#i had started archiving my blogs earlier this year and looks like i was wise to do so

[ardate]

I just learned Skyblog, massive french blogging platform from Back In The Day, is closing down today at midnight.

It sure is the end of an era, a very important one for me as it was one of my first experiences online, for fandom and personal stuff...

A chapter is ending and it's definitely more bitter than sweet, though it comes to nobody’s surprise. Can't just keep all this up for old time's sake.

[otp-armada]

A Time Capsule

I’ve been lurking across several fandoms spanning a decade now, since my days of reading “Bones” fanfics on fanfiction.net. Before any inkling of Ao3’s existence. Maybe longer, my memory is murky at times.

I’ve never made a splash in any fandom, so to speak. I’ve always been content to stand shrouded in anonymity, residing on the edges of fandom, never an active participant. Perfectly at peace to never have a voice. Never brave enough to want to be heard. It has only been in the last few years that I discovered Tumblr and felt comfortable enough in taking advantage of its anon feature to interact mostly with The 100/Bellarke crowd, “conversing” with one user in particular. In the instances I chose to speak, there was safety in knowing my words never had an identity attached. A safety that lent itself to sending anon asks a fairly common activity until I wrote one recently sharing a remnant of my “The 100” viewing experience. The warm response from the users who read it left me smiling for the rest of the day. Their reply took a direction I didn’t expect. They encouraged me to take credit for my words under my username, which of course, I didn’t have, not being a Tumblr user.

I was flattered by the response, bolstering me to continue the line of conversation with another ask and was met with reiterated sentiments.

In the wise words of one of those awesome people,

“I was the ultimate lurker for a long, long time. I had a Tumblr account for four years before I ever made a single post, and even then I had to be talked into it. And you know what? When I finally starting “talking,” it was so freeing! Even if no one else was listening, even if I was speaking into the void, I was no longer dependent on anyone else to share my thoughts and opinions. I could do that myself.”

I took the compliment but waived the advice. Tumblr is made of communities built upon sharing and I have always been unto myself an island. It goes against my shy, introverted nature to take part in a community. I have no business pretending I have a place there. None at all.

And yet, despite my misgivings, the idea wouldn’t leave me as I believed it would. I started to genuinely ponder the merits of creating a blog.

There are strong reasons to support the affirmative.

First, the utilitarian benefits. In the absence of a blog, I turned to alternative methods of archiving appealing posts. If by some miracle, the item count of my browser reading list hasn’t yet ascended to the thousands mark, it most assuredly rests in the hundreds. My camera roll queue has indubitably reached the thousands count, currently sitting pretty at 3,300. I shudder to think of the sheer number of my bookmarks. One hundred and eighty notes on my phone. The final frontier has been broken, at last, habitually inundating my laptop with screenshots. Long has it been overdue to clean house.

Second, I find writing to be a herculean undertaking I enjoy in the moments it doesn’t drive me to the brink. A slow-going process, but when I’m able to appreciate the fruits of my labor, marvel at the polished product, I often feel quite proud. Writing is a skill I’ve lost touch with over years of disuse but found incrementally returning while expressing my opinions via Tumblr asks. Like any skill, it can be honed with time and practice. Transferring my streams of consciousness onto written medium challenges me to think critically, ask myself if my POV genuinely holds true or falls apart, requiring further reflection. If nothing else, it’s a good way to process thoughts and emotions. I find it easier than and therefore preferable to oral communication. I am a perpetual editor, always amending my statements which can’t really be done as effectively in speech.

Third, if there was ever a time to join the Tumblr fandom I’ve found a home in for the last three years, why not in time for the show’s last ride? The night I signed up for Tumblr coincided the first day of “The 100” cast and crew filming their 100th and poetically final episode. Around the same space of time, we got a release date and the nostalgic goodbyes of a few cast members rolled in. I know when Bellarke crosses the last threshold, I’d want it plastered all over my dash and I’d be able to make it happen.

But where there are pros, the cons inevitably follow.

Do I really need a further distraction from my responsibilities, spending additional hours and expending more energy I should not spare online? The too easy potential for more hours behind a screen when prone to headaches and horrid habits of not regulating my eating and sleeping schedules? The answer is a clear and resounding “No.” Would maintaining a blog be harmful to my mental and emotional health? Remaining anonymous has historically done a fine job of insulating me from general rebuke, which has mitigated the risk of reproach at least. No corner of the internet can be designated as a safe space. I knew I would in all likelihood have to work diligently to curate and be responsible for my experience, leading me to doubt how the effort could possibly be worth it. How could it be worth feeling exposed, self-conscious? Constantly second-guessing myself, debating whether or not my thoughts are best kept within the privacy of my mind to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes? Combating the periodic skepticism that my thoughts possess value worth writing?

There was always the lingering possibility I was overthinking the decision to my detriment, as is my norm. After all, it seemed silly and dramatic to regard one obscure little blog in a sea of hundreds of millions of social media users as momentous. But I know myself better than that. It is a really fucking big deal for me.

I vacillated between both sides of the argument for days before deciding not to follow through with the venture.

And then one night, a single stray observation ran through my mind. One observation became another, became another and before I knew it, I had formed the grounds for an entire meta post. It didn’t end there. More ideas filtered through. I expanded on those ideas. More traction gained. Another meta formed. More jumping off previous points. Before long, I had mentally written the foundations for four metas. And I was so excited and proud of forming these connections to this puzzle without even trying that I wanted to share it. I sat down to write them in my trusty Notes, outlining, trying to jot the main points down before they fizzled away from memory. I saw how long-winded these spiels had gotten sans the full writeup, subsequently rationalizing…well, not blowing up someone’s inbox is just good manners, isn’t it? And terribly inefficient to boot. More to the point, it seemed a disservice to myself to censor my rumination to fit the small confines of a Tumblr ask box.

The part of me that wanted to push forward envisioned what the future of my blogging efforts may look like. That part knows that this blog is for me and only me. What makes me laugh, what makes me cry. Smile. Rage. Flail. Think. Whatever the hell I want. I get to say what I want, however, I want. It’s incredibly nerve-wracking. It’s also exciting, thrilling, and yes, freeing. The notion of carving out a tiny space for me to fill to the endless brim with whatever brings me joy makes me…really damn happy. It’s not an easy feat to accept and harder to retain. I should be ok, so long as I never forget that I get to be in control of what happens here. It’s within my right to block anyone I don’t want to engage or associate with. It’s my full right to not care what anyone else has to say if I don’t want to. Block out anything negative I don’t want to endure with only a few clicks. If I decide I want to walk away, permanently or otherwise, for any reason, it’s within my right to do that too. It’s comforting.

There was a time when I “knew” I would never sign up for an Ao3 account until one of my favorite authors withdrew the majority of her stories from public consumption. I “knew” I was never going to post commentary until I did. I “knew” my username would never be seen by anyone aside from me, never to be affiliated with my commentary until it was.

I did. Each and every time I thought I would never, I did. I broke my own barriers with patience and some courage. Maybe the most intimidating aspect of something new is simply the beginning. I said earlier that I’ve been an island for nearly as long as I can remember. It’s still true, I don’t expect overnight results. It’s probably going to be true for a long time. Perhaps forever. But maybe it’s all the more reason why I should take this step toward peeking out of my self-imposed shell. Do what scares you, or whatever it is they say.

I wish I could say it was enough to reverse my earlier verdict.

Nope, I had to agonize some more.

What can I say? Fear is a damn powerful inhibitor.

Lo and behold, as if the universe took pity on me, I got the chance to communicate directly with the same awesome lady whom I quoted above and she kindly offered some more merciful wisdom to a truly maddeningly indecisive individual:

“When you create a blog, you are STILL anonymous. You have a username, yes, but it doesn’t lead back to you unless you want it to. You still have your personal privacy. Tumblr isn’t Facebook. If you want to disclose personal information, you can, but you certainly don’t have to.

And second, your blog is for you, not for anyone else. It’s for you to express your own opinions. Or create gifs or other visuals. Or just repost what other people create. You can be on every day, or just once a week. It’s also a great way to save stuff you might want to look at again. And then… and then… when brilliance suddenly hits you, you have somewhere to let it hang out! 😁”

It was much I had already considered, but it helped immeasurably to have my reasoning reaffirmed from an external source I respect. I logged into Tumblr for the first time the very same night.

After much deliberation, an uncharacteristic burst of bravery and a grueling four hours I owe to technological ineptitude, I have, tentatively and cautiously, opted to give this Tumblr thing a go.

With luck, a day will never arrive when I dust this preamble off for a much-needed pep talk. Instead, it is my hope that one day, this memo-to-me will stand as proof that I don’t always need to be afraid of the unknown. Not all endeavors have to be as frightening as they may appear. And if I can apply this attitude to all else suppressing my personal growth, I might just be peachy someday.

Bearing this in mind…

…here we go.

[weracetogether]

The Thunder Rolls and the Lightning Strikes...Riding RAGBRAI Day 1

Day 1 of riding... across a state... with a bunch of strangers (and a surprisingly large number of Pensacola Friends)... When you are not used to sleeping in a tent, on an air mattress, it takes a couple days to adjust. Night 1 in the tent was not great. I was startled awake in the evening by a fun fireworks show at Council Bluffs RAGBRAI. I was startled awake in the morning by a massive thunderstorm. Day 1 is really the best day for inclement weather. Everyone is usually at their best and most rested. Spirits, energy, and patience is all very high. We meandered around the campsite, a harsh "field" the night before that had become a slick mud pit with the rain. Clay-based mud seemed to stick to everything, steal cleat covers (Kevin), and cake on the bottom of cycling shoes. Seriously, we scraped and wiped and cleaned our shoe bottoms for 40 minutes BEFORE we could start to actually clip into our pedals. With the majority of the storm passed, we took off. There was still rain, but the majority of the lightning seemed to be gone. It was supposed to be a 60 mile day with the optional 20 mile gravel loop. SIDE NOTE: I'm going to say "supposed to be" a lot, because our mileage records seemed to be in direct conflict with what we expected EACH day. This was our plan for day 1. Ride the first part of the day, including the gravel loop on our gravel tires. Take the time after the loop to change to our road tires, and push out the rest of the day with ease. For various reasons, the main one being Teresa's bike is able to have a rear rack and panniers (saddle bags), she was the pack mule for the week, so she happily carried everything except my snacks... who am I kidding, she carried my snacks too. Roads were slick so we did see some people loose control and crash hard throughout the morning. We took it easy and chipped away at the mileage before the Gravel Loop. We don't really consider ourselves Gravel riders, but we had trained for a couple months on the closest terrain we could find, at home, in Florida. There were differences.

Pre-gravel beef jerky snack and selfie/groupie.

We pulled up to a couple of guys looking out over the loose gravel rocks on the far side of the railroad tracks in Underwood, IA. It was overcast. I rolled up with apprehension. Teresa was SUPER excited. One guy was saying to the other guy, "I don't know, man." The other guy, wise beyond his bearded years says, and I quote, "Look, ask yourself this...in 10 years are you going to regret NOT doing this?" Apparently, the hesitant dude wasn't that committed, because shortly after Teresa and I started, only the bearded guy passed us. We rode for 3/4 of a mile before we hit the first hill. We knew the loop added some significant elevation, but weren't worried before hand. I slowly climbed that first hill, crested the top, and went barrelling down the other side. HOLY F*!KING SHIT. I literally thought I was going to die. LITERALLY. I came to a stop 1/4 of the way up the next hill, white as the gravel, breathing hard, and cussing like a sailor. Teresa came up beside me grinning like a Cheshire cat as I'm spewing expletives. "There's no F'ing way we're doing this. We're going to die. This is a bad f'ing idea. Shit...." It went on for a couple of minutes. Teresa was visibly disappointed at the possibility of skipping the gravel loop, so I committed to the next hill. We slowly climbed again, crested the top, and went down the other side with me on my brakes with that earlier bearded guy's words rattling around in my head, "...in 10 years are you going to regret NOT doing this?" I need new rear brakes on my road bike, now. To be fair, Teresa checking on me after that hill and I was of the mood - now is NOT the time to try to talk to me. So we kept going. Up slow, down slow - repeat. My mood improved the further we got. Teresa pointed out that she wasn't sure there would be patches for the loop. We later saw signs that implied otherwise, which further improved my mood.

The earned PATCH

We hit the mid-town for the loop, McClelland, just before another storm hit, but they had patches, food, shelter, and good news. It was only 4 miles back to the main route (pavement)! We actually waited for a train to pass before we could venture back onto the payment. But it was worth it. We made the loop uninjured and without bike issues so it was a win. Ultimately, I am glad we did it, but maintain it was BAD idea. We made it back to Underwood, and started changing tires for the remaining 50 miles left in the day. In the middle of a rainy (and now windy) Monday in a small town in Iowa, Bill found us. It's so much fun to have a familiar face in a crowd of strangers.

We actually caught up with Bill (again) and Laura multiple times on Day 1! I think this was Neola or Midden.

Avoca, I needed this.

From Underwood to Marne was kind of miserable because of the constant head-wind, but we did it. We stopped for beer, food (Mr. Porkchop), cinnamon rolls, and pie repeatedly along the way. I was especially excited about water slides in the City of Avoca, of which, video exists. ;)

More pork chop, now... please.

   Teresa looked like she was carrying an octopus with the gravel tires sticking up on top of her rear rack. EVERYONE noticed and commented how bad-ass she was to do the loop. They were right. (I didn't garner as much attention).

To Teresa, by many: You did the gravel loop? And then changed your tires? Bad-ass! (or Awesome!) (or Hardcore!) (or Impressive).

Marne was also a pass-through city in 2001. I'm glad they kept the sign/photo op for 2019.

We made it to Marne, IA. This was the last town before our end-point for day one. We were about 10 miles from our tent and food and anything else that wasn't a bike saddle. We walked up the mountain into Marne and surveyed the Roadhouse Bar and Grill  and party. Good times, but we really wanted to be done for the day, so with another piece of pie we headed back to our bikes. Now is probably a good time to let you in on a little secret. I, Patrick, have a hard time enjoying being on a bike. It baffles both myself and Teresa that I enjoy RAGBRAI so much. With that being said, at this point in our day one, I was over it. I HATE riding in wind. Period. And for the last 50 miles we'd been riding in a steady, signification head-wind, climbing up hill after hill. Seriously. Miserable. No more patience. No more understanding. No more compassion. How Teresa didn't kill me is still a mystery. I picked up my bike and started pushing it toward the main road when I hear Teresa say, "My bike's not rolling." ME -- "Is it operator error or mechanical?" - crickets....I'm sure a venomous stare was boring a hole in my head. We continued down the hill toward the main road. She didn't say anything else so I assumed it was operator error. I hopped on my bike and merged into bike traffic in time to look back and see Teresa try to follow and hop off her bike. "My bike's not rolling. It's not operator error - asshat." Broken spoke. Nice. We headed back up to Marne and met the traveling bike mechanics at Bike World. They were very quick and friendly which always helps. We actually ended up being on a first name basis with them as the week progressed - because Karma I guess. So far as I can remember, it was smooth sailing into Atlantic RAGBRAI.

If you are able, please help us support the Navy SEAL Foundation.

Patrick's Donation Page for Tampa BayFrogman Swim 2020

Patrick & Teresa are actively raising money for the Navy Seal Foundation.   Supporting the Navy Seal Foundation-Frogman Swim 

We've been blogging for a while now. If you enjoyed this one, you may enjoy others. Look though the Blog Archive on the right, for more of our experiences and random thoughts. 

Thank you for your ongoing support of our adventures.  

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[elenajohansenauthor]

Fictober18, Day 7: “No worries, we still have time.”

OCs: Shannon and her mother, who I just realized I neglected to name [fix this tomorrow and add her to the WIP page, future self!]

Project: Untitled paranormal romance for Fictober18, now tagged #spookyromancenovel on my blog

Potential Triggers: none

Word Count: 1,327

About: Shannon has brunch with her mother and talks fashion while simultaneously plotting her next move re: Noah.

I sat across from my mother and tried not to pick at the immaculate white tablecloth as we waited for our tea.

Sunday morning brunch had become a ritual during my high school years. While most of our neighbors were attending church, we would dress in our finest and go somewhere fancy for trendy, gourmet, outrageously priced food that came in portions too small for anyone but the daintiest of ladies.

Which, of course, we were. I'm an inch or two taller than my hummingbird-framed mother, but in our pristine ao dai, with our hair perfectly coiffed and shining blacker than the best ink, we were the perfect picture of traditional Vietnamese beauty.

Mother still was. I, on the other hand, was feeling anything but beautiful that morning, even in my favorite sky-blue ao dai, the one with the lilies on the shoulder. No amount of makeup could hide the signs of my crying fit from the night before, and I knew she'd noticed.

Once our tea was poured and the silent waiter disappeared, she tsked at me. “Are you getting enough sleep?”

Almost never was not an acceptable answer. “I'm trying. I've had a rough week.”

“Oh? With what?” She sipped her tea calmly.

That dig wasn't particularly subtle. My mother understood that I had wanted to follow my magic, and not her business acumen, into adulthood. She even claimed to admire my determination to make the shop a success, and build upon that as a Healer. But that was a dream I'd had to set aside for Noah first, and then for my other clandestine patients. My lack of progression in my chosen field was tantamount to failure, even though I was only twenty-five. Pointing out to my mother than she didn't gain any great fame as a fashion designer until her thirties, when I was out of young childhood and needed less tending, wouldn't get me anywhere.

I loved my mother, despite her cutting remarks about my appearance, my prospects, and everything else. She showed her love in other ways. But we always hit an impasse; though I respected her success and could even be proud of what she'd made of herself, I couldn't help feeling fashion was frivolous. My numbness to my own good looks had been a constant source of strife, growing up. In the world I lived in now, appearances were just about the last thing on my mind; my daily uniform at work was jeans and a pretty blouse or sweater, because I had to look at least pleasant as a good shopkeeper. But my favorite ao dai, sky blue with the lilies, paled in comparison to my mother's sleekly ostentatious version, a wine-red swath of the best silk, with diamonds twinkling on the buttons at the neckline, and a wash of crystal beading swirling down from the collar over the opposite shoulder. One of her own designs, of course. She always included at least one or two forms of traditional Vietnamese dress in each season's new line.

“Inventory, mostly,” I finally answered, “but a few large orders have come in. I'm trying out some new products over the next few weeks.” Which was all true, of course. I just didn't mention the man turning into a gargoyle who happened to be staying with me. Since I hadn't told her about him at the beginning of this nightmare, now, I couldn't tell her until it was over. Especially since he hadn't come home last night, or this morning, while I was getting ready. Hoping he had found someplace safe for the day was not helping me keep calm through brunch.

Time to change the subject, before my lack of job progress became a more general conversation about my lack of basically everything. Financial success. A five-year plan. A boyfriend.

If I had to defend my single state to my mother while Noah was AWOL, I just might crack.

“Have you heard anything more from Aunt Becca about Michelle's wedding?” My cousin's impending marriage was a dangerous topic, but if Mother tried to make it about me, I could point out that Michelle was six years older than I was—getting married at thirty-one wasn't late by general American standards, even if it was close to old-maid status in my family.

She wisely chose to accept my diversionary tactic. “They decided not to postpone because of Becca's cousin's son's wedding being only a month earlier. If the family connection had been closer, it might have looked rude, but the only crossover between the guest lists seems to be Becca's family itself, and if they can't manage only going to one wedding while getting ready for another, then I don't know what they're doing. I hope I won't have to step in and help.”

My mother would make a fierce but hopefully benevolent wedding planner, if invited to at the start. Coming in in the middle? Michelle might be grateful for the help, but Aunt Becca would spit fire.

“Did you still want to design my dress for me?” Of course she did, but I had to ask. “I could make time for some fittings in a few weeks, if you wanted to show me sketches soon.” Because of course she and I had to attend every family wedding in her own original designs. I didn't like fashion in general, but I understood the importance of presenting your brand.

She made a vague, easy motion with one hand. “I've been swamped with last-minute changes to the spring collection. After the show next week, I'll work something up. Any colors you do or don't want? Any particular details?”

I didn't have half the vocabulary for clothing that my mother did, but I was saved from having to answer by the spark of an idea. “No idea yet, but why don't I come to the show and see the new line? Maybe that will give me some inspiration.”

A change came over her face, a softening and brightening that I could only read as honest happiness. “You want to come? You stopped going years ago.”

“Yeah, I do. I'll be honest, I'd forgotten it was so soon, but when you mentioned it—yeah, I want to see it.” And I want to hobnob, to network and see who I can get in my corner. All sorts of people turned up at fashion shows; not just celebrities, but artists and intellectual elites. It was a long shot, but I promised I wouldn't try to hit the Archives without a plan. Making powerful, well-connected friends was the start of that plan.

“Okay, honey, I'll get you on the list. Do you have something to wear? Not something of mine, I mean, that's just not done, but something suitably up-to-date?”

I shook my head with the faintly forlorn expression that had always gotten me a few extra dollars added to my allowance when I needed it.

“Oh, no worries, we still have time. It's not like you need an original, we can go shopping...” She trailed off, consulting the tiny daily planner she always carried. She played puzzle games on her smartphone to relax during rare downtime, but she insisted on the tactile pleasure of handwriting her events and obligations. “Tuesday afternoon? If you don't mind closing the shop, of course.”

Normally that would have been delivered in a tone halfway to command, but this was softer, genuinely questioning.

Mother made time for me every Sunday, no matter what else was going on in her life, no matter how busy her designing kept her—she only missed this weekly date if she was out of the country. Which did happen fairly often, but it's not like I expected her to fly home just to see me.

I could take an afternoon off to make her happy, score a new dress, and get ready to implement my plan.

“Yeah, Mom. I'd like that.”

[the-desolated-quill]

The Day Of The Doctor - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

50 years, huh? Extraordinary.

Going into The Day Of The Doctor, I was already lowering my expectations. Not just because Steven Moffat was writing it, but also because multi-Doctor anniversary specials are generally never very good. Once you get past the novelty of Doctors meeting each other, you quickly realise that the stories are often weaker than a nun’s piss. While The Day Of The Doctor does fare slightly better than previous multi-Doctor stories, there are still a ton of problems with it.

Let’s start with the Doctors themselves. I was a little bit cross that there were no classic Doctors coming back (and no, the Curator doesn’t count). I wouldn’t have minded except apparently Moffat never even asked any of them. Some fans have given the excuse that you can’t use the original actors because they’re not as young as they were, which caused me to scoff and roll my eyes. Patrick Troughton and Jon Pertwee were both considerably older when they returned to play their respective Doctors in The Five Doctors over a decade after they left the role, but nobody batted an eyelid. It was just really cool to see them again. There’s no reason why you couldn’t have brought the classic Doctors back. Okay Tom Baker and Colin Baker have both put on a considerable amount of weight since the 70s and 80s, and neither Peter Davison nor Sylvester McCoy are as young and spry as they used to be, but once they’ve got the costumes on, nobody’s going to care about that. Ever heard of suspension of disbelief?

So the Doctors we end up getting are Eleven, Ten and Eight And A Half, aka the War Doctor. (The Ninth Doctor was originally intended to appear, but Christopher Eccleston turned it down, hence the creation of an all new Doctor. Why Moffat couldn’t have just used Paul McGann, I don’t know). It’s about what you’d expect. Three Doctors coming together and criticising each other’s attitudes and tastes in clothing, and admittedly it’s fun for about five minutes before you start getting bored and want Moffat to get the fuck on with it. I think I’ve mentioned numerous times now how annoying I find Matt Smith to be, so i don’t think I’d need comment on that further. While I don’t like Ten as much as everyone else does, it is good to see David Tennant again after all this time. It’s like he’s never been away. He’s got that same boundless energy and enthusiasm that you can’t help but find endearing. This story does however play at odds with where Ten is in his story. Remember for Ten this takes place between The Waters Of Mars and The End Of Time Part 1, where Ten is running from his own impeding death. Surely seeing his future self would affect him somewhat, right? Perhaps that was what all that ‘some new man goes sauntering away’ stuff in The End Of Time with Wilf was about.

As for the War Doctor... I must confess I’m slightly torn. I’ve mentioned before how I really don’t like the idea of a War Doctor that Eleven can conveniently blame so that he can stay as the pure saint with the unsullied past because it just simplifies the character to an insulting degree. And it’s funny because if you stop to think about it, outside of the big decision he has to make with the Moment, the War Doctor doesn’t actually have a character. We never really learn anything significant about him or what really differentiates him from his other incarnations. And yet I can’t help but find myself really liking the War Doctor. And I think that’s for two reasons. One is because of the late, great John Hurt. He gives an extremely good performance and he’s the one that keeps you engrossed in the character even when the writing doesn’t. And the second is that... Look, I have quite a few issues with New Who, and one of them is the more manic interpretations of the Doctor. And yes I know the Doctor has always been an eccentric, but it feels as though New Who have been pushing it to its absolute limit and beyond, to the point where we’ve now got Matt Smith’s Doctor who is just the most obnoxious character I’ve ever come across (in fact there’s a scene where the War Doctor pretty much sums up all my problems with Eleven by asking him “why are you so ashamed of being a grownup?”). And I recognise this is more of a personal taste issue. If you like that kind of manic Doctor, more power to you. I honestly don’t mind it in small doses. The thing is I grew up with the classic series (I used to watch them on old VHS tapes when I was a kid) and while I recognise the War Doctor isn’t very well written and that the reasons for his inclusion are incredibly stupid, I can’t help but instinctively be drawn to that kind of witty, reserved Doctor who can be a bit serious at times, but his hearts are always in the right place. That kind of Doctor just resonates with me more somehow and it’s a kind of Doctor that I really wish we could see more of in New Who.

Plot-wise, it’s all a bit so-so. Let’s start with the B story. Out of all the monsters Moffat could have picked to bring back for the 50th anniversary, why in God’s name did he pick the Zygons? I know classic series fans really like the Zygons, but for the life of me I can’t see why. They’ve only ever appeared in one story, Terror Of The Zygons, which, lets be honest, wasn’t really very good. Yes I know David Tennant loves the Zygons and I’m sure he was pleased as punch to get to work with them, but for the 50th anniversary? Are you fucking joking?

For the benefit of @captainivyb and others who are unfamiliar with the classic series, here is what the original Zygons looked like:

And now here are the new and improved Zygons:

It’s funny, isn’t it? State of the art special effects and a slightly bigger budget, and yet somehow the new Zygons look just as shit as they did back in 1975. I’m going to choose to believe that these new Zygons look deliberately shit so that they could pay tribute to the rubber latex monsters of Who’s past because if I have to accept the possibility that the New Who team honestly thought these new designs were good, I may have to sit in the corner and have a little cry.

I do like the idea of the Zygons hiding inside paintings. Wouldn’t it have been cool if maybe the Doctors went inside the paintings and had a bit of a gander? But no. Instead we get the really bizarre twist that the Zygons, a race of shapeshifting aliens, destroyed a bunch of statues and ground them into dust so they could hide underneath large sheets when UNIT arrives. Yeah, it’s a bit hard to be scared of monsters that have the same mindset as a child who think they’re invisible just by covering their eyes.

And why are the Zygons inside the paintings? Because they want to invade the Earth. Why they don’t just invade medieval Earth, I don’t know. Surely that would be easier than invading present day Earth. Less guns and nuclear bombs for one thing. Elizabeth the First (or at least a version of her that has been Pompadoured into the sassy, flirty woman that exists in all of Moffat’s stories) says that the Zygons are used to a certain level of comfort, but that’s bollocks, isn’t it? What could the super advanced Zygons with their biotechnology possibly want from present day Earth? It can’t be the Black Archive. How would they even know it exists before taking Kate Stewart’s memories? Do they want to borrow our Wi-Fi or something?

Cut to present day Earth and there is a genuinely good moment where Kate stands toe to toe with the Zygons and threatens to destroy the whole of London to prevent them from using the Black Archive. Jenna Redgrave gives a great performance here, channelling the Brigadier very effectively. It’s such a shame Moffat doesn’t do more with her character. (You may have noticed I haven’t mentioned Osgood yet... Well spotted). Then the Doctors show up to chastise Kate for her actions, using their own experience in the Time War to explain why before using the memory eraser thingy to make everyone forget whether they’re human or Zygon, forcing both sides to form a peace treaty. Yeah, because evil aliens hellbent on taking over the world are bound to stick to that once they get their memories back. (Also there’s a major continuity blunder here. Earlier we see a Zygon attack Osgood and assume her form, stealing her asthma pump. Osgood manages to escape and steal the asthma pump back. But at the end, Zygon-Osgood gives the asthma pump back. Huh?).

All of this is meant to cack-handidly tie into the Time War storyline and the Moment, which admittedly is slightly better. But first... is that it? Is that the Time War? Remember all the references that were made in the RTD era? The Jaws of the Nightmare Child. The Could Have Been King and his Army of Never Weres. People trapped in time loops, forced to relive their own deaths over and over again for all eternity. What do we end up getting? Some spaceships, a few lasers and explosions, and some screaming civilians. The Last Great Time War. The war to end all wars... and this is the best they could come up with? Sigh. I guess some things are best left to the imagination.

Also I could have done without Rose. Well... except she’s not Rose. She’s the Bad Wolf. Well... except she’s not the Bad Wolf neither. She’s the same Moffat female we’ve seen millions of times before (Has Moffat only ever met one woman is his life? That’s the only explanation I can think of for why all his female characters sound and behave the fucking same). Billie Piper does an okay job with the material she’s been given, but really, you could have picked anyone to play the Moment. Billie Piper is really only there for fanservice. (Moffat reportedly did not want to bring the Rose character back because he felt her story was wrapped up and he didn’t want to add anything to RTD’s arc. I want you to remember this people. It’ll become relevant later on).

The Day Of The Doctor is really about the redemption of the War Doctor. Him standing at the brink, prepared to make a terrible choice and is shown the consequences of his choice, whilst his future selves learn to accept and finally come to terms with the horrible decision they made. This aspect at least is done reasonably well. I liked the scene with the sonic screwdrivers and the ‘same software, different case’ metaphor. And by far the most powerful scene is when Ten and Eleven arrive to help the War Doctor push the button. It was incredibly moving and actually made me really emotional because it shows the Doctor at his core. It’s something I’ve been saying for years. He’s not a soldier or a hero or a warrior. He’s just some guy. To make the decision to destroy his own species in order to save the rest of the universe would be incredibly traumatising even for a trained soldier. For a simple traveller like the Doctor, it’s practically unbearable. So to soften the blow by allowing his future selves to come along and help him press the button so he doesn’t have to suffer alone is extremely touching. Plus the War Doctor is now reassured by the fact his future selves will do everything in their power to make things right and not allow others to make the same terrible choice.

...

How does Moffat fuck it up?

Oh yeah. You knew it was going to happen. Moffat is so insecure and so determined to trick his audience that he’s prepared to butcher perfectly decent stories in order to shove in some bullshit twist. And this is no exception. Rather than allow The Day of The Doctor to end on a sombre, but powerful note, Moffat decides to do the unthinkable and takes a great big shit all over it. Thanks to an intervention from Clara (ugh), the Doctor changes his mind and decides to use a stasis cube to trap Gallifrey inside a pocket universe, causing the Daleks to destroy themselves in their own crossfire, saving the Time Lords and everyone gets a happy little ending. Now look, I’m not necessarily angry that the Time Lords have been brought back from the dead. I’ve suspected the whole last of the Time Lords thing wasn’t going to be permanent since way back in 2005. What I am angry about is the insulting way in which Moffat does it. Remember when Moffat said he didn’t want to add to RTD’s arc? Well he seems more than happy to undo it completely just because it doesn’t fit with his vision of who the Doctor is. A vision that is utterly warped. Moffat has deluded himself into thinking the Doctor is this all powerful saint that can do no wrong and would never dream of doing something like destroy his own race, even though the show itself completely contradicts that. The Doctor has made morally dubious choices before. The Doctor has resorted to violence before. Okay he’ll always try to find a diplomatic and peaceful solution when he can, but when push comes to shove, he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. The Time War is just the most extreme example of that. Yes it’s a horrible choice, but what’s the alternative? Letting the whole of time and space burn? As Eleven himself said, it wasn’t possible to get it right. And the psychological ripple effects of this choice makes the Doctor a far more interesting character. By erasing all of this, all of that complexity and character development as a result goes with it. Moffat tries to cover himself by saying that none of the past Doctors will remember this because of Moffat logic, but that just makes it worse because now Nine and Ten are suffering from PTSD and psychological trauma for no reason.

What The Day Of The Doctor proves without a shadow of a doubt is that Steven Moffat doesn’t in any way understand the show he claims to be a fan of. And if you need further proof of that, in the final monologue where we see Matt Smith standing in front of a really bad photoshopped ensemble of previous Doctors, the Doctor talks about how he dreams about going home. That has got to be the most unDoctorly thing I’ve ever heard.

War Doctor: “If I grow to be half the man that you are, Clara Oswald, I shall be happy indeed.”

Oh go fuck yourself Moffat!

[mistressarachnia]

I’ve changed my page info/description to reflect what N+C fandom projects I’m currently working on. Further details are below the cut.

But first... reminder that any of you are more than welcome to message me anytime! I joined this site in large part for the community, so if you want to talk N+C I’d be more than happy to get to know you. You don’t need to have the same fav characters/pairings as me to talk to me (I’m entertained with how many friends I’ve made here who initially didn’t think I would talk to them because of their preferred pairings). As far as I’m concerned, diversity is the spice of life. <3

Now, on to projects...

- I successfully figured out how to make language patches for the N+C games! Yay! I’m working on Osu Boys (one of the N+C April Fools joke games) as a proof of concept. It’ll be finished shortly.

- I’d already started on TnC Poker as my original “learn to patch” game before @seragaki-yuki wisely suggested Osu Boys as a better starting project. There is actually a TON of dialog/text in TnC poker, believe it or not, so I’m picking away at it slowly between other projects.

- I definitely plan on making a patch for Rhythm Carnival as soon as I get a copy. Most of the text is actually what I’ve already translated for the 10th Anniversary video, so it shouldn’t take too long to do once I get started on it.

- I plan on making patches for TnC Typing and True Blood once the others are finished. I have hard copies of both already. I’m *hoping* to recruit some help on the translation front prior to attempting these games, though, since I feel like it’s a bigger deal if I screw things up. FYI, the actual typing portion of TnC Typing will still be in Japanese (both kana and romanji), because that’s just how the game is set up. It’s supposed to help you learn to type in Japanese - you don’t need to be able to understand it, just copy the letters on the screen.

- Regarding the DMMd games, I don’t want to attempt to patch Re:Code before a better translation patch for DMMd/Re:Connect is made, otherwise all of the same mistakes will just be repeated over again. I was pretty late to the N+C fandom, but I have definitely picked up on how unhappy many fans seem to be with the original translation (which frankly scares me a bit, since my own translation skills are far from perfect). I’ve sort of put out antennae to find some of the other fans who have done work on re-translating DMMd. Since I’m already working on so many other things, I won’t aggressively pursue them right now, but if other fans want these games translated/re-translated badly enough to be willing to do some actual work on them, I’m definitely willing to help out in whatever ways I can to make sure that it happens. (Justice for Mink!)

- Regarding the other N+C mini games like Nyanda, Lamento Typing, and Chiral Mori... I don’t personally have any plans to work on them, but that might change if someone else was really inspired to translate these guys, wanted to pick them up as their own projects, and just needed an editor to turn them into an actual patch that people could use and play with.

- I seriously need to finish my own gift project for the N+C Exchange, so progress on the translation front will be a little slow for the next couple of weeks until the release date on August 31st. But I’ll pick right back up after that.

- I’m actually RPing now! That’s been a lot of fun. I RP Nano (TnC), but I have a merged DMMd/TnC universe if any DMMd RPers want to play with me (or just want to talk merged-universe conspiracy theories). Even if you don’t RP, you can always send me asks, anon or otherwise. I’m not too picky - I’m just happy to have an excuse to write.

- I really want to find more time to work on my original fanfic... I’m a much better writer than translator (I hope!). If I’m procrastinating on my other projects, there’s a good chance that it’s because I’m writing and don’t want to stop. Unsurprisingly the vast majority of original content that I write centers around Nano. Fair warning, I went really dark with some of it, even for N+C. I’ve also written a few DMMd fics, but... lately I just want to focus on Nano right now, because I find him to be a very inspirational muse.

- Our discord server is alive and very active, both on the project and social front. Lately we’ve been playing a N+C Cards Against Humanity game with a custom deck created by @kisamaa more-or-less in-character. It’s such a weird and fun cast. Depending on who’s on (since we’re all around the world) we’ve got: Nano, Shiki, Arbitro, Alpha, Akushima, Usui, Sly Blue, and Leaks. Shenanigans are inevitable. We’re starting up some new games, too. Send any of us a message if you want a link. (I’d just post the link here, but apparently the links expire and I’ve had a couple of people complain about it, so it’s easier to send them to folks directly.)

- I’m working on scanlations for several different doujinshi, it’s just been a little slower than usual on account of everything else I’m doing. I’m still focusing on Alpha and Nano doujinshi, with some Clear stuff thrown in for good measure. The next one that will be released is Experiment Time! which has a good combo of both sexiness (Alphas testing out their sexual functions in many different ways) and angsty existential robot problems. Once I get the three big doujins that are half-finished completed, I am going to start on Hiki’s three volume series “The Last Days.” It’s a very angsty BE!Clear/Aoba series designed to tear your heart out. Hiki is my fav CleAo artist, both because of her impressive artistic talent and her storytelling expertise. (And here I swore I’d never do BE!Clear... ah well, so much for that...)

- If you haven’t already heard, there is a really awesome and active new DMMd scanlation group that has recently formed and focuses primarily on NoiAo doujinshi (but are working on doujins for several other pairings as well). They’re looking for more translators, editors, and proofreaders, so contact @desamparo7, @seragaki-yuki, and/or @a-little-harmed-shinra if you want to help out with their projects.

- I’m still scanning/digitizing doujinshi for multiple people/groups. My make-shift “scanner” which I posted a tutorial for earlier still works better than any professional scanner I’ve tried. I should probably update my tutorial on post-processing, though - I’ve since gotten it down much faster with noticeably better results since I originally posted. (Speaking of which, if I’ve promised you something and haven’t given it to you yet, please remind me. It isn’t an intentional slight - there’s just a lot to keep track of sometimes and I get scatterbrained.)

- I’ve scanned all three of the 10 Years Archive books. I’ll get back to posting artwork from them shortly as I get them edited... I’ve been spending so much time on my Nano blog lately that I forgot my queue ran out on this one. XD I will post the full-spread 2-page images later in their entirety, because it takes some creative photoshop skills to get them to match up exactly and I just don’t have the time to do that right now. (But I will do it!)

- Random, but I’m so ridiculously excited to get a hold of that TnC benefits poster that came with the C92 Comiket Rhythm Carnival. Nano in a sparkly rainbow butterfly costume... seriously WTF? (It’s especially funny to me because I used to cosplay/RP Caterpillar many years ago when I still went to Nocturnal Wonderland... and I was just talking about how he reminds me of Nano. Apparently N+C thought so, too! Now I have this weird mental image of Nano sitting on a mushroom smoking hookah... and I’m not sure it’s any sillier than Nano in a sparkly butterfly costume holding a magic wand.)

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

First Monday of the month! So, if that’s my new date, I’m actually on time for once hurray!

Fanfic:

Precipice:

::singsong:: This is the arc that will not end… (j/k, I’m having fun. It is taking longer to get through everything than I thought it would, though.)

We are in good shape, ish. I did miss one week this month, and I was late a couple times due to IRL stuff [a thrilling saga involving two car insurance companies, the registrar’s office of the university where I got my BA four years ago, HR and IT at my current job…]

Anyway. I’ve got about 2-3 more chapters to go, I think? Need to check in w/Coruscant again of course, and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are definitely gonna yell at Anakin after the Poor Life Choice he made in last week’s update. We’ll also hear from Leia and Beru, so that should be fun.

Then we’ll finally start Arc Five,is tentatively titled Lessons and will probably focus mostly on the kids—the twins, of course; Lavinia; probably Winter; possibly Biggs and Leia’s other friends… It’ll be a quieter arc, probably; more along the lines of Homecoming, where we’re getting people situated/positioned for future plotty shenanigans. Although we will most likely spend some time with Darth Infernalis, too.

Also, the next chapter will probably put me over 100k (omg). I feel like I should do Something Special/a bonus to mark the milestone. Any suggestions/requests?

Distaff:

The next chapter is coming, no really. Like I mentioned earlier, this month was A Mess, IRL-wise, so, in dealing with all that, I didn’t get as much writing done as I wanted to on anything, including/especially Distaff. This coming month, though, I swear.

Auxiliaries:

I got the entry bit up this month! Or, well, the first of three parts of it, anyway. Part 2 of said opening might take a while, because it involves people shooting at the boys and I need to iron out who is shooting and why. I actually have most of Part 3 written, but Part 2 obviously needs to go up first.

So I might do that Part 2 later this month, if I get it finished, or I might post Ahsoka’s entrance, since I have that mostly finished and I’m very fond of it. We shall see!

AU Outline:

This month was Ventress accidentally adopting tiny time-travelling Luke Skywalker! She was so annoyed, I love it. As always, all five of these can be found in the #au outlines for the win tag.

Next month will probably be the Mask of Zorro/California Gold Rush AU Fusion No One Asked For, but that I may change my mind.

Masks:

…sigh. See aforementioned “RL was a disaster” comments. I’m almost tempted to just finish this one out as an outline and jump to Machinations at this point, but IDK.

For those of you who don’t know (because I’m not sure I’ve summarized it properly on this blog yet), Masks is the first installment of Masks!verse (ha, I’m creative), which is basically what I call an In Spite of a Nail AU, where Lavinia from Precipice exists in a canon-adjacent timeline. I say ‘canon-adjacent’ because it’s sort of a…weird hybrid of Official Disney Canon and Old EU/Legends Canon? It picks up in the immediate aftermath of Yavin and is a true In Spite of a Nail AU for the OT timeframe (i.e., the story focuses on locations/people that the movies don’t, and, while she does some specific things that change some details, no major plot points during these four years are changed). However, I tend to stick closer to Legends for post-Endor developments (for several reasons, mostly relating to I like the way things played out with the remnants of the Empire and the New Republic in Legends, politically/government-building wise; better than the parts I’ve read in the tie-in canon novels on the same subjects. Which is probably a large part of why I haven’t read all that much of the new tie-in novels; also Mara Jade, also Pellaeon, neither of whom has been recanonized yet sooooo yeah).

Anyway, some of the content from post-ROTJ novels is therefore excluded (as is Rebels, still, for unrelated reasons). But Masks!verse does eventually link up w/TFA (the third part, Martyrs, picks up shortly after the end of said movie). Canon may be locked at that point; it all depends on how much TLJ throws what I have planned already, and how much I decide to care.

Original:

As with everything, did not get as much done as I would’ve liked this month. Did not work on The Caladrius or any other crossover piece, but I got a few short bits out, for all three worlds I post to RF. Sadly did not work on anything potentially publishable/unrelated this month.

Other:

So, I’ve been thinking about doing an open question night once a month. I mean, I’ll of course answer asks/whatever that come to me outside of an event like that, but I’d be online/available for active interaction if I did this, if that makes sense? Considering holding these on the fifteenth if I do this. Or maybe the third Monday of the month, to alternate with the Coming Attractions posts? Something to think about.

I’ll also take prompts (for short/under-5k stories), which I’ll plan to fill by the next Open Question Night, barring RL shenanigans or something.

Thoughts?

ETA: On a semi-related note, I do have a meme open; feel free to send me one of the things!

Monthly Goals:

July Recap:

1. Keep up with Precipice updates.--well, like I mentioned above, I missed one, so...not really.

2. Get the friggin Opera House done and posted already.--...oops.

3. Debut Auxliiaries.--Yay! An accomplishment!

4. At least write some Masks. In order. Bits from Machinations or the timeskip between them don’t count. Even if it’s not a full postable chapter.--Yeah, not so much.

5. Do another crack outline :D--I did it!

6. At least 1k on Phoenix!verse.--Again, not so much.

7. Work on another origfic crossover.--Nope.

9. Seriously, Shadowsong. The archives.--Nope.

10. At least 10k on any/all projects.--uh....::quick tally:: Looks like I did actually make it! Huh, I didn’t think I had... But this was also a long month, so to speak, and a couple of my Precipice chapters were on the long end, so.

August Goals:

1. Keep up with Precipice updates.

2. Opera House.

3. Another Auxiliaries snippet

4. Work on Masks.

5. Another crack outline

6. At least 1k on Phoenix!verse

7. Work on another origfic crossover

8. The archives are sad and lonely and three years out of date. I should fix that.

9. At least 5k on projects that are not Precipice.

10. At least 15k total on any/all projects. [considering that even this month I met my goal, I figured I should up it and see what happens.]

[chelseyroseblog]

10 STEPS TO SELF DISCIPLINE

Hi Princess!

Man I am just having a full freaking circle moment right now. I'm currently at home with the house to myself and I've just spent the last 2 hours cleaning, organizing, and planning...and canceling plans for tonight that I actually was SO excited for. 

[I was planning on going to FORMA in Santa Monica area with two girls that I used to work with for some BOMB ASS din din, but there were two problems...]

 Their menu doesn't really match up with my weight goals right now annnnd

   I knew that if I went, then I wouldn't get this blog post done and I already PROMISED myself that 1-2 new blog posts would be going out every week. 

So now, here I am, listening to this Spotify playlist, drinking my celcius, and jotting down notes and quotes about success and self discipline. 

Then a light bulb went off....mayyybe I should write a post about self discipline?!...GENIUS. 

Half the time when I have self discipline, I don't even think about it. Actually I would say that that happens more than half the time, which is nice. 

For example when I cancelled my plans for this evening, there were 2 people that looked at me all wide eyed when I told them why I cancelled and said "Wow, talk about self discipline", and "Holy shit I would do anything for that kind if self discipline". Hahah but I didn't even think twice about it. 

And then I really started thinking about it and realized that actually a ton of people have told me I have some kind of insane ability to discipline myself. Whether it's walking by the desserts at work and not grabbing any, or only having 1 piece of licorice instead of 12, or when I turn down a day time pool party because I have unfinished shit on my calendar.

Whatever. I gotta do what I gotta do ya know? But as I get older I'm really starting to see that this isn't as common amongst the majority of other people. 

When I think about how I developed self discipline I basically just pull out the archive of alllllll the things my parents had me do when I was growing up. 

I was in Taekwondo until I was a black belt and I played soccer into high school so from a young age I always had some kind of coach whether it was in school or at home. I think a lot of discipline came from the combination of the two. 

 If I was hungover at a game then my punishment was playing the entire 90 minutes as left mid in 90-degree heat. (Mainly because I couldn't tell anyone I was hungover and sucked at lying...still do).

If I got a C, I was grounded. If I didn't go to work, I wasn't given money from my parents. If I forgot to take the trash out to to street I was hit with a text that the next time I forgot, the trash would be laid out in my bed haha soooo I didn't forget. ever. again. 

That one may have been a bit of a lie on my parents' end but once people start following through with consequences, you start to believe them...quick. 

And if I ever wanted anything...I had to work for it. My parents had me paying my phone bill, car payments, gas, and insurance before I moved out at 20 years old and I have never asked them to loan me money since I've moved to LA. And when I wanted to go on a $500.00 S.W.A.T. trip to Tahoe (S.W.A.T. was the BEST. If you know, you know.) when I was 16, I was allowed to go, but I had to work for the money and save up. 

The point of all of this is that I was raised knowing that I have to work for what I want, nothing will be handed to me, and If I mess up, it's my ass on the line. 

Growing up I wanted to stab someone because I had THE MOST chores out of all of my friends, was grounded the most, and worked the most haha BUT NOW, I appreciate it. Funny how that happens. 

Benefits of Being Self Disciplined:

Because I grew up the way I did, and have had the motivation to stick with what I've learned, I've noticed that my self discipline has allowed me to stay focused on my goals and actually REACH them. 

BUT even if you didn't grow up with self discipline and feel like it's something you wish you had NOW, then just know that you CAN HAVE IT NOW. It's just like anything else...whether you do it over and over again, or never do it at all, it becomes a habit...you just need to decide which habit you'll practice. 

Even for me, self discipline can be hard. Like I said earlier, most of the time it comes naturally but there's other times that I lose it therefore I understand what it's like NOT to have it, and how frustrating it can be and ultimately how big of a set back it can create. 

Having self discipline has allowed me to begin growing into the person that I want to be. It's helped me avoid everything from people, food, and parties (not to sound boring haha) at times that my goals were more important to me. Because girl believvvvve me, if I didn't have goals combined with some self discipline, I'd still be partying my ass off. 

WELP LADIES. 

It's time to PRACTICE good habits and it's time to look inward and start taking care of YOURSELF. Here's 10 steps that I think everyone should practice if they are looking to be a master at self discipline. 

10 Steps to Self Discipline 

1. Write down your goals 

I mean you have to know what you're even being self disciplined for right? When I write down my goals it HAS to be when I'm relaxed, STRESS FREE, open minded and optimistic. Or actually sometimes it could be like the polar opposite haha. If I'm really over my current circumstances then I will think of a few goals that I feel like I NEED to achieve but as far as writing them down and feeling like they're possible, I need to be in a good place. 

Either way, make a point to think about them, and write them down. I have my goals organized on a big white board in my office and I swear it makes all the difference. Also - remember to write down a goal for every area of your life. Have a "personal best" goal, a "career" goal, a "fitness" goal, and even a "family" goal. Maybe you don't contact your family enough or make enough time for them and you want to make it your goal to call them once a week. Whatever it is, write it down and this will start to improve your self discipline. 

2. Make a plan

Goals are just words until you have a plan behind them and give them MEANING. So what if you want to live by the beach? If you have no idea how you're going to do it, like not even a first step, then I'm not saying it won't happen, I'm just saying it's unlikely. Also, why wait 10 years to see if you might live by the beach when you could just make a plan and get there in a 6 months? Successful people know that in order to be successful you just need to START SOMETHING. Start small, build positive habits, and you'll be on your way to reaching your goals. 

Brian Tracy explains that when it comes to making a plan and actually executing it, we need to understand the CROWDING OUT PRINCIPLE. This means that we need to fill our days with HIGH VALUE & MEANINGFUL tasks in order to be successful as opposed to low value, busy work tasks. This way our day is "crowded" with so much meaningful work, that is blocks out time to work on small things that are not relative. 

"When it all comes down to it, nothing trumps execution." - Gary Vaynerchuk 

3. Develop the right mindset

I am obsessed with how powerful the mind is. It is so crazy to me to hear people talk about everything from a negative perspective ALL OF THE TIME. "I don't have money." "I'll never find someone so I'm just giving up on love, I'm over it". "I hate this fucking job but I have no other way of making money." "I look like shit." "I'm so ugly I don't know why anyone even talks to me."

LIKE WHAT?!?!?

I know it's not EASY to change, and it's not EASY to really go for your goals because it can be scary. The unknown is a very scary place and believe me, I get it. When I moved to LA I knew I was going to be on my own but I made it work. And even right now in my life, I am preparing myself for a HUGE change. 

And I couldn't even tell you all of the things that could go wrong because I refuse to let my focus go there. What's the point? If I want this change to happen then no matter how scared I am, I need to focus on all the GOOD that will come from it, and all the ways that I WILL be able to make it work. 

You MUST MUST MUST live in a positive mind set in order to be successful and have self discipline. 

"Your thoughts are incredibly powerful. Choose yours wisely." - Joe Dispenza 

4. Have a daily mini accomplishment

This is something that I started having all of my health coaching clients do. We all know that STARTING something is the hardest part right? We dwell on the idea of it, we feel like we REALLY want to start something but we just don't. It happens to all of us but the best thing to do in this situation and the best way to really start working on the self discipline muscle, is to have a mini accomplishment every day. 

But make it towards your goal. SO for example, if my goal is to start losing weight then I would write down "START WORKING OUT 3 DAYS A WEEK" as my goal. I might even PLAN on doing it Monday, Wednesday and Friday but then the MOTIVATION and the right mind set might be lacking. So if I just CANNOT get myself to do it, then a mini accomplishment would be to go for a 10 minute walk. Or to take the stairs everyday instead of the elevator. 

And BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for doing it. That's an accomplishment! 

If your goal is to start a blog but you've been putting it off for 10 months then have a mini accomplishment by bookmarking 5 blogs you love and make a little list that highlights the things you love about them so that you have a better idea of what you want yours to look like!

If you've been eating like shit for the last 2 months and really want to get your diet on track, start by having a smoothie for breakfast and if you don't change anything else for the rest of the day, at least you can go to bed knowing that you did something different today that put you one foot closer to your goals.

I've found that having my clients do these mini accomplishments gives them the confidence they need to do it again the next day, plus some. And then within DAYS they are miles ahead of where they were. You just need to start. 

5. Be obsessed with your "why". 

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds then your "why" may be because you're going on vacation, it may be that your family has had health issues that you want to avoid or, it may be that you just realized that you need to either lose weight or go up in your jean size, and that's just not an option for you. 

Whatever your why is, it needs to really make an impact, or you're not going to care enough to discipline yourself. 

"There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive." - Oprah Winfrey.

6. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable 

Man oh man. I think when I moved out of my parents house and no longer had a coach that was going to give me immediate consequences for my actions...I felt a little lost. All my friends would be going out so I would want to go, or all my friends would be eating mexican food at 2:00am so I would get some too. 

Or instead of working on anything, I would decide to go to the beach all day and then the movies knowing that I didn't have money to be spending. Things like that. So it took me a few months of play to realize that no one was going to be holding me accountable for getting my shit done. 

I had to do that for myself. So what started happening was, I had to start saying "no" to things that I really wanted to do. I realized that I didn't have time to be sitting around on my phone all day waiting for the next person to text me and invite me to do something. 

And it was kindaaa awkward?

People started telling me that I worked too much and that I needed to spend more time with friends but honestly, I didn't feel that way. 

There's so many girls I talk to that tell me that one of the biggest things that gets in the way of their goals is their social life. They don't want to miss out on the fun, or all their friends drink, etc. 

I get it! But if you want to work and accomplish your goals and your social circle gets in the way of that, then just explain to them that you have to stop going out as much and your true friends will understand. 

7. Be consistent with your motivation

I swear this makes self discipline so much easier. If your goal is to start your own business then you need to wake up every day telling yourself that you're going to start your own business, and you need to be clear about the steps you're going to take to get there. 

You can't just write it down in a cute notepad once or twice a year and expect it to happen. The more attention you give it, the faster and easier it will come. I'm a big visualization person so whenever I'm in the shower or when I'm meditating or walking, I literally ask myself "what do you want your life to look like in X amount of years". And the picture doesn't just appear quickly and perfectly...but little things start to come to mind and you start to BUILD a picture which eventually turns into like a mini film in your mind. 

BUT you have to take the time to think about it, otherwise we are just lost thinking about all the errands and work we have to do that we never even give ourselves the chance to work towards something. 

8. Be equal parts realist and optimist

This may be a good or bad thing but for me, a lot of my self discipline has come from the sad truth that at the end of the day, you can't rely on ANYONE to take care of you...or you shouldn't anyway...in my opinion. If you're waiting for a man to take care of you then that's of course your call but what if things don't work out? What if he leaves you and you didn't do anything to set yourself up to stand on your own two feet?

Not to be negative but really, I just want to honestly ask some women what their plan is. So for me, I don't expect to be taken care of which is part of the reason why I work so hard. 

With that comes optimism. I am optimistic that everything I'm working on will set me up for security and I'm optimistic that one day I won't have to work as hard but for now, I have to take care of myself, ya know?

"The biggest risk is not taking any risk ... In a world that's changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks." —Mark Zuckerberg

9. Commit to your calendar

This is one of the best things I've ever done. Us girls looove our calendars and organizing and colored pens and shared calendars and what not BUT I feel like we write for 2 weeks and then forget about it for a few months and then start using it again later right? Haha. 

Having a calendar with set days to do things is HUGE if you stick to it. It's one of the best ways to practice self discipline. 

10. Truly understand the alternative. 

When I think of people that are self disciplined, I think it's fair to say that they know that if they DON'T follow through with what they need to do, the consequences will come in the way they feel, the way they live, or the look. 

So be honest with yourself about what would happen if you DIDN'T start accomplishing your goals. Does that mean that you'll be at a job you hate for 5 more years? Does it mean that you'll never lose the weight you've been wanting to get off? Does it mean you'll never know your full potential? For me - I know that if I don't work on being my best self, then I can't give my best to others and that's not an option for me. 

I want to be someone who is happy and full of life everyday and recognizes that everyday is a gift and that we need to enjoy the ride. BUT if I lose sight of myself or feel like I'm not appreciating each day, then I can't be that person. 

Ugh, I could talk about this for forever but to be honest, I gotta go get my brows done haha. 

I hope you guys have an AMAZING day!

X

[weracetogether]

The Thunder Rolls and the Lightning Strikes...Riding RAGBRAI Day 1 https://ift.tt/2Z3MLkh Day 1 of riding... across a state... with a bunch of strangers (and a surprisingly large number of Pensacola Friends)... When you are not used to sleeping in a tent, on an air mattress, it takes a couple days to adjust. Night 1 in the tent was not great. I was startled awake in the evening by a fun fireworks show at Council Bluffs RAGBRAI. I was startled awake in the morning by a massive thunderstorm. Day 1 is really the best day for inclement weather. Everyone is usually at their best and most rested. Spirits, energy, and patience is all very high. We meandered around the campsite, a harsh "field" the night before that had become a slick mud pit with the rain. Clay-based mud seemed to stick to everything, steal cleat covers (Kevin), and cake on the bottom of cycling shoes. Seriously, we scraped and wiped and cleaned our shoe bottoms for 40 minutes BEFORE we could start to actually clip into our pedals. With the majority of the storm passed, we took off. There was still rain, but the majority of the lightning seemed to be gone. It was supposed to be a 60 mile day with the optional 20 mile gravel loop. SIDE NOTE: I'm going to say "supposed to be" a lot, because our mileage records seemed to be in direct conflict with what we expected EACH day. This was our plan for day 1. Ride the first part of the day, including the gravel loop on our gravel tires. Take the time after the loop to change to our road tires, and push out the rest of the day with ease. For various reasons, the main one being Teresa's bike is able to have a rear rack and panniers (saddle bags), she was the pack mule for the week, so she happily carried everything except my snacks... who am I kidding, she carried my snacks too. Roads were slick so we did see some people loose control and crash hard throughout the morning. We took it easy and chipped away at the mileage before the Gravel Loop. We don't really consider ourselves Gravel riders, but we had trained for a couple months on the closest terrain we could find, at home, in Florida. There were differences.

Pre-gravel beef jerky snack and selfie/groupie.

We pulled up to a couple of guys looking out over the loose gravel rocks on the far side of the railroad tracks in Underwood, IA. It was overcast. I rolled up with apprehension. Teresa was SUPER excited. One guy was saying to the other guy, "I don't know, man." The other guy, wise beyond his bearded years says, and I quote, "Look, ask yourself this...in 10 years are you going to regret NOT doing this?" Apparently, the hesitant dude wasn't that committed, because shortly after Teresa and I started, only the bearded guy passed us. We rode for 3/4 of a mile before we hit the first hill. We knew the loop added some significant elevation, but weren't worried before hand. I slowly climbed that first hill, crested the top, and went barrelling down the other side. HOLY F*!KING SHIT. I literally thought I was going to die. LITERALLY. I came to a stop 1/4 of the way up the next hill, white as the gravel, breathing hard, and cussing like a sailor. Teresa came up beside me grinning like a Cheshire cat as I'm spewing expletives. "There's no F'ing way we're doing this. We're going to die. This is a bad f'ing idea. Shit...." It went on for a couple of minutes. Teresa was visibly disappointed at the possibility of skipping the gravel loop, so I committed to the next hill. We slowly climbed again, crested the top, and went down the other side with me on my brakes with that earlier bearded guy's words rattling around in my head, "...in 10 years are you going to regret NOT doing this?" I need new rear brakes on my road bike, now. To be fair, Teresa checking on me after that hill and I was of the mood - now is NOT the time to try to talk to me. So we kept going. Up slow, down slow - repeat. My mood improved the further we got. Teresa pointed out that she wasn't sure there would be patches for the loop. We later saw signs that implied otherwise, which further improved my mood.

The earned PATCH

We hit the mid-town for the loop, McClelland, just before another storm hit, but they had patches, food, shelter, and good news. It was only 4 miles back to the main route (pavement)! We actually waited for a train to pass before we could venture back onto the payment. But it was worth it. We made the loop uninjured and without bike issues so it was a win. Ultimately, I am glad we did it, but maintain it was BAD idea. We made it back to Underwood, and started changing tires for the remaining 50 miles left in the day. In the middle of a rainy (and now windy) Monday in a small town in Iowa, Bill found us. It's so much fun to have a familiar face in a crowd of strangers.

We actually caught up with Bill (again) and Laura multiple times on Day 1! I think this was Neola or Midden.

Avoca, I needed this.

From Underwood to Marne was kind of miserable because of the constant head-wind, but we did it. We stopped for beer, food (Mr. Porkchop), cinnamon rolls, and pie repeatedly along the way. I was especially excited about water slides in the City of Avoca, of which, video exists. ;)

More pork chop, now... please.

   Teresa looked like she was carrying an octopus with the gravel tires sticking up on top of her rear rack. EVERYONE noticed and commented how bad-ass she was to do the loop. They were right. (I didn't garner as much attention).

To Teresa, by many: You did the gravel loop? And then changed your tires? Bad-ass! (or Awesome!) (or Hardcore!) (or Impressive).

Marne was also a pass-through city in 2001. I'm glad they kept the sign/photo op for 2019.

We made it to Marne, IA. This was the last town before our end-point for day one. We were about 10 miles from our tent and food and anything else that wasn't a bike saddle. We walked up the mountain into Marne and surveyed the Roadhouse Bar and Grill  and party. Good times, but we really wanted to be done for the day, so with another piece of pie we headed back to our bikes. Now is probably a good time to let you in on a little secret. I, Patrick, have a hard time enjoying being on a bike. It baffles both myself and Teresa that I enjoy RAGBRAI so much. With that being said, at this point in our day one, I was over it. I HATE riding in wind. Period. And for the last 50 miles we'd been riding in a steady, signification head-wind, climbing up hill after hill. Seriously. Miserable. No more patience. No more understanding. No more compassion. How Teresa didn't kill me is still a mystery. I picked up my bike and started pushing it toward the main road when I hear Teresa say, "My bike's not rolling." ME -- "Is it operator error or mechanical?" - crickets....I'm sure a venomous stare was boring a hole in my head. We continued down the hill toward the main road. She didn't say anything else so I assumed it was operator error. I hopped on my bike and merged into bike traffic in time to look back and see Teresa try to follow and hop off her bike. "My bike's not rolling. It's not operator error - asshat." Broken spoke. Nice. We headed back up to Marne and met the traveling bike mechanics at Bike World. They were very quick and friendly which always helps. We actually ended up being on a first name basis with them as the week progressed - because Karma I guess. So far as I can remember, it was smooth sailing into Atlantic RAGBRAI.

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Patrick's Donation Page for Tampa BayFrogman Swim 2020

Patrick & Teresa are actively raising money for the Navy Seal Foundation.   Supporting the Navy Seal Foundation-Frogman Swim 

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