#i definitely have an obsession with commissioning artists but it’s not my fault there are so many talented individuals out there!!

[golden--doodler]

So, I just got this amazingly lovely Commission from @stephreynaart of my two Gravity Falls OCs, Maggie and Sydney, as sort of an early Christmas gift for myself (and because I saw they were having a sale on their Comm prices)! And my goodness, they absolutely knocked it out of the park. My heart is so full 🥺😭🫶🏼

The idea is based off this section of the long Gravity Falls fic I’ve been writing on-and-off with my best friend, Matilda (again, not her real name, just an alias for privacy) since around 2020, though I think I actually started writing it before beginning to collaborate with her around 2018. So this fic has been in the works for a very long time!! But we’re almost finished with it (we’re very close) and are planning to continue writing it so it gets done eventually!! So that’s very exciting.

Anyway, the scene takes place during the episode Soos and the Real Girl in Season Two, and Maggie has had a crush on Sydney for a very long time, since they first met in The Time Traveler’s Pig back in Season One. And this is when they finally have their first kiss at Hoo-Ha Owl’s Jamboree:

“You have quite the moves, Syd.” I laughed, my face becoming warmer, and my hands rubbing against my thighs as I searched for something to occupy them with.

She bumped my shoulder with a playful smirk occupying her face, “They weren’t as impressive as when you knocked that beaver with a chair! That look of determination on your face was… whoa.” 

I could’ve sworn she turned away after saying that, but I didn’t comprehend why.

My smile soon faded into more of a frown, “I don’t think I could have handled all of those animatronics without you.”

“I mess things up all the time, and I’m not as brave as you are.” I looked at the ball pit below us, groaning. “Soos didn’t get along with Melody because of me. It’s just that you’re so courageous, I don’t know if I’m good enough.”

Sydney sighed and put an arm around me, “Who got the courage to talk to me?”

I looked up at her, pausing for a moment, “I did?”

“Who helped stop a Summerween monster?”

“You and Soos did.”

“Maggie, you still helped! Who got up the courage to stop Gideon from taking over the town with his giant robot?”

I smiled, “I did.”

“Who stood up to Bill Cipher twice?”

I stood up, “I did!”

“I don’t like you because of traits you think matter. I like you because of traits you have that do matter. You’re courageous, you’re smart, and you’ve protected me more than once.” She chuckled softly. “Honestly, I have doubts too, so you’re not alone. But I think it’s safe to say that going to that fair and meeting you was the best decision I ever made.”

I couldn’t help but feel extremely warm, and my heart started beating faster than before. It was no longer a hummingbird, more like an avalanche of rocks tumbling down the side of a mountain, pushing everything else in its path away.

“You were amazing back there just now, you know. And I would’ve been toast if it wasn’t for those Taekwondo moves you showed me that one time. How about you give yourself some credit once in awhile and enjoy things as they come.”

She leaned forward and gave me a huge bear hug. I reciprocated it, enjoying the moment of peace and quiet after the chaos of .GIFfany.

“Like what?” I asked, wanting some clarification.

“Like this.”

Before I could even process what was occurring, Sydney leaned forward. Her face was becoming closer to mine, and my heart became a hummingbird needing desperate release from a cage. I almost leaned back because of instinct, and there was part of me that didn’t want to allow myself to believe that what was occurring was really occurring. 

Then her lips connected with mine.

It was gentle and tentative at first, and for a moment, all I could focus on was how smooth and delicate Sydney’s mouth felt. Despite my fear, I couldn’t help but reciprocate. The kiss was filled with an unspoken promise and understanding that our connection ran deeper than any self-doubt I harbored. And I couldn’t believe she felt the same way about me as I did about her. This entire time we could’ve been doing this.

The kiss deepened and our hands soon found each other. They interlocked like the twine of a basket, finding each other in the midst of this newfound connection. My other hand explored Syndey’s hair, her wonderful, flowing locks that cascaded like a waterfall down her back.

Sydney laughed once we separated, and we both panted, breathless. Our foreheads rested against each other, “We should probably go. I think we should give Soos and Melody some time alone.”

I laughed and followed her down, and Mabel tackled me in the ball pit.

“MAGGIE, YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS! It seems Soos and Melody aren’t the only match meant to be.” Mabel grinned.

“It seems like it.” I quickly hugged her and adjusted my glasses, which were starting to slide down my face.

[mfingenius]

Hey, idk if you’re taking prompts rn, but I was wondering if you could write something where Draco was raised by Sirius, or Sirius and Lupin? Like Narcissa gives baby Draco to Sirius bc she doesn’t want him raised by death eaters (or maybe doesn’t want him raised by an abusive Lucius if it’s a no Voldemort au), and it’s drarry with Draco having a protective dad au? This is def in part inspired by your Weasley!Draco fic that I’m obsessed w rn 😬

“Draco,” Sirius says.

“No.” Draco says firmly.

“Draco,”

“Dad, I swear to Merlin-”

“Leave him alone, Sirius,” Remus laughs from the kitchen, where he’s baking cookies. “When he’s ready to admit it to himself, he will.”

“I don’t need to admit anything to myself!” Draco says, face burning. Sirius is sitting upside down on their couch, grinning brightly at their son. “I don’t like Harry!”

“Yes, you do,” Both of his dads say, Remus much more calmly than Sirius.

“Come on,” Sirius rolls his eyes. “You’ve been moping all summer!”

Draco’s face heats further. 

“I wasn’t moping!” He defends feebly, pulling at the frayed hem of his jumper. He’s wearing soft pajama bottoms and a jumper Harry gifted him when they were twelve. It’s been four years, and it still fits him too big.

“Oh, you were so definitely moping,” Sirius rolls his eyes with a smirk. “You spent hours waiting for his owl-”

“Did not!” Draco exclaims.

“Here, try this.” Remus has come into the living room holding a tray of cookies, and he hands Sirius a small piece and Draco another; he took it up as a way to relax before the full moon when they adopted Draco. He seemed to have a special radar for whenever Remus was in a bad mood, and he cried like mad - which did not help at all - until it got better, leaving him no other option but to find something that made him happy quick.

“It’s good,” Sirius says immediately, mouth full. “More?”

“No,” Remus says, putting the tray on the counter and sitting on the couch next to his husband. “They’re for my students.”

Draco gives his father his best imploring look. “I’m your student.”

Remus throws him an amused, exasperated look. “My summer students.”

He teaches Defense against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts; in the summers, he teaches art and science in kindergarden. Sirius is the coach of the Quidditch Little League year-round, has been for years now, since he opened the kindergarden. He does it in the summer, too, since they have a summer camp.

Draco’s spent the better part of the mornings helping them take care of the kids, since Harry and his parents had gone to a holiday in Rome. The afternoons, he’s been spending at Hermione’s house, and the weekends with his uncle Regulus in his tattoo parlour. 

He’s the best tattoo artist in magical England, and though both of his dads have tattoos of their own, they haven’t given him permission to get one until he’s eighteen. Draco’s anxiously waiting.

“No fair,” Draco pouts. 

Sirius mirrors the pout. “We’re your husband and son, and you don’t want to give us cookies? Cruel, Moony, plain cruel.”

Remus rolls his eyes fondly at their antics, and summons two cookies from the kitchen to give to them, which immediately makes them smirk. “You’re both spoiled.”

Neither Draco nor Sirius bother denying it. 

“Come on,” Remus says. “You need to get ready for tonight or we’re going to be late.”

Sirius hums and stands, making his way to their bedroom; they’re invited to Fleur and Bill Weasley’s engagement party - Draco can’t go because it’s in a bar he can’t get into, since he’s underage - and Draco’s planning to spend the night watching muggle films on their telly. The only reason they have one is because they live in Muggle London - Draco’s never particularly understood why - and, although he can imagine the city to be more boring than magical ones, it’s his home.

Remus follows Sirius down the hall. Draco begins to flip through their film collection, and he’s trying to choose what to watch tonight, when the bell rings.

Draco frowns; he’s not expecting anyone - he’s literally in the oldest clothes he owns - and neither are his dads, that he knows of. It must be Alex, looking for their cat again. They’ve only had the cat for three months, but Draco’s already made friends with Alex because of how often it’s gotten lost.

“I haven’t seen Mrs. Fluffington, Alex,” He calls while he opens the door; insead of staring at Alex’s pale face and lavender hair, he finds himself staring at a deep red shirt.

“I’m not Alex,” He freezes momentarily at the voice, before looking up - and up, and up - and straight into Harry’s handsome face.

He looks him up and down a few times.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Draco says, irritated.

“Watch your mouth,” Sirius says as he passes by, which make’s Draco’s face twist in embarrassment. He hadn’t thought before speaking.

Harry laughs. 

“It’s not ridiculous,” He says. “It’s normal.”

“It’s not normal to have grown half a meter over the summer!” Draco says. He’s not used to having to strain his neck to look up at Harry; he’s not used to having to look up at Harry at all. He’s always been shorter than Draco is!

“It’s not my fault you haven’t grown at all,” Harry says with a cheeky smirk. Draco’s cheeks heat, and he sticks his tongue out at Harry. “Isn’t that the jumper I got you when we were twelve?”

Draco wrinkles his nose - he’d pleaded Harry wouldn’t remember that the second he’d opened the door - and says, “No.”

“It is,” Sirius says, from inside. “He sleeps in it.”

Draco turns beet red and Harry grins smugly. 

“When did you get back anyway?” Draco asks, dying to change the subject. He moves out of the way, and Harry takes that as the invitation that it is and walks in. “And why didn’t you tell me?”

“This evening,” Harry says. Draco shuts the door behind him while Harry greets Sirius and Remus. “I thought we could have a movie night. My parents are going to Bill’s and Fleur’s party, too.”

“Of course,” Draco swallows.

He wants to go change, but it’s a bit pointless now; plus, it’s not like Harry’s never seen him in his pajamas. They sleep at each other’s regularly, but now… well, Draco hoped that if Harry came back from a month without seeing him and Draco looked dashingly good - he has no idea how he hoped to achieve that, if his entire closet is made up of soft jumpers and muggle jeans, except for his dad’s old leather jacket - maybe he’d magically develop a thing for him, like Draco most definitely has for him.

It is hopeless now; Harry has already realized he’s just the same old Draco.

“Well kids, we’re heading out,” Sirius claps Harry on the back and then kisses Draco’s cheek. Remus does the same. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“There’s nothing you wouldn’t do,” Draco tells him.

He hears Sirius’s laughter even after they close the door.

“So,” He says, awkwardly. 

“How was your summer?” Harry asks, sitting on the couch, cross-legged.

“Fine,” Draco says. “I helped my dads at the Kindergarden. How was yours?”

“Rome was gorgeous,” Harry says. He’s grinning. “I brought you something.”

“Oh?” Draco hopes he doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels. He walks over to the couch and sits across from Harry stiffly.

“Yeah.” Harry says. He searches his pockets, and then hands Draco a small box. “Open it.”

Draco looks wary as he does so, but, when he does, his expression turns to amazement.

“Harry,” He says. “What is this?”

He’s looking up at the cieling, where thousands of tiny stars are shining, some brighter than the others.

“They were selling them in Rome,” Harry says. “Look at that,” he points to a set of specially shiny stars. “That’s Draco. The constellation. I thought you’d like it.”

Draco stares at him, eyes wide.

“If you don’t, I can take it back,” Harry says nervously. “I mean, I can’t, but I can keep it. I didn’t want to - is it too much?”

Draco swallows. “No,” He says. “It’s perfect. I love it.”

I love you.

Harry grins. “Good. What are we watching?”

As he reads film titles out loud, Draco swears to himself he’s going to work up the nerve to tell Harry how he feels about him.

Some day.

———————–

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[ryqoshay]

How to Handle a Nico - Even Under a Love Curse, There’s No Way I Would Be Like This

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Words: ~1.5k Rating: T Time Frame: Maki is in med school. Nico is working as an idol producer. They are living together as a couple, but not married yet. Story Arc: Stand Alone

Author’s Note: I must thank VNVdarkangel for help in giving a title to this chapter; I was honestly stumped. But this title gives it un certain anime’esque je ne sais quoi, if you will.

“Manga?” Maki asked, glancing over at the tablet her girlfriend was holding. “Haven’t seen you read that kind of stuff in a while.”

“Doujin.” Nico corrected, swiping to advance the page.

“Same difference?”

“In art style, sure, but not in publication.”

“Hrm… Hey, that girl looks like… me?”

Nico giggled.

“And why is she… What the heck?”

Nico laughed heartily.

“I don’t get it.”

“It’s my doujin, Maki-chan.”

“You drew a doujin?”

“Well, no, I actually commissioned it.” Nico amended. “And this is really just a proof of concept, not her finished product.”

“Her?”

“The artist I commissioned. She’s a former school idol, which is how I came across her work.” Nico explained. “One of her friends from that group works with Egao now.”

“Hrm…”

“She’s been drawing her own doujin for a little while now but hit a snag and decided to take a small hiatus. During that time, she opened commissions and I liked her work, so I got one. Uhm…” She scrolled through a folder. “Here it is.”

“You had her draw us from one of our old photoshoots?”

“Uh huh. Cute, isn’t it?” Nico grinned. “Brings back memories.”

“Yeah…” Maki studied the drawing on display. “I remember liking that set.”

“Anyway, the picture gave me some ideas, so I reached out to her again and asked if she’d be willing to work a bigger project.” Nico switched back to the doujin. “And this is what we came up with. Wanna read it?”

“Sure.” Maki accepted the tablet. It felt odd reading a story about a fanciful version of herself, but the artwork immediately pulled her in. “What the heck? ‘How to Handle a Maki’? I don’t get it. What kind of title is that?”

“A fitting one. Nico is left trying to figure out how to deal with Maki’s curse, after all.”

“Curse?”

“Sorry, spoilers…” Nico held up her hands apologetically.

Maki pursed her lips. For some reason, the name bugged her more than it probably should. Perhaps it was because it sounded familiar? But why would it be familiar? Odd…

“And Nozomi is in this too?” She asked after a few pages.

“Yup.” Nico confirmed. “And Eli. And Kotori. Umi, Rin and Hanayo have only been mentioned in name thus far, but they’ll probably appear later. I forget what her girlfriend had planned for Honoka.”

“Girlfriend?”

“The artist’s girlfriend is really into fantasy games and whatnot. She’s been a big help in coming up with ideas for worldbuilding, character design and plot points. There are a couple Easter egg jokes and references to gaming that were her suggestions.”

“I see.” Maki continued to read. “Wait, do I still think you’re younger than me?”

“Maybe?” Nico shrugged. “Not really sure how to take care of that just yet. Maybe it can just happen off panel at some point.”

“And one meal is all it took for me to become obsessed with your cooking?”

“Are you gonna deny that’s what happened in real life?”

Maki deadpanned at her girlfriend, earning a laugh.

“Well, maybe not just one…” The redhead tried to save face.

“Then definitely by the second.” The raven-haired girl decided.

“… Maybe…” Maki conceded.

“Nico knows how much Maki-chan loves her cooking.”

Well, there really was no denying that fact.

“Did they have coffee in medieval times?” Maki inquired a moment later.

“No idea.” Nico admitted. “But I know Maki-chan can’t face the day without it, I figured just alluding to it without naming it might work.”

“I suppose…” Maki furrowed her brow. “Are you trying to scam or cheat me?”

Nico blinked in confusion until she saw the page. “Nico is a professional saleswoman!” She huffed. “She would never cheat a customer. She knows Maki-chan can afford better gear than your average novice adventurer and she knows what upgrades will be most beneficial.”

“Also, what’s a grue?”

“An excuse to force players to bring light sources, I guess.” Nico shrugged. “That’s one of those gamer jokes I mentioned.”

“And the gazebo?”

“Another joke.”

“I see. And why does Kotori have a lion?”

“She’s a Beastmaster.”

“Ok, but again, why a lion?”

“Because she had one in the original photoshoot.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, she did.” Maki’s memory was jogged a bit. “She was part of the focus pair, with Eli, right?”

Nico nodded. “And you were paired with Rin as the secondary.”

“Is that why I’m friends with her here?”

“Rin? Not really, I don’t think.” Nico shook her head. “I mean, yeah, you two are friends, but through Hanayo. I think they’ll appear in the next chapter and we’ll get to explore how you know each other better.”

Maki nodded and continued to read. “Say, why don’t you call the harpy what it is?”

“Because you don’t know what it is.”

“Yes, I do.” Maki furrowed her brow.

“I mean your character doesn’t”

“Why wouldn’t my fantasy character know what a harpy is when she lives in a fantasy world where they actually exist?”

“Because she was raised in the city and is only now becoming an adventurer.” Nico explained. “She’s not ignorant, she just knows stuff better suited for an urban life as opposed to someone out in the rural areas. Not much different than real life, right?”

“I suppose…” Maki reached the part she had seen earlier and frowned. Her girlfriend noticed and giggled. But upon seeing the next page, she sighed. “Ok, the glomping was one thing, but climbing into bed with you? After having barely known you a day?”

“Two days, I believe.” Nico pointed out, ignoring the deadpan stare directed at her. “And it’s because of the curse.”

“Yeah, but even under a love curse, there’s no way I would be like this.”

Nico smirked.

“What?”

“I should really record you drunk sometime.”

“I still…”

“Oh, c’mon, Maki-chan, I’ve even told you about your drunken clinginess before.”

“Mmm…”

“And your half-asleep clinginess.”

“…”

“And your…”

“Alright, alright, I get it…” Maki didn’t want to admit the memories that were swirling around in her head.

“I’ve always found it cute, by the way.” Nico pointed out.

“You’re not finding it cute here.”

Nico chuckled. “That’s because it isn’t real, it’s because you’re under an idol curse.”

“You mean a love curse.”

“An idol curse.”

Maki rolled her eyes. “Are you intentionally baiting me into making a snarky comment about idols?”

“Maybe.” Nico stuck out her tongue.

Maki sighed. “And let me guess, you’re going to have me be all embarrassed about it later.”

“Well that’s how Maki-chan is in real life. And a flustered Maki-chan is an adorable Maki-chan.”

As if on cue, Maki could feel heat in her cheeks. She really should be used to Nico’s teasing by now, but the older girl rarely failed to get a reaction out of her. And though she wasn’t fond of how predictable her reactions were, she couldn’t really fault Nico for seeking them. After all, Maki also loved Nico’s own flustered expressions.

“So,” Nico asked as the last page was reached “what did you think?”

“It was entertaining.” Maki admitted. “Was this posted online?”

“Not yet.” Nico shook her head. “She just sent this to me for approval. She hasn’t even posted it on her own site yet.”

“Hrm…”

Nico chuckled. “Don’t worry, anyone at the hospital who reads this kind of stuff will like it and won’t think you’re weird or anything.”

It never ceased to amaze Maki how well her girlfriend could read her.

“But we can keep it private if we want.” Nico added.

“No, it’s fine, I guess…” Maki decided. “And you said there was going to be another chapter?”

“Or Two. Or more. Depends on how many ideas we have.” Nico grinned. “Because you know we can’t leave things like this. We can’t let Maki-chan only love Nico because of a curse! It needs to be natural! Just like in real life.” She leaned over to nuzzle into her girlfriend’s side. “Although even if we’re trying to keep things realistic, we also can’t keep the readers waiting for years…”

Maki furrowed her brow as she realized what Nico meant. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know. I know” Nico interrupted, making dismissive motions with her free hand. “Maki-chan’s just a little romantically dense is all. And we figured things out eventually and got together and we’re all good now.” She turned her head and pushed herself up so she could plant a kiss on the redhead’s cheek.

“Uhm… You know it’s getting kind of late…” Maki said softly.

“Hmm?”

“Well, I have class in the morning and…”

Nico grinned. “Is Maki-chan hinting that she wants to climb into bed with Nico?”

“Maybe…”

Nico laughed. “Maki-chan is being unusually shy tonight. She has no trouble seducing Nico but is embarrassed to request a snuggle session?”

Maki pouted, earning more laughter.

“So, to bed it is.” Nico said, pushing herself up and off the couch. “But how about a bath first?” She turned to offer a hand to her girlfriend.

“Alright.” Maki agreed, accepting the help up before following Nico down the hall.

Author’s Notes Continued in Followup Post

[polyrolemodels]

Poly Role Models: Janet Bruesselbach

PolyRoleModels: Well Welcome to PolyRoleModels. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Janet Bruesselbach: Hi I’m Janet. I live in New York. I’m a 33 year old bisexual artist.

PolyRoleModels: Awesome! Uh So how long have you been polyamorous or how long you've been in practicing polyamory?

Janet Bruesselbach: I would say that I've been instinctively polyamory my entire- polyamorous my entire adult life but- but practicing actively since I was 21.

PolyRoleModels: Okay.

Janet Bruesselbach: And that was still not even all that like, well-organized. But when I hit 23 then it was sort of like “Okay you're single and now you can start to structure things the way it you want.”

PolyRoleModels: Yeah. I mean very few of us actually have it together at age 21. So yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah but it was- definitely something I knew that I- like I was not capable of exclusive relationships. I’ve always known that.

PolyRoleModels: Fair.

Janet Bruesselbach: It just took me a while to recognize that a default existed you know? I had to like deal with a default.

PolyRoleModels: Yes I understand that.

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah.

PolyRoleModels: So what does your relationship dynamic look?

Janet Bruesselbach: I have at the moment one primary. And have been somewhat lazy about dating for the past few years. It's been more like maybe just the motivation isn't there. Maybe I'm just getting older, right? But I have a few other partners. Some are romantic. Some are sexual. One is like long-distance romantic. Another is like primarily sexual and they all kind of have different dynamics. And I sometimes like my husband and I'd like date the same people, which is kind of exciting when it happens. But uhm it hasn't it hasn't gone as far in like multiple dynamics as- as it could.

PolyRoleModels: Fair enough. Well what aspect of polyamory do you feel you excel at?

Janet Bruesselbach: Probably communication and lowering drama as much as possible.

PolyRoleModels: Okay what aspect do you feel you struggle with?

Janet Bruesselbach: Uhm? I don't know I should have looked at other people's responses to this, because then I would have been like “Oh yeah obviously that.”

PolyRoleModels: Fair enough.

Janet Bruesselbach: Maybe maybe setting boundaries.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah?

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah I tend to not be great at sort of like defining how things are and- and so it's become something I'm just more conscious of. I'm also- there's just sometimes I’m more dismissive of people's feelings.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Than I should be. So that's yeah. I would also say that a positive thing that I like doing is this sort of matchmaking thing. And it's something that I realized that that I did, so it's like this feeling I get first was like if I'm- if I like somebody a lot, I start to think of all the other people that they would like.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: So it's like I'm projecting other people's desires and like try to like yeah, trying to expand the network in a way

PolyRoleModels: Well like how do you how do you address that- that and the boundaries? Like how do you feel like you overcome that?

Janet Bruesselbach: I tend to just put the brakes on myself a lot so that uh… And I- again I’m not- I don't have as many examples because I didn't sort of stay. I stay back when I'm not sure what to do, right.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah.

PolyRoleModels: In terms of risk aware or safe for sex how do you and your partners protect one another?

Janet Bruesselbach: So the primary and I are fluid bonded. So we don't really use anything with each other anymore.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Everyone else I with will sort of check in about what we've been- how often we've been tested and will always use like a condom or a- or a latex boundary. Gloves, etc.

PolyRoleModels: What is the worst mistake you've made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

Janet Bruesselbach: So that was the sort of like uh 21 to 23 difference.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: That was when I got into this like obsessive relationship with my boyfriend's friend. And this was like during a road trip so that we were all like sharing a car while it was happening. And so like after that, I realized that I was like emotionally involved with both of them and I like- I didn't want to have to choose, so we were just like okay this is our relationship but. The friend was not- was like very mono. And so I like let him kind of like push me into making decisions that I didn't feel like I needed to make. And like once we opened that relationship, like my boyfriend went and like dated around a little bit, and I was like a “Yay, great!” But like the whole thing was still just because I was like obsessed with this other guy so eventually… [inaudible] Like that friend and- and I both brok up with who we were with at the time in our like traditional hetero relationship stance. And then like tried to date long-distance and it didn't work, and part of why it didn't work was that I like still felt like I was being limited. And like what I needed was more experience at that point.

PolyRoleModels: I get that. I get that. And so what was like the take away? I had to rebound

Janet Bruesselbach: That I needed to be very clear early on that I was not going to be exclusive. That I- the levels of emotional attachment and like the boundaries that people wanted to set with me would be negotiated verbally from then on. It was also an element of like knowing that I couldn't necessarily be totally honest with everybody. Like communicating what I needed to communicate.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Because the long-term partner that I'd been with- what part of like the strength of our relationship was that we were always, always honest.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Like two a fault and so that strained from like the relationship with this friend. Like that was the thing where it was like I should not tell him everything that goes on in this other relationship. Because it's- it hurts both of them. But now- now that like- now that I sort of establish things better with my partners, like I have a lot of fun talking about intimate details. Or just like the relevant ones you know the ones that will turn people on.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah fair. So what self-identities are important to you and how do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects those identities?

Janet Bruesselbach: I'm not even sure if I call myself bi or pan at this point but that's- that's pretty important to me. Like definitely- like I have a lot more romantic feeling for women than I do for men but I tend to interact more sexually with men or just better sexually with men so there's- there's like this weird sort of structure to it.

PolyRoleModels: Right.

Janet Bruesselbach: There's like it's- it's not- it's not like I'm attracted to every person in the same way. I would say there aren't a lot of other like notable identities. Like I hate that- like I don't like that whiteness can be an identity but it’s kind of there. Because like a lot of my relationships are interracial and so like it comes up. It comes up a lot.

PolyRoleModels: Makes sense.

Janet Bruesselbach: I don't know. I'm Jewish, but I was raised atheist and my mom was very, very honest with me about like her sexual openness of her practices because she was engaged in BDSM, and my dad wasn't into it, so they had this arrangement.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah.

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah, so like I didn't grow up in a way where like things that I realize were normal were actually normal.

PolyRoleModels: Understood. Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc., that you're involved with that you'd like to promote?

Janet Bruesselbach: Well, the last big project that I'm the most proud of is Daughters of Mercury; that was a few years to go and I’ve sort of like closed it because I made so many paintings and then like kind of sent them out to everybody. And also because like I wanted to limit how like as a cis-woman, I was using trans women. Like I’m very like- like that is such a like strong community that I feel like I've been privileged to watch, and to like be involved with. And so yeah like that's it's a- it's a series of life-sized, full-length portraits of trans women, or like trans femme. Like some are non-binary. And like most of them are some of them are partners or were partners, and some of them were just people that I like really admire and like. All of them, I just like loved them and thought they were beautiful, and wanted to give them money and attention, and like share their work. Um so, and at the same time I was trying to get like a nice sort of like diversity of personalities in that.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah I definitely understand that with my own work that being the same way.

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah, my more recent portraits of just I've just sort of been like doing smaller ones, but it's a bit more- it's sort of intersectionally interesting because the point of it is to try and paint people who would never think to commission a portrait, but who like I see just being like beautiful people every day. And so like many of them were struggling with like mental or physical disabilities. Many are in marginalized populations. There's a lot of like interestingly gendered people. So like well it's really just like my friend network right, but it's also like you know people who are- who are having to struggle in America today.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah I think I understand. I think I understand. Alright well thank you so much for taking the time and being a part of PolyRoleModels.

Janet Bruesselbach: Thank you Kevin. You’re doing- you’re doing wonderful work. And I apologize, I’m a little bit boring, but um…

PolyRoleModels: I don’t think you are.

Janet Bruesselbach: Now you know you're inspiring need to like be more active in this community so…

PolyRoleModels: Awesome. I'm always that when- anytime any of my work impacts anybody else's work so thank you for saying that.

Janet Bruesselbach: Thank you.

PolyRoleModels: Have a good night.

Janet Bruesselbach: Yeah you too.

—

Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at  https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

[mysticsparklewings]

2018 Art Summary!

I've never done one of these before because usually, I don't even have to look to know I'll have several months left blank, as I have a bad habit of finishing things and either just waiting to post them or uploading things in bulk. This time though, I felt more confident about having a piece for every month...Turns out somehow I lost February in terms of art-making . Oh well, 11/12 ain't bad. (And I'm very positive I drew something in February, but evidently, I didn't think to post it. Which is weird because February usually isn't that busy for me ) Also, I think I'm a few days late to the party on these, but whatever. And now for a short description and links to each artwork so you can understand & see them better. January: Coraline One of my earlier attempts at just straight fan-art from one of my favorite movies. I'm still really happy with how it turned out, almost a year later February: Surprisingly, nothing! (Seriously, I have no idea what happened to February...) March: Killjoys, Make Some Noise! The first piece of My Chemical Romance fan-art I ever made.  Poor me and poor them, they look a wee bit feminine, but I'm working on getting better at that. Maybe this year I'll take the time to color the line art to honor the anniversary again--we'll see! (I put this one in sideways because I couldn't size/crop it to fit the other way to my own satisfaction) April: Ivy Enchantix 2018! You know, I would've thought if there was any month I had no art posts, it would've been April. There was Spring Break and Easter, school stuff including taking a trip to New York...And yet it seems April was actually one of my busier months, considering what all I had to pick from. But it was really no contest of which one to pick as my favorite. While I definitely only rarely make Winx art anymore, when I do there's a lot of heart and soul poured into every piece, to the point there isn't much I can find fault with. This may not have been the "grand return" I was hoping for, but it stands as a reminder that I'm not ready to fully let Winx Club go anytime soon. May: Watercolor Stars The tail end of May 2018 marked a big milestone I almost never thought I'd see; My first display drawing tablet, a Wacom Cintiq that I stalked eBay for months (possibly even years) to finally get my hands on. This was also the first time I actively revisited my Mini Magnet Challenge from the year prior, using one of my favorite poems as inspiration for the first piece of art made with the tablet. Looking back on it now, I really am in love with the overall atmosphere. June: The Sandman This month proved to be a busy one, and I have to say honorable mentions go to my Art Style Challenge and The World is Ugly, the second piece of MCR fan-art I made. But ultimately I went with this one because I'm still obsessed with Mr. Sandman's unique character design and for as simple and quick as the image was, it's honestly one of my most favorite pieces I think I've ever made. (I even have it posted as a Portfolio piece on my website). The other two are great and easily tied for close seconds, but they don't haunt me the same way this one does. July: One Little Spark Early July was time for my family's annual theme-park vacation, specifically to Walt Disney World.  After we got back, I had that feeling I usually do about being just so inspired by everything we saw and did, but not really knowing what to do with it. Every year I want to do a small series for every day we're at the parks, but I never have the time or means to do so. So an obscure crossover of Figment from Journey Into Imagination at Epcot and Animal Crossing: New Leaf was my compromise for 2018.  I still think it's adorable and though it is ridiculously unlikely, I have to say I would absolutely love to see Figment appear in an Animal Crossing game someday now. August: Grav3yardGirl Once again, August had a few different options but ended up being a no-contest. This is the first piece of fan-art I ever made of my favorite Youtuber, Grav3yardGirl , made and posted at basically the last minute for her birthday on August 3rd.  I'm not sure she ever saw it or knows it exists, but there's always next year! I do still think it turned out really cute for how much of a rush I was in to complete it. Also, someone needs to remind me to use that parchment paper in my artwork more often... September: Marco Renoir Colored Pencil Test This month was relatively calm with only a few art pieces to choose from. I went with my test piece for the Marco Renoir pencils because I do still really love how it looks and also because it sort of marked the beginning of my hunt for colored pencils and would eventually lead me to pick up a few other specific brands. Plus doing all these test pieces ends up boosting my colored pencil skills overall.  This also marked the beginning of me using galaxy/sky pictures to test colored pencils, which has proven pretty effective, I think. October: Outfit of The Day This was my busiest October art-wise in a while, I think. For once I wasn't competing with art/theatre classes that demanded a ton of my extra attention, and this was also the first time I was super committed to seeing Inktober through to the end. And admittedly my Inktober 2018: Wrap Up! picture was very close to getting this spot, but I ultimately decided against it since I would be really hard to tell what it actually is and that seemed like cheating since I'm not sure I could pick a favorite Inktober piece anyway . So I went with my first-ever Outfit-Of-the-Day drawing instead. I am still really thrilled with it and it was one my first real holiday-specific pieces I made also. I was also rushing to get this one done, and I still think it came out really good, all things considered. November: Why, Curious Butterflies! This one was honestly the hardest to pick because this was easily the busiest November I think I have ever had art-wise. For at least four years prior I always had a ton of theatre stuff to do, but not in 2018. (Don't get me wrong, I really miss that class but it was definitely a big commitment). In the end, I went with the picture that makes me the happiest; this little fan-art inspired by a purse I had just gotten IRL. It's cute and its mixed-media, which I am increasingly convinced is where my artistic talent really shines brightest. December: The Nutcracker Oddly enough, this feels like the sparsest December I've had for art in a while because I think before Winter Break was like my main comeback after months of having to put stuff off. I may not have made that many art pieces this December, but the ones I did were pretty elaborate/in-depth for me. I went with my Nutcracker girl since it's a concept I've been wanting to play with for a while now, and once again this was a mixed media piece that I think really showcases my skills. And it's also one of the first real like Christmas-y drawings I've made. I also spent a good chunk of this month acquiring new art supplies to play with . All in all, I look back and I'm pretty happy with what I've accomplished art-wise is 2018. It was a year of experimenting and milestones, and I think I'm in a much better place as an artist now than I was a year ago. Lord knows my journey is not over yet, but I like where I am so far. Art Goals for 2019: Keep experimenting, maybe learn to draw faster, post more consistently; and most importantly, keep striving to be better. ____ Template (c) DustBunnyThumper Artworks (c) me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[elliotwarren]

🎊 happy birthday gabriel adams! 🎊 

It was always his eyes that people noticed first. Well. That was a lie. If they got past his skin color, the way his fingers dug into his arms, the soft whispers to invisible things, it was his eyes. Silver, Meg always said, making him sound something special. Gabriel let a smile tweak his features and brushed dark, messy hair off his forehead. That was just as pointless as correcting Meg. 

all art pictured was commissioned by me and are not free to use. feel free to dm me for specific credits. 

I’m about to unpack a lot of shit and get way more intimate with everyone on this blog than I have previously, so I hope you’re mentally prepared for this. It’s going to be a hard read, but I’ve been wanting to talk about this stuff for a long time. 

so almost every year I try to talk about my oldest character, Gabriel. This year, I wanted to dig a little deeper, and address myself as a writer. Within the last couple of years, I’ve had to own up to some shit with this character. I was a bad writer.

“No, Elliot, you weren’t bad! You were just - “

No folks, I’m not discussing my skill as a writer. I’m specifically addressing my treatment of people, representation, and stereotypes.

I was a shitty person.

cw for ableism, discussion of own health, suicide mention, drug use in a fictional character, and general shitty handling of mental illness. 

I’m not super positive Gabriel started as Gabriel. The earliest I remember him was a novel I wrote my Freshman year - in 2006ish. I think I vaguely remember him existing as a something earlier on in middle school, but nothing concrete until later. My first ever novel! It was exactly 100 pages, front and back, written in black pen. It was a blatant rip off of an Anne Rice novel where vampires took over a city and killed and ate them in their court. I don’t even remember if that was actually the plot, but I do remember it being Anne Rice inspired, which is a whole other problem altogether. Towards the end of the novel, I asked my friends in choir class to check off next to character names to decide who died. 

I think 3 out of 45 characters made it out alive. Also there were 45 characters. Many of them had scenes from their POV. Yeah. 

Gabriel wasn’t the protagonist then, and he rarely has been until the last handful of years. He was just an edgy probably vampire guy who appeared at random with cryptic warnings, who periodically would get the protagonist out of trouble while also existing as a side antagonist. He did survive - although barely. 

Later, I had the super unique wild idea to make him ‘crazy’. I took to roleplay forums, where other teenagers I barely knew told me that my writing was good and my character was interesting, and I plagued them with my edgy, cool, sometimes serial killer character that all the girls were into. Sometimes the guys, which I was cool with - after all, I had a lesbian couple as a friend in high school. You know, I was tolerant. 

Made you uncomfortable yet? Me too. 

Gabriel was the troubled white boy who heard voices and saw ghosts, somehow got by as a homeless teenager, and sometimes he killed people but it was definitely not his fault. He went on to win character of the month on a forum based around experimental testing inside an asylum. I was ecstatic. I took him everywhere, and people loved him. Not one person called me out. Not a one. 

My freshman year of college, I joined a group on deviantart, where talented artists I’d admired from a distance were glad to have a rare writer, and after making a nervous start with another character I stepped in with Gabriel. The group was entirely based around the story line, as well as critique and self-improvement. I was ecstatic. 

With the assistance of a roleplay partner - now my roommate - I went on to finish my first novel in years, with Gabriel as one of two protagonists. I still have it, somewhere, printed out in a binder. Pretty sure I left it at a friend’s house. It featured Gabe, and my roommate’s character, after Gabriel ‘accidentally’ almost killed her because of the voices and kidnapped her to his apartment in an attempt to fix his mistake. The novel ended with Gabriel realizing he was an idiot, and heavily implied that he killed himself via morphine, which he was also somewhat addicted to for no apparent reason.

At some point in the mess, I down spiraled. I was upset and miserable and something in my brain finally cracked. I’d been dealing for years what I later learned to be chemical depression, but a specific event in my life caused a complete and total meltdown. I stopped writing. I was constantly making posts to tumblr rather than talking to anyone about how I wanted to kill myself. I stopped going to class, stopped seeing people, and my roommate at the time heard me crying at night more than once. I was completely devastated, and I will never forgive that person. 

Later, I made a bigger mistake and lost someone very close to me. In the last couple of years I’ve come to terms that I was definitely in love with her. I can never repair that damage. I snapped, for awhile, and became obsessive and gross and just a really shitty person. 

I eventually realized college and the situations were killing me, and after 4 and a half years - so close to graduating, everyone said, not realizing I’d failed most of my classes - I made the decision to drop. I moved in with my old college roommate, bummed around their house, and intended to go back to work at a summer camp like I did every year. Except I got fired, for essentially being too old and likely for budget reasons, as I made more than everyone else there. 

Obviously this was really good for my mental health.

Somewhere during the mess I started taking a look at self improvement, and turned back to writing. More specifically, what I was doing wrong. The more I wrote the more I started looking into developing Gabriel as a character, with an actual background I wasn’t making up to seem edgy as I hopped from forum to forum, and I started looking into how to write him accurately.

And I mourned all that time and all the damage I did and how many people who probably silently put up with my shit. 

I spent years writing Gabriel as this deranged, unhinged being who hurt other people. Now I try to make up for it - I spend extensive time reading articles on mental illness, specific case studies, listening to interviews and doing my best to soak up every little detail I can. 

Gabriel is schizophrenic, primarily experiencing mild visual hallucinations and occasional auditory hallucinations, typically in times of stress. He does not kill people - if he does, it has nothing to do with his mental health and more to do with that, once again, Gabriel is a vampire. Like me, he copes with depression and anxiety, born of a situation. I shifted Gabriel from being a shitty, ‘crazy’ white boy to a nervous, wary young man dealing with some shit that no one should have to deal with. I researched therapy, and coping mechanisms, and even found some that help me with my issues. I created Jamie, Gabriel’s psychiatrist and friend. I decided to cut some of the mayo out of my work and made Gabriel’s mother an immigrant from Mexico, and it’s been worth it! I get to research a fascinating, fun culture, and it has improved Gabriel as a character to have a culture. 

I realized, at some point, that I’m asexual - and Gabriel is too. I’ve put a lot of myself into him. It’s been therapeutic, and I feel better about Gabriel as a character. 

There’s been a lot of change over the years. Gabriel is an entirely different person, and it has greatly affected and I think improved my writing. More than anything, it has changed my outlook on everything, and I hope that some day I can some how make up for all the damage I did with presenting him the way I did. People with schizophrenia are no more likely to hurt or kill someone than anyone else, and many if not most serial killers are just shitty entitled white people. Like me. 

It’s been a long time - at least 12 years, if not more. I’ve changed a lot. Gabriel has too. I hope that the next 12 years let me finally finish telling a story about him, and that the world as a whole stop tip toeing around mental illness. I wish someone had told me 12 years ago that making someone ‘crazy’ wasn’t cool or neat or unique, and that I was a super toxic, harmful person. 

I’m never going to be writing a story about what it’s like to live and cope with mental illness. While I deal with it, it’s not really my story to tell. I’m never going to tell a tale about what it’s like to be the son of a Mexican immigrant in shitty white america. That’s not my job either. I might tell the story of being a queer asexual, because that definitely applies to me. But Gabriel is a vivid person to me, and I’m glad I’ve learned proper representation. I’m sure I’ll still make mistakes, and I keep waiting for someone to call me out on something. I wish someone had. I wish someone had said, hey, if your protagonist is also the villain and the only mentally ill person in the story, you’re a bad writer and you should feel bad.

That’s your personal call out, if it applies. I hope not. 

Don’t be afraid of representation of the ‘touchy’ subjects. But do right by them. Talk to people from those situations, read stories by people from those situations whether it’s relevant or not, watch interviews, see movies. If you can’t do right by a culture or an illness or a person, that’s okay. But take a step back, work hard, and just go for it. Don’t be afraid to ask for opinions, critique, help. 

Please. Learn from your mistakes. 

I talked a whole fucking lot and if you read all of it, you’re a star. Good night.

[jimonies]

a message to you

I just had my university orientation a couple of days ago, a two day overnight stay filled with what you can imagine a lot of new people and embarrassing ice breakers. Overall, it was a pretty fun experience but what I really want to express to you guys were a couple eye opening experiences. 

For our session, we had been divided into groups based off ours majors. For some reason, they had messed up with my major and accidentally placed me in the humanities group. When I tried fixing it, they had told me I was going to have to wait until the second day to change so alas, the rest of that day I remained with my group. During our lunch break while we were waiting for our next activity, a boy from my group came over and sat next to me. Bored, I pulled out my phone/stylus and began to sketch. It wasn’t until I was on my second layer that the boy spoke up. 

“Did you draw that all yourself?” he had asked, eyes wide and a shy small smile on his lips. I was a bit embarrassed as truthfully, my sketch was a bit sloppy and I wasn’t really used to sharing my art. 

“Yeah,” I admitted, sliding the phone over to show him. “It’s nothing really.” 

He shook his head. “You’re too modest. I overheard earlier that you were placed in the wrong group. Are you an art major?”

At that I had laughed a bit, flattered. “No, I wish though. You can probably guess but it’s hard to get a job in that kind of industry. I’m pre-med,” I confessed. 

“But you’re really good. Have you ever thought about commissioning your work? Maybe posting on Tumblr? I think you would be really popular.” 

Again I couldn’t help but laugh a bit, not with malice but utterly flattered. “I actually do have a Tumblr,” I admitted. “I post here and there but I don’t think I’d ever sell my work. It’s not that good so I doubt people would buy it.” 

He frowned at me, standing up as our group was being called for our activity. “Don’t sell yourself short. I’ve only seen you there for fifteen minutes and you had me convinced to buy your work.”

He walked away. 

I guess growing up, I never really gave thought to the fact that I’m somewhat more artistic than the average person. No way saying I’m amazing or this prodigal genius or being conceited but I can definitely draw more than just a stick figure. My friends didn’t really see it as a big thing either, more as leverage to when we had group projects and they would make me do all the diagrams and decorating. My art, my writing, my creativity has always just personal and from the few times I’ve tried sharing, I always received lax responses. There’s always someone who can do it better so I never really had the drive to put it out there. 

But it wasn’t until this moment that I realized that I honed something special. This guy doesn’t know me, had never spoken to me before. and here he was left impressed-so much he thought I was an art major. Do you know how freaking honored I felt? That someone that I was that good. I grew thinking my work was shit, mediocre at best. 

I sat at that table for a couple of more minutes, really confused. Had I really been doubting myself all this time or was this guy just really nice?

One of the last activities we had to do for the day involved exercise games like dodgeball and racing and bean bag throwing. Let me tell you, it had been scorching hot that day so at that point, cute was the last thing I was thinking of. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, prepared to be running around. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Okay? You’re throwing your hair up? Like a reasonable person would do? So? 

I grew up with a best friend, who not until recently, I realized was very toxic. She loathed the idea of me putting my hair into a messy bun. 

You look fat with your hair like that.

Rachet.  

It looks so disgusting. Put your hair down. 

Don’t talk to me when you look like that. 

Why would you put up with that you’re thinking, well she would smile and laugh, convincing me that best friends don’t let best friends look bad like that. It was annoying and so I just learned to keep my hair down around her. (You don’t realize you’re in toxic relationship until someone points it out, and it wasn’t just things like that. There’s so much more but that’s for another post I’ll write about another day when I’m ready.)  

I’ll admit, I was a bit scared because even though I knew her words were out of malice, after hearing them so many times I began to wonder if they were the truth. I began to worry and quickly my hand flew up to my head ready to pull the hair tie out. 

“Oh my God, your bun is so cute how did you do that?” 

I froze. Another girl from my group came over and smiled at me. “Can you put my hair up like that too? You made it look so easy and I can never get my hair to do that!” 

Another girl. And then another. By the end, I had shown four girls how to do it. 

There was one point where we had to sit in a lecture. Waiting for it to begin, one of the girls asked me for my Instagram. She scrolled through my feed. 

“Wow, your feed is so pretty. These pictures are so cohesive and professional looking!” 

I stared at her in awe. If you were to look at the comments on my Instagram, they’re filled with condescending comments of “this is not tumblr” and “why did you post that?” 

I love photography. I consider myself an amateur photographer. In my sophomore year I won a photography award from the county in architecture. My  friends laughed because really? Architect? That’s so stupid. I had stopped posting on Instagram for a while. 

She liked every post.

At dinner, I made friends with one of the girls who asked me to do their bun. As casual as ever, she asked me if I watched anime. For a second, I hesitated. 

During high school, I never shared the fact that I was freaking obsessed with anime or kdramas or that I even had a Tumblr. People were cruel, they would make fun of you, expose you, turn something so simple into a shame. I had tried to confide in my best friend, the same one who hated my bun, and she had laughed at me. Every time we hung out with new people, she brought it up only to embarrass me in front of everyone. I vowed never to share that part of me with anyone else-no matter how much I loved it. 

But this girl, she didn’t know me and she had asked right? 

So I tried to be brave and I told her yes. 

We talked about how Haikyuu!! was one of the best sports animes in the world and Oikawa was beautiful for hours.  

It sounds stupid, I know. But I grew up letting high school define me, my friends define me. It was ground breaking. I had convinced myself not to do things just because people didn’t like them. I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that don’t let people break you down. Don’t hide yourself because what one person might find weird another might find beautiful. I didn’t realize that for many years, I was surrounded by close minded people and it wasn’t my fault. I shouldn’t be ashamed of the things I like. 

Please please please don’t be apologetic for who you are. 

You are beautiful. You are worth it.  

[philosopherking1887]

Is Nietzsche your favorite philosopher? And if so why? If not, who is your favorite and why? Please keep in mind that I am not that familiar with philosophy and I may not know/understand all philosophies. Last I would like to let you know that I always enjoy seeing you on my dash and to read your fanfics. (English is not my native language, please excuse any mistakes)

Hi, thank you so much for reading! Yes, as it’s probably pretty easy to guess from my fics, Nietzsche is my favorite philosopher. For perspective: out of 19 fics on AO3, 7 of them have quotations from Nietzsche -- fairly extensive quotations in 3 of them -- and the titles of 4 are furnished by Nietzsche quotes.

He is extremely quotable, but with the exception of the one about abyss-gazing, I try to stick to lesser-known Nietzsche quotes, because those are the ones that have significance to me. And I like to show people a different side of Nietzsche -- not all grouchy and misanthropic and Ubermensch-obsessed (seriously, that concept only shows up in one of his books), but playful, poetic, psychologically insightful, and bitingly funny. I think I was first attracted to Nietzsche for three primary reasons -- OK, if I’m honest, four:

1) His writing is gorgeous. It can be hard to capture the distinctive pace and rhythm of it in translation, but Walter Kaufmann does an incredible job. Kaufmann did the standard English translations of Nietzsche’s later works -- The Gay Science, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Beyond Good and Evil, On the Genealogy of Morality, Twilight of the Idols, The Antichrist, Ecce Homo -- as well as his first book, The Birth of Tragedy. If you want to read any of those, definitely go for the Kaufmann translation -- and fortunately, it’s likely to be cheaper than any of the crappy re-translations commissioned by academic presses. Those were the first Nietzsche books I was exposed to, before I could read German; and now that I can knowledgeably compare the translation to the original text, it just makes me all the more impressed with how Kaufmann was able to translate the style and affect -- the beauty of the language, the heady rush of words, the spark of wicked fun -- as well as the meaning. (The R.D. Hollinger translations of the middle works, Untimely Meditations, Human, All-Too-Human, and Daybreak, are fine, but a little plodding in comparison.)

2) He presents a challenge. There’s a stereotype about Nietzsche out there, and about the kind of people who are drawn to him: angry adolescent white boys, convinced of their own superiority and indignant that other people can’t see it. It’s entirely his sister’s fault that the Nazis made use of him; she and her husband tried to found an Aryan colony in South America, it failed, he committed suicide, and she came back and took over the “care” of her brother and management of his literary legacy after he collapsed. Nietzsche fucking hated his brother-in-law (as he made clear in letters to friends) and loves to shit on antisemites in his writing. But his sister papered over that and instead drew out the themes that would appeal to white supremacists when taken out of context. And it’s true that Nietzsche says some pretty troubling stuff about how the morality of pity has held back the stronger and healthier individuals, forcing them to forsake their own projects in order to care for the weak and sick of society. It’s not always clear exactly what he means; his beautiful style makes his work deceptively easy to read, but it can leave you scratching your head over exactly what he’s trying to get across, especially when he seems to contradict himself. So it’s a challenge for interpreters to make it all hang together, and to pull what’s actually in the text apart from the connotations that have been built up around it by history and preconception.

3) A lot of what he says just seems right. I’m writing my dissertation about his views on science, which, in a nutshell, are these: Science is really great at some things -- namely, observing the world very carefully and figuring out which events are consistently correlated, and thence predicting future experience and allowing us to manipulate the world in certain ways. Science has also succeeded in making traditional religious beliefs look really implausible. BUT science cannot replace religion, because it can’t provide ultimate aims or meaning in life: it can’t tell us what we should want and why, and it’s not good at interpreting the human meaning and value of things. Scientists should stay in their box and let other people -- whom he calls “philosophers,” but think of visionaries and quasi-religious leaders rather than academic philosophers -- try to come up with ideals that can fill the role vacated by religion. His views on our limitations as knowers, given that our sensory and cognitive capacities developed to help us survive, not to get to The Truth of the universe, also just seem right to me. I love his ideas about using art to make life bearable, redeeming suffering through art, artistically shaping your life into a story you can affirm. Some of his criticisms of altruistic morality hit home, too. There’s a lot of good stuff in there, once you can figure out how to read him.

4) The professor from whom I learned college in Nietzsche was really hot. And he paid attention to me; he was the one who noticed me in the first philosophy class I took and decided to wage a covert campaign to convert me from linguistics to philosophy. It worked.