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wexhappyxfew · 3 years

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Shannon! I have a question for today, it might be a little broad, but how did you come up with Natia’s character? :)

AMY!!! hello! sorry that i have *just* gotten to this as my weeks have increasingly gotten insanely busy between my job starting back up, school, college stuff, and ap exam chaos as well haha! i did this at about 11pm(?) and i'll be queuing it up for the morning for you, but outside of tumblr, i've thought a lot about this question and what i really wanted to include in this question. having almost spent 10 months spent writing and developing natia to who she is today makes a whole lot of stuff move through my brain when i go back to my developing stages for her! thank you for the question (and the broadness, never fear, i absolutely love it!)

Natia's character really came from the idea of just wanting to really push myself out of the box and *out there* to see what I could do. And I will say Landslide is one of my most *out-there* projects in terms of content - I mean we have Death as a personified character, crazy Agent Mortem, all these past connections to Natia? It's chaos haha! But, I had experimented previously with a partly Polish-OC, Hazel Parker of "The Soldier of Stars", and from that, I went, well there's no centrally focused Polish OC yet that I have seen (this was back in like June-July 2020 mind you, so there probably has been Polish OCs created since this time!!) and I had always felt that the Warsaw Uprising was inherently important! I also read up on the Polish Resistance and how they were the most effective resistance group of continental Europe during the war, with ultimately the Warsaw Uprising being their last final push that did sort of end that.

Something I've really enjoyed about creating Natia's character was putting a great focus on her flaws. Now, her strengths are just as important - she is a great soldier in the field, she's highly intelligent and can make quick decisions on the fly, she withholds a lot of strength when it comes to situations where she needs to focus, she's observant, and she keeps herself fairly humble when not bursting at the seems. She doesn't let herself get stepped over very often (unless it's Mortem) and if anything she will insert herself, and show what skills she has, but she won't go overboard. She's also passionate about her country and her people and she always has something to fight for and even when she feels all hope is lost, she withholds a tiny little sliver no matter what, even if she doesn't feel it. But her flaws I feel are a massive part of her character. She's stubborn, she won't let people help her, she has trouble expressing emotion, she numbs herself more often than not to not feel the pain that she is supposed to feel, she blames everything on herself, she gets hot-headed quite easily, and grows to the point of nearly irrational at some moments in time and even will let her emotions get the best of her in times like this. But that makes up who Natia is as a character and who she is as a person in general.

But even with the strengths and flaws of her character, it makes her very much still a human being. And that was one of my main goals when creating Natia - make her human enough to make that angst HURT, but make her human enough that when you see her succeed or even the little wins here and there, you want to cheer. Because those are human moments. And I know this sort of character creation is not for everyone, but for me over the past near-year, this has been one of my favorite things about creating Natia because I've found myself able to relate to her even though I'm so vastly different from her.

I did some research on a British-Polish SOE Agent, Krystyna Skarbek otherwise known as her alias Christine Granville and I took a few liberties from this amazing woman and used it on Natia. But things such as Agent Mortem, Death/War connection and the eventual introduction of another character Solomon Campbell (who will be in Part 3), as well as the Resistance group of Part 1 and her siblings and parents, are all more of my own ideas and connections!

Something I have had a LOT of fun doing is showing that even though on the exterior Natia seems cold-hearted and dark and numb, and whatever other *cold+dark* ideas can be thought up, she is very much underneath -- not that. We can see how much evidently she cares for someone like George Luz; I mean even Joe Liebgott has pointed it out to her. She always is just trying to do her best and do what is best in the situation - no longer it is about what is good or bad anymore to her, it's about doing what's best in the situation for the time being, and I really love that aspect of her character a lot! We can see that when the war ends, she wants to live on the English coast, far away from war all alone with a dog and even a little goat in a seaside cottage. She grew so attached to the word AWOL after Joe Toye came and sat with her that night in Holland and they talked for once about something other than war. She even withheld her name, her nationality and just about everything else to keep the idea of the cold-face agent she thought she was up so the men of Easy Company don't have to know the real her. But -- was it to protect her...or to protect Easy? All these little ideas I threw in there to show that she is actually, very, compassionate in many ways, and caring and attentive and observant of the men and women she works with.

I really try to show that Natia listens when she listens to someone speak and she observes and she pays attention more than anything. And she ends up, holding information like that close to her and finding comfort in it.

My goal with Natia was to show that there can be a balance to "the bad-ass fighter" idea who fights for what she believes, but also remain human as well. We can see how much things affect her, especially the loss of friends. Of course, she doesn't show this to other people, but to use as readers, we see this and we see her occasional breakdown - and in a way, she continues living on their legacies because she listened to what they had to say. For example, Zdzich told her to not let the war overtake her, and throughout the story so far, we've see her sort of repeat this to herself in various ways. Because Zdzich meant that much to her. She's lost so much by this point in war that almost it's so sad to see that she, from what we all know of BoB, still has to go through so much, but at that point, she's fought so much, that all she can do it keep pushing on with it.

I think one of the most interesting moments from writing Natia was when the first few chapters were actually uploaded on platforms and there was someone really coming after Natia for her decisions and for this, that and the other thing (amy if i vaguely remember i think you remember who this person is as well because you clapped back at them once, and man your response was GOLD!!!). One of those things was Natia's approach with food (TW: mentions of struggling to eat with food, references of depression and struggling to eat, mental health issues relating...) and the person who commented would always be saying something about how she needs to eat, and she needs to remain strong and she needs to snap out of it with her depression and all this other stuff and to be honest, I sort of sat there for a moment like??? But there's reasons WHY she's not eating? Why she's holding back? (And of course ones I had mentioned so...) But let's move on.

Mental health was a prevalent thing in World War 2, though it was not looked upon fondly and Natia essentially does have depression as well as a border-line eating disorder. And so when the comment said that she had to snap out of it, I don't know it sort of off-put me because I have family with both those disorders and they've had treatment for it for years and you can't just snap out of it. I really tried to stress that 'the snapping-out-of-it" does not work, and the person kept firing back a bit at it, so I just moved on from it and ignored it. Natia's struggle with eating, as one can see, also comes from the heavy guilt and grief that is slowly uncovered throughout the story of what Natia has done and what has happened throughout the course of the war to her. Natia's number one thing she constantly does and has now become the focus of many character relationships with her (ie Doc Gene Roe) is the clenched fists, that she squeezes until they bleed and eventually need wrapped up by the Doc. Something she also refuses to accept she has a problem with. As we can see, acceptance is a concept she struggles with more than anything and something she will essentially have to learn to simply, accept.

That's just sort of one of the many bits of information about her character that I added, especially in society today as mental health is so important and so I just wanted to share a bit of the backlash I got from someone for it. But I guess that's life, but I'll continue to write Natia Filipska as an OC who does struggle with depression because of her life in war.

Natia's character and her story is probably one of the most complex characters and stories I've written and crafted and created and I'm just extremely happy with how she ended up coming out in the end! I'm about to go and do some writing and editing for her and it's just so exciting writing her because of all these various levels she withholds and she slowly lets uncover as the story unfolds! I just love it! OH - and we can't forget about the infamous mentions of the piano....yep that'll be coming up soon haha!! <3

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION AMY!!! IT MEANT SO MUCH!!!! just getting to talk about Natia a little bit and her character and what my mind set was creating her - it means so much. my mindset with her is somehow always changing and shifting as she goes through her character arc throughout the story and how her developmental shifts and it's just something i really love and enjoy more than anything!!! <3 so thank you for letting me just talk about it for a little while as well as my thoughts and opinions, it means a lot :)

#character analysis #natia filipska #agent fidel #landslide #bob fic #band of brothers #band of brothers fic #OC #band of brothers OC #thank you amy!#this was very fun to put together i will say!#tw: mentions of depression/slight eating disorder #ALL QUEUED UP !!!!

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sailorbadger · 3 years

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Book Review - 6 modern female-led Robin Hood adaptations

In the past 8 months or so I have read/watched/listened to over 30 different Robin Hood adaptations. Over the summer I found myself reading almost exclusively adaptations that were written by women and centered women in the story one way or another. (I also found out that “lesbian Robin Hood” is a whole genre on its own.) I decided to write short reviews for 6 of these books since I know I have followers that probably share my enjoyment of this particular niche.

This post includes spoiler-free reviews for the following books

Outlaw and Scarlet by Niamh Murphy

Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood by Anna Burke

Hood by Jenny Elder Moke

Marian, Princess Thief by C.K. Brooke

Heart of Sherwood by Edale Lane

The rest of the post will be under the cut since this is quite long.

Despite the fact that I read other books that could technically fit this same category, I decided to focus on these six in my review because these ones are easily accessible to most of my audience (meaning that they are in English and new enough - the oldest one being from 2018 I think - so that you should be able to find them easily).

I tried to keep these reviews relatively short and spoiler-free. That means that describing specific plot points is impossible because in most of these, the basic premise is the typical Robin Hood origin story. I tried to focus on my general feelings about the books and the characters and their relationships.

I won’t be doing any numerical ratings. I know that the order in which I read these impacted on how I felt about them. If I had read them in a different order, I would probably feel differently about some of them. That’s why it’s difficult for me to give any real ratings. The reviews are not in any real order either, apart from my favorite being the last one.

These reviews are also about 75% serious and 25% not serious. When my friend and I started to go through all these different Robin Hood adaptations, we made a bingo card that features tropes/themes/details found in a lot of different versions of the story. I’ll leave quick comments on the reviews on how each of these did, but I won’t go too much into detail on those.

Niamh Murphy: Outlaw & Scarlet

I grouped these two books together because they are the first two parts of a series. My understanding is that the author does plan on eventually releasing more, but since Scarlet was released this year, it might take a while. If a third book does come out, I might read it, but I’m not in a hurry to reread these two.

Outlaw tells the story of how Robyn, the daughter of a baron, ends up becoming an outlaw. If you are familiar with at least a few Robin Hood adaptations, you will know how it goes. There are no big surprises, but I suppose the purpose of this story is to introduce us to the characters and set the scene for the later books. Scarlet continues Robyn’s story and introduces a new character to the story. (I won’t go too much into details on the second book to avoid spoilers, since its plot does not follow familiar beats as much as the first one.)

Besides the books on this list, I have also read/watched/listened to several other Robin Hood adaptations as well, and when it comes to plot, Outlaw lands in the “uninteresting” section. There was nothing new or exciting there, and seeing that I have spent most of the year in a Robin Hood -bubble, I was left wanting more. Scarlet was a slight improvement seeing as Outlaw was mostly a very generic Robin Hood origin story. Together they still feel like this is just the beginning of a longer story, so I hope that if a third book comes out we get into the real action.

Outlaw is marketed as a “lesbian retelling” of the Robin Hood story, but compared to some of the other titles on this list, I was left wanting more. The romance aspect is barely there, so if you’re going to pick these up for Robyn and Marian’s relationship, prepare for slow burn.

The characters didn’t leave a huge impression on me. I do have to say that the Sheriff’s wife was interesting and I wish we had gotten more of her. Other than her, I felt that at times many of the characters could have been from any adaptation.

Overall, there wasn’t anything really wrong with these books, but they just didn’t entertain me as much as the others. I feel that if I had read these before all the other ones on this list, I would have enjoyed them more. Outlaw and Scarlet are a good read for someone who wants a basic Robin Hood story with a lesbian lead. I still think that marketing the first book as a “lesbian retelling” is setting unrealistic expectations for some, but I hope that in the future the series really earns that title.

I completely forgot to fill out a bingo card for these two and at this point I have forgotten many of the details so unfortunately we’ll never know the result. Most of the tropes hit were so general they probably weren’t on our card anyway.

Anna Burke: Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood

Out of all of the books in this list, Anna Burke’s Nottingham is perhaps the most explicit in its queerness. Although the story obviously doesn’t use modern labels, I would say that it includes representation for (at least) lesbian, bi and trans character(s). None of this feels too out-of-place, and instead Nottingham offers a (mostly) historically accurate Robin Hood tale with a queer main cast.

The plot mostly follows your typical Robin Hood -formula: After a hunting accident, Robyn becomes an outlaw, surrounds herself with loyal friends and helps those in need. This aspect of the book doesn’t offer any new ideas or challenge the existing ideas about Robin Hood as a story. However, it focuses more on the characters, so it doesn’t really need anything new. Marian especially has to come to terms with her feelings towards Robyn and women in general. I do have to say though, that the romance between Robyn and Marian happens a little fast - they only meet a few times before falling in love. [Insert joke about lesbians moving too fast here] It didn’t bother me too much, but I do wish there had been a little more buildup.

From this list, I read this book the most recently. It may be that I was just so burned out from reading all these Robin Hood -stories but I didn’t connect with the book that well. I enjoyed it, but I wish there had been more of that fun sense of adventure I look for in these stories.

I would recommend Nottingham to anyone who wants to read a story that manages to be historically accurate and use the Robin Hood mythos to its advantage while not shying away from its portrayal of queerness. Although it did not hold my attention as well as some of the other books, it is still written well and has a good story.

This book didn’t get a bingo unless you interpret “lähentely* which is uncomfortable for the audience” as the sex scene (there is sex in this book but nothing that explicit, I would say high T/low M in Ao3-ratings) being uncomfortable for the reader OR the third person in that scene being uncomfortable. About half of the bingo card was still filled.

*I couldn’t come up with a good translation for this word, it means something along the lines of making moves/coming onto someone/making advances, though for this bingo I use it to generally mean anything flirty/intimate/sexual/etc.

Jenny Elder Moke: Hood

This book was the first one on this list I read. Compared to the other novels, I would say that Hood is the least like your typical Robin Hood story. The book follows Isabelle, Robin and Marian’s daughter, who has to find her father in order to save her mother. The adventure is brand new, though there are still familiar characters and the basic concept of Robin Hood is honored. This is a story about the next generation of outlaws, so if you’re looking for something that focuses on characters from the legends, you may be disappointed.

Speaking of the characters, I loved Little, Patrick and Helena. I could have just read a book where this group of young outlaws has adventures and been satisfied. Unfortunately I didn’t connect well with the main lead, Isabelle, and the love interest, Adam, felt like a very generic hot guy from a YA novel. The romance itself is practically non-existent, and honestly I could have done without it. Seriously, I had completely forgotten about that whole thing until I started writing this review. This story is more about Isabelle’s relationship with her parents, which I like. She also gets to build genuine friendships with the other characters. I just wish the book had been a little longer so that it could have spent more time developing some of these relationships.

Had I read this book when I was a teenager, I most likely would have loved it a lot more. It is YA, and at times it really shows. As far as Robin Hood stories go, I generally enjoy the “outlaws being outlaws in the forest” content the most, and unfortunately this featured surprisingly little of it. It still offered its own take on what could happen after the legends everyone knows, even if it doesn’t add much to the legends themselves.

It is important that I mention here that if Allan has a child in an adaptation, this child must be named either Allan jr. or Alana. This book fulfills this basic need for me and I am satisfied. It also checked most of the boxes on the bingo, and I almost filled the whole sheet. So somehow, despite not really following the typical Robin Hood formula, Hood managed to include all the important tropes.

If you are a teenager who enjoys Robin Hood -stories, I would definitely recommend this book. It’s not the best YA novel out there, but it’s a good standalone story. I think that for adults, this can be a good read if you are a fan of Robin Hood -stories and/or enjoy this type of YA anyway. I wasn’t sure what type of book this was when I started reading, but if you just prepare yourself for a fun adventure aimed at young teens, you can enjoy this. It’s very quick to read, I think I read it in one day.

Also, I must quote a review I saw on Storygraph (imagine this is in all caps) : “hjsxhfjsdksfjk???????????? Patrick best character no cap”

C. K. Brooke: Marian, Princess Thief

In Marian, Princess Thief, Robin Hood doesn’t exist at all. Instead the story follows Marian, who in this version is a princess, who escaped an assassination attempt and is now living in the forest as an outlaw with six other women - the genderbent versions of the Merry Men. Eventually there is a romance in this book as well, but the biggest force carrying through the book is the friendship between the women. If I had to describe the novel in just one word, I would say it’s lovable. If I had to describe it in two, I would say it’s dissappointingly heterosexual.

Maybe the fact that I found a genre that is basically “lesbian Robin Hood” has ruined me, but how can you write a story that features seven women living in the forest as outlaws, and not one of them is queer? This is entirely a thing that bothers me personally, and the book doesn’t need queer representation to be good, but there is no reason to not include it. Headcanons can fortunately go a long way, but I’m just saying that you could easily keep everything about Scarlett’s backstory the same except make her a lesbian. (In fact, I’m 98% joking when I say that her not being a lesbian is a homophobic choice. I will elaborate on this if you ask me but I won’t go too much into it here because I would have to explain things about other adaptations as well.)

As for the straight romance, I can’t say that I was feeling it. I could see the points where I was supposed to feel something, so maybe it’s just the fact that I’m aspec myself, but I didn’t care that much about it. Still, it was refreshing to see a story where the romance doesn’t overshadow the friendships between the women, and instead they are valued just as much (if not more) as the romantic relationship. The story doesn’t dig too deeply into the characters, but I still loved all the women. (I don’t care about the male lead. But I know others who would.)

I think the biggest “problem” this book has (apart from not making Scarlett a lesbian) is that the ending feels just a little bit rushed compared to the rest of the novel. I still think that the novel achieves everything it tries to do, but I could have used one more chapter to flesh out the climax.

The bingo card wasn’t even close to being full, but you know what, Marian, Princess Thief is good enough as it is and doesn’t need to follow all the familiar tropes. Still, how hard is it to include a bird?

This was a very quick read, in fact I basically just read it all in one go. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read something lighthearted and, like me, is often disappointed by the lack of women in Robin Hood stories.

To end this, I will leave you with a translated quote from my WhatsApp commentary: “What is it that in all these Robin Hood stories these old dudes are all after these young maidens like get yourself a hot milf and leave the kids alone”

Edale Lane: Heart of Sherwood

Heart of Sherwood is my favorite Robin Hood -novel that I have read so far. It has just about everything I could want: good characters, a fun sense of adventure, political scheming, great relationships (both romantic and platonic) and a good ending. I was less than two chapters into this book when I knew that this would be a difficult one to top.

The premise of this book is very similar to Burke’s Nottingham: both follow the story of Robyn becoming an outlaw, making friends with the other Merry (Wo)Men and developing a relationship with Marian. I don’t want to compare these two stories too much, but I did prefer the more lighthearted tone of Heart of Sherwood. This was also the first book where I was actually invested in the romance. Normally in pretty much all Robin Hood adaptations, the relationship between Robin and Marian doesn’t interest me greatly; I don’t mind it, but it’s not something I have too many personal feelings about. However, only a few chapters into Heart of Sherwood I thought: “If these two don’t get a happy ending I’m going to jump out of the window.” (I won’t spoil where this threat ended up going.)

One thing I appreciate about the romance in this one is that Robyn and Marian already know each other, so I didn’t have to deal with a romance that develops too fast. The novel also had other things to offer besides being a “lesbian Robin Hood” story, so I didn’t feel like I had to enjoy the romance to enjoy the whole story. I was very invested the whole way through, and out of all the books I’ve reviewed here, this one made me the most emotional.

As a fan of the BBC show, I do have to say that this novel had a very similar vibe; there was a good balance of action and humor. Maybe that was a part of why I enjoyed this so much. I was also able to predict exactly how certain things would end up. I kind of wish I would have been more surprised.

This novel is well paced, it is exactly the right length for the story it’s telling and overall I can’t really find things to complain about. If I wasn’t petty, I would give this book full five stars, but because I am petty, for very personal reasons I’m giving it 4,99999… stars. As for the bingo, this one filled most of the sheet.

I’ll end this review with this random line I had shared on WhatsApp for some reason: ""Does this mean I am dead?" Alan asked in jest. - - - "Nay; same annoying jester, alive as ever, and likely wanting for a pint about now."”

Conclusion

Writing these reviews was surprisingly difficult because most of the stories follow the same formula, so commenting on anything that moves away from said formula could be considered a spoiler. Hopefully if you read this far you were still interested enough in at least one of these books and feel inspired to read them. I would happily recommend any of them, and if you want to know my more detailed thoughts on them, feel free to message me. The same applies to all the adaptations I’ve gone through. I have Thoughts that I’m dying to share.

#robin hood #my post #I have no idea how to tag this???#my own tag for the bbc robin hood is pretty much my general rh tag but I don't want to put this in the public tag since this technically has #nothing to do with it

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spockandawe · 4 years

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Okay, I want to pull together more detailed thoughts at some point, I think, because the sheer amount of material means I have about ten billion thoughts to sort out. But I’ve read all three of the mxtx novels now, and loved all of them, in different ways. Though I already tried to figure out if I can pick a Favorite, and tbh, I can’t. I love them all in ways that are too distinct to let me rank them easily. And... man, it’s lucky for my friends that social distancing is in place, or I’d be hassling them shamelessly to give these novels a try.

RIGHT. So.

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System: Shen Yuan goes to bed full of rage directed at a trashy webnovel with a grimdark blackened hero who conquered the world and collected hundreds of women into his harem.... and wakes up in novel, while that hero is still an innocent youth. As the hero’s abusive teacher. Who is doomed for a horrifying death unless he can somehow turn things around.

I think I had the most fun with this one. I really enjoy self-referential stories, and stories poking fun at certain genres, and I’ve run into the concept of transmigration before (the idea being a person enters a fictional world, a la lost in austen), though I’m blanking on any media like that I’ve actually consumed. This was chronologically the first book mxtx wrote, and it has less of a sprawling cast with complicated relationships than the other two books, but it definitely has the thing where she lays early groundwork for later revelations that shatter my poor heart.

And there may be fewer relationships to play with, but my GOD, do I love the relationships we got. I’ve been rolling around in svsss fanfic since I finished the book, even more so than mdzs or tgcf. There’s a lot of good crunchy relationship content with the 79 ship (they destroy me, all day every day), Liu Qingge owns my whole-ass heart, and Luo Binghe makes for a fascinating love interest. I love that even at his best, he remains a needy, needy, manipulative boy, who’s so smart and strong and nEEDY. I don’t love how the book handled moshang, but mmmm the fan content is Good. And Shen Qingqiu does the unreliable narrator thing that is usually not my jam, but works so WELL in these books, in that his unreliable narration is hugely skewed towards not giving himself nearly as much credit as he deserves. Xie Lian takes this to UNBELIEVABLE heights in tgcf, but in Shen Qingqiu’s case, it’s done on such a casual, immediate, personal level that I’m fascinated by everything he does.

And, since Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu is a millennial fan of trashy romance webnovels who gets yanked into the universe of a novel he hates, into an old-timey xianxia setting, the prose is SO COOL. You swing between modern slang and old school high society courtesies at the drop of a hat, and I’m honestly awed that the translators were able to catch so much of that. Like, in-setting, I love all the nuance you can get in ‘qi-ge should give his a-jiu the scroll’ vs ‘yue-shixiong should give this teacher the scroll’ vs ‘you should give me the scroll’. But then it adds a whole new layer when the person ALSO has modern-day casual speech bouncing around in their head. It makes for a fascinating, fascinating reading experience.

The Grandmaster Of Demonic Cultivation: Thirteen years ago, Wei Wuxian died. And then he wakes up! In someone else’s body. I’m not going to try to summarize the premise of this one, go look up The Untamed if you want someone to do a better job of this than me XD

Ahhh, this was the book I read first. I still haven’t watched the show (only clips) and I’m not sure I ever will, because adhd is a hell of a drug. But it’s hard to purely evaluate the prose when there’s also this gorgeous, beautifully-acted visual adaptation all over my tumblr to bias me in its favor. I think this book benefits a lot from the MYSTERY of it all. From the very start, there’s the question of ‘what the fuck is up with this goddamn arm’ that the characters pursue, even as that takes them through flashbacks and other arcs within the story. It gives a thrust to the novel that I think isn’t exactly there in tgcf, though I’m torn on which one is “better.” This gave the story momentum, yes, but it also meant I was much more impatient in yi city and the 3zun flashbacks, because this isn’t what I was focused onnnnnn this is cool but how much longer will we BE HERE--

That being said, I think I’ll be more patient with those flashbacks on my next time through the book, now that I have a better picture of where everything is headed. I think the balance and structure of the book worked really well, I was setting myself up for self-sabotage because of the pace I was plowing through the thing. My reading habits didn’t lend themselves well to the nonlinear storytelling, and it speaks to the story’s strength that it held up that well despite me. And the CAST. My GOD. I went in not caring about anyone but Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji and maybe the jackass nephew, but... that Did Not Last. I didn’t intend to care about 3zun? Nope, too bad, you care so much now. Who cares about Xue Yang? Me. I care. Way too much. HECK!!!

And something that happens in this book and tgcf that was much less of a thing in svsss is that there are some meaningful holes in the story that I’d like to be filled, and I really care about filling-- and the story doesn’t go there. But it doesn’t leave me unhappy, it leaves me cheerfully scrabbling around in the throwaway details trying to piece together a picture of what happened when I wasn’t looking. What happened to Wei Wuxian in the burial mounds? How did Hua Cheng take control of the ghost city? Idk, but let us Rummage and theorize and roll around in ideas and have a fantastic, speculative time. Svsss might hook me more than the other stories from an au+shipping perspective, but mdzs and tgcf do a great job of making me want to roll around and create within the bounds of canon.

Heaven Official’s Blessing: 800 years ago, Xie Lian ascended to heaven. And fell. And rose again! And fell again. Now he’s ascended for the third time, and things are Awkward.

God, I just finished this, and I’m still reeling. This is the LONGEST mxtx book, that’s for sure. I also think it’s the most tightly edited translation. All the translators did an unbelievable job, I could never even approach what they accomplished, but I am genuinely stunned that a book this long was edited so well. I blew through this in about 3.5 days (if not for work, i could have made it in three dghsafdsgf) and my brain was cooking in my skull by the time I was halfway through, but I couldn’t STOP. I was ENCHANTED the entire time! I was reading so much my head was destroying me and I still sulked so HARD every time I had to put my phone down and sleep.

This book sprawls the hardest, I think, because it involves a cast made of mostly immortal/immortal-adjacent people, so time and space get... flexible. And I feel really bad saying this, because Lan Wangji is DEVOTED, but this is seriously the book with the most attentive and adoring and respectful love interest. Hua Cheng is..... god. I truly don’t think I’ve EVER read a character quite like him before, and I am so, so sad, because I don’t know how I’ll find one who lives up to these heights ever again XD I recommend reading this book just for the Hua Cheng experience, if nothing else. I was making audible noises at literally flailing at multiple points in the story, but most often, it was because of him.

Shipping is what usually drags me into a fandom hardest, and all of these books do pretty well for themselves, all of them have a nice selection of fluffy and crunchy ships to choose from. And this one... goddammit. I just realized, that the best, most crunchy ships are too spoilery for me to be willing to talk about them here. Hell. Goddammit. But I think tgcf has the crunchiest ship of all, even better than xuexiao. I was so invested, and then there were Reveals, and then I was like OH NO THIS IS TERRIBLE BUT MY INVESTMENT HAS EXPONENTIALLY INCREASED.

And something that I really, really appreciate, is that across the mxtx books, even though a lot of characters fit into strong archetypes, there’s nobody that is blurring together for me, either within or across the books. Liu Qingge isn’t Jiang Cheng isn’t Feng Xin. They’re all blunt, fighty boys, but all super distinct in my head, and what I want for each of them is distinct and character-driven. I want Liu Qingge to be properly cherished and I want Jiang Cheng to relax with his brother and nephew and I want Feng Xin to [goddammit i don’t want to spoil this book AGH]. It’s something I appreciated in the other books too, but I can really FEEL it in this book, with how long and luxurious it is.

And last thing I have to say, I think, is that tgcf is so long. It’s so, so long. But I would FITE if anyone tried to pare it down at all. I can’t think of anything I’d be willing to sacrifice. I enjoyed every last piece of it so much, and it was all ultimately SO well-constructed and interlocking, that any piece I can think of snipping out would take away significant emotional impact from what was left. It’s a nonlinear story, like mdzs is nonlinear, and I loved mdzs a lot! But the construction here is so, so, so elegant. I’m just in AWE of how well it was assembled. I was in Agony as reveals happened, because oh no no no no, now that they’ve told me this, that casts this whole other scene in a brand new light! The one I read hundreds of thousands of words ago! Literally, I need to go start the book over so I can savor the shitty teens in new ways, given [redacted] as revealed in like, the last twenty percent of the book. The book was a fun experience, but there’s so Much here that I know I haven’t even absorbed yet. I loved the other mxtx books a lot, and in many ways, they were easier to get a grasp on than tgcf was, but even before I finished tgcf I was already despairingly trying to figure out how easily I could fit a full reread into my life, and I think that says a lot

#tgcf #mdzs #svsss #long post/#[sad journaling noises as i realize that whatever ridiculous wordcount tgcf has still only counts as one completed book on my list]#i need to get an actual wordcount at some point #then stack up enough physical books to visually represent each of these monsters #i know i read a lot #enough that i very much want to know *how much* i read #because CHRIST

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metalgearkong · 4 years

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The Mandalorian - Season 1 - Review

12/30/19 **Spoilers

Created by Jon Favreau & Dave Filoney

It’s a miracle that someone finally come up with something in the Star Wars universe of which fans are unanimously happy with. The Mandalorian is easily the best live-action Star Wars content since Return of the Jedi, and is some of the best Star Wars in any medium since the original trilogy concluded. This is a reasonably low budget and smaller Star Wars tale that draws inspiration from old Samurai and Western films, the very thing that inspired George Lucas to create his vision in the first place. The Mandalorian is deliberately paced, and has a focus on character over having a big entangling bombastic story.

One of my favorite features is how grounded, dirty, and inelegant the show is within its own world. The Mandalorian himself, “Mando,” (Pedro Pascal) is far from a super human with flawless skills and incredible perfection. While he clearly has experience with blasters, gadgets, and hand-to-hand combat, virtually every action scene he’s in comes off as a real guy just doing the best he can. He almost always needs help from a side character, and survives by the skin of his teeth, with only a handful of standout moments when you see him in full control of his environment and enemies. It helped make the entire show feel relatible, realistic, and dramatic.

The Mandalorian takes place a few years after Return of the Jedi and the collapse of the Galactic Empire. Jedi are still a thing of misinformation and myth. The galaxy has become a wild west, and the Force isn’t even a concept most people know about. Although I do find it odd that Mandalorians wouldn’t have some knowledge of the Force or Jedi as the two factions have quite the history together over the past thousand years. It’s a nit pick but it gives the Jedi an heir of mystery and sorcery once again. It also contributes to the low key nature of this show where magic and spectacle are nearly non-existent. The Mandalorian doesn’t seem as concerned with bringing in huge masses of audiences, although it does draw in multiple demographics, more on that later. It’s a huge relief that something in Star Wars can feel so adult and be taken seriously, and it gives me a lot of hope for the future.

The Empire itself in The Mandalorian are resigned to an underground organization, with its only high profile leader seeming to be Grand Moff Gideon (possibly operating completely independently) played by Giancarlo Esposito. They still have their share of soldiers, vehicles, and weapons ordinance, but this is no longer a galaxy ruled or patrolled heavily by the “Imps.” One of my favorite things about this show is that we get a ton of stormtroopers and scout troopers as guys in dirty armor, which are unmodified from how they look in the original trilogy. I’ve been so sick of the fake CGI that brought clone troopers and battle droids to life in the movies and other shows. Some scenes give troopers a lot of humanity and personality as well. However the show perpetuates my issue with Star Wars as a whole where rank-and-file enemy troops prove to be little or no consequence as they can’t hit anything they shoot--and die themselves in one hit. I want stormtroopers one day to actually mean something and pose a threat to a protagonist.

The true star, however, happens to be the “Child,” the most brilliant creation of the show. Most of The Mandalorian is about a lone warrior shooting guns and fighting through dangerous situations, but the Child brings in entire audiences that may not have been interested in this very macho kind of show to begin with. The best part is, he’s a natural addition to the story and lore. The Child isn’t just an adorable shoe-in to give women and kids something to go “aaaw” at. The Child is an infant member of Yoda’s race, a race the creators intentionally never gave any detail on ever in Star Wars history. It sparks tons of intrigue as to where the race is from, how it develops, and its natural strong connection to the Force. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of the show and aside from the Child’s cute antics, it kept me hooked.

Mando himself is your typical stoic gunslinger type who makes his living on bounty hunting. While he doesn’t have much uniqueness at first, you slowly learn more about him and the Mandalorian clan he is part of. Pedro Pascal gives a great physical performance, as his face is hidden by the helmet he is sworn never to take off in front of another living thing. The Mandalorians themselves seem to be a creed of people who were once regarded as great warriors, but are now nearly extinct. It’s yet another mystery to the show that I crave to learn more and more about. The heart and soul of this show is truly the relationship between the Child and Mando, two people who couldn’t be more opposite, and I think the memes infecting the entire internet speak for themselves.

We run into a lot of great side characters as well, usually one stand out per episode. These sidekicks are usually played by famous comedians or actors, and it was a fun game of “who’s that” every week it came on. These people Mando comes across are usually former solders or people who fall into the Chaotic Neutral category of washed up past their prime. The best of these is IG-11, the same model as IG-88 briefly seen in Empire Strikes Back and several Legends material. We finally get to see this kind of droid in action and why it’s so great. IG-11 is brought to life by excellent CGI, and what I’m guessing is a lot of robotic work as well. He’s voiced by none other than Taika Waititi and he gives a hilarious and poignant personality to the hunter droid.

My other favorites include Carl Weathers as a bounty hunting guild leader, Nick Nolte as a lonely but helpful Ugnaught engineer, and Gina Carano as Cara Dune, a former Rebel shock trooper. Each of these characters are contrasted to Mando’s. He gets help one way or another from these people, and it helps flesh out his character seeing how he reacts to what they do and say. Mando goes through a great but subtle arch throughout the show, as we see him go from what appears to be a cold blooded killer, to someone who cares again about the people around him. Again, it’s nothing new or original, but it’s executed very well. The side characters aren’t just celebrities of the week either. Many of them come back in later episodes to help Mando and the Child, and I hope they continue to appear in future seasons.

Not only does The Mandalorian pay excellent homage to the original trilogy, but also combines elements from both the prequel and sequel trilogies as well. Small things like technology and droids (mostly background elements) help solidify the entire Star Wars canon in very subtle and realistic ways. It’s a great transitional time in the universe between the Empire and the First Order, and I can’t wait to see how this show continues to exist and influence the world its in. The only weakness I could say is that many of the episodes don’t go through a lot of change in terms of plot, and are more excuses for character introductions and character development. The show is so well executed, however, this isn’t a huge problem because nearly every minute has something to appreciate and enjoy. I love the mature tone and pace, and hope that never changes.

The Mandalorian may be a sign that Star Wars should transform itself to being small scaled. It seems like just about everything that can be done with the Jedi has been done, and I don’t know how you can throw more twists into Force using and blowing up giant super weapons. The Mandalorian was created with so much love and care, I want all Star Wars content to follow this same philosophy. Forget the big movies with huge lineages and chosen one prophecies, I want to take a fine toothed comb to the underbelly of the Star Wars universe. Keep it character focused, keep it low key. I can’t wait to see what future seasons of this show hold, and I pray that it maintains its quality and pace its established here.

8.5/10

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mediaeval-muse · 4 years

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Book Review

Unveiled by Courtney Milan. Ontario: HQN Books, 2011.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, #1 of 4 in the Turner Series

Summary: Ash Turner has waited a lifetime to seek revenge on the man who ruined his family - and now the time for justice has arrived. At Parford Manor, he intends to take his place as the rightful heir to the dukedom and settle an old score with the current duke once and for all. But instead he finds himself drawn to a tempting beauty who has the power to undo all his dreams of vengeance…. Lady Margaret knows she should despise the man who's stolen her fortune and her father's legacy - the man she's been ordered to spy on in the guise of a nurse. Yet the more she learns about the new duke, the less she can resist his smoldering appeal. Soon Margaret and Ash find themselves torn between old loyalties - and the tantalizing promise of passion…

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger Warnings: sexual content; mentions of abuse, homelessness, dubious consent, and bullying

Overview: Surprise, surprise, I’m reading another Courtney Milan book. I previously read Unraveled, which is the last book in the Turner Series, so I’m a bit out of order. BUT I’m going back and reading the books I skipped, so be on the lookout for more reviews. Unveiled is delightful in the way that many of Milan’s books are - complicated social obstacles, characters that feel distinct, and an overall arc about accepting oneself and finding a voice. I had an immensely good time reading it, and my complaints have mostly to do with personal taste.

Writing: I really love the way Milan writes so cleanly and effortlessly. Her prose has that nice quality of seeming plain and straightforward, but when compared to other styles, it’s clear that she puts a lot of effort into her craft. She also strikes a nice balance between showing and telling in Unveiled, holding back on a lot of explanations and instead letting a lot of things come to light through her characters’ actions. At no point did I feel like backstory was just being told to me without there being some way it was also shown to me. The only complaint I really have is the pacing towards the end. My edition is 378 pages long, so I understand not wanting to add any more material, but as a reader, I think I would have enjoyed end to be drawn out a little more so that the level of detail is the same as throughout the rest of the book.

Plot: Unveiled uses some familiar romance tropes: disguised identity, questions of inheritance and legitimacy, enemies to lovers, etc. At no point, however, did I feel like I was uninvested; Milan carefully crafts her story so that nothing felt like it was thrown in arbitrarily. In most of her books, but especially this one, Milan is very good at balancing her tropes to create genuine tension - nothing can be easily solved by characters just talking to one another, and there are consequences for everything. For example, our heroine, Margaret, is disguising her identity, but she can’t just reveal who she is and get her happily ever after. Likewise, our hero, Ash, can’t just cathartically pursue revenge - his actions have consequences that affect innocent people. As a result, I was eager to keep reading to see how the tangle of the plot would play out. Something I also really like about many of Milan’s books is that the plot also revolves around empowering women in ways other than through their desire. In Unveiled, the main arc for Ash and Margaret is about learning to see people for who they truly are and recognize their inherent worth, regardless of social standing. It gives the plot a little more emotional weight and can we woven into the romance or into the other parts of the narrative. I think it’s really smart, and I enjoy reading Milan’s books because of that.

Characters: Our heroine, Margaret, is extremely likable for her take-no-crap attitude and sharp tongue. Part of it stems from her hurt and frustration at her situation - she’s been legally declared illegitimate, so her family’s name has been tarnished - but part of her attitude also comes from an inner strength that I admired. Margaret is also fiercely loyal in a way that is challenged throughout the book, which I found enjoyable because it means she goes through some character evolution, learning who is worth being loyal to and who isn’t, based on character rather than blood. Ash, our hero, is likewise interesting to read because he has some hidden insecurities. At first, he’s all confidence and charisma, and like Margaret, is fiercely loyal to his family. However, there’s a distinct gulf between him and his brothers, which stems from a traumatic past involving his leaving them in the care of a mentally unstable mother. He spends a lot of time grappling with that guilt and trying to make up for it financially, and though his brothers bear him no blame, it was fascinating to see how their experiences caused a rift in the family. Because of this rift, there was an interesting dynamic between Ash and his brother, Mark. Because Ash was so focused on supporting his family financially, he didn’t receive a proper education. Mark, on the other hand, attends school thanks to Ash’s efforts, so there’s an interesting commentary on educated vs “uneducated” members of society, elite vs working class, etc. This dynamic plays out in interactions with other characters, too, from the household staff to the House of Lords, making everything feel purposeful. The main things I didn’t like involved Ash’s possessiveness. When Ash first sees Margaret, he tells his brother that she’s his to seduce, which I found a little aggressive for a first meeting. Luckily, Ash isn’t in it for sex alone, but I still dislike it when heroes see a woman and their first thought is about lust. Towards the end, Ash’s confidence and strength of will also became a little possessive. I was a tad bit uncomfortable in the way he ruthlessly pursued his goals regarding Margaret, though he does make up for it in the end. Other readers might not find it to be a problem - it wasn’t toxic, by any means. I just don’t like possessiveness in my heroes.

Romance: I’m a sucker for a good enemies-to-lovers romance, so I found Ash and Margaret’s story to be just the thing I needed to entertain myself during Covid-19. Despite his goal to seduce her, Ash never pressured Margaret into sleeping with him and allowed Margaret to make choices regarding how intimate their relationship became. I have a hard time being invested in a romance when male heroes are so driven by lust that things like consent and agency go out the window, so it’s always nice when a male love interest acts like a genuinely caring human being. This “lord seduces his subordinate” trope was nicely paralleled with “self-defense” sessions, in which Mark taught the female staff how to fend off unwanted advances, and Mark’s humorous philosophical pamphlet on male chastity - both of which made for moments between Ash and Margaret elsewhere in the book that deepened their emotional connection.

As far as the sex scenes, I found them to be steamy without being gratuitous. Milan has a talent for not including too many intimate scenes in her books, allowing them to enhance the story rather than be the focus itself. The same is true in Unveiled; Ash and Margaret have enough moments where readers looking for graphic content will be satisfied, but doesn’t let them distract from the emotional arcs of her characters, nor the overall, non-romance plot.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re interested in historical romance (especially set in the early-mid 19th century), enemies to lovers, concealed identities, questions of inheritance and legitimacy, and the function of social class.

#book reviews

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howlandreads · 5 years

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I Really Hate This Show, Which I Love More Than Life Itself

Hey guys!! I know I haven’t posted any metas in months, (I’ve been super busy between work and school) but Game of Thrones is back and I’m really going to try and make Tumblr a priority for at least the next six weeks! As you can probably tell from my previous posts I’m pretty anti D&D and have significant issues with their adaptation of ASOIAF, but I’m also pretty excited that one of the biggest events in fandom history is taking place every Sunday for the next month and a half, so I’m pretty conflicted about my feelings for the show right now -- That being said, here’s my general thoughts on Season 8 Episode 1 – “Winterfell”:

I don’t have too much to say about the “previously on” section of the episode, but I did find two things particularly interesting. The first is something @theusurpersdog mentioned to me; Cersei says “The monsters are real,” and then we get a smash cut to D*ny riding Drogon. Most people have assumed the audience is meant to see the dragons as monsters, but it could also be foreshadowing some oncoming Dark!Dany content. The second thing I found interesting was how the clip of Bran’s Warg eyes is shown right before we see Viserion’s Wight eyes, which might be some foreshadowing for the popular theory that Bran’s going to Warg a dragon this season.

Next is the opening scene where we see Jon and D*ny arriving to the North, which is the first of this episode’s 1,000 callbacks to the first episode. It’s a scene that’s clearly meant to mirror Robert’s arrival to Winterfell from “Winter Is Coming”, which mostly works except for the fact that the Baratheon theme is playing in the background despite the fact that there’s not a Baratheon in sight, except for Gendry, who’s not even a true Baratheon.

I adore Maisie Williams in this scene. Last season’s Arya was such a mess, and though I still feel show Arya is nothing compared to the complexity of ASOIAF’s Arya, she seems to be much more herself this episode. The look on her face when she sees Jon is perfect, as is her subtle heartbreak when he doesn’t notice her. I continue to be tired of the amount of The Hound content D&D continue to subject us to, but I do like that we see Arya’s joy at seeing that Gendry is alive.

Though I love Arya in this scene, the most important part is D*enarys. In a crowd of dark fur coats, she stands out clothed in pure white, and the Northerners take notice. This scene also sets her up as a liability to Jon, both with the North and his own family. When he’s with D*ny he misses Arya in the crowd, setting up the recurring theme of the episode that the more he’s with her the less he’s a Stark. I also appreciate that her first appearance of the season shows that the fear of the subjugated is what she’s after, not their love or respect. Her delight at the terror her dragons instill seems to bode well for Dark!Dany theories. Overall, I enjoyed how the dragons were portrayed. I love that Arya is awestruck, and that Sansa is in wonder for a moment, but immediately sees the danger in their presence in the North. Sophie plays this brilliantly, and the look of resolve Sansa has shows that she won’t be intimidated by grand displays of superiority from D*ny.

I have a lot of thoughts on the courtyard reunion scene, but I’ll only mention the really important things since I don’t want this post to be too long. The reunion of Jon and Bran was good, but not nearly as good as their relationship deserved. Jon and Sansa’s reunion left a lot to be desired. Why is Sansa only glad to see him for less than a second before she’s side-eying D*ny? So many of my issues with D&D come from their inability to write women who aren’t reduced to pure pettiness, and this episode was a classic example of their failure to provide complex female characters. Sansa is so justified in her concerns about D*ny and I wish the writing portrayed her as a an incredibly intelligent Lady of Winterfell, who has every right to bitterness towards the woman who’s demanded the fealty of her people, instead of just another small-minded and petty female character who’s more concerned with glaring at D*ny than she is with fighting the fast approaching White Walkers. D*ny stans also have a right to be offended by this episode as D*ny is fairly one dimensional as well.

Sexist writing aside, my biggest issue with this scene is that somehow nobody cares that a freaking undead dragon is coming their way. Not even D*ny, the Mother of Dragons, is given more than a two second reaction shot. This should be devastating for her, and her plotline for the episode should have been her processing her grief.

There’s a lot of issues with this scene, but I will say that Bran is amazing throughout this scene and the whole episode. Is he the ASOIAF Bran that I love? No, but he is spectacularly dramatic and I’m here for it.

Next is the Great Hall scene. Again, the Northerners are treated as small-minded and petty over their concern for titles and independence, and I fail to see why. Westeros is a feudal society, which means of course titles mean everything. And beyond titles, of course Northerners are justified in their want for independence. Each Kingdom has its own argument for independence, but the North’s is by far the strongest. They’re larger than the other kingdoms combined, and have a completely different climate and a completely different set of needs than the southern kingdoms. Not to mention the fact they’ve been the most consistently victimized by the tyrants of King’s Landing.

This scene is much better about treating Sansa as an intelligent leader who’s aware of the North’s situation. Again, there’s a lot more I have to say but this post is already getting pretty long, so I’ll move on to Sansa and Tyrion’s reunion.

I’m so torn on how to feel about this particular reunion. It’s deeply upsetting because it’s a wretched reminder of so many of D&D’s past sins, in particular the whitewashing of Tyrion’s character, and how Sansa’s development was completely undercut in the process. This scene also shows a stark contrast between show Sansa and book Sansa. It’s impossible to imagine book Sansa fondly remembering Joffrey clawing at his own throat, unable to breathe – it’s actually essential to her character that she wouldn’t. What leaves me torn is that I still really love show Sansa. Though D&D’s adaptation will never compare to the beautiful and brilliant character GRRM created in Sansa, I can still root for a badass Sophie Turner fondly remembering the day her serial abuser died.

Now onto my favorite scene of the whole episode, Jon and Arya’s reunion. Both Kit and Maisie were so good in this scene. I love their genuine happiness and comfort at seeing each other again after all these years apart. I love the silent mourning of their youth when Arya confesses to Jon that she’s used Needle once or twice. It was also really nice to see Arya defending Sansa after the absolute tragedy that was Arya and Sansa’s plotline last season. It was also good to see how clearly hurt Jon is by what he perceives as Sansa’s lack of faith in him.

I don’t have all that much to say when it comes to the section of this episode that takes place outside Winterfell, since there’s not a whole lot of substance in it. All I really need to say is that I continue to adore Lena Heady, I love the reference to elephants, I’m continually upset by the writers seeming lack of understanding when it comes to consent, and the Theon and Yara plotline is mostly a waste of time, which is incredibly disappointing because it has so much potential.

The next scene is by far the worst of the episode. I still can’t get over how unbelievably disrespectful to the source material it is to have Jon’s first time riding a dragon be written as comedy. The only thing worth noting from this sequence is the ominous way Jon keeps his eyes open while making out with Dany, and how foreboding his eye contact with Drogon was.

Though I loved every second of Arya and Gendry’s reunion, it was a mostly superficial scene so I’ll skip passed it.

Jon and Sansa’s candlelit and tense conversion was content™, but I’m hoping to make a Jonsa focused post about this week’s episode in the next couple of days so all I’ll say is that I loved this scene.

Next, we have Sam’s discovery that his family has been executed, the reveal of R+L=J, and the beginning of the emotional and political fallout these revelations will cause. I’m so unbelievably disappointed by this sequence. Jon discovering the truth of his parentage should have easily been the most important scene in the series to date, and the whole thing just fell flat. The main problem with this scene is that it focuses on the political ramifications instead Jon’s emotional response.

In the second to last scene Tormund discovers the dead body of the child Lord Umber surrounded by some pretty horrific centipede arms. The White Walkers haven’t really been all that threatening since Hardhome, but damn was that shriek unsettling.

The episode closes with Jaime’s arrival at Winterfell, and I couldn’t be happier. Hopefully confronting the man who crippled him will be enough for Bran to not be a robot, at least for one episode. That combined with the fact that Sansa and Jaime will finally be meeting is more than I can handle. As much as I was excited for this week’s episode, I can’t begin to express how ready I am for next week.

Overall, I had some issues with D&D’s execution, but I’m mostly excited for where it seems this season is going.

#game of thrones #A Song of Ice and Fire #ASoIaF #got #asoiaf meta #Jaime Lannister #Sansa Stark #jon snow #gotjonsa #jonsa #anti daenerys #anti targaryen #house stark #gothousestark #bran stark #I really hate this show which I love more than life itself

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storiesofwildfire · 4 years

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@tarthsoath said: "I hope its not presumptuous to offer." There is an awkward stiffness to her back as Brienne offers the bundle of clothing once more. Their travels were long, yes, but she did try to make them comfortable for her companion and of late Loki was tugging and pawing at her dresses. Wincing just so at the title of my lady. Now she may not know much about... other tastes but serving Renley had thought her a few things. There was no shame in it. "Mens clothing. I thought you may be more comfortable."

♔—- Loki had been gifted with many abilities that her brethren did not possess. They never judged her for it, never treated her poorly for it, but they did envy her. None of them would admit it, of course. No one ever wanted to admit to pinning after what they could not have, even those who were not human or... were no longer human. For most of them, they stood above the rest, a superior set of beings that thrived off of what others could not and had more claim to the lands than anyone else.

They did, however, seek to use her gifts. It was why she’d been sent south of the Wall because she was the only one who could. In a way, that still alienated her. They made her feel special, important, perhaps the most important of them all thanks to the gifts that she held over them, but it only served to push her away. After all, she was hundreds, perhaps even thousands of miles away from home, and she had very little in the way of companionship from her home. After a while, it felt like she had no family and she would only be welcomed home if she proved herself useful after running South.

Perhaps that was why Loki felt less and less inclined to return? For years, she roamed and wandered, focused on why she’d left the North in the first place, but as of late, it was easier and easier to find herself... distracted.

One of those distractions happened to be her current traveling companion. Brienne was... lovely, though every time that thought occurred to her, she wondered what she meant by that. Was she lovely to look at? Lovely to spend time with? Lovely to talk to? In truth, it was the entire package. Brienne paid a special sort of attention to her. Their relationship seemed more complicated than it appeared on the surface. To an outsider looking in, Brienne was charged with Loki’s protection and Loki traveled with her for her own good. Loki also had a habit of twitching towards mischievous tendencies, just to keep things interesting. Traveling day in and day out on horseback could be painstakingly boring and Brienne, unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on how one wanted to look at it—was responsible for curbing Loki’s worst impulses and making sure she stayed out of trouble.

Brienne had only ever known Loki as she presented herself now, but the truth was, one of those special abilities that her kind did not typically develop happened to be shapeshifting. She’d taken so many forms since she left the North, she almost forgot what she was supposed to look like, or rather, what she originally looked like.

The more she shifted, though, the more fluid she felt in her own body. Natural and freeing in a way that most things weren’t. She could be whatever she wanted to be and practicing restraint on that was a challenge. After she fell in with Renly and Margaery’s lot, though, she didn’t have the luxury to shift whenever she pleased. Margaery took a special liking to her, one that could have been easily compromised should she reveal her real nature. She hoped, once she got away from Margaery, she’d had a bit more freedom to do as she pleased, but Brienne was almost always within eyeshot.

And traveling...

It became cumbersome in the ridiculous outfits she was expected to wear. Even travel wear designed for women was just so impractical and uncomfortable. She hadn’t noticed the rising irritation, the constant pulling at restricting collars, and the fumbling with frumpy skirts that constantly threatened to have her tripping into the mud and made riding a horse properly a chore in and of itself.

Brienne noticed, though. So much so that as they rode into town to stop for a few days, Brienne wandered off to run “a few errands,” she claimed. Odd, Loki thought. Usually, Loki went with her to pick up food and supplies for their travels. Brienne put value in her needs and her input, so Loki found it odd that she waited in the inn for Brienne’s return.

At least it gave her some time to wash and rest without someone else in her personal space. Not that she actually minded Brienne’s company. In fact, she rather enjoyed it. Even the somewhat annoyed-yet-affectionate sigh that left the woman’s lips when she had to intervene on one of Loki’s schemes. Attentive and concerned, Brienne seemed invested in her, not because of what she could do for her, but because she cared for her. A feeling Loki wasn’t at all used to, but one that she craved and loved all the same.

By the time Brienne came back to their modest room, Loki had a fire going and did her best to dry her hair, which hung around her shoulders in damp tresses. A robe hung around her frame, a gift from Margaery that Loki actually carried with her and used on a regular basis. She just couldn’t stand the thought of pulling one of those tedious dresses back on, not just yet...

So, when Brienne stepped through the door with a bag in hand, Loki glanced up from the fire and smiled. “Glad to see you made it back okay, not that I ever doubted you would.” There was no room for doubt when Brienne was easily one of the most talented warriors she’d ever seen. “Though I have to wonder why you didn’t ask me along. Growing tired of keeping after me? It’s all right, I won’t be offended, I—”

She paused when Brienne murmured something about possibly being presumptuous. Loki’s focus shifted fully to her and the bag that she offered. Men’s clothing, she explained, and Loki blinked in surprise. Brienne might have been observant and wanted to look out for her, but she didn’t expect her to sort out Loki’s issues without ever even speaking on it.

Reaching out, she took the bag in her hands and pulled it open to take a look at the contents inside. Relief flooded her eyes, but only for a moment.

“How... How could you have possibly known?” she asked. “I mean, I never said anything to you about—” Well, it was difficult to explain. Hell, Loki didn’t even understand it herself most of the time. She was what she was and what she was happened to be difficult to define. She could accept that. Explaining it to other people, though? Gods, that was the hard part.

“I have no idea how you sorted this out but thank you. I—I really needed this.”

#ask Loki #answered prayers #tarthsoath #c; brienne #( au verse ; game of thrones ) you are all southerners to me #( ship ; tarthsoath ) in a world without meaning you give me one to believe in #( ship ) loki x brienne #( long response ) if it were easy everyone would do it

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mygenderstudiesblog-blog · 4 years

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An Intimate Look into a Heartbreaking Reality: The Garden Left Behind

By: Alyssa Macpherson

Introduction:

I recently had the opportunity to attend the Reelout queer film + video festival in Kingston, Ontario to watch one of their feature films. The film I chose to watch was The Garden Left Behind directed by Flavio Alves.

About This Film:

The Garden Left Behind is centred around a young trans woman named Tina Carrera who lives with her grandmother in New York City. The film sheds light upon the daily challenges Tina faces including her identity, her love life, the hatred she receives, and the struggles of being an undocumented immigrant. Throughout the film, Tina struggles to find herself and to fit in as a trans woman who has not yet fully transitioned. Tina finds comfort and purpose with members of a “Trans Lives Matter” social movement and begins to feel accepted and worthy, despite confusion and negativity towards the cause from both her grandmother and the man she loves. This film takes us through Tina’s life and her physical and monetary struggle to transition and to be happy with both her life and herself. Due to many setbacks, Tina starts to feel defeated, which does not go unnoticed by a young man who has been closely observing Tina from afar.

My Opinion:

In my opinion, The Garden Left Behind was an extremely powerful and memorable film. Many important topics were discussed in great detail and as the audience, we were all left with many strong feelings after watching it. This film was certainly heavy and had mature content within it which I felt was ultimately why the film was so powerful. There was a disclaimer and a trigger warning given before the film began along with a brief introduction by the Reelout employees. This prepared the audience for what they were about to watch and ensured no one would be shocked or surprised by the nature of the film. This was very important as the subjects and events of the film dealt with many touchy subjects that could easily make viewers feel uncomfortable and upset.`

One aspect of the film that really stood out to me and that I felt was very impactful was the way in which numerous social issues and ideas were tackled at once. This movie is primarily based around the struggles trans individuals face each day however that was definitely not the only topic that was addressed. The subjects of immigration and race along with poverty and unemployment played vital roles in this film. The intersectionality that The Garden Left Behind expressed was extremely useful and vital to really understand the struggles that the characters were facing. It showed the “multiple levels of discrimination” (Kaufman 2018) that these women were facing not only from being trans, but due to their race, gender, and class as well. The intersectionality in this film made it a lot more applicable to the real world and greatly enhanced its relevance. The intersectional variety in this film was very powerful and made the overall message and meaning immensely impactful to all viewers.

One of the major subjects in The Garden Left Behind were protests and social movements. Especially in popular areas such as New York City, social movements are very common and effective at voicing opinions on serious topics. The march and social movement in this film was the “Trans Lives Matter” movement. This movement focuses on the unfair and unjust treatment the trans community faces from police in their daily life. They encouraged the fact that “gender is socially constructed”, (Raskoff 2017) and that they should not need to be cisgender to be treated fairly by police. These social movements are a powerful way to stand up for what you believe in and by including them in this film, it demonstrates the reality of the work that many activists put in to try to make a difference. The other people involved with the social movement in the film also helped Tina feel like she fit in and she found people that understood how she constantly felt. “The Trans Lives Matter” group provided Tina with the stability and assurance she desperately needed to feel worthy and important. The importance of friends in this context and an inclusive environment is something I feel is extremely important for all people. Friends make you feel worthy and valid and you can be yourself around them without the fear of being judged. This film did an excellent job of portraying the importance of having friends to lean on for support and reassurance and proved that no matter what, there’s always people there that care about you. Knowing that you are never alone is a very important message to get across to the audience especially youth as they find themselves and as mental illness and self-doubt are extremely prevalent to that age group.

Another aspect of the film I found extremely interesting was the fear and embarrassment that was demonstrated towards Tina and other trans people. Tina’s boyfriend Jason, who she was with for the beginning of the movie, refused to go out in public with her and acted ashamed and embarrassed to be associated with her at all. He seemed to enjoy the sexual aspects of their relationship but nothing more. He slowly distanced himself from Tina due to his binary thinking and the idea that he did not fit into the typical “man” role. There was also a young boy named Chris, who watched Tina from a far and slowly seemed to fall in love with her. After being exposed to his transphobic and cisgender friends, when he finally came face to face with Tina, he acted out of rage and hatred towards her, instead of showing her his real feelings. He seemed to genuinely hate himself for falling in love with her and due to his friends opinions, he felt trapped and embarrassed. This truly shows the stigma associated with trans people in society as Chris felt so trapped and confused due to feeling it was wrong for loving someone who was not cisgender.

Final Thoughts:

Overall, I felt The Garden Left Behind was a powerful and touching film that tackled numerous important social issues present in today’s society. I felt the film did an excellent job depicting the thoughts and feelings of both members of the trans community and others looking in. After watching this film, everyone is guaranteed to feel many powerful emotions that will leave them with a new understanding of the challenges and struggles many face in their everyday lives.

Word count: 1085

Works Cited:

Kaufman, Peter. “Intersectionality for Beginners.” Everyday Sociology, https://www.everydaysociologyblog.com/2018/04/intersectionality-for-beginners.html#more

Raskoff, Sally. “Signs of Gender.” Everyday Sociology, https://www.everydaysociologyblog.com/2017/03/signs-of-gender.html#more

#reeloutfilmfestival #thegardenleftbehind

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ludacryst · 5 years

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Survey Says..

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I'm 5'3, but I sometimes wish I was shorter because of how cute it can be in a relationship. I've watched too much anime, okay?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Well, @warpedbelief didn't help me figuring this out because his dragon idea was really cool. However... I'll just stick with cats. I love cats. (I also love dragons..)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Comfortable. Lol. I mostly wear PJs.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Final Fantasy series in general. 7 & 9 Specifically. My heart was always with Zelda ALTTP though.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Erwin, Wiggles, PoF (Power of Friendship, so my friends/family.)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Caution : Speaks her mind far too often. No filter. Bossy af. Does not cave easily.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? I don't know.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Melancholic.

9: Are you ticklish? .....No...?....(Yes)

10: Are you allergic to anything? Lots of stuff. There's a list uploaded somewhere.

11: What’s your sexuality? Heteronormative Bisexual. I used to call it straight with a twist until I figured out there was an actual term for it. Basically, I'm emotionally attracted to men and commonly see myself in a relationship with men. (My Husband, HI.) However, I have similar attractions physically to women, but have never seen myself in a relationship with one other than physically.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa or Tea, but I'll drink any of em.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat. 1000% They're chill just like me... once they're older.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Elf, probably. I love nature, I hate being allergic to it though.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Nah, I just skim youtube from time to time, no favorite.

16: How tall are you? 5'3.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I'd probably keep it in the realm it's already in. So, I'm Crystal. I go by Crys (Chris) so probably Christina.. or anything that could shorten it to Chris of sorts. It's just me.

18: How much do you weigh? 175-190, depends on if I've ate fast food recently or not. More averaged at 186, but it's jumped a lot the past few months. Goal weight is 125.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Sure. I don't disbelieve. Had a thing when i was a kid a few times that make me think something exists.. whether or not we know what it is.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space. Stars. I love water don't get me wrong, but I'm more curious about what we can't physically reach.

21: Are you religious? Nah.

22: Pet peeves? Liars, people who try to grind my gears, people saying "I'm going to do it just to spite you." I'm tired of toxicity of people.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal. I'm defaulted to Nocturnal, so just eat some edibles and we're in bed by 10pm! :)

24: Favorite constellation? Leo ;)

25: Favorite star? Sirius, it shines the brightest.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don't like dolls. They're creepy.

27: Any phobias or fears? Irrational : Dolls, Being around people. Rational : Heights, Closed Spaces t-t

28: Do you think global warming is real? Fucking. Is this seriously a question? Of course it's real.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I actually like to. It gives me hope there's something after death.

30: Favorite movie? I'm not sure I have a favorite movie...

31: Do you get scared easily? Nah, but I love a good jump scare.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? Christina - My first doggie, passed away when I was in 4th grade. She was a mini collie~ Alexi - My green/yellow parakeet. Passed away at roughly 2-3 years old. Jiggy - My gray/white beautiful DHS big boi kitty. (2006-2016) Momma - My loving calico who picked me over everyone. ;o; (2006-2018) Wiggles - Adopted from my family, he's a tyrant! He loves his dad more than me tho... [rude] (2016-???)

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] You CC please.

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue. Blue is always relaxing, especially softer/darker blues.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Travel wise, I want to visit a lot of places. Germany, UK, Canada... more specifically Niagara Falls.. Live wise, if I could, I'd live in Canada. However... I just want to live in the midwest, or east, somewhere more affordable in the US.

36: Where were you born? Ohio!

37: What is your eye color? Blue-gray.

38: Introvert or extrovert? 1000% introverted.

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they're amusing as fuck. I don't believe/follow them 100%. I do like to imagine what it would be like if they were right though. I follow zodiac stuff way more than horoscope.

40: Hugs or kisses? xoxoxo - Preferably hugs, they're for everyone! *HUGS*

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Scotty! ( @warpedbelief )

42: Who is someone you love deeply? @hyphenhero - My husbando.

43: Any piercings you want? I really dunno any more. The only one I've been considering lately is Daith.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I don't dislike tattoos and piercings.

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? Cigarettes are disgusting. Be more descriptive of your "smoking." I have marijuana vapes I enjoy.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Well, I married him.

47: What is a sound you really hate? Anything pitchy. My ears have been killing me the past year or so.

48: A sound you really love? Meow.

49: Can you do a backflip? HAHAHA No.

50: Can you do the splits? Almost did them on accident the other day. It really hurt. (No)

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Do voice actors count? Because then I'm between two. Johnny Yong Bosch and Matt Mercer.

52: Favorite movie? Wasn't this asked already? I don't have one.

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I really want to bleach it blonde again.

55: When did you feel happiest? Maybe when we first moved into our second apartment? The rent was cheaper, it was nice. I miss freedom. Though, I also miss having a full guild of friends and getting along and having fun together.. Man I'm getting old.

56: Something that calms you down? Marijuana primarily. Hugs. Kittens.

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] Anxiety, Depression, Memory issues xD Honestly you should just ask if there's stuff NOT wrong with me.

58: What does your URL mean? It's a nickname a friend gave me 11 years ago. Holy crap. It's been 11 years.

59: What three words describe you the most? Sassy, Bratty, Mom-ish.

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Too much spam/boring content. Stuff I'm not interested in. Sometimes inactivity for years.

62: What makes you follow a blog? Stuff I'm interested in typically.

63: Favorite kind of person: People I can just talk to about anything. I like to talk. I don't like to be pestered and felt bad about not responding right away. I enjoy helping people. So I'm mostly a listener. I like to talk about stuff we're mutually interested in. Sometimes I love people I can debate with but not hate after (reasonable debates.) I guess I'm going to be that guy and copy what my friend said.. "Engaging, but not too much that I’m constantly tired. I like doing nothing, but doing nothing with the right person."

64: Favorite animal(s): Cats. All the cats.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I don't really actively follow any specific blog in particular! :x

66: Favorite emoticon: :smirk: (use it on discord... though if you played maplestory, it's an F3 equivalent... )

67: Favorite meme: You said that tho?

68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ-T

69: What is your star sign? Leo

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No dog, but you'd be damn right to guess I'd train them.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? Any of the fluffy pjs with a thin tank top.

72: Post a selfie or two? https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/me https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/wedding

73: Do you have platform shoes? Nah. I don't have heels either.

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? My memory is absolutely shit in most situations. However, in certain and RANDOM AF situations it can be clear as day. If I want to learn/remember something? Forget about it. If I could not care less about something? You'll be damn straight I'll remember it.

75: Can you do a front flip? Lol, no.

76: Do you like birds? Yeah, cept the annoying high pitched ones T_T

77: Do you like to swim? I used to love to. I can't really be in the sun for long any more though.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Never been Ice Skating! Always wanted to try. I'd probably equally enjoy both.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Mosquitoes, Cancer, Violence. On the violence part... It's mostly guns. If we had swordsman style fights - It'd be more interesting.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: Cures to incurables. Cancer, Epilepsy, Autism, etc. (I'm an epilepsy survivor.)

81: Piercings you have? Had an eyebrow piercing, lost it the same month I got it to pink eye.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: Watching television. I miss reading. I have a hard time focusing on reading now.

83: Favorite person to talk to: I have 3! Erwin (@hyphenhero) - My husband~ and my friends Scott (@warpedbelief) and Brandon.

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? What the fuck is this and why do people use it? inb4 I replaced wordpress with it.

85: How many followers do you have? I don't really check. My Tumblr is mostly for me... and I just restarted fresh these past few months.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Maybe if I tried. Used to be able to run one in 6.

87: Do your socks always match? Yeah.

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? HA, Never could.

89: What are your birthstones? Peridot, Sardonyx, Spinel

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Cat? Yes. Spoil me.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Tulips.

92: A store you hate? Umm.... I don't know if I avoid any stores in particular....

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1-2. My stomach gets pretty upset.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly. Definitely. I get lost in my own mind enough.

95: Do you like to wear camo? Situationally.

96: Winter or summer? Winter 100%. Hate the heat. Love the snow.

97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don't know. Like 30 seconds maybe?

98: Least favorite person? They who will not be named. It gives them too much attention.

99: Someone you look up to: I used to look up to my mom a lot. Now I'm more-so my own person, I just do what I can to do right by me and my hubby.

100: A store you love? Uhm.. Any cheap store... I don't really have a favorite. I guess amazon for saving me gas?

101: Favorite type of shoes Skechers.

102: Where do you live? California.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nah. I love ham too much.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Cubic Zirconia actually. It's so undervalued but so pretty.

105: Do you drink milk? Used to. Not really much any more.

106: Do you like bugs? Sometimes. But not in the house.

107: Do you like spiders? Sure, they get rid of the bad bugs.

108: Something you get paranoid about? Being followed. Bugs crawling on me.

109: Can you draw: Used to be able to. Not any more.

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don't know, I usually tell people anything they ask lol.

111: A question you hate being asked? Any question I had previously already answered, and they just weren't paying attention. Anything related to me/my own working/schooling.

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I can remember.

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yeah, it's really relaxing.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy, 100%

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I would like to cuddle Momma right now.. Why you gotta go and make a girl sad for survey thing? (My calico that passed away last year..)

116: Favorite cloud type: Cumulus, Cumulonimbus, and Nimbostratus. Yes I googled them for their names.

117: What color do you wish the sky was? I honestly love the colors the sky is/can be, especially at sunrise and sunset.

118: Do you have freckles? Yes, but you can only see them when I have a tan. So to anyone who hasn't seen me since I was 10, you'd never know I had them.

119: Favorite thing about a person: How they treat people. If they're kind to animals. Eyes. Definitely eyes.

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits @_@

121: Something you want to do right now: Play Zelda - BoTW on Hard - but... I'm lazy.

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean. But they look best together.

123: Sweet or sour foods? Candies or actual food? Food, sweet. Candies, sour.

124: Bright or dim lights? Dim as you can go without causing me to have seizures over tiny little things.

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? I wish. Dragons would rock my world.

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: Yahoo owning it.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: The freedom it USED to have.

128: What do you think about the least? I dunno, I think about it the least... so it won't naturally come to me.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Carpe Diem ....heheheh.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Why would I name them? Again with the attention thing.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My Epilepsy. It's shown me who really gives a fuck about me, but also it's taken a lot from me.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No, I hate my teeth.

133: Computer or TV? Computer, it offers more.

134: Do you like roller coasters? Never been on one, definitely want to try.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Sometimes motion sickness, never got seasick tho.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attatched.

137: Do you believe in karma? I like to believe in Karma, but I really feel like people don't get their just desserts :(

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Crys, Crysti, Cryssi, Crysii, Ludacryst, Toxie, Punky, there's probably more but effort.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I am unsure.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes. More than one therapist.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Yes.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving.

144: What makes you angry? Lots of little things. Dumb things. Mostly the way medical/doctors are here... Our president... a lot of things really.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? I can barely manage English, you want me to learn more?!

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I kinda answered this earlier.

147: Are you androgynous? No.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My eye color.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: I'm more willing to let people go if they make my life worse. I used to be terrible at that.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. My Mom, Scooter, Matt Mercer.. (shh)

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? ANY ERA WITH KNIGHTS AND KINGDOMS AND WEEEEEEE............ (I like a lot of oldie based shows.)

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Eh.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] MapleStory. Not even remotely kidding.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Yes. I'm a very touchy person if I trust the person. I prefer hugs on most though. Forehead is pretty sentimental to me.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Sometimes, yeah.

156: What embarrasses you? My teeth, my weight, a lot of things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: People. Crowds. Planes. Heights. New Doctors.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: If it's the biggest lie I've ever told, do you think I'm going to out myself on social media?

159: How many people are you following? Fuck if I know... I'm too lazy to check.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

163: Last time you cried and why: It's been over a lot of things. My health, my families health, my cat, hurting myself, etc.

164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium?

165: Longest your hair has ever been: Just below my shoulders.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? Neutral mostly, because you can't prove or disprove a god exists. Just because you haven't seen something does that mean it's not there? Also, just because you believe in something, does it mean that it exists really? I'm agnostic. Though Wicca seems like a more reasonable religion in most aspects (I've dabbled in research, I hope that doesn't offend anyone.)

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. I just care if it's gonna blow up before I die.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Like? Not usually, it just helps me feel a little better sometimes.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Nope.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? As much as I could.

#survey says #survey

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ryewi · 6 years

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Ain’t No Time - kdh

Summary: Donghan is a competitive person, ready to pull out a veni,vidi,vici whenever he has a chance to, but so are you. As the media announced the annual dancing competition between k-pop idols with their significant others, both of you were excited to begin practicing and be in it to win it.

Pairing: Idol!Donghan x Reader (y’all not an idol in this one, sorry)

Genre: fluff i guess?

Words: 2,4k

Warnings: Kim Donghan, that’s it, that’s the warning

AN: This is based off of a dream I had 2 nights ago that served as a casual reminder to not watch Donghan videos after 3am

For what felt like thousandth time, you shot hand guns towards the mirror, attempting to feel the outfit you were wearing. It was interesting, how mismatched colors or weird pairings didn't matter as long as they felt comfortable. Many would argue that the main priority is to feel snuggly, but is it really when you literally pair up a green top with red sweatpants?

This time though, the colors matched perfectly, probably because both the top and sweatpants were black. Yet, even if they didn’t fit well together as an outfit, you felt amazing; hips swaying left and right, then proceeding to smile at how silly you acted when you were alone sometimes.

A silent beep shook the daze off, the screen of your phone lighting up, a small message notification popping up not long after. The wallpaper shone brightly, showing off a beautiful selfie your boyfriend took two months ago. If his picture wasn't enough to make you smile, the message sure was.

From ♡ Moon 'n Stars ♡ - 13s ago

If my respectful girlfriend is ready, I'd please her beautiful face to come over to the studio

Putting a hand over your mouth to stifle the sudden wave of uncontrollable laughter, you texted back a cute heart emoji. Standing up suddenly, your vision blurred for a moment, as if your body screamed "yo, what happened, calm down woman". Regaining balance on previously wiggly legs and shaky eyesight, you grabbed a bulky backpack resting on a king-sized bed. Your eyes caught on to a sparkly award placed on a shelf next to the bedside table. It was from a music show on which your boyfriend, Donghan, got his first win. Just looking at the award still sent chills of excitement and proudness through your body.

Inside of the bag, you never carried much stuff, although the carriage itself was slightly too much. Usually, a bottle of water, a towel, shower gel and spare t-shirt were the only things inside along with phone and keys. With more than sixty percent left free, the bag sometimes looked funny to you.

Outside, it was pretty chilly for the customarily burning August, with 23 degrees Celsius (73,4F), you felt better and ready to start dancing. Donghan was supposed to teach you a choreography to his song, called 'Ain't No Time' today. Reasoning behind that activity, was that there was a competition between k-pop idols and their significant others in dancing. Each official couple was supposed to learn one of idols’ choreographies and perform it together.

Exactly because of that, the k-pop community faced a huge wave of couples announcing their relationships. Fans were attacked from every angle by never ending reports, causing even more drama as they fought which couple is the OTP. Fortunately, you weren't one of the newly declared relationships. Donghan's company freely revealed it around a month after you two started dating, taking time to check if it wasn't a short-timed fling only. What made the relationship even more interesting was, you weren't an idol, just a girl he met on a bus ride home. The two of you began conversating casually about a passenger who caused drama two stops ago and exchanged numbers after enjoying each other’s company so much.

His fans were amazing. When the relationship was revealed, your instagram was leaked just as quick as a snap of one's fingers, but instead of hate comments, what you got was pretty different.

Take care of our Donghanie well!

Thank you for making our baby happy!

What a stunning girl, our boy sure is lucky!

All of those comments people left made you feel happy. You weren't sure what was to expect, but this definitely wasn't a first thought that crosses one's mind. Fans were quick to make edits, although they weren't left hanging with just their imagination for long. Donghan made sure to post a selfie with you just two days later.

Occasionally, your phone would buzz with notifications of them trying to contact you through dms and although you didn't have time to reply with a big paragraph to every single one, you tried to be as pleasant as possible. In the end, they were a powerful force you didn't want to awaken in a wrong way and neither was there a need to do so.

When you finally reached the dance studio, ten minutes later than expected, you made no effort to be undercover when entering. There were many employees swiftly changing their routes and mumbling quiet excuses whenever they bumped into each other. It made you giggle when Kyungjae, a dancer employed two years ago, entered the female's bathroom on accident, scared women screaming in unison back at him.

"Kyungjae!" You screamed, making him jump and nearly drop the drink he carried in his right hand. On the sight of such a cheerful creature, Kyungjae smiled, advancing towards you in long strides. Jae was a lanky person, with doe like eyes, pointy nose and plush lips, shy at first but extremely talkative afterwards. Whenever a company dinner was held and your dear boyfriend tagged you along, Kyungjae would be the main attraction of the night. Jokes, swearing, dissing the politician system, whatever there was to think of, he had his mouth already opened to talk about.

"Hey! I heard you were coming, how are you?" He replied, arm now thrown around your shoulders comfortably. It was okay, both of you were very comfortable around each other; he was most probably your favorite employee here too.

"I'm great, thanks for asking, how are you doing today, my kind Sir?" Your voice was serious, but the slight twitch upwards of your mouth gave away the soon to splash wave of giggles. Kyungjae himself was near the shore too, lips extending into a thin line to suppress his incoming laughter. Replying with only thumbs up and an enthusiastic nod, he pushed you towards the entrance door which had a big "DANCE PRACTICE ROOM" written on them. Many cheerful voices broke through the barrier of closed door and made you smile as Donghan began to shush down his dancers.

"Let's all be serious now, my girlfriend must be near and we have to be professional" From reasons unknown, his face just appeared in front of you while he said that. Nose slightly scrunched and point finger up in the air, trying to indicate a serious point while attempting not to laugh at his sudden change of demeanor.

Suddenly, as if on que, you forcefully but playfully opened the door, arms opened as you ran towards Donghan's tall figure. He didn't have much time to react before caring arms wrapped around his waist tight, trying to express the fondness you felt throughout this simple, yet meaningful action. Donghan turned around in the little cage, wrapping his own hands around you too, receiving at least a thousand awws from around the room.

To say that your face was now shining with happiness would be an extreme understatement. Every single emotion Donghan awakened was now present on your face, showing just how much love there was for him to take from you. He was also smiling, cheeks rising to impossible heights, cupping your face and leaning down to kiss your forehead. He wasn't someone who's content with a lot of PDA, satisfying himself with just holding hands most of the time. Yet, when your feet make a first step into the shared apartment, Donghan's hands would be all over you; not in a sexual way, just in a rather innocent and comfortable manner, as if your waist and cheeks were the only place his hands knew about.

"Well look who blessed us with their presence" Donghan joked, caressing your right cheek for a second too long. Noticing that indeed, there are way too many people watching right now, he turned around and clapped twice, indicating that the practice can start. You both made an agreement that he'll show the whole piece first, just to get a good in-detail look of what you'll be learning.

Hurry up to my side, give me a hug

Whenever your boyfriend danced to this song in particular, you were in a trance. Sunset was a song you enjoyed too, easily getting down to the beat every time it was played, but Ain't No Time was your most favorite ever. Donghan's body moved so smoothly, hands travelling flawlessly over his neck, arms, thighs as if they were touching pure silk. He danced with so much emotion. It might be because you were so close whenever he performed, but it's as if whatever he felt at that moment, came out through dancing. Whether it was frustration, sadness, excitement and happiness, his moves and aura changed each time, creating a unique and special experience. Often you wanted to ask was he controlling his emotions or were the emotions controlling him while performing.

Even though your eyes left his numerous of times to focus on a certain part of his body, trying to remember pieces of choreography, his never left yours. They were locked on to your moving irises, displaying an unexplainable amount of fondness towards his one and only.

For the time you two have been dating, Donghan never felt his emotions change, especially when your angelic face was the first thing his eyes focused on in the morning. When you were his first good morning and smile of the day. He loved you to the point where his heart ached.

When his dance neared the end, you anticipated the hand heart he throws when I love you line finishes. Instead of doing just that, Donghan walked over in a few long strides, grabbed your waist and kissed you. The sound of obnoxiously loud clapping indicated an end to the performance, dancers present in the room already ready to help you with learning.

“The choreography will be the same, but you’ll be mirroring my moves” Donghan spoke up, ruining the balance and resulting in confusion overtaking your body. Mirrored moves? Seeing uncertainty painting your soft features, he moved to stand right next to you and explain what he meant.

“I move my right hand, you move your right” His hand moved flawlessly through the air, motion looking like a swift wave on calm water. You mirrored his actions, succeeding to time it perfectly the first time. But why?

“We will be turned back to back for our performance” Donghan continued to explained and you suddenly felt panic rise up to fasten your heartbeat. You weren’t going to see each other during the performance, that’s too risky. He noticed the way you slightly bit the inside of your cheek, an obvious action that gave away the current emotions of his girlfriend.

“We will introduce it as a ‘trust performance’,” it was only respectful to let him finish his introduction and clarification even though there were so many questions to be asked, “basically a dance in which we have to trust our partner to offer just as good of a performance as we do”. You weren’t so comfortable with the idea, in the end you really could miss the beginning beat start a second before him, you could accidentally push him or back up a moment too early. So many ways that it could go wrong...

But at the same time, you were extremely excited. If the plan went well, performing such an interesting and unique show could probably bring a lot to favor. Donghan and you often did covers and each time the timing of both was marvelous. Not even milliseconds early or late, just on time, for three or four minutes in which his camera managed to capture the hard and amazing teamwork of you two.

You could and you will do this.

“Let’s start then!”

2pm is when you walked in through the door of the studio, it was currently 8 and you were on your knees, head in hands, frustrating puffs of air leaving your lips. The next try would be 36th attempt of the same move and you were pretty sure It'll be the same as previous. Backup dancers have already began clearing up, going home to their respective families and you wished you could too, yet there was just so much more to do.

Pushing exasperation and fatigue away, you stood up, approaching the huge mirror that took a whole wall of space. Turning on the music and getting into position, you began dancing, eyes fixed on to your figure that magnificently swayed to each beat and break. Donghan looked at you from behind, eyes hooded and arms relaxed on his sides, already too tired of trying to convince a stubborn child to go home. Each time he pleased you, reasoning and sweet talking, you brushed it off, saying that it’s a must to master this. The only problem is, it wasn’t possible. Even your mind was weary, already forgetting pieces of movement you thought was settled and learned.

Donghan was tired of seeing you beat yourself over, hands slapping the ground, palm outstretched on the smooth parquet floor, nails dragging over it lightly. You can’t and won’t give up.

“Darling, please,” Donghan cooed, approaching the tired figure in front and caressing tired shoulders with his tender fingers. Your body visibly relaxed on his calm touch, muscles pacifying from previously felt tension. Everything suddenly felt better, black cloth lifted from the cage, when Donghan’s arms wrapped around your figure from behind. “We can change the choreography if you’d like”

“No!” You replied, furiously shaking your head no, while holding tight onto the two hands that provided warmth. “No, I’ll learn it, I’m just...just tired”.

“I believe, my sunshine, we will be back tomorrow okay? We will work on this together, we have plenty of time” He picked your hand in his, fingers caressing the top of it in a comforting matter. Donghan was just as tired as you were, if not more, but he used the remaining bits of energy to offer comfort to the most important being in his life.

“Let’s go home, hm? Let’s rest?” He tried again, although skeptical because of the replies he got the past hundred times that exact question was asked. You turned back to look at your boyfriend, squealing after noticing that his head already rested on your shoulder. Nodding and letting him help while sitting up, both of you finally made it to the changing rooms and out of the building.

That night, Donghan had to use his power of light repetitive kisses and hugs to lure you to bed and stop from practicing in front of the big bedroom mirror.

AN: This could and actually most probably will have a 2nd chapter but like you didn’t hear that from me

#donghan #kim donghan #jbj donghan #donghan fluff #donghan fanfiction #donghan scenario #jbj #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenario #idk what to tag this as #like i have no idea what to do with tags anymore help #ill throw his last name in too #kim donghan fluff #kim donghan scenario #kim donghan fanfiction

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nemirutami · 6 years

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I'm a huge fan of your work, and seeing that piece for hackers memory reminded me I still need to play that game. I had a lot of fun with cyber sleuth but I was worried there wouldn't be enough new content to keep me interested. How would you rate hackers memory compared to cyber sleuth?

Thank you for the kind words!

Alright, full disclosure, I have a lot of opinions, so I apologize in advance.

I did not enjoy cybersleuth past chapter 10 when Nokia [insert spoiler here] and ever since then, I always felt like we (as protagonist) were secondary to the plot. Which would have been fine, had Nokia gotten fucking development within cybersleuth to take over as protagonist instead of us. On top of getting no development to [insert spoiler], she’s extremely irritating, which didn’t make me like the fact she was considered more important to the plot at all. She even talks to you as if you’re her sidekick and let me tell you, this shit can be cute because DRV3 managed to do it in a way where the character (Kaito) is earnestly trying to help the protagonist (Shuichi) develop past his anxiety and fears. But that’s not what they did here. It didn’t work. It just felt like Nokia was putting us down, regardless of how “uppity” and “positive” she was trying to phrase it. Sidenote: I also absolutely detested how she treated Agumon and Gabumon so lmao when chapter 10 dropped I had no fucking idea WHY because imo they should’ve hated her.

We never SAW how she got into the position she got in (Ch10). It felt absolutely hamfisted and undeserved. Kind of like a “oh yeah, it’d be cool if this happened now” shit. Then, to top it all off, the protag magically breaks the rules Suedou sets before them, basically slamming a middle finger at the screen saying “you thought this would make sense? no, we need to hamfist a happy ending sort of kind of maybe, it’s all very unclear WE DONT KNOW”. Honest, I completed all quests and side quests, got max hacker rank, entire field guide, I did everything to cover every last bit of the game, and I’m still sour on the turnout and the payoff because the game so clearly didn’t give a fuck about its own rules since it constantly broke them and failed to foreshadow Kuremi entirely. I enjoyed a bunch of the sidequests more than the main plot of the game, and to be fair, I believe I also remember the sidequests better than the main plot and this should absolutely not be the case.

That being said.

Hackers Memory does not fuck around, and I say that in the best way possible.

It presents you as secondary in the big scheme of things at the very start, (in regards to the original cybersleuth ending, because the story takes place at the very same time events are happening in cybersleuth) but it makes you a protagonist of your own story, and this is truly where the game shines.

It really makes it all about you- as Keisuke- as an individual, from the very start to the very end. It feels more like a journey of a specific protagonist with a fixed personality, and if the original had done this instead of give us a more flat character, I think I would have enjoyed the game more. I couldn’t stop playing this game the moment I got it, and easily beat it in about 4 or 3 days because I was so invested. Hell, in Cybersleuth, I never gave a fuck to collect all medals, and I decided to actually do it for this game just because I adored every last aspect of it? I did gacha in this videogame for 8 hours that gave me absolutely nothing in return, this is how you know I’m serious about the quality of a game- I waste time in it doing POINTLESS SHIT and I still have fun.

I went in expecting to be secondary, but the plot absolutely knew how to shine the spotlight on this protagonist (Keisuke) flawlessly and draw out his best characteristics. Cybersleuth protag is a clean slate at best, but Keisuke has a variety of very unique responses even without giving you the option to respond. He reacts very fixed to certain events, giving you a general feel of what he’s actually like, which is different from the signature way Cybersleuth Protag simply cocks their head a little or does the “:o” face when someone says something surprising. Keisuke has a lot more expressions, and you can easily tell what the characters are feeling (once you get to know them) just by their expressions alone. There’s a scene at the very start of Hacker’s memory where Yu (Protag’s best friend) and Keisuke share 4 silent “...” dialogue boxes with only a small variety in expression.

At my first playthrough, I had NO CLUE what this meant. I assumed it was all an awkward silence (since it’s quite literally at the start of the game) but after knowing exactly every little aspect of their personalities- that entire scene bears a different meaning. I could TELL what both of them wanted to say, and what they wanted to convey without actually having to use words. That might be because what facinated me most about Hacker’s memory was exactly Yu and Keisuke’s friendship. What’s great here though isn’t just the fact that this happens with Keisuke and Yu. It happens with every character. I replayed, noticing the quirks early on, and knowing the backstory- was aware of why they were acting the way they were. I knew of the secrets, I knew of the motivations, and honestly, I think Hacker’s memory only gets better a clean run right after you beat it. Yes I... I’m being serious. I replayed it the very second I completed it. This might also tell you something of how invested I am, and how big of a change this was to experience in contrast to the original cybersleuth which left me glaring at the ceiling angrily begging for the plot to make some lick of sense. And unlike cybersleuth, the plot here, is quite honestly, really good. Despite the stakes not being as high, and ultimately won’t matter in the end (because cybersleuth end)- you... FEEL like it matters more. Just because of how intimately you’ve come to know the characters that’ve been with you for so long.

All the relationships are developed, focusing mainly on the team at Hudie (your new hacker team). When I say the relationships are developed, I mean, quite literally, every important character has some role to play in the other’s life. Ryuji: the leader, a mentor to Keisuke, who later becomes a follower of Keisuke’s- outlining a good start and end for their dynamic as leader becomes follower and the student becomes the master. Chitose: Aloof and carefree, never quite speaks up against Ryuji despite the shit he knows Ryuji is causing, but becomes more mature and manages to put Ryuji in his place after he loses control. Erika: A shut-in with a one-track mind (Ryuji’s little sister), doesn’t open up to anyone, not even her brother, especially LIES to her brother to protect him (and Ryuji does the same to Erika, outlining the fact they’re both trying to protect each other but simultaneously hurting each other in the process without knowing) but she learns to rely on Keisuke (Chitose and Ryuji are childhood friends, so naturally, she can’t tell CHITOSE her worries because he’ll get worried and relay the message to Ryuji, so Erika in a sense sees her oppertunity to open up and ACT once Keisuke joins Hudie) and opens up to HIM later more than anyone else. Chitose acts like a second big brother to Erika when Ryuji isn’t around, and he also acts like comic relief character that’s there to give Keisuke some time to relax between cases. Unlike the first game, you actually FEEL like a hacker this time around, giving you a wider variety of hacking options, including minigames (which sadly arent that fun but- hey, it’s something. The part that IS fun is the BONDS you get to rank up- THEY’RE LITERALLY CALLED “DATE TIME!” and they’re the ONLY reason I played so so many of those minigames).

The game isn’t dominated by women anymore (If you play as female in CS, you’ll quite LITERALLY only see Arata every couple of chapters in a sea of tits, and while this is usually an aesthetic I can get behind, I hated absolutely every goddamn female character with the only exception being Kuremi. I detested Date so much. Every time she opened her mouth I wanted to mute the TV. I absolutely LOATHED Nokia for everything and anything she did. I couldn’t stand Fei because of how aggressive she was (even if Fei and Yuuko was something I definitely would have shipped had Fei just been toned down, and LUCKILY- I absolutely love Fei now, but that’s ALL thanks to Hacker’s Memory- I actually like NOKIA now too- which is all thanks to Hacker’s Memory as well). I liked Yuuko bc she hit all my right notes, until she proved to be a tsundere in disguise (she also manipulated us and admitted to it so I quickly said FUCK NO to that and she dropped on my list) but even she managed to get better treatment in Hacker’s memory. I hated Jimiken too, to be honest. I disliked a LOT of characters in cybersleuth, but once they appeared in Hacker’s memory I? I saw a new side of them that I didn’t before. There’s 1 particular “Hacker Memory Fragment” you pick up about Yuuko that details her visits to the hospital to check up on her brother and honestly? This shit. This one hacker’s fragment managed to give me so much better insight into her character than ALL of cybersleuth. Now that shit is admirable imo. I admire Hacker’s memory for making me LOVE every character I disliked. Date was one character I disliked thru Hacker’s Memory too, but towards the end, even she grew on me. I still don’t like majority of her dialogue, but she doesn’t seem so one-dimensional anymore. My main problem with Cybersleuth was that everyone seemed to have “THE ONE MOOD” and that was it. I loved Arata because he varied a lot, and he and the protagonist had some really, really good chemistry, but that’s about it? Compared to how I love everyone from Hacker’s Memory, I wouldn’t even consider the two games on the same level, simply because of how well the second one was executed in comparison?

I took my time with this reply, because to me, cybersleuth was average as a digimon game for me. Cybersleuth had a villain i absolutely ADORED!! But they did piss all and nothing with him. He had such an interesting goal, but when everyone gathered to stop his plans it was like. He lost all motivation for his goal? What the fuck. You don’t even get to fight him he’s just. There. He was awesome, they shoulda done more with him, and my only qualm about hackers memory is that they STILL DONT DO ENOUGH WITH HIM. He gets a bit of a backstory without WORDS really it’s all implied and shit but it explains why he acts the way he does in cybersleuth. You understand the reason behind his actions now, what got him there, and his motivations more clearly. God I wish we got more of him though. Cybersleuth for me was a 4/10 as a game and a 6 or a 5/10 as a Digimon game. I’d honestly play DW3 over Cybersleuth if I had to be perfectly honest...

Now, Hackers Memory however managed to score 10/10 for me of all the digimon games I’ve played- putting it at the... top, actually. For good reason. The characterization is consistent, every characters motivations are clear, every character has reasons to take the actions they take, and none of it seems forced or random or even undeserved. Sometimes, you’ll dislike a character the game wants you to dislike. It will lead you in to turn your expectations around and force you to think of a character in a completely new light. You’ll end up loving each and every character regardless of how shitty they act because you can understand the way they think. You can empathise and you can relate much better than you could in Cybersleuth IMO because so many characters in Cybersleuth made me think “well, Angela, if you weren’t such a BITCH maybe i’d feel sorry for you” which was a perpetual mood tbh. I felt absolutely no sympathy for a lot of the characters in Cybersleuth bc I felt like they deserved the shitstorm they got. Whereas, in Hacker’s Memory, the only character that DESERVED to be punished, actually GETS PUNISHED, and the character that does something wrong goes out of his way to REDEEM HIMSELF. Now this is some tasty characterization I tell ya.

To top it all off, because the game has to follow cybersleuth logic, I absolutely thought they were going to fuck the end.

No.

No, it was.

It was absolutely perfect.

It was emotional, it didn’t feel forced, and best of all?

It made sense.

As fucked up as the ending from cybersleuth was, in this universe, they can’t control their end because of the first game--- so this ending has to happen regardless of what they FEEL is fair. Which means, yes, the ending is unfair. But it leaves you with this... bittersweet feeling of longing- wishing they COULD have made a change. It’s a really nice metaphor for how things sometimes are out of our control, and we’re forced to deal with a fate someone else drops on us regardless of what we may feel or want to act on. We just have to make the best of it?

10/10 as a Digimon game, and 9/10 as an actual game because I do believe I am nitpicky as fuck and I rarely give 10/10′s but if I wasn’t a nitpicky fuck, this game would DEFINITELY easily be a 10/10.

If this ramble wasn’t indication enough, I really love Hacker’s Memory. You should definitely play Hacker’s Memory.

#tnt answers asks #genuinefauxthought

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clairekatswritingcorner · 6 years

Text

Uncharted Territory

Word Count: 2,175

Summary: Alexys confronts the true meaning of terror one Halloween night when she finds herself wrapped up in a situation that’s sure to put not only her life, but the lives of many others, in certain danger.

*Author’s Note*: The first of another batch of commissions for @bad-blue-moon-rising! There isn’t a lot of info out about the characters yet, so I did the best I could interpreting them, and the premise was really interesting to work with. I hope you enjoy!

It was Halloween night, a night made for costumes and candy and scares. This was one of Alexys’s favorite holidays, and she was grateful that she’d managed to get some time off to enjoy it. Emily had already sent her son out into the neighborhood with his friends, knowing he’d be spending the next few hours trick or treating to his heart’s content. This part of town was generally safe, so she didn’t have to worry much about his safety. In the meantime, she and Alexys made themselves comfortable in the living room and spent a majority of the evening catching up with the TV playing absently in the background.

Even though Emily was her older brother’s ex-wife, Alexys got along wonderfully with her. She was sure her brother resented it sometimes, but she wasn’t going to let his personal problems put a damper on any of her relationships. She was staying at Emily’s place for the duration of her vacation, relieved and a little excited that she could actually participate in the holiday this year. Well, her participation consisted of lounging on the couch and eating candy with her friend, but she thought that still counted as a Halloween-y enough option.

The hours drifted by with the distant sounds of avid trick or treaters echoing between houses. The streets were filled with the usual noises one might expect to find on a night like this, but Emily and Alexys noticed one noise standing out from the rest. It wasn’t just another squeal from an excited child or shoes scuffing on pavement, but rather something much less decipherable, and much closer than either of them would have liked.

“Do you think we should go investigate?” Alexys asked, nervously twirling a strand of her hair. “I mean, it could just sound like it’s coming from somewhere nearby—”

“I’d rather be safe than sorry,” Emily replied, rising from the couch and turning her head as she tried to pinpoint where the mysterious noise was coming from. They both focused their attention on the muted sound of rustling that seemed to be coming from inside the house. A few minutes later, a loud crash drowned it out, almost startling the women out of their skin. Their eyes snapped to where they thought they’d heard it come from, both deliberating what their next best course of action should be. Emily tensed up and steeled herself for some kind of confrontation; if it came down to it, she was prepared to fight. Alexys could be useful in a scuffle, but she was really hoping things would turn out to be more peaceful than they seemed.

Emily narrowed her eyes in the direction of the noise. “It’s coming from the basement.”

“Are you sure?” Alexys asked with a slight quiver in her voice.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Emily answered, her tone grave.

Alexys shook her head, standing up as her limbs started to tremble. “Hey, maybe it’s just some kind of prank or something? It is Halloween, after all. I’m sure we’re just hearing things, I don’t think there’s any reason to—”

“And if it is something dangerous, I don’t want to wait for it to come get us.”

Alexys knew her friend was right, but that didn’t stop a chill of terror from sinking into her bones. This was supposed to be a relaxing night, just another fun part of her vacation…why did something like this have to happen now? No, she was getting too worked up like she always did; everything was going to be fine, it had to be.

Surely it would just turn out to be an appliance malfunction or a squirrel that’d snuck in through a vent, some innocuous and comical thing that she and Emily would be able to laugh about later. It would certainly make for an entertaining Halloween story, and Alexys did her best to remind herself that the source of the noise was much more likely to turn out to be something harmless rather than threatening. She took a few deep breaths and wrung her hands out of reflex, following Emily to the basement’s entrance after the blonde snagged a pillow she could employ as a makeshift shield if necessary.

It’s going to be fine, things are going to be fine. Alexys repeated in her head, trying to pay more attention to her self-soothing words than the noise that only grew louder the closer they came to it. The women made it to the bottom of the stairs and Emily surveyed the room first, trying to decide whether she should turn the light on or not. What looked to be the outline of a cell phone light was waving towards the back of the room as if it was looking for something. So, there was an intruder, and the reason for their break in had yet to be determined. Well, she was just going to have to take her chances with the light if she wanted to have any kind of advantage going into this fight.

She flipped it on and thrust the pillow out in front of her for some preemptive defense. The stranger let out a shriek as the room was flooded with light, one that Alexys parroted back out of reflex. She took shelter behind Emily as her adrenaline spiked and her vision started blurring, a bit surprised when she heard nothing more than the sound of a frustrated sigh hit her ears. Emily wasn’t panicking, or attacking, or even reacting much at all from what Alexys could tell. As her senses returned to her she took a chance and peeked around her friend’s arm, standing up straight and stepping around her as soon as her eyes fell upon the intruder.

“Quinn?!” He certainly was the last person she’d expected to find rummaging around in Emily’s basement, especially in such a suspicious and sneaky fashion. “What are you doing here? Why did you sneak in, what were you thinking?”

“No time to explain,” he answered frantically, turning back to the boxes he’d been sifting through. “Do either of you know where—?”

“No time to explain?” Emily snapped. “You sneak into this house like some dime store burglar and have the gall to say there’s no time to explain?”

“It’s none of your business, I’m just looking for something!” Quinn snapped back, and Alexys could already tell this exchange was going downhill fast. Silently taking her leave, she tip-toed back upstairs just as the two bickering voices really started heating up.

So much for a peaceful evening. She lamented as she turned to go back to the living room. But apparently, her worries weren’t going to be settled that easily. Outside of her brother’s senseless and risky stunt, she could hear a handful of unfamiliar voices floating towards her from down the hall. More intruders? They had to be, since neither she nor Emily had let anyone in. What kind of Halloween curse was this, making everything fall apart all at once? With Quinn acting like a madman and now real strangers breaking into the house…Alexys was thinking she wanted nothing more than for this night to end.

She grabbed the first substantial object she could find to use as a weapon and continued carefully creeping down the hall. There were multiple voices, and they spoke in deep enough tones for her to assume they all belonged to men. She couldn’t determine exactly how many there were, but the fact that there was more than one in the first place was intimidating enough. Alexys swallowed hard and adjusted her grip on her weapon, reinforcing her resolve as much as she could before storming the room.

“What the hell are you people doing here?” All of her energy went into displaying her weapon and strengthening her voice. “What’s going on, how did you get in here? I’m calling the cops!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold your horses.” It was Quinn again; she hadn’t expected to hear him return so soon, but it seemed he’d settled his argument with Emily well enough that he could slip away. Said blonde was hot on his heels and just as eager to hear whatever explanation he had to share about what was going on. “They’re friends, not foes! There’s no need to freak out or panic. Okay, well, there’s kind of a reason, but these guys aren’t it.”

“Finding four random strangers in the house isn’t enough to warrant panicking? Why are you acting so strange, why couldn’t you come in like a normal person?” Alexys asked incredulously, and Quinn placed a calming hand on her shoulder.

“I was hoping I could get in, find what I needed, and get out without you, Emily, or Rory being involved or even knowing I was here,” he explained before turning to address the men.

“Loonies, meet my ex-wife, Emily, and my little sister, Alexys,” he introduced oh so succinctly, and Emily and Alexys exchanged looks of confusion as he continued. “Em, Sis, meet the loonies.”

“Is that supposed to be a term of endearment?” Emily scoffed as she crossed her arms, and Quinn ignored her comment as he stepped across the room to elaborate on his introduction.

“More specifically, they go by Williams, Coyle, Baxley, and Lynch.” He gestured to each man before switching to the subject everyone really wanted to know about.

This Halloween was going to be a real one in every sense of the word. Apparently, Quinn had sent a package filled with alien tech to the house in order to keep it safe. He hadn’t told anyone about it because…well, he didn’t really know how to bring it up, and he hadn’t thought it would get messed with if it was stashed away in the basement. He’d stopped by at an earlier time and let himself in to take care of it, keen on keeping anyone else from even knowing it existed.

It seemed like a foolproof idea at the time, but somewhere down the line Rory had gotten into said package and utilized some of its parts to put together the ideal Halloween costume. Emily hadn’t asked too many questions, assuming they were all just parts that came with the suit she’d purchased for him at the time. As cool as it may have seemed, now his life and the lives of many more were in jeopardy of getting tangled up in some sort of alien hunting spree. The men standing in the living room all had sufficient training from their military backgrounds that made them eligible to combat the threat, and had been brought together to form a team, including Quinn.

It was a lot to take in, and Alexys couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed. Following Quinn’s hasty debriefing a bit of arguing ensued, some back and forth concerning what needed to be done next, and who was going to be involved, and how. He managed to convince Emily to stay home, promising her that he would take care of both the threat and their son. Alexys, on the other hand, wouldn’t go down without a fight. She knew she could be of some use to the team; she was decent enough with a bow, and she also knew she wouldn’t be able to handle just sitting around doing nothing while her brother risked his life against some extraterrestrial threat.

Two vehicles were waiting outside for the team, an RV and a less conspicuous car. Alexys managed to talk her way onto the RV with Quinn’s team while he took refuge in the car with one of the scientists that’d been roped into the project. It certainly wasn’t the way she’d expected the night to turn out, but there was something else that put some unexpected weight on her mind. One of Quinn’s team members, the man known as Baxley, had caught her attention in a way none of the others had.

He seemed a bit reserved and had some noticeable quirks, both physical and verbal, which she soon learned were a result of a disorder he’d had since he was young. Despite that, there was something about him that warmed her heart, a look in his eye that intrigued and charmed her. They’d barely spoken to one another, but Alexys could already feel something forming between them.

“Is this seat taken?” he asked oh so smoothly as he moved to sit beside her once she was situated in her spot on the RV. There was something about his demeanor that told her he was trying to reassure her, which only made her more grateful to have him there.

“Oh, uh, of course not,” she replied politely, although she could feel her anxiety starting to wind up again. They were entering dangerous and uncharted territory, and she wasn’t sure how things could possibly turn out alright. But as Baxley slid into the space next to her, giving her a warm and comforting smile, she thought that maybe as long as he was around, everything would be okay.

#self insert #selfinsert #self ship #selfship #oc x canon #self insert fic #self insert fanfiction #selfship fic #selfship fanfiction #my writing #claire writes #one shot #bad-blue-moon-rising #commission

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robotsites634 · 3 years

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Trans Men Dating App

Facebook Dating doesn’t have built-in video chat, but Facebook users can use Messenger or Tuned, an experimental app made for quarantined couples. Open the Door Hinge is a dating app that’s. Transgender Dating App for Trans Women and Men. General Online Dating Chat Apps Lifestyle. Add to Wishlist. TSDate is the transgender dating app for meeting trans, transsexual.

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How can trans people best navigate the modern dating world? Finding love as a queer person is hard enough, throw gender identity on top of that and dating might seem impossible. The internet can be a refuge for finding community, but finding a dating community isn’t always the easiest or safest for trans people.

Most of my friends and I use dating apps to meet people, hook up, and date. There are many dating websites and apps that state that they are “LGBTQ friendly” but for the most part dating sites are more LGBQ friendly than trans friendly. I have read countless articles, internet comments, and profile messages from people who say, “I would never date a trans person.” In fact, only 16 to 18% of Americans say they would be willing to date someone who is transgender. Hearing about people being afraid of or not open to dating a trans person is just one reason why it is so hard to date as a trans person. And even though I have heard it many times before, it is still hard to confront.

I looked at eight popular dating sites to see which are the most gender inclusive. Most stick to the gender binary, forcing people to state that they are either male or female, with no other options. Some sites are more inclusive for cisgender gay or lesbian folks than bi+ folks, as they only list interested in only male or only female, without the option for selecting both. Some have a variety of sexualities to choose from, and some have a combination of options for gender and sexuality. I've found that OkCupid and Tinder are the most inclusive, having many options for sexualities and gender, especially transgender woman, man, non-binary and gender fluid.

Even once we have been able to select the appropriate identities for yourself and the people you are interested, many trans people still might feel obligated to disclose that they are transgender explicitly in their profiles or early in the conversation. But it often seems like the second you tell someone in the dating world that you are trans, their entire view of you changes. Sometimes, if you don’t come out to someone, they can make you feel like you lied by not disclosing. But if we tell the person on the other end that we are trans, the person may end the conversation in a huff. Either that, or they will fetichize our trans identity, saying something like ‘that’s hot,’ or ‘I’m usually not into trans people but I might like you.’ To be honest, all of those options make me want to run away.

Some trans folks might disclose that they are trans early in the conversation with someone they are interested in dating. Those that are comfortable enough to disclose this information might do so because they don’t want to get their hopes up only for rejection or possible violence if they meet up in person. There have been many instances in which I’ve neglected to disclose my gender identity until I was deep in conversation in someone, which made the person end the conversation and/ or say rude things. Sometimes I disclose my gender identity pretty early in the conversation and they stop messaging me immediately. Although disclosing trans identity in the beginning of a conversation early in the messaging process can be hard because people cut off contact, it’s safer in the long run.

Personally, I know that I am not ready to date yet. I am still in the middle of my coming out process and am focused on myself more than dating someone else. When I see a trans person that is dating and happy I get excited for them and for myself because I know how hard it is to find someone and feel comfortable. I also remember how lonely the single life can be when you are figuring out who you are and living through another heart-filled Valentine’s Day. Sometimes I wish I could have a relationship like the ones I see.

On the other hand, casual relationships are boring after a while. I would rather share all the good things in life with someone while moving around. The reason is I get bored living in a city/country for more than 3 years. Help Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit gifts. There are a lot of kinds of platonic and non-platonic relationships and many of them are poorly defined. When I think 'casual relationship' I think of a feel-it-out kind of relationship or a placeholder relationship or a relationship that is meant to end given certain circumstances like one partner needing to move away. A casual relationship can mirror a real relationship. And usually after a couple months one of the two of you (in my case, its always her) want to take it to a real relationship. I've found the key to keeping it casual is to make sure you have some kind of sex 9/10 times y'all hang out. Reddit casual relationship. A casual relationship is what it's going to be. It's not 'building' to anything, or 'going somewhere', what you see is what you get. It's like a formal relationship but without the tuxedos. Just going about your daily lives and getting together every once in a while for some fun or a hookup. Rule #1 of casual dating is don’t catch feelings. It sounds like you expect a casual relationship to lead to something but it probably won’t. In my experience casual relationship are for ppl that just want something to feel the void.

All trans people are worthy of love and affection. Dating services city near saint joseph. Hopefully we as a society will begin to see that trans people deserve love, just like anyone else. An important thing to remember though, is that patience is a virtue. Finding someone takes time and effort. And when I found someone who loves me for exactly who I am, as a trans person, I’ll know all the waiting has been worth it.

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Press republican plattsburgh new york. Riley McGrath is a Campus Ambassador and a sophomore at Bridgewater State University studying psychology. He runs a trans ally project on Facebook and Instagram that strives to put out trans and LGBT inclusive content. Riley hopes to be an LGBT counselor as well as a mental health counselor in the future.

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lazyfartbouquet-blog · 6 years

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Read It For The Pictures 24: Dry Country by Rich Tomasso

NK: Welcome to Read It for the Pictures, the comic book Blog where we read it for the pictures! I’m Neil Kapit, and with me as always is the man who taught me how to properly eat a meat pie, Dave Clarke! How you doin’ Dave?

DC: Doing good Neil, enjoying a bright sunny early March day, riding my kangaroo around town, eating a vegemite sandwich, fosters, shrimp on the barbie, etc.

NK: So this week we're taking a break from DC's air quotes "new" hero line and doing something you picked, want to give some background on this?

DC: Yes, this time it was my pic and I wanted to get away from DC superheroes as much as possible so I picked Dry County #1 by Rich Tommaso. Initially just cos it was an image #1 but it seemed to be the perfect pic for what I was going for.

NK: And what you were going for was?

DC: The opposite of a DC superhero book. This is an autobiographical(??) slice of life story that seems to approach storytelling completely differently than Damage (tm) did. At least that was my read on it, how did you find the book?

NK: Let's hope we can discuss this book's merits on its own terms and not damn it with the faint praise of being a better story than the Terrifics, because I thought it was an exceptional piece of cartooning. It made me want to read other Rich Tommaso books like Spy Seal, which was described to me as "Tintin Noir".

DC: That is a very Tintin cover, but his art reminds me most of newspaper cartoons (which this protagonist of this story makes. That’s why I think it may be autobiographical not cos I did research or anything).

NK: The protagonist Lou Rossi lives in late 1980s miami, and while the time period isn't explicitly stated, the art leaves a lot of subtle cues to indicate the period. They include rotary phones, T-shirts for Nine Inch Nails and Social Distortion, and the fact that Lou is paying his bills as a newspaper cartoonist.

DC: A dip into the past where America was doing the bop and print wasn’t dead.

NK: Ahh the 1990s, a golden age when a little more than 1% of the population was contented and innocent, but I digress....

DC: One thing that’s going to limit our discussion is being unable to read this as a broad analogy of global politics. And also our limited experience with women. (Don’t act surprised folks were writing about comics on the internet).

NK: The plot is pretty simple, boy meets girl, boy wants to get with girl, girl is stuck in abusive relationship, boy keeps pursuing girl, and not sure where it goes next issue. The storytelling and page layouts really sell this as a unique work.

DC: Yeah, have you ever read ‘Understanding Comics’ by Scott McCloud?

NK: Well, duh. Everyone who hasn't should seriously read it, if only to understand the kind of image juxtaposition that is used so effectively here in Dry Country.

DC: Hehe, of course, well for our readers who haven’t in that book he outlines the different types of transitions that can exist between panels. Most superhero comics focus on action to action shots, which makes sense if you’re story is about super people punching each other. This book most does scene to scene transitions, which allow the writing to do most of the heavy lifting for conveying meaning

NK: I thought most superhero comics were now about gaudily dressed men having long maudlin talking heads sequences with the occasional two-page spread of violence. Anyway, Worth noting that Tomasso focuses on single objects a lot to reinforce the mood, like the fan in the foreground of the miserably hot apartment. Inanimate objects go a long way towards creating a sense of place and mood.

DC: Yeah, while simplified they are nicely composed panels. In a way the illustration style echos the storytelling style, there’s just enough there to convey the idea without getting bogged down in details. The same way you don’t need every sentence of his conversation with the woman (sorry I forgot her name I will try to be better) you also don’t need to get obsessive about the shadows cast from the bars in the above panel to get the feelings of the scene

NK: (Ironically, a book called Dry Country has a protagonist who's getting drunk most every time he has a moment free). Which gives everything in the book that's there in the panels a sense of deliberation and importance. And also serves to illustrate how effective those choices are, particularly with setting and character design. Within one panel of seeing, say, Lou's loudmouth friend, I got a great sense of who he was without feeling like he was a one-dimensional trope.

DC: Also there’s something to the heavy use of scene to scene transitions that makes it more personal, maybe with the sketch pad background to all the captions makes you feel the hand of the creator more. Kinda like an hourly comic. I wonder if the same technique could be used to, say, make Hal Jordan seem more like a real person or would that just be nakedly artificial.

NK: The yellow legal paper captions do help us get deeper and deeper into Lou's head, but they'd pierce right through Hal's skull because his broke-ass ring can't do shit against yellow. It’d be interesting to compare this with Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis’ Green Lantern: Secret Origin, based on that criteria. But this is a noir story, not a superhero one. A bright, mostly sunny noir story

DC: Is it a noir? Like, the packaging suggests that it’s going to have a crime thriller twist in future issues but this issue is just a slice of life story

NK: The creeping sense of fatalism, the hero's far-less-than-pure motives, and the extralegal confrontation with the abusive asshole boyfriend suggest that it's getting into that genre. Which works in its favor, because it looks no more like a crime story than an average Batman comic, except there are thousands of Batman stories and only a few Rich Tomasso stories.

DC: Yeah, this is more Harvey Pekar than Maltese Falcon, but it’s possible that the juxtaposition could work to make the comic more unique and memorable. (Please forgive my weird references, I need to make a certain number each week or my family will starve).

NK: Those are appropriate references. This is a simple, inviting art style that would fit a Harvey Pekar story, but will be extremely disarming and unsettling if it gets into Dashiell Hammet territory. The virgin Phillip Marlowe and the chad Lou Rossi, now that's an inappropriate reference.

DC: That being said, while there’s a lot of craft on display here it’s not my cup of tea. Can’t relate to people who don’t solve their problems with violence

NK: Don't you think violence will occur in future issues? Lou is sexually frustrated, borderline alcoholic, and has the perfect complete bastard to take out all his aggression on.

DC: Possibly, but it could just as easily happen off-panel and we could be treated to an, admittedly effective, few paragraphs of our protagonist talking about how it made him feel. If you’re interested in making comics this is worth seeking out cos it shows an approach to doing talk-y scenes interestingly that goes deeper than the wally woods 22 panels that always work.

NK: If you're turned off by us giving you some culture this week then you can tune back in on April 4 when we have Curse of the Brimstone by Phillip Tan and Justin Jordan from DC's New Age of Heroes.

DC: Neil thinks he can just announce this stuff in the chat without consulting me, and it works every time!

NK: Consider me Jigsaw and this your torture chamber.

#comic books #image #dry country #comics #graphic novel #read it for the pictures #neil kapit #dave clarke #spy seal #rich tommasso #art #cartooning #illustration #how to draw

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