#i feel like everyone has done this one recently already so idk who to tag

[justsomeoneunordinary]

WIP Game

Tagged by @palettesofrenaissance, thank you! ♥️

Rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

buckytony phone fic

cheerleader winter soldier

hanahaki lol

Ironhusbands aspec Rhodey

Ironhusbands marriage proposal

Prince of the Universe, King of Our Hearts

sad buckytony post-break up

Take a Sip of My Secret Potion (I'll Make You Fall In Love)

WinterIronHawk

wlw ironhsubands

wlw MadaTobi

World of Darkness

You Need to Get Laid (And the World Won't End)

Tagging anyone who wants to do this! ♥️

[birdofprey1234]

Hello all. In case you've been unaware, recently tumblr has begun rolling out a partnership with Midjourney to scrape the entire website and its users' posts for their AI training. This includes peoples art, and probably also writing and photography. Anything you've posted the company may use for training, and you are opted IN by default.

Obviously this blog has been inactive for quite a while now, and no new art has been or will be posted here, but this puts me in a difficult position. I'm not sure exactly what I'm gonna do with this blog from here on. Some people have recommended editing posts to put a glaze filter over old art so that it's unusable, but I have many hundreds of posts, not all of which are tagged, and I'm unsure whether the AI training has already gotten a hold of them or not, making the potential filter useless. Not to mention the reblogs that already exist of the old un-glazed artwork.

I considered deleting everything, maybe even the blog itself, but that idea...sucks. I like the idea and the feeling that though I'm not active, my art is still out in the fandom tags somewhere, and that I have had an effect on the fandoms I was in and shared my art with. And again, the reblogs still exist, so I'm not sure what that would mean in terms of AI scraping. My worry is that deleting my blog would only relinquish any control I do have of what is done with my art.

As it is I'm kind of at a standstill. I was recently thinking over sharing my art again on other blogs, since I do miss being a part of that creative space. But now this change has kind of crushed that idea entirely. All this, plus the extreme transmisogyny apocalypse happening on here in the last month, and the seeming silencing of important movement tags like palestine, it really makes me want to ditch tumblr altogether. I've seen many people considering switching platforms. There's been a lot of markiplier mutuals specifically who have encouraged me to join cohost, I also have seen pillowfort as an option for others. But those platforms are new, kind of janky and will be hard to get used to for me. Plus, idk if I'm using them wrong but there's like...11 posts in each tag that I've seen so far, which kind of kills the feeling of being a part of a big open fan community I really love. Cohost seems like a nice platform, but if only 30-35 people move over, then it's really going to be a moot point. I wanna be where everyone else in the fandom is. I worry that this mass migration will only splinter communities, as we're all going to different places. I don't want to make 500 accounts on different platforms just to stay active and feel aware in the community.

My entire online social life up to this point has basically been on tumblr, I have a lot of blogs with a LOT of memories attached to them, and it would hurt to just drop them and move away.

Overall I'm at a loss. I enjoy sharing my work, my ideas and thoughts, I like being a part of these creative communities. But it seems like everyday the online space becomes more and more hostile toward creatives and fans, and much more advertiser friendly. One thing i never ever wanted to happen was for my art to be used for AI, and I naively thought that tumblr would be safe in that way. Guess not. I sometimes wonder if eventually all large social media will crash down and The People will dedicate to going back to personal websites and forums. I would enjoy a space where I could share my art on my own terms, and not have other peoples interaction with it overshadow everything else.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. For now I will be staying on tumblr until I figure it out, but definitely no more posting creatively. I want to try to keep my work up if I can. I would recommend on all your blogs going to settings and toggling ON "prevent third-party sharing for this blog", as that will let tumblr know you wish your work, including reblogs of it to be excluded from the scraping. I'm unsure how actually useful this will be, or how much the company will respect these wishes but. It's there. I would also love for you to come talk with me @boobookiss and, hey, maybe make a cohost account. I'm on there as boobookiss as well. I hope to keep touch with you all and see this little community stay together.

[fiercynn]

so @manogirl, @inventedfangirling, and @sharingfandoms all tagged me in the thai ql favorites tag game (thanks friends!), and i wasn't sure if i had enough to say about shows other than bad buddy to do it, but i figure you can't ever talk about bbs too much amirite

favorite thai ql: yeah so it's bad buddy, surprise surprise. i watched it all in the course of like 36 hours in february 2022, not long after it had ended, and it has been thoroughly stuck in my soul ever since. i've watched it so many times and in so many pieces that i couldn't even guess at a number. i've posted...uh...200k words of bad buddy fic in the past year and half? the obsession is real. it's just such a perfect mix of antagonistic and silly and tense and sweet and heartbreaking and healing that i keep going back to it over over. i love its narrative arc, and i love its little details, and i love all the ways we get to keep reinterpreting it over and over in fanworks. and i love the people i've met in the fandom, which is really hard to separate from the show! i've made really close and awesome friends here, which seems extremely fitting tbh. so yeah anyway i like that show a lot

favorite pairing: seems obvious given my previous answer, but patpran, followed closely by inkpa! idk i just think they're both neat and extremely in love

most underrated actor: JENNIE PANHAN I NEED HER IN EVERYTHING OKAY

favorite character: parakul siridechawat. he's just so in love you guys, even when (he thinks) it's hopeless. i love a character who pines. my sexuality is pining actually and pran's might be too (jk i love pran for many many many reasons but this is the one i felt like talking about today)

favorite side character: i think it has to be a tie between mae from 3wbf and longtae from a tale of thousand stars...two very different characters! i love mae in all her complexity, her efforts to be good and kind and empathetic that are interrupted by the death of the one person who was good and kind and empathetic towards her, and her search for revenge once he's gone, and then her ultimate realization that she needs to stop the cycle of violence even if it takes one more act of violence herself. meanwhile i love longtae because he is sweet and funny and adorable and such a good friend to literally everyone in pha phun dao and also it's khao, how could i not?

favorite scene in a ql: so if i type the letter "y" in my browser, the first search result is the youtube link to bad buddy episode 5 part 4/4. does that answer your question

favorite line in a ql: i thought i was going to struggle with this one but it came to me instantly: uncle tong from bad buddy saying, "you might think one man can't change the world. but i want you to know that this world can't change someone like me either." have i mentioned i am both queer and work in climate activism for a living

most anticipated ql (& why): 23.5 degrees the series!!!! i was already one million percent there for milklove but the recent confirmation of viewjune is just like the icingest of icing on the cake. i'm so fucking stoked you guys

i'm sorry i'm not going to answer the question on guilty pleasure series because like @manogirl i do not believe in the concept, nor the ones on healthiest vs. toxic relationships because i simply do not feel like it <3

most underrated series: hmm, most of the thai ql series i've seen are too well-known/watched to count for this. like would we call gap the series underrated? probably not, right? maybe...triage? but i personally felt like triage got pretty uneven in the second half...idk this is the problem with having mostly stuck to gmmtv huh

i really have not kept good track of who has done this meme already so ummmm @citystoryscapes @mahuhumaling @melto @mousieta @incandescentflower @galauvant @dancing-out-in-space

[willowser]

was wondering if u have any dabi / touya fic recs i want to tell u i really enjoy ur works “nice to meet u” makes my heart drop down to my stomach nd i can feel my heartbeat thrum throughout my whole body ..i love your writing i visit it every night thank yiu for everything ^_^

ah — you're so sweet !! 🥺 i'm so thankful that you enjoy it, i really appreciate you reading my things and for stopping by !!

i don't have too many but !! here are some, in no particular order !!

viewfinder by rotpeach on ao3

i've already gone off on this fic before, but i genuinely think about it all the time. all the time. i will never get over how the first line made me feel, how awestruck i was at the concept of the story, and then how moved i was at the end, with the reveal. this fic makes me so — hmm — i really felt present in the reader. like i felt like i was going through life and these different stages of a relationship with dabi, idk ! definitely recommend !

kingdom of ashes by shibaraki on tumblr

i just recently found this fic and was so — uh, what ! bc i have thought to myself, what would a royal au look like with dabi ? bc i love to write royal au's and have considered them with, like, just about everyone LOL but could not picture one for dabi ! and this fic was so true to his character, i think, which i really appreciate. there's such a — idk, his personality is written so well here and it really carries throughout the story and setting. i also love arranged marriage au's so akfhkahfau the pining the angst the payoff woof.

take care by missmeinyourbones on tumblr

this fic is actually so cute ! i am such a softie for, like, dabi taking care of us. bc so many fics have us taking care of him — which, no hate, bc it is such a perfect position to put him in — and it was so nice to see it flipped ! he's trying so hard 🥺 and it's so sweet to see him attempting 🥺 especially bc — how long has it been since someone has taken care of him like this ? how much of this is he just kind of wading through, unsure of where to go or how to help or what to do next ? ah — so sweet !

heaven for nonbelievers by hawnks on tumblr

this is another fic that i have droned on and on about and also a fic i have thought about over and over again LOL one thing that i really love about this fic is something that i think is so rarely conveyed correctly ? by me especially, but: despite dabi and everything that he is and everything that he stands for and everything that he's done — at the core of it all, who is there to take care of you when you can't take care of yourself ? (just now realizing this is another care fic LOL) it just makes me feel so, idk, conflicted. bc you can believe in the heroes or you can believe in the villains, but at the end of the day, this is the person that makes sure you're fed, you know what i mean ? see, even i can't convey what is being conveyed here LOL but it's so good !

higher than the mountain, deeper than the sea by phen0l on ao3

oooohhh my god, i do not know where to begin. first of all — you need to seriously consider the warning tags for this fic, and if it is not your cup of tea, then please move on.

i am feral over this. i am studying it as if it were a holy text — which is kind of funny to say, given the tags LOL but no seriously, i. how do i say this. if if he's a serial killer was my tiny garden that i had grown in my backyard, then this fic is the entire field in the valley that is producing the best crops in the state. does that make sense as a metaphor ? idk ! but what i'm trying to say is that — this fic is everything that i wish if he's a serial killer could have been, and i kind of hate to say that bc i hate to keep bringing myself up LOL but it's bc of mao and her talent that this fic has such a special place inside my heart. i just think it is such an incredible deep dive into dabi's character and how love would make sense in his mind, and i think his relationship with the reader is very important and — sad to say — so fitting, maybe ? bc of the way they grew up, and it's just so well written and the depth of meaning and emotion and metaphor and symbolism that is woven so gracefully into the bones of the story. like. insanity. talent on another level. this isn't even half of what i could say about this fic, but it will definitely be in my compiled '22 rec list, so prepare for the novel that i will write at that time LOL

[bravewolfvesperia]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

tagged by: @altosk tagging: @mistralxsoul, @ourvoids, @ervaurem if you haven't done this, @pclitesse if you do these!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Shi (ShiShi is fine but I tend to go with Shi. if you're thinking Shinon from a ninth and tenth entry in a particular franchise, your brain is in the right place. namesakes and beloveds, friends)

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: she/her

MUSE NAME: Yuri Lowell (and assorted others on my Tales multimuse)

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: depends how often we talk. Tumblr DMs is easiest if we have brief conversation/plotting. Discord is preferred if we're starting to have regular conversations/lengthy conversations. I'm open to talking to people more though if they're interested, so if you do want to talk or gush about our muses or games, feel free to ask for my Discord! we don't have to already be talking a whole lot if you do want to move to Discord.

EXPERIENCE: I've been RPing for like, idk, as long as I can remember, but I started on Tumblr specifically around 2012. Before that it was things like ye wee old forums, messengers, etc. Tales experience is the same thing because I used to RP Tales on forums LOL.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: a mix of everything more or less. I like fluff and happy things mixed into angst, and if there's no room for happiness in a specific thread/situation, I like to have gentle/soft/emotional aspects littered around. I also try to just follow my muse's whims, so if anything suddenly spikes his rage meter, that's what we're goin' with folks.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS:

(this isn't as scary as it looks I'm sorry LOL)

ignoring my rules and asking to ship with me when your character's name is not in my ship list (yes, this includes OCs. if OCs aren't mentioned it's very likely because my muse has a very specific romantic inclination and chemistry won't trump that the muse is already leaning toward someone/other people by default. should be obvious but I literally recently on another blog had someone completely ignore that muse's ship list and still send me an anon to ask to ship with me (and the whole thing was indicative that they only wanted to write with me to ship and didn't really see my muse as their own muse but just as another tool in the shed). my ship list tends to be very tiny for any muse and I prefer it that way anyway because it wards off the idea that people are only writing with me to ship. I love shipping with certain pairs, but I don't write explicitly for that and am much more comfortable with the idea that people aren't following me to ship with me/going into things assuming they will be able to convince me into it when they would have presumably read my rules and know their character is not on that list. again, as in my rules, one-sided your-muse-likes-mine is totally fine - just don't get mad when it remains one-sided because you were warned. if your muse is on the list (for any of my muses), yes, it means I'm open to discussing it/writing it./being receptive of it.

disrespecting other writers plain for everyone to see on their dashboards. this includes saying vague shit like "there are no good (character name) muses out there". that is very much not the same as "there are no writers for this character/I can't find any of this character". that's a very intentional dig at certain character writers and implies they're not good enough for you because nobody writes that character the way you want them to (versus simply expressing a desire to write with a certain character but not finding anyone who writes them).

using my muse as a blank slate who is just a base directly off the game you probably played if you're here. if any of you have paid attention to my threads with a specific Flynn (hi Natty!), you are probably aware my muse is heavily influenced by canon side material. that stuff is a core part of my muse. my muse is not just a rip taken right out of game-only canon. the more I write, the more formed he becomes as his own individual muse. if you cannot respect that and will consider it "ooc" for my muse not to be a blank slate direct rip from canon every time I write with a new muse, that's a hard dealbreaker. (on that above note, for any Flynn writers who are unfamiliar with the canon side material that Flynn is a primary part of (i.e. very directly relative to things that affect my muse), I do not hold that against you and am completely willing to work things out with you! that shit is hard to find and is JP media only. there's a slew of side content for Vesperia that the west never got so I know many if not most people won't even know a lot of it exists)

PLOTS OR MEMES: I do both, but I'm more likely to be able to work out plots with characters either in my muse's canon(s) or muses from other Tales games ("canons" is things such as canon side material, Tales gachas Yuri is in, etc). if I don't know your character well (canon or OC), memes tend to work better. I find it difficult to plot specific things out when I don't know a particular series well or at all. that said, I'll write with people who know my character and are okay with using one of his verses even if I don't know your character/series. I love memes for writing, but I will definitely struggle to actually plot if I don't know the franchise. I also love randomly sent memes just for the sake of writing things!

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: long. short for me is like three paragraphs and I just physically can't find myself doing less. things like one-liners might pop up in dash commentary and such, but for actual threads, I write long replies because that's what comes to me. sometimes motivation really hits me with muses my muse feels close to and you might end up with a ten+ paragraph reply, so uhhh... sorry about that in advance (and my paragraphs can get bulky so doubly sorry in advance!). typically this stuff happens in more emotion-driven threads though.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: NIGHT! NIGHT! NIGHT! I'm a night owl in general, but my writing energy tends to go yeehaw on me at night.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: uhhhh uh uh for legal reasons i probably should not answer that. :)

[brightgolden]

2022 Writing Self-Evaluation

I was tagged by these amazing writers @neondiamond @greenblueish @lunarheslwt @disgruntledkittenface @onlythebravest

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 4 (wow that's serious contrast compared to last year if this doesn't show how much i'm struggling idk what will)

2. Word count posted for the year: 161 377

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Here's Your Perfect

Bookmarks: Here's Your Perfect

Comments: Here's Your Perfect

More under the cut!

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

Easily Enchanted. I loved how easy the whole plot came to me and how quickly I finished it. The whole process was like a breeze.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Definitely I Do. I finished writing it in February 2021, and I believed I have grown as a writer since then. The whole fic was so so cringey

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

Probably when someone messaged to tell me how much they loved the fic. Looking at you @lululawrence and @thinlinez

And anyone who were diligent enough to click through multiple links to come to my blog and write a comment or ask about new fics

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Tbh the second half of my year just went on a nosedive that it left me absolutely knackered by November/December.

In comparison, I usually write 20k every month and in November, I only wrote 8k.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Probably Atticus in Here's Your Perfect. Never in my life did I have to spend more than 6 hours with a toddler, and yet I received a comment saying how realistic his character is.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

The dialogue is something I came up with halfway through writing Endgame which is a rare occurrence.

Alma shakes her head, index finger raised in the air as she patiently explains, “There just isn’t any recent documentation about soulmates because people progress. They build boats and sail around the world. How do you expect to meet your soulmate if they don’t live in the same land as you? Hmm?”

Harry turns to Louis, wanting him to refute it too. But Louis looks like he is actually entertaining the idea, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.

“And over time, without the relevancy, soulmates became folklore,” he mumbles. “Mum said that when I was young.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I'm not sure I do, but looking back at I Do, I'm probably selling myself short here.

Other than that, probably being brave enough to finally write my first 100k fic. Although, considering I didn't manage to finish it in time, I might regret putting so much of my time in that one.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Literally stop being so hard on myself as a writer.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

During my darkest days, I can always rely on @pocketsunshineharry and @thinlinez They are my best cheerleader and definitely the reason I'm still writing today.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Not intentionally, but Harry's persistence in proving himself in Here's Your Perfect

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write whenever you want, whatever you want, however you want. Don't let anything/anyone discourage you.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

My beloved Mob AU that at this point I have developed love-hate relationship with. So tired of writing and talking about this one.

A fic for @faithinthefutureficfest and a sugar baby fic that I'm really excited about

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like everyone has done this at this point because in my classic way, I waited for the last day of the year to make an evaluation.

Tagging @ohpleaselarry @harryslonecurl @dragmedown @cyantific if you haven't done this already!

[disaster-j]

Reveal your Watch and Rewatch drama list!

Tagged by @joblessquinoa thanks 💜💜

Currently Watching:

1. Kinnporsche- if you follow me you'll know how much I love this show it's giving EVERYTHING i needed it to give and i am so glad i watched it live bc i would have binged it in one night and lost so much sleep lmao

2. Sky in Your Heart- I'm a little behind but hoping to catch up this weeked. I love this show. Mek in a bl was already enough for me to get excited but I also loved Fah in Star in my Mind so it was even better seeing him in his own show. FahPrince are so cute together they have so much chemistry right from the first meeting and i love love love them so much. Highly recommend it to anyone who liked atots too bc the vibes are identical.

3. Mama Gogo- y'all know i love this show soooo much. It's cracky and over the top but very much self aware. The cast is incredible and storylines are really fun and interesting. The chemistry between the two main leads is already pretty good even tho i believe it's a slow burn enemies to lovers but like IT'S THERE okay. And everyone else in the cast has great chemistry too. So invested in the drama between Annie and Tina like i want them to get in a physical fight so bad i think it would be extremely funny. 10000/10 HIGHLY recommend this one!!!

4. Astrophile- the only way this show could redeem itself is if it turns out Kimhan is secretly a villain and ends up alone in the end, like 500 Days of Summer. Otherwise this is a complete and utter failure. Not only is the main plot mind numbingly boring but the main character is so insanely unlikeable even Bright stans i know refuse to continue watching it. There's zero chemistry between the supposed main couple and the guy is literally a walking red flag. Every single character and side plot other than Kimhan's whole thing is genuinely pretty good, but they get so little screentime and we are instead constantly forced to watch Kimhan use his past trauma as an excuse to be a fucking incel while manipulating the female lead into building a relationship with him. Don't watch this show or if you do just skip every Kimhan scene idk what else to say. There's a reason it flopped across all media platforms not even halfway through. I haven't even been able to get past what 2 eps? Shit sucks.

5. Ghost Doctor- i started this forever ago and even tho i genuinely love the show i have been slacking on finishing it. Kdramas are soooo long and I've been busy so 🤷‍♀️ but it's on netflix now so hopefully that can be a good motivator to finishing it. The story is about this genius doctor who falls into a coma and starts possessing one of his residents whom he has a hate relationship with to treat patients. Very funny and at times cracky show but balanced out with a serious thriller ish plotline going on underneath. Would recommend this to anyone who likes kdramas.

Rewatch:

I simply do not have the time to rewatch shows rn 😔😔

Looking forward to-

Vice Versa, U.M.G, GAP, Eclipse, 10 Years Ticket, Warp Effect, 3 Gentlebros, Home School, Midnight Series (mostly the OffJan and NanonFilm ones bc Moonlight Chicken just isn't my thing)... that's all i can think of rn

Tagging: (i feel like most people have done this recently so ignore this if you have but) @magicaldreamfox1 @onstoryladders @piningbisexuals @demiromanticmickey @ralbeleren @paalove @catravandece @mineonmain

[sistrrrenchantress]

6 Questions Tag Game

Thanks @dwellerinroots for the tag! I haven’t actually ever done one of these so here goes nothing.

1. Last Song?

Ughgh I think Malibu by Hole. I last listened to a podcast and I only use Spotify so I’m like 98% it was Malibu. Anyways I love that song. It’s hopeful and sad and when I was in high school I really wanted someone to whisk me away and we’d go live somewhere by the beach in like a van. You know like those kinda romantic, hazy dreams of van-life before you realize that it’s not realistic.

2. Last Show?

I was gonna say The Last of Us, but actually I watched Modern Family last night. TBH my partner likes TLoU a lot more than I do, but it’s got some scenes that melt my heart a bit. Anyways Modern Family always acts like a personal pick-me-up since it’s kinda nostalgic. Plus sometimes I wish my family was more like them. It also kinda helped me realize what wasn’t healthy about my own personal relationships and know that life goes on even if your family sucks sometimes so even if it’s a mess it kinda has helped me? Idk why I’m trying to explain myself here lmao. I had a class where everyone said it was problematic and I don’t want people thinking I agree with everything in the show or whatever.

3. Currently Watching?

I just finished watching Wakanda Forever so I think it counts since I started this before it ended lmao. Anyways I thought it was okay. Not good, but not terrible. But I also think it was closer to terrible than good. It just felt confused, like it didn’t know what message or arc Shuri was supposed to have so idk idk. I’m not a movie critic so… yeah

4. Currently Reading?

I’m still reading Hyperion. I know it’s been a month, but in my defense the blues have hit me like a truck and I’ve solely been focusing on keeping my GPA. I have one more short story left, which is the Consol’s. Also, I should’ve mentioned but it’s a collection of sci-fi short stories (Canterbury Tales style) taking place eons into the future after Earth has literally imploded. It follows a group of people brought together on a pilgrimage to travel to the mysterious Time Temple on the planet of Hyperion. There’s more but I really don’t wanna spoil anything for anyone who might want to read or was already planning. Anyways the priest’s tale is my absolute favorite, because I like it’s spooky vibe and other spoiler-filled reasons. However they’re all written really well and I would recommend this to just about everyone since I think it’s just a really fun read.

5. Current Obsession?

Oof I don’t really have one because I’ve been feeling down. However Cyberpunk 2077 was it for a while, then TES again, and I’m just floating now. Anyways I’m always interested in TES, the Witcher, Dragon Age, etc. It’s just not as intense as other people though. I feel kinda boring now. Well, at least I’ve been getting back into art and blender and messing around with trying to learn my father’s language again. And I love writing and creating generally so that’s really that.

6. Unrelated Stuff I’ve Been Doing?

I already talked about this a little I guess. I’m learning Polish again and watching more shows with the dub in Spanish so I don’t lose it since I just don’t talk to my family much anymore. I’ve been messing with blender and unreal engine. I re-started this art-schedule-thing that I got from a yt video. I really want to improve my digital art. I also have like 10 billion tabs open with videos on blender and unreal so maybe I’ll post what I’m working on one day. I kinda gave up on my NaNoWriMo because I’m too moody and I don’t know what’s wrong with my executive function but we haven’t been on the same page recently. However, listening to podcasts (like Unresolved Textual Tension or You’re Wrong About and Rotten Mango) has kinda helped my mood a little. But if I’m being real here, real life kinda takes up most of my time. So school (gotta love deciding for a dual degree really late in my undergrad) and all the volunteer/internship things I have to do kinda just take up most of my life. That’s a little depressing lmao, but it is what it is.

Anyways, thanks for the tag! I don’t feel like I’m active enough to tag anyone and I’m shy so anyone who sees and wants to do it, feel free.

[wandapinkay]

HIIIII it's friendly anon back again!! ヾ(ゝω・)ノ

the pleasure is all mine, i assure you! :D i was a bit apprehensive to drop in your inbox at first - since i'm not well-versed in self-shipping culture and ask culture on this site is tragically dead - but i got a cool new parasocial friendship out of it and i discovered a new and exciting way to consume media and enjoy characters, so i'm glad that i did!! \^o^/ it took me a long time to realize it, but i truly think self-shipping was the last piece of the puzzle that i was missing in my previous hyperfixations. so what if that man is fictional, what do you mean he can't be mine??

in other news, i've already gotten four of my friends to watch steins;gate and i also recently convinced my sister and her husband to give it a try! i have rewatched the entire show three times alone this month, i am fully insane 🙏

WAITTTT THOSE CATBOY EDITS ARE SO CUTE ACTUALLY 🥺🥺i'm so impressed with how authentic they look, how did you capture the steins;gate style so well?? the second one on particular looks so real, suddenly i'm convinced daru was a catboy the whole time and i just never noticed lol

MAD respect for that 200-unit daru pic collection btw, i've been deep-diving in the darkest corners of the internet for fanart of okabe and i have found some amazing comics featuring daru that made me think of you ( ¯ ³¯)♡! on that note, i've also seen some very sweet drawings of daru with baby suzuha which, out of curiosity, made me wonder what your thoughts on them are together as father and daughter! i adore them honestly, but i'm curious to know if you feel differently about them since you self-ship with daru! i've seen a couple selfshippers in another fandom i frequent who have drawn fankids with their f/o's before and that got me wondering since suzuha is a unique case :)

ASDFJAKSFKSF YES THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE VN idk why i called it that, i think someone else called it that in a reddit post-

nevertheless, my point stands. i cannot even begin to express my disappointment that we didn't get to see daru OR okabe in a maid outfit. heck, we didn't even get to see daru in his penguin suit (though the fact that he was really popular in it made me cackle)! i mean it when i say that if the devs hadn't been cowards and gave us frilly daru and okabe, i would not have looked even twice at the girls. the men yearn for the frills!!! \o/

wahhhh you really are so nice, i appreciate you a bunch :) :) and wow, i thought for sure you'd been part of the community for longer than a year, you seem so comfortable here! was it easy for you to get settled in the community? you've been so nice, but i'm a bit scared to dip my toes in the self-shipping tag if you have any advice👉👈 (thank you again for being so kind and accommodating!! ^^;)

I DID, I SAID THE LINE!! WHERE IS MY PRIZE

your message has been delivered and summarily ignored except for the kiss which he accepted with dignity :3

to sign off, i am blowing both you and daru a pair of friendly kisses! i wish you both a very good night AND OH MAN I ALMOST FORGOT IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY IN TWO DAYS??? in that case, i wish you both a good night AND a wonderful valentine's day if you have any plans!!

thank you again for reading!! i will most assuredly be back if i am still welcome! (ᴗ͈ ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

OMG HI ONCE AGAIN!! SO SORRY IF I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER YOUR ASK, I WAS BUSYY 😭 Still so happy for the fact you're enjoying your new hobbie, I think everyone should try selfshipping at least once in their lives.. and woAHH amazing steins;gate propaganda you've done there! Wish I could do that to most of my friends but some have already seen it ages ago and some aren't just interested so I just kinda gave up HFH ALSO HOOOLY and I thought finishing the series in like,, 2 months was mental but you got me there I'm honest /lh I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT?? I just kinda went with it by using a small brush with no pressure and blurring out everything a little bit so it matched the og pic's quality I suppose?? I'm happy you think they seem legit, I did my job well then ; u ; <3 OMG THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU THOUGHH 🥺🥺 now you got me curious on which ones you're referring to waa.. ALSO UMM.. ABOUT SUZUHA- I had a few concepts for how my relationship with Daru would work in-universe.. so I made a couple of them: one is the "good" ending I guess, while another is just "angst™"

.. yeah, can you tell I felt awful while coming up with the second one? GDGSFGFSD IT'S FINE THOUGH, I'M OK NOW But this is besides the point; I actually really love Suzuha's character and I prefer her over the other girls.. and my favorite dynamic is hers with Daru and Yuki (ironically).. seeing Daru being a dad melts my heart because sometimes I wish I had a father figure as sweet as he is aaa I prefer to see myself with Daru than project myself onto Yuki though, because I'd treat him differently than he does sometimes if I gotta be honest Still, hope you like the silly ideas- WAIT,, UH?? DARU HAS A PENGUIN SUIT?? I NEED TO SEE IT SO BADD 😭😭 Also fr, why can't they just satisfy the boy's fans for once,, I feel like they're leaving us out on purpose at this point- /j

Btw, for the selfship community part, I didn't really do much! I just started to post my artwork in the tag and started following and interacting with some peeps, although rarely because I'm still akward about it, but the people in it are so nice!! In my opinion, it's worth a shot!

Also thank you so much!! I hope you had a great Valentine's day with Okabe as well, sending you kisses as well! I posted a fanart that is kinda vday themed but nothing selfshippy unfortunately, but me and Daru would have probably chilled at home, exchanging eachother chocolates and stuff like that! Idk, I'm not a very "outside" person but if we had in plan to go somewhere like the May Queen to get something together, I wouldn't have minded either!

Of course you're welcome to come back, it's always a pleasure! Since I don't get asks often, it brightens up my day to see something in my inbox once in a while, so thank you still for feeling comfy enough to come back! Have a great day/night! 💕💕

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?

askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like

(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)

i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads

which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter

it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272

it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all

and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to

i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet

rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare

(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)

(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)

probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them

like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy

(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)

(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)

even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to

i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident

and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection

‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!

another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing

other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could

this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor

something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins

and...

first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more

(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)

more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left

(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)

(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)

which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them

there’s just so little of him left but the weapon

he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins

not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once

and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps

... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here

just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either

no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?

the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -

it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat

they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope

but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one

yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction

the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...

that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice

like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds

... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger

what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?

don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear

some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all

and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain

(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)

(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)

i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond

he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him

but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’

(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)

(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)

more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror

in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them

that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands

as for maglor...

i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad

but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge

it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons

horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!

it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve

and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me

so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them

an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects

maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin

seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me

the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them

there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay

they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain

he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can

(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)

(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)

however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this

but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created

and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable

look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat

but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?

that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian

we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence

(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)

like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them

(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)

elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home

... right?

it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice

then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them

the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him

instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through

... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most

i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives

they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t

speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations

because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke

that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain

(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)

(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)

(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)

(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)

not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past

i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy

no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer

compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea

and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic

honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way

but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me

which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage

it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently

i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist

in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing

they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification

they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world

and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood

nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams

there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer

as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor

(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)

but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves

they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage

he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less

and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be

... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out

the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of

and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -

i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can

they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light

and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality

it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved

even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor

not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands

it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one

that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other

and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness

but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out

well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell

it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial

still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away

[bruhlsbees]

second chance ; 1/5 || writer!daniel x fem!artist!reader

(gif credit to @/magsam)

summary: you continue to dwell on your past as you prepare to open your art gallery

warnings: daniel's boss is a little creepy - like flirty but in power creepy, idk how to tag that, nothing bad happens she just obvi wants in his pants (but don't we all), 18+ although no smut

word count: 6,637

pairing: writer!daniel x fem!artist!reader

a/n: here's my soft fic!! please enjoy!! :) also i should note that writer!daniel is based around sebastian from ich und kaminski - i just changed the name to daniel, but really only loosely based so that's why i'm not considering this to be a sebastian fic!

He woke to the lull sound of music being played in the shop below his flat. With a groan, he pulled his head from under the pillow, squinting at the sun that peeked through his curtains before turning towards the clock on his nightstand.

12:17 PM

Another groan left him as his face fell back into the pillows. He had to be at work by one and he wasn’t even out of bed - and he should be on the road leaving in thirteen minutes! This, however, was not uncommon for Daniel - he was often late, running behind from sleeping off his hangover or just simply not caring enough to pick up his feet and move quicker.

He was half tempted to call off, tell his boss that he had a relative that passed or that he was ill.

“I thought your great-aunt just recently passed away?” Daniel’s boss questioned over the phone, her tone more annoyed than confused. He could hear the restaurant clatter through the phone, indicating that it was a rather busy day.

“Yes, that was on my mother’s side, this one is on my father’s,” He picked up a pair of socks off the ground to see if they were clean or at least passed the smell check. “Tragic, I’m not sure what I’m going to do without them.”

He sniffed the socks and threw them away from his face in the same motion, holding back the cough as he shook the smell out of his nose. Daniel knew he had been putting off laundry for too long, the clear evidence being the pair of socks he mistakenly picked up.

Moving to the bathroom to take a shower and get around for the day. Daniel kept his cellphone pressed to his ear, held by the crook of his shoulder while he waited to hear what his boss would say to him.

“Fine,” She finally responded after a moment. Her tone was short, biting like a sting, “But I expect you back on your next shift. We can’t afford to keep losing waiters.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Opening up the medicine cabinet he grabbed his deodorant stick, swiping it a few times under each armpit before feeling satisfied enough to move on, “I’ll be there.”

When he heard the click he swiftly let his phone drop from his shoulder, catching it with his hand before setting it on the top of the toilet next to his sink, continuing to get ready for the day. Even though he wasn’t going into work today, he could still at least get ready instead of basking away in his own stench from the previous night.

Finally pushing himself out of bed after laying for another few minutes, Daniel rummaged through the clothes on the floor, finding the cleanest uniform out of the dirty clothes before tossing them on his bed, moving to the bathroom to get ready. When he got to the bathroom, he nearly cringed at the sight of him.

It was quite obvious that he had a long night, the dark circles around his eyes screamed that he didn’t sleep well and his hair was matted to his head. He couldn’t remember who he had over, or what her name even started with. Was it an s? Sienna? Sierra? Sally? Who fucking cares.

He did a half-assed job brushing his teeth, more so focused on just getting the taste of whiskey out of his mouth so that nobody assumed he was drunk on the job. He already got let go from another job for that.

After the taste was most of the way out, Daniel quickly rinsed his face off and pulled his hair back into a low bun. He didn’t look bad - but it was clear that he had a rough night.

Surprisingly he was out of the door sooner than he imagined. Ascending down the stairs, he made sure to have his steps extra heavy to piss the store owners under him off. A smirk was present on Daniel’s face when he jumped one by one down the final few steps, hearing the store owner yell for him to ‘bugger off’ from inside.

“Kiss my ass.” Daniel mumbled, pushing the door open before making his way onto the sidewalk, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket and lighter, sparking the stick as he made his way down the road to work.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Everything felt so off, yet so right. Something was missing, but you couldn’t pin what it was just yet. The gallery exceeded your expectations - Vee exceeded your expectations, she always seemed to go above and beyond when it came to your work.

“And how does she like it? Do we get her seal of approval?” The museum’s art curator questioned, standing off to the side so that you and Vee could take it all in.

He was a short man, the rectangle frames glasses that were a bright orange that matched with his orange suit. You wondered if perhaps the glasses were real, or were they fake and more of a fashion statement? Did he have a matching pair of glasses for each outfit?

You didn’t realize how out of it you were until you felt Vee nudge you, answering for the curator.

“She loves it, do forgive her, she’s just taken back is all.” Vee explained, smiling towards the curator as he nodded, relief washing over him as he continued to showcase the room in the museum that was dedicated to your work.

You let out a sigh and trailed behind Vee. You felt bad for not being so animated, but you couldn’t help it - you just weren’t in the best mental spot right now. It was quite obvious too, at least to everyone around you. When the three of you reached the back of the gallery, the curator turned and pulled his lips into a tight smile.

“Well, if there is anything else we can do before your opening, please, let us know,” He turned to Vee and bowed her way in goodbye, “You have my number, just call if there is anything.” He turned on his heels and made his way out of the room, his footsteps echoing until he left and then...nothing.

You let out a soft exhale and sat down on the bench that was placed in front of the back wall, staring up at a few of your paintings. Your shoulders were slacked, a frown on your face as you toyed with your bracelet that was on your left wrist, twirling the string around your fingers. Moving around the bench, Vee took a seat beside you, letting her purse fall to the ground at her feet, looking up at your pieces.

“If this isn’t something you want to do anymore, I can let him know,” She began, your head shooting up, looking at her with wide eyes, “He won’t be pleased, but I suppose it’d be better to hear from me than you.” She stated, eyes flickering from one painting to the next.

You shook your head, shocked that Vee would even suggest canceling the opening. What made her think that? Did she think you didn’t want this anymore? No, of course you wanted this, this was something you’ve dreamt about since you were a little girl.

“What are you saying, Vee? Of course I want this still, you’ve worked so hard and did such a wonderful job with this, I wouldn’t want to have all your hard work go to waste.” You explained, looking towards her now. She smiled, staring at the painting off to her right before turning her head the other way towards you.

“My dear, this isn’t about me. This is about you. My job is to get you where you need to be and make your dreams come true. I won’t be upset if you change your mind. We can wait to open your gallery, wait until next year or this winter perhaps. Whatever you wan-”

“I want this. I just-” You let out a sigh and dropped your head again, looking at your feet for a moment before back up at the wall, tears in your eyes, “I just thought it would be different, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?” Vee questioned, her left hand resting on your back, her right on your hands, squeezing them. You didn’t know how to put it into words, and that was the issue. You didn’t know why you felt the way you did, or where it came from. The room wasn’t empty, yet at the same time, something was missing.

“I just, something is missing...and I can’t figure out what it is,” You began, standing up from your spot on the bench and circling it, looking now from the back towards the front of the gallery. “When I come into this room, I want to love it, I do love it, but something just isn’t right about all of it. It feels incomplete, but what is missing?”

Nodding slowly, Vee let out a sigh and stood up, picking her purse from the floor and swinging it over her before walking over to you, standing beside you as she joined you in staring at the work you’ve created in the room.

“You want to know what I see in this room? A young, talented woman who has spent the last fifteen years making something of herself,” She began, her voice quiet, like a grandmother’s gentle tone. “A woman who went from nothing to having a large home, a gallery space, yet at the same time, a woman who doesn’t feel complete because she is still living in past regret.”

You glanced away from her at the last part of her speech. It wasn’t that you were hiding your tears from her, but she was right, and you were a fool to still be living in the past.

When she continued, your head faltered back to its original position, looking straight ahead. This was supposed to be your day, yours, and yet even after everything, Daniel was still the one on your mind...the one who still controlled your emotions and work.

“I don’t mean to be brash, dear, but if he wanted to make an appearance in your life, he would have done it by now. It’s time you put that past away and look towards the future,” Wrapping her arms around you, Vee pulled you close, extending her left hand out to motion around the room, “Think of all that you’ve done without him. Is he truly the one you wish to have by your side when you open your gallery? The one who didn’t want this for you in the first place?”

By this point you were crying, silently weeping in Vee’s arm as she gave you a hard reality check. It was true, all of it, why were you still hung up on him? For all you knew he had moved on himself - living with a pretty wife and a couple kids with a backyard and porch. You made it this far without him, and damn did you do a good job, so why were you still holding out on the chance that he would show up? Were you still that much in love with him?

“Sweet girl, it’s time to move on from him. He’s caused you enough pain. Look at how much you’ve done, truly, look around,” You opened your eyes and looked around the room, smiling weakly at all your work, “Never have I worked with someone as talented as you. The past five years have been a pleasure and I just want you to be proud of what you’ve done.”

“I am,” You whispered, looking at Vee now. You knew there were tears running down your cheeks as you could feel them, dripping from your jaw and onto your shirt. You sniffled and wiped your cheeks dry before letting out a sigh, “You’re right. I need to stop letting him ruin my day. This gallery, it’s beautiful! I should go and tell the curator he’s done an excellent job. I’m sure he thinks by now I’m either stuck up or a bitch...probably both!”

You laughed with Vee, leaning in as she kissed your temple before patting your back once, “I don’t think you should worry too much about that. I’m sure he’s probably dealt with worse drama queens,” She began to lead you out of the gallery, her arm still wrapped around you, “Come on, how about we go get a pastry and head home, yes?”

Nodding, you kept your own arm wrapped around her, following her out of the museum and to your lift that you had taken that day. The city was beautiful, but you were ready to retire back to the countryside where your home was.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

He had made it into work exactly four minutes late, and his boss was at the door waiting for him with a scowl on her face. She was a mean bitch, Teresa, his boss - thin and blonde, always a stern look on her face like she ate something bad. She was his height, which only made arguments worse. Teresa liked to find your weakness and make that her target.

Daniel was rather confident, not taking much heat and just letting it roll off his back, but he was shorter, average, but still short. Standing at only five feet nine inches, Daniel knew quite a few women who were his height, if not taller. So when it came to him and Teresa yelling in the kitchen at the restaurant, she always seemed to find a way to stand herself up to seem taller than he was, making her both look and feel like the alpha.

Tucking the fallen pieces behind his ears, Daniel sighed and went to grab an apron that was hanging up beside the time clock where Teresa was standing.

“Sorry, traffic was busy.” He stated, going to punch in his work number. Before he could, Teresa stepped to the side in front of it, hands on her hips as she blocked him from clocking in. He took a quick step back before running into her, eyes furrowed together. “Um, is there something-”

“You’re late,” She pointed out, as if he didn’t already know. She moved her hands from her hips and to cross over her chest, her breasts pressing together causing Daniel to swallow, eyes looking ahead of him at the time clock. “If we weren’t so desperate for staff, you’d be out of here.”

It took everything for Daniel to not roll his eyes at the comment, shuffling in his spot as he became fidgety, wanting to get away from Teresa and go to work. This wasn’t the first time she had cornered him before - taunting him with her breasts and charm, making him sweat through his uniform.

No, of course he didn’t think she was hot - well, maybe, but she was a bitch. A stone cold bitch who wouldn’t be getting anywhere near his pants. That promise he would keep. He’s had his fair share of questionable hookups, but Teresa the Tyrant would not be one of them, no matter how hard she tried.

“Are you sure it's we and not you?” He toyed, his eyes flicking over towards her. He held back his smirk when her arms fell, mouth gaping before she glared and moved out of the way.

“Get to work,” She ordered, moving out of the way and into the office that was beside the timeclock, in the back of the kitchen. “And I’m docking this!”

“And I’m docking this!” Daniel mimicked, making a face as he mumbled to himself, punching into work and grabbing an apron, wrapping it around him before heading through the kitchen and to the main seating area to start waiting on his section.

The two other waitresses, Kali and Lana, were already working, moving tables around for what looked to be a big party coming in. The restaurant Daniel worked at was rather nice, more formal than most around town, so most people came to the restaurant if they were looking for something special. The host, Will, at the front sighing in relief at the sight of Daniel walking in.

“Finally! Thank God you’re here!” Will began, handing Daniel his things frantically, “We got a huge party coming in. Teresa just sprung it on us when we opened,” Daniel’s eyebrows furrowed, stuffing the pens and orderbook in his pocket, trying to keep up with Will, “Whole party booked the restaurant. It’s just us four tonight. Party is almost reaching forty-”

“Forty? Forty people? And four waiters? What the hell was Teresa thinking?” Part of Daniel wished he had called in, but the four of them were a good team, he couldn’t bail on them. Tucking his hair behind his ears as it fell in his face, he sighed and shook his head, “What do I need to do before they get here?”

Will seemed to relax a bit when Daniel offered to help, wrapping the last bit of silverware before handing the basket to Daniel, “Set the tables. They’re sitting at four tables, ten each. We each get a table and their food is being cooked now so hopefully everything goes smoothly.”

Nodding, Daniel took the silverware, shifting the basket to sit on his hip before moving to the tables, “Yeah, hopefully.”

It didn’t take long to get ready, most of the work already being done before Daniel had clocked in. After the tables were set up and the four of them did some last minute cleaning, the guests soon began to come in, sitting in their assigned spots - the restaurant growing loud quickly.

As the oldest waiter, and the one with the most experience, Daniel didn’t stress too much about his table, focusing on Kali and Will who were the youngest of them, only in high school. He noticed Kali was especially having a hard time balancing all the food on the tray, wobbling as she went to sit it down to begin passing them out. He knew this night couldn’t get any worse, but Hell, Teresa really did throw them a curveball.

When Daniel was refilling glasses, he couldn’t help but grow curious, what was this all about? What were so many fancy rich pricks doing here?

“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the occasion?” Daniel asked, doing his best to sound charming rather than nosey. He smiled down at the group at the end of the table he was at, watching as they paused from their conversations to turn to Daniel.

The one man, who turned his nose at the sight of Daniel, scoffed and adjusted his posture in his seat, “Oh you don’t know? Well, if you must know, we’re a group of art collectors,” He pulled out the flyer from his suit pocket and handed it to Daniel, who took it and began unfolding it as he continued, “There’s a new art gallery opening. We plan on going and potentially buying some of her pieces.”

Nodding, Daniel continued to listen until they began to ramble about rich people things that rich people talked about. Reading over the flyer, he recognized the art museum. It was a rather posh one, one that had famous art pieces that people would travel from all over to see. This artist must have been a rather big deal to be having a pop-up in the art museum.

It was the style of art he recognized first. He had seen it before. Where he couldn’t put his finger on, but he knew he had seen the art before. Reading over the name didn’t help either - Cassie Kane?

“Cassie Kane? Like Citizen Kane? What is that, some sort of pen name?” He couldn’t help but laugh at the name, finding it to be ridiculous. He was a writer - well, aspiring writer. He always found pen names to be rather odd, not something he was ever a fan of.

The table laughed at his joke, but Daniel knew that it wasn’t what he said that was funny, but him in general. Rich people always liked to laugh at the waiters, finding whatever came out of their mouth to be funny - as if they were their dancing monkeys.

“You’ve seriously never heard of her? Come now, she’s one of the most aspiring artists right now! It’s not everyday you see someone so young and talented open up a gallery of their own work, let alone in such a famous museum!” This time it was the woman beside the man who spoke, baffled at Daniel’s lack of knowledge in the so-called ‘Cassie Kane’.

“Forgive me, I’m a writer, not much of an artist.” He explained, pulling his lips into a thin smile. His patience was growing weak with these upper-class snobs and his feet were sore. All he wanted to do was go home, smoke a few cigarettes, have some drinks, and pass out on his couch.

“Well, nobody knows much about her. Like I said, she’s young. From what I hear though, she lives in a manor that was passed down to her by a great-aunt or something. I believe she took care of her before her death and her aunt gave her the house,” Another woman said, sipping her champagne before continuing, “A single woman, all alone in that big house. No wonder she has all those paintings, poor girl probably has nothing better to do.”

They erupted into laughs at the woman’s comment, the woman’s own laugh sounding far too similar to a donkey for Daniel to keep his composure, sipping their drinks and continuing on with other conversations.

Before Daniel could finally escape though, giving up all interests on even trying to talk with his table - the original man quickly reached out to Daniel as he turned to leave, pulling at his apron to gain his attention.

“You asked her name, yes well, she’s actually from here. That’s why we’ve stopped by. We wanted to get a look around her hometown before travelling to see what inspired her pieces. Here! I have a photo actually.” The man dug his photo out of his pocket and unlocked it, searching on Google for the artist before pulling up a picture, handing his phone to Daniel who took it, holding it in front of him.

“She’s the one on the far left,” He explained, “In the red.”

Scanning through the line of people, Daniel nearly dropped the man’s phone when he finally reached the artist. He knew he had seen the art from somewhere, and who left town to become an artist? He should have known - it was the only person who he could have thought of. You, you were Cassie Kane.

“You must have known her? She’s about your age! Did you go to school with her?”

The questions became far too much for Daniel, who all but cowered back, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them, “Um, no, sorry, I don’t,” He lied, clearing his throat, “Must have been in different classes than me.”

“Well she’s opening up the invitations to everyone in town. Free admission if you show that you live in town. Perhaps you should go - check the gallery out for yourself and broaden your horizons a bit. Whole town is rather dense from what I’ve seen. No wonder she’s letting you all come for free.”

And after three painfully long hours of listening to the rich snobs joke and whine and bicker, Daniel finally had enough. With a smile, Daniel let out a mocking laugh, pathetically sounding like a snob before his face fell, his table - and the others as well, falling to silence.

“If I wanted to broaden my horizons, I’d go to the zoo, at least there I can enjoy what I’m looking like,” He turned to the woman who had originally spoken up after the man - who’s laugh sounded far too much like a donkey, smiling wickedly down at her, “That reminds me, I heard they’re opening a petting zoo in town - maybe you can go and say hi to the rest of your cousins for me. What exactly do donkeys eat by the way? I’m curious to know.”

He let out a whine line a donkey, mocking the woman before leaning over the table and reaching for the champagne bottle in the ice bucket, pulling the cork off with his teeth and spitting it back out down the table. At this point the whole room was silent, watching as Daniel finally cracked.

When he noticed everyone was staring, after drinking a healthy amount from the bottle, he let out a sigh and let the champagne run down his beard and onto the front of his shirt, hiccuping.

And without another word he made his way lazily from the dining room and through the kitchen, sipping on the bottle until he made it to the back of the kitchen, pushing open Teresa’s door and tossing his apron at things at her, watching as they bounced off her and onto the floor.

“What the he-”

“I quit,” Daniel said, cutting her off. When she looked at him confused, and of course pissed like always, he could only smile and brave it, “I quit. Don’t bother docking me because I’m not coming back. Better yet, don’t even bother paying me today,” He looked down at the champagne bottle and waved it at her, “Consider this my tip.”

And before she could get another word out, he turned and headed out of her office, smirking to himself as he listened to her scream for him to get back as he left the restaurant, heading through the filled parking lot, and back to his apartment.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

After dinner that night, alone in your study like most, you attempted to work on your laptop, going through emails in hopes of maybe finding something that was worth your wild. To your avail, however, nothing jumped out at you.

It was all the same - the coupons from the candle store you liked, the newspaper from your hometown you still followed, and the countless number of spam emails that seemed to always flood your inbox.

Slamming your laptop shut, you let out a huff and fell back into your seat, looking around your office. Your hands found your face and you ran them up and down, groaning before letting your body go slack, arms draped over the arm rests as you twisted side to side in your chair.

For such a busy woman, life often felt lonely to you. Living in your great-aunt’s old manor didn’t help either. The ghosts of those who lived before you seemed to be the only friends you had.

That, and the animals you had out back.

Pushing yourself up from your chair, you made your way out of the office and down the hall, going down the grand staircase. Your slippers scuffed across the floor as you made your way through the hall and into the breakfast nook, opening the door that led outside into the backyard. You had quite a few animals - the acres in your backyard reserved strictly for the farm animals that your great-aunt had before she passed.

Vee suggested that you send them off to someone else, seeing as though you were a busy woman who didn’t need the extra stress of animals. But you couldn’t do that to them, this was their home, more of their home than your own. You made it work, getting up early to feed them and take care of them before work that day and then spending evenings, like tonight, with them.

Opening the gate that secured the perimeter for them, so they wouldn’t wander outside of their area and onto the road to get hit, making your way into the fenced area. Most of the animals were already tucked away for bed, the occasional moo from one of the cows echoing across the hills. You didn’t mind though, sometimes coming in was more for you than it was for them. It helped get your mind off things.

Sitting on the stool you kept out for milking the cows, you rested your elbows on your knees, your chin on your hands. You knew it was rather ridiculous to be sulking so much - being such a successful aspiring artist with a manor and so much that many didn’t - but what nobody seemed to realize was how lonely you were. God, did you know it - you reminded yourself everyday.

But it wasn’t that you were appreciative of all that you had, no, you were more than thankful - but everyone had their one wish in life, and yours - still to this day even after everything, was that by some miracle Daniel would come back, that he would show up at your door on his hands and knees to beg for your forgiveness.

Vee reminded you daily that your dream wasn’t good for you.

“If he loved you as much as you like to say he did...why isn’t he here now? Why has he been gone for the last decade and a half? That doesn’t seem like the man who deserves you, let alone crying over.”

She was right though - he wasn’t worth your time of day.

Letting out a sigh, you wiped away the stray tears before the ‘baah’ from one of the goats made you jump, turning back to see one of the babies prancing your way, a smile growing on your face. It was late, and the mischievous goat should have been sleeping.

“And what are you doing up?” You scolded playfully, much like a mother would to their own child. You watched the baby goat sprint at you the last few feet, butting it’s head into your leg before pawing at the ground to get your attention, wanting to be lifted.

“Oh come here,” Bending down, you lifted up the baby goat and held them in your arms, watching as they got comfortable before tucking their head in the crook of your arm. “Which one are you, hmm?”

Twisting the collar your way, you looked at the name tag and smiled.

“Marlene, hello there sweet girl. What are you still doing awake? I believe it’s past your bedtime.” You heard the muffled ‘baah’ from under your arm and stroked her back, keeping her held in your arms while you enjoyed the moment.

Rocking her gently, you listened as she soon lulled into a sleep, your own head bobbing slightly as you grew tired yourself. Leaning back against the fence pole, you let out a yawn, adjusting so the wood wasn’t digging directly into your spine before your petting slowed.

“Just a minute...I’ll put you up in just a minute.” You whispered, your head falling back as you entered your sudden slumber.

Although your minute became minutes, then hours, until you woke to the erupting sounds of all the animals around you, growing impatient for breakfast. Groaning, you sat up, your back painfully stiff as you cracked your eyes open, looking around to see the animals eyeing you, running rampant as they waited for their food.

“Shit!” You hissed, standing up, stumbling as you lost balance before rushing around to get everyone fed for the day. God, did you really fall asleep out here? How tired were you? You must have been rather tired, seeing as though you slept on a stool propped against the fence post all night.

Thankfully though it didn’t take long, doing your regular morning chores until you were finally able to head back inside, or rather trudging back inside. Your body was painfully sore and while you slept a while, it was a rather shit sleep.

When you made it through the breakfast nook, into the hallway to go back into your room, you stopped at the sight of Vee who was coming down the stairs, looking for you.

“There you are! I looked everywhere for you, did you forget that we were supposed to meet with some of the other museum directors tod-” She paused, nose turning and she sniffled the air, “What is that smell?”

“Me, probably,” You stated, watching as Vee looked at you confused, before you motioned behind you, “I fell asleep out back last night...just woke up actually. I’m sorry, I’ll go get ready an-”

But before you could leave and go get ready for the day, Vee held out her hand, stopping you before pulling out her phone, texting with one hand while you waited patiently, swaying slightly as you still woke up. When you heard the noise from her phone signaling she had sent a text to someone, she lowered her hand and smiled.

“Vee, you didn’t have to do that. I’m sorry I-”

“Please, look at you. Better yet, smell yourself. You reek! Go take a shower and come back down. I’m craving a mimosa. You and I will get breakfast together, think you need a break from all the museum directors breathing down your neck.”

You could only smile, nodding towards Vee before going in for a hug, stopping suddenly when she took a step back. “After your shower. I’m not letting you stink me up too.”

Letting out a laugh, you shook your head and made your way up the stairs, throwing your clothes off and into your laundry basket before heading into your bathroom to take a quick shower for the day.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

As much as yesterday was odd for Daniel, the new day had been even more odd. He wasn’t expecting much - maybe a phone call from his boss about his outburst yesterday - in fact, Daniel might have rather had that, then what he had been going through all morning.

“So let me get this straight...you want me to take your grandfather to the art gallery? I don’t see why you can’t just do it, Will.” Daniel explained, standing near his t.v. stand while Will, the kid from the restaurant, sat on his couch beside his grandfather, and Kali, the other girl from the restaurant, sat on his other side.

It would take a bigger idiot than Daniel to believe the mask he was wearing. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to give the man a ride and earn a few extra bucks, given how he was now out of a job, he just wasn’t ready to face you again.

“I got school. Remember? I’m only in high school still. Kali can’t cause she doesn’t have her license yet,” Will explained, shrugging his shoulders before motioning to his grandfather, who looked to be falling asleep, “Besides...he wants to go see an old student - that old student just so happens to be the girl you’re still obviously in love with-”

“Hey now, Will, I appreciate it...but I’m not still in love with her. That’s in the past, and I’ve moved on.” But had he? Had he really moved on?

Frowning, Will nodded and looked down, Kali glancing towards him before standing up, making her way to Daniel. Grabbing onto his arm, Kali smiled weakly at Daniel.

“Maybe if you don’t wanna go and see her, just go to appreciate the art? Who knows, maybe there will be a story there worth writing about? This could be your big break!” Kali suggested, trying to convince Daniel in any way she could to go. “Besides...you’re out of a job now, what exactly are you doing that’s keeping you from going?”

Opening his mouth, Daniel went to say something before realizing what the kids were doing - they were trying to help him out, cause after all...teenagers seemed to know more than he did.

Kali was right, even if he went and didn’t run into you, there could be a potential story there, something he could write about. That, and Daniel did always get along well with his high school art teacher, so maybe this wouldn’t be all that bad? It’d be good for him to get out of town.

Sighing, Daniel looked at Kali one last time before back at Will, then his grandfather who was now snoring on his couch, “Fine...I’ll take him. But if you guys are trying to set something up, you’re wasting your time. That’s in the past-”

He was surprised to feel the sets of arms wrap around him in a hug. Laughing lightly, Daniel awkwardly patted Kali and Will’s back. “Guys...come on now, you offer a bum cash and it’s going to take a lot for him to refuse.”

Feeling Kali pinch his side, Daniel jumped back, yelping before watching the two laugh now, Will’s grandfather now waking up and looking around, as if he were trying to figure out where he was at. Okay, so maybe taking care of him wouldn’t be all that fun, but it couldn’t be all that bad? Right?

“So, when do we leave?” Daniel asked, watching Will and Kali help his grandfather up before making their way to the door.

“Tomorrow morning. If you leave at six, you’ll get there by four - give or take traffic - we already have your room booked so you just have to check in once you get there.” Will explained, opening the front door to begin heading down the steps and outside.

Following the trio, Daniel helped in any way he could with getting the old man down the steps, making sure he didn’t slip and fall. When they finally got outside and loaded him into the passenger seat of the car, Daniel took a step back, eyes furrowed.

“Wait...six in the morning? Jesus...I haven’t got up that early since-”

“Since the Christmas banquet breakfast that you were late for, yes, we know,” Kali stated, shutting the passenger door before turning to look back up at Daniel, “Just...wake up on time. Will and I will be over here just about that time on our way to school. So just be ready, okay?”

Nodding, Daniel let out a huff and pushed his hair back, “Yeah, yeah, I can do that...you know I’m the adult here, right? You guys really like to boss me around, huh?” When he felt Kali hug him again, he could only soften, hugging her back. “I’ll be up, just - don’t expect a whole lot out of me on this. I’m getting him there and back, that’s it.”

“Totally, and if you so happen to fall back in love with the girl you can’t seem to get over, then that’s all the better.” Will noted, helping Kali in the backseat before getting in the car himself.

Shaking his head, Daniel made his way to the left side of the car, looking at Will and Kali, “Hey, how did you guys even find out about her? I mean...I’ve never brought her up before.”

“Well after yesterday’s incident, Kali and I looked her up and found some old photos of you guys from high school. I knew you went to our school so I asked my grandfather about you guys and, well, he told us the rest. It was Kali who suggested you go.” Will explained, motioning to the backseat towards Kali who was grinning.

Kali was a sweet girl, who was maybe a little too obsessed with love stories - but Daniel couldn’t deny their obvious findings. Especially after yesterday, they were right to assume some pushed down feelings of his.

Daniel could only hope that if he got the courage, he’d be able to tell you how he felt, how sorry he was after all these years. But after all these years, would you even want to hear what he had to say?

[hazelcephalopod]

The Eye of the World Ch 52-53

Oof. That… that is certainly a conclusion. Huh. Just. Rough times ahead.

More thoughts at the very end.

And I’m finished! I will edit this with the book two tag when I’ve decide what that will be.

Re-Edit: the tag will be #series of many thoughts on twot

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show this far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first book and up to the most recent episode under the cut. Potential spoilers for latter books.

Ch 52: There is Neither Beginning Nor End

Leaf

Oh. He disintegrated and melted that guy.

Oh that… just a lot

Oh so… yea. He just basically went into like a dissociative state and wrecked shit up. And now channeling sickness

… and probably the madness huh?

Yup. That’s an altered state if I’ve ever seen one

Mania? Seems like mania (editor me: Idk. Just not a good time)

Do these people have like… a holy book with all these quotes or like… is it just the ol’ folk religion?

He’s really riding that ‘I just killed the devil high’

…tbh I hope we get some of this on the show.

… and … crash

That’s. Geez guys. Wow. Harsh.

…and Nynaeve is the first to kinda reject him. So that’s harsh

“But it wasn’t me. The Light… pulled me along. It wasn’t really me. Doesn’t that make a difference.” -Rand, after explaining all the magic he just did.

… no. Sry.

Ah

Ohhh and sadness. Dropping right into the sadness

I… don’t… wow. Maybe don’t say that to him rn? ‘Yea you might be a tool of destruction. But it’s ok to be used for your purpose. Why are you crying?’

“Moiraine Sedai says we are done and we can go. Home. Rand.” -Perrin to Rand. Not knowing Rand’s the one who just channeled a lake of saidin. Yikes. Big oof

Oh that is such the bare minimum. But good on you Lan. You win the… reacting to this. Prize for the hour at least.

Yea this is a bit fucking weird. ‘Oh where we’re you Rand. The women wouldn’t let us search for you. You know the channelers and they looked distant and sad. Probably nothing.’

… I mean at least Loial isn’t human. Like. I’ll give on that.

Ta’veren I guess? *big shrug*

Oh. Cuendillar! (It’s basically magic super vibranium)

“This was one of the seven seals on the Dark One’s prison.” -Moiraine, on the cuendillar artifacts they found in the eye. I don’t like ‘was’.

Oh buddy…

Puzzle chest!

I’m sry is that the flaming Horn of Velere? In a chest in the Eyepool?

What the fuck?

Also… “Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin. The grave is no bar to my call.” -Loial reading the writing on the horn.

It… brings back the dead? Sry dead heroes of the ages.

Cool. Ancient tapestries.

… Im sure it’s cool.

That’s not reassuring! (I later learn it really really isn’t)

53: The Wheel Turns

The wheel of time symbol.

Uhh well that’s nice I guess?

Ya know I don’t think it’s still for a good reason personally

Mmm. That is a very vivid description of all that. *sus*

“We struck a mighty blow at the Dark One…” -Moiraine. Did you tho? I guess they killed some forsaken.

Huh. Well I guess they did something if spring is finally coming. Like three months late

Yea I guess everyone saw that then huh?

“The Age of Legends has come back!” -random. I mean…

“…hung a garland of morningstars around Rand’s neck.”

Don’t wry dude there’ll be plenty more opportunities for you to do battle. Unfortunately for everyone else

I honestly keep forgetting Moiraine is supposed to be grievously injured and exhausted rn

“We won… but I fear the last battle he has not yet been fought.” -Moiraine to Agelmar. Yup. There’s the truth.

‘Ok I’ll take that help now thnx. No you can’t keep the horn. Sry!’

… I feel a cliffhanger coming. This is all strangely neat. To clean

Seven days?

Oh sword training!

… so he’s don’t like three weeks of basic sword training in the past ~2 months? At best?

Oh! So he’s already decided to run away. Ok. That makes sense actually

Ha. Yea. Pretty sure no one ever has succeeded at doing that. No one can resist the Source for long

“I’m going away, but not home. Not ever home.” -Rand to Egwene after telling her he’s decided to leave. My heart!

Just deep into the depression now.

“… as a girl in the Royal Palace in Cairhien…” -(Moiraine). Uh I think that’s the first mention of that! Royal palace?

So she is in fact actually royalty?

“The Dragon is Reborn.” -Moiraine to herself.

The end!

Final thoughts:

… I think the show ending is better. Like this had merit and some interesting moments but really it’s just not even a cliffhanger or and ending it’s just. Ok. Well, stay tuned!

Which I will. Obviously. Overall I liked this book.

The parts I liked would be difficult to translate to the screen, and the story the show is telling -which is a bit different but in essence the same imo.

It’s right into the fires of sadness now isn’t it?

Also honestly… the horn makes as much sense being under that throne as it did being in the Eye imo. Like. That does not matter. Equally ridiculous imho.

[lvlywook]

⭒ENHYPEN reaction⭒

to: you being on your period

tags: gender neutral reader, boyfriend!enhypen, best friend!enhypen

tw: none

let's say you slept over at your boyfriend's/best friend's/whateveryouwantthemtobe's dorm and got your period. you have really bad cramps and also managed to stain his bed a bit. so you walk into the living room where everyone else is enjoying their breakfast, you pull him aside, and tell him the problem at hand while looking visibly uncomfortable about the whole thing. how would your boy react?

i really tried to write it gender neutral but please forgive me if I made a mistake anywhere :( I'm pretty tired so idk how many mistakes I didn't notice

everything is under the cut!

h e e s e u n g

wide eyes

"t-that's okay!"

he'd be a bit panicked cause he doesn't fully know what to do but I think he'd come up with the right stuff

you'd walk into the bedroom to get more privacy and first thing first he'd ask you if you're feeling well and if you need anything

if you do he won't hesitate to get it for you

no matter what it is

if it's like pads or tampons he'll probably call his manager to get it for you since well he's an idol

if you're in a lot of pain he'll run into the kitchen to get you some painkillers

then he'll change the sheets and give you some clothes to change into

once that's done he'll force you to relax somehow

whether it'd be laying down, sitting on the bed, or him giving you a massage

overall I don't think he'd know much but he'd try his best to help you with whatever he can

j a y

(he looks so good here I can't-)

"oh"

pretty chill

idk why but I get a feeling he'd know what to do

he'd grab your hand gently and lead you to their bedroom, then he'd pull out some of his older clothes (a hoodie and some sweats) and help you change

he'd get you some pads/tampons and painkillers just in case you need them

after that he'd take care of the sheets and then bring you some snacks

i don't have anything else to add

he'd just know what to do and would handle the situation well

i have a feeling he'd have like a bag full of snacks and pads and tampons and stuff just in case something like this happens

best boy :(

j a k e

*soft smile* "that's okay you don't have to be embarassed, it can happen sometimes"

he'd get you whatever you need

pads/tampons

a hoodie

chocolate or some other snacks

and then he'd make you sit in the living room while he figures everything else out

he'd be really calm about the whole situation

and after the sheets are changed and everything he'd lift you up and carry you into the bedroom

then he'd lay there with you and hug you, hoping it would ease the pain

occasionally he'd ask if you don't want a painkiller or something but I think the hugs and cuddles would make it better on their own

s u n g h o o n

*hug*

he has a younger sister so I think he'd know the most out of everyone (sunoo too) (edit: jungwon and ni-ki each have a sister too!!)

his immediate reaction is to hug you (if you're comfortable with that) since hugs make everything a little better

then he'd get you everything you need and help you change the sheets

he'd probably ask if you wanted him to run you a bath

and then everything would go based off of your response

if you'd say yes, he'd run you a bath (bubbles and sweet scents and everything, just kinda extra) and then he'd sit with you in the bathroom and talk with you, later he'd help you wash your hair

or if you're not comfortable with that, he'd be in the kitchen fixing you something to eat

if you'd say no, he'd get you something sweet to eat and wouldn't let go of your hand for the rest of the day

might even try to take the day off just so he can be there for you if you need him

s u n o o

"why do you look so embarassed!! it's okay! c'mon!"

really annoyed if he sees even a tiny bit of embarassment on your face

cause he genuinely believes there's nothing to be embarassed about

he's one of the younger members

but he does have an older sister

so i think he'd know what to do

so he'd change the sheets and get you everything you need

he'd let you borrow his clothes and would not be able to stop gushing over how cute you look

he'd compliment you so much for the rest of the day :(

"wah you're such a beautiful human being"

"you know how beautiful you are, right? or do I need to remind you again?"

"always remember you're super adorable and ddeonu loves you!!"

he'd do aegyo to cheer you up too

and you'd receive so many hugs :(

j u n g w o n

clueless

"so...you bled on the sheets...in your sleep...?"

eventually shrugs it off and tries to help

"that's okay I guess. the sheets can always be changed and washed, the clothes too."

"just don't worry too much about it"

"tell me if you need anything"

"I'll call manager-hyung if you need anything from the store"

"oh you need something to change into? that's fine, here are some of my clothes"

"you want a hug? come here"

i have a feeling his hugs are just the best

he has pretty broad shoulder so I think that would make his hugs so much better

overall I don't think he'd make a big deal out of it

he probably just wouldn't know what to do at first but if you tell him he'll sort everything out

n i - k i

clueless #2

"...okay?"

"what can I do to help?"

needs to be told what to do

but is willing to do whatever you tell him

probably approaches the hyungs too

and doesn't care if you're embarassed

in his eyes there's nothing to be embarassed about

so he just flat out asks them

and they're all staring at him like

(ʘ_ʘ?)

and then one of them breaks the silence and tells him what to do

so he helps you first

gets you new clothes to change into and whatever else you need or want

and the hyungs would help with the sheets and bedding and stuff

and while that's going on he'd be doing whatever you'd want him to do

if you want a hug he's got you

need something to drink? he's already back with a glass of water/your favourite drink

even though he's passed off as the member who just couldn't care less he cares a lot about you so he'd try is best to help you feel better :(

he'd probably put your legs in his lap and play with your hands while softly talking about something like his schedules or dance practice or something, hoping it would calm you down enough for the pain to go away

a/n: this is the completely first time I tried writing a reaction so I'm sorry if it's bad!! also idk if I want to post this or not but considering I just recently got my monthly subscription to satan i wanted to make myself feel better :)

[ahsbitch]

The Grey-Outpost!Michael Langdon x Reader

Word Count: 5143

Summary: So I got this message for my prompts and it was supposed to just be a blurb like the others but it was already getting way too long and then I realized it would fit really well with a oneshot idea I had a month or two ago sooo here we are

Warnings: so many, nsfw, smut, virginity loss, first time, first orgasm, actually first three lmao, fingering, choking, Mean!Michael, slapping, overstimulation, emotional manipulation, brief blowjob, unprotected sex, breeding kink, a little bit of corset kink, some cockwarming bc it’s me, very Sub!Reader, also overly nice reader which probably doesn’t need a warning but I’m putting it anyway, , mentions of violence, some waxing poetic bc again that’s just me, floor licking, some?underwear stuff? Idk man, did I mention swearing bc that’s here too, idk, that’s all I can think of but my brain is not entirely focused so if I missed something I’m sorry

A/N: I’m sorry I’m like this but I hope it’s okay. Comments are always appreciated! Even just in the tags of a reblog! Or a message! Or anything! Hearing your reactions makes me feel so good!

Mini Tag List: @wroteclassicaly​ @michaellangdonstanaccount​ @guiltyfiend​

@angelicmichael​

(i actually don’t remember if all of you asked to be tagged in stuff or not so if you didn’t i’m really sorry i just thought i’d put a few people, if you want me to...Not tag you in stuff that’s totally cool and i totally get it just let me know, if you do want me to tag you in stuff also let me know on that front) 

You confused Michael Langdon. 

It wasn’t intentional, he was sure, but he was not used to being confused by the behavior of humans.

You also annoyed him, although that was less surprising. 

Most people annoyed him. 

But you annoyed him for the same reason that you confused him, and that just made him all the more confused and annoyed and annoyed and confused. 

How the hell were you so nice? 

You treated everyone who crossed your path with such kindness, even though most of them treated you like you were dog shit on the bottom of their shoe. And you simply...smiled? Nodded? Did as they said, if they gave an order, or ignored them if it was just words. 

He had never even seen you complain about your servant status, never seen you look at the drab grey of your dress with even an ounce of disdain. 

He’d taken to reading your thoughts, even more than he did with the others, trying to find the cruelty hidden inside you. 

Once, one of the Purples whose name Michael hadn’t bothered to learn had walked into a ladder that you were standing on for some job or another, and you had fallen to the ground, landing hard on your back. The Purple had cursed at you for getting in his way, and you apologized instantly. 

What an asshole, You had thought, and Michael had started to get excited, but a moment later you had shaken your head at yourself, and your thoughts continued, No, Y/N, don’t be unfair. They live a different type of life here. It’s not his fault that he sees me like this at this point, he’s practically been indoctrinated.

What utter bullshit that was, and yet you’d seemed completely contented with that thought, climbing back onto the ladder to finish your task. 

Another time he had walked in on you being beaten while Venable watching, smirking. He had simply stared for a while, watching the way you took your blows. 

“What’s going on?” Michael had asked, blood boiling at Venable’s smug expression. 

“A reminder. She’s been a bit slow in her work lately. Distracted, I think, with your proposal of paradise. She needed to remember her place.” 

He had nodded, turning back to observe you, listening for your reaction to those words. 

I haven’t been slower, though. She’s just been angrier. Poor Ms. Venable, she must be scared. I wish she wouldn’t take it out on me, Your stream of thought had paused as you let out a cry of pain, But I hope that she’ll find some type of peace. 

In interviews, Michael had started to ask about you. 

“She’s nice,” Gallant had said rather dismissively, “That’s about it. Not memorable. I don’t think anyone would miss her.” 

“She helps everyone finish their work, even though she has her own,” Another Grey had said, tilting his head to the side in thought, “I saw her take a beating in Mallory’s place once for a broken lamp. I don’t think that’s the only time she’s done that, either. She’s a little too sweet, almost. It can’t be real, can it?”

That was Michael’s thought too, but you were that sweet, or so it seemed. 

He’d begun instructing everyone during their interviews to either completely ignore you or be cruel to you, to treat you with extra disdain, to not bother with respect. He’d told Purples and Greys alike, had watched out to see them following his orders. They were doing it, and you were slowly becoming more and more alone,and yet you never so much as thought anything cruel in return. From time to time, a nasty thought would pop into your head, but you always brushed it away almost instantly, scolding yourself into something overly forgiving of their behavior. Still, you were lonelier than ever, and that meant that it would be all the easier to draw you to him. 

Your interview was the last one that was scheduled, and with every moment that led up to it he found himself getting more and more ready to break you down, and every time he thought of that he found his cock getting harder and harder. 

He was going to ruin you, in more ways than one. 

And then the interview had started, you sitting in your chair with your hands folded neatly in your lap, steadfastly avoiding eye contact with him, a polite smile on your face, and something had snapped deep inside him. 

He wasn’t sure what did it. Maybe it was your answer to why you should be taken to the Sanctuary. 

“I don’t know that I should,” You’d said simply, your damned respectful smile never wavering, “I mean, it would be nice. But I’m not particularly special, right? And if the Sanctuary is meant to be people carrying on the human race, shouldn’t it be the people who are going to make the biggest difference? I know you said that what I thought i was weakness could be my saving, and I get that, I just don’t know if I have any particular weaknesses or any particular saving graces. If you need someone to wash floors or cook in the Sanctuary, then yeah, I’m pretty good at those things. You might want me. But I don’t know that I have any particular talents or powers that would make me more useful than anyone else.” 

Maybe it was what you had said when he’d asked about your anger, about whether or not you would get revenge on any of the others for the way they’d treated you, if you got the chance.

You shrugged, taking a few moments to think about your answer before you spoke, “No. I don’t blame them for it, not really. The world ended. The fact that any of us are alive is strange enough as it is. Them being cruel is probably more of a defense mechanism than anything else. I wish they wouldn’t use me for their anger, or their disdain, or their sadness, I kinda wish they’d just leave me alone sometimes, but I wouldn’t want to get revenge even if I got the chance. I don’t think they deserve to be treated badly, even if they’ve treated me badly.” 

But most likely, it had been your answer when he’d asked what exactly you were thinking about right in that moment. 

“The end of the world, Mr. Langdon, sir,” Your smile finally dropped for just a moment, your embarrassment evident, “And your eyes. They’re very beautiful. I was thinking that heaven probably isn’t real, but if it is, it probably looks something like your eyes. But of course it’s much more likely that hell is real, based on recent events, in which case it probably looks something like the world we live in right now.” 

Michael had stood, instructing you to do the same, and within moments his lips were on yours. 

Yes, he was going to ruin you in every way possible. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was so totally not how you had planned for your interview to go. 

Was it how Langdon had planned for it to go? Maybe. You wondered vacantly if this had happened with all of his other interviews, if all of them had found themselves lying on the floor, pinned underneath him, feeling him hungrily devouring their mouths in perhaps the best kiss that anyone had ever experienced. 

He trailed kisses down to your throat, hot, open mouthed, that you felt even though they were over the high collar of your dress, and he bit down hard, sucking harshly through the fabric. 

“Fuck!” You groaned out, feeling your skin go hot with embarrassment over the noises you were making. 

“Don’t hold back, pet,” He moved his mouth to your ear, kissing the spot just behind your earlobe as he murmured, “You make the most delightful little noises.” 

This served only to embarrass you more, and you chewed on the inside of your cheek to try and hide the moans that threatened to spill from you. 

Langdon’s hand made its way to your neck, squeezing at it as he pulled your head up closer to his, and you let out a pained whine at the pressure his palm put onto the sore spot he had just left on your throat, “Did you not hear me? Don’t hold back. I expect you to follow my orders. I’d think you’d be used to that by now.” 

“I’m sorry, sir,” You let out a strangled cry, and with a sharp smile he finally released you, letting your head drop back against the floor. 

“Next time you don’t listen to me, you will be,” He chuckled at your terrified expression, but after a moment he froze, raising a curious eyebrow at you, “What are you thinking about right now?” 

You weren’t naive enough to think that he actually cared about how you were feeling, but you answered anyway, scared of what may happen if you didn’t, “Honestly? I’m trying to decide if I’m more likely to be murdered by you or by Ms. Venable.” 

Langdon laughed again, moving off of you and leaning against the wall. He looked oddly comfortable like that, although you wouldn’t be surprised if his outfit cost more than the entire Outpost, and with a wolfish grin he patted his lap gently. 

You frowned, unsure of what that meant, but Langdon simply rolled his eyes and wrapped a hand around your wrist, tugging you into his lap. 

This was… odd.

After a moment, he gripped both of your wrists, raising your arms up and placing them on his shoulders, and you locked your fingers around the back of his neck, staring dumbly at him as you did so. 

His legs extended straight out, but he held you steady in his lap, arm wrapped your hips, your own legs perpendicular to his. 

This was very odd. 

“Now tell me,” It was interesting, the way Langdon’s words sounded more like a purr, “Why do you think that I would kill you?” 

Shyly you dropped your gaze, but then his hand was under your chin, lifting until you looked him in the eye, and you shrugged, “I mean… you said you would. It was like the first thing you told me when I came in. That if I lied or hedged or anything like that you’d...y’know...obliterate me.” 

“And have you lied to me?” His voice was sharp now, his eyes dangerous, although something playful still danced around the edges of his lips. 

“No!” You flinched, prepared for him to hit you even though he made no movement to do so, and after a minute, after you’d realized that no strike was coming, you blinked at him, “I, uh, no, sir. But you’re, well, forgive me for saying so, Mr. Langdon, but you’re very intimidating.” 

He was frowning now, just a little, and you probably wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t been so fascinated by his mouth, “I’m glad you find me intimidating. I’d be a bit concerned for your sanity if you didn’t. But I have no plans at the moment to kill you, and as long as you keep telling me the truth like this, I doubt it’ll arise. Now, why would Venable kill you?” 

“She’s strict about her rules,” You felt your face heating up again, “No sexual contact of any kind. And we, y’know, we kissed. If she finds out, well, she’d even kill a Purple for breaking the rules so explicitly like that. She’d kill a Grey for a lot less.” 

“And we’ll be doing a lot more,” Langdon’s smooth voice echoed in your ears, and you shivered slightly at the insinuation, “Venable will not touch you.”

“Why not?” Your curiosity got the better of you, and you asked before you could think about the fact that it was probably a bad idea. 

Luckily, Langdon did nothing more than chuckle at you again, shifting slightly underneath you, “Because if anyone here is going to harm you, pet, it’s going to be me.” 

For some reason, his words made you clench your thighs, and you swallowed to avoid letting out a whine. 

“Yes sir,” You said softly, and then, when he’d started pressing kisses along your jaw, “There’s one more thing.” 

“And what would that be?” 

Clearing your throat, you fought to keep holding eye contact with him, “I don’t, I mean, I don’t want to be one of those people who fucks someone to get something. I don’t want to sleep with you just in hopes of going to the Sanctuary, especially because you could easily say you’re going to take me until after we’re done and then tell me you’ve changed your mind or something. I don’t want that. I’d rather you just... tell me the truth now.” 

“Alright,” Sighing, Langdon straightened up a little, shifting beneath you again so that you suddenly became aware of his erection pressing into you, “You’re not going to the Sanctuary, Y/N. Not even if we fuck. And we are going to fuck, you understand that, right?” 

“Yes sir,” You felt your gaze drop to his lips once more, “I understand. The Sanctuary thing and the fucking thing. May I please kiss you again?” 

“Not only may you do so, but I insist that you do,” His voice was cold now, but one look into his eyes showed you that he was pleased about this, and you frantically brought your mouth to his. 

Langdon slammed you back to the ground, and your head cracked loudly against the marble floor, making you feel a bit dizzy, and then his fingers found their way between the buttons of your dress and he pulled sharply, ripping it in half, and that made you feel even dizzier.

Holy fuck, how strong was he? 

“Lovely,” He murmured, his mouth running over your collarbones and up the curves of your neck, sucking dark bruises onto your skin as he went, “Don’t forget what I told you. I want to hear every single one of your sounds, understood?”

“Yes sir,” Your hands made their way to his hair almost of their own accord as he continued on, mouth drifting down to swirl over your covered nipples. 

“Turn around,” Langdon commanded, and he hummed his approval when you followed his instructions in merely a moment, kneeling before him but facing the wall. 

His long fingers made their way to the ties of your corset, beginning to work on the knot, and he frowned, “This is tied very tightly, pet. Doesn’t it hurt?” 

“I had Mallory tie it extra tightly for me, so I would have something to focus on other than my nerves for the interview,” You let out a hiss of relief as the corset came untied, “It wouldn’t hurt much, but you’re supposed to wear something under a corset, and Ms. Venable doesn’t give the Greys anything to wear under our corsets because she says our comfort isn’t a priority. So it kinda digs into my-ow, fuck, my skin.”

Your cry of distress had come when Langdon’s hands had pressed hard into the red marks that marred your back from your corset. 

“It really has done a number on you,” He helped you unclasp the front of your corset and slip it off, before bringing his hands to your hips, “Get on all fours.” 

You did as he said, unsure of why exactly he was asking you to do so, but you understood a moment later when the wet warmth of his tongue began to stroke along your spine. He licked along each mark that had been left behind, leaving a trail of coolness to follow, and although it stung with each moment of contact, it left some relief as he went. You mewled at the feeling, back arching towards him, desperate for more. 

“Feel better?” He purred, now drawing his nose around your spine.

“Yes,” You sighed pleasantly, “Thank-fuck!”

Langdon had shifted his arms so that one ran under your stomach, holding you in place, and with the other he brought his palm down on your back with all his strength. 

Tears were starting to spill from your eyes, leaving a puddle on the floor as he struck you four more times in quick, painful succession. 

“Aw, does it hurt, pet?” He was cooing at you, voice light and mocking, “Look at you. You’ve made a mess on my floor. Clean that up for me, yes?” 

Unsure of what that meant, you tried to look back at him to ask, but Langdon wrapped his hand around your neck and forced your head to the floor, his entire body pressed against yours, “Clean it up.” 

Hesitantly, you reached your tongue out to the floor, scooping the salty moisture up carefully. The pressure on your throat lightened up so that you could breathe more easily, but he didn’t remove his hand, and you frantically licked the rest of your tears off of the floor. 

Letting you sit up, he smirked at your shy smile, examining the floor carefully before praising you, “Wonderful job, pet. But it appears that the mess on the floor isn’t your only one. You seem to have made quite a mess down here as well.”

With that his hand cupped your pussy over your panties, which had become thoroughly soaked through. He pulled them down slowly, a rumble rolling past his lips at the sound the fabric made as it tried to cling to your damp flesh. He gave a tug and ripped them off of your thighs, bringing the shredded remains up to his face to examine it closely. Staring into your eyes, he poked his tongue out of his mouth and brought it to the fabric, laving slowly over the wetness that coated it. You moaned loudly at the sight, squeezing your thighs together. 

When Langdon was satisfied that he had gotten every drop of your essence off of the scraps of your underwear he tossed them carelessly in the direction of his desk, and then his tongue was on you once again, this time drawing painfully slow stripes from your knee up your inner thigh, ending just at your hip bone. 

“Did you like watching me?” There was amusement in his voice, a kind of mirth that could almost be mistaken for warmth, as he licked closer and closer to where you wanted him most, never deigning to touch you there, “Did it make you even more wet for me? Do you want me to eat your pretty little pussy until you can’t walk? Want me to let you drench my face?” 

“Please, yes, please!” You keened towards him and Langdon clamped his hands onto your thighs to hold you in place, bringing his thumbs down to spread your pussy lips open. There was something so intimately dirty about it that you let out another long moan, his breath fanning hot air against your folds, “Langdon, please, I’ll do anything you ask.”

He scoffed, nuzzling his nose over your entrance, “You’d do anything I asked anyway. But I will say, you have just about the sweetest pussy I’ve ever seen. And you smell divine, pet.” 

Whimpering, you tried to rut up to his mouth, wanting so badly to feel him against you, “Please, sir, Langdon, please, what do I have to do for you to touch me?” 

At those words, Langdon moved away from you completely, now not even letting his fingers drift over your skin, “Was I not touching you before? You’re incredibly ungrateful for someone who I could kill with less than the blink of an eye.” 

“I’m sorry,” You scrabbled to your knees, legs shaking, “I’m sorry, Mr. Langdon, I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. I’m so grateful to you, I am, I’m sorry.” 

“As you should be,” He sneered, but the bulge in his pants looked even larger than it had before, and the corners of his lips twitched up, “You do look very good on your knees for me. I think this is the position you’re meant to be in, the reason you were put on this earth. Why else would you look so lovely like this, look like such a pretty little slut? Open your mouth for me, pet.” 

This is happening. This is actually happening.

Eagerly, you complied, wrenching your mouth as wide open as you could, desperate to please him. Langdon unzipped his dress pants, reaching into his boxers and stroking himself, letting out a deep and rumbly groan as he finally pulled himself out. 

His cock was... beautiful? You hadn’t expected to find it so beautiful. The few dicks you had seen you had mostly found odd, fine enough but not particularly nice to look at, but Langdon’s looked like it had been carved by Michelangelo himself. 

It was also huge, as thick as your wrist and at least as long as your forearm, the tip a throbbing angry crimson. It was veiny, and you would’ve expected that to be strange but it just made it even prettier, an extra long and thick vein running up the side that oddly made your mouth water. 

A fresh wave of desire pulsed through you, but that didn’t stop your worry as he approached you, speaking your anxiety out loud, “Is that... I mean, is that going to fit?” 

Chuckling, Langdon pushed himself into your mouth with no warning, holding the back of your head with one hand as he began an intense, bruising pace, “What’s the matter, little whore? Never been with someone this big?”

That’s one way to put it. 

He froze suddenly, buried down your throat, his pelvic bone pressed against your nose, and slowly he looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, “Wait, you’re a virgin?”

You nodded slowly, and Langdon hissed at the movement, slowly pulling himself away from you, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You didn’t ask,” You shrugged, bringing a hand up to massage your jaw, “I didn’t think it would matter, I’m sorry. Does it change things?” 

Langdon gripped your hair, and he pulled you to your feet and into a bruising kiss all in one swift movement. Then his hands were all over you, stroking your skin fervently as he led you to his chair, sitting down and pulling you into his lap once more. The feeling of his dress pants against your bare skin was sinfully lovely, and you were suddenly aware of how exposed you were, when you could see almost nothing of him. 

After what felt like hours, he pulled away from you, his eyes dancing with something deeply dangerous, a brilliant smile on his face, “Of course it matters, pet I wouldn’t have even considered wasting any of my cum in your mouth if I knew your perfect cunt was untouched, waiting for me.” 

You let out a cry as he grabbed onto your hips tightly, beginning to draw you up and down over his length. His cock pressed into your folds, rubbing your clit, and every time he approached your entrance you gasped, “Holy, oh my, fuck, that feels good, Langdon I-”

“Michael,” He interrupted, moving you faster. 

“What?” You blinked up at him in confusion, and he felt his cock twitch at the sight.

“My name is Michael Langdon,” He pressed a kiss to your neck, beginning to suck a new line of hickeys, “You can call me Michael.” 

“Michael,” You sighed, clenching around nothing as a strange sensation started to boil in your stomach, something so pleasureful that you didn’t know what was happening, “Oh, fuck, Michael, you feel so good, please, can’t you just fuck me?” 

“Oh believe me, I’m going to,” His cock was twitching even more now, your name so perfect from his mouth, “But you have to be ready for it first. Come on, pet, come for me, just like this.” 

You mewled, your fingers digging into his shoulders as the boiling in your stomach became more, became overwhelming, and you squeezed your eyes shut as you let out a desperate shriek. 

“I didn’t, oh fuck, oh god, I didn’t know it would feel that good,” You panted, and Michael raised an eyebrow at you yet again as you buried your face in his shoulder. 

“Have you... have you never had an orgasm before?” 

You shook your head against him, letting out another gasp as one of his fingers started to toy around your entrance, “No, I haven’t. I mean, I thought I might have once, but it was nothing like that.”

“Have you ever had any fingers inside you?” He asked, even as he was already easing a finger into you, giving your walls a single stroke before he pushed two more in. 

“No!” You shrieked, the foreign sensation making you buck your hips wildly, “I, I mean, no, I haven’t.” 

Cock throbbing harder than ever before, Michael began to scissor his fingers around, stretching you out, “Fascinating. My little whore is so inexperienced.”

Moaning at his words, you lurched when his middle finger hit a spot deep inside you that made you see stars, “M-m-Michael, please!”

“M-m-Michael! M-m-Michael!” He mocked you, scooping the hand that wasn’t busy working you open under your ass, shifting out of the seat and lowering you to the ground, his mouth finding its way to your tits, “Wait, pet. Be a patient slut for me and you’ll be rewarded.” 

You nodded as he bit your nipple, toying with it roughly before kissing over to the other side, “Sorry, sorry, oh holy fuck that feels good.” 

Another orgasm was forming deep within you, more mewls leaving your throat as you desperately started to claw at his back, “Michael, fuck, Michael, I’m going to-”

“Good girl,” He purred, pulling his fingers out of you just as you started to cum, and then he slammed his cock into you with no warning, delighting in the bloodcurdling scream that you let out, letting out a guttural moan, “You’re so good for me, aren’t you? Desperate little slut, you were so ready for me to stretch you out, huh?”

“Wait, Michael,” You let out a sob, your cunt pulsing with overstimulation, “Michael, it’s too much, it hurts, please.” 

He was completely bottomed out in you, not moving yet, but he brought both hands up to wrap around your throat, cutting off all of your air, “Now now, pet, that’s no way to thank me for being so kind to you. You’ve cum twice now, haven’t you? And have I gotten to cum even once? No. Now, are you going to be good for me?” 

You nodded fervently, and he released you, leaving you gasping, “Sorry, sorry, Michael. I’m sorry.” 

“Good,” Michael started to pull out of you ever so slowly, moving at a glacial pace until just his tip was inside of you before thrusting in again, filling you up once more, “Oh, you feel good. Your pussy is fluttering all around me. But I should tell you, Y/N, I lied to you.” 

You let out another shaky sob as he hooked his hands under your knees and stretched your legs up, throwing them over his shoulders, continuing his pace of slow drags out followed by impossibly fast thrusts in, your hands scrambling for purchase on the smooth silk that covered his back, “Wh-what? What do you mean?” 

“I told you I wasn’t going to take you to the Sanctuary,” He grunted, his pace getting somehow even slower, in and out both, your slapping skin making loud, lewd noises, “I lied. I am. I’m going to pump you full of my cum, pet, until you’re overflowing with me. I’m going to breed you like the whore you are, and then we’re going to rule over the new world, together.” 

“I don’t understand,” Shrieking again, a whine bubbling out of your throat, you gasped as his hands moved to your tits once more, “Please, Michael, please can you go faster?”

It still hurt, but it was getting better, the pain being overrun with the pleasure. 

Michael complied, slamming into you, setting such a brutal, bruising pace that you were sure you could feel him all the way up in your stomach, “That’s my good little pet. Look at this, your pussy is devouring me. I’m going to wreck you, gonna mold your pussy around my dick so that you know that no one else will ever be able to make you feel good. Your perfect little pussy was made for me, and me alone. You were made for me. Your pussy, your ass, your mouth, these perfect tits,” He gave your breasts a harsh squeeze, running his thumbs over your nipples as you let out another scream, “They’re gonna be full of milk before you know it, filled up for our baby. Do you want to have my baby, pet? Do you want me to breed you? Fill you up? Ruin you for anyone else with my cock?” 

“Yes!” You sobbed, although you were barely conscious of what you were saying, barely even conscious of what he was saying, another orgasm fast approaching, “Michael, please! Fill me up! I need you!”

“Then cum for me,” Growling, he brought his nose down to touch yours, “Squeeze my cock with that tight pussy of yours, finish for me, and accept my seed knowing that you belong to me now, understood?” 

“Yes, yes, yes! Michael, I’m yours, I belong to you, yes!” Your screams were echoing around the room now, but you couldn’t hold back, not when he felt so good, and this time rather than a boiling in your stomach your orgasm felt like an awakening, like you were being reborn. 

You came harder than you knew was possible and Michael quickly followed suit, pumping you full of his thick, hot ropes of cum, more than he had ever cum before, filling you all the way up. 

Whimpering, you sat up, and rather than letting you move away Michael pulled you to his lap and dragged himself to the wall to lean against once again, hushing your mewls with a kiss, “Good girl. That’s my good little pet. I’m gonna stay inside you, okay? Gotta make sure you don’t lose a single drop.”

Nodding, you felt your eyelids start to flutter, your head dropping to his chest, “Yes, Michael. I’m...I’m so tired.”

“I know you are, little one, I know you are. Get some rest now. No one will interrupt us. Rest, my sweet, and have dreams of the future we will build together,” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest, and letting out a happy hum as he felt you already drifting off, and before he did the same he whispered in your ear, “I’m proud of you.”

[bleachbleachbleach]

meme!

I was tagged by @magical-girl-coral for this meme! Thank you!! idk if @ippoddity is going to answer it here or on her personal, but I decided to answer it here, since this is the space/fandom we share. That and some of my answers have to do with Bleach and none of them are about Lightning McQueen, LOL. 

I made a fresh post instead of reblogging the original one because I do not know how to shut up.

--

Favorite color: red, but I wear purple and greens/blues/teals.

Currently reading: I just finished Elizabeth Miki Brina’s memoir, Speak, Okinawa, and around the same time also finished @recurring-polynya’s Portions for Foxes. Speak, Okinawa has a lot going for it that’s really well done, and is about Brina’s life growing up in whitebread part of New Jersey with a military father and an Okinawan mother, and the ways that her and her parents’ lives have been informed not only by World War II and US-Japan relations, but also by Okinawa’s colonial histories at the hands of the US military, Japan, and China. I’ve been reading a lot of Okinawa-related things for work, and I think it will go well with them.

Portions for Foxes is a post-TYBW fic in an alternate timeline where Byakuya dies (DX), and it is absolutely fantastic. It’s Renji POV and is just an exquisite tapestry of multifarious forms of grief and trauma, but is also about moving within and beyond these things, and working through a postwar daily life where you still have to deal with division work (and Leading Division work) and Kuchiki family politics that involve political marriage and strategic pregnancies (but also real love of each other, and real love of the coming baby). If you have not already read it, you are in for a treat if you do.

Last song: Songs That Make You Feel Badass, which is a 19-minute YouTube mix track, hahaha.

Last movie: Technically we watched the new Natsume Yuujinchou movie, if that counts? It was more like a double feature OVA. Outside of stuff like that… Fast 9? Fast 9 was majestic and beautiful in too many ways. I was legit in tears only 10 minutes in, lol. What I love about Fast is that it’s fantastic spectacle even for the casual action-blockbuster-viewer, but if you actually care about the series, all the callbacks and easter eggs reveal that they’re such a careful labor of love. Mind you, absolutely none of that care has anything to do with the dialogue or the plot or the logic. But listen. In the Fast 6 extended cut there’s a scene where Vin Diesel shows Han an orange Camaro and Han replies, "Nice color." And this foreshadows 1) Han’s orange RX-7 in Tokyo Drift, but also Han comes back from the dead in Fast 9 and he’s got another orange car, this time a Supra, which is a model that WAS ALSO REVIVED FROM THE DEAD in the years between Fast 8 and Fast 9, IN THIS ESSAY I WILL—

Last series: Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko, inspired by this gifset that @magical-girl-coral reblogged. (ty!) It’s about this guy who determines that he is living in a BL manga because he keeps witnessing the tropes manifest in his classmates. Initially, he thinks he’s off the hook because he’s boring and plain-looking, and then he reads on the Internet that often the boring guy ends up being the main character of BL series. This sends him into an existential spiral because of how badly he emphatically does not want to be a main character in a BL series, LOL. It’s a very meta, and very much a tongue-in-cheek love letter to the BL genre.

Coffee or tea: Tea >>>>>>>>>>>

Currently working on: A fic whose in utero name was originally "Gotei 13 goes to the ocean" but is now "Gotei 13 goes camping," because it kind of seems like they’re going to spend more time trying to get to the ocean than actually doing anything there. I haven’t decided whether I should change that or not, because on one hand the original inspo for this fic was "where’s the ocean in Soul Society?" but the first scene that came to mind was a shinigami having to bushwhack their way around Mt. Koifushi, and that’s really all I want in life.

The premise is that post-TYBW, Soul Society is in a rush to assert to various other parties who might want to invade them that they are indeed alive, and they won, and no one else should want to invade them. One of these parties is the Western Ocean. The problem is, the last person to have taken on this job of establishing diplomatic terms with the Western Ocean was Kaien, on account of Nejibana and his being from a noble family. But obviously, Kaien died, and apparently did not... leave notes... And if there are notes from any of the people who did this job before him, no one can find them, because far be it from Soul Society to write reports that can ever be referenced again.

Soul Society is basically just like… welp! Rukia is Kaien’s most recent protege, and is also conveniently of a noble family, and ice is ****basically water**** right?? So even though literally no one knows what she’s supposed to do, what lies within the Western Ocean, or who/what she’s even supposed to be negotiating with in the first place, this task becomes Rukia’s problem.

To ease the burden, Soul Society sends Rukia off with what proves to be a very dysfunctional assortment of Captains/VCs, with the intent that such a high-ranking entourage will make it look like Soul Society respects the negotiations and, possibly more importantly, has their shit together. (They do not have their shit together.) And that’s the story of how Akon ends up technically being the mission leader, LOL. 

Other than that, er, the "plot" is that everyone is real sad and kind of fucked up about TYBW. I am not a strong plot-writer, so I dunno how well that’s gonna pan out. But I really wanted to know where the ocean was!

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Oh no I forgot to tag people! Uhhhh I’m not sure who our mutuals even are and of those, who likes memes. O_o @backwardshirt, @ulkoilla, @crysuzumushi, if you’re into it? <3

[lilolilyr]

Tagged by @ongreenergrasses, thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Way over 300! Tho it feels like it's been at 300sth so long by now, it'll be weird to look at once it hits 400 :D

Btw, funny how this tag meme asks for so much stuff that can be looked up by just... looking at my Ao3... without asking for any commentary by me? Lol

Anyhow, rest under the readmore bc this is 20 questions and Long!

Personal post - do not reblog

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

995596 - just a few more ficlets or 1 longer fic, and I've got a Million! Hey, maybe I should try to write one with... 4404? (I'd need to ask a calculator xD) words exactly... not rly a hardship with how many drabble exercises (exact wordcounts, 100 is the most used, I also do 200, 500, longest was 10000 exactly lol) I've already done... we'll see!

Over 400k for this year alone, and over half of that is my actual writing (not translations etc), I'm so proud! Last year I only barely hit 200k and that included a lot of translating work

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  

Again, one could look this up in my works filtered - sorted by kudos? But all three of my incubus!jaskier witcher series are in it, part 2 of the series is highest with 1091 kudos, then a Venom halloween oneshot, and 'Belonging', a fluffy snake-crowley piece from my ineffable spouses series (yes, sth with under 1k words - 666 to be exact - is in the top 5... my poor longfics lol)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

...I try to? But atm I have 202 unanswered (and I always click 'mark read' on replies so these are all comments on my own fic) even tho I told myself I'd not let it get past 200, and now I'm doing a tag meme instead of replying to anything so ummmm

Edit: 203 unread now

But I do love love love all the comments I get! And while atm it's still semi-manageable, if it ever gets to the point where I really can't manage to reply to everyone cause it's too much, i'd rly take that as a compliment lol :D I'd still try to reply to the longer and/or more thought through comments tho :)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*thinks* I have an MCD fic? But not only is that very much a case of ~posting a draft version that's barely in complete sentences insgead of taking the time to turn it into a real longfic~, I also just killed off the mlm couple I only semi care about and left the wlw couple with a happy/hopeful (rly don't remember) ending, so... hm idk whether that counts for angsty ending

Apart from that... I dunno, I just prefer my babies to be happy and fluffy? *.* i remember a mirror milippa in the mirrorverse one where in the end Michael is worried about lying to Philippa about her identity... there are some angsty TOG and Gomens ones but I think they end happy-ish (my memory is. Bad. but looking through my 'angst' tag I just saw a lot of h/c and 'angst with a happy ending')

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They're all happy???!?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ahahahahahhahahaahaha

Check this out

I need you to know that all the works in that collection take part in the same universe (or rather, multiverse), and are alltogether just scratching the surface of my gigantic headcanon multiverse that I've been building in my mind since I was like 10

Actual crossovers other than that I don't remember writing

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh but I only remember clicking 'delete comment', as it should be

Recently I've just gotten a bunch of 'you Need to continue this' and 'omg why isn't there more' or 'this shouldn't end' type comments, not hate, probably not meant maliciously, but So Annoying (maybe espesh bc I don't want to just hit delete on these, but I also don't want to pretend it's fine, but I also don't have the energy for a fight, and trying to explain why that behaviour is entitled and annoying and that I write what I want to write and nice comments should praise what I actually have written, and hoping that they understand and don't get mad is... hard.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Check out my rated E and rated M in my works

Mostly femslash lately, but I did also write other smut in the past

Most is a bit dominant/submissive play, but I do also like good fluffy smut with feelings! Best in combo, really :D

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the sense of pretending someone else wrote it (that i know of), but posted to other sites without my permission - writing 'don't repost to other sites' etc did Not help, they even copied those tags lol, so I just let it be, choosing my battles wisely etcetc, I'd prefer for my fic not to be cross-posted by others bc then I can't edit or otherwise influence the fic anymore and don't see everyone's reactions to it, but as long as it's not someone pretending they wrote it, I only semi care, not enough to fight it tbh

PSA: I Only post fics to Ao3 (and WIPs/prompt fills to tumblr&discord at times), if you see them somewhere else that's Not Me and you'd do me a favour by checking them out on ao3 and kudosing&commenting there instead :)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup, one to Russian a while back, a floreleine (Gunpowder Milkshake) one to Korean just today actually, and I translated a bunch to German myself

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I made a TOG fic together with @cinnamonplums, well mostly I wrote and she made the art :D

Trying to remember whether I ever actually co-wrote anything... don't think so?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't make me choose!!!

Atm Milippa is OTP bc I'm busy writing them for @discoveryfemslashfortnight (this is not a post to reblog for the fortnight), but I'm also still rly into Floreleine, Bering&Wells and Andromaquynh and Andronilynh, and I read a lot of Mirandy lately

All-time favs I'm not rly active in atm but will always be dear to me are the ineffable spouses, clintcoulson, heistwives, gosh so many more I'll stop here tho xD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Heistwives Kinda Job immediately comes to mind

I also rly want to finish at least one cohesive original-ish storyline for the lverse that I already linked for the crossover question above, but I just have so much backstory (it's been over 10 years!!!) and it's... hard...

And everything else that's still WIP and untouched for more than a few months will probably have the same fate lol

Also have a few that haven't even seen the light of day at all, most recent a Mirandy ~what if Andy had been pregnant when Miranda hired her and how would it change the entire storyline~ bit - I wrote it in bulletpoints in one go as quickly as I could, I know I had the finished product in my mind, I don't remember anything now and don't feel like going through the bulletpoints painstakenly filling in the blanks

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing one-shots quickly in one go

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Forgetting everything about a fic if I leave it in a draft for a second too long

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are many ways to go about it, and I think they all work (depending on the fic and the length and relevance of the dialogue)

I tend to leave single sentences as is, and for longer and important sequences use cursive and 'they said in xylanguage'.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hobbit apparently? I remember thinking that fic was so long lol, it's 3k

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Kat/Ana from Reef Break, they have Such Shippable Chemistry, and it would totally fit Kat's player personality to bang both siblings (she's canonically friends with benefits with Ana's half-brother)... but the ship has one (1!) fic on Ao3 *cries*

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

TOG Andromaquynh longfic In Your Stead has had the title since last year and probably for a while to come! I loved the story idea so much I really worked with several drafts and only! worked on that fic until it was finished so I wouldn't get distracted & forget about it, and the result was wonderful.

Tagging, if you want to do it, @sarah-fiers @purlturtle @cookie-sheet-toboggan @ussjellyfish @onaperduamedee @startrekgeorgiouery @rosalie-starfall @lonely-night @banashee @xvnot15 and everyone else who sees this

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?