#i don't think i'd be able to talk to anyone i've ever known from within my age group. not that i'd really want to either

[enchantinglyjade]

✩ I Can Dream About You ✩ Part 1

Sebastian Kydd x OC

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Warning: Swearing Note: Y'all I'm so excited to start working on new stories(I will not be abandoning Milk & Honey BTW). But I have so many new ideas I'm excited to share. Hope you enjoy!

-

Castlebury High School.

I hate it here.

Honestly, I wish I would have just gotten bullied, at least that way I'd have proof someone actually saw me, but instead, I was invisible.

I was a nobody.

When people passed me in the halls, it's like they'd just look right through me.

I was a ghost, haunting the halls in my first year of high school.

But then, Donna saw me.

She saw me sitting at the lunch tables eating alone like I had always done. She felt bad for me, invited me to her table, offered me a spot in her circle, promised me the world. She trained me, taught me how to do makeup, dress nice, sneak out of class without my parents ever finding out. I felt confident and beautiful. People finally started looking in my direction.

But not at me, at her.

Not that I would have known the difference most of the time anyway.

Now, I'm invisible with a leader.

I fell for it. Fell for her dirty tricks and lies. I was vulnerable and she played me like a stack of cards. She thought my ghostliness would be useful to her. She had me doing all of her dirty work that the Jens were too sloppy to accomplish. She'd make me fake her mom's voice to call her in and out of school, steal blush and lipstick for her at our local beauty store, and sit on lookout while she and her newest boy toy did unspeakable things in the locker rooms.

All in exchange for what? A chance to stand within a 4 foot distance from the princess?

Donna is the most popular, prettiest girl in school, and I let her manipulate me into her perfect little minion.

I tell myself at least I'm not a band geek, but every day that passes, I can only envy them. I bet they have so much more fun than me. I can't imagine being allowed to be openly smart and talented under Donna's shadow. Damn, I wish I was a band geek.

After 3 long years of pink lipstick, hair ratting, and wearing the most horrendous of neon colors, senior year became upon us.

I'm 18 now. Graduation is so close I can practically taste freedom. 9 more months and I'll finally be able to kiss this school goodbye for good and never think about anyone here ever again.

But then he showed up.

Sebastian, the bad boy, transfer student. He practically drips with charisma and experience, and quickly became the knew 'it' guy of the school that everyone drools over. Donna, of course, had to have him.

"Ooo, check out the new hottie." Donna blurts out, twirling her hair and smacking her gum, watching as a few boys from the football team talk to him. "He's perfect. You guys are gonna help me get him."

I admit, he is gorgeous, but he isn't anyone special either, just another asshole trying to be the next cool, popular kid.

Guess I can't say much, that's basically what reeled me in, but at least I'm aware of my own shallowness.

"How are we gonna do that?" Jen 1 asks.

"I'll think of something, don't worry." She says scheming in that evil head of hers. "Come." She waves for us to follow in her direction and the 3 of us do so like the good little pets we are. She struts over, purposely putting an extra sway in her hips as she passes Sebastian, earning her a glance from him and the entire student body present in that area. She smiles, wiggling her perfectly pink polished fingers at him, before continuing forward without a second care in the world.

I follow only a few feet behind her and the Jens. For a moment, I peek up to see if this Sebastian guy really fell for such an old trick in the book, to see if he really is the chump Donna thinks he is.

When my head rises, I accidentally make direct eye contact with him. He nods as a greeting to me, causing my lids to widen. I've never had anyone look at me before, I'm almost shocked that he can even see me.

Self conscious, I turn away, awkwardly pacing back over to my designated clique.

I can't believe he looked at me. For that long too. And after Donna!

I shake my thoughts away, following Donna into our next period. Maybe he's just desperate, looking for anything with legs. If he's looking in my direction he must be EXTREMELY desperate. What a pig!

Lucky for me, I soon find out I have the privilege of sharing American History with the new king and queen of the school.

Donna, of course, snatches the seat right next to Sebastian. I settle for 2 rows behind her, close enough that she can call if she needs an extra swipe of lipstick, but far away enough that I won't be in direct line of her bullshit or flirting.

The teacher goes on and on about boring nonsense while the class quickly wallows into sleep.

Donna taps her pencil on her desk with boredom, eyeing the man candy next to her with a gleaming smirk. When the teacher turns his back, she leans over towards Sebastian's desk. "Love the jacket. It's so vintage!" She whispers, gracefully gliding her hand up the sleeve of his jacket.

He turns his head in surprise, but chuckles at her actions. "Thanks. My dad's."

A week goes by of shadowing Donna as she works her magic and yet he still hasn't taken a hint. Her frustration only built up everyday that he denied her advances, which only meant it's been a week of hell for The Jens and I.

For a moment, I'm impressed. I had hope. Maybe he wasn't a pig after all. I mean, it didn't take most guys a week to catch on to Donna's clues and definitely didn't take them that long to ask on their own, unless they were insanely out of her league and intimidated, which he is clearly not. I thought, maybe he's a guy that respects himself and has actual standards. Or better yet, maybe he wants something stable and long term.

But eventually, my hopes were diminished.

On my way to third period, I walk straight into them talking in the dark art hallway in the basement. It doesn't take a genius to see how private this area would be to 'talk'.

Guess he doesn't wait long to start getting busy.

I mutter an apology to them, and while avoiding Donna's glare for my interruption, I quickly scurry away.

"I'll catch up with you later, Donna."

"Alright, 'Bastian. Don't miss me too much."

'Bastian'. Please, I'm gonna be sick. They already have nicknames for each other? They've only known each other for a week! What kind of weird, phony, bullsh-

"Hey."

My soul nearly jumps out of my body. I twist my neck to see Sebastian jogging in my direction, before stopping in front of me. "You dropped this."

Is he... talking to me?

I stay frozen, hoping to stay out of the way of whoever he is talking to. However, when I notice he doesn't move, I glance over my shoulders, desperately trying to find the person that should be answering to him.

"I'm talking to you." He chuckles.

When I turn back towards him, I find out he is in fact talking to me. He holds his arm out, an English notebook in hand with my doodles plastered all over the cover. I shyly take it from him, stuffing it in my arms with the rest of my books, and when I thank him our eyes lock for only a second time since I've known him.

His stare puts shivers straight down my spine. He really does have some beautiful, blue eyes. But before I allow myself to see anymore of him, I spin on my toes speeding towards my class.

"Hey, wait up! Where ya headed?" He says, jogging back over to my side.

I swallow, voice dry and groggy from being inactive most hours of the day. "Art."

Unfortunately, he continues to walk the same direction as me. "I have art too. Funny. Never noticed you in there."

I sigh. Just another confirmation about how much of a ghost I am. "Most don't." I mutter under my breath, pushing open the art room door and sitting at my seat near the back of the class.

Much to my dismay, Sebastian takes the seat next to me, slamming down his bag next to my leg. I take in a deep breath, ignoring the fact that I can practically feel him looking at me, before reaching over to dig through my backpack for my sketchbook.

When I place it down on the table in front of me, he speaks. "So...You a Jen? I've noticed you follow Donna around most everywhere."

Why is he talking to me? None of Donna's exes ever bothered to get to know the Jens, let alone me, so what does he want? Is he some sort of psychopath? Maybe he's gonna try and manipulate everyone into thinking he's some great guy so we won't think he's a suspect when Donna's body gets discovered on the news or something...

I adjust myself in my seat, scooching over an inch away from him. "No, I'm an Alex."

"Alex." He repeats slowly in a way that makes heat rise to my cheeks. I guess I never really heard anyone but teachers say it. Damn, I really am a loser, aren't I? "I could tell you were different, you seem like you have an actual personality... and awareness."

A small grin appears on my face from his comment, but I quickly force my cheeks back down. He's a psychopath, remember!

Just when I think he's finally leaving me alone, he leans over the table in an attempt to peek at my face beneath my hair, but I snap my head away and hide myself behind my hand. What is he doing? Why is he so weird!? Stop perceiving me!

"Aw come on, don't be like that. I saw that smile. No need to be so serious and guarded." My smile can't help but creep back just a little bit. I lower my hand peering curiously, but suspiciously at him over my fingertips. He leans back in his chair, lip curling when he meets my gaze for a third time. "You know, Alex, you don't seem too bad."

I drop my hand now, nervously fumbling with the rings in my sketchbook while my stomach flutters with butterflies. Donna really bagged a weirdo this time, and why is it affecting me? "Thanks...?"

With that, the bell rings and the teacher begins giving out instructions. While she speaks, I flip open my sketchbook and make a few last scribbles and smudges on my last drawing before we move on to a new exercise.

Sebastian slaps his forearms down obnoxiously loud and forcefully against the table, causing the whole thing to shake as he does so. I pull my pencil away just in time before it smears down a dark and unerasable line on the page from his movement, then clench my teeth as I watch him inch closer to me and my paper. "So, why aren't you taking a class with Donna? Aren't you supposed to be bodyguarding her every move."

I take a pause, ensuring he isn't going to move again, before gently touching the pencil back down on the paper. One of the Jens is in Math with her right now, assuming she's not skipping. Donna wouldn't get caught dead on this side of the school, art is my time. "Only moment of peace I get."

He bites his lips together in thought before he smacks his hands down onto the table, pounding out some sort of rhythm, and once again making me pause my drawing due to the shaking.

With a deep and annoyed grumble, I place my pencil down entirely. I'm going to get nowhere with him near, I might as well just succumb to a conversation with him. "Didn't peg you as the art type." I say, dryly.

His head snaps back quick in my direction, surprised that I spoke up. "Oh, I'm not. Required. Didn't know you could draw." He says leaning over onto my side of the table once again, eyes glossing over my still unfinished sketch. "Wow. That's amazing." He says in awe.

Let me guess, he's so bad at drawing that he can't even draw a circle or a stick figure?

"I can't even draw a stick figure." He exclaims on cue.

Typical. I never get spoken to much, but one thing I can always count on people to talk about is my artwork. But every time it's always the same line.

I roll my eyes, placing my head in my hand and mindlessly scratch at the wood chipping on the edge of the table. "I'm sure you can't."

He scoffs out a laugh, simultaneously furrowing his brows. "What? You think I'm some jock or something?"

Not what I was going for but, "Might as well be."

He nods slowly, humming to himself while he sits back in his chair.

He doesn't say another word to me until the bell's ringing to dismiss us. "It was nice talking to you," as he walks out of the classroom.

6 words. 6 simple words that leave my mind jumbled all night on their meaning. Was he being genuine or sarcastic? Had I said something wrong? Made a bad first impression? I knew I shouldn't have said that last thing. I'm such an idiot. But most importantly, why do I can so much? It's not like he's ever going to talk to me again regardless.

Though, even that would be proven wrong. 

The next day at school, I see him again. It's one of those glorious times Donna decides to be too cool for school.

He's at one end of the hallway, I at the other. He strides down the hall like it's a runway, looking to charm anyone that dares to glance his way. He could mesmerize anyone he wants with that charisma of his and it nearly gets me every time, to the point that I've grown concerned over my sanity.

I grip the backpack straps on my shoulder as he comes closer and closer, unsure if I should bother looking to greet him. He probably forgot who I am already. It'd be embarrassing if I waved at him.

To my surprise, he waves first. "Hey, Alex." He enunciates, making sure I know he's talking to me.

I'm taken aback at first, but I wave back, barely having enough time to smile before he's already passed me by.

That one interaction was enough to leave my stomach swarming with light and bubbly feelings. My heart pounded loudly for him from that day forward and I just knew I was destined for trouble and disappointment.

He's Donna's, she made that very clear from day one, and she always gets what she wants.

I need to get rid of these feelings as quickly as I can, but life is never that easy, is it?

[crownmemes]

Elementary Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from Elementary (2012-2019). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"I would never suggest that a woman cannot melt corpses."

"Your romantic inclinations are not a flaw to be corrected; they're a trait to be accepted."

"I know you, and I know you'll never be happy within the confines of a 'traditional relationship.' I said what I said because it pains me to see you try to fit into one simply because it is the default mode of polite society."

"Did you bring a child with you to work today?"

"It is a poor detective that blames her evidence."

"You must understand that you will always be special to me."

"Can we do something besides talk about murder?"

"Imagine sitting for an oil portrait in this day and age. The hubris practically leaks off the canvas."

"What is wrong with me? I'm not feeling anything I'm supposed to be feeling..."

"I'm an expert in many things, but love is not one of them."

"You think this is an exercise in self-pity?"

"It's a form of torture, having to swim through my old life."

"Would it not have been simpler to just tell me?"

"You're not a doctor anymore, and I'm not your patient."

"If you want to drag your feet on this, feel free. Just keep in mind, this investigation could be handled quietly, or it could show up on the evening news."

"Do you plan to reproduce? Are you going to procreate at some point?"

"The things that I do, you think that I do them because I'm a good person. I do them because it would hurt too much not to."

"It hurts. All this. Everything I see, everything I hear, touch, smell. The conclusions that I'm able to draw, the things that are revealed to me."

"You helped me when I needed help. I won't forget it."

"I've thought long and hard about it and, after many, many hours, I've come to the most wretched of realizations: you are my friend."

"Well, I confess to being surprised that this has escaped my attention."

"I have what some may call a strong personality."

"Sometimes, without meaning to, I can bend others to my point of view."

"You are, in your own way, a lonelier man than me."

"The great love of my life is a homicidal maniac. No one's perfect."

"I don't have enough caffeine in my system to understand you right now."

"What is existence but the absorption of and the reaction to the data that the universe presents?"

"That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard you say, and I've known you a long time."

"Justice is like an orgasm; it can never come too late."

"My behaviour was inexcusable, and I do apologize."

"I let myself in. I hope you don't mind?"

"I've always been willing to go to great lengths to protect my family."

"How much do you really know of my father?"

"Spies don't have motives; they have orders."

"If I've learned one thing over the past couple of years, it's the importance of making amends."

"The past is the past; I wish to move forward."

"Ask yourself; when you were a boy, could anyone have parented you?"

"You're not a cop; you're a citizen with delusions of grandeur."

"Perhaps it's best that I don't hear the full explanation."

"I don't think that either of us is a fool."

"You don't care for my father much, do you?"

"You are one of the best liars that I have ever met, and that's saying something."

"You seem angrier than I'd expected. May I ask why?"

"Respectfully, I don't like that theory."

"You can never just drop anything, can you?"

"It's been a long time since you've enjoyed any intimate contact."

[asteriasfallingstarsandtears]

A very rough piece of when Graha left the 8th Calamity Timeline and brought himself and the Tower to the First and a chance meeting between worlds. I've taken some liberties and this is just a first draft.

Lost in the Sea

2427 words

G'raha x WoL references, Azemet references

G'raha, Hydaelyn, referenced named WoL, referenced Hades(Emet-Selch)

CW: Black Rose death, grief, threats of harm

It had worked, in a sense. G'raha Tia couldn't deny that the Tower and him had left the Source, the world he had been born in. The Tycoon had been a superb creation, the last invention of Cid and Nero before their passing, and realised by Bigg’s descendant. The Tower had also been fantastic, he was fairly certain that the fact he and it hadn't been completely destroyed was because it had formed a stasis around itself again.

The royal lineage and the Tower just survive above all. There were no more heirs. 

Just G'raha, and the Tower, and they were both trapped horribly in the Aetherial Sea.

It should have worked, there shouldn't have been this stop, the Rift and the Sea were so entwined, to go through one was to risk the other. 

And so, he sat at the door, horribly locked against everyone (and him) once more. Only this time he hadn't done it.

He slammed his fist against his leg, cursing himself. It was too much, he was the thinnest of Allag's bloodline left, and while the Tower listened to him, he didn't have the power to supplement it. He had been the weak point in this whole affair, centuries of work and effort, and he had failed before even starting.

There was a knock at the door and he frowned, believing it his imagination.

Another. “What in the world?”

He stood and laid his hand against the door, ordering it to open with a force of incredible will. If he was going mad, then let the Sea take him, he wouldn't be able to do the job anyway.

The doors slowly slid open and revealed a tall pale woman clothed in brilliant white robes. He stared up at her in disbelief, having to crane his head up considerably to meet her gaze. Had he ever seen anyone this tall before? She towered over even the tallest people he had known, making Biggs and Nero look like they were his height and he looked absolutely tiny compared to her.

What did one say to what must be an avatar of death or the delusion of his failing mind? Hello? What did it matter, he had clearly lost his mind and the Sea would claim him soon. 

“Hello, I'd offer to let you in, but it's rather a mess inside.” Her face shifts from placid peacefulness to full mirth, laughing boisterously as though he had said the most clever of jests. He stared at her, utterly perplexed at whatever his mind had conjured in these final moments. “If you don't mind, you're welcome inside, I guess?”

Her laughter quieted down into a giggle before she collected herself and stepped within the Tower’s bounds. She looked around as though she was someone who had been here before and was reacquainting herself with it. He supposed if she was some sort of guide to the afterlife it was possible she had, many people had died in the Tower when Allag fell. 

“I hope you don't find me terribly rude.” He began, trying to catch her attention. “But can I ask what you're doing here? I know what I'm doing here, but I don't know how anyone else can survive out there. And who are you?”

She stood there as though she hadn't heard him and then gave herself a little shake before turning back to him. “Forgive me, I was remembering someone I once knew. She lived in this Tower and died here, but I was here to catch her before she was lost, thankfully.”

“Uh…” This was a bizarre conversation and he felt completely out of sorts, as though he was supposed to know what she talked about but didn't. “I don't think anyone has died here since we opened the Tower the first time, and before that it would have been millenia. I'm sorry for your loss?” 

She smiled sadly. “It was, but that was then, and she has been lost for good this time.” Her face hardened as she looked at him and then knelt down so her face was on his level. He started at the irritation and anger on her face and the glowing prismatic blue eyes she had. He had seen those twice before, different colours, but so similar. He became very afraid, this woman had to be an Ascian. “And I have you to thank for that, G'raha Tia, heir of Allag.”

He swallowed heavily, not sure what to say. Had they learned of their plan to save the Warrior of Light? To stop the Calamity before it started? To undo the tragedy written in the Star? Would she destroy him and the Tower?

“Now tell me, little one, why I shouldn't throw you out of this Tower and condemn your soul to the deepest pits of the Underworld for your transgressions?” She seemed to grow bigger in front of him, or he grew smaller, a child being chastened. He knew who she spoke of, Azemya preserve him, she was talking about the very person he was trying to save, to unwrite her death and subsequent fall from Light from history's uncaring pages.

He briefly saw a flash of the last moment he saw her, horrible gurgles in her chest as she coughed up dark congealed blood and poisonous gas. The death she had been denied two centuries before by the man she had called Hades catching up with her in his darkest moment.

The moment he had failed Hades’ test, when he had looked back when he was told not to. He was told to not look until they had both left the city. He should have trusted her to tell him when she was safe, but he had been so excited, so relieved to have righted this wrong that he had believed whoever had tapped him on the shoulder and said she was there.

He had looked behind him.

She was still within the old gate of Garlemald city, the last barrier to cross.

And she had died 

Horribly.

He knelt down before her, pressing his head down against the cold stone flooring of the Tower.

“I don't deserve your mercy, only that I am trying to fix what I broke.” His voice is small, cracking with grief as he watched her die over and over in his mind. The guilt that had eaten him for two full years since that day, since he had buried himself in his work with Biggs and readied himself for his own sacrifice. “Please, I deserve to die, but I need to continue.”

The woman's face peers at him for horrible long seconds before it softens and she pats his head gently. “She told me she trusted you and what you planned, and so will I.”

“How do you…? How did she…?” He didn't know what to say, Mina had died in the ruins of Garlemald that Hades had made his own well before G'raha had returned to the Tower and learned of the time travel plan from Biggs. “But she's dead, she can't have known. I didn't know.”

She tilts her head curiously. “Is she? Lost, certainly, but none of us ever truly die. Even your own soul, were you to rejoin the Sea now, it would merely rest and remake itself in preparation of rebirth. But our souls, those who are beyond the cycle of death, we do not end so easily. There are certain souls who do not return to the Sea if they do not wish them to, and now, hers is likewise removed from the cycle of life and death.”

His heart sank. What he had done has irrevocably destroyed her chances of rebirth? 

“I'm trying to prevent it from happening.” He whispered, his heart being ground into even finer shards as he imagined the torment her soul must be in. “I couldn't stop it there, but I can try and stop it from ever happening in any world, in any timeline.”

“Of course you are, she told me you would, so I waited and watched, wondering if it would be this time or next time. Normally by now I would have given up on a timeline but this time…” she paused, looking him over thoughtfully. “This time, I'm glad I waited. The pieces were right, the Eighth Calamity had occurred, the Crystal Tower was occupied, Hades had captured her soul. I knew it had to be this time, it had to be the timeline she told me of.” She shook her head. “I would that I could have reached out to her, but Hades was too thorough in trapping her and breaking our bond.”

“Your bond?” His mind raced, trying to remember who she had a bond with. A horrible idea crossed his mind, but surely not. She didn't look like a Goddess, like he had always imagined one to look, or like the artwork of all Gods and Goddesses he had ever seen. 

The corner of her lips twitch in amusement and he peers closer at her. He cannot deny she appears as a woman, a very, very tall woman, but a woman nonetheless, as though someone had taken the template or a hyur and made it very, very large. 

But she had the same kind of eyes as Hades did and as Mina’s eyes had been turning into. 

What did it mean? Why did she have the same features as the Ascians he had come to know?

“Do you know who I am yet?” She asked gently.

“I don't know how it's possible.” 

Her form flickered, the woman turning into something larger and more impressive. He had the hazy vision of flowing lines of fabric, hair and crystalline wings before she resumed the form she had first appeared as. 

“This is really quite ingenious, the others don't give you enough credit. They never did, for all you carry the spark of what we were, and the ability to grow beyond us, but they only see you as broken and dull.” She looks around, shaking her head sadly. “I'll say that Hades did create something beautiful, he was always good at making such things. A shame that he turned it to such destructive purposes. If he had only worked with you mortals for good…” 

She turned back to him. “I am Hydaelyn, G'raha Tia, though I come to you as I once was.” She laid a hand on his head and he felt healing warmth and light spread through him, imbuing him with hope and purpose. “I said I wouldn't interfere, but it is imperative you complete your task, and I wished to meet you, to help you, to guide you to the First Reflection where the fate of your world will be determined. If you can succeed there, I will know mankind is ready, and in being ready, the Star will be saved.”

“It seems so hopeless here. I'm trapped, I failed to bring the Tower through the Rift to the First.” 

She laughs again, mirthful once more. “Only because I asked the Tower to wait.”

“You did what?” It had worked? He hadn’t failed, Hydaelyn herself had reached out from the Aetherial Sea and plucked him and it from their travels. “But why?”

“I wanted to know the one she spoke of.” She smiled. “I recognized your soul, you know, I may not have Hades’ eyes, but after so many long eons in the Sea, I have come to recognize those who resonate most with hers in every lifetime.”

His eyes widened in shock. “Then the scholars are right, we reincarnate?”

“In a sense. Whatever form you wear, you are as you were once, but that is a story for another day.” She peered back out the open door and gave a soft sigh. “My time is nearing, I will need to abandon this timeline now, and I will follow you to the next.”

“What?” 

She smiled and patted his head soothingly. “Worry not, the people here are not abandoned, I have left contingency plans in every one I have left. The next one must succeed, G’raha Tia, or else there will be no more.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” The task had been daunting enough, but to know this might be the last time he could ever try? The weight of responsibility was crushing. If he failed here, would it mean the end to those he had left behind? “She may not even know me in this one, how can I get her to trust me?”

“The only certainty I can give is that you will know what to do, even bereft of the memories of this meeting.” A gentle warmth began to spread through him and he felt as though he was slowly drifting off to sleep. “I’m sorry, I cannot risk Hades knowing that I have a hand in this. You will have a very long century ahead of you sweet boy, in which you will fight with everything you have.” A pause as he slumped to the ground, eyes struggling to remain open. “You will believe you passed out during the spell but it will be successful and you will be on the First where you will gather the survivors. Do not give up, no matter how terrible it seems.”

When he woke he hissed as pervasive light struck his eyes from the open door of the Tower. He had the feeling he was forgetting something but he couldn’t remember what as he stood, stumbling towards the foreign world outside of the Tower. He shaded his eyes as he gazed outwards, marvelling at the strange scene before him.

“Purple trees aren't what I expected.” He chuckled, laying a hand against the Tower. “Thank you, we made it.” There was a gathering crowd of people outside the Tower who stared at him and it in apprehension. “Hello! I’ve come from far away, can anyone tell me what has happened?”

And so began his journey as what the people came to call the Crystal Exarch. A long, lonely journey of a hundred years in which he and the Tower fought to survive in the barren aether of this Reflection. He met friends and companions over the years, withdrawing further and further into himself as he bound his body and soul closer to the Tower.

Until finally, it was almost time, the two worlds slowly coming together to match once more, when the conditions were right for the Reflection to rejoin… or heal.

And he intended to heal it.

[torturedog]

just some thoughts and ruminations about life and stuff by your friend torturedog. I mention past sexual assault but this is more me unpacking general mental issues than anything remotely erotic. Unless, of course, you're able to interpret it erotically, in which case, please do as you like. Take whatever you want. I'd serve you all my insides on a platter if I could.

Being the way I am, I don't think I'm capable of having a connection with anyone that could be healthy. I've never interacted with anyone who is like me—in that a huge part of me is deeply imbued with, ya know, everything you see here. Not only that, but the thought of aftercare, etc, that side of things, is deeply, truly, viscerally repulsive to me. Giving or receiving. Anything. I either want to be comprehended as less than human, or comprehend someone else as less than human. Take everything or have everything taken from me. I'm aware that ethically this should never be put into practice. I should mention I've only ever experienced consensual vanilla sex and nonconsensual sex. I've never done anything kinky unless you wanna include light slapping, or a pair of handcuffs. So this is all essentially just in my mind, marinating over years. I don't remember huge periods of my childhood/teen years. I do remember some instances of being raped, waking up covered in blood, etc. when I am in relationships I have this underlying disgust for my partners, I don't know why exactly it is, but it's like I detest the relationship because I know I can't be a real person like they might be. I am deeply attracted to ostensibly terrible people, but of course these people are not relationship types—by the very natures of these types, a mutual attraction and a relationship are mutually exclusive within the dynamic.

I've felt this way my whole life. I can't remember when I didn't know what masturbation or sex was. I was always hypersexual even as a little kid. I always gravitated to what I later understood to be bdsm dynamics. I don't know how I would know most of the stuff I knew in, say, kindergarten, without an outside influence. Then again, maybe it's all coincidence.

I suppose it's mildly frustrating to witness "real" people go about their lives, engaging in normal relationships, having normal sex lives. At the same time, I've stopped wishing I was different. I realise now that I cannot anticipate any sort of "reformation" of my sexuality. More than anything, the steep slope only reveals itself to be steeper with more life experience gained. I'd hesitate to call it a descent, as this has been me since forever, but I do love a spatial metaphor.

This is not something I could see myself talking with anyone about, even a therapist. What would be the point? What is there to say to someone like me, who only wishes to experience and perpetuate pain? Not that I ever would do the things described on torturedog dot com, as I don't really have any interest in engaging in healthy kink dynamics. I'm still trying to figure out why this is, besides my brain on ptsd (it's being fried on high in perpetuity, sizzled over easy, probably, add garnish as desired).

It's all just the mortifying ordeal of being known, who knows. I'm kinda just addicted to retraumatising myself until I cum.

This account is really the first instance of me ever admitting to what I am. Some kind of psychological invert, or maybe God's most special and favourite martyr. Was anyone else turned on at the story of Abraham and Isaac?

I'll wrap it up here because I could go on, and on, and on. Maybe the real torture was all the godawful introspection we did along the way.

[ailendolin]

Of Lokis and Loneliness

I'd like to take a moment to talk about the recurring theme of loneliness in the Loki series (yes, this will be about The Hug).

Loki's journey so far has been about finding himself. Over the course of the series all his delusions of grandeur get stripped away from him, and both Mobius and Sylvie play a huge part in that. As I've mentioned in my meta post for episode 4, I think Loki and Sylvie's Nexus Event was not about romantic love but about self-acceptance - about seeing yourself through someone else's eyes and realizing that you're not as awful as you think you are and deserve love just as much as everyone else.

Sylvie is the key to this realization, but Mobius is the embodiment of it. He's the one who told Loki that he doesn't see him as a villain. He's the one who listened to what Loki had to say, who stuck his neck out for him and believed in him. He became Loki's friend.

Or, as Sylvie puts it: he cares about Loki.

Loki's reaction to Sylvie's observation here is very interesting. He doesn't deny it. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all and then awkwardly changes the subject - because this is new to him. He told Sylvie as much in episode 4, and Sylvie echoes that when she talks about her own loneliness.

Sylvie never had anyone in her life since the TVA took her, and neither she nor Loki know how to deal with that constant feeling of loneliness and having no place in the world. They keep telling themselves it doesn't matter, that they don't need anyone, that other things are more important, but the truth is: they are both hurting and so very tired of being alone.

Just like Future Loki was when he put an end to his long years of self-imposed exile and isolation.

They've all come to the same realization: that Lokis might be able to survive on their own but that surviving isn't worth much if you don't live. A life is more than a throne or an empty planet. It's made up of people you love and who love you in return, and the happiness that can be found in being known and loved.

And our Loki is ready to accept that. Instead of pushing his loved ones away like he's always done before, he starts actively trying to hold onto them. It's why he's asking both Sylvie and Mobius what they will do when it's all over. He wants to keep them in his life.

Him telling Sylvie that they could figure it out together is his way of saying, "I don't want us to be alone anymore. Please stay." While Sylvie's not quite ready to believe him yet, you can tell that she wants to. She wants to so very badly.

Which brings us to The Hug. You can see the exact moment when Loki realizes that this may be the last time he'll ever get to talk to Mobius. There's a very real possibility that they may never see each other again, and in that moment a handshake is just not enough. He's already lost Mobius once without a chance to say goodbye. He's not going to let that happen again.

So for perhaps the first time in his life, Loki actually reaches for what he truly wants. The little shake of his head before he goes in for the hug is almost painful to watch because you can see that he actually expects this to be the last moment he will ever get to share with the first real friend he's ever had. He's already grieving and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

Love is a dagger and it's already deep within his heart, twisting and turning. But love is also gratitude, and sometimes it is letting someone go even if that means you will be alone again.

Some people are worth that pain.

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 8 of ?)

gif by @thesoldiersminute can i send you a cake or something cause fuCk!!!!!!!!!!! he's beautiful

a/n: to everyone still reading this fic, my sweet angels, ily!! this fic is so near and dear to my heart and @stxdyblr-2k has just done such an amazing job with it i can't even thank her enough. as per the last part, this one is also mostly her, just me editing but i hope you guys love it as much as i did!!! don't worry, there's gonna be a lot more :) and i apologize for being not as active, i'm gonna try to get a couple of requests up that i'm really excited about this week tysm for being patient with me <3

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five six seven | my masterlist

prompt: ada has some talking to do, and you're not about to deny her.

warnings: fluff, semi-angst, tommy being the cocky mf he is (let's be real, it's only acceptable cause he's so damn fine), john being cute and in love and jesus i am head over heels

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03, @operation-spot

You had planned to go to Ada's after work, but she obviously had other ideas. She didn't even bother walking in and asking to speak to you; instead, choosing to bang on the window closest to your desk and yelling at you to "fucking hurry up!" Your boss opened the door for you expectantly, not offering you any protection; he was firmly in the Shelby's ever growing pocket and as long as he could go home to his children, his sickly wife and their six bed in the country, with a full time nurse and nanny, he had no interest in crossing Thomas.

"Ada, I was coming to see you after work, I swear."

"I know. I was going to let you but..." She trailed off. "We need to talk. I don't know what the fuck is going on with you. John said he'd seen you last night and you asked after me."

John had indeed seen you last night. It was strange waking up with him, used to leaving almost immediately after he was finished with you. Your small bed could barely comfortably fit you both, having to intertwine your limbs with John's to not fall off the edge. You had awoken to John pressing a kiss to your forehead before lazily trailing his fingers between your legs, waiting for you to open your eyes before settling between your thighs, tongue swirling around your clit, making you cum before sunrise.

"Do we have to do this in the street?" You practically begged, the shouting having attracted onlookers.

"I wanted to talk to you before anyone else in the family gets to you because I need you to be honest."

"Ada-"

"No, I'm doing you a favour here, so you fucking listen. Right now, between you and I, no bullshit. No tactics. No white lies. You have to tell me exactly what we're dealing with." She looked frantic, scared for some reason.

You nodded, walking her down the side street, careful not to link arms with her. You knew she was doing you a favour; this wasn't about forgiveness or friendship, much more was at stake here.

"To what extent was Thomas involved?"

That took you off guard. Ada read the confusion on your face and sighed impatiently, her subtle plea for you to keep up.

Shit. You remembered your conversation with John, how she thought this was her brother's way of pushing her out of the company.

"Don't spare my feelings. What did my brother say to you?"

"He said it was in our mutual interest that you didn't find out. He didn't care who John slept with but cared who you trusted so I had to trust him. He said there was no point in upsetting you over one of John's conquests who he'd tire of in a month."

"That all?"

"Pretty much, I didn't know Arthur knew. He never talked to me about it, did laugh at Thomas' digs now that I think on it-"

"Did you know Isaiah and Michael knew?"

"I thought they were aware but no one ever talked to me about it."

"Of course they wouldn't." She hissed, frustration causing a nerve on her neck to jump.

Ada and you had spoken for years about the rampant misogyny of her brothers and any men you two came into contact with. Although you were both far more reserved than you used to be as rebellious and adventurous thirteen year olds, you'd both grew increasingly angry at how you were treated. She'd long written off her brothers as womanisers, who saw women as purely sexual and entertaining, objectifying them. You both long despised how they dehumanised women. She was amazed that Thomas had attempted to settle down and managed a somewhat loving marriage, but resented him for his carelessness and need for power which inevitably killed his wife.

"Ada, I just want to say..." You licked your lip nervously, unsure of how to continue.

"You need to talk, Y/N. No bollocks."

"Before last night, he'd never been to mine or called. I always went to him."

The muscle in her jaw tensed.

"You slept with him last night then?" You met her question with silence and she rolled her eyes. "The second he said he saw you I knew you had, he wanted to tell me that he was going to continue seeing you and that he hoped I'd be able to accept it one day."

"We never intended to hurt you. It was meant to be fun at first, but now..." You cut yourself off with a sigh, unable to admit you'd fallen for her brother.

"Isn't fun for me. It's fucking embarrassing." She paused, lighting a cigarette, nervous to offer you one, conflicted within herself. She raised her eyebrow, prompting you to continue, the mannerism so similar to her brother’s.

"It should never have happened. I am never going to be able to fix this, I'm so fucking ashamed for doing this to you, Ada."

She sulked, silently drinking in your words.

"Obviously it's not going to be the same, yeah? I'm really fucking upset. I'm so fucked off with you but Poll's really worried about a coup. She thinks you're being used as blackmail against John to keep him on side with Tommy while he expands."

"Makes sense."

"You're part of a much bigger game, you know?"

You nodded. "Yeah, and I knew I would lose from the start. Fucking tragic, Ada."

"My brothers keep pushing, keep growing the business. They keep chasing this prize but I don't think it even exists."

"If it does, it isn't worth it if this shit is the cost. I didn't mean to play into his hands."

"You couldn't have known." She said with a shrug, " 'Siah thinks John loves you."

"He told me last night." Several times, this morning also. You would never tire of hearing him moan those words into your neck or being yelled from your front door as he left for the office.

"You love him, don't you?" She said bluntly, a statement more than a question, your face suddenly hot with embarrassment.

Everything you'd suppressed for months, everything that you'd hidden, every time you lied smiling, every knowing glance from a stranger, every degrading comment from under Thomas' breath.

"I do, an awful lot."

She pauses, relighting her cigarette, "The worst thing about the entire situation is it could've been fine if someone told me. I wouldn't have loved it, obviously, but-" Ada sighed, rubbing her temple with her free fingers.

"I thought you'd hate me."

"How could I? I'd be more angry that you'd drop your standards for my brother. Seriously? Him? Mate…."

"Come off it, I've always thought he was charming. He's funny, smart-"

"Don't gush over my brother, it's grim. I'm just so fucked off you all lied to me." She peered at you through her cigarette smoke. "If you love him and he loves you..." she pressed her lips together as she tensed her jaw, "I could get over it. If it'd make you both happy. But that's going to take a long time. A long time."

"Ada-"

"Look I have meetings and shit to sort, I have to run." She interjected, checking her wristwatch, adjusting the cap which sat atop her trendy short haircut. You caught her arm before she could turn away.

"Thank you. For understanding."

She shrugged you off, "I don't get it, I'd never do that to you. But you also don't get to choose who you're attracted to. I'm really hurt, but I do love you and John a lot. He mentioned that after last night you helped him, got him cleaned up. I have to believe that you both do love each other. So I have to believe that this is a good idea for you both and not stand in your way."

"I love you, Ada. Can we hang out soon, just us two?"

She shook her head. "I need some time, I'll be in touch, yeah?"

You nod, stretching out your pinky finger. She sighed and linked it with hers, as you'd done since you were children, a silent signal to each other after a fight that you still had the other's back.

"Right, I've got to get back to this meeting, Tom is getting done by Polly for nearly getting John killed. I need to be there in case one of the lads needs patching up."

"Your aunt has a nasty left hook, I'll give her that."

"She'll be pleased you think so, she wanted Tommy to slice you to bits for crossing me."

"Fuck’s sake, thanks for the warning, I'll keep my head down. Good luck with the meeting."

Ada nodded and you watched her walk away, a Blinder suddenly appearing by her side seemingly from nowhere. This city was crawling with them. They clambered into Ada's car as you watched the car disappear into the distance before walking back to work. Thankfully, with your head still attached to your shoulders.

*******

Ada arrived at Thomas' estate, following the swell of shouting voices to his exquisite library. It was eye roll worthy and typical Tommy to choose the location of his post-fuckup debrief to be where he had the best view of the gardens, river and rolling hills. She could bet he'd sit in a corner and stare at the view, zoning out their aunt's lecture.

An armed blinder she vaguely recognised opened the door. Thomas was making a statement today with the armed guards, she noted. Her brothers really were fucked up. Arthur was an alcoholic killer who couldn't understand that Thomas would betray them all eventually, Finn was letting the tokyo and the razor chasers that circled him distract him from keeping the family together, John was apparently in love with her best friend, and finally, Thomas nearly got Arthur and John murdered last night with his foolishness. At this point only herself and Polly were holding everyone together, keeping everything silently moving along.

The door opened, and she was the last to arrive, Polly glaring as she murmured an apology, standing next to Finn. His eyes were bloodshot, grey-purple smudges under his eyes, he'd obviously had a heavy night. The last thing the poor lad needed was Polly's shrill yelling and the blinding sun streaming through the large immaculately crafted windows, which he'd tried to block with the brim of his cap. John caught her eye, acknowledging his sister with a nod, which she returned with a small tight smile.

Ada couldn't bear to think about the reasoning behind her brother's smug interjections in between Polly's rant to Thomas who was listening wordlessly, smoking.

Y/N and John? It didn't make sense. They had a similar sense of humour, sure, but she was far too intelligent for him. He also had a swarm of children, while Y/N preferred a wild night out only staggering home at daybreak.

It made far more sense for Y/N to end up with Michael, or if it had to be a brother, Finn. They were younger, so had less responsibilities and commitments so they could keep up with her. But John? Of course she knew he was believed to be the Casanova of her brothers, he was kind, he was an excellent father, yet he could never keep anyone around long, usually John was chasing someone new after a month or so. That's why the revelation that John had been involved with her best friend for almost half a year had taken her completely by surprise. Maybe that was why she was open to them being together. That had to be it. This relationship was completely out of character for John; she needed to believe that he was serious about his feelings towards Y/N and wasn't going to fuck her over. Because if he did, John would be a dead man.

"I don't know why you're all bleating at me. Yeah, I overlooked some details in the planning of last night's meeting-"

"Such as warning us that they were really fucked off because you'd helped bomb their warehouse." John pointed out.

"What do you want me to do? Apologise? Grow up, John." Tommy snapped back.

"They had loaded guns against their heads, they deserve an apology." Ada interjected, John giving her an appreciative flash of smile. She did love her big brother. Despite the fact that she'd pretty much only been yelling at him for the past month, John never dismissed her feelings and only apologised. It was confusing to admit to herself, but when Isaiah told her that he was confident John loved Y/N, she felt a wave of relief. At least he cared about her; it was the bare minimum but the Shelbys were notorious for not even meeting the bare minimum for acceptable social interactions.

"They didn't fuckin’ get shot." Thomas stated, his voice matter of fact and condescending.

"Do you ever hear yourself speak?" Polly spit back at him. "They didn't get shot this time. But it was too fucking close."

"It won't happen again, Polly." Tommy sighed. "What else can I say? Sorry lads, take the weekend off?"

"It's a good start." Arthur countered, "You're also paying for the extension on my house and my wedding."

"Fuck’s sake Arthur I was joking. But fine. Sure."

"You can't buy your family off." Polly scoffed at him.

"Think of it as compensation, a settlement." Thomas coolly corrected his aunt. "What do you want, John? A fucking farm?"

John hesitates while Finn whispered suggestions to him, Ada meeting his stare, John raising a brow to her in question. She sighed and nodded her approval.

"You can pay off my mortgage Tom, give me the kids' birthdays off-"

"So you'd never come into work then?" Finn cut in, Ada elbowing him in the ribs. She usually enjoyed Finn's remarks but she knew where John was heading; she could barely breathe.

"Tom, you're also to leave Y/N completely alone. If you have a problem with her, you come to me about it." He said firmly.

Arthur and Tommy traded knowing looks, obviously more aware of the ins and outs of his relationship than Ada was.

"Also if you're paying for Arthur's wedding I want the equivalent in cash." He adds.

Tommy shrugged. "Whatever. As long as we can move past last night and focus on today's order of business."

John nodded, satisfied. He knew Tom wouldn't care, but just saying out loud that he was involved with Y/N and having his family aware was a relief. He hadn't realised until he finally admitted how stressful keeping his relationship a secret was. Now, he could stop worrying about Tommy interfering.

Polly rolled her eyes, lecturing the brothers on their lack of moral backbone to allow themselves to be bought off, but dismissed them. She caught Ada's arm in hers on their way out, pulling her far from earshot.

"So Y/N and John are together now?" She asked, her face firm and scowling.

"Polls, I talked with her, she's aware of what she's done. She apologised and meant it. What more can I ask for?"

"Her not to have fucked him in the first place."

"She said that. Look, Polls, they're happy right? John seems happy-"

"He always is when he gets a leg over."

"You know she looked after him last night? Fixed him up after the meeting."

"Meeting? It was a fucking set up." Polly hissed but her face had softened. "She cleaned him up?"

"Antiseptic, bandages and all."

Polly looked subtly impressed, although she'd never admit it. "He went to hers? Not yours?"

"He wanted to talk to her." Ada shrugs, "I saw her this morning and-"

"What do you mean? You bumped into her?"

"I went to her work." Ada admitted, her aunt shooting her an exasperated glare.

"Why do I bother? Nobody listens to me."

"I had to talk to her, I'm glad I did. She reckons she loves him, he told her last night that he loves her, so..."

"We are talking about John? Our John?"

"I know Polls, I'm as amazed as you."

Her aunt huffed, unimpressed. "Are you okay with it though?"

"I guess, I just want them to be happy. I've told them to give me time with it."

"She was a good friend growing up, but people change, sometimes for the better, often for the worse."

"Poll, it's Y/N; she's my best friend. At the end of the day, we'd do anything for each other."

"Sweet Ada, you're going to be so miserable if you keep letting people walk all over you." Polly said wisely, kissing her goodbye affectionately. "I hope you're right. If she makes you cry again I'll kill her myself."

"Thanks, Polls."

She knew her aunt wasn't joking.

[pedropascalunofficial]

Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

[min-chery]

Whiskey and smoke | KTH & PJM

Pairing: Taehyung / Named OC / Jimin

Rating: 16+

Warnings: Bartender Taehyung!au / Rich Jimin!au / vague mentions of sexual assault / drinking / smoking / Written in OC's POV

Summary: She has been bound to follow orders all through her life. Living a life of restraint, Taehyung had become her only source of relief. And one day, he and a very handsome stranger from the bar take a decision that rocks her damned world.

Word count: 2.9k

I swirl the amber liquid in the glass. Pegs after pegs of whiskey already In my system. It does me more good than harm. Has been doing it for the past 4 years.

It has become my companion over the years. I don't lose myself it. Never will. I find myself when have it by my side. I find the confidence I crave for. The world becomes brighter than it ever possibly could.

The bartender keeps a close eye on me, his lips forming a pout. He's sometimes the only one who cares about me. And I'll gladly indulge myself knowing I'm not unwanted.

"I'm alright Tae. It's not my first time drinking." I wave him off.

"That's why I'm worried, noona. Another family gathering?" He inquires.

"Hmm. And a few important clients from his company."

"You should tell them this isn't the life you want, Val. You're drinking yourself to death at this rate."

"It's not that easy." I sigh.

"It is that easy. You've never tried to know that." He whispers harshly.

"Don't act as if you care." I sneer. He talks as if it's that easy to confront them. Them. My manipulative parents.

"I do care, okay! You think I asked you out thrice because I don't care? All you've done those times was throw the same shitty excuse at my face. You won't understand how much I care, Valeria. You're too drunk to even try and understand how hard I'm trying to see you as just a bestfriend when we know we both are not just that." He looks disappointed in me for the first time and it breaks my heart. I look straight into his eyes without letting myself waver and he stares with the same intensity. He finally gives up, slamming the shaker on the counter before heading to the other side of the bar.

To hear him call me by name and not 'noona' or 'Val' makes me almost tear up. I sniffle, pulling my hair towards my face. The world blurs and the scenes from my first time meeting him take over.

It was in high school I first saw him. My bestfriend introduced me to this club. Back then this building had been used as a hangout spot for people interested in motorsports. Jungkook and I sneaked out from school on multiple occasions to meet with the people here. It was everything I had ever wished for. I had nothing to hide about among those people. Didn't have to pretend who I was. There was always free alcohol here. And the first time Jungkook brought me here, a guy had draped his arm over my bestfriend's shoulder and said "Who have you brought here with you, Jungkookie?"

He had smiled so wide at me, I wondered for a second if I was in heaven. How could someone have been so beautiful and been a human?

Jungkook had introduced us to each other and left us alone to get along. And we did. We got along so well and so fast, we were surprised. He talked my ear off about a girl he loved. Narrated so many stories about their happy life together. They sounded so happy and in love, that it struck me like a flash of lightning when he said she cheated on him multiple times. His eyes that had been scrunched up in a smile all afternoon and had suddenly taken a glossy sheen to them.

It had been the first time I had seen a man cry. I remember wondering if I could ever soothe him. If I could see him smile once again that day. But he recovered pretty quick. He had found something else to hold onto and love. Motor racing.

The sound of a throat clearing rings beside me and I lift up my face to look at the person. A man about my age peers at me from above his glass of scotch. There's a slight hint of a smile on his lips as if he's watched the previous conversation with Tae and finds our little fight amusing.

I sniffle and glare at him, which only makes him smile more openly. He sets down the glass on the counter and wipes the liquid off his plump lips with the back of his palm.

"Don't worry about him. He'll come around soon." He says, voice gentle and laced with a teasing smile.

"And I don't need a stranger telling me that about my bestfriend." I snicker. It makes a foul emotion crawl through my skin. To see an outsider talk about Tae, my Tae, as if he knows him better than I do.

"My my I should've probably introduced myself first. I'm Park Jimin. Taehyung's roommate." The smirk that's settled on the man's lips is so frustrating, it makes me want to punch him square in the nose.

"Do you smoke?" He asks. For once it feels like he's not mocking me. I nod, placing my hand in his when he extends it.

It's then I realize that I'm following a man that I've met for the first time outside. Beneath the arrogance, he seems like a gentleman by the way he's curled his fingers around mine. A fragility in the way he handles me.

We walk a few blocks away from the club. Music from the place we just left still faintly following us. Jimin then sits on the clean sidewalk, looking at me to sit down too. And I do. Sitting so close to him, I take to opportunity to really absorb his features into my brain. 'He's beautiful' is the conclusion my mind comes to.

He holds out a cigarette, waiting for me to put it between my lips. I part my lips open for him to do so. He gulps before doing so and then proceeds to take out his lighter. The orange light the flame produces shines on his face making him look handsome in a different way.

His eyes lift up from the cancer stick in my mouth to my eyes and fall back on my lips. He's quickly moving away from me as if he's scared of the effect I would have on him.

I take in puffs of the smoke, let it fill my lungs with the toxins. I still don't understand why it relieves me, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't. It's just as good of a friend of mine as is the alcohol.

"So you're the one who's been hooking up with Tae for so long." He says, pushing away the silence that had engulfed us. I nod, letting out the smoke I'd held in my mouth.

"I've known Tae my whole life. And I've seen him cry only a handful of times. The first time was back in high school. When he cut his ex-girlfriend out of his life. For good." He grits out the final part, eyes unfocused as he recollects his memories.

"And then a couple of years later. When you told him about your family. He didn't tell me anything other than how he thinks they're the shittiest people in your life. Didn't go into much detail about it. Just cried in my arms all night until he fell asleep." He's now looking at me with a soft look in his eyes.

"He told me he loved you that night. I always teased him about this Valeria who had his heart. Still has it. The last time I saw him cry was when you rejected him. The first time." I remember that day, I considered it the worst moment of my life. And Jimin wasn't the only one that saw him cry that day.

I woefully smile, feeling a lump in my throat grow bigger. Taking another long drag of the cigarette, I flick it onto the road. It doesn't fall far from me though. Jimin is stretching towards it and tossing it into a waste bin close by without lifting his ass up. He's smirking once again, winking at me. I laugh at his attempt to impress me with his aiming skills.

"They are shitty people. My family. I'm only something they use for their publicity stunts. Attending their business parties, walking around in rich gowns for the men to see. They never for once asked me what I wanted. All they've done is throw things at me and demand at me to be what they wanted me to be." I laugh, but it's anything but with happiness.

"I've abandoned my dreams to be a living doll for those people. I've had strangers my father's age run their filthy hands over my body. And he watched, that man. Watched his friends make his daughter feel like dirt. Can still feel the fingers of the guy my dad wants me to marry on my bare back from just hours ago." My voice cracks, tears no longer being able to be held within the confines of the waterline. As they tumble down my cold cheeks, I wrap my arms around myself. Feeling naked in my backless dress.

Jimin rustles beside me, shrugging his blazer down his shoulders and wraps it over me. He giving me an apologetic look which I wave off. I'm too tired to deal with the problems in my life.

"Why won't you agree to be Tae's girlfriend when you love him? The guy your dad chose is obviously a pathetic excuse of a man."

"I'm not the kind who stand up for themselves. I kept telling him that I'll never be able to turn down my father's order if he asks me to marry a rich businessman. I'd have to cut Taehyung out of my life and I can't do that to him. He deserves someone way better than that." I sniffle, wiping my face free of the moisture. Jimin's letting my words sink in, thinking of a response.

"Look, I've not had a great family either. Left them behind when I was really young. I let them know how forcing their decisions on me was not worth losing me. So, I understand how you must feel. But it's always nice to have someone fight for you, fight the whole world with you. And with Taehyung in your life, I don't know if there is anyone who'll be as careful with your heart as he is."

"Stop trying to set me up with him." I laugh.

"Just saying." He replies, his eyes closed into crescents as he joins in my laughter.

"Got another cigarette?" I ask as I move in closer to him. He worriedly looks at me and then nods. Once again lighting it up, he places it between my lips.

I take in a long drag and hold the smoke in my mouth. I watch Jimin gulp as I move in even closer to him. I blow it to his face, his eyes growing hooded as he looks at me through the toxic air. I pass the stick to him, asking him to do the same. He follows along, hollowing out his cheeks and blowing it to my face.

It makes my core thrum from the intensity of the scene. A hand with the number '13' tatted on the wrist holding a cigarette and the puff of smoke encasing the two of us. We've come incredibly close to each other, faces just centimeters away. He's slowly leaning in, eyes locked on my lips as mine on his. Our noses brush, a spark going straight to my brain.

I shift my head to the side, eyeing his soft ears. I lift up a finger to gently tug at the earring, toying with it as I breathe in his cologne. The soft flesh of his earlobe tend me irresistible and pull me in to press a kiss there.

Jimin's arms have wound themselves around me, his nose buried in my hair as I kiss his ear. Somehow, my mind has deemed him a safe place. Him being Taehyung's roommate playing a large role in my trust in the man I've met for the first time today.

"Val! Jimin-ah! Is that you two?!" Taehyung calls out, rushing towards us. I jump up from the sidewalk, walking towards him with Jimin trailing behind. As Taehyung nears us, he opens his arms. My eyes blur with unfallen tears and I smash into his chest.

He wraps himself around me, forming a protective embrace. I fist his black shirt at his chest, cuddling and making myself smaller in his arms. His hands run through the length of my hair, his cheek smushed at the top of my head. He's my warmth on a cold night and without him, I'd fall into a pit of eternal winter.

"I'm sorry, Val." He says, not letting go of me and I'm glad he didn't. I wasn't ready to leave his embrace yet.

"You had a tough time and came to the club for some relief and me being a dumbass lectured you." He says against my hair.

"Don't call yourself a dumbass." I pout, weakly hitting at his chest. His laughter fills my ears, along with Jimin's quiet chuckle. I look up at Jimin from where I'm buried in Tae's torso. He looking at us with newfound adoration.

"I'm sorry though." He mumbles.

" 's okay."

I'm being moved away from Taehyung's chest after a minute, but still held towards him by my waist. Taehyung looks at Jimin, a quiet conversation between them. And Jimin walks closer to the two of us, his hands going around Taehyung's shoulder.

"Hi baby." Jimin coos, making a faint red dust across Taehyung's cheeks. Jimin then places a kiss on his lips, a quick peck before they're both looking at me.

"I've been wanting to tell you something noona." Taehyung starts, his hands tightening around me.

"I and Jiminie have been roommates since high school. And we've decided to move to The States."

It hits me like a flash of lightning when he says so. He's moving away. Far away from me. And somehow it invokes a deep fear in me. Jungkook also moved to the US after college. I feel dizzy realizing I'd be left alone in the hands of my family. And I'd rather die than let that happen.

"Tae..." I whisper, the tears running down my cheeks almost instantly. His eyebrows pinch in worry, hands holding my face. His thumb brushes my cheekbones, catching the tears as they fall.

"I found an amazing photography program at one of the colleges and it fit right in my budget. I won't even have to get a student loan for it. It was our dream remember? Me taking photography while you took business courses." I nod. I remember talking about it right after we hooked up for the first time. I had laid on his chest, his arms holding me as close to him as possible.

"We're both being stagnant in our lives, Val. How long do you think we can keep hooking up? You're going to leave me behind the second you get engaged to a stranger." His eyes are filling up in pain.

"I'm coming with you, Tae. I'll suffocate here without you. Don't leave me, Tae. Don't leave me." I'm sobbing hard in his arms, clutching hard at his waist as if it would stop him from going away.

Jimin moves in, taking both me and Tae into his arms. He places a gentle kiss on both of our foreheads.

"We'll take you with us if you want, moonlet. You've got a week to yourself before we move. You can take some time and think about this decision, alright? We need you to be sure you want to come with us." he speaks benignly.

"I don't need more time. I want to come with you." I say with determination.

"That's good, Val. Jiminie will take good care of us. He's got a huge apartment in New York. Got a shit ton of money. He's really kind too. And god the things his dick makes you feel." Taehyung groans, throwing his head back and then breaking into laughter. Jimin and I join in, basking in the warmth his smile provides. We both love this adorable boy with a boxy smile and I'm sure it is seen in our eyes.

"You're making me sound like a sugar daddy, you idiot." Jimin says, hitting him softly at the back of his head.

"It is true though." Tae laughs. "Looks like lover boy's starting to feel things for you, noona."

Jimin blushes, trying to stand tall and not shying from our collective gaze. In the end, he gives up, stuffing his face in the crook Taehyung's neck.

"He doesn't have a problem with polyamory too. He's the full package, this guy." he smiles, ruffling Jimin's hair.

We don't stay there for long after our conversation. We head to Jimin and Taehyung's apartment and I stay the night. We all spend time getting to know each other better. Me and Jimin bond very fast, learning we're both similar in a lot of ways. I and Tae let Jimin in on our stories from years ago. I and Jimin even kiss for the first time that night, leaving us warm and blushing.

As the night progresses and we lay in each other's arms on the living room floor, I realize I'm being given another chance at life. Maybe running away from the people who birthed you isn't the best way to start your life again. But it feels good. To finally leave behind the toxicity. In a week's time, I'll be free. And I intend on making the most out of my life after.

[likefacesaretohearts]

Close in Quarantine

Category - friends to lovers trope

Warnings - smut, unprotected sex

Word count: 1486

Hi y'all! This is my first fic on this page so I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. I want this to be a place to have fun and where WOC can see themselves reflected in fics. Much love!

Chris was saying the usual goodbyes and thank yous that occur at the end of an interview. Because everything was being done over Zoom and the video lagged even with the best of WiFi, there was the awkward overlapping of him and the interviewer talking at the same time. Once he was in the clear and was sure the call was off, he let out a big sigh and closed his laptop.

"I swear they ask the same questions every press run I do,” he said.

You emerge from the kitchen with a cold beer in hand, finally able to go into the living room. Chris didn't want you wandering around in the background while he was on the Zoom call because he knew that if anyone caught a glimpse of you, social media and the gossip blogs would be alight with rumors of Chris Evans and His Mysterious New Flame. In reality, you weren't together. Neither of you were really sure what you were, but there was certainly an ember of attraction there that had been building since you started quarantining together.

“Why don't you let me ask you the questions then,” you tease as you plop down on the couch near him.

“I have to polish up my singing voice, maybe work on my choreography first, huh?” he said.

You were a music journalist, so you spent your work days talking to rockstars and the most polished pop stars about their lives and music then cranking out long form articles for their fans and haters alike to read. Chris came over and sat next to you on the couch with his arm resting on the back of the couch behind you. Being this close to him made you nervous but you didn't mind...it was a bit of a rush. He’d started singing a song purposefully off key, taking the beer from your hand and using it as a microphone.

“You are no Mariah Carey, sir,” you said, trying not to give him the satisfaction of cracking a smile..

He knocked back some sips of your beer and you try to grab it from him to no avail. He playfully moves the bottle around and holds it in the air, using his tall stature as an advantage.

“We’ve been quarantined together for three weeks, your germs are my germs at this point,” he said.

“Bull shit that is not how that works,” you said laughing.

You finally get a hold of his hand with the beer in it, but suddenly the vibe changes. Chris, with his scruffy quarantine beard and slightly grown out hair, had grabbed hold of you and pulled you into him in a bear hug in one swift movement. Over the past few weeks living together during the pandemic, you’d gotten to know each other much better than you had when the world was “normal.” You'd seen each other first thing in the morning and gotten used to speaking freely with each other without fear of sounding weird, as it turned out you both were. You had been a friend of Scott's for a few months, and met Chris through him while he was filming a movie in L.A. After meeting him during a night of drinking at Scott’s place, you hit it off but were only casual friends...until the rona hit.

One night in the beginning of it all, you were lonely in your apartment when Scott convinced you it'd be a good idea to quarantine with his sexy ass brother that you hardly knew.

“Y/N, it's the perfect idea! You're both single and I'm in Massachusetts with our family,” Scott said. “There's no reason you should drive yourselves crazy quarantining alone when you could just live together —just until all this is over.”

Your family was miles away in Texas and your L.A. friends had their own thing going on, so you took him up on the offer, totally skipping the steps of even establishing that you like each other to living together during a global pandemic. The first day was a bit awkward as it was natural to be — you were in someone who was two steps up from a stranger’s home and self conscious because, again, he was fine as hell – but that night the two of you sat on his living room floor and bonded.

“If we tell each other our darkest and most embarrassing parts of our lives, the awkwardness is gone,” Chris had said. So you spent 5 hours talking about the deepest hurts and the greatest joys of your lives. From then on, it felt like you had known each other for years. You even got close with Dodger, who at first wanted nothing to do with you or your cat that you’d brought with you, Mocha.

You relaxed into Chris’ arms, letting your desire to be close to him take precedence over the practical side of you that didn't want to potentially ruin the dynamic you'd built. Chris, almost as if it was instinctual, kissed the top of your head and held you as if he had done it a hundred times before.

Fuck the dynamic.

You turned around to face him, mustering every ounce of bravery you've ever had. Almost instantly, he leaned in, as if he'd been waiting on you to turn around this whole time. His beard bristled against your face as your lips crashed against each other's, finally finding their way to one another after weeks of just friendly banter. You were on top of him now, your hands grazing over his mid length hair while his traveled down to your ass.

“I've been wanting to touch you for weeks,” he said between kisses.

“Then why did I have to make the first move?” you said, a wry smile on your face.

A devious grin spread across Chris’ face as he flipped you over on the couch so that he was on top. He left wet kisses on your neck and after lifting your shirt over your head, moved to the parts of your chest left exposed from your bra and down to your stomach. Your hips bucked with an arch forming in your back, relishing in the fact that Evans’ hands and lips were all over your body.

The two of you in all your feverish affection managed to roll off of the couch and fall onto the carpet, somehow knocking down the half full beer off the coffee table in the process.

You were straddling Chris on the ground, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you, to feel his bare skin on yours. You noticed the beer spilled on the floor.

“Shit.”

“It's okay, babe, leave it,” Chris said, his voice gruff and husky.

He picked you up and carried you to his bedroom, a place you'd never seen. His room was pristinely clean, for a man at least — very little was out of place. He laid you on the bed with a sense of determination, whispering in your ear as he got on top of you, his shirt half off, “I'm gonna show you how bad I've been wanting this.” His Boston accent had come out in full force...you'd only heard it like this after you'd both been drinking and your own Texas twang snuck out.

“I dare you,” you replied.

Everything seemed to move at lightning speed after that. It was like there was electricity within the touch of his fingers. In a whirlwind he took off your clothes and his own and before you knew it you could feel his dick brush against you, hesitating before he entered you.

“It's ok, I trust you. I want you,” you said at a near whisper, stroking his hair.

At first it was slow, the strokes were uncertain until he got accustomed to you and started a sensual rhythm. He eased himself deeper into you, causing you to throw your head back, letting yourself meld into him. His speed picked up while his lips grazed your nipples and the sound of his wooden bed frame hitting the wall filled the room.

You were in some sort of trance from the feeling of his hips moving against yours. Slowing down a little, Chris pinned your arms to his bed, brushed some of your now wild hair out of your face and placed his hands in yours. “Look at me,” he growled. Your fingers curled around his as he drove himself deeper inside you with a sense of urgency. As you stared into his blue-gray eyes you could feel yourself falling apart, and he did soon after.

The golden light from the setting sun peeked through the windows while you laid in Chris’ arms. Neither of you said a word but you felt closer than ever. Any amount of distance that was between you was gone now.

@honeychicanawrites I would love to know what you think of this. You inspired me to start writing fics!

[snarkwrites]

12 | gangsta; sweetpea

NOTES:

It's been a while. I've had these two chapters written for a while now but I haven't had time to sit down, edit them a little better and post them. Since I have time now, I thought I'd go ahead and do that, whether you guys asked for these next two chapters or not.

Sorry this took forever! Sorry I'm so slow, I've been settling into a new house and taking care of some IRL stuff / taking a little break. I swear, I'm going to update everything sooner or later. >.>

I love you guys.

WARNINGS:

NON/ LOOSE CANON COMPLIANCE - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are… definitely not going to like this. ANGST & SLOW BURN, HEAVY SEXUAL TENSIONSTARTING NOW, ACTUALLY - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. VIOLENCE / SWEARING & FIGHTING, POSSIBLE UNDERAGE DRINKING AND OTHER SHENANIGANS- look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?…EVENTUAL SEXUAL CONTENT / A VIRGIN ORIGINAL CHARACTER- this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there. STALKER TW - this chapter marks the true appearance of Alyssa's ex, Dave Novak. It's hinted heavily that he's a gross asshole who likes to play mind games.

If you're under 18+, probably not a good or wise idea to continue reading this series. Because there are going to be a few dark and adult themes within. I'll warn here, of course, but you need to understand that I don't control you. If you continue to read after having read the warnings and you're upset or don't like something... Totally on you, friend.

PAIRING:

Andrews!Sibling OFC x Sweet Pea.

TAGGING:

@brithedemonspawn is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you want to be added, the link to do so is below.

OTHER PARTS:

ONE - TWO - THREE - FOUR - FIVE - SIX - SEVEN - EIGHT - NINE - TEN- ELEVEN - soundtrack

OTHER STUFF:

[ about my writing - tag list doc ]

T W E L V E.

[773 - 589 - 7956] attachment

[773 - 589 - 7956] I think I decided how you can repay me, scarlet…

[773 - 589 - 7956] Better enjoy your quiet and happy little life while you still have it, scarlet. Because soon it’s all going to be ripped right out of your pretty little hands.

[773 - 589 - 7956] That boyfriend of yours isn’t even gonna be able to save you this time, scarlet. You’re mine.

[773 - 589 - 7956] See you soon, scarlet.

Each new text that came in had me tensing up. Careful to keep my phone out of sight of anyone who was nearby. My heart was about to beat right out of my chest and my stomach felt like it sank to the floor. I was barely listening to anything being said around me and I guess it was more obvious than I thought because Toni cleared her throat, nodding to the phone in my hand.

Gazing at me in concern.

“Everything okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Yeah,yeah. Everything is fine.” I lied. I think at that particular point in time, I was just trying to convince myself that this was all some kind of bad dream. Or worst case scenario, Dave was making empty threats.

Toni eyed me suspiciously. I tried to give her a convincing smile, but I’d have had to be an idiot to even think for a second that she believed me. She eyed my phone and reached for it. I managed to shove it in my pocket.

“Trust me.” I pleaded. She gave me a wary look and sighed, grumbling “Fine, okay. Alright.” under her breath.

And I did my best to push the texts out of my head. Jumping in the conversation she had going on with Cheryl and Veronica. Laughing and talking as if nothing were wrong.

Lying through the skin of my teeth.

XXX

“What’s got you so jumpy?”

The question caught me off guard. I wanted to tell someone what was going on, I really did, but… I didn’t want to worry anyone, either. I was at least 99.9 percent sure that there was absolutely no way that Dave would show up in Riverdale, at least that’s what I was hoping.

I did my best to play it off. Shoveling french fries into my mouth just so I didn’t have to answer right away. My cell phone lit up and I flinched before I could stop myself.

Toni reached for it and I quickly grabbed it and shoved it in my pocket. She gave me a concerned look and I muttered quietly, “Probably just Reggie...again.”

“Reggie’s with that new girl though?” Cheryl spoke up. Gazing at me thoughtfully. My breath caught in my throat because if anyone would catch on to there being something truly wrong with me or something off in the way I was acting, it’d be her or Polly.

So far, I’d managed to fool everyone else into thinking I was alright, even my dad and my brother.

,, Dave won’t come here, it’s not worth the hassle. He’s just playing mind games. That’s all this is. Pull yourself together.” the thought came and I managed a smile, shrugging.

“You’ve been acting weird all week, now that I’m thinking about it.” Cheryl was the one who said it and she gave me an expectant look. Waiting.

“I have not.”

,, I do have one secret I can spill. Maybe if I tell them about my crush on Sweetpea…” and so that’s what I did. Sighing as I reached for the shared plate of fries between the three of us. Raking my fries through my vanilla milkshake and taking a few deep breaths to kind of collect myself, both from Dave’s harassing texts and what I was finally about to get off my chest about having feelings for Sweetpea.

“You have. Start talking.” Toni spoke up, watching me. Sizing me up. If I had to guess, I’d pin money on her sitting across the booth, trying to figure out what was up with my jumpy attitude all week.

“Okay, alright. Fine. But what I’m about to tell you two does not leave this table, okay? It.. It can’t. If Sweetpea ever found out, pretty sure he’d start avoiding me and things would get weird.”

Toni and Cheryl exchanged a look and then Toni nodded. Chewing a mouthful of fries as she muttered calmly, “Go on.”

“ I may or may not have a crush on Sweetpea.”

“Oh, you definitely have a crush on him. It’s kind of obvious.” Cheryl gave a soft teasing grin and I sighed. Dragging my hand through my hair and taking a few seconds to let her words sink in. I almost dreaded asking, but I felt like I had to given that she said it was obvious. “Oh god.. He doesn’t suspect anything.. Right?”

“Oh, he’s the only one whose oblivious. But the rest of us, we’ve known a while.” Toni teased me. Then asked calmly, “Is that all? Why’s that have you so jumpy?”

“Because I know how bad I am at hiding things, okay? I was kind of… I dunno, freaking out I guess.” I eyed her, waiting. Searching her face in the hopes that she accepted what I said and didn’t keep pushing. A few seconds passed and she laughed softly. Took a sip of her strawberry milkshake and asked with a smirk, “Are you gonna do anything about it?”

“Probably not. Every time I even think about it, I manage to talk myself right out of it. He’d laugh his ass off, okay? Besides, remember all the flirting he was doing with Josie when they had to work together during the play?” I pouted as I pointed it out.

Cheryl and Toni exchanged looks and Toni laughed. “He was doing that to make you jealous. Or that’s what I think he was doing. Either way… I think you should do something. He’s not going to and trust me… I’ve known the guy my whole life. I know him well enough to say that I know he has a thing for you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been so cranky when you two first met?”

“I thought he was just naturally grumpy?”

“Oh, he is, but the way he was towards you was totally different. He’s only that grumpy when he’s trying to keep his defenses up.” Toni informed me before finishing off her shake.

The door to the diner opened and Sweetpea walked in, Fangs in tow. The two of them were laughing about something. I gave both Cheryl and Toni a pleading look and Cheryl seemed to pick up on my unspoken plea to change the subject thankfully, because she asked, “Are you going to F.P’s retirement party at the Wyrm?”

“Yeah.” I answered, finishing off my milkshake. Sweetpea flopped into the booth beside me, carelessly slinging an arm over the back of the seat. His hand brushed against my shoulder and I swear just the small brush against me felt like someone had taken a livewire and dragged it over my body real slow.

Toni smirked at me, nodding at Sweetpea while he was too busy wolfing down french fries to notice and I shook my head.

“I dare you. No… I triple dare you.. Flirt with him.” Toni gave a teasing grin as she mouthed the words to me and I swallowed hard.

She’s not playing fair. She knows I can’t turn down a dare.

I happened to glance out the window of the diner and when I thought I saw Dave standing there, leaning against a streetlamp, one hand in his pocket and a cigarette dangling between his lips, I nearly choked. This prompted Sweetpea to start hitting me on the back lightly as he laughed and looked at me in concern. “Damn cherry, are you trying to kill yourself?”

Toni’s brow raised and Sweetpea explained what happened earlier in the day, how I’d nicked myself with the scalpel in our first period class while doing a dissection. What Sweetpea didn’t know was that when it happened, it was because I thought I’d seen Dave standing outside in the parking lot, only to blink and the parking lot be empty.

I have got to stop letting his stupid mind games get to me. It’s just because he’s texting me again. It’s just because he knows how to work me up and get me all scared, he used to be good at it when we dated.

He’d never come to Riverdale. He’s just doing this to me for his own sick amusement and every single time I let him get to me, especially when I’m to a point where I’m so paranoid I’m imagining that I see him everywhere lately, it’s letting him win and that pisses me off more than anything.

I’m supposed to be stronger than that, damn it.

Toni eyed me suspiciously and I braced myself. When she didn’t bring up my skittish behavior, I relaxed a little.

I wanted to tell someone what was going on, but at the same time, why? I’m pretty sure this is just Dave, being an absolute bag of dicks.

It has to be that. It has to be.

XXX

He stood outside some podunk little diner right in the heart of town. The hazy red neon gave off a comforting and inviting warmth and he lit his cigarette, fuming in anger as he watched her sitting inside.

“I know you’re not ignoring me, scarlet. I know you’re not.” he muttered, mostly to himself as he turned the collar of his leather jacket up against the wind and started to walk towards the South Side.

Maybe it was time he paid his old buddy Eric a visit. Eric was out of prison. Eric was the one who’d told him where Alyssa was to begin with, though he didn’t realize it.

Dave chuckled and shook his head as he walked towards the shitty apartments on the opposite end of town where Eric lived. Eric owed him a few favors. He was coming to collect.

“Did you really think I was jokin when I told ya I have friends all over? That you weren’t ever gonna get away from me?” he mused to himself as he knocked on the door of a first floor slum apartment.

Eric opened the door, leaning in it lazily. Blinking at him in a daze and smirking. High fiving him as he asked him why he was in town.

Dave whipped out his phone, showing Eric a picture of Alyssa. At first he gave him some story about her running off while he was in the pen. Eric wasn’t buying it, he could see it written in the expression on his face. And that only made him angry. Eric owed him. He was here to collect the favor owed. All he wanted was for Eric to help him out on this one little thing.

Eric shook his head, chuckling in disgust. Gazing at him with a brow raised. “I think you need to leave, man. Now. You don’t want the heat this is gonna bring down on you. And I’m not about to get on a Serpent’s bad side, even if the Serpent in question is just a damn kid.”

“See, I’d like to just put this all behind me, man... but she’s the whole reason I even went to prison to begin with. Then I get out and find out not only is my girl not loyal, she’s also the one who snitched on me?” Dave eyed Eric. Getting irritated because this was not how he saw the conversation going.

“I’m telling you, you need to leave. Forget about Alyssa. I see her around all the time with some kid… Sweet Pea or Green Bean, some shit. The Serpents are not people you fuck with, man. Not around these parts.”

“You know the Serpents aren’t shit to me… Right?” Dave quipped, smirking. “I’ve got this under control. I just need you to help me out a little… C’mon, man. You owe me.”

“I don’t fucking care. I’m not helping you do whatever it is you’re here to do. What I oughta do is put a bullet in your fucking head for even thinking I’d be down for this shit. She’s a kid, man. A fucking kid... Favor or not, man… I’m on the Serpents side with this. Not yours. You need to leave.” Eric warned, giving Dave a firm glare as he folded heavily tattooed arms over his chest.

“Oh, so that’s how you’re playin, huh? Okay. Alright. All I wanna do is see her again. I’m not going to do anything. I just want to straighten things out. Get a little closure on the situation...”

Eric scoffed. “This coming from the king of overreaction. I don’t trust you.I’m breakin code of my gang by even talking to your ass. Nope. The answer is no. I’m not helping. Do whatever you have to do to me, but I’m not about to help you scare some kid. I’ve got better things to do with my time, buddy...”

Dave’s arm shot out and he pinned Eric against the door of his apartment. Smirking at him calmly. “I know you haven’t forgotten just how much your sorry ass owes me. Because that’s what this sounds like.”

“I guess that’s what it is then. Because I’ve seen what the Serpents can do. I’m not about to bring all that down on my head.” Eric stepped back inside his apartment, slamming the door in Dave’s face, leaving him to glare at the closed door and take a swing.

“Guess I’m doing this all by myself.” Dave mused as he turned and wandered down to a shitty dive bar nearby. He needed to have a few rounds. Come up with a plan.

And a little after midnight, after finding himself a few new talkative friends in some local Ghoulies, things were starting to look up for him. And he was slowly forming a plan.

Now he just had to wait. Pick his moment. Toy with her a little more.

“I’m so close I can almost touch you, scarlet. Soon… Soon you’re going to pay for running your mouth to mommy about me...” he smirked to himself as he unlocked his hotel room and stepped inside.

[smileytiger28]

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You gu

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

These Violent Delights Ch. 3

Hidden in Plain Sight

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x OC

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: None that I can think of?

Author’s Note: I know, this one is late. But at least it’s done, right? XD Anyways, we are about to get into things. 

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

<< Chapter 2 || Series Masterlist || Chapter 4 >>

The moment Adriana sat down in the booth with Bonnie and Elena, it had been evident that the main reason for being there wasn't there yet. As her brown eyes scanned the room, she couldn't help but speak her mind. "I see that Caroline is running late."

Elena sighed as she placed her hands on the table. "We've been under surveillance since Damon was arrested. Seeing as what is being given to you today, she needed to make sure that she gave them the slip before making her way over to us."

Adriana nodded her head in understanding. While it was news to her that they were being watched, it wasn't unusual. For as many times a black card was dropped off with her, they were usually late. 

"Are you sure this is something you want to do?" Bonnie asked, looking over at Adriana.

It wasn't until recently that they had found out who Damon's go-to was. Once the Salvatores were sent to Prison, Elena and Caroline were in charge of the simpler things. Including knowing the details of who to call when something, or someone, needed to be taken care of. 

When Elena found out Adriana had been 'Rosa', Everything had seemed to make sense. With as close as Giuseppe and Victor had been, it wasn't a huge surprise to see that Damon and Adriana had become close in their line of work just as their parents had been. At least Elena knew it was someone they could trust and not some hired contract that could turn on Damon or even Stefan. 

Adriana huffed a laugh. "This is Damon we are talking about. I don't think I'd be able to walk away from helping him. With as much business he's sent my way, I'd feel like if I'd be betraying him if I didn't do this for him." A thought crossed her mind. "Any idea who is on the card?"

Elena shook her head. "Damon didn't say. Mostly because it's hard to get any information out without it being overheard. I would say Caroline would know, but she only knows how to get the encryption onto the card. Whoever is on the card, Damon made them a top priority. We are supposed to help in any way that we can."

"Even though you guys are supposed to help, there isn't much that you guys can do once I start." Adriana said, looking between the two. "I don't want you guys anywhere near where it is going to happen. Especially since you have ties to Damon."

"We definitely have a plan." Caroline said as she plopped herself into the seat next to Elena. "Damon and Stefan want us away for the weekend. So we are going on an all-girls vacation. Which you are required to join once things are done."

Adriana rolled her eyes. "Typical Damon and his weekend getaways for his girls."

She wouldn't say it out loud, but that meant there would be a double with the girls until she joined them. But at Least Adriana knew there was a plan in place to protect her friends. With this one being close to home, Adriana wouldn't risk anyone that she knew. It would make things a complicated mess.

"Anyways, here are the plane tickets, and hotel key for that weekend." Caroline said as she handed Adriana an envelope. As Adriana took it, she knew that the black card was hidden neatly within its contents.

The contents felt heavy in Adriana's hand as she pulled it closer to her. This was something she wouldn't be letting out of her sight any time soon. While the card wouldn't look out of the ordinary to anyone else if she had left it out, she still wouldn't take the risk. 

"When are we leaving?" Adriana asked.

"In a week." Caroline said with a nod. "Though there is a two day period that we are expecting delays."

That had confirmed what Adriana knew. She'd have a week to go over the information she now had and make her plans. In a week, her friends would be leaving, and Adriana would have her cover story. The day after they left, she'd make her move. While most clients put a rush on things, Damon made her timeline more relaxed. It made it easier to get the upper hand she needed. 

"That gives me plenty of time to pack without you hating on every piece of clothing I own." A smirk grew on her lips as Adriana began to joke.

It was a way to ease the tension she was beginning to feel. A coded discussion wasn't what they were used to having with each other. They were used to being carefree in their conversations. Now that it felt off, Adriana wanted to fix it. 

Caroline rolled her eyes. "You better have at least bought some amazing swimsuits while you were out and about. Otherwise, I will judge the whole time."

Bonnie and Elena laughed at the two. The conversation that followed had made them feel as if they were back in High School. The flow of conversation came so naturally to them. They talked about their lives after high school. Ten years of their lives, they hadn't known what Adriana had been up to or vice versa.

_____

The moment Klaus's phone went off, they knew their night out at the bar was about to end. Even though it was their night off, it seemed that it wasn't going to be staying that way. Once Klaus answered the phone, Marcel and Elijah waited to find out what they would be assigned to. 

Klaus' eyes widened as he listened to the voice on the other line. He turned in his seat, his eyes landing on the table where the women were sitting. He watched as they were laughing at something that had been said between them. 

"I understand." He mumbled into the phone, turning his attention back to Elijah and Marcel. He could easily see the look of curiosity displayed on their faces. "We'll bring her in for questioning." Without another word, he hung up the phone. 

"Who exactly are we bringing in?" Elijah asked, already reaching over and grabbing his jacket. 

Klaus shook his head. "I will be bringing in Caroline for questioning. She made the drop earlier, and they want her down the at the station for questioning. You and Marcel will be sticking together. Rosa is officially in town and if she has her mark, it wont be long before you are potentially at risk."

Both Marcel and Elijah rolled their eyes. "How the hell did I get stuck on babysitting duty?" Marcel asked. 

"If you'd like to get the death glares by taking Caroline in, be my guest. I can stay here and be sure my brother isn't used for potential target practice." Klaus said with a raised brow.

"How about we not talk as if I am not here?" Elijah asked as he looked between the two. "I do know how to protect myself."

"I'm sure her long list of victims said the same thing." Marcel noted. "Right before she took their lives without ever laying an eye on her."

"We don't know for sure if I am even her intended target." Elijah said with a shake of his head.

"From what Rebekah said," Klaus stood and collected his things. "Caroline handed an envelope to a woman before getting into her car. The team that watched her believed the woman was Rosa and followed her, losing sight of Caroline. The moment that woman knew she was being followed, she made damn sure she wouldn't be able to give up any details."

"Meaning in the process, Caroline was able to give the real Rosa the black card without anyone knowing when or to who." Elijah shook his head. If he had been there, he would have sent one team with Caroline and another with the woman to ensure nothing was a miss. 

"Looks like it will be a few days of us sticking together." Marcel said, giving Elijah an apologetic look. 

Klaus walked away from the booth as Elijah began muttering about making Marcel's life hell at work. An amused smirk had been on his face as he walked away. His brother never did like just sitting around when he could be at the front of the action. 

As he reached the table, he could hear the women laughing at something Elena said. As he came to a stop at the table, he cleared his throat, getting their attention. The moment Klaus had it, he didn't miss the glares he got from three of them and the shocked look he had gotten from Adriana. 

"It's good to see you, Adri." He said with a nod of his head as he looked over at Adriana. "I hate to break up the chance of catching up," he turned his attention towards Caroline. "unfortunately, duty calls and this isn't a friendly visit. I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the station."

"What the hell, Klaus." Bonnie said, shaking her head. "She hasn't done anything but sit here and-"

"It's okay, Bonnie." Caroline cut her off. She stood up from her seat, knowing that it would be easier to just go than make a scene. "Just call your dad for me?" She turned her attention towards Adriana. "Welcome to our knew normal."

"What is this about?" Adriana asked, looking over at Klaus."

Klaus sighed. "Just some routine questions. She'll be free to go later this evening."

Adriana stood up in front of Klaus. Compared to the man, she was shorter than him. But the way Adriana currently held herself, it almost made Klaus want to shrink in size. She had always kept her ground, and it was a reminder that she never took any shit from anyone.

"Routine questions as in you have something against her?" She questioned as she looked up at Klaus. "Or routine questions that help you solve a case?"

An eyebrow raised on Klaus' face. "You know I can't discuss it."

Adriana laughed. It was unsettling to Klaus and the others that were there with the two. "We both know there's a fine line on what you can and can't talk about. In case you've forgotten, I've been on the other side of a Mikaelson questioning for years. There are ways you can discuss it without jeopardizing whatever case you are working on."

"Adriana, he's just doing his job." Elijah's voice filled the air. 

Adriana never took her eyes off of Klaus. It surprised her how much her heart picked up at the sound of Elijah's voice. But as much as she wanted to turn and see him for the first time in ten years, she wasn't about to back down.

"Adri," Caroline said, coming over to stand beside her and placing a hand on her arm. "Elijah's right. This is just their job. I'll be out of there in time for dinner. Plus, you don't need to make things harder on yourself if they drag you down there with me."

Adriana looked over at Caroline, her face softening. Sighing, she reached over and picked up her bag, pulling out a business card. "While I know Bonnie's dad can do one hell of a job," she handed the card to Caroline. "call this lawyer. Let her know Adri told you. She'll be there in record time."

Caroline laughed. "Leave it to you to have everything on stand by."

A smirk pulled at Adriana's lips. "It's kind of my job to be that person."

The girls watched as Caroline left with Klaus out of the bar. There was a bit of guilt going through Adriana. She knew what this was about. Caroline was going to be questioned about the drop she made at some point today. And while it was unknown to Adriana as to the details of earlier events, she felt like this one was going to come back and bite her in the ass.

"Well there went that." Elena said as she stood up from her seat. "I'll see you both tonight?" She asked as she grabbed her things.

"You don't have to leave, yet." Adriana said, looking over at Elena. She didn't want to miss the chance for them to enjoy their time together.

Bonnie sighed. "We've got a few things we need to go take care of. But we'll be there for dinner. " Bonnie pulled Adriana into a hug. "Plus, by the look on Elijah's face, it seems like he wants to speak with you, and I'd hate for us to get in the way of that conversation." She whispered. 

For the first time that night, Adriana looked over at Elijah. While patient as ever, Bonnie had been right. She could see it on his face that Elijah wanted to speak with her. But Adriana also didn't miss the way her heart picked up once more as she took in his appearance. 

Time had been kind to him. If she once believed she enjoyed how he looked, now that seemed to be intensified. Where he had one wore jeans and shirts had been traded for a suit that looked amazing on him. 

There had been so much left unsaid between the two of them. Ten years' worth of words could have been said between them if Adriana had just stayed.  But since she left without saying a word, it made it difficult to even get the first words between them started. 

"We'll give you two some space." Elena said, giving them a small smile. "I'll call when Care is out."

Adriana nodded her head and watched her friends leave before she looked back at Elijah. She tried thinking of something to say. After a moment, she had it. "Can I just say that I was a horrible best friend?"

A small chuckle passed Elijah's lips. "I agree. There is quite a bit you've left me out of."

"How about a drink?" She asked, gesturing to the now empty booth. "And I'll try and make up for it." 

_____

Her fingers ran over the rim of the wine glass in front of her. "Do you remember what it was like to be kids?" She asked, looking over at Elijah for a moment before looking back towards the glass. "Where we weren't defined by the actions of our parents?"

Elijah sat back in his seat, lifting his glass up to his lips to take a sip of the wine. "It was easier to believe that we could get away from the world that surrounded us. If only it had been that easy."

She shook her head and smiled. "You managed to get out of Mikael's shadow. He never made detective. He was just a cop, not afraid to do anything to get what he wanted."

He shook his head. The thought of his father's days as a cop had been a long-forgotten memory. Adriana had brought those memories to light so easily. He could remember there was only ever one family his father kept harassing the majority of the time. And he was currently looking at a member of that family. 

"You've managed to get out of your's as well." Elijah noted. "You haven't been home in years, traveling the world from what I hear. What your family was responsible for was never something you took on. Continuing the family business, as they say."

"Imagine if I did?" She asked. "The two best of friends on the opposite sides of the law. Your dad would throw a fit." A smirk pulled at her lips as she said the words. If only Elijah knew how wrong he was. 

He chuckled. "He would have thrown a fit over several things if he had only known. Aren't I right, Rosa?"

Hearing the nickname come from Elijah had hit differently. She had heard it several times from other people over the years. She heard it every time someone hired her. But hearing it coming from Elijah, it always felt different.

"I'm surprised you remember that." She said, giving him a smile.

"How could I forget?" He asked as he leaned forward in his seat. "I was the one that gave you that nickname."

"I feel like I was a different person when you gave it." She admitted. "I haven't been home in so long that the Adriana Vega that loved this city looks like a distant memory."

"Whatever happened at your mother's must have been one hell of a visit." He noted. He could still remember the day he heard that she left for her mothers. 

Adriana sighed. "I never went to my mothers." The look she got from Elijah at that moment hurt her. "After she left us, I hated it. She never accepted my calls or even checked in on me. After graduation, a family friend invited me to work with her for the summer. I loved it so much out there that I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"You had us worried when you didn't." There was hurt in his voice that she hadn't missed. "I thought for sure you would have come back. "

"I wanted to." She nodded her head. "But I couldn't bring myself to come back. I kept telling myself that I would go home and see everyone and explain why I left, but I couldn't bring myself to. Eventually, a letter just seemed like the best way to say goodbye to an old life."

Elijah nodded his head in understanding. Adriana had wanted an out from the world that she had been a part of in New Orleans. Even though he understood, it still hurt him that she left without telling him. 

"Has this new life of yours been kind to you?" He asked. Fishing for information that he wasn't sure he wanted to hear. 

She shrugged her shoulders. "As kind as it can be for someone that travels a lot. " She picked up her glass, taking a drink. "Work keeps me busy enough, the pay is great that I can retire soon." She chuckled slightly. "But it's lonely compared to the life I had here."

It was the first time she had ever said that out loud. But speaking with Elijah made it so easy to come up. He used to be the person she could say anything to. They could talk about any of their problems out with each other. It seemed that aspect hadn't changed after all those years. 

Adriana missed that. Being a mercenary meant having little to no friends or connections. The less that people knew about her life, the better things were. Settling down wasn't an option. Not when a target could be placed on them for some of the jobs she had done. 

Elijah sighed. "I take it there was another reason for you coming home? Otherwise, I believe you would have been back sooner if you missed the people." 

A small smirk pulled at her lips. "If you are trying to ask me if I missed you, the answer would be yes." 

Elijah chuckled as a small smile formed on his lips. "Good to know. Though if that was the case, why not just tell me?"

Adriana sighed as she looked down at the glass. Several things crossed her mind at that moment. She turned down a different path than Elijah had when she left home. He chose the career he always wanted while she followed a darker path. How could she ever explain that to him?

"You were the first person I wanted to tell." She admitted as she looked over at him. "I wanted to tell you that I was packing up my bags and leaving."

"Why didn't you?" He asked curiously.

"You would have stopped me from leaving." She hadn't missed the shock and confusion that played on his expressions at her words. "Rebekah told me about your summer plans for us."

Elijah's shoulders slumped slightly. His mind quickly jumping to conclusions. He had always believed that there was a reason she didn't tell him she was leaving. He felt at that moment, with those words, he had gotten his answer. 

Seeing his face, Adriana reached over and placed her hand on his. "I would have stayed and enjoyed that summer with you. Life would have been different.  And I did want that. I could have told you about the job and we could have worked something out. But what would have happened to us once I decided I wasn't coming home?"

"We'll never know since you made the decision on your own." He said as he looked her in the eye. 

A huff passed her lips as she pulled her hand back. "Would you have left your family for years at a time?" She asked, watching his reactions. "Or handle the fact that I was traveling more than being at home? And you can't say that you would have tried the traveling life. Because I know you, Elijah. You wouldn't have been here to protect your siblings from Mikael."

Elijah looked away as he took in her words. She wasn't wrong about anything she had just said. Adriana knew him well enough that she knew his thought process without ever needing to speak with him. 

If he had left with her, he wouldn't have been there for his siblings. His father had taken plenty of his anger out on his siblings. It was Elijah that tried his best to keep them safe. And if he stayed, he wasn't sure if he could take Adriana being gone for as long as she been speaking about.

"Maybe it was for the best that we hadn't." He said with a nod of his head a moment later. "I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you had stayed and given up the opportunity you've had."

Before Adriana could voice her thoughts, her phone went off. Her eyes drifted to the phone screen, seeing Elena's number pop up. She was able to scan the message before the notification closed. 

 "Caroline's out." She said softly. "We're still meeting for dinner. I know our conversation is probably far from over..."

Elijah nodded his head. "Go. I assure you it is still rather easy to get in contact with me. " He reached into his pocket, grabbing his wallet and pulling out his card. "But just in case, here's my card."

A smile pulled at her lips as she took the card. "Never thought I'd see the day where Elijah Mikaelson has his own business card."

He chuckled softly. "It's a good thing you've come home, then." 

Adriana's smile grew a little more at his words. "I'm happy to be home, even if it's only for a while." She got up out of her seat and collected her things. "I'll try not to be a stranger."

"I hope not." He said as he stood as well. Since she was leaving, he had no other reason to be there. 

With one last smile, Adriana walked away from the booth and out the door. Elijah had watched as she had, hoping that this wasn't the last time they spoke. He'd hate for things to be left as they were. 

"Well," Marcel said as he came up and patted Elijah's back. "You could feel the tension from the other side of the place."

Elijah rolled his eyes. "Say another word, and you'll be buried in paperwork. "

Marcel raised his hands in surrender. Though a smirk played on his lips as he did. 

_____

The moment Adriana got to her car, she pulled an encrypted tablet out from the glovebox. The moment it was powered up, she pulled the envelope out that Caroline gave her. Just as she expected, the black card had been hidden within the pocket meant to hold the hotel key. 

Removing the small SD card that had been hidden in its side, Adriana popped it into the tablet. As the tablet worked to unseal the files, her eyes wandered. As they did, she watched as Elijah and Marcel began to walk out of the bar, a small smile pulling at her lips. 

The ding that came from the tablet made her look down at it before her eyes widened. Her heart dropped as she took in the information on the screen. A moment later, her head shot up, her eyes scanning the area until landing on Elijah getting into the car with Marcel. 

She watched as they spoke to each other for a moment before driving away. As they did, Adriana was beginning to hate that she took this job. She never wanted her work to interfere with her past. And yet it was about to do that. 

She could only hear her father's words as she looked back at the screen. I understand the thrill of it all. To want to be able to get the money and have power all at the same time. But one of these days, you'll mess up in a way that you can't come back from. 

On the tablet, there was an image similar to what she had seen moments ago. Elijah and Marcel holding coffee in their hands and smiles on their faces as they were getting into the car. At the bottom of the image was writing that was clear as day. 

Elijah Mikaelson. You have a week, Rosa. Use it wisely. 

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[agentunwin]

DEAR ELYSE [Part 1] [*Read Prologue First*]

In his newest book, famous author Shawn Mendes tells the story of his life with his wife, Elyse. However, when she becomes hospital-bound after an incident, the narrative is changed forever.

— A/N: ok this definitely might be more than 3 parts but they’re all gonna be super short so i hope u enjoy this part thanks for reading :)

— WORDS: 1.1k

— WARNINGS: angst

[Prologue is on my masterlist.]

-

Dear Elyse,

Today, you didn't wake up.

No matter how hard I shook you out of desperation, no matter the volume of my broken sob of your name, you didn't wake up.

From the moment I walked into that hospital room, I knew that things would never be the same for the two of us. My breath became caught in my throat the first time I laid my eyes on you like this, and soon after, the tears came. I didn't talk for a long time; the first few hours of my arrival, at the very least. I didn't say a word when doctors poured into the room to explain your condition. I didn't speak when nurses attempted small talk while connecting you to machines as if you were one yourself. I ignored their company, their worry, and their pity. I was far too numb.

I would do anything in this world to take your spot; for it to be me laying in that hospital bed instead of you. You never deserved this.

A coma, they called it.

Bullshit.

I know that you're here with me. You're only resting; biding your time to return to me.

However, at the end of tonight and at the time of my writing this, I have finally attempted to find my voice once more. I called out your name. My voice, rich with hope and heartache, called out for you.

It got no response.

But I know that you would be proud of me for attempting such a feat, even if it was just one measly word.

I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of you. You always have been and always will be the strongest person I have ever known, and I will always love you to the moon and back. I know that you will pull through, and that some time soon, you will come back to me. You will wake up for me.

And I'll wait for you for however long it takes, I swear it on my life.

Eternally yours,

Shawn.

Two hours of sleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair certainly wasn't enough for the young man, but it was all he could grant himself throughout the night. When he opened his eyes that morning, he expected her own eyes to be staring back at him, glazed over and dazed with love as they typically were. Instead, he was met with reality. Her eyelids remained shut, the bruises and cuts on her skin still painfully prominent amongst anything else.

Their breakfast that morning wasn't their typical of making a meal together, sitting with one another at the kitchen counter, and discussing their plans for the day. No; instead, Shawn found himself lost within the bowl of cereal on his lap whilst the tube strung through her nose fed her her meal. He couldn't bear to watch.

When it was finished, he assumed his new position. Sometimes, when the nurses weren't around, he liked to rest his head on her tummy and chest as gently as he could manage. He would intertwine their fingers and listen to her heartbeat and the blood coursing through her veins, the feeling calming him. He often found that his own heartbeat would attempt to match hers, and to him, it was beautiful. To him, it was as if he could communicate with her like this. With their pulses connected, he believed and prayed that she was on the receiving end, feeling everything.

It was his only hope, at that moment.

My darling, Elyse,

I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much. I've been consumed with.. Everything. I'm sure you'd understand.

It has now been 12 days since the crash and your hospitalization. Ever since the beginning, my voice has been rather muted apart from a few hushed sentences now and then. However, today, a nurse told me something that actually interested me. She told me that, apparently, if you speak to someone while they're in a "coma", it can help them wake up faster.

I've never been much of a loudmouth as you know, but today, I talked my ass off.

I told you everything, and for a long time, I felt good. I felt as if I were having an actual conversation with you as I held your hand and talked about how the hospital food was awful, or how your friends and family miss you, or even stories from my childhood that you've heard a million times over. Anything I could tell you, I did. I know that you hear me. I know you aren't gone.

I'd like to think that beneath those eyelids is a wonderful place. A place where you can do anything or go anywhere you want. Maybe you're flying over mountains or on that vacation to Italy we never got to go on. Maybe your world is colorful and bubbly, just like you. Or maybe you're with me, somewhere, somehow. That's what I tell myself.

Underneath the happiness of talking to you, though, my despair looms perpetually. I cannot ignore the reality of the situation any longer. It hurts, Elyse. It hurts more than anything I've ever experienced, and no matter how hard I try to mask it, the guilt and sadness churning in my stomach always finds its way to the top, exploding at the end of each day.

They have no idea when you might wake up, and that is what worries me the most. I have no idea when I'll be able to see your beautiful eyes again, or hear your beautiful voice. I don't know if I will ever, and that haunts me to the ends of the earth. I know it's terrible, but I can't help but think that the last conversation we had might have actually been our last ever. At the end of it, we exchanged I Love You's and went on about our days, completely naïve as to what laid ahead. If I had known before.. I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I would have done, El.

I'm finding it hard to eat, sleep, and write. What was once my passion, something that consumed nearly every waking moment of my life, has been put on a back-burner. I have no motivation for anything anymore. I cannot focus on anything or anyone but you. These pages to you are the only things I've found the strength to write. I hope you'll get to read them one day.

Until then, I'll continue to talk to you as if nothing is wrong. For you, I'll be strong. I'll tell you about my day and ask you questions, even though I know you won't answer them. I'll hold your hand, kiss your marks, and watch over you; Protect you.

I'll wait. I'll always be here next to you. Don't you worry.

Take your time, my love.

Sincerely,

Shawn.

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.

[threenorth]

Tw dentist, blood doctors and maybe more i don't know it's ment to be a vent...ptsd horror I don't fucking know... Just leave I've warned you enough.. You can read whatever you fucking want.

Here's a vent that might take you forever to see, and i guess that's how it goes now.

To whoever finds me in my state of mind where there is only me and my battles of my own mind.

Thanks for what i assumed was coming to wish my happy birthday, i guess now it's not you, i thought id come clean and then to see you say you didn't know...

God i hate anons. Y'know? Can't they just tell us who they fucking are...and if i find out it's you later I'm going to more hurt, but i can take the hurt.

I will never do any of those things. It hurts you think I would, i got really fucked up a few weeks ago from everything that's happened this year and I'm haunted from a kiss, I've had to suppress my sexual activetly around you incase it brought you truma, so I found photos of things i thought was attractive and ultimately being undiagnosed autisc i guess there's alot I've had to learn the past 3 years... Let alone 7...everyday is beautiful and i face my demons and I'm winning some fights but now I've lost my reason to fight them, when i went to the gym and i can't do another push up i tell myself one more because it's a step closer to being able to pick you up and carry you over the line, not to do the other things you say.

But it's hard when all you can see is the other side of the coin, I thought id show you how much you mean to me, I don't think you should move away from the things, I just wanted to show you that i could of reached out but when i did it was only in an emergency... Your voice calms my seas like nothing else, now all i had was repeats of things that you said i guess now I'll have to live with your new words being painful ones...

I want to rebuild us, but now it's gone.

We need to talk, but we never can be on the same page, time is foward's and backwards you face your last battles because of me, i face mt first because I finally was brave enough to try ask for help because of you.

i guess we're both in bad places but i said i would get hurt for you, i want you to clear your plate but i guess i'm adding to it, but it only get better... Well for one of us...

but everytime it's a fight now, i tried to come to help at the time i saw what i thought was your sign for help. now i feel like no face from spirited away just another soul.

You once told me you wish people would fight over you, yeah little did you know then i wanted you but it seems you later we did too.

But i remember everything, about you it's taking up my memory because everything i choose to do, it's about you.

But I'll leave my socials how they are, if you want in my brain your find the fragments from June 2014 to September 2021, each blog post one thing in it was about you or something in my day.

If you want to find me, you know where I can be found.

In my letters i apologise for my actions, to everyone and try to talk to them.

I wanted to get to know them, but i guess i never will be able to either.

I even tell your father that i would always have an account for you with 5000 dollars it in so you can always go wherever you need to go.

I tell your father to exchange letters with your mother, where i tell her it would be nice to have Brunch with her.

I'm not a perfect person, but everyday i try to get my life back and every crossroad has your name on it.

Your wish is my command,

I hope you remember one thing from me.

I always tried my best for you, even if i knew at some stage your find out... I'm just sorry that I can't build a freindship with you when you mean so much to me aswell...

So herd about the police call.yeahhh that one was pretty bad but...

Did you know i called a safe shelter for you to ask pricing that i would of paid for?

I was loosing my mind but i said i would do anything so i guess my anything is walking away once more because that's what's asked, I want you to know I'm proud of you, your doing an only fans, the girl who told me she didn't want to wear a bikini because she was scared about her scars.

You truly are as beautiful as i saw, even if you didn't see it.

I guess i will never be able to be what i want to be, you are only person I've ever felt remotely anything for who understood me when my words don't work for anyone, but even when i didn't speak the ones i wanted you knew i suffered, yes i did but your voice heals my voids and makes me feel alive and now that I'm finally coming back all i want is you to sing to me, like i sung to you.

I'm ruined and broken, but to see you smile it's something that warms my heart like nothing I've felt.

I wrote about everytime i saw your face i saw the truma of the horror movie trailer, i saw your face and the horror on the screen, the lights the horror I couldn't do it because all i saw was you suffering.

I called the hospital twice and because i wasn't in harm to myself they didn't care, but i still kept my promise to you not to self harm, they didn't ask if I felt like it oh i surely did but i couldn't break a promise and see you in tears.

Do i want to die? Everyday my life without you.

Will I? No because everyday is full of pain i can feel again because of you,this sounds awful but the pain of having a good job because i remained here because of you.

I tell you father that we don't have much but he can take my life, and take it for every cent because it doesn't mean anything to me every paycheck i tried to save some money to help you out, and now i got new costs that i didn't plan on since my meltdown...

I will tell you many things but this one was supposed to be a surpise... In 2014 i asked someone if he wanted to help me make a song.

Some how being ignorant, he posted some of my songs lyrics to a website called something awful forum.

Eventually someone got in contact with me anf told me he did but something magical happened that a kiwi guy saw the song and put chords on it.

He modified it a little but in turn i could enter s contest for song lyrics, i came third.

Here's my song performance by nitton.

I would check the mail everyday hoping for a post card, but I've bounced around the place so many times that part would would say it's in the lost mail section of the post office.

I made this song when i first saw your smile and it melted me away but I told myself not to talk to you because you were younger than me but we became freind's then you became my best freinds then you became my lover then we broke apart then somehow because that's our relationship we met face to face, i left to suffer in my mental state or never being able to have you ever and try do college and now i rebuild my puzzle and piece I'm looking for is around your neck, you are my final piece, i knew you were special to me, but i hadn't known how special you would be...and still are.

She asked me how I was and i said good.

I lied to protect the ones you love.

I lied to survive another day to see you.

The days we didn't talk had been the hardest on me and now the days i talk to you are the hardest on you.

My problems fly away when i see your smile.

I wished it could be everyday forever...

But it keeps falling to pieces.

I have missing pecies but i don't notice my faults when you are with me i feel whole and complete.

Maybe the fault was the stars i saw in your eyes.

Maybe i am the pain I feared i was, i would tattoo my face to change it so all you can see is me but i grew my hair out like I've wanted and i grew my beard out needs a bit of trim but i wanted to show you that i have changed things have changed alot for me just as much as you.

But every wind blow in my hair feels like your hands in my hair...

I went to the dentist, got a clean done and this is hard on anyone but for me the sounds are so much worse being autisc, and then getting two cavities, i was in pain suffering from all the times I've had prior but I found peace in my pain reminding me I'm alive i felt your arm holding my hand, telling me everything will be okay and I let go of my pain and suffering from dentists and still hate the sound but...

I went for my covid injection, i had a mental issue on the way there but i didn't feel my pain you told me that I was okay and this is a new chapter for me.

In the day after talking to the people across the country. I had been in hospital, they had taken my blood i asked for not having a nerve block on my arm maybe it was the anti-pychs but i didn't really feel it this time, my nurse (male) was. Named the same as one of my bully's, the only one to apologise to me for making my life hell.

I don't feel pain anymore, but I do feel remorse and regret i guess i'm finally a man but a man in progress as I'm awaiting to tell them about my pain and suffering I've been through to maybe get meds. Everyday I wake up since 2014 and think i hope your okay, but i saw your face and the horror on the screen your face causes me pain but i can take it and eat it away until my demise of being bullied one night in a bar, I'm glad i didn't do anything stupid but i sure as hell felt it but then i remember that my job would be in jeopardy.

I never planned coming back to Colorado unless i need to and if that means wearing a gps tracker your see the only place i would go would be to the amc, the place my life begun and ended within minutes of each other, i might go up on that rock and scream out that I'm such a fuck up.

If i become famous in my song writing, i told myself I'd never tour colorado.

I would give you every grain of truth but when you say yours I'm in tears you think I'm capable of those things, I'm still haunted by our kiss.

Didn't he tell you that? I said i didn't ask permission to kiss you.

What do you think that means?

I had my rules for being with you and i started horrible habits to deal with my other parts.

I've given that up many moons ago, but you can't be here to believe me, my words feel powerless and weightless because you can't see my world, i see yours through a tinted widow that's how we are.

My words are often misconception and miskewed...

You may never understand my disabilities or my issues I face daily, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to drive yet... but i face them because you gave me hope for better things to come on my hardest days.

I tell you that i would of searched and this comes across like that word you use.. No I'm trying to say that i said would of looked everywhere for you, you are so fucking special to me, you don't have a fucking idea how special.

but you right where i left you, you are the best thing i saw in co, you are the best thing to happen to me in 27 years including college graduation and maybe even being told i would be hired full time... Maybe your be lucky enough to get a full time job.

I told him that every line there would be she can shortcut the line, he didn't even budge to see the lie when i named your demons with one being a lie, he doesn't fucking care about you the way i do, he can't even give a shit to make a fucking comprise on diet for you, you have dated him for 5-6 years. He's a complete douche bag.

He's never going to understand your hints..you see for me i had to analyse every word and every phrase and every gesture to try understand you and i failed to see the ones when you got broken.

I failed to see the time you were trumantised, but you saw me suffering and you made me feel at ease, but i opened my eyes to soon why couldn't you tell me it was over, why couldn't you see that..because you like horror and I've hated it...

that comes across like s- so fucking be it, i know more about you then most people.

I want what's best for you so i guess what's best for you now is that i never get to tell you that I've thought about you everyday expect once, for 7 years.

I guess I'll never tell you how in my darkest hours you push me.

I guess I'll never tell you that i would marry you on my best days and my worse days.

I guess your never find out what you want to know because I've offered to try mend but all I do fucking bend.

I said it once but ill change my words.

I don't know if it's me, well now i know its not.

I hope who ever it is you choose they at least have the fucking desire to learn everything they can.

And maybe they might understand how to ground people in the right way, and not tell them that reailty was wrong, i know you and i don't know what he knew about me, but he could of asked me anything.

In my letter to him i had planned to tell him you should of put a god damn ring on that finger i felt i should of many years ago but I couldn't, can't you see we had to do college and all this other shit...

Within 3 months of dating you i would of asked...

He's had fucking 5-6 years 3-4 more years with you then i ever did, he's a fucking idiot.

But if you love him, go ask him to marry you and don't wait for your fucking mental ex to come back,but you did... You waited for the perfect man I'll tell you I'm not perfect but I've made peace that I'm not, i just wanted to hold you in my arms as i cry on the days i think my pillow is you.

You say you threw out my favourite t-shirt.

I have to believe that, you say many things...

I would of asked for your hand a few months ago but didn't see the laws regarding that marriage is that i have to be in mountains , and file a record to the courts but if i return to mountains i know I'll be shackled more then i have been prior in my mental health.

If you needed blood on a surgery it's a shame I'm the same type,they may tell me it's risky to give more than a certain ammout but i would tell them to risk everydrop for you, i wonder if we're kidney matches, because i would give you my kidney.

If you wanted the moon i would find a way to legally name a crater for you, i wish i had more money to pay your surgery in full, but if you were here my medical insurance would cover most of it.

I would do anything for you and i guess the one thing you can't get from me is the thing you will get. A painful memory that when i tried my best to rebuild my life again and hearing you speak to me i should of just left you alone but I couldn't help it all I've ever done and wanted was to be yours, I wanted a tech job paying well to look after you i wanted to be in San Francisco we both loved the bay. If you need anything at all, i won't provide it because it's already been given you gave me my life and it belongs to you, you can do whatever you want to it. You want it gone so hes.

[emmerdalesweden]

Emmerdale stars Ryan Hawley and Danny Miller tease Robert and Aaron's wedding in joint interview

It's finally here!

The wait is nearly over! Emmerdale supercouple Robert Sugden and Aaron Dingle will be tying the knot in this Friday's episode (October 5) – and this time it's official, legal and not in a grotty garage.

Digital Spy was invited onto set for the filming of the episode (how lucky were we?) and caught up with Ryan Hawley and Danny Miller, who play Robert and Aaron, for their thoughts on the highly-anticipated scenes.

When you read the script for the wedding, was it everything you'd hoped for?

Ryan: "It very much feels like a full stop. It's the most definitive thing I think I've ever read in Emmerdale, which is really nice. It puts an end to the questions of: 'Are they a couple? Are they married? Are they not married? Is it legal? Is it not legal?'

"No-one's going to prison, it's over, it's done, they are married now."

Do you ever worry that if Robron are too stable, the show will stop writing for you?

Ryan: "It's very possible, but there's storylines other than romantic storylines. There's lots of things that Robert and Aaron have got into in the past, in terms of the schemes they've carried out over the years. We'll just have to wait and see."

Robert Sugden and Aaron Dingle's wedding day arrives in Emmerdale

How does this compare to their garage wedding from last time?

Danny: "It feels much more like a wedding, with all the family there. After everything that's happened with Chas and Paddy, they're not just doing it for themselves, they're doing it for the whole family in a way. They want to make their marriage official, but also make it a family event. It very much feels like a community coming together."

Ryan: "It's outside the village hall as well. Rather than it being in the garage, it's for everyone to see. It's the centre of the village, there's loads of cast members there, the decoration is a lot more thought out and classy. I think one of the actual things they say in the script is that it's a million times more classy than the last time.

"In terms of the stage directions as well as how it looked, it should be a lot more of an occasion and celebratory than maybe two guys in the garage getting married hastily because one of them is going away to prison!"

Maxine Alderton has written the wedding and she's known for penning some of Robron's biggest episodes. Are there touches in there that the hardcore fans will really appreciate?

Ryan: "I think it's very much appealing to the people that are Robron fans. I think it's very much written for them. I really hope that they enjoy it, because it's one of the very few occasions in the show where you get to see two people genuinely happy. It's an episode where it's just happiness – two people getting married and that's it.

"Maxine knows the relationship of the two characters better than anyone anywhere, and I think she knows how to write for the Robron fans very well. Hopefully it's a success."

It's quite unusual for a soap wedding to go to plan, but do you think people need a feel-good TV event like this?

Danny: "We've always said, 'Would it be boring if it was just a straightforward wedding with no drama?' You kind of think maybe it would be, but realistically they've been through so much that there's not really a lot left, bar a helicopter crashing!"

Ryan: "Been there, done that!"

Danny: "It means a lot more to them and I think it's nice to have a bit of happiness and joy."

Robron proposal – Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle, Emmerdale.

What will the story be for Robron moving forwards?

Ryan: "To be honest with you, I don't really know long term. That's always been my personal preference – I don't really want to concentrate too far on what's happening in the future, I'd rather just do what I'm doing right now.

"There's a lot of stuff to get through in a block of soap scripts. What's nice at the end of this episode is that they ride off onto their honeymoon and I think we're actually not in the next block because we're away on holiday."

You could have got a nice jolly holiday out of that!

Ryan: "We could have got a spin off! That long-lost spin off that was talked about all those years ago, that never happened!"

Danny: "Yeah, the DVD in shops for Christmas!"

Ryan: "Bottom of the bargain bucket!"

How does it feel to have new producers in charge?

Danny: "I think I've been in for long enough now to see producers come and go. Laura Shaw and Kate Brooks have got a specific route that they want to take with the show. I think each person comes in and adds a little bit, with different character groups and different storylines. For us down on the floor it never necessarily changes, but it's good that we get to have different people having their influence on the show and implementing their ideas into it."

Ryan: "I think the show needs it, doesn't it? There are 330 episodes a year, so it needs people to come in every now and then. It's different minds and different ideas. There's always, like Danny says, a new take on it and new character groups come in, or other character groups get used more or less. It's quite nice."

Chas Dingle and Paddy Kirk at the hospital with baby Grace in Emmerdale

© ITV

Does Aaron question whether it's right to have the wedding so soon after Grace's death?

Danny: "Yeah, it feels too raw for them to be able to just do it there and then. But Chas pushes it through as a, 'No, we're doing this and we need it for our family'. Aaron knows in the back of his mind during the ceremony that it's difficult for his mum, but it still goes ahead. It's touching, but it's also nice that they're both doing it for their family.

"I think it's very much a band aid for that problem, especially with Chas and Paddy. They are happy for Aaron, even if at the back of their minds they're hurting."

Do you think we've seen the last of Robert's more duplicitous nature?

Ryan: "It certainly feels like that for me. That's not really written as much now. I guess I'll have to wait and see over the next few blocks or the next year. I certainly see him as a more morally centred guy now. The function of the character is more him being in a family unit with Liv, Aaron and Seb.

"That side of Robert being duplicitous and out to get what he wants, is not really there any more. Personally I liked that side of the character, but I'm happy to be whatever is written for me."

With episodes like these, do you ever feel under pressure to please the vocal fanbase?

Ryan: "I think we just go with it, don't we? It is what it is."

Danny: "To a certain degree as well, it's not within our control. We can only do what's written on the paper, the directors are there to do the rest of it, but there are a lot of well-known references to the couple in this wedding episode and I think the fans will be pleased that they do get the nod of the cap.

"But we just like to keep it 110% like we do on everything, whether we see them at home having a cup of tea or at a big wedding. They're just a genuine couple, they're just best mates, in a relationship and that's what we play."

Ryan: "The strongest relationship is when it's two people you can relate to, rather than an ideal romantic pairing. It's more relatable when it's two people with all of their flaws, rather than a fantasy."

How do you feel about so many of your scenes becoming gifs and YouTube clips?

Ryan: "I wish I knew how to make those things myself – WhatsApp would be very entertaining!"

Emmerdale airs weeknights at 7pm on ITV, with an extra episode at 8pm on Thursdays.

Robert Sugden and Aaron Dingle's wedding day arrives in Emmerdale.