me

When we both know that I'll never change

I wasn't always this way

Now I'm starting to think maybe you like it

I never was the kind of girl to trip and fall in love

I never was the kind to say enough is not enough

I never was the touchy feely, co-dependent kind

What were you expecting?

Are you kidding? You must be high

You must be high

I don't want your candy cause I don't like the taste

There never was a possibility I'd stick around

It never was my intention just to let you down

I never was the kind of girl that's good at playin' house

Are you kidding?

I'm trying to say this in the nicest way

It was just one kiss

It's a love/hate heartbreak

I thought boys don't cry

You're my perfect lie

I can't even think of one good reason

I can't even think of one good reason why I'm always thinking about leaving

I'm always thinking about leaving

We've been together for a few years now, and you know all my ins and outs

Everything's way too comfortable

From the moment I wake I plan my escape

I'm not scared 'cause I know there's something out there waiting for me

And I swear that I'll find it someday, just wait and see

I can't stay 'cause I need room to breathe

There's nothing left to say, better sorry than safe

Sometimes I wish you cheated on me

Sometimes I wish you cheated on me then leavin' here would be so easy

I know there's something out there waiting for me

I swear that I'll find it someday, just wait and see

Get on your knees and let the games begin

Before I do tell me, tell me what's in it for me?

Do my dirty work

My roses are in your hands

I need someone young, willing and able

You need someone old enough to know better

I want you to do my dirty work

You wrapped your arms around a murderer

I'm not the one you wanna give your heart to

This has got nothing to do with love

You wanted more than you could keep

You thought this was something else

Hey did you know you're makin' eyes with a murderer?

Hey did you know you're swappin' lies with a dirty girl?

You're gonna have to tell me where it hurts

I made you look but you never saw me comin'

Give it your best shot

Tell me where it hurts

Come on and give it to me

[bbrighterdayz]

Is it true that once you give your heart away it is theirs to keep forever? I haven't met you in four years, haven't spoken to you in three and the last time I saw you out a year ago, I just walked by you. But have you played a more prominent role in my life that I thought? Because even if years has past, my heart haven't been open in the same way. The girl you created, the naive, loving and caring one doesn't exist in the same way. When you met me my walls were all the way up and you somehow broke them all down. And no one managed to do it again. What I hate is the power you still have over mine, holding my heart there, still with you. And what I do hate too, is the fact that I had lived a whole life before you and a whole life after you but still those years with you left such a mark. When I found out that you are with someone else now my heart remembered the pain I felt when we separated. I remembered the nights I spent crying and hyperventilating. I never wanted to share you with anybody and now you belong to someone else, living just a few streets from me playing house. I've spent all this time trying to forget about your existence, but now you stay where I walk pass every day to catch my morning train to work. I got used to you being away, but now you are here so close but I can't see you. What a sick twisted fate. And I hate that at times I blame myself for us not working out, telling myself that I wasn't honest about the way I felt and that I pushed you away too much. But your heart was never with me, not in the way you wanted to. And now I see that maybe your heart wasn't the problem as you are able to give it to someone else. Now I wonder that if you never loved me at all? Or if you just played along because you loved the way I loved you? I hate that I can't be happy for you, but I somehow realized today that I might have been unconsciously waiting for you this whole time. Or is it just that I want her back, the girl I once was with sparks in her eyes and a love that was great enough for the both of us?

I hurt so much tonight, can I just please have my heart back? ( via @deijja)

[fyodorbootleg]

Hello, Gab

It's been a long time hahahaha, kumusta kana? I know that you are happy right now and enjoying life. I am sorry that we ended that way in the night of January, I was just shocked and confused that I acted that way. I am not mad; it's completely understandable and valid what you did that night, you have every right to feel that. I messaged you last night and waited because I can't hold it anymore and say that "l miss you so much" and I know I can't say that now kasi you have a partner na and nakakasama mo pa araw araw, and you blocked me right away; you said to me your DM is open for me anytime but I completely understand why you did that, I am not mad, I'm just feeling heavy for the last 3 months and I just really need to say it because I can't hold it anymore and I think I'm gonna explode if I let it keep it on me any longer.

I know everyone said "You will find someone better." But what they don't understand is for me only "us" makes sense and that you were never just 'someone' to me; you were my moment of clarity in a world full of chaos. With you, the simplest moments turned extraordinary, and now, the absence of your presence leaves a silence too loud to bear. I've tried to embrace the loneliness, to find happiness in the memories we shared, yet each one is a reminder of a future we'll never have. It's a journey of one step forward and two steps back, where moving on feels less like healing and more like leaving behind a part of myself. I know this isn't what I should be doing learning from loss, Yet, as I face each day without you, I can't help but wonder if "better" is just a illusion.

How do you let go of the best you've ever had, and open your heart to the possibility of a new "better" hahahaha

I know you will say to me if you read this "Move on from me" but Natatakot ako na baka hindi ko na maalala ang boses mo. Araw araw kita iniisip, dahilan ng araw araw na pagluha. At kahit alam ko na hindi kana babalik Kung sakali man mangyari iyon Ikuwento mo sa akin ang mga bagay na ginawa mo noong wala ako. Dahil kahit magkalayo tayo, gusto ko pa rin malaman ang mga bagay na bago sa'yo.

I really want to know

that sometimes I questioned the sky Do you ever cry over me? Just a sudden question I had in mind In your crowded, lonely city. Do you ever think of me again after we left? Or did you remove me entirely? Well, I did. I cried over you, not proud to admit it, I just can't get over you. All the things I shared with you All the places you shared with me with us going there It still ends with you because losing you took some humanity in me.

I always think of the first day we met and I can't help but dreamed a scenario when "Maybe in 5 years, decades, or 20 years later, our paths will cross again I will tell you how desperately in love I was with you and we can laugh about how we broke each other's hearts"

hahahaha such a dream I have. Maybe we will meet again, when we're slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right to you and you'll be right to me because for me, only 'us' makes sense, only 'you' makes sense.

Binabantayan parin kita, hindi mo lang alam hahahaha and I'm crying while typing this about you 3 buwan palang nakakalipas pero parang 10 taon na tayong hindi nag-uusap habambuhay kitang aantayin na parang ulilang aso hahaha and in the future; if you ever find yourself in the position to love again. fall in love with me, because I am here waiting you for all of that years.

Kaya if there are days when you feel unloved, please remember me I know we do not speak anymore but I still wake up every morning with new stories to tell you

and a love that waits for you I wish I could call you now and hear your voice. I understand why you wouldn't answer. but for a while it was love, wasn't it? for me it was love hahahaha I'd let you break my heart a million times I wouldn't want you to but I'll let you I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way.

And I don't think you even realized but you're the kind of person that fills up infinity, the kind of person whose happiness fills the air like rays of sunshine. The person that a thousand stars wouldn't compareto.

You're the kind of person Alex Turner and John Green would write about and the kind of in teenage literature novels with happy endings. The kind of person who never gives up, the kind of who teaches you what it is to love,

to hope,

and to feel. and I don't know if you know, but you're the kind of person poets write about, the kind of person no poem would be enough for.

I know you are thinking "Why would you wait for me", all I can say about that is It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.

We are the embodiment of "Right Person, Wrong Time" and I don't say it because it's not that i wish i never met you, but because it's that i wish i could've met you later on down my life. I'd do anything to meet future you. I'd do anything to meet you once you've grown up and realize what's important. There's no one quite like you. I hope future you is single.

Take however much time you need and If you're thinking "Why are you doing all of this" It's because you're it for me. Whether it's today, tomorrow, a year or decades from now, that'll never change," You are my poem and always will be.

And don't feel pressured to reply on this hahaha, you can just read it and go on with your day

And lastly, I am just thinking the times when we are still together, and I only worry not that our love won't endure but I worry because if we live to be 100 and I get 80 years years with you, how am I to fit all my love for you into just 80 years and that is why I know there will be something after this and wherever that will be, we will find each other there just like we found each other here. Despite an ocean between us (literally) hahahaha and a million reasons we should have never crossed paths, the term "we were meant to be" is the only thing in the world I'm sure of.

Gab, honeyfangs, my bunny (hahahah), my Zing, Veena, my Jian and most of all, Bali, I will love you forever, for eternity and that still won't be enough but I promise to do that. I promise that I will be your everlasting home that you can come back when life gets a little mean to you. I love you for everything you are now and everything you will ever become. Spending my life loving and waiting for you will be the greatest thing I will ever do.

a certain someone, a place you can always call "home"

─ Dos

[ii-zi]

the only thing I want is to give up but i can't i can't for the life of me I can't I've never stopped cooperating I've never stopped giving it my all to make an effort and keep functioning enough to not let anything go but myself i absolutely cannot function without some semblance of normalcy and giving up is not anywhere near that normalcy god i just need some peace