#i cry when i get those sorts of reviews and they ruin my day even tho i get twenty comments who love my rambling

[clenastia]

i dont know why the running joke of this chapter is kakashi fearing for his kidneys. where did that come from. WHY did that come from.

i should probably cut that in editing it's a little ridiculous.

except it makes me giggle every time so maybe i should leave it there.

[themusicsweetly]

Hi I really liked reading your impressions of FvF when you sent to see it. Can you post something similar when you go see Belfast?

[Anonymous #2 asked] : Hi Sarah, I'm glad I saw you went to go see Belfast yesterday. I know you of all people have been looking forward to it. You said you liked it and that Cait and Ciaran were best. Can you do one of your shouty caps for it? Thanks!

Hello there, Anons! Thanks so much for your asks.

I did finally go see Belfast yesterday! I won't do a Shouty!Caps recap for it (I'll start those again when the new OL season starts, though!) since it would be way too spoilery and many people aren't able to watch it until next year. I don't want to risk ruining it for anyone.

So here's something like what Anon #1 suggested, my non-spoilery (hopefully lol) impressions of Belfast. I'll preface this like I did with my FvF review and say brevity is not a word in my vocabulary LOL 😅

The last time I stepped inside a movie theater was 2 years ago, almost to the day, to see Ford v. Ferrari. This time, the only movie that could possibly make me go back to one during a pandemic — double-masked and everything — was, of course, Belfast. A heartfelt, touching, pure, and beautiful film that I absolutely loved. Poignant yet so simple. Jamie Dornan called it a “heartbreaking” and “heartwarming” movie and those really are the two best descriptors of how it makes you feel.

It hit all the notes that I’d think you want a family story like this to have: palpable love, humor, tears, and most of all a family you can cheer for. Buddy’s family definitely was that.

Jude Hill as Buddy is unquestionably the lead actor. And what an absolute little wonder he is! I am so incredibly impressed by him and his performance. Being told from his perspective, he’s in every single scene and we’re witnessing things as he is. His face and expressions are just so earnest. Half of what you get from him aren’t from his lines at all and as observer / conduit for the audience, that very much works to his and our benefit. I think it’s been a long while since I’ve watched a movie that is from the perspective of a child that doesn’t make you feel like you’re an adult looking down, if that makes sense. This movie, in the best way possible, brings you down to Buddy’s level and restores that sort of innocent naiveté in the viewer. It almost feels like you're viewing things as Charlie Brown would, sometimes not even seeing the adults' faces. And when that innocence is ripped away, Jude played the struggle between wanting to stay a child and coming to grips with what’s going on around him perfectly. He truly is a talent and I very much hope (and expect!) to see his name in many more leading roles in the future!

I’m sure it surprises no one that for me Caitriona Balfe is my go-to for Supporting Actress Oscar nomination. She is deserving of every single bit of praise she’s been getting for this role. Dame Judi is amazing as she always is but isn’t really in it enough to make me feel like she should get it. Her parts, two in particular, however were the ones that made me cry the most; having grown up in a generational household with my grandmother as well, I connected with her story more than any other character. Caitriona Balfe, though. Just wow. Huge shout-out to Sir Kenneth for writing this incredible, complex, multi-dimensional character and thinking only of Caitriona when casting. It makes total sense now that his inspiration for casting her came from Mollie Miles's driving scene in FvF. I was shocked at first to hear people say this is Caitriona’s best performance yet. Like, on par with Faith?!? Yes. Yes, it is and maybe then some 🤯

The biggest compliment I can give her, I think, is that she completely disappeared into Ma. I feel like I forgot I was watching Caitriona at times. She had so many notes to play (anger, stubbornness, heartbreak, ferocious protectiveness, joy, and humor) and she did them all one after another seamlessly and effortlessly. I was especially surprised by the humor we see in Ma. I feel like we’ve never truly gotten to see Caitriona properly stretch her funny bone (things like Couple’s Therapy not withstanding lol) and so it was such a pleasant surprise to see it come so naturally to her. There's one scene, a sort of flashback to a moment between Buddy, Ma, and the rent collector that had me in STITCHES. You'll know it when you see it lol. Caitriona also claims she's not a good dancer?? Straight up lies, ma'am.

And like in Faith, Ma has an emotion-filled monologue toward the end and just like then it was simply MASTERFUL. The craziest thing is that she gets maybe three huge moments like that where I thought, "okay submit that scene to the Academy!" It will be the biggest injustice if she doesn’t get recognized for her outstanding work in this film.

Of the men, Ciaran Hinds wins it for me, hands down. Pop’s relationship with Buddy is the perfect, pure mix of best friend and guardian. Ciaran approaches it by never talking to Buddy as a child. He straddles the line of sincere and witty with every word he says it’s just such a joy to watch. He made watching Pop feel like a warm cup of tea on a chilly day, there’s really no better way for me to describe it. Out of the adults, Jamie was maybe the weakest player for me. Not to say he wasn’t very good in it because he was. But he played Pa far more one-note comparatively. He also didn’t have any big emotional stand-out moments that made him shine. If anything he was a really great backboard for the other actors, rounding out their shining moments.

Special shout-out goes to Lara McDonnell who plays Moira, Buddy’s mischievous neighborhood friend. I think I could have been irritated with her character for being a little too predictably devious and more childish than Buddy in some ways, but somehow Lara made that fun to watch.

If I were to nitpick, it’d probably be in a few of Sir Kenneth’s choices in transitions and music. The transition into the Everlasting Love scene was a bit too abrupt for me. It made it feel like something was cut out to get from the previous scene to the singing. A little unfortunate since that scene itself was perfect (MORE of Caitriona dancing? Yes, please!!!). There were also times when I felt like they leant too heavily on the Western shoot-out theme in the music, but the other music moments were so good I can overlook that. And all that said, I definitely think Sir KB deserves to be nominated for Best Original Screenplay and possibly even Best Director for his unique way of making us feel as if we're looking through Buddy's eyes.

Oftentimes you hear movies getting all this Oscars buzz, go to see it, and you end up wondering why it even deserves to be talked about. Belfast, in my opinion wholly and truly deserves it. While I wouldn’t call it a feel good movie, it does just that — makes you feel good. And makes you feel sad and nostalgic. And it makes you feel hopeful, in some ways too. The world they suddenly found themselves living in looks much like what you turn on the news everyday to find: violent, divided, scary. Seeing this family in the middle of it all, scared for their children’s lives and yet still able to hold on to their open-mindedness instead of caving to the pressures of prejudice, reminds you that it doesn’t always have to be that way. If Jamie perfectly described how Belfast makes you feel, Caitriona perfectly put into words how it should make you see:

“I think the thing to take away is how important love and family and community is and the danger of when we let politics divide us and separate us. There's beauty in our differences and I think to retain that love of community, I think that's really special. And how absolutely awful that is when that gets torn apart.”

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing but the Best

Author Notes: hello again my loves! Thank you for all your likes, reviews and specially your comments! I love it when you make questions and in general let me know what you think about the chapter. Thank you once more for all your support!

XII.

They say time heals all wounds, but there are some wounds that run so deep they refuse to stop bleeding.

https://youtu.be/s1tAYmMjLdY

A cold September afternoon welcomed the dying rays of the sun, the incandescent amber tones of the twilight illuminated the streets of Tokyo, ever so vibrant; full of life, people, delicious food, kaleidoscopic colors, laughter, children running…. Couples holding hands.

A tall man with a blindfold walked down a heavily transited sidewalk with his hands in his pockets and a small bag of pastries hanging off the side. Slowly, he made his way further away from the more concentric streets towards a park, he found a bench near a fountain and took a seat placing his bag right next to him.

The world remained the same and yet everything seemed to have changed, the days were now long and boring, conversations with people didn’t manage to hold his attention for long; missions were repetitive. Everything seemed… dull, opaque, flavorless, empty…

Everything, except perhaps his students who were the only sliver of hope he had left. Those kids would make it far in life, they were going to change the world and he was going to be there to help them along the way. A sad smile pulls at his peachy lips. You would have liked that. After all, the kids also enjoyed your company back in the day when you were still his. It was as if you had become their adoptive mother of sorts at some point. Your nurturing nature guided you to care for others.

A year ago when Yuuji was placed under his care and tutelage at Jujutsu High it had been hard for the boy. At the time the kid had just lost his only living relative and to top it off he also consumed the most powerful curse ever known to man kind.

He had so much responsibility on his shoulders Satoru couldn’t help but make the connection with himself when he was a kid his age. That’s how Satoru decided to take him home for dinner one night; he couldn’t have been more pleased with his decision. Of course, you adored Yuuji. His sweet snd enthusiastic personality, his polite manners and naiveté made him just endearing in your eyes.

Even Megumi, who barely spoke with his more taciturn approach asked about you. Satoru didn’t know how to answer. The dark haired boy would also come and visit your home to help you prepare some foreign delicacies you loved to cook. Sighing once more he ran his hands through his white hair.

***-Flashback-***

“So where’s Y/N-san? I haven’t seen her in a long time?” Asked Megumi right after Satoru returned from New York. It caught him by surprise

“She… she doesn’t live in Japan anymore” was all he said before changing the subject. Megumi looked at him with eyes wide open but decided not to pry.

Yeah… that probably was weird. Someone asks you about your spouse and you say they moved out of the country. It was pretty obvious what that meant.

***~End Flash Back~***

Sighing he opened the small paper bag containing his mochi, he loved his desert but lately he didn’t even have the will to indulge in sweets anymore. Satoru consumed insane amounts of sugar to stimulate his brain. The problem was that during the past year all that stimulation manifested in the form of vivid memories of you. Your voice, your smell, your presence. It was as if his brain chose to take him down the path to misery, as if to rub on his face what he could never have.

As of last week you were officially not Y/N Gojo anymore. He finally signed those blasted papers giving you your freedom and his capitulation.

It had been one of the worst days of his life.

After signing the divorce Satoru went straight to the liquor store where he found that exotic apricot liquor he liked in New York and bought a bottle. Once he made it back home he proceeded to get drunk out of his mind. The next morning he woke up by the pool, laying down on a tanning chair, wearing only a pair of boxers and hugging your wedding picture.

His head was killing him, at some point he had emptied his insides in the pool. A disgusted grimace reminded him he had to hire some help to take care of the house that was an absolute disaster, faithfully reflecting the state of its owner.

That morning, nursing a hangover he swore off alcohol for the rest of his life.

But hey! On the positive side he didn’t remember at all that night! Which means he ‘probably’ didn’t think about you (yeah right! As if he was ever not thinking about you) and how much he hated the fact you were not his Y/N Gojo anymore. You were not his wife anymore…

The memory made him want to cry like a baby. He lost the person he loved the most in his life because he had been one flaming idiot.

Despite all his efforts he could not forget you. Wherever he went, whatever he did… there you were, tormenting his waking and sleeping hours like his own personal curse.

He tried to get over you. He tried to be the asshole you knew him to be. He slept with so many women he couldn’t even count. But at the end of the night, in the throes of passion it was your face that he saw, your body that he craved, your flavor that he yearned and your name the one he called out when he climaxed.

He was absolutely fucked.

Revisiting memories of the last night he saw you he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been at the time. It took him so long to realize he had always been in love with you but Satoru, being well… himself, he didn’t want to see or admit that he had been head over heels, madly in love with you. He was a cynical bastard and that had cost him dearly. He chose to lie to himself thinking that THE Gojo Satoru was above all human weaknesses… including love. What an ignorant fucker he had been.

He wondered how you were doing and if you ever thought about him.

A frown made his handsome face look stern. Well… you were not alone anymore. Suguru also had stayed back in New York with you. After Satoru returned to Japan, Ijichi told him Geto Suguru wouldn’t be working out of Japan anymore. He had requested a transfer to the Americas.

Of course he did…

It had been one of the reasons Satoru fucked so many women. In his delusional mind he was ‘getting even’ with you for sleeping with Suguru. Not that he knew for a fact you were sleeping with him or not but… I mean….

Come on! It’s mother fucking Geto Suguru we are talking about here! 6’2 of pure sculpted muscles, tattoos and bad boy looks but with a Prince Charming complex. Yeah… Satoru was green with jealousy because he knew his former best friend was a better man for you than he ever was.

Looking down at his mochi bag he realized the small item had paid the price of his anger as he uncurled his death grip from the bag. Sighing he tossed the ruined pastry in the trash can to his left.

“Miss you….” He whispered to the wind.

———–

“I’m home!” You announced walking into your apartment. Setting you bag down as well as a couple of grocery bags “did you start dinner already?” You ask pleasantly surprised although you already knew the answer to that question since all the apartment smelled fantastic. Suguru walked out of the kitchen with a big smile wearing an apron that read ‘Kiss the Cheff’ nods “yes! I figured I would give you a hand tonight!” He answered as you walked to him to wrap your arms around his waist and give him a chaste kiss on his cheek “thank you Sugu. How was your mission?” You asked deciding to set up the table while Suguru finished dinner. “Not too bad actually, it was a special grade but nothing I couldn’t deal with” you returned a bright smile “I’m glad”

Your friendship with Suguru had slowly evolved into something else. You both spent all of your free time together. Your connection was deeper than mere sexual attraction. Suguru truly understood you, cared for you, shared your dreams and hopes. He was the type of poetic soul who would stay awake with you well into the night just to talk about the stars, the book you read that week that you loved, the new music you liked. It was wholesome.

On the more carnal side you desired Suguru and he desired you but you hadn’t taken what was going on between you two further than a few passionate make-out sessions and some cuddling.

After you last saw Satoru everything became worse before it got better. Suguru had been your rock, he had been there for the sleepless nights you spent crying. Without a word he held you in his strong arms and allowed you to let go. He knew you were deeply wounded, your emotions in disarray and your mental stability in peril. But Suguru never asked anything from you, he gave you the strength to go on. To take care of yourself, to keep going with your career. To have… hope.

It seemed like a dream to think that your life had changed so much in the span of a year. You weren’t able to recognise yourself anymore. Pain and duress molded you into someone new, better, more resilient, harder to hurt.

At this point, the only person you fully trusted was Suguru, he was always honest with you, no matter what happened or how much something hurt, he always remained true to himself and to you.

It was impossible not to love someone like him. He was the whole package.

Suguru was handsome, that was indisputable. But Geto was more than a pretty face. He was kind, truly kind! He did things out of the goodness of his heart, not because he expected anything in return. He was honest, Suguru Geto would never lie to you and THAT is what you loved the most about him.

He was patient.

He wanted you to be his but at the same time Suguru wanted you to heal, to have the chance to trust and love again, not as a means to forget about Satoru but because you wanted to choose a new path for yourself.

After diner you helped with the dishes and then settled on the couch. Suguru joined with a smile and two glasses of wine. He handed you one and sipped on the other one “what would you like to watch tonight Kitten?” He asked sitting next to you while picking a movie from the titles available on the screen of the tv.

“Anything you like! It’s your turn to pick” you said with a smile, leaning your head on his shoulder making Suguru smile. These tender displays of affection always made him feel so warm. Passing an arm around your shoulders he kissed your forehead.

You look up into his hazel eyes you blush. Suguru didn’t lose a second before he closed the space between your lips. The kiss was soft but meaningful, you didn’t hesitate to return it; wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to then climb on his lap straddling his hips.

The handsome sorcerer leans back, relaxing and running his hands slowly up and down your naked thighs covered only by the small fabric of your shorts, he strokes them softly leaving a path of warmth in the wake of his touch. Suguru deepened the kiss. His tongue delved in your mouth, slowly inviting yours to join the delicious dance. After a few minutes you pulled back, you are breathless. Your heart beats fast and the adrenaline was making you dizzy in anticipation.

Suguru looks at you, leaning his forehead against yours “I missed you” he ads before engulfing you in another passionate kiss, not even giving you the chance to reply. This time his lips are more demanding, his teeth nibbling your lower lip, requesting entrance. His tongue still tastes like the wine and you recognize his addictive flavor. Suddenly you find yourself laying on your back on the white couch, Suguru is on top of you and your legs are wrapped around his waist. Things are getting much more heated than you anticipated. Your hands roam the expanse of his back over hard muscles and warm skin covered only by the thin layer of his t-shirt. You know if you keep going this way you won’t be able to stop.

https://youtu.be/yBatuRGZAmA

A part of you doesn’t want this to end, you want to go all the way with Suguru. But… as much as you hate it, there is a tiny part of you that feels ambivalent about it. You wonder why is that you can’t just… do it!? You want Suguru! God! You desire him more than you can express with words, the growing wetness between your legs is evidence that you indeed were very much sexually attracted to him and yet your mind kept torturing you.

It was… complicated.

Your marriage with Satoru have been over longer than that piece of paper you got last week said. But erasing your feelings wasn’t something you could ever hope to do.

As much as you wanted to give yourself to Suguru it felt wrong that you were holding a part of yourself back. You wanted to give him everything, he deserved EVERYTHING of you. It wouldn’t be fair to just have sex with him when he deserved to be made love to.

You love Suguru, everyday that goes by your feelings for him grow and intensify, it was hard to even understand why would you hesitate and yet you did.

Your passionate kiss slowly becomes more tender until you are just sharing small pecks. Suguru pulls back with a little comforting smile; he felt the change in your body language, he knew what was going through your mind. You explained it to him before and he didn’t want to push you. He knew you needed to go at your own pace and he respected that.

“I’m… so-“ you starts apologetically but Suguru stops you with a little kiss “don’t… don’t apologize, I know baby…” he said reassuringly. Sealing his tender words with a kiss. When you separate again he asks “Alright little kitten, tell me… what’s it gonna be? ‘Dorian Grey’ or ‘Only Lovers Left Alive’?” Pulling you in his strong arms he cuddled with you on the couch, returning to the choices for movie you had.

You were so thankful for this man in your life “let’s go with ‘Only Lovers left Alive’”

With a last kiss he started the movie and pulled a blanket over you both.

He could wait, he would wait till the end of time. For you.

———-> Chapter 13/Part 1

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[robininthelabyrinth]

Good Help - chapter 2 - ao3 link

-

Despite the circumstances of their first meeting, Meng Yao mostly appreciated A-Jue for his quick mind and fearlessness – and, yes, occasionally for his towering height that made grabbing books from high places infinitely easier – rather than his muscles, however impressive they were. In fact, after the first few weeks, he had very nearly forgotten that A-Jue was a guard of the inner hall.

The assassination attempt put an end to that oversight.

It wasn’t that Meng Yao hadn’t anticipated such an attempt, nor that he hadn’t taken precautions. He was careful to take his meals in the communal kitchen at unexpected hours and tested even the snacks he kept with him before consuming them, and naturally avoided any unsupervised hallways or attempts to lure him outside, but he had underestimated the enmity that greeted his appointment: he had not thought that they would launch a direct attack.

The perpetrators entered his office as petitioners, posing as clerks for an influential merchant, and launched the attack just as they were settling into the rhythm of negotiations. They were hoping to catch him distracted, which they did, but Meng Yao had always had good instincts; he realized what was happening the first moment they moved. He was out of his chair and reaching for the flexible sword he stored around his waist almost at once, already calculating how many injuries he could incur and still be able to fight back enough to preserve his life – he just needed to survive until the guards came in, unless they’d somehow gotten rid of those, in which case he needed to run –

The calculations proved unnecessary.

By the time Meng Yao’s hand reached the hilt of his blade, A-Jue was already in front of him, catching one assassin the chest with a vicious palm strike and knocking him into the path of another, turning fluidly to slam an elbow into a third.

He didn’t even draw the saber that hung low at his waist, just knocked aside the assassin’s swords and daggers with his bare hands and then beating them with his fists and feet.

Meng Yao stood there for a moment, blinking, and by the time even his quick-moving mind caught up with everything the assassins all were unconscious or paralyzed, the merchant was on his knees begging for mercy and swearing to his ignorance, and A-Jue was standing there, frowning slightly at one of the still-twitching assassins like he was considering going in for more.

“Why didn’t you draw your saber?” Meng Yao asked, both because he was curious and because it was a better reaction than saying I forgot you could do that or I thought I’d be facing them all on my own again, or, even worse, thanks.

“I thought you’d want them alive to question them,” A-Jue said, blinking at him – he had the same expression of good-natured puzzlement as he did any time Meng Yao corrected him, whether as to his calculation of accounting errors or underestimating the malice inherent in mankind, which remained a subject of recurrent disagreement. “Was I wrong?”

“Not at all,” Meng Yao said, and felt once again the thrill of power when A-Jue nodded and called for other guards to enter and remove the bodies, although he crouched by each one first to check them over for any suicide pills or arrays that might interfere with an interrogation. His professional detachment and efficient resolution of events was truly suitable for a guard of the inner hall, the finest of Wen Ruohan’s soldiers; there could be no complaints.

There was something truly delightful about having a powerful man at your beck and call, Meng Yao reflected, and wondered briefly if A-Jue had been sent his way deliberately as a plant to infiltrate his confidence. It seemed unlikely, given the random nature of their meeting, and certainly A-Jue didn’t fit any of Meng Yao’s known pre-existing preferences, other than in terms of bedpartners. And yet he grew suspicious, if only because A-Jue suited him so very well, just right in every way…

Meng Yao spent the next three days conducting a series of covert tests to see if any information was being leaked from his office through A-Jue, but there was nothing. Ultimately, he was forced to conclude that A-Jue might actually just be – like that.

Straightforward and blunt, fearless in both speech and action, decisive and capable and yet willing to take orders from Meng Yao, never judging him for his birth but respecting him for his abilities…

Good help, he reminded his suddenly over-active libido. Hard to find. Don’t ruin a good thing.

It was hard to remember, though. A-Jue was just the sort of man Meng Yao liked when he went for men: handsome and powerfully built, well-born or rich or both, stern and unyielding in demeanor, the sort of man for whom life generally went the way they wanted. The sort could easily get a girl, even one of good breeding and appropriate lineage, merely by snapping his fingers. The type of man that might tempt even a practiced whore.

Meng Yao liked to break those types of men.

It was a trait he shared with Wen Ruohan, and one of the ways he had managed to get the Emperor’s attention – that first job he had taken had been in the Fire Palace, the Emperor’s torture chambers, and he had worked out a considerable portion of his anger and anxiety through the torment of his enemies, defined liberally as anyone who insulted his mother. He’d matured since then, growing calmer, but he still liked to put proud men on their knees and make them service him, to rub their faces in the fact that he was the one with the power, to make them crawl and plead and cry for him. Though he supposed for someone like A-Jue – he wouldn’t need to break him, really.

It’d be enough to see him bend. Willingly, for him.

And yet, if Meng Yao did that, wouldn’t A-Jue start to flinch from him and turn away from him – seek to preserve his injured pride by fleeing Meng Yao’s presence, the way so many others before him had? It would make working together much more annoying, and A-Jue was perfect the way he was.

Almost irritatingly so. If only A-Jue were more inclined to make errors, Meng Yao would feel freer to take advantage of him.

“Have you ever thought less of me because of my parentage?” Meng Yao asked one evening, apropos of nothing, when A-Jue was already exhausted and more than a little wild-eyed from having to review every single one of the reports on wheat yields in their northern provinces as part of Meng Yao’s random audit of the files.

“I mean, Jin Guangshan’s a waste of space, but you’re nothing like him, so not after the beginning,” A-Jue said automatically, then scowled at Meng Yao when he started laughing. “What? Give me a break, I didn’t know you then! How was I to guess that you’d actually be competent? Or – not awful?”

“I was,” Meng Yao said with dignity, even if his lips insisted on twitching, “referring to my mother.”

“But you hate it when people talk about your mother,” A-Jue said blankly, then shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, is this some sort of mind game? If so, can it wait until tomorrow? I’m going to dream in wheat prices.”

“It can wait until tomorrow,” Meng Yao agreed, pretending to be solemn. He wasn’t sure if he was more amused at A-Jue’s ridiculous perspective on things or the fact that he seemed to think Meng Yao was not awful simply because he’d indulged him a few times when he was being especially insistent on doing things the soft-hearted way.

“You’re making fun of me again,” A-Jue grumbled. “I don’t know why, but you are. Fuck you.”

The next day, Meng Yao asked A-Jue if he’d ever been to a whorehouse.

“Yes, while on campaign,” A-Jue said, blinking rapidly as if he were trying to hide something, or more likely not think of something. Either he’d had a bad experience or he thought Meng Yao was going to cut off his balls for admitting it.

Which he wouldn’t, of course. There was nothing wrong with the better sort of customer, and Meng Yao felt certain that A-Jue would have been that sort, could imagine him sitting in the corner with a jar of wine and a blush until he was coaxed upstairs and then paying too much for the privilege, after...but it was cute that A-Jue worried about such things.  

Meng Yao put a friendly hand on A-Jue’s shoulder – the man flinched, briefly, but quickly mastered himself, just as he did any time anyone touched him – and said in his best sugar-sweet sympathetic tone that he hadn’t had to use on anyone in ages, “Did she touch you in a bad place?”

“The honored viceroy can go fuck himself any time he damn well pleases,” A-Jue said, and he had no idea how much Meng Yao would like to ask him if he’d prefer to do the honors himself.

“Do you know any other curses, or is it just variations on the term ‘fuck’?” he asked instead, thinking good help, good help, good help. “I know at least three dozen involving farmyard animals, if you’d like to learn.”

A-Jue’s laugh was in no way like a braying donkey, no matter what Meng Yao pretended to insist.

-

“Have you considered the benefits of a regular routine of physical exercise?” A-Jue asked.

Meng Yao glared at him.

“I’m just saying,” A-Jue said. “It would make your life easier.”

“Shut up and help me get down from up here,” Meng Yao hissed – A-Jue had taken care of the vicious snarling creatures that had somehow gotten loose, an obvious follow-up assassination attempt now that the poisoning he thought he’d identified in a late-night dessert had been demonstrably unsuccessful, even if A-Jue had insisted that they were just “sweet little puppies” and Meng Yao was “overreacting”.

“I’d be happy to help train you, if you’d like.”

“I’m far too busy,” Meng Yao said with what little shreds of dignity he still possessed. “I do three times as much work as you do, I don’t have capacity to running off to go wave a stick in the air multiple times a day like some people.”

A-Jue grinned at him, utterly unmoved, and Meng Yao huffed, rolling his eyes at him.

“If I agree,” he said, with no intention whatsoever of agreeing, “will you finally show me your saber?”

If there was innuendo in there – well. He was only a man, after all.

“Perhaps one day,” A-Jue said. “It’s not a privileged I give to everyone.”

Meng Yao tried to parse whether that was flirting. He couldn’t quite tell.

“Well, your saber is very large,” he said, probing. “Maybe you should take it out more often.”

“When I take out my saber, someone dies,” A-Jue said, and – probably not flirting, then. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally skewer you.”

Possibly very strange flirting? Meng Yao wouldn’t put it past A-Jue.

“Yes, well,” he said, straightening his robes and settling back into professional mode. “You have fun with your exercise, but leave me out of it.”

A-Jue escorted him back to his office first, conscientious as always.

Once he was gone, Meng Yao rang a certain bell and summoned Sisi, whose freedom was probably the best investment he’d ever made – she’d merged into the palace staff without leaving so much as a trace behind, acting as though the other girls were her sisters and she’d been there forever, and she was more than willing to report on everything she learned.

Also, she’d retained enough of her looks that everyone thought that Meng Yao only summoned her for sex, making A-Jue’s occasional disappearances for training purposes the perfect time for Meng Yao to meet with her without suspicion – he’d given up most of his paranoia surrounding A-Jue, but that was no reason to share all of his tricks.

Besides, he wasn’t sure he actually wanted A-Jue and Sisi to meet.

“When you’re done fucking him, can you share?” Sisi asked after she put down the tray of snacks – buns and a pot of tea, all of which she sampled before his eyes in the name of sharing food. “Man like that deserves to be common property.”

“I’m not whoring him out,” Meng Yao said, a warning in his tone, and Sisi sighed dramatically.

“Tell me you’re at least having a good time with all those muscles,” she said. “Someone ought to be.”

Meng Yao rolled his eyes.

“Where’s the trouble coming from this time?” he asked, deciding to elide the issue entirely. “I keep hearing whispers and people look nervous, the way they do before some sort of trouble, but neither gentry nor merchant class seem to have produced anything out of the ordinary, and I can’t imagine it’s the farmers again after last time.”

“You’re looking out, you should be looking in,” she said.

“The Emperor’s court?”

That could be a serious problem. Any political turmoil that happened within the Nightless City would have ramifications well beyond it.

“His harem,” Sisi said, her face alight with the pleasure of gossip. “Word’s come back from the south – turns out that the Emperor took one of the Imperial Consorts with him for his trip.”

Even Meng Yao’s eyebrows raised.

“And with the Empress in seclusion, well…”

It wasn’t as though the Empress had a strong maternal family as a backing – no one even knew what her surname was – but she’d been there for years and years, practically part of the décor. Replacing her with one of the Consorts would be…a change.

The Nightless City hated change.

“Could you ask to see her?” Sisi asked. “Just as proof of life…”

“I could,” Meng Yao said, because technically he had authority over everyone, “but I won’t. Why would I invite trouble for myself? I’d have to explain to the Emperor why I interfered with his harem.”

“Good point,” Sisi said, although she looked disappointed.

“Which Consort?”

“The rumor says A-Sang,” she said. “The one that likes to carry scholarly fans.”

“A-Sang? Really?”

“I know! We all thought that the Emperor didn’t even like A-Sang – everyone agrees that A-Sang never got any imperial visits before this; the Emperor never spent a night in A-Sang’s rooms, never even shared a meal, nothing. But why else would he take A-Sang with him on a months-long journey?”

Why indeed. The Emperor remained as unfathomable as ever. Meng Yao wondered briefly if Wen Ruohan really had murdered the Empress in her seclusion, faking her presence with a note…still, it seemed implausible. Why would he bother?

“I heard a rumor once,” he said instead. “About A-Sang.”

Like all good spies and shit-stirrers, Sisi was immediately at full attention – she knew that Meng Yao was not inclined to gossip for the pleasure of it, the way she was, and therefore he would only volunteer information if he intended for her to spread it.

“A-Sang is the Empress’ family,” Meng Yao said, and Sisi’s eyes went wide. “Younger sibling.”

Younger brother, he thought, though he didn’t say anything – he didn’t actually know for sure. It was hard to tell. Wen Ruohan didn’t lock away his wives the way some men did; on the contrary, he enjoyed bringing them out for celebrations to show them off. But the Empress was invariably veiled, swathed in silks without a hint of skin showing, always seated in her chair as if she were kneeling in penance, never moving; Meng Yao, who only saw her from a distance during the celebrations, sometimes almost thought she might not have legs. In daily life, she sometimes attended the Emperor’s court, but always remained seated behind her veils and sometimes even a screen, little more than a silhouette from which, rarely, notes emerged but no voice ever did.

Naturally, if the Empress preferred to be veiled, that meant the other wives had to at least pretend to follow her lead. And that meant veils and concealing clothing, even if some of them interpreted the concept rather loosely, with sheer veils and even sheerer clothing, meant to entice – A-Sang fell somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, wearing a veil that revealed his eyes and clothing that allowed him flexibility of movement without too much restraint, and while he was slender and delicate, Meng Yao was moderately certain that he was indeed male.

Not that it mattered.

Wen Ruohan had never much cared about that.

“Amazing,” Sis breathed. “So all these years, the Emperor has been refraining from touching A-Sang out of respect for the Empress, and now the little sister wife has finally made her move…”

Meng Yao had said none of that, but it served him to muddle the waters a little, mostly to see who would try to clear it up. Not that it could be, as his information about their familial connection was accurate – gleaned from a careless comment by Wen Ruohan himself, no less – but it interested him to know who would try regardless.

“Go,” he said, and Sisi left, all but floating, and it wasn’t long before A-Jue returned, all shiny with sweat and exertion, looking incredibly fuckable.

“You worked near the harem, right?” Meng Yao asked him, mind still focused on the bubbling little scandal that he just knew would become an issue that could wreck his thus far successful regency. “Do you have any connections there?”

“Not really?” A-Jue said. “Most of the wives are scared of me.”

Typical.

“Is there something you’d like me to find out for you..?”

“No need,” Meng Yao said. He’d never met anyone less well suited to be a spy than A-Jue. “But it may be an avenue of future threats, so keep it in mind.”

“I’m not going to let anyone from the harem harm you,” A-Jue said, oddly fierce. “Not anyone. Don’t worry.”

[bokutobaes]

inarizaki boys when you have a bad day

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆-with: atsumu, suna, kita

☆-!warnings!: swearing, parental issues, parents fighting, (there’s nothing physically violent), illness like the flu

☆-a/n: yall these are longgg LOL sorry

☆- author: lu <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ atsumu:

-his baby had a bad day :((

-just kidding he didn’t notice at first I’m so sorry nzjsjjsj

-your lockers are nearby so he’s usually waiting for you there first thing in the morning

-you woke up today with a headache and you were just really tired from studying last night :/

-you wanted to suck it up because it was your own fault for leaving the studying until the night before the test you had

-anyways, you were walking up to your locker lowkey trying to avoid eye contact with him

-“hi tsumu :)” u fricken liar with that fake smile

-“morning babe!” atsumu pulled u in for a back hug “i have to get to class kinda early for a test review so i’ll see you at lunch”

-and with that he was pecking your cheek and leaving

-“okay.. kind of good” you thought.. you didn’t wanna worry him or anything so you headed to you first class, math

-hell literally broke loose.. you forgot your pencil case and had to ask like 4 people until you got one which was embarrassing

-AND THEN the teacher called on you for an answer that you didn’t know like the universe

was against you or something

-“uhh... ummm i don’t know..” headass😩

-the class after that was slightly less dehumanizing but it was also japanese class.. the class you had a test in that you just barely studied for

-you did the test and lost braincells, blood sweat and tears LOL

-“okay class these will be graded by lunchtime so please come by to collect your scores before your next class”

-ogey :/ anyways u went to ur next class and before u knew it, it was lunch time.

-a text from atsumu made your phone vibrate while on your way to get your test scores

-“hey babe im actually gonna eat lunch with samu we’re practicing a bit at lunch”

-oh :) ok :) that’s fine :) not like u :) desperately:) need a hug :) right now :)

-“oh okay babe” you text back

-whatever u don’t need him independent queen

-that’s your mindset.. until you get those test scores

-it’s a literal fail .. did not pass the test.. ok..

-“y/n san, these test scores were not your usual best. I’m slightly disappointed, if there’s anything going on please let me know”

-“thank you sensei. i’ll do better next time.

-at this point you were just tying not to cry so you took your test and shouldered your bag and walked to a bench outside for some fresh air.

-right.. you didn’t bring lunch today

-so now you were hungry, tired, defeated, disappointed and lonely :,(

-the last class of your day went by quickly probably because you were zoned out the whole time

-the end of the day came and you were at your locker when your guardian texted you

-“Y/n, you had that test today right? I’m expecting to see the grade when your back home. Didn’t have time to make food tonight so find something to eat on your way home.”

-oh that test ? lol hahaha the one that you failed?! yeah that one haha lol lollll

-so with that, you started your walk home

-“y/n!!”

-fuck. atsumu.

-if you saw him now you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears and you really didn’t want to cry

-so your solution? pretend you didn’t hear him and walk faster lmfaokdhdh

-but atsumu, being.. well atsumu, decided to just full speed sprint towards you to put his shoulder around you

-“i literally know you heard me. i missed you today sorry about lun- why are you crying ?!!?”

-“bad day” you choked out before a shuddering gasp wracked your chest

-atsumu didn’t say anything he just wrapped you in a tight hug, petting you hair while you cried into his chest

-“its okay babe.. “ :(

-“you wanna come over? we can get food and cuddle”

-you nodded your head taking a shaky breath

-his hand reached out and wiped your tears, brushed your hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead like it was natural to him.

-and so you walked together hand in hand to atsumu’s house where you ate samu’s leftover onigiri and vented to atsumu about the day while you cuddled

-he also gave you a hoodie :,)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ suna:

-“living is a chore :|” you thought as the alarm rang through your room ruining your peaceful sleep

-it was raining outside and your mind went back to last night, the screaming match your parents had

-normally you’d be used to it but it felt like they were starting to take the anger they had for each other out on you now

-you tried not to but you started thinking about all the things your mom had yelled to you through the closed door of your bedroom

-“your just like your father. you’re selfish, lazy and all you do is run around with that little boyfriend of yours! what about your family?! you think your better then us? why don’t you move out then since your so good at being independent?!”

-everything she said was always completely blown out of proportion, she lied all the time. it’s exhausting for you

-you started getting ready for school, you wanted to see suna and your friends and laugh and just forget last night even happened

-when you got to school suna was there at your locker scrolling lazily through his phone

-you smiled, genuinely as he looked up and greeted you with a smirk

-“nice hair.”

-“wha-“ you started and then smacked his arm when you realized that your baby hairs were out of sorts “shutup” you scowled

-“good morning” suna hugged you

-“good morning”

-now you were off to class, it always went by too fast, you thought. school was always done in the blink of an eye

-“what’re you doing at lunch?” your friend tapped your shoulder and whispered to you

-“mmm nothing probably why?”

-“let’s eat on the roof today! yui told me there’s gonna be a rainbow cuz it stopped raining.”

-“okay” you smiled

-now at lunch with your friends you ate the bento you had packed before. the rainbow was there and it was beautiful

-you were having fun just laughing with your friends and texting suna while he sent terrible photos of atsumu. things were good, you had forgotten about your mom

-until the end of the day came and you had to go back home

-as usual suna was at his locker waiting so that you could walk home together

-after crossing the street you and suna were at a bike path, trees surrounding the fences

-it was a comfortable silence until...

-“what’s wrong?”

-suna asking took you by surprise, you didn’t think you were acting any different. were you?

-“what are you talking about”

-“you look sad, you did this morning too but then you were fine the rest of the day so I didn’t say anything. but, you look sad again now”

-“oh..”

-so suna just saw right through you

-“ um.. i’m okay.. it’s just ..” you laughed dryly “i don’t really want to go home”

-“did something happen?”

-“yeah.. my parents were fighting, it turned into this whole thing.” you felt a lump in your throat start to form “i don’t really wanna talk about it”

-“okay. you should just come over then, right?”

-“can i?”

-“you literally don’t even have to ask me anymore y/n” suna grabbed your hand and led the way

-when you got there suna hopped on his couch and started putting on something from netflix

-“my parents aren’t home, my sister has a dance thing today” he grabbed a blanket and you sat down, putting your head in his lap

-suna put on a comedy show, of course he would

-he played with your hair while you watched and after an episode or two, he asked

-“do you want to talk about it now?”

-and so you did, you told him what happened last night and what your mom said. your plan was to not cry but that failed miserably

-suna listened intently, he told you the truth, he said that what she said wasn’t true, he told you you could sleepover whenever you needed to.

-kissed you and wrapped you back in the blanket

-“i love you, you know that right? always.”

-he always knew what to say and you loved him for that

-“i love you too, suna”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ kita:

-kita knew, first thing he noticed when he saw you that you weren’t okay

-you woke up with a terrible headache, aching body and stomachache

-so this is it? this is hell? ok.

-but the test.. you had a test today. fortunately you had actually studied for weeks because you knew it was important

-mentally? you were ready for that test. physically? you had the spanish influenza

-so you weighed the options and decided you would go to school, take the test and then come back home after.

-the problem with that was that kita would in fact lecture you on all the reasons you should not have come to school

-he was right of course, but you still decided that you would need to avoid him for today

-spoiler alert it did not work

-your test was your third class of the day so you only had to get through 2 classes and you’d leave at lunch perfectly avoiding kita

-this was what you thought while you were at your locker until you closed it and walked directly into kitas chest

-“wow”

-“good morning y/n-chan”

-“morning kita! i have to go or I’ll be late!”

-you ran😭 and you almost got away too but kita grabbed your arm and pulled you to one side of the hallway

-he felt your forehead and both cheeks

-“you have a fever y/n”

-“no I don’t I’m just hot from walking to school”

-he said 😐

-you signed and rested your head on his chest letting your arms dangle

-“why did you come? you look sick”

-“thanks. I have a test.”

-“how do you feel?”

-you told him your symptoms but also that you were leaving right after the test and you could pull through

-he really didn’t want you to overwork yourself but he knew you were set on taking the test

-so he let you go and he made you promise to text him between classes and let him know if you felt any worse

-and off you went

-honestly, you were fine up until halfway through your second class.. then you started feeling really cold and tired even kind of nauseous

-then in the third class your test was put onto your desk and before you knew it your teacher was saying “begin”

-okay. you can do this you thought to yourself. the test was easy enough with how much you studied, you thought about every answer and you tried to finish quick

-but then it was like time cut itself in half and the bell for lunch was ringing

-you weren’t even done the test yet

-“y/n you can stay in here until your done but i expect you to have it finished soon”

-one question left

-you don’t even remember what you ended up putting before you were up and giving the paper to your teacher

-kita was right there when you left the classroom

-“hey ..hey.. y/n”

-you could barely hear him you just flopped into his arms

-“okay I’m taking you home.. “

-“but..”

-“shh let’s go”

-you don’t remember getting there but then you were in your bed smothered in pillows and blankets

-kita came in

-“what time is it?”

-he looked at his phone “half past 4”

-“4?!” you jolted up “did you even go back to school?” “kita?!”

-he smiled at you “no but it’s okay y/n it was only one day. i wanted to take care of you

-you noticed he had a steaming cup of something in his hands

-“what’s that” you asked

-“its tea, but it’s special tea :)”

-“what do you mean” you laughed

-“my grandma showed me how to make it, it’s gonna make you feel a lot better”

-he’s so cute...

-“kita... you didn’t have to do all this”

-“i wanted to” he sits beside you and hands you the tea

-literally tasted like heaven

-“mmmmm oh my god”

-kita laughed and kissed you on the cheek before joining you in the bed

-you cuddled and watched movies on your laptop until you fell asleep, comfortable in your boyfriends arms

[memes-in-a-half-shell]

Business AU - Working Late, Part 9

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8

Let’s fuck things up a bit, shall we?

She woke up peacefully, the soft warmth of the early sun washing over her naked body tangled in the bedsheets. As she stretched her limbs, she found herself to be alone in bed, lazily reaching for her glasses on the nightstand nearby only so she could have a clearer view of her surroundings. Donnie was nowhere to be seen, Vee taking this moment to sit in bed, envelopping her form in the sheets and just think about last night's events. What would that make out of them? No real declarations of any sorts had been made, but the feelings were there and real, that she couldn't deny. Sure, it wasn't the first time she had slept with someone without any real attachment, but never had she felt that way with someone before... Donnie was a tender and very attentive man. She had that feeling that whatever he'd say or do, it must be true to him. She wanted to believe he would wish for them to be more... But for now she laid her expectations to rest and simply reveled in whatever was happening between them. She felt good. She felt appreciated. And, to be frank, the sex had been amazing.

She heard footsteps approaching the room, along a rolling sound. The mutant soon came in view, accompanied by a small trolley that held two plates with food, empty mugs and a pot of coffee. He was only wearing black boxer briefs and his glasses, his whole self a delectable sight. As he noticed that the woman was awake, he playfully struck a little pose while saying:

“Breakfast in bed for madame.”

That brought a soft giggle from Vee, though touched by this attention given to her. Instead of handing a plate, Donnie moved to sit by the woman's side in bed, unable to resist cupping one of her cheeks, his thumb tenderly brushing her skin. His eyes kept scanning her, his joy blooming at the mere sight of her smile.

“… Can't believe there's such a beautiful woman in my bed this morning,” he softly said.

“Can't believe such a sexy man is bringing me breakfast in bed,” replied Vee.

“I can bring more than that.”

Remnants of last night's emotions still brought some sparks in the air, Donnie's motion fluid and met halfway by Vee. It was sweet and slow, a kiss that felt like a dream. As it kept going, the terrapin started to shift his position and Vee's; soon the covers out of the way and Donnie's frame over the woman, forever careful not to be too much of a weight. They couldn't let go of one another, this morning's laziness bringing each motions to a tender point. As the terrapin was kissing at the woman's neck, she did add in a soft tone:

“What about breakfast? It's gonna get cold, just like the food last night...”

“I don't mind cooking another one later. … I'd cook one for you everyday even.”

That brought a hushed chuckle out of Vee, but deep down she was touched by that small confession. The simplicity and tenderness of this moment brought such ease in her.

“Donnie, I-...”

She stopped herself, knowing exactly what her heart wanted to say, but knowing now was not the time. Their gaze crossed, Donnie patient and Vee trying to find the right words to say next.

“... I’m so happy right now. Being with you feels so nice,” she ended.

“It does feel nice, indeed,” first replied the terrapin in a sweet tone. “... I could spend the rest of my life like this.”

Vee felt speechless, trying her best to read his emotions. He did sound sincere, but maybe it was this honeymoon type of feeling that was talking as well.... In any case, she prefered to kiss him in answer, knowing she did think the same as well. It was much preferable to live in this present moment, rather than worry in speculations.... At least, only for this morning.

***

That Monday morning was as grey and rainy as it could get, the usual omen for a bad day and week to come, but in Vee’s mind and heart, it was as sunny as it could ever be. Her work started with the usual routine; reviewing the projects for the day and then handing the paperwork. Her step around the office was light, humming some tunes to herself as she distributed the documents among her team.

“You look awfully happy for a Monday morning,” started one of her coworker’s voice, a guy.

That broke her stride, turning around to the source. She noticed a small handful of employees grouped together, probably discussing first amongst themselves until they saw their manager. Vee recognized the man who had spoken, already going through her papers as she walked towards the small group.

“I had a nice weekend, that’s all,” she answered, handing him the work.

“What, you buttered up the boss enough for you to get a raise?” said the other, reluctantly taking his due.

Vee instantly frowned: “... Excuse me?”

“We saw you leave with that Donatello, Friday evening,” added another coworker, a woman. “You’re not fooling anyone. It’s been quite some time that you both have been hanging together.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see how that’s any of your concerns,” said Vee. “We’re friends, I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

“Yah, sure, friends with benefits perhaps,” continued another person. “Soon you’ll benefit from a monetary gain while he benefits from your tits. Workplace logic.”

Vee was disgusted, knowing if she continued to argue, she’d make things worse: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you all, but you better mind your damn business.”

As she was walking away, she heard that last jab: “If I buy you a drink, will you give me a raise?” She did not stop, her step slightly getting faster instead. Her blood was boiling, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. At once, she wished she could simply disappear... Turning a corner, she abruptly bumped into someone, her remaining folders flying out of her hands and spilling to the floor. She felt strong hands hold her forearms, forbidding her to fall backward

“Woah there, easy. Are you alright?”

She met baby blue eyes surrounded by orange, quickly recognizing the presence as another one of her bosses: Michelangelo. She quickly nodded, trying to get a hold of her senses once more. Her eyes next scanned the floor, letting out a big sigh as she noticed the mess.

“Damn... I’m sorry,” she started. “I should’ve looked where I was going...”

“Nah, it’s fine,” smile the orange clad terrapin. “Next time I’ll be careful not to be on your war path!”

Both were already crouching down to pick up the fallen papers, Vee feeling so absent-minded by this meaningless task. All she wanted to do was to run away, to be quite frank. As Michelangelo handed her the last files, he did inquire again: “... You sure you’re alright?”

Vee faked a small smile, quick to dismiss his concern.

“Yes, I’m okay. No worries. Have a nice day, sir.”

As she got back on the move, her distress did not escape the mutant, although he did not try to push his questionning any further.

***

“What’s up, D, my man?”

Donnie paused his writing, glancing up towards his office’s entry. He saw Mikey standing there, the purple clad mutant huffing lightly as he then continued his task.

“I’m busy, Mikey.”

“You’re always busy, so any time to poke you is as good as any.”

The tall one rolled his eyes, although he did smile a little. He quickly gestured for his brother to come in.

“What’s up?” he asked as the other was taking a seat.

“Meh, I dunno man, just wanted to take some news from you,” shrugged Michelangelo. “You’ve been staying late a lot these days... How was your weekend?”

Donnie stopped writing once more, leaning back into his chair with a dreamy smile.

“It was hella nice.”

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“Spent some time with a beautiful lady.”

“There yooouu gooo!” lightly laughed the youngest. “T’was about time you’d get some fun. Who is she?”

“Slow down, I’ll present her to you soon enough. ... We’re just taking some time to ourselves first, you know...”

Mikey was disappointed by the lack of details, but he did respect his brother’s choice: “Fair enough.” A thought came back to him, suddenly adding: “Oh, speaking of meeting ladies, before I got in here I bumped into one. I dunno what’s going on in the office, but she did look kinda distressed. ... She’s got nice green hair though! We don’t see lots of people with different hairstyles around here.”

Donnie slightly jumped in his chair as he heard the mention of ‘distress’ and then ‘green hair’. It had to be Vee.

“Where is she?” he instantly asked.

Mikey was surprised by his brother’s reaction, vaguely gesturing a direction.

“I, uh, I have no idea. Somewhere around those parts we don’t really have a use for.”

She must’ve went to the drawing room... Donatello did not waste any second, already on his feet and heading out.

“Sorry gotta go,” he quickly excused himself. “Talk to you later.”

Mikey didn’t even have time to place a word, still seated as he watched the other dart straight to a precise direction. “Oooookay...”

***

It didn’t take long for Donnie to reach the room in question, already hearing some quiet sobs when he was close to the entrance. As soon as he stepped in, he found Vee at one corner, by a table, her glasses removed as she tried to forbid tears to ruin her makeup. The woman jumped as she saw the terrapin’s form appear in, trying her best to gain a better posture and make herself more presentable as she put back on her glasses.

“Shit! D-Donnie, I-”

The turtle was already on the move, soon next to her and certainly preoccupied.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing,” tried to brush away Vee. “I’m not- ... fuck, I don’t want you to see me cry.”

“Don’t worry. Tell me what happened,” he asked again, his touch gentle as his thumb dried some faint trails on the woman’s cheek.

“It’s nothing,” she repeated. “I just heard some stuff I didn’t want to, that’s all. I’ll stop my bullshit soon enough and get back to work.”

Donnie tsked, not wasting any second to get a hold of her hips, barely giving any effort as he slightly lifted her up to sit on the table. At least now he wouldn’t need to lean down too much, his hands resting at her sides, on the table, now their eyes at the same level.

“Talk to me.”

She couldn’t hold his gaze long enough, a sigh escaping her first. ... It would be preferable to touch the subject anyway, before any rumors would start flowing around.

“I had some employees on my team this morning saying some ... stuff about us.”

“What kind?”

“The kind that makes it look as if I’m hanging out with you only so I can get a promotion or something like that to advance my career,” she added, her tone slightly harsh. She paused, trying to calm herself down quickly: “... Look, before you say anything, I want you to know that it’s not true. I’m not some kind of business leech that’ll try to flirt her way up. I work hard and-and- I do an honest job, and-”

“Don’t worry, I believe you,” cut Donnie gently, trying to have her look at him again.

When their gazes met, she did feel some relief.

“I don’t give a damn what they say,” he continued. “They don’t have the full details anyway, so their judgement is invalid.”

“I hope they don’t get all the details, I’d prefer to keep most of them to myself,” added Vee with some amusement.

“Me too,” he smiled.

He tried, and succeeded, to lift her morale by giving a sweet kiss on her lips. Vee couldn’t help bringing him into an embrace afterward, her arms resting around his neck. She wanted to stay like this forever... His strong arms around her were so reassuring.

“Don’t mind them,” softly said Donnie as he was nuzzling her hair. “There’s always gonna be some assholes everywhere we go...  The best thing we can do is stand up to them and stay true to ourselves, okay?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to stand up to them today,” mumbled the woman against his scales.

“Alright, I’ll do it then.”

Vee instantly frowned, backing up a bit to give him a stern look.

“Don’t you dare! I don’t want anymore troubles.”

The terrapin chuckled: “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say names. ... I’m just gonna teach them all a little lesson. ... There’s no place for rivalry and petty discourses regarding matters they have no involvement with.”

“If things turn to hell, I blame you.”

“Deal!” he winked.

***

Time was passing by and Vee was somehow getting more and more anxious about what Donnie would do in regards to her team...  She most certainly hoped he wouldn’t rub in the issue and ask the others to mind their own business. But at the same time she knew he could demonstrate tactfulness and would probably approach the matter at hand appropriately.

She first heard the squeak of small wheels, her attention shifting and soon noticing the terrapin walk in with a portable whiteboard. She groaned internally, tempted to melt on her chair and disappear under her desk...

Donnie attracted people’s attention by clearing his throat first, then adding: “Hi there! If you guys won’t mind, let’s have a talk.”

He removed the cap from an erasable pen he was holding, writing in big letters “TEAMWORK”. Vaguely gesturing the word, he started:

“What defines teamwork?”

Silence at first. At some point a woman shyly rose her hand, Donnie inviting her to speak:

“Please, don't be shy, no need to raise your hand. What do you have in mind?”

“Teamwork could be defined by good communication?”

“That's a good start, what else?” smiled the terrapin as he wrote “COMMUNICATION” on the whiteboard.

“Sharing the workload equally?” started another person.

“Efficiency!”

“Having a common goal.”

“Trust!”

Donnie lighted up at that word, circling it a couple of times for emphasis.

“Yes, trust!” he said. “Seeking a common end, resolving conflicts and frictions, having an open conversation about issues you might be experiencing in the workplace. All that trust you can put in your coworkers mirrors the trust you have in regards to their skills and abilities. A mutual trust is defined by a confidence between team members that each puts the best interest of the team ahead of individual priorities.”

“I guess it depends on the person and their position,” added in a guy.

Vee recognized him as the man who had first sparked the comments this morning. She tried to avoid his gaze, Donnie noticing the sudden tension.

“I suspect you have something on your mind,” started the terrapin calmly to the man. “What’s your name?”

“Ben.”

“What do you mean by ‘it depends on the person and their position’, Ben?”

The guy was obviously feeling some discomfort by being the center of interest.

“Well... when you see someone like, let’s say a manager, taking advantage of their position and time to advance themselves in the work place, it’s hard to put trust on them.”

Donnie clapsed his pen shut.

“Are those allegations founded? Have you spoken to that person and tried to see if that was actually the case? Miscommunication and misunderstanding can lead to a lack of trust, indeed.”

“When you see them hanging with higher ups, that kinda confirms some questioning,” continued Ben. “When she stays late at night and fraternizes with a boss, that does raise some concerns about the practices of this workplace.”

“There we go,” smiled Donnie, accentuating his words with a sharp point of his pen. “Now we’ve come to the source of your concern; first you mentionned a manager and now a ‘she’. Knowing there’s only one project manager for the creative team, I can suspect you have some concerns in regards to Véronique.”

“You’re just gonna defend her, why should we listen to you?” said the other.

“Because I’m not here to defend anyone,” shrugged the mutant. “I’m here to make you understand that you’re a team, and all its members shouldn’t feel afraid to speak to one another, instead of raising suspicions.” He gestured Vee, the woman only wanting to disappear. “Ever since Véronique started working here she has been spending countless hours in office to learn the ropes of this place and give the best of herself only so you can give the best of you all in return. I value her judgement and experience, and she has agreed, on her free will, to participate on a project I was personally struggling with. In return I have been helping her with her work, because that is how trust is built: by sharing the work-” he started to point the words on the board. “-being efficient, communicating, and having a common goal. ... And that’s something I want in this office, for its people to be open and help eachother - not because they feel they need to, but because they want to.”

That gave everyone a pause, somehow giving a feeling of accomplishment to the turtle.

“May that spark a friendship or not - when it does not involve this work environment and it’s out of office, it’s nothing to worry about afterward. ... Let that be food for thought.”

He looked a bit toward Vee’s position, giving her a quick wink. The woman did feel some relief by his speech, knowing he might have struck some chords here and there. She wasn’t fully convinced that everyone would be on that same line of thought, especially that Ben, but there was no denying that it would ease some tension somehow.

***

Vee had waited until work got back to a somewhat normal pace before she wrote that to the terrapin.

Her smile was tender, her fingers easily typing away.

Thinking about it also, today was one hell of a long and stressful Monday...

Probably one of the only good things today...

There it was again, that damn charm of his! She could feel the rush in her veins, remembering those moments with him. Frankly, she wanted more as well...

***

The following morning was as normal as it could get on a weekday, Donnie taking the opportunity to clean around his office. He was going through a filing cabinet, starting from the top drawer. Some papers did slip from his hold, the terrapin next crouching to get them off the floor. But at the same moment the entry door was harshly opened, a voice sternly calling his name. Donnie’s reaction was to jump straight back up, but that resulted in him hitting the top of his head on the previously opened drawer, getting a yelp out of him. He quickly diverted his gaze to the newcomer, rubbing his scales.

“Leo!” scolded the purple clad mutant as he saw his older brother. “The fuck?! Don’t you know how to knock or something?”

“We have to go.”

“Go where?”

“No time to explain, we’ve found them. We need to move right now before we lose their track again.”

Donnie instantly got serious as well, his posture straightening up.

“... Do we still have our backup gear in this building?” he asked.

“Yes,” confirmed the blue banded turtle. “Mikey and Raph are already aware as well. Get your stuff and we leave in fifteen minutes top.”

A simple nod in answer was good for Leonardo to get on the move again, leaving Donnie. There was no time to lose, the tall mutant rapidly tidying up his space before grabbing any personal items and exiting his office. His mind was running, thinking about what was to come. On his way he did notice Vee at her desk, somehow pausing only to bask into that view. At first she was focused on whatever she was working, but she did feel a gaze on her, her eyes lifting to meet Donnie. She first offered him a sweet smile, to which he briefly returned, then she saw him get back on the move - an expression of concern coloring his traits. That did confuse the woman, her eyes following his path and noticing that he was about to leave the building. She tried to shrug the feeling away, only telling herself that she’d poke him later about that...

((Part 10))

[r6sedust]

Review of Beaks in the Shell

!!THIS REVIEW IS NOT SPOILER FREE, I REPEAT, IT'S NOT SPOILER FREE!!

Whoa, first episode of the final batch just dropped tonight. I've been anticipating this day the moment the title dropped and was so excited for it.

Overall, was it as hype as I thought? Yes...

sort of

Ok let's breakdown the episode:

Did this episode benefit Huey's arc?

To be honest, not really, but he was still good in this episode.

I like how he wasn't "super"easily persuaded into keeping Fenton and Gandra's secret. It had to take some good convincing to get Huey to trust them, and with the help of Fenton as well.

And don't be fouled by that, he was still easily persuaded. But, prior episodes such as "Astro BOYD" show that if science is involved it doesn't take much to persuade Huey, so I won't really complain about that.

Fenton apologizing to Huey for making him keep secrets was sweet too, he put a lot of pressure on him knowing that Huey not the type of person to be doing stuff like that. (Seriously Fenton, why would you put all of that on a kid? More on that later)

Next part: Gandra's Arc

To be honest, I thought it was rushed.

BUT, I did some more thinking and came to conclusion that it wasn't really rushed.

Throwback to Dangerous Chemistry, Gandra told Fenton about how she was judged by others for her dangerous methods. How no one wanted to listen to her. Why she turned to Beaks for funding.

BiTS gave the "why"

Why did no one want to listen to her? Because people didn't understand her

Why does she turn to villains for funding? Because they don't care about the destruction she's caused and saw it as a way to cause more destruction.

Gandra was already shown as a person who doesn't want to hurt people. People who don't deserve it at least. (key word being want)

And her fear of being judged was probably the best part for her in the episode in my opinion. Her whole arc is based around her being judged for what she does, and the fact that she wanted to keep the Gizmocloud to herself and Fenton cause of her fear was a good aspect. Props to that.

Moving on, almost everyone predicted the whole "Gandra is using FOWL for resources" motive, making my theory WAY off.

Well, not really.

Swanstantine did sory of kick off that Gandra wasn't really there for the intent of evil, but didn't say why she was there then.

Some people might say "we should've seen more of Gandra on the fence of doing evil", and to be honest, nah.

We've already got that. My analysis of Swanstantine in my "Gandra's redemption arc already started" (not linking cause that'll hide it from tags) basically goes in depth on that.

Now her turn around wasn't as strong as Lena's or Penny's, but it was still handled well.

But her punishment for her turn around, that'll later in the review

Now: Fenton and Gandra's relationship

Let me give some info real quick before diving in.

The entire time, I predicted that Fenton knew she was an agent the whole time and didn't care. And guess what...

I was right!!

It honestly feels so good to be right about something oh boy! Y'all don't understand how STRONGLY I was holding onto that theory.

Anyway back to the review:

Honestly, there was relationship was great. It makes sense that they got together after the end of Dangerous Chemistry.

Was there angst? No, and I kind of expected that since he knew the whole time. He was probably the first to know now that I think.

(Biased Fendra shipper warning!!)

Fenton supporting Gandra by just taking her hand and stuff was just, oh my god that was great.

The kissing looked alright actually. Weird, but alright. I was wondering how it would look since they have two different beaks.

I liked how Fenton was understanding with Gandra and her struggles and wasn't so quick to judge like everyone else. Granted, no one knew the truth about Gandra, but those parts were still good anyway.

It felt natural how supportive they were of each other.

When Fenton said he loved her, that threw me off a bit. I went "Woah, OK now! I wasn't expecting an I love you" but to be fair, we don't know how long they've been together so it might've been the right time.

The only parts I didn't like about their relationship in the episode was the kissing (meh)

Also side note, did Gandra ever apologize for working for Beaks? Was her giving Fenton the formula her way of apologizing? Who knows man.

(Rant real quick: I will not be OK with anyone saying Fendra is rushed. I'm sorry, but if Donsy can get away with becoming canon after an episode of meeting each other, then so can Fendra)

...Beaks

Getting this out of the way, weakest part of the episode.

Ok sure, having Beaks come to terms with him being an unoriginal dickhead was good, but him being an antagonist wasn't.

I didn't care for Beaks at all during the episode, I wasn't interested in what he'd do to them at all, I was thinking "Are those glitches going to be a huge problem for them?"

Which they weren't

And that is the only part of the episode that disappointed me.

The glitches being the "antagonist" of the episode is WAY more interesting than Beaks and I wholeheartedly mean it.

Well fine, here's what I think would've been a good antagonist part for the episode... including Beaks.

"The glitches get worse as the episode progresses, and Beaks gets there and starts messing with things, which make the glitches even more worse. His actions almost crash the cloud until Fenton calls everyone to help."

That would've been cool and actually kind of scary.

We unfortunately didn't get that however. But oh well, I won't let it ruin my day.

The ending

The ending actually bumped this episode from "pretty good" to "great".

The "turn around character", such as Lena and Penny, always get a punishment for wanting to, well, turn around.

Gandra's was actually scary.

She was restrained and dragged to "The Lost Library" that she doesn't know about and Bradford is being incredibly secretive and sinister about it.

Speaking of Bradford,

YES! I LOVE WHEN THEY SHOW HIM AS AN ACTUALLY SCARY VILLAIN!! THEY NEED TO DO THAT MORE!!

Overall, best part of the episode and my favorite part, can't want to see what the Lost Library is.

The Leftovers

1. Back to Fenton putting pressure on Huey, I appreciate him regretting it and not liking how he made him keep the secret. Also, did it occur to anyone else that Fenton did a worse job at keeping the secrets than Huey? Cause I did.

2. Officer Cabrera and Gyro were good this episode too, not much to say about them really, they were fine.

3. Kind of wished Gyro pointed out how Gandra was the girl who shocked her that night. That was brushed over.

4. The action was good this episode, despite it being shown off to defeat a guy crying about how he's not unique.

5. I find it funny how Beaks lost popularity as the series went on, that's hilarious. You deserve it you bastard.

6. Gandra's small backstory scared me cause in the world of shows "backstory = death", but I think what happened to her is a substitution for death.

Summary on Opinion

Overall, I liked this episode. The only problems were the antagonist portion, but it was quickly made up for with the ending.

Also, I'm not the review type so I notice that I say stuff like "that's fine" and "oh well". I'm not the most critical of people, I point out stuff in a show that sticks out a lot to me, whether it be good or bad. So critiscm is appreciated!

[acid-hydrangea]

“I”

There was a boy named Sig, who had many, many questions.

*Note: Sig uses he and they pronouns in this work interchangeably.

Sig awoke to the gentle, blue hues of his room flooding his vision. The quiet morning air tinged with the sounds of birdsong and the beaming of harsh sunlight. It was 5:32 AM. The Fever Bird month had just begun.

They hoisted themself out of bed and opened the window, breathing in the crisp morning air soaking in his surroundings, he’d neglected the rough, coarse sensation on--in--through? his shoulder... He moved to the other end of his room, and upon checking the mirror they discovered that the ‘totally not worrisome’ crimson growths had spread further, practically covering his whole left shoulder, almost touching his neck. The natural ringing in his ears felt louder than usual. He stared for a moment at his reflection, his thoughts clouding his mind like an intense thunderstorm. Eventually, he broke eye contact with his reflection and got dressed for the day. 

He donned his typical shirt with the rest of his usual clothes, he went on his way, considering wearing their turtleneck sweater more often, despite the spring-summer heat.

--

    Sig’s gaze was transfixed on the clouds moving across the clear sky, like a herd of lazy sheep. Their thoughts drifted in all sorts of directions, but he wasn’t able to attach any words to anything he felt... Not even one, this time. He looked down at his desk, Accord’s voice and the sound of chalk against the blackboard fading into white noise as they scratched one of his left claws upon the desk’s surface. 

...What… was happening to him? Why didn’t anyone ever bother to tell him? He’s not a little kid, he could handle whatever they told him. Did he do something that scared everyone? Ever since he transferred to this class, his arm and eye suddenly changed. People gave him weird stares, and tried to avoid him. When his caretaker Akuma found out, he tried every single spell and magic seal he could, to reverse the process. None of it worked. Every now and then, he tried again, rinse and repeat every so often. Fast-forward to the 'incident' nobody wants to talk about, involving bookworm. Fast-forward again to that blonde witch's potion... Ever since that, no... Even before that, he swore he was--

    His thoughts were disrupted by the sound of the school bell signalling the end to another day.

“... And that wraps up our lessons for the day! Be sure to review your notes, and do your homework, everyone. I will be here for the next hour if you need help.” 

He just sat there, trying to think through his memories, to make sense of it. Most students dispersed, the sound of students’ papers rustling and bags being picked up off the floor slowly replaced the white noise in his head. Klug and Raffina probably left separately, Amitie rushed to Accord’s side for help with the homework, and Lidelle was off to do her observations on the moonsunflower this week. 

Sig remained in his seat, having wordless conversations with his little bug friends, instead. Asking them about their days, as he always did, mostly oblivious to the events of his own. He’d have been last to leave if Amitie and Lidelle weren’t there. He did things at his own pace typically, leaving whenever his bug friend did.

...Today was different, though. Something felt different. A gnawing feeling that used to feel trivial had grown over time. The deformations from his left arm had been spreading constantly, no amount of Akuma’s rites, treatments, or spells slowed it down. It’d been a year since that incident happened, and a few months later, something else... Two incidents, and no answers. All he had were questions that were shunned away with words like “It’s nothing for you to worry about,” or “We’ll take care of it, so don’t ask too many questions.” All he could do was believe them, because they had his best interest in mind, right...?

Akuma never provided actual answers when asked, only empty words of... What felt like false reassurance,“Don’t worry your young head about it”, while chanting mysterious incantations with paper, “We’ll heal you someday”, casting archaic-sounding spells, handing him multiple charms,

“Don’t think about what scares you, only think happy thoughts, kuma.”

Scary? Was something wrong with him in the first place? Something that felt like a part of him, ingrained in him since birth, treated as a curse and a disease once his hand and eye turned that shade of crimson? It got him in trouble so many times, in ways he had no control, something he was forced to be at the center of. Fate was drawing chaos towards him, like a violent vortex. Was he never supposed to think about ‘himself’ ever again? What could he even do about the world revolving so sporadically around him? 

The ladybug flew away, right out the window, to greener pastures.

--

    Eventually, Amitie left the classroom. She waved goodbye to Sig, seemingly getting the sense that he wasn’t in the mood to walk home together that day. She flashed him a worried smile, and then disappeared out the door. 

He wasn't feeling up to talking to his teacher in the first place, but... The nagging feeling wouldn't go away until he did. Sig stood up from the desk and walked over to Ms. Accord’s desk.

"Good afternoon, Sig. Do you need any help with what we learned today?"

"Something... else."

“Oh? What is it, is something troubling you?”

He... Didn't know how to ask, what to ask...? He was prepared to just be told nothing, anyways, but... They really wanted to know. They were feeling... Confusion, anger? Fear, sadness... Any mental script they had in mind was gone. He didn’t realize just how intense his fear of the unknown was.

"I.... Is there something wrong with me? Am I... going to become something bad... Do you know what's... Happening to me ...?"

They didn't realize how scared their expression was, like a deer in headlights.

"Sig...? Dear, are you alright? Did something happen?"

He was trying not to cry when he ended up thinking about everything he was told not to, gripping his arms tightly. Sometimes, it felt harder to breathe, or think... Was it just him, or something else? His vision grew blurry from held-back tears...

--

Sitting in a chair Ms. Accord pulled up, he didn't have it in him to look her in the eye. Everything was silent for some time...

"I'm... scared. You, Akuma, everyone... You all know things about me..."

He tried to make eye contact with her, if barely, only able to meet eyes with her puppet.

"Why don't you want me to know? Do I need to be fixed...? Is something bad going to happen with me...? To people around me? I've always... been like this... So I don't know. Everyone acts like it's forbidden stuff..." 

Digging his fingers into his arm, he was shaking...

"I don't want to live like this. Knowing nothing about myself... It's so scary. No one likes scary people. No one wants to be around someone who hurts people. It makes me feel like I'm going to ruin everything, someday..."

"... I told you, you all shouldn't keep secrets from him, nya. Lookit what it did to the poor kid...", Popoi whispered to her. What could she say? The cat was right...

"Sig... I'm sorry, I truly am. It was never my intention to cause you such anxiety... Please, try to look at me..."

"I... can't..." 

"Please know, then... You're not in any danger, and your friends aren't, either. No one's going to get hurt just because you're here... You said you've always been like this, right?"

Sig nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"You've always been a prized pupil and friend to many, Sig... That won't change just because of your arm or eye... Those make you who you are, and you're a wonderful person."

"... Thanks... teacher..."

Taking some deep breaths, he sighed... He still had more questions. Many more.

"... I want to know... Something else..."

"You have my word that I'll answer to the best of my abilities, from now on."

Having wiped his tears away, putting faith in her words, 

"... What made me like this? Does it have something to do with what happened a year ago...? I know... you know something... You were helping... him... Lemres."

Silence permeated through the room.

"Akuma informed me, when you enrolled, that your sudden changes were nothing to worry about. As far as my knowledge goes, there's nothing abnormal about your condition that would warrant any worry. As for the incident..."

"... Teacher?" 

"I promise I'm being honest, my knowledge of what happened... Is very little. I only know what it is that Lemres told me about those 3... objects."

"Which... is...?"

" Those... The items, they are connected to a certain item of ill omens... I do not know anything more. He kept such details to himself..."

... Did she think he forgot about the bookworm's book? He wasn't clueless, he knew there was something weird about it. Bookworm always makes the effort to tuck it away specifically when he approaches. He almost seemed to prioritize making sure he never even so much as touched it. He got annoyed when others did, and downright terrified when he did. He wasn't fooling anyone, Sig simply didn't pay the thought any mind until now.

Having almost-fully regained his composure, he stood up, 

"Teacher... If that really is all you know... I'm going to find out more, by myself.", making himself clear, he was finally able to project his voice a bit louder.

"... I'm  sorry, that truly is the extent of my knowledge, but... Sometime soon, I could invite him over, and he could tell you what he knows...?"

... It was reassuring to see she actually parted with details. All it took was... Crying. Stressful. He just wanted to get out. He especially wanted nothing to do with that candy weirdo.

"I...don’t want that. See you next week, teach."

With that, he left. 

Tomorrow, it would be time to visit the bookworm Klug, instead.

Ms. Accord, too, had her own plans for the weekend.

--

End Notes: surprise surprise i’m gonna be uploading fics up here from now on. this fic’s been in the works for awhile and it still is- but i’m really excited to show everyone it! if it’s possible, i’d like to affix art to every single chapter going forward. thank you for reading, and feel free to let me know what you think via. replies or asks. reblogs and likes are especially helpful for getting the word out! catch me on my main blog at @marxsoul, or my twitter at @marxsoui, and see you when the next chapter’s out~

[life-rewritten]

DISMAYS VS RELIEFS AKA REVIEW/RANTS OF BL IN SEPTEMBER NOVEMBER

It's been an interesting experience this past few months. BL came back in full force, took mostly all days in the week and you know what? It surprised the hell out of me. Mostly because I was moving back and forth from the decision of whether to stop watching or to wait and trust something extraordinary would happen like last year. And then October/November happened before I knew it I was falling again for some storylines, I was excited again to analyse and talk about these shows, and also I was incredibly grateful for some of the messages I received from these shows, they educated me, humbled me and even pushed me to my own version of self-acceptance, learning and love. So there are some disappointments with some of the shows mentioned here, but overall I'm grateful we got to see these shows and wait for them every week to air. This is the first part of this list because in another two weeks I have more shows ending. December is shaking!

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

DISMAYS

1. MY GEAR AND MY GOWN

Genre/Themes: Romance, Melodrama, Angst, Drama, Friendship, Unrequited Love, Family

Country: Thailand

Verdict:

 Um, this show. I've been through a lot with this show, I've been angry, frustrated, tired, annoyed but weirdly I love this show, by the end of the finale, this show left me with warmth and this energy of bliss and joy. I realised that the reason why I was so harsh to this show was because of the potential I saw when I first saw the first episode. I fell in love because I could tell it was symbolic, it was deep, and it also had interesting devices used to tell the plot. Who knew that the pacing and directing of this show would nearly leave me mad and furious because it could have been better. This is all on the director, and sometimes the actors, they weren't expressive enough, they weren't emotional enough, and they didn't entirely sell me on what they were meant to be feeling. Sometimes it felt awkward and stiff and unbelievable, and at those times, I felt disappointed and bored. But the characters of this show and especially some actors (FIAT and JJ) really stole my heart without me wanting them to. I fell in love with the couples, I loved analysing them and feeling their angst and understanding their character dynamics. I lived for their friendship and enjoyed watching how it all came together. Even some of the romantic scenes made me swoon and excited, and I was just so happy to watch these couples choose each other.

I also think the relationship dynamics, whilst sometimes annoying, was actually sweet and wholesome. Itt and Pai's love is so cute and memorable, and I understood why they wanted each other, they both helped each other so much, and I thought it was beautiful. Pure and Folk; everything, no words, they were incredible despite rushed and late, I enjoyed watching their love on my screen, and it left me so disappointed that we could have had more if the pacing was done right. Either way, despite the rants and criticisms this show was a gem to me, one of my favourites just because of the couple dynamics. I will miss it, and I will miss analysing it. But please NEW sort your self out, and stop with the slow pace directing; you're killing your shows, (just my opinion) but you're making me dread the shows I've been so excited for in 2021, and I really pray you won't ruin them. Nough said. 

Ratings:3.8/5 I can't rate it higher, but I do think it deserves credit, this show is very underrated as much as it annoyed me it's actually a decent show, it's very educational sometimes. It also has character development and growth. The romances are sweet and definitely should be paid attention to.

2. A CHANCE TO LOVE/ LOVE BY CHANCE SEASON 2

Genre/Themes: Comedy, Romance,  Drama, Friendship, Rich, poor dynamic, 

Country: Thailand

Verdict:

MGAYG was not the only show that New produced/ directed. There was this atrocity. No offence to everyone who loved this show, I love TinCan, I like most of the couples of the show, I didn't even complain when the show was rebooted, I didn't complain when there was not enough plot for the side couples for the first 8 episodes. But what annoys the hell out of me with this show is the lazy writing. I am so disappointed with this show, I realised that by the finale I was just tired and I was only watching it for some actors not even characters ( I was watching it to see a glimpse of Meen and Est), and it really made me sad. Because I started off with this show a bundle of joy, to see Tin and Can fall in love with each other again, I ignored when the haters said it was boring, awkward or stiff. I even accepted the massive amounts of product placement that was placed lazily and annoyingly. I was ready to forgive everything with this show. But I ended up feeling slighted, not me the actors should feel slighted, Cooheart, Mark Siwat, Gun, Title, Meen, Est should feel slighted by this show because this show wasted their potentials and only showed them for minutes in the whole 12 hours that this show aired for. I am so angry at the writer because she was lazy. She had clocked out when it came to this script (Though I don't blame her when everyone kept on sending her threats to how she told the previous story, she silenced her own creative ideas and muted everything, hence why Kengla and Techno's story was destroyed and became lazy and not needed and confusing, and Tum and Tar and Keen made no sense). Mame had given up on this show long before it aired. 

But as much as I am disappointed at her for doing so, I also have to take this back to New, he's the person again who ruined this show with his pacing and directing. I love New, but this year it wasn't it, he is the main flaw in both his shows, he doesn't know when to pace things properly, he rushes plots at the end, and he doesn't give enough time to side couples for them to make sense. He did well in season 1 I think, but this season was atrocious. I am heavily disappointed, and I want to forget this show exists. I do have to give credit to Mean because I think he carried the show, I think Plan was cute but he was uncomfortable, and he ruined a lot of moments for me despite how much I love his chemistry with Mean. So yeh LBC was a disappointment, but it still holds a special place in my heart because I did care about the cast (maybe not as much anymore because of their homophobia) but LBC was one of my first loved BLs to see such a disappointing follow up is just heartbreaking. 

Ratings:2.9/5 I couldn't bring my self to rate it even a three because I genuinely don't want to rewatch or think about this show again that's a pity because I genuinely love TinCan and MeenEst. But hey ho, c'est la vie. 

RELIEFS

Gaya Sa Pelikula

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, LGBTQ+ Education, Contract relationship, Haters to lovers

Country: Philippines 

Verdict:  We finally reached the end. And the way I didn't want this show to end, is just too much. I completed this show on the floor sobbing, clenching my heart and just reflecting and thinking about everything. One I was in shock, wasn't expecting something like this when I first watched this show. I had a lot of doubts despite the sneaky light in my heart from the comedy and energy and charisma from the show. I fell. Hard. For everything. Before I knew it, Fridays meant everything to me, if I could get to keep watching this show, it made laugh, smile, cry, weep, and it made me think and learn. It's weird how a show can mean so much to people, this show wasn't for me, it was a love letter to the LGBTQ+ community, a beautiful one, and with everybody's reaction, I think I can say for all of us, that this show was a masterpiece. It had everything, a plot that was so deep, interesting and unique, characters that felt real, understandable and relatable, lessons that made everyone think and question how they acted, how they viewed things, what we say, how we consider our selves, what is our story that we want to tell to the world?

 It's just incredible, not only that this show had terrific production, directing, acting and music that will stick with me for a long time. The music was perfectly used, perfectly mixed in, and it touched everyone's heart. This show left me feeling healed, it was weird, I don't know how to relate to the struggles of Internalised homophobia, but I get anxiety, I get feeling like you're not the main character in your story, I get feeling like your life was already planned out and your dreams don't matter, I get hiding and running away from the world and finding a place to stay in your head and find peace and I get feeling overlooked and misunderstood. Overall I get the fight for self healing, acceptance and love. And Vlad and Karl went through that, and it was so beautiful to see them grow and become what they wanted to be, even if they couldn't be together because of that. Everything including the side characters in this show meant something, each had their own story, flaws and importance for why they were there, and I loved it. Words can't explain how good this show is, and the fact that no one came into it,  knowing anything is just such inspirational and hopeful thing, out there, there are content and stories to consume that can teach and affect you and make you want to do something with your own. And Gaya Sa pelikula was one of those for me. I don't wanna say Goodbye, and hopefully, we get to see them again soon. 

Ratings: 5/5 I would give this more than 5 if I could. That's how much this show means to me. 

4. I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU/ TRANSLATE MY LOVE WITH YOUR HEART

Genre/Themes: Romance, Melodrama, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Wow. All I can say is wow. I find my self not able to talk about this show, because like what else can I say that everyone hasn't said. It's outstanding. No words. I think this show was just out of nowhere, I mean probably not; because it was a Nadao production but still, for a BL? Out of nowhere. The effort, the acting, the music, the production, the themes and the way it was all so perfectly told? It was a journey, I ended up at times also on the floor sobbing, shouting and just like feeling so single. Haha. But really this show is ridiculously good, it's like something that can't be fully explained, it's still a shock to me (and I really need to start believing in potentials of BLs more), it is, I'm just thankful I guess, for the 5 hours spent with this show, the number of essays derived from this show, the way Teh and Oh snuck in my heart and refused to leave. I think we all want a love like Teh and Oh, someone who completely takes your breath away, is selfless for you and is your number one supporter and fan. Someone who the room spins around for and your world only focuses on, someone who makes you brave.

And I think Teh and Oh found that with each other, and it was beautiful to witness, it was heartbreaking as well to see them struggle with it, it was also peaceful to reach the end and see them safe and secure with each other. ITSAY was everything, it also means a lot to me because the writing and directing are effortless, it's inspiring and beautiful to see how it came about, its so fulfilling to see how much effort went into this production. And I can't wait to see how Part 2 unfolds next year. I will say that with all the angst and longing, the ending did feel unsatisfactory because I just felt that all the tension and emotion invested just became really tame at the end, all the angst just fell apart so rapidly, and it felt weird that it ended in a hug? But with all the theories about sad endings and the other directions the writer could have gone with I'm happy it was a happy ending, and I'm delighted our boys reunited and became each other's most immense success/happiness. 

Ratings: 4.5/5  Yeh I want to give it a 5/5 but the ending like I said felt a little bit empty for me, I didn't feel satisfied or like complete but that's because there's a part 2 coming. Still is the best Thai BL ever created. And it deserves all the praise.

November was a ride, I think I've cried so much during these past weeks, but honestly, I'm so glad BLs are just improving and putting more effort in, BLs are no longer just for fujoshis to consume. Still, now they represent and educate about LGBTQ+ experiences, they feel relatable and understandable. They're not as toxic as before. We're getting healthier relationships, we're getting depth and unique plots, we're getting happy endings as well. It's very lovely to see the growth, and I can't wait to see what December brings or next year. I'm just so proud of these actors, I'm proud of actors who actually respect this genre and understands why people like it, for me I really enjoy learning about things I never thought or experienced, it humbles me, and it inspires me so much. I'm grateful for these shows. Hopefully, there's many more like ITSAY and GSP to come. Please. 

[arcgeminga]

What is the mun's opinion of all the gold saints from TLC?

♚— Oh boi. This is gonna be a mouthful. I know you said "all" , but I can't do saints like Avenir and Sage since I haven't read Shion and the Old Twins' gaiden in English. And I'm not about to act like I know Spanish enough to write a review on those saints.

♚ Aries Shion - Should've been the Hades Arc Shion. Like damn, I really like Shion when he's an angry sheep!! I mean, he yeets the five bronzies in Hades Arc like "Fuck dem kids!". 

I really like Specter/Pope Shion. But TLC Shion I do not hate. In fact, I can understand how and why he becomes Pope. I really like TLC Aries Shion! I just wished he was more angry sheep, but TLC Shion is not bad. I especially loved his Gaiden, at least the part where Avenir was shown. I feel like they should have explained more on his thoughts on becoming pope or exploring him having some sort of survivor's guilt but hey. I don't dislike him!     

♚ Taurus Aldebaran/Hasgard/Rasgado - Honestly, the only thing I can say about Hasgard is that... I don't hate him. I love his English Voice actor (because I'm a really big fan of Jamieson Price since Tales of Vesperia), but for Hasgard himself... I don't really have an opinion or thought on. His teenage years with Sisyphus and Aspros seemed fun, and I'm kinda... hm... sad that their relationship mellowed out? Or at least, we didn't get his and Sisyphus' opinions or reactions to Aspros' death.     

♚ Gemini Defteros & Aspros - OH BOY WHERE DO I START!? ----- Gemini Aspros - I understand why Aspros was the way he was towards everyone and his brother. It's honestly not his fault. I am happy that he doesn't have a "split personality" at all throughout TLC, even though that is something I would never diss Saga for (even if it wasn't really a split personality). He was simply manipulated into behaving cruelly because someone showed him something that he was scared of, and that was akin to his brother not needing him. His Gaiden harks back to that too, during that 'flashback' when he told Defteros that he was going to become pope, Defteros donned the gold cloth and said 'yeah so we can be equals and I won't need you' (paraphrasing). If Aspros is just going to be used and tossed away, might as well harden his own heart before then. And it doesn't help that he saw himself as a Specter and his brother as a Gold Saint when he went to the oracles.

 I feel for Aspros because, in the end, he had no idea that he had been manipulated hard enough that his goodest boy personality changed. And honestly, I can relate to that. I've had my personality take a deep dive some years ago after I had a panic attack. So I don't fault him for his actions. He was just trying to make the best with what he knew, understood, and could do, even if that meant doing terrible things. After all, it is his mindset that the weakest people are the ones that don't do anything.     ----- Gemini Defteros - I also can't fault him for anything. He was dependent on his brother, and there was no way he could understand what was going on in Aspros' tortured mind since Aspros never spoke about his feelings. But I believe that, contrary to what Aspros thinks, Defteros would have been very dependent on him even after Aspros became pope. After all, he didn't have friends, lacked social skills, and couldn't find it in himself to trust anyone aside from his older brother because of how Sanctuary treated him as they were growing up, so he would have been stuck in like a childish headspace of needing a protector and provider, which was Aspros. You can tell that much because he was asking Asmita what should he do when he was possessed by the DEF. 

When Aspros died (or rather, when Defteros killed him [which seriously broke his heart]), it forced Defteros to grow up and look after himself. This isn't a terrible thing--but it was a terrible and such a trauma-inducing way to go about it. But how he died--or rather, the fact that he wanted to sacrifice himself to save his brother... honestly it still makes me cry a lot. You can see in his eyes that he loved his brother even after the very end, and wanted him back. And just IMAGINE how many times Defteros' eyes have shown nothing but the purest love for Aspros, and how Aspros had been manipulated to see those eyes as nothing more than hate. ----- Gemini twins in general - If it wasn't obvious already, I love these two so much. I hate--I ABSOLUTELY HATE--that their brotherhood was RUINED, because these two are so... important to me. I see myself and my sister in the Gemini Twins so much. To the point where it's so personal to me. Even after being manipulated and losing his brother, Aspros still held his little brother very close to his heart and lamented and regretted the fact that he will never get the chance to be the brother he should be. And Defteros... I can't explain why his loyalty and patience for Aspros affect me so much, but it does. It does in a way where it hits me more than just an emotional way. I guess that's because I see my sister in Defteros much more than I should.

I love the twins in such a profound way where I cannot find the right words for it. They obviously still love each other so much, even after all is said and done, and I think that is so important. Having that kind of unconditional love for your sibling is the most important thing in my opinion.

God, look at me, I'm crying over the Gemini twins again for like the 100th time oiwhfowef

     ♚ Cancer Manigoldo - So, Manigoldo... Honestly, I love him, too. But in a different way. When I see Manigoldo, I remember the private threads that a friend and I used to do on Skype, and I am frankly very enamored with him. But also because of that, I do not see him the same way as everyone else too. Besides, he makes up the second half of my OTP, so ofc I'm going to see him differently. Especially since I single ship!

    ♚ Leo Regulus - He's another one that I like a lot! Not only because he's adorable, but I also see him in a different way because I'm a single shipper, and I will never say aloud who I ship Regulus with. I won't say that he's a part of a different OTP (since I only have one OTP in all of Saint Seiya) but I do like Regulus a lot because of a friend's interpretation of him in Private threads a very long time ago. 

Yeah, he might be kinda OP/Gary Sue, but he's not too hateful in my opinion. I wouldn't say he's the best TLC Saint, since my heart is stolen by the twins, but he's a very amiable character when interacting with the characters of the TLC verse, and I wish I can squish his cheeks one day!! He's so adorable! I will say though that he is impressive to replicate a Big Bang(?) by himself... I don't remember if it's the thing that really killed him, but... huh. To be that unafraid of death, I wouldn't be surprised if he has some sort of mental/personality disorder that made him... like that? Something undiagnosed? Hm... thoughts, thoughts.

     ♚ Virgo Asmita - Asmita is one of the gold saints that, I honestly, don't know about. It's different from how I feel about Hasgard. For Hasgard, I don't have an opinion for, but for Asmita, I just don't know. I love how Teshirogi drew his hands. Like damn, bruh, can we switch hands? We're both Virgo, and I think we can make it work out... /kicked

     ♚ Libra Dohko - LOL DOHKOOOO!! My sister's favorite. I feel like he's super impulsive in TLC. I haven't read his gaiden at all, so I can't say much about that, but I do like him! Like with Shion though, I feel like he should have had some sort of heavy Survivor's guilt in the end. I'm also insanely curious about what ability Defteros zonked on him to erase the memory of Athena's blood and cloth. I don't know if it's shown in Dohko's gaiden, but I would love to see how TLC Dohko came across and raised Shiryu.

     ♚ Scorpio Kardia - As a character, I adore him. He's charming, spontaneous, and, like Aspros, wants to live his life to the fullest. And his fullest means just having fun before his short life is ended. Krest might have made him practically immortal, but he's still suffering. However, Kardia also holds a lot of bad memories for me from days before, and his entire character serves as a painful, but a graceful reminder of who I was back then.

      ♚ Sagittarius Sisyphus - Honestly, I don't ever think he was qualified to be a candidate for the papal throne. He's so melodramatic. Yeah, he might treat everyone with kindness and all, but I feel like he doesn't have the knowledge part down. Let alone, he's a brawn brain! Bruh!! Shooting an arrow at "hades" is always a bad idea!! What made you-?! 

Lmfao, if possible, I feel like he and Aspros should have dual-pope'd Sanctuary. One has the brains, but lacks compassion while the other has the compassion but is "shoot first, ask questions and think about that later".

      ♚ Capricorn El Cid - I... should love El Cid, but my mind goes blank a lot around him. He's impressive, I give you that, but I don't think I have an opinion on him. And I've read his gaiden in Spanish a LONG time ago, so I'm not going to pretend that I know him enough to talk about him.

      ♚ Aquarius Degel - hm... I think he's cute. Especially in his gaiden, he's really cute.

     ♚ Pieces Agatha -

[ladyvesuvia]

Hi! Congratulations on 700! You deserve it:) May I have a 🍸 with James Potter? My name is Alana and I am straight girl, she/her, I am an entj-t & Aquarius. I am considered tall and mature for my age. I have thick & wavy, shoulder length dirty blond hair. I have hazel eyes and pale skin. I have a bunch of little birthmarks on my arms and on my face. I like wearing baggy clothes or anything that’s really comfortable. I enjoy reading and watching Gilmore girls, and I LOVE Greek mythology. I absolutely love learning about it! I like to keep to myself mostly but I do have a couple of close friends. I’m really sensitive:/ I cry a lot and sometimes I don’t even know why tbh. I get really stressed over schoolwork and put to much pressure on myself to do well. I’m sort of a people pleaser and can’t really say no, but with my family I have ‘the worst attitude’, so🤷‍♀️. I’m really big on activism and my mom and sister say I’m the biggest feminist they know.(biggest compliment) I daydream a bit to much ngl. Anyways I love watching horror movies with my sister, it’s so much fun. Hope this was enough info💗💗

i love u already omg sorry this took long

hope u like this sweetie <3

HOW THE TWO OF YOU MET

OK SO james is like a year older so on your first year, he was obvi a second year and james was just looking around until he found you sitting at the ravenclaw table looking tired af hAHHAAHA and he just laughed and thought to himself ‘same.’ that was like just the first and only time before you finally even talked.

the very very first interaction you had was…not good. jk why bother sugarcoat it IT WAS BAD.

you were in your fifth year and the O.W.L.s were getting near and he was at the library with remus because of an essay they had to write for potions and james is like “why bother? slughorn thinks i’m a god” /hj

and sirius came in with peter and they were all seated at the table behind you and they began laughing and ofc you were getting hella pissed because you were reading your book in peace until they came in so you just stood up and straight up shushed the heck out of them 😭

PLS JAMES WAS LIKE stifling a laugh like “you spit on me.” HAHXHDJAJA and at some point when he urged the rest of them to go back to the common room instead, he just muttered “typical ravenclaw” which just threw you off like UM,,, EXCUSE ME??? I’ve been trying to study for the past hour in peace and you lot come marching in and just ruin my progressxbsjskwoswmwmw

but after you stormed out, in your mind you were freaking out because you just scolded A GROUP of gryffindors and you were all “nope i am not apologizing” but you do anyway and james just thought it was cute af <33

imagine your surprise when he started coming to the library and sitting just across from you to give you his own reviewers from last year for the o.w.l.s like it was a secret mission HSBXHSHAJA BESTIE he’d just sit down and say, “greetings” like a mysterious man before sliding over a notebook and he always had something to give everyday

LIKE YOU DIDN’T TALK WITH EACH OTHER it was just like a secret and low-key rendezvous u know

then on the day of the o.w.l.s., he gave you a piece of parchment and you finally talked and told him “i don’t need them anymore.”

“no, i insist.” *slides the parchment back to you*

“no, i insister.” *slides the parchment back to him*

“merlin, just take it and read it after the o.w.l.s..”

“fine,” you told him, stuffing the piece of parchment into your bag before leaving the library but ofc not before turning to him and saying, “typical gryffindor.” AGH STAWP NOW I WANNA WRITE THIS FIC LMAO

and after the exams, you just plop into your bed and pull out the piece of parchment to find that he had written some good good good stuff on it: “i like your hair. also when summer comes i’m gonna get one of those cool clothes you wear. also i like you and it would be nice if you went out with me or something like that.”

safe to say that you didn’t know how to react i mean how tf do you respond to that? *convulses*

——

HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

— when you finally started dating, you’d just come over each other’s common rooms and whenever you were over at his, some of the bitter gryffindors would be all “iS thAt AlloWed???” and james would just be like “my friend’s a prefect” like it’s a threat hAHAHAHA

— remember when he said “you spit on me”? oh yeah he keeps coming back to that to make the same but revised joke: “spit on me, i’m willing.” PLS HE’S SO RANDOM AND YOU’D JUST CRINGE HAHAHAHA LIKE “ew no why would i do that?” “you did it once, just do it again.”

— and oh the cuddles the damn cuddles he’s so mf good at it and you just felt at home with him idk agh

— he likes tracing your birthmarks while chilling together whenever and wherever because he thinks they’re pretty and you look like the sky and he just loves you so much and he still couldn’t believe that he was dating the girl who scolded him at the library was the one person he’d give the world to

[animatedminds]

Pixar’s Soul: Review and Reaction

The first sentence I’ve always used to describe Pete Docter and Pixar’s Soul since watching it has nothing to do with the plot. It’s instead is a starstruck comment about the music: the movie begins with a cover of a Duke Ellington classic - Mercer Ellington’s “Things Ain’t What they Used to Be.” It ends with a jazz rendition of a classic from several decades later - but still quite a bit in our past - Curtis Mayfield’s soul classic “It’s Alright.” On a personal level, this would say way more about Soul that most other descriptions of it might to get me to watch it - were I not the kind of person who was absolutely intent on watching the movie day one regardless. Though I am myself a few generations after either of those artists were around, their music has been a part of my life since I was a kid and are essential on any playlist in my opinion. Curtis Mayfield’s music, especially, deserves all the love in the world, and hearing by surprise someone cover his work in a Disney movie made my entire day - and it would have, even if the film weren’t the meaningful ride it is.

But before we get into all that, lets also look at those songs. “Things Aren’t What They Used To Be” is played a la a teacher and a higher school band class: the students are learning and a bit difficult to listen to, while the music-loving teacher cringes at the front. But the choice of song tells us a lot. It’s a jazz standard: which means when it comes to jazz, it’s one of the essentials - a tune every band learns to play, and every jazz fan has heard before. The teacher is a jazzman - you can probably guess who - and the whole time he’s listening to the song you can hear him wanting to sit down and make it sound as perfectly as he hears it in his head. Remember that analogy. Heck, when you watch or rewatch the movie, remember the mindset Joe - because that’s who that teacher is, Joe Gardner, is in for that whole teaching scene in the first place: and remember how important the desire to make things perfect is to the greater story the movie is trying to tell.

“Things Aren’t The Way They Used To Be,” indeed. By the end, you have to wonder: isn’t that the point? Now the second song. “It’s All Right” is a smooth number for dancing to - not frenetic and wild dancing, but more a slow jam sort of vibe. BUt it’s the lyrics that are the most befitting the themes of the movie. Like several of Curtis Mayfield’s tunes “It’s All Right” is an ear worm of an R&B number that’s actually about being a peace with yourself. “You’ve got soul” - ha, I get it - “and everybody knows, that it’s all right.” Or, to quote instead my favorite verse of the song (I did say Mayfield was one of my favorites): “when you wake up early in the morning feeling sad like so many of us do, hum a little soul, make life your goal, and surely something’s gonna come to you.” This is before the spoilery part of the review, but they could not have picked a better song for the movie’s themes if they wrote it themselves.

Soul, after all, is ultimately a movie about how the things we do, the things we love, even the things that define us and should make us feel good in and of themselves, can become a shackle that prevents us from feeling the things that we adopt them to feel. Dreams - especially dreams deferred - can consume us rather than uplift us, and sometimes in pursuing them we may forget to live, and forget that others are living in this world and dreaming alongside us.

This, as you might be able to tell from the way I’ve described it, is a movie with a very strong, and most importantly very well related message that - as we’ve come to expect from Pixar’s output at this point - touches us in our jaded adult hearts. As a creative person with lofty dreams who has almost literally been where the protagonist is in this film - and as many in my generation also have gone through - it definitely feels like a film that was directed straight at the generation that first watched Toy Story as kids decades ago, and now feel somewhat unfulfilled as adults going into the world. Same as Inside Out (a movie specifically designed to make adults cry, in my opinion), the SparkShorts and arguably Onward (I definitely related to Bailey, some). So much like my review of Jingle Jangle, you have something of an idea where this review is going to go before the jump, but that’s okay. This movie did have ups and downs, but its just the kind of up Pixar is good at: they know they’re audience, and especially did for this gem. By the end, it can definitely make you feel as though you too can make it through, as long as you have a little Soul. However, it is not just the message, but the nuances and skill in which they relate that message (and they do come close to making decisions that could have ruined it, at times), which means it’s very difficult for me to put why this movie works into a review without SPOILERS. If you want to avoid SPOILERS, don’t hop over the pic and instead treat the above as your non-SPOILER review.

Soul is the story of one Joe Gardner, played by Jamie Foxx a brilliant early middle-aged pianist with lifelong dreams of becoming a jazz musician, who we first meet teaching part time band at a local high school. The inciting incident is an interesting choice: Joe gets a major offer - he can come on as a full time teacher, making his occupation a career! But Joe believes very much in the adage that “those who cannot do, teach” - in the sense that he wants to do. He cannot accept the position - over the advice of his mother - because that would mean giving up on his dream of being out there playing music for a living: a dream that has consumed him his entire life but which has given him nothing in return. Until now. While agonizing over the decision to take the position, Joe's life then gets a big twist: a former student of his, remembering him fondly years after they knew each other, has a hook for him to join the band of a famous jazz singer and saxophonist - played by Angela Basset (side note, here: jazz has long had a reputation for being something of a boys club, especially for certain instruments, and the choice to have the lead saxophonist and famous idol whose band Joe wants to join be a woman is a great choice that my entire jazz-loving and living family took note of). Joe is instantly elated - he rushes over and naturally aces the audition for the part in the band, and so is on cloud nine...

Until he dies. That’s when the plot really starts. Joe falls down a manhole like an astronomer in an aesop fable, and is now stuck on the slow escalator to The Great Beyond. Naturally, he’s not for that and tries to escape - pursued by overeager spiritual soul-accountant Terry - ending up in the Great Before instead, and leaving his body in a still-living coma (the implications that coma patients in general are people who are choosing not to die when they’re “supposed” to is something I’m sure the writers didn’t intend, so I’ll let it slide). There, Joe is pressganged into mentoring a pre-prepared soul for birth, helping them find their Spark for life - which Joe interprets as the one true purpose and dream they are meant to fulfill. Once he gets them their Spark, he will be able to steal a badge his mentee earns as fully fledged souls and . Luckily for his intended very morally suspect intent on spiritual larceny, he ends up with Soul #22 - and that’s #22 out of hundreds of billions - a soul who has simply never found a Spark despite having been in the Great Before for thousands of years. #22 doesn’t want to live, so she agrees to give him her patch when they’re done. But no mentor before has been able to inspire her (well, technically #22 is genderless, as she demonstrates in the story at Joe’s request, but she is voiced by Tina Fey), so how can Joe? When that proves to be too hard indeed, #22 instead decides to help Joe get back - mostly because she’s intrigued at why anyone would want to cling to life so badly - with the help of some mystics who astral project while in the Zone: where everyone goes when they’re fully immersed in what they do. This almost works, but at the last second everything goes awry: #22 gets mixed up with Joe when he returns, and so he doesn’t quite get back the way he wants to...

That’s enough plot summary for now. That’s all just the set-up anyway, for the choices in writing and concept that I’m about to talk about. As you might have been able to tell from that ominous last note, the middle chunk of Soul - almost right up until the climax, in fact - is actually a body-swap movie, a la Freaky Friday. #22 ends up in Joe’s body, so he has to get her to do the things he needs to get ready for his gig and get through the day while they wait for the mystic to bring a way to set everything right. And did I mention he’s in the body of a cat? Having been following the movie, this wasn’t entirely a surprise, but it was still not something I was entirely ready for coming in. I tend to shy away from that kind of story on a personal level, as body-swap narratives are nearly predominantly based on cringe moments and awkward misconceptions - and that sort of thing usually tends to make me want to leave the scene in question and get a cup of water until after the awkwardness passes. However, this isn’t really part of the review in the sense that I perceive that the movie being in that genre is a flaw - because ultimately that’s just an aspect of my personal taste. Rather, I use it to show just how strong a movie Soul was and how well its narrative choices resonated with its themes that ultimately while it did indeed partake in your typical body-swap narrative cringe moments - “look, the [redacted] in Joe’s body just ran into his boss / mom!” / “look, the [redacted] is having a bizarre conversation with Joe’s friends!” / etc - those moments actually add to the narrative rather than take you out of it. Joe as “friends,” as exemplified by the barber he goes to to get his hair ready for the gig when it inevitably gets ruined in a bout of hijinks (the barber being that extremely well-designed bearded character the internet went wild over). He goes to that barber all the time, talks with him constantly, and believes he knows him well. But it turns out that Joe’s so wrapped up in his wants and desires that he’s never even asked him about his life - he just assumed that the barber was like him, born to do that one thing he was good at. It takes #22′s innocent, slightly off-kilter and occasional philosophical questions about what the heck all this “life” stuff is about for Joe to learn that this person in his life didn’t even want to be where he ended up initially, he ended up there because that’s the way his life turned, but he loves it because it’s life and he appreciates the world he’s come to create around himself. Likewise, he runs into his mom, but while Joe has come to expect his mother to be dismissive of him and his dreams, it takes an accident with #22 for him to realize that he’s been so caught up in his desires and her in her preconceptions that neither of them have ever had a real talk about their relationship, nor given a chance to grow in each other’s eyes. You might notice a trend. One of Joe’s students - a brilliant trombonist - comes to tell him she’s quitting band, but she doesn’t really. She’s just insecure because the other students make fun of her. Joe knows this already - it’s become commonplace to him - so the doesn’t feel the need to do anything about it and instead focuses on his own needs. But #22 decides to talk to her on a whim, and this push and pull of insecurity but joy in what one is good at fascinates her, while it bores Joe. While - like any other New Yorker - public transit is a chore to Joe, the melting pot of people and music draws #22 in: best evidenced by the moment where Joe and #22 meet another great musician playing for tips in the subway. Joe, despite being capable of relating as a musician, just walks past him after appreciating the sound for a sec, while #22, entranced by the things people do, leaves something for him. The world is drab and lacking in vibrancy from Joe’s point of view, as evidenced by the very accurate grimy look of the high school he work at - but from #22′s seemingly jaded eyes seeing it for the first time, it’s full of wonder.

This actually creates an interesting character contrast on top of the one we already know: Joe is the idealist, and #22 is the cynic... right? Well, it turns out Joe doesn’t have much of an appreciation for the world around him - not intentionally, but still to a very strong degree - whereas #22 simply hasn’t had the chance to experience life yet and thus never knew what it was that made people want to be part of it. Life itself becomes her Spark, though neither of them realize it at the time. Lets just get the aesop out of the way now. Your dream is not your life: that’s what Soul wants to say. Things that compel you as a person may consume you, even embitter you, and prevent you from seeing the world around you for what it is. But that doesn’t make dreams a bad thing: people everywhere find that Spark from the dreams to keep moving forward - it’s just that it shouldn’t preclude living, nor should living preclude your dreams. Life is a delicate balance, and man is this movie serving up some complicated life lessons here. I immediately took this as a far more mature take on the message The Princess and the Frog stumbled somewhat through years ago (man, I’m turning out to be pretty hard on that movie in this blog). My biggest issue with PATF is that it tells us that Tiana should be less intent on her dream and find love instead, but doesn’t show us. It’s just characters chiding her for not settling down until the plot ultimately pushes a man in front of her and she realizes she should’ve been finding one all along. That’s a very harsh way of putting it, but it condenses what I’m trying to say: ultimately PATF pushes Tiana to realizations she doesn’t seem to need, whereas Soul has a similar message about life and does so by focusing on character development, about how the protagonist doesn’t have as firm a handle on his life as he thought, and thus brings us a take on the lesson that’s far less cut and dry.

If you’re a fan of The Incredibles, the comparison to Mr. Incredible is fairly easy. Joe, though well meaning and decent overall, is a very self-centered person who happens to be so for very sympathetic and relatable reasons. He just wants to do the thing he feels he was born to. He'll do anything to get back to life and do that thing, even for a single night. He’s consumed by this desire so much that he's oblivious to the people around him, unable to connect to the people he loves, and unable to find joy in anything but his dream. And man, as a young writer who knows in their heart of hearts they can do great things and feels pain at the idea of not doing so, that hits different let me tell you.

The lessons Joe learns from #22 even stick. It turns out that part of what caused Joe’s dream to fail all those time was because of that lack of connection with life. He never presented himself in a way that got people to take notice of him, he never pushed for that position he wanted even though people said no, he never made himself and his life so vibrant that he glowed in the eyes of others (and again, that hits different). That’s maybe the most simplistic message of the bunch, but as a person in the creative field it’s true that sometimes being the smartest person in the room isn’t enough: it’s making himself shine that ultimately clinches Joe the gig even after he almost lost it thanks to the day’s shenanigans.

But in the end, it doesn’t feel like he thought he would.

Remember when I said there are parts where the movie comes perilously close to kiboshing its message? That moment is one, it’s the one. Not that that moment is bad - far from it, it’s the best moment in the entire movie (and you can fight me on that if you want to). It’s because it’s the crossroads, the pin, the core of the entire film: depending on the choice they made after that point, that moment could have either been the best moment in the entire movie, or the moment that toppled everything.

The realization of Joe’s dream doesn’t feel like the explosion of confetti and catharsis that he expected. It was just another moment of his life, a great one, but it’s still just part of his life. So what does Joe do? Does he panic? Does he keep going until it feels good? Does he - as he would in a lesser movie trying to give a cookie cutter aesop - immediately quit and realize he should’ve been teaching all along? No, he does none of those things. He absorbs the moment. He realizes that at the end of the dream you’re still just living life, and that you have to appreciate that. Joe isn’t wrong for pursuit of his dream. He’s not wrong for believing that hopes and dreams make life so much more worthwhile. He’s wrong in thinking that those dreams are all that define us, and that their realization is all that makes people themselves worthwhile at all.

And in the end - though I may be getting a bit too referential for this - the unexamined life is just so much less fulfilling than the alternative.

And all that a message and a half! It hits different. It’s mature as all heck. It’s something people my age (especially in my generation), twice my age, half my age never learn. It’s a callsign that sometimes Pixar is still make movies for the people who were kids way back when Toy Story was released, and are now insecure adults wondering why the world isn’t as wonderful as they saw on the screen. It’s brilliant. I said before that Joe interprets the “Spark” to be one’s purpose in life. The one thing that makes them who they are, that they are on the planet to do. He is wrong, absolutely and utterly. And in that misconception, when #22 finally does get their Spark just from being on Earth and seeing what its life, he accuses them of leeching self-actualization over his own personal ambitions, fully believing that they didn’t find a “purpose" on her own, but just copied his. But the Spark, as it turns out, is just the joy of living, the thing that makes people want to live. It can come from a dream, or just from watching the beauty of the sun set over a leaf drifting in the wind. Only in understanding this can Joe finally understand what he’s been missing in life, only then can he reconcile with #22 and help her finally be born, only then can he walk into the world and know how he’s going to live it.

We never find out what Joe decides, whether he goes back to teaching, or continues with the band. The choice is open to him, but we never find out which one he takes - another choice that keeps the aesop from falling apart. The point of all of that wasn’t that Joe has to do one thing or another to be happy, it was that Joe needs to be happy and secure in himself before he chooses what his life should be. Either of those could make him happy. Neither of those could. But now he’s in a much better place to see it, and do what he can.

We also never find out what #22 is like when she (or he, etc) is born. The two of them never meet past the point where #22 goes to Earth. Their time together has passed, and #22′s life is now their own. And that’s a great choice either. I’ve seen the occasional person feel that the choice made in this paragraph or noted in the previous one made the story confusing, but they’re ultimately what make the story what it is. The answer isn’t the necessity of resolution, its the reaffirmation of the journey. It reminds me somewhat of Wreck-It Ralph (an example of the main Disney Studio delivering a complex aesop, rather Pixar delivering them all), where being a villain wasn’t Ralph’s problem - it was that he wasn’t happy doing the thing he loved. You have to live, from living you will learn, and from learning you will do. The sheer incredible execution of this message (as you may have guessed, it’s a fairly difficult one to relay adequately in a film narrative, and the movie goes non-traditional in conclusion to maintain it) would have made this film a recommend for me even if it wasn't also beautifully animated, very well acted, funny (there’s a Knicks joke that floored me), heartwarming and relatable. But it’s also all of those things, so I have to recommend it twice as much. It is, regrettably, another movie with a black lead where the lead spends most of it transfigured into a form that’s not a black person (a soul, and then a cat), and I’ve already seen some grumbling that instead for much of it a character explicitly coded as a white woman is in his body instead, but I perceive that as an issue that’s endemic to the industry than a fault in this movie specifically. Everyone does that, but this is the only movie I’ve seen where doing that is an essential part of how the narrative develops the characters (Joe has to not be himself in order to understand his life from an outside perspective, a la Scrooge as a ghost watching his own history), and so I don’t scorn the movie for it. I, however, would very much like Hollywood to start doing that less, and - hey - as a prospective writer that’s one of those things I plan to do my part to combat. This movie, however, gets a pass in my book in ways that the general usage of this concept does not. In short, you should see it. If you get the chance to see it right now, you should take it to feel good at the end of this incredibly insane year. If you don’t want to have to sign up for Disney+ to see it now, I get you and understand, but if you get a chance to see it later do not pass it up. It’s one of the few movies I’ve watched that are an instant buy when it becomes available on digital - and the last time a movie did that for me was BlacKKKlansman. Whatever you choose to do, do it well. Keep the spirit alive, always keep searching for the real you - because it’s not always easy to find, but it’s worth looking for - and always remember that you could always have a little soul.

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 7x01

I joked in my finale ramble at the end of season 6 that the episode was called ‘Forever’ because that’s how long it would feel between seasons...well joke's on me because now, after 587 days, we are FINALLY here. The Younger drought has been a tough one, but we have been generously compensated by getting the first four episodes all at once, which is both exciting and also, turns out, incredibly overwhelming. As usual the thoughts and feelings are many, mostly feelings (read: I am NOT ok) but let’s start off with a delve into the premiere episode, ‘A Decent Proposal’.

The episode picks up within minutes of where the season 6 finale left off, with Diana and Enzo not wasting any time to hot foot it out of their wedding reception and into their happily ever after (Arrivederci bitches!). Of course I’m very happy for Diana and her happiness but there’s only one couple’s happiness that I am on tenterhooks about now that Diva is sorted and that is Charles and Liza, as they watch their sprinklers fizzle out in some sort of awkward, symbolic, anti-climax. 

You may recall that mere moments earlier, Charles had popped the question on the dancefloor before the two were separated by an obligatory conga line, and Charles quickly assumes that Liza’s lack of enthusiasm to shout her answer across the reception of another person’s wedding is an answer in itself. As anyone who has read my rambles before knows, I unapologetically fly the Team Charles flag, and let me tell you, despite her supreme stalling techniques (you’re not divorced yet, we should probably speak to the children blah blah), hearing Liza say, ‘my answer is, I love you’, my jaw hit the floor. I’m sorry, did Liza Miller just declare her feelings openly and directly and with absolute certainty??? We’re 33 seconds into the new season and I AM SHOOKETH DARREN. 

Speaking of declaring feelings openly and directly, I love absolutely everything about this opening scene. The music choice was perfect and really helped build the moment, as Charles told Liza he understands her hesitation before un-asking her to marry him (so that when the she’s made her mind she can pop the question - I kid you not, this has always been my dream...). The music cutting out and just hearing the crickets as Liza asks if he’s really withdrawing the proposal, his quip about her having to make the next move, assuming he’s still on the market (I love/hate this foreshadowing btw), it is Charles/Liza banter at its best and my sappy heart was soaking up every morsel. Throw in some CGI fireworks and the observation that they are sign (which may or may not play out at a later date) and you have yourself a pretty darn near perfect start to Younger’s final season.

Speaking of talking openly and directly, one of the staples of the Youngerverse, the Maggie morning debrief, is back as our way to gain insight into the thoughts, feelings and ponderings of Liza. Straight off the bat I am very pleased that Maggie has fully committed to ‘Chaz’ for Charles and I’m even happier that we actually hear these two talking about what’s going on because honestly, the last couple of seasons the Maggie/Liza convos, which we traditionally rely on heavily to know where Liza is at and to hear Maggie’s sage/sometimes terrible advice, have been skimmed over or felt rushed. We are also reminded that Liza has indeed seen Charles’ goods (the Empiriconda, she’s meaning the Empiriconda) and that the sex is hot, because we need to have all the information on top of the declarations of love to highlight how their relationship is pretty much perfect so that what transpires is even more painful.

Other things that are painful include the fact that Diana will be decidedly absent for most of the season (to be fair scheduling/covid are pretty legit reasons and in ep 1 we can chalk that up to her honeymoon, so more lamenting on that later), but early on it provides some pretty fab Lauren Diva-worshiping. Donning a baroque print Moschino suit that would’ve made Fran Fine jealous, Lauren is clearly distracted by the responsibility of her interim role at Empirical, as her mother frets about the theme for her 30th birthday party over face-time.

Keeping up the chaotic energy, we also discover that Kelsey has to go and let Quinn know she no longer needs her money (these characters’ ongoing relationship with the woman who has tried to ruin all of them at some point really needs unpacking with a good therapist at this stage) and Josh is in full frantic dad mode because he thinks Clare is trying to kidnap Gemma (lol that Lauren straight up calls her out on it later). Two quick points here:1) love seeing this side of Josh and 2) love Kelsey’s calm, measured reassurance that of course Clare would want her family to meet Gemma. I will say though, Josh meeting Rob for the first time when he’s about to go with Clare and Gemma to Ireland and hearing this guy he doesn’t know from a bar of soap exclaim, ‘I’m just in love with your daughter’ was super unfair. Not cool Clare, not cool. 

Kelsey keeps her cool as she breaks the news of her change of heart to our fave resident villain, who comes complete with a bowl of fortune cookies she ominously encourages Kelsey to consult while also enjoying her own fortune, ‘a new love will come into your life’. It’s all very OTT and ridiculous in it’s obvious foreshadowing and I am here for every minute of it because I sincerely love to hate Quinn very much.

My love of all things over the top is further fed by Lauren entering Diana’s office and making her way to the desk - the music, the way Lauren looks at the framed picture of Diana and Enzo before relegating it to the drawer, any moment I was expecting her to utter ‘my precious’ as she became more and more entranced by the power of the neckwear, before Liza abruptly broke the spell by asking what she was doing and warned her off her consideration of claiming Diana’s office as her own. Very much appreciated the continuity later in the episode when Liza is very distressed that Lauren has gone full-Trout with the chunky baubled ornament around her neck, though Lauren is less Invasion of the Body Snatchers and more Nancy Drew at this point, as she has caught wind of Charles’ proposal while reviewing video footage from Diana’s wedding which she decided, for some reason, to show Josh, who was ‘still not interested’ (we hear your words Josh but your face says otherwise). I am very on board the Liza/Lauren dynamic and their ‘circle of trust’ as Liza asks that Lauren keep the proposal to herself (we really haven’t seen the friendship between these two much) and Liza’s gratitude, ‘Thank you...Di-va’, is hilarious, as is the response, ‘my pleasure, Queen’.

We get many fine moments in the office this ep, the first meeting when there are formal announcements and speeches made welcoming Kelsey back...to a conference room of Charles, Liza, Lauren and a random guy we’ve never seen or heard from before and never will again it seems. It makes me laugh that every person in the room except the dude we’ll never know already knows everything but hey, formality is important I guess? The pitch for ‘Little Women in Space’ by an author played by an actress who is friends IRL with Sutton Foster and they were in the musical Little Women together is honestly too much but also just the right amount and this show does meta so well (not to mention Lauren’s excited outburst upon realising her party theme plus her making sure Liza knows that she knows about the proposal. Subtle as a sledgehammer is our Lauren). 

One not-so-fine moment is the extremely out of left field resignation of Zane followed by the completely douchey moment of him breaking up with Kelsey via face-time with the line, ‘I love you Kelsey, take care’. I’m sorry, what?? On the one hand, I get it that CMD wasn’t available for the season so in some respects better to deal with it swiftly and move on, but it was very abrupt and strange. I had zero investment in the pairing so it doesn’t overly affect my viewing, but any fans out there shipping those two, are you ok? Because that was a brutal way for a pairing to simply cease to exist.

So we have I love yous being thrown around by Kelsey and Zane as they break up because that makes sense (in retrospect I should’ve seen what was coming because these words clearly mean NOTHING *breathes deeply, exhales slowly*) but thank goodness Liza is there to comfort Kelsey, whose statement that she really doesn’t care would be a lot more convincing if she wasn’t crying inconsolably. We get a beautiful transition from Kelsey’s office to Charles’ with a sweeping aerial shot across the autumnal canopy of Central Park along with the gentle music adding to the relaxed pacing of the episode. Liza doesn’t want it to be weird between her and Charles now that the proposal is out there (well actually, its 100% in her court but yes), so he reassures her it’s not weird at all by planting a kiss on her that almost triggers the sprinklers because friends, it is HOTTT. Cue super cute exchange about pro and cons lists, lovingly looking into one another’s eyes and then, another ‘ I love you’ from Liza to Charles followed by Charles responding, ‘I love you too’, and despite my deceased status at this point, it was magical. But also WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. 

These two are so enamoured with one another and it’s as though it’s something they just say to each other all the time, but this is literally the first episode we’ve heard any kind of expression of feelings to one another since the season 6 premiere and even then it wasn’t this direct; Liza ran away and Charles told her he didn’t mind not being at the office because he did it for the woman he loves followed by a cute story about how he can do maths because he’s had feelings for her for 16 years. Don’t get me wrong, the entire scene this episode was perfect and it was SO well done in the way it captured the best parts of their dynamic (damn you Darren Star for being so good at what you do), but it also felt like we were being shown the dream version of what could have been before it’s all snatched away.

Not unlike Millennial, which is like naming a business Boomer Print according to the table of boomers at the investor meeting who blindside Kelsey and Charles by voting to restore the name Empirical (head boomer has clearly had it with millennials, indicated by his statement, ‘who gives a shit about millennials any more?’) and so it is done and Kelsey is officially having a very bad week. It is while enjoying a quiet bourbon in the bar that evening that Charles is joined by Quinn, who is allegedly on her apology tour to explain to investors why she dropped out of the Senate race, but also offers Charles what seems to be a sincere apology for treating his company like a toy (prediction: nothing is ever as it seems with Quinn). I have a confession to make and believe me, I don't like it any more than you do - they absolutely nailed the set up of tension and a little bit of a spark between Charles and Quinn in this scene IMO and I...I *whispers* I liked it.

What I liked even more was Lauren’s completely in character entrance to her own birthday party, omg it’s so ridiculous and perfectly her and Denise telling her daughter, ‘fix your crotch, good girl’ had me chuckling. I feel like we’re getting Kelsey’s set up for the season at this party too, as she’s feeling unsure of what defines her now, and the conversation about defining things carries over into Josh and Liza’s chat when he asks her if congratulations are in order. This exchange between the two of them is just lovely, with Liza clearly feeling a little awkward talking to Josh about Charles, but Josh reassures her that he does like him, for her, and that it brings him joy to know she’s happy. They agree that their relationship doesn’t need to be defined, and that they'll always be in each others’ lives no matter who they’re with. It feels very final for their romantic relationship and I would be celebrating the end of the triangle had I not clocked Josh’s fallen expression as Liza walks away. I really do hope that Josh finds someone he loves and who loves him the way he wants to be loved this season. Josh’s words gave Liza some clarity of her own and so we find ourselves at the magnificent Seaglass Carousel, home of Liza and Charles’ first proper date, once more.

Charles is clearly full of hope and expectation as he meets Liza and they remember the time he and the beard we try to forget about brought her there and it’s all amazing and beautiful and...*collects self*...Liza tells him that she just wants to keep riding the perfect ride. She once again tells him she loves him (we’re up to three times in one ep now for those of you playing at home), that all she wants is his heart and that she wants to be happily unmarried to him every day. To say this does not go down the way she is expecting is an understatement; we learn that Charles doesn’t want a ride, he wants to get off the carousel and not live in a fantasy. He believes in marriage whereas she believes they are now finally free and folks, this is why you talk about your stance on marriage in a relationship BEFORE you pop the question out of nowhere at someone’s wedding. 

You can see on his face, as Liza says she doesn’t want to define their relationship by the rules and obligations of marriage, that he’s hearing that she is not all in (whether that’s true or not) and he thanks her for letting him know what’s in her heart. You know the bit that actually plunges the knife into my heart? Charles shaking his head as Liza says his name, clearly overcome with emotion, before he kisses her on the head looking as though his world has just come crumbling down around him. That knife just gets twisted even further as Liza is left there in disbelief, (we are all Liza in that moment honestly), trying to process how her own declaration could be so easily rejected. You know, I knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any less painful. I can see it from both perspectives and I have no doubt that these two characters have a lot they need to address and work through as a result of their own failed marriages if they’re going to have healthy relationships moving forward. 

I tell you what, after so long with no new episodes, this first episode of the season was concurrently beautiful and heart-breaking and one thing’s for certain - this final ride ain’t gonna be smooth. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m just going to go and regain some composure so we can start on ep 2...

Season 6 ramble collection can be found here

[artificialqueens]

Ruinenlust, 1/2 (Max/Violet) - Puppy

A/N: Oh, wow it’s been a while since I posted. It’s good to be back. First of all, I’d like to thank @artificialpuddle for beta'ing; your comments are much appreciated. Second of all, I hope you enjoy this.

AO3 Link

Summary:

Ruinenlust - German. To take pleasure in ruin.

A few weeks after the events of “Peripeteia”, Violet and Max try again at another escapade with a little more preparation this time.

“If only you knew what you looked like right now…” The mistress smirked, putting one of her vinyl-booted feet on her kneeling, blindfolded submissive’s shoulder. The other was placed between her submissive’s feet, the top of the boot growing slick with arousal. The room was nearly quiet, only the sounds of heavy breathing filled the silence.  

Laura kept as still as possible; her mind focused on keeping still, not letting any more of her neediness show. The ambiance alone could push her past her limits; the combination of the slow, sensual music and the nearly degrading naughts being directed towards her nearly made her burst. If only she could get some more friction against her goddess’s boot. She only stopped as she felt her love’s breath go hot against her.

Her Goddess, her Mistress, her Everything leaned towards her, bit a hickey into her neck and then whispered into her ear,

“Max, did you get in my smut stash?”

The grey haired girl, startled by the shift in volume, quickly clapped the paperback shut as she nearly fell out of the loveseat. A copy of  Tainted by the Chains of Love ended up at the shorter girl’s feet. It was originally found in a thrift store as something to fill the bottom shelf of Violet’s pin-up magazines and other pulp novels.

She could have lightened the conversation, but they both knew she was never one to sugar coat things. There was no use lying to her either, especially over something so trivial as a book. “Do forgive me. I was under the impression the bookshelves were communal?”

“You’re good. Just tell me before you’re gonna borrow anything from that shelf, kay? I was worried I lost it.” Violet bent over and picked up the novel, recognizing the bookmarked page. “Oh, you’re at a  spicy part too.”

Max’s lips pursed into an awkward smile as her girlfriend further through the pages. She half expected her to read an excerpt aloud. “That is… definitely a word I would use to describe it.”

“Didn’t realize you were into this dime store stuff. I figured this was too  raunchy and  dirty for your tastes.” She scrunched her nose in fake disgust.  

Max didn’t respond as she slumped back onto the loveseat. “I… I figured I’d try something different?”

“And that’s completely valid. I guess I should ask what you think of it so far.” Violet stared into her girlfriend’s eyes that waited for a response. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, baby.”

“Well… um…” Max flexed her finger repeatedly, as if she was reaching for the right thing to say. This type of literature wasn’t in her radar; hence it was harder for her to review. Most of the time she veered away from  those types of books, but there was something about this one that made her want to keep reading. Was it the fact that the woman she loved so dearly had read it?

Nevertheless, she decided to humor her and still give her opinions. “I think it’s good so far…”

“Maxie, you’re a good chunk into it. Surely you have more to say… About the plot, how much of that there is.” She slightly raised the pitch of her voice, clearly getting some satisfaction from the secondhand embarrassment.

Max nodded her head, swimming through her thoughts to find coherent sentences, as she straightened her posture. “The writer seems to definitely know what they are talking about. The dynamic between Laura and Rachel isn’t just a thinly-veiled excuse for abuse, unlike some novels I can name. There is open communication and safe words and Rachel listens when her sub says no or when she wants to stop and… Yes, I know it’s basic human decency, but it’s just so…” She squealed with excitement. “And the dynamic… it’s just perfect and-”

“By god, you’re a nerd.” Violet couldn’t help but let out a laugh. There wasn’t a response this time. “Is something the matter, booboo? I’d normally get, like, a slap on the wrist for that.” There was still no answer. “Come on, I don’t hate it as much as I used to. I’m a masochist now, remember?” She shimmied closer towards Max, the pink silk from her robe brushing against her love’s skin and her breasts nearly at eye level.  

She sighed, holding her head in her hands. The embarrassment crept from her face into every fiber of her being. The reminder of the last time they did something of this sort, plus Violet’s remark about her infodumping, rubbed her slightly the wrong way. “Yes. About that. I’ve still been thinking about the other week, and-”

“While we’re on the subject of that, I’m still surprised at how well you did for your first time domming. I’ve been thinking, and-”

“Do you want me to do it again?”

“No.”

“If I was that bad, you can just tell me. Honesty and all…”

“Far from it. You were great!” Violet complimented earnestly, or as earnestly as she would allow herself to get. Apologizing, nor vulnerability for that manner, was never really her strongest suit; it was still too early in the relationship for that sort of thing. “I want to thank you for that… I’m sorry if that whole experience made you uncomfy and… I want to make it up to you.”

“Really?” The silver-haired girl blinked at her girlfriend, staring as if she had grown an extra head. Was she being serious? After all of the things she had said and done, Violet was still proud of her. “But… I hurt you!”

“But you didn’t harm me, and that’s what mattered. Also wasn’t topping that one time your idea? All because of those goddamn cat ears.” She chuckled, thinking about the situation in hindsight.

“And I kept spritzing you with that bottle,” She ignored the compliment and got slightly more defensive.“that must’ve been annoying.”

“Isn’t that the point? What matters is I liked it, you hear me? You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for. Now shut up and let me return the favor, okay?”

Max nodded her head, suddenly growing timid at her girlfriend’s demeanor. “What is it you want to do?”

Violet’s face grew a mischievous smirk; she’d been planning her strategy the moment she saw Max reading on the loveseat. She leaned into her girlfriend’s ear and whispered, “How about we recreate one of those scenes from this book? Would you like me to ruin you, Miss Maxine.  I bet you’ve wanted to be in Laura’s position from the moment you picked up that.”

“Yes…” Max blushed even more scarlet. She stopped herself as the logical and modest parts of her brain took over. “No, wait… shouldn’t we go over safe words and limits first?”

“We’ll get to that! I just wanna confirm if that sounds like a good idea. Granted it’s one of mine, so it’s good by default.”

“Violet!” Her lover chastised.

“Okay, I deserved that. Do you want me to do those things to you? We don’t have to do it exactly by the book.” Max nodded her head. “Perfect, let’s get playing! But first, have you eaten anything today?”

There was silence.

Violet sighed as she cupped her girlfriend’s face. “Max. My darling. Love of my life and-”  

“I’ll be fine…” Max interrupted, slightly whining as she slowly got out of the loveseat. “Please don’t worry about me. Besides, I’m not hungry.” She lied through her teeth.

It was still quite early in the afternoon and she had been too engrossed in the literature to think about bare necessities. At least she remembered to shower; that’s always a good start.

“For all the times you fuss at me about not eating, you should take better care of yourself. I don’t want you passing out.” Violet pulled Max close, then sat her down at the kitchen table. “I’ll fix something real quick and then we’ll get to it. I promise.”

The two further negotiated as they had their meal. They set limits and safe words, and it seemed as if nothing had changed since last time. Max was a little unsure about hickeys since she had a presentation the next day, but Violet calmed her down. When in doubt, there were always clean turtlenecks on standby.

“Now, last thing. Do you want me to be kind or cruel?”

Max took a bite of her salad and contemplated, as if her partner had asked a trick question. One could easily be disguised as the other given certain circumstances. “Kind,” she swallowed, unsure of her answer. “But also cruel. Possibly both? I’m sorry; I still don’t understand.”

“Let me rephrase that. How far do you want me to go? I mean, there’s a big difference between calling you a cumslut and calling you stupid.” The black-haired woman clarified, drumming her fingers on the table as she waited for an answer.

It wasn’t hard to tease Max; there were many things about her that were practically a bullseye for bullying. She was the kind of girl who would take too long to get ready, yet look like she barely had any makeup on. The kind who’d talk during a movie she’d seen ten times before just to spout trivia, quietly going on until shushed. She was practically a grandmother when it came to social media and she was just so… rigid out in public. It was too easy to make fun of the things bullies had told Max for years (her hair, her height, and the way she spoke to name a few), plus it was wrong.  

Yes, Violet was a bitch, but she still had standards.

“As far as you want.” Max continued, starting to protest yet not sure of what. “I swear… I can take it.” A hush fell over the kitchen. “I’ll safeword when I feel uncomfortable. I promise.”

Violet swallowed a mouthful of spinach and sighed, “I know you will. I trust you, but will you remember when the time comes?” A hush fell over the kitchen. “It’s just- in the past it was hard for you to come out of your subspace and I don’t wanna make you cry. Well, at least in a bad way. We should have discussed this earlier, but I got distracted by other things and-”

“Now look who’s being fussy.” The grey-haired lady teased as she finished up the rest of her meal. With a small grunt of protest from her partner, she continued. “Well… calling me stupid or worthless is a hard no, and other things in that vein. Nothing negative about my body. And… I think that’s it.”

“Perfect.” Violet shot up and took her and Max’s bowls. “I’ve got to get ready, but remember. As soon as I see you next, your ass is mine. Give me about thirty-ish minutes and I’ll be ready for you. I have some research to do.” She strode towards the door, flipping through the pulp novel’s pages for emphasis.

“Sounds good to me, darling.”

“Then it’s a date!” As she pulled herself into the bedroom, the newly appointed mistress quickly stuck out her head and winked before closing the door.

Max could only imagine the preparations at hand.

[honeyons]

my thoughts on Life is Strange: Before the Storm (review-ish)

DISCLAIMER: I will NOT talk about shipping or anything about that! I really don’t care about shipping in Life is Strange and I KNOW people here have strong opinions! you can ship what you want! I don’t care and I won’t talk about that now. as for me: I have played Life is Strange and Life is Strange: Before the Storm and I played EVERY route because I wanted to see the outcome.

PLEASE don’t make this post into some shipping war shit. look at this as some sort of a review (it’s not really but you get my point).

okay, forgive me for the mess but I try to structure this post.

Location: Like always in every LiS game I got struck with the beautiful scenery and music. It just feels like pure peace just sitting there and enjoy the moment. Even tho many NPC’s talk about how shitty Arcadia Bay is, the aestetic and scenery makes you want to live there. also new places were introduced like the park or the mill.

Story: The Story itself was... okay. I know it’s harder to come up with a good and emotional story without the impact of superpowers (like the butterfly effect in LiS 1). the whole plot with Sera felt a bit weird to me actually. was not really my cup of tea. Also what bugged me and threw more questions: why would Rachel be okay with cheating on Chloe (if they were lovers) with Frank but she’s mad at her dad for cheating? sounds a bit fishy and I think that’s more about the inconsistensies that came up. while I love and adore what Deck Nine did, a little bit more detail research to that wouldn’t have hurt (I’M NOT accusing them of not doing enough research but it just seems like it)

also didn’t like that they introduced a bad guy (Damon Merrick) and killed him off immidiatly. I get that there need to be a concistensy to LiS 1... but there are other options to handle this. He was THAT baddie mcbad, a very powerful criminal and he was killed off camera. that’s a bit lazy.

All in all it was a bit weird that the whole plot was stuffed in only 3 episodes which made everything feel rushed.

Music: I actually liked the music more than in LiS 1. It got me into Daughter a lot and I enjoy her music very much.

Characters:

Chloe - I  have to say, I liked Chloe much much more in BtS than in LiS. She grew a lot to me. We explore her trauma from losing her dad and it is really really emotional. Also I liked the aspect that her journal are letters to Max. we also explore how she felt about Max, many mixed feelings in being angry and missing her. a nice detail is how her clothing style is kinda changing from skater style to punk rock, so we still get to have both clothing styles until we have full punk rock Chloe in LiS 1. My favorite scene (and one of the most emotional ones imo) is the junkyard smash scene. her emotional outburst and wanting to destroy stuff really hit hard. (a bit off topic but imo I agree to the fan theory even more that Chloe suffers from BPD and depression. )

Rachel - so I gotta say, this game is not really for people who liked the mystery around Rachel in LiS 1. I always liked Rachel and especially in LiS 1 that there is this mysterious person you only hear rumors about and see some pictures. My problem is that Deck Nine tried to make Rachel live up to these rumors a bit too much, there was a bit potential lost. because all in all, these are rumors, they can be wrong, they can be exaggurated. I really liked how Rachel encouraged Chloe to be part of the play. And I can imagine she did a lot of things like that. Showing Chloe things out of her (Chloe’s) comfort zone that are good and enjoyable, that things like the play are actually fun and don’t suck. I enjoyed Rachel a lot she is a fun character and even shows that a “perfect” person has their own struggles. And no. I don’t think she has element powers. the wind was more to underline her pain, the fire was more symbolic for her anger. for example the candles at the tables, the flames grew and we see Rachel being quiet yet tense. the flames were symbolic for her anger that boiled up.

relationship between Rachel and Chloe - like I mentioned in the “Story” section, it all felt very rushed (no matter if you choose friendship or love). But still it was shown how much they care for each other. Even tho I’d love to see more happen what we saw in the ending sequences. Because those little shorts were more to what we knew about Rachel in LiS 1 and I wanted to explore more of this. What bugged me a bit was that we as Chloe weren’t really doubting anything even a bit. yes the junkyard scene was the only time Chloe called her out and they got into a fight. what I rather wished for is for example something like this:

the scene were Rachel drugged Victorias tea.

C: Rachel! I.. I know that you want to be in the play..and you deserve it, really! but that was insane... you could get in seriuos trouble... have you forgotten what happened this morning?

R: I thought Chloe Price doesn’t care about getting in trouble?

C: I don’t. I get in trouble all the time but I care about YOU. I don’t want you to get in more shit.

R: I... I’m sorry. you are right, that was a bit extreme. I promise not to do such thing anymore.

(JUST AN EXAMPLE. I DON’T KNOW IF I GOT WAY OUT OF CHARACTER BUT YOU GET MY POINT)

All in all I enjoyed their relationship and the deep care for each other it’s more hurtful because we as player know what’s going to happen and the very last sequence in the dark room is very very heavy. BUT I get why a lot of people thought of Rachel to be manipulative. I myself had my doubts too sometimes (even tho I love Rachel). I think Deck Nine did a bit of a messy writing in her character (like I said above with living up to her rumors) mixed with Chloe being totally okay with EVERYTHING Rachel does paints that kind of a picture. maybe I could be wrong too since there is the whole Frank stuff still open and we never got an explaination why Rachel hooked up with him. I didn’t really get the feeling in LiS1 that she’s manipulative..more.. desperate I guess? so that’s a bit messy on that part.

Nathan - I liked him better in BtS than LiS1. The scene where his father is mad at him before the play was heavy (for everyone who know how bad abusive parents are, this hits hard) and we actually see Nathans concernes and being afraid. I really enjoyed him in the tempest play (when you encourage Samantha to talk to him). it shows a different side of him. also he wasn’t constantly flexing with his familys power. so yeah, I liked him better in BtS.

Eliot - oof. I get what point Deck Nine wanted to come across but they pushed that too much from the start. If they wanted the scene in the Ambers office more of a shock value they should’ve written him better. yes he is definitely a creepo but there was potential wasted to make a good shock moment in the end. For example, they could make postitve interactions between Chloe and him so we don’t suspect him imidiatly as creeper. because every interaction (even the “nice” ones) were hostile. what I’m trying to say is that Deck Nine had a good chance to build up a good shock moment for the player but it was ruined from the start.

okay I don’t want to get in each and every character.

Bonus Episode Farewell: tears. just tears. the only thing I have to say is... from a logical standpoint I don’t get why Max HAD TO leave on the exact day of the funeral. I mean... yeah she had to go anyway but her family could’ve delayed that for a few days to be there for the Price family. HOWEVER from a stroy telling point this gets you more tears in your eyes (to leave on the funeral) and goddammit this made me cry every time.

all in all I really really love BtS and it was so nice to visit Arcadia Bay again, seeing familiar and new faces. I love it even with it’s flaws.

[unsettledink]

Getting Started - Kinktober Day 27 (Deep End 5)

Getting Started

Prompt: Needles

Word Count: 2787

Summary: Quentin should have run the second Tony asked him how he felt about needles.

(edgeplay, blood, corset piercings, sadism, exhibitionism, dirty pictures, consent issues in spades, bad bdsm practices, tony being a jerk, quentin in so deep he’s drowning, needles, seriously needles, NEEDLES NEEDLES NEEDLES, it’s the spiders all over again folks)

*

Tony: can you make yourself free tonight? 

Tony: all night

Quentin stares at the text. There’s a presentation coming up, there’s reviews to finish, there’s always some sort of experiment he can run; it’d be easy to come up with an excuse why he can’t. 

Tony already knows all those things.

Quentin: I’m free.

Tony: set things up to have tomorrow off too 

Shit. What the fuck is he planning now? 

Quentin hesitates before he sends anything else. Types and erases several attempts— last time, he’d made the mistake of demanding dinner and not phrasing it well. He had not meant but i demand to be fed first to mean literally being fed. 

In the end he just sends an acknowledgement and nothing more.

*

“So,” Tony says almost the instant Quentin’s in the door. “How do you feel about needles?”

“How do I feel?” Quentin says. “I… don’t feel? Am I supposed to have feelings about needles?”

“Are you one of those people that faint when you poke them?” Tony says. “Or have some phobia of them?”

Quentin does not like the sound of this. “Why do I have a feeling it’s not going to matter if I say yes?”

Tony grins, quick and bright and distressingly cheerful— he’s excited about this, Quentin realizes. Shit.

“Only in that I might change things a bit if you are,” Tony says. 

“I’m not.” 

“Great!” Tony says. “Now shoo, go lie on the bed. Naked, obviously,” like Quentin needed that pointed out. He doesn't like this at all. He likes it even less when Tony comes back with a whole tray of crap. 

“What—” Quentin starts, staring at the pile of needles on the tray.

“The plan,” Tony says, “is that I’m going to… decorate you. You’ll look exceptionally pretty, I’m sure.”

“And what do I get out of this?” He does not want to be fucking decorated, not if it’s with needles. Not if it’s going to hurt, and since it’s Tony— it’s going to hurt. 

Tony’s expression goes smug, darker. “You like people looking at you,” he says. “Like being shown off. When I’m done, I’m going to take some pictures and post them on a few particular sites. I bet you’ll break my record.”

Quentin stares at him, and he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to feel. “Don’t show my face,” he says, and it comes out hoarser than he meant. 

“Of course not,” Tony says. “Kind of a shame not to, but I’m not a complete asshole. I promise, no one will ever know it’s you. Well, except me.”

Why is he stalling? It’s not like he can stop this, can really change how it goes. “I don’t like pain,” he says. “Not like that, you know that.”

“Eh,” Tony says. “I don’t know how true that is— but it’s not going to hurt as much as you’re thinking. It’ll hurt, but you’re probably overestimating. And you’ll still get that little endorphin rush. I think you’re getting a lot out of this, actually.”

How is he supposed to argue with that? “Alright,” he says, and his stomach twists. 

Tony leans over him, flatten a hand on Quentin’s chest. “You’re going to have to be still,” he says. “Very still while I’m working. I don’t want to actually damage you. Can you, or do I need to tie you down?”

Quentin twitches at the thought; fuck no, he doesn’t want to be tied down for this. He already feels helpless enough. Can he be still enough? He has no idea, but he’s going to try. “You don’t have to tie me,” he tells Tony.

“Mmm, you’re going to be good?” Quentin closes his eyes. He hates that tone of voice, hates what it does to him. 

“Maybe,” he says. Tony likes that. 

Tony turns back to his tray and picks up something, probably a needle.”Tip your head back,” he says, tapping under Quentin’s chin. He runs a finger down the length of Quentin’s throat once it’s bared, and Quentin shivers. “I don’t want you to see what I’m doing,” Tony tells him. “It spoils the surprise if you can just look down and see what’s next.” Fuck, Quentin really does not like the sound of this. 

There’s a pinch at the top of his throat, just below his chin, and Quentin freezes. He feels like he can’t get in even half a breath, knows his eyes are wide, knows he’s staring at Tony and probably looks as terrified as he feels. Why did he agree to this, why didn’t he—

There’s another… not quite a pinch, or one that goes on, sharper and more painful and oh god, he can feel it as the needle slides under his skin, it’s awful. It hurts, but the hurt is almost second to the sick feeling of in his skin. 

“Perfect,” Tony says, running his fingers over where it’s buried in Quentin’s skin. “Want to see?”

“No,” Quentin whispers. 

“Your loss,” and Tony pinches another spot below the first. Quentin makes this— almost a whimper, this embarrassing sound that has Tony smirking. “Now now,” he says. “It didn’t hurt that bad, did it. I told you so.” 

There’s nothing he can do, Quentin tells himself, again. He closes his eyes and focuses on not moving as Tony works his way down his neck. There’s six of them by the time he slides the last in at the base of Quentin’s neck, resting on his collarbones. Tony was right about one thing; even if he can, Quentin does not want to look down at all. 

He swallows, and the sudden sharp pain of that pulling against each needle has him crying out, startled and hurting. His eyes fly open and Tony— Tony is grinning, is looking perfectly pleased with how this is turning out. He runs his finger down that same line as before, slowly dragging it over each bump, each needle buried in him. “I wasn’t sure you’d be able to stay still,” he says. “But I should have known better. Looks great, sweetheart. I’d say we’re off to a good start.”

No, no, no.

Quentin’s not even going to try and look down, so Tony gets exactly what he wants; Quentin overreacting to every touch, wondering if this one is going to be a needle, or this one, or this one— god, it’s awful. He can’t help the way he starts when Tony pinches his nipple, because if Tony puts a needle through that he’s going to scream. 

He doesn’t.

What he does do is almost worse, though Quentin can’t really compare and doesn’t want to be able to. Tony pinches a spot maybe an inch or so out from it and slides a needle in there, the tip almost touching it. “Goddammit,” Quentin hisses. “You’re an asshole.”

Tony just laughs. Sets another in his skin a little lower; Quentin barely suppresses his twitch and groans instead. “Bastard!”

“What, am I going to get called something for each one?” Tony says, and he sounds happy about it, fucking sadist. “I like this game,” and he sticks another in. 

“Motherfucker,” Quentin snaps. 

There’s… six? Seven? Too many, and it feels like a whole palm sized part of his chest is numb and on fire at the same time. Stinging and aching and then Tony— Tony goes around and fucking taps each one, pushing them further in little by little until the tip of each is pressing into his nipple. Not piercing it, no, just enough to feel but fuck, he knows that is going to get him eventually. 

Quentin should have known Tony would go and do the same damn thing to his other nipple. “I hate you,” Quentin tells him, and he means it.

“I bet you do,” Tony says. “Does that count as name calling?”

By the time the last one is stuck in him, Quentin’s run out of things to call Tony that aren’t repeats. He can’t think. He’s breathing hard, the effort of not moving getting to him. It’s harder and harder with each needle, the pain multiplying, sure, but the anticipation, knowing where each one is going to go— that’s what makes it the worst because he’s not just trying to stop the flinch of pain, he’s trying to stop the flinch before it happens. 

Tony brushes his thumb across each nipple, gently, just a barely there touch. Even that much moves it though, pressing it harder into those needle tips just waiting to hurt. Quentin swallows, groans at that too. 

Groans louder when Tony leans down and puts his mouth over the tip of one, sucking on it and pulling it up, every point stabbing into Quentin and the skin pulling tight where the needles lie. “Oh god,” Quentin gasps. “Fuck, Tony— Tony!”

He can’t stay completely still at that, one hand coming up and grabbing Tony’s arm hard, his legs jerking and almost kicking Tony. Tony pulls away, but it doesn’t help at all; the way things are arranged, the tips of the needles have caught, are keeping his nipple pulled tight, pierced all around it. Quentin closes his eyes, starts shaking as he waits for Tony to turn to the other. 

“Fuck,” Tony says, his voice rough. “Look at you, already all fucked up. I’m going to ruin you.”

Quentin opens his eyes, looking up at him, thinking maybe he’ll beg, maybe he’ll argue, maybe something he can do will sway Tony— but there’s blood on Tony’s lip. “Shit,” Quentin whispers, and he doesn’t know for sure if it’s Tony’s or his. Or both. “Tony— there’s blood.”

Tony wipes his thumb over his lip, smearing it as he wipes most of it away. “I know,” he says. “Don’t worry, I already had you tested; you’re fine.”

When the fuck did he do that, Quentin wonders, because he sure doesn’t remember getting a blood draw. “Yeah,” he says, “well what about you?”

“It’s fine,” Tony says again, dismissively. Flicks that same nipple and Quentin loses track of whatever he was going to say entirely. 

There’s some small mercy that Tony doesn’t go for his other nipple, but that probably just means he has something worse planned for it. Instead, he draws his hands down Quentin’s sides, too lightly, Quentin’s stomach tensing as he tries not to move; it fucking tickles. “Mmm,” Tony says, “not there. What about—” and he moves his hands a little higher, repeating the movements until he hits a spot that doesn’t make Quentin shiver. Why would Quentin’s body betray him like that? All of it should be off limits if the opposite means needles.

They actually don’t hurt nearly as much, the needles that Tony stacks down his abdomen and stomach, almost to the top of his thigh. They sting, and they do hurt, but nothing like the others. Maybe he’s desensitized to it already? 

Or maybe not, because he groans and has to grit his teeth when Tony runs his fingers over them, runs them back up along the plastic ends, tugging at all of them. He toys with them, pushing and pulling at some, flicking others, twisting a couple. Quentin hates the noises coming out of him at every torment, how they’ve risen into whines and whimpers, sharp, desperate. 

They hurt even more when he starts trying to calm himself by taking deeper breaths, slower breaths; the extra movement tugs his skin tight around them, sending lines of pain radiating out from the full length of his torso. “Fuck,” he whispers. 

And then; “Tony,” barely a sound, small and shocked, as Tony gets a grip on Quentin’s cock and Quentin hears him pick up a needle. “Tony!”

“Shhh,” Tony says, stoking across the tip of his cock, like that’s supposed to make anything better. “It’s not as bad as you think.”

“It’s my fucking cock,” Quentin chokes out. 

“Yeah it is,” Tony says, smug as hell. “Oh, it’s going to hurt, baby. But it’s not going to be the worst thing you’ve ever felt, and after— you’ll look so good and I’ll be so pleased with you.”

Quentin does not fucking care. “Tony,” he repeats, because he can’t think of anything else, can’t think of something that might stop him. “Please, I can’t—”

“You always say that,” Tony says, dragging his fingers down Quentin’s cock, and it’s barely hard now. “But it always turns out that you can. Haven’t I been right so far?”

“Please,” Quentin whispers.

“You have to be very, very still for this,” Tony says. “Even more so. Okay?”

No, not okay, not okay, please— 

Oh god, it hurts. 

He finds he’s keening without even realizing it, tears springing instantly to his eyes. It hurts, it hurts it hurt it hurts—

There’s more than one, more than two, more than he count, lines of agony down either side of his cock, Tony handling it carefully as he pushes each one in, slowly, and Quentin doesn’t know if that’s supposed to make it better or worse. He has to stop, he has to, it’s going to stop, please—

“There you go,” Tony says softly. “Perfect; you didn’t move a bit. Well, not where it mattered,” because yeah, Quentin’s hands have been clenching in the sheets, but does that really fucking count? “Fuck, I can’t wait to get you hard again. You think it hurts now—” he laughs. Why does he think that will make Quentin want to get hard? If he even can, how could he possibly. 

“Now, one more spot,” Tony says, reaching down and pulling Quentin’s balls up. Quentin just squeezes his eyes shut, tears dripping down the sides of his face. Those don’t hurt near as much as the ones in his cock, but he doesn’t know if anything will ever hurt as much as them. 

Tony tugs at them, very gently and still too much by far. Keeps tugging, moving up, and Quentin realizes there’s something else there, something brushing against his skin that he can’t make sense of. Something that’s— that catching the needles in his cock and the needles on his sides, pulling them towards each other and keeping them like that, holding tension. 

“God,” Tony whispers once it feels like he’s done. He leans down, pressing a kiss against Quentin’s stomach. “You look incredible. I could get off just looking at you like this. Kinda want to just pull you back over the side of the bed and fuck your throat so I can get the best of both.” 

He moves, and Quentin fucking whimpers at the thought that he’s going to do it, going to choke Quentin on his cock while he looks at Quentin spread out like this— fuck, what is it going to feel like with those needles in his neck?

It doesn’t come though; he hears Tony moving around, doing something. Coming back and pulling at Quentin’s legs, shifting him around a little. What— 

There’s a faint noise, muffled. A familiar noise. 

He’s taking the pictures. 

There’s something— something wrong with Quentin. Something seriously wrong. Something that might start to explain why he keeps saying yes to Tony, because the thought of that—that there are pictures of this, of him, that they’re going to be seen by other people—it has something flipping in his stomach. Is making him flush, is making him— well, not hard, but his body is at least considering it. 

“Quentin,” Tony says. “Open your eyes.” 

When he does, the phone is right in front of them. The picture of himself is right in front of them. “Jesus,” he whispers. 

The needles at his neck are perfectly aligned, perfectly spaced out, untipped silver piercing through his skin. Clean, almost unreal like they’re just decoration, not needles at all. The ones at his nipples aren’t clean at all; they’re still spaced out just right, a wheel of black plastic tips around the dark red of his nipples, but—the one Tony had abused, at least—there’s blood staining the needles, spread out on his skin. Messy. A blot on the canvas. 

But the ones— the— the something Tony had been messing with was cord, thin red satiny cord that’s wrapped around the base of needles along his sides and on his cock. Crisscrossing between them, lacing them together and trapping his dick underneath those red lines. 

It kind of is pretty. Not nearly pretty enough to justify how much he’s hurting right now, but—

“They are going to love you,” Tony murmurs. “Should I post some now? See how many reactions you get by the time I’m done with you?”

“You’re not done with me?” Quentin says. 

“Oh no,” Tony says. “I’m just getting started.”