#i could dig through my notes and pull out some headcanons / random shit that i thought about a while back

[digyoman]

lloyd henreid. like if you agree.

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #157

And now for something entirely different.

For the first time in the entire series, we have a chapter in which Tomoko Kuroki is completely absent. For a series whose initial premise was so dependent on having Tomoko as the solitary focus, it really speaks volumes that the side characters can now carry the series on their own. Of course, it wouldn’t be Watamote if Tomoko wasn’t there in some way, shape or form, and as we see today, her spirit lives on in rest of the Watamote Crew.

Chapter 157: Because I’m Not Popular, I’m Suspended

I really dig the hatching in this opening shot. It automatically gives you the sense that this is a retroactive moment and that Tomoko will be MIA until further notice.  

And just as we already knew, Tomoko and Yoshida got busted.

I’ve noticed quite a few people criticize this school policy, claiming that’s it’s unreasonable for the “crime”. My assumption is that riding a motor scooter reflects poorly on the school, which its students are supposed to represent with “proper” behavior. While I don’t think it’s really a justified punishment, I don’t think it’s necessarily an unjustified punishment either. Dissecting the reason would mean pulling apart much about Japanese cultural values, and this ain’t the place for that.   

This, on the other hand, seems a teeensy bit excessive. But that’s just me.

Naturally, Komiyama takes this as an opportunity to validate her less-than-savory impression of Tomoko. Gotta eat up those friend-of-a-friend brownie points. 

The true endgame of this series is when Tomoko and Komiyama call each other “friend.”

Blatant disregard of sensei’s instructions? Looks like Yuri’s the next to join the new delinquent posse after Tomoko and Yoshida.

But on that note, I really do enjoy that Yuri cares enough about her buddies to break the rules. She’s always been an obedient student overall, but I always had this inkling that Yuri wasn’t really a goody-two-shoes. Rebels gotta stick together.

And Tomoko’s (and Yoshida’s) reputation continues to brew. And through the semi-popular kids at that. If nothing else, Tomoko is going to leave school known as the “Weird Kid” that everyone admires.

I now wonder just how much these guys knew about Tomoko and Yoshida’s friendship? I’d imagine that this whole suspension might actually paint the two as BFFs in everyone’s eyes. 

Lastly, I wonder what was the manga Tomoko and Yoshida were reading? Maybe a sequel to “A Happy Cat”?

Can I get a Prison School shoutout, anybody?

Yup, like I said. Everyone knows about that “Weird Kid” in high school who did stupid stuff, but you couldn’t help but admire them for having the nerve to do it. Nemo may give Tomoko a lot of shit sometimes, but to some degree, I think she wishes she could be like her.

Girl’s itching for her Kuroki-Kimoi fix. 

Perhaps someone can enlighten me, but are Japanese shoe lockers really left unlocked? I mean, you see it all the time in manga–how else would the love interest send letters/chocolate to their crush?–but I’d like to to know if there’s any truth to that. 

If Ucchi really was getting ready to confess apologize, then I gotta hand it to her. It took her a lot faster to get to that point than I thought she would.

Unfortunately, the universe discriminates against emojis, and when they flippantly confront a random girl to inquire about their obsession, you know a blast of karma is heading their way.

The Counseling Room, huh? For those who’re uninitiated like me, that’s supposedly where they keep the suspended students to do their schoolwork and reflect on their actions. 

In Ucchi’s eyes, however, it’s the higher beings keeping her from her beloved. 

Sorry, Ucchi, but you gotta work on your “Uwaaaah!”s. Maybe you ought to get some pointers from Komiyama.

More and more, Ucchi’s cries of despair get even more absurd. And more and more, I wonder how she justifies it in that head of hers. 

Aw damn, is it that same dude that criticized Tomoko for supposedly almost falling into a ravine? And on film, too? Bro needs to take a chill pill.

That seems to be the food for thought amongst the student body these days. 

Is it wrong that I laughed at Katou’s very obvious face of absolute boredom? You can just feel the Tomoko withdrawal symptoms destroying her from the inside.

I used to be pretty ambivalent about her increasing affection to Tomoko, but these more humanizing moments make me grow fonder about their relationship.  

Fuuka’s never gonna let this one die, is she?

That’s basically the exact same thing that Tomoko said to Fuuka, wasn’t it? Shoot, gotta had another tally to the “Tomoko-Katou ship is actually kind of cute” chart.

At this point, she and Okada need to start a support group for the Tomoko-challenged.

I gotta say, I fully expected Tomoko to be hypocritical enough to deny Fuuka an answer, but not Katou. More than anybody else, it feels like nobody, not even her closest friends, really understand who Katou is. I’m counting the chapters to the day it all comes to blows. 

So close, and yet so far.

Back to fill the void with the ol’ earbuds, huh, Yuri? 

Well, Tomoko is perpetually tired, but I’d imagine suspension isn’t doing her any favors. A loner Tomoko may be, being locked up for a week in pseudo-solitary confinement (with Yoshida, no less) is bound to lead to some cabin fever.

I think the old Tomoko would brag about it before the fact, but after experiencing it, she'd take it back after realizing that suspension actually kind of sucks.

In old news: Yuu is a sweetheart and deserves the world.

Ah, Komi. I can't tell if you're ignorant, in denial, or just being a bitch, but your delusions of grandeur towards Tomoki never fail to amuse me.

It took me a while to realize that we were going over several days throughout this chapter. The time transitions are just that subtle, and I'm pretty sure that was intentional in order to emphasize how Tomoko's absence is really screwing with everyone’s sense of time.

Is this the first time anyone other than Minami has acknowledged Ucchi's lack of a face? Alright, Minami, you win this one.

Also, this is so going to add fuel to the fire on those NSFW headcanons about Mako and Minami’s "pet play" relationship.

Wow. When she says it like that, it puts Minami in an almost sympathetic light. Curse that endearing dependency of hers.

I see that Okada’s infamous shut-her-down moment from the field trip has left some after effects. If nothing else, Fang Girl knows when to fold ‘em.

Obvious imagery aside, I do like that they include Yoshida as one of the “loud” ones in the class. She’s definitely more of the “in-your-face” type of loud, while Tomoko is mostly loud in presence, and it really drives home just how extra loud the two are when together.

A wild Hirasawa appeared!

Somewhere underneath Yuri’s veil of apathy is a very particular layer of empathy. That being, her affection for Tomoko. Yuri may get jealous of other girls, but she can understand how it feels to have an attachment to someone, and when she recognizes that in someone else, that’s when she’ll go the extra mile.

Even she can’t abandon an underclassman all by their lonesome.

That said, it wouldn’t be Yuri if flashes of green didn’t flicker in her eyes at times.

Then that green turns into...whatever color is usually associated with begrudging respect.

Aw damn, this is going to be one of those heartwarmingly bittersweet endings, isn’t it?

Continuity porn.

Okay, ya’ll, but that glimmer of hope in Yuri’s slightly widened eyes is just golden. I hereby put this at the top of my “Top 5 Purest Moments in Watamote” List.

You know, if this were earlier in the series–as in, before Nemo opened up to Yuri–this would come off as pretty mean in the context of the plot, even if it really isn’t. It’s still trollish in a way that only Nemo can, but it feels like a genuine offer of friendship now that we’ve seen these two slowly come closer together. And if slice-of-life manga has taught me anything, it’s that walking home from school together is the Friendship Rite of Passage.

I’m sure Yuri’s first instinct was to punch her out, but hey, any reaction is a good reaction.

Actual proof that Tomoko has temporal powers that allow her to accelerate the passage of time at a rate that’s proportional to her exuding weirdness.

Or, you know, they all just miss her.

If there’s one thing that this series has taught me, it’s that the most wonderful of friendships can start with a mere coincidence.

At the start of Watamote, I never would’ve thought that the series could hold its own without Tomoko. And yet here we are. Gone are the days where the cast was just her, Tomoki, and Yuu. The cast has expanded exponentially since then, and their stories are all rich enough to headline their own series. But no matter how far the web grows, it always comes back to Tomoko. Even with Main Character Privilege, her existence is the glue that binds everyone together. And while this chapter gave us a unique insight on favorite characters, it also gave us a chance to see an alternate reality where Tomoko (and Yoshida) don’t exist.

And as expected, it’s a dull, dull world.

[arofili]

legolas or celebrimbor??

celebrimbor doesn’t have a tumblr, he made that shit. he and narvi are @staff.

(well. they were @staff…)

leg …. pre fellowship

their blog url

green-leaves-in-a-green-forest

(or something equally long and horrendously hyphenated and fake poetic)

the kind of posts they reblog

random shit he finds amusing

like, cat pictures and social justice posts from 2013

no theme at all

i would never follow him

the first person they followed

tauriel

she convinced him to get a tumblr because of the memes

a year later, she regrets this immensely

she matured and has a better blog that she doesn’t even use much

legolas is the exact same.

what kind of theme they’d have

tumblr default theme

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he will wake up in the middle of the night and post about the dreams he just had, but without any context

“made some chocolate milk with the lady who pulls the sun. tasted like weed. also, that one girl who i thought i had a crush on in 3rd grade was there. awkward.”

“sweating so much!! just ran a marathon with my dad while we were being chased by oliophaunts. the racetrack turned into a river halfway through. we won!!”

he thinks he’s funny

(he’s not.)

leg …… during fellowship

their blog url

he privated his blog for the first part of the journey because he thought it would be safer

after a few weeks he gets bored and starts liveblogging this shit

at that point his url becomes “fellowshipoftheleg”

his blog title is “Eight Idiots And A Gorgeous Elf Save The World”

“Hello! My name is Legolas Greenleaf. I am currently on a quest to save the world. The details are ~secret~ but I needed a place to vent so here we go. My companions are all idiots, except for me. My interests include….”

you know the type of subtitle i’m talking about.

the kind of posts they reblog

he basically stops reblogging and only makes original posts during this period of time

the liveblog

legolas had >300 followers before this, but his posts about his journey start to gain traction

his liveblog is pretty much petty complaints at first

he talks shit about gimli

he cracks “jokes” about boromir

(again. he’s not funny)

he reports on the weird stuff gandalf does

he gushes over the adorable hobbits

(until one day he accidentally bumps into frodo and sam tries to jump him.

he’s a little afraid of them after that.)

he quotes aragorn like there’s no tomorrow

some of these are like, actually deep

most of them sound like stuff from inspirobot

or they’re stupid inside jokes

everyone gets code names, cuz legolas isn’t that stupid

gandalf is “old man”

aragorn is “the bro”

boromir is “angstlord”

the hobbits go through tons of nicknames

“itty bitties”

“curly boys”

tiny monsters

eventually they get their own, but by that point the fellowship has split

gimli is “asshole dwarf”

after a few weeks… he becomes weirdly popular.

his story reads like a trollfic, with stupid plot twists and bizarre anecdotes

this mostly is anecdotes, not the full scope of the quest

he mostly makes text posts, with a few pictures here and there

every now and then he’ll post a snapshot of the fellowship roasting marshmallows

or a selfie of him in lothlorien

or a sneaky pic of him drawing dicks on boromir’s face while he’s asleep

he used to be low-profile, but shit’s gone whack.

he’s gaining hundreds of followers a day

his top post has half a million notes.

he’s a tumblr “cewebrity”

everyone on tumblr thinks this is just a story, not real life

people dig through his old posts looking for clues and foreshadowing

they’re baffled by the dedication the mod of the blog has to building up this “legolas” character

or they’re puzzled by the mod’s decision to turn this shit blog into a dedicated storytelling platform

legolas is bombarded with asks and @ mentions

but like…this bitch don’t actually know how to use this website.

he can make a post and reblog one

but that’s literally it

he’s the kind of blogger who leaves stupid captions on popular posts

he can’t figure out how tags work

he’s never heard of xkit

all his asks go unanswered

he’s only sort of aware of what’s going on

he’s blogging 100% from mobile, which makes it even worse

the Legolas Fandom goes buckwild

there is not enough time in the day to over it all

ship wars.

fan theories.

headcanon drama.

it’s a mess.

and again, legolas has no clue that this is going on.

when he catches feelings for gimli…things get insane.

he writes gushy, cringy, angsty posts about gimli

he posts pics of gimli with flower crowns

he composes bad poetry about gimli

the fan base is infuriated.

they’d all been shipping him with aragorn.

and like, no one in the fellowship has a fucking clue this is happening.

at least, not until they get to 

it’s ironic that Isolated Horseblr User eowyn is the first one to recognize legolas

she finally gets up the courage to ask him about it

“has someone been stealing your selfies, or…?”

he is astonished.

if Leg could, he’d shut down the whole thing

even if eowyn had wanted to help him do that, he’s just in too deep

he’s in this for the long haul.

now, Legolas starts to make shit up.

that’s when his popularity tanks.

he’s getting callouts

he’s everyone’s “problematic fav”

people dig through his blog to find dirt instead of clues

Legolas is more aware of this now, and he pouts for days

then gimli, a Twitter-Only lad, finally sees a masterpost explaining everything

he connects the dots way quicker than anyone else did

and oh fuck.

he’s frantically tweeting–

“wtf do i do??”

“i think i’m the asshole dwarf??”

“but he’s like in love with the asshole dwarf now??”

“oh my god, my crush likes me back??”

“has he been liveblogging EVERYTHING??”

eventually he deletes it all and decides to confront legolas

the leg boy caves under pressure and spills the beans.

they figure their personal shit out

of course, aragorn knew everything all along.

at least, that’s what he says

gimli takes over the liveblog for a day and everyone goes nuts.

together, he and leg decide that they’ve got to end this fake-ish story

even though they don’t know the ending of the real one.

for someone who’s never used it before, gimli picks up tumblr etiquette quickly

and on mobile. that’s a whole nother level of perseverance.

he starts streamlining shit, collecting information, making use of fan masterposts

he ties all the loose ends together

with a little bit of help from legolas to make it suitably weird, they close the story strong with a bang and a kiss.

aragorn finds their version of events…amusing.

after the real dust settles and the news stories about the Real Quest hit the press…

now legolas is a Real Actual Celebrity

his fans new and old start to see…similarities between the two stories

plagiarism?

insider info?

conspiracy?

coincidence?

no one can decide.

leg ………… post fellowship

their blog url

Legolas has three blogs now.

“fellowshipoftheleg” is kept as an archive. he doesn’t post there anymore.

he has a secret personal blog, “greenwood-gossip”, that he just posts random shit on like before.

and finally he has a Real Life Famous Person Tumblr Blog, “legolasgreenleaf”

the kind of posts they reblog

with the help of gimli and tauriel, he figures out how to actually use this website.

like most celeb blogs this one doesn’t post much

but he does reblog edits of himself and of his friends

every time he’s asked about fellowshipoftheleg he answers that he is not responsible for it and has no idea about it and would you all please stop asking about it.

the first person they followed

aragorn’s new Famous Person account.

this blog is deactivated after two months because he never uses it.

what kind of theme they’d have

something that should be really classy but with awkward shades of green

like, it had potential but again…legolas has a terrible eye for design

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he doesn’t usually make original posts

but sometimes he’ll complain about gimli’s weird habits

and once - just once - he confessed that he was the one who ran that liveblog all those years ago

he deleted the post an hour later, but there were screenshots.

legolas is the Ultimate Troll.

[ackackh]

HBO War YouTuber Headcanons

(SO MUCH MORE under the cut)

BAND OF BROTHERS

George Luz George has a review channel He sits at his computer at his desk where his camera is set up A lot of the time, you can see his (big ass) mic in the shot. He doesn’t care. He’s almost always wearing headphones. Either apple-type earbuds with the cord under his shirt, or giant headphones, one covering an ear, one tucked behind his other ear. He’s really onto hi-fi audio tech, it’s where most of his spending money goes. He reviews music, tv shows, movies, books, video games. Anything popular and anything he likes. 

The reviews are always fair and he tends to review things he likes anyway so there aren’t a lot of negative vibes on his channel. He also does some reaction videos. When he’s feeling up to it, he’ll make fun of Trump (and when he does it’s hilarious) but the boy has his limits. He wants his channel to be a reprieve for himself and for others. He has a lot of followers and they all just fawn over him because George has such an animated face and he gets so excited about things he likes. It’s adorable. Too pure. He also produces some original music! It’s mostly beats and he has a SoundCloud and a Patreon. He uses Snapchat and Vine a lot, in tandem with his channel. What’s on his snapchat/vine you ask? Every. Impression. Ever. And George is really good at them! They’re funny and accurate and his viewers really like them! He also has a million videos of him bugging his friends (mostly on vine). His favorite stunt is to see how long he can film Joe without him noticing. Spoiler: it’s not very long. Most of his vines end with him running away from an irritated Joe or with Joe smacking the phone out of his hand. The phone falls to the ground and you can hear George whine “What’d you hafta do that for?” He loves to do Special Guest Episodes! Sometimes the guest is Perco, sometimes it’s Skip, or Don, or even Carwood. He’s a good friend and if they have a channel he’ll plug for them. BUT he gets the most requests for Special Guest Episodes with Joe Toye! Joe will pull up his own desk chair beside Luz and reviews things with him (George will pick things Joe is actually interested in for the video). Joe has a harder time remembering that there's a camera and a mic to perform towards, and he’s quieter than Luz, but he gives his honest opinions which are always well thought out. Plus the viewers dig his voice. People will comment or email Luz, saying how much they love their banter, their chemistry. How they love how earnest Joe is (he’s a naturally charming guy!) Sometimes they get carried away with the “light” flirting, always smiling and always completely focused on what the other has to say. Joe doesn’t always stay for the whole video because he has shit to do, ya know? So he’ll get up and kiss George’s head or squeeze his shoulder and say “later, Georgie” And George will look at the camera and and yell to him “I LOVE YOU, JOE” and you can faintly hear Joe somewhere else in the house say, “love you, too, idiot!” And George giggles and gives the camera a wink.

Carwood Lipton Carwood keeps a video diary! He just films wherever he feels is right. Sometimes the family room, sometimes the office, sometimes the bedroom. The vibe is really chill, relaxed. You can almost think of Michael Aranda’s What I’m Doing Right Now He has a modest following, but he’s really interactive with the community: frequently answering questions, participating in conversations and debates. His vlog is multimedia! He uses twitter and snapchat a lot too, sometimes incorporating them into his videos. He loves to take candid videos and pictures of himself and his friends, with or without their immediate knowledge. (He always gets their permission before he posts anything) Viewers will often times find his video for that day is a mash up of videos of time spent with friends, Ron, Harry, Kitty, Dick, and Lew, on some small adventure. There’s some pleasant, energetic music playing, spliced with audio of the original video when someone says something particularly interesting or funny. His videos are for his followers, but he also keeps in mind that some of his family watches too, so everything is pretty PG. Ron isn’t super interested in YouTube, but he like’s to watch Carwood’s videos. He lives with the guy, and he always sees the bits and pieces as Carwood puts it together, so he likes to see the finished product. Sometimes he’ll come sit and be in a video, just for a little while if Carwood asks him. And of course they’re super in love, and Ron is so taken with Carwood, that the community comments like, “WE LOVE RON, GIVE US MORE RON PLS.” Ron will sometimes sit down with Carwood and answer questions. Either from the viewers or from a top googled list. It becomes a segment, titled something like Everyday Answers with Ron. And people love it because Ron can’t be anything but himself and he’s so oddly charming and adorable with how straightforward he is. he doesn’t quite understand why people like him so much. Carwood’s most viewed and most liked video is the one of the day Ron proposed. Harry, Kitty, and Nix were all in on it and got the whole thing on video and made sure they got footage of the celebrations afterward. He recorded in their bedroom that night, all sleepy and lovey with Ron, who kisses his cheek and thumbs over the band on Carwood’s finger.

Kitty Grogan Welsh Kitty’s channel is full of really fun things! Like stories, adventures in things like baking or hand crafts, personal make up tutorials. And, maybe most surprisingly, video games. So, she doesn’t do the average let’s plays. She’s not actually interested in showing people the game. Instead, she picks a topic, often sent in by fans, and shares her thoughts and ideas on this topic while she plays whatever games she likes. She plays games like, FIFA, Madden, Overwatch, and random platformers. These are her most watched videos. Maybe about once a month she has Husband Episodes where Harry sits and plays with her or watches her play while they discuss whatever topic they’ve decided on. He’s adorable and she spends a good amount of the time teasing him. Upon many, many requests, she has posted both a “My Husband Does My Makeup” video and an “I Do My Husband’s Makeup” video. I can’t reiterate enough how adorable Harry is here.

Joe Liebgott and David Webster Joe and Web don’t share a channel. Because that would be a disaster. But here’s how they know each other: That Prick YouTuber Whose Opinions Are Wrong Joe’s channel is mostly about music. He reviews artists, albums, and singles. AND he records original pieces and post the videos to his channel. He’s really. really. good. His emotions are so raw, he doesn’t even have to be singing for them to come out and it’s frankly… enchanting. A decent chunk of his viewers started watching because Joe is hot AF™ but they stayed because he’s talented and smart as a whip. While Joe does love The Clash and other punk groups, he one thing that speaks to his soul is an angry John Darnielle. That’s right kids: The Mountain Goats. They serve as a lot of inspiration for his original songs. So Joe plays and talks mostly about music, but he also talks about things like art, fashion, and COMIC BOOKS. Listen, he preorders that shit, he has whole videos just about how excited he is for some edition of some comic. So, Web stumbled upon one of his videos, this particular one about an artist, and ugh, everything about this guy just rubs him the wrong way. He falls down a rabbit hole of Joe’s review videos and he decides he basically can’t stand him or any of his very wrong opinions. Don’t ask him why he hit subscribe. Joe finds Web in his Suggested Videos Feed and listens for maybe two minutes to Web talk about his college classes and all the literature he’s reading and all the things he knows now and he’s like, fuck this guy. Joe just thinks he’s so pretentious. He likes The Catcher in the Rye. Like, come on, dude. Most of Web’s videos are about literature. Books and Poetry he’s read and likes/dislikes. He really enjoys the Transcendentalists. He loves the themes of man v nature and the natural imagery and how they talk about what makes up the human soul. Joe fucking hates Transcendentalism. As far as he’s concerned, they were a bunch of rich, white men who pretended to be one with nature or some bullshit but didn’t acknowledge the privilege of their status or even mention the fact that they could go back to their cushy homes whenever they liked! Eventually they bump heads and get into a few times through comments. They can’t stand one another, can’t see anything from the other’s point of view… UNTIL Until Web listens to one of Joe’s original songs. And it’s so raw and personal and the lyrics! He can’t believe how beautiful the lyrics are! They’re simple and effective and they hit him right in the chest. Until Joe listens to some of Web’s spoken word poetry. It’s not his usually style, it’s flow-y and flowery and romantic. But it’s fucking beautiful and it stirs emotions in Joe he’d forgotten about. Joe also listens to Web go on and on about his ideas for the books he wants to write. And he finds it’s almost impossible not to fall in love with Web like this, so animated and happy. Here’s what happens: they meet sometime in real life, maybe at Vidcon, and after arguing for forever, they decide to try and put there heads together and write a song. Joe on the music and Web on the words. And it’s great. Their ideas are different, but they feed off of each other well, and they find a good balance. They record a video of it, Joe performing with his guitar and Web watching him, taking notes, even. And when the music trails off and they fall into each other, the kiss doesn’t make it to the final cut of the video. Neither does the making out on Joe’s hotel bed.

Babe Heffron and John Julian Their videos are just fun and silly shenanigans. They play games (lots of Cards Against Humanity) and do every youtube challenge. ever. Chubby Bunny and the Cinnamon Challenge are two of their most viewed videos. So many stupid dares. So many ER visits, all filmed and all with an angry Guarno grumbling about how fucking stupid these “kids” are. Julian: I am not a kid! Bill: Come talk to me when your foot isn’t in a boot, alright? They have more than one video of them trying to do parkour. I mean, how do you think they ended up in the hospital? The channel is called Orange Julian and their icon/header image is the two of them, wearing only boxer-briefs, completely covered in orange body paint. They’re standing next to each other, purposefully looking a little awkward. Like, it’s almost album art worthy. All of this for a stupid Orange Julius pun that only like 1/3 of their viewers get.

Renee Lemaire Renee has a small channel about her life! It has lots of sweet things in it! Soft, gay vibes!!! Her dog. Her cat. Her good friends, Gene Roe and Ralph Spina. Delicious food and cooking! Crazy/hilarious/gross stories about working in the children’s ward of the hospital. Her experiences in America as a French woman. French history lessons! French language lessons in modern day/interesting/specific vocabulary! Gene and Spina often come on and they have culture clash videos about France and America at large. Sometimes Gene will talk about Cajun culture or stories or food. And Renee and Spina will sit there just bewildered by everything he says. Sometimes Renee and Gene will trail off in French conversations together, leaving Spina to either complain loudly OR look into the camera like he’s on The Office™ Renee can only upload like every other week or so because she’s so busy. But her viewers don’t mind! Her videos are like little presents!

GENERATION KILL

Rudy Reyes Rudy also keeps a diary! It’s called “Fruity Rudy” and the graphic has a cute lil peach on it. He always films in his living room during the day. The video and audio are both super high quality and he even has a nice front light. He looks fucking beautiful, as always. He just talks about his day, his friends and family, whatever subjects he’s been thinking about recently. And his house is always fucking perfect. 9 times out of 10 Pappy is in the kitchen cooking, slightly out of focus, while wearing an apron. He likes to listen to Rudy do his thing while he prepares dinner or w/e (cooking and baking is a big hobby of his). Every once in a while he’ll comment on something Rudy says or talks about, or he’ll poke fun at someone or tell a joke. Usually the mic picks up what he says, but it’s faint and Rudy adds in little subtitles in the bottom of the screen. And he either reacts with a fond smile of some kind of comment or comeback. The viewers love their banter because they’re HELLA MARRIED Like literally. And also figuratively. Like sometimes Rudy will call back to Pappy to ask him questions, sometimes looking for a real answer, sometimes because he knows the kind of sassy reaction he’ll get, and he’ll just roll his eyes at the camera. He gets like a million comments a day telling him that they adore Pappy. “omg u guys are so cute” “I wish pappy was in more videos!!” “is pappy his real name? if not, what is?” When Rudy hits 10,000 subscribers (“wow, that’s insane, thanks you guys!!!”) as a present, he makes this big reveal video of Pappy’s name. “Drum roll please… *drums on his thighs* it’s Larry.” *in the background* “RUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?” *uncontrollable giggles from Rudy* *the camera is lifted from it’s place by ~~someone~~ unseen and a blurry Rudy can be seen half-heartedly protesting before the footage cuts*

Ray Person Ray is basically iDubbbz/h3h3 He’ll get all of his friends to participate in stupid videos. Mostly it’s Walt, Christenson, or sometimes Q-tip or Gabe. But sometimes he’s by himself, it just depends. So we get lots of these types of gems. (x) (x)  Brad hardcore pretends like he doesn’t want to be a part of it but look, he operates the camera for every video, he’s not fooling anyone. It’s hard to mistake his laughter when he’s right next to the mic. Sometimes Ray keeps in the little bits where Brad comments or calls him an idiot and you can see Ray look behind the camera, laughing and smiling or giving it right back. Ray’s channel is nuts!! but every once in a blue moon Ray will upload a video called “Serious Talk #1” (and so on) where he talks about something he really cares about or is really bugging him. And people are like, I knew you were smart, but oh jeez, this is scary.

Nate Fick The videos started out as study tools for his undergrad students but eventually gained a legit following. So, it’s basically an educational channel, but there’s no company or anything funding him. He tries to be as professional looking as possible, though. He talks about history! All types of history! And guess what, this boy is salty about the many, many important peoples and their accomplishments that are always left out of textbooks and shit. And he’s going to do his best to cover them properly. As in, entire episodes dedicated to shit (most) people don’t know. And he was in the military, so he has… lots of feelings about that as well. If he talks about military history or social issues he puts a disclaimer in the beginning of the video like “This is tainted by my feelings, I can’t help it, but this is my channel and I’m gonna say what I like.” He has some crash courses and some videos that go way too in depth. Like, maybe calm down, boy scout. Brad and Mike are his most frequent guests. He’ll do things like quiz them (on shit he knows they don’t know) or ask them for their opinions or direct the whole freaking lesson just to them. Brad and Mike really like picking on him, but he knows they love him. He invited Ray on the channel once. Once. It was… an experience. But Ray surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, has some really well educated and in depth thoughts on certain subjects. He gets lots of comments from girls/boys being like, “Hello, Professor Hottie.” (He gets the same reaction from many of his undergrads, so he’s used to it.) BUT most of his following watches because they’re interested in what he has to say, so don’t worry.

Poke Espera Poke has a channel with no schedule or organization. The video’s care shot from a cheap video camera and he doesn’t have a proper mic. And you know the Channel name is literally just his name. It’s literally all just videos of him from the chest up with titles like: “THOUGHTS ON ALL THE BULLSHIT” and “I’M GONNA KILL ME A WHITE BOY” and “PAUL RYAN CAN SUCK MY THICK LATIN DICK” They’re always in all caps. You knows the type. Yes, he does have a whole video dedicated to the story of the time he saw a dude get killed behind a Tastee-Freez. He has over 2 mil followers and all the boys are like …how? He just has good things to say, yo. People appreciate the cruel honesty.

Q-Tip and Christenson These cute boys have a let’s play channel! It’s pretty straight forward, they just play whatever games they like the best and sometimes play other games on request. It’s got Game Grumps vibes because it’s these two dudes who are BEST FRIENDS and they spend nearly every episode talking about whatever they want. And usually they want to talk about each other. Because they’re hardcore Bros. They get some of their friends to sit with them and play or just talk, depends. But their most requested repeat guest is Ray. Because Ray sure as hell doesn’t need a camera on his face to be animated as fuck. Also There’s lots of singing. Almost too much singing. At least they have excellent taste in music.

The Lady Marine (Whose Name We Unfortunately Don’t Know) She has a youtube channel that she really enjoys putting a lot of creativity into! Like, it’s great quality, for starters, and she also designs her own awesome graphics and animation!! She’s so talented!! Because everything is so damn quality, she only puts out a video every couple of weeks. But they’re pretty lengthy and always SUPER worth it. It’s about her (current) career in the military and focuses on a lot of social justice themes. Not only does she a) have a lot of interesting/enlightening things to say, but b) she also understands her privilege as a white woman and plugs for a lot of other women of color vloggers when she talks about something a little out of her depth or better said by someone who actually experiences it. She has a very complex view of the military and simultaneously knows how it manipulates/harms people and can’t help but love her job. She feels like she was born to do it, honestly. Idiot men come at her in the comments and she gets a lot of harassment. But let me tell you… She takes those motherfuckers out. You thought she was just talking shit? Bitch, she has 8 peer-reviewed scientific studies! She can cite her sources, all 2 dozen of them! She knows her shit, don’t test her. And if that doesn’t satisfy you, she’s always got her M16. One time she slams a dude so hard it goes viral over night and she gets hundreds of new followers, most of them young women looking for some source of empowerment and encouragement. She takes her new role very seriously. She will always, always listen and talk to young girls who are struggling or need an outlet or someone to talk to who won’t get upset with them for thinking X or Y. I love her, she’s my wife.

THE PACIFIC

Bob Leckie Leckie’s channel is called “Dear, Vera.” Each video is an adorable virtual letter to his wife, who he is just crazy smitten with. They started out as literal messages when Leckie was traveling for his first book tour (very proud of him). Like, he would literally just write out letters and then read them to the camera. Of course, Leckie is the most poetic idiot on the planet, and lots of people started following him because his words were honestly so beautiful. Even if he’s extra as heck. The following isn’t huge, but it’s substantial, and he still addresses each video to his wife. So he talks about whatever he likes. It was updates about his life when he was traveling, but when he’s home he likes to get creative about it. And not every episode is so serious. He invites dudes from Team Leckie to come hang all the time! And the boys are always like, “Hi, Vera!” and wave like she’s actually there. (She’s in the next room doing a Sudoku puzzle or something). Every video, he signs of with, “Yours, Robert.” AND AND AND when Vera tells him they’re going to be parents, Leckie gets extra extra. But it’s so cute, like, he makes a single video about it. He opens it with, “To my future child” And he basically goes on this whole teary-eyed kind of schpiel about how he’s so exited to meet them and how he and Vera are going to love them unconditionally and protect them and do their absolute best to keep them happy. He signs off with, “With love, your father.”

Hoosier Smith Hoosier is literally Cr1tiKal

Eugene Sledge Eugene’s channel is about ornithology, botany, and BEES! He loves bees! He uses the channel to geek out over biology things and it has so many cute graphics and jingles. Like, I mean, it’s hella gay. And he’s kind of awkward, but it’s so endearing. Most of his subscribers are girls and mlm and he’s just like, huh *shrug* He has little segments about current scientific events/findings. He has a birb of the week. It’s just… so nerdy. Like, chill out, dude. (Jk pls don’t ever chill out, follow your passions.) Snafu refuses to be in videos but he shouts at him from other rooms in the house, being a dick on purpose, calling him nerd, telling him to shut up. But Eugene is pretty good at coming back at him. He’s known Snafu too long for that kind of shit to actually bother him. And Eugene is like 70% sass, anyway.

Eddie Jones Eddie has a channel entirely dedicated to his original music!!! All his spending money goes to instruments and high quality recording equipment and audio editing software. He’s so good. Like. He’s got this warbling kind of sweet and broken voice. It’s very similar to jpitts, actually. And there’s so much heart in it. Not to mention the songs he writes are amazing and have clever lyrics. And guess what, boys and girls!!! Andy Haldane can sing. But he’s super shy about it. He and Eddie have had so many conversations that are like “Andy, come on, one video” “Nooo…” “Just one!” “Eddie, I caaaan’t” (Andy gets a little whiny when he’s nervous) So Andy won’t sing in a video BUT his soft voice can be heard harmonizing in some official recordings. Eddie loves listening to Andy sing. He’s not perfect or anything, but his voice is pretty and light and Eddie’s head over heels for him, so he can’t help but love it.

So, like I said. Way too long. But I had so much fun thinking up this stuff, so time well spent! I just did the boys (and girls) who came naturally to me when I tried to think of who would have a YouTube Channel. If anyone feels like adding to this monstrosity, go for it!

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Tres Horny Boys BFF’s Headcanons

Just to clarify, these are headcanons of what it would be like for you, the reader, to be best friends with one of the Tres Horny Boys. Also, there’s a special little bonus if you stick around to the end~

With that, I hope y’all enjoy!

Taako Taaco

-        Expect pop culture references that you may or may not understand. Who the hell is Angela Lansbury?

-        He will give you cooking lessons if you wheedle him into it, but be warned; He is not going to pull his punches. Prepare for critical Taako. The way he sees it, you’re not getting any better if he doesn’t call you out on your mistakes.

-        “You know the snails for that escargot are already dead, right? You don’t need to put that much salt in there, my man.”

-        Having said that, he’ll try to be helpful. Between all the “my dude’s” and wizardly shit going on, there’s the really sound advice of a years-experienced professional

-        Hangouts with Taako can… vary, in their nature. Sometimes you’ll watch a cheesy/crappy flick just to make fun of it, other times you’ll end up going out to a bar and the night will end with the two of you fighting off a dire bear. (Though according to him, “That only happened once, and it was because you thought you could out-drink a man twice your size in that gross dingy bar. That was so not on me.”)

-        He’s not always explicit with things like fears, insecurities, etc. He’s a chill guy, and he tries not to let all that biz get him down, y’know? But when things like that do happen to him, he’s secretly glad that you have his back and are ready to listen.

-        Having said that, he’ll listen if you’ve got some baggage to unload, too, but it’s only when you’ve been friends for a while that he starts to really let his guard down around you.

-        When you first met him, he tried to swindle you out of your valuables at least once.

-        You can roll to see if he succeeded.

-        As you got closer to him, you’ve slowly realized that he will do what he damn well pleases and no amount of “Taako! Behave yourself!” will change his mind.

-        Homeboy here will lowkey accept any juicy gossip about the Bureau that you have to offer. Just ‘cause his private life is nobody’s business doesn’t mean that he won’t indulge in some free entertainment, ya dig?

-        He’s not a hugger. If you’re the really touchy-feely type he’ll probably peel your arms off of him and tell you to “Keep your hands off the merchandise.”

Merle Hightower Highchurch

-        Moldy oldie

-        Don’t expect any barhopping or amusement park trips with this guy; he’s got enough excitement just doing his job for the Bureau.

-        Do expect personal stories about his life because we all know how much Merle loved that wedding ring around his neck, right? God, he just never shut up about it, the sentimental old fool. Classic Merle right there.

-        Nah, but seriously; don’t expect him to mention much of anything about his old family. If you try to snoop, you’ll probably get the Angus treatment. Maybe with less death threats; you are best friends after all.

-        Helping him babysit Magnus, who is arguably Merle’s other unruly son, is also an inevitable fate

-        As a general note: If you are the “Mom Friend”, and you’re hanging out with the Tres Horny Boys on the regular… I pity your soul. And your blood pressure. At least you manage to help Merle out sometimes.

-        He can give decent advice to calm a person down, or just bring them back down to earth. Although there’s about a 50/50 chance his advice is terrible. Viewer discretion is advised.

-        But for the love of all that is pure and holy do not ask him about romance; he doesn’t know it, he isn’t good at it, he knows that he isn’t good at it… He’ll try his best if you insist on asking him, but, geez, isn’t this a better question for say, Carey and Killian?

-        10/10 Grampa friend; read books and watch the fantasy football game with this small old man.

-        If you’re on the more mature side yourself, you’ll likely end up hanging out with him and Lucretia at some point. Sit back, sip some wine, and talk about the state of affairs of the BoB for a while.

-        You will want to braid his beard. The answer will always be no.

-        You are one of the rare few who has witnessed Tipsy Merle™; If you’ve never seen a dwarf get sloshed and then try to waddle his way home, complaining of a sore back and bad knees and how the stupid ground is too close to his face every time he falls down, only to stop in front of his door and be unable to get the damn thing open, then lemme tell you; It is truly a spectacle for the senses.

Magnus Burnsides

-        Cuddle puddles with Mags are the best things. This giant ruff boi is fantastic at making you feel safe and sound.

-        Sparring matches are probs a common pastime between the two of you.

-        If you feel weak, and want to really learn how to fight and defend yourself, Magnus is ready to teach you in a heartbeat. He tells you up front that it probably won’t be easy, but he supports you every step of the way if you really commit yourself to training.

-        He will let you hold Steven the (cute, happy lil’) Goldfish. Just be careful; Magnus loves him very much.

-        You will end up playing keep away with Angus’ things at least once. There is no option to this; It’s just gonna happen.

-        If you are very short then I’m not sayin’ Magnus will 100% for sure do that thing where he rests his arm on your head buuuut

-        He is, surprisingly, not awful at cooking and sewing. What he can do in these fields is pretty simple, but it’s also pretty effective.

-        Show him your whittling projects! Constructive criticism and praise will be received.

-        He normally doesn’t need much comfort when he thinks about his past. It makes him sad, yes, but he’s already decided to keep moving forward. When stuff like this gets him into a funk, a simple nod of encouragement and a squeeze of the shoulder should suffice, then just give him some space for a while.

-        Forgetting who exactly his enemy was in Wonderland really fucked him up, though. Well, wonderland fucked everybody up, but regardless; He told you about how now, when he thinks of what happened to him and his home, there’s a missing face and an enemy that exists but doesn’t at the same time. And despite everything that happened, Magnus still knows that this blank space where his nemesis is supposed to be wasn’t there before. You’ve never seen Magnus look as lost, angry and confused as he did when he tried to remember, and it is heartbreaking. Taako and Merle eventually help fill you in on what actually happened, making sure that Magnus can’t overhear them.

-        This is all assuming that you’re a member of the Bureau, btw. Now, this particular headcanon revolves around you being a dog lover as well. You and Mags try to sneak a dog onto the moon, y’all. Possibly even multiple times.

-        Lucretia always finds out. You’ve had to say many a tearful goodbye to Scraps, Buster, Fluffy, Jeano, Ted…

Bonus Ango!

-        Save him.

-        You pull his stuff out of the ‘keep away’ circle

-        You carry him on your shoulders and give him piggy back rides (he weighs like, nothing and it’s beautiful)

-        You’re sort of in this weird place between being this kid’s bestie and his older sibling/temporary parental figure. It’s no secret by now that the entire Bureau has sort of adopted Angus, so it’s no too hard of a job.

-        After he cries about finding his grandfather’s silverware at the Fantasy Costco, you help him buy it back. You trade a drop of your blood to Garfield the Deals Warlock in exchange for finding out who sold it to him. You make a mental note to shove Taako’s umbrella somewhere he won’t appreciate.

-        Ango  passes out in the most random places. His sleep schedule is shit. He’s up all night working on cases or worrying about the boys when they’re on a mission. When you can’t force him to sleep on time, you end up carrying him back to his bed and tucking him in.

-        You will, of course, only do so after taking gratuitous pictures of him sleeping in said odd places and posting them on Fantasy Instagram with tags like #Look at him #What a cutie #Lil’ angel #Fell asleep on top of a giant ancient tome #Magic Practice #Magic Studies #Director’s Library #Oh, look, the ink is trying to possess him by leaking into his skin! #Aww #My sweet sweet boy

-        You know about the stuffed dire bear plushie he still sleeps with and you have been sworn to secrecy.

-        Ruffle his hair through his hat. He hates it but it’s hilarious.