#i dint know if ill ever be able to have the time to sit down and articulate them all

[colorful-horses]

I ragged on High Guardian Spice a lot while I was watching it, but I have to admit that ever since then, I legitimately cannot stop thinking about it.

The way it completely lacks plot, hooks, interesting concepts, characters, or anything remotely unique is, in and of itself, kind of incredible. I've truly never watched another show like it. Its not even unforgivabley bad—it's just NOTHING. If HGS were a color, it'd be beige.

The most enticing aspect of High Guardian Spice is how, across the whole 12 episode run, never once do they even ACCIDENTALLY stumble into anything interesting. It IS a special show, but only because, despite all odds, it completely fails to be special at Every Single Possible Turn.

I love it. I've watched it 7 times.

[peculiar-monstar]

It's just... Casual Sex

Paring: Loki x Reader

Genre: songfic!

Words: 3,565

Summary: Songfic based off the song by My Darkest Days---As the title states, you (who works as a lab tech along side the science bros) and Loki have been busy and have kept it quiet, but one morning after a exhausting night you fail to notice the thing your spy friend doesn't. This leads to the spilling of the beans so to say as she uses her skills to figure out who out of the two she suspects is the one you crawl into bed with.

The rich smell of the coffee filled the air as you pour yourself a cup of the dark liquid. With a raisin toast in hand you made your way to the closest bar stool and firmly planted yourself there, waiting for the caffeine to bring you to life. After the first few sips you closed your eyes and rubbed your temples, thank gosh you managed to make it in here before the rest of the team filled it with loud chatter and talk.

Typically no others were really around at this hour, if it was their off day then most would sleep in or even be out training already. Regret danced around your head as you finished your meal, you knew staying up and partaking in the activities that all but claimed your hours intended for sleeping would have you utterly drained today. Could you really hate yourself too much though, anyone in your situation would have done the exact same.

You'll never meet my mom,

Strings will never be attached,

We'll always get along,

'Cause it doesn't have to last,

Not sure if you drifted off or she's just that good at sneaking in on half dead to the world people, you were startled to open your eyes to a smirking Black Widow who was pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Morning Nat, sneaking about already this morning?” you question before sipping more life support. “Ha, not hardly... more like someone's been having too much fun. So tell me y/n what kept you up late this time? Project? Party a little too hard with some IT friends? Or is it maybe a guy?” her eye brows wiggled a little with the last question. You couldn't help but choke as you nervously tried to play off how her questions caught you off guard.

“Funny Nat.... it was just a work thing, you know how Tony and Bruce are with their projects... work work work.” She leaned against counter in front of you, eyeing you and sipping her drink. “Really.. so then tell me was it Tony or Bruce who left the rather large hickey on the right side of your neck?” You lost your coffee completely this time, just shy of it coming out of your nose with how hard you were coughing. “What hickey?” She quickly snapped a pic of it with her phone and showed you. Sure as the sky is blue there was a very obvious love bite on your neck right where your neck met your shoulder. “Well... Fuck... looks like ill be wearing a lab coat and t shirts for a while..” your voice was muffled by the counter you had placed your blush covered face on.

And anytime I call you, you don't have to call me back,

I'm never gonna fall, but I'm never hard to catch.

“So are you gonna tell me who this man of yours is? Or will I have to use my spy skills?” She asked in a rather eager tone. Your response was an aggravated huff. “Boyfriend? Friend with benefits? Married man? C'mon give me something. I honestly didn't know you had someone, other then your work that is. We all only ever see you busy in the labs.” You had always been so careful not to show any marks or let on about anything to anyone, and now your zombie self not only dint notice the mark as big as a truck but the best person on the team at uncovering secrets saw it.

The truth would be coming out no matter if you told her or not. Going with maybe she will keep it quiet you decided to give her enough to have her put it together. Sitting up and facing her, you took a breath, “Your not walking out of here with nothing are you?” Shaking her head she joined you at the bar, patiently waiting for you to start. “Okay.. so no I don't have a boyfriend and no I'm not with a married man....i uh.. it's not exactly friends with benefits, I mean yeah we know each other but I don't know if I'd call us friends..” your words trailed off a little as you tried to find the exact words to label what you have.

She said she's cool with it, She's down with it,

There's nothing wrong with it 'cause its easier this way,

She's so cool with it, She's down with it,

There's nothing wrong with it, Don't want it any other way.

“Oh so it's just casual sex?” she replied without missing a beat. You looked at her confused for a minute as if it was the easiest thing you could have said to explain everything. “Yeah..yeah that sounds like a good enough way to describe it.” You answer before sipping the last of your coffee before checking the time on your phone. “Basically you two hook up when ever but neither of you are together or in a relationship, and there isn't any rules or jealousy of what the other does.” She continues. “Then yeah that's exactly what it is, so no need to concern yourself, but I really should go change and get to the lab and start while I have the energy.” you say getting up to refill your cup.

Her arm on you stopped you, of course it wouldn't be so easy. “not so fast, there is more then just it being a hook up as to why you've been so careful about keeping this quiet. Clearly he's something to have caught your eye and pull you from your lab, so spill it.” slumping back into your chair you closed your eyes and watched as last nights moments played through your mind.

It's just your typical hardcore, casual sex,

We're single, but we're lovers, crazy for each other,

Just your typical hardcore, casual sex,

We're wild under the covers crazy for each other.

His lips started at yours with desire growing with each one he placed as he moved his mouth down your neck to your collar bone, going lower as he made his way to between your breasts. Suddenly his lips found your right ear and you had to hold back a moan when his silky voice whispered to you. “My dear you will not be finding any sleep here tonight..” you felt him place a couple wet kisses on your shoulder followed by more whispering. “I plan to make you beg me to take you, give you the pleasure you so desperately crave and make sure the only thing you able to say by morning is my name.” The shivers that shot down your spine with his last words make you throw out all cares on how tired you'd be for work, the only thing you wanted was to be entangled with the man currently assaulting you with his delicious lips and screaming his name as you came around him in pure bliss.

Natasha clearing her throat made you remember you were currently being interrogated by her on who the hickey leaving hook up you bang is. “Sorry.. just trying to see how to put this, and remember it if it uh decenigrats after today.” you say in a nervous tone. She didn't even try to hide the twinkle in her eye when you said that. “Ooh this got good, so it's clearly a co worker, but it is a fellow lab guy? Or is it..” her smile when the look on your face gave it away that it was definitely not lab personnel made you wish you had a poker face.

“That's why you've kept this quiet, it's one of the guys isn't it?” you wanted to face palm yourself into a coma at this point. “Yes.... I was afraid if it got out I'd get reassigned it would also affect him to because he prefers to keep others out of his personal business.” You explain. “I can understand that, but narrowing it down and knowing the guys like I do, Clint's married so not him, Sam is too much of a bragger to keep his mouth shut, Scott is too much of a sweetie to not be more public about it, Vision is with Wanda, Tony has Pepper, Thor is with Jane, Steve's got this weird thing with Sharron....All that being said that leaves two guys.. both are equally private..so go on keep talking.

We don't have to go on dates,

You don't have to like my friends,

I won't get in your face when you're making other plans,

Shit she's good, this was getting uncovered faster then you liked and the rest of the team would be showing up for breakfast soon and this is not the conversation you wanted to be having when they do. “Ever been told you're too good at this Nat” she simply smiles and waits for you to keep going.

“Well since the two I think you are referring to are Bucky and Loki, then yes, you are right there. They are both more along the quiet side and prefer to keep personal matters to themselves and not announce all to the whole team.” She Nods in agreement. “so which on is it y/n?” Shaking your head you smirk “aww c'mon Nat, don't wanna use those skills of yours...I'll help you out since your gonna make it your mission till you know anyways.” You roll your eyes and go to explain, but she cuts you off before the words leave your mouth.

“Now wait just a minute, I'll figure this out myself off of what you've given me, I was just seeing if you'd offer it up easily first.” standing she walks over to the sink then returns to her seat and looks you up and down. Your hair was in a messy bun, sweat pants clung to your hips, a light tank top and a silky long sleeved robe hung around your shoulders.

“So he likes to leave loves bites, you two definitely didn't stop at once, considering the state of your hair and lack of energy this morning, which would mean he has quite the stamina...And I can almost bet there is or has been some light bruising around your wrists..along with a few other well placed hickeys.” She watches as you pull the sleeves on your robe down and blush a little. “Mmm hmm.. so he like to be in charge and likes to mark you, but at the same time doesn't want to be singularly a couple. Either of those two fit this so far...” you can almost see her brain picking apart each clue. “Tell me y/n how did this all start exactly?”

If you're tired of the taste,

We can try another blend,

My heart will never break I'm just here to break a sweat.

Good lord he was walking temptation, all broody and dark, making it seem like he was so tough but no matter how much he pretended he wanted nothing to do with anyone, something about that made you want to prove him wrong. Working late was nothing unusual for you, happened more then you getting laid, as sad as that was. Buried deep behind your projects and formulas or one of the weapons you hardly left your space. Feeling frustrated with how your intended mixture wasn't combining like it should you opted for a break. Heading to the kitchen you found the place deserted, the quiet was nice but you'd kill to get rid of the frustrating feeling still lingering. Still processing the formula in your mind you collide with a very hard object, thinking it was the wall you were shocked to see instead you had smacked right into to the very temptation that had passed by the lab earlier and clouded your mind with not so helpful thoughts.

“Sorry!” you squeaked and moved out of his way. “Maybe you should pay more attention to where your walking.” He snapped. “Excuse me, it was an accident, sorry if I'm a little tired from working on stuff that could possibly save you on a mission.. geez no need to get a attitude with me..” You retort while grabbing a mug and pouring more coffee to fuel your night work.

Suddenly you felt the hard wall against your as he grabbed you and pushed you to it causing you to look up at him. “You have some mouth on you, coming in here and telling me not to speak to you like that when your the one who walked into me!” his nostrils flared with his words and your could see his pupils were blown as he stared at you. “So what if I do, what are you gonna do about it?” you challenged him. He stayed still contemplating his next move, before you found his lips crashing to yours with a rough kiss. You kissed him back with equal power, both of your arms roaming over each other as you continued, tongues battling for dominance before you pulled away needing air.

That's why she's cool with it, She's down with it,

There's nothing wrong with it 'cause its easier this way,

She's so cool with it, She's down with it,

There's nothing wrong with it, Don't want it any other way.

“Well it kinda just happened a couple months ago, after a really rough day at work....for both of us I guess.” you tell her as she taps her finger to her bottom lip. “I see, so probably started off as a confrontation when no one was around and lead to some intense sex... Well we don't really see either of them after missions or when they seem to be in a rather foul mood. I'll go out on a limb and say it probably goes both ways if one of you wants the other you meet up, but I bet he mostly contacts you after the missions?” You nod at her.

“Okay, both of them could still fit this, lets see what else can I get off you before I make my guess.” You shift a little under her gaze. “Do you interact with them other then when you hook up?” Looking down at your hand then back at her, “not really I mean if he's in the lab, sure but we don't really see each other much between. He doesn't avoid it but we also don't go out of our ways either. I don't care what he does and vice versa, if either of us went on a date or something the other wouldn't mind. We just have this mutual agreement to be there to release some steam in a beneficial way to both of us.”

It's just your typical hardcore, casual sex,

We're single but we're lovers, crazy for each other,

Just your typical hardcore, casual sex,

We're wild under the covers, crazy for each other.

The two of you were covered in a thin layer of sweat and tried desperately to catch your breath and steady your heart rates again. To say that was the greatest sex you'd had in your entire life was a true statement. You couldn't help but feel your pride swell a little hearing him just as out of breath as you. Who would have thought you'd have the same effect on him as he you, and that a un-mixing formula would have put you in this bed, in the room and in the arms of this man. Having calmed your heart back to a decent speed you went to get up but a rather strong arm stopped you.

“Where do you think you are planning on going?” he asked as he pulled you back closer to him. “Well I was gonna go back to the lab an--” He cut you off with another searing kiss, and you could already feel him grinding his rock hard erection into your thigh. “We are only getting started here darling, I have yet to grow tired of hearing those delightful sounds escape your pretty mouth as I make you come undone..” Immediately forgetting the formula you swing your leg over him and straddle his hips. You were in for one hell of a night.

She so cool with it, She's down with it,

There's nothing wrong with it 'cause its easier this way,

She's so cool with it, She's down with it,

There's nothing wrong with it, Don't want it any other way.

“Earth to y/n? Are you asleep or lost in thoughts?” Nat asked as she waved a hand in front of your glazed over eyes. “Yeah sorry I'm here still thinking about how this all came to be.” She squinted her eyes at you, as if she had just figured something out. “So are you starting to get attached or want more then just hook up with him? And don't bother lying I can see right through you.” You glared at her, if she knew then why ask. “I don't know, maybe, I mean get get along well and I think maybe if we were to actually pursue this as a couple it may work out, but I haven't brought it up and neither has he, I didn't want to affect him as a avenger or bring up anything that would up set him after what he's been though. No point to lose out on a good thing just to call him my boyfriend if you know what I mean.” You both laugh but then you see her eyeing your neck. “Has he ever left a mark in such an obvious place, I mean it's basically screaming I'm owned don't even try.” rubbing the mark with your hand you think back but shake your head.

“Not that I can remember, we've both been pretty discreet, I didn't even know it was there till you showed me.” She looked as though a light bulb went off after you answered. “Last night was intense, and he left a mark intended to be seen, so what did you say or do differently that may have spurred this?” You sat there thinking and only one thing had come to mind. “I did mention I would be out of town for a few days with a fellow lab assistant do to some work we have to do off base, the assistant is a he, and after that he did seem to want to make it a point to leave a couple hickeys on my thigh.” She smiled and looked at you “Yeah I'd say maybe your mystery banger wants to do more then just bang, so damaged, possessive, dominate, kick ass stamina, and moody.. I'm gonna go with--”

It's just your typical hardcore, casual sex,

We're single, but we're lovers, crazy for each other,

Just your typical hardcore, casual sex,

We're wild under the covers crazy for each other.

 She was about to give you her answer, but the two of you were interrupted by Sam, Steve, and Bucky arguing about who knows Steve the best and who would be more help for him in a fight. You shot Nat a please don't say anything look and she winked at you. “Good morning ladies.” came Tony's chipper tone as he walked in followed by Thor and Loki. “hey guys, so thought I'd tell ya that our y/n here scored herself a date tonight with one of her hottie lab techs and she's not gonna be in this weekend, so no texting her Tony!” Nat announced. “Way to go y/n! Enjoy yourself then!” Steve said while grabbing the newspaper. Bucky gave you a thumbs up, Sam complained about how that meant he couldn't take you out, Thor gave you a huge smile while grabbing a full box of pop tarts, and Tony poured himself a cup of coffee then walked over to you and Nat.

“So was it this lucky guy your going out with the one who left that ?” he pointed to the mark you tried to cover. “Oh uh he--” before you could answer someone else did for you. “Actually no, that would be my handy work if you must know.” Loki's words caused everyone to share the look of surprise, all except for Nat who couldn't have had a more smug smile. “Now my pet if you would be so kind, I need to speak with you about this so called date.” You quickly followed him out of the kitchen out of more shock then anything after he had just declared you and he had slept together. The second the two of you rounded the corner you found yourself back in his bedroom. “Apparently I didn't make myself very clear the multiple times I asked you who you belonged to last night, as you came screaming my name.” His powerful arms resting on your hips. “Oh no you did, that was just Nat's way of say she knew who left this on me, but since we're back in here I'm more then happy for you to make it abundantly clear again.” you say as you look up through your lashes smiling.

Everybody wants a lover like that,

Wild under the covers, crazy for each other,

Everybody wants a lover like that

Wild under the covers, crazy for each other.

--/----------------------------------------------------------------

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[anxietyinmotion]

So i told my ma i wanted to go back to college. Partially to get a degree but also because with the extra money i get from pel grant i could pay to go to a therapist like i really need to. She helped me go through all the paperwork up to applying then told me there was no point because i was just going to fail again. We got into a big fight and it triggered suicidal thoughts. Luckily i called my brother (2 am and he still answered and talked to me) and he helped me calm down. Now im stuck though. We have no income, i cant work cause of my mental problems, mama cant work because of physical problems, and i cant go to school til i go to a doctor but i cant pay for a doctor cause i have no money. Mama keeps saying she'll get a job but she can barely walk from the couch to the bathroom and even when she gets an interview we cant get there cause we have no car and we don't even have the $2 it takes to ride the bus. My mental state is so bad lately that im sleeping over 12hrs a day and all the time im awake i have to distract myself or else i might hurt myself again or worse. But then mama yells at me for not helping more around the house. She keeps saying "all of this is on me" but its not. Its not her job to take care of everything. Im an adult i should be able to care for myself but i dont know what to do. Im tired of sitting around doing nothing but doing something as simple as washung the dishes gives me too much time to think and i end up on the floor crying. I just wish i could do something. I need help but help costs money. What am i supposed to do? Im tired of being told to meditate and exercise. Calm breathing isnt going to keep me from stabbing myself. I constantly feel like a burden. I will never forget mama telling me "im worried about trying to not get put back in jail im worried about your brother and sister im worried about robby and now im having to worry about you offing yourself." and as she got in my face to scream that last bit i flinched away and she started screaming at me for flinching. "Ive never hit you dint you ever fucking flinch away from me like ive hit you" this post stoped making sense a long time ago im sorry. Ill stop now

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 70

Seventy.

Life is going on. With ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Well life is mostly grey for me. 

As every day passes, i just realize more and more how much i love him. I really dont want to bluff about it but I just couldnt stop from typing it out because the realization blows my mind away. And one big reason is because I would never do what i did, or can do for him, and no one will ever mean anything even remotely close to how much he meant to me and will always mean to me. 

This might all just sound like a cheesy note any person in love would say but Oh God! trust me, this is what comes to my head after quite a good number of not-so-nice crap i have in my big fat head. So yeah! thats how i just know. This is not ever going away. And if I ever got a chance to re-live, i wouldn’t have wanted to fall in love with anyone else, orrrrrrrrrrr id just wish I was alone. That’s pretty cool tooo!! lol 

Speaking of which. Yeah. I pretty much do enjoy my own company. I just dont like communicating much with people. for a lot of reasons actually. Well, to begin with. I believe im a really complicated person. LIke, everyone has their own story and theres something twisty about everyone and bla bla but then I really do thing Im just not that easy to understand, and to top all that, I dont even like opening up to people so thats more of a reason to not get me. I am kind of aware of the fact that i seem to have a lot of ego and seem to be filled with pride and arrogance. But thats not true, thats just how some people see me, and i cant blame them because i think that is something i mask myself with. However, many people do find me really sweet and all but whatever side anyone sees, its always clear, im not really interested in getting too close with anyone and that i appreciate my own space. Sometimes, i do wonder if i really do enjoy being on my own or i actually want some good friends. But then the thing is, i have really really good friends back from high school. the only thing is, theyre not in the same country, theyre far away. but then again, even when we were all on ksa, we still mostly communicated on social media and stuff so it shouldnt matter much i guess. what im trying to say is. despite all the misunderstanding people might have with me, or people actually finding me sweet or whatever. or me not liking them much or wanting them to be my friends or whatever. the thing is, its not that i dont have anyone at all. because i do have people who know me. they dont know every little detail about me though, and thats because i dont talk much to them either. but they know me as a person. like i dont need to kiss their ass to get their attention, i can be myself with them.. i can be mean, and rude, or not keep in touch or act like im full of ego, like im so full of my shit and theyd still accept me. because they know that thats just how i am. im not sugarcoated. 

But.. it still doesnt matter

What im saying is. I prefer sitting alone on my own. doing literally nothing. no phone. no laptop. no means of communication with the outside world OVER actually chatting with anyone. or even someone who knows me so well and is close to me. 

Ok man, i talk a lot! So yeah that’s the thing! but when we were together, i wouldve done anything to not miss a chance to talk to him lol - thats just an easy way to put it out there, that he was different. 

And also putting it out there how my life is right now. I prefer my own company. I dooooo badly wish i had a ‘partner’ though - an ‘eating partner’!!!!!! haha! I really wish i could go to restaurants with someone to try food randomly. But then. idk. i mean its not that easy to find someone who has the same love for food and aso someone whos willing to spend money to try food or someone whod be able to hang out with me. especially i dont even have any good friends in ksa right now Ugh

Another really important reason i dont like talking to people much is the commitment. I hate commitment!!!!!!! And when i say commitment i dont even mean something serious like being in some relationship. i mean.. even the smallest commitment. like when you even knock someone and the person expects you to reply fast. Like okay give me a break! We dint exchange vows or something, yth do i need to reply fast. or whyd you even expect me to reply fast like idk. do people just pause their lives and just talk to other people? bleh Im not even ready for that so yeah! 

buttttttttt then again - with him. it was SO different. but like i said. it was only him!!!!

Something cool was the fact that i had a dream of him the other day. we never met each other f2f after our last conversation, so him in my dream was the first time we met f2f which wasnt actual anyways!!! But!!! I was so full of attitude. Like I could totally see my facial expressions and go like. “Oh God Youuu” to myself! Im usually full of attitude in front of other guys, if i ever am, which is kinda rare. just saying! 

So i read his post about him going to bd and stuff, and i wont even lie about how i totally never like that. but then this time its different obviously. In many ways though. One way to look at it is how i just remembered about the time when he was in bd last year! ~~~ And the award for the roughest of all times goes to!!!! 

Now comes the part were I actually give the reason why I dont blog much! Well tbh i want to blog all the time. But then!!!! Who am i kidding???? Its obviously cause I want him to read my post and blabla so yeah I dont! I mean. I really want to, but i dont. The same way. Forget blogging man. I mean. In this generation, with all these advancements and i say, no barrier at all. If we could decide like two mature adults to stop talking for nothing but good intentions then i sure as hell can keep myself from blogging about every little thing, and keep my shit together, and only blog when my mind and my heart says that i got it in my hands and im not going to screw up! 

and so that would mean that anything i post about, is just a very little, incomplete detail of the entire story and i almost always will sugarcoat it a million times and put it up here! 

but like i said - every thing just ends with me realizing how in love i am with him and as long as that is how it ends, i like it. 

So “losing weight” is like the --aim of my life-- right now. Just that its so boring oh maa gawd - and so i end up watching suits. which is soooooo niiiceeeeee omgg. And i actually love the couple there. Mike & Rachel! - oh and also its kinda funny to me idk why but whenever i see any couple onscreen that i like, my inner me kinda teases me going like “sarah, you loser!!!!!” and then i look down from the screen for a second or two like an actual loser would doo and then yeah i just “laugh it away” - like silently! ~ No hard feelings!

umm.so yeah i was saying. The main thing is losing weight and i want to lose one kg a week WHICH I AM NOT BY THE WAY. so i kind of get sad from time to time and all, and then idk get ok with it, and then sad again and alll that. and then battling myself against food is there. Today though i kind of figured out that if i watch suits while on the treadmill ill kinda stay distracted, and it wont be boring anymore and ill be able to go somewhere i guess. 

so theres around 9 weeks left for uni to open and i wish vacation never ended but yeah lets just face reality. And about my brother, 6 weeks left.   So that means I wna lose around 9 kgs before uni reopens but its smart to kind of plan a bit more than you actually want so that if you dont totally achieve your goal youll still land somewhere good. if you know what i mean. 

Now there is a lot i want to say. SO muchh. But I cant be fooling myself. It would obviously be for him only. So Ill just hold everything back in!!!!!! 

But one thing I want the world to know

Everyone has their own problems and their own imperfection and perfections and whatever. But ever since I had my eyes on him, i knew he was different. infact that is exactly why i liked him in the first place. I dont wna go in depth with this but ill just say it in the simplest way I can. 

When I was with him, yes, I did pray for a fairytale story. But not an actual one. because those dont exist. I had my own modified version of a fairytale ending. And in their, everything was not perfect. Everyone was not perfect. there was pain, there were people who didnt know what they were worth. All I ever wanted is to be the person to be ale to mend hearts, to help someone find their way out from the sufferings, to be a part of someone happiness. And even though we are not together right now. I wish the same. I just wanted it to be through me before. Now it doesnt necessarily need to be, cause it definitely will be coming from Allah both ways inshaAllah. 

I pray he gets to see what I see in him. And what people see in him. And most importantly, what he sees in himself but fails to value at times. 

P.S. My family is excluded from consideration in this post. when i talk about people, i mean everyone else except my family.  --ALSOOOOO-- I just randomly sat down at 5am and decided to blog today and so i sat with my laptops and this is all what flowed outta me! 

A totally random post! 

BUT i do wna mention how the tumblr app on my phone s.u.c.k.s. Cant give notifications properly *&^&%&^$%&%*^(0

Bye c: 

[lokbobpop]

Confront

transitive verb. 1 : to face especially in challenge : oppose confront an enemy The mayor was confronted by a group of protesters. 2a : to cause to meet : bring face-to-face confront a reader with statistics confronted her with the evidence

mid 16th century: from French confronter, from medieval Latin confrontare, from Latin con- ‘with’ + frons, front- ‘face’.

Confront con front conf ront con fro t co nf ront

Writing the word confront

To want to confront someone and but i cant i fear ill lose they will say something smarter and me and i wont be able to find what i need to say comes up i have a fear of confronting people which has been good really except for that fact because i didnt confront and get it out the way i would then stew on it for weeks months later I remember falling out with the neigbour but wouldnt confront them why i was pissed off that they left all there shit in our garden i just ignored them and it just got worse and worse from then on in, and i should of just confronted them asked them to clean it up and that would of been it.

Reading the word confront

Being confronted a couple of times stick out when i heard something someone had said about my husband i said it to my husband he went mad at them and she then confronted me i was in hell of fear it was awful but she didnt care she was brave usually we people just ignore each other so but not her no i was shocked when she approached me i was shaking she said i didnt mean your husband and so on she wanted to work this out but couldn’t handle this being confronted i see but deep down i admired her courage to be able to do something like this i wished i could do such things instread of my usual go hind. Another one my friend was a but drunk and confronted me on my views of being anti vacs and she couldn’t stoop being angry at me i just sat there until i could get out i was shaking i didnt know what to do i just wanted to get out because i didnt know what to say it was awful all the things i new about vac had gone as soon as i heard it i dont retain stuff i just go off the info at the time then its gone so to tell someone why is hard and just sitting there made me feel so inferior I couldn’t wait to get out i was shocked. It all comes down to not being self confident not trusting myself not wanting the conflict anymore and mostly not wanting to lose the fight im only going into a fight if im going to win i see nowadays or its just not worth it but now knowing its all in reverse and its not about winning i wonder what id do now because i see i still have the spark of wanting to get back where ive been hurt within me why because i feel they think they are better than me why because they won the fight why because i dint say anything and you could see she was happy with her fight side why because she won i lost and that was the battle why because i didnt see realize and understand that its not about that its about being equal and not winning at the time i was and I hopefully would act in the proper manner next time of keeping my cool and seeing and realizing that she wants to win to feel better and i have no part in the fight when it’s like this.

Saying the word confront

I’ll confront a family member no problem i even like to do it because ive already decided ill win because ill battle until the end until i do ive seen myself love it its like you can do it to your family member because after you should be ok but your not ok hey its not right to do this and i see realize and understand that now i can be more tactful i can do things differently

Sf

Does this definition support me no it doesnt fear of being confronted was big because ive believed im not good enough to win the fight and feared all confrontation

Confront co front

Confront

To confront myself as much as possible of who i am in every given moment of time

To step up to whats wrong from a point of being equal with what ever it might be.

How will i live this word? I will live this worth with confronting myself on who i am as much as possible so i can see realize and understand who im living at all times so i can change my starting point from all and live me i am free i am alive i am life

[obduratemoon]

Sedimentary City 14: FATHER

It lay in the dark woods, the shrouded one, as if resting for the night. The color of the woods was blue and black, a twilight within a twilight. Time seemed to slow as if finally mired and stuck in cosmic mud. Jan approached the prostate form of the psychopomp soft as a whisper. What does it dream of? He wondered. Tenderly yet pregnant with anticipation he lifted the heavy viel and saw a beautiful face, androgynous and perfectly in-between and swaying like a pendulum. Jan blinked and saw it was a woman, and then a man, and then both and neither again. The face alternated between life and death as well, crossing and recrossing that tremulous border between sleep and death until he could not tell if it was corpse or repose.

In the dark woods all was still and the two figures were there, one bent over the other like a branch over water.

Slant gold hued geometries of sunlight poured through the large windows. It was almost sunset and Jan could see the shadows stretch out languorously across a landscape crenelated by buildings. The day waned and the first semblance of the moon, cold and bone white, began to appear in the sky. Far in the distance a swarm of weather manipulators levitated and moved like a cloud of gnats, each subtly nudging the atmospheric equilibrium towards a more appropriate stasis.

He was in his father’s office, a room that had once seemed hallowed and sanctified, one that he was rarely allowed to enter as a boy. He had associated with it a curious sensation alluding towards the vague realm of adulthood, a far off land of mystery and wonder. As a child Jan was awed by how much his father seemed to know of the world and its workings.

The apartment was a multilevel penthouse atop one of the largest skyscrapers in the city. His father’s office commanded a full spectrum view of level 1, a surface covered with architecture that stretched out far into the parallax. It was breathtaking and awe inspiring to anyone yet commonplace to both who sat there now.

Jan’s father stood near the window looking out at the landscape he had gazed over thousands of times. He seemed much older and frailer, lacking the hefty substance he once had; there was something about his aspect and bearing that had shifted. It struck Jan that he appeared more pellucid and immaterial than in the past.

“You have no idea what it took for me to find you, and then to get you out of there,” his father said. “Those that go into the chorion of the pain seldom return. Even if they come back in body they are different, changed inside. How do you feel, Jan?”

“I don’t know.” Jan replied calmly, speaking with planular affect. “How should I feel?  How did I ever feel? But I guess this is me? The person that I was. How long was I asleep for?”

“They kept you in a restorative coma for almost two years. Finally I had them bring you here, back to the house. No one was really sure if you would come back, they said there was a chance you would continue sleeping.”

He turned away from the window and faced his son. 

“But here you are. I am happy to see you.”

Jan sat on a sofa. His body still remembered to reflexively assume a straight and proper posture in front of his father.

“Do you ever get the sense,” Jan mused absentmindedly,  “that, maybe, you are created, or maybe generated by something or someone else? Just a figment.”

“What? What are you going on about?”

A part of Jan was surprised by how insolent he was being, but he felt far away from his old self and its habits. The restoration had allowed Jan to maintain most of his memories, but he felt skew from many of them as if they were not necessarily his, as if they lived on their own right.

“I apologize. I don’t even know.”

His father sighed deeply and moved to sit down on a chair facing Jan.

“I had a terrible premonition even back then, as soon as I lost contact with you, that something awful would occur. I know you and Eva had been participating with the Samuelson clique, but I always thought it just a passing phase, a common hobby of the overindulged. When Eva died … “

A pained expression flashed across Jan’s face like a scrap of shadow caught in a gust of wind. His entire frame seized up.

“Please stop ...”

“Yes, we shall not talk about Eva. But please listen to what I have to say, for we will not have many opportunities to speak. What is happening in the world is dangerous and volatile. Down in those lower levels is a roiling Hobbesian jungle of struggle, of monkeys with rifles firing off at one another with hardly a thought in their minds, uncomprehending of what they are even doing or where they are going, beings with no future who prosecute their lives in the manner of the mad, errant particles describing a chaotic dance of mutual destruction. Oppression and domination. And on the other side, death or fealty. Can there be any other way? Of course not, this is obvious to any thinking person, to anyone who has read anything of history and science. The interactions between people won’t change -- any more than magnetism or gravity. And now you have experienced it for yourself. The Sedimentary City exists for a reason, its design represents generations of thought and societal effort. The system of today is the natural conclusion of history.”

“And what if I just don’t accept that conclusion? And whose effort was it really?”

“Honestly, Jan, I thought you were better educated than this. Are you still a boy? I never understood this strange  stubbornness you have always had. Why did you not confess? How could it have been worth it?”

His father’s face darkened and knit together, burdened by unpleasant thoughts. For all his stature and power he was ill equipped for internal disorder.

“And tell them what?” Jan replied. “We both know how these interrogations work. They don’t stop just because someone confesses. They understand that once someone steps in the Chorion they must come out reprogrammed. To them, dissidents are a cancer. Besides, I knew almost nothing; the movement is distributed, each actor insulated from each other. It’s the only way we could survive.”

The old man sighed again. 

“What am I even doing? None of this matters anymore, there is nothing I can do for you really. I called in all the favors I could just to have to be here when you woke up, so we could have this time together at least.”

Jan did not reply, instead he looked passed his father in the sky beyond. He could now see that the sun was descending, retiring its immolated chariot slowly towards the horizon. It crept with a slow implacability towards its extinguishment.

To glance at the sun is to see a static picture; within the hypostasis of the present it appears captured and unmoving. But with an accumulation of enough moments, Jan could sense the slow arcked trajectory of that blazing orb. Time is an infinity of nothings placed end to end yet it spans out forever from a bottomless past into an endless future.

“I’ve managed to be able to keep you here for a month or two, but the crimes you have committed against the State are serious and even I cannot nullify the enforcement of those laws. And you are correct, of course, once you have stepped in the Chorion they cannot easily allow you to return. Not for a long time at any rate. I cannot prevent you from being sent to the Rehabilitation Systems. I will see what I can do to make it as easy for you there as possible. Of course, it will be very hard, but there is only so much I can do. I hope that you can make some kind of life down there, to live regardless.”

At this the old man’s face creased up with suffering and tears rolled through them like the first ice melts in spring, finding travel along neglected ruts in the earth.

Jan wondered if he had ever seen his father cry, or show such emotion. Despite being wan and somehow not quite settled yet in reality, his chest constricted with affection for his father, who had at once been an Authority, a demiurge in Jan’s life, but at this moment seemed to be a much smaller kind of being. No god but rather just any other human, born to suffer and participate in the keen sadness of life.

“It is unclear when you will be allowed to come back, but probably not before I die. You and I, son, we both shall die alone. And the family line will end.”

The sun had finally dipped low enough to irradiate the sky with a poison of colors, redolent and spectral in its livid redness. In the clouds a lavender hue began to tinge some portions. A few buildings caught its Abraxian reflection and scintillated an explosion of light resplendent with wonton grandeur. The sunlight now beamed into the room, almost horizontal and parallel to the floor, blessing surfaces with a golden dint of divinity. 

A world on fire. A world transformed and alchemized into something celestial and unmundane. An innuendo at the unabated significance of the universe.

“How I love the sunset,” said Jan. “Doesn’t it seem like time stops? There is neither future nor past, but only now. Each sunset alludes to all other sunsets, a moment which ties all other moments together. The evening glow destroys everything except the essence, it burns away all excess and vanity. In some ways the pain amplifier was the same. Suffering is at once individual and universal.”

His father did not respond, lost in thought or perhaps also marveling at the auburn firmament that had come to inhabit the room with them.

Jan spoke again: “Do I have a brother?”

The old man looked up, surprised. “What? Your brother? How do you know about him?”

“So I do?”

“No, not really, Jan. Your mother died giving birth to him and he passed with her as well. They died together. I never told you, and I swore the doctors to secrecy. It made no sense, such an event. No one dies in childbirth anymore, at least not here! It was impossible for anyone to explain.”

“Is that why she died? I never knew … “

“Yes, you were very young when it happened.”

“What was she like?”

“Your mother? She was beautiful and kind. A kind of a counterweight, capable in dimensions I could not understand or recognize until much later. I see now how she guided me through life. When she died I grew inward. And felt lost.”

It was odd to hear his father speak in this way. So open, so clear.

“Yes, I understand what you mean.”

“But why do you ask about your brother?”

“In the pain amplifier I felt a presence. Another self, another in my body, or perhaps, a shard of myself. It spoke to me, it told me of my brother as proof of its realness. Strange isn’t it? How did it know when I did not? It had been observing the same world but received it in a different way. All the things I ignored and didn’t want to see, the things I rejected, it accepted them instead. At first I was startled and skeptical, yet it felt familiar as a reflection, like I had heard its voice in my head all my life, a voice so consistent and intimate to me that I had hardly noticed it. Perhaps in the Chorion I shattered like a split atom, and the distance allowed me to see all the fragments reflecting back and seeing each other in turn. I wonder if many of us are like this -- singular in conception, but multitude in fact.”

His father looked at him in astonishment. Now, only a semicircle of the sun remained and its beams struck the underside of clouds setting them flush and aglow with pink, one last moment of unkempt ecstasy before it found only endless space to project its rays upon. The air seemed to cool into a bluish tint and the darker side of the sky began to deepen into a full-on night.

At length his father spoke, “I … I suppose that might be the case. But what of it? What does it mean? Why do you speak of these things? What does it matter?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know. The life of a person is a mystery and the solving of it pulls him along even when he wants to quit. I don’t fear what’s to come, however. Not anymore.”

They sat there lost in individual contemplation for a long time. Outside the twilight relented to darkness as the last remnants of color and light fled those dead vaults. An enclosing canvas of tenebrous indigo, punctured here and there by pinpricks of winking light, revealed itself as the true contents of the heavens, one that had only been temporarily obfuscated by the brilliance of day.

Below, a riotous conflagration of city lights reflected and amplified what was above. Inside the room all became dark for no one had turned on a light. Both men were weighed down by the ephemerality of life, that very soon they would part and never meet again and that what remained of their family would cease. What did it mean anyway? Family? And why did they grieve for its passing?

Finally, Jan slowly got up and walked towards his Father. Approaching him, he knelt and wrapped himself around the elders body in an encircling embrace. They wept for a long time, father and son.

[tellytantra]

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Kartik says he has only come here to seek revenge for something that happened years ago. He said that to me years ago. Like today, we thought we would need proof to show it to you. We found a proof to convince you. He shows his phone to Akhilesh. It was recorded here but we wont be able to play it for you. Naira tells Akhilesh he must believe them. Samar Chachu has come here only to seek revenge. Akhilesh tells them to be ashamed of themselves. You are blaming an innocent guy. Kartik refuses to be quiet anymore. I will keep talking till the time you listen to me! Akhilesh pushes Kartik who is about to fall over a burning diya. His father covers his son’s face using his palm so as to save him from getting hurt. He glares at Akhilesh. You should have trusted Kartik when he said that he dint push Samar! You should have atleast believed your upbringing as you have looked after him more than me. Sadly, you made a mistake. For once, I believe that being a kid he might have done it but how could you hate him so much. You pushed him away like that! Akhilesh asks him why he is supporting his son. You know he was wrong but you got a chance to make mountain out of a mole. They get into an argument again. Akhilesh warns him to stay away from him or he might say something untoward today! Samar tries to calm them down but Manish warns him to keep quiet when 2 brothers are talking. It is a very old matter about which no one else knows. Samar glares at Kartik and Naira. Manish says only I and Ma know it. I don’t care why Samar is here and for what reason. I only care about what you think! No one can dare to come between us! Samar has come between us as you let him come between us! You are upset with me so better take it out on me as my loved one and not a stranger! He hands over his sandal to Akhilesh. Insult me before entire world. Call the press but you what you want to! It should only be between us brothers but the matter should end right away! Akhilesh refuses to see his face ever again. Let me go or I will do something wrong today. Manish keeps trying to stop him but Akhilesh keeps shouting against it. Their mother tells them to stop fighting. Dadi walks up to Samar. Manish tells her to stop but she raises her hand to stop him. I understand that something is about to go wrong but everyone told me I was mistaken. I was shaken up when you came here. I made myself understand that you are my own. I thought you wont repeat the mistake which was done by your! She goes quiet. You only came to take revenge. She folds her hands and kneels down. I beg you. Please spare my family. I am your culprit. I am the murderer! Manish gets tensed. Dadi accepts having killed Samar’s father. Only I should be punished. Shock registers on everyone’s faces. She begs Samar to leave her family. She passes out. Everyone rushes to her side. Keerti, Naksh, Dadi are celebrating Dhanteras. They pray for everyone’s well-being. Keerti is worried as to how her family would be. Naksh advises her to call but she shares that no one picked up. Naksh suggests that they might have been busy in puja. Naksh is too excited to open the piggy bank. Doc tells everyone that Dadi seems exhausted but there is nothing to worry. Kartik and Naira are sitting next to her. They turn to Manish who agrees to tell them everything today. Bau ji loved his mother immensely and so did we. Samar says everyone only pitied him as he was! Manish says people become handicapped from mind and nowhere else. Bau ji kept giving him whatever he wanted. One day, he turned against his brother completely. Samar is sure there must be some reason behind Bau ji having a change of heart. Manish shares that Bau ji became ill worrying about his brother and left us. Dadi says the last line and they all turn to look at her. Samar reminisces the old days. Dadi asks Avdhesh to answer where he used money. Avdhesh refuses to give any explanation. Business isn’t run like that. You need to tell everyone about how you use the money and where! He hits her using a vase. He threatens to leave her and he does not mind it. Young Manish comes there hearing the commotion. Avdhesh asks for his share. I will otherwise blame you for my death! She tells him she does not mind. Why dint God take you instead of your brother! Flashback ends. Dadi says people are right. We must not say anything before thinking. He died that day because of what I had said! Naira and Kartik try to convince her that she isn’t at fault but she is reluctant. Manish also tells her it was an accident. Don’t know why you have been blaming yourself all along! Kartik asks them for what reason Samar has come here. Swarna says he might have come to get what belongs to him. Kartik finds it illogical as he could have filed a case then. Naira nods. He told us himself that he has only come to seek revenge. Akhilesh asks Samar what happened that night. Did anyone tell you anything? He replies that he was right there at that day. No one had to tell me anything. Flashback shows Dadi cursing Avdhesh to die who dies in a car accident on the same day. Naira and Kartik discuss about the incident. Samar Chachu saw his Tai ji shouting on his father at a young age. I was also young when I was in Rishikesh. Samar says Tai ji and Bhaisahab came running there. I hate them both. I wouldn’t have become an orphan if they had saved Bau ji that day. Naira recalls how she mistook her mother in the past. Swarna says I also did the same. Samar says I could have forgotten everything but I couldn’t stop myself after seeing you go through the same level of discrimination that Bau ji had experienced. Tai ji has always believed that younger son cannot be better than elder son ever! She favours Manish Bhaisahab more than you! Swarna says I broke my relation with Naira over a small misunderstanding. Naira says the same to Kartik. They all reason that misunderstandings only give way to more misunderstandings. They can only be cleared out with time. We have to be patient to overcome it all. Kartik says it means Samar Chachu isn’t wrong too. He might be worried just as I am worried for Dadi and everyone else. They all decide to win everyone’s heart just like Akshara and Naira did in the past. We have to now turn Ravan into Ram. Precap: Naira shares an idea with Kartik to fix everything. Samar sees an ad in newspaper about some Haveli. Kartik and Naira meet Samar in a disguise. Update Credit to: Pooja

http://cattybilli.blogspot.com/2018/11/yeh-rishta-kya-kehlata-hai-19th.html

[selfdiscovery4me-blog]

11-5-17(First Post)

I’m doing this instead of doing my pre-calc homework because i feel like that class dosnt matter and i don't really care idk its fucking stupid i hate that teacher but i feel like he just wants kids to like him. Ive been with my girlfriend all weekend(The thought just occurred to me as how to address these from what perspective and to who, my self or an audience im doing this for myself but do i address it as if im telling a story? im not sure but thats how im going to make it seem like and we will see how that goes). I was with her and her mom, it was recently her birthday and she had a very shitty day, even though I and my Mom tried to make it better she still felt really shitty and was very upset and crying, i remember seeing her bring a blanket out of her room to wrap up and cry into and it hit me that idk like i just felt so bad like something was fucked up like i dont even know what it was but the fact that she had her blanket to comfort her maybe it was because she was cold and wanted to cuddle up but like idk it just struck me as odd and like it just seemed like thats what comforted her and like im just not even sure what to say about it, after us arguing too we finally were able to cuddle and hangout for a little bit with the dog biting us and playing around being annoying but being cute at the same time. I left feeling so confused like ive never felt before i cant explain the emotion that i felt after that like i dont know the vocabulary to put that feeling into words. It was really a mix of being sad, feeling helpless and just i was very unsure of the reasons everything was the way it was and i felt like the world was spinning around me and i was standing still watching it move it was extremely weird, I didn't know what to feel or anything. My girlfriend fell asleep, it was a very tiring day for her but i needed someone to talk to or be with so I asked my friend to come over. (Its almost as if feel 2 different range of emotions when im with my girlfriend and everyone else and they dont work together which almost always ends up bad) We hungout and just listed to music and talked, we went into the my hot tub with the kid who lives next to me. I have known him for a long time but he is kind of a shitty person and friend, weve been friends for so long but yet he switches up on me idk my girlfriend hates him because he talked shit about us and made stuff up about her. I guess im just used to it with him by now but she dosent like it and insists that i don’t be friends with him. Whenever i talk to her about it i alwys leave feeling like yeah fuck him i dont wanna be his friend but then when i see him or talk to him like i just wanna be his friend idk why if its just easy or what like hes in my friend group and not a bad person to be around, he dosent talk shit about her or us anymore around me anyway because whenever he does i continue to make him feel like shit about things he does for the rest of the day which now i dont have to do because he dosent talk. Anyway yeah i had nick over and we smoked and today Alex found out about it that i had him over, she made me promise not to hangout with my friends but i made the promise almost knowing that i wasent going to hold it yet i still continue to tell her that. She balled her eyes out today after finding that out, i apparently broke her trust again. I still love her but i want to hangout with my friends i want to go to parties :/ im so inlove with her like i cant bring myself to break up with her like i love her and it fucking sucks because our relationship is going toxic i guess and i really need to probably get out of it before i destory everything i have or had even more but i cant bring myself to do it. I think about things and like i wish everything would just go away that would make it so much easier, if she would just break up with me and leave or something that would make me break up with her like that would be easy and i think its kind of fucked that i think that but at the same time maybe that shows in the way i act its kind of fucked also that i make all these hollow promises to her when I have my own agenda which i make seem like or feel like i have no room or time for actually doing things which she wants too. Maybe i have 2 high of an exception when it comes to high school and my friends and everything i do and i want to do. I feel like she is holding me back but also a crucial part of me, I started loosing interest when more was coining out of my friend group and that started to become something of greater interest to me. Like before we all did the same shit every weekend but now its different but im not sure if it is i dont know maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. I just need someone to talk to but its hard because im fighting a mental battle between my girlfriend and all that surrounds her and my friends and all that surrounds them. I feel like i can do whatever i want and not really experience the consequences for some reason because i feel like i can pull up before getting burned but im not sure if thats really the case because i feel like everyone feels like that way about themselves probably till reality hits them.Maybe im too optimistic im optimistic in waiting for my stocks to go up like i threw 75 of my savings money into them because i hope that somehow they will go up, invested that plus about 100 other dollars into a coin that i know absolutely nothing about and im not sure if that is a good decision or a bad one or just an in the middle idk fuck theres so much going on in my head right now with school and everything too like fuck idek. I literally cannot make this decision between my friends and girlfriend like just thinking about her shes so cute and adorable and perfect when everything is how she thinks it should be but its not what is making me happy entirely like yes i love her and i like to be with her but like its not like thats all i wanna do. I cant sit sill i have to move i have to do more things like and she just wants things to remain how they once were where they appeared perfect. For some reason i feel like im a really good boyfriend and did whatever she wanted at the time because i didnt want to be made fun of or joked about like if we ever broke  up and i dint want to end things with her and have her thinking about me as a shitty boyfriend like i wanted her to think of me the way she thought of her ex but i guess in doing that i also made her never want to loose me and she now is crazy and ive been shitty to her i think but maybe i haven't but she just puts crazy rules on me and i dont like to follow them so does make that me a bad boyfriend if the rules are crazy? I think i live in an idealistic world where everything will work out for me because i think it will and i know i can put my mind to it and make it work but im not sure if that is really tested and i know i can or if im just like high on my own ego and i can get let down when it actually comes time to do it. I just fucked with my girlfeinds ig and told her i hacked it and had dudes block her which is funny cuz she left it logged on on my phone and i blocked them but ill see how long i play this out for but it made me happyish and feel good and takes my mind off of things so it was alr. I think im going to stop todays thinggy here ill probably just play with the look of my blog. Maybe ill start a website for this idk well see. i enojoy this kinda idk i still want someone to talk to but everyone just like dosent get it they always just easily pick one side but its not that easy its so hard trying to play both sides an make both side happy and work with it when one side dosent like each other and i feel like i need both things :( maybe ill type more later. Goodbye

[littledoyouknowblr-blog]

You and I

I meet you through a friend through a friend. I wont lie, I thought you where very attractive and I immediately wanted to know more about you, I wanted to know about your family, your relationship that you share with your friends, your favorite color, and what you enjoy most about the world. At the time I was still getting over some of the shitty people that had recently been in my life and tore my soul and heart to the ground. When I met you I was at a very low point in my life, I almost felt like a living rock, I was here on earth, but I was not doing anything, just kind of sitting around hoping to be picked up and appreciated. I went through some stages during that period of my life, I wanted everyones attention, I wanted to be looked at and I wanted people to want me. I wanted to be loved like people where loved in the movies, I wanted to be cuddled up and kissed on at night before I closed my eyes and went to sleep. After that stage, I hated people who where not close to me, I dint want anyone new in my life, I hated change, I didn't want to get to know an entire new human with entirely different feelings and thoughts on things, I didn't want to hear extra opinions, I wanted everything to stay how it was and I wanted the people I had around me to stay around me and nothing more or less. Next, I went with the flow, I stopped my head from thinking all time about my past, I realized I can not move forward if I keep thinking about my past. I didn't want a relationship but I loved the idea of new people in my life and meeting new people and seeing how they impacted and affected my life, during this stage of my life is when we actually spoke to each other.  

  Your friend at the time asked my friend and I if we wanted to hangout later that night, as you where supposedly seeing a girl at the time I honestly didn't think much of it other than what it was. As time grew closer to when I was supposed to meet up with you, my friend bailed on hanging with us, but i didn’t want to bail on you and your friend, I wanted to go out and have a good night with some good people.

  You where shy, very shy. You didn't speak to me unless I spoke to you, which gave me a good excuse to talk to you about stupid shit that really didn't matter. You told me about your ex girlfriend and how she still walks in and out of your life as she pleases, you told me some of the shitty things she has done to you, but you told me that you still loved her and you where not over her. You met up with her later that night and I stayed and hangout with your friends. You took so long to come back that we met up with you and your ex girlfriend, and that was the first time I met her. I was nice, but I did not like her, I wanted your attention, and I didn't want your eyes on her, but who was I to say anything haha, we where no more than friends who had not even hung out for 5 hours lol. Every time she touched you I wish it was my feeling your skin on my hand. I tried to act like her for about 2 days after I met her just to see if I could grab your attention, then I remember I need to be myself and stop looking for things, I need to calm down and not worry about anything, so I dropped all and any kind of feelings and just tried being your friend. You where the best friend that had come into my life in a long time, you had a entire different look on things than I did, you said things that I would have never thought about and you made me think more, but not about anything that hurt me, you made me think about the universe, the moon and stars, you made me think about peoples smiles and the sunshine. 

  The next night we all decided to hangout again, at my house this time, we decided to pitch a tent in my back yard, get drunk and then all sleep in the tent. We played pong, sung and danced around my garage with smiles that screamed with happiness. When we played pong against each other we locked eyes every time and the feeling I had every time it happened was weird, but not a bad kind of weird, and good kind, very good. Sip after sip, cup after cup, I had some weird feeling for you, I was unsure of what it was, but it was something that I can not give a name, it was something that ill never be able to put in words and explain to someone. That night when we all got into the tent and lied down your friend tried to lay next to me, he was really drunk and just flopped net to me where i was laying, I told you that you should move him and lay there instead, not meaning anything from it but not wanting to sleep next to anyone else there. In the middle of the night I woke up and saw you sleeping next to me, you looked so relaxed. I reached out, scared and nervous and put my hand on your back hoping you wouldn't wake up and question me, you didn't.

  The next day we did the same thing all over again, drank played pong, danced and sung. When we where alone in your car you brought it up, you asked me why I did it, why I made a move on you, why I put my hand on your back, I told you that I thought you where attractive and I didn't mean anything by it. By night time I did it again, and then you stayed here for about a week with your friends, drinking and sleeping over every night. You and your friend got into a fight and the way you looked at my apologizing after and after, I could see in your eyes that you felt bad, I could see that you didn't mean to start anything at my house, I told you time after time that it was okay, and I held the eye contact through every time I spoke to you so you would know that I was being just as honest as you.

  The next day your friend hd finally left and you stayed, we got drunk again and did what we had been doing the past week but this time, no drama, I offered for you to sleep in my bad, and your friend and her kid stayed the night too so she slept with us as baby rolled across us all night I decided to turn towards you and lean in, not thing too much and just acting on how i felt at the time, we both really got into it and you asked me if I wanted to go down stairs with you, I said yes and you followed me to my living room. We both laid on my couch and with every touch, you started fixing my broken pieces that where not visible, but only I could see and feel them. Every time you pushed you body closer to mine, every time i could feel you breathe on my neck and hear you try to catch your breathe I felt more at ease. 

After that You and I went with the flow and it was the best thing I had ever done foe my self, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You fixed me without trying too. You brought more of me out of me, and I couldn't thank you enough, thank god i’m yours.

[tellytantra]

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Aditya is sleeping. Zoya holds his hand. I know it is important for us to come closer but I want this danger to pass first. Just have patience. I need you. She keeps her head on his hand and turns to his side. Aditya also turns towards her in his sleep. Wasim is sleeping. Someone enters in his room holding a knife. Roshnaq wakes up and screams seeing the knife. Wasim wakes up because of the noise. They are shocked to see Noor standing in their room holding a knife in her hand. What are you doing here? Noor tells her Ammi she has ruined the surprise. She wishes her Abbu Happy Birthday. Roshnaq also wishes him. Wasim thanks his daughter and cuts the cake. Roshnaq looks at her phone sadly. Noor asks her Ammi where she is lost. Are you still thinking about some other important work right now? Roshnaq denies. Wasim points out that she is thinking about her daughter. She does not care. Roshnaq is sure it can never happen. Wasim blows the candles saying these are the only meaningful relations he has. I don’t care about any other relation. Noor feeds him cake. Your Noor will always stay with you. He nods and pats at her head. Next morning, Aditya, Arjun, Harsh and a few people bring in Devi Ma’s idol. Zoya looks on. Anjana tells her about Durga Ma. She is the emblem of love, mercy, strength and saviour. It is said that every woman has one of her avatars. The one who has all of it is called Devi. Unfortunately, some people lack all the virtues. Aditya, Harsh and Arjun are listening quietly from a distance. Anjana goes to pray. Aditya feels bad for Zoya. He tells his mother that every woman is Adi-Shakti. They are sometimes not just aware of it. When it happens, a woman is called Devi. Zoya is standing with her back to Durga Ma’s idol. They remove the chunri upon Pundit ji’s askance. Zoya turns and folds her hands in reverence. There are loud cheers of Jai Mata Di. Aditya glances at his wife. Anjana also looks in Zoya’s direction. Aditya is talking to someone on phone when Zoya comes outside. She realises it is 16th. She confirms the date with servant. Aditya asks her if Ma said something. She denies. Stop thinking like that. It is 16th today. It is Abbu’s birthday. I forgot all about it. I dint even call him. He wont even come to pick the phone if I call from your number. I used to go to orphanage on his every birthday to distribute toys and sweets to the kids. He asks her if she wants to meet him. She thinks to go to orphanage alone. I can spend time with kids that ways and maybe see him too. He might forgive us one day. Aditya is lost in thoughts. She asks him where he is lost. He replies that it is his favourite work to listen to him. she asks him to come with her but he excuses himself for some urgent work. She turns and is about to collide with Anjana. Anjana rebukes her for not being careful. Zoya rushes inside without saying anything. Zoya comes to the orphanage with gifts for the kids. The caretakers ask about Wasim. She sadly replies that they he dint come along. One of the ladies tells her that it is every parent’s right to scolds their kids and be upset with them. Zoya rues that she might not be able to gain his love ever. The lady assures her that it will eventually be fine. Zoya finds out that the kids have gone out for a picnic. She notices one girl named Arushi there and decides to spend some time with her. Zoya sits beside Arushi. Arushi tells her that God is upset with her which is why she fell ill. I couldn’t go with my friends. Zoya denies. You are God’s favourite child. He has sent me here to spend time with you. I got special gift for you. She gives a doll to her. They spend some good time together. Zoya notices Anjana there and gets curious. Aditya brings Arjun to some place. Arjun asks his brother why they are there when Roshnaq greets them. Aditya gives her passes for Garba Night. She agrees to try her best to bring Wasim and Noor there. He requests her to make it happen so Zoya and Wasim come face to face. She thanks him for his efforts. He replies that he is doing it for everyone. I wont be happy if she is unhappy. I have to make up for Arjun’s mistakes. Please tell him that Wasim Sir is upset with me and not him. I have eloped with his daughter after all. She smiles. They all head in separate directions. Zoya witnesses Anjana giving money to a guy. Make sure this matter is never dug again. Everyone is thinking that food poisoning happened because of expired products. There is still a lot to happen. The worst will be when I will end this relation once and for all! She leaves. Zoya wonders if it was indeed Anjana. What was she saying about Prasad? What’s happening? She remembers all the incidents and is shocked. She connects the dots. Does it imply that Mummy ji is behind all this? Precap: Zoya collides with something in Anjana’s room and a bottle falls down. It is of that poison. She later confronts Anjana in front of everyone. Aditya tells her that no one will ask Ma anything. We know her well. You think she can stoop this low in your hatred towards you? Zoya insists she isn’t lying but he points out that she is blaming his mother! Update Credit to: Pooja

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