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#i didnt have any room to say also but
ch1zzie · 3 months
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The original in the bottom
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Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
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#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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aroaceleovaldez · 1 year
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new TSATS prediction based entirely off the interview from the UK Rick Riordan newsletter
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#pjo#nico di angelo#riordanverse#tsats#the sun and the star#this isnt spoilers this is just a silly#i do find it funny whenever people say Nico is Catholic though cause we dont have any actual indication of that other than he's From Italy#he doesnt have catholic guilt he has internalized homophobia. those are different things#listen his mom was a clear-sighted mortal who had TWO children with the god of the underworld who also was implied to help raise said kids#nico ain't catholic. this boy has never been to CCD. < source: i went to CCD /neg#however im already taking TSATS as fanon so i will laugh if Nico is randomly confirmed catholic#now Will? Will i could see. Will raised catholic? yes. Nico raised catholic? no.#in my brain Nico was raised with like. his parents having mixers in their parlor room with Maria's socialite friends and misc chthonic gods#like. Nico's babysitter growing up was Menoites (herdsman of the cattle of the underworld) type situation#seriously though i can only think of 3 details that would vaguely imply Nico is raised catholic and that are:#one instance of him helping Percy pick out a christmas gift for Annabeth (though everything in that short story was ooc tbh)#(and also Nico didnt actually ever imply he specifically was celebrating christmas)#two: Percy describing the situation in Sword of Hades as ''spending christmas in the underworld'' (nico is just kind of there)#and thirdly again: Nico's just from Venice#like. did he go to a religious school growing up? possibly! doesnt mean he was that religion though just means his school was#and even then we actually dont know if he wasn't homeschooled before moving to america#in which case yeah figures the like 3 months he spent in Westover would teach him random outdated stuff#they needed to send him to a sketchy school cause the di angelos dont have any records and if their material is outdated#then that's less likely to mess with Bianca and Nico's wiped memories#but demographically speaking its entirely likely that the entire larger di Angelo family arent christian anyways#everybody with misc varied headcanons about the demographics of the di angelo family i give u a little kiss on the forehead#''but what about Nico learning the wrong version of that one myth'' see again: could have learned it at Westover#and also. tbh far more likely that it was a 1930s thing than a religious thing#cause if we're talking staunch catholocism i dont think they'd be teaching him much greek mythology at all#anyways this has been: im far too amused by the phrases 'that boy has never been to CCD' and ''Nico has Become Catholic'
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feline-evil · 4 months
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Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.
But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.
WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE
I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I LOVE TOKI'S LEMON EATING CHALLENGE HES ON IN THIS EP. BABY YR STRANGE AND PECULIAR#pickles being insecure abt balding is funny too. my man has chosen a hairstyle that is actively making that worse for himself#buddy if u didnt have whiteguy dreads impromise yr hair wld be healthier. but we love u for yr octopus swag anyway <3#also hi nathan dont listen to the tv listen to me you look great. hi hello. im unsheathing my sword to cut down anyone who makes u feel bad#EVERYBODY IN UNIVERSE IS A COWARD. ITS BIG BOY SEASON. COME GET U ONE#dethvanity isnt in my list of favs i think most its humour is rlly easy lowballs but i find it funny for reasons outside of that#which is namely the show trying to make charavters insecure abt things when they absolutely are not any other time lmao#trying to find things to make skwis and toki insecure abt but theres NOTHING. ITS RLLY FUNNY#listen. putting my hand on everyones shoulder. lets not ignore the elephant in the room this show is uh#OFTEN VERY FATPHOBIC. so its no bastion of rep just cuz it doesnt take all the pot shots it cld at nathans body#it still does take some and theres plently of fatphobia outside of nathans character#but i do like that nathan is a bigger guy and outside of a few eps thats just treated as smth fine! its not remarked on outside of those!#and i think his body is drawn really well and i like that hes permitted to be sexy and to be like. seen with his body out just as much#as like anyone else in the band. like yeah duh nathan explosion is sexy in universe ppl are rocking with this. AS THEY SHOULD BE#idk like i say. not denying the show its fatphobia just saying i like how nathan is treated and portrayed a lot of the time :]
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oatbugs · 3 months
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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curioscurio · 11 months
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Most of my sinus infection has cleared up besides the occasional cough and irritated throat but now this ear infection.... everything hurts can I please have a break before I have to go back to work just a day without pain so I can clean up my sicknest without feeling like ass
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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Blitzwing was supposed to die in s4?
yup, right near the beginning of the season. megan yeets his soldiers into the city's reactor as fuel-- ramjet, sunstorm, shockwave, and blitzwing. lugnut jumps in willingly bc hes a simp
here's the tfwiki page about it. the script reading is also on youtube and i cried when i watched it even though there is a slllliiiiimmmm chance that they didnt actually die
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paralien · 5 months
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The worst thing in the entire world isn't waiting for a planned Talk™; It's having waited for A Talk™ for days and then less than 24hrs before it, the person who planned it asks if you can do a rain check and take it another day
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monachopism · 17 days
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)
im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal
#snap chats#I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA#rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous#i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything 🥴#i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...'#when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing 😭😭#that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish#but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out#my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts#and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me#i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO#like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO#UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left#i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier#my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig#ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes#like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot#i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason.#idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao#and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake#also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more#uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ☠️☠️#if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit#ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY
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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months
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ok BIG revelations tonight bc my roommate told me i talk in my sleep which is actually one of my biggest fears (<- intrusive thought/intrusive thought related dreams haver) so that's fucked up but she told me i like have conversations with myself and like laugh at what im saying and it is so fucked how in character that is. like im gonna throw up that's so endearing but it's so scary what the hellllll she was like yeah you'll just be rolling around talking and responding to yourself. anyways
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235uranium · 7 months
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leftist organizers when disabled people criticize them:
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nikkisticki · 9 months
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You know what you all get to suffer another pointless post about reddit and what I call the Defensive Wave
Whenever a game has common critiques that a large share of players agree on (generally bearing discontent about the state of the game) places like reddit will undergo this amusing shift of dialogue where a post or posts will get some hype, usually looking like
This [content] isn't well done because of (reasons)
Instead of the people who disagree actually trying to prove their stance, within 24 hours another post (or posts) will arrive making counter arguments without actually making anything resembling a real defense. Instead, it'll just be:
Well I loved [content] and your opinion is just an opinion, it doesn't make it objectively bad!
This is happening on r/FFXIV right now and has been since 6.5 launched three days ago, with that exact post chain happening yet again. I'll save you the braincells and just tell you that none of the posts or comments are actually discussing the issues presented, nor are they even acknowledging them. Instead, it's a direct critique of the ones who complained for speaking, usually while engaging in sideways manipulations of reality to pretend they are simply mad because of x and y reasons.
Ex. The Cyberpunk subreddit claiming people are just mad that the game didn't hold up to the players lofty expectations, ignoring that the devs promised those exact things.
This will continue until something draws the discourse away, smothering any chance of the complaints to be taken seriously while also silencing those who wish to speak under the false positivity of...attacking people for not agreeing with you.
I've seen it happen dozens of times and it's at the point that I can predict the posts of a subreddit before they happen. This isn't difficult to do mind you, people aren't particularly bright and will readily waste a few minutes complaining about those mean people pointing out the issues! It's just human nature to be a fuckwit, I suppose.
If people were slightly more intelligent, they'd realize discourse and negative comments are important for the health of an ongoing game, but no no we gotta act like everyone loves this shit in case (Dev) is sad!
Of course repeated negative discourse cycles exist, but those are a separate matter.
#FFXIV#No no these patches are great except for all the largescale complaints people have!#Its just that a sizable chunk of the community is getting exhausted from the same content loops#that doesnt count!#Its just that the content is underbaked and largely threw away all of the narrative thrust for the writers personal blorbos!#That doesnt Count!#Its just that the PVP changes ultimately didnt fix Front lines being dogshit and 90% of players doing all of the grind within a week#That doesnt count!#Its just that island sanctuary is a spreadsheet tied to you gathering sticks in a field for hours!#Its just that Criterion dungeons are done and over within 9 hours and serve no valued purpose to any of their trash Ilevel loops?#Its just that the combat system is collapsing due to bad balance choices and earlier content being made easier and less complicated!#That doesn't count!#Its just that the game is fundementally old as dirt and needs a total engine overhaul!#No no all the complaints are because you're mad they didnt give you five raids six eurekas and a blowjob!#Idiots#Dawntrail is going to underperform and be critiqued as middle of the road unless they've got some refreshing new content#And lets be real here 90% of the content we get is just different versions of fighting guys in hallways and rooms#I say this as someone whose stockpiling hundreds of dyes for the new Dye channel changes and is more excited about that then anything else#Oh also the new jobs are Corsair and Green Mage I'm 99.9% sure#And Femhroth for 7.0 which are just Femroes but hairy with a slightly more meow meow face#Nothing they've yet shown or hinted at will change the exhaustion people feel having to do pointless quests and get exposited at#HEY I KNOW YOU'RE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON EVER BUT CAN YOU GO TALK TO X#you get to X and they say HEY MY BUTT HURTS CAN YOU GO TALK TO Y#you get to Y who tells you to go back to X then go back to the original NPC#Rinse and repeat fifteen times and throw in some combat cutscenes and 3-5 solo instances#THERES YA MSQ good job you stopped the chameleons civil war or whatever#Honestly they've got nowhere to go at this point they already committed to the fact that we are Almighty
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jungwookjins · 1 year
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okay ik i’ve said a lot already abt my thoughts on how seoul drift is ooo’s most typically 4th gen bg-sounding and least uniquely Onlyoneof track so far and how i wish they didnt go that direction for a title track, but, all of that aside, by god if they didn’t execute it so well by standards of typical 4th gen bg noisy tracks + choreography, bc it rly is such a fun track w interesting layers and vocals, etc, and the choreo has so many interesting points and their performances keep getting better on better, like, the energy, the synchronicity, etc etc etc
also, with regards for it acting as a wrap-up for underground idol, i do feel like it’s a bit more structurally incongruent to ui than i’d like, like i think the mv couldve benefited from a bit more storytelling like the ui mvs, but i also dont think it was ever meant to be, nor do i think it was meant to be, a direct sequel or continuation to the characters in ui, i mean even between ui mvs, they were playing different characters (i.e. kyu playing the teacher in molo/nolo while taeyeob was playing a student vs yolo/kolo), kinda in like an alternate universes type situation, instead of one story, esp since ooo lore and storylines have always been more abt recurring themes in different iterations and contexts rather than continuing one line of lore
and not to engage in like,,extratextual justification or whatever, but i do think tonal dissonance, on some level, can/does serve a purpose, bc like the whole point of seoul drift is that seoul (and loosely by extension other big cities) has a very fast-paced and glittering image that hides the reality of the pain and loneliness that gay youth feel, that feeling of being lost and isolated and wandering, so like part of seoul drift would indeed be abt portraying that fast-paced vibe, in contrast and as an antithesis to the more focused and intimate portrayals of relationships in the ui mvs; whether that dissonance was properly/best executed, i dont Necessarily think so, but i dont think the dissonance itself between the tone of seoul drift vs ui inherently was a bad choice tbh 
#ooo#ennuitxt#i have a lot of complex thoughts abt seoul collection bc like#i know ooo can do even more/better#like this isnt nearly as cohesive as for example ip1#but i also know this is under very different circumstances and in a different context from when ip1 was made#and i think they should indeed have room to explore and experiment and we should also have the room to offer feedback#abt the things we liked and didnt like#and yea when i do set aside the more meta criticisms abt the lore/concept cohesion and how#seoul drift does or doesnt do ooo's signature sound justice#it Is a well executed 4th gen bg track and choreo imo#like i Know im biased bc they're my beloveds but#as a 4th gen bg enjoyer in general (as in i like 4th gen noise music a lot of times i'm not a noise music disliker by any means#so what im abt to say is not just an artifact of being a noice music disliker)#i do feel like w such oversaturation in the industry a lot of times the songs and choreos of this vibe are rly lackluster#like for example#i will not lie while i like n/ct's ay-yo /song/ and i usually like a lot of their choreos#i found the choreo kinda boring and generally lacking cohesion and conviction in performance#but i've actually liked seoul drift both the song and choreo more and more with every stage they've done#so u know#there's definitely smth going right#even if it's not everything we wanted/hoped for#this cb season has been v v busy for me since it was midterms week and then right after it's my break rn so im travelling#so ive just mulling over this slowly in bits and pieces in between the busyness
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kirexa · 10 months
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I could probably get away with pulling an all nighter,, i don't rly wanna sleep :(
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears#speaking against something that hurts#laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing#the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words.#i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it#but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do#but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at#inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that?#i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn#and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great#but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they#think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i#struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those#connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just#it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent#or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them#i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad#student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever#but its fine. ya kno#just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy#and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough#ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have#0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box#i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess#abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times#i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha#unrelated
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