#i didn't get to say it in the group chat bc i wasn't online at the time

[amuyyi]

unfiltered y/n .

synopsis; two drabbles of y/n being the oldest of newjeans, yet arguably the most chaotic and childish. 21 year old y/n who's very gen z coded and borderline chronically online from a young age.

trope; platonic! newjeans x f!reader, just danielle + hyein bc im lazy

wc; 1.9k

cw; n/a

a/n; guys i think i fr forgot how to write erm so sorry this is dookie but i needed to write something lighthearted to keep my sanity even tho writers block is real rn thumbs up emoji ... also y/n is just me again LMFAO

Humming, your eyes glaze over the Phoning chat. You and Danielle sat comfortably within your practice room, the younger girl joining shortly after seeing you had started a livestream. There was no particular reason for this stream, you simply felt like entertaining your fans for the day. Throughout the livestream, you and Danielle simply talked, being some of the most social and extroverted members of Newjeans, it wasn’t hard for you two to popcorn different topics from one another.

“Did you ever read Warriors?”

“What, that book series about the emo cats?”

“They’re not emo– well…. Actually…”

Both you and Danielle burst into a fit of giggles as you tried to explain the lore of the Warrior Cats series, which then went into you making a powerpoint on why your company should allow you to have a cat in the dorms, which then went into a conversation about how you guys wanted to decorate your ideal home…

When you and Danielle were put into a room together, it almost seemed like you two fueled each other's energy in a never ending cycle. Still, as your laughter dies down, the pair of you decide to just chill, even for a moment. Your attention gets drawn back to the comments whilst Danielle aimlessly scrolled on her phone for a bit.

“y/n, who are your favorite kpop artists??” You read out loud.

Your eyes light up at this question. Before becoming a trainee, you were a die hard fan of many groups back when you were younger. Honestly.. You were a bit of a chronically online kid, despite your social tendencies. Back in the day, you ran a kpop stan twitter, and are well versed in the new vocabulary of online meme culture… as embarrassing as it was to admit the more you thought about it. 

After reading the comment, the mischievous and playful glint in your eye was impossible to ignore, and Dani seemed to pick up on the shift in energy. Shooting you a suspicious glance, you decide to speak up.

“Ah there are so many groups I love… But.. I’d have to say Red Velvet and LOONA...!”

It was an innocent enough answer at a glance, but to some, the underlying message behind it was glaringly obvious.

Almost immediately after speaking, in the most obvious and not discreet fashion, you freeze, arching a brow making a curious looking expression at the camera as you pucker your lips. It was undeniable that you were referencing an all too familiar meme within the LGBTQ community.

Honestly, you were never one to shy away from your sexuality. You were lucky enough to know who you were from a young age. (All of your odd childhood crushes practically spoke for themselves. Rain from the movie Spirit, for example. The horse.) 

It wasn’t long before the girls caught onto you, and they have been nothing but supportive since. Oftentimes they would tease you over your clinginess with your other members, or how you’d very publicly fawn over other female idols, while nearly all of the light drained from your eyes when approached by a man. 

In hindsight, it was a surprise that they didn’t catch on sooner. The way you acted so stiff around male idols when forced to do Tiktoks with them, or how you never entertained their advances. However, it seemed like Some fans did seem to notice faster than your own members, and deemed you “Irene's daughter” as a result— a title in which you wear with pride, might you add! 

That wasn't to say you didn't have your own hardships and struggles with your sexuality at the same time, though. Of course, being a part of one of the biggest kpop groups of your generation, you couldn’t express your sexuality publically. Not yet. It was too risky. A large chunk of your fan base consisted of straight men anyways… Potential backlash would be detrimental. You didn’t want to drag the others down with you. Not when you guys have so much ahead together.

So you keep your head low, put on your best smile, and focus on your members.

….Until moments like these, of course.

Eyes practically boggling out of her head, Danielle bursts into laughter, shoving your shoulder with one hand while she covers her face with her sweater sleeve.

“Unnie…!” she scream-whispers, baffled by your words. Of course she knew what you were hinting at, she didn’t live under a rock her whole life.

Seeing Danielles reaction only seems to egg you on though. What? You weren’t saying anything explicitly queer. Only the people that mattered would know. Worst case scenario, you’d be in some odd rumor or speculation that had no real evidence to back you up. Maybe you’d be seen as an ally. Humming once again, you pretend to think.

“Though if you want to know about male artists….” You take a significantly longer time to answer this as Danielle is left a giggling mess next to you. She seemed almost a little distressed through the laughter, but she trusted you.

“I would probably say I like EXO and Shinee the most.”

Once again, you make that damn face, and Danielle throws her head back in hysterical laughter. She grabs your shoulder and shakes you around, whispering quiet scoldings into your ear as you snicker, feigning an innocent look as the chat practically blows up.

[cha3wonz] – HELLO???? [kaheii] – y/n blow a kiss if u like women [luv__newjeans] – okay ally

Unsurprisingly, clips of your shared live with Danielle went viral. Many stan accounts on twitter began to speculate that you were queer, whilst others fully embraced it. Your favorite posts were the edits of you with the rainbow flag followed up by a question mark. It was all too good.

Honestly, you didn’t even think it was a big deal. You didn’t pay much attention to other male groups– you never did, really, but when you looked at the new incoming generation of boy group members… They practically had the whole pride parade following them. 

There were a few minor articles about you here and there, but you were mostly off the hook.

Danielle lay sprawled across your back whilst you lay on her bed, scrolling through Twitter aimlessly as she laughs at the comments on your recent instagram post.

“It seems that your fangirls can't get enough of you, lovergirl,” she teases lightheartedly as you wiggle beneath her weight, giggling.

Maybe one day you’ll share the news to your fans, and maybe one day they won’t even be surprised. But you’re glad to have what you have now. Just you, your girls, and your ever growing folder of queer y/n memes off of Twitter.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Hyein was in the middle of a solo livestream within her bedroom, lying comfortably in her bed as she showcased various articles of clothing she had bought with Hanni the day prior.

The livestream was going well, peaceful as Hyein makes her way through several t shirts, sweaters, pants, and skirts of all colors and styles.

Right when Hyein was about to reveal her favorite article of clothing from the haul, loud, almost desperate banging rings throughout the room. An almost pathetic sounding yelp of surprise erupts from the girl before she curiously glances at the livestream. 

Leaning forward, she whispers to the camera, “I think… I think there's a creep trying to break in…” 

Suddenly, the door bursts open, with a very flustered and irritated y/n tumbling in shortly after. iPad in hand, you collapse into the bed next to Hyein

“Guys, guy, GUYS. The theme was scene!!! What the hell is this?! Look at THIS versus MY outfit!” You exclaim almost a little too loudly as you shove the ipad in front of the camera. Failing to focus on your screen properly, the viewers simply saw a bright white square as you groaned.

Baffled and still a bit in shock, Hyein speaks up, “Unnie, it's really not that serio–”

“This is bullsh–” You cut yourself off as Hyein snorts loudly at your near slip up. Clearing your throat, you grip your ipad a little tighter than needed, trying to calm down.

“This is unfair. And you know what's worse? Its probably some nine year old with their friends voting for them behind the screen!” You whine out dramatically. With how upset you were getting, it wouldn't be surprising if this genuinely was the one determining factor that would either make or break your night.

Hyein couldn't bite back the amused laugh at your seriousness. 

You took your games pretty seriously. Even if it was roblox. There was something familiar and comforting about it all, really. Lighthearted games like this  played a major part in your childhood— which was, of course, abruptly cut short once you became a trainee at age 14. Now that you were an adult with a job as an idol, you could buy your own robux, buy your own gamepasses and items… and most importantly, stomp on little kids in-game. You were here first, after all.

“Unnie, aren't you like, 21 years old? Don't you think you’re a little too old to—“

“And don't you like— what, 12?!” You shoot back without even missing a beat.

A brief, yet suffocating silence passes as the both of you stare at each other, wide eyed. Never in your years of knowing the younger girl have you ever been so.. sassy to her. You were the oldest, after all. It was your job to take care of her.

Almost instantly, you drop your ipad and tackle the younger girl in a hug, crying out, “BABY HYEIN!!! IM SORRY…!!!”

Hyein on the other hand, was not as reciprocal to your attempts at apologizing. Upon being tackled, half of the air in her lungs practically got knocked out of her, and she finds herself tumbling backwards into the blankets below. Instead of accepting your obviously very real and very distressed apology, she began struggling to wriggle out of your grasp as she yelled out, “NO! LET ME GO UNNIE!! LET ME GOOO!!!”

Though the youngest towered over you by over half a foot, your grip on her was borderline deadly. Squeezing your arms tightly around her neck in an attempt at being soothing and sweet (you werent) you scream at yourself, rocking her back and forth. 

“I'm so STUPID im SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY I JUST WANTED YOU TO PLAY WITH ME.”

Incoherent screams and movement was seen from the livestream for about 5 minutes before Hyein tapped your arm, giving in.

“Fine, fine..! I forgive you unnie, just let me go…!”

The moments following Hyein’s acceptance of her fate seemed to actually go by pretty smoothly compared to the chaos that had just ensued a few minutes prior.

Laying in bed together, the two of you played dress to impress while on the live, occasionally interacting with the viewers, but mostly focusing on winning the game. A comfortable silence passes, the only sound being nails against iPad screens.

The pair of you would proudly showcase your creations to the camera, and shared mutual frustration when neither of you would even place despite the immense efforts you put into your outfits.

“I swear to god Hyein, I’m gonna buy both of us VIP and we’re gonna leave these girls in the dust…”

As you prepare to go up for your final round of the night, Hyein suddenly perks up.

“Oh look, unnie! This outfit is actually pretty good…”

“Huh? Oh!! You're right! This is super pretty…”

“…”

“…”

“Two stars?”

“Two stars.”

[catacombbee]

welcome home (i missed you dearly)

tyden tattoo shop au; crossposted on ao3:

INSPIRED BY A POST @the-killies MADE

just mentioning beforehand they are older in this bc they are adults bc tyler has a tattoo shop BUT the way tylers thinking abt aiden isnt meant to be sexy hes just thinking aiden is very very pretty boy okay this isnt supposed to be horny okay pls dont make it horny 🔫

sometimes theres just the desperation to touch someone to feel someone to be near someone. so im totally projecting

also i dont know exactly how tattoo shops work if anything is inaccurate SHHHH dangles gay in front of you to distract. does the distraction dance

It had been two years since Tyler had seen Aiden.

Sure, they kept in touch. The group chat was more alive than ever even after they all graduated. Life drew them in their own different directions, but they'd always be friends.

And yet it had been two years since all six of them met up in the same place. They had gotten together to celebrate most of their respective college graduations. Taylor had been working at a mechanic shop for over a year at this point, and her boss loved her friends so much that he ordered pizzas for them to celebrate. Of course they ended up back in the graveyard, sitting together in that bus as they ate and laughed and fell asleep on each other.

Tyler had made friends in art school that filled the gap that was left when he didn't see his five best friends every day. No, they'd never replace the others, but he felt less alone. By the time he graduated, he and two of his new friends really wanted to open their own tattoo shop together.

Taylor pointed out that the building beside her shop had been empty for sale for years. Tyler thought it was pretty funny that even into his career he couldn't get away from his sister. It was great, by all means. He got a discount on car maintenance, and they got a discount on their tattoos. It also meant he got the honors of giving Taylor her first tattoo himself. TH + AB inside a heart was pretty sappy, but he didn't tell her that when he did it. He was happy she was happy.

And he was happy. He was thriving. Ever since he gave up baseball, accepting that it wasn't making him happy like it used to, and let himself embrace his creativity, he felt so much more comfortable in himself. Who knew that art scholarships were a thing?? Why had no one told him??

But now he was living on his own and making enough money to not only support himself but pay for his mom's therapy. She was doing better, too; Taylor hadn't moved out when Tyler did, opting to stay living at home to take care of her. Now all three of them were moving uphill. Tyler was happy, he was secure, the tattoo shop was busier than ever. Everything was great.

And then Aiden Clark walked through the door.

Tyler wouldn't say he was disappointed to see him. No, far from it. In fact, he was far happier to see the blond than he would let himself admit. While most of the group was in college, Aiden had taken his parents money and gone who the hell knows where. Italy, France, Germany, Japan, other countries that Tyler couldn't remember, he saw it all. Along the way, he'd posted almost every bit of his journey online for people to live vicariously through him. At least, that's what Ashlyn called it. People loved watching him not only traverse beautiful landscapes, but also explore other cultures and share stories from people he'd met.

That meant that, as Aiden built an online following large enough to support himself without his parents' help (which in hindsight was probably his goal), Tyler got to watch through a screen as he did all sorts of impressive or death defying feats. Because of course he did. He's Aiden.

It's one thing to watch someone in full scuba gear get locked in a shark tank. It's another to watch him set up a camera and jump off of a cliff into water shirtless.

There were a lot of videos where he ended up shirtless, actually. A byproduct of his love for being in the water. Surfing, swimming, snorkeling- why did so many of those words start with an S anyway? Aiden did it all. And he did half of it wearing nothing from the waist up.

Seeing Aiden shirtless made Tyler's heart flutter every time-

"Tyler!" Aiden broke him from his thoughts. Fortunately. Instead of thinking about how nice he looked in his videos, Tyler could focus on how nice he looked standing right in front of him.

"Aiden," he responded, the second half of the name coming out like a bark as Aiden slammed into him with a bear hug. "It's so great to see you!" He said, squeezing Tyler not tightly enough to take his breath away as much as he did. "How have you been?"

He had been absolutely horrible before he saw Aiden. What the hell was he doing that would dare compare to this man wrapping himself around Tyler like he was never as overjoyed as he was now seeing him again?

"I've been great."

Aiden let go and stepped back. Unfortunately. He grinned up at Tyler, who was still proudly taller. "You look great. I mean, I saw you in some of the pictures posted on your place's Insta, but you look even better in person, yknow? Your tattoos are so cool woah-"

Tyler was much too distracted by the sound of his heart thudding in his ears to pay much mind to Aiden poking and prodding at his arms excitedly. He was blabbering something about how he couldn't wait to have a tattoo of his own- wait, what?

Shaking himself back to reality, Tyler pulled his arm back. It was the only way he'd focus: without Aiden's hands on his skin. "Are you here to get a tattoo?" He'd thought Aiden was just visiting. Why wouldn't he just visit? Ben came by to visit and didn't get a tattoo. Logan came by to visit and didn't get a tattoo. Ashlyn-

"Yeah! I already know kind what I want, too." Of course he did. "Oh, is it okay if I record some of it?" Of course it was. "I don't know if you follow my channel that much, I just wanted to show them the process." Of course. "Plus! I can say HEY here's this cool place! So if you're in the area and you want a tattoo, come see my buddy Tyler!" Of course.

And he wanted Tyler to give him the tattoo. And he wanted it on his back. Wings. Of course. Of course Aiden wanted a large tattoo on his back. Of course Aiden wanted Tyler to sit for hours and look down at his naked torso and have to focus on not screwing up the ink just because his client is pretty. He had tattooed pretty men before! This did NOT have to be any different.

But they weren't Aiden.

Aiden came with some reference photos. He and Tyler came up with a design Aiden liked. It wasn't that elaborate, but it was still going to be time consuming. Unfortunately.

Aiden was lying on his stomach, humming contentedly to himself as he scrolled through his phone, his arm dangling off of the table. Beside him stood Tyler, who was focusing so hard on his art.

Frankly, this was the longest he'd ever seen Aiden sit still. Even when he was asleep, he was such a wiggle worm. Sure, he remembered Taylor said once that she saw Aiden sleep completely still once, but he didn't want to think about that night.

On second thought, maybe that would be better. Maybe if he thought about the night Aiden died he wouldn't think about all the perfectly toned muscle that was right there. How many nights had he laid awake in bed, only his phone lighting the room, watching those videos of Aiden and imagining how it'd feel to wrap his arms around him? How many nights had he rolled over, his arms snug tightly around the middle of a pillow, so that when he closed his eyes he could imagine it was Aiden's waist instead?

How much longer could he deny that he wanted more than anything to be close to him?

After what felt like a year or maybe two minutes, they were halfway done. He'd told Aiden upfront that he'd need to come back again to finish it, which was fine. He had an opening the next day. Aiden was too eager to return. His smile was burned in Tyler's vision much like spots swimming in one's eyes after looking at a bright light.

Taylor came over to see him after work. Tyler was busy scrolling through his phone and definitely not thinking about a certain blond. "Aiden stopped by to say hi today."

"Mhm."

"He showed me his half-finished tattoo."

"Mm."

"You need to tell him you love him."

"Mhm."

Taylor punched him in the arm. Ow. She was fucking strong. "Tyler, c'mon." He finally made himself look up at her from where he was sitting. "We all knew it years ago, and here you are still acting like you don't care."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Don't care what, that he's back? Of course I care that he's back, he's my friend."

She looked at him unamused. "You sure don't look at each other like you're friends," Taylor argued.

Well, what the hell did she know?

Tyler grumbled to himself the entire drive home. He sulked about it as he sat down to watch tv. He moped as he laid in bed, trying to sleep. He dreamed about it, Aiden's laugh echoing throughout his subconscious. He grumbled yet again as he trudged into into work the next day.

Aiden was back late that afternoon.

Surely he must have noticed the way Tyler was avoiding eye contact. The way he practically mumbled in response to Aiden trying to spark a conversation. The way his hand shook as it pressed against his back for the first time that day.

"Don't fuck up my tattoo, halfwit," Aiden grumbled playfully, turning his head to try and look up at Tyler.

He just smiled in response. "It's been a while since you called me that."

Aiden shrugged, earning a scolding from Tyler who was about to put the needle back to his skin. "Well, it's been a while since we've seen each other. I missed you."

Tyler's hands paused. Only for a second.

"I missed you too," he admitted. He really, really had. Far more than he would admit. He missed that manically brilliant grin, knowing something mischievous was soon to follow. He missed the way he laughed, the way he always knew what to say to get on everyone's last nerve, the way he masterfully turned the attention onto himself to distract from whatever was going on around them.

He missed how close they were when they saw each other every day; it gave him more chances to get close to Aiden.

"Why wings?" He blurted out, desperate to change the mental subject to something that did not include wishing he could wrap his arms around Aiden and ask him never to leave again, or worse, to beg him to let Tyler come too.

Aiden hummed, wiggling, despite however many times Tyler had told him off. He was either really lucky that he never made Tyler mess up or he was really good at moving only when he couldn't mess Tyler up. It was impossible to tell.

But of course, he stilled when Tyler leaned back in to continue his work. "Wings are a symbol of freedom, right?" He said, leaving it at that.

Tyler could feel the smile through his words, but he knew there were layers to this sort of symbolism. Freedom from the phantom dimension. Freedom from his parents, to whatever extent it hurt. Freedom from this little town. Freedom to explore the world to his heart's content.

Aiden wanted the world, and Tyler wanted to be his world. But he knew he'd never be enough to satisfy such a deep-rooted wanderlust.

Maybe Aiden was more like his parents than he'd like to admit. They, too, could never stay in one place for too long. They stayed in the house Aiden was living in through high school just long enough for him to leave the house, and then they were gone again. Ashlyn liked to tease that she preferred her new neighbors because they kept to themselves.

How deeply rooted was the Clarks' need to stay on the move? In fleeing the country to both satisfy his own desires and to escape association with his parents, how much was Aiden solidifying how alike they really were? How much did it bother him, or did it at all?

Tyler wondered so many things, and voiced none of them.

But perhaps he wasted too much time thinking and didn't spend enough of it actually talking. The tattoo was finally finished. It was late afternoon, and Tyler had no other appointments that day. Aiden was paying. He was leaving. He was about to leave, and Tyler was about to not see him again for another two years.

Tyler couldn't let that happen.

"Hey," he said suddenly, as Aiden was digging his wallet out of his pocket. "How much longer are you going to be in town?" Because if you aren't busy, we can meet up. Because if you're still here, we can go out somewhere together. Because if you're not leaving, I still have time.

Aiden shrugged. "I was gonna stay for a few more days originally, but my hotel didn't have any vacancy past tonight. I'm gonna sleep in my car and head out tomorrow morning."

Tyler's heart dropped into his stomach. Aiden was leaving tomorrow. Aiden was going to walk out that door and be gone and Tyler wouldn't know how long it would be until he saw him on the same side of the screen again.

That's why he blurted out: "Stay at my place."

Both men stared at each other, dumbfounded, neither really expecting Tyler to suggest such a thing. Aiden's eyes were wide, his tanned cheeks ever so slightly rosy. Tyler wondered if he was imagining it.

"Okay," Aiden said, his grin impossibly wider.

That's how Tyler ended up driving home with Aiden reclining in his passenger side seat. Did he insist that Aiden could just follow him home in his own car? Yes. Did Aiden somehow convince him to just let him throw all his stuff in his backseat and hitch a ride and leave his car parked outside the tattoo shop? Yes. Unfortunately.

The radio was on low; nothing that interesting was playing. Tyler could hear his own voice randomly stopping and starting from Aiden's phone. Sometimes while he was still working on the tattoo, Aiden would hold his phone up, video already rolling, saying "cheese!" and earning a glare from Tyler. Probably for the "I got a tattoo" video. A few times he even got Tyler to stop and take a quick shot of the progress, which was preferable as it kept Aiden from moving as much.

Why did Tyler suggest this. Why did Tyler suggest this. Tyler lived in a one bedroom home, all by himself, and the couch was probably fine but not comfortable enough to SLEEP on WHY did Tyler suggest this. Why did Tyler bring Aiden home. Why was Tyler helping Aiden bring his things inside and showing him around the place.

"So you live by yourself now?" Aiden asked cheerfully as he helped himself to a formerly unopened bag of chips. "That's cool. I thought you and Taylor would've still been living together but this is also cool. I guess since you work next door you need time apart, right? I wish I was still this close to Ben. He doesn't like moving around a lot, I'm happy he found a place he's comfortable." Aiden never stopped talking, and Tyler didn't want to stop him.

"Taylor's still living with Mom," Tyler said, shrugging. "We aren't really living apart cus we needed more space, I just..." How could he put into words that he couldn't stand the vacant look in his mother's eyes anymore? Even as she was doing better, how could he admit he couldn't handle the aching emptiness of that old home?

But Aiden nodded even despite the lack of an explanation, and Tyler understood that it wasn't actually needed.

That was another thing he loved-

That was another thing he enjoyed about Aiden. For all the nonstop chatter that came from him, he was actually a remarkable listener. Sometimes Tyler really struggled to put things into words, but Aiden didn't need him to. He was good at reading between the lines, and Tyler was grateful for that.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Aiden's stomach rumbling so loudly he wondered if he'd eaten at all that day. It was so stupid, he couldn't help but laugh.

The deer-in-headlights wide-eyed look on Aiden's face made Tyler laugh even harder. "I'm just going to cook some spaghetti. Think you can wait that long? And stop with the chips, you need real food."

Aiden threw the clip from the chips at Tyler; he caught it. "Shut up, I forgot lunch."

"That's not my fault," he shot back, gesturing at him with the box of spaghetti noodles. The now open box of spaghetti noodles. A small clump of uncooked noodles flew out, falling at Aiden's feet. "But that was!" He responded, picking them up and taking a bite of one. Tyler cringed.

Aiden was quiet as Tyler started cooking. Fortunately. He did chime in when Tyler was putting the pasta in the pot, shrieking until he agreed to not snap the spaghetti. Because what was he, a fucking barbarian? No, only heathens snap their spaghetti. Tyler was eager to point out to Aiden that he did the same until he visited Italy.

"It's a JOKE!" Aiden insisted through a mouthful of pasta, since Tyler had yet to drop the matter even now that they were eating. "It's a silly thing like, 'oh no! My Nonna is rolling over in her grave because you're breaking your pasta!' I don't think people actually care that much."

Tyler raised an eyebrow at him as he noisily slurped up yet another mouthful of spaghetti. He snickered, wiping his mouth. At least he had the decency to use a napkin. "Well, I like it long. It's more fun. So I guess I care."

Never again would Tyler Hernandez break pasta. At least not when he was cooking for Aiden.

Dinner wasn't very eventful, unless you counted the fact that Tyler was sitting across from Aiden Clark and talking to him and having dinner with him alone sitting in his house for the entire night. But no, no big deal. Just two guys being friends, hanging out. Two bros sitting at a table, five feet apart-

Aiden was right next to Tyler, wrapping an arm around his shoulders in a quick side hug. "Thanks for dinner!" Tyler just stared at him, because oh, now he's very close and smiling down at him. And now he was walking away with his and Tyler's plates in hand. "I'll clean up since you cooked."

That brought Tyler back to reality. "You're my guest, you don't need to do that. And don't thank me for feeding you, that's literally the bare minimum."

He was ignored; the clinking of plates being washed began as the tap came on in the kitchen sink. Tyler just sighed and allowed it. If Aiden insisted on cleaning dinner up, Tyler could busy himself with finding something for them to do afterwards, at least. After all, it wasn't that late at night; they needed something to do.

There was a dusty box of video game cases. Tyler hadn't played Mario Kart in ages.

That turned out to be the best idea he'd had all day. He could barely begin suggesting the idea to Aiden before the controller was snatched from his hands and a certain blond planted himself on the sofa, staring intensely at the screen, waiting for Tyler to start the game.

There were too many characters to pick from; Tyler always tried a different one every time. This time he picked Rosalina, earning a curious glance from Aiden. On the complete other side of the character selection spectrum, Aiden IMMEDIATELY beelined for Waluigi. His entire cart was built and ready before Tyler even decided which character he wanted.

It'd been a long time since they played together, but Tyler knew how Aiden played. Normally selecting the Mii character to play as someone like Sans, but settling for Waluigi because he knew Tyler wouldn't have his weird characters saved. All speed, not great handling. As for Tyler, he preferred putting more into acceleration than speed. What's the use in being fast if it takes you too long to speed up when you crash into shit?

And his performance proved him right. Or it proved that Aiden's Mario Kart skills were rusty and he had circled right back to noob status. Tyler won time and time again, all his time playing with Taylor when she came over for sleepovers paying off.

He let Aiden end on a high note, though. There was no way he was going to go easy on him, of course; he figured Aiden must've finally got the hang of the game again when he won the last round. "YES!" He yelled, pointing a finger right in Tyler's face. "I finally got you!"

Tyler let him have it, considering how miserably he did in the very first races. "Alright, you got me."

Aiden giggled. He giggled. And he smiled right at Tyler. Unfortunately.

"It's late," Tyler said, looking away. They'd been playing for a couple of hours at this point. It felt like they'd just sat down. "I'm not letting you stay up all night before driving for hours."

Confusion growing on his face, Aiden watched as Tyler set up a pillow and blanket on the couch. "Am I sleeping out here?"

"No, of course not. You're sleeping in my room." Did Aiden really expect to be left on the couch??

Aiden just grinned at him. "You don't have to sleep on the sofa, Ty."

It was hard to ignore the way his heart fluttered. This man was going to be the death of him. He just had to survive one more night. Surely. "I'm sure as hell not making you sleep on the sofa. Especially with a healing tattoo, you need to rest on something comfortable, dude."

But Tyler had misunderstood exactly what Aiden was getting at. "Tyler, I don't care if we share the bed, yknow."

Oh. Tyler hoped that the way his face burned wasn't visible. He never would have expected Aiden to suggest such a thing. Why would Aiden suggest such a thing? Why wouldn't Aiden suggest such a thing, actually? Why did it matter? It shouldn't matter. They were friends. Friends could share a bed. Surely.

That's how Tyler found himself laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, as Aiden scrolled on his phone to his right. He had tucked a pillow securely under his chest to prop himself up, whatever app he was using casting a soft glow on his face. Tyler couldn't help but look a few times. Just a few.

This was all made worse by the fact that Aiden was laying there on his stomach shirtless. It took Tyler dragging him back to the bathroom after they both showered and forcing him to sit down for him to remember that, yes, his tattoo needed proper attention of its own. And now there he was, lying on his stomach so as to not irritate his back, and his phone was lighting up the sleepy grin on his face. Unfortunately.

"Go to sleep," Tyler grumbled, as if the light was bothering him. It wasn't the light itself keeping him up, though. How could he sleep with this man lying a foot away from him?

Aiden grumbled back, putting his phone on the nightstand. "You don't have enough pillows. I need, like... three."

"What the fuck do you need three pillows for." Tyler only had two! The only person that slept over was Taylor, and she brought a sleeping bag and pillows for herself; she, too, didn't want Tyler giving up his bed just for her.

The response was punctuated by a scoff, as if Aiden was offended that Tyler wouldn't know why Aiden needed three damn pillows. "I need something under my stomach and my head to be comfortable on my stomach."

Then he should have brought his own. "You can't have my pillow."

"Can I just lay on you instead?"

Once again, Aiden said something that left Tyler stunned and defenseless. The room went silent as he couldn't come up with an answer that didn't sound as desperate or excited as the thought made him feel inside.

Aiden took his silence for rejection. "I was, joking, uh-"

"Yes. Uh, yeah you can. If you want to."

Silence again. This time much less uncomfortable. Slowly, tentatively, Aiden shifted closer. Placed an arm on Tyler's other side, holding himself up. Lowered himself to settle against Tyler's chest, tucking into his shoulder.

They both let out a long breath as they fell into place together. It was as if whatever anxious walls they'd put up crumbled and vanished as their bodies moved on their own, suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to be closer. Aiden's leg looped under Tyler's. Tyler's arms settled around Aiden, Aiden's latched together under Tyler's back.

Aiden's head tilted back, his gaze meeting Tyler's. They were close, too close. Unfortunately.

Or maybe it wasn't a bad thing. Aiden was searching his face, a calm smile adorning his face. Tyler stared right back, unable to stop himself from glancing at that pretty smile, wondering what it'd feel like pressed against his own lips.

Aiden noticed; he smiled a little brighter. It suited him, that natural smile. That smile for Tyler. How could he deny any longer his own feelings when Aiden was smiling like that? Smiling like that just for him? How could he deny his own feelings when it was so clear suddenly that Aiden felt the same?

"Aiden?" He said softly, eyes unable to focus on just Aiden's eyes or just Aiden's lips, bouncing between the two. He just hummed in response, staring back with a level of focus that was surprising for him.

"I- I want to kiss you," Tyler blurted out.

Aiden giggled, his eyes nearly closing as laughter took over his body. Tyler's face burned, and he scowled even despite knowing that he was just being teased. "Aiden."

"Can I tell you a secret?" He responded, managing to cease his snickering. Tyler just stared, waiting.

Aiden leaned close, suddenly serious. Tyler couldn't keep up with the mad facade for much longer, given that he could feel Aiden's breath on his face. This was the closest they'd ever been, at least that Tyler could remember. He'd lean in and end his suffering if he weren't waiting on Aiden to go on with what he wanted to say.

"I lied about the hotel," Aiden whispered, "so you'd invite me over."

Then Aiden kissed him. And Tyler was too blissfully reduced to mush to even get mad at the realization that this entire situation only happened because Aiden was banking on Tyler suggesting he stay over instead of sleeping in his car.

Now Aiden was gripping Tyler's shirt like he'd disappear if he opened his eyes, Tyler was running his hand through Aiden's hair and pulling him ever closer, and neither of them wanted it to end. Finally, finally, Aiden was his.

Who cared what would happen tomorrow, or a week from now? Who cared what they'd do when Aiden had to leave again? Tyler was firmly rooted at home, and Aiden was endlessly roaming without a constant one. But that was tomorrow's problem.

Tonight Aiden was his. And he wasn't letting go.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for locking an ex-friend out of a long-time gaming account?

[Context]

I (F16) had a friend, who we'll call V (F30s). We met on an online chat game, with the main focus being decorating rooms and playing mini-games with other players. She had been playing for well over ten years at that point, while I was still pretty new (about a year or two, in comparison). I had a pretty large friend group on that game, and when I met her, I kind of brought her into this group.

Several months (6+ ish) later, the group and I decided to create a knock-off room of some of the most popular rooms on the server. We had mostly all met in these popular rooms and just wanted one of our own for the friend group and others like us. This was largely my idea, along with my best friend, R (16M). R contributed the most in terms of financial support, and we both took on designing the room. Everyone else pitched in ideas, but were largely unhelpful in the grand scheme of things. V was the most unhelpful, as she would get pissy about small things that didnt go her way, even when she wasn't contributing to the creation of this room.

Eventually, the room was completed how R and I wanted it, with some input from the others. V did a 180 and was soooo happy with how everything turned out. Everything was back to normal with her.

Now, our room was not successful. We did not end up one of the popular ones. While a little disappointing, it was fine because we were still hanging out with our friends and having fun. About a month or two in, I got a message from R telling me to log on quick, bc the room was in disarray.

I logged in and people were telling me V had trashed it (all of us in the main group had complete access to the room, so could make changes as needed). While it wasn't "trashed" per se, it was a mess and it did take me a couple hours to fix everything.

Friends filled me in and told me V had apparently been secretly making her own room (another knock-off like ours, but worse) with a guy who had said some disgusting things about me, and several friends joined her in tarnishing ours before leaving to be with her.

This was an utter betrayal as I loved them all and had trusted them with something R and I worked very hard on for all of us. There was never any indication that V was unhappy with anything, as we spoke every day and she was always saying how much she loved our group and how we were definitely gonna be the most successful eventually and blah blah. I mean, I recognized that she was just saying what I wanted to hear, but still. I thought of her like a big sister.

[End Context]

A few days went by, and R and I were talking about everything that had happened. I was finally over the shock, and I was just angry. R said he wished there were some way we could get back at her. I remembered that V had given me her password months prior for an event she couldn't complete, and I had logged in and done it for her. I told him that she said it was the only password she'd ever used, since she was young, and I bet she hadn't changed it.

I was wrong, she HAD changed it, but she had also given me her email for the login information, so I tried the password on her email. I got in. So I changed her game password through her email and logged in.

She had been online, but this game would kick you off if someone else logged in while you were online, so I knew I had precious little time before she'd change the password back and I'd be kicked off.

So I went into her room, mass-banned everyone in there (including some of my former friends, one was the gross guy I hated), destroyed the room as much as possible, and then privated it so no one could enter (idk why I didn't just delete the room, wasn't thinking clearly ig). I then typed in as many censored words as I could so the auto-filter would flag her and get her account suspended.

Her account DID get suspended (and the game team was notorious for having the worst support ever. Once your account was suspended/banned, you almost never got it back), and I was auto-logged out. I logged back into my personal account, and R and I freaked out, just super giddy. V used an alt account to confront us, and ofc we denied having any involvement, but laughed at her anyways.

She did eventually (a month or two later) get her main account back, but before that she had lost all of her stuff, so she couldn't reopen her room. I was pretty satisfied with this, but some of the former friends who sided with her told me it had taken a toll on her mental health. I told them that all of their betrayals had taken a toll on MY mental health, so why should I be bothered, especially when I hadn't DONE anything (wink).

All in all, I felt justified, and she did eventually get her main account back, and I stopped playing not too long after that, but I'd still like to know what other people think.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[bil-daddy]

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

[hiraeth-nostalgic]

you know what? i'm gonna keep yapping!

Reki is often talked about online as being dramatic and a bad friend. he was fucking depressed! people who are depressed tend to self-isolate and just,,, (sometimes) don't make the bestest of friends no matter how HARD they try to. (speaking from experience here and that is NOT the case for everyone who has depression but esp in highschool? bruh)

imagine you're somewhere with your best friend and some other friends that you aren't around constantly and the ENTIRE time you're watching your friend do something that they are good at (that both of you do TOGETHER for FUN) you're standing there, listening to people you thought was the slightest bit your friend say that no one even knows you are outside of an extension of your other friend. that you aren't as good. that you "latched on to them"

16/17 year olds are fragile with self-esteem because it's such a BIG time in their lives. Reki sat there and listened to these things CONSTANTLY and because he got sad and pulled away, he's the bad friend?

FUCK that. Literally. if anyone was a bad friend it was Miya and Shadow for saying it, never apologizing, and then acting confused about why Reki stopped showing up instead of making jokes at Reki's expense. Langa wasn't the greatest friend (bc I'm pretty sure the kid didn't know how to be friends with anyone lmao) but the difference is, while Langa didn't know what was going on he made an effort to try and figure out why reki was not there anymore. we never even see any sort of apology from Miya, we get the one scene in the elevator where Miya is upset (and because he's a lot younger and due to how guarded and crabby he is as a character, he probably never connected the dots.)

the point is: if there was a bad friend it wasn't Reki. But it's not about being a bad friend, or who was one. that is literally so far removed from the storyline that it's weird how OFTEN I hear about it. they are all struggling. in the beginning, they are all struggling separately.

Cherry and Joe no longer hang out like they did as teens. Cherry's wrapped up in why Adam does what he does and how he left them. Joe just wants his friend Cherry back. Langa is dealing with the death of his father AND then moving countries. Miya deals with bullies at school and then the isolation and loneliness he feels is the best in his school when he just wants to skate with his friend. Shadow has a crush on his manager and didn't know how to approach her. and reki? reki was a loner. he had no friends at school, he lost his only skate friend due to injuries and he worked at the skate shop.

literally, the story is so much deeper than a skating community having problems throughout it with other skaters. it's about a group of (unlikely) people coming together (or back together for Joe and Cherry) and not feeling so isolated in everyday life and understanding that it is fine to still have hobbies because it's FUN and your life shouldn't be about working to death and being lonely. (also think about how this takes place in Japan and there's a lot of talk, esp from foreigners, about how lonely it is because all there is work. it can be really isolating.) Anyway, feel free to add on or ramble at me, I love a good chat bout it.

[sleekervae]

Okay, this might be long...

hi guys. so... obviously a lot has gone down in the past 48 hours. I didn't want to make opinions/assumptions at first because I wanted to see what more information would come up. As sad and disappointing as this whole drama with palaye is, let's please, please, please remember to be respectful of one another on the internet. Let's not bully one another about opinions and let's also not get too sucked into things that may or may not be our business.

I as a writer portray my subjects the way that I interpret them and their personalities to the best of my abilities, but I don't know any of the members of palaye or what they're like irl. From the people I've talked with who have met them, they've had really positive experiences so this does go both ways. I'll just reiterate again: let's not be mean to each other, please? I'm also not saying let's sweep this under the rug bc some of the behaviour being exposed is def not okay from a group that some people look up to. They're also human, and humans can be shitty. The point, however, is (hopefully) we learn from that behaviour and (again, hopefully) not repeat it. And in some cases, in order to not repeat it, people need to be called out.

As for Emerson, needless to say I'm disappointed and I'm also really sad for Shy. I'm of the belief (currently) that Emerson isn't a groomer; I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. What there's no doubt about is that cheating is cheating no matter how you slice it. We watched it happen publicly about three or four times this past year.

That being said -- and this is just me taking the high road -- but please don't share the nudes around on the internet. Just don't do it, it's gross. It certainly wasn't okay when it happened to Percy White, and it's still not okay. And yes, I know there's a difference between what's happening with Emerson and what happened with Percy, but still; there's a fine line to walk here.

The internet has a really interesting effect of pouring more and more gasoline on the fire, no matter whether the context is positive or negative. I don't agree with how the guys handled it at first with twitter (but I'm also of the opinion that twitter is just an on-fire garbage can that needs to be taken out) and they should've handled this privately. But again, let's be respectful to one another. Whether some of us like it or not, palaye are going to forge ahead. For the fan drama, I hope the guys get a wake up call to smarten up. As for Emerson's drama, it's shitty I know but cheating doesn't necessarily constitute getting thrown out of a band. It happened with the Arctic Monkeys and they're still forging ahead, too.

I'm going to be taking a little break from The Neighbour (I know it sounds dumb coming from me 'cause I take month long breaks in between chapters), but I'm not going away forever. Palaye Royale has still played a major part in my life the past four years and has gotten me through a lot of trauma. I'll still be posting other content, and if anyone every wants to reach out and chat you're more than welcome to!

If you made it through this whole thing, than you deserve a cookie! I'm not going to promise that everything is going to be okay, but please remember to be kind to yourselves and one another. :)

Edit-

Also to add; I've read a lot of people complaining about Palaye's merch being delayed, not delivered, no replies to emails, etc. I've experienced trouble with it too and I don't think that Austin guy they put in charge is very organized. Maybe he's great at setting up merch tables but running an online store and business is another can of worms. Either he gets his shit together or they should put somebody else in charge of the online stuff.

[compassionatereminders]

So, feel free to just delete this, obviously this is your blog lol I just feel like I need to spill it to a 3rd party, I hope that's ok- it's really long though so 100% there is no expectation to read or post it LMAO

So, I got into a big argument with my (now ex) gf where I basically said she and her friends, who said they were my friends too, were pretty much leaving me out of group chat convos and talking behind my back (I know this because they brought stuff up that I'd only told her.) And like- I understand I'm not going to be involved in literally every conversation she has! Some things are just between her and her friends, that's fine, I have friends I talk to without her too! But the fact that *nothing* I told her stayed between us made me really insecure and paranoid, so I stopped telling her important stuff, and then she got upset that I wasn't talking to her as much or giving her as much time. When I told her why, she got more upset and kind of dodged the accusation, saying that if I respected her more and gave her more of my time then we would be better off and I would be a better girlfriend.

I left the group chat pretty suddenly because I was overwhelmed and just didn't feel like I could do it anymore; they all expected me to be online 24/7 even when I told them I couldn't be, and because of this, there were a lot of times where my ex would send a picture of herself, get lots of support from the friends, and then they'd turn this silent spotlight onto me to see what I had to say about the selfie. Then, when I didn't respond bc I was busy, they would all get passive aggressive, and my ex would (I hate to use this word but I cant think of another one) mope about it until I apologized or did something to make up for it.

Recently we all made up, i apologized for whag i said because some of it was mean, and I was invited back to thr original GC, but it turns out they had all been talking bad about me behind my back, saying I was a coward for leaving, i was jealous of her talking to other people, and that I needed to support her no matter what, even if it was something I didn't agree with (we'd gotten into minor spat about abortion rights; im pro-choice, shes not, and it made me upset to find out). I dont really know how to feel. On one hand, yeah- they were supporting their friend who had a (fairly messy? Idk, that was my first relationship) breakup and sometimes a little smack talk is warranted, I won't pretend I was perfect. But on the other... they brought up a lot of stuff I did before we broke up that I didn't realize was a problem. How I don't like group calls because of my anxiety and that made me even more of a coward, how I didn't like sending pictures of myself and that was apparently me faking being insecure for attention, how I wouldn't answer things in the GC immediately even though they knew I had work and at the time was my nephew's most reliable babysitter.

My fight or flight activates pretty much every time I even open the app, but I don't want to just up and leave again because then they'd get mad all over. They haven't said anything to my face, so maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities or something, and I knew things wouldn't be the same as they were before, but I feel like my being back in the group has caused some serious tension. 2 of them clearly don't like me but won't say anything about it. 1 of them claims he's always blunt and will call me out if I go too far or smth, but he never has, and he was a big part of talking about me.

I don't know. They make me want to just ghost them and find new friends but 1. I would feel terrible if someone ghosted me and 2. I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people at the moment. I have 1 friend who isn't part of it but he lives an 18 hour drive away.

I know your relationship dynamic changed recently (in a good way, right?) so I really hope this wasn't like, uncomfortable to read or anything. Sorry for the mega rant

These people sound emotionally immature to the point of being toxic. I don't think you'll regret leaving this chat and moving on

[dearmrsawyer]

yesterday we had a farewell lunch for one of my coworkers and it was the first time so many of us were in the building together since mid march and we were all so excited to see each other 😭😭 i really did forget what a genuine pleasure it is to share my workplace, where i spend over half my week, with these people! i’m really sad that this coworker is leaving, she’s in quite a high position and she’s always been such a friend to/advocate for all of us, always made sure anything that was making our work lives more difficult was addressed, and also acted like a shield to protect us from things that may filter down and affect us negatively. i always treasured the times we crossed paths and i’m going to miss her A LOT but yesterday was just a really great day, and if our case numbers stay where they are we’ll all be able to see each other again for our christmas lunch in December and i cannot wait!

[hella1975]

Bestie im starting college soon and you seem like a person with friends so like how do you do that

very flattered by this <3333 very much going to be talking from my own experiences here and as always when i give advice my word is NOT gospel so if you'd rather do something else than what i say then that's totally fine if anything i ENCOURAGE that. as lame as it is 'be yourself' is the worst best advice you'll ever get, otherwise you'll get stuck with people who aren't like-minded at all and it can be really suffocating (this is always what i have the biggest issue with bc i have a habit of just catering my personality to whoever im with, so none of my friends ever feel like they get me if that makes sense. so yes i objectively have a good number of friends and several functioning friendship groups that i enjoy, but at no point do i ever feel like ive taken the mask off, yk?)

so yes, unfortunately all of what i have to tell you is going to have the underlying assumption that you're taking 'be yourself' to heart. i mean it. one friend that knows you as some cringe online loser that likes anime is so so much better than twenty friends that think you're hot shit.

specifically for a college environment:

push yourself! ive said this kind of thing before, but i dont mean 'wake up an extrovert one day'. i understand it's hard and scary and social anxiety/neurodivergence is a thing, but teenagers arent actually stupid! they want to see you trying more than anything else. if you act a hermit who doesn't leave their room ever or go to any social functions and then gets upset when no one magically befriends them, then that was always going to happen. but if you try and reach out, try and make small talk whenever you're in shared spaces, try and be in group chats, try and put the effort in, then even if you dont succeed or you think you did a bad job, other people will still recognise the effort. genuinely it goes such a long way. of course the more things you do actively partake in, the easier it'll all get for you, but i dont want you to make yourself uncomfortable or wind up hating college altogether. push yourself, but dont beat yourself up if you need a time out every now and then

join societies! i actually didn't do this (unless you count women in finance which... i do not count) but i always kept this option in the back of my mind for if i couldnt make any friends on my course OR any friends in my accommodation. it's a sure-fire way of meeting people AND you can cater it to ensure they're similar to you by following your interests. also idk about other places but in the uk, societies arrange social nights amongst their club, so you go out to events and bars and move nights and shit together and you can create an entire social scene just through your society

don't give up. this is cringe but also true. i have two main friendship groups at university: my coursemates and the [insert their accom's name here] lot. you might notice i didnt say my flatmates and that's because my second friendship group, the one im in the most and am now living with next year btw!!, met me in a really random way. it started out with me sticking with 'the flatmate i dont like' as she's come to be named, who befriended our neighbour in the accom over from ours, who met these other two girls (flatmates with each other) at a social night I DIDNT GO TO, and now me, my neighbour and those two girls are super close and i practically lived at their accom all through first year. but i wasn't friends with those two girls until MONTHS into university, and as you can see, it was really random when it did happen. friendships are like that! if my mate hadn't gone to tequila night just for the tequila to run out and them all to go to the same afters by PURE CHANCE, then i wouldn't know two of my closest uni friends! how mental is that!

remember that everyone is in the same boat. idc how confident or hot some of these people are, i am telling you as a FACT of life that they are pure shitting themselves thinking they aren't going to make friends at uni. this is why it's key to be brave in the first few weeks before people start finding their feet. take advantage of their insecurity! the girl ive just spent three nights with in my uni city literally adopted me after an induction lecture we both had for economics because she came up to me and TO MY FACE went 'hey you seem really nice and i dont know anyone, can i stay with you?' and she's now one of my favourite people. not once did i go 'hey that's kind of a ballsy/weird thing to say' because i was too busy being RELIEVED that someone had come up to me, bc sure enough i was in my own mental spiral of 'shit shit shit i dont know anyone fuck what the fuck'. like genuinely just reach out to people OR latch onto the people that reach out to you. i remember one time i went to a freshers fair ON MY OWN and i was really embarrassed by that fact bc most people go with their flatmates or SOMEONE and i was on my own, so i literally just started talking to the girl next to me on the bus because she was on her own too. we did the entire freshers fair together and i never spoke to her again, but we totally used each other in that moment and there's literally nothing saying we couldn't have clicked and become the best of friends. you're all as pathetic as each other in those first few weeks, remember that.

all in all, good luck. it's a great time and i guarantee you you'll do great. im rooting for you anonstie, keep me posted!

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

HELP ME

idk where else I should be posting this but I just want to get this out of my system

my crush/college mate has invited me to watch thor 4 w him and his circle... and im overthinking things

backstory:

College of Engineering

he's that kind of "everybody's crush" guy and he's also fairly popular within our batch bc of his good looks. when we were in our 1st year, we became close as I am "one of the boys" kind of girl (yes I have more guy friends than girl friends) and I became close w the boys circle.

bc I was hanging out so often w the boys circle and sometimes the boys would intentionally sit apart from us...people started shipping us (they say we look good together). i didn't really believe it til our circle had a kind of an open forum.

during that open forum, some of the guys asked him if he was courting someone or if he has a crush. suddenly he looked at me for a split second and he says he's thinking but it's possible that he wants a girlfriend soon.

fast forward>>>>>

i confessed to him on our 2nd year of college. I thought I assumed right with us getting closer with each other but during that time he only said "Thank you" back to me and reassuring me that we were good friends and he appreciates my adoration for him. that hurts but maybe I was just really wrong about us being mutual in feelings.

3rd year I decided to join another group circle as some of the boys circle priorities do not align with mine (yeah they'd want to be on internet cafes all the time whilst I wanted to be at the library to study). that was the start of my friendship with them falling apart... but I couldn't do anything much. I need to study hard and I also would want to move on from the hurt 😞

fast forward>>>>>

in middle of our 3rd year 2nd semester, he and his family decided to move to japan. I didn't even get to say goodbye personally nor do I want to chat him online about it. I kind of wanted to forget him...

One year passed. I was walking home...I saw 2 familiar men walking out of a car. I saw his dad and then I saw him. I was frozen at the spot. My brain went haywire thinking 'that's not him. it's impossible. he is in Japan.' While I was stunned, I didn't realize his dad saw me and called him. He suddenly ran to me and hugged me without words. I was hesitant to hug him back bc im not used to guy friends hugging me back. It was kind of a relationship thing only. But I slowly did. It was a good minute of hug. Also, his perfume was so damn good! We took a step back and I was just screaming questions to him like 'why are you here? are you taking a vacation? why did you not tell us you're coming back? like if I did not see you here today I wouldn't know.' he answered he didn't want anybody to know yet and he wanted to surprise his friends (his childhood friend circle). But he told me he was glad to see a familiar face and that it was me, the first person to know that he's back.

He didn't return to the same college. He came back but he studied in a different university. So our interaction, was good as the last (I rarely chat w him). Or so i thought...

4th and 5th year of college went by. I graduated along with all of our batch. It was a satisfying victory! I took the licensure exam and passed the following year then continued to find work the suceeding months.

Then came the pandemic, the lockdowns.

Most of my social needs were fulfilled by video calls and gaming w strangers turn friends online. It's because I created a discord server and the game devs recognized it as an official discord server so yeah, my name (or perhaps username) got kind of popular among the players of the game. I wasn't really good at the game really.

Also to note, the guy and I don't follow each other in our social media accounts. And I was surprised during the early 2020, he followed me on IG. And chatted me about the discord server bc he heard about it and thought maybe I could play w him and his friends sometimes. I said yeah why not. I just shrugged like what could go wrong. I don't have any feelings for you anymore (I'm talking to myself) so it'd be just another typical gaming nights w friends. It was really fun ngl. I got to keep up with the boys again. They tell me stories of their shenanigans and I tell them mine. We pretty much hung out every night during 2020-2021. But with everybody getting busy with their work, also I. The online hangout gradually stopped during early 2022.

Oh yeah I forgot to note, we love MARVEL. It's all we talk about, me and the boys. So when a new marvel show or movie comes out, for sure we'll be chatting about it.

Then come Thor 4 and my obsession with Taika...

No one was ever going to stop me talking about my love for Taika and my anticipation for Thor: Love and Thunder and our group chat was no exception. He then invited me to their scheduled gala (hang out). It will be the boys circle again and me. I went with them, we watched thor 4 and guess what...HE SAT BESIDE ME. No one was sitting on my other side so I could hear his breathing or when he whispers something to my ear when he points out something that is going on on TLAT (we had our theories for the plot). I was basically squealing and sobbing throughout the movie and I can hear him silently laughing at me bc he knows I love Taika and he'll point out EVERY single scene whenever Korg is there lmao.

I had a really good fun! That was the first time ever after 4 years that I got to see them, and him, in person.

And because of that, I'm overthinking again. I thought I'd moved on but idk anymore. Maybe I have feelings for him again??? GOSH HELP ME

PS. He is single.

PPS. But I'm not sure if he's courting/dating someone so I'll never know. Guess I'll die.

[aahsokaatano]

I think everyone around my age (born between like 1994 and 1999) has a sort of.... bond isn't the right word really, but I can't think of anything better. An unspoken shared agreement? A collective awareness?

(I'm sure it's not just the people in that specified age range but that's the group I've noticed it in bc those are my peers)

That's the group that's just a little bit traumatized by online messaging

Let me explain (tw for discussions of suicide/suicidal thoughts - not me! Mutuals do not fret, i am okay)

When i was 17, my friend killed herself. We weren't particularly close - we only knew each other through orchestra. We both played the cello, and i was the section lead, so it was my job to know the others. She was nice. Quiet. Funny once you talked to her a bit.

One morning at school before the first bell, a mutual friend messaged me on tumblr and told me that our friend had died the night before

School let out early that day for unreleated reasons. I went home and took a nap before going to my after school job at a bookstore. My boss asked why I hadn't come in earlier, he knew school had let out several hours before. I told him my friend had died.

His wife started going on about how the internet was killing kids and making them too attention-seeking and I slunk off to shelve books with tears in my eyes.

Another story

My old blog wasn't like, super popular or anything, but I had a pretty decent amount of followers and sometimes people would message me out of the blue. If they were sad, I would tell a funny story or write a little fluffy drabble to make them smile, just like I would for any friend. But one time I started talking to this girl who admitted that I had kept her from committing suicide a few times. That I had saved her life.

It was terrifying

I didn't want that power. I didn't want that responsibility. We became friends, but every single time she messaged me, I was almost physically sick - what if I wasn't enough this time? What if I didn't see her message fast enough? What if I hurt her on accident?

What if it was my fault?

We fell out of touch a long time ago. I don't know what happened to her. I still think about her sometimes, and I almost dread getting an answer. I don't remember her username, but fuck, I remember the cold clench of fear in my gut every time I got a message from her.

A third story

There was a person who made a tumblr account specifically to talk to me, because we had been chatting in the comment section of one of my fics on AO3 and that was clunky and annoying, so they made a tumblr. They were funny and nice and had a habit of sending about 16 messages at a time rather than one long message and it almost gave me a panic attack. Because my brain said "that person needed you and you WERENT THERE and they sent you SO MANY MESSAGES and you never replied" and this person wasn't even suicidal, they just had a lot to say, but the guilt crushed me and anxiety froze me and I could only respond when they were actively online so I wouldn't have to see the message counter tick up.

I lost contact with them after i accidentally deleted my old blog, and a tiny part of me was relieved and a bigger part was guilty because of that relief and I still don't know how I feel about it

One last story

About a week ago, a friend DM'd me on discord with a vague message and an attached file that was named "letter of intent" and I almost had a panic attack on the spot

I have never in my life turned on my computer so fast, because my phone wouldn't support the file type, and i didn't breathe for several minutes until i realized it was just a letter listing out their goals for the year and that they sent it to me to keep themself on track

But god, the fear that tore through me before i knew what was going on - the horrifying certainty that i was going to read a plan of action or a goodbye note - I didn't sleep that night. Even after I knew what was going on. Rational thought doesn't disperse fear that easily.

(Friend, if you're reading this, I DO NOT BLAME YOU. You don't need to apologize. I'm okay, we're okay, and it's all gucci 💛)

So, what's my point here?

My point is that I'm not the only person with stories like this. Where someone sees a message notification and assumes the worst. I know a frankly heartbreaking amount of people just in my own circles with similar stories, and my circles aren't that big. I know that a lot of people probably know the exact feeling I'm talking about.

I think that's why, consciously or not, a lot of my friends start their messages with "hey!" or "quick question" or just "omg so". A little reassurance. A little gentleness. "This isn't a bad thing - or, if it is, it's not that bad thing."

Because... we've seen it before. And it scares us. And we don't want to scare others like that.

Idk. There's not a really a point to this. It's just been swirling around my head for a few days and needed to be put down in words.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for still having a grudge against someone after they left for a stupidly long time?

💻😓

^ so I can find it later

Me and a group of very close friends have a discord server where we chat and hang out frequently. I would say it’s past the level of normal online friends and is solidly in found family levels. We all respect eachother there, and while on a blue moon we have disagreements, it all gets resolved really quickly.

Me and one other person, X, thought of a RP scenario we could have our characters interact in. Everyone would be able to join, and it was a long time since alot of people were in one RP. We were both really excited, and announced the idea in the RP server we had with everyone.

After a bit, it turned out one of my closest friends, C, left that server due to some personal reasons with someone else (who had left the main friend group discord for a long while.) I really, really wanted them to stay in the RP, so I suggested we could move it to that close friends discord, since everyone else would be there. Here is where I may start to be TA.

I didn’t ‘properly’ inform/ask X, because they were already in the server we were moving to. That is 100% on me, and I know I should have asked them. I just got excited one of my friends still wanted to RP. We made up, and continued the RP. Here comes the main reason, and I still feel really, really terrible for this. X’s character is really afraid of the main environment the RPs take place in. Like, it would be a very, very heavy majority of the RP to take place in this environment, and logically, you cannot change it and make sense at the same time. So, their character got pushed to the side. For a bit, it ended up with them not getting a scene as their character wasn't in a logical place to join. So, they made a new character. (Admittedly, it felt a bit like the usual ‘mysterious character who always helps out and is very emo’ but i digress. We all made characters like that) They ended up having more of a part in the story, but again, and again this is more my fault, the story drifted away from them.

When we eventually got to a very dramatic scene, my character got outnumbered. And to not seem overpowered, I had something take out one of the extra characters. That just so happened to be their other, newer character. In the ooc (out of character) chat, they asked if they were needed. I assumed it was referring to this scene, so I said no.

They soon left the server, and after trying to apologize (not well at first) they claimed they would only return. Next. Year. Note that this halted EVERYTHING to a standstill. The ooc chat STILL doesn't have a SINGLE message since the day they left.

At that point, it was more than 6 months away, and i got furious. I also talked with their partner, and they bluntly said they would only return next year. After a bit i made an apology to X, and they found it acceptable, and we didn't chat at all for months. Fast forward to now, and only now I messaged them and asked if they wished to return early. They said yes, and everyone seems to be happy they’re here. The server is more lively, yes, but… inside, i feel a bit… i don’t know, frustrated?

They already had issues with wanting to be a main character in many RPs, and I fully understand I was in the wrong for not trying to find better ways to incorporate them in more, and even their partner knows its an issue w them. Some of my other friends agree. Some didn’t, but that may have been bc I made a slightly annoyed comment to them privately about the situation. (I said along the lines of if they wanted a main character so badly if they return they can just take my character.)

I really want this feeling to go away so we can continue the RP, and maybe become friends again. I don’t hate them, I rarely hate anyone. I want to have them happy to be in a RP, but I also want them to be okay with not being in the scene all the time… AITA?

What are these acronyms?