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chaeunwoof · 5 years

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A Muffled Confession

A story about Eunwoo and Moonbin as roommates and Eunwoo accidentally asked Moonbin to dry his hair for him

This is a Binu one shot I just finished!! I finally got myself together and finished this fic. Tbh this wasn’t the original fic I had planned, this was just smt I wanted to write as a one shot cuz I’m no where near finishing on the other fic im working on fml. please excuse my English and bad grammar cries.

When Eunwoo was young, his parents always worked until late at night. Even though they couldn’t spend a lot of time with young Eunwoo, he never complained and tried his best to take good care of himself. Eunwoo’s parents worked hard to accommodate their busy schedule to participate in small parts of Eunwoo’s childhood. His father would always make sure to get home before he goes to sleep. Often times, his father would sit down by his bed and dry his hair after he showers at night. Young Eunwoo would sit facing the wall while his dad sits behind him by the edge of his bed. It was a special moment for Eunwoo, he shares his little secrets with his father, from small pranks on his mother to relationship issues that he would wish to hide from his mother. They are private conversations because his mother would not be able to hear through the loud noise from the hair dryer. It was an intimate and sweet memory for Eunwoo. As Eunwoo grows up and his father working more hours, this activity drops rapidly and completely stops after Eunwoo had moved into the dorms as he starts training.

Eunwoo was surprised at himself when he asked Moonbin to dry his hair one night after the two of them moved into the same room as ASTRO members.

“Hey Binnie, are you free right now?” Eunwoo finds himself asking Moonbin absentminded when he walks out of the shower. Eunwoo was definitely not finding his new roommate more attractive by the days they’re living and training together. Eunwoo was definitely not feeling anything more than ‘pure friendship’ after spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week with his new roommate. Eunwoo was definitely not feeling butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees his new roommate dance in the studio. Eunwoo was having a hard time shoving his ‘over the line’ thoughts away after not having any time apart from his new roommate due to their busy schedule leading up to their debut. To be fair, Moonbin is very attractive, his dance moves are as good as a professional dancer, his voice is angelic and his personality is too dorky for anyone to dislike.

“Yes Minnie,” I’d do anything for you, Moonbin thinks to himself. “I mean I am just on my phone reading Webtoons, what do you need?” Moonbin replies as he looks up from his phone to find a freshly out of the shower Eunwoo, who’s hair is still wet and is currently drying it with a white towel, like how the main male lead does it in romance dramas. Moonbin couldn’t think straight, No one would be able to think straight after looking at Eunwoo like this, Moonbin mentally slaps himself as he tries to keep his eyes only on Eunwoo’s face.

“I’m sorry but is it okay if I ask you to…” Eunwoo suddenly finds it hard to voice his request, it is pretty embarrassing in his opinion, and he is scared that the other would not like the kind of intimacy this activity brings between the two of them.

Moonbin tilts his head and looks at Eunwoo, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“Like if you have nothing to do…I mean you are definitely doing something right now but is it okay if I… I mean you don’t have to agree but is it okay if I ask you to… dry my hair for me? I mean if you don’t want to it is totally fine I understand this is a weird request, I’m sorry I probably shouldn’t have ask I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable I will dry it my-”

“It is totally fine Eunwoo,” Moonbin chuckles at Eunwoo’s cute reaction. “Give me a second, let me get the hair dryer.” Moonbin answers before he gets off the top bunk, leaving his Webtoon behind.

Eunwoo decides that he would sit on the ground in front of his bunk bed and allow Moonbin to sit on his bed, so it is more comfortable for both of them. To be fair, it is hard to fit two grown boys on the bottom bunk, especially the one they own in the ASTRO dorm.

Moonbin soon sits down behind Eunwoo, with the yellow minion hair dryer in hand. Eunwoo bought the minion dryer online when they were shopping for move in supplies, “It is the cutest thing in the world!” Eunwoo proclaims when the other members asked about the oddly shaped hair dryer.

As Moonbin straightens the wire and attempts to plug it into the outlet in front of Eunwoo, he couldn’t stop thinking about how close they are to each other. Let’s not make this weird and just plug it in... Moonbin you can totally do it. As Moonbin moves closer, Eunwoo unexpectedly turns his head towards Moonbin. There was a moment of complete silence. Moonbin was just very glad he was and currently is still looking straight at the outlet in front of Eunwoo, even though he can feel Eunwoo’s breath right by his neck and his gaze right on his face. Moonbin retreats to his position behind Eunwoo as soon as he plugs the hair dryer into the outlet while trying to keep a straight, he coughs lightly to drag Eunwoo out of his frozen state.

Eunwoo turns back to look at the outlet in front of him, stuttering out an apology “I am sorry I... I didn’t mean to turn, I... I just wanted to check on what you’re currently doing I… once again I am so sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable”

There’s nothing you can do to make me feel uncomfortable around you Moonbin thinks, not even if you walk out of the shower and your towel drops wait what am I thinking MOONBIN GET YOURSELF TOGETHER PLEASE

“Binnie?” Moonbin was dragged out of his thoughts when Eunwoo calls out his name while still facing forward, away from Moonbin.

“Yes Minnie, give me a second I am sorry.” Moonbin then places the hair dryer on the bed and reaches for the towel that is still on Eunwoo’s damped hair. How is someone so cute and what shampoo does he use again? Moonbin gently dries Eunwoo’s hair with the white towel before he took it off and hung it on the ladder by the bunk bed. Then he picks up the hair dryer and starts drying Eunwoo’s hair.

It was a very cute moment, Eunwoo quietly sitting on the floor blushing while Moonbin gently pushes Eunwoo’s hair around and softly shakes the hair dryer so Eunwoo’s hair doesn’t overheat from the dryer. The room is filled with nothing other than the loud noise of the hair dryer and a slight tint of lust in the air.

“Minnie?” Moonbin whispers in hope that Eunwoo wouldn’t answer. He wishes the hair dryer is loud enough to cover his voice from the other members and his own roommate. When Eunwoo did not reply, Moonbin doesn’t know if he didn’t reply because he didn’t hear him or he cannot hear him.

“Dongmin…?” When Eunwoo did not reply to Moonbin calling him by his birth name, Moonbin is certain that Eunwoo did not hear him. Eunwoo always answers when Moonbin calls him by Dongmin, they both know that the name Dongmin is only used when Moonbin desperately needs Eunwoo. However, what Moonbin did not know is that Eunwoo heard him the first time, but he thought he’d imagined it. Eunwoo had the scene of Moonbin romantically drying his hair in his mind like a movie played million times. Eunwoo had been wishing for this kind of intimacy with Moonbin when he realized he was developing feelings for the other. He was in a lot of shock and was still stuck in the idea that this whole thing a dream until Moonbin called him the second time. However he was too in awe to reply before Moonbin continues his monologue.

“do you know...”

“ah of course you don’t know because I’ve never told you…”

“I’m also hoping that you will never know...”

“I’ve always wanted to be this close to you...”

“different from being on stage and just being the soap couple in front of everyone else…”

“but ourselves in our little space and this close to each other...”

“sometimes I just wish I can call you mine…” Moonbin then panics, what if he’s going too far? But then he realizes that no one would hear him and the feeling of relieve washed over him. What Moonbin does not know is that Eunwoo’s face is heating up faster than the hair dryer in his hands.

That was the last thing Moonbin said before he retrieved to silence as he continues to work on drying Eunwoo’s hair. After what felt like an eternality to Eunwoo, he whispers “I can be yours…” It was a very low whisper, one that Moonbin thought he’d imagined it. He looks at Eunwoo’s back with confusion. He turns off the hair dryer, just to check if he heard Eunwoo saying something. Then Eunwoo turns around and looks at Moonbin in the eye, whispering another “I can be yours”, this time, Moonbin was sure he heard him right.

Eunwoo reaches for Moonbin’s hand and turns the hair dryer on even though his hair is definitely dry. Moonbin was confused, he looked at the hair dryer setting on the bed blowing hot air into the bed and then looks up to find Eunwoo’s face just an inch away from his, before he can process anything, Eunwoo’s lips landed on Moonbin’s.

The next morning, Sanha walks up to the breakfast table asking “who blew dry their hair for like 20 minutes straight last night? Wait not really… there was pause in the middle…???” JinJin then adds “yeah, so who was it? Was it Eunwoo or Moonbin? You know manager-nim is going to yell at me again for the electric bill, right?”

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PLEASE SEND ME ASKS OR MESSAGES FOR FEEDBACKS OR CRITICISM I’LL TAKE ANYTHING

#my fic #it is finally done #chaeunwoof #i was gonna tag aroha net but im too scared #i feel like its very shitty fml #ill tag more tags later

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cemeteryrocks900 · 3 years

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This is ALL I will post about my snacks (no meals bc it looked stupid and came out bad)

TW RANT WITH NO DROP DOWN////

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I WILL NOT share how much of this stuff I had bc I’m extremely disgusted in myself

And please I don’t understand why I have self control at home and can starve myself easy peasy but then when I’m with my boyfriend I feel ok to eat (but still have intense guilt)

I literally felt so shitty about myself I wanted to cry but tears wouldn’t come out

This was the first time I ever felt “out of control” I ate 200 over my maintenance but pretty much doubled my personal limit

Honestly I’m so upset with myself that I ate to the point of making myself sick

It wasn’t even a binge bc it was a perfectly normal amount of food

But some days I try to listen to the doctors when they tell me to eat past fullness bc that’s the only way to stop my stomach from shrinking (but maybe that’s what I want, for it to shrink) and it makes me feel like shit

Ed only ever shuts the f up when I’m under my limit or lose weight and I hate it, why can’t he shut the f up, it’s not like I’m going to remember “on March 27th I weighed 1 pound more than the day before” BUT MY BRAIN STILL THINKS I WILL REMEMBER IT AND CAUSES ME TO HAVE A TRAUMA RESPONSE OF FEELING DEPRESSED AND STARING AT MY BLOATED FAT LOOKING STOMACH AND REALIZING ITS GOING TO SPREAD OUT TO MY ENTIRE BODY

Ughhhh fml I hate this shit

Also my boyfriends mom said “oh you have extremely thin hair for texture” and I was like “uhhh no I do not I just have bald spots bc my hair falls out in clumps haha”

And she kept going on saying how it wasn’t good and asked why

And I looked at my boyfriend and I was like “uhhh vitamin deficiencies, I take lots of vitamins but it’s not enough for my hair haha” and she kept telling me to take biotin and first off all maybe it would do a little bit but at the rate my hair falls out there’s no chance biotin will make a huge change

And then I texted my boyfriend and I was like “haha maybe bc I’m an-“ (he didn’t like that joke)

But ya that was basically my day, my boyfriend got a very nice hair cut :) his parents were being asses and certain times, we went snack shopping

OH AND I WANTED TO TRY AND CHALLENGE A DONUT AGAIN AND THEY WERE ALL CINNAMON SUGAR WHICH I HATE so I was like ok maybe I’ll try a muffin, what kind do you have

He said raspberry and blueberry so I went to check the blueberry and they WERE ALL WET

So I decided maybe if I microwave it the moisture will go away and harden up

NOPE IT GOT EVEN MORE WET AND I KEPT GAGGING AND TRIED USING A PAPER TOWEL TO DRY IT OFF AND IT WAS STILL MUSHY, I was gagging so much and I told my boyfriend to eat it and he threw it out

He ate so much less than me today and it pisses me off and makes me feel like a failure and disgusting I told him I wish he would support me more and he just doesn’t understand how, and idk how either but I just wish he magically knew what to do yk? It’s weird

This is a huge ass rant about my day, if you read this far ily <3

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almost-correct-bnha-quotes · 4 years

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hai, so this bish cut her own hair, the layers look good tbh bUT the fringe is too short (fml) so i thought if you dont mind, if you're free, maybe hcs of izuku/todoroki/kirishima on that? please? (i already cried three times because my family bullied me about the fringe and i feel like jim carrey from dumb and dumber tho its actlly not that short)

Hi! I'd love to do this! I'm really sorry your family is so mean to you. Try not to let it get to your heart. I hope this helps you feel better!

Izuku

-He knew you wanted to try a new, shorter haircut for a while.

-To be honest, he was really supportive. If you really wanted to try a new haircut, you should go for it.

-When you shared your worries that it might not turn out well, he was quick to reassure you.

-"Hey, there's nothing that can go bad. If you don't like how it turns out, it's fine. Your hair will grow back in a few months," he told you.

-So one particular Saturday, in the U.A. dorms, you went for it. While the layers were fine, you didn't like how short that the fringe turned out.

-You were low-key stressing out since you had to go to school in two days. Hair was going to grow back in a few months, not a few hours.

-So you did the most logical thing- you called Izuku and asked him to come to your bedroom urgently.

-Within two minutes, you heard knocking on hour door, along with Izuku's worried voice asking you to let him in.

-You didn't specify what the emergency was, so Izuku and his anxious brain only assumed for the worst. What if you accidentally cut off your leg, or broke an arm, or got stuck under the wardrobe that fell on you...

-You opened your door just enough for a person to fit through it and pulled Izuku rapidly inside of your bedroom. As soon as he was inside, you slammed the door shut.

-"Eh, Y/N... What-"

- That's when he noticed your hair.

- You puffed your cheeks as you looked through your wardrobe. You eventually picked out two caps that you really loved.

- "Which one should I wear to school?" You asked.

- "Wel- I- You- Um- You- You don't have to wear one, though. I know that your hair didn't turn out the way you wanted, but it doesn't mean it's ugly. Quite the opposite. You look really nice with it. It would be a shame if others wouldn't get to see it."

-Saying that both of you turned as red as a tomato was an underestimation.

-Regardless, he did make you feel better and, as it turns out, your new hairstyle truly wasn't so bad. Many appreciated it and you actually started a trend amongst girls to cut their hair similar to you in order to be "fashionable".

Todoroki

-You never considered yourself close to Todoroki, but you acknowledged the fact that you did have a particularly strong bond with him.

-It wasn't romantic- it was more like a sibling relationship. You would tease and annoy each other a lot, but when one was in need, the other would always have their back.

-That's why he was the first person you called for comfort one evening. You cut your hair earlier that afternoon and a few students made some really rough comments on it.

-It wasn't that you weren't confident or happy with yourself, but words still hurt and the comments you recieved truly upset you.

-As you sat on your bed in your dorm, trying to cope with your suffering, you heard a knock on your door.

-You honestly hoped it was Todoroki. You called him a solid fifteen minutes ago and he had yet to fulfill your wish to come and be by your side for a while. You didn't dare to go out and look for him. Not with that hairstyle you had.

- "Hey Y/N... I'm here." The person behind the door said. Their voice was so familiar you wouldn't be able to mistake it for anyone else's- Todoroki was there.

-You mumbled something about how he could come in, but for obvious reasons, he couldn't understand what you said.

- "Hey, dickhead, I can't hear you. Open up. I brought you something."

-Your head shot up in curiosity. You wiped off a few tears off your face and made your way to the door.

-You opened it and found yourself standing in front of Todorki, who had a small bag by his side.

- "Surprise. Sorry it took me so long, I had to make a stop by the store nearby."

- You invited him in and soon found yourself laying on the bed, your head on his lap, crying your eyes out. His hand ran through your hair in an attempt to comfort and relax you.

-Honestly, it did.

- "Don't stress so much about it. You had a mild error in the process. It'll get fixed soon." He said.

- "Yeah, but until then..." You said between sobs.

- "You'll live your life like always. Try to enjoy the small things. Buy your favourite candy, sweet or desert. Try some make-up. Buy that t-shirt you've wanted for a while. Do whatever. It'll get better before you know."

- "How can you know so much?"

- "Experience," Todoroki shrugged, "Had to accept I can't change some things and how to live with that."

- "Like what?"

-"Shitty father... Half a quirk I don't want... and ugly hair."

- You frowned lightly as a snort escaped you.

- "You don't like your hair?" You asked.

- "Well, everyone seems to have a very good opinion of my hair... except for me. Can't say it's my favourite part of me."

- "Why do you hate it? It's unique."

- "My father has an unique style of parenting, but it's not good, is it?"

- You pursed your lips at the thought of his father. You generally weren't the one to fully dislike someone or to say that you hated someone, but Endeavor was one of the exceptions. Outside his work as a hero, Endeavor was a horrible person, in your opinion. He failed spectacularly as a husband and even more as a father.

- “Your hair is not a toxic father.”

- “And neither is yours. Your hair isn’t that big of a fail. A little unsuccessful, yes, but terrible? No. You’re beautiful.’

Kirishima

-Kirishima couldn’t say your hairwas the most successful hairstyle out there, but he knew the struggles of hair insecurity, so he couldn’t help but feel empathy towards you.

-As it turned out, you two were living only two streets apart, so you had most of the way home together. You became buddies in no time and you’d chat all the way home with all kinds of topics that interested you. One particular afternoon, you opened up to him about your new hairstyle.

- “It’s okay, Y/N!” He exclaimed, “Your hair will grow back in no time and you’ll be able to redo your haistyle!”

-You smiled faintly. “Thanks. It’s gonna be quite a road until then. My family’s kinda rude to me about it as well.”

-Kirishima let out an empathetic laugh. “I had that as well when I changed my hairstyle. My mom was kinda supportive, but everyone else... nah. The thing is, don’t let other people’s opinions bring you down. You’ll get judged no matter what you do, so you should best just do what you really want to do and be yourself.”

-That was some solid advice. When you thought about it, it truly didn’t matter what people thought. Even if something you did turned bad, you had to try again and again until it succeded. Otherwise, you would remain with the sour feeling of misery that would do nothing but bad to you.

#bnha #bnha deku #izuku midoriya #todoroki shouto #todoroki #kirishima #bnha kirishima

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dragondez90 · 5 years

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so its the holiday season here at my restaurant. its busy, everybodys tired and pissy. Especially me. This is because i picked up 3 extra doubles this week! Which is fantastic! I like my job, i need the money. Im greatful that i can pick up hours to earn more of them dolla bills. However, today is day three of my doubles, and i will admit im pooped, and probably getting sick. As a direct result of this i, a normally very cheerful, fun, and prompt server, am currently a little forgetful and a very caffinated server. Im trying hard and many of my tables are very happy with me (which makes me happy!). But as always when you have 4+ tables some people are very unhappy. Specifically a lovely couple at one of my counter top tables, they are one of our other servers family. And ill admit i was less then attentive to them, i got their orders in correct gave them their drinks and bread. And honestly thats where it ended for my service, so many other members of staff were talking to them that i figured if they needed something else they would say. so, i focused more on my other tables. At some point i noticed they were finished so i went to take their plated and sure enough they werent very pleased with the fact that they didnt get another glass of wine. I apologized, and grabbed their plates. Then on eof the gentlemen decides to make a comment about the wine. Saying "your service would've been better if you just shut up." Which is fair (shitty service sucks yo) but it pissed me off. So i did the only rational thing which was to take their plates and personally buy their wine 22$ worth and give them their tab. And in my most polite server voice i said " have a wonderful afternoon i hope you come back on a day where im feeling less chatty."

Now i feel bad for mouthing off, but i was so angry i was shaking. Augh. Fml.

#fml

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geminijackdaw · 5 years

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Fanfic Author Asks

Tagged by @bereft-of-frogs!

I... have a really hard time being positive about my own writing, but I tried OTL

Author Name: I’m KiwiMeringue pretty much everywhere! I might change it to this one sometime? But I’ve changed it before and I don’t want to keep like, switching all the time OTL I should probably just have called it like KiwiWrites or something, but the thing about this username is I just thought it was cute and unintentionally led a bunch of people to assume I was from New Zealand which is patently false advertising and very disappointing when it turns out I’m Canadian xD;

Fandoms you Write for: I’ve got stories published for the MCU, and Naruto! Uhhh I’m blanking on things I’m famiiliar enough with to write for but there are a bunch? Critical role, the adventure zone, Good omens, netflix she-ra., maybe? Homestuck, but more @mr-alice and I’s fantrolls and kids, who still have a huge place in my heart, more than canon.

Where you post: I’m kiwimeringue on AO3 and FF.net, and then any like small prompt fills I’d probably leave here,

Most Popular One-shot: Hands down, it’s Therapy Dog. In which a young Hatake Kakashi deals with grief, survivor’s guilt, or PTSD by acquiring an irresponsible number of dogs. (Disclaimer: this does not work irl if you’re not a magic dog whisperer with a large property out of town)

Favourite Story You Wrote: This is as far as I got and this has been sitting in my drafts for days because I really, really struggle with this. I have a hard time being proud of anything I write. I guess it’s Therapy dog, becuase it’s definitely the one that’s resonated best with people, and probably my best example of “Look, I wrote a fanfic!” without having to qualify it with a bunch of asterisks.

I have given myself a self-imposed deadline of from October 1st to halloween to finish a prompt that I got from @portraitoftheoddity in her discord server, (it’s not SUPER spooky, but it’s tenuously thematically appropriate enough that I’m making it my project for the month xD) if I can pull this off, it will be this one. It should be fun.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: ALL OF THEM. Time I had some Time Alone (TIHSTA) is like a self-indulgent au of a self indulgent au, and I;m amazed anyone enjoyed it xD It got more of a response that Undying Fidelity (UF), the fic from which is is derived, did, for a while, which surprised me. I sort of what to qualify that I started this before I found the incredible corner of the MCU writer’s fandom that I currently frequent, so uh... this is very much Disney Grandmaster. This is Jeff Goldblum in space. Which is what I’m comfortable writing, but feels really pale and inconsequential in contrast to the horrifically vivid and rich dark carnival of twisted Grandmaster fan content that exists, like welcome to fucking weenie hut Jr’s, population: me.

How Do You Pick Your Titles: With great difficulty and much waffling! Kintsugi is named for thematic relevance that... I haven’t actually gotten to yet but it’s about to become stupid literal anyone who read version 1.0 knows how I mean this. But the idea of things history, and damage being inextricably linked to them, but that the thing can go on anyway, changed but not ruined, there’s recurring imagery and points of fault lines, places where things have been weakened, but that these are important and necessary.

I don’t feel like I have to explain Therapy Dog xD it’s about coping with grief... with dogs.

Undying Fidelity is like, painfully obvious, but it’s what I had started calling it, and it just. stuck. Obviously from Loki’s like... second last line in IW, and Sigyn’s title in the Marvel Comics. I’m kind of wishing I’d chosen something else, because there are definitely other fics with the same title, and it’s the name of a song from the IW soundtrack that is... less than fun. For obvious reason. I mean it’s perfect for what it was used for, but it’s not a “ahhh gonna pop this one on for a listen” kind of piece. I still can’t think of anything better, though we’re kind of in a weird place because I don’t quite have all the cards on the table, yet. On Loki’s end though,I’m hoping that I’ve sufficiently established this like... tenuous vestigial little flicker of affection that he’s been able to more or less ignore, but that simply would not go out, despite how much easier that would have been, that’s been given a little room to breathe now. (I could definitely go on trying to justify this for paragraphs, so I’ll stop now xD). Thematic chapter naming is another thing I love to inflict on myself and I always regret it, though I love it so much when other people do it, ahhh. UF’s chapters are all named after cards of the Major Arcana in the Tarot. I’m going to get to one eventually and you’re all going to see why I did this, and you’re all going to hate me and I deserve it xD

Time I Had Some Time Alone is the thing that’s repeated at the end of REM’s :”It’s the end of the world as we know it” and does sort of describe our reluctant hero’s state at the beginning xD Thriving in his completely self centered backstabbing Littlefinger party hellscape. (I went off on a huge tangent here that I have removed, I may make it its own post). Anyway, more thematic chapter naming, everything’s based on some apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic story. So 21 Days later (since for Loki it felt like three weeks) instead of 28, and chapter two is now titled “beyond thunderdome” because of course it is. (it was “the man come around” for like, THE ARRIVAL OF DEATH but that uh... that’s going to be a later chapter now).

Fic-in-planning stages will be called some variant of “Again, from the Top”? Take it from the top? ugh I’m trying to evoke like... redoing a scene.

There was also Errant, my NaNoWriMo story from like 2012 or something? xD It was about a bunch of idiots that were basically an RPG party in a shitty High fantasy bullshit setting. So like, as in, “a knight errant” wandering in search of adventure, but also in the sense of like like... they’re a bunch of dumbasses making mistakes.

Do you Outline: Yes! I definitely need to be more organized about it because my outlines are like these stupid irreverent event sequences that involve me remembering nuance way too well. Like for Kintsugi especially I’m scared I’ll have forgotten important minutia that I didn’t bother including becauyse oh pfft, of course I’ll remember that. And then I ...dont. My initial outlines for UF were an excel spreadsheet with scenes in various tiem periods that I dragged and dropped all over the place xD It was SUPPOSED to be thematically relevant paired scenes, with one part of each chapter being zset in the past and one half on the statesman and it just... did not work out that way.

How Many of Your Stories are complete: One! And it’s the one-shot! FML!

In-Progress: Undying Fidelity: Currently working on chapter 10 out of 22 TIHSTA: 2 out of... probably 4+ epilogue? Kintsugi: 13/Mayyybe like 30 something?

Coming Soon: From the Top is in its planning stages~!

Do You Accept Prompts: Absolutely! I can’t guarantee that a prompt is going to like... spark writing? in me? But I’m always open to the idea. And that doesn’t mean that an idea is bad or anything! Just like, can I, personally, take this idea and run with it somewhere.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: Probably from the top, though I am two chapters out from part of of UF I am reeeeeally looking forward to writing :D

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: I don’t know who’s been tagged already, I’m so bad at this, so uhh~ If you have been already, or if you just don’t feel like it, please disregard this! And if I don’t tag you but you feel like it, go for it! @teleris-night @malicemanaged @cosmicmewtwo @not-so-terrible and @ramblingredrose

#Ask memes #long post #Omg Ammy shut up #Ahh thank you so much!#Also thank you anon I needed that little nudge to get this done

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edgy-sim · 3 years

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15 March

fml

I hate my life but more than that i hate my mom. If there was an award for shitty mom of the year, I'm sure she'll get one. Not only has she emotionally damaged to such an extent, that i can't open up about my declining mental health to anyone except an online person, she has also been the cause of it. Its just fucking sad how incompetent she is, at everything she does. Being a mother is not something she's good at, and because of how retarded this society is, its been normalised to a great extent.

My dad and grandmother fucking died in the span of 1 week, relatives were here for 3 fucking months and they're still disappointed i didn't score as much as her. I'm so fucking done with this shit. They should be glad I didn't shoot myself in the head. This woman is so fucking frustrating, its not even funny. Immature, Impatient, insensitive, too sensitive, dumbfuck, arrogant and every other bad adjective in the dictionary. I'm not even exaggerating at this point. I hate being here, having to deal with her emotional tantrums.

I'm fucking 15, they've dumped all the responsibilities on my head while i get no credit for it. They make fun of everything about me. My ideas, my dreams, my aspirations even my ability to get sad.

I hate my body, but I can't stop eating. Every thing that gives me pleasure isn't working anymore. No one sees it. I leep laughing, making fun of me, laughing as other make fun of me. Its not that bad, he tries to listen but idk. I feel like its better if I distance myself. I'm addicted, wouldn't wanna waste time on something that has no chance of lasting anyways. He needs to focus on his stuff too. I keep venting everyday to him but i feel like i should stop burdening him with it.

She's just so fucking immature, like even a 6 year old would be better than her. My brother is being spoiled by her too. I guess I kinda do feel jealous but I still worry yk. Its not gonna be pretty when he's older and still weak in academics. Who knows. Sheesh yk he's so patient with me. like he hmms a lot but but its good because it feels like he's just there. I can't explain but its warm. Warm is rare. I don't feel safe in this house. I feel safer and more at home in his DMs than my own house. I guess that's kinda pathetic and sad but it is what it is. No one is here for me, no one gives a fuck.

My mom is just preoccupied with herself and honestly she's so weak and broken. Im fine with it.

I just wish i wasn't he older one and someone else could take the responsibility from me. I really miss my dad. I wish he was here to handle her. I hate being old. I wish I was a little girl without responsibilities. But I'm just a fat girl with a shit ton of stress and responsibilities. I guess they're trying their best, its not her fault she's retarded and overly emotional, she's trying her best as a mwntally 13yo girl.

He's very similar to you yk. Like more quiet maybe, but that might be cause he's not my dad and a bit awkward. You weren't awkward from what I remember. But he's like, centrist like you and fun like you. Mostly warm like you and I miss being warm. Its immature I know, it'll be in the past in a bit. But as long as it is, I'm grateful. I just wish I wasn't missing being warm and safe, but you're not here and the house is just not safe. No one to protect me when she loses it. I had an anxiety attack kinda thing. Maybe I was pretending, but it happened when she touched me. I hate feeling like this. I hope it gets better.

(⌐■-■)

#babbling #pls ignore this

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count-y0ur-calor1es · 3 years

Text

i hate mfp its so shitty👎👎 anyways today’s log🤞

12.03

breakfast: fruit salad - 105cals

lunch: rice w/ chickpeas: 350cals??

early dinner: (same as lunch) 500cals :/

snacks: 260cals

total: 1215cals

i mean it’s not a binge but i feel disgusting fml

update: yeah forget what i said i ate like 600 more cals💀 not very girlboss of me tbh

#tw ed account #just ed shit #low cal ed #tw eating things #tw ed related #ed dairy #i wanna kms

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gayregis · 5 years

Text

OK first episode reactions

OHHH that was THE KIKIMORE............... im glad we get to see the fight because i mean. i would want some money for doing that crazy shit too. also you noticed how he killed the deer because he was probably starving.

the moment of hesitation before he enters the tavern......... OK... [jaskier or yennefer voice] dont you just wanna stroke his gross dirty white hair

wait the uhhhh... “tavern scene” occurs in the witcher right, so i dont have to be scared bc this is the lesser evil, right, right, maybe not, idk what theyre switching around

the fucking cease of noise as geralt walks in.... the MOOD

cavill is like way too fine to be playing geralt rn i mean this shot where he says point me to the aldermans house is really showing off his profile. i feel sympathetic for this pretty pretty man

oh im regretting not rereading the lesser evil right now. i cant remember WHAT the fuck happens in that story. he goes to stregobor first though right??? right? he meets with the alderman and the dude’s like nah you cant get shit for that kikimore head, but maybe this wizard will give ya smth

my lesbianisms thinking renfri is pretty VS my morality knowing what shes like VS my witcher fan knowing what the hell happens in this story.... fight

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE RENFRI SO PRETTY!!!!!!! shes SO pretty and cute..... yall are making me like her fuck you fuck you SO hard.

the voice acting is sending me kind of... this is actually a good geralt voice imo if you dont mind me saying that. i still prefer polish tw3 dub but this is actually better than fuckin delvin mallory in the audiobooks. no disrespect, peter kenny, you did dandelion and yennefer and the hansa well, but geralt..... hm....

okay jk actually i need more geralt lines in order to develop my thoughts on his voice. ill wait until edge of the world where he SHOULD be more talkative

are we really going to stregobor’s fucking tower where a naked woman illusion waits on him and he offers to give geralt a go at this basically fuck doll illusion

“where are you from, geralt?” “rivia.” SURE.... YOU LIAR...... liar .... just WAIT until baptism of fire oooohhh just you wait

also this girl marilka is so sweet, also makes me think because milva said she was called that by some. but thats why she changed her name to milva

“because girls cant be witchers right” OK you reminded me 50% of ciri but now youre literally just proto-ciri

oh.... no foolery with the magic door knocker?

YEP I WAS RIGHT WE GOT NAKED LADIES!

wow this exactly what i pictured the inside of stregobor’s tower to be like lmaooo

WHY DOESNT GERALT KNOW STREGOBOR???????

oh its so weird to see ciri like. like old at cintra you know what im saying . like im like wait wait how is she alive if geralt hasnt been there as ravix yet. not BAD just weird for me

“speak normally” this reminds me of in bounds of reason dandelions like should i give the account in verse or in prose and then he starts speaking with the most flowery prose and geralts like PROSE prose please

“if you had been alive during falkas rebellion” please dont mention falka already we’re moving too fast soon enough leo fucking bonhart will be at our heels!

“and she possesses the power to destroy us all” “i dont believe anyone has that power.” WAIT UNTIL YOU MEET YOUR DAUGHTER DUDE LOL

wow he’s really full body dressed in black leather. huh . and people say hes heterosexual fml

okay i thought them calling the girls “girl” was kinda tender in the series but now its even more tender when heard aloud.

eist is like really present here and i like him enough its just that calanthe was like way more important than him in the series though right

“it needs to rhyme” and “pretty ballads hide bastard truths” so are we really just stealing every clever word that jaskier can say before he even comes into it

LOL CIRI LESBIAN LIKE WE DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO GET TO ANY OF THE OTHER BOOKS..... she said BEGONE HET!

OH I LOVE HOW THEY CONTEXTUALIZE IT SO WE KNOW THIS SHIT IS TAKING PLACE IN THE PAST..... WOW GERALT IS OLD AS HELL LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO calanthe was like 14 then right so LOLLLL GERALTS OLD AND TIRED lol

me: is a regis fan / also me: GERALT IS A SHITTY OLD BITCH LMAOO

uh oh spaghettios! its nilfgaard and one of their fun funky officers, son of ceallach! i havent seen him yet but im terrified anyways!

okay see this is how you do a PROPER adaptation. calanthe in the books committed suicide so she wouldnt be r*ped right as she sat in a stupid castle but this calanthe is on the fucking battlefield. this is why we stan middle aged women

eist: [dies] me: AAAAAA cahir: [is there Waiting] (i think its him maybe) me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ah fuck ah fuck fuck

ciri: why [is nilfgaard attacking] ? calanthe knowing DAMN WELL stupid fucking duny is her dad: uhHHhhHhH idk lol

“you will rule this land someday” nope again! [thinks about lady of the lake] nope and nope!

ciri’s “are you dying?” to calanthe on her deathbed is the new “was he human” yennefer asking if regis (as a giant fucking bat) was human

i love how looongggg these episodes areee omgg

but also i always thought of the fall of cintra as something you know like. it happened in two shakes, cahir kinda just took ciri up by her underarms (like longcat) and left

OHHHH THEY IMPROVED THIS SCENE SO MUCH I WAS HOPING WE’D GET THIS OMG OMG BUT INSTEAD OF TELLING SOME YOUNG GIRL WHICH HAD WEIRD KINDA GROSS CHEMISTRY WITH HIM ROAVCH GETS TO HEAR IT!!! THIS IS HOW YOU DO AN ADAPTATION YAYY

renfri: who were you talking to? geralt: .. my horse.......... all of the fans: [dialing 1-800-TROUBADOUR immediately]

ugh i really thought they were gonna adapt the sex between renfri and geralt out. ugh ugh . too much heterosexuality

WHOA. HOLD THE FUCK UP. HOLD> HE FUCK UP. CALANTHE ADVISED CIRI TO TAKE MERCY. THATS LITERALLY FORESHADOWING FOR WHEN SHE CHOOSES NOT TO SLAY CAHIR AT THANEDD. WOW. WHAT THE FUCK WOW. WOW’

ciri you are gonna regret stalling so hard when mr. ceallach marches in. just saying. RUN.

CAHIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRR I ALMOST SCREAMED AND TORE MY STITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uh.... ok...................... hm not what happened in the books.... where ciri is shot off in the midst of battle and crawls up next to a dead man and acts dead ........ lol cahir is even more evil now how is this possible i didnt think he could get MORE evil

[cahir voice] he deflected the arrow with his sword! ive never seen anything like it!

also have i said already that the cinematography is amazing. like the room where calanthe was on her deathbed.... that renfri dream was pretty cool too... just a lot of things are very pleasing to the eye

due to a injury in the carotid artery blood would be gushing everywhere. also is she prophecizing ciri? stop this there are already so many women in the witcher universe that give prophecy. theres like the girl in baptism of fire, ciri, everyone in ciri’s bloodline, and now renfri?

LOOOOLLLL THE HORSE

cahir: nice, GG guys, im gonna go get that cool promotion now, this will be epic, my mom will be SO proud of me-- ciri: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA cahir: OH FUUUUCKKK

well that’s MUCH MORE of a report to file with your superior officers! “yeah so the girl fucking opened up a hole in the earth” instead of “ahh idk i fell asleep and when i woke up she wasnt there :/” .... cahir really is not getting that promotion now, huh

okay yall can say whatever you want about cavill as geralt but when he said “do not touch her” and moved his mouth like that? oh geraltisms.

this is a really nice episode i like how it just went into the action i wasnt convinced at first but ah this is quite nice. i like how it has JUST geralt and ciri in it and later yennefer will come in as her mom. renfri prophecizing was actually pretty ok, at first i thought i wouldnt like the change, but it makes it easier to digest for television. i like how they really emphasize that geralt is hated to all hell, and that ciri is powerful yet still babie. this is a good portrayal of both of them in these stages of their lives you know what im saying. also is cahir gonna chase ciri now for those Good Boy Black Rider points? bc there were shots of him in a forest. ah well whatever lets move to the next episode

#twn spoilers #thats what im tagging as yall #maj watches twn

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chickenfetus · 7 years

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all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse?? i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

#if anybody read through all 100.. thank u and have a good day!!!#softshouyous #asks

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roxiera · 8 years

Text

of weddings and confessions // newt scamander

request: you being like late 20s and your parents wanted you to get married soon, so they arranged a marriage with the Scamander family, to Theseus. (Okay so at this point in time Newt is like your bestie but you have this extremely huge crush on him and you’re also pretty close to Theseus [obviously closer to Newt]) and so Theseus knows also about you and Newt’s mutual crushes and he secretly plots to get both of yall married instead (?) or, alternatively: Newt crashes yours and Theseus’ wedding and confesses? (by @embracingtheinnerweaboo )

a/n: THE TAGGING ISNT WORKING OMF WHY KEWRGBKEBGTBG also ! we received a similar request a few days before this so we’re just going to assume that it was from you as well BAHAHHAHA but if it isn’t and the anon wants another imagine then send us another message to let us know !!

You had always known that this day would come.

You should have gotten married years ago - you were the only one left among your friends that didn’t carry a ring on that finger, but you weren’t going to remain single much longer.

But why Theseus?

(a/n: his name cracks me up everytime it sounds like thesis and honestly im so done with school)

Theseus was wonderful, for sure, but he wasn’t him. The older Scamander brother was every woman’s dream - tall with broad shoulders and strong arms and a heart of a Gryffindor and a war hero, no less - but he wasn’t what you wanted.

Your heart lay with the youngest Scamander son - the one with the yellow-and-black scarf and adorable freckles that looked like the stars had found their way onto his face and a heart purer than gold - and now you were getting married to his brother.

You didn’t know if Newt had found out yet and you didn’t want to tell him because he would start giving you the cold shoulder and pushing you away and you didn’t want to lose him.

You couldn’t lose him.

Newt found himself in his room, shards of glass and porcelain sharp and glinting from their places on his carpeted floor, his desk bare of the mess of crumpled documents and worn books and broken quills that had previously been swept to the ground in a fit of rage.

Why you?

Theseus was the family’s pride and joy - his parents could have chosen any woman they wanted and they just had to choose you.

You were beautiful and your smile could make any man weak at the knees and you were one of the best people he had ever met and you were too good for Theseus.

You were too good for anyone.

You had been the only person in a long time who made Newt feel like he was someone special, and of course, Theseus - perfect, golden-boy Theseus - had to swoop in and take away one of the best things that had ever happened to Newt.

Newt knew that this wasn’t his brother’s fault - or anyone’s for that matter - but he wanted you and he needed you and he needed someone to blame, for Merlin’s sake.

The both of you had been the best of friends for over nearly a decade and he couldn’t imagine being as close to someone as he had been to you; he didn’t want to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

(a/n: my attempt at angst is failing why am i doing this during english lel)

Theseus knew.

Not that it had been very difficult to realise, considering both Newt and (y/n) were absolutely terrible at hiding their hilariously obvious feelings for each other.

He liked (y/n), sure, but you had always been like a little sister to him, and Newt’s heated glares and sour mood when both of you hung out told him enough.

Theseus would never want Newt to hate him; he didn’t want to live the rest of his life knowing that he had taken away his brother’s best friend - most likely something more - and that he had married someone who didn’t love him at all.

Theseus lay in bed, unable to fall asleep as unrelentingly loud thoughts buzzed incessantly throughout his alert mind, blinking at the darkness thoughtfully.

Perhaps he could do something about this.

You found yourself knocking on the Scamanders’ door early next morning, desperately wanting to see Newt. Mrs Scamander had eagerly welcomed you in, promptly shoving you up the stairs in the direction of Theseus’ bedroom.

“Enjoy, darling! Just go straight in - I’m sure Theseus is already awake.”

You winced slightly at the loud volume so early in the morning. Hesitating slightly, you found yourself striding toward Newt’s door the instant the sound of footsteps faded away, your knuckles rapping lightly on the dark mahogany as your breath hitched in your throat, heart twisting uncomfortably.

hehatesmethiswasaterribleideahehatesmehehatesmehehates-

“(y/n)?”

You stared at Newt’s sleepy figure tersely, mind blank as your throat tightened with suppressed sobs. Your limbs felt disconnected and horribly foreign as your rushed into Newt’s room, pulling said man along with you, the door closing with a soft click.

“I can’t do it, Newt.”

You buried your head in your hands, fingers weaving through tangled hair, tugging at your own scalp painfully as tears left your eyes, your cheeks wet and sticky as your shut your eyes tightly.

“I can’t marry Theseus. I can’t, Newt. It’s you I want to marry and I can’t do anything about it and everything’s just wrong.”

Your disorientated flood of words disappeared into ugly sobs as you registered Newt’s firm, lean arms wrapping themselves around you, pulling you close as you buried your face in his chest, your fingers digging into his back as you cried, your emotions, having been pent up and suppressed for the past two weeks, having finally beaten you.

(a/n: kwbjrb this is so fucking crap im sorry)

“It’s going to be alright, (y/n). I’ll talk to my parents and your parents and we’re going to sort this out and I promise you that I will marry you and we don’t have to care about what anyone thinks-”

“Nice to see to hear how much you care about me, Newt.”

You jumped slightly at the sudden interruption, blood roaring in your ears as Newt tightened his grip around you, pulling you closer to him, clenching his jaw as he glared at the unwelcome intruder.

Theseus.

“What the bloody hell are you doing in my room?” Newt snapped, scowling slightly as his brother, who had a terribly obnoxious shite-eating grin on his face.

(a/n: do british people say shite or am i just retarded lel)

“I think the real question is, brother, why my fiancée is in your room instead of mine, in a very interesting position.”

(a/n: lmao ppl getting all salty over hugs are so funny like broo calm dOwn)

You gripped Newt’s forearm tightly, tugging him back lightly, not wanting a fight to erupt among the two brothers, which would eventually lead to a rift between the two families.

You looked pleadingly at the older Scamander sibling, desperation evident on your face as you felt Newt tense even more through his thin shirt.

“I’ll speak to Mum and Dad. You two’ll get your wedding,” Theseus announced, smirking slightly. You tried to suppress the hope blossoming in your chest, but you could already feel your worry dissipating, your lips beginning to angle upward slightly at what Theseus had just announced.

You glanced at Newt with bright eyes, who now looked slightly less upset, scowl softening considerably as he glanced at you, both of you thinking the same thing - that perhaps everything would work out and you and Newt could be together.

“But honestly, you two have to let those Billywigs out during the wedding.”

a/n: disgusting and shitty aka me and theseus so extra like me its vv lowkey funny !! its 1am and i have tuition tmrw fml ok rest well everyone :-)

- roxanna

MASTERLIST | SEND IN YOUR REQUEST !!

@lazycasserole

#newt scamander #newt scamander imagine #newt scamander x reader #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts imagine #fantastic beasts and where to find them imagine #fbwtft #fbawtft #fantastic beasts and where to find them x reader #fantastic beasts x reader #hp #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #Newton Scamander #roxiera writes

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patchdotexe · 7 years

Note

do uh, nonfatal explosion, or sprigs

OH MAN…. OKAY…. for reference:

nonfatal explosion = Yuta Asahina from Danganronpa: Another Episode / Ultra Despair Girls, au where i survived the bracelet but down an arm and probably other injuries but the arm is the most notable bECAUSE ITS AN ENTIRE ARM

sprigs = Patrick Sprigs aka Gemini Spark White from Megaman Starforce, mostly canon-compliant but a lot of my memories are from years after the game– i left the echo ridge area to get therapy after the sheer fuckery that was SF1 and me attempting to destroy the world and returned around the time of SF3. i ALSO REALLY HATE ARTHUR “ACE” EOS OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS I JUST REALLY DONT LIKE HIM :V

1. what was your kin/id’s favourite food?

yuta: anything sweet? or like Anything honestly just. someone stop this gremlin boy

sprigs: i have a specific memory involving neapolitan ice cream sandwich bars that was actually very positive so, that i guess :V

2. name something your kin/id studied!

yuta: i actually dont remember a lot of being pre-despair and i yelled DUMPSTER BOY DOES NOTHING internally so. RIP,

sprigs: psychology! as a hobby, kind of. lots of figuring out what was going on in their mess of a life.

3. a favourite canon area?

yuta: i visited hope’s peak once and it was awesome, everyone was Super Cool and sonia nevermind gave me a spheal named Balbatross

sprigs: i mean obv theres the dream island park, but i also liked wandering around … OH WOW DID I REALLY FORGET THE NAME? [googles] AMAKEN!!! i liked visiting AMAKEN with geo cause he was a Space Nerd and i was also a lowkey space nerd (not as much as i am now lmfao)

4. element associated with your kin/id?

yuta: water? KIND OF IRONIC BUT (my near-death experience / canon death involves trying to swim out of the city of Fuck and exploding bc of the bracelet)

sprigs: lightning! electricity in general tbh. pzap.

5. who have you met from your canon?

yuta: i knew a Whole Lot Of People but they were. really toxic. fml. BUT I KNOW KORA! AND RU!! IN YOUR SYSTEM!!! KORA SCARED ME ONE TIME IN A 7/11

sprigs: IVE ONLY MET ONE OTHER SFKIN i havent talked to them in ages despite being in a discord server with them? theyre like the sweetest geo ever (and i hope i didnt creep them out by my constant whining when i had a sideblog for this ID lmao)

6. things in every day life that remind you of your canon?

yuta: hmmmm not a lot? like specific songs do i guess :0 and sometimes im like I WANT 2 JOG but i dont have the stamina but if im in a strong yuta shift ill be vibrating 24/7 bc i was so physically active in that life

sprigs: ngl sometimes system stuff does? cause. i was a system. a very shitty system but. :V sometimes bickering w/ mae or ink reminds me of talking to rey and i go “aw” for a bit.

7. favourite scents from your canon?

what i tried to say: i dont associate via scent very well

what i almost said: I DONT HAVE A NOSE

8. what weather did your kin/id like the most?

yuta: SUN,,,, lies facedown on the ground and just. photosynthesizes. (towa city was always clouded over and Sinister, i hated it, legit all my memories of towa are just “dark and sad”)

sprigs: mild rainshowers were nice :>

9. what talents/ skills did you have as your kin/id?

yuta: I WANT YUTA TO RUN!!! i think i decided that if i went to hope’s peak i would’ve been SHSL Track Star or something like that. i could also swim which is something i cant do at front :V (edit from after question 12: ALSO CAN WE APPRECIATE THE SELF-GIVEN TITLE OF “SHSL NONFATAL EXPLOSION”)

sprigs: i think i did some sort of fabric crafts thing? not like, knitting, uhhh. SEWING thats the word. i also gardened. shoves my entire arms into the dirt. this is my home

10. do you like how the fandom portrays your kin/id?

yuta: does the fandom even acknowledge me? i think fandom thinks im a Dumb Idiot and honestly, true though,

sprigs: GOD DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED, NO,

11. what would you have done differently in your canon?

yuta: i mean, not exploding would’ve been nice? asides from that, i wish i’d stayed with komaru more. she had no idea i was alive for a pretty long time and that must’ve sucked. heck.

sprigs: I MEAN , NOT TRY TO DESTROY THE WORLD , also fucking, tell geo what the hell was wrong with me , but it was kind of a hard position to be in? bc rey was literally a trauma split from horrific childhood abuse (moreso than was revealed canonically, for me) and i was just a middleschooler. also staying in contact with geo while overseas (the bonus boss in sf2 isnt canon for me) because from his perspective i just dropped off the map bc i was too ashamed to talk to him. ALSO HEY @ SELF DONT FUCKING DESTROY GEO’S TRUST IN EVERYONE, MAYBE,

12. what outfit did you like best in your canon?

yuta: i love my hoodie!! but it got Fucking Wrecked for obvious reasons augh. theres art of Nonfatal Explosion Yuta w/ a NGE shirt that i vaguely remember owning haha

sprigs: my canon outfit |D i was very upset when i outgrew it so i kept trying to find clothes similar to it

13. in a modern setting, what would you as your kin/id wear?

yuta: was near-modern so p much same

sprigs: fashion sense in 22XX makes no sense but like. big ol sweaters. armwarmers. comfy

14. did you have a favourite memory of your canon?

yuta: visiting hope’s peak is the most vivid bc i got to meet all my friends? heck? and i vaguely remember reuniting with komaru and it was great. there were hugs.

sprigs: pretty much any time i was Actually Talking To Geo In A Healthy Way lmfao what the fuck was Up with me

15. name a favourite person in your canon!

yuta: komaru!! she was my bff actually. and my sister, aoi

sprigs: IF YOU CANT GUESS “GEO STELAR” BY NOW THEN IM NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

16. did you like life in your canon?

yuta: pre-apocalypse? yeah :0 post-apocalypse? NOT REALLY,,, but i did at least feel like i was Doing Something? fighting despair!! but like it was 100% awful, actually, but at the time i was trying to Not Think About It bc otherwise id like. fall down and not get back up. oops.

sprigs: noT REALLY,,, like even looking back on it i kep being like. i was such a wreck. literally everything possible went wrong in patrick sprigs’s life. even Good Periods had bad shit happen, like i got outed to everybody by ace? which is like half of why i hate him? it was immensely awful augh

#stellar genome;#long post /#VERY LONG SRY #willyzepp #leos reply #leo chirps

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cuddlingpasta · 7 years

Text

13 Reasons OH GOD WHY WAS THIS MADE

FUUUUCKING LORD. So many trigger warnings guys especially w sexual assault and mental health issues.

I can’t begin to talk about this without starting angry because holy shit theres so much wrong. I was initially sent this by someone who thought I’d appreciate the fact it was a bit bad so I’m gonna start with the good things about it as they’re limited.

Premise: It’s okay, the premise is fine, its a little bit I dont know forced and pretentious and even a little insensitive but frankly its not that bad so I’m putting this in the good category.

General message/moral: Dont be a shitty person. Treat people nicely and dont talk about them behind their back. It also has a subtext about how rape is viewed by people when deciding whether they were raped or not and frankly like the rape issues are a whole separate thing but this subtext is actually fine imo (pls someone tell me if I’m wrong). They hint very strongly at the fact that people only see rape as what it is if the victim says no, if they were sober etc. The show hints at the idea that its more complicated than that which is good.

Technical: The camera work is okay, like its industry standard cant complain. I’m a filmmaker like I get this, this is about it though everything else in technical has problems.

Diversity: You tried and I’ll give you it, various POC characters often not with stereotypes which has pros and cons to, gay and lesbian representation, not very good rep of the LG characters given but not the worst but i’ll go into that.

OKAY THATS IT THATS ALL I CAN SAY ONTO THE BAD

Technical: FUCKIN SOUND HOLY SHIT. PLEASE. Atmosphere is so goddamn important and it was crazy noticeable to me at least that atmosphere had super hard cuts at times. I’m being pedantic. This legit doesnt matter in the grand scheme but that’s why I’m putting it at the beginning of the bad.

Writing: Did a 40 year old spend a week on the internet and try write this? In the second episode they say FML. No one says the fucking acronym holy shit. Also just how the kids talk its like aight sure some kids could talk like that but generally nah. Also the insensitivity of the #NeverForget scene right at the start like maybe sometimes happens but its so jarring in this scene because you can tell its just a throwaway thing to go “fuck millennials” and its like please just stop this broken record.

On Pretentiousness: I’m super pretentious okay, like tapes, records, etc like sign me the fuck up but this goes back to the millennials suck sentiment where Hannah uses tapes and physical maps because “google cant help you with this” or whatever like??? fuck man stop its so awfully written and its fake as hell. I get the reasonings sort of, but, at the same time those reasons are so tenuous to the plot and easily gotten around. The whole thing is trying really hard to be Perks of Being a Wallflower and fucking bombing hard.

On sexuality: You deal with it...sort of? You have various gay characters one of whom’s entire subplot is based around the fact. Another who feels like he plays into this whole straight idea of what gay people are like and uses good old ‘faggot’ in it because “I can use it, you can’t” and its just sort of like ehhh its all so forced. Then Tony coming out is actually....not the worst, its hinted at a couple times and Clay’s complete misinterpretation of it is hilarious to me bc its accurate representation of straight people. However I feel like they made Tony gay PURELY so he could have this whole “Oh I wouldnt want to bang hannah anyway” thing going like??? Please dont do this guys his sexuality is worth more than to aid the story of a (bi? is it ever explored or is Hannah just a straight girl who got w a girl once?) white girl.

On sexual assault: I’ve never been sexually assaulted, I’m not an expert on the topic, I fight for what I can when it comes to these issues but I wont pretend I am an expert. From a filmmaking point of view the rape scenes were...almost too graphic, generally they should make you feel uncomfortable, its not a comfortable situation or one you want to watch, but this felt almost too much. While its good to talk about these issues I feel they went about it in not the best way. I dont want to say more on this because it was fucking harrowing having to watch that, which christ its a harrowing event but i dont know if that is too much or not, I can’t say.

Onto Mental Health: This is where it gets more complicated and frankly I can barely put into words how I feel about it. The whole premise becomes vindictive in a way which sure goes with the morals to an extent but whatever like they almost turn hannah into a villain in a way instead of her being treated as a victim. It all happened very quickly, I mean the events on the tapes were over what a year total? but the decision to commit suicide was like two days and from a personal standpoint and from what I know of friend’s feelings and experiences with mental health, this just isnt the way it happens. Frankly I dont even want to talk about this anymore, the whole thing treats mental health as a thing caused by events rather than chemical imbalance and while traumatic events certainly fuck you up it never treats it as that until the very last two episodes and then its all over. The suicide scene. Oh god the suicide scene. Fucking. Horrible. There was absolutely no need. It was too brutal. I understand from a nuerotypical filmmaker point of view why this is good. But from a mentally ill filmmaker, no. This was so unnecessarily brutal, close up, and needless. If anything this could do more harm than good. I dont think I want anyone to watch this show for all the reasons above but mostly because of the suicide scene because I know how it made me feel and its not that great i’ll tell you.

This show sucked ass but has a good hook and honestly I’m pissed that to an extent I enjoyed it.

#tw #13 reasons why

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creylune · 8 years

Text

uhhh sort of latter half of 2016 recap and update i suppose (kinda negative)

i haven’t really drawn properly (not even sketching or doodling) in about two weeks since after coming back from taiwan i’ve just been really pooped and drained and finding it very difficult to get out of bed or stop playing video games. i’d start thinking about the future while lying in bed and start sobbing uncontrollably bc then my mind would wander to thoughts of coming out to my parents or never getting married and disappointing them. i managed to stop gaming for 75% of my waking hours a few days ago which is at least progress (mostly because i realized i have to go back to school in less than a week and i wasted a week in my room gaming instead of meeting up with high school/local friends).

first quarter of college wasn’t all that stellar and i definitely spent a fair amount of time every other week sobbing or crying for no specific reason other than feeling lonely/wanting a hug/feeling shitty in general. i don’t mesh well with too many people so i actually didn’t talk to anyone other than a barista and cashier on the second to last day of finals (i pulled an all nighter in the library...i completely lost my appetite for over 24 hours and had to force myself to get up and eat lunch at 3-4pm). first quarter was just bad lol (it had its positives but i was more sad than happy)

i hope with 2017 comes more opportunities that i won’t pull away from, baby steps to getting back the confidence i had in high school, and an improvement in sleep schedule bc it actually got worse in college for no good reason LOL. i’ve also been mulling it over the past 3 months and i’m pretty certain i have mild-moderate depression, so i’m aiming to make an appointment at the university health center to get some...peace of mind, i guess? i can’t find the right phrase rn but i think getting a diagnosis would be helpful for me. not sure if i’m in need of meds because the depressive states usually hit hard during breaks or when weather is cold/gloomy (ironically i love cold/gloomy weather) and most of the time i’m not miserable. school just really worsens it.

i have two overdue secret santas i have to finish... it’s been really hard to focus and motivate myself to get productive even though i want to be productive. each day just passes by and then i find myself sitting at my desk or lying in bed and it’s 2am and i’m like ‘oh... it’s too late now i’ll wake up early and try again tomorrow’ and then i get up at 11:30am and can’t bring myself to get out of bed until 1pm or if my dad starts screaming at me. then we go out to practice driving/do some errand and then i just lie around in my room from 4pm-11pm or later...it’s been like this for the past couple of days...

my time in taiwan was really nice and fun though!! it’s just that. when i came home i lost all my energy and excitement about anything fml

#pufftext #long thoughts and feelings dump...talks abt mental health

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crazycreativescheerleadingcamp · 7 years

Text

The Cheese Grates It: FML

Image Source:

wallpaperfo.com

The Cheese Grates It:

FML

content warning:

suicide ideation

I honestly hate writing about myself, which is why I deviated from a recent prompt and made it an alternate reality of a character instead. However, at the moment I feel the need to share a few things about me and why I continue writing even though I long ago took the dream of becoming a renowned author out in the back alley and shot it.

I recently received criticism of my work being merely a conversation between two talking heads. Well, I guess that's what it is. Often when I'm doing my writing, I've finished working a shift delivering food in rush-hour traffic to nickel-and-diming customers who think that fifty cents is an appropriate tip. Hint: fifty cents was a crap tip back in 1986, when I was delivering pizzas. All told, I average about ten dollars an hour.

My financial situation is precarious. I need to set aside $1000 to get the water pump in the car I prefer to make deliveries in fixed. The whole time I'm driving I'm hoping that something doesn't happen to my personal car.

I know the conventional wisdom is "just get another job," but that isn't as simple as it sounds. This is literally about the only work I can do at this point.

My physical situation is far from good. I used to be able to work physically demanding jobs, but my diabetes has deteriorated to the point where I have problematic activity intolerance. When standing for long periods of time, I tend to become weak, dizzy, and confused.

"Aha, clerical work!" many of you will say.

Sadly, not so much. My brain is stupid, and when I work the kinds of hours where clerical work tends to be done, I become depressed to the point of non-functional. I've tried to do this numerous times in my rather long life, and the result has always been the same. Clearly, I was not made for life on this planet.

A year ago, I lost a reasonably well-paying job where I was making approximately $40,000 a year. I was working as a homecare nurse. My diabetes was getting worse and I was very sick with a severe respiratory infection. The company reasoned that I could continue working because the patient I was working with was the one I'd contracted the infection from, therefore, they believed, I couldn't re-infect him.

I was fired from that job because I fell asleep during my shift. This was not a light drowse where one wakes when one's chin contacts their chest. This was a deep, dark, dreamless, sleep-of-the-dead kind of sleep. There is a pretty good likelihood that I had a TIA at that point. I don't remember falling asleep, but I was asleep for about 20 minutes. I woke to see the patient's father sitting on the patient's bed, glaring at me. I didn't hear him come downstairs or into the room. I left and was fired the next day.

I worked briefly for another homecare agency with a patient I'd worked with previously. This patient ended up in the hospital and never came out. The agency never found me another case. At that point, I tried working as a rideshare driver. An idiot stoner kid backed into the rental car I was using. Lyft took so long to resolve the claim that I wasn't able to drive for a month. The rental car agency never reimbursed me for the unused week on the vehicle. I was out $1000.

I tried going back into long-term care, but found myself physically unable to keep up with the demands of the job. I became weak and confused when my blood sugar dropped and I was unable to take a break. Long-term care does not tend to allow for breaks for its employees.

I then tried working for yet another homecare agency and discovered that I could no longer handle the physically demanding part of the job.

I worked delivering groceries for a while and ended up with a permanent injury to the median nerve in my left arm. This service promised delivery within the hour. Instead, I would often be greeted by an angry customer demanding to know why their order was three hours late. Customer service never contacted them. They let the driver deal with the unhappy customer. I had severe calf cramps because of having to climb stairs multiple times during the shift. The injury to my arm came about because of having to carry heavy loads throughout the shift. There is now permanent numbness in my left hand. At least I no longer endure agonizing pain in my left upper arm, which I did for about a month.

My anxiety levels are through the roof. I browbeat myself into going to work. Most days I wish I'd just die. Conversely, I have night terrors where I wake up with my heart pounding, thinking "please don't let me die like this."

Antidepressants, the darlings of the psych industry, don't work on me. They make me manic and psychotic. Benzodiazepenes, another darling of the psych industry, have a paradoxical effect. They tend to make my heart race and to cause panic attacks. The exceptions are Xanax, which has a heavy sedative effect and then makes me suicidal, and Valium, which makes me stupid. I mean really stupid, like two plus two equals three or something stupid.

To counter my raging insomnia, I take a low dose of thc plus cbd. It works better than Valium (see thick as a brick stupid) and better than drugs such as Ambien and Lunesta, which cause me to sleepwalk and do things like pee on my car tire at 3 AM. I was given a medical marijuana card for the horrifying pain in my arm and to help with my glaucoma. What I use is actually recreational edibles and tea, which has a lesser potency than medical grade marijuana. It doesn't get me high. It acts as a mild sedative and has none of the crap side effects of pharmaceutical medications. However, there are certain jobs I can't even think of applying for at this point because of my use of a very low dose of thc for a medical problem. They'd be fine with it if I were fucking my head with Ambien, which makes me do weird shit and wake up tired, but a tiny amount of THC makes me a non-functional hop-head, apparently.

This was my response to the person who decried my writing as being merely a conversation between a pair of talking heads:

I take it from your other criticisms that "quite interesting" means "I hate it." That's cool and all. The words weren't randomly bolded. It was to keep up with the Wordle prompt, to remember that we had used the words. Honestly, I'm kind of brain damaged and stupid. I work at a menial job earning about minimum wage. I write when I can if for no other reason than to keep some aspect of what I believe myself to truly be alive. With a little help from my friends I am able to do this. Maybe I'm fated to just be a giant talking head, much like the Face of Boe in Dr. Who. Sorry my work didn't meet your exacting standards. I probably won't participate in this particular prompt again. Really, the only reason I do is as an exercise in constraining my word count because I tend to be overly verbose in my so-called writing.

Note: the bolded words were my bad. I forgot that most people on the Weekend Writing Warriors prompt would not also be using the Wordle prompt.

Honestly, the shitty writing would also be my bad. Gem and Tempest aren't to blame. They were only trying to support me.

The truth is, I feel like killing myself most of the time and already would have if it weren't for the fact that my son seems to still need my help. Here are some things I don't need to hear regarding that statement:

"Go to the emergency room."

If I went to the emergency room every time I experienced suicide ideation, I'd have to live there.

"Get counseling."

It doesn't work. I could probably benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy, but county mental health doesn't tend to provide that. County mental health gives you counselors who frustrate you to no end because they are used to dealing with people who have severe psychosis. I only have psychosis when I take antidepressants or prescription pain medications. County mental health counselors are no help to people who see the reality around them all too clearly and know there's nothing they can do to extract themselves from the steaming pile of suck that is reality. So, they write stories involving talking heads because it soothes them for a moment to do so.

"Get on medication."

See "that shit makes me manic and psychotic." Except for Prozac, which left me emotionally flatlined, staring at my arm, and thinking to myself "maybe I should cut my arm to see if I can still feel anything." This wasn't the normal, self-loathing drive to self-injure that I've dealt with all my life. This was a case of wondering if I could still feel anything at all.

Sorry, folks. Pat answers don't work on me. I'm special like that.

Actually, I'm not particularly special. There are a lot of people that the pat answers don't work for.

I have a lot of thoughts about how society could improve to make sure everyone has a decent quality of life. One of them involves not treating the working class like shit. Most people in the working class aren't "less intelligent" or even less educated than people in white collar jobs, and, even if they were, why should they be treated like shit?

We need universal health care so people like me can stop playing the shitty balancing game of having to keep my earnings under $800 a month so I don't lose Medicaid.

We need a universal stipend. The idea that people would stop working if they were receiving a stipend is erroneous. Most people want to work in some capacity.

In any case, I probably won't officially participate in the Weekend Writing Warriors prompt again. It seems to be a place that isn't for people like me: people for whom writing is a survival tool.

And now, I guess I'll get ready to get out there and get nickel-and-dimed to death once again. Perhaps there will be more from the talking heads who are my characters later. Color yourself oh so lucky.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

#trigger warning suicide ideation #cie's personal crap #creative and mentally ill #work #everyone's a critic

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travellingthoughts · 7 years

Text

Friday the 7th of July 2017

After 4 days in Zakynthos/Kefalonia I was on a journey and a half to Larissa. Literally travelled by boat, car, taxi and bus over an 11 hour journey. I loved it though because I could just relax after being so busy in Zakynthos. Anyone who knows me well knows that I literally sleep my life away! I can sleep at what ever time, in whatever position and literally be out cold. It certainly has come in handy on this trip I'll tell you that much! So I slept the entire journey no problems asked. In Larissa, I was staying with Jamie's Nouna, Dina, for the week! Larissa is a relatively large town north of Athens. It has it all; amazing shopping, lively night life, and most importantly lovely people. I have a LOT of family there like legit we sat down to have dinner and two of my cousins (which I didn't know I had) just happened to walk past! I spent my first couple of days getting a tattoo (which was an awesome and sentimental experience) and roaming around Larissa doing some shopping and discovering. However on the third day I woke up ill as fuck. Like my stomach was in so much pain so I kept going to bed thinking that I'll wake up feeling better.... which never happened. Ended up realising at 8:30pm at night that it just wasn't to happen and finally got out of bed. After that it's a bit of a blur because my SISTERS GOT OUT OF A TAXI AND SURPRISED THE FUCK OUT OF ME IN GREECE!!!!!! Oh my god it was fkn wild, I literally had no clue they were coming. About a week before this happened I was on the phone telling them to just book their fkn tickets and come and lie with my on a beach somewhere in Santorini. Little did I know the bitches were muting themselves on our phone call and laughing because they HAD ALREADY BOOKED THEIR TICKETS 😆 The joke was clearly on me! Check out on Facebook the video of my jaw literally hitting the floor, the swearing, the scream and the many cuddles that were shared when this all unfolded! What an incredible experience to be able to share such an amazing journey with two of my bestest friends. I still pinch my self when I get their phone call in the morning saying 'what are we doing today?' ☺️ In all seriousness though, thank the lord they have me because A) they were fighting within the first 5 minutes of arriving in Mykonos, B) they are weak as shit and can't carry 25kgs up 50 stairs so I had to do it FOR BOTH OF THEM and C) they have no clue what they're doing so I am pretty much their personal tour guide 🙃 We have already had so many laughs and fun times, and I know these are memories that will last a lifetime. Anyway back to Larissa. It turned out I had fkn drunk the water by accident in Zakynthos and became sick as a fkn dog for the next 6 days. Literally whatever went down my throat came out again within maximum 5 minutes. Couldn't keep anything in my stomach, not even water. As shitty (pun intended) as being sick was, I definitely was very lucky to have my sisters constantly checking up on me and the fact that I was with my family who went above and beyond to get me on the road to recovery. Wouldn't have had it any other way. So my fun in Larissa ended after Tez and Jays arrived 😂 We did go to Karditsa, Farsala and Stomio to see more family which was fantastic. The girls went to Thessaloniki as well but I didn't make it because I was still really sick. Before I knew it (...literally because I had slept my life away!!) we were on our way to Piraeus which is one of the main ports of Greece. Conveniently, Terri's Nona lives there with her family so we stayed for a night before catching the 7am ferry to Mykonos the next day. That night was so much fun, we went for a stroll around town and went to Haagen-Daaz for some waffles and icecream! It wasn't what we did but it was the amazing company we had 😍 The 7am kick off to get to Mykonos was interesting 😂 As per usual we were running late and how we made it on that boat is fkn beyond me. The ride consisted of Terri not allowing me to fall asleep because everything single time I almost did, she would tickle my nose or something ridiculous. Could have punched her square in the face but decided that wasn't the best idea...so I made her buy me a hot chocolate which cost 5.80€ 😂 Our first impression of Mykonos is that it's fucking stunning. Whatever image comes to your head (crystal clear beaches with white houses on hills) is EXACTLY what it was like. However we were fortunate enough to discover the island from North to South and East to West. We hired a car and I, the driver, officially banned Terri from being in the front seat because she almost pulled the handbrake on me twice ❌ While the main town looks picturesque, the rest is actually quite hilly, rocky, windy and underdeveloped. It was astonishing to see the island for what it really is, with some of the most amazing beaches and hidden gems we would have only discovered by hiring that car. Highly suggest it... however there is a funny story that comes along with that 😂 So Greeks drive like fucking crazy okay. That's the perfect and only intro you need into this story. I was going down a really narrow and windy road when another car comes speeding around a corner (how the fuck they didn't spin out idk?) and is pretty much in my lane now still going fast. So I slam on the brake (dirt road btw so skidded instead of halted) and pulled over. In the process, I marked the car with about a 2.5cm BLACK scratch on a WHITE CAR. I was gutted because I knew they were going to notice it when we returned the car and that they were going to charge me a fuck tonne for it. So we go to the damn beach we were driving to when this happened and were then driving to the next beach when I spot a fucking mechanics (and probably the only one on the island) and swerve in like James Bond. And can I say I had luck just like James Bond! I'm trying to communicate in Greek to this guy and he is literally laughing at me stressing #bitch. He tells me to wait a minute and before I know he comes back with a cloth and some charcoal coloured substance. I freak out even more because like I said it's a white car and I'm thinking that he will make it worse #lenthinkingsheknowseverything. He rubs it on the car and then like magic before my eyes, the mark was gone. I literally told him that I love him and that he saved my life and that he is the best person to walk this earth. And before I could even finish we were back on our way dancing like absolute idiots out of pure joy 🙃 Mykonos is by far my favourite island out of the 3; including Ios and Santorini. It is absolutely stunning by day and night, the beaches are crystal clear and is good for a great boogie. My only fault is that it's expensive as fuck. But so so worth it. I met some amazing people in my dorm (you know who you are) and proceeded to go out until the AM partying and bar (that did just get autocorrected to bae) hoping. We had so much luck that night because every place we went to we were treated like royalty. Skipped the lines, skipped the entry fee, got given free shots and drinks. It was to die for 😍 The night ended with Souvlaki's and a really drunk walk home 😂 Next stop was Ios. I fkn loved Ios for its party scene. I FROTH a good time and that's the vibe that Ios had. Funny story: when we rocked up by bus at FarOut I was laughing because we saw teeny ass canvas tents and I said 'that would suck if you had to stay in one of them'. Before I know it I received my keys and found my... MOTHERFUCKING TENT FML 😫 Don't know how I fucked up so bad but like legit this thing had a door that was just about off its hinges, a "window" that was made of a holy mesh (mosquito friendly which means Eleni says ❌❌❌), and beds that should have been bought by a massage parlour. The girls (who at least booked a place with aircon and walls) weren't happy with their room either, so we upgraded to a villa with three beds and a bathroom! Fuck yessssssss! Life in Ios was pretty sweet after the accomodation sitch was sorted. We didn't do much exploring like we did in Mykonos. Partying by day and night was the plan ✔️ Met some sick chickens whilst partying, and also spent loads of time with Jack, Yianni, Emma, Jess and Amy who we knew from home. Bar crawls and wet t-shirt contests were (regrettably) attended. Let's just say... anyone who went on that stage in the wet tshirt comp would have needed a deadly amount of alcohol and a few types of drugs to morally get through. Other then partying double parked, time was spent on the beach or by the pool soaking up grecian rays ☀️ Then came the biggest disappointment that is Santorini. I should have never expected anything and that's why I feel let down. The white walls you see everyone taking photos of are pretty much only in Oia which is ridiculously expensive. It's the place to supposedly see the sunset but what you don't expect is thousands of tourists trying to get through streets which are 2 meters wide. Forget the balcony or castle where people take sunset pictures from. It is gorgeous though minus the tourists. However a positive is that they do have an entire street of clubs and bars so when you get bored at one, the next isn't too far away ☺️ Fira, another town close by where we stayed, was nice and lively but the streets in the centre couldn't compare to Mykonos'. As I'm writing this my time in the Greek islands is up. I'm on a ferry which came 1.5 hours late (welcome to Greek time...it's legit a thing) and is so rocky I think I'm going over board. My next few days include Athens with my Nouna and Nono. Going to take my sisters around to see some sights and then will go to The Ranch (where my god brother works) and say our final goodbyes :( So excited for my family's cuddles and kisses 😍 It's a good night from me xx P.S- wish me luck because the boat is about to tip P.P.S - I can't swim or even doggy paddle. P.P.P.S- the last PPS reminds me of another LOL- in Santorini, the girls and I did a tour to the volcano, thermal springs, Thirasia and Oia. When we reached the hot springs, which is literally in the middle of the ocean next to the rocks, Jamie and I thought it would be a fabulous idea to suss it out. So we jumped off the boat into the water and the waves were going over our heads. We start laughing (out of pure panic) because we can't swim for shit and it made trying to battle the waves so much harder. We looked at eachother whilst all of this was going on and knew what we were both thinking; that we are going to drown. I told Jamie to calm down and just keep your body afloat. Anyway, we clearly made the 200m distance back to the boat because I'm writing this now P.P.P.P.S - don't tell my mum that last story because I'll cop an ear full 😂

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