#i don't know how im going to survive. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mwagneto · 8 months

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one week til those old men fuck each other on my screen. said while gripping the bathroom sink and staring in the mirror

#bro i barely made it out of these episodes like i literally almost passed out i got so dizzy #i don't know how im going to survive.#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ed x stede #blackbonnet

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inkskinned · 8 months

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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

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emberglowfox · 10 months

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closing time

#you know situation's dire when sparks breaks out the color block sona vent art LOOOOOOOL #sparks speaks #vent #again to all my new-ish followers i do post stuff like this from time 2 time PLEASE block one of those tags if you don't want to see it #long post #edit: fine to rb idgas #ummm NEway. i go back to college in like a month and the thought of it makes me want to curl up and die. idk if i can do it again tbh lol #i dont know how i survived the first time #<- LYING he does. and it was by letting the dissociation he is currently bitching about swallow him completely #if i really committed and tried i could probably claw my way out of this. but there's really no point when i'll just fall back into it soon #the forgetting my entire life does suck though. it does suck.#its really cool learning you've lost the only thing you thought you couldn't lose.#anyways. i'm fine im chillin i just. needed to get this out #if youre reading this preciate you. drink water

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transmechanicus · 1 month

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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.

#my stuff #i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks #like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy #hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control #can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone #so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks #im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better #i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up #cause i can see that happening #i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something #and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you #i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.

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layzeal · 1 year

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something about the way wwx, against all odds and against his own plans, just kept living and surviving through events that he was certain would kill him, so by the time sunshot ends and his heart is still beating he just becomes... mellow

#he wasn't meant to have survived the core surgery. but he did #he wasn't meant to have survived the burial mounds. and he did #he knew damn well the risks of that surgery and he knew that making through these events alive was a slim chance #and somehow. because he's god's favorite pincushion #he just kept surviving #and by the time sunshot ends all he can do is drink and hang out with his ghost girls #all the disciples he knew are dead and he can't train the new ones. he doesn't have a core. he can't keep up #everything he has are the jiang siblings. his wine. and his ghosts #and i don't think he knew what he was supposed to do after that #he was living day after day and ???? then what?#how long will you keeo this secret wheb you're living under the same roof as the one you're keeping it from #idk where im going with this im just #i think post-sunshot pre-burial mounds wwx is a guy that wasn't supposed to be alive #which is why he's either super mellow or angry #he's not part of this cultivation world anymore and he knows it #two years of guidao instead of sword? ok #but ten years? twenty? people will be questioning #he hadn't planned to survive for this long and now that he did he doesn't know what to do with himself #modao #lace speaks

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the-lark-ascending69 · 1 month

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> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

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glittergroovy · 17 days

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#going through an absolutely uh heart wrenching breakup right now and #i need someone older and wiser to tell me how this goes #we live together. she wants to be single. i want to keep her as my lover. i wanted to live with her like lovers for the rest of our lives.#we want to stay friends. we're best friends. weve dated for 6.5 years. im nauseous in denial i don't have people who know how to help me #dumb putting this bs on glitter blog but just in case anyone has survived something like this and can DM me hi #how do you live with someone youve had the best times of ur life with when they don't want you to be more than friends #i want to hold her forever. she doesn't want to be beholden to anyone in this point of life.#im deleting this post later just hoping someone might see and help bc i am absolutely lost and dont know how on earth to act #im in fuckin nyc and it hurts being alone somewhere so big. crying on the subway and shit.#we live together. we live together. the lease ends february 2025. what the fuck. its a studio apartment. its one room and one bed.#op barks

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that-gay-jedi · 8 months

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Ugh I have to go to the post office before work today and I don't want to bc their floor hurts more to stand on than any other surface I know of :/

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everymlmhybrid · 5 months

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this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think

#.txt #reservoir dogs -#sorry for just randomly posting clips . i was actually working on my vid i swear but then i started Thinking. and here we are.#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->#(im only sorry for the sheer amount of tags or if u disagree w/ my interpretations / headcanons. if ur just annoyed lmfao sucks to be you!)#anyways. you guys ever think abt the way orange HAS TO know white's lying to him abt his odds of survival.#bc i think abt that genuinely constantly. all the time thinking about it.#also the ''joe's gonna get you 100% again'' -> first of all . lol. second of all -> ''he was the only one i wasn't 100% on'' hello? HELLO!!#also freddy's voice here makes me feel like punching walls . like it makes me wail in anguish.#no but yeah i think abt the theme of lying & the fact some of the first lies we hear are in this scene in a way #also this part is leaning wayyy harder on headcanon but i always think. like if orange WASNT lying abt who he is. then it'd be reasonable #forhim to not know how likely he is to die and/or how blatantly larry's lying (''i'm talking days!'') but as a cop he SOOO knows he's fcked #but like . what's he gonna do. ''hey i know that's bullshit'' like obviously not and partly bc of How he knows but also bc like #you just don't argue with the only guy who's caring for you while you're seemingly on the brink of death!! LMAO #and certainly not when he's the only one telling you you'll be fine!! even if he's just bullshitting you so you don't freak out!!#I DON'T KNOW i go kinda insane about this scene . as . you can tell.#if you too are insane about this and the implications . don't worry. in several months. my fic will feed you. you will see.#idk . larry lying to and/or for him <33333333 kinda makes me go insane. kinda makes me go wild.#idk. i should be getting ready for bed rn. WHATEVER. bye. logging off. if you read all these i'm in love with you okay #i've just been turngin them around in my head like a microwave for hours so i needed to infodump or else i would explode i think

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mediocrefruitlover · 14 days

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:((((

#i am doing this entire database assignment by myself basically. some of them figured out the er diagram a few days ago and i volunteered to #write the paper because i was sick that day and felt bad for not participating #turns out literally everything they've done is wrong and im 99% sure it was all from chatgpt the code is wrong and not the way the professor #wants it. so now ive written the entire paper and have to rewrite the SQL code and build the fucking database #all while i have an exam at 8 tomorrow #im probably not going to sleep tonight #its fine im not like stressed to the point of feeling shitty and depressed i know that i just have to survive the day and things will be ok #after this #but idk how people can be like this #idk how you can be okay with letting one person do the majority of the work on a group assignment. if that were me the shame would kill me #and when i asked for help in the group chat no one responded it's been seen by all members but no reply and that pissed me off so much #id rather they come out and say they don't know how to do it than flat out ignore the work.

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gayemeralds · 2 years

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here's the thing about shadow: his role, as the protector/savior of the world, is already being utilized. there's someone else filling his role. sonic.

shadow fulfilling his goal of protecting the world would have been fine as a one off thing. shadow being the protector and dying valiantly thus fulfilled what gerald and maria originally intended for him. he kept his promise to maria, even at the ultimate cost.

but by bringing him back from the dead, sega brought about a very big question- what do we do with him now? the role he wants is already being filled. there's not really a need for him. so what's left for him?

i don't think sega honestly has a concrete answer. the route they seem to take is that shadow's trying to let go of his past but also keep maria's promise. but i think, for both fans and sega, that they put far too much emphasis on maria's promise. i don't think it's a satisfying arc for shadow to save the world just because he feels he has to, just because he promised he would, just because he was intended to do so. shadow 05 was all about a deep exploration into morality and identity. what is shadow, now that maria and gerald are no longer in his life? what is shadow, now that someone is already fulfilling the role of the hero?

personally, if i had been in charge, i would have put him on team chaotix. having shadow align with g.u.n. is frankly a bad move- the very same branch of government that literally killed shadow's family and is filled to the brim with corruption? i don't see shadow joining, not willingly. and i definitely don't see him joining as an alternative to being a hero. the commander and him still have a lot of unresolved conflict and there's the fact that g.u.n. KILLED maria and EXECUTED gerald.

i think him being a part of team chaotix would be a good compromise. shadow's allowed to let go of his past, to no longer live up to the expectations of others. he's not just fulfilling a role, he's not just doing what he was always originally intended to do- he's carving out his own path and his own identity but he's still able to keep maria's promise, just on a smaller scale. he helps the chaotix with smaller level cases, helps keep people smiling and happy, becomes a hero to the little people.

the chaotix could definitely help him loosen up and learn to create his own identity without worrying about other people's perception. shadow fufills his promise without compromising the idea of giving him a life separate to the one gerald and gun intended for him. he's not a weapon or a cure or a saviour or whatever. he can just be shadow.

#there is something quite lovely to me in the idea of weapon of revenge shadow the hedgehog #ends up being some guy that helps old ladies cross the street or gets cats out of trees #its about the choice of living a peaceful life after seeing so much hate and tragedy #its about being able to choose mundanity #its not about surviving or fighting or whatever #its about thriving #sega official speaks #i don't know #like im fond of the idea that shadow wants to keep his promise but i always HATE how much like..... spotlight/focus is on that aspect #i think its counterintuitive to have him only be a hero because of maria #i honestly don't think thats particualry canon #or at least wasn't the direction they were going with him until they jsut gutted his character into edgy sonic rival #in my mind he'd more of a bonus back up character #like he's plan b if something goes wrong with sonic #but he wouldn't be a part of the main cast #also i don't necessarily mind team dark as a family but i just don't really think they would be able to #and i stress #HEALTHILY give shadow a sense of identity while fufilling maria's promise #omega can teach shadow how to live beyond what his creators wanted from him #and rouge can teach him the value of selfishness #the value of your own life #but ultimately i don't think they would give him the color he's looking for #the two of them live VERY exciting lives too #and i think it would be nice for shadow to end up being a bit more mundane. still here to help but in his own way.#after years of thinking youre just a weapon or you just need to dish out revenge #years of straggling and uncertainty. i think he deserves a bit of peace. like emerl/gemerl did.#etc etc etc etc also i think it would be funny for shadow and charmy to be on the same team. thank you for your time

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rapidhighway · 9 months

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just went through some muse tags and saw many ppl taking about how they love will of the people. Like, I WANT to like it. I reaaaally wanted to like it and it makes me want to try listening through it but I don't want to go through that again

#its baaad ToT its so cringe idk how else to say #i know i bitch and moan about new muse like every month on here whatever #i will be forever upset about this #the only muse cds I don't have are 2nd law and hullabaloo soundtrack but i will get them and that that im not buying simulation and im #DEFINITELY not getting will #like??#and you know what made me real mad? that it's not even in a plastic box???? its in some kind of shitty envelope?#i got really pissed when i saw that xdd #cds on release are beyond my budget but at least make a box thats pretty and will survive longer than the winter idk #the only song i like from will is compliance #can't stand anything else #and like the overall album just kind of ruined it for me so much I feel bad listening to compliance anyway sjxnsks #ughh #ok im just gonna go listen to good music now

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piplupod · 3 months

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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

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anervousmirrorball · 7 months

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can't fucking stop crying thinking about how much I love her

#crying in bed thinking about all the years ive loved her for #9 years #9 years of my life and i cannot imagine my life without her music i dont know how i wouldve survived some of the darkest times of my life #its so so scary thinking about the future #im never gonna stop loving her but the future is scary for me #i don't know how to describe what im feeling #the post concert depression is real #*film #i want to go back i want to look at her on the screen and put my hands out to her again and keep them on my heart again

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the-yearning-astronaut · 4 months

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#i know crying is good #im always an advocate for crying #it's healthy it's helpful it's healing #but i do NOT want to cry again ffs #i think ive cried 2-3 times since Friday? Saturday? idek. nearly once a day at least #im exhausted. I don't wanna cry again.#ive been on survival mode for so fucking long and i genuinely don't know how to keep going #I feel like im just gonna. shut down soon.#i'll still be here #but I'll be an apathetic shell #ive been there before and i really don't want to be there again #but idk how else to keep going #and i hate everything about this because this is how my mother gets through each day #and i don't want to do that #so idk maybe i need to keep crying #because as exhausting as it is #at least I'm feeling something and im reacting to something #fuuuuuuck #☉#tbd

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lone-is-papyrus · 9 months

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Ya know, every now and again I realize that the people I casually talk to on Instagram are just random artists I liked and started chatting with

How??? How did I do that? They live in a completely different timezones and some are even a day ahead

Everyone questions why I'm so good at making friends and even I don't have the answer

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