#i genuinely would like to know more songs though- i think they're great inspiration for art pieces (or any creative medium)!

[gncrezan]

i'm obsessed with aki, like it's not even funny. I JUST NEED MORE OF HIM IN MY LIFE LAWD HAVE MERCY. would you happen to have a bit more information on the loml...? if not it's aight big love <33

YOU CAN ALWAYS ASK ME ABOUT HIM i'm so sorry it took so long to reply i have been so everywhere but i have been meaning to find like sketches and stuff i have around of him :)

collated a bunch of old sketches of his family!! aki was originally going to be a part of a big like. chinese-zodiac inspired thing and his family in particular were the snakes (he's got the character in his last name lol) and him and his siblings all got snake characteristics . there is however nothing new under the sun and even though i thought this was cool my friend was like "oh like fruits basket" and i shelved the idea LOL

in the end he just existed in a vaccum, i had nothing to do with him, before i dragged him out of there with the intention to drop him into a simpler slice-of-life story with a bunch of terrible postgrad students. that story mainly revolves around like.. biomed researchers basically?? aki would have been an ex-STEM student who dropped out because he didn't want to do medicine anymore, but kept in touch with his friends from the course (the other cast might eventually also be forced into IFs LOL)

more under the cut!

i eventually completely veered off the zodiac-course and kept his base design and turned those scales into tattoos! he's got more in infamous, but in this universe it's just those snakes winding around his arms!!!! infamous tattoos are kind of not set in stone cause i plan to add more (inspired by the bandmates) and the tattoos are supposed to be based off them!! there was no way he'd stop at just seven's initials, he has a little thing for all of them!!!! bc we're only really two chapters into infamous tho i just want more time to "know" the bandmates and then give more him more tats (i have been reading asks about them and trying to assign stuff LMFMFMFAOOO)

what he has and i consistently draw him w are seven's initials, the snakes (leftover design from the kind of concept he was based off of), lotuses/flowers (could change!! i'm thinking rn that he gets everyone's favorite flower/plant tattooed), wave designs (i'm praying someone's a water sign), and he's also got the opening notes of their first song that they played as a band :)

the original version of him is also based vaguely off a friend i made in uni who did hair/makeup and which i still think is so cool and gave him that !!!! more specifically he sort of dropped out of a good-asian-kid stem course to do this, which freaked his parents out when they realised he was just Leaving to go cut people's hair. aki's pretty great at it, and is lucky enough to work at a good stylist agency <3

kills it at karaoke with his friends in this universe too :) his genuine passion for working as a stylist and love for his job translates into music for infamous, which despite how "i'm-so-cool-and-chill-about-everything" he tries to seem, is his biggest worry. he really really wants to succeed and stick it to his parents, and can't imagine what else he'd ever do. music is all he has and really gets lost in songwriting/singing :)

his stage name akiya is also a reference to the word for abandoned/empty houses in rural areas in japan. they're cheap to buy, but cost a lot to repair and flip. this is a stealth dig at his parents lol but aki passes it off as a portmanteau of his first/last name: he is secretly emo like this </3

also their band name, snakebites, in general is like 1) "what's cool when we are 16 and making this band when we are in high school" and 2) the band's shared birth year being the year of the snake (2001/i'm projecting) (they're still like 25/26 which makes infamous oddly take place in the future for me, 2027ish???) and luckily i don't believe the year it takes place matters to anyone so i'm just going with it <3 don't think about it too hard this is deep lore that only makes sense to me

their fandom name also call themselves snakes, and they lean into this for their promo materials (each member gets a government assigned snake breed) LMFAO !! aki lightly thinks its cringe but it's not hurting anyone, so he just told maya that he thought the name was great LOLLLLL !!! they have a vaguely edgy image because of this (and because ya know. lots of drama surrounding seven leaving) even though they're much more an indie rock band (sounding more like hippo campus, yona yona weekenders, young the giant) with a reputation for being wholesome

there's also a fun game their fans like to play called "using aki's hair, what era of snakebites is this" LOL <3

i hope this was kind of understandable <3 thank you for letting me cry about my boy <3

[liquidisedfrogs]

EUROVISION ABSOLUTE FUCKING BRAIN DUMP

Tonight, the night where... some... of Europe comes together and sings in an ..... something way, is the night I am willing to barf my brain out onto a page and commentate on the entire thing start to finish. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION!! Strap in motherfuckers....

We started the evening with the performance of last year's winner Ukraine (MWAH) starring Kate Middleton for some reason and Sam Ryder stood on top of some building in Liverpool. I had totally forgotten how earwormy that song was. I literally can't get it out of my head even now. We saw the countries come out onto stage to a very random compilation it seemed. I think Australia stole Germany's flag though.

PERFORMANCE 1 : ALBANIA- WHO THE HELL IS EDGAR? - TEYA & SALENA I'm not lying here when I say I LOVED this song. I loved how it took so much inspiration from Michael Jackson in the dance moves. The girl with the black hair was mind-blowing. Like, she was unbelievably gorgeous. I'm not saying the other one wasn't- they were both incredible. I loved how much colour and enthusiasm they seemed to have. IT WAS SO RANDOM AND I FREAKING LOVED IT. Rank no.5

PERFORMANCE 2 : PORTUGAL- AI CORAÇÃO- MIMICAT The dress. Oh my god that dress was DIVINE. I loved how like bright it was to be honest. It was just so dramatic and it felt like it had a lot of variety. I don't really know why it just really appealed to me. Her voice is DIVINE too. Rank no.6

PERFORMANCE 3 : SWITZERLAND- WATERGUN- REMO FORRER I'm not lying when I say that this song brought a tear to my eye. It was so moving but god, that guy needed to put a few more clothes on. I really liked it. Remo Forrer can sing so beatifully and yet I didn't know who he was before tonight. That low note made my jaw drop. Powerful. All I can say really. The guy also reminded me of Noah Schnapp for some goddamn insane reason. Rank no.7

PERFORMANCE 4 : POLAND- SOLO- BLANKA I had to rewatch it cause it was kind of forgettable. Felt like it had been done so much before. I don't mean any hate by this but I just didn't like it. I wasn't as WOW as other songs have been. It gave me the vibe of the Stuck In The Middle theme mixed with Despacito. It just didn't feel if you know what I mean. Rank no.23

PERFORMANCE 5 : SERBIA- SAMO MI SE SPAVA- LUKE BLACK Perfection. It was so.... I don't have words for it. It was just fantastic. It showed so much talent and I loved the Graham Norton description of the nerdiness and that definitely came across so incredibly in the performance. It was just like smoke sweat and tears. I LOVED THE VIDEO GAME BIT. It's a great song, it's a wonderful performance. It's the best. Also, take a moment to consider how fit the guy was. This was no doubt the best act in my opinion but I know not many people have the same opinions as me so I'm accepting the fact that he's probably not gonna win. Rank no.1

PERFORMANCE 6 : FRANCE- LA ZARRA- Évidement It had such a french vibe to it for some reason. It's stuck in my head. I really enjoyed it to be honest. The outfit was genuinely on point and the vocals were stunning. The chorus kinda gave me Dua Lipa vibes but there's nothing wrong with that is there. The lyrics were kinda dramatic. Overall, I ate it up. Freaking glorious song there was just a lot of good competition. Rank no.10

PERFORMANCE 7 : CYPRUS- BREAK A BROKEN HEART- ANDREW LAMBROU Not memorable. It was quite sad. He's got a good voice, there were just better songs to be honest. It was quite repetetitive. I didn't enjoy it particularly it was just there. A few more layers would be nice. He sung quite high and it wasn't necessarilly appealing. THE FIRE THO. That arena must have been so hot. His voice at the end was beautiful, fight me. Rank no.16

PERFORMANCE 8 : SPAIN- EAEA- BLANCA PALOMA The bit at the beginning with the vocalisations (I think that's what they're called) was incredible. It gave off quite a middle eastern movie vibe which I wasn't expecting from Spain. Her top genuinely looked like it had been melted by heat which made me laugh. It gave off a Satanic ritual vibe. I liked the song but the electronic parts really didn't fit her talented and gorgeous voice. Rank no.22

PERFORMANCE 9 : SWEDEN- TATTOO- LOREEN I loved the vibes she gave off espescially in the introduction bit to the song, she looked like a batty pintrest witch which is a look I adore. Her hair was just stunning but for some reason it didn't look real, I don't know. THE NAILS!! God, they were so long. Her whole set was just tattooine(hmm maybe she thought about that) to me. It gave Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus. I really liked it. The whole song was so nice. There's not really any other way to say it than that. I really liked it though. I'm happy it was her that won. Rank no.12

PERFORMANCE 10 : ALBANIA- DUJE- ALBINA & FAMILJA KELMENDI I really looked forward to this one because it was a family quite like me and my siblings but I felt quite sorry because only one of the girls really got to sing in it. You could tell who was the favourite child. I loved the sister's outfits and the bit where it basically turned into the parents' love song was great. It was a good performance but it wasn't anything special. Rank no.15

10 down, 16 to go!

PERFORMANCE 11 : ITALY- DUE VITA- MARCO MENGONI I liked the top, make me one. He has a gorgeous voice. It was quite moving in some ways but I did get distracted by the trampoline guys in the back. I LOVED THEM. The lyrics were a bit random, I had it on translating subtitles. It was okay, I didn't think it was anything special though. It was a sway with your arms in the air type of song. He's such a good singer, I swear, I just didn't love the song. Rank no.19

PERFORMANCE 12 : ESTONIA- BRIDGES- ALIKA It was a magical song. I really enjoyed how it gave off fairy Elsa vibes for some reason. I don't really have many words it was just lovely. She has such an incredible voice. I loved her outfit as well it was fabulous. It was just a gorgeous song, I really liked it. She has such a powerful voice. It was divine. Rank no.8

PERFORMANCE 13 : FINLAND- CHA CHA CHA- KÄÄRIJÄ If you're here for a specific song, it's probably gonna be this one. The hulk forgets to put on his chestpiece and he's on the stage at Eurovision singing a heavy-metal-techno-pop number. I still can't understand what the fuck this song was about. It's really confusing but it's a bop. I'm just blasting out CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA in my brain the whole time. I really liked it. It was a proper random Eurovision song and I LIVE for em. The guy's got a good voice on him though, the prolonged shouting must have been hard. Rank no.9

PERFORMANCE 14 : CZECHIA- MY SISTER'S CROWN- VESNA It gave ballet recital gone wrong for me. It sounded a bit too like the winning song from last year for my liking but it was incredible with the harmonies. I didn't really get the hair message. They were doing feminism stuff but sticking directly to the gender roles traditionally set which I didn't understand. It was powerful and I did like it. Rank no.18

PERFORMANCE 15 : AUSTRALIA- PROMISE- VOYAGER I love watching forty odd year olds dance around on stage like they're twenty one. It felt like someone had gone through my playlist, taken the best bits from each song and melted them into a pot together. It is an anthem and I adore that. I loved the woman on guitar. She was so good. I loved the vibes it sounded like it could be in a video game and honest to god it was one of my favourites of the night. Rank no.3

PERFORMANCE 16 : BELGIUM- BECAUSE OF YOU- GUSTAPH The Boy George vibes were real. His outfit gave rich man goes on safari but there's been an incident with a red sock. It was a BOP like literally. I just wanted to do the macerena the whole time. The start bit reminded me of a musical I can't remember the name of. It was kind of repetetive which I didn't like. It was okay to be honest. Shoutout to the guy who was willing to be a furry stripper for this. Rank no.17

PERFORMANCE 17 : ARMENIA- FUTURE LOVER- BRUNETTE The singer gave me Ariana Grande vibes. It was average. It was a bit like an I'm not like other girls. She has a lovely voice but it did get quite lost in the other countries amazingnesses. It didn't really stick in my head so I had to rewatch the full thing whereas with most of the others I either don't have to watch it or I only need a memory jog. The getup was stunning. The boots should have had black laces though, it would've fit do much better. She's incredibly talented but there were better songs. Rank no.21

PERFORMANCE 18 : MOLDOVA- SOARELE ŞI LUNA- PASHA PARFENI Welcome to the stage... satanic yoga teacher. I liked it. It was so European. It was a great watch. It reminded me of the Mandolorian theme which is a massive compliment in my book. The horny women were great. (They had horns in their hair.) It was very Eurovision esque and I really liked it. It was quite funny and my little brother voted for it. Great song. Rank no.13

PERFORMANCE 19 : UKRAINE- HEART OF STEEL- TVORCHI After last year, I had very high hopes for Ukraine. I enjoyed it. I really liked all the staging it was stunning but it didn't stand out to me very much. The phantom of the opera guy got the night off though! It was a great song. It would be great at a festival, I can see it now. I don't have a ton to say about it. It was good but not mind-blowing. Rank no.14

PERFORMANCE 20 : NORWAY- QUEEN OF THE KINGS- ALESSANDRA This whole song makes make me want to yell with happiness. It just like scratches my brain for some reason. It was the only song this year that I had heard before and even though I had, it did not disappoint. I swear it was a whole vibe. Her outfit was literally straight from SIX, bite me. I loved it. I loved every second of it but there were better songs. The high note showed talent. I mean, I can do it but, but it still shows years of effort and training. Rank no.11

Only 6 left!

PERFORMANCE 21 : GERMANY- BLOOD & GLITTER- LORD OF THE LOST HUGE SLAY. I loved it. In my honest opinion, I would've loved it to be in German but I do speak German so it wouldn't be that hard to understand. They really reminded me of Ghost with the whole red satan type vibe and the song itself. The makeup was FINE! I mean that in an attractive way. The start was so INCREDIBLE. He looked and sounded quite like Bowie and if you know me, you know I love Bowie. The heavy metal singing was on point. I'm suprised that they came last because they were pretty much tied with Serbia in my book I decided the ranks at like 1 am and my 1 am thoughts are always the best. Rank no.2

PERFORMANCE 22 : LITHUANIA- STAY- MONIKA LINKYTÉ The start made me think of the Lion King- just getting that off my chest before I dive into this one. It was lovely, it was beautiful but that's not really the winning characteristics. It was incredible. It gave off the sort of 2014 'Fight Song' vibe which I feel has been done so much already. I want to be able to mark this one higher but I feel I can't because of how high rated the other songs are. Rank no.20

PERFORMANCE 23 : ISRAEL- UNICORN- NOA KIREL Before I say anything, this is just me putting my opinions out there to get them off my head. I really didn't like this song. It was weird and it wasn't a song that I enjoyed watching. It's started off okay with a slight Melanie Martinez vibe but honestly shit hit the fan pretty quickly. It turned into a feminine anthem and, to me, all those songs sound the same. The worst bit was the bit where she said watch me dance and stripped off and basically became a stripper in her dance moves. There were children watching. You can't do that. Rank no.26

PERFORMANCE 24 : SLOVENIA- CARPE DIEM- JOKER OUT This was one of my favourite songs of the night. I adored the whole performance. It was like a step back into the past when Eurovision wasn't as big of an event and they didn't have all the feathers and glitter. It felt quite wholesome to me for an unknown reason. Personally, I don't think it was Eurovision standard. It was a lot more indie than all the other songs and it popped out of the page because of that. It had a very different view and appearance to the viewers. I have listened to this song about five times this morning I like it so much. Special mention to the guitarist because you look fantabulous. Like, you're so good-looking I can't understand wether it's gender envy or attraction. I loved the fits by the way. Rank no.4

PERFORMANCE 25 : CROATIA- MAMA ŠČ- Let 3 This performance made me really uncomfortable. They looked like a rip off of the YMCA and the song wasn't that good to be honest. It was just a bunch of people's grandads singing a dumb army style song and then stripping off. It wasn't enjoyable, it was very mildly funny and I just really didn't like it. It wasn't as bad as Israel or the UK though. Rank no.24

PERFORMANCE 26 : UK- I WROTE A SONG- MAE MULLER It was really just a mid song. She doesn't have the nicest voice and the song choice emphasised that. It was really repetetive and definately deserved the ranking it got. I do feel sorry for Mae though, she must have tried so hard. The staging wasn't that appealing and her outfit didn't fit the set. I would probably rate it 5/10 if I was doing that but I'm not. There was a lot of good competition and it simply wasn't as good. Rank no.25

AND THAT'S A WRAP MY DUDES!!

I think Tattoo winning was a great descision. It isn't one I would've made but it really stood out. I do think Germany deserved a lot more than it was given and I feel extremely sorry for Spain who only got 5 points for the public because that must've hurt.

Shoutout to Sam Ryder with his really nice song at the end, I though it was great. Also, they managed to get ROGER TAYLOR for it. FREAKING ROGER TAYLOR!!!

Have a nice day/night reader and I hope you return next year for another unnecessarily long Eurovision rant.

[aemke]

Hello! I like your blog, so I'm going to ask you questions. You can answer as many or as few as you like.

What is your favourite thing about Ben?

What is your favourite NHIE scene?

Have you read/watched Jaren's interviews?

Do you read fic? If yes, do you have a favourite?

Any songs you associate with Ben as a character?

Do you ship Benvi?

Do you want to see a picture of my cat?

Well hello!

Thanks for the questions; did my best to answer them below.

I would say my favorite thing about Ben is his wit. I love snark and sarcasm, especially when paired with intelligence, which our Ben has in spades. When you add to that the fact that Ben is genuinely a kind and faithful person (even though no one on the show has once returned that friendship to him in kind), I just love him to bits.

Favorite NHIE scenes? How long do you have? My fav is probably the exchange with Howard in 3x6 but since that gets mentioned so often I'll add a few less noted examples. I love in 1x10 when he tells Fab and Eleanor that friends don't take breaks. Its not like its the most well acted of his scenes or anything but I think it says a lot about who Ben is as a person (I also hate Fabiola- I find her boring and judgmental- so I like Ben putting her in her place). Another favorite is Ben and the pear. Jaren does such a great job of showing Ben's transition from 'this is stupid'' to 'I see why this matters' and its done in such a convincing and understated way. Also love Ben telling Devi they're not even; again we get a lot of insight into Ben and where his head and heart are at with limited screen time. And Trent walking down the hallway to ravage Eleanor-comedy gold.

I haven't seen many interviews, but I am very impressed by the one's I have seen. I love to hear actors talk about their craft and you can tell that he is truly an actor who puts care and thought into his performances. He would definitely excel in future projects and I hope we get an opportunity to see him take on new and more challenging roles. I know you and others have talked about his fearlessness and vulnerability as an actor and you can definitely see that that approach is indeed intentional in his interviews.

I love fanfic! I am new to the NHIE fic fandom but I have read a few works I've enjoyed recently. Your recent A Ghost in the Back of the Room is an instant classic of course! I love fics solely focused on Ben and they are few and far between as I know you realize. I've read others I've enjoyed but I honestly can't remember them right now. I typically don't like things too sappy or out of character so anytime an author gets the voices right I'm usually along for whatever ride they want to take me on. I'm also trying not to read too much because I can easily lose myself in it all day and forget to live my actual real life, lol.

I very much doubt this is a musical list that is likely to inspire anyone but I have an old fashion (and probably bad) taste in music so here you go. Simon and Garfield : I am a Rock (obviously...just listen to those lyrics!) The Police: So Lonely (are you sensing a theme? Perfect for 'The Loneliest Boy in the World' and I feel like the manic energy of The Police is perfect for Ben), And of course Johnny Cash: A Boy Named Sue (while I doubt Ben and Howard will come to fisticuffs, its a song about troubled relationships with fathers and how our struggles make our character which feels pretty spot on for Ben)

Yes in so much as Devi is what Ben wants and I want that for him. Truthfully I would be ecstatic with a world in which all the characters had the hots for Ben and fought for his affections!

My chonky 18 year old kitty just passed away recently leaving a giant hole in my heart so I would very much like to see a picture of your cat :)

[rainy-astrology]

thank u sm for replying to my ask about hongjoong, hope u are doing well!

do u think certain members are meant to be together? even tho a lot of ships on groups are obviously put on to draw in fans who might ship them do u think theres any genuine relationships between group members or do they see themselves as being coworkers? again i think woosan and seongjoong are quite interesting but idk if its real or not or if delulus just want it to be real.

do u also think kpop is deliberately aiming for younger generations with its constsnt flood of tiktok related junk that it puts out? altho i find myself being fond of a few members of every other group or maybe i like their songs idrc for the latest trendy tiktok things its just gimmick after gimmicks nd i think kpop is profitting so much off younger groups who are more willingly going to get hooked on such trends to promote their groups. theres barely groups my age to follow literally even gidle have been a let down, is that just the members self sabotaging? lately their songs quality seem to be going downhill to the point where if a group releases noise its not remotely interesting enough or i might listen a few times but i dont feel any sort of vibe from it. oh its another thing theyre doing for tiktok to get hooked on another dance yadayadayada do u have any similar thoughts on why so many songs are just badly done auto tuned as heck and generic lyrics that arent inspiring? kpop couldve had so much going for it just to be like ehhh heres more of the samey groups where all members look dress and sound similar.

idk no ones ever really asked me to date so im like ehh whatever to dating atm if i was supposed to be in relationship someone wouldve asked me by now but they havent so i will take that as a means of being single until the day i die or some shit. also maybe my looks or facial expressions just arent pretty or not expressive (i have that glare that the likes of lee know tends to have, might put someone off from approaching me) or im underskilled in a lot of aspects that some ppl may judge me for as being talentless or behind in life, hbu?

Ofc, no prob, I hope you are doing well yourself.

I think it's a mix of both. Some groups have genuine friendships with each other and some groups are simply coworkers. Both are fine. As long as they are mature about differences and treat each other with basic respect and decency (literally the bare minimum), then I don't see the issue at all. Being an idol is just a job after all. If they are able to form a genuine connection with a member or all of them, then that's great.

Do I think certain members are meant to be together? No. I don't think anyone is meant to be together tbh. The idea of fated partners and soulmates is cute, but I don't think exists. It works best in fiction. But I know some people's bonds and compatibilities are so strong that it can feel like they were fated and that's totally fine. It's sweet. Even my best friend and I joke about us being meant to be and being "married". And yes I do agree that some ships are definitely pushed more to the public to draw more attention. Some ships may be close, some ships may not be, and we'll never 100% know as we are not those people. If you want my own thoughts on WooSan and SeongJoong though, I do think they're actually close, just not in the way some delulus try to say lol. WooSan have a matching tattoo (it would be absolutely insane to have something permanent with a person you're not close to lmao) and SeongJoong have expressed deep care to each other several times. Even though astrology isn't everything, it's interesting how SeongJoong's synastry is so harmonious.

Yes most likely, I think kpop has often been targeted towards younger audiences. Especially now with so many young people debuting. The industry is saturated and very competitive, so maybe that's why a lot of songs lately are a bit generic and uninspiring. Its heavy use of TikTok I'm sure is just a way to promote and gain attention since it's one of the biggest social media platforms rn. I can't speak much for gidle as I don't follow them...I don't think it's self sabotage though, it just sounds like you are not vibing with their music anymore. Sounds like you are losing interest with kpop in general and that's ok.

Why do you want to wait for someone to ask you out? Why don't you pursue someone? Maybe it's you who has to make the move - don't wait for it. But only if you care that much lol. I don't think you have be very pretty and expressive to get a date, but looks can def play a part in attracting someone. You don't have to be the prettiest or the best in general really to get someone though.

I'm aro ace with no interest in pursuing romance, so it isn't a concern of mine at all. I also have the same deal of having an angry face unintentionally at times + also quite expressionless and I don't consider my looks to be traditionally pretty (not calling myself ugly, i do think i'm pretty, just not by society's standards), yet I've still had people crush on me somehow 😅 if it's possible for me then it's possible for you lmao.

[crescentfool]

idk if this might be an odd question but what songs would you put in a spotify ryomina-themed playlist? I like to see which songs people associate with them :)

hi there anon!! thank you so much for the ask! 💛💙

honestly, this isn't an odd question at all? i feel the same way when i have a ship that i really like, i love looking for people's song recs and spotify playlists whenever possible!

that said, i usually struggle with assembling song recommendations because i feel weirdly self-conscious about the fact that i don't listen to music? LIKE... i do listen to stuff but it's usually the same songs (usually some mix of game osts, vocaloid, and k-pop). so i end up being like, "OMG NOO WHAT IF THIS DOESNT FIT 10/10," haha.

but in any case, i really appreciate being asked this (it's a great thinking exercise!), so here's a few songs for you, anon!

magnet - hatsune miku and megurine luka | this is the first song that comes to mind! the visual aesthetics are GREAT, and the song is a vocaloid classic about forbidden love. plus, there's two ryomina mmds of this song already! [ 1 , 2 ]

vivi - kenshi yonezu | this song. oh. it gives me december 31st vibes. i feel like the song could be great from ryoji's pov, it captures his role of being the appriser (and his feelings toward minato) really well.. a bit too well, it's almost devastating.

lemon - kenshi yonezu | more ryoji POV songs... literally post december 2nd vibes, if you ask me. very heart-wrenching song; it's how i discovered yonezu's vocal works!

donut hole - gumi | i swear i'll stop with the kenshi yonezu recs BUT! more angsty ryoji vibes, specifically november? it reminds me a bit of his social link- as the song discusses memory loss (while only being able to remember one specific person).

ikanaide - kaai yuki | not sure if i feel 100% with my recommendation here, but some aspects of the song lowkey reminds me of december 31st (specifically, minato's point of view!). i've linked the official version of the song but, i also like the acoustic/english cover by lizz robinett.

seasonal feathers - kagamine rin and len | this song gives me ryomina vibes but in an AU sense, specifically because of these lyrics: "If someday, I were no longer human, would you still love me?” the song has a nice story that was heavily inspired by the japanese folktale the grateful crane.

only us from dear even hansen | this is the one song i'm suggesting that's in english. but. what if. ryomina ditched their december canonverse problems to just live in a world with just themselves. i think about this song a lot and it's Very Good.

and that's my seven songs that remind me of ryomina! thank you again anon for such a nice prompt- i had a lot of fun revisiting some of my fave songs to answer this! if anyone else has any song recs for ryomina specifically, please feel free to share them! whether if it's in my inbox or if you want to drop your spotify playlist in the ryomina tag; i'm sure others would like it too! have a fantastic day anon- thanks for listening to my ted talk! 💛💙

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[urlocalfrogmammy]

i like this boy, and he likes someone else—donald malarkey

inspired by

donald malarkey was the love of your life. but he belonged to someone else. the nights in the pubs of aldbourne become less and less appealing, and skip muck decided enough was enough.

i’m soft as heck for my little ginger baby. warnings: major feels. proceed with caution. word count 1.6k.

the first time you realised you were in love with donald malarkey was in toccoa. when sobel wasn't watching, he'd hauled you over the wall when he could see you were struggling during the obstacle course. his smile had been soft and warm and it made you feel like you were floating on cloud nine. the second time you realised you were in love with donald malarkey was at fort benning. you'd hurt yourself on a practice jump, and the concern in his eyes was genuine as he helped you up, and even offered to carry you when he notice you wince. you failed to mention your legs were like jelly because of him. the third time you realised you were in love with donald malarkey was boxing day 1942. you'd all received your jump wings, and to celebrate the PX tent was full. the party was in full swing, but you found yourself gravitating towards the quiet corners of the room. don insisted you dance, despite your constant reminders you had two left feet. he left you blushing profusely after you'd trodden on his feet one too many times.

you finally admitted you were in love with donald malarkey when you were on your way to england. the feeling of don's hands around your arms, gently steering you forward from behind, made you feel safe. but what really caught you off guard was the way he'd punched that dog company soldier when he'd grasped you tightly and refused to let you go. malarkey gave him one look before hitting him straight in the eye. your stomach was doing cartwheels, and you declared then and there you would never find a man like him. of course, as with most things, there was a catch. donald malarkey belonged to someone else. a broad waiting back in oregon for him. how you were jealous of her. you would spend each night, eyes closed, dreaming of her place being taken by you. dreaming. it would never be more than a dream. you learned to accept that early on, though it pained your heart to think of him writing to her, telling her how he was feeling. you wanted that more than all the money in the world. aldbourne had only complicated matters. the horrible feeling of being surrounded by beautiful women made you feel extremely self conscious of your appearance. admitting there was no use in clinging onto hope, you slowly began to back away from malarkey. there was no use hurting yourself more than you needed to.

you sat in the dimly lit pub alone, enjoying your own company. the bitter beer was hard enough to stomach, but much to the men's horror it was served warm. "hey kiddo, mind if we sit?" it was bill guarnere, followed by toye.

"no, no of course." they both shuffled into the booth and you took a sip of your beer. joe must have seen your pained expression because he laughed to himself. "what?"

"still not used to beer, y/n?"

"never will be." you said it with a half smile. the two men were soon joined by george luz, then perco, then penkala, then skip, then finally donald malarkey. you found yourself a tad bit squashed between bill and george, and you tried to smile through it politely. much to your disappointment, don noticed this and said: "you need some help y/n? you're looking a little squashed there." you smiled in a helpless way and shrugged to motion you had no idea how to get out. "come on fellas, move, let her out." one by one, half the booth stood up until you were free to leave it. you could finally breathe clearly again, without the scent of heavy testosterone fanning your nose. "better?"

"much. thank you." you the addressed the table. "i'm gonna call it a night." all the men frowned and begged you to stay, and insisting you really were tired, they let you go. "i'll walk you back."

"don, you don't have to—"

"i want to, y/n."

"thank you." you smiled softly.

you both walked silently though the streets of aldbourne. watching don look up into the sky, you smiled as he smiled, and he declared that the sky was too cloudy for stars. you looked up too, and he was right. a thick layer of clouds shrouded you from above. two girls in dresses and kitten heels, linked at the arms, were staring at you and whispering to each other. after they giggled, you felt an arm wrap around your shoulder, don whispering: "don't take any notice of them."

"i can't help it."

"they're not a patch on you." you're not a patch on his broad. that's what you had to keep telling yourself, though tonight you would make an exception, allowing his arm around your shoulder. even after the girls had walked past, he didn't slip it away, instead he started to rub it slowly. the barn you all shared came too quickly. you sighed as he stopped, pulling his arm away and smiling at you, hands in pockets. "be safe. i don't think the fellas are in there, and i don't think they'll be back for a while."

"i'll be fine. thank you don."

"you're welcome y/n. don't be a stranger."

you hadn't been to that pub since. two weeks later, you instead opted to have an early night in the barn rather than go drinking with the guys. it would only break your heart, make you want him more, when he wasn't yours to have. the men begged, luz even getting down on his knees at one point, for you to come with them, but time after time you told them no. after all the men had cleared out, you lay down on your cot and sighed. "y/n? please come?" skip had come back to plead with you. turning to face the wall of the barn, you told him no. "oh, y/n. come on! come to the pub."

"i don't want to skip."

"you've not been yourself the past few weeks." skip nudged you. "it might cheer you up." you didn't reply. rolling over to face him, you sighed heavily and sat up.

"what's the matter with you? really y/n, we're all worried about you."

"i like this boy..."

"yeah?"

"and he likes someone else." you thudded back down into the flimsy cot.

"it's not the end of the world—"

"that's easy for you to say. you have sweet faye tanner waiting at home for you, and he has someone waiting back home for him—"

"don and his broad aren't a thing no more." there was a silent minute. your heart was thudding and your hands were shaking. "how did you know?"

"it's obvious. the way you look at don... it's the way all fellas wanna be looked at." you scratched the back of your neck. "does... everyone know?" skip laughed and nodded. "oh god. i'm a mess skip i can't impress anyone in this state." you attempted to run a hand through your hair in order to demonstrate your point.

"give me a comb, huh?" skip said softly, "i'll fix you up real nice."

skip really did fix you up. your hair was down and (due to a lack of rouge) you'd pinched your cheeks as hard as you could to mimic a blush. guarnere smiled this great big grin and nodded with approval. "you don't scrub up so bad, y/n."

"thanks bill." he lazily slung an arm around your shoulders, and offered to buy you a drink. "i don't like the beer."

"then let's drink something else, huh?" three vodka shots in and you were both sloppily dancing around the pub. the men and women taking their dancing seriously didn't approve of you and the philly spinning round at a hundred miles per hour, him giddily lifting you up and swinging you around. after you were both out of breath, you allowed yourself the luxury of settling back onto a seat, panting and smiling madly. donald malarkey sat facing you, and you grinned at him. "you having a nice time, doll?"

"yeah... do you want to..." you motioned to the dance floor.

"sure. anything for the lady."

don knew you weren't a good dancer, but as he watched you spinning wildly, he couldn't help feel a warmth rising in his chest. god you're beautiful. reaching your hands out for him to join you, he grasped them and pulled you into his chest. the benny goodman was soon changed to a vera lynn song. swaying gently together, don leaned down. "you look lovely tonight."

"so do you! not that you... don't look good all the time... i was..." he watched you trailing off, eyes locked with yours. you were giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes he'd ever seen, smiling lazily but contentedly. for a moment, he thought you were about to kiss him, but you leaned your head into his shoulder. he shook his head as skip gave him two thumbs up, penk mouthing go get em.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

“i’m in love with you.”

the words that left don’s mouth made you feel as though you’d just been given a congressional medal of honour. “i’m in love with you too.” you didn’t give him time to reply, leaning in and pressing your lips against his. the men cheered and whooped, but you barely heard it. the world seemed to have slowed in the most wonderful of ways. as you both pulled apart, don instantly grabbed your hand and made his way out of the pub. the cheering intensified, and you just grinned and waved at them before slipping out the door, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

[cringeyvanillamilk]

Who are the three or five black bulls each of your ocs, Koli and Adva, are most closest to? And who are the three or five non-black bulls characters they're most closest to? I hope I'm making sense English isn't my main language >_>"

It made a lot of sense so you’re good~! I’m actually very happy that I get to talk about my OCs!! I’ve been waiting for this moment to come-!

Koli Igneus

It takes a while for Koli to warm up to anybody, but these three specific black bulls were able to defrost her cold heart!

Gordon Agrippa - Out of all the members of the black bulls, Gordon is Koli’s closest friend, aside from her childhood best friend Adva. Koli is very intuitive and so it’s easy for her to know whether someone is good or bad, but with Gordon she knew that there were no bad bones in his body. What drew Koli toward Gordon was his genuine desire to make friends with other people. Koli is more of an ‘action speaks louder than words’ kind of woman, and Gordon’s actions only told her that he just wants to be close friends. Koli found Gordon’s attempt at participating with the other black bulls to be very charming, and so she decided to befriend Gordon and hang out with him. Gordon is happy to finally be close friends with someone who doesn’t ignore him or get creeped out by his appearance. If Koli isn’t with Adva, she’s usually with Gordon at the corner of the room.

Yami Sukehiro - Yami was the sole reason why she joined the Black Bulls and it was because of his interesting weapon of choice, a katana. Being a weapon fanatic herself, she was determined to learn how to use a katana and possibly create one using her cinder magic. Yami had no interest in teaching her because that’ll mean he’ll have to use effort, but after Koli’s countless attempts to get him to train her, he finally gave in. During their training session, Koli would learn how to fight with a katana and later other types of weapons from Yami’s homeland. After each session, they got more closer with each other. Koli was able to learn so much from Yami and grew to respect him as a captain. Yami teases her like anybody else, but Koli doesn’t mind since she was very appreciative of his cooperation from before.

Asta - When Asta first joined the squad, Koli was initially very standoffish towards him (and Noelle). But she was interested in him because of his anti-magic sword. The first few conversations they had together was mostly about his sword and how he fought with it. Other than that, she wasn’t interested in getting too close to Asta, despite Asta’s attempt to befriend her. Koli wasn’t that impressed with Asta’s declaration of wanting to be wizard king because she thought he was all talk, but soon realized just how wrong she was. After witnessing him relentlessly train and not giving up despite all the odds stacked against him, Koli grew to respect Asta and his dream. What solidified her to respect and completely befriend Asta was during the Water Temple arc. Koli realized just how much of a good person he was and officially befriended Asta and initiated a lot of their conversations. Koli and Asta would usually train and workout together. Overall, Koli thinks of Asta as a cute puppy while Asta looks up to Koli like an older sister.

Koli has very few close friends outside of the black bulls due to her bad reputation and cold personality. But since her character arc revolves around trusting others and being a team player, she was able to gain some close friends.

Fuegoleon Vermillion - The main catalyst behind her character arc. These two didn't start off on the right foot, mainly due to Koli's refusal to apologize for her actions towards his subordinates during missions and for blatantly disrespecting him. Due to Koli’s past experiences with nobles, she automatically disliked Fuegoleon and purposely acted cold towards him. Koli’s opinion on Fuegoleon changed when they had to work together to protect the citizens during a surprise attack. Koli was about to defend the people alone, but Fuegoleon karate chopped her head and lectured her on how a magic knight should properly act. Fuegoleon’s passionate words resonated within Koli and made her rethink the way she was behaving towards others. His words began to sink in once he was in a coma and Koli felt extremely guilty and strived to change herself for the better. Fuegoleon’s sacrifice made Koli believe that he really was a good person and wanted to show her respect towards him by being a better person. They have a much better relationship once Koli started to open up a bit more and apologize for her actions. Fuegoleon in turn respected Koli’s determination to change and warmed up to her better than before.

Leopold Vermillion - Having been inspired by Fuegoleon, Koli ended up warming up to Leopold whenever they were in joint missions together. Koli got to know the Vermillion family a lot better through Leopold and Koli found Leopold’s honest and fiery nature to be charming. Leopold’s determined personality also reminded Koli of Asta which is why she found it easier to get closer to him. Koli got better at working as a team with Leopold which made Koli very appreciative towards him. For Leopold, he respected Koli’s skills and sharp instincts and declared Koli as his older sister figure. Overall, these two work well together.

She generally becomes more friendly towards the Crimson Lions whenever she sees them. She acted pretty harsh towards these members, but her change in attitude was able to have some of them forgive her. Other than these two, she isn’t close to anybody else outside of the Black Bulls! She’s slowly trying though! In the future, she might get close with someone like Klaus. It’s either because of his leadership skills and logical thinking or his love for Asta lmao. Charlotte is another person I can see Koli highly respecting! Charlotte is very strong and reliable, and Koli might gravitate towards her type of character!

Adva Euterpe

Adva has a friendly personality and makes friends easily compared to Koli! She has the perks of being an extrovert!

Finral Roulacase - Finral and Adva are basically on the same wavelength when it comes to having a good time. They make a great duo because whenever Finral needs entertainment for his mixers, Adva is always there to provide her service. Adva would even volunteer herself (and Koli) to participate in his mixers! Finral relies a lot on Adva for his past time which made them closer as a result. Finral loves how witty and socially adept Adva is and Adva loves how light-hearted and charming Finral is.They rely a lot on each other whenever the other needs help. Finral usually brings in an audience for Adva to perform in front of while Adva makes sure Finral’s mixer goes well. Adva also helps Finral feel more confident in himself which is greatly appreciated by him. And Adva is happy to perform for a lot of different people thanks to Finral’s help. They have an extremely close friendship!

Noelle Silva - Despite Noelle’s cold front when they first met, Adva was not fazed at all and found her personality to be really cute! Adva is very experienced with different types of people and knows how to melt Noelle’s cold exterior. Noelle was embarrassed by Adva’s willingness to befriend her but quickly warmed up to Adva. When Adva found out about Noelle’s insecurity over her magic control, she was very vocal about her support towards Noelle’s hard work. Adva would frequently encourage Noelle whenever she’s down and play relaxing music to calm her mind. Noelle grew even closer to Adva thanks to her constant encouragement and understanding personality, which made Noelle think of Adva as an older sister she wished she had (OOF). They have a very close relationship!

Charmy Pappitson - Adva and Charmy vibe pretty well with each other! They both don’t want any trouble and just want to indulge in their spare time! Charmy makes a lot of delicious food and so it’s a delight for Adva to join in and eat with her! Adva and Charmy are similar in terms of how carefree and easygoing they both are. They have no trouble with each other which means they always have a fun time together! Adva likes to perform at the base so she’d play pleasant music as Charmy eats! Because of how chill they are with each other, Charmy always offers food to Adva first.  

Vanessa Enoteca - Similarly to Adva’s relationship with Charmy, these two also have a chill and fun relationship with each other! Whenever Vanessa drinks, Adva is there performing songs and sometimes Vanessa would sing as Adva plays her instrument! Vanessa is a great singer and so they work very well together! Adva would ask Vanessa to join her when she performs because Adva thinks Vanessa should show off her singing voice more often! These two are also drinking partners, though Adva doesn’t drink as much as Vanessa! They both just want to have a good time together!

Zora Ideale - When it comes to these two, there’s always a battle of wits. Both are very intelligent people and there’s always a lot of funny banter between the two. Adva doesn’t get tricked easily and so Zora is always trying to outsmart Adva with his rainbow stink bug prank. In turn, Adva would try and outsmart Zora into doing what she wants, but he always figures her out and foils her plans. It’s a fun relationship where they both try to test each other’s intelligence! When they work together though, it’s trouble for everyone. Despite this playful relationship, Zora does help Adva out when it comes to her weaknesses. Zora calls out Adva whenever she’s acting irresponsible or lazy to help Adva be more consistent in changing herself for the better!

Outside of the black bulls, Adva also made some close friends! She usually socializes with normal citizens but these are a few major characters she has a good relationship with!

Rill Boismortier - Adva and Rill would definitely vibe with each other! Adva found Rill’s personality to be cute and entertaining and so she gravitated towards him! Rill was happy to have another friend and so he welcomed her with open arms! Adva doesn’t get easily offended by Rill’s actions and only finds him even more cute! Adva playing different genres of music as Rill paint is a fun session for the both of them!!

Sekke Bronzazza - If there were any stans for Sekke, Adva would definitely be one of them. And it's not because she thinks he’s actually cool, but rather because he’s a fun character to watch. Every time she sees Sekke do his thing, Adva can’t look away from the circus show that’s right in front of her. She gets so hyped up every time she sees him because she knows something hilarious is bound to happen. Sekke mistook her excitement over him as her falling in love with his charm when in actuality she just sees him as her entertainment lmao. They both become very happy when they see each other in the same area.

Another person I can see Adva befriending in the future is Kirsch. Why? Because it’s Kirsch and she finds him hilarious.

[zealynstan]

Unlabeled Interview Final Part

Isabelle: And speaking of touring, like we're saying before, someone said in here, "I wish it didn't cost so much for you to share your music and voices." We could not agree more.

Zealyn: Oh yeah.

Isabelle: Wouldn't you say?

Zealyn: Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, there's so much we would be doing if it didn't cost so much, I mean yeah, I would have a music video for every single song well done, super well done.

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: Amazing live videos. I would have- I would be on tour all the time. I, oh my gosh, there's just so many things.

Isabelle: Yeah. We would probably- I'd probably be on tour all the time if touring didn't cost us so much money.

Zealyn: Yeah! Another thing that lots of people don't know is lots of the big artists, if you want to go on tour with them, we have to buy on to it. Umm...

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: And so recently, I just got an offer to buy on to this really awesome tour. I just couldn't do it. But yeah, just- everything is a pretty penny and so-

Isabelle: Everything's a pretty penny.

Zealyn: But you know hopefully, one day and I believe it will happen one day, our music will take off and we'll finally be able to make money like good money doing music and it'll come full circle at some point. So-

Isabelle: It will. It always does. I was listening to Tyler Perry on Supersoul Conversations this morning on my drive home.

Zealyn: Nice.

Isabelle: And like, same situation. I think nobody starts at the top and I think we forget that "Oh, we see all these people at the top." And it's just discouraging until you hear their stories and you realize, "Wow, they had no money either." He was talking about putting all this money into his first play and how he thought 1200 people are gonna show up. And it was at the 14th Street Playhouse in Atlanta, which I grew up in Atlanta so I know where that was. 30 people showed up.

Zealyn: Aww.

Isabelle: So he lost his car, he didn't have rent or anything and that was like, it sucked to hear that but wow, it's inspiring. And I hope that-

Zealyn: You see where he's come from.

Isabelle: Yeah. You see everything he's gone through and that we're doing the same thing and there's nothing different about it.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: Other than not stopping, everytime we get a "no". And that's why this podcast for me is important because I don't know how many of you are watching and I know there's dancers on here and there's singers and aspiring everything but I just hope that you realize that like there's really nothing you umm... that's gonna come easily.

Zealyn: Right.

Isabelle: All the hard things are so much better when you get them.

Zealyn: Yeah. Absolutely.

Isabelle: What is your- what's an insecurity of yours that you are fighting umm... like in your day-to-day or music or just personally? That's like a big question but-

Zealyn: Well, yeah, I mean- I don't- I think that one thing that I do that I- everyone does but I do especially is umm... living in LA for 5 years now, been able to meet a lot of incredible awesome musicians and songwriters and just so many awesome people and a lot of them are doing really good. And like actually though, it's not just "social media" really good but like they're genuinely doing so well and blowing up and always busy and I think an insecurity of mine is like, comparing myself to other people. Is that right?

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: So um... I always- I'll at least have one bad night a week where I'm just get sunk into that "Aww man! That person's doing so much better than me." and that- and it's a good thing! I'm so happy for my friends like, "Wow, she got that?" "She got that?"

Isabelle: You're not alone.

Zealyn: Yeah!

Isabelle: Everybody feels that way in life.

Zealyn: And that's why- but I think that's something that I struggle with, it's just not- I just need to stop comparing myself. Everyone's started from somewhere, everyone's path is different like it's okay if it's taking longer or, whatever.

Isabelle: Yeah, yeah. I know, but that's umm... it's really great that you said when you're really honest. Because when I look at you, I don't see that you are insecure about that at all because you're so like, in your own lane to me. But it goes to show that we are all the same in that way.

Zealyn: Yeah. Totally.

Isabelle: Those insecurities never go away no matter- even if you were probably a little more successful, you'd probably see the best above you.

Zealyn: People were doing even better right *laughs* for sure.

Isabelle: Umm... Tammy asked about social media handles, so we're just gonna plug this in real quick.

Zealyn: Oh!

Isabelle: So she's @zealyn on Instagram, and @zealynmusic on Facebook.

Zealyn: It's Z-E-A-L- Oh there it is, you can see it. Aww, wow!

Isabelle: Z-E-A-L-Y-N.

Zealyn: You're so well prepared!

Isabelle: I know, it's just me, it's all me, I don't want anyone helping me out. Umm... and then, do her a favor and go if you guys have Apple Music, Spotify, go follow her. It's the same spelling and just like actually click the follow button and like put all her songs on your playlists and actually listen to them. Don't put them on a playlist because I said so, but actually listen because all those little things help us kind of get our music heard and everything like that.

Zealyn: Totally. Yeah.

Isabelle: Umm... I had a question for you- Oh, somebody asked... I'm trying to get through comments- Hailey asked, "What's LA like?" *laughs* That's such a loaded question.

Zealyn: It is. Well, I don't know, yeah. So, I love LA, first of all, I'll start there.

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: There's nowhere else I'd rather live. I genuinely love this city, it is motivating, pushes you to do better, everyone is going hard like everyone's pushing themselves to be better than they were the day before. So that's the good thing about it. The bad thing about it is that everyone's pushing them-! *Both laugh* Everyone's doing so well, everyone is hustling and I think that's when you also get stuck in a trap of, "Wow, they're going out every week to shows and networking and I only go out once a week. Oh boy, maybe I should be networking more or-" you know, there's just- every stupid little detail, it gets in your head and umm... yeah.

Isabelle: Just don't- I don't wanna discourage everyone for coming out here but if you're gonna come out here, just know that you will be very lucky if you have instant success. I hope that you do, I really do hope that everyone can do that.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: But if you don't have instant success, you definitely have to look deeper into the other wonderful positive things happening that may not be exactly what you asked for or wanted but those are the things that you hold onto in order to stay out here because a lot of people don't last in LA because they think, "I'll give it a year and things would go well!" It sometimes happens but a lot of times it doesn't.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: And then it's discouraging and you're like, "Well, I'm just gonna go home." but you know, don't do that like wherever you go or if you go away to college or umm... you go to a new city like give it time. Even when I went to college and I went away from the first time, it was the hardest thing ever. I called my mother everyday like, "WHY'D YOU SENT ME AWAY? Why'd you sent me here?" and then, I was so fulfilled and happy. Ultimately, that's what made me such an independent person. And moving to LA too, there were days when I first moved to LA... I was alone, I had a couple friends from college that were here, I went through such bad depression. It's the type of depression where you wake up in the morning, and you don't have anything you need to do, or that needs your attention. And you slept for like 11 hours, and you still- you wake up like exhausted, and you napped throughout the day not because you're tired, it's literally just you're so depressed because you're numb, you don't know what to do.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: And guess what? Those things past, and they move away and the positive things come back and they slip in and then you're gonna slip back out of it. Right?

Zealyn: Yeah. And LA really is one of those places that you can't come to L- you can't visit LA for two weeks and expect to see LA and get a sense of the city in two weeks. It's impossible. It takes- LA is massive okay? I think people always think of LA like Downtown LA, like just the little downtown area, n-no. LA is huge, you can drive a whole hour and a half and still be in LA. So, it really truly takes like.... to me, it took a year. For me, it took a whole year to understand like, where everything is, where do I actually want to live, and it takes so long. Umm...

Isabelle: Yeah. It takes so long. I just feel settled now. I've been in here like 5-

Zealyn: I think I truly felt settled like- like I wanna live here forever after 3 years like it literally took 3 years. And I think at that point I was like, "I'm never leaving. I wanna stay as long as I can." Yeah.

Isabelle: I love it here too. So Gina just asked, "Are you going to Nashville?" I would love for you to answer that and tell us the cities you'll be touring in.

Zealyn: Absolutely.

Isabelle: If you remember them all.

Zealyn: Yes! I'll try.

Isabelle: Okay.

Zealyn: Uhh yes. I will be in Nashville, that show actually is announced already, tickets are at zealyn.co

Isabelle: Yeah, all the seats(?) are there.

Zealyn: Yeah, umm... But I mean, I could list them off, yeah. There's actually- I don't know, yeah so it's Minneapolis, Chicago, Indianapolis, Nashville, Atlanta; Beverly, Massachusetts which is my hometown, New York, DC, Philly, Pittsburgh... so that's all everything on the East Coast. West Coast is still like completely being figured out.

Isabelle: Okay yeah. Yeah, it takes time.

Zealyn: It looks like Seattle, Portland, Redding, San Francisco, LA, San Diego.

Isabelle: Uhh, can I open for you now? *both started laughing*

Zealyn: The West Coast one? Oh my goodness.

Isabelle: That's amazing!

Zealyn: Yeah that one's still like- we don't have the venues locked in or anyth- or the dates or anything.

Isabelle: Okay.

Zealyn: But it's August-ish.

Isabelle: August-ish, okay.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: Well, if you wanna hear all the dates, go to zealyn.co, that's just "co" not ".com", just "co". And all the dates are up there, all the info about her. She's- like I said, an incredible artist.

Zealyn: Thank you.

Isabelle: Go listen to her music and just support her and I'm really glad that you asked all these questions, I'll be answering all these questions when we're done.

Zealyn: Yeah. Such awesome fans! There's so many questions coming in.

Isabelle: Yeah, they're pretty incredible, I'm lucky I am so lucky that you all show up every week or every other week.

Zealyn: Yeah, that's amazing.

Isabelle: But, Unlabeled the podcast, episode 5, will be uhh... 2 weeks, April 7th, check it out. This podcast you're listening to right now will be up on Tuesday and yeah. Zealyn, thank you for coming, go follow her at Zealyn on Instagram and uhh-

Zealyn: Thanks for having me. You're the best.

Isabelle: You're welcome. I'm honored. I love you, thanks for being here.

Zealyn: Me too. Thanks.

Isabelle: Adios, everybody! *both waved at the camera*

Zealyn: Oh, did it end already? Bye!

[lurkerdelima]

Darling! Could you, pretty please, maybe write some FlintHamiltons? Post S4 AU where Miranda lives and they're reunited, maybe inspired by these lyrics; this is as good a place to fall as any / we'll build our altar here / make me your Maria / I'm already on my knees.

I enjoyed writing this so much, scrap, thank you! ❤️ I hope it’s something like what you had in mind.

The first bright morning James wakes to Miranda’s back pressed to his chest and Thomas’s strong arms circling his waist, he’s certain it’s all a dream. It simply can’t be real - he can’t have found this true and pure happiness again, after tasting it so briefly and having it cruelly ripped away from him.

But then Thomas stirs behind him and snuffles, nosing the short hairs at the back of James’s neck.

“Are you sure that we are awake?” he whispers, hoarse, and James feels his warm lips moving on his skin. “It seems to me that yet we sleep, we dream.”

“It is far too early in the day to be quoting Shakespeare at me,” James mutters in response, though he reaches down and rests a hand on Thomas’s forearm just the same. He’s warm, alive - gloriously real.

They leave the plantation, of course, posthaste. They settle haphazardly in the New World, since it seems as good a place to fall as any. They do not slide right back into what they were to each other before because it’s impossible - one can’t step in the same river twice, and they’re none of them the same people they were a decade earlier. Thomas says ‘ten years - feels like twice as long,’ and it’s sweetly humorous but also quietly devastating; it feels like at least five times as long to James, some days.

But then some days Miranda and Thomas bicker congenially about where in the garden is the best place to plant the tomatoes, and as he listens James finds himself grinning so fiercely it hurts. He whistles a work song under his breath while he plants the tomatoes in the back corner (Miranda won) and comes inside with dirt under his fingernails, the distinctive scent of tomato leaves on his skin, and an incredible lightness in his heart. When Miranda gives him a kiss of gratitude, he feels her genuine smile against his own.

Some days it rains and they don’t venture outside at all, just stay huddled close together under the same huge blanket (somewhere along the way Thomas learned to knit), drinking tea and taking turns reading passages from their books aloud. It’s on one of these rainy days that he and Thomas finally discover each other again, at last. Miranda leaves their shared bed just after daybreak, but James lingers with Thomas, and just as in their youth they’re irrepressibly drawn together. They move together to the rhythm of the rain on the windows.

Neither of them is a young, overeager man anymore. James isn’t nervous like he once was - he is nervous, now, but it’s different. Thomas’s hands aren’t as soft and James’s are a little more sure, more steady. They remember each other with urgency but not with haste, and when James finds completion in Thomas’s arms it’s with a shout and a sigh just like it always was, before. His toes tingle and his heart pounds, and somewhere inside him a voice whispers, remember? He looks into Thomas’s blue eyes and thinks, yes.

He’d never imagined he would find peace like this again. Captain Flint couldn’t have dreamed of it - wouldn’t even let himself think of it, the hurt was too great. Some vestiges of him remain in James, of course (the earring, that little tattoo, among other more nebulous things), but this easy domesticity has at last tamed the savage beast he’d become. It’s somewhat a relief, in a way, to let go of most of Flint and know he won’t meet his maker a dread pirate captain.

At Christmas that first year they all drink too much wine and Thomas dances Miranda around the kitchen in their bare feet, then gives James a turn, both of them stumbling and giggling as they each try to stubbornly lead the other. They barely remember the steps, either of them, but it matters not at all. James ends the night slumped in Thomas’s lap, head lolling on his broad, strong shoulder, and as Thomas and Miranda whisper conspiratorially to one another over his head, he curls a hand in the front of Thomas’s shirt and says I love you, I love you, because he never took a chance to say it ten years before and it suddenly seems incredibly important that Thomas knows. He does, of course.

They retire to bed together and when James sees Miranda in her dressing gown, glowing with a soft, real beauty in the candlelight, he thinks she looks a vision, like the blessed mother herself. He must say something aloud without meaning to, because next he knows they’re both laughing at him and Miranda is making a sly remark about how no one would ever believe her a virgin.

When he falls asleep between them, he sleeps the deep and dreamless sleep of a man content, at last.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

11:40pm.

I may have a stroke and die if I keep this up. Not entirely my own fault, though.

Thursday, April 2nd of 2020.

So before 10am tomorrow, I must:

Clean all the breadcrumbs or napkins from my bed

......

I thought the list was longer.

I must be putting too many loads onto myself.

I signed up for one too many free online courses when I hardly have an easy time getting out of bed in the mornings. (Since I stay up too late, and feel guilt over not being productive past 2am, lol.)

Had several rude awakenings recently, both the day my mom came into my room to announce she was moving out, and today when my mom burst in before noon to get a head start on throwing shit out. (YOU CAN'T JUST BURST INTO MY ROOM SUPER EARLY THE DAY BEFORE YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD COME, MOTHER.)

And she did other annoying shit, but all I can say is, "She's a stupid fucking control freak that gets off on feeling like she has some power over me."

What a bitch. :)

Anyway, it's 11:57pm.

I'm mainly trying to figure out how to balance cleaning, helping Eli out, doing my coursework without instantly dropping out due to exhaustion and just a weak attention span these days... and more.

Niggas annoy me.

I'll just take things slow......

For now, just spray the bed and shake out those crumbs. Whatever I can't control, I don't need to worry about.

And if that fuckass slut decides to go through my drawers or dump shit everywhere, then it will solidify me moving the absolute fuck out. :)

She better not act a fucking clown. My violent thoughts are coming back, and a lot of things have my nerves up. So the nihilistic urge to break the smug jaw off of that yellowbone hoe's face with a club is always in the back of my head, and every action she takes to go out of her way to spite me brings me closee to turning fantasy into a reality.

With that said, I've been watching too many "Kill Count" videos.

Plus, the documentary Tiger King was also kinda shocking. I didn't expect the scene where a guy planned a murder, or the woman who fed her husband to the tigers....

I should avoid "pro-revenge-murder" content, till I reach a happier headspace.

.......

I shouldn't worry so much.

So much has me on edge. How much I've spent on food delivery. The bumfuck economy. The government. And seeing how boring talk shows are when they are just nationwide streamed skype calls.

Yikes. :)

But, manifesting great shit:

My mother's actions do not affect me, hurt me, or harm me.

My mother's treatment is a projection od her own insecurities.

Life is full of light and abundance.

I desire fresh fruit and peaceful spaces in my household for me to reside in, safely and comfortably.

I desire walls lined with my artwork, scripts, and photographs to inspire me every single day of my life.

I desire lit candles, incense, and perfume to make my room the amazingly radiant space I'd desire for myself.

Clean walls, fresh smells, and good sleep is ahead of me.

God bless and amen.

That does help me feel better.

.....

I just felt a specific uterus cramp.

Has that much time passed already? Dear gosh....

Also, I'm listening to BMO!

I'm not sad! Or, not until I told myself, "Oh look!!!! You're listening to the Break Me Off song!! And not thinking about that time you cried watching Uncut Gems since you still wanted to fu--" Do I need to write the rest? Yall can find that for yourself.

I miss him a little, but not so much these days. Just the little things, like how his eyes flashed blue when he looked at me from the corner of his eye, or the smirk/grin he did when he was open about feeling happy, and genuinely wanted to express it.

Where did I put those earrings he gave me? The abalone shell ones. I don't think of him, they're just a sweet story to remember, and I like that he got them for me.

He's probably doing fine.

I don't feel the need to comment on how to feel about that.

Anyways.

....

12:30am.

I'm still unsure of how Rowan sees me.

He's cute as hell but like..... I don't know, fam.

I'm pretty damn bad at the whole "distance yourself from people you're not sure even like you" shit.

Hell, why else do you think I kept seeing my ex? If it was as easy as blocking a number or getting a painting back, a bitch would've been happy, yknow? And boy, look at how that bit me hard in the ass.

Whatever.

......

I just enjoy the fellow's company.

I think he usually messages me first when he thinks I'm awake, just to check in. He knows this quarantine shit is particularly bad.

A pretty nice dude. Too bad the UK is ridiculously far. I would've BEEN cuffed if that weren't the case.

Oh well.

12:37am. I better go to sleep soon.

Also, I may or may not curse out Patrick #1. I'm a lot more hotheaded lately? Some of it is just a classic case of These Bitches Are Idiotic, and other times its My Ego Is Hurt And Anger Covers Up The Wounds.

Also, Azalea is a whore. If you're reading this, whore, drink some fucking water and take a few laps every time you consider reading my page again. Do some healthy shit, dumb whore.

Anyways, I am tired and easily angered recently.

Gonna force myself to sleep soon.

High stress you know?

Peace out.