#i guess this affects America and the UK too

[pitchshitterarchiver]

Black velvet interview with J.S Clayden from Pitchshifter.

PITCHSHIFTER

(JS Clayden Questionnaire - Taken From Black Velvet 20 - May 99)

By Shari Black Velvet

When JS Clayden sang ‘I must be some kind of genius’, he was not too far wrong. www.pitchshifter.com is an immaculate piece of artwork in one of its noisiest forms. It rips, cuts, tears, bleeps, bops, blares and generally twirls you around in circles leaving you dizzy and decidedly off-balance afterwards. JS Clayden, his brother Mark, plus Johnny Carter, D Walters and Jim Davies are one of the most inventive quintets in rock today. Let’s find out more... courtesy of an email questionnaire which JSC was kind enough to fill in.

J = Js clayden

BV = black velvet interviewer

Black Velvet : What has been the highlight of your career so far?

JS Clayden: Meeting Jello Biafra, selling out the Astoria, playing with Black Sabbath, playing Reading Festival to a full crowd, going to Troma Films offices, not having to get a real job for the last five years.

BV: If you were a contestant on Mastermind, which subject (excluding The Life & Times Of Pitchshifter), would you most like to answer questions on?

J: Punk rock/jazz/art.

BV: How was your UK tour back in February? Do any gigs stick out? Which and why?

J: The UK tour was amazing. We sold out about five venues which was a nice surprise. Our fans in the UK have been very patient while we have been touring the world in '98. It was great to get back home and play to a very appreciative crowd. The London gig was obviously awesome, as there were 2250 nutters up for a mad night out.

BV: Which has been your favourite tour to date and why?

J: Personally I loved the American tour with Gravity Kills, Junkie XL and Cold. It was summer, we had a great tour bus, the tour was 3 months long and we all got along really well. I met a lot of really cool people that I still correspond with over the net and it was just one of those Summers, ya know? Japan was also amazing, but I think America had it.

BV: What would be your dream gig? Where? When? Supported by whom?

J: My dream gig? Dead Kennedys, Big Black, Plug, The Walking Seeds, DJ Shadow, Sex Pistols, Jeff Mills, The Specials, Everclear, The Ruts, Shellac and Girls Against Boys.

BV: Are you looking forward to the 'Big Day Out'? How do you think it will be?

J: We are all looking forward to it. The Ozzfest at the same place was amazing and the Big Day Out will be just as cool I'm sure. I like the fact that crowds get so see different facets of harder edged music rather than just a day of ‘heavy metal’. We'll have to wait and see, I guess. Hopefully I can get in the crowd again and meet the folks down front.

BV: What do you think of Earache's re-issue of 'Infotainment?'?

J: I think for someone who doesn't already own the release it is a great package. And for those who already do, well you get the 3 mixes and all the videos for free if you have a computer. Although the band had nothing to do with the re-release it is quite tastefully done and it looks pretty good. The CD-Rom portion is comprehensible and easy to use.

BV: Fanzines - your thoughts on them...

J: They get to review stuff commercial mags are too afraid to, or can't sell. I like fanzines. Pitchshifter have always featured well in zines. Good luck to them all!

BV: Is there such a thing as a typical Pitchshifter fan?

J: I don't think so. Our public is very cross-genre. I would hope that one thing all our fans have in common is their willingness to be open-minded. We try and give our fans every opportunity to experience new things when we can. We take new bands on tour with us, we talk about what affects us on our website, we get interesting remixes done etc.

BV: You're admired as a band by all sorts. Who would you say is your most famous fan? How do you feel knowing that you might have fans who are also into bands ranging from Bon Jovi to 3 Colours Red to Napalm Death?

J: I was out with 3CR last night! They played Rock City and we had a party afterwards (ouch!) (S: I know, I was there). I am always flattered that people have even heard of the band. We never get any radio play or major press. It's through the small indie stations and fanzines and mags like Metal Hammer and Kerrang! and Terrorizer and our website that people know what we are up to. Our most famous fan? The aliens that left the crop circle in the shape of our eye logo!

BV: Since the Seagram merger/Universal Group takeover, have you found any major changes occurring that involve Pitchshifter? How do you think, as a band, this change will affect you?

J: I can't discuss that element of our deal right now. I can assure you that the new LP is on its way however.

BV: The tour diary on your web site is very interesting and enjoyable to read. When is the release of the book and will it be available worldwide?

J: When I collate it and find a publisher! I am actually in the process of writing a novel based on the first tour diary I did in 1994. It won't be finished for some time though. I am actually far more comfortable writing prose instead of music.

BV: Why did you start writing a tour diary in the first place? Do you keep a regular diary? When did you first start keeping a diary?

J: I have the worst memory. I started writing a tour diary to try and remember what the hell I've been doing for the last 5 years. It was just for me. I think being able to see what you think on paper on the screen also acts as a cathartic catalyst for what you think. You should try it.

BV: You've been touring pretty much constantly for ages. How do you keep things fresh and fun on the road?

J: Satanism, child slavery, sex before marriage, crack cocaine, AC/DC records and Sony playstations. No, seriously - we are having so much fun playing music that we just enjoy it every night. We just literally goof around with each other on stage. Watch us and you'll see us laughing as we stage dive. It's a great life style and it's a shame it can't last for ever. The plethora of laptops, digital cameras and samplers that travel with us keep us on our toes too.

BV: How would you like to see Pitchshifter in the 21st century?

J: Madder, balder, fatter, richer, more irreverent, more cynical.

BV: You once said "The music that spoke to us unemployed kids on sh**ty estates in the North of England was punk music... It was angry and we were angry...". Are you still angry now? What makes you angry?

J: Take a look outside your door... GM foods, police brutality, racism, us f**king the 3rd world over, bulls**t politics, right wing lunatics, pro-life extremists, restrictive religions... Want me to go on?

BV: Is there any subject you'd really like to write a song about that you haven't so far?

J: I think we should write a love song. Now that would be funny.

BV: You come up with all sorts of samples. Where do you get your ideas from for them? Have you thought of anything you'd already like to sample for the next album? Anything really weird?

J: We just go to the studio and sample what we like. I think there will be some more back tracking on this LP. We tried dog whistles but they are outside the audio range of a CD. I have sampled my answer phone messages, my flatmate talking drunk, a woman sleep talking and the sampler feeding back through my computer - I'm sure other stuff will ensue.

BV: If you could introduce three new conditions/regulations into today's society, what would you like to introduce?

J: 1 - Radio stations would be forced at gun point to play wide variety of music and the DJ is only allowed to talk if she/he is telling you the name of the record. 2 - Politicians are not allowed to own ANY businesses and any that are caught lying have to parade naked with a dunce hat around Trafalgar Square for 30 minutes while the populous get to throw rotting vegetable matter at them. 3 - Big business is never allowed to regulate itself, no more BSE scenarios please.

BV: Similarly, you like to get people to question what's going on and you hope to open their eyes by writing and/or talking about your beliefs. What do you currently think the masses should open their eyes to?

J: The continual stream of bulls**t in the news and the government line. The classics from Tony Bore: 1 - "We will not support actions that will endanger the lives of people in minority communities abroad". So what does he do? Grants MORE weapons licences to countries like Indonesia who we know for a fact will use to kill people in East Timore. 2 - "GM foods are safe". Yeah, just like BSE baby. We have no idea what the repercussions of altering food might be until 10 years down the line when they say "Oops, actually they kill you". Just like the pill, just like BSE.

BV: When you originally set up the band, and when you bring new members in (i.e. when Jim began working with the band), do things such as whether the guy is a vegetarian, into Greenpeace and all the other same political and social beliefs as you take up as much a role as whether he's a good musician?

J: They are not mandates but they are important. Jim is a veggie and he believes in a lot of things that we think are important anyway and so all is well. We don't care if people eat meat. It's up to the individual. We don't do it and it works for us and we will be happy to explain why to you. But if you don't want to know then we aren't going to shove it down your throat. It's about education not indoctrination.

BV: Describe the other members of the band.

J: Drinky, mumbly, randy, and happy (does that make me snow white?).

BV: Sum up Pitchshifter in ten words or less.

J: Degenerate low life, mal-adjusted freaks.

BV: Anything else you'd like to add?

J: Go to http://www.pitchshifter.com now and see what's up!

Yep, do as the man says.

[ashfae]

i request that u do go on at length about how most of the united kingdom of great britain and northern ireland does not understand chocolate chip cookies. u are welcome.

All right, you asked for it. I will preface by stating I have lived in the US for 23 years and Scotland for 19 years and as such my knowledge and opinions are not so much informed as very mixed up. (see also my spelling)

So. Biscuits and cookies.

The common statement is that in America it's a cookie and in the UK it's a biscuit. This is both true and misleading. Let us define our terms.

Generally speaking, cookies in America are about the size of your palm, usually soft and chewy rather than hard and crunchy. Some will even call them a bit cakelike. (Trivia: the word 'cookie' comes from the Dutch word 'koekje', or 'little cake'.) Sure, there are exceptions, especially if you're making them at home and have added too little flour or butter that's too soft or baked them so long that they've turned into charcoal briquettes. But the best type of cookie has a little bite to it (al dente, like pasta!) and then turns into softness on the inside. Also, they're inevitably sweet. They're best when fresh out of the oven and a smidgen gooey and if you take chocolate chip cookie dough and refrigerate it and then eat it it's divine. Cookies are a dessert.

The UK's biscuits are not cookies. They are smaller, easily half or a third the size of an American cookie. They are definitely crunchy. Also they are not necessarily sweet. It is difficult for me to describe the concept of the digestive biscuit because after almost two decades of living here I still find them to be these bizarre neither sweet nor savoury neutral things that seem pointless and pleasureless. Biscuits are lighter and less dense than cookies and not at all cakelike. They are not a dessert so much as a thing designed to be eaten alongside a hot drink, and also to be dunked into it. The hard crunchiness that at first seems a sad reminder of lost cookies from across the pond is actually very practical as it helps keep the biscuit from falling into your tea/coffee/hot chocolate and becoming a sad mess of soggy crumbs ruining your drink. They are not cookies but they are delightful in their way. They are usually not very satisfying without a hot drink to accompany them, though there are notable exceptions such as custard creams. (Also the chocolate caramel digestive, which transcends all natural laws of biscuits and digestives and has achieved a deliciousness I cannot properly explicate)

As a side note, hot drinks are not an affectation here but a necessity because everything you've ever heard about rainy cold weather in the UK is true and the cold moldy damp seeps into your bones in a way it just doesn't anywhere in the US and there's a reason we're all so religious about our hot drink of choice and getting regular access to it. I still don't like tea and expect the immigration authorities to discover this and kick me out of the country at any time.

So far, fair enough. For the most part the US and UK acknowledge each other's cookie/biscuit differences, and even regard them with affection. There is some overlap. You can find US style cookies in UK supermarkets, and they will be proper cookies, chewy and delicious and not really suitable for dunking. Best of both worlds, yes?

Alas, there are a few catches.

First off, too often when you are offered a chocolate chip cookie, you are not given a cookie. You are given a chocolate chip biscuit. It will be small and hard and have teeny tiny chips and be okay if it's dipped into a hot drink but not really appealing otherwise. This is fine if it's what you expect but sad if what you wanted was a chocolate chip cookie. My theory is that the phrase "chocolate chip cookie" is so ubiquitous that even if in a biscuit assortment everything else is called a biscuit, the chocolate chip thing will be called a cookie despite manifestly not being one.

But second. Second is the difficulty of buying chocolate chips for baking with.

In the US when baking chocolate chip cookies, you get a bag, usually 12oz. My heart belongs to Tollhouse semisweet chips and I bring back several packs every time I'm in the US. These added to a recipe will make a roughly 40 cookies. A 12oz bag is heftyish, not at all hard to lift but awkward enough that you couldn't juggle it easily.

I can only guess that no one in the UK bakes more than six or seven chocolate chip biscuits at a time and no one at all bakes chocolate chip cookies, because for years all I could find were titchy little 100g bags of substandard milk chocolate chips, where the chips were as small and uninteresting as the bag they came in. TITCHY, I tell you. 100g = 3.5oz (roughly), so I'd need four of them to make a US style batch of chocolate chip cookies. There are better ones available now (thank you, Dr. Oekter) with much better chocolate plus the chip size is large enough that you can actually taste it, as opposed to it just ending up as a tiny smudge that once saw chocolate from a distance. The bags still tend to come in only 100g amounts. I've never bothered figuring out how to make a small enough batch of cookies that 100g of chips would be enough, there hardly seems any point. I think they're sold to be used as decorations more than chocolate chip cookie essential ingredients.

There are exceptions, of course, places that sell larger bags of chips for those of us passionately determined to bake chocolate chip cookies as opposed to biscuits (looking at you Lakeland, thanks). But on the whole chocolate chip cookies are not as big a thing in the UK as in the US, and most of the UK does not know what it's missing and thinks small hard chocolate chip biscuits or grocery store made preservative-laden cookies are sufficient, and have never had fresh baked melty chewy chocolate chip cookies with decent chips, and that seems a pity to me. I am amending this where I can, however. My most enthusiastic converts are my in-laws, and I have been known to pay for goods and services with chocolate chip cookies. Fortunately I have an excellent recipe (the Tollhouse one, but with some minor tinkering and a secret ingredient). They are delicious but dangerously addictive, which is excellent for my plan to convert those around me to their service and gradually turn the whole of the UK into my own chocolate chip cookie empire. All hail Ruth Graves Wakefield!

This concludes my babbling about chocolate chip cookies for today. Tune in next time when I'll reveal my other nefarious plan to force the UK to understand and accept pumpkin pie.

[imagine-loki]

What About Trust, Chapter 11

TITLE: What About Trust CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 11 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki owns a bookshop on Midgard. He had to do something there to try and avoid getting any attention. But he’s not fond of having customers, is rather grumpy and guarded. But then he meets a bright, bubbly and trusting young woman who doesn’t recognise him. To his dismay, he finds himself becoming rather fond of the mortal.  RATING: M

  ‘My god, just how many records do you actually have?’ Loki asked in disbelief.

‘Uhm… I have no idea.’ Cleo said, she and Loki were sat on the floor amongst a sea of records.

Loki had come across a trunk full of them, then there were all the ones she had around her place too. So Loki surprised her by getting her a beautiful large wooden cabinet, all shelves the right height for her records. Now they were sorting through them all, into alphabetical order.

Cleo groaned and leaned back against the sofa.

‘Come on, darling. We aren’t even a quarter of the way through them yet.’ Loki said as he slid another pile towards her.

‘Seriously wish you’d just let me put them all in, sorting them into order is ridiculous. Not like I’ll keep them that way.’ She huffed.

Loki raised an eyebrow and glared at her. ‘You better keep it in order, or you’ll be in big trouble!’ He growled low.

Cleo responded by sticking her tongue out at him, making him chuckle as he shook his head.

They ended up ordering in pizza, as by dinner time they were still organising. They were more than halfway through when the food arrived. They sat down on the sofa next to one another to eat, with music playing of course. They had an extra, extra-large pizza to share. A half and half one, as they couldn’t decide on a topping together.

‘Hmm, not as good as your home-made pizza.’ Loki hummed after his first slice.

‘Glad to hear it.’ Cleo grinned. ‘It’s still awesome pizza though, but if you don’t want your half, I’m sure I can manage it…’

Loki shook his head quickly. ‘I never said it wasn’t awesome.’

Cleo laughed and made sure she picked up her own slice. Leaving Loki’s side well alone. But she found she couldn’t even finish all of hers, she groaned and put her hands over her stomach. Loki slid the pizza box fully onto his lap and chuckled.

‘Seems it will be me eating your slices now.’

‘Don’t you dare. That can be my breakfast tomorrow.’ Cleo said, though she could barely move as she felt so full.

‘For breakfast?’ Loki asked, repulsed at the thought.

‘Hell yeah. Have you never had cold pizza for breakfast?’ Cleo turned her head towards him.

‘Cold pizza for breakfast? That all just sounds utterly ridiculous.’ Loki scoffed.

‘Not at all. You seriously need to try cold pizza, it’s the best.’

Loki rolled his eyes, not believing her. But that evening once the records were all neatly in order, finally, he tried a bite of her leftover cold pizza and was pleasantly surprised. When he tried to sneak a few slices away with him, he had to endure a swift smack on the arm.

Giving in and opting for some chocolate instead, he went back to the living room with Cleo and when she went to sit down, he grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap instead of letting her sit on the sofa next to him. She squealed in surprise when he caged her in his arms.

‘I feel like I should take you out on a date this weekend…’ Loki hummed as he slid a hand up into her hair.

Cleo grinned and leaned against his shoulder. ‘Yes, I think you most definitely should.’

‘Oh, you do, do you?’ Loki chuckled.

‘Hell yeah. I’m a classy bird, I need to be wined and dined.’

‘You are far from classy, love.’ He snorted. ‘Even I know that already.’

‘Well, that makes you just as not classy if you’re dating me.’ Cleo grumbled and poked his stomach, a little annoyed when it didn’t seem to affect him in any way.

‘Touche.’ Loki chuckled.

They ended up putting the TV on for a bit, just to watch something mindless while they snuggled. Though they ended up talking most of the time, anyway. There was a brief news bulletin about an incident that had happened in America, but The Avengers had saved the day.

Cleo scoffed.

‘What is it?’ Loki queried while he glided his fingers through her hair.

‘I dunno if I believe in all that crap. I mean, superheroes? Seriously?’

Loki frowned. ‘But they just saved hundreds of Americans.’

‘Yeah, exactly. They’ve never done anything here in the UK. We’ve never seen real proof that they exist, it could be a huge hoax. America trying to make out they have all these superheroes. Do you believe in it all?’ Cleo tilted her head back to look at Loki, who looked a little sheepish.

‘Well, yeah. I mean, why not? I’ve never thought to question it.’ He shrugged.

‘I tend to question things a lot. If I ever go to America and see them in the flesh for myself, then I will eat my hat.’

Loki chuckled and gave her middle a squeeze. ‘Better find a nice hat, then.’ He grinned, making her laugh.

‘Will you read to me for a while?’ Cleo asked him and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

He raised an eyebrow at her and hummed. ‘Why?’

‘I uhm, I really love to hear your voice.’ She blushed slightly, making Loki smile.

‘What do I get in return?’ He teased.

‘A warm bed for the night?’

‘I already have a warm bed at home.’

‘A warm bed and a hot girlfriend to snuggle up to?’ She tried.

‘Hmmm…’

‘Lots of kisses?’ She suggested and then started peppering kisses all over his face, making him laugh when she didn’t stop, getting all over his face.

‘Alright, alright. That’s good enough for me.’ Loki laughed and managed to grab her face in his large hands, but she managed to give him one last kiss on the lips, to his delight. He growled against her and moulded his lips against hers more firmly, moving them slowly together.

They ended up making out for a while, a little heavy petting too. Cleo squirmed on his lap when he copped a sneaky squeeze of her bum, making her giggle against his lips. They were both rather flustered and flushed when she snuggled into the crook of his neck again comfortably. He picked up a book that was within reach next to them and he began to read to her, calming himself down.

-

Loki was a man of his word. That weekend, he took Cleo out on a date.

She had no idea what the date was, since he kept her in the dark. All he told her was to wear something comfortable, but nice, and he would pick her up at six.

Loki was outside waiting for her at six and she was bang on time which made Loki smirk. ‘You’re excited.’ He commented as he slipped his arm around her and leaned down to kiss her.

‘I sure am. I love surprises!’ She said giddily as she linked her arm through his and they made their way down the road.

‘Well, we are going for something to eat first. But that’s not the surprise, the surprise is after.’ He couldn’t stop grinning as she looked at him curiously and began guessing.

‘Cinema?’

‘Nope.’

‘Star gazing?’

‘No, but nice idea. I’ll make a mental note.’ He grinned and bumped her with his hip.

‘Bowling?’

‘No way.’

‘Ice skating?’

‘Not a chance.’

She was about to open her mouth to make another guess, but Loki quickly covered her mouth with his hand. ‘No more guessing, just wait and see.’

Cleo licked his palm, but he just narrowed his eyes at her instead of removing his hand. She huffed when he did let her go and she said nothing as they continued walking to the restaurant Loki had booked them into.

‘Dancing?’ She said randomly when they were almost there.

He glared down at her. ‘You are so close to being in so much trouble. Stop. Guessing. You’ll find out soon enough.’ He said firmly, making her pout.

Cleo almost, almost, forgot that dinner wasn’t the main part of the night. It was so nice and romantic. The food was delicious, she had never been to that restaurant before. She wanted to order pudding, but Loki wouldn’t let her.

‘No time, darling. Next time, I promise.’ He was grinning from ear to ear as he took her hand and guided her outside to a taxi that was waiting.

She thought she would get to know where they were going before they set off, but the driver just started driving as soon as they got in. She glared at Loki, making him chuckle. He had pre organised it, of course.

But when they pulled up at their destination, her heart started racing in excitement. She looked at Loki, joy written all over her face.

‘Luke… Is this… seriously what I think it is? Do NOT mess with my heart!’

‘It is.’ He confirmed with a nod.

‘How? How did you get tickets? They sold out in seconds!’ She screeched excitedly as they got out of the taxi, Loki had to grab her hand as she tried to rush up towards the music venue.

‘I have my ways.’ He said cockily as he pulled the tickets out of his pocket when they reached the door.

When they got inside, Loki was blindsided by her launching at him and hugging him so tightly he thought she was going to squeeze the life out of him. He chuckled and buried his face into her hair as he hugged her back tightly.

‘Thank you, thank you. So much! I’ve always wanted to see him live.’ She beamed up at him.

‘You’re welcome, love.’ He grinned.

They rushed through to the stage, Loki managed to sweet talk his way for them both to get right to the front. Cleo was utterly amazed that everyone believed the bullshit Loki fed them to get them to move so they could get to the barrier.

‘What the hell… Normally if I want barrier I have to queue for hours!’ She said as she leaned on said barrier, bouncing up and down on her tiptoes excitedly.

‘Not with me you don’t.’ He purred into her ear as he moved behind her and held onto the barrier at either side of her, caging her in safely in his arms. He could see over the top of her head easily, and could rest his chin on top of her when he wanted. Making her laugh.

The support act was good, but Cleo couldn’t wait for the main show. Her heart was pounding in her chest as it usually did at the start of gigs.

The eruption of screams almost burst Loki’s ears, but he couldn’t stop smiling at how happy and excited Cleo was. She screamed just as loud as everyone else when Tom Walker walked out onto stage.

Loki enjoyed his music, after hearing his album with Cleo the other day. She had mentioned briefly about how gutted she was that his show was sold out so quickly. That’s what gave Loki the idea.

When the song ‘Just you and I’ came on, Loki slid his arm around Cleo’s middle then and kissed her cheek as they moved together slowly. He pressed his cheek against hers and she smiled, leaning into him more.

Cause you're the best thing, that ever happened to me

Cause my darling, you and I Could take over the world One step at a time Just you and I, Just you and I Cause you're the only one Who brings light just like the sun One step at a time Just you and I, Just you and I

[colemckenzies]

hi do you think older sitcoms are essential viewing? if so which do you recommend? i tried taking your quiz but i'm ashamed of not knowing any of the older ones hahaha

depends on what ur goal is!!! (i assume this is about the US version rather than britcoms just bc statistically that's more likely lol)

personally i like older sitcoms bc a) i just think they're neat :) and b) sitcom history IS tv history IS media history IS modern history. in the us and uk specifically sitcoms are so integral to the dna of the country, theyve been there since the beginning, they're the POPULAR television they're what everyone watched. even when they aren't 'good' they're just so omnipresent and influential that they affect literally everything else.

i also think it's cool as a litmus test for where the country is on social issues. invariably sitcoms were the first things to talk about stuff like race and sexuality (and not in the bland woke points way of modern shows lmao) because they were ALLOWED to because it was a safe environment bc 1. it's Funny so when the topic makes people uncomfortable they get to do Nervous Laughter and it's not too serious and 2. everything in a sitcom goes back to the status quo at the end of the episode so there's no Threat from these Scary New Concepts because it will be gone by the end. and yeah it means there was a lot of offensive shit sometimes lol but in the context of the time there is surprisingly little 'punching down' humour it's more just ~poltically incorrect~ which is better than pretending things just don't exist in the 70s imo. and again because it's SUCH a bland and popular genre it made a huge difference to Normalising things like shows like will&grace and the cosby show weren't perfect but just having them on as this safe middle class (bc yeah if they were going ~~socially progressive they were almost always middle class to make it palatable lol) concept made the middle class white cishets go wow 😌 guess they aren't evil freaks 😌 and joe biden even credited w&g for paving the way to gay marriage LOL which yeah obviously none of this is ideal but i think it's cool and has its place in social history!!

it's also just a cool little time capsule especially in domesticoms to see what people were concerned about at the time. this is especially true for britcoms bc of the whole kitchen sink realism thing but applies to us shows too!! like the episode of the golden girls where the children are afraid they'll die in a nuclear war before theyre adults (ah.. the 80s<3) or in rising damp (uk show from the 70s!!!) where there's a joke about not using aerosols bc of the ozone layer which are like Oh This Has Been A Thing For This Long

ANYWAY that's enough rambling. are old sitcoms essential viewing. if u want to fully understand the modern tv landscape then i think yes (especially shows like community and bojack that are very much About television and its legacy, or shows that are satirical subversions like iasip). but like not trying to be a snob u don't HAVE to lol. if u want to understand more about America As A Country then yes. if u want to find some shows that are genuinely enjoyable if in a different way to modern television then yes. yes <3

idk how old you consider 'older' sitcoms to be but some Academic highlights:

beulah (1950) - so a lot of EARLY early sitcoms were radio shows that moved into the new medium, and two of these shows were beulah and amos n andy, both of which were minstrel shows by white men. but when they moved to tv, they actually cast black actors/actresses for the most part, which i just find.. very interesting?? amos n andy did still use some blackface tho whereas iirc beulah never did. anyway this show was a HIT and was the first sitcom to star an african american woman, and also didn't have a laugh track which was rare in those days. obviously very outdated now but a piece of history!!

i love lucy (1951) - famous for a reason, the definition of tv history, literally INVENTED the flat lighting style that every multicam sitcom uses so they can shoot from multiple angles at once without shadows, genuinely funny physical comedy and vaudeville, lucille ball is the reason star trek got made so we love her <3

the adventures of ozzie and harriet (1952) - there's over 400 episodes of this and ive not watched most of them bc im not Super into it but it's definitely worth checking out as a Historical Artefact. technically a sitcom but also kind of invented reality tv since it's about a real life family playing themselves, specifically the nelson family. as in ricky nelson. ricky nelson the singer. he grew up on this show.

the honeymooners (1955) - this was filmed on a literal stage in a literal theatre and it feels like it. iconic and referenced a lot but i don't really like it :( wham boom straight to the moon

for Full History probably check out either leave it to beaver or father knows best for the middle class white picket fence domesticom but neither are Particularly notable

the dick van dyke show (1961) - one of my favs!!!! notable for blending the domesticom with the workplace sitcom since you see rob at home and at work (he's a tv writer so there's a canon reason for everyone speaking in quips). this show said women's rights for a) making rob genuinely love his wife b) making one of rob's two co-workers a woman and c) mary tyler moore, a new mother irl, saying I Am Not Going To Do The Vacuuming In Heels And A Hoop Skirt Are You Insane and wearing pants <3. v warm and funny show!!!

the addams family (1964) - ok so this show wasn't actually as revolutionary as everyone on this website likes to pretend it was, pretty much the only 'i hate my wife' show at this point was the honeymooners, there had been loving families, there had been non-middle-class-normative families, the munsters launched the same year and was almost identical. HOWEVER still makes the list bc there were a LOT of fantasy sitcoms in the 60s so they need representing at it was genuinely one of the best (but shout out to i dream of jeannie since that's the fantasy sitcom that sitcom textbooks love to use)

all in the family (1971) - ok so norman lear was a bit of a sitcom legend so one of his had to be included and this was really his first. ol norman loved a britcom so this show is actually based on till death us do part but im not convinced they actually got royalties. anyway one of the first SPECIFICALLY political sitcoms, framed as like young progressive generation vs old conservative generation, also one of the first ever tv shows to suffer from Asshole Main Character Is Erroneously Idolised syndrome. also compare w the honeymooners how all early sitcoms abt working class families tended to revolve around arguments :(

m*a*s*h (1972) - having a bit of a Moment on tumblr rn which is what she deserves. there were a LOT of war-based sitcoms in the early days but this one is significant because even though it was about the korean war it was obviously About vietnam politically. also klinger <333 did so much for queer ppl the Types of jokes surrounding his cross-dressing are very important. also the finale is the most-watched broadcast in america in history outside of recent superbowls, the apollo 11 launch, and nixon's resignation, so that's pretty iconic.

sanford and son (1972) - another norman lear sitcom this time based on britcom steptoe and son, with the major difference being the uk ver had white characters whereas this was one of the first (possibly the first??) all-black sitcom since the 50s. which is a lot of pressure. but it was a success and meant there were then a fair few in the rest of the 70s so that 'black sitcom' became its whole own genre, although they were less likely to have ~universal appeal~ and cross over to white audiences

soap (1977) - SOAP MY BELOVED!! cult classic, soap opera parody, historically significant for having the one of the first main openly gay characters and the earliest one that people still care about (because soap operas are another genre that love to tackle Big Social Issues so of COURSE a soap opera sitcom is gonna have one). by all accounts Bad Gay Rep™ but i love him so much <3

cheers (1982) - cheers isn't even the best sitcom in the cheers universe (frasier <3) but it is one of the most watched tv shows of all time so whatever. nothing That notable about it outside of its popularity, though sam/diane was one of the first big central will-they-won't-they plots.

idk if the 90s still count as older sitcoms?? i won't go into depth bc this post is way too long already but most academically notable 90s shows r seinfeld and will & grace, and ig friends (ew)

BUT if u don't care about sitcom history hfjshd here are some more of my fav pre-90s Vintage Sitcoms that i just watch for fun :) (warning i do NOT have good taste i genuinely like schmaltzy trash):

family affair

bewitched

my mother the car

the brady bunch

wkrp in cincinnati

full house

the golden girls

happy days

[the-based-brit]

Oh look a bri’ish thinking it’s opinions on other countries matters

Why don’t you crawl back up lizzie’s snatch and shut the fuck up, bean toast

Lol you think that just because I’m British, that I shouldn’t have an opinion on important matters outside of my country?

1. America is arguably the most powerful country in the world. Politically, economically and militarily. So whatever goes on there affects me, too. At least to some extent. Especially when it comes to things like their foreign policy and such.

2. This site is so Americentric, I’m bombarded by American politics everyday, which makes it VERY hard to ignore.

3. Haven’t you ever heard of the EU and the UN? Because last I checked, we only left the former recently and we’re still a part of the latter.

4. China is literally responsible for a worldwide pandemic and the government uses TikTok, a very popular website in the UK and America, as Chinese spyware. And you’re telling me that I can’t have an opinion on that just because I’m “Bri’ish”? Fuck off, anon. You’re probably just mad because I’m proof that there’s a whole world outside of America.

@drdrunkpigeon-phd @such-justice-wow @lordfreemanofficial @frankie-goes-to-hollywood @stereoslut I guess you’re not allowed to have an opinion on foreign politics anymore lmao 😂

[oculus-de-malus]

URL CHALLENGE: You have to answer each question that spells out and corresponds to your blog’s url.

O - Oldest film that you enjoy?

C - Country you want to visit?

U - Unusual Phobia you have?

L - Lazy Day or a Busy Day?

U - Underwater or On Sands?

S - Scariest movie you like?

D - Deepest Wish written in ⭐️

E - Earth, Fire, Water or Air? Why?

M - Memory that brings you happiness?

A - Age you learned something difficult?

L - Loneliest moment of your life?

U - Unique talent(s)?

S - Song you can’t get enough of?

O - The oldest film that I enjoy is actually one of the oldest films, period. Georges Méliès Le Voyage dans la lune, which was made in 1902. It's an enchanting visual feast, with Méliès himelf being a true pioneer of cinema... his work was extensive, and he produced a multitude of films, a lot of which were centred around astronomy or religion, notably the devil. YouTube should have a lot of his work if anyone is inclined to seek it out on the back of this reply, and I really do urge you to do so...

C - Whilst I have travelled a fair bit, there is still so much that I still want to see... I've never been to Australia, or Canada, or Russia... I've never visited South America in its entirety either... I'd love to visit the Amazon rainforest... I've worked with charities that have helped protect and preserve it, and even though the heat and humidity would no doubt disagree with me, I would love to visit it one day...

U - Believe it or not, but I don't have any phobias! At least none that spring to mind... I used to be scared of the dark as a very young child, but quickly learned to embrace it as the beautiful, natural thing that it is, to the extent I now prefer it to the light...

L - It completely depends on the circumstances and the company... mood, the weather, how tired I am... all these factors play a part! If I'm with the right person and we're in the right mood, busy days are a great way to spend the time, exploring, and enjoying various activities... however, lounging out in bed with the right person all day and ordering takeaway can be so great too...

U - Being underwater is such a relaxing experience... I used to scuba dive quite a bit, and had some fantastic times exploring various parts of the Mediterranean coasts... however it's not generally something you can do for a long duration, so after a long dive, it's nice to lay out and relax for a bit on the sand... but that said, I'm not a sunbather... I tan, but if I'm on a beach, you'll likely find me walking, paddling, swimming in the sea, exploring rock pools, or being buried in the sand, rather than laying out on it...

S - Scariest movie I like is a tough one... films have never scared me as such, and I have always enjoyed horror as a genre, whether it be supernatural, psychological, slasher, monster or anything and everything inbetween... I do recall a film that affected me a bit when I was young though... Threads (1984)... it's a devastating portrayal of what would happen in the event of a nuclear bomb hitting a small UK town, told in a very matter-of-fact documentary style way... I've watched it since, and the impact it had on that first viewing is not negated much with repeat viewings... definitely not something to watch if feeling depressed...

D - When I was six, I wished hard to be an astronaut so that I could see the stars, haha...

E - In terms of astrology? Or as 'elements'? I don't put much stock in astrology... but I have an open mind and find the subject and its history interesting... a friend of mine was kind enough to do my astrological chart for me over Lockdown... more for her interest/noseyness than mine, but it was very interesting... both me and my girlfriend are fire signs in this regard, so I guess I'd better choose that... as elements, I love anything earth and water, as I love nature and often feel at peace near and in water, despite it essentially 'extinguishing' who I am, astrologically speaking...

M - A memory that brings me happiness... there are a few, so not easy to choose just one... one of more recent ones is last weekend, when I spent a special day with my girlfriend, ahead of her birthday...

A - I guess it depends what you mean by difficult! I learned to play the piano from a young age... it gave me the great ability to be able to read music, something you never forget... I also learned to ski when I was about 14... I also used to race dirt bikes in my late teens and took a rally driving course too... but I still probably cite piano as more difficult than these... probably because I was so young!

L - Wow, this one hits hard to talk about... it was earlier this year, when I'd come out of a very stressful, intense, all consuming relationship... on both sides... something that was no longer what it had been, despite us both still loving and having feelings for one another... once I had taken the decision to finally, and sadly, end it, I'd never felt so alone... I wasn't in a good place... luckily I had some people around me to support me and distract me enough to get through it... I honestly don't think I'd be here typing this now, if I hadn't...

U - Well, everyone is unique, but I doubt I have a talent that is! I can juggle, but that isn't really very unique... I'm a good multi-tasker, but that's also probably because I am an overthinker too... haha... I've unfortunately(?) been someone who has always been good at everything (academics, sports, hobbies) but has never excelled in anything... I was never a stand out performer in anything in particular, really...

S - At the moment I can't stop listening to :Wumpscut: - Hard to Bear... it got lodged in my brain when I was driving the other day, so I am forced by my brain to repeat it until it's been adequately satiated...

[snakesnack6]

Turns Out She’s 100% My Cousin

(its been a while since I wrote something to this length,so here is a fic for the Youtuber Six AU. I’m currently planning for a multi-chapter fic for this the future,so don’t be afraid to ask questions and such about it)

This is also available on ao3: here

Headcannons for this au : The Queens  , Ladies and Waiting + The Palace

Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard were known in the youtube community as the dynamic cousin duo,when Anne first started out. With Katherine behind the scenes and Anne on the screen, they made their name. No one really knew the reason behind the cousin,but it worked out for them. Even when Katherine moved onto her own channel, and made a name of her own, she still stayed with Anne. To Anne, Katherine was her little cousin who she needed to protect, and to Katherine, Anne was her mentor and guardian who she could rely on. All in all, they see each as family in thick and thin, and that's what really mattered to the both of them.

The video pans to the main members of The Palace currently seated in their living room with Anne, Anna, and Parr on the couch and the others on stools behind them.

“Hello my fellow queens, kings, princes, princesses, and everyone in between. I’m Anne and you're watching Disney channel” The queens laugh at the small quip except Aragon who just rolls her eyes. Anne motions to the 6 boxes on the table while continuing, “Anyways, since World Heritage Day is coming up, we decided to do a DNA to look into our own heritage and to prove I’m not a gremlin”

“ Annie, at this point you have to accept that gremlin part of you, just like I do.” Katherine says. 

“There’s even a movie about it. You might be in it” Cathy adds to the blow as Anne wipes fake tears. “As hurtful as that was to hear, today we will be using the service of 23&Me for our testing. Personally I know my family heavily lived in France and spent some time in England.”

“Pure-blood German, born and raised,but I may have some Russia and Dutch in me”

“If Spain doesn’t show on my test,I’m just gonna sue and get my money back. Otherwise I’m Spanish,as well as Romanian”

“My family were from France and Italy before they moved to the countryside of the UK before my immediate family moved to America”

Both Cathy and Kat hesitate to go next,but after a few seconds Cathy decides to go. “ I know my mother had some relation to Spain, and that the rest of my family I’m unsure of. I think mainly from northern Europe,but don’t quote me on that”

“Same thing with me. I’m not really sure where my family is from,but I know I same some relation to France because of Anne’s side” Kat turns to Parr, and leans down to give her a gentle hug “But I wouldn’t worry too much, we’ll figure it out”

The video continues with Aragon and Jane explaining how the test works and how it can affect ancestors, relatives, and diseases that are connected to your DNA just through some saliva. The queens do the process of spitting into tubes, some preferably doing it off camera.(Anna started choking at one point) Parr ends the test part of the video by  explaining that in a few weeks ,they will get their results. The video skips to a break snake with Aragon and Maria break-dancing,with beat-boxing provided by Anne and Kat, with the caption ‘A few weeks later’.

----------------------------------------------------

“Welcome back everyone, it is currently...” Parr looks off camera”around 2 am, and we have gotten our results”. 

The camera zooms out to show the queens in the same spots as before with their laptops, or phones with them. They are all currently wearing their pajamas. Each one of them take turns looking at each of their results. Kat and Anne get excited when Kat finds out she actually has some background in France. Cathy also finds out she has a mixture of countries in northern Europe. The mood does dim when the test says that there is a chance of cancer for Catherine and Anna,but after a few jokes and quips, the mood lightens once again.

“Kat, Jane, are you getting this as well?” Anne turns her laptop to them and the camera shows ‘Jane Seymour’ as 2nd cousin and ‘Katherine Howard’ as 1st cousin under ‘possible relatives’. ”I know that Kitty is related to me,but Jane...I’m honestly shocked” 

“Same thing as you Anne” Kat shows her screen.

“Same” After Jane shows her, there is a moment of silence between them,but Jane soon breaks the ice. “I’m going to make some calls” as she leaves the room.  Anne leaves the room as well, followed by Katherine.

Now in an awkward position, Anna and the other Catherine's do some closing remarks, end the video, and inform their subscribers they will post any other news about this on a later date.

----------------------------------------------------

After an hour of calls,text, and talking to family members and those of the household, Anne and Katherine decide to confront Jane first. 

Before they are able to knock, Catherine opens the door to see them “I’m guessing you're here to finally talk it out” the cousins nod. “ Just please don’t cause anymore chaos that is already here” The said party giggles and walks in as Catherine leaves.  

Jane sits there on her bed, writing ,or possibly drawing in one of her recipe journals. It takes the sound of the door closing for her to realize her newly found cousins have entered a room. Jane motions for them to take a seat next to her on the bed,but instead Kat goes to hug Jane as Anne takes a seat next to her.

“For a long time, it's just been me and Katherine and to have met the rest of the queens and LiW in order to create The Palace,  and to finding out we have another cousin right underneath our noses. Life really is crazy” Katherine soon lets go of Jane in order to pull Anne in as well.

“Life works in mysterious ways Anne,but I think a welcome to the family slash A three cousin-teer hang out day is order” Katherine turns to Jane. “What do you think?”

“I think it should be planned,but we can deal with that in the morning. Also just because we are technically blood related family, doesn’t mean your first to taste test my recipes” 

Katherine dramatically falls on the floor,” I would Never ask my cousin for such a thing,but I do want dibs of getting my plate first”

Jane and Anne laugh as the night gets darker . They stay in the room for a while,just talking and catching up. At some point of the night, Chris the Pig joined them as Jane talked about her life on a farm. And when the other queens went to check on them, they found the cousin on the floor with Jane in the middle and Chris at her feet. The cousin duo now technically is a trio,but that announcement that can be worried about in the future. For now they can make up for lost time, and learn even more about the new addition to the little family, a cousin that Anne wanted to protect and another mentor for Kat to learn from.

[diurnaldays]

I was tagged by @skullycloud in the @americapersonified usuk/ukus survey!

Quick note, I'm answering all of these from a canonverse angle specifically.

USUK/UKUS SURVEY (by americapersonified) QUESTIONS:

- In what decade did they officially become involved?

If you know me, you know I loooooove WWII USUK. There's just so much significance, both personal and historical, to the WWII US-UK alliance that I doubt they didn't start dating during the 1940s. Maybe they first kissed on VE Day, maybe they first kissed on Janurary 8th, 1942 (you'll find out the significance of that date eventually if you follow along with my historical USUK fic "Tigers in the Sky", wink wonk).

- Who tops? (USUK or UKUS?)

They wrestle it out. Either that, or they do rock/paper/scissors. In all seriousness, it likely depends on what fantasies they're acting out, who's less drunk, etc etc.

- Was either of them a virgin before their first hookup?

Maybe America, definitely not England, though I like changing this around in human AUs.

- If not, to whom did each lose his virginity?

England either lost his virginity to Portugal or France, depending on just how closely England entangled himself with them during alliances/invasions.

Although I doubt America lost his virginity in canonverse (before WWII, that is), I guess his first time might be with either France or a human. With France, it'd have happened during the Rev War to spite England, while if it was with a human, it was a one-night stand that America probably felt bad about afterwards.

- Are they more patient with each other in private, or do they bicker/tease each other all the time?

A mixture of both, to be honest? They express more affection and intimacy in private, as they don't feel a need to put up the same barriers they maintain in public or when around other people. At the same time, they're both always up for a verbal sparring match, regardless of whether or not they're behind closed doors.

- Will they get married?

I'm a sucker for gooey romantic shit, so of course they do. Anyway, speaking from their perspectives, they love each other and probably have preconceived notions of what a modern long-term romantic relationship should look like, so they'd get married regardless of what their bosses think.

- If so, where will the wedding be held? (Add other details if you wish)

Regardless of whether or not they're public figures, their ceremony was probably rather small but still decorated rather nicely with some of their closest allies invited cordially as guests. I think the first time around they'd get married in a quaint chapel in the English countryside somewhere, but when they renew their vows they alternate between each other's bucket list venues -- so one decade, America insists on renewing their vows in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator as the officiator, another decade England arranges a ceremony on a historic ship, the decade after that America organizes a bombastic ceremony at Disney World, and so in so forth.

- At whose house do they most often stay together?

In canon, they usually stay at America's house. In my opinion, they try to split trips 50/50 whenever possible, though any number of reasons could compel one of them to visit the other more often.

- Do they refer to each other by their nation names or human names?

Depends on the situation, time period, etc. I think that both their nation and human names are intimate for different reasons that evolve over time.

- What pet names do they have for each other?

America @ England: sweetheart, babe, baby, (insert gooey silly pet name here when he's trying to tease England rather than openly express affection towards him)

England @ America: love, poppet, my love (He uses these both sarcastically and endearingly.)

- Who drives?

Depends on which side the country they're in drives on.

- Is Alfred good at making Arthur's tea?

Eventually, he develops a knack for brewing tea just the way England likes it, but he doesn't admit to himself that he cares about England enough that he's learned how to make perfect tea and scones -- it's just so that England will stop making a sad face and cheer up, you see! A hero can't do heroism when his lover is all pouty and sad! Anyway, England knows that America can brew tea correctly, and so he gets pissed off whenever America brews his tea incorrectly, as England knows that his lover is trying to get a rise out of him.

- It's universally accepted that Arthur is bad at cooking. Does Alfred enjoy cooking? Is he good at it? Or does he usually stick to McDonalds and fast food?

Hey, England's canonically good at baking :( But anyway, I have no doubt America can actually cook very well when he tries. However, fast food is easy, tasty, and convenient for him, so he usually just orders delivery when he's not having England or a friend over. I bet England would be surprised that America can actually cook really well the first time America prepares a lavish three-course Thanksgiving meal for the two of them, though America brushes off the effort he puts into cooking and alternates between pretending that he doesn't know how to cook and taking pride in how much better his cooking totally is compared to everyone else's.

- Do they shower together? (Not specifically for sex)

As long as the shower stall or bathtub is big enough, yes. Just as England fixes up America's shirt collar and tie before attending formal events, England likely also joins America in the shower to both save water and make sure America washes himself and towels off properly. I'm not sure how they'd stay in such close proximity to each other while naked for so long without getting at least a little handsy, though, lol

- Who smells better? (In your opinion)

Uh, England? While America probably has a nice warm sandalwood and sea breeze musk when he's trying to be seductive, he's also sloppy enough that he'd smell of grease, lint, and sweat most of the time (sorry, you know it's true). England is probably more attentive to his own personal hygiene and so usually carries a faint aroma of rose blooms and tea.

- How vocal are they in bed?

Both are very vocal, though England probably moreso when America's doing a good job.

- Is spending time together easy, or are they forced apart for long periods at a time?

I'm a sucker for America and England dealing with the loneliness and longing of a long-distance relationship, so while they'd do their best to find time to visit each other, they both have separate lives and duties that sometimes keep them apart. Still, they generally spend every vacation together, and their allies/friends are used to every invitation likely involving a plus one at this point.

- Are they wealthy, or do they live modestly?

Depends on the time period and where they are. I'd imagine they both own lavish estates and apartments/flats as well as some more modest homes across their respective nations, though they try to maintain lifestyles similar to those of their more average people.

- For Alfred specifically: Glasses on or off?

On in public, off in private or when they're being annoying (as glasses are wont to do).

- How often do they break up?

Unless they have a really bad misunderstanding, I don't think they'd take breaks or break up. They've developed good communication and rapport with each other after decades of dating.

- Open relationship?

In terms of romance, definitely not, they're both too possessive (and also imperial powers lmao). In terms of the bedroom, however, maybe that'd be a different story... (Jealous possessive America ftw)

- Did Arthur actually care for Alfred before the revolution?

Hmm, probably in a paternalistic (NOT paternal) sense, like America/Alfred was an abstract love object for him who he sometimes mentored and sometimes brought gifts for, but who he otherwise chronically neglected up until America broke off their relationship unilaterally with force.

If you see this survey and want to fill it out, consider yourself tagged! :)

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

Bioshock Rebirth Timeline

This is a timeline of an AU I’ve had been developing for a long time now. I wanted to get this out there before I got on vacation. Where I’ll will be only able to use my phone to go on Tumblr. Be warned a long introduction. 

Bioshock Rebirth is an AU that’s actually a reimagining of the Bioshock series. Basically a reboot of the series. But also in a strange way it’s a, “What If” scenario. The origins of this AU were quite strange and it became this one thing. Where I have admitted I went too far with how deep it was going. There was this passion and me trying to develop it(Such as imagining how it would work as a video game. Even though this is my story). Including I made some stories for it. Along with an ages chart of a lot of characters. 

During development I was trying to understand what made Bioshock well Bioshock. Yet make something that seem plausible despite how I considered it insane in it’s early stages.

I’ve been so nervous and shy to share it with the Bioshock community on Tumblr. Because it’s complex, and I’m concerned of what the reactions would be to it. Especially some parts I feel like became quite dark. With this AU I have used elements and characters from the first three games. But the timeline is mainly mostly like Bioshock 1, 2, and taking things from the novel. Despite what some reactions were to that novel.

I looked into the timeline before Infinite made things more messy. 

One of the origins for Rebirth it’s supposed to be a more hopeful version of Infinite. A contrast to that game’s ideals and whatever else. Including a weird way to explain how this timeline existed. Because of the incontinences and errors in Bioshock Infinite’s, “Burial At Sea” and the events of Infinite did something to the multiverse. Mainly in a way that despite how Ken Levine tried to erase Bioshock 2 out of canon. Basically, “Burial At Sea” destroyed the timeline and in a way caused a ripple. Thus resulting in a new timeline that is a neighbor to the main universe. A, “Reborn” version of the timeline. Where Rapture was created way later. When the Cold War was still going on.

But this, “Reborn” timeline was made into a more linear timeline. Where characters, and some events were reborn into a new reality. Meaning nearly every character from the first three games were, “Reborn” into one linear timeline. Where the floating city of Columbia isn’t a thing.

While that doesn’t make sense and it’s weird. What’s amazing that during development, some of my Bioshock jokes...became literal. Such as the, “Burial At Sea was a mistake” line. Yet I could say another funny reason was two entities fought over the universe of Bioshock. One being Ken and the other being GeekGem. But I don’t wanna get into that.

I guess you say I feel glad to see many Bioshock fans don’t like Burial At Sea(Especially Bioshock 2 fans) and how Ken wrote it along how he approached Infinite. Glad to see I’m not the only one. In a silly way....Rebirth is a middle finger to Ken trying to rework the timeline. Along with other reasons that it’s amazing I went so deep into this. Basically in retaliation to Burial At Sea, Rebirth was born.

I wanna thank my good friend @pikablob for encouraging me to share this. Because he was the first person where I revealed this in it’s early development stage. But there is one person I really wanna thank but they wish to remain anonymous. A person who had given me ideas and even asked if I could mention them. I am eternally grateful for them helping me develop ideas. Especially to hear from another Bioshock fan who didn’t like BAS and who seemed passionate about the series. Yet they were glad to see I was passionate about the games.

I’ve been concerned with how people would view this and may hate it. But overtime I feel like I made a, “Love Letter” to the Bioshock franchise. Despite some directions I went with. I really like these games, the characters, and this world they live in. Where I really tried to keep them in character as much as possible, how these characters would make sense in this timeline, thinking about the criticisms of Infinite, and other things.

I will admit before making this introduction. One character I wanted to include was Charles Milton Porter from Minerva’s Den. I decided to look into his story and the DLC’s story on the Bioshock wiki. Because this DLC was beloved by the community and I wanted to keep that character and his story intact. But I just wanna post this because I’m done keeping it as a draft. Yet I feel like wanna say compared to this main universe counterpart. Porter is most likely okay. So don’t worry about him. He’s probably still around and fine.

Be warned of spoilers from the Bioshock saga. Including as I am going to reveal the twist behind a character named Archie Wynand. Who’s creation and development process was a weird one. I’m sorry if there are some errors. Was fixing up some stuff before posting this.

1981: Rapture is first established on November 5th 1981. While the rest of the construction of the city is finished in late 1986. Rapture was made to escape the surface especially the affects of the Cold War going on between America and Russia. To make a utopia for the world’s greatest minds and artists.

1983: Earlier that year, Brigid Tenenbaum is welcomed to Rapture because of her status as, “The Wonder Child”. ADAM is finally discovered through the slugs by Brigid. But because of injecting a sample into a volunteer named Annabelle Dewitt,  Annabelle dies giving birth and Elizabeth/Anna is born. The girl was unusually healthy that  Andrew Ryan convinced a grieving Booker Dewitt to give his kid away for a better life. When in reality Andrew saw something in the girl. Along with Yi Suchong.

During one night, enraged by the loss of his wife. Booker invades Brigid’s apartment, tying and gagging her up with the intention to kill her. Accusing her of killing his wife. But he relents after seeing the woman cry and realizes violence isn’t gonna solve anything.

After this, Booker leaves Rapture without anyone noticing. Later down the line joining the CIA. But during his work in the CIA, being affected by the loss of his wife and giving away his daughter. Booker becomes some what of a apathic psychopath. Which creates a terrible reputation for himself. 

Because of what happened with Annabelle, Brigid is turned away from many research facilities. But Frank Fontaine saw the value of her discovery and agreed to fund her research. Including during this, he and Tenenbaum are made aware of Elizabeth’s existence to study her growing up. Including later the Lutece Twins. Mainly to help study the girl. The reason Fontaine also involved with Tenenbaum because she was his employer.

During this process. Brigid gives Elizabeth the last name of Comstock. Because Ryan would feel disgusted if the girl shared the same last name as him.

1986: During the 80′s and 90′s. Elizabeth is placed into a building and her existence is kept a secret. Yet in 1986 when nearing a closing teleporter made by the twins. Her pinky finger is severed. 

After this, because of her blood and what happened with the tear. She was able to gain the power to open tears. But because of this incident, her prison becomes less loose and more strict. Such as the twins creating a device to control the use of her powers.  During this time, Yi Suchong creates the, “Proto Daddy” to keep her company as her guardian. Which Elizabeth nicknamed him, “Bluto”.

Elizabeth is kept as a secret in case for the possibility in case he hopes it never happens. If Rapture were to fall and soon taken over. Whether it be the, “Parasites” or someone else. Elizabeth is his secret weapon. If she were to be revealed now, Rapture as a society might collapse. Showcasing his lines of, “No gods or kings, only man” as just something he went against.

But in the tower, they keep her there and watch her as she grows up. With Andrew not calling her it instead of her, and Suchong studying her as well. 

1988: Elizabeth was the inspiration for the Little Sisters. Which results in Frank Fontaine starting the Little Sisters orphanage.

Elizabeth is basically the, "Proto-Sister" of the Little Sisters.

1995: The UK’s Royal Navy deep sea diver, Sergeant Johnathan Gunnar AKA Johnny Topside finds Rapture by mistake but is captured. He is presumed dead by his government. Johnny is given the freedom to live unless he lives in Rapture which he does. Mainly due to his career as a diver. Now helping as a construction worker to keep the city from falling apart.

Eleanor Lamb is born to Sofia Lamb. Because of during one therapy session she got, ‘acquainted’ with a patient, and had sex while drunk. Sofia refuses to speak about it. Yet she finally has a daughter for her own purposes. The father is unknown at this point.

Because of this and the increase of the Rapture possibly being discovered. Andrew personally sets out to find a someone that has the skills but does not seem to care about anyone else. He finds Booker Dewitt who is now a ex CIA operative due to his increasing rage and violence over the years. The American government thought he was a disgrace.

Andrew see’s this as a opportunity and gives Booker some what of a 2nd chance. To be Andrew’s personal soldier. In case things go south where he may want Booker to take care of any problematic people who apposed Rapture.

Booker became Andrew Ryan’s personal Grim Reaper. With Andrew allowing him to wear a skull mask that looked like the jaws of an Angler Fish. To showcase fear to any of his enemies.

1997 to 1998: Jasmine becomes pregnant by Andrew Ryan. After discovering from the audio recordings of a surveillance device planted in Jasmine’s room.  Using Tenenbaum as an intermediary, Fontaine offered to pay Jolene a large sum of money in exchange for the fetus of her unborn child, which he planned to nurture to become his "Ace In The Hole" in his schemes against Ryan. Brigid, Yi, and others were tasked with developing a young Jack Ryan.

The Alpha Big Daddy series is soon made. Inspired by the, “Proto Daddy”. To protect the Little Sisters from getting attacked from people who used ADAM too much. Who were called the Splicers.

Yi Suchong and Gil Alexander were involved in the making of the Alpha series.

Johnny Topside discovers the process about Jack. Including what Frank planned to use the child for.

Johnny risks his own life and future to give the boy a life. Fighting against Frank’s forces and even Andrew’s own men as they think he’s gone against Rapture. Even one time assaulting Yi once to rescue Jack from him.

Due to Brigid’s feeling regret of what she did to the Little Sisters. She secretly helps Johnny by making sure the, “Would you kindly” phrase doesn’t work or any other functions Frank would of used. Including to stop the sped up aging. This was done in a secret safehouse she would use later on. While a pair of twins secretly smuggle Jack out of Rapture. With giving the boy a new name Archie Wynand, a high school diploma, birth certificate, lots of money, and new memories showcasing that he had loving parents who disappeared in the ocean. To make sure he never wonders about Rapture. But also to make sure he is set for life.

The chain tattoos are covered up some how. During this time Jack was only 1 but physically 19 due to the experiments performed on him. Again feeling sympathy over the child and not wanting this to be his fate. Despite never raising a child before.

Johnny also tried to make sure nothing would lead back to Jasmine being Jack’s mother. Worried the woman would get killed if Andrew found out.

But after he is smuggled out by these twins, Johnny is caught. Angered by this, Frank tells Andrew that Johnny was gonna expose Rapture to the whole world. That Johnny finally lost it.

As punishment, Johnny is turned into an Alpha series Big Daddy named Subject Delta. Where his Plasmid testing and more is done by Sinclair.

Afterwards Andrew Ryan soon discovers what Frank was trying to cover up. That he was gonna use his own seed to turn against him. Including when he discovered Frank wanted to sell ADAM to the surface and would smuggle it.

This resulted in one last shootout which left Frank dead. Along with Andrew ordering Booker to show Frank no mercy. Many others thought Frank was dead. But it was all a set up for Frank to disguise himself as a new person named Atlas.

Surprisingly the concept of Atlas was also inspired by Johnny Topside himself. Despite Atlas would be of Irish decent and other things.

During late 1998, Atlas would soon start becoming a public figure to the poorer citizens of Rapture. Posing as a fisherman, proletariat hero, and a family man. To act as a humble freedom fighter to who would stand up to Ryan and his colleagues. Along with the bonus that Atlas was originally in the Irish Army for some time.

But because of what Johnny Topside did. Frank’s original, “Ace In The Hole” was gone. His original plan that was so perfect was ruined. His personal slave was lost and broken now. Now things have to start over.

Yet there was one last thing he could of used. Something he knew for a long time. Elizabeth, if he could use her for his own purposes. She was born with ADAM in her, and able to create these tears. He would become unstoppable. But now he has to take it slow and steady.

Because of her new found heart after what she did to the Little Sisters. Yet this also caused Frank to fire her earlier. Brigid wanted to help rescue the Little Sisters. Yet after her renunciation of the Little Sister orphanage. She was called a madwoman by the public and hid from the public eye.

She secretly has a safe house for any rescued Little Sisters. Which she has also made a living space for herself. Because living in her apartment would be considered too dangerous. But also because of her new found heart and living with the guilt for many years. Brigid feels responsible for Elizabeth’s predicament. Wanting to save and take care of her like she was with her little ones. Despite she can’t get to that tower now considering how well guarded she is. Along with Brigid’s reputation was destroyed at the time.

Throughout 1998 and to 2002. Because thinking his parents were gone. Archie was a loner and an introvert. He had no family to live with. Yet it was because of Johnny’s kindness and the memory that his thought to be dead parents left an lasting impact on him. Making Archie a tender and genuine kind person.

Archie joined the 75th Ranger Regiment in respect of his father and to help people in need. He joined in late 1998. Passing his testing and training with unseen excellence than other people. This was because of what the testing did to him as a child.

Because Frank wanted Jack to become the ultimate killing machine. To make sure when the time came, Jack would of been ready to take on Rapture when he activated him. Thus in a way making Jack some what of a living weapon.

Something that even his commanders were so shocked at his excellence that they questioned if he was human. With some of them being strangely terrified that he never showed attitude, never showed off, or anything that a normal rookie would of done. Nearly everyone treated with him respect despite their disbelief that any human can train like that.

When joining the US Army Rangers, this enhanced Archie’s status as a weapon. Thus making him even more of a force of nature. Reserving his extreme emotions but not becoming emotionless. At the age of 21, he became a sergeant.

Because of Johnny, Jack now as Archie became more than Frank would of ever done for him.

Archie became a force of nature. Unbreakable, raw, incorruptible, loyal to a fault, and unyielding. What was supposed to be a sleeper agent became a legitimate super soldier.

Yet despite all that. Archie was an outcast.

Despite Brigid trying to make sure his original programming didn’t work. If, “Would you kindly” was said to him. His head would start hurting. Almost like a migraine or headache. If the phrase was said more. His mindset would start getting worse. Starting to remember things and being confused of what’s going on. 

Seeing things such as faces, including Andrew Ryan, Frank Fontaine, and other things. 

The, “Code Yellow” command was still intact. Yet more raw now if it was mentioned. Because Yi and Fontaine only knew about it.

1998 to 2001: Atlas begins to start giving the poorer citizens of Rapture a voice. The tensions between the social classes begin to rise. Including with ADAM becoming more of a problem now due to addiction. Especially with later down the line Ryan nationalizing Fontaine Futuristics. Which causes Bill to resign. But afterwards, Atlas convinces Bill to join his rebellion in secret.

2000 to 2001:  Sofia Lamb was arrested after Ryan finds out she is a Collectivist and spreading her beliefs to people in Rapture. Eleanor Lamb was put in the care of Grace Holloway. But after finding out Stanley Poole was a spy for Andrew Ryan. He had Eleanor kidnapped and turned into a Little Sister. She spent time in the Little Sister Orphanage and was under the care of Dr. Gil Alexander. She is later paired with Subject Delta. They form the first pair bond between Little Sister and Big Daddy.

Over time the pair bond between the Alpha series and Little Sisters worked too well. If a Little Sister were to die. The remaining Alpha Big Daddy would be left to be aggressive. Because of this, it was decided to go for a more generic, but versatile route for the protectors for the Little Sisters.

Which results in the creations of other Big Daddies such as the Bouncer and Rosie models. That were still construction workers. But now having to protect a Little Sister. The pairing process was different. With now adopting being a thing.

But also during this time. Sinclair started to realize the error of his ways and tried to better himself. Especially with Rapture slowly falling apart.

Charles Milton Porter is framed by Reed Wahl with a recording of Porter siding with Atlas. Porter comes up with a back up plan if he were to become a Big Daddy and manages to message Brigid before being taken away. Who was the only person Brigid could safely come into contact with because they are good friends. 

2002: On New Year’s Eve, Atlas leads an attack that starts the Rapture Civil War. Which also scars Diane who after some time joins Atlas and his cause. Including Daisy Fitzroy joins as well. Becoming in a way Atlas’s 2nd in command.

Yet also during this, Sofia Lamb a month earlier escapes prison during an uprising. To finally get Eleanor away from Delta. Which she succeeds in doing so. Yet during this, Sofia discovers the original WYK plans and the experiments of speeding up a child's age. Which she plans to use on Eleanor and any Little Sisters she may catch. But for what she thinks is the common good.

But during this because he no longer has Jack. Frank no longer has a back up plan. Andrew is winning this civil war. The city is slowly falling apart. While some areas are still populated. Other parts of the city have gone dark. Making them a paradise for Splicers. Despite some Splicers and others would get into more better areas.

In June 2002, Atlas becomes desperate that he decides to make a distress call to the surface. His plan is to trick anyone that would come into helping him into rescuing Elizabeth and taking over Rapture. With making false promises to call the US government to take in Andrew Ryan and anything else.

In Georgia, the Army Rangers get the distress call and are deployed quickly. When their aircraft gets near the location. They are confused it’s in the middle of the ocean but there’s a mysterious lighthouse.

Seeing this, Andrew fires down the aircraft using a special heat seeking missile that can be fired from the city. This causes the aircraft to crash and there is only one survivor. 

Surprisingly for Atlas and others by chance. That survivor was his original, “Ace In The Hole” Jack. Now known as Sergeant Archie Wynand.

The story of Bioshock Rebirth happens. Which results in Archie finding out who he really is. Along with other things. Leading up to Archie killing a half ADAM powered Atlas/Frank Fontaine by stabbing him in the chest with a syringe to suck the ADAM out of him. Then hanging him from a roof. Ultimately killing  Effectively ending the Rapture Civil War once and for all.

During this, Sofia’s influence becomes stronger. With, “The Rapture Family” slowly rising in power and to make Eleanor, “The People’s Daughter”. As of now because of the sped up aging, Eleanor is 17 years old. 

After the events of Bioshock Rebirth. The Vox Populi are formed. A reformation of what Atlas had done. 

Two months later in August 2002.

Rapture is in a better state. With the Vox trying to make it in a better place to live in. With a community that would help each other. But Andrew Ryan has gone into hiding and is nowhere to be found. While the Vox led by Daisy Fitzroy and Bill Mcdonagh try to capture and find certain people in Rapture to emprison them. Such as Yi Suchong, Booker Dewitt, Sander Cohen, and whoever else considered to be a criminal that doesn’t wanna change.

Including during these events, Subject Delta is brought back to life by Eleanor through the help of the Little Sisters. With also Eleanor contacting Brigid to help aid in undoing the psychological conditioning imprinted imprinted in Delta’s mind when he was a Big Daddy. The plan works well and Delta meets Brigid and others.

Soon, Sofia does a hostile takeover a Rapture. With, “The Rapture Family” and the, “Vox Populi” going to war. But the Big Sisters turn the tide of it. With the Vox’s secret weapons being Sgt. Archie Wynand, Elizabeth Comstock, and Subject Delta.

Sofia demonizes Delta but also calling Archie, “The Demon Of Rapture” because of his actions and his own birth. Because most people in Rapture know of his existence as, “The Prodigal Son”. Sofia worries Archie may influence Eleanor. But realizes later on, it’s Delta she needs to worry about.

Sofia has the support of Grace Holloway(Who then joins the Vox after realizing who Archie really is and seeing Delta isn’t a monster), Stanley Poole, Gil Alexander(Who is now possibly Alex The Great), but also Ava Tate. A seductive woman who made propaganda films for Andrew Ryan. Along with being one of Sander Cohen’s colleagues. But also Sofia’s right hand woman. 

But because of Sofia’s hostile takeover. Because of the old programming. Archie starts seeing hallucinations of Atlas using his Irish accent. Haunting the young man and trying to get him to certain things. Such as killing Suchong and Sofia Lamb when he shouldn’t. Or other things that weren’t exactly right.

This is because the PTSD is finally catching up to Archie. 

During this because Little Sisters were running low. A Big Sister was able to go to the sister and take some girls away from the surface. Which leads a man named Mark Meltzer to search for his daughter. But also the surface possibly may try to search for Rapture. Considering now little girls who going missing.

After a exhausting journey to get Eleanor back. Because of Delta’s kindness to not kill but save the Big Sisters. When they sense him being in danger after Sofia suffocates Eleanor. They come back and attack Sofia’s base of operations. Saving Elizabeth, Brigid, Daisy, other Little Sisters, Archie, Delta, and Eleanor.

Even after everything she’s done and Rapture being almost revealed to the surface. Eleanor lets Sofia live so can begin a long road of redemption. Despite how others may look at it differently. Delta lives, and Archie with the help of Elizabeth, Brigid, and even Eleanor and Delta. The Atlas hallucination that has been haunting him is gone that week is gone.

A week after the events. They manage to find Subject Sigma and help him get back the Thinker from Reed Wahl. With Subject Sigma finding out he was Charles Milton Porter and later on letting go of his late wife Pearl. With Porter being turned back to normal. While Delta is a tricky situation.

It is likely afterwards. Despite helping Rapture becoming a livable place again. Archie and others may of gone back to the surface for a while. But they can visit Rapture still. 

But during the ending part of the Rapture Family vs the Vox Populi. Ava Tate had escaped to the surface. While Stanley Poole was later killed by Booker Dewitt. 

[omoi-no-hoka]

Would you say studying Japanese as a major at University is mandatory to find a good job in Japan? I am currently studying International Economic Communication (M.A.) and studying Japanese by myself. Already been in Japan but just for volunteer work and some internships. Do you have any experience with job seekers in Japan who didn't study Japanese but something else and who were successful?

Thank you for your ask! This is a great question. 

The answer depends entirely on what sort of job you want to have in Japan. 

Short Answer: 

If you intend to work in a Japanese-heavy setting or in a job that requires specific language skills such as translation, YES, you must study Japanese beforehand.

If you intend to work in an English-heavy setting, probably not.

Long Answer:

For those who want to teach English in Japan

Speaking from my own experience, I double-majored in Japanese and English. My Japanese levels still weren’t proficient enough for me to work in a predominantly Japanese setting when I moved here though, so I worked at an Eikaiwa (English conversation school) for 3 years while studying Japanese at night. I passed the N1 after two years of studying, and then did additional studying every day for the next year after that. And now I’m a Japanese-English translator. 

The vast majority of foreigners living in Japan do not study Japanese before coming here. They get jobs at Eikaiwas, where the classrooms are often English-only and their coworkers speak English, so Japanese isn’t a necessity. Most of these workplaces understand that your life outside of work will be impacted by your lack of Japanese (unable to read bills and notices, not sure how to do things at the city hall, going to the doctor, etc.), and you will likely have at least one person at work that will assist you. If you’re really lucky, you’ll nab a kind Japanese boyfriend/girlfriend that will help you too lol. 

The other good thing about most Eikaiwa is that they tend not to have overtime and the teaching itself isn’t very mentally draining. Most of the time they’ll have a curriculum already drawn up for you and you just kinda follow the blueprint. So this means that you should have time and energy to study Japanese on your own. 

So if your dream is to teach English in an Eikaiwa, no, you don’t need to study Japanese. Quite a few of my coworkers showed up with absolutely zero knowledge of Japanese other than “domo arigato mister roboto” lol. 

Now, if it is your intention to become an English teacher in a private high school, junior high, or elementary school, YES, you MUST be fluent in Japanese. Though I will be very frank with you, these jobs are exceptionally rare and due to visa sponsorship issues, private schools will be much more likely to hire a Japanese person over you if you do not have Japanese citizenship or a spousal visa. Also, Japanese teachers arguably have it rougher than their American counterparts in terms of overtime and workload. Again, arguably. 

I can dive deeper into the topic of teaching in Japan and the Japanese education system if people are interested, but for now I’ll leave it at that. 

For those who want to do something other than teaching

Having been born in America, I have grown up communicating with people whose native language wasn’t the same as mine, who were still learning English, or who didn’t know it at all. It is easy for me to sympathize and empathize with foreigners who have moved to a new country, because I have interacted with them for forever, and I became one lol.

But Japan is an extremely homogeneous country. As of the end of 2018, foreign residents in Japan accounted for a measly 2.0% of the population. TWO. TWO PERCENT. That’s an INCREASE from the year before. And I’m guessing that most of them are where the action is, around Tokyo and Osaka. 

This means that the average Japanese person (and by extension, the average Japanese workplace, city/government establishments, post office, etc.) doesn’t understand what it’s like to live in a country without speaking the language, and they do not cater to you as Americans do. This isn’t to say that the average Japanese person is callous; they simply haven’t had to consider these things.

Just a couple examples of things I experienced that I found unbelievable as an American:

The Hokkaido Immigration Bureau staff speak only Japanese. Forms are only in Japanese, with English in tiny print beside it. You better hope you can speak Japanese or you can bring someone who can speak it when you go there. FOR IMMIGRATION. FOR THINGS SPECIFICALLY FOREIGNER-RELATED. Hokkaido is rural, so I hope Tokyo is different?

Don’t even get me started on the hoops I had to jump through when I moved here. Couldn’t rent an apartment until I had a bank account. Couldn’t open a bank account until I had a phone. Couldn’t get a phone until I had a bank account. And around and around we go. The system wasn’t designed with people starting fresh in this country in mind, and it really, REALLY shows.

So, if you intend to work in a workplace full of Japanese people, where you are a decided minority, you need to have a good handle on the language not only for your 9-5, but also to navigate your life outside of work. I’m lucky that all of my coworkers are nice and they’ll give me a hand if I ask for it, but a lot of times they can’t anticipate what I will need assistance with and what I can handle on my own. 

“Good lord, I get it. I need to learn Nihongo. But do I need to major in Japanese in order to succeed in my work life and private life?”

Not generally, no.

Again, this really depends on the field you want to go into and the level of linguistic accuracy your job requires. I work for a software company. My translations do not affect the safety/well-being of anyone like they would if I were translating something in, say, the fields of medicine or law. My company was just psyched that I was reasonably fluent in Japanese, and a Japanese major/JLPT N1 was not required. 

If your desired field is highly technical, you will likely be asked to prove your Japanese proficiency with an N2 or N1, as well as a practical test during your interview, both verbal and written. Again, having majored in Japanese will please your potential employers, but isn’t strictly necessary. The emphasis isn’t on your diploma, but on what you can actually do. 

An employer will be much more likely to ask for a JLPT N2 or N1 certificate instead of a degree in Japanese. So even if you don’t major in Japanese, I do recommend that you strive to attain at least N2. 

“Okay, so if I don’t study Japanese in uni, how can I get proficient enough in Japanese?”

I have two ideas for you.

Get an easy job like teaching at an Eikaiwa and teach yourself/pay for private night lessons.

Graduate from uni, come to Japan, and attend a Japanese language school for 6 months to a year before seeking employment.

Option 1, as I detailed above, is not impossible. But self-study requires a lot of discipline and progress is slower than classes. And private lessons can get very expensive very quickly. 

My good friend whom I got hired on as a translator for another project within my company is from the UK and studied a science field completely different from what his current job entails. He took path number 2. He studied at a language school for 6 months or a year, worked at an Eikaiwa for 5 years, and his Japanese proficiency is comparable to mine. 

The Japanese language school can be a bit expensive, but there is nothing better than learning the language in the country and you will be amazed by the speed with which you gain proficiency. 

If you choose not to major in Japanese and if you have the funds, I recommend enrolling in a Japanese language school. If you don’t have the funds, at least minor in Japanese and then bust your butt.

Summary

I feel like I really rambled a lot here, but there is no clear-cut answer. The low down is: 

Unless you are going for a very specific language-related job, most employers don’t care if you’ve majored in Japanese. They’re just happy if you can speak and read it well.

If Japanese is important to your job, you may be asked to provide a JLPT N2 or N1 certificate so I do recommend you obtain one.

Spending 6 months to a year in a language school in Japan is a great way to become fluent in a short amount of time without majoring in the language. 

[barkjunhee]

Honestly the way Europe and North America is falling in the face of COVID-19 just shows the arrogance of a colonialist mind-set. The reason it is getting so bad over here is because we were too late to take action. Our governments refused to believe that a virus from a less developed country could possibly affect us so refused to disrupt every-day life until its already out of control. 

I was in Thailand just over a month ago when the whole thing was just starting, as soon as it did everyone in Thailand started wearing masks, if you took a taxi the driver would text you beforehand to ask you take precautions. Flights to China were cancelled within a week. And guess what? They only have 1 covid-related death and less than 100 cases to date, half of which have already recovered. Plus their shops are still fully stocked and most people are able to continue on as normal after making just a few minor amendments to their daily lives. Countries like South Korea are testing everyone they can thats why their confirmed cases are so many, whilst places like the UK and US are not even testing those that have been in category 1 zones so it just keeps spreading.

[the-quiet-winds]

Close Enough to Start a War (part one)

i’m back. @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts is back (this was her idea, and it kind of developed from there). 

like, reblog, do all that nice stuff. this is part one of two. 

[Part 1: When the Thunder Calls]

the queens had not long started their second european tour and were currently stationed in paris, so none of them were aware of the documentary that had aired the night before back in the UK. that is, not until boleyn walks into the kitchen where the other queens are sitting having breakfast, frowning at her phone.

“did anyone else wake up tagged in a bunch of tweets about some documentary?” she asks. the others share puzzled looks before they reach for their own phones.

jane glances at her (rarely used) twitter. she had indeed been tagged in hundreds of tweets about a documentary, apparently by some guy called Professor Steven Redbridge, where he claimed to reveal the true story of Henry VIII’s wives.

“i don’t know why they still keep doing these,” cleves comments, raising an eyebrow at her own phone. “I mean, they could just ask us what it was like.”

“maybe we should give it a watch?” offers parr. she feels she knows what’s coming - another bland retelling of the six of them, basic facts about who they were, what they did, how they died.

plain, simple, dry.

boy, was she wrong.

“Henry’s first wife,” redbridge introduces that afternoon, the queens all seated on the couches and chairs in their rented space, “was Catherine of Aragon, the daughter of Isabella and Ferdinand, the famous Spanish rulers who sent Columbus on his great quest to America.”

“at least he got that right,” grumbles aragon.

“Catherine of Aragon was primarily known as a devout member of the Christian faith, whom, once Henry was bewitched by Anne Boleyn, was sent off to a nunnery, the seemingly perfect place for someone as faithful as she.”

“when will people realise that there’s a big difference between christian faiths!” aragon glares at the tv. “i’m catholic. that’s really quite important to the whole story of england. besides, i didn’t just go.” meanwhile boleyn, who was squashed between cleves and jane on the couch that really was only big enough for two people, had her nose scrunched questioningly.

“he means ‘bewitched’ in a metaphorical sense, right?”

“catherine had given henry a daughter,” Redbridge continues, “but henry needed a son. could he find that with the beautiful anne, a shrewd political strategist who schemed for the crown?”

that last line caught everyone off guard.

“shrewd?” boleyn challenges.

“strategist?” asks parr.

“schemed?” cleves quips.

“anne boleyn, daughter of the french court, came to england in hopes of usurping the english crown from an unsuspecting catherine of aragon,” redbridge says smartly.

aragon throws a handful of popcorn at the tv. “that’s not true!” boleyn felt almost a bit of gratitude at aragon defending her.

“anne, meanwhile,” redbridge continues, “had her ways of enchanting henry. many reports claim that anne was not only a gorgeous french woman, but a witch.” he points to the base of his hand. “sometimes a sixth finger can come in handy.”

boleyn looks down at her hands, nearly in tears. all of the queens knew that, while she made a joke about it on stage, she is secretly very embarrassed about the abnormality, one that may have caused her death.

jane puts her hand on boleyn’s arm to comfort her. “turn it off,” she says to parr, who has the remote. “we don’t need to watch this rubbish.”

“it’s okay,” boleyn swallows slightly, blinking back tears. “i want to see how ridiculous they can get.” she sniffs and rubs her eyes angrily with her fists. “i’m not even proper french, let alone a witch.”

katherine, who is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch, resting her back against the space next to jane’s legs, turns to look at her cousin, concerned, and boleyn sends her a watery grin, mouthing “i’m fine,” even though her eyes are still filled with tears.

“anne, however, couldn’t bewitch the king forever,” redbridge speaks. “after anne gives birth to a daughter, henry’s eyes start to wander, and soon his attentions turn to jane seymour, lady-in-waiting to the queen.”

“this ought to be interesting,” jane mumbles. she feels a weight against her leg and looks down; katherine was leaning her head against her knee. with a soft smile, jane lets a hand fall to slowly and absently play with katherine’s hair.

“there’s a reason,” redbridge says, drawing jane’s attention back to the screen, “that many people forget about the third wife. jane was very drastically different from her predecessors. where catherine and anne we’re larger than life figures, bold and unique, jane was demure, soft-spoken, and said to be very maternal.”

jane realizes that her spot may not be so bad, until redbridge speaks again.

“she is best known for her son, edward, and for dying immediately after.” he looks upward with a laugh. “ol’ jane seymour, if you’re up there, i hope you’re doing more than you did down here.”

jane can feel katherine practically start seething and she immediately tries to soothe her by running her fingers through katherine’s hair. the words sting jane as much as she tries not to let it affect her; mostly because, unlike the other queens, she fears redbridge was right about her. that was her legacy, wasn’t it? giving henry his son and then dying?

her thoughts continue even through redbridge’s next narration. “once jane died, henry moved on very quickly, finding love with the beautiful woman he saw in a portrait. when his new bride Anne of Cleves arrived in England, however, henry realises he’d been tricked. the woman he was marrying was the spitting image of a horse.” the editors included the sound effect of a horse whinnying to accompany his words.

cleves ‘humphs’. “the editing is taking it a little too far.” she pauses and smirks. “at least the horse is better looking than scraggly-beard over here.”

the ladies quietly chuckle at this as redbridge begins the next narration.

“Katherine Howard,” he states. jane feels kat stiffen slightly and begins to slowly play with her hair again.

“...was a young girl from England, only around sixteen upon marrying the king.” he pauses for effect. “this may sound horrifying and traumatic but believe me, it was just her plan.”

“my plan?” katherine repeats, quietly and incredulously.

“ever since she was a child, Katherine was known to bewitch more boys that Boleyn, enjoying lustful affairs with men much older than she. she was brought to court as a lady-in-waiting to Anne of Cleves, and immediately began her attempts to woo the king, the seductive temptress in his own court.”

katherine’s blood runs cold as the words wash over her. she didn’t “enjoy” any affairs, she didn’t even want any of them. she feels the hot tears threatening to spill from her eyes, and almost unconsciously she whispers, “i was a child.”

redbridge doesn’t stop there, however. “the young seductress soon had the king in the palm of her hand and he married her, but despite all katherine’s planning and manipulation, she wasn’t clever enough to conceal her affair of passion with the courtier thomas culpeper.”

katherine stiffens at hearing culpepper's name, everything getting worse by the minute. what happened with him was based from anything but passion. she can vaguely feel jane's hand weaving through her hair, but it doesn't seem real.

"the two were tragic as romeo and juliet - brought down by a forbidden affair," redbridge says wistfully, before becoming pedantic once again. "once the seductress was found out, no one could stop the warpath henry went on. he executed culpepper first, even though he claimed being unable resist katherine's advantages, before beheading the temptress herself." he chuckles despite himself, then lightens his tone. "well at least she didn't die a virgin - that's better than i can say for some of my friends."

parr stands up and switches the tv off. “i think that’s enough of that,” she says firmly. “i can guess the type of things he’s going to say about me, and i don’t think any of us need to listen to this any longer.”

katherine doesn’t even hear her, lost in what redbridge had said. is this what people would believe? did they believe it already? her breathing rapidly becomes shallow and panicked, and she doesn’t even notice being lifted from the floor and being placed on jane’s lap until jane wraps her arms around her, rubbing a gentle hand against her back and trying to soothe her with soft words. katherine’s head falls sideways against jane’s shoulder and she can’t even stop the tears that stream down her face.

"what a load of bullshit," cleves hisses. "i don't know what books he was reading, but he couldn't have been more wrong if he tried."

boleyn reaches over and pats katherine's shoulder awkwardly, parr lightly strokes her hair, and aragon starts swearing in spanish. jane continues her light ministrations across katherine's back.

katherine, however, feels too many hands on her, so full of panic and distrust that she can't help but try to escape. all she can think about is getting away from them, as supportive and lovely as they were, and doing it fast.

she throws her hands out.

the heel of her palm connects with something, and that something would turn out to be jane's nose.

katherine, had she been in her right mind, would have recognized immediately what had happened, seeing the blood beginning to drip from jane's nose, but instead, she simply jumps up and runs up to her room, slamming the door and locking it shut.

she curls up on the floor in the very corner of her room, knees drawn up to her chest as she rocks slightly. her breathing gets more and more erratic until she’s hyperventilating. those words from the documentary keep running through her mind. temptress, seductress, bewitching, part of her plan... that was what people saw when they looked at her story. the harlot who seduced the king and then committed adultery, that’s all she was to the public. they didn’t hear the screams of her nightmares, or see the figures looming above her, or feel the panic when any man approaches her.

she can see spots in front of her eyes and feels her nails dig into her shins and that tightness in her chest as her breathing keeps getting quicker and quicker until it stops altogether.

katherine's body unfurls as she passes out, her back landing solid against the wall with a loud thump, the last thing on her mind is an executioner's blade before it all goes blank.

[dailyaudiobible]

04/27/2020 DAB Transcript

Judges 7:1-8:17, Luke 23:13-43, Psalms 97:1-98:9, Proverbs 14:7-8

Today is the 27th day of April, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it’s wonderful to be here with you today as we gather together. No matter where we are in the world we gather together around this Global Campfire and be together, allow God to speak to us through His word, let everything else go. It’s wonderful to be in this place together with you today. So, I mean in the next step forward is the one that comes after the last step. And, so, we’re working our way through the book of Judges right now and we’re in one of the longer stories of the judges, the story of Gideon. We’re reading from the Common English Bible this week. Judges chapter 7 verse 1 through 8 verse 17.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Judges we’re reading through though the story of Gideon and it's a pretty famous story but it's, you know, it’s one of the longer stories of the judges in Israel. And, so, we’ve already gone through who is Gideon and how God came to him and said you…you know, he's gonna use him to set the people free from the Midianites and the testing and the assembling of the Army and all of this. So, Gideon has 32,000 people. And, so…like…that’s a lot of people. It may not have been anywhere near as big as the Midianite army that was coming but that’s enough people to do some damage with and to put up a good fight with. And, so, we see the counterintuitive ways of the Lord in like, “there's too many people. If I had the Midianites over into your hand then…then you'll say you did it by your own strength. And that's not what's going on here. I am setting you free from the Midianites.” And we can see that this is true from our reading alone. Like, after the battle has happened and people are chasing the Midianites and everything then some of the tribes come to Gideon and they’re like, “why didn’t you take us into battle”, right? So, it was all about this glory. And, of course, Gideon's like, “what have I done? Like, you're doing more than I ever did.” So, he's calming them all down. But we can see that when God stripped the Army down and whittled it down further that he was right, they would've tried to take the glory for themselves. So, he invites anybody who was afraid basically to leave the mountain and 22,000 of the 32,000 leave which leaves Gideon 10,000. And, so, like that whittles things down considerably but that's still too many for God. So, in the end the fighting force is 300 people against a vast horde and according to what we read today that vast horde was over 100,000 people. So, 300 against that much of a horde of armed people, like that is not…like you wouldn't say like, “yeah…that…those are good odds. That's…you should…you should go to battle”, right? It's more like, “this is a suicide mission.” And we see these counterintuitive ways of God in so many of the stories of the Bible. So, the 300 people, like when it all starts, they are able to, you know, kind of raise torches and blow trumpets and smash vases and make a lot of noise and scream and yell. And because these 300 people have surrounded the camp the people inside the camp have no idea that…all they know is that they're being attacked. And it…and no one would attack an army like that with three hundred people. Like this is a big attack. And, so they get up and just start fighting…fighting each other. Everything is thrown into disarray. They start fleeing and we’ve seen these kinds of things in many different battles on our journey through the Scriptures so far this year. So, why not the battles that we face? Why wouldn't God be counterintuitive so that we couldn't raise our own flag and say look at what I did?

And if we want to talk like counterintuitive ways of getting things done, then let's just flip over into what we read in the gospel of Luke today because again we read the story of the crucifixion, like the final judgment and the crucifixion of our Savior. And again, it's so easy, but really…I mean…because it's so well-known, we've heard in a million times, maybe read it 100,000 times…like whatever…we…we've been through this story so many times that it's very easy to just move beyond it, kind of know the end of the story, kinda know what's gonna happen. And we don't necessarily have to focus on the fact that, yeah, Jesus was crucified…crucified. That's just an unthinkable form of execution. It's just so completely counterintuitive. The most-high God could to anything, could destroy the world in a second, could create things into being out of nothing. The all-powerful most-high God, this is how He chose to humble Himself. Like this…this is such a profound outpouring of love that it is like impossible for our minds to even comprehend it. This is the lengths God is willing to go to to get to us and it's very counterintuitive because in the end He left us reaching for Him in faith in what looked like defeat. He could've done this differently. He could’ve just road in and took over the world. This is the most-high God, who created the world and everything else, both known and unknown, like can whatever He wants to do and this is what He chose. And, so, let's not expect anything different but a counterintuitive creative God working in among His people, including us individually to do victorious things in counterintuitive ways.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that because we like linear. We like predictable. I raise my hand. I raise my other hand. I like things to make sense. I like to know a predictable outcome. We generally do like this and try to arrange for that. And yet, through the stories of the Scriptures we see You continually working in very very interesting unconventional ways. So, why would we expect that would stop even in times like this? So come Holy Spirit, may we hear and see Your movements, may we attain what we've been asking for all along, eyes to see and ears to hear, that we might see what You are doing in the world, that we might see what You are doing in our lives. We open ourselves to Your transformation. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the powerful and mighty name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

[johnmauldin]

The Post-Virus New Normal

I don’t think anyone believes we will go to back to anything like January 2020 normalcy anytime soon. We have no idea, even if restaurants and everything open, what shopping patterns will look like.

Are we learning to live on less in our isolation? Seeing your 401(k) become a 201(k) may postpone a car-buying decision or two.

My daughter (see below) works for a cheerleading gymnastics company. Nationwide this is a multi-hundred-million-dollar industry. Will they just open back up and expect all the girls go back on day one? Will their parents be able to afford it? We’re talking many tens of thousands of jobs. Personal trainers? Many jobs will be under pressure.

There are 47,000 retail stores just in the U.S. We already knew there were too many as closings were becoming more frequent. My friend Professor Michael Pettis in Beijing (who has lived there for 20+ years) has been documenting the return of life in Beijing. He sees people on the streets but not many in the shops, except where the young go to hang out rather than buy. Will that be the case in America and Europe?

Speaking of stores, many have already stopped paying their rent. Cheesecake Factory for one. Ryanair, EasyJet and British Airways have stopped paying most rents and vendors. Group 1 Automotive reports a 50% to 70% decline in March sales across its 428 dealerships in the U.S. and the UK. The company has laid off 3,000 U.S. employees and 2,800 UK employees.

How fast do we start traveling and vacationing again? That matters to hotels, airlines and their employees. I believe this experience will emotionally scar a generation. It is going to make the political divide even worse, especially along wealth and income lines.

The U.S. and other governments can artificially prop up GDP, but for how long? At some point, it really does start affecting the currency’s buying power. We just don’t know what that point is in the developed world.

The Federal Reserve has properly opened swap lines with many emerging markets, as they need dollars in order to pay bills and buy necessary supplies. But many of their citizens are going to want a “safer” fiat currency.

I think many emerging markets will enact capital controls sooner rather than later. That will really screw with their markets. But what else can they do?

Next month’s earnings season will be truly abysmal. Close to half of S&P 500 profits come from outside the U.S. Every business is going to have a new valuation.

It is just my guess, but I doubt we have seen the stock market bottom yet.

Let me close with some good news.

Even though the number of deaths is rising in the U.S. and the developed markets every day, the rate of increase is slowing in many places. I think we will see a giant collective sigh of relief when the infection and death rates are not only dropping but the drop is accelerating.

That will be the time to think about gradually getting back into the markets. Meanwhile, maintain your watchlist of things you want to buy at cheaper prices.

Let me leave you with this link to a letter from F. Scott Fitzgerald during his quarantine during the Spanish flu virus. It is a short read but poignant, except for these humorous few sentences:

“The officials have alerted us to ensure we have a month’s worth of necessities. Zelda and I have stocked up on red wine, whiskey, rum, vermouth, absinthe, white wine, sherry, gin, and lord, if we need it, brandy. Please pray for us.”

This quarantine is so very real, and some are rightfully very worried for their future. Will their jobs even exist? Others are seeing their work hours rise due to the “essential” nature of their jobs, but how long will that last?

I do know that we will adjust and that we will all Muddle Through. I will be with here with you.

We are all being forced to adjust to a New Normal. And one day -- although it seems far away -- it will become a Post-Virus New Normal. It will be one where friends and family will still be as important as ever.

The Great Reset: The Collapse of the Biggest Bubble in History

New York Times best seller and renowned financial expert John Mauldin predicts an unprecedented financial crisis that could be triggered in the next five years. Most investors seem completely unaware of the relentless pressure that’s building right now. Learn more here.

[wildermouse]

i don’t know if i’m changing or if i just haven’t hit a low in a while and maybe it’s just lurking around the corner but lately i don’t feel happy but i also don’t feel like offing myself either. i’m working full-time so i don’t feel like i’m doing nothing (although i should still be doing so much more) and i’ve kinda just accepted that spending time with friends isn’t something that’s gonna happen more than once every 2-3 months while i live here on this island so i’m not worrying about it. i’m getting back into the elven/fantasy aesthetic and also more traditional celtic & viking too. i’m slowly revamping my wardrobe to fit the theme, purchasing one or two (expensive 😖) hand-made pieces each paycheque. on my work breaks i either walk on a trail for an hour or i find a secluded spot in the forest and lay down, even when it’s pouring rain, and it feels really nice to get back to my roots (literally) and connect with nature more.  i’m still depressed, and the seasonal affective disorder has also hit hard, but because i have to be out of the house the majority of the day i’m not rotting and withering in my bed for weeks on end. i hardly have energy to do anything, even leave my bed, before & after work and even on the weekends i find it hard to do anything, but i guess it’s better than before. i feel very alone still, but it’s not as crippling as before either. 

since i’ve booked my flight to england i have something to look forward to and it helps me get through each work week. everything is still up in the air and i don’t know how long i’ll be gone or where i’ll be going, but i know it’ll be a mighty adventure. i’ve been so back-and-forth with what my next big step in life is - either buying a van to live in & travel north america, or move to europe and eventually do the same, but at this moment i can confidently say i chose europe, and i want to start working toward making that happen. i don’t know whether to au pair or to maybe find a different job, maybe involving horses or wildlife? i really have no idea how to start. if anyone has moved to the uk or ireland from north america i would love to hear about your process!