#i dont know im like working myself into a bigger and bigger hole with this whole thing every time i ignore a call

[aropride]

i need to listen to some voicemails but i am scared :(

[iressails]

Bayliss is looking extremely bad post shooting of homeless man. Eat his gun bad. He's unmoored without Frank, without his stabilitising influence, without his framing of his world in primary colours. All of Bayliss's stuff about being true to all the parts of himself, trying to reconcile his profession with his sexuality and spirituality and being left with just the former because when it came down to it he fired his gun and killed a man.

He's deleted his website, deleted parts of himself for his job, and I don't know if he has much left. Not with Frank being gone. (Where even if Frank? Did he ditch Bayliss after he left the department? He must have.)

I noticed he had a bit about surviving child abuse on his website, it seems it was ignored/shut down too so he's pushed that back down. Again? Same thing his father did, denied and voiceless again. JFC this is so depressing.

[demuredociledoll]

kitty's bimbo bucket list

Use these to break me

soooooo i'm a tgirly who's been on hrt a long time now, i have great tits and great ass and my brain is Way fuzzier but like. i want more. i wanna be like the cool girls i see on who are just completley ultrafeminine. i wanna be the perfect boys girl. im like. might to be a bimbo tradwife. i wanna be that so bad. ive also like. been doing the bambi 20 day challenge and its like. making me realise i neeed to make these changes lol

so i thought id like. make a list of things i need to do to be the girl of my dreams i see girls with lots of fun lists where they like say "at 10 reblogs i'll do this and i kinda like. wanna arrange this like one of those eventually (if you see a bimbofication step-by-step around PLease send it to me!! i love doing what rules say). reeeeeeeally reeally reeally open to feedback and other things to include on this list.

Bimbofying my looks

so this bits like. ways i want to look prettier :)

Nails always varnished: i think this might be the most easy for me to do as i spend a lot of time painting my nails anyway, but i wanna make like a pledge to make sure my nails are Never left unpainted. i think this would be a good place to start on this

Makeup every day - i used to wear makeup every day before covid and i reeeeeeeeeally wanna get back into the swing of it. i only do it like, maybe like once every few months which just Sucks. especially when i look so pretty doing it. so i wanna like get back into a position where i do my go to routine (foundation+eye shadow+eye liner+lipstick+lip liner) at least once a month, then at least once a week, then at least every day i'm not working, then at least every day i dont have like, a work video call, then every day.

Dyeing my hair: i reeeeeeeeally wanna dye my hair but im so scared of losing my natural colour. so im thinking of like, starting Blonde frosted tips as a start, before working up to being a totally bleach blonde

Get rid of trousers and only wear skirts: girls literally shouldnt wear trousers. it literally should be illegal. i wanna like. slowly get to a point where i only wear skirts. skirts make it easy for boys to access my holes :) but actually having said that. boys really like tight clothes. so i should keep wearing ultra tight. i also need to really increase my lingerie and sexy clothes collecshon :)

Lip fillers!! I reeeeeeeeeally wanna get lip fillers but i know its gonna be a big step to get there. i wanna do everythign i can to make my lips bigger naturally in the meantime. i think i wanna get lip fillers first before i think about. bigger tits. i reeeeeeeally want srs so bad but like., thats the goverments problem

getting bgiger: im like sooooo thin at the moment, and i neeeeeeed to get bigger tits and a bigger belly to make me more grabbable and wobbly. its a little diffcult because ive got like. lots of tummy issues. but i wanna slowly scale up my food intake. ive been eating lots of ice cream but i wanna like. follow a proper plan for biggerising myself feedee style

brain feminisation and IQ reduction

sooooo this sections like. ways to girlify my brain and make sure i just think girl thoughts

im alreayd doing good on hypnos with the bambi challenge (which is going soooooo well!! im learning sosososooso much :) ). but like. i wanna keep listening to hypnos moer

staying in my place; i'm already Really good at this. doing the cooking, cleaning, housekeeping, serving men in every way i can i am already 100% that. i stepped back from a job recently so ill have even more time to do that and i can't Wait.

knowing my place: despite this i clearly like, have a tonne of feminist baggage from my old self i really need to get rid of. i need to like. have my opinions broken and like, have like the gender politics of a conservative American housewife drilled into me. i wanna genuinely believe that women should stay in the kitchen and women shouldnt work and shoudl just serve men (smart boys please please please fix me!!!). i want pro-patriarhcy to be like. my mission in life. im thinking of like. writing lots of good girl essays on tumblr to try and fix my brain lol

dumming down my writing and speaking: likeee i think im already making good practice on this, ive been workiing on a lot lately. im trying to like. not use words longer than two soundy things, like short words, with the only ones allowed being like. sexy words. and mispeling them when i cant use any other words that are small. and using the wrong words and to like get rid of capital letters apostroches. i think im getting there on this. i also need to dumb down my speaking but honestly like im already there with that, i always say words wrong and everyone makes so much fun of me for it, it turns me a lot when people make fun of me for saying words wrong lol :)

girlify my music tastes: i reeeeeeally need to get into some girlier music. i really want to. currently i dont really have much of a music taste, i mostly just listen to synthy tunes and stuff which are easy to listen to while doing worky things. however, like ive tried listening to more popular stuff like taylor swift and the brat album and its like, okay, but its like not my thing lol. I used to be suuuuuuper into paramore but im like, aware thats a more like punchy girl band and im like not that lol. update im gonna work these into my daily music playlists!!

girlify my media intake and hobbies: currently i listen to a lot of boy stuff inherited from my old self, like ww2 books and podcasts which are...boring lol. i dont want learn things like that anymore. i wannna watch more stuff thats for girls, but im not really too sure where to begin? ive tried like, reading girleir magazines like Good Housekeeping and the like but it doesnt like. completely engage me lol

taking cock and being a good sexdoll

this section is like. ways i wanna be a better fuckdoll :)

m already like. so good at blowjobs. i absoltuely adore blowjobs. i dont think theres anything i need to improve here. i already deep throat, swallow every time. id like to take more facials though :)

but i neeeeeed to get better with my other hole. again i used to ride my dildo all the time prepandemic but ive fallen out the habit, its like my makeup i only really play on veyr special ocassions

increase my toy collecshun: my toys are not in as good condition as they used to be and i want like. good ones. i need to like. make a good purchase of some good quality toys for assfucking. i already have some good buttplugs :)

get good at getting my ass fucked: im thinking of like. mirroring what i did with my makeup here. like go from wearing my buttplug for a long period at least once a month, once a week, when im not working...etc. and likewise wiht my dildo. aggain its hard because i have a lot of tummy and bottom issues.

Only cum with permisson: this is so important. girls literally should not control their cumming. it should literally be against the law. im thinking of listening to cals curse some more to like. make that a hard and fast rule lol

so like!! this is what i kind think of right now. but i really wanna like. learn more from others and think. thank you!!!!!!!!

[twistedastrology]

hi. yap to me. about your chart. and tell me what you think about other placements PLEASE!!

god bless u omg ok lemme break it down 4 u

why im built like that: a yapping session abt my own chart

ok so firts things first we gotta go thru my absolute pride and joy- this is the placement that when i discovered it in my baby astrologer era i was like Omg thats so cool what-

we got mars and saturn in my 1st house ur honor (unless in whole sign houses in which case saturn is in my 2nd 💔)

i always loved saturn as a planet before i got into astrology n then i came 2 love it even more and this bad boy in my 1st house is why i am so petrified of losing who i am!!!! and my mars i think just makes me very energetic and driven tbh amongst many other things

ofc these 2 are largely responsible for a lot in my chart but that's the basics of what they do-

SECOND THING'S SEOCNDN-

my other pride and joy, my mercury in gemini 💞💞💞💞

i love mercury SO much and despite it largely being the reason for my adhd, it absolutely dominates my chart (along with my outer planets) and is so powerful that it colors my sun more gemini than taurus (especially since i literally dont have any other earth placement except for my lilith in virgo- im all water/fire/air 🙏🙏)

in whole sign houses it would be also be in my 12th house which makes so much sense for me bc i will psychoanalyze Everyone to an ungodly degree because i love learning how people fundamentally work and how things influence them- this and my jupiter in scorpio + moon/neptune in my 8th house is the reason for my love of psychology-

THIRD THISNGS THIRD-

my outer planets 🥰🥰🥰🥰

i was born in the pre shadow period of uranus retrograde btw so while i strongly feel the effects of it being in pisces, i also feel the effects of if it was in my 8th house-

uranus and neptune are both direct in my chart and they're also in mutual reception so they have a LOOOOOT of power in my chart especially if u read my neptune post where i said neptune actually rules cancer (and the moon rules pisces) bc then neptune is given more power via my cancer rising-

my pluto is actually In retrograde so i often have to read pluto in 5th house stuff bc i feel it way more than pluto in 6th house stuff- and like i said in my jupiter post that got fucking obliterated by god for some reason, my pluto is actually conjunct Sagittarius A* (the galaxy's black hole) with only a difference of 51 minutes, and it's in mutual reception with my jupiter in scorpio so there's a lOT going on there 💔💔💔

that pluto tho and probably jupiter too tbh is why whenever im doing something creative whether it be editing or writing or one of the other 5 billion things i do, i usually feel like i turn into some sort of conduit for something WAY bigger than myself and all my cancer energy amplifies it and makes whatever i do also have a very cathartic property to it!!!

4TH THSINSGS FORUTH

since ive been super into astrology ive also looked at my mom's chart like 1 billion times and mine too and what i find fascinating is that she's a capricorn rising and i have saturn in my 1st house, and she has mars in cancer and venus in aries just like i do, but her mars is conjunct her descendant line just like mine is conjunct my ascendant line-

she's also saturn ruled as hell but she's an aries sun/mercury and u would THINK we would hate each other but no we literally have an unbreakable bond- i know the usual idea of like a capricorn mom vs a cancer child is Not Great but her and i make me wonder otherwise 😭😭😭

5YH THINGS FIFTH-

i have some extremely slay aspects ur honor- I like 2 think anyway-

my fav aspects i have are:

- mercury sextile saturn

- uranus trine ascendant

- sun conjunct mercury

and despite it being a hard aspect and a hard 10° orbit aspect,

- sun square neptune

even tho it's within 10° i still feel a Looot of influence from that one- i am a little delusional sometimes but my saturn in 1st does a good job of maintaining it and bringing me down to earth, but in my astrologer's handbook (my fav book 💔💔) it says, and i quote, "a well developed mercury and saturn will do much to offset the negative effects of this square" and i have both of those ur honor God bless holy shit id be off my FUCK without those 2 planets-

but then it continues and says "very often peculiar emotional desires and romantic tendencies are indicated, which can range from platonic love to the most morbid and debased physical type of sensuality." which THAT part i feel immensely- Nobody should ever look in my brain please 4 the love of god for ur sake n mine dont do it thwnk u-

But that's also probably bc i got the pluto influence right bc my neptune is in my 8th house- which btw im p sure pluto is exalted in Aquarius but i can get into that in another post probably-

6TH THSINGS SSIXTH

my uranus trine ascendant also loves to make me weird as fuck- i am a very peculiar individual and my mercury in an aries degree of Gemini also makes me yap Constantly bro i am the yapatron 5000- that (and my chiron in aquarius 💔) is why i have like a whole 1 friend that genuinely appreciates my yapping- him and my mom (my mom and i yap together tho HAHAHA)

my chiron in aquarius tho hit fucking Hard when i was a wee lad and still kinda does but im workin on it ur honor- i just never felt accepted and never Was accepted in friend groups and stuff and it was only until i started going with my north node in aries that i started actually being able to socialize and stuff- bc i legitimately thought "fuck it im just gonna be weird as fuck and whoever likes me for it will like me for Me and not some dumb shit-"

basically weeding out the losers fr-

7TH THINGSS SEVENETH-

btw i hope everytime anyone has read the 1ST THINGS 1ST or whatever they read it in the tone of believer by imagine dragons like that one tiktok audio of like "1st thing's 1st!!!! 2nd thing's 3rd!!! First seocnd third thing's third???" ANAYYWAY-

if u read my cancers n rage post too ull know where im comin from w/this but my cancer rising + mars in cancer gives me this unfathomable rage that legitimately makes my blood feel like it's physically boiling, my heart starts pounding and i get SO shaky- that's only when im super pissed But with the mars energy i literally have to get it out via moshing 2 korn DUDE HAHAHHAHAAH OMG THAT REMINDS ME-

speaking of!!!! i was strugglin real bad like a couple weeks ago now right and i put my earbuds in and listened to chi and to this D A Y. i cannot listen to that song without getting that ungodly rage dude it's diabolical But i literally lost my shit so hard that day i think had i been standing and not doubled over on the floor for my own safety, i woulda broken my knee again (another story i have 🥰🥰)

i did howveer almost fuck up my nose by slamming my face into the floor a little But we're good!!!!! i get very physical 💔 i have so many injuries ive given myself bc of that insane amount of energy i have i could make a list dude it's devious-

God bless u jonathan davis 😭😭😭😭💞💞💞

genuinely tho i aint ever heard more honest 2 god screams that spoke to me THAT much like god DAMN

ANYWAY im silly my bad guys-

8TH THSING'S 8TH-

i tHIK that's it- i could probably go into more detail abt specific things but this is like an overview SO 🙏🙏🙏

thank u for readig my yapping sesison UHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[gothmods]

Mega tmi below the cut (sex stuff again)

Well.

I think i can definitely conclude that while i do have a lot of sexuality baggage from yknow christian upbringing cisheteronormative society etc etc and i still think i have a low sex drive and am not very sensitive down there at least to my own touch and still resent the universe for denying me a dick

I can conclude that i am not asexual. The decade long quest for answers reaches some type of end.

I feel good. Yes in that a weight has now been lifted but more that this is one of like, less than a handful of times getting off has felt good, has been something i enjoyed.

All things considered its a mild enjoyment, it was fun but not earth-shatteringly brilliant. But i think it would be more fun with a partner, which like will probably still not be life changing or anything...

And yet that kinda is why its life changing for me. Years of all this anxiety and self harm and its like, its like ive been standing stuck on the doorstep for so long and the doors started to look bigger and heavier but now they are finally open and i can just. Let go? just sit with sex and sexuality as just another part of [my] life.

I liked it, i want to do it again. This is the first time ive been able to feel that way.

Moving on to less emotional notes

- douching, not as much work as you would think. Ive worked out how my body usually is so its a matter of scheduling but the actual prep was straightforward.

- vibrators are a godsend. Still figuring out what feels best but defs beats the hand by a long shot.

- arms and limbs are awkward. Multitasking very hard, suddenly very much understand the appeal of the suction cup dildo. Towel is very good idea also because lube can and does get everywhere.

- have definitely decided i like anal though. Its fun, reminds me a bit of the gentle burn you get from doing muscle based workouts. But without the pain of doing muscle based workouts.

- i like how i feel afterwards too. Front hole stuff has never felt good to me but also would give me abdominal cramping afterwards :/ i dont remember if that was the case pre-t but its never felt good during anyway so

- clean up is a pain. Wish i had my own bathroom. Picture if you will a guy carrying two different glass toys, a wand vibrator, an enema and a bottle of sex toy cleaner through the yard at night and then having to open multiple doors to get to the bathroom all while trying to be quiet enough to not wake his grandmother up (granny flat bathroom is only accessible via the bedroom 😬)

So yeah probably not something i will be doing often unless there comes another time i get the house to myself for a week or something.

Nonetheless excited to keep trying things.

I feel kinda embarrassed writing all this but the thing is i am 24 and having to learn these things for the first time and thats okay. But also i think the past decade and my relationship with sexuality would have been a lot easier to navigate if i had known anyone with similar experiences. I mean i know a lot of people had similar upbringings to me and we all live in a society but its been. Its been very isolating because of how that affected me.

I dont think ive seen much shared at all in terms of experiences with compulsive self harm in a sexual context. If it had just been anxiety and self-loathing i would have been able to deal with it much sooner i think.

But the self harm was a kind of feedback loop of like, you self harm -> you feel shame and disgust and misery -> those feelings become your primary association with sexual thoughts and behaviour -> the only sexual thoughts you get are intrusive and distressing -> self harm becomes a means of feeling in control of the distress -> and on we go again and again and again

But its over. Its actually over and i want to cry. Its been weeks and i havent self harmed and im finding it a little easier to deal with triggers and just. I want to cry so much because i feel so fucking relieved.

The power of anal sex....

[muzanswaifu]

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask (Answered)

I"m not even gonna wait for anyone to ask bcuz this bitch is gonna answer them NOW

I wait for no one 😤

Keep reading if you wanna see my answers!

I nominate @xxsabitoxx, @magoliaomega, @yurmomsawh0r, and all my other writer moots to answer all these as well, CUZ I WANNA KNOW WAT YALL HAVE TO SAY

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

All of my old Doushino fics lmao, I like the base storyline I did for all of them, but my writing was so shitty back then and I cringe looking back at them now. Ireally really wish I could just rewrite them but Ik some people would literally shit their pants if i deleted them so im stuck

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

I have a kink for apology/angst scenes haha, if couldn't already tell from my past works. It's just something that I feel everyone thrives for, especially myself, where the love interest apologizes for all their wrong doings and admits that they long for yn's forgiveness and love. Mama is a heart throb

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Any scene with shinobu in my Gamer Giyu fic "The Perfect Date". I tried to make her as funny as possible in that one, and believe me, there were plenty more funny moments of her in my draft for that fic that I ended up having to cut out bcuz I felt it drew away from the plot too much. Oh how I wish to make a fic just for her lol

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

I like to make the love interests assholes sometimes, just to piss you guys off hehe, everytime they do something shitty that makes you hella sad, just know that it was me 😈

✍ Do you have a beta reader?

I don't unfortunately, I kinda just go read over it myself a couple times to check for mistakes but thats pretty much it. Ngl lie though, I am kinda interested in having someone else proofread for spelling mistakes and plot holes, any takers 👀 preferrably someone who's talented with that sort of thing haha

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I always enjoy a good simile and metaphor here and there, not really sure about themes... love at first sight maybe? enemies to lovers? tsundere? I like sad fics as well that have happy endings, I will never, ever do a completely sad ending, i just don't like them and they leave a bad taste in my mouth

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Dog, I dont even knooooooooooow, i think all of my fics are pretty straight forward and tame. Maybe Regrettable? All of my super crazy fics are still in production so we'll just wait and see, but for drafts rn, my "No Escape" (Sanemi x Reader) series is gonna be hella crazy, so just you wait

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

My fav thing about my writing is probably my dialogue, i think I write pretty appropriate dialogue. I try my damn hardest not to make the characters cringe and to make them relatable so I hope I've done a good job with that

💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

Ngl, I kinda hate them. Kissing is nice and all but i write smut yall, i got bigger things to worry about than smooching. Now virginity loss fics are a whole nother story, bcuz i can actually make it enjoyable unlike real life 😭 Shitty first time gang arise ✊

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Nope, I bask in silence, maybe some white noise in the background sometimes? Music distracts me too much

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

I use my notes app on my phone to make my outlines, google for thesaurus, and an online word counter for the final word count

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Yup, for those who remember, I was working on a fic called Night and Day about Kyo x stepsister reader who was living with him. Originally I had him as a yandere, obsessive person with reader being uninterested in him and the fic being non-con, but I ended up scrapping the whole thing and changing it to be a fluff fic with reader living with kyo, reader having a crush on him, and slowly the two grow closer, with tons and tons of angst and sadness. The original outline for the non-con fic is on my patreon if anyone would like to see the poor thing, it had 8 chapters outlined too haha. what a waste.

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Only 1 ☝️ I'm pretty sure i've mention her before, my friend sam? We used to read a ton of fanfics and watch anime growing up so she's the only person i've ever told since she understands the field, and i am never gonna tell anyone else 😭I would literally die, my group at college doesn't even watch anime

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Either Perfect Date or Regrettable

🍷 Do you drink and write?

Hehe no, I do smoke and write sometimes though

🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

My Little One if I remember correctly

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

I usually like to write at night after I've finished all of my hw, right before bedtime :)

💖 What made you start writing?

I had a ton of idea for fics but didn't want to spend my days requesting all of them so I just wrote them myself, I write so much shit already for school, so I just said fuck it, lets ball

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I thrive off of them ❤️‍🔥 I frame every single comment on my wall ngl

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Cheating. Not sure if thats a trope but i kinda feel it is in some fics where reader or love interest cheats, the one who got cheated on gets revenge sex with another party, and then they get back together. I just hate it and it hurts my feeling and turns me off

💲 Would you ever open commissions?

Of course! After I finish all of my requests I'm gonna get that started hopefully and use the money to buy hot figurines 🥵

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

Sometimes, it depends on the fic. I usually just look up time period stuff so that things are close to accurate

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

My Little One

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

I love halloween fics, they are scarily hot

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

YUP, @magoliaomega has perfectly written part 2 for two of my fics, reading her gifts is so eerie bcuz they were exactly wat i would've wanted for the sequel and I love her for for it, she is literally god

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

I've never gotten any but I would love to, fan art is awesome

📈 How many fics do you have?

Uhhhh like 20 I think?

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

I usually outline but I'm kinda thinking ab stopping bcuz my best fics were written without any preparations so well see.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Girl Imma talk about I'm Yours, my upcoming series ab alpha kyo and omega fem reader. I am sosososoosososossosos excited for this one yall have no idea. I've already mapped out the chapters and plot and everything. Im currently working on chapter two and just cant wait to get this shit done so i can post everything. I'm just excited to add to the very small pile of kny omegaverse fics and hopefully the series will inspire more abo creations for demon slayer. Another work I'm excited ab is a collab im doing with a fellow bestie 😏 I wont name any names or say wat the fic is ab but hopefully well get the fic done sometime next year, really excited to work with her on this!

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

I would start off with headcannons, then short scenes, then one-shots, then multi-chapter. I went backwords from this list and i wish i didnt haha. theres nothing wrong with doing it out of that order of course, I just think its the best way to build up skill and get a hang of things. Also dont be afraid to take breaks! burning urself out will lead to depression babes

💞 Who's your comfort character?

Shinobu ❤️ she was the first girl I wrote for in demon slayer and she's always held a special place in my heart

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Can't really answer this one lmaoooooo, so ill choose a random headcannon I have, Shizu taught Sanemi how to cook and he always helped her make meals for the family

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

Kyojuro, my love. He is so pure, I wanna suck the soul outta him

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Mitsuri was obviously upset.

One day was fine. Two was pushing it. Three was a little concerning. Four was a lite search. Five was thorough detective work. And six was a breakdown. By day seven, today, she was still bawling in her pillow, wondering where-oh-where you’d gone. 

Meanwhile, you hardly had time to worry about your concerning absence with a dragon on you at all times of the day. During the rare moments you weren’t getting knotted or eaten out, you were getting bathed, fed, or hushed to sleep. Similar to Kanroji, you too were sobbing into your bedding - but your reason being your cunt getting ravaged hourly. The pleasure was still incredibly mind-blowing, but your pussy was so fucked raw and puffy that you were sore beyond belief from the mating session. You had misunderstood that section in the book. You’d thought a week-long initial rut meant only occasional couplings, like a sort of honeymoon phase.Nope. Every waking moment was spent hanging off his knot and getting filled to the brim with his seed. Hereallywanted babies. And he was likely going to get them, even if it wasn’t your fertile week. You doubted his sperm would take no for an answer, honestly...

“Are you tired, my love?”

You moaned as he pulled on the lock and replied in a cracked voice. “Ye-eess.”

With one more tug, his knot was pulled free. You came painfully one final time before a flood of spunk gushed down your legs. Kyojuro flipped you over to your back and set you down onto the part of the nest that wasn’t caked in sin.

He kissed your forehead as you panted. “Our rut is done, little one. You did wonderfully, I’m so proud - you may rest now,” he whispered and laid next to you. You sighed and groaned, “Finaallyyyy.” He chuckled.

“Tomorrow we will bring your things here and anything else you may need. Your friends and family will understand, I’m sure.” You eyes shot open and you remembered them.

“Oh my god!”

Lil snippet from My Sweet Kitten (Mitsuri x Dragon Iguro) My Little One Part 2 hehe

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Any of my non-con lmao, I think they would kill me tbh, but I heard that kinks were hereditary so this is their fault

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

If people ask for a part 2, even though I wont write one hehe

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Breeding kink, I have needs. Also pet names (baby, sweetheart, my love, darling, princess, ect)

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

Maybe as a side career, I'm not getting a degree in my field of study just to write smut all day lmaooo, i enjoy having writing as my hobby and dont want to have it bare the burden of being my main source of income, it would stress me too much

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

It depends honestly, if I'm really inspired and horny, it takes less time. My Little One took me only 3 days to write cuz i was so pent up haha, requests take longer tho bc i have a specific plot and terms to stick to, along with anxieties about whether or not the requester will approve wat i've produced, so those usually take me a couple weeks to a month

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Action. That shit is hard. I don't think i could ever write a fight scene ever

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

Not the ones i have currently but the ones i have in the works are extremely heartbreaking, i cried a little writing some of them

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

It depends on the type of criticism. I appreciate it if its about errors in my writing since i still have some growing to do in that department. But there has been some drama ab the things I write ab that people find...distasteful. If you don't like what I write ab, leave, dont waste my time pretending to be a mutual, I write for me not you. Some of yall have some real mean girl mentalities and need to grow tf up, this isn't fucking highschool. Im glad for thei experience tho bcuz it's taught me how to deal with negative people better. On the more constructive side of things tho, if you see errors like plotholes, devices, or grammar in my fics, please tell me! I miss shit sometimes and appreciate the help to better my work

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

#Smut. LMFAOOO

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

I looooove reader interactions! I wanna know what people think and what they would like to see next. I also love requests but I've learned that they are harder than they look lmao. I just worry ab disappointing readers sometimes. I want you guys to enjoy it too!

[andragoras-in-vanity]

i am so fucking tired of soemthing always hurting me. like if it was just the chronic pain and constant exhaustion that would be great, but no ten year old piercings hurting, breaking nails, bashing hips on door handles, my nose piercing has a fucking keloid on the inside of my nostril????? maybe????? it was scar tissue at least and i had to change the stud the other day because it kept getting caught but wjen i did i fucking tore the inside of my nostril, the outside is clearly stretched and red and theres like loose skin, and if that wasnt fucking enough on top of having breakouts all over my chin and my chest for some reason and too tired to change my sheets and feeling so fucking ugly, i just rubbed my nose and ripped this stud out on my sweater.

im fucking tired and i dont want this, and no matter what i do it goes wrong. i just want to look good and feel good, but i cant even get my hair to the right colour. fuck.

[sophsicle]

hi! sorry if youve already answered this and no hate at all im simply curious, but what made you want to do a canon compliant ending for choices? ive always wondered why canon compliant endings are so common in jegulus & wolfstars fandom when 1 canon has many plot holes imo and 2 the ending is basically gay couples dying as if we dont have enough of that in queer media

Hello lovely!

So I wanted to make Choices canon compliant for two reasons: 1) When people talk about Jegulus usually the first thing they say is that it doesn't make any sense and I kind of took that as a challenge. I wanted to see if I could make Jegulus make sense, and in my brain, in order to do that, I had to make them make sense in a (mostly) canonical HP universe, because if it's not canon compliant really you're just showing that these two character types could work but you aren't actually showing that James Potter and Regulus Black could work. Which is not a problem, by the way, like at all, just, in my ridiculous brain, if I was going to prove people wrong about Jegulus it had to be canon compliant. 2) Those plot holes you mentioned, totally agree, but that to me was another challenge. Like I wanted to see if I could make the Marauders plot holes make sense. Stuff like the Prank, or Wolfstar falling apart in the first war - I wanted to see if I could write those plot lines in a way that made sense to me, because I'd never really read either of those things in a way that left me satisfied y'know? Same with Jegulus, when I started writing Choices I hadn't read any Jegulus that really convinced me that James and Regulus actually did make sense All that being said, your point about queer couples meeting tragic ends in media is totally a valid criticism of canon compliant Marauders fics. I think part of the problem too is that when I started writing this fic I was very much just focused on myself and the things I wanted and I wasn't really thinking about this story in any bigger way, or as, you know, contributing to any sort of discourse. Obviously on this site that has changed and it has now been involved in several discourses but like originally I was just trying to relieve some stress during finals last year :)

[m0e-ru]

Throughout writing the GSA SL AU, what has been your favorite part(s) of it to flesh out? Also, what drew you to Izanami as a character, what made you want to expand on them to write your AU? I think I've seen you talk about why in passing, though Bad Memory makes it to remember so sorry if you have explained that before.

I was going through my analysis tag and called myself so smart and maybe I am glad for my dramatic writing to make lore sound so pish poshy . also it's okay !!! if you don't remember . if the social anxiety I am a multilingual mess of a chatterbox who will say the same thing over and over again like a broken record but maybe multiple copies of the same record just warped differently . does that make sense. my english teachers have told me I need to work on my summary writing and I don't think I improved <3 anywho cracks knuckles. also happy 1.3k words

gsaslau........ my favorite was.... everything. the world building, the lore, the characters, mental flowcharts and concept maps. canon divergency has always been my favorite, paired with the fact I love analysing shit in the first place. I took one look at this idiot and saw all the pitiful overlooked potential hiding in their dumb oil scented uniform and tried to rip it out and put it in centrifuges and stretching it out as far as possible. people think I'm out of dough but I'm a little menace with a squirrel living inside my brain who just adds more dough. I will get a Thought and sit in a discord chat and monopolize it while literally everyone else is asleep because of the concept of timezones and I type for three hours and pass out; for an afternoon nap or the fact it became 3am.

iznmi is just sooooooo. barren. an absolute blank slate but also they're not. they're unpolished and deliberately dirtied. maybe theyre so empty and I have to take them to literal puddles and make sure every drop of whatever makes them at least half full in a sense. they're the puddle and I dug out a lake with a toy shovel. under all those layers I know there's nothing. but there's also something. there's a corpse. an actual person. an answer. a question. a migraine that would torment me for a week maybe.

a tiny tiny bit of context, before entering uh. here. the p4 community or if im ever actually considered to be part of it, I came from a humble little community where everyone was friends (ninokuni). I did my fair share of analysis and canon divergency and expressed my fear for bigger communities for mainstream media. so when i got here I decided to stay in this hole. this ditch. quarry mine. reminiscent of patrick star's house. I thought it'd be the same but NO. I fight tooth and nail in my own house and welcome people selectively like I'm a rabid animal sniffing people left and right. anyway

ummmm twirls hair swings legs. gsaslau origin story patreon special. i was obsessed with the dumb voiced npc at the start of the game the jp dub made him sound so fruity and my dad and sister and I joked around how he was a vampire for shits and kept making absurd headcanons throughout playing. the fact they showed up only on rainy days only made them more sketchy. in fact I could've casually liked this moron without the whole 'I'm god actually' bullshit going on.

I watched visualive! it was the end for me. no literally my brain was hardwired so badly I knew from that point on i would never be a normal p4 fan ever. adachis chair car adventure. THE END OF IT ALL.

D'OH I was obsessed. why was adachis clown ass acting like this. he's never like this. why has this been the only guy shown to piss him off ever. DONT get me started with th attendant I was sitting there 'NO WAYYY NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYY SO THIS GUY IS SIGNIFICANT IN ONE (1) OFFICIAL MEDIA.?' i was spiraling

I finished the game and that did Not help my conscience. I entered the fandom at that point and had my darkest days. but I learned a lot from it and I'm grateful for that

I was nitpicking EVERYTHING. I was asking so much questions and I had so much fun answering them. then coming back a year later with so much more answers, or maybe debunk my own views with something more enlightening I had to write my revelations while brushing my teeth after a shower. interpreting was great connecting dots were thrilling. the "what if" questions went too far and started. this (gsaslau) WHICH technically started when I watched vl and it hit me full force once I actually started thinking about it.

to me there was just. so much to do with the god and their humansona you don't understand. the fact they're intertwined with lore so much you had to check every nook and cranny and go mad while at it? then again that was a win win for me since I was basically picking at media analysis too.

I was there.... brute forcing translation as a non native. cracking into the game trying to find SOMETHING. I was buying books i couldn't read for One (1) page of trivia in a small little box with less than a paragraph. I went through spinoffs games and novels and drama cds and stageplays and art books and magazines and interviews and livestreams and blog posts and tweets. I was learning so much as time went by and i had so many new pieces I could tinker with and create completely new machinations I would adore.

I drew art comics wrote fic and analysis and wiki articles I edited pictures videos gifs modded games cracked into them for assets 3d models dialogue secret textures events I manufactured my own merch for pete's sake I gaslit so many people with fake screenshots and convincing formats and i wish i could do that again

okay kinda segued there I'll try and go back. my favorite to flesh out was... world building? dealing with the butterfly affect and figuring out the consequences in this and seeing how the story change would make me so excited. maybe souji wouldn't want to kill namatame on the spot and his vision would stay foggy because he can't accept the truth that some of the people he's friends with are those who started this citywide crisis. maybe adachi does care about people and realizes his feelings and decides to abandon his fake life he started for the sake of his loved ones so they wouldn't get hurt again. maybe namatame was a bit happier after the trauma of someone leaving him and more mentally stable and took care of nanako well that he's earned her trust and does his best not to break that loyalty ever. making parallels like marie and mim being one and the same and so different at the same time. MAYBE god develops humanity within themself after being so convinced they couldn't and has conflicting morals between their duty and their wants as their own person. exploring the possible relationships are also high up there like souji and namatame being friends or nanako scaring a gas station attendant twice her size. adachi and mim's friendship is a given.

iznmi canon or not, they just have....so so much potential and the fact they're lore itself doesn't help. and I think it's fucking hilarious you can finish the game knowing NOTHING about them. at all. what if there was more to this silly npc who only appears during a rainy weather flag..... vl sparked too many ideas. what if god had a bit more screentime in that personality that we could see their thought process some more while they observe the protagonist's journey throughout the entire game. the realization they hey, maybe humans' Shadows won't kill them one day. maybe they'll have the strength to stop denying themselves and accept them to achieve a greater power.

okay maybe this is enough rambling or i show you my two years worth of discord messages and scattered google docs . thank you for asking. hugs and kisses . and remember: gas staion atednat

[neproxrezi]

Are you participating in the proposed dbd boycott to get them to do a game health update?

yeah, i wasn't sure at first caus "dont play the video game for a brief period" isn't going to work but "this company has put all its eggs in one basket and they are frankly quite neglectful of said basket, everyone stop buying anything ingame for 3 months" has me interested

more than 'fix the bugs' or anything else like that what i want to see out of the game is them being less god damn stingy with cosmetics (you should not have to pay $10 for ONE FUCKING COSMETIC) and addressing the grind. holy shit the grind in this game is so rough and it could be fixed fairly simply (i'm in favour of removing perk tiers, to cut a long post short)

hold on im gonna complain about dbd under a cut caus itll get long, i love this game so much but oh boy it has issues

it's been said a million times already but dbd's grind made more sense when there were like 4 or 5 characters per side, there are now over 20 and each new one introduces 3 perks to each side

I want to write about the grind in this game for a moment. There are 95 survivor perks in DBD. Every perk has three tiers. Some of them are great, and many are kind of pointless. Realistically, I'd bet you're only going to see about 15 of those perks in action in most of your games. However, if you unlock a perk to be taught to other survivors (which I tend to do even if I don't particularly want it, out of a mix of completionism and a 'may as well get it out of the way' kind of thing), you can't get rid of it. It's in your bloodwebs forever. 95 perks. 285 perk tiers. Let's talk about how long that takes to claim.

You buy a new character in the next chapter. You have every teachable perk unlocked. The new chapter really excited you, and you want to claim every perk on the new character (who I am going to name... Doug), so you saved a lot of bloodpoints in advance. In fact, you played for days and days and saved the cap, which is a million bloodpoints. You buy Doug, after much excited testing him out in the PTB. You spend all million points on Doug. Doug is now about level 35 to 40, out of 50. Hm. Well, time to keep playing. The bloodwebs kind of gave you a bunch of crap stuff on Doug, and you don't feel like running Power Struggle, Ace in the Hole, Babysitter and Breakdown, so you can't play Doug yet. You go play someone else.

Solo queuing as survivor is a mixed bag, and your games range from getting 10,000 bloodpoints (pretty rough game where everyone got wiped) to 27,000 (a great match, maybe with a bloodpoint offering). You save enough to get Doug to level 50. In the later levels, you start being able to get two perks a level instead of one. Let's say from level 1 to 50, you collect a total of 65 perks, because I don't remember exactly when it starts offering 2 per level. Okay, there are 220 perk levels left. Because of the game's propensity for giving you the same perk over and over to get you lots of perks at level 2 out of 3, of those 65 perk tiers you've probably got something like 20 to 25 actual perks. You're missing like, 70. Best case scenario, the ones you picked up include a lot of what you want. Most likely, you've got like half a good build and some gimmicky crap to slot in alongside it. Worst case scenario, which has happened to me plenty of times, you have like maybe one good perk and a pile of gimmicky crap. So. How long is it going to take you to get what you want?

There are 220 perk levels to go. After level 50, the webs are all the same size. It costs about 50,000 points to level up, and you get two perk levels per bloodweb. That's going to be 110 webs to get everything for Doug. Which is 5.5 million bloodpoints. Oh no. How many points were you earning per game again?

If you play with friends, you're probably going to do better. I find this to be true even if me and my friends are playing without voice comms or anything, because I just sort of know these people a bit better. I know my friend who mains Lisa Garland is a hook-diving bastard, so I don't need to go rescue anyone. Ace, god bless him, makes batshit altruistic plays, so I certainly don't need to go protect my teammates when he's out there doing things like this. I think I'm just going to sit on generators in the distance, think about our final gen spread, and try get us out of here. I'd say if I'm playing well, and accounting for offerings and WGLF stacks, with friends I average 30,000 a match and by myself I average 20,000. Playing killer I average more like 60,000, but playing killer is a bit stressful sometimes and I'm very indecisive about actually queuing up for it, so I probably actually get bp faster as survivor. I'm going to call the average per match across everything 25,000, because for every good game there are plenty where you underperform, or things just go drastically wrong. To earn 5.5 million points like that, you're going to have to play 220 matches. A game, including queue times and whatnot, can take ten to twenty minutes. That's... that's going to take a while. And that's ONE CHARACTER.

Now, on the survivor side you only really need to do this once. They're all just reskins of the same gameplay loop. On the killer side, you need to re-earn those perks for every new character you want to try out, because they're all different. Miiiiillions and millions of points. Hundreds of games. I have no problem with the game having a grind, but at this point it's absolute insanity.

In my opinion, removing perk tiers would cut the grind down to a reasonable level. There'd still be a grind, which I'm completely comfortable with existing, but it wouldn't be excruciatingly long, and you wouldn't have to spend as long dealing with bad perks.

HOWEVER, on top of that is the fact that they just. Holy shit the game updates slowly. I don't want to blame them for that in a way of like "these developers are incompetent and lazy", I really do love DBD to bits and I'm sure they do work very hard on it. That said, its update cycle is really slow. Reeaally slow. I wish they either had a bigger team, made balance updates faster (a handful of perk adjustments once every six weeks is... very very slow) or something to just try make the changes faster. Even when things do change it always feels so anxious and tentative, I wish they'd experiment more often. The time they disabled bloodlust to see what happened was really cool!

Yeah in short I just hope the grind gets addressed more than anything else, caus that's the part I actually think there's a relatively straightforward solution to. Also, I never got to play the older events where you could do shit like earn cosmetics, but they sounded way fucking cooler than the new ones. The halloween one last year was absolute shit, it's weird that their special events would get worse over time rather than better.

Buuut I agree with Scott Jund that the Resident Evil chapter was bad news for DBD's long term health because the one thing that would really give BHVR a kick up the ass is competition, and every time they land an amazing licensed chapter they become harder to compete with. They have an absolute monopoly on asymmetrical horror, and I honestly think the game would be in a better state right now if they had some competition >:[

[kweebtrash]

StreamHearts Timestamp 11:59pm

Title: Fuck It, I Love You

Pairing: Camboy!JohnnyxCamgirlOC (Rem)

Word Count: 3.1k

Genre: Smut/Fluff

Features: established relationship not a perfect sex life, heavy size kink, soft-ish dom johnny, petnames, teasing, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie.

Synopsis:

Though Rem is a smart business woman she hides behind a computer screen all day designing websites for large companies. However, when her day is done she’s still behind a computer screen but now showing the world how hard she can cum. She never wanted to be a camgirl but when financial duties called she took it upon herself to make it. The spotlight (and money) got to her and she expanded to showcasing her nerdy side; livestreams, lewd cosplay photoshoots, let’s plays, subscriptions, review, vlogs, tutorials, you name it. Her streams catches the attention of a fellow cammer, Johnny, who on a whim decided to message her. Both aren’t the sexed up dolls they pretend to be in the online life and instead ease their way into a relationship with not so perfect sex, mistakes, and total confusion.

A/N: This used to be on my Kofi which im closing down and just putting everything up on here. This isnt continuing.

Masterlist     Johnny Only Masterlist

~~

“I just want to tease the fuck out of you.” The words came out as as sultry whisper poured into my ear. His tongue trailed against the cartilage, leaving the skin heated and wet similar to the junction of my thighs. Johnny had been kissing me for god knows how long. I had become so lost in him; his words, his touch, his entire being beside me. I was helpless and unable to escape the intoxication though I never wanted to. His words, however, put me in a place of submissiveness where i feared his teasing.

“P-please don’t…” I whined as I chased his lips from a kiss he denied me. “Don’t tease me. I’ve been good.”

“Have you?” His eyes were heavily lidded, pupils dilated with oxytocin and endorphins. The thrill of my eminent destruction only added to the sparks between us yet I was dreading it entirely. “I saw what you were doing in your last stream. You got a bigger dildo, didn’t you?”

My face rushed with color as i averted my gaze. “W-well...i wanted to practice.”

“Practice for who, baby?” He smirked and pushed a few sweat drenched stray hairs away from my face.

“Y-you, of course.” We hadn’t fucked on camera yet. We had come to the consensus not to until we perfected the art of intimacy between us first. Though there was a small problem, or rather a large problem. The first few times Johnny had tried to penetrate me it was futile. The thickness of his head was no match for how small my hole was. No matter how many fingers he could attempt to fit inside me (barely two) to try and stretch me out or how much lube or cum i exerted helped. And so I took it upon myself to cast aside my six and seven inch dildos to try and accommodate for the moment where we would unite.

“Still too much, huh?” He chuckled lowly. I watched as his fingertips barely brushed against my skin as he made a ticklish trail down my stomach to the thin fabric of my panties. They slipped beneath the cotton and i instinctively spread my thighs. His middle finger pushed between my lower lips and circled my entrance languidly. “Why is my perfect princess so tiny?”

“I’m sorry,” I said with a heavy pang of guilt. I had constantly felt like I had ruined moments in our beds because my body wouldnt except him even if my mind and heart were yearning to have him so deep inside me that i could feel him in my stomach.

Johnny pressed a kiss to my forehead and smiled. “Don’t be. I love how fucking tight you are for me.”

I scrunched up my nose and pushed his face away playfully. “Don’t say such things. You make it sound pervy!”

Another chuckle. “I can’t help it sometimes.” He began to move his finger through me, gathering the wetness that had accumulated and spreading it over the most sensitive areas. “You know it turns me on to see how small you are.”

I pressed my lips together in an attempt to hide a mewl. I was lost on what I had wanted to respond with as my brain frizzled. “U-uh, um...I th-think your size kink is s-showing!” My stomach clenched when he dipped his fingertip in, alarming me. He shushed me gently, cooing at me to relax as he placed kisses and nibbles along the column of my neck.

“I got you, baby girl. You know i do.” I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him closer together so i could bury my face in his chest. His free arm snaked around me as well, settling on my shoulders as he gauged my reactions to his minuscule thrusts. I bit down on his collarbone as I rushed to rock my hips and let him know that I was able to take more. He pushed into me deeper, curling his finger quickly in an effort to make the sound of my natural lubrication bounce off the bright pink walls of my room. “Did you get all worked up just from me kissing you?”

He was proud of himself. I could always tell in the tonality of his voice. A certain cockiness that anything he did made me wet. It stemmed from the exchange of us watching each other’s streams. I had spent hours consuming video after video of him jerking off, fucking his own ass, and doing other lewd acts that got him tips in seconds. He, on the other hand, told me that he was more captivated by the faces and sounds I made and would prefer to just watch as he fucked me. It sounded silly to say since I had thousands of viewers and I masturbated on camera but I was still a shy person who preferred to metaphorically hide their head in the sand like an ostrich. Johnny intimidated me as many a times my face would be forced towards his and i was commanded to not dare look away. His deep brown eyes would peer into my soul, eating it up like a meal and leaving me an empty husk of a woman once I orgasmed at his hands. “Shut up.” I said through gritted teeth as he halted his vibrant thrusts.

His finger left me and instead disappeared into his mouth. With a slick pop he removed all of my taste from the digit and sighed as he gave me a once over. “Take these off.” He snapped at the band of my panties that he had stripped me down to during our initial makeout session. I hooked my thumbs into the waistband and wiggled them down before flicking them off my foot. Johnny spread my thighs wide, leaving me completely exposed. I went back to hiding in the crook of his neck, hoping he wouldnt notice if i distracted him with some bites. A harsh tap to my clit told me otherwise. I yelped and laid my own defensive slap against his chest. "Jerk!"

"Dont close your legs then." Johnny said sternly. I pouted, puffing out my cheeks as i rolled away from him, my arms across my chest. His large hand grabbed onto my hip and pulled me onto my back again. He didnt particularly like when i protested or became a bit bratty. A submissive princess was where he liked me to be at all times. Though now I wasnt even able to utter a word because he hooked his leg over mine, keeping my thighs separated while one hand grabbed both my wrists and pinned them above my head. His other hand was back to grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him. He'd be damned to hell if he didnt break that habit of mine. "The fuck did i just say?"

I flexed my fingers as i tried (and failed) to release myself from his grasp. "You said…" i looked into his eyes that had honeyed in the yellow glow of my bedside lamp. That was another weakness if mine, as if Johnny as a whole wasnt enough. His eyes in particular always destroyed me. I couldnt expressing the rest of my sentence, which was supposed to be a snarky retort, because of the intense hold he had over me. I was instead stuck nibbling at his bottom lip and whimpering for him to let me go. "I could touch you." I finally said in between small licks. "Youre hard."

"And? I get off on seeing you get off. I also get off on when youre a good girl for me."

"Liar. You love it when i misbehave. You always start moving the toys faster when i do." That was what he used when he really wanted to punish me; small dildos and vibrators in various settings and speeds, making sure i writhed and arched with every thrust.

"And what toy should i used on my babygirl tonight? What would get you all pink and squirmy for me?" He smirked and sucked my lips between his, lapping at the soft skin.

"I dont want a toy. I want you." I admitted.

Johnny sighed and pulled away from me entirely. "You know we cant. We've tried and we cant. I told you im not going to hurt you."

"I know!" I clutched onto his arm. "I know. But this time will be different. Im gonna do it."

He shook his head. "If i force it too much i could tear you. Rem, i'm seriously not going to try right now."

"Please!" I begged and looked up at him with puppy eyes. "Just one try, ok? Just one? You dont know how many times I've dreamt about you fucking me senseless. I just want you inside me so badly. I cant take it anymore."

He rolled his eyes, annoyed at my persistence. "Fine. Just one try. And i mean one."

I gave him a sweet kiss and pulled him on top of me. He settled between my legs which i laid on the outside of his thighs. He stroked the smooth and sensitive skin on my inner thighs as he trailed his thumbs upwards to spread my lower lips apart. His tongue darted out to moisten his lips as he drunk in the sight at my slightly flexed gape. "Are you sure?" He asked.

I pushed my hand between us and gripped the outline of his cock firmly. "Johnny I don't want you, I need you."

He went to say something again but snapped his jaw shut. Quickly, he discarded his boxer briefs and guided his swollen cock towards my entrance. Seeing him throb was another part of my guilt. He would leak and swell as we romped around and yet could only get off by a blowjob or a handjob. Sometimes he would thrust between my thighs or against my ass but I knew it was just barely enough for him. His cum didn't belong splattered across my skin; it belonged inside me, filling me to the brim and keeping me warm. I closed my eyes and let every bit of tension leave my body. If I could just get the head in, it would be smooth sailing from there.

A small push threatened the barricade of my tightness. The tension returned but only for a moment. I kept it shoved aside and focused on taking in the tip. I could feel centimeter by centimeter, gauging how far he could go, and when I found the glans stuffed inside me both of us shuddered hard. I covered my mouth as soon as I let out a sharp gasp. The feeling of being stretched burned and tingled and yet I took in the discomfort with a sense of gratitude. This was the farthest we had gotten and even if this was all he could get inside it was better than nothing.

Johnny's hands were trembling as he bruised my hips in the pattern of his fingers. "J-jesus...babe." He sucked in a harsh breath and swallowed hard. Beads of sweat had gathered at his brow and it was almost like he was losing control already. "God you feel so damn good. How are you even taking me?"

I held one of his hands and brought it to my lips, kissing the back of it. "You said it yourself. You saw me practicing on camera but you didn't see what I did when I was alone." I parted my lips then and ushered in two of his fingers, sucking slowly. I circled my tongue around the tips and swallowed all the way down to the knuckle all while perfecting by bedroom eyed gaze at him. His hips snapped as his body trembled, making me wince around his fingers. He had managed to squeeze in more of his cock and even produced some minuscule thrusts that had him looking like he was already prepped to go over the edge.

He gripped harder at my hip to the point where it hurt but I knew it was a sign of pleasure and that's all I wanted to give him. I mewled around his fingers and nudged my legs a little higher to rest by his waist. The adjustment built up pressure in the pit of my stomach and made my overstretched walls clench harder. Johnny groaned deeply and begged me to ease my hold on him but I couldn't. Even when I got used to the new addition of girth I was still suctioned around him. My face flushed as I heard his groans turn into growls. The muscles in his strong arms bulged as his shoulders caved in and an unexpected heat tsunamied into me.

My eyes widened at the revelation that he had cum inside me-the first time I had ever felt the sensation. It was strange and yet because it was Johnny it also felt...cozy in a way. A warm perfection that symbolized him succumbing to everything I had wanted to give him. Though one thing was for sure, I was surprised at how quickly it happened. I let his hand go and instead held onto my tummy that I swore was bulging slightly. Johnny ran a hand over his face and pushed his hair back but as soon as our eyes caught each other his face burned beet red even to the tips of his ears. "Do you...um, do you always cum that fast when you're in someone?" I tried to ask as politely as possible.

He pulled out of me and ran straight to the bathroom, slamming the door harshly. I frowned, realizing that the small comment had hurt his pride but I had to be honest that I wanted more from him. I sat up slowly and felt a rush of cum flow out of me, thicker than I expected. Him pulling out so swiftly left me sore and on wobbly knees yet I walked over to the bathroom, trying to keep my thighs pressed together so I wouldn't make an even bigger mess. "Johnny?" I asked as I knocked on the door.

"Go away." I heard him mumble.

"Johnny, why'd you run? Was it because of what I said? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Go. Away."

I huffed and grabbed a hold of the door. I was prepared to force my way through but it wasn't locked at all. I stumbled as I stepped in and saw Johnny sitting on the toilet cover, head between his knees and arms dangling by his feet. "Johnny." I sunk to my knees in front of him. "Look at me, please."

"No." He replied, muffled.

"Johnny." I repeated, sternly this time. "What's wrong?"

"'M embarrassed." He mumbled.

"Embarrassed? How come?"

"I've never cum that fast before. Ever. I feel like a loser."

I pushed his head up gently and sighed. "Guaranteed I did want it to last longer but this was the first time you were able to thrust inside me. Maybe it was because of all that pent up energy from when you couldn't do it before. Orrrrr," I nudged his arm playfully. "I'm just that damn good."

"I don't need your cockiness now." He pouted cutely.

"It's ok, baby, really. We're still finding each other out. This is the first time anyone has cared about not hurting me. I'd take that over some idiot that would barge in any day. Please don't be embarrassed."

"Easy for you to say."

"You think I want to be this tight? Sure it sounds like a whole fantasy but being tiny sucks. I want to get railed until I can't walk but I cry as soon as something big comes near me."

"You didn't cry this time." He pointed out and I perked up instantly.

"Hey, you're right. I didn't. That's progress!" I smiled and gave him a small kiss in an effort to cheer him up a little. "And you know what this means, right?"

Johnny sat back against the toilet tank and let out an exasperated sigh. "What?"

"We can keep practicing." I rose to my feet and straddled his lap. "I know you like practicing."

Finally a twinge appeared at the corner of his mouth. He couldn't resist the thought of more touching, groping, kissing, and grinding. "Well...I guess you're right."

I peered down at his still mostly hard cock as curiously got the best of me. "You came but you're still hard?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes it takes awhile to go down. Sometimes I can squeeze another one out."

I lifted my hips and slowly sunk down on him, catching him by surprise. He jerked suddenly and held onto me tightly. "Re-Rem!"

"Maybe we can work on me taking all of you this time. And making sure you last longer."

"I-its your fault for fuckin' suffocating me!" He said through grit teeth. "Just like you're doing now!"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and grabbed a handful of his hair. "Don't tell me you cant take it, baby."

He licked his lips and fluttered his eyes shut. "You have no idea what you do to me Rem."

"You're wrong." I wiggled down more on his shaft, now about a quarter of the way down before the tingling started again. "I know exactly how you feel because you drive me crazy too. Especially now."

He buried his face in my neck, splattering kisses here and there. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I giggled and squeezed him tight. "I love you, Johnny."

A silence fell over the room as that was also a first between us. I was afraid he wouldn't reciprocate the sentiment and felt my heart race. Now I was the embarrassed one yet I felt him smile against my collar bone. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "I-is that okay? To say that? I d-dont want to scare you off."

"I'm not going anywhere. Trust me. I love you too." I pursed my lips together to hide a squeal though I was too giddy to even think straight. I almost didn't notice Johnny standing up, myself now in his arms and our bodies remaining connected. "Can I show you how much I love you?"

"Please."

[secretsniper3]

Part 4: Tough Day

I awake with my hands where they can usually be found in the morning, clamped around my belt while fluid pours out between my legs. Master has kept me on denial for 3 days now and I can barely take it any more. only 2 days ago I was edged in a electricity fuelled nightmare and yesterday i was edged by a mystery woman and forced to walk for hours as a latex maid, sweeping up dust and cooking duties. To go from such a high back to the normal, well, I wanted the high again, Craved it even, to feel the caress of another on my body and be pleasured beyond reckoning. with my morning edges still out of reach and my clit throbbing even now I stand to get ready but hear a knock on my door as my Master enters the room.

“We are having a party today, my Dear, and I want you to look your best, red lips, high heels and a dress.” he says as he walks to the wardrobe and pulls out a blue silk dress. “this dress will do nicely. You will wear nothing else and wait here till i come and get you.” he says as I hear a knock on the front door. I nod as he leaves and begin to dress myself..

---------------- Meanwhile --------------

As the front door opens I stand there in all my glory, long blue hair caressing my back in my black dress and heels, im welcomed into the house by the Master and step inside, he takes my coat and offers me a refreshment. Gladly accepting he returns with 2 glasses of champagne and hands me 1. “To a glorious party!” the Master says, I raise my glass and drink to the toast and begin to discuss the entertainment, glancing at the stairs knowingly and as I do I feel light headed. Grasping my head I quickly put the glass on the table moments before my world goes black. “YOU will be MY entertainment later on.” the Master says with a laugh.

Waking up but keeping my eyes shut I shift around a bit, making a barely audible grunt in the process, my attempt to rub my eyes is met with immediate resistance and my eyes fly open and, to my horror I find Im bound. Ropes crossing all over my body as my attention is pulled to the tubes running out of my nose and mouth. The Master playing with my bound form I shift around and make my reawakened state known to him, with a laugh he tells me to relax as I feel plastic push into my urethra I wince at the discomfort. Having another laugh at my expense he leans in close to my face and says “you were never invited to my little party my dear, i simply wanted you here for a little fun for a few days.” and with that he checks that my bindings are secure, arms in a strict bind behind my back, elbows and wrists pressed against their counterparts and then pushed against my back, useless there but I guess thats the idea. My pussy and ass have intruders and they are not small, my ass stretched wide to accommodate my new friend in there and my pussy feels like its near capacity if it isnt already. My clit feels pressure from a suction cup and my new Master, seemingly reading my mind said “it vibrates too.” Im in trouble and I know it, but powerless to stop it. Looking around for anything to help I see a box nearby and a hatch in the floor is raised, my heart skips a beat and a half.

Confirming I am completely trapped he places earpieces in my ears and a hood over my head to lock them in, I can still see and theres holes for my tubes, my hair poking through the back as it always does. Lifting me into the box Im glad to feel and see its padded with foam covered in black silk, I barely fit in there but he manoeuvres me into the box without much difficulty. Pushing my tubes and earpiece cables through the wooden lid, I know that when he closes it I wont be able to open it without first releasing myself, highly unlikely, as he seals me in I feel my new home lifted again and then lowered, landing with a soft thud I hear another lid closing, Im in another, bigger box.

Before I think this could get much worse for me I hear something in my ears, its soft but among the words are “slave.. submit.. property..” its too quiet to make out what words that are in-between.. Drinking in the darkness thats swallowed me my ass, pussy and clit hum to life with a speed that makes me jump, or I would but I could only manage a slight twitch, these binding were too strong for me. Hearing nothing over the humming the words grow louder in my ears! Hearing it clear as if spoken right in front of me its saying “you are now a slave, you will submit as you are now property”. Eyes widening further as it repeats in my ears, its all I can hear, the hum of my tormentors only scratching at the noise Im hearing. Above me, hard at work my new Master has plugged my mouths tube to a tube under the floor, my nose tube running up the legs on the table placed above me, noone will know Im even there at all.

-----------------------------------------------

Waiting patiently on my bed for my Master he enters wearing a black suit, looking incredible as always and seemingly effortless I stand and let him inspect my clothes. “very nice indeed, youll be the life of the party” he says with a smile. Leading me downstairs as someone knocks at the door, the guests have arrived. Standing up straight as my pussy relentlessly pulses juice down my legs I lower my head as the guests enter, Women and Men dressed for a fancy dinner, 3 even bringing slaves of their own. The party begins and everyone has a chance to mingle, I stand at my Masters side as he brags about me to his friends, I wait patiently, unable to speak without permission as a hour passes.

Making his way onto a elevated platform my Master calls for attention. “im so glad so many of you came to enjoy the show, my slave has been denied for days on end with potent drugs keeping her thighs slick with her pre.” pointing at my legs, they shine with my fresh coatings, I blush as everyone looks at me. “let the entertainment commence!” my Master shouts as he takes my hand and pulls the cloth off of a small box on the platform. A Sybian with a large, hollow dildo with holes all over it, it will fill me and collect my juices and cum completely. Without wasting time my Master tears my dress from my body as I scream at the aggressiveness, other men hold my arms as my Master removes my belt from my hips and with a loud clang it hits the floor. Pulling me down Im forced onto the dildo, it sliding effortlessly inside me and metal restraints are secured around my legs and waist, a armbinder goes around my arms and is pulled painfully tight in a way that pulls my elbows together, thrusting my bare breasts out for all to marvel at.

The crowd gazing at me as my Master puts a large glass bowl with a hole in its base on a tube protruding from the ground, clearly, whatever goes in that bowl is going down that tube. My Master doesnt go easy on me as the sybian bursts to life and I start my orgasmic fuelled torture, cumming only microseconds after the first vibration, inserting the dildo having brought me to the brink, within seconds Im screaming again as I cum again and again. My Master pulls a gag out of his pocket and silences my screams as men and women surround me and the men start stroking their cocks while the women rub their clit, being told by my Master to cum in the bowl as much as they want with 4 men obliging immediately, shooting hot cum in the bowl as it flows down the tube to its destination as my eyes roll back into my head, a never-ending orgasmic hell of a day ahead.

-----------------------------------------------

“You are now a Slave, you will Submit as you are now Property.. You are now a Slave, you will Submit as you are now Property” it burns into my mind! Etching itself into my very core as my orgasms continue to crest and flow, my pussy gushing and my blue hair wet with sweat I feel something touch my tongue. Its hot, sticky and tastes weird, opening my eyes in darkness as I realize its cum, and not a small amount either, It keeps flowing into my mouth! Jamming my tongue into the tip of the tube solves nothing as my new Master has drilled holes around the tip to ensure Im getting my food, its slick and coating my throat and Im forced to keep swallowing as my mind fills with my Masters words. “ You are now a Slave, you will Submit as you are now Property.”

-----------------------------------------------

Pleasure beyond imagination, thats all I am now. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm being torn from my pussy with reckless Abaddon with no way to stop it, you tried thrashing around but they simply added a corset and posture collar to make it more fun. Nipples clamps bring the promise of pain and white pads on my thighs speak to a different pain as they light up with electricity. Flowing from 1 pad through my pussy and to the other pad, as well as from nipple to nipple. My screaming now escaping my gag as the currents keep increasing. Orgasms followed by pain only to be dulled by the next orgasm! its endless! a sharp pain on my chest causes me to look for the source, a man holding a flogger, my abused, electrified nipples copping more punishment from a man I dont know while my Master talks to his guests. 5 men now stand, beating off to the orgasming girl before them, cumming in the very full glass bowl and showing no signs of stopping, glancing to the table of food and drinks I see a glass with blue pills in it. This is going to continue for a long time as my Master steps up to me, hard cock in hand. “you must be hungry for something” he says, removing my gag only to replace it with his throbbing cock. Fucking my throat is easy enough at this point, I have no resistance to mount from my orgasmic overload, shooting his load down my throat I swallow as I cum in turn, moaning in a mix of pain and pleasure as the cock is removed. Another cock pushes into my mouth and fucks away, its 1 of my Masters guests making use of me and after he is done the cock is replaced with a soaked pussy, the woman grinding greedily away at my tongues assault on her horny folds.

Now men and women are cumming in the offering bowl, and I see a tube leading from the sybian to above the bowl, a clear fuid running into it, Im contributing to the offerings whether I like it or not, the vibrations increasing in speed catching me off guard I moan into the current pussy sealed around my mouth as my orgasmic pace quickens, now cumming with passion I didnt know I had the fluid from my pipe beating out the cum shooting from the men and women, Im easily besting them all by myself Though they havnt spent days being edged nonstop but if I only knew where it was going I wouldn't be turned on by that. More people join the line-up to fuck my face as I continue cumming. No longer having individual orgasms, they have fused into 1 continuous orgasm pouring cum into the dildo I straddle with reinforced need, I dont want this to end, Im afraid I'll never get a chance to cum again after today my arousal heightens as my mind goes blank.

Awakening in a familiar pose, I realize Im still straddling the sybian and it still going at full speed. Having passed out, even momentarily, my senses are through the roof now as I scream into the cock now in my throat. Cum flowing freely down my dildo and into the bowl as well as down my throat. People have started to calm down around me, the drug induced haze clearing from them, but not me as they are not bolted to a sybian at max speed. 1 by 1 the partygoers leave untill its just me and my Master, and a still maxed out sybian with a stream of cum flowing into the bowl, my Master places a chair infront of me and sits, cock in hand as he plays with his throbbing meat. Taking the opportunity to look around, the house is spotless, the only mess in the room is me with a cum stained face and the bowl before me. Shooting a fresh load into the bowl my Master laughs and walks away, leaving me to moan as the sybian does what it was build to do, and then some.

With a gut full of fresh cum Im unbolted from the hellish device, unable to stand under my own strength my Master carries me to a chair and sits me down, Im amazed Im not sitting on a dildo now, but my pussy feels sadly empty now, spending all day with it inside me I now miss it dearly. My Master turning off the sybian Im led to the showers where he cleans and massages Me, my Master always knew how to reward me after such a marathon. Towelling me off Im amazed that its 8pm already, how time flies when your having fun cumming in a whirl of pleasure, my chastity belt reattached when I return to my room, my ballet boots locked on and a latex hood and gloves are added. With a kiss on your head and a simple “Goodnight my Slave” I lay in bed and instantly fall asleep.

Walking down the stairs My Master stares at a rug under a table with a smile on his face. Turning to set up the next device will be fun knowing the blue haired beauty will be done in a few days time. “Sleep well my new Slave” he mutters under his breath with a laugh.

[thedevilliers]

Hey, I've been reading your story for a while, and I'm enjoying it very much. Following the De Villiers has been so fun, and you've inspired me to create my own royal Simblr!

Can you maybe share some tips about what to do with your royals? I'll be posting my family within the next few weeks, and I have already planned out several engagements + events, including visits to parks/schools/hospitals, parties, and news surrounding a royal pregnancy. I've also planned out the first arc. I don't know what else to do, and I've barely started! If you have any tips related to the beginning of your Simblr that you didn't cover in your other post, I would so appreciate them. I want to get all this nailed down *before* posting, so my blog is the best that it can be.

Also, if you have any advice on how to make things as efficient as possible (especially regarding posing sims, editing/writing posts, etc.), I would love that! I want to cut down on time wasted wherever I can.

Thank you!! :-)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 me?!!?!?! ME ??????? omg 🧍‍♀️ thank u for reading my story 🥺 and AAAAAAAAAAAA your own royal simblr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ill answer everythin under the cut !!!!! spoilers: it got long sorry

first of all, remember we ALL started somewhere. you can look at my first like... fifteen and even MORE posts and they are BAD. oh my gawd idk why i thought they were good, but hey! i learned things from them. you will more than likely change your mind about certain things from the beginning of your blog to who knows, four months from now. don’t focus and worry a lot on ‘perfection’ and setting up ‘high standards’ from the beginning. treat it like a learning curve! this is something we all do for fun, so don’t get stressed a lot on it. you can always change and adapt things and that’s no problem!

i love lists, so im gonna list a few things of advice/tips basing myself on what you said!!!

i personally don't do engagements anymore, so i can't really help you in this regard of even more activities you could do 🧍‍♀️ what i could recommend for people to get to know your characters' personalities and private lives and grow attached to them, add in BTS posts.

continuing on my BTS’ post thing, they are a GREAT way to show more than what the public sees for your royals. because from a press and public point of view, you don't really know 'what goes on behind closed doors'. they could be all happy in public, but in privatE??!??!!?!?

as i said in my starting out guide, i did have around ~15 drafts done before i started posting. just so i could not stress about “oh my god i dont have any posts for tomorrow”. a LOT of ppl do posts and queue them as they go, and they have MANY posts done and usually they start accumulating and they are MONTHS in advance compared to what they’re currently posting. if this method works for you, you can definitely use it!

please, please please read your dialogue OUT loud. is it possible to say a 2093023902 word sentence without a singular use of punctuation? do people in this age and era really talk this way? also please if possible use correct grammar. just a little pet peeve, it can take a reader out of the immersion your story gives them.

we all have our lil dialogue habits. mine is starting sentences with “oh” and the infamous dash “—”. others use ellipses. just make sure you aren’t overdoing it. for example, doing a sentence like “oh— there you are. i was uhm— looking for you. how—how are you? its—i mean where have you uhm— been? yes—ive—ive been fine. you? i mean— your mom” ....just no 😔 it doesnt read well at ALL

you can always do lil filler posts, dont tell anyone tell you otherwise. post a little simstagram post, a little family portrait, updated portraits post, family hanging out, kids hanging out, etc.

for posing sims, i do try and remember where MOST of my poses are in the ingame list. usually creators’ correctly naming the poses helps a lot. for example i need a Mel Bennet pose; hers are usually ALL in the same spot and have the same lil aqua bg so i can easily find them. sometimes, i dl pose packs VERY specifically for a certain scene. am i gonna use them again? no. so i open the .package file in sims4studio and rename them to “00 for emi scene [rest of the og name” so when i open my game, they are around the top of the list! no more scrolling and i easily know what i need it for.

dont be scared to plan things that are happening MONTHS from now or anything in detail. some ppl dont like planning things in detail, or even dont like planning things AT ALL or things that arent happening say, in over 2 weeks because idk, they get bored. i recommend at LEAST having a list of things that HAVE to happen so you have ‘goals’ and you slowly plan out how you’re gonna get there. at LEAST theres some level of planning there. if you’re posting and PLANNING as you go, there’s gonna be holes. and it’s gonna be obvious.

editing wise, i don’t do much. my reshade does most of the work, i just add in my psd, add text and done! this is easily the fastest thing you will ever do.

if you get inspired by someone else doing, idk, a certain layout for the portraits, them adding little things to their captions, a certain edit, etc. if you want to do something similar and you ARE very much aware you were inspired by them, credit them in the caption. i beg. its free, its the nice thing to do, bc if not its rude.

if you get inspired by a certain storyline someone else did and you notice yours is gonna be similar, go ahead and send them a message to let them know and if they have any tips or feel uncomfortable with you doing this. simply put, if you don’t, you’re gonna look bad. we are all bound to do same storylines, such as assassinations, shooty shooty’s, stalkers, first loves, accidental babies, etc. but what changes is how each person approaches it. no ones gonna do it the same way as you and others. if you CONSCIOUSLY start copying else, stop it. and you could even be unconsciously be inspired by someone else too. it happens! just make sure you are able to look at the bigger picture and realize “hey, i’m doing something wrong”

same thing with dialogue. you like a line someone else said in their story? don’t just... steal it and incorporate it into yours word BY WORD

OVERALL: you can be inspired. give credit where it’s due. and don’t copy because someone else is doing ‘something others like’ and you want others to like your story. no no no !

im adding this AFTER i posted it but, be yourself. in the way you interact with others and send questions, etc. don’t try and copy someone else’s personality because they are liked and essentially absorb them. be yourself and i’m sure a lot of ppl will like you the way you are : D

for my writing dialogue etc, this goes back to my point 8. i use milanote, its free and you get 200 free thingies to use, and i plan out how every single one of my posts is gonna go. so i just have to go ingame and i already know what im gonna do. no thoughts, just taking screenshots. for example, this is how a part of my part 2, chapter 3 posts layout looks like. every square is a post that has what is happening, who is in it, what is gonna be said very vaguely, etc:

11. and the most important tip! don’t compare yourself to others. i did it at the beginning. i think we all did at one point. its not good for you at all. please always remember we all are here for share our lil stories with each other and it’s not easy get a following. you’ll get there and its gonna take time. be patient, be nice!!! and i cant wait to see your story!!!!!!!!!!

[starfruits-world]

CC Making Journal day 7- Collars, tailoring, transparent patterns, LODs.

Aka what started as a night full of hope and excitement over nipple lace button downs turns into bowling alley manager uniforms, tiramisu, irl shirt theft, screaming about paint buckets, and disappointment. Yuuri making his cute face is all I can stand. I didnt even go in game for this shirt I was so disappointed. 

First realization- when the mesh is ugly as fuck there is no saving the piece. Just start over. 

Second realization- half sleeve will never be flattering

No matter how these jazzy looking boy pose:

BUt I started off realizing this piece was not a simple 4 piece suit. No- it had many moving parts. So I made my first button down. The original piece had these hideous buttons:

I was pretty happy here.I had, after all, created my first button down with the two pieces n the back, the trim, collar, the whole 9 yards! A certain tofu loving dragon helped me find a collar pattern guide after they caught me blindly making the worst collar known to man on stream. Thank you for your guidance. (I also wasnt sure if the collar was 1,2,or 3 pieces so I stole a shirt from my dads closet. Its still on my bed. I may keep it. He doesnt need it anyway. Its so soft) We were still so naive though. Dofu tried to warn me about the weird sleeve length and frumpy sleeve holes. But I didnt listen. I was too busy screaming:

Yes I did a little peak at the stammi vicino possibilities. I felt so close.But then...

Then... 

It came to open it in S4s...

(at least the white swatch is clean)

And I was met with a huge disappointment. The shoulders are rounded hideously. and the collar stands up weird. And I cant for the love of me figure out where the sim waist pant line is on the Sims 4 male rig for MD. 

Basically I achieved the silhouette “Boy stuffs himself into a button down that is much to small for him” DX I mean if we wanna play chubby Yuuri it works. 

The waist UV didnt copy over from the sim so he has a different body shape. This keeps happening on tops I have partial transparency on so I think this is related to that issue. As I learn more I realize the issues on my cc are all fixable at their various step. Yuuris waist is supposed to be SNATCHED 

Okay some may think the shirt doesnt look bad on Yuuri, right? But I knew something was wrong....when I put it on Victor and his shoulder SUNK INTO HIS BODY: 

THIS IS WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. 

Oh the disappointment I was met with. Victors beautiful broad shoulders. Decimated. 

(Oh speaking of decimate i managed to get this mesh to be under 12k and then I imported it into s4s it JUMPED TO 20K AND I WAS SHOOK LIKE WTF SO OF COURSE MY OTHER 3 LOD DECIMATES WERE ALL HUGE POLY COUNTS. NONE OF THEM NEAR 500 FOR LOD 3). I was annoyed but had bigger monsters with this piece.

Already deterred by some much disappointment, I almost didnt want to continue on. But I roped my friend in again and we went at the Lace texture. BC AS UGLY ASTHE MESH WAS, THE TRANSPARENCY WORKED. SO I failed the war but won the mission. We shared a few pic me up photos of our good boys and powered on. 

And then I found out in PS version 20 there is NO PAINT BUCKET TOOL.

After screaming over no paint buckets (silently bc my discord audio broke) we tried like 10 different methods. I tried to follow along but boyyyy I had no idea what mask laters or rasterize was. I dont even know how to rotate and combine photos in PS. I was in pain. Perhaps I am still traumatized. But not enough to not keep trying.

By then it was 3am and I had inhaled a piece of tirimisu cake to fend off sadness. I ate my late dinner from a paper plate like the sad bachelorette I am and watched again and again as my friend tried to explain how to make the transparency work. 

Eventually they got it to work. I did but I had the pattern too small. So it was useless. 

Anyway, I had to show SOMETHING so I tried Archive actions weird pants that I cant put on literally any outfit bc its clips awfully on the sim and BAM

CANT YOU JUST SEE HIM IN A BOWLING ALLEY?!?!? UGH

Anyway credits to StinkyDofu here on tumblr and the victuuri birb server, Otaku Sim server, random twitter followers who will not see this image or else my follower count will continue to drop, and NO THANK YOU TO HALF SLEEVED SHIRTS. 

Also heads up usually im not a negative person and wont be as harsh on cc to others as I am to myself. But this particular piece was started with such high expectations and the downfall really hurt. But, like I said, this is all for learning so I will keep going. I love this process fully.

It was calming, the boring parts of cc making. Lowering poly with edge loop deleting, extruding edges, uv mapping, texturing. I love the process no one wants to show in their time skips. 

I’ve already linked the tutorials I used in my last journal. So today i’ll advise yall to watch Grafity-cc on youtube for their great speed meshing blender. I would tag but I am but a measly peasant.

Also of course follow StinkyDofu, DroSims, and Poeticfalls for my sim inspo, teachers, and friend groups. 

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding.  (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship?  Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right?  We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk.  I guess it’s overdue.  :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not?  So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah.  Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well.  Low-point.  Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move.  No Breath huh?  What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help.  XD  She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap.  And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh!  No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back.  He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess.  (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh.  Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep!  Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor.  Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME.  What is that outfit and pose.  Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling.  JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap 

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass  (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD.  Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry?  Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars?  Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something?  (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task?  And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch.  Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was.  (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous?  I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~  get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit?  Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no.  Wait.  What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!?  Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES.  God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN!  And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise!  If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!?  And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they??  This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to.  FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad.  Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is.  OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it????  For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing.  And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely.  :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories.  Is it just the Hiveswap device or something?  If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline.  Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation?  What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage!  And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction.  “ok.”  Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility.  Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John.  ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No?  So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck?  Calliope SAW all this?  Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there?  And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already.  Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep.  Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline.  It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck.  You’re going to regulate non-canon?  “Canonize” it?  Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it.  Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point.  Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention!  That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough.  Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit.  Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska.  Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--?  Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?!  I don’t know.  Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there.  But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?!  Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

[wavbleu]

Rodrick heffley: Keep quiet

tw: possession and degrading

~~~~~~~~~

"I cant believe she would do that to you!" you say with a short giggle, you look at Rodricks adorable face and my smile grew bigger knowing that the only time hes genuinely happy and laughing is around you. "I was so totally shocked when she bit me, my dick hurt for like the following week." He stroked his fingers through his semi-short hair and continued on his painful story on how he lost his virginity.

You and Rodrick have been talking for 2 and a half months now, you and him have an extreme connection despite the fact that you are totally opposite. You like to wear softer colored clothes and get good grades in school, and Rodrick well... doesn't. He doesn't give a shit what people think or say about him and just goes the way he wants to, Thats what you've always adored him, you were jealous of that.

Sometimes  you question how your friends with a guy as corrupted as him.

But when ever you converse the words just spill out of you, it actually feels like hes engaged and actually willing to hear more and learn about you. You've never experienced anything like that before. Speaking that most of your exes just used you for sex.

Whenever your around Rodrick, you feel like yourself. What ever you are scared to be in front of everyone else you show it to him and he strangely accepts it. Obviously, you would even consider him your best friend or 'pal' But lately ... the way he touches you isnt very 'pal-like' . Although it may seem like something small, he would massage your knee and work his way down your smooth thigh, stopping right before he reaches your inner thigh; slowly massaging that area and leaves you wanting more of him.

It could be when your hugging and he lowers his hands from your waist to your hips.. Stuff like that may not seem large but it speaks louder and clear that theres sexual tension in the air.

Rodrick finished up his tragic v card story and you both giggled, Rodrick then abruptly stopped laughing and his once loud laugh turned into a snarky smile. "What's with the smirk." you say smiling nervously not knowing what he will do.

"Are you a virgin?" He says, "Nah." You respond back to him. "Ive only had sex with 2 people though."

Yea you weren't a virgin (at all) but man when you had sex it was just beyond awful, terrible. Butterflies grew in your stomach as you watched him bite his cheek in amazement.

"Wow, Little miss Y/N getting freaky in the sheets." he teased, you droopily looked down at your swinging feet hanging off your bed and sighed before admitting, "Well it wasn't exactly good.. if fact it was absolutely dreadful." , "Well i wanna hear this to see if its just as bad as mines."

You adjusted yourself to lean against the white headboard, looking at Rodrick who was seated at the end of the bed. You wrapped your arms around your pillow and started reminiscing on how you lost your virginity at the ripe old age of 17.

"Well it was a party that was at some random guys house.. gee I dont even remember his name... I think it was like tony or something like that.","We were in this small group with other people in our grade, we were bored so we decided to play 7 minutes in heaven.." , "and it was my turn to spin the bottle, sadly."...

flashback

~~~~~

(skip if you dont like the extra length.)

You anxiously spun the bottle, hoping that it would stop on your crush, Luke Hannington.  The bottle spun and everyone watched in awe.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the bottle started to decelerate and fixate on a person.. tense but hopeful , you look up at the person the bottle focused on.

Luke.

You tried to hold back your sheer excitement and joyfulness, but it quickly came to a halt after seeing your crushes nonchalant, monotone, bored face. 'He was probably hoping for someone hotter' you think yourself pathetically.

Everyone sneakily snickered and whispered in each others ears after seeing his disappointed face and disgusted eyes.

You felt like bursting into tears after feeling the way you did. You felt hideous.

"So ill set the timer, the closet is on your left sweetie."  The host said, obviously trying to hold back her sneaky remarks until you get in the closet.

He quickly gets up and speed walks to the closet, you followed, fondling your fingers and biting the skin off your lip.

You got to the closet, atleast he was sweet enough to hold the door open for you.

You sat down on the carpeted floor, hassling all the jackets and coats off of you. Luke frantically searched for the light so we can actually see in this closet and took a seat after.

He closed the door and minutes later you heard it lock from the otherside, "Begin, lovebirds!"

The only thing that began was the pure awkwardness and his uncomfortable glances. "So um.." You tried to start a convo but failed at it miserably, nothing you were doing was working, he would always give this stupid uncomfy look or mess with his collar. You were milliseconds away from kicking the door down and leaving this stupid party.

"Im sorry." he said noticing your frustration, "I dont think your ugly or anything.", "Ive had sex before, but not with strangers."

Stranger. Neat.

Tension arosed in the closet after he asked out of no where, "Have you ever been fingered before?" ,"I think im a pro if i say so myself."

You nodded your head no, "Im a virgin..","Ive always wanted to though.." You tried to say seductively hoping to make him hard.  "Open your legs." He sternly demanded, you obeyed and did just that.

He pulled off your cotton panties and felt you up and down, then awkwardly slid a finger in. You gasp surprised, hoping he would've given more foreplay. "Um.." You moan as he fingered you in an accelerating pace , rubbing your left lip thinking it was your clit.

You felt second hand embarrassment for him, Luke Hannington doesn't know where the clitoris is?

You were drying out and getting turned off by his loud grunts and heavy breathing, actually thinking he was doing something. "Somebody lied to this man.." You said in your head. "No way do i actually have to fake an orgasm for this psychopath to stop."

You prepped yourself and tried replicate the girls off of pornhub, "Oh yes!" you moaned as you shook your legs frantically, a smile grew upon his face as he went faster. "Im gonna-" You dramatically puff your chest up faking an intense orgasm.

He stopped and swiped the sweat off of his forehead, "Good right?" , "Great, i bet you i wont  even be able walk straight!" You moan, you cheesily snapped your fingers and giving him finger guns to throw him off your awful acting.  The timers alarm rung, "Finally." You thought to yourself.

You stood up and walked out of the closet just fine.

You got back to the group who were snickering and giggling like a bunch of pre-schoolers.

~~~~

end of flashback

"Bad but not as bad as mines." He chuckled competitively, "Whatever." You threw a pillow at him. "Ive been cursed with the spell "awful sex." ever since that night." You dramatically say, "Is that so?" , "No guy has been capable of making you cum.. making you scream?" His voice lowered, looking into your eyes with a hot confused look.

"Yea pretty much." You sneakily adjust your skirt so he can see your soft thighs and a sliver of your panties. The room went silent as he looked you up and down, examining your body and its crevices , he licked his lips struggling to control the urge to squish and carress your thighs. He quickly looked down hoping you didnt notice how long he was staring at your body, so hungrily.

"Hey um.. y/n" He said scooting closer to you.

Your breath became heavy and palms began to sweat as you watched him scoot in closer.

"Have you been feeling it too?" his soft deep voice lowering into a erotic whispering tone. "F-feeling what?" You stumble trying to think straight, his eyes were fixated on your lips, he wanted them badly.

"You know.." "The tension?" He slowly rubs your thigh with his huge hands, maneuvering them up your skirt but stopping right before he hit, you know what. You hated that. You nod slowly to his question.

"You told me you never came before?" He questioned, "No.. never." You responded back. He put a stray hair behind your ear, then smoothly rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Can i be your first?"

You nod needily.

Biting your lip before going in for a deep passionate kiss. He wrapped his hand around your waist , scooting you up onto his lap. His hands adventured up your skirt again , grabbing your ass and slapping it. You gasp at the loud sound it made.

"My parents are home Rodrick!" You whisper yelled pulling away from the kiss.

Rodrick continued kissing your neck and ear, gripping your firm ass cheek, not giving a fuck about what anyone says. Like usual.

"Baby i truly don't give a shit, just keep it down." He sternly said.

"Mmm ok.." You moan and roll your head back as he made out with that sweet spot on your neck.

He roughly pinned you down and kissed you more this time exchanging tongue. He pulled away from the compelling kiss leaving a small train of spit

He pulled your panties off smoothly and stared at the sight to see. "Have you ever been fingered before?" He jokingly teased giving a little lightheart to this hot and spicy situation.

He trailed his hands up and down your wet pussy, looking for that spot.

When he finally got his hands on it you let out a small gaspy squeal, "Its right here?" You nod, breath getting faster.

"Yes daddy right there please~" You cry out, "Daddy?" He smirks, He slowly rubs his fingers around your clit. "Im your daddy now?" Rodrick bites his lip, "Then i guess your my little slut then."

"Are you my little slut?"  He asks you, he picks up his pace sending a small tingle down your spine, he giggled mischievously knowing that its gonna be hard for you to respond. You try to catch your breath but moans and shrieks keep cutting your words off.

"Are you my little.. slut?" He slipped in two fingers and fucked your tight hole and worked your g-spot, so much to a point where you had to grasp one of your plushies to keep from screaming. "Alright I guess ill have to make you say yes."

Your eyes roll back as you felt his mouth attach to your clit, swirling his tongue all around your sensitive clit. For the first time you actually wanted to cum..

"I think im gonna-" You bite into a pillow to cover the loud noise you were gonna let out.

Right before you were about to have an intense orgasm, he stopped. Edging you and all your senses. You whined like a little bitch.

"Shut the fuck up." He said unbuckling his pants, "Your gonna take this dick and your gonna like it, alright? alright." He said stroking his rock hard twitching dick before aggressively sliding in.

"My parents- ah-" , " I swear if you mention your parents one more time im gonna throat fuck you."  He said in a pissed off tone.

He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid a pillow under you.  Rodrick continued to fuck up into you, hitting that one spot again, and again, and again; and just to torture you, he rubbed your clit you were experiencing bliss, euphoria.

Rodrick swiftly took your legs off his shoulder and spread them wide open so he could get a deeper fuck, "stupid slut your legs are trembling." , "You really like me fucking you hard, hitting that spot just perfectly even when your parents are just sitting in their room ; feet away? " ,"Now when i ask this again, i want a response."

"are you my little slut?" He whispered into your ears, you moaned loudly and threw your head back, "Yes!", "Yes daddy, im your slut." ," I want your parents to fucking hear." He looked you deep in the eyes waiting for your response.

"Yes daddy im your slut.." You moaned loudly.

He grasped on your waist and pounded deep into you, the claps of your skin, the loud moans, at that point you forgot you even HAD parents.

He kept fucking into your tight cunt relentlessly, hitting every single spot perfectly. Humanly impossible.

"Cum whore i know you wanna." Rodrick says, you open your mouth but no moans come out.. that was it . You were actually gonna cum... Your legs began to shake and tumble ,  it felt like a large sneeze but in your stomach. "Im gonna-" You could barely get out.

You released yourself onto his cock, "Fucking hell." He said as he couldn't bare to last any longer. He pulled out of you and came onto your tired cunt.

"Damn baby." He groaned putting his softening dick away. "was it good?" He hopefully said, "It was amazing." You responded back excitedly.

That stupid curse is gone, yay!

Everything was good until you heard loud footsteps seconds away from your door.

~~~~~~~

Authors note:

This is a pretty long story but i actually enjoyed writing these ones, rodrick was my first story on this book (and my most popular) so you know i had to do the mf again🙄 pegging and femboy kink coming soon⚠️