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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Ducktales Comics: Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime or Weblena: The Preschool Days (Lena Retrospective) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Shadow Into Light, My Lena Retrospective, which fittingly has now come to Women’s History Month! I sadly do not have anything besides this arc prepared for the month. This month is pretty packed for me with two shows a week to cover, as while there’s only two weeks of Ducktales left final space starts up right after to take it’s spot, two arcs to cover, and two time specific movie reviews: animal crossing the movie and the 1990 TMNT film. I will try to get more than the currently planned top 12 superheroines list out there... but this month is very tight as is, so if I do not I deeply apologize.

Now that’s out of the way, it’s appropriate we start Women’s history month on some likely lesser known parts of Lena’s history, with some comics stories focusing on our faviorite emo lesbian duck and her 87 counterpart. Before I get started on that though Kev my patreon pointed out something intresting a few weeks back i’ve been forgetting to get to and since we’re looking into Minima, I felt this was the perfect time to do so: Lena’s Concept art.

There’s quite a few things to gleam from this. For starters as pointed out in the reddit thread I got the image as a whole from this was made in 2015, meaning Lena was one of the first new characters designed for the series and was part of it from the VERY early stages, as evidenced by the fact that despite clearly having their new personalities established, Beakly and Webby still had the old designs.

The other notable change is that her first design was way more like both Magica nad Minima, a bit more modern, but clearly far more obvious who she was related to. She also had all black feathers making the shadow twist a bit more obvious and was likely done away with both to avoid giving that twist away, the same reason for the fake lestrange name, and to avoid accidently black coding her, as while Lena being black would’ve been intersting, it also would’ve invited a firestorm of controversy given that their one black character in season 1.. woul’dve started off as a homeless, manipulative antagonist, and none of that would play well nor was it something the progressive crew of this show couldn’t spot from a mile away. And even this early on they have an almost final design ready, simply changing the shirt to fit her personality more, and her hair to be pink because it honestly looked better She also had green eyes throughout, but for whatever reason they phased them out. That part I don’t quite get as they look nice but probably they were hard to translate to the reboot style once they settled on their own. Her purple eyeshadow and haircut though have stuck since and were good calls.

One last VERY obvious note.. Webby was gay for Lena from minute one. While Dana helped it is now VERY obvious they gay coded this relationship from the design phase, and the crew was entirely aware the whole time and I gave them less credit than I should have. They clearly had this in mind, and it’s very likely ONLY subtext because Disney, while making more and more progress, is very reluctant to have queer characters as Owl House was a struggle and since they have a tighter leash on properites based on the sensational 6, that means Frank knew they had the same odds of making Webby or Della queer in anything but subtext that a pig has of suviving in a slaughterhouse. I bring this up because I fear the series getting accused of queerbaiting somewhere down the road instead of doing what they could with a bad hand and hoping they could make the show as gay as they could. Penny is as out as they posisbly could get her, and Violet and Lena’s dad’s got a full apperance, if no speaking role that made it obvious beyond a shadow of a doubt their gay and did it in a plot important episode. So they did their best and I want them to get credit for that.

But while this is all intresting stuff, join me under the cut for the meat of today’s review as I dig into Lena’s only apperance in the tie-in comic that was never punished here, and the only apperance of her protoype Minima.

Spies Like Us: As I mentioned this comic was never published here which is doubly weird to me because of how I knew this story existed. Since I follow comics weekly and buy trades reguarly, I read the solicits companies put out eveyr month to see what new series are coming, what the ones i’m currently reading are doing, and what trades are coming out. That sort of thing, and it’s something I love. I know their basically adds.. but their well put together adds that really pull you into the books you like. The big two and the indies are all very good at it and sometimes i’ts the only way to know a comic is coming if the company dosen’t make a press release for it ahead of time.

So naturally given there are several comics I follow at idw, paticuarlly the TMNT comics, I read those solicits and found they were going to do an issue with Webby and Lena becoming spies, and was excited about it. I ended up forgetting about it and never really followed the Ducktales comic as it came out, and upon reading an issue or two recently, one for another comission by kev as one story, happy happy valley, was particularly terrible. For those who haven’t read the story or my review, it involved the family getting stranded on an island where their forced to partake in activites and smile..that somehow turned into an aseop about Louie wanting to be rich. It ended with this

Yes.. really. That actually happened. But even with this, I fully planned to cover the issue when I covered Lena, and brought it up to Kev when he commissioned the retrospective. He gave me the discord equilvent of a blank stare and had never heard of it. I soon found out why: the story was replaced as, and fair play to disney, it spoiled Beakly’s past from the agent 23 episode which wasn’t going to air in time. What dosen’t work is they never reprinted the story in The US.. didn’t put it in a future issue and just swap it’s place didn’t put it in the nothing. And the story was fully complete as we’ll see, with a cover and everything so they had no excuse whatsoever to NEVER use it, even with what happened to Lena in the season finale, this clearly took place before that and it was weird to just shelve it because of that. But thankfully when a bunch of the stories were reprinted overseas, this and another one, also webby centric got published overseas. But not in english.

Lucky for me, I was able to find an english translation of an english story which you can read RIGHT HERE. It was translated by @neopuff and I thank them for it as without them this review would not be possible and want to give them all the credit. So was it worth all their hard work translating it? Well let’s take a look.

We begin at the Manor where Lena is skulking around suspiciously.. though it turns out she and Webby are just playing hide and seek. Though Lena accuses cheating. The dialouge here is pretty flat though that’s not Neopuff’s fault at all. As I can attest from reading other stories a lot of the early IDW comics are just this flat in dialoguge no matter the writer as they were likely given character descriptions and basic info about the show they likely had written up for merchandising and Frank and Co were given no involvement and likely weren’t made avaliable to consult on the comics to help them be a bit more fleshed out. It’s very obvious to me Disney just tried to get these pumped out so they’d have a series in stores to tie in without carring about qualities and given Scrooge debuted in comics, their lack of care toward that side of things in general, but especially in the first american published original duck comics in a while, bothers me a lot. It’s inexcusable.

That being said the story isn’t half bad nor is the setup as the two hear a beeping and find it’s Beakly’s phone going off with a mysterious message from Q, Webby thinks she’s been reactivated, and is encouraged by Lena to go look after her while she stays along. While Webby says in response

It just feels grossly out of character for both. Lena is far more subtle about manipulation as shown five minutes ago and Webby blindly trusts her. Because she has a massive crush on her and is naïve about how the world works. It just seems very odd of her to get suspicious as she never does on screen, and again it comes off as Disney having barely given the writers any materials on them when i’m sure Frank or Matt would’ve been happy to write up a thing for them to help outside of the usual press materials they were given.

Though hte last line isn’t all that out of character and has an obvious answer as within a jumpcut Launchpad’s taking them to London and is told to blend in.. which he does with an australian flag and accent.. good gag.

So our heroines do some heroic breaking and entering and look for the package, but soon find while hiding it’s already in transit.. and had obvious bows on int. Whoops. Our heroes trie the old follow tha tcar bit and refreshingly, it dosen’t pan out as the guy stops and tells them to get out. A nice twist. Unable to follow, our heroes instead find launchpad lost, as his map is upside down

So Lena dares him if he can follow that plane, a nice bit of character for both. I will give Joe credit. While the dialouge’s a bit flat and there was that out of character moment.. for the most part he does nail the actual character down and does use it decently enough. He’s just not given enough page room or actual details to work with is all.

So while our heroes follow they end up having to crash as they run out of fuel.. lucky their with the expert but end up near home where the package is delivered to. Turns out this wasn’t a spy thing, this was just a thing with her aunt. That’s fine and a nice gag.. it’s just ruined by just sorta.. ending. Lena leaves disapointed and Beakly scolds webby for “playing spy” and she’s sad. That’s it that’s how it ends. Which dosen’t fit the characters, as while Beakly would defintely scold her, it just dosen’t FIT that she’d be that tearse or not appricate the effort or give her an actual lecture and it feels like Joe had no idea how to end this after the gag and just.. ended it.

Final Thoughts for Spies Likes Us: This was okay. It is a bit of a disappointment as for the only story not available.. i’ts just okay and not really above an average Ducktales comics story, with some nice character bits but feeling a bit weak overall, as do at least the first half of the idw comics. I haven’t read the later stuff to see if it got better. It’s worth a read if you like Webby and Lena as characters and it’s not BAD, it’s just not anything impressive and is a simple hyjinks filled misunderstanding story.

Dime After Dime:

So now we go back a bit to the original. I didn’t do these in chronological order because frankly, Dime after Dime is the better story of the two and the bigger one at that, so I have more to work with here. But the original also had comics and honestly from the few i’ve read much BETTER comics. I chalk this up to two things: The Ducktales 87 comics seem to have come out AFTER the series was already a hit, and since Ducktales is pretty close to the original uncle scrooge comics minus it’s own tweaks here and there, it’s easy enough to just write the stories like you would a regular uncle scrooge story, just with Webby and Launchpad added, whereas the idw writers were staffed with writing for all new versions of the characters with noticable differences without much to go on. It’s why to me with tie in comics you have two options: Wait long enough so you can put your story inbtween the episodes like the Steven Universe and Regular Show comics did or just make your own continuity entirely like the Adventure Time Comics and the Archie TMNT Adventures series did. The ONLY time i’ve seen a comic work like this is the Bravest Warriors comic, which had a talented writer and fit well enough in the margins until it sadly ended.. and honestly is BETTER in some cases than the series. I might get to it someday. The point is this comic shows why you need to have a deft hand adapting something instead of just falling your arms about and hoping it’ll work.

So today’s comic was part of some Disney Series called cartoon tales, which clearly repackaged comic stories from wherever, and put them together. I don’t know much about it and the only other issue avaliable collects the disney adventures adaptation of “Just Us Justice Ducks”, which I might cover at some point. This book does have two other stories which i’d be happy to do on comission or on my own at some point, one involving gladstone the other gizmoduck, but for now, i’m just sticking to the title story and the reason you all came here.

So we open with Magica gazing into her crystal ball from her Mt. Vesuvies base saying that Scrooge will never know what hit him I know exactly what and who wiil hit him thank you very much.

Scrooge is seeing Webby off to her first day of day camp, getting all teary eyed which is touching. Beakly apparently goes with her as the story never SAYS Sshe does but she’s not also not around when the story moves on, as Launchpad says it looks like rain. Scrooge dismisses him, though Launchpad turns out to be right. Scrooge had good reason for once though, instead of just being a dick good on you comic for making me not want to punch him in the face, trust me that is a high bar to clear with the scrooge comics, as the weather was fine just a minute ago. Naturally it was Magica All Along! Nothing scrooge can do now that eveyrthing has gone wrong! Her entrance though is sadly not a catchy earwormy tune, but .. this confusing line

I think your thinking of Gladstone. And he’s still single so.. have at that but no Scrooge is the one who values hard work over anything else and brags about THAT or being rich. I .. I don’t get this line and frankly I don’t want to. Even in stories where the dime is supernaturally lucky and the source of his wealth he dosen’t boast about it because he’s not stupid and dosen’t want everyone knowing how to bankrupt him instantly. This line will baffle me until I die, presumably, given my life’s tragetctory, after reviewing an episode of mighty ducks and slipping on some a jerky wrapper.

Scrooge asks what she wants...

No this isn’t that kind of story sadly. Her plan is to.. zap the bin with lightning and take the dime. Really just went with your first draft didn’t you magica? But as stupid as this plan is Scrooge has prepared for it. He installed a lightning rod on the bin to save on power, and to power his new super soaker traps. So all Magica did was save him money. She flies off and nothing is acomplished.

So we get back to Webby at the Teenie Weenie Day Camp.. and just so you don’t think that was a terrible joke on my part...

My theory for how this name got approved at all is the editor KNEW how that sounded and just wanted to see if Disney would actually print a comic with the phrase Teenie Weenie without getting what it means in slang or how hilariously inapproriate it is to namme a children’s camp after it.

Your probably wondering who that grown woman calling Webby a dweeb is. Well story wise, she’s SUPPOSED to be another kid at the camp around Webby’s age. In practice, she looks like THIS in closeup

So it looks and plays like a 30 year old woman snuck into the day camp and no one’s noticed she’s not actually a children. Or their just humoring her because she had a week to live. I don’t know. I do know she doesn’t get to judge on names.

Snippy Von Glitz, proof rich people really do hate their kids and this this comic is trying personally to give me material. Snippy is your average alpha bitch, taking a chair from Minma and being obnoxious and classist and all that jazz. Minima gets hers back by making the chair bouncy then returning it to normal so Snippy gets in trouble when she makes up things about the chair, with the lady in charge getting ready to call her Dad. You cannot convince me that her “Dad” is just what she calls her husband, this is how they both get off, and that the lady at the preschool only tolerates it because they pay her a lot and so far the kids haven’t noticed Snippy is 30. Webby likes minima finding her name pretty, proving that the ho yay is alive no matter the webby and magica relative, and Minma returns the favor by saving her from a block.

Minma is reluctant to make an actual friend, finding they aren’t worth anything and given most of the kids here apparently pick on her and her aunt is well.. Magica, it’s understandable why she’d be so cold. But Webby presses on and says something from Scrooge about friends. Which given Ducktales scrooge has none goes weird but it gets Minma to find out she knows and lives with Scrooge, so she cons webby into taking the dime for show and tell, showing that she can manipulate them with her powers, and that he won’t notice it’s missing, getting her with “I thought you wanted to be friends”

So let’s pause for a second and compare and contrast the two: Both are the niece, or at least sorta in Lena’s case, of Magica, both manipulate webby, and both are her first real friend: The 87 boys are little monsters and I don’t consider them friends or even brothers, while the 2017 ones are just that: brothers. Their her siblings in all but blood, not friends and have hteir own long complicated history.

But otherwise the two are vastly different. Lena is a far more complex character as she’s been abused her whole life, is a rebel because Magica hardly gave her agency, and while she starts wooing webby out of self interest it’s clear even as far as the first episode she cares. Lena would gladly be part of the world if she could and this whole scheme is to gain that choice.

Minma is still sympathetic but very different: She walls herself off because the other kids laugh and mock her for being herself and lashes out at them.. not unreasonably mind , but still feeling she needs no one else.. but as we’ll learn later she’s only helping Magica to finally feel accepted, to get all the fancy clothes and stuff that will make her popular instead of that grown woman masquerading as a kid for disturbing reasons. Minma is at her heart just a hurt kid desperate to fit in. And while Lena shares the desire for a place to belong.. it’s at it’s core much sadder. Lena.. wants a family. Someone to love her and to care about her and actually look after her. Minma has that she just wants to be loved. it’s similar but very diffrent and I can see why Lena evolved into what she did, as Frank and Matt ended up going in a far darker but ultimately more interesting direction. Minima is not a bad character at all though and without her I don’t think we would’ve had Lena, but at the end of the day the 87verse is just not that complicated, so the reboot needed something more and that more evolved into who we have now.

Both kids excitedly talk about their new friends, with their respective guardians being distracted. Scrooge is distracted by the fact his car is a bit bumpy and Launchpad offers to fix it up for free with some parts from a buddy, which given the sentence “This won’t cost you anything” makes him erect, Scrooge agrees. Magica meanwhile, whose watching Minima while her mom is away which raises a LOT of questions we don’t have time for like who she is, is she’s poes wife or does Magica have other siblings... it’s a lot of questions we’re never going to get answers to.

The next day Webby got the dime easy as Scrooge was distracted. so Minima swaps them while she’s distracted. But while swiping it was easy, which to be fair Webby is likely approved in his security so it woudln’t match her.. or the story just needed to progress. You make the call.

Magica does the logical thing and goes and get sthe dime and the story ends there.. and i’m shitting you, she of course brags to scrooge, reveals minima as her spy, and offers to RACE him for it shortly after he realizes he has a fake.

The only major flaw in this story is Magica’s overconfdience, which isn’t BAD persay, but here has gotten to dumbass proportions. She just can’t plan for anything and a CHILD has a better plan than her that only dosen’t work for reasons we’ll get to. And that plan is almost ruined by Magica taunting scrooge!

So a race is on but Launchpad has transformed Scrooge’s old Model T into this

Damn that’s cool. Scrooge of course dosen’t like it, but honestly you get what you paid for. Oh that’s right you paid nothing for something you NEED to use every day for transportation.

At the rickity thickity bridge, Steve Buschemi’s worst roll and her minion ask Webby to roll with them and Minima mistakes this for betrayal planning to soak them all.. only for Webby to DEFEND HER, pointing out minma’s her friend, how she dresses is fine and she loves her no matter what.. the last part’s implied. The 30-year old asshole and her minon leave Webby and Minma is genuinely touched, as no one’s done that for her before. She put up so many walls... she didn’t realize someone could ACTUALLY care about her, so obessed with thinking she had to be like that soccer mom in preschoolers clothing, she just had to be herself: kinda werid but in that fun adams family way. Webby says she knows Minma would do the same.. so while she prepares to let’s get back to the race. Magica realizes Launchpad’s roadster is actually gaining and spreads some tacks, but Scrooge counters with some money.. because of course he has a lot of money in the trunk. But Magica takes out the bridge and while scrooge awesomely JUMPS IT... he’s still too late.

As you probably guess though, Minima had a change of heart, and gave Webby the real dime back, and Scrooge confirms it. Minima TRIES to tell Magica, and Magica is horrified her niece is a goody goody “I”ll never hear the end of it at my astral aerobics class”.. I.. I want to see that. Let’s raise those spirit ladies and kick kick that soul, doge that shadow king punch them in the soul. Yes! Now eat it eat it and absorb it’s power!

We end on a button joke as Webby apologizes for taking the dime., Scrooge accepts it and Webby tells them magica learned to carpet and they gulp for some reason.

Final Thoughts on Dime after Dime: This story was decent. It has problems, some jokes don’t land and Magica is made horribly incompetent, but minima’s character arc is endearing, and Webby herself is precious as always and her winning Minima over feels genuine. And Scrooge is in prime adoring uncle mode with her and i’ts just so cute. And the roadster race is pretty awesome to watch honestly. It’s an exceptional and enjoyable tie in story.. and not the last ducktales 87 story we’ll be covering here. Wink wonk.

Next Time: Things get DARK as Lena and Webby head into the depths of Scrooge’s hidden bin and Lena heads into the depths of her own soul.

Tommorow: Woo-Ooo mofos as we go back to the very beginning of the reboot! A family restored, a lost city to explore, and a glomgold rises! Be here or be square.

#ducktales #ducktales 1987 #webbigail vanderquack #lena saberwing #weblena #minima de spell #magica de spell #bentina beakly #launchpad mcquack #scrooge mcduck #dime after dime #spies like us #idw #comics #animation #shadow into light

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callmebrycelee · 4 years

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Album Review: Confetti by Little Mix

During one of the bleakest years in human history, Little Mix has delivered us pure joy and happiness in the form of their sixth studio album: CONFETTI. I became a fan of Little Mix, a Mixer is what we’re called, a few years ago when I clicked on one of my coworker’s Spotify playlists. The first song of theirs I can recall listening to is “F.U.” from their fourth album Glory Days. After looking up their other albums I then ventured over to YouTube so I could watch a few of their music videos. I instantly fell in love with the choreo-heavy “Touch” and the slumber party-themed “Hair”. I then started looking at their live performances and I was blown away. For me, Little Mix is everything I ever wanted out of Fifth Harmony. Now before I get some hate, Fifth Harmony is/was a great pop group and without them we wouldn’t have Normani, but whereas some of the girls in Fifth Harmony are/were more vocally talented than others, each of the members of Little Mix - Jade, Jesy, Leigh-Anne and Perrie - have amazing voices and those voices blend together so perfectly.

I’m so glad I discovered Little Mix when I did because it gave me enough time to binge their albums, music videos and live performances just in time for their fifth studio album LM5 to drop. If I had to rank the albums prior to CONFETTI, LM5 would definitely be at the top of my list. Realistically-speaking, the album didn’t perform as well as their other albums but the album is damn near perfect in my opinion. I then later learned the girls were going through a separation with their then-record label Syco which is a major factor in why the album didn’t perform as well as it could.

CONFETTI is Little Mix’s first album since leaving Syco so many of us were very much looking forward to what the girls were going to deliver without having Simon Cowell standing on their neck. Our first taste of a newly emancipated Little Mix came in the form of the 80′s-inspired “Break Up Song”. They released their second single “Holiday” in the middle of the summer and their third single “Sweet Melody” was released a few weeks ahead of the album’s November 6 release. Being in the United States, I stayed up past midnight so I can listen to the album and since it’s release it’s been in heavy rotation on Spotify. I thought it would be fun to review the album and rate each of the tracks. There are 13 tracks on CONFETTI and I will be giving my thoughts on each track as well as a score based on a scale of 10. For those of you reading this, keep in mind, I am one of way too many Little Mix fans to count so if there are tracks that you like that I do not rate as high, just remember this is my opinion so forgive me, HAHA. Without further ado, here’s my review of CONFETTI:

BREAK UP SONG: The first track on the album is also the album’s first single. Break Up Song is not only a total vibe, it’s a total 80s vibe. I was delightfully surprised when Little Mix released this song earlier this year. I love that this song is yet another reminder of just how freakin’ talented these ladies are. My favorite part of the track is Jade’s bridge towards the end of the song. The song is bright and fun and I simply cannot resist busting out some serious 80s dance moves every time the song comes on. Rating: 10/10

HOLIDAY: While Break Up Song gives up 80s pop vibes, Holiday sticks its toes in the contemporary pop pool. It makes sense that this song was released smack dab in the middle of the summer because it is the perfect summer jam. I especially love the accompanying music video which features the girls luxuriating in a spa somewhere on the moon or maybe Mars. It’s sugary and sweet and just like Break Up Song it’s one of those songs you can’t resist dancing to. It should be noted Holiday is the second single off of CONFETTI and it is one of my top 3 favorite tracks off the album. Rating: 10/10

SWEET MELODY: When I first heard the reggaeton-infused Sweet Melody, my initial reaction was meh. Thank God I listened to the song again ... and again ... and again ... because on the second, third and fourth listening, I realized just how truly epic this song is. The lyrics are quite brilliant with my favorite being the Perrie-led second verse: “He would lie, he would cheat, over syncopated beats.” Not only is the song a banger, the music video is one of the best visuals Little Mix has ever released. The choreography is fire and you can tell they put their blood, sweat, tears and spinal cord into their dancing. Sweet Melody is my favorite track on CONFETTI. Rating: 10/10

CONFETTI: Prior to the release of CONFETTI, this track was made available. This song gives me late-90s/early-2000s R&B vibes and I quite enjoy it. It doesn’t hit as nearly as hard as Sweet Melody but this is yet another song I can picture being played in a club. If Little Mix releases any more singles from this album, which I believe they should, I think Confetti is a strong contender. I imagine the music video will be very heavy on the choreo. Rating: 9/10

HAPPINESS: Category Is: Songs That Could Have Been Released By Britney Spears in the Early 2000s. Happiness is yet another track that was released ahead of the album. Unlike the first three tracks of the album which are very much songs about relationships, past and present, Happiness is the self-empowerment anthem we never knew we needed, especially in the year of our Lord 2020. Happiness is a splashy pop song but it doesn’t elicit the strong emotions I felt when listening to Break Up Song or Sweet Melody. Rating: 9/10

NOT A PROP SONG: One of the things I like about Little Mix is every so often they’ll release an acoustic version of their popular songs, i.e., Black Magic, Touch, Holiday. This song is acoustic rock and it is not a sound I was ever expecting from Little Mix. If there was a sequel to National Manthem, it would be Not a Pop Song. I like to think of this as Little Mix’s emancipation proclamation after fleeing the clutches of one Simon Cowell. My favorite lyric from the song is in the chorus: “No more singing songs bout breaking my heart or my lonely nights dancing in the dark.” I absolutely adore this song and it gives me early Kelly Clarkson vibes. Rating: 10/10

NOTHING BUT MY FEELINGS: This song from beginning to end is an absolute treat. I love how lowkey the song starts off and after the chorus, you assume the song is going to keep amping up but at the start of the second verse it goes back to being lowkey again. I love a song that keeps me guessing. I especially love the theme of the song, the struggle of wanting to keep things super casual with someone when deep down you are developing strong feelings for them even though you know you shouldn’t. If there was any doubt the ladies of Little Mix are not grown, this is proof. Rating: 9/10

GLOVES UP: One thing I like doing whenever a new album by one of my favorite artists is released is heading over to YouTube and watching people’s reaction the albums. It seem likes Gloves Up is a favorite off of this album and I just don’t get it. I don’t like to skip tracks, especially on Little Mix albums, but admittedly this is the one I’m tempted to skip when I’m listening to CONFETTI. I like the message but the song is a bit cliché. I hope that repeatedly listening of this track will make me like it, especially since I have a very strong feeling this is going to end up being a single. Rating: 6/10

A MESS (HAPPY 4 U): If Break Up Song had a sequel it would be this track. I love the lyrics and I love the instrumentation. It’s a gorgeous track and again something unexpected from Little Mix. I love Jade’s falsetto on this track. Rating: 9/10

MY LOVE WON’T LET YOU DOWN: I feel like in addition to giving us great dance bops, Little Mix also delivers when it comes to ballads. The gospel-tinged My Love Won’t Let You Down is absolutely gorgeous and will be the perfect closing song on one of their tours. There are Little Mix songs where I think, wow, I’d love to see what the music video would look like and then there are Little Mix songs where I think, wow, I’d love to see how they’d perform this. This track is definitely of the latter variety. All four of our queen’s vocals are on point. Rating: 10/10

RENDEZVOUS: Remember how I said there are three songs on this album that are my favorite? Sweet Melody is my fave track on the album and Rendezvous is my second-favorite. Rendezvous is sexy and sleek and reminds me of something Ciara would’ve released early on in her career. I also love that it samples the song Sway. I cannot wait to see how they perform this song on tour and I would love for this to be a future single because I would love to see Little Mix turn up the sex on one of their songs. This song reminds me of Notice for some reason from LM5. When Little Mix does sexy, the do sexy right! Rating: 10/10

IF YOU WANT MY LOVE: Like Gloves Up, If You Want My Love is another meh track on this album which sucks because it’s literally sandwiched between two perfect songs on the album. Perhaps this is another one I’ll have to keep listening to in hopes that it will grow on me. Right now I’m feeling pretty blasé about the track. Rating: 6/10

BREATHE: Yay! We get not just one ballad on CONFETTI but two! This is the perfect close to a pretty awesome Little Mix album. I’m happy to report the album ends as strong as it begins. Of the two ballads, I prefer My Love Won’t Let You Down but that shouldn’t suggest I don’t like this song. I love it and it’s another one I’d love to see performed live. Rating: 10/10

ALBUM OVERALL RATING: 9

#little mix #confetti #little mix confetti #break up song #not a pop song #sweet melody #nothing but my feelings #jade thirlwall #jesy nelson #leigh anne pinnock #perrie edwards #album review #lm5 #black magic #touch #gloves up #rendezvous

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buckysbest · 4 years

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CHAPTER FIVE: TEETH PAIRING: ex!Bucky barnes x reader Warnings: swearing, cheating, scandal?, lewd drunkenness, lies, a bit of steaminess near the end Series Summary: Bucky realizes one can only run from their problems for so long before they must returns home but he sure as hell wasn’t expecting her to be there when he did. Word Count: 1.5k A/N: this series is based off the album “calm” by 5sos. if you want to follow along in the album, listen to Teeth while reading this! Thanks for supporting the series! I really love you guys! Let me know what you think of the series!

series masterlist // masterlist

Rays of early morning sunlight filtered into your room as your eyes slowly opened. You groaned, flipping over and burying your head into your pillows.

“Friday… could you let Max know I need some aspirin?”

Her loud British voice rang off the walls that encased you in your room, “Absolutely Ms.Y/N. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”

“Anyway you could also decrease your volume and let Max know to enter quietly please?” you grumbled as the pounding in your head grew heavier.

Moments later, the door slowly creaked open and your side of the bed lowered slightly. Surprisingly, it was Wanda's sweet voice that entered your ears, “Hey girl, how are you feeling?”

“I won’t lie, not great,” you murmured. “Anyway you could close up those blinds for me?”

When the golden rays stopped their merciless battle to enter your eyes, you were finally to reveal your face. As you sat up, your hands immediately found your head. “Wanda, what the hell happened last night?” you quietly chuckled.

“I wish I could tell you babe. When I came back to the bar to get you, you were gone,” she paused before handing you a cup. “Here drink this, Tony swears by it”

Now holding a green blend of god knows what, you leaned into Wanda muttering small tokens of appreciation before chugging the liquid and standing up. Wanda said goodbye as you entered the bathroom. You stripped away your dress from the night before and let the warm water rush over your sore limbs. After washing away the sweat and dirt from the previous night, you stepped out of the shower and wrapped yourself in a wonderfully fluffy towel. You then leaned over the sink, collecting your toothbrush. After brushing your teeth, you glanced up into the mirror and a small purple circle on your neck caught your attention. Once again, a groan left your mouth. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Re-entering your room, you slid on a pair of ripped, high waisted jeans that hugged your body flawlessly before searching for your S.H.I.E.L.D crop top. After spotting it between two other grey tops, you threw it on before beginning the search for your earrings from last night. A gift given from Pepper on your last birthday, they were practically a staple in your fashion. You unmade your bed, looking through the sheets and pillows before sliding to your knees and doing a sweep underneath your bed. Much to your satisfaction, you retrieved your earrings, but with them you also received a black tie. This made your goal for the day abundantly clear, you needed to figure out what happened last night.

You found a seat at your vanity, deciding to add a few touches of makeup to cover up the circles under your eyes and the hickey you now sported on your neck. As you added the last bit of concealer to your neck, a quiet knock sounded from your door.

“Come in!” you shouted, moving on to the area under your eyes. The door opened and you glanced over to the door. It’s Bucky? Your eyes widened for a moment as you glanced from the tie, to your newly covered hickey, then back to your suddenly very very handsome ex-boyfriend. No freakin’ way...

“Hey… I just wanted to come check on you… you were in rough shape last night,” he chuckled nervously, leaning into your doorframe.

“Y-yeah.. I’m ok, I just don’t remember anything,” you mumbled cautiously,

Relief raked through his body for a moment before he fully entered your room, taking a seat at the edge of your bed,“I meant to come check on you but you disappeared before I could”

This confession both relieved and disappointed you. Of course he wouldn't do anything with you, he probably was with his GIRLFRIEND all night.

You turned back to the mirror and added your lipgloss, apparently piquing the interest of the sergeant. His eyes tracked every movement of the wand that grazed over your lips. As your eyes met his, a small smirk came to his face. His eyes then dropped toward the ground before grabbing the takeout box beside him. “I grabbed your favorite breakfast from that cafe Hannah’s you always loved. I figured it could be a peace offering?” he smiled warmly, walking over and placing the food on the counter beside you.

A hazy blush rose to the surface of your cheeks as you returned his smile. “Thanks Bucky…”

He nodded in response before heading toward the door. With hesitation in his every step, he stopped directly under the doorframe and turned back. “Y/N…” You peered over your shoulder once again, this time a more welcoming smile held on your face. “Actually never mind...I’ll see you at review today”

As his figure ducked around the door, you turned back to your mirror with a smile and added the final touches to your makeup.

•••

You jogged down the stairs into the main corridor of the training facility, locking eyes with a certain blonde super-soldier.

When you found a spot next to him in the entryway, he pulled you into a small hug.“Morning Y/N!”

“Hey Stevie,” you giggled. “So they stuck you with evaluation too?”

His playful gaze fell just over your head before returning to your face, “Yeah, me and this jerk,” he laughed.

Your eyes met with Bucky as he walked down the staircase with his girlfriend in tow. You took a deep breath before deciding your fate. You were too old for this childish moping and now that Bucky had buried the hatchet, it was time for you to do the same.

“Good Morning Sergeant Barnes,” you smiled, before turning your attention to the girl at his side. Extending your arm, your warm smile continued in her direction, “Hi, I’m Y/N. I don’t believe we’ve formally met.”

“Hi, Camilla.” she reached out shaking your hand.

“It’s great to finally meet you.” You said before turning your attention back to a semi-surprised Steve, “Wanna go grab our forms?”

Bucky spoke up behind you, “Hey, I’ll come with! Mila, I’ll catch up with you after training,” he explained before jogging to catch up with you guys.

As you passed the new recruits who lined the training center walls, you laughed at the attention the two huge men gathered in the room. Steve turned down to you at the sound. “And what exactly is so funny?” he inquired playfully.

“Everyone in this room is staring at you like you're the second coming” you giggled.

You missed Steve’s response because Bucky chuckled before leaning down into your ear and whispering, “trust me... they aren't staring at us…” before returning to the eval forms he had been sorting through. A deep blush gathered on your face as you tried to refocus yourself on Steve’s words.

He eventually split from you and Bucky, as he was assigned to the observation deck and you were both assigned to the course. A calm swept over you as the tension that once held you and Bucky seemed to fall away. It was relieving that today, the smiles on your face were genuine and not a product of false projection.

The trainees eventually made their way through the obstacle course as you and Bucky sat on a bench next to it, jotting down notes and cracking jokes about them. His laugh washed over you again and again, eventually cleansing you of any resentment you held against him. As the exercises ended, the sun sank into the horizon, leaving you and Bucky to watch the final round of recruits.

“Why am I kinda disappointed it's over?” he laughed, causing you to chuckle in agreement. He rose off the bench turning to you to help you up before pausing, “Wait a sec, your shoes untied. Let me get it for you.” He crouched down and quickly tied the laces before peering up at you. As his eyes met yours, a strange sense of deja vu flooded you before the memories from last night crashed into your head like a tsunami.

•••

As your lips met his for the first time in a year and a half, the floor seemed to collapse beneath you. The kiss was anything but sweet as the combination of alcohol and desperation swept through your veins. You snaked your fingers up his neck and into his hair as his lips found the side of your neck. A smothered groan came from his mouth as your delicate fingers played with his hair, distracting him enough for you to turn him around. With his back now to the mattress, you pushed him down onto the mattress. Your legs straddled his waist and you pulled off his tie before reconnecting your lips with even more fire. His hands ran up your thighs before coming to a halt at your hips. Hesitantly, he raised his shaking hands to your face. He rested his forehead on yours, ultimately disconnecting your lips. A small whine left your lips as he scanned over your wide eyes and childish pout. “What’s wrong Buck?”

Gently rolling you over, he sighed, “You are very, very drunk Y/N.. “

You tried to insist you were fine but you were quickly disproven as you fell asleep almost the instant your head hit the pillow.

•••

The blush that sat on your face sank deep into your skin as you lost your color. Bucky took note of your sudden change and concern captained his face. “Y/N… you ok?”

“Bucky...Y-you lied to me?”

#marvel x reader #marvel #marvel bucky barnes #marvel fanfiction #marvel series #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #self insert #x reader

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greekmythstoldbyanasshole · 6 years

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Odysseus

So first off, we’re going to talk about Odysseus. Odysseus was like that smart, but weasely guy you know. The kind of guy who is great to have around if you need to find a way to sneak out of a bad blind date, but also the kind of guy who cheats on his wife while she’s sitting at home literally turning away handsome and rich guys left and right.

But I digress.

So, Odysseus was on his way back from the Trojan War on his way home to Ithaca. The place, not the college. At this point, his ego must have been huge, since he created the entire field of hacking when he designed the original Trojan Horse.

After leaving Troy, Odysseus and his buddies were looking for a place to stop and chill out for a bit. I mean, I probably would have just grabbed a couple of Red Bulls and tried to power through until I got home, but that’s just me. They eventually found an island and thought, “This island probably isn’t full of monsters, so that’s cool.”

Island was totally full of monsters. It held the terrible Cyclopes, known for horrendous things like living in caves, eschewing government (and law) and grouwing crops from rain personally sprinkled by Zeus. Seriously? This is the description that these guys get? They’re horrible because they are special farmers who live in caves and fuck with the government? They’re only a few steps away from being a US Senator.

Odysseus, feeling like Jesus, took 12 of his guys with him to do some ‘splorin’. He told everyone else to stay on board and remain at the ready at their oars, to which I’m sure the not-cool-enough-to-be-a-part-of-the-landing-party guys gave a very convincing nod and said, “Ya, we’re totally going to do that.”

O-dawg and crew then saw a cyclops and decided that the best course of action would be to follow the fucker while holding a wineskin full of specifically unmixed wine. None of that “Barefoot Red Blend” bullshit.

Ok, so at the beginning of the story, I know I said that Odysseus was super smart, but the following tidbit makes him seem like a bit of a moron. He took one look at the big, ugly, Fox News Conspiracy touting Cyclopes and was like, “It’s customary for all Greeks to be, like, super inviting hosts, who give out sweet gifts to their guests. I’m sure these guys will be like that and not murder us in their caves or anything.”

Then, like a normal Air BnB guest, Odysseus waited in the bushes until the cylops started tending to his sheep, and then snuck into his house.

When they got into the cave, everyone started bitching about how musty and cluttered it was, as if they hadn’t just broken in hoping for free shit. There were baskets full of cheese and animal pens full of lambs and little baby goats, who were hopefully weraing those little pajamas like you always see on Facebook. The cyclops had made a bed out of willow branches because Ikea hadn’t been invented yet.

After a while, Odysseus’s homeboys started getting nervous about the whole, “breaking and entering” thing, so they suggested some light robbery.

“Why don’t we just take some cheese and leave?” They asked, like dicks, “We can always come back later for some lambs.”

Odysseus decided to take the moral high ground. He packed up their things, left a nice tip and a detailed review, got back on his ship and sailed home.

Just kidding. He acted like a baby.

“They’re supposed to give us a gift because we’re their guests,” he pouted, knowing full well the difference between an intruder and a guest. He also had a name! How great. His name was Polyphemus, which definitely doesn’t sound like a sexuality.

So Polyphemus came back to his house and had his sheep with him (like a normal person), rolled his rock-door into place and then milked his sheep. When he was done, he realized that there were 13 strange men in his cave. Not one to judge, but what kind of life does Polyphemus lead that he doesn’t notice 13 random guys in his house? Just how into milking his sheep does he get? Also, what were Odysseus and his crew doing while they were waiting? Politely coughing to let him know that people were watching? There are so many questions.

When Polyphemus finally got around to talkking to them, he said, “Who the hell are you guys? Like, pirates? Or what?”

Odysseus, super pumped to get his weird guest-gift, said, “We’re Achaen soldiers. We were just fighting in Troy, but we got blown off course, so now we’re here by Fate. We’re in your cave because Zeus says that hosts should give their guests gifts...so...you know...”

“Dumbass,” Polyphemus retorted, “We’re Cyclopes, bruh. We don’t care about Zeus’s laws. We helped him defeat the Titans, so now he waters our plants. He’s essentially our sprinkler system. But,” he continued, “I do care about something. Where did you land your ship?”

As soon as Polyphemus said this, all of Odysseus’s men were probably like, “Fuck. We’re probably not getting that god-damned gift basket.”

Odysseus, though, being the king of thinky-thinky said, “We don’t have a ship. Poseidon decided to smash it against some rocks. We are the only survivors.”

Suddenly, Polyphemus remembered that he hated the number 13, so he grabbed the 2 nearest guys to him, smashed their heads against the wall, and then fucking helped himself to a nice meal.

Cyclops Cave Air Bnb:

We got some free cheese and the goat yoga was fantastic, but the host fucking ate my cousin. 2/5 stars

After that, the cyclops laid down on his sad excuse for a bed and went to sleep.

After apparently just hanging out while his buddies got devoured, Odysseus pulled his sword out of his ass and charged headlong at Polyphemus. However, he paused halfway down the cave as soon as he remembered that there was a big-ass rock blocking the doorway. Remembering that he was better at verbal jousting than physical activity, Odysseus put down his sword to think up a plan.

After waking up, the giant strolled over to his kitchen, cracked 2 eggs and made himself an omelette. Only, instead of eggs, it was men. Because this guy is just terrible.

After this, Polyphemus led his sheep out to pasture, and rolled the stone back into place, because everyone in this story is a dick.

At this point, Odysseus’s men start to cry, which is the first reasonable reaction anyone has had up until this point. Meanwhile, Odysseus decided to try something useful for a change. Among his weird collection of things, Polyphemus had a “hug olive wood log” which was “definitely not a dildo.” Odysseus told his men to sharpen the log and then harden it in the fire.

When Polyphemus got back, he milked his sheep and then ate some Panda Express while watching Ellen. Nah, he ate more guys.

After the cyclops was done eating, Odysseus gave him some of that crazy, unmixed wine. Which was apparently a big deal because, apparently back then, everyone would lose a drinking competition to a college girl named Amanda who passes out after 1 1/2 Bacardi Breezers. Anyways, Polyphemus downed it.

“You know,” the cyclops slurred, “If you tell me your name, I’ll give you a gift.”

At this, Odysseus got a guest-gift hard-on. It didn’t matter that literally half of his men died, he was going to get some decorative bath soap. Odysseus just smiled like a sleazeball while pouring more wine. Not yet having gotten the spins, Polyphemus continued drinking. This whole cycle repeated itself again, and not until the cyclops was good and wasted did Odysseus say,

“You want to know my name? My name is Nobody. That’s definitely what everyone calls me. Nobody. I would tell you to ask my buddy over there to vouch for me, but you fucking ate him.”

Accepting this to be as normal of a name as Polyphemus, Polyphemus said, “Well, Nobody, here’s your gift: I’ll eat you last!”

At this, the cyclops laughed so hard that he threw up the wine and human bits, and then passed out in all of that.

Gross.

Without a moment to lose, Odysseus and his men pulled the log “out of hiding,” whatever that means, and stuck it in the fire until it was as red-hot as early 2000′s Ricky Martin. The men took the flaming rod and jammed it into the cyclops’ eye hole. Since he had killed all their buddies, they made sure to wiggle it all around and keep it there until his blood boiled out of the socket.

Gross.

Meanwhile, Polyphemus was understandably freaking the fuck out. He was causing such a hubbub that all of the nearby cyclopes came over to see what all the yelling was about.

“Dammit, Polyphemus, what is wrong? Surely nobody is killing you by force or treachery?” they asked, apparently unaware of all the strapping young men in the cave.

Polyphemus screamed, “Yes! Nobody is killing me by force and treachery!”

Apparently fed up with his sarcastic-ass answers, the other cyclopes said, “Ok, man. Whatever. If you are alone and screaming like that, you must be crazy. Try praying to Poseidon to cure your womanly hysteria.” And, without opening the door like decent friends, you know, to see if he was actually ok, the cyclopes just left. “Eh, he’ll be fine.”

Hearing all of his definitely-not-getting-Christmas-presents-this-year friends leave, Polyphemus screamed. He shoved the boulder out of the way and stood in the opening, ready to catch any shithead who tried to escape. However, Odysseus weren’t no bitch.

Later that night, after the cyclops had put in his earplugs or something, Odysseus stole some branches from the branchopedic bed and used the branches to tie groups of 3 sheep together. He did this just enough times so that each of his buddies would have a 3 sheep luxury package, but not enough for him, because he was an arrogant motherfucker.

After tying the three sheep together, he told his crew to each grab on to the belly of a sheep, which, I guess, were huge? Odysseus took the biggest ram for himself (phrasing) and held on.

Instead of waiting until, like, 5 o’clock in the morning to grab some sheep, the poor suckers spent the whole night hanging upside down. When the sun finally rose, Polyphemus let his sheepies out to play. As the sheep went by their blind master, he tapped each one on the back to make sure no one was escaping. The following is how I picture that scene to have played out:

*pat pat*

“Hmm, this is weird. 3 of my sheep must have gotten tangled in my bed and got stuck together. I’ll deal with that later. Next!”

*pat pat*

“God, my sheep are dumb today. 3 more sheep are stuck together. Good thing I’m patting these sheep down for escaping prisoners, or I might think someone was up to something.”

*pat pat*

Odysseus and his big ram *wink wink* were the last to leave. As it came near the cave’s entrance, Polyphemus put on his Border Patrol cap and stopped the ram.

“My old buddy,” Polyphemus said to the ram, probably while looking in the wrong direction, “why are you in the back today? You usually lead the group. Maybe you feel bad that daddykins got blinded by that big, mean bully, Nobody? And he got me drunk! Rude. I’m sure if you could talk, you would tell me where he is hiding.”

But he couldn’t talk, because he was a ram, and that would not be logical. Like the rest of the story.

Odysseus had a mild panic attack when Polyphemus *pat pat*ed his ram down, before it waddled over to its friends in the pasture.

When all the sheep had gone far enough away from the cave, Odysseus and his men released themselves from the sheep. Can you imagine how badly their arms must have hurt at that point? I mean, I sometimes need to take a break when I’m straightening my hair, and that takes, like, 8 minutes. Tops.

After getting off the sheep with jello-for-arms, they grabbed a bunch of lambs (with their mouths?) and hauled ass down the mountain. When he finally reached his ship, Odysseus, being an arrogant moron, turned around and yelled, “You! The guy who was a dick and ate your guests, the ones who totally didn’t sneak into your shitty cave, I hope you enjoy the punishment Zeus has in store for you!”

Polyphemus, the guy who didn’t just hear the whole sheep plan, nor the sheep yoking, nor the lamb stealing, heard this taunt from forever away on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Pissed, he grabbed a piece of the mountain and threw it at the ship. It’s a whole new level of angry to rip off, and then throw, a piece of mountain. The piece of mountain grazed the ship, which resulted in a mini tsunami. This pushed Odysseus back into the shore. His crew frantically pushed the boat back out, where they doubled the distance they had before. Odysseus was about to call out to the cyclops again, but his crew told him to shut the hell up and be glad that they had escaped. However, Odysseus was mad and arrogant, and Twitter didn’t have the balls to block his account, even with all the racism and threats of nuclear war, so he yelled again.

“Cyclops! If anyone asks you who blinded you, you can tell them it was Odysseus of Ithaca!”

Hearing this, Polyphemus remembered a prophesy he’d heard about the Boy Who Lived. No, not that one. About Odysseus. He prayed to Poseidon in the style of Veruca Salt, if Veruca Salt had become a dictator.

“Don’t let Odysseus make it home! Actually, no. Let him go home, but all his friends die! And...it takes forever! And when he gets there, there’s a whole bunch of shit going on! And make his lawyer get arrested for paying off a prostitute! And kill his hamster!”

After praying/bitching, Polyphemus threw another mountain chunk at Odysseus. This throw also resulted in a mini tsunami that pushed his boat to shore. This time, however, it pushed the boat towards the rest of Odysseus’s fleet, which apparently existed. Instead of booking it, the men decided that right then was the best time for a gyro, so they ate a feast of the lambs they had stolen and drank DILUTED wine. When the sun rose the next morning, they took sail. They were happy to be alive, but also really sad about the guys who had been turned into BK’s Chicken Fries.

But, the fun was just beginning because Poseidon was pissed.

#odysseus #trojan war #greek mythology #poseidon #odyssey #funny

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #4 (1978)

Elrod! So soon? Be still my quivering loins!

I may not have understood a lot of Dave Sim's historical references when I read began reading this series in my early twenties but I sure as hell got all of his Looney Tunes references! I read the Elric books the summer after my first year of college. I was eighteen. I would have begun reading Cerebus a year or two later. I was definitely reading it by 1992 when I was volunteering with the Santa Clara Junior Theater helping backstage because I passed the first Cerebus phone book around to anybody I could convince to read it by telling them about the characters stowing away on a ship and hiding in some barrels where one of the characters says, "Nobody here but us mice!" and Elrod pipes up with, "Squeak, I say, squeak!" Goddammit that still makes me chuckle. That was my long-winded and autobiographical way of saying that I understood the Elrod/Elric parody! I sometimes think of the first 25 issues of Cerebus as being less than the rest of the series. I suppose because they're a lot of individual stories coming just before the huge 25 issue High Society story arc, they can seem trifling and inconsequential. But we're only on Issue #4 and we've already been introduced to Red Sophia and Elrod of Melvinbone, two of the series most iconic characters. And examples of what Dave Sim does so well: characterization, parody, and mimicry. Sure, Red Sophia is basically just an exaggerated mash-up of Red Sonja and Pepé Le Pew. Of course, Elrod is just a blend of Elric and Foghorn Leghorn (mostly Foghorn Leghorn with an outer glaze of Elric). But he does their voices so well and makes them completely his own, fitting their foibles and eccentricities into Cerebus's world. And Dave Sim is funny. He can be absolutely hilarious. And is it next issue already that we'll get The Roach (it is not. Next issue is Bran Mac Muffin!)? I mean, can you name a comic book that got off the starting block faster without any actual planning?! Deni Loubert announces that she and Dave have moved in "A Note from the Publisher" and not much else. Well, she does exclaim how she forgot to write her editorial. I'm getting the feeling she doesn't really give a shit about these notes and just wants to get on with the real work of getting the stupid comic distributed. In his Swords of Cerebus essay, Dave Sim admits to having never read an Elric story so I guess I probably never had to bother with it either! Although knowing the author's name, Michael Moorcock, helped score some pretty good points in Scattergories on occasion. Speaking of Scattergories and not Cerebus, I once played the game with Sam Adams (ex-Portland Mayor and also my Uncle-in-Law. He also played the assistant to Kyle MacLachlan's Portland Mayor in Portlandia). The category was "type of dance" and the letter rolled was an "L". So my answer was "Lap". Sam sneered and said, "Classy." At least it scored me points and I didn't have to cheat the way Sam and his mom did! That was the Brush with Greatness story I would have told on David Letterman if time and experiences and space were different.

I realize a lot of you are living your worst online life because you view everything on a phone so, really, don't bother trying to read this. Although maybe it's actually easier to increase the size of on a phone! Stupid laptop. I hate you now!

In this essay, Dave Sim mentions how someday he's going to write an issue with Elrod, Lord Julius, and Cerebus locked in a closet. I'm pretty sure that eventual story is the one I mentioned earlier about the mice. I believe the story takes place between High Society and Church & State, maybe Issue #50/51 or something weird like that? When they're fleeing Iest after Cerebus's run as Prime Minister ends? Anyway, it was a great idea and a well executed and hilarious sketch. The issue begins with some guy dying mysteriously to some cursed gem he stole. But never mind his story. It's over and it probably wasn't very interesting anyway. The gem, however, continues on until it winds up in Cerebus's clutches. Cerebus has arrived in Serrea to spend the last of his gold (remember, he never keeps his riches for long) gambling and drinking apricot brandy. I called it Peach Schnapps in a previous review because, have I mentioned, my memory is utter shite? This is also the first appearance of Cerebus's vest. Dave Sim says so in that essay I scanned. But I'm sure I would have commented on it without the prompt because he's so fucking adorable. Plus his snout is nearly to its regular shape and size. That means he's maturing into an adult Earth Pig. After picking up the gem, some strange shit begins to go down.

Cerebus could have been meeting the stripper love of his life but instead he's battling weird magic figments of his imagination.

Remember that thing about my terrible memory? I can't remember if Death was an imaginary character brought on by the aardvark's strangeness mixed with the gem's magic. But I do remember Elrod was some kind of illusion created by this confluence of events. One of the saddest moments in this entire series for me was when Elrod blinks out of existence. I can't say how long I was in denial about that but, month after month, I kept hoping that he'd come back in another of Dave's retcons to make sense of past stories that didn't fit his vision of Cerebus's current world and story. I kept hoping that a bedraggled Elrod would wander into Cerebus's bar in Guys having once again somehow eluded death or capture or nonexistence through his strange blundering overconfidence. Maybe my hope in the reappearance of Elrod was what really kept me reading until Issue #300! Death's plan is to have the Crawler (that's the squiddy, octopus, vagina-stand-in thing) drive Cerebus into Death's clutches. But Cerebus has a knack for winning battles by knowing when to retreat and when not to retreat. Previously, he would have died in the wizard's tower while hunting the flame jewel if he had attacked the skeleton; this time he realizes that if he keeps retreating, he will lose the battle so he presses the attack. Four issues in and I now have total confidence in Cerebus's strategic mind. He can't be defeated even by what amounted to a Great Old One! At least according to Death's description of the beast. I'm not sure Death is the most trustworthy of narrators though. Also, is he really Death? Seems like a crazy character to introduce four issues in. How many issues was Gaiman's The Sandman on before readers were introduced to their next huge comic book crush, Death? Death realizes he can't manipulate Cerebus to force Cerebus to bring him the gem. So he searches for somebody he can manipulate.

Or does he create one? I suppose that spark is the moment Elrod comes into existence.

The first half of this issue was lacking in, as Dave says, "Ha-ha." And true to form, it wasn't that great. Standard sword and sorcery fare with Cerebus battling a monster and magical forces intervene in the barbarian's life. Death isn't much of a character and the monster wasn't much more than any of the listings on a typical wandering monster chart. But then Cerebus wanders into the market to meet one of the top three characters in the series! No wait. Maybe top four because I just remembered another character I love. Whoops! Make that top six. No, no, top seven maybe? Top ten? Christ I forgot about all the characters in Guys who read that Wankerman comic book which puts Elrod in, what? Top twenty, maybe? And do we count all of The Roach's incarnations as one character or several?! Anyway, he's a pretty good character.

Is this the most iconic entrance for a character ever? You know what? Don't answer that. I already said that I hate debating other comic book nerds.

Oh man. I'd completely forgotten about how Elrod refers to Cerebus as the kid in the bunny suit. Which provides for some great imagery later when we see their first encounter through Elrod's eyes. It must have been tough living in barbarian times and also this fictional world because, once again, Cerebus finds himself drawn into a sword fight for practically no reason. I mean, there were probably more reasons for every other fight he got into, like the one against the shadow beast and the one against the skeleton and the one against the wizard and the one against the Boreleans and the one against Klog and the one against the army hypnotized by the succubus and the one against the succubus and the one against Red Sophia and the one against Thugg the Unseemly and the one against Feras and the one against the Crawler. This fight happens because he just tries to ignore Elrod and Elrod is all, "Look at my hat! It's tall and pointy!" Remember that joke from Dave's essay where he said it made him laugh a lot? Yeah, it was pretty good.

Elric's sword was black but it was not called "Seersucker." It was called, um, Black Razor? No wait! Stormbringer!

Speaking of Black Razor, does anybody remember the names of the other two magic weapons that could be found in S2 White Plume Mountain? If so, I'd like to steal your lunch money and give you a swirly. A minor bit of explication happens on the next page which describes Death's motivations for seeking the gem currently in Cerebus's possession. It's the Chaos Gem and would be the 13th magic gem in Death's collection. That would enable him to kill even more people than he presumably already kills. I figure he's eventually going to kill everybody anyway so what's the hurry? Elrod's sword shatters when Cerebus blocks his first blow and Elrod decides maybe they should team up instead. Cerebus has yet to say a word as Elrod talks enough for the two of them. Also, it's a Foghorn Leghorn parody and Foghorn's foils usually have little to say. Half the character is in the bluster and overblown confidence. Elrod gets them both in trouble with the guards and hauled off to prison.

Maybe I loved Elrod because he reminded me so much of my gaming group's role playing encounters.

Cerebus breaks his chains in prison and escapes while Elrod continues to shoot his mouth off. He's useless for anything but talk, evidence, I suppose, that he's nothing but an illusion. I'd like to believe Dave Sim retconned Elrod into being some kind of magical, illusory creation because I don't like to believe that any writer plans that kind of stuff. Why even consider if he's a real being or not this early? But Dave Sim has that bit in the Swords of Cerebus essay where he says, "He always pops up, seemingly from nowhere, with no explanation of how he got out of the fix we left him in (Aha! You hadn't noticed, had you) and an entirely new vision of the best direction for his life to take." It's almost like he's winking at us and nudging us with his elbow, daring us to guess that there's something not right with the character. Maybe Dave Sim only came up with the "Elrod is an actual cartoon character" after a few more Elrod appearances. Cerebus throws the gem in a well, figuring it must be bad luck, and Death walks off dejected that his plan failed. Who's he going to manipulate into climbing down a well?! I mean, The Roach would probably do it. But it seems like Death's heart wasn't really into killing everybody quicker anyway. He probably realized it was just too much extra work. And that's it for the story! Not much in Aardvark Comment except for this list of creatures Cerebus has fought which I did not know existed before I wrote out my list earlier or else I would have simply used it and missed out on some of them.

Also, Frank Thorne wrote another letter.

Cerebus #4 Rating: B+. Dave Sim was correct in his essay about not much really happening in this issue. It's a lot of Death hoping for some gem for some reason which he never gets and nobody ever notices he's even trying, and Elrod going on and on and on about himself. It's a good first appearance by Elrod but he's definitely better utilized when he has actual dialogue with other characters. I loved this issue so don't take it the wrong way when I say my favorite part of this issue was probably when Dave mentioned of Wendy Pini. Elfquest was my favorite thing from 6th to 9th grade. Wendy Pini and Dave Sim have this thing in common: they're two of three comic book creators whom I went out of my way to get to sign my books. The other one was Terry Moore. And I guess you could include Richard Pini but I just think of him as a subset of Wendy.

#Dave Sim #Cerebus

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massivelyunabashedtraveler-blog · 6 years

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Advisable Energy For Girls Over 50

If you're in the unlucky position, like I was of getting a girlfriend break up with you, you might be seemingly questioning how to get your ex girlfriend back. Some might view emotional dishonest as harmless companionship, however skilled relationship consultant Chris Seiter says it is simply asking for hassle. Online Psychic Readings. If you're lost and looking for direction in your life, make sure you don't fall prey to the scammers and the frauds. Find the right psychic network that has good reviews and real client recommendations. Find the spiritual readers you want and need to find clarity in your life. "Emotional cheating usually results in bodily cheating, and despite the fact that the traces are blurred when dealing with 'emotional cheating' I've discovered that it can be simply as dangerous," he said. Matt, the primary drawback with second marriages is that the companions do not convey the kids into the relationship earlier than they move in together. It typically takes children 2 years to begin to speak in confidence to step parents. That's the reason partners ought to date and discover something else for the youngsters to do once they exit. When I recall the connection I had at fifty eight, the one which broke my coronary heart, my recollections are great. I liked feeling alive, sexy, and young. I rely every single day on the teachings I learned from that have. Did I think I would die after we broke up? Completely! Did I want that it had never happened? Not for a minute! Since that time, I have continued to have other great relationships which have greatly enriched my life. It is superb to remember stuff you've realized in previous relationships, however it could be a good suggestion to test with a relationship coach to ensure you're taking the proper stuff with you! Avoiding making assumptions like It happened before and therefore must occur once more” can influence all your relationship if you aren't armed with a clear slate before you leap into the relationship pool.

One of the things that singles don't love is that they can not predict the long run. Or control it. They think, Will I be alone ceaselessly? Will I be an outdated maid? The place should I'm going to satisfy folks? A number of folks don't like uncertainty and unanswered questions. However uncertainty brings a ton of opportunity. Your options are infinite!! And that's a very good factor! You simply have to believe that it's, too. Involving your kids too early in a brand new relationship could trigger them additional trauma in case your new relationship falls apart. The very last thing they want is to be uncovered to another disintegrating relationship. Wait till you're very positive of your new relationship and both of you have sensible expectations of what a blended family is about. Even if your youngsters express a optimistic curiosity in your courting life, it's best not to involve them.

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theartgearguide · 7 years

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Affordable Christmas Gifts For The Artist In Your Life

Its that time of year again and we are all scrambling about to get our friends and loved ones the perfect gift, however, for our fellow creative ones, it is difficult to find the perfect affordable gift, with affordability the keyword in this instance. We want to get beautiful gifts that are actually going to be used and loved by the recipient, whilst trying to maintain a reasonable budget.

Here is a list of 18 gifts I have mustered together hoping to give you a helping hand in choosing the perfect gift and if you don't fancy any of the gifts in the list, it may still spark some inspiration within you to go on and find that perfect gift. Or you may have been given your Christmas bonus early and just fancy treating yourself because you deserve to be pampered.

In the interest of full disclosure, all of the items below with the exception of one or two are linked to Amazon via my Amazon associate links. This does not cost you any money whatsoever, however, if you purchase via the links, The Art Gear Guide will receive a percentage from Amazon. I feel it is important to always be honest and transparent on matters such as this and if you'd rather not purchase via the links provided you can still search Amazon for the same items.

Derwent ProColour 24 Set And Pencil Wrap

As with a lot of these gift ideas, I have personally removed most of them, the ones I have personally reviews I will provide a link back to the review should you wish to discover more about the product before purchasing.

This set from Derwent is a really beautiful and excellently priced set of their newest fantastic ProColour coloured pencils, 24 to be exact and along with the pencils is the ever popular Derwent Pencil Wrap. The canvas and leather wrap in total holds 30 pencils and once inserted the wrap rolls up into an easy to carry storage device for your pencils whilst protecting them.

This set costs £32.99 and then delivery prices will vary depending on where you live, so make sure you check out the postage before purchasing.

Pentel Water Brush Pen Set

For the watercolor enthusiast in your life, this excellent Pentel water brush set is an excellent affordable gift. I think the Pentel brush pens are among the most common water brushes used and with good reason. They sit well in the hand, do not leak, apply water to your painting with ease and the brushes are really nice quality.

This Pentel water brush set will only cost you £7.20, as with all of these gift ideas, postage may apply depending on where you live and which service you opt for.

Koh-I-Noor Polycolor 36 Set

If you have a loved one or friend who has either expressed an interest in colored pencil art or perhaps has just got started and has not yet a full set of pencils, this may be the perfect gift for you.

Koh-I-Noor is an absolutely excellent pencil, incredibly affordable prices but without sacrificing artist quality pencils and pigments. My review of the Polycolor pencils can been found at this link, however I always recommend getting the largest set of pencils you can as mixing and blending colors is not like mixing and blending paints. However, if you are unable or reluctant to buy a massive 120 or 72 set of pencils, I always recommend getting at least a 36 set, allowing the artist at least three grades of each prominent color, a light, mid tone and dark.

This 36 set of Koh-I-Noor Polycolor will only cost £19.42, plus delivery depending on your location and the service you choose.

Derwent Pencil Buddy

This is a really simple little gadget, but incredibly effective and helpful for any colored pencil artist. The Derwent Pencil Buddy sits on the artists desk and holds pencils or pens in a safe and easily accessible manner. The pencils will not fall out or clink together, nor will they clatter as pencils do when you drop them into a jar, thus potentially shattering the core.

The Derwent Pencil buddy looks really nice, not out of place on a desk. I have also reviewed this item should you wish to see the buddy in action and the material which holds the pencils in place. This awesome little gift will only cost you

Kuretake Gansai Tambi Watercolor 18 Pans

I personally love playing about with watercolors and the effects and art work that can be achieve with a nice set of watercolors can be phenomenal.

If anyone you know is into watercolor or looking to try some watercolor, I have chose this set as they are something different, not the a typical watercolor set that you might give to a beginner to watercolor. Having said all that, the colors are so beautiful and when activated with water the magic starts. The Kuretake Gansai Tambi are a Japanese set and for 18 pans will cost you £11.35 which I think is excellent given their quality. I have a slightly larger set which I have used but I have not actually reviewed them yet.

Colored Pencil Painting Portraits by Alyona Nickelsen

So what do you get the artist that has almost every art supply under the sun, well books are an excellent way to go. This book, "Colored Pencil Painting Portraits" by Alyona Nickelsen is aimed primarily at colored pencil portrait artists, however the information in this book is all encompassing when it comes to colored pencil tips and techniques.

The good thing about this book is that although beginners to the world of colored pencil art would benefit hugely from it, even the most advanced colored pencil artist would love and use this book. Alyona herself is a highly regarded and respected colored pencil artist and what she doesn't know about the medium, is not worth knowing.

I have actually reviewed this book, I was incredibly fortunate and honoured to have been sent a digital copy before the book was released, for more on the book check out my review. On Amazon this outstanding reference guide to colored pencils for life will cost £21.34 and brighten the Christmas of whoever receives it.

Derwent Pencil Wrap

I have already showed this item off in this list, however it comes with a set of 24 ProColour, this time the Derwent Pencil Wrap is on its own as this item itself is an excellent affordable gift for any colored pencil enthusiast.

As with the pencil buddy, there is not much to this particular gift, however, it is incredibly useful and looks good as well. The Derwent Pencil Wrap is a canvas rolled out length with leather trim for protection. Along the canvas length there are loops where the artist can safely place pens, pencils, erasers etc.

Once the wrap is filled, and it can hold up to 30 pencils, it simply rolls up on itself and fastens with a leather strap, wrapped round the item and closed tight using a brass stud. It is an excellent way to keep all your supplies safe in one place and when in use outside the studio, your supplies will not get lost or damaged. The Derwent Wrap will cost £6.99, but even for this small amount of money, the friend or loved one who receives this will be over the moon.

Tom Bow Graphite Pencils

Buying supplies for an artist as a gift can be a daunting process as most artists are set in their ways, know what they love and love what they know. However, all artists love to try new supplies and of course a new budding artist needs all the supplies they can get their hands on.

If the artist in your life loves using graphite, this beautiful set of Tom Bow Graphite pencils will be a joy of any artist to open and use on Christmas morning. Tom Bow is a really well known name in the art community and produce very high quality products. In this particular set the graphite ranges from 6B all the through to 4H, including F, B, H and HB.

I was fortunate enough to have a set of these pencils sent to me by a lovely lady from The Art Gear Guide community and I fell in love with them the second I started using them. The graphite is smooth and covers the paper beautifully. In this set you also get a Tom Bow Mono Smart eraser and a good quality sharpener, so an excellent set for a beginner. This set will cost you £13.36.

Bird Art by Alan Woollett

If drawing birds is your thing or the passion of the artist in your life, then this awesome book Bird Art by Alan Woollett is a must have and is sure to plaster a smile all day long on your friend or loved ones faced.

Alan Woollett is a highly respected and loved colored pencil and graphite artist specialising particularly in birds. His work is simply breath taking and this book takes the artist through the step by step process of how Alan delivers his amazing work. This book is a remarkably generous price of £14.48

A4 Tracing Light Box

I came across this item on Amazon and thought it was an excellent price for what it is, ordinarily they are much more expensive, however this is an excellent price. This A4 size Light Box used for tracing is perfect for the artist just getting started.

So many people say that tracing or using light boxes is cheating and shouldn't be used, however, if you actually talk to the professionals, the artists who hold classes and teach students, they will tell you that a light box is an excellent tool to aid in your drawing skills. This method will help your memory muscle and so eventually push you into drawing free hand, but to begin with, tools such as the light box are absolutely fine to use. At £15.29, I think whatever your stance on using a device like this it is too good a price to miss.

Stabilo CarbOthello Pastel Pencils 12 Set

If the artist in your life is looking to get into pastel painting or has dabbled a bit with this medium, you will not go wrong with the Stabilo CarbOthello Pastel Pencil Set of 12. So many of the professional pastel artists that use pencils use the Stabilo Pastel Pencils and for good reason.

Whilst the pastel pencils of Stabilo are more along the lines of chalk, these pencils are incredibly good at laying down color, the pigments are rich and vibrant, but the pencils themselves also feel good in the hand, well balanced and not too fragile. I personally love the Stabilo CarbOthello Pastel Pencils and for this set of 12, it will cost you £18.99, which may at first seem a bit pricey but you are dipping your feet into high quality supplies with these.

Unison Soft Pastels

Keeping with the pastel theme, if perhaps pastel pencils are not the gift you are after, how about these absolutely gorgeous Unison Soft Pastels. Every single pastel is hand made in the beautiful Cumbrian countryside here in the UK, delivering to the artist the most amazing quality pastel.

I have added here one of the starter sets from Unison however on their site they have an absolutely amazing selection of colors available and some outstanding sets from starter like this one all the way up to the full range set. This set will cost you £28.99 for 16 half sticks, to see these wonderful pastels in action check out my YouTube video review.

The Art Of Colored Pencil Drawing by Cynthia Knox

Another outstanding book for the colored pencil artist in your life and in particular someone just getting started. This wonderful book by the highly respected and loved Cynthia Knox, "The Art Of Colored Pencil Drawing," is perfect for those just getting started or wanted to learn more tips and techniques in this wonderful medium.

This wonderful book will sit well in any artists collection of literature and will cost only

Faber Castell Polychromos Gift Box 36 Set

If you want to push the boat out and have a little bit more to spend, any colored pencil artist would absolutely love to get their hands on this 36 Gift Box Set of Faber Castell Polychromos. Almost all colored pencils artists use these pencils and love them.

Although this is perhaps the most expensive item in the list, these pencils really are the gift that will keep on giving to the artist in your life. For this beautiful 36 set it will only cost you £39.95 which I know may be more than your budget will allow but I had to include this set just incase. Check out my review of Faber Castell Polychromos pencils if you are unsure of their quality.

Leather Sketch Journal

With all these amazing art supplies, you are going to want a really nice sketch pad to draw in and I have found this beautiful Leather Sketch Journal that will make any artist feel special out and about sketching. This journal will only cost £25.95, however as you can see the detail on the leather is beautiful and is ket closed with a leather strap.

Strathmore Watercolor Pad

If on the other hand, watercolor is more your loved ones thing, this excellent watercolor art journal from Strathmore may be just the gift you are looking for. Strathmore are experts when it comes to art paper and their journals are no exception. This beautiful gift will cost £23.74 and allow the artist in your life to fill the pages with color and love.

12 Colored Pencil Techniques by Cindy Wider

The last book in the list is another excellent book for the colored pencil artist who is just getting started with the medium. This excellent book by Cindy Wider "12 Colored Pencil Techniques" is an excellent reference for any colored pencil artist to have on hand. This was another book I reviewed just before it's release and know how fantastic the techniques are and how easy they are to follow. This wonderful book will cost you £22.87.

Colored Pencil Magazine Subscription

Last but by no means least, if you want to give your loved one a gift that keeps on giving all year round, check out the subscription packages for the ever popular COLORED PENCIL Magazine. I have only added a link to the site here and no prices simply because excellent deals are available at COLORED PENCIL Magazine .

At COLORED PENCIL Magazine, you have the option of either just a digital issue or having a paper issue being posted out to your home every month or both. Check out the deals at the links provided and see which option suits you best.

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays

This was a simple list of 18 last minute Christmas Gifts for the artist loved one in your live or even if you have been given your Christmas bonus early and perhaps looking for a cheeky wee gift just for you because you are awesome and deserve to be cheered up.

#Derwent ProColour #Unison Pastels #Pentel Brush Pens #Faber Castell Polychromos #Cynthia Knox #Alan Woollett #Light Box #Stabilo Carbothello #Unison Colour Pastels

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