#i deserve to get dicked down by zoe and have her say mean things to me and that’s all this is really

[luviedovey]

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show...... also Connor is probably ooc 

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,573

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else was around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt?  We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god... You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

The two of you sat in your old beat up truck, as Evan told you everything. And by everything i mean everything. He started from the very beginning, “My dad left when I was 7 so now it’s just me and my mom. She works all the time at the hospital to support us and to pay for her education- she’s studying to be a paralegal- and so I’m usually home alone. I have anxiety so I take medication and go to therapy where I have to write a letter to myself hyping myself up for the day and trying to be positive and stuff-” “’Dear Evan Hansen’...”

He looked up from his hands at you, “Yeah.. Connor had one of my letters when he- um.. he took it from me earlier that day..” “It was your therapy letter? Why did he take it from you?” “Oh! You see he didn’t actually know it was a letter to myself for therapy he just thought I was being creepy and writing about his sister in a letter to print it out where he would find it and freak out and explode or something- That wasn’t why though, I didn’t even know he was in the room with me, I thought I was alone. He signed my cast before he read my letter, though. He said, ‘Now we both can pretend we have friends.’ Which is why I thought doing what I did would be okay but it wasn’t and it never will be and I really shouldn’t justify my actions because it was-” “Evan breathe.” “Right, sorry.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” “Okay sor-” You gave him a pointed look.

“O-okay...” You giggled slightly, looking out of the window at the supermarket parking lot, “So.. he ran out with your letter, pissed because he thought you were fucking with him... And then he killed himself.” “Yeah.”

“So what happened after that?” “The Murphy’s showed up in the principal’s office three days later. I knew something was wrong because Connor and Zoe both weren’t in school and I know Connor skips but it’s not likely that they would both be out on the same days. Zoe doesn’t really skip school- she’s not that kind of person.” You nodded, gesturing to get to the point. “Right, they called me into the office because Connor had my letter and my name was on it so they thought the letter was for me. I tried to tell them it wasn’t- that I was the one who wrote it, but they were in denial. They kept reading parts of my letter back to me from memory, trying to make sense of it but I couldn’t tell them- I couldn’t get through to them....” He sighed.

“They invited me over to dinner and I went because I wanted to set the record straight but when I got there, they wanted to hear everything I knew about Connor. But I didn’t know anything, so whenever they brought something up I just nodded and agreed. Zoe was getting suspicious so I started to make things up. ‘Connor loved to talk about how much he hated skiing.’ ‘Connor took us to A La Mode and we ate our ice cream in the apple orchard where we climbed trees and raced across the open fields.’ ‘We would quote songs by our favorite bands.’ ‘We’d tell jokes no one else would understand.’ All lies. And they believed them. They wanted me to keep talking, they needed me to. They were broken and I just wanted to help them. I told them that we were friends on the internet where we’d email each other to talk about our day and stuff. And Connor would use a secret email account because he knew his dad was checking his regular email, and he didn’t want anyone to know we were friends.... Now that I think about it, this kind of sounds like your story.” You laughed, lightening the mood, and nodded.

“You know, you really aren’t that far off from who Connor was, despite the fact that you were making it up as you went. He wasn’t the monster that everyone thought he was. I mean sure in 2nd grade he pushed over a printer because he had a little tantrum about being skipped for line leader, but what kid doesn’t have a tantrum at least once in their life? It definitely didn’t help that all those kids grew up, making the story sound worse than it really was. He was always angry and stand-offish because everyone in his life would say shit about him that wasn’t true or be nice to him to get close enough to learn something new about him and then turn around and make fun of him for it. He was battling depression and needed help but his family didn’t want to believe there was anything actually wrong with him. I was the only one to believe him. To believe in him. But I’m just one person, and I guess that wasn’t enough..” You trailed off. Evan awkwardly put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb as a way to console you.

It was silent for a moment. “I think he would’ve liked you. It would’ve taken him a while to warm up to you, but I really do think the two of you could’ve been friends.” Evan smiled slightly, before frowning. “I pretended to be his friend for so long, but Alana- she’s the co-president of the Connor Project- started getting suspicious about our friendship, saying that the letters didn’t make sense because it sounded like Connor was getting better so I showed her Connor’s ‘suicide note’-” “Dear Evan Hansen, It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?”

“...Yeah. She believed me too. I told her not to show anyone because it was a really private thing, but she just said that was exactly what people needed to see. She posted it and people on the internet started to attack the Murphy’s, saying things like ‘They’re a rich family who couldn’t bother to pay for their son to get help?’ and ‘I’m not saying to do anything illegal but their house is the pale yellow house at the end of the cul de sac with a red door.’” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. “They even leaked Zoe’s phone number and their house phone! Everything was just spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and the only thing I could think of to do was just.. them the truth. So I did and I told them everything. I wrote the letter, Connor took it from me, we weren’t really friends, and it was all a lie. I haven’t spoken to the Murphy’s since.” He fiddled with his hands in his lap and sighed. “And.. I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll go to school and everyone will hate me or that the Murphy’s will ruin my life.. Not that I don’t deserve it, after what I did? I deserve worse.”

“Evan.. No one deserves that, especially not you. What you did wasn’t exactly the right thing to do but you had the best intentions.” He nodded silently, “What did you want to ask me earlier anyways?”

You turned, facing down at the wheel in front of you. “I wanted to ask you if you knew where he was buried.”, a tear slipped from your eye as you sighed, smiling sadly, “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye..” “I could go with you if you’d like. To show you the way?”

“Thank you, Evan.”

___

During the ride to the cemetery, You and Evan talked, trying to lighten the mood, and quickly became best friends. The two of you didn't have so much in common but you were both very comfortable and supportive of each other. You were like the siblings neither of you had.

The two of you stepped out of the truck, and begun walking to Connor’s grave. “Oh! Hold on..” You turn back, grabbing a beautiful bouquet of red roses and pink tulips, with a small white card that said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough when you needed it, Connor. I will never forget you, mon amour. I love you, always.” Connor didn’t have a specific favorite flower but he did appreciate their meanings. Roses represent love, and tulips represent a declaration of love. You hoped that even though he was gone he would still appreciate the thought you put into it.

The two of you walked up to his grave. It was at this moment when it hit you that he was really gone forever. You dropped to your knees, carefully placing down the flowers. Tears streaming as you silently sobbed, Evan’s hand on your left shoulder and the ghost of Connor’s hand on your right.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, before agreeing to leave in case the Murphy’s decided to visit. Neither of you really wanted to run into them and have to explain who you were and why you were there. “Do you want to come over to my house? You look emotionally exhausted.” You laughed and nodded, starting up the car.

___

“Why didn’t you come to town sooner?” You sighed, “I just.. I didn’t want to believe that he was really gone, you know? And coming here, seeing his grave, and his grieving family just confirmed what I prayed wasn’t true.” You sipped on the hot chocolate in your hands, staring out of the window at the pouring rain and cloudy night sky. “Have you met them yet?” Evan mumbled, typing on his laptop on the couch beside you. He pulled up the Connor Project and read about all the many different things Alana was doing. “No.. But I feel like I should? Like I know things about Connor that would give them closure but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk to them.”

“If only there was a way for you to show them what Connor was really like so you wouldn’t have to talk to them...” It was silent for a moment, “Actually... Connor and I used to write each other handwritten letters and take a lot of pictures together..” “Well what are the odds..” he giggled, “Maybe you could give those to them? The ones that aren’t super personal?” You sat together deeply in thought.

“But I can’t exactly bring myself to just give them away... Maybe I could copy them and white out all the personal stuff? Like the things between me and Connor only, and my face and name?” Evan nodded, agreeing that that would be the best option. You’d create a box filled with things Connor wrote and pictures of when he was truly happy, then leave it on the Murphy’s doorstep. It was a safe, no-contact interaction.

___

The next night, you went over to Evan’s house with the box labeled “The Real Connor Murphy. (i’m so sorry for your loss.. i thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.)” Evan gave you directions to the Murphy household. Eventually, you parked in front of the pale yellow house, all three cars were in the driveway. “You better be quick if you don’t want anyone to see you.. Just.. keep the car running, drop off the box, ring the doorbell, and book it back here and drive off. Don’t turn back.” “Okay super spy.” You laughed nervously.

You walked up to the door, placing the box neatly on the ground with a single rose and tulip tapped on the top, rang the doorbell, and ran off. You jumped into the car and drove off just as Evan, who was previously hiding away from the car window, saw the red front door begin to open.

___

“Larry!” Cynthia Murphy exclaimed, picking up the box from the front porch to the dinner table, placing it beside the small card they had found on a mysterious bouquet of flowers they found the day before against Connor’s gravestone. “What is that?” He asked, looking at it with disinterest. “I found it on the porch, it says ‘The Real Connor Murphy. I’m so sorry for your loss.. I thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.’ It’s in the same handwriting as the note we found on that bouquet of flowers. It even has the same two flowers! It has to be the same person. Someone who really loved him...” “What’s inside?” Zoe asked while reading and rereading the small card.

Cynthia opened the box to find handwritten letters from Connor and a mystery girl, photos of Connor laughing, smiling, pouting, hugging and kissing someone with a scratched out face. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was the real Connor, a whole different version of him that the three were completely unaware of. Seeing him like this was just so unfamiliar to them, they couldn’t believe their eyes for a moment. Zoe picked up a letter, reading it aloud,

“Dear Y/N

Things haven’t been going so well lately, my parents are always fighting, my mom pretends like there’s nothing wrong, my dad doesn’t pay attention to anyone but himself anymore, and Zoe hates me.

Not that I blame her, I hate myself too. But I don’t hate myself when I’m around you. I’m so glad to have you around. You make life just a little easier every day.

It’s harder when you’re not around, I get angry easier when I get bullied at school or when Zoe says something awful about me. I just feel like I’m an airplane about to crash, but with you around I feel like I’m flying. Smooth sailing. Floating even. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.

Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely, Con”

“He.. he had a girlfriend..?” She said, in shock. The three began to shuffle through the letters, photos, and little post-it notes, putting them in piles. “These are all copied..” “Maybe whoever left them didn’t want to give the originals away..?” “Maybe because she still cares about and loves him and didn’t want to give these away. They seem so.. personal.” Cynthia picked up a post-it note,

“Tu es belle Y/N, je t'adore.”

“What does that even mean?” Zoe pulled out her phone going straight to google translate, “It’s says ‘you are beautiful, i adore you.’.. I didn’t know Connor knew french.” “He never took a class for it. Maybe he learned it on his own?” Larry picked up a photo this time, Connor was standing in front of the apple orchard’s rotting old sign in the middle of the field, fake pouting and wearing a thin little flower crown you had made him. “I didn’t know Connor had any feelings other than anger.” Cynthia hit his arm. “Wait,” Zoe said, grabbing the attention of her bickering parents, “This letter has a picture and a post-it note attached to it.”

“Dear Con,

Thank you for the painting, it’s absolutely beautiful. You are so so talented. The way you put so much thought into every detail is truly admirable. You make everything you paint so exciting and captivating, even if the thing you’re painting isn’t very exciting at all. You see the beauty in the things that most people never give a second glance.

It kind of reminds me of the way I look at you.

To most people that don’t know you, you are a “freak” or “school shooter chic”. But, when I look at you, you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are captivating, you are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. Don’t give up on me darlin’.

I love you.

Sincerely, Y/N/N”

Attached to the letter was a photo of the painting mentioned. It was a painting of your beaten old navy blue truck parked beside a chain link fence that blocked it off from the open field. In the background, the sun was setting in a perfect blend of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was so detailed that if you weren’t already aware that it was a painting, you would’ve probably thought it was a photo taken from a fancy camera. “It really is beautiful..” Cynthia trailed off, wiping a stray tear that fell from her eye, “He was so talented. I didn’t even know he liked to paint! I mean I knew he took an art class but because he skipped school so much, I never even thought he went..”

“I guess we really didn’t know Connor at all..” Zoe begun to get angry, “What kind of family does that?! I mean we lived with him, I grew up with him, you two raised him, and we still didn’t even know who he was?! This.. this stranger even knew more about him than we did! Do you realize how sad this is? We have to learn about our dead family member from a complete stranger because when he was alive, we were too busy pretending like he was just acting out for attention instead of actually needing help! He needed help and we didn’t give it to him! It’s not like we couldn’t afford to take him to therapy! We just pretended like he was a monster and if we ignored him, he would stop..” She took a deep breath, “Maybe we were the monsters and his anger and tantrums were his cries for help...” “Zoe..” Cynthia reached for her arm but she pulled away, running up to her room while choking back tears. “..She’s right.”

The two were quiet for a long period of time, reading and rereading every letter and every note, memorizing every photo.

Cynthia held up a photo of Connor and a girl, whose face was completely scratched out, “Who are you..”

___

The next day was a particularly warm day so you and Evan drove over to A La Mode as a victory ice cream run of sorts. You really believed in treating yourself after small, seemingly insignificant, victories such as dropping off a box of precious letters to a grieving family. They needed closure, and you were willing to give it them. Evan, despite talking about A La Mode with the Murphy’s before, had never actually been. You two talked and ate your ice cream sitting in the back of your truck, looking out at the orchard across the street. The orchard was renamed the “Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard”, which made your heart a little heavy. Another reminder that he was really gone.

In the distance, on the other side of the fence sat the Murphy’s who were packing up from their weekly picnic. As they got up to walk out of the orchard, Zoe looked across the street. “Wait a minute..” Her parents stopped walking. “What is it Zoe?” Larry asked. She pointed at the car parked across the street, “Isn’t that the car that Connor painted his girlfriend in that letter? And Evan?” They looked across the street to find the same navy blue truck and a familiar face.

Evan paled, “The Murphy’s are looking at us!” he whisper-shouted. You began to turn around, but Evan stopped you. “No don’t look!” Your head whipped back to him as your face paled, “They recognized my car..” “How could they? It was night time when you dropped off the box and the door barely begun to open as you drove away..”

You smiled sheepishly, “I may or may not have given them a picture of a painting Connor made me of my truck parked beside that exact fence...” Evan facepalmed and gave you a deadpanned look. “Well they’re starting to walk across the street now.”

You shot up, “Let’s go.” “I mean would it be so bad to meet his parents?” Evan asked as the two of you scrambled into the front seats. “I’m just.. I’m not ready to have that conversation just yet.” You reversed out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road.

“Wait!” The Murphy’s shouted to the car as it begun to drive off. “There was a girl driving. Maybe that was her?” Cynthia asked, hopefulness clear in her voice. “She was with Evan, do you think the box of letters were fake?” Larry, always the optimist. “They couldn’t be, they were handwritten in Connor’s handwriting. Even the french notes.”

Zoe thought for a moment, “Well if we’re going to find her, we should probably start with Evan’s place first.” “Who said we were going to look for her?” Larry asked, “I’m not wasting my time on a wild goose chase. She’s already shown us enough about Connor.”

Cynthia turned to her husband, “How could you say that? She could be the one thing to bring us closer to our son. Our son who took his own life because he felt that that was the only path left for him. And you don’t want to try to find her? Find closure? Honestly Larry, what is wrong with you lately!” “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

___

The Murphy’s found themselves at the Hansen household. They knew you were there. After all, your truck was parked in the driveway. Inside were you, Heidi, and Evan. You had just met Heidi, but she loved you. She was thrilled to find that Evan had made a friend like you. You hung out with Evan even after learning he lied about being friends with your recently deceased boyfriend, and helped him when he started to rant and breathe heavy about it. You were so kind-hearted, forgiving, and calm by nature, that he was finally comfortable around someone. You were quickly best friends.

A knock at the door startled the three of you. “Are you guys expecting anyone?”, Heidi stood up to get the door as you and Evan turned to each other. He placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “I suppose now’s a good time as ever, even though I really only had 24 hours to prepare myself..” You muttered, the two of you walking towards the front door.

The Murphy’s stopped and stared at you. “Are you.. Were you Connor’s girlfriend?” Cynthia asked. You nodded slightly, rubbing your arm as a nervous habit. “I’m Cynthia, this is Larry and Zoe.. We’re Connor’s family.” “I know.”

Heidi invited them in, everyone heading to the living room. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.. We just wanted to thank you for all the letters and photos of Connor. It feels like we’re finally getting to know who he really was on the inside.” You looked up from your lap, “No offense ma’am, but shouldn’t you have gotten to know your own son when he was still around?”

Zoe laughed, awkward and uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s funny.. especially considering you didn’t bother to get to know him either.” You said getting defensive, sticking up for Connor. Even if he was gone, you would never stop fighting for him. You did truly love him after all. “And before you say ‘Connor wasn’t easy to talk to. He would always yell and storm off.’, just think about the fact that having a relationship with someone is a two way street. You can’t expect someone to make an effort if you don’t try to do the same.”

The three looked at her in shock. Heidi and Evan smiling sheepishly in the background. “I..”, Larry started, but trailed off, not being able to come up with a proper response. Cynthia and Zoe looked deep in thought, unable to do the same.

It was quiet for a long amount of time.

“You’re right. You’re right and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. And the only thing we could do now is learn from our mistakes. We don’t exactly know how we’re going to do that but we’re willing to try. And we’re hoping that you could help us? Help us figure out what to do and help us learn about who Connor was?” Zoe finally spoke up, her parents nodding along in agreement.

You were trying to heal from everything that happened and them putting all their hope on you wasn’t really helping. But maybe grieving together would allow everyone to heal and remember him in a more positive way? At least you hoped.

There’s a lot of hope pinned on others here.

“I suppose helping you all would let us heal.. together?” You said, slightly questioning your own words, turning toward Evan. He shrugged, giving you a thumbs-up. “But I don’t feel comfortable talking about Connor unless Evan is around.” You paused, “It’d be nice to have a familiar face around and we’re practically best friends now.. so..” “Yes of course.” The three stood up, walking to the front door, “We’ll come back here at 11AM tomorrow and drive to the orchard for a picnic if that’s alright with the two of you?” You and Evan nodded simultaneously. “Are you allergic to anything dear?”

With the shake of your head and a quick goodbye from Evan and Heidi, the Murphy’s were off.

“Am I doing the right thing here? Connor didn’t even want his family to known I existed! And now we’re going on a picnic with them? Where I have to talk about him?” You sat down, head in your hands as a headache begun to grow. Heidi placed her hand on your shoulder gently, “It’s going to be tough right now, and it’s going to be emotionally draining, I’m sure. But, if you really think that they deserve to know who he really was, that how they perceive him is wrong, then I think you are doing the right thing. You’re helping them, you’re helping yourself, and you’re helping Connor. You did say that he wanted to change the way people saw him. And you’d be doing that for him, even if he’s not physically around to see it happen.”

“Thank you, Heidi.”

___

“It’s really nice of you to agree to meet us here, Y/N. And Evan, it’s nice to have you here too.” Cynthia smiled, putting down a blanket for the picnic. Everyone sat down in an awkward silence.

“So... is.. is there anything you wanted to know that wasn’t already in the letters?” You asked, picking at the blades of grass beside you. Evan slapped your hand away from the grass, silently scolding you in true forest ranger fashion for messing with nature. The Murphy’s turned to each other, silently debating what to say and who would say it. No surprise to you and Evan that the one to speak up was Cynthia. The past couple of hours really showed that she was the only one who seemed to care, at least a little bit, about Connor when he was around, though Zoe and Larry were trying their best now.

“Why didn’t Connor bring you around to meet the family? It really seemed like you brought so much light to his life. I mean, you brought out parts of him that we didn’t even know existed!” “We thought he was a monster...” Zoe muttered sadly.

Your heart ached for this family, they really knew nothing about him.. “Connor didn’t bring me around because he was afraid you’d all ‘scare me off’,” you laughed slightly, “And Connor may have been a monster to you, but the real Connor was never a monster, to me or to anyone in my small town. In the next town over, no one knew who Connor was or what he’d done in the past. It was like a fresh start. Which I knew he desperately needed. I mean, with all the people bullying him, hurting him physically or emotionally or both, and spreading fake rumors about him since he was in the second grade? He was angry and hurting and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he would lash out. But wouldn’t you react the same way? Build up walls so people wouldn’t hurt you? Isolate yourself so people couldn’t get close enough to?”

It went silent again, the only sound was the wind blowing in the summer breeze and the trees rustling in the background.

“She’s right.”

Everyone looked up, faces showing some form of shock. Larry continued, “All that stuff was going on in school and we made it worse for him at home. He asked us for help and we always assumed he was doing for attention. No matter how hard we tried to be a perfect family, we never were and we probably never will be.”

Zoe wiped away a stray tear. “Even though you couldn’t save your kid, maybe there’s a way you could save someone else’s?” He turned to you with a questioning glance. “I mean you have to admit, you’re a pretty wealthy family, maybe you can spend some time donating to suicide prevention hotlines and foundations that were created specifically to help those who are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts like Connor was? I know for a fact that Connor hated the way that he felt, and would never want anyone to go through what he’d been going through, no matter how much of an asshole they were.”

Cynthia reached over to you, placing a hand on your knee, smiling as tears fell freely from her face, from all of their faces. “That’s a brilliant idea, Y/N.”

___

The picnic went on as you told them stories of your’s and Connor’s adventures together. Jumping over the fence to lay around in the yellow fields of the old orchard, helping your mom arrange flowers in her flower shop (he would always make sure his bouquets were well thought out in their meaning), buying junk food and snacks when having movie marathons on a Saturday night, sketching and painting moments together so you two would never forget them.

With each little story, his family knew more about him and you felt as close to him as you had been before that heart-wrenching summer day. 

You fell behind from the group as you all walked out of the orchard. Turning back and taking one last look at the entrance, the fields, and the growing trees of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard, you notice a figure dressed in black standing with his back against the fence. He gave you a smile, a genuine yet sad smile, mouthing the words “thank you” and “i love you”, before disappearing in the wind.

[rin-00]

Kieu My’s Ex (a little perspective on Kieu My’s insecurities)

It’s 1:17 am and she’s still here. The smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke is starting to make her dizzy and the loud music is making her head pound. He promised they would leave soon about an hour ago but yet he’s still in the middle of the room with a bottle of beer dancing with his friends. Her friends had left a while ago, Ismail and Finn had been carrying a passed out Constantine back home when Zoe offered to stay with her but she said there was no need because she thought they would be gone by now. She’s not in the mood to party, after getting into an argument with her parents over all the time she spent working at the store instead of studying all she wanted to do was relax with her boyfriend and talk. But he’s too busy chugging alcohol through a tube with his douchebag friends.

Kieu My met Trevor (that’s the most assholy name I can think of) a month ago when she accompanied Constantine to one of his late night parties. They had hit it off, he made her laugh with his antics and he liked that she could keep up with him. They never really went on an actual date other than going to parties that would end up with both of them hungover in each others arms but Kieu My was never bothered by it in the beginning because during the day when they would talk it felt like she was being seen. He would listen to her problems and offer help, sometimes he would be a bit too much of a know it all regarding her issues and would butt in while she was speaking but she figured it was just one of those guy things. But it’s been a while since they actually had one of those talks. Ever since her and her parents started arguing over her hours at their store, he seemed to be less interested in her. This party was the first time they had seen eachother in a week and the first time they had spoken to one another in a couple of days.

“Kieu My! Come here! Come here!”

An arm wrapped themselves around her waist and she was pulled close to a tall body that reeked of beer and cigarettes, “Guys! I want you to look at my girlfriend! She’s so pretty!”

Laughing at Trevor, Kieu My felt her body relax and she let out a sigh of relief. Finally, it was like they were back to normal. But yet something felt off. The arm around her, something she used to find solace in, felt uncomfortable.

“We’ve been dating for like a month! Look, she’s so pretty! She’s great arm candy, huh?”, he joked beside her.

The laughter that rung out from his friends left her with a pit in her stomach. Arm candy?

“She’s a great kisser too, if you know what I mean”, whooping and cheers were directed at the couple but while Trevor was basking in the glory all the attention gave him, Kieu My felt tears build up in her eyes.

Tugging on his arm, she pulled him towards one of the empty bedrooms and slammed the door shut at the whistles coming from the small crowd outside, “What’s wrong with you?”

“What?” Swaying from side to side to try and find his balance, the drunk teenager decided to plop down on the bed before squinting at Kieu My, “What do you mean?”

“Arm candy? Are you serious?”

“It was a joke. And a compliment. I said you were pretty, what’s wrong with that?”

“You made me really uncomfortable out there, Trevor.”

“Jesus. This is why I have been avoiding you all week! It’s all drama with you. You won’t shut up about it.”

“Excuse me?”

“I did what I had to do in the beginning of this relationship. I listened to your stupid whining about your family and your fucking grades. I sat there and tolerated your boring ass speeches about space and plants and shit. I did my part. Dont you think I deserve a bit of a break from your bullshit? It’s so annoying sometimes, Kieu My.”

Her lower lip trembling, Kieu My looked up at the ceiling to try and calm herself before tears start falling from her eyes because she’ll be damned if she cries infront of someone. She took a step towards him as he lay star fished on the bed with hands rubbing the sides of his temple.

“Honestly,” he continued. “You’re so pretty. Really fucking hot. But you can do well with learning how to shut the fuck up sometimes.”

“And you’re a 17 year old alcoholic who can’t function normally without a beer in your hand. Nobody has told you this before, but everytime you stand in the middle of the room drunk off your ass it’s embarrassing. You’re embarrassing. Having to haul your drunk ass outside every morning was such a waste of time. You obviously deserve to sit in your own vomit all day just so you can wake up and do the same shit all over again. Here’s a fucking news flash, breaking tables and chugging beer is the only slightly interesting thing about you. I’m boring? At least I have something I like that doesn’t consist of me body slamming by douchebag friends every night and then passing out in my own drunken vomit. Asshole.”

“Yeah? I still hit though. You can bitch about me all you want but I still got the hot Asian girl to bed didn’t I?”

Grabbing the nearby lamp on the table next to her, Kieu My lifted it and in a momentary flash she saw absolute fear in the boy’s eyes and for a moment she thought about being the bigger person but then his words rung out in hear head once more and she swung the metal rod down at his crotch.

The group outside who were previously joking about what the couple were doing inside the bedroom snapped their heads towards the sound of a loud scream and a “You bitch!”. The door slammed open and the crowd collectively took a step back at the sight of Kieu My holding a bent lamp in her right hand, looking pissed and ready to kill someone.

Taking a deep breath in, she dropped the lamp and casually walked to the front door. Once she was a couple steps away from the house, though, she felt her tears finally come out. It was her first relationship and in the end he didnt even want anything to do with her other than have sex. She blamed herself for not being able to see it. And she blamed herself for actually liking the prick. Despite his harsh words, she still felt a sadness settle in her heart and loneliness was starting to creep in. Taking her phone out with shaky hands, she texted Zoe to come get her while she sat on the side of the road crying and shivering from the cold.

Screw relationships, she thought, I’m better off alone.

A little added pov from where Kieu My’s insecurities come from. I tried to make Trevor ass much of a dick as possible by basing him off of the fuckbois I see on tiktok. Unfortunately, the stuff he says are stuff I’ve actually heard said to other girls. Reminder: you’re better than whatever the fuck a prick says about you. Dont settle from less.

Anyways here’s the second fic I wrote today. I’ll upload this on my ao3 too. Send me prompts to help distract me from my sadness that the season is over

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Empires on the Horizon XII

Jason is a CEO: Part XII

Here’s my masterlist for the next part and my other stuff

Just wanted to say thank you for being so patient with me. It means more than you could ever know. I love you guys! Please enjoy.

TW: violence

I hope you understand

you need your own love

more than they do.

-Dhiman

Good day this is Jason Grace. I’m currently unavailable. Please contact my office if you need to get a hold of me.

The music blasted in his ears, rattling every cell in his brain, shutting down each transmitter, pounding against every cage. It was not loud enough, he could still feel his heart, could still hear things. The treadmill under his feet beeped as he increased the speed again. Why wasn’t this working? Why was he still here? He’d been running so long he should be on Mars by now.

Good day this is Jason Grace. I’m currently unavailable. Please contact my office if you need to get a hold of me.

FUCK.

He jumped off the machine and flung his phone across the room. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough to do this.

His phone went off again, and he’s annoyed he didn’t break it in his rage. Apparently even destroying something was an impossibility for him. The thought was so pathetic he couldn’t help but let out a sharp laugh.

Good day this is Jason Grace. I’m curr–

“Okay!” He yelled, “I’m answering the fucking call. Just shut up.” He stabbed at the screen until the dial tone started up again.

“Jase?” Annabeth Chase sucked in a breath.

“Yes, what is wrong?” He knew he was being rude but he didn’t feel like it. Didn’t want what was about to happen.

“Can we come in?”

“You guys are outside my apartment?” He scowled.

“Uh yes,” She winced, “We tried knocking but you didn’t answer.”

He cut the call and walked to the front door, yanking it open with enough force to rattle the hinges.

“What do you want?”

Leo Valdez just levelled his gaze at him and stepped into the room.

“Guys, I know you mean well but I really don’t have the energy for this.”

They both ignored him, putting down the shopping bags on his kitchen counter and shoving stuff in the fridge. Leo hit the button on the coffee machine and grabbed three mugs from the cupboard.

Jason didn’t even have the strength to ask what was going on, he just collapsed onto a bar stool and put his head to the cool marble. His friends moved around him in silence, putting things away, washing the minimal dishes in the sink, and straightening the pillows on the couch. Eventually he felt them come nearer, leaning against the counter and looking at him.

“Jase,” Annabeth said softly, “Please look at us.”

He debated pretending he was asleep, but he knew they wouldn’t fall for it. With a deep breath he raised his head and stared into their matching eyes of love.

“Stand up,” Leo requested, voice gentle.

He felt his lip wobble, felt his throat close up. But he stood.

“Come here my darling.” They held out their arms.

He looked at them and collapsed to the floor, sobs catching like swords in his chest. They enveloped him as his tears soaked their clothes. He heaved with heart ache and loneliness, betrayal.

“I can’t do this,” He cried, anguish a serrated edge on his tongue. “I can’t do this.”

The just kept holding him. His friends for these years. His family through it all. They sat on the floor trying to catch all the pieces of him that broke off with each sob, not a word to interrupt his grief. And when the day blackened as dark as his lungs, they held each other by the light of the moon, and let the stars witness the destruction they caused.

***

Jason walked into his office for the first time in a week and pretended to be on a call as he avoided the chatter his employees would undoubtedly try to engage him in. A tight-lipped smile and an apologetic motion at his phone left them in their seats and far away from him. He wouldn’t be here for long. No he just had to sort out a few things and then he was packing up his crushed elation and taking himself to a place no-one save for the birds would be able to talk to him.

His office was just the way he left it, some documents neatly piled on his desk waiting for his approval, the blinds half closed so the sun still filtered in but didn’t blind, and his computer opened to the email he had been typing to Zoe about a holiday they should go on. It took everything in him not to smash the screen with the little cactus paperweight Hazel had bought him.

“Boss,”

Think of the assistant and they shall appear.

“Yes,” He didn’t bother to look up as he shuffled through the awaiting files.

“How-“ She gulped, ‘How are–“

“Levesque,” His voice was cold but it was the only way to get through this, “I mean this in the nicest way possible. Please don’t ask me that. Thank you for being concerned.”

She nodded, jaw-snapping shut, but he could see all the questions burning in her eyes. Instead she released a shaky breath and asked, “Will you be back at work full time? I just need to know if I should be transferring calls to you or putting in an out of office notification.”

He frowned, mulling it over. He could work, he should work. But everything reminds him of his failures. Of the things he didn’t see coming. And his job was nothing if not full of surprises. As he’s about to tell her his decision his phone rang.

His sister’s name flashed across the screen and he knew he couldn’t keep avoiding her.

“Fina-fucking-ly.” She grumbled, “Gees Jase. It’s like you’re purposefully ignoring me. Are you ready for today?”

He was so caught off by her question he forgot all about telling her the news. “Today?”

“Do not tell me you forgot,” She sighed, “We’re supposed to meet Octavian today. Give the idiot a piece of our mind.”

“Oh,” He muttered eloquently, “Are we still doing that?”

“Well I don’t know about you but I’m pretty pissed he dared to hurt one of our own so yes I do think we’re still doing that. Also this is the only day Bianca has so get your ass out of your office and meet me outside Titan Industries in twenty.”

With that the phone gave an obnoxious beep and the screen went dark. He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to gather the scattered thoughts in his mind.

“We’ll talk later,” Hazel, still waiting at the door, nodded before waving a goodbye and disappearing into her office.

Sighing he gathered his things and trudged down to his car. Might as well get this over with and then tell his sister about Zoe. No matter what had happened between them Octavian still deserved whatever was coming for him. What he did was abominable.

The Titan Industries building loomed over him as he parked the car in a loading zone and hopped out. He was being that dick today, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Thalia swerved in next to him and behind her an array of cars stopped. A team of suited people poured out, black glasses, and head pieces to match. It looked fake enough to be comical. But then a woman in four-inch heels, a gunmetal coloured suit and a smile made from terror stepped out and he knew it was anything but fake. Or funny. She was the single scariest thing he had ever laid eyes on, and he knew what his sister looked like angry.

“Bianca!” Thalia jumped excitedly, racing towards the woman. They embraced with a laugh and a quick catch up. She fist-bumped a few of the bodyguards and then walked towards him.

“Di Angelo,” She smiled, “Please meet my brother Jason and the reason we’re here today.”

“Oh I know all about Jason,” Her voice was low but clear, like everything she said had purpose.

“You do?” He tried not to let the shock take over his features.

“I know everyone who hangs out with my brother. If they don’t get clearance from me they disappear.” She said it with such casualness he would have thought she was joking if the gleam in her black eyes didn’t hold a challenge.

‘Well,” He laughed awkwardly, “Glad I meet your approval.”

She just tilted her head and looked at him. A panther waiting to pounce. A competition waiting to be won.

Thalia who looked entirely too amused clapped her hands, “Shall we then? I wore my blood-stained pants for this.”

“Period stains or other stains?” Bianca asked, mirth dancing on her lips.

His sister just snorted and pushed open the Brobdingnagian door. None of Bianca’s bodyguards followed them in but he knew it didn’t matter. Between her and Thalia he doubted they would be needed.

“We’re here to see Octavian.”

The receptionist gave them a sickly-sweet smile, “Do you have a meeting?

“Tell him it’s Jason Grace from Anemoi Empires.”

Moments later they were being escorted into an elevator and taken up to the big boss himself.

“And what do we have here?” An oily voice grinned, “An intervention? Interrogation? Investment?”

“Octavian Haruspex,” Bianca drawled, examining her long black nails briefly.

“And who might you be?” He snooted, giving her a filthy look.

She smiled slowly and Jason swore the temperature in the room plummeted.

“Does it really matter who I am?”

“Greatly,” The blonde sniffed, leaning against his desk with arrogance, “I prefer to know who I’m speaking to.”

Her laugh was razor sharp as she focused her glittering eyes on him. “Bianca Di Angelo.”

Those pale blue eyes widened, shuttered, blinked. That was all the surprise he would show.

“And what is the Queen of the Underworld doing in my building? With these,” He pulled his face into a look of distaste, “With company such as them.”

Thalia growled, “I’d watch how you speak boy.”

He deigned to laugh, “What are you going to do? This is my empire. You’re just visiting.”

“She’s right,” Bianca said softly, moving to stand by the window.

“What do you want?” He scoffed, “I have work to do.”

“Piece of shit.” Jason muttered, fingers curling into fists at his side.

“I’m not the one who strung your company along for weeks only to deny them the greatest investment opportunity money could buy.” That greasy smile was back.

It took everything in him not to reach over and smack it off his face. “We’re not three-year olds Octavian. Sometimes business doesn’t work out. What you did–“ He breathed, anger making the room red, “What you did was disgusting.” He can feel the exhaustion tugging in his spine. Like a weighted chain wrapping around him.

“What I did?” He raised a bleached brow, “And what exactly did I do Jason Grace?”

“Okay,” Bianca sighed, like she was already bored with the conversation, ‘I’ve had just about enough of this.”

Before anyone could blink a dagger was embedded in Octavian’s table, millimeters from his fingers.

“Bitch!” He cursed, ripping his hand away from the shining blade. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“We don’t believe in lawsuits Octavian. It’s no necessary when people like you deserve to rot at the bottom of a sewer.” Thalia spat.

For the first time since they came in, Jason could see a flicker of fear in the man’s pale face.

“Fuck you,” He grunted, “You can’t prove jackshit.”

“We don’t have to prove anything.” Bianca grinned, “That’s not how street justice works.”

And before he can say another word, she was standing in front of him a second dagger titling his chin up and laughter playing in her eyes, “Now listen, if you ever, and I mean ever touch Jason, his associates, his family, his friends, the person he blinks at on the sidewalk, ever again I will have you erased so violently history will not be able to string the letters of your name together.”

A tiny drop of bright red blood fell to Octavian’s crisp white shirt as his glared at the woman in his space. “Fuck you.”

“Not even if it meant I could rule heaven,” She giggled coldly.

Her face pulled taut, “They are under my protection, from now until the Ouija boards can longer summon me in my grave. If you or your own ever go near them.” She snapped her teeth at him, “Well let’s just say my bodyguards are very creative with their outdoor activities.”

A dark stain spread over Octavian’s grey pants and Jason had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. Fucking coward. Can order a person to stab someone but cannot even handle a little threat.

“Don’t bother doing business on our side of town again.” He hissed. The man didn’t say anything as they turned away. The dull crack of a bone echoed behind him and Jason turned to see his sister leaning over a bloody Octavian, shaking out her hand.

“That was for stabbing my friend, you fucker.”

Through his red teeth he grinned at her, “Your friend huh?”

“What the fuck does that mean?” His sister spat.

The vile man turned towards him, “And has she broken up with you yet?”

Jason wanted to strangle the smirk of his face, wanted to throw up. “It’s none of your business.”

“Isn’t it?” Octavian smiled.

“Come on Jase,” Thalia tugged at his arm, “He’s not worth it.”

He let her drag him away, but the businessman’s unsettling grin played a loop in his head. There was something distinctly wrong about the situation. He had the eery feeling he wasn’t done with Octavian Haruspex just yet.

When they finally made it outside, the sun was still shining brightly as if what occurred could never stain the glory of the world. They said their thank you’s and goodbyes to Bianca and her team of people, Thalia promising to come around soon.

“So,” She grinned at him, “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” He rolled his shoulders, “That wanker got what he deserved but it didn’t make me feel better.”

In a rare moment she opened her arms, a silent offering. He stepped into them without hesitation and drooped onto her shoulder.

“Thals–“ He mumbled, trying to keep the tears at bay, “Zoe and i–“

“I know Jase,” She hugged him tighter. “She called me. Said to tell you she’ll never be sorry enough.”

The dam inside him burst, “Everyone is always sorry. But does anybody actually care?”

She stroked her hands over his back and carried his burden on her shoulders too.

“I think,” She said after a moment, “I think you should go away for a little while. You haven’t had a proper break in nearly three years.”

“Where will I go?” His blue eyes were blurry with tears.

“We have that house in Panarea.” Her voice was soft, soothing in his ear. “Maybe go there for a little while.”

“And what about Project Hestia? And the company? You know I’m starting the Conservation Conversations initiative after Hestia and there’s still so much to close up for the mini projects, and I have that water–“

“Jase!” She frowned, her blue eyes matching his glinted with sternness, “Your company will survive without you for a week or two. Hell it’ll survive for one or two months. But you aren’t going to survive another day if you don’t get some rest.”

“I just–“ He sighed, “I feel bad for abandoning everyone.”

“If you don’t stop, you’ll abandon us permanently and I will literally bring you back to just to kill you myself if you do that.” She squeezed him, “So just go to Italy for a little while. If you want, I’ll stay here and keep things in line. I’m sure Leo and Beth know what to do where I don’t. And Hazel is more than competent enough. Not to mention Frank.”

He took a deep breath, letting the options buzz around in his mind.

“I swear if you come up with one more excuse I’m going to duct-tape your mouth and ship you off myself.”

He gave a burst of laughter and wiped at his eyes, “Okay, okay. I’m going to Panarea. But you have to let me get my life sorted first. I’m not just packing up and taking the first flight out.”

“Deal,” Thalia smiled, and when she gave him one last hug, he realised there were some things in the world he would never want to control.

***

“Okay,” He popped his head around the door, “Flight is booked for two weeks from now.”

She gave him a thumbs up, “And you’re sure you’re okay to go?”

“I’m fine, you worry pot. I promise I’m not going to crumble to dust.”

“Okay,” She looked dubious, “It just seems like you got over all of this really quickly.”

“It was coming for a while,” He shrugged, “She is magnificent, but she isn’t mine.”

“I’m just worried you’re suppressing your feelings and as soon as you have five minutes to breathe, you’re just gonna break down instead.”

“I promise if I breakdown I’ll call you to come get me,” He laughed, “Now, how about we go over the checklist for the trip. And don’t forget to book a hotel for me please.”

“Where are you going again?”

Gorgeous eyes glittered as he caught the sunset lighting up the room in dainty colours. Gods he loved the sun. Loved that no matter what it rose and fell every day and the way it changed colours each evening and again each morning. The way it astounded him no matter how it looked.

“Daydreamer?” Rachel prompted.

“Oh,” He blinked back into the world, “I’m going to Panarea.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What in the world is going on?????

Tags (if you want to be added to/ taken off the tag list just let me know, all my channels of communication are open):

@lesbian-peanuts​

@leydiangelo​​

@queen-of-demons-and-hell​

@msdrpreist​

@sparkythunderstorm​

@nishlicious-01​

@lucyisblue​

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Family Tour pt 3 (Trust Universe)

Warnings: domestic violence

Pairing: Mick Mars x Reader

You couldn't compare the pain you were in. This pain. Not in your head but the disappointment in John. You really thought he changed, but he didn't. When you started to come back to life you heard murmuring. You could hardly make out any words but it was John's and a stranger's. The door closed and it was quiet again. You lifted your head and wanted to touch it desperately, though your hands were tied to the chair you were sitting on.

"Good. You are finally awake." He murmured while pulling another chair with himself and sitting in front of you.

"Where is she?" You inquired jerking your head sideways.

"Don't worry. She is with Heather." He sighed.

"Then why couldn't you just say that? Instead of kicking me out?"

"You would ruin my plan. And I would be pretty angry if you would do that."

"What plan?"

"None of your business."

"It clearly includes Zoe so it's fucking my business, too. John, what the fuck do you want? Why are you doing this?"

"You thought I changed? I only wanted a family with Zoe and you, whereas you didn't want that. You humiliated me in front of many people who think I'm a monster, however you are the one who cheated on me and fucked the whole family up. Our family. You managed to send me to jail, too, and you were sure you will get away with it this easily? Oh, darling, no. Then you don't know me." You heard a knock on the door. "Must be your husband." You were about to shout but John pressed his palm on your mouth. He put his finger on his lips as a sign to be quiet. "If you scream you will never see Zoe again." He threatened. You slightly nodded, tears running down your cheek. He searched in his bag for a couple of minutes when someone knocked again. "In a minute." He yelled. When he finished he walked to you with duck tape in his hand. He cut a piece and put on your lips. "Now you can scream if you want. But I wouldn't do it."

He opened the door and smirked when he saw Mick who was completely worried.

"Hey, man."

"Hi. What is it?" John asked, leaning on the frame.

"Might sound weird but have you seen (Y/N)?" He rubbed the back of his head. "She wasn't in the room and I couldn't find her anywhere."

"I saw her last night when she said goodnight to Zoe then no. She got a phone call at the reception then she ran away without saying anything."

"Speaking of. Thank you for bringing Zoe back to Heather. I appreciate it."

"No problem, man. I know my limits. By the way, if you see (Y/N), would you tell her that I'm gonna leave the town? I have some work to do."

"Yeah sure. Also, do you know who she got the phone call from?"

"I think it was her mother but I'm not so sure." Mick hummed. He knew you completely cut all your connections to your mother so it was odd that she called you. Maybe it was about your dad. "She mentioned his dad or something."

"Ok, thank you again and bye." Mick held his hand to John who shook it. After Mick left the hallway, John closed the door and went back to the room he put you in. You were struggling with the ropes on your wrists.

"My sweet wife. You are wasting time and energy. That rope won't give up. It's not that kind of rope we used back in the days. If you know what I mean." You glared at the man you couldn't believe you married to years ago. You felt a kind of rage you felt at your wedding when you had a fight with your mom. "You know, sometimes I'm wondering if that man can satisfy you. I mean, with that back, I don't think so."

John continued to piss you off. You knew it was his plan to distract you, but he wouldn't manage. You gathered all your patience and tried to stay calm and concentrate on planning. "Oh, my bad. You can't answer with this thing on your mouth. Let me take this off." He pulled down the tape surprisingly carefully.

"You fucking cunt." You spit. "You abusive, mischievous, creepy psycho."

"Wow, is that it? Come on, (Y/N). You can do better than that." He chuckled crossing his arms.

∆

After leaving John, Mick headed towards the reception to ask about that phone call your ex was talking about. "Good morning, ma'am. Last night, my wife got a phone call and I would like to know when. Do you remember or does anyone know?"

"What's her name?"

"(Y/N) Mars. She is with the band, she was wearing black clothes I think."

"Umm, I don't think I met her. Though I will ask around if any of my colleagues saw her. Be right back, sir."

"Thanks," Mick said and started to calm himself down. He was walking in the lobby in circles when Doc stood in the guitarist's way.

"Hey, Mick. Have you seen, (Y/N)? She promised me we will meet in the café this morning but she hasn't turned up yet. She has to do some calls." Doc stated with a tone of annoyance. Doc was kind and friendly until everyone does their job.

"That's my problem, too. And I'm worried sick. I haven't seen her since last night and I can't find her anywhere." He sat down on the couch and placed his face in his palms while resting his elbows on his knees.

"Don't worry, Mick. I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe she just went out a bit. A lot has been going on. The tour and the stress about John. Anyway, have you spoken to him?" Doc asked while taking a seat next to Mick cautiously.

"Just came from him. He said that she got a call and then left. But she would've written note if she went out, wouldn't she? She is not the person to go anywhere without letting anyone know. And she wouldn't have left without Zoe."

"You are right about Zoe. Would you like me to talk to the guys to help you find (Y/N)? I'm sure they would happily help."

"Yeah. That's a great idea, Doc."

∆

"NO! You don't dare. You won't take her away."

"Why not? You would've gladly done the same, no? Bringing her here...to the tour."

"What are you talking about? That was completely different! You are free to visit her, talk to her, and even take her nearby."

"No, you don't understand. You don't know what it's like not seeing her every day, not talking to her, ask about her day even if we spend it together. The amount of time I spent at the jail made me realize that the only important thing, is her. She means everything to me and you are about to steal her from me, (Y/N)."

"You are mad. You are the one who is talking about kidnapping her! It wasn't my intention to take her from you. I even let you see her, let you here while I'm not fond of that. She deserves a life, a family who loves and protects her."

"You mean a family who is always on road, tours with drugs, alcohol, and whores? A child needs a proper house with a proper background."

"Don't dare to tell me how should I treat her!"

"I do whatever I want." You huffed.

"What did you tell him?" You asked after a couple of minutes.

"Who?"

"Mick, you fucking dick! What did you tell to him?"

"That I haven't seen you since last night...."

"What more?"

"...that you got a phone call from your mom."

"Ha! He exactly knows that I cut everything from her."

"But what if it's about your dad? You would be concerned about him, no?"

"Piece of shit. Okay, now enough. Let me go, John. Stop this ridiculous game you are playing. I understand everything and I'm sorry, okay? Just let me go."

"I'm sorry but I can't do that."

∆

"Zoe, please come here," Mick called for your daughter who was climbing on the wall at the playground. She nodded and jumped down as smooth as she was a stuntwoman and approached Mick.

"Yes, daddy?" She sat on the bench and listened with all ears.

"Can I ask something?"

"Sure." She nodded.

"Did mommy said something last night while you were at...at your dad's place?"

"That she will come back to give me a goodnight kiss as usual."

"Sorry, I wasn't clear. When she went over the second time."

"She wasn't there for the second time." Mick's blood froze in his veins.

"What do you mean she wasn't there?"

"Well, she brought me to dad and then didn't come again. While I was sleeping dad brought me back to Aunt Heather and Uncle Tommy. Why? Is mommy in trouble?" She tilted her head pouting.

"I hope not, darling." He pulled the little girl closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Mick gulped starting to realize what happened to you. "But I need you to promise me something. I would like you to stay here and don't go anywhere. Not even with dad, alright?" Mick didn't want to say 'especially with dad' as he didn't want to scare her.

"Alright, daddy. Now can I go back and play?"

"Of course, angel." The girl set off back to her friends and Mick watched her every step.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)!" Tommy yelled while forming a cup from his hands.

"Keep it quiet, man. My head is pounding like hell from your voice." Nikki complained as he and his Terror Twin were walking down the hallways searching you.

"Dude, I'm trying to find (Y/N). (Y/N)!" He continued.

"But she isn't deaf." Nikki slapped Tommy's hands.

"Nikki, we have to find her. Doc is out of his mind and so is Mick. We can't perform like this."

"Both of them are always pissed off."

"Then...there won't be any more alcohol or clubs cause (Y/N) was charged with that if I remember well." Nikki's eyes went round and immediately started shouting your name.

"(Y/N)!!!"

John opened the door, peeked his head out to see if anyone was in the hallway.

"We are going (Y/N). Pack your stuff." John stated earning an odd look from you. A line appeared between your brows and you had question marks above your head.

"Where exactly? Not that I want to."

"Not so far, don't worry." He sighed as he was searching in his bag and smiled when he found the knife. He chuckled when he saw your facial expression. "Oh, (Y/N), I'm not gonna kill you. Do I look like a killer?!" He bent down to your legs.

"Honestly? Yes." You spit as he has begun to cut the ropes on your legs to free them.

"I know what you are thinking. If you try to escape somehow, you won't ever see Zoe."

"Yeah, you have told it many times now. It's about to get boring you know."

"And I'm not sure if Mick will be the guitarist in this band, too." You tried to stay calm, you did. You didn't say a word just in case.

When he finished cutting the ropes he grabbed your arm tightly and dragged you to the corridor after glancing around again. You flinched from the pain he giving you also your head still ached from last night. A key was in his hand and opened the door in front of you. As soon as it was opened he pushed you carelessly making you fall almost on your face. This time, you managed to protect your head.

"So what is your plan exactly?" You asked while picking you up in bride style and dropped on the bed. He climbed on the top of you making you gasp. "Get off me!" He pinned your hands above your head with his hands and your legs with his.

"You know, I would say that make-up sex is working for me, but it doesn't. Also, I don't have the time for that." You heard a click and you looked up to see that he handcuffed you. He was still so close you could feel his breath on your face which made you sick. "But the last kiss has a meaning..." Before you could understand what he said he pressed his lips on yours. As an answer you bit his lips hard, making it bleed. "You son of a..." He cursed while touching his lips with his fingers cautiously.

∆

"Hey, Heather!" John yelled to the actress while smiling at her. She was in front of their shared room with Tommy. Tommy and Nikki were still away walking around in the hotel to find you.

"Hi, John. What's up? What happened to you?" She raised a brow.

"Why? Oh, you mean this?" He asked pointing at his wound. "I...I just have really dry lips usually and I smiled way too much, haha." He scratched the back of his head.

"If you say so. Anyway, why are you still here?" Heather was one of the few people whom John tolerated and yet he was still ready to get her from his way if needed.

"I would like to see Zoe for the last time if possible."

"Oh pity, she is not with me. She is with Mick at the playground." She informed John.

"I see. Well, thank you and goodbye, Heather." He forced another smile and left the actress there. He rushed to the elevator and hoped no one would see him. He didn't count any change in the plan. His original plan was to take Zoe from Heather since she was with her most of the time. Well, nothing can go easily, right?! The man was stomping his feet and was angrily pushing the button constantly. When he stepped in, the door was closing and he was relieved for a moment. A foot stopped the closing door which opened again. John saw that the foot belonged to Izzy and Axl.

"Hey, man." Izzy greeted the now sweating and pissed man. Axl stood next to him and behind Izzy.

"What are you doing here? I thought you have already left." Axl glanced from the corner of his eye.

"Um, I heard from (Y/N) and I wanted to tell Mick personally." This was the only reasonable lie he could tell. He was hoping they will eat it.

"Why, what happened to her?"

"You didn't know? She left yesterday and still hasn't come back. But, now I know why. His father had an accident and since he is very important to her she left as soon as she got the call." John was quite satisfied with himself.

"So that's why those idiots were yelling all day." Izzy rolled his eyes.

"And what about you, guys? Are you ready for the night?" He tried to change the subject.

"I think so," Axl answered, still gazing suspiciously, John. Luckily, they arrived on the ground floor, and as soon the door opened John rushed past Izzy almost making him fell.

"Hey, man. Couldn't you just wait?" He snapped rubbing his arm.

"So sorry, man. I just really need to speak to Mick." Axl crossed his arms and watched John's every step. The singer's cold stare dug a hole in John's back making him walk faster. The playground was almost empty, only Zoe could John spot. He couldn't see the guitarist. It was his last chance. He ran to the happy girl who could be found in the swing giggling. "Hey, Zoe." The little girl's eyes lit up and jumped down from the swing.

"Dad!" She ran to him and hugged his legs. John felt love. Though only for his daughter. He wanted to give Zoe the whole world and he was willing to give everything up.

"What are you doing here all alone?" He asked while he picked her daughter up and glanced around.

"Daddy went to grab some chocolate and orange juice."

"Oh, I see. Well, what do you think about going to McDonald's and drink there? We could eat some burgers, too." He smirked.

"Daddy told me to stay here. I don't want to break the rules."

"But they always break the rules. And they are still here." John started to walk to the hall.

"I know. But they are adults. Dad, do you know where mommy is? I would like to play with her."

"Of course, I know. Would like me to bring you to her?" The girl's answer was nodding with bright smiles. John kept his way out of the hotel with Zoe in his arms.

∆

"I'm so sorry." Steven apologized now for the 5th time.

"Actually, it wasn't our fault. One of our so-called "colleagues" came in and smash everything. He somehow stole the key or just broke in." Duff explained while looking at the mess Tommy made in their shared room with Steven. The cleaning lady's eyes were wide and were quite speechless.

"You know, I have seen a lot of things. But this...whatever. Go down the reception and get another room. I will deal with this." She sighed and started to clean the room not even knowing where to start. TV on the floor, at least this time not on someone's car, glass all over the floor with blood. The boys glanced at the room one more time and headed to the reception. When they arrived in the hall they noticed Zoe and John rush to the exit.

"Zoe, hey!" Steven spotted the little girl.

"Popcorn!" She giggled.

"They are fucking everywhere. I can't believe..." John murmured so quietly not even Zoe heard.

"Dad put me down. I want to hug Popcorn and Duff."

"Don't you like to see mommy?" He asked nervously. Duff narrowed his eyes trying to hear what their conversation is about.

"Why is he still here?" He asked Steven who was making silly faces to your daughter.

"I don't know. Let's go and ask." When John saw that the two musicians approached Zoe and him, his jaws tightened and his breaths quickened. "Hey, man."

"Hey. What's up?" His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths and rolled his shoulders.

"Are you alright? Let me take Zoe..." Steven reached for the girl who also held his arms towards the drummer, but John pulled her away.

"Stop." He snapped. "Just stop and leave her alone. You...you are not good for her."

"Okay, you have serious problems, man." Duff pointed at John.

"Who has serious problems?" Mick asked while trying to balance the orange juices in his hands. He almost dropped them when he saw Zoe with John. "Zoe, I told you to stay there. It has been only 5 minutes!"

"I know, but dad told me he knows where mum is...and please don't be angry at me. I'm so sorry." She pouted.

"I'm not angry at you, honey. More like on your dad. What do you think you are doing?" He turned to John when they heard loud irritating shouting.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)!" Tommy and Nikki yelled. "She is not here. I don't have any more ideas, dude."

"Me neither, man. Hey, what is happening there?" Mick rolled his eyes, Duff and Steven sent death glares toward Nikki and mainly Tommy. "Why are you staring at me like that?

"Cause you fucking blow up our room. And that's not fucking cool."

"Oh? So sorry, man. I don't remember." He chuckled. "Anyway, what is this gathering? Did we miss something?" This was the last drop for John. Without saying anything he turned around and started running.

"Dad, why are you running?" Zoe giggled. She didn't understand anything. Mick's blood froze in his veins, the other's mouth dropped open.

"What are you waiting for? Go and catch him!" Mick screamed and pushed the guys. Steven was the first one to realize what was happening and set off grabbing Duff's arm and dragging him, too. The Terror Twins hesitated at first but followed them along with Mick.

∆

"Rose, Stradlin! Where the hell is Steven and Duff? They should be here now." Doc looked at his watch and growled.

"We don't know. Though we haven't seen (Y/N) either."

"Still? Where that girl can be?" He sighed.

"Anna, can you give me the key for room 24? I will prepare it for the band's. The other one needs more cleaning but my back already hurts." The cleaning lady leaned on the counter waiting for the key.

"Sure." She turned her back to get the keys from the wall. "Umm, are you sure about the number? I can't see the key."

"Yes. Why don't you flick through in the book?"

"Good idea." She opened the book which they registered the room numbers with the guests' names. "It says it's an empty room. No reservation on it. Pretty interesting."

"Let's go and try to open with the master key." The two women left the reception and walked upstairs. "Do you hear it, too?" They heard yelling and loud knocks. Axl and Izzy were standing in front of John's room.

"Open the fucking door. Or else we will break-in." The singer shouted.

"I wouldn't advise it." The receptionist crossed her arms and glared at the two men. "Can I help you?"

"Umm, our friend is missing, for now, a day and some of our bandmates, too. We just have a strong feeling that the guy who this room belongs to knows something." Izzy murmured gesturing at the door.

"Interesting. Well, I can't help you with that but another strange thing happened. Maybe it has something to do with your case."

"Really? And what exactly?" Axl asked walking next to the cleaning lady and Anna.

"A key is missing, though it wasn't registered. And this hasn't happened in months." Anna held the key tight in her hand and turned it in the lock. When they opened it, the cleaning lady almost faint. Anna clutched her chest.

"(Y/N)?!" Axl gulped seeing you on the bed with a black eye and blood on your face and wrists as you tried hard to escape managing to cut your skin. Your mouth was still patched with duck tape. "Let me help." He started to pull the tape cautiously as Izzy tried to get the handcuffs off.

"Zoe. Umm. Zoe. John." You panicked.

"(Y/N), calm down. Anyway, what happened?"

"John happened. And listen to me! John is trying to take Zoe away! I don't how much time has passed since he left me here but I don't think he is in the hotel now." You rubbed your wrists and stood up but your knees were week and you almost fell on the floor. Izzy caught you and helped you back on the bed.

"Is that true, madam? If yes, I need to call the police."

"That's a good idea. Thank you." Izzy thanked and whirled around. Your eyes welled up and your body was shaking.

"Please, calm down. We will go and figure out what the hell is happening. Would take care of her?" Axl asked from the cleaning lady. She nodded and start to search for the first aid kit in the drawer.

"You don't have to take care of me! I'm okay. I need to find my daughter." You whimpered.

"No, you are gonna stay here. I will send someone here." Izzy assured.

∆

"Dude, I need to quit smoking. My lungs hurt!" Tommy panted as they were chasing John and Zoe.

"Stop him!" Duff yelled to the people in the street. They weren't so helpful.

"Dad, out me down! I don't like this game." She cried.

"Finally!" John smirked. He rushed to the yellow cab and hopped in. "Go!"

"And where?" The driver asked.

"Just go!"

∆

Next Part

Tags: @leatherandheels @safari-karrot @littlemisscare-all ❤️

I know. I know.

[fruitpunchninja101]

Slow Dancing In The Dark

Characters: Hanji Zoe x Levi Ackerman

Genre: Romance/Fluff

Rating: T

Here’s part 1 of my gift for  LeviHan Eggscghange 2020 :) I hope my dear giftee enjoys this.Part 2 will be out in a couple of days!

You can also read this on AO3

 @levihanweek

Working for Sina Industries has always been a life long dream for Hange.As a wide eyed child,she would always watch live broadcasts of their space launches and tell herself one day shes gonna be there.Standing in mission control smiling as she watched one of her creations get sent to a different planet.Armed with a degree & a determined heart,she applied as an engineer.You could imagine her disappointment when she was crammed into an 8x12 cubicle in the basement to design and develop circuitry which their boss greedily takes credit for all the damned time.She's pretty good at keeping a front that shes a pretty chill with all her bosses bullshit but she finally lost it when he started harassing a temp.Hange bravely spoke out and got into a heated argument with her boss.She got supended for a week after that.

It took almost six months before she was promoted to another 8x12 cubicle.Only this time,shes moving up on the infamous 17th floor.The place where they flung all the adept yet problematic employees.Its pretty much the same,shitty boss,intricate work but now on a higher pay grade and a lot more hearsay about her reputation.Its not so bad though,despite the lack of recognition and grueling work hours she met a handful of wonderful coworkers who shared the same pain.

Mike and Nanaba were sort of the required stable couple of the group.She met them a month after the big promotion when she caught them making out in the copy room.She's probably standing there for an entire minute awkwardly making fake cough noises to alert them of her presence.Enter Erwin Smith,he casually strode up by the couple and grabbed the box of printer ink Hange desperately needed.He's like freaking Captian America & Superman combined except he has a mind of a slytherin.Not that it was a bad thing.

And then there's Levi,The crabbiest member of their little group,Mr.I-look-very-angry-and-irritated-all-the-time-but-inside-lies-a-total-softy.He’s a clean freak who befittingly,is a sanitary engineer.Rumors say that Levi had tendencies with violence and had to be sent at 17th floor for precaution.There used to be a time when they didn't get along.She'd been very welcoming towards him but hes always been aloof and cold.She didn't mind it at first,but after a while it kinda got into her nerves.Til that christmas party back in 2017,where she had a few drinks and sort of confessed that she liked him and it really bummed her out that he didn't feel the same way.For the first time,she saw something other than disinterest and irritation on his face...she saw confusion.He asked her what shes on about,then reminded her that he just made her chocolates for valentines day when she won't shut up about craving something sweet.He doesn't do that kind of shit just for anyone and after that,hange was pretty sure they've become best friends.

Their friendship was forged in companionship in misery but as time passed they became her second family.

One of the things that Hange looked forward to is hanging out with them every Friday night at a dive bar a few blocks away from their office where they get shit faced and let off some steam from their work.Hange was preoccupied with the jukebox when Mike arrived with his arm slung over Levi dragging the smaller man into her space.”You'll never guess what happened.”The man announced and before she could answer the man screamed."Someone got asked for a date!"

"Ohoho!Whos the lucky girl?"Nanaba came out of nowhere carrying two mai tais and handed one to Hange before heading over at Mike's side.

"Petra Ral."Erwin chimed cooly while sipping a glass of scotch.His blond hair still laid perfectly even after a long tiring day at work.

"From PR?Holy shit!Good job!"Hange said slapping Levi’s shoulder hurting her hand in the process.The man didn’t even falter from where he stood,all he did was stare straight at her before scowling."It's not a big deal.”He said settling his gaze on his side.

Hange smiled.

He’s shy.Levi Ackerman is actually being shy about getting asked out by an adorable strawberry blonde colleague.Isn’t that precious?She’d never seen him like that before.Heaven knows how much she wanted to tease him about his situation but she can clearly tell by the way he clenched his jaw and the deep creases on the space between his brows that if she says anything,he'd run straight to the wall to escape,cartoon style.

Mike started telling the story and Levi sneakily started edging towards the exit.Before the questions came flooding in,Levi was already gone.

“I think I should follow him.“Hange announced.

"Try to convince him to go out with Ral!"Mike shouted which prompted Erwin to take his drink away from him."I think you had enough."

"Goodluck!"Nanaba raised her drink at her.Before helping Erwin keep Mike's drink away from him.

#

Hange found Levi brooding on the sidewalk while smoking.”Can I get a light?”She asked.

“Its cold.”He said,which also translates to she should go back inside or she’ll catch a cold.Levi’s nice like that,it took everything in her to hold back and not make a snide comment.He alwas hated it when he gets called out for being considerate.

“So Petra Ral huh?”She started.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“We don’t have to,If you don’t want to.”Hange calmly took a box of cigarettes from her pocket and stood a bit closer to him.

“Good.”He said before tossing her his lighter.

Hange bit her lower lip to stifle a smile and Levi was already armed with his grumpy face.He's getting a little agitated.She let the silence drag on for a while as she started to giddily shift from where she stood.Unable to contain her curiosity.

“But its Petra Ral...The Petra Ral!Our company sweetheart.”She exploded.

“I barely know her.”

"Isn’t that what dating is for?!Besides,She probably just needs to get dicked down."Hange said casually."Go for it!Have a little fun.What’s there to lose?"

"Yeah well...I don't think I could."Levi started bouncing his leg.Is he nervous?Agitated?Both?It seemed like he's trying to say something.

“Levi,you know we wont judge you if you’re gay right?You don’t have to hide it from us.”

“Why would I be hiding that if I was?”

“Then what are you nervous for?"

“I’m not nervous...I.."Levi paused as if he's considering if he should tell her."I haven’t...I...”

“You're acting like you've never been out on a date."she said.

Levi visibly stiffened and averted her curious eyes.From where she sat,she could see how levi clenched his jaw and feel him hold his breath.No?It cant be...

"Oh.Its been a while for you huh?like 6 months?"She tried to take a wild stab but was met with silence.Hange sobered."You’ve never been on a date before?"she repeated a little louder than she meant to and not soon after she found Levi's hand over her mouth.

“You wanna scream that a little louder?“

“EVER?!”She peeled his hand off her face and asked.

“Tch.I dont need this.“Levi rolled his eyes and started leaving but hange caught his arm.

"Hey!I'm sorry.I didn't know.Its nothing to be embarrassed about.Its just,its a little uncommon you know.I'm really sorry.I didn't mean to be a dick.”

She assumed that its not because of the lack of people who wanna date with him.Believe it or not,this whole quiet mysterious guy persona is a total chick magnet.She even had several people from the office ask about him every once in a while.So what happened?Is it trauma?Is he aromantic?Holy shit!How could she be so insensitive?

“Stop looking at me like that.”He frowned.Snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry,I was just thinking...”

“Don’t think of anything.Just mind your own business and let me be.”

“What kind of friend would I be if I let you be?”

“A good one.And stop drawing conclusions!I can practically see the thoughts up your head.I'm not anything I just...dont know how.”

“why are you so intent on giving up?!I thought you like her!”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh please Ackerman!How can you not?She's the perfect mix of adorable,kind,fiesty and beautiful...she’s perfect for you!”

"What do you want me to do?"he asked,in his how can I make you shut up tone.

"What if I help you?You could...I dont know...practice with me?I could help you with the whole dating thing!"Levi looked at her as if she grew another head.Honestly shes just happy he didn't look disgusted with her proposal.He gave her a once over before pinching the bridge of his nose.She knows this maneuver.Its the what-have-i-gotten-my-self-into or holy-shit-am-I-actually-considering-this move.“Are you sure about this?”He asked.

Hange made a gesture of crossing over her heart and raising her right hand up and levi scrunched his brows together.

“Quit downplaying this.I’m serious.”

“I wont offer it if my not 100% I’m serious. The last guy I went out with was a total disappointment and Petra deserves better than that.You know she helped me last Christmas...”

“Yeah,yeah she helped you change your tire."He supplied,refraning hange from tellong the story again.

“And in exchange I'm gonna help you be more fun and well rounded for your date!It's the circle of life!”Hange enthusiastically smiled.

“Alright.How do we start?”Levi asked.

"Ask Petra to reschedule your date for next week,Then we can take the whole week to practice."

#

The harsh sun bore down on Levi as if reminding him never to indulge Hange with her antics again.Aparrently,she found Petra's online journal and identified that she had two dream dates.One is a carnival date (which explains why he is standing in line for cotton candy out in the middle of the goddamn afternoon.) and the other was spending an evening at a local jazz bar in the city.

Levi doesn't know how she successfully lured him out.You see,he liked his comfort zone and for some unknown reason Hange always challenged him to take a step out of the little box he created around him.And although there are times when she proved that taking a risk was worth it,Levi never really appreciated getting stuck in very shitty situations like now.He doesn't know how she seemed fine with all these shitty conditions.Maybe because she's been busy talking about her new droid remodel.

"Hey Levi are you listening to me?"

"Yes."He said exasperated.

"What was I saying then?"She folded her arms and raised her brows,challenging him.

"You're planning to replace fiberglass with aerogel as insulator on your next shitty droid."He said which earned a bright smile from her.Tch!He rolled his eyes at that and stepped forward after the couple infront of them was served with an unreasonable amount of cotton candy.

"I'll get the giant sunshine surprise."Hange said and the vendor then started shaping the cotton candy into a big daisy.Hange looks absolutely delighted.

"That will be 50 dollars."The vendor said offering his open palm to him which prompted him to turn towards Hange."Oh!let me get my wallet!"Hange started going though her bag and for some reason he felt chills run through him.WheN he raised his head,he noticed that people around them started glaring at him.Oh great he forgot!He's in a fake date.He assumed people still think he's obligated to pay.Tch.So fucking primitive.Although he's never the guy who gave much fuck about what others think,he didnt want people to think Hanges being mistreated.Begrudgingly,he paid for the goddamn cotton candy.Hange took that opportunity to talk about how expenses should be handled during dates,she personally likes going dutch but immediately started going on about some studies that says women generally like it when the males carries out the expenses.

Hange's like a battery that never runs out of energy.She wanted to ride every possible attraction from the carnival!Beads of sweat are starting to form on her forehead but she never seem to notice,he started leading her to a park bench to rest for a bit.He appreciated how much she prepared.She was very keen on citing the psychology articles and some magazines she read to help him be better at dating.He doesn't even know why would anyone even exert that much effort for him.

She really is something.

He pulled out his handkerchief out of his pocket and started gently dabbing it on her forehead.

She smiled.

#

Hange didn't really need to teach him much.Despite the seemingly abrasive qualities Levi possess,the man is a very courteous guy.He said thank you,please and treated the park employees with respect.Shes pretty sure he wouldnt have much trouble impressing a girl."You never told me why you've never been out on a date."She started.

"I was never asked."Levi shrugged as if telling her its no big deal.Hange was shocked at his honesty but appreciated his straight answer.

"Based on my observations today I'd say all those girls that didnt ask you out missed out on a good time."

"Tch!Quit bullshitting me."

"It's true!You diligently listened to my stories, joined me riding all the  and most importantly,you bought me an unreasonably overprized cotton candy."

Levi let out a soft chuckle at that and Hange immediately panicked.This is the first time she ever made him chuckle and goddamn it was glorious.It's like his features lit up and made him look years younger.She had to bit her lower lip to sort of calm her wild heartbeat.They stayed seated on the bench for a while when Levi surprisingly asked her to walk around some more.As they started to amble along the park,an idea popped on her head.

#

Her hands gently crept on his wrist and made way to cup his hand "what the..."He glared at their joined hands,but didn't find the need to pull away."You're sticky."He remarked

"Does sticky hands really matter if youre holding hands with your crush?"She asked.He kept his eyes on her and he saw blush creep up to her face."I-I mean not me...I meant Petra...which is basically me because im her placeholder at the moment and..."

"Hange."

"Hm?"

"Shut up."He slipped his Fingers against the gaps of hers and continued wandering around the park.

[thinkolicity]

Arrow 8x04

Ahhhh the glee! The joy! The pain! I didn’t take notes this time so let’s see what I remember..feels recap!

I love that Oliver didn’t have a single doubt those were his kids..my heart! My emotions! We’re all emo here.

Ok, Mia stepping back when Oliver moved towards her..ouchie!!

Finally Dinah was sympathetic to Oliver about the whole Mia/Monitor thing. That’s growth over there.

FTA be like “Screw time-travel rules! Let’s tell them everything that happened!”

Ah Curtis. Who missed him, I did not. ObViOuSLy he got offended bc Olicity didn’t tell him they had a daughter. You weren’t even in town!!! Shut up. He looks hot with a beard, I’ll give him that.

John and Rene learning about future JJ and Zoe..that was awful, poor bbs.

Honestly, when Connor was having that one-on-one talk wit John, about JJ, and kept calling him “dad” for a micro second I thought Diggle was going to say “Dad? You are not my son”, since he was pissed about the lying, but omg Bea!! That’s not John, he would never.

Oliver and Felicity’s photo from when they went away after season 3, in their old apartment... and Mia looking at it 😭 She was so bitter to Oliver but I mean..understandable.

Oliver was so crushed when William told him he and Mia basically just met each other and grew-up apart. That was not the plan! 

My sweet son wanted to call Felicity to tell her their future kids appeared 😭 😭 

Idk about you but at every Oliver/Mia/Will + John/Connor interaction I was like “Loook they’re interacting!! They’re parenting!! This is all I’ve ever wanted!!” lmao

Oh man, that Oliver and William talk.. “Oh buddy I know. [..] Felicity and I knew” gah. And later I loved William reassuring Oliver that Mia’s gonna come around. My poor son just wants to be loved by his daughter I cry.

Oliver and Mia.. when they argued in the bunker..no Mia, Oliver didn’t leave you and Felicity bc he wanted to be a hero ;-; “You put your mission above your family” UGH NO CHILDDDDDD! And “I’m not going to fight you, I’m your father” “Really? Because from where I stand you’re just some guy in my way” Miaaaaaa...my heart shattered in a million pieces..Oliver’s too.

I’m sorry BS but Oliver is not a dick?? I mean he can be but he’s not. And lol at her counseling Mia about revenge and killing and shit. 3 episodes ago u weren’t so saint-feeling bb. Come on. Don’t shove this relationship down my throat, writers.

Lmfao at Oliver thinking William had kids for a split sec; you’ll be a grandfather in due time!!

Pissed/protective Daddy!Oliver. I staaaaaaan.

William upped his Felicityness to 200% in this episode. I love him. #mustprotect

“Look at us. Holt-Smoak 2.0″ No Curtis. William was rightfully perplexed and repulsed. Same.

No Curtis. Stress eating is a Felicity thing. Why does he always have to appropriate...

Oliver taking Mia to Robert’s grave, telling her he only knew the real him once he died, and that he doesn’t want the same thing happening between him and his daughter *weeps* I will get that father/daughter hug!

John and Connor training..yas 🔥🔥

Awwwww all the Queen Family Feels at the end...and then Curtis had to ruin the moment. Oliver daddy-ing!!!! IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES.

…am I supposed to clutch my pearls at this Monitor (asshole!) thing with BS? “You must betray Oliver Queen” to have her Earth back. Aaah yes, cuz they have such a great partnership/friendship/trust whatever, that’s gonna be ruined now and *gasp* 🙄 UnBeLiEvAbLe.

Take a shot whenever you hear the words “Dad” and “Mom” referring to Oliver and Felicity! This episode was Queen Family Feels™ to the max.

[justanotherdeadgirlwalking]

That is Just the Saddest F**king Thing I Have Ever Heard.

TW obviously DEH is about a kid’s suicide, so it has those themes

other parts :)

Part One.

Cynthia said I had to go to school today. “It’s your senior year Connor,” she said, “you can’t miss the first day,” which was just complete bullshit. I tried to compromise, “I’ll go tomorrow,” I told her. No, I had to go. Mom just wanted to get me out of the house after watching me sleep and sit in my room all summer. “Today’s a chance to go make some friends” she told me.

Look it’s not my fault that I don’t have any fucking friends, and it’s not my fault that I can’t make friends because everyone thinks of me as big, bad Connor Murphy, the freak. I’m not a freak. People just have this false idea of me in their head and have never taken the time to actually get to know me. I’ve always been a hot topic of rumors, even though I’ve never done anything really worth talking about. Except the incident in second grade. Someone explain to me why something so stupid that happened when I was 8 years old is something people still use to talk shit about me. It is still a story that gets told from time to time, “oh stay away from Connor Murphy, he’s batshit crazy. He once threw a printer at Mrs. G. because he didn’t get to be line leader” That’s not the whole story. No one knows what really happened because they weren’t even there. I mean, yes I was upset that I didn’t get to be line leader, even though it was my turn, and yes I did shove the table that the printer was on, which caused it to fall. So, I mean, I guess I threw the printer in a sense, but what does it matter? I was a child. Do you know how much embarrassing shit people did in elementary school that doesn’t get talked about because, well geez, they were children, and they’ve grown since then. Fucking Alana Beck peed her pants probably seven times that year, but we don’t talk about that. Whatever.

Most likely, no one is going to be telling that story this year. There’s some new hot gossip about me. See, I spent my junior year at a private school. It was awesome, I actually had a friend, and I was doing well, but I got kicked out. They did random locker searches, and I had weed in my locker, barley half a gram. The best part is, the weed wasn’t even mine. Not that anyone cares, not that anyone is going to ask, or listen to my side of the story. Ironically, they found so much Adderall, in probably 50 lockers, and they got away without so much as a warning. So, pills are okay, I guess, but marijuana isn’t.

Look, unlike what my parents might think, it isn’t dangerous or addicting or bad. Newsflash weed doesn’t hurt anyone. You can’t die from being too high, but pills, you can die from taking too many pills. I told them that too, I showed them statistics and research to convince them marijuana isn’t bad, they sent me to rehab to help with my ‘addiction,’ but all it did was teach me new, worse habits and prescriptions for mood stabilizers.

I’ve always been on medications to try to help me with the depression and paranoia, but I don’t like how they make me feel. Usually, I keep the pills hidden so Mom and Dad don’t catch on that I’m not taking them. I just prefer weed anyways; weed just calms me down, while the other crap I’ve been prescribed puts in a zombie like daze. I just smoke a little weed every now and then to help me get through the day.

People are going to say whatever they want, but I guess that it doesn’t help that I smell like pot anyways. That smell, no matter how many times you wash your clothes or spray your belongings with ferbreeze, never goes away. Regardless, I know I’m not the only stoner, not that I’m a stoner, but most people act like it’s a fucking personality trait to smoke. They’ll go online and post pictures of their bowls and blunts, thinking that they’re cool, but I’m a burnout freak because I smoke.

Despite my protests, I found myself in the passenger seat of Zoe’s car as she drove me to school. Some people might think it’s lame to be driven around by their little sister, but I fucking hate driving. I get too distracted, plus, other people drive like absolute nimrods. I got enough stress in my life, why add the stress of driving.

The first day of school is always a waste; you never do anything meaningful or important. People just spend the day catching up with friends, talking obnoxiously loud about their trip to Italy, or how they built houses for the homeless, and you just do ridiculous ice breakers and make nametags. It’s not like I’m going to learn anything, I’m just going to sit through hours of “two truths and a lie.” Plus, I’ll have to sit through the embarrassment of no one volunteering to guess which of my statements is the lie. No one wants to waste their time with that. Though, I will admit, I came up with some good ones this year, “My birthday is 420, I like to draw, and I have a dog.” The lie, obviously, is that I have a dog. I’ve always wanted one, but Larry has always said no, “they’re too messy.”

I try not to let other people bother me. I just focus my gaze straight ahead, walking as quick as I can to my first class, avoiding obstacles the best I can. In my opinion, people that stand in the middle of the hallway to have their conversation do not deserve rights. Hi, you, and your conversation is not more important than me trying to get to class. Have some fucking decency and at least move over to the side, Jesus Christ. On the bright side, people do tend to move out of my way. It might be out of fear, but it’s convenient. I put my head down as I cut through the middle of two people. “Hey Connor”  a boy calls, “Nice hair length,” he continues, “very ‘school-shooter’ chic.” Wow, was that really necessary; did they really have to stop me to tell me that? That’s what I need too: Connor Murphy, not only a freak, but also looks like a school shooter.

I stop in my tracks with a heavy thud as my boots hit the ground. I whip around to face the voice. I look up with a narrow gaze and see Jared Kleinman and Evan Hansen. They are two nobodies like me, but I guess they think they’re better than me.

“I was just kidding” Jared stutters, “It was a joke.”

“Oh, I know.” I say, with no emotion, “I thought it was funny, I’m laughing can’t you tell?” I close the space between us until I’m in his face, towering over him. I’m not a scary person, but I am 6’3”, so my height tends to intimidate people, plus I really like wearing all black. My physical appearance is really a shell of armor, no one knows how sensitive I really am. At least, people can’t walk all over me if they are scared of me. I stare him down, “Or am I not laughing hard enough for you” I say.

I found, that if you stare at someone long enough, they will leave you alone. Mostly, because they are creeped out. It must be working, because Jared takes a step back, “you’re such a freak,” he says as he turns to make a run for it.

Evan’s still standing there, laughing quietly to himself. “What the fuck are you laughing at” I snap at him.

“N-nothing” he stutters.

I turn to him, “do you think I’m a freak.” He’s still laughing to himself. “You’re the fucking freak,” I yell as shove him.

I pause for a moment, looking down at Evan, who is now on the ground. He looks scared, like really, scared. Does he think I’m going to beat him up? Has he been beaten up before? Who hurt him? I scan his body quickly; this kid is already in a cast. Great, I just pushed an injured kid. Maybe I really am a freak. What the fuck is wrong with me? I collect myself and quickly walk away. I don’t have time to deal with this. It’ll probably be a few hours before this goes around the school.

I make it to my locker, my eyes are still on Evan, who is still on the ground. He’s been on the ground for a while, surly he should’ve stood up by now. Fuck, did I break his legs? Zoe walks up to him and helps him up. He’s fine. I watch as Zoe talks to him for a few minutes. Even my own sister isn’t on my side. Thanks Zoe, I’ll remember that the next time you want me to cover for you when you sneak out. Mom and Dad might think I’m the fucked-up child, but they have no idea what kind of shit you get into.

Each class is a blur as I sit through hours of introductions. Finally, its time for lunch. I don’t have friends to sit with, and I don’t like to give people the satisfaction of watching me sit by myself, so usually I spend the period in the library. I’m safe among the stacks. Books can’t judge you, but they can be an escape from your fucked reality. I can’t find a place to sit in the main library, so I go in the back by the computers. There’s a kid talking on his phone, but I don’t think he’ll mind my presence. I find a seat in the corner and lose myself in a book.

Suddenly, I’m snapped back into reality when the printer goes off. It scared the shit out of me. I look at the paper the printer is spitting out, “Dear Evan Hansen” the top reads. I look over to see Evan hunched over a laptop, talking to himself. I don’t think this kid has any friends either, besides Jared, but Jared’s a dick. Evan isn’t a freak like me, but he’s just someone always in the background. Everyone knows who he is, but no one cares.

I should probably apologize to him about earlier.

I grab the paper and walk over to him, “Hey.” He looks up at me, startled. “So, what did you do to your arm anyways?” I ask him.

He looks down at is arm as if he’s confused as to what I’m talking about. “Oh”, he stammers “I fell out of a tree.”

I look at him, expecting him to say more, he doesn’t. “Well, that’s just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard” I tell him.

“I know,” he says.

I look at his cast, its blank. I guess it makes sense, since he doesn’t have any friends. “Hey, no one’s signed your cast yet; I will,” I say.

“No, no you don’t have to” Evan whines.

“Do you have a sharpie?” I ask. He stares at me for a moment before he starts digging in his backpack and pulls out a marker, handing it to me. I grab his arm, and he winces. I ignore that and write my name as large as I can along the side of his cast. I figure, no one else is probably going to sign it, so I might as well take up as much real-estate  as I can. “There,” I say, “now we can both pretend that we have friends.” Evan stares at his cast.

I remember that I still have his paper, “is this yours?” I ask, holding it out to him, “I found it on the printer, it says ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ that’s you right?”

“Oh, that’s nothing, um, it’s stupid.” He tries to grab the paper from me, “It’s just an assignment”

I pull it out of his reach and look at it, my eyes land on Zoe’s name, “because there’s Zoe” I read aloud, “Did you write some freaky shit about my sister?”

“No, no” He stutters, trying to rip the paper out of my hand, “Why would I do that?”

“You wrote it because you knew I would find it” I snap, “So I would freak out and you can tell everyone that Connor Murphy is a fucking freak.”

“No” Evan cries.

I shove the paper into my pocket, “Fuck you” I say as I storm away.

I walk out of the library, and right out of the front door of the school. There’s still two periods left, but I don’t care, I’ve had enough of today. I keep walking, I don’t even know where I’m going. Eventually, when I’ve put enough distance between me and the school, I pause to pull out my headphones and put on some music. I don’t even care what I’m listening to, it just has to be loud enough to block out my thoughts.

I don’t feel bad about pushing Evan anymore; honestly that kid deserves way worse. He had to know I was in the room with him. No one is that oblivious to the world to not even notice that they’re not alone. Why would he write about my sister? Like does he have a weird fantasy about her that he just had to get down, and print out? Look buddy, most people keep their private thoughts in their head, where they belong.

I eventually reach a park, its oddly empty, but I guess all the children are still at school. I sit on a bench and throw my bag onto the ground, it rattles with impact. I pick it up to investigate the sound; I dig around until I find the source: a prescription bottle. I forgot that I had put my meds in here. I hold  the bottle and read the label, it’s good old Prozac. I have refused to take it ever since it was prescribed to me. If you look it up, it has so many warnings and side effects listed, it doesn’t even seem worth it. Like there’s a small chance this will make you feel better, but there’s an even bigger chance that it might kill you, or make you want to kill yourself. The irony! They give you the medicine because you think about killing yourself, but the medicine makes you want to actually kill yourself. Do doctors even care about you, or do they just write you a prescription, so you go away?

I’ve never taken a single dose of this medication, outside of the hospital where they basically force it down your throat, but now seems like a good time to. I feel so numb, what does it even matter, it’s supposed to help me right? I swallow a pill, dry, and then another, and another. I keep swallowing them until I run out of pills. I throw the empty bottle on to the ground. Suddenly, I have a killer headache; I can feel my heart pounding, thoughts are racing in my mind. I lay down on the bench and take a deep breath.

[s-oulpunk]

Support Group (Zoe Murphy X Fem!Reader)

Summary: Zoe meets the reader at her support group, and finds they may have more in common than she thought.

TW: Mentions of suicide and other death, implied/referenced mental abuse.

This story can be read as friendship, but it was written as implied romance between Zoe and The Reader.  If people like this enough, I’ll write a part two where the romance is more prominent.

Zoe hated support group.  She hated it with a burning passion.  Just thinking about it made her want to vomit.  It was filled with people sobbing over their lost loved ones, whimpering about how much they loved them and how they were in a better place now.

   Zoe couldn’t relate to that.  She was nearly positive Connor was in Hell.  Not that she cared, he deserved to be there.

   Her parents had insisted that this would be good for her, to be able to meet other teenagers who had been through something similar to her.  Except they hadn’t been through anything like what she had been through.  They had all lost their loved ones to car crashes and disease and tragic accidents, none of them knew how it felt to know their brother swallowed a handful of pills at some stupid park, only to be discovered by some poor, traumatized middle schooler who only wanted to walk her dog.

   Honestly Zoe felt more remorse for the middle schooler than she did for her brother.

   Nevertheless, her parents persisted.  So she was forced to go once a week, sit amongst a group of teary-eyed teenagers who probably thought she was the biggest bitch in the world, and talk about her stupid brother.  Or, she was supposed to talk about her brother.  She didn’t say anything most days.  Sometimes the man in charge would be able to convince her to talk a little bit, but there was nothing she could really say.  None of them would be happy with what she really wanted to say.

   “You just have to open up to them,” insisted her mother.

   “I don’t need this!” Zoe persisted. “What I need is therapy.  Actual therapy with a real therapist who can give me real advice.”

   “We’ll look into it,” her mother said, barely glancing at Zoe as she pulled into the parking lot.

   Zoe pressed her lips together and didn’t mention how they’ve said that the last five times Zoe brought up therapy, and how they never really looked into it.  You would have thought that after Connor, they would have learned to perhaps pay a bit more attention to their children’s needs.  However the only thing they learned was to pay more attention to Connor.  Which didn’t make any sense, seeing as he was dead.

   “I’ll see you in an hour,” grumbled Zoe.

   She forced herself out of the car, disdain growing in her stomach as she shuffled her feet closer to the building.  For a split second she considered ditching, and spending the hour in the 7/11 down the street.  But her mother was still watching her like a hawk from the car, so Zoe pushed open the glass door and let it slam closed behind her with a soft smack.

   She stormed down the hallway, ignoring the group of sobbing girls next to her, and made her way into the small room where meetings were held.  Most of the usual members were there, some already teary eyed, but there were a few new members.  There were always a few new members, though they rarely returned for another meeting.  Zoe liked to think that all the sob stories scared them off.

   Zoe sat next to one of the new girls.  She always sat next to the new kids, they were less judgy.

   The girl picked her head up from her phone, shooting Zoe a soft smile before dropping her head back down.  It wasn’t exactly a happy smile, but it wasn’t sad either.  It just sort of...was.

~

“Alright, is everyone here?” said the man in charge, sending everyone a far-too-cheerful smile.  He had dark hair and dark eyes, which matched the dark circles under his eyes.  He looked to be, maybe, late twenties or early thirties, dressed in a nice button-up shirt and old jeans. “Perfect.  Who would like to begin?"

   One of the other girls jumped right in, describing a horrific house fire her cousin had been trapped in.

   “He inhaled too much smoke,” she said, sniffling. “There’s nothing anyone could have done.  And I just...I miss him so much.  I don’t understand why it had to happen, his mother knew not to smoke in the house!”

   The group nodded slowly as she broke down in tears, rubbing furiously at her eyes.

   “I’m so sorry for your loss,” you said softly.

   “It wasn’t your turn!” snapped one of the boys, his eyebrows furrowing in a manner that clearly showed how furious he was.

   “That-That’s all I wanted to say!” you blurted, your mouth hanging open in shock. “I didn’t-I didn’t mean to interrupt.  I just-”

   “It’s quite alright,” insisted the man in charge. “Would you like to go next?”    You shook your head. “I’ll just listen today.”

   You glanced down at your jeans, attempting desperately to hide the red on your cheeks.  You spent the rest of the time pulling at a loose string on your sweater, trying to tune out the rest of the stories.

   When the session finally ended, you practically bolted out of the building.  That boy had taken it upon himself to glare at you for the rest of the session and you had never been more glad for something to be over.

   You sighed heavily as you walked through the parking lot, deciding to sit on the curb by the sidewalk rather than outside of the building.  The faster you could get away, the better.

   “Hey!  Hey, wait up!”

   “What do you want?” you huffed, not bothering to turn around. “I said I was interrupting-”

   “No, no, I’m not here to yell at you.”

   You glanced over as the person caught up to you, a small smile on her lips.  You recognized her as the girl who had sat next to you the entire session, though she hadn’t said a single word the whole time.

   “Yes?” you asked cautiously.

   “I just wanted to say I was sorry about…” she flailed her hands back towards the building. “That.”

   You shrugged. “It’s fine.  It’s not your fault, you weren’t the one to yell at me, were you?”

   The girl silently nodded as she continued to walk alongside you.

   “I’m Zoe,” she blurted.

   You introduced yourself, a small smile creeping its way onto your face as you did so.

   “Have you come here before?” you asked.

   “Once a week,” said Zoe, pursing her lips.

   “Yikes.”

   “I know.”

   You chuckled quietly. “Most of them seem nice enough but I can’t imagine sitting through that once a week.”

   “So you’re not coming back?”

   You almost expected her to sound sad, but she didn’t.  She just seemed curious.  It made you smile a little.  It was so different from what you were used to, people genuinely asking for what you wanted.

   “Probably not,” you said. “I expect you’ll be back next week.”

   “Unless my mother has a sudden change of heart,” said Zoe.

   “I only came because my therapist suggested it,” you said. “I dunno, maybe I’ll try another one.”

   “I’m sure it won’t be any different,” said Zoe with a roll of the eyes.

   “You never know.”

   Zoe hummed. “Well, this is my mom’s car so I’ll see you around I guess.”

   You sent her a small wave as you started to dig your phone out of your pocket.

   “Or, you know what, how about I get your number.  And then you can tell me what the next support group is like.”

   “Oh?” you said, biting your lip to hold back a laugh. “Yeah, that would be a good idea.”

   “Yeah, it would be.”

   As Zoe hopped in the car, a new number in her phone and a new friend to talk to, she decided maybe something good actually could come out of support group.

~

It was three days later when Zoe got the first text from you.

   ‘Next support group was the same.  Might just stick to plain old therapy.’

   ‘Sounds like a plan,’ Zoe responded, a smile growing over her face.

   This went on for the next few weeks, the two of you discovering new facts about each other just about every time you had a conversation.  Zoe wasn’t usually the type of person to spend hours and hours texting one person, but she found herself staying up until midnight just to talk to you.  She didn’t mean to, really, the two of you would just get sucked into a conversation and before she knew it she had used up her entire battery.

   When the two of you finally met up again, you were invited over to Zoe’s house.  It was big enough to be more than comfortable, though it was by no means a mansion.  You still found yourself curiously inspecting every object you passed as you made your way through the house.

   “I’m so glad you could come over,” beamed Zoe’s mother. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

   “Thank you for letting me come over,” you said politely.

   “Of course, of course.  Now, dinner will be ready in about an hour-”

   “You didn’t have to make me dinner.”

   “Oh, shush.”

   “Well, thank you,” you said with an awkward smile.

   “Zoe’s room is down the hall.”

You murmured a thank you before you started to wander down the hall.  You glanced at the doors as you passed through.  Cynthia hadn’t told you which room was Zoe’s, but you were confident you could figure it out yourself.  Between the sticker-covered door and blasting music, you were almost positive it was the second to last.

You knocked hesitantly, glancing around the hallway awkwardly as you waited.  Most of the other doors weren’t decorated, still shiny and white, but one caught your eye.  It was across the hall from Zoe’s room, nearly completely covered in stickers and signs.  Zoe’s door was covered in decorations, but not like this door.  You could barely see the actual door!

“(Y/N)!”

You spun back around, a grin splitting across your face, to find Zoe standing in the doorway.

“You’re early!” smiled Zoe.

“That alright?” you asked with a small smile.

Zoe nodded. “Of course!”

She gestured for you to step into the room, which you did with a quiet thank you.

“Do you have a sibling?” you asked curiously, glancing around the room. “The room across the hall-”

“It’s my brother’s,” Zoe answered shortly.

“I didn’t know you had a brother!”

“I don’t.  Not anymore.  He’s why I have to go to that damned support group.”

“Oh.  I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.  He was a dick.”

You hummed quietly as you sat on Zoe’s bed. “Well I like your room.  And maybe you can skip the next support group and hang out with me.”

“My mom would never let me,” Zoe said, sitting hesitantly next to you.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” you smirked. “If it’s not helping, why waste your time there?”

“Because there’s nothing else to do after someone dies,” said Zoe, her lips twisting downwards in a stony scowl. “At least, not to my mom.” She sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “She doesn’t understand what it’s like for me.  She lost her son, her first born.  By the time he died, Connor wasn’t my brother anymore.  He was...” Zoe struggled to find the right words, each syllable tasting wrong on her tongue. “He was just some monster I had to deal with.”

You nodded slowly, captivated by Zoe’s rampage.

“I can suggest my therapist,” you offered, quietly. “She helped me.”

“That would be good,” murmured Zoe. “Thank you.  Maybe that would convince my mom to actually send me to a therapist.”

“See, this is much better than support group,” you teased.

“It’s like our own personal support group,” Zoe joked weakly.

The silence that followed was inevitable, because what are you supposed to say after something like that?  “I’m sorry” didn’t seem right and “I’m sorry for your loss” was even worse.  What help could you offer other than your therapist and an ear to listen?  There really was nothing to say, so you allowed the silence the envelope you, the air around you becoming tense and thick. For a few moments the two of you sat in the silence.  Neither one of you really wanted to start up the conversation again, not to mention you were both too captivated by your own thoughts.

It saddened you that Zoe didn’t miss her brother.  It was tragic that someone could be so cruel that even in death their victim wouldn’t be able to mourn for them.  Not that that was Zoe’s fault.  You couldn’t find it in you to blame Zoe for the distance between her and her brother.  But you couldn’t stop your heart from aching for your new friend, wondering how on earth someone could be so cruel to someone so wonderful.

“Why were you at support group?” Zoe asked suddenly.

“My therapist suggested it,” you said, locking your eyes on a photograph across the room.

“Right.  But why?”

You squirmed uncomfortably, not quite sure how to answer the question. “Someone I knew tried to kill themselves,” you finally said, your voice low. “I had been trying to help them for years and it was like...it was like it didn’t even matter to them.  They just threw their life out like it didn’t mean anything.  Like I didn’t mean anything.  I just didn’t understand how somebody could do that.  How somebody could rationalize taking their own life, even after you had done so much for them.” You took a deep breath, not quite sure how to continue. “Anyway I didn’t really know how to deal with it.  I’ve been trying stuff for months, medicine, therapy, support groups, but nothing seems to work.” You shrugged as you finally returned your eyes to Zoe, offering her a small smile as you did so. “So I guess we’re kinda in the same boat.”

“I guess,” murmured Zoe.

“Talking to you helps,” you said.

“You’re the only person who hasn’t judged me for not missing my brother,” Zoe said.

“Some people are just shitty,” you said. “Even if they are blood relatives.”

“I think I like our personal support group,” said Zoe, the tips of her lips turning upwards.  She nudged your shoulder a little, looking at you expectantly until you cracked your own smile.

“Yeah, me too,” you agreed.

“We could have our own meetings,” smiled Zoe.

“I don’t wanna make you listen to my petty problems-”

“You’re not!  It’s a trade off, see?  I listen to your ‘petty’ problems and you listen to my ‘petty’ problems.”

And Zoe just looked so excited about it, that you couldn’t say no.  Not to mention that this conversation had been about the closest you had gotten to feeling alright in awhile, you couldn’t just throw away the chance of these being a normal thing.

“Alright,” you said, a smile forming on your lips. “Let the (Y/L/N)-Murphy Personal Support Group Begin.”

[burningartwork]

Top 10 favorite characters Meme

The Rules:

Choose from 10 different fandoms & any medium (anime, manga, novels, movies, etc, Whatever you like) and tag 10 people.

(Did this in 2016 and I thought I’d share. The list has for the most part remained the same. Honorary #11 is probably Phoenix Wright from Ace Attorney. <3)

10. Sokka – Avatar the Last Airbender / Bolin - The Legend of Kora Starting off this list, I guess I'm going with a pair so I'm.... cheating? It was sort of impossible to chose between these 2 since they're both my favorites of their individual series/arcs(?) but part of the sameish fandom  and do share some similar traits and functions in their group. They're both the funny guys and both have been often under estimated. While Sokka fulfills my need to love a brainy character who is simultaneously hilarious, Bolin does the rest by giving me an adorable, nice-guy character... who is equally funny... you... guys will start to notice a trend with the male characters I like... so... don't be too surprised if the same types pop up. I apologize in advance.

9. Sailor Jupiter aka Makoto Kino - Sailor Moon Out of all the Sailor Scouts, Makoto has always been my favorite! I always saw a bit of myself in her & her dual personality. Both tough and strong but with a gushy girly side to her too. I LOVE that about her and how balanced and natural it is for her nature. She's lovely and passionate and loves deeply even if she is tall and seems intimidating.

8. Zack Fair – Final Fantasy 7 Okay, here's my dopey joker fetish coming though... this will be followed by my "brainy" type right afterwards. lol. Zack Fair is hands down the funniest & most likable FF7 character period. I mean, what else is there to say about this guy? Fun, kinda reckless, skilled, an elite soldier, has that black haired, blue eyed combo I go nuts for and is just so willing to take little Cloud under his wing while winning off his future girlfriend in no time. lol Too charming for me to resist.

7. Donatello - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles And now for the brainy type. XD Donatello has ALWAYS been by favorite turtle and not just cause my favorite color is purple. lol I mean, I just like everything about him from his scientific brain to his choice of weapons. And I always say this to people who don't like Donatello: "If he wasn't around... all the turtles, in every series, in every continuity & medium... would totally be dead." Seriously. Donatello keeps the turtles alive for the most part by being a once in a life time genius. He doesn't get enough credit and need more praise.

6. Zoe Washburne – Firefly ... if I were to say that I had a crush on a fictional girl character, it would be Zoe. She's just... so awesome. Just so cool... like, I can't even describe it.

5. Helga G Pataki – Hey Arnold Helga from Hey Arnold is amazing. She's just so insanely in love with Arnold to the point that the football head is her muse and the light of her life. She's so obsessed that she builds shrines to his name. It's hilarious and amazing. She's a total nutjob and I love it! But she's also very astute, clever, a writer and it's painfully amusing to watch her lock that side away when she's at school to become a bossy bully. But you know... it's been 15 years almost... enough is enough. It's time to tell Arnold how you feel Helga! (and NO, I do not count that Hey Arnold movies as her confession. It was awful and very messy) The Jungle movie will FINALLY be released in 2017. I can't wait!

4. Ariel - The little mermaid Like I could leave her out. Ariel was MY Disney Princess. Fearless, curious, adventurous & a total dreamer wanting to live in the world above! I feel like she was very unjustly attacked by the internet as wanting to live out of the sea for a guy. I'm sure that cave of her treasures took her months if not years to fill and the prince was the icing on that cake combined with adolescent rebellion and persuasion after having all her collection destroyed by her father. She was not even crown princess for heaven's sake! Duh, she'd react impulsively!!! *heaves* Okay, okay. Anyways, Ariel single handedly revived Disney and paved the way for the Modern Princesses so don't say mean things about my girl Ariel!

3. Ron Weasley – Harry Potter (Books) Ron. Yeah, love this red-headed firecracker. I'll be frank, while I do enjoy movie Ron, Rupert Grint needed to have more grit written in role just to match up to book Ron. Book Ron practically acted on instinct for everything. He braved the Spiders for Hermione (it was his choice in the books) he tried to curse Malfoy and punched him in the face several times in the books. While I'm normally into different types of male characters, this red-head won me over quickly in the books even edging out funny brothers Fred and George and I think he deserved to be with Hermione after all he went through... i also have confidence issues so I relate to him a lot.

2. (Future) Trunks Brief - Dragonball Z Oh yes. My original Anime Crush. It took a very special character to dethrone Trunks from the top spot. What to say about him? Sweet, courageous, powerful so very likable. Purple Hair for the win! The Future Trunks version has always been my favorite. Being partially raised by Gohan in his dystopian timeline, his personality became kind and understanding and his quest to save his earth in the future was one of my favorite plots! Also, fell in love with his voice actors (both of them). A perfect paragon character... like the guy blow.

1. Robin/Nightwing/Agent 37 aka Dick Grayson - Batman/Nightwing/Grayson comics by DC Comics So this one was a sinch. I am flat out in love wit this character. If I could take any fictional character and bring them into real life, this guy would top my list every time. Dick Grayson, the original Robin, had been my re-introduction into mainstream comics on the DC side of things and boy what a pull! Fully encompassing everything that I find attractive in a man, (even going so far as to coincidentally having physical traits that I find attractive: dark hair & light eyes with a lean but muscular body) Dick is smart, objectively handsome, funny, playful/boyish & has a pure-hearted urge to do what's right because he believes it's what must be done. He differs greatly from his mentor's (Batman) motivations & methods by not being driven by vengeance but rather by justice & diving into a battle rather than hiding in the shadows. This former circus acrobat turned vigilante crime-fighter, is also a natural leader who people tend to trust easily and is always looking to help others with his (seemingly) constant need to be everyone's big brother. This is sooooo attrative to me and the fact that he is known to have the finest butt in all of DC doesn't hurt either.

I think in the future I might do art of all the characters in this meme... Gosh, I haven’t drawn Trunks since the early 2000s. After watching his ark in DBZ Super I have more motivations to do so...

Anyhoo, hope you got some insight into my tastes... and yes, I know, no Kingdom Hearts, Zelda or MLB characters but those franchises, I like more as a whole. But these particular characters I still like without context. (if the people I tag do this, remember to tag me back so I can read it!) And of course, if you want to do this, do it! Tag me also so I can read! @euclidstriangle @kidokaproject @stekadarr @sixofclovers @liberatedpuppeteer @littleredjay @fluoroidtheauthor @april-lilies @sofiedraws​ @re-defenestratin​  @ofpaintedflowers​ @pixelatedcoeur​ @pinoote-peanut​

[denimwrites-archive]

“He Had It Coming”

Prompt: Request by Melon Anon - “Also #58 from the sentence prompts [““OH MY GOD YOUR EYES!!!”] with Connor X Reader, but you don't have to if you have too many other requests -🍉

Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen

Pairing: Connor Murphy X Reader

Summary: Your friend Connor would do anything for you, even if his actions are a little too heated sometimes, he always means well. That’s just one of the many things you love about him.

Word Count: 1,609

Warnings: Language, violence (school fight), reference to rumors, asshole athletes, slight harassment?, mention of mental illness and medications, kind of angst? idk

A/N: I changed the prompt a little bit to be “OH MY GOD YOUR EYE!!!” (singular “eye”) because the second I saw it I thought of super protective Connor fighting for your honor because he’s a standup guy, okay?

~~~

It had been a day. Your locker neighbor just would not stop bugging you in between classes, no matter how many times you rejected him. It apparently didn’t matter when you said you weren’t interested and you were even starting to consider skipping your locker during lunch. But at the same time you didn’t want to drag your heavy math textbook around, so with a sigh you head to your locker.

However, as you make your way up the hallway, there seems to be a crowd around your section of lockers. Now what? you can’t help but think, Is there anything else that can go wrong today? Apparently the answer is yes, because as you press your way forward and see what has everyone gawking at you see your best friend get punched in the face.

“Connor!” you exclaim pushing forward, ready to help him. But he holds a hand out causing you to stop in your tracks. You look and see the attacker is your locker neighbor who’s sneering at you. That doesn’t last long though, as Connor punches him in the gut. You cover your mouth in surprise and can only watch as Connor keeps going, hitting him harder and harder.

Eventually a teacher comes by and breaks it up, sending your neighbor to the nurse and Connor to the principal’s office. You follow after him, but aren’t allowed in the office with him. You pace outside the door, worrying what he’s going through and what the hell caused him to go off like that.

But the bell for next period rings before Connor is released, so with a longing look at the still shut door, you head to class. You can’t pay attention to what your teacher says though, and you didn’t have your textbook anyway. When class was dismissed, you hurriedly sent a text to Connor asking if he was out yet, but you didn’t receive a reply. You decided to swing by his locker to see if he was there, but he was nowhere to be found.

When you still don’t hear anything from him by the end of the day, you start to worry. Heading to the front office you ask the receptionist if Connor had left the principal’s office yet. She says he was released during last period, and you let out a sigh, not knowing if he had gone home or if he was still at school.

Sending a quick text to Zoe, you ask if Connor was with her. She replies with a negative and that she was going to head home without him if he didn’t show up soon. Glancing down the empty hallway, you knew where he was. Making your way out of the school’s back entrance and heading for the football field, you didn’t even have to make it to the bleachers to find Connor.

He was walking up the path, head hung low. “Connor!” you yelled for the second time that day. At your exclamation, he lifted his head, and couldn’t stop a smile from making its way onto his face. You ran towards him and tackled him with a hug, your face buried in his chest. Pulling away slightly you say, “What the hell happened earlier?”

But before he has time to answer you can’t help but shout, “OH MY GOD YOUR EYE!!!” Your hand immediately reaches out grabbing his chin. Moving the position of his head you get a good look at his black eye. “I know that he hit you, but…” you trailed off. Shaking your head slightly, you let go of his chin and take a step back. “C’mon, I’m taking you to my place where I can get you some ice and hear the story behind your duel.”

Taking hold of his arm, you pull him back through the school and to your car. The ride is quiet, but when you finally let him into your house, he collapses onto the couch with a groan. Looking to see what you had in your freezer, you grab a bag of frozen peas. Just like in the movies,  you can’t help but chuckle at the cliche.

Making your way back to the living room, you take a seat next to Connor and gently put the peas on his black eye. He lets out a hiss as the cold package touches his skin, but lets out a calming exhale when he gets used to it. He moves his hand so that he’s holding it, and you sit there just taking in his presence. You wait for him to start, and after a few minutes, he lets out another sigh and begins.

“I went to your locker so we could go get lunch together, and when that dick started talking about you to one of his douchebag friends I just couldn’t take it. I tried just telling him to shut up, but he wouldn’t close his fucking mouth. Then the next thing I remember is you calling my name. I didn’t mean to start the fight, but he was being such an asshole. He had it coming.

“And then the principal was a jerk too. He kept going on and on about how I needed more medication to control me, but jokes on him cause my antidepressants help me with my anger issues. But this time they just didn’t work hard enough I guess,” he let out a dry laugh.

You carefully place your hand over Connor’s free hand. Giving it a short squeeze, you softly respond. “Thank you for standing up for me, but remember that you’re supposed to walk away from those situations?”

“I know that. But, (Y/N), I couldn���t just let him badmouth you. You deserve better than that,” he said exasperated.

“Connor, they’re just words from some idiot. They don’t matter. You getting hurt matters. I’m flattered that you would fight for my honor or whatever, but I don’t want you getting injured in the process.”

“I don’t care, this will heal,” he gestures to his face, “but words have long lasting power and the things he was saying were filthy lies and I just couldn’t stand that.” After he said that his face dropped, and you stared at him in shock.

“What was he saying?”

“(Y/N)--”

“No, Connor, tell me what he was saying. If anything it could help you stand up to the principal about him going off on you for your actions.”

“I tried explaining it to him, that’s why I was in there for so long, but he won’t do anything about it cause the guy’s an athlete. He doesn’t care about anything but making sure the school looks good, and apparently punishing that asshat goes against our ‘image’.” He lets out a scoff and leans his head back.

You look away and go over what he’s said. But you still wanted to know what they said, you were almost an adult, you could take it. Turning back towards him you take a deep breath and repeat your question, your voice small despite your determination. “What was he saying, Connor?”

He let out another sigh, not answering you for a few moments. You were about to ask again when he answered in a quiet voice. “Look, they were saying not nice things, and I wasn’t just going to let those things be said about the person I love, so I did something. It may not have been smart but it got my point across and that’s what matters.”

After he finished speaking he seemed to realize what he said. You could only look at him, trying to process his words. He let out a muttered curse before standing up and heading towards your front door. You immediately got up, grabbing his arm and pulling him to a stop. He still hadn’t turned to face you, and you could tell he was scared.

“Connor?” you ask lightly, “Did you mean what you said?” You were kind of frightened by the answer, but you had to know.

He scoffs before finally turning towards you. He had a sad kind of smile on his face and your heart broke at the sight of it. “Of course I meant it (Y/N), I beat up a guy ‘for your honor’. But I know that you don’t feel the same way, so I’m just going to go home and forget today happened.” He tried to pull out of your grip, but you just held on tighter. Looking at your face he stops.

“I do feel the same way Connor,” you confessed. You could see the shock and confusion on his face and you plowed on. “When you were taken to the principal’s office I waited for all of lunch, I couldn’t stop worrying about you and what was happening. You’re my rock, you’re the person who knows me better than anyone, and apparently you’re the person who’d fight for my honor, even if it gets you in trouble.”

“You don’t want me, I’m a mess, (Y/N).”

You pull him closer, and take hold of his chin. “Connor Murphy, you are not a mess. You are a complicated human being who I love and it would be a privilege to be yours.” And then his lips are on yours and you melt as you feel his arms move to your waist.

When you pull away for air you rest your forehead against his and just take in the fact that Connor loved you, and you loved him. Life may be hard, but you knew that you would fight for each other, and that was more than you could ask for.

Tag List: @helplesshansen

[foggyhoundbiscuitskeleton]

I listened to the beating od Billie’s heart, as it helped calm me and made me fall in love even harder. I listened to her heart for about three hours, before finally drifting off to think about Billie in my dreams.

I woke up the next morning to see that Billie was gone, but her side of the bed was still warm, I cuddled with her pillow, before scrolling through Tik Tok. I was only two videos deep, when a video bashing me came up and I quickly swiped off the app, I got on Instagram next, that was a bad idea. All my comments on my photos were either hate comments or death threats, I let out a gasp reading them. “You should kill yourself,” “Billie could do better then you, your trash,” “I hope you and your family dies!” They went on and on, I felt hot tears come pouring down my cheeks the more I read them, and I had to throw my phone across the room to stop. I got up and paced the room, trying to decide what to do, my mind was racing too with every step I took. I finally decided that I would take a hot shower, as that seemed to help cure any issue I had. Once, I got out of the shower and put the nice hotel robe on, I walked out of the bathroom and saw Billie sitting on the bed.

“So, I have a surprise for you!”

“Ummmm....ok, what is it?” I asked curiously.

Billie pulls a thin red letter from behind her back and hands it to me. I take the letter and observe it, as I try to figure out what it is.

“Well, go on and open it!”

“I’m just trying to take a mental guess of what it is.” I reply.

“Screw a mental guess, just open it!”

I open the letter and before my eyes, I held two VIP backstage passes to Taylor Swift’s concert in Dallas, which was the next city we were going too. I stood standing still from shock as I processed getting to meet my second mother, I was speechless, I never had someone give such a nice gift.

“Do you like it?”

“Like it, I freaking love it, thank you, thank you, thank you!” I cheer.

I run over and wrap my arms around Billie in a big bear hug, while I preceded to pepper her face with kisses. She giggles as I kiss her cheek over and over, and a big smile spreads across my face.

“You really shouldn’t have!” I note.

“Well, I know how hard yesterday was for you and I wanted to do something nice and relaxing for you, because you deserve it.”

“Awwwww........I love and appreciate you....I also would love to go to that concert.” I reply nervously.

Billie hopped in the shower to get ready for her sound check, we wanted to cancel today’s show, but it would look really sus, and we couldn’t have that right now. I couldn’t risk going to the show and being attacked so I decided to stay at the hotel during the concert, but I would watch Billie do her soundcheck. I left my phone of the floor and turned on the t.v. and watched a Dave Chappelle comedy show on Netflix, as comedy shows always cheer me up. Billie got out of the shower lookin fine as fuk, she was dressed in a lime green Gucci track suit with red Jordan's, and these big boxy black sunglasses. She walked over to me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

“Are you coming to my soundcheck?”

“Yeah, I’m going to put some clothes and call my mom, then I’ll be down.” I answer.

“Ok, well I’m going to order some food what do you want?”

“Where are you ordering from?” I ask.

“Depends on what kind of food you want.”

“Can we get cheeseburgers? "I question.

“Of course, baby, I’ll go ahead and order them, so don’t take too long.”

“Ok, love you!” I say as I kiss her.

“Love you too!”

I quickly put some grey Nike sweatpants on and one of Billie’s oversized anime shirts, I think it was a Death Note character, but I wasn’t sure. I grab my phone from off the floor and call my mom, she picked up in a tired tone, I forgot there was a four-hour time difference and it was currently 12pm.

“Hello, Y/N.”

“Hey, mom what’s going on.” I smiled.

“It’s 8am, so not much I just woke up.”

“Sorry mom, I forgot about the time difference, but it’s nice to hear your voice!” I laughed.

“It’s nice to hear yours too, you need to call more, I miss you Y/N!”

“I know, I’ve been busy lately, also mom don’t get on social media ok?” I said.

“Why, what happened?”

“Well, I’m currently being bashed, because I’ve been romantically connected with Billie.” I hesitated.

“Romantically connected, did a sex tape get leaked or,”

“Jesus no mom!” I cut her off.

“It’s a long story that I don’t really feel like talking about, but another type of video got leaked and now people think Billie and I are together.” I huffed.

“First I’m your mother I need to know about the other things, second are you two......together?”

“Um....no....yesssss actually!” I mumbled.

“Ok, well this is a..... surprise... but a good one, well when do I get to meet her?”

“I’m not really sure yet, but she got me Taylor Swift concert tickets for Dallas, which is our next city.” I hummed.

“That sounds like fun, but I want to meet her, also I want to know what else you did!”

“Chill mom, you can meet her when we go to Florida, you can fly down and stay with Aunt Lizzy, also I’ll have to call you back and tell you all about my touring experience, I have to go and do work right now!” I rush.

“Ok, well I guess I’ll go ahead and take off for work then, and I’ll be expecting that call later.”

“Ok, love you, have nice day!” I replied.

“Love you too, stay out of trouble, ok Y/N, also tell Billie I said hi.”

“Will do bye!” I said.

After my call, I made my way to the arena to watch Billie practice. Lucky the arena was two blocks down from the hotel so I just walked. I showed my ID to the security guard and walked backstage and found Zoe sitting tweeting something.

“Hey, what’s up.” I asked.

“Oh, hey Y/N I didn’t see you sorry, I was just tweeting.”

“Yeah, what about?” I questioned.

“Nothing just bashing some Danielle fans, for talking shit, they deserve it!”

“Oh, sounds like fun, I got on Tik Tok this morning then cried, some people were bashing me.” I whispered.

“Aw Y/N, I’m sorry, I know that sucks the first time it happens, but after the third you stop giving a fuck, fuck them haters, they can suck your dick!”

“Thanks Zoe, that was really inspirational, I feel better, moved actually.” I grinned.

“Shut up before I go on Twitter and bash you, whore!”

I flipped Zoe off then ask, “Anyway, where’s Billie?”

She points, "Go down that hall, turn left, and that is the entrance to the stage, she’s warming up.”

“Thanks” I respond.

“No problem.”

Zoe goes back to staring at her phone and I speed walk down the hall to see my queen. I get the entrance and peek my head out, there I saw Billie looking beautiful as ever singing her heart out as she swayed on her feet. The stag lights gave her face a natural glow, along with making her eyes twinkle.

“What is it about him, he must be doing something.”

I listen to her finish her song, sneakily listening from the hall, she was the best singer I’ve ever heard live, that was of course until I go to see Taylor, but still she sounded angelic. She finishes her set and I walk out on stage to greet her.

“Hey baby, how is your mom?”

“She’s good, she said hi, is the food here I’m starving?” I ask as I wrap me arms around her waist and kiss her on the nose. Billie was a little bit shorter than me, with her being 5’3 and me at 5’6, even though I was taller I still felt like the baby of the relationship.

“It should be here, I got you extra fries too!”

“Thank you, well let’s go eat.”I said.

We devoured our food and chatted as the time grew closer for Billie to preform. I knew Billie was nervous about the meet and greet that was at 4, two hours before the concert that way she would have plenty of time to meet everyone. Once, 3 rolled around Billie put the final touches on her outfit, adding some gold chains and putting her hair in some space buns. I watched in aw as she got ready, she was so beautiful!

“Can I do your makeup?” I asked.

“What?”

“Can I do your makeup, if not it’s ok, your just so pretty and I want to highlight some of that!” I whisper.

“Of course, baby, make me look pretty!”

“Your already pretty, let me grab my makeup bag.” I respond.

I sat Billie down in a chair, I started off by adding some blush to her face to give her a flushed, cute look. Then I added some highlight to make her sparkle, and lastly, I added a little eyeshadow for some dramatic effect.

“Well, what do you think?” I question.

“Damn, I might have to hire you to do my makeup!”

“I don’t know I already do your behind-the-scenes work.” I joke.

“What’s one more thing then.”

Billie leans forward and kisses me, then she looks deep into my eyes and tells me, "So, I know it’s been a hard two days, and I know you don’t want to come to the concert, but I need you to be here for the last song ok?”

“I never said I wouldn’t come, I can stay backstage and listen to you, I just don’t wanna be anywhere near the crowd.” I replied.

“Ok, well I need you to be here for the last song.”

“Why?” I ask.

“You’ll see it’s a surprise!”

“Ok!” I laugh.

I decided while Billie was doing her meet and greet, I would go back to the hotel and nap, since I was still tired from all the traveling we’ve been doing. I give her one final kiss, and start my way back to the hotel. I wake up from my nap and feel a lot better, I decide to make myself look more presentable since I have a surprise waiting for me. I put on a purple flannel that I didn’t button but tie instead, along with a pair of tight black jeans, and checker boots. I curl my hair and put on some makeup, adding a little spray of perfume too. I was too scared to walk over and be recognized, so I called Zoe to come pick me up instead. She gets to the hotel, and we drive back to the arena.

“Soooo, are you excited for tonight, because you look super hot and you never look like this?”

“I mean, I’m a little nervous, but I’ll be ok, I would feel a lot better if you told me the surprise.” I smirk.

“No, I don’t even know what it is, only Fineas does, and good luck getting it out of him.”

“Fine!” I huffed.

I got backstage in time to give Billie a good luck kiss and see her walk on the stage.

“I’m excited for you to see your surprise!”

“I’m nervous now!” I gasp.

“Don’t be your gonna love it!”

Billie turned and ran onto the stage. I watched her give her opening speech then preform a couple of her songs before walking back to the lounge. Fineas and Zoe laid sprawled out, making little conversation with each other as they watched the screen that showed Billie’s performance. I sat doen beside Zoe picking her feet up to make room for me.

“God Zoe your feet sink!” I gag.

“Your stupid they do not, they literally spell delicious I’ve been told so.”

“You're fucking disgusting!” I sass.

Zoe sticks out her tongue as I make a gagging face.

“You two aren’t right man!”

Zoe and I die laughing! I chat with Zoe and Fineas as Billie pushes through her performance, absolutely killing it as always! That’s when she finally announces, “I have a special song I’d like to sing tonight it means a lot to me and someone else who’s in my life. I wrote this last night and finished it up this morning, it’s called Everything I Wanted.”

[littleblackneko]

Dear Evan Hansen Secret Santa Present

Hi @killingstalking5381 im your Santa for the @dearevanhansensecretsanta I hope you enjoy this fic and have a great holiday season :) Could It Be I Like You- by Connor Dante It was December 22nd, and the twist in Evan's gut grew tighter as he approached the Murphy household. Not just because of the shouting coming from the inside, but because he knew there was something wrong with him. Evan picked at flecks of stiff material coming off his cast. He steeled himself, breathing in and out deeply, trying not to panic. He was there to see Zoe. And say hello to her brother. As a friend. At least that's what he told himself as he reached out and rapped gently on the door. There was no answer, and the yelling on the other side continued. He didn't want to interrupt what was going on, but the reservation was in twenty minutes, and it took fifteen to get to the restaurant, plus time to walk to and from the car, and to get coats on and...and if they didn't leave soon, they'd be late and they might lose their reservation and… Evan knocked more firmly on the door. To get Zoe, he thought, he was here to pick up Zoe. Evan took a step back at the glare that the tall, lanky Connor Murphy had on his face. When he registered it was Evan, his face softened and he stepped to the side. "Ever heard of a doorbell, Hansen?" he smirked, the previous tension a distant memory. Evan's voice got caught in his throat searching for a reply, and he tugged at the sleeve of his polo. Connor chuckled as Evan stepped inside, "You know I'm kidding, right?" He then hollered for Zoe to get her ass downstairs in a tone that Evan hoped was also a joke. Evan said nothing as he tried not to examine the way the long, dark hair fell over Connor's shoulders in a haphazard but luxurious fashion. He startled himself at the thought and tried to force it out of his head. Zoe walked into the room then, laughing for some reason when she saw the two boys. Evan shrugged it off as something he missed, but Connor agitated. It was very clear as tenseness enveloped his body that he thought that she was laughing at him. He not so subtly flipped her off, snarling, “Evan’s here.” “I see that,” she said unphased by the sudden mood shift, grabbing her bright purple coat and throwing it over her shoulders. “C’mon, Evan, let’s leave him here to stew.” “‘M not stewing,” Connor grumbled but they were already out the door. ~~~~ After Zoe and Evan pulled away, Connor skulked over the couch, bringing his knees up to his face and burying a scream in them. Why did Zoe have to get up in his business all the fucking time? She knew this was a pressure point for him and she’d dug her stupid little fingers into it. So what if she thought he always looked at Evan a little too long? So what?! It didn’t mean he was gay or anything. Right? No, he couldn’t be. Absolutely not. He already had enough issues, he didn’t need to give another excuse for the rest of the world to hate him. But his sister insisted it was true, absent-mindedly stating that she thought that they would make a cute couple just to piss him off. Couldn’t he just want to have a friend? Was that so hard to believe? But no, Zoe wouldn’t stop poking at the nerve, the little dot of his being that was questioning whether the rest of him was right or not. That little part that agreed with Zoe. That little part of him that wondered why it would be so bad. That little part that just wouldn’t quit wondering what it would be like to kiss Evan Hansen. Zoe thought they’d be great together, but who knows whether that was real or just to frustrate Connor. Was it real or just a little game she was playing to put doubt in his mind. He wasn’t gay...he wasn’t! But he was starting to have trouble convincing himself of that since Evan had shown up at the door. Hell, he’d had trouble since Evan showed up in his life. If he wasn’t interested in Evan, why was he so frustrated that Evan was out with his sister right now? ~~~~ Evan did everything right: opening the car for her, holding the door, pulling out the chair in the restaurant, offering the thing as close to easy conversation as he could manage, so he was a little shocked when, in the middle of their meal, Zoe brings up Connor. More specifically, Evan and Connor. He feels his heart skip a little when she suggests, “Y’know, I think you two would be cute together.” He almost spews his drink, as well, but he’s not about to admit that. Was he mistaken, or was Zoe not viewing this as a date, but as an...opportunity to set him up with her angry older brother? She must just not like him. That has to be it, she doesn’t like him and she doesn’t want him to feel bad about it, so she’s making up this story that her brother has a crush on him. And yeah, Connor wasn’t a bad guy, and maybe they were kind of friends, but it wasn’t like that, he wasn’t interested in him like that. “No, Zoe, I’m not gay,” Evan tried to protest, but his voice came out in a whisper. “Having a raging crush on my brother doesn’t mean you’re gay. You could be bi, or pan, or anything.” “I’m not-- I don’t--.” He stuttered out. “I believe you even less than I believe Connor.” “You’ve talked to him about this?” Evan felt heat rising on his neck that he didn’t know how to explain away. This was ridiculous, right? Zoe didn’t know what she was talking about. He wasn’t...he couldn’t be. He couldn’t have been lying to himself for this long. “Well, yeah. Both of you, I just want you to be happy. Even though he’s a dick, you two would be, like, good for each other. And you deserve that.” The room was getting too small. The corners of his vision were hazy. His heart was pounding too hard and heavy for him to pretend that he was okay. Damn, and he hadn’t brought any of his emergency meds. “I need-- I have to-- bathroom.” He managed to spit out before bolting out of his chair. Zoe looked concerned but luckily didn’t follow him as he sped away towards refuge, a pair of exquisite eyes and long brown hair flashing in his mind that didn’t belong to Zoe. He quickly realized they had resided there long before Zoe had even mentioned the possibility to Evan. What was wrong with him? ~~~~ What the fuck was wrong with him? Connor was resisting the urge to yank his hair out, or just to do something stupid, anything, to get him off this trail that his sister had started him down. Because even if he was interested, which he definitely couldn’t be, but even if he was, there was no way he was good enough for someone as sweet and kind and beautiful as Evan. Connor was a self-proclaimed mess. He would never be good enough for anyone. And that’s when he realized he had thought of Evan as being beautiful. Fuck. He knew what he had to do. He texted his sister the plan (he was sure she’d be thrilled) and grabbed it before rushing to the front doorway to wait. ~~~~ After Evan’s panic attack, he had returned to the table, significantly more reserved, still fighting his realization. After the bill was paid, they sat in awkward silence on the ride home. Evan’s head was reeling over his revelation, and Zoe seemed apologetic for putting him into such a funk. All that was in Evan’s mind though was how he didn’t realize it earlier. He had feelings for Connor Murphy. How did he not see it before? Under that abrasive exterior was someone so beautiful and kind-hearted and he wanted him so badly now that he ached. Despite this discovery, what was he supposed to do about it? Zoe had implicitly stated that Connor wasn’t interested in him. She remained quiet as she messed about on her phone and Evan drove with his fingers tense around the wheel until they pulled up to the Murphy household. Evan was frozen in place until Zoe gave a sly smile and asked him to come inside. He obeyed , but his mind wasn’t in the present anymore. His entire mind was just worry, worry, worry now. Feet walked mechanically to the front door. “Evan, how about you go in first?” Zoe said, unlocking the door. Evan quietly agreed, throwing open the door. He was faced with Connor again, this time in a much different light. This time Evan knew what he wanted and what he thought he could never have. And then he noticed what Connor was holding above Evan’s head. Mistletoe. “This alright, Hansen?” Zoe had slipped through the door past them to offer some privacy, and Evan was thankful; he was sure his face was bright red. “Yeah, it’s alright. F-for sure.” Connor’s mouth turned up at the corners ever so delicately as he leaned in and placed a kiss gently on Evan’s lips. Evan’s hand came up to tangle in that luxuriously long hair and Connor cupped Evan’s cheek on the other side. Hold. Breathe. “That was…” “Yeah.” Evan felt the tingle running from head to toe. This time, though, it wasn’t anxiety or fear. It was utter bliss.

[fly-like-a-grayson]

New in Town Pt. 3 (Connor Murphy x Reader)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

WC: 2,501 (under a read more cuz it’s long-ish)

A/N: Do people actually like this series? ALSO, JODIE WHITTAKER IS THE 13TH DOCTOR 

You looked at Alana with a quirked brow, “Where are we going? We passed your turn.” She didn’t say anything as she navigated her way to Zoe’s house. You could see her little-satisfied smirk as she drove. You huffed in annoyance and crossed your arms over your chest, “You’re rude.”

“You’ll thank me later.”, she declared as you pulled into the driveway of someone’s house. You didn’t recognize this house, but you were only friends with Alana so you didn’t expect to.

But, you did recognize the person who answered the door, Zoe Murphy. Then you immediately knew why you were here. Your stomach churned as you two entered the nice looking home.

“So, Y/N, Alana told me you’ve got some boy troubles.”, Zoe said with a flirty smile.

You shook your head, “Nope. No boy troubles for me. I don’t even know what a boy is, what’s a boy?”. You nervously chuckled at Alana and Zoe.

“Look, I get it. You for some unknown reason like my brother. Normally I would try to convince you that he is a terrible and evil person, which he is, but Alana insists that you two would be a nice couple. I trust her, so I’ll help set you two up. But, if you decide to dump him because he’s an ass, I won’t stop you.”

“Okay, but what if I don’t want to date him?”

Alana scoffed, “You told me you had a crush on him, how could you not want to date someone you like?”

You stared at her in disbelief, “I told you I wanted to be friends with him!”

“I can read between the lines, Y/N. You want to date him and I will get you to date him.”, she said as she got out her car keys again, “Zoe and I are going to a party, you’ll stay here with Connor.”

The two started to leave, but you spoke to them, “How will you know if I leave?”

Alana looked back at you, “Oh, we won’t, but if you leave we might have to take more direct measures.” She laughed evilly as they left.

“You guys are butt heads!”, you yelled as they closed the door. You spoke aloud to yourself, “Why should I stay here? They probably didn’t mean it, I mean, Alana wouldn’t do that, right? Plus, you can’t force two people to get together, that’s just not how love works. Plus he made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me, so why do I even try? I should just go home and never leave the house again. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do! Great idea, Y/N. Oh, thank you, Y/N. You’re welcome, Y/N.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?!”, you heard a gruff voice bark from behind you.

You whipped around to see Connor Murphy looking at you with an angry face, “Wow, Connor. Fancy seeing you here.”. You leaned against the counter to seem cool, but you just looked as awkward as you felt.

He rolled his eyes, “I live here, but you still haven’t answered my question.”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, “Well, I came to hang out with Zoe and Alana but they skedaddled and here I am.”

“Then why don’t you leave?”, he questioned.

You looked down at your feet, “Well, I was wondering if I could stay here.”

He scoffed, “Why do you think I’d let you do that?”

“Well, I’m betting on the fact that you have a cold exterior but you’re secretly wanting to have human interaction.”, you admitted but could tell by his face that he wasn’t amused, “Or not! I don’t really know you, but maybe I could get to know you. Because I don’t think you want to get to know me, I think you are that pretty clear. Maybe you want to talk to someone, I’m a someone. You can talk to me.”

Connor stared at you, confused, “Why would you want to know me?”

“Well, I haven’t really spoken to you. You seem interesting and, well, I’ve heard the rumors,” you admitted.

Connor scoffed, “Oh, so that’s why you stayed? You wanted a free ticket to the freak show!” He was hurt, he actually thought you wanted to get to know him. He assumed you wanted to know the person behind this hard exterior he made.

You quickly took back what you said, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT! I meant that people, they, um, well they say bad things about you! I don’t think they’re true. I want to know the real Connor Murphy. I don’t think you’re a freak.”

Connor glared at you, “Get the hell out of my house.”

“Wait-”

“Get out!”, he commanded.

You grasped your bag and left quickly. You mentally slapped yourself at what you said. You and your big mouth had to go and ruin any chance you had at being friends with him. Maybe you should just give up. Every time you try to talk to Connor, things go to shit.

You called Alana, “Hey.”

“Hi? Is something wrong?”, she asked with worry in her voice. She could clearly hear the sadness in yours.

“As I expected, your stupid plan didn’t work and now Connor thinks I only want to know him because people think he’s a freak,” you said sitting on the curb outside the Murphy’s house.

Alana sighed, “Well, I’m sorry. I’m sure we’ll have to try again later.”

“NO! No, no, no, no, no! I don’t want you to try. The universe doesn’t want Connor and me to be friends. We’ve gotta accept that and move on with our lives,” you protested.

“Okay, fine. What are you doing now?”, she asked.

You fiddled with your shoelaces, “Well, I was thinking of going home.”

“You should come here, to the party! It’s not really my scene, but there’s not a ton of people here. It’ll be fun.”, she said with pep.

“I don’t know, Lana,” you said with uncertainness, “I’m not really a party person. Plus, you and I have different definitions of fun.”

She scoffed, “Don’t be like that. I need someone to talk to and you’re the only person who will listen and not say anything. Well, besides Evan Hansen but lord knows you’ll never see him at a party.”

“Who?”

“That doesn’t matter, the point is that you’ve just realized that you’ll never get to crack the mystery that is Connor Murphy, so you deserve the chance to have a good time and make some other friends.”, she reasoned.

You sighed, “Text me the address, I’ll find my way there via GPS.”

“I swear, Y/N Y/L/N, you will not regret this.”, she said with a happy tone.

You did regret this.

What was a ‘small party’ ended up being an absolute rager at 9 o’clock. But, you did manage to make a new friend, Jared Kleinman. Alana introduced you two right when you entered the house, and he hadn’t left your side since.

You two were currently drinking beers while watching two other boys wrestle. “So, this is the pinnacle of my high school career. Watching two sweaty, drunk teenagers wrestle it out for no reason. Boy, am I just having the time of my life,” you declared as you drank the rest of your beer.

Jared laughed, “Slow down there, Tiger. You’re going to end up needing to puke and I ain’t going to hold your hair back.”

“You’re just a real prince charming, Kleinman,” you said stumbling up to go to the kitchen, “Come on, I want more and I’m afraid to walk alone.

“Just have the rest of mine.”

You fake grimaced, “Ew, no, it’s got boy cooties.”

He smiled and drank the rest himself. He jumped up off the couch when the two boys who were previously wrestling, were now making out next to him. “That’s enough gay for me, let’s get more alcohol and go outside,” he said, grabbing your hand.

And, you did just that. Now you two were sitting on a bench outside, looking at the stars.

You set your drink down, “So, Mr. Kleinman, what brings you to this establishment?”

He chuckled at your choice of words, “Well, Ms. Y/L/N, Alana invited me over. She said that she a person who would be the perfect friend, and well, I’m not in a position to be turning down friends.”

You smiled, “Neither am I.”

After a few quiet moments, you spoke to him, “Do you know Connor Murphy?”

“Not really, I just know that he threw a printer at a teacher in the 2nd grade. But, yah know, he’s a freak.”, he said with a shrug.

You looked at him with confusion, “But you just said you don’t know him?”

Jared nodded, “Yeah, I don’t.”

“Then how can you know he’s a freak if you haven’t ever talked to him?”, you questioned.

“I just do. Why do you even care?”

You took another swig of beer, “I’m just looking out for him. I may not know him, but he doesn’t deserve to be treated rudely just because he isn’t the most social person.”

He scoffed, “Wow, look at you, Little Miss Sunshine.”

“Why are you being a dick? I’m just trying to talk to you! You don’t have to get all defensive,” you angrily said to him.

He chugged the rest of his beer, “Do you wanna get wasted to forget all our emotions.”

“Hell yeah,” you said dragging him to the kitchen.

An hour later, you were so wasted you almost forgot your own name. You and Jared were back to sitting on the couch when Zoe pulled you away.

“Hey, Y/N. My brother is going to drive you, me, and Alana home,” she said, pulling you to the front door.

You slurred your words as you spoke, “Wait, what about Jared? And where’s my bag?”

She smiled at how wasted you are, “I don’t know if taking Jared is a good idea. Connor doesn’t really like him. Oh, and Alana has your bag.”

You frowned, “But I don’t want him to try to drive and die. Zoe, he’s like the only friend I’ve got.”

“Okay, okay, but you have to make sure he’s not an ass to Connor,” she said now going to get Jared.

“Aye, aye Captain!”, you yelled with a salute.

She then dragged you and Jared to her parents SUV that Connor was driving. She buckled you and Jared in like you two were her helpless children. You and Jared were not a healthy mix when you were drunk. Jared was a happy drunk and you are a sad drunk. He said something about puppies and you burst into tears. No one knew how to help you, and Jared wasn’t even trying.

Zoe and Alana hadn’t had anything to drink, so they tried to talk to you. But you just kept crying because you were amazed that they actually cared about you. Zoe you to stay the night at her house, but Connor strongly protested. That led to them arguing which led to guess what, more crying from you. Eventually, everyone got dropped off by Connor, except you. You lived the farthest from the house so he decided to drop you off last.

When he was stopped at a red light, you climbed into the front seat.

“What the fuck, Y/N?!”, he said as you almost kicked him in the face.

You spoke to him through sniffles, “Why do people hate you?”

“What?”

“Well, Zoe and Jared hate you. I wanna know why because I wanna get to know you but like people are telling me not to,” you tried to explain.

Connor gripped the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the road as he drove to the address Alana gave him.

You looked down as you felt more tears form, “I just want some friends.”

Connor tried not to feel sorry for you, he really did. But he couldn’t control the feeling of sadness that washed over him at your broken voice.

“I just feel alone in this town and Jared and Zoe and Alana want to be my friends, but I want more. I want too much. I want perfect grades, a perfect family, perfect friendships. I keep wishing for a perfect life even though I know it will never happen. I just want this friendship that doesn’t exist between you and me. We’re just not meant to be friends, but I don’t want to accept that,” you said as you shook from sobbing.

Connor felt more awkward than he had in a long time. What the hell was he supposed to say?! Oh, I’m sorry that I don’t want anyone to talk to me because the sheer presence of other people makes me pissed.

You tried to get out of the car when you pulled up to your house, but Conner rushed to open the door for you. You stumbled up to your house but Connor tried to stop you.

“Aren’t your parent’s home or something?”, he asked.

You shook your head, “No, my brothers are though. They’ll be pissed, but keep it a secret.”

He nodded and rang the doorbell. He was struck with fear when a tall, very angry looking man opened the door, but the man’s attention wasn’t on him. It was on Y/N.

“Why the hell are you here when you should be at Zoe’s house? Her mom called and said you had been drinking?! What will mom and dad say, huh?”, he barked at you.

Connor could tell you were about to burst into tears for the trillionth time tonight so he tried to save you. “Well um-”, he started to say but was interrupted.

“Can it, string bean!”, your brother commanded as he grabbed you into the house, “You can leave.” He slammed the door on Connor.

Connor did as he was told, he left. But he hoped that you didn’t get into too much trouble.

Back at your house, you were laying in your bed, trying to fall asleep. You knew you’d feel like shit in the morning, back at least now you had something to talk to Connor about. You fell asleep with a smile on your face at the thought of that.

[thepeerieeen]

I'm having a "bad brain day" so I'm gonna binge watch some (presumably shitty) teenage tv, and you never know, I might enjoy it. So I'm seeing Free Rein on Netflix and I'm gonna give it a watch: here are my thoughts below the cut (it gets long, sorry). I should also note that I know next to nothing about horses or horse riding. Also there are probably spoilers ahead.

Ep1:

Nice scenery

She looks uncomfortable, like they've just put her on a horse and told her to smile

Why is Zoe Scottish

Wait nvm

Oh hey, Zoe's cute

The grandad is brilliant I already love him

Ah, no father. Same

Why is there just shit on the side of the road, there are no animals around and I doubt the horses would go to the side of the road to poo

Why does he still have kids drawings on his cupboards?

Digging the teapot

Ah, layered tops. Typical teenage fashion

"The light will come through again" needing that today

Haha "what's a wifi"

At least they represent Jetlag though

Ah yes, one daughter goes missing - send the other one out to look for her. What could possibly go wrong.

Ooh, that acting wasn't great. Though the blonde is actually quite a good actress

Ooh, Raven. Ooh, foreshadowing (I guess)

K but this isn't the type of thing Austen would write

Why is Marcus like 25, the others are like 12 what

He's not even that attractive? (Says the bisexual who is more into women rn)

Horsome - the new fetch

Ah yes, get off the bike, that makes sense

Oh look a wild horse, who'd've ever thought???

Oh wow! Wild horse who is only understood by outcast? This is groundbreaking!

(Jk I'm kinda into this ngl)

An actual Scottish person!

Who's the guy with the cheekbones and why is he so shifty

What happened to the bike?

Oh Derek is obviously in love with the main stable person

Ah yes, stop looking for your sister and go chat to a horse

Bitch number one has arrived

Of course she owns the horse. That makes sense

They've called him hot Marcus jesus what is this

Cheekbones is stealing. Stop being shifty.

Welp theres the first continuity error I've spotted

Cheekbones is stalking now, apparently

Cheekbones is about to be falling in love, I'm calling it

He's also like, twenty tho

Oh shit what why is she being stalked now??

Ep2:

This is clearly a dream though

Are jelly shoes back in fashion? Sweet

I refuse to believe she could hear him from that distance and a closed window

I predict a love triangle

I mean cheekbones has a point

That wasn't a long conversation, like, that woulda taken an hour for me how does the mother do that?

Ah, ye olde fart joke

Bitch number one pulling the "I have lots of money" card

So they're putting cheekbones and Zoe together. I mean I can live with that

Oh my god cheekbones don't be such an arse

You'd think the mother would have worried if her other daughter didn't turn up the the pier where they agreed to meet?

Let's read mum's old diary! That can never go wrong!

They're literally stalking hot Marcus? Thats a?? Wee bit weird???

They're actually letting Mia go on Raven? Wow

Bob is kinda cute actually

I mean... she kinda deserved to fall not gonna lie

Bet Zoe is gonna make the magazine cover. Would serve Mia right lmao

Ok that's kinda cute, cheekbones. At least we know you're human

Wait what? Is cheekbone's name Pin?

WHAT SORT OF A NAME IS PIN?!

And the mother doesn't want the daughter to be riding. That makes a lot of sense. Totally.

Did she even peel those carrots?

Why has no one noticed she's wearing someone else's hoodie?

THANK YOOOOU

Oh shit, cheekbones is stealing the sedatives. No one saw that coming

Ep3:

K but she didn't say you couldn't go to the stables?

Rosie is honestly brilliant

Grandpa and I are on the same wavelength

Pin cam - idk man surely you could just... talk to him?

How could Marcus tell it was too small?? He wasn't looking at her???

Oh my god. Tie up your hair

Of course she's a prodigy, why wouldn't she be

They actually have a secret hip hop dance routine?? I wanna see that not gonna lie

The pun and finger guns have me. This kid is my new favourite character

Rosie, much though I like you, that is a total breach of privacy

Told you Pin cam would backfire

Now Marcus is going to find out about her "recording him"

It's only £10? I wanna go to pony camp.

Bet cheekbones is gonna go into where she just went

Called it

There must be a more subtle way to break into the medicine cabinet than with a screwdriver?

He's obviously not a horse thief? Medicine thief sure, horse thief nah

And I suppose that's Raven telling her it wasn't him, because that makes perfect sense

Ugh Mia calm down

Tbh maybe the parents would be better off separated? But like idk

It's the police, for why

Of course it was firefly that got stolen. I kinda feel for Mia and her bad acting.

Ep4:

How come is Pin allowed to come back even though he was stealing sedatives? That's still kinda illegal?

You're not banned from the stables though, are you Zoe

Rosie you sarcastic legend

She has a point though, what if she breaks her leg

Why is everyone attracted to Marcus?

Puns

Oh look, it pin

.....why do I dress the same way as Pin?

Who in their right mind needs three horses?

Pin is ignoring her - quite right honestly

Ah yes, subtly eavesdropping

I bet Elliot isn't even E

Ben is great

Ben and Rosie are in love. I've decided.

If course Pin is leading the hack

Mr Cheekbones! That's totally who he is! I called it!

He clearly doesn't want to talk, like... maybe let Pin get over the whole getting arrested thing? Idk

Why Becky? I don't understand?

Ah yes, follow the broody horse guy who was stealing sedatives, that can't possibly go wrong and is obviously the best option

Wait so Zoe followed Pin to his house and is now demanding he tells her what he has in the weird crate thing? Wow

And it's a horse. Wow. It's not like this is a horse show or anything

Called it, not a horse thief

Pin’s actually kinda sweet

Wait

Am I attracted to Pin?

I think I'm attracted to Pin

Shit

Decent cinematography there though

Ghost pony is a brilliant story

Wow Mia is such a dick

Now, this can go one of two ways. And I confidently predict Mia is gonna tell Zoe's mum she's not allowed to ride

Called it

Ep5:

Well the riding crop thing Is obviously the mother's

Oh yeah, Marcus is a character

How did anyone actually get close enough to Raven to braid his tail?

Savaaaaaaage

Ugh "like electricity" ughhh

What happened to Rosie?

Grandpa is brilliant and I love him

Why would fixing a radio make it up to Pin? I don't understand?

Those leather trousers though....

They're actually kinda cute together.... what is this

I ship it?

I still find Pin vaguely attractive and idk why

Oh hey Marcus, you're here as Love Interest #2

Oh no, I feel a bit bad for Rosie, I hope she doesn't get bullied

I'm emotionally attached

What is this

Why am I hooked on this television programme

Why

She can't seriously be intending to stay the whole night in the hay? It gets cold at night how're they gonna survive?

Oh actually Rosie might do okay. Cool

Who is gonna clean up all those crisps though?

Ghost pony, again

Pebbles?! Brilliant

I love Becky.

This can not end well

Definition of me on social media

She has five horses? Who needs five horses??

It's gonna be Rosie and crew, not horse thieves

..., that was unexpected

I am also relieved to find out there is no ghost pony

Look at them, stealing the horse.

Or not

Ep6:

Oh yeah, time zones are a thing

Rosie is not a subtle eavesdropper

Ah, a horse show. Why didn't I expect that

£15,000. Enough to, say, help this stable that is running low on money which we have been repeatedly told from the first episode? Let me guess, another, rival stable always wins and there's no way they could never pull it off?

Holloway Riding School. Called it

Can Becky just give away food?

"Keeping you entertained is easy" is it though????

Mate listen to his teachings.

You need your foundations in place before you can get any good?

"Let me go over the jump" "no" *does it* "wow well done"

Ugh she's gonna ride raven

Bet it doesn't go well

That's very Rube Goldberg not gonna lie

One little ride around the paddock will hurt

There's a race? The quads are gonna win

Bob was not made for speed.

And there goes Raven

Because obviously.

Pin looks worried because he has a crush on Zoe. Obviously

And yet Marcus is gonna get all the glory

That cringey ADR

Marcus has a point though, the basics are important

We're unlocking Maggie's backstory

She can't still be upset about a horse that died over 15 years ago?

I ship Becky and Jade not gonna lie

Ugh team lists. I'm calling it Zoe will have made it on despite not even trying out

Yup.

Wait she's reserve on Raven? Why? That's not a good move?

Ep 7:

Mia is such a bitch

Ok Raven doesn't like water, and I confidently predict this is an important plot point

Ooooh Mia just got rejected

So now the Ghost Pony is Emerald

Zoe you are so naive Marcus is asking you to the dance

Becky I love you and the mystery tortilla

Mia hasn't made the cover, I can predict.

I do feel a bit bad for Mia with her not very good father who isn't really there for her

That colour of green is a really nice colour of green. It brings out Pin's eyes. Ew, stop, why am I like this

Pin stop

Is zoe about to be murdered?

I thought the ghost pony was called Pebbles?

Why has Ted suddenly warmed up to Zoe?

Unlocking Raven's backstory

Pins name is actually Peter. Huh

It's nice that the moor pony is getting better enough to eat an apple

She's not on the cover

Pin likes Zoe and I ship it

Tedward

She's on her way to Steel (lol) his heart

Perfect - let the horse who is scared of water jump the water jump what could go wrong. Throw in an inexperienced rider into the mix and it's a perfect combination.

Wait this is actually kinda sweet

A funeral for Emerald is lovely

But the name Edward begins with an E so maybe E wasn't just Emerald

You could fall. IN LOVE. WITH PIN. OH MY GOD PLS

Wait what

Why has the photographer never heard of brightfields

Mia is so stuck up but I quite like her

I definitely did not need to take a 20 minute break just trying to find out how old Freddy Carter was, jesus.

Throwing stones at the windows, teenage stereotypes

They're cute

Ah, he couldn't say Peter, hence the Pin

Oh my god heartbreaking

Now they're going to the dance. Nice one

Oh god is Mia gonna do something to sabotage Zoe and Pin?

Holy shit is Ghost Pony real?

Ep8:

I actually quite like that yellow dress, not gonna lie

I love Becky and so does Jade

It's totally a date don't lie to yourself Zoe

Mia can get tae

Pin don't listen to her

She wouldn't tell you if it wasn't true though would she, Pin you imbecile

Rosie stop sabotaging, your mother is allowed to have friends

Oh shit they were a couple

Wait

What if it turns out Pin and Zoe are siblings

Wait no I'm thinking too much into this

Pin calm it

Marcus be happy

Pin... just.........

bob wyd

They're married.

"I already did" I mean....,

How are they upset by that?

Literally just talk to each other? This would make everything so much easier?

And Raven is still scared of water. Don't blame him, honestly

Ben and Rosie are evil geniuses

Becky is adorable and thinks safety goggles would help prevent death

She also thinks carrots glow in the dark

Wait how does Maggie know about the whole boys thing

Offscreen I guess

I mean I wouldn't wear that dress, but I guess it's okay?

Rosie fixing lights is not going to end well

Yup.

Where did ted come from? How did he get there so fast?

I mean Zoe actually pulls off that dress

Has Becky been murdered?

Oh yeah, Becky has a blog

I don't necessarily understand how or why a ghost pony is scary

Oh wait it's a person

Is it the horse thieves

It is the horse thieves

Why did they wait until dark? That would have been a long time to wait to capture the horse thief

Derek is a brilliant character

Who is very obviously in love with Sam

That barn actually looks pretty good

Pin went with Mia? That's surprising

Ted and Maggie are cute

Ben and Rosie are also cute

Derek and Sam are also a little bit cute

Piiiin don't be a diiiick

Those shoes don't really go with that outfit tho...

Rosie is in the spotlight though and I'm sure she's loving it

Mia go and just stop

Ooh thunder

Marcus is following Zoe who is following Pin who is going home

Oh wait Pin and Zoe are arguing in the rain. I may not be familiar with tropes but I'm pretty sure that they're about to kiss

And they're cute and I ship them

Marcus is just casually watching around the corner. Like a stalker

Was not expecting that?

Of course this is when the horse thieves take Raven

Ok but shouting after him is hardly gonna do anything?

Ep9:

I mean... it wasn't even her horse

That's so Raven

Wait they have security camera surely the thief will be ca- oh there was a power cut

But there was a back up generator?

Wait but Zoe is supposed to ride on Raven in the show? Assuming she has to

Rosie is so extra

Oh my god just like... idk kiss

That highlight tho

"That's what I love about you" pin, do continue

Pin you genius

So now they're off to look for this horse

Why didn't they just have this chat at the stables before they left and saved time?

"If the storm comes in again turn back" so the storm is gonna come in again and one or more of them aren't gonna turn back. Ok

"I am scared of the tooth fairy! What does she need all those teeth for? What's her plan?" Same Becky

Ben and Rosie have a handshake, this is cute

What is her plan

Becky is me with every single person I have a crush on

This is a significant character development for Mia

Ok so the only group not turning back is mia, susie, and Zoe

This is not going to end well

Mia.... Zoe can't control the weather?

That recording is in no way convincing

Wait how big is this island???

Either Mia or Zoe is going to get hurt

Ghost pony?

I mean this is just a bad horror movie now

Oh shit, firefly?

And Mia got hurt. Okay.

Wait so if Mia's hurt, she can't do the show?

Wait so the dad just turned up?

I like that there has been a character development now we sorta understand Mia's actions

So Mia can't ride

Wait what

Who is this and why is she here

Why is that so ominous

Ep10:

Rosie is so done with England

Sam is being pretty chill

Oh never mind

Marcus also has a crush

Still a Pin supporter tho

Rosie is brilliant

I would wear every single outfit pin has worn this season, not gonna lie

Becky is not helpful

And a raven horseshoe? Really?

Wait... nah never mind

Wow the mystery lady from the jaguar was just suuuuper rude to pin

I'm with Ted - it's totally what he thinks

Oh shit wait is Sam a horse thief?

Oh she is! Okay

That was a twist

I did not see that one coming

Don't just ignore Pin?

So now she just tells her that Raven is still on the island? Okay

Yaaas Pin! Go with her!

What signal? You can't just say wait for my signal and then not say what the signal is?

Wait but Zoe is getting the stolen horse and can't ride

Wait pin what are you doing

Oh the horseshoe

Wait if Mia could have ridden anyway, why put Zoe on?

I get the whole sprained ankle thing but she's just doing it?

Oh look, clever parallels between Mia doing the show and Zoe escaping

But what happened to Pin

And Rosie, where is Rosie

Oh look, water

Any bets Raven overcomes his fear and makes it across

Well look at that!

Also there's pin, he looks so proud

Dereeeeeek how do you feel

Oh no, pin don't feel bad. It's only Marcus... well actually..

"Derek" "its officer wrigley" savaaaaage

Wait.... his last name is wrigley?!

Is this their secret hip hop routine?! Oh my god this is brilliant!

I'm calling it - they've won

Yeah

Everyone has just left Mia lmao

Pin didn't even ride why is he there?

SUSIE HAD A BOYFRIEND ALL ALONG

IM SHOOK

if there was a scout at the riding school, they wouldn't send a letter if they didn't let him in?

Of course he got in that just makes sense?

Why would they send him a letter telling him he didn't get in if he was scouted?? It makes no sense????

And they kissed. Wow. There was like, no build up for that, Zoe and Pin, however....

Wait so Zoe is still not interested?

And now she's going to Pin?

Throwback to the singing teapot

It Pin

Oh that was actually pretty funny? I guess? Nice one Pin

Wait what's happening

Haha Lavinia

Ah, back to old Raven/Midnight Blue i guess

What do you want her to do Pin, I don't???

Ok so this is not a satisfying ending

Pin... are you literally stealing a horse right now?

Okay this is a lovely scene and all but how realistic is this

"I won't let you" you can't stop her???

Wait what

Okay so she can stay in England or go to America

She's gonna stay

They'll get renewed for a season two and she'll stay

And fall in love with pin

Because reasons

Should I stay or should I go now

Of course Mia is gonna buy the stables.

To summarise: That wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be - I actually quite enjoyed it.

[whatamidoinggg]

Au Where Connor Lives ( DEH headcanons)

- Connor eventually apologizes (in his own awkward way) for being a dick to Evan -Evan really awkwardly accepts and immediately runs off because he’s so flustered and anxious -Evan gathers up all his courage to say hi go Connor the next day, because he thinks maybe Connor just needs a friend -but Connor is taken off guard by the boy’s friendly gesture and Evan takes it as he just doesn’t like him so he starts rambling and getting jittery -He explains the letter from the library and apologizes profusely for upsetting the other until Connor interrupts -Connor cracks a dorky lil joke and gets him to calm down, assuring him it was okay and not his fault -they have a tentative friendship for a while, learning each other slowly but surely -Connor works on dealing with his negative emotions more, just so he doesn’t frighten/hurt Evan -Evan appreciates this and finds comfort in the other’s company -it’s by no means perfect -sometimes Connor will shut Evan out completely if he’s having a really hard time -And Evan is Trying His Best but sometimes his negative emotions get the best of him and he’ll just hide in the bathroom at school all day -Evan isn’t very good at opening up about how he really feels either, which frustrates Connor a little because he cares -But it’s easier to live life now that they have each other!! -Evan and Connor share the same kind of humor, which is a lot of sarcasm and death jokes -“Please kill me I don’t want to go to school” “Aren’t you being dramatic?” “It’s only dramatic if I don’t mean it, okay” -T r e e facts 24/7, anytime it’s relevant Evan will swoop in with his tree facts!! (Connor thinks it’s cute) -CONNOR PAINTS THEIR NAILS I LOVE THIS OKAY - Evan: *softly but with feeling* “f u c k: Connor: GaSP!! HAVE I CORRUPTED YOUR PURE SOUL?!?!??!?! Evan: *stares into audience like he’s on The Office* -Evan steals Connor’s cigarettes and hides them from him (which annoys Connor but in the long run encourages him to quit (out of sheer annoyance)) -Connor spends a lot of time over his house -Evan loves touching his hair? Connor is like "it’s weird and long” but Evan is just like in awe of it because it’s the prettiest hair ever -Sometime Evan gets tense and starts shaking a little for no reason and Connor just kind shuffles close and let’s Evan lean into him so he can relax -EVAN GETS HIS CAST OFF AND KEEPS IT BC OF CONNOR’S NAME ON IT AND IT HAS MEMORIES -They become inseparable -Zoe is insanely bewildered because they seem like such polar opposites -Now she starts notices Evan but surprise! He’s kind of over her! His interest sort of waned (And Connor is secretly pleased) -His mom is so Proud he’s got a friend and fawns over Connor in her motherly way -Jared disapproves because he’s low key worried that Evan is gonna get hurt by this guy -Jared does the thing where he acts like like a jerk to cover up that he cares and Evan eventually sees through this -Evan eventually convinces Jared that Connor is good -Jared and Connor banter relentlessly when placed in the same room, but they are actually pretty okay with each other -Alana is just Over! The! Moon! that they’re the Bestest Friends! because no one deserves to be alone and she thinks it’s nice

THIS CONCLUDES HC’S THAT LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED FOR!!!! I have a lot of headcanons so I might do another..