#i feel like not many ppl care but . i feel bad for just Ghosting

[shellxrls]

babe r u okay we haven’t seen you for ages :/

SORRY NONNIE. i feel like i shld do a clarification post cuz i've gotten a few asks and i feel kinda bad for leaving u guys in the dark 😭. i've just been putting this off cuz i've been tired and stressed coupled with other reasons (that i'll explain) that make me not want to publicly interact on this blog:

recently i've noticed such a large uprise in hate on this app (ranging from pro-israel/anti-palestine posts to mutuals outside of my fandoms being called aggressive slurs to ppl within the obx fandom consistently expressing opinions of dislike and resentment to authors for simply writing what they want) - also largely made up of anon asks with the foundation of racial or sexuality based hate (which i won't go into depth ab but ppl definitely pick and choose who to send hate to based on those factors - pisses me the fuck off more than anything bcuz i don't come on this app to be bombarded with racism and reminders of my racial perception in this world, regardless of whether its directed at me or mutuals).

another thing, (which ik has been said forever but continues to remain important), the lack of support and interaction for/with writers on this app is definitely very discouraging. i no longer feel supported by the community i've created and the truth is i need that interaction to keep writing and engage my motivation otherwise i feel like what i'm doing on this app is pointless.

no one logs onto this app to listen to me rant ab personal issues, and so i wont' go into extensive detail - but i've consistently used tumblr to escape my personal life, and the burdens and stress that come with. ofc i'm a writer, but wayyy beyond that this is intended to be my safe space where i can enjoy and simply be myself and let go of personal stress as well as interact happily w like-minded ppl. due to this, i've made an effort to take time out of my own life and duties to write and to interact because of the community. recently however i find myself more and more anxious to even open the app and look at my notifs, and whenever i do open the app i make myself feel bad by comparing myself to other writers - which is completely normal occasionally, but at this point its not as easy to shake considering all the factors listed above. its unfortunate to say but it simply hasn't felt worth it to be on this app and interact for while now for me.

before anyone says i'm being too sensitive or its my sole purpose to write - pls remember that this is entirely my blog, i can choose what my motivations are for being on this app and its not a stretch to kindly ask for more in terms of stopping hate and simply being more supportive if u do genuinely like an author and their works.

ultimately i've been both a fan/reader and a writer on this app for multiple years atp, i can understand both perspectives but i've honestly never felt this disconnected and upset ab a blog before. I understand that not everyone is to blame, and i'm sorry to those who've been kind & active supporters, but my public interactions have been limited and may continue to be bcuz i feel v unsure & stagnant atm.

the only 'exception' to this is my mutuals, i love them all obv and their works, & so i'm continuing to interact w them as per normal, and so i am active on the app & i'm definitely not entirely gone by any means. if anything i just need a few more days to reconsider, but we'll see.

[digitaldiseas3]

i can’t remember if i told tumblr about this already but whateva. i’m still thinking abt the dude who was hitting on me so hard this morning on my way to class. and i’m still thinking abt the hinge comment i got this morning that said smth like “you’re the kind of woman men used to go to war for, and id be first in line” like damn what was in the air that was making men NEED me

[the-cooler-king]

Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl

[trsrina]

zerobaseone reactions to when you cry

gn reader, fluff, angst idk !! not proofread wc: ~0.99k

jiwoong

- ppl would usually panic seeing someone cry but bro would be so calm

- he just smoothly comes closer and gently pats your back, asking you what’s wrong while staring through your soul with his beautiful eyes

- and then you just continue to cry your ass off even more like he’s so sweet and he just puts your head on his shoulder and stares at you with a small smile and trying to comfort you (which certainly works like his smile omg)

- he would not care if your tears made his shirt wet bc it’s you 😳 ends up cuddling you for the rest of the day and tries to make you happy again

other members under the cut!

zhanghao

- the moment you start crying he would just freeze

- like meanwhile you’re literally bawling he just sits there and spaces out and you’re like wth aren’t you supposed to comfort me

- don’t blame him tho he just doesn’t know how to react like should he hug you or is that too much or should he just leave you alone yk he’s just scared that he makes the wrong move

- but like he can’t just leave you like this so he just buries your face in the crook of his neck and softly whispers words of comfort in your ear

hanbin

-mother

- hanbin is probably the best at comforting people like when you start crying, his mother tendencies just kick in and like suddenly he has a whole pack of tissues, a blanket, your favourite plushy and your comfort movie on the tv

-wraps you up in a blanket and makes you hug your plushy (but you’d much rather hug him anyway) softly wipes away the tears that fell on your cheek and looks at you with concern like his eyebrows furrowed and the corners of his lips downward

- “don’t waste your tears like this. let’s watch a movie and cuddle, alright? i’ll make you feel better.”

matthew

- he would ask so many questions like he’s just so fluffy and cute

- “hey, why are you crying? what’s wrong? are you okay? did you hurt yourself? did someone hurt you? did something bad happen?”

- probably thinks you somehow hurt yourself or smth and starts inspecting you and trying to find where you hurt yourself

- he would be so worried. if you’re sad, he’s sad. his hands would not leave you and he would keep a protective grip on you for the rest of the day

taerae

- would start crying with you like he’s the type to cry whenever someone cries bc he gets emotional, his eyes would start to get slightly teary while he’s wiping away your tears with his hands

- “don’t cry” sniffles “i love you, okay?” sniffles and then it’s your turn to comfort him and trying to make him stop crying but it’s ends up with both of you crying

- hugs you with his chin resting on your shoulder and arms wrapped around your waist and you guys just stay like that for a while

- ends up playing cute little love songs on his guitar to try to cheer you up

ricky

- when he’s with you, all his walls just break down like he has this cool facade with other people but with you, he isn’t afraid to show his weak and vulnerable side

- won’t hesitate to immediately pull you in his embrace and constantly tells you that he’s here for you while his hand strokes the back of your head, his lips slightly ghosting over your ear

- “i’m here, okay? cry it all out. you’ll be okay,” makes your heart go crazy

- spoils you for the rest of the day (as if he doesn’t spoil you enough already) would not leave your side and makes you stay in bed all day

gyuvin

- his first reaction is to probably make you smile again and that’s his ultimate goal

- he wouldn’t know what to do and starts scrolling through his phone and you’re like are you serious rn but he’s actually trying to show you cute eumppappa pics to make you smile and it somehow works

- would grab your face and inches closer to you like your foreheads touching and just closes his eyes and stays there for a while and you just stop crying

- probably feels really proud of himself for being able to calm you down and make you happy again

gunwook

- would panic like why is his baby crying he doesn’t like it when the person he loves feels pain and starts to pout

- “who or what did this to you? what happened? i will fix it for you, okay? don’t worry.” would try to fight whatever made you cry like homework too hard? does it for you. someone wronged you? would not hesitate to fight them but actually though he is too nice to fight anyone he would probably confront them and scare them away though

- forces you to go to bed and makes you sleep like he would wrap you up with your blanket like a burrito and cuddles you with your face literally buried in his chest

- he’s just so incredibly sweet and the way he cares for you just makes you so happy

yujin

- would not know how to react pt. 2

- he has no experience in comforting anyone and he just awkwardly pats your back barely your back maybe just like the back of your shoulder

- and then he’s like this isn’t working i should do something else probably tries to poke your cheeks and pinch them trying to make you smile

- but you don’t care whether or not his way of comforting made you feel better or not just the mere sight of him makes you feel butterflies and gives you a serotonin boost

[notmyprey]

Small vent cause I swear I keep seeing this, and it just bugs me. Im not angry, I'm mostly just sad that this is where we are right now.

Guys, can we not harass others. Unless they are hurting others, what is harassment going to do? Make them sad? Make them hate themselves?

People can, in fact, have different likes and opinions than you. As long as they are not actively hurting people, hating others, or being mean, what is wrong with what they are doing?

Liking sfw vore, extreme cuddling, or any of its other names is not something that one should be harassed over.

Likeing vore in a sexual light is not something to be harassed over.

Liking it both ways is ok, too.

Also, the fact that some people are going out of their ways to harass people who like vore (sfw or nsfw) in a fatal/digestion context is so sad.

I personally dont find vore sexual. I personally dont like fatal (in the sense that the prey is dead completely and isn't a ghost or anything that still has a presence).

But here is the thing. I dont need to like and/or understand it to respect it. I dont need to like spiders to respect people who keep them as pets. I dont need to like the idea of having children to respect those who do.

People. You dont need to understand their feelings. You dont need to feel the same way. But they are people too. They have feelings. They are more than just text on a screen.

I know I may seem like a flat, one dimensional person since I post 1 type of content here, and thats how many people who like vore make their blogs too, but I am a human behind the screen.

Just, please. Respect others. I know, many people here are hurt. I know many people here have trust issues, and unfortunately, a draw of the vore community is that need for trust. But having healthy boundaries, having a healthy outlet that's not an anger filled rant (*will elaborate on what I mean at the bottom of this), and having someone to ask "can you make sure this is me talking, and not just my initial reaction" are things this community needs to work on.

If I were to give any advice, it would be to wait a minute before you post a vent, rant, or anything along those lines. Walk away for a minute, come back, and reread it. You may find that some of what you type is your initial anger, fear, or hurt speaking, not you.

I want your real voice to be heard, yall, and sometimes to do that, you need to step back for a moment. So before you send that hate message, before you post that rant, please ask yourself:

"Is that me, or what I was taught"

* I want to elaborate on what I mean by anger filled rant.

What I consider an anger filled rant is when someone finds something they dont like, and decid to attack it.

Instead of making something informative, they make something emotion filled. This isn't always bad. But this can be bad if the thing they are attacking is something that is not hurting others or themselves.

So in short, what I mean by anger filled rant is, a rant that attacks something that is not harmful.

I dont condone harassment towards anyone, but I do understand an angry rant if it is about someone who is hurting others. Again, that is not the thing I am referencing. I am not saying someone being angry at another for hurting people is wrong, it isnt. People should be angry at people getting hurt.

So yah, thank you all for reading this. I just needed to get this out there.

Guys, btw, this is not sfw interaction only for me (if you're rb you wanna make sfw only thats ok, def enforce your own boundaries) cause:

1. I feel like this is important for both sides

2. I have a 'if I dont see you, I dont care' rule cause I have given up on trying to blog all nsfw ppl lol. Sides they aren't monsters or anything. Just ppl. Still dont want them rbing or commenting, but liking my stuff is fine.

[ddaroll]

To be honest, I feel uncomfortable that Transformers fandom has a tendency to want Optimus only to be morally flawless.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you have to love all OP.

I fully understand with all my respect if you only want that kind of Optimus who is morally flawless.

The problem is the overcriticism of him who does not fit that standards of fandom.

Optimus is like the icon of Transformers. so he's in everyone's head like a soup with the images of all continuities rather than being thought of separately in each universes.

And if some Optimus in a particular continuity is being morally gray or making bad choices, people simply just read the wiki or read posts about that or ignore about the context why he made such choices then overcriticize him with confidence like he's the only one who's done wrong/bad things in the story.

And that's… that's just so weird. I've seen so many posts that overcriticizing him and getting self-righteous. They seem to feel themselves like… morally neat when they criticize Optimus. "I'm a very smart and analytical person who can spot these flaws even this overrated moral icon character!"

and... idk why but they are also obsessed with collecting Optimus' little faults and saying that Optimus should beg Megatron for forgiveness for THAT.

It's really weird considering Megatron also has done so many wrong things and they're always throwing same shits at each other in stories, but beyond that, above all, THEY ARE ALREADY PAST THAT STAGE!!

The two are no longer care about minor disputes in the past!!!

Megatron just wants to make Optimus know that his way is wrong, you little blind idealist, and Optimus is like "please just stop that madness and genocide and colonization. Universe hates us for this."

Do you really think that if Optimus apologizes to Megatron for the little things he did wrong in the past, the war will end just magically? AND DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT OPTIMUS NEVER TRIED SUCH THINGS DURING THE WAR?

I mean, if you really love and understand Optimus Prime, you should know that Optimus would have tried all the nonviolent ways to end the war arleady!

The initial feud between the two is no longer a matter now!The war between of them is now nothing but a huge ideological conflict!!

They are just divorced old men with a long history, not a fresh couple just started meeting each other!!!!!!

I just can't understand unless they enjoy criticizing the character who is considered as a moral icon to self-righteous themselves. I would fully understand if they criticize other characters equally, but no, they always have a huge double standard just for Optimus.

if they are all just nothing but Optimus haters, I still don't like it, but I could understand but this is also actually happening in Optimus fandom. Please show some love for him. at least don't try to prove your morality through him. please.

Oh I just read through what I wrote and I can see my anger is being expressed like a gradation LMAO I'm so sorry lol

anyway, so, yeah, please just see him as the same way like when you see the other common characters.

If you don't think of him as an overrated moral icon, or someone who should always be right, or a vessel of some kind of old ideologies (somehow people think that objectively correct ideologies are boring and outdated), but a person, you can enjoy the Transformers stories so much deeper. a low understanding of him will prevent you from enjoying thoes stories a lot. Like those ppl who blame Optimus just for cooperating with Ghost, without thinking about the consequences of not cooperating with them.

btw, the reason why I deleted my old tumblr was largely because of this. Back then, IDW Megatron was showing his redemption arc, and IDW Optimus was making mistakes to keep the peace he had barely achieved. and… yeah, I think you would know what was happend in Tumblr at the time. I left the fandom for 4 years because of that. The funny thing is, I didn't even know I was in love with Optimus until then. Anyone who knew me at that time would know how crazy I was about MTMTE lol

[horrifically]

as someone who formed a genuine trauma bond with my abuser, listening to ppl co opt & water down psychiatric terms is not only invalidating but makes it harder for ppl in abusive relationships to become self aware, something the abuser is already fighting very hard to do. trauma bonding is not "i experienced a similar trauma as someone else at the same time" or "me and this person experienced trauma together" (ex. you & your friend vent abt similar family issues, being traumatized with a sibling or surviving a car wreck with a friend) it's an intentional cycle of manipulation that plays into the already innate chemical & emotional needs all humans have

that's ^^^^ trauma bonding. if it makes it easier to understand, it's literally what most ppl would recognize as stockholm syndrome (yes i know that was debunked, but we all understand what the concept means)

on a further note, yall don't know what love bombing is either. love bombing is not when you get showered with attention on the first date/talking stage and then things mellow out when you start dating. love bombing is a tactic that guilts you & reaffirms your dopamine responses. the cycle can show itself in many forms but usually it's

abuser love bombs you knowing they're abt to do smth bad -> they do smth bad -> when you respond they gaslight & reaffirm with love bombing to make you feel guilty for doubting them/standing up to them -> cycle repeats

it is NOT being showered in attention and ghosted. my abuser liked to do it this way

intentionally triggered/put me in triggering situations -> id get upset and argue abt why he'd hurt me -> gaslight & love bomb me to show "he really does care, i just had to learn the hard way" -> repeat until i never confronted him again

now that we know that trauma bonding & love bombing are abuse tactics lets use them appropriately so victims can have the power of language 🙏

[faux-ee]

A Theory about Abilities in BSD, and why Fyodor wants to rid the world of Ability users

Originally, I want to delay making this post until I finish reading irl Dostoevsky’s Demons, because I personally find a lot of parallels between BSD’s Fyodor & Nikolai and Pyotr & Stavrogin in Demons, and I truly wish to elaborate on that. However, I just finished the 2014 TV Show Demons and let’s just say I’m moved to the core and nothing except writing about BSD Fyodor could give me peace. I will still be discussing briefly the connection between BSD fyolai & Demons characters in this post, but that discussion wouldn’t be so detailed because I tragically haven’t finished the book yet. 

Sorry I’ve rambled a lot. Anyways, here we go. 

In addition to the theory that Ability symbolizes trauma response, I want to speculate that Ability also translates one’s negative perception of themself into physical existence. In fact, in irl Atsushi’s work, the Tiger is none but a representation of the self, plagued by vanity and inferiority, that a person has to fight in order to not hurt people around them. Dazai’s ability No Longer Human is portrayed in the 15 manga as a hollow, dark being that only wears his skeleton — that is what dark era Dazai see himself as: non-human, empty, a walking ghost. Sigma believes that he is used as a tool by different ppl, so his Ability was information exchange — a tool for procuring info. 

I can list out much more, but basically, I think Ability is an outward manifestation of how BSD characters pessimistically perceive themselves (that’s why Ranpo doesn’t have an ability: he’s confident and in many aspects a child having not yet lost his innocence, protected and loved by Fukuzawa and the ADA). Or rather, the sad, violent, unpredictable self other ppl told them to be. Like Kyouka, who was told that her Ability made her a natural killer. This is why Ability is a pain: it’s the dark side of oneself; it makes Ability users believe that what makes them powerful, useful to other ppl, is this Self that wallows in existential despair, in its own insufficiency, and in the guilt of causing death. 

In Dead Apple, our main characters have to fight their own Abilities to achieve growth. In the ADA, Fukuzawa’s Ability keeps all other Abilities under control, creating an ideal environment for ADA members to grow into the better version of themselves. All of these point out Abilities to be trouble rather than strength. 

And Fyodor sees that. He sees that for people, Ability represents a past and ongoing pain. No, I’m not trying to justify his cause by presenting him as an all-knowing being. I’m referring to his uncanny ability of seeing into the heart of people’s struggle — his empathy with Sigma, Goncharov, Gogol and even Karma attested to that. And he thinks the only salvation from such darkness is Death. 

We already know that Crime and Punishment doesn’t prevent Fyodor from touching ppl, which means he has no reason to hate his own ability to the point of wanting to eradicate it. It is actually just the opposite case. In Dead Apple, Fyodor declared that he himself is the embodiment of both crime and punishment, which are a pair of good friends. He has made peace with the dark version of himself, has accepted his Ability as part of the truth of what he is. Inseparable with his existence. This is why he wants to kill ability users, rather than simply writing away Ability (if that is the purpose he can come up with a convincing story on that one page he already has): his Ability is inevitably linked with his existence; therefore he thinks the only way to take away this twisted, suffering side of oneself is to end their lives. 

Now, the second question is that, are Abilities an entirely bad thing? Like everything in BSD, it isn’t a black-and-white matter. We have seen many times our Stray Dogs use their Abilities to protect themselves, and the people they care about. We have to accept that there’s a side of us that feel insecure and unhappy from things we experienced, but this is also the side that help us sympathize & establish in-depth connections with people who are also suffering (see Lucy, Atsushi and Kyouka; Akutagawa and Atsushi; even Teruko’s understanding of Fukuchi may be a result of that). 

One of Fyodor’s traits that contributed to his extremism personality is that he doesn’t, or rather refuses to, connect with people. He sees people as mindless chess pieces who live under the lies they tell themselves, easy to manipulate once you grant them the fulfillment of their desires. See? On the surface level he’s on better terms with his Ability — his dark side — than anyone else, and thats why he seems to understand the desires and conflicts in everyone he comes across. But in truth, Crime and Punishment stood with their backs to each other; what seems as reconciliation is actually Fyodor refusing to come face to face with himself. He exalts his pain. He celebrates non-existence. He attributes all his actions to the god — yet as we can see in the two-page spread before his confrontation with Ace, “if god doesn’t exist, then I am god”. He turns his back on his human self, and instead chooses to obsess with the image of a god that is actually how others perceive him to be: the bringer of fear and death, murderer of children, dangerous force of destruction. He takes it in and flips it around, worshipping his darkness, his human suffering, as a source of power. 

I’m not saying, however, that Fyodor feels any pain or guilt I have implied here. He is not taking his revenge on the world because he is pained inside, no, let’s not go into that YA dark haired emo boy stereotype. Instead, he is wreaking havoc in the world precisely because he cannot feel this pain. Next will be some spoilers on Demons: one of the main characters, Stavrogin, confessed to a priest about causing a child’s death (won’t go into the nasty details; I’m still shaking from that), and yet he didn’t do it out of guilt — he did it because he wanted to feel proud and noble again, exposing his own sin to let others punish him with their malice, since he didn’t make an effort to repent and couldn’t forgive himself. Stavrogin doesn’t want to move on and trust his own ability to become a better person; instead, he tries to set the whole world against himself, in order to keep avoiding confronting his own conscience and continue to adhere to the false belief of his righteousness. [Spoiler Ends]

This might be a little confusing, but in simpler words, it’s similar to what Fyodor is doing: he doesn’t feel guilty for killing ppl; he hardly feels anything at all. He is a psychopath beyond redemption, that is what others see him as and what he willingly believes. He is excluded from the human world, he has fused himself with his Ability, turning himself wholly into an unfeeling, murderous monster. He forces himself to believe he is doing the right thing in destroying the world because he’s a coward. (Remember that Fyodor is supposed to be a foil of Dazai, and in No Longer Human Dazai calls himself a coward who’s afraid of happiness?) If he steps back and looks at what he did, all the children he killed, he would be forced to feel guilty, which he fears; so he frees himself of his humanity as well as his conscience to avoid accounting for his own darkness. He views the rest of the world as a sin because he doesn’t want to see himself as a sinner. 

OK let’s talk a little about Gogol here then because I’m fyolai trash: “In opposition to god, you’re fighting to lose sight of yourself” what does this mean? 

This is not actually a very accurate translation. The direct translation from Japanese should be: you are fighting to oppose god and lose sight of yourself. This line also kind of implies Gogol being associated with the military, since the word used for “fighting” here is heavily implied to be war-related. [Spoiler Again] Now, in Demons there is literally a character that resembles Gogol in every way: Pyotr Stepanovich is greatly fascinated with putting on an act, is a master of faking different, often ridiculous personalities to achieve his goal, and he is raising hell all over because he wants to uproot all previously established social systems, calling for a revolution that leads people into decadence and depravation. (AND he even also places the blame of somebody’s murder on an innocent person - while Pyotr is the murderer - as part of the plan!) [Spoiler Ends] This character in Demons is abandoned by his father, so he was always plagued with the belief that he was born wrong, and when his father sought him out only to exploit him further, he lost all belief in god and believed that chaos was the only answer to his empty, unloved existence. This shall provide an answer as to why Gogol thinks human feelings is a thing he ought to transcend: for some reasons his humanity might have been exploited to put him under the control of someone else. Even the person he’s closest with, Fyodor, sees him as a chess piece and he is well aware of that. AND the most deadly thing is that he is comfortable in this relationship because he is used to not receiving anyone’s good will. 

Gogol is many things, but perhaps the one thing that draws him constantly to his demise is the fact that he is unloved. He wants to free himself from humanity for an entirely different reason: he feels the constant need to prove that it’s the world that’s wrong, that what he sees is the truth - his actions are controlled, he is trapped by human feelings that never get acknowledged or responded, and these morals/feelings give people power to walk all over him, to use him as a tool. His Ability, which connects spaces, means that his dark side is exactly this need to escape deterred by his fear of being forever trapped by his own limitations. 

If I were to put this in a more religious light, since we’re talking about god and russians here, I would quote something from Nietzsche: The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions. To want god’s love is to give yourself nonexistent sins for Him to forgive — this self-assigned sin is what controlled one’s actions, made one feel guilty. The futile outcry for love, and specifically for god’s love and forgiveness, is what makes people crazy and absurd in Nietzsche’s view. Gogol is sane, and is trying desperately to convince himself that he is so, by seeing through the lie that is called love. He denies himself faith and love in exchange for full control over himself. Why pursue something that he has only known to chain him down? Fyodor understands him, and plays along with his jokes, his games; he isn’t afraid of Fyodor’s understanding, no. He is afraid that he will grow to love his dear friend more until he is consumed by this human lie and forgets how much of a danger it is to his freedom. He trembles in his adoration of the man-god.

I have earlier put out a crack theory that Gogol is a foil of Chuuya. However, in this context, Gogol truly is similar to Chuuya seeing how they are constantly being used by other people, Gogol in a more literal sense since even his speech was pre-written; Chuuya allows himself to forgive and forget, and carry on with life focusing on the present, while Gogol becomes haunted by his hyperawareness of his situation and inability to be free. Neither of these attitudes are healthy and I say it’s no coincidence Asagiri decided to put Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya, Nikolai and Sigma in the same arc. I look forward to everyone figuring out their problems with equally mentally ill enemies in prison. 

[jayflrt]

hi im back i swear i could talk ab iland for hours fr ...

smth i wanna talk ab is their friendships on the show and moments that i think ab A LOTTT

- heeseung and jungwon!! i think they grew close very early on esp bc they were in iland together from the start and u could see how sad hee was when jungwon almost got emiminated. like boy was in tears SOBBING when jungwon came back from that dam egg and i felt in that moment u could rlly see how much jungwon meant to him and he couldnt lose him

- JAY AND NIKI like when jay came back to iland and cried that niki didnt make it 😭 they were THAT DUO™️ in the ground stressing out teaching everyone fire. i think they were the perfecr pair to lead bc they both had an insane amount of passion and determination like niki was one of the only ones that understood why jay wanted them to keep practicing and not fall behind bc they both knew how much was on the line. they were also on the same team multiple times which caused them to grow close and the fact that jay was one of the ones who could speak japanese so niki definitely clung onto him and jay would help him out a lot :')

- SUNOO AND JAEBEOM. one of the most purest friendships on the show i swear. they experienced ground and iland together and in the behind cams THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GOSSIPING ALL THE TIME IT WAS SO CUTE. and the fact that sunoo used one of his calls to call jaebeom omg 😭 theyre probably still friends til this day since sunoo cherishes all of his friendships i rlly need them to vlog tgth or smth i miss them sm

- sunoo and taki 😭 when sunoo said he wanted taki as a real little brother I SOBBED. i think another anon talked ab them so i wont get into it much but im so happy theyre still close and we see them interact a lot

- enha 02z omg. iland is where jakehoon rlly took off and it was so endearing to witness their friendship blossom on the show. and jayhoon ☹️☹️☹️ i love every jay duo in enha but jayhoon (and heejay) takes the cake for me. when sunghoon worried more about taking jays place during the dance unit over winning it showed how much their friendship means to him. and when jay says the iconic line "my one and only unit" LIKE THEY ENTERED ILAND TOGETHER AND DEBUTED TOGETHER IT CANT BE MORE PERFECT THAN THAT. and during pt. 2 i loved how in the behind cams we got to see all 3 of them get closer and become the iconic 02z trio we know and love today (im just so happy they all got to debut together it was seriously fate)

- jay and k. so yes, k was really bad on the show and his competitiveness got the best of him. it was sad to watch how he treated other ppl sometimes and i'll say hes grown from it and is in &team now and takes care of the members well. (i watched &audition and his character development was crazy so good for him) but in iland u can tell how much jay really values k as an older brother. jay was one of the older contestants so he probably felt like he had to shoulder a lot and be a leader but when k is around i feel like he got to relax a little more yk? and as we know enha and esp jay dont really have many friends outside of the group (besides sunoo) and im glad theyre still very close til this day.

sorry this was so long u fr opened the floodgates for me skdjs

HELLO !! feel free to 🤝 i love talking about iland (i am hyperfixated)

omg yes there were so many cute friendships that i wish mnet covered more !! :( jungwon and heeseung were so meant to be friends like 🥹🥹 omg in the ghost episode when jungwon slept in heeseung's bed was the first time i realized that he rlly lets himself be a kid around hee 🥰 NO YEAH MY HEART BROKE THAT EPISODE 😭 heeseung's sobbing actually hurt me holy shit i hate mnet for what they put those boys through

omg i felt so sad when jay went up without riki and started crying into k's shoulder 😭 ALSO WHEN JAY DID HIS MASSAGES FOR EVERYONE LOLL i definitely feel like jay jake riki and sunoo (and daniel) grew a lot closer in ground but i was so soft for jayki:') 💘💘 OMG YES SUNOO AND JAEBEOM WERE SO CUTE i just feel like they matched each other's energy so well !! i wish iland showed more interactions because jaebeom clearly had gotten close with more ilanders (sunghoon nominating him for parts, them using sunoo's call to call jaebeom) but i think mnet just focused on the drama + training + a few select friendships

that part where taki was crying on his way to ground and sunoo held his hand and walked him to the building ☹️☹️ they were too cute!!! but yes i remember their pictures together from hanging out n im so happy they're still close 🥰 omg "my one and only unit" changed the trajectory of my life forever like it's been my bio for two years now because of how insane of a hold it has over me 😵‍💫 02z were so so cute :')) part of the reason why i was so sad that ej got eliminated in pt 1 but we got so many cute jaykehoon moments 🥹💖 the entire ghost episode made me ADOREEE them like jake and sunghoon going everywhere together and pranking jay in the bathroom,, then their little dispute "i'll walk you to your room and then we'll walk to mine" "you cant even walk to your room by yourself??" and then jake getting all riled up and saying he could only to run back to sunghoon 😭😭 AND JAY AND JAKE SAYING THEYD SHOWER TOGETHER BC THEY WERE SO SCARED 😭🤚

omg yes jay was so cute around k he let himself be a little brother 🥹🥹 i think he needed that person he could go to and be vulnerable because he tried to put up a strong front a lot of the time and was under so much pressure 🤧 literally cried at the part of him writing all of those letters with his mosquito bitten hands :(( omg yeah i wanna know if enha have more idol friends HAHHA i know heeseung's friends with jeongin, beomgyu, and lim jimin and i know a few members are friends with tnx members OH and shotaro and riki are friends 🥰🥰💖💖

HAHAH no need to apologize i feel insane over iland friendships too 😵

[ingoodjesst]

this is mostly a ramble in response to himeno hot takes that she lacks depth or readings that fawn over aki while dissing himeno and it's like. i know i shouldn't take it TOO seriously but idk lol neither this manga nor aki himself would be what it is without her

like take this with a grain of salt ofc, but some ppl in the fandom have these visceral negative reactions to himeno that i really feel miss the thematic importance she has both in the overarching story and to aki in particular. i mean listen, it is 1000% okay if you simply do not like her because of her actions towards denji; she's a fucked up character, she's not supposed to be justified in everything. yeah i find her supremely interesting both in spite of and because of her doing genuinely bad things in a very human way, but not everyone comes out of that actually liking her which is fine

that said, if you try to engage with the story while ignoring himeno, you will lack a full understanding of csm and of aki hayakawa as a character. she just encapsulates so many of the manga's themes at only a third of the way through. like, the way that being single-minded and dealing with your traumas poorly can lead to ruin. the way that we can have complex relationships that we hang onto even when they're imperfect or toxic. the way that love is a dependency and can be deeply unhealthy, but that doesn't stop us from still wanting and needing to depend on others and continuing to try over and over again anyway because without vulnerability we will never find true connection. the way that the ones we lose live on in ourselves, precisely because we cared and connected with them - enough to contextualize their lives, enough to cry over them. the way that easy revenge is the first step in aki's journey to realize that the pursuit of a grand cause he could never pull off alone anyway is not the only thing that can give life meaning, not when there are the little victories and the people you love that you don't wanna lose (again).

i mean i think it's worth noting that in the end, aki still gives himeno's family half of his life's savings because that connection ran too deep to ignore, even long after she was gone. because even if she was the first death in the story only about 30 chapters in, himeno's presence echoes throughout the narrative and haunts you like a ghost one last time to remind you that yes, she was and always has been there.

[eunchancorner]

Uhhh Rick headcanons?? Man needs more love, in universe and out

He do thooooooo :<

Lil warning for le depression and suicidal tendencies

NORMAL HCS

-Dyk it's canon that Rick has the big sad?

-Big sad + try-to-self-unaliving tendencies = Very bad at keeping jobs

-I hc that his depression is genetic like mines (tho it would be hella funny for his parents to be the most bright and bubbly ppl in the world, like it skipped a generation or smthn)

-Big sad = no motivation to be physical besides going to jobs = big man

-Radford's best friend

-They get coffee together a lot.

-The fact that Radford is basically keeping him alive makes him feel like he needs to stay alive for his friend. Kinda sad but at least it's keeping him alive

-Sometimes Radford invites him to hang out with Kevin and Streber too. It usually gets awkward very fast-

-He has been put on suicide watch by Radford many, many times

-Can be caring and sweet, but usually only around, you guessed it, Radford

-Does like affection, but never initiates it

TICKLE HCS

-Yet another tkl-starved boi :<

-Big tum = Very tklish tum, always

-Very surprisingly loud laugh

-Most common to see him smile when being tickled... or when he's tickling >:3

-Despite being tkl starved, he's still a damn good ler

-Has days where he's teasy and days where he's quiet and YOU CAN'T TELL WHICH IS WORSE

-Sometimes he'll tickle Radford to 'thank him for being such a good friend' which is like 'Awww' but also 'WHYYY'

-Can't help that this sad boi likes laughter

-Once again, cannot HANDLE teases (like just about no one can it's insane)

-Hovering hands over his tkls spots, especially his tum, gives him awful ghost tkls, like, mans is giggling already

I made it depressing. Then made it undepressing :>

[itsjaywalkers]

Heyyyyy! It's me, the sweet ranter (and I'm very proud of my own tag!) and (as always) I will just rant a bit.

Yesterday was my first exam and I think it was good (but who knows). Tomorrow will be the next one, but I have that one pretty much in the bag, so I'm not concerned.

Anyways, what I actually wanted to say was that I finally had the time to read the rest of chapter two and it was AMAZING (just like the first one).

James just re-watching the video because of Regulus! That man is so far gone and I love it! <33

Then Barty and Evan (the menaces) being annoying as always and Barty crumbling after Regulus (the only smart one... scratch that, he lives in a haunted house BY CHOICE and doesn't do anything about it) just let it go because Barty can't go a minute without any attention.

WOLFSTAR! WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR! WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE?!?!? I WANT TO BITE THEM! <333

To wrap everything up: I LOVE IT! And will start reading chapter three as soon as I send this ask (I'm pretty exited about the black brother's reunion wich will for sure be dramatic and messy because they are... them)! :)

Much love (AND MANY LOVING BITES)! <333

hi darling!! i'm so glad u like ur new tag <3 (and sorry it took me so fucking long to get back to u, work has been especially bad, it was half term last week, i'm barely alive etc etc)

congrats on doing well in ur exam <3 so happy for u!! and i'm loving that confidence, i hope that second exam went well too but i'm sure it absolutely did!!

I'M SO GLAD U ENJOYED THAT CH i feel like making ghosts has a . very slow start . which isn't wrong necessarily but i know a lot of ppl don't like that when it comes to fanfic (or even in general) so u liking the beginning of that story and loving those first chs so much is Everything . to me . james rewatching reg's vid again and again is one of my fav scenes so far tbh

and i swear the whole barty evan reg dynamic in making ghosts is so so so special to me, i was so intimidated about writing both barty and evan and i wanted to get them right + it was sort of a gift to my sister bc she was the first reader of that story and she's fucking obsessed with rosekiller (mostly barty) like it's Bad. so i wanted to give her more content of them!! and they ended up coming so easy to me <3 and they Care so so so much about reg in their own questionable insane way.. they're the true mvps

WOLFSTAR ARE SO SILLY AND DOMESTIC AND BASICALLY A MARRIED COUPLE i adore them sooooo much

and yeah.. dramatic is definitely one way to describe their reunion..

thank u so much for keeping me updated on ur reading and im sending u all my love <333 a dozen kisses for u!!

[bwambiee]

EEE HI?

it’s been a while hi hi, honestly…. i didn’t think i’d pull away from tumblr like that but life caught up with me and to be frank, back when i was active on here i was in a not-so-great head space. i feel really bad for going away without an explanation so here’s a lil reason why i ghosted this app for some time.

i truly love writing on here. it provided me an outlet that was something safe and and comforting for me that took me out of reality when i needed it, and i met so many wonderful ppl on this app that just made it 100x enjoyable especially since we all shared the same interests.

but there were some things i didn’t like about this app, and it was mostly on me. i was in a constant cycle of putting new ideas on here and promising that i’ll upload them, promising everyone ‘it was coming soon’ and i hated how slow i was for trying to put things out there. i felt disappointed in myself every time i opened this app and i knew i was all bark and no bite LOL ofc that’s a habit i have stopped (hooray!). also i’m not sure if anyone has ever felt the same before but have you guys ever written something and you reread it 50, sometimes even a hundred times to make sure it’s perfect? and then when you copy and paste it here and get ready to tap on upload, you stop? suddenly your mind starts pulling you back, “it’s not good enough” “another story has the same concept and that author writes better” “you’re just going to disappoint your readers” etc..? because GOD that’s all i would hear from myself every damn time i wanted to upload something. truly my own enemy fr and it’s my own fault for throwing a self pity party srsly. now that i’m (kinda?) back and have a clean mind and plate, i just want to do better. im not sure if anyone is going to see this or if anyone cares bc tbh bc it’s not THAT big of a deal but i did feel bad for leaving and ghosting this app.

so i’ll be lurking around, fixing up my blog and changing the theme, my ask box is open so feel free to go to it if you’d like (read the rules ofc) the works that have been finished will be uploaded whenever, no definite date and my smau is being revised since i did a change up the chapters a lot, no definite upload date for that either but be on the lookout 🫶🏻

[mogai-sunflowers]

Hmmmm I thought it would be a good idea to ask you, but… Do you know what an impulsive attention-grabbing thought can be? Like, is it just an impulsive thought or could there be something behind it? Because I often get mild impulses like "We should pretend we have (insert neurodiversity or disability here) because then people will care about us" and I'm like, I would NEVER do that, it's just an impulse… Or maybe an intrusive thought, I'm not sure… Maybe it's just my OCD? /genq

okay anon all i can say is i feel like i fucking ghost-wrote this because those are literally exactly what my intrusive and impulsive thoughts are about. things that would be immoral to actually say/do, but they intrude my mind and it’s fucking annoying but omg i can’t tell you if it is your ocd, but it certainly is for me and so i’d say it’s a good safe bet that it’s probably because of your ocd because a loooooot of ppl with ocd experience stuff like that. like i get the most fucking bigoted intrusive thoughts sometimes and it’s just like. my reaction is always “what the FUCK” and then the thought passes. but i’ve had so many “immoral” intrusive and impulsive thoughts and urges like that and it’s because of my ocd so excuse the ramble but anon i feel you and i promise you’re not bad or wrong ocd is just fucking insufferable.

[tenelkadjowrites]

i know i gave up on hongmullet, but it served. hwa's red era was so short and unexpected, feels like a fever dream, i often forget it happened then i see a photo or a video and suddenly i remember 😳

twitter is really the worst, tik tok too tho i don't use it. tumblr has its flaws but i've been her for ages, it's my swamp at this point, i won't leave. it also doesn't have a lot of minors and no offense but i don't wanna see opinions of 16 year olds and i definitely don't wanna interact with them and see them simp 🙅🏼‍♀️

ohhhh i used to be a proof reader so i get you! i also wrote articles people requested so it wasn't very fulfilling. taking requests feels like too much pressure and it's unnecessary when you have enough ideas on your own and you have to meet so many expectations, some requests are very specific and detailed too

understandable about not sharing a lot of personal things on this blog, and you have another tumblr account correct? makes sense you wanna keep this one more, hmm let's say professional. like me on twt i kept my hwa account strictly seonghwa related, barely stated my opinions cause that wasn't the purpose of it, also didn't want people to say shit since the account gained quite a lot of followers. i was being myself on my main.

interesting point about not listing fic influences etc, i never thought about it this way! personally i like when writers share some behind the scenes, but i like to read them after i read the fic so it's just a bonus

omg 3 parts? gotta buckle up for that

i also don't use tiktok cuz i have adhd and i know it'll be a time sink of which i won't come back from lol. and yeah, tumblr is just my ideal place right now, i don't wanna interact with minors especially given what i write so i prefer it here vs twitter where, esp kpop side of things, feel like it is full of minors.

and yes, absolutely nothing against requests but i just try to write what i want when i want to write it and i worry by doing requests my work might not be as good? if it's an idea i feel like i have to write, then it shifts back more to that job feeling than a passion project and i worry it'll be bad. i like the freedom of this blog and of writing whatever i would like to write.

yes, i have a main tumblr at @hologramhoneymoon - i just reblog a lot of stuff on there, kpop stuff, movie stuff, things that hit a spot in my brain that i like, etc. i like having this blog separate from that so i can keep this just for the fics and have the other one for my messy, chaotic way of reblogging lol. and that way if ppl really don't wanna see that stuff and just want fics, they don't have to worry about their dashes being clogged up with random stuff. it keeps a sort of barrier up between myself and this blog in which i oftentimes think of myself as a little ghost or cloud that runs it. i post my stuff, i answer or talk to anyone who chimes in, and i leave.

if you ever have any specific fic questions, i can answer them, it isn't a problem - i just am super shy and don't wanna assume ppl care or burst any meaning a reader might have put on the fic from their own heart/brain if that makes sense? so i'd answer them but i'd just put them behind a cut so ppl can skip them if they want and also because i love the false sense of control i feel putting things behind a cut like i am ~hiding lol.

i'm hoping to post part two sometime later this week cuz i am still wrapping up part three and have to edit part two lol.

[symptoms-syndrome]

How bout 3, 9 and 12? 💛

Hi Bunny!!!

3. How do you figure out who you are in the moment?

It depends! Sometimes I can Just Tell, sometimes I go "hey, what's my name RN?" and sometimes someone else inside tells me. Most of the time I don't track it or anything so it isn't super relevant or super important to know all the time. Which is thinkkk is good but I also think I need to be a little more mindful about it. Probably??? IDK! I just usually know when I'm me bc I'm me! It's intuitive a lot of the time.

9. If you have OCs(original characters), do your parts have any influence on them? Alternatively, if you’re creative in general, do they have any influence?

LMAO u sent this one in on purpose w the timing...........

This is sorta complicated bc I don't totally know!!! I think? But I'm not 100% sure of the details. I have a bunch of OCs and I think parts have some influence but they're sort of a collective creation of many years, PLUS the fact that my friend(s) also influence them! Like I'll be like "hmm I think Jakob would be bad at cooking" and my friends will add in like "yeah I bet he gets a lot of cheap takeout" y'know? Collaboration type stuff. Ofc sometimes I'm like "hmm that doesn't feel right" and my friends are cool w that too.

I do think that parts influence my OCs more than I'm consciously aware of, if that makes sense, but not necessarily because of Parts Reasons but a lot because I consider my OCs to be reflections of myself in a way? Like I put little pieces of myself into all my OCs and then they just kinda grow on that like crystals or pearls. Like for Jakob, who's a cool demon guy, he was sorta made with a little piece of how I used to be really worried about my masculinity. And then he grew on that into a fully developed character. Sometimes that doesn't work though, I'll have an OC that I just can't get to grow on that seed that I gave, and that's okay too.

Does that make sense? I hope it does. I really love all my OCs, even the ones that are bad people LMAO. I'm really proud of the way I can develop a deep and interesting character!

12. Do any of your parts have special relationships with each other? Would you like to share about some?

Umm I mentioned that I think Seba and Runaway are friends. I think they are but I'm not sure, they were at a previous time in my life bc they were the main ppl who were around. I think Runaway thought he was a ghost at first and Seba was like "IDK maybe" but they talked a lot. And he can get through to her easier than the rest of us but he's real serious about keeping her secrets so it's not like he relays anything really I just know they talk.

I also think I said this before maybe but I was rly surprised that Tomas and Aslan (one of our little little parts) get along really well. I didn't peg Tomas as a fatherly type but like. IDK he's good at taking care of him. When I did the whole visualizing a meeting spot thing for the first time they were the only ones who showed up, and when it was time to go back to the safe space Tomas carried him back which is cute!