#i cant work in this state tomorrow

[lovlettres-moved]

heartburns headaches stomachaches nausea

[melto]

head in my hands

[gilfrespecter]

Me, a fool: oh I will warm up for artfight a little before I get started today

Me, hours later: oops all cowboy

[audiovisualrecall]

The two sketchbooks side by side 😊

[todayisafridaynight]

NOOOO RIGHT 'CAUSE LIKE... the way the Arakawa Family specialize in faking deaths already, I'm sure Jo was so on top of everything. And who better to walk Masato through it right... flight's the perfect time to get started if it's gonna take like fourteen hours...

BUT YES. YEAH. Like The Day Of he's just paralyzed with worry and caught between wanting to do something and not wanting to go against Aoki... maybe at most he chances calling Arakawa telling him to be careful, because that's not too conspicuous given his role in the dissolution, but Arakawa just gives him the old I'll Be Fine Worry About Yourself... and, you know, why shouldn't he; they've always had their enemies and he's Arakawa the Assassin, he can handle himself... he can let himself have that fleeting hope, but deep down... and THEN he finds out and has to act like he didn't mean anything to him and has to go back to his duties like nothing happened... OUGH

Can I just say. Literally such an insane fucking series of scenes in Coin Locker Baby. Because you get Jo's despondence when he's saying he might have killed Arakawa--he's being a bitch to provoke Ichiban into a fight, but it's also an admission his inaction played a part, isn't it... and then you get him expressing that he's familiar with Ichiban's need to protect Arakawa... and then you get the sheer desperation and insistence in his voice when he says he could never kill him... and then you get--I'm not totally sure how clear it is in English--but you get him actively saying his feelings go deeper than Ichiban's without really explaining how... and then you get the tinge of fondness when he's thinking back on the old days when Arakawa lived up to his name... Like. Why Did They Do That. Any Of That.

ALSO. GOD. I've gotten so much shit the past couple days because I said I want to lock Jo, Kume, and Tendo in a room for five minutes For My Entertainment. Reading those tags felt like coming home honestly 😭 Like, even Ichi was ready to kill someone over Arakawa, and Jo was out here threatening to disembowel people [in the dub]. And I Think They Should Be Allowed To. As A Treat. So FOR REAL the biggest "I'm so glad we get to talk" 😭😭😭

On that note genuinely so funny that I took an extra ten minutes re-rendering the video because I forgot to put the "flashback" part in Arakawa's subtitles at first but then nobody read it 😭

But it's also something I've been mulling over because I'm delusional. Getting actors as high-profile as Nakai and Takei back for just A Flashback is kinda crazy to me because Arakawa and Jo's screen-time took up a full four percent of the entire game [over ten percent of the cutscenes] originally. But then if it's multiple flashbacks equivalent to that... what exactly is going on here that the past is so intertwined...

And Because My Brain Is Evil there is the fact that technically speaking, Yokoyama only said that line was from a flashback, and specified Arakawa wouldn't be appearing in the main story. Now of course a normal person would interpret that as him reassuring the audience he won't appear in any present-day scenes, but part of me was like. Oh So A Side Story Is On The Table [<- it's not it's fucking not it will not be in a million years]

JUST. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS COOKING WHY IS THE KITCHEN DOOR CLOSED WHY ARE THE WINDOWS BLACKED OUT

ANYWAYS that's enough from me for today I am [as always] glad you enjoyed One Missed Call and Kyouen, ABSOLUTE bangers

YAYA THATS WHAT IM SAYIN YOU GET IT. UNSURPRISINGLY BUT YOU GET IT ಥ▽ಥ

no but thats what i MEAN like i already was jokin with myself like 'jo and arakawa probably had A Thing right lmao' BUT THEN THE WAY JO TALKED BOUT ARAKAWA AND OBVI THE GENERAL FACT HE COULDNT KILL HIM REALLY JUST MADE ME (。・∀・??) AND REAALLLY LOOK AT EM CLOSER THE SECOND TIME AROUND like genuinely for what. it will fuck me up until i'm dead and gone SOOO unnecessary and yet they did it..

wack that people wouldnt want to see kume and tendo stuck in a room with jo like. from what i know everyone is a part of the We Hate Kume gang so. cmon. kume will be shredded into candy floss within five minutes. it'll be fun (๑❛ᴗ❛๑)

OK BUT NAKAI AND TSUTSUMI'S STATUS WAS A BIG REASON WHY I DIDNT THINK ARAKAWA NOR JO WOULD BE BACK FOR LAD8 THAT'S SO VALID TO CONSIDER THAT its that idea that just has me especially wondering what the plan is. im not expecting them to have MAJOR parts (or in arakawa's case too many flashback segments) but they MUST have a SUBSTANTIAL amount to warrant bringing them back right..

[navysealt4t]

i just cant de today (i hqve to anyways)

[stew-chan]

well fuck got a letter from my endo of 5 years who's overseen my entire transition saying they can't see me anymore because transgenders are subhuman in the state of Florida now :/

I can't trust my primary doc to handle my hrt because he literally has me marked as a trans man because I'm male and trans like the dude doesn't know the difference between a trans man and a trans woman no way I'm trusting him to manage hrt :/

now I gotta find a new endo from scratch who's a physician and accepting new patients and accepting trans patients and doesn't have a wait list of over a year and isn't flooded by the literal 80% of all other trans people in the whole state :/

my endo fought his practices legal team on my behalf which is great that he tried but they can't afford to get shut down over my existence so I get kicked to the fucking curb :/

[orcelito]

I realized smth this morning

Ngl, I think this is tied for one of the worst summers of my fucking life lmao, rivaled only by when I was 18 and there was *waves hand* all That trauma

This kind of draining multi-hit wonder is just... yeah. Yeah.

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ectopuppy]

auuuuoooogh art hard :(((((

[bunnyb34r]

Honestly don't know why I'm surprised...

I'm so fucking tired guys

[natandacat]

Head still hurts its been 2 days.... wtf

[justtogetthrough]

It’s always funny being in a mental health crisis and having someone external be like uuuh have you thought about going to the hospital? And it’s like no, actually. Because hospitals turn everyone away even when they’re at great risk to themselves and others so nothing about the ER comes up in my mind because it’s always a tiresome and humiliating waste of time and they don’t actually ever wanna help. It is not an option I ever think about.

My friend was like but… you haven’t slept in 2 days, likely aren’t going to sleep tonight, and this kind of PTSD flare up has led to psychosis in the past, are you sure they’d turn you away?

And honestly? Not for that lol. When it comes to self harm they absolutely do not give a fuck but if I present saying I haven’t slept in days, this has triggered psychotic symptoms in the past, and this is potentially a problem that can be treated with ~drugs~ instead of actual mental health help, maybe I should consider the hospital 🤔

I just don’t know what to do about work this week and I’m taking it one day at a time bc I have actual children depending on me right now and can’t disappear but if I’m not sleeping still by Monday morning I’m gonna be in no shape to work and I might have to tell my manager regardless of whether I just take time off to sit through this hell on my own or maybe go to the hospital to see if they’ll admit me to experiment on me with drugs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m honestly curious if they could find something that’d work. Nothing in my bedroom pharmacy has done a THING to reduce the agitation.

[southislandwren]

my toxic trait is thinking i could get to and from [state](18 hours round trip) in one (1) day

[orcelito]

hmmm

maybe i need to not do this tonight after all