#i didnt i did other things but i wanted to. i just. ive built up one skill to the point where its gotten me everything that ive ever had

[quinnonimp]

We Watch the Clouds & Stars: an OriginsSMP TNTduo Comic ☁️💫 | Anecdote: Awake or Alive [part 1/?]

content warning: discussion of death and afterlife

read left to right

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hello !!!!!!!!! im back on the grid again and with a bang, here to deliver a comic ive been working on since september ! its gonna be pretty messy, inconsistent, and just purely me having fun . therell be a lot of things ive thought through thoroughly, and therell be some things i forgot to even existed ! all in all this is a comic about a character whos been gone for a year and one that doesnt even exist, so its all built from me being silly

there will be sensitive topics discussed or depicted ! those will have a warning placed beforehand for each update, even though many of these things are meant to be up to interpretation or implied . some anecdotes ive written have been quite heavy though, so if i end up finishing them, listen to the content warnings

this will be a non-linear story, so instead of chapters i have named them anecdotes . they will be moreso bits and pieces of my o!quackity and o!wilbur's lives, specifically of them together, so some parts will be before or after others . some parts will reference each other, or foreshadow, but u likely wont need to read the anecdotes in any specific order

^ and so, because of this, the dynamics of wwtc&s!tntduo will change and will be inconsistent, just as what happens with real people if u look into random pockets of their life . some anecdotes theyll be more comfortable with each other, some theyll be more spiteful, some theyll be more awkward, etc. especially since oquackity has no character and owilbur is underdeveloped

this comic is a lot about change but also keeping familiarity in said change, which is totally not just an excuse for my inconsistent ass nope nuh-nuh. this time its actually relevant to the characters !!!!

and YEAH . i am doing all this just bc cc!quackity mentioned in the 2021 wine stream that he was in the originssmp discord and wanted to actually play but never did . im still mad abt it so ive decided to just make shit up now 👍

by the way !!!!!!!!! the big wings wilbur has on the cover r actually not canon anymore . Lol . i drew that before i had a more concrete idea of the comic and its concepts, but i really didnt feel like editing it (the tail is also missing), so i kept it cause idrc FDKDFKJ

i may draw him with wings again sometime just bc i really like it, but for the sake of story - know that theyre not canon, and that his cloak compensates for his lack of wings

there is likely more for me to explain, but rn im all over the place so i dont really remember what ! the next part will probs be up tomorrow or so, im not sure . really hope u guys enjoy

[zedleaked]

[APPARENTLY PEOPLE HERE WANTED TO KNOW THE HUMAN AXIS LORE SO IM JUST GOING TO COPY MY TWITTER POST HERE…] BASIC GIST IS THAT THIS IS JUST A GENERAL HUMAN AU. MONSTERS AND HUMANS SWAPPED. WOWIE!

ANYWAYS READ MORE FOR AXIS

AXIS ORIGIN IS STILL A BIT FUZZY. HERE HE'S LIKE CHUJIN'S ADOPTED SON [GENDER NEUTRAL],, CATGIRLTRICKSTER ON TWITTER SUGGESTED CHUJIN JUST FINDING YOUNG AXIS IN A PIPE OR SOMETHING AND I THINK THATS REALLY FUNNY... THOUGH HIS ORIGINS WOULD BE VAGUE. IF ASKED HE'D SAY HE DOESN'T REMEMBER.

ALSO NOTE BEFORE I FORGET. AXIS WAS JUST BORN WITH ONE LEG. THERE IS NO LORE REASON TO WHY ITS MISSING, IT IS JUST THE WAY HE IS. CHUJIN MAKES HIM A ROBOTIC LEG SO HE CAN HAVE AN EASIER TIME.

SURE I COULD GIVE A FUCKED REASON AS TO WHY HE DOESNT HAVE IT BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE IT.

AXIS WOULD BE AN APPRENTICE UNDER CHUJIN SIMILAR TO MARTLET [I NEEDA DRAW MARTLET EVENTUALLY] PLUS IN GAME THERE'S FLAVOR TEXT ABOUT HIM FLIPPING THROUGH THE ROYAL GUARD HANDBOOK IN HIS MIND. HONESTLY. MARTLET AND AXIS BEING FRIENDS THROUGH SHARING THE SAME INTEREST IS SILLY...

HE'D WANT TO TRAIN HIMSELF TO BECOME A ROYAL GUARD OR AT LEAST A PROTECTOR TO PAYBACK CHUJIN FOR TAKING HIM IN. HE'S GOING TO PROTECT HIS FATHER AND HUMANKIND. IT'S HIS BIGGEST GOAL IN LIFE.

STEAMWORKS STILL EXISTS. ITS JUST CHUJIN HADNT BUILT THE AXIS MODELS IN THIS AU BECAUSE. YOU KNOW.

MAYBE HE SAW POTENTIAL IN HUMAN AXIS, SEEING HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO GROW STRONGER AND PROTECT PEOPLE. CHUJIN WOULD WANT HIM TO HONE HIS SKILLS TO BECOME SOMETHING... BIG.

IN A WAY. AXIS WAS A PEEK INTO WHAT HUMANS COULD BECOME AND WHAT THAT COULD DO FOR HUMAN SOCIETY UNDERGROUND.

MEANWHILE AXIS IS ENAMORED BY STEAMWORKS AND JUST CHUJIN'S WORK IN GENERAL. HE REALLY ADMIRES ROBOTS, HE THINKS ABOUT WHAT ITS LIKE IF HE HAD ROBOTIC MODIFICATIONS.

AND LESS LORE RELEVANT BUT HE ALSO HAS CONNECTIONS TO KANAKO TOO! THEY ARE THE SIBLINGS EVER. THOUGH IVE BEEN WONDERING HOW CEROBA NOT KNOWING AXIS IN STEAMWORKS WOULD WORK. IT'D BE KINDA WEIRD FOR CHUJIN TO KEEP A WHOLE ASS CHILD SECRET FROM HER.

THEYVE PROBABLY SEEN EACH OTHER AND NEVER HAD MUCH SIGNIFICANT

INTERACTIONS FOR THEM TO FULLY REMEMBER EACH OTHER. AXIS SPENDS A MAJORITY OF HIS TIME AT STEAMWORKS OR DOING ROYAL GUARD SHIT, AND WHEN HES NOT DOING THAT HES PROBABLY PLAYING WITH KANAKO [WHEN CEROBA ISNT AROUND]

AND WELL. WE HAD TO GET TO THIS PART EVENTUALLY. ONE DAY A MONSTER MAKES ITS WAY INTO THE UNDERGROUND AND STARTED KILLING PEOPLE. DALV [WHO I ALSO NEED TO DRAW] GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE FRAY WHILE PLAYING WITH KANAKO [AND AXIS TOO]. UPON SEEING HIS FRIENDS GET HURT. SOMETHING CLICKS.

AXIS HAD TRAINED UP TO THIS POINT. THIS WAS HIS MOMENT. HE HAD TO SAVE THE PEOPLE FROM THE THREAT IN FRONT OF THEM. INSTINCTS KICK IN AND HE GOES IN TO FIGHT THE MONSTER WHILE DALV TAKES KANAKO TO SAFETY.

THIS MONSTER WAS TOUGH. HE WAS ALMOST KILLED. BUT HE HAD TO PERSEVERE.

SOMETHING JUST ACTIVATED IN HIS SOUL.

HE FELT A SURGE OF POWER. THE ONLY THING HE KNEW IN THAT MOMENT WAS TO.

GET. RID. OF. THE. THREAT.

IN FRONT OF HIM WAS JUST. A HEADLESS BODY THAT SLOWLY FADED INTO DUST.

THAT... HE DIDNT MEAN TO GO THAT FAR.

SIMILAR TO CLOVER IN GENOCIDE, AXIS HAD RAPIDLY LEVELED UP AND SHOT A POWERFUL ATTACK AT THE MONSTER IN RESPONSE TO ALMOST DYING. HE NEEDED TO KEEP GOING NO MATTER WHAT.

STILL. THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS LAID HEAVY ON HIM.

HE HAD KILLED A LIVING, BREATHING THING.

SOON AFTER CHUJIN WALKED IN ON THE SCENE COMPLETELY HORRIFIED. AXIS, ASHAMED OF WHAT HE HAD DONE RAN TOWARD STEAMWORKS TO ISOLATE HIMSELF, SIMILAR TO DALV.

SURE, HE HAD SAVED PEOPLE FROM THAT MONSTER BUT DID HE HAVE TO BE SO GRUESOME?

CHUJIN RAN AFTER HIM, TRYING TO GET HIM BACK

CHUJIN FINDS HIM AT STEAMWORKS, WALLOWING IN JUST. EVERY EMOTION.

HE TRIES TO COMFORT HIM THOUGH AXIS IS STILL INSISTENT ON NOT GOING OUT.

THE TWO REACHED THE COMPROMISE THAT: AXIS WOULD GUARD AND PROTECT STEAMWORKS AND THAT CHUJIN WOULD CHECK UP ON HIM EVERY NOW AND THEN.

SO THATS WHAT HE DID. HE STAYED AT STEAMWORKS, WATCHING OVER THE PLACE AND ITS ROBOTS FOR….. AGES.

EVENTUALLY CHUJIN'S CHECK UPS GET MORE SPARSE UNTIL JUST. NOTHING.

AXIS NOTICES TOO THAT LESS AND LESS SCIENTISTS ARE PRESENT AT STEAMWORKS. UNTIL THERE IS NO ONE THERE.

WHEN ASKED IF HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE

TOO HE SAID

"NO. MY FATHER AND I HAD REACHED THE AGREEMENT THAT I WOULD STAY AND PATROL THIS AREA, AND THAT I WILL DO." THERE WAS NO CONVINCING HIM TO LEAVE. SO THE OTHERS RELUCTANTLY LEFT HIM BE.

DAY BY DAY HE WATCHES STEAMWORKS FLOOD AND DECAY. WHILE HE STAYS THERE TRYING TO KEEP UP THE AGREEMENT BETWEEN HIS FATHER AND HIMSELF.

NO ONE HAD TOLD HIM.

ONE DAY THOUGH HE FINDS THAT STEAMWORKS SUDDENLY ACTIVATES RIGHT BEFORE SEEING A MONSTER ONCE AGAIN.

OH HE REMEMBERS THE PAST WELL. IN THIS AU IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO GET HIS MEMORY ERASED.

WHILE THE EVENTS PLAY OUT MOSTLY THE SAME COMPARED TO NORMAL UTY.

AXIS SEEMS MORE HESITANT THAN USUAL. AND PROBABLY MONOLOGUING A LITTLE SIMILAR TO WHAT DALV DOES

BEING A HUMAN. HE POSES LESS OF A THREAT ON HIS OWN. HOWEVER. MY GUY SETS UP HOME ALONE TYPE TRAPS N SHIT TO TRY AND CATCH CLOVER INSTEAD [PART OF HIS ROYAL GUARD TRAINING!!.

ONLY RESORTING TO USING "ROBOTIC MODIFICATIONS" HE HAD FOUND WHEN CLOVER REALLY [ticks] HIM OFF.

AND YES. HE STILL GETS A ROBOT SPOUSE IF A PACIFIST PLAYTHROUGH HAPPENS. HUMAN AXIS IS OBJECTUM. ITS REAL.

SO YEAH THAT IS ALL THE THINGS I THINK.

HOLY SHIT THIS THREAD IS LONG. FEW PEOPLE WILL READ THIS I THINK BUT I STILL WANTED TO GET STUPID AU THOUGHTS OUT. UH. YEAH HOPE THAT IS GOOD OR SMTH.. FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS 🥺

[exiledelle]

so ever since i saw undertale yellows merciless route, ive been having a thought about it:

which is also helped by me having had a big interest in undertale aus back in the day dfhjkg

UNDERTALE YELLOW MERCILESS SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

what would happen afterward in that timeline? what happens to the underground after asgore is killed, and theyre shot back to square one?

what would happen if frisk still fell down in that timeline?

so if youll excuse my still-practicing pixel art (i did end up grabbing the hat and pistol off a clover spritesheet on spriters resource though, and the pose and poncho were built off a couple kris sprites), a small sprite edit, and a maybe-meh teen clover design:

for right now im calling this Vengeance AU for a lack of a better name that wouldnt just be [blank]tale or under[blank], with or without a "yellow" attached

also i made clover a teen just to set this version of them apart, plus a blue, starry poncho instead of their usual bandana, and spurs on their boots

(IF ANYONE PICKS THIS AU UP FOR ANTHING, CLOVER AND FRISK (and chara, if included) USE THEY/THEM PRONOUNS!!)

an au where after the events of yellows merciless run, frisk still falls down mt ebott, whether because of clover, or their own reason,

but clover, who once made the climb themself to get vengeance for the other 5 fallen humans, isnt about to let yet another go missing under their watch, and decides to chase after them, and bring them back home. by force, if necessary.

so it ends up with frisks journey through the underground being constantly chased by clover. and while clover doesnt want to intentionally hurt frisk, since their motivation is the "protection" of humankind, it would still no doubt be terrifying for frisk, and clover WILL hurt the monsters.

ruins end up being mostly the same, minus clovers pursuit. toriel, still locked in the ruins, probably wouldnt have heard about asgores death, and would only realize upon seeing clover, grown up, covered in dust, and detached from the world around them.

outside though, things would take a much more bleak turn.

the royal guard is more present after a surge of recruitment, monsters have mostly accepted that theyre stuck down there for eternity, some making the most of it and trying to live happily, others not so much. and when it comes to humans, monsterkind is just a little more on-edge.

papyrus also ends up being recruited, however hes only a lookout/watchman, and not a fully-fledged guardsman, due to undynes biases. she WOULD have preferred he wasnt hired at all, but the guard was desperate, and didnt have many other volunteers

also due to hotlands evacuation at the time, martlets final stand is mostly forgotten, only seen as a rumor with little ground. the only thing people know of is that there was a strange withered flower on the roof of the apartments, but no one thinks anything of it. there is, however, still a lingering resentment in the air around it that makes monsters uneasy, but also weirdly enough, like theres someone watching over all of them

other than that, im not too sure where this au would go, how frisk would end up dealing with clover by the end, or even if frisk would end up in places like the dunes or steamworks, or if theyd stick to roughly the same areas.

i mostly just thought itd be interesting to start to imagine how different things would be, and considering clovers personality and motivations in merciless, i thought itd be interesting if they became an antagonist, following frisk down to drag them back

i might think more on this and add stuff onto it in the future, but for right now this is all there is, but people are free to build on it in their own ways, if they like!! (and/or send an ask and i can TRY to think of an answer, but knowing myself i cant promise anything)

[soo0mi]

🫂 ｡ﾟ⊹ you’ve built a home in my heart — 06. neymar jr #10

:: u got up at 2 am to get some snacks at the convenience store down the street. for your inconvenience, you quietly opened the door to meet a peculiar sight, someone trying to sleep on the floor across the hallway because their roommate has their gf over .. ?

warnings ⚠️ none

word count !! 829 / 0.8k words

incheon, 2:51 pm

knock knock knock — you hurriedly made your way to the door, not wanting riki to wait any longer

“kiki !!!” you quickly greeted him at your door, “really.. a neymar jersey? you literally wanna be me so bad..” you revealed your shirt to him, neymar jr #10

“no, U wanna be ME” he exclaimed “i was waiting for you to change earlier, so im the original here”

“u wanna be like that then, one v one me rn” your cockiness got ahead of you all because you beat minjun, the schools soccer goalee.

to your knowledge, you didn’t know riki was an ace striker, you just knew he was on the team. challenge him to a one v one was one big fucking mistake.

the afternoon sun illuminated the soccer field, casting a golden hue over the green grass. you and riki stood on opposite ends, eyes locked in playful determination. the sound of your laughter and riki’s anticipation filled the air as u prepared to beat the fuck outta him (not rlly)

as the game progressed, you and riki’s connection grew stronger. your movements became synchronized, instincts aligning flawlessly, and, coincidentally, your play styles complimented each other really well. after all, he did coach you how to play

“look over there!” u used the oldest tactic known to man and he STILL fell for it. you took this chance to score a free goal on him. you focused your gaze on the goal, mind set on one thing: scoring. you ran up to the ball and your foot connected with the ball in a powerful strike, its trajectory aimed directly at the goal.

but in an unexpected twist of fate, riki, who was quick to react to your tactic, darted towards the net to intercept the shot. his eyes fixated on the ball, unaware of the collision. the ball hurtled toward riki’s direction.

your heart skipped a beat as you watched the scene unfold agonizingly slow. there was no time to react, no way to alter the aftermath of the play. the ball connected with an audible thud, but instead of finding its intended target, it struck riki’s face

“OHMYFUCKINGGOD” your eyes widened with shock and remorse, quickly making your way towards him, “AREUOKAYIMSOSORRY”

“im okay dw yn, ive had it worse” he comforted you, “its all part of the game”

your expression softened with gratitude, “i fr didnt mean to hit you. i was aiming for the goal, but..”

riki’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he gently patted the top of your head. “next time, maybe just aim a little lower, alr?”

your heart suddenly skipped a beat as riki’s hand gently brushed against your head in a playful gesture. a rush of warmth flooded your cheeks, turning u into a tomato. in that simple act, your composure crumbled, and mind became a whirlwind of emotions. your thoughts stumbled, and words escaped them momentarily as they grappled with the unexpected fluster that coursed through their veins. “o..okay..” it was a tender touch that ignited a storm of fluttering butterflies, leaving you breathless and utterly captivated by the presence of riki

the game resumed but the soccer field had transformed into a backdrop for something much greater — an awakening of emotions and a journey of self-discovery.

with each passing minute, the world around you faded into the background. the field became your sanctuary, where the only thing that mattered was the beating of your heart and the person in front of you. the shared moments, the shared laughter — the bond that extended beyond the field

as you two played, your eyes wandered to riki’s face, captivated by the way his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm and determination etched across his face. the intensity of the game mirrored the intensity of your newfound love, planting seeds of something more profound within your heart

in one core moment, you dribbled the ball towards the goal as riki charged forward, attempting to intercept. your eyes met, time stood still as you saw riki in a new light. it was in that moment that your heart fluttered intensely, a sudden realization dawning upon you, your feelings for riki had grown beyond friendship

6:44 pm

as the sun began to set, you and riki met in the middle (y dont u js meet me in the middle 🔥😭), your chests rising and falling with exertion

u locked eyes with riki and the air between you shifted with unspoken words. your heart pounded in your chest as you struggled to find the courage to voice your ‘good games’

“good game, kiki” you stuttered, “too bad i won eight to two”

“ggs ynnie, and u DEFINITELY won that”

yn..nie? what a cutie..

little did you know that that single game of soccer had set the stage for something new — an exploration of your emotions and a path towards a love that could intertwine your life in beautiful and unexpected ways

riki plz read minjuns comment and dont mjsread the situation 😂🔥

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taglist (open) !! @aernx @namelesssuser @alicesolengg @woon2u @wonsc4tz

[mousesquared]

Hi! How did you realize you were aplspec? I'm questioning myself and am having such a hard time figuring it out lol...

(disclaimer that all of this is my personal experience and i dont speak for all aplspec people) oh also im gonna be saying i/me but this realization was a mix of mouses and mine (toby)

prepare for a long one cause i like to talk a lot i guess

i think it kinda hit me when i really thought about platonic attraction. im aroace and so dont experience romantic or sexual attraction and so thinking of a platonic version of that was a bit confusing. there were only a couple people i could remember feeling a pull towards to either be their friend or be closer as friends. with other friends it just kind of happened? they were someone i talked to about similar interests or in groups with mutual friends and a friendship just happened because of that. i didnt have a goal or pull to specifcally to try and get closer to them, it just happened because of where we hung around.

i know not all alloplatonic friendships are built on an urge to be friends or closer friends, but i do think my experience of it is in an aplatonic(spec) way. there is also the part where i dont specifcally have an urge to need close friends. i of course enjoy it when i do. but when i realized i was aplspec i only had like 2 past friends that i still occasionally texted but we were super distant. i didnt really miss an emotional bond with someone, i just wanted to talk to people. i was lonely in the sense that all my thoughts were having to be kept inside by head with no way out. and when i seeked out a place to talk about them, thats where friendships formed. i didnt join that community in order to get close friends, i just wanted discussion.

most of the time when it comes to friends, i am seeking the activity, the action, the nonloneliness. it is nice to have people fufilling that with me that i like! but with friends i have a really hard time gauging steps in relationships. i have been known to either talk to someone for a very short time and all of a sudden regard us as very close and i have been known to talk to someone and be friends with them for years, and then not consider them as close as they consider me. the latter isnt usually about me not liking them as much as others, i just dont realize how they view our friendship and have trouble gauging that kind of stuff for myself. i think that comes from just having trouble gauging how people see me in general. personally i think thats an autism thing but it affects my aplatonicism so its also an aplatonic thing!

i also think that i view friendship as like a complete separate step than just talking to someone a lot. that may seem like a contradictory thing to what ive said before. but the fact that i seek talking to people and interacting with others, thats why i was ok with not really having friends for a stretch of time. struggling with gauging friendship makes me see friendship as something that has to be kind of barrier you eventually cross instead of it just building up. i often dont realize when we cross that barrier and of course the other person doesnt feel the need to express it because we are already friends in their eyes. i am often hit with the "oh i guess we are friends now" thought. even with the few people i have felt platonic attraction to.

so TLDR: i realized platonic attraction is actually a thing, and most of the time i dont have an actual pull to be friends/closer with people. i dont usually seek the companionship of friends, usually just the sociable & activity doing aspect. i care about my friends but i dont view my care for them as a platonic attraction. i also have trouble gauging relationship levels with people and often dont realize we are friends until they say something or i realize im spending a lot of my time with them. (reminder that im aplspec, not 100% aplatonic too!)

[jemmo]

so i finally watched the utsukushii kare eternal movie properly. yes, i had technically already watched it bc i watched a random version that was uploaded somewhere with the most confusing subtitles, but i wanted to reserve my thoughts until i'd watched it properly with better subs so i was sure i had the gist of what they wanted to say for this final entry to the series. and fair warning, there is nothing unbiased about this; i adored it. i had big, fat tears running down my face by the end and had to curl up into a ball and cry for a while just to grieve the fact that we'll never be back in hira and kiyoi's world again, but i'm ok with that. i think of all the bls ive watched that have gone beyond a single season run, this is the one im the most ok parting from, bc its the show that has put in the best, most thoughtful work to leave these characters in a place where they have grown tremendously and gone through a lot, yet still have so much more ahead, and we are left with the overwhelming feeling of security by the end, that whatever comes, they are now equipped to face it. its a show that had me in the first season, and left me with that lingering feeling that this happy ending cant be it bc we still have so much unaddressed, and of all the bls that have picked up a second season after leaving me with that feeling, this one, above all else, actually had the bravery to confront those deeper, finer points of the dynamic they built, and show that there's still so much work that has to be put in after two people get together. you have to learn what you are as a partnership, how to communicate and how to be heard, and what that looks like, how you match and find balance and understand each other. the second season did that, and the movie managed to run with that vibe whilst giving us a much more thorough idea of what hira and kiyoi are outside of their relationship with each other, and how as a partnership they fit in to the people that surround them. they manage to create such a wonderful supporting cast, and i'd be saying the same if the only new person they introduced was noguchi, bc he is exactly what hira needed in this story and its such a pleasure to see him have this interesting dynamic with someone other that kiyoi, and whats more someone that sees him for all that he is. he gives both support and challenge in equal measure and its incredible. and while this show has always tended to center around hira, what i absolutely love is that at the end, when theyre in the school flashing between the past and the present, i just kept thinking of kiyoi, that cool kid that walked in day one, and we had no idea what was going through his head, we didnt know the profound loneliness and isolation he felt whilst be surrounded and adored constantly, and how finally, in that moment where hira said he liked him, after seeing and knowing every facet of him, that kid got everything he wanted. bc all that he has wanted all along is for the person he likes to like him back. its the most simple, school boy thing to want, and finally he has it.

and what i have always found the most beautiful about this show, and ive found it with other jbls but this one is the one to beat them all, is that its committed to showing love in an un-beautiful way. its kind of ironic, seen as the show is called my beautiful man and is all about beauty, but compared to other bls where the idea of love is smoothed over and made to look nice and pretty and simple, that normal idea of what love is, this show has two people who are madly in love and committed to each other, and never once has the show ever felt the need to make that love look pretty. one guy is insanely obsessive and the other is brash and rude and yet their love is beautiful bc the show takes all the time it can to make you understand that just bc the love is not expressed or communicated in the normal way you expect it to be, it doesnt mean it isnt love. bc love is about understanding and knowing that person more than anyone else and loving that person you find, and this whole film is hira going on a journey to realise that he does in fact love kiyoi bc he wants to know him more than anyone else. and i think its kind of incredible to show that kind of selfish behaviour as something beautiful when its what both people want, bc while hira has always believed his want is selfish, in owning his selfishness, he's showing kiyoi that he has not just that much love for him, but that much self-confidence to own it and commit to it and take it. is just like what hira says to shitara, that you cross the line when impose your wants and opinions and expectations onto someone else. but all that hira wants, he's not imposing that on kiyoi, bc its what he wants too, and thats why such seemingly unhealthy behaviour is actually so healthy and beautiful, bc is the pinacle of understanding mixed with the absolute joy and magic of finding that one person that matches you exactly. hira and kiyoi really are just that dream idea of a relationship that is being made for each other bc theyve worked to make it so, they commit to being fated, and its all wrapped up in the most chaotic dynamic. tldr; this show means more to me than i can say and i had to write a love letter to it one final time.

[idealspawn]

ive been away from tumblr for such a long time, afraid it would trigger me. ive been doing so well:) i moved to another city. back to where i lived for a year, a year prior to this one. i was able to join a programme that enables me to study in this university again for a year as like an exchange student(?)-ish thing. it feels amazing. ive reconnected with two(three-ish?) extremely dear people to me and ive found my love for knowledge again. my apartment is so nice too. i live near a train station but i can barely hear anything, and if i do, the sounds are actually comforting. i used to dislike trains, they made me anxious but starting this summer i grew to love them and now i regularly even prefer them. i live on the top floor so my ceiling and walls are slanted but it brings me such comfort, my room in my parents' house also has it like that. i have a second floor, well half of it. there is a built-in ladder staircase. it feels extremely comforting. ive had to fix, and still have to fix, many things here bc its a relatively cheap apartment but im fine with that. it actually makes me feel more at home when i can work on the apartment and make it my own. it feels more like home when everything isnt perfect either. the washing machine was disgustingly dirty and the air ventilation thing above the stove is also so fucking nasty but ill deal w it.. not my first time renting an apartment...... .. .. . the emotional aspects of this place are way more important. ive adopted plants too this time around. and a lot more intentionally, ive made in-depth sheets on how to properly care for them. i speak to them and kiss them every day. i know i will buy at leasr one more plant. so far i have an aloe vera plant, alocasia zebrina(MY DEAREST but also the most needy), a chinese money plant and an ivy. i want another ivy but a diff one. right now i have the one called wonder, it looks very friendly, very round. i didnt intend to get this one but they got my order wrong but i didnt have the heart to exchange it so i will just keep it and buy the other ivy as a friend to it. i am so fond of the one that has, i cant seem to find its proper name, but the one that has extremely slim and elongated and really sharp star-like leaves. i figured maybe the two contrasting ivy plants would even look better together than just one. so maybe the wrong order was a blessing in disguise. im using plants to learn unconditional love and acceptance because my family definitely didnt provide me with that skill.. :d.. did the same with my childhood cat, thats why she was so extremely dear to me. when noone else in my family loved me unconditionally, she did:). ive been really motivated to study and read a lot of my own extracurricular stuff too. ive gone to really interesting tours and public programmes about nature and culture and society. ive actually enjoyed being on my own and had the balls to show up to places alone, i used to never be able to do that. i always had to have someone with me but its really limiting as many people around me right now have colliding interests. im also so insanely proud of myself for speaking up in a seminar!!!!!! u have no idea. NO IDEA how hard that has been for me. to realize my insight has value and should take up time and space in a seminar. ive always come so close to speaking but then my heart has raced out of my chest and then the moment passed. but this time i actually spoke up, i took the initiative and i didnt only speak abt the strict topic that our seminar text provided for that time but i brought up my individual reading!! and a girl in the seminar told me i spoke well!!(i didnt, god i was so nervous i stumbled upon my words so much and avoided all eye contact) AND ALSO the professor leading the seminar told me my answer was good too :) im so happy. im growing so much.

[bastardrobocop]

not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

[junkartie]

I'm hearing 2 opinions on Erdogan and idk I wanted to ask you bcs I got both of them from non-natives. So the first says that he IS a good president, there is just too many outside factors trying to bring him down. And the second told me that he WAS a good a help for the country until he decided to care about some other things (colonisation ?) which eventually led to the current downfall. Maybe both are right or both are wrong, what do you think?

(can you tell I love political discussions because I don't I'm just really invested cause you're one of my fav blogs hehe)

Non natives love to defend Erdo which is why us Turks have a whole term for them. Most of it however DOES stem from the second option being true.

Erdogan was in fact a very good leader in his first few years of power, now my family personally never liked him, he technically was in power on the sidelines for 10 years until he became president 10 yrs go. He did many things like make hospitals and healthcare way more accessible, fixed a lot of roads and built bridges etc. Now you may go “jay, isnt that what a normal president is supposed to do ?” Well, yes. But the guy before him didnt do a whole lot, so him doing his literal job was enough to convince people he was good enough to keep around.

As time went on he started to take a way harsher approach. Slowly but surely the price and tax on everything went up. Religion started to be the hottest topic in turkey despite us being a secular country on paper.Slowly festivals became too loud, protests were bothersome, pride parades were sinful, gays werent considered people, music after 12 wasnt allowed, Eurovision was something too embarrassing for our country to take place in, alcohol was a luxury that only the desperate & sinful tried to buy, women were not obedient enough, the legal age to get married was too high, sex before marriage became a big topic, rapists and murderers would walk freely, femicide got to a brand new high and a whole lot more.

This all happened slowly and gradually. By the time we thought to speak up on any of this the i-don’t-even know, 60% yearly inflation rate had worn us down. A dollar was no longer 2.5 TL, it was close to 25. Nothing could be bought with minimum wage. Whatever you bought, you bought a second one for the govt in tax (a phone here costs twice the price of one in america). People who vote for him mostly do so because all media outlets are heavily censored and totally in his favor. He has control of literally everything. Literally!! He hosted a referendum where he legally was given so much power that he can change whatever he wants on a whim. He will confidently lie out of his teeth and tell his supporters that the reason everything is so expensive is because of his opposition (who have virtually no power) + its fine because even if we’re poor we’re closer to god and his supporters eat it up because they have some fucked up parasocial relationship with him.

Right now we’re screwed beyond belief. The election was rigged in his favor but despite everything he either wasnt able to end it on the first round or intentionally didnt so he could win by a higher margin on the next round. The house is fucked, the opposition lost a ton of seats to highly religious islamic fanatics who straight up advocate for sharia law. That and the president literally had an alliance with a terrorist organization who want 15 year olds to get married, theyre also in the house. Its great.

Now we wait for the 28th, but its going to take a miracle for Erdogan to lose. I have virtually 0 hope at this point. One thing is foreigners defending him, but any turk who does so deserve everything they get. I truly hope anyone who voted for him suffer a fate worse than death (at this rate, they will). It may sound harsh, but ive seen no one in power except for this absolute sorry of an excuse, cunt of a man. My teens and childhood was wasted away with terrorist attacks and a staged coup, along with a power hungry man who made every walking day of my life worse than what it could have been.

Basically, wish us the best of luck i guess lol.

[myrfing]

6.4 msq spoiler thread

YES! YES....ZERO GOURD FEAST BEASTS

i need this buff PERMANENTLY

EW

ESTINIEN

MAN WHAT

HURLING

DIDNT NEED TO SEE THAT

ZERO LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

yshtola is so good at indirectly cheering people up in that shrewd old lady way. not that she's old just well matoya

I like how they put pen and paper in estinien's room like he's literate

dragons are always wanting to pop out their eyeballs

erenville are you...? the golled more...? can i go with you..

can we kiss

god he appeared on screen and SORRY vrtra but i need him to continue and tell me about his life and I need to go with him

now they're blueballing us about a mysterious letter

i like how zero's just been there like well I guess you know everybody on earth then

margrat. i need more of her bizarre behaviors

i forgort

thancred calling it "social struggles" YOU GUYS ARE MAKING THIS AWKWARD FOR ZEROOOO

these drake ass polar bears

the aetherfont is sooo gorgeous also I forgot my codex broke and nearly let thancred die. long time since ive healed a trust party as well but we go slow smell the ice bears

oh my god :U

thancred: just stick stay close to this one

gourd: slowly turning head with his o_o frontal bird face

they just let thancred tag along just beacause. not to be mean but we could also just meet new people

U Guys Are Leaving Gourd OUt of the Conversation Hinting At Something Happening To Come What The Hell So He Doesn't Get Alone Time And You Guys Are Getting Jobs Without Him Anyway

zero voice Idgaf about that

can the garleans get over their magic fear already you live in a world where there are glowing horses

damn that's crazy

msq is always very strangely gentle and thorough relative to others when it comes to dealing with garlean trauma or maybe thats just my hater lens. anyway the whole they are bigoted and small minded because they'd been hurt stuff is getting old and it's kind of crazy how this hurt people hurt people stuff is the limit here

trust me i dont really want 2

a weird bit about the whole garlemald thing is the bizarre angelic benevolence of the ilsabard contingent. not ONE person has been like you know you guys spent the past half century fucking up the entire world and you still demand respect for your gay ass tower because the imperial family sat their asses in it. anyway i have problems with the whole we're actually a totally 100% saintlike patience goodhearted pure intentioned foreign aid group thing We Have To Save The People Of Garlemald on the side of the alliance since the start but whatever

warmachina.

i dont want the thank you from this man LMFAO

zerooo 8[ also so much of what zero recounts explains. Cylva.

aw that's true jullus

LMFAOOOOO THEYRE MAKING THE WOL THINK OF ZENOS BECAUSE OF THIS CONVO? gourd did NOT trust that man unless you mean trust him to be awful. and what did zenos trust in the wol that he'd fight him eventually? I GUESS? MAYBE THEY MEANT HE WANTED TO TRUST US BUT I ALSO DO NOT CARE?

we're not friends just because someone calls you their friend 29083902 times 💀 i think that dude barely had a concept of gourd as a human being with his own life

an act of trade also can be an act of charity. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN THEIR POLITICAL WRITING IS SOMETIMES SO.....garlemald is still absolutely at the alliance's mercy + they still obviously believe in right by might re: that one line from the old dudes so there's no reason for them to not be cognizant of the fact we can just take by force and doesn't handle the hanging But Why Aren't They? question at all. this was a pity deal and everyone's like friendship and hope <3. im not saying goodwill and sincerity cannot exist between groups but this requires a sense of solidarity that we do NOT have with garlemald considering we still have to step entirely around the subject of their imperial affairs

you see as a nation they're not equals. they're the languishing half dead scattering remnant of an empire that built its wealth and prosperity for a time on war, theft, and enslavement of the rest of the world and radz and the alliance absolutely could just turn the tables and invade and probably just wipe out everyone here without breaking a sweat. of course that's abhorrent but it's crazy that THIS particular pain even the mere thought of it is made to not exist while the garleans get to be complicated about it. they want to keep their national name and pride with none of the consequences and we don't even demand that as if a nation is sacred and untouchable even after everything. I don't get it bro

i like the way varshahn says wyrm

THE LITTLE SQUICH SOUND WHEN I TAKE HER EYE?

glitter guy....

[nerves-nebula]

i frequently and somewhat randomly remember mundane parts of my childhood, mostly the ones where my parents arent directly watching over me.

i built a boat of leaves mud and sticks and floated it in the water that pools at the edges of the road and the start of the sidewalk. i did play with a lot of other kids for a few years. tag and other stupid games. but i abruptly stopped at the age of eleven, i think. there were more fireflies. i used to like going outside and inspecting rocks and bugs and things, hitting things with sticks. i used to be ok with picking up worms and slugs- i love slugs so much i wanted them as pets, the slime didnt bother me back then, i really don't know what changed. i have a few ideas but none of them are solid.

there was only ever one kid who i really clicked with, who really felt like he could be my friend, but that ended quickly because apparently he had a crush on me, and his brother wouldn't stop pestering me to date him. and anyway they lived a few blocks away so we didnt see each other as much as i saw the rest of the group.

i remember arguing about how to play monopoly in my brothers friends basement for hours on end. i don't remember if we ever did actually play it.

there was only one girl who would play with me alone. but im pretty sure she didn't like me that much, i think she pitied me, and it was embarrassing for both of us but she was the only one who bothered. i used to have a bike, and i loved it, and i outgrew it. i used to like being outside.

i know i was always anxious and frequently sad or bored to tears, but something changed a while back. some time around puberty. im trying not to romanticize the past or w/e because i know it wasn't very good, but something that'd been festering in me ate me from the inside out and i dont think ive ever been happy, or rather peaceful, since then.

i dont think it was trans stuff, though that didn't help, because im transitioning now and my face is still absolutely nothing.

partially i think this was inevitable. i dont think that my anxiety was necessarily LESS when i was younger, it just hadn't fully matured. I think it was always waiting, ramping up, and i wasn't happy then, i was just excited to explore in a way that I don't think I'll ever be again.

I remember, when i still hung out with other kids, asking the others if they ever looked in the mirror and didn't think their face was their face. Like, they knew it was their face, but it wasn't right. it didn't look like them. this was when i was maybe 8-10 years old. i don't know for sure. but clearly whatever this is has been with me for a long time.

so a part of me cant help but think it was just born this way and i should just die this way as well. my parents made me with malicious intent or something, and that seedling sprouted and there was no other way it ever could have ended.

[voregeoise]

Sailor's Savior's Snack

Just a heads up, this is not the big project ive been mentioning. That's gonna be on the back burner for a long while. But enjoy some sea snake Naga brainrot in the meantime.

A warming, our prey does feel pretty hopeless in their situation before they meet our pred. So, beware.

----------

He stared in shock at the drift wood that used to be his pride and joy. The boat he had built himself, shattered so fast. He hadn't even had time to see what had done it. Whether it was an accidental crash, or something wrecking his boat, he didn't know. Nor did it really matter, he just clung on to a chunk of his boat for dear life.

Hours passed, the sun slowly made its way across the sky. As he drifted, a dreadful thought passed his mind. He was alone, exhausted, cold and treading water. No one knew where he was. He was utterly stranded.

He was going to die here.

Cold, alone and scared. A feeling of hopelessness descended on him. The realization that the chances of someone finding him were slim to none.

As the day continued he grew more and more exhausted, more and more resigned to his fate. As the sun set he made sure to appreciate it. It would in all likelihood be his last. Once darkness descended he felt the water grow chilled. He desperately tried to stay awake, he needed to stay up or else he'd drown. He knew it was unlikely he'd survive to the morning, but he didn't want to die. Not yet, not yet, just a few more precious minutes of life.

As he felt his eyelids grow heavy, he felt something brush up against his leg. He felt fear creep into his mind. He tried to look into the water and see what touched him, but the dark, murky sea hid it. There as a few nerve racking minutes as he waited for the thing to show itself. Eventually, it did.

A colossal sea serpent emerged from the sea, in the moonlight it's blue scales shone, and it's grey eyes seemed to glow. But there was something odd about it, the serpent was a naga. He'd never heard of a naga that lived in the ocean, let alone one so large. It's stare didn't calm his nerves. After a few long seconds it spoke.

"And what do I have here? How long have you been treading water alone?"

Something about its tone was.... unnerving. But he replied anyways.

"M-My boat... i-it got wrecked and-"

"I assume that piece of wood you're clinging to is what's left of your boat?"

"Y-Yes..."

"Well would you like some help my little prey?"

"Oh thank God! Yes ple- wait... p-prey? Did i-i hear y-you r-right? P-Prey?"

"You heard me correctly, now, let me help."

"N-No! NO! Wait! A-Are y-you going to e-eat me?"

"Of course! Why would I not enjoy a delectable little morsel like you?"

"W-wait! P-please!"

"Aww, don't you worry my friend! I'll be kind."

"N-No! I dont wanna die like this!"

The serpent paused for a moment before speaking again. "I think you misunderstood me. I'm merely trying to help, I'm going to eat you, not kill you."

"H-Help? How? Y-You're going to kill me!"

"Oh settle down, you. Im going to help you. Whether or not you trust me. You'll be safe, I can promise you."

"But I'll die?"

"No you won't. My friend I offer you a warm and cozy place to rest and you accuse me of wanting to murder you? Is this how you treat all those offering aid?"

"I-In your stomach?! You ARE trying to murder me! Get away you fucking freak!"

"I'd like you to try and make me, little prey. I'm not one to leave a sweet little thing like you to die. I'd much rather keep you in a safer, more... filling place."

"N-No! Please! Not like this!"

The serpent reached a hand under him and scooped him out of the water. The serpent used its other hand to take away his little piece of driftwood and tossed it into the water. He was too exhausted and cold to struggle. He didnt have the energy to run. His fate was left in the hands of this predator.

"Look, if you're really that scared, I can give you a minute to calm down and prove myself. How does that sound my little friend?"

"Please... I'm cold... and tired... I don't want to die... I'm scared... don't hurt me..."

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I'll heat you up, just trust me." It replied in a softer tone.

He turned up towards the nagas face. The snake had an almost comforting expression on it's face. It raised its hand up to its maw. The naga slowly parted it's jaws, he braced for the serpent to toss him down it's throat. But it never did. It merely tilted it's hand up slowly, letting him slide into its mouth. He didn't struggle, he didn't have the strength. He simply covered his eyes, and accepted fate.

He felt him drop into its maw. He waited for the serpent to swallow him down. He waited, and waited, and waited. But it never came, he didn't really feel the serpent move him at all. He only noticed the nagas forked toungue occasionally brush against him. After a few long minutes, he worked up the courage to open his eyes. He looked around and... He was fine? It's was wet and slick, but seemingly safe and warm for now. The snake hadn't even shut it's mouth. He used the little of his strength left to sit himself up. Only a few moments after he did, the serpent spoke up in a comforting tone.

"See? You're safe."

It's was odd to be inside someone's maw as they spoke, but the serpent stayed rather quiet, speaking as softly as it could manage.

"I... I'm fine?"

"Yes you are my little prey. Do you feel any better? Are you still cold?"

"I... guess... what are you.... going to do now?"

"Once you're feeling safe, I'll gulp you down so both of us can get some rest."

"I... but won't I get... digested? I'll end up in your stomach, won't I?"

"No, you won't find any acids down there. You'll end up in my storage stomach, safe for you to be."

"I... how can I trust you?"

"If I wanted to hurt you, why wouldn't I gulp you down now? Nothing's stopping me. You're in my mouth, tired, trapped and at my mercy. If I really wanted to do such a thing, why would I be trying to comfort you?"

"W-will I be able to leave?"

"I'll gag you up once we get to shore. I promise."

"Do I have a choice?"

"No, neither of us do. I need to keep you safe and... my gut is the best option. Nothing will be able to even touch you there, well, except for me."

As the serpent finished it's sentence he watched as the lips around him curreled into a slight smile.

"I... I'm not... I don't..."

"Its alright, take your time to get comfortable with the idea of being in serpents stomach. I'd rather you go down willingly in this, and it will be better for you too."

"How... how are you talking right now? I'm in... your mouth... yet you talk like normal."

"Practice my dear friend, you are far from the first person to be in your position. I've held conversations much longer then this one with people in my maw."

"Y-You've done this before?"

"Of course! Countless times! However... would you like to know something?"

"What's that?"

"Out of everyone I've ever tasted, you by far have the best flavor. Most have barely and flavor at all! And those that do have such sad and mild tastes. But you... you... You're just delectable. You're very sweet, a little umami too. I hope you don't mind me savoring you, it's not often I have something as good as you, my friend..."

He wasn't quite sure what to make of this information.

"I... thank you? I guess?"

"Honestly, if you decide to spend a little longer in my maw to prepare yourself, I wouldn't mind. I can afford to wait a little longer."

"I'll... I'll think about it..."

The snake didn't respond after that. It just sat there, with its toungue slowly moving over him. Tasting him. And himself? He just sat there too. Trying to calm down and brace for what would soon come. Being able to turn around and peer down the murky darkness of its throat didn't fill him with confidence. After a few minutes, the serpent piped up again.

"Well? Are you ready my little prey? I've had my fun for now, and I think it's time for the main course."

"I... umm... maybe..."

"Its okay if not, I'll give you a few more minutes to prepare, should you desire of course."

He wasn't ready. He couldn't be ready. He was about to be eaten alive. He was nervous, scared and exhausted. He thought he might be able to trust the snake, but still. He didn't want to be eaten. Not that he had a choice. He knew a few more minute sitting in its mouth wouldn't calm him down, so he decided to just get it over with.

"I'm... about as ready as I ever could be... just... will this hurt?"

"No, it shouldn't hurt."

"S-Shouldn't? I-It might?"

"It will be very tight for about a minute, but if you just lay down or currel up, it won't be so bad. Just be careful."

He slowly laid down on the floor of its maw and curreled up into a loose ball. Light in its mouth grew dimmer and dimmer as the snake closed its jaws. His breathing grew shaky and an anxious feeling appeared in the back of his mind. Gravity shifted as the serpent began to tilt it's head back. As it tilted it's head back further and further he started slowly sliding back. He felt his heart pound as he started moving. After a second, the snake swallowed.

*glik*

He was forced into a tight space. The muscles around him pushed him down. It was hard to breathe. There was no room. He was trapped by the slick wet walls of its gullet. Adrenaline kicked in. He tried to struggle, he pushed against its esophagus. He had barely been in here for a few seconds, and he was already panicking. But a few seconds later, he felt an extra pressure appear. It came from one spot and followed him down. It was the serpent, using a hand to feel him. It was a gentle touch, almost soothing. He stopped struggling and his breathing calmed. His touch followed him for another minute. After that, he dropped into a chamber. He had reached its stomach and... He was fine? He felt fine. All around him he felt the naga give a content exhale.

"Ahhh, I hope that wasn't too uncomfortable for you in there. You started struggling after a bit, you had me a little worried."

"I-I'm... okay... God... y-you ate... me.... I-Im going to be safe... Right? Y-You promised!"

"Oh of course my dear prey. You're safe."

He took a deep breath to calm his mind. He was safe. He propped himself up against the stomach walls. It wasn't... all that bad here. Like being in the snakes maw. It was soft and squishy, a comfortable place. The warm air was a welcome change from the chilled sea air. He could hear the snake breathe, all around him the walls slowly moved, providing a soothing massage like feeling.

"This... this isn't so bad..."

"Awww, thank you. I'm glad to hear it."

"So... now what?"

"Rest up, friend. You're exhausted. Take the time to rest in my stomach, it's comfortable in there. From what I've heard."

"Can I... sleep here? Is that... safe?"

"Of course, I'll keep you safe."

"I... okay..."

"Have a restful sleep my little prey..."

He slowly shut his eyes, letting his exhaustion win. Almost immediately, he drifted into a deep slumber.

----(Transition to preds pov)----

As the serpent felt it's prey fall asleep, they gently placed a hand on their gut. Despite his size, he was a rather filling person. One of the better prey they'd ever had. They wondered if they might be able to convince him to return every now and then, they'd never had the same prey more then once. But they could wait to ask that question. Now was the time to enjoy the moment.

The snake let itself sink into the sea. It shut it's eyes and focused on taking in all the sensations coming from its gut. After a few minutes the naga gently landed on the sea floor. The feeling in its stomach was soothing, comforting. A feeling of sleepiness descended upon it too. And the serpent let it. Drifting off, like the man in its gut.

[angabby-zzz]

Something something requested post about gabby

Ive like talked a little about stuff related 2 her identity problems ☝️ ✌️ and everything but like. vague hand motions heres the whole thing:;;;

Tbh im not sure where it started but to me its a mix of her ties to dionysus being expression and emotions and me just projecting onto her. her powers are focused on influencing others and manipulating things rather than just nature or art so shes like. full of chaos. not even in a silly personality trait way its literally just built into her. thats what her powers are. chaos and change. thats what she embodies. [which contrasts angels motif of calmness and cowardice and brings a cool balance to their relationship]

so obviously that and having bipolar disorder can make things messy sometimes and she struggles with truly being happy with her friendships. which is bad on its own but these also make her really cling to predictability and the idea of being in control (most obvious ex. is taking the role of leader during the quest for herself and planning out everything they do) which like. is related to the uncertainty she feels towards herself and her future cuz shes like getting closer to being an adult [and also the age lots of demigods dont make it very far past but she hasnt had to worry much about that until now] but really isnt ready to do that nor does she have any real passion for any job or thing related to it. shes just focused on finishing highschool and then she’ll have to worry about that. which she hated cuz yk. Mentioned stuff.

so basically its lots of Wow this is a lot of emotions about stuff with me in it. But who am i even. What is my purpose what am i supposed to do. Why is the world like this i dont want to do adult things. I dont even know what those adult things are or how they work.

i wanna say there were some v small thoughts about this pre-demigod stuff happening [mostly just about if people like her or not or how tf to make friends rather than everything else] and it just like got 10x worse once they did start cuz it like ruined what good she had goin. duh

and going with the linked post where i apologize to gabby she also has the dumbest smart person in the room problem where yes she Is very smart and good at problem solving and fighting but she also feels like shes not very useful or impressive when in certain groups [like how angel and jade have more knowledge about greek myths and nature than her] so its like. Hm is she really all that if she can only shine when surrounded by people less competent than she. also the guilt mentioned in said post is like related to this too cuz she wants to look cool and be inteligent and awesome yet also could come off as stuck up or a showoff or something cuz of how much she wants to be looked up to by others and be complimented

i think the last thing i have to say about it is how she does a lot of avoiding like. as a coping thing. like 2 examples i have so far for p1 would be the whole forced quest thing as an excuse to leave camp and not deal with violet or jack or anyone else who could bring up the fight and then the breakdown talk with angel (though its less avoiding and more finally snapping from all the pushing away) … and like maybe the bedrotting on their first summer there could count since she didnt wanna go out and see her dad or engage in any camp things but idk. maybe the thing w her stepdad too

Anyway yeah this post took forever cuz i was working on it on and off lollll sorry been busy (so obv disclaimer sorry if it sounds weird cuz i kind of just continued my thoughts between hour long pauses. im not rereading my lore posts bro thats what ive got notes and memorized info for….)

[8000000cherries]

i think i just dont feel safe or secure w either of the guys im talking to and its my fault i think. guy 1 it's mostly because it's long distance so i see him like once or twice every couple of months but weve talked since july but we dont even text that often anymore but we call like twice a week or smthn like that and i like talking to him it's just not enough and i feel like something is lacking or like it's not indepth enough even tho i know i hold myself back a lot but i just dont feel comfortable expressing affection to him even tho it's what i want ig thats the only thing i miss abt my ex is we would say i love u to each other pretty often and i didnt feel awkward saying it but yeah.. i dont think im inlove w him tho but idk i just like him a lot and i think he knows it we would say it more in the summer but i wish i could say it more but i feel like i cant until he says it first i guess. but also i knew it wasnt going anywhere cuz he lives across the country and i only see him when he comes home to visit his family so any time hes back hes gonna prioritize seeing his family and friends which is understandable i cant expect a committed relationship from him but i just like him a lot and we get along well and he makes me laugh so hard but i think i built him up in my head for soo long. guy 2 i think is leading me onnnn but ive had a crush on him for like 2 years and we were friends before and i told him i liked him but dont trust him and it made him cry but he said he cares alot about me but never said he likes me back so it makes me insecure lol lmao. it feels like we're dating but also he isnt super affectionate or anything when we're in public and i think thats fine but i think if i were to be in a relationship w someone i would like some small forms of affection but also i think im self sabotaging and wont let myself be forward w him or tell him what i want whcih is my fault i think . but also why do i have to be the one that brings up the convo.. like about exclusivity and intentions and what not.sooo dumb. i guess i thought it would be like a fwb situation and i didnt wanna get my hopes up but i did so its dumb of me. he definitely is talking to other ppl i dont blame him we arent exclusive. dont even really know what we are. i want a relationship but i just dont know hes the right person for me i have that feeling in my gut but my brain tells me nothing is wrong and its fine and i still wanna talk to him and miss him. just have a feeling he doesnt really want me and he'll fuck me over. i wish things werent so complicated and i wanna communicate better and wish i knew how i felt really and how to not be scared of everything. i dont think im ready to love but i so want it and probably from the wrong people.

[jemmo]

ok. here’s some of my immediate, rambly reactions to eps 3 and 4 of t8s.

first off, i was kinda nervous the entire day. it’s been a while since ive had butterflies like this waiting for a show to air, most recently was the second season of utsukushii kare, but the level it was today was rivalling waiting on a friday for a new bad buddy ep. and the fact this show managed to put me into that state within less than a week is frankly insane, and shows just how down bad i am for it. all that to say, i so soooooo didnt this want this to be a case of me overinflating how good those first 2 eps only for the follow up to not encapsulate the same feelings. all signs were pointing to that not being the case, but still, when you hyperfixate, you kinda get nervous hoping that thing lives up to everything youve built it up to be. and these eps absolutely did that. they didnt just live up to expectations, but are managing to give me scenes and story beats and emotions i just cant predict at this point, and i love that. just how like this budding relationship feels new and unpredictable to jihyun and jaewon, the show is like that for me to watch, and it does wonders for giving me the same butterflies the two are feeling.

but with that unpredictability comes a kind of uncertainty, not knowing whats gonna happen at any turn, and i cant express how much i adore that about these two eps. with the kind of story theyre building, with jaewon’s mental health struggles and his past, with jihyuns nerves and growth in an unfamiliar environment, itd be so easy to make their relationship a shared place of comfort and certainty and familiarity for each other. that place of refuge. and while i feel like that’s what it’ll eventually become, i love that still, in these early stages, the relationship feels so uncertain and almost not guaranteed. it makes you still hang onto every look and touch and word even though theyve already kissed. something about it doesnt feel pre-determined, which is a feeling i get with so many other bl’s when you know, a majority of the time, they’ll get together and have a happy ending. that doesnt feel guaranteed here (even though i pray for that to be the case). instead, it feels like im watching two individuals that are actually having to make a conscious effort in order for this relationship to become something. they have to work for that certainty. and that kind of knife’s edge, it could break at any moment, hanging on every interaction is packed with that specific kind of nervous exhilaration that is so fucking accurate and true to the start of relationship. i seriously cant describe how perfectly they managed to encapsulate that feeling and convey it with such authenticity. its actually ridiculous. seeing those moments, when they’re talking and skirting so closely around the topic of what exactly they are, when then their fingers brush and you are begging for one of them to make the tiniest of moves, to take hold, to make that kind of a statement no matter how small or silent it is, it makes your heart race, bc its new and unknown and in that moment its like your insides are screaming, begging you to embed this sensation into your veins bc you dont know when the next night like this, when the midnight chill and the dusky sky and the hints of alcohol in your system will mix right and make you feel so hedonistically giddy as you do right now at the feeling of that person by your side. and the way they both chase that sensation, how visibly happy it makes them, a craving for each other and that shared thrill only they know, it is just so unbelievably intoxicating to watch. 

i am a person that struggles to sit down and focus. im watching tv but im also knitting, im playing a game but also listening to a podcast. im that person that has to overwhelm my senses to feel sated. this is the first time in a while that ive sat down to watch something and nothing stole my focus, i wasnt distracted, my mind didnt wander. i wasnt concious of the other people walking around my house or the traffic outside or the temperature of the room, i was just fully engrossed. i let every ebb and flow of the scenes and story take me on this path it was guiding me down. and again, thats how they feel. when jihyun and jaewon are alone together, everything else fades away to this dull buzz of background nothingness, they become engrossed in each other, and just as the story pulls me, they pull each other. there’s a constant back and forth, an exchange of setting and challenging boundaries that i adore. when youre getting into a scene, you dont know whos gonna be the one pushing the other. you have jihyun being more forward by the han river, teaching jaewon to draw, then you have jaewon going after jihyun at the library, you have him meeting jihyun after work only for jihyun to ask him to stay and have a drink. its like with every interaction, theyre both asking ‘is this ok?’ and the other asks ‘can we go further?’. i wanna make a whole other post about the nature of their gap in age and experience and all that brings and also how the expectations it brings are subverted, but for now i just wanna say how great it is that there is this balance, and especially that jihyun is allowed to be confident and brave and forward with jaewon, and jaewon is allowed to be reserved and giddy around jihyun. those are experiences so often reserved for the elder and the younger in a relationship, respectively, so to let jihyun be the leader and jaewon the follower, swept up by his feelings and attraction is so refreshing and plays so well into the kind of growth we’re gonna see from these characters and that they need, jihyun growing out of this shy country mouse persona to be more forward and bold, and jaewon being allowed to drop his mask of bravado and letting him be a young person that doesn’t have to be in control of everything. we see that one of his main pressures is the concept of the future, of how simultaneously wide and full of possibilities but also narrow and predetermined that future is for him. he talks about being afraid to lose the comfort of a microcosm like the army of school, even though they are places where he isnt necessarily happy. and then in comes jihyun, something not predetermined, something unexpected, and he takes control of jaewons future in a way by opening up this new path for him. he’s taking some of that stress from jaewon’s shoulders by being an equal and responsive partner in this journey, and offers the chance for jaewon to have something certain in his future, only if he too will work for it. only too if he tries something new, realises that its not too late, and that the anxiety and fear and uncertainty that comes with it may be worth it. bc it may not be guaranteed, but to try instead of never knowing is the only way he can make this possible.

tldr; this show is breath-taking, and im gonna be emo about it for a very long time

[percyjacksonscookies]

dude imma say it

the percy jackson tv show sucks so bad

and I have a lot of time to think at work when im not busy with my little tasks so imma rant about it

because my little brain likes to look for connections i guess

anyway

IT SUCKS SOOOOOO BAAAAAAD HOLY

S H I T

its a giant mix of things because of where we are in time

every major piece of media is a huge reflection of the times we live in so uh

it makes sense that this would suck too like every single other piece of media disney has released in the past decadeish (it comes down to taste so if u like a Disney thing, whatever)

but like?!?!

because of the times we live in where writers had to strike for better wages and a semblance of recognition (i dont know the terms exactly) it makes sense that they gave ol' Ricky boy a shot at screen writing cause they didn't really have to take a chance with a new writer. cause u know disney! wherever there are corners to be cut they will! gotta think of the poor ol' bottom line!!

BUT ALSO RICK RIORDAN'S QUALITY IN WRITING WENT DOWN S O HARD AFTER HIS FIRST SERIES WITH PERCY

heroes of Olympus and trials of Apollo do not have the same flavor as the original series and I know plenty of people will agree with me

and thats cause ol' ricky boy (might call him uncle rick ironically cause I have a big family so its in character of me to have beef with an uncle plus like.... cmon its for the bit, an homage to my cringey younger self, and to help me avoid stupid autocorrect on my phone, it works on so many levels, if u must, cringe away) lost the fucking heart of the original series

lost the whole point and charm of the 1st series

it started out as a fucking bed time story for his son for fucks sake!!!!!! so obviously it was going to be a story built on so much love you could feel it in every word he carefully knit together for his son to feel less alone in the world

and thats why I looked up to him for so many years!!!!

he inspired me to start writing!!! so that maybe some day I could also write stories that helped people feel less alone

because the best fucking stories are the ones with the most heart and genuine emotions you feel like you could be there

but uncle rick fucking lost it because i think after the massive success of his first series he saw it as a way to make money for his family instead of a way to lovingly craft something for the sake of it just existing

yet another thing capitalism has taken from us

I have yet to read his other work, as an adult, because percy jackson is such a comfort book for me and I've obsessively done so much research on it I remember him doing an interview once where he said his students found his other works and they were teasing him about the cuss words in the book because of course they were he taught middle schoolers and that is where he is stronger than I

but thats also another thing

since I haven't read his other works, I dont know if they're going to speak to me like percy jackson has, but probably not from the looks of his other series (ive read all of heroes of Olympus and some of trials of Apollo but thats just cause I adore nico)

but I can definitely say for sure without a shadow of a doubt

dude

uncle rick is NOT a screen writer

he SUCKS at it so bad

he definitely doesn't know how to build suspense in film or write around the obstacles that come with live acting

which is embarrassing man

ive been there

did a senior directed play in high school, wrote the script myself

and it sucked pretty bad

because I was a story teller not a script writer!!!! I didnt know what the fuck i was doing!!!!! whenever I wanted a new character I would just invent one out of thin air, what do you mean I had to have an actor for every new character I have?!?!?!?!

soooo grateful i tried that for the first time in high school cause its not that embarrassing when u suck at something as a teenager cause hey!!! ur learning new shit everyday!!

but this ties back into my point of this show reflecting the times

I will say, I prefer the movie of percy jackson over this weird show

and thats cause it had charm! zest! a screenwriter and people that knew how to make movies!

were at such a weird place in cinema

at least in the mainstream american/western media

I saw everything everywhere all at once last year and it blew my tits clean off

but thats because it was made by people who wanted to make art for arts sake!!!! for the love of creation!!!!!

thats why those movies are so successful now

cause there's really no formula to follow anymore so anything that seems original and made with love is so fucking insanely successful and big corporations can't fucking replicate that without taking chances and letting people tell honest earnest stories

which is why every Disney villain sucks now cause they have to also secretly maybe sometimes be a good person

oh no the circumstances they were given made them a villain

hmmm I wonder who helped with the capitalism of it all?? hmmmm such a mystery

I know we all miss when villains were just evil for fun and that was it

like Ursula, they didn't explain shit about her backstory she was just a woman in a cave that had a reputation and had a sick as hell design and that was all people needed to like her (shout out to divine) (also I don't remember much about the little mermaid I am basing this off of vibes)

where was i going with this.....

anyways the pjo TV show sucks

let Rick Riordan cook longer as a screen writer or let him be a co author of the script my god he sucks at this

get an expert screen writer in there asap phew!!!

today's adhd rant has been brought to you by:

this thing