#i even hate my self lel

[montys-mortuary]

so i had a little bit of a mental break yesterday as my depression really got to me, so I'm taking my big slasher boyfriend and self-indulging in some pampering.

enjoy <3

CONTENT WARNING: insinuated suicidal ideation, major depression, upsetting feelings

(Found in my Drafts from about 8 months ago because I hate my writing lel)

You laid yourself within the confines of the stained blankets on Jason's old bed, the smell of days of sleep reeking from them. You heard the door to the old cabin be pushed aside and the floorboards whine under the weight of another approaching the side of the place you called home for 4 days.

You had refused to bathe, eat, or even emerge from your small base. The heavy footsteps fall short and stop just beside you, and before you could react with more than a hoarse hiss from your throat, your nest was torn off from over you, and the harsh sunlight assaulted your eyes.

Standing over you was Jason, peering down at you, shoulders heaving.

"Leave me alone." You grumbled, rolling over to face your back towards him.

a small huff escaped behind the mask as he grabbed you, slugging you over his shoulder. you didn't put up much of a fight, letting your weight drape over his built form. Jason walked out of the cabin with you, making his way towards the lake. you let tears streak your face, unable to muster the energy to stand. he placed you down gently, and you looked around at the small campfire he had made. a pot hung over the flames, an intoxicating smell arising from it. you hadn't eaten in days, frankly, unable to keep anything down.

he grabbed a cracked bowl and wooden spoon from beside the fire. You watched with lazy eyes as he prepared you a bowl of food, the steam from the meal rising gently into the air. He turned to you, practically forcing you to take it. You took the warm bowl in your hands, the smell of the meal causing The hair on your arms to stand at attention, caused by the wonderful smell.

The lumbering man sat beside you, stoking the hot embers of the fire with a long stick. You silently thanked him, and used what little energy you had left to eat the entire contents of the bowl. You shivered slightly when you were finished, feeling a lot better afterwards.

“…thank you, Jason. I appreciate—“

But before you could finish your sentence, the hulking monster picks you up once more, tossing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes with ease. You tried to protest, exclaiming that you felt well enough to walk now, but he wasn’t having it. He marched towards the camps showers with you in tow, and you surrendered to him.

Inside the showers, your shivering form hasn’t gotten quite used to the coldness of the water spraying from the clanking, rusted pipes. Jason, holding himself as best he could, proceeded to wash out the dirt and oil from your hair, his slightly trembling hands soaping down your body to clean you or days of depression.

You knew Jason feared water, and when you protested to him that you could do this bit yourself to save him the trouble of interacting with the liquid, he merely shook his head, his glazed over steel blue eye gazing into your eyes for just a moment before finishing.

Wrapped up neatly in a sheet, he carried you, this time Bridal Style as opposed to a deer carcass on his shoulder, back to the cabin.

Now clean, fed, and properly dressed, the two of you made your way to the shore of the lake. You both sat there, Jason staring out into the clear waters while you picked at stray stones beside you.

You took a shaker breath, and exhaled.

“Thank you.”

Jason merely turned to you slightly, patted your head, and pulled you closer to rest your head on his bicep.

[twinclownsoflotuspiers]

Fic author interview!

Thamks @galexibrain

Anyone who wants to do this can!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

Currently 70

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

557,317

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

We Call This Fate (MDZS) [JC/WWX] - 546 kudos

2. Smile, And You're Much Cuter! (MDZS) [JC/WWX] - 445 kudos (idek why people like this so much -_- it's a fic i wrote i like the least)

3. Red (MDZS) [JC/WWX. companion work to Fate] - 389 kudos

4. and there is one price i'd cheat to win (MDZS) [JC/WWX] - 355 kudos

5. My Love Grows Gardens And Flower Crowns (MDZS) [JC/LXC] - 341 kudos (relic from my past lel)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do as much as I can! I take a while to reply though because sometimes I'm either not in the right brainspace or the comments have piled up, making me overwhelmed.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably the Jiang Cheng centric angst fic "Indecision". I rarely write unhappy endings even though I write a lot of angst. But this one's ending has absolutely no closure lol.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have a happy or hopeful ending but I guess if we go by pure fluff and everything nice with not a single shred of angst potential then Experiences [Nu: Carnival - Eiden/Edmond], aforementioned My Love Grows Gardens and Flower Crowns and finally Simple Complexities [MDZS - JC/WWX]

7. Do you write crossovers?

I wrote one series for a TGCF/MDZS crossover because I wanted Shi Qingxuan and Jiang Cheng to meet.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Outright hate, no. Weirdly worded borderline rude "constructive criticisms" and backhanded "compliments" a number of times.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write smut! As for "what kind" uhm...mostly vanilla-ish? But with some amount of dubcon though. I think my xiancheng fic "Etched" is the only one in BDSM adjacent territory and a fair amount of questionableness.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! For this fic inspired off of Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem. Pairing is JC/LXC.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Strangely enough, no.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Uhh OTP of all times is probably XianCheng by now? I always love a ship I've once loved though so all my old OTPs are honestly all-time favorites too. Some old ships in question that I still love a lot are IchiRuki (Bleach) and NezuShi (No. 6)

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Hmm.... my longest standing WIP is the BaekChen RPF "Shall We, My Dear" which I fear may not ever be updated. But I do still wanna finish it though...

15. What are your writing strengths?

ANGST, psychological whump, some more angst.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Not being able to control my wordcount and not having a consistent writing schedule lol.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'd get too insecure to do full dialogues but a few short ones here and there should be within my abilities.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

WAAAYYY back I wrote a fic on a random notepad for Nintama Rantaro when I was like 10 or something lolll. Of course I wasn't in fandoms or anything at all back then. For a "fandom" my first posted fic was a Naruto one, Gaara centric because I didn't care (mostly) for anyone else xD.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Several actually. ZhouDu from Priest's Mo Du, NezuShi (and so what if No.6 is old?), some kinda self-indulgent genshin rarepairs I wanna try very specific ideas on [few eg: KaeRosaLuc, VenLuc, EuLuc] and YuuMika from Owari no Seraph because I'd recently begun rereading the manga and Mika is once again blorbo.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written

Simple Complexities hands down. It's not my most popular but I think I hold this fic really dear because I did a great job. From my old EXO RPF fandom, the Noragami AU ChanSoo fic; even though my writing has improved loads from then, I'm still plenty proud of this one. And finally, while We Call This Fate is not my "favorite" but I worked the hardest for this so it has a lot of my love and blood, sweat and tears.

[arthotsglasses]

Admin's Little Simp Diary

So yesterday yk suffering from "post Clavis Simping" phase, I found out about AI that create illustrations from the keywords you type in. My Twitch chat was telling me all about it and I got to use it.

And that moment, I completely lost it. my existence felt so useless, worthless, because some machine now has way better art skill and speed within seconds. Ai produces things that would take me so much time and effort to make. All my hard work to learn the skills, anatomy, perspective, etc, felt so useless. As a freshman college student trying to get a job in the art industry, I've been bombarded within the past few weeks of people telling me to apply to this and that, internships, competitions, projects, sooooo much work. I couldn't do it, I didn't feel good enough, I was devastated. I didn't know how I was gonna overcome this Ai thing and get a job. There is nothing that I can do better compared to the ai. I fell into this depressing moment of questioning my existence.

Chat asked me, if I exist to draw, and at first I said yes. But the more I think about it, I don't. I exist to simp, I genuinely enjoy that feeling of loving 2D anime boys.... and drawing/art is a method of simping where I can contribute to the content and fandom for my enjoyment.

spoilers for Clavis route below lel

Then Clavis came into my mind... he was born to face Chev who is literally a god, genius, gigachad. He can't be beaten in any skillful way. So ofc I can imagine how painful that would be. But, there was something that even Chev couldn't do. To be a decent compassionate human being. The imperfections of Clavis (aka humanity) having to work so hard to reach a certain level, caring for minority, and how he would go to die for some small amount of people, it made me realize that's who we are. We can't always make best decisions for the world, create the most technically correct art to perfection (Chev). But what really matters is what I want to do. idgaf if anyone else can be more dedicated to their 2D mans than me, what matters is the love and connection I feel towards them and how it makes me happy (but that is also really hard for me because my nature is very competitive and I hate it when anyone is better than me). because that's what separates us from Ai (till the day ai gets emotions and free will to destroy us all haha) but then again, I dont care if ai can simp better than me either. Not my problem good for you gl hf.

I love Chev, I think he is such a cool guy and literally good at everything yes. But I dont want to be him. I would rather be Clavis who enjoys life, face his fears, have insecurities, compassion, and selfishness to only give a fuck about his small group of people who he loves. So I'm starting to accept my fears and lack of ability as who I am and understand that that is a beautiful thing. Because I think Clavis as a person is beautiful. The vast scale of ups and downs of emotions I feel are what makes life joyful and appreciated. Plus, I always tend to forget that I don't always have to achieve grand massive world scale goals. Like Clavis, if I am happy, loved by people who I want to be loved by, care for the people who I care, that is enough. I can work at a small game studio just enough to feed myself and some spare change to simp, and Im good. that is enough for me and I think I can manage to do that much in life (because I have crippling anxiety that I will never get a job and starve to death homeless fr).

Come to realize it now, this is the reason why I felt Clavis' route so amazing yet painful. It made me uncomfortable but I took steps to reevaluate my world views and what matters most. and at the end of the day, I'm here on earth for a bit, so might as well enjoy it to the fullest. There are qualities of Clavis that makes me love him so much, and I also happen to have some the same qualities. So, why not love myself a bit too? It's gonna be a long journey and this is only a baby step for my self love, but I have some hope. He also said if you haven't given up, if you haven't died, you haven't lost. So, I will continue to try even if I fail, I will apply to those internships, competitions even if I dont win. And one day, I hope I can find someone like how Clavis found MC because oh boy did Clavis look so happy at the end. I believe I can reach that point one day too.

Just remember, answer to everything is to simp.

[mousterian-writes]

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

🌙  What time of day do you prefer to write? Why?

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

📊 Current number of WIPs

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

I was going to say "I have readers lel" (like a dick). BUT THEN I remembered, I do have an answer for this question.

One of my test readers does not like how 'unmanly' Kel'Thuzad is and he hates how he gets "alpha'd" & is not kingly. This totally ignores the journey he is going on, among other things.

So I guess the answer is Kel'Thuzad- depressed individual with low self esteem (basically, just like ever other person who is writing this character at the moment)

🌙 What time of day do you prefer to write? Why?

Probably the evening. Its when I have time that woulnt be interrupted, so I can work without being distracted

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

I guess I'm plantser? So, I have an outline & a treatment, that is now mostly obsolite. Mostly, what I do is plan out the pov character's emotional beats that I need to hit in the chapter, list the general plot beats & the planning/play offs things I want to include.

📊 Current number of WIPs

The number of WiPs I'm activly working on is one. I do have parts written for three other stories tho.

[thetacosforsale]

Existential curiosity, dread, and constant questioning

I’m no longer on medication that gave me panic attacks, i’ve gone about 9months without a panic attack, and nearly two years without it. When i have a panic attack I freeze, I don’t move and can’t find the words to say, it even feels like my brain keeps hitting the breaks on every thought. I say things I don’t mean, and begin wanting to isolate myself immediately. I hated it. and I constantly want to change for the better.

I’m worried what it means for myself that i don’t think i need medication. I fully and wholeheartedly with every sane thought believe I don’t need medication after lengthy self reflection. I still think I am better off without it, and going on it would only make me stop my path to self improvement.

But this isn’t about that, this is about 9 months of having a happy life and having good friends, someone to cuddle at night and a clearer sense of progression and mental clarity that I haven’t had in a long time. being able to have connections with my friends. that clarity and drive to improve myself, to get up in the morning and know what I have to do, and feel fine about myself even if i don’t do it, and feel fine even if I don’t always make the larger improvements, understanding that i’ll trudge slowly through the path i want to and feel better about that slower progress.

but this isn’t about that either,, I have a new problem that I don’t want to have to stop my life for, in short I’m having constant existential thoughts, i’m questioning everything around me and my brain feels a little off most days in the sense of an actual pressure from all the damn thinking feels like a pressure in my head. I’m questioning what it means to have conversations, build relationships, what it means to enjoy yourself, how other people think, how thoughts and feelings can never truly be expressed but there’s a need for understanding all the same. Don’t get me wrong i’m trying my best to enjoy myself, my summer, and love my family. I trust everyone in my life to love and be loved. but these thoughts i had in freakin highschool that never really disappeared are suddenly hitting me full force and it’s getting annoying. like just let me enjoy something without picking it apart of every damn thing. I think about how shaped we are from our childhood and our development that it scares me how unchangeable we are, but I know that already, I just feel like these thoughts are an underlying cause of me feeling confused with where to direct myself.

and these thoughts aren’t necessarily bad to have and they aren’t the real problem, the real problem is that they are making me feel so disconnected with everything. I can feel myself distancing mentally. and i’m not sure where to turn to. but writing this stuff down has helped me a little. even if it’s not everything i can’t communicate.

I am okay, and i say this all with that same emotion. lel

[the-sapphire-zanpakuto]

So me and my older brother started watching Hunter X Hunter last night.

I'm going to get so much judgement

May I ask why I'm sorta kinda maybe attracted to Hisoka

[rainandhotchocolate]

Rejection

A/N Hey! Sorry I know I’ve been AWOL for a week, cause I was finishing up a freelance project but here’s a stupidly long fic for you all! It’s 7k, it was meant to be a oneshot but I just kept writing and well here we are lel

TO the requester, sorry this is more fluffy than angsty... I just really wanted some idiotic Sirius trash OOPs - feel free to send me another message if you want me to write something more angsty!!

Request:  If you take requests, can I request an angsty imagine/fic with sirius where the reader confesses her love for him, but he rejects her and is basically really mean to her? It can have a happy ending or an angsty ending😂

Length: 7k

TW: Mentions of injuries, Sirius being mean/an idiot

Rejection

It was like a large, human shaped slap in the face, that had annoyingly soft black curls that trailed over his face. Sirius Black seemed to tower over the bar, eyes looking expectantly at her as he asked again for a whiskey and coke, in a short glass.

“Uh… hello?”

“Yeah, sorry, phased out for a second there,” Y/N pulled out her best hospitality smile and poured out his drink carefully, doing her best to avoid his curious stare.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” He cocked his head to the side, continuing to stare as she busied herself with putting through his cash and finding him change.

“Oh shit, we went to school together!” He said finally, as she attempted to find another customer, groaning internally when she realised it was a Tuesday afternoon and the bar was empty. She finally looked up at him, smiling again, hoping he didn’t see the clenched fists under the bar.

Y/N couldn’t tell if she was happier or insulted that he didn’t remember her. Unfortunately, she hadn’t forgotten him, the feeling of complete and utter embarrassment rushing through every inch of her.

Y/N had had a crush on Sirius for a lifetime, ever since she saw him cheering on James at the Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw match, streamers stuck to almost every part of him, and mostly naked. Not that Sirius would have ever noticed a small mousy Ravenclaw girl who was usually in the library or reading next to the black lake.

She’d tried to get over him, but it was like every time he did something stupid it seemed to make her want him more. When he jumped on the back of James’ broom after the end of a spectacular win against Slytherin she had this lurch of wanting to jump on the back with him.

Then it was seventh year, when the paper every morning brought either another disappearance or suspicious death, and Hogwarts suddenly began to feel like it wasn’t the safest place in England like it had once been. There was something about a life or death situation that started making everyone act a little crazy, from people banging around in broom closets to certain extremists, on both sides, ending up in curious places. The weirdest being floating above the middle of the Black Lake.

Y/N had every single girl in her year banging her over the head with her stupid ongoing crush with Sirius, and she was getting sick of it. Finally, she’d brought up the courage to tell him, better to tell him and know than live without knowledge, one of her friends had said sincerely, puffing out a big breath of smoke whilst she giggled loudly. Being a little high may have been another factor to her sudden decision to find Sirius and proclaim her undying love for him.

So, standing in the staircase outside the Great Hall she found him and told him, in more stuttered, uncomfortable words, exactly that. She’d not exactly expected him to return the feelings, hell she didn’t think he would necessarily recognise her. She didn’t expect him to turn around, grin at James, and then begin to cackle with laughter at her.

“Uh, yes we did,” Y/N nodded slowly, pretending to smile in recognition. Sirius grinned back at her, taking a sip from his drink.

“I’m so sorry, what was your name again?”

“Y/N.”

“Ahh of course! Sirius,” He gave out a hand as if to shake it. Y/N stared at him, trying to hold in the increasing frustration she was getting from him being so nice to her.

“Yes, enjoy your drink,” Y/N plastered on the smile again and turned away, pretending to find some glasses to shine and waiting until she’d heard him walk away, thankful for him to have left her alone.

Sirius walked away slowly, heading back towards the table where James and Remus were sitting and chatting in hushed voices.

“Hey, we went to school with the bartender,” He sat down, pointing at the brown-haired girl avidly cleaning wine glasses at the corner of the bar.

The two boys looked at each other and then back to Sirius, James’ eyebrows raised and Remus smirking slightly.

“What?” Sirius hated when they did this, act like they had some secret language between them.

“You really don’t remember her?”

“No! Should I?”

“I mean, probably,” Remus gave a short laugh, continuing to be vague. Sirius almost growled at him but instead tried rack his brains as to when he would have met her before.

“That’s Y/N man, remember seventh year? That Ravenclaw girl who cornered you before dinner with all her friends giggling behind her?” James gave him a grimace, waiting for Sirius to figure out who he was talking about. And then it hit him, the girl he’d laughed at as she said she liked him.

“Oh, Merlin’s Beard,” Sirius held his hands in his head and knocked it against the table. He wondered a little why she hadn’t thrown a drink on him, “I can’t believe I just asked what her name was.”

“You are a complete idiot,” Remus laughed loudly at him, as he lifted his head from his arms and looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“I’d thought she was joking, I thought James had put her on me because of Lily and I made him think that we’d hooked up in fifth year.”

“What! As if that’s how I would have retaliated,” James looked affronted, shaking his head, “I’m still waiting for the perfect revenge for that heart attack.”

“I actually want to die in my seat right here,” Sirius felt like his stomach was turning over and over, making himself feel nauseous.

“You could go apologise…” James continued, smirking at his very uncomfortable expression. Sirius felt like he had absolutely no idea what to do, he’d literally just made small talk with the girl he’d told was a terrible actor and should shove off.

“I really don’t think an apology would do much, I was horrible,” Sirius groaned, fingering the glass of whiskey and coke.

“Maybe we should just leave her alone, I doubt doing anything would help something that happened 3 years ago,” Remus finished off his beer, nodding at the exit. Sirius said nothing, continuing to play with the glass and overthink. There had to be something he could do, anything that would make what he did better. She couldn’t just go around thinking he was an asshole for the rest of her life.

“You can’t get everyone to like you,” James kicked him from under the table, breaking him from his stupor.

“I don’t need everyone to like me,” He grumbled in response, narrowing his eyes at the two boys who were now grinning at him.

“Look, you were an idiot, you need to accept it and move on,” Remus stood up, swinging his brown leather bag over his shoulder.

“Mmmmk” Sirius didn’t look at him, but followed his lead and stood up, finishing his drink quickly and picking up his jacket. They moved quickly out of the bar, James and Remus obviously wanting to avoid Y/N’s eyes. Sirius trailed behind them, tracking her out of the corner of his eyes whilst she continued to busy herself behind the bar. He couldn’t help but think that she was deliberately avoiding him. Stop being so self-important, he cursed himself, slowing down as they reached the door.

“Fuck,” He swore under his breath, knowing this was probably a very stupid idea, and turned on his heel to move back towards the bar and where Y/N was standing, awkwardly rubbing the counter over and over again.

“Hey look, Y/N, when do you finish?” Sirius leaned over the bar slightly to get her attention. Y/N took the longest possible time to meet his eyes, not bothering to give him the fake smile this time around. She was sure that James and Remus had reminded him of their encounter, especially since she did know Remus from her days spent in the library.

She paused momentarily debating whether she should actually tell him, part of her was wondering why on earth he wanted to know when she finished work.

“She finishes at 5,” her manager had snuck up behind her and elbowed her in the ribs, giving her a wink as he passed. Y/N pursed her lips, glaring at his back as he walked away, clearly proud of himself.

“Look, I know you probably don’t want to see me like ever again, but let me just buy you a drink and apologise,” He looked at her earnestly, his grey eyes piercing hers, “Please, just 10 minutes and then you can just take the free drinks and go.”

Y/N grumbled a little, feeling herself panic a little at the idea of having to be alone with him, 10 minutes or less.

“I promise, it will mostly be me grovelling.”

“I, uh… fine ok, but if you’re not here by 5 on the dot I’m heading home,” Y/N crossed her arms, hoping she looked remotely tough and not like her heart was beating extremely hard in her chest.

“That’s completely fair, I will see you then,” He gave her a smile and ran back over to James and Remus who were glaring darkly at him, James giving him a light slap on the back of his head and pushing him out the door.

5pm

Her manager had let her off at 5pm on the dot, making sure she didn’t make more work for herself so she wouldn’t be waiting outside for Sirius. She chewed on her nails, even though they were mostly already cut down to the skin, counting down the seconds until it reached 5:01 so that she could have the excuse to scurry off home for the evening.

Unfortunately, she saw the figure of a tall man rushing across the street waving at her, whilst trying to avoid oncoming traffic.

“Y/N!” He called out, shaking out his coat from the rain as he ran underneath the cover of the bars’  entrance, “Hey sorry, I tried to wait out the rain but I didn’t have much luck clearly.”

He gave a laugh, obviously trying to make casual conversation with her, but Y/N didn’t quite feel like making the biggest effort to make him feel better about talking to her.

“No worries.”

“Right, um I presumed you don’t want to drink where you work, there’s a pub down the road from here that’s nice,” Sirius looked incredibly awkward and Y/N couldn’t help but enjoy feeling like he might feel a smidgeon of the embarrassment she endured for the last 5 months of seventh year with people jeering at her in corridors, miming her ridiculous spouting of love.

“Yeah that’s fine,” She nodded at him to lead the way. They walked in silence, collars up to avoid the cold wind that had begun to whip through the streets of London. Sirius pushed the door open to the pub and ushered her in to get out of the cold, following her in.

There was a rush of warm air that immediately made her feel perfectly dry, and made her realise they were in a wizards pub. It was incredibly busy, with a mixture of older and younger wizards and witches chatting loudly, little goblets of warm butterbeer floating above the crowds and being sent to different tables as they ordered. Y/N had heard about this place, a lot of her friends met up here after work at the Ministry or St Mungo’s, but Y/N had so far avoided it, the busyness of it all making her wholly overwhelmed.

And anyway, she’d recently charmed the cash register at her own bar to convert galleons to pounds and vice versa so she could meet her friends there after work instead. She was regretting that at this exact moment, however, wondering if it was the sign she’d placed above the entrance that could only be seen by wizards that had lured the marauders into the bar in the first place.

As if he could sense her discomfort Sirius ushered Y/N up the stairs and towards the smaller room on top of the pub’s main floor where it was quieter.

“Sorry, I forgot that it was peak time for 9-5ers,” He gestured to a booth in the corner of the room, and pulled out a chair for her to sit down in. Whilst all these actions seemed gentlemanly, she couldn’t help but feel suspicious of him being so kind, what was his angle?

“So I’m guessing you don’t work an office job?” Y/N attempted to make conversation, as he sat down opposite her, gesturing to a waiter who was waiting at the edge of the room.

“No, I work in hospitality too actually, a muggle pub in Soho,”

“Oh,” Y/N couldn’t seem to hide her surprise quickly enough, but luckily was interrupted by the waiter asking what they’d like to drink.

“Pint of Guinness thanks, what were you after?”

“A white wine is fine.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

“Are you sure? You can get something a bit more fun; I promise it’s on me regardless.”

“Do you have Hibiki Whiskey?”

“We do, Miss.”

“I’ll have that on the rocks.” The waiter nodded and walked off quickly.

“Good choice,” Sirius smiled at her again and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if this was his hospitality smile coming through, “So, surprised I work in hospo?”

“Oh I, uh, I mean a little,” Y/N stumbled, hating herself a little for not wanting to offend him, “I guess it’s just cause you and James were top of the year, I think we all expected you to become Aurors.”

“Fair enough, I thought I was going to do that as well,” Y/N thought she saw his grey eyes darken slightly but he was back to his light and happy demeanour in less than a second, “I guess I just figured there are other ways to be helping out wizardkind.”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at that, his heroic expression and oddly cryptic words.

“Right.”

The silence between them was very awkward and Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearly racking his brain for something else to say.

“So I guess I should really be apologising to you right about now,” He gave a little chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, but continued when Y/N refused to change her blasé expression, “I am really very sorry for how I treated you in school Y/N, I promise I didn’t intend to make fun of you or anything.”

“So, you just accidentally made me a laughingstock for the rest of my final year?” Y/N was surprised to hear the spite in her words but made an effort to keep her expression still and calm. Sirius grimaced, not replying until the waiter, who had brought over their drinks, had sidled away from them.

“I… look I know this sound ridiculous and you have every right to continue thinking I’m a right twat, but I sort of thought that James was playing a prank on me.”

“…What?”

“Well, it started when he superglued my paw- uh feet into my… shoes. I was stuck for a whole day,” Sirius hurried his story when Y/N didn’t laugh. Y/N personally felt proud of herself for not giving him the satisfaction, when she really did want to hear the rest of the story, “Well anyway it escalated to some relationship stuff and I sort of thought James had told you to create the most awkward thing I’d have to deal with...”

“What, dealing with someone else’s feelings?”

“Uh… yes?”

“Isn’t that a bit pathetic?”

“I mean I’m not standing up for myself here, I was a complete idiot, for both, what I did and not being able to handle other’s feelings very well,” He grinned sheepishly at her, taking a large gulp of his Guinness. Was he actually uncomfortable right now? Y/N really couldn’t tell if this was all just an elaborate lie or not, but it would be a pretty shit lie to tell.

“At least that’s something we can agree on.”

“Yeah, so I mean, do you believe me?”

Y/N sighed, so this is what it was, pandering his ego so that he could feel better about himself and forget that he ever did anything so terrible.

“Look I guess so, it would be a pretty terrible lie and I have a feeling you’re not an awful liar given the number of detentions you managed to get out of,” Y/N took a big gulp of the whiskey, savouring the burn that went down her throat.

“So… why are you working in hospitality? Ravenclaw like you would have expected big things as well,” Sirius seemed even more uncomfortable than before. Y/N also want to hit him a little bit, Ravenclaw stereotypes always got her riled up.

“Sirius, I’ve forgiven you, I believe you’re an idiot and didn’t mean to make me feel like shit, what are you still doing here?”

Sirius looked very taken aback, his cheeks flushing a bright red. He pulled his fingers through his hair, letting it fall down across his face and hide his eyes.

“I’m sorry I really didn’t want this to come across like that I just, I guess I wanted to make an effort to actually get to know you. So, I knew who I’d hurt.”

Y/N had no idea how to reply to that. It was annoyingly pragmatic, wanting to know who you’d hurt so they weren’t just a memory but a whole person.

“I totally understand if you want me to leave.”

“No, I get what you’re saying,” you’re an idiot you’re an idiot.

Sirius seemed to relax, leaning back into his chair with his pint held lazily in his hand. Y/N took the chance to put more alcohol in her system and avoid his gaze. She could feel her heartbeat increasing ever so slightly every time he looked at her and wished there was an easy spell to tell your body to shut it.

“So, was there a reason you decided to work at a bar?”

“Oh, well I originally wanted to work as a healer, but I guess I wanted to take a break from studying and all that, you know,” And she’d had to watch her parents slowly fade away after death eaters had found them in their holiday home two summers ago.

“Yeah I get that, that was kind of how I felt as well.”

They continued to chat for the better part of an hour, Sirius keeping his promise to cover the bill and said he would walk her home given that it was the middle of winter and the sun had long since gone down. They made small talk throughout the short walk over to her apartment building, both ignoring the fact that she probably could have apparated home much quicker.

“So, this is me,” Y/N nodded towards her apartment building which was a very ugly brown colour and regularly had fire alarms go off.

“Right of course, so uh thanks for letting me buy you a drink, and feed my ego,” Sirius smiled at her, putting out his hand for Y/N to shake.

“Yeah no worries, thanks for the expensive whiskey I guess,” She shook it and smiled back at her, pushing down the thought that had been plaguing her since she met him after work you idiot you idiot.

“And, well I wanted to say sorry again. If I could go back and curse everyone who was a prat to you in Seventh year I really would.”

“Well I mean they still exist.”

“Well then, my week will be spent hunting them down and making them spew slugs,” Sirius grinned, stepping back and towards the street corner, “I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”

“Yep,” Y/N gave him a last awkward nod and turned around to unlock her door. Before she could stop herself, she flicked her eyes towards the corner to see if he was still there, but he’d disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N was surprised that Sirius had also kept his promise to see her around, making sure to stop by the bar semi-regularly and stopping to chat, and always left a tip. In fact, it had slowly become a regular occurrence for Sirius to stop in after his own shifts at work or on a Sunday afternoon when he knew she worked and had time to chat if he sat up at the bar.

“Waiting for your boy,” Her manager had winked at her the previous Sunday, obviously noticing Y/N’s incessant habit of checking the door every few minutes even though she knew he worked late on Saturdays and wasn’t usually up until 12.

“He’s not my boy, he’s just a friend,” Y/N had replied weakly, looking quickly away from the door and smiling at another customer who had leaned over the bar to get her attention.

However, one day he’d stopped coming. At first, Y/N had thought perhaps he’d just decided not to come, but after a whole week Y/N had begun to think otherwise.

She pushed him from her mind, but couldn’t help glancing over at the door subconsciously every so often as if he was going to wander through the door with a wide grin and a ridiculously wild story of where he’d been all week. Y/N hated it but she’d really become accustomed to his visits, enjoying chatting to him about work, his friends, her friends, the escapades himself and the boys got up to when he had a day off.

Stop getting sucked into boys being prats she scolded herself for wondering about him again when she walked home after work that night, huffing and speeding up, enjoying the feeling of the cool air whipping her face.

“Y/N?” A voice called out to her in the dark. Y/N immediately whipped out her wand, turning to the steps leading to her apartment where the voice had come from. Lumos she thought, her wand shining onto the top step, revealing a figure hunched over and leaning on the marble pillars that sat beside the door.

“Merlin’s beard, Sirius?” Y/N stood momentarily in shock before rushing over to him, getting rid of the light on her wand in case any of her neighbours came around the corner, “What are you doing?”

“I -uh, may have done something a little bit stupid,” He grimaced, pulling open his coat and revealing what looked like a huge gash across his chest.

“What on earth is that! Why didn’t you go to St Mungo's?” She shook her head at him but leaned down and helped him up, all the same, leading him into her apartment building and towards her home.

She huffed, trying to hold him up whilst she unlocked the door, nearly falling over as she pushed him through the door and onto the nearest couch, closing the door with her foot.

“Well, what I was doing wasn’t exactly legal…” He groaned as he sat down again, pressing a hand onto his injury and trying to straighten his body so it wasn’t contorted.

“Why am I not surprised,” Y/N huffed, busying herself in the kitchen, grabbing a mixture of potion ingredients she’d kept around since she’d attempted to go through the healer training.

“I’m sorry to just turn up like this, I just remembered you know a bit about dark injuries and the boys didn’t exactly know where I was going and fuck” He groaned louder this time, his head banging back into the top of the couch.

“Take off your coat and shirt, if anything the material is going to be making it sting more than necessary,” Y/N placed a heap of magical ingredients and a small cauldron onto the sitting room table, placing a mixture into it and setting it alight. She couldn’t help but glance up every few moments as he winced, pulling off his clothes to reveal his tanned and annoyingly muscular chest. The gash also looked much much worse now that there was nothing covering it, a deep black line that seemed to have burnt a hole so deep she could see his pink flesh in the middle.

“You know you’re going to have to tell me what you did so I can actually do something you help you,” Y/N grabbed some disinfectant and began dabbing the wound softly, kneeling on the carpet in front of him. He didn’t reply, just wincing at her touch as she made her way along his chest, careful to only press as hard as needed. She definitely didn’t need her neighbours hearing someone screaming from her lounge, especially when she already suspected they thought she was a little odd.

“Sirius,” Y/N murmured again, softer this team, sitting back on her heels when she’d finished disinfecting the wound and looking up at him.

“Look, I just… I just need something to help it heal ok? I’ll be out of your hair in no time,” He replied finally, through gritted teeth.

“Don’t be stupid, Black, I couldn’t give a rats ass what you were up to ok? I’m not going to go about sharing it with the world, but you know as good as anyone that this is obviously dark magic and dark magic always needs something extra to get the healing process started. Unless you want that to eat right through your chest?”

Y/N gave him a small smile and he sighed loudly, wincing at the effect it had on his chest.

“Yeah right ok,” He grumbled but sat up a little, letting her get a better look at it, “I’d heard of some death eater activity on the outskirts of Oxford, from Bellatrix Lestrange – not sure if you remember her from school? She was the Slytherin with black hair and bitchy demeanour?”

He laughed at himself and then winced again as his lungs pushed out and moved the wound.

“Alright enough with the jokes, what did she do to you then?”

“Well, uh, she and I have a bit of a history of hating each other, and she seemed to think it would be funny to cast the fun ol’ obtusiore nouacula curse on me.”

“Shit, Sirius, you’re lucky she didn’t get to your heart.”

“Yes, lucky man am I,” He tried to smile at her again, slowly slipping lower into the chair. Y/N got him to stand up again, arm around her shoulder and moved him to the couch so he could lie flat.

“Don’t you dare try to get up again, this isn’t something that’s going to heal overnight. I’m going to put a salve on it to stop it from spreading for the minute but it’s going to take me some time to put together the potions that will stop it from spreading and begin to heal the skin,” Y/N started to leaf through some of the books she had grabbed, finding the right pages and making sure she had all the necessary ingredients. Sirius watched her silently, letting his body relax into the soft couch, feeling relief wash over him for the first time in 24 hours.

“Thank you,” He said quietly, reaching over to grab her forearm, making Y/N look up at him. Sirius swore he saw her blush lightly, but she dropped her head quickly before he could give her a proper look.

“You can thank me by not chasing after death eaters by yourself,” She muttered, but was smiling all the same, “I’ll put on the TV.”

With a flick of her hand the small television in the corner had switched on, blasting Bewitched loudly.

“What a classic,” Sirius snorted.

“I just feel so separated from the wizarding world sometimes I need to see what’s going on.”

“This is most definitely not the way to do that.”

“Shut up and let me make potions so you don’t die.”

Sirius put his hands up in defeat, grinning mischievously, and turning back to watch the episode.  They sat in silence as Y/N brewed the first potion that would let him at least sleep without pain, and started on the next as Sirius began to drift in and out of sleep. She watched him, leaning into the couch, his eyes closing slowly and opening quickly every few minutes as his body contorted awkwardly.

Y/N got him to sit up slowly, bringing the potion over to him and lifting it to his mouth so that he could sip it slowly. It was clear that he was losing the adrenaline that had got him to her apartment and likely even awake given the intensity of the wound.

“Ok come on, let’s get you into bed so you can actually go to sleep,” Y/N lifted up his arms slowly so that he could start pushing himself up off the couch and help drag himself into her bedroom.

“I can just sleep on the couch you know,” Sirius mumbled into her arm, the weight of his body leant almost entirely against her. Y/N lay him down on her bed, pulling off his shoes and putting a blanket over his legs.

“Shut up, Sirius,” She snorted at him trying to get back up off the bed and barely lifting himself upright, “Look it’s fine, sleep here, I’ll be in the other room. I’ll probably be back in every few hours to clean your chest again so don’t get freaked out if I wake you up, alright?”

“Mmmmhmmm,” He replied into the pillow, his eyes already closed. In a few moments, he was already snoring loudly. Y/N watched him for a moment, his hair moving up and down across his face with every breath. Leave him alone you stalker, she made herself turn around and head back into the living room where the books for the remaining potions were left open. For a curse like this Sirius was going to be downing potions for a week, something which Y/N didn’t quite trust him to do by himself.

Whilst she continued to brew, she wondered if she should be getting in contact with James or someone, someone who might actually be able to help him. Someone who actually knows him.

She set an alarm so that every few hours she could wake him up and feed him some more potion, checking on his chest to see if the dark spots had started to recede from the wound instead of going further in towards the flesh of his lungs. He barely noticed her every time she woke him up, mumbling a little in his sleep.

Sirius didn’t wake up again until about midday, stretching out slowly in the bed. It felt like every muscle in his body was aching, he could feel a dull throbbing in his chest and peered down to see the bandage stuck across where his wound was. He slowly pushed himself upright, looking around the room he’d fallen asleep in, trying to blink the light out of his eyes.

The room was covered in posters of the Holyhead Harpies, the floor covered in clothes and shoes to the point where he could barely see the carpet. He groaned loudly as he got out of bed, sluggishly walking out of the room and toward the living room where he presumed Y/N had made her bed for the night. Unsurprisingly, Y/N was fast asleep on the couch and snoring loudly, one hand still on the table as if she was reaching for some more ingredients as she fell asleep.

He leaned down and tapped Y/N on her shoulder, smiling down at her as she sat up quickly looking around like she had forgotten something, finding his eyes after a few minutes of confusion.

“Oh sorry, you’re awake! I haven’t cooked anything I must have fallen asleep,” She stood up quickly, blinking her eyes quickly as if she was seeing spots.

“Sit down you idiot, I was only waking you up to see if you liked bacon. I can make us some eggs on toast,” Sirius pushed her back down on the couch and looked at her expectantly. Y/N was definitely caught off guard, her brain still riling at the fact that Sirius Black was standing over her, very much shirtless, his hair almost 10x better after sleeping on it which just made her a bit mad.

“So… breakfast?”

“Oh right, yes, yeah I’ll eat whatever. There’s stuff in the fridge I think,” She lay back into the couch, watching him saunter off into the kitchen and start pulling out a bunch of different spices and ingredients across the counter. Y/N couldn’t really remember the last time there was anyone cooking in that kitchen except for the few late-night moments when she’d made very average French toast whilst drunk.

“How are you feeling?” Y/N finally got up to join him, making a pot of coffee and sitting on the countertop sipping slowly.

“Oh, heaps better,” Sirius had begun frying up the bacon and was clearly wincing every time he had to reach for another egg to fry up, “I can be out of your hair after breakfast, promise.”

“And are you planning on telling anyone else what happened?”

“Well, I mean… probably not?” He turned to face her with a bit of a sheepish grin, plating up the fried eggs and bacon onto a large plate Y/N had forgotten she had.

“Well then you’re not going anywhere,” Y/N used her most forceful voice, trying to seem like she was doing this for her own good. Yeah, you’re not forcing him to hang out with you or anything, stalker.

Sirius frowned at her, getting some knives and forks out so they could start on breakfast. He didn’t say anything, making Y/N’s stomach form a knot and regret saying anything ever in her entire life. They dug into the food, sitting side by side on her oversized chairs under the kitchen counter.

Y/N had never been so aware of someone’s body in her life. It felt like every single movement he made beside her made her arm hairs stand on end like she’d been hit with an electric shock.

“You can obviously go though if you need. I more just meant that you know, you should at least tell someone so you can keep taking the potions and like, not die.”

“Yeah look fair,” Sirius barked a laugh, finishing off the last of his eggs, “I’ll stay another day, and I’ll make sure to pay you back for the ingredients.”

Y/N bit her lip, smiling a little uncomfortably.

“Yeah about that, we are actually going to need some more. There’s like 10 different potions you’ll need to avoid permanent damage to your lungs.”

“Well we can take a trip to Diagon Alley this afternoon, I wouldn’t mind picking up some fun curse books myself,” Sirius winked at her and grabbed her plate to wash up.

“Sit down, you fool, you need to rest,” Y/N grabbed the plates from out of his hands and nodded towards the couch.

“Alright, alright,” He collapsed onto the couch groaning loudly and curling under the blanket that Y/N had left there the night before.

Y/N spent the rest of the morning trying to avoid looking over at him as he stretched himself out on the couch, falling in and out of sleep. She ended up going to Diagon Alley by herself, wandering the street to find all the bits and pieces to finish off the potions and stopping into Flourish and Blotts to see if she could find any good books on defensive curses.

“Y/N?”

Y/N turned around quickly, surprised to bump into anyone on a Monday afternoon when all her friends had finished school and professors would be back at Hogwarts for the year. Remus was standing in front of her, holding a pile of about 10 different books and leaning backwards slightly under the weight of it all.

“Oh hey, Remus!” Y/N hadn’t spoken to him past saying hi at the bar for a few years, she wasn’t sure that she would have stopped him if she saw him here. Though to be fair, bookstores were her kryptonite and would have likely not noticed him at all, “How are you?”

“Yeah alright, I’m actually really glad I bumped into you though. We seemed to have lost Sirius – I’m sure he’s fine” He corrected, mistaking her uncomfortable expression with fear, “But you know, if you’ve heard from him at all…?”

“I uh haven’t… well I mean I saw him last we-yester,” Y/N gulped, really not wanting to lie to one of his best friends about his whereabouts when he’s probably worried sick.

“Y/N?”

“He’s at my place, sorry. I have no idea why he hasn’t said anything to you guys.”

“He’s at yours?” Remus smirked at her, his books moving a little as he clearly held back a laugh.

“Well yeah? He needed some potions for an injury… what!”

“You remember Lily, right?”

“Yes?”

“You know, his best friends’ wife and healer at St Mungo’s?”

“Oh.”

“Yep.”

Y/N bit her lip. She wasn’t 100% sure what this meant. If anything this just confirmed that Sirius really didn’t want to tell the boys what he got up to when they weren’t around.

“I mean, he did something really stupid he probably didn’t want to tell you all-“

“He’s been talking about you for about 2 months straight, Y/N, you can’t be that oblivious,” Remus teased, chuckling at her ever-reddening face. Remus was being an idiot, there was no way in hell she meant anything more to Sirius than a good friend. Or maybe he liiiiiikkes you.

“Oblivious to what! He’s the one who thought me liking him could be a prank,”

“Ok ok, well anyway can you tell him he’s a git for not telling anyone where he was for a week, and also stop messing you around,” He winked at her, nodding a goodbye seeing that he was carrying a years’ worth of reading materials. Y/N was rooted to the spot, her heart racing and stomach twisting over and over. Remus was just making fun of Sirius getting excited over a new friend, right? And anyway, it wouldn’t matter because she didn’t still like him, she had a crush on him years ago.

“Yeah, right, it wouldn’t matter.” Y/N muttered to herself, almost walking out of the store without paying. Y/N felt like she didn’t really remember how she got home, but eventually, she was placing the ingredients on the bench and fiddling with the pages of the book she had just gotten Sirius.

“Ah, the master of the house returns!” Sirius croaked from the couch, turning to face her with a sleepy smile on his face.

“Yes, I’m back, I found you a book as well. Though I got a defensive book instead of just plain old dark magic,” She put the book on the coffee table and sat next to it, “Did you take everything I left for you?”

“Yes of course,” Sirius laughed at her, sitting up so he could take the book off the counter, “You would have made a great healer.”

Y/N said nothing but continued to smile at him. Her head was still going round and round about her conversation with Remus.

“This book looks amazing by the way, Y/N, thanks!” He was already half-way through, looking at the different curses.

“Right yeah of course…”Y/N had begun chewing on her nails again, making Sirius look up and raise an eyebrow at her.

“You ok?”

“What? Oh, yes! I’m fine. No, I just bumped into Remus in Diagon Alley.”

“Ohhh,” Sirius put down the book, grimacing, “What did you say?”

“I may have told him you were here, I’m sorry I don’t really love the idea of your mates wandering around unsure about where you are,” Y/N smiled at him, hoping he wouldn’t hate that she gave him up.

“Ahh, no it’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Cause your face says otherwise.”

“No, I just, uh…” Sirius combed a nervous hand through his hair, looking away from her, “It’s nothing, it honestly is fine. They should know I’m safe and not dead.”

Sirius’ joke would have landed much better if his face wasn’t bright red and contorted into the look of someone who was extremely uncomfortable.

“Are you ok there?”

“Please ignore my traitor of a face,” Sirius barked a laugh, still not looking at her in the eye. Y/N was about to reply when she saw blood oozing from the bandage she had probably averagely placed the night before.

“Ok, I need to change that over, it’s going to get infected.”

Y/N busied herself with getting a new roll of bandages, finding herself standing in the bathroom staring at her reflection.

“Stop being ridiculous, Y/N, you’re going to make a fool of yourself,” She muttered to herself, subconsciously fixing her hair in the mirror. Or perhaps this is your chance? Don’t let your embarrassment get in the way of the stupidly cute boy who is blushing in your presence and is sitting on your couch.

Y/N tapped on the sink for a few more minutes before realising that she had probably taken a little too long just to grab new bandages.

“Sorry, couldn’t find them for a minute, lean back for a second,” Y/N gave a wide, and relatively fake, smile to Sirius, sitting back down on the coffee table and pushing it in towards him so she was close enough to pull the old one off his bare chest.

“This might hurt a little bit,” She said quietly, taking it off slowly. It was clinging to the skin, and Sirius gritted his teeth as she revealed the wound. The black edges were receding slightly, but the flesh underneath the wound was still open and the blood hadn’t begun to clot over it yet.

Whilst putting on the new bandage back on, she couldn’t help but notice how close her face was to his, how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss him.

“I -uh,” Y/N cleared her through, feeling like she was making this much more awkward than it needed to be.

“Yeah…” Sirius mumbled softly, their faces inches apart. Y/N could feel his breath on her skin, his heart beating steadily in his chest. He leaned in a little closer, moving incredibly slowly as if he was unsure, nervous, a side to him she didn’t really think existed.

And then his lips were on hers, Sirius softly pushing her closer to him with his hand on her shoulder blades. She felt like she was melting into the kiss, his stubble rubbing up against her cheek as he deepened the kissed, lifting his arm up towards her hair and running his nails through and pulling her head closer to his own.

Eventually, they pulled apart, both breathing heavily, resting their foreheads against each other.

“So, I need to confess something to you, Y/N,” Sirius mumbled grinning stupidly at her.

“Is that so?”

“I very much have a bit of a thing for you,”

Y/N lifted her head, turning to look around the room exaggeratedly.

“JAMES! I know you’re here somewhere you cheeky boy,” Y/N shook her head, grinning cheekily back at him as Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Did I ever tell you I was an idiot?”

“I think maybe you did, a little while ago.”

“Well hopefully I can maybe make it up to you, perhaps you wouldn’t hate going out for dinner with me sometime?” Sirius’ had pulled away, his grey eyes piercing her own as he bit his lip nervously.

“I definitely don’t think I would hate that.”

 Taglist:   @averytruerayofsunshine @siriuslyjanhvi @blushingskywalker @blackpinkdolan @thebabblingbookworm @cherrie511 @imlukesnirvana @avengersassemblee @maraudersandco @sly-vixen-up2nogood @katbernoulli @sirius-lysad @evyiione @minerva26love @aikeia @gollyderek @greatwombatblaze  @songforhema  @your-typical-giggle

[entp-cupcake]

Types of my closest friends and how i see them

INTP:

- love her, she’s a great friend

- seems kinda cold tho, especially while texting, but maybe i am just overwhelming.

- the only times we fight is because she is annoyed of me being „unrealistic“(in her eyes) for fun, sometimes i just say stuff that is pretty dumb, but fun you know. She doesn’t like that

- smartest person i know , i think

- very Independent, not jealous at all, when in a relationship

- you have to ask at least three times before she tells you what’s wrong

- most people find her weird ( they are the weird ones honestly)

- she is honestly way better than me in group dynamics, but i talk more when it’s one to one. So we are a good team kinda.

ISTP:

- stone cold face

- i can‘t read him at all, whenever i talk to him i feel like i am so socially/emotionally dumb

- very sarcastic, witty humor , smart

- very self-confident

- is liked by everyone and disliked by everyone idk

- sounds smart while talking , often says very dumb shit tho

- is the best student in our grade and the biggest alcoholic at the same time

- good at math like ;GOOD

- doesn’t like getting too off topic, when trying to find a solution for example

- when i talk to him we never finish one topic before going to another tho

- very forgetful, very.

ESFP:

-ISTP‘s best friend

- he knows freaking everyone, everyone knows him ; EVERYONE

- very outgoing, extremely funny, especially when imitating someone

- is good at everything he does

- very interested in music and sports

- is good at every game without even trying

- he seems like a f*ckboy from the outside, is actually really sweet and kinda shy tho

- cares about people in a very weird way idk

- still pretty unreliable, he is always late and always changes his plans last seconds, you never know, whether he’ll show up or not, even when he said he will.

- even though he is very loud in most environments, he is soooo afraid of doing presentations in class , literally he’s stressed about it a week before it’s even due

- doesn’t like people of authority, even i get scared sometimes when i see how he talks to them xd

ENFJ:

- two of my best friends are ENFJ‘s

- very sweet people

- they just seem to get me without me ever telling them what is going on

- very caring, veryyyy, but also kinda chill, they can get very angry when you hurt their friends tho. Anger turns into crying pretty fast xd

- confident in who they are

- very optimistic but also not

- can be pretty b*tchy when annoyed, but it takes long most of the time

- one of them is always busy and both are very reliable most of the time

- see the world differently from others, can’t really describe it tho

INTJ:

- he is so annoyed by me, but he kinda likes that

- i swear I’m only close to him because i never cared about him being cold towards me xd

- very smart, extremely nerdy, knows everything, watches documentaries regularly since he’s like 8.

- very dark humor actually

- likes to annoy the hell out of me too, because i am never annoyed lel

- i know the right questions, he knows the right answers

- never sleeps

- cares a lot about the people around him but has troubles showing them

- can’t talk in front of a lot of people; he freaks out

INFJ:

- the calmest person ever

- very smart, very logical, i would be so lost without her

- hides her emotions really well, resting bitch face

- has no time for your bullsh*t

- very serious about personal relationships to people

- kinda traditional but understands people who are not really well?

- i love her

ISTJ:

- pretty damn traditional

- very organised and clean, very focused on details

- has strong values , it’s hard to talk her out of it even with strong facts

- needs time to understand things (she’s always annoyed by how fast i think xd)

- the person i get into discussions with the most (and the ENFJ‘s hate that)

- we both like discussions tho

- actual quote by her after our schedule changed: „ Wait, i need to reorganize my break!“

- i just started laughing at her honestly

ENTJ:

- kinda weird, very dominant (what i really like about him, if you know what i mean)

- so random honestly

- likes to test people, dislikes people who interpret something into everything he says

- people either love him or really dislike him (a lot of people (my friends) dislike him, i like him tho)

- the asshole status

- he’s the student representative/ the head boy, you know?

- talks to everyone about anything (except for me, because he dislikes me ;-;)

- is actually really deep lel, but never shows

- cries a lot (in secret)

- reads a lot

- can be really insensitive

- very passionate about what or who he loves

ISFJ:

- very smart and logical

- but sooo stubborn and so afraid of her emotions

- doesn’t trust anyone

- funniest person alive

- she really likes my personality (yea i am surprised too)

- probably thinks everyone hates her, which is not true

- very secretive when it comes to her feelings

- really dislikes ENTJ xd

Her: „Why does he talk to me?“

Me: „maybe he wanted to start a conversation with you?? Lol“

Her: „ ugh but why“

- kinda love her tho

- can be very insensitive to others, because she’s focused on her own emotions too much

- very jealous

Jup... thats it

[its-sixxers]

i’m not in a very good headspace today but it’s granted me the ability to expound upon my love for deacon in a little more depth long-ish post under a read more because it involves some mental health chat and that’s kinda heavy for a fandom tumblr lel

when i was younger (teens/early 20s) my mental health was absolute garbage town. i was in shitty relationships, i avoided taking any personal responsibility, i was a person who thought self reflection would only damage me more and it felt bad so i avoided it.

after getting out of a particularly bad relationship i had a year and a half of intense introspection and pulling apart my mindset and why i acted the way i did. i confronted my own flaws and realized what the real shitty parts of me were - parts of me that while i could sand them down a bit and make their edges a little gentler, were going to naturally come out and would take years of work to counteract. i’ve always been the sunny funny friend. i like to make people laugh, i create to entertain people and make things they’re not able to, i live for validation. now that i’m in my mid 20s and have my shit somewhat more together there’s also the expectation of having my shit together and showing no weakness. i don’t want to burden others, i want to have my mental health on a leash. i’m living firmly by the fake it til you make it creed.

so my perception of deacon as a character is really colored by that. i relate to him - of having a background as a shitty person, of self-hate that carries on because of it and is tied to it, of the masks you wear around people because you really can’t bear for them to see what you think is the weak garbage person you are. the instinct to run as a first response and hide all the uncomfortable things.

i’m in a place leagues better than i’ve ever been in. i can confidently say that the things that bring me down now are environmental and out of my control. i have healthy self esteem and am generally pretty happy. but sometimes the little bits of feeling down happen, and i get big time waves of the hate for being weak and the perception that i’m being a whiny brat and i just gotta wrangle myself together. and in those times when i’m feeling down, i have to put on the mask around people because i will be better in a couple days or even a few hours. and i feel like our resident shifty egg encapsulates a lot of those feelings. and it might even be what a lot of us see and are attracted to in him. in my time back on tumblr one thing’s pretty clear and it’s that all of us are fucked up to some degree and that this place is the only place a lot of people feel comfortable and safe taking the mask off. here’s to one day taking our collective sunglasses off and ditching the code names, dudes.

[neofox67]

Hello everyone !

it really has been a long time since i opened tumblr so i’m making a news about what had happened to me during this extremely long hiatus ( i’m also sorry for the people who asked me something and i never respond). I’m completly going to talk about my life, i don’t make this often on social media, sorry if you find this boring xD but i really want to talk about it today.

First of all , this year i surely had the best year at school so far. 

Before i was making studies about Maths in order to become an engineer. I quickly understood it wasn’t the path i wanted to follow but i had to finish my diploma and it was really hard for me, i feeled like i wasn’t where i belonged, but i managed to do it even though. i really hated what i was doing and then i went into Prepa Gobelins, it appeared like freaking heaven to me because i was eventually doing what i loved: Drawing!

I worked hard (sadly i wasn’t thinking about tumblr anymore Dx explaining the hiatus) and met with a lot of friends who were kind of like me, passioned people loving to debate about movies, pieces made by awesome artist, and discovering more and more things :3

Then came the exams of Art schools, as i was in Prepa i had to pass a lot of exams (actually for five schools) to be sure to continue my studies

And i had to pass Gobelins exam 0-0 (if you ask i will detail the exam in another post because it’s a bit long)

And... I FREANKING PASSED IT 

I WAS ACCEPTED TO GOBELINS 

Next year i’m going to integrate the formation in animation ( crfa23 )

i’m really happy and i thanked my teachers a lot xD then i remembered two months next that i had a tumblr account i absolutly deserted

it was important to me to say this because i created this tumblr 3-4 years ago, and i developed my goal to make animation studies at this time. I was also not very self confident and quite childish at this time and i made friend with wonderful people on this social media (even if i didn’t talk to them in a year, i’m really the worst Dx) i kinda grew with tumblr lel

I now feel like i’m writing a new page in my life, also i wanted to bring a little bit of support to the people who want to achieve a dream too x3

to finish this unusualy long post of mine (the longest i ever made without a doubt) i’m going to put an end to this hiatus and posting more regularly things (like my book i made this all year) i’m more active on instagram so you have a link above. i hope you’ll still enjoy what i’m doing even if i’m a fucking ghost xD

Thank you a lot for reading this too long post, you get a cookie

and don’t forget to trust in yourself !

oh and as i’m not very good in english you can send me correction thank you :3

[with-galaxies-in-her-veins]

euh, here's a useless rant ig, cheers

stereotyped compliments toward races kinda suck tbh, because on one hand, here's a 'compliment' but on the other, it's like 'eh, could be better but we'll settle for ya.'

like, today this girl told one of my friends that he was 'attractive for an asian' and honestly, that was kinda rude? he was taken aback and didn't know how to respond because how even are you supposed to respond to something like that? this same girl has mentioned a few things about me (i'm chinese, which will come into play a bit later), and how i 'hold myself like a proper asian woman' (lol, not really but ok ig) and how i 'focus a lot on what i wear, as most asians do' (in my case it's literally the farthest thing from the truth, and those who know me know that, lel)

it's not the stereotype that bothers me, but it's the person's reaction when you try and correct them, like, sorry for wanting to clarify? with some people it's easy to try and correct/explain, but with others it's like arguing with a pigeon.

i've had a plethora of people come up to me and ask me to say something in chinese, and be so surprised when i say i don't speak it (albeit i was born in china, i forgot all the chinese my baby-self knew). i've also had people fetishize me, from old men to people my own age(my ex-boyfriend, for one, he's sent me a picture of some asian girl getting fucked like wtf, it-it's a rant for another day).

i hate talking about this sort of thing since i know that so many other people have it worse, and i hate sounding like someone asking to be pitied or whatever, but this shit kinda needs to stop.

thank you for reading my messy rant, please leave your negative opinions where they belong - in the trash

[official-michael-afton]

you have any hcs or whatever for tjoc mike specifically?

YES!!! HE’S ONE OF MY FAVE CHARAS TO WRITE BECAUSE HE’S NEAT AND COMPLEX!!!

>He is self aware and knows that Scott made him and his entire universe

>As such, he hates Scott with a burning(hah!) passion for making his life in fnaf so damn tragic

>He then meets The Ignited, who basically... haze him into joining them. They literally burn him alive and threaten to put him back in the flames if he doesn’t cooperate.

>He makes friends with Ignited Golden Freddy during his time in the flames

>But! They offer to give Michael Scott’s family in return for giving Scott to them, and desperate to have a family, Michael agrees.

>When he first arrives in reality, he’s dazed and confused- it takes a while for him to even learn to speak

>When he arrives in Scott’s house, he loses strength and collapses, following up with the whole first cutscene in The Joy of Creation, Story Mode

>He puts on the “Hhh I- I don’t remember anything other than my name ;n;” act when Scott and family find him in order to gain their trust... it works.

>The second Scott touches Michael, everything changes. Mike is suddenly aware of everything- how his touch feels, the warmth radiating, the fact that its not scripted... being real feels like a drug to Michael, and being around Scott only fuels his addiction

>Needless to say, Michael has a very unhealthy dynamic with Scottie. He wants everything Scott has, it drives him crazy.

>But then... Scott is nice to him. And it feels... different. He takes such care in bandaging up Michael’s burns, he’s so patient when Michael has an outburst of emotions... Michael begins to feel a twinge of regret. He pushes that down, though.

>He feels little remorse in putting the family through their hells. He did it, his entire family did it, and it was all thanks to Scott, so he figures this is just revenge. He gives them their tutorials though, he wants to make it a fair game after all.

>It’s actually canon that Michael plays memory 4: The Basement. There, The Ignited test Michael’s loyalty, constantly threatening him and making sure he doesnt falter. Ironically, in doing so he begins to question his loyalty. lel.

>By the Attic, Michael watches with... utmost fascination at watching Scott try to crawl out of a burning building to get to his family. Just... the amount of determination he has... one of two things happen.

1- Michael realizes how important it is for their family to be together, so grants his one request: keeping his family safe. Michael gives Scott’s soul to the Ignited... but keeps his body for himself, possessing it and walking around as Scott. Val is... not happy. But they’re safe now- that’s all that matters [Bad End]

2- Michael finally comes to terms with what he’s doing. He was so furious at Scott for ruining his family... yet he was doing the same thing. Overcome with emotion, he vows to help Scott get back to his family. The Ignited Are Not Happy and try to stop them, but thanks to help from Ignited Golden Freddy, they are able to escape the house and finally end the nightmare. Mike reveals he will have to go back to his reality and burn with the Ignited there. Either A- that happens[neutral end] or B- Val and Scott forcibly adopt him and help redeem him into a Not Terrible Person[good end]

... IM SO SORRY IF I RAMBLED TOO MUCH AAAAAAAAA

[sludgesoup-archive]

every odd one!!!! if you want

hooh ok !!!! this is going under a cut ! thank u for letting me talk abt myself

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?wait a minute by willow, monster by dodie, sanctuary by joji, something for your mind by superorganism, strawberry blonde by mitski, verbatim by mother mother

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.there r no books near me lel

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?just ‘non’ [from my sister]

7: What’s your strangest talent?i dont really have one of those ! i am strange but everything i know is a skill !

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?not that i know of ! my ex write poetry so that has me wondering.......

11: Do you have any strange phobias?no just . general fears. ok i am kinda scared something is down the drain in my bathroom

13: What’s your religion?aint got one !

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?i hoenstly dont know ! both :-p

17: What was the last lie you told?i would say it but im in the lounge and im afraid someone would read it :-x

19: What does your URL mean?i saved it when i was on the skewl bus and being crouchy but i like the aes of it

21: Who is your celebrity crush?rat nao ? very much david harbour

23: How do you vent your anger?j*** *** or minecraft :-)

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?i dont mind either ! its nervwrackign at first but its always fun 

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?i dont like the sound of eating . luv the sound of rain

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?yes and yes

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?cheese . like burnt cheese. is somethign burning

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?im from aus so idk fucking. places. i dont really like coasts tho theyre too hot and theres too many ppl

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?almost makes a hitchikers joke. dont ask me this im existential 

37: Do you believe in luck?yes ! for me tho i have to ask for luck before the event. like a few days before kinda thing but yes it happens

39: What time is it?12:15 pm

41: What was the last book you read?uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

43: Do you have any nicknames?yeah ! newt, harl, simon, etc etc

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?honestly when i got my tunge pierced 

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?mine craft

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?no.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?ye. msot of the time

53: Do you save money or spend it?spend ! i liek things

55: Love or lust?thinks about keaten henson song huh what were you. saying

57: How many relationships have you had?barely three

59: Where were you yesterday?at. mall . getting suit

61: Are you wearing socks right now?no 

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?being my lil ol self

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.@owencarvour @bastardpikachu @ragedrive @transboyklug and @animorphs !! :-)

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?minecraft >.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?like. ? ye

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?unless im applying for applbees i dont like answering these kind of questions cos idk how id act. idk me

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.luv !!!

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?0910.... y

77: How can I win your heart?send me hopper stranger thigns gifset and give me minecraft tip

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?god idfk mans

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?sub to jerma

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.luv !!!!!!

85: What’s the last song you listened to?sanctuary by joji

87: What is your current desktop picture?its a folder that changes every five mins. jut images mostly picrews

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?not answerin this one lel !!

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?sorry you said radioactive i thot of the highlighter liquid from reanimator bye

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?hm. ok no yeah im not answering this one either

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?either franch to see @owencarvour or the netherlands

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?yes only a litl tho

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?leans in so the mic touche my lips. asscheekes sotuhcing the toliet seat.

[veganerudition]

You know what I hate most about non-vegans (anti-vegans*) on this website? That they’ll post an outwardly serious argument against vegans and veganism, and then when a vegan refutes their argument properly they back-pedal so fast they poop a little and revert to the mindset of a child. 

I just wish non-vegans who have no interest in learning anything would put a disclaimer on their “serious” posts addressed to vegans that read: “I’m a 14 year old self-absorbed dingbat that has no interest in hearing any arguments against my own even if my own is incorrect, let me throw my anti-vegan toddler tantrum in peace lel” cos it would make life a hell of a lot easier.

[flyingbuttercupss]

Another Lovely Horribly rant

First off, I just wanted to state that when I tried screenshotting Gi Kwang's killer smile, I screenshotted nothing. It was all black. Looks like the Kocowa app is preventing people from screenshotting stuffs, and this makes my life sad lel.

-------Moving on to episode 9-------

GOD NO I JUST CAN'T. SCENES BETWEEN JI HYO AND GI KWANG ARE SO ADORABLE.

This is where I tried to screenshot but to no avail.

-------Moving on to episode 10-------

WHY LEE PD-NIM WHYYY. DON'T GIVE UP ON EUL SOON JUST BECAUSE OF A GHOST.

Well I know it's going to be like.

Ghost: I won't let her stop writing.

Lee PD-nim's like: I have to protect her. I have to stop her at all costs from writing the drama. Even if it means her hating me.

Eul Soon is like: Why is Lee PD doing this to me? I hate him! He's taking my life! >Tries to kill self.

Philip will be the one who's gonna save her and it ruins Lee PD-nim's chances to zero.

Game over to Lee PD-nim.