#i didn't even talk about the chronic pain... sad.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

jotting down a couple of my solaris post death engine headcanons. hospitalization and mental decline is discussed, although not in all too thorough detail, so i suppose that's a cw?

saying that the medical team didn't consider solaris worth saving wouldn't exactly be accurate. but her condition seemed bleak, and her survival chance was incredibly slim

physical injuries aside, her radiation poisoning was the worst of it. when she was initially brought in after the crash, she wasn't expected to last even a handful of hours as a result of her exposure

said radiation also got all over her clothes, which- when you factor in that patches of them were melded onto her skin due to the sheer heat of the crash- certainly did not help matters much when it came to mitigating further exposure.

thankfully she survived the three hour grace period for severe radiation poisoning. then the three day grace period for moderate radiation poisoning. and then the two week grace period for 'mild' radiation poisoning… the treatments helped, of course, but her immune system hardly escaped unscathed. nor did her stamina, pain tolerance, hair, or the majority of her muscle mass

getting such a traumatic injury immediately after spending an extended amount of time in zero gravity wasn't exactly great for solaris' physical strength. once she was allowed to leave her cot she found it very difficult to support herself without the temporary use of axillary crutches.

she… did not like them. and accidentally made herself worse for a time by purposefully forgoing them. but it didn't take her too long to learn it was less miserable to use them than it was to collapse in the hallway in front of her coworkers.

the fabricator's company especially helped during that period… having designed her own prosthetic after losing her arm, there was little concern fabby would think her any weaker for relying on a mobility aid

the incident… really changed solaris' perspective on a lot of things. grappling with your potentially-rapidly-approaching death will do that to you. she was always a bit of a perfectionist, but going forward she started to cling to her mistakes with a lot more self-directed hostility. after all, it was, ultimately, her fault the death engine project failed to begin with

she also struggles with regret a lot more- mainly in regards to time, and the ways in which she 'wastes' it. another consequence of watching it slip between her fingers, half certain she would be spending the remainder of her life in a hospital cot.

she tries not to make either of these facts too obvious to her coworkers. the fabricator can tell rather easily, though. but that isn't the worst thing in the world. at least she won't weaponize any of it.

the day after she was let out of the hospital was the day she drafted her resignation letter from zoraxis. but she was too scared to do anything with it, or act on the urge to quit beyond that… it was a miracle she even survived to begin with. zor could kill her with a flick of their wrist if they wanted to. and it isn't as if she and the doctor were ever on the best of terms- especially not after her catastrophic failure. she… didn't want to tempt fate until it proved absolutely necessary.

she threw herself into building her imposing figure and nature back up almost as soon as she physically could. and while she inevitably became just as powerful as she was before the incident strength wise, her constitution leaves much to be desired. functionally, she's a glass canon. thankfully, she doesn't look like one- which is a fact that she uses to her advantage when necessary.

[paradoxikaa]

a whole lot of whatever

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he likes my body?

TW for ED but please hear me out:

My bf (30m) and I (28f) have been together for a little over 5 years. When we got together I had an extremely stressful and physically demanding job. Shortly after our relationship started I relapsed with an eating disorder that had been a problem since prepubescence; I started restricting heavily at age 11 and had struggled with it on/off since then.

After quitting that terrible job and regaining some agency in my life, I spent a couple of years really focused on recovery. Without giving specific numbers (cause triggering) I'll say that I was extremely underweight to an unhealthy level for at least a year and experienced severe health complications because of it. I nearly died from heart problems and had a big wakeup call that caused me to change my whole life. I've done the work of recovery without medical help (history of omission with doctors) but have had support from my bf, and am currently at the highest weight of my life.

at a recent checkup my Dr talked a lot about "healthy lifestyle" and mentioned my weight gain over the past couple of years. I'm still within the "normal" range for my height and build, but the after visit summary/chart notes denoted risk of becoming overweight. Idk if my Dr would have brought it up if my history of ED was in my chart, (and I did switch primary care practices a few years ago, so they weren't treating me at my thinnest) but it still shook me a bit and I will admit to feeling very triggered.

The job I moved to is quite sedentary compared to the previous terrible one - I wfh, and very rarely have to be on my feet or do strenuous activity. In addition, I have chronic pain issues that make exercise difficult, and so historically have just restricted to maintain/lose weight because it's easier for me physically to just be hungry than to work out. I didn't want to go down that road again though because of how intense and scary it got last time.

My bf is a personal trainer and specializes in working with low ability clients and people recovering from long illness/injury. When I told him that I wanted to start exercising more often and get a good cardio routine going, he was really excited and started immediately putting together an "action plan" (what he calls it w his clients idk) for me. Then he mentioned how I'd need to add on a bunch of meal supplements and snacks to avoid losing weight and I got upset.

We're a plant-based (vegan) household and live with a roommate (bf's friend) so mostly eat/cook communal dinners and have various breakfast & lunch plans on hand, so we already eat pretty healthy and make sure to have a good balance of macro/micro in the meal plan. My intent was to eat the same but increase my activity level to get out of the danger zone without restricting. I don't generally snack and rarely eat dessert, just the 3 squares.

I told my bf that I needed to lose weight and be more active according to my doctor, and that I wasn't comfortable with having protein supplements, smoothies, and snacks in addition to regular meals because that would defeat the purpose. He got really sad and said that he likes the way my body is now, and while he supports being more active, he doesn't want the size of me to change. His exact words at some point were "you look so good now, I love the amount of you that there is and I like the way you jiggle." It kind of made me feel sick and wonder if he has like a secret size fetish or something?

So I've been thinking of breaking things off with him and moving in with a friend or back in with my parents, but idk if this is actually a red flag or just the disorder talking? He did help me a lot with recovery but if he's going to keep me from being healthy or wants me to gain even more weight then maybe it's better to leave - would this be an asshole move? I honestly don't know.

[galedekarios]

Gale headcanons go! :]

thank you for your ask. i'm sorry it took this long to get around to it. my mind blanked.

i want to add that these are solely my own headcanons and just that. nothing more. if you have a different opinion, that's valid. i'm not here to argue or debate about it.

anyhow, these aren't in any particular order, just writing as i think of them:

-gale was clean-shaven before the orb and being discarded by mystra. his hair has outgrown its original style as well. this is the reason why tara hates gale's beard, even when felines usually like to rub their faces against them.

-while gale has enchanted the piano in his tower to play by itself, he can and does play himself when the mood takes him.

-gale doesn't truly get jealous or possessive. he skips that step and slips right into questioning himself and feeling sad/insecure.

-gale tends to overthink, he struggles with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed esp after the orb, but has found methods that help him deal with these feelings and bring them under some form of control to examine them ("please, i need to think... i need to retrace my steps to a glade of calm and think.")

-he cries at his wedding & struggles through his vows

-he never takes off his wedding ring

-while he is very much an acts of service person in a relationship, he learns to accept and love being taken care of and doted on by his partner

-gale is very much able to find beauty in the mundane and simple things of life: beautiful flowers in a garden, the way the light falls at sunset, the sound of rain tapping against the window, the fresh salty sea breeze in the morning, a warm cup of expensive tea, a beautiful piece of art, a touching poem

-he often prefers walking home with his partner after work instead of using portals or teleportation. it allows him to talk about both of their days and show his partner things about the city he loves so very much. it also allows him to clear his head after a long day.

-his spellbook has pages that look like this:

when tara has decided that nagging him to stop working didn't cut it anymore.

-speaking of: gale gets so absorbed into his work and research that he skips both sleep and meals

-after his long isolation and depression, struggling with orb and being affected by it physically, gale is quite slender/willowy (tara has several lines reminding him to eat and take care of himself in an origin run) with a soft stomach and no muscle definition

-he's ~175 cm

-he's touch-starved

-while he does like to cook for others, he doesn't tolerate anyone helping him with the task. he will however appreciate it if his partner cooked for him.

-his tower now is quite barren, except for his extensive book collection, having consumed most magical artefacts he owned

-after his return to waterdeep, he likes to fill it with little things he has collected over time. the space is healing as much as he is.

-gale still suffers from chronic pain flare-ups, even after the orb is gone/calmed

-he likes it when things (fabrics, clothes, pens, books, etc etc etc) are well made and of high quality, but not necessarily ostentatious

-he has an eclectic taste, sort of imparted on him by morena's own

-his father abandoned him and morena

-gale is extremely open-minded and accepting, and will entertain almost any and all thoughts and opinions as long as they are well argued for / follow a sound logic

-while he's not easily spooked or scared given how diverse and open waterdeep is, nothing quite managed to prepare him for the things he would see during the journey to cure himself and the others of the tadpole. his knowledge was mostly academic, save for the stray unfortunate death slaad encounter. he works through these things by compartmentalising. writing them down, examining them and going over them in his mind.

-he hopes that he and the friends he's made on this journey will stay close. he writes them regularly and is elated when he receives a reply himself, but will need encouragement and reassurance to organise a get-together in waterdeep.

-his biggest flaw is not hubris or the ambition in the pursuit of knowledge he held as a chosen, his biggest flaw is his sense of worth as gale dekarios, the imperfectly perfect human being, the person behind the titles and accomplishments and perceived failures and insecurities

-he still has to realise what truly happened in his 'relationship' with mystra and still has a lot of healing to do after the game ends

-in the early stages of his relationship with his partner, he's very willing to please/tolerate, at times sadly to the detriment of his own preferences (drow twin scene)

-while he takes compliments in stride, he still likes and appreciates word of affirmation and praise; his partner insulting or degrading him would wound him deeply

-while he wouldn't be a father himself, he would be perfectly happy to be the eccentric uncle. yet even so and while he does love it, he would need time to recharge his social batteries after / recover from the overstimulation that being around children for a prolonged amount of time brings.

-gale's magic is a second nature to him and he likes using it even for the many mundane things, turning the page of a book, getting a spice from a high shelf, etc

-he's a born sorcerer with a wizard's education

-after settling in waterdeep with his partner, he lets his hair grow out more

-while easily lost in his work and research, gale is extremely thoughtful about anniversaries or birthdays, always striving to find the perfect gift

-he likes reading to his partner or being read to & discussing it, exchanging thoughts and opinions

-it's canon that he does write poetry, i like to imagine he'd sometimes leave little haiku-esque verses for his partner

i'm sure i have more, but they escape me right now so. 🖤

[mewguca]

I was thinking about how people should talk more about the parallels between hunter and moon

This is a rather self-indulgent piece...I find it very comforting to be able to express my emotions through a media I love like this...that's probably my favorite thing about art. Being able to express something...being able to connect emotionally with the viewer...is really nice

textless versions and a long rambling under the cut

Hunter is often viewed as a very strong and agile slugcat...they are the "hard mode" after all. Hunter probably has a lot of physical prowess. But, with the rot...they become weaker. At its worst, they struggle to do basic movements...until they eventually die. Of course, in my version of events...Hunter's rot is cured, but it still leaves lasting side-effects. Their scars go beyond simple battle wounds...there's a sort of pervasive sickliness throughout their whole body. Treatment helps, of course...but

You know how that is, right...? You have to keep getting treatments. You have to work for your recovery. And you have to work to prevent your body from getting weaker again...Or y'know, that's how it is if you've ever had any reoccurring or chronic health issues. It's...a struggle I feel like doesn't get expressed very often...so I wanted to express it through my version of Hunter.

Even though Moon isn't anywhere near as organic, I feel like she can relate to similar struggles. She used to be like a god...a powerful supercomputer who could do just about anything! But...she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing that'd preserve her own wellbeing. She delays and delays on forcing Pebbles to stop with her administrative powers until it is far too late...

Maybe she thought she could handle it. That everything would be fine if she just waited for Pebbles to understand...or waited for him to stop. If she just kept sending messages, eventually he would listen.

But he didn't. Things didn't get better. And by the time she finally took action against it, it was too late...her forced communications did nothing but make her brother furious with her...because she "ruined everything." She could only accept her imminent collapse...

When she woke up again, she had only a few neurons left to run on. Her umbilical was broken, her overseers were out of her control, and even the roof over her head was incomplete.

She couldn't do most of the things she used to. She could hardly move. She could hardly even think. She could barely remember who or what she used to be...and she didn't have great ability to remember the present, either.

It must have been really painful...but she keeps doing what she can anyways. She reads the pearls you bring her. She tells you about the items you bring. She gives you information as best as she can. She is kind and hospitable. She encourages you. She could be so bitter and depressed...so resentful and cruel...but she isn't. I'm sure she has plenty of bitterness and resentment, plenty of hopelessness and great sadness, plenty of suffering...

But when she sees the little slugcat, she's still kind to it. She is grateful for what she has. She is happy to see you. And she keeps on living.

She's so strong...she is a huge inspiration for me.

So, I think if anyone could relate to Hunter's struggle...Moon is probably the closest. I think people should talk about their relationship more...after all, Hunter is her "little savior." I think they would be wonderfully close. They could support each other in their struggles to keep living, even if their bodies fight against them. I also think their friendship is just cute! Great potential for angst, for fluff, for comfort...idk. everything, really. It would be wonderful for them to reunite when they're both in better shape...as creatives, we can make a versions of events where that happens. It's really wonderful to me...for a work of art to inspire others to create art because of it.

This game means a lot to me...and it means a lot to me that it resonates so much with other people as well. So, thank you...

[trblsvt]

wait, what? | wen junhui

summary | it was so stupid. soonyoung insisted your best friend was in love you. no way. wen junhui didn't like you that way, and you definitely didn't like him that way either. right? genre | fluff, friends to lovers, mutual pining warnings | swearing (i think maybe once or twice) word count | 1.6k words pairing | wen junhui x gn!reader minli | lowercase intended thank you for the request, it was so cute :) @g00dtimenotlongtim3

"you do realize our good friend wen junhui is hopelessly in love you, right?" jihoon said casually before taking a sip from his cup. you practically spat out your water. what an insane idea. "i have no idea what you're talking about," you rolled your eyes. your friends all glanced at each other. "what's with that?" you asked, noticing the way they were now silent.

"you two are the most oblivious people i know," minghao frowned. you still didn't understand where they were coming from with all this. sure, you liked jun, well more than like, but you were absolutely positive he felt nothing more for you than a best friend. you had quietly been living out your life in the friend zone, and you much preferred that over potentially losing him altogether.

"you guys are crazy," you frowned.

"and you're blind," jihoon shot back. "you both are."

"what?"

"nothing!" he said quickly leaving the room.

minghao was annoying. jun didn't know why, especially since his friend usually kept to himself and didn't try meddling in his business. that was his job. jun had just about enough of his friend's whining and complaining about jun's "non-existent" love life. "it's just really sad," minghao shrugged.

"what exactly is so sad about my love life?" jun asked.

"well the fact that you won't admit to being in love with ___, and that you'll die alone because you won't ever admit it."

jun stared at him. minghao was once again delusional. "okay, harsh. i'm not going to die alone because there's nothing to confess. i am not in love with ___," jun insisted, though something in the way he felt his ears heat up at your name told him differently.

"that's too bad, because they're definitely in love with you."

"no, ___ is definitely not in love with me."

"keep telling yourself that," minghao huffed and left jun to his own devices. jun fiddled with the trinkets on his desk and looked out the window. minghao was delusional, he told himself (although he knew minghao was one of the most logical people he had ever met).

jun didn't know what he was hiding. he expected minghao would've picked up by his crush by now. he also figured the rest of the guys had an idea of his pining for you. he wasn't sure how long he would continue to pine for you, but he would rather die then mess up the friendship you had. he was well aware that idea was cliche, but it was a valid fear in his mind.

he just chose to not do anything, for now at least.

"it's really just painful," soonyoung whined.

"what is?" you asked, rolling over to him on the couch.

"your chronic blindness to love." you groaned and punched his arm. "well now my arm actually hurts, thanks."

"what is up with everyone lately?" you sighed, scrolling through your phone. jihoon and now soonyoung. your friend even texted you about jun, she didn't even know him. "maybe we're all tired of you and jun being blind to your mutual feelings for each other," soonyoung rolled his eyes.

"jun does not like me," you insisted.

"but you like him."

"no."

"yes."

"fine, yeah i like him. what's the big deal?" you admitted exasperatedly. soonyoung got up from the couch and straightened out his shirt. "well, that means the feeling is mutual, so you should probably do something about," he said it like it was apparent.

"tell me, how do you know that jun likes me?" you pushed. soonyoung glanced at you, almost looking tired. he sat back down and crossed his legs. "well for one, he never stops talking about you. two, when he's not with us, he's usually with you. three, he buys your favorite snacks for no good reason. you literally have his card saved in your phone. four, he's always concerned about whether he looks good when he's going to meet up with you. five, he's painfully obviously in love whenever he looks at you. six-"

"okay! i get it!" you cut him off before he can continue. "okay, well, okay i see how that could look like he likes me, but isn't that what friends do?"

"well, i'm not overly concerned about how i look when i visit you and i certainly would not let you save my credit card information."

you had to admit what he was saying seemed to add up, but you were still having a hard time believing it. you know your friends wouldn't purposefully tell you this to get your hopes up if it wasn't true.

you just weren't sure when you should act on it.

funny enough, jihoon and minghao had walked jun through every sign that you were just as into him as he was into you. with enough convincing they got him up and out of his room to finally go confess. "is he coming or not?" soonyoung asked through the phone.

"he's on his way now, so you should probably leave before he shows up," jihoon insisted.

"okay, got it. can't believe we got this plan up and running."

"well they obviously weren't going to get anything done."

"so true, i'm leaving now. hopefully jun doesn't run into me. we don't want him catching on."

"even if he did, he was so blind to his own feelings i doubt he would put two and two together."

"also so true. see you later."

jun shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for your building's elevator to come down to the ground floor. minghao had somehow convinced him to go to your apartment and confess his feelings for you.

this wasn't exactly how he imagined his thursday afternoon to go, and this certainly wasn't the way he was planning on telling you, and he made sure minghao knew that. "just for your information, i had a plan," jun insisted.

"yeah, yeah," minghao grumbled flipping through a magazine.

"i did! a grand plan! with flowers and music and chocolate!"

"music?"

"maybe no music. but flowers and chocolate, yes."

"what if they said no?"

"aren't you the one telling me that ___ is in love with me and i should confess my feelings because the feeling is mutual?"

"yes, but i'm talking about this hypothetical plan."

"yeah whatever. i'll just go, but it will be way less romantic," jun called as he left to go. minghao rolled his eyes at his friend's antics.

"jun?" you answered the door, honestly confused why he was here. though, you did let him without a second thought. his hands were shoved into his pockets and he kicked off his shoes in the doorway. "hi," he said.

"do you want something to drink?" you asked making your way to your kitchen.

"actually i wanted to talk to you," he stopped you. you were hoping that he would sit down so you could compose yourself, but seeing him here after everything soonyoung said had you second-guessing everything. maybe he caught on, perhaps he knew how you felt and was here to tell you to knock it off. "oh okay, yeah, go for it," you mumbled.

"so i heard from someone that you like someone," he said.

oh god, he knew. "well yeah, i guess, yeah i do," you scrambled.

"and you didn't tell me?" he asked quirking an eyebrow at you. he definitely knew. "it never came up in conversation," you defended yourself.

"aren't i your best friend though? don't best friends tell each other everything?" he continued.

"yes. i suppose so."

"well, i guess i'm not being a very good friend either because i failed to mention that i also have a crush on someone."

your heart dropped. what was going on? "that's nice, jun. i'm sure whoever they are, they would be very lucky to have you," you sighed.

"don't you want to hear about them?" he asked. not exactly, "yeah sure."

"well for one, they're beautiful. another they already know me super well. they also like taking my hoodies and my credit card to pay for things. not to mention, our mutual friends opened my eyes to how much i love this person. they told me i should tell this person how i feel as soon as possible," he rambled so eloquently.

"that's really nice, jun. i think you should definitely go tell them," you encouraged him trying to make sure he couldn't hear your heart falling to the pit of your stomach. "oh i already did," he shrugged, a smile gracing his lips.

"really? when?" you were so confused. did he come all the way here just to tell you his new relationship status? "yeah, i did. just now."

oh just now. wait. just now? he laughed when he saw your head whip up at him. "me? you have a crush on me?" you asked, dumbfounded. he took a step closer to you. you could smell his cologne and felt his clothes brush against your skin. "who else, silly?" he asked. "please tell me that you like me too."

"i-" your words died on the tip of your tongue when you opted to kiss him instead. his hands cupped your face and he kissed you back softly. when he pulled away he laughed, "i'm taking that as a yes." you nodded. "for your information i was planning on a romantic confession with flowers and chocolate and a song maybe," he clarified.

"then i guess you owe me," you said. he smiled. maybe your friends were right, the two of you were blind, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

min | not proofread yet! oh no i basically just wrote dialogue! i have to work on my descriptions. also if you want to be added or removed from my taglist let me know, i don't have specific taglists for members or fic types... so let me know if you have a specific preference if any!

tagging: @a-wandering-stay @cinnamoroxie @wonwoosthetic

[clownhara]

is there like a jester ocs 101 i do wanna learn about them

Putting these under a read more because this might get long

My family :)

Edward Roberts-Rosales: I made too many jokes about this bastard being my dad and now he's my dad. High key wants to fuck plants. Evades taxes like no ones business. Kind of a shit guy but it's funny to watch him mess up everything so we keep him alive for that alone Max Rosales: My better dad. Can really do so fucking much better than Edward but he settled </3. Is a plant man. Likes baking. Is the dad that actually loves me. Heron Rosales: I don't do to much with her but I'm trying to do more. Max's trans sister. Wants Edward dead and honestly, we don't blame her. Average chronic pain haver tbh please get her some Ibuprofen. Boaty McBoatface: My brother who is a boat. Edwards favorite son, despite being terrified of being on boats after he was the sole survivor of a ship wreck. I fuckinh hate this thing

Project Moon adjacent ones

Despise Domek (Or just Des): Local Enkphalin hooked rat. Goes by it/they but people close to it can call them she/her. There are two remaining people who can call them she/her. Steals things from people it likes to keep a piece of them, so don't invite them to your house. Things WILL go missing. Says the phrase "Well it didn't kill me so I'm fine" way to god damn often. Ambrose Domek: Not actually related to Des at all his parents just stole Des's parents last name. We heart religious fanaticism to the point of self harm!!!!!! Has two boyfriends and has convinced himself neither of them like him. Him and Des are besties :) Keith: Real Jester-heads remember Keith. I made this bastard before Ruina came out and he keeps fucking staying relevant to whatever game is out. How does he do it. Lobcorp him is Geb and Myo's adopted son, a Rabbit, and had a complex where he's gotta prove himself 24/7 and ends up getting his leg ripped off. Ruina him is trying to find Gebura again after the whole Library situation happened, and is wildly distraught after learning Myo's whole deal. Limbus Keith is content, much older, runs a weapons shop, and is gay married to Heathcliff. Jesus Christ I made him before the new translation of Lopcorp happened I think HOW LONG HAS HE EXISTED WHAT THE FUCK

Damien Domek: Also not related to Des, just took it's last name because he liked it. They are qprs though. Also is broke as shit but mostly stays out of the Rat lifestyle by just old fashioned robbing people. Loves lying to people for fun and profit, but he is honestly a pretty nice guy. Minus the lying

Randos

Arlo: Disgusting rancid cyborg scientist who needs to bathe and touch grass. I adore him though. Ellie: Arlos little sibling. She/they user. Kills people for money and feeds the bodies to the eldritch horror that follows her around Hector: The eldritch horror that follows Ellie around. usually just looks like a dilf tbh its easier for Ellie to explain. Can't actually speak so he usually just talks telepathically while making a bunch of hums, chirps, and clicks to mimic speaking.

Oleander: Local unethical scientist that unethicaled a bit too hard when trying to revive his even worse older brother and turned off most of his emotions manually to avoid coping with the mental toil. Sad! Many such cases. Can't feel any emotions other then joy now. Kinda sucks but he certainly doesn't seem to upset about it :)

Simon: Oleadners brother. Kinda. Moreso a robot piloting Oleanders brothers body. Fucking hates Oleander but after Oleander lobotomized himself Simon begrudgingly takes care of him now. Despite his complicated feelings, he's wildly overprotective.

Cybel: A robot Oleander made! They are meant to gather as much information as they possibly can in case some horrible event happens that kills off humanity. is quite literally indestructible. Likes ice cream.

Octavius: I made this guy to be a danganrompa villain back in high school and I succeeded too well. I fucking hate this fake ass bitch

Tabb: This fucking guy. Trapped in a time loop but he doesn't know and its technically not a time loop. Met his (now) husband ages ago but died shortly after meeting him, so he revived Tabb, then the two got married, then Tabb died again so Halt (the husband) revived him again but he lost his memories then halt died and Tabb revived him the Tabb died again so Halt revived him but he lost all his memories so they dated again and got remarried then Tabb died again and you get the idea. Very nice guy, a bit anxious, perfectly normal minus the dying thing. If it wasn't for him losing all his memories and Halt tampering with shit so he was in love with him i uh. Don't think he'd actually like Halt all that much tbh

Halt: Just wants to be happy with his husband :(. Sad he unethicaled all over that science. Hey are you noticinga theme here. Also he's a cat boy but thats really not relevant to his depression issues

Urge: Halts kinda milfy twin sister. Really sick of all of this loop bullshit because she gets to watch her bestie Tabb die repeatedly, so she packed up her bags and left. Can't be in the same room as Halt without them getting into a fist fight. Do you see the themeing with their namesan d their ideals. Halt is kinda halted in place but Urge keeps pushing forward because she has the urgeto move on. Do you see it. It is almost 1 am

Russel: A kid that got roped into this whole mess because he walked in on a Tabb revival tube without permission. Sticks around Urge most of the time. Had a bad homelife to put it mildly, so Urge took him in.

Theres way more of these bastards but these are the most relevant ones. I am going to bed now. Goobnight

[jo-harrington]

Magnificum et Horribillis (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Pairings/Relationships: Older!Eddie Munson/Reader

Warnings/Themes: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Philosophical Themes, Allusion to Chronic Pain and Depression, Vague Smut, Life and Death as Abstract Themes, Suicidal Ideation, Big Feelings Ahead BEWARE

Note: This started as a poem for @somnambulic-thing but it evolved into fic. Because I kept writing more and of course it did. Will also give a little shout to @deathbecomesthem because they’re always here for my little sad girl writing.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

---

There are more bad days than good.

You are more bad than good.

A nidus of wicked thoughts and words and feelings that wrack through you, body and soul.

Pain.

Some ancient angel or large primordial bird put you together one brittle, misshapen twig at a time until, from the abstract, came you. And since then, you were a bitter pill that seemed to poison and infect those around you. It could have been the end for you time and again but the void spat you out, unable to stomach you.

Even Satan rejected you.

Or so it seemed.

The thoughts always weighed heavily on your mind, inescapable. But that's why you were where you were, staring somewhat unseeingly at the person across from you.

A stranger in a waiting room, fiddling with new patient paperwork.

“Edward?” The receptionist called.

“Eddie,” he insisted as he turned toward the little window. “It’s Eddie.”

"I forgot to give you Dr. Bishop's questionnaire."

He’d shot you a tight-lipped smile as he’d stood and you let it bounce off of you, not out of disinterest but from too-slow reflexes. Everything about you was too slow, layered in sludge, and corrupt. You blinked and watched him then, from your perch, waiting for your own name to be called. Watched the heavy way he carried himself. Legs slightly weak, whether his muscles couldn’t support his body or his troubles...you couldn’t be sure.

Possibly both.

Beautiful and broken.

You recognized that in him.

Beautiful because he was broken.

Just like you.

Dr. Crane opened the door and called your name now. You offered Eddie a similar smile as you walked past him.

Offer him a silent kindness.

You didn't know it yet, but this was the reason you were turned away from the gates of hell.

A second chance. For both of you.

It would be alright.

---

You held your hands out over the sticky table beside his. Comparing them. Size, shape, rings, and shakiness.

Yours worse because of your nerves, his because of his pills. Somehow he still can keep his still enough for his job at the sign shop. And you when you’re typing reports or writing up notes during meetings.

“It’s because they have a purpose,” he said sagely. “When we’re doing things they have a purpose so they know they can’t shake.”

“When did you get to be so smart?” You tease.

“Shut up.”

The waitress comes with your lunches and your hands try to retreat to your side of the booth but Eddie grabs one of them and runs his thumb over your knuckles as the plates get dropped and drinks refilled.

She comes with one more dish and begins the pomp and circumstance. You shoot a glare across the table at him; he always had to have some kind of spectacle about him, even now that he was, as he proclaimed, older and “mellowed out.”

You could only imagine how he was as a kid or in high school.

“I ordered flaming saganaki while you were in the bathroom,” he explained.

“I hate you.”

“You know you’ll have some.”

And you did.

These were special times. Cherished times between the two of you, where the dread of the world couldn’t reach you through the buffer of forks clacking on plates and ambient noise of people talking around you at other tables.

Late nights with Eddie at the Greek diner; holier than church.

“You know,” he said tentatively between mouthfuls of food. “You don’t have to have a purpose.”

“No?”

“I thought so for a while after…” he trailed off and you shifted in your seat.

“You don’t need to talk about it.” You told him. “We agreed that we were starting fresh. Together.”

“Yeah but I know how you are in there,” he grinned and tapped the side of his head. “Thinking of how you can be more purposeful, so maybe you’ll forget everything going on. I thought that way too, after everything. Keep busy. Play the guitar. Make the effort to see my friends. Otherwise they’d forget me. And all it did was…make me tired. Did too much, burned myself out.

“To rest is sometimes the greatest purpose you can have.”

Eddie shot a pointed look across the table.

“Ok,” you nodded. He was right. You had been thinking that. Fleetingly.

His brow got tighter.

“What? I said ok?!” You held your hands out. It was more than a fleeting thought. He grabbed fries off your plate and shoveled them into his mouth to distract from the awkward moment.

But he got his point across.

He knew you too well. Even after a few weeks. Two sides of the same coin.

Was it too early to say you loved him?

---

You’re so strong.

It echoes in your head as you lay there, too tired to scream and cry anymore, too much feeling, too much emotion.

You are simply too much for your body.

It was a bad day.

You told that to your mom on the phone and she came over anyway. "You're stronger than anyone realizes, even you." What a slap in the face. You didn’t need to be strong. You needed to be left alone to rot here for a little while. Broken body, broken mind, broken soul.

She didn't understand that, she never did.

And so you screamed it at her.

The culmination of how she could fix your life, you just needed to listen to her, when she refused to listen to you. You had always been this abstract concept. A doll for her to dress up and play pretend with, not a human.

Years of pain you didn't mean to reflect back at her, but you did anyway.

Because you were weak.

Because it was a bad day.

"Something's gotta change," she shook her head as she stormed out. "There's something seriously wrong with you."

You knew that.

But it still hurt.

And then she called Eddie.

"She's just worried about you," he laid down next to you.

"Can she stop?" you asked. "Her obligation to me is over. She's not a mother anymore. She's been released from her sentence."

"Wayne--"

"I don't want to hear about Wayne," you wrenched your eyes shut, squeezed them shut, because you could feel the poison building in you again and you knew that you couldn't control it if the beast deep inside you wanted to attack. You couldn't do that to him. "Wayne is great. And even if he wasn't, it's not the same. So please..."

"I just..."

You turn and stare at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"Please Eddie."

He's never seen you like this; you wanted to hide this part of yourself from him. You wouldn't blame him if he ran away.

And as your body gave up on you again, you expected the bed to shift and the door to squeak open and slam shut.

But it never did.

"Alright," he whispered and shifted closer. Not touching. Just...closer. The heat of him brushing the length of your body. Enough for now. "I get it."

---

If the diner was holy, this was a place of insurmountable divinity.

Whispered words floating over skin and evaporating.

An orgasm secondary to a confession.

The closeness to one another, in body and in spirit, meant more than anything.

“I thought it was going to be over,” he muttered against your cheek. “I wanted it to be over. Finger on the trigger. A friend stopped me. And I hated him for it.”

You’re silent as he uses you, just as you’ve used him a hundred times. You open your mouths and swallow one another’s sorrows. It’s your own form of soothing and healing. Like licking a wound.

A doctor, a therapist, a friend could only hear so much. This was an act of consuming…becoming…

Was it healthy? Probably not.

But neither of you were.

“I’m exactly what they said I am.”

You feel his tears now. Or yours. They’re one in the same here. You are one in the same. Magnificent and horrible, the two of you.

“I’m nothing. I’m a freak. I’m a monster.”

“You’re my monster,” you whisper.

He spilled himself inside of you and all of his sorrow, expelled, warmed you from within.

---

You stared at the casket.

There was no hole in your chest.

No pain, no fear, no anger, no sorrow.

No numbness either.

Simply peace.

Death was peaceful. An old friend. Even if He wasn’t here for you this time.

You and Eddie had joked, the many times when you dragged him and the single time he dragged you to funerals like these, how yours would be.

Everyone mourned in their own way. You both liked to laugh.

“I want the full weekend at Bernie’s treatment,” he whispered conspiratorially. “Call my friends Gareth and Jeff and have them walk me around the room.”

“I want,” you upped the ante then, “you to make a life accurate paper mache model of me for the casket and halfway through the memorial, you beat me with a stick.”

“Can I put candy inside? Like a piñata?”

“You see the vision,” you kissed him proudly, happy that you found someone who found humor in your twisted ideas.

And you both liked to be unapologetically yourselves.

“You know those songs?” He started.

“The ones you think I don’t know about?” You rested your head on his shoulder. “Yeah.”

“Don’t throw em out or anything if I ever…” he shrugged. “Yeah. Make copies of them at the library or something.”

“Maybe I’ll get them published, like poems. The Unfinished Works of Edward J. Munson.”

“Like Mozarts Requiem.”

“So you do listen to my tapes.”

“When you aren’t home and I need to clear the ol’ nog, yeah.”

“Knew it,” you grinned triumphantly. There was a beat.

You wanted to ask him to look through your pictures, to remember you for who you were and not some idealized perfect thing like other people spoke of in a eulogy. You wanted him to remember you for the raw and wild thing that fought and spat and hissed and also loved and loved.

But you didn’t need to say it, because you knew he would.

You saw each other. Honored each other. The good and bad. The beautiful, broken, and incomplete.

He would make sure, if the time came, the world would know exactly who you were. Because he knew.

You took his shaky hand in yours and squeezed.

“You ok?” Eddie asked and pecked a kiss onto your head as you watched the casket be lowered into the ground.

“Yeah,” you smiled.

It was a good day.

[allsadnshit]

Chronic illness girlies, please never think it's ok to have a partner that treats you in any way like your health is THEIR inconvenience. You need to go to the bathroom 100 times? I don't wanna see even an eye roll. You can't eat at most places cause of your allergies/intolerances? SHOULDNT BE AN ISSUE FOR THEM, cause enjoying a meal with you feeling safe is the ONLY good option they want. Low pain days, high pains days....they might feel tired or sad or overwhelmed but they shouldn't ever be ANNOYED. You are not a nuisance, loving a sick person is NOT a charity case.

Today my husband and I are on a mini vacation and we were at the cool local market attraction and it didn't have like aaaaany gluten free stuff and when we came home and talked about it he literally cried cause he was so frustrated for me, and wanted it to be easier for me and like blamed himself for not checking everything first. And we all deserve someone who loves us that passionately, who feels that our burdens are truly shared. Nothing less, ever.

Because being loved this way is irreplaceable and shouldn't be so rare.

[inkskinned]

i've been in pretty much constant pain for the past 4 months. i have a slipped disc. the mri this weekend finally confirmed what i'd already suspected. mostly, i just put up with it.

i've been in a pretty bad mental space since winter began. my brain is leaking out from between my ears. i just don't care enough to listen to the rabid wet whispering of hope. i'm mostly just bored of being here, the swaddled joyless apathy.

the back pain ebbs and flows, but it's there, so i take care of it. i do my physical therapy. i get in with a specialist. i'm lucky - there's no immediate need for surgery. it's bad, but it could be worse. when i talk about how i did it (it was a very bad sneeze), i usually start laughing. it's funny! i am never comfortable, but hey. i'm young. i'll bounce back, or so they keep saying.

i just found out it's not normal to wake up every night with a category-five panic attack. i'm lucky if i am still able to remember how to spell my name right. i spend my days in a weird blank haze, exhausted, desperate for respite - only to be unable to rest during the night. i say with a laugh - i really hate it when my mental illnesses start working together. i mean, sure. unionize. it's fine. i have lost all sense of myself. there's nowhere that's actually warm in my mind.

i feel bad how often i complain about my back. my friends immediately shush my apology. dude, you slipped a disc. continue complaining.

as a kid, i think i only really admitted to the bad things... twice. for some reason, when he didn't just dismiss it - it made my dad angry. he slammed a door at me. you're fucking ungrateful. what do you have to be sad for?

what an odd delight: the slipped disc gave me the oddest wave of relief. i'm allowed to actually hurt about this thing.

i have chronic conditions which aren't "real" things. i could write a novel on the weird ways people respond to my POTS & the rest of my fun physical acronyms. i am kind of ashamed to admit - i like the way it feels to be able to say well, because of a slipped disc. a slipped disc is a real thing. a slipped disc is serious and painful. there's diagrams and infographics about slipped discs. upon my diagnosis, they immediately offered me narcotics.

i haven't been able to get up out of bed for more than a few hours. i do less and less and less and less. i have started to sit down in the shower. sighing my way from deadline to deadline. this again. in one day and out the other. people tell me i don't really need my meds. i have run out of times saying i have depression, it's become almost transparent. it's so bad my therapist suggested meeting more than once a week, but i don't want to worry her, so i never finish setting up a second meeting. every creative spark in my soul has been entirely ravaged - but that's just capitalism, baby. i don't even take the day off of work. i just show up and do a bad job and get yelled at for it.

it's not real, after all. the pain is just imagined.

[thelittleliars]

Would it kill you to smile? At least once in a while?

Natasha Romanoff x Reader (Platonic) Wanda Maximoff x Reader (Former lovers; now platonic) Wanda Maximoff x Reader x Natasha Romanoff (platonic)

Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, angst -> fluff?

Words: 1.5K

Summary: Your girlfriend demanded the most difficult task from you. Natasha came to your rescue.

AN: Another one shot since I have not come any further with P.S. I Want You. It hurts me that I do not know what do to with Chapter 3. I just can't seem to get it going :( Anyways I hope you enjoy this little idea that I came up with a couple days ago. (The title are lyrics from the song 'under the weather' by CORPSE)

"Would it kill you to smile?" Your current girlfriend Jade snapped, the frustration and anger in her voice was clear. "I mean at least once in a while?! And especially in pictures!" Her words cute you deep, they broke you in a way that you didn't know existed. You felt angry, sad and betrayed by her. Depression was no joke and she knew what she was getting into from the start since you were nothing but an open book about your long battle with the chronic mental illness. All those nights she was there for you in the best possible way, in the darkest of your days she was the light - you anchor, so you honestly couldn't understand why she exploded like this. 

"Yes." You stated. "Yes it would kill me." Your voice cracked, the pain she caused was obvious but she didn't care for some reason. But even if she did care in that situation, it wouldn't have made a difference. Her words were an unforgiving betrayal that you never thought would happen. "You of all people should know how awful my depression is. How could you even ask that of me?!"

"Because my friends thinks that you're miserable because of me!" She shouted again. Tears started to flow down your face. 

"You could have just straight up told them about my depression! Fuck Jade, the entire world knows about my depression ever since I dated Wanda. It's not even a fucking secret that I had multiple suicide attempts while dating her and she never minded what people said about her because of that. She even encourage me to go with her to interviews and to openly talks about it. The awareness we brought on this topic is insane. It's not a tabu topic." 

Before Jade could open her mouth to shout more cruel words at you, Natasha came out of the shadows and interrupted your conversation. "It's time for you to go Jade." The red head looked at you with deep concern in her eyes, knowing first hand that all of this is extremely triggering for you and she did not want you to spiral badly again. "Fuck off Romanoff, we're not  done here!" That was a huge mistake - you thought. Nobody can ever fuck with Natasha Romanoff, not unless you're Yelena Belova or one of her 'girls'; meaning her extremely close friends that contains Wanda, Maria and you. "Out. Now." Natasha was calm but her voice was ice cold. Though her words wasn't meant for you, a cold shiver ran down you spine. You can only imagine how scary it was to be on the other side of her words. 

"Fuck." Fear replaced the jealousy that ran through Jade's veins. Only when Natasha indicated of making a move on her, she ran away fast without ever looking back. Natasha turned to you with open arms, hugging you dearly to her chest. The feeling of her arms around you gave you the safeness to break down completely. Her hands gently rubbed up and down your back, it was her way to comfort you, no words needed to be said. After a while you finally stopped crying but the black widow still didn't remove herself from you. "Maybe the world really is better without me." It hurt her to hear those words, though you constantly had your up and downs, she believed you were in a good place before Jade blew up. Was she so wrong? Or was it all because of this triggering situation? "Dorogoy, I can tell you with certainty that my world definitely would not be better without you. It would be miserable but if you honestly feel like you can't live like this anymore, I don't have the right to tell you to stay. That would be cruel of me." Your hands that were around her tightened. "I just wanted you to know you're not alone and that the world is definitely not better without you. If you're still not sure then ask Wanda. She of all people knows how it feels like and appreciates you the most."

"Thank you for always being there for me Nat." She whispered a small 'always' before giving you a kiss on your forehead. The two of you stayed in each others arms for another 5 minutes. You then decided it was time for some space. She gave you the room but didn't leave you alone yet, afraid of your thoughts running wild. "Tell you what. We're gonna go to the movies to watch a film and then we'll to your boss about a leave since you need a break. I'll then show you a shield facility that could help get better, if you're up for it."

You shook your head. All you wanted to do was laying in bed and sleep. "I can't Natty. I'm just so exhausted." The other woman nodded. "I understand." She said with a sad smile. She was still determined to not leave you alone with your thoughts so she came with another idea. "What if we watch a movie in my room? Getting snacks and Wanda to join us? You even can fall asleep while we give you some cuddles."  

Relief and appreciation was written all over your face. While you went to the kitchen for snacks, Natasha pulled out her phone and called Wanda, commanding the witches ass to her room. All three of you met in Natasha's room with Wanda being the last one to arrive. "I couldn't find my best fluffy blanket at first but here it is!" She proudly lifted up the white-blue striped fluffy blanket before throwing it into your face. "Thanks Wands. I brought you guys Sour Patch Kids, chips, mini pretzels, popcorn and your favorite sodas."

Natasha let out a mix of a groan and moan. "Way to make a girls knees weak.." The widow said as she made her way onto the bed. You snorted a bit too loud to your liking but also tried to ignore your little embarrassment. "That's not the only way to make girls knees weak." You had a suggestive look on your face which made Natasha blush. Wanda took that opportunity to tease you. "Oh my, who knew you still had it in you?" 

You turned your head towards her as she was just getting onto the bed next to you. "I believe you're just too old to keeping up with me." At that, Natasha laughed out loud. It was a nice to hear it since you liked the sound of her laugh, it brought you a sense of home.

Wanda took slight offense in your words. "I'm only a year older than you!" She exclaimed with a gasp. You shrugged your shoulder. "My point still stands." Wanda rolled her eyes. "Rude.." Shaking your head was the only thing you could come up with as retort. You got under the blanket, which was very soft and fluffy, and held it up for the other two women to join you underneath it. Natasha teased the other red head all while getting closer to you. "Face it Wands, you're getting old." 

"I'm getting old? Should I mention your age Miss Romanoff?" Wanda got sassy in a way you hadn't seen in years. It was endearing to hear the banter between girls that meant a lot to you. The older red head felt attacked by the younger woman, though both knew they said it out of fun. "Don't you dare!"

You interrupted them since you loved putting your input in this banter. They just amused you very much. "Ohh but I dare you too." 

"Y/N no! Not you too." She looked at you with puppy eyes. "I thought you liked me."

"I do. I love your guys' drama more than a movie so go ahead and continue." It nearly brought out a smile of you but the small urge to do so vanished quickly as your mind reminded you that you don't deserve to be happy. They both sensed the mood shift in you afterwards so they changed the topic by deciding which movie to put on. They both choose Encanto, a movie you had yet to see but only heard great things about. You started to cuddle and hug Wanda's side like a koala bear. Suddenly you felt drained again so you closed your eyes. But something was still missing for you to feel at peace. "Nat?" - "Mhm?" - "Could you spoon me from behind?" She came up behind you and spooned you exactly as you requested. "Like this?" Natasha made sure that you were comfortable and didn't cross your boundaries. You quickly grabbed her hand and put around your waist. "Like this yes. Thank you." You felt safe with both of them laying there like that. They both gave you a kiss on your heard, telling you that they loved you. You only hum in acknowledgement since the sound of their steady breaths and the movie noises in the background made you sleepy. You soon fell asleep in their embrace as your heart and mind didn't feel as heavy as before.

[sarcastictissy]

So are we gonna talk about Lumi specifically defending Pepito's OG admin when that admin was clearly rude to Roier? .-.

Honestly I don't know what to think about the situation. It was clear Roier and his chat were incredibly uncomfortable by (I'm referring to the OG admin as Otipep) what Otipep said to him (basically insulting him which was out of character for Pepito and just not acceptable).

I think Ryan (Sunny admin) also defended Otipep but from what I saw she was just generally sad they couldn't spend more time together and not specifically defending them.

Lumi/ Pomme said she was sorry for the hate and mistreatment Otipep experienced that was detailed out in a document they posted. It has since been deleted and so all I have to go on is what other people have said/ screenshotted.

My concern is not only that Pomme defended the admin, but the admin doesn't seem apologetic. They stated the reason why they called Roier names and insulted him as a way to justify it. They said they're autistic and have undiagnosed chronic pain.

I have both. I can safely say that despite those, I ensure I apologise when I am in the wrong. Everyone says things they don't mean, especially people who are in pain constantly. It can make us irritable and angry and upset. But the important thing, is we learn from the mistakes. I always ask my friends to tell me if I do or say something wrong and explain it to me as I may not understand or realise I've upset them. But I can't exactly compare my experiences to theirs.

I don't know enough on the situation to accurately comment on it. There's a lot I don't know because I didn't watch the stream with the Otipep incident and don't think I want to, to be perfectly honest. I also didn't get to read the document and it has since been deleted. So, really, I'm not the best person to talk about this other than what I know and how I feel as another autistic person who disagrees with their approach to this situation.

I don't agree with Pomme in supporting Optipep, even if she is ignorant/ not aware of the situatuon that had happened, I hope she realises the mistake and acts upon it. Time will tell.

[dirtytransmasc]

i’ve been wondering how quaritch the sullys or norm & the others scientists would react if spider actually got brain damage from the machine, like a speech problem or chronic illness and he becomes shaky, also how would spider himself deal with not being able to swing through trees safely anymore?

I've played with a disabled spider before, though I never posted it, so here's my idea of a potential symptom list; tremors/numbness in his hands, auditory processing issues, sensitivity to light and movement, focal seizures, a mild stutter, and fibromyalgia (cause we have to project a little). another thing is, he just drops sometimes, his legs give out from beneath him and he ends up in a pile on the floor, otherwise completely fine. he also gets phantom pains of the connection from the machine (from what I understand, that machine would feel like pulling your spinal cord out the base of your neck and plugging it into a car battery). Add that to his PTSD from the event, and you get one fucked up kid.

now we just apply this to his family.

for neytiri it's one hell of a wake up call; her neglect for the child allowed him to be kidnapped and he is no physically affected, seemingly for the rest of his life. spider was always weary of asking for help, but now that poses a massive threat to his wellbeing, and the mother in her aches at the realization that she did that to him, she made him feel unable to ask for help. its also really difficult to watch him go through his focal seizures after what had happened to kiri. she know's its wrong of her to want to care for him now after years of neglect, but she wants to right the wrongs. the only problem is, is the boy is terrified of her.

jake is forced to realize how spider is a lot like him, and then looking back and realizing he was always like him, he was just too blind and dumb see it the whole time. now his kid, if he even has the right to call him that (he doesn't), is struggling just to function, and he'd been the one to say 'he's a tough kid' and move on. he feels sick every time he looks at the boy, and he ends up avoiding him just like the rest of his problems.

kiri would be furious with her family for leaving spider behind when she had begged to look for him, and now because they left him with those people, he's in constant pain and fear, frustrated because he lacks control over so much of his body. she would be one of his biggest caretakers, as she knows how to go about it without being patronizing, though even then, her constant help makes him antsy.

lo'ak would feel... upset, angry, sad, frustrated. he doesn't have one word to describe it. I've talked about this with a few friends, but lo'ak, while he may not actually have these disabilities, feels very adhd and dyslexic coded in the way that his trauma and neglect/abuse present themselves within the narrative. especially in the sense that he was never accommodated for his own "shortcomings" and now he has a disabled brother and he's torn between his internalized "ableism" (loosely using that word to run with the example) that stems from pushing his needs below the surface and therefore expecting other's to do the same, and his want to take care of his best friend and brother. it's not that he wants spider to hurt himself by not hiding his disability, its just that he doesn't know what else he can do, because for so long he's tried to do exactly that with no help. it also really hurts watching spider go through his day to day life like that, especially in the early days when he and the people around him didn't fully understand what was wrong so he sorta had to suffer through trial and error.

tuk is a good kid, she probably accommodates spider best because things don't change unless they have to. she still plays with him, nags him, spends time with him all the same. she just adapts to his way of life. she doesn't treat him like he's fragile or in need of pity, and I could see her inadvertently putting him through some sense of physical therapy as she gets him up and about, using his hands, and such. she makes him smile even when he feels hopeless she's the best little sister he could ask for.

norm and max feel helpless, every time the offer to help him he shoves them off (cause they treat him like he's 5 years old and made of glass). they see him fading away, looking more and more dull by the day, they know he needs help or the injury won't heal and it will only get worse, they know they should have done more when spider went missing, but they can't do anything now and spider hates them (he doesn't he just doesn't like his brian being rummaged around in anymore then it has, he doesn't want to be fixed, he just wants to be. he's tired of everyone pitying themselves for not looking for him, tired of everyone worrying, he just wants things to be normal again.)

quaritch would hate himself, he had brought spider to ardmore, even if he hadn't known what the machine would do to him, he allowed it to happen, he let spider to get hurt, and now he tries to do everything he can to make it up to him. he took care of him in the field, pulled strings to get him under the table medical care back on base, was even willing to give him up to the sully's when it started getting really bad, cause even if they were and parents, spider would have a stable life with medical attention. he doesn't have any ill feelings towards his son or his disabilities as many would assume he would; he just wants his boy to feel ok, no matter what that means ability-wise. he's also one of the few people spider lets faun after him because he knows it's not out of guilt for abusing and neglecting him for years but for making a mistake that spider can't find within himself to blame him for.

(including the tonowari family, because I can, I love them too much to exclude them)

tonowari and ronal would throw a fit when they found out spider had been knowingly left behind with the RDA, especially because he knew what they were capable of doing firsthand, but also because he was clearly a worse father than the man he claimed to be running from (quaritch getting a redemption arc and being 'adopted' by ronal and tonowari is my favorite thing, sorry, I just can't leave it out). spider accepts treatment from her because its na'vi medicine, it feels right to seek the Great Mother's help in fixing what the Demons did to him. this quickly turns into him getting adopted, cause ronal has taken to this small human child, and tonowari just wants to see this boy happy.

ao'nung tries to throw hands with jake. that it, he treats spider like he would any other kid, any other brother, he just tries to kill jake for letting that happen to him.

tsireya is just a gentle soul to keep him company. she is a rock in the storm, always calm and caring, always asking permission to care for him, never assuming he wants her help. she holds him steady when the world around him is chaos.

now for spider himself? he feels even more useless and like a freak then before. he feels weak for being so screwed up by what he only lets himself think of as 'a flashy spinning machine' as if it wasn't created to break him. he would hate having attention on him because why should it have taken being tortured to receive this sort of attention? was being a kid not enough, he just has to suffer first? pair that with the fact that he is so self sacrificial and quick to defend the sully's he's shameful of his own anger. he's an emotional disaster, so many different though processes mixing and fighting with each other. but most of all he's frustrated, so frustrated, in the span of a few hours he lost the one thing he had, which was trust in his body, his physical capabilities that allowed him to survive on pandora and be a 'tough' kid that burdened no one. now he needs help with basic tasks and constant supervision so he doesn't just fall down and die somewhere.

[doodlegirl1998]

No one talked or wants to talk about it is how Tenko had more good stuff than Izu. I'm talking about his two faceless friends when Tenchan was a cute baby. No they aren't important and granted Hori can't bakugoufied them any minute

My point is so far

Compared to Izuku's childhood...Tenko was better. He had a lovely corgi,his big sis loved him and he had friends.

"but Kotaro" yes Hori is a coward to go to the laziest option but even so...Tenko the soon to be Le villain had a better childhood than the mc (not forgetting his pain here but it's not as if he was abused 24/7. Hori went to a coward route but we only see one bad day on Kotaro. To be clear not excuse the abuse just saying Tenko had people on his side even if it wasn't perfect)

Now compared to Izuku's past and ....wow.

Izu doesn't have good friends

Never had a fluffy corgi (bk would have killed I know he would)

His mom is just existing.

And he is stuck with his abuser (in the begin Izu didn't had a good view on bk which hori couldn't let stand)

It's just...Izu had a sad backstory but no one gives a shit. Is it sadder than shig? The point it's not this... The point is how the mc has a bad childhood and his villain had a decent one (again I KNOW IT WASNT PERFECT)

Hi @mikeellee 👋,

You do have a good point here, while Tenko had an abusive father in Kotaro (which Hori went super lazy with making him abusive and failed to expand on his abuse), in his childhood he's shown to have more good things in his life than Izuku has had.

Tenko had in his backstory prior to the accident:

A good pet in Mon-chan

A big sister who loved him (although I am mixed on Hana, her lying to save herself from Kotaro as another part of her main appearance doesn't do her any favours. Although that sits more on Kotaro making his daughter that afraid of him.)

A mum and Grandparents who loved him** (although they too are not without fault, they should have acted sooner to stand up to Kotaro but no one can deny they loved Tenko.)

And his two faceless nameless friends who seemed nice from what little we are told.

Whereas Izu in his backstory;

Has never had any pet to our knowledge.

Has no cool big brother or sister.

His Dad is MIA ( apparently abroad working but he's never shown to call Izuku or come home.)

He has no sweet loving grandparents from his mum or dads side.

His Mum* doesn't stand up for him and cries on him about his being born quirkless.

Izuku is never shown to have any friend prior to U.A.

Izuku is chronically bullied (abused) from the ages of 4 - 14 by Bakugou and his cronies. (I'd argue this is actually still ongoing in UA the tone in the narrative has just shifted to be more in Bkg's favour now than Izu's.) And Izuku is still STUCK with Bakugou as a member of the 'wonder duo'... (that whole concept can fuck right off.)

So Shig, other than Kotaro being an abusive POS, actually had more nice things in his backstory than Izu did whereas Izu's backstory (prior to meeting All Might) is just PAIN.

*- it could be argued that Inko is a good thing in Izuku's backstory and while I'm not denying she loves him I'm saying that in their relationship is not all that great... He has to comfort her a lot of the time she's on screen and Hori never shows Inko confronting Aldera or the Bakugou's about her son's bullying. So she's failing as a parent there.

** - While Nao and her parents are actually shown standing up to Kotaro which is leaps and bounds ahead of anything Inko is shown to do for Izu (sorry it's true.)

[isnt-it-pretty]

Kaveh and Cyno would walk around the city while holding hands. This way Cyno would gain a little bit more confident by staying close to Kaveh. When his hands were occupied, he'd clutch onto his clothes or hold his - then kept longer - braid (carefully, of course, so he doesn't hurt him).

One time some adult joked at them that they looked like they were in love and Kaveh got very upset. It made little Cyno sad because he thought of Kaveh his best friend, and he loved him dearly (not being aware of the difference between it being platonic and romantic at the time). As a result, he stopped reaching for Kaveh's hand when they were out and about. He also stopped coming by when Cyrus visited them.

Kaveh assumed that there was only one explanation - Cyno must be dying (he knew Cyno was sick, but he didn't know exactly how it worked) because why else would his friend avoid him? He scolds Cyrus for being so neglectful and leaving his poor friend all alone and demands he's being taken to him (for what he is reprimanded by his parents). Cyrus doesn't understand what is going on, but calms everyone down and agrees to take Kaveh with him. And so Cyno sees Kaveh all flustered, almost crying, and it took him a long time to explain that he was fine. And Kaveh hugs him all so tightly it's almost painful, but he's too surprised to react.

A few days later, he shyly asks Cyrus about it. Why was Kaveh upset when someone assumed they were in love? Cyrus's brows went high, then frowned. And then he laughed.

"Why won't you ask him yourself?" he proposed.

And so the next time the boys were playing together - by which I mean that Kaveh was drawing and talking about his drawings while Cyno was listening - he brought the topic. Kaveh stared silently at Cyno for a moment.

"Do you not love me?" asked Cyno, for which Kaveh's mouth went agape.

"Of course I do!" he nearly shouted offended. "You are my friend, of course I love you!". He dropped his supplies on the grand to hold Cyno's hands.

And Kaveh went on asking about it: what had he done, what made him think so, was Kaveh not a good friend for Cyno, did he forget about something important? What could've made Cyno think he didn't love him? Is that why he stopped visiting? And holding his hand? And pulling at his braid (although trying not to make it hurtful!)

All of a sudden, Cyno felt very embarrassed about the reason behind all this. His friend was worried about him so much and for what? For him to assume something so, so wrong. Yet he still managed to tell him about this one person who joked about them looking like they were in love. And how Kaveh got upset. And how it made him sad.

Awwwww. Little chronically ill Cyno and protective af/anxious Kaveh! I love it.

They'd be okay, they'd grow up together but even in the Akademiya, Kaveh would be very protective (which is hilarious because Cyno really doesn't need it by that point.)

Idk if your thought for this was aro Kaveh or for eventual romance but it really has the energy for both.

[theantarwitch]

About Comfort Zone and why is wrong used - Long Rant

Lately I been seeing a ton of people talking about the Comfort Zone, about how we can only grow if we step out it and all that, but mostly everyone forget to mention a little detail: The majority of the people have no Comfort Zone.

Let's back to the roots and copy and paste what wikipedia say about it: A comfort zone is a familiar psychological state where people are at ease and (perceive they are) in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress. Bardwick defines the term as "a behavioral state where a person operates in an anxiety-neutral position." Brené Brown describes it as "Where our uncertainty, scarcity and vulnerability are minimized—where we believe we'll have access to enough love, food, talent, time, admiration. Where we feel we have some control.

So, the basic "rules" of the Comfort Zone says:

A) People must at ease and in basic control of their environment.

B) People are experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress.

C) The uncertainty, scarcity and vulnerability are minimized.

D) With well access to the basic needs (food, water, shelter, health care, hygiene, money, love, education, clothes, sleep, security... Pretty much the 3 basic levels of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs)

So, if you "fail" in some of the 4 basic "rules" of the Comfort Zone, you pretty much didn't have Comfort Zone.

Let's breal up that thing a little...

If you are not at ease (disconfort, anger, pain, sadness, uneasy, worried, etc), you are lacking Comfort Zone.

If you are not control of your environment (toxic/ traumatic house, abusive relationship, under manipulation, migration, homeless, disabled, etc), you are lacking Comfort Zone.

If you are experiencing high levels of anxiety and stress (pathologically high, unhealthy levels of it, panic attacks, floating anxiety, depression, PTSD, mostly all the mental illnesses), you are lacking Comfort Zone.

If you are uncertain, in scarcity and vulnerability (be part of a minority, experience racism, bullying, LGTBQIA+phobia, fatphobia, etc) and lacking some of the basic human needs, you are lacking Comfort Zone.

And if you are experiencing ALL OF THAT, you have NO Comfort Zone.

Now, let's have in mind the kind of world we are living currently... Many of us didn't have not even the basic level of the damn Maslow's pyramid and we have a "bingo" of a lack of all the 4 basic rules.. and the huge majority at least lack one of them... Why keep pushing about the Comfort Zone?

As a start, the main objetive of the Comfort Zone is self growth, things that are over the two basic layers of the damn pyramid. You NEED to have you BASIC NEEDS satisfied to focus in self growth. I'm not saying that you CAN'T pursue self growth if you are lacking them, but trully, your energy and mind have more urgent things to attend...

Example, myself. I lack of money and health care, I struggle with afford food and basic bills, I'm disabled and VERY neurodivergent, I suffer of Chronic Clinical Depression and Chronic Pain (with no meds and treatment because lol money) and I have problems to sleep, besides another huge chunck of issues. Do I try to grow as a person? OF COURSE! But I will not put myself on risk, for it. I need to grow in a way that I will not collapse because I haven't my basic needs covered. I DON'T HAVE COMFORT ZONE, so my growth must adapt to the little I can afford myself to do. I can't step over my Comfort Zone because I DIDN'T HAVE ONE TO START.

I repeat, you can't leave your Comfort Zone if you don't have it.

So, for the love of Maslow, people, stop to suggest to everyone to "step out the Comfort Zone" when, except some lucky ones (eat the rich), mostly of the normal people is struggling with not become homeless.

It feels invasive, like pushing us, and make us think that we are not growing enough and getting mentally better because we don't go out our "Comfort Zone". Feels like if you are drowing and some say "haha now try to swim with a shark and touch it, you will grow with that experience"... I'M DROWNING, I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T EVEN OPEN MY EYES UNDER WATER, HOW I WILL TOUCH A SHARK?

Next time, be gently, be empathic. Self growth is great, but do it in a safe gentle way, that there are enough suddenly events in real life that will kick you out of your Comfort Zone by force, or even break your Comfort Zone, sometimes to the point that you will not have anything left.

Stop pushing, stop to add struggles when you are struggling every second of your life. Prioritize. You will have until the last second of your life to grow as a person, focus in your safety. Focus in create your Comfort Zone, in making it bigger, stronger. I want to see you happy, healthy and safe. I love you.

Edit: Someone also explain it amazingly here