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kodydrs · 6 months

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The Arrangement Baby - Gojo Satoru

a/n: don’t shoot. I swear part 4 is coming. So take this as a token of my love. Idk why, but i loved writing for Gojo. He’s so bbygirl. might as well reblog / comment, and feel free to send in a random request / ask

this is set like, just before gojo goes to Shibuya, so no angst (yet lol)

warnings: gojo x fem!reader, husband!gojo x wife!reader, arranged marriage, established relationship, soft smut, mdni, fxm, p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), pregnancy kink (maybe?), trying to get pregnant, they’re so in love your honour, kinda ooc gojo

ib: jasminn’s bot on Chai.

request: yes / no (but dedicated to @lvtilzs who has been here since day one)

‘You don't want this and I know you don't. Women can never really hide their emotions well, can they?‘ He jokes. It immediately earned him a glare, to which he waved his hands in defence. ‘Hold on. It's for the good of our clans, isn't it? I think we should think of it that way. You don't gotta love me, but you love your family, right?‘

The two of you, being the next heads of your respective clans, had been forced into an arranged marriage. It was supposedly to 'help build bonds’.

You sigh, seated on your knees with your hands on your lap.

‘If it builds bonds with the clans, then I will marry you, Gojo Satoru. But I cannot promise I will be able to learn to love you.‘

‘Hmm, I can respect that, my dear. But remember, we are bound together now. We must find a way to make this work, for the sake of our people.’

‘And we will. With our clans joined in this marriage, the strength of our family's will work.’

‘Indeed, my love. But don't forget that there is more to a marriage than just strength. There is also passion and desire. And as the head of our families, it is our duty to ensure that those needs are met.‘

You don't say anything. You just hum and nod. You hadn't looked at your husband. You'd only been informed he was to be your husband a few days prior.

Satoru took a step closer, his olden aura intensifying as he did so.

‘I must confess, however, that I'm rather excited for this night. To consummate our union and begin our lives together.‘ His eyes met yours for the first time since you'd sat down.

'Mhm.' You hum again, 6 eyes staring at you. 'I hope it will be for the best.'

Satoru chuckled softly, reaching out to gently brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

‘It will be, my love. Together, we'll make this work.‘

You close your eyes, focusing on his touch. You reach for his hand, running your thumb over his knuckles.

Feeling the warmth of your touch, Satoru squeezed your hand gently.

‘We have our entire lives ahead of us, filled with shared experiences and growth. Remember that.‘ For the first time, a smile crosses your face and you feel a sense of warmth in his presence. ‘That's my girl,‘ he whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss against your forehead.

You lean into his kiss, watching as he pulls back. ‘Satoru.‘

‘Yes, my love?‘ He asked, his voice soft and inviting.

‘Let's take this slow, ok?‘

Satoru nodded, understanding the request.

‘Of course, sweetheart. We'll take things at your pace.‘ His eyes held a promise of patience and care as he reassured you.

It had been almost 6 months since your marriage. You and Gojo were currently living together near the Highschool in order for him to be able to teach his students. You had a simple life where you stayed at home, going on a few missions for your clan here and there.

You were sitting in your living room, reading a book when the front door opened.

‘My dear, I'm home,‘ Satoru called out as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

‘I'm in the living room.' You called, placing your book down.

‘Alright, sweetheart,‘ he replied with a soft chuckle before walking into the living room. His eyes met yours as he approached, a warm smile on his face. ‘How was your day?‘

'Boring. Not much happened. There were no missions for me.'

‘Well, that's good news,‘ Satoru replied with a gentle smile. ‘You deserve a break from all that danger and chaos.‘ He walked over to sit beside you on the couch, his arm brushing against yours in a subtle show of affection.

You leaned against him, tracing his knuckles. It was a habit you'd picked up. There was just something mesmerising about your husband's hands.

'How was your day?'

‘It was... fine.' His eyes followed your hand on his, watching you trace the bones. 'I may have to go away for a little while though. Something has come up.'

'Oh... ok.' It wasn't that Satoru didn't go away often, but you couldn't deny the house felt empty when he wasn't around. 'Do you need me to do anything while you're away?'

‘No, sweetheart, don't worry about it.‘ he reassured you with a soft smile. ‘I'll be back before you know it.‘ He leaned in to press a gentle kiss against your forehead. ‘Now, have you eaten?‘

You shake your head, leaning into the kiss.

‘Well, then,‘ Satoru chuckled softly, ‘Let's fix that. I'll make us something delicious.‘ He stood up from the couch, his strong presence filling the room as he moved towards the kitchen. You also stand, following after him.

‘What would you like?‘ Satoru asked as he pulled out a skillet from the kitchen drawer and began to heat it up on the stove top.

'I don't mind.' You reply, sitting upon the counter as you watch him get to work

‘Okay, consider it done then.‘ Satoru chuckled softly as pulled out some vegetables from the fridge and began to chop them up with quick, precise movements.

It wasn't long before the meal was ready. You thanked him for the meal and both sat at the table to eat.

'So, what's this mission for?'

‘Well, there's been a sudden increase in occult activity around the city,‘ He explained as he took a bite of his food. ‘It seems that some powerful spirits have been unleashed, and we need to find out who's behind it.‘

You nod, taking another mouthful of your food.

‘Will it be a hard mission?'

‘It might be,‘ Satoru admitted with a frown. ‘But don't worry, I'll make sure nothing happens to you.‘ He reached out and gently squeezed your hand reassuringly. You nodded, a hint of anxiety creeping up on you. After finishing their meal, Satoru cleared the dishes and began to clean up while you sat at the table, lost in thought. He could feel your tension but didn't want to push you further into worry just yet.

‘Hey,‘ Satoru said softly, coming up behind you and placing his hands gently on your shoulders. ‘Don't think about that right now. Just enjoy this moment with me.‘ He leaned down to press a gentle kiss against the nape of your neck.

Satoru slowly pulled away, his hands remaining lightly on your shoulders. You hummed, holding his hands over your shoulders. ‘Satoru?‘

‘Yes, love?‘

‘Do you want to have a baby?‘

Silence filled the room, and Satoru froze, his heart skipping a beat. He hadn't expected that question, especially not now.

‘I...,‘

‘You don’t have to answer right now. It’s just an idea.’

‘No. No. I… I do.’ He said carefully.

‘Mhm.‘ A soft smile covered your face. ‘That way, our clans really would be connected. A child with blood from both clans.‘

Satoru couldn't help but return your smile, his eyes meeting yours. ‘Yes, that's true,‘ He agreed, his voice filled with warmth. ‘But I'd rather have a baby because you want to have one. Not just to further strengthen the bond of our clans.‘

Your smile grows and you turn to face him. ‘I want to have your baby, Satoru.‘

His heart skipped a beat as he stared into your eyes, feeling a surge of emotion swell up within him. He leaned in, his lips barely brushing against yours in a gentle kiss. ‘Thank you.‘

Your hands took his and brought them to his face, reciprocating his kiss. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss, pouring all of his feelings for you into the exchange. He pulled away, breathless and giddy.

‘I love you,‘ He whispered, his eyes filled with adoration.

Your eyes widen slightly. In your many months of marriage, neither of you have once said those 3 words. But it made your heart warm, and your husband was practically glowing.

‘I love you, too.‘

Satoru smiled wide, pulling you into another tender kiss.

‘I'm so glad you said that,‘ he murmured against your lips. He pulled away, still holding your hands in his. ‘We should head upstairs,‘

‘Mhm.‘ You agreed, taking his hand.

Together, the two of you made your way upstairs, their hands entwined like a lifeline. They shared a tender moment as they reached the top, exchanging loving glances before continuing down the hallway to their bedroom.

You'd had sex a few times since marriage, but something about this time felt different. It felt more meaningful

As they undressed, Satoru couldn't help but admire your naked body, his eyes tracing every inch of you. He loved you with all his heart and soul and wanted to make this experience together beautiful and eternal. You pulled him down, kissing him passionately with your chests pressed together. which made him moan softly, his body responding eagerly to your touch.

He wrapped his arms around you, deepening their connection as they continued to share their newfound love through passionate kisses and tender caresses.

‘You're so beautiful, Satoru.' You moaned, losing your hands in his white hair.

‘Thank you, love,‘ he whispered against your lips, his fingers tracing delicate patterns on your skin. He gently pushed you down onto the bed, following you down as his lips and hands explored every inch of your body.

Quiet whimpers filled the room, and you propped yourself onto your elbows, watching him travel around your skin. His eyes met yours, filled with love and desire as he continued his sensual exploration, his kisses trailing down your body while his hands roamed gently over your skin. His heart pounded in anticipation of the connection they were about to share once more.

You brought one hand to his head, stroking through his hair again. As he felt your hand in his hair, he leaned down, capturing one of your nipples in his mouth, suckling gently as he moaned against your skin. His other hand began to caress between your legs, teasingly rubbing against your sensitive folds. You moaned breathlessly, back arched.

‘Oh, Satoru,‘ you breathed, arching your back even further as he continued to please you. Your body trembled with anticipation as he moved to probe against your entrance. slowly pushed inside, filling you with his love and desire. 'Fuck. You're good to me.'

‘I am yours.‘ He whispered against your skin, their bodies moving together in a rhythm of love and need. His fingers dug into your hips, urging him deeper inside as they became lost in their passionate connection.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding on tightly like he'd run away if you didn't. Satoru held onto you just as tightly, his lips finding the sensitive skin behind your ear as he continued to thrust into you. Their bodies moved together in perfect harmony, creating a symphony of moans and gasps that filled the room.

'Please, Satoru.' You whispered, voice breaking. 'Please let me have your baby?

Hearing your plea, Satoru's heart swelled with love and desire. He pulled out of you slightly before pushing back in harder, claiming you completely once more. ‘Our baby,‘ he corrected softly against your skin, his voice thick with emotion. You nodded rapidly, hiding your face in his neck as you reached your high, a symphony of moans filling his ears.

He held you close, their bodies moving together in a frenzy of passion. He felt you shudder beneath him, your walls clenching tightly around him. Your body rocked back and forth, following in time with your husband's thrusts.

‘I'm here,‘ Satoru whispered, feeling his own climax building within him. He could feel the head of his cock brushing against your sweet spot, teasing and taunting you both.

'I-I can feel you.' You whimpered, tears wetting your eyes. His breath hitched as he felt you tremble under him.

‘Our baby will be so loved,‘ he whispered against your skin before giving one final, powerful thrust that sent them both over the edge.

A flurry of moans filled the house, both of you holding each other like you're going to disappear.

Gasping for breath, Satoru held onto you tightly as his seed filled you completely. Their bodies trembled together, still joined in intimacy even as their lungs tried to catch their breath.

You looked at him, panting deeply, but still able to plant a gentle kiss to his cheek.

'Our baby will be the strongest. Just like their daddy.’

Satoru returned the kiss softly, his eyes filled with love for you. He leaned in closer, nuzzling your neck as he held you close.

‘I love you,‘ he whispered against your skin, his heart racing from their passionate lovemaking.

You laughed quietly, rubbing his shoulders and back. 'Don't say it too much, Satoru. It'll lose its meaning.’

He smiled at your teasing remark, feeling the warmth spread through him. He continued to hold onto you, savouring the closeness they shared after their intense lovemaking session.

‘I couldn't help myself,‘ he said softly, his eyes still locked on yours. Hands held his face, caressing his skin.

'I love you too, Satoru Gojo.'

all rights and reserves are copyright to kodydrs on tumblr. this material is not to be copied or translated, and is not to be posted on any other platform.

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delcakoo · 1 year

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pity party ₊˚ރ⊹゛p.sh

SUMMARY ! when everyone forgets sunghoon’s birthday, he ends up finding comfort from a warmhearted stranger on the bus ride home.

PAIRING ! stranger!sunghoon x gn!reader

WC ! 800

GENRE ! fluff, slight angst and comforting sad hoon :c

a/n: sorry it’s short, just a lil’ thing for our birthday boy <3

sunghoon’s eyes were getting watery, and he hated that. a lot.

his birthday isn’t a big deal, he isn’t twelve anymore; he should just be grateful for what he has, wipe away his cascading tears and man the hell up.

but as he slides onto the public bus and scans down the aisle full of exhausted college students, old drunkards, and middle aged mother’s gossiping on calls with their kids fidgeting frantically next to them, he can’t find himself caring when all their eyes lock onto his teary red face, pink bottom lip trembling as he sniffles every few seconds.

he makes his way down the column of busy seats, mindlessly plopping down onto the first free one he comes across. and at last, he reaches his hand up, wiping the salty droplets off his puffy cheeks sorrowfully.

god, he was being such a wimp.

before he could beat himself up any further, a hesitant soft voice abruptly interrupts him. “are.. are you okay?”

sunghoon whips his head to his left, brows rising at the sight of soft eyes glistening with worry and concern towards him, despite being a complete stranger.

you were attiring a puffy winter coat and a bright green scarf, one hand gripping onto the tote bag resting carefully by your chocolate shaded boots.

he gulps and wipes his face again, feeling even more humiliated with his current state. “y-yeah, thanks,” he barely voices out.

sunghoon watches in his peripheral vision as you continue to examine him, clearly having an inner debate on if you should leave the conversation at that. he almost began crying again at how cute you look in such deep thought.

you swallow, “what happened, if i may ask? ur— i mean, you don’t have to tell me obviously, but if you—“

“it’s okay,” he assures with a small smile. “it’s kinda stupid, anyway. just.. all- all my friends n’ stuff.. they forgot my birthday.” your eyes widen, heart breaking into pieces at his painful tone. “i mean, i don’t even care, seriously. i don’t know why i’m crying because it’s really not a big deal.”

it seems you could easily tell he was trying to convince himself more than you.

it’s silent for a beat, nothing but sunghoon’s faint sniffling surrounding the bus until you hesitantly reach over, placing your hand on top of his cold, shaky one. your fingers rub his knuckles, gently calming his distress with comforting glances.

sunghoon didn’t realise how touch starved he was; throat getting clogged as he bites his lip to prevent letting out another pitiful sob, watching the way your touches feather him as if he were a fragile vase.

suddenly, you speak up again rather confidently. “can i give you my number?”

he chokes, looking back up with widened eyes. “w-what?”

“so we can make a plan for tomorrow,” you explain. “for your birthday.”

you, a complete stranger that had just met him on probably one of the worst days of his life, wanted to celebrate his birthday with him? tomorrow?

before he can stop to think, he’s already pulled his phone out, dropping it into your grasp mindlessly as you begin making a new contact. sunghoon peers closely as you type in your name with a bus and crying emoji next to it, letting out a chuckle of disbelief.

at the sound of laughter you look up, grinning proudly once you finally see his fanged smile. “you’re going to have the best birthday ever tomorrow…?” you look at him in question.

“sunghoon.”

“well sunghoon, i’m a master at baking cakes, specifically birthday cakes with chocolate fudge,” you declare, wiggling your eyebrows playfully.

sunghoon doesn’t even like chocolate.

but at that moment he decides it’ll be his new favourite flavour in the world.

as he opens his mouth to reply and show his gratitude, the bus driver boisterously announces the next stop.

“shit,” you mutter, frantically standing up from your seat. “i’m so sorry, i wish i could’ve stayed with you longer, but this is my stop.” your face reflected genuine affliction; not wanting the poor boy to be alone just as he was for the rest of his special day.

sunghoon shakes his head, “no, no it’s fine. you- you already made me feel way better.”

your face brightens a bit, nodding as you achingly wave goodbye. “see you tomorrow.” you turn away, walking right to the front of the bus, tote bag hanging on your shoulder and wooly green scarf still tightly around your neck.

it felt like a last goodbye, like everything was in slow motion watching you leave him, even though he’d be seeing you tomorrow.

but right before you descend down the stairs, you gasp, turning around and making the other passengers frown in annoyance as you block their way.

“hey sunghoon!” you shout across the bus without a care in the world.

the boy in question gawks as you stare him down, eyes shimmering and a fond smile rushing to your chapped lips. “happy birthday!”

sunghoon’s eyes get watery again, but he hates it a bit less this time.

if you enjoyed, reblogs and comments are always appreciated!

perm taglist: @duolingofanaccount @strawberry-sunset-skies @scented-morker @koshinene @boowoowho @sultrybaby @yunjinlvrr @lov3niki @yujiecho @monstaxdirtywonk @dekusgirl @l1lac-dreamer @kodzukii @yjjungwon @miou45 @rosie-is-everywhere

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creedslove · 3 months

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DON'T DO THIS 💍

Husband's best man!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: He loves you and he can't bear the possibility of seeing you marry another man

Warnings: angst, cheating, unrequited love, mentions of smut

A/N: idk besties, I came up with the idea of a short drabble because of this picture as it gives serious Joel Miller vibes, but not just any kind of Joel Miller, it gives me best man at a wedding Joel Miller kinda vibes 🤩😜

0.9k words

“Please don't do this”

Joel's voice made you jump even if his tone was low, just a little bit more than a humble whisper, making you snap back into reality and turn around to face him.

“What are you doing here, Joel?! You were supposed to be at the altar now, right next to my fiance!” you replied in an urgent, almost annoyed tone.

Joel shouldn't be there, it wasn't his place to be, he was nothing more than your soon-to-be husband's best man, he shouldn't just barge into the room where you'd spent the last few hours getting ready for your wedding, where you'd put on your wedding dress, done your hair and makeup. It was invasive, not only that, it was heartbreaking and tempting. He was a man, a real one, he was broad and strong, he shouldn't be looking at you the way he was; sad and disappointed eyes as he took a step further and placed his hands on your side, locking you in a grip you didn't actually want to break free from, but you knew you had to.

“I thought I could do it, I thought I could watch you marrying him, but I can't, darling, I want you for myself, I know I'm selfish and I have no right to ask you this, but please, don't do this..”

“Joel, what we did… it was a one time thing, I shouldn't have happened, it wasn't right, I cheated on my fiance with you to begin with… I was upset and you were there, you held me and made me feel better. It was special, but it was wrong” you could see the way his face fell, he wanted you, he was willing to give you anything if you stepped out of that crazy idea of getting married and finally stayed with him. Joel wasn't stupid, he was well aware of the fact he didn't have much to offer, but he could give you his heart and all the love he felt for you. The love he gathered through the years, ever since his friend introduced you to him. He tried really hard to let go of that feeling, to play it off as a silly crush, a passing crush, but it was impossible. All Joel could think of was you. Your eyes, your smile, your voice, how beautiful and intelligent you were; suddenly, that man who swore he would never let any other woman break his heart, saw himself at your feet. Allowing you to break his heart a little bit every single day without even knowing. He just watched you from afar, loving you, knowing the man you'd chosen wouldn't treat you as good as Joel would. He wanted you and it killed him he couldn't have you.

You, on the other hand, didn't dismiss Joel from your life. Since the day you met, you were taken aback by the fact he was handsome, gentle, sweet, hard-working and it still baffled you a man like himself wasn't taken; you had a soft spot for Joel, he was attractive, but at the same time you were engaged, your fiance was Joel's friend and absolutely nothing would ever come from that.

Until the night you showed up knocking on his door; you weren't proud of that, it shouldn't have happened. But when you saw your fiance walking through the door covered in glitter and smelling like cheap perfume, you knew something had happened in that bachelor party. You weren't a jealous type, but things had a limit and you were certain it had gone way beyond a simple stripper lap dance. No matter how many times you questioned him, even if he wasn't that drunk, you knew your fiance wouldn't tell you the truth, there was only one man who wouldn't falter being honest with you.

Joel Miller.

So when Joel saw you standing in front of him, mascara smeared down your eyes as you blinked away tears, showing him all the hurt you felt after being played by your fiance, he had no doubts. That motherfucker didn't deserve you, he did. So he tried his best to show you he could be good for you, he could be what you were missing out, the way he held you that night, how you asked him for more and more. He stayed between your legs for what it felt like forever and it wasn't enough for him; he wanted to taste you for the rest of his life.

When dawn came, so did reality shattering him once more, you had got dressed and left, asking him not to call you again, which he did, against all his will. But when he saw the opportunity of seeing you again before you could make the worst mistake of your life, he didn't hesitate. Seeing you in a wedding dress was certainly bittersweet. He loved and dreaded that sight in the same intensity. You looked perfect, but you weren't his.

“You don't love him, you know that, it's not too late. You can be happy, you know I can make you happy, all I ask for is a chance and nothing more”

His hand stroked your cheek as you tried hard to fight the desire you felt for him. What if you simply dropped everything behind and went with Joel?! Would it be too bad? For once not looking back and focusing on your happiness first?! You wish you could do it, but unfortunately it was impossible.

“I'm sorry Joel, but no, I won't don't this”

You said and watched pure disappointment in his eyes, the way his hands let go of your body and he nodded, pursing his lips. The rejection stung so hard he didn't think it was possible, but he couldn't force you into loving him. He wished you good luck in nothing more than a whisper and left you, without looking back.

____

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miyseung · 6 days

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𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

summary: Sunghoon has never felt any spark in his heart, none of that silly love he’s read about in novels in his free time. No one interested him, and it wasn’t like his father, the king, would let him have friends, male or female, for fear of being betrayed or developing feelings for them. He lived a life of isolation, excited for nothing – neither the idea of being married to a pretty princess nor becoming the next ruler of the Park kingdom. He most certainly did not expect you, his new guard, to change all that. He did not expect you to brighten his days and light up his heart.

includes: death, murder, war/battle, attempted murder (kinda), breaking in, royal au, romanticized medieval setting of sorts, forced marriage/proposal, a lot of time skips so it moves somewhat quickly, brief mention of a toxic ex, death by illness, joking mention of jumping off a balcony, blood, wounds, denial of death kinda, graves, lmk if i missed anything!

genre: angst

pairing: prince! sunghoon x guard! fem! reader

word count: 8.1k (woah)

taglist: @kflixnet @kpopslays @jvjsssnaa a/n: it’s finally here! i sacrificed sleep for this and i do not regret it at all. this fic has two milestones for me - being my longest fic + a fic i’m kinda proud of. i hope you all enjoy it as much as i did writing it <3

PLEASE REBLOG/COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS FIC 🫶

Sunghoon was reading over some papers pertaining to the kingdom’s matters when he heard a knock on the door.

“Enter.”

One of the guards came in, before bowing upon seeing him.

“Sire, his Majesty wishes to see you.”

He nodded and set the papers in a neat stack. He then put them in a drawer and locked it for security. He then stood up and followed the guard, maintaining a neutral expression.

His mind was working much faster than normal though.

His father was very strict, and the slightest mistake meant an extremely harsh lecture. He flicked through his memories, trying to remember what he could have done wrong, and what he should say as his apology.

He pursed his lips as a thought crossed his mind - was his recent trip to the colder regions made known to his father? He had gone for administrative work, but he couldn’t resist spending some time there ice skating, which the king always considered useless since it benefited only the person skating, not the country. He had done his best to keep it under wraps, but maybe one of the guards reported this to the king. Damn it.

He mentally slapped himself for using such crude language. Those were the words of peasants and did not suit a prince like him. Holy moly…buckling barnacles, great heavens…such lengthy words to express frustration, he thought. ‘Damn it’ was only two syllables.

As he snapped out of his reverie, he entered the Throne Room. His father was seated on the grand throne at the end of the airy space. The seats where the ministers sat were empty. Court was always in the morning, and it was probably lunchtime by now - the prince wasn’t sure.

He stood a few feet away from his father. The guard bowed and left, and Sunghoon made eye contact with the old man in front of him. He didn’t seem angry, so the younger relaxed a bit, letting out a sigh.

“Why have you called me here, father?”

“I’ve received some proposals from other kings. They’ve sent me paintings of their daughters. A lovely selection of princesses, I must say.”

Sunghoon had to physically hold himself back from rolling his eyes.

“Father, I’ve already told you this. I am not ready for marriage and I am not interested in this topic.”

“Yes, but it’s good to start early. Maybe you’ll change your mind after-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you Father, but why have you actually summoned me?”

The king narrowed his eyes at his son but didn’t say anything more about the topic.

“Well, I’ve decided to get you a personal guard. There have been many threats of attacks on the palace, so it’s better to take this precaution.”

“Interesting. Will he be with me all the time or-”

“She.”

“What?”

“Your guard is a female.”

To say he was shocked was the understatement of the century. His father? Hiring a woman? As his bodyguard? What if he-

“Are you serious?” “Yes. She is very capable and I’m sure she will protect and serve you well. I trust you to keep your relationship with her strictly professional.”

It wasn’t like he knew how to have a non-professional relationship with anyone outside of his family anyway.

“Yes, Father. Will she be with me at all times?”

“Indeed she will, except for when you are sleeping. At that time, she will stand outside your door and guard you.” “What about her food and sleep?”

“That is not your concern.”

“But-”

“Silence!”

He immediately bowed his head slightly as a sign of remorse for stepping out of line. This was going to be interesting, he thought. He had little to no interaction with women outside of his mother and sister, and the small talk he made with princesses and duchesses of other kingdoms was always awkward. Now he was having someone of the opposite gender, a woman, watching over him nearly 24/7.

He slowed down his train of thought. Why was he thinking like a teenage boy ogling over a girl? He was the crown prince, he was better than that. It was going to be a new experience, that was all.

“May I meet her now?”

“Of course. She’s arriving as we speak.”

Just then, the door opened, and you entered, a male soldier on either side. Sunghoon’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, but nothing came out of it.

He was having a cultural shock of sorts. All the women he had met were all dainty, graceful and poised - the epitome of perfection. You, on the other hand, had an air of authority about you — rough and firm. A few scars were on your face, probably from battle. You bowed the full 90 degrees, and he could only respond with a small nod.

Oh fuck, you were gorgeous.

And he used foul language again. Stupid Sunghoon, he reprimanded himself.

He didn’t take back what he said, however. Your beauty wasn’t the type written in books or sung in ballads, but it had to be known to the world, somehow. He was almost tempted to write one himself.

Hold on, why was he thinking all this? His father had just told him to not think anything about you that crossed the lines of professional, and thinking about how pretty you were was not within those lines.

“This is your new personal guard, Y/N.”

You came over to him and bowed again, although at a smaller angle than before.

“N…Nice to meet you, Y-Y/N.”

Did he just stutter?!

“It is an honor, my prince. I swear to serve you to the best of my abilities.”

“I’m sure you will.”

He managed a small, formal smile, looking completely pleasant and unfazed.

Which he very much was not. He wanted to jump off the nearest balcony when you said ‘my prince’. He didn’t know why - you weren’t the only one who addressed him in that manner. You might’ve even learned it from someone in the palace, so why was he so hot and bothered with the way you said it?

“Your duties start today, guard.”

“Yes, your Majesty. I will not let you down.”

He was going crazy. You were just his new guard. Nothing less, nothing more. He would just have to rein in his thoughts and get it all together. Not a difficult task at all.

As you stood behind him as he walked through the kingdom’s streets a week later, he seemed to keep a little distance from you, which was unsafe. Anything could happen within a few meters.

“My prince, you must slow your pace.”

He turned his face to look at you as he stopped walking.

“Oh? Why is that?”

“There’s a gap between us, and anyone could attack you with that.”

“Ah. I see. In that case…you can walk next to me. Or something.”

You stood next to him now. He quickly looked at the fruits a vendor was selling, trying his best to avert his gaze so that you wouldn’t see his reddening cheeks. It was unknown to him as to why he was so flustered. You were only doing your job, and that was it.

“Our kingdom seems to produce good crops.”

“Indeed they do, my prince. The farmer and the cultivators work very hard. It always seems to go unnoticed for some damn reason, though.”

He heard the angry tone in your voice and the curse word you said. This seemed to be a sore topic for you. He was curious, so he decided to ask more.

“What do you suggest, then?”

“We export more crops so that they get more revenue and in turn, they get paid as well. Increase the demand.”

You shrugged before turning your attention to a little kid who was clinging to your leg. You leaned down and patted his head, smiling a bit. The kid laughed and ran away. Sunghoon watched this interaction with interest and it dawned upon him that you cared about the people and their welfare, like a good ruler.

Wait, why was he thinking about you being a ruler? You were only a soldier, and with the hierarchy now, there wasn’t much chance you could become more.

It did make him wonder, however, what you would do if the people rebelled. He shook his head, not wanting to think so dark. Your suggestion was smart, though. It made more sense the more he pondered over it. He’d mention this to the old man and see what he’d say.

“Shall we move on, guard?”

You stood up properly before nodding.

“Yes, my prince. Apologies for slowing you down.”

He dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

“Nothing of the sort. Come, let’s go.”

You both continued your stroll and for some reason, his heart was beating very unnaturally. He only had this issue when he was agitated, but there was no reason for him to be scared now, so why was this happening?

It had only been two months since you became his personal guard, yet you were his closest and most trusted friend. He took all your ideas seriously and told them to the king who somehow accepted them, and called him ‘ingenious’ for supposedly coming up with them. He hated taking false credit, but he knew that he couldn’t tell his father that you were the mastermind of them all — he would then question Sunghoon as to why he was talking to them in the first place, which would lead to you being removed from your post and replaced with a boring male soldier.

He didn’t want to lose you, not when he finally found a change in his monotonous life, someone to brighten his dull days, someone to call a friend, even though it was only known to the both of you and no one else. He couldn’t bear to have you gone.

He was sitting underneath a tree, looking up at the sky in the comfort of the gardens reserved for his family and visitors alone. His father never came here out of his own accord - he always considered it a waste of time. His mother was in her room, and her sister was in another kingdom discussing alliances. This was a moment very rare, just you and him, with no one to interrupt or catch you two slacking.

You were sitting next to him, only a few inches away. The wind was blowing gently on his face. He closed his eyes and smiled, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Your presence next to him was oddly comforting. He opened his eyes again, turned his head, and looked at you, wanting to ask you something.

“Guard, you know how I always give your suggestions to the king and how he always says ‘I’ did a good job thinking about them?”

Your face tightened the same way it did every time he took credit for your ideas in front of his father. He sighed.

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I wanted to apologize for that.”

You tilted your head at him, clearly not understanding two things - why he was suddenly saying sorry, and how you doing that simple thing made him go insane. You took over him, body and soul. All he could think of when he tried to sleep was you. It was just two months. Two months, and he was already attached to you. He was convinced, however, that it wasn’t love or anything stupid like that. No, it was simply him forming a close connection to the first person who cared about him. Not everything was romantic affection. He had never tasted this emotion, obviously, but he’d say that he knew enough about it to confirm this wasn’t it.

“Why now, my prince? I’m sorry- I just didn’t expect you to, y’know…actually apologize. Never met a royal who’s done so. They’re all usually stuck-up snobs who think their shit is worth the entire kingdom.”

He snorted at that. It wasn’t like you were wrong, most of the royals he met were indeed very arrogant. He didn’t dare anything about it though, simply doing his best to not behave like them.

“It’s not right of me to take credit for something I don’t even have the brain for. I don’t mention your name for your security. If my father knew I was talking to you about matters like these, then…”

He made a motion of him cutting his own throat, complete with the sound effect. You grinned a bit, which was enough for him to be over the moon, but then you laughed. Not just a ‘teehee’ or a ‘haha’ - an actual, proper laugh. His heart swelled, maybe his jokes didn’t suck that much. Your laugh was indescribable. It was a delightful sound to listen to. It was short, but he wanted to hear it every day at least once for the rest of his life instead of those ballads that were sung in the court all the time.

The way your eyes formed crescents, the way your face was half in the light and half in the shadow, the way the wind put an orange leaf in your hair like it was an accessory - it was making him sick in a good way. He rarely saw you smile, let alone laugh like this. He knew that you had to keep your expression serious all the time - all the soldiers had that training - and this was a proud moment for him to see you loosen up. He couldn’t help the small smile on his own face.

“My prince, is he really that harsh? I’m aware that he is super damn strict to us soldiers, but that’s expected since we have to be toughened up to protect the land.”

His smile faded before he shook his head in agreement.

“I’d say so. It’s for my good- I am the next in line, after all.”

“I don’t think forcing your child to have no friends is how you raise him to be king. He won’t know how to have proper social interactions.”

There you were again, hitting the mark accurately with your observation. He sucked at interacting with other people. Slowly, he was starting to dislike his father more. The faults he never saw in him earlier were becoming visible, the saint-like image he had of the king since childhood fading away. Was this meant to happen? He wasn’t sure.

“Right. I’m living proof.”

You shook your head in alarm.

“Oh shit- please don’t be offended by my idiotic statement, my prince…I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, really-”

He chuckled at how you were panicking and made a motion with his hand for you to calm down.

“It’s okay. I didn’t take it that way.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

He saw your body relax as he rested his head against the bark of the tree again. He gazed at the sky, eyes fixated on the clouds and the way they moved in the direction of the breeze. Two questions lingered in his mind, and his mouth suddenly blurted one out.

“Do you ever sleep?”

It was random, sure, but he had to know. He was concerned for you. He never saw you leave his side, except for when he was asleep, and he already knew what you did then. You were still staring at him, but he didn’t notice.

“I do. I’m a normal person, my prince, I can’t function without food and rest. That’s impossible.”

“When?”

You let out a slight laugh at his curiosity, and his heart started pounding faster again.

“You don’t notice, do you? That means I’m performing the stealth part of my job well. When you’re in the dining room or a meeting surrounded by the best soldiers. That’s when. I also don’t stand watch for you every night. I alternate with another guard.”

His mouth formed an ‘o’ shape in understanding. He didn’t notice it at all, which meant that either you were a master of stealth, as you said, or he was just blind. It was most likely the former since he had no doubt in your abilities.

“I see. I was very worried for you, honestly.”

“I’m honored that I was an object of your concern, my prince.”

He scoffed at your slightly surprised expression.

“Of course, I would. You’re my personal guard, what reason is there for me to treat you inhumanly?”

That stupid fucking slip of his tongue.

Shit, he just cursed.

Damn it, again.

His tutor and family would go crazy if they could read his thoughts.

Of course he had to refer to you as his, like you were property. Of course he had to emphasize on that word as well. You were making him loosen up too much. It shouldn’t have happened, not at all. He couldn’t continue like this, what if he accidentally cursed in front of people? He would never be heard of again.

“I’d say I had expected that, but you’re different from other royals, so not really.”

“I understand. Also, you don’t have to call me ‘my prince’ when we’re alone. Just Sunghoon is enough.”

Your eyes widened in astonishment.

“My prince, I wouldn’t dare to-”

“Really guard. It’s fine.”

“But his Majesty-”

“He doesn’t have to know. Our secret.”

“If you say so…it’ll take me time to get used to calling you by your name, princ- I mean, Sunghoon.”

“Already getting there.”

“I guess so. In that case, you can call me by just my name. No need for ‘guard’.”

“Your wish is my command, Y/N.”

This was new. Not referring to someone by their title was disrespectful. He learned from a ripe young age that if he didn’t call someone by their title, he could end up with his head on a guillotine block in some places. Were you seriously making all his long years of education unravel? Silence fell upon the two of you before he spoke up again.

“What do you think love is like?”

You must’ve been taken aback, and he expected to see such an expression on your face. Instead, when he stole a glance at you, it was something else. Wistful? Longing? He couldn’t name it exactly.

“Books don’t give it justice. Neither do ballads. It’s…more than that.”

He was intrigued by your response. He raised an eyebrow, signalling you to continue.

“Oh? You’ve been in love before?”

You stared at him, a sad smile forming on your lips, a look flashing in your eyes. One of remorse, he recognized.

“Yeah. It was depressingly…beautiful.”

His chest tightened at your words for some reason.

“Heartbreak?”

“Kind of. We fought a lot…our personalities were very different. Then when we finally reconciled…he died. An illness took him away.”

Your eyes were filled with so much hurt, it almost made him cry. This was his first time seeing you emotional, vulnerable, and while he was honored that you trusted him enough to show you this side of yours, he wondered how much you were hiding away. All he wanted was to protect you so that you would never have to go through something as painful as that. He made a resolve to make sure that he was never the cause of the agony in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine. It was just- unexpected. It’s been a year anyway.”

“I hope this doesn’t bring back memories you buried, but…how would you describe love?”

You rested your chin on your palm, thinking for a bit.

“Love isn’t only about the physical signs. For me, love is always wanting to be by someone’s side, being so head over heels for them that even the littlest things like…I don’t know, something stupid, makes you remember them. It’s being their biggest supporter, but also telling them when they’re wrong. Love is wanting to keep them safe from all the bad in this world. It’s when even the simplest thing they do brightens your day, like a smile or a small act of kindness. Love is when you put their needs and wants above everything and everyone else. There’s obviously more, but that’s my personal experience.”

Holy moly. Sunghoon was in love.

He was in love. That emotion many desired to feel at least once. All his previous notions and confidence about it being platonic flew out the window. He very clearly did not learn enough about this feeling. He didn’t know whether he wanted to be happy that he could say he had loved once in his life, or scream in frustration that he fell for someone out of his league and not some princess who he was supposed to want like this.

God, he hated himself.

“Pri- Sunghoon, are you okay?”

Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He couldn’t let you know, he was a hundred percent sure that you didn’t feel the same. Plus, he was the prince, and if you both were caught, it would mean bad for him and catastrophic for you.

“I’m fine. Come, let’s go. We might get caught if we stay any longer.”

He stood up immediately. You were confused but followed his orders. What he said, you obeyed.

It had been eight months since you became his personal guard, and half a year since he realized that he was in love with you. He tried to distance himself, but one look or word from you and his resolve faltered. He was so deep in this pit, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to dig deeper or climb out. He wanted you to stay away and he also loved the way you destroyed every single one of the walls he built around himself subconsciously.

He matured, and he was no longer the shy boy who didn’t know how to talk to someone of the opposite gender. He was a confident and charming crown prince now, the man of many’s dreams. You were the only one on his mind though.

His father was now eager to get him married off, and he had to comply with his wishes, He was no longer the king who served the people anymore - he was corrupted, only thinking about power. Sunghoon did his best to undo the damage inflicted on the population, but the situation was getting tense, and he knew it. Rebels were raising their heads and it was his job to keep them in check. It was difficult, but you helped him through it.

Presently, he was sitting in the dining room with his family, the king, queen, princess, and officials of the Hwan kingdom. This was the proposal his father liked the most because the Hwan kingdom was rich in resources, and this alliance hidden as a marriage would give the Parks access to those coveted precious stones. He was hoping, however, that the other king would say no for some reason and he’d be free.

He had no interest in the princess, however. She was too boring for him. They had zero common likes, and the only thing they related to each other on was the struggles of being next in line. This was probably the worst match he had ever met. She seemed like she wanted this much less than he did. She was at least trying, he had to give her that.

You stood behind him on his right side. He so desperately wanted to turn around and see your reaction to all this. Your face had to have no expression now, obviously, but you both shared secret looks with each other in odd situations, and he was sure you’d find this amusing. The chatter across the table died down suddenly, and all the attention was on the two kings in the room.

“We’ve agreed on this marriage. Prince Sunghoon and Princess Hyeju are now betrothed!”

Sunghoon’s hands, which were tapping the table, stilled. He froze in shock, every voluntary muscle in his body stopping movement.

No, this couldn’t happen.

This was a nightmare, a terrible dream. He pinched his thigh underneath the table and ended up proving to his dismay that he was wrong.

This was the worst day of his life.

His father droned on about the details of the wedding. He tuned it all out. He tilted his head just a little to see your face and noticed that you were gripping your spear much tighter than necessary. You knew that he didn’t want this, not at all. Maybe you were angry on his behalf.

He couldn’t do anything about this, however. This was just his fate, and he resigned to it immediately.

The meeting ended, and everyone, including Sunghoon, stood up and exited the room. You followed him as he went straight to the gardens to clear his head. His family would be occupied with entertaining the guests and making more plans, so it was just you and him. Again.

He sat in his usual spot underneath the same tree. He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. He heard the sound of you sitting down next to him, before feeling your hand lightly grip his shoulder.

“Hey, Sunghoon?”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine.”

“I know how much you don’t want this. Trust me, I don’t want it either.”

The second sentence was uttered in a more quiet voice, and he moved his hands away from his face to look at you in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Your lips formed a thin line, your body language making it clear that you were saying this with hesitation.

“I don’t want you to marry her.”

You removed your hand from his shoulder. You looked down at the grass, fresh and green from the new spring season.

“Why? I mean- other than me not wanting it personally, there’s no reason you should hate it…this is an amazing opportunity for the people and the kingdom! We will prosper-”

“Fuck the people and the kingdom- I want you, dumbass.”

His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

“What…do you mean.”

“I love you really badly. That’s what I mean.”

He couldn’t believe it. You, the very person he always desired desperately, his forbidden fruit, loved him back? Wanted him? This wasn’t real. He must’ve been knocked out after the marriage announcement and slipped into a pleasant dream.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You want me to prove it?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t know what to expect, but you grabbing his face and crashing your lips on his was the farthest from his vague idea of what might happen.

It lasted for a few seconds before you pulled away suddenly. You noticed his dazed expression and started to panic.

“Shit, shouldn’t have done that, please don’t kill me, I-”

Your voice snapped him out of his haze before he placed his hand on your waist and pulled you in for another kiss. His hand tucked one strand of hair behind your ear and you melted into the action, calming down instantly. He was so gentle, so careful, he was holding you like you were a delicate object that was to be treated with utmost care at all times. When you both parted, his face wore a lovesick smile, his eyes sparkling like stars.

“I feel the same.”

“Yeah, it was obvious.”

He chuckled at your comment, before frowning.

“You know this is dangerous, right? We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Your shoulders slumped at his words, knowing that he was completely correct.

“I do. I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I just didn’t…know how to tell you.”

He shook his head. To him, you could do no wrong. It was his fault. He should have gotten rid of you so that he could nip the blooming flower in his heart from the bud. He shouldn’t have been such a coward.

“I understand what you mean now. I don’t know how to stop it, though.”

“That’s…fine. Just knowing you feel the same is enough for me.”

It wasn’t. Neither for you, neither for him, and you both knew that. The fact that he couldn’t be yours and you couldn’t be his simply because of both of your duties was like a nasty, sharp torn ledged in the soft flesh of his heart. You and him were not meant to be. Your romance was only a fantasy, to be never fulfilled.

“Precisely. This is all it’ll ever be.”

It was night. He had one week until his wedding with the Hwan princess, and he was dreading it. Seeing your face became unbearable for him sometimes — you reminded him that he had everything a commoner could only dream of, but even the poorest of poor could love and he couldn’t. He was ready to throw his entire life away and disappear with you, but his fear of what would happen next to the country held him back.

He stared out the window in his bedroom which gave him a perfect view of the private gardens. The place where it all started and ended. The moonlight shone on the trees and flowers, giving it a peaceful aura, different from the cheery one it had in the daytime. Even in the comfort of his silk night clothes and soft blankets, he was in a state of unrest. He wanted to run, wanted to be free, wanted, wanted, wanted. He lay down, resting his head on his pillow as he waited for sleep to find him while he closed his eyes. Thankfully, the night was kind to him, and he dozed off almost instantly.

Sunghoon was rudely woken up by you frantically shaking his figure, pleading with you to wake up. When he came to his senses, he heard alarms sounding in the palace and immediately understood that it was an emergency, although what might’ve exactly happened was beyond him.

“Y/N, Y/N, I’m up. What’s going on?”

He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and slapping his face for good measure.

“Rebels. Come, we need to run.”

The first word was enough for him to be fully alert. He foresaw them coming, so it wasn’t a big shocker for him. He put on his slippers and looked at you with determination. He was actually trying to mask his fear, but you didn’t need to know that. You grabbed his arm and ran out of the room. He was a bit startled at your speed at first, but quickly matched your pace. When you both reached a corridor, you slowed down, wanting to be careful of surprise attacks.

“Hide your face to the best of your ability. I’m not sure if they’ll recognize you in non-prince clothes, but it’s better to be safe. They’ll aim for me instead since I have the palace uniform.”

His chest tightened. You were ready to give up your life for his. He knew that was protocol for all soldiers - royals over their own lives. He knew, but you were different. He didn’t want you to die, he couldn’t imagine a life without you. You were his oxygen, he’d suffocate if you were gone.

Suddenly, he noticed a flash of light. He heard a whoosh and he saw the way your hair moved in the direction of the sound. He assumed it was a gust of air along with the lights of the palace shining weirdly, but then he looked at the wall in front of him and realized what it was - an arrow. It was embedded in said wall, and you had missed it by a hair’s breath. Literally. It had scratched your face, but other than that, you were fine.

You pulled him down to remain on the floor, before you stood up and ran to the rebel that shot it, your hands gripping your sword tight. You engaged in combat with her. She was rather buff, and even though she only had a bow and an arrow holder on her, she was slowly gaining ground in the fight. She was blocking your thrusts with her bow, catching your moves with its string. She landed a harsh blow on your chest, and he gritted his teeth seeing your sharp flinch. He had to do something and fast.

He crawl-walked across the floor, making sure to stay unnoticed. He moved to stand behind the rebel before forcefully grabbing her neck. She was gagged, and the sudden lack of air caught her off guard. You took the opportunity and struck her in the heart, and he let go of her.

You both ran off, eager to get to the safe room specially built for situations like this. Barely some distance away, he raised his head, neck aching from the constant strain, when you suddenly pushed him to the ground and covered his mouth with your hand. He was about to protest, feeling kind of hot and bothered with his position, but then he decided against it. You definitely did this for a reason, and he could repress his feelings for a while.

Your head turned as you stared at a rebel passing by, praying he wouldn’t notice you both. He was blind to your movement thankfully, and as soon as he left, you got off of Sunghoon, pulled him up, and ran. You pushed the door of the safe room which was behind a cupboard open with your shoulder, and he then realized that he was the first one to reach. The door closed, and he glanced at you, relief and gratitude clear in his eyes.

You gave him a thumbs up and turned to leave to assist the other soldiers with getting the rest of his family to the room when he suddenly grabbed your wrist. You looked at him with confusion, and you opened your mouth to ask him what he was doing when he placed his lips on yours. You let out a soft gasp when he held you closer, one arm around your waist, the other hand on your back, holding you close. This wasn’t like the last time you kissed — this was desperate, filled with emotion. He let go of you too soon, eyes shining with tears.

You both knew that there was a chance you wouldn’t come back to him, and this could be the last time he saw you.

You squeezed his hand in an attempt to reassure him. He just nodded at the door, knowing that you had your duty. You bowed and left as he watched you in fear, praying that you’d make it.

After the attack by the rebels, there were always new questions about the palace’s security floating around. Quite a few lives were lost. None of them were you or his family, but Sunghoon still grieved for them mentally. He couldn’t imagine the agony their families must’ve been going through, and he managed to convince his father to give all the deceased’s close relatives compensation.

The wedding was called off for now, much to his delight and his father’s despair. The old man had accused him of doing something to sabotage it, but he had grown a thicker skin, thanks to you. All efforts were now being put into strengthening the forces of the kingdom, and the actual matters of state were being ignored. This would lead to more rebellion, but his father didn’t seem to care. At this rate, he could die if he stepped out of the palace grounds — the people hated him that much. Sunghoon was already preparing to become the next ruler since that future would become a reality pretty soon.

A surprise attack was inevitable, but he didn’t expect the aggressor to be the damn Hwan kingdom.

They must’ve heard about the damage inflicted on the palace from spies and knew that the Park kingdom would be focusing its efforts on repairing it, thus taking advantage of the situation. It was smart of king Hwan, Sunghoon would give him that.

He rode his horse while inspecting the soldiers preparing for battle. None of them were properly ready for this. Many veteran soldiers were on break and were called back suddenly. They all did come, and he was grateful to them for that, even when they had the right to refuse. The troops were arranging their positions quickly, and a little bit of his anxiety relaxed. Their army was strong, they could face this.

As he rode back, he saw his father, who was seething with rage at being betrayed, Sunghoon’s brain was in overdrive. Many of these brave soldiers would sacrifice their body and soul for a stupid fight that wouldn’t bring much to the land that could have been easily prevented. He knew it would happen, but didn’t do anything that was enough to fix it. He couldn’t keep falling short of what was necessary, that wasn’t what a future king would do.

Not wanting to talk to the old man, he rode a little further where you were on your own horse, surveying the battlefield. He relaxed a bit more upon seeing you and moved to be next to you.

“This will be a tough fight, Sunghoon.”

“I hope it remains a fight that ends today and not a war that stretches over days.”

“Where we are victorious.”

“Obviously.”

“My- Sunghoon, what will you do in case your father…is killed?”

The slip-up and the way ‘my Sunghoon’ rolled off your tongue so perfectly made him miss your actual question for a moment. He let out a soft giggle, before manning up to think. He hadn’t considered that possibility at all. If that happened, then he would automatically become the next king. He’d rule the land and hopefully lead better than the previous king and his reign would be peaceful. He’d make sure of that.

“Be the next ruler, of course. I’d promote you to my personal advisor.”

You cracked a small smile at that.

“Not enough brain. Plus, what if I don’t make it?”

“Won’t happen. You’re too sexy to die. Your abilities are top tier too, you’ll survive.”

You laughed now, and he smiled fully at you. This was a situation unheard of — right before a whole battle, he was here flirting with you and laughing. So very serious.

He leaned his head closer to yours, hair falling over his eyes. They were pleading silently with you to steal one last kiss, one last secret gesture of love before you both left to fight, one last chance to hold you. You shortened the gap, about to comply, when the war horn sounded, signaling the start of the battle. He frowned, angry at the lost chance, but quickly kissed your forehead. You pecked his cheek in return, before putting on your helmet and riding off.

The sound of hooves hitting the ground and the sight of dust flying from them brought him back into the moment, and he rode in the same direction as his own army, intending to lead the fight. His father was weak and made dumb decisions, so it was up to him. He moved directly to the frontlines, pulling out his sword from its hilt as an enemy soldier charged at him. He fought with ease, and soon a dead body was on the ground.

He should have been desensitized now upon seeing gore and corpses, but it still disgusted him. He gritted his teeth and averted his gaze as he parried with more enemies. Soldiers were dropping left and right from both sides. Blood splatters were on his own face from fighting so fiercely. It was a miracle that he was still standing with only minor injuries, the Hwan soldiers were vigorous.

Time was passing quickly, although for him it felt like an eternity. He just wanted to go back after all this ended. He didn’t care if he had to marry the Hwan princess, all he wanted was for this bloodshed to end. The sound of arrows being shot, horses neighing, grunts of hurt and dying soldiers — it was all too much for him.

All of a sudden, a more experienced soldier was attacking him, he could tell by the moves. His entire focus was on fighting back because this guy could actually kill him, that much was clear. He didn’t notice the other soldier charging towards him from his left with a spear until he heard a clang.

His eyes darted in the direction of the sound for a second, only to see you had blocked the attack and thrown the soldier off his horse. He was impressed and inspired by you, and with renewed strength, he killed the veteran. He gave you a thumbs up, before looking to his right as someone else ran to replace the deceased soldier. He was ready to fight that person and everyone else with you and for you.

Then, tragedy struck.

An arrow was heading in his direction. Occupied with the current fight he was in, Sunghoon was in no position to dodge it, and you took the blow. Pushing his horse with your own, the arrow lodged in your chest instead. The only reason he noticed it was because of the sound of pain you made. He finished off the man fighting him, and then turned his head to look at you. Your head was drooping slightly and your grip on the reins of your horse had faltered.

No, no, no, this can’t happen!

You were supposed to stay with him, you were supposed to be by his side forever, he was supposed to get more chances to love you, even in secret, not just lose you like this.

He immediately shoved his sword back in its hilt before grabbing your torso to steady you. You were very faintly there, you just had to keep going a bit more for him, and he knew you could.

“Y/N, hold on, okay? Don’t close your eyes, please.”

“Try…ing.”

Fuck, your voice was so weak, you really were trying. He’d end your suffering soon, he promised silently.

Coincidentally, the war horn sounded once more, signifying the end of the battle. It was his kingdom’s, which meant he had won, just like you wanted.

But you weren’t conscious enough to realize it.

He promptly sat you on his horse in front of him, one arm around your waist holding you close and tight. He galloped fast to the palace medic, the best one in the entire region. He ignored the weird looks and the shouts of his name, traveling with urgency. He had to move fast for your sake, and also for his own. He’d lose his shit if you…no. You weren’t going to, he was sure of it.

“Try to not focus on the pain, we’re almost there.”

That was stupid advice, but he had to say something, anything to save him.

“This doctor will fix you up, I swear. Just- don’t give up yet, Y/N. I beg of you. It’s all I’ll ask for this badly from you.”

Your head was now tilted back, and it rested on his right shoulder. You opened your eyes slightly to look at him, which he took as a good sign.

Then you spoke.

“I won’t…won’t make it. It’s…no point…denying it…my…Hoon, I…love you.”

At your words, Sunghoon’s lips formed a thin line as he squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds to force his tears to stay back. He could feel the blood running from your wound and collecting onto the sleeve of his suit, but he refused to accept it. You would make it, you couldn’t die.

“Shut-Shut up. You’re not dying, not when I’m here. Look, we’ve reached- you’ll be okay, I swear.”

He got off the horse, your limp body in his arms bridal style.

He wished he could be holding you like this in a different, more happier situation.

The doctor rushed out of her house and knew that it was urgent upon seeing the prince at her door. She took you in and he waited outside, pacing around nervously. He was so certain you’d survive, but the wound could be a major setback for the rest of your life. He’d have to make adjustments to accommodate you at the palace. He wouldn’t mind though, it was for you after all.

The doctor came out after a few minutes, and he waited for her to say something along the lines of ‘she survived, but ___’. Not to see her shake her head with a soft sigh.

“I’m sorry. She didn’t make it. She was gone when you came here. We tried our best, but…the arrow was poison tipped, which reduced her chances of surviving to zero.”

No. No no no no no. This lady was old and wrinkling, she was probably cuckoo and playing an unfunny prank on him.

“Can I see her? Alone?”

“Of course, sire.”

He rushed inside immediately, expecting to see you on the bed bandaged up and smiling at how well the prank worked on him-

She was right. You really were gone. You took your last breath in his arms. Your arms rested limply by your sides. The arrow was removed, but the blood stains were on your armor as evidence that the fatal injury did indeed happen. Useful reminder for a delusional ass like his. Your helmet was off your head now.

He sat down on a chair next to your bed and held one of your hands gingerly. It was already turning cold, and he hated it. He felt freshly made cuts and bruises along with older scars on your palm. His gaze fell on your face. The scratch you got from the rebel’s ambush was still partially healing. He took in your features with intense concentration, engraving them in his memory. He despised the fact that you looked so much at peace right now – when you just left his entire life in turmoil. He needed so badly to shake you back to life or something, but he knew that there was no point now. He lifted your hand up to his lips, kissing it in a tender manner, a weak replacement for the one you both missed maybe an hour or two before.

Just when he let go of your hand, the doctor rushed in with news.

“Sire, his majesty has passed away due to a…similar poisonous arrow shortly after victory.”

Both the people he knew wanted to win the most were dead just after it happened. Ironic, he thought - this was worthless now.

King Sunghoon walked through the cemetery for soldiers who had sacrificed their lives for the country. He stopped right in front of one which had many flower bouquets, a lot of them from his own previous visits, all of them your favorite flowers. He got on his knees on the right side of your gravestone, head bowed in respect and hands folded in his lap.

“Hello, Y/N. I know I’ve come to see you many times before, but I can’t help it. I miss you so much. You left too soon. I still believe that I should have taken that arrow instead of you…although it was for the better in hindsight. At least your last memory was of me and your pain ended quickly.”

Silence. He quickly wiped his eyes.

“I love you, Y/N. I still do, so much. I should move on by now, but it’s hard. Not when you meant so much to me, not when you changed me. A little for the worse, mostly for the better.”

He laughed dryly, looking at his hands. An expensive ring gleamed on his ring finger.

“I married a queen who I liked a lot. Not the Hwan princess, although she and I keep in touch often. We’re allies now. Kind of ironic, since I lost you and the old man in a war against that same kingdom’s old ruler.”

He wasn’t willing to let himself break, what if someone walked in on him sobbing over a dead soldier's grave? What would they think? He poked his eyes with his fingers, still in misery. No matter how much he tried, everything in his brain led back to you. While he didn’t want you to fade or leave his mind exactly, you were only meant to be a guest, visiting occasionally, not a permanent resident, not someone he still needed. When he calmed down, he quietly lifted his crown off his head and put it on top of your gravestone. He placed a solemn hand on it, closing his eyes. “This is a love stained crown, tainted with you and I, along with all our memories. Your affection will never wash away, no matter how much I try. I miss you and I love you, and I hope you’re doing better, wherever you are.”

#mallow’s works #mallow’s oneshots #divider by fairytopea #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen royal au #enhypen angst #sungoon #park sunghoon #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon angst #sunghoon royal au #enhypen fic #sunghoon fic #sunghoon prince au #sunghoon enhypen #kflixnet

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37-drc89 · 5 months

Text

smoke signals; bangchan

❁ where our love is locked.

trope: exes to lovers (kinda?)

genre: angsty angst but good ending.

summary: it eventually gets to chan, he has to let you go.

warnings: none.

word count: 2,2k.

masterlist

note: angsty season started for me :') as always, feedback highly appreciated!

The day he lost you.

The last view he gets of you is your red, puffed up face turning away from him, your figure completely disappearing behind the door. Loud thud of them shutting closed followed by even louder silence. Chan stands there, feet frozen to the floor, no matter how hard he tries to get out of its grip, he can't move. He knows that's how it's supposed to be. He doesn't take his eyes off the door hoping that maybe, just maybe they will open once again, you standing there coming in to hug him so tight, the first thing you always do when you see him. Although he's fully aware that this won't happen. He doesn't deserve your touch, your hugs, your kisses, he doesn't deserve you. Chan has to let you go.

Turning around he sees nothing but signs of you, being there just a few minutes ago. Unfinished cup of pomegranate flavoured tea resting on the table, now cold, TV muted but still playing your favourite show on the screen, pair of keys to your shared apartment splashed on the locker. You didn't take them with you like a sign that you never wish to come back there.

You have every right to do that, he thinks. Chan doesn't recall a situation when he messed up as badly as he did that day. He let you down, he let you feel unwanted, he let you leave your home, not even trying to stop you.

Though, it doesn't feel like he could call it home anymore. It's like you took this title away from this place, leaving only cold breeze behind. Chan's back is shivering at the unpleasant feeling, goosebumps creeping its way onto his arms and neck, where is your warmth now, when he needs it most?

Where are you now? Where did you go? Who is wiping your tears away off your cheeks, when it should be him?

Chan knows you, he knows you could never blame him even if it's him shattering your poor aching heart apart. You've always been so good to him like that, yet he's been so awful to you, the person he promised his whole life to, the person he personally laid his heart to, the person that was supposed to be meant for him. His mind is full of you, your watery voice replaying in his head like a broken record, the only thing he sees closing his eyes is your face painted with sorrow and guilt, you reaching out for his hand to lock it with yours, but he pulls it away, stepping back. Touching you would feel like a knife shoved down into his heart at that moment. That was probably the most selfish thing Chan has ever done in his entire life.

I know I'm a freak Ripped the Band-Aid, broke the peace Took the lock but lost the key.

The day after.

Chan's heart has never felt emptier than the morning he woke up, your side of bed unoccupied. He put your pillows and covers just how you like it, for you, as if you would join him the next day. But they stayed untouched. No show playing from the livingroom, the usual sound of coffee pot working is now silent, no music is heard, like you've always liked to do on your free days, dancing to your favourite songs while waiting for your boyfriend to wake up. Chan would stand by the door's frame, leaning against it, watching you enjoy yourself until you finally notice him, bright, heartwarming smile plastering on your face immediately. You never got mad at him for observing you silently, he's seen every side of you at this point. Even if you weren't the best dancer in the world, it's your private performances he would choose to watch for the rest of his life.

Now he leans against the same door frame as always yet his eyes have nothing to look at. His brain tries to visualise your silhouette shuffling around the room, spinning around but it's like he already forgot the view.

Chan sits at his side of the table, leaving yours empty. He doesn't make any efforts trying to eat something, lump in his throat present since yesterday's evening succesfully making him lose appetite.

You probably didn't get any sleep tonight. Chan knows you like the back of his hand, he knows your body is physically unable to relax if your mind is occupied with something stressful. Does the person you're with right now knows that? Do they treat you right? Do they know that the only things helping you calm down are either your favourite show or forehead smooches? Of course they don't. Chan is the only person you've ever fully exposed yourself to, the only person that has seen your broken state. He knows you would rather throw yourself off a cliff than face him. But being unaware of what's happening to you right now makes his eyes sting with unreleased tears and hands tremble, squeezing his shirt in the tightest grip his muscles could endure. He wants to text you, he wants to call you, ask where you are, run to you, drop to his knees and apologize, begging for your forgiveness, he wants to hold you until it's okay, he wants you to be okay again.

Feeling trapped in the closed space where all your belongings were, Chan goes out, not caring to put on any jacket nor scarf, scared that he'll accidentially ruin something you left after yourself, even if it's just a coat hanging in the front hall. His goal is clear, however he's not rushing anywhere, knowing he doesn't really have anything to come back to, no one's waiting for him anymore. Once his eyes reach the long, wide bridge breath hitches in his throat. Slowly stepping on it, sudden cold wind hits his face, making his whole body shiver, it's for the river flowing right under him. It feels almost impossible for the bridge not to collapse under the weight of all the padlocks attached to its railing and Chan can swear that he hears squeaking under his feet everytime he steps forward. His eyes seek for something familiar to him, probably hiding in the mass of locked love promises. Stopping in the midway he crouches down now facing the silver, shiny, perfectly looking padlock with your initials engraved beautifully in steel. That’s so cliché, some might think. But this has always been your little dream, the hopeless romantic in you yearning for locking love with your significant other for ages, so everyone can see how perfect you are with Chan. Now he’s staring at your promised love yet you are nowhere to be seen, the only thing surrounding him being fog, almost soaked in sorrow, and people walking by sending him apologetic glances, witnessing his shaking figure and head now hung down.

He remembers your excitement when he was attaching your padlock to the railing, happy with the placement. “You can see the city so clearly from here”, you once said. And you were right, the highest point of bridge allowed you to observe city life in detail, moving cars from afar, blinking lanterns, occasional neon lights and muffled music when a concert was happening nearby yet it could get so comfortably quiet in late evenings, not a single person disturbing such intimate moment. And of course, breathtaking view of the flowing river, reflecting moonlight, glowing brightly. At the bottom of it rests small, silver, heart shaped key. A key you threw away as far as you could that day, letting in run with the water as a symbol of your untouchable love. The conditions are perfect. Or, they could be.

Chan’s gaze lands at the padlock once again. His thumb smoothes over the flat surface and heart twists as he reads through a smaller text placed right below your initials. You said that this is your private promise, you chose this one together, wanting it to be your quote. Unable to stop tears now making their way to Chan’s frozen cheeks, he hides himself in his palm, just letting it out, holding onto your locker for dear life, like it would disappear in any moment.

“No turning back once we’re connected.”

Guess I set you free I hope you found a place to sleep I know you're bound to think of me

One month without you.

Past four weeks felt like a torture. Chan obviously had to work, his busy schedule treating him rougher than ever. Every task being harder to understand, coworkers words blurring out in his mind the second they were said. It wasn’t hard to tell that his mental health has dropped dramatically since a month ago, but Chan never liked involving private problems into his job. If anything, it kept his mind busy at least for these few hours, and maybe that’s why he tends to work at home ‘til past midnight, his body basically begging him to rest. It’s been fainting, blacking out not even being able to move properly but Chan never listened to it, knowing that if he lets himself off of his busy schedule, his thoughts will come back to you.

Speaking about you, you’ve never reached out to Chan. Not even a word, your activity status turned off since a month ago. He hasn’t seen you anywhere around the town as well. Of course, he tried visiting your favourite cafes, parks, tried waiting at your chosen benches just in case you walked by. He even spent a whole day waiting in front of the cinema on the day of your favourite movie’s continuation release date hoping you’ll come and see it, but you never showed up.

Chan forgot what your voice sounds like. Chan forgot where your significant moles were placed. And how your hair feels like when he smoothes it. He doesn’t even remember if you snore or not, or if you sweeten your tea. He’s been denying thinking about you so hard he forgot such basic things about you. Your scent already disappeared from all your clothes and pillows and Chan can’t recall that smell.

He wanders around the apartment with no purpose, just trying to keep his mind busy since all motivation and inspiration to work has been taken away from him, his thoughts going plenty different directions but not the ones he should actually focus on. Dead silence surrounds him, lights off, the only thing keeping the room somehow bright are last bits of sunset peeking through windows. Loud city life is coming to its end with sun disappearing, leaving Chan all to himself again.

Chan has already made peace with the fact that you're gone. Kind of. Everything around is trying to tell him not to stop hoping, that you'll come back as your clothes are still hidden in your part of wardrobe untouched, your book of poems still on the nightstand by your side of the bed and your keys still waiting for you on the table. But he stopped seeking for you in the crowd, waiting for you by your favourite places and buying your favourite snacks, knowing it's hopeless. He's now wrapped in his own shell, trying to get used to his own presence as it's the only thing he has left.

Until it's not. Until the quiet, unsure knocking spreads around the place, forming the pattern that you and him set up as your pattern, an announcement that you're home.

And Chan is by the door in a heartbeat. He doesn't have to check if it's you, he knows. Just before he got any time to think about what to say or what to do, his hand makes its own way to grab the handle and sway the door open. And it is you. You look so different yet still the same. So small under his shocked stare, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your hoodie, tired eyes on his. Your hair got just slightly longer, almost unnoticeable at first but Chan can always tell. Lips chapped, skin on your delicate hands picked up from all the stress you've been put in, visible signs of exhaustion painted all over your body.

"You're back," is the only thing he can get out of his chest, hands shaking behind the door just slightly, knees feeling like they could give up under his weight at any second. His eyes opened so wide they start to hurt but Chan doesn't dare to blink even once, scared that you'll be gone the next time he opens them.

"I'll always come back to you."

Your foot steps inside your home for the first time in a month and Chan swears that the dark atmosphere lightens up in a second, mind going empty but not in a bad way this time, like a breeze of fresh air on a sunny day, washing all his worries away. His body is meeting yours now, tangling in the most loving embrace he's ever been held in. Chan freezes for a moment, his brain calculating what exactly is happening before locking your tiny figure completely in between his arms, knocking every bit of air out of your lungs. He won't let you go. He won't let you go ever again. He will hold you forever now.

Because you're back.

You can come home to me when you're ready I left the gate unlocked for you

'Til then I'm sending out smoke signals Hoping I'll see yours too.

#stray kids #skz #skz imagines #skz angst #bangchan angst #bangchan x reader #bangchan imagines #stray kids scenarios #bangchan skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids angst #skz au #stray kids au #chan x reader #chan skz #Spotify

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stormberry-12 · 1 year

Text

fuck, i think i love you ~ jj maybank

pairing ~ jj maybank x fem!reader

warnings ~ language, slight angst at the beginning ig, and then fluff :)

notes ~ my first tumbler blurb! It might be kinda bad idk. lowercase intended. Im going to open up requests soon! hope ya'll have a good day, stay safe <3

~<>~<>~<>~<>~

"DING DONG!" you shout excessively loud, smirking at the sign on the front door of the chateau. jj's messy handwriting and logic to solve the situation made you giggle.

john b's broken doorbell had been an ongoing inside joke for a while now. though you knew you were always welcome in the chateau you stood out there like a dork just to make jb work extra hard today.

after a few moments, john b walked over to open the door, "hey, y/n! what's with the yelling?"

you just pointed at the sign on his house and smirked, jb rolled his eyes and mumbled something along the lines of 'jj you dumb ass-' and 'it's not that funny,' before stepping aside to let you in.

"i'm actually headed out, i think jay's in his room. I'll see ya in a bit" he ruffled your hair and you swatted his hand away.

"k, thanks bird shit," you stuck your tongue out at him as he exited the house with a salute. suddenly feeling nervous you took a deep breath and walked over to the guest bedroom that jj had claimed as his own, knocking lightly.

you were greeted by a sleepy-looking jj, his shaggy blonde hair was sticking out in all directions and he squinted his eyes at the sunlight coming from the window behind you. his icy blue eyes widened as they adjusted and settled on your soft features.

"uhm- y/n, hi, uh-" he studdered over his words.

"can i come in?" you asked quietly.

he nodded and you walked into the dark room sitting on the bed, "sorry if I woke you up..." you started trying to break the tension.

"s'all good," he replied sitting next to you and immediately starting to fiddle with his rings and stare down at his feet. god, this was awkward.

"so uh, yesterday..."

"yesterday," he repeated your words and sighed softly. you both snuck a glance at each other, locking eyes you both blushed furiously and looked back down at the floor. you mentally shamed yourself for not planning out what you were going to say to jj before you got here. a gut-wrenching silence stuffed the room for what felt like an eternity before he spoke up.

"'m sorry, i kissed you,"

your heart shattered. you didn't want him to regret it.

" it was kinda spur of the moment, an I don't know what I was... shit-" he struggled to force some type of coherent words to come out of his mouth as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"stop beating yourself up jay," you interjected. "i'm sorry for getting all flustered and running out like that. it wasn't fair to you-"

"no, no, you had every right to leave. i was being stupid and it was so random, and i feel so dumb-" his voice faltered. you both looked up again and for the first time ever you saw panic and insecurity in jj maybank's eyes.

"jayj..." you said softly, bringing your hand up to his cheek. "your not stupid and your not dumb,"

he leaned his cheek into your palm, "i'm sorry, I messed up, it won't happen again y/n/n. i promise." he linked his pinky finger with yours, something you both subconsciously did together when you made each other a promise.

but you pulled your finger away.

" jj," you brought your other hand up to his other cheek so you were holding his face in between your palms, forcing him to look at you. "i think i might regret running away more than you regret that kiss,"

his eyes filled with confusion before you brought his face closer to yours and pressed your lips to his. he inhaled sharply before kissing you back. electricity erupted through your body just like it had the night before. you both pulled away to breathe.

" i'm so fuckin confused right now," jj deadpanned and you giggled. "but fuck, i think i love you,"

you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his neck, and he hugged you back. there was a silent understanding of your feelings for each other and your hearts warmed. "i love you too jay,"

~<>~<>~<>~<>~

#jj maybank fluff #jj maybank #x reader #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #obx fanfiction #outer banks #fanfiction #fluffy #light angst #love

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yukinarinn · 2 months

Note

Childhood bestfriends to lovers Ethan Landry x Reader?? (W smut) 🙏

Feel Something - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

contains: smut, soft!dom!Ethan, sub!reader, p in v, a bit of angst (?), both of you losing virginity

A/N: Hi, I don’t know how good this is and I don’t know why is mostly angst (it’s in fact just a little, but still) I wanted this to be kinky asf but instead I kinda trauma dumped, lmao. I hope it’s still okay tho!

You and your friends were at Sam and Tara’s place, including Ethan who was always either behind you or right next to you. You didn’t mind since you knew each other since childhood and are the closest and form the closest bond. So it’s safe to say this friend group is still new to you both. University just started a few weeks ago and you have a hard time getting used to New York and every new thing.

“So, any ideas of what we should do?” Mindy said as she playfully pinched Sam’s arm while Anika gave her a weird look but ignored it.

“We were thinking of watching a movie tonight, perhaps?” Samantha suggested and all of the looks were fixated on you and Ethan now. They knew he doesn’t really like movie nights and that you just can’t stand still for 2 hours straight.

“Thing is..” you began to speak, taking this a bit personal since you think they’re just messing around or something. “I didn’t want to be here today, but Ethan asked me to come and I couldn’t say no.” you eye-sideying him as you try to avoid eye contact.

“Yeah, me neither. Chad also invited me.” He cleared his throat as Chad just showed him the middle finger. Whispering a “What a bitch”.

It seems like these two get along very well, but in reality, it’s really not like that. They need to fake their friendship and how cool they are just because they’re roommates, which is bullshit. You could’ve been his roommate instead, but due to obvious reasons, it’s not allowed.

“Even so, we don’t have drinks nor popcorns or anything to eat.” Quinn remarked. “Shall one of us go to the supermarket, then.”

You stared at her confused, why going to a supermarket? it’s too far away right now and you don’t even know how long this will take. It’s supposed to be a movie night, not waiting for Chad or one of the girls to go buy shit.

“Supermarket? there’s literally the shop by the corner!” Ethan replied and you nodded, biting your lip as you look at him intensely while it seems like he isn’t aware of you doing it.

Quinn turned and came closer to him. “Listen here, bitch. You may be my brother but I’m doing you a favor right now, don’t be dumb and keep your mouth shut.” She replied back with a more arrogant tone.

Her look dropped on yours suddenly and you clear your throat. Her sister has always took the.. parental role for him since their mother is unknown even to this day. You couldn’t never really get along with her.

“And you too, y/n” Quinn smirked and turned to everyone. “We might not like the snacks one of us will buy, so why don’t we all just go and buy stuff individually?”

Oh, you get it now. It’s not that you would mind, but since when she knows about you having a thing for her brother? Either way, you thank her.

Everyone sighs and heads towards the door, finally. But not before Chad and Tara looked back at you, asking if you’re coming as well.

You shook your head and they raised their eyebrows, well, Tara. You could tell Chad had a slight smile printed on his face.

Once you heard the door closing and eventually locked from the outside. You both let out a loud sigh. You hated the living room so much for some reason, so you go upstairs towards Tara’s room with Ethan right behind you.

“Do they let you just walk around their house like that?” He chuckled and closed the door behind him.

You sat on the edge of the bed, looking around the bedroom. It was perfect for a date. Her tastes are indeed cool.

“Do I look like I care? Come sit beside me, why so nervous?” you asked. But you were kinda nervous as well, you did everything together, everything but not being this close to each other ‘till now.

Ethan nodded and sits next to you, but doesn’t hold eye contact at all. The tension was already here. You didn’t know why it felt so weird being like this.. it’s not the first time you were alone with him, or with a guy in general.

A few seconds pass and you were still not saying or doing anything. You bite your lip and turned to him, but he already was going to break the ice before you did.

“Y/n, I know we don’t talk much about this but I do care about you and I wish you never let any guy hurt you.”

The random words coming from his mouth made your heart race. You never liked talking about this topic and preferred not to talk about other men in front of him. You bite the skin of your lips and look down, scared that he would notice how vulnerable you actually can become if you talk about past relationships.

“I technically came here to have fun.. you know..” You whisper, leaning towards him, smelling his cologne. “I don’t think we should talk about everything I’ve been through with other men.”

He smiled and rubbed your cheek with his long fingers, this is one of the few times he has touched you like this. He never dared to even touch you by accident, but when he did, he would apologise. But to you, there was nothing to apologise for.

“I think we should, now that we’re alone. Talk with your best friend, y/n.” Ethan looked you up and down, slightly biting his bottom lip. You didn’t know why he’s trying to bring this subject up but you felt like talking to someone about your love life. “Vent to me.”

You nodded and sighed. “So what do you wanna know? you already know all of my exes.” You felt ashamed of saying it out loud, ashamed of yourself that you dated so many. But Ethan just stared at you, letting you continue but there’s nothing to continue about.

“I know how you feel right now and trust me, you shouldn’t think of yourself like this. You dated all of them because you felt empty without someone to take care of you, worship you.” He says those words in such a deep and gentle tone. It makes your heart melt and you involuntarily put your head on his shoulder.

“You know me so well,” you whispered. “Do you want some dating advice? is this why you’re so invested in this conversation?”

“No.” He chuckled but went back to a serious tone which only made you feel bad for ‘ruining’ the mood that is supposed to be serious. “You know I’ve never dated anyone and that I would screw things up in my first relationship anyway.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“You screwing up? look at me, I ruined my relationships because I couldn’t feel anything towards them. They left me with a bitter taste of what love truly is.” You start sobbing and squeezed Ethan’s hand. “Maybe I’m just unlovable and.. I can’t love someone, either.”

Ethan looked at you and put one of his fingers under your chin to lift your head up from his shoulder, making you look at him. Eyes filled with tears and your lips were puffy already. You gave in and now he knows how vulnerable you can be at times, another one who knows.

“Don’t cry, you’re not unlovable and you could love someone. You just have to meet the right guy.” He gently grabbed your shoulders, massaging them while you’re trying to break the eye contact.

You were staring at him like you’ve seen a ghost, and you got more surprised as soon as he wiped your tears away with his index finger, his finger slowly moving down to your lips.

“You’re not broken if that’s what you think,” He got extremely closer to you, his lips just a few inches away from yours. “Let yourself feel something with me.”

Before you could say anything, he pressed his lips against yours, your eyes widened. But it didn’t take much longer for you to slowly close them and kiss him back with your hands around him. Pushing your lips more against his.

He wrapped his hands around your waist, squeezing it as he pushes you onto the bed on your back while lips still locked together and he crawled on top of you, biting your lower lip to make you open your mouth and enter his tongue in, desperately searching for yours.

You moan into the kiss as soon as you feel his tongue on yours and his fingers playing with the waistband of your lace underwear. The fact that it was so easy to him to touch your private parts because of you wearing only a tight red dress, was turning him on even more.

He didn’t want to tease you much though, so his fingers found their way to your already wet cunt, massaging your clit slowly through your panties. Making you break the kiss immediately.

“E-Ethan-“ you moaned his name, which only made him get harder and you wetter by how he was stimulating you.

Ethan continues to play with your clit while you involuntarily squeeze your legs, which makes him laugh and use his other hand to spread them again.

"It's obvious you haven't been touched in this area much," he says amusedly as you roll your eyes, unable to form coherent sentences.

He bites his lips and moves your panties to the side, pressing his finger against your now exposed clit. You start gripping the sheets.

"I-It's too much!" You tilt your head back, and Ethan takes advantage, pressing his mouth against your sensitive neck, lightly biting the spot.

"Really? But I haven't even penetrated you yet!" He smiles and licks the now reddened bite mark.

You didn't expect your best friend to take control and do with you everything no other boy has done before. You feel your body burning with pleasure and desire. The feeling is unfamiliar, but you love it.

He takes his finger away from your clit and you moan in frustration, almost wanting to beg him to give you more. He smiles innocently and takes his shirt off, revealing his muscles and abs. You blush slightly at what you’re seeing. Definitely not expecting this.

But your gaze immediately drops when Ethan pulls his belt down along with his pants, throwing them somewhere on the floor. He's hard as a rock, and you have no idea if it will fit. You gulp when his boxers vanish along with his clothes. You see it, and it's big.

"What's wrong, princess? You should know you have to beg if you want it that bad." he teases. "By the way, are there any condoms around here?"

"Y-Yes," you stammer. "On Tara's nightstand. Chad and she are insatiable." You start laughing together.

He opens a pack of condoms and slowly rolls one onto himself, while you undress in front of him and lie back. Eagerly waiting for him to be on top of you again.

"Please..." You spread your legs.

"Please, what?" he chuckles as he teases your wet pussy with his tip.

"Fuck me!" You beg, and he grins, leaning in to passionately kiss you as he enters slowly, groaning while you start to whimper in pain as you feel him stretching you out.

He didn’t move, he’s letting you adjust to his size. Even though it’s confusing because you’re crying and your legs are shaking. He’s about to pull out but you stopped him.

“Are you… a virgin?” He asks you, confused of your look and the way you’re breathing. You nod slightly.

“Just like you.” You replied, a slight shake could be found in your voice. He rolled his eyes, almost annoyed at the fact that he didn’t know you still were.

“Why didn’t you tell me, baby? I could’ve made this more special to you, to both of us.” You groaned at the pet name and smiled, trying to forget the pain as if never existed.

“But this is special, Ethan. I’ve actually wanted you for so long.” You pulled him closer. “Move, I’m going to be fine.”

He nodded, still unsure of what to do and started thrusting it in and out of you, making you roll your eyes in pleasure and instinctively wrap your legs around him.

Ethan groans in your ear as he feels your hand running through his curly hair. You open your eyes wide when his finger quickly rubs your clit.

"Please, don't stop, keep going," you say, your eyes searching for his, and he whispers in your ear in a sensual manner.

"What a good girl," he praises, and your walls tighten around him, making him whimper and bite your neck without any gentleness. You put your hand over your mouth, tears of pleading in your eyes.

"Don't cover that pretty mouth of yours, let me hear you," he moves faster inside you. "I'm close," he whispers.

You moan loudly, struggling to respond. “Me too-" Ethan presses his lips on yours, taking your lower lip between his teeth which made you open your mouth, enough for him to slide his tongue in as he pounds in you faster. And with one final thrust, you cum all over his dick and he catches his own orgasm, releasing into the condom.

He slowly pulls out, sweat visibly on his forehead as he throws the used condom into the trash can next to Tara’s bed. You’ll make sure to throw it somewhere else before she sees it.

“That was amazing!” He tells you, laying on the bed visibly tired but proud that you’re finally his.

You turn to him and smile, searching for his hand. “I’ve wondered what it’s like to touch and feel something, but now I know.” you lean closer and peck his lips.

“Does it mean you’re giving me a chance?” He asked, you could see how the look on his face changed and how his eyes are basically sparkling.

You nodded. “Yes, but we have to put our clothes back on now, the bitches will get home soon.”

#scream smut #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry smut #ethan landry #fem reader #smut #scream 6 #ghostface

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rayraelleaizawa · 2 months

Text

Shanks and Benn help you with Insecurities (chubby reader)

TW: insecurities, comfort, slight angst kinda, description of nudity

Characters: Shanks and Benn Beckmann

You always had struggles with your appearance. Almost all the women you met were thin, had a small waist, big boobs and a nice ass. But you? You had thick thighs, a bigger stomach, you simply had more weight than others. At first you didn't know that it was a challenge to not look like all those beautifull women out there. But then you noticed, that shopping for clothes was different for you. The stares of others were different on you. How they acted towards you was different. You grew up and realized, that you werent as much worth as people who were beautiful. Otherwise they wouldnt make fun of you, right? Otherwise they would accept you and treat you kindly, and not leave you out of everything. Right?

You tried a lot to lose weight and to become one of those beautful girls, but no matter how hard you tried or how less you ate you just couldnt seem to make it.

At some point you just accepted that you'll never have what others have. You left the island you were born on and started sailing around. You didnt want to wait for someone to do that with you when it was clear that no one would come.

But your world changed one day when you walked into a bar full of loudly yelling and laughing men. It was raining quite heavy so you couldnt avoid all those people like you usually would. You quietly walked up to the bar counter and ordered something to drink and eat. The men in your back were laughing and playing cards, and you tried to shut those thoughts down who told you that they were now also laughing about you.

A few seats next to you sat a tall man with red hair, also eating something. You looked at him and he looked at you and smiled. An honest smile. And that smile should change your whole world.

Two years later you were now the captains and the vice captains girlfriend, the crew loved and respected you and you loved and respected them. Benn and Shanks didnt let you go again after Shanks saw you in that bar, he knew you were special. You were always gratefull towards them both for giving you a family, to give you love. They helped you out of the dark hole you were in, helped you to see yourself in a better light.

The whole crew helped you to accept yourself. To love yourself. And you will always be grateful for that.

But it was still hard sometimes, those thoughts sometimes came back and then you were feeling bad and insecure about yourself.

Your two lovers noticed that of course, they always did. The whole crew noticed it. You were covering yourself more, eating less, smiling less, didnt want to go out, didnt want to go shopping, you mostly spent time in the quarters you shared with your lovers.

You were eyeing yourself in the mirror, gripping at the skin and picking around, tracing the lines on your stomach were the skin had ripped. You had tears running down your face as you just couldnt understand how those people could love you when you were such a pain in the eyes.

Suddenly you heard the door opening and Shanks and Benn walking inside, talking quietly cause they thought you'd be asleep by now. You held your breath as you didnt dare to move in the bathroom, and just hoped they wouldnt try to open the locked door and see you like that. They had an officer meeting and you said you were tired and wanted to go to sleep earlier, so you left and thought you had enough time for yourself to cry about what those ugly thoughts in your mind told you. Well, apparently you were wrong.

You waited for them to hopefully just go to sleep, but your hopefull thinking was cut short when someone tried to open the bathroom door.

"Darling, are you inside there?"

You heard Shanks call out to you. You shakily answered "Y-Yeah I-I'll be out-t in a m-minute!" as you looked around for something to cover yourself. You couldnt let them see your naked body. You realiced you had left your clothes outside and there were no towels left in the bathroom.

Benn and Shanks heard you rummaging through the bathroom and their worry increased by the second.

"Sweetheart, open the door, please"

Benn spoke carefully. You started to panic as you couldnt find anything to cover up, and this big mirror just kept on showing you every flaw you thought your body had and your mind just repeated those hatefull thoughts that they would leave you if they saw you like this. That you would be all alone and unloved again. Tears spilled down your face as you tried to make an excuse on why it took you so long, but in the end you just sat there and tried to muffle your cries.

Your two lovers on the outside of the door of course heard you and tried to get the door open. They succeeded after some time, but you were too far in your head to notice it. You were crying, and shaking, and your head was burried in your knees and your hands shielded your head as you just wished you wouldnt be there anymore.

Shanks and Benn immediatelly were by your side, trying to get you to look at them, asking what was wrong and trying to calm you down.

After some time you told them what was wrong, they had a suspicion that it was this topic bothering you again. Benn pressed you against his chest as you told them every cruel thought in your mind, your hands still trying to cover yourself up.

When you calmed down again, Benn picked you up and carried you to the bed. Shanks laid down on it, and Benn laid you in between Shanks legs so that you sat in between them, your upper body leaning against his torso. Then Benn sat down at your legs.

"Buttercup you're the most beautful woman in this world to us"

he spoke.

"And we will show you that every time you need to see it, pumpkin"

Shanks ended the sentence. And with that, Benn and Shanks started to kiss every inch of your body. It didnt matter how you protested and writhed underneath them, they kissed you everywhere. Your head, shoulders, face, breasts, stomache, thighs, feet, toes, between your legs, your back, everwhere. They didnt leave out an inch and smothered you with affection.

When they were finished, you were panting and writhing in between their both holds.

"Please talk to us when those bad thoughts come again. There is nothing wrong with seeking out help. We love you. You'll never be alone again, okay little dove?"

Shanks spoke as he caressed your stomach and Benn pressed a kiss on your cheek.

"You are beautifull just the way you are, and we love you just the way you are. We love you. You and only you. Got that, little firestorm?"

#benn beckman #shanks x reader #one piece shanks #one piece #comfort #shanks x chubby reader #benn x chubby reader #akagami no shanks #red hair shanks #shanks #red hair pirates #shanks x benn x reader

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stcrgazings · 2 years

Text

Why won’t you love me | (c.l)

you can read part two here

note: sooo, why won’t you love me was the one you guys asked the most so i didn’t post it sooner because i was in the middle of finals but, here it is i really liked how it turned out, hope y’all enjoy! (The 1 series it’s next) let me know if you want to know more about it because I am suuuper excited.

pairing: charles leclerc x female reader

summary: after a very crappy week you and Charles reach breaking point, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to get back after this.

warning: angst, cursing, screaming, fighting, dick and douchebag charles, angst, small mention of panic attack.

word count: 2.3K

——

On the first day that Charles arrive from the Hungarian Grand Prix to your apartment for the start of summer break, you waited up, it was Monday at about 4am when the door opened showing you tired boyfriend entering the place, he said hi to you, gave you a small peck on the lips and then he entered his simulator room locking the door behind him without saying another word.

You felt your stomach sink at your boyfriends attitude towards you but you tried not to give it so much though knowing that he was probably upset about the result of the race and didn’t want to take out his anger on you.

So you went to sleep on an empty bed, like you were already used to.

On Tuesday you woke up and the place beside you was already empty, Charles already locked up in his simulator room, so you went out to have breakfast with your friends and then to the gym, and then back to your place, and on the way there you got Charles his favorite pasta on his favorite restaurant, it was kinda pricey but you didn’t mind, just wanting to make him feel better.

You took a shower when you arrived living the pasta for him to grab at the kitchen counter, but when you got out you found him eating a box of Chinese food, him saying he “didn’t really feel like pasta today”. You smiled at him and shrugged it off, clearly annoyed that you got him this 200$ euro pasta that he always liked, and he didn’t even said thank you, nor ate it, but you ignore it as he once again locked himself in his simulator without another word, when you went to sleep that day he was still up playing, so you fell asleep alone again, your boyfriend a few meters from you but feeling further away even more than when on race weekends.

On Wednesday you check that everything was ready for your trip to Italy, checking the romantic reservation you made a few weeks ago in a fancy hotel with a romantic set up to try and surprise Charles, but when he got to the apartment after his afternoon training session a confused look showed up on his face as he watch you pack your suitcase in the living room while drinking a glass of wine.

“What?” You asked with a perky smile as you folded one of your swimsuits, he smiled back at you. “I don’t know, which one to take, black or red” you asked holding the two bikinis over your head for him to see.

He smiled as he approached you. “Red, obviously”

So you nodded as you folded the swimsuit into the bag.

“Baby…” Charles whispered as he sat next to you, pushing the suitcase away, making you turn around to face him, your cheeks and nose redden because of the wine, now the confused look on your face as you crunched your nose.

“I canceled the trip to Italy, I just want to stay home for the summer break” you felt your heart shatter in your chest as the words hit you like a brick, he cancelled the trip, without consulting it with you, because he just didn’t feel like it, and you wanted to say a lot of things in that moment, but nothing came out as you simply nodded tears almost forming in your eyes. “It’s okay”

“Thank you baby, I knew you would understand” he thanked as he lifted himself of the ground before kissing your shoulder and make his way back to his simulator room.

And you accept it, because he was tired and just wanted to be home, even though you had planned your outfits for the trip and the romantic surprise for him for weeks.

So you downed the remaining of your glass of wine as you toss the new lingerie you got for him back to your room and out of the suitcase.

Thursday was no different you woke up and he was gone, and went to sleep with him still up, alone again.

By Friday you make your famous caramel brownies, Charles’ favorites, you only made them for special occasions like his birthday or Christmas with his mom, but you wanted to see if maybe with these Charles would give you a little bit of his attention, so you put your prettiest red lingerie with a robe on top and as he got out of the room he asked. “What it’s that’s smell? It’s great”

“I made brownies baby” you said taking one to your mouth as the robe partially opened showing the lingerie you had bought a few weeks ago meant for the Italy trip.

“Oh, I’ll try them later baby, I’ll go have some lunch with the boys, love you” he said as he grab the car keys of his Ferrari and closed the apartment door behind him, not even glancing at you.

So you basically shoved the brownie up your throat as you kick the lingerie off you and got yourselves in some sweats and Charles’ hoodie as you drank wine and fell asleep on the couch.

Saturday was the breaking point.

You got up and went out with one of your best friends Kelly Picket and her beautiful kid, Penelope, you actually had a great time, and when you got home you put your pajamas and throw yourself in the living room as you played yours and Charles favorite movie, Love Rosie.

Mid-movie Charles got out of his room, took some popcorn of your lap and then tried to walk to the kitchen for some water but you didn’t let him as you grabbed his arm and pulled him basically on top of you.

“Watch the movie with me” you asked of him, as your lips were centimeters away from each other, and he smile and for a moment you heart flusters as you thought that maybe he was going to say yes.

“I don’t really feel like it” was the only thing he said as he freed himself from your grasp and walked to the kitchen.

“Pleaaaase” you begged, pushed even but you just wanted some time with him, to hug him, to feel like he was actually there with you and not the shadow that only comes out of the room to eat.

“No, plus we’ve already seen that movie a thousand times”

“Then we’ll watch another movie, please Charles” you pouted and making him turn around annoyance now clearly on his face.

“I already said no, why you gotta be so needy annoying all the time, god” he spat as he closed the door of the refrigerator and walked back again to the simulator room.

But when those words left his mouth you felt everything that you had swallowed the entirety of the week he’d been at home explode like a bottle of champagne and the first thing you thought was;

oh my god, I am going to kill him.

“Excuse me?” You asked trying to understand if you just heard those words correctly as you stood up angrily from the couch throwing the pillow on top of you away as you walked to his simulator room, he stopped as he heard you, standing in the door of it.

“You heard me, why can’t you just understand that I need some alone time? I’m not in the mood right now”

“Why can’t I understand?” You asked almost in disbelief as he looked you dead in the eye and nodded, fucking nodded. “You’ve been a whole dick to me the entirety of the week you’ve been here and I’m not being understanding enough”

“What? When have I been a dick to you? Are you craz—“

“When have I not been understanding enough Charles?!” You asked in frustration as tears began forming of your eyes.

“When?! Maybe I haven’t been understanding enough with the fact that you haven’t looked at me, or touch me or kissed me or fucked me in the whole week you’ve been here? Oh no wait, you actually haven’t fucked me since you arrived from the French Grand Prix about two weeks ago when you took me on the counter to let go of your frustrations and then left to your simulators room which is something you now tend to do very often” you laughed sourly, as he looked at you like you’d gone nuts.

“What-? Why are you so fucking angry at me I didn’t really mea-“ Charles tried to approach you as he walked towards you, rolling his eyes as he tried to wrap his arm around your waist.

But the thing is, saying you were angry was the understatement of the century and Charles didn’t know that as a surprise expression and maybe even a little hurt showed up on his face as you push him away.

“Or maybe I wasn’t understanding enough when you cancelled our trip to Italy, something you knew I was excited for, just because you didn’t fucking feel like it”

“I didn’t wanted to go!” Now he was getting angry too as he raised his voice with that joke of an excuse.

“Just like you didn’t want the fucking 200€ pasta I got you on Tuesday? Because you didn’t feel like pasta? Or just like you didn’t wanted the fucking brownies that i made you when you didn’t even register me as you went to have lunch with your boys or to watch the stupid movie you love with me? Just because you don’t feel like it or just don’t fucking want to.”

“I never asked you to do any of those stupid things, don’t put that on me” he said and you nodded a cynical smile plastering on your face as you walked away from him.

“I’ve taken all the shit you’ve thrown at me these past week, and I am being needy and annoying?” You asked, clearly upset as angry tears streamed down your face.

“Yes, it’s like you can’t simply understand that I don’t want any of those things, I just want to be left alone”

“Why don’t you try and understand for a chance, because I try every fucking time to love you and it’s like you don’t let me”

“Why are you being like this? Just let it go”

You stared at him, feeling your heart shatter on your chest as a single tear slipped through your cheek, making a small part of Charles shrink as he watched the mess he made upon you.

“Baby…” you whispered, as you tried to approach him again, your hand going to his face as your fingers grasped his cheek. “I know you feel disappointed, and upset and hopeless and I know it sucks”

Charles took you’re hand out of his face, as he took a step back.

“Stop it I’m fine”

“Really?” You asked sarcastically, as he rolled his eyes once again.

“Yep, just leave me alone, you can’t be acting so annoying and immature just because i didn’t took you to the stupid trip to Italy”

“You what Charles?” He stared at you, clearly not wanting to hear you anymore, but you kept talking, exhausted from just take it all in and repressing your feelings. “I know you don’t like ultimatums, I don’t either but you either get fucking shit together or I’ll leave because it seems like you don’t even want me here anymore”

“Then leave” was all that he said, not a glimpse of feeling or regret or anything on his face. “Maybe you’re right and I don’t really need you anymore”

You nodded, trying to kept the tears to continue to run down your cheeks. “Maybe you don’t even love me anymore and we don’t even know what we’re doing here”

“Maybe” was all that he said, wanting for you to do something, but you were never one to beg for someone to love you, or something and even though you loved Charles with every beat of your heart you were tired so you just walked away even when you didn’t really wanted to but If you leaving was something that Charles really wanted you weren’t going to change his mind.

“So that’s exactly what I’ll do, I’ll leave so you can’t continue to self pity yourself and push everyone away” you sobbed as you grabbed the keys to your car but before you left but turned around one last time, as he watched you leave not even looking sorry or hurt. “The only thing I can’t really understand it’s why don’t you love me, but I guess that’s on you and not really me” you spat as you slammed the apartment door behind you.

By the time you got to the elevator you completely broke down, tears streaming down your face as you sobbed uncontrollably, and pressed on your chest as you felt like your heart was about to come out of your chest and the air on your lungs was missing, you just wanted to get out of there, far away from Charles and the apartment you had spent this last week so miserably.

You closed your eyes shut as you pressed your back against the wall of the elevator in a failed attempt to steady your breathing knowing the feeling that was coming all too well.

So you grabbed your phone and started dialing the number of your best friend and as his voice ringed in your ears, you felt a little relief as you spoke.

“Daniel? Ca-Can you come and pick me up” you sobbed in the phone.

“What? What happened?” The worry was clear on the Australian’s voice as the sound of clattering and keys was made in the other side of the line.

“Char— Charles and I had a fig— please” was the only sentence you could form as a door slammed on his side.

“I’m on my way” he said as he hung up, and you started sobbing again in the elevator floor.

The words still repeating in the back of your mind as you felt your entire word crash beneath you.

Why?

Why? Why? Why?

Why won’t you love me?

#french grand prix #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc x oc #f1 oneshot #charles leclerc x female character #f1 fic #charles leclerc #charles leclerc drabble #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #ferrarri #daniel ricciardo #f1 angst #charles leclerc angst

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the-doomed-witch · 1 year

Text

✦ The Sky Is Where I Fell (For You)

Wanda Maximoff x Female!Reader | Flight Attendants AU

Summary: When you and a former fellow trainee attend a flight together, but a really attractive blonde wishes to dally with you, feelings unravel. (Read Warnings)

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. MINORS + MEN DNI. smut, angst, jealousy, a bit of toxicity, brief Carol Danvers x Reader, Carol is a bit of an asshole here i’m sorry, top!reader & bottom!wanda, oral (wanda receiving), fingering (wanda receiving), semi-public, sex on an airplane lmao, finger sucking, daddy kink, praise kink, use of pet names, cunt slapping (wanda receiving), multiple orgasms, orgasm control

Author’s Note: those are a lot of warnings compared to any of my works 😭 you can guess that it’s just smut because i really would love to fuck flight attendant!wanda she’s such a little baby🥺 please don’t judge this harshly it’s my first time writing a lot of smut in one fic (as if it’s a lot) besides, i’m sorry for whatever character carol has you’ll kinda have to bear that i love carol danvers 😩 to the two dots anon, i hope you like this <3

Masterlist

YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO REPOST OR COPY MY WORK.

— ✦ —

The plane reached the runway, and it was time for you and Wanda to take your seats at the cabin crew seats. She sits down next to you and you give her a smile. You were familiar with her back from your training days, but nothing more.

It was common for you though, to attend a flight with a person you barely knew, so you were quite thankful for knowing her name rather than asking her last minute.

You fasten your seatbelts and breathe deeply before the airplane starts the take-off on the runway. The flight was supposed to be 9 hours long, and you felt like you were already exhausted. It meant multiple rounds around the cabin and constant checking around here and there. There were some more crew members resting in the crew rest apartment above you, who would cover the latter shift, so it was a relief.

The plane started running, then almost glided on the land, and no sooner than that, you departed from the grounds of the city you may never even come back to. The moment the land was not in touch with the wheels of the plane, you felt a wave gulfing you. Past went the tall buildings, and past went the cotton-like clouds.

Upon reaching the peak of the horizon, you take a deep breath. A substantial part of your work gets cut off the moment a take-off is successful. It means you can breathe for a few minutes, despite the change in altitude.

“Y/N, if I’m not wrong?” Wanda asks you, still smiling at you. You nod in reply, not really sure what else could have been said. “I think we know each other? Remember the Carter Airline Academy? A brunette girl, kinda shy, oh and I have a twin brother as well?” Her hair was gorgeously reddish ginger now. Maybe that’s why she preferred to indicate her former hair colour.

“Oh yes, Wanda! I remember you, we never interacted much but I know you.” You pretend to have just recognised her. But she looks so happy about it, it’s the least one could do for her. Her contented smile is so precious and contagious, that you cannot help but beam right back at her. “Well, now is the time if you wanna “interact much” you know. I don’t wanna get bored today.”

“Neither do I.”

— ✦ —

On the first round around the cabin, while serving the pre-booked meals, you happened to make an acquaintance. You and Wanda had been giving out the meals and drinks starting from the very first row, but as you proceeded forward, some of the overhead storage cabins started loosening. You asked Wanda to take the snack cart back to its place, to avoid a fuss.

Walking down the aisle, you closed and locked overhead cabins. And when your head was tilted to a side, a powerful looking woman with blonde hair stood up and shut the one behind you, before you could get hurt. You immediately turn around to see a muscular arm holding down the shutter. Goddamn.

“Th-Thank you ma’am,” you managed to say to her, “Is there anything I can do in return?”

She gives you a smile, and says, “First of all, Carol, please. And second of all, nothing. You’re an absolute cutie.” The last sentence was whispered in a low tone, then she winked at you. You were losing your mind standing next to her, she was superhumanly attractive. So you just blush and walk away back to Wanda to continue with your work.

“Carol Danvers” you mumble, looking at the list of passengers, and went back to giving out the meals.

While giving out the rest of the usual meals, you meet Carol once again. As she paid for her meal, she handed out a card with her phone number on it. You felt a bit of awkwardness with the passengers sitting next to her watching the two of you. However, you walk away twinking back to her. There was a high chance you were probably never going to call Carol, but you appreciated her very much. Plus, she was quite charismatic.

You enter the compartment where you and Wanda sat, and shut the door behind you. “How have you been ever since… you know, the academy?” you try initiating conversation with Wanda. She stares at you with a blank face, and you are confused. “Fine, I guess.”

You didn’t allow her bland response to ruin your mood. You just got hit on by a really pretty woman and you were here, trying to hit on the one beside you. You take out the card from your pocket and stare at it, while Wanda watches you.

“Actually, you know what Y/N? Why don’t you just go and fuck her? Seems like you have a lot of fucking to do. Hmm?” She asks you as her face tilted towards you, her warm breath on your cold cheeks.

Not going to lie, you did consider hooking up with Carol because you have been really needy all morning. But the way Wanda phrased it was very rude, so your expression faltered. “So… you’re jealous? Well uh, I don’t know how to phrase this well but I’m sure Wanda there are plenty of people who wanna fuck you. I can guarantee you, actually.”

“That is so fucking not what I meant.”

“Well what you’re thinking isn’t what I meant either.” You place a hand on her shoulder and get up, walking away towards the passengers’ compartment, letting your hand slowly slip away as you walk. You could sense Wanda’s reddened face from the back of your head. You go around asking every passenger if they required something.

You reach Carol and ask her, “Do you need anything, ma’am?” She gives you a wide smirk, “Nothing that I can’t think of.” She knew her game all too well, and she was being a fucking champion at it. But you were a bit more enticed by the redhead you left behind to contemplate.

Upon re-entering the cabin crew compartment, you saw Wanda waiting patiently for you. You sit down on the seat opposite to her, so that you would be able to notice her expressions. She nudged you to shut the door behind you.

The very second you two were alone, Wanda practically dived at you; connecting your lips with hers, moving along with you rhythmically. When you both begin gasping for air, you start marking Wanda’s neck gently, just enough to make her feel aroused, and to not affect her professional attire. Not that her shirt wasn’t already ruined, and her skirt on the verge of being so.

Her hands reach your shirt, and she proceeds to unbutton it, but you hold her hands in place. “You need to be a good girl and ask me first, baby. Or I won’t be touching you. You understand what I’m saying?”

She places her hands on your cheeks, each on one side, and says, “Yes daddy, I’ll be a good girl for you. Can I take off your shirt?” You groan at the honorific, unable to resist your need to give her what she wants right away.

“Hmm, we’ll see about that later. Let me get a taste of your pretty pussy first.” You guide her on the seat beside you, and spread her legs wide open. Her shirt rumples upwards and you slip both your hands under her skirt to pull down her panties. Wanda bucks up her hips, the way you were slow with your hands, tracing down her thighs with gentle fingers, leaving her longing for more. When you’re done talking them off her, you see her literally dripping and glistening.

“Does daddy really make her good girl so wet?” Wanda’s breathing intensifies. Your waft warmly, light against her core, that makes her need more and more of you.

“Daddy?”

“Hmm baby?” You hum against her again, making her almost go feral right there.

“My stockings… I have only one pair of them… I can’t ruin them today, please?”

“I got you baby. Daddy’s not gonna leave a drop at all anyways.” You gently kiss her cunt and then lick up a stripe. Wanda bucks up her hips again, looking for the friction she was aching for. Again, you lick up her slit slowly, teasingly.

“Da-daddy please.” Wanda says clutching your hair with desperation. “I promise you I will be a- Ah!” You start eating her out, with a pace she could barely keep up with. Wanda’s chest was heaving as she panted, her legs slowly wrapping themselves around you, as you sat on the floor.

Eventually, you stimulate her clit, making her moan too loud. You were glad that the door was soundproof and whatever sound that escaped wouldn’t be heard by people travelling kilometres above the ground. She was struggling to speak, but Wanda managed to say, “Daddy, I’m going to come. Can I, please?”

On your lack of response, she pulled your head in closer into her. You were too busy absolutely devouring Wanda. Not many moments later, she starts coming, and you keep up your promise by licking it all up. Her stockings were perfectly fine.

Gently, you stand on your knees and pull her face down in a deepened kiss, giving her a taste of her sweetness. She moaned against your lips and pulled you in impossibly closer. You both pulled away only when air became a necessity, but stayed in your little proximity. You help her get cleaned up and make her look presentable again. Her entire makeup was messed up because of the kissing and sweating.

The moment was tender, with her looking directly in your eyes as you held her chin and applied her lipstick. Her face was perilously close to yours. “Daddy, may I?” she asks for your consent, before connecting your lips again, but less intensely this time. She laughs and says, “Now I fixed your lipstick too.”

“I think we should mess it up quite often.”

“We were the ones who messed it up in the first place.”

“I know exactly what I said.”

Suddenly, you get the signal for another round of water and drinks around the passengers’ compartment and you have to go out reluctantly. “Y/N, do I look okay?”

“Well in my humble opinion, mademoiselle, you are fucking slaying.”

She burst out laughing at your little humour but didn’t realise you meant it. “Stop joking, and tell me if I look presentable enough or not!”

“Yeah, yeah you do Wanda.”

— ✦ —

Outside, you are met with Carol once again. You decided you’d better not hurt Wanda’s feelings this time, even though you didn’t know what terms you both were on. Carol’s seat was on the aisle side, so it was quite easy for her to flirt with you.

She conveniently dropped her phone the moment you passed next to her. “I’ll get it for you, ma’am.” you said, but she held you back, and bent down to her side, lightly brushing your thighs while doing so. Her touch gave you goosebumps all over the place, but you kept moving forward, knowing completely well that Wanda had been staring at the interaction with rage.

Back inside your compartment, Wanda seemed pissed off. “What are you even being so furious about? I am not even a guilty party here!” You plead, not knowing what else you could say.

She parted her lips slightly, but chose not to say whatever she had at the tip of her tongue. “Actually, let’s just go to the crew rest compartment. It’s time to switch shifts anyways.”

Before you two could leave, you heard a knock on the door between the compartments. You opened it to see Carol standing there, leaning on one of her arms. “Do you need something, ma’am?” Wanda asks on your behalf, because you seemed too troubled yourself. “Maybe just a moment with your colleague?” she replies, eyes still locked on you.

You add on to the conversation, “I’m afraid the passengers are not permitted in here, only the crew members.” But Carol pulls out something from her pocket; a pilot licence, to your surprise. “Am I still allowed?”

Placing her licence back in its place, she steps towards you. You side-eye Wanda as a signal to not leave you alone, but she walked right away. “Hey, I know you have been returning all my advances, so why are you denying it?” Her hands land on your waist, pushing you against the closed door. “Carol… Please don’t.”

“I love it when you say my name. Say it again, will you?”

“What will it take for you to leave me alone?” You throw her hands off you in rage. “Just a kiss, please?”

“I can’t do that I’m- Look, you just can’t be serious.”

“Yeah, I am serious.”

“I cannot believe I am doing this. Just don’t expect anything more from me, okay?” You feel guilty but you lean forward to give a small peck on the corner of her lips. You don’t allow her time to say anything, and motion for her to leave. Wanda was rightfully pissed off when you told her what happened, but you didn’t leave out anything, because you wanted her to trust you.

“You cannot be for real Y/N! You really consented to kissing her? That’s really not justified, especially when we just- Gosh.”

“Wanda, she could’ve done worse to me! It was forced consent! I didn’t know how else I could escape, I know what I did was wrong but I didn’t even have a choice. Besides, I don’t even know if you like me or we just fucked for a while.”

“So you really can’t see what I’ve been trying to say? Did you even pay attention to me at all or just had sex with the first woman you could find? Fuck off, Y/N.”

— ✦ —

The other two flight attendants who would be covering the second shift were Natasha Romanoff and Maria Hill. You had met Maria before, but only ever heard of the former. Wanda didn’t wait for you to gather your things and walked right away, leaving you alone. She was being way too unreasonable for someone who hasn’t even declared who you are to her. She didn’t understand that you needed a verbal confirmation, not the little signals.

Entering the compartment, you were met with the most outrageous sight — Wanda was quite a bit too comfortable with some other redhead who you assumed to be Natasha. One arm wrapped around her waist, the other holding her chin. Wanda’s hands were in Natasha’s hair, pulling her closer and closer towards her. Just the moment you clear your throat to signify your presence, they both turn their heads to see you and Wanda tells Natasha, “And that is Y/N Y/L/N. Y/N, meet Natasha Romanoff.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Natasha says courteously. You return her politeness and then add, “I presume you two already know each other?”

Wanda answers the question with an air of smugness, “Kinda well enough.” You take your stuff with you to go and rest in your respective area. Wanda takes the one right across you. Though there is a curtain segregating the areas, you felt like she was watching you through the opaqueness.

“Y/N, can we talk?” She approaches you, funnily enough.

“Oh I’m surprised to hear that. How about, let’s say, no?”

“I want to clear this out. I don’t want to play this game of jealousy with you. I’m sorry, I guess I was a little affected, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t know Wanda. Do you want this to last for a while or just a one time thing? I need an answer.”

“Definitely not a one time thing. Can this be… a little bit more? I think I’ve had a liking for you ever since the academy.” She begins to speak timidly, just like she was during the training years. “I’m really sorry, Y/N.”

You give her space to lay down next to you, and gradually begin hovering over her. “For that, you need to let daddy punish you for what you did. If you’ll be a good girl this time, daddy will reward her princess.” Your fingers trace her facial features, till you put two of them in her mouth, gesturing to her to suck on them. Shoving them deep down her throat, you praise her by saying, “What a perfect baby you are. But you have been very slutty today. Daddy needs to take care of that, doesn’t she?” You shove your fingers down deeper, and pull them out immediately. A strand of her saliva dangling over them.

You unbutton her skirt, and take off her stockings, being careful to keep them safely folded in the corner. Although Wanda knew you were being mindful of her wishes, she wanted to feel you inside of her desperately.

Her panties were really damp, and she couldn’t resist but rub her thighs against each other. The moment you saw her doing so, you held her legs apart. “Uh huh, no baby. What did I tell you about being good?”

“But daddy, please. Your princess needs you.”

“Are you going to be good and be patient or are you going to keep arguing and not get touched at all?” Her silence gave you a perfect response. You bend down to kiss her and completely captivate her under you.

Agonisingly, you pull down her panties, till her bottom was completely bare and there for you to wreck. The next moment, her heated, dripping cunt was met with a stinging slap. Wanda lets out a wail and her posture stiffens. “Sorry princess, but daddy needs to make sure you’re a whore for her and her only.” You add with pretentious innocence, followed by another slap.

Almost tearfully, Wanda requests you, “Daddy I swear I will behave, please touch me. I’m your whore, and yours only.” Her response was sufficiently satisfactory for you.

So you put in two of your digits in her heat, your shirt already a mess. Wanda clutches her hands tight on the bedsheet as you fuck her intensely, hitting all the deep spots inside of her.

She bites her bottom lip to avoid screaming, but you tell her, “I wanna hear you baby, tell everybody how you’re a slut for daddy.” Little by little, the volume of her moans increased. She was panting heavily, her diaphragm contracting and expanding hastily. And when the walls of her cunt were clenching around your fingers, you knew she was very close to her orgasm.

“Daddy pl-please, can I come?” Her ginger hair was spread beautifully on the bed, and a few strands on her face. You could almost see the brunette Wanda you had once known — the one you often encountered during breaks, the one your heart had remembered for so long, the one right below you.

“Hold back princess, you look so beautiful like this. Come when daddy asks you to. You don’t know for how long I’ve been dying to get you under me like this.” Her breathing is laboured, even more than before. You begin sucking on her neck, biting harshly to leave marks all over. After a few moments, you realise she wouldn’t be able to hold it in any longer, so you ask her to make a mess over your fingers.

You help Wanda ride through her climax, little beads of sweat running down her body and yours. She looked stunning, with her little smile and eye contact with you. You withdraw your fingers and put them in her mouth again. “Suck ‘em clean, princess.” The feeling of her tongue around your fingers was incredibly erotic, you looked at her fondly.

“You’ve been such a good girl for daddy. You think you can give her another one, baby?” The question left Wanda struck. She hadn’t imagined you’d not let the ego consume you, considering her elaborate past with emotionally unavailable, egoistic partners. She looked at you with no calculable expressions. “Wanda, are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you need water?” you try snapping her back to reality, suddenly worried if it was all too much for her.

Her eyelashes flutter and she groans, arching her back. She whispers, “Make me your fucktoy daddy.” The immediate wetness pooling in your underwear was unmatched.

After multiple rounds of orgasms, she was almost fatigued, ready to be asleep. With her eyelids drooling, she says, “Can I please return the favour, daddy?” You smile at her innocence. “It’s okay baby, you are tired right now and need to rest. Besides, you did so well. I’ll use my strap on you as soon as we reach inside the airport and get our luggage, okay? You want daddy’s cock do you not?” She hums in response, “Mhmm.” Teasingly, you softly press her extremely sensitive clit with your thumb, making her moan and twitch completely. You giggle at her and kiss her forehead. “You’re so fucking beautiful, princess.”

You relax your back as you lay down next to her. Right when you were about to doze off, Wanda tilts towards you and says, “Hey, Y/N.”

“Yes Wanda?”

“I’m sorry for everything that happened earlier. I guess I have been in many relationships that have put these scars on me. But I promise I’ll work on my trust and jealousy issues.” Her hands comb through your hair, softly massaging your head. “I’m sorry too, Wanda. I’m glad that you’re trying to heal yourself and work on everything. But mostly, thank you for choosing to open up to me.”

She slips a hand inside your shirt, cups your breast, and both of you fell asleep for the rest of the flight.

— ✦ —

[Extra Scene]

Maria returns to the crew resting compartment to collect a sheet of paper she had forgotten about, followed by Natasha behind her. Natasha holds her by the waist and begins planting soft kisses on her neck, and under the earlobes. Maria almost tumbled into the area across the passage, where Wanda was supposed to rest.

But then they both notice Wanda’s skirt thrown onto the passage, and your bare feet peeping out the curtain. It was evident that you and Wanda were sleeping together.

“Guess we’re all simply gay.” Maria shrugs before making out with the Russian again.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x reader #wanda x y/n #wanda x you #wanda x fem!reader #mcu wanda #scarlet witch x y/n #scarlet witch x you #scarlet witch x reader #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff smut

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vxnillavampir · 6 months

Text

3 am - Leon S. Kennedy.

i don’t really know what this is? i was listening to mitski one night and i bet you all know how the rest of that goes.

warnings: angst, mentions of trauma, kind of fluff? i guess? it’s not smut that’s for sure. not proofread and with all of my stuff i just want to say my account is 18+ only mdni!!

word count: 1217 words

pairing: leon x gn!reader

(a/n) sooooo this is kinda my first writing post on this new account and I just want to say hi, if you’re new here…hi hello. I used to write for tlou on my old blog (rxllingstones)! i honestly didn’t know how to end this so it feels a bit rushed but anyways, enjoy!

You open your eyes to the dark bedroom you shared with your boyfriend, trying to mentally prepare for what the rest of the night is going to entail. Shifting your spot on the bed to face him, you find Leon lying there—already awake. His drained expression conveyed that he had been having nightmares. His body language told you that he had been lying awake for a while, and you knew that you had to do something to make him feel better. You reached out to him, your hand gently gracing his arm."Leon?" Your voice was barely above a whisper but it was enough to draw his attention towards you. His expression had already softened slightly.

"Yeah?" His voice was shaky like he was trying to hold back tears. Instinctively, you bring your hand up to his cheek to comfort him, your thumb rubbing small circles along the soft skin. "Had a nightmare?" You ask even though you already know the answer. He nodded sheepishly before sitting up on the bed. His head fell in his hands as he tried to hold back tears desperately. He was so tired of crying about the same. Exact. Thing. Over and over again. He felt as if he was only allowed to talk about the matter a certain amount of times, and once he reached that quota he had to just keep it to himself the best he could. You stay quiet, letting him take his time to process whatever he wants to say next.

After a few moments, he speaks. "I just keep thinking about that night," he says, his voice breaking as he struggles to keep the tears from coming.

"I'm sorry." You were able to hear through his mumbles. Those words broke your heart. "Baby, you never have to apologize for being upset..." You try to soothe even though you know the two of you are going to go into your usual pattern when he wakes up in the middle of the night. He wakes up from a nightmare, he feels guilty about it, you comfort him and the whole thing starts up again a few days later. Looking at the clock on the nightstand it read:

3:23 am

You sit up on the bed as well so you can rub small circles along his back, the gesture easing him into your embrace. Leon leaned his head against your shoulder as you rubbed his back before completely face-planting into your lap, adjusting himself so he could get comfortable in this new position. You felt a sense of comfort as you watched Leon settle into your lap, content to be in your embrace. You enjoyed the feeling of being needed and appreciated, and you were glad to be able to give him the comfort and security he needed.

He always looks so small like this, no matter his size or stature, he looks almost petite. You bring your hand up to caress his cheek and wipe away any leftover stray tears. "I'm here baby, let it out..."

You just held him. His golden locks were entangled in your fingers as his head rested in your lap. You watched as his muscular form shook, Leon's sobs being muffled by the fabric of your checkered pajama pants. You felt yourself tearing up, your heart aching for him. The sight of him breaking down like this was enough for you to feel just a little bit of his pain. The ice-cold emptiness eating away at your heart, the feeling nearly suffocating.

You wanted to comfort him, to make him feel better, to make him know that he wasn't alone. You wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright, but you couldn't. So you held him, in silence, feeling the warmth of his tears and body against your own. His strong arms wrap around you, pulling you in as if you are the only thing keeping him afloat. He would just sink and disappear if his arms weren't around you like a life preserver.

Leon shifts slightly so he can face you, his icy blue eyes showing signs of exhaustion. "It's just... I can't escape it, you know? The screams, the chaos, the feeling of helplessness." His voice trembled with the rawness of his emotions. "I'm just so scared that I'm going to lose everything."

"If you're not scared, you're not human." Your words hang in the air for a moment and they couldn't be more true. After Leon encountered those soulless monsters again and again in different forms, it was nice to be reminded that although these feelings are awful, they're a reminder that he's still alive. He's still somewhat himself. Leon clutched onto your words like a lifeline, desperate for the reassurance that you were truly here for him. Your soothing touch and comforting words echoed in his mind, pushing back the darkness that threatened to consume him. "I'm not going anywhere."

In that moment, he allowed himself to believe in the words you spoke. He found solace in the bond you shared, in the unconditional love you offered.

Letting out a shaky sigh, his arms leave your side and his hand finds its way to yours, intertwining his fingers with yours in a silent gesture of trust. "You always know the right things to say to get me to relax," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "And I promise you that I'll do everything I can to make sure you're safe and that what happened in Raccoon City never happens again." His grip on your hand tightened slightly as if clinging to you as an anchor in the storm.

Your eyebrows stitch together in a concerned expression, your free hand still messing with Leon's blond strands of hair to try and soothe him. You can hear determination and fear in his voice as he speaks. "I know, angel, I know..." was the only thing you could say in response. Life is unpredictable and you can't change fate, but the way Leon was speaking with his voice full of vindictiveness, you can almost believe him too. "Now, how can I get you to relax, hmm?"

A faint smile tugged at the corners of Leon's lips as he gazed up at you, his eyes still moist from his earlier tears. He appreciated your understanding; it meant the world to him to have someone who truly comprehended the fear and pain he had experienced.

He sighed softly, his body finally beginning to relax against your comforting touch. "Well, cuddling always seems to do the trick," he replied, his voice laced with a hint of playfulness, attempting to lighten the heavy mood. Leon shifted position, allowing you to maneuver more comfortably beside him and you couldn't help but crack a slight smile at his change in demeanor, feeling an odd sense of pride wash over you. It was nice to know that Leon was going to be able to have a good night's sleep now thanks to you. These restless nights usually end up bringing the two of you together, making him strong enough to face another day of the everyday horrors he has to deal with. He feels that he could face any monster that comes his way with you by his side.

dividers by the lovely @cafekitsune <33

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy 18+#leon kennedy x fem!reader #leon kennedy

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jupiter-soups · 8 months

Text

the more that you say, the less I know

part three of begging for you to take my hand part one part two

pairing: joel miller x f!reader, friends -> enemies -> lovers (kinda)

summary: joel faces the reality of what a life without you actually feels like. you discover the joys of speed dating.

warnings: 18+ MDNI, masturbation (m), some very mild verbal sexual harrassment towards reader (kinda, just being cautious), some angst and general lack of emotional intelligence

word count: 10.3k

Joel lifted the hunting rifle into place, hands flexing open and closed as he stretched the stiffness out of his fingers in preparation for taking the shot. A stag, tall and substantial in size, had entered the clearing up ahead and peacefully cantered to the edge of the lake. It didn’t sense the Millers, neither the elder brother, who was lining the impressive beast in his rifle scope, or the younger one, who was more preoccupied with the rapid darkening of the sky.

Joel’s shaky finger reached down onto the trigger, and he forced a few heavy blinks to get the sleep out of his eyes. His vision was slightly blurry around the edges, a symptom of the deep exhaustion that permeated his entire body. Sleep hadn’t been coming to him easily recently, and he knew that his movements were slowed and sloppy as a result.

Sharp inhale. Hold your breath. Steady and firm pressure on the trigger.

Ping!

The bullet ricocheted off of a slab of rock that was jutting out of the water. Not even close to where the stag was. Or had been, rather, as the beast streaked off into the woods at breakneck speed the second the bullet made contact with the jagged boulder.

Tommy sucked in an exaggerated breath through his teeth, faux pity in his voice as he playfully jabbed “Ohhhh, so close. Better luck next time, brother,” with a teasing, but sympathetic, pat on Joel’s shoulder, using him as leverage to stand up.

If Tommy hadn’t been so preoccupied with getting back home before the sun set, he probably would have noticed the tension in Joel’s body, and the way his eyes remained locked on the point where the stag had been standing. It was only when he turned around in the absence of audible footsteps following him that he noticed his brother was still kneeling where he was.

“Come on, Joel, we still got a good haul, was jus’ one stag. We gotta head back.”

Jackson had been struggling with food resources after a colder-than-usual winter had meant that some of the foraging that they relied on couldn’t take place. It was the reason why Joel and Tommy had been sent out to hunt for the day, and why Joel had had no issue with finding extra shifts to take over throughout the last month.

Fear over lacking resources wasn’t the reason for Joel’s shitty mood though. His body hurt. He was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. He just missed a shot that should have, no, would have, been a sure thing on a typical day. All because he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

The only thing that actually worked to mitigate the guilt and loneliness he was feeling was working to the point that he simply couldn’t think about it. And now, Tommy stood by his horse, practically giddy that he would get to go home on time to his wife, while Joel’s attempts at pushing himself to the point of not-feeling had failed miserably.

Joel finally stood, grunting slightly as his knees cracked at the movement. He paced towards the cart behind the horses, gritting his teeth to prevent himself from saying anything unkind to Tommy in the face of his unmistakable eagerness to finally head home.

Each of Joel’s movements were close to violent as he circled the horses and cart, tossing each of the unpacked bags into the back of the cart with unnecessary power, before beginning to busy himself with ensuring everything was securely in place under bungee cords.

Tommy finally spoke up about Joel’s unconcealed anger when he saw his brother almost tearing open the saddlebag on his horse to rifle through for his worn winter gloves.

“Hey, easy there brother, we got plenty for the people back home. Your traps did a good job with the rabbits, much better than our old ones.”

Joel nodded wordlessly, trying to tamp down the excessive anger before it inspired more conversation or probing from Tommy. Looking up, he realized that it was already a lost cause, judging from the appraising look that Tommy was giving him.

“Not about the stag, is it?” Tommy’s tone was frustratingly knowing.

The soundtrack of howling wind that had been surrounding them throughout their entire ride out into the woods was maddeningly absent in that moment, letting Tommy’s smug voice linger in the air. Joel cleared his throat and climbed up onto his horse.

“I don’ know what you’re tryin’ to imply, but nothin’s the matter, Tommy. Jus’ tired.”

He had been quiet and thoughtful for the entire day. Well, quieter than usual. That was the typical sign that he had been working too long and was worn out; when he let Tommy go on and on about whatever mundane domesticity he was experiencing without complaint (this time it was that Maria had just found a new dress for some event she was helping to plan.)

“Right.” Tommy’s voice was full of suspicion, and Joel knew that he was not going to drop the matter, so he reached over to grab his old thermos, and tossed back the last few swigs of lukewarm coffee. He would need it to survive the journey back.

It only took a few minutes of riding back to the main road for him to start his interrogation.

“You good, man?” Tommy knew that he wasn’t good, that something had been wrong for at least a month now. He had just assumed that it was the stress of a dwindling food supply and a relentless winter. Whenever he tried to approach the subject, he was met with a shut-the-fuck-up glare that sent him on his way.

Joel made a dismissive noise, not wanting to dignify the line of questioning with words.

“Come on, brother. I can tell something’s goin’ on. I mean, you’re a mess.You know it’s true. You haven’t been sleepin’, you’re in a shitty mood, you look like shit–”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” Joel sucked in a long-suffering breath, rifling through his tired brain for any way to explain his behavior without needing to actually explain. “Just not been feelin’ too good, is all.”

“Oh. Do’ya need to see a doctor, or somethin’?”

“Not like that.” Joel's hands flexed around the leather reins in his hands, listening to the steady crunch of snow under the horses hooves for a brief moment before continuing.

“Haven’t been sleeping too well. Not been feeling…good,” He finished lamely, trying to successfully find the correct words. Words that would be honest, but not honest enough to concern Tommy. The silence in return made him certain of his failure in this pursuit.

The sky had continued to darken considerably as the sun set, and Joel knew that they were already nearly back to Jackson. As much as he had been pushing to stay out for longer, he was grateful for how close their journey had kept them to the safety of the Jackson gates. At least he could get away from the line of questioning, just as long as he could make it through those gates where Tommy would surely become distracted by getting home to Maria on time for dinner.

“Is this…about the patrol you went on last month? The, uh, overnight?” Tommy’s voice was apprehensive.

Fuck. So close.

Joel’s eyes snapped up to Tommy, who was markedly not looking at Joel. “Why? What did’ya hear?” He cringed internally at the speed at which he spoke, knowing that he just gave himself up. If he was lucky, Tommy wouldn’t pick up on it. But of course, Joel knew he was never one for luck.

“Nothing, nothing.” Tommy’s raised an eyebrow, infuriating Joel. “ Just, I know you don’t get along too well with…her,” At least he didn’t say your name out loud.“Thought maybe something happened. You… argue or…?”

Tommy’s words trailed off under Joel’s fixed look.

“Everything was fine. We didn’t… argue. ” That was clearly all Joel had in him, and Tommy seemed to give up for the moment.

It wasn’t like Joel was going to suddenly tell him what was going on with him. That wasn’t how he worked. He had already been cracked open by Ellie, and that in of itself was something that Tommy wouldn’t have been able to predict. It was hard to sense how much more Joel was even capable of giving, so pushing him on this felt like a losing battle. He decided to try a distraction, instead.

“Y’know, tomorrow some of the guys were goin’ down to that speed dating thing at the Bison, the one that Maria’s been helping to organize. You thinkin’ of goin’?”

Joel let out a huffed chuckle, humorless and short. “An’ why, exactly, would I do that?”

“You fixin’ to stay single for the rest of your life?” That was exactly what Joel was planning to do, but he knew that Tommy wouldn’t like that answer so he simply didn’t respond.

“Maria’s invitin’ her single girlfriends, includin–,” Tommy cut himself off with a stutter. “Well, anyway, it could be good for you. Get back out there, an’ all that. I think–”

Joel shut him up with a look, yet again, before focusing back on the worn path. Just a little longer, and this would be over. Suddenly, he felt like maybe seeing a doctor would be the right plan of action, as slight nausea began to creep in as Tommy’s words floated around his drowsy mind.

He knew what his brother was about to say. You were going to be there. After all, Joel was well aware that you were single. You being there meant that you wanted to move on. Maybe, he thought to himself, you didn’t even need to move on. It might have just been a simple release of pent up frustration, something that he had cruelly tainted by hurting her with his callousness.

No matter how much he tried to convince himself that it made sense for you to find someone actually good for you, and that he wanted this, the knowledge was ice in his veins. His grip on the reins tightened until his knuckles were white from lack of circulation, as he tried and failed desperately to not think about it. To not think about you, happy and in love with someone that wasn’t him.

You wanted this. You wanted this. You wanted this.

It was so wrong to feel what he was feeling, of course, and the guilt that he already felt for his treatment of you just multiplied as he considered his hypocrisy. He had been the one to hurt you, anticipating your future regret and acting on it before you could. What he didn’t anticipate, foolishly, was how fucking hard it would be to be nothing to you.

It was one thing when you had spent months hating him, mocking him, arguing with him. That was difficult enough, after knowing first hand just how soft and caring you could be. But at least it was something, at least he knew that you thought about him. Now, he wasn’t even worthy of a glance. Not a single joke at his expense, nothing. As grateful as he was for Ellie teaching him that he could be a person again, a feeling, gentle, person, in this moment he found himself missing his cold self. He was stronger then. Loneliness was always there, festering in the pit of his stomach, but it had been a dull ache. Manageable. It didn’t feel that way anymore.

Now, he felt like he was losing his mind. That feeling only intensified at night, when he was alone, no one to distract him away from thinking about you. That was precisely why he had been doing his level best to avoid experiencing those nights, making sure to push himself to his mental and physical limits with how much he was working. If he wasn’t working, he was with Ellie. If he wasn’t with Ellie, he was with Tommy. If he wasn’t with either of them, he was at the Tipsy Bison, drinking until he knew that sleep would come easy. His nights would end with him passing out on top of his covers, usually not even being able to change out of his work clothes first.

As the brothers reached the Jackson gates, Joel could tell that that wasn’t going to be the case tonight. It was far too early in the day, despite the dark winter sky. That sickly feeling in the pit of his stomach returned, as he dismounted his horse and began to walk it into the stables.

Despite his best efforts to leave quickly and quietly, Tommy caught up to Joel. “Hey, wait up. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Jus’ me and Maria, bring Ellie along. I’ll cook up one of the rabbits you trapped. Maria will make that turnip thing you like.”

Joel considered it for a moment. It would be a good distraction. Probably would fill up a few of the daunting hours of free time ahead of him. He almost agreed before spotting the glint in Tommy’s eyes that told him that he had ulterior motives. There was no way that the previous topic, that Tommy had so kindly dropped on the journey, wasn’t going to come up again, and Joel knew how good Tommy was at making him talk once Joel had some whiskey in him.

“I’ll probably call it an early night. Have some dinner with Ellie, or somethin’.”

Tommy accepted his answer, but continued to stand between Joel and the exit. “Brother, y’know you can tell me what it is. I don’ like seeing you like this. Jus’. Find me when you’re ready to talk, alright?”

“‘Course.” Joel had no intention of doing so. He was already too much of a burden, and this was self-inflicted. So, he would do what he always did. Suffer it alone.

That night, as he lay in his bed after a frustratingly quick dinner with Ellie, who had quickly left for a sleepover at her friend's house the second her plate was empty, Joel thought everything through. He had considered heading to the Tipsy Bison for his usual routine of sipping on a strong drink until he felt he could face his bed, but Ellie had actually wanted to have dinner with him, an increasingly rare event. He wasn’t mad at her for it. It had been hard for him at first when she seemed to want to spend more time with her friends than him, but you had convinced him that it was normal teenage girl stuff.

You.

No. Can't go there.

Joel swung his legs over the side of his bed, getting up with a groan of exertion. God his body was sore. He tugged on his clothes from the day that was strewn across a chair in the corner of his room, and took a look at the faint numbers on his broken alarm clock. Nine p.m., practically early evening. He would just have a few drinks, and then be back to bed soon enough.

The snow whipping down outside didn’t do much to convince him to take it easy for one night, but the light on in Tommy’s living room did. Fuck, he should have just gone the longer route. Now, Tommy’s stupid words were ringing in his ears. Joel knew that Tommy would say what needed to be said. He had that much trust in his younger brother, who was seemingly incapable of lying to him when it mattered. Before he knew it, he was walking past the turn for the bar, and heading up those creaky porch steps that he knew well.

Tommy didn’t seem surprised at all upon seeing Joel on his doorstep. He led his brother to his couch and poured him a couple of ounces of whiskey, giving him the opportunity to shoot back a few sips before speaking.

“So, somethin’ did happen, then?”

“It did.” Joel drained the rest of the whiskey in an instant, placing the glass down on the coffee table only to instantly regret not keeping something in his hands to fidget with. He looked around the space for anyone that could overhear, particularly the someone who was best friends with the topic of discussion.

“We slept together.”

“Alright, brother, good for you!” Tommy exclaimed, slapping a congratulatory hand down on Joel’s shoulder with a cheeky grin, “Didn’ know you had it in you,” He teased.

“I, uh. I told her I didn’t want to do anything else. Or to be with her again.”

Tommy let his hand fall off Joel’s shoulder as he groaned in exasperation. “You kiddin’ me? Is this why you’ve been mopin’ around town, workin’ yourself half to death?”

Joel merely scoffed in response, but wasn’t able to conjure any other words to deny the accusation.

Tommy rubbed a hand over his tired face, frustrated at his brother's basic lack of ability in dealing with basic human interaction. “I’m assumin’ she didn’t take it well, then.”

“No, she did not.” Joel replied quietly, eyes trained on the wood grain of the table in front of him. “She was quite angry.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Joel suddenly felt very idiotic for showing up to Tommy’s. They were brothers, and he knew that he would listen, but Tommy couldn’t possibly relate. He had Maria and a whole community of people that loved him and cared for him. He was even thinking of starting a family soon. Tommy was happy.

Joel wasn’t necessarily unhappy. If anything, he was the happiest he had been in a long, long time. Jackson had given him more than he thought he would ever have again. Routine, neighbors, safety. Ellie had given him even more. Parts of him that he thought had been destroyed, forever. It was selfish of him to feel so lonely, despite everything that he had.

Joel started to stand, muttering a quiet “This was stupid. Thanks for the drink,”

Tommy forced Joel down onto the couch with a firm push on his shoulder. It only served to remind Joel of how much weaker he was than he used to be. He was older now, and his body showed it to him everytime he tried to do something that should’ve been easy. Joel didn’t mind that, usually. He had lived a long and tiring life, longer than he had thought he would, or frankly than he even wanted to at times. But now, with the prospect of starting something looming over him, it just served as a reminder that it was too late for him.

“You shouldn’t have done that to her. Maria’s been tellin’ me that she’s been weird recently, and she didn’t know why. I think you really upset her. You need to fix this.”

Joel nodded with gritted teeth. He was well aware of how angry you were. How cruel he was to you. It didn’t feel good, but it was a necessary evil. Tommy couldn’t possibly understand, not when shit was so easy for him.

“You need to fix this. And not just for her sake. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said you were a mess. You’re punishin’ yourself and her at the same time, and you don’ need to.”

“Tommy, you don’ understand. You can have your nice house, nice wife, nice family, all of it. I’m happy for you, really, I am. But I’m not the typ’a man who can have that life anymore. I’ve done shit, and you know better than anyone what I mean by that. I’m lucky enough that I have Ellie.”

Joel stood up again, and paced towards the front door, pausing at the sound of Tommy’s concerned voice.

“I do know you, Joel. An’ I admit, when you first got here I had my concerns. But you’re differen’ now, and you know it. I see it in the way you treat Ellie, everyday. How you take care of your neighbors and work for the people here. Don’ throw away a chance at something more, jus’ cos you don’t think you deserve it.”

Joel’s throat tightened at that. He didn’t deserve it. He knew that as a fact. He didn’t deserve any of the things he already had, so why would he deserve anything more?

“It doesn’ even matter. It was a heat of the moment thing to her. No point in doin’ any more damage by trying for somethin’ more. You’re right though. I should apologize.” Joel accepted, hoping it would be enough to satisfy his brother's worries.

He gave his brother a small smile of appreciation that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and Tommy let him leave with a disappointed sigh.

Joel was lying in bed by midnight, slightly intoxicated but not quite enough. Tommy’s insistence that he could be worthy of more made the taste of the whiskey he ordered in the Tipsy Bison, mere minutes after leaving Tommy’s home, bitter in his throat. Even more bitter than the poor excuse for whiskey usually was.

Alright, you can do this. You can sleep. Just relax. Focus on your body.

First focus on your arms, down to your fingertips. His shoulders ached. His knuckles were scraped and sore.

Your chest and your breathing. His breathing seemed strangely loud in such an empty house.

Your legs. Your toes. Fucking stop thinking about her. His feet hurt. They always did. He probably needed new shoes. His knees were almost as bad as his feet when he was standing for a while, but the soft bed gave him some reprieve.

Okay. That’s good. Just…keep focusing on your body. There was something else, too. A sensation that would find him late at night, when he was conscious enough to be aware of it. When it was real quiet, and nothing blocked out the thought of you. The image of you. All soft curves and rough touches. Hands grabbing onto him, onto his hair, his arms, desperate for a release only he could give you.

You’re weak. Pathetic. His hand trailed down past his waistband, unable to fight it, the memories taunting him. He had you, and he lost you without even fighting for something more, all of his own volition. Would it be so wrong to indulge in what he was left with?

He gave in. He always did.

Joel’s callused hand wrapped around his hard length, fucking into his fist fast and rough, chasing a quick release. ‘Then don’t hold back.’ Your voice echoed around his head as his breathing intensified, reverberating around the room. You had wanted him, you’d begged him to give in to you, and he did. A quiet whimper passes through his clenched teeth.

He hesitantly moved his thumb over the tip of his cock, hissing at the sensation as he stroked. It had been what you had done when you brought him to completion, but it was just not enough. His hand wasn’t soft enough, and it was clumsy where yours had been precise, knowing exactly what was good for him. You had been so good for him, and he ruined even the chance of anything more.

“Fuck,” He groaned shakily as he approached his climax. This is just a release, just biology. He knew he was lying to himself, no matter how much he wanted it to be true. It was your words, your eyes, your lips, that brought him to this point, as it had been everytime he was in this position over the last month. Sleeping with you had been such a mistake, because now he knew. There was no one that could make him feel how you did.

With a muffled, unsatisfied, grunt, it was over.

It was fucking freezing. Even more so than you had anticipated when you drew back your curtains and saw the dark, heavy clouds roiling outside. It was the tail end of a long and brutal winter, and it seemed as if the season had one last death rattle to exhale in the form of yet another approaching snowstorm.

If you hadn’t made a promise to take Ellie on a morning run, you would have decided fuck this and promptly gone back to bed for a couple more hours of shut eye before you had to get up for patrol duty. But alas, you made a promise. One that the teen girl had been very certain that you would not regret.

This was another one of her hare-brained schemes to prove to Maria that she was ready to join the patrol team the very second she turned sixteen.

First, it was that she would ‘wow’ everyone with her expert knife-throwing skills. She was good, you would give her that, but the minute Joel found out about it, it instantly became a no-go. You had just been grateful that he never clocked that it was you who agreed to teach her.

Next, she insisted that she would get so good at hand-to-hand combat that no one would possibly have any reason to doubt her survival skills. Her teachers were not particularly thrilled when they found out about the fight club she had organized during lunch, despite Ellie’s insistence that it was perfectly safe and that Leah's sprained wrist was because she tripped over a root. Joel’s scolding look of disapproval in her direction during the entirety of his conversation with her teacher meant that the reign of the J.Y.A.F.C (Jackson Young Adult Fight Club) had to come to an abrupt end.

Her latest and greatest idea was that she would demonstrate just how committed she was by shadowing an existing member of the patrol team. One that was strong, knowledgeable, kind, and super pretty and cool. Her words, of course. She always knew how to get her way, which is why you had to start making your way over to her home at the ass-crack of dawn in the shittiest of weather conditions.

As you trudged along the salted road in the familiar direction towards J– towards Ellie’s house, you thought about how much you regretted telling her that you went on a run every single morning at six a.m. You assumed (hoped) that your white lie would discourage her, especially since she loved to sleep in as late as possible, but she only seemed more determined that she would be up and ready to go. You knew her better though, so you weren’t surprised when you finally reached the front door, and she did not answer your first few knocks.

Yep, still asleep. Which meant she was still upstairs. In a bedroom quite close by to the other occupied bedroom. Which meant you had to knock loud enough for it to be heard by both of those bedrooms. Great.

You continued to knock, much louder now. Please don’t hear. Please don’t hear. Muffled footsteps could be heard through the front door, and even though they sounded far too light to be who you feared, you still felt a palpable sense of relief as the door opened to Ellie’s scrunched up little face wrapped in a soft fleece blanket that she had over her head.

“Whaddya want?” She groaned, unable to keep her eyes open.

The shit-eating grin on your face only served to piss off the tired teen even more, as you answered sweetly. “It’s time for our run, Ellie! Y’know, the one you promised you would wake up on time for?”

As much as you loved Ellie, it was sort of amusing to see her regret her choices so deeply in that moment.

“But it’s the middle of the night!”

“It’s dark because it’s winter, not because it’s the middle of the night. Look!” You lifted your wrist and turned it to face her, showing the little hand on the six and the big hand on thirteen. “I’m practically late waiting for you!”

The girl bit back whatever curse word she was about to fling at you, and grumbled a dissatisfied and begrudging “Fine!” before turning around and plodding back up the stairs to get ready.

She left the door open, probably expecting you to let yourself in and settle down on the couch while she got changed. As cold as you were in your worn out hoodie and sweatpants, there was no way in hell you were going to go into the house. Instead, you parked yourself by the front door, leaning against the slatted wood to wait for the girl to show back up, hopefully without her falling asleep again in the process.

It had been a long while since you’d been here. A month and a half had passed since you even spoke to him, let alone hung out at his house. Instead, you chose to meet Ellie at the school house, or at your place. Sometimes even at the kennels, where Ellie would linger after school to play with the puppies after their training. Safe places where you were sure you wouldn’t run into him.

Joel.

A sick feeling settled into the pit of your stomach as the thought of him drifted into your mind. It didn’t last long, though, as you were broken out of your anxiety-driven nausea by the sudden introduction of very real physical pain. The screen door to the left of you had swung open with overwhelming force, knocking into your body with enough impact to actually kind of hurt, despite it being mostly mesh.

“Fuck!”

“Who’s there?!”

It took a few seconds for both of you to realize what had happened. Joel stood there in front of you, confusion deeply etched onto his tired face. He was wearing his worn down old blue jeans, top button still undone in his haste to get them on. He was also noticeably shirtless, and any pain that you may have felt was suddenly secondary to the immense heat you felt throughout your body at the sight.

When you had slept together, you never got the chance to see him like this, and he was every bit as beautiful as you had imagined. You could have forgotten how mad you were at him for a moment, if his guilty expression didn’t remind you.

“W-what’s wrong?” His urgency wasn’t lost on you, and you knew that he thought the only reason why you would show up at his door was that something terrible had happened. He wasn’t even shivering in the cold, despite his state of undress, completely occupied by you being in front of him.

“Nothing’s wrong. I wouldn’t come here if something was wrong. I came here for Ellie. We’re going on a run.” You wanted your words to wound him, but the pained expression that flickered on his face for a brief moment didn’t feel good.

“Right. She, uh, mentioned somethin’ like that. Sorry, I jus’...heard the banging on the door, and it was open, so I, uh, jus’ thought–”

“Well, you were wrong, so you can go back inside now.” You shifted forward to lean against the railing overlooking the icy front yard, not wanting to look at him, with his stupid, sad, brown eyes and his strong, scarred body any longer. “And tell Ellie to hurry.”

You thought he might have headed back in before hearing him clear his throat quietly.

“You can…wait inside, y’know? I’ll be back upstairs, gettin’ ready. It’s real cold out this mornin’” With that, he left you there, heavy footsteps heading back upstairs.

It was cold. And the worst case scenario had already happened for you the moment he rushed outside, panicked and searching for a potential intruder. At this point, you might as well head into the belly of the beast, you decided as you shut the front door behind you and walked into the living room that was unsettlingly nostalgic.

The horse carvings were still on the old bookcase by the fireplace, but now there were a few new ones. A couple of sheep, too. There were framed portraits dotted around the mantlepiece, and small scraps of paper here and there that had pencil sketched images of Joel, Tommy, Ellie’s closest friends, and even a few of you, you noticed with a small smile. His guitar was still there, but there was another one right next to it. Slightly smaller than his, and with a cursive ‘e’ carved into the light wood. He had always wanted to teach Ellie guitar.

It took an annoyingly long time for Ellie to reenter the room, before she ran down the stairs with a speed that was, frankly, concerning.

“We haven’t started the run yet, Ellie,” You chuckled at her display of fake enthusiasm.

“I know, but I am just so excited to get going!” She began to jog around you in circles as if to prove her eagerness, “Look at me go, wouldn’t you consider that the behavior of someone who is committed to the cause?”

“If the cause is being annoying, then yes” You said, giving her a teasing elbow in the side.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop,” She laughed, heading back into the corridor to pull on her sneakers. You heard her whisper in her evillest voice “...for now,” as soon as she was out of your eyesight.

You took a moment to look around the room one more time. It had been somewhere safe for you, a place of warmth and comfort and him. You resented Joel for the way the thought of him now made you tense up rather than relax, and the way you felt so, so small in a house that was briefly a second home to you.

“You, uh–,” You jumped at Joel’s voice coming from the corridor behind you, “Sorry, jus’ wonderin’ if you wanted a coffee, or somethin’?”

“No, I don’t want anything. Ellie, you ready?” You circled around where he stood to start walking to the front door.

“Wait!” You felt the brush of his hand against the sleeve of your hoodie, before he quickly withdrew it to his side. “Wait. Can we jus’…talk for a second?”

You had to get out, you had to get out now. Ellie looked up at you with an awkward smile and quickly darted out of the front door, slamming it behind her to give you both some privacy. Of course she couldn’t be fast when getting ready, but she was perfectly capable of being fast when it came time to abandon you.

“Say whatever thing it is that you have rehearsed so I can leave, Joel.” If you didn’t look at him, it would be okay.

You could hear him swallow dryly as he prepared to speak to you.

“I’ve been thinkin’ a lot, recently. I jus’. I know I hurt you, but I just need you to understand why I said…what I said. All I want is for you to be happy and I wouldn–”

“Do you think it made me feel happy to be used like that? Just a quick fuck to keep warm before you go back to ignoring me?” You finally faced him and stalked closer to his rigid body, not even bothering to disguise the contempt you felt for him at that moment. Your eyes traced every inch of his face, observing each twitch and shift in expression coldly. Your heart was beating too loudly in your chest to make heads or tails of any microexpression, but you still took it all in. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Jus’ lemme explain–” His voice seemed desperate, now.

“You knew how I felt about you and you decided that being all alone together was the perfect opportunity to get what you wanted.”

“How you felt?”

Another step closer. You were practically chest to chest as you tried to ignore the pounding in your ears and the heat across your cheeks.

“Well, are you happy Joel? Was it good enough to justify it? Was I good enough?” You meant the question to be a hurtful one, one pointed out the casual cruelty in how he used you, but there was an unfortunate wobble in your voice, a weakness that you couldn’t hide, which betrayed an embarrassing insecurity.

His eyes flickered down to your lips for a moment before moving back up to meet your eyes.

“You were... Uh.” He was clearly flustered, unable to put together the correct answer, and that brought you some semblance of satisfaction. You waited patiently for his answer.

“Of-Of course you were good. But that’s not wh—”

You smiled bitterly as you took a couple of steps backwards, hand reaching behind you for the handle on the front door.

“Well, I’m glad you were satisfied, at the very least. Makes it all worth it.”

“Wait, please–”

The front door slammed behind you, leaving him standing there in the corridor. Alone.

Ellie was standing at the base of the porch steps, casually leaning against the bannister.

“Oh, hey. Just…waiting for you. Over here. Away from the door.”

“Goddamn it, Ellie. Just.” You sighed in exhaustion, “Just start jogging, okay?”

Ellie gave you a big, dramatic salute, before taking off ahead of you, running way too fast, while you followed behind at a reasonable jogging speed. Within minutes of her beginning to run she was already groaning and complaining. Ellie was relatively fit but the girl wasn’t exactly one for cardio, and she had no problem with letting you know that as she stopped and knelt over to catch her breath in the middle of the road while you caught up with her.

“Fuckin’ Christ, there is no way you do this everyday!”, She exclaimed as she grabbed onto your arm while gasping for air.

“I don’t do this everyday. I do it, like, three times a week, maybe,” She looked at you, eyes wide at your treachery as you giggled at her expense. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, okay? In my defense, I said jog not sprint. Also, like, you kinda asked for this,”

“I know, okay. God.” She muttered, finally straightening up and starting again at a pace that matched yours.

The early morning was still and peaceful, and you started to appreciate the calm it brought you. Being with Ellie like this was comforting, and it reminded you of when your little sister still spent time with you. She was engaged now, and as much as you did still spend time together, it just wasn’t the same.

“So what’s going on with you and Joel, anyways?” Ellie’s voice cut through your sudden melancholia, and your defensive expression prompted her to quickly tack on, “Well, it’s not exactly normal right now! He’s being all weird and you’re not even making fun of him.”

“Weird? Weird, how?” You ignored the small smirk on her face when you latched onto her words about him.

“Well, I don’t know, sad and tired, I guess? Like, he just works and sleeps. I figured you finally started dating someone or something.”

Shock crossed your face and your foot sort of caught against the ground as you turned to look at her in confusion.

“Why would–. He’s probably fine, it’s winter, they probably just need more help than usual. People probably…have the flu, or something.” The lack of confidence in your voice was unconvincing.

“Right,” Ellie said sarcastically, “Well, he’s off today. If that is something of interest to you.”

“It’s not,” You had begun to respond before she even finished her sentence, causing her to roll her eyes.

“Right,” She continued “Well, are you busy tonight? ‘Cause, I was thinkin–”

Rather than let her even nearly finish whatever scheme she was going to try and sell you on, you cut her off again. “I am actually busy tonight, Els. Sorry. Maria forced me to sign up for this speed dating thing at the Bison. It’s stupid, but I thought I’d just…see what happens, I guess.”

Ellie stopped in her tracks and pointed at you with an accusatory look “So you are dating someone else!”

“Not really, I’m just gonna go and talk to some other sad 30-something year olds for a couple of hours and then, I don’t know, go to sleep early or something.”

Ellie didn’t need to know about your real plan, which was to suffer through the evening with a fake smile and a full cup of whatever shitty liquor they had put aside for the event.

“Ugh, lame, remind me to never get old.”

You threw a lump of icy sludge at her from the side of the road in response to her teasing, and you were sure that her blood-curdling scream in response woke up any of the few people who hadn’t yet woken for the day.

You felt stupid and underdressed. Insecurity about your appearance was something that you had always refused to make space for. There was just too much to think about, important things, and you weren’t going to let the fear of being unattractive interfere with your ability to get shit done. It may have crept in over the years here and there, from the occasional snide comment or weird, uncomfortable leering from drunk men, but for the most part, your appearance was something that you were apathetic about. All of your years of not caring evaporated the moment you stepped through the doors of the Tipsy Bison doors and saw people actually trying.

Curled hair, jewelry, shaved legs in short skirts, the whole nine yards. And you stood there, looking like…you. Plain you.Your jeans were baggy and so was your sweater, removing even the suggestion of a figure, and the only makeup that you owned smelled too expired to apply that evening (you guessed that the natural crushed berry concoction that your sister made for you had a pretty short shelf life.)

You didn’t consider yourself to be ugly by any means, and male interest was something that you definitely had experience with, but, in light of a pretty recent rejection, ‘plain you’ just didn’t feel like it was good enough.

Maria waving you over from her seat at the bar saved you from spiraling, and you were able to swallow the strange sensation building up your throat with the help of her bright expression. As you approached her warily, she chuckled at your serious expression and leaned over to physically lift the downturned corners of your mouth into a smile.

“Come on, at least pretend you want to be here!” She begged playfully, causing your fake smile to turn into a real one.

“You’re right, I know. Just–I don’t know, I look like shit and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You don’t…” Maria gave you a quick look up and down and plastered on an insincere smile ”...look like shit?” Her eyes lingered at the crusted mud splattered on your jeans.

“I—well, I had to go to work! It’s all gross sludge out there right now! Don’t look at me like that!”

Maria rolled her eyes while standing up, pushing you into the seat she had been occupying and gesturing at the bartender for a drink to be poured for you. “You’re gonna have a drink and then you’re going to go talk to the nice men, and maybe even set up a real first date with them. Then, you’re gonna come for lunch with me and Tommy tomorrow and tell us about your favorites. These are orders, not requests.”

“Fine- wait, where’re you going?”

Maria paused with one arm in her jacket sleeve, as if she had been hoping that she could casually sneak out without you noticing.

“Oh. Well. I sort of was going to go on a double date. Your, uh, sister and her fiance wanted to cook dinner for me and Tommy, so…”

“So…..you’re abandoning me?” You hoped your accusatory tone made her feel as guilty as possible.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Traitor.”

You knocked back the shot sitting on the bar in front of you and gave your friend a quick half hug before she left you to visit your happily engaged sister. Who was five years younger than you, and already engaged. Engaged to be wed. While you sat there, about to embark on fifty first dates, not even really knowing why you bothered to come.

Well, no point in delaying the inevitable.

You forced yourself away from the safety of the bar and approached the plastic fold out table containing name tags and score cards. Each pin had the names of those who signed up for the event in simple calligraphy that you recognised as your sisters. She must have been practicing for the wedding invites. You pinned the button onto your sweater, and walked to sit at one of the tables, waiting anxiously for the first man to sit in front of you

It had been the longest hour of your life. Longer than the time you were stuck in a flipped car, unable to crawl out towards safety due to the few straggler runners roaming the street that hadn’t quite heard you yet. Even longer than the time that Tommy thought Maria was breaking up with him, and came to you drunk and babbling about making a plan to win her back, only to find out that the note she left him was referring to her leaving temporarily to check in on the new family in town (he had been on some strange paranoia-inducing painkillers for a foot injury at the time.)

The liquor was definitely helping, as you listened to the unremarkable man in front of you drone on and on about some sort of farming quota he was struggling to meet. He hadn’t asked you a single question yet, and the time on the stopwatch meant that you only had three minutes left in his lovely company. Three minutes that could not be moving more slowly.

You let your eyes wander around the bar, and spotted Emmett, your current patrol partner. He gave you a bright grin, almost spilling the drink in his hand in his eagerness to wave at you. Stifling a giggle at his almost, but not quite, endearing stupidity, you turned back in time for the timer to beep, signaling your freedom.

It was time for a short break, and you practically dragged yourself to the bar for anything strong enough to make you forget about the carrots and the turnips and the stupid fucking green beans that you had heard enough of for the rest of your life.

Emmett reached out to you as you approached with open arms, pulling you into a too-tight shoulder hug that you reciprocated out of sheer awkwardness.

“Well, well, well, look who actually showed up for one of these events! You could've told me if you were looking for a hot date, I would have taken you out in a heartbeat.” His wrinkled black dress shirt was buttoned a few buttons too low, and there was a leather strapped necklace with a gaudy metal shark tooth pendant around his neck. It only served to make you even less charmed by his attempts at seduction, if that was even possible.

“Unless you’ve aged ten years since the last time I saw you, that’s probably going to be a no,” You gave him a tight smile.

“Come on, you know I'm wise beyond my years. Trust me, I have plenty of experience where it counts,” You began to peel his arm off from around your shoulder while he laughed at his own implication, ready to move further down the bar and away from his slightly slurred voice.

“Sober up, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning, alright?” You said when you finally got out of his vice grip, turning away.

Alcohol of any kind was needed, right that second, if you were going to make it through the rest of the evening.

“Is he like this with you all the time?” The voice next to you made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and your fingers curl tighter around your glass.

Just ignore him. Keep your eyes on the placemat in front of you. Why is he even here?

The bartender seemed to sense your frustrations, if the double shot of gin he poured for you without you needing to ask was any indication.

“You actually let him get away with that?”

“I let you get away with a whole lot worse, didn’t I, Joel?”

He shut up at that, for a moment, and your shoulders began to relax. You didn’t know where he came from or how long he’d been here. You certainly hadn’t seen him around the event, otherwise you would have left already.

You felt him shift closer to you, chest almost touching your shoulder as he leaned closer to speak to you, almost imploring you to listen to him.

“He’s a real piece of work, you really shouldn-”

“I don’t need advice from you.” You slammed your glass down onto the counter as if to punctuate your point with a glare of pure disdain in his direction.

He seemed to take the hint, turning away from your side and resting his hands against the counter in frustration. He stood there, shoulders rigid, seeming as if he was physically holding himself back from speaking. You were grateful for that.

As your eyes reached his form you felt your previous anger die down, just a little bit. He looked so tired and unsure of himself, so strangely tense. He was not quite drunk but definitely getting there, and your outburst left him visibly unanchored as he grit his teeth and nodded carefully. You felt almost embarrassed at the way you snapped at him when he seemed so hesitant under your glare.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. None of my business.”

“Yeah, it really isn’t.” With that you walked away from the bar and from him, wanting to just get through the last couple of dates so you could go home and forget this ever happened. Fuck dating, fuck the boring men at this stupid event, and especially fuck Joel Miller for somehow still being able to get under your skin.

Once you sat, you checked your watch and noted that you might even have enough time once you left to head straight to Tommy and Maria’s and demand they were put to justice for making you partake in this nightmare. Your evil plans were cut short by the shadow of someone looming above you. You almost laughed when you looked up and saw who it was taking a seat opposite you.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Joel?” The chair you were in let out an awful screeching noise as it scraped against the hardwood floor where you pushed it back from the table, but you didn’t move to get up yet.

“You’re next on the thing.” He mumbled while gesturing at the card in his hand before placing it face down on the table and settling down in his seat.

“You…why are you even here? I thought you weren’t into the whole relationship thing. Y’know, unless that was just your way of letting me down easy.” All of your effort was going into not letting your voice shake in anger.

“Jus’--I thought–” His stops and starts infuriated you even more. “Tommy mentioned it, I thought it might be- fun.” He couldn’t even look at you as you fumed in silence.

“What’s your job in Jackson?” He read out quietly from the question card in the center of the table.

You clenched and unclenched your jaw, finally moving to stand up.

“Wait. It’s not time to switch partners yet.”

“Fuck off, Joel.”

He looked into your eyes for a couple of moments too long before looking away silently. As if he accepted that you weren’t going to give him anything. You froze in your movement as you saw his face. God, he really didn’t look good.

Despite the voice in your head screaming at you to just leave and go home and eat the caramel corn that you stole from your brother's pantry, your body seemed to instinctively sit back down.

With an exasperated sigh and a flat tone, you answered “Patrol. You?”

His eyes flitted up to yours for a moment and he nodded, “Patrol, too. What’s your favorite color?”

“Green.” It wasn’t green. There was just a part of you that didn’t want to let him have anymore of you than he already had, even something as inconsequential as a favorite color.

He paused at that, slight confusion on his face. His fingers that were loosely resting on the table began to tap against the wood restlessly. His mouth opened and shut, before he seemingly decided to push forward.

“Mine’s blue. What’s your favorite movie?” You felt uncomfortable as he watched you, with his soft brown eyes glued to your face as if he was waiting for you to say something, anticipating it.

“Titanic.” You answered without elaborating further.

“No, it ain’t.” The hand that had been tapping slammed flat against the table, not out of anger but sheer frustration. He leaned in closer, sitting up straight from where he had been leaning to speak as if he was telling you a secret.

“You like Star Wars. I know that for a fact, ‘cause had a hell of a lot to say about the way it ‘revolutionized cinema’ when we talked about it.” He was almost daring you to tell him he was wrong.

“Changed my mind.” Somehow, you were able to answer without stuttering, ignoring the way your heart rate accelerated from him being so fucking close to you. You didn’t know why he remembered that stupid debate you had with him. It had been months and months since you had talked about anything as simple and lighthearted as your favorite movies. You really didn’t know why it seemed to bother him so fucking much that you said an answer outside of what he believed to be true.

“Right.” He said with a sigh, slumping back into his chair. His hands that were on the table, just a few inches from your own, shifted back towards his own body. “What’s your–”

“You didn’t answer.” Fuck, shut up. Joel seemed as surprised as you were at your interjection.

“You know what my favorite movie is.” You did.

“What’s your favorite book?” He continued to read from the question cards diligently.

“I don’t really have one.”

He stared at you, jaw clenched.

“Is it that hard to answer a few questions? You like Star Wars, I know you like Star Wars. You like yellow. Your favorite book is Interview with the Vampire.”

He was right, of course, but that didn’t mean it didn’t frustrate you that he was so certain that he knew everything there was to know about you. If he cared enough to remember random trivia about you off the top of his head, then how could he be so deeply uncaring just as easily?

“You don’t know everything about me, Joel. I can change my mind.” Your fingers had started to hurt from how hard you were gripping the edge of the table.

“You do that often? Change your mind like that?” His tone was low and gravelly, and it wasn’t hard to understand that he wasn’t referring to the stupid ice-breaker questions.

“And what, exactly, do you mean by that?” Now you were the one leaning forward in your chair, unable to get a grip on the rising anger in your chest.

He sort of flinched at your sharp tone. “Well. You’ve been different, since…” He hesitated for a moment. “An’ I know that’s my fault. Jus’ didn’t think it would mean that I wouldn’t even exist to you anymore.”

You stood up, ignoring the looks from the other couples nearby who all looked at their stopwatches to see if they were supposed to be switching partners. “Why the fuck are you actually here, Joel?”

He looked uncomfortable and shifted slightly in his seat. “I told you–”

You turned at the start of his non-answer and grabbed your thick winter coat, pulling it on over you as you walked out on him. Any patience that you had for Joel Miller was long gone, and you regretted ever giving him the benefit of the doubt. You should’ve known there was no point in even trying when he showed up for a dating event a mere month after using his alleged inability to be in a relationship as an excuse to not be with you.

The snow was flurrying down outside, and if it wasn’t for the soft yellow glow of the street lamps illuminating the main street, it would have been pitch black.

“Will you hold on jus’ one minute?” Joel whisper-shouted behind you, still tugging his own jacket on in his rush to follow you. “I jus’ wanted a chance to explain things!”

He grabbed your arm and pulled you to a stop before you could begin your trek through the snow home, and you wrenched it back from him as if his touch burned.

“Jus’ wait! Please.” It wasn’t the authoritative tone he used in his command, but the desperation in his plea that finally got you to stop in your tracks.

Noticing the way you sniffled from the cold winter night where you stood in the open air, he guided you towards the alleyway beside the Tipsy Bison, never actually touching you but instead steering you with a hand a few inches away from making contact with your back.

The alleyway was dimly lit from the left over street light, and thankfully slightly warmer due to the proximity of the busy kitchen’s back door. The rushing breeze didn’t quite reach either of you in the sheltered space. It was much quieter here, as you stared at each other, and you were determined to not give him the pleasure of having you crack under his gaze. You were going to be cold and unaffected and not let yourself get dragged back into whatever game he wanted to play.

“Will you just leave me alone? I don’t understand you Joel, you were the one who didn’t want me. You say you want to explain, but it already seems pretty cut and dry to me.” You were sort of impressed at how strong your voice came out of your nervous body, surprised that your determination to be unaffected actually seemed to be coming across.

“You’ve got this idea in your head that I planned this, or somethin’. That I wanted to use you,” The word use dripped in what sounded like disgust at the very idea that you could have believed that of him. He took a step closer to you and moved a hand to rest on your bicep, not squeezing or putting pressure, just wanting you to feel him there.

“I...I do care about you. That’s the problem. Maybe to you it could’ve been somethin’ casual and I ruined it by bein’ so cold, but it couldn’ be that for me. An’ you yourself said that you would want somethin’ more out of a…relationship.” His voice faltered for a moment as he spoke that word. Relationship. Just speaking it in the context of being with you made his hand tighten around your arm.

“I would need you entirely and I know I can’t be that for you. Don’ even know if you would want it to be me, but I do know that I couldn’ be that. I want you to be happy.” His voice was almost pained as he tried to explain himself, the words he didn’t get to say in the morning now tumbling out in a rush.

You couldn’t identify the exact moment that it happened, but he was holding on to you by your shoulders now, eyebrows furrowed with an intense need for you to just, somehow, understand him.

“Just deciding what it is that I want or need without actually listening to me isn’t fair, Joel. This isn’t how people care about people. This isn’t how you care about people. I didn’t need or want anything more than what happened between us.” You reached up and brought one of his hands down between you both, gazing at his scarred fingers resting in your palm before letting it fall to his side.

He seemed to struggle for words for a moment, pulling back from you entirely. “We can be friends again.” His voice was pleading. “Or whatever we were before I fucked it all up. I can be that for you. I know you regret what we did, and you want to forget it ever happened. I won’t cross any lines, I won’t try anything with you ever again. I just… I miss you.”

He was more vulnerable than you had ever seen him, but none of it felt right. You and him were practically nothing for months on end before you slept together. He was insisting that you meant something to him, that he needed you, but he wanted to keep you at arms length. It was so fucking confusing, and you were still struggling with just how easily he was able to let himself hurt you, even if he convinced himself that it was for the best.

“I think…it might be a little late for that, Joel.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, partially to warm yourself up and partially to soothe the building anxiety in your chest. “We haven’t been friends for a long fucking time. I think…maybe it should stay that way. At least for now. This just. It isn’t what being cared about is meant to feel like.”

Your words seemed to have an impact on him, as something seemed to shutter behind his eyes, closing off that soft vulnerability that he had let you into for such a brief moment.

“You’re right,” he said quietly, “You’re right. I don’ know what I was thinkin’. You, uh, have a good rest of your night.”

He walked past you quickly, giving you a wide berth as he passed, before pausing with his back still turned to you. His silhouette in the dim light was broad and still as his heavy exhale visibly poured out of him in a haze of vapor.

“And I’m sorry. For everythin’.”

A/N: AHHH I'M SORRY FOR TAKING SO FUCKING LONG BETWEEN UPLOADS, I'M GONNA GET MY SHIT TOGETHER FOR THE NEXT (FINAL :O) CHAPTER!!!

please let me know what you think!!!!!!! i hope it wasn't disappointing!!!

also massive thank you to @morning-star-joy @beardedjoel @huffle-punk for reading and giving me feedback, you're all my babies and i love you and i'm sorry for needing you all to pat me on the head and tell me i'm doing okay so often <3 <3

tags:

@beardedjoel @huffle-punk @quicheislife @orcasoul

lemme know if u wanna be tagged!!

#joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel x reader #tlou fic #the last of us fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller angst #joel miller x female reader

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pjoxreader · 1 year

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Could I request Frank/Hazel/Percy with a reader who was formally part of Kronos’ side, survived the war, but was afraid to return to CHB? They ended up fleeing and arriving at camp Jupiter, much like Nico. They still have a grudge against the gods, but deeply regret everything that happened to CHB campers in the war. They fear they’re no better than Luke, and only first bring up their past after Percy’s memories start coming back, kinda too scared to confess about what had happened before. Hope this isnt too specific or anything!

Former Kronos’ Soldier Reader

((Love me some good angst that isn't too specific at all!))

Frank Zhang

-You thought you had finally made a new home in camp jupiter. Someplace where you could make up for the sins of your past but of course that would have been too good for someone like you.

-Percy Jackson appeared at the river while you were on guard duty with Frank, thankfully he didn’t seem to recognize you and he didn’t have his memories… Thankfully…? Were you really glad someone that you used to consider your friend had lost his memories?

-Frank had noticed your inner turmoil, he didn’t want to push you but seeing you upset had been hurting his heart too. He didn’t want you to go through this alone. “You can talk to me, you know?” Frank says softly. You would have never guessed someone that large could be that gentle, but you had gotten to know Frank well over the time you spent here. He was the kindest man you had ever met.

-You smile sadly knowing Frank must know you were upset these last few days. You look up at the night sky having been punished to night duty with Frank as well. Frank never questioned you once on your past, he knew it was a sensitive topic and you were very thankful for it. But it seems there was no more running from your past. You take a breath to ease your nerves. Frank may never look at you the same but it felt wrong to keep it from him… You… You had started to form feelings for him after all.

-”I… I’m not who you think I am. I… I used to be a horrible person. I… I worked with Kronos.” You explain. The air felt heavy with silence and your words started to spill out, all of your guilt spilling out like a river unleashed. “I… I hated the gods. I still do, but my anger clouded my judgment and I made an awful choice…” you explain sadly watching the night sky. “I believed I was in the right at the time but…” you take a shaky breath waiting for Frank to yell or leave but he doesn’t… You couldn’t bear to look at him right now…

-Instead he gently takes your hand in his own. “That’s enough…” you look to the ground waiting for the words of anger to come out next but they don’t. He pulls you into a warm hug. You could feel the tears form at the corner of your eyes. “You thought you were doing what was right… I’m… I’m sorry there was no one there who was able to help you… But… I’m glad I got to meet you.” You realized he was right, if none of that happened you would have never gotten the chance to meet Frank. You hug him back tightly crying into his shoulder as he holds you close.

Hazel Levesque

-This was your new home, you thought you were finally able to start over and make up for your mistakes. Of course that would have been too good for someone like you. Percy Jackson had appeared in camp, much to your horror Hazel introduced you to him. The two of you had locked eyes and he offers a hand for you to shake. You reintroduce yourself to Percy seeing as he didn’t have any memories but your heart was pounding the entire time.

-All it would take is for Percy to get one spark of memories to ruin everything you had worked on but thankfully he didn’t. You sigh heavily in your barracks as you work on packing up in the middle of the night. You’d have to go off and try to find somewhere else to go… Maybe there was some other camp you’d be able to find. Part of you doubted you’d get that lucky again...

-”Are you really leaving?” a soft and sad voice calls to you. You turn feeling your heart drop as you turn seeing Hazel was at the door. She was the last person you wanted to see, it’d make it even harder to leave after seeing her face.

-”I… I don’t have a choice Hazel…” you take a breath closing your eyes. Maybe it’d be easier if she hated you, so you decide to tell the truth. “I… I can’t stay because Percy knows who I was. I… I was an awful person Hazel.” you sit down on the bed smoothing your hair back. Hazel comes over and sits beside you, waiting for you to go on.

-”I… I did awful things… I…. I was a part of Kronos's army… I… I hated the gods. No… I still do.” you explain clenching your fist into your pant legs. “I wanted revenge, but… I know now that I went about it the wrong way… But that doesn’t change what I did. Who I was…” Hazel gently takes your hands looking you in the eyes which surprised you.

-”You aren’t who you were before.” she reassures so sincerely it makes your heart skip a beat. “But…” you try but Hazel’s determination in her eyes makes you waiver. You take a shaky breath realizing you were tearing up. “You’ve been working so hard all this time… You don’t deserve all the pain you must be feeling… I’m… I’m so sorry I never noticed how much pain you were in…” she says and holds you close letting you cry into her, she shed a few tears as well.

Percy Jackson

-Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach when you saw him. There he was with Hazel on the hill. A face you never hoped to see again. His eyes met yours and you could see his brows furrow as they did when he was thinking about something. Hazel smiles softly and waves you over so you force yourself to take those steps up to him. -”This is Percy Jackson, he just got here, he doesn’t have any memories…” Hazel explains. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked at Percy with a hesitant and nervous smile, offering your hand for him to shake.

-”It’s nice to meet you.” you force yourself to say hoping your palms weren’t sweating as much as you thought they were. Percy does take your hand and shakes it looking at you for a while. “You have beautiful eyes.”

-His words throw you for a loop as you look at Percy in surprise, even Hazel seems to be shocked. “H-Huh?” you manage to choke out. “Your eyes, they’re beautiful.” Percy repeats more sheepishly this time rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

-”T-Thank you?” you manage to get out swearing your voice raised at least three octaves. Hazel gives you a big grin but does have to lead Percy up so he gives you one last wave as the two leave you there frozen in fear. What were you doing…? You sigh heavily covering your face feeling it was hot, you must have been blushing hard.

-You can’t… You can’t fall for him again, there’s no way he’d ever feel the same about you… Once Percy got his memories back he’d hate you again… You couldn’t get your hopes up like that your entire world would come crashing down around you… Again… You take a breath trying to shove your feelings deep down into your heart, hopefully to never resurface again… But you give one last look to where Percy had gone before making your way back down the hill.

~Masterlist & Rules~

Like my writing? Please consider sending me a Ko-fi! ☕

#pjo #pjo x reader #hoo #hoo x reader #percy jackson #frank zhang x reader #percy jackson x reader #hazel levesque x reader #frank zhang #hazel levesque #pjo angst #hoo angst

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miyseung · 9 days

Text

𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑 - 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

summary: Sunghoon has never felt any spark in his heart, none of that silly love he’s read about in novels in his free time. No one interested him, and it wasn’t like his father, the king, would let him have friends, male or female, for fear of being betrayed or developing feelings for them. He lived a life of isolation, excited for nothing – neither the idea of being married to a pretty princess or becoming the next ruler of the Park kingdom. He most certainly did not expect you, his new guard, to change all that. He did not expect you to brighten his days and light up his heart.

includes: no warnings in the teaser!!

death, murder, war/battle, attempted murder (kinda), royal au, romanticized medieval setting of sorts, forced marriage/proposal, a lot of time skips so it moves somewhat quickly, more warnings will be added in the final oneshot

pairing: prince! sunghoon x guard! fem! reader

word count: 904

genre: angst

READ THE FULL FIC HERE !

Sunghoon was reading over some papers pertaining to the kingdom’s matters when he heard a knock on the door.

“Enter.”

One of the guards came in, before bowing upon seeing him.

“Sire, his Majesty wishes to see you.”

He nodded and set the papers in a neat stack. He then put them in a drawer and locked it for security. He then stood up and followed the guard, maintaining a neutral expression.

His mind was working much faster than normal though.

“Why have you called me here, father?”

“I’ve received some proposals from other kings. They’ve sent me paintings of their daughters. A lovely selection of princesses, I must say.”

Sunghoon had to physically hold himself back from rolling his eyes.

“Father, I’ve already told you this. I am not ready for marriage and I am not interested in this topic.”

“Yes, but it’s good to start early. Maybe you’ll change your mind after-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you Father, but why have you actually summoned me?”

The king narrowed his eyes at his son but didn’t say anything more about the topic.

“Well, I’ve decided to get you a personal guard. There have been many threats of attacks on the palace, so it’s better to take this precaution.”

“Interesting. Will he be with me all the time or-”

“She.”

“What?”

“Your guard is a female.”

To say he was shocked was the understatement of the century. His father? Hiring a woman? As his bodyguard? What if he-

“Are you serious?” “Yes. She is very capable and I’m sure she will protect and serve you well. I trust you to keep your relationship with her strictly professional.”

It wasn’t like he knew how to have a non-professional relationship with anyone outside of his family anyway.

“Yes, Father. Will she be with me at all times?”

“Indeed she will, except for when you are sleeping. At that time, she will stand outside your door and guard you.” “What about her food and sleep?”

“That is not your concern.”

“But-”

“Silence!”

He slowed down his train of thought. Why was he thinking like a teenage boy ogling over a girl? He was the crown prince, he was better than that. It was going to be a new experience, that was all.

“May I meet her now?”

“Of course. She’s arriving as we speak.”

Just then, the door opened, and you entered, a male soldier on either side. Sunghoon’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, but nothing came out of it.

Oh fuck, you were gorgeous.

And he used foul language again. Stupid Sunghoon, he reprimanded himself.

“This is your new personal guard, Y/N.”

a/n: it kinda reads like ‘y/N iS nOt LiKe oThEr gIrLs’ in this bit but i swear that was not the intent! hoon (is a loser) has simply never had real interaction with women who aren’t royals, so pls don’t take it in that manner <3 this is probably going to be my longest oneshot yet, my motivation to write is not completely dead we cheered!!

there is a taglist for this oneshot, lmk if you want to be added on it in my asks!

#mallow’s works #divider by fairytopea #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen au #enhypen royal au #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon angst #sunghoon oneshot #enhypen angst #sunghoon enhypen #prince au #sunghoon fic #enhypen fic teaser

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babymetaldoll · 1 year

Text

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter ten: “If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you”

Summary: Spencer takes his one chance to win the love of his life back. Will he get her?

Word count: 8,5K

Warnings: Angst, alcohol, hangover, sadness, more angst, cursing, and fluff.

A/N: Hey guys!! fair warning: Just two more chapters after this!!!!

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel’s Masterlist

Previous chapter | Next chapter

(Y/N)’s point of view

My head was killing me. I woke up late and barely had time to shower and do my makeup. Why did I let my mom give me so much alcohol? Who am I kidding? I wanted to get drunk and cry. Now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions.

I didn’t set foot in the bullpen. Instead, after I walked out of the elevator I ran to JJ’s old office and locked myself in there. The smell of fresh coffee hit me as soon as I closed the door behind my back. I knew I wasn’t carrying any coffee, ‘cos that morning I was too late for work to make breakfast, so I was also starving.

But as a miracle, there was a fresh cup of coffee, a fruit salad, and an eclair on the desk. So Spencer had been there already. And he was still trying to win me back. Unfortunately for me, that morning it kinda worked. I was too hungry and hung over to reject that treat. And so, I ate everything he left there for me. I was glad he wasn’t around, though. I didn’t want him to know just how welcome his breakfast was.

- “Good morning”- Spencer stood at the door and stared at me from a safe distance. I barely had time to put the coffee cup down and wipe my mouth from any eclair left- “I’m glad you enjoyed your breakfast.”

- “Was it from you? I thought I was Penelope’s.”

I lied and looked at the papers on my desk to avoid eye contact. The few seconds I looked at him had been painful enough. He looked miserable. The dark rings under his eyes were massive and as dark as the days after Tobias Hankel tortured him. It brought miserable memories to see him like that. It also felt like a heartbreaking confirmation of his drug issues.

- “I was wondering if we could talk after work today.”- Spencer whispered and stayed still, waiting for my reply. But I didn’t say a word. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was time to talk to him and ends things once and for all. Why was I still delaying that conversation? Only because it scared me to death.

- “I was at your mom’s last night. I don’t know if she told you, or if you heard me.”

I wanted to be mad at him, but as I heard his voice I realized more than anger, the feeling that invaded me was heartbreak. I was brokenhearted. And somehow it felt worst. I could deal with my anger, I knew how to manage it and act in control when I was mad. But brokenhearted was new. I had never felt that way before, not like that. Not to the point of feeling my chest ripped open and my heart pulled out from it.

- “Mom mentioned it.”- I whispered and glued my eyes to the computer screen. Spencer took a few steps closer to my desk, but still, I refused to turn to him.

- “So, about tonight, I was thinking maybe we can have dinner. We hadn’t been to your favorite Italian place in a while.”

- “No, thanks.”- my reply came out harder than I intended. Maybe because his proximity made me feel even more vulnerable.

- “Chipmunk, please.”

- “Good morning.”- Morgan’s voice interrupted Spencer and stopped me from crying. I looked at the door and he stood there, awkwardly, staring at us trying to read the room. It wasn’t hard to decode we were not comfortable.

- “Hey Derek, what can I do for you?”

- “Hotch asked me to tell you a few cadets are coming today for a talk with him and Rossi, and he wanted you to assist him.”

- “Sure, what time?”- I honestly didn’t have time to do it, but anything that meant staying away from Spencer seemed to be a good idea at the moment.

- “Half hour. He wanted to see you in his office.”- I smiled at Derek and stood up.

- “Thank you, Morgan. Excuse me.”- I gathered a notebook, a pen, and my phone, and left the room without any other word or even looking at Reid.

I waved at Prentiss and JJ on my way to Hotch’s office, and they looked at me as if they had seen a ghost. Did I really look that bad? I took mental notes of checking my makeup before the meeting with the cadets. Hotch’s door was open, so I knocked and just walked in before he would say anything.

- “Hey, Morgan said you needed me.”

- “Yes, please take a seat.”- I moved a chair closer to his desk and got ready to listen. Aaron finished signing a few papers and looked at me.

- “Did you sleep?”

- “Do I look too bad?”- I ran my fingers through my hair, probably making a mess, as Hotch raised an eyebrow- “Yes, I slept. Mom and I had a few drinks last night.”

- “I was gonna ask you to assist me in talking with a few cadets, but I think I’m gonna ask JJ to help.”

- “What? Why? Do I really look that bad?”- Hotch stared at me frowning and didn’t say a word. His mouth was a straight line- “I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

- “I’m not saying you look bad, but you are clearly tired.”

- “I’m ok. What do you need me to do? Talk with the kids? Look charming? Sell them the BAU?”

- “Could you and Penelope get a few things to eat? The catering failed us.”- I somehow felt disappointed, but simply nodded. When Morgan said Hotch needed my help, I thought it was something important. Not being his personal shopper assistant.

- “Do you have a grocery list or something?”- I stood up and he handed me a piece of paper.

- “Thank you, (Y/N). I appreciate it.”

Now I wasn’t just tired and depressed, I also felt insulted. Great. I walked through the bullpen straight to Garcia’s batcave on the other side of the floor. There she was, talking with Morgan, giggling like a schoolgirl, staring at him as he smiled at her.

- “Hey guys. Garcia, Hotch asked me to take you shopping today.”- I looked at my friends and tried to look cheerful. Of course, it didn’t work.

- “Oh my god, munchkin, did you sleep?”- Garcia jumped from her chair and walked to me. Her hands rested on my arms as she sweetly caressed me.

- “I did, I had a rushed morning, that’s all. So, ready to go? We are in a hurry.” - Garcia looked at me and then looked at Morgan, who just stood up nodding.

- “Yes, sure. I have to powder my nose first. Wait for me in your car?”- I raised an eyebrow and stared at her. She was blushing, and nervous.

- “Sorry pretty girl. We were just about to finish talking, I need to tell her something. Why don’t you wait for Garcia in your car? She’ll be there in a second”

The way Morgan called me “pretty girl” was odd, for the first time. He was lying, but I didn’t know which part was bullshit. And to be completely honest, I didn’t want to know. I was sleepy, hungover, and grumpy. I just agreed with his idea and walked out of the batcave. It was already bad enough having to go get groceries for Hotch to add more drama to the whole experience.

I sat behind the wheel of my car and kept surfing radio stations, not actually hearing anything. I just kept pushing the button as soon as I realized the song that was playing. Didn’t care if I liked it or now. I was about to call Pen and argue we were already late when the door at the passenger seat opened and Spencer got into the car.

- “Sorry, Garcia couldn’t make it and she asked me to help you instead.”

- “You have to be joking!”- I nearly yelled as he smiled awkwardly and bucked up.- “What are you doing? Get out of my car!”

- “Sorry, but I promised Hotch I wasn’t going to let our personal problems interfere with our work. And as far as I know, this is a work-related trip to get some things to eat.”- he replied calmly, making it so easy to hate him. The worst part was he was right, I knew it and so I just bit my lips and started the car. The faster we got all the groceries, the faster I was away from my liar fiance.

I had been driving in silence for less than five minutes when Spencer started talking. Did I want to listen to his voice? Not at the minute, though a part of me felt it was incredibly comforting to know he was there, in that same car with me. I was still mad at him, but I missed him so much I was going insane.

- “Did Hotch give you a list of things we should get?”

- “Yes”- I answered coldly. It was a thirty-minute drive to the closest Walmart, and I knew I was going to suffer every minute of that ride. I took a mental note to text Garcia as soon as I was out of that car just to tell her how much I hated her.

- “Do you mind if I play some music?”

- “Whatever.”- I kept my eyes glued to the road and made my best effort to pretend Spencer didn’t exist. But do you want to know what he did? He started playing “I’m sorry” songs he knew I’d love.

First, he played “Line without a hook” by Ricky Montgomery, then “Moonlight” by The Future Island. He actually had the nerve to sing it along. I swear I wanted to jump off that car. By the time he sang “Walking after you” by the Foo fighters, I had had enough. So I turned off the radio and he stopped singing right away.

- “Enough music.”

- “Sorry…”- he whispered and stayed in silence for a few minutes. But of course, it didn’t last.

- “Did you get enough sleep last night?”- he whispered and I sighed.

- “No. You?”

- “Neither did I. I don’t know if Frank mentioned it, but he was at our place last night.”- I tried not to show any emotion, but it shocked me to know my best friend had visited him. It also made me feel better to know Frank was taking care of him.

- “No, I haven’t talked to him.”

- “He stopped by at dinner and forced me to eat.”

- “Good.”- I really didn’t know what to answer at that. I kept biting my lips to stop myself from saying anything. Ten minutes later I parked outside Walmart and practically ran out of the car.

Honestly, how the fuck did I get there with Spencer? I just wanted to run away and hide from him. Instead, I walked by his side, as he pushed a fucking cart.

Spencer’s point of view

My plan wasn’t working. Ok, fine, it wasn’t the best plan ever, but I was desperate. When Morgan told me Hotch needed (Y/N) to get some groceries for his meeting with Garcia, I basically begged her to let me go with (Y/N) instead. It was the only way I knew I could talk to her in private outside work. Or even just hang out with her a little bit. I even listed a few songs I could use to melt her heart but failed terribly. So there I was, pushing a cart around Walmart, following her around the store in silence. She just kept picking snacks for the cadets and I didn’t say a word.

- “Can you pick a few sandwiches? I’m gonna get the cupcakes and we are done.”- those were the only words she said to me the entire time we were at the store. If you ask me, my plan was a complete failure.

- “Sure. Do you need anything else?”- but (Y/N) didn’t answer, she had already walked away from me.

The ride back to Quantico was basically silent. The radio was on, but we just heard the local news. I tried to think of any other moment in my life when (Y/N) had been this mad at me, but I couldn’t recall anything. I remembered when I pushed her out of my apartment, while on drugs. Even after that, she wasn’t mad at me. She just wanted to help me quit drugs.

I knew how much I had ruined things, but I still kept realizing every day just how bad my situation was with her. I mean it. I knew of all the things I could have done to her, getting drugs was the worst. It was the same as cheating. And I would never cheat on her.

- “I’m sorry”- I whispered as (Y/N) parked her car back at the BAU. She looked at me for a second, it was the first time she had knowledge my existence since we left the store, though I had been sitting in the same car with her for over half an hour.

- “I know. But sorry it’s not enough”- she replied and opened the door.

- “I miss you, chipmunk”- I said as I grabbed a few of the bags with groceries and she closed the car.

- “I know. But what do you want me to do? Forgive you and pretend you didn’t break my heart?”

I broke her heart. I had sworn I was never going to do anything remotely close to it, but I did anyway. I didn’t mean to, but I still did it. I didn’t deserve her.

(Y/N) didn’t wait for my reply, she just turned around and walked to the elevator, holding a bunch of paper bags. I followed her quickly and bit my lips. I knew no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to fix anything with her that day. At least no there. I needed proof.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I never thought things would end up the way they did. I held a gin and tonic dad had made for me and sat by the pool in our backyard. Mom set a few things to eat at a table nearby, as Frank, Mikey, and Lu kept talking about their week.

When did I time travel and went back to college? ‘Cos it felt like our old Fridays at home. My friends were always at my house, probably ‘cos mom loved hosting and feeding them. Dad would stop by after his shift and put an eye on us, and if Phoenix didn’t have a better plan, he would stay with us and play any random board game we picked.

Yes, it was sweet, but under the circumstances I was under, it felt odd. Specially ‘cos neither dad nor my older brother knew what had happened with Spencer, and they kept asking me if he was going to join us any time soon.

- “Not today.”- I replied and took a long sip of my drink. That was not how my first night off work was planned to be. But at that point, nothing was going according to plan.

- “What the hell? Is there something wrong?”- dad asked mom and I pretended I didn’t listen.

- “No, they just argued. But everything is ok”- dad scoffed and lighted a cigarette.

- “I’m sure it’s just pre-wedding anxiety.”- mom didn’t reply, she just stared at me and cut me a warm smile.

- “So what do you wanna play tonight?”- Mikey held a bunch of games and stared at us expectantly- “Catan for old days? Exploding kittens? Jenga?”

- “Anything but Scrabble”- Frank grabbed a beer and sat next to me- “Sorry, but playing with you, nugget, is the worst thing ever.”- I just shook my head and sighed.

- “I’m not really in the mood for games. Can we just… do nothing?”

- “Oh come on, peanut! It’s your last weekend as a single woman! Next Friday we are gonna be at the rehearsing dinner”- Phoenix stood behind me and shook my shoulders. His words weren’t meant to hurt, but they did. I didn’t want to think about the wedding. I still didn’t know if I wanted to marry Reid. And I still didn’t want to think about it.

- “How about a nice round of Uno and then we can watch a movie?”- Lu suggested and smiled at me- “Something you like, filled with gore and maybe zombies.”

- “A movie sounds nice.”- I replied and watched Mikey shuffling the cards- “Are you going out tonight?”- I asked my brother, who sat at the table with us and sipped his beer.

- “And miss all this fun? No way!”- he chuckled and looked at me for a few seconds more than usual. And I hated knowing he had realized there was something wrong with me. I was glad he didn’t ask anything though, ‘cos I didn’t want to share my relationship issues with him. Not that I didn’t trust him, I just knew he would get super mad at Reid, and probably in his “older brother mode,” which mostly meant threatening to punch him for breaking my heart.

Mom and dad kept talking, god knows about what, as me and my friends- plus my brother- kept playing Uno, and somehow, I even had fun. Until the bell rang and I felt a chill run down my spine because I knew who was standing at the door. You didn’t need to be a genius to figure it out.

Dad stood up to answer and I looked at my friends. They all knew what was coming, and I guess we were all trying to figure out how to avoid any argument in front of everybody.

- “Peanut, your husband is here!”- dad announced and tapped on Spencer’s back as they walked to us, waving awkwardly. I don’t think he thought everybody was going to be there that night.

I stood up and did the only thing that made sense: I tried to keep Spencer from talking with my family.

- “Hey, let’s go inside.”- I grabbed his arm, ready to drag him back into the house, but Phoenix stopped me.

- “My new brother!! Long time no see! Have a beer with me!”- Spencer looked at him and then at me. I tried to beg him with my eyes not to do anything stupid and for a second, I thought he had understood.

- “Hey Phoenix, nice to see you. I didn’t know you were in town.”

- “I asked for the entire week free for my little sister’s wedding.”- he answered proudly- “Besides, I am waiting for your bachelor party!”

- “I’m planning that!”- Frank announced, I don’t know if he was serious or if that was his way to help me. It worked though, Phoenix turned to my friend and started asking what he had planned, and I dragged Spencer into the house in a second.

- “What are you doing here?”- I closed the kitchen door, trying to get some privacy.

- “Sorry, I didn’t know you had company.”- he said and opened his satchel- “I just stopped by to give you these.”- he took a few envelopes and put them in my hand. I stared at them not getting what he was doing. So I stared at him and raised my eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

- “I know you are not going to believe me when I tell you I haven’t taken a drop of Dilaudid since you helped me recover, but I hope these will help you see how sober I am.”

- “What are these?”

- “All the drug tests I managed to get done in these few days. There are urine, hair, and saliva drug tests in there. They are all negative.”- I stayed still, staring at those envelopes for a few seconds, maybe minutes because it felt forever. And Spencer kept his eyes on me the entire time. Waiting for my reaction.

- “What do you want me to do now?”- I asked him finally- “Read the results and trust you again?”

- “These are proof I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t lie.”

- “You did lie, you got the fucking drugs in the first place. You felt like you could start using it again and never told me about it. Why?”

Spencer opened his mouth, but no word came from it. He just stared at me with watered-up eyes, trying to gather his thoughts.

- “Fine, you never used it, but you bought it. You went behind my back and for a moment, you actually considered using it. You also never got rid of it. Until I found it, that shit was still in your jacket, ready for another moment of weakness.”

- “Chipmunk, that’s not what happened! Yes, I was weak and bought it, but as soon as I was home alone, ready to use it…”- Spencer wanted to tell her he had stopped because he realized it was a mistake. But the truth was, he stopped because Frank interrupted him.

- “Why didn’t you trust me? Why did you keep it to yourself? We’ve been a team for so many years! Way before we started dating! I’ve always been there for you, you’ve always shared how you felt with me! Why did you stop?”- I tried not to yell, but failed. I had been trying to control my feelings and my thoughts for two days already, and I couldn’t do it any longer.

- “I… I didn’t want to look weak in front of you.”- he confessed as tears started falling down his eyes- “I didn’t want you to think you had a weak boyfriend.”

- “I would have rather have an honest boyfriend”- I threw the envelopes on the kitchen island and stared at him, making my best effort not to cry.- “Now how do I trust you again?”

- “I am so sorry”- he murmured as he started sobbing. It broke my heart to look at him like that. He just closed his eyes and cried in front of me, knowing there was nothing he could say that might fix what he had done.

- “I didn’t ask you that question to make you feel bad. I asked you ‘cos I really want to know”- my chin quivered as I said those words- “How can I trust you again, Spencer? After you broke my heart? How can I marry you? How can I know you won’t do it again?”

- “Peanut?”- I turned around and looked at my dad frowning. Next to him was my brother. And behind them, mom and my friends. They were all staring at the show.

- “Can you just leave us alone?”- I whispered and my friends quickly disappeared. But my family didn’t even move.

- “What the hell is going on here? Why are you crying?”- Phoenix walked toward me and stood in front of Spencer, looking intimidating. I even wondered if he was still carrying his gun with him.

- “We were just talking”- I tried to explain and make lights off of the whole deal, but we were both crying and we had yelled, which clearly they had all heard.

- “What the fuck did you do to my sister?”- my brother didn’t even try to have a conversation, he pushed Spencer back, and I quickly grabbed him and kept him away from Reid.

- “Stop, stop, he didn’t do anything.”

- “(Y/N), you are crying and yelling you are never going to trust him again, obviously he broke your heart!”- my brother argued and turned to Reid again- “What the fuck did you do? Did you cheat on her? ‘Cos if you did, I’m gonna fucking kill you, and I’m not even kidding!”

- “Stop! Phoenix!”- I stood in front of Spencer and tried to shield him from any attack from my older brother.

- “This is between the two of us, it doesn’t involve any of you! So just get out!”- I tried to sound firm, but instead, my voice broke and I sounded pathetic.

- “Peanut…”- dad said and looked at me concerned.

- “Chief (Y/L/N), Phoenix, I didn’t cheat on her, but I did break her trust.”- Spencer whispered as he tried to stop crying- “A few years back…”- and I cut him right there.

- “They don’t have to know what happened.”

- “But I wanna tell them, chipmunk. I love you, and I am ashamed of what happened. I want you to forgive me, and I want your family to forgive me for making you cry too.”

His words moved me, and I couldn’t say another word. I just stared at him wiping off the tears from his face as he stood in front of my dad and brother, confessing the one thing I never wanted either of them to know.

- “A few years ago I was kidnapped and tortured by an unsub. His name was Tobias Hankel. He was delusional and had split personalities. He drugged me for days, as a way to help me survive his torture. That’s how I got hooked on Dilaudid. I struggled to quit for a few months after I was back to work. I had never used any substance before, and I don’t think I would have been able to quit if it wasn’t for (Y/N).”

Spencer paused his words and looked down at his hands for a moment. I knew that wasn’t a subject that came easy for him to speak about, and I felt awfully guilty to know he was telling my family about it because he didn’t want them to think he had cheated on me.

- “She was the only one who worried about me enough to show me how much I was hurting people with my behavior. And she even took time off work to help me rehab. I was already in love with her back then, but after that, I knew she was the only drug I wanted to be hooked on for the rest of my life.”

Wow, I surely didn’t see that kind of confession coming. He actually loved me even back then?

- “But a few months ago, when we found out our friend Prentiss had died, I had a moment of weakness and got Dilaudid again behind her back. I felt useless and hurt. And for a split second, I thought drugs were the way to cope with my pain. But I stopped. I didn’t use a drop.”

- “Spencer, please don’t”- I whispered and he shook his head.

- “No, Chipmunk. I want them to know, ‘cos I know I fucked up, but you made me better once, and you stopped me from using again. I love you and I knew you deserved a better man. Not a drug addict. So I didn’t use the drugs I got and crawled back to her arms.”

No one said a word. I’m sure no one saw it coming, not even close. Phoenix was clearly confused, and my dad was shocked. I wanted to hold Spencer’s hand for courage but stopped myself. I was still mad at him, even after that confession.

- “But, as you can imagine, you can’t hide anything from a profiler, and she found out what I had done. Now I am here begging for mercy because I can’t picture life without her. I know I broke her trust and she is mad at me, but I’ll wait forever if there is a chance she takes me back.”

I looked at him and he cut me a short, sad smile.

- “I can not be without you, matter of fact”- he whispered, and my chest tightened. I just stared at him and felt my heart beating as hard as it could go.

- “Spencer, I think you should leave”- that was all my father said. I looked at him confused, I thought after Spencer’s confession he would be nicer to him, but no. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for either him or my brother.

Reid nodded and started walking. He looked at me and waved as I just stood there, motionless

- “I’m sorry to bother you.”- that was all he said before he walked away. Mom followed him to the door as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, not knowing what to do.

- “Are you ok?”- dad asked and I shook my head- “Come here peanut, let’s have a talk.”

Dad held my hand and guided me back outside, where I had left my drink. I grabbed it and drank the entire thing without even breathing. I had never needed a drink as much as I did that minute. My friends looked at me from the side and cut me a sympathetic smile. Dad just walked toward me and asked:

- “After all I heard, I only have one question for you: Do you still wanna marry Doctor Reid?”

I opened my mouth to answer as I stared at him. I only nodded and broke into tears. No matter how hurt I was, I loved Spencer. He was the best person I had ever met, and I couldn’t just let him go. I had waited for him for so long, and now that I had him, could I let him go due to drugs? I knew I was mad at him, I knew I had said I couldn’t trust him… but I loved Spencer more than I loved life itself. I didn’t want to go through life without him.

Dad opened his arms and hugged me. And for once, I didn’t argue or even struggled. I just let him embrace me and wrap me in his arms. I didn’t even notice when I started crying, I just realized when mom handed me a kleenex box.

- “I’m so mad at him, dad, but I love him so much”- I mumbled and he just nodded.

- “I know, peanut, I know.”

- “Please don’t hate him!”

- “Come on, how could I? Did you see what that kid just did? He faced your entire family just to make sure we all knew he didn’t cheat on you.”- I looked at him and dad ran his fingers across my cheeks, wiping off the tears that kept falling.

- “But… he just told you he had a drug problem and you kicked him out.”

- “Because I wanted to talk to you. He loves you, you love him. You made him a better man and he gives you joy”- dad smiled at me and looked right into my eyes- “I��ve loved Spencer from day one not only because he was clearly in love with you, but because he made you happy. You loved him way before you even admitted it. He always took care of you out there, on the field. And I know he would die just to keep you safe.”

- “Dad…”- I argued ‘cos I felt embarrassed, but he continued his speech.

- “Yes, he is fucked up, and he made a huge mistake, but he loves you. Not just with words, but with acts.”

- “I know, dad.”- I managed to mumble.

- “And believe me, I know it’s hard to trust someone who broke your heart, but it’s easier when it’s someone who is willing to do anything he can to rebuild that trust.”

- “But what if he fucks up again?”- I whispered and looked down at my hands. Mom walked over and wrapped an arm around my waistline, moving me closer to her.

- “My baby. You don’t know that. Even if you hadn’t had this argument with Spencer, you would had never known if he was ever going to fail you. When you love someone, you can only give them your heart and wish he never fails you.”

It was odd hearing my divorce parents giving me couple’s advices. But I always knew they got along after their divorce, and somehow, in a very weird, personal way, they still loved each other.

- “Besides, I’m pretty sure he knows if he breaks your heart, I’m gonna kill him.”- Phoenix added and lighted another cigarette.

- “I’m not sure he knows you don’t wanna kill him now.”- I pointed out and poured myself another drink.

- “That’s the idea. He has to live in complete fear. Never tell him I’m happy you are gonna marry him.”- my brother winked and I frowned confused.

My whole family now knew Spencer had drug issues in the past. And no one actually cared. Why? Was it because they all thought highly best of him? Because they all knew just how much he loved me?

My family was well aware of how much Spencer loved me, and they all gave us their blessing, in a very odd and awkward way.

Spencer’s point of view

Saturday morning found me awake, sitting on the floor of the apartment, surrounded by books. I didn’t sleep at all the night before. I just tried to keep myself busy reading to avoid thinking and overanalyzing what had happened. But I knew I was screwed.

(Y/N)’s parents were now aware I was a drug addict, and that I had failed their daughter. There was no way our wedding was ever going to happen now. I was sure. So I just stared around the apartment we had shared for a few months, thinking I should have known better from the start. When had I ever been this happy? It was clear this bliss was not meant for me. It had never had, and I would never be.

I noticed the sun was already shining outside my windows, a few rays of light sneaking between the curtains. I groaned and didn’t move from my spot against the wall. The floor was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t think I deserved better. I grabbed the book I had been re-reading for the hundredth time that night: (Y/N)’s copy of Pride and Prejudice. I held it close to my chest, like I dreamt of doing with her, and closed my eyes.

Time didn’t seem to pass fast enough, but I didn’t care. I didn’t have anything to do or anywhere to go. I didn’t even move to make myself a cup of coffee. I just held that book with my life and sat on the floor. Until a sound on the door made me jump. It was a key opening the lock. I whipped my head and held my breath. Slowly, the door opened and (Y/N)’s silhouette appeared by the frame. She looked around, searching for something.

- “Hey”- I whispered from my spot and slowly stood up. (Y/N) walked in and closed the door behind her back. She stayed still in the middle of the room not saying a word. I glued my eyes to her, not knowing what to say. Why was she there? To pick us her stuff? If that was the case, I didn’t want to stay around.

- “What happened here?”- she questioned me and pointed at the mess I had created.

- “I… needed to… couldn’t find a book”- that was my lousy explanation.

- “And then a tornado crushed the entire place”- she added and I smiled looking down, embarrassed.

- “Yeah, something like that.”

There was a weird silence among us. I didn’t know what to say. Until the smell of coffee captured all my senses and I noticed she was carrying a tray.

- “I brought you breakfast”- she whispered and slowly moved to the kitchen, the only place that was safe from the mess I had created. I followed her in silence and watched her unpack two cups of coffee, a bagel, and a muffin.

- “Thank you”- I replied as she gave me all the food. She just sipped her cup of coffee and looked at me. I grabbed the bagel and took a bite. Just then I realized I hadn’t eaten in over a day. I had survived only on coffee and herbal tea.

She didn’t comment on it, but I’m sure she noticed I was starving. Probably that’s why she bought my favorite breakfast. I chewed in silence. She held her cup of coffee with both hands and didn’t say a word for a few minutes. Until she whispered:

- “Ok, now we can talk."

And I immediately choke on my bagel.

I coughed and drank a sip of my coffee, trying to recover my breath.

- “Are you ok?”- she asked and started hitting me in the back right in the middle of the shoulder blades.

- “Yes… thank you.”- I cleared my throat and (Y/N) gave me a glass of water, one I drank rather quickly.

- “Sure?”

- “Yeah, just…”- I cut her a short smile as finished my water.- “So you wanna talk, finally.”- (Y/N) nodded and put her coffee down. I stared at her, resting against the counter just staring at her hands for a few minutes. I was scared, terrified actually, of her decision, but I was willing to find out just to stop the pain and the agony of the unknown.

- “Yes.”- (Y/N) whispered and took a deep breath- “I’m sorry.”

My heart broke with those words. She was apologizing ‘cos she was about to end things for good. I stared at her, fighting the tears back, and lowered my eyes.

- “I’m sorry I ran from you all these days, but I just couldn’t find a way to talk to you. I was beyond mad at you. You lied to me and went behind my back.”- she enumerated my mistakes as I simply heard her sentencing my fate.

- “I understand.”- that was all I managed to say.

- “You have no idea how I felt when I discovered that bottle, Spencer.”- she continued talking and I glued my eyes to my feet as she did- “I was hurt and disappointed. You broke my heart.”

- “I’m sorry.”- I mumbled and felt how the tears started falling from my eyes, soaking my cheeks.

- “Why did you do it?”- I just shook my head at her question.

- “I don’t know.”

- “Yes, you do. You said you didn’t want me to think I had a weak boyfriend.”- she added and I whipped off the tears from my cheeks. Not the strongest action against that statement, I must add.

- “I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you needed.”- I murmured. And that was all I managed to say.

- “I never asked you to be anything, Spencer. I just wanted you to love me.”

- “And I love you! so much!”- my words sounded so pathetic as I spoke the out loud. It was so hard to maintain that conversation, ‘cos I just wanted to hug (Y/N) and burst into tears. But she remained still, standing against the counter, arms crossed on her chest.

- “Then why couldn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you go behind my back?”- (Y/N) questioned me and I heard her voice break as she did. I was too ashamed to look her in the eyes and explain everything.

- “I… I don’t know! ‘Cos you deserved better than a wreak boyfriend who kept thinking about using drugs to avoid the pain of losing a friend, and the terror of not being good enough to keep you safe!”

I ended up confessing and grabbed my coffee cup. It was too early to drink, though it felt like a good time for a whisky. But the coffee should be enough.

- “I was so scared this could ever happen!”- (Y/N) sobbed after a few seconds, and I finally looked at her.

Her eyes were red, filled with tears. She wrapped her own arms around her waist, holding herself the way I wanted to hold her. It hurt to look at her in so much pain. A pain I knew I had inflected.

- “I never imagined it would be this bad, but I was scared that us dating would affect what we had before.”- (Y/N) mumbled. I stared at her in silence, not getting what she was talking about.

- “When we were friends, we could tell each other anything. Everything that ever happened to us. And when we started dating I feared for a moment that might change. But then everything was perfect, and you were great, and I was happy… why couldn’t you just tell me how you felt? Why did you keep this from me?”

- “I’m so sorry”- I sobbed and heard (Y/N) whimpering. I don’t know how I managed to move from my spot, but my urges to comfort her were stronger than anything I had ever felt before.

So I held her.

I wrapped my arms around her body and moved her against me, keeping her as close as possible. I hadn’t felt her this near in days and my entire being ached for her. As corny as that sounds, it was a fact. I knew right there I was definitely never going to be able to live without her. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I needed her in more ways than I could even imagine.

- “I’m sorry too”- (Y/N) mumbled against my chest as I kept her secured in my arms.

- “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong”- I whispered and kissed the top of my head, only because I couldn’t hold myself back for a moment.

- “I’m sorry I didn’t support you when you felt bad.”- she moved from my arms and looked at me, and those pretty eyes were so honest and painfully beautiful, I just stared at her speechless.

- “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the girlfriend you deserve. I got mad and yelled, and I refused to talk to you… I shouldn’t had.”

I cupped her face with both my hands and ran my thumbs down her cheeks, cleaning her soft skin from any tear that fell from her eyes. She wasn’t joking, she was sorry for real. And I couldn’t even begin to explain how wrong she was for apologizing over something like that.

- “You didn’t do anything wrong, chipmunk. I was the one who ruined everything.”- I whispered, but she shook her head, ready to argue with me.

- “You didn’t feel like telling me what was wrong. That was my fault as well.”- she replied and bit her lower lip, trying not to cry.

- “Never say that again. None of this was your fault. I was weak, and I didn’t want to be a burden.”

- “You felt like you couldn’t tell me something. That has to be in part my fault.”- I shook my head and lost myself in her eyes, as she looked at me, pleading for forgiveness, even when she shouldn’t- “I hurt you, honey bunny. I will never forgive myself for that.”

- “Please, don’t say that.”- I kissed her forehead as tears blurred my vision- “You were nothing but wonderful to me every day we were together.”- I whispered and felt staring at her in adoration as she wide opened her eyes and gasped.

- “We… were together?”- she muttered and tears filled her eyes as she stared right at me.

- “I… you.. when we…”- why was it so hard for me to put myself together around her?- “I… I understand if you don’t want to…”

- “But I want to”- her whisper was a ray of hope that hit and woke me, filling me with an energy I hadn’t felt ever since I lost her.

- “You… still love me?”- I asked her and she nodded right away. I smiled at her, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I leaned in and rested my forehead against hers as her hands clinging around my neck. My heart was beating so hard inside my chest, finally, I felt alive again.

- “And do you still want to marry me?”- I whispered, still a little scared of her answer.

- “I do, if you want to.”- (Y/N) answered and smiled at me for a second, looking incredibly nervous of my answer.

- “I want to, so much”- I quickly replied and crushed my lips against her instantly. I held her even closer, if possible, and kissed her with all the passion and love I could, rubbing my lips against her and slipping my tongue into her mouth in a second. I didn’t want to waste time. I couldn’t hold myself. I felt that my sould was back inside my body, and my heart was finally complete. She loved me, she was going to marry me. She wasn’t going to leave my side.

- “I love you so much, (Y/N)”- I murmured against her lips. I kept both my hands on her cheeks, scared she might realize she was making a mistake and could try to escape from me. But instead. She tangled her fingers in my hair and moaned.

- “I love you, I love you”- she repeated as she continued kissing me. I moved my hands from her face to her waist and lifted her, sitting her on the counter. She gasped and giggled as I did, never breaking the kiss for longer than a few seconds to catch our breath.

I rested my hands on her waist and kept them there as we kissed. It was passionate, but still very sweet. I wanted everything of her, I had missed her kisses, her body, her presence, and her entire being. I didn’t know how to take it all in again, I just knew I needed to catch up on every kiss I had missed during our fight.

- “I promise I’m never keeping anything from you again”- I whispered and she nodded. She continued kissing me, as her hands caressed my cheeks softly.

- “I promise I’ll be more supportive. You can tell me anything.”- she mumbled and then started kissing my neck. My weakest spot.- “I’ll be the best wife you ever dreamed of.”

I couldn’t answer that, I just groaned and kissed her deeper. My hands moved slowly from her waist to the gem of her t-shirt and started taking it off. And that’s when she stopped me.

- “Wait.”- she gasped for air and held both my hands.

- “What is it?”- I tried to kiss her neck, but she moved from me.

- “I want us to wait.”

- “Wait for what?”- I think all the blood in my body was focused on my lower half, ‘cos I was being really dumb.

- “Wait to have sex again, until we are married.”- (Y/N) explained and I was in shock.

- “B… but.. What… why?”- I mumbled and widened my eyes, staring at her. (Y/N) blushed and bit her lips, making it even harder for me to control myself. I was dying to bite her lips as well.

- “It’s just a week. And I think if we wait to do it again until we are married, it would make it all more special.”

I stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying. All I needed that minute was to feel her body against mine and to kiss every inch of her skin. I had missed her, I craved for her. And she wanted me to wait for an entire week?!

- “Don’t you think?”- (Y/N) asked and raised an eyebrow. I kept trying to find the right words to tell her how I felt, but I still felt like walking around eggshells with her. So I sighed and nodded.

- “Sure. It will make it more special.”

I was doomed.

- “I know it’s gonna be hard, honey bunny. I’ve missed you so much all these days we’ve been apart”- (Y/N) kissed me softly, and sucked my lower lip as she parted from me- “But just imagine how hot our wedding night is gonna be.”

- “So hot”- I whispered and kissed her fiercely one more time. I moved my hand underneath her t-shirt and she stopped me right before I could reach her bra.

- “I told you, honey bunny. I wanna wait.”

- “But I don’t think I can wait.”- I kissed her neck and she giggled as I did. She wrapped her arms around my neck, stopping my advances as she stared at me. I sighed and looked into her eyes. She wasn’t kidding.

- “Trust me, this is not easy for me either. But…”- her hands held my cheeks, stopping me from kissing her neck any longer. She just looked me in the eyes and smiled- “But it’s just for a few days.”

- “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to hold myself sleeping with you for the next few days and not touching you, ma cherie.”- I whispered and my fingers played with her soft skin underneath her shirt. She bit her lower lip staring at me with an innocent look in her eyes.

- “I know, me neither. That’s why I won’t be sleeping with you until our wedding night.”

My balls turned blue in a second.

I stopped and frowned. She was smiling mischievously. She knew what she was doing to me, and she was enjoying it.

- “But… why?”- I whispered. (Y/N) started caressing my hair, playing with my scalp and with my hair between her fingers. I hummed and nearly melted at her touch, as I waited for her answer.

- “We are going to spend the rest of our lives together, honey. I want you to miss me a little before the big day, that way, you won’t get tired of me that quickly.”

I shook my head as I heard her and rested my forehead against hers for a second.

- “I would never get tired of you, I swear.”- my voice was a whisper. I knew I was pleading, but she couldn’t just come and deny me what I was craving the most: her.

- “Come on, let’s go out. We have to pick up your tux.”- she said and kissed the top of my nose. (Y/N) jumped from the counter and grabbed my hand. Cleary, that was a fight I was never going to win, and maybe she still wanted to torture me for what I had done to her. And maybe, she was right.

- “Saturday night, we are gonna leave that party early”- I warn her and hear her giggling- “I am not going to be able to keep my hands off you.”

- “Are you that needy, honey?”- she teases and crawls me out of the kitchen.

- “Yes”- I mumble and feel how my pants are immediately tighter. Again.

- “But you have to be a good boy until next friday”- she replies and winks- “Now, let’s clean this mess and then we’ll pick your tux, ok?”

Morgan would have made fun of me, ‘cos I was whipped. And he was right. It was no secret, I would do anything and everything I could to make (Y/N) happy.

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