#i do not mean ‘someone made a transphobic one-liner’.

[dihalect]

my current episode of house features a teenage supermodel. and generally i don’t put much stock in punitive “justice”, but with the way house is acting, i think one billion million gajillion years in the hellpit would be fair

[vampqueersarchive]

In a World Uncertain, Say You’ll be my Stone

Okay this is a original fic by me im sorry if its shit i was listening to an Alessia Cara song when I wrote this and used Troye songs in this as well idk its cute and i love it

Rating: G Word count: 4,427 Warnings: Accidental outing Summary: Freddie a makeup youtuber and his best friend Reese a singer decide to fake date after Freddie accidentally outs himself aka FRIENDS TO BOYFRIENDS (This is straight up fluff yo!)

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An annoying buzz was the first thing Freddie heard, a buzz he wanted to stop. Turning over with a groan he pulled his phone to his face, seeing his sister Katherine's name blinking across the too-bright screen. With weak still slow from sleep hands he finally answered with a sigh. "Hello-" He started voice gruff from just waking up. "You have got some explaining to do Mr." Katherine started in a soft, yet demanding tone. "Mum is going to kill you!" "Kat, the love of my life, Mum can kill me later, it's too early." He mumbled sleepily turning his face into the plush pillow. "Freddie, you're on the front page of every magazine, they caught you kissing Hayden." At that moment Freddie felt everything well up in his throat, suddenly all the drinks he had the night before had turned against him. He felt moments away from crying but also getting sick. "No..." he trailed off, "It can't be." he half-whispered to himself and his sister. "Kat, tell mum I'll call later." without letting her reply, he hung up his almost dead iPhone and did what he couldn't do on the phone. Freddie let himself cry, he couldn't believe he let himself get so absorbed into the night before. He could not believe he did what he promised himself he would never do until he felt that the time was right.

Freddie Barnes outed himself.

It wasn’t the fact that Freddie wanted to stay in the closet or the fact that he didn’t feel comfortable being himself. Hell no! That wasn’t Freddie, as most of Freddie's friends could attest to Bi Pride day he wore pink, lavender and blue as if his life depended on it. People. Biphobic people, homophobic people, transphobic, aphobic, nonbinaryphobic people were the ones he couldn’t handle. As strong as Freddie was he couldn’t handle all the hate that would be directed to him. Freddie knew the feeling all too well, back in Doncaster when he came out and all of his friends left him abandoned. Then a few years ago when his best friend came out and the internet flooded with so much love, but love is always drowned out by the unbearable hate. “Hayden,” Freddie spoke in a small brittle voice. Hayden Sanders his best friend who had to deal with all this hate long before, now getting even more all because of a drunken truth or dare game. All because of me Freddie thought to himself, It’s all your fault. Before Freddie could get any more down on himself a soft knock came from the other side of his door. “Come in” he softly spoke trying not to give the person an indication that he had been crying for the better part of an hour. Hayden slowly stepped through the door, looking about as rough as Freddie did. His long curls in an unruly heap that was meant to be a bun. Tear stain’s running from the waterline of his lashes, in long unforgiving streaks down to his chin. His clothes a wrinkled mess, still in the same outfit from the previous night. And worst of all he refused to meet Freddie gaze. “Hayden please look at me.” Freddie pleaded, his wobbly voice betraying him. However, Hayden still would not look into his eyes, he shuffled across the room towards Freddie bed taking Freddie tight in his arms and releasing the sobs Hayden tried so hard to keep in. This sent Freddie reeling, only tangling his fingers into Hayden’s lilac jumper, sending the tears he tried to hold back down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry Fredd.” Hayden whispered in his thick low voice. “I am so sorry.” Either of them could say any words, they only curled closer into the embrace. ~ It felt as though days past when Freddie woke up to the sound of glass clacking together. Sleepily rubbing the sleep from his eyes, pulling himself out of his large round bed and going to look for Hayden. With each step on the cold hardwood floor, Freddie remembered the hours before. The call from Katherine, another step Outing himself, another step Hayden coming crying, another step After being hit with a repeat of everything Freddie quickly made his way to his small kitchen, only to be face to face with Hayden. Hayden wasn’t himself, his usual bright cheeky smile reached his eyes. But now his eyes were dull, and his smile was just a fake one. As if he was trying to be strong for the both of them. “I made you tea, no milk like you like it,” Hayden said sliding a cup towards Freddie, placing his hands on the small island in the middle of the kitchen. “Freddie, I am so sorry. I can fix this I swear.” He pleaded, his smile faltering as his voice choked with the urge to cry. A few tetras weld up in Freddie's eyes only for him to shake his head. “H, there’s nothing you can do. What’s done is done. It was bound to happen at some point.” He shrugged, opening his arm nodding at his best friend to come in for a cuddle. “Now, all those fanfics of us will double, who knows maybe we’ll be some uni students looking for a new year’s kiss,” Freddie smirked as he sipped on his tea, causing Hayden to groan in response. “I didn’t even think of all the people that ship us. It’s rather cute though don’t you think.” Hayden mused, wrapping his arm around the small of Freddie back, making them connect seamlessly as they always do. Freddie giggled nodding, “I quite like the ones where we fake date each other to be honest. But that’s off the record Sanders.” The stern voice only to be compromised by the joyful expression, sending crinkles up to his eyes. A pleasant silence consumed the two of them before the elephant in the room became too much to bear. “Why don’t I call the lads?” Hayden suggested, looking at the wobble of Freddie's lip. “Please?” ~ Hours later and a distraction of pizza and makeovers lefts Freddie feeling better, that was until he decided to check his phone. As soon as he plugged in his rose gold iPhone, he went about his usual routine and clicked on twitter. As the app loaded Freddie nerves kicked in, dropping his phone to the ground causing Hayden, Ashton, and Liam to jump in their seats. As if in an instant, the boys were all wrapped tightly around Freddie, whispering sweet compliments into his hair. This went on until Freddie was finally calmed enough and stopped crying, mumbling a soft thank you in return. “Lads,” Hayden spoke up only nodding his head before it was just Freddie and Hayden in the room. “Freddie, I have an idea.” At this moment Freddie was up for any idea, that even included running through the streets of London with a bi-colored suit that read out “Freddie Barnes Is Bi” in big glittery letters. “Freddie I think we should fake date.” “Fake date?!?” Freddie screeched. “Hayden you have got to be kidding me, you finally got over all this hate about you being pan. You can finally kiss whoever you want in your videos without being bombarded with hate. Why would you do that?” Freddie whispered, looking down at his lap in defeat. “Fredd, I know how it feels going through this alone. I know how scary it can be, Freddie I don’t want my best friend to ever feel the same thing I did. Please let me help you for once.” Racking his brain with every negative outcome that could happen, Freddie suddenly was met with the widest pair of bright green eyes he had ever seen. At that moment Freddie knew all of his hindsight went out the window. “Okay, Hayden.” - It took Freddie a 30 minute laughing fit, followed by incoherent whispers of “I’m going to pretend to date my best friend” before anyone started to worry. Liam tried to help by bringing Freddie out some tea with lavender, to calm his nerves. While all the laughing made Ashton anxious and thus started to laugh too, causing Hayden to have to take a video of Ashton’s full out hollowing. When Liam finally came back in and connived Freddie to drink the tea, the room became far more relaxed. “So, someone please fill us in on what just caused all of that?” Ashton sounded horse from the laughing fit he just put himself through. “Hayden asked Freddie to fake date him,” Liam replied simply as Hayden nodded next to him. As soon as Liam spoke the hot tea came full force back out of Freddie's mouth in a spit take, sending him into a coughing fit. “Wait you knew?” Freddie coughed out. Liam just shrugged taking a sip of the tea he made for himself. “Who do you think gave him the idea? Look, Barnes, before you get all upset it’s better for the both of you. Coming at this purely from a pr standpoint, you can come out, be happy about your self, Hayden can spend more time with you, and either of you have to deal with any of the hate alone.” Ashton nodded, “Plus that means we can finally tweet about all the adorable shite you two do before you started to date.” He chipped in adding air quotes around ‘date’. “Fredd,” Hayden stated, “It’s the least I can do for you, and you have already done so much for me.” It took Freddie sometimes to think over it before he finally managed to agree. “So what’s our plan?” ~ Freddie knew exactly how this was going to go down, a simple coffee date, a few pap pictures, they hold hands news hits the stands, and then Freddie makes his coming out video. Even though having it all written down on paper helped, it also really didn’t. Things weren’t that simple. Freddie knew if they didn’t make this look believable enough it could all come shattering down around them. His nerves were in high gear making it almost impossible to even fill his brows properly much less try to do a flawless winged eyeliner. Holding up his rose lip liner from NYX he noticed his hands shaking making him even more nervous for the day. Adding his pink macaroon butter gloss, and then adding subtle glittered highlighter Freddie knew he was going to do this. And he was going to be the best fake boyfriend anyone could ever be. Well, that was until Freddie arrived at the coffee place. It was a small hole in the wall place that of course, Hayden would pick out. It looked like a try-hard hipster place that just didn’t feel right, maybe it was the deception he was about to do, or just the place itself but Freddie wasn’t sure about the plan any longer. As if on cue Hayden was right next to him, smiling his wide dimpled grin that melted the heart of everyone Hayden met, and Freddie could not be any more thankful for it at that moment. “H, what if we can’t do this?” Freddie whispered, trying to make sure that his fear didn’t lace his voice. Hayden only grinned wider in response, “I got you, I’ll keep you afloat.” Freddie felt his nerves melt instantly. His hands were no longer shaking, his racing heart slowly coming down to a soft tempo and everything clicking into place. - The date went much the same as any other time Freddie and Hayden are together, at least one picture of the other doing something silly, tons of banter and a few compliments (but of course Freddie still had to make at least one jab, now that Hayden is famous he doesn’t need an ego), and of course plenty of platonic kissing and cuddles. Now it felt so much more forced, causing Freddie to shy away every time Hayden’s hand lingered a bit too long. “Fredd,” Hayden spoke up trying to distract him from any negativity he may be having. “It’s just me it’s okay.” He tried to console only to make Freddie shy away more. “H, it just doesn’t feel right, it’s not for us anymore it’s for everyone.” Hayden could only frown in response as the waitress came to pick up their empty cups, “I’m sorry to intrude,” she started, a thick welsh accent rolling off her tongue “Would you mind if I get a picture?” The pair looked towards each other only to be interrupted by her laughing. “No with me silly, the two of you blokes. Hayden, I’ve been listening to your stuff forever, and Freddie you are just so sweet. The both of you just make me so happy, I kinda just want to see you two the same way.” They both agreed to get up from their seats cuddling close to each other for the picture, as she took the photo Freddie looked over and seen what she meant. Hayden looked so happy to be with Freddie, his eyes light up more than the stars in the night sky. Freddie wanted to name one for Hayden at that moment, but his thought was broken when Hayden asked she send the picture to him on twitter. Freddie knew at that moment everything was going to be fine. - “Fredd,” Hayden hummed out, as they walked out hand in hand into the chilled autumn air of London. Freddie only made a nose in return nuzzling his face into the sleeve of the brown leather jack Hayden sported. The conversation, however, was abruptly halted by the sounds of the camera’s clicking, and whispers of the people behind them. Freddie could only sigh in response before he smiled up at Hayden. “Come on, Boo lets give them something to take a picture of.” Before Freddie could comprehend what was happening, Hayden had to take Freddie and twirled him around, both of them giggling and squealing with delight as their two bodies left almost no space between them. There was a clear crimson blush lining both of there cheeks as another snap went off. Maybe they could do this. ~ The next day Freddie woke up to another annoying buzz of his phone, of course, he knew exactly who it was this time. Hayden's contact name popped up on the screen, Freddie couldn't help but smile and feel so much love when he saw it. “Hel-” He was cut off by screaming in the background from none other than Ashton. “Boo,” Hayden whined into the phone. “They released the pictures and Ashton won't believe me that we aren't dating.” Even though the phone Freddie could tell he was pouting. The usual Hayden pout where he tried to look all angry yet sad, and end up just looking like an oversized toddler. “Put the wanker on the phone,” Freddie giggled rolling his eyes. The phone switched over and a very excited scream erupted through the phone. “Holy shit, Ash can you be even more excited for a little fake relationship.” “Fredd you can't lie to me. I got those Irish instincts and you lot are lying.” Ashton huffed out in pride. Freddie could only smirk at the wildness of his friend. “Yeah, yeah Mr. Ireland. Give the phone back to curls now will ya.” “Give the phone back to curls! Now that's going on twitter.” Ashton shouted as the phone was handed back to Hayden. “Boo I thought you said you were going to fix this,” Hayden said in a mock sad tone. “But it's Ash, what will ya do?” Hayden chuckled out his thick voice spoke in a slow soothing hum, sending a pleasant wave of warm down Freddie's spine. Freddie nodded humming in response before he realized why Hayden called in the first place. “Did the pictures turn out well?” “Fredd don't worry everyone is talking about them, I'm pretty sure Frayden is trending on twitter right now. But I was meaning to ask you something?” “And what would that be the love of my life?” “Hah ha very funny Fredd, but Liam thought it would be a good idea if we did more stuff together. Ya know after you make your coming out video.” That hadn't even crossed Freddie's mind having to make that video, the video where he couldn't turn back. The video where he had to lie and say his best friend was the person he was dating. “Yea,” he whispered into the phone. “Hayden can you be there when I record the video, please I need it.” “You don't have to ask Fredd, you're my best friend. Our friendship comes first.” A smile spread across Freddie's cheeks sending crinkles to the corner of his bright blue eyes. “Come over tomorrow okay?” - Freddie spends the day procrastinating, usually, that meant going on twitter but that was the last place he even wanted to look at. Instead, he decided to do something big tomorrow. He was going to do a coming outlook. Putting on his old vans and a pink knitted beanie he went to the closest drug store and found everything he needed from NYX. Picking up white eyeliner, the ultimate shadow palette, and the matte lip cream in soule, Moscow, and Paris. As he headed for the check out a young boy came up to him and hugged him without any warning. “Hi, Freddie!” The young boy chirped in excitement, “My mum is letting me get makeup thanks to you!” The boy smiled his whole face lighting up. Freddie couldn't hold back the pride he felt in helping this little boy become confident and feel okay to wear makeup. “That's amazing little lad, make sure to-” Freddie was cut off by the little boy finishing his line “Get Nyx because Nyx is best!” the boy smiled hugging Freddie one last time before he went off to get his make up. Knowing by just having his makeup channel he made that much of a difference he knew coming out could only make an even better one. ~ “Thanks for watching everyone and I'll see you next time.” Freddie smiled huffing a sigh as soon as Hayden turned off the camera. “Fredd that was amazing you did so well.” Hayden grinned opening his arms pulling Freddie into a tight hug. “But I hope you realize you're gonna have to do a pan look for the next pride.” “Nahh, you can watch the tutorial.” Freddie giggled pulling away from the hug, finally getting to look in the mirror without so much anxiety running through him. Freddie felt amazing, light pink and purple on his upper lid, flowed into a blue making his eye pop and a white-winged linger flicking out to a dramatic curve. His lips mimicking the bi flag and the sliver and purple glitter lining his cheeks. He then looked up behind him where Hayden was sanding smiling at his best friend with so much pride. “Thank you for being here, H.” “Anything for you Boo,” Hayden said his thick warm voice filling the room. “Liam wanted me to talk to you about something though.” Freddie's mood dropped instantly thinking that he would have to go through his alone. All of his fears welling upon his face as Hayden looked back over to Freddie with a frown. “Fredd, no don't worry. It's nothing bad I promise.” He said taking Freddie's hand and leading him to sit on the bed. “He said we should try kissing in front of the paps, or even when we film one of the videos or when you come to my concert with in the next two months..” He trailed off slowly toning his voice into a mumble. Freddie didn't really know how to respond. He gently squeezed Hayden's hand to try and clam him a bit. “Liam wants to make it look natural?” Freddie asked tracing his finger along the lines of Hayden's anchor. Hayden could only blush and nod, “Um... Yea.” “Well let's practice.” Freddie leaned in first, tipping his head slightly to the left as Hayden leaned to the right. They both fluttered closed, as their lips connected in what Freddie felt like a spark. Freddie hands trailed up and tangled his fingers into the ends of his curls. Hayden moved his arms to wrap around Freddie's waist. The feeling of safety and love spread throughout Freddie traveling to his fingertips. His fingers felt like sparks as he tried to pull Hayden closer when their lips worked together in what felt like a perfectly tuned orchestra playing in a beautiful symphony. To Freddie, the world felt as if the world stood still until the moment they pulled apart. The pulled apart blinking at each other in a form of shock and content, giggling like school kids who kissed their crush out in the schoolyard. A blush spread across Hayden's cheeks only causing Freddie to smile wider. “Come on, Romeo” Freddie started. “Let's film our first video.” ~ The first month went by with ease for the most part. The fans and paps loved their chemistry. They became the most talked about couple in all of 2016 Kimaye be damned. The fans loved when the two of them started to live stream, and even when Hayden made Freddie sing one of his songs. (The hashtag Frayden Sing Youth trended for almost two days.) However, with all the love came hate. Many people would come on Freddie channel and just say he was using Hayden for fame. Others would send biphobic messages to Hayden over Freddie only to get blocked in return. But for the most part, they were accepted. Ashton wasn't helping on the casual dating front though. Every time the lads were together Ashton would tweet something cute they said or even post a picture. Ashton convinced their fans at one point they were living together and adopted a kitten when he posted a picture of Freddie kissing Hayden's cheek as Hayden held up a small sphynx kitten in his hand. In all everything was starting to become Freddie life. Every Tuesday film two videos of his own and maybe one with Hayden. Wednesday was their best friend breakfast date that over the last month turned into a fake dating date. And on the weekends Freddie helped Hayden filming for his new music video series. And today was finally the release of Wild and also the day of the concert. In all Freddie felt a bubble of excitement well up. To celebrate the event Freddie and Hayden were going to do a live stream of them dying their hair matching colors before the event. It was 10 o'clock and Hayden still wasn't there. The hour soon changed over and Hayden still wasn't there. Freddie didn't know what to feel, he tried calling and it was straight to voice mail, he tried texting and no response. It was only 3 hours until the video premiere so Freddie texted once more before starting the live stream. The stream ended as the video went up and Freddie couldn't be more stressed. He kept running his hands through his new bubble gum pink hair as he refreshed his phone waiting and hoping for Hayden. But no call no text, he got nothing from Hayden. That's when the night came crashing in when Freddie got a text from Liam saying “Hayden's sorry.” - Day's went by and there was still no message from Hayden, everyone was tweeting asking when the next live stream would be, or even asking if the two of them were okay. It took a full week before Freddie shut down on himself. Every time he looked in the mirror and saw pink it made him want to shave his head. When he saw the tattoos, he had to pull on a sweater before he would start to cry. One drunken night Freddie could not hold back his feelings anymore, so he called Ashton. “Fredd, hey are you okay?” Ashton's voice seemed just weak as Freddie did until he realized it was 3 am. “Ash, I made my best friend hate me, he won't even talk to me anymore. Why did I do this? Why did I say yes to him.” Freddie sobbed before his words became incoherent. The other end of the line was quite before Freddie whispered in a wrecked voice from crying, “Ashton?” “Barnes,” Ashton started. “H fell in love with you.” ~ Freddie woke up again the same way he woke up two months prior. His phone buzzing but this time it was Hayden. Freddie picked up but he couldn't talk he felt so weak like he couldn't. “Fredd,” Hayden whispered in a soft rough voice from what sounded to be crying. “Can I come in?” “Of course.” and with that, Freddie heard his front door unlock as Hayden made his way into the room. Freddie met him there opening the door and let him in. “So,” Hayden looked town paying with the hem of his pullover. “I guess the cats out of the bag.” Freddie laughed only going back to the stony expression he started with. “Don't you dare make me laugh Sanders I'm still mad at you.” the room went silent as Hayden looked up to meet Freddie's eyes. “Why didn't you tell me?” “Because, why would you love me back? You're Freddie Barnes, you are perfect and amazing, and my best friend. I never meant for it to get this far.” He said voice wobbling try to hold back his tears. “H, you're always going to be my friend, but-” “No Boo, don't 'but' me” Hayden pleaded but before he could get any more out Freddie pulled him into a kiss. “You're always going to be my friend first, and my boyfriend second.” - The two stayed intertwined for the next few hours, nothing could get in between them. They felt content in each other's arms as they talked about nothing and play with each other makeup. The two of them feeling so happy and comfortable with each other they knew it had to be fiat. It was days later when they finally deiced to post a picture. Hours before Hayden finally dyed his hair and they thought it would be the best time to show it off. The picture was posed with Freddie's pink hair and Hayden's soft mint hair as they sat cross-legged holding hands while they kissed then captioned it “Friends before anything else.”

~Fin~

[freisin]

RULES.

DISCLAIMER.   this is a private, independent and selective multimuse for characters from the attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin series. i don’t own the characters or the series. neither the story nor the characters belong to me nor share my views.

02.   this blog is mutually exclusive and slow activity. it is extremely rare that i will follow others first due to how active i am. if i do not follow you back after a week, it is fine to assume that i may not at all. i aim to only follow blogs that i can definitely see myself interacting with.

03.   standard etiquette applies: no racist, homophobic, transphobic or any oppressive behavior is allowed on my dash. do not godmod. do not metagame. do not forceship and do not rush me for replies. if any of this is broken i will softblock you.

04.   all headcanons and writing are my own. please do not steal these. my portrayals are extremely important to me and i do not take kindly to being used as a source of inspiration because of it.  please do not use me only as an aesthetic source, either. my psd was made by ruinise on tumblr.

05.   i use icons and a mixture of large and small text in my replies. you do not have to match my format to reply. while wordcount doesn’t bother me, all i ask is for a similar amount of effort be put into your replies ( i.e: giving me more than a one liner in response to a paragraph. ) my reply time can be extremely slow, but unless i have let someone know, it is most likely i have not dropped a thread. my muse can be fickle at the best of times.

06.    i don't really have a muse page? i mean the closest you’ll get is here. this very, very may make it quite difficult for other people to choose but if you want the one soldier who mentions having work on the inside in chapter 45 i can see what I can do … maybe even that old man who has a meeting with pixis about the walls... there are some muses I won’t play due to my unfamiliarity of them, but you can ask whatever you’d like. the ten “main” muses here are: armin, annie, mike, ymir, sasha, zeke, gabi, hitch, erwin, connie & floche !

07.   my trigger format has and always will be trigger /. at this moment in time i do not have any triggers that need tagging. while jean is 18+ post timeskip, nsfw will be very rare here, and will usually come under a more gorish side than anything else.

08.   some of my muses aren’t nice people, and will have incredibly messed up morals / ideals about the situations they’re in. ultimately i do not share their opinions and i will not try to glorify them. if you need me to tag anything, please let me know. 

09.   shipping is extremely hard for me in general, and i prefer to do so with those who i have plotted and discussed with naturally, but i usually tend to stick to the platonic ones with many people more often than not. i will not ship any of the cadets with any of the veterans. i do practice mains and exclusives, however, but i prefer to get to know a mun first before i proceed on the matter.

10.   the names jordan and if im not here im on my reiner, porco or jean. have fun xoxo

[transgendeerboy]

I can't seem to stop feeling sad and empty. I shouldn't feel sad. I should be happy and confident. After this long wait, this long time spent searching, I know who I am. And I like who I am.

The thing that really sucks is that other people don't. Some don't know. Some don't like it. Some don't know but if they did they wouldn't like it. And it sucks. 

It sucks that they put political signs in their yard, proclaiming their support for people who wish me dead. It sucks that they laugh at anti-queer jokes and support transphobic public figures.  It sucks that they make bigoted statements and wonder why I'm so "touchy" when I get offended by it. "Offended" is a dirty word, unless it's them being offended because there are people in the world who are different from them. 

I go to the same church I've gone to all my life. I don't really know why I still go beyond the fact that it's easier to maintain that particular status quo than it is to endure my family's questions. So I go. The church has one of those stupid signs out front which always has some ridiculous one liner on it. My grandmother is in charge of that sign. Right now it says: "Don't like the way you were born? Try being born again." That feels kind of targeted if I'm being honest. I hate it. That kind of thing is why people hate American Christianity so much. Love your neighbor? Sorry, I don't even know her. I'll gladly slap her in the face with this shiny Bible though.

The thing is, there's really nothing wrong with being offended by bigotry. It means that you feel things. It means you have passion and compassion and empathy. The only reason they think there's something wrong with it is because they don't like anything that pushes against their cis white heteronormative worldview. They don't want to feel empathy for people who are different from them because it might mean their views would need to change. It might mean accepting that they aren't always right. 

When I was in high school, I tried to kill myself. I didn't understand who I was back then but I knew that I was different. And everyone around me knew too. They didn't let me forget it. I wasn't successful with that attempt and I'm glad that I wasn't, but those old feelings are the same ones I'm feeling now. The thing that helped me get out of that mindset back then was moving. I went to live with my dad for a while. Social media wasn't a thing back then. It was the 90s. So moving got me away from the people who were hurting me. That allowed me time to heal. Social media is a thing now. It's really difficult to get away from the bullies in 2021. 

I could delete my accounts, of course. But that would also mean cutting myself off from the friends I've made, cutting myself off from my fandoms and some of my local support systems. I could block the people that I know are bad for my mental health, and I've done quite a lot of that, but it wouldn't stop the articles and the people who laugh react when the news reports the death of a trans person. It won't stop the ads and the hateful comments on those ads. 

Last week, an ad for a trans health survey came across my feed, so I clicked on it because that's relevant to me and I am happy to do my part to improve trans healthcare. But the comments on that ad were atrocious. So I said, "hey OP, maybe clean up this comment section. How are you going to help us with healthcare if you can't even keep derogatory comments off of an ad targeted to us?" Then someone with a profile picture that said something about being kind to everyone said essentially, "Everyone has an opinion. You just have to take the good with the bad." Le sigh. So you should be kind to everyone unless they're like me. You should be kind unless you feel entitled to hate someone just because they exist and want their needs to be met. Got it. 

It's all very overwhelming and it's hard not to be sad. I honestly really like myself. I wish my body was different. I wish my voice was deeper. But I'm beginning to see myself in the mirror and I know that guy. I like that guy. And the fact that so many people hate me without even really knowing me hurts. 

[yenneferw]

Anon requested: “Peter is being bullied and the kids think he doesn’t actually know Tony and Tony proves them wrong and picks Peter up from school or calls him during class or something to show public connection and be petty?”

let me know if you enjoy!

Peter was exhausted. He had spent the whole night before out on patrol with Tony and still couldn’t collapse in bed the moment he got home because he had homework. He had asked May if he could skip school, just this once, just to nap, and she had given him a look—one that told him that he didn’t need to ask that question again to know the answer. If you want to be Spider-Man, you have to balance your superhero life with your student one, and You shouldn’t have stayed out so late, and One of these days I’m going to strangle Tony Stark. All predictable Aunt May answers, but he thought he’d ask anyway.

So he trudged through the hallways between periods, and forced his eyes to pry themselves open between long blinks in class. It would have been a good day if he weren’t so mind-numbingly tired.

Until Spanish, that was. His teacher was giving a lecture about people making sure they paid attention to the little things, and maybe Peter could have managed to keep his eyes open if they had been doing anything, but it was the millionth time that year that he had heard the speech about the importance of pluralidad. He looked down at his desk and felt his eyes shut at some point, and it was only intended to be for a moment, only intended to happen so he didn’t have to listen, but when he heard laughing around him and the sound of his name, he figured it was a little bit longer.

“Señor Parker, tienes sueño?”

He jerked his head up and looked at the teacher. “What?”

The teacher let out a breath and turned around, away from Peter. Someone near him whispered in his direction, “What, did dinner with the Avengers take too long last night?” The boy’s tone was condescending and it grated at Peter’s skin.

He didn’t need the glory of being Spider-Man, but he wished some of the people who teased him so much knew that he wasn’t just some weird, nerdy kid who really liked the Avengers. He wished that they understood that he was actually out there saving people’s asses, and that the night before he had been out late fighting crime with an Avenger. He wished that he could at least say that he was busy with the “Stark internship,” but even that caused people to roll their eyes.

It was just frustrating that when it wasn’t transphobic insults it was treating him like he was weird because he had ever talked about the “Stark internship.”

He sat through the rest of Spanish and the rest of the day, not trusting his eyes to just close for a moment anymore. All he looked forward to was hurrying home and taking the longest nap in his life. He told himself he wouldn’t be spideying at all that night—he was tired, he had homework, he wanted to spend some time with May. No, tonight was strictly a Peter Parker Night.

He thought this now, and with conviction, but he was sure that later once he woke up from his nap, he would already be thinking about the best time to go out and look for crime.

It was exhausting to be a superhero during the school year. How did adults do it with, like, taxes and shit?

At decathlon practice it was all he could do to not lean back against the wall in the corner and shut his eyes where he hoped no one would notice. MJ could tell how tired he was and took it easy on him, though. He checked his phone while some of the others were up taking their turns running through questions.

There was one from May—What do you want to eat tonight?—and one from Tony, of all people: Look for Happy’s car after school.

Peter’s heart immediately jumped. What was it? A mission? Had Tony decided to just give him the iron spider suit, for regular friendly neighborhood crime-fighting? Did he do something wrong the night before?

All he could do was look at the clock, anxiously waiting for it to be time to go.

Ned came over to him and sat down next to him. “Hey, how’s staying awake coming?”

“Much better now,” he said through a yawn. “Tony just texted me and told me to look for Happy’s car.”

“Happy as in—isn’t that the guy who drives you to the Avengers’ place?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, him. That Happy,” he said.

“Dude—” Ned’s eyes were wide and he nudged Peter. “Dude, do you think there’s another mission? Do you think you’re going to Germany?”

He shrugged, looking over at Ned, and the possibilities of what a mission could be went through his head quickly, though none of them seemed likely. Had aliens returned? Was there a secret government agency intent on destroying them all? Were ghosts real? That last one was probably the least likely, but it was definitely the most exciting. And the most terrifying. “I don’t know, he never tells me anything and when I ask he usually just says he doesn’t wanna type it out.”

“He’s, like, a tech genius. Shouldn’t he understand how to use talk-to-text?” Ned asked, a frown on his face.

“I don’t know. I don’t know how the Avengers work. I mean, he has really cool AI—he made me some really cool AI—you’d think he’d have an even better version of talk-to-text.”

Ned paused, looking over at him. “Peter, you have a weird life.”

“Yeah, I really do.”

…

After decathlon practice was over, he waved goodbye to MJ and the rest of the team, and waited for Ned as he grabbed something he forgot out of his locker. He insisted on coming with Peter out to the car—What if all the Avengers are in the car, Peter? What if I miss a chance to meet all the Avengers?—so they walked out together, both of them formulating their own versions on exactly what Peter was going to be told out in the car.

When they walked to the place where kids picked up their parents, Peter was looking around for the black car that Happy always drove. But Ned nodded in the direction of a big group of kids already flocking around someone, and when Peter was able to see through a couple of the people, he saw Tony Stark, leaning against Happy’s car, looking nonchalantly at his phone out in the Midtown Tech pickup area.

Holy shit.

“Peter, that’s Tony,” Ned said, looking over at him with wide eyes. He nudged his arm a couple thousand times in the matter of seconds, and then said, louder this time, “Peter, that’s Tony Stark!”

Peter remembered last night, when he was complaining a mile a minute about homework, about someone who said something annoying out on patrol the other night, about how people always teased him about the Stark internship because no one believed him. And when he was done with his rant, he thought that Tony had just nodded along and put in “mm-hmm”s where appropriate, but all he wanted was a listener, whether they were truly listening or not.

He hadn’t thought that he would act on any of the things that Peter complained about.

He really was like a strange, distant, eccentric uncle sometimes. Peter stepped toward the group of people, many of them asking for Tony’s autograph, as Happy sat in the car with the window down. He could see how wary Happy looked, to just have Tony out there at the high school like this, but Happy was always like that.

When they got closer to the group of people standing at a distance around Tony that seemed only to be imposed by the stare Happy gave anyone that got too close to the car, many people turned to look at him. Over the confused murmurs, he heard a couple, “No way…”s.

Yeah, way! he wanted to say to all of them. Shove my Stark internship up your ass!

“Peter, please, will you convince Tony Stark to take me home, too?” Ned said, snapping him out of his fantasy one-liners. “There is honestly no experience that I’ve ever wanted to have this much in my life.”

Peter grinned over at him. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” he said, picking up his pace and going around the group of people toward Tony. He walked up to him. “Hey, Mr. Stark.”

Tony looked up from his phone at the two of them and then nodded to the car as he got in the front seat next to Happy. Peter and Ned climbed into the back and Tony turned around to talk to them. “Thank that’ll shut them up?” he said.

He hesitated for a moment. That was really all this was? Shutting people up? He didn’t understand Tony. But he nodded enthusiastically and answered, “Yeah, I think that’ll do the trick.”

Tony looked at Ned and nodded to him. “You’re… Ned, right?”

Ned nodded, eyes wide and speechless.

“Well, where to? Your place or Ned’s?” Tony asked him.

“Uh.” Peter looked over at Ned, who was still too speechless to make a decision. “My place is good.”

Tony nodded and the window separating the front from the back rolled up. Ned turned to Peter slowly and pointed to the mirror that now stood between them and the adults, mouthing the words, Tony! Fucking! Stark!

Yeah. Tony Fucking Stark. He had a really weird life.

[knightofbalance-13]

It’s Only Homophobic If I Don’t Like It/All LGBT People Must Think Like ME!

https://rwbycrit.tumblr.com/post/163790412947/speaking-over-lgbt-people-totally-okay-sarcasm

AKA Double Standard the post.

oh boy is there a lot to dissect in this one. first, hey dude, are you lgbt in any way, shape, or form? at all? if not, shut the fuck up

1. Actually, yes I am. I occupy a weird space between heterosexual and demisexual to my neurological condition. So you’re first point is immediately invalidated. And in fact, due to your accusations, your entire post either falls because of this...or you yourself are homophobic.

2. Yeah....and yet when Dudeblade does this later, you don’t call it out at all. You let it go even though, by your logic, he’s doing the exact same thing as me. But since it’s what you want, it’s not homophobic. so screw any LGBT people who didn’t agree with you huh?

there is…. a lot of casual homophobia here. 1. “you people” 2. “bitching about every straight couple” 3. “screeching homophobia” like. slow down, dude. the post has only just begun and you’re being homophobic.

Yeah...except that I call out Dudeblade in the exact same manner as this person, group him in with the “you people” and talk about him with the others and in fact most of my ange ron him...and he’s straight. Now what do they actually have in common? Being RWDE posters. So either you’re an idiot or you are willfully misrepresenting what I say.

there you go with that "you people” bs again. 1. calling the lgbt community “toxic” is literal homophobic rhetoric. 2. you say blame rt like it’s not their fault…. are they not to blame for making the conscious decision to not include even one (1) lgbt character in 5 years/4 volumes lmao?

1. Look at the point above: You just look homophobic for thinking that the LGBT community is a hivemind.

2. Did they ever SAY when the character was coming? No? Then they don’t have a deadline to meet ergo they can take their sweet ass time doing it, as creators are entitled to do.

1. it’s been five (5) years, my dude. we’re way past “not immediately. 2. lgbt characters are not something lgbt viewers should have to sit and wait for, or ”“deserve”“ (in I believe Monty’s words”). they are not prizes.

And you are not LGBT viewers: You are RWDE viewers which is not wholely made of LGBT people. Funny how most of your arguments fall apart by looking at the context huh?

this is so homophobic lmao i can’t believe im reading it with my own two fucking eyes. 1. “everyone blames the lgbt community” everyone does that anyway 2. “you are that insecure about yourselves that everything must mirror you” you’re the one witting a fucking essay about how shows don’t need to have an lgbt character and can be filled to the brim with cishets, my dude. it looks like one of us is the insecure one, and it’s not the lesbian lmao 3. also nice blaming the lgbt community for homophobia. like, thanks homophobe, never heard that one before

1. Actually, a few of your members (read: RWDE) have said that being straight is dragging the show down so that’s a lie.

2. Well, I'm not the one taking your words out of context and making everything fall apart simply by existsing and context. If you were so secure about yourself, you wouldn’t NEED an LGBT character in your show. I usually don’t give a shit about a person or character’s sexuality unless it has massively creepy undertones (like Puri Puri Prisoner from One Punch Man. Seriously, fuck that guy, going around attacking and molesting people just because he’s stronger. Hero my fucking ass.)

3. Once again, you are displaying the thought process of “Every LGBT person MUST think like em or else they are not LGBT.” AKA LGBT people are not like normal people and are a hivemind. Which, like I have said in this very post, is homophobic.

1. MILES also made this promise, you dumb fuck 2. they do have the obligation to include an lgbt character lmao 3. no they don’t. 4. calling lgbt people abusers lmao. love that Homophobia™ 5. what actions and how are they irredeemable………….. ?????? calling rt out on not including an lgbt character in 5 years despite promising us and then making me sit thru the ‘Life and Times of Jaune Arc, Sad Heterosexual Boy’? get fucked

1. Proof. 2. Not anymore: You people (read; RWDE) have pretty much shown that if you are given anything, you will tear everything to shreds so if they never do it: You have only your selves to blame. 3. Ah so they are not allowed to do anything you don’t want them to do. Sounds familiar... (https://helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm) 4. Nope, calling RWDE absuers: Glad to see you cannot comprehend that LGBT people are, shock, people with different ideas because sexuality is mostly a non factor in how a person is. 5. Give me a minute: https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163768158700/hey-remember-what-a-mirror-is (A gleeful assortment of what just one person has done.) https://bluepulserjaime.tumblr.com/post/163547055676/so-just-because-jaune-was-in-a-dress-and-camp (trying ti remove freedom of speech. Also he said that the CRWBY are only being praised because they are white. http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/163589308451/just-because-jaune-was-in-a-dress-and-camp-camp#notes Oh hey, you’re in there too!) https://sokumotanaka.tumblr.com/post/163181907124/okay-so (Supporting a guy who outright insulted Monty) https://rwby-analysis.tumblr.com/post/162751186437/ejladybug-its-pretty-low-to-accuse-someone-of (ATTACKING an LGBT person because, get this, they didn’t insult Miles and Kerry) That enough because I can go into the harassment, the bigotry, the double standard, the attacks against other LGBT people, the devaluing of human life and so on.

how are you even comparing critiquing a show and it’s writing to actual, real life ABUSE, you disgusting human being?

also, who the fuck is the victim in this? rt??????

Ah yes, critique...that consists of lying, msirepresneting and cheating...and attacking the writers while trying to get them fired so a woman can take over...constantly insulting them while saying you are their fans...then trying to humiliate them by making a spectacle and then blaming them...while treating them as a factory for LGBT characters or as robots that should only do as they say instead of people...Making the CRWBY hesitant to answer any and all questions that might set you off...as you control what they do, when they do it...Like an abuser (https://helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm)

So yes, yes they are.       

1. jaune asking weiss to the dance 2. weiss giving neptune Sad Heterosexual Looks bc she had a crush on him 3. pyrrha being a Sad Heterosexual bc she has an ~unrequited love~ for jaune 4. pyrrha literally kissing jaune 5. ren and nora’s background and Meaningful Heterosexual Looks, all but confirming renora 6. not to mention all the more one liners about how many characters are SO attracted to the 'opposite gender’ (ie qrow with the waitress)

1. ah yes, because t’s bad if a heterosexual is having love woes. Doesn’t TAHT sound bigoted?

2. Ship sank and was sued for character development. 3. Ship also sank and was used for character development. 4. Ship sank. 5. Because Asexuals, demisexuals and bisexuals don’t exist apparently (and both Ren and Nora have aspects of the first two.) 6. Look at 5

yes, 'tis was I, the Homosexual, that was the homophobe all along! anyway, calling out homophobic/transphobic jokes is not homophobic, I can’t believe i actually have to say that.

Yes...except those jokes are not what you call them. By this logic, every joke ever made is some kind of phobic and thus humor as a whole shouldn’t exist. And since people make jokes about straight and cisgender people, logically they are allowed to make the same jokes for LGBT people. That IS what equality means.

“the lgbt community doesn’t deserve anything” ohhhhhh my god

“Only people who think like me are LGBT” Really, whose the homophobe here?

1. it’s probably because bumbleby is? the most popular? lgbt ship? in? the fandom?????? 2. im not even gonna TOUCH on asexuality and the lgbt community lmao 3. also like Bumbleby can, in fact, be a ship made up of not only two lesbians, but two bisexual women, a bisexual woman and a lesbian, a pansexual woman and a lesbian, or a bisexual woman and a pansexual woman. 4. just say you hate wlw and go!

1. And what about the people who don’t like Bumbleby and are LGBT? Like this person (https://darkvioletcloud.tumblr.com/post/163803510478/rwde-and-rwby-critical-is-making-me-hate-bumblebee) 2. Because if you don’t consider them LGBT because they aren’t you. 3. And you can have two gay men, one bisexual man and one gay man, one bisexual man and one pansexual man, one pansexual woman and one bisexual man, two pansexual men or woman, one pansexual man and woman, one bisexual man and woman. Bumbleby is not your only option for LGBT representation. Or are you just using the guise of representation to force your ship? Seems that way to me. 4. I don’t: I’m a White Rose Shipper. You’re the one who hates anything not wlw from your attitude.

1. im not going to comment about the suicide baiting bc i honestly know nothing about it so 2. didn’t you, earlier, in this very post, say treating the lgbt community like it was a hive mind is homophobic? and yet.

1. Another example of irredeemable shit. 2. I know one would because one HAS done it. My friends in this fandom are all LGBT and they have called this out too. Hell, the guy I linked to is bi AND trans. No one likes being used for another’s agenda. Also, you have been acting LIKE the LGBT community is a hivemind.  3. Dudeblade is straight and talking over LGBT people: He’s doing what you accused me of. And yet not a word against him.  Double Standard much?

1. renora was suggested from the beginning 2. pyrrha and jaune literally kissed on the mouth in literally the most cliche, heterosexual way possible

1. And by your logic, so was WHite Rose and Bumbleby: Not a counter 2. Ah yes because hetersosexuality Is inherently bad like a cliché. Because homosexuality and it’s kin should just be marketing ploys to make something look good and original when it’s actually shit. That’s not homophobic at all.

1. i can’t believe one (1) man is doing all this! by just criticizing an internet show on a micro-blogging website. amazing. 2. this is now a joke post bc heterophobia ISNT REAL aldjajdjahskshh im literally close to tears rn fuck oh my god

1. More like a group of people encouraging a dangerous mindset and being toxic as shit by encouraging an abusive relationship between fans and creators. 2. Considering you used “cishet” which is a deragitory word used to devalue heterosexuals and cisgender people as if they are beneath you: You are a perfect example of heterophobia. Also: If heterophobia isn’t real then it’s counterpart isn’t real. That’s right. you just insinuated that HOMOPHOBIA isn’t real. Good job there. 3. What abouyt the homophobia argument? The sexism argument? The racism argument? Are those just accepted as truth? Well then: Glad to see you admit it.

not very logically indeed, kob

That’s a mirror you’re talking to dumbass.