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cutieodonoghue · 4 years

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dark gray (1/?)

summary: Killian Jones operates a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere, preferring a life of isolation, until one day a woman and a baby wash up on his little island and change his life forever.

read it on: ao3, ff.net

a/n: Hi! I know what you’re thinking… I’ve seen this story before, haven’t I? Yes. Yes you have. (Though, if you’re new to this story, hello and welcome, please enjoy!)

I deleted it a while ago thinking it wasn’t fair to leave it up unfinished if I had no plans to continue writing. But, literally out of the blue the other day, inspiration hit me and I was able to actually finish it! Can you believe it? I can’t.

So, rather than keeping it for myself and my own enjoyment, I thought I’d share with anyone who still wanted to see how this tale ends. I know it had a bit of a following and I still get questions about it to this day.

As an added benefit of this reposting, I’ve made some grammatical changes (because sometimes you re-read and you go, wow yikes I messed that up lol) and added some extra bits here and there to add some color and zing. May as well, right?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! And I swear it’s going to be finished this time. I have an actual ending written and ready to publish!

If you just want to read the new parts, tune back in for chapters 14 and onward :)

Love you friends! <3

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One

He slams the front door closed and it squeaks on its hinges, swinging and clattering against its cracked and broken frame.

He shoves his fist into his jacket pocket, straightening his gaze ahead of him with a white huff of his breath in the frigid air to mingle with the fog that has descended onto the island.

His boots crunch on the rocks as he carries himself onward and he takes note of all the things he has in store for his day. It isn't much, never is, and he curses his sailor's blood for the ungodly hours.

The ground is still damp from last night's storm and the air still smells of it. It had been an unruly thing, the storm, and he'd woken several times at the sound of lightning spiking nearby.

As he walks toward the lighthouse, he shifts his gaze to the ocean that's lapping up against the shore nearby. The water sprays at him and he grits his teeth, breathing in salty gusts of air through his nose.

He narrows his eyes, stopping dead in his tracks the instant he notices a lump lying at the shore, the foaming water washing over every few moments.

The blood drains from his face and his heart begins to pound just a little bit faster, a throbbing beginning to sound in his ears.

He stares for a moment longer, then shifts his gaze a little further up the shore to a brown basket nestled in seaweed and wet sand.

Curiouser and curiouser.

His brow furrows slightly and he pulls his hand free from his jacket so he can comb through his hair nervously.

He starts for the two washed up mysteries quickly, breaths coming out in nervous, shaking huffs, and when he reaches the blue lump, he kneels down beside it.

It's a woman.

She appears to be a few years his junior with sopping wet blonde hair and fair skin. When he examines her, she's breathing, but she's passed out cold. There’s blood oozing from a wound in her forehead and he's sure something's wrong with her leg, because it's twisted obscurely.

He winces a little, unsure of what to do. He's about to stand and lift her over his shoulder to help her when a high-pitched squeaking and crying emanates from a little further down the beach in the brown basket.

He can hardly hear the ocean now with how loudly his heart races in his ears.

He rises slowly, cursing under his breath as he makes his way toward it.

"Bloody hell," he mutters, looking down at the basket.

There is a baby, not a small baby, but a baby nonetheless, lying inside, wrapped tight in a blanket, squirming and crying. It's cheeks are red and it looks absolutely miserable.

He can't blame him. A day like today leaves much to be desired.

Killian Jones crouches down beside the child and holds out his arms, glaring briefly at his hook for a left hand, then, with a shake of his head, he reaches in and carefully lifts the child into the crook of his arm.

Having never held a screaming baby before in his entire life, he hasn't a clue of what to do. He bites down on his tongue and grimaces.

"Quiet down," he tries, "You'll get nowhere crying like that."

The child, miraculously, stops.

Killian sighs. "Let's get you inside then. Can't have you out to freeze, hm?"

He stands again, reaching down for the basket with his hand before turning to trudge back to his residence. Worry fills him from head to toe as he looks at the woman again.

Since she's out of it, she can wait until he's settled the child down. He thinks he knows better than to leave such a small human being out in the cold of the morning with no nourishment or comfort.

The baby squirms in his hold and he winces again in fear, because it isn't as if he has a firm hold on the fragile being. He finds his pace quickening almost instinctively.

Killian pulls the door open with his index finger and it slams behind him loud enough that it makes the child cry again. He starts hushing it as he sets the basket on the table in his kitchen, knocking over a bottle of beer from last night in the process.

He doesn't bother to clean up his mess, deciding to take the child into the small living room off of the kitchen where he builds a cradle of sorts out of blankets and pillows he can find.

He settles the fussing child down into the center of the mess and goes to stoke at the fire that's dying out in the fireplace. While it's warming up, he goes into the kitchen for milk.

He thinks that's what babies eat, right?

He isn't sure if it should be cold or warm and hesitates with the milk glass for a few moments, struggling to even find something to use that will fit in the child’s mouth. He decides on using a cleaned beer bottle for the time being and warms up the milk in the microwave before pouring it into the bottle and carrying it into the living room.

"Here we are," he says gruffly, setting himself down next to the lump in his couch. He awkwardly shifts the baby and uses his thumb to cut off the flow as he settles the lip against the child's mouth. "In we go. You're hungry, aye?"

It takes a few moments and some of the milk dribbles out on the baby's chin, but eventually, all of the milk goes straight into the hungry child's stomach, the baby's eyes falling closed as it continues to suckle.

Killian figures he'll have to find something to use as diaper cloths. He'll do that after bringing the woman inside.

It's a mystery to him how two people could wash up on his island.

It isn’t as if he’s in a highly trafficked area. It's not even in a shipping lane. In fact, ships rarely come along- only for his monthly supplies.

After the boy finishes the milk, Killian puts the beer bottle on the floor and looks down at the child with a furrowed brow.

He hasn't spent nearly enough time around children to know what to do with him now that he's eaten, and Killian sighs as he decides to strip him of the damp blanket and outfit he's sporting.

Killian tucks the boy into the pillows and blankets again, covering him up so he thinks he's warm, and then carries the wet and cold items over to the fire, hanging them to dry.

With one final check on the sleepy child, he nods to himself and zips up his coat to go grab the mystery woman.

He isn't a horrible man. He likes to think himself rather good on his better days. But he isn't a man who enjoys the company of others. In fact, one of the reasons he's still on this island is because he can't stand himself around others.

He can't trust himself around others.

Killian takes a sharp breath of the cold air and lets it back out of his nose, eyes set determinedly on the blue and yellow lump on the shore.

When he reaches her, he sighs, balling up his hand tightly into a fist before leaning down to scoop her up and onto his shoulder. He's careful with his hook and he grunts a bit when her weight is added to him. She's not very heavy, but he's not used to carrying much weight, so he is quick when he makes his way back to his home.

He moves with expertise through the small residence to his bedroom, the only bedroom, and settles her down on his bed.

She's absolutely soaked to the bone and incredibly cold to the touch. Her blonde hair fans around her head, some of the strands sticking to her peaceful cheeks and forehead.

She's still blissfully unaware of anything that's happened, so Killian hesitates for a moment longer before deciding to start the fire in his room.

As soon as the flames breathe warmth into the small room, he goes to the trunk at the foot of the bed and pulls out blankets to cover her with.

He decides that he should take her dress off to try to avoid hypothermia, so he takes a deep breath, leaves the blankets at her feet, and sets to peeling the wet article from her flesh.

Luckily for him, she's out enough that she doesn't wake as he's taking her britches off, and he purposefully covers her with blankets before he goes to find her something of his to wear in place of her dress while it dries.

Carefully, Killian puts a long sleeved shirt over her top and a pair of loose-fitting pants over her bottom, then slides a pair of socks over her feet and covers her with three blankets, ensuring her entire body is tucked safely and securely beneath them.

Her teeth have begun chattering, a new development that’s somewhat assuring.

In the process of slipping the pants on, he'd noticed bruising around her right knee and his thoughts easily drift to wondering what could've happened to her, but he can't know until she wakes, so he stores his curiosity and continues to ensure she's sufficiently warmed.

He figures he'll have to tend to her wounds later when she's awake and can tell him more and decides to go check on the child instead while she sleeps.

Killian leaves his bedroom after draping the woman's clothes over the fire to dry. His boots clump along the hardwood floor noisily and he sighs as he settles onto the couch beside the sleeping babe.

If there was anything he'd imagined his day as being like, it wasn't this.

He was supposed to check on the lightbulbs and make note of what needed fixing after the storm, get started on the list, and then drink himself to sleep after a supper of whatever he might scrounge up.

He isn't sure he can just leave the child and the woman here, not when they might wake up at any moment, so he watches the tiny being as he breathes before nodding in affirmation and carrying the tentative baby bottle into the kitchen.

Killian goes about fixing a stew from what he's got in the pantry and figures a way to feed the child with things in his cabinets.

He's sure the woman will be quick to mother him. Perhaps the child belongs to her- he isn't sure.

And anyway, he won't be stuck with them for very long. Just four weeks before the supply ship comes and he'll send them out and away from him again. He'll just have to deal with them in the meanwhile.

He settles back against the cabinets as the stew cooks on the stove, thinking about what he'll do about sleeping arrangements for the coming few weeks, when he hears the child erupt into a screaming cry.

He springs to work, grabbing the already heated milk from the stovetop and bringing the new bottle with him so he can comfort the infant if it's what it needs.

Killian sits beside the lump of blankets and pillows and lifts the child, whose fussing comes to hiccups as he settles him into his arms.

He frowns at the baby. "'s that all?"

He doesn't enjoy holding the child. It's awkward and uncomfortable and it reminds him all too much of a past he'd very much like to forget, so he sets the boy down again and is greeted by his wails once more.

He growls a little, shaking his head.

"You don't understand," Killian says sternly. "I can't hold you."

For a moment, they're sitting there in a stare-off of sorts, and Killian locks his jaw, shaking his head again before opening his mouth to reprimand the shrieking child when his bedroom door opens.

His gaze shifts immediately to the woman, who looks pale and sickly, leaning against the door jamb with all of her weight.

He stands, holding his arms out as she staggers a little.

She swallows and opens her mouth, looking down at the screaming bundle of flailing limbs on the couch.

Killian hastily lifts the boy into his hold to quiet him again and it works. It's overwhelming to hear his cries, to say the least, and when he moves to go to her, she follows him with her emerald eyes.

"Where am I?" she asks, voice wavering.

He shakes his head. "Don't worry yourself with that. You need to get back into bed."

Killian sets the child down with a wince of anticipation, receiving what he prepared for when the child bursts out in upset. He herds the woman back into the room and watches her cautiously as she limps back to the bed.

She groans and pain creases her forehead when she lies back down. "I heard... crying."

He nods and somehow tucks her back in under the blankets.

"Aye. Apologies. The child appears to have quite the set of lungs." She blinks a few times and he finds himself without words. "Is he… um, yours?"

The woman shakes her head, wincing a little. "No."

Killian runs his eyes down to the base of the bed and shakes his head again, a sigh slipping from his lips at the development. He looks back to her face.

"I'm Emma."

Killian hesitates, shifting a bit on his feet while he examines her sick face. He doesn't know what to do about her. She's clearly running a fever and it's not like he can force her to rest if she doesn't want to.

"Emma, why don't you get some sleep? You don't look well."

She scoffs, closing her eyes. "There was a storm and I fell from the top deck of the ship. I think I broke my leg."

She winces, then reaches down to pull the blankets away.

Bloody maddening woman.

She examines the leg with pain written in her features and he mentally groans, because he certainly is no doctor and she's stranded here with him for another few weeks.

"I could... try and set it," he tells her quietly. Her gaze flits over to him and he sees apprehension in those solid green eyes. "I set many bones in my time in the navy."

She studies him for a second before falling back with a loud sigh.

"Fine."

He eyes her warily, unmoving.

From the other room, the child is still screeching and sobbing and it's making his blood boil angrily, because he is no longer on his own. He no longer has the stability and security of being by himself. He has two people, two needy people, that he's responsible for.

In all of his time as caretaker of the lighthouse, it's been task after task and menial chores, followed by drinking and television- if the damn satellite worked.

It gets lonely, but he's better that way. He can't hurt anyone if he's by himself.

As his hand settles against her bare leg, he searches for the break. He gives her no warning, which in hindsight was a bloody awful idea, and she screams when he sets the bone with a loud crack.

Two screaming strangers in his tiny home on an island in the middle of nowhere. Bloody perfect.

#cs ff #cs au #captain swan #dark gray #my writing #also a note i don't tag people on here #it feels weird to do that to me #so please don't ask!#and then i ran away because i have posting nerves #it's been so long!

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chirp-featherfowl · 4 years

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summertime is not a good friend.

- Tommy is 12 when he's assigned as a right hand man to a war general. Far too young, the world thinks. Far too immature, the world says. It is a war for peace, but not one a child should not carry the burden of. It is a war for hope, for prosperity, for freedom, but not one a child should be the right hand man of. The child that is the subject of discussion does not understand, nor does he disagree with his placement. It is not for a long, long, time that he realizes. - In a few months time, the ages of the rest have been revealed. A friend that is 13. An enemy that is 19. An outsider that is 19. A son that is 15. A girl that is 18. The words pass through the minds of the watchers, only fueling them to have the world they carefully spectate fall in shambles. Some say it's sadistic, that it's cruel, but no one listens. Not even they can stop themselves from seeing what comes next. - [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 23 min. ago lmao these losers saying its "problematic". get off of ur skyblock island sweetie, they're fictional <3 -- 18 replies Skye [on hiatus!] 23 min. ago Um they're not fictional? These are reall people - Hati 20 min. ago Lmao yes they are. They might as well be seeing as they shouldve known what they were signing up for -- 4 replies ami | MOD | 18 min. ago hello! please get off this discussion board and delete this post. we do not condone discourse here, try and find another site! thank you. - all hail sir billiam 18 min. ago um no thanks. the mods here r shit anyways, go get the owner if u wanna talk to me -- 8 replies - Tommy is 13 when he learns that his suffering is being watched and condoned by millions of other people. He is angry, and rightfully so. It just so happens that his anger has fallen on deaf ears, though, as his brother, his dear brother, is trapped in delusions of his own creation. It is too late for his brother, and it is too late for himself. - puddle ;; shay @soggy_mem0ry Stop stanning problematic world groups and go back to playing on fucking mineplex or something. This site disgusts me 456 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 6,282 Likes

el \ DON'T PRIV QRT @el_i god the discourse on here is horrible. i'm not going to be on this site for a while. i don't like what it's becoming. 293 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,497 Likes - It has been over six months since Tommy has been without trust. He cares for his brother, he does his best for him, and he knows he loves him back, despite the situation they're in. Tommy has done his best to bring his brother back to the way he was once before, and even though they both know it won't last long, they both put on a facade for each other. - A young boy, the age of 16, watches as another boy, only three years younger than him, loses almost all his hope. This young boy does not matter to the state of this world, and he never will, but it is the impact that makes it so important. The boy sits near a tree on his island, giving up hope himself. - A girl slaughters her way to victory in small matches in her area, knowing much due to her ability to find sufficient role models. Sufficient role models that happen to be revenge-filled adults that seem to not know they're torturing children, but it doesn't matter to her. It doesn't matter to anyone, in fact. No one cares when the world hinges on the fate of 14 year-olds who shouldn't know how to handle a crossbow, but so do nonetheless. - frog-enthusiast - Follow man. i never thought i'd be making this post, seeing as i'm one of the more popular members of the dsmpblr community, but i'm done. i won't deactivate this blog so other people can still see it, but i probably won't be posting ever again. fuck everyone who condones this shit. - Tommy is 14 when he begins to finally lose his hope. He hasn't yet, despite what everyone else thinks. He is still holding onto it, not for long, but he hasn't let go. But the world seems keen on having him release his grip, and he does, eventually. That day is not today, though, and Tommy Simons still lives. He lives in a, sadly, different and changed mindset, but is still the same Tommy Simons. He cannot say the same for his brother. - THEORIES ABOUT THE DSMP Kadoodles 696K views - 3 days ago MCC 9 Interview - Tapl's thoughts on DSMP, HBomb94 talking about L'cast, and more! MCC Highlights 3.2M views - 5 months ago Tommy confronts Wilbur about Manberg Obli Intel 52K views - 1 day ago - TAPL: Well, I'm not surprised you've asked me this. More that I was the first one to be asked, I guess? TAPL: If I'm being honest, I don't really want to talk about it. What does on in that world is none of my business. Though, that's not the answer you want, is it, huh? TAPL: I don't like it. It gives off such a bad energy, if that's the way you want to put it. I just... don't think it should exist, really? It shouldn't be shown off. - Tommy is 15 when he finally, finally, crumbles. Where he, the final judge, the youngest, is corrupted, is taken down to be who he finally is. Prey. - Various teenagers from all across the world watch as friend gets separated from friend, and foe takes over foe. It's no surprise to the people who chose this demise, but it still is a burden to carry. To be known as one of the people that sentenced a child to an early grave is something not a lot of people personally like. They keep on watching, though. Nothing will stop them. (But it is not as if people try.) The world might crumble there, and they will watch. The world might disappear there, and they will watch. - Replies jumpy-the-alien - frog-enthusiast I'm sad to see you go, but I totally get where you're coming from! I really hope you come back, I love your art, but don't feel pressured. vlaired-spear fuck off with the "fuck everyone" thing. you watched this shit too. you can't put down other people while still doing the same thing. flameo-hotman @vlaired-spear holy shit this is why i hate this website. suck a dick flowgastrell @vlaired-spear I know right! Its not like the ccs will see this anyway flameo-hotman @flowgastrell yeah, maybe not in a discord server, but there's still a high chance when you post it on the fucking internet - TAPL: I know I'm probably going to lose a lot of people saying this, but you asked for my opinion, and here it is. I don't want to lie about it. Especially not when fucking children are at risk. - Tommy remains 15 for a very long time. It is not of his own volition. He is bored, and time passes slowly. Not until his friend arrives, that is. His friend with the mask, his friend with the lies. His friend that's not his friend. But Tommy doesn't know that. - [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 45 min. ago it will be a long day in hell when i give up dsmp content lmaoooo got banned from that other board the other day mods were toxic as shit might report it idk -- 4 replies Gertrude Supremacy 44 min. ago :O Oh no what happened - all hail sir billiam 44 min. ago just the antis being toxic again lol -- 2 replies - Tommy remains 15 when he his abused by the one he thinks is a friend. He remains 15 during the explosions, the traps, the hitting, the fighting, the party, the- The things a 15-year-old should not have to deal with. He stops saying sorry for being too weak-willed. He starts saying sorry for being too disobedient. He does both, and gets punished "suitably" for both. It is a game, and he does not know the rules. to be continued!! may make a follow up post explaining the au

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murasaki-murasame · 4 years

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Since we’re probably gonna get the patch notes for the 2nd anniversary update within the next few days, I may as well finally get around to going over all of my hopes and predictions for the new update and the anniversary as a whole.

They’re keeping a lot of stuff secret about the anniversary update, but we already know at least some of what we’ll get from different blog posts and stuff, especially the one from a while ago about how the inventory system overhaul is going to affect parts of the shop, and how people will be compensated for it. Which I think they had to talk about in advance specifically because it involves in-app purchases and whatnot, so they can’t just keep quiet about it for the sake of building hype.

We’ve known for ages that they’ve been planning to change the weapon crafting system to make it more streamlined and less overwhelming and tedious, and that whole blog post gave us our clearest idea yet of what they’re planning. And going by what they said, it’s a lot more substantial than I was expecting.

I honestly dunno what I even expected them to do about it, since there’s so many fundamental issues with it all, but it looks like the overhaul is going to affect both wyrmprints and weapons, though the impact on weapons will be more noticeable because of the whole crafting menu and whatnot that’ll get changed. But basically it sounds like we’re only going to be able to have one copy of every wyrmprint and weapon after this update, and they’re deleting some of the storage pack options from the shop since I guess this means there effectively won’t be a storage cap on them anymore. But thankfully they’re also going to be letting us upgrade our weapons/wyrmprints in some way or another so that they can be used for multiple people in the same party. Which sounds way more convenient than the current system, and it’ll at least make it way easier to use multiple units of the same weapon type in the same team.

On top of how they’re going to be automatically deleting everyone’s dupe weapons and wyrmprints [or using them for automatic unbinding of your remaining ones], I think they said they’re going to straight up delete some weapons from the game, which I guess would probably at least mean the 2-star weapons [and wyrmprints], since at this point they serve literally no purpose after your first day or so of playing the game, and just clog up your inventory. I kinda hope they also just delete like half of the void weapons, since they’re only really used for extremely specific fight mechanics in a handful of the void battles. Honestly I think they should just overhaul it so that there’s one weapon set with a ‘Void Boss Bane’ effect that applies to all the void bosses, and then the Chimeratech and HDT Bane weapons. But if they delete any weapon types entirely, I hope they make them available as weapon skins.

It’s hard to guess exactly how they’ll change the crafting system, since there’s so many parts to it, but I think they’ll revamp the core weapon crafting system so that it’s just linear like the current endgame weapons, and not a weird branching tree of upgrades. If they really want to condense it into a more straightforward progression system, they should make it so that there’s five sets of elemental core weapons that go from 3-star, 4-star, to 5-star, in the same linear upgrade path. At the very least there’s not really much need to have the whole set-up with non-elemental weapons that you upgrade into elemental ones, so just cutting them out and limiting it to a much smaller set of elemental weapons would be easier to work with. I also think they should do the same thing with void weapons if they don’t straight up delete them.

I also think they should readjust the crafting materials needed for core weapons, since I feel like they can be a huge trap for new players, with how annoying they are to grind compared to how worthless they are at this point.

Going with how we’re only going to have one copy of each weapon/wyrmprint that we just slowly upgrade and unbind, I actually think they might just remove the option to dismantle weapons and sell wyrmprints. The whole dismantling system has always been a massive pain, which they admitted to when they talked about the upcoming changes recently, and I don’t think there’d even be a need to dismantle weapons anymore if we don’t have to worry about inventory management. We can’t even dismantle HDT, Agito, and Chimeratech [I think] weapons, so it really wouldn’t change much.

There also wouldn’t really be much of a need to sell wyrmprints after this update, but they’d still need to tweak how we get eldwater so we don’t just get a noticeable decrease in the amount we get if we can’t get them from wyrmprint dupes anymore.

In general they’ll need to readjust how we get wyrmprints in the first place, but they’ll probably try and keep it as similar to how it is now as possible. I’m betting that we’ll still get wyrmprints as quest drops and event rewards, but dupes will either be automatically used for unbinding, or they’ll get immediately converted to eldwater if you already have a MUB version of that print.

We don’t really know anything about how exactly we’re going to upgrade prints so that they can be used on multiple people, but I assume it won’t be very difficult, considering that facility events expect you to have multiple copies of event prints, and lots of team comps that people use involve multiple copies of prints.

They also recently announced that there’s gonna be 12 whole hours of maintenance to prepare for the update, which might mostly just consist of QA testing, but it still probably says a lot about how big this update will be, at least on their end of things.

And on the topic of other things we know that they’re gonna do in this update, even if we don’t know the full details on it all, we’ve got the Great Rebalance Patch [tm]. Which I’m probably more excited for than the inventory/crafting stuff. I’m keeping my expectations low in case it ends up being a fairly basic, bare minimum type of stat buff to everyone that’s not a shadow unit, but it’d be nice if it’s more ambitious than that.

The minimum I’m expecting is basically just damage mod costs and SP cost changes for all non-shadow elements, so that they straight up do more damage than they do now. Which is probably all they really need to do, but that’d still feel a bit disappointing. I know they’re also going to adjust the stats of bosses to go along with it, but even if they do we should still see non-shadow units clearing content faster than they do now. I mean, with light units for example, if they still clear Tartarus about twice as slowly as shadow units on average, that won’t actually address the whole problem that triggered this balance patch in the first place, lol. It sounds like they’re going to leave shadow units untouched, so non-shadow units should be getting buffed to the point where they can clear content fast enough that shadow units aren’t a meaningful upgrade over them.

I do hope that they do some more personalized rebalancing for specific characters, though, instead of just giving everyone flat stat boosts. Just that alone wouldn’t really fix the issues with certain characters, especially if everyone gets equally buffed. At the very least they really need to get rid of the handful of off-element resistances that some units have, since that really shouldn’t even hinge on them getting mana spirals. And everyone should get 100% status resistance to begin with at this point. But even if they give everyone flat stat boosts, there’s still characters that suffer from problems like slow-charging skills, long attack animations, weak buffs, useless abilities, etc. Incognito Nefaria’s a good example of someone who really suffers from long casting animations, but she’s so new that they’re probably not going to change her much with this patch anyway. But there’s still other stuff like how the Striker’s Energy ability is almost completely useless, or how the Status = Team Strength abilities for a handful of units are just really weak because they’re so hard to trigger.

I think they should also raise the cap on energy stacks to ten, and make it so that energized skills and stuff like Pipple and Yaten’s abilities still just use five stacks of energy, so the extra stacks are just there to make it less likely for you to over-cap on energy and have it go to waste.

They should also probably change the order of operations that goes into skills that give you energy, since from what I’ve heard the energy is provided to you, and then energy is used to energize the skill if applicable, which means that if you use a skill like that when you’re already energized, you just don’t get the energy from that skill afterward and you go back to zero. It should be adjusted so that you use your current energy stacks, and THEN get the new energy stacks from the skill itself.

Dragondrive as a mechanic also kinda feels like it needs to be reworked a bit, mainly since it just doesn’t really mesh with a lot of existing mechanics and buffs and whatnot. Like how Tiki is in such a weird spot where she doesn’t benefit from anything related to dragon damage or dragon claws or so on, because dragondrive is treated as a separate mechanic even when it involves shapeshifting into a dragon.

I know they’re also gonna be adjusting boss stats to go with this, but I really hope that this update will make it easier to solo HDTs. We’re at the point where it’s still important to grind them if only just for dracoliths and stuff, but it’s a huge pain to actually find co-op rooms for them anymore, and most of them are really difficult to do solo.

But honestly there’s a whole list of reasons why HDTs are in such a weird place, like how the mentor system is absolute garbage and either needs to be removed or entirely overhauled, and how HDT weapons are basically just flat out worse than Agito weapons, and are for the most part entirely skippable. I’m honestly not really sure how to address the fact that HDT weapons are just worse than Agito weapons, with how the game currently works, lol. It’s a pretty fundamental issue with the game’s core design, since you’re more or less intended to only use one weapon at a time. There’s basically no need to ever have two separate weapons of the same element and weapon type, aside from using them on multiple people in the same team, which won’t even be an issue after this update. This isn’t like GBF where you have a grid of like ten different weapons active at the same time, which gives them a lot of room to make weapons that do different things and have different purposes. In DL it’s more like ‘just use the one type of weapon that does the most damage because nothing else matters and all your other weapons are just gathering dust in your inventory’. It’d require a pretty huge overhaul of how the entire game works if they actually wanted to add value to having different types of weapons, but if they just did something like buffing the stats of HDT weapons, or introducing a new tier of them, it’d probably just mean that now HDT3 weapons or whatever are the only weapons worth using, and everyone moves on from Agito ones.

So that’s the sort of thing that I think would require a lot more long-term, fundamental game design changes. Unless they just keep going with the treadmill of weapon powercreep, lol.

They don’t seem to be touching anything about dragon storage and how we obtain dragons and so on, but I think they said that dragons will also be part of the balance patch, and they’ve already hinted that they’re going to introduce a new use for draconic essences. I think they might increase the damage that most dragons do so that they don’t feel like a waste to shapeshift into in the first place, and I think the essences will probably be used for some dragon equivalent of a mana spiral that raises their stats and abilities and stuff. It’d at least be nice if we could use essences to do stuff like upgrade Agni to an 80% strength dragon, or whatever. That’d at least help alleviate the feeling of being left behind in the meta by gala dragons.

And on the whole topic of the inventory system, I’m still hoping they finally implement the encyclopedia system. It might not even have much of a purpose at this point, but it’d at least be nice if it gives free rewards based on completion percentage. But I think it’d be really nice if we could use the encyclopedia to do stuff like get a preview of adventurers we don’t own yet, since you can’t really do that at the moment.

I’m also hoping that they bring back the whole dog system that they said ages ago will eventually become it’s own feature. Even though I don’t really know what it’d actually do, lol. I’m guessing it’d be some sort of pet system where they provide some sort of gameplay benefit, but who even knows how it’ll work.

With the anniversary there’s also a fair amount of basic stuff that’ll happen just based on what happened last year, like log-in bonuses and so on. They’ll probably also reset the co-op wyrmite rewards since they seem to do that every six months or so. And along the same lines I also think they might reset the fafnir medal store, or overhaul it’s contents, since at the moment there’s no real reason to buy anything other than the testaments. It’d also be really nice if they reset the royal regimen rewards for everyone, but that’s probably wishful thinking, lol. Same with how they might eventually reset the event compendium so everyone can get rewards from it all again.

Astral raids are also something that I think desperately needs an overhaul, since they’re just kinda pointless at the moment. The astral raid store is even more boring than the fafnir medal one at this point, and augments are farmable from basically all endgame content, so astral raids are only really there to give you the novelty of re-fighting old bosses, which really lost it’s new shiny appeal a LONG time ago, lol. Now it’s just ‘oh boy I can’t wait to fight Valfarre for the millionth time’.

Most of my thoughts have just been centered around how I think they’ll change existing content, since that’s easier to think about, but obviously I think there’ll be some entirely new features and whatnot introduced for the anniversary that they haven’t even hinted at yet. It’s just impossible to do anything other than speculate about that, though. But I think it’s safe to assume that now that we’ve gone through all the Agito bosses, they’ll introduce the next batch of endgame content, if nothing else. I could see us getting new fights against the royal siblings and their dragons, but I really want a new permanent endgame mode that’s based around wave content, so characters built around those types of fights can finally have some purpose. I could see it just being an extension of Imperial Onslaught that expands upon that whole system, like the progression between the regular dragon trials and the HDTs.

I’ve also always hoped that we’d get some sort of game mode built around the dungeon-crawling aspect that the game’s always had, but never really done anything with. Some of the recent unique stages in the main campaign have really made me wish they’d do more with that sorta thing, and I think it’d probably be a good way for them to also introduce some solo-only endgame content, which the game also kinda needs.

I’m also really hoping that eventually we can recruit the Agito bosses in basically the same way as how Eternals and Evokers in GBF work, but it’s probably too early for that to come up yet.

In terms of events, we know that they’re gonna start a rerun of the 1st anniversary event that’ll go until the new anniversary event starts, and we know that the new anniversary event will tie into both the old one, and the events of the main story. I’m excited to see how that all turns out, since the first anniversary event was so good, but it’s hard to tell what they’ll do with it. Especially since the recent castle story with Audric felt like their way of letting us know that he’s gonna be pretty much ignored by the story from this point on, so I dunno if the second anniversary event will continue all the stuff with him or not.

We also know that the second anniversary event will be a raid, so it’ll presumably give a new free character, and I’m guessing it’ll be a flame event since we’ve been due for one for a while. I think that if we get a new free unit from it, it’ll probably be something like an Audric alt, or just an entirely new character. It’d be really neat if we got a playable version of Notte from it, but we’ll see.

And on the note of new characters, we’re obviously gonna get a new gala for the anniversary like we did last year, and I’m still assuming it’ll probably just be Gala Zena, since the main story’s been pushing her lately. Maybe we could get Gala Audric instead, but I kinda doubt it.

One thing that I actually completely forgot until recently is that we might get some new non-limited characters in the gala at the same time, since they’ve been doing that recently. They might just focus the banner on the new gala unit to make them more of the focus, but they might still introduce some new characters in the anniversary event who they’ll put on the banner at the same time. One way or another I’m planning to skip the whole anniversary gala banner since I don’t have many summons saved at the moment, so I hope it’s an easy skip, lol.

Which also reminds me that we’re almost certainly gonna get free daily tenfolds like we did for the first anniversary. I know that lasted for ten days, but I don’t remember exactly what banners it covered, other than that it was active during the Gala Euden banner. Last year we also got the short extra gala banners that had the old gala units on rate-up afterward, but they might not bother with that this year now that we have the gala remix banners to showcase old gala units. We’ll probably still get stuff like a gala platinum summon or whatever, though.

I think it’d also be really neat if they gave everyone a free dream summon, but that’s probably a pipe dream. I could see them doing a regular dream summon for the anniversary, but I dunno if they’d give one out for free. If they did, it might just be limited to the launch 5-stars or something.

Then there’s the elephant in the room when it comes to gacha-related stuff that lots of people are hoping to see, which is the sparking system from GBF. I don’t really feel as strongly about it as most people do, but it’d still be nice if they put it in. Mostly I just feel like people over-hype it as a feature, and kinda use it as an excuse to ignore any problems that a game’s gacha system might have by going ‘at least it has sparking! :)’. One of the many reasons why GBF is so demoralizing and kinda dull to play is that I feel actively discouraged from ever summoning if I can’t spark someone, but it takes like 4+ months to actually save for a spark if you ignore stuff like the occasional roulette event.

I just hope that if they introduce it to DL, they don’t do something like give us way less free summons each month so that it takes a super long time to save for a spark. At the moment we get around 150 summons a month, so if they did it the same as GBF where you need 300 summons to spark someone, you could do that once every two months in DL, which is way faster than it is in GBF, and most games I’ve seen with sparking systems. So it’d just seem really annoying if they gave us sparking but then gave us, like, half as many free summons every month. They could do something like make it require 500+ summons to spark someone, but that’d just look really stingy and off-putting even if it works out the same as other games, with how long you have to save to spark someone.

They could just port over the spark system in a pretty much 1:1 way as GBF without changing anything, but it’d still be nice if they could improve it by making it so that you can accumulate a spark across multiple banners, instead of having to do it all in one banner. I think newer games with systems like this, like Arknights, do it that way, and I think it’d at least help alleviate the feeling of ‘if I don’t have 300 or more summons saved up I may as well just forget that the entire gacha mechanic exists’.

I’ve also been wondering for a while if they might implement something like gold moons from GBF, to help make it feel less pointless to draw dupes. At the moment they’re just eldwater and nothing else, at least with adventurer dupes, so it’d make sense if they let us get some sort of additional value out of them. I know that recently there was some talk about datamined images that looked like gold moons and the Siero-ticket from GBF, but I think that’s been in the game since 2018 and might have basically been scrapped. But they could still use those assets at some point for something like this.

I think if they manage to introduce sparking without massively tanking the amount of summons we get each month, then that’d really improve the game’s gacha system, since the lack of a sparking system is basically the main complaint people have with it at this point, along with how unfulfilling it is to get dupes. I still don’t see it as the make or break issue that a lot of people see it as, but it’d still be nice to see.

Also, they’re probably gonna announce a new collab event for later this year, which could be literally anything, but I’m leaning towards the idea of a Zelda collab to tie in with the upcoming Hyrule Warriors game. Other than that, I’d actually really like a Re:Zero collab, since I really like that series, lol. It’s been getting a shit-ton of collabs in different gacha games lately, so it could happen. I dunno if it’d mesh well with DL in terms of it’s tone, but I think the character design style could translate over really nicely.

I don’t think they’d announce it until the start of next year, but I think we’ll get a rerun of the MH collab next March, with a part two event themed around the new Monster Hunter game for the Switch that also got announced recently.

Anyway, I think that’s basically all of my main hopes and predictions for the near future. Now I just have to wait until I get inevitably proven wrong about like half of this stuff, and this whole post ends up being a waste of time, lol

#murasaki rambles #dragalia lost #this got SUPER long but I've been thinking about this stuff for a few months now

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like? No. do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for? Nope. I haven’t seen or talked to him in 4 years. He kind of just fell off the grid one day, deleting all his social media accounts. who is your last text from? My dad. what color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss? I don’t remember. That was like 6 years ago. which movie did you last see in theaters? The Invisible Man. I miss going to the movies. I reallyyy miss the popcorn. I’ve heard some theaters want to start opening up again, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable going. I haven’t gone anywhere despite things opening back up. I don’t feel comfortable or safe doing so while we’re still in the thick of this thing and California has seen major spikes. I just wouldn’t be able to enjoy my time out anywhere because the fear of getting sick would be looming over my head the entire time and it would just be more stressful and anxiety inducing for me.

would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No. I can’t even imagine the scenario where that would even be a possibility again. have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? No. is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy? My doggo. who's thinking about you right now? Uh, I’m sure no one is. I have no idea why anyone would be. do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much experience in the cuddling department, but sure. are you keeping a secret right now? Maybe. what were you doing at 9:30 last night? I think I was watching TV with my mom. was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? No one has texted me today as of now. what is bothering you right now? I’m hot and hungry. I hate when my appetite does this thing where I just feel like I’m not getting full after eating so I’m still hungry. Because of a few issues, I only eat the same few foods so it’s not like I have many options. last time you saw fireworks? Last 4th of July. three days in a hotel or nfl game tickets? Uh, three days in a hotel hands down. I love staying in hotels. Ha, I wouldn’t care if all I did was just stay at the hotel and do what I’d do at home. It’s still a vacation to me lol. I have no interest at all in sports. would you rather watch football or baseball? Neither. I just said I don’t care about sports. what's your ringtone? One of the ones that came with the phone. what do you currently hear right now? My fan, myself typing, and the TV. are you easily scared by horror movies? Not anymore, I love ‘em. I used to be, though. do you know anyone who's been in jail? Yes. does someone like you right now? Nope. when's the next time you'll see your best friend? I see her everyday, we live together. how do you calm down when you're extremely angry? I just shut down and cry, usually. And go to one of my distractions like read or watch something on YouTube/listen to ASMR. are your friends with any of your ex boyfriends/girlfriends? Not anymore. No bad feelings or anything, just drifted apart and lost touch. do you want any tattoos? I’ve wanted one for several years, but I’m a big baby so I’ll likely never get it. it’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings? It’d likely be the wrong number. The only people who call me are my parents, both of which would be here at 4 in the morning. Unless they’re calling me from their room for some reason. something you just don't understand? My life, why I’m the way I am. what was your worst mistake in your life? Where to begin... what's something you really want right now, be honest! Not feel like this. have you ever woke up next to someone and were freaked out? No. have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter e? Nope. are you looking forward to anything? No. who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? My brother. is there a reason for your myspace song? Sigh. have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing? I sometimes buy my graphic tees from the men’s section. I like the fit of the guy tees better. is the last person you hugged older than you? Yes. do you like to make the first move? Noooo. do you trust all of your friends? I don’t have any friends. have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to? Yes. have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yeah. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good laugh like that, though. what's your first period class? I’m not in school anymore, thankfully. <<< have you ever cried during a movie? Yeah, but only a few have made me actually cry, though. I usually just feel sad and maybe tear up a bit. will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? That’s about when I go to bed. :X

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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anonymoususername123 · 5 years

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Dating in Toronto

In this world of hookup culture we are forgetting who we are.

It’s December of 2019. The year is coming to an end, in fact the decade is coming to an end. In my generation of millennials I think we’re called, ( I’m 32 ), we either have been involved or know someone that’s been involved in the hookup culture that is currently taking over the world.

Gone are the days of loyalty, trust, commitment, and love.

(Edit: Actually that’s not true. It’s been pointed out to me by some friends, and I already knew this too, that there ARE some people in committed, loving, trusting, healthy relationships. I mean romantic ones. Because I have all of the above mentioned things going on with friend relationships. I have just yet to find it in a ROMANTIC way.... I’d like to say I have SOME hope though... anyways read on to get why I’m so jaded)

Although I know the older and last generations have had their share of breakups and divorces, cheating and scandals, side chicks, alimony, and child support.

These tragedies aren’t new.

What is new and still continuing and evolving is the ever present hookup culture.

You can download an app or two, or three, four, fuck there’s so many who can even keep count.

The point is you can download an app, set your preference, and boom by 11pm that night you’re fucking someone you just met, on an app, literally hours before.

You don’t know them and they don’t know you. You go for coffee, but it’s not really coffee. It’s them picking you up, grabbing a hot chocolate at 10:30pm at night, and going for a drive in their car ( this has happened to me many a times). You then realize ah shit I fucked up, I’m stuck in a strangers car, who is now chain smoking for whatever reason, and then you go park in a deserted parking lot, to sit and get to know each other and make small talk.

Now I know most of you are thinking no way, this can’t be real, who stoops to that level of getting a Tim Hortons hot chocolate between 10:30-11pm at night with a total stranger to then go sit in their car and hope to God they don’t murder you.

But this is real life.

I’ve used Tinder, POF, OkCupid. I downloaded Bumble & Hinge and deleted immediately. I also think I tried something called “Happn” which I also deleted.

I’ve made an account on Seeking Arrangements just for the hell of it ( fuck I really hope I deleted my account oh man). I’ve joined Match for its like one month gig. I’ve joined Christian Mingle YEARS ago only to talk to some horny Italian guy that clearly was on the right site ( insert my VERY DISTINCT sarcasm please.)

It’s interesting because

You lose yourself in it all.

Somewhere someway somehow you allow people into your life you never in a million years think you would. You say and do shit you never thought you would.

You tolerate the weirdest and strangest shit.

Not once but at least.... four times I’ve been picked up by a guy in his car just to drive around, go park, talk, and then they wanna have sex.

I was once, no twice, master manipulated into having sex with a guy I suspect was married, in his van. It was scary. Horrifying. Terrifying. I went against my gut instinct. I went against my vibes. I’ve put myself in quite dangerous and scary situations.

I’ve let men into my life, into my body, I absolutely should never in my life have done so.

I can’t blame my daddy issues, my daddy issues are maybe the root of my issues with men. But my behaviour is something I have to own up to. My patterns, my habits, my inability to catch the players and walk away, block, delete, sooner than meeting up with them, that is on me.

So here I am now just reflecting back on this decade. In this decade I started it off dating someone that was toxic, unwell, borderline abusive. It never starts that way, and then next thing you know I ended up in a psych ward cause I tried to kill myself. The psychiatrist then tells you that one day the memories will fade away until they’re all gone. And it’s true. And he was one of the best psychiatrists I’ve ever met. And I cried when I heard he’s taking a sabbatical to work on something else. All the while knowing this is life. I’m sick. I’ll get better. And this was years ago.

And I slowly get better after that.

But I start using the dating apps. I’m single and vulnerable. I’m a social work student. I’m doing my placement, I’m going through school. I start working at a movie theatre.

My attachment issues, my mental health issues, my DADDY ISSUES, I don’t wanna deal with them. I know I have to. Maybe they’ll go away.

I had previously gotten clean, off drugs and alcohol. So I keep going to meetings.. NA meetings.. at one point I get a sponsor I start step work, I give up, not because I didn’t want to work on my recovery... I just stop using that sponsor. No hard feelings.

Fast forward to now. December 2019. For the last seven years of being single I’ve fucked countless guys... I’ve gone on some weird ass dates and some OK dates. I’ve tried to be non judgemental... I’ve been judgemental... people are... fucked lol.

I fucked a Ryan Gosling lookalike.

A guy I went to high school with.

Many other guys who shall remain nameless. Security guards, guys from NA, guys I met online. Boys boys boys boys.

I’ve gotten attached. I’ve cried, obsessed, blocked and unblocked so many times I have driven myself absolutely insane.

I was taken advantage of. In a van. I blocked that guy by the way... fairly sure he’s a predator... like I said.. some scary scary shit!

I’ve been reckless, not safe enough.

I’ve invited guys over. I’ve had one night stands. I’ve probably broken hearts, I’ve had my heart broken.

Then I meet a couple guys over the last year. One stood out. He was SO good looking in my eyes.. but SO unwell. I dropped every standard known to mankind and hooked up with him. He was F U C K E D up. We eventually end things.. stop talking or seeing each other. In Feb 2019 we randomly see each other ( after having first met each other in March/April 2018) on the subway, he comes over, we fuck. I never hear from him again. I see him on the subway platform a couple weeks later holding hands with a girl. We spot each other. I’m almost near the end of the platform. So he moves to the left, towards more of the centre. The train comes and we all get on. I’m fuming. Raging. I start voicenoting my friends, yelling loudly so he can hear me.. he’s further down the train than where I am. “THIS FUCKING GUY, I JUST FUCKED HIM AND HERE HE IS WITH A NEW GIRL, HOLDING HER HAND, THIS IS MADNESS”.

People are staring. I look crazy. We get off at the same stop. During the train ride They FOR SURE could hear me but they had their heads down, they’re talking, holding hands, ignoring the crazy bitch yelling into her phone about some guy she fucked that has the AUDCITY to board her train with a new girlfriend. Once we all get off, they’re up ahead of me and I eventually lose them. I call my mom and I’m SCREAMING into the phone. But.. who even cares? All that anger, rage & resentment, for what? We weren’t close. Or dating. I was nothing to him. When all I want is to be something to someone.

Basically... I’m sick of this shit. Sick of being nothing to no one. Just a sexual object, most likely a side chick, no trust or respect.

Some have taken me on proper dates.

Dinner. Movies.

Dinner.

Coffee shop.

But the mass majority have been flimsy, stupid, regrettable, one night stands that require more work on my part- I have laundry I end up having to do the next day... mixed with trying to wash all the shame and guilt off of me from my poor choices from the previous night.

It’s like we’ve become transactions with each other.

Some guy I just fucked last night was all “Oh no, I REALLY wanna get to know you, you’re one of the hottest girls on POF right now”

Buddy you don’t wanna get to know me you want to get to know my vagina. PUSSY. You wanna say HIIIIIIIII and REALLY get to know not me as a person but me as my VAGINA.

And it’s like SERIOUSLY?

Why can’t we be straightforward. Why do we lie.. to ourselves.. and each other.. it’s like I’ve convinced myself I’m either not worthy of love and respect or I’ve just given up on it as if it doesn’t exist anymore.

Siblings that are older.. all divorced or about to be. A couple still together. But one pair fights and fights and fights.

Is that love? Is that respect? Is that what a relationship is now? Still?

We can order food, products, and people to our door within a matter of minutes but at what cost?

You’re not paying me for sex but should you be?

I’ve often thought maybe I should dabble in being an escort. I’d get paid. And have sex. Because what’s the difference in what I’m doing besides absolutely nothing except that I’m not getting paid and sex workers are.

I’m having meaningless, pointless, regrettable sex that is oftentimes worth the orgasm but not the emotional turmoil I put myself through after.

I’ve definitely used sex the way I once upon a time used drugs and alcohol. I HATE admiting I’m a sex addict. I don’t crave it.. I don’t NEED it. But I do it anyways. When I’m sad, depressed, stressed. I want sex. I don’t want the guy or the drama or stress or relationship. I wanna exert my feminine power and fuck you til we both orgasm.

But... it doesn’t always work out that way. I may use guys for sex.. but they use me right back lol.

I have to delete the memories from my head and keep moving forward.

I met a guy this summer. At a Tim Hortons. There were vibes lol.

I could tell he was a player, manipulative. We exchanged numbers. To this day ( six months later ) we still chat. He left the city for months and is now back.

He’s put me down, about my faith & beliefs, my career, and just me as a person. He’s pissed me off and I’ve told him off. I’ve blocked and unblocked him so many times over the last few months, even without seeing him in person, only to unblock and message him again. He’s rude, narcissistic, a fucking prick. He doesn’t think, honestly, of literally anyone else except him and his daughter. He makes excuses and has stories for days. He’s been so rude to me so many times and yet I STILLLL wanna talk to him. I STILL want him to like me, want me, date me. Treat me nicer than he’s treated me.. actually talk to me with respect. Not lead me on leave me on read for hours at end to just come back around when he feels like it.

But, here I am, entertaining this fucking douche bag because I’m bored, lonely, depressed.

My dad just died. A month and a half ago. I know, you’re probably thinking Jesus, this girls life is DRAMA! It is. I’ll end this blog post here, for now, and finish all the rest of my stories later.

With my Dad passing its opened me up again. Made me a bit a softer. More self aware. More in tune with my emotions and what the fuck I want, what the fuck I’m doing. Everyone’s always told me how to act and what to do my whole Life, or at least that’s how it’s felt ( even though it’s not exactly true).

These experiences shape you, mould you, change you from the inside out.

I’ll get rid of all these fuckboys.

Everyone says oh just wait, the right person will come along. But will they? Will they really? Where’s the stats and proof and logistics of it? I mean sure I live in a big huge city so I will definitely meet SOMEONE one day but how? Where? Why are we told to just have blind faith this will happen.

Whoever made up that saying and these expressions and thought pattern is a fucking moron. We date and fuck who we either meet in person or meet online. There’s really no in between. But meeting people in person.. who, what, where, when, and how?

I’ll get back to you guys on all the rest of my wild life and stories and thoughts.

Blessings to all for now,

Anonymous Dater in Toronto

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ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[HM, SP] No-Star Reviews

Joel struggled to find the right words.

He’d written so much so often lately that it had become difficult not to describe his thoughts but to piece together sentences that differentiated them from one another.

“Incompetent,” he typed, then paused.

No, scratch that, he thought. Delete, delete, delete.

“Negligent,” came out through the flurry of clicks.

Too easy to rebut, he thought.

“Malignant and diseased,” he typed as a sneer crossed his face and tears spilled over his lip and into his mouth.

He’d found the perfect words with the perfect weight.

He hit the enter key and felt a wave of exhilaration that made his face flush.

Just two months and more than a hundred thousand words ago, Joel decided he’d had enough of his mother, his boss and what felt like a million others walking across his back each day. Any man with an ounce of pride would never have taken the abuse so long, which meant there was no reason to take it a day longer, Joel thought as he stared at his paunchy reflection in a mirror spotted with flecks of toothpaste.

“I will build my own empire. Today,” he whispered through gritted teeth then wiped away the evidence of his sobbing and put in eye drops hoping to avoid tipping off his mother that he’d been crying again.

But the groundbreaking had to wait. Eight or nine hours, at least. Mr. Figginbottom promised Joel he’d be fired if he called out again and Joel was sure the octogenarian wasn’t lying this time. His boss’s 50-something nephew had recently moved back to town, surely after being kicked out of his own mother’s house after yet another failed stint at a rehab, and Mr. Figginbottom was looking for any excuse to give away Joel’s gig. And while no man ever became rich selling pool supplies for a man who couldn’t even become rich owning a small chain of pool supply stores, Joel needed at least one more paycheck to cover his own startup expenses.

The windfall came sooner than expected, though. Joel had barely clocked in when the phone at the front desk rang. INTERNAL, it said.

“Checkout, this is Joel,” he answered.

“Joel, this is Figs. Can you come back and see Linda in my office?”

“It’s a little busy up here, actually. There’s a woman who was asking Roger for help with chlorine tablets and as soon as she asked, two more people walked in …”

“Joel, I want to make clear that I wasn’t asking a question, I was giving an order,” the man on the line said.

A long silence took hold before Mr. Figginbottom tired of waiting.

“Joel, I said …”

“Yessir, be right back,” Joel said and slammed down the receiver.

Joel was surprised to see Mr. Figginbottom in the office.

“I thought Linda was supposed to be here,” Joel said from the doorway, still holding the knob.

“She’s right there,” Mr. Figginbottom said, pointing to a blonde woman holding a clipboard sitting on the small sofa hidden behind the door.

“Hi, Joel,” she said warmly as she leaned into view.

“Son, sit down,” Mr. Figginbottom said.

Joel had no idea what this could be about but he wondered if it wasn’t his opportunity to preemptively quit. To tell Mr. Figginbottom this was the worst job he had ever had working for the biggest idiot he had ever met who owned the worst company in the world.

“Joel, we saw the tape,” Mr. Figginbottom said. “I’ll be honest, I’m half tempted to beat you myself first but Linda here says that’s not going to look good for my insurance rates, so I’m just going to tell you to get out of here right now.”

Joel was stuck on the part about the tape when he realized there was more to process.

“Joel, actually, there are some papers we have to go over,” Linda said as she began pulling some documents from beneath the clipboard’s hinge. Mr. Figginbottom cocked his head, a little perturbed the office manager’s politeness had sucked the vinegar out of the rant he was building up to.

“Wait, what tape?” Joel asked.

Mr. Figginbottom looked at Linda, who turned back to Joel and opened her mouth to speak before being cut off.

“Joel, there’s a security camera in the back of the building,” Mr. Figginbottom said as he leaned across the desk, face reddening as the position pulled his shirt taught and made the rolls of fat hang out over his collar more than usual. “We started getting complaints from the closer that someone was blowing mud behind the dumpster. We looked at the camera, and by God, if that wasn’t you, Joel.”

That much was true. Joel had always hated going to the bathroom at work. Or rather, he hated going to the bathroom in the bathroom at work. It was a single-stall, unisex bathroom the employees shared with customers. It was usually clean enough — Joel often had to take care of that himself — but it was a cacophonous tile room that sent reverberations of even the gentlest tinkle throughout the store. There was a smaller but better-insulated facility in the back room but that was reserved solely for Mr. Figginbottom, who had “the I.B. syndrome,” as he’d often say unburdened with the shame Joel carried for such talk. The way Joel saw it, he had no other choice but to go behind the dumpster.

“Son, are you even listening?” Mr. Figginbottom asked as he pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of his plaid western shirt and wiped the beading sweat off his bald head.

Mr. Figginbottom leaned back in the chair again and swallowed hard, covering his mouth.

“I’m nauseous right now thinking about that video, you …”

“Fig,” Linda interrupted, “we talked about the paperwork for Joel? Remember the paperwork?”

The rest was a bit of a blur. Crying now for the second time in an hour, Joel nodded along as Linda told him about how he could sign up for COBRA Health Insurance and how he’d have 10 days to return all three of his work shirts, properly washed and pressed, please.

“And you’ve accrued 32 vacation hours that we’ll be paying you out for today along with the rest of your scheduled hours for this week,” Linda said as she handed him a check in exchange for the clipboard full of documents he’d been signing.

It was 9:25 a.m. Monday and Joel held $388 in his hands. The tears started to dry as he realized this was his seed money. Mr. Figginbottom had inadvertently become an angel investor.

Thirty minutes later, Joel was a new man. He paid his mother $300 for two months’ rent in advance and he was a free man for the next 60 days. Nothing could get in the way of his empire now.

First, though, Joel needed to get something off his chest. He pulled out his laptop and signed in to a Facebook account under the name Colby Stimpson, a chiseled man with perfect hair whose stock photos Joel stole for an account he used to stalk all the girls he knew a decade ago high school who wouldn’t accept a friend request from his real account.

“If I could give Fig’s Pools no stars, I would,” Joel typed into the review field as Colby Stimpson. “It is run by a fat and old man who loves having power over everyone for no reason other than he has the IB syndrome … aka DIHARREA! He also loves his employee Linda so much he has sex with her at work without his wife. I suggest you try a different pool company that cares for its customers because this is a no star place with an owner who could drop dead and anyone could care less!”

Joel slept as well as he had in months that night and awoke at 2 p.m. thanks to the blackout curtains he bought the afternoon before. It was an investment in himself, he thought as he watched his newfound nest egg dip to about $50.

He rolled over and picked up his phone to open /r/hentai but saw a stack of text message alerts on his lock screen, all from Roger at the pool store.

“Can’t believe it. So crazy!” the latest message read. “I guess it happened last night when he got home,” another read as the story unraveled in reverse as Joel scrolled to the top of the text chain.

“Figs is DEAD!” the first message said.

“LOL,” Joel replied, following up with a laughing emoji.

The next few days were a mix of emotions for Joel. He had intended to spend them building an empire of some kind — maybe an app company or a place that sold graphic novels and adult novelties, he thought — but instead found himself watching anime and wondering whether it was right to feel so vindicated by Mr. Figginbottom’s death. Confused by his own emotions, he left the house for the first time since being fired and walked the two blocks to the Stop-N-Shop.

He filled up the handbasket with a dozen Little Debbie snack cakes and as many Rockstar energy drinks before throwing a one-pound back of pretzels on top of it all.

“Forty-six eighty-eight,” the man at the counter said after scanning it all.

It seemed like a lot of money for groceries but it was enough to let Joel avoid leaving the house again for a least three or four days.

The card reader let out a flat honk. “Declined,” the man behind the counter said.

“Let me try it again,” Joel said.

HONK.

“Do you have another way to pay?” the man asked Joel.

“No, but there’s at least $50 in the account,” he said.

“It’s declined. Do you have cash?”

“No, but there’s money in there.”

“Then you’ll have to go to the bank to get your cash out,” the man said, pulling the handbasket across the counter to his side.

“If there was negative stars this place would get them all,” Colby Stimpson’s review read. “They won’t do business with their best shoppers and it means they will LOOSE THEM ALL! Bad customer service = never shopping there again because of the experience. Totally negligent and discrimination from the clarks with no respect. I wouldn’t give a rip if this place burned down tomorrow. Shop at a better place who cares about customers such as Murphy’s.”

Joel’s hunger strike didn’t last long. He woke up the next morning with an empty stomach and a headache so bad he winced. He needed sugar and caffeine. He put on his Crocs, pulled $5 in quarters from the old coffee tin his mother used to collect coins and started his trek to the Stop-N-Shop. He had barely turned the first corner when he saw the black smoke rising from the other side of the strip mall. He picked up his pace excited at the prospect of seeing something burning down and turned the last corner wheezing from the brisk walk to find a few beams and a row of gas pumps covered in ash where the Stop-N-Shop was a day earlier.

The fire must have started hours ago because only one fire truck remained and its sirens weren’t even on. How the sound didn’t wake him up just two blocks away was a mystery but the store caught fire sometime during the night and there was nothing but rubble left.

Joel was dismayed by his first thought. “I’ll have to walk another six blocks to the next store.”

His second thought put him in a better mood: “I did this.”

Joel spent the rest of the afternoon pacing his room taking mental note of everyone and every company that had ever wronged him, no matter how minor a slight.

“I wish there were zero stars instead of one star but it’s thanks to everyone gets a trophy in this society,” read Colby Stimpson’s screed on the Old Navy Facebook page. “The employees at this particular location are very judgemental and have no interest in finding what is the truth from lying customers. They have a changing room that is just a curtain and if you are man and are shopping there and have to try on clothes you can’t knock on a curtain. And when you open it and there’s a girl in there the employees at this location will say the cops are coming even though you followed all their own rules. I hope they all get laid off for being INCOMPETENT!”

Joel stayed up for hours on end posting in an almost fugue state. Long-forgotten memories came flooding back.

A Hormel Chili can that had some kind of root vegetable in it. “Can you say health codes? What is going on in that factory?”

A grocery store that was always out of his favorite pasta sauce. “Disappointing to say the least. This store needs to be shut down ASTAT!”

A Target whose manager once refused to let him return a package of briefs that were too small. “This store is a scam! How would you even know if they fit if you can’t try them on but then you can’t return them once you put them on? The BBB needs to investigate this illegitimate business.”

In the weeks that followed came a reign of terror. Inspectors shut down canneries for unsanitary conditions. Shopping malls closed, taking out all of their tenants at once. Stock prices dropped and stores were closed after bad earnings calls.

From his fingertips to God’s ears.

As time went on, Joel realized it was easier than he first realized. He hardly had to mention a slight or even why he was offering a one-star rating. Just posting an inane comment in the reviews was enough to cause some damage.

“This hammer looks weak and dumb. One star crap,” Colby Stimpson’s review read. A week later, a pallet of ball-peen hammers crushed a warehouse worker at an Amazon fulfillment center 1,200 miles away.

The allure of this new power kept Joel so occupied that he rarely left his room. He barely had time to eat between screeds and he had lost almost 20 pounds in a month. He had only seen his mother twice in that time, so he hadn’t noticed she, too, was quickly losing weight until she collapsed in the shower.

Joel’s fingers tapped on his knees, as much a nervous tick as a habit now as he sat next to his mother’s hospital bed. There were machines and tubes keeping her stable but the doctor warned him they were a temporary fix at best. Days, maybe hours, were all she had left.

Joel awoke the next morning to a nurse sitting next to him in the waiting room her a hand on his arm.

“Are you Mr. J. Porter? Annie’s son?” she asked as Joel sat up and nodded. “I’m sorry, sir, but your mother has passed.”

Joel spent the next two hours walking home to clear his mind and subconsciously avoiding his destination by taking the long way through a park. He sat at a picnic table for a moment and felt the tears cut chilly trails down his face in the crisp fall air. Phone in hand, he opened Facebook and searched for the hospital’s page.

“I wish I could surgically remove stars from the ratings because the doctors and employees here are MALIGNANT AND DISEASED and all their tools look more like they are from 1819 not 2019,” read Colby Stimpson’s review. “This place is so filthy I would not be surprised if they cause a new plague.”

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