#i got the vaccine and all the boosters and yet . . . . . . . .

[miodiodavinci]

well 😔 after literally 3+ years of masking and double masking with N95s and KN95s and social distancing and not going anywhere where i can't be assured i won't be in close proximity to someone with COVID ya boy got COVID , , , ,

[dragongirl-brev]

I stopped wearing a mask for 2 weeks and I got Facking COVID

Seriously. id been masking everywhere in public since 2020, and only a couple weeks ago I went "if I'm gonna be regularly talking to hearing-impaired people & non-english speakers at my volunteer work I should probably take my mask off for lip-reading purposes"

Plus y'know. Basically no one in my city wears a mask for anything.

And then I left it off at the game store because socializing with visible facial expressions is more fun.

Fucking covid!!! :<

[woso-dreamzzz]

Injured VIII

Alexia Putellas x Child!Reader

Jenni Hermoso x Child!Reader

Summary: There's an emergency

"Alexia...Alexia...Alexia!"

Alexia comes back into consciousness slowly. It's still dark out and her alarm clock proclaims it to be nearly two in the morning.

Olga is standing over the bed and even in the dim light, Alexia can tell something is wrong. Olga is saying something but Alexia is still waking up and only tunes in at the very end.

"-Already called Jenni. She's going to meet us there."

Alexia sits up, rubbing her eyes. "Meet us there? Jenni? What's going on?"

She flicks on the bedside light. Olga is still in her pyjamas but she's wearing her coat over the top and a pair of shoes. She's got Jaume on her hip.

He's got old little red pinpricks all over his neck and arms.

"Is that chickenpox?"

"No," Olga says, babbling at rapid speed as she shoves the sheets off Alexia's body," I thought it was but I saw some article on my feed about how to make sure it's not anything else and-"

"Olga? What is going on?"

"I think it's meningitis," Olga finally says," And we need to take him to the hospital."

Alexia's up like a shot, hopping around on one foot as she grabs the first set of shoes she can find. "It can't be," She denies," We got him vaccinated. I remember it!"

"That's what I thought!" Olga says back," But the rash doesn't go away when I press a glass to it and you know how he's been lately!"

Alexia nods, pulling on a Barca issued jacket. She pauses as she moves. "Bambi," She murmurs before raising her voice," Shit, Bambi! She was running a bit hot after her ballet class. But I just assumed it was all the movement. My phone...Where's my phone? I need to-"

"I used it to call Jenni," Olga says as they both go running out the door," She's going to meet us there."

She and Olga get there well before you and Jenni do.

Jaume is taken to get a spinal tap but the doctor is confident that it's meningitis so puts him on antibiotics as soon as the procedure is done.

"I don't understand," Alexia says," My kids are vaccinated! Both of them! They're up to date. I took Bambi to all of her boosters! Jaume's scheduled for another one when he hits a year!"

"Sometimes vaccines aren't one hundred percent effective," The doctor says, clearly used to calming enrage parents," What matters is that you saw it and you got him in tonight. The spinal tap should confirm the diagnosis but we've already got him on an IV." The doctor turns to leave before stopping. "You've got another child?"

Alexia's head frantically nods. "Yes. A girl. She's four. She's being brought in now."

The doctor nods, scribbling something on his clipboard. "As soon as she's here, have someone page me. Older children find it harder to stay still for the spinal tap. I'll contact anaesthesia and get someone to bring a mask."

Alexia's head changes from nodding to shaking furiously. "No!" She says it a bit louder than she meant to that even Olga looks shocked.

"It'll be better," Olga tries to explain," If they put her to sleep-"

"No, I mean..." Alexia shakes her head, the words spilling out of her mouth naturally. "She's allergic! To Isoflurane! That's the gas anaesthesia, right? Right?"

She looks around wildly as the doctor's face turns grim.

"I'll get some local," The doctor says," I know we made you wait outside for Jaume but it would be best if you came in for your daughter, if we're only using local, to keep her calm."

It's a waiting game until Jenni arrives with you and Alexia finds herself doom scrolling. She's dived into whatever article she can find on meningitis in children and the more she reads, the worse she feels.

They're yet to be allowed into see Jaume as the staff work to get him a bit more comfortable but Alexia can see him through the window and he's completely passed out asleep.

"I didn't know y/n was allergic to anything," Olga says softly.

Alexia laughs. It's more a nervous chuckle than anything else. "I don't even think Jenni does. My father was allergic. It skipped me and Alba but I wanted to check for Bambi, just in case."

"It's a good thing you did," Olga says.

Alexia looks down at her phone. "Where are they? They should be here by now."

"They'll be here soon. It's going to be okay."

It takes another ten minutes for you and Jenni to arrive.

You look infinitely worse than Jaume. The rash is completely obvious, taking over your whole body and Jenni looks just as distressed.

It takes another ten for the doctor to return.

You don't understand what's going on. Your Ma-Jenni woke you up super early before the sun has come up. She didn't get you dressed or brush your hair how you like it.

She didn't explain much at all...or, anything really. She just put you in the car and didn't say anything.

You'd tried to ask but your throat felt all scratchy and your tummy hurt.

All you know now is that you're at the hospital with Ma-Jenni, Mami and Miss Olga. There's a strange man with cold fingers that takes your shirt from you and makes you curl up on your side.

"Ma-Jenni?" You ask, trembling," What's going on?"

"Ssh, Bambi," Ma-Jenni says. Her tone is harsh, harsher than you've ever heard her speak to you and your tummy ties itself in a knot at her words.

You can hear the strange man talking nonsense to the adults and your eyes go wide at the tray of tools that's wheeled in. They look pointy and sharp, like the tools from that silly doctor show that Tia Alba likes.

You suck in a harsh breath when you feel a pinch at your back. You yelp and instantly try to wiggle away.

"No!" You cry," No! Off! Stop it! I don't want to! I don't want to!"

You force yourself to uncurl. You don't want this strange man touching your back. He makes it hurt and you got want any more of his sharp tools in your skin.

There's a grip on your legs though, forcing them back into position. You turn your head to look at who's got you against your will.

It's Ma-Jenni.

Her grip is firm and hard as she forces your kicking legs still. One of her arms has clamped them together, forcing them to stop moving while her other hand is on your hip, forcing your down onto the table until you're immobile.

You want her hands off you. Ma-Jenni has big hands that are perfect to hold you but not like this, never like this. You don't want her touching you like this.

"Ma-Jenni," You sob," Stop it! Stop it, please! Please!"

She doesn't stop though, merely readjusts her grip and pushes you down further until you well and truly can't move your bottom half.

"Stop it!" You continue to say," Stop it, Mama! Mama, stop!"

Hands curve around your shoulders and these are familiar hands too.

Mami's hands are perfect to hold in yours. They're always warm and they always hold you so gently. But now they've got your arms pinned to your chest and are forcing your shoulders firmly into the examination bed.

"Mami," You cry," Please stop. Mami, please. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Mami! Stop!"

Mami's lips ghost your hairline. "I'm sorry, Bambi," She says, her voice a whisper that you can barely hear over your panic," I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. You just need to be still. I'm sorry."

You can't move and the strange man is doing things to your back. You can't feel any pain but you can feel pressure and you can feel when he sticks something beneath your skin where things aren't supposed to go.

The only thing you can do is move your eyes and they focus on Miss Olga, the only adult in the room that's not actively hurting you.

"Miss Olga," You sob," Make them stop."

Her eyes nervously dart to the door like she wants to run away but she doesn't. She steps closer to where the adults are holding you, crouching down until your heads are almost the same height.

"I'm so sorry," She says to you," It's going to be okay, I promise. They're just making sure you're healthy."

"Miss Olga, please," You reply. You try to kick out your legs but Ma-Jenni just grips them more tightly," I'm sorry. I can be good. I can be better!"

"Hey," She says softly when your eyes dart towards your Mami," You are being so good. There's no one being better. Do you know what's going on?"

"No."

"You're very sick," Miss Olga speaks gently to you and brushes away a portion of hair that's covering your eyes," And we need to know what's wrong. Do you remember a few months ago when we came here and they put a needle in my arm?"

You do remember that. It was on one of hospital visits that you went on to see baby Jaume in Miss Olga's belly. They took some of her blood that appointment.

"They takin' my blood?" You ask shakily.

"They're taking a little bit of fluid from your back," Miss Olga explains," And they're going to test that for the illness they think you have. Like how they took my blood to make sure I was healthy."

You sniffle.

Mami and Ma-Jenni's hands are like shackles around your limbs, wrapped around your flesh and unwilling to even give you an inch.

"I'm scared," You whisper.

"That's okay," Olga whispers back," It's always okay to be a little scared. But you're doing so well. You're being such a brave girl. I'm sure it won't be much longer now."

You can feel the thing in your back moving and you try to shift with it but Ma-Jenni's hand clamps down on your hip and anchors you to it so you can't move again, not even a little rock back and forth.

"Hey," Olga says, pulling your attention away from what's happening at your back," Your Mami told me that you've moved up in ballet. I'm sure it's so much fun."

"It is."

"That's great! Do you want to tell me about it?"

Actually, you find that you do what to tell Olga about your ballet. Your words come out stilted and stuttered but you force them out of your mouth.

Olga smiles at you. She's got a pretty smile, you think. Mami must really love girls with pretty smiles.

"That sounds so cool," Olga says to you," You must be so talented." She leans a bit closer to you and you don't even feel the man taking the pointy thing out of your back. "Hey, maybe when you're all better, you can show me some moves. Only if you'd like to."

You duck your head down as the hands slowly leave your body. "Yes, please."

You're rolled onto your back but you keep your head tilted to look at Olga.

You don't know much about her apart from the fact that she's marrying your Mami and they had baby Jaume together.

Mami and Ma-Jenni are still talking to the doctor so you can fully focus on Olga.

She and baby Jaume look alike, you think. They've got the same eyes and nose and face shape. You think that baby Jaume might get her pretty smile when he's older too.

Her hand is gently resting on the side of your bed and you very gently move your own until your fingers are touching.

She hasn't got big hands like how Mami and Ma-Jenni's are big but they're still bigger than yours. They're safe too. You know this because she's never once dropped baby Jaume, even when she once tripped over and fell on her butt. She didn't drop Jaume once.

She smiles her pretty smile and you smile too, not even noticing when the nurse hooks you up to an IV.

"Hey, Bambi," Mami says," Everything's going to be okay now. I'm so-"

You stubbornly don't look at her and she frowns.

"Bambi?" Ma-Jenni asks," How's your back?"

You don't even deign her with an answer. It's still early and you're very tired. You don't want to talk to them, not when they pinned you down like that.

"I'm sorry," The nurse says," But I'm going to have ask you all to leave. The legal guardians can sleep over but that's all."

You don't know what legal guardians means but you do know that Ma-Jenni isn't one. She lives in Mexico for most of the year so she can't be your guardian because you don't live there with her.

She looks like she's going to argue but she doesn't. She reaches to give you a kiss on the forehead but you flinch away and she stops before her lips can press against your skin.

"I love you, Bambi," She says," And I'll be back to see you as early as I can."

You don't answer her.

It's just Olga and Mami left.

"I'm going to go sit with Jaume," Olga says and you frown.

"Jaume's sick too? Did I get him sick?" Your bottom lip wobbles.

"No, of course not." Olga says firmly," You and Jaume just got sick at the same time. It's very sad but it does happen."

"Really?"

"Yes." She heads to the door. "I hope you feel much better later. Maybe, if you feel up to it, you can tell me about your trains? Your Mami says that you love them a lot."

You nod. "Yes."

Then, it's just you and Mami left.

The nurse has set up a little bed next to yours for Mami to sleep on.

Mami seems a little nervous with you, pulling at the sleeves of her pyjama shirt. She looks at you.

You look at her.

You only saw her a few days again, when you painted pottery together and you asked her if you were wanted.

Mami doesn't sit in her bed, she pulls up a chair next to yours. She tries to reach for your hand but you pull it away before she can touch you, cradling it against your chest as you stare.

"Bambi," She begins before shaking her head and stopping. She takes a few moments before opening her mouth again. "I'm very, very sorry."

Those weren't the words that you were expecting.

You still don't answer though. If you blink, you can still feel her phantom hands over your body and the iron grip she had on your limbs.

She scoots the chair closer.

"I love you so much and I'm so sorry that you're sick."

She looks like she wants to say more but you don't really want her to keep talking.

"Bambi, I...I have not been a very good Mami to you," Alexia has to force the words out of her throat even if you give no indication that you can hear her," And I'm very, very sorry."

You still don't say anything. You just lie on your back with your eyes wide open.

"I'm sorry for what happened at home and I'm sorry for what a few-"

"I'm tired, Mami," You say, your voice quiet and exhausted.

"Right," Alexia says, scolding herself inwardly at keeping you up. It's still the middle of the night. "You go to sleep, Bambi. I'll be right here if you need me."

The stress of everything tonight seems to knock you out quickly but Alexia doesn't move to her own bed. She doesn't move. She doesn't sleep. She just stays in that seat even as a nurse pops their head in to confirm that both you and Jaume have bacterial meningitis.

A week hospital visit and IV's full of antibiotics is what awaits you both, baring any complications.

Jenni returns as soon as visiting hours begin again, pulling Alba and Eli in tow.

Eli diverts briefly to check on Olga and Jaume while Jenni and Alba come straight to you. You're still asleep when they arrive, lying on your back with a cannula in your hand to administer your medication.

"You look exhausted," Alba says in greeting, handing off a cup of to-go coffee to her sister," Did you sleep at all?"

"No." Alexia continues to stare at you, focussed on the soft rise and fall of your chest as you sleep.

"I'm surprised you're still here," Alba continues and, for once, her tone isn't biting. She seems genuinely surprised. "Haven't you got training?"

"I called off for the week," Alexia replies," And next week. It's more than enough time for them both to recover."

"You're taking time off?" Alba looks even more surprised than before. "Like, actually?"

Alexia doesn't know why that's so confusing. "Of course. My kids are sick. They need to be looked after."

Alba's mouth opens and closes a few times before she settles on something to say," How is Jaume?"

"Good, better. The doctors said that it's good we caught it when we did. The longer the rash is there for, the worse he could have gotten. It came up last night. We caught here as quick as we could."

Alexia's glad for that. She has no idea what could have happened, how much worse Jaume could have gotten if they had left it a few hours, let alone a few days.

Jenni is strangely silent at her words, reaching out to gently brush some of your hair out of your face.

"How long of a hospital stay?" Alba asks.

"About a week for both of them. The doctors said that they're going to do a hearing test with Bambi in a few days and then four weeks after she's recovered."

"And Jaume?"

"The same," Alexia confirms," Olga is with him now."

"Mama's with her," Alba says," We picked her up on the way."

There's a rustle of sheets as you blink awake. A yawn takes over your whole face as you wake up.

Mami, Ma-Jenni and Tia Alba are all looking at you and you pull your blankets up until they're over your nose.

You don't like the fact that Mami and Ma-Jenni are in the same room together. You can still feel their weights on you, pinning you to the bed as you struggled to get free.

You don't want them here. Not within arms length of you, in case they take your top away again and pin you down.

"Tia," You croak out and Alba pushes past Ma-Jenni to take your hand.

"You're not looking too good there, Bambi," Tia Alba says," How are you feeling?"

"Is Jaume still sick too?"

"He's getting a lot better. Your Abuela and Olga are with him now."

"Is Abuela and Olga going to get sick too?"

"No, don't be silly. Adults don't get sick like that." Tia Alba's teasing you. She's putting on a silly voice and it shocks a little giggle out of you. "I'm sure once your Abuela is done with baby Jaume then she'll be right in to see you."

"And Olga too?"

Alexia goes rigid in her seat. "Olga doesn't have to come in if you don't want her to."

You don't even acknowledge she's talking to you.

"No one has to come in that you don't want to," Jenni promises you but you don't give any indication that you heard her either.

"Olga thinks that I'm talented," You say to Tia Alba," She asked me about my ballet and my trains. She wanted to know more. Did you bring any of my trains?"

The bag on Jenni's shoulder is passed off to Alba. She digs through it, pulling out a spare change of clothes as well as a few model trains that had been shoved in there this morning.

"I want to show Olga my trains," You say," When she's done with baby Jaume." You run your trains over the bed, making little chugging noises with your mouth.

"I think that's a great idea, Bambi," Alexia says but you don't answer.

You haven't acknowledged her or Jenni since you woke up and it's put her on edge. Even when you were scared a few days ago, you still acknowledged her.

But your focus is purely on Alba but even that is hit and miss.

Whenever Alba reaches out to play trains with you, you flinch away. You look up at her in shock each time before glancing back down at your arms as if you can't believe you flinched.

"How are you feeling, Bambi?" Eli asks as she comes in.

You shrug and raise your hand. "They put a thing in my hand."

"They put one in your brother's too," Eli says," It's to give you your medicine."

"Did they put the thing in Jaume's back too?"

Eli nods. "They did."

Your eyes are haunted as you stare at her. "Did they pin him down too?"

Whatever bubble that the room was in bursts and Eli notices the way Alexia and Jenni both exchange a wide eyed look, like two little children caught red handed.

Eli has to think over her words carefully. "You're both very sick," She settles on eventually," Do you know why they had to put something in your back?"

You parrot back the words Olga told you and Abuela nods.

"That's right," She says.

"Olga says I was very brave even though I was crying."

"I'm sure you were the bravest little girl in the world," Abuela kisses your forehead but her lips feel too much like Mami and Ma-Jenni's and suddenly you can feel their hands on you again.

You kick your legs out and move your arms to shake the phantom hands off and they're gone as quickly as they appeared.

"Alexia, Jenni," Abuela says," Can I talk to you out in the hall?"

As they all leave, you look through the windows of your room.

Olga is lingering outside, looking into your room every so often before looking away.

"Tia Alba," You say," Can I still show Olga my trains?"

"Should I bring her in here?"

"Yes, please."

Ma-Jenni and Mami stay outside with Abeula for a long time but you don't even notice.

You've never talked with Olga like this before, not really. There had been a few moments when she was pregnant with baby Jaume where you watched things together and you helped her cook but you had never been like this with her before.

You hand her one of your trains and smile when she plays with you, gently moving the trains around your bed together.

"Is Jaume going to be okay?" You ask her because she's Jaume's mami and she knows things like that.

"He's going to be just fine," She promises you," And so are you. Just a few more days."

"I'm going to miss ballet," You say," That's bad. Mami never misses her training so I shouldn't miss mine."

"Your Mami's missing training now," Olga says," And she's missing it until you get healthy again. That's what you should focus on. Getting healthy again so you can go back to ballet."

"Mami is missing training? Why?"

"Because she wants to make sure you're okay," Olga says," Because she loves you."

You don't believe her but Olga looks very serious so you think that she must think that's true.

"Olga," You say," I'm hungry. When's lunch?"

She laughs a little bit about your blatant change of subject. "A few hours still," She says," How about I go to the shop and get you a snack?"

Olga slips out into the hallway where Eli is still lecturing Jenni and Alexia about their treatment of you. Your sobs and begging still rung in Olga's ears, the way that you cried and cried and begged and begged.

"She's hungry," She says, interrupting the lecture," I'm going to get her a snack."

"I'll come with you," Jenni says," I need a coffee."

The trip to the little shop was awkward, made even more awkward when Olga selected a plain chocolate bar only to have it plucked from her hand and replaced with one with caramel.

"She thinks the plain ones are too hard," Jenni says, almost carelessly," She doesn't like how they feel on her teeth. She prefers caramel."

Olga stares down at the chocolate in her hand, noting down another new thing in the column dedicated to you in her mind. It's painfully bare with only a few things - trains, ballet, the allergy she found out yesterday and now your favourite kind of chocolate.

She had told Alexia she wasn't threatened by Jenni and that's still true but that doesn't mean that Olga isn't intimidated.

Jenni just looks a bit intimidating with her tattoos and her height and the stern look on her face when it comes to you.

"Thanks."

It's silent for a moment as they both wander through the winding hallways back up to the peds wing.

"No," Jenni says eventually, shaking her head like she had been fighting with herself," I'm sorry, Olga. But I have to know...How could you let this happen? With Bambi, I mean? Stuff like this doesn't happen overnight."

Olga wants to bolt, to run and escape this but she holds herself firm as she scrambles to find something to say, knowing exactly what Jenni is talking about. "I didn't notice," She settles on eventually," It is wrong to say but it is true."

Jenni can't seem to understand though. "But how? Bambi is...How could you just not notice?"

"I just didn't," Olga says," And that was wrong of me. It was wrong of Alexia. We've talked about it...a lot...We're trying to move forward, for y/n."

Jenni looks at her, long and hard and Olga suddenly understands what rival players feel when they see Jenni come onto the pitch.

"Don't let it happen again," Jenni says firmly before taking off again, leaving Olga to scramble to keep up.

You're exactly as they left you, sitting in the middle of your bed. You're making chugging noises with your mouth as you run a train over Eli's arm.

Alexia is back in her seat next to your bed but you've scooched away from her as far as you can get.

"Caramel!" You cheer when Olga presents your food," That's my favourite! Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

You munch happily on your food a little but before you stop to scratch at your rash.

Automatically, like she did a few days ago when she first noticed it, Jenni takes your hand to stop you scratching.

You violently flinch away, tearing your hand away from hers. You scrunch your eyes closed firmly as you suck in air.

You can feel the hands on your legs again, forcing you to go immobile as the strange man pokes and prods at your back.

"No!" You cry out, turning away and curling up under your blanket," Stop it! Stop it, Mama! No bad touches! No more bad touches!" You kick your legs out. "No! Stop it!"

"Out," You can hear your Abuela say.

Eli-"

"Out, Jenni! Alexia, you too! Olga-"

"I'll go and see Jaume. He should be up from his nap by now."

"No! No! No!" You continue to chant as the blanket is pealed back.

It's not Ma-Jenni though. It's Abuela with Tia Alba hovering over her shoulder.

You sniffle if you sit up again.

"What happened, huh, Bambi?" Abuela asks," What was that about?"

"Mama hurt me," You say," When the strange man touched my back. I asked her not to! I asked her to stop!"

"I know," Abuela says," I know, Bambi."

"I didn't know what was happening," You say," It was scary and Mama wouldn't tell me what was going on."

It was very scary. You didn't think Ma-Jenni would do that to you, would pin you down and not explain what was happening. Mami could be harsh sometimes and you know she can be rough on the pitch too. She even said she was sorry while doing it but Ma-Jenni didn't.

Ma-Jenni told you to shh and pinned you down and didn't say sorry. You can still feel her hands on you, constantly pinning your legs down and pushing you further into bed.

She didn't say sorry at all and that's what scares you.

"I'm sorry that scared you," Abuela says," I'm sure Jenni didn't mean to."

"She didn't say sorry," You say," And she hurt me."

"Bambi-"

"She did! I'm not lying!"

"No one says' you're lying," Tia Alba assures you," I think you're telling the truth but, Bambi, you needed to have that done, so you can get better."

Ma-Jenni comes back when it's dark. There's no lights coming through your windows and the moon is out so you know it's night time.

Mami is meant to be sleeping on the bed next to you but she's not there.

The door to your room opens though and Ma-Jenni steps in.

But she doesn't look like Ma-Jenni though. There's something different about her. Maybe it's her too sharp features or her too pointed teeth. Maybe it's the curve of her nails or the way she's looming over you.

You can't move and Monster-Jenni's sharp claws dig into your legs easily.

You shriek but she's pressing her whole weight down onto the hand that's got your legs while her other one pins you down by your chest. You can't move. You can't stop her no matter how much you plead and beg and sob.

She's still holding you with bad touches and the strange man appears again. He's got too sharp teeth too and a massive needle that looks even scarier than before.

"Mami!" You cry as you jolt awake, gripping your bedsheets and screaming.

Mami's up like a shot, looking around like she thinks someone's hiding in the shadows. You're scared that Monster-Jenni is there too.

"Mami!" You sob, reaching desperately for her, your mind recycling her apologies as she held you down.

This time though, you crawl into her arms and sob, burying your face in her shirt as you cry.

For a moment, Alexia is in shock at your willingness to touch her. Whatever you had dreamt about must have been bad because you've curled your body around hers and Alexia very carefully curls her arms around you.

"It's okay, Bambi," She whispers," It's okay. It wasn't real. None of it was real. I've got you. Mami's got you."

"Mami," You whimper," Mami, it hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything!"

"I'm so sorry, Bambi," Alexia says and she knows that you know what she means, just like how you know she knows what you mean by everything," It's all going to be okay. I promise, this is all going to be okay. No matter what happens."

"I'm scared, Mami."

"I know, Bambi. I'm going to help make it better."

[speedyslothboi]

I spent an hour making a flower crown today. I'd never made one before. It didn't turn out very good; clumsy knots and and sticky fingers and broken petals but I still put it on and smiled. I never got that kind of childhood. I wondered if this is what healing feels like: sitting on a picnic table, gently warmed by the sun, breathing in the world. I have so much to do (an ap psych test in three days, ethics bowl nationals and science olympiad state to prepare for, a read through for the play on Monday) and instead I went outside and listened to the birds.

Then I got home and cried. Because 30,000 people will never get to make a flower crown again (and how many never had? It took me 17 years. That's more time than many of them ever got). I haven't breathed clearly in 6 months; a weight on my chest and a pit in my stomach but for one hour, I felt like I could breathe, the smell of grass unfamiliar but comfortable (and how many died in that time? Trapped under rubble? The weight on their chests real).

I feel like I've been sitting Shiva for strangers halfway across the world but I'll die before I finish mourning (575 years is a lot to ask of this body). I'm not doing a very good job. But what else can I do but remember? I don't know know what to do with myself. I'm heartbroken and horrified and I am so angry. I go to school and hear kids talk about tik tok drama and I want to grab them and shake them and yell "how can you think about anything else? How can breathe around your guilt well enough to speak?" I feel like I know to much and too little, never informed fast enough. I feel like I'm grieving and like I have no right to grieve. I'm tired. I'm not doing well (I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth and I still need to schedule my fillings and do my laundry and change my sheets) but I feel so selfish doing anything to make myself happy, like I'm stealing joy I don't deserve. And I know that I'm burnt-out (years into it) and that I have to take care of myself too but I just don't know how to carry all this grief. And this isn't about me (I'm making it about me, aren't I?)

This will be the first presidential election I get to vote in and I can't vote for him, I can't. And I'm scared. People keep saying it's selfish not to but I'm the one who will face the consequences. I'm one of the "vulnerable" people (does that make it self-sacrificial? Does that make it okay? To risk my communities if I am at risk too?)

Paul Alexander died three weeks ago. I can't stop thinking about him. (Most of the articles won't tell you why though; that one of the most vulnerable members of society was abandoned to a disease that has killed 3 million). I keep seeing inspiration porn articles about how he didn't let his disability "stop him" (I feel like I'm "letting" mine stop me). None of them mention "I love the sun, but I haven't felt it in a long time. It's lonely." (I feel lonely all the time but I didn't feel lonely at the park, with dirt in my fingernails. I don't really believe in heaven but I hope it exists so Paul can sit in the sun again). I think of Paul and I am filled with rage. 5,000 people die of covid every week; that's one person every five minutes (how is that okay? how could you abandon us for "normal"?) and I'm one of three people out of 2200 at my school who still wear a mask. I got the most recent booster two days ago (the one only the "vulnerable" can get as if long covid isn't becoming an increasingly documented mass disabling event. And the genocide is one too. And what about the countries we blocked from getting vaccines with patents. How dare we condemn the global south to suffer without vaccines only to stop getting them). And I need to buy more masks (yet another expense to exist while disabled) and they aren't free anymore so it's another 3 hours of work. Cases keep rising despite the lack of testing and wastewater doesn't lie. And whats the new variant? News isnt reporting on it anymore because "no one cares" (I care. I need to believe others would care if they knew. Maybe thats just wishful thinking) I still have at home tests but their negatives feel like taunts (a positive is a positive though, I remember)

I don't really have any friends. I have acquaintances and people I work with for projects but I don't want them to be my friends. My mom and my therapist keep telling me to reach out and do things with them (I know it would be good for me to socialize but doing so would put me at risk. They can't even wear a mask, and I'm supposed to choose to spend extra time with them?) Neither my mom or therapist wears a mask. (My mom fought for me when doctors didn't believe anything was wrong. Fought for 7 years to get a diagnosis and now she won't protect me.) I go to the doctors and even they aren't wearing masks (didn't you learn your lesson?).

I've seen people complain about "boycott fatigue" and I'm just wonder how you are surprised? I lost faith 2 years ago when people decided that disabled people's lives weren't worth discomfort (I used to value the nuance, how it isnt that simple. Now my compassion is shot. My empathy used up on three million deaths. But it is, isnt it? Simple that is. You just dont care enough). When the accessibility we begged for for years that had been "impossible" was suddenly "easy" when everyone needed and then taken away just as quickly. The second you could leave us behind, you did. So how could I be surprised people would do the same for Falastin? I love theatre, and I'm excited for too much light. But half of them will walk in with Starbucks on Monday (and none of them will be wearing a mask) and I know these people will never truly be my people (I resent them and love them but mostly I'm disappointed.)

I've been crying alot. I never used to cry. Sometimes I feel like that means I'm healing (some of the time I wonder if I have the right to heal right now). It's like this grief keeps overflowing but the world keeps turning (and how can everyone keep living right now?) and homework keeps coming and the genocide keeps happening and I need to get back to making my magma composition notes. (I left the flower crown at the park. I felt guilty about picking the flowers; that must be bad for the environment, right? How selfish, to kill things just to make a silly crown, and I didnt even do it very well. It fell apart within a minute. An hour of work crumpled in my hands. A moment of enjoyment stolen at the cost of life, what a bad vegan I am. Anyway, i left the flowers there, to decompose where they were born)

[bobaandasiandramas]

THE TRUTH UNTOLD

Pairings: Lee Rang x F. OC

Rating: M+

Trigger Warnings for this chapter: None

Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

Sleep didn’t help one bit. In fact, it might have made things worse. He could tell by dead silence in the air that Eun-ji was already gone for the morning. He lazily looked over at the time. It was early, earlier than when she normally leaves for work. He was in a sour mood because of it. Maybe if he didn’t sleep he would have caught her in the kitchen before she left. 

Eventually after laying in bed for much longer than he ever wanted to, he flung off the blankets and got ready for the day. He glanced at the red blanket on his bed, debating if he wanted to give it back or keep it for himself. He sighed and gathered the soft material in his arms before walking it to Eun-ji’s room. 

Her room was still in disarray, the clothes from last night were still on the floor and her bed nest was a mess, almost like she woke and rushed out of the house. Rushed away from him. The thought alone made his mind darker. How could he go from feeling so victorious to this? Unhappy with everything, he placed the blanket on her bed, scenting it for her out of habit first, and lifting his phone to his ear to call Yuri. Maybe she could help him get out of the foul mood. 

Now if the fox had gone to the kitchen and proceeded with his normal routine he would have seen the note that was left behind on the counter by the coffee pot. 

Lee Rang, 

Sorry I didn’t wake you. I had to rush to work this morning - Shin-Joo called me early. His friend, Lee Yeon, got hurt and he had to tend to him. I have to open the hospital alone. I feel like we need to talk about last night, I wasn’t in the best state of mind. I hope you’re willing to give me some moments of your time. I’ll text you when I go on break.

Mae Eun-ji

He would have also noticed the cell phone that was left behind by the wolf in her rush to leave. He didn’t have the whole picture and so his sour mood continued on. 

***

Eun-ji sighed as the front door to the clinic closed behind the patient. Her morning had been a little busy, she had gotten in early to call all of the appointments and switch them to a later date or time. She kept all the simple appointments such as nail trims and follow up booster vaccines because Shin-Joo didn't need to examine pets for those types of appointments. 

Her stomach rumbled with hunger but she couldn’t take a break yet - she still had three more appointments coming in for little things. With her rush this morning she wasn’t even able to grab a coffee, let alone any breakfast. Maybe she could ask Lee Rang if he could stop by and bring her something? She patted her pockets for her phone but it wasn’t in any of them. 

She started thinking back to when she had it last but only remembered bringing it into the kitchen this morning. She thought to herself that she must have put them down with the front door keys after opening the building. The wolf walked over to the desk in the back of the office and found the keys but there was no phone in sight. 

Dread fell over her shoulders. She must have left it home. Groaning in disappointment and grief, she slumped into the chair at the desk. She had left the note for Lee Rang that she would text him during her break, but now she couldn’t. She didn’t even know his number because it was just programmed into her phone, so she couldn’t even call him from the office line. 

She lifted herself and went into the small kitchen breakroom to see if Shin-Joo had any food she could snack on. There were some stale saltine crackers on one of the shelves or a small snack sized yogurt in the fridge. She decided on the yogurt and planned to replace it as soon as she could. 

The small snack wasn’t very filling, but it was strawberry banana flavored which tasted pretty good to her. She let her mind wander back to how she was going to talk with Lee Rang later and cringed over every scenario. She really wished she never opened her mouth last night. Ki Yuri has warned her not to talk to Lee Rang yet about their situation until she was completely sober. Yes she wanted things to slow down but she could have handled it better. 

The jingle of the front door opening sounded and the wolf quickly placed the last mouthful of yogurt on her tongue before tossing the plastic cup out and calling out to the person. “Be right there.”

***

Lee Rang stood over the jewelry case as he spoke to the attendant.  He selected a watch not really caring about the price as the man informed him of how expensive it was. Rangs eyes slid over to a mirror that was displayed on the counter and looked at himself. "In your eyes, how do I look?" 

"You are every man's dream. From head to toe." The young man answered. 

"But then, why do I see ruins? I'm sick of opening my eyes every day. No matter what I buy or eat,  there is no fun or emotion. I must have lived too long."

The man behind the counter chuckled a little and checked the time on his own watch to adjust the time on the watch the fox was buying. 

Rang looked over at the man's jewelry. "How much is that watch?"

"Ah, this one is cheap." He answered and he covered his gloved hand over it. 

"Then why do you wear it?" 

"It's a momento from my late father."

A thought jumped into Rang's mind,  something intriguing to him. "Then it must be precious to you."

"Yes. It is the most precious thing in the world to me."

"Let me see it." Lee Rang held out his hand, waiting for the man to hand it over. Once the watch seller did,  Rang looked at the back to find a message written in pen. 

"The handwriting is cute, right? My father couldn't write so I taught him." He sounded proud. 

Rang smiled and nodded his head. "Give this to me."

"Pardon?" The watch seller was clearly thrown off by the words that came from Rang's mouth. 

"Instead,  I'll give you my watch." He gestured to the brand new watch he was about to buy. 

The shopsman chuckled. "You're joking, right?" 

"Of course not. I'm curious which one you'd choose. It's it family? Or…" 

The man looked at both watches when Rang placed them next to each other. He was hesitant,  unsure which watch to choose. 

The fox smirked at the man's racing mind. It was clear the new watch was something the human would never be able to afford of his own. 

Ultimately,  the man bit the bullet and gave Rang his father's watch, asking several times if Rang was sure about the exchange. As the fox moved to the register to pay his eyes landed on a necklace. It was silver chained but the pendant had a silver wolf and a rose gold fox curled up together like a yin yang. 

"I'll take that as well." He pointed to the necklace. He didn't know why he was buying it -  Eun-ji hadn't been happy with everything going on and this would surely add fuel to the fire. He couldn't turn away from it though. 

"Ah, excellent choice. It's from the new nature line that just came out. Is this for a special lady?"  The man asked excitedly as he was ringing up his new watch for Rang to pay. 

"Something like that." 

Rang exited the jewelry shop and stepped into the passenger side of the car.  Yuri was happily waiting for him. 

"Shall we go?" Once he gave her the okay she drove off. She didn't see any bags so she assumed he didn't find anything he liked. 

They drove in a comfortable silence, Yuri not having a destination gave her freedom to drive wherever she wanted. She hoped that maybe driving around would let Lee Rang sort out whatever was going on in his head. If he wanted to talk to her he would. 

A few moments later he rolled his window down and dropped something from his hand. 

"What was that?" The vixen asked, getting ready to slow down and turn around for the object. 

Lee Rang didn't seem worried about whatever it was. "Something that was very valuable to some young man until now." He paused, still looking out the window. "Now he doesn't have things like that. Just like me."

The vixen frowned at his mood, something must have happened. When they reached a red light she sent a quick message to Eun-ji, asking how she was feeling this morning. Yuri decided it was probably best to avoid talking about the wolf with her fox friend. So with continued silence she began to think about her own worries. 

She felt the sleeve of her dress fall a little, revealing her scars and she tugged the fabric back up to cover them. “It’s unpleasant to see this, right?” She spoke out loud. If anyone would be truthful it would be Lee Rang. 

He turned his attention toward her gazing at where the raised marks were hidden under her top. Her scent turned a little sour with her words. “I like it. It suits you.” It wasn't a lie, Yuri was tough and it gave her the look, letting others know not to mess with her.

Yuri wasn’t happy with his answer this time. “I don’t like it. It’s like I’m advertising the fact that I’ve been in the zoo.” She stated grumpily.

“Who said that?” He was a little confused, it was definitely not something that Eun-ji would have said. There weren't many others that Yuri spoke with.

“That veterinarian.” She answered. “He doesn’t go after me like other males. He looks at me with sad and pitiful eyes.”

Lee Rang could feel she was upset over this male fox. “You just have to make him not look at you like that.”

“How?” Yuri was surprised that Lee Rang had some advice on the matter.

He smirked devilishly. “If he doesn’t have eyes, he can’t see.”

“Ahh.” Yuri didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t want to hurt the veterinarian but she was also confused about her thoughts on him.  The conversation couldn’t advance from there because suddenly Lee Rang asked her to stop the car. “Why?”

“I hear something.” He responded as she pulled over to the side of the road. “Let’s go.”

***

Eun-ji was sitting on the couch waiting for another appointment to show up. There were only two left that she had scheduled for the day - the rest were evening appointments with Shin-Joo. Having a moment to relax, the wolf closed her eyes as she pulled her legs up to the couch, curling into a ball. The next appointment shouldn't be  there for at least another twenty minute so she was going to take advantage of the situation. 

Only a few moments into relaxing, the office doors opened quickly causing Eun-ji to jolt up, she slipped her shoes back on and stood up to greet the client only to see Ki Yuri. The wolf was pleasantly surprised to see her best friend. “Ah, Yuri - what are you doing here?” 

Yuri was shocked to see her wolf friend in the veterinarian’s office. “THIS is the office you work at?”

“Yes, it - OH MY GOSH! What happened?” The veterinary nurses’ hands flew up to her mouth as she watched a yellow lab puppy come limping behind her friend. Without waiting for an answer she moved into action. Gently she approached the puppy and frowned at it’s condition. 

“That’s why I’m here, he was being beaten by three young men, Rang and I saved him from them.” 

Eun-ji didn’t have time to worry about her own problems, she scooped the puppy up in her arms being extra mindful of the larger injuries it had to his neck and front leg. She placed the pup on the exam table and began her initial assessment since Shin-Joo wasn’t there. She was relieved that the puppy wasn’t in critical condition but he wasn’t doing well. 

The wolf listened to the puppy’s heart and lungs and noted down the vitals for when Shin-Joo took over. She hung her stethoscope over her shoulders and turned her attention to her friend. “He’s stable, which is good.”  Eun-ji reached in her pocket for her phone only to then remember she left it home and groaned in frustration. 

“What’s wrong?” Yuri asked as she walked closer to the wolf.

“I left my phone at home and my boss isn’t here. His friend was sick and is coming in a little bit. I don’t know his number by heart to call him about this. I’ll just have to do some supportive care until then.”

Yuri took a seat as she watched her friend work. The wolf was good, cleaning the injuries out gently and giving a pain injection to help the puppy feel a little better.  She even took care of two minor appointments that showed up. Eun-ji didn’t once try to talk about anything outside of work and Yuri respected that. 

The wolf excused herself to the back of the clinic to get warm towels for the puppy and a moment later the front door opened. Yuri watched the veterinarian dance around with a bucket of chicken in his hand. “You’re back?” She ignored the way he jumped back from her. “Why do you leave your workplace during operating hours? If I was alone I would have been so bored and died.” She stood from her seat. 

“What are you here today for?” He asked her. 

She scoffed a little bit and turned her attention to the puppy. "Treat him.”

Shin-Joo placed his food down with wide eyes and hurried around the exam table. Grabbing his stethoscope, he started listening to the heart and then moved to checking his eyes. 

“How is he?” She asked, concerned. She knew Eun-ji had taken good care of the pup but the wolf was also not a doctor. 

“His bones seem to be shattered. His nutritional levels are a mess, his skin problems are severe, and his neck has been completely dug into. Where is my necklace?” 

Yuri scratched the back of her neck. 

“I need to talk to him.” He held his hand out as Yuri looked around. “Hurry.”

“Darn it.” She dug into her pocket and threw the necklace at him. 

He caught it with ease and put it on. “What happened?” He listened closely to the puppy. “It hurts a lot, doesn’t it? So that woman didn’t do it? Okay.”

Yuri rolled her eyes. 

“So it's not an abandoned dog.”

“I stole it. I thought he’d be better off abandoned and living in the street.”

“Yuri, You did well. I didn’t like that you stole my necklace, but you are cool as a dog thief.”

“A dog thief?”

“I wouldn't be able to do it since I can’t cross that line.” 

“Ah, as for me, well. I don’t have any lines.”

“Ah, Shin-Joo, you’re back.” Eun-ji came out with towels in hand. 

“Why didn’t you call me when Yuri showed up?” He asked.

“I apologize. I left my phone at home when I was rushing to get here this morning.” Eun-ji stated as she handed him a towel. “Wait, you know each other?” 

“We’ve met before.” He answered and turned to Yuri. “Can you wait over there?” He pointed to the seat she was in before. 

The vixen sat down and watched the doctor and nurse work in tandem on the patient. She found herself staring at the veterinarian and couldn’t figure out why her heart was pounding so hard in her chest. 

***

With much urging from Shin-Joo, the wolf was sent home for the evening. She bid Shin-Joo and Ki Yuri goodbye, almost a little sad that her best friend wasn’t walking with her, but the wolf could sense something between the two in the office and decided that was something she would question later. The walk home wouldn’t be too long and she could sort her thoughts for talking with Lee Rang on the way, that’s if he even wanted to talk at all. 

Her head was so filled with other things that she wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings. She didn’t hear the feet that quickly came upon her and didn’t sense the other person until it was too late. A hand over her mouth and another around her waist, dragging her into the alleyway. Her screams were muffled and she bit down hard on the hand that prevented her cries from being heard. She was able to yell out a few cries for help before she was silenced again.

“You dumb bitch.”

She froze. She knew that voice. Kyong. 

***

Lee Rang returned home and sat on the couch, noting the silence in the house again. The thrill of beating those kids only lasted until he gave Yuri permission to break their hands. Things like that used to be thrilling, his adrenaline would rush for hours after but now it was only in the moment that he felt anything at all. 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the notifications. No messages. No missed calls. No Eun-ji. She must really not want to be near him. He thought to himself, growing more and more annoyed at each passing thought. He was to the point where he wouldn’t be surprised if she never came back. 

He felt a growl in his chest at the thought. He needed a drink. Stepping into the kitchen, he made a straight line to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of soju. He chugged half the bottle in one gulp before tearing the glass away from his lips. He placed the bottle on the counter as invading thoughts entered his head again. Just as he was about to take a second sip a piece of paper caught his eye. 

It was a note from Eun-ji, he read it with dread that it was a goodbye note, but it wasn’t. She wanted to talk with him and he felt his heart rush suddenly. That’s when he noticed her cell phone next to the note on the counter. He wasn’t happy that she had forgotten it but she was at work so it wouldn’t be too bad. He decided that he would leave soon to go pick her up like he normally did. 

Once he reached Coffee Bay he ordered their normal drinks and sat at an outside table waiting for her. He kept reminding himself not to get his hopes up that things would be back to normal between them. He took a sip of his coffee, letting the hot liquid sit on his tongue for a moment before swallowing it down. He glanced at him watch and sighed. He needed to relax, she would be there soon.

However another ten minutes had gone by and still nothing. He grew impatient. It could be that she got stuck at work, especially since Yuri went there with the puppy. He groaned with realization and pulled out his phone, dialing his fellow fox. The conversation did not go as he wanted. Eun-ji had already left work, but thankfully only a few minutes earlier. Lee Rang didn’t have the patience to wait so he grabbed their cups and started walking in the direction of her job. He would bump into her eventually. 

***

Mae Eun-ji was pushed forward by the man as he checked the bit on his hand. “You know, I was going to be nice to you. I thought about putting in a good word and seeing if I could bring you back home. Maybe we could have fixed things but if you’re gonna be a little shit and bite me again then I’m gonna let him do whatever he wants to you.”

Eun-ji was confused about what Kyong was saying. “Who are you talking about?” 

He ignored her question. “I thought he was crazy at first but after meeting your little fox friend before, I know a lot more. Everything makes more sense now. There was a reason I could never figure out who you are. Then again, he also told me to stop looking into your past, he’s the reason you don’t remember it anyway.” Kyong took a step forward. 

She took a step back and mentally cursed herself for it. She was going to be backed into a wall if she didn’t hold her ground. “Kyong, I don’t understand. Who is ‘he’ that you’re talking about?” 

“It doesn’t matter. He wants to see you, so we’re going to go. You’re going to be the obedient bitch that you were before and maybe, MAYBE, I’ll ask about bringing you home with me. Got it?”

“No. Kyong, I’m not going with you anywhere.”

“Yes, you fucking are.” He reached out and grabbed her arm. 

Eun-ji kicked her leg out, hitting her foot into his knee and broke his hold with her free hand. She turned to run back up the alleyway but her hair was grabbed and she was yanked back. 

“God damn it. Don’t you see that I’m trying to be nice?” 

“Nice? Leaving me alone would be nice.” She grabbed his hand that was in her hair and dug her nails into his skin as hard as she could. 

“Can’t believe I did so much for you. I loved you and took care of you and this is how you repay me?” He threw her into the alley wall. 

Eun-ji caught herself before he hit her face into the bricks. “You’re joking right? You didn’t love me. Maybe I was foolish and thought I loved you at one point. It wasn’t love. None of it was.” 

He moved forward and grabbed her shirt but she knocked his hold off immediately. “I sacrificed so much for you.” 

“No, I sacrificed for you. I thought you were the only answer, that if I left you then I would be lost, that I would be worse off when the truth is that staying with you was the worst thing I ever did.” 

“YOU BITCH!” Kyong raised his hand and as Eun-ji went to block his hit, he quickly swung his other hand across her face. The slap was loud and echoed in the alleyway and the wolf fell over, not prepared for the attack on the other side of her body. 

Her cheek instantly throbbed as she placed her own hand over the mark that was now on her face. “I knew you were worthless.” The words reached her ears before she watched the man in front of her get thrown to the wall. 

Lee Rang looked furious and was quick to jump on Kyong, throwing punch after punch. 

Eun-ji was surprised to see him there - thankfully, his timing was always unbelievable. The ferocity of him wailing on Kyong should have scared her but it didn't. Instead all she saw was his protectiveness. He was always looking out for her. She knew her decision was right then. 

As much as she didn't like Kyong right now you couldn't let Lee Rang go to jail for killing a man. She scrambled to her feet and quickly approached the male. “Lee Rang, wait. He knows something. Something about my past.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and he ceased his punching. 

He let Kyong drop to the ground as he turned his attention to the wolf. His eyes fell to the mark on her cheek and he cradled her face in his hands. “Are you okay?” He asked, his voice dropping with concern. 

Eun-ji nodded her head as her heart raced. She wanted to bury herself into his side but it would have to wait. “I’m okay, but Kyong knows something about my past. More like he knows someone who knows my past.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to him. Can you wait over there? I’ll feel better if you’re not near him.” He dropped his hands from her face and waited for her to walk a couple of feet away. He turned his attention to Kyong who was bleeding from his eyebrow and lip. “You’re lucky I didn’t do worse. Now that is subject to change with how much you play along.” 

It didn’t take much, a broken finger or two before Kyong was squealing out answers. “I swear I don’t know his name. He’s just powerful.” Kyong sobbed out. “He told me that Eun-ji-” He was suddenly being choked. 

“You don’t get to use her name, understand?” Rang spat out as if the words were venom.

Kyong nodded and started coughing once air rushed back into his lungs. “He told me that she has a hidden past. I don’t know what it is exactly but I know about you creatures. He had me watch her, make sure she stayed hidden and safe.”

“Safe? You beating and trying to sell her was keeping her safe?” The fox grew more furious. 

“He didn’t pay me what I wanted and he already punished me for that too.”

“Who is he?”

“I told you, I don’t know his name.”

“How do I find him?”

“You don’t. He contacts me.”

“Pity that you couldn’t be more useful.” Lee Rang’s eye started to glow. “This time, he won’t be able to fix you.” 

***

The walk home was quiet but she pressed herself to his side as he placed his hand on the small of her back like always. Once they returned home Eun-ji ran into the bathroom and got some supplies to clean Lee Rang’s bloodied hands. She returned to the couch where he was already sitting. She took a seat next to him and placed her hand out for him to put his hand in hers. 

“You don’t need to do that.” He spoke gently, but placed his hand in hers when he saw the look on her face. 

She worked gently and quietly, cleaning each cut meticulously. Then she carefully bandaged the ones that she could. She held his hand for another moment. “Thank you again Lee Rang. Yet again your timing was just right to save me.”

Lee Rang thought back to finding her with Kyong. He was heading toward her job with their coffees when her scent hit him first followed by the sounds of a scuffle in the alleyway. He all but threw the coffee to the ground and quickly turned into the dark pathway. He could hear her voice, she was annoyed about something, sounding rough around the edges, it didn't suit the honey softness he was used to.

He came into view of her just in time to see Kyong smack her across the face. From there his vision turned red, he could kill him this time. How dare that scum even look at her. Rang was on Kyong in seconds, hitting him over and over again. He was lost in the moment until her hands landed on his shoulder. 

He shifted closer to her on the couch, cupping her face in his hands again. He drew their foreheads together before dipping his head to run his nose along her red cheek. There was a red hand print from Kyong that made him furious, he let the human off easy - he should have made him do horrible things to himself. “I’m sorry.” He whispered against her skin. 

“Why are you-”

“I once promised you that he would never hurt you again but he did anyway.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek and then another and another. Gentle brushings of his lips to try and take the pain away. 

Eun-ji whined at his actions, not in a bad way - in fact she enjoyed his affections a lot. “Lee Rang,” She whispered as she threaded her fingers in his hair. “I want to talk about everything between us but don’t say anything until I’m done, okay?” 

She felt him nod against her cheek before he put their foreheads together again. “I know I probably drive you wild with mixed messages and I’m like a song on repeat when I say it’s been moving too quickly. I’m tired of trying to slow down whatever it is we have. I don’t want to fight it anymore, I want to let it progress at whatever rate it needs to, so I’m willing to let everything run its course if you’re also willing to see what happens.”

Rang felt his heart race and stomach fill with flutters. “Of course sweetheart. Whatever you want. I won’t push it.” He pressed a few more kisses to her cheek before moving to her neck, pressing a few there and tossing in a nip or two. “You must be tired. Let’s head to bed and I will look more into this person Kyong was talking about tomorrow. ” He started to guide her to his room from the couch.

“How will you do that?” 

“I have my ways. I also want to start training you with self defense. You do well but I want to make sure you’re fully able to handle anyone who comes at you. Either I or Yuri will help you with that. Maybe even both of us.” 

“Okay, I’d like that.” 

He pulled a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for her to wear. Not wanting to send her to her own room to get changed. He stepped into the bathroom to change and give her privacy. Once she gave the okay, he came out with a box in his hand. “I almost forgot about this. I saw it and thought of you.” 

She opened the box and was surprised by the necklace. “Rang, this is beautiful.” She looked at him and smiled. “Thank you, I love it.” She had him help her put it on and when it fell against her skin she couldn’t stop the smile. “Thank you.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and was happy.

[tumblasha]

10.02.2023 - grateful

i feel like this is a word that’s brought up a lot in my writing [1] and today is not any different. this month is so special to me!! let me list some reasons why:

a. reunion month (i saw a college pal today in LA, i will see a high school pal next week in nyc, i will see almost everyone here This Weekend in nyc!)

b. it’s my little brother’s bday at the end of the month! oct 23 if u wanna send david some happy bday thoughts :)

c. learning that my life is flexible! i work remotely!! i can work from wherever!!! [2]

d. end of this week will be my official first completed month of being an Employed Adult with a Big Job renting an Apartment with Roommates who are Nice to me

e. i saw pabllo vittar today! talked to some brazilians!! i met a peruvian-boricua (bori-peruana? idk)!!! glad i wore my ear plugs bc pv was yelling all night (positive)

f. i’m planning to travel internationally next year!! taiwan in march and hopefully perú in june / july [3]

i just love myself, everything, and everyone & i wanted to shout that into a void for more than 280 characters

thank u,

<3 -dc

---

[1] if u look up “grateful” or “blessed” on my twt acct you will Find things, esp references to this one mha panel of the main character thinking his life is blessed (he’s surrounded by his friends having dinner) right before they all go into war. the war part is less applicable. (i also journal in my notebook but no one will see that)

[2] been feeling homesick. looking forward to november, going to stay in houston for two weeks LOL

[3] my grandpa (dad’s dad) has been feeling lonely so we wanna say hiii. he deals w lonely-based depression and it’s hitting hard again bc i think my aunt and young cousin moved out :( kinda scared tho bc he and my grandma (dad’s mom) hate hate hate traveling so i forgot if they got their covid vaccines yet (they don’t even like the 3hr car + 2hr plane trip to lima). i’m sure they got at least a first dose, idk abt boosters, but my fam hates masking so i hope they’ll mask up for them :((

[lindwurmkai]

i have to say i am feeling rather incensed about the covid situation once again. just found out that reports of long covid have been on the rise lately, and my country is literally in a fucking recession because too many people were sick last year. how much longer until somebody does something?!

people act like "the lockdowns" were traumatic or some shit when very few countries in the world actually had proper lockdowns. what was even the point of those half-assed measures? my life literally went on as normal. no change except for occasional toilet paper or cooking oil shortages. if that was traumatic, imagine how traumatised i must be from just living like that the whole time lol.

and the "mask mandates" lmao. did a single country anywhere actually get those right? no cloth masks allowed, no surgical masks allowed, filter masks handed out for free, adequate education about proper fit and how to safely reuse disposable masks? did anyone do that??? did any government on this planet actually try???

then we got vaccines and how that was handled certainly varied from place to place, but by now i don't think anyone advertises the need to get regular boosters anymore. people are literally out there thinking they're safe because they got a booster over a year ago. others are trying to get another booster and can't even make it happen for various reasons.

after four fucking years, at least some of the richer countries should have made ample progress upgrading the ventilation systems in all public buildings by now. is that the case though?? certainly not where i live. please do tell me if someone somewhere is doing it right because i am really losing my faith in humanity here.

like ... my groceries being more expensive is certainly not what i personally want to focus on regarding this matter, but the recession is a measurable effect that people have noticed and yet the news article that initially reported it didn't so much as mention covid with a single word. "respiratory infections, such as the common cold, bronchitis or the flu" were apparently the biggest culprits. which, uh. even if all those put together had been more prevalent than covid (something we cannot possibly know since many people don't test anymore and write it off as a cold immediately), previous covid infections could have easily contributed by making people more susceptible to catching them.

shaking my damn head for real

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Tried to order Booster Juice and they don't allow you to add ginger, beets, spinach, or kale anymore??? I only wanted to add ginger this time, to my Mango Hurricane, but it was not an option! Shenanigans! How am I supposed to get over this sickness without my placebos in addition to all the vaccines I got? I demand ginger, garlic, and honey as I need them (smoothie, soup, and tea, respectively)!

Also someone explain to me how my jello arrived warm and is still warm after almost an hour in this cold room, despite not having an internal heat source, but my hands are freezing when they are attached to me, a warm-blooded animal? I mean, first of all, I thought jello is usually refrigerated in the grocery store, but second of all, how has it not cooled down yet?

[meret118]

These vaccines are the first that aren't rolled out by the U.S. government, and without funding that was directed to public health programs in the state of emergency, the outreach is nowhere near what it was at the height of the pandemic, said Lori T. Freeman, the CEO of the National Association of County and City Health Officials (NACCHO).

. . .

All insurers are legally required to cover the COVID-19 vaccine, and the federal government is stepping in to pay for vaccines for those who lack insurance through the Bridge Access Program. But insurers have been slow to implement these vaccines into their systems, leading to the stuttered rollout of the vaccine, said Dr. William Schaffner, an infectious disease and health policy professor at Vanderbilt University Medical Center

"There have already been people who have gone to their pharmacies and physician's offices looking for the vaccine and have discovered that they haven't been covered yet, so that means they're going to have to come back again," Schaffner told Salon in a phone interview. "A vaccine deferred is often a vaccine that is never received, unfortunately."

. . .

Nationally, COVID hospitalizations have been steadily increasing since June, along with the rise of Omicron variants like EG.5 (nicknamed "Eris") and FL.1.5.1 (nicknamed Fornax.) The vaccines are predicted to work against these strains of the SARS-CoV-2 virus, which evolves naturally in ways that will sometimes render vaccines next to useless. This is why new shots must be developed with some regularity.

. . .

Meanwhile, approximately 18 million Americans have developed long COVID and data suggests that number will continue to rise with more infections. Although the immunocompromised, elderly and people with other health conditions are the most vulnerable to severe infection, COVID-19 continues to be one of the top 10 leading causes of death for children in the U.S.

This rollout, including mRNA vaccines from Pfizer and Moderna, boosts immunity toward Omicron variants. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommended the shots for everyone 6 months and up and projects that this could prevent 400,000 hospitalizations and 40,000 deaths over the next two years. 

. . .

Regardless, the question remains about how many people will take the new vaccines. Only about one in five people got last year's bivalent booster and one in four adults in the U.S. are completely unvaccinated, according to CDC data and the KFF survey. Although it has been improving over time, uptake has been particularly low in Black communities, in part because vaccination sites are disproportionately located in white neighborhoods but also because of decades of mistrust built up in response to prior medical malpractice.

Notably, just 6 million doses have been put aside for the uninsured through the Bridge Access Program, when at least 27 million people in the U.S. are uninsured, Freeman said. The demand for vaccines is a moving target that distributors are trying to balance without losing money, she added, especially because these vaccines have to be kept cold and take resources to store and administer.

-----

Absolutely get the vaccine! I recommend calling your insurance and pharmacy first though.

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

Hello, it's me, the COVID vaccine test subject! I'm always first in line to get new COVID vaccines because I have long COVID and I'm not trying to make it worse. Here are some things of note about the new (as of 9/25/2023) COVID vaccine from Pfizer based on the experience of me and my mom who just got it on Sunday.

General info:

The vaccine is usually called Comirnaty or "The 2023-2024 Covid Vaccine" when you're signing up to get it. It's generally not referred to as a booster. All Pfizer vaccines fall under the name "Cormirnaty" so make sure you're getting the latest one, it's always good to ask the office, clinic, or pharmacy you're scheduling with if you're unsure.

According to the pharmacist who administered my shot, it wasn't supposed to be out for a few weeks so some insurances, including Pennsylvania Medicaid, won't cover it yet. It's $190 out of pocket. I would recommend getting in contact with your insurance company or the place you're getting vaccinated to ensure that you're not going to have to pay for it.

The vaccine is FDA approved and uses MRNA technology, the same as the original Pfizer vaccine.

Side effects (I received the flu and covid vaccines at the same time in the same arm, my mom received only the covid one, will update if/when my dad and sibling get it):

I had very manageable arm soreness and swelling. I've gotten this with every vaccine I've gotten, some are worse than others, this was one of the less severe ones. The swelling isn't interfering with my arm movements at all, it's just certain movements are painful.

I also had extreme sleepiness today, I fought to keep my eyes open for most of the morning and ended up skipping class and just going back to bed for most of the day. There are several factors that could play into this. I went to the ren faire on Saturday and my big crashes are sometimes delayed by a day. I also got both vaccines at the same time which can sometimes cause worse side effects. I wanted to mention it because it could be related to the COVID vaccine alone. I would plan to get the vaccine on a day where you don't have work or another big event going on.

My mom had more severe arm pain and limited range of motion. She struggled to move for the first day. She, like me, often gets a bump and/or pain following shots. She (by her own admission) forgot there were things she could do to reduce the swelling so that might have contributed to her having such a hard time with it.

Tips:

Keep your arm relaxed as much as possible during the shot. Tensing the muscle causes the shot to hurt more.

Move your arm a bit after the shot to reduce pain, but don't do anything strenuous.

If you're able to, take a pain medication with anti-inflammatory properties shortly after getting the shot.

Use a cold compress if the swelling becomes bothersome.

If fear is a barrier to getting a shot, it's perfectly acceptable and actually good to talk to a doctor about taking an anti-anxiety medication beforehand. I use weed or CBD, but you might also be given one dose of a sedative like Ativan or Xanax.

[trilobiter]

I haven't mentioned it yet because I didn't really know what to say about it, but my wife and I got covid on our way back from vacation last weekend. Almost precisely three years after we cancelled our first attempt to go on this vacation because of, well, covid.

This is the first time either of us have ever tested positive for covid, and we have tested whenever we've felt sick. And this is definitely the sickest I've felt since I last had the flu, which was incidentally just before the pandemic began.

The scariest part for me was when she had a high fever for several days, and I didn't know how high it would get or how long it would last. We've both been vaccinated and received every available booster, but when it's all happening you just can't take anything for granted. Fevers are terrifying.

But the most physically miserable part for me is the sore throat. I've actually lost track a few times of how long we've been sick, partly because of not ever leaving the house, but partly because my throat has kept me from sleeping much of the last two (three?) nights. Part of the reason I'm even writing this is because I'm anxious about trying to go to bed now. The fatigue, the coughing, the congestion, the chills and aches; those are all just kind of icing on this sore throat cake.

Like I said, we're both vaccinated, and neither of us have needed to be hospitalized. She's taking paxlovid because of concerns about her chronic conditions: I was given the option, but the doctor said that my case appeared so mild that the side effects might not be worth it, so I passed. But mild or not, it's really been kicking my ass.

At this stage it seems like we'll probably come out fine in the end. But I looked up the statistics and it remains a fact that people are still dying of this disease. Nearly seven million people in the world are known to have died of it. There's probably more. Sobering thought when you can't sleep.

If you haven't gotten vaccinated yet, I can now recommend from immediate personal experience that you do. Take the appropriate measures to blunt the impact of this thing, because even when the blow is blunted, it still hits hard. This virus doesn't fuck around.

Gonna go try and soothe my throat enough to sleep long enough to not go insane now.

[ringchollyandfriends]

Posting has been a bit harder, so here's a update:

The Good:

- Bean has been with me for 1 year as of yesterday and it's a nice celebration! Yes, she's shy around strangers and very scared of unkown dogs when I was told she was the opposite ("loves everybody, people and dogs"), which brings a lot of grief BUT I fell in love with her by watching her on sniffari walks and watching her enjoy... Being a dog. She is loving in her own suttle yet intense ways, she is unbelievably easy to take care of and she is in better health that she's ever been before meeting me. That alone (giving her a better quality of life) makes all of this worth it. I'm not perfect, but knowing that she no longer knows pain she had been living with for years is a huge relief and joy.

- I got my covid booster vaccine today and I'm really happy about it!

The Less Good:

- I'm still searching for my small/puppy very friendly gundog. It's been a little over 3 years of constant search this month and I'm exhausted and sad. (You'd think finding a well bred labrador or spaniel puppy I can afford without be so hard.)

- Nelly is sick. Thankfully, behavior wise, she's okay and eating and drinking, but she has persistant diarrhea despite medication. Which is extremely unusual for her. We're getting a fecal sample tomorrow and if that's negative, she will be going in for bloodwork and we'll go from there. We are working on finding what's wrong, but after Chopi and Nelly being a piece of my heart, it's hard. I'm looking forward to her feeling better soon.

[sapphire-weapon]

Hey

It sucks you got covid. Hope you'll get better and don't have many symptoms

ty bro

i'm like triple boosted so honestly i thought it was allergies bc it's monsoon season and my symptoms are runny nose and sore throat and not much else

but i have also been uncharacteristically tired the past two days, and i know i'm not in a depressive episode, but i do have epstein-barr, and that shit got really aggravated the first time i got covid (when i was just base vaccinated and boosters did not yet exist)

and i also knew that my director had been out with it

so i tested just to be safe and

yep

the only real downside is that i have to burn through like literally all of my PTO now, and that fuckin sucks nards

[maryellencarter]

still alive. found out that if you tape an n95 (or equivalent) to your face with paper medical tape apparently you get like 99.6% filtration, which stacked with a vaccine booster even at the discouraging 70% efficacy rate for the badassfullest variants gets you to like a 0.35% chance of catching the covids, and (if my math is math) a 0.35% chance of *that* of both catching it and then passing it on, which is something like one in 80,000 odds. which is within a serious significant figure range of it not actually making a difference whether you go out to things or not, you still won't get anybody else sick. (don't make me figure out the probability. i slept through stats class. got an A, but like fuck do i remember it. i can do percentages and multiplying fractions on my head though)

anyway. so that happened. and then there was an email newsletter of all the weekly happenings in town. and i went a drag show and a drag queen recommended me a queer yarn shop, and i'm going to a knitting group tomorrow for the first time since lockdown. also there's a coffee shop that is also a bookshop, and a place specializing in anime merch (no lupin iii but i did find leia some cute original art), and a japanese botanical garden that i haven't been to yet, and a geology club that meets on monday evenings once a month and now that i can actually get out of work on time i can plan to go to there regularly hopefully maybe

christ, i literally haven't spoken to a geologist since i left indiana that i can remember

anyway so then i was slightly less depressed and went to work today and promptly spent seven hours before lunch dealing with shit because my job is still what it is, but it's a little better when it's not the only thing i will ever have again

at some point i need to make a proper donations post because missing three weeks of work from one of the worst depressive episodes i've ever had does bad things to my ability to make the rent, but i'm pretty sure i don't have the math brain to do the math on that right now. i think i'm gonna be a couple hundred short but right now i'm just trying to decide whether to take a bath first or fall asleep and bathe later

[unicornachos]

personal post!

hey hi I’m alive sorry for abandoning my blog for like 1.5 yrs??? I had a bunch of health issues and mental health stuff too :’) 

Like very full on... god what HASN’T happened. 

My body had a weird reaction to the covid vaccines in 2021? I ended up in hospital etc and was sick with mystery fatigue and shit for months and months.... I think I went to hospital like 4-5 throughout 2021? My body seems fine with the MRNA boosters I’ve gotten so maybe something in my body just hated the astrazeneca vaccine?? I’m kinda bitter about it bc of the ambulance bills I had to pay, but still, thank god for vaccines amirite

then, the apartment I was living in and loved got bought by someone who then wanted to move in, so I had to leave the place I loved living to somewhere still nice but way more expenno, and my health issues kinda continued?

then I started a new job

then my mental health got REALLY bad over the 2021/2022 christmas period to the point where I had to call an ambulance for myself bc my mind was in such a bad place. 

Then I started taking SSRI’s for depression/anxiety, but I had this weird reaction to the drugs and we think I had serotonin syndrome because of its interaction with the asthma meds I’ve been taking all my life? But at the time no doctors would listen to me and basically gaslit me into thinking all the pain was just a physical manifestation of my anxiety. Anyway, it caused some of the most horrific pain i’ve ever experienced in my life, in particular nerve and muscle pain in my legs, and I had to shower sitting down for weeks, couldn’t walk much around the house, and needed super strong meds to knock me out so I could sleep. 

I slowly healed and could walk again and do normal stuff for me around... late April?

While I was recovering I stayed with my mum but still paying rent in Sydney bc all my shit was there, so in June I killed my lease, put most of my shit into storage with a friend’s parent’s mini warehouse they use for their business (absolute legends and wholesome humans and I sent them money every month lol) and moved back home.

I started studying a certificate level course I’d been wanting to get over and done with for ages, so at the end of June I started studying.

Then once again mental health got bad, I tried SSRIs again, thinking it was me who was the problem last time I took them. BUT ACTUALLY, NO. Same physical reaction to the meds as last time, if not worse. It wasn’t my brain making shit up, it was an actual fucking drug interaction issue that ppl had tried to tell me was my anxiety and/or imagination!!! Queue horrific pain, weird symptoms, and once again the inability to walk or clean or work from anywhere but the couch.

Dr and I decided any meds that effect my serotonin levels are a no-go probably forever, and so I’ve been looking into CBD oil over the past few months to see if that will work for things instead.

Now I’m about... 2 months from that reaction, and started CBD oil 2 weeks ago (no reaction, side effects, or really anything yet) and can work at my desk as long as I have a big ass XL foot rest under my legs to keep them propped up, because I get nerve pain if I sit normally :’) I still can’t really go anywhere or walk anywhere other than around the house and for super short periods of time.

Also I powered through and finished my course just last week, so that’s out of the way at least! 

Other than that, I’ve just been like. Sleeping, reading, watching shows, napping, sleeping more, trying to eat well.... my job is a bitch but I’m trying rly hard to skill up so I can do more of what I’m interested in! I kind of don’t have energy for much else at the moment??

I have no idea if I’ll post again as regularly as I did a few years back, but I love Tumblr and I always feel glad coming back here and spending time in this place for a bit. These days I mainly only post stuff on my locked private twitter lol. But I have always preferred Tumblr’s longer format and vibes hehe.

ANyway that’s all for now! I hope anyone reading this has been doing ok. These past few years have been fucking tough and if all you have energy for is working and sleeping... you’re valid, dude. 

And if you plan to take SSRIs for your mental health, just be wary of serotonin syndrome!!!! Not enough ppl talk about it and a lot of doctors seem to have no idea it exists or also know little about it, but there are lots of cases of it in settings where ppl have been taking other meds and been given SSRIs! I’m not saying don’t take meds if you need them, but just reaaaallllyyy do your research first if you can about adverse reactions and interactions :’)

[theculturedmarxist]

It's fun to clown on Musk, but in this case he's actually right.

Whether or not risk of myocarditis is greater as a result of contracting covid is irrelevant to whether or not it is also a risk of taking the vaccine. In fact, knowledge of that risk is vital to having the informed consent necessary to administering that vaccine, especially now when it seems to be the case that there is a compounding risk of myocarditis from repeated covid boosters.

And when the current expectation is that people are going to a) get multiple boosters per year and b) get multiple infections per year, every year, for the foreseeable future, yeah, that's an important consideration.

And I remember that when the vaccines first came out that any and all mention of adverse side effects, including the possibility of myocarditis or adverse effect on menstruation, were called misinformation and anti-vaxxer nonsense or conspiracy theories, all because the Biden administration wanted to get as many people vaccinated as possible as quickly as possible in order to force people to "return to normal."

The most embarrassing revelation of the “Facebook Files” released by House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan yesterday (described in more detail here) involves the news media:

In one damning email, an unnamed Facebook executive wrote to Mark Zuckerberg and Cheryl Sandberg:

We are facing continued pressure from external stakeholders, including the White House and the press, to remove more Covid-19 vaccine discouraging content.

We see repeatedly in internal communications not only in the email above, but in the Twitter Files, in the exhibits of the Missouri v Biden lawsuit, and even in the Freedom of Information request results beginning to trickle in here at Racket, that the news media has for some time been working in concert with civil society organizations, government, and tech platforms, as part of the censorship apparatus.

In the summer of 2021, the White House and Joe Biden were in the middle of a major factual faceplant. They were not only telling people the Covid-19 vaccine was a sure bet — “You’re not going to get Covid if you have these vaccinations” is how Biden put it — but that those who questioned its efficacy were “killing people.” But the shot didn’t work as advertised. It didn’t prevent contraction or transmission, something Biden himself continued to be wrong about as late as December of that year.

If you go back and give a careful read to corporate media content from that time describing the administration’s war against “disinformation,” you’ll see outlets were themselves not confident the vaccine worked. Take the New York Times effort from July 16th, 2021, “They’re Killing People: Biden Denounces Social Media for Virus Disinformation.” You can see the Times tiptoeing around what they meant, when they used the word “disinformation.” In this and other pieces they used phrases like, “the spread of anti-vaccine misinformation,” “how to track misinformation,” “the prevalence of misinformation,” even “Biden’s forceful statement capped weeks of anger in the White House over the dissemination of vaccine disinformation,” but they repeatedly hesitated to say what the misinformation was.

Any editor will tell you this language is a giveaway. Journalists wrote expansively about “disinformation,” but rarely got into specifics. They knew that they couldn’t state with certainty that the vaccine worked, that there weren’t side effects, etc., yet still denounced people who asked those questions. This is because they agreed with the concept of “malinformation,” i.e. there are things that may be true factually, but which may produce political results considered adverse. “Hestiancy” was one such bugbear. Note the language from the unnamed Facebook executive above, which describes the press lashing out “Covid-19 vaccine discouraging content,” not “disinformation.”

This is total corruption of the news. We’re supposed to be in the business of questioning officials, even if the questions are unpopular. That’s our entire role! If we don’t do that, we serve no purpose, maybe even a negative purpose. Moreover, think of the implications. News outlets wail about “disinformation” when they’re aware the public has tuned them out. When people don’t listen to reporters, it’s usually because they suck. You can do the math, as to why the current crop embraces censorship. A more embarrassing outcome for our business would be hard to imagine.