#i drew this back in july of last year i believe ?

[bblgumgum]

my contribution to the wonderful @hws-anthology !!!

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

You can call me babe...not just for the weekend | Conrad Fisher x Reader

Advent calendar day seven: Tis the damn season

Summary: You and Conrad explore a road you never did before when come back to your hometown for the holidays

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—

Bundled in your warm coat and scarf, you walked down the streets of Boston with a cup of hot coffee in your right hand, looking for last minute presents while drinking in the feeling of home. Around you, the shops were adorned with twinkling holiday lights, painting a very different picture than in Los Angeles’s December. Especially with the light layers of snow all over the city. 

Although you loved living in Los Angeles, there was nothing better than a snow-y Christmas. 

You missed it the past two years. 

The faint scent of fresh fir and pine coming from the Christmas tree market at the end of the street brought a nostalgic smile to your lips. When you were little, your dad would let you pick a tree — which was always way too big for the living room.  

You entered the bookshop, browsing around for a possible novel to read during your vacation when your eyes caught a familiar face between the aisles. 

‘’Conrad?’’

Hearing his name, the brunet lifted his gaze. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. You. In Boston. 

‘’Hi,’’ he said, completely struck. 

You walked over to him, pausing your shopping, and Conrad put down the book he was holding. 

‘’I haven’t seen you in a while. It’s good to see you.’’ 

He had changed — grown — since you last saw him. His hair was a bit longer at the back and his jawline was sharper, but he still had that navy sweater he wore to every Christmas party at school. It has reindeers and snowflakes on it. 

‘’I just got here last night,’’ he explained, giving you a small smile that fell soon after, as if regretting it. ‘’I didn't know you were coming this Christmas.’’ 

‘’I was beginning to miss the snow,’’ you said, then took a sip of your coffee. ‘’How’s your mom?’’ 

Conrad was relieved for a conversation shifter. ‘’She’s great.’’ He smiled again. ‘’We’re hosting a massive Christmas dinner this year and, you know her, she went all out. She turned our house into a place that looks like it came straight from a cheesy Hallmark holiday movie.’’

A chuckle spilled from your lips. Susannah always loved holidays — 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas. She tended to go a bit overboard with the decorations, but she always prepared the most delicious feasts for her guests. Although she was no Martha Stewart, her dinner table was one for the magazines. 

‘’Did your dad put the big star at the top of the house? I couldn’t see it from my window last night.’’

‘’Eh, no.. He didn’t…’’ You could sense that Conrad was holding something back, something he didn’t know how to tell you.  ‘’Dad moved out last summer. He…’’ There was a short pause before he spilled the truth, having never said it out loud before. ‘’He cheated on my mom.’’ 

Your stomach sank and your heart ached for Susannah. You never would have taken Mr. Fisher for a cheater, but you can never really know someone.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’Why for? You’re not the one who had an affair with his secretary,’’ Conrad said, clearly still pissed about the situation and resenting his dad. Getting a silence from you, Conrad took back his words. ‘’I should not have said that…’’

You shook your head. ‘’It’s okay,’’ you assured him. ‘’Is Jeremiah coming for the holidays? He’s in college now, right?’’ 

‘’Yeah. Him and Belly both go to Finch, so they are driving together tonight. Steven should get here tomorrow.’’

Steven. You hadn’t heard of him in a while. The last time you spoke to him was to congratulate him for getting into Princeton. The big news was the reason why you had changed his name for Princeton boy on your phone. It was a nod to one of your favorite movies — A Cinderella story.

A smile drew on your lips. ‘’Seems like everyone is back in town this year.’’ 

‘’Like the old days,’’ Conrad confirmed, his smile tighter than yours.

⁂

The second time you ran into one of the Fisher brothers, you were getting lunch by yourself at your old favorite café and typing a few lines for your next novel. Christmas chaos had started at home and writing was impossible with your mother’s holiday music blasting while she was working on tomorrow’s dinner. 

You heard him before you saw him. 

‘’Oh my god, am I seeing right?’’ 

You raised your head, recognizing the dark blond curls spilling from under his hat that just entered the café. He skipped the counter and went straight for your table, pulling you in for a hug.

‘’I can’t believe you’re here! It’s been so long,’’ Jeremiah said, his smile so big you would think he had won a trip to Cabo. 

You talked for a few minutes, catching up on small things, but he unfortunately couldn’t stay long as he was meeting with Belly to go Christmas shopping. You wished them good luck, the shopping malls likely chaotic forty-eight hours before Christmas. 

‘’Before I go, there’s a huge New Year party at Este’ house next week,’’ Jeremiah informed, fixing his jacket and grabbing his coffee from the table. ‘’Everyone is gonna be there. You should come.’’

It was kind of him to invite you, but you were hesitant. 

‘’I haven’t spoken to anyone since moving across the country, I doubt they’ll want me there…’’ 

Jeremiah tilted his head, giving you a look. ‘’Don’t say that. I’m sure someone will be interested in hearing about all of your celebrity friends. If you tell anyone you’ve met Ariana Grande in a restaurant, they’ll want to be best friends.’’ 

You shook your head. Of course he would mention Ariana Grande. The two of you used to sing her music in the car and have midnight release parties every time a new album came out. 

‘’I don’t have any celebrity friends to gossip about. And if I did, I would be a bad friend for gossiping about them at a party in my hometown.’’ 

⁂

A Hallmark holiday rom-com was playing on TV when you received a text from Conrad. His contact picture was a selfie of you and him at the beach in Cousins. You visited him for the 4th of July the summer before you parted ways to different colleges. 

From Conrad: Do you want to drive around and look at Christmas lights together?

A smile drew across your face. It was an old tradition from when you were kids. The two of you would walk around the neighborhood on the first night of Christmas break and look at all the decorated houses. You always looked forward to that special night. Then, when Conrad got his license, you broadened your itinerary to other neighborhoods and added hot chocolates and stolen holiday desserts from your respective houses to the tradition. 

You didn’t bother changing out of your pajamas, adding a sweater over your shirt and slipping on your boots before heading out. 

‘’Where’s your coat?’’ Conrad asked when you opened the passenger door and got in.

‘’We’re staying in the car, I don’t need it,’’ you replied, closing the door and pulling your seatbelt.

Conrad sighed and turned the heater higher. 

‘’I’m gonna be honest, I was surprised to get a text from you. I got the impression that you weren't as pleased to see me as I was yesterday.’’

‘’No. It wasn’t that,’’ he assured, taking his eyes off the road to look at you briefly. ‘’To me, it was unlikely that you would come to Boston again since your life is in Los Angeles now. I was just shocked to see you in town.’’ 

 A teasing smile curled on your face. ‘’Aw, you were starstruck by me?’’

‘’I didn't say starstruck…’’ Conrad protested, shaking his head as you twisted his words around.  

The conversation was quickly dropped, something massive and green catching your attention on your side of the street. ‘’Oh, look on my left, they dressed up their 50 feet skeleton in a Grinch costume!’’ 

⁂

‘’What are you doing here?’’ your mother asked, her arms crossed as swatched you in the kitchen making yourself a cup of tea on New Year’s eve, eyeing you with a mixture of disbelief and surprise.

You gave her a confused look, a teaspoon in one hand and a teabag dangling from the other. ‘’I’m on vacation… Mom, did you have too much eggnog or something?’’ 

‘’I mean, what are you doing at home on New Year’s eve? Don’t you have a party to go to? I’m sure your old friends missed you.’’

Letting out a sigh, you resumed preparing your tea, pouring hot water into the cup. ‘’Jeremiah invited me, but I don’t think I’m gonna be going. We can watch Ryan Seacrest’s Rockin New Year together—’’ 

Your mother leaned against the kitchen counter, a faint frown on her face. ‘’You should go. No twenty-year-old should stay at home on New Year’s eve,’’ she insisted, glancing at the clock on the wall. ‘’Is Conrad gonna be there?’’ 

You shrugged, stirring the tea. ‘’I don’t know.’’

She pointed at your cup. ‘’Give me that tea and get ready for that party.’’ 

⁂

Leave it to you to be overdressed at a small town New Year party. Since moving to Los Angeles, you had to level up to their standards of fashion, but now you were sticking out like a sore thumb in this suburban crowd.

You walked further into the house, trying to find familiar faces, but you didn’t recognize half of them. They must have recognized you by the sour look they gave you. You couldn’t tell if it was because of your dress or because they didn’t like that you were at the party.  You tried to ignore them. There was a reason you left town and it wasn’t only for bigger career opportunities. 

‘’Happy new year!’’ Belly greeted over the loud music, grinning excitedly with a red cup in her hand and a pair of ‘2024’ gold glasses on her face. She pulled you in a hug, giving you a better welcome than your old classmates. She held you at arm’s length, looking you up and down. ‘’Wow, that dress looks so good. It’s like a mirrorball.’’ 

You smiled and thanked her for the compliment. ‘’You don’t think it’s too much?’’ 

She shook her head. ‘’It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed,’’ she assured you, quoting Susannah. ‘’Come. Steven has been talking about you non-stop since Jeremiah told him you were in town and coming to the party.’’ Belly gave the boys a glance on the other side of the room, both talking by the windows, then pulled you through the sea of people. 

‘’There she is,’’ Steven exclaimed when seeing you approach, being the last of the group to see you. 

You pulled him in a short hug. ‘’Hey, Steven.’’ 

Seeing your empty hands, Jeremiah offered to get you a drink. He enumerated the small selection available in Este’s kitchen, but your attention was drawn away when you caught Conrad sitting with a couple of friends on the couches with a beer in hand. Your eyes lingered on him more than necessary. You couldn’t help it, he looked so handsome in a button up and sweater. 

‘’So, which one is going to be?’’ Jeremiah said, still waiting for your choice of drink.

As the night went on, you lost sight of him. You and Belly laughed while the boys did karaoke, duetting musicals and acing every song. Parties in Los Angeles were not as laid back. Everyone would have booed if someone had pulled out the karaoke machine. 

Steven was in the middle of an impressive solo when you caught Conrad heading outside to the balcony. You glanced at your friends, then back at the sliding door, and excused yourself to the bathroom. You came to the party in hopes to see him, you couldn’t not talk to him.

As you stepped onto the balcony, the cool night air enveloped you, causing goosebumps to rise on your barely covered skin. Even with tights, that dress was not approved for the winter chill. Trying to ignore the high chances of catching a cold, you walked up to Conrad, who was leaning against the railing, gazing at the illuminated neighborhood by himself.

‘’I’ve been looking for you,’’ you said, your voice breaking the silence. 

‘’Me?’’

You hummed, joining him in his gazing. ‘’Aren't you cold out here?’’ 

‘’No, not really.’’ He shifted his eyes to you, noticing the absence of a coat over your shoulders. ‘’You sure are cold.’’ 

You chuckled, rubbing your arms in a futile attempt to generate warmth. ‘’Maybe a little.’’

Without asking, Conrad pulled you closer, wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulders. ‘’Better?’’ 

You leaned into his side, a smile gracing your lips as the woodsy undertones of his cologne enveloped your senses with every breath. ‘’Better.’’ 

‘’How was your Christmas?’’ he asked.

‘’Great.’’ Your answer came across as cold, but it wasn’t intentional. ‘’Did Susannah make you wear matching Christmas sweaters again?’’

Conrad groaned, confirming that she did. ‘’She got us matching pajama bottoms too, this year. It’s horrendous.’’

‘’I’m sure you looked cute— that it was cute,’’ you quickly corrected. 

‘’I assure you, it was not,’’ Conrad denied, shaking his head at the memories. ‘’Mom put reindeer ears on Jeremiah’s head for the family portrait and I had a Santa hat.’’ 

You could totally imagine Conrad in a Santa hat and Christmas pajamas. 

‘’Conrad?’’ He hummed, waiting for you to continue. ‘’Do you ever think of us? The ‘us’ before I moved to California?’’ 

The two of you were very close since third grade, but once you moved to California, you got radio silence from Conrad. No texts. No phone calls. Nothing. 

‘’What do you mean?’’ 

You distanced yourself from him, preferring to be cold rather than close to someone who was playing fool. ‘’You know what I mean.’’

‘’You’re going back to L.A. in a couple of days. It doesn’t matter…’’ 

‘’It does!’’ you finally said, a mix of emotions coating your voice. ‘’I miss us. I miss us everyday, and after these past days, I don’t think I can go back to not speaking to you. I’m asking you one last time, Conrad, if you miss us too, please say it so we can stop acting like stupid teenagers and face what this is like adults.’’ 

Inside the house, you could hear people loudly counting down to midnight, meaning there wasn’t much time left. 

Talking about feelings was always difficult with Conrad. He preferred to bottle them and be miserable instead of facing them. 

‘’Of course I do,’’ he admitted with a rare vulnerability. ‘’No one matters more to me than you.’’

You didn’t hear the countdown reaching its end when you leaned up and pressed your lips against his, finally exploring the road untraveled by. You thought it would feel strange to cross the friendship line, but it wasn’t. It was easy and comfortable. 

Conrad pulled you back to him with a hand on the small of your back, the sequins of your dress scratching his skin. You wrapped your arms around his neck, as if you were scared he would break the kiss too soon or just…run.

When the kiss did break, Conrad didn’t run. He was smiling down at you as cheers roared from inside the house, the clock having struck midnight. 

‘’It almost doesn’t feel real,’’ you said, looking into his beautiful eyes. 

Conrad leaned down to kiss you again. ‘’How about now?’’ He had an ever present smile on his lips, the kind of smile that couldn’t be broken by anything. The kind of smile that was from pure happiness. 

Starting to feel too cold, the two of you headed back inside to grab your coat and leave. As you were maneuvering through the people, Jeremiah didn’t fail to notice Conrad’s hand holding yours. He elbowed Belly, who squealed excitedly.

—

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[targaryenstone]

George Martin's last blog post (now deleted) about House of the Dragon S02

Beware the Butterflies

Back in July, I promised you some further thoughts about Blood and Cheese… and Maelor the Missing… after my commentary on the first two episodes of HotD season 2, “A Son for a Son” and “Rhaenyra the Cruel.”

Those were terrific episodes: well written, well directed, powerfully acted. A great way to kick off the new season. Fans and critics alike seemed to agree. There was only one aspect of the episodes that drew significant criticism: the handling of Blood and Cheese, and the death of Prince Jaehaerys. From the commentary I saw on line, opinion was split there. The readers of FIRE & BLOOD found the sequence underwhelming, a disappointment, watered down from what they were expecting. Viewers who had not read the book had no such problems. Most of them found the sequence a real gut-punch, tragic, horrifying, nightmarish, etc. Some reported being reduced to tears.

I found myself agreeing with both sides.

In my book, Aegon and Helaena have three children, not two. The twins, Jaehaerys and Jaehaera, are six years old. They have a younger brother, Maelor, who is two. When Blood and Cheese break in on Helaena and the kids, they tell her they are debt collectors come to exact revenge for the death of Prince Lucerys: a son for a son. As Helaena has two sons, however, they demand that she choose which one should die.

She resists and offers her own life instead, but the killers insist it has to be a son. If she does not name one, they will kill all three of the children. To save the life of the twins, Helaena names Maelor. But Blood kills the older boy, Jaehaerys, instead, while Cheese tells little Maelor that his mother wanted him dead.(Whether the boy is old enough to understand that is not at all certain).

That’s not how it happens on the show. There is no Maelor in HOUSE OF THE DRAGON, only the twins (both of whom look younger than six, but I am no sure judge of children’s ages, so I can’t be sure how old they are supposed to be). Blood can’t seem to tell the twins apart, so Helaena is asked to reveal which one is the boy. (You would think a glance up his PJs would reveal that, without involving the mother). Instead of offering her own life to save the kids, Helaena offers them a necklace. Blood and Cheese are not tempted. Blood saws Prince Jaehaerys’s head off. We are spared the sight of that; a sound effect suffices. (In the book, he lops the head off with a sword).

It is a bloody, brutal scene, no doubt. How not? An innocent child is being butchered in front of his mother. I still believe the scene in the book is stronger. The readers have the right of that.

The two killers are crueler in the book. I thought the actors who played the killers on the show were excellent… but the characters are crueler, harder, and more frightening in FIRE & BLOOD. In the show, Blood is a gold cloak. In the book, he is a former gold cloak, stripped of his office for beating a woman to death. Book Blood is the sort of man who might think making a woman choose which of her sons should die is amusing, especially when they double down on the wanton cruelty by murdering the boy she tries to save.

Book Cheese is worse too; he does not kick a dog, true, but he does not have a dog, and he’s the one who tells Maelor that his mom wants him head. I would also suggest that Helaena shows more courage, more strength in the book, by offering her own life to save her son. Offering a piece of jewelry is just not the same.

As I saw it, the “Sophie’s Choice” aspect was the strongest part of the sequence, the darkest, the most visceral. I hated to lose that. And judging from the comments on line, most of the fans seemed to agree.

When Ryan Condal first told me what he meant to do, ages ago (back in 2022, might be) I argued against it, for all these reasons. I did not argue long, or with much heat, however. The change weakened the sequence, I felt, but only a bit. And Ryan had what seemed to be practical reasons for it; they did not want to deal with casting another child, especially a two-year old toddler.

Kids that young will inevitably slow down production, and there would be budget implications. Budget was already an issue on HOUSE OF THE DRAGON, it made sense to save money wherever we could. Moreover, Ryan assured me that we were not losing Prince Maelor, simply postponing him. Queen Helaena could still give birth to him in season three, presumably after getting with child late in season two. That made sense to me, so I withdrew my objections and acquiesced to the change.

I still love the episode, and the Blood and Cheese sequence overall. Losing the “Helaena’s Choice” beat did weaken the scene, but not to any great degree. Only the book readers would even notice its absence; viewers who had never read FIRE & BLOOD would still find the scenes heart-rending. Maelor did not actually DO anything in the scene, after all. How could he? He was only two years old.

There is another aspect to the removal of the young princeling, however.

Those of you who hate spoilers should STOP READING HERE. Spoilers will follow, at least for the readers among you. If you have never read FIRE & BLOOD, maybe it does not matter, because all I am going to “spoil” here are things that happen in the book that may NEVER happen on the series. Starting with Maelor himself.

Sometime between the initial decision to remove Maelor, a big change was made. The prince’s birth was no longer just going to be pushed back to season 3. He was never going to be born at all. The younger son of Aegon and Helaena would never appear.

Most of you know about the Butterfly Effect, I assume.

Yes, there was a movie with that title a few years back. It’s a familiar concept in chaos theory as well. But most science fiction fans were first exposed to the idea in Ray Bradbury’s classic time travel story, “A Sound of Thunder,” wherein a time traveler from the present panics and crushes a butterfly while hunting a T-Rex. When he returns to his own time, he discovers that the world has changed in huge and frightening ways. One dead butterfly has rewritten history. The lesson being that change begets change, and even small and seemingly insignificant alterations to a timeline — or a story — can have a profound effect on all that follows.

Maelor is a two year old toddler in FIRE & BLOOD, but like our butterfly he has an impact on the story all out of proportion to his size. The readers among you may recall that when it appears that Rhaenyra and her blacks are about to capture King’s Landing, Queen Alicent becomes concerned for the safety of Helaena’s remaining children, and takes steps to save them by smuggling them out of the city. The task is given is two knights of the Kingsguard. Ser Willis Fell is commanded to deliver Princess Jaehaera to the Baratheons at Storm’s End, while Maelor is given over to Ser Rickard Thorne to be escorted across the Mander to the protection of the Hightower army on its way to King’s Landing.

Willis Fell delivers Jaehaera safely to the Baratheons at Storm’s End, but Ser Rickard fares less well. He and Maelor get as far as Bitterbridge, where he is revealed as a Kingsuard in a tavern called the Hogs Head. Once discovered, Ser Rickard fights bravely to protect his young charge and bring him to safety, but he does not even make it across the bridge before some crossbows bring him down, Prince Maelor is torn from his arms.. and then, sadly, ripped to pieces by the mob fighting over the boy and the huge reward that Rhaenyra has offered for his capture and return.

Will any of that appear on the show? Maybe… but I don’t see how. The butterflies would seem to prohibit it. You could perhaps make Ser Rickard’s ward be Jaehaera instead of Maelor, but Jaehaera can’t be killed, she has a huge role to play as Aegon’s next heir. Could maybe make Maelor a newborn instead of a two year old, but that would scramble up the timeline, which is a bit of a mess already. I have no idea what Ryan has planned — if indeed he has planned anything — but given Maelor’s absence from episode 2, the simplest way to proceed would be just to drop him entirely, lose the bit where Alicent tries to send the kids to safety, drop Rickard Thorne or send him with Willis Fell so Jaehaera has two guards.

From what I know, that seems to be what Ryan is doing here. It’s simplest, yes, and may make sense in terms of budgets and shooting schedules. But simpler is not better. The Bitterbridge scene has tension, suspense, action, bloodshed, a bit of heroism and a lot of tragedy. Rickard Thorne is a tertiary character at best, most viewers (as opposed to readers) will never know he is gone, since they never knew him at all… but I rather liked giving him his brief moment of heroism, a taste of the courage and loyalty of the Kingsguard, regardless of whether they are black or green.

The butterflies are not done with us yet, however. In the book, when word of Prince Maelor’s death and the grisly manner of his passing (pp. 505) reaches the Red Keep, that proves to be the thing that drives Queen Helaena to suicide. She could barely stand to look at Maelor, knowing that she chose him to die in the “Sophie’s Choice” scene… and now he is dead in truth, her words having come true. The grief and guilt are too much for her to bear.

In Ryan’s outline for season 3, Helaena still kills herself… for no particular reason. There is no fresh horror, no triggering event to overwhelm the fragile young queen.

And the final butterfly follows soon thereafter.

Queen Helaena, a sweet and gentle soul, is much beloved by the smallfolk of King’s Landing. Rhaenyra was not, so when rumors began to arise that Helaena did not kill herself, but rather was murdered at Rhaenyra’s command, the commons are quick to believe them. “That night King’s Landing rose in bloody riot,” I wrote on p.506 of FIRE & BLOOD. It is the beginning of the end for Rhaenyra’s rule over the city, ultimately leading to the Storming of the Dragonpit and the rise of the Shepherd’s mob that drives Rhaenyra to flee the city and return to Dragonstone… and her death.

Maelor by himself means little. He is a small child, does not have a line of dialogue, does nothing of consequence but die… but where and when and how, that does matter. Losing Maelor weakened the end of the Blood and Cheese sequence, but it also cost us the Bitterbridge scene with all its horror and heroism, it undercut the motivation for Helaena’s suicide, and that in turn sent thousands into the streets and alleys, screaming for justice for their “murdered” queen. None of that is essential, I suppose… but all of it does serve a purpose, it all helps to tie the story lines together, so one thing follows another in a logical and convincing manner.

What will we offer the fans instead, once we’ve killed these butterflies? I have no idea. I do not recall that Ryan and I ever discussed this, back when he first told me they were pushing back on Aegon’s second son. Maelor himself is not essential… but if losing him means we also lose Bitterbridge, Helaena’s suicide, and the riots, well… that’s a considerable loss.

And there are larger and more toxic butterflies to come, if HOUSE OF THE DRAGON goes ahead with some of the changes being contemplated for seasons 3 and 4….

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal Constitution

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

July 30, 2024

Heather Cox Richardson

Jul 31, 2024

On Friday, speaking to Christians at the Turning Point Action Believers’ Summit in West Palm Beach, Florida, Trump begged the members of the audience to “vote. Just this time. You won’t have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what: it’ll be fixed, it’ll be fine…. In four years, you don’t have to vote again, we’ll have it fixed so good you’re not going to have to vote.”

The comment drew a lot of attention, and on Monday, Fox News Channel personality Laura Ingraham gave him a chance to walk the statement back. Instead, he said: “I said, vote for me, you’re not going to have to do it ever again. It’s true.” “Don’t worry about the future. You have to vote on November 5. After that, you don’t have to worry about voting anymore. I don’t care, because we’re going to fix it. The country will be fixed and we won’t even need your vote anymore, because frankly we will have such love, if you don’t want to vote anymore, that’s OK.”

Trump’s refusal to disavow the idea that putting him back into power will mean the end of a need for elections is chilling and must be viewed against the backdrop of the Supreme Court’s July 1, 2024, decision in Donald J. Trump v. United States. In that decision, written by Chief Justice John Roberts, the court’s right-wing majority said that presidents cannot be prosecuted for crimes committed as part of a president’s “official duties” and that presidents should have a presumption of immunity for other presidential actions. 

John Roberts defends the idea of a strong executive and has fought against the expansion of voting rights made possible by the 1965 Voting Rights Act. The idea that it is dangerous to permit minorities and women to vote suggests that there are certain people who should run the country. That tracks with a recently unearthed video in which Republican vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance calls childless people “psychotic” and “deranged,” and refers unselfconsciously to “America’s leadership class.” 

The idea that democracy must be overturned in order to enable a small group of leaders to restore virtue to a nation is at the center of the “illiberal democracy” or “Christian democracy” championed by Hungarian prime minister Viktor Orbán. Orbán’s imposition of an authoritarian Christian nationalism on a former democracy, in turn, has inspired the far-right figures that are currently in charge of the Republican Party. As Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts put it: “Modern Hungary is not just a model for conservative statecraft but the model.”

Kevin Roberts has called for “institutionalizing Trumpism” and pulled together dozens of right-wing institutions behind the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 to create a blueprint for a second Trump term. Those who created Project 2025 are closely connected to the Trump team, and Trump praised its creators and its ideas. 

Today, The New Republic published the foreword Vance wrote for Kevin Roberts’s forthcoming book. Vance makes it clear he sees Kevin Roberts and himself as working together to create “a fundamentally Christian view of culture and economics.” Like others on the Christian right, Vance argues that “the Left” has captured the country’s institutions and that those institutions must be uprooted and those in them replaced with right-wing Christians in order to restore what they see—inaccurately—as traditional America.  

That determination to disrupt American institutions fits neatly with the technology entrepreneurs who seem to believe that they are the ones who should control the nation’s future. Vance is backed by Silicon Valley libertarian Peter Thiel, who put more than $10 million behind Vance’s election to the Senate. In 2009, Thiel wrote “I no longer believe that freedom and democracy are compatible.” 

“The 1920s were the last decade in American history during which one could be genuinely optimistic about politics,” he wrote. “Since 1920, the vast increase in welfare beneficiaries and the extension of the franchise to women—two constituencies that are notoriously tough for libertarians—have rendered the notion of ‘capitalist democracy’ into an oxymoron.” 

Thiel set Vance up to invest in companies that made him wealthy and touted Vance for the vice presidential slot, and in turn, the Silicon Valley set are expecting Vance to help get rid of the regulation imposed by the Biden administration and to push cryptocurrency. Trump appears to be getting on board with comments about how the tech donors are “geniuses,” praising investor Elon Musk and saying, “We have to make life good for our smart people.” In a piece that came out Sunday, Washington Post reporters Elizabeth Dwoskin, Cat Zakrzewski, Nitasha Tiku, and Josh Dawsey credited the influence of Thiel and other tech leaders for turning Vance from a Never-Trumper to a MAGA Republican. 

Judd Legum of Popular Information reported today that the cryptocurrency industry is investing heavily in the 2024 election, with its main super PAC raising $202 million in this cycle. Three large cryptocurrency companies are investing about $150 million in pro-crypto congressional candidates. 

On Saturday, Trump said he would make the U.S. “the crypto capital of the planet and the Bitcoin superpower of the world.” He promised to end regulations on cryptocurrency, which, because it is not overseen by governments, is prone to use by criminals and rogue states. That regulation is “a part of a much larger pattern that’s being carried out by the same left-wing fascists to weaponize government against any threat to their power,” Trump said. “They’ve done it to me.”

But the problem that those trying to get rid of the modern administrative state continue to run up against is that voters actually like a government that regulates business, provides a basic social safety net, promotes infrastructure, and protects civil rights. In recent days, Minnesota governor Tim Walz has been articulating how popular that government is as he makes the television rounds.

On Sunday, CNN’s Jake Tapper listed some of Walz’s policies—he passed background checks for guns, expanded LGBTQ protections, instituted free breakfast and lunch for school kids—and asked if they made Walz vulnerable to Trump calling him a “big government liberal.” Walz joked that he was, indeed, a “monster.” 

“Kids are eating and having full bellies so they can go learn, and women are making their own health care decisions, and we’re a top five business state, and we also rank in the top three of happiness…. The fact of the matter is,” where Democratic policies are implemented, “quality of life is higher, the economies are better…educational attainment is better. So yeah, my kids are going to eat here, and you’re going to have a chance to go to college, and you’re going to have an opportunity to live where we're working on reducing carbon emissions. Oh, and by the way, you’re going to have personal incomes that are higher, and you’re going to have health insurance. So if that’s where they want to label me, I’m more than happy to take the label.” 

The extremes of Project 2025 have made it clear that the Republicans intend to destroy the kind of government Walz is defending and replace it with an authoritarian president imposing Christian nationalism. And when Americans hear what’s in Project 2025, they overwhelmingly oppose it. Trump has tried without success to distance himself from the document. 

He and his team have also hammered on the Heritage Foundation for their public revelations of their plans, and today the director of Project 2025, Paul Dans, stepped down. The Trump campaign issued a statement reiterating—in the face of a mountain of evidence to the contrary—that Trump had nothing to do with Project 2025 and adding: “Reports of Project 2025’s demise would be greatly welcomed and should service as notice to anyone or any group trying to misrepresent their influence with President Trump and his campaign—it will not end well for you.” 

The Harris campaign responded to the news by saying that “Project 2025 is on the ballot because Donald Trump is on the ballot. This is his agenda, written by his allies, for Donald Trump to inflict on our country. Hiding the 920-page blueprint from the American people doesn’t make it less real—in fact, it should make voters more concerned about what else Trump and his allies are hiding.” 

The reasoning behind the idea of a strong executive, or a “leadership class” that does not have to answer to voters, is that an extremist minority needs to take control of the American government away from the American people because the majority doesn’t like the policies the extremists want. 

When Trump begs right-wing Christians to turn out for just one more election, he is promising that if only we will put him into the White House once and for all, we will never again have to worry about having a say in our government. As Trump put it: “The country will be fixed and we won’t even need your vote anymore.”

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

HELLO AGAIN EVERYONE my tummy aches but im being brave about it and im going to fight the pain with the power of love and friendship (aka im going to thank you for the christmas tree messages)

okay let me be emotional for a moment...

because of the current circumstances at home, this Christmas was very different and much lonelier for me. i did my best not to get the blues and i think it was okay for the most part! now looking back at it, without a doubt, the highlight of my Christmas this year was reading the tree messages. it was very late in the night, i had just finished reading Napo's story event route and i saved the best part for desert, barely containing my excitement to finally read the messages. and i expected just a row of "merry christmas"-es 😭 you know, because, i did that? i kept mine all short and i was just shouting some wishes at you.... BUT NO, YOU OUTDID YOURSELVES IN TURN! WHAT WAS THAT! i was right there sobbing in my bed being all "?????" .... i seriously didn't expect 1) to have so many because i did the tree very last minute 2) to receive such sweet messages...

and then i realized, was my Christmas really all that lonely? because, just 3-4 years ago, i didn't know any of you here. before that i never was more than a lurker in online spaces so... i think that's when i had truly lonely christmases, not now. thank you for being here. i don't deserve you... no im sorry if you hate it when i say that, pretend that i didnt say it ( i lowkey think that) (im sorry im in my low self esteem era these past months)

OKAY SO

thank you person called Bread, thank you Lorei for being the first sob of my sob session, it's all YOUR fault that i got so emotional oh my god im totally dm-ing you after this, thank you irl bestie who not only left me a sweet personal message but also roleplayed my faves for me because i screamed (you heard it), thank you kat for your three messages that made me feel all kind of emotions (im touched that youre willing to write this even if i feel like im going to hate it), THANK YOU NINNI HUGS BACK!, thank you Ally i know it was you. using roy to threaten me with a good time.... smh... MERRY CRIMMY SCUM!!!!, YAY TO YOU TOO, SOLACE!! Thank you aqua, you're right, he's good to me 🥺 just as chev is to you, i believe! THANK YOU DREW im still thinking about it. Thank you Fang, I could say the same and you know it 🥺, THANK YOU DEVON!! Thank you so much Ana, I too hope the same, I'm glad I became your mutual! 🥹 Same goes to you too, Oliver! I'm just always so happy to see new faces around, truth is im a little bit shy with interactions at first because i feel annoying... so thank you for becoming my moot! 🙇🏻‍♀️💗 Thank you, sweet Julie 🥹 THANK YOY MYARA, I CRIED A LITTLE! right back at ya, i think that you're an irreplaceable part of our little space and im just so glad to be here and see everything you do and share with us! hope your 2024 is full of joy both on here and irl ❤ Thank you mimi, i feel the same and you better not forget that! Thank you Michelle, love you too!!! THANK YOU, NAMI! Thank you, Impromptu!!!!! Thank you Nori!!!!!!!!! And thank you sui you're so right as ever. nods.

i think thats all im so sorry if i forgot anyone ALSO im so sorry for doing this. i tried to keep my responses vague in case you wanted these to be extra private... i initially was going to dm all of you but. that was because i thought there were going to be like 10 of you!!! again im sorry. love you all so much im an emotional wreck

i hope you had a good time these past few days and i hope we can all look forward to a great 2024 together 🥺 i'd be nowhere without you

@lorei-writes @yanderepuck @claviscollections @yarnnerdally @scummy-writes @aquagirl1978 @ikemendrew @fang-and-feather @devonares @bicayaya @olivermorningstar @queengiuliettafirstlady @keithsandwich @mimi-but-main @xbalayage @namine-somebodies-nobody @the12thnightproject @mcwentfandomtraveling @leonscape

[synthshenanigans]

woah hey a year has been passed wowie :0

First two weren't posted here cos they were too long ago & not CJish related but love the way he took up 70% of the year lol

[ Full images + templates below :} ]

[TW for Bright Colors, maybe blood & very very vague themes of depression/suicide for like 2 drawings I believe]

Long text about the arts if anyones actually curious!!

January: An old OC I completely forgot about until making this. He's based on old radio like things :}

February: Played Person 5 Royal last year & drew Joker cos idk he's neat. Fun fact, the same day I fully finished the game was the day Storm & a Spring came out. Also while grinding in the game, I had his Bidding & VoaC covers on repeat. Which was a bit annoying to do since they weren't on Spotify yet & YT on mobile didn't have looping then.

March: The Hawaii Part ii album cover :} I did post that eventually but that's the time I actually made it. Had listened to TME a couple of months before then which got me into the album, so months later I drew it cos why not? [Also the month Vol.1 fully released on everything. What's funny is my gallery for that day was a handful of memes I saved at 4am before I fell asleep. And then the next image saved is when I woke up which was a screenshot of the whiteboard in TfaR lol]

April: First main Jash art !!! And its not even with any of the songs from Vol. 1 lol. I had his Moss cover on repeat again & now that all of Vol. 1 was out, I drew Heart in some moss. Or really in the image from the video.

May: Lil animation I made of Heart with the song Don't Hit the Lights! Link to my post & the song can be found here :}. Still really like the song & even the drawings. Might remake em eventually idk

June: Sky/socialc1imb's Clue AU! I like murder mysteries & this one was real interesting so I drew it a lot lol. Might remake that one or one of the others I made at somepoint? It'll be a bit later if I do but ye

July: A redraw of a HMS piece I originally made back in May, based on the Three Wise Monkeys thing. I like the idea of it so I keep wanting to remake it.

August: I honestly can't remember if I posted that art or not. Actually yea I don't think I ever did PFFT. It's one of the few drawings I did of myself this year & its from CJs Not Perfect cover [as you can tell by the lyrics on it]. Also one of the very very few vent-ish arts I made. I like the background more than anything but its still neat ig?

September: Art for one of the best songs ever. I love Fine, I'm Fine its so good & I listened to it for like 70% of the 20+ hours it took me to make the drawing. Still proud of it so there's the sketch I drew on paper, the one on my tablet & then the final versions.

October: There was a lot from this month due to Jashtober. I still like this one lot & it wasn't insanely rushed so I picked this one to show lol.

November: I have no idea why I made a fun lil soul. I was having an identity crisis over my art style & ig decided to draw the guy who is a walking identity crisis/j

December: Same as September. One of my favorite songs ever was covered & released, so I made a drawing like everyone else lol.

[asherashedwings]

I completely forgot to post these guys

MUSIC MEN !!

May include rambling cuz my love for spiders kinda slipped its way into these designs lol

DJ Music Man

VERY vaguely based on a Goliath Bird Eater, since they’re the biggest spider. I thought it’d fit this big guy.

Fun fact: if you google “Goliath Bird Eater face” one of the first results is actually the face of a wolf spider.

…I’ve spent a lot of time looking at spider faces. I can recognize a lot of them based on head shape and eye placement now.

Anyways

Mini Music Men ! (and their ruined forms)

They’re all based on different spiders, which will be explained under the cut, as well as close ups cuz I don’t want this post to be super annoying to scroll past

Hip Hop (Jumping Spider)

Hip Hop is the only one with a name so far, and he’s based on a jumping spider! I had a good idea of what spiders I knew I wanted to include when starting these designs, and you best believe jumping spiders were on that list. They’re just very recognizable, and their eye placements are just very unique. That’s something I tried to accomplish with these designs too; chose spiders with unique eye placements from one another. Since it gives more variety to each music man.

He was actually the first one I designed and was part of the original 4 I designed way back in July of last year, the other three being Wolf Spider, Trapdoor, and Daddy Long Legs.

Also, making him the rabbit ruined music man was completely coincidental, I wasn’t even thinking about how perfect that was until after I had already finished all the designs. I’m just glad I happened to choose that cuz man it lines up so well. Cuz. Cuz jumping spider. And rabbits are known to jump-

Wolf Spider

I don’t have a too awful lot to say on this guy. Sweet old man. When I saw the eye placements for wolf spiders, I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to incorporate it in a way that was appealing. And then it hit me: put the lower four on a mustache. And then he just became an old man after that.

Trapdoor Spider

This guy’s based on a trapdoor spider— SPECIFICALLY a cork lid trapdoor spider. This is mainly cuz normal trapdoors don’t really stand out too much appearance wise. They look like a stereotypical venomous spider I think. But then! I remembered the cork lid trapdoor spider, and that one definitely stands out. The main thing that makes it stand out so much is that, compared to the average spider, it’s missing like, half its abdomen, the back end of which has a very interesting pattern.

I don’t know if it’s communicated well from this angle, but he’s missing half his abdomen, but in a way where it’s clear he was built that way, given the placement of his wind. I also included designs on his wind to kind of represent the designs real cork lids have on their abdomens.

Daddy Long Legs

Yes, I know daddy long legs aren't actually a spider, but it felt wrong not to include one, so I did it anyways.

This fella actually has a tiny bit of lore. Basically, he's an early prototype model of the mini music men, hence why he appears out of date compared to the others. And run down too; his age means more time for wear and tear to have occurred, hence his missing abdomen (which was really just a design choice I made in order to reference how daddy long legs don't have as many body segments as actual spiders).

Brown Recluse

Now we're onto the spiders that weren't in the original batch. Brown Recluse, as well as the other two after this, were actually concepts I made not too long after the first time I drew the original 4, however they never went far beyond just concepts. Until recently.

There's not much I can say about their design. It's not shown here but they actually play the violin, since one of the recognizable features of a brown recluse is the violin shape present on their back. So I guess that's that their limb shapes come from; they vaguely resemble the shape of violin bows. Kind of. Idk don't look too deep into it.

Black Widow

This one I kinda just threw stuff at a wall until something stuck. I still really like how she turned out tho. I tried making her wind pointier to kind of resemble the hourglass shape on their abdomen that black widows are so infamous for. I don't know if that's clear or not though.

Black Widow and Brown Recluse is where I sorta broke my main rule when picking spiders, which was, as stated earlier, to pick ones with unique eye placements. Black widows and brown recluses have very similar, if not identical eye placements. But I decided to overlook it cuz I wanted to include both of them.

Yellow Orb Weaver

When I was initially designing this one, I don't think I had a specific orb weaver in mind. Because back then, I had no idea how diverse orb weavers actually are. So after some consideration, and looking at the design I had already made, I decided that he's based on a yellow orb weaver. Mainly just cuz I wanted more variety in the hues I was using for these guys' colors.

I don't have much else to say on this dude. I just made him super lanky cuz the shapes were interesting.

Bonus doodles for those willing to read my spider ramblings. Love yall <3 /p

[ambivartence]

🎉 Every Month of 2022 🎉

Link your favorite or most popular post from each month this year <3 (it’s totally fine to skip months!) and tag some CCs you love!

January: lee know for beauty+ magazine

February: chan's room w hearts

March: xiumin sunset for his bday

April: that one 10 min lino sketch with 900+ notes

May: beatbox haechan

June: minho's delivery service for the ghiblipop event

July: chan's room on tour!

August: be the sun mingyu

September: mingyu and his silly little hat for elle magazine

October: scoups on tour!

November: wonderland seonghwa

December: paradigm seonghwa

tagging (no obligation ofc!): @agibbangs @alrightyaphroditie @aunty-tiger-potato @avizou @brianbangs @chanstopher @chrstphrbng @coupsnim @dalkyeom @jeongtokkie @junjunies @kdongyoung @lixblr @nevoono @njaems @potatzu @pvddins-art @quokki @rumue @shnryjn @shorelinnes @sulfurcosmos @wabisaba @wonjinist @wonwooridul @woosanhui @xuseokgyu + anyone who sees this and wants to share their fave creations from this year^^

I started doing this round-up last year on my birthday, and I can't believe another year has passed 😩 In the last year, I made 106 art posts of 17 different groups !! I thought it'd be fun to look back at exactly who I drew, so I made a little data visualization today with some anecdotes about my year <3

[cssns]

We’re back, y’all!!! Please help me welcome @spartanguard to the CSSNS23!!!

What’s your Tumblr?

@spartanguard​

How long have you been in the CS/OUAT fandom?

A looong time--I watched the show live for its entire run, but didn't become super active until fall 2014 (4a).

When did you start shipping Captain Swan?

I don't know that I can fully pinpoint a moment, but sometime during 3A. (And my answer to that changes constantly, haha)

What drew you to this event?

The same thing that drew me to OUAT in the first place--I love seeing different takes on fairy tales/fantasy, especially against the backdrop of the real world, and love seeing what new adventures we can all take Emma & Killian on.

What inspired your topic?

So I've technically been working on this story since 2015. IIRC, there was a mirror-image manip going around of Colin on set, which brought up the theory of two Killians in my friend group. Which prompted one of them (I believe it was @kat2609) to send an anonymous ask regarding the shenanigans that Killian and his double/twin could get up to. (Note that this was long before the Wish Realm was even thought of, so well before there actually were two Killian Joneses in canon.) I kind of ran with the idea at the time, but then hit some dead ends when the 5A storyline resolved different than anticipated. It sat for a very long time until I finally came up with a workaround sometime last year. and now it's almost done!

If you would like to share a snippet/sneak peek/summary of your fic or artwork, please use the space below.

"I'm disappointed in you." The man almost sounded sad.

"As I told the asshole in the diner, you don't know me." He groggily sat up to stare the man down; a sheriff's badge gleamed from where it was hooked to his jeans, below crossed arms and a stern glare.

"I know you plenty well, pirate." He'd been called many things, but that was a new one. "How could you do this to Emma?"

Who? "Who the f*ck is Emma?" Something weird was going on, but his brain hurt too much to process it.

"I the f*ck am Emma," came a feminine voice from the hallway, followed by the clack of boot heels as she approached. The sheriff ran in her direction, stopping her before she came into view.

"Emma, hold on; I have to tell you something."

"Dad, what's going on?" His vision was blearier than he thought if he hadn't noticed that the man was old enough to have an adult daughter.

The rest of their conversation was too quiet for him to hear, so he slumped back against the concrete wall and glanced around the station.

The sheriff came back, followed by his daughter. Ooh, now there was a sight. A gorgeous blonde came into view, a vision in a red leather jacket. Now why wasn't she at the bar last night? A much better bedfellow she would have made.

Until he saw that she, too, wore a sheriff badge. Law enforcement was an immediate turnoff.

She wore a concerned look on her face as she slowly approached his holding cell. It seemed as if she was studying his face, searching for something. But she must have come up empty, as relief flooded her features, followed quickly by confusion.

"That's not him."

What are you looking forward to most about participating in this event?

Seeing all the great stories and gorgeous art everyone comes up with!

I’m so thrilled that Kaitlyn is back participating again this year! Her MC featuring Killian’s evil twin will be dropping on Wednesday July 5! Everyone go say hi and welcome her back!

[yayforocs]

OLD ART PART 3!!! WHEEEEE!!!

still in february 2015 :VVV

i made a gif!!! of myself!!! look at that why did i never post this anywhere!!!! hello!!!!

i'm like 99% sure that i drew this bc of the production of aida that my brother was in, but it was like way back in 2009 or something so maybe we dug up the dvd and watched it?????? dunno but i'm pretty certain that's supposed to be amneris

and i did post the tiny here but i never posted the full pic!! which. i can see why sdfkljs but also i do like the interaction itself so i'm posting it now anyway

...a coresilence douglas that i never posted???? huh.

march 2015 V:

this used to be my mobile banner for ages just bc i wanted something to slap on there dklsgs

wasn't sure i'd ever get ahold of the original pic again but yO!! here we are!!

this one is just titled 'why bother' :( unfortunately i went through A Lot mentally around this time period, and there are quite a few doodles i think i made around this time and the next couple years that i never posted anywhere bc they were Too Edgy or Venty or just plain depressing to me. i honestly don't quite remember why i drew this, i think it had something to do with feeling like i was losing friends? maybe? i'm not quite certain honestly.

april 2015 :0

core and i did a little doodle rp character funsies exchange between robin and douglas and this was a response i drew but ended up never using :V

may 2015!

a couple different banners apparently! probably for my rp blog. i don't remember using either of these, but i'm assuming i probably did, atl for a little bit

ahaha oh wow i genuinely have no memory of this huh. absolutely no idea on why there's a jarring disconnect between the first eight and the last two but shrugs!

-oh this has made me realize i now have Much More to post on robin's toyhouse huh

i've also got a lot from july 2015, but uhhhh i say it's a lot bc it's for a lyric video i wanted to make to jason walker's echo :VV there's quite a lot done and HONESTLy i thought i'd lost all of it bUT the firealpaca file!!!! i've got the firealpaca file!!!!!!! aaaa!!!!!!!! so it's all here!!!!!!!!!

there's also this kdlsfjds

and then we skip all the way to march 2016, which is the last folder i have :(

literally my first attempt at a nuzlocke and i'm dying i can't believe i never posted this dlkjfskjl God what a run

hey does this technically mean i've made a complete nuzlocke comic? --shot

anyway that's not actually from 2016! that's just when i scanned it, i made that wayyy back in 2011, possibly even 2010 :V but there's no way i'm not including it in these posts sdklghs

ok so i did actually post this a while back, but then when i started working on locke'd in i went through and deleted all my nuzlocke art posts even slightly relating to it bc of 'spoilers' or w/e, these are some of my mons from a different run that... i dunno, i guess i just restarted or something? not actually sure why i didn't finish this one. i think i was going to cameo these girls in the comic or smth so i poofed the original post

atl i think, i could be thinking of any of the other like. five different teams i was planning on cameo'ing.

GOD THERE'S MORE BUT IT'S FNAF AU AND IT'S BIG BIG SPOILERS DO I. DO I POST.

I AM WARRING WITH MYSELF SO BAD OVER THIS.

I DON'T THINK I CAN LET MYSELF POST IT AUGH

but GOD i kinda want to :waugh: one day..... one day i will post EverythingTM

buT YEAH THAT'S ALL OF IT!!!! THERE'S SO MUCH RECOVERED ART I'M!!!!!!! :WIGGLE:

dude i didn't even start looking on this flash drive for art i was looking for old writing sdklfjdskjl

[jimothysomebody]

Recovering From Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome

It's difficult to gauge exactly where to start, considering the many nuanced factors that lead me here. For awhile it felt like I was dealing with some wretched mystery ailment. After my breakup there was a period of time where money was tight and I wasn't eating well, in part because money was tight and in part because of a long struggle with self image, self loathing, and just a warped and unhealthy perspective of myself. What a stupid, stupid thing it was to subject myself to that degree of harm and malnourishment. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

In late March, somewhat coinciding with my old vape pen breaking, I began to feel a bit unwell and I wasn't sure why. Brainfog, difficulty concentrating and remembering, poor sleep (and that's saying something) headaches, strange dizzy spells and a weird feeling in my head, unusual episodes of elevated anxiety, stress, and depression beyond what is 'normal' for me, stomach issues, changes to my appetite, fatigue, apathy. Some days were better than others, some days were hell, other days I may have one awful episode and be otherwise fine the rest of the day, sometimes a day or so would pass without incident at all and I'd feel totally normal.... but these terrible symptoms kept coming back

Initially I believed it to be the lingering effects of having been anorexic from early February to the beginning of April... but April, May and now most of June have come & gone... and these symptoms have persisted.... what else could it have been?

I figured, outside of the extreme episodes of anxiety, the most likely cause was the effects of tapering off of, and eventually quitting weed. The conclusion I drew was that, surely, I must be experiencing Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, brought on by increased use of medial grade weed and an increased vaping of delta 8 around this time. It was also my theory that because I didn't do it daily, just used a *lot* every few days or on weekends, that my inconsistent pattern of high dose usage was keeping me in a state of withdrawal that wouldn't stop until I made myself quit. My preferred method was vaping, but I began with edibles July of 2023... for nearly a year my already chemically imbalanced brain became accustomed to a regular supply of THC, surely... surely the cessation of cannabis would have put my brain in a state of crisis and rebellion as it attempts to reset the dials back to my “normal”, right? Much of the literature I read seemed to validate my worries, between credible medical publications from all over, the US, Canada, Australia, the UK, I poured over the findings and data of medical professionals and everything seemed to point to that... what has now worried me the last 42 days I've been sober was the fact that, for most, they seem to be through the worst of it within 2wks to a month... but still I contend with these symptoms. Maybe...just maybe, I was too hopeful and by some twisted hellish coincidence I was, unknowingly, affected by something more dire... there are many, many far more life threatening conditions that share many of those symptoms in common... and that thought has come and gone since March... Friday afternoon I finally humored my paranoia that told me to stop toying with my mortality and went to the ER to get checked out.

They drew blood, did urinalysis, an EKG, chest xrays, and a CT scan of my head, every test came back normal, nearly everything was ideal, save for what results have been effected by a recent brief regimen of prednisone to help with my tenosynovitis (which also significantly improved my withdrawal symptoms)... and in the sea of test results even those *slightly* abnormal results didn't bother me, knowing exactly what caused them.

The test results have given me a lot of peace of mind... I now know definitively, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what I am experiencing does not have a physical cause... it is instead chemical as my brain tries to regulate itself back from a year of a lot of vaping and edibles. I do not have brain cancer, any brain damage, any debilitating neurological condition, internal bleeding, blood clots, nor do I have any heart or lung condition. No abnormalities were detected... It's just withdrawal, and I can get through this. I've been tempted to vape, a few times. I miss having a mild high, but mostly I miss the relief that comes with it for my anxiety, my depression, ptsd, mild pains, etc. There hasn't been any strong compulsion or urge to use again, in fact not unlike my alcohol I still have (almost 7 months sober now) my vape pen is in plain sight just on my bedside table, where it has, literally, been collecting dust since May 12th. I have had one or two dreams about weed/vaping though, which I suppose isn't a totally unheard of sort of dream to have for people quitting.

I'm set to see yet another therapist soon in July, and shortly thereafter, I imagine, another doctor. I'm not sure what the plan of attack will be, considering the chemical imbalance is now influenced by quitting weed. In the past I've seen a lot of success with SSRI's like sertraline/Zoloft, in treating my depression, with some positive changes to my anxiety as well, it'd certainly simplify things to be on just one med but I'm not optimistic that will be the case, nor do I don't know just how effective sertraline would be while recovering from PAWS... I do know this much, compared to how I felt in April I feel, generally speaking, significantly better. I do still experience all the symptoms I've described but to a lesser degree and with less frequency and diminished duration compared to how I had been previously... it is my belief that, with time and resolve I will make a full recovery from this horrid months long trial. I really think I'm gonna be okay.

[eiseryn]

2023 Art Summary

I can't believe 2023 is almost over and it's been a whole year! These past few months have passed by in a blur and so I feel like I'm barely holding on 😭 I had a lot of time to draw in the beginning of last year but considerably less time now...

But overall, I'm really proud of my progress as an artist this year! I had more time to draw than usual so I honed some skills and worked on some things this year! You can tell from the first Lei and the last Lei I drew XD I learned how to use filters XD to blend the character into the background!

You can also see that I started the year with Nova (Feb-Apr) and then it became Lei in my fave pieces after LMAOOO. Seriously, the last 4 months just being Vail and Lei alternates is so funny to me XD. This year was truly the year of Lei. I suspect 2024 will also be the year of Lei with vis novel development XD

Going through the months:

January: First illustration of Lei back when the campaign first started. She was supposed to be a cold b*tch but uh... that did not happen. She turned out to be a soft and sweet girl, which also reflects in my later art of her. I still want to revisit girlboss Lei though cuz the shots she took in the campaign were like 😳😳😳

February: Pink Valentines Nova~ Nova is a blue girl but soft pink Nova hits differently. I think this art was cute and I love all the heart elements I put in! (Like in her eyes~)

March: Bubble tea Nova! This was my business card for the first art market I sold stickers at! <-- artist feat of the year? Otherwise didn't draw much art this month XD I was stressed out about my first art market. SOMEONE AT THE MARKET SAW THIS ART, ASKED IF IT WAS MY VTUBER MODEL, AND THEN TOLD ME I SHOULD BECOME A VTUBER. The best compliment I got about this art XD I will remember it forever.

April: Idol Nova… technically I drew it in May but shhh the sketch was done in April. I did this because I did some bday karaoke and this was the piece I got inspired to make after having so much fun there! Here is where I started learning how to use filters to help blend the character into the background!

May: Mermaid Merrow for Mermay! This is the only Mermay piece I did but it remains one of my top art pieces this year… just all the colours are so gorgeous in this one + the BG I'm proud of! I did not post it on tumblr cuz I started posting on tumblr in Aug... LOL. But anyways it's gorgeous and took me like 2-3 days.

June: Bad art month… it was between this and the Leticia sketch I made. I ended up with this one even though I don't like it as much as the sketch because it was at least a fully rendered piece with a background and everything... I don't like the face in it, but I worked hard on the hands! (One of my weaknesses) so there's that! Sometimes it's the little things you're proud of.

July: I really like this outfit I drew for Lei! It's the one I use for refs for her now XD I'm also particularly proud of this one cuz it's a fullbody and it's hard to draw fullbody pieces... But also I just think her outfit looks really good here! And I love how dead and tired her eyes look XD which is her mood by the time she got this outfit during the campaign.

August: It was really hard to pick for August because I had two really good pieces... (actually 3 it turns out) but I picked this one in the end because I think the artist composition was just really good. There are parts I don't like about it anymore, but the lighting was good! And I'm proud I drew all her friends in this too XD the pieces of her heart -- as this art piece is called.

September: Made a GIF of disappearing Vail! Not my first GIF I've made but I like how it turned out + I'm especially proud of the background XD It's not great but I put some effort into it. I could have worked on his pose a little more... but I don't have many good Sept pieces 😭

October: Spent too much effort on a meme. But really proud of the hand and lighting. Especially drawing the cyberpunk lighting cuz that's hard... Also yeah I think I spent close to an hour sketching the hand/ making the hand look decent XD So of course this piece is the one I choose. I also worked on making the BG look decent... and Vail's backview was hard... man... I spent a long time on this piece XD

November: Yandere Vail 😳😳😳 One of the hottest Vail pieces I've drawn and it's for a mafia AU Vail LMAO. I used a reference for this XD which is why the pose looks good.

December: Most recent piece! Had to finish the year with Lei cuz we started with Lei~ This one is a modern AU Lei so it can't quite compare to Lei's canon cyberpunk universe but still~ You can definitely see improvement in my art! Or so I'd like to think. I used a reference for the pose (kind of) and also used a picture for the BG. I'm going to do that a lot next year LMAO just take pics and use them as BGs XD Work smart not hard, right?

Runner-Ups

They're all from Aug + Dec LOL… my most productive art months this year XD

Aug 2: Flash piece! I didn't post this on tumblr either... but it is my former best boy from the campaign (Former b/c Vail took his place LMAO he's too sketchy now). I used a reference for his pose so it turned out pretty good in my opinion? I also like the lighting I did for him! I forgot his earrings though... and his necklace... oops... I'll fix that for the vis novel (cope) -- I do want this to be a CG you get from the vis novel XD cuz I think it looks good XD

Aug 14: Pink Neon Nights - First Vail x Lei piece 🥺😳🥺😳 I gotta admit the hand looks hella funky for Lei BUTTTT I am in love with Vail's smile here 🥺🥺🥺 His fangs and I like how I designed his hoodie~ Plus I like the pink neon lighting from the bar they're at~

Dec 21: Nova's birthday piece~ I hadn't drawn a full illustration for her since August so this piece turned out super good. For some reason her hair became more and more grey as the years passed in the way I drew her XD She's supposed to have white hair with grey tips (oxidation???) But UHMMM I think it's hard to do highlights on white hair so I've been making her hair more and more grey as time passes XD but her hair is white, guys.

Dec 22: Lei's Happy Holidays Card - TBH I don't like how her face turned out here, BUT I like her pose and the way I did her clothing folds XD and I put effort into the BG so there's lots of other elements on this piece I like~

And of course, my most popular piece this year was worm on a string Nova.

A classic TBH. She is still so sad and gorgeous in this piece XD I made it into a sticker to put on my laptop! :)

To more years of art and art improvement! ✨ To a 2024 filled with more self-indulgent OC art ✨ Happy New Year!

[captainstevenjohnstonme]

'Hands Of Vengeance.'

The following story is about a killer who was put to death in the electric chair and then buried in the prison grounds but his hands re-emerge and go on a rampage.

Hope you like it.

'For fucks sake can you motherfuckers strap me in already, I will gladly flick the switch myself to get away from everyone on this fucked up planet.'

Robert Jenkins a huge white prison guard who has worked at San Quentin for twenty years rolls his eyes as he approaches the cell of a condemned man named Elijah Pope.

'Settle down Pope and eat your last meal or I will come in and shove it down your throat.'

'Fuck you Jenkins' Pope screams out 'I asked for a large pepperoni pizza three chicken burgers a tub of chocolate ice cream and a pint of Dr Pepper but what do I get? nothing but a couple of roast potatoes a slice of pecan pie and a can of Pepsi.'

'Go and get the warden right now or I will hang myself with my own shoelaces.'

'You aren't wearing any shoelaces you dumb fuck and you should be thankful for the small portions because come frying time you will be shitting out bricks.'

'Now shut the fuck up and finish what you got before I shove my baton up your scrawny ass.'

Pope stares back at Jenkins in contempt 'Spare me the pep talk you slimy piece of crap just let the warden know that I will see him bright and early tomorrow and when I begin to broil and bubble I will send smoke signals down to hell where all of the fuckers who put me in this goddamned cell will also feel the pain and heat.'

'I have survived this world for 28 years and after I am electrocuted I will become the master of sparks and come back and destroy anyone for has mistreated me.'

'The only person who has mistreated you Pope is yourself , all of your wounds are self inflicted, you committed all of the crimes that put you where you are today so stop your whining and take your medicine like a man.'

As he walks away Jenkin's adams apple bobs up and down in worry because of all the prisoners he has come across during his time in this hell hole Elijah Pope is by far the craziest, meanest of them all so come morning when Pope leaves this earth he will thank the lord when the evil little man is gone for good.

Pope only stands a smidge over 5' tall and weighs about the same as a teenager and who some say looks like Kevin Bacon on crack may be small in stature but don't be fooled he is one of the meanest criminals in America.

He first came under the radar of the authorities when he was only ten years of age when he attacked another boy with a knife after the victim refused to hand over his wallet.

For that crime he spent five years in juvenile detention.

After his release Pope robbed a convenience store of a measly twenty bucks and as he made his getaway he turned and shot the owner and his female assistant killing them both.

After that Pope went underground eluding the authorities , for that crime Pope entered the F.B.I.'s most wanted list.

Between 2007 till 2011 a serial killer roamed the streets of Los Angeles, in that time he murdered 20 known victims but it is believed that the total could reach as high 60.

All victims were young girls with short brown hair between the ages of 14 to 18 years old but luckily with the use of the latest DNA technology Elijah Pope was identified as the perpetrator and he was arrested without incident on 6th July 2011.

A year later despite protesting his innocence 18 year old Elijah Pope is brought to trial before judge Walter B Carruthers a man with little time for the criminals who sit in the dock under his worship.

Popes lawyer Paul Drew is a young attorney with little time spent in an actual courtroom and now here he is defending an alleged serial killer.

The prosecutor a long time trial lawyer named Daniel Hopkins who can talk the talk with the best of them begins proceedings telling the court that Elijah Pope is a predator who took the lives of a innocent shopkeeper and a member of his staff but then he went on to become one of the nations worst serial killers.

Twelve weeks later with Popes lawyer proving to be next to useless when it comes to giving his client the best advice sits next to Elijah as the prosecutor sums up proceedings, 'Your honor the evidence is overwhelming, shoe prints found at many of the crime scenes match the tread on a pair shoes owned by the defendant plus the DNA evidence proves once and for all that Elijah Pope the man sitting next to his lawyer is a murderer who should be sentenced to death.'

'I rest my case your honor.'

'Does the defense have a rebuttal for the court?'

Drew begins to stand up but than changes his mind 'No your honor the defense rests.'

Pope can't stay silent any longer and stands 'What a load of absolute crap, I am no murderer, sure I am no angel but as my lawyer if he did a proper job would have found out that I was living in South Carolina at the time that these murders occurred'

Judge Carruthers bangs his gavel in fury ; Young man you are to remain silent in my courtroom or you will be gagged do you understand?'

Elijah knowing that he is fighting for his life sizes up the judge 'I am an innocent man you old fool, the so called evidence is rubbish, anyone could have worn my shoes but it is obvious that you don't want to listen so why don't you spit on your gavel and shove it where the sun don't shine.'

'TAKE HIM AWAY' Carruthers screams at a guard who grabs Pope by an arm and begins to lead him away but Pope can't resist a parting shot at his attorney 'Thanks for nothing I will see you in hell.'

At the back of the courtroom the young man who actually committed the crimes that Elijah Pope has been found guilty of silently leaves unnoticed.

Elijah is dragged downstairs to his cell where he is joined by his attorney. 'I thought that you were supposed to represent me to the best of your ability but all you did was sit there saying nothing.'

'I am sorry Elijah I know that you are upset but the evidence against you was overwhelming there was little that I could do.'

'I am innocent I tell you, why want anyone believe me?'

'Rest assured Elijah that I will appeal the decision so just bide your time and I will do all I can.'

Despite numerous appeals Popes execution is scheduled to take place tomorrow 21 September 2023.

At precisely 4.30 am Pope is lead from his cell by six prison guards.

Fully shackled in leg irons Elijah slowly shuffles down the corridor to his final destination.

Most of the prisoners on death row call out their farewells while the more subdued remain silent thankful that they get to live another day.

Entering the small room and is strapped to the electric chair securely with leather cords.

Twelve witnesses including his parents sit a mere five yards away.

The parents Brian and Maureen Pope struggle to make eye contact with their son as he awaits his fate.

They have a secret a secret that they have kept ever since the day that Elijah was born.

A secret that they plan to keep to their dying day.

At 4.58 warden Ian Baldacci a cruel bitter man who has overseen the executions of 28 men looks over to the phone hanging on the wall half expecting it to ring but as the seconds pass by it remains silent.

A minute later the warden asks Pope if he has any last words 'I surely do warden, everybody knows that i am no angel but I am innocent of murder.'

Taking a second to compose himself Pope turns his head and stares directly into the eyes of the warden' Let me tell you now warden if you flick the switch and send me to my death I will come back from hell and kill you at the first opportunity.'

'Mark my words when I return blood will flow from the bodies of all of those responsible for my demise.'

The twelve witnesses are visibly shaken by the outburst and cower back in fright.

Even warden Baldacci is disturbed by Popes words so when the clock ticks over to 5.00 he hits the switch sending the evil fucker to hell where he belongs.

Pope is slammed back by the charge of electricity with whiffs of smoke escaping from his mouth and nostrils while his skin begins to burn and blister.

Convulsing violently Pope takes one of his last breathes, deep inside his bones crack and his marrow boils.

The leather straps bite deep into Popes wrists and when the skin and tissue melt away the restraints cut all the way through to cauterize and fall to the floor of the death chamber.

Thankfully the curtains have already been drawn so none of the witnesses saw the dismembered hands fall away in a shower of blood and steam.

At 6.07 Pope is pronounced dead by the prison doctor Marcus Clarke who despite seeing many dead prisoners is shocked by the sight of the pair of hands that still twitch on the floor near his feet.

After the smell of death dissipates Popes smoldering body is removed from the electric chair and his remains are carefully into a body bag by two prison trustees, the younger of the two has the ghastly task of picking up the hands before he gingerly places them on the chest of the condemned.

The body bag is loaded into a van and driven 500 yards to the northern corner of the prison where it is parked near to a recently dug grave.

The body bag is lowered without ceremony into the hole while up in his office Warden Baldacci watches proceedings with interest. 'You are where you belong Pope may your body rot and your soul travel to hell.'

Three months later under the cover of darkness a single human hand pokes through the surface of an unmarked grave.

Another hand suddenly appears and they scurry over to the prison wall, then using all of their strength the hands grapple up the wall slip through the razor wire and drop down onto the grass on the other side.

The pair of hands hide in the foliage for awhile than they move forward in anticipation for the arrival of the garbage where they will hitchhike a ride on the first step of a journey along the road where they will seek an overdue quest for a bloody vengeance against those who committed a wrong against Elijah Kevin Pope.

THE END.

Part Two coming soon.

[akocomyk]

A foreword

My life as a writer started with me being a campus journalist. Half of my college life was devoted to my editorship in the official student publication.

I became the Editor-in-Chief during my senior year. This had been my dream ever since I joined the organization, backed by my frustration for not becoming one when I was in high school.

I was very dedicated in my work as the EIC. Actually, I was already very dedicated even before I held the highest position. I was strict and harsh, and I was always honest in making criticisms even if it would hurt people’s feelings. I acted that way because I wanted to achieve the best output we could while also being a good leader and example to my fellow journalists.

Because of that, some of our members feared me, some adored me, some literally had a crush on me, and some just saw me as the big brother they could always rely onto.

Being a Multimedia Arts student, I kinda had this dual life where I was a designer/artist by day and a writer by night—I'm not even mentioning the other extra curricular stuff I did.

Theoretically speaking, I could make the entire newspaper on my own. That never happened though, but I still did a lot more than what any editor was mandated to do. I wrote articles, made layouts, created various designs, drew comics and illustrations, etc.

This prompted some members to joke that when I graduate, the work that I did all on my own would have to be done by five people.

I had been so attached to that organization and all its people—I think they had also grown attached to me—that the thought of me leaving when I graduate was just so bittersweet—with more inclination on the bitter and sad side.

Like it or not, whoever my successor would be would have very large shoes to fill—and I didn't even believe in that saying. I just said, "Go make shoes of your own. You don't have to fill mine 'coz I'll take my shoes with me."

So... when the thought loomed, this question arose: Who will be the next editor-in-chief?

Sir Geon, our school paper adviser who was also the student council adviser, wanted to stick to tradition—that was to pick the EIC from the pool of members who would be in their senior year by the following academic year.

There were only two members on that pool: Myra and Bambi. Seeing their performance in the last three years, I didn't think they deserved the position. They only came to the office when needed or when they needed something. Not to mention, they weren't particularly exceptional writers either. How are you gonna edit the articles when you're not fully equipped with the right skills?

So we go the batch of members following these two. There were a lot of them, and I personally thought any of them were more deserving to be the next EIC. Four were quite promising:

Julie was the magnificent sports writer who could easily rise above everyone if she wanted.

Reg was that correspondent who always blessed the office with her presence. She did tasks whenever asked and she was eager to learn and improve—and she did.

Sha's strengths were in poetry. She had a lot to improve on when it came to other forms of writing, and her reputation was marred by the bad relationship that she had with her then boyfriend who was also in the school paper.

Mary was hungry to become an EIC, to the point that it felt like she idolized me and wanted to replicate the things I did. Though she was a good writer—save for some grammatical errors here and there—and was also eager to learn many things, she was eaten up by her own obsession.

Sir Geon wasn't completely blind—he knew Myra and Bambi had shortcomings. However, if he had to pick from one from the next four, it's obvious he only had his eyes on Sha.

To air my frustrations, I decided to make the Game of 13 Characters right after I finished with my multimedia research portfolio—hence the similar art style. I made it a guessing game so that the members would be more enticed to read and participate.

Other than the few mentioned above, I also included other notable people.

Dudi was an active member who was interested in photography and writing strong opinions. He's actually way older than I am and had been in college for many years, but still called me "Kuya" like everyone else. He's a good person, and he usually knew the right thing to do—but couldn't seem to do them.

Maia was our Associate Editor, second to me in leadership. She's also a great artist and writer, however she's not always present. Nevertheless, she still contributed when she could.

Graggy was a cartoonist and illustrator. He was a decent artist but he didn't have the guts to explore out of his comfort zone and do more than what he could already do.

Filbert was another talented writer and avid learner, but he was consumed by his relationship issues and the complexities of his life.

DJ was an enthusiastic photojournalist. Sometimes he's always there, sometimes you couldn't count on him. Lance, also a photographer, was the opposite of DJ. Another aspiring one was Blue but I couldn't figure out what his real purpose was for joining.

Then we had the juniors. Abby, Laudi, Eman were first year multimedia arts students that had very promising futures in their course and in the school paper. Add Jeracel to the mix who was an excellent writer.

Then we had the other juniors who were also very promising writers, but were sadly missing when called: Gelli, RR, Gianne, and Jewelle.

And... there they are.

I wrote this for the benefit of the people who are not familiar with us. I wanted you guys to somehow still experience the "guessing game" that I intended it to be.

So… as I post each story, one character a day, I hope you’ll try to guess who was who, same as how my friends did almost exactly nine years ago. Remember, one character can represent up to five people—I will indicate the number in some way.

The stories and issues here no longer matter now. Everyone, including me, already have different lives. I don't even have the slightest idea how some of them are doing because we've never had a conversation in years or I haven't seen any update from them on their social media.

Anyway, enjoy reading!

[sexypinkon]

Sexypink - Rest in Power Kwame Braithwaite - Making BLACK LIVES MATTER long before the slogan existed.

[mirukimary]

My Art Summary for 2022!

(Under the cut I'll go into more details for each month, for memory's sake. Warning: It's LONG.)

Come one, come all for your opportunity to see all of the drawings I should have posted but never did! The ones that make me work harder every december to remember when tf i drew what! The ones that, in missing, make it seem like i only draw once a year--! (going through my twitter media tab is depressing LMAO)

JANUARY

[Pictured: Iola in Prenda clothing. There was a Twitter Post going around asking you to draw your WoL in your country's traditional clothes. Ofc I didn't skip the opportunity to do it! And drew my BF's WoL too for good measure. Still my fav drawing of the year!]

Also worked on a VTuber model for a friend (i drew it as a bust january last year; then this year was asked to expand it to full body). It was very challenging, but also fun!

For the rest, I designed some backstory NPCs for Asera (Daimyorus childhood friend, his goddess and a mage that helped us multiple times); and drew some twitch emotes for a client. Was a fresh, fun start. I remember having a lot of fun and finding that month quite relaxing.

(Goddess Rondra, Mage Rupin & elf-friend Pedro (RIP))

FEBRUARY

[Pictured: My friend's bunny boi~]

Further work was done on the VTuber model, a lot of parts that weren't quite working before were redrawn. He was taking form!! Now that most of the work was done, also did a ref sheet to go with it. I couldn't wait to see him moving!

That's when I started preparing to open commissions for realz, trying to think of prices and set up examples. I drew some BGs and the Complexity Guide, and set most of the boring things up. I plan to open comms either Jan 2023 or February 2023, so let's hope all the work paid off~

MARCH

[Pictured: 'Smile at the Blue Skies', or "Fuq i need a bust sketch ref for my commission examples page". Sounds a bit less dreamy now, huh? LMAO]

But yeah, most of the month was dedicated to the VTuber model, working to fix it as the rigger found issues. Ref Sheet was finished this month. I'll stop mentioning the model, but the back and forth lasted till june or so?? Had to fix all of his toggles; and redraw his entire hair to allow for a better 3D effect when moving (it went from 3~6 layers to over 20). This was my first time working on vtuber models, so there was A LOT to learn. It surprising how many pitfalls there is in vtuber making. I'm very proud of how it turned out, and eternally grateful to the rigger (and to my friend) for being so patient with me. I was sent a small demo of what he looks like, and seeing your drawing move so beautifully like that feels magical!! There's still much to design and draw before he can debut, but hope you can support him then!

Oh yeah, there was this attempt too:

APRIL

[Pictured: 'With Friends' the commission I worked on through March and April. Extra special because that's my friend & his pets there!]

Also sketched some ideas for illustrations of our RP characters (hi Irene), but never really completed them:

It feels so long since I made these... Double checked like 3 times to make sure it wasn't April 2021 LMAO

I REALLY want to revisit some of these now.

MAY

[Pictured: #XIVARTBASH drawing, featuring Nero.]

Also drew the catgirl from Love2DrawManga. Didn't do much this month (...or did but forgot). I believe I worked on some BGs I can't show, but these are still very much stuck at WIP :(

JUNE

[Pictured: Nia's WoL, Mat. Just a smol gift for someone that brings a lot of joy to FFXIV Twitter.]

So... I completelly forgot I was drawing my OCs outfits [facepalm]:

(Don't mind the two in the corner, I don't want my essay to get hit with Tumblr hammer LMAO They're nowhere near done). But yeah, these are my OCs from 'Elder''. I've had them since childhood, and still love them, even if I gave up on the book idea. Will make an actual post once all is done and I can go back to their character illusts uwu

JULY

[Pictured: Cade from 'Still Shining'. Working on this was an amazing experience~ Won't go on detail bc I already did, but still glad for the experience!]

Instead I'll talk about... Art Fight month!!!

SO.MUCH.FUN

I'm 100% going back next year! This event just proved how much I love drawing people's OCs. I really want to be a commission artist so I can do that for a living. Sadly I didn't get to draw everyone I wanted, plus I wasted a lot of time trying to look through OCs while the website was dying LMAO Next year I'll come prepared!

Also I drew that Spring picture to use as a reference in her profile there. I missed drawing her!

AUGUST

[Pictured: Commission for 'Under Maintenance'.]

Mostly worked on commemorative stuff. Anniversary chibi for Brie; that Under Maintenance pic; Thank You for DL message for 'Loving You Fully' and 'Still Shining'. Also designed some outfits (and painted some sprites) for Mythic Meetup: Midnight Mystery (not released yet!).

Started a bday gift for my boyfriend, but something kept looking 'off' about it so I didn't finish in time. Turns out it was overblended... And will require a redraw. Sorry boyfriend TT But my wife (tm) needs to look perfect!!

Also made the design for our new RP characters:

(mine is the not-cat girl, obviously)

...And I belive this is when I made that cursed Yshtola feeding Zero picture? Yeah.

SEPTEMBER

[Pictured: Witch Torunn]

Made the YCH bases, as well as 3 examples. I have no memories of this month, but Windows says this sketch is from september:

OCTOBER

[Pictured: Old OC redraw, for my Commission Guide. Decided to do it after a client asked for clarification if an old drawing was halfbody or fullbody (august last year, Torunn sitting down).]

They're really old OCs of mine. Ever RP-ed in Deviantart groups? I did!!

Cecilia (<-) is pretty much a Iola prototype: salve maker and potion seller who lives with her dad (who taught her the craft). One day he collapses during work, and Cecilia ends up overworking herself to afford his medicine and other living expenses. In desperation, she joins The Guild as a novice magician for money, and gets herself involved on a war she never intended to join.

Celticca (->) is a archer and aspiring musician who wants to make the most beautiful song (tm) for her family. She's very sweet, but naïve and scatterbrained. I didn't have much planned for her, but had a lot of fun seeing her constantly get involved with Evil/Neutral alligned characters w/o noticing LOL

....Now that I think about it, she's literally a FFXIV bard, before I knew anything about XIV.

The rest of October was focused on Magni's Birthday Project and my YCH Halloween Commissions.

...And THIS:

Halloween pictures of our current RP characters \O/ To go with our halloween session~ Also drew these two for our halloween one-shot:

Ellie (<-) and Hadrianus (->). Ellie is a yandere witch I made as a joke and fell in love with. Hadrianus is my BF's wizard. Yes, he looks like Dr. Strange. Yes, that's the joke. The 3rd character was Rosemary, but I didn't ask to draw her so she's missing :( I do want to draw all of them at some point. We accidentally made "Spy x Family, but it's horror and Loid wants to run away" LOOOL I love this trio!!

Made 2 adoptables, but since they went unsold I decided to remove them and redraw for next year:

(The neutral pose doesn't help them stand out ^^;; Sorry bbys)

Also sketched Julio from Atelier Sophie~

(Hoping to finish it early next year. He's not the only idea I had while playing, but other stuff took priority"")

October was so much fun!! Sadly it let me completely drained by the end of it. I got hit with such a HUGE art block it was like my hands just... Forgot how to draw. Everything came out weird. Sadly, that resulted on me having to drop a drawing I was making for Brie :/ Hoping I can pick it back up soon... (better late than never right?)

It's around that time I decided to work on an AI redraw. Used Crayon (old Dall-e Mini) to create some monstrosity for me and tried to turn it into an actual drawing.

The monstrosity:

The Work In Porgress:

This drawing is a bit painful to look at, because of all the self doubt and bad feelings attached to it. But I want to finish it someday. My prompt was something stupid like 'cute anime girl having fun'. I want to remain true to the prompt and make her meeting with lil ladybug feel warm and fun!

...Like of the feelings I was missing back then, and am just now starting to get back.

TL;DR: Take breaks or you'll break.

NOVEMBER

[Pictured: Chibi Adra for Kyou.]

Managing burnout through most of it. Eventually just decided to stop fighting and played games instead. Even with the frame drops, Atelier Ryza is pretty fun~ Hoping to go bk to it soon.

At some point my boyfriend said I should just draw things to have fun for a bit. I followed his advice...

DECEMBER

[Pictured: Art Party (DracoLunari's WoL)]

...By drawing Iola as a sheep herder. It was much more fun than it sounds. I didn't care for polish at all, just seeing Iola in a cute outfit LMAO It's... A mess of a drawing. But it's MY mess of a drawing. I feel this thought calmed my mind a lot.

Also went for my first ever Art Party. It was fun, tho brain did get in the way after a bit, as expected ^^;;; Still want to go to these more often!! It's fun to draw & chat with others.

For random drawings, all I have is a(n embarrassing) fanart of Elf from Isekai Ojisan. I'll post eventually..... (that anime is hilarious)

For now I have a commission and a collab to take care of, and a certain Moon Goddess to draw as soon as possible~ Will be doing my best these next few days, and hope Iola can be my sheperd and guide me to the path of 'having lots of fun drawing again'.

ONWARDS TO 2023...

May my year be filled with bad drawings that I love;

And good drawings I'm proud of.

May your year give you the same

And everything else you wish for!

Thanks @/Taxkha on twitter for the Template!