#i hate being my mom but i didnt like how much they changed it lmao

[queenerdloser]

i finally (FINALLY!!) finished my count of monte cristo audiobook and despite the fact that i despised some of the choices made (why!!!! is he sailing off with haydee!!!!!!! who he raised LIKE A DAUGHTER. who is LIKE 20.) apparently 52 hours has committed me to being fully insane about this novel bc i tried to watch the 1934 movie for kicks and i had to stop after 20m bc they kept mispronouncing everything and i didnt watch to watch a version of the story where they got rid of maximillian for albert. it was just me every two seconds going: they did WHAT. 

[todayisafridaynight]

OKOKOK EP TWO AND THREE CLEARED. Keisuke is unbeatable I Am Positive I kept fucking pausing to GIF this and that and I swear I've never had this many GIFs on the hard drive 😭😭I need to hunt him for sport [AFFECTIONATE] Pleeeease drop the Cutest Tsutsumi Characters list... I must know...

DON'T REMIND ME OF TSUTSUMI'S POSSIBLE RETIREMENT I'LL MISS HIM SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭that aside :] he's a nice man I respect him :] To Say The Least... OH BUT he did some dialect work in Kagerou Touge [only as the transgender chicken he plays not his actual character], Bali Big Brother, Tonbi, First Penguin, and uhhhh Jo's Singular Line LMAO [not all Kansai exactly IIRC but more Kansai-adjacent than Kanto]. Kagerou and First Penguin are my faves though methinks

DEFINITELY CHECKING OUT THE MOVIE WHEN I GET THE CHANCE... very intrigued about how it does things differently and of course the Snap Seal Of Approval means a great deal to me...

Kase is SUCH a bitch in the anime and manga perhaps especially Because he did have potential as a voice of reason but he's just being a hypocrite and abusing his knowledge of the situation; he's able to justify it only because he's Not Forty-Five Which Would Be Creepy But Twenty-One Is Fine Dude Trust Me which... is pretty real NGL guys like that do exist... in the same vein, on one hand I do want him to face some sort of consequence, but on the other hand I guess it's also pretty real for him to be able to get away with it. I Guess.

If nothing else I do really appreciate that episode for the contrasts between how Kase and Kondo act on [basically] the same "date," and how Akira reacts. Like OBVIOUS what the message of the ep is given Akira's thing with the pamphlets but let me cook... 'Cause Kase is conventionally attractive, he's not [as far] out of her age range [although he's still DECIDEDLY out of it], and a lot of girls who don't know any better would be thrilled to be pursued by a "cool mature guy" like him, but Akira cannot stand any of it. But with Kondo, the complete opposite, who is totally unattainable, she feels safe and comfortable.

Even so, she re-enacts Kase's behaviors on her "date" with Kondo, because that's what she knows and kids mimic the adults in their lives whether they know it or not, and it's largely by her own self-restraint that she doesn't go in for that kiss at the end and things don't end as badly as they could... MANY thoughts... head full...

BUT YEAH. NO. YEAH. The last couple eps go SO hard and for WHATTTTT 😭😭😭😭😭Haruka and Akira got me so fucked up... Haruka winning that black cat for her coinciding with Akira starting to back off from Kondo and rekindle things with Haruka instead... the rumor WAS real... uuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhh

And CHIHIRO MY FRIEND CHIHIRO good god spending the whole fucking show thinking Kondo was just reminded of his wife or some girl-who-got-away by Akira... and then he picks up the book and It's No Help because Chihiro is a gender neutral name... AND THEN TURNS OUT IT'S HIS BOY BEST FRIEND REPRESENTING HIS YOUTH AND HIS PASSIONS AND IT'S ALL IN PARALLEL TO HARUKA AND AKIRA UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK that is enough for now I promise I will actually send in something RGG-related at <3 Some Point <3 SORRY to anyone having to scroll past these last couple of asks lmao

THATS WHAT IM SAYING literally my number one selling point for this show at this point is Keisuke Is The Cutest Old Man In Media Ever Please Witness Him. on the subject of Cute Men though the Cute Tsutsumi Chara list is relatively small since most of his roles evidently has him p serious or. Heinous. so like. top five's like:

1.) Keisuke (Tsuma, Shogakusei ni Naru) 2.) Saenai (Super Salaryman) 3.) Nobata (Not Quite Dead Yet) 4.) Ikegami (Why Don't You Play in Hell) 5.) Tsugaru (Hero SP)

a very hard list for me to make considering i think he has plenty of cute roles (if not just cute moments) in one way or another but..... thems the ones that had me going (´◡`ʃ♡ƪ) the most..

BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAAAN NOT TO REMIND YOU YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT FIRST (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) an important thing to remember anyhow.. maybe in the future he can direct movies that feature other cute middle-aged men (❁´◡`��) greatly doubt any others will ever compete with The Paragon Of Middle-Aged Dudes but they can try...

you had me at Trnsgender Chicken huh. OH BUT YEAH i figured hiroshi was kansai-esque with his mannerisms/speech. bali big brother was one of the movies on my To-Watch list so i know what to look into this week now (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

OH BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAW THE MOVIE i watched it ahead of time because of that ☠️☠️ BUT i look forward to you checkin it out !! again its p different tonally in some parts, esp with the vibe to haruka and tachibana's relationship (tho of course the underlying issue of their rocky friendship still exists, its just not as evident as it was in the anime).

AH BUT YEAH i appreciate kase for what he does as a narrative device and as a character in THAT regard i really like him: serving as a cautionary reality for people like tachibana who could be taken advantage of if around the wrong people while he simultaneously acts as though he knows what's best for her (and again, he has a point in her and kondo's age difference being egregious, but he's not exactly sailing on smooth waters either). with that in mind i appreciate that aspect of him didn't overstay it's welcome (for multiple reasons of course LMAO)

NOOO BUT HARUKA AND TACHIBANA'S RELATIONSHIP MENDING BY THE END THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO especially when they showed off haruka had her lil cat bro hanging on her bag.. and it was that hot-pink color to balance out the black one tachibana had (very kuromi/melody core if you ask me).... it really was super sweet that kondo and haruka got to mend their past relationships by the end of the anime like AAA it was SOOO good the build up and execution and eveything.. and i LOVE how the anime ends with the implication kondo and tachibana will start to really work on their aspirations- i always like those endings more than the ones where we see them already succeeding (❁´◡`❁)

AND YEYEYE THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT THE BUSINESS WITH CHIHIRO WAS GONNA BE TOO !!!!! IT WAS DEFINITELY INTENTIONAL ME THINKS LIKE ugh... AtR is masterful as all hell for everything it does i truly loved it a lot...

[anonymouscheeses]

Big fckn redesigns here. Well mostly Charlie but Vaggie somewhat too 🥰🥰

Blue fits Charlie soooo much and I cease to see that many redesigns with this color. I still want red to be used in most of their designs because well. They are in hell, but not too present so to make way for other unique colors. Charlie has several physical traits from her parents but also she has some details in her clothes that match with them. When I uhh, introduce their designs you'll see lmao. I also tried to make her have a more roundish design, I jst LOVE those typ of designs omg. I just want the characters with not too many sharp corners pls Viv bro... 😔 oh yeah she's mixed cuz her mom's are darker in their redesigns. Alot of their genetics went down to Charlie so she doesn't look like an exact copy of Lucifer, I kind of hate that trend with hh and hb characters, like did the moxxies dad give birth to him bro 😭 also I kept her bow because it looks so cute and silly on her it just fits, I wish they made it bigger in her show design because it would fit her silliness so much. She has a cape with stars because morningSTAR smh why didnt they do something fun with that, missed potential but whatevs yknow I still love og designs no matter what anyone sayss. Did you know I love Charlie, I could ramble for days. I think I love Charlie guys. Maybe jst a hunch idk... also... s-snake fangs.. jeepers anddd..... snake tongue.... shiver me timberz

The wife ever. I had animation in mind more when I designed her, not like in a "How easy or hard would this be to animate" way. But I like to imagine when she's shocked her hair kind of fluffs out plus her actual fluff, when she's mad her bow turns into kind of horns and then her jacket expands like wings. Gave her a more hotel like outfit, she likes to work for fun (ew). Her socks are socks but she has some fluff under them she just tries to cover it up because she hates herself 🤪 (she doesn't hate her bigger body she actually feels much more comfortable chubby than when she was skinny with Adam. She was burdened with the weight of Adam's image of women... In this sorta rewrite she gained weight when she goes to the hotel because she's more happy. I'm dying I love chub Vaggie so much guys please) headcanon: she kind of likes fashion, it's like a fun hobby of hers to stitch together clothing and go out and buy clothes she'll never wear. She taught Charlie how to stitch and she SUCKS so you can jst see it on Charlie's pants.

Second outfits! Charlie's hotel uniform for. Well. Hotel stuff. She usually only wears it when new people come to the hotel, which.... isn't often, if at all. She still likes to keep it just in case. Also she goes really cartoonish when it happens, she does the looney tunes run and changes into her clothes in like 2 seconds. Can you see my vision? 😭😭

Vaggie's is in her armor. She has several pairs of armor lying around in the hotel in completely hidden spots. It's kind of surprising uhh. Yeah she wears it alot more than Charlie wears her alt uniform but still rare to find her in it. I don't get the whole thing with the exterminators and them not being able to fight according to Carmilla. Which is kinda stupid, I'm not gonna lie. So, instead of that, Vaggie has just let her guard down and has gotten much more comfortable in her surroundings so she feels like she doesn't need to fight anymore, she's just gotten rusty 's what I'm sayin. I have no idea how to draw armor. You can tell...

Extra below cut vvvv

BABY CHARLIE!!! With the heads of my redesigns for Luci, Eve, and Lillith. Haha you still cant see them. Uhh, ill definitely finish the thing one day. Its not even that big of a project thing, i think i jst keep going to other drawings so im like not focusing on one thing lmao. Lucifer has heterochromia because he was cursed to forever be reminded of his betrayal. I only explained that because Charlie has it too, it's kind of a curse on the entire blood line where at least one eye is red. This is like. Slightly older Charlie than the baby Charlie in show? I jst wanted to put her in overalls cuz omg that's jst so cute ughhh 😭😭

[castawavy]

November Save MEGA summary (part 2)

before / next

hope you all enjoyed the previous summary, it was a nice walk down memory lane for me 😁❤ anyways let's just jump into the next one

so basically overall steve was really HATING working at Hogan's but June was just doing really well in general (enough to be the main earner in the household essentially so steve was able to quit his job)

june attempted to wingwoman raj again because things didnt really work out with kamala... LMAO

on friday she took a day off and decided to go for a job interview to join an in-house legal team

and very quickly she learned shed got the job 😁🤸‍♀️💖

on monday she let her manager Margot know she was resigning and officially handed in her resignation to the boss, boss, Jared. they were all super happy for her, and june was grateful to have had a good time working with them all

THEN, after that she visited her mom for awhile (who lives in Brindleton Bay, and caught up with her without steve or the kids)

that same weekend it was adelaide's birthday and they threw her a modest party (they are always paycheck to paycheck kinda ngl but june's recent job change / promotion means that things are getting better

bonus shot of the kids being EXTRA cute (they get on really well) 💖

very VERY soon after that, june attended a conference in Tartosa with her new team, which was a great chance to get to know everyone...

UNFORTUNATELY things got a bit flirty at the dinner 🌹😢 and the brunette guy behind june flirted with June and she did it back 😵 and yeah... nothing else happened but YIKES. my interpretation of june is honestly that she got a taste of what her life could have been like, without steve... the kids... bills etc, and she got a bit carried away by the glitz and glam of it all 🤷‍♀️ (sorry I do like my sims to have flaws, & like everyone else june is not perfect </3), but yeah as I said nothing else happened and june immedietaly felt AWFUL about it as she should (shes a loyal trait sim) 😘 but she did look stunning that night

when she got home it was extra bad as well because she had to face steve (and the kids) and it made he realise how lucky she had it, cuz steve also got her some champagne to celebrate her new job ☠😂

so... june confessed and told steve about what happened, and ngl even I was suprised he took it so well and was understanding + I think he appreciated she told him right away

also right after he mentioned marriage??? I think the two of them needed to talk about it cuz june always saw herself getting married I think and steve hadnt really considered it...

BUT YEAH drama / crisis averted AHAHAH sorry this seems really fast but I promise it had been brewing for some time - I think out of the two of them, unfortunately june is just a little bit more insecure than steve, because she has set so many expectations on herself & her mother growing up was very strict with her </3 overall I know she invisioned her life going differently, but when faced with that actual opportunity she didnt take it 😘❤🤸‍♀️

bonus picture of steve because we havent seen him for awhile now and hes gotten a lot healthier recently / working on himself and his mental health a bit (not quit smoking yet though) also raj came over and june seemed more like his best friend than steve because they were joking around so much 😂😂😂

also omg then adie had a bear phase...

😁 and that's a wrap for this summary but PHEW a lot of focus on june this time (I always love giving my sims really complex spouses)

before / next

[fcknstar]

,, best friends girl "

- harryosborn x fem!reader x peterparker

a.n : omfg i have a habit of writing at night. i have tried to edit it to the best of my ability. i need friends who share the same interest in harry osborn. uhh this is a mix of peter and harry, but it was really actually for harry lmao. i think imma just use marlene monae as my oc / reader / (y/n) cause it's easier for me. kinda got carried away lmao

warnings : jealousy? , long back story , y/n or reader is known as marlene monae.

**lowercase intended**

changing schools in the middle of the semester has to be your most hated things that could ever happen to you. moving houses was normal for your family as your fathers a business man, who moves around. your dad was a family man, he never wanted to leave his family behind, so hed bring you and your mom around. 

it may seem magical, being able to see the entire world due to having the money for it. however, the beauty of it can never mask your hatred having to make friends, and eventually leaving them. you hardly ever kept real friends due to long distance and time difference which made it hard for both parties to connect. 

somehow, there was a few friends that you truly treasured. you were settled there for awhile. you met peter parker, harry osborn and gwen stacy. there were others but they were really something. peter was more towards the introvert dude who was always reserved, attractive guy. harry was the complete opposite of peters personality, he was more outgoing towards others, ladys boy. gwen stacy was with peter when you first entered, and you guys simply clicked, probably due to the love of science. 

you have to admit that you found peter attractive, thank god your feelings have started to slowly fade into the background. however that happiness was outlived when you found out you had to move again. you begged your parents to settle here, but of course they refused. bummed out with your parents, you had to carry the burden and decided to not tell your friends about it. you just didnt want to suffer with long distance and that your meeting with them was merely meant to be during that timeline. knowing that itd be your last time ever being in queens, you confessed your feelings towards peter, probably weeks or months after gwen and peters breakup. you didnt want to regret not opening your heart out. 

when you left without a single trace, the duo was upset. of course, who wouldn't be. you left without a letter, a goodbye. peter did tell the others about your confession. gwen wasnt mad, she was more delighted. harry left way earlier than you did, so he didn't know anything. 

just like every friend and memory you had, you had forgotten them easily. you had to, it was driving you insane with how much you missed them. missed peter because you didnt know what his answer was. but who cares. aunt may probably forgot and didnt tell peter about it. you werent mad at aunt may, but she is old and had a lot to handle with her frail hands, and your message to peter only added the burden for her. but to your luck, she did pass down the message, but was too late as peter came back home later than usual. 

it has been years and you are your own woman. you aged beautifully and your birthday was nearing. your parents had settled in france, feeling comfortable with their surroundings. you had basically forgotten the past, most of your friends and the activities you did with them. clearing up your messy room, you came across a dusty cardboard box. it looked beaten up. curiosity killed the cat and you opened to box only to find the stuff your friends had gifted you throughout your years of moving. 

the box had felt like a time capsule, feeling like a teenager again was good. there was a particularly picture in the box that caught your eye. it was a pic of your friends in queens. 

what were their names again? uhh grace? harold and peter? peter sounds familiar but too basic. he looks familiar too. it was hard for you to remember everyones names and faces due to the dozens of people youve met. attached to the picture was a thumbdrive. curious you slipped in the drive into your laptop. it was multiple folders of your time at queens? what was so special about this place, you thought. you scrolled through a couple of photos and videos, when everything hit you like a truck. you had fled that place without letting your friends know about you leaving. you had deeply missed that place that you made yourself forget about everything there. surprisingly, your heart still yearned for peter. 

after talking with your parents, they have let you fly back there. while flying you didnt know what to expect or what to think. should i visit peter? or gwen?

what if they don't accept me? you panicked. maybe it wasn't a good idea to actually visit queens. upon reaching there, you found a hotel to stay at for the time being. you basically walked around queens trying to find a familiar apartment. after a few hours of searching, you landed infront of a old but homely apartment. you didnt know what to expect. maybe peter and aunt may moved? maybe they wont recognize you? taking a deep breath in, you advanced forward towards the entrance, knocking on the door. it didnt take long for the door to swing open revealing aunt may. 

" hey aunt may, how are you? " you started. the awkward tension in the air filled you both quickly while you waited for her reply. it looked like she was trying to piece the imaginary puzzles together. 

" uhm, its marlene? " you added, helping her remember you faster. it was as if you could see the light bulb above her head light up. you didnt expect a big warm hug from aunt may, well you had feared that she probably didnt accept you. lifting your hands slowly, you reciprocated the hug and took in her embrace. you did miss aunt may, her hugs, her cooking, and her smiles that she never failed to give you. 

" darling! oh my its been so long, what happened? how are you? hows your parents? what brings you here? " aunt may spat out as she released you from her embrace. she always saw you as one of hers. she always carried a heavy heart wherever she went. she often thought that you left because of them despite you reassuring her that you werent.

" may, whats  the commotion about? " peter came out from the side, chuckling. however it stopped when he saw you. you both did not say anything to each other, you felt your body heat up with guilt. the one where you knew you did something wrong. peter felt multiple emotions rush through him, was it really you? 

" uh pete, this is marlene, i hope you didnt forget her? " nodded aunt may. aunt may saw how peter suffered, not knowing whether he felt that way because you left without saying goodbye or that he wasnt able to tell you that he felt the same way. the spiderman situation didnt help him either, no one knew that but gwen. 

trying to suppress the heat and awkwardness, you merely nodded and smiled. aunt may welcomed you in and wanted to catch up. the house looked the same, it gave off homely vibes and you missed it. you sat on the dining table opposite of aunt may while peter just stood next to her. 

you had to try to explain your absence and why you left without saying anything. you did a lot of things you regretted in the past, and leaving without an explanation was on the top of your list. aunt may seemed to understand, but she is always understanding. not sure if peter seemed the same way as his gaze was fixated on you ever since you were at their doorstep. 

" alright, ill leave you two be yea " aunt may could sense the tension between the two young adults. all she wanted was them to reconcile, glancing at peter hoping he gets a hint. 

" oh uh its fine, i was about to leave anyway. im sorry if i came without notice. bye aunt may! " you quickly gathered your stuff and practically ran out the house. slowing down your pace once you were out, you took out your phone with the intention to play some music while walking back to your hotel. 

" so thats it? youre leaving without saying goodbye to me? again? " peter called out. stopping in your tracks, you slowly turned to him. you could see the disappointment that was clearly showing. 

" look, im sorry i left okay? i just had a lot going on back then and i thought that was the easiest way out- "

" but it wasnt, isnt it? you left me knowing that we could be something.. " peter had whispered the last part, not wanting or ready for you to hear it. maybe you had moved on. his eyes trained on you. 

you didnt know what to say. you heard what he whispered out. " i know youre mad at me and its reasonable. and i.. i. " you werent sure if he liked you, but what he said did indicate that he probably did have feelings. 

" yea i am mad at you, you left without a letter? and you expected that the message you left me was enough? it was selfish of you to do so you know that right " he slowly advanced to you, not wanting his neighbors to listen to the conversation that went horribly wrong. you wanted to answer, but nothing came out of your mouth. peter felt that he was a little too harsh just by looking at your expression.

" im sorry if i was too harsh. i just. i really liked you, i still do, but leaving me. leaving gwen wasnt something we both saw coming. aunt may said you liked me. is it true? " it was pretty bold of peter, he knew that. but he really needed to know. he nearly missed your nods. that was enough for him to engulf you into a hug. peter had let his guard down and you had to. you realized that it was hard for him too. 

it had been a few weeks ever since you stepped foot in new york. peter brought you to see gwen, who was thrilled to find you back. you guys reconnected instantly, catching up with one another. peter was glad that you are back, but he knew deep down that you had to leave again. gwen convinced you to stay with her as she needed a roommate. which made you convince your parents to let you stay in new york. somehow everything went according to plan, and you parents visited you often. you were living comfortably with gwen, you started dating peter. it sounds bad, dating your friends ex, but gwen was too open minded to care about what people thought. who cares about their friend dating their crush when they are in a committed relationship with someone new. 

you and peter were at a cafe having a regular breakfast, when a mini television in the cafe announced harry osborns arrival back in new york. it was said that his father was terribly sick and had died from it. decided that you both wanted to visit harry. 

the moment you stepped into the building, you both were told that harry was in a meeting for oscorp, and had to wait for the boy to come down. scanning the foyer you were in, it looked grand, but was dimly lit which made it more eerie than intended. you both didnt know what to expect except the awkwardness that will fill in between you three. while waiting for harry, you and peter were softly kicking each other to keep each other from getting bored. 

the clacks of someones shoes broke the silence and both you and peter had turned to see harry. harry looked different, he grew into his looks, the ridiculous side part has yet to leave his personality. 

" peter parker.. and marlene monae. its like seeing ghosts. " harry chuckled, staring at you both. 

" hey harry. " peter greeted with a gentle tone, not wanting harry to push you both away. 

you just forced a smile towards the boy who nodded. " uhm, what brings you both here? "

" we saw the news, heard about your dad and just wanted to see you and  how you are doing. " it was now your turn to speak. you didnt want to offend harry, trying to sound as sincerely as you intended with the words that came out. 

" im uh with some people,  im in a meeting " harry voiced out, eyes flickering between you both. 

" we didnt mean to intrude, really. i knew how it feels to lose a parent. " a sigh left peters lips. he truly wanted to be there for his friend. the conversation felt awkward and you didnt know what to do other than mess with your skin. glancing back at peter, you continued, " we just wanted to let you know that we are here for you if you need us " 

harry nodded, whispering out a " thank you " . 

it was silent for a moment and you seriously wanted to tension to stop. clasping your hands together, you look between peter and harry, " it was nice to see you again, harry " smiling towards the boy, you glance back at peter. peter got the hint and nodded. as you both turned to the door, harry spoke. 

" i see that you have gotten your braces out, " you could tell that harry had let his guard down with the tone of his voice. you missed this harry that enjoyed messing around, " and you have better style now huh " harry eyed you up and down. he always teased about how plain you dress up in the past. 

seeing peter smile at harrys words warmed you dearly. peter had both of his friends back into his life and peter couldnt be more happy. 

" you still blow dry your hair every morning? " peter laughed. harry stepped down onto the stairs, chuckling. 

" you know, one of my servants holds the hair dryer and i work the comb " harry cracked a smile, he was shocked at how quickly he let his old friends back into his life, but he wasnt mad at all. 

when harry reached the bottom of the stairs, he opened up his arms wanting a hug. without hesitation peter ran to harry like a little child, engulfing harry into a bear hug. you have seen peter happy when hes around his friends, but peter has never been this happy to have a friend back into your life. ( you messed up, thats why he didnt seem to happy to see you, right marlene? ) 

after harry released peter from his grasp, he opened his arms slightly, offering you a hug that you gladly accepted. you and harry usually shared hugs with one another in the past. it was tradition, whenever you two see each other or needed one another, a hug was always shared, and jokes were passed around. 

peter was happy seeing his friends reconcile, but his eyes didnt miss the way harrys hands held your waist. was it normal? he knew your relationship with harry in the past, but he didnt remember it to be this touchy. maybe it was because he was just jealous. the hug lasted longer than he anticipated, his ears didnt miss the light thumping of someones heart during the shared hug. it couldnt be yours, he was used to hearing your heart beat and didnt sound like yours. maybe harry was nervous. peter didnt know. 

it wasnt long before the trio found themselves walking through a park which located in the middle of the town. harry and peter were conversing, letting you take in the atmosphere. 

" what? you got yourself a lady? " harry joked while watching peter lean back onto the railing. that was what made you and peter lock eyes. harry caught that, a smile starting to appear on his lips. 

" wait, you two? " harry questioned. 

when you were about to answer harry, peter beat you to it. " you sound surprised, well we were just about to tell you " peter winked. 

" well i am, i just didnt think a hot looking woman would end up with a nerd. " harry joked, " i mean dont get me wrong im happy for you both. " you were probably oblivious enough to not notice the tone in harrys voice, but peter clearly did. 

" well thank you harry, but how bout you get yourself a woman before talking " you winked at harry, challenging harry. 

" i have one in mind, but shes off limits. " harry sighed, eye flicking between you and peter. 

" spill right now. "  you cheered, its been a long time since you heard your best friend talk about his crushes. 

" spill? its that like a slang-? " harry was cut off with a slap in the head. of course it was from you. peter didnt like the interaction one bit, he didnt expect you and harry click so fast after years of not meeting. it took you less than an hour to let your guard down with harry, but it took you a few weeks to fully get comfortable with peter. peter just couldn't understand. 

harry however, was more delighted to have you talk to him. he had missed your eagerness whenever he shared about his dream girl which was practically you. he did feel upset when he found out that you and peter were an item. if you and peter werent together, hed for sure have started something with you. he knew peter saw the way he held your waist, the way he brought your hips closer to his, the way he buried his face in the crook of your neck. but who is he to break you two apart. you were his best friends girl. or are you really?

[lesbiandarvey]

In response to your post about Donna/Harvey moving to Seattle, i actually controversially support it for my own reasons and character interpretations but I completely see your reasoning 😭😭

I think the biggest issue is just what we don't see, so we have no idea how this conclusion is reached. The only detail we have about Harvey consulting Donna about the situation is that he makes sure theyre on the same page about offering to leave the firm so that Faye will GTFO. We know they discuss this as a team, so it raises the question of how long the Seattle thing has been on their mind or a topic of conversation, if at all. I truly feel like them moving would have been a more reasonable and understanding pill to swallow if 1) we saw more of a longing between Donna and Harvey to be with Mike and Rachel and an actual discussion about it, 2) if there was more emphasis on Harvey being disillusioned with corporate law work and actively expressing a desire for a change, and 3) clarity on what would happen with Donna's career!! From my interpretation I genuinely felt like this may have been her idea or something that she supports, but I do wonder what her position would be with the new firm or if she would find other admin work for a company that Harvey isn't involved in so that she could have her own thing. She really worked her ass off to be COO, and whether or not she continues to do that she really should have had a more filled out ending as a character that didn't leave so much up in the air for her because she deserves the career she worked for.

While I totally think the Seattle plot could have worked, the writers failed to expand on it as an ongoing discussion between Mike, Rachel, Harvey, and Donna, so the effect of it is so sudden. We never even hear Mike talking about liking it in Seattle, which would have at least helped sell it a little!!!! If Harvey and Donna wanted to slow down a little and shift gears with a fresh start, we do need to be informed of that before we're just told they're moving across the country with like ten minutes left in the episode. I just hate how it was presented bc I feel like it could have worked so much better if the writers were more with it or had more room in the episodes to do so. I know USA only greenlit ten episodes for the ninth season so they were working on a way different narrative timeline for s9 than any other season of the show. anyways. Sorry to hijack and leave this huge message I just have so many thoughts on how the Seattle thing could have been successful

OKAY YES. TRUE. YESS ALL OF THAT !!

1) we saw more of a longing between Donna and Harvey to be with Mike and Rachel and an actual discussion about it, 2) if there was more emphasis on Harvey being disillusioned with corporate law work and actively expressing a desire for a change, and 3) clarity on what would happen with Donna's career!! <- ALL OF THAT YESSS EXACTLY EXACTLY!!

and really yeah exactly it all just comes down to the fact they had to wrap things up quickly and we just couldn’t see the characters discuss it in front of us so the audience is left going wait WHAT

also my mom reminded me the whole leaving the firm (/moving to seattle thing) was part of the deal to get faye out of the picture but tbh i feel asleep everytime faye was onscreen so i didnt pick that up

WE NEVER EVEN HEAR MIKE SAY HE LIKES SEATTLE YEAH!!!!!

and yeah exactly like it could have worked if they put like any foreshadowing into it all lmao

(altho tbf if they had said were moving to chicago to help jessica with no warning i would be totally fine with that lmao)

[guideaus]

stampede ep 5 thoughts pt. 1 i guess

WAS THAT REALLY WOLFWOOD'S OLD VA???

i kinda like theyre putting more abt the plant worshippers. in the manga that cult just seemed to be solely an explanation for wolfwood and livio's upbringing, i remember i desperately wanted worldbuilding, but that was about it... not that i expect too much more here

i kinda wanna say smth abt vash being shown sleeping so much, either its an original performative "im not awake, go talk abt whatever serious thing u want" w one eye open, or maybe its him being exhausted from previous events, or maybe it doesnt mean anything idk (which i'd hate). i'd say wolfwood would absolutely be the one to play dead in a fake way, but idk abt this wolfwood yet.

i guess the cult also being located in july sets up livio/others potentially being there?

roberto being a bit more playful, but hes also setting up the ep's conflict i think so :/ again i cant help but think how does he know this

meryl is once again a bad driver in an empty desert

wolfwood's either been let in on the gang (vash)'s issues w knives, or he's just being way too blunt

the animation is nice as always

i just now realized it, but i dont think stampede has ever said why vash is so pacifistic?? obviously no normal person wants to kill anyone, but i think most ppl would understand for a normal case of self defense, not to mention the wacky version of whats going on here. im not sure why theyre holding out on that, or hopefully they will share

its been 5 eps and theyre not very far from jenora's rock (the setting of the first ep), idk how theyre gonna get to july within 12 eps at this pace

hate meryl being useless. in the 2nd ep she at least provided some support

it also doesnt give a reason for wolfwood helping vash (its clearly not friendship)

wolfwood's also got the super perceptive thing going on, so of the main characters, vash purposely is obfuscates, and meryl... is clueless uwu girl, so im wondering if stampede just has an incredibly bad case of telling instead of showing

stampede kind of repeats stuff from the original anime/manga, but doesnt give a reason why. there was a crazy depiction of vash in ep 1, but they never showed any reason for that (while i always disagreed w it in the first place bc his bounty is the key thing causing ppl to wreak havoc trying to get him, i thought originally it was going to be given to him bc he trespassed trying to interact w plants or smth). theres never been a reason shown for him to be called vash the stampede or the humanoid typhoon, it could lead to the revelation of it in this ep, but...

that flashback was kind of weird lmao. i expected more to happen, idk what changed within that short amount of time showing vash and that kid interacting for the kid to go "ok, sure, i'll go back to my village and willingly get sacrificed :)" and its not like vash gave him some out of context advice the kid wrongly misunderstood to interpret as "I should sacrifice myself"

the "if god wont save you, i will" line also felt out of nowhere considering all that happened was vash said his mom sent him to look for him, the kid recognized him as vash the stampede, said he's going to die young bc his sickness, and then seemingly became ok with getting sacrificed before then. i understand theyre giving vash a savior complex (that im not sure was present before..? like obviously hes mr. pacifist, but idk if he ever willingly likened himself to god lol??)

they put conrad with the cult group...

not a fan of how the flashbacks are presented against the current time

and wtf was the group even doing w rollo lmao. turned him into action figure material and then let him loose again lol??

why are meryl and roberto just exploring random buildings instead of trying to help vash...

i wanna say the vash + baby photo is cute, but also im like that implies vash didnt just randomly get saddled w a rescue mission job for a child he just met. how did he not know that town was fucked up then lol

the photo of him looking the exact same (i dont mean age, i mean clothes/hair) reminds me that i wish the characters changes their models in some way

i dont get whats up w rollo, did the cult just experiment on him and let him loose and vash happened to stroll in and he took it out on him, is he attacking as revenge for vash not saving him, is he just a mindless monster?? nothing is really... understandable for some reason

again its reminding me idk wtf stampede is doing concerning the gung ho guns. are they not formally organized here, or not in a group at all... the previous ep's mention by knives abt the gate doesnt mean anything w/o knowing the 90s anime or manga, so here it doesnt mean anything yet...

NOOOO NOT THE KILL WOLFWOOD JUICE NOOOOOOO

i am not sure why whoever at orange chose this moment to have wolfwood do his classic "goes against vash's wishes and kills someone" moment. i think in the manga he did it first w the samurai guy and it was a moment where he stood down, vash turned his back and walked away, and samurai guy was in the middle of doing his super special anime move, and wolfwood said nope. then the anime i think he did it very late and it was w zazie. there i think it was more too that he shot a kid fjhsdjsksds. but here its like... way too early for that. the manga relatively was, but ww had a full volume w vash at that point, and his pre maximum stuff, here in stampede i think that'd just warrant vash telling him to get away from him. ww has done nothing in stampede to solidify his position with vash, in fact doing, something completely against his wishes would earn his hate i think. it wasnt framed as ww showed up and thought vash was going to die, it wasnt a moment where ww saved vash instead of rollo, it wasnt as urgent as zazie or the samurai guy's actions. frankly, i think if they just flat out stole the anime's "legato forces chapel to attack wolfwood after ww shows mercy" v mogami mp100 minori style, that wouldve been more convincing, but... yeah i dont see why that happened lol

ive already seen the manga and anime, so i forgot again, but i think ww probably just seems like an asshole at this point. the previous ep portraying him as a complete liar is v bad for his character, then w him killing someone vash didnt want dead, that makes it worse. ww being the one to call out vash's conflicting ideologies doesnt work here either bc he doesnt have a role of friend yet, he's just someone who heard vash's story, then tried to tell him he's messed up when ww was the one who shot rollo in his least aggressive state. if i was vash, there's no way i'd listen to some guy i just met thats acting superior

the topic of ww killing whoever (rollo in this case) also is different because wolfwood's excuse isnt out of concern for vash this time. zazie or the samurai were potentially about to kill vash, and wolfwood intervened citing his "its us or them" mentality, which vash argues with bc of his skill in avoiding harming others. ww's recognition of vash's skills also lead to his later point that he cant afford to go about life like that since he is human. but the 90s anime and manga that moment was significant bc it highlighted vash's inherited ideals (at least in the anime if i remember right, im not sure if the manga went as hard abt it) from rem abt people's potential for change. stampede also had meryl call vash a coward instead of wolfwood... which is then used for vash to call out nick's behavior in acting in a way that's not true to himself. so idk all in all, it felt like it repeatedly took moments from the original, but in a way where none of it made sense.

[100110010111000]

yes, im going to say it: i do not like jennette mccurdy.

in fact, i quite frankly hate her.

and before you all jump to attack me, please listen to what i have to say as i explain why:

all jennette mccurdy does is complain about her life even though she got the privilege to be a famous actor and have her talents recognized and make a lot of money. my mom is abusive but im not rich and famous. i was/am abused by my mom AND i have mental disorders AND im disabled AND im lgbt AND im poor AND my talents arent well-known AND my mom is still alive

and shes complaining about her character slapping people with a ham sandwich and the brightly colored set of sam & cat and working with a ditzy girl with a high pitched voice and being recognized as sam in public as if those are not extremely privileged things to complain about lmao. she may have been jealous of ariana bc she "didnt get it as good as her" (even though im sure ariana was being abused too) but does she not realize that she was still an extremely famous, rich actor? and that 99% of girls are jealous of HER?

i have no sympathy for rich famous people no matter what. sorry. countless girls have gone through the same thing as jennette at home and at work, have eating disorders and were sexually abused by their boss or mentally abused by their mothers, but they arent famous rich actors so they cant tell anyone and no one believes them and theyre poor and cant afford treatment and they continue to suffer and jennettes memoir does not help them or speak to them at all. they dont get to write a memoir and make millions of dollars off of it bc they were already famous. (plus, people think this type of abuse, mistreatment, and mental distress is just an actor-only thing or that actors get it the worst. anyone will listen to and believe a rich famous person, but poor people are still gonna go through this shit everyday, get the worst of it plus more, and nothing is going to change for them.)

many people, especially women, and including literal children, spend all of their time working their asses off full time/overtime and are mistreated, abused, and sexually abused or harrassed by their bosses and customers, while being paid minimum wage and getting zero recognition. they get nothing in return and still struggle to survive among all things. actors are not special except for the fact that they are rich and well-known.

im not about the "other people have it worse" type of mindset but here is where it absolutely, indisputably applies.

on top of all of this, much of jennette's memoir is very clearly exaggerations and even lies. first of all, no one can recall every detail of events like that down to exactly how each conversation went; that is quite literally impossible. and second of all, if you are a writer, it is very easy to tell that much of it was made up for artistic purposes

i'm allowed to have my own opinions. this is them. you can like her if you want, but i dont, and i think my reasons are valid. i have trauma too, and my experiences are why i feel this way. i dont think that should be disregarded.

[543634]

IM TALKING ABOUT MONEY AND MY childhood lmao its kinda long also some stuff might not make sense because of my awesome brain keeps thinking new sentences while im writing smth else

me and my sister are only two years apart yet when i was her age i was patiently waiting for my FOURTEENTH birthday when i finally got my first ever fucking smartphone and she got a fucking iphone a few months after she turned twelve and on her twelfth birthday she already got a phone but it wasnt good enough for her. and now she once again got the shit she wanted in the middle of the fucking year, not her birthday not on christmas or anything, no she wanted it randomly and just got what she wished for. my mom gifted her a fucking expensive ipad because my sister screamed long enough until my mom did what she wanted and to make ‘everything good again’ my mom said i can get a bike from her. for my sixteenth birthday. sure! yeah whatever you want, i definitely dont feel like shit because of the way im treated! no im really happy to get a bike! thank you!

and its not even because she got an ipad its because my mom always does everything for my little sister and when i jokingly say i want a pc she screams at me. right after she said i can wish for anything. cool. and then both of my parents keep complaining that they never know what i want because i never say anything. but the reason for that is my childhood!! when i was younger i always saw both of my parents saving as much money as possible, we had food and clothes and a home and that was it, we didnt had a tv or a car and most of my clothes were from strangers who no longer needed them and my mom always went for the cheaper options and gifts were only on special occasions like your birthday, or christmas and even then it was really not much, which i absolutely dont mind my younger self was happy with what it got. but i havent grown out of that mindset yet, i still guilty when i need to ask my parents anything money related which was one of the main reasons why i got a job. so i can be more independent and my parents need to spend less money on me. the situation has changed now and we are living way better but not much in my mind has changed so it feels so weird for me to ask for such a huge thing from my parents and then my parents also being okay with spending that much money? when i was younger i did ask for some expensive stuff and then my mom always pointed out the price and how we need to wait until its on sale or she just told me to get something cheaper. and so 8 year old me understood that expensive=do not buy. and this is still in my brain so thats like the reason im pissed rn

TL; DR: I HATE CAPITALISN

👍

thsi feels embarrassing to post

[makishinichi]

the first slam dunk spoilers under the cut

finally got to watch the slam dunk movie and it did not disappoint at all... slam dunk is one of my favourite mangas ever (if not favourite) and i was so worried that i had way too much high hopes considering inoue directed the movie but the movie just lived up to my expectations and more!

i’ve memorised the sannoh game by heart so i knew the outcome of the movie, but i did read up the synopsis and cast list and it was enough to tell me there was going to be some divergences from the manga. fair enough, it was probably a choice made by inoue to make the movie more beginner friendly. still, even with the minor changes, it was amazing!!!!

when i read the synopsis that miyagi was going to be the main character, i was honestly a little skeptical because how many short disadvantaged main characters (knb hq etc etc) were we going to get in sports anime?! but inoue chose to show the disadvantage visually instead of making people point out how short he is, i think there was only one or two instances where his height was pointed out. it was a much more refreshing change than listening to the same “oh he’s only 5 feet tall? what is he doing playing” or whatever nonsense we’ve been fed over the years lol. the story focused way more about miyagi’s mental and emotional struggles instead of his physical disadvantage. being short was the least of miyagi’s problems, and after all, he overcame that worry in the shoyo game so there was no need to address the height thing again. i loved that they didn’t focus too much on that.

personally there were parts about the miyagi family drama which felt too draggy and heavy for me, especially when it involved his mom. but maybe because i hate family conflict like if i wanted to watch family conflict i would just go home! but it didnt ruin the movie for me, i just felt it was a little out of place in a movie about sports for my personal taste.

but at the same time... the piercing one shot manga is really about miyagi!!!! like my jaw dropped when he was yelling at his big brother not to come back like hmmm i read that somewhere.... unfortunately ayako’s part of the manga wasn’t shown but that’s okay, i can always read the one shot again kjsnfskjnfsk

speaking of which ayakooooo... im gonna be real im sad she didn’t get much screentime since she’s a character who is really important to miyagi. not to mention miyagi’s crush on ayako was barely touched upon! but anyway that’s not the important part of the movie lmao. ayako has always been pretty but she was just sooo pretty in the movie. and how she encouraged miyagi made me smile so hard like wow you are the only het ship that matters.

not to mention MITSUI... i’ve always known inoue likes him but my god i didnt expect so much more backstory... playing against miyagi when they were younger, reuniting when they’re in high school, the two of them fighting, mitsui clutching his knee, mitsui seeing anzai sensei on a run, mitsui returning to basketball... obviously they cut out that super violent fight and the iconic “i want to play basketball” but godd.... mitsui was so present in the movie i prayed for days like these!!!

in relation to that i’m glad inoue didnt put too much physical pain in the movie. the gangster fights were kept to a minimum and werent too gory. miyagi crashing his bike wasn’t shown visually. mitsui’s knee injury was just implied. sakuragi’s back injury wasn’t too touched upon, just enough to shown that it was serious enough to potentially hurt his career. it would be too painful to handle if they touched deeply about moments like these i think lol.

my favourite part of the movie was how the sannoh game was directed. almost every important part of the game had its moment, but it moved at the same pace as how a basketball game would move. it had none of those typical manga-to-anime moments where the comedic relief or reactions were amplified, instead all the events and dialogue happened in a blink of an eye while the basketball was going on... that is my biggest biggest compliment about the movie like. inoue really knew what he was doing when he was directing this movie, each sequence felt so well thought out and executed perfectly. and my god, the final few seconds of the game were so brilliantly fleshed out, from the static-y, glitch-y animation when sannoh scored their last points, to the sudden burst in speed when shohoku did their final counter... the way the sound dwindled down to beats, to glitches, to nothing, and then to a burst of sound... it was all so deliberate and perfect.

speaking of sannoh.... they were soooo cute. it was a dream come true to see them animated. i wish they expanded more on the characters other than sawakita but inoue showed the characters’ traits visually, especially when it came to how kawata moved and played basketball. on still pictures it would be difficult to show the stark difference between sannoh and shohoku’s play, but animated, it really showed the difference in caliber between the players, especially sawakita and kawata. seeing mikio move around and hearing fukatsu saying dapyon is soooo damn cute!! it would be nice to see more of their personality but this is miyagi and shohoku’s story after all, not enough time to flesh out these opponents lol

ugh and of course i had to talk about the cast... its one of the main reasons why i got so excited to watch the movie! SHUUGO... im so proud of him.. i remember being so happy when the cast was released and he did such a great job, all of them did! iirc shuugo is also from okinawa so it fit miyagi really well since he’s from there too! when i saw kazama jun as mitsui i thought it was pretty much a perfect cast, and he proved me right! he was amazing as mitsui. same with miyake kenta as akagi! i was surprised to see sakamoto maaya as haruko but of course she did her job well. and i loved seto asami as ayako, she sounded so youthful and cute! 

sannoh were all great too, kawata especially stood out to me. but i think my biggest surprise came from takep as sawakita. when i saw the cast i was so shocked, i actually thought that if takep were ever cast in a slam dunk reboot, he would be mitsuii! i didn’t know how he was going to approach sawakita but he sounded sooo different from what i usually hear from him! he voiced sawakita with so much youthfulness i could barely recognise him until he pronounced certain words lmao. he captured sawakita’s genius and immaturity in equal parts, he was a perfect sawakita for sure! i did laugh when sawakita cried at the end though because it reminded me of that time when i watched caligula and takep’s character was screaming and crying too lmao.

overall everything was fantastic. even the music which i wasnt expecting much from was so well thought out. the sound and music production / direction was so on point, quiet and glorious in all the right places. not to mention the little glimpses of other characters, like uozumi and kainan and sendoh were a treat for long suffering fans (me)! i don’t know how other long-time fans feel about the ret-conning at certain parts, and i don’t know how newbies feel about the plot, but for me it was pretty much the perfect movie. i truly felt that the reason why the movie was so well executed was because inoue was at the helm. he was in charge of how the movie would turn out, and it was done excellently. overall just a wonderful movie, chock full of nostalgia, and it literally felt like my childhood dreams came true lmao. all i had to do was wait for fifteen years!

[horce-divorce]

it's very very weird having both sides of my family be affluent. my family is full of people who have never been homeless, some of them even have multiple homes, and yet homeless is all I have ever been in my adult life.

and they just sit around and watch me struggle and then ask why I don't come to Xmas dinner bc they miss me sooOOooOOoOo much. lmfao.

liberals are literally useless. a jackass in a MAGA hat telling me outright that he thinks I should die is honestly doing me more of a service than all of my family members who have sat around and WATCHED me struggle without saying a damn thing, all while singing a song and dance about caring for poor people, disabled people, trans and gay people, about how it SHOULDN'T be like this! Wow! It's just so terrible! :/ SOMEBODY should do something!!! :/ Anywayyyyyyz girls' golf weekend in Florida lol 🤪

at least the MAGATS are honest. it has done something to my brain to grow up in a family that CLAIMS to care about each other, but actually espouses completely conservative ideals when it comes to actually, you know, being human people. A family that raised me not to look away from panhandlers, who shake their heads and say 'everyone should have a home smh... really sucks that you're living in the woods rn... we gotta keep pushing em left.... good thing you like camping, at least! oh, you have to abandon your whole life and the only person who offered to help is in CO? I'm so jealous you get to see the mountains!!!! What? MY house has an extra room? No, thats your dad's office, he's using it. I cant just have people in My Sacred Space, you know.'

gee, what's that like, mom? what's it like having a sacred space. what's it like having a space that belongs to you at all. because I've never had that. growing up, my things were actually her things. she could throw them out if she wanted. she could redecorate if she wanted. she made it abundantly clear that "my stuff" was actually stuff she loaned to me, and her approval was the condition of having any of it. One time I got a .25c sticker from a capsule machine that said "who cut the cheese?!" and she made me get rid of it bc she didn't like fart jokes. One time, she left for a weekend and threatened to divorce my dad bc he bought me a lunchable, and she didnt approve of that sort of junk food.

One time when I was about 10, I told her I hated her for the first time, and she wrote in her journal that if she had known all the love and care she poured into me as a baby would have been for nothing, she'd never have become a parent.

She GAVE me that journal, btw, lmao. I have it now. That's one of the less unhinged things she said in it. The primary purpose of the journal being to prove to me, once and for all, how loved and wanted I've always been.

Until I hit puberty, and until I developed mental health problems, and until I found out I was trans, and until I dropped out of school. And until I was finally 18 and legally no longer her problem.

Then the narrative changed from "we'll always love you and support you unconditionally!" To, 'I know [being homeless] must be hard, but I wouldn't want to rob you of your accomplishments.' (Also something she actually wrote in the journal when I dropped out of college and became homeless due to chronic illness.)

Idk like I grew up with all these big promises about supporting each other, and now my rich aunties with the nice RVs and golf carts for putting around town and the vacation homes and multiple cars and extravagant lifestyles act like they're fucking embarrassed to be around me lmao.

So you admit it? You admit being rich and liberal and having homeless family members makes you look bad? Hmmm???? I wonder why that is????????

[v-r-i-s-vris-v-r-i-s]

I LOVE BAD ART

hiii im thyme (ze/zir/they/them), one of the 4 ppl w accces to this acct, and sry for spelling, im dysgraphic + actualy typing and not using speach-to-text like normal

ANYWAYS

i LOVE bad art, and i HATE when ppl get upset i say that!

i grew up w a lot of pressuer on me to be good, definetly in general, but also absolutly w art!! my mom was an artist, and i grew up VERY christian. everything i did reflected on god, and more importantly to my mom, on her.

she was so exited to have a kid who LOVED art and stuff like her, but i was never good enough. she would always tell everyone how good i was, how i was gifted by god, and how much i took after her. (she was v self centered and would majorly talk up anything that made her look good, yikes i know)

so ppl would be naturaly interested and exited to see! and then i would be forced to show them some art, which, keep in mind, was verry age appropriate and full of the generally goofy stuff i loved, and 9/10 they would be dissapointed. even if they werent my mom decided to constantly pressure me to do better.

this was really stressful obv, and i stopped drawing for the first time. when i got into middle school, i started again, this time not really ttelling my mom. i was happier, but had already had it impressed down onto me that my art had to be good to warrant existing or taking my time. i was v stressed by it, and as i slowly started to get more comfortable i was imedietly bombarded with competition.

i struggled to get better in the ways that seemed easy for anyone else, PDA kicked in as soon as i felt something NEEDED to be done, and i was compaird to everyone my age and younger and told how much better theye were.

i never wanted to make it a competition, i just wanted to have fun. i wanted to do something hands on that could express me better than my words ever could (undiagnosed autism at the time made me feel verry weird and thuroughly broken, and explaining that wo imedietly getting invalidating and patronizing answers simply did not happen)

i stoped drawing again. i changed schools and had a better art teacher. she wasnt a dick bout my art, but definetly acted overly suportev(possibly im anxiose and projecting past art trauma onto her lmao and she was just being normal, she was cool af tho). i starded drawing more, on and offf, and got REALLY depressed and burnt out. one of the ways it manifested was being unable to be creative.

but things did get better!!! got an autism diagnosis and educated myself more on my dysgraphia diagnosis(got in elementry school), came out, made freinds who brought me to queer music and caberet shows(tysm phoenix), and was able to move out!

as im now on my own, my art drive has rissen signifigantly, especily as im surounded by other art enjoying weirdos(complementary). but i still hate when someone says that my art is good or bad. constructive advice and support is always valued, but there are so many mediums and people and styles, how on earth do we judge that?? having to be good enough for everyone to warent my own existance and hobbies almost killed me, and sucked all of the joy out of my life.

ive seen people who got so happy to doodle, only to stop forever when someone makes a remark on skill with their age. ive seen family stop bc someone joked abt their stick figures or car drawings, because even if the joker didnt mean it outside of a goofy remark, the joke was meanspirited and ment to put the artist down. I HATE THIS??!?!

WHO DECIDES WHATS GOOD ENOUGH TO EXIST??? capitilism? christianity? the example of two dead ppl from history???

obviosly i dont fuck w that.

art is something made to express something, how are you going to take such a broad catagory and shove it into your biased and sad binary?

so i proudly call my art bad. as an ongoing rebelion against everyone who thought and thinks that something has to fit their binary of goodto exist. i say bd to help myself unlearn the shitty things that were pushed onto me, and as a way of saying i dont have to be anyone's good to warent my own joy.

some ppl will cut in here, theyll tell me not to talk badly about myself (im not). theyl say even if i dont mean it bad, my brain will internalize it as a negative(i dont think that applies here?) or theyll spew some capitlistic bs (HUH, GUESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.)

no hate to others reclaiming their art and love for it in different ways,this is just how it works for me. in in my art vocabulary, bad means not locking itself into the harsh expectations of good, and i find that incredibly freeing :)

[lemonlovemeanslove]

while im on the topic, i wonder how much i personally have contributed to this problem, bc when it comes to making friends irl, where i can see what the person looks like before i get to know them, i have always hanged out and made friends with pretty people, with people that i find attractive. not bc im attracted to them per say, its more of an unconscious thing. and yes my idea of beauty goes beyond what social media said bc ive been friends with plenty of fat people, but thats bc i dont see fat as not attractive, not in other people , with me its more difficult bc ive been bullied by my mother about my weight since age 14 so im kinda sick when it comes to this topic in general, but that doesn't change the fact that the girls who i would consider to be amongst the best looking out of all girls ive been friends with was also the biggest, in both height and weight. But it feels like an excuse, bc if i don't find fatness to be a deterrer from beauty, doesn't that make me just as shallow?

i also realize that i actually dont have the greatest authority on this topic, being conventionally attractive, which my sister (who is STUNNING btw) reminded me of when we were talking about how looks really aren’t that important, when really, they are, its just that we have always benefited from that fact, and never really been victims of it (expect from our mother who HATES and i mean HATES our bodies, like my sister has never in her life been overweight, even by the bullshit medical definition, and yet she’s been called everything under the sun by our mom lmao)

I just think that i might actually not be that objective when it comes to this stuff. Like me not wearing makeup has NEVER been a on im going against society thing, or I actively dont want to participate in this aspect of the beauty change. I thought of it was boring and the idea of wearing something on my face is a sensory nightmare for me. i feel like im being suffocated when i wear makeup or nail polish, like i can feel it on me, which made me anxious. But if I hadn’t come from a family of good looking people with great skin, if i at any point in my life had struggled with acne, or anything similar, would I have submitted? despite how unpleasant wearing makeup is for me from a sensory point of view? bc im most certainly fucked up about weight and food and eating, and how falling into phases of disordered eating plenty of times in my life. idk if any of it would count as an eating disorder, i dont know what ''counts'' or what doesn’t (sorries if this is a very triggering way of speaking about this stuff just trying to be honest). But if i didnt know that my face was ''good'' lol, would my mess around body image be worse of? if i could rely on my face? bc its always been a comfort for me, being pretty. like im not a model which is fine bc i dont want to be, i don’t really want to look different face wise, I do really like my face. I would never rate my fave tho bc i think its sick to rate yourself the sick sick behaviour like never ever do it if people ask u to do it tell them no im not doing that weirdo. but like, when ive been upset of felt like a failure and i walk past a mirror i can stop and go well at least i have that god i love being pretty. i don’t really think that makes me a bad person, just that it's probs bad FOR me. to centre my looks less, which i dont do a lot compared to most girl my age (which isnt really saying anything given how fucked up everyone is nowadays) is probably in my best interest. But it's HARD. bc i really enjoy being pretty. i enjoy finding myself pretty I enjoy others finding me pretty. like this whole thing started bc i was introduced to a stranger and the first thing she said to me was wow ur really beautiful, like she looks great, and my friend said yes im always telling her that. and it make me feel GREAT. maybe better than i should. def more that we should, as humans.

At the same time, i worry about not being good looking enough for my family, like my parents are good looking, essentially my mom, who is gorge, and all my siblings are good looking, and i get this worry sometimes, like, what if im the least good looking of my siblings (i think this bc im the biggest out of all of them) which is crazy bc were siblings so we all look alike and several people have asked if me and my older sister are twins when they first meet us and she is pretty much my idea of beautiful but idk. Im fucked up both ways, i guess. I was never never ever self-conscious about my weight until my mother, so now im sick in that regard, but im also sick in the way i use my looks as a crutch. I need to work on both, admitting it to myself is probs a good first step or whatever. rant over i think

[blackvail22]

i talk here a bunch each day because i have no one else to talk to.

its sad, honestly.

i couldnt go to my counseling appointment, so i wont be able to see her again for another 2 weeks

thats nearly a month since ive seen her

im not doing very well so this isnt good at all lmao

idk how im going to make it another 2 weeks but all i can do is try ...

i think i start work again next week. im afraid of what has changed... probably not a lot. all i know is we have a new manager, and ive heard he's nice

i have a postop appt on tuesday for my tonsillectomy. finally i will have what my disease means explained to meeee. i keep thinking about it, and its been bothering me. i probably wont know if i have another surgery until after my next ct scan (they have to space them out so i dont get exposed to too much radiation and i had one less than a month ago) and idk when that is

im so bored. i have to be the problem

i really think i am

"my friends wont reach out" but when i reach out its super dry and they varely engage. maybe im seeing it in the wrong perspective. maybe my vision is skewed, and im seeing it in the wrong light.

maybe its because theyre busy

maybe at work

going to work

hanging out with other friends

going to hang out with other friends

i want to have a good friend group so bad but i feel like i cant have one

i feel like my only friend was em even though she used me. oh, i dont know if i ever told u the reason why we arent friends anymore

so, i dont have the best memory of the order everything happened, but ill do my best to sort it out

after spending a bunch of time together, we started to fade away. i would ask her if she wanted to spend the night, she would hesitate for a good 30 minutes, talk to her mom, and then say "sure". sometimes she wouldnt wait until we ate dinner (but a good amount of times she did) until shed say "oh i forgot something at home" or "my stomach hurts" and id walk to her house with her (except the times when she'd tell me not to).

when i walked with her, she would always say "ill be right back" and then shed be gone for 10 minutes and her mom would come out and be like "hey... she doesnt feel well so she's going to say home". and each time i would walk home crying. at this point, she was already blowing me off, not talking to me, and overall being rude, but i still went back to her every time.

this rare occasion was in early september of 2017. we only hung out, and then she said she had someone else shes hanging w at her house. she had become friends with people that hated my sister as well as a girl that honestly no one knows. em started to become them... like literally she became a copy of them. the whole group of girls would tell her that my sister is a fat, ugly whore. they fed her all of this, and they would talk and call my sister names and generally talk shit about her

a few days after i heard abt this, i saw things from em that she was having a hard time. i was outside doing yard work, and she was walking by. i said "hey, i hope you feel better" and she yelled "fuck you" at me while, again, giving me the finger.

i dont know what i did, but that was the last time in years that we would talk to each other. we would be "friends" on the bus the few days she went to school sophomore year...

now, though? i dont exist to her. i saw her at my work TWICE this past year, once being on my recent birthday, and she pretended she didnt know me. i look the same as i did before... this most recent time, she was with her boyfriend, one of the friends from '17 and her mom. as i greeted them, everyone looked over except her... her mom even did a double take.

she claims she doesnt know why our friendship went to shit when we were toxic to each other our whole friendship. it was never healthy.

she seems to be happy though, at least happier than me. shes pregnant again. im not sure of the gender, but i think its going to be a boy. she's always wanted to be a mom, so i hope shes a good one.

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

pt 2 . still vicky. 31, 35, 40, 51, 67, 69. 🙄

NO need for all of these rolling eyes SMH... u didnt evven have to send these sirrrr

ANYWAY link back to the 69 ttrpg asks i GUESS

31. do they respond well to praise? how about criticism?

as said in the last ask he does respond well to praise however it all depends on WHO is praising and how OVERT and how OFTEN... praise him too much and he'll get MAD but praise him too little and he will also get mad, he doesnt respond well to criticism. if you criticise him too much he may actually completely hate ur ass, but thats if he thinks it isnt deserved and EVEN THEN he will still get annoyed like whatever man >:/

35. when did they feel loneliest?

i feel like this ones a LITTLE obvious but while his mom was in the hospital probably! his childhood home would be all empty he'd have no one to come home to and he would only come home after doing jobs and visiting her so he had no time for literally anyone or anything else, not that he really had the energy for anything else anyway, at least after she died he would go out and just talk to anyone off the street but while she was still alive it was just him and a dying woman while he pushed away anyone else bc he felt extremely vulnerable during this time too (he was also like. 25 so he was also just dealing w being a young adult and all the angst there so . he was NOT doing well)

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?

GOOD QUESTION id probably make his hair different, change his backstory a lil and quite a few scars ! alot of stuff w him is either in active development or straightened out so id probably change more of the actually established stuff ... maybe give him a different clothing style, make him more outward with some traits like his musical ability... hmmm this is such an interesting q

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

ALOT OF IT im always very proud of my lil characters backstories hehe... i try to make them all make sense for the person a character has developed into and i feel like vickys especially really reflects that, if i really had to choose one aspect it would be how death just follows him all throughout his backstory, people dying annd leaving him left and right making him really feel surrounded by it ya kno... not even just with the obvious stuff like ALOT of his childhood friends end up dying lmao its just fun themes ...

67. do they consider themselves to be special?

NO absolutely not, hes literally described himself as just another average joe DESPITE COMPLETELY NOT BEING ONE . this man cannot die and works for like 5 different mobs and yet hes like nah im just a normal single father man, idk why ur saying im so weird. he also just gets weirded out by the idea of someone finding him so special... ofc he really would love to be special in a way he can control, i suppose thats really it huh, he really loves control and if people find him special for his deathlessness or anything its like... ok but he doesnt CONTROL that... he can control his talents though so if someone found him special for that hed be like YEAH literally im so cool

69. what’s one secret they don’t want getting out?

the classic. lets go through the obvious ones, his deathlessness, even though its an open secret he really doesnt like people talking about it, his crime too of course but he doesnt even care that much about that either, like even less, his daughter even knows and has talked abt how he kills people for money so... his whole past is a secret even to his daughter bc hes just a private person... i suppose also the main one would be his real name (for people who dont know his real legal name isnt actully vicky love, its louis cox! ( louis pronounced louey bc hes french lol)) he started fully going by vicky when his mom died so he just doesnt like to be called louis bc it reminds him of his 'past life' ... hes got alot of secrets huh... these are really the only things he DOESNT want to get out tho, most other things hes private about he doesnt really care if people learn it

[justanartisticduck]

Sooo, you got any HCs for Harry and Robin when they were younger?

Okok so I’m currently answering an ask you sent abt these two earlier (the reason it’s taking me forever is cuz I am rambling up a STORM in it-) however I will never miss a chance to talk abt these two so I do have a few headcannons I’ll share!!!!!

ok so this is a basic headcanno but it is essential to know this when looking at my Red and Duck interpretations. Ok so basically uh haha so red and Duck are the “and they were roommates“ meme in a nutshell- why do I say this? Well its because these two did move in together when they were younger in fact!!! Duck- well- as you know they had it very rough in their childhood- (WARNING: child abuse/neglect mentioned alongside implications of homophobia- plus this also mentions disowning- please skip this bit if you wish not to see or read abt this stuff, skip to this 🦆 if you wish to keep reading without this stuff) so, after a not so accepting reaction to them coming out about both their sexuality and gender to their parents they found out they were going to be sent away- if they refused they would be disowned and this is when Rodney, their twin brother, comes in and practically urges Robin to run away since wherever they were being sent to was likely not good- (🦆) so, Duck ran away to the only other person they knew would accept them… Red. So that night they went to his house asking if they could stay a few nights (because they had no idea whether they would be accepted back into their old household at that time) so they were welcomed with open arms and since then Duck has been with Red!!! That day changed everything for them both, more and more days passed that duck lived with Red and his mom and Duck was in a house where they could be themselves!!! Alongside that they were able to go to the same school that Red did!! :DDD each time I think of red and duck from these days it just warms my heart <3 also pssst- they were roommates and even now in my au they still are!!! (Well- whenever Duck is not at college ofc) but they were always there for eachother, they were really the only friends they both had at that time really!! But they mean a bunch to eachother- Both red and duck nowadays in my au really havent changed much from how they used be as kids! ^^

Oh also bonus headcannon! I like to believe when Duck moved in they didn’t have many baggy shirts that would fit them and once they grew out of/into those baggy shirts they freaked out, (bc these shirts are no longer baggy and fit them well- too well and they hated it-) so they panicked about not having anything they could wear comfortably when Red was like “oh… well uh.. I have some old shirts of mine that you can use!” And that brings me to my headcannon that for the longest time they wore Reds stuff since it helped them express their gender comfortably! (Also fun fact! Red gave Duck a old smash mouth sweater he had that didnt fit him and let’s just say duck LOVED IT! They just uh… have no idea what the heck smash mouth is- they still have this sweater too btw XD man I need to draw them in it lmao-)

Anyways that’s all I’m gonna share here!!! Now I’ll try my best to finish my other ramble in the ask you had sent in a while back ago (bc i love talking abt these two!) but I hope you enjoyed this small ramble tho!! :D