#i dont even have a lot of followers (thank christ) but i am simply so Hilarious evidently that my jokes have reached far and wide

[bumblebeebats]

How does it feel to be the creator of one of tumblrs most iconic posts

Well *flips my non-existant tresses of ebony dark hair* you're gonna have to be more specific bc i've been here for donkey's years and quite a few of my posts or replies have blown up lmao 😂 (e.g. the 2 teen boys at the grocery store offering me a receipt, "Nicholas II last czar of Russia hanging from my ceiling fan," "it Levies your goddamn Corpus," etc.)

[nekropsii]

not the biggest fan honestly :T

I feel like the biggest issue with modern homestuck fanon is that whether people liked it or not, and how if its concidered dubiously canon or not, hs^2 and epiloge characterization has bled into fanon. the majory of hs fans hate hs^2 (and for good reason), yet Jane hate has gone up, people are being sooo unnecessarily weird about davejadekat (/all of its pairings) and bi characters in general, rosemary is deemed boring (killkillkillkill-), people don't see jake as a person will feelings, karkat?? kanaya?? trolls?? never heard of them, unless you mean those.. things we keep around to fuel the humans plots sometimes and act as the occasional therapist. Also... Dirk...

THESE ARE ALL THINGS FROM HS^2, THE COMIC YOU HATE!!! WHY ARE YOU LETTING IT LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR BRAIN??

karkat is probably one of if the my most favorite character, I think hes interesting as hell!!! but alot of what makes him intersting comes from how he fits against troll society/against other trolls imo??? his mutation, his dancestory/him being the litteral second coming of christ, the significance of his secretly caring personality in a violent child soldier evil murder military state and what it says about it as a whole with his role as the alternian equivalent of the 'everyman', his familial relationship with kanayah, his unique relationship with romance, etc, these things all mean jack shit to humans, and shine best around other trolls, yet all he is now is daves side bitch, i feel fanon has sorta moved away from hs and into earthC, noone really cares about alternia anymore as trolls are just seen as humans but grey. even comander!karkat focuses more on dave angst than karkat, a minority amongst his people, leading a revolution a'la signless style??

idk i just feel like hes just been watered down into the easily digestible 'angry character' who is sad sometimes for,,, resons. i feel like this disconnect from alternia in general just sort takes away depth from beta troll characters in general?? even metorstuck content now feels shallow and disconnected??

And what sucks is that i like davekat, and people are right about them being a great pairing for working out their issues together , but at the same time i miss litteraly ever other karkat ship, i miss the days of the karkat x beta trolls harem and being able to use quadrants for him without being deemed problematic for not adheering to queer identity of a race that dosent exist and dosent effect anyone because real life has no oppressive poly romance system, and im just sick if this ship reducing the characters down to a pinterest black and red asthetic moodboard when they are so much more than that.

oh wow sorry this is too long, i dont think i did the best job at following a single line of though and went on a bit of an unnecessary tangent abt fanon and hs^2 so srry about that, I hope my general thoughts were still decipherable??

Id have to say mituna is my second favorite but i dont need to tell you whats wrong with his fanon character lol. I really appreciate all of your alpha troll analysis and you art is cool as hell!! srry that this fell into more venty teritory and for any spelling mistakes, i hope you have a good rest of your day/night!!

I say this with no disrespect at all, in fact I am enthralled: I didn’t even know asks could be this long!! Thank you for your input, I agree with you! And don’t worry- you were quite clearly comprehendible! You covered a lot of ground already, but allow me just a moment to commentate on specific points…

The bleeding of HS^2/Epilogues content/reinterpretations into the larger sphere of full-fandom fanon has been a slow, insidious process. I think the fact that most people have not taken the time to reread Homestuck proper, be it due to lack of time/energy or fear of its length, has really added to this- because a gradually slipping grip on what is and is not canon simply doesn’t pair well with rather disagreeable dubiously canon sequel content having come out fairly recently. The thing about DubCanon is that, whether you or I like it or not, people are going to apply those particular reinterpretations of the characters to what their idea of canon is, and- typically- they will fail to remember that the changes made to the characters were changes in the first place. Rather large ones, at that. This is not only how and why people are out here thinking that Jane was not only legitimate Troll-Racist in Homestuck, but also how and why they get the idea that she’s always been that way.

I’m not sure if my memory is failing me or not, but as far as I remember, while biphobia has always been a problem in the fandom- baffling, considering most characters are textually bi- it really does seem like it’s at an all-time high right now. People are adamantly refusing the idea that some characters are bisexual. Dave and Karkat are the ones I see the most regularly erased, but Jake is also pretty high up there.

The current drought of Alternia content is so sad. Earth C is great, don’t get me wrong- it’s the planet I most regularly work with/develop because of Sovereignstuck- but people oft throw out the concept of conflict when using it. Especially, like, social/political conflict. Earth C is basically synonymous with Flawless Utopia, at this point. It’s a petty complaint, sure, but I don’t like it. :(

I absolutely despise how trolls have been turned into gray humans with horns! They’re bug aliens!! Bug aliens!!! That’s so much cooler than gray humans with horns!! Fuck!!

I kinda disagree that a change of setting takes away from the Beta Trolls as characters- I think the issue isn’t the fact that there’s a setting change, it’s that the writers aren’t really willing to work with the fact that, uh… You know… The Beta Trolls have vastly different socializations and come from a vastly different cultural background than the Beta/Alpha Kids? You could very easily find conflict and development with the setting change. You’d just have to keep in mind the way that their upbringing would affect them and how they’d respond to their new environment. Old habits die hard, you know? It’s a whole new planet, a whole new myriad of cultures, and whole new societies with whole new rules and whole new customs. There’s so much intrigue you could get with that fact alone!!

I like DaveKat, too. It’s fall from grace is astounding, and it’s honestly made me like them less, which is a shame because it was pretty important to me when I was younger, and Dave and Karkat used to be top favorite characters of mine. They’re basically just… Blank slate characters now, made to slap whichever miscellaneous scenario or random romance trope onto, without any regard to what their characters are or what made their dynamic good in the first place.

It’s funny- I don’t think the Quadrant Queerness was made into a huge deal in canon or anything? At least, I don’t quite remember it being a federal fucking issue. Yeah, Karkat’s Quadrant struggles were there, but I don’t think it was really… Associated with being “Troll Gay” or anything. I’m at least 80% sure that was just something the fandom latched onto and blew out of proportion- I see more talk about Karkat being “Pan-Quadrant,” I believe the term was, than I see content of any other part of his character arc? Crying shame, too- considering, again, as you said, he’s the fucking Second Coming of Jegus.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

is everyone just... selfish? i've been trying to urge my friends to use my preferred pronouns and it backfires every time. am i expecting too much? it feels like they arent even trying. they're all cis so they'll never know what its like and i feel so alone.

(i may or may not have blocked all of them and deactivated the rest of my social media and made a playlist with people, set me free and dear my friend on loop)

(edited with follow up) Get new friends.

I'm serious. It is not that hard. You are not expecting too much. There's a difference between accidentally forgetting and being a disrespectful idiot. Cis or not, friends will take steps to remember and make the change.

If someone tells you their pronouns changed, do so promptly and without question. It took them a lot to even tell you in the first place. It's not your business what their reasons are. Doesn't matter what they look like currently or how they present themselves. Correct yourself when you make a mistake and when they correct you, apologize and remember for next time.

-

follow up:

right??? i tried talking to one of them and JESUS FUCKING CHRIST what the actual shit is wrong with them? i told them my pronouns weren't on there for like,,, fun and that i needed people to use them. and THEY LITERALLY SAID I DONT NEED PEOPLE TO ACCEPT ME??

I MEAN YALL ARE NOT JUST ANY EPOPLE???? U GUYS ARE MY friends ??

F

R

I

E

N

D

S

NOT strangers NOT someone on the fucking street.

i mean if u WANTED to excuse ur ability to not accomodate, you couldve jsut told me on the face bestie i wouldve not minded honesty.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

What the fuck is that supposed to mean, you don't need people to accept you? Oh, okay, so what if you started referring to all of them as fuckin' donkeys, and that's honestly being mean to the donkey in doing so, like shit

(I know it's childish but what in the actual FUCK)

Yeah, get new friends, these people are trash and they most certainly are NOT your friends for saying such careless, foolish things.

-

and another one! XD

considering i was abt to do stupid shit to myself when i saw the friends messages, u made me LAUGH LMAO THANK YOUU i thought i was being crazy there for a second but NO THEYRE ACTUALLY JUST NOT GOOD thank you ur awesome

You are certainly not crazy, absolutely ridiculous for someone to think they can be your friend and say something like, "you don't need people to accept you" when all it is is simply using a different word to refer to you.

That's it.

Is that so difficult?

???

[ibraddersday-blog]

20 years so far.

Hi, my name is Bradley Day. Never received a middle name, guess my parents were too lazy. It is currently 12:53pm as I write this on Friday 16th August of 2019, and to be honest I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm about to explain what I have experienced over the past 20 years frankly because, I know 2 people my age who are like me, the rest are so uptight about who they think they are on their online personas and social media reputations. so I want to find more like me.

in this post im giving you real, the embarrassing, humiliating, funny but stupid truth about my life. seems like thats the only thing that you can't really find anymore... honesty. 

I was born in basildon hospital in Essex on the 10th of November 1998, my mother is Heidi Day, my father being James Day (actual name is Jimmy but we stick to James) I have a older sister called Rebecca Day. apparently I was born with a skin condition were I didn't get enough vitamins which means I was born yellow, a little English asian baby as you will. had to be sat next to a window to get natural vitamins from the sun. but that was all cleared up as a baby and I dont remember it so not important. 

as far as I remember we were a happy family, I was a little shit for my parents but hey I didn't ask to be born. I've never said this but im very thankful for my parents, as a family we went through a few hardships and money never came easy, and no matter what my mum and dad always went out to work and make an honest living to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, people say thats a luxury and may berate us saying thats not hard, but the hard truth is, if you had to worry about where your next meal came from as a kid, your parents didn't work hard enough, and ill be dammed if I let my kids starve a day just because I go lazy for a day.

but out of this happy hardworking family it all changed when I was 4-5, my mum and dad divorced, my dad left and it was me, mum and becky in one house, my dad always tried his best to make it work for him and us. we got by it was just a couple who fell out of love, it's always bummed me out but thats life, move on. 

Thats when I met Lindsey who is now a second mother to me, I made her life hell for a lot of years and so did my sister, Linds if you ever read this im sorry, im sorry for never being the kid you wanted because you couldn't have children and wanted to take on me and becky so you could feel loved as a mother, im sorry I tested your patience every chance I got, im sorry you felt you had to buy me a brand to xbox when the disk tray on mine broke (but thank you cose it was an awesome thing to do) but for most of all, im sorry for never having the guts to admit to you in person how much you really mean to me or impacted my life, you gave me chance after chance at your work and im sorry for letting you down. now for what im thankful for. thank you for kicking me up the ass to do my homework, thank you for putting plasters all over me when I've hurt myself doing something else stupid, thank you for coming with me to the hospital when I got run over just down the road and following matt down countless alleys, thank you for letting my friends come over whenever they wanted as a place to hang out and chill and chat, thank you for not telling mum that there was a grinder in my room when I went back to living at mums, but for most of all, thank you being full of advice, thank you for the honesty you poses wether it hurt or not you were always honest with me, I hope one day I can repay you for all the things you have done for me over the 15\16 years of knowing you, I love you very much. 

school... ugh, primary okay, secondary Jesus Christ what a shit show, now im not stupid but im not smart, education is not my path Im a natural worker and always have been, don’t do suits and smiles I do hi viz clothing and “oh fuck you slag’ spent the better part of it arguing with teachers and trying to be someone im not just to fit in. I had my fair share of bullying but you take it like a man and thats it but back then I thought my world had been crushed, ridiculous I know, kids if you’re being bullied now it may not seem it but it really dont fucking matter, its school thats how it is if you dont like learn from home. now I got pretty bad at one point and made a video and put it online, about how im being bullied and how pissed and upset it Made me and so on, well the school found out and I was forced to remove it, should of just told them too fuck off but it was just hassle that I couldn't be arsed with. year 11 soon flies around and boom left with nothing... great, now college level 1 sport how fucking normal right. well sussed level 1 dropped level 2. 

now work. for the next 2 years I dosed about and went through 8 jobs... yes thats right fucking eight until one came by and that is TGIS at lakeside retail park, now it was a shit job but it taught me a lot, it taught me team work, pace, the importance of showing up for shifts, how vital I am as a cog in that machine,   it taught me how punctuality means everything, I mean I got employee of the month in my first month working there for god sake I pushed hard and getting a reward like that it really hit home, as I never really got anything like that before, I got home and cried in bed as I was so happy for that for once in my life someones recognised me for me and how hard I work, it still gets to me writing this, it means a lot to someone like me. I've since left there for a better job and found one at a container shipping company driving cranes, and I gotta say I think this Is the place I’ll make a career out of, its great pay, get great hours and there are some great guys there who I've grown to become friends with. after countless let downs in my life I’m happy to say I've found somewhere I belong and love. the people I wanna say thank you for are Lex A and Jack R, I love you boys you really pulled me through at TGIS, even though we argued a lot I still value you two a lot. 

now for my life outside of work. I have a few friends being Michael, jack, James and josh. these are the people who are like me, hard working and are making a name for themselves with the help of no-one else. we have all faced great hardships in life and really push to get what we want. but with my friends that want is wanting to get a shitty old RWD and drift it into walls for a laugh, it is pretty funny to be honest. honestly I can say these boys are like family to me they mean more to me than they know and id be there for them in a second if they need me. jack is my longest friend though, we've been friends for 15 years, we met in year 1 in primary school and never stopped since, I would go Into details but its now 1:30am and im tired. 

relationships... I can't do them. dont get me wrong I love the idea of them and would love to be in one but I simply can't do it, I can't deal with other peoples shit as well as my own as I've always dealt with mine on my own not needing someone else, and girls are weird about that shit, all emotional and shit, grow up and move on life is tough if you dont like it theres many ways out, I dont do sorrow or sympathy. but marriage scares me, it freaks me out im not even kidding, the idea of being forced by law to be in a relationship with someone and if the love dies they can take all your shit fucking scares me! who wouldn't be frightened by that! maybe one day ill get over it and take a leap of faith with someone I love but why knows ay. 

and for now right this very second. im happy with who I am, I have nice car, a good job, im single but happily, its easier and less stressful, the key to happiness is a stress free life after all. yeah I may be bit tubby and not in great shape, but im happy with myself and who I see in the mirror, because I know im going to be okay, ill work through my problems that happen in my life, and in the end ill know ill always be okay. 

to whoever is reading this. just know life is easy, the key to happiness is being okay with who you are. yeah theres always improvements that could be made, but if you got a roof over your head, working water and food on the table, you’re doing pretty good in life. just picture life as an English country lane, for the most part its gonna be rocky and bumpy with loads of big potholes but theres always the parts where the road is smooth and freshly done, just gotta keep hanging on to those moments before your turning is up on to the straight and narrow bud, keep pushing and working hard boys and girls, like I was always told “stop being a pussy and get what you want” 

probably be my only ever post here so yeah, maybe someone will read it, who knows!

[im-hiding22]

Off With The Head Again, Just Take It Off - 5:21

(Alternative title: I’m So Sorry This Is Really Long I Press Enter Too Many Times And Try To Break Up Tension With Happies Also I Promise You There Will Be Delicious Juggy Action Soon I Really Do Just Lemme Do Some More Character Setups For A Sec And We’ll Be Ready To Die by Buggy)

(Thank you again to my good friend Atari for blessing me with their son, Clive)

“Alright, everyone done?” Gene stood and collected soup bowls happily. Everyone was sitting down in a little circle in the main room, some still with blankets on. It was a bit dark, with peeps of light streaming in through the cracks in between curtains.

“We’re good,” said Skuggy, holding out his plate. “Can...can you excuse me for a moment before we get ready?” Gene collected his bowl and nodded.

“Yes, feel free, but come back quickly, okay?” His voice was calm and reassuring. Skuggy looked back to Clive, who was still holding him. Clive let go and looked a bit surprised as Skuggy hopped off and promptly made his way down the hall. Clive held out his bowl, too.

“Thank you,” he said.

Rascal was leaning back in a big blanket, hands empty of a soup bowl. “That was good, Gene. I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Yeah, Gene!” cheered Farrow.

“Oh, shush you guys,” laughed Gene, blushing a bit as he carried the bowls to the sink. “I do enjoy cooking. It’s a bit like art, really.”

“I remember you used to invite Amne and I for dinner a lot,” Buggy chuckled. “It was basically all I lived off of back then, haha. Thank god I’ve finally learned how to make cereal without burning it.”

“Y...you can burn cereal?” Rascal looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yes.” Buggy made eye contact with him, dead serious.

“Nah, he’s lying,” said Farrow. “Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“But...why?” Rascal was wide-eyed.

Clive listened onto the conversation, a bit concerned, actually. “My roommate burns noodles for fun,” he added, laughing a bit. “He runs from them every other day.”

“But...why?!” Rascal set his head in his hands.

“Hey, Rascal. Help me out with packing up the materials,” called Mendel.

“Oops, gotta go. Y’all have backpacks?” Rascal hopped off of the couch.

“I do!” Buggy raised his hand.

“Um...I have pockets?” Clive looked to him, shrugging.

“I didn’t bring shit. Sorry.” Farrow sat with his legs pulled up to his chest, scrolling his phone idly. “No signal here still? God, Samuel’s gonna be looking for me...”

“Uhhhh okay, I think...I think we might be able to fit some stuff in the backpacks, we might have to carry some rope, but that’s cool.” Rascal paced around anxiously. “Uhh, we got the stakes from the house, right?”

“I put them down by the bear traps,” said Farrow. “And a med kit, and a uh....”

“Ah! A hook? Okay, this might come to use. Climbing a tree? Grappling hook!” Rascal snapped his fingers.

“Here, since we’re going to the motel, I can empty out the backpack and put on some new clothes!” Buggy got up and hurried to Rascal. “I can leave the old stuff at the motel!”

“Okay, great,” Rascal said. “Clive, go get Skuggy, we might need some knives.”

“Oh my god I forgot to give Skuggy back his knife, he’s gonna behead me!” Buggy cried out.

“Alright, one sec!” Clive hopped up and hurried down the hall. The lights were off save for the bathroom light. Clive left a few knocks on the door. “Hey, Skug! We need you in the living room!”

“Huh?” A muffled voice sounded from the bathroom, sounding a bit light. “Uh, just tell them I’ll be out in a sec, I’m busy.”

“You good in there?” asked Clive, smooshing his face to the door. “Are you washing your hands?”

“Uh, yeah.” The sink turned on, and he could hear the sound of hands cupping under it, then coming out once again. A small splash. “Just go, Clive, I’m good.”

“...You sure?” Clive cocked an eyebrow and gently tapped the door handle. “If you need anything, I’m here, y’know.”

“I know, Clive. Go away,” he urged, a bit more serious now. The sink turned off. The sound of shuffling shoes. 

Clive blinked. He had never really been upset at him before. He felt a small sting in his chest. “...Skuggy?” He knocked again.

“What do you want?” Skuggy pulled the door open, and Clive stumbled in. Skuggy’s face was red, voice trembling slightly.

“...Were you crying?” Clive’s eyes suddenly widened, and he froze. Skuggy looked around and shut the door.

“Dude, shut up. I...like, I...” Skuggy covered his eyes with his hands, scowling in frustration. “I got a bit anxious, okay?! Just...just don’t tell anyone! I’m trying to fix i--”

“Who did it.” Clive clenched his fist and unclenched it repeatedly, face still but eyes burning with some sort of emotion Skuggy couldn’t identify at first glance.

“What? No, no, it isn’t what you think, I just...stop looking at me like that!” Skuggy’s hands trembled a bit. 

“Was it Farrow?”

“...” Skuggy looked to the side, voice caught in his throat. “...Well, y-yeah, b--”

“Hold this.” Clive held out his spatula.

“Wh..What? No, this i--”

“It’s okay, I’ve got your back. Hold my spatula.” He nudged it closer. Skuggy recognized the emotion in his eyes, and oh lord, if Death, the Horseman of the Apocalypse, could be a single emotion, it would be apt enough to be kept in this man’s eyes. He took the spatula without another word, and Clive immediately shoved open the door, kicking it with his foot as well. He stormed out, leaving a wake of pure rage in his path. 

Skuggy stood there in the bathroom, actually feeling a bit terrified. He peeked out the door, hands still a bit shaky. “Jesus Christ, what have I done,” he mumbled to himself.

Clive stepped into the living room bare-handed, expression grim. They didn’t notice--Buggy, Rascal, and Mendel were organizing supplies. Gene was washing dishes, and Farrow was constructing a few Molotovs, just in case. Clive stepped up behind him. 

“Farrow?” His voice was still characteristically light, but his face showed no lightness to it. Farrow turned, a bit bothered.

“Yeah, what do you want? I’m a bit busy.”

“You do know you’re a terrible person for hurting him, right?”

Farrow sighed and rolled his eyes, turning back to his work. “Ugh, shut up, kid. Don’t get your nose so deep in shit that isn’t your business, alright?” He topped it off with a cork stopper, nudging it in with care. “Hm...be a dear and get me a little candle, would you?”

Clive stood silently.

“...Did you hear me?” Farrow turned around. “I said get me a fucking ca--”

Clive socked him in the jaw, making him yell out in pain and fall backwards. He then leaped onto him and pulled out a knife from his coat pocket, holding Farrow down by the neck with his other arm.

“You’re the scum of the earth, you rotten little excuse of a man,” he spat. “Do you know that?” Everyone turned to look at the scene, Rascal screaming. Clive held the knife up to his throat and moved his hand a bit, measuring the force he’d need to use to puncture it. Farrow looked up at him with wide eyes, trying to shove him off. Clive lifted his knife and was about to bring it down.

“Clive! Holy shit!” Gene sprinted from the kitchen and pushed him back, grabbing Clive by the shoulders. Clive pulled away from him, yelling at Farrow and swinging around his knife. Buggy quickly ran to help out Gene, and Mendel followed. 

“CLIVE NO, WE HAVE A DEAL!” Buggy reached for Clive’s arm.

“If you two don’t stop fighting I’ll kick both of you out,” Mendel said calmly, merely standing aside and making sure nobody dies. 

Farrow kicked Clive in the chest and managed to scramble away as Gene and Buggy both managed to pry him off. 

“Get back here, you little shit!” Clive called out after him, Farrow quickly running behind Mendel and peeking out from over his shoulder. 

“Oh dear god, that guy just-- did you see that?! Mendel, he tried to fucking kill me!” Farrow looked at him with the look a girl would give to you after you spilled coffee on her new shirt. 

“Enough is enough!” Gene carried Clive off and set him back down. “Listen, Clive, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we have a deal here,” he explained quickly, holding him back from lunging back at Farrow. “As long as Farrow’s on our team, he can’t hurt us, and we can’t hurt him--”

“This dude broke the fucking deal! He-- he was right there! With a KNIFE!” Farrow yelled.

“And I would’ve beheaded you a second time too, you fucking nuisance!” Clive retorted. “You hurt my friend, you aren’t just going to get away with it!”

“Listen!” Gene shook him, frustrated. “If you don’t stop, we’re throwing you out, okay? You can’t hurt him, he can’t hurt us. Sure, he’s not a good person, but as long as he’s just helping the team complete their common goal, he’s fine! Leave him alone!”

"You dont even know what he DID to him!” Clive yelled, trying to squirm his way out. Gene held him tight.

“Listen, Clive, I do. And trust me, I wish I could do something to help but I--”

Skuggy peeked out from the hall. “...Are we all alive in here?” 

Everyone turned to face him. Clive stopped and gasped.

“Your friend tried to fucking kill me! Is this what you sent him to do, you little bastard?” Farrow snapped. “I swear to fucking god, once I get my hands on you--” Clive threw his knife at him, aiming for the head. Instead, it grazed his cheek and pinned itself into a wall. Farrow, speechless, simply put a hand to his cheek and screamed.

“Farrow, go make your bombs.” Mendel shoved him back to where he was. 

Skuggy quickly disappeared back into the hall.

Gene looked back to Clive. “You good? Are you okay now?”

Clive watched as Skuggy vanished away as the knife slammed into the wall, and snapped to his senses. “Oh. Oh gosh.” His lips quivered. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I really am--”

“I know, Clive. Just leave them be, I’ve got this under control.” Gene pat his back. “I mean, I’m a doctor of all trades, I’ve dealt with things like this all the time. You trust me, don’t you?” His voice returned to the usual calm and reassuring tone he had to him.

Clive held back a sob. “I’m so sorry. I really do! I do! But...” He choked back more sobs. “Oh god, I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

“It’s fine, really! Just...don’t pull something like that again. At least not under the deal, okay?” Gene pat his head. “It’s okay Clive, really. You’re okay. Everything’s fine. I understand why you’d protect your friend, but...keep in mind we are a team, yes?” He wiped his tears.

Clive nodded silently, sniffing. “I-Is everyone okay? Oh jeez...”

“Everyone is okay, Clive. Mendel! Go tend to Farrow, make sure he’s okay.” Mendel nodded and went to check up on him. “Everything is alright, Clive. I just need to know if you promise you won’t do that again.”

“I’ll try, I really will!” Clive insisted. “I’m so sorry, Gene...”

“No need to apologize, friend.” He pat him once more and set him down, standing up. “If you need anything else, I’ve got you. For now, is it okay if you help Rascal over there? He seems a bit distressed. I need to help your friend.” Clive looked over to Rascal, who was frantically organizing as if his life depended on it.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” He looked back to Gene. “T-Thanks, Gene...” Gene smiled and ruffled his hair. 

“I’m trusting you, Clive. I’m gonna deal with these two, you guys go finish packing. Oz is waiting, and you all know the sun isn’t gonna wait for us!” Gene led his own way through the room, disappearing into the darkness of the hall, leaving everyone a little bit more calm than they were before as he passed.

“...The fuck was that?” Farrow said, finally sitting back down to finish his Molotovs.

Rascal was holding back for a bit, but finally said something. “Farrow I think you just got your sorry ass beat.”

“He did,” agreed Mendel.

“Mendel, you’re supposed to be on my side!” Farrow gasped. Rascal laughed, Mendel only smirking.

“It is just a joke, Farrow.”

“Wait a minute. Who cares about whatever the hell happened, Mendel just made a joke.” Farrow’s head perked up. Clive gasped a bit, actually genuinely surprised.

Mendel stifled a little laugh. 

-

“Are you okay?” Gene reached out to Skuggy, who was sitting down in a corner of the hall.

“I’m good.”

“You sure? Most don’t sit alone in a hall if they’re happy and fine, y’know.” He sat down next to him.

Skuggy didn’t speak.

“Listen Skuggy, I know it’s hard. I promise I won’t force you to interact with Farrow at all, if you’d like. He really isn’t going to hurt you, I won’t let him.” Gene looked to him with kind eyes. “I promise, over my dead body he won’t set a hand on you.”

Skuggy shuffled a bit, tucking his chin in between his arms that lay on his knees. “I know we’re a hassle. I wish I weren’t such a fucking pussy.” He looked away.

“You aren’t, it’s understandable you have a...disliking to him. It’s like me and werewolves, isn’t it? Something terrible happens to us, directly caused by that person, and you can’t even stand being near them, thinking about them, much less having to interact with one.” He hovered a hand over his shoulder. “May I?”

Skuggy nodded. Gene placed his arm on his shoulder and squeezed him slightly. 

“But I’ll keep you two apart. He can’t do anything to you, he won’t even be able to say anything to you if you want me to ask him as well. It’s just that...it’s safer, to have two medics. What if my hands are full?” Gene looked down. “Other than that, I don’t see much use in keeping him around, if I were to be truly honest.” He looked back to Skuggy, who’s expression hadn’t changed. “...Does he still scare you? I won’t tell a soul.” 

Skuggy hesitated before gently nodding. “He’s gonna get all of us killed, Gene. I know he will. It’s just in him.”

“Skuggy, look at me.” He did so. “I won’t let him. Let me repeat--the day he hurts any of you is the day his life ends on this Earth, Understand?”

“He’s smart, Gene. He can act nice, but...” he trailed off.

“I won’t let him fool me. I can see past his lies.” Gene tilted his head. “I’ve been a doctor for many different people, Buggy. I have seen many different lies, many different masks, been told so many cover-ups and have been straight up back-stabbed by my own patients. Over the years, I’ve learned.” He nodded gently to Skuggy. “Trust me when I say, he isn’t very good at covering up his own lies.”

“Okay, but still, that won’t stop him from fucking killing me when we get home.” Skuggy laid his head in his arms. “I’ve said such dumb shit, I should’ve known better. I’m such a fucking dumbass.”

“You’ll be fine. If you want me to, I can go with you and walk you back home.”

“No, Gene, that’s a hassle, and don’t say it isn’t.”

“Helping someone else stay safe isn’t a hassle to me.” Gene ruffled his hair. “Come on, bug. I can talk to him, if you’d like me to--”

“Don’t,” Skuggy urged. “Thanks Gene, really, but...don’t tell him anything, please.”

“May I just ask him to leave you alone?”

“...Fine.”

Gene tapped his back. When Skuggy turned to look, he was holding out his arms for a hug. Skuggy felt a lump in his throat.

He crawled over to him and melted into his arms, Gene holding him close. “It’ll be okay, friend. It’ll all be alright. You’re safe.” Skuggy felt tears spilling onto Gene’s shoulder, but Gene just pat his back and nodded.

“It’s okay, my friend. Let it all out. We’ll try again with the packing up once we’re ready. But we must hurry. The Juggernaut isn’t very patient.”

[radmarvels]

five times eddie said “i love you too” and the one time he couldn't ( pt. 1 )

I.

richie tozier and eddie kaspbrak are a dynamic duo. a friendship dynamic duo. richie wants to change that, well... the friendship part.

richie forced stanley to help him create a plan to confess to eds.

"i hate you deeply but i want you happy."

"love you too stanny!"

stan told richie that he should take eddie to see a movie at the aladdin.

"who's paying for that?"

"you dipshit!"

richie had dug all around his dirty house to find any sort of money to use for this little date. luckily he had found twenty bucks. thank god!

now the hard part comes. doing the actual act of asking eddie kaspbrak, poor germaphobic eddie.

richie jumped on his rusty bike, peddling faster than he ever has in his life. the sky hadn't gotten completely dark yet, with it being only 6:37pm. the streets were quiet. well. besides richies harsh breathing.

"call me eddie spaghetti!" he thought to himself as he wheezed going up the last steep hill to get the short boy.

richie jumped off his bike running to the door, knocking too many times to deem appropriate.

"eddie! go get the door!" the sweet (disgusting) sound of ms. kaspbraks voice was heard through the window. richies heart was beating rapidly in his chest. he was thinking of all the horrible possibilities. what if he says no? what if he laughs in his face?

"richie you look like you just ran a fucking marathon? are you okay?" eddies concerned laced voice floated through richies ears.

"you have to go to the movies with me, or...or", richie struggled with his words, "i'll tell bill that you had a crush on him in first grade." richie visibly winced when eddies opened wider than he even thought was possible.

"what the fuck richie? if you wanted to go to the movies you could have simply asked. i would go with you." eddie huffed out, rolling his eyes.

"just let me get dressed first."

richie absolutely did not think this far ahead. when eddie asked what movie they were seeing his mind literally collapsed. the movie didn't matter that much anyways. the confession was more important. so richie picked the first movie in his sights then grabbed eddies wrist, dragging him in (with lots of protest).

"let go of me jackass i can walk perfectly fine! have you even washed your hands? you're disgusting, set me free."

when they finally got seated in the theater eddie looked sideways at richie. richie looked like he had seen a ghost for christ sake! his face was pale, red cheeks, fidgety eyes, and shaky hands.

"richie, tell me the truth. what's wrong? you've been acting super fucking weird these past couple da-"

"i like you and i don't know how to tell you. i like you, like a l-lot and i don't know how to express this and i tried to plan a whole a date but i kinda dragged you out here with me and i'm sorry but yeah."

richie opened his eyes facing eddie after interrupting him. eddies face was as red as his signature shorts. his lips parted in complete shock.

"s-shit man you...for someone who says they cant express it, you sure did express it." eddie said with a voice crack.

"i like you too."

richie swears to this day that his neck snapped when he looked up at eddie.

"well...i love you." richie stated as if it were a competition.

"i love you too."

they looked at each other and started laughing. the old people in the front 'shushing' them but they didn't care. richie got what he wanted and that's all he really cared about.

they were 13.

II.

richie tozier and his boyfriend of two years are now 15, and in their sophomore year. they matured in different ways.

richies face matured. he had cheekbones now, still as skinny as ever. he got rid of his giant, dirty glasses too. still made inappropriate jokes at unnecessary times.

eddie kaspbrak did not grow an inch. still 5ft and stuck. his voice did not change either. sure he was sad about this, but richie still loved him so why should it matter. he stopped wearing his red shorts (richie is deeply wounded), and wears skinny jeans. he rarely wears his own shirts, they always belong to either mike or richie. the two people he's closest with.

eddie, currently in pre-ap english, was tapping his pen against the table making that unbearable 'tap tap tap' noise. he wanted to leave the class before james even attempts to talk to him. james is like richie but ten times more annoying and not as cute. he always bothers eddie and eddie is NOT here for it at all.

the bell finally rung and eddie took as large of steps as he could with his small legs before, sadly,  james grabbed his arm.

"my eddie! how ya' been dude. it's like you're avoiding me."

"because i am dipshit, let me go." eddie practically growled, ripping his arm out of james hand and swiftly turning around.

eddie stomped out of school pissed. "what the fuck is wrong with james!" eddie thought to himself as he approached his friends.

"damn eddie! you look pissed. what's wrong dude?" beverly asked concerned.

"james wont leave me alone and i dont know why! i yell at him and i call him shitty names but he refuses to let me breathe!" eddie said all in one breath.

"who's james?" richie asked giving his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. eddie instantly melted.

"a dipshit."

"i'll beat him up for you!"

"oh hush loser." eddie rolled his eyes. richie? beating someone up? funny.

"i will do it because i love you eddie spaghetti! i will fight for your honor!" richie said in a shitty accent from god knows where.

and that phrase always makes eddies heart a little happier. i love you. three simple words followed by four simple words from eddie.

"i love you too and don't call me that."

—

hey guys, this was in my wattpad drafts so i was like “maybe i should just post it on tumblr.”. so here i am hello. don’t hate me for this, i know it’s bad.

[themissingmissionary]

These two women would have witnessed, first hand, the events of the Khmer Rouge. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  This particular post is a plea for prayer. You see, I am giving my life away by stepping into a missionary position that will start with a discipleship training school. After DTS, I plan to stay in Cambodia either on staff with YWAM or teaching English to support myself and volunteering in schools and churches in the area. What happens after my 6 month DTS is up to God. I want to lay out some particular prayer request that I have at this point but first, I want to tell you about Cambodia and YWAM. 

Cambodia is located geographically in the Southeast of Asia and is surrounded by Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand. 40 years ago, Cambodia came out of a genocide which killed millions of people including teachers, doctors, children, and anyone deemed “smart.” The goal of the Khmer Rouge regime was to make everyone equal and exactly the same.  In 1990, Christians were allowed to worship freely and openly even to the point of registering with the government. As of now, Cambodia is in a unique position to hear the Gospel, and YWAM Battambang is poised to send Cambodians throughout Southeast Asia to share the love of Jesus to all who will listen.

  In 2006, YWAM started a branch of University of the Nations in Battambang.

 “Youth With A Mission is an international volunteer movement of Christians from many backgrounds, cultures and Christian traditions, dedicated to serving Jesus throughout the world. Also known as YWAM (pronounced “WHY-wham”), our purpose is simply to know God and to make Him known.”

 YWAM Battambang is responsible for many services offered to Cambodians including Discipleship Training Classes, School of Biblical Studies, Jeevit’s House (a ministry that finds sponsorship and cares for children with the AIDS virus as well as educating the public about AIDS. People with AIDS in Cambodia are often neglected and ignored.)  YWAM Battambang also has a Youth Development Center which teaches English, life skills, and good character to equip Cambodian students for a better future. Another part of the vision of YWAM Cambodia is to raise up Cambodians who can go into countries that are closed to the gospel such as Loas and Vietnam. Often times they can start underground churches and no one suspects anything. 

 “Founded upon biblical principles, the University of the Nations (U of N) fulfills its commitment to Christ and His Great Commission by equipping men and women spiritually, culturally, intellectually, and professionally, and inspiring them to use their God-given abilities to communicate and demonstrate the gospel in all nations.”

 My journey begins with Discipleship Training School. (DTS)

 “The core of YWAM-DTS is to Know God & Make Him Known. The training begins with a 3 month Lecture Phase which is focused on personal application. We are not simply amassing head-knowledge—we are applying truth through community living, discipleship topics, daily service, worship, evangelism, and prayer. The Lecture Phase is followed by a two month frontier missions outreach where we respond to God’s call to ‘Go into all the world and disciple all nations’ (Matt. 28:19). YWAM-DTS is the entry-level course to missions with YWAM and provides you with an open door to countless missions opportunities and further training in Youth with a Mission.”

 Through DTS, I believe that my life will be changed and that I will be fully trained and equipped to change the world around me. Within YWAM, I have the opportunity to use the many skills and talents I’ve developed throughout the years to serve the YWAM base and to serve Cambodia.  

Prayer request: 

-Funding- like any ministry, there is no income and no profit so I will need ongoing support financially. 

-Prayer against discouragement. This is going to be hard. It already is proving to be difficult and I get discouraged daily. 

-Prayer against selfishness. I’ll be honest, I can be a selfish dude...but I dont want to be so I desperately need God to change that in me. 

-Prayer for spiritual growth and discipline. Lots of flaws. No discipline. Need to change. Simple as that. 

-Prayer for physical healing and getting in shape. I need to lose weight and get in shape. Part of that comes with discipline. The base has a gym. My friend, Dom, runs it and with his help, I can get in shape. 

-Prayer for my family. After moving back to Louisiana 10ish months ago, I have gotten closer to my family. In fact, I have never been closer to them and leaving them is going to sting. Like any good family, they need some prayer as well. 

I think that’s about it for now. I will update this post if I think of anything else. 

Thanks for reading. 

[skyquack-blog]

I am in such a bad mood you guy's A survivor story WiLL FolloW Legit this is a story of triumph and survival... Please read this. If i ever post anything important THIS is it so please for me read this!! This is my story and its pretty amazing. :'( Here i want all ya'll judging me right now to read this and think about it for a moment okay... This is what i wish would happen to you ass holes who cant keep you fucking opnions and scruteny to yourself... Okay!! Go back in time and be essentially a "shut in" with no actual friends to hang out with or talk to mostly because your suffering from certin aspects of schizophrenia that you as well as your family arent aware of... so here we are living under a rock way more quiet than the average human being dealing with weird ass issues like hearing voices and feeling like people can hear your thoughts and feel your emptional states so as a result you shut up and keep to yourself all the time... Then for the first time ever since ever you move to town and get yourself a friend who is mind you border line psychotic but she likes you and shes fun... now 6 months of this and suddenly BOOM your pregnant at 17... your baby daddy dont wanna hang around dont seem to give a fuck bout you even tho he does ect... Spend the next 2 years of your life fighting hard core yelling matches breaking things in a desperate ploy to get your baby daddy to fucking come home... Fight like this hard every day damn near for 2 fucking years b4 you finally give up... Then at 20 i want you to be the single mom of 2 children work every day pay all your own bills take care of and try to raise 2 kids all the while looking back on your bad relationship trying to find a new better more loving and equal partner ship (as a parent so young mind you your only 20)... and now here is for the fun part... Your 22 years old now and you found your self a psychopath... yup full on crazy ass mother fucking manipulative beyond your wildest understanding of manipulation im talking weird mk ultra shit going on and you fall head over heels in love... Great things are stupid as fuck by now but hey your in love who care right??? Well they get even dumber for some unknown reason to you still to this day your kids dad and his family decide to rip your 3 year olkd son away from you and your in a state of total SHOCK and cant seem to even think............ Cant even think........... Your still in shock....... Your son is gone. SEVERAL MONTHS PASS B4 your even allowed to talk to him........ your 3 year old son.... its just you the baby and the psychopath and daily texts from your BFF..... You finally push loosing physical custody and not being abel to have ANY contact with your son of which YOU HAVE COMPLETLY TAKEN CARE OF AND RAISED BY YOUR FUCKING SLEF so deep down insode of you it hurts even to simply think about him but now you get to visit CAUTIOUSLY btw.... Are we done yet??? NOPE!!! Alrigh well now your 23 god damn years old you survived a horrible relationship screaming and fighting, having your 3 year old son ripped away from you DATING A PSYCHOPATH (which has its own uneik set of fucking issues btw like rejection on a constant basis as well as being manipulated into self destruction yourself as well as your life without knowing your doing it) Dating a psychopath.... LOOK IT UP and suddenly out of no fucking ware you go through one of THE MOST INTENSE ONSETS OF SCHIZOPHRENIA most people and doctors could imagine happening to somebody... I mean normally people notice little symptoms like hearing voices and shit... Its already a rare brain disorder but its even less frequent for somebody to go through a full blown psychosis... Thats you... That 1 in 1million out of a billion going through a psychosis RAISING 2 CHILDREN IN LOVE WITH A PSYCHOPATH MENDING A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH THERE CONTROLLING ANGRY FATHER ECT... EVERYONE THINKS YOUR HIGH ON DRUGS AND YOUR NOT.... Also not only are you experiencing this intense onset but your BFF ditches you cuz shes a huge attention whore bitch and suddenly you actually need her to be there ONLY for you and she just cant have that in her life so now your alone in the world... AGAIN!! For several years actually... You spend years recovering yourself your personality your ability to properly communicat eand associate or identify with yourself and the world around you because yeah the onset was that bad... Your relearnign and TEACHING YOURSELF how to human agin (nobody knows nobody gives a fuck) it was bad people... really really bad!!! Okay cool you think you have been through enough so quickly right i mean like within a 3 or 4 year time span you've encountered the worst of the worst for the most part loosing your son giving up week days with you daughter DATING A PSYCHOPATH that stupid relationship that was hugely stressful Did i mention that you were working full time paying all yo bills on yo own taking care of yo kiddow by yourself living essentially completly isolated at least 20 minutes to half an hour away from EVERYBODY you know you indapendent as fuck b4 this onset... SOBER dont even drink!! Your good to go... like good to fucking go... But no during this onset you loose your JOB ($10 an hour mind you that you were bad ass at and loved and ready to retire from) you loose your car you loose your house (for the better part of owning a home you cant live in it anymore) you LOOSE YOUR GOD DAMN MIND LITERALLY its gone schizo psychosis took it from you and held you captive no joke... your insane... considering your an adult now and not a child and your less susceptable to things you should be done by now right... NOPE so your by this point LONELY as fuck and kind of clueless cuz why has life been so hard for me man like i didnt intentionally fuck shit up for myself you know... i really honestly didnt... and you have a new outlook on things which is kind of really uneik considering how things have gone for you, your boundaries thanks to the schizo are all fucked up and off but you have managed to like regain certin aspects of your personality enough to feel strong and confident and your head on going itno life full force with hope and determination you got a year and a half of university under your belt ect... your not done... Your addicted to meth right now... yup whole heartedly consuming the shit out of one of the worst drugs IN THE WORLD right now... You know your addicted (your 26 btw) and your doing your absoulte best to quit (have i mentioned thanks to the schizo you pretty much went a year without physical custody of your other kiddo just so you could actually manage that year and a half in college which killed you every singel day to be away from her so that was hard) well even though your really trying to stop like really trying so hard you call 911 one night and ask an officer for help... okay cool your like a fucking METH ADDICT HERO by all tweeker standards lolz Well you go to some friends for help and instead of keeping it in the family they call DFS and even though you have done EVERYTIHG in your power INCLUDING giving you kiddow to friends of the family to look after while you go to rehab ect... yeah now you actually legally lost custody of your kid... The light of your life is gone... YOU ARE ALONE IN THE WORLD NOW... (both your fucking kids have been taken from you OMFG your entire life has been built arounf being a fuckin parent and now your nothing but a drug addict... they say time dont matter but dang a year on meth and my ENTIRE LIFE DISSAPEARED BEFORE MY EYES) you have nobody and nothing to look forward to on a dily baisis now... what do you do though?? By now youd think with all you been through how lonely you are how much of yourself and your life and the people you love that you have lost youd sink into a full blown life destroying meth addction... NOPE you actually get clean... YOU GOT SOBER OFF METH OF ALL DRUGS against all the odds set before you YOU GOT CLEAN (does anybody care nope) god i mean your not a success story at all by now. Not only have you survived being a single mom at such a young age as well as survived an tramatizing schizophreina onset loosing both of your kids and got away from a PSYCHOPATH but now you have survived a fucking meth addiction... JESUS CHRIST YOUR AN INSPIRATION do people think this about you??? NO not at all... your a looser fuck up crazy weirdo... damn and you thought you were doing good... nope... not yet... All you had through all of this was your mom. figures the strongest person you know is your fucking mom. Like nobody has survived as much shit as your mom accept you by this point. Sooo thanks mom for always being there when i needed you the most.. okay cool so here we are 7 fucking years later things have chilled out FINALLY for sure you got this after all that bull shit your pretty much back to normal and you got shit under control... K well i want you to look around and realize that nobody gives a shit... Your a LEGIT survivor and not one fucking person (welp accept oyur mom cuz shes the only one who really knows) gives a shit and people are constantly judging you thinkning you should have a job and be trying harder at life ect... You not doing the mom thing well enough your not doing the stay at home wife thing well enough your not being a productive member of society ect... Go through all that stereotypical DIFFICULT and CHALLENGING as well as RARE INSANITY and loss and then well and then place yourself under as much scrutiny as you can possibly imagin... Look around and realize that all the people in your life (beside maybe your mom) think your a puriah of the system cuz your living off a dissability check (a whopping $500 a month) a crazy weirdo your nothing but an insane weirdo looser lazy person... The only way anyobody will ever have any respect for you is if you get a pathetic $8 an hour job and pull yourself away from life as you know it now and work like the rest of humanity... GET A FUCKING JOB AND BE A BETTER PARENT BECAUSE YOUR A POS int he eyes of a lot of people close to you... CLEAN YOUR FUCKING KITCHEN AND COOK 9 course meals every single day... Your a looser I feel like dying right now... No joke :/ Im having a really bad fucking day~!!!!! Somebody mail me a fucking gold star okay!!