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#i cant believe i managed to read all what the fuck
ladykyriaa · 9 months
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What the fuck I've read every web novel and light novel translation there is. Youre telling me I have to..
Wait????
For the next web novel and volume??
???
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triglycercule · 16 days
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me when i find the PERFECT mtt song (yamitsuki,,,,,,,, maretu my king how did you do it,,,,,,,,,,,,, literally HOW did you do it why is this song weirdly accurate wtf and its for a completely different character 2??? HOW DID YOU DO THIS??? THE ENTIRE FUCKING SONG FITS??? THE ENTIRE SONG COULD BE MADE TO HAVE CONNECTIONS WITH ONLY MILD REACHING??? HELLO??????) (this translation!!!) (the translation is not.linking i will be shooting myself. its the on on the vocaloid wiki NOTthe video....)
literally like. 1/3 is horror. 1/3 is dust. and then the last is killer. in that order. the first 2 verses talk about bloodshot pain (bloodshot EYES.... HORROR'S EYE) and a rotting fatal wound (THE FUCKING HEAD CRACK!!! HIS GODDAMN HEAD WOUND!!!!). commiting brutality. i dont think much else is needed. wrong/right and judging biases,,,,, jesus fuck wtf. AND THEN in the next verse there's a mention of "starving for necessary evil" HELLO!!!! HELLO!!!!!!! him starving himself while also feeding snowdin human which totally sucks,,,,,, horror sans,,,,,,???? chorus of shrill voices (duh snowdin. or also could be undyne and royale guard. i like snowdin more). and then the last line of the second verse mentions sadism. nothing more to say. horror sans i mayhaps perchance mightve just encountered you in a song. or maybe the translation is freakily accurate and the song itself isnt that specific (probably but hey i can dream)
and then th next 2 verses r dust except i dont really know about the first verse but also a line that says "this is the death of the conflict, come and see me" could be referring to the human's death which like. man. and then the next verse is just dust sans but in a single verse. give me more excellent pain could be interpreted as LV but also the mental pain that comes with yk..... killing all you love.LOVE. LV. he needs more LV... anyways. mad off the beaten track. MAD. MENTION OF MAD LIKE CRAZY LIKE MAD TIME LIKE DUST SANS!!!! echoes of a haughty voice resound,,,,, phantom paps,,,,, "severe punishment, 100 renouned sights, i long for pure pessimism" i cant explain this one well i think but just think about it okay. this time you get to be the one coming up with the ideas (σ´∀`)σ
killer only has one verse that i can link this song 2 but i also think its th most freakily accurate. verse 1 is "through instantaneous joy, entertain me for my whole life, i'm cunningly"LUCKY". i get completely bored. give me pleasure without worry. and now, right away." and then "i'd rather head to eternal darkness. i'll abide by you always, emptily "HAPPY". i shed tears from my clear white eyes. come and show me your best smile!" HELP HELP HELP THEYRE SHOOTING ME HELP HELP!!!! THEY JUMPING ME (these lyrics) because WTFyhis isFREAKILY accurate. the entire first verse and its spiel on boredom and having someone else manage the entertainment/emotions,,,, and the cunningly lucky part is just. i think the word cunning is just really good to describe killer (sneaky little bastard) and then he's "lucky" emphasis on quotes because idk he got chosen for whatever the fuck his chara wants. what luck. really bad luck but whatever. and then MORE on the following another person and EMPTILY!!! EMPTY!!! KILLER FEEL NOTHING EMPTY!!!! fake happy too,,,, and killer has white eyelights sooo IM NOT REACHING!!! also he literally cries
in conclusion MARETU is a god amongst men and somehow this song managed to fit the mtt i have no idea how. next coming up: how NAMIDA fits horror. how thirst fits dust. how i'm high fits killer. idk if i already said this one probably did BUT JUST IN CASE maretu also has maegamist,,,,, maretu i knew i listened to you for a reason. so i could make totally irrational and unreasonable connections of your songs to the fucking murder time trio of all things. what joy
#me when i complain about not listening to music in english and then i see this GEM#yk what... its okay i'll never get to understand songs on the first listen#its OK that ill never get to have it easy when it comes to lyric translations...... ITS OK!#i might totally be upset that i cant just point to a song and be like this is mtt or something because i have to check the fucking wiki#this is your sign to listen to more vocaloid. you probably already do but like. LISTEN TO MORE#last years spotify wrapped for me was all pepoyo can i be considered a true fan now#everysong is murder time trio if you reach hard enough. if you just SQUINT..... you can see them in it#cannot believe ive been listening to this the entire time and i never checked the lyrics to see#see this is why!!! im missing out on mtt content if i dont check lyrics!!!!!!!!#and the songs a fucking banger too. i love how dramatic snd threatening it gets on the killer section#idk i just think the chanting in the background is cool. and so killer. thats him btw. he's waving wave back to him!!!!!#i cant WAIT for Spotify wrapped this year.... im so excited to see#i already know who's gonna be number 1 (my queen pepoyo) but still#i found lonePi later in this year so i wanna know if lonepi managed to beat maretu or not. probably not idk#theres a lot of songs i consider mtt related. theyre in a differently filed section of music in my head than everything else#tricule rant#days of not posting about mtt has my brain thinking about them in overtime#or these are just built up ideas from the past few days i didnt talk about. eitherway a person that thinks all the time#i dont feel like making more posts explaining those last few songs i mentioned in the last paragraph#if you read the lyrics on the wiki youll understand. if not you need to adapt my mindset
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just-spacetrash · 2 months
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🦾
#blorbo thoughts... ive been so buckypilled for literal weeks (months?) now and idk where its coming from#i havent seen/read a marvel in years and even when i did see some of the movies#_I_ wasnt rly in the fandom it was my friend who always wanted to go see them#but oughhh bucky...... hes so important to me#hes so tragic and like ive been reading all sorts of bucky recovery fics lately#its very nice since theres a hundred thousand billion works on ao3 for him i get to be very picky#but idk how i got so attached???#like i said he was always my favorite but i never thought of him outside of the few hours i was watching a movie hes in lmao#now everyday im like waoww... this song is SO bucky#woahh im having a hard time picking what to eat... i bet bucky had a hard time making decisions after he was free of the brainwashing....#waoww a mask? just like bucky has sometimes.....#im not a marvel head but my friend did make us go see the endgame and every day im astonished at how they fucked it up so incredibly#like??????? first off i cant even think of steve going back to the past and leaving bucky in the present after all that hes lost already#cause it just breaks my heart in the same way end of the hobbit breaks my heart#and second of all what about peggys whole life in the past???? her whole agent carter tv show life???? her fiance????#are we supposed to believe a. steve just decides he gets to unwrite that timeline and marry her and b.#that undoing her whole life in favor of them being together is fair to anyone??? wheres her goddamn agency??????#its just so. but marvel movies are the epitome of undoing character development so idk why im even surprised#its just so incredible how theyre handed this super famous VERY FLEXIBLE beloved thing of MARVEL COMICS#and literal millions of money#and they manage to fuck it up so completely in every single direction#anyway im straying from the topic#i love bucky....... hes in so much pain and he gets to get better at least in my brain#my post#how embarrassing to get a marvel movie blorbo in 2024 but its not like i chose it to happen#i keep wanting to make a bucky playlist but i know itd have like 7 songs and thwn i never listen to it so i havent yet
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sanstropfremir · 2 years
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I love the fact that Yunho stayed true to his artistry throughout the years. Sadly the same can’t be said for younger male idols like Taemin or Kai, in my opinion, who strayed so far away from what we saw of them doing in their groups. And it got me thinking; how much of it is them and how much of it is SM’s marketing strategy? How can their group self and solo self be soooo different? For me they’re not selling their solo self well enough to convince me that that them you know what I am? It feels almost like they’re acting (yes, every performer acts a little bit) but with Kai and Taemin it looks like they’re both playing a role…
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#i genuinely do not know how to answer this sldkfsdkljfsldkjf#but you probably should have read more than one post on my blog before you sent this#considering i 1) have several of the top posts in the taemin meta tag#and 2) one of the things i talk about quite frequently is about HOW ACTING IS IMPORTANT TO GOOD PERFORMANCE#unironically: do you think every idol is totally genuine in their performances? and that 'playing a role' means something is bad art??#bc if you do you need to get a grip real quick darling bc i can guarantee that even yunho is 'playing a role'#...do you not think that human beings have depth??? that they can want to portray more than one thing in different performances???#look. if you dont like taemin and kai's solo work that's totally fine. you are allowed to have your opinions and disliking things is fine#but to say that neither of them are 'selling' their work well enough to you bc it 'looks like theyre acting'??????#kindly but what the fuck is wrong with you#what the fuck else do you want them to DO????????#taemin especially has talked a LOT on many separate occasions for many years now about how much artistic input he has and how he makes work#also also: literally WHO CARES if its sm marketing??  i'm here for the music and for the performances not some weird parasocial shit#i am under no impression that i know anything about these artists' personal lives or what theyre really like and i dont care to know#all i care about is the work that gets produced and if its good or not#text#answers#i cant believe someone had the audacity to send ME. A TRAINED THEATRE PROFESSIONAL!! the phrase ''yes every performer acts a little bit''#do you hear yourself. do you.#i almost thought this was bait bc you literally managed to hit every point i would strongly disagree with you on#like some kind of perverse internet argument bingo. i feel like i should applaud you. well done!#hall of fame asks
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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catgirlcrisis · 1 year
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dungeon meshi is over for real
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leafostuff · 14 days
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Double Mountain [Ft. Weeekly Jihan]
Tags: BFH, Quickie, Titjob, Soft Dom, Sweet talk, Teasing, College classmates to fuck buddies
Author notes: @defmaybe its your fault i am doing this, also yours too @4m1rz
Have a good read
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"Relax cutie, you are not making it easy for yourself"
Yeah, Easy for her to say, you're totally not trying to stifle your moans from how good Jihyo's tits rub on your naked member, how she is looking at you with that adorable yet devilish smile that only screams trouble.
Who would've guessed that the only reason she asked for your help in the girl's bathroom was in fact to help you jerk off, definitely not you.
"Hnghh...fuck" is the only thing you can mumble as she takes your right hand to rest on the back of her head.
"You are so cute when you groan like this..." She giggles at your respond then leans in to give the tip of your cock a teasing kiss, even adding a 'muah' sound to add salt to your 'injury' . "So cute"
Your cock starts twitching, releasing small amounts of precum which flows on the top of her mounds that makes Jihyo flash a wide grin
"Aww, you're close aren't you?" She asked, Don't answer, it's a rhetorical question. "I'm not stopping, just let it go and release, i want all of that cum on my tits". She adds.
Look down at her again, her pleading smile is almost irresistible to not oblige to her but the only you can manage to do is just groan from the pleasure yet no cum manage to come out.
"You are almost there cutie, do you need some help?" You can only nod, "Okay, i am gonna count from 3 to 1, when i get to 1 i want you to relax your mind and let yourself go" she doesnt wait for your approval, its not like you could say anything to her anyways.
"Okay...3" Jihyo tucks a couple of hair strands behind her ears
"2..." You close your eyes, feeling yourself getting close to that anticipated Climax that she is waiting for.
"And...1"
It works, and a long river of cum flows from your cock. on her tits, her face, some even gets inside her mouth and Jihyo starts giggling, like a kid in a candy shop.
You finally feel relieved, groaning one last time before letting the last drops of cum get squeezed by her diligent hands, then rising herself from your cock.
"You did such a good job cutie" she compliments you happily while straddling your lap ,leaning close to plant a soft audible kiss on your lips, "Lets get dressed before everyone sees us" she adds while giving you your jeans and briefs. "I will see you next week?".
"for what?" You manage to ask between pants, taking your jeans and putting them on you, she cant help but giggle at you.
"For the next time you need help of course~" she responds in a playful tone, smiling at you while her hands travel across your chest.
"and of course, one day i will need some...'help' of my own from you, right cutie?"
Something about the way she says that last sentence makes you believe this is not the last time you will meet her.
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cindyss · 5 months
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• - ARE YOU FLIRTING OR STARTING A FIGHT?- •
PAIRING(S): theodre nott x fem. reader
WARNING(S): smutt
SUMMARY: theodore and y/n are academic rivals, and when one time she gets into an argument with snape and gets detention, the slytherin boy finds a way to follow her there
A/N: thanks for 100 followers ily all 💓
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Everyone knew you and theodore were academic rivals, both of you had always been racing to be at the top of your classes for years now. However, you always were a few points ahead of him, so you always managed to find a way to brag about it.
You’d always rub your higher marked grades in front of his face, you’d tease him about it in the corridor, lunchtime, anytime, all the time. One class however, potions, was one you faced difficulty with.
Snape wasn’t the biggest fan of your house, Ravenclaw, neither was he of you. He gave you a hard time in his class, while on the other hand theo had it the way he liked.
One time in potions class, Draco gave Neville a potion which caused the Gryffindor boy to throw up slugs all over the room. This little show earned a good chuckle from pretty much everyone, and seeing as Snape wasn’t really trying to do anything about it, you finally snapped. “What the hell is going on?” you shout. “Calm yourself, ms.” Snape answered. “No, no! Look what hes doing to him, do something about it!” “Alright, shush now. This is my class, my business to handle, my choices to make and take.” He said, more angrily now.
“This is bullshit!” You shout. “All right, detention ms!” Snape shouts angrily. Just then, theodore punches blaise in the face, making his nose bleed. Holding his face, blaise speaks “what the actual fuck was that for?”. Theo then goes for another punch and thats when snape stops him using his wand, “alright nott, detention for you too!” you could see the little smirk appearing on theo’s lips as snape spoke.
Later ~
The both of you had to spend your night cleaning the library for detention, wonderful. You got there and to your surprise, theo was already there before you. You ignore him and immediately get to work, you wanted to be done and out of here in no time.
As you’re putting some of the books back, he approaches you. “You’re not going to ignore me the whole night right?” to that you dont answer. “But really, Longbottom, out of all people?” He chuckles. “What are you trying to say, neville is my friend and everyone always finds a way to make fun of him so i will not allow that to happen in my presence.”
You leave the slytherin boy in shock and he turns back to keep working on his part. After a while, he speaks again “You know that this whole problem thing with snape will cause you to fail his class?” he speaks.
“I do.” You scoff. “That means i have a higher chance of getting ahead of you and being at the top of the grade this year.”he teases. “I dont even fucking care nott.” You speak as you keep your face to the front, putting the books back in place. “But that wont happen.” He adds. You turn to him confused, “huh?”. “That wont happen i said.” He speaks.” “And how come?” you ask. “Listen to me, we’ve been academic rivals for years, every single time i was so close to beating you, but i never did, do you ever wonder how?”
You don’t speak, as you cant quiet understand what he’s talking about. He then proceeds to continue “i did it on purpose, i knew how much it matters to you, i read your diary in our first year saying how you were so bad at everything you’ve tried and that studying was the only thing you were good at, thats why i’d write the wrong answers on purpose. Id also steal potter’s invisibility cloak to sneak into the classrooms and change your wrong answers.”
“There is no way,” you say hesitantly unsure what to say instead. “Yes, you need to believe me.” “What the fuck, are you flirting with me or tryna start a fight?” He tilts your chin to look up at him, “i never wanna fight with you, i just want you to be happy.”
Just then you lean in closer and connect your lips. He kisses you back, tongues colliding, his hands land on your hips and he pulls you in closer. He pins you to the bookshelf and starts leaving wet, hungry kisses on your neck and collarbone. You moan at the feeling and grab his hair, to which he responds by biting the skin on your neck, slowly, then more aggressively. “Theo, i wanna thank you for what you did” you speak in between moans. “I wanna pleasure you please.” “You’ll only pleasure me by doing what i ask you to do, let me give you head until you forget your name, cara mia.”
Just then he lifts you so that your legs rest on his shoulders, he raises your skirt and lowers you panties. “God you’re already so fucking wet f’me bella.” He says as he begins trailing kisses around your pussy. You arch your back a bit, wanting him to eat you out already to which he chuckles before he begins teasing your folds with his tongue.
He licks your folds then keeps a hand on your thigh to make sure you don’t fall before he adds three fingers inside you all in one go. “HOLY FUCKKKK” you scream and squirm and squeeze around him, only burying his face deeper into your pussy as his tongue and fingers work in sync. You feel your climax building already, “im gonna cum, theo.” You moan as theo speeds his movements. “FUCKK, OH SHIT YEAH JUST LIKE THAT.”
You release and theo licks you clean. He then shows you some of your come on his fingers and he makes you lick them off his fingers. “You taste so fucking good,” he speaks, kissing you. You moan into his mouth then speak “let me give you head, please, i promise to swallow everything.” He breaks the kiss and smiles at you before beginning to remove his pants. You kneel between the boy, who’s now sat on a chair, and find the lace of his boxers.
You pull them down to reveal his hard, throbbing cock. You begin leaving trails of kisses along his v line. Then, you grab his cock and begin massaging it. He leans down to kiss you as you’re playing with him. You palm him and feel his dick twitch at your touch, then you take most of his length in one go. He moans loudly at the feeling as you lick around, sucking better than ever.
You allow your head to move up and down as you try to take more of his length, your nails digging into his thighs. He tugs at your hair, his fingers playing with your brown curls. The slytherin boy then pushes your head completely making his cock hit the back of your throat.
You gag loudly, the sound sending shivers down theos body. As a result, he throws his head back, moaning as you quicken your moves. “Ohhh, my god ‘hm, yeah, please.. mm.. hmh.. fuckkk just like that principessa.” The boy now a whining, whimpering mess. him moaning like that oml.
Without warning, he cums into your mouth. You look up at him between your lashes, your eyes filled with tears. He smiles down at you, watching you swallow everything. He then carries you and places you on his lap, “good girl, that was fucking awesome, tesoro (sweetheart).”
“I wanna make you cum one more time tonight, i know you have one left.” he speaks. “Only if you promise to come inside me.” You announce. He chuckles and nods as he begins removing your shirt. He removes it then proceeds to remove your bra.
Your boobs fly out, bouncing, also revealing your hard tits. He immediately lays his mouth on your breast, pleasuring your left boob, licking and sucking on it endlessly. He also used his other hand to pinch and play with your tit on the other side. This man, lord. He was only playing with your boobs and he was already gonna throw you over the edge again.
He then pleasured the other boob similarly, licking, sucking, and biting before he started leaving a trail of kisses all the way up to your neck. He then held your hips and slowly begin lowering you onto him, you were able to get most of him in the first time. Then, he gave you time to adjust before pushing more of himself in. You moan when you have his whole length in and then when you get used to his size, you begin riding him.
As you begin riding him slowly and carefully, he groans slightly at the feeling. Theo then places his fingers on your clit and starts rubbing hard which makes you feel yourself cum start to form. “Im gonna cum again teddy..” you announce. “Do it, f’me cara mia.” You speed your movements and so does he, you begin moaning at the speed of things to which he kisses you to stop the moans from being too loud.
Then, theo uses his hips to thrust deeper into your so that you’re practically bouncing on him. That is followed by him sucking on the sensitive skin on your neck, biting and licking it until you scream as you release onto him. As he’s helping you ride out your climax, you moan his name making him groan and cum inside of you.
The boy then grabs your face and kisses you hard, “i fucking loved that,” he speaks. “So did i” you smile back at him. Just then, you hear a sound coming from somewhere to which you both jump in fear and begin getting dressed. You manage to put your skirt and shirt on, but the slytherin boy only his pants before mr lupin appears.
His eyes widen in surprise at the site of the boy half naked, “a little hot mr nott?” “uhh.. yes sir” he says hesitantly. Remus then chuckles, “im gonna let it slide this time but please try to do it in a more private place and finish your duties too.” You both nod before moving back to your jobs.
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caesium-55 · 7 months
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—seven days. [ iii ]
pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.
summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.
author's note: hi hello welcome to part three. i flunked the quiz. lemme know what you think. NOT BETA READ. NOT EDITED. this chapter kinda sux. can't believe i went through a breakup just last week and i still cant write decent post-breakup scenes.
tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab hope i didn't forget anyone.
masterlist.
you: *sent a link*
him: ?
him: what's this
you: benefits of crying
you: read it it's enlightening
him: some people do not cry over a breakup you know and that is totally okay
you: why crying helps.
you: 1. tears release toxins, stress hormones to be specific. it is good to let all the bad energy out.
you: 2. it aids sleep. no need for further explanation.
you: 3. crying releases oxytocin and endorphins. i know you don't know what an oxytocin or an endorphin is but they're happy chemicals.
you: 4. crying helps you receive the support you need from the people around you. EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY is okay, max. stop treating it like an STD.
him: it feels like an std
you: pussy
you: emotional vulnerability is a thing and it's normal so stop trying to be a big strong man when you're barely holding it together.
you: you may look fine now but i know you
him: please stop
you: no
you: 5. crying has a self soothing effect. very nice actually. it activates the rest and digest system.
him: what even is that
you: the parasympathetic nervous system
him: ??
you: this is why you shouldn't have dropped out of high school
you: education is important yknow
you: youre already lacking in three forms of intelligence, academic, emotional n social intelligence
him: fuck you im smart
you: fuck you 2 and yeah you're smart but only in geography
you: you probably can't do your taxes
him: im dutch so the company's account department do it for me by default
him: the american system is just weird
you: cant argue w/ u there
you: also, 6. crying helps restore emotional balance
you: see? you need that
you: yknow now that i think abt it you should consider seeking therapy
him: what makes you think i’m not in therapy right now
you: well have you considered getting MORE therapy?
You stand in front of the body mirror, holding the Red Bull polo shirt against your body to see how it looks on you for one last time. On your right sleeve, the word MANAGER is written in bold, white text. Because that was what you were. Just a manager.
In another universe this is not the shirt that you’d be wearing. The MANAGER would have been ENGINEER. In another another universe where your family has been well-off enough to continuously send you to karting school and you would have been the one driving the fucking car by now.
You know, if Max has even tried talking to Horner and suggested that you should be moved into the engineering team, then you wouldn't be stuck wearing this god-awful polo that burned your skin every time you wore it for work. Everybody reduced you as Max’s American manager and because you are American, most of them kind of just assumed that you're dumb, you know?
Does the world even know how smart you are? That you graduated top of your class, got the best thesis award, and that you had finished your masters just this year? Did they even know that a Japanese car company wanted you on their research team? That a NASCAR team wanted you on board as one of their engineers? Does Max even know?
Fuck no. He only knows that you're the best at ironing clothes and organizing his Google calendar and memorizing his entire coffee order by heart. He knew you're good at extinguishing kitchen fires and kicking ass in YSL Opyum heels. You doubt he knows that you can do Calculus in your sleep.
You can take it if the world puts you down for your appearance. But if the world puts you down because of your intellect? That's a different story. You'll take any insult to the face but not to your intelligence.
You have four days left in Monaco so you have begun packing already. You're right, everything did fit into three suitcases. Also, you haven't told Max yet. For some reason, you’re too anxious. Which is shocking to say the least because you never ever gets anxious when it came to Max Verstappen. You wouldn't have lasted this long working alongside Max if you were a pussy.
Max Max Max Super Max Max—
“[Name] here. Need anythin’, champ?”
Hearing a sob on the other end of the line immediately activates your fight or flight response. Your eyes widen and you toss the Red Bull shirt aside. Your legs leads you to the nearly empty shoe rack stationed beside the front door, grabbing the pair of shoes at the very top of the tiny shelf and throwing them on.
“I’m comin’ there. Hang on, Max. You wait for me, okay?”
He doesn't answer, just continuing to sob and the sound absolutely breaks your heart.
You run to his penthouse at a speed that will even put the RB19 to shame. Not even bothering to knock, you barge in and yell his name in the empty halls of his penthouse. You search in the kitchen. He's not there. The living room. Not there either. The room where his simulations are. Not there. You run to his bedroom upstairs.
The door is locked. Dammit. Panic overflooded your system.
“Max, sweetheart, you there?”
No answer, but you can hear a faint sound behind the door if you press your ear against the wood. Firefighter training covered how to open a fucking door when it was locked so this once again becomes a situation where you're grateful that you did that tiring and borderline suicidal volunteer work.
Max keeps a fire extinguisher inside his penthouse as per your advice. There is one stationed in almost every room inside his house. You knew there is one inside his room and another one just at the end of the hallway. You make a quick run for it and once you have the extinguisher in your hands, you run back to his door.
“Step away from the door!” you instructed while your mind mentally calculates your payment plan as you hit the door knob with so much force, the walls tremble at your strength. You're functioning on pure adrenaline. Your instincts only yell one thing and that is: go to Max. No one and nothing in this world will keep you from him. It isn't long until his bedroom door broke down. With one last final kick, it crumbles down from its hinges and you forcefully pry it open and sprint inside.
Max tucks himself in the tiny space in the corner of his huge bedroom, his knees shoved up to his chest. A 181-cm tall man trying to make himself as small as possible.
This is it. This is the bottled-up emotions he's been storing since Abu Dhabi. You cannot say you have not anticipated this. Max is bound to explode sooner or later.
Panic attacks have made a home in Max’s body since he was a child. That's what one gets when they’re parented by someone like Jos Verstappen. He killed Max’s soul and made the boy a machine and for what? To shape a child into a man, a racer that he wanted to be but failed to become at the cost of Max's mental health and childhood.
When Max looks up with that heartbreaking look on his face, you almost crumble. Almost, because you cannot crumble. Not when Max needs you.
Sometimes, you forget what it took for Max to become the champion that he is today. A childhood sacrificed for his dominance on the tracks. A whole lot of hatred from the people to become a WDC. And now, a love lost for his third consecutive championship.
“You came,” his voice cracks towards the end.
Your eyes soften, “You called, Max. Course I’ll come.”
You barely brace yourself for the impact that is Max’s body wrapping around yours in a tight hug. The man have literally launch himself from the floor to you at sixth gear speed. You stumble backwards slightly, holding his bed for support so the both of you won't fall down.
“Max—”
“No,” he whispers and his grip on your tightens as if he's afraid that you’ll slip away if he even tried to give your lungs space to breathe. “Don't speak. Stay.”
What Max wanted, what Max would get. So you shut your mouth, shuffle slightly so he'll be in a more comfortable position and allow him take whatever he wants from you. This will be the last chance he’ll ever do it anyway because in four days time, you’re flying to Texas.
You stay for what is probably hours in that position. Crumbled together on the floor, leaning against the side of Max’s king-sized bed. Your shirt is completely damp from his tears but you cannot even bring yourself to care about it.
“Your shoes…” It's the first time Max has spoken since the start of his meltdown.
“Hm?” you turn your head and your nose nuzzles against his hair, making you scrunch it up a little. His hair is tickling your nostrils. If you lean a little forward, your lips will meet the skin of his temple.
“They’re mismatched.”
Brows furrowed, your eyes move to your feet and see that Max is right. Your shoes are indeed mismatched. On your left is one of your Adidas slides and the other is your slip-on Skechers. You ran from one building to another in mismatched shoes. Fucking embarassing.
“Ignore them.”
Silence.
“You good now?”
“No.”
“Okay,” you say. “If you want to talk, I’ll listen.”
You hear Max let out a shaky breath, “Just stay for a while. Don't leave me alone.”
“Okay.”
Eventually, you manage to talk Max out of the hug. You're beginning to feel claustrophobic but you do not want to say it out right so you try to negotiate instead. That's how you and Max found yourselves inside his kitchen again. You're trying to replicate your Abuela's cheesecake, which she was known for back in Austin, and Max is…well, he's Max and he’s trying to be helpful in any way he can. If it's some other day, you'd have shoved him out of the way because you prefer working alone in the kitchen. Having eyes on you gives you anxiety. But given today’s circumstances, you do not have the heart to make Max leave so you task him with doing the little stuff like mixing things and throwing shit to the trash can nearby. And he does so splendidly.
“Thank you, by the way.”
“For what, baby?” You internally wince at your own slip of the tongue. Damn that habit of yours of calling people with affectionate call signs. Thankfully, Max seems to have not noticed it.
“For coming here.”
You shrug.
“I only did what you did for me in 2021.”
Again, your breakup with Leo was bad bad. You spent a month crying for a love lost and Max was there for you. For the most part, at least. You want him to focus on winning and winning alone that you pushed him away a lot of times but you appreciated how he was more obedient to your commands, that he held his tongue so he wouldn't piss you off even though he was not liking your words, and that he was considerate of you.
“I hope you won't go into fights though,” you chuckle. “Like I did after my breakup.”
He smiles, shaking his head lightly and you know he's recalling the memory. 2021 is a hilarious year for you, the Red Bull manager. You went viral after getting into a cat fight with a girl and a whole fist fight with her boyfriend.
You and Leo called it quits a week before Monaco and even though it had been four races since then, your heart was still in a quite fragile state at that specific race weekend. One minor inconvenience was enough to ignite a wild blaze of fire within you and nobody could extinguish the flames.
After Silverstone FP1, you were leading Max to the cool down room to brief him with Horner’s relayed instructions and someone had thrown a glass bottle towards the both of you while walking. Originally, Max was the main target of the bottle but you happened to have moved towards the line of trajectory and the bottle landed on your temple, hard enough that you stumbled upon impact.
You barely heard Max’s shocked gasp and shout of panic over the sound of glass shattering on your foot because the only thing you could register was the terrifying feeling of a thick liquid trickling down the side of your face and you didn't even need to see it to know it was blood.
The only thing you saw was red and it was on fucking sight.
Fucking Hamilton fan. Fucking Hamilton. He’s in Max’s way. He’s in your way. He’s the wall that was dividing you from your dream position in the engineering team.
You shoved the iPad you were holding to Max’s hands and marched down to the woman wearing the Merc #44 merch, swiftly jumping over the barricade and grabbing her by the collar of her pristine white Versace top.
The events that followed were too fast. You grabbed her collar. She pulled your hair. You also pulled her hair. Someone pulled her away from you. You tried to grab her, clawing her bare arms with your manicured nails. She screamed. You screamed back. You pulled out some curse words in Spanish as well because cursing her in one language alone is not enough. Her boyfriend appeared. A quick punch to your cheek. You fell to the ground.
The world stood still. There was a sting on your palm because your skin got torn from the hard surface of the concrete ground. You let a bloodcurdling war cry and your Dad would definitely be disappointed at you for using the boxing techniques he taught you for self defense purposes only to fight a guy two times your size.
Everything was a bigger blur from there. But you did remember the sensation of Max’s strong arms around you, stopping you from lunging forward again. He was saying sweet words to your ear to calm you down but your brain failed to intercept them so you could hear the words, could hear his voice, but not understand any of it. You remember Christian Horner's disappointed face that haunted you even two years later. You remembered feeling so terrified as you sat outside Christian Horner’s office waiting for the final verdict while he and Max and a few of the Red Bull higher-ups argued about your future with the team. You remembered hearing Max’s loud snarl on the other side of the mahogany door: “Did you see her face?! There was blood everywhere! On her nose, on her mouth, on the fucking side of her head!” You remembered the girl taking the case to court. You remembered fearing that you’d be sent to jail. You remembered that she lost the case because it was ruled as self defense and your injuries were grave. You remembered discovering that it was Max who used all his power and got the best lawyer to fight your case. You remembered the atmosphere in the Red Bull garage shifting when you entered it a few weeks later and everyone stared the bandages and bruises. Everyone thought one thing: of course, it would also take a monster to manage a monster like Max Verstappen. You remembered Lewis Hamilton, seven-time world champion, apologizing personally for the fight caused by his own fan. He didn't need to but he was so sincere with it that you cried when he handed you the apology flowers. God, how could you even hate this man? Your anger towards him was misplaced.
You’d been living with the guilt ever since, that you were horrifyingly violent for a day, that you were capable of killing for a day. And it could happen again. One day. God, you hoped you wouldn't have to see that day. You knew all your coworkers have been careful with angering you ever since. They're terrified of you even. Max should be, too. But then again, why would he when he already saw the horrors done by his father’s hands ever since he was a child? He was used to it.
“I won't,” he says, smiling at you. “I wouldn't want to add anymore problems for you to clean up.”
But you will not be the one cleaning it up because you resigned. You didn’t tell that to him though. Not right now. He just had a meltdown over Kelly leaving him and the news of his manager leaving him too will destroy him.
The cheesecake is a little burnt when you take it out of the oven but it actually adds more flavor to it so yeah, that's a win.
“We should drink,” you suggest.
“It’s mid-afternoon.”
“We drank at mid-afternoon yesterday,” you give him a blank stare. “With Alex and Charles, remember?”
He doesn't say anything as you make your way to his fridge and pull out two bottles of beer. Max has champagne stored somewhere but you have enough of those expensive champagnes. You need beer. Beer is good. Beer is nice. You're a beer type of person and it is time Max becomes one, too.
“I’m no scientist,” you begin, biting off the beer’s bottle cap. “But according to chemistry, alcohol is solution.”
Well, technically, edible alcohol or ethanol is not a mixture. Rather, it's a pure substance that happens to be a liquid at room temperature and typical atmospheric pressure. Pure ethanol is not a solution. Hard spirits though? That's a solution.
Beer is not a hard spirit. It's more of a fermented drink. But Max doesn't know that, though, so you don't bother explaining the science behind it.
Somewhere down the road, the two of you move to his living room. You use the Youtube app in his TV to search karaoke video and have the bestest time of your lives. You're screaming along some Daddy Yankee and El Alfa songs and Max doesn't know how to speak Spanish so he’s just vibing to it.
At 5 PM, you pull out Max’s expensive vodka bottle. Now this is the real shit. The ten bottles of beer? Those are just pregame. Max is already drunk with just those because he’s a pussy but you’re no pussy, so the only right answer is vodka! Viva la vodka or whatever.
Your throat gets tired of singing and Max gets tired from dancing, too, so you both decide to just go entertain yourselves in other ways. First, you introduced Max to beer-pong. He loses, of course. He sucks at everything not racing. Then, the two of you move onto chess. Max gives up mid-game. He cannot understand the rules. Then, lastly, you move to the billiard table Max owned. He only used it when the other guys are over and you do not even know why he bought it when he sucked at playing billiards.
“You know what Kelly said the morning before the race?” Max suddenly says and you look up at him, brow raising slightly. He’s drunk; his skin is flushed and he is all giggly and smile-y as he sits on the billiard table’s side rail and using the billiard stick as some sort of support stand to keep him from falling. You hope he won't accidentally poke himself. You're no better, too. Ten beer bottles and a few glasses of vodka. But you’re not as drunk as Max, and you still have a straight vision and you can still sink the colored balls into the pockets of the billiard table.
“Hm?”
“That it was unfair for her.”
You raise a questioning brow, “Why?”
“I bought shoes and they don't fit her.”
You blink. He laughs at himself as if he has uttered the funniest joke in the world.
“Three years of relationship gone because of a single pair of shoes,” he continues. “She wanted those shoes, too.”
Kelly….what the fuck?
“But that's okay. She….She made me open my eyes, you know? She made me realize what I truly love.”
“Racing.” It's not even a question. It's the truth.
Max stares at you, long and hard, and you look away first because you fear that if you allow yourself to stare too long, you’ll drown in those beautiful blues. This is enough heartache for the day. No need to add more.
“Hey [Name],” he begins. “If I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?”
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normansnt · 8 months
Text
The Prince
(Alastor x prince of hell!reader)
"HOLLLLYYY FUCKING SHIT (Y/N) (Y/N) (Y/N) GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WE ARE VISITING CHARLIEEEE" yelled your dad while bursting into your room.
You looked up at your dad startled.
"Thats great, but why are you yelling?" You asked while raising your eyebrow.
"BECAUSE WE ARE GOING NOW COME OOONNN" he continued yelling while taking your hand and dragging you out of your room and off you guys were to the Hazbin Hotel.
When you arrived your dad almost run in before you told him to tone it down he is still the king of hell who has to keep up a certain image.
This was your relationship in a nutshell. You were not at all like your father and older sister. You were calm and collected and were there to calm them down. And why you stuck with your dad? Because he was broken after your mother left and you kind of got stuck being his mental support.
You never blamed Charlie for leaving you had the chance you do that as well but you decided to stay.
Your dad entered the hotel and immediately hugged Charlie. You just calmly walked in after him.
"OOOHHHHHH YOU BROUGHT (Y/N)" yelled Charlie as well excitedly and gave you the same bone crushing hug your dad gave her earlier.
"Yeah...'m here...sis....cant...breathe" you tried to get a sentence out.
"OH yeah of course sorry"
"Its fine Im happy to see you Charlie" you smiled at her while dusting your button up shirt.
After this encounter Charlie introduced you to the rest of the residents including her girlfriend, who you were delighted to meat since Charlie always rented about her when you guys would talk.
But of course your dad managed to make that encounter awkward as well to which you just sighed a little.
Unbeknownst to you a certain radio demon had his eyes on you from the moment you entered. It was one thing that your attire was something he himself would wear and it suited your figure perfectly, quite old fashioned just like he liked it, but when he saw that seemingly you were the distinguished one in the family you have won his interest.
The way you held yourself with a straight back chin up, truly befitting a prince. He noticed that you seem to either calm down or hint to your father on how to act. It was a sight to behold for sure.
"And this here-" started Charlie nearing the stairs where Alastor appeared. "-oh, this is Alastor our beloved building manager"
"Its a pleasure to meet you sir quite the pleasure" said Alastor while shaking Lucifers hand and wiping it in his coat after.
Not paying a second more of his attention on your father he looked immediately to you.
"And this magnificent creature is the prince of hell himself I'm sure" he said while taking your hand and softly kissing your knuckles.
Your face got a bit read while he straightened back up eye contact never leaving.
"I am, it is a pleasure to meet you sir, I quite enjoy your radio podcast" you managed to get out after re-gaining your composure.
What you said was true, though. You enjoyed his brodcast, his voice, and interestingly enough your taste in music was similar, the jazz part at least.
Alastors eyes lit up at that.
"Indeed? Well I'm honored the prince of hell himself enjoys what I do, and please do call me Alastor." he smiled at you and took one of your hands in both of his while you guys just stared at each other.
"Should we do something ooor...?" Whispered angel to Husk.
However the cat was to stunned to speak. He has never seen Alastor act like this with anyone before. The radio demon was literally flirting with the prince of hell.
"WOOOOWWW ooookkkkk nononono lemme just...squeeze in here" said your father while standing between you and Alastor which was almost impossible thats how close you two stood to each other but he managed.
"If you don't mind I believe my daughter was about to show us the hotel so see ya later" said your dad hastily while pushing you away from the overlord.
"Oh, no, we built the hotel together we should show it together, right Charlie?" Grinned Alastor at the princesse
"...Ok"
"I wouldn't mind at all to show the lovely little prince around" he smiled at you and offered you his arm which you gladly took.
All this while Lucifer was glaring daggers at Alastors back as you two walked off chatting happily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WOOOOOOWWWW LOOK AT ME POSTING AGAIN YEAAHHHHH WHAT CAN I SAY I HAVE A PROBLEM
And you bitches too I literally uploaded my Hazbin Hotel posts minutes ago and yall are eating it up already.
I mean ofc thank you sm for all the love (🥹🧡) but DAMN yall good? Anyone need a therapist?
Haha, just kidding...we all do.
ANYWAAAYSSS
I HAVE SOOO MANY MORE IDEAS AND I CANT WAIT TO WRITE THEM AND SHARE THEM WITH YOU GUYS.
I'm also thinking about writing a pt.2 for this so lemme know if yall would be interested😎
I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies, gentleman and others, good afternoon good evening and goodnight🧡🦖
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ilwonuu · 8 months
Note
I seen and read
˖first time. k.yeosang
Can you make a san version and Seongwha version pretty please. I'm not comfortable showing my name. But I'll give me initials TC
YES YES!!! thank you for your request!! seonghwa version soon<3 I HOPE U LIKE
𖥔 ͙ࣳ   𓂃 first time. c.san
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summary- your and your boyfriend have sex for the first time.
warnings- protected sex,sweetbf!san, affection, kissing, hickeys, slight blood, overstimulation, squirting, first time, pet names(love,sweet girl, baby) (sannie), lmk what else 😇
authors note- this one might be better or worse than the yeosang one but make sure to read that one😘😘
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your boyfriend has never rushed you into sex. always making sure to take his time with you and not making you feel pressured. you feeling more comfortable with him than anyone you know. now that you are thinking that you’re ready for sex. you decided to bring it up to him.
“sannie?” you call out to him before joining him in your shared bed. “yes love?” he looks at you happily. “are you tired?” you ask biting your lip nervously. he shakes his head. “only a little love. why whats up?” he shifts more of his attention to you.
“well.. i wanted to talk about you taking my virginity san…” he nods at you listening intensely. “i think i’m ready for you san. i want to have sex with you.” you say trying to sound as sure as possible. “oh really love?”
you nod at him quickly. “you wanted to do this tonight?” he asked not taking his eyes off you. “yes.. sannie i need you.” you say playing with his shirt slowly pulling it off him.
“a little eager?” he chuckles at you. “been thinking about you all day sannie.” you look away from him. a little shy about how openly needy you’re being.
“should’ve said something sooner hm?” he pulls your shirt off you. he slowly kisses down your chest and pulls your pants off you. “i would’ve taken care of my needy girl earlier love.” he smiles at you innocently. he starts softly sucking on your neck.
you moan out his name at the feeling. “touch me sannie..” you practically cry out. “mm of course love.” he pulls your panties to the side moving you so that you’re sitting on his lap now. you back against his chest as his hands rest on your thighs. “let me make sure you’re prepared okay love? it’s your first time and i don’t want to hurt you at all okay?” he smiles at you as he inserts his first finger into you. he kisses and sucks on your neck watching as you squirm under his touch. “look so pretty hm.” he says watching your mouth fall open as his finger hits you deeply. you moan quickly showing him you’re enjoying the feeling.
“san-please more i cant-“ he is watching you from the side in awe as he slides another finger into you. “you’re so wet already love.. i just started touching you.” he sucks on your neck roughly leaving marks.
“oh fuck.” his words immediately making you squirm again against him. “feel good sweet girl?” his voice and his words having you intoxicated as you nod quickly. he curls his fingers deeper into you. hitting your g-spot repeatedly. “s-sannie please fuck me.” you manage to mumble to words. “yea love? thats what you want ill give it to to you.” he smirks pulling his fingers out and putting them into his mouth.
“let me grab a condom okay sweet girl?” he shifts you to lay down on the bed as he grabs a condom out of his drawer.
you two bought some to have them ready for whenever you two needed them. “okay we’re gonna go slow okay?” he says as he pulls down his pants and his boxers letting his hard dick out. “i can take it sannie please.” you beg him sweetly.
“okay i believe you love but still just making sure you are comfortable okay?”
he moves in between your legs slightly lining up with you. you watch him as he slides the condom onto his dick. lining up with you as he gives your head a quick kiss. “you ready?” he asks you unclasping your bra and throwing it somewhere in the room.
“yes i’m ready sannie.” you smile at him. he pushes his dick into you slowly. his eyes going immediately to your face as it forms into a uncomfortable expression.
“tell me how you’re feeling love.” he says looking at where you two are now connected. “h-hurts a bit sannie.” he nods as he puts his head against yours not pushing in any further. “we’re going at your pace okay love? tell me when to move.” he rubs your cheek softly. “o-okay.” you try to adjust to san’s length.
“i t-think you can move sannie.” you say shutting your eyes. “you sure love?” he asks you again. “y-yea.” you say slightly tearing up. he pushes more of his dick into you. “s-shit.” he curses at how tight you feel around him. “sannie- you’re so b-big.” he groans bottoming out. “you-shit are you okay?” he asks you as he kisses your shoulder. “yea- it feels so full. sannie please fuck me!” you cry out to him.
“shit you sure?” he asks again making sure you’re completely okay before he moves. “yes sannie please..” you moan out his name feeling him slowly pull out before pushing back into you.
“fuckkk you’re so wet but still so fucking tight” he groans at the noises your cunt is making. “san oh my god! fuck.” your eyes are rolling back in your head. his dick fucking into you so softly but roughly.
“feel good?” he rests his hands next to your head as he slows his thrusts down waiting for your response. “so good sannie.” you manage to get out through your constant moans. he smiles speeding his hips up slowly. “sannie- i think im gonna cum.” you cry out for him as you feel his thumb move to rub your clit quickly. “yea? my sweet girl gonna cum for me?” he smirks at your bodies soft shaking. you cum hard on his dick.
your eyes closing quickly as your body shakes again. your mine goes blank as your squirt all over san’s chest. “shit love. you just squirted all over us hm? look at that pretty mess.” he smiles at you innocently speeding up his hips just a little. “sannie- i cant- feels too good.” you are completely fucked out under him. he is fucking you so good. you don’t even know how you came so quickly.
“yea? love i’m so close. you can take it for a little longer hm?” he asks you sweetly as his hips stutter. “san- i can- but i think im gonna cum a-again.”
the overstimulation being too good for you. “yea baby? let go my sweet girl.” san is now all sweaty and hot. he is focused on his orgasm and your sweet expressions. his legs slightly shake as he cums into the condom. the feeling of his hips hitting your g-spot a couple more times before you are squirting all over him again. “shit shit sannie-“ you are cut off with a sweet kiss from san. “yes fuck love. look at you.” he looks at you kissing your neck softly before pulling out of you.
you catch your breath a little bit before seeing a little bit of blood between your legs. “shit- san im bleeding a little.” you say sitting up quickly to go to the bathroom. “you okay? did i hurt you?”
you shake your head. “no no it’s okay san! im just a little scared that theres blood. “ he nods. “don’t worry sweet girl. im here to help with that okay? you want to take a shower or bath? ill take one with you. does that sound okay?” he asks pulling you into his arms before following you as you walk to the bathroom.
you tearing up a little bit now. “hey hey don’t cry okay? im so sorry baby.” he says kissing your cheek. “lets shower please sannie?” you ask him as he quickly turns on the water. “of course my love. come here.” he pulls you into the shower with him. he washes you body gently as he massages your back. “just rest okay baby? i got you.” he smiles at before going back to washing you off.
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savingcrxws · 1 year
Text
EYES ON FIRE | just pretend
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[ next chap ]
synopsis. you and carmen start off on the wrong foot and richie stirs the pot.
word count. 3.5k
warnings. language, hardly proofread but i tried
authors note. lets goooo, this is based off of this headcanon that i would recommend reading before this chapter(kinda treat it as a prologue)--lets get to part one!
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"Richie, you dick."
If you had a dime for everytime Richard Jerimovich managed to inconvenience you, you could probably buy the Bean three times over.
But this, this really takes the cake. 
“Well if it isn’t our little college graduate here in good ol’ Orleans Street,” Richie cheers, throwing his hands in the air in fake surprise as a smirk rises slowly onto his face. You feel like if you were to glare at the man any harder, you might actually make his head explode.
“What brings you here, sweetheart?”
You take a minute to try to collect yourself before you absolutely blow up in Richie’s face. Carmen stands directly across from you, just behind the bar, dressed in a dirtied white tee stained in a sauce of some kind. He’s very obviously avoiding eye contact with you, leaning over the bar and seemingly very interested in the walls around you. 
“If I recall correctly, you asked me to come here, Richie,” you grit out, gripping the tote bag that hangs over your shoulder tighter. You press your lips together before a choice few words slide from between your teeth.
You see Carmen tense up at what you said, shoulders hunching up before dropping almost as quickly. The dirty blonde brings a hand up to his forehead in what you can only assume to be pure disbelief. 
You continue. “You called me literally like, two hours ago.”
“Really, me? You sure it wasn’t another Richie? Maybe a Rick?”
“Richie, please don’t piss me off right now. I swear to God–”
A loud slam interrupts the developing argument and nealyr sends you flying out of your skin.
Your eyes dart over to Carmen, whose hands are splayed flat across the span of the bar. His head is tilted down, curls falling to cover almost all of what you could see of his face. He takes a breath before turning his head to look at the older man behind him. 
His face is a bright red, angry flush sinking down past the collar of his shirt.
“Richie, you motherfucker,” he grits out, dragging a hand down his mouth before slamming his fist on the bar counter, rattling the plates and miscellaneous cups that littered across it. Richie tenses up behind him, catching on to the anger almost radiating off of him.
"Why the fuck would you invite her here?" Carmen yells, speaking of you like you weren't only a couple feet away from him. You frown, insulted at his disregard of you.
"Oh believe me, I hardly am jumping to be here myself, Berzatto." You spit.
Richie raises his hands in defense, taking a step back as Carmen bucks up towards him. “Hey, man, don’t shoot the messenger.” He casts a stray hand in your direction and Carmen’s eyes instinctively follow, making eye contact for the first time since you entered the restaurant.
The heat of his stare was strong, something that you could best describe as a blend of anxiety and anger. You notice that his eyes trail up and down your form, not in a "checking you out way" and more of a "I cant believe you're here right now" way.
“Bug usually never responds to my messages! Honestly, how was I supposed to know she would now,” Richie continues, still trying to maintain distance away from Carmen.
Carmen seems overwhelmed, split between jumping at Richie for his fake naivete or running a million miles away from you. He curls his hands into fist, and for a second, you think he's going to throw a punch. Quickly though, Carmen steps away from Richie and casts one more look towards you.
You wait for him to say something to your face, but he doesn't.
“I’m leaving,” Carmen mumbles under his breath, taking in another deep breath before abruptly turning and throwing open the kitchen door. The swinging door flies out and hits the wall, a sudden crack that you are sure would leave a dent later.  Almost immediately, you hear the sound of distant bustling and pans clattering around. 
A voice yells out in confusion. “What the hell, Jeff?”
You bring a hand to your forehead, feeling a headache incoming. It couldn’t have been more than three minutes and simply being around Carmen had given you more stress than you’ve had in the past week. Casting a glance up at Richie, you give him a final glare. The man simply shrugs his shoulders and gives a charismatic grin. “Well, that was pleasant wasn’t it, bug?” 
“Ayo, Richie, what the fuck is up with Jeff,” a voice questions as they walk in from the path of destruction that Carmen left in his behind. The owner of that voice is none other than Tina, and for some reason, seeing her alleviates at least some of the headache you feel pulsating across your skull. Tina casts a confused glance at Richie, who simply points over in your direction. Tina’s eyes follow and when she makes eye contact with you a familiar smile drapes across her lips. 
"Oh, well now I understand why Jeff's so pissed off."
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"Yeah, and then the asshole has the nerve to act all coy, like he didn't blow my phone up with messages begging me to go down to the restaurant," you complained, throwing your head back to take another gulp of the wine in your cup.
In front of you, Sugar swirled her own glass of sparkling grape juice, shaking her head in disbelief at the absurdity of it all.
Shortly after Tina had walked out, you had left the restaurant (not before flipping Richie the bird) and immediately went to text Sugar for a rant session. Being the absolute angel that she is, she agreed almost immediately, stating that she had some qualms she wanted to rave about as well. Two glasses of Merlot for you and some non-alcoholic beverages for Natalie later, you two were sitting on the two ends of Sugar's couch, the TV playing a rerun of Selling New York as background sound for your current conversation.
"Yeah, Richie is a jerk." You nod in appreciation for her understadning your annoyance.
"And don't even get me started on you-know-who's reaction? He barely even acknowledged my existence!" You throw your free hand in the air. "Speaking about me like I wasn't right there?"
You release an exasperated sigh. "The ego on that guy."
Natalie hums, taking a languid sip of her drink. "Well, that sounds like Carmy alright. A tiny little ball of asshole-ery at any given point of time." The blonde reaches a hand over and places it on your knee. "Sorry my brother is such a dick."
You give a small smile at Sugar, resting your own hand on top of hers. "No need, it's clear you took all the 'sane person' genes in the Berzatto bloodline." Your joke pulls a giggle out of Sugar, the slight truth of her statement not missing between the two of you.
"But enough about me," you place your glass down on her coffee table before continuing. "What's going on in your life Nat?"
You listen as she rants about the stress of preparing for a bringing baby into the home. She talks about how those Al-Anon meetings she regularly attends are going, and how her one coworker Bryson seems to have a vendetta against her.
After a moment, Natalie coughs slightly, eyes darting across the living room in thought before returning back to you. "And well, I hate to keep talking about Carmy but..."
The smile drops quickly off of your face as Sugar trails the last word. "But what, Suge?"
"Buttt, Carmen's trying to rebuild The Beef," Sugar peers down into the contents of her glass as she speaks, "he's rebranding it as The Bear, and I've been trying to help him and the crew get everything sorted before they start tearing the building down."
You press your lips together tight at the mention of the familiar name.
"Personally, Carm, I don't see much wrong with the restaurant now?"
"The place is held together by a roll of duct tape and a dream, bug, I don't think you have to look very hard to see some issues."
You glance up at him from your position on his chest, looking as he gazed up at the ceiling of your bedroom. While his gaze was physically directed at the old glow in the dark stars scattered across the ceiling, you could tell his head was in a total different world.
"So you want to start a new restaurant?" You question, watching as Carmen shakes his head as soon as the words leave your lips.
"Nah, I just want to make it better, ya know? For Mikey, and Sugar, and Ma."
Sugar, noticing you are distracted, stops her sentence and gives a little frown, watching as your gaze drifts off somewhere distant.
Despite the years that have past, she knows that you still have feelings towards her brother. She was there for most of it, watching as you and Carmen went from daily hangouts to a weekly phone call, to a monthly check-in text, to, well, nothing.
She consoled you through most of the grieving phase of a post-breakup, like you had done for her a couple of times before. And after a few weeks of busting into tears anytime his name was mentioned, you began to heal, and focused those strong emotions towards improving yourself.
Natalie let a wistful sigh, pulling you out of your thoughts. Shaking the fog away, you give a remorseful smile at having basically cut Sugar off midway through her spiel. She gives you another small smirk before shaking her head, dismissing your silent apology with a wave of her hand. She draws another sip of her sparkling juice.
"But Carmen has been driving me up the wall with all the shit he wants me to help juggle. If I schedule one more appointment I might pull my hair out."
"Oh no, please don't do that, honey," Pete calls out from the kitchen, very obviously having been listening in on your gossip time from the kitchen table. Sugar gives off slight grimace at Pete's abrupt callout at her obvious exaggeration, shrugging her shoulders and giving a placating call back towards her husband.
Reaching back towards the table, you grab the wine glass from earlier. "Do you have anyone to help you? You know I have some connects who can manage the money and strategy end?" You offer, more than willing to alleviate some of the stress from your friend's shoulders.
"Yeah, can I have that guy who assisted you when you managed La Raison?" Sugar teases. "I have no idea how you managed to help that business go from near bankrupt to one of the best sellers down Michigan Avenue."
"Carter? Yeah, no. That dude was an asshat. He was more useful kissing up to the store owners than actually doing his job," you shake your head at the mention of one of your old employers. Since graduating, you had taken into strategic and financial management for businesses across Chicago. La Raison had been one of your main businesses for a while, the owners soon becoming close friends of yours.
You loved what you did, though business management sounded like a right pain to most, you found joy in being able to rub your braincells together and actually make a difference. Plus, the pay wasn't too bad either.
Sugar chuckles. "Yeah, well, I wish I could just have you as a little angel on my shoulder, giving me all the answers to all of these problems that keep popping up."
Though she was joking, you can see the way her brows furrow simply thinking of all of the things that she has to do. You could only imagine the stress she is under right now. Balancing opening a new restaurant with her ever-present family dilemmas, and a baby on the way?
Natalie was beyond used to extensive stress, so you know she won't verbally express all of her worries. But the thought of Sugar carrying all of that on her shoulders draws a slight frown on your face.
Before you know it, the thoughts are falling from your brain and past your lips.
"What if I helped you manage the place."
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You honestly do not know why you offered to help manage this fuckery that is disguised as a restaurant.
Shortly after you had offered to help, it was as if Natalie had died, saw the light, and returned back to Earth. She squealed like a teenage girl and thanked you profusely. While she shaked you and explained all the things that needed to be done, you slowly began to realize the implications of your offer.
You, helping Natalie manage Carmen, your ex-boyfriend's, restaurant. A responsibility that would obviously take months.
And honestly, you were tempted to withdraw your offer despite the happy squeals of relief that Natalie was letting out. That was, until the tears of relief started pouring from her eyes.
Those pregnancy hormones really guilt tripped you.
Now, a week later, you're back at The Beef. Well, you suppose The Beef is gone officially now, the rusting sign pulled down from its former position hanging above the restaurant entrance.
"Why the hell did I sign up for this shit," you question out loud, watching as Manny and Angel pulling out a broken sign from inside the restaurant. Sighing, you reach into your bag and pull out a cigarette box, pulling one out before digging for your lighter in your back pocket.
"Mami, what are you doing here?" You turn around at the voice behind you, cigarette hanging loosely from your lips. Tina stands behind you, a smile stretched across her lips. "Seeing you two weeks in a row? Someone must be dying."
You smile, opening your arms for a hug that Tina reciprocates. "Oh you know, I'm here to save your asses from complete and utter failure." Tina gently pats your back as you pull apart, and it makes you regret not checking in on her and the rest of the crew more often.
"Missed you, T." You mutter, a small grin pulling up on one corner of your mouth.
"Missed you too, mami," Tina pats your arm before wrapping her hand around your elbow. "Now, I'm not trying to step on your toes but...you do know who your helping out right?"
You grimace at her implication, the reality hitting you once again. Behind those glass windows stands the man who took your heart and literally tossed it away like it was nothing. Took all of those years that you had spent together and wasted it away.
Broke up with you over fucking text.
And now, you're about to walk into his restaurant and help Sugar, and, consequently, help him fix this fuck up.
Talk about fate.
"Yeah, T," you start, letting her guide you towards the entrance of the restaurant, where you see Marcus and Fak carrying out some lockers. You wave towards the men, to which Fak responds with such enthusiasm that he drops some of the lockers on the ground, much to Marcus' chagrin.
You grimace before continuing. "Just helping my asshole ex because his sister is my bestie."
Sugar had texted you that Sydney, Carmen's former sous chef and business partner, had been more than happy to hire you as a strategic manager for the business. Although she didn't mention it, you knew that a certain dirty-blonde was not so excited at mention of you coming to help.
"He knows we need the help, no matter how fragile his tiny little ego is," Natalie had told you, a knowing smile on her face.
"Don't lose your head, boss." Tina teases, pushing you first through the doorway. As you finally enter the store, you take note of the pure chaos that is the restaurant.
Plywood and debris scattered across the flower, miscellaneous kitchen supplies and utilities lining the walls. Ebraheim and Sweeps were taking a sledgehammer to some random panels, while Richie was yelling something from the kitchen. As you take in the madness, Tina pats your elbow before heading back towards the kitchen.
"Welcome to The Bear!" Richie calls out as soon as he notices you. Spreading his arms out in what you assume is a hug, you only offer him a solid stare. Richie drops his arms and heads towards you despite your very clear disdain for him at the moment. "Glad you could join the team, bug."
"Richie, why the hell are you covered in black dust?"
"Inconsequential, sweetheart," you roll your eyes at his response before stepping over the debris in front of you.
"Where's Nat, Richard," you question walking behind the bar and towards the office in the back. Richie grumbles something under his breath before shouting out 'office.' Busting through the kitchen door, you note that the kitchen is just as messy as the front of the house. Stepping over black dust on the ground, you tread over to the office.
"Suge? You in there?" You call out, peering over the corner and into the office. The room is unoccupied, filled with nothing but discarded papers with miscellaneous phone numbers and sprawled writings.
You make note of what you know to be Nat's handwriting, eyes trailing over all of her notes for appointments and scheduling. Your eyes also rove over the chicken scratch that you also know to be Carmen's scribbles. Placing your bag down on the desk, you sit down in the rolling chair and decide to wait for Sugar to come in.
You grabbed a random pile of papers and attempted to digest some of the information being presented to you.
Bank statements, IRS requests, insurance, licenses, permits.
Judging by all the shit that needed to get cleared just for the restaurant to legally be open, your surprised that Mikey wasn't being physically chased down by the IRS and thrown into jail.
"Hey, Sugar, Syd and I are going to work on the chaos menu tonight so I'm going to leave the rest up to you, okay?"
Carmen slings around the corner, too focused on pulling his coat on his shoulders to notice who exactly was sitting in the office.
Instinctively, you freeze at his sudden appearance in the doorway, breath caught in your throat. At the lack of response, Carmen finally looks up and makes direct eye contact with you.
His blue eyes widen, clearly not expecting you to be the person in the chair. You rack your brain over the next move to make, the silence continuing as he just stands in the doorway and practically gawks at your existence.
Deciding that staring indefinitely at each other was probably one of the worst things you can currently think of, you clear your throat to break the silence. That seems to break Carmen out of whatever state of shock he seemed to be in; you watch as he awkwardly wrings his hands, like he was at a lost of what to do next.
You're half-expecting him to make a repeat of the last time you saw each other and storm away from you. However, Carmen just stands there, eyes darting from you to random objects in the office then you again on repeat.
Both of you are waiting for the other to say something. To yell, chastise, and start an argument.
Biting the bullet, you start. "Hey, Carmen."
He seems to be taken aback that you even uttered his name, eyes meeting yours once again. You almost forgot how blue his eyes are-so bright that they're almost clear.
He nods in acknowledgement before saying your name to greet you in return.
Awkward silence fills the room once again. While you know that Carmen is hardly a conversationalist, this has to be the most painful quiet you've ever experienced.
Be amicable, you think to yourself. He's your boss/business partner now.
You're doing this for Sugar.
"Umm..," you trail off, eyes scanning the office around you in attempts to find something else to talk about. "I tried to find Nat, but she might have gone A.W.O.L"
Carmen nods his head a couple of times, a soft hmm leaving his lips. You can tell that he wants to say something, the words on the tip of his tongue but sealed behind his lips.
"Yeah, ok-okay, yeah." He nods rapidly, crossing his arms across his chest, lowering his gaze down to your shoes.
"Yep."
God, someone shoot me now.
Carmen clears his throat. "I-I-uuhh, you know, Sugar really appreciates the help."
You nod, licking your lips out of habit. "Yeah, she's told me."
"Yeah?"
"Yep."
Just when you were about to figure out a way to turn invisible or sink into the floor, Sugar rounds the corner and lightly bumps into Carmen's back. She lets out a noise of surprise from her throat and Carmen jerks forward a little.
"Carmy, why the fuck are you standing in the fucking doorwa-" Sugar cuts herself off when she spots you over her brother's shoulder. She makes eye contact with you and you swear you see a little mischief in her eyes. She pushes past Carmen to step inside of the office, crossing her arms over chest to assess the room.
You, sitting in the office chair, papers still grasped tightly in your hands and your lips practically licked dry from your nerves.
Across, Carmen stands angled towards Sugar, almost trying to physically minimize the amount of eye contact you two share.
Natalie surmises that she just saved the both of you from a very awkward moment "Oh, shit. Didn't mean to interrupt."
"No-no, uh, you're good, Sugar," Carmen sputters out, face flushing a bright red. He brings a hand over his mouth to physically stop the word vomit that was about to fall out of it. "Umm, was just gonna tell you that Sydney and I are leaving to work on the new menu."
Sugar's eyes dart over to you again, sitting stiffly in the office chair. She raises her eyebrows in question but you subtly shake your head.
Let's not talk about it right now.
She nods in acknowledgement before turning to fully face Carmen.
"Okay Carmy, you're good to go. Me and Bug here are just gonna get some paperwork sorted." Carmen looks in your direction at the use of the familiar nickname before he hmms again.
He takes a step back and waves his hand in goodbye. "All right, bye Sugar," he's fully outside of the doorway now, but he pauses before leaving you and Sugar's line of sight completely.
He stands there for a beat, running whatever thought across his mind a couple times. Finally, like he settled on an answer, Carmen gulps and raises his head to look at you.
He nods his head and whispers out your name and a goodbye, followed by a swift exit out of the kitchen.
You're practically stuck in the chair, the past five minutes having been a complete whirlwind. The kitchen door whips against the wall in a crack, the squeaking echoing from your place in the office. Your gaze is still focused on where your ex-boyfriend had stood not even a couple of seconds ago.
"Well," Sugar starts, a knowing smile across her face. "That wasn't as violent as I thought it was going to be."
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jolapeno · 11 months
Text
the angel + the devil
javier peña x f!reader | halloween fic for late night texts
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summary: “You may be dressed like that,” he says, dropping his voice “But I know how dirty your halo is.”
chapter warnings: bonus chapter to late night texts, although you can still enjoy without reading. fluff. halloween costumes. reader does wear a dress and heels. javi flirting. office party vibes. sexy talk, alluding to smut, but no actual smut or anything (similar to most of the chapters in the series) romcom vibes ofc ✨ wordcount: 2.4k
an: i still cant believe how beloved this little series is. i hope you like this little hallow-shot of my fave pairing.
text key: bold is you/reader | italics is javi
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Don’t forget tonight is my works halloween party, if you’re still coming.
i haven’t forgotten baby
You say that but you forgot to bring milk the other day.
you told me you was wearing my shirt, naked
Thought high-pressured situations were your bag, baby.
well you do always know the way to bring me to my knees
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Pocketing his wallet and keys, Javi stares up at your work building.
He’s picked you up from work plenty of times, but he’s never been inside. Not like this, anyway.
Over breakfast, dinners and more since the two of you have been dating—and then living together—he’s managed to collect snippets of information.
Been able to make collages from the pieces you hand him—a picture board with ribbons and string connecting things, concocting an image of what things must look like. From the place the copier is to what your desk looks like.
Tonight, he’ll get to see it himself. He’ll have the chance to see the photo strip from Houston there, a little cactus plant you’d named Randy and a set of trays (all filled with paperwork) that he’d helped you find in town.
The rest though, was blank. All fuzzy in his mind.
A puzzle, one needing to be solved.
It’s why his finger and thumb brush against themselves as he steps through the doors, the instructions you’d given him illuminated on his phone. It’s easy enough, especially with the decorations up the stairs, hearing himself being called to by the distinct sound of the Monster Mash that is floating to his ears, guiding him to you.
Maybe, he should have texted to say he was here.
You’d be waiting for him then. Likely hovering at the doorway, looking somewhat lost and nervous—it brings back memories of scribbled-out signs and bubbling apprehension at the airport.
But, if anything, that’s why he doesn't text—doesn’t announce or tell you he’s parked up and climbing the staircase two at a time to see you.
Because Javi wants to see you, capture a sight of you across the room, and give you another romantic moment to add to the ones that make the both of you so “movie-like”.
Except, as soon as he steps through the last doorway, and his eyes land on you, he realises the moment isn’t for you, but rather for him.
His stomach flutters, fingers halting in their previous nervousness, stretching out as his head tilts. He takes you in—trails his eyes from the heel of your white shoes to the nervous finger-tapping you’re doing on the red cup, before he reaches your face—flecks of glitter, painted lips.
And fuck are you pretty.
You’re more than an angel. You’re something else entirely.
Ethereal, captivating, irresistible.
The mere sight of you making his throat dry and his heart quicken all over again, just like it had done outside that airport. Just like you had done from the first text to the see you later you left him with this morning.
He pinches his thigh, just lightly—because again, he’s left with the thought, the realisation: you chose him.
A reminder that is forever there. One he normally buries in gratitude against your lips, or clutches your hand—
You tiring from an ex-DEA agent yet, cariño?
Not even a little bit, handsome.
You’d chosen him because of text messages, fallen for him because of phone calls, and fell further in a hotel room miles away. Him doing the same, re-falling each day all over again due to moments he never thought he’d get to enjoy.
Simple things, like you sewing a jacket on his Pop’s coat to the way you listened when he finally told you everything that happened in Colombia. Your face not shifting, not until the end, not until you ended up in his lap telling him how proud you were of him.
Something he believed.
Somehow, though, a small part of him still expects this to be a dream. A cruel joke from life, because you’re way too good to be true. You’re nothing but kind, generous. Doing everything to remind him continuously how much he deserves you. That he’s good, worthy, amazing.
He’s about to clear his throat, announce his arrival, when your laugh dies at something one of your colleagues says. Then, he watches in slowed time how your eyes sweep—a thing he suspects you’ve been doing since way before he arrived—before landing right on him.
It forces his heart to skip.
A smile, different than the one you’d given to your colleague, spreads and flowers across your face—the fairy and ceiling lights not holding a candle to the way it brightens up the room.
He finds himself mirroring it, letting it unfold, grow, spread, sliding up into his cheeks as he watches you excuse yourself, placing your cup down on a desk before you rush over to him.
“Hey, handsome.”
“Look at you, angel.”
His fingers slide across his jaw, half-tempted to ask you to twirl—witness how the white dress skims your knees, trailing his eyes up and down, drinking you in all over again.
If you mind, you say nothing, although he imagines your cheeks will be warm if he touches them. Your eyes dropping, fingers moving, sliding to adjust the straps of your feathered wings, before touching up the headband with your halo attached—the one he’d watched you glue the other night, tongue out, teeth perched near the tip.
“I’m glad you came.”
“You asked, cariño. Por supuesto que vendría por ti.”
Shrugging, you smile, shifting on your feet. “I know, but you still came, dressed as… wait—what are you dressed as?”
Putting his palms up at the side of him, he grins. His head dips, eyes following your path over his dark jeans and red shirt, as his fingers slide to his back pocket—pulling out a headband with little horns on, placing it on top of his head.
“A devil.”
“Of course,” you say, sliding your arms around his neck. “Very fitting.”
Smirking, he traces his teeth with his tongue, letting you stare at him in the same way he had been you, until you move closer, sliding your arms around his neck. Basking in the way you kiss him, so softly—almost innocently—but with a hidden agenda underneath you can’t display too much of in the centre of your workplace.
But, he still feels the tip of your tongue sweep over his bottom lip—even if to others it’s just a chaste kiss. He knows that in the back of your throat, there had been a little hum growing—the one he pulls from you when he greets you at home, when the decision to eat or “nap” first arises.
“You may be dressed like that,” he whispers, dropping his voice, mouth to your ear as he hugs you. “But I know how dirty your halo is.”
Stepping back, he watches as his words force your lips to part. You battle a smirk, toying with it, chewing it, before displaying an eye roll.
Then, Javi feels you slide your hand into his, bodies so close to being flush, your breath doing a dance over his jaw and neck.
“I think we can make it dirtier. Can’t we?”
Pausing, he tilts his head, brow arching—watching you just smirk, far more devilish than angelic.
And, Javi suddenly wishes his jeans weren’t as tight as they are.
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where have you gone, one of your colleagues is eyeing me up
Well, maybe you should try being less good looking.
funny
I’ll be one second, got caught coming out the bathroom by someone from finance.
do you need rescuing
You gonna throw me over your shoulder?
if i do that i’ll be carrying you home
This is why you’re the devil and I’m the angel, my thoughts are pure.
if I put my fingers between your thighs i bet your body says otherwise
Javi!
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Handing him a cup, you tap yours against his, shooting a wink.
He doesn’t miss the way you eye him—not at all in a way different to the one he’d been getting from your colleague earlier.
“¿Te estás divirtiendo?"
Sliding closer to him, you press a kiss on his cheek. Angling yourself, the front of your dress moving, shifting, forcing his eyes to drop to where some of the glitter has fallen across your collarbone and cleavage.
“Such a bad girl.”
Smirking, you take a sip. “Angels don’t just fall from heaven for anything, or anyone, Javi.”
There’s a retort brewing—readying on the tip of his tongue—but someone approaches. A snort escapes you before they call your name.
He’d met so many of the people he’s heard things about—having been able to stitch faces to names, to hear their actual voice, and not the one you adopt when you’re telling him stories about your day. But this person's name doesn’t come to him with ease, nodding, agreeing it was lovely to meet them too.
Javi listens to you wish them a good weekend, hugging them, your wings brushing against his side as you do.
Then, the two of you are alone once again.
The whole night, between speaking to people, the two of you have traded in whispered angel and devil jokes—deviousness coming to him with ease, your eyes sparkling, somewhat twinkling as you hear each of them. Sometimes, your retorts silence him, rendering him useless—forcing you to slide more in front of him, his fingers digging into your hip.
Fuck, he wants you on his lap now.
More so, as the punch thins out and the party dwindles—some excusing themselves for home, for better offers or fraternisation with other departments—and the two of you are left him to a corner.
We can go soon. If you want?
Your eyes meet his, hands stroking up and down his arm—soothing, calming, genuinely wanting him to choose.
We can go whenever you want.
The two of you standing, his hip flush with yours, the scent of your perfume doing a swirl in his nose, watching as you smirk against your cup.
It’s hard not to feel that familiar surge inside him as he watches your lips. Because he never tires of you, is never bored of just admiring and observing.
“What you thinking about, cariño?”
The look you shoot him is one of pretend innocence. He can tell. He’s become an expert in you—both in the subtle shifts in your expressions and the way your body talks to him.
“Just thinking, that if I’d thought about it more, you could have come as a pencil and I could be your crossword,” you smile. “Y’could have spent the evening filling me in then.”
He’s mid-drinking when it hits him, making him choke, and splutter.
Your smirk rises as you bring the cup to your lips. “Two can play that game, Peña.”
“Touché, baby.”
For a moment, he lets you be smug.
Let it grace across your features, teeth peering out, eyes twinkling under the unflattering fluorescent light—that you still manage to look stunning under.
“Or, I could have come as a vampire,” you continue, eyes averting, a smirk desperate to grow, “I am really good at sucking.”
He almost crunches the cup, his head tilting, eyes burning into you as his brain fills with thoughts—ones that almost ravage him. Smother over the purer ones he keeps forcing himself to manifest, innocent things he’s yanked up so he doesn’t get a hard-on in the middle of your work office party.
Because you’re dressed as a fucking angel.
“Did you want to see my desk, baby?”
“Is it far?”
Shaking your head, you drain your cup, placing the empty in a nearby trash bin as you offer your hand. Leading, guiding him, pointing out little things that offer some clarification to stories he’s listened attentively to when the two of you have eaten.
“It’s just in here,” you announce, pointing to a closed door before the two of you enter.
As soon as the door clicks shut, his palm is against the wall—caging you in, his body close. Your laugh light, airy, brushing over his face as your fingers slide up his cheeks.
The two of you are flush, but not so harshly against the wall to crush your wings. He wants them intact, needs them to be there later.
“You like my costume, baby?”
He groans, tightening his grip on your waist. The light from the hallway splays across your face—illuminating your eyes as you stare up at him. Noticing the usual flecks of lust and need that swirl whenever the two of you are like this.
“You thinking innocent thoughts, cariño?”
“Not even a little bit.”
Your fingers tangling into his hair, his hips light in their efforts to press you against the wall. The air tightening, anticipation building, and building. It all layering, more so as his fingers drop, tracing under the hem of your dress.
His lips curl, the tip of his tongue dragging across his lower lip. “I like your office.”
“Bring back memories for you?”
Snorting, he grins. “No. I didn’t… I didn’t do that.”
“You want to?”
He considers it. More so when your lips slant back across his, when you whimper lightly when the kiss deepens.
Javi traces his finger over your thigh, half-tempted to slide it further up, skate it over whatever fabric you’ve chosen to wear between your thighs.
But he stops himself, halts.
Instead, he slides his fingers back under your chin, tilting it up. “Rather take you home. To our home.”
He watches as your smile curls up, lips pursing, eyes flicking down before meeting his. “Take me home then.”
Your fingers lightly flutter along his cheek, the top of your nails scraping gently against his skin, into the hair above his ears.
“Not to be a devils advocate, but we don’t have to wait until we get home, do he?”
Smirking, he lets a soft laugh exit under his breath.
“Seven letters,” you whisper, teasing his hair in your fingers, “Highest point.”
He kisses you. Pressing his smirk against your lips, feeling yours emerge as he does.
“You’re a real fallen angel, aren’t you?”
Snorting, you slant your mouth over his, likely wanting one more before the sea of goodbyes and see you in a week have to be said.
“Fallen straight into you, though. No regrets from me,” you add.
Pressing a kiss to your lips, Javi mumbles, “Not from me either.” Hands sliding around your waist, stealing another moment. “Need you to keep the halo on.”
Tilting your head, you pull from his lips. Breaths dancing, shared between the two of you.
“Wanna see how long it takes until I can fuck it off your head, cariño.”
Grinning, your tongue sweeps over your bottom lip. The slightest of head shakes. “Think you knocked the real one off my head ages ago—when you made me moan your name down the phone.”
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an: if you have any ideas of what our pairing can get up to, let me know. i can't promise I'll always write them, but you never know.
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scoonsalicious · 6 months
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Unwanted: Chapter 10, Uneasy - Pt. 2
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader
Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, bad jokes, Explicit Sexual Content Minors: GTFO; I don’t serve your kind here. (hand job, fingering, PIV), little bit 'o' dirty talk, coitus interruptus, Bucky being a dumbass, insecurity, thoughts of self harm, arguing, mentions of emotional affair, poorly translated Russian, Pocket giving Bucky more chances than he deserves, really.
Word Count: 2.5k
Previously On...: You made the mistake of watching Bucky and Jade spar in the training room. Needless to say, it was... intense, and you weren't the only one to notice. Looks like others in the Tower are taking bets on how long it'll be before Bucky cheats on you. He promises loves only you, only wants to be with you, and you want to believe his sweet words... you just cant shake the look of guilt that crossed his face when he realized you were watching him and Jade spar. Hopefully, he can prove his devotion to you with a little horizontal sparring of your own.
A/N: I'm sorry. Really, that's all I got for this one. Pocket's reaching her breaking point, but she's not quite there just yet; bare with her as she tries to deal. I mean, would any of us give up on Bucky fucking Barnes until we absolutely had to? I think not, lol.
Part three of this chapter is fairly short; I'll be posting it today, as well.
Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @crist1216 @vicmc624 @sashaisready
Bucky pushed you up against the hard surface of your bedroom door, his lips trailing fire along your skin as he kissed you with an almost animalistic need. You could feel the press of his erection through the fabric of your workout clothing digging into your stomach as you tilted your head back and let out a soft moan.
“Bucky,” you breathed as his hips rutted against you, “we should get inside.”
“Need you so bad, Pocket,” he grunted, fingers finding their way under your shirt and sliding along your already sweat-slicked skin. “Should be getting inside of you.”
“Mmm, clever,” you hummed as you reached behind your bodies for the door handle. You managed to awkwardly twist it open just as Bucky’s hips pressed particularly aggressively, sending you both tumbling through the doorway.
Bucky’s hands were on you before you could fully lose your balance, keeping you upright and supported as he led you both to the couch.
“Bed’s not that far away, Barnes,” you said in between kisses as you began pulling off your clothes.
“Too far away,” he countered, bouncing on one foot as he worked to tug off his sneaker. “You’re lucky I’m too much of a gentleman to take you right on the floor.”
You quirked an eyebrow at that. “Lucky, huh?”
“Remember the rugburn you got last time?” he asked, his smile positively predatory as he gently pushed you backwards onto the cushions, his hands reaching for the waistband of your leggings and pulling them down your legs.
“Touche,” you contended. The memory of your chafed skin certainly had put a damper on the otherwise delightful experience. You might have to talk to Tony about getting some carpet with a little more shag.
You giggled at the thought, causing Bucky to raise a questioning eyebrow as he helped you out of your sports bra.
“I was thinking we might need a better shag carpet for future shagging,” you informed him. His laughter quickly turned into a moan as you reached down into his shorts and took a hold of him, stroking his length.
“Shit, baby,” he groaned as he thrust his hips into your hand. “They didn’t make girls like you back in my day.”
You pulled him free from his bottoms and boxer briefs, taking one hand off of him to push the fabric down. “Thank God for that,” you told him. “You might have been tempted to dodge the draft, otherwise. Then where would we be?”
Bucky grunted, and you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. “How can you make such horrible jokes and still manage to be so fucking hot?” he asked you with a grin.
You took your hands off of his cock, pretending to be offended. “Horrible?! My handjobs are only for people who think my jokes are funny.”
“Did I say ‘horrible’?” Bucky asked in mock confusion, reaching down to run his metal fingers through your waiting folds. The cold touch made your back arch as he inserted two fingers inside of you. “Coulda sworn I said hilarious.”
“Weak save attempt, Old Man,” you panted as he picked up the tempo with his hand. “Judges– fuck– judges allow it, you can put it in. God, put it in!”
“Gotta get you ready, doll,” Bucky grinned down at you. “Get you good and stretched.”
“I swear to God, Barnes, if you don’t start fucking me right now—” you words were cut off by a scream as Bucky took heed of your warning and pushed himself into you, until he was filling you completely. “Yes!” you shouted, relishing in the feeling of being so consumed by him. “Fuck, so good, Buck!” You began thrusting your hips, begging him to move within you.
“Fuck, sweets.” Bucky’s thrusts were hard and forceful. “Takin’ me so well, all with no prep. Making me so proud, the way you’re grabbin’ me. Feel like fuckin’ heaven!”
You reached your hands around his back, digging your nails into the strong muscles of his ass to pull him closer, as though you wanted to leave no space between your bodies. “So big, Bucky,” you moaned into his ear as you hitched a leg around his waist, allowing him to go deeper. “Never had anyone fill me up as good as you! Was fucking made for this cock.”
Your words drove Bucky feral, and like flipping a switch, his thrusts went into overdrive.
Between the sound of slapping skin and your wanton moans, you barely registered Bucky’s cell phone ringing. You paid it no mind as he pounded into you, completely ignoring it until you felt his pace falter. Looking up, you saw him reach over and grab it from the coffee table. 
“Come on, Buck,” you whined, “leave it. I’m sure Steve won't mind waiting a bit.”
Bucky looked from the caller ID to you, a combination of embarrassment and frustration on his face. “It’s Vix,” he said, fingers moving to the screen.
“Ignore it,” you told him, feeling the tide of your impending orgasm slowly slipping back out to sea. 
“It might be important,” he said, his voice sounding pathetic to your ears. 
“Barnes,” you warned, your voice low and icy. 
“It’ll just take one second.” He got up, pulling out of you with a slick sound, and you felt your vagina dry up and board shut, closing for business. He turned his back to you as he accepted the call. You didn’t even bother to listen to his half of the conversation-- nothing she had to say to him was important enough for this, opting instead to get up and go into the bathroom.
Your hands were shaking with rage as you tried several times to lock the door behind you before succeeding. You could not believe your ‘boyfriend’ had just pulled out of you, in the middle of sex, to answer another woman’s phone call. An image of his face from this morning flashed before your eyes as you turned on the shower– the guilt that seemed to cross his features when he had realized you were watching him spar with Jade. You’d been so quick to put it to the back of your mind, to ignore it, but now? After this? God. Was he thinking about her while he was inside of you? You turned the heat of the water up as far as it would go and grabbed your loofah, preparing to scrub the disgust you felt from your skin.
No. You heard Pepper’s words echo in your head– you can’t control what other people do, you can only control your response to them. And you were not going to fall into your old habits over this. You turned the heat down to a tolerable level and lathered your loofah with soap, needing to (gently, you reminded yourself) cleanse your body of the sweat, sex, and shame. 
As you were rinsing the soap from your body, you heard a pounding on the bathroom door. “Doll?” Bucky’s voice was muffled through the wood. “Doll, what’s wrong? Why is the door locked? If I knew you wanted a shower, I would have joined you.”
Was he fucking serious right now? You took your sweet time, not answering him as you finished your shower, toweling yourself off before you wrapped yourself in your robe. 
With a resigned sigh, you opened the door back into your bedroom, half expecting to find Bucky gone, perhaps to have Jade take care of erection she’d prevented you from finishing off. But he was sitting on the edge of your bed, his boxer briefs back on and elbows resting on his knees. He looked up when he heard the door open.
“Hey,” he said, standing and making his way toward you. “Sorry about the interruption. Vix just had some questions about the training schedule for the rest of the week. But that’s all squared away, so we can get back to it.”
You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at him. “You can’t seriously think that I want to have sex with you right now,” you said. Your voice was hard and impassive. 
“What?” Bucky looked genuinely confused. “Why not?”
You walked over to your dresser and pulled out a fresh pair of panties and leggings. With your back to him, you shimmied into them under your robe. “Call me crazy, but I kinda consider you stopping mid-thurst to take a call from another woman, my fucking nemesis, of all people, to be a bit of a mood killer.”
You heard Bucky sigh behind you, and you could just imagine him running his hand through his hair. “Pocket,” he said, “come on. Don’t be so dramatic. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
Your entire body stiffened at his words. Turning around slowly, you gaped at him. “Excuse me?”
Bucky held his hands palms-out, as if to indicate he wasn’t a threat to you. “You’re blowing this out of proportion. I was just taking a phone call.”
It took every ounce of control you had within you to not explode on him. You closed your eyes and took one, two, three deep breaths that did nothing to calm you. “You took a phone call,” you said, “in the middle of sex. With a girl who has been a problem between us since the moment she showed up. How do you not get that that is not okay? At fucking all?”
“God, I thought therapy was supposed to help fix your problem,” he said, “not make it worse.”
You blanched at that. “My problem?”
“Yes, your problem,” he said, voice rising. “I haven’t done anything wrong, but you keep trying to paint me out to be the bad guy. You make me feel like a fucking cheater when I’ve never even touched her.”
“You don’t need to touch her to be having an emotional affair with her, Barnes,” you said, voice quiet. 
“An emotional affair?” he barked out a laugh. “We’re just friends.” 
“Just friends?” you asked, incredulous. “I’m ‘just friends’ with Steve. Should I take a call from him when I’ve got your dick inside of me?” You watched in real time as Bucky’s expression darkened. You hated using his insecurities about Steve to make a point, but he was leaving you no other choice. You didn’t know how else to make him understand why he was hurting you so badly.
“That’s completely different,” he said through clenched teeth. 
You raised your chin. “It’s not different, at all, and you know it. If I stopped having sex with you to take a call from Steve, you would be livid. And honestly, I’m so disappointed in you for pretending like it’s not the same! That’s so disingenuous, Bucky.”
Bucky tilted his head back and sighed. “I feel like we’re going around in circles here, Pocket,” he said, voice heavy. “You keep getting upset, and I keep trying to reassure you, but it’s like you want there to be something going on between her and I.”
“I keep getting upset because you have no fucking concept of appropriate boundaries, Bucky!” you shouted at him. You startled yourself– you’d hardly ever raised your voice at him in anger. From the look on his face, it had taken him aback, too. “I shouldn’t have to be constantly telling you that your interactions with her are inappropriate for a guy in a monogamous relationship! It’s fucking exhausting, but every time I think we’ve made progress, you turn around and do something that makes me feel even worse!”
“Well, if I’m so fucking exhausting, then why are you even still with me?” he shouted back at you.
You stared at him, eyes wide. Was this it? Was this where he left you for Jade? Had you finally pushed him too far?
But his face immediately fell as he realized what he had just said. “Hell. Doll, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what to do to make you feel better.” He took a step toward you, opening his arms, and you let him embrace you, though you didn’t hold him back. “I don’t know how to convince you that there’s nothing between her and I.”
You looked up at him. “Think of Steve,” you said. He narrowed his eyes as he looked down at you. “What I mean is,” you continued, “when you’re about to do something with Jade, ask yourself if you would be comfortable with me doing that with Steve, knowing how he feels about me. But instead of Steve being your best friend, imagine that he was actively trying to break us up. Like, would you be cool with me and Steve going off and forgetting about you in Central Park? Or would you be happy watching Steve sit on top of me during a sparring session while you listened to agents talk about it's just a matter of time before we start fucking?” You could tell by the way his arms tense around you that the very thought angered him. “Or if I decided that it was so important that I take a call from Steve that I just stopped having sex with you, even after you told me to ignore it. Don’t tell me none of that wouldn’t make you feel like absolute shit.”
Bucky blew out a breath and pressed his lips to the crown of your head. “You’re right,” he said sadly. “That would drive me insane. I’ll work on it. I’ll… I’ll try to think of Steve.”
You sighed. “I need you to do more than try, Buck,” you told him. “I need you to do it. Cause this, the way things are right now? It’s killing me.”
The look Bucky gave you then was enough to break your heart. You knew, you truly knew he wasn’t doing any of this on purpose, but he couldn’t keep falling back on his cluelessness as an excuse. Not anymore. Not when it was destroying you.
“Mne ochen' zhal', moya lyubov'.” I’m so sorry, my love. “I will do it.”
“Thank you,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him. You were relieved that he was finally, hopefully, seeing where you were coming from, but at the same time, you couldn’t help but wonder how many more times he was going to put you through this. “I love you,” you said into his bare chest.
“I love you, too,” he replied. After a beat, he said: “So, I guess sex is off the table for this afternoon?”
You chuffed at that, then looked back up at him. “Seriously?" you asked, giving him a look. "Obviously, for now; don’t be stupid,” you said. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be persuaded to revisit the possibility later.”
Bucky smiled down at you. “I can work with that,” he said. “How about a movie, instead? I’ll take a shower, you grab some snacks from the kitchen, and we can watch whatever you want.”
“Mmm,” you said, feeling hopeful. “You will regret giving me that power, Barnes.”
<- Previous Part / Next Part ->
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mbslost · 7 months
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Another yapping session with MB yipeee!
nah in all seriousness i would like to talk about some things, now that my temper is gone.
we still remember the post on twt made by @/renhanasgf about Gato not being more inclusive, oorrrr that her poc character are ignored. (i wont talk about the real stuff from discord in this post since proofs are still gathered.)
well here i am! (sadly)
1.How many poc characters?
7 well known (or maybe more). who are those? well we'll start with Raven(tinr) or known as Selin as well, Chet Ichpujani(tinr/tpof), Strade(btd/tpof), Thomas(tpof), Jaqueline(tpof), Machete(tpof) and fucking Derek(tpof)
some of them dont have a full name (besides an alias) either because story wise it didnt mattered or because of their lore (Strade and Machete are criminals, doubt they would want a victim that escaped to expose their identity, no?) Also another detail, even some white characters do not have a last name,such as Sid(tinr), Dragon/Jace(tpof), Komodo/Mike(tpof), Chamomile(tpof), Richard(tpof) and probably some from 'Facility'.
their ethnicities are indeed unknown, either because it wouldnt really affect their story or it was avoided in case it could cause a conflict. dunno. about this i cant really talk a lot since her blogs are gone, thus i cannot dig into this matter anymore. although i believe having a hc on them is fine. ''- It is 100% okay to have ANY headcanons about my character!''-her website)
Raven was one of the well know character from Gato that is poc. her nationality is unknown due to the story (which i would recommend you to read tinr, pretty cool tbh). since her story goes deeper i would suggest you to also read her wiki (fanmade). sadly lots of stuff are now gone about her. still a lover character.
Strade. Strade is Strade. (kind of forgot what she said in the answer about his name but the wiki says ''Strade is not his actual birth name. It's similar to a placeholder name like John Doe. His birth name is unknown." still you can check out more here)
Chet Ichpujani is another character involved in tinr, a manager (i believe) at a semi-restaurant thing? in the end he offers to help Farz with his problem. pretty cool guy since he and Anthony Shore re-appeared in tpof. (picture below)
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Machete, ''Machete is the newest member of the desert group. He had to prove himself worthy by performing various criminal tasks to be allowed in. Despite his recent acceptance, the rest of the group remain wary of him. His quiet demeanor and decisive actions tend to unsettle the other members. He regrets everything he's done to be admitted into the group, but he chose to stop at nothing to get revenge for his sister. He feels as though he's completely lost his identity and humanity to his "purpose"." -wiki (also a small detail, he did everything to revenge his sister)
Tom/Thomas, ''Tom is a college student, taking a media development course centered around sound design. He took a few years off high school, kind of meandering through life without an aim for a while. However, he eventually found a passion for making music. Despite tons of research and hard work, he was never really able to get his brand off the ground, so he decided to head to college to get some formal education on the subject. Late one night, as he was about to head home, he was abducted by Komodo and Dragon.'' -wiki
Jaqueline, "Jaqueline is a young trades worker learning to paint houses. She takes pride in her work and also frequently goes to the gym. Her mother pesters her to get a higher education, but she loves her current career path. Due to the friction with her family over her job, she tends to choose to spend time with friends instead. She was violently abducted by Jack in broad daylight, unlucky to have no witnesses." -wiki
therefore, there's plenty of information, plus that lost from her blogs.
2.Model minority
must agree, her work from 2016 looked alike yet, in the last years she actually showed more bodies (like types)
here are some examples:
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also Strade's new model as well:
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quite diverse, is it not? i am aware i didnt show others as well but if you wish to (and i actually encourage to) you can view the rest here! Lawrence, Ren, Celia (or on pinterest!)
3. Conclusion
i still believe everyone can create whatever they wish, whatever character. the details are on their part. now i could understand Gato for being upset when someone doesnt draw their character as they are (such as changing the body type, skin colour, etc) but also cant blame those who feel like being ignored (trust me, had to survive the genshin fandom).
so the characters exist, thus i dont see the problem of not being inclusive (also, as she often said, you can hc her characters, thus i believe their ethnicities are free to chose for yourself)
that's it. as for the real deal (the discord stuff) i believe it's the best more proofs come. rn i dont see her as a racist artist, but that comment in spanish does sound in fact xenophobic... well, until more context is posted, we'll see
stay safe!
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tofupixel · 3 months
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adding on, i really do apologize. reading back i can tell i didn't reiterate enough that the actual work still matters more than anything.
im trying to take this from a place of good faith. it just irks me because i have seen so, so many people who believe they are incapable of art, their brain works too scientifically, some kind of disability that prevents them, and they managed to figure it out in their own way. i also can't see items in my head in 3d (i can see a little but not much) and it never stopped me, but i know some of my friends who also cant at all, and it bothers them greatly.
i don't know you or what you're going through but in my experience some people put pressures on themselves to do things a certain way, but when we are different, we have to find our own way forward.
in the end, who are you racing against? you need to go at your own pace, it doesnt matter if someone gets there faster than you. i know it can be hard to see others succeeding where you struggle, but the only way to actually fail is to give up. it doesnt matter how slow you go as long as you are making something and expressing yourself. try not to focus on the result so much.
whether or not that time investment is worth it to you is another discussion for sure.
sorry for snapping at you. after i just spent 6 hours writing that guide, seeing the first response be something negative actually just pissed me the fuck off. it was like why even bother, i just wanted to delete it tbh
edit: and FWIW the reason i had such fast progress is because i had nothing else to do. i lost my job in 2020 and i would just go homeless and die if i didnt make it work. ive done A LOT of pixel art, more than anybody should reasonably be expected to do, and im speaking from experience.
there is such a thing as quality of practise for sure, but i do believe that time beats everything. i'm not saying it to virtue signal like i think you were implying. someone being slightly more naturally gifted than me has no bearing on my life whatsoever.
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