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#i don't even have an excuse anymore now that I have access to a laptop again
youn9racha · 1 year
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hey...
hi... how y'all doing?...
you probably reading this:
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alright, so lemme explain my long ass absence and where have i been the past few days (totally not four months) since i've last updated on this site.
so i've unintentionally gone mia due to certain events that occurred irl that led to me going inactive here. mind you, i come from a country where they literally banned tumblr as an app so i'd have to access it through safari/my laptop, so sometime logging in can easily be forgetful when you're consumed by surroundings.
so where have i been?
nowhere really. I've just been hung up on uni because, as i've mentioned in a previous post, this year has been hectic academically speaking. i'm a junior going into senior, as shown by the fact that yesterday was my last day as a junior. needless to say that i escaped that battle with scars on my body over how much workload i had to endure and how mentally and physically draining things were going but thankfully i came out alive, in spite of my thoughts of attempting, i pushed through and managed to escape.
another reason was that i recently lost a dear family member of mine. i won't get into it much as i'm still healing from this but this family member recently passed away and i have yet to recover from it and still am reeling from it, so focusing on writing and working have just been difficult to maintain, which kills the drive of productivity. i am lucky however that i do have a support system that allows me to heal as well as i could, without any pressure and speeding things up.
this post does feel like an excuse for something so minute, but i'm really just explaining my case. after all, i could just post another bang chan smut and it won't any difference. its not like i'm a celebrity or anything, but i still do feel like explaining myself without giving myself away.
i don't know whether i'll continue writing on here or not, i may or may not, but i lean maybe i'll continue but only time will tell. and even if i did, i'll probably not be as active as i used to be like last year or the year before. and don't get me wrong, i still very much love stray kids. i have lost interest in kpop altogether (i still listen to kpop ofc but i just don't stan any groups anymore, nor do i have an interest in stanning any other groups) but stray kids is the only group that i have a great interest in, and still stan. bang chan is still the main standard of man to me, so much so that my close friends always associate me with him and joke that he's my bf.
so yeah, thats really all to it. i might make a twitter for me to interact with people here instead of disappearing every now and then, but don't take my word for it lmfao.
anyways, yeah im done bitching.
byyeee
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mrsdanirojas · 2 years
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9 year old me, watching Helga simp over Arnold in front of her Arnold-shaped shrine: “Haha that’s so creepy! Who would do that??”
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20 years later: "haha..."
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Helga Pataki walked so I could run 🦅
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justcourttee · 3 years
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hiiiii i don't know if you take prompts or requests or anything, but would you maybe consider writing a sequel to A Moment Too Late? maybe with a happy ending? i love your writing!!
I tried for what I’ll call a happy-ish ending, but I hope you still enjoy it! 
*WARNING* This piece and part 1 mention attempted suicide and can be difficult for some. Please, please, please be sure you feel comfortable reading about this topic before clicking below the title. 
In The Nick of Time
Damian took his first step into the city of love at 4:00 pm.  
He had a general idea of where to begin, but the combination of no sleep and jet lag was taking its toll. He had tried reaching out to her several times on the flight over, but she ignored his every effort. It could have just been the fact that she was in her classes. She may have been suicidal, but maybe she still took her education seriously?
It wasn’t likely, but it helped put his mind at some ease, hoping he still had time. His first order of business was renting a car. Technically speaking, his father had a villa on the outskirts of the city with a multitude of cars to pick from, but seeing as no one knew where he was, he wasn’t eager to tip them off.
He gazed over the taxis lined up, eagerly looking to take advantage of the tourists piling out of the airport behind him. He didn’t want someone to eager, he just needed someone who looked on the brim of exhaustion. His eyes landed on a poor man propped against his car, his eyes drooping like Tim before his first cup of the day. Perfect.
“Excuse me sir, but I’d like to rent your car from you for the day.”
The man peeked one eye open as he glanced warily over Damian.
“Scram kid, it’s a package deal, me and my car. You can’t just rent one or the other-”
Damian smirked as the man snatched the bundle of money from his hand, popping off the taxi light that stood on top of his car. As Damian slipped into the driver’s seat, he motioned for the man to step back over.
“Here’s a couple of extra bills to catch yourself a taxi home.”
The man’s mouth gaped as if he was searching for air underwater. Damian didn’t even bother to see if he would step back from the curb as he pulled off. The one benefit of the agonizing six-hour flight was Tim’s laptop. Damian had managed to hack into each of the high schools around the city until he narrowed it down to three Marinette’s. After looking at approximate ages and distance, he assumed she had to be the first; one Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
Her family owned a bakery a little less than a mile from the high school and on the off chance she hadn’t stayed for any clubs or activities, she should be arriving there at any moment. Damian tapped the address into his phone ignoring the multitude of messages he had between his father and Dick.
It was a simple fifteen-minute drive from the airport.
Damian exhaled sharply as he sped down the exit. Fifteen minutes was enough time. It had to be enough time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  .
“Welcome to the bakery! Is there anything I can interest you to today?”
The woman’s face wore a mixture of fake smiles and exhaustion. It might’ve been enough to fool the average customer, but to Damian, she simply looked one gust of wind from collapsing.
“Uhm, I’m looking for Marinette? Marinette Dupain-Cheng? Is she here?”
Instantly her fake smile dropped and the exhaustion settled into the creases of her face. There wasn’t even a hint of worry at the mention of her daughter’s name from a stranger’s mouth. It irritated him.
“Look, whatever she did now, we don’t have any money for a settlement. Maybe you can work out a deal with her, but we have nothing more to give.”
The woman offered him a half bow before pointing him to a small door at the back of the store. He assumed she meant for him to go through it and without another word, he stepped past her. As he made his way up the countless stairs, his irritation only grew.
He was well aware that there were parents out there indifferent to their children, but his soulmate wasn’t supposed to have one. She was always so happy and carefree when they were younger, abusing the bond whenever she could. He assumed it was because her parents had drilled into her that it was within her right too. But after that short interaction, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
Finally, a white door came into view. Hesitantly, he reached out the knob twisting without resistance. Inside was a moderate flat with what appeared to be an attic access. As first impressions went, he thought it seemed like a warm and gentle place to grow up in. Very different from the windowless stone building he began in.
He slipped out of his shoes, placing them beside a pair of light pink ballet flats before taking his first step. Someone was home and by the looks of it, it should be his soulmate. Damian contemplated on whether to call out or not. He didn’t want to frighten her, but he thought it might be worse if he just opened random doors instead. Finally, he settled on attempting their soulmate link once more.
“Marinette? Are you there?”
There was no answer, but he couldn’t be sure if that was just the continued strike from his earlier efforts. Tentatively, he took another step forward, his eyes scanning the apartment. It was pretty much an open concept, so he could see everything quite easily. The only thing that eluded him was the staircase leading above.
That had to be where she was.
“Marinette? That’s how you pronounce your name, right?” Damian sucked in a breath, resisting the urge to hit himself. No matter how he intended it, he sounded like he was some stalker here to kidnap her. “I’m not here to hurt you, I just wanted to talk.”
It didn’t sound any better. Maybe he should've stuck with a gentle introduction through their bond. Speaking out loud only reminded him how terrible he was with people. Animals were easier. Everything that needed to be said could be expressed through body language.
Biting the bullet, he decided it couldn’t get any worse than barging straight up the staircase into the attic. As he pushed open the access, the first thought that crossed his mind was-
“A mess,” clothes were strewn across the floor, remnants of paper scattered within the piles. The walls were a soft pink at one point, but it looked as if someone had taken a paint scraper to them, mere flakes hanging on by a thread. For such a well-put-together apartment, the room almost seemed abandoned.
Pulling himself into the room, Damian left his legs to dangle, his toes longing for the security of the stairs just below him. It didn't seem that she was in here either. He remembered passing another floor, perhaps that was also part of their apartment? Just as he decided to plant his feet back onto the sturdy steps, his fingers brushed over one of the scraps of paper he had seen earlier.
Instinctively, he pulled his hand away from the floor, his eyebrows furrowing. Damian was fairly certain that wasn’t how paper should feel. Reaching back out, he gathered a few nearby scraps. Turning them over one by one, a picture began to form. A group of girls, all laughing completely lost in a moment of time. His curiosity bested him as he pulled himself into the room, gathering each of the scraps he could find.
A half dozen photos was all he could form by the time he collected the larger pieces. Most were group shots, but two were of a blonde guy. Upon further analysis, he determined that he was the son of the fashion dictator Gabriel Agreste. He had seen the boy at a couple of Bruce’s international parties.
Perhaps she thought he was attractive? After all, the photos seemed to be ripped from a magazine, unlike the other four. As he glanced around the room once more, he felt like he had finally found a straw to grasp at. A reason she dropped so far, so fast.
But as much as he gathered from her room, he still had no idea as to where she might be. Her shoes were at the door, but it didn’t seem as if she was anywhere in the apartment. Standing slowly, Damian took a step back toward the access he had entered through when a breeze tickled the back of his neck.
His entire body stiffened as his hand moved slowly to where he kept his emergency kunai.
“Is that you, Marinette? If so, you’re pretty good at masking your presence. I didn’t even sense you approaching.”
There was no response, but now that he knew she was there, it was easier to pick up on her shallow breathing. In one swift movement, Damian flicked his wrist backward, ducking to avoid any retaliation.
A soft grunt earned a glance backward, his eyes widening a bit at the sight. She hadn’t even tried to dodge it. Lodged into her right shoulder was his kunai, and just below it, centimeters away from her heart, was a pocket knife. A bright pink light blinded him and instinctively his arms darted out. When he could see again, a petite figure rested against his frame.
“Marinette?” She was unresponsive, a deep ruby dripping from her wounds. “Marinette!”
What was this panic he felt rising? He’d seen comrades die on the battlefield before, wounds more deadly than this. So why couldn’t he move? Logically, he knew he had to act fast, but his body wouldn’t inch.
“You’re her soulmate, right? Do something!” Damian’s head snapped up, but he couldn’t find where the voice came from. Whoever it was, it was enough to break whatever daze he had fallen into.
“Okay Marinette, I have basic medical training and I can patch you, slow the bleeding, but I can’t remove either blade. Do you understand? I’m going to have to move you, quickly and as stable as possible.” Her breathing was shallow, but her eyelids flickered in what he hoped was a response. As gently as her could, he lifted her into his arms, attempting to avoid moving either stab wound. Her soft grunt pulled at his heart. “Hold on a little longer Marinette, please, I need to apologize.”
The stairs were one agonizing moment after another and as he laid her into the backseat of his rented car, he felt winded himself. Sliding into the driver’s seat, Damian quickly pulled out his phone, cursing as it slid through his hands.
“Dammit, where did it fall?” He frantically searched, his heart rate rising with every passing moment. Was this the world’s way of punishing him? He killed and fought and argued every passing moment of his life. He pushed her away and now that he thought he was making a change, he could just waltz back into her life as if nothing had happened? He wasn’t going to make it.
“Just drive, I’ll guide you.” Had he finally lost it? It was the same imaginary voice he had heard before. Perhaps it was his subconscious, a guardian angel? Could he really trust it? “Drive boy, take a left at the stop sign.”
He couldn’t afford to wait another moment so he did what felt most logical; he drove. The drive was killing him, each painful breath becoming slower, a dagger to his heart as they escaped from her mouth.
“Just leave the car in the front, save my friend.” The only thing keeping him going was the voice.
Damian had barely parked, his feet already slamming on the pavement before the engine had stopped. Gathering her into his arms, he burst through the sliding doors, the fear rising in his throat.
“Help! I need help!” He knew his French was rusty, but he had to try. The nurse tentatively approached him, her gasp needing no explanation. A stretcher was rushed, and as they ripped her from his arms, Damian couldn’t help the anger he felt.
“Be careful with her! She’s going to die if they shift too much!” A security guard stepped over, his hands raised as if he meant to calm Damian. He took another step forward, trying to grip Damian’s arm. “What are you doing? I need to be with her! Marinette I’m right here! Can’t you hear me? I need you Marinette! Please don’t leave me!”
Damian watched as they placed the stethoscope on her chest, grim expressions hastening their step.
“Don’t look at her like that! Help her! Please!” It felt as if his lungs were collapsing, his vision blurring. Why was he reacting like this? He barely knew her. In fact, this was his first time ever seeing her.
“Sir, please calm down. They are treating your friend right now, the best thing you can do for her is sit and wait.”
The man led him to a couch where his legs finally caved, his back sinking into the chair. Damian lifted his hands to his face, wiping the tears he hadn’t even realized he had cried, but it only left his cheeks damper than before. Slowly, he pulled back his hands, his stomach plummeting. There wasn’t an inch of skin left uncovered by the red.
“Oh, oh,” Had he really not noticed how much blood she had lost? He was so focused on getting her here that he didn’t even consider if she would make it. “I thought I could make it, I thought I still had time.”
Damian recognized this feeling rising in his chest. It was the same as when he collapsed on the roof, the same as when he heard from her after so many years of silence. Was this what his mother meant by a soulmate bond being a distraction?
He had never understood why people took the insane challenge of fighting his Grandfather for a chance to leave the league in search of their soulmate. If he was honest, he thought it was a pointless endeavor and he couldn’t begin to imagine how someone believed they could pull it off. But, as his chest tightened with the rising waves of nausea, a realization washed over him.
A soulmate bond was so powerful that even if you just met them, you felt the need to protect them, to care for them. You became vulnerable for them, scared to lose them, terrified of how the world would be without them. It was a terrible weakness and a strong ally.
“Can you walk to the bathroom?” Damian felt his head stir, but it was as if it were being pulled by strings, out of his control. “I’ll explain everything if you could just meet me there.”
How could this voice be so all-knowing? Hadn’t it just surfaced from his subconscious as a way to kickstart his movement again? Yet, if that were the case, why did he find himself rising, stumbling toward the bathroom in a daze?
He slipped into the closest stall, collapsing against the door, the minute it locked. Why did he feel so drained? It was less than 500 feet.
“Do you need to sit down? I know that this must be hard on you.”
Damian’s eyes scanned the stall in search of a source for the voice, but alas, he came up with nothing. Sliding to the ground, he chuckled to himself, his hand clutching his shirt.
“I’ve finally lost it. Todd told me this day would come, but how could a dumbass like him even know?”
“You haven’t lost anything, I’m right in front of you, you just have to push through the veil.”
Damian perked up, squinting his eyes at the space directly in front of him. Slowly, but surely, his eyes focused on a red blur until the floating object came into full view.
“Holy shi-” Two paw-like things pressed his lips together, a disapproving look monopolizing its small face.
“Can you keep it down? And what’s with all this foul language? I can’t say I approve of you being my Chosen’s soulmate with a mouth like that.”
It floated a few inches away, crossing its arms as if trying to push the point across. Damian tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. He was positive that he hadn’t had anything. Perhaps this was one of those sleepless hallucinations that Drake constantly rambled on about?
“I know that look, I’m not a hallucination, I’m a kwamii! My name is Tikki and I am Marinette’s partner. Together, we merge to become the superheroine of Paris, Ladybug.”
Ladybug? He had heard Bruce mention a Parisian team. They asked for any heroes to stay out of Paris as their villain was one that manipulated emotions, turning his victims into puppets of his own bidding. No wonder Bruce and Dick were blowing up his phone. They weren’t just worried about him running off, they were also worried about him breaking an international treaty.
Damian blinked slowly as he processed the image in front of him. Kwamiis. He had heard the legend of them back when he was apart of the League of Assassins, but he had no idea they truly existed. Why was his soulmate in possession of the most powerful being in the world?
“It’s a long story soulmate of the Chosen. I have traveled long and wide and have had many wielders before, but never one as capable as Marinette. When I first found myself as her partner, she was clumsy and shy, but so friendly and kind, always going out of her way to help people. Together, we defeated the original Hawkmoth, but in the battle, his kwamii was reclaimed by one of his partners and a new Lady Hawk emerged.”
“Why are you telling me this?” The kwamii shot him a questioning look as if the answer was obvious.
“I’m trying to give you the full picture of where it all began. You blame yourself as the catalyst, but you were only a small stepping stone in her downfall, almost not worth mentioning.”
Damian felt an odd swelling in his chest. It almost felt like, relief? Had he really been this worried that he had pushed her down this path? A lonesome tear trickled from his eye, but he was quick to snatch away.
“Marinette had friends, a boyfriend even. She wasn’t completely lost without a soulmate. After all, her parents weren’t soulmates, and her best friend was rejected by their soulmate too. She was happy.” The kwamii paused, her smile reminiscing before it slowly morphed into a frown. But it all changed when a wretched girl transferred into her middle school.”
“Just one girl changed everything?”
The kwamii nodded, small tears forming.
“She was the real catalyst. The reason everything fell apart.”
Damian lost track of how long he sat listening to the small God. When he stood to return to the waiting room, he couldn’t help but clench his fist in an attempt to calm himself. Marinette had to pull through, she just had to. Damian had to show her that there was more to life than this shitty one in Paris. He had to rescue her like his family had for him.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It was 36 hours before he was allowed back to see her.
She had been lucky, the knife had missed her vital organs and even though it had punctured her lung, she seemed to be on track for a full recovery, one that she needed to take slowly. Damian dealt with the police on her behalf and thanks to Tikki’s information, he was able to help them identify the mugger.
Tikki had gone ahead to talk to Marinette and to give him time to freshen up. He didn’t have much, but the little he had packed at least got him fresh clothing, clothing not stained with her blood. Alfred would not be happy with him once he returned.
Damian was unsure how to approach her. He had found some flowers in the gift shop he thought were nice and some chocolates as well. But as he stood in front of her hospital room, he realized he hadn’t figured out the first thing he should say to her.
I’m sorry? No, that sounded too arrogant after everything she had been through. My name’s Damian, I saved your life? No, that would be condescending. God, he really hated talking to people.
“Are you going to come in or just sit outside all day?” Her voice sent shivers down his spine. She hadn’t always been this cold, but he couldn’t blame her.
Hesitantly, he reached out, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips. She looked angry, slight red emphasized on her pale skin, the dark circles under her eyes protruding as if they dared him to comment on them. There were a million and one wires and tubes poking out in different directions, some hooked to machines, some to random bags of fluid.
Yet, despite all of it, she still looked absolutely stunning.
“Well, sit down or something. You’re creeping me out just standing there.”
Damian shuffled awkwardly to the opposite side of her bed, his legs wobbling as he lowered himself into the chair.
“Uhm, I brought you some flowers-”
“I hate the color white.” Damian felt his eyebrow twitch, but he tried his best to hold back the expression he felt. Gently, he reached back, setting the flowers on the windowsill.
“I-Uhm-I also brought you some chocolat-”
“I’m on a liquid-only diet for the next two weeks.”
Damian could feel the red rushing to his face as he breathed deeply. He knew there was a chance that she would be spiteful, but he hadn’t been completely ready for it. His fuse was short, even if it was his soulmate, he wasn’t sure he could contain the explosion.
“Are you feeling any better?” Marinette scoffed, her eyes never leaving her hands.
“Did you fly all the way to Paris for small talk Damian?” He wasn’t sure how to respond, knowing his next words might be his last. “Ask what you really want to. Like why did I detransform before trying to face the mugger? Or why have I tried to kill myself multiple times even if each time ended in failure?”
“I-”
“Ask me why all my friends left me. Ask me why my master chose the easy way out, forgetting everything before passing on weeks later without even a single message about his death from him or his girlfriend. Ask me why I hate life so much that I just don’t see the reason in living anymore. Ask me if I think you’ll change my mind! Spoiler alert! You won’-”
“God woman, do you ever shut up? Give me five damn seconds to get my thoughts together.”
Damian instantly felt the eyes of Tikki fall upon him, the anger draining from his body only to be replaced by his rising fear. He felt the apology building up, but before he could even let the first word spill out, a bitter laugh cut him off.
“Yeah, I do shut up. But only sometimes. I figured Tikki told you everything. I also figured you’d have questions. I’m not interested in telling my sob story over again and I’m not interested in some knight in shining armor swooping in to save me, Got it?”
Damian tried to speak, but it was as if his voice were caught in his throat. What could he say to her? He wasn’t trying to be her knight? He didn’t need her explanations? Everything sounded so thoughtless, but he couldn’t string together one coherent and earnest sentence to save his life.
“What I am interested in is your nonsensical shouting. You ‘need me’? You just met me, how do you know that you need me?”
If he wasn’t already as red as a tomato, he was certain that was how he looked now.
“I,” he cleared his voice, praying to whatever was listening to keep the crack away, “I just had this feeling swell up in my chest seeing you like that. I was terrified and it scared me. It scared me to feel that way about someone who I had just laid eyes on. I had heard about soulmate bonds and how they affect you. They can strengthen you, but they can also be your downfall. I needed to get to know you, to know how our bond would affect me.”
He paused, the feeling of her eyes on him choking him up.
“I, uh, I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t let you die. You don’t have to believe me, you don’t even have to listen to me, but I have been where you are before. But before I could even make my first attempt, I had a group of people come into my life, people who lifted me up and saved me. I was scared that you didn’t have that and I arrogantly believed I could do that for you. I’m truly sorry Marinette,  but I refuse to apologize for saving your life. If I could, I would do it over and over and over again as many times as it takes until you decide to keep living.”
The silence was deafening. Even if she just yelled at him and told him to leave, he would take it over this quiet. He didn’t dare look up, he barely felt the urge to breathe. It was as if everything fiber in him was holding their breath, waiting to hear her response, any response.
“You’re really not gonna leave me alone, huh?”
Her voice sounded tight as if she were holding back tears. The urge surged through him to reach forward and pull her into a hug, but he contained himself, defaulting to a simple nod instead. Again, the silence followed, but he was patient. He would wait all day if it meant hearing her speak again.
“Fine. I’m not guaranteeing a damn thing, but I can offer you a start.”
“A start?” Damian risked a small glance up, his heart racing at the sight. She was smiling, a genuine smile. It looked out of place among her tear-stained face, but he would be lying if he didn’t say it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
“Yeah, apparently I’m going to need someone to stay by my side 24/7 when they release me. Someone to take care of me. A stay-at-home nurse if you will. So, I nominate you, Damian. Your response?”
“Absolutely, it would be my honor.” His reply was instant, his smile unwavering even after she chucked her pillow at him, cussing him out in a manner that Todd would be proud of.
Yes, it was just a start. Yes, it didn't mean anything was fixed. But, there was one thing that put his heart at ease.
He wasn’t too late.
No, in fact, he was just in time to save her life. And at that very moment, he vowed to never wait till it was almost too late again.
Despite everything that had happened, he decided he could live with that.
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angellesword · 4 years
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YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (10)
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Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It's simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if...Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?
Alternatively:
"A future without you is a world without color."
Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au
Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader
Word Count: 2.9k
SERIES: CHAPTER 9  | CHAPTER 11
Note: I just wanna dedicate this chapter to @jooniebugg coz your feedback in Your Eyes Tell (09) is <333 and it inspired me to write chapter 10! some lines in this update is my response to your comment heheh :*
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You were not in trouble, but Jeongguk was.
"Guk," Jimin let out a breath as he closed his eyes. "Slow down, okay? I can't understand what you're saying."
But Jeongguk couldn't do it. He was sobbing uncontrollably that Jimin literally had to tell him to breathe.
Jeongguk tried to follow the instruction of his best friend's boyfriend. Breathe. It should be easy, right? He only needed to stop thinking about you in able to breathe properly.
Unfortunately, it was difficult to get you out of his mind.
"You good?"
Your soulmate nodded even though Jimin couldn't see his face. They're currently talking over the phone. Jimin called him after finding out what happened during the trial.
It was all over the news. Countless of articles were published online. Most of them were unreliable and full of speculations.
Jimin gave up after reading one sentence. He knew he had to call you to know the truth—or at least the fragments of truth. Jimin wasn't really interested in the case; he was only interested to know what was up with you.
Were you alright?
Jimin found some of your decisions in life questionable, yet he didn't say anything. He remained tight-lipped when you told him about your entangled fate not only with Jeongguk, but also with your assistant and client.
Just like your soulmate, Jimin could not understand why you were trying to defend Kim Seokjin. Their reason was different though. Jeongguk's thoughts were selfish. Jimin, on the contrary, was plain curious.
Why were you so invested in this case?
Was it because of your stubborn nature? Jimin knew that once you set your mind into something, you wouldn't stop until you won.
Jimin only learned to accept your competitive side when he realized that you were raised this way.
You didn't choose to be like this. You were actually forced to be like this. This being the case, Jimin was only able to release an exhausted breath after Jeongguk told him what happened in the courtroom.
Some might say that you pushed too hard, but this didn't give Mrs. Kim the right to hurt you.
"It's my fault, hyung. I wasn't there to protect her." Jeongguk bit the inside of his cheek.
It had been an hour since you locked yourself in your room and Jeongguk wasn't sure whether to comfort you or to just leave you alone.
It felt like you preferred the latter option. Jimin told your soulmate that you weren't answering your phone, an obvious indication that you didn't want to talk to anyone. This was also the reason why Jimin decided to just call Jeongguk to know if you were okay.
You weren't.
It was weird, but Jeongguk was positive he could feel your heart breaking. If this was any other day, he was sure that he would simply ignore this, but something definitely changed. Jeongguk didn't know why, but he had this intense urge to embrace you—to make you feel better.
"But you can protect her now, Guk. It will be hard, but please..." Jimin begged your soulmate. He didn't want to burden Jeongguk; however, the latter was the only person who could comfort you right now.
As much as Jimin wanted to embrace you, he couldn't. He was in Busan, his hometown, at the moment. Jimin was processing some important documents because he's planning to ask Taehyung to marry him.
"W-What can I do to make her feel better?" Jeongguk stammered. He's nervous, but he's decided. He couldn't let you go through this alone. It hadn't even been a day, yet he already missed your goofy side.
"You're a smart boy, Jeon. You'll figure out what she wants."
What do you want?
Jeongguk's heart was recoiling once again. He realized that he never knew what you wanted since you were always catering what others wanted.
You were a people pleaser.
"But if nothing works, just call her parents." This was Jimin's last reminder before ending the call.
Your soulmate didn't understand why Jimin thought it would be a good idea to call your parents. Jeongguk was pretty sure he could bring the smile back on your face without the help of anyone. He just needed to make sure you were not in some kind trouble first.
Jeongguk opened your laptop to send an email to your boss and other clients, telling them that you were taking a break from work.
Jeongguk was tired by the end of the week. Jimin was right. It was difficult to help you get back on your feet, mainly because you weren't trying.
You stayed in bed most of the time, you barely touched your food, and he felt like you didn't even want to live.
You looked so unmotivated that in the end, Jeongguk decided to just message your parents and invite them to your apartment—this was the reason why he was in trouble.
"You can't just do this without consulting me, Jeongguk."
His scowl deepened when you called him using his given name. You only did this when you were serious or mad. In this case, he figured out that you were mad—or at least he thought you were mad. Your voice was rough, similar to the tone you used when you were inside the courtroom.
Jeongguk was scared.
He was scared to upset you again.
"But Jimin-hyung told me to call your parents!" He reasoned out. Blaming your best friend was the only way Jeongguk could think of so that he could finally escape your piercing glare.
It worked.
Your expression softened a bit, though this didn't mean that he wasn't in trouble anymore.
"Jeongguk," this time your voice sounded tired.
"Y-Yes?" He pretended like he was busy sweeping the floor. Everything needed to be perfect because your parents would be here shortly.
You already accepted your tragic fate. It was decided. You were going to meet your mother and father today.
Damn it.
"Why did you block Hoseok's number?"
You saw how Jeongguk froze after hearing your question. No doubt, he was guilty.
"I-I didn't do it!" He lied.
You narrowed your eyes at him.
"You're not a good liar..." Amusement was now dancing in your voice.
Jeongguk had been using your phone to respond to your prospective clients. These people just didn't know how to stop. They kept texting your personal number even though Jeongguk told them that you were on a leave.
Your phone didn't have a passcode that's why he was able to freely access it.
You didn't mind. In fact, you were grateful. He saved your career. If he didn't send a notice of leave to your boss, you were sure you're gonna get fired.
"I'm not lying!" His lips protruded into a sulky pout. "I didn't send those messages!"
"Huh." You arched your brow. "But I only asked why you blocked Hoseok. I didn't say you texted him using my number."
Jeongguk's eyes went wide.
He was instantly busted.
"H-He was spamming you with useless messages!"
"I don't think so," you shook your head as you read the conversation. His excuse just kept on getting worse.
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 "Wow. You're cold," you could imagine Hoseok's disbelief upon seeing the thumbs up emoji. It was actually apparent by your friend's response.
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 "Jeongguk..." You called his name again.
"What!?" Why was he getting annoyed?
"You don't want Hoseok to kiss me?"
Jeongguk looked like the emoji he sent to Hoseok.
"And why would I want that!?" His chest was heaving up and down. You couldn't see, but his face was as red as tomatoes.
You suddenly laughed, causing Jeongguk's heart to swell in joy. This was the first time he heard you laugh after weeks of getting used to your impassive face.
Were you finally moving on?
Jeongguk guessed you were. Your expression literally changed the moment your parents arrived.
You looked happy to see them—too happy that Jeongguk felt like he was only imagining your annoyed expression a short while ago.
Didn't you say you hated the fact that he invited your parents to your place?
You did say that. Unfortunately Jeongguk had no idea how much you hated talking to your mom.
You swore you loved her with all of your heart, though her principles were different from what you believed in. It was draining to pretend like you agree with her.
"So how's the case you've been handling, sweetheart?" Your mother's sweet smile made you cringe.
It hadn't been long since she pulled you inside your room to 'talk.'
Your parents had already met Jeongguk. As expected, they loved him. Your soulmate made it very easy to like him. Perhaps it was because of his eyes. Damn those big, doe eyes. It never failed to make your heart melt.
"Good." You walked towards your bedroom door. "Let's go back to the kitchen. I think Jeongguk prepared some desserts."
"Dessert could wait, dear." Your mom offered you another sickening smile. It was the kind of smile that told you to give up. She always had her way of making you follow what she wanted you to do.
"Come on, eomma." You laughed nervously as you told her that your soulmate was excited to let her try his yaksik, a popular dessert that your mom truly loved.
You didn't know how Jeongguk found out your mother's favorite dessert. You just knew that you were willing to eat dozens of yaksik just to get away from your mom. You didn't even care if your stomach was still full after eating the lunch your soulmate had cooked.
Your mom only shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't hear what you said.
"Tell me about the Kim's case." She demanded as she meticulously inspected your wardrobe.
Your heartbeat doubled.
It was easy to simply give into what she desired because you were certain that she wouldn't stop anyway.
Sadly you couldn't speak—not anymore. Not when you knew how all of this would go.
You wanted to move on from this nightmare on your own. All your life, you relied upon what your mother would say.
"You can't be sad over this. It's nothing compared to what I've been through!"
"Stop crying. You just think you're hurt. You're not."
"No. You can't. That shows weakness."
These were some of the things your mother would say whenever you encountered problems in life. She honed you to be this strong person who wasn't allowed to mope.
You remembered her telling you that it was insensitive of you to cry over little things when it was clear that so many people had it worse than you.
This was exactly why you didn't want to meet your mother today. She would force you to stop feeling bad about Seokjin's case since it was petty.
It was funny actually. People admired you for always ignoring the pain you felt.
You found this toxic. It felt like you were expected to be strong—making you feel like you should heal right away and not with your own pace. This was also the reason why you found it hard to open up to people, even if you were really close to that someone.
Your mother made you feel like there would always be some kind of adversary when it came to handling inconveniences in life. Sometimes you wished people would shut up and just listen. You didn't always need advice. What you wanted was for them to stop quantifying pain because people had different tolerance when it came to feeling what's painful and what's not.
"I think I lost," it took everything not to cry in front of her. At the end of the day, you were still afraid to be perceived as weak.
She had that much control over you.
"Why did you lose?" Her voice was stone cold.
Your response was automatic. You told her what happened during the trial in spite of telling yourself that you would never get swayed by her authoritarian nature anymore.
"You don’t have to answer. I know now why you lost." She crossed her arms as she shook her head at you.
"Didn't I tell you? You lost because you didn't acquire enough knowledge." She proceeded to tell you what you already knew.
Your mom always said that knowledge is power, but the word "knowledge" that was delicately tattooed on your Achilles heel said otherwise.
For you, knowledge is downfall. This was why you chose to have that word tattooed on your Achilles heel—a part of your body that symbolized fatal weakness.
You were working as an auditor before you decided to go to law school. You knew this field inside out and it came with a price. You helped a firm conceal fraudulent acts using your knowledge.
It was a dangerous thing. Your mom tolerated your unprofessionalism since she was a major stockholder in the said company. She actually pushed you to continue the misrepresentation; however, you were guilty.
You couldn't do it anymore. You couldn't use the power you acquired to fool people. Law school taught you to uphold justice, but you were blinded once again.
You failed to see the impact of your actions to Soobin, an innocent soul. Maybe your mother was right. You were bound to fail your law career. Maybe you should just go back to the corporate world and help billionaires to achieve their disgusting scheme.
"Sorry," you swallowed hard, looking straight into your mother's eyes. "I'll do better."
"You should be." She gritted her teeth as she continued to invalidate your emotions.
You wondered when the torture would stop. You just wanna lie in bed and sleep the pain away. Luckily Jeongguk came knocking on your door, saving you from your mother's poisonous words.
"Wait," Jeongguk stopped you from following your mom to the living room.
"What's wrong?" He cupped your face; worry was evident in his eyes. You looked like you were in pain.
Did your mother say something to you? Jeongguk wondered.
"Nothing." But you brushed him off before he could ask.
Jeongguk pursed his lips into a thin line. He swore something was wrong, but he didn't want to push it since it was clear that you were not in the mood to talk about it.
But he couldn't stay still knowing that you were bothered. This being the case, he went out of his way just to make you smile.
Jeongguk was being such a good boy. He kept on praising you in front your parents. He was also respectful towards them. His jokes were appropriate and he smiled so kindly at them.
His lingering touch on your wrist, waist, and shoulders didn't go unnoticed by you. It was like he was guarding you from any possible danger.
"What do you think about this, my sweet daughter?" Your father showed you his artwork with a proud smile.
You chuckled.
Jeongguk was teaching your father how to draw.
"You did great, Appa!" You weren't lying. He had done a good job sketching The Hulk.
"Really? What about the color? Do you like it?"
You nodded eagerly. It wouldn't hurt to lie, right?
"I like the shade of green that you used."
You were expecting your father to smile back because of your compliment. Sadly, he only stared at you blankly.
"What?"  A nervous giggle escaped your lips.
Your parents and even Jeongguk were making you feel awkward. Why were they looking at you like you were a poor, poor soul?
"This Hulk is color pink." Your father said softly, making your breathing hitch.
He was trying to show contrast. The Hulk was the personification of rage. He colored him pink because in your world, the mentioned color symbolized gentleness. He wanted you to see in his drawing that people should be gentle even though they're angry.
You ruined it.
They probably know by now that you were lying when you said earlier that you could see colors.
Why did you even lie?
Why couldn't you just tell them that Jeongguk wasn't in love with you?
"Ah," you scratched the back of your head. "Is it pink? Sorry, Appa. I'm still trying to learn colors."
Your lie was understandable. You told your parents that you met Jeongguk a few months ago. It was impossible to know all colors in a short period of time.
You knew you weren't a great liar, but damn. When you looked at Jeongguk, he was smiling as he mouthed, "it is okay," to you.
He was saying that you were doing well, that you didn't ruin what your father had been wishing for: he wanted you to be loved by your soulmate.
You felt like Jeongguk loved you.
You couldn't stop staring at your soulmate as he continued to smile brightly at you.
In this moment, you swore you could see the brown in his eyes.
Or so you thought.
You just couldn't have one peaceful day, could you?
"N-No..." Your voice broke, tears falling down on the sheet of paper you were holding.
Your parents already left. Jeongguk was kind enough to drive them back to their hotel.
You were alone in the house.
The paper in your hand was mocking you, telling you that you would forever be alone in this house.
TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP IN A CONTRACT TO SELL Vendee Jeon Jeongguk of  Room 13, Apartment X, Seoul, South Korea—you stopped reading the next words.
You couldn't believe it.
Jeon Jeongguk was going to leave you.
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mshomestyle · 4 years
Note
Bruh. I'm totally not helping with the Hawks-Centered stuff on this blog, but that angsty Hawks thing got me thinking. Something like that but either he leaves and when he comes back the place is destroyed a la kidnap. Or she leaves and gets kidnapped anyway. I wanna see his guilt and regret either way. His POV if possible. If you even feel like doing this of course, I know you're pretty busy so if you don't like this, please feel free to toss this out!
I don’t mind doing it! And hey, Hawks is 🔥. There’s just no getting around that. XD
Warnings: arguments, angst, kidnapping
Hawks x Reader [Angst and Kidnapping]:
It was something that was a part of the job of being a hero. Dealing with adoring fans just came with the territory, and Keigo didn’t exactly mind letting them get a bit too close or holding him tight. They were his supporters after all, and he knew that many of them reacted this way towards him because he was attractive. There was just no getting around that, so why not give them a bit of fan service?
“Alright! And I know that I can count on your continued support, right?” Hawks chuckled as he held the woman’s hand, who looked like she might faint.
“Oh, definitely! I will cherish this interaction forever!” she squealed happily.
“I will, too,” Hawks smiled. He waved the woman off as she left, barely being able to walk properly now, before turning to look at you, “Ready to go home?” You nodded, though for some reason, you didn’t seem as cheerful as you had been just moments ago. Perhaps you were tired, and if you were, you going home now would be the proper solution.
When you both made it back, finally, having gone on a date, Hawks couldn’t help but to notice that you seemed sort of lost. Maybe you were waiting for him to continue this time together, but whatever it was, he wanted to make sure that you were okay and enjoying yourself. “Did you have fun tonight~?” Keigo asked as he wrapped his arms around from behind, starting to kiss at the back of your ear. He felt you shivering slightly in his hold, making him know that what he was doing felt pleasurable to you.
“It was okay,” you merely said as you pulled away quickly. It was a bit confusing at first, but with that it wasn’t hard for Keigo to guess that something was up.
“Something wrong?” he asked, watching as you started to undo your hairstyle while heading to the bedroom.
“I’m just tired,” you grumbled. It had to have been more than that, and really, Keigo didn’t like to see you so upset.
“Come on, babe, if something’s wrong then tell me,” he said, “I mean, you seemed happy at the beginning of the night. What happened?” Finally, you turned to look at him, though much to Keigo’s surprise, you were glaring at him.
“Do you really not know?” you asked, sitting at the edge of the bed. Keigo was a bit taken back by this, but he still felt rather calm. He was sure you’d tell him what was up.
“I’m drawing a blank,” he sighed with a shrug. That proved to be a mistake on his part, as you rolled your eyes.
“Seriously, you don’t?” you asked, “How many times must I tell you to stop flirting with your fans and letting them touch all over you? It’s just disrespectful, and the last thing I want to do is see it when we’re supposed to be spending time together.” At your words, Keigo rubbed at his eyes. So, that was what it was? He never really took you as the jealous type, but you had to know that he didn’t mean anything by it.
“[Name], you know I don’t let them go too far,” he said, “And besides, it’s not a big deal, and as I’ve told you before it’s business. I mean, how else do you think I got so popular at such a young age?” You were visibly staring to become more aggravated at his response.
“Yeah, that was before you were in a relationship,” you told him, “And like I said, doing it is one thing, but doing it in front of me? Like, honestly, do you really have to be so flirty? You think I want to see that?!”
“You’re making this out to be a much bigger deal than it is,” Keigo said. He had to admit that he was getting a bit annoyed with this. He just didn’t see it as something to draw up this much concern. “It’s not like I’m kissing them or, I don’t know, having an affair.” He rolled his eyes and at that, and the next thing he knew, you stood up, looking rather angry.
“Seriously, Keigo?! Did you really just have to say that? No shit, you aren’t having an affair. It’s about respecting me and not being inappropriate, and you really can’t even do that?” you asked, “How would you feel if I let random guys hug all over me and say things that just encourage that behavior? Huh?!”
“You’re making this way worse than it is, and that’s not a fair comparison at all. I mean, this is how it’s always been with my line of work, and you knew that coming into this relationship,” Keigo said. Perhaps it was wrong of him to think, but, no, he wouldn’t dare let another guy touch you. He felt, right now, that it was a different situation, though! What you described could potentially be dangerous for you.
“Well, excuse me for thinking you’d have some sort of common decency towards me and would know that there’s a difference between how you’re supposed to act while you are and aren’t in a relationship,” you rolled your eyes as you left the room.
“[Name]? Where are you going?” Keigo asked as he followed you. Were you truly that upset by what he did?
“To find someone that understands respect,” you grumbled as you unlocked the front door.
“You can’t be serious?” You didn’t respond as you left, and in that moment Keigo knew that he had to think long and hard about all of this as seeing you leave did strike something with him. Perhaps there was some truth in what you said. Either way, though, he was tired and expecting you to come back soon so that you could properly discuss this.
Keigo spent the entire night tossing and turning. You were late. Or rather, where were you? He expected that you would have been back home by now, but by the time morning hit and you weren’t there, he grew a bit concerned. ‘Calm down, she probably just spent the night at a friend’s house.’ His thoughts were easier said than done as he tried to call you during the entirety of his morning routine. Keigo probably called you over fifty times in all, and the more he did, the more anxious he became.
After getting ready for work, Keigo headed out, still trying to convince himself that everything would be fine. The second he made it to his office, however, “Hawks!” one of his sidekicks rushed into the office with a laptop in hand. Keigo looked at him rather confused, wondering what could have made the man so over the top this morning.
“What is it?” he asked.
“L-Last night,” he was a bit out of breath, “Someone reported a kidnapping in the downtown area near the central alleyways! When we were able to find out the location, we got access to the street cameras to check them, and well…” He trailed off, looking incredibly sorry.
“Well what?” Keigo asked. His sidekick didn’t say a word, but rather placed his laptop on Hawks’s desk and pressed play. The first thing Keigo saw was you, walking, which caused his heart to start beating fast. It couldn’t be….It just couldn’t. The next thing he knew a car came and hurriedly stopped in front of you. And as Keigo watched two villains get out and start to attack you, he felt as if he couldn’t watch this anymore. Still, he could not tare himself away. You put up a fight, but in the end, they overpowered you and knocked you out.
“We then received a ranso-Hawks?!” Keigo couldn’t stand this anymore as he flew out a nearby window, hoping to find any clues at the scene of the crime.
This was all his fault! How could he have been so stupid to let you leave so late at night by yourself-No, how could he be so stupid to undermine your feelings instead of listening and letting you know that your concerns were valid? You had been kidnapped because of him. If he would have just understood how disrespected you felt and just listened then none of this would be happening.
All you wanted was for him to not be so touchy and flirty with his fans, and what did he do? He drove you to leave, by simply not accepting how you felt. He should have been kinder and looked into your feelings. He felt regret, and the second he found you, which he certainly would, he was going to let you know just how sorry he truly was.
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nochiquinn · 4 years
Note
Tbh I’d read ur soapbox rant abt rural America tho like I have no clue what it’s like being there bc I’m from pnw city and wanna know what misconceptions I’ve internalized. Not saying u gotta go thru writing smthn that emotionally taxing ut like if u ever do wanna post it 👀
WELL WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY
I moved from just outside Atlanta to rural west Georgia when I was in 11th grade. A lot of this is my reaction to the disparity between those two environments, and some of it is absolutely colored by a teenager’s emotional reaction at moving between two extremes. I was a white queer middle-class kid, and now I’m a white queer poor disabled adult, so I’m not speaking for POC living in rural areas. Just my own lived experience, and some hindsight now that I’m not actively living there anymore.
 Lack of internet access
When we moved in 2006, dialup internet (the kind that accessed the telephone network to get online) was juuuust being edged out by broadband. The ONLY option for internet in our new house was broadband, and I was very excited until the speeds were the exact fucking same. Rural internet is a joke on purpose. Broadband companies won't extend proper infrastructure to low-income areas because they're not likely to recoup the building costs. Low-income areas are not always rural, but ISPs add the excuse of "difficult terrain" to avoid laying cable there. Because reliable internet is still considered a luxury or entertainment service and not a utility, there's no requirement for them to provide decent service to those areas, so they don't. The FCC says proper broadband is 25 mbps. Sometimes I'm lucky to get one whole mb at my parents' house. My dad stays up until 4am to read the news because the internet loads faster when the rest of the neighborhood is asleep.
Brief tangent into the issue of smartphones: when I was living there and on my parents' phone plan, smartphones weren't really a thing yet and my dad wasn't gonna pay for a data plan anyway, and now I'm on a service with no real presence in that area. So I can't speak for the efficacy of smartphones in rural areas BUT a smartphone is still not a computer.
And now, with schools closed, the government is going "just do digital learning" - with what internet? With what computers? Are you going to set up wifi hotspots outside people's houses? Are you going to provide each of their kids with laptops? Schools are funded with property and income tax, both of which are lower in rural areas. They barely have supplies for when kids are in the classroom, let alone being any kind of prepared for shit like this.
Rural schools could be a whole other bullet point by itself, but lack of access to current technology is the root of it. Reliable high-speed internet would be an absolute game changer and it's just not there.
Lack of access to groceries.
If you have a car and the ability to drive half an hour minimum for groceries, you're golden. But if you're
old
sick
disabled
on foot
you're completely up a creek. All of these things are more likely in rural areas.  Except maybe not owning a car, because you are literally stranded without personal transportation. My half-an-hour estimation is based on the nearest decent grocery store to my parents' place; there are two Dollar Generals and a Piggly-Wiggly nearby, but Dollar Generals don't sell meat or vegetables and the Piggly-Wiggly hasn't been cleaned since the second Bush administration. For an actual solid grocery run you have to drive to the Ingles two towns over. And even THEN if you're already on the road you might as well go up the interstate to the Kroger in town, though that's a two-hour trip if you're fast. I used to joke about having to pack a lunch to go grocery shopping.
There's no public transport, there's no grocery delivery, there's no takeout unless you bring an insulated bag to bring it home in. If you can't drive to get groceries or don't have someone to bring you groceries, you don't have groceries. I'm not even touching on poverty rates and the ability to AFFORD groceries. I'm literally just talking about going to the store and coming home with food. My parents are more fortunate than most; my dad hunts and plants a big garden every year. He can do this because he grew up on a working farm and knows how to make things grow. Not everyone has those skills, and subsistence gardening is a LOT of work. Cleaning deer is a lot of work. (There are places that do it for you. This is just a My Dad thing.) If you don't have the time or ability, you have to buy your food. If you have a car. That you can drive. For a long time.
This is also of course compounded by COVID; grocery stores are cutting hours everywhere. If you work late you might not be able to get groceries on your way home. You might have to take half your day off once a week to go shopping. If people panic-bought all the toilet paper or ground beef, you might have to wait another week for either of those things. I'm not advocating the Walmart model of pulling up into town and out-pricing independently owned stores, I'm saying big box stores need to extend delivery to rural areas, even if it's just until we've found the other side of this pandemic.
Lack of access to medical care.
Where I grew up we were literally ten minutes from the hospital. Like you crossed the street and you were in my neighborhood. Where my parents live now it is a 45-minute drive to the nearest ER. They live between two mid-sized cities with hospitals and it is 45 minutes to either one of them. The only doctors worth a damn are also in those cities. (This is a subtweet at the doctor in my parents' town, who is terrible and I hate her.) This item is last because it ties into both of the above. There's no tele-health. There's no Facetiming your doctor.  When my mom was being rushed to the the hospital with a chainsaw cut (long story) they had to PULL OVER so the EMT could call the hospital before they hit the dead zone. If you don't have a car or can't drive you're gonna be on the hook for an ambulance ride.
I went to the ER enough times in my late teens/early 20s that I had preferences. The one I didn't like put me on a gurney in the hallway while I was having a panic attack. Even the one I liked tried to cut out part of my gallbladder just to see what happened. This is a funding issue and an education issue and just a whole ton of stuff rolled into one. There are no local hospitals. The hospitals that are within reasonable distance are under-funded, under-staffed, and under-prepared. There are no beds literally anywhere right now, but rural hospitals are overwhelmingly affected. Combine the above disability maps with the 4% COVID death rate and you’ve got an actively exploding volcano.
This post is long enough already but I could talk about how military recruiters prey on rural high schools because they're easier to convince that they don't have anywhere else to go. They're easier to entice with the promise of free school. How I went from being in 5 AP classes to not having access to literally any. How the high school computer lab was full of iMacs (these ones) in the year of our lord two thousand and six. How one of the reasons we moved was that my original school was losing accreditation but all my classmates from there have PhDs and careers and I just have anxiety. The casual homophobia. The overwhelming social influence of the Southern Baptist churches (specifically Southern Baptists). Or the drugs. There are lots and lots of drugs.
We have this culturally accepted idea that people who live in rural areas are hicks, hayseeds and hillbillies, who choose to segregate themselves from society and therefore deserve to be excluded from it. That they're all Dale Gribble types who want to live off the grid so the government can't track them, or live-off-the-land types who don't need help anyway. OR, even if we cautiously accept the idea that they're actual humans with lives, they're probably hardcore conservative fundie racists so fuck 'em. And you know what? There are a lot of hardcore conservative fundie racists, at least here in the Bible Belt. (My parents, thankfully, are not among them. Ironically, I thank God for this often.)
But they're not worth throwing out an entire demographic. There are three generations of families living within ten miles of each other because they can't leave, either because they don't have the money, or the education, or their parents need care they can't otherwise get because they live a million miles from anything. My dad’s sister was an RN, her husband a cop (I didn’t pick him, okay) and they moved back to her extremely rural home town to take care of my grandmother. My mom straight-up disappeared for months to take care of her mother because she wouldn’t move out of the middle of nowhere, Alabama. People get shamed for leaving to live in bigger cities. Or, god forbid, Up North Somewhere. There's immense social pressure to stay and take care of the family, if you leave you're "betraying your roots", or whatever stupid thing. People are trapped there, for whatever reason, and they're just...ignored. By everyone.
Just thinking about all the stuff those kids could have, should have, and don't, for no good goddamn reason, just burns me to my core. The people who don't get care they need because they had the audacity to be old or sick or disabled outside the Metro area. The politicians who are SUPPOSED to represent them writing heartbeat bills, claiming to want to protect children, and playing I Do Not See It when literal living children in their district have no food or heat or education worth a damn. An entire demographic, just...invisible, unless someone needs quick votes. Sometimes not even then.
anyway that's my soapbox rant, ty for enabling me anon
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the-fangirl-way · 5 years
Text
2: Ink
I looked up Harry's file, I had looked at it before on the FBI page, but it was the standard documents, medical history, school records, and his background.
I pulled out the access code Mr. Callahan had given me and typed it into the systems network, instantly at least thirty more documents on Harry came up, these were the very private documents that only officials such as Mr. Callahan and the higher ranked officers were allowed access to.
The newest up to date picture of Harry had been his mugshot from six months ago, back when his skin wasn't so pale it was almost gray, or when his cheeks weren't so sunken in from malnourishment. His hair was tamed, still long, but not as long as it was now.
Harry had been an attractive guy at one point, although I would never admit that to anyone.
Reports of Harry's recent run in with the law came up and I wasn't shocked to find out he had ties with several drug busts and had been caught using more than once. It was minor charges of marijuana, nothing heavier than THC.
The next few files were smaller accusations, a DUI, and a claim of property damage, the dated year was Harry's senior year of high school, no doubt a stupid high school prank.
Nothing really seemed to stand out, but I jotted down the small accounts in the file.
The next couple of pages were more or less just added information, court dates, tickets, so on and so forth.
It wasn't until about the fifth page I found the one document that could be my potential next lead.
Mr. Samuel Tracey, the owner of the handgun found in Harry's car that night.
It looked like I was going to have to pay Mr. Tracey a visit.   
Samuel Tracey lived six blocks from my apartment, he wasn't hard to find.
I knocked on his door and waited patiently, I could hear shuffling from the other side. Finally a gruff voice hollered "Who is it?"
"Detective DeLaney. I'm looking for a Samuel Tracey." I said holding up my badge to the peephole, the deadbolt clicked and the door cracked open before an old man with a beard submerged from behind it.
He was wearing glasses and a sweater vest, those were the first things I noticed about Mr. Tracey.
"What do you want?"
"Mr. Tracey, have you ever seen this man?" I asked holding up a picture of Harry from the folder in my hands.
Tracey studied the picture for a second before nodding slightly.
"I've seen him. Why? What has he done?"
I looked around, his house was located on a busy street, cars and people passing by.
"It's kind of a personal matter, mind if I come inside?" I asked and he paused before slowly moving out of the doorway allowing me to step inside.
His home was warm, and smelled old.
"Have a seat." Tracey grumbled before taking a seat himself on the recliner across from the couch.
"So what's he done?"
"Well, Mr. Tracey-"
"Call me Sam." He corrected.
"He was found about six months ago with a handgun in his car, this particular handgun belonged to you." I said and he sighed a long exasperated sigh.
"Damn kids." He mumbled under his breath.
"Excuse me?" I asked and he rubbed his hands together sitting forward.
"Harry and my boy were friends, Douglas," He said gesturing to a picture of a young man about Harry's age hanging on the wall.
"Douglas was killed about two months ago in a drug heist." Tracey said clearing his throat and I instantly felt sympathy for him.
"I'm so sorry."
"No, he was always getting into trouble, hell from the time he was in elementary school I was getting calls for his behavior, I didn't expect much more out of him as he got older." He explained, I noticed then the bottle of scotch and glass sitting on the coffee table. Mr. Tracey poured himself a glass before offering me some which I declined.
"My wife Laura," He continued, "died giving birth, leaving me to raise Douglas. I tried my best by him, worked three jobs to give him the best life I could give him, but he took it for granted." He said taking a sip of his drink.
"Mr. Tra- Sam," I corrected, "You said Harry and your son were friends?" I asked and he nodded.
"Harry and Douglas went to school together, and they were friends all the way up until about six months ago when Harry disappeared. They would hang out after school and once they graduated my son and Harry would hang out almost every other day or so, no doubt both doing things they shouldn't do, which leads me to ask again, what did Harry do?"
I sighed and opened the folder containing Harry's file.
"About six months ago the police found Harry's car outside of a Mr. Wesley Langston's home, he had been waiting there for about four hours for Mr. Langston to return home, and he had your handgun in the car with him. He also had some rope, sheets, duct tape, other various items, so the intent was clear what he was planning on doing." I said and Mr. Tracey's features changed to surprised by the news.
"Harry?" He asked and I nodded.
"Harry was such a good kid, I mean, he got into trouble like Douglas but Harry would never try to kill anyone.."
"I would like to think so too Mr. Tracey, but as of right now Harry is still pledging guilty until proven otherwise." I said and Tracey sighed.
"I don't know anything about the gun. I realized it was missing about two weeks ago when I was going through my things trying to find something to sell to pay my rent," he said taking another sip, "since Douglas passed I've let myself slip, I lost all three of my jobs, of course, the government takes no pity on people like me. So I decided to try and sale some of my things to get money to get back on my feet until I could find a job, I didn't even know the gun was gone until then." He explained and I nodded sympathizing.
"Well, the gun will stay with the police for evidence until the trial is over and decided, if you want it back-"
"I don't want it back." Tracey said cutting me off.
"Tell them to keep it, I'll even sign my name over to them, I just, I don't want it back. I'm old," He started, "I'm old and I'm at the point now, my wife is gone, my son is gone, if someone breaks into my house with the intent to kill me, well, I'll be ready." His eyes were misty and I swallowed a lump, such a sad thing when someone doesn't value their life anymore after all the trials and tribulations they had been through.
"I understand." I said finally, gathering my things to leave.
"I'll let the police department know that you want to sign the title over to them, I'm sure someone will contact you within the next week or so to do it."
Tracey nodded and then he too stood up.
"I'm sorry I wasn't more help." He said and I shook my head.
"No, you were a good help, I can mark this off my list." I said and he smiled a small smile then offered to walk me out.
"Thank you for your time Mr. er, Sam." I corrected.
"You're quite welcome Ms. DeLaney."
I headed to my car, it had started to rain, shocker.
My phone began to ring and it was Lennon.
"Hello?"
"Good morning." He said from the other end and I could practically hear his flirty smirk.
"Are you off today?" I asked.
"I am, I was actually wondering if you wanted to get some lunch?" He asked and I wanted to say yes, but I knew I had far too much research to do.
"I would love to, but Callahan has me on Harry search all weekend."
"Oh, I understand." He said sighing.
There was a silence.
"So I'm guessing our dinner plans are off for tonight then?"
I felt my heart sink, I had forgotten about our date.
"Tristan I-"
"No really, it's fine." He said sincerely although I knew he was really disappointed.
I thought about it for a minute.
"You know what? How does takeout sound? My place tonight? Maybe you can help me with my research." I said and I heard him chuckle.
"Sounds great. Seven?"
"Seven." I agreed before hanging up.
I drove to the library, it was always quiet there and I figured I could get some more research done.
The wind whipped around me creating goosebumps on my arms and legs, I was glad I had chosen to wear slacks today.
As I stepped through the library door, the warmth welcomed me, I always silently adored libraries, the smell of books and the serene calm of the silence of those going into parallel universes created in their minds by the turning of each page.
The librarian, Doris, knew me well, she lived in our building for while after Devlin and I moved in and I had come to this library many times in the past to do research on cases. She smiled fondly at me as I walked over the help desk.
"Detective DeLaney nice to see you."
"Doris, I told you, call me Avery." I said smiling and she laughed.
"I'll try to remember that."
I smiled at at her and headed over to the table I usually sat at, pulling out my laptop and connecting it to the internet.
The next four hours I spent looking up every single detail I could get about Harry, his mother Anne, his sister Gemma, his father Desmond, all of the people in his life. There was nothing out of the ordinary, which only infuriated me more that I wasn't getting anything.
My cell phone buzzed in my pocket and I stepped outside to take the call, it was Devlin.
"Hey Ave, I'm on lunch wanna grab something?" She asked and I thought about declining but the growl in my stomach told me otherwise.
"Where?"
**
I met Devlin at Wahaca, a Mexican restaurant, she was sitting in a corner booth clad in her scrubs, today was Minnie Mouse.
"I ordered you a tequila sunrise." She said smirking and I rolled my eyes.
"It's midday."
"And? You walked here didn't you?"
I started to protest but the waitress reappeared with a large glass of orange and red liquid, an umbrella and orange wedge sat on top.
"Thank you."
She took our order before disappearing again.
"So, any news on Styles?" She asked dipping a chip in salsa.
"No, and the only lead I got turned out to not really be a lead at all. Turns out the gun that was on him belonged to a friend of his father, his son, Harry's friend, was killed a couple of months ago and he doesn't want the gun back." I said and she looked sympathetic.
"How sad."
"Tell me about it."
"So what now?" She asked and I shrugged tugging on my hair.
"I have no idea Dev, Callahan wants all this information on Styles by Monday and I have nothing."
"What about the other guy? Langston right?"
"I haven't done a lot of research on him yet, but the police already talked to him and said he cleared." I said and she nodded.
"You should still do some research just in case they missed something."
"You're right." I agreed and the food arrived.
We ate and talked some more about the case and her job.
"I'm telling you, if he asks again I'm tempted to do it." She said and I laughed.
"I think you should, he's good looking, smart, he's obviously got money.."
"Yeah, yeah." She said waving her hand.
"What about you and Officer sexy?" She asked talking about Lennon, I could feel my cheeks reddening.
"He's actually coming over tonight."
Her eyebrows lifted and she smirked.
"Oh really? Should I occupy myself with something tonight and leave you two...?"
"No, it's not like that." I said rolling my eyes, "He's just coming to help me with the case."
"Mmhmm, I hope you shaved your legs."
I rolled my eyes but could feel my cheeks blazing again.
"I mean it's not like you haven't-"
I blushed even harder and avoided her gaze.
"Oh my God, you haven't slept with him yet? Seriously?"
"Shut up." I said and she burst into a fit of giggles.
"Ave! Get on it! I mean literally get on it. "
"Shut up!"
"I'm just saying!" She said throwing her hands up and then checking her watch.
"Shit, I have to get back to work."
I nodded and slid out of the booth behind her, laying a tip on the table as we walked out.
"I'll see you at home." I said and she shook her head.
"Oh no, I'm not coming home until late, I'll leave you and Officer Hot Pants to it."
I smacked her on the arm and she laughed again before hugging me and departing in the opposite direction to her car.
The walk back to the library was short, but I was freezing by the time I got there.
**
My muscles were stiff from sitting so long and when I checked the time I jumped in panic to realize that it was going on five thirty.
I put my laptop back in my bag and my things before waving goodbye to Doris and leaving the library.
The air outside had dropped measurably and I shivered getting into my car putting the heat on full blast.
When I got to the apartment I took a quick shower, shaving my legs I felt the heat return to my cheeks, Devlin could be right.
**
I was in the kitchen when I heard the doorbell buzz and I headed to the speaker.
Come on up." I said and within a few minutes I heard a light tap on the door.
I opened the door, expecting to see Tristan on the other side, but who was there instead had my heart pounding, my head swimming, and the feeling of vomit creeping up my windpipe.
He was leaning up against the door frame, his arms crossed, clad in a white tee shirt and a pair of black jeans; his inky tattoos snaked up his arms and across his torso visible through his thin tee shirt. His hair was now tamed and swirled in waves around his face, a smirk placed on his full lips, his green eyes burning dangerously into mine.
"Hello Avery." Greeted Harry.  
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