#i graduated 3 1/2 years ago - i’ve spent almost as much time away from it as i spent there and i still want to go home so badly all the time

[riseupriseupandcomealong]

gotta be real- i’m not sure how much more crippling homesickness for a place i can never go back to i can take!!

[i-am-distressed]

RIDE ALONG: Part 1

Prologue-Part 2

Warnings: none

You thanked the officer that held the door open for you, nodding to one you recognized as ‘Nanami’ as you made your way to your destination, Captain Yaga’s office. When you committed the misdemeanor, you were 3 days away from starting your first day as a rookie for the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. When you punched your ex, a few of the higher ups deemed your actions as ‘inappropriate’ and ‘out of line’, and they put your admission into the unit on ‘pause’ while they figured out what to do with you, but they weren’t the ones who decided what would happen to you.

It was the man who would hopefully be your new boss, Masamichi Yaga. The Chief, who apparently trained Yaga first hand, decided whatever he decides will be best, so this is your one shot to get this right. The other new recruits were starting today, so they put you on a ‘3 day probation to think about what you did’. You walked up the flight of stairs, letting your eyes wander as you did. The station was in nice condition. It had been remodeled a few years ago, so it was really sleek and new looking. It had an open concept layout, and most every room had plenty of windows in it, keeping the station open and light. It was much different from the 30+ year old academy you had spent that past 5 months training in, where every time you stepped into daylight your eyes spent a good 5 minutes adjusting to seeing an adequate amount of light. Already, this was a promising change, you just needed to not screw this up any worse than you already did.

You got to the top of the stairs and proceeded down the hallway the dispatcher you ran into had directed you to, Miwa? She was nice, much better than the other 2 girls who were sitting at their desks throwing balled up pieces of paper into a far off trash can. Walking down the hallway you found the second floor was much more closed off and professional than the first. It had more closed doors and private offices, not surprising since you saw a few doors with ‘Sergeant’ and ‘Lieutenant’ on them. You got to the end and stopped when you found the door that had ‘Captain Masamichi Yaga’.

You stopped taking a deep breath before you squared your shoulders and knocked. Just before you did, you heard the captain talking to someone, you didn’t recognize the voice, but it was clear it belonged to a man. “Come in.” You turned the knob before stepping in the door. “Go ahead and close the door, please have a seat.” Yaga motioned over to the second chair he had sitting in front of his desk, diagonal to the chair the unknown man was sitting in. You nodded as you closed the door, making your way to sit in the chair, keeping a professional posture and a steadfast expression.

“I don’t believe either of you have met before, no?” You looked over at the man. He had pinkish hair with a dark undercut, his eyes were dark red and sharp, even with how lazy his gaze seemed, it was intense. You could feel his eyes wandering you, not in a creepy perverted way, but in a scrutinizing judging way. And to be honest, you couldn’t tell which one would tick you off more. Beyond having hair that was definitely too long to be within regulation, he was also covered in tattoos. Maybe he was a C.I? “Never seen her in my life, can I go?”

Your eyebrow raised as you turned back to look at the captain, who had an almost visible tick mark appearing on his forehead. “No.” Sighing the man leaned back in the chair, crossing his notably muscular arms over his chest. You couldn’t tell since he was sitting down, but you guessed he was in the 6’0 range, probably taller. He was very fit, that much was for sure. And he definitely was no professional, that much was also for sure. Whereas you came in wearing a very nicely fitting pair of slacks and a silk button up, he came in wearing a tight white t-shirt and dark wash jeans, he was wearing what looked like a black flannel over his shirt, it being left open and the sleeves rolled up. It definitely didn’t meet the uniform standards, but it didn’t exactly look bad either.

Yaga cleared his throat and you directed your attention back to him. “I’m sure you’re aware of the possible consequences of your actions, yes? Your record shows good grades, good conduct, and overall a spotless record. Nevertheless, what you did could get you in serious trouble a few years down the line, you’re lucky he didn’t decide to press any charges. I should tell you to go find another career, since it’s clear you don’t process emotions well.” You looked down at that, your arms had crossed over your chest and you held your tongue, he had a point.

“But, My wife happened to be there, and when I confided in her on what to do about the situation, she told me if I treasure my marriage I should show you some mercy. Our daughter was cheated on, so I can’t say I hate what you did. In light of that, a punishment is still in order,” He paused to lean on his elbows, gaze serious, and honestly intimidating as he stayed quiet for a moment.

"For the next 3 months, You, Y/n L/n will be doing a sort of probationary trial with this man sitting in front of me." The man's head shot up, his crimson eyes wide open as his face contorted into a scowl. "Yeah, no, she won't be. I don't take passengers." Yaga sat up, his glasses casting a menacing gleam, "If you'd like to keep your job, Corporal, you will be." The ‘corporal’ in question ‘tsk’d’ before sinking back into the leather chair, leg crossing lazily over the other as his hand gripped his bicep. He was muscular alright…

”Ms. L/n, this is Corporal Ryomen Sukuna, he’s just recently been taken off of suspension and is in a probationary period of his own. If at the end of these 3 months the two of you are deemed fit for duty, you will proceed on with your careers with no problem.” You looked over at the man, his red eyes finding your e/c ones as he raised an eyebrow, your own narrowing slightly at him before you smartly returned your gaze towards Yaga. “Do I make myself clear?” You both responded with ‘yes sir’ and he dismissed you.

You both stood from the chairs, him grabbing the badge that was slid over the desk while you made your way to the door. “Your first day is tomorrow, don’t be late,” Yaga turned to Sukuna, “I hope you understand, it doesn’t matter how good of a cop you are, this is your last chance, mess this up and you're done. Please cooperate.” Your eyebrows raised at that before you felt yourself cringe, great, the ‘probation officer’ they assigned you was some kind of delinquent? You opened the door and stepped out, Sukuna passing by you without a word, going his own way as you sighed, shutting the door and making your way back out of the station.

On your way to the front desk to sign out, you heard your name being called. “HEY! Y/N!” You stopped and turned, finding two of the new recruits who had graduated with you, Yuji Itadori and Megumi Fushiguro. They were nice, and good at what they did, so you were happy when you heard they’d be going to the same unit as you. You watched as Fushiguro smacked Itadori upside the head, “We’re inside, idiot.”

Your lip tugged up at that, watching as Itadori rubbed his head with a pout before turning to you, giving you one of his smiles. “Anyway, what did the Captain say? Are you gonna be able to continue with us?” You nodded as a small smile made its way to your face, “With conditions, yes.” Fushiguro nodded as Itadori gave you a thumbs up and ‘nice!’, “You’re lucky you didn’t get cut, the higher ups can be really cut throat when they want to be, i’d watch my back.” You nodded at Fushiguro, remembering the stories your dad had told you about people being let go for trivial things, although back then it was mostly family politics.

Fushiguro was from the Zen’in family, who was known for being exemplary cops, and had a strong presence in the station. From what you knew, there were at least 5 of them in this unit alone. “I will, they’re letting me join, but for 3 months i’ll be doing a probationary trial with one of the corporals.” Fushiguro nodded at that, Itadori’s eyes lighting up, “Which one did you get? We get assigned our T.O’s (training officers) tomorrow.” You felt your eye twitch as you thought back to the disrespectful and presumably problematic individual you had just met.

“Ryomen Sukuna. From what I know he just got back from suspension, so this is a punishment for him too.” Your eyes narrowed in confusion when Itadori’s widened in shock, “wAIT!? Does he have hair like mine?” You nodded, “Tattoos??” You nodded again, “Really bad attitude and terrible social skills-” “I think she gets it, what’s your point Itadori?” You almost laughed at how tired Fushiguro looked, despite being friends all throughout high school, and going to the academy together.

“Dude...her probation officer is my cousin Ryomen.” You watched as Fushiguro’s eyes now widened, his lips fighting a smile as he turned around, grabbing the collar of Itadori’s uniform as he dragged him off with a wave, “Good luck then, you’re gonna need it!” Your mouth opened to reply before you decided against it, just shaking your head and finally making your way to the front desk. ‘Ryomen Sukuna...I’ll ask dad about him later, I swear i’ve heard it before..’

**20 minutes ago in Yaga’s office before you arrived**

“Corporal, please have a seat.” Sukuna walked in, sitting down on the chair and bringing his elbows up on the arm rests, hands clasping together in front of his mouth. Sukuna had been on a 2 month suspension after yet another misdemeanor. The only reason he hasn’t been fired is because he’s truly good at what he does, and the department really doesn’t want to let him go but…”You’re aware of how we handle discipline in this department. So tell me how it is you’ve been dealt 7 out of the 8 disciplinary actions and you still have yet to change?”

The department had a sort of system for disciplining it’s cops. 1. A verbal warning (which Sukuna had ignored), 2. A written warning (Sukuna had thrown away), 3. Performance Improvement Plan (He had on multiple occasions ditched his supervising adviser), 4. Temporary Pay cut (He practically lived at the station, it didn’t phase him much), 5. Loss of privileges (see #4), 6. Suspension (recently completed), 7. Demotion (...up until 2 months ago it was Sergeant Ryomen Sukuna…) and 8. Termination. He could handle everything else but...termination meant he was done, and he was anything but.

“I told you captain, it’s not me who needs to change, the departments way too stuck up.” Yaga took a breath before he sighed, leaning back in his swivel chair, “I know the higher ups don’t always act accordingly, but they’re still your higher ups, and I can only defend your job beyond so many offenses.” Sukuna glared at the ground as his arms crossed against his broad chest. *Knock knock* “Come in”

TAGLIST: @alohablue 💙

[tiramisiyu]

Tears of Themis: Lu Jinghe’s Birthday - 6.13 “Decision to Compete”

Translation Masterlist

Event Story: 6.13 Decision to Compete | 6.15 Personal Instruction | 6.17 Building Block Dolls | 6.19 Participating in the Competition | 6.21 Birthday Celebration

Event Story Interviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Art Gallery Boss: Young miss, all pieces displayed at the Rembrandt exhibition this time are priceless authentic versions. Your request is very…

MC: But he really is my very special friend. Just like you, boss, Rembrandt is also the artist that he holds in highest esteem.

Not long ago, I found out that June 21 was Lu Jinghe’s birthday. To give him a birthday surprise, I came to Stellis City’s antique art gallery, where they were about to hold an exhibition on authentic Rembrandt works. 

With Lu Jinghe’s current identity, if he were suddenly appear in a well-known art exhibition, aside from garnering attention, it might also cause additional problems. So, letting him enjoy the works of the artist he so admired without disturbances should be an excellent idea. After a sincere, long conversation, the boss finally agreed to rent out the venue for me before the exhibition opened.

Art Gallery Boss: You absolutely must be careful – do not bump into or damage them.

MC: I will be careful, don’t worry.

After confirming the venue, I opened my notes, checking over the other things I needed to prepare.

MC: Cake… I’ll order taro mousse, but what should I give as a gift? Watches, leather belts, ties? Lu Jinghe definitely isn’t lacking on these.

I logged into the shopping app, and “Today’s Main Recommendations” on the gift recommendation page caught my attention.

MC: These are… building blocks?

On the product pictures, hundreds of building block components piled together, creating a flowing, miniature city. In an instant, the scenes of what happened at the Lu Mansion played in my head…

--

Three days ago.

 Lu Mansion

Lu Jinghe: Careful!

In the Lu Mansion, gift boxes of all sizes were piled up, making it easy to trip if one weren’t careful. Good thing Lu Jinghe caught me in time.

Lu Jinghe: Jiejie, you’re too careless.

MC: It’s clearly because you have way too many gifts here. So is it almost your birthday? Otherwise, why would so many people give you gifts?

Lu Jinghe: Sure enough, I can’t hide anything from you. There’s still over half a month until my birthday, so those people came running over in a rush.

MC: “Those people” are…?

Lu Jinghe: Past business targets, children of other major families, plus some entertainment stars. Lots of people want to get in on the Lu family’s good graces.

MC: (As expected of Lu Jinghe – even his birthday’s got to shake up all of Stellis City.)

Seeming like Lu Jinghe had seen through my thoughts, he laughed quietly.

Lu Jinghe: So… shouldn’t you also send me a gift?

MC: Lu Jinghe, you’re not lacking on gifts, are you?

Lu Jinghe: For those sent by others, of course I’m not lacking on them. But ones sent by you…

MC: Ahem ahem.

After receiving Lu Jinghe’s hint, I faked a cough. Turning my head around, I saw the “main offender” that had just tripped me. This was a meticulously-wrapped box of building blocks, with modern-looking buildings printed on top, with “limited edition” written on in conspicuous text.

MC: Lu Jinghe, you play with building blocks?

Building blocks were a toy invented by the Austin family. They became popular worldwide as soon as they were launched, and now have nearly a hundred years’ worth of history. If they didn’t suit someone’s tastes here, toys like this would not appear here.

Lu Jinghe: I have played with them before – someone probably remembered that up until now. Although, I haven’t played with them in a long time.

MC: Why?

Lu Jinghe started to speak, then stopped, a troubled look emerging in his clear eyes.

--

Building Blocks Room

MC: So many… did you build them all?

Lu Jinghe took me to a room on the second floor of the Lu Mansion. What appeared before my eyes were innumerable building blocks models. From rich, colourful flower fields to the little roads of a foreign country’s streetscapes – there was even a proportionate reconstruction of Stellis University.

MC: Amazing! You must have spent a lot of time to make so many works, right? You’re so talented, so why didn’t you continue?

Lu Jinghe: Because…

Lu Jinghe walked to the French windows, sinking into a short silence. Golden sunlight shone on his side profile, creating a dappled light effect.

Lu Jinghe: On certain levels, I can no longer continue creating with building blocks…

MC: (What… Certain levels means…)

Lu Jinghe: My mother passed away right after I was born.

Lu Jinghe slowly began to speak, his voice quiet. I suddenly regretted asking a little.

MC: If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t need to force yourself. Everyone has their own secrets.

Lu Jinghe: It’s fine. I have no secrets in front of you.

Lu Jinghe’s words were indescribably gentle, but my heart felt like a little like it had been yanked.

Lu Jinghe: Though I lost my mother, my father and older brother loved me dearly. Compared to others, I’ve never been lacking in anything. I even had more than them. Until I noticed that for both oil paintings or building blocks, I couldn’t create anything related to “family”…

MC: (How could that be… Speaking of which, “Z” has indeed never made anything related to “family”.)

Lu Jinghe: Are you feeling sympathetic? Looks like not being able to create “family” is no big deal, because it’ll at least make you sympathize for me.

MC: … Lu! Jing! He!

I faked anger, but my sad feelings had been swept away by Lu Jinghe’s seemingly joking words.

Lu Jinghe: Alright alright, don’t be sad. I thought about it after – perhaps I can’t create anything with a “family” theme because I’ve never had a major female figure around me, ever since I was little. If…

MC: If what?

Lu Jinghe: Ahem ahem… nothing.

MC: …

--

After coming back to my senses, my fingers slid over the screen.

MC: Since Lu Jinghe likes building blocks, I’ll send him a building blocks set as a gift. Although… which set should I send?

--

Home

To find a suitable gift set, I looked up lots of information online related to building blocks after getting home. Among them, an article titled “The first Stellis Building Blocks Competition will be held soon” caught my attention.

MC: Building blocks creator Mr. Austin’s out-of-print posthumous work – the “Future” series’ first public reveal; only one set worldwide. Cabin in the woods, a glass flower room, and an open-air art studio that faces the mountains. This work is called… “Future Home”?

Note: “Home” and “Family” are the same word in Chinese.

MC: (This set… looks like one that Lu Jinghe would like.)

I couldn’t help thinking of joining the competition, but I froze after scrolling to the next article.

MC: “Z” will appear at the building blocks competition as an evaluator, and many fans have signed up… “The Shepherd Girl” may become a competition topic.

MC: (Lu Jinghe’s going?!)

The theme of this competition was “World-Famous Artworks”, where people were to reconstruct world-famous artworks using building blocks. With Z’s works being so famous, becoming a topic of the competition wasn’t out of the question.

MC: (If he really is an evaluator, my participation will definitely be exposed, and I won’t be able to give him a birthday present.)

But would Lu Jinghe really appear in public under Z’s identity? Though this might be something made up by the hosts, I still decided to call and ask Lu Jinghe, just in case.

Lu Jinghe: Hello?

MC: I-it’s me.

Lu Jinghe: What’s the matter, did something happen?

MC: Nothing, I just wanted to ask – do you know about the building blocks competition being held next month? I heard that “Z” was going to be a competition evaluator.

Lu Jinghe: There’s actually this sort of news, huh. The host probably was probably afraid of being low on hype and let out fake news. If you’re suddenly asking this… did you want to participate? Then I can teach you for free.

MC: (Since Lu Jinghe’s not going, getting taught by him is indeed the best introductory method.)

MC: Is that alright?

Lu Jinghe: Of course. If you need it, I always have time. Besides, after today… Z’s appearances may become very rare.

MC: ?!

MC: I-is it because of Pax?

I brought up the guess I had. Sure enough, Lu Jinghe signed almost inaudibly on the other side of the phone.

Lu Jinghe: Yeah, balancing studies and Pax already expends too much of my energy. After graduating, similar impediments will only continue to increase. To an artist, it’s really easy for these sorts of conditions to cut off creativity, so…

Lu Jinghe’s voice had an exhaustion in it that was impossible to ignore.

MC: Lu Jinghe, if you’re working too hard, you can stop for a bit and rest.

Lu Jinghe: … I understand. But unfortunately, no one will give me time to rest. Before being “Z”, I am first and foremost Lu Jinghe of Pax.

--

After hanging up, Lu Jinghe’s words echoed in my head.

MC: So many people clearly like “Z”. Can Lu Jinghe really give it up?

MC: Right! It just so happens that lots of “Z” fans will be participating at the building blocks competition. I should gather some things that they want to say to “Z” and give them to Lu Jinghe! Even if he really can no longer create in the future, the fans’ encouragement would be memories worth treasuring.

--

That night, I submitted a registration form on the building blocks competition official site, as well as an application to interview the participants to the hosts. After registering, a participant list, including methods of contact, was sent to my inbox.

MC: (Next, I’ll practice building blocks as I interview people for what they want to say to “Z”.)

[didsomeonesaydaddydraco]

What true love feels like - final part | Tom Felton imagine

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE! Just kidding, I’m sobbing like a kid who’s candy was taken away. Excuse me for the grammar mistakes, I could barely see through my tears, writing this. But here it is, the final part for the mini series. I really hope you guys liked it. Thank you so much for the support! 

Word count: 4275

Pairing: Tom Felton x Reader

Note: For the best readen experience, I suggest you to listen the song Everyday I love you by Boyzone (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QQQKJJBJOY) I’ll let you know when to start playing it!

Tag list:  @abrunettefangirlnerd ; @youknowiloveyou-so; @the-girl-who-drew; @thescaletknight2014; @lil5sosbetch; @pipppaaaaalouisee; @mysticskeletonfireherring

You can find the previous chapters right here:

Part 1      Part 2      Part 3      Part 4

*Tom’s POV*

Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that made me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheet blind love, but it definitely made me believe in something. And it was true love.

I spent the last two weeks with sitting by my phone, waiting for her to call or text me. I even went to see her at the lake house, but I could never make myself to get out of my car and knock on the door. I knew her better than that. She had to be alone and away from everyone and everything. So, even if it literally killed me, not hearing from her, I was more than willing to mop around my house and wait. Why? Because I deep down in my heart I knew that I was waiting for something great.

So when I opened my door in the middle of the night, and saw her standing there, I knew it was worth it. She was there. Smiling slightly and shyly at me, like it was the first time we met each other. And in a way it was the first time. The first time before a new chapter. A whole new adventure.

If it were up to me, I’d have married her right there. I’d have started my life with her. We’d have gone out and buy that piece of land I wanted so badly, built our dream house. We’d have had sex, cuddled by the fireplace and eat breakfast together in the morning. Go to work, and rush to get home just we could see each other. Eventually have a dozen of babies, and fight over whose parents we were naming them after. Buy another dog, so Willow wouldn’t feel alone. Celebrate our 10 years anniversary. Get in those bad fights, but make up after a day or so. Continue to surprise each other, watch the sunset from our front porch every now and then. Watch out babies graduate and start their lives. Retire. Meet our grandchildren. Hold each other every night and never forget the love that started this all. If it were up to me, I would have started that adventure with her right then.

I couldn’t say a word. I just kept looking and her beautiful face. Admiring how amazingly good she looked without any makeup on. She was a woman who wasn’t afraid to show her imperfections. And I loved that fact that I could be by her side through that long and painful journey. The journey where she learnt to finally love herself. Truly.

“So you chose me?” I finally asked the dumbest question ever. She was standing right in front of me. But I had to hear her saying it. I needed to.

“Yeah, you. It will always be you, don’t you get it? If I had the choice between you and a million things I’ve always wanted, I would choose you every single time” she said slowly, so I could fully understand her. And in that moment, I was the happiest man on Earth.

There’s a moment between a glance and a kiss. Where the world stops for the briefest of times. And the only thing between us is anticipation of her lips on mine. A moment so intense it hands in the air as it pulls us closer. A moment, so perfect that when it comes to and end we realize it’s only just the beginning. So I grabbed her by the neck and kissed her. Just kissed her so deep she forgot whose air she was breathing. Her kissed melted me like no one else ever had and I just wanted her to know how much I loved her.

“Come on in” I smiled at her after our lips finally parted “I wasn’t the only one who missed you”

I took her hand in mine and pulled her in the house. Willow was already sitting by the bottom of the stairs, patiently waiting to finally be able to see our guest. When I stepped out of her way and she saw Y/N kneeling down and calling out her name, she wasted to time and ran into her arms.

“Hey, girl” Y/N tried to keep Willow away from her face, but my doggie was too happy to finally see her again. She licked her face and hands and jumped on her. I didn’t blame her. I wanted to keep kissing and hugging her. But I knew she needed to talk to me, so I made my way to the kitchen and started to prepare our cups of tea, and gave them time to enjoy each other company for a while.

“I see you kept that terrible painting” she said from behind me. I look at her above my shoulders to see her pointing to the honestly terrible painting on the wall. I chuckled at the memory of her being blindfolded, sitting in front of the canvas and holding the brush in her hand, waiting for me to give her the instructions. We painted it on our little weekend getaway in Rome. Aaron was away for almost a month, so we could do anything we wanted. I remember how stressed she had been because of her final thesis, so after she turned it in, I surprised her with that little trip.

“Tom, wait” she laughed behind me as she tried to catch up. We just had a romantic candle light dinner at the small local restaurant. Beside us, there was only two other couple, enjoying the delicious Italian pasta with a bottle of amazing wine next to the scented candles and the red and white tablecloth. We already had a bottle of wine, but we drank one more after dessert as well. After we paid, I had a great idea, I was just hoping I could find the right shop still open to buy the equipment.

“Hurry up, baby” I called after her “We don’t have much time and I’m sure it’s going to be raining in a couple of minutes”

I told her to wait for me outside of the shop and quickly bought everything I need for my plan. I had always wanted to do this with someone, but never had the chance to do it. I wanted to do it with someone who I knew was going to enjoy it. And I knew for sure Y/N was type who liked the most unexpected and cliché things.

I grabbed her hand and basically dragged her with me. I was full with energy and the night was still young. There were a lot of things in my mind. Like my little plan, maybe another bottle of wine, and sweet love making with her in the candle lit living room.

“Alright, Felton” she stopped in front of me when we entered our rented flat “Tell me what you have in mind!”

“Go and put on a shirt you don’t mind ruining” I smiled at her and put down the bag on the kitchen counter. She just shook her head and turned around to go and get changed. I couldn’t keep my hand to myself, so softly and teasingly slapped her ass. I respected her. I loved her. But I was a man and she was the most beautiful and the hottest woman I had ever met. So there were times when I couldn’t control the wide caveman in me. But she knew me better, so these things were never offensive in her eyes.

She came back a couple of minutes later in one of my old shirts she had stolen from me like a month ago. She liked to hang out in it, play with Willow in it. I didn’t mind, it was an old shirt and I barley wore it anymore. But it looked amazing in her.

“So?” she wrapped her arms around my waist and stood on her tiptoes to kiss my lips shortly.

“Sit down, darling” I nodded to the chair and picked up her scarf from her bag “Do you trust me?”

“Of course” she said without hesitation. She sat down and waited. I carefully blindfolded her and poured paint on the palette for her “Why is it if you have something in mind, it always comes with something messy?”

“I just love to make a mess” I laughed and placed a brush in her hand “Believe me, you’re going to love this”

I stood behind her and bend down a little so my mouth was the same level as her ears. I kissed the soft skin behind her ear, and I could hear her breathing quickening. This was amazing.

“Take the brush and dug it in paint” I whispered slowly, letting my breath tickling her skin. She slowly breathed out and obeyed my command. She held the brush, ready to paint, only waiting for my next instruction “Good girl”

“Now, touch the canvas with it gently and paint a straight line from down to up” I put one of my hands on her bare thigh and squeezed it gently. She did as she was asked.

“Hmmm” I stroked her skin “Now, dug in the paint again” my fingers were dancing on her inner thigh “And paint dots on the rhythm of my fingers on your skin”

“And now, paint a circle” I told her. She almost dropped the brush when I started kissing her neck. A smirked to myself, knowing very well that she was close to lose it and turn around to kiss me. She almost did, but I stopped her “Ah no no no, baby girl. Where’s the circle?”

“Tom” she moaned as my fingers went further up on her thigh. I bit on her neck to show her who was in control “Fuck” she whispered my painted the circle nonetheless.

It went like this for a bit more. Me, teasing her and giving her the instructions, and her, trying her very best to not show everything of the table and push me against it.

“It’s terrible” I said when I looked at the final picture. There was no concept at all. Just random colours and random lines, dots and circles. But we made it. I put a little paint on my finger and left my fingerprint at the bottom right corner. I took Y/N’s finger and did the same, right next to mine.

“Do you want to take a look, baby girl?” I whispered in her ear, and that was the last straw. She tore the scarf and throw it away, not giving a damn if it landed in paint or not. She turned around and crashed her lips on mine. This kiss wasn’t gentle at all. It was wild, eager and passionate. When she finally looked me in the eye after the kiss, I could tell we were thinking about the same thing. Her eyes were dark from lust, and there was the dangerous flame in them that I loved so much. She only glanced at the painting for a brief moment.

“It really is terrible” she said and stood in front of me “But now, take me to the bedroom”

“You don’t have to ask me twice” I smiled at her and picked up. Her legs were wrapped around me, and I was sure she could feel everything. We made love for the first time that night. And it was the most amazing night. Little did I know, it was the first out of a lot more.

“It happens that I like it a tiny bit” I winked at her and handed her a cup of tea “I reckon you’d like to talk about a few things, right?”

“Yeah, I think we should” she nodded and went to the living room, Willow following her right away. Y/N sat down, and she immediately laid down by her feet. I joined my girls on the sofa and waited.

“I had a lot of time to think. And I talked to my brother a lot about these feelings that were building up in me” she started and never broke eye contact “I told him everything. About you and me…”

I took a sharp breath. Definitely not how I wanted to be introduced to her family.

“He took it quite well. All he wanted to know if you made me happy and treated my right” she smiled at me “When I assured him that you were literally treating me like a princess, he wished us nothing bet the best. Also, he said something very thoughtful. When I was telling him about how long I had been searching for someone who loved him, and someone I could love, he told me that love is not something you go out and look for. Love finds you, and when it does, ready or not, it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to you”

It was true. The best love is unexpected. You don’t just pick someone and cross your fingers it’ll work. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection, and the chemistry share is way above your head. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they smile or the colour of their eyes and all at once you know you’re either lucky or screwed. In our case, we were both. We met at the wrong time, but still. We made it work. Not in the most respectful and fair way, but we didn’t let go.

“But you’re still scared” I took her shaking hand in my and squeezed it to calm her down. She didn’t have anything to be afraid it. It was me, who she was talking to, after all “It’s okay. I’m scared too, and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I need and everything I want.”

“So, what now?” she scooted closer to me, and rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and hugged her tight. I wanted her to know I wasn’t going anywhere. I was there for the long run.

“I think it’s finally our time” I tilted her head up by her chin and kissed her slowly. Yes, it was our time. And I was going to make every second of it worth it.

 < 3 years later >

*Y/N’s POV*

When I was a little kid, I loved going to weddings. God knows how many times I was asked to be a flower girl or a bridesmaid. All the decoration, the music, the spirit of true love mesmerized me, and I often find myself imagining my own wedding. I still remember the beautiful white and blush pink decoration with the fairy lights and roses all around the huge mansion. The beautiful ball gown wedding dress, made for me. But this time, everything was different. The huge, modern chalet which we rented for the reception was decorated with deep dark green and silver decoration, and the candles in the black wrought iron holders give and edgy but romantic feeling to the whole decoration.

From the room, which was assigned to be the dressing room for my flower girls, bridesmaids and I had the best view at the backyard. The chairs were covered with silver chair skirts, tied around with a beautiful, dark green ribbon. The trees were so colourful, due to the season, and fairy lights decorated them. Candles were already lit, and followed the way from the back porch’s staircase to the wedding arch, which was made out of evergreens and fairy lights. Everything was perfect.

“How are you feeling, darling?” my Mum asked me from the armchair. I looked at myself in the mirror, and admired the dress I was wearing. It was a simple bright white satin wedding dress, which hugged my body like a waterfall. The straps were made of small diamond-like crystals and fall down on my back, like they were the back of my dress. It was simple, but I felt like I was the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

“Like I want to run down the aisle and finally marry him” I smiled at her. This time, there were no bad feelings, I was shaking from fear. I was sure I was about to make the best decision. I played with my silver bracelet. The single teardrop shaped pearl wasn’t lonely anymore. There were other charms from the places we visited in the last couple of years.

“I’ll go and get your Dad than” Mum kissed my cheek and left me to find my Dad.

I took a deep breath and looked outside again. Family and friends were already sitting, and my flower girls and bridesmaid were waiting by the aisle to walk down before me. I could see a familiar dirty blond hair, talking with his best man and friends near the altar. For so long I thought marriage wasn’t for me. Even when I was with Aaron. But I realized it was for me. And it was with that man, with the most mesmerizing blue eyes and bright smile. With that man, who was the most beautiful person I had even met in my entire life. Sometimes I just looked at him and thought how lucky I was that he was mine.

“Let’s get you married” my Dad said as he entered the room with the biggest smile on his face “No cold feet?”

“No cold feel” I answered and laced my hand with his.

*start the song now*

The first accords started to play when the musicians saw me and Dad arriving. Suddenly, all eyes were on me, and I could feel myself getting emotional, tears blurring my vision. The sun was just setting, and the lights of the trees and the little path made out of candles made the whole scene look magical.

But the most magical part was the man who was waiting for me at the end of the aisle. We were looking at each other, not caring about our families and friends around us. I only see him. He, in his pitch black suit with the silver tie witch complemented his bright blue eyes. He had the most beautiful smile on his face, and I had to stop myself from running up to him and kiss him. Nothing was stopping us now.

We were halfway down when I could see it. He was crying and smiling at the same time. Damn, I was the luckiest girl in the world.

“Take care of my little girl” I tried so hard to stop myself from crying, but when my Dad placed my hand in my soon to be husband’s, I could help but let a few tears escape.

The ceremony was beautiful. The speech the registrar said was true, emotional and a little bit funny, but the whole time I was lost in the most beautiful eyes. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to. I was looking at my future.

“Ladies and gentleman” the registrar spoke “It’s time for this two beautiful and in love people to take their vows.

Tom’s niece stepped closer and handed him my ring, which he almost dropped because his hand was shaking so much. I chuckled and whispered a tiny ‘I love you’ to calm him down. He cleared his throat and looked back at me. We immediately get lost in each other’s eyes.

“I, Thomas Andrew, take you, Y/N Y/M/N to be my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, and in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity” he smiled at me “I’d love nothing more than to stumble through life with you”

He slowly slipped the ring on my finger and gently kissed my hand, before wiping away a few of his tears. I took his ring from our niece and kissed the top of her head before she returned to her father’s side with a huge smile.

“I, Y/N Y/M, take you Thomas Andrew, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish out union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.” I winked at him and said the last line of my vow “I’d love nothing more than to stumble through life with you”

I slipped the ring on his finger and from that moment, that wasn’t power on Earth that could have stopped me from crying. I didn’t care how ugly I looked crying or if my makeup was a mess. I was his wife. And he was my husband.

“Y/N and Tom” the registrar smiled at us “You came here today to affirm your love for one another and formally acknowledge that which your hearts already knew…”

Tom and I both chuckled, thinking about how our love started.

“That your lives are meant to be shared as one, that you are stronger together than you are apart, and that, for all your days yet to come, you wish to share together all life’s joys and challenges, committed one to the other”

She took a breath and with true joy in his voice he continued.

“I now pronounce you Husband and Wife! You can now kiss the bride”

He didn’t waste a second. Tom picked me up and kissed me passionately. He didn’t have to say anything. Everything was in our first kiss as husband and wife. And it was the sweetest kiss we had ever shared.

***

We were standing on the porch, watching our friends and now shared family having the time of their lives. Drinking, eating, dancing, bonding and laughing. It was perfect. Just the way we imagined our wedding. We spent almost a year planning it, Tom helping with everything, sometimes being even more excited than me. He never skipped a meeting with our wedding planner. He was really there for me. And he was the one who planned our honeymoon. No matter how many times I asked, or how I tried to trick him to tell me where we were going, he kept it as a secret. Always saying it was a gift.

“You’re still not telling me, right?” I looked up at him. We had been standing there for quite a while now, just hugging each other, staring into each other’s eyes and sharing sweet kisses as a married couple.

“Nope” he kissed my forehead and pulled me even closer. I could feel and hear his heart beating against his chest.

“I have a gift for you too” I pulled away and stepped into to house to grab the little silver envelope from my bag. My hands were shaking and I was terrified to give it to him. But also, I was excited “There’s one thing you have been wanting for so long. And I’ve been holding this is my dresser for a few weeks now, so excuse me for not giving you the latest one, but I really hope you’re going to love it.”

He took the envelope from me and opened it gently. He slowly pulled out the small, black and white picture with a red hear shaped sticker on the middle of it, framing the bean sized dot.

“Is that…?” his blue eyes were filled with tears “Are you? Are we having a…?

“A baby?” I asked with tears in my eyes too “Yeah, we are. I’m pregnant”

“I’m going to be a Dad” he yelled and picked me up for the second time today. He twirled around with me and showered my face with kisses. I was sobbing like a little baby. He was so happy. I knew how badly he wanted to be a father, and his dream was finally coming true.

“Never in a million years did I think I’d find someone so utterly and completely perfect, someone who would make me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. Someone that would touch my life so profoundly and just give me a whole new reason to breathe. But then I found you and realized that everything I anticipated you to be doesn’t even compare who you are.” he held my face in his hands. The amount of love I felt for that man was almost unbearable. I smiled at him and kissed him softly. I knew that no matter what was waiting for us, we were going to be okay because we had each other. He taught me so many things. He helped me to love myself. But most importantly, with him by my side, I could finally tell what true love felt like.

[stillbandofbrothersthirsty]

As Far As Friends Go

Chapter 9 (Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8)

****TW: Please beware that this chapter mentions miscarriages and may be triggering.

Emily - March 1944

The world seemed to narrow in around them. The black sky felt heavy, draping them in a blanket of privacy where all time seemed to stop. Nixon looked frozen staring at her.

“What?” Nixon sounded gobsmacked.

She could only imagine what she looked like standing there in front of him. Her hair was down - he rarely saw it down since she was always in uniform. The icy breeze blew wild strands of auburn across her rosy nose and cheeks. Emily had rushed out of the hospital and had spent the entire train ride back crying and doing her best to make sense of her emotions. She hadn’t thought once about checking her compact to fix her complexion or hair as her body brought her back to the base that had become her home.

All that ran through her mind was the vision of John’s hospital bed and the woman who sat beside him. As soon as she had seen that woman turn, her profile punctuated by her bulging stomach, it dawned on Emily that nothing but opportunity lay before her. She was no longer tied to this man. Everything Emily had ever wanted began with her returning to the airborne division of the United States army, so she immediately did just that.

“I’m free,” she repeated. She smiled up at him as tears filled her eyes, giving her a manic look.

“What do you mean? Why aren’t you in Worcestershire?” Emily shook her head as if in awe and Nixon wondered if she had gone mad.

“When I got there he had another woman at his bedside.” A tear ran down her cheek. Nixon stepped forward with an outstretched hand as if to comfort her. Emily quickly wiped the tear away, “no I’m okay, it’s okay.” Nixon stopped just in front of her. His eyebrows wove together in confusion and Emily knew she had to go on, “John was involved with another woman,” Emily swallowed as she felt her face grow red. She couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed that she had been usurped by another woman. “They met in Liverpool when he first docked over two years ago, before Italy. Almost immediately after he left the states actually,” Emily laughed a bitter laugh. “And she’s pregnant, with their second child.”  

Nixon let out a low whistle. This caused Emily to burst into a fit of giggles. She didn’t know why- she wasn’t sure why she was responding this way at all. The entire train ride back to Aldbourne her mind had gone in circles trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the short morning she had spent at the convalescent hospital. The plan she had when she first arrived in England was completely shot to dust. What would her parents think? What would they say? Who cares what they had to say, Emily reminded herself. That was her new mantra. The end of her relationship hadn’t been her doing, she had done everything right. If anyone was at fault now it was John. Now free from guilt, Emily was free to make her future anything she wanted it to be.

Nixon was looking at her as if she was crazy when she finally recovered herself. “It’s fine, I’m fine.” She pressed two fingers against her temple and exhaled.

“Are you?” Nixon’s eyes were wide with bewilderment, “Emily that is.. that is fucked up. And you didn’t know?’’

“No! Didn’t even suspect,” Emily said almost laughing again, “although, a lot does make sense now. I may have accidentally received a few letters meant for her over the past couple years.”

“What did you mean you’re free?” Nixon was nearly a silhouette in the darkness though they were only standing inches away from each other. The gears were turning in Emily’s mind. She wasn’t sure how much she should reveal to him, but at this point did it matter?

His eyes narrowed. “What?” he asked.

“Can we go inside to talk? It’s cold.” Emily shivered for effect.


Nixon took her suitcase and led her inside. By habit, they ended up back by their desks in the intelligence room. Officers filled every other comfortable room in the manor house but even so this work room was where they both felt comfortable.

“Coffee? Tea?” Nixon asked going over to the coffee station.

“Tea sounds lovely,” Emily said.

“You really like that stuff? It tastes like brown water to me.” Nixon disappeared to fill the kettle. When he returned he placed the piping hot pot on a crochet pad and set to preparing Emily’s mug with a strain of herbal tea leaves. It was sweet, Emily thought. He had such a look of concentration for such a simple task. Emily felt too restless to sit down so she leaned against Nixon’s desk as she waited for him to finish.

Eventually, Nixon handed her a well-steeped cup. He leaned against her own desk across from where she stood, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand.

“So what did you mean you’re free?” he asked. So much in Emily’s world had changed in the last twelve hours but Nixon was still his impetuous self.

Emily inhaled deeply, trying to think of how to best explain herself. “What I meant was, I finally feel free without a fiancee. My life, my career here, was on a timer and each day it ticked closer to the buzzer. Now that I’m not engaged I could do anything.”

“Sure, but free is an awfully dramatic word to use.”

Emily shrugged but Nixon didn’t miss her withholding smile. “It’s not like you were trapped, being engaged isn’t a death sentence,” Nixon cocked his head, “well, not complete death.”

“It wasn’t the end of the world, no,” Emily conceded, “but it wasn’t what I really wanted.”

“Then why were you engaged to him in the first place?” 

Emily eyed Nixon wearily. “You can tell me,” he said soothingly, “I promise Em, you can trust me.”

Emily sipped her tea meditatively. Could she trust him? He had teased her over what she had confessed to him in the past.


“Fine, you don’t have to tell me,” Nixon said, “but just know that I regret embarrassing you back then.” Nixon nudged his shoulder, gesturing back in time. “I shouldn’t have teased you about something sensitive, especially in front of Harry.”

Emily flushed hot at the mention of Harry. She had thought of him on the train. Then she had thought of Kitty. The woman she had only briefly seen in a little black and white photo, and a character that seemed further away the more she and Harry spent time together. If Emily had learned anything today it was that not all men were as noble as they seemed. A very deep-set, shameful part of Emily wondered if Harry weren’t as noble as he seemed.

“You have to promise, Lewis. If I tell you anything it stays here, between you and me.”

“Between you and me.”

Emily cleared her throat in preparation and took another sip of tea. “I met John at a Notre Dame social. I liked him enough at first. He was cute, still a boy, but entertaining enough. I was so bored at school and happy to have a distraction. And, I have to admit, I didn’t hate the other girls envy that I was on the arm of a Notre Dame football player.”

Nixon snorted, he couldn’t stand jocks. Emily glared at him. “Continue,” Nixon prompted with a wave of his hand.

“Anyway, things were fun, casual. And we began…” Emily circled her finger in a propelling movement, “ya know.”

“What?”

“We began having relations.”

“You slept together?”



“Yes,” Emily said curtly, “which again was just fun and casual.” She paused, “but then I got pregnant.”

Nixon’s eyes widened. His expression said what everyone’s did; so where’s the baby? A steel hand clenched around Emily’s heart. 



“Obviously, it was a disaster when I found out. I wasn’t married, hadn’t graduated yet, but at least I had a guy on the hook. I didn’t know who was devastated more, me or my parents.” Emily’s gaze was far away now. She was falling away into the land of memory. The only thing anchoring her to the room was the hot mug clutched tightly between her hands. “I felt like my life was over. The best I could hope for was that John would make a decent woman out of me, which he did. He proposed. My parents, my mom, was thrilled and the wedding was rushed ahead. The hope was that we could be married before anyone realized this baby was conceived out of wedlock,” it was Emily’s turn to snort.

“But a few weeks before the big day I began bleeding,” Emily tried to swallow past the rock that had formed in her throat. The sorrow that had overwhelmed her then was edging itself back into her chest. “I lost the baby,” her voice was barely a whisper, it was all she could manage. “my mom thought John would cut and run. He had no reason to be with me anymore. She told me I was spoiled goods. She was terrified no other man would want me. I asked her why did anyone have to know? But in a town like ours, the size of ours, it was unavoidable. Everyone knew about the wedding and suspected the reason. Luckily, John didn’t cut and run. He honored our engagement. The wedding was pushed back but then Pearl Harbor happened, and John enlisted.” Reaching the end of her sad story, Emily finally looked at Nixon. His eyes were darker then she had ever seen them. His mouth was fixed in a taught line across his face. She couldn’t read him at all. He was probably disgusted by her - her recklessness, her lack of backbone and desperation for any man who would take her. “So, now you’re all caught up,” she said quietly.

“Emily,” when he finally spoke his voice was raspy, “I’m so sorry.”

Emily fought against the sobs that were forming in her chest, her throat and eyes. If she let the tears fall they wouldn’t be out of relief like before but tears of utter grief. A grief she didn’t have the energy to touch tonight. She shrugged, “yeah, well, apparently I was just an obligation to John. But that’s fine, he was only meant to be a fun time for me. We weren’t each others forever.”

The corner of Nixon’s mouth turned up, “careful, one may say you’re a romantic Miss Rooney.”

Emily smiled, “maybe one day. Not today, I’ve got a job to do.”

“Come here,” Nixon pulled her into a tight hug and Emily let him. She allowed her body to melt into him and allowed herself to, in that moment, be completely dependent on him. She exhaled her suppressed sadness gratefully into his broad chest. The lump in her throat grew stronger but she fought against it by concentrating on Nixon’s warm embrace, the smell of his aftershave and the roughness of his uniform against her cheek. All was well with the world, she reminded herself. Her future had never seemed more hopeful.

Finally, Nixon released her. “Ya know, George Luz is going to be thrilled to hear you’re single again.”


Emily laughed a true laugh and punched him on the shoulder. “Leave it alone, Lew.”

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 6

Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordam. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?

Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

April 2015

“You ready?” Sonny called as he came into her apartment. They’d agreed to skip the pretense and drive together, and Sonny had booked a hotel room within walking distance after confirming she’d be okay with it. His bag was in the trunk, and he grinned when she came out bundled up, the same Fordham sweatshirt she’d stolen under her coat and the little wheeled bag beside her. 

“Ready,” she grinned, stretching up to kiss him, and he felt like he could do anything. He took her bag despite her protest.

“I got us a room for the next two nights. We ain’t gotta stay both, but I thought it might be nice to go to dinner? I got both nights off, too.”

“That sounds real nice. I packed some real people clothes anyway.”

“Perfect. Now let’s get going. Bella said you guys got a make up artist coming.”

“Yeah. She got one and a hairdresser.”

“She’s definitely the one who wouldn’t wanna get herself ready.”

“Yeah. We gotta get there in time. What’re the groomsmen doing?”

“Playing video games and taking turns shaving and showering.”

“Not fair.”

“You look hot. You don’t need hair and make up.”

“You always think I’m hot.”

“That’s because you always are.”

“So are you. I got real lucky on the husband front.”

“You really think so?” She could sense the current under what he said. It wasn’t just Am I hot? but was also Are you lucky?

“Incredibly lucky. I got you.” He slammed the trunk shut, cheeks pink when he settled in the driver’s seat. It was familiar to drive with their fingers laced, and he smiled to see her wedding set in place. Bella had gone by the bakery to surprise her one day, and his sister was very pleased to let him know both rings were on her left ring finger. He’d told the squad the same day he told Olivia, and his ring had been on his hand every day since, the cross the only thing on the chain again.

“Think they’d notice if I do my own make up and hang out with you?”

“She really does have y’all going like two hours longer than Gina did.”

“Yeah. Gina was very ‘Let’s get down to business, get photos, and get married.’ Bella’s way more into the matching robes and face masks vibe. But she’ll be happy.”

“I’ll check in a lot, okay? I don’t like the video games Tommy does.”

“You just like Sims. It’s endearing.”

“It’s kinda fun.”

“You spent six hours building a house once.”

“I had t’make sure it was perfect. They were having twins, Tor.”

“I love you, you absolute nerd.”

“Your nerd.” 

“Damn straight.” Sonny dropped her off at the venue, checking them in at the hotel and dropping off their bags. He stopped by the bridal suite when he got to the venue, thankful the weather moved the ceremony inside now that he was out of the cold. 

“Dominick! No boys allowed,” Bella said, wagging her finger at him, hair in rollers. 

“I know, I know. I’m just bringing Tor the key and her charger, okay?”

“You got her key?” Gina asked, leaning back to look at him and lifting her brow. “That sounds like you’re sharing a room.”

“We are,” Victoria said plainly, taking both items gladly. All the girls had changed into robes, but she’d opted to stay in his oversized sweatshirt until the inevitable photos. A primal part of him liked knowing that.

“That sounds like a reconciliation,” the younger Carisi sang, and Victoria rolled her eyes. “And you two snuck out of the party early like you used to.”

“I’m real glad you approve of our progress, but if you put too much pressure on us, we might break again.” Victoria knew he didn’t mean it and just wanted them to drop it, which she was grateful for. They weren’t quite there, but she trusted he’d probably open up by the end of their weekend together. Even if he didn’t, she’d decided she wanted to start planning to see him more after the wedding. Several late nights with Margy and a bottle of wine had told her that much. If you prove you’ll be there and patient, he’ll probably feel less like he’s scaring you off, she’d told Victoria after another night analyzing their last four encounters.

“Fine. But just know I’m telling ma. Maybe she’ll stop being mean to Tor.”

“Ignore Bella. She’s been glaring, but I think Sonny talked sense into her at Thanksgiving. She’s mad at both of them now.”

“As she should be,” he shrugged, kissing Victoria. “See ya for pictures.”

“See ya,” she grinned, ignoring his sisters’ squeals. This marathon made her kind of tired. Her hair and makeup were done soon enough, and she was grateful the dress was a dusty, dark enough pink in person to look good on her. She liked pink on Sonny, especially since the sides of his brunette hair had started going gray, against the blue of his eyes. The bridesmaids, the two Carisi sisters, Victoria, and a couple of Bella’s friends, all posed together in the matching silky robes before slipping their dresses on. 

“And you thought that pink wouldn’t look good,” Sonny said softly against her ear before kissing her cheek. 

“You like it?” Her hands rested on his shoulders as she smiled up at him, and he felt giddy. It was official. This was how they acted before, no almost needed. 

“I do. Beautiful color on you. And damn, my wife got a figure.”

“You’re the best hypeman,” she hummed as she straightened his tie. “I ever told you how handsome you look in a suit? Or how pretty pink makes your eyes?”

“I can stand to hear it again.” There was the cocky smile he got sometimes. “I’m starting to look old, doll.”

“Nah. Getting hotter.”

“Even with the gray?” He’d been self conscious about it before, when the evenly dispersed gray in his dark hair could be mistaken for a dirty blonde. His temples gave him away now, but she loved it.

“Even hotter with the gray.”

“Stop being gross,” Teresa whined. “It’s like when you were getting ready for homecoming again.” She was rewarded with her brother and sister-in-law’s middle fingers, and Victoria was pleased with Gianna’s disapproval and the picture the photographer snapped. They took pictures, and Sonny was glad when they settled in the back of the venue. He could see the back of Olivia, Barba, Amaro, and Rollins’ heads, and the change in his dynamic with Victoria had him looking forward to showing her off at the reception. 

“Shoes off at the reception. I intercept ma?”

“How’d you know?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m supporting ninety percent of your weight, Tor.”

“Love you.”

“Do I need to hold ya until we walk?” 

“Not enough time to make a difference. But you’re a saint for offering.”

When Olivia saw Sonny with Victoria on his arm, it made sense why he’d been calmer the last two weeks. He’d been texting her more, though he thought he was sneaky enough no one noticed how he smiled at his phone throughout the day. She seemed to smooth his edges, and she and Amanda shared a look over the way the pair watched each other across the front of the venue. The ceremony was a quick enough affair, and Bella had decided to let her bridal party sit wherever they wanted. That led to Victoria stepping out of her shoes, pleased to be spared a big entrance. Heels in hand, she followed Sonny to the table his squad was at before dropping into her seat and giving a wave.

“Means a lot to Bella and Tommy you all came,” Sonny said, taking her shoes and tucking the wall by his chair. “This is my wife, Victoria. Tor, meet Rafael Barba, Olivia Benson, Nick Amaro, and Amanda Rollins.”

“Nice to meet all of ya. I’ve heard a lot.”

“Wish we could say the same,” Rollins said, and Victoria immediately recognized what Sonny had meant. No venom. Just protective of her occasional partner. And Benson was definitely the mother hen, shooting the blonde a look as Amaro and Barba concealed smiles.

“Get it all out now,” she joked, rolling her eyes. “Married into this family nine years ago.”

“Been putting up with Carisi that long? I’ll petition the pope for sainthood.” The three piece suit. The snark. Barba was just what she expected. 

“Think she deserves it,” Sonny chuckled, arm flung easily over the back of her chair. “I can be a pain in the ass.”

Conversation started to flow easily, and he was glad Victoria was tough enough to bite back at Rollins and Barba when they referenced anything touchy. Tommy’s family filled out the rest of the table, and he was glad to see the trial had brought them around to agree that what happened to Tommy was wrong. Teresa and Tommy’s brother gave the speeches, and he liked seeing the squad join in as Bella threw the bouquet and Tommy threw the garter. 

“Bella caught my bouquet, remember?” Victoria smiled up at him.

“Yeah. And Freddy Esposito got the garter.”

“Both of ‘em got married this year.”

“Was delayed for us. Our friends from back then are just now getting married.” 

“We’ve been married nine years and aren't even thirty. I think we were ahead of the curve.”

“But now my baby sister is married and pregnant.”

“Dom, you do know she and I are the same age?” Sonny blinked, squinting at her. 

“You’re fucking with me, right?”

“We’re both twenty-seven.”

“No way Bella’s twenty-seven.”

“I like how you can fully separate me and Bella graduating together.”

“I forget,” he shrugged. “You always picked me anyway.”

“Then married you. Duh. Long game.”

“I hear people making noise.”

“They’re cutting the cake. Amaro has the garter half in his shirt pocket, and a three year old caught the bouquet. The same age you think Bella was when she caught mine.”

“Shut up,” he laughed, pulling her to stand at the edge of the dance floor to watch the first dance. His arms slid around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“He wouldn’t have to stoop so low if you’d wear your damn shoes, stellina.”

“Ma, leave her be.” Gianna rolled her eyes, but Sonny squeezed Victoria as the music started. “She’s coming back around. Called ya stellina instead of Victoria.”

It was kind of fun to watch the four members of his work family loosen up around the room. Amaro and Rollins were across the dance floor and not fooling anyone. Barba wasn’t sure what to make of any of the Carisis or Sullivans, but since they’d easily figured out that Olivia was not involved with him, the singles from both families had circled the man who was suddenly the most eligible bachelor. The best part was how hard Olivia ignored his visual pleas to be saved as she talked to one of Tommy’s uncles. It was nice not pretending work and personal life were separate; the squad had taken him in like he hadn’t anticipated, and now his family was taking the chance to accept his squad. 

When the first dance was over, Sonny pulled her onto the dance floor, holding her flush against him in a way he hadn’t been brave enough to before. They’d talked every day the last two weeks, and he’d realized they really had hit the turning point. The songs weren’t slow, so his chest was against her back as his hand splayed over her stomach as they swayed. Both their voices were off key as they sang along to each song with the rest of the guests on the floor. Nick and Amanda were wrapped up in each other, and Olivia and Rafael seemed perfectly entertained, so he didn’t feel bad slipping out after a couple hours. 

“I know you two. Go ahead and dip. You stayed for all the important parts,” Bella had grinned, bumping Victoria’s hip with her own. “I’m the only sober one here, so this is gonna wrap up earlier than anyone realizes. Baby and I gotta sleep.”

“You sure?” 

“Positive, Tor.” That was all it took for Sonny to lace their fingers, duck out of the venue, and start the couple of blocks to their hotel. At first, she wore the heels and walked,  but he quickly realized it was the shoes, not the wine, making her unsteady.

“That’s it,” he said, squatting in his suit. “Hop on.”

“My bag’s heavy.”

“I can handle it, babe.”

“You sure?”

“You don’t hop on, we’re going spider monkey front carry, and we both know that always ends in me tripping more.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and Sonny held her thighs, careful to keep the fabric under his palms to save her some modesty. When they were outside the room, she slipped the key from his breast pocket, helping him push the door open before he dropped her on the bed. 

“Thank you,” she sighed, toeing the pumps off and letting them fall. 

“Glad to be of service.” A little salute as he started to strip out of the suit and hang it. “Thanks for always ditching early for pajamas with me.”

“Glad to be of service.” She hung the dress and tucked the strapless bra away, and when Sonny turned from the closet, he saw her in the oversized sweatshirt again as she pulled the blankets back on the bed. He hadn’t bothered for two. They’d had that option every time but hadn’t used it when they were fighting. 

“Comfy?” He ran a hand through his hair, breaking up the gel before flopping beside her.

“Very.”

“It’s literally nine o’clock. Are we old, Tor?”

“Old? No. Codependent? Maybe.”

“We been living apart a year and a half. Maybe we’re just a clique.”

“Very true. We’re like if the plastics were millennials who had been married a decade.”

“We should write that script.”

“Forget law school. Teen movie parodies based around our marriage.”

“Perfect. I’ll drop all my classes tomorrow.”

“I missed you. It’s been nice talking all the time.”

“I missed you too,” he murmured, watching her with his cheek pressed to the pillow. 

“Regardless of if you’re ready to tell me, I wanna keep talking a lot.”

“I’m ready. I just was going to wait. Don’t wanna ruin our weekend.”

“I feel like you’re going to tell me and realize I don’t care as much as you thought. Unless you fucked somebody.”

“First, last, and only, Tor.” He rolled onto his back, taking a deep breath, and Victoria knew him well enough to know this really was going to be the moment. She sat up, legs tucked beneath her. Leaning towards him a little, she put her hand on his chest and rubbed what she hoped were soothing circles as he put his hands behind his head. When he was nervous, Sonny talked to the ceiling, just needing her to anchor him.

“Just trust me, okay?”

“I trust you, vita mia,” he murmured, and that particular Italian term of endearment let her know it was really happening. “You remember when my hours changed? End of 2011. Became a detective. Acted funny when you took me upstate. A year before I fucked up and forgot your birthday bakery combo dinner.”

“Of course.”

“I was working homicide.”

“Okay?”

“It really fucked me up, Tor. What I seen, it was so bad. The women. There were so many women, and they’d be so pristine. One of them was in a fuckin’ dumpster even. But he took all the time to give her a bath and do her make up and get her dressed. And you know what that always told me?”

“What?” she whispered, taking the hand that went from behind his head to rest on top of hers.

“It was their husband or boyfriend. The person who they trusted. And their faces were so peaceful, Victoria. They knew what was coming. And I’d go talk to people. You know what they’d say? They weren’t surprised. They’d seen it. They’d heard it. Those men hurt their wives and girlfriends. Took advantage of the fact they trusted and loved them. I started seeing you when I saw them, Tor.”

“Sonny,” she whispered, hating the way his voice sounded. It was thick with emotion, and he’d closed his eyes. She was well aware that if he opened them, they’d be rimmed red and tears would be falling. “This is what you couldn’t tell me?”

“You’re so proud of me. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I couldn’t sleep and it hurt so badly. I’d wake up freaking because I thought it was you. I’d never hurt you, but my brain just- I don’t know. And then you’re so good. You deal with cakes and fondant and cannoli and things that make people happy. I was so scared that if I talked about it, it would blot out the light in you. I felt like the only light I had was you. I think I pulled away because of that and it snowballed. When it got so bad, the last six months? It got to the point I thought all that darkness and the stuff I was seeing and the stuff my brain was picturing would- fuck- leak into you through osmosis or something. When I wanted to tell you, my brain would just change the words I wanted to say.”

“Sonny, I didn’t know it was like that,” she murmured. 

“You couldn’t have known. I wouldn’t tell you.”

“I should have figured it out.”

“Don’t do that, doll. If you’re willing to trust me to tell you moving forward, I just want to move forward.”

“I shouldn’t have left, Dominick. You were hurting, and I just abandoned you.”

“I was depressed. I should have told you or talked to someone. Being depressed doesn’t make it okay to neglect you. I need to take care of myself.”

“And I should have stuck with you. Figured out the why.”

“You did though. I’ve known that I can come to you for the last two years. I just couldn’t get past myself. Doc’s been working through it with me. Says I gotta learn that dad bottling it up wasn’t good. It works better for him and ma because she couldn’t read him when they met. I never had to tell you so I didn’t know how. And then dad doesn’t believe in men sharing their feelings. It’s easy to ignore that for the good feelings. I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t tough enough.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you how I was feeling. I knew you saw dark stuff and I was scared to make it worse. I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Are we okay?” His voice was almost pleading, barely a whisper as his eyes finally opened to look at her. She laid against him, cupping his cheek as his hand flew to rest on hers. They were both crying, and she hated it. She hated to know that it was such a stupid miscommunication. If she’d pressed on it, taken guesses, asked around, maybe she could’ve helped him not hurt. This new squad seemed good for him, and therapy was helping. She probably needed to address their relationship more in therapy, learn how to ask for what she needed. They had to an extent, helping her hold out as long as she had for him to open up.

“We’re okay, Sonny. I’m so proud of you.” She was nudging his nose with her own, not dropping his gaze. 

“Thank you for being so patient.”

“I’d have waited for ya forever. First, last, and only, Sonny.”

“Come home.”

“We gotta consolidate now,” she teased gently. “But I’ll come home.”

“It’s in Brooklyn now. You’ll like it. I didn’t even get rid of that stupid dog statue.”

“He’s a very important dog statue.” 

“I love you, you weirdo.”

“I love you too, nerd.” He missed laughing with her, even when they were both crying. The relief that flooded him was suddenly exhausting. Not telling her had been heavy on him for a long time, but he didn’t expect his body’s physical response to the openness. He felt like he did before he went on this pointless journey to hide the bad parts of his field from her. She knew what he did. She kissed him, slow and sweet and loving, and Sonny’s arms snaked around her. They’d kissed plenty since she left, but there was always a hesitance behind it. Unsureness around their status. Now, he was kissing his wife, not his estranged wife. Even if it took time, they were working towards her coming back home. They hadn’t had sex since their ill fated first run in post separation. It was slow and sentimental, and afterwards, he had a half second of panic she’d disappear. Instead of pulling away like his gut wanted, he curled around her frame, nuzzled into the crook of his neck. 

“I missed that,” he murmured. 

“Me too.” She rested her hand on his, and he could feel that she was smiling in how her cheeks moved. He felt greedy, wanting to feel every bit of her skin he was able to before he fell asleep. When he woke to find her still there, he was relieved, and even better, she’d twisted in the night, leg hooked over his hip and her chest pressed to his. They’d spent most of the night talking or tangled together, so they’d slept in until ten o’clock. He checked his phone to be sure everyone had made it through the night before. Once he reminded his mom he was spending the weekend and really wouldn’t be at Sunday dinner, he settled back in to watching her. After a while, she started to stir, pulling him closer. She’d been right, everything had changed once he told her. He didn’t feel like he had to keep any space between them.

“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered, and she stretched her arms over her head.

“Heya, handsome.” She pressed a kiss to his lips, and it took all his attention not to take her again. He’d made plans for the day, and he was determined to stick to them. Even if they hadn't reconciled, she was a sucker for the beach, even when it was cold, so he’d planned to take her to lunch, take her to get her nails done, and take her to walk the little shops he’d found. It would make her smile, and he’d missed the little trips they’d taken before. Other than going to the cabin, something she’d planned, it had been years between work and school and money. For their tenth anniversary, he was already planning, even though there was just over a year to plan. He wanted to take her back to New Orleans, just the pair of them together now and no disappointment on her part that her mom was there but ignoring her. 

“I planned a day for us.” His hands trailed her spine, and he realized something else had shifted since he told her the reality. While he thought it wasn’t possible, he felt even closer to her. The men in his family, though well intentioned, had always told him it would be viewed as weaker to share his emotional world with anyone. They thought it was a little girly for him to be as sappy with her as he tended to be, tearing up at weddings and when he talked about how proud of her he was. But the bad things? Those were weaknesses that would drive her away. The realization that the depression and inability to separate work from her didn’t scare her off made him realize that letting her see it wasn’t going to break them. Hell, it seemed to bring her closer.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Lunch on the beach. Little walk on the beach after. Manicure- I know you, Tor. Don’t try to say you got one for Bella’s weddin. You love them but won’t take yourself ever- and then we can walk around some of the little shops and stuff.”

“That sounds like a real romantic day, Dom.”

“What can I say? I learned my lesson about not being romantic.”

“I’m excited to come home.”

“Me too, Tor.”

Tag: @cycat4077 @fear-less-write-more

[fanfictiondreamscape]

First Kisses (Haikyuu - pt. 6)

Title: First Kisses (Haikyuu - pt. 6) aww crap the final part-

Genre: floof. Mega floof.

Pairing: Ushijima/Eita/Tendou/Shirabu/Goshiki x Reader (all separate) 

Notes: Sadly, this is the end of the Haikyuu boys series! I hate typing that up, but it’s the truth. And I can still do some of these for other fandoms if you readers like these. Also, I think I’m going to make a directory once I get some requests posted (following this, of course). Would that make things easier for people to find the request rules and masterlist? Probably - why would I even bother asking that question? 

Also, I apologize for the amount of cursing in this. I’ve been trying to cut back on it when writing, but it slips sometimes. Again, terribly sorry! 

Anyway, read on if you wish! I hope you enjoy! 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Masterlist

Ushijima Wakatoshi

ushijima is a simple and straightforward man

so, it can be easy to assume that he’d want someone that is very straightforward and simple as well. 

that doesn’t immediately translate to them being stoic and constantly stone-faced, though.

someone that can be considered blunt (to a fault), yet still remains very sociable and charismatic.

yep, they’d be somewhat popular for their aura.

otherwise, i imagine that he’d want to the kiss to happen in private. 

but, something would happen during it that’d kind of ruin that.

like, imagine that the two of you are on a date. 

something very easy-going, maybe even a study date.

there’s definitely some small snacking going on, though.

so like, 

the two of you would be reviewing your notes.

the both of you had been at it for a bit of time, too.

you were getting tired, you could tell that he was too, and you were determined to fix this.

so, your plan?

you discreetly pull your bag over to your side.

while he didn’t notice the initial action, he was pulled from his study-coma due to the sound of a zipper.

he didn’t look over his shoulder until you had tapped his bicep 

(that felt absolutely beaUTIFUL MY GOD-) 

you had a simper on as you waved a small gift card to the nearest fast food restaurant,

“are you getting hungry, too? i’ll pay.”

he glanced down at his unfinished work, and while he did have second thoughts

he did realize that he was hungry when his stomach rumbled.

it embarassed him a little, but he knew that he could trust you enough to be vulnerable 

(as vulnerable as he felt being around you)

his lips twitched up into a small smile, and that was all the confirmation you needed. 

you grabbed his limp hand and pulled him from his seated position

while the normal person may have shied away, you’re dating the tall guy

so his height led to him towering over you 

and you found the whole scene to be adorable

(as did he, but he wouldn’t say that - he still had a filter of a kind)

either way, the walk to the random restaurant was spent in comfortable silence

(aside from the grumbling stomach sound.)

(seriously - both of your stomachs were growling obnoxiously loud, and it left you surprised as to why not a single person had even given you nasty looks.)

(just some odd food for thought - holy shit. food.) 

ANYWAY

when you reach the place, you order your food

it couldn’t have taken any longer to come out

and you were getting a little impatient

a little habit you had whenever you were starting to become agitated was making him melt,

you were starting to scrunch your nose up and mess around with your fingers.

you were also starting to pout.

(yeah, that even sounds adorable. to him, the view is an absolute masterpiece.) 

when the food comes out, though

your face lights up from the previous expression, and the way you just glowed in the sun-

holy-

he would die from a cuteness overload, and it’d be your fault. 

so, you may have momentarily broken ushiwaka.

good job! 

either way, you two got the food and had made quick succession of walking back to your work to sit and relax.

and yes, while the food was greasy and slightly disgusting, it was quick and allowed you more time to do your work.

though you were unaware of his actions when eating, he was almost too aware of yours.

you were actually going through the food somewhat cleanly, but the way that you smiled when you made eye contact with the food

(if that would even be possible) 

either way, your lips curled up in the most sweet expression, and

holy- 

“you look cute.”

you paused.

‘did he really just say that?’

you blushed, of course

you blinked, you stood and you came to

“r-really?”

he nods, you blush brighter, and he decides that he just has to do it now.

“can i...”

his ears are turning red as he’s speaking.

“can i kiss you?”

you nod, and he awkwardly reaches up to cup your cheek

you turn even redder and he leans in

but he pauses, and you finish the motion for him.

you both are shocked by the actions that both of you had just done

but the feeling of each others lips together?

yeah, that’s forgotten.

you both get a little closer, a little more rough.

there is a lot of control in it, though that doesn’t negate any of the messiness that comes with something like this.

two teenagers that haven’t had a real relationship or kiss, just doing this for the first time? 

yeah, this is gonna be a bit of a tough ride. 

but as tough as it is, it still manages to be very loving.

the two of you indulge in the moment since, honestly, both of you have some trouble with your emotions. 

it doesn’t last though.

and it’s not because of you two, no- 

it’s because of tendou.

the boy barges in on you two, flips his shit, and jumps the gun immediately. 

you laugh, ushiwaka smiles (see above, absolutely precious) 

and everything just slowly gets a little more comfortable between you two following the kiss.

overall, very awkward and very inexperienced. 

but still very loving and controlled, with the passion still coming through. 

and the scenery?

couldn’t be more perfect. 

private (somewhat), intimate, and most definitely quiet. 

perfect for the both of you.

(plus, you got to tease the living crap out of the giant guess monster afterwards due to his reaction.)

(jokes on him, he talks a big game in this area, but he can’t own up.) 

Semi Eita

boy here is a savage

and a borderline tsundere

so, i find that he might be attracted to someone similar to him in that sense

very competitive, very passionate, and very hot-headed

but definitely better with their emotions than he is

they’d be more open to letting their emotions out, but they’d also radiate bbe

(read: bad bitch energy in spades)

which i also think would mean that the first kiss would happen in an area that would be very emotional to the two of you

possibly a first date spot, possibly a spot where you two just share some huge memories (aside from the first date spot)

but it also wouldn’t happen right out of the gate

nor would it be completely happy

like, imagine this

sooo

gym.

the volleyball gym.

you two had your first run-in with each other there

you both also had your first date with each other here

(just, i imagine that there would be something super attractive and glorious about the gym, possibly a skylight or something under the stars)

(seriously. can’t leave school grounds? picnic in the gym under the stars, people will think you’re helping me train.)

and to top all of that off, that was where tendou and goshiki pushed you two into each others arms and made you confess to the other.

(yep, you guessed it - you’re a manager, and a 3rd year)

and, with you being a third year-

here you are.

you two are nearing graduation, 

you’ve been dating a for around a couple months,

and you both wanted to relive your memories before you break away from the high school that you’ve attended since you were younger

so, yeah

a very emotional day and following.

so, the both of you had just gone to the cafeteria, the old dorms rooms that were looking barren

seriously, the rooms that the third years had been in were getting cleaned before graduation

which just so happened to be up and coming within the business week.

yeah, cue the tears 

(oh wait, you already cried a fair amount a while ago and you’re saving the remaining ones for graduation.)

either way, you were pretty down about the whole thing

as was semi 

and the both of you just needed the comfort of each other

just visiting the places that brought you joy over the years.

the gym was the final spot, and it was one that the both of you had silently agreed upon visiting.

the stars were out and the time was brushing 10 pm

you two had gone through the motions throughout the day, but now?

you both wanted nothing but to imagine a night under the stars, much like the past dances

so you did

you had pulled your phone out of your pocket, set it right up on full volume

and played a slow song 

semi had wrapped his arms around your waist, yours around his shoulders 

the comfortable aura from the both of you made you both calm down 

and allowed the both of you to get lost in the moment

you were able to ignore the looming feeling of sadness that would most definitely follow

so, that being done, you got lost in each other under the stars 

you were eyeing the way his eyes seemed so drawn into yours, the eye contact being so intense

the way your bodies just molded together

the way the music made the atmosphere lighten up

just...

an overall perfect moment.

and here, here is where that perfect moment was taken advantage of.

“can i kiss you?”

you paused for a second and blushed, but! 

“yes, semi, you can.”

you leaned up and kissed him.

he smirked when you did it, but responded nonetheless

and, in typical semi eita fashion, it was very passionate.

you were just as driven as him, so your response was equal to his 

there was no making out or any trace of a french kiss, but 

it was super sweet and loving, despite the snarky attitude the two of you carried.

it lasted a fair while, and since it was under the night sky 

and was also in an area that was secluded, especially at that time of night.

so yeah, when you two pulled away, you both went on with your action of slow dancing under the stars for the second time.

so, overall?

very sweet, as well as passionate

and yes, while i did hc them to happen during an emotional time,

the two of you would take the comfort you feel from each other, and manifest that into the kiss

(and its also an emotional moment for people that act like semi and his s/o’s headcanon).

but, again, 

very long, passionate, loving, and romantic

(holy shit, who would’ve guessed-)

and it was everything you could have asked for while slow dancing with each other 

under the moonlight

with the stars reflecting the other

beautiful. just beautiful. and perfect.

Tendou Satori

tendou is a tease, right out.

he’d want a s/o that can dish out what they can take.

and that includes any jokes, “insults”, and pick-up lines that are thrown to either of you.

so, someone witty (and a little sarcastic)

also athletic.

for some reason, i can just imagine the two of them just running around for the hell of it 

like racing each other into grocery stores or the mall, maybe even the gym

and like, measuring up enough to tie on race wins.

they’d definitely be shorter, but their stamina would be nearly endless

but the kiss i feel would come up out of the blue. 

possibly in the hallways to tease the living crap out of each other in the middle of an “insult” battle

so, basically just imagine the two of them are walking from lunch

and they were going at it

semi, reon, and ushijima were starting to get annoyed, but they found of the things you were throwing at each other

still doesn’t make it any less annoying

(honestly, they were just staying close to see who would win or call it time-out before they reached class.)

“so what, tall-ass? at least i don’t have to duck when walking.”

“yeah, and you? i don’t have to worry about jumping whenever i have to avoid you when you’re biting ankles.”

“oh, this again?”

i think you get it.

either way, things were taking a turn for the more impulsive

you had begun to target his shonen, he had begun to target your movie genre obsession

yeah, when you both hit those targets?

things were getting bad.

so, being the parental figure that he is, semi had tried to break it up

and he did...

“guys, calm down. i don’t want to have to separate you in the damned hallways.”

you two quieted down for a bit and laid off the borderline offensive banter

“thank you.”

but semi’s attempt only lasted for a few seconds.

“okay, but seriously, you still aren’t caught up on the last volume, what makes you think you have the right to-”

“one more word, and i’ll kiss you.”

the five of you were still walking, but 80% of the group straight was caught off guard.

you, despite being part of the 80%, still refused to back down when you were still shocked

“oh really?”

“yep. keep going, i dare you.”

“you don’t have the guts.”

“you sure about that, doll?”

“oh, damn straight i am.”

“keep it up.”

“gladly.”

this continued on for a while, pushing to an end when you two reached the hallway for your classes

but tendou was determined.

and time was still plentiful.

so when you spoke next, well...

“okay, just face it you won’t-”

and he kissed you.

straight up, in the hallway, in front of the eyes of many students.

and he wasn’t shy about it in the slightest

tendou went full messy on you, you responding similarly.

the shock of it definitely wore off quickly for you.

it was filled to the brim with passion

and yes, while it was a ‘shut up’ tactic,

it worked wonders for the both of you, seeing as this type of stuff would have been expected of the both of you

didn’t make it any less loving though

(at least, after the initial force.)

so, if you know what i mean, this lasted for a while.

(translation: make out session)

yep, you two straight up shared tongue in the hallway 

(and you may have been pulled closer to him and laid against the wall as the people started to disperse following the action and it’s suddenness)

just, quite literally, a surprising mess.

and it took a few to get you two away from each other

(literally, semi stayed behind to try and pry you guys apart but was dismissed when a teacher had come by the scene.)

(yep, you two got pried apart and given a warning)

10/10, would do it again.

overall, though-

again, 10/10, would do it again

seriously. 

that kiss is passionate, messy, and borderline sexual

BUT

that doesn’t mean that it is any less loving

(see above for author here’s repetition of the same sentence)

plus the breathlessness that comes with the whole experience

holy shit, yes

plus the scenario in which it happened as well as the setting?

oddly perfect for the two of you

casual, comfortable, and open

(yeah, i can’t imagine the kiss happening anywhere but at school don’t @ me)

Shirabu Kenjiro

first things first, this boy is a hardass.

but he’s also the only member of the Shiratorizawa volleyball team that didn’t get in on an athletic scholarship.

so, that being said, his s/o would most likely be someone highly intelligent

like, if he’s in class 4, they’d either be in the same class or a higher one

either way, highly intelligent

i also have the feeling that he’d have to have run-ins with them near constantly

think like, team manager?

they’d would also be very introverted and responsible

he already was drawn to their intelligence, what else could be asked aside from basic college-prep class student other than responsibility?

and the introversion is simply because the man is a man of action, i’d reckon

otherwise, for the kiss.

well, it’s in the library.

the two of you had decided to study together before the exams

you both got in on academic scholarships, so you both had to keep the grades up.

it didn’t necessarily help that the two of you also had little time on your hands because of volleyball practice and games.

(stress runs high in this household, y’know?)

 either way, you find a way to work around the stress and go on your merry little studying way

(AKA ‘hope-to-god-that-i-don’t-absolutely-lose-my-mind-before-exams’ way)

besides the point, you had been wanting to kiss him as of late. 

seriously, you two had been together for a good few months now

and you both wanted to take things slow

but the perfect moment had come and go many, many times

and you were starting to get a little POed. 

‘does he not want to kiss me?’

‘does he not like kisses?’

‘does he not like me that much?’

yeah, you are intelligent but you are also pretty insecure 

(and also very pretty, but since people find your straight face kind of terrifying, not many of them talk to you - not like you care, after all.) 

and while none of that is true, from his perspective, of course

shirabu is just shy.

yep, that’s all it is.

he’s seen the moments, he’s wanted to take the chances

but things just haven’t worked out for him.

it’s always at the worst times, and frankly-

it was getting annoying for the both of you.

for different reasons, of course

but annoying nonetheless.

either way, you two came to the library to study, not make out in the surprisingly hidden area that you had chosen-

ANYWAY

you both got down to business quick.

flashcards, notes, textbooks, you name it

you needed it, you had it

and the both of you had an amazing grasp on the subject matter

so you both went about your normal study process 

(that had been modified to match the library)

things had been going smoothly for a while.

there had been a few slip ups, on both ends, but there was still a few more days beforehand and you both planned to tear into the study material as they continued

so you’d both be fine in the long run.

you still weren’t happy with it, though.

it’s not a surprise that you two had decided to take a small break to hone and get some water.

and while shirabu took the water and small snack route, you took the opposite

you had shoved your face into your notes and reviewed what you got wrong, even going to the extent to annotate the notes you already had with extra information from his notes and the subject textbook.

shirabu had been watching you as you concentrated, 

eyes grazing over the information with intensity that only intrigued him 

(holy shit, i sound like i’m preaching something, why am i like this-)

the way your bright eyes practically glowed with drive

god, it drove him wild.

and whether it was the stress coming to a head, or just the look in your eyes-

hell, maybe even the lack of care that you had for your health-

he just had to kiss you

(distraction, aid, or not)

he knew that now was the perfect time, that this moment would be the best time to do it

so he knew he had to suck it up

and that he did.

he was still hesitant in his approach, though.

“s/o, look at me.”

“hmm? whaddaya nee-”

straight up smooches you midsentence.

the uncharacteristically bold move shocks you, but he makes it quick

(or at least quick enough to distract you from overworking yourself) 

and as quick as it is, my god-

it is passionate.

veyr rough, very forceful, 

but he was careful not to hurt you.

either way, the love and lack of hesitance came through.

and safe to say, the messiness was very prominent as well.

on one hand, though, you stopped pushing your head so hard to study

and you also managed to take the hint.

“so you felt that too?”

“yeah, i did. now stop studying and get some water, idiot.”

you chuckled at him, but did it nonetheless.

you two spent the rest of the time huddled closer together, as well.

(you two didn’t realize the third years peeking through the bookshelvesn watching this though)

(”my god, our little second years are growing up! T_T”)

overall, though

given the preciseness of the kiss, you both felt content with it for the time being 

(i know, a short kiss despite the many times it failed? damn.)

but yeah, given the circumstance, it worked for the both of you.

the library setting, too, holy-

just, overall a great kiss

short, sweet, a little messy, and very shy

(just like your relationship lol)

(sidenote: you two got teased relentlessly by tendou, but semi shut it down quick.) 

Goshiki Tsutomu

can we cover this first? 

this boi is awkward. 

yes, he’s driven. yes, he’s capable. and yes, he is intelligent.

but that doesn’t negate awkward. 

this is why i think he’d have to know his s/o before dating them. 

they would be aware of his little quirks and habits, as would he.

but they’d have to be much more sure of themselves in other areas in order to help push him forward

he does the same, of course, but he’d have an odd time handling it.

so yes, they’d have to be sure of themselves and, possibly, even motherly

patience and tolerance would be key to support this boy.

that being said, i have a feeling that he’d try to make the first kiss happen with a cliche romantic build up

i mean, he’s not stupid, but he most definitely is unaware of how to deal with romantic endeavors. 

(that is actually kind of adorable, but hey - he’s oblivious to things like this, so tell him.)

otherwise, he started the date off in a typical manner.

he had walked up to get you at around 5 pm

you had the okay to skip dinner with your family/guardian for the night, you were prepped and ready in your flowing outfit \

(vague for personal reference)

he had also come prepared, dressed nicely and clean

holding your favorite flowers in his hand, possibly even some small candies for you (that are also your favorite) 

just overall, you could tell he had paid attention to the things that you liked 

(no duh though, you two have been friends for years).

either way, he had everything planned.

and it started off with a picnic at the park.

what else would he hold the candies in?

you thought the basket he was using was a little oversized for candies alone

and you were right.

he had everything that he could bring (and knew wouldn’t rot) with him.

what he didn’t know is that there was none of the food he had originally packed in the basket

and the blanket he had prepared wasn’t there 

(his mom had taken the basket he was supposed to use and he took the one she had - potluck problems).

safe to say, you both didn’t really like the food in the basket

and worse yet? the food was nasty with a capital N

yeah, that part of the plan was bust.

your alternative? 

McDonald’s.

some small amount of money for some small amount of fast food? 

good enough.

not for goshiki, but hey - what can you do?

otherwise, his next plan was fairly simple. 

he’d planned to meet his mother at the amusement park later that night to trade off the basket and enjoy some rides with you.

(and his plan included the ferris wheel) 

anyway, since the ‘meal’ didn’t last long, you settled for walking through town. 

and you did, but...

it rained. 

and the both of you got soaked.

it didn’t last long, thankfullly, but boy oh boy...

goshiki was starting to get a little depressed. 

you noticed, and reached for his hand. 

if things weren’t working out, you’d find a way to replace it.

right now, it was calling your older sibling to come and get you from where you were and taking you to his flat 

(it was the closest) 

either way, he had come by and two had decided to change into off-hand clothing that had been stored there 

(you left some clothes there for when you wanted to see your brother and fell asleep, your brother had some old clothing that fit goshiki)

either way, the awkwardness settled

your brother left you two to your own devices as he had some quick college assignments to complete. 

so you two decided to watch a tv show you both liked while you waited. 

eventually, it happened as such.

your brother had left his room after it was complete and, to keep some secrecy, pulled your brother aside to tell him the plan.

he agreed, and goshiki’s first kiss plan held a chance. 

eventually, as 7:30 rolled around and it started to get dark, your brother told you two to get your stuff and get in the car

“we’re going to the carnival - y/n i’ll pay for whatever you need.”

you both just went along with it.

when you arrived, goshiki walked off for a little bit before running back to you and taking your hand in his.

your brother had already bought a good amount of tickets for you two to use, so you were in the clear. 

you two had ran around, going on a rollercoaster even! 

(you were smiling, goshiki was crying - good times)

but when night fully came upon the sky, he knew he had to act fast.

and, luckily, his luck didn’t screw him over. 

the line to the ferris wheel was short, the sky was getting darker by the second, and he could see people setting up fireworks from his crappy vantage point below the hill.

‘perfect timing.’

and indeed it was.

you had been seated next to him and the ride had begun, and the fireworks had been set off. 

the lights were reflecting, and the pressure of the night just hit him square in the face.

“hey, s/o, i’m sorry about today.”

“what do you mean?”

“the picnic, the walk...it didn’t work out the way i wanted it to and i’m sorry for that.”

you laughed, making eye contact with him.

your bright eyes made him blush and your smile made him melt.

it didn’t help that the neon lights and the fireworks were reflecting in the depths of your eyes.

he knew that the time was now, but he was afraid that if he took the bold chance, you’d push him away.

you, on the other hand, had a completely different idea. 

when he had directed his attention to the floor of the compartment you two were in, you had reached for his chin and pulled his face to meet yours.

you straight up kissed him. 

this shocked the boy, but he went along with it and cupped your cheek in his hand as you wrapped your hands around his neck and pulled yourself closer to him

it got more passionate, and much more messy.

hell, you didn’t even realize how breathless the two of you were until the loudest firework went off right as you two reached the top.

you pulled away from each other then

and while the two of you were bright red, you still cuddled up closer to the other for as long as you could before you both had to go home. 

but, just in general, holy-

this boy’s whole attempt was the cutest thing, and the kiss?

same way.

honestly, it was shy and so timid, 

but it held the messiness of the whole thing still- 

it was still immature, no matter the whole ordeal.

otherwise, both of your romantic fantasies were met to the highest standard when you had kissed on the ferris wheel just-

mwah! 

[mirkwoodshewolf]

History comes to life; Ahkmenrah x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well this has been a LOOOOONG time coming in. For years I’ve alwasy wanted to try and write an Ahkmenrah fanfic and thanks to a Wattpad friend of mine, she gave me that chance. So here we are with my first Ahkmenrah fanfic. Now this is only part 1 and I’ll try to have pt.2 up as soon as I can. Hope you all enjoy this fic my lovelies :)

UPDATE: PART 2 IS HERE

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@dancingcoolcat​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@kairosfreddie​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

________________________________________________________

2006. New York City. The Museum of Natural History. My home away from home.  I mean to a college girl going for a master’s degree history that’s a lot, and all at the age of 23.  Yeah whenever it came to school I was always deemed the ‘smart one’ or in some cases the ‘nerd’.  

Was Valedictorian in high school, completed my bachelor’s degree within my first 2 years of college and now I’m completing a 4 year master’s degree.  Not only that but I once did an entire year abroad in Egypt as a part of one of my courses that gave me 3 credits for one of my History courses.

And now here I am completing an internship credit instead of going for a core course credit, here at the Museum of Natural History.  So far into my second week of my three month internship it’s been pretty good.  Since I’m also having to write my dissertation about the ruling of Ahkmenrah, this place has been a great place to think.

Whenever I wasn’t needed by the boss, Dr. McPhee, you would normally find me in the Ancient Egypt hall, sitting in the room of the pharaoh himself writing my paper.  And I know it sounds crazy but sometimes I wish that I could actually have the chance to speak with him, I mean if I’m to complete my dissertation I wish to know things that I didn’t already know (there’s only so much you can find on the Internet).

Little did I know that that day would soon come, and it all started with a blast from the past. 

I was currently walking down the steps after completing my day here at the museum when I saw walking with Cecil, one of the three night guards an old ‘boss’ you could say.

“Well I’ll be damned. Larry Daley.” I greeted as I came up to them.

“Oh hey, hi uhh…..” ahh the same old Larry forgetful Daley.

“(Y/n) (l/n). I used to live down the road from you guys.”

“Oh right sorry! Wow it’s been a long time.”

“Yeah about 3 years since I graduated high school.” I said with a smile.

“So I see you know our new nightguard huh Ms. (l/n)?” asked Cecil.

“Yeah I’ve babysit his son since the day he was born. How is Nicky by the way?”

“Oh he’s you know good. Fine. Loving hockey.”

“Oh that boy and his hockey. I remember he tried to get me to play it in the house and we ended up breaking that lamp.”

“Yeah thanks for reporting that.”

“Even though he tried to convince me not to speak of it.” I giggled. “So Cecil says you’re going to be the new night guard?”

“Yep. Just showing Larry around, giving him a little tour before his shift tomorrow night.” Cecil explained.

“Well, welcome to the team.”

“So do you work here too?”

“Oh no I’m just here for an internship credit but Dr. McPhee has allowed me to do further researching even after my internship’s up.”

“Read her dissertation a couple of days ago, she’s quite the researcher. Any further questions you can always ask her.” Cecil said.

“Oh Cecil you old charmer stop it. Well I better get out of here before traffic gets too crazy. Bye Cecil, Mr. Daley, welcome aboard again and I hope to see you before your shift tomorrow.”

“Yeah of course, see yah then (y/n).” I smiled and gave the gentlemen a nod goodbye before bundling up and walking out into the New York winter air.

I was now at home typing up what I had written down on paper and transferred it to the rest of my dissertation that was on Word.  I heard my door open and in came in my mom and she said.

“Dinner’s ready.”

“Okay mama, just half a minute and I’ll have everything typed up.”

“Sweetie you’ve been working non-stop ever since you got home. You can step aside for ten minutes to eat dinner.” I looked up at her then saved the changes I had and said.

“Fine mama, you win.” She grinned down and said to me.

“I always do. Until you become a mother yourself, you’ll never win.” I scowled up at her before the two of us walked out of my room and headed downstairs to eat.

As we ate our dinner, I told her about my progress and about Mr. Daley now working for the museum as the new nightguard.

“Wow, Larry Daley. Hadn’t heard from him in a while. Not since the official divorce.”

“Wait what?”

“Oh honey I’m sorry to tell you this but Larry and Erica were going through a divorce this past year.”

“Ahh man. How’s Nicky taking it?” I asked.

“Well last time I ever talked to Larry he told me it was a joint custody agreement. Now whether that went through or not I’m not sure.”

“It must’ve, I mean he did say Nicky was still playing hockey so that must mean he gets to have Nicky at least some days of the week, maybe the weekends.”

“Erica was always hard on him. Even when they first got together. Don’t tell her I said that though.”

“I promise mom.”

After dinner, I took the dishes and cleaned them out before placing them in the dishwasher before going back to my paper. Before I even knew it when I finally ran out of ideas and edits, I saw that it was after midnight.  So after saving everything I shut my laptop off and got ready for bed.

The next day it was like any other day.  I went in, did my rounds for Dr. McPhee, organized some files and edited some papers.  Then after my lunch break I had time to do my paper for the final 4 hours of my day today.  Even with the small crowd of people in the Pharaoh’s tomb, I wasn’t really bothered or distracted from doing my dissertation.

In fact I was so invested into it that I almost didn’t hear the voice speak over me.

“Hard worker as ever.” I looked up and smiled at Mr. Daley.

“So, ready for your first night tonight?”

“I don’t think it should be that hard. I mean not really anything happens in a museum at night.”

“Do you got a second? Just wanted to see if you’re interested in a cup of coffee. Colleague to colleague?”

“So not just for the sake of me being your old babysitter? Is that all I am to you now, just a colleague?”

“No. I mean yes. But not in that way I mean I was just…..” I laughed and said.

“I’m just pulling your buttons Mr. Daley. I’d love to get a cup of coffee. Maybe even educate you on what you’ll be guarding.” I packed up my stuff and we both headed out to the coffeeshop just down the block from the museum.

As we walked around Central Park he asked me.

“So that paper you were writing earlier, what’s it on?”

“Oh it’s my dissertation paper for my master’s degree.”

“Masters?! Wait so you already got your bachelor’s?”

“Yeah. I got it just last year. Now for my masters I’m doing the full 4 years so in total I’ll be doing 6 years of college.”

“Wow, sounds exhausting.”

“It can be, but I can’t help it. I’ve got a thirst for knowledge. And as an ancient civilizations concentrator I can’t help but want more.”

“Yep your mom always did call you her little book worm.” I smiled and nodded. “So that paper.”

“Oh yes that. Well I’m doing my dissertation on the ruling of Ahkmenrah and how he was the most justified ruler Ancient Egypt had ever known. Sure there have been good pharaoh’s but I’m setting to prove just how fair and just Ahkmenrah truly was as a ruler. Even with his short time as king.”

“How long did he rule?”

“Well he was given the crown by his father when he was just 16 and ruled for only 4 years before he was murdered by his own brother.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, his brother was extremely jealous of Ahkmenrah. So much so that after murdering his brother, he tried to claim the throne only to throw Egypt into despair in just under a year of his ruling.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. Ahkmenrah sought to treat everyone with a kind but firm hand when need be. Did you know that he was the only pharaoh known to be kind to the Hebrew slaves?”

“I did not.”

“Yeah. He even tried to seek out a fair system where they wouldn’t have to work on their sacred holidays. Of course it wasn’t passed yet because well—he died just before he could declare it a law.”

“Wow, things would’ve turned out very differently had that happened.”

“Yeah. Cecil’s also been a good resource too since he was there when he found his tomb when he was just a kid.”

“Cecil found Ahkmenrah’s tomb?”

“Yeah. The three sarcophagus’ of him and his parents.”

“But wait I thought you said he had a brother?”

“He was. His brother wasn’t buried with them. Kahmunrah was condemned to be mummified alive and buried in a tomb far beyond the royal family’s because of what he had done.”

“Wow that’s—horrifying. Don’t they like rip their guts out or something?”

“All their organs were placed into jeweled canopic jars.”

“Wow. I think I lost my appetite to drink this coffee now.”

“Sorry Mr. Daley, I can be a little assertive when describing some of the things the Ancient Egyptians did. But you should’ve seen me when I actually got to set foot in an actual mummification area.”

“So you actually went to Egypt?”

“Yeah last year during my bachelor’s degree last spring. I spent an entire semester down there. Learned a lot, and I can speak a little Arabic. Ancient Egyptian is a little rusty but I know like a word or two.”

“So if you could, could you read what’s written around the tomb of Ahkmenrah?”

“Now you’re really challenging me Mr. Daley.”

“Thought you said you loved a challenge?” I chuckled.

“That I did. But sadly no. Probably a word or two as I said.” I looked down at my watch and said.  “It’s almost sunset, better get back to the museum less you wanna get fired on your first day. I’ll check in on you first thing tomorrow.”

“Okay, thanks for the little history lesson on the pharaoh (y/n).”

“Anytime. And here, give me your phone.” He handed it to me and I went through his contacts to see if he still had my number. Turns out he didn’t so I went ahead and gave him my new number since I got a new phone. “Here, any questions or concerns or if you just wanna chat. Give me a call.”

“Thanks (y/n). Anything I can do for you, just let me know.”

“Give me a chance to see that knucklehead Nicky again and we’ll call it even.”

“Will do.”

“Well good luck Larry.”

“Thanks.” I waved goodbye and walked back towards the nearest exit and hailed down a taxi and told them my address.

As I lay down in my bed after typing up the next several pages of my paper, I charged up my flip phone since it was almost dead from this week’s use.

“Hope Larry’s liking his new job. I’d give anything to stay the night in that place.” I stretched myself out and cuddled into my bed before falling asleep.

Bright and early the next morning I got around and headed on out of the house.

“Mama I’m heading out!” I cried out.

“Have a good day sweetie, give my love to Larry for me.”

“Will do mama.” I gathered up my stuff and took the bus toward the museum.

Once I got there, I entered inside just to see Mr. Daley walk out.

“So how was the first night?” he looked at me like he had just been through a rumble with Mike Tyson or the Rock as he said.

“Well I—”

“Dad.” A young boy’s voice said.  We both turned to see Nicky walking with another man with short black hair and looked younger than Mr. Daley.

“Hey, hey buddy. What are you guys doing here?”

“Oh Erica had to be in court early today so I’m taking Mr. Big stuff here to school. But he wanted to swing by see your new job.” The man explained with a smile.

“It’s so awesome that you’re working here.” Nicky praised.

“Well your dad gets a praise but I don’t get so much as a hello?” I teased.

“(Y/n)!” he came up and hugged me and I hugged the little monkey back. “Do you work here too?”

“No I’m just here as an intern for a couple of months.”

“So Nicky whose your friend here?” the man asked.

“Right, (y/n) this is Don. Erica’s new uhh…well he’s her new….” Larry tried to explain but Don butted in by saying with a business man snake-like smile.

“I’m her boyfriend. So you’re the famous (y/n) the babysitter I’ve heard about.”

“Yeah. So you’re the new guy huh?” I looked over him once over and all I saw was a monkey in a suit with an earpiece to his ear.

“Yeah.” He shrugged like it was nothing. “Hey Nicko. Wanna take a lookie-do inside. Maybe your dad or your friend can give you a VIP tour?”

“You know what we’re actually kinda slammed this morning but I promise I’ll show you around soon bud, deal?”

“Deal. Love you dad.”

“Love you too.” Nicky hugged his dad and Mr. Daley gave Nick a kiss on the top of his head before he and Don walked hand in hand across the crosswalk before heading towards his school. “Yeah Erica and I are going through a—”

“I know, mom told me the other night. I’m so sorry. You both seemed really happy together.”

“Yeah well sometimes life happens. I’m just thankful I get Nick on Wednesdays and every other weekend.” He said solemnly as he kept his eyes on Nicky.

“Were you really thinking about quitting?”

“How did you…..”

“I’ve seen that walk so many times with my friends. Hell I’ve even done that walk before once at the Library of Congress. So c’mon Mr. Daley the truth.”

“Last night was……intense I’ll admit. But I really want Nick to be proud of me, and not see me as…..ordinary.”

“As Teddy Roosevelt once said, ‘some men are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them’. Maybe this is your moment. Look I know being the night guard may not be the funniest job ever for you. But don’t do it for yourself, do it for Nicky.” I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder.  He looked up at me and said.

“You truly were the best babysitter Nicky ever had. No wonder how he got so wise.”

“History geek, you get great life quotes. Not just from Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.” I then skipped up the steps and walked inside.

“Oi intern!” I sighed heavily.  Even after 2 weeks he never really does call me by my name.

“Yes Dr. McPhee?”

“The Egyptian tour guide called in sick this morning, I want you to take over his shift. You’ve got the better resume to give a tour with your year abroad. So do it.”

“Yes Dr. McPhee.”

“And see to it that the children don’t touch the exhibit. God I hate it when those sticky little monsters think a museum is a-a-a-a-a…..touchy place.” He then turned away mumbling to himself.

“Out of all the bosses I’ve had, he’s by far the goofiest and strictest. But it’s better than organizing files again.” I then went up and Rebecca handed me my Egyptian tour guidance flag and I waited for the first wave of guests which was in fact kids from the middle school I went to years ago.

When the class arrived I greeted them and told them my name and that I would be their tour guide today.  I walked them through the Egyptian wing before finally leading them to the tomb of the Pharaoh.

“Now we are finally arriving into the tomb of the pharaoh himself. King Ahkmenrah was known as one of the youngest pharaohs to rule in the Upper kingdom of Egypt in 232 BC. He was even the first pharaoh to be crowned above his older sibling.” It was then I had a young girl raise her hand. “Yes sweetheart?”

“What are these statues?” she gestured towards the 20ft. jackal guards.

“Ahh those are the Anubis guards. The Egyptian god Anubis, Lord of the dead is said to be the judge of the underworld. He would deem by balancing your soul on a scale with sand and if your soul weighed heavier than the sand, you would be damned in the underworld. But if your soul was lighter, you’d be granted peace in the afterlife. His guards which you see up there are the protectors of bodies, especially over the royal families tombs.” I got another hand raise this time from a black child.

“Do the mummy’s really get wrapped up in toilet paper?” at that the kids all laughed, to which I couldn’t help but laugh.

“No. No it’s not toilet paper. They get wrapped in special linen which is sorta like a gauze wrap. How many of you had an injury and your parents would wrap your injury with a sorta white bandage?” I got a few hands raised. “It’s basically that. But before they wrap up the bodies, they expose the body to a type of oil and salt to de-moisturize the body so that it could be preserved from the elements.” Another boy asked.

“What exactly is that gold thing up there?” I looked up and I said.

“Ahh that my dear boy is the tablet of Ahkmenrah himself. It arrived here at this museum in 1952 from the Nile expedition. It is said to bring the dead back to life.”

“Yeah right.” The boy sassed back.  Kids today, so desensitized by movies and television.

“It’s a legend but never mock the powers of Egyptian magic. Okay kids, why don’t you have a look around and check him out. But please don’t touch the stone slab.” I then walked aside and the kids all gathered around Ahkmenrah’s sarcophagus. “If only it were real.” I muttered as I sat down and rested my feet.

The day dragged on until finally I was clear to go home.  I decided that for tonight, I would leave my dissertation for next time and just immediately go to bed.  I covered myself up with my thick warm blanket and was out like a light.

The next day it was just about closing time and once again I was in the tomb of Ahkmenrah.  I stared down at his sarcophagus sighing softly.

“Excuse me miss, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to vacate the premises.” I jolted slightly but when I turned around I saw that it was only Mr. Daley.

“Oh sorry, just—kinda got caught up in my thoughts is all.” He switched his flashlight off and walked up to me.

“So this whole Egyptian stuff really—gets to you doesn’t it?”

“Ancient Egypt has probably been one of my most favorite ancient civilization. It’s just fascinating of how the Egyptians were able to build things like the pyramids, the sphinx, and intricate tombs that have endless passages in order to trap graverobbers when they didn’t have the technology we have today. It’s amazing.”

“Yeah, guess that is kinda cool.” We stood there side by side in brief silence before he said, “Hey (y/n), do you really believe History comes to life?”

“I mean yes. In a way all around us we are always being given knowledge of every historical moment. And this museum helps us to actually in a way live through it.”

“I mean do you truly believe that history can come to life?”

“I—don’t get what you’re saying Larry.”

“I mean that…..I tried to tell Rebecca this earlier but she ran off on me. She thought I was making fun of her but I really wasn’t I’m telling the truth, I told her the truth.”

“What truth?” he looked around before he leaned close to me and whispered.

“Everything in this museum comes to life. At night. All because of that tablet. Ever since they brought it here back in 1952, everything in this museum came to life.” I looked at him before saying.

“Uhh—have you been overworking yourself again?”

“No, no I swear to you (y/n) I’m not lying.”

“Look, your shift’s about to start and I should really get going. We’ll—talk about this tomorrow. Goodnight Mr. Daley.” I quickly walked around him but I could hear him trying to call out to me.

As I exited the museum I began thinking back to what he was saying.  I mean I know I said that there could be a slight chance that the tablet of Ahkmenrah could hold some magic but this—this is something else.  I hailed a cab and asked him to drive me back to my place and in just 10 minutes I arrived back home.

As it got darker and snow began to fall from the sky, what Larry had told me earlier this evening was still spinning in my head.  I mean what he said was absolutely crazy, if he was implying that the figurines, statues, and the actual pharaoh himself can come to life at night—he was even crazier than when I first met him.

Suddenly something was thrown at my window.  I gasped and turned on my lamp to see the leftover remains of a snowball.  I got up from my bed and looked out the window to see some figures standing down along the sidewalk.

From the streetlights I could see that it was Larry and Nicky but along with them were two others.  One was dressed up as an Egyptian pharaoh and the other was dressed like Attila the Hun.  I put on my coat and boots and quietly walked down the stairs and unlocked the door.

“Nicky? Mr. Daley? What are you guys doing here?”

“Hey (y/n) look I know this is a lot to take in right now and I don’t have a lot of time to explain so I’m gonna cut right to the point. Cecil stole the tablet of Ahkmenrah, along with Gus and Reginald. We have the other two back at the museum but we need your help in getting Cecil.”

“Whoa wait what? Mr. Daley you mean to tell me that the former head of security, someone I’ve looked up to for years has stolen the tablet of Ahkmenrah? Why would he want to steal it?”

“He said he and the other two guards were gonna sell it so that they could get a wealthy long retirement.” Nicky spoke up. I then turned to the two costumed gentlemen and I said.

“Am I missing the historical convention or something?”

“No, no, no. You know how I told you the tablet makes things in the museum come to life? I’d like you to meet Attila the Hun and the pharaoh himself Ahkmenrah.” I turned towards them and almost couldn’t believe it, especially with ‘Ahkmenrah’.

I mean there’s never been a real documented picture of him due to his short reign but—he was kinda cute. Wait what am I saying? This could all be a trick.

It was then Attila said something in Mandarin as he nodded to me.  I looked at him confused, that’s when Ahkmenrah said.

“He says he’s honored to meet someone who knows his true history and not the fables that surrounded him.” I walked up to Ahkmenrah and I looked him over.  His light blue eyes and sun kissed skin.

“How do I know you’re not just some method actor?”

“I assure you my lady I am no actor. But if you want to test me since you know so much about my history especially, ask me something only I would know.” I crossed my arms at his challenge.

“Okay.” I thought long and hard about a question that only either I or the ‘pharaoh’ himself would know.  “How exactly did your brother kill you?” yeah I know it was a dark question but it was all I could think of that was a difficult question.  Some scholars have even debated on Ahkmenrah’s death but I alone knew the truth after getting some good research done.

“It was sunset. I had just gotten through with wanting the Jews of Egypt to have free will among my kingdom when my brother called me into the studies to speak about the new law. At first I thought we’d go into another argument about it, but he wanted to drink a celebratory toast in light of the new law. I thought nothing of it so my brother and I drank the wine he had prepared. After the toast, I felt this pain in my stomach and—my brother standing over me with nothing but a cruel smile on his face.”

Oh…….my…..god.  It—this was……Ahkmen—he…..Ohhhhhh shit!

“My pharaoh I—” I proceeded to bow before him but he stopped me and he said.

“Please no. There is no need for that.” Oh my god his hands were so warm on my cold ones.

“I—I can’t….I just can’t believe. Oh my god I’ve really fallen off the deep end haven’t I?”

“Told you I wasn’t crazy.” Mr. Daley spoke up.

“Okay, okay I believe you. So where is Cecil at right now?”

“Last we saw him he was heading for Central Park.”

“Then why the hell did you come here for!? Central Park from here is halfway across town compared to the museum! We’ll never catch him on foot.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He then whistled and soon a horse came charging in and stopped right in front of us.

“Uhh Larry I hate to break it to you but we all can’t fit on one horse.”

“Oh I know this is my ride, your ride is Rexy.” I soon heard the thundering footsteps and soon following behind a toy truck was the giant T-Rex that you first see when you walk into the museum. It let out a roar and my mouth just dropped.

“You finally get your Jurassic Park wish huh (y/n)?” Nicky said to me with a wide smile.

“I—I suppose so.” The truck stopped right by us and I took notice of the two small miniatures inside that were inside.  The Roman General Octavius and the cowboy Jedidiah.

“We ready to get this rodeo on the show now gigantor?” said Jedidiah.

“Yeah guys. So you remember the plan right? You all round Cecil off and I’ll follow behind him.”

“We’re on it my liege. Everyone hop on. The enemy must not escape our sights!” Octavius proclaimed.  Larry and Attila got on top of the horse and the two of them rode off while Nicky, Ahkmenrah and I got on top of Rexy.  Ahkmenrah got on first and he held his hand out to me.

I took it and he helped me mount onto the T-Rex. My back was pressed up against his chest and our noses almost touching each other’s.

“Thank you.” I softly whispered in awe.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt. It’s—very different from mounting a horse.” I nodded as I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

“Shall I leave you two alone to get a room?” Nicky sassed out.

“Oh you little twerp just get on.” He grinned smugly as he came up and I told him to be careful as he came and sat in front of me. “K guys we’re ready!” Nicky told the two miniatures suddenly Rexy lunged forward and soon we were running full speed towards Central Park.

Within 10-20 minutes we arrived at Central Park and on the other side through the trees I saw Cecil riding on top of the money carrier horse and coach.

Rexy soon began to run faster which forced me to lean further up against Ahkmenrah.  We looked at each other and smiled at each other as I felt him hold onto my waist tighter so that we wouldn’t fall off.  Rexy then suddenly took a sharp left and we were now right in front of Cecil’s path.

But then Cecil took a sharp turn right past us just barely missing Rexy’s leg by a few inches.  It was then I saw the horrifying sight of the truck that Jedidiah and Octavius were riding in spin out of control until it flipped over a small foot of snow before exploding.

With no bone to follow, Rexy soon stopped and whined and we all looked in the direction where the two miniatures had disappeared to.  I saw that Larry had stopped just ahead of us and he was looking right where Jed and Octavius had fallen.

“Rexy let me down boy.” He lowered himself down so that I could get off of him.

“Where are you going?” asked Nicky.

“I’m gonna help your dad end this. Ahkmenrah, can you keep an eye on Nicky?”

“Yes of course.”

“Nicky, stay with him alright?” I told him in my sitter voice and he knew to never go up against me when I used that voice.  I hopped off and raced towards Mr. Daley. “Larry!” he turned to me and I said. “I’ve got a plan, but I need you to do exactly what I tell you.” he nodded.

“Hop on.” I got on the back of the horse as Larry said, “C’mon Tex let’s finish this. HIYAH!” soon we took off racing after Cecil.

“Stay close to the back of the coach, I’m gonna try to hop on it and grab the tablet.”

“Are you crazy!?”

“Yeah well it’s been a crazy night. So just do it!” he urged Tex on and soon we were right up on the stagecoach.  I reached out as far as I could and missed it a few times before finally getting a grip onto it.  Once I pulled myself up, I nodded to him telling him to get Cecil’s attention while I went for the tablet.

“Give me the tablet Cecil!” Larry cried out.

“Can’t do it, son!” the horses whinnied as they ran faster and I slowly crawled up towards Cecil’s back where I could see the glimmer’s of the golden Egyptian tablet.

“Pull over!”

“It ain’t gonna happen. Moving on!”

“Last chance Cecil! Stop the horses or I will!”

“They can’t be stopped, Larry. Don’t you know your history? These are money carriers. They were trained not to stop for anything but a secret word.” I finally grabbed the tablet and pulled it out of the bag as I said.

“You don’t say?” It was then Cecil turned and saw me with the table. “You mean a word like—”

“DAKOTA!” Larry cried out.  I then held onto the roof railings of the stage coach as the horses suddenly stopped and Cecil went flying forwards into the snow.  As Larry rode up towards Cecil, I got off the stage coach and followed right behind Larry.  “Read up on my history, along with a little help from a friend.” Larry said as he turned towards me.

“And by the way. Consider yourself out of my dissertation paper.” I told Cecil.

“And also, never talk to me like that in front of my son.” He then grabbed Cecil and threw his famed words back at him, “Moving on.”

We soon met up back at the stagecoach where Ahkmenrah, Nicky, and Atilla and his Huns came in.

“Oh hey, Huns.” Cecil said nervously as Larry transferred him over to them.

“Tell Atilla to have his boys take him back to the museum, put him back with the rest of the guards.” Larry told Ahkmenrah who then translated it to Attila in his tone. “Oh and uhh no limb ripping, okay?” Larry told Attila.

Attila tried to reason with Larry but he shook his head saying no.  That’s when Attila pinched his fingers with a little bit of space between them as he asked Larry.

“Mikaka?” Larry turned to Cecil for a moment before turning back to Attila doing the same thing as he responded.

“Makeekaka.” Hearing that made Attila and his friends very happy as Attila then proclaimed out to his Huns.

“Hey, w-wait. Hold the phone. What’s Makeekaka mean? Wait, translation please?” he asked Ahkmenrah as the Huns picked him up and carried him back to the museum.

“That’ll teach him to steal from the museum.” I bragged. “Not bad Mr. Daley. That was impressive.”

“Hey, couldn’t have done it without those websites you sent me to help me out with the research. You’re the real hero here tonight (y/n).”

“Yeah, and that was so awesome of how you got onto that stagecoach. You were like a superhero back there.” I blushed at Nicky’s praising.

“They are right (y/n).” Ahkmenrah said.  “We owe this night to you, thanks to you I once again have my tablet.” I smiled and said.

“It took all of us. Teamwork is what got this back.” I said as I held up the tablet.

“Oh boy.” I heard Larry say grimly.

“What is it?” asked Ahkmenrah.

“I gotta get you guys back to the museum.” He said urgently.

“Why? What happens if they’re not back at the museum? Well besides it being empty.”

“If the exhibits are outside of the museum when the sun comes up, they turn to dust.” He told me.  My eyes widened in fear as I turned to Ahkmenrah and he looked at me with a grim expression that expressed the truth.

“How?” asked Nicky as I turned to see half of the museum already here in Central Park.

“It’s gonna take us hours just to wrangle everyone up. And this isn’t even half of the exhibits we need.”

“Ahkmenrah. We’re gonna need your help.” Larry guided me over to the young pharaoh as he continued, “This is your tablet, you know the instructions. We need you to get everyone back.” I handed him his tablet and he took it from my hands.

As we did the transfer, our fingers briefly touched one another’s and I swear to god I thought I felt a spark.   I swallowed my little crush (was it a crush? I don’t know) and nodded to him and that’s when Ahkmenrah began to speak in ancient Egyptian as he looked down at the tablet.

As soon as I heard him say his name, the tablet glowed which reflected his face majestically, but that’s when I heard Rexy softly growl as he then began walking back towards the museum.  Not only was he walking onward but all the exhibits, it seemed they were all in a trance as they walked on.

With that the four of us left alongside the exhibits and we went to make sure that everyone got back there and to their designated wings safe and sound.

Once everyone was inside, present and accounted for; I walked with Ahkmenrah back to his tomb and he said to me.

“Thank you, for helping me retrieve my tablet (y/n).”

“It was no problem. Really. I’d do it all over again a thousand times if it meant you and the others could live to see another night.” He smiled and as he placed it back to its proper place he asked me.

“Will I see you tonight?”

“Oh I don’t know.” I sighed heavily.  “I can’t let Larry just get the boot for this, at least not if I can help it.”

“You have a kind heart (y/n). In another life you would’ve made the perfect Egyptian Queen.”  I blushed and laughed shyly. “If that is the case, then it was an honor to finally meet you (y/n).”

“Believe me it was an honor meeting you. I just…wish we had more time. I have so many questions for you.” He smiled and said.

“If the Gods make it to be, perhaps one day we shall cross paths again.” I nodded as I extended my hand out for a handshake. He took it and instead of a handshake, he turned my hand over and kissed the back of it.

I felt my face heat up and butterflies fluttered around my stomach as I nervously smiled.

“Yeah, you too Ahkmenrah.” I then helped him back into his sarcophagus and once I closed it up, I heard nothing but silence.  I turned to the Anubis guards who now stood very still and figured that it must be sunrise about now.  “Wadaeaan ya fireawn. Num jayidaan.” I whispered as I gently touched Akhmen’s sarcophagus.

I left the Egyptian wing and saw that all the exhibits were now once again either statues once more or had phased back into their wax figurines.  I walked down the steps to see the large mess once again.

“You got him back to his wing safely?” asked Larry.

“Yep. Safe and snug in his sarcophagus. C’mon. Let’s clean up whatever we can before McFreak comes in and flips out.”

“(Y/n).” Rebecca scolded me.  I shrugged at her as I picked up a broom from the supply closet nearby and handed one to Nicky and the two of us began to collect all the toilet paper that had been tossed around.

When Dr. McPhee did come in, he was definitely not happy.  After having Larry and I sit through the news that was talking about all the sightings that had happened last night from Rexy’s footprints in the snow, caveman drawings in the subway and even the Neanderthals up on top of the museum building waving torches in the air.

“Any explanation at all?” he asked the two of us. Larry thought about it before he came to a fake conclusion.

“No. Got nothin’.”

“Me neither.” I answered.

“Right. I’ll take your keys and your flashlight then.” He said as he walked up to Larry before turning towards me and continuing, “And you. Can turn in your membership and research card. You’ll be banned from the museum until further notice.” Larry and I looked at each other before Larry turned in his stuff and I turned in my access card.

He guided us out of his office to let us out of the museum but what we saw was something I had not seen since I was probably a little girl.  

The museum was packed! There were probably hundreds maybe even thousands of people walking about, getting tours, checking in, and asking for information about certain figurines or exhibits.

A wide smile spread across my face as I placed my hands over my mouth trying to contain my excitement.  But what really got me excited was when Dr. McPhee gave Larry and I back our stuff and gave us a small smile before walking away.

“Oh my god.” I said in awe.

“Seems the news really brought this place back on the map.” Larry said.  I then hugged Larry as tight as I could and he hugged me back. “What’s that for?”

“I have no idea. Just—thank you for probably the greatest moment of my life.”

“You sure it don’t have anything to do with the pharaoh just one floor up?” he teased.  I playfully punched him as hard as I could in the shoulder.

“I’ll see you tonight Mr. Daley. I’ll even pick up Nicky and bring him here.” I headed off to start my shift since I knew the tour guides needed more help so I decided to lend a hand and help out.

Of course that was fun and all, but the real fun began when the sun went down.  With my I-pod hooked up to the stereo on my “Happy feet playlist”, I had my #1 song ‘September’ by Earth, wind and fire playing while all the exhibits were gathered around the main lobby in celebration.

Everyone was either dancing or playing soccer and I couldn’t help but smile at seeing a once ancient pharaoh dance so badly that it was almost embarrassing.  Our eyes soon locked with each other and he came over to me and said.

“Come on, let’s dance.”

“Oh no, no, no, no, no I don’t dance Ahkmenrah.”

“This is our party and I demand you dance. By royal decree.” He teased at the end with a wink down at me.  Well—who was I to deny a royal pharaoh’s decree?

“Just a little warning for you, I don’t know how to dance.”

“Neither do I.”

“So you’re not at all embarrassed?”

“Not really. We’re amongst friends. And true friends don’t laugh at one another, even in their silly moments. Now come (y/n).” he took my hands and pulled me onto the dance floor and the two of us danced to the beat as silly as we possibly could.

[selfmadesuperhero]

i’m very much not okay 

and i’ll probably take very long for me to explain why

i don’t know how to write this. i don’t know where to even start. i’m here because i just don’t have anywhere else to go. i can’t afford therapy. i no longer have any close friends other than Mabu (gf).

it’s getting pretty bad inside my head

i know most people’s lives are hell this year and i’m not special. i know that. to me, this year is feeling like the last nail in my coffin because 2019 had already chewed me up and spit me out. 

i kept my last job for eight years. after my first year there, another developer came in, and we became friends. we worked side by side less than 4 feet apart for six years. our hours were flexible but we always agreed upon our schedule just so work would be more bearable, because we both hated it and often had to team up against our boss’ downright abuse. it was a very small company (at its biggest we were only 7 employees). we were also going to graduate at the same time from the same school (different majors), so we had a bit of a pact to leave our shitty boss once we’d graduated and start developing our own, way less shitty games.

at the start of 2019, he got an excellent job offer. i was thrilled for him and told him to of course get out of that hellhole we hated so much, we were only there because the pay was decent and the hours were flexible so we could get our degree, you know? it stung, but i was happy for him. on the last day i gave him a ride home (which is also something i did almost daily), he surprised me by hugging me and telling me i was like a brother to him and our plans weren’t going to change. 

i believed him, and went back to work. he was soon replaced, obviously, by a junior developer because that’s how capitalism works. but suddenly, i no longer had someone to take a stand with me against my boss - there was no one left that i knew, everyone had resigned or been fired and i was the oldest employee. you’d think that’d earn me something, after eight years being dedicated to the same company, right? 

(shortly after, my grandma passed, after years and years of agonizing in a wheelchair. we lived together)

fuck that

the first months were fine. i was being the senior developer and teaching the junior constantly, so my boss stayed out of my way. but see, this is where he started to get ansty. the more the junior stopped being a junior and was actually useful for something, the more that piece of gigantic ass just started thinking only about our salaries. i started in that company in 2012 making little more than 3 bucks/hour (remember i live in a third world country, but it was still specialized work), but by 2019, my salary was pretty much double of what the junior was making, and every penny extra i got during those years was a CONQUEST. i also worked six hours while he worked eight, so.

my boss basically started treating me even more like shit. he wasn’t nice to be around before, but he was bearable in small amounts. suddenly it was obvious to everyone that he was really fixating on me and my performance, and to me it was obvious he just wanted me to walk away too so he could replace me with TWO junior developers instead of just one measly charlie. 

then, the nationals elections began. oh boy.

this probably wouldn’t read as news to anyone, but i’m a huge leftie, obviously. if you’re at all interested in politics, read about what socialist policies have done for uruguay during the past 15 years and how they turned us into AT LEAST a developing country, but i digress. 

the people that sat in my office even shared my political views or whatever, but my boss is actually part of the conservative party and started actively campaigning. every time something involving politics happened, he made a point to come barging in the office and telling me and specifically me about it like i was personally running against his party. i actually recorded him once to have proof of him at least screaming at me, so i could check if i was crazy for thinking he had something against me. he frequently called me communist and just mocked my views. if you’re wondering, yes, this is illegal, but nothing happened. 

then, two big things happened at once: we lost the election, and my recently adopted puppy was diagnosed with distemper. yes, it happened on the same that and it’s a day i’ll never forget. 

my girlfriend and i had talked about getting a puppy once we moved in together. we’d named him like two years before it actually happened. we moved in together on may 2019 and on september i found the most precious boy for adoption on facebook and i was innocently all like “oh i’ve had to put rescue dogs for adoption before, let’s give back!”. 

on october 27th, he had a seizure and the vet told us it was likely we’d have to put him down because only 20% of dogs survived, and it was even less for puppies. 

when i went to work, i had to put up with my boss laughing and mocking me for winning the election “against me”. i guess i missed my running for anything?

this post is already too long for me to get into details about my dog’s disease. for months, every day we looked after him constantly. i read everything there was to BE READ about distemper online, spent thousands of pesos on medicine and treatments just in case he had a chance. good news is he did! this is the only positive note in this post. 

it still wasn’t easy. he made us cry at least three times a day. we really thought he was dying, and we’d made the mistake of naming him 2 years before he was even born. we’d taken PERFECT care of him while he was unvaccinated, but the vet told us it was most likely he was already infected before he came home to us. i’d never seen such a small puppy so sick. he hallucinated constantly. if you don’t know, distemper is a neuro/digestive/skin/bone/HELL disease that’s really nasty. he’d have seizures almost daily and poop and pee himself. he stopped being able to control his body other than his two front legs, which he didn’t even have full control of. when he stopped being able to walk, he started crying constantly, it really tore the heart out of my chest

we called another vet, a dog physical therapist, so she’d tell us how we could help him. she told us to make him stand as long as possible, so every time he had a meal, i’d bend down with him and hold his hips - so he’d be able to stand, and slowly gain back some muscle mobility. every day we massaged his legs and flexed his joints, even his tiny toes, so he’d avoid atrophy. and we did it!! as i’m writing this, he’s one year old now, he’s no longer sick even if he’ll carry with him plenty of lifelong sequels, and he walks and runs and barks like the best of them ♥ i wasn’t going to plug anything but if you wanna see his progress, it’s on instagram @hamiltonthefighter

okay, i guess i ended up talking at length about his disease in the end, sorry. his walking again had a price to pay for me: my own back. for two or three months i was bent over this dog, you know? i still can’t get out of bed without help sometimes lol around december it got really bad but i just kept popping pills because joy oh joy, i was doing my thesis and i didn’t really have time or money for anything else. my job was basically paying for our rent, my university classes including the thesis course which was ridiculously expensive, and our dog had given me credit card debt out of desperation (we even had to buy those rubber things used for yoga to place on our floors so he’d have something to use his nails against instead of constantly slipping on the floor, we tried every medication that might help, we gave him CBD oils, all kinds of vitamins, constant vet visits where during the first two weeks he got like three different shots every day, etc)

i’m rambling, and i’m sorry, but i don’t really think anyone will read this. i started this post crying my eyes out and writing about my dog at least has been calming, because even if he’s a drooling mess now, he’s still the same he ever was and i love him very much and he’s sleeping soundly next to me and he’s finally close to fine. 

remember the friend i talked about like half an hour ago? the one that worked with me for six years? nothing changed between us during the first months. for my thesis, i was going to develop a videogame with Mabu, but we were allowed to have external coding help because it was about GameDev, not the actual coding. i knew how to code, obviously, but Nico (the friend, guess we’ll give him a name) was also part of our project so he was gonna help us code so i had more time to focus on art and 3D modelling. the idea was kill two birds with one stone, make something we all liked, mabu and I were going to graduate with it and then we’d keep working on it during 2020 as we’d always always talked about.

by december, even if nico and i still talked regularly, i could tell he had just moved on with his life. he’d said he’d help us, but he was doing his own thesis, so i told him not to worry at that time, our final due date was in february. he asked us to forgive him during december and promised us he’d come back in january to DEVOTE himself to the project. i started coding the project besides working on the art and i was thankfully able to meet all the deadlines, so it was really fine, of course i understood where he was coming from. 

then, on january 7th, Mabu’s grandma passed away. she was scheduled for a heart surgery that supposedly only had 1% risk, and she passed on the table because of a doctor’s mistake. the surgery was here in the capital, but Mabu’s family lives five hours away. she comes from a very big, very loving family, and her grandma (being the mother of five children) was very much the center of it. i also loved her. she’d replaced my grandma the second she passed and every time i saw her she hugged me like i was a lost grandson. 

when my girlfriend called me during her surgery, i immediately left work because i just knew she would be crying if things were okay. this was a nightmare come alive for a family of 20+ people, and most of them were 5 hours away from their own house. my mother in law was (and still is) devastated by the lost of her mother because she was the one to encourage the surgery and she still thinks she killed her. i drove my her, my girlfriend, her sister and her sister’s boyfriend on my mother’s in law van for five hours while they all cried or slept and i had to really, really pinch myself because i was EXHAUSTED but what else could i do? 

logically i missed work the next day. LOGICALLY. i had the service to attend and i was 5 hours away from the office and i didn’t even have my own car with me. i told my boss to discount the day, since i wasn’t entitled to the mourning day by law because it wasn’t my grandma. he didn’t even reply - he almost never talked to me by this point unless it was to berate me for something. i went back to work the day after the service.

now, remember we were doing our thesis and it was due in february? it really wasn’t great timing for anyone to die, but i was trusting Nico’s promise that he’d have more free time and he’d make up for not helping us code sooner. i told him the news about Mabu’s grandma, and then basically had to tell him to say something to her for her loss because he was supposed to be her friend, what the fuck, why aren’t you at least sending her a text.

let’s just say, january wasn’t a great month for Mabu and myself. two weeks after the passing, we still hadn’t had news from Nico. Mabu didn’t even have time to properly mourn because we had to turn our thesis in like, little over a month. i wrote to nico just downright ASKING if he was gonna be able to help us or WHAT, to which he said to me...

he’d never promised anything because he was really busy with his own stuff and he didn’t want to bring it up sooner because he knew Mabu was mourning and things were hard for us at the moment? 

like that’s great pal, thanks for telling me at the last POSSIBLE second you were just dropping out altogether, what the actual fuck? it still baffles me that someone can be so thick headed, but he kept saying he had made no promises and both Mabu and I knew that was a lie and i honestly just couldn’t deal with someone so selfish he couldn’t at least give a heads up sooner

the icing on the cake during the beginning of this year is someone i haven’t even mentined: MY PIECE OF SHIT BROTHER. talking about him may deserve another post, because this is already so long and convoluted and i haven’t even talked about his involvement in my misery during 2019-2020. i’ll try to make the story short if anyone’s still reading this far: 

a lot of years ago, our maternal grandmother moved to uruguay from russia and bought a tiny shitty house here next to my mother’s. my mother still hasn’t talked to me since 2013 because i’m trans, but that’s neither here nor there. i tried to keep in touch with my brother (we don’t share dads so he was no relation with my side of the family), and around 2017 i finally succeeded in making friends with him. or so i thought, clearly. 

that grandmother passed... sometime. i don’t really know because they cut me off. she didn’t speak to me either, she was literally a crazy old nasty woman and i didn’t even care when i heard she’d died, to be honest. she was such a nasty woman, she’d put her tiny shitty house to my and my brother’s name just to keep her own daughter out of the inheritance when she bought it. 

that also meant i was inheriting something for the first time ever, even if it was shitty. BUT my brother had his own fake grandma (the woman who looked after him his whole life instead of our mother) who was very old and frail and asked me if he could house her there. i said yes because again, i didn’t give a shit about the inheritance or the house or anything regarding my mother’s side of the family (other than him obviously), so for years this woman occupied the house. my brother basically took all existing furniture and appliances because he was moving in with a girlfriend and i even loaded up my shitty car with his stuff. all i wanted to inherit was the couch set, which had come all the way from russia and everyone had promised me since i was a wee lad, but he started whining about his fake-grandma not having a living room set and nowhere to sit and i didn’t even live by myself yet so i let them have the fucking couches, too. 

oh boy this is already too long but now i’m too lazy to make a separate post

anyway, sometime during 2019, the woman moved out to an old folks home because she could no longer take care of herself. i immediately asked about the couch set with hope in my heart that it could finally be mine, but my brother told me our mother didn’t want me to have it. 

he wanted to rent the house to make a profit, which sounded good to me because of that dog related credit card debt i talked about. and here’s where you might think i’m not that there in the head, but all my life i didn’t want anything to do with that house until my mother was in the ground - not out of hate but because i thought it was a shitty thing her own mother had done to her, and the inheritance should have been hers. she doesn’t have a degree or a stable job because she’s a russian translator so hey, whatever, they needed it more than i did. but then my brother starting getting ideas about improving the house so we’d make more money, and how we should do it together, and... i think i might have mentioned already why i didn’t exactly have time to redo a house? i was doing my thesis? about to graduate? my boss was constantly on my case? my dog was about to die? 

i helped as much as i could at first, but then december came, and then january, and my brother just kept nagging me about the house like i was purposefuly sitting on my ass doing nothing, because oh every day it’s not rented it’s money lost. no amount of explaining how stretched thin i was seemed to suffice, not even when mabu’s grandma died and nico left us hanging with the thesis and i had less than a month left to code the whole project by myself while ALSO taking care of the art. 

by the end of january, i was so stressed, i called a doctor after a panic attack. he gave me a weeks rest because of my back, because i wasn’t even able to get up without help at that time. it wasn’t much of a rest because i still used that time to sit at the computer and code 15 hours a day at LEAST, but hey. 

it was the first time in 8 years i’d taken medical leave of ANY kind. i didn’t even get medical leave when i got my chest surgery. it happened on a friday and i was back to work the next monday. i’d never skipped more than 2 days of work at best when i had a bad case of the flu or something, but that was it. 

when i went back to work, my boss immediatelly called me to his office. he started berating me about my performance again, bringing graphs comparing the amount of lines of code i’d written next to my coworkers. i didn’t mention this, but the graphic designer had also quit during 2019, so i was also covering that workload and no, that didn’t exactly translate to lines of code. i also had to spend HOURS every day tutoring the junior because he was too much of a cheap shit (didn’t use those words) to hire an experienced developer. i’d even WORKED AS A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR MEDIA CONTENT FOR HIS POLITICAL CAREER, EVEN IF IT WAS AGAINST MY BELIEFS AND NOT AT ALL RELATED TO MY JOB. he denied everything. EVERYTHING. he stuck to the narrative that i was just lazy and the proof was i’d just taken AN ENTIRE WEEK because “my back just hurt a little” and i had the audacity to skip work for someone else’s grandmother dying

i’m not exaggerating, i swear to anyone who might be reading this. that day was brutal and i’m still not over it half a year later, i don’t care if that makes me sound like a wuss. i worked eight years of my life in this fucking place. 

this argument lasted for hours, but i kept my head down because i couldn’t afford to lose the job, specially not then. i even apologized for any loss in performance and tried to explain my point of view and what i was going through (which i’d already done to another superior weeks ago anyway). but just when i thought i’d MAYBE be able to keep my head above water, he told me he was denying my the request i’d made to take two weeks of holiday days before the thesis final due date. 

i had already explained everything to him. everything, even nico dropping the team and my having to do everything by myself. i broke down and i told him he was forcing me to leave my job, i’d just have been certified by a doctor and i was asking for leave for SCHOOL (all things that are protected by law here), but he just kept repeating i could either walk away from my job or show up during those two weeks. he just wanted me gone, but he couldn’t fire me right away without having to pay me THOUSANDS because of my seniority (by law). he knew what he was doing to me and he didn’t care about it. he didn’t even let me TOUCH MY COMPUTER, he told me he wasn’t the one pushing me away, that i was doing this to myself, and he’d ask for a lawyer to check my computer for any “inconsistencies in my activity”, even. i really have a hard time just thinking about that day and how utterly humilliating it was. i lost a lot of personal files, because i sat at that desk for eight years and of course i had personal files because sometimes i stayed after hours before going to class. 

imagine for a second a sixty year old man, rich as shit, political candidate, standing in front of a computer, disconnecting the mouse and keyboard so i couldn’t touch it, yelling at me i was doing this to myself and i was losing my job because i had the audacity to ask for two weeks leave to finish my fucking school thesis. 

and yeah, i lawyered up. i didn’t have actual money to AFFORD a lawyer, but mabu’s cousin’s girlfriend was a lawyer and lived one block away and i immediatelly told her everything there was to tell. she brought me to the firm she worked in and they guaranteed me i had a pretty strong case and i was at least gonna be able to walk away with something.

that put things in hold for a while because the “trial” or whatever wasn’t gonna be held until after the thesis, so i tried to forget about it. my boss even owed me my untaken paid vacation days, which i told the lawyers because i was pretty sure he’d just forgot, but i wanted to know if it made a better case against him. they agreed, and i left it at that. 

but you know who was still making my life miserable even when february began and i had less than three weeks to finish our project right? MY SWEET BABY BRO. he was constantly nagging me about having to do all the work himself, like I’D ASKED ANYTHING FROM THAT HOUSE TO BEGIN WITH. but see, the nastier he started getting, the more apparent his lies began to appear. he got nasty to the level where ON THE DAY I WAS TURNING THE PROJECT IN he kept calling me demanding MONEY for stuff he’d paid for the house without checking in with me. i was honestly baffled by his level of selfishness, i was already sleeping three hours a day tops and he expected me to what, paint walls? he was FIERCELY against having to wait for my project to be done even if it was two weeks away and he was asking and asking for money when i’d just told him i’d lost my job without a penny to show for it. nice guy, really. 

suddenly, the following lies became clear: 

 my mother didn’t care if i took the couch set, he told me that because he was moving again and he was planning on taking the couches himself. (he ended up doing just so, too). he lied to me with the thing that hurts me most in the world: my mother hating me. he had even made a joke about it, because my mother had bought a new couch not long ago, and he didn’t “get” why she “didn’t want me to have anything”

 years ago he’d told me he had refinanced a tax debt the house had, and i gave him money for it. now that the house was about to be put up for rent, he pretended that had never happened and suddenly started talking about how we needed to take care of that

 he wasn’t planning on splitting the rent three ways between him, our mother and i. he was gonna keep two thirds, and i later even found out my own mother had given him the idea. 

 then poor mabu confessed to me once, two years ago, she’d wore a skirt one time visiting my brother and his then girlfriend, and he had told her nasty stuff to her year upon saying goodbye and she had never said anything because didn’t want to hurt our sibling relationship 

talk about final nail huh? 

i confronted him and he denied everything, obviously, he instantly played the victim card, how dare i think that way about him, how dare i break his dreams of reuniting the family again. he said things to me i’ll also never forget like, apparently, it shows that i’m a shit person because i have no friends and no one wants me around, unlike him that has so many. he told me i thought the world owed me when i was shit and i believed anything anyone told me before believing him. no one told me any of his lies, i caught them all by myself, but whatever. he cursed me and told me he never wanted anything to do with me because i was rotten and i only cared about money and i was so so selfish. this must have been around march and i still don’t know anything from him, or care.

what do i have to do for that side of the family to leave me alone, i wonder? all i ever wanted to do was be his friend

the “trial” against my boss came and suddenly every lawyer that worked at that firm was taking a fucking holiday except for the one that was supposedly leading my case - except suddenly, i didn’t have much of a case at all. i walked away with less than 2 thousand dollars and that was WITH the vacation days i hadn’t taken. the agreement was the lawyers were gonna keep 25% of however much i made but THAT vacation money wasn’t supposed to count because it didn’t come out of the “trial” thing, you know? 

well, it did. the lawyer screwed me over too. but hey, at least he’d gotten me unemployment for a couple of months (you only apply for unemployment if you’re fired, not if you walk away from a job, and my having been fired or not was what was being contested), i still tried to be optimistic, i had a few months to figure things out while i looked for another job, and at least i was able to finish paying for school with that money.

yeah, this was late february, beginning of march. joke’s on me for being optimistic at all

my own brother plotting with my own mother against me has done a number for my mental health. i already had baggage aplenty, like every trans dude or girl whose parents would rather see them dead than be a dyke/fag (my mother’s own words, ladies and gents)

my boss of eight years kicking me to the curve at the worst moment in my life in the most humilliating of ways while blaming me for it has left me feeling so worthless to people in general. i’m getting better with time, i think, but i’m still all not there. i have a really hard time thinking my work is worth anything at all.

i keep thinking my brother was right, and i’m a shitty friend, and i don’t deserve anyone around. my only real friend at the moment is my girlfriend, which makes it really hard to have any arguments because i start feeling like my life is ending because she’s pretty much all i have left and she’s the most important thing in the world to me because i wouldn’t have survived all this shit i’m writing without her by my side. i would walk to hell and back for her. but nico also left me behind without a second thought, after telling me i was like a brother to him, no matter how many times i invited him to hang out or anything to keep in touch. i’ve been a shitty friend to a lot of people, but not him, and he still didn’t care about me at all, so i just stopped trying. 

but now social distancing has got me all fucked up. i can’t trust people. i can’t go outside. everything is scary to me, i have at least two or three panic attacks per WEEK and they get nastier and longer every time. i know i need help, but i can’t even afford rent, let alone therapy. Uruguay has the worst unemployment rates since 2006 now thanks to our baby-Trump right now. i look for jobs daily even if the notion of having a job even SIMILAR to the one i had before gives me the shakes. programming isn’t as hard as some people may think, but the workplaces are usually VERY toxic because you’re valued by the amount of lines of code you write, and i’m so so tired. i’m still looking because I NEED. TO. PAY. RENT. but not because it’s something i want in life, at all. i’d much rather be poor and just do freelance work instead, but i’m failing.

i thank the people that have helped me or commissioned me these past few months from the bottom of my heart. i’m sorry i’m not more active, i’m sorry i’m still rusty and can’t draw faster, i’m sorry i sometimes spend half a day crying my eyes out because i just don’t know how to move forward. i have a week left, i still haven’t made enough for rent, let alone the bills or food. mabu used to get plenty of art commissions on etsy, but she hasn’t sold anything since march either and she’s younger than me so our financial struggles have an even deeper impact on her

i’m just so, so tired. i’m lucky to have mabu, and that is about it. i honestly don’t think i could have survived this year without her. for months the future has looked like a black screen to me. i can’t even trust the vegetable market in front of my fucking house because some piece of shit spread the rumor that i’m trans and now i can’t even open the door to my front house without getting stares sometimes, it’s ridiculous. i wish i could trust more than one person in the world so that everything wasn’t on her shoulders.

i’m not okay. we’re not okay.

that’s about it. i’m sorry i can’t end this on a more positive note. at least we graduated with an excellent score. not that we had a graduation, obviously. thanks corona.

thank you for reading if you read this far ♥

[booksalwaysandforever]

Holding on to the Memories Chapter 4- Finale

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3

Summary:  Lauren’s life was a perfect dream, until one day it wasn’t. Cutting can distract you from life, but it can also take life away. Can Lauren get back home, or has it all been taken away from her?

Tag list: @kai-unknown​ 

Warnings: Mentions of blood, cutting, medical stuff, ???

Length: 1,600 words

Thank you to everyone who has waited forever for this chapter. I suck at getting posts out and I am so so so sorry. This is the finale, I hope you like it. I will hopefully be adding another Twilight story soon, and some stories from my next obsession, Hamilton. As always, I am open to requests, and if you would like to be tagged in anything, let me know! Enjoy!

“Lauren, you’re awake!”

“You’re here!

“Brown bear, you’re okay!”

“Princess, you came home.”

“It’ll all be okay.”

“You’re okay and that’s all that matters.”

Looking around the room, everyone was overjoyed that I was awake, but ten voices were all talking at once, making it very hard to concentrate. I wished everyone would shut up. My head hurt and the room was currently spinning.

“Guys, be quiet,” Edward said sharply, cutting everyone off. “Lauren’s having a hard time concentrating with us all talking at once. Let’s calm down and give her a chance to breathe.”

A chorus of soft sorry’s floated around the room. Slowly, the headache dulled and the room stopped spinning. I was having a difficult time breathing as well, but there was a mask on my face helping me get oxygen into my lungs.

Once I was able to collect myself, I looked around the room to my family. Everyone looked so happy to see me awake, but also looked anxious. Almost like they expected me to stop breathing all of the sudden and die. I heard Edward snickering by the foot of my bed and looked to him just in time to see Bella smack his arm. I looked over to the left of my bed, in between Jasper and Alice, and Edward and Bella, is Esme and Carlisle.

“Mom, Dad,” I whimpered.

“Oh, Lauren!” Esme sobbed. “It’ll all be okay. I promise. Everything will be fine.”

“Lauren, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to talk,” Carlisle said. “I know it’s hard to talk with a breathing mask on. Let me explain what happened to you.” I shook my head slowly, so as not to give myself another headache. “You lost a lot of blood, and your body went into Hypovolemic shock. That’s why you are having such a hard time breathing and why you’re nauseous and have a headache. Although, the concussion you got from hitting your head on the side of the bathtub when you lost consciousness isn’t helping matters either. You have some stitches in your legs along the worse cuts as well.”

Memories of everything that had happened, the texts, the razor, the darkness, my parents, the memories, all of it came flooding back. I looked over to Jasper, and tried to squeeze his hand, but I could barely move my fingers. Luckily, he felt that little bit of motion and gave my hand a small squeeze in return.

“You saved me.” I whispered.

“What do you mean, Lauren?” Edward, can you explain? I thought. I was too tired to try and explain what had happened.

“Oh, sure Lauren. Jasper, you’re the reason Lauren woke up. When you kissed her, it gave her the strength to wake up. Without you, she wouldn’t be conscious right now.”

“Oh.” Jasper was at a loss for words. This was a first.

“Also,” Edward spoke, reading my thoughts and voicing them for me. “Lauren said that she knew her gift could make you cry.”

Jasper chuckled softly at that. “Yeah, you always know how to mess with my emotions.”

I gave him a small smile and closed my eyes. I was tired. Even though I had just woken up, a nap sounded amazing. But then again…..

“How....how long…” I croaked out.

“How long have you been out?” Edward said aloud for me. “You’ve been out for a week, but that’s not entirely your fault. You had an emergency surgery when you got here to repair your cut vein, and they’ve kept you in a medically induced coma until about 2 days ago, because you didn’t have enough blood in your body.”

A week? I’ve been out a week? What day was it?

“It’s April 29, Lauren,” Edward said in answer to my unsaid question. The 29th? That meant it was….

“Happy birthday,” Everyone said softly.

“It’s a birthday miracle,” Alice said. I wanted to talk myself and get Edward out of my head, so I began to take off my air mask.

“Lauren, please leave it on,” Carlisle said, stepping forward to keep me from taking the mask off. “You need all the help you can get.”

“I want to talk,” I groaned through the mask. “If I…” I took a slow, deep breath in. “If I can’t breathe, I’ll put it back on.” Carlisle reluctantly pulled his hand away and let me remove the mask.

“I’m really sorry,” I said in a small voice. Most people wouldn’t have been able to hear me, but luckily, my family was made of a bunch of vampires, a werewolf, and a hybrid vampire, who all had super hearing. I spoke slowly, trying to keep enough air in my body so that I wouldn’t pass out again. “I shouldn’t have done that. I just….I can’t deal with Maggie anymore. Ever since you all graduated, she’s gotten worse. Even with Renesmee there.” I started to cry. I knew it would only make my headache and dehydration worse, but I couldn’t help it. I’d been dealing with Maggie for a year without anyone’s help. Even with my vampire siblings and werewolf friends, I managed to hide it for the most part. Even if they knew, they still let me keep my privacy. 

“Oh Lauren,” Rosalie said. “You don’t have to be sorry. We should’ve been there to help. We’ve known about Maggie the whole time, but we figured that if it was truly bothering you, you would’ve come to us to help you.”

“I just wanted to show that I could do something myself. That I didn’t need my siblings to come and save me. To prove that I wasn’t weak,” I sighed. As the little Cullen, my siblings would always be there, no matter what. Throughout my life, I was constantly teased about always having my siblings come to save the day. I had hoped that getting Maggie off of my back, I would be able to prove that I wouldn’t always need my siblings to fix everything, but I guess I was wrong.

“Lauren, don’t think like that. You have done a billion things without us. Mom and Dad have been worried that you don’t need them anymore for the past two years. You’ve taught yourself how to do almost everything you do. The junior math class you’re taking, you did that all on your own. You’re just that smart, and we only help you when you ask for it. You taught yourself how to dance. Even Jasper can’t dance like that and he’s the best.”

“Edward’s right.” Jasper said. I giggled lightly, but quickly stopped since it made my head hurt.

“I guess you’re right,” I admitted. 

“I am right,” Edward said. “Ever since you were two, you refused help. I swear, you potty trained yourself. And as for cleaning up messes, if anything, you clean up our messes. You can easily lie and keep our secret from everyone else. You can see from the eyes of every other kid, and when we do something suspicious, you tell us how to make it look normal. You clean up our messes, not the other way around.”I gave my siblings a big grin. 

“You do mess up a lot.” Everyone laughed at that. It was getting hard to breathe again, so I put the mask back on my face. Can I take a nap? I thought to Edward. 

“Yes Lauren, you can take a nap.”

“I’ll go tell the nurses that you woke up and see if I can get you a nose cannula instead of the one you have,” Carlisle said before he walked out of the room. Not a second after he was gone, I fell fast asleep, a wave of calm hitting me like a brick. Thanks Jasper.

One week later, I was out of there. I could walk by myself, although it was rather slowly, I had my stitches out, I could go to the bathroom by myself, and I could keep my food down, for the most part. I had probably been in the hospital longer than I needed to be, but my father was my doctor, and a very overprotective one at that. The moment I was discharged, Emmett scooped me up and carried me out to the car. 

“You know I can walk, right?”

“Yes, but you move slower than a turtle. If you were walking, it would take us years to get out of there.” Using my arm that was wrapped around his shoulders, I smacked him in the back of the head, rolling my eyes and grinning at him. 

“Hey, that hurt,” he whined. 

“Good”

Emmett set me in the back seat, letting me stretch out, while he climbed into the driver's seat and Rosalie sat in the passenger's seat. Everyone else seemed to have already left. 

“Where’s mom and dad? And everyone else?” I asked. 

“They’re at home already,” Rosalie said, almost as if she was hiding something. 

“Why?”

“It’s a surprise,” Emmett said, grinning at me through the rear view mirror. 

The whole way home I tried to convince them to tell me what the supprime was, but they wouldn’t budge. Eventually, I just gave up and spent the rest of the trip in silence. 

As we pulled into the driveway, I saw that there were strands of lights on all the trees lining the way to the house. Standing on the porch, with two huge “Welcome Home” and “Happy Birthday” signs, was my family. Emmett parked the car and came to help me out. 

As I got out, I realized that it wasn’t just my siblings, but everyone. Tanya, Kate, Garrett, Eleazer, Camren, Benjamin, Tia, Zafrina, Senna, Sue, Charlie, Billy, the entire pack, my siblings, my parents, everyone. They were all here, not only to celebrate my birthday, but to show just how much they cared for me. And I knew, from that day on, I would always be there for them, no matter what came my way. I would always hold onto the memories, the memories of love.

[joshslater]

The Reformatory

A rewrite of jd07201990′s swimmer story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

T -1

Dear diary or however you are supposed to start.

So tomorrow is the big day. Dad and I are sleeping at a Holiday Inn at the other side of the state. Well, I'm obviously not sleeping. How could I? So I thought I should start a journal of some sort to document this experience.

Some background. Two months ago I was in a fight with Mark Samberg on the football team. It had gotten pretty bad between the football schmucks and us swimmers. The jockheads were constantly harassing us, calling us fags and prissy boys. It happened often and was getting boring. As the captain of the swim team I asked Mark to knock it off and get his players in line. Idiot as he is he tried to knock me out instead, and I lost it. In our scramble I managed to knock him down and was about to kick him in the shin when he shifted and instead I connected with his knee. Apparently it fractured. He'll be able to walk and even run, but he'll not be able to play again for years, so he lost his Scholarship.

His family sued everyone they could. Me, the school, the swim coach. In the end all the lawyers sat down in a room with a local judge and came up with something they all could agree to. Mark gets some study assistance to get his grades up, the school had this quickly brushed under the carpet, and could pretend I was never student there. Me not graduating wasn’t really a blow, as my college fund now went to pay for Mark’s education, as compensation. They were rich enough to afford it anyway, but they wanted to see punishment. I get the honor to spend the next 180 days at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where I will "participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs". They can tack on some extra days for bad behavior without going back to the judge, but essentially I get 6 months at bad boy camp for standing up to bullies.

What will I do there? No idea. The website talks a lot about work ethics and responsibility and working together with the local community. Sounds like labor camp to me. I'll guess we'll know tomorrow. But first we have to visit the hospital for a check up. My first day in prison will mostly not be in prison!

Day 1, Monday

We started with a checkup at the hospital, and man did they do a thorough job. Our appointment was at 10, but before that I had to fill out a form with 100 questions. The doctor spent more than 30 minutes doing the most extensive check I've ever had. Not only that, but after the check we had to go to the sample lab to draw blood, and finally I had a CT scan at noon. After that, and a quick lunch, we drove to the actual reformation center, which was in a smaller town 2 hours away.

It's an old boarding school building that they've turned into this "Reformation Center", and it clearly looks more like a prison than a school. Just a heap of two story brick and concrete buildings out in nowhere. Not much of security, but then everyone was there "voluntarily", meaning that we all had a proper punishment waiting for us if we left. I hugged dad goodbye and was shown to Mr. Kerwin’s office by the entrance guard.

Mr. Kerwin was a lean, ripped man in his forties that oozed military discipline. He explained that he was responsible for my rehabilitation and that he wouldn't start soft. He would give me a packed schedule, and if I didn't pull my weight he would add more days for "noncompliance". If I didn't like it I could run back to judge Stephenson and ask to start over in juvie.

Perhaps that would be better, because the schedule he showed me was totally insane.

4:30-5:00  Breakfast 5:00-8:00  Exercise pass 1 8:00-12:00 Work pass 1 12:00-12:30 Lunch 12:30-14:30 School 14:30-17:30 Work pass 2 17:30-18:00 Dinner 18:00-21:00 Exercise pass 2 21:30       Lights out

He explained that my breakfast, lunch and dinner would be pre-portioned and I was required to eat all of it. The exercise passes would be lead by himself or one of the assistants. Again, I would have to follow every instruction. The work passes were done at local businesses that wanted an extra hand, and changed depending on demand. The school passes were done as a group on whatever subject Mr. Reed selected.

Next he ordered me to get naked and place all my clothes on top of my bag and move to the other side of the room. Having done so he pointed at a stack of clothes on the table and told me to pick my size and get dressed. I quickly dressed in one of the track suits from the table. There was a baseball cap also, which confused me, but was told that it was instead of sunglasses when working outdoor.

With that I was given a rule book to study and was led by an assistant to my room where a dinner was waiting. Turkey, rice, water. I was reminded of lights out at 21:30 and wake up at 4:30. The assistant left and locked the door. 10 minutes later he came back with my journal book and pen, and told me that they'll keep the rest for now.

Having eaten the dinner and having three hours (I'm almost sure 21:30 is 9:30 PM) to kill before the lights go out I'm now summarizing the day. I'm sitting in something very similar to a prison cell. Bed, toilet, sink. Everything is clean, though somewhat worn. Looking into the mirror is kind of depressing though. I look like some jailed gang member.

It's kind of weird that I haven't met any of the other inmates, sorry students, here. I saw some of them while coming in, but perhaps this is their kind of hazing, or they do an official presentation tomorrow. Anyway, I should study the rule book and go to bed, since I didn't sleep much last night.

Day 2, Tuesday

So much to write about, so little time. I might have to split this into several entries since lights out is in 20 minutes.

I was awaken at 4:30 and given a tray with a large bowl of porridge and berries and some chalky smoothie or shake or whatever to drink. After that an assistant lead me to the gym room where we went over various machines, mainly for cardio. Elliptical, bike, treadmill. Weird thing was that it was only us two in the room during all three hours.

Sweaty and a bit tired I was then taken outside to a bus where some of the other boys where chilling. Apparently everyone else had breakfast between 7 and 8. They had no idea why I didn't join them there. The bus then drove around town and the driver announced who should exit where. My group of four people exited at a farm before town, only about 5 minutes away. I don't know exactly since I haven't been given my watch back.

There we spent hours just moving hay. Don't they know about tractors? Sweaty, itchy, tired and hungry we were then picked up and driven back. At lunch was the first time I saw the real common area. To my surprise there were more boys there than had been on the bus.

Everyone else could pick what they wanted from what was served, but I was given a ready tray with an heap of salmon and pasta. I was starving though, so it wasn't a problem to eat it all. I didn't have much time to talk, but the guys at my table were nice. Somewhat rough, as could be expected. Apparently you were chosen for the different work assignments, and if you were not picked you stayed at the center for sports or craft or similar things.

After Lunch followed a session with Mr. Reed. The first boring hour was on English grammar and the second boring hour on US geography. I aced the quizz getting all 50 states and state capitols right, so I didn't learn anything new after that. Then Mr. Reed announced who had work assignments, and I was again selected.

This time I and Troy were dropped off at a different farm where we spent almost three hours helping with fencing. Mainly carry posts and sawing them to length.

For dinner I had some meatballs with roasted sweet potatoes while everyone else had meatballs with tomato sauce. Mr. Kerwin picked me up and led me to the gym. Unlike the morning session this was all about weight training. Most of it was on finding my limits for different exercises while Mr. Kerwin pointed out how I could improve my form. You could tell that this was what he liked to do, and encouraged me to push a bit further. Once we were done I had a bottle of post workout mix of some sort and a very quick shower before rushing back to my room.

Here's the thing. My room is on a different floor than the other guys. Also, my schedule appears to be different and much more rigid than the rest of the guys. I also

Day 3, Wednesday

I couldn't finish the last entry before they cut the light. My entire body is in pain right now. I woke up like that, and it didn't go away all day. Same schedule as yesterday, but different tasks and different dishes. The assistant really pushed today during the morning session, so I was exhausted already at the bus. Planting bushes at the city park all morning didn't help. I got some rest during Reeds rehash of elementary math. Then back to doing fences, and top it all off with weight training. I asked Mr. Kerwin about the schedule and why it was so different from everyone else’s. He said that everyone's schedule is individual and that he'll adjust mine as needed.

One more weird thing before I fall to sleep. Everyone else is using their normal clothes. I haven't gotten mine back yet.

Day 4, Thursday

FUCK! I was back on moving hay today again, with Sam, Trevor and Rick. I'm still hurting like hell and Rick is one lazy motherfucker, so old fart Farmer Joe decided to complain. The end result is that I am getting 2 days added for noncompliance. Sam, Trevor and Rick got nothing. WTF!

Day 5, Friday

We were carrying merchandise all morning and Troy heckled me on how I got more days because of the piece of shit Rick. But he then said that it was a weird coincidence that every work shift I've been on has been the toughest one.

Instead of going to class I met with the doctor from the hospital who made a visit. He asked me about how I felt, where I was sore etc. Then he gave me an injection which he said would ease things for me. I didn't feel much different, but I was getting really sleepy getting back to Mr. Reeds class, but it might just be that everything he did was too simple and boring.

Apparently while I had a check up Troy had shared his theory about me being a work magnet, so there were some groans from the guys placed in my group. God damn fence work again.

Man, I'm tired. I was tired even before Mr. Kerwin gave me the toughest weight pass ever. Fuck, I'm tired.

Day 6, Saturday

So the weekend schedule is different. There is still a morning work pass, basically only used by the local farmers. But the afternoon is free both on Saturdays and Sundays. Conditions and terms applies, apparently. Since I haven't done any cleaning or dishes all week (how could I?), I'm assigned washing clothes, sheets etc. Man, how much better it is to carry laundry than hay. Best job assignment all week. Lots of downtime. Only real drawback is all the humidity. It’s steamy AF here.

Still fucking 3h workout pass in the morning and evening. The other boys were pretty vocal in mocking me on my way to the gym.

Day 7, Sunday

So the day started out as any other so far. Woke up sore. Breakfast alone and 3 hour gym session. There are no work passes outside LARC on Sundays, so I was hit with cleaning, together with Kyle G. and Rick. Rick ghosted after like three minutes, but KG did a solid work. It took us all the time til lunch though to finish it.

Then my first free couple of hours all week. It’s insane. The other guys were low key avoiding me, so I did what Mr. Kerwin had suggested and had a walk in the forest. It was actually kind of nice, and for some weird reason I didn’t feel like sitting still.

Day 8, Monday

Same shit again. Mr. Kerwin gave me a shot in the arm this evening. Apparently I’ll have one each Monday from now on. Whatever.

Also I found out today that the others don’t have formal lights out. I’m on my own floor so they can lock me up and cut the power. What the fuck?

Day 9, Tuesday

That fucker Rick slacked off again, taunting me about another two days. Ha! I got 10. Mostly for kicking him in the teeth. They locked me in my room, so I had lunch there and sat in this boring ass cell during class and work. Fuck, I don’t know what’s worse. I had to do some body weight exercises to keep sane. Fuck this shit.

Back again. I still got to have my evening workout. Kerwin was pushing harder than ever. The order of exercises was different too. Apparently to make the major muscles tired so smaller muscle groups then get to work. Or something. I don’t give a shit.

Day 11, Thursday

They fucking work now, don’t they the little shits. They know I ruined someones career to get here and another one for slacking off. They better pull there weight

Day 14, Sunday

I think I’ll stick to just write on Sundays. There is only half an hour from evening gym to lights out, so there isn’t much time for writing. I’ve even skipped shower a few times. It’s not like it matters when you start every fucking day getting soaked with cardio. Not like there are any girls around to impress either. Sunday has a different vibe tho. Cleaning, running in the forest and taking a long shower.

Starts and ends with fucking gym time though.

Day 21, Sunday

I really fucking like the forest runs. Its like you don’t have to think and can just run wherever and grab whatever and smash whatever. Fucking love it

Day 28, Sunday

Yay! A full fucking month!

It’s crazy though how much stronger I’m. I have gone up one size larger track suite and 2 sizes larger sneakers. Working hard to make me the best I guess.

Day 42, Sunday

guess i forgot about writing last week. i think the monday shots make me angry or something because last week fucked up someone else on tuesday. at least they all give me fucking respect at least.

Day 92, Monday

i dont give a shit abot reeds borin ass lessons and they fuckin repeat on a loop or some shit. today he was back on gramr and the states. i most time dont fill out his shit but wanted to do it again today. fucking aced most of the states. not so good on the capitols tho

Day 203, Sunday

only 2 weeks left tomorrow lol then im gonna yeet the fuck outta here !!!! adios motherfuckas

Mr. Kerwin enters the room, carrying a folder, and walks behind his desk, not even looking at me. I am sitting in his precious fucking antique chair I pulled from the corner. He’s sitting his ass down, rifles through the papers in the folder and starts to read from one of them.

“John Hamlin agrees to 180 days of rehabilitation training at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where he will participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs, with a possible extension of 30 days for noncompliance and a possible extension of 60 days for infractions as described by the Juvenile Rehabilitation Act (JuRA), section 1103 (b).”

He looks up at me. It sounded like easy shit when I said yes to it. I thought half a year in a bad boy summer camp, or worst case something like prison, but that would have been miles better than this fucking non-stop hard labor shit. And 180 days was a fucking joke. They never fucking intended that to be the actual time. Have someone else slack off and the slap another 2 days to the time. Kick a chair to pieces, 5 days. Punch a guy for being a cunt, 10 days. I’m close to having another fucking outburst again. It must be all that fucking shit they put in the food or shakes or whatever. I fight it. I don’t want to show any emotion in front of him. I don’t think he buys my shit.

“There is another document in the agreement that you haven’t heard. This one between Mark and judge Andrews.”

He pulls out another paper from the folder and read it.

“The state hereby directs Mark Samberg, or person(s) by him so designated, to design and oversee the rehabilitation program of John Hamlin to be administrated at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center. This includes physical exercises, physical therapy, education, consoling, dietary plan and medication, as long as it fulfills the positive development criteria (Appendix D), is within the available services at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center (Appendix A) and within the given budget (Appendix C). Additional services require external financing and approval from the Reformation Center management (Appendix B).”

That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why the hell had the judge put Mark in charge of my schedule? I understand why he’d want to make the experience suck as much as fucking possible for me, by why had everyone agreed to it? Kerwin looks at me as if he can read an open book.

“You are wondering what has happened to you. What was the meaning of all this? Stand up.”

I jump to my feet. There are still weeks he can add to my time here, and I don’t want to give him any fucking reason to add some shit.

“Stand with your feet as close together as you can.”

He’s never asked me to do that before. I can easily tap me feet together, but I can’t really stand still with my feet right next to each other for long. What the fuck is this bullshit? My thighs are too massive for that.

“Sit down again.”

He leans back and watches me with a bemused smirk.

“Imagine that you’d been away from swimming half a year. Even if you kept in shape it would take you months to be back in good enough technique to clear the swim team tryouts. But you have not kept in shape, have you? You have a completely new shape.”

The blood is draining from my face. I understand where this is going.

“With your upper body build you can physically really only do butterfly strokes properly, but if you can’t bring your feet together the leg kick will just be a wild thrashing of water. You swimming medley would be a hilarious joke. We haven’t even talked about you almost doubling in weight, and how much more oxygen you would need to swim. Sure, you are much stronger now, but old you would swim circles around new you. And that is of course the point. If Mark couldn’t have his sports career, he didn’t want you to have yours either. And the judge agreed.”

I’m surprised that the chair doesn’t break, as hard as I’m squeezing it. I’m boiling with fucking rage. I have to really focus to not to act on it.

“Now the judge specifically set out that this transformation couldn’t be punishment in itself, but rather that you were trained in a way that just wasn’t optimal for swimming. We may have gone a bit overboard with the body building to leave you many options though. You’ll obviously never be competitive in anything with speed or agility, like football or boxing. The metabolic conditioning, hormone treatment and gene therapy have far to long lasting effects to change you back from where you are now. You could try wrestling or weight lifting though, unless you mind showing your erection through spandex.”

“What the fuck?”, I said, as much as a general question to all the things he’d said. What does metabolic conditioning mean? Gene therapy? Erections?

“The medical regimen that Marks family found for you kind of put the feet on both the gas and the break at the same time. It forces the body to grow a lot at the same time as we try to stop it, so it has to try even harder. By injecting stem cells with the right CRISPR-modified DNA we could get rapid, major and long lasting changes. Well, I say we, but all I did was to make sure you kept to the exercise regimen, for a little cash on the side… Surely you didn’t think you got larger feet and dick from eating much and working hard?”

I don’t understand exactly what they done to me, but the result is pretty fucking clear. There was no way I would swim competitively ever again, if I could even fucking swim at all now. I would come out of here looking like a fucking balloon animal muscle jock, and shedding the muscles back to where I were would take shitloads of years.

“The hormone treatment finished two weeks ago and last blood sample shows that your natural hormone levels will keep you muscled and pumped probably well into your forties. So this morning I also cut you off from all suppressive medication as well. That is going to spike your hormone levels and mess quite a bit with you, so we need to see just how badly fucked up you are before we can release you.”

“The good doctor say that you’ll be more irritable and have more excess energy than before. Both something you can work on with regular, hard exercise. But I want to see where you really are at now, so starting today you’ll have no required gym time and labor passes. You can wake up when you want, eat what you want and do what you want.”

“You said erections?”, I asked.

“Yeah, the suppression medication should have kept you limp. You haven’t jacked off while here, have you? Well, you heard what I said about gas and break and compensation. Your body has been pumping massive amounts of hormones into your blood, and will continue to do so. But now that you don’t have the suppressives anymore you should expect to be horny for the next decade or two. You’ll be nothing but a lumbering muscle dildo.”

There’s a crack somewhere inside the wood of the armrest. Fucking fourteen more days, I have to remind myself. Don’t fuck any shit up before then. If I let go of the chair I’m quite positive I will knock him the fuck out. Fourteen fucking more shit days.

[yuna-dan]

Comfort Drink

It’s been ages since I’ve written something for this fandom but I was super thrilled when I got this comission, it’s also my very fist comission!!! 

It got longer than the stablished “1550″ words, so I hope you don’t mind?

Thank @thealphabetmurders​ for this comission! And I hope you like it as much as I enjoy writting this.

--

Warning: Mention of violence. Swearing. Kinda Katara bashing but not on purpose, she’s doing her best.

Summary: Five Times Zuko went to a coffeeshop and didn't drink anything and one time he did."What are you doing here?” He asked, only to rethink his words, “Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, spirits, it’s been…” “Five years.” Zuko ended the sentence for him

 if you wanna be added to the tag list please interact with this

Buy me a kofi?  | Masterpost |  Comission Info

--

1. 

“Sorry we’re closed.” Sokka said, without even looking at the person, closing the door with his keys. He wanted nothing more than to take a shower, get the coffee beans out of his apron and stayed up all night watching Netflix.

The man hasn’t moved, so Sokka guessed it was either a junkie, a jerk or someone homeless. He gasped in surprised when he turned around only to see him there.

Zuko was staring at him, his mismatched eyes seeing everything but his face, “Hi.”

Sokka cleaned his throat, “What are you doing here?” He asked, only to rethink his words, “Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, spirits, it’s been…”

“Five years.” Zuko ended the sentence for him.

Sokka felt as if the air on his lungs was airbended out of them, five years since they graduated highschool, five years since he had seen the possible love of his life Zuko, and now they were here, outside his shitty job wearing a grey suit and his hair now was long.

He had so many things to say, but in the end he just said.

“Neat.”

Zuko chuckled and look away. For a moment he thought he was making a fool of himself, but then again, this was Zuko, his highschool sweetheart.

“It was nice seeing you again, Sokka.” He finally said, and bowed, the motherfucker had the audacity to bowed when they’ve known what their mouths taste like.

Then he left, leaving Sokka was once again with a lot of questions on the tip of his tongue.

Later, much later when he was texting Katara he brought it up.

What do you mean you see him?

Even on text he could read how mad his sister was, he texted with only one hand as he brushed his teeth with the other.

I was closing the coffeshop and he bumped into me, I think it was just coincidence.

He snorted when he saw his little sister’s response

It better be

Sokka hoped it wasn’t, but then again, life didn’t work like he wanted to.

2.

It wasn’t coincidence, or at least twice in the same month would be a very slim coincidence, but here was, the ex-heir of Ozai’s fortune standing in the line, wearing his peasant clothes.

He wanted to ask, what are you doing here? But it came out as a “Welcome to the White Lotus, what can I get for you, Zuko?

Zuko was nervous, at first glance it wasn’t obvious, but Sokka knew this guy, he noticed small things like the way his marred cheek was twitching or the way his left hand was doing small circles.

“It’s good I get here before you close…” Sokka smiled, because goddammit, Zuko was terrible at small talks but he was trying.

“Well, more coffee shops close after 10 p.m.” He replied, leaning against the counter. He was very glad today wasn’t so busy, “but tell me Jerkbender, what can I get for you?”

“A jasmine tea.”

And of course, Sokka already knew this, Zuko continuously expressed his hatred toward tea but Uncle Iroh had rubbed into him. Whenever Zuko was sad or missing home, his comfort drink was jasmine tea.

The nonbender bit his tongue, are you okay? he wanted to say, but it came out as a “Coming right out you, Zuko.”

Sokka entertain himself making the tea, and when he called Zuko’s name, nobody came.

It wasn’t the first time Zuko left unfinished something, and this time, it didn’t hurt that much.

He drank the tea, and the moist on his eyes was due to the steam, and nothing else.

That night he crashed into Toph and Suki apartment, because he missed his friends, not because he felt lonely. He decided on not telling the rest of the gaang he’s seen Zuko, but for some reason he guessed Toph already knew.

3.

The next time it happened, Sokka wasn’t even there.

It was Katara who told him what happened, with her smug face as if she was proud on what she did. Aang kept eyeing him, ready to break the possible fight.

So, according to his sister in went like this:

Zuko was sitting on a table, alone minding his own business when Katara went, and scared the shit out of him, “You have to order something for you to sit here.”

Aang later told Sokka that Zuko’s face was for a second of happiness, and then it turned out into a mixture of pout and sadness, “Katara, it’s good seeing you here.”

Katara narrated how she screamed at him, “I don’t want to see your pathetic face here, why you don’t run with your father?”

That’s when Sokka interrupted his sister, “You told him what?”

“To go back with his father.”

Which was low, because yes, what Zuko did in highschool was rude but that was a low blow, “You told the guy who’s dad burned his face, who spent a long time waiting for his approval and practically ruined his life to do what?”

Katara did look ashamed for a split second, but retorted anyways, “He abandoned you without an explanation.”

And of course Sokka knew, he was the one who spent almost three months laying on his bed wondering why he wasn’t enough for Zuko, why his boyfriend left him without even breaking up. “And? That’s my fight, Katara, not yours!”

She frowned, “He is not even here and no we’re fighting because of him.”

Sokka hit the table with his palms, out of frustration more than anger, “No Katara, we’re fighting because you shouldn’t fight my battles that took place over five years ago, because no matter how angry or mad you are, you never attack a person on battle wounds.”

He left in the middle of his shift and went directly to his apartment. He logically knew that Katara meant well, but it was all over the situation where she took a role that wasn’t hers.

It wasn’t until he came out of a hot steaming shower and grabbed his phone that he realized some things. He owned Yue a shift, since she covered his after he stormed out fuming.

And that he had three missed calls from Toph.

Without even thinking he dialed her number, hoping it was just her dramatic ways and not something important. For some reason he didn’t understand, it was always Toph the one who break bad news to him, so his reasons to be nervous were on point.

He heard three beeps on the other side of the line before the earthbender picked up her phone, and without missing a beat she said, “I was the one who told Zuko where you work, he needs to tell you something.”

So, her dramatic ways, apparently.

It took him a moment to understand what was happening, “What?”

He heard how Toph coughed on the other side, he guessed either Aang or Suki was with her forcing her to come out clean, “Yeah, I-Huh,” she cleaned her throat, “We’ve been talking for a couple of months, and he said he wanted to tell you what really happened five years ago, so I told him to man up and to do it.”

“Why?”

“Cuz you’re both assholes who have been suffering for five years?”

“No, I mean…” He laid on his bed, the wet towel still on his hair, “Why are you still talking to him?”

“He’s still my friend, and y’know, us rich disinherit kids stick with each other.” Sokka knew that for Toph, it still hurt how much their parents overprotection lingered on her, so he understood. Not in a direct way, of course not, but in a I was there when everything happened and I’m your friend way

“Oh.”

“Yeah, he’s still an idiot when it comes to communication though.”

“Yeah, he is.”

4.

Sokka definitely didn’t went to Zuko’s Instagram and Facebook, he was smarter than that.

Except he was smart, but he was still a man who loved gossip, so putting aside his mental health he purposely went to Zuko’s pages. He found four main important things.

A. Uncle Iroh was still around, and god did Sokka’s heart relaxed at that. That man was pure gold. Iroh posted a photo of himself and Zuko a month ago. They were both smiling, Iroh broadly as always and Zuko with a shy but genuine smile. Behind them there was a small house. B. There were photos (two of them) of a small child and a woman who looked like Azula, but older. C. He was still in contact with Mai and Ty Lee, which wasn’t relevant to be honest. D. He didn’t seem to have any relationship, and for some reason his heart did a small flip at that.

He was lost on his thoughts when he noticed his gloomy ex sitting on the sidewalk in front of the shop. Katara would say that what he did next was without thinking, but they were mad at each other right now, so her opinion didn’t count.

So he flipped the “Open/Close” sign and went to sit next to him.

“Gathering courage?” He asked as he sat down, grabbing his phone to pretend he was busy.

He heard the firebender laughing, “Kinda. You see, five years ago I made a mistake and I’ve been trying to talk to him, but apparently I’m still as socially awkward as I was five years ago…”

“You hair got longer.”

Zuko snorted, “I’m sorry, for real.”

Sokka wanted to say something but it got lost when he decided to kiss Zuko right there.

5.

Sokka decided that Zuko wasn’t ready to tell him everything, just the my mom wasn’t really death and when she came back Ozai tried to kill her, so we had to run away was enough for Sokka to stop and rethink everything. Even Katara, was ashamed when Zuko told them (again, not all the story).

Zuko was sitting on a small couch inside the coffeeshop, once again without ordering something, “You need to order something in order to sit here.” Sokka said, as a joke when his shift was over.

“Ozai died last year.” Zuko said instead and that took Sokka by surprise.

“That’s rough, buddy.” He found himself saying, and for some reason it was okay.

+1

Zuko was sitting on a chair near the counter, reading an essay on economics for his class. Sokka dropped a soft kiss on his hair, “Zuko I have a question for you.”

“Mmm?”

“You never order a thing, why?”

Zuko look up and stared into his eyes, “I don’t like giving you orders.”

Sokka burst into laughter, and decided to buy his boyfriend a jasmine tea, after all it was Zuko’s comfort drink.

---

Thank you so much for reading, yes I finished writing and editing this at 3:30 am, so points for effort, i guess? I won’t tag anyone but Roz cuz this is not my main fandom (for now) so I won’t spam y’all.

Thanks again for comissioning me!

[kpurereactions]

Love Shot

CHAPTER 1

A/N: Hello lovelies, Ive been working on this piece for quite a while now and im finally ready to post it. This was inspired by one of my favorite fics of all time, Good Girl, but given my own little twist. I hope you all love Love Shot as much as I do.

Pairing: Exo x Reader

Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff

WARNINGS: Language, Eventual Violence, Lots of Smut Later on

Chapter | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

I let a smile touch my lips before taking a deep breath in, nodding once at the crisp evening air before turning to lock the door of my new combined studio and apartment. It was the first day where fall really felt like fall. The scent of rain lingered under the dense clouds and the sun was already halfway gone.  I had moved back to Seoul only three months ago after being gone for only a little under a year. I had originally came to Seoul to get my masters in painting and painting theory,  though I quickly gained enough local fame and connections that no one could quite understand why I left. So I came back.

I stood on the side of the road, my arm outstretched as I wait for a cab. My closest friend from school in the city was opening his gallery tonight and from the posts on my snapchat I could tell a lot of old classmates were already there. Song Mino was the first friend I made when I first moved here. He was talented and refused to fit into the art box the professor tried to force all his students into, as if art should be something someone else tells you to do. It should be your own thing. We had that in common. My style is simplistic. Aesthetic. Easy to look at, but the more you look the more you see behind the top layer. We both strived to challenge the viewer, and because of that we grew really close in our attempt to stick it to the man.

The first show is always the biggest event of an artist's career, and knowing I was seconds away from Mino’s brought another smile to my face as excitement seemed to run through my toes. I couldn't believe how hard he had been working, despite him refusing to let me see anything he had made to showcase.

The gallery itself was breathtaking, I couldn't help but note the obviously more ‘manly’ stain he had chosen for the wooden columns that broke the continuous glass of the front of the gallery. I was the one who helped him make his mind up. I took it in as it was its own work of art before I even walked up the short staircase to the front doors. The tall white walls were similar to my own space, but his had matching wooden floors and walls that were scattered around the room that broke your vision from seeing everything at once. I gave myself another smile as I noticed familiar faces of old classmates and Professors.

It didn't surprise me when I first walked in that I was being asked about the past year and how I’ve been. I was hard to miss, not just because I stood taller than a majority of the women in the room. The constant questioning reminded me why I chose to fail at reaching out when I got back. I made a point to keep trying to catch eye contact with Mino, who only seemed to mask the chuckle from escaping his lips, choosing to leave me to struggle with the boring repetition of the conversations I was having. I finally found the opportunity to excuse myself and all but power walk over to Mino, pretending not to see anyone else I recognized.

“American style!” He said excitedly, pulling me into a hug.

“Don't you ever leave me to the wolves like that again” I whispered in his ear before pulling back. “Mino this is awesome, I’ve only seen a few pieces but im so proud of you!” I said covering up my mild threat before hugging him tightly again. He chuckled with bright eyes before giving my arms a squeeze.  His eyes widened as he remembered the man standing next to him.

“Y/n, this is Junmyeon. He is a curator who graduated a few years before us. I've been telling him about your work.” He said as my attention moved to the slick haired man.

“You were talking about me at your own opening?” I said reaching for his hand to shake it.

“I actually asked specifically about you.” Junmyeon said with a soft smile that slowly grew.

“Oh, wow.” I tried to get out past the sound of my heart fluttering at his radiant smile. “Its very nice to meet you then.”

I was informed that Junmyeon was planning on stopping by my studio in the next few days, which brought on a new wave a nerves I've never experienced before. It wasn't until Mino placed his hand on my back to excuse the two of us could I finally breathe.

“Jesus, why is he so intimidating?” I said looking back over my shoulder as he dipped his chin to take a sip of his drink.

“If you think he’s intimidating your crazy” Mino said, leading me over to the first piece he wanted to show me.

“Did he asked to buy any of your work?” I asked before he could change the topic.

“All of it.” Mino said with a big smile.

“All of it?!”

“Yes. He’ll probably buy a lot of your stuff too. It’s more his style anyways.”

“Oh my god.” I said shaking my head.

I let Mino take control of the conversation as he began to explain the clay molded figure in front of us. I spent the rest of my time there following Mino around, while sipping on my wine and listening to him talk. Even though, as much as I was paying attention, it was hard to get your mind off of Junmyeon.

“Promise me you wont sell this one. I know you promised everything but see if this one could be an exception. I want to buy it.” I said pointing at a tall, organic figure of a woman. The memory of when Mino had made it flooded back as it was my first time to ever pose for another artist.

“Ill ask.” he said smiling before taking my hand and leading me to the next piece.

I tried to stay as late as I could. Mino was off somewhere talking art leaving me once again to be interrogated by my former classmates who all seemed to be very smug about the fact that I had yet to have an opening. It didn't matter what valid excuse I would give, they only cared that it hasn't happened yet. Thankfully I must have looked as uncomfortable as I felt since a hand wrapped around my arm to pull me back. I was just about to thank Mino for coming back and saving me when I turned to face Junmyeon.

“You didn't look too excited about that.” He said looking back over to the three girls who were all staring with confused and almost jealous looks in their eyes.

“Good to know it was obvious.” I said taking a sip of wine. Just as I was about to say something else Mino walked up.

“I think I'm going to head out. I have a pick up early in the morning.” I said, trying not to make it sound like I was at my ropes end with the girls who had added whispering to their staring. I smiled and quickly kissed Mino’s cheek softly before turning to Junmyeon and shaking his hand again, trying to do so without having to hear a protest from Mino.

The air outside sobered me up a little, and because of how nice it was outside I couldn't help but smile and start to walk down the sidewalk. Mino’s studio wasn't that far from mine, just a few blocks down and a horseshoe turn away, so I placed my hands in my coat pocket and began to walk. I let my eyes wander from the fashion that was passing me to the way the lights reflected off the puddles left from the rain that morning. Just as I was really starting to enjoy my walk the sky opened again, soft raindrops falling from the sky.

I sighed, of course this would happen. Clocking where I was I dipped into an alley, deciding the fastest way to get out of the rain in my heels would be to cut through the alleyways. Usually this idea was fine. I would maybe run into one or two strangers, but they were usually restaurant owners who were taking the trash out or sweeping their areas so the sound of voices deeper in the alley didn't really bother me.

“Kai come on! Oh my god no.” I heard a man laugh deeper into the darkness of the alley. But as I got closer to my studios back door I realized the figure I could hardly make out at first were men. Multiple men. Usually this wouldn't bother me but as I got closer the feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach started to deepen and deepen.

I took a deep breath when I started to pass them, my heart beating a million miles a minute while trying to keep a poker face to seem unphased so they wouldn't pay me any mind. Until they did.

“Hey wait!” I heard one of them call. I quicken my step slightly. Not to show I was scared, but just incase. “Wait, where are you going? I’ll walk you home.”

I looked up to see a half lit face walking backwards in front of me. I squinted slightly to try to get my eyes to adjust to what was under the ball cap he wore, but there was no use.

‘Shit’ I thought. I was staring too long. I looked away and quickened my step again.

“Oh come on! At least tell me your name!” He shouted after he stopped, his voice now behind me.

I was able to breathe again once my key was in my door, officially sure he stopped following me. But still the shape of the man's mouth was enough to stay in my brain as I flicked the lights to my gallery on and made my way upstairs to my bed.

___

“Mino I swear they were so scary.” I said pushing my denim painting shirt up past my elbows before wrapping my hands around the coffee cup that sat in front of me.

“I just don't understand why you didnt call a cab when you left.” He said sitting back in his chair, obviously taking it out on himself for not seeing me off safely.

“I just wanted to walk. I didn't plan on going through the alley.” I grumbled. I hated when Mino tried to school me. He was only a few months older than I was, and although I knew here it meant something different, he also knew that where I’m from it didn't.

“Do you at least remember what they looked like?” He asked, noticing my mood change.

“Um.. kind of. There were like five or six of them, but I only got a good look at one of them. He was a little taller than you, pillow lips… he was wearing a hat so I really didn't get a good look at his eyes. But he had to have been an athlete of some sort.” I said, my words getting quieter as I realized I would have had nothing to go off of if something bad had happened.

The coffee date ended with Mino once again scolding me, which I knew I deserved, but there was only so much I could take without pouting all the way home. I couldn't help thinking about the man in the hat. Why he was there in the alley with his friends. Why did he follow me, but then give up so easily? It's not like his friends were calling him back. If he was going to bother me in the first place, why give up? The more I thought about what had happened the more I worked myself up. They probably saw me unlock my door. What if they showed up in my studio? What if they came back with more people?

I half thought about texting Mino, but knew there was no point. He would be more worried about it than I was and he had better things to do then baby sit me in my own home. So instead, the moment I got inside I turned my windows down, making sure no one could see inside my studio incase they were passing to see if I was there. It was weird, though, this new set fear was enough to put me into overdrive. My inspiration hit me in my face and I couldn't pull a fresh canvas out fast enough to get the blurred images of last night down.

———

Music played loudly as I was lost in my own world. A galaxy of light and dark colors swirled and blended into one another across my canvas creating the confusing, but exciting pattern that seemed to get better with every stroke.

I was pulled out of my own head when the sound of someone's voice yelling over the music made me look up. I smiled to see Junmyeon and two other men trailing him into the room.

“Oh! One second please!” I said trying to press pause with the clean part of my palm. “Sorry, I didn't realize how loud that had gotten.” I said wiping my hand on my shirt before shaking Junmyeons hand.

“Its fine, good to see your working so hard because I brought with me two potential buyers.” He said gesturing to the two men on his left. “This is Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongin.” He said.

I smiled shaking Baekhyun's hand, but the moment I met Jongin's eyes I felt my body stiffened slightly. He was familiar. Almost to familiar. I forced the feeling to be shaken off though, there was no reason why he would have possibly been brought into my studio if he had been hiding out in the alleyway behind the building the night before. Or at least I had hoped. But there was something about the way he smiled at me that made me feel like he knew it too. That he had seen me the night prior too.

I tried hard not to think about it. If Junmyeon was there, I was safe and if he was the man he probably wouldn't try to do anything with two other people there to witness. I turned my attention back to Junmyeon who asked if he could look through my paintings.

“Oh of course. And the racks on this back wall have more in it. I rotate them so the ones that are up are only there because they have a similar theme.” I said before trying to smile as normal as possible and turning back to my easel.

My drive was gone. I was too busy focusing on Jongin, who stood there supporting his chin in his hand as he listens to Junmyeon explain why he liked a certain piece. I took this opportunity to text Mino. Now if any would be a good time to alert him.

Mino, I think the guy from last night in the hat is in my studio with Junmyeon. I don't know what to do.

“Y/n, were looking to fill a room. Do you have any others with these same earthy tones?” Junmyeon said, pulling my attention away from my phone.

“Oh, yes. There over here.” I said smiling, slipping my phone into my back pocket before leading the men over to the opposite wall. I walked them through my color schemes, explaining to them the way I had everything organized just incase they changed their mind on a color or style they wanted. I was surprised Junmyeon and Baekhyun were able to distract me from the thoughts swirling in my head for the rest of the time they were there, but it helped that Jongin stayed behind us, obviously not trying to chime in.

“Y/n, thank you once again for taking us in on such short notice. We will take the one on the wall and the two that have been stored if they are not already spoken for.”  

“Of course, Ill wrap them for you so they’re ready to be taken.” I said turning to make a mental note as to which ones it was.

“Thank you again. We will be in touch.” He said, bowing his head slightly before taking my hand in a soft, yet firm hand shake.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun said sweetly as he took my hand next.

“Good to see you again. I hope to see you in the future as well” Jongin said with a small wink before taking my hand and giving it a firm shake.

The moment his hand touched mine my heart dropped. There couldn't be a way that was really him. The moment the door closed I reached for my phone again only to see Mino hadn't responded. It didn't stop me from quickly typing out another message, though.

It was him. It had to be him. Why else would he tell me it was good to see me again before winking if it wasn't him?

I looked up to see their backs bending one by one to get into the large black vehicle they came in, and once I was sure the door to the vehicle was closed and they weren't looking I quickly walked forward and locked the door again before backing up to my easel where I desperately tried to finish my work before deciding to just give up.

I couldn't focus. Not while finishing, not while making myself dinner, and not while I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I rolled to my side and reached for my phone. 3:00am. I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed, taking my blanket with me and wrapping it tightly around my shoulders. I made your way up to the railing of my room slowly which allowed me look down onto my gallery. I wrapped the blanket closer over my shoulders before letting my elbows rest on the railing so I was more comfortably looking out the window. I smiled to myself finally feeling calm again. I loved how quiet the streets were at night. How all the colors of the lights around seemed to mix together on the rained on asphalt that laid below them.

It felt calm. But as my eyes were scanning I couldn't help but see two figures standing across the street. I squinted my eyes to try to catch a reflection of who the people were only to realize it was Jongin and Junmyeon. I stared at the two in shock as they talked across the road. They seemed to be laughing. I tried to calm myself down, telling myself they were probably just out getting drinks and just so happened to be standing across the street from my apartment. But then I remembered what the time was. I couldn't stop myself from panicking, and just as I was about to turn to hide myself, my eyes met with Jongin’s.

I didn't know it was possible for my heart to drop even further into my stomach as he gave me a devilish grin and wink. I scrambled back to my bedside table where I quickly reached for the remote that controls my space, knocking it off the table before I was able to press the button that made my windows go solid.  

Chapter 2

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[zenmister]

(1)Hey there :) I remember reading your posts religiously years ago and I am so happy to find out that you still keep posting. I am so grateful that you are doing this and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart <3. I would like to ask your advice on the following. So I've had a serious chronic illness since I was 8, I am 20 now and honestly there hasn't been a time in my life when I wasn't struggling with it. The past 6 months have been incredibly hard for me. The thing is I am supposed

...(2) to monitor my health 24/7 basically and if I slip up or if something goes wrong it results in me feeling physically terrible for the rest of the day. In that case the pain is inescapable and I honestly cannot focus on anything. Like it is incredibly difficult to get anything done when that happens because the pain is unbearable. 

...So it is one of my resolutions for 2021 (and for the rest of my life) to try and maintain better control of my condition. But it has been so incredibly hard for me recently as one little mistake can lead to a day completely ruined. It honestly gives me so much anxiety I cannot even describe it. I just feel so helpless and weak all the time. It feels to me as if it is almost impossible for me to live a normal life. 

...I am so scared of what's going to happen to me after I graduate from university. I come from not a very fortunate family (financially wise) so I will have to work extra hard to achieve a comfortable place (in terms of money) plus I would say that I'm quite ambitious by nature. 

...But the thing is, in times when I feel as I've described above (which have been quite frequent lately) all I wanna do is just lie down and wait for this mess to pass (which usually takes 3+ hours). And, you know, I just want to live a regular life, have kids, have a good career, maybe be a grandma one day. But the way things have been going recently, I'm so afraid I'm not gonna live long enough to have all of this :'(

Reply:

I am sorry for all the chronic pain. As a zen teacher, it is nice to hear that there are people who read my posts religiously. I’m glad that they have helped you over the years. Welcome back.

It sounds like you have been using mindfulness skills well to manage your pain. You have compassionately and vigilantly monitored your condition and you have found things that work to help you endure the pain and ease your suffering.

With a chronic pain condition, pain is your teacher. Unfortunately, you have been given a cruel teacher. It demands your attention and takes it whenever something is not quite right. It is a powerful teacher though, and through managing the pain you can grow spiritually and find great liberation. Liberation from a comfortable life is never so powerful.

Since you have vowed to monitor your condition 24/7 and your ultimate ambition is to be a grandmother, Take care of yourself as the grandmother you will become. Cook yourself soups and loving foods that will sustain your body. When the pain becomes overwhelming, put yourself to bed for the three hours it takes to let the pain pass.

As you lie in bed, awake or asleep, let the pain have all of your attention. In those moments there is nothing else you need to do with your time. The rest of your life falls away. The most important job you have is to be with your body. You should care for your body as both a granddaughter caring her old grandmother’s pain, and an old grandmother caring a hurting grandchild.  The quality of the attention is strong, loving, and compassionate.

Although you are literally caring for the body of the grandmother you will become, for now, imagining an external consciousness, sitting over you, observing, empathetic, compassionate, yet detached, can help you get your consciousness out of your physical body and one step removed from the pain.

The grandmother consciousness that you hope to eventually inhabit, and that you create now with your imagination, should be at peace with her pain, at peace with her life, and contented with all that she has achieved. The wise grandmother loves life and knows death. She is fearless. She pours loving energy from her heart toward the pain to soothe and heal it.

To become fearless, your work is take your attention away from your thoughts and focus on your breathing. Try not to hold any tension anywhere in your body. Anywhere you feel any tension, only relax. That relaxation shuts off the fear, which shuts off the thoughts.

For people without chronic pain there are not forced practice periods. They don’t think they need to be so mindful and attentive to their bodies, but you don’t have that luxury. Since you have to practice, practice well. When you practice well none of your days are wasted, all of your time is spent perfectly.

Take care of yourself and your future self. Use your pain to end your suffering one compassionate moment at a time. In any moment, you can pop your thought bubble and bring your attention to your breath, breath in pain, relax, expand, breathe out peace.

[labyrinth-runner]

Abby’s Original Stuff

Okay, so. Disclaimer. This is completely original stuff. (Currently untitled. Currently have like. 4 chaps written?) This is the first part. Its about 8000 words. Essentially the story is told through like first person and then there’s diary recaps in it because she’s keeping a journal.

Prologue, Somewhere in New England

“Alright, Class of 2018, turn those tassels!”

I couldn’t help the giant grin I felt spreading across my face as I stared out at my classmates from the podium. I had done it: I had finally finished law school. It had been a long, hard, and very expensive process, but I hadn’t given up. Inside I felt a mixture of happiness with a tinge of fear. Sure, I had just finished countless years of education to come out the other end, and I already had a new job at a law firm in New York City waiting for me to start at the end of the month, but I was also terrified. College is so easy compared to the real world. I had considerably less bills to pay while I was in school, and I didn’t have to worry about when my next meal would be since I had had a meal plan. Now, I would have to pay for the thousands upon thousands of dollars I had spent to receive my education on top of basic living expenses in New York City. That would be a problem for later, though. For now, I would celebrate with my classmates for what would be the last time until our reunion years from now where we’ll be showing off the successes we’ve had since law school.

I pushed any negative thoughts I had to the furthest reaches of my mind as I gripped my cap in my hands. I tossed my cap in the air, watching in soar towards the heavens along with my classmates’. In that moment, the sky was the limit and the world was my oyster.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes scanned around the light pink room, taking in the posters on the wall of boy bands since disbanded, the dozens of books on a bookshelf that had seen better days, the shelf of miscellaneous snow globes that had been collected from adventures over the years, finally settling on a small music box on top of a bureau. I looked down at the small blue box adorned with the word “Daughter”, rubbing my thumb across it fondly before flipping it up. My ears were greeted by the sound of “You Are My Sunshine” playing, having been wound up long ago but forgotten. I carefully pulled out a ring made up of gemstones of different colors. I slipped it onto my finger and closed my eyes. I could almost picture it being on the hand that originally wore it. It was an older, slightly wrinkled hand, but it was attached to my grandmother.

“Oh, if only you were here to see how far I’ve come,” I sighed before taking the ring back off. I gingerly placed it back into the music box, closing it and carefully placing it into a box. I closed the flaps and taped up the opening before turning back to look at the boxes strewn around my room.

I promptly decided that I was way too stressed at the moment and decided to head down to the kitchen for some good ole stress baking. It had been a week since I had graduated. I was busy packing my things into three separate piles: trash, storage, and New York bound. Looking around my childhood bedroom, I felt a pang of nostalgia as I carefully weighed the sentimental value of various items, deeming them worthy of finding a home in my tiny future apartment, worthy of making it into my future home, or worthy of the landfill. My parents had told me to sort through my things, my mother had insisted that they were going to turn my room into a guest room. However, I knew better than to take mom’s words to heart. I knew my dad would make sure that most of my things that were labeled as “storage” would end up in a room that would serve as a guest room, but would still closely resembled the room I knew and loved as a child. My dad is of the belief that every child, no matter how old, deserved to have a bedroom they could come back to when they visited home.

As I walked into the kitchen, I immediately preheated the oven to 350 degrees. I had no idea what I was going to bake yet, but that’s the magic number for most baked goods. I went around the kitchen opening and closing cabinets looking for maybe a bit of divine inspiration as to what to bake when I accidentally closed the fridge a little too hard, sending a piece of paper that had been tacked up with a magnet spiraling to the ground. I bent down to pick it up and smiled. It was a recipe for snickerdoodle cookies that I had left for my mom when I had first left for school. I discovered it by accident one day during the summer when I was stressed about work and was looking for something to bake, but didn’t have any of the conventional ingredients to bake with. I ended up using pancake mix to make cookies. They were so good that my mom made me write the recipe down before I left for school that fall so that she could make them for work parties.

I glanced down at the recipe, written in my very messy handwriting. It read:

Snickerdoodle Cookies (The internet may call them “Friendship Cookies” but they are wrong!)

3 cups pancake mix

2 ½ sticks of soft butter

¾ cups sugar

2 tablespoons molasses

2 eggs

dash of vanilla

cinnamon and sugar for dip mix

1.     Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2.     Mash up butter, molasses, and eggs in mixing bowl.

3.     Pour in pancake mix, sugar, and dash of vanilla.

4.     Mix together until a dough-like consistency forms.

5.     Cover bowl in cling wrap or foil and chill in fridge for 30 to 45 minutes.

6.     Add equal parts of cinnamon and sugar into a small cereal bowl. You can really just eyeball this.

7.    Spray either your hands or a spoon with cooking spray depending on how messy you wish to get.

8.     Form dough balls and then coat them in the cinnamon sugar mix from the bowl before placing them on a bake tray.

9.     Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until you can stab them and they pass the toothpick test.

I nodded to myself, taking in the recipe before setting up the counter with my ingredients. It had been a while since I had stress-baked. I hadn’t done it since before my big law exam two months ago. Most people don’t like to bake when they’re stressed, because then it easily turns into stress eating, but sometimes that’s just a risk you’ve got to take. Really, stress baking is only problematic when you live by yourself and don’t have other people to also eat your baked goods when you’ve finished them. Baking, to me, was easy. It was something I could do kind of on auto pilot, but it was time consuming enough that it took my mind off whatever was worrying me. It also helps when you have music going, so I pulled my phone out and started blasting some tunes out of the speaker before starting to mix my ingredients together. My dad peeked his head into the doorway.

“Packing is going that bad?” He asked as he came in and sat down at the counter.

“It’s not that it’s going bad, per se, but it’s just a reminder of how far reaching the looming shadow of my future has become,” I responded as I folded my ingredients over and over again trying to get the right dough consistency.

“It’s not as scary as you think,” he assured me, “but, we can talk about it if you want. I’ll even break out the good scotch from the top shelf.”

“I’ll take you up on that. Let me just pop this into the fridge to set for a bit,” I replied as I pulled the aluminum foil out of a drawer. I cut a piece to fit the bowl, tucking it around the bowl’s edge before returning the rest of the foil to the drawer and popping the bowl in the fridge. My dad grabbed two glasses from the dish cabinet and the scotch from its place on the special occasion shelf. That was the shelf where we kept the fancy booze and the serving trays reserved for company. It’s also the highest shelf because I couldn’t reach it as a kid and I had a habit of breaking things on accident.

I set a timer for 35 minutes and walked around the counter to our designated dining room space. It was basically an eat-in kitchen, but since the dining room table wasn’t actually in the dining room, my mom would get mad at us for calling it that. I plopped down into a chair, taking a glass from my dad. He sat across from me, passing me the bottle of scotch after he had poured himself a drink. I only poured myself a small amount, just enough to get me through this conversation.

“So, what are you stressed about?” my dad asked in that way that parents ask their children questions even though they know the answer will be a silly one.

“I’ll be in a new city. Alone,” I sighed.

“You were at college. Alone,” my dad responded, taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, but that was different. College isn’t real life. College is like fake real life. It’s like a weird in-between step between adolescence and adulthood where you’re not quite a full adult, but you also can’t get away with the things you got away with as a kid either. It’s like going from a tricycle to a bicycle with training wheels,” I explained. My dad just chuckled.

“Ella, you have to take the training wheels off at some point. Sure, it’ll be a little hard to get your balance at first, but then you’ll be fine,” he said, patting my hand. I took a sip of my scotch. It burned my throat a little. I’m not sure if I actually like scotch.

“Dad,” I continued, “what if I fail?”

“You’re not going to fail. Besides, even if you do, although it’s highly improbable, you know you can always come back home. You know you’ll always have a room here.” See? I knew he wouldn’t let mom turn my room into a guest room.

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed.

“Is there anything else that’s bothering you?” he asked.

“Aside from the fact that I have too much shit?” I countered.

“Well, if you went through your stuff all those times your mother told you to back when you were younger, this wouldn’t be as hard,” he teased.

“Yeah, yeah,” I waved him off. My timer on my phone went off, so I downed the rest of my scotch and went back into the kitchen. I pulled my bowl of dough out of the fridge and started to finish my cookies so that they could be baked.

“Ella?”

“Yes?”

“I know you’re worried about your future and failing, but that’s a normal feeling. You’ve always done well, so I know you’ll do fine in New York. Don’t stress out about it too much,” he told me before placing our glasses in the sink and returning the scotch to the top shelf.

“I’ll try not to.” My dad kissed my forehead as I continued shaping my cookies.

“Do or do not, there is no try,” he said and winked at me before leaving the room. I used up all the dough and popped the baking tray into the oven, setting another timer for 15 minutes. I cleaned up all the things I had used and put them back. I used to not always do that when I was younger, and my mom would read me the riot act for it. I’ve since learned that if I can’t clean as I go while baking, that I should at least clean up everything afterwards to avoid her wrath.

I rapped my knuckles against the counter, trying to think of something to do while I waited for my cookies to bake. The kitchen was already starting to smell like cinnamon. It reminded me of the holidays. I looked over and saw my cat slinking out from the living room, stretching like he just woke up from a nap. I smirked as I slowly tiptoed over to where he was near the table before I pounced. I picked him up in my arms, rocking him back and forth as he tried to push off me.

“Hey, Mac, is that any way to treat the person who loves you,” I asked as I gently placed him down on his cat tree. He looked up at me with an indignant glare, but I just scratched his black fur behind his ear. He started purring and kneading his tree.

We’ve had Mac for years, so I can play him like a fiddle. Mac’s short for Macbeth. We were reading it while I was in high school when we adopted him. Dad worked in a theatre, though, and saying Macbeth is considered unlucky, so we shortened it to Mac. I’ve seen him high on catnip, though, so I can confirm that he is just as ruthless when he wants something as the Shakespearean character. I’ve got the scars to prove it. I know he didn’t mean it, though. You can’t hold a cat accountable for his actions when he’s high on catnip.

“Are you going to miss me, buddy?” I asked as I kneeled down to be eye level with him. I tilted my head forward and he bumped his forehead against mine. I read somewhere that that is the equivalent of a cat kiss. Or at least, I like to think it is.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I smiled, “I’ll miss you too. I’ll even miss having to constantly buy lint rollers to get your fur off my clothes.” He always had a way of sitting on my white shirts, which wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that he’s a black cat that sheds a lot. Mac looked up at me and blinked. It was almost as if he knew I had kind of insulted him, but also, he’s a cat.

I went back into the kitchen to check my cookies. My timer hadn’t even gone off yet, but I had made them smaller than normal so they were already done. I pulled them out of the oven and left them on the counter to cool. Although, I couldn’t help picking one up and eating it. I had to make sure they came out okay, after all. It burned a little bit, but it tasted amazing. I shot a thumbs up at Mac and went back up to my room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a bit of energy, I started packing again. I was getting into the zone, which is hard to do when you’re packing. It’s almost like when you’re trying to clean your room, but keep getting distracted by all the cool stuff you forgot you had accumulated over the years. That’s what packings like, except it’s worse, because they you have to evaluate whether or not that item is worth keeping, whereas with cleaning you just have to find another drawer to shove it into and forget about it until the next time you clean. I went on this way for quite some time until a knock at the door pulled me from my task.

I smiled, knowing the familiar sound of the Shave and a Haircut rhythm as the calling card of my grandpa. He had always used that knock since he moved in with us when I was a kid.

“Come in, Gramps,” I called out as I finished taping up the box I had just filled.

“How’s the packing going, sweet pea?” He asked as he peeked his head around the door. His slippers finally passed through the doorway. He was in his flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, probably just coming back from a trip out to the river to read. He entered and handed me a hot cup of tea, “I figured you could use a pick-me-up.”

“Thanks,” I replied as I took the mug from him and sat down on my bed, “and it’s going pretty good. I’ll hopefully be done by the end of the week. I guess I overestimated how much time it would take to pack things up since I don’t leave for New York until two weeks from Saturday.”

“Well, that works out perfectly!” he beamed as he sat down on the bed next to me.

I crinkled my nose in confusion, “Perfectly for what?”

“For your trip!”

“Grandpa, I’m not taking a trip,” I told him slowly. I know people can become a little forgetful when they get older, but I had hoped we had a few more years before Gramps started going senile. I guess I was wrong.

“Don’t speak to me like I’ve got Alzheimer’s. I know what I’m saying kiddo,” he said as he patted my leg.

Alright, I’ll admit I was intrigued. I decided to bite. “I don’t understand, Gramps. What trip?”

I watched as he reached into the front pocket of his flannel shirt and produced a folded envelope. He handed it to me with a cat-ate-the-canary grin. “This trip.”

I took the envelope from his hands, skeptically looking over at him as I opened it. He definitely looked proud of himself. As I looked down and pulled out the printed sheet of paper, I knew why. It was the confirmation information for a two-week cruise.

I gasped, “Grandpa, you didn’t! But why? And more importantly, how? You don’t even know how to work a laptop when you want to find the stores for your hobby models.”

He shrugged, “I just figured that while most people take breaks and go places during the school year or during the summer, you never did that. A vacation is long overdue. Plus, you should start your new job feeling refreshed and rearing to go. You can’t give ‘em hell if you feel like hell.” Then he smiled at me, “as far as the actual logistics behind how I got the ticket, I had your dad look it up.”

I smiled at the prospect of another family vacation. It had been years since we had all done something together. “This will be so much fun! How are we splitting up the cabins?”

“There’s no need to split up anything when it’s just you.”

I paused, looking down at the confirmation paper in my hand. It just had me listed as a passenger. “You guys aren’t going?”

“Not this time. It’s time you did something for yourself and have your own adventures. You know, get some stories to talk about at the water bubbler during breaks,” he smiled, “and on a two-week trip around the Caribbean, that should be no problem. Your dad even helped me find a ship that has studio cabins, so you’ll have it all to yourself. You even get access to a special lounge for other solo travelers. Knowing you, you’ll easily make friends with some of them.”

I was in shock. “Gramps, I don’t know what to say. Thank you!” I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug.

I felt him pat my back as he hugged me, “We’re so proud of you. You deserve a break, sweet pea. It’s long overdue.”

I pulled back and put the ticket on my nightstand so that it wouldn’t get lost in the mess of my packing.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it,” he sighed as he pushed himself up off the bed. He reached the door and turned back to me, “Oh, and your Ma wanted me to tell you that dinner should be ready by five.”

I nodded to him and he left. I scooted myself back so I could lean against my headboard. I took a sip of my tea and surveyed the room before letting out a sigh. It looked so bare. If I closed my eyes, I could see myself as a teen struggling through some mundane high school drama or as a small child in the corner of the room playing with my old dollhouse. Where had the time gone? Sure, I was antsy to move out and start living my life, but I felt like I was a tight-rope walker who had been taught enough that I would be expected to do the tricks without a safety net now. What would happen if I fell? I shook my head and took another sip of tea before placing the mug on the table next to my ticket. I couldn’t help but smile as I looked at the slip of paper. That was enough motivation to finish packing in a record time if I kept up this pace. I turned back to my room, sliding off my bed and picking up another box. I assembled it, taping up the edges before placing more of my memories inside it. I pulled out the marker and labeled it “NYC.” My movements were almost mechanistic as the time ticked on until it was time for dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slid into my chair at the table after setting the table for my mom. I didn’t set the table that often, but knowing I would be leaving home in a couple weeks made me want to try to help out more. Part of me knew that I would miss them like crazy, which is silly considering I had just spent the past couple years apart from them at school. Moving away was basically the same thing, but it just felt different. I figured that I should try to memorize everything about my parents, even the small things. Those are the things we usually forget about people. I didn’t want to do that.

My mom placed the Dutch oven on a pot holder and lifted the lid. We were having stew that night, which for most people would be considered too hot to eat in the middle of May, but it had been a chilly, rainy spring day. In other words, it was the perfect day for a nice warm stew. I’d also like to take this moment point out that there is a difference between soup and stew. Soup is for cold, snowy days in winter, or for when you’re sick. Stew is for those wet and rainy days in spring and fall. You know the days, they’re the days where it’s not quite freezing outside, but it’s cold enough that if you stayed out long enough, a chill would probably settle deep into your bones. They’re the days where I like to watch the raindrops slide down the window from my spot on the couch where I’m wrapped up in a blanket, sipping tea, and reading a book. In fact, that was my plan for what I was going to do after dinner was over, but I still had to get through my meal first.

I dipped my spoon into my stew and lifted it to my mouth, but I put it back down before I could even take a bite. Everyone was looking at me expectantly.

“What?” I asked, bewildered.

“Are you excited?” My mom beamed at me as she tucked her brown hair behind her ear. It was beginning to fall out of her hairclip. She always put it up when she was cooking.

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to get away and relax before jumping into my new job,” I nodded. If I were to be honest, I still hadn’t given it much thought after the initial excitement had worn off. I was too overwhelmed by packing everything. That isn’t to say that I was ungrateful for the gift. I had just forgot about it for a little bit.

“I would love to go on a cruise, but you know how I get on boats,” my mom sighed.

“Oh, I know,” I said as I went to go pick up my spoon again. She gets very seasick. The last time we went on a boat trip together, she refused to go above deck. Apparently the seasickness gets worse if she actually looks at the water moving.

“Have you thought about what you wanted to do on the trip? The cruise has quite a bit of shore excursions you can sign up for. I can show you the website after dinner,” my dad chimed in. He carefully took his glasses off before he started to eat. Even with just having the bowl sitting near him, it was hot enough to fog up his glasses. I smiled at the small gesture.

“I hadn’t even thought of that,” I admitted. I had been too busy packing up my life and thinking about how much I was going to miss my parents that I didn’t even think about the things I would be doing on the cruise.

“They have all sorts of things at each port. You can still get off the ship even if you aren’t going on an excursion though,” my dad informed me.

“Tell her about the manatees, John,” my grandpa told him.

“MANATEES?” I exclaimed. Manatees are one of my favorite animals. A lot of people thought that was weird growing up, because basically they’re just knock-off mermaids, but I always thought they were cute. They’re these big sea cows and I am so happy that they are no longer as endangered as they once were.

“Oh, yeah. Your grandpa and I were looking at that. It’s one of the excursions in Florida, you can go swim with the manatees,” my dad nodded as he took another bit of his stew.

I couldn’t help it, I squealed. “Sign me up!”

“I have to tell you, though. There’s a catch to this cruise,” my mother told me as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. I sighed. There’s always a catch.

“What is it?” I asked, feeling a bit deflated. I probably had to host holidays at my new apartment for the next ten years or something like that.

My mom got up from her chair and went over to the closet. She came back with a little gift bag and handed it to me. Ignoring the inner child in me that wanted to tear through the tissue paper, I gently removed it and took a peek inside. Sitting in the bag were two books. I pulled them out and put the bag on the floor so I could take a closer look at them.

“A photo album and a journal?” I asked, tilting my head as I looked them over. They were pretty cute. The journal had the phrase “adventure is out there” written over a picture of the globe. I could dig it. The photo album was fairly plain in comparison, with only a leather spine and a navy cover.

“I want you to document your adventures. You start work soon, and I know how you throw yourself into your work. I figured that if you ever get super stressed, you can pull this out and remember a time where you weren’t,” my mom shrugged. It was a thoughtful gesture.

“Do I have to take the photo album with me on the cruise, or would it be okay with you if I just packed it for New York and put it together afterwards?” I asked. I wouldn’t have a use for it while on the boat since I wouldn’t be getting the pictures developed until later anyways.

My mom tapped her chin in thought before rolling her eyes, “I guess that would be okay.” She smiled at me before looking over at my dad and grandpa, “Does anyone want seconds? Or do you just want desert?”

“Helen, I know I didn’t raise you, but I think that I’ve lived with you and John long enough that you should know the answer to that question by now,” Gramps said, giving her a look.

“Alright, Dad, I’ll go get the cookies that Ella made earlier,” my mom nodded.

“Is Mom’s stew not good enough for ya, Gramps?” I teased.

“No, it was really good, but I want to sample some of my granddaughter’s baking before she moves away and I don’t get to have them for a while,” he laughed.

“Nice save,” I said, gently elbowing him. I was going to miss this. The witty banter and jokes. All I’d have to look forward to at home in New York would be streaming websites to watch movies on after work. Maybe I’d get a pet. I’d always wanted a rabbit.

My mom returned with a plate of my cookies and placed them on the table. Everyone seemed to enjoy them. To be fair, they were really good. They basically melted in your mouth, but left you with a nostalgic after taste. Maybe I was just biased because I made them and snickerdoodles were my favorite cookie, but I thought they were great.

“How’s the packing going?” Gramps asked.

“Well enough. I should be finished in a day or two,” I said after giving it a quick thought.

“That’s good. Don’t forget to start packing for your cruise now, too. You don’t want to pack all your clothes just to have to unpack them to pack for your cruise,” my mom pointed out. She made a good point.

“I’ll start that tomorrow. Can we look at the shore excursions?” I asked my dad.

“Sure, let me just bring up the website,” my dad said as he went into the other room and came back with his laptop.

We spent an hour or two looking over the different shore excursions as well as what was offered to tourists at the various destinations that the cruise ship didn’t have as an excursion and it helped me narrow down what I wanted to do a lot. The manatees were a must, and there were some other cool excursions to beaches and historical sites that I decided to add onto my trip as well. It was shaping up to be really cool.

Eventually, I started to get tired and said goodnight to my family before heading back up to my room. I had to move some boxes around, dropping my new photo album into one of the ones labeled “NYC.” Then, I pulled out the travel journal my mom had given me. I knew I technically wasn’t on my trip yet, but I felt as though finding out about it really marked the start of my trip, and that was just as important as the stuff that I did on the ship as well. I changed into my pajamas, and crawled into bed. I turned on the light on my nightstand and decided to write my first entry.

May 20th

Today my mom gave me this journal so that I could chronicle my adventures at sea. She wants me to be able to look back on them whenever I get stressed from work. It’s a pretty good idea, so I decided to do it. I’m not currently on the cruise. The cruise sets sail this Saturday, but I decided to document the events that led up to my journey as well as the actual journey itself, because I think they’re important. Plus, it’s been a while since I journaled and I forgot how cathartic it is. I really should get back into it, especially with how stressed I’ll probably be at my new job. I can’t constantly stress bake a batch of cookies. If I did, then at the rate that I’ll be baking I might as well just give up my dream of being a lawyer and just open up my own bakery. It’s either that or end up as a contestant on the biggest loser from all the cookies I’ll have eaten. Is that show even still on? Who knows. I’m not even really stressed about the job. I’m more so just stressed that I’ll mess up and end up having to move back home. That would be so embarrassing, not to mention my parents will probably be pretty disappointed. They would never say that to my face, though. I really just want them to be proud of me. That’s part of the reason I became a lawyer. It was something that they could brag about to their friends and coworkers. I mean, sure, I love the law, but I love seeing my parents happy more. Wow, this got deep for a journal entry about receiving a cruise ticket from my Grandpa. Dear old Gramps… my mom always used to say that my dad was my favorite family member whenever she and I used to go at it during my teenage years, but it’s really my Grandpa. He’s my hero. Not just because he bought me those tickets. That’s just the kind of stuff he does, though. He just wants to make his family happy. I can’t wait to go on this cruise! I just have to start packing tomorrow.

WHAT TO PACK:

-bathing suit (Duh)

-Flip flops (best shoe known to man)

-cocktail dress(es?)

-heels to go with the dress (beauty is pain)

-Those strappy wedges I bought a couple years back

-Tank tops

-Flowy shirts

-Bottoms

-Maybe a light button down

-Sundresses?

-Sneakers (For exploring)

-Sunscreen

-Umbrella (Be prepared)

-Sweater

-Jacket

-Toiletries (INCLUDING TOOTHBRUSH. No repeats of freshmen orientation)

-Underwear, bras, socks

-Pajamas

-Floppy sunhat. (It’s the Bahamas. Everyone needs a floppy sunhat)

-THIS JOURNAL

I’m definitely going to need to use the big suitcase…

-E

My days passed by in a blur until it was the day to leave for New York. My parents had offered to drive me to the docks so I wouldn’t have to worry about what to do with my car while I was gone. I really appreciated it. The plan was to move my things into my apartment, unpack enough that it’s functional for when I come back, spend the night and then drive to the ship in the morning. My parents were packing an air mattress so they could crash on the floor of my living room for the night. I was currently driving my car down the highway into New York, singing along to the music I listen to when no one’s around while my parents followed closely behind in their car. I was kind of shocked that most of my things fit into our two cars, but it helped that I was able to buy most of my furniture online and have it delivered later once we arrived. If it did get there before we do, then my landlord said he’d let them into my apartment. My bases were covered.

It was that confident feeling of having everything in place for once that made me crank up the volume on my radio. I could feel the bass course through my veins as I held onto the steering wheel. I have a weird obsession with early 2000s punk music and movie soundtracks. Really, my music taste is all over the place and there’s no in between. I was almost driving as fast as the beat of the song when we hit the infamous New York traffic. If I wanted to listen to something that went as slow as I did once we hit that, I’d probably listen to Largo, but who wants that? I opened my window and leaned my arm against the door. At least it was nice out. It was sunny and warm, but not hot. There was a nice cross breeze. I went to breathe in deeply, thinking it would be like the nice ocean breeze from back home. I was wrong. It smelled like sewer and pollution. I don’t think I could close my window fast enough. When I had gone apartment hunting, I had taken the train and almost went directly to Queens, so I hadn’t experienced the rich aroma of the part of the city I was currently trapped in. Then again, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for this moment. I felt like a tourist in this city that was going to be my new home. I looked at the estimated time of arrival on my phone’s GPS. Apparently we were only a couple of blocks away, yet it would take us another thirty minutes to get there at this rate and with the way the city is laid out. I just hoped my parents were doing okay in their car. My dad wasn’t exactly the most patient driver.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eventually we made it to my apartment building on 37th avenue in Murray Hill, Queens. I parked my car on the side of the street before getting out to stretch. It wasn’t like I had been in the car for a super long time, but it had been long enough to cause some discomfort. My parents pulled up behind me shortly after. They got out and looked around the courtyard that marked the entrance.

“Not bad,” my mom nodded.

“For New York,” my dad added, “remember, there’s no shame in moving back home.”

“John! Be nice,” my mother hissed.

“I am, Helen. Ella knows I’m just kidding,” he said defensively.

I rolled my eyes and popped the trunk of my car to grab a box. “I don’t think my furniture is here yet, but I figured we could take a box or two in on the first trip and check,” I told them.

“Alright, honey. Just tell us where you want things to go when we get in,” my mom said.

I balanced my box on my hip as I shut my trunk before heading to the building. The landlord had given me the keys when I signed my lease last month, so I dug them out of my purse and opened the door for my parents.

“It’s not a penthouse suite, but I like it,” I shrugged as we walked through the front door. I put my box down against the wall and turned to see my parents’ reaction. My dad was looking around and nodding appreciatively, while my mother was craning her neck to see into the different doorways.

“As you can see, it’s fairly spacious for New York. I know you both thought I would be living in a broom closet under a set of stairs. This is the living room and possible dining room if I ever feel like buying a table. The kitchen is the first door to the right, the door straight ahead is my bedroom, and the bathroom is the second door on the right,” I explained as I pointed out the appropriate doorways.

“It’s cute,” my mom said. She then went to go put the box she was carrying into the kitchen.

“Well, I went through and labeled all the boxes with their appropriate room destinations. Go team!” I laughed as I went back out to my car to get some more boxes. On my way back, the men with my furniture showed up and started unloading their cargo. My dad took over directing them while my mom started unpacking my kitchen items for me. It kind of reminded me of when I first moved into college. All of my roommates had taken hours to unpack their things, but it had taken me two hours with the help of my parents. I had the same expectations for today’s move. We Manchesters know how to get things done efficiently and we work together really well. That’s probably something that I’ll miss the most when my parents go home. I couldn’t help the small nostalgic smile that crept across my face as I placed the box I was carrying in the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took about five hours to get the furniture in place and put back together. While my dad worked on putting things together, my mom and I unpacked the various rooms. I finished unpacking my closet and went to check in on my mom in the kitchen.

“How are thing’s going?” I asked. My mom closed the cabinet she just finished filling and broke down a card board box.

“Well, your kitchen is set up. Your father is currently testing out the couch to make sure it was put together properly when he should be unpacking your living room boxes,” she smirked.

“To be fair, Mom, he did help put together a lot of furniture. He can take a break. I can unpack my movies and books,” I told her as I walked towards the boxes next to the entertainment center.

“How’s your bedroom looking?” my dad asked from the couch.

“Pretty good. I have the sheets on my bed, my clothes are away. The only thing I have left to do is hang up some art, but my arms didn’t feel like going above my shoulders anymore, so I figured I’d come out here. At least I can sit on the floor to unpack this,” I smiled.

“If I’m being honest, I was a little worried about what your apartment was going to look like since you refused to show us photos, but it looks great. With all your stuff in here it feels really home-y,” he replied,

“As home-y as you can get without actually being home,” my mom added as she sat down next to my dad.

“So, I was thinking pizza for dinner?” my dad offered.

“Sounds good. There’s a pizza parlor down the street. Do you guys want to eat there or do you want to order in and watch a movie?” I asked.

“We can order in. It’ll be our last meal together for a while. I’d rather spend it together in your new home. We should set up the air mattress soon, though. Just in case the walls are thin. I’d rather not blow it up in the middle of the night and risk irritating your neighbors,” my mom reasoned.

I nodded in response, unpacking the last of my box. I walked into my room to retrieve my phone from my bed. I ordered us a large pizza and a regular salad. Then, I grabbed the air mattress from my closet and dragged it out into my living room.

“I don’t think I have the sheets that fit this, so you might just have to sleep with a comforter,” I told my parents as I set it up.

“That’s okay. Your father is essentially a human heater, anyway. I don’t need anything that will make me more hot when I’m trying to sleep,” my mom chuckled.

“What movie do you guys want to watch?” I asked, thumbing through my options.

“Pick a classic one that we all like,” my mom replied. I smiled, slowly pulling out Kiki’s Delivery Service from my collection. We always watched this movie when I was a kid. Somehow it always made me feel better no matter how bad of a day I had had. It seemed fitting to watch it together now.

“Oh, that’s my favorite!” My mom smiled.

Eventually, dinner arrived and we settled in to watch the movie. Afterwards, we all got ready for bed. It had been a long day, but I still wanted to write something in my travel journal before sleep claimed me.

Dear Journal,

Today was the day of the big move. It didn’t seem as big once I got home. I think it took us about six hours to get everything into my little apartment. It’s hard to believe that this will be the last time my parents and I are under the same roof for a while. It’s also hard to believe that this is my own apartment! I feel like such an adult. Although, saying that you feel like an adult makes you seem like not actually an adult. It’s crazy to think that my trip is tomorrow. I honestly don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling at the moment. I’m excited for all the new adventures I’m embarking on, but I’m also sad for the things I’m leaving behind. I just have to keep telling myself that when one chapter ends, another begins, and that a chapter ending does not necessarily mean a bad thing. Sure, this is a major life change, and sure this feels like taking the training wheels off of a bike and then immediately getting pushed down a hill… wait, where was I going with this? It’s been a long day, journal. Don’t judge me. I should go to bed now since we have to get up kind of early. The dock isn’t too far from here, but New York traffic is notorious, and my parents want to get breakfast before we leave at this little café across the street. The next time we talk I’ll be on a ship heading into the great unknown… well, not really unknown. We have an itinerary, but, you know what I mean, don’t you? See you tomorrow!

-E