#i hate capitalism so fucking much dude

[babsaros]

oh boy i love the panopticon

[i-dont-bite]

i've been cancelled for the 2nd time on twitter because i thought finn wolfhard going to starbucks was not such a big deal lol

[simonghostrileys]

nividia has really fucked it up for us geforce now free users. i know membership users get priority bc well they paid for it but they really didn't have to fuck us up so hard like we can spend 6+ hours in queue only to get stuck at a random number and for the queue to not move further and to top it all off you can get remove from the queue for 'inactivity' like wtf?? as if waiting 6+ hours to play wasn't enough you can just get kicked out bc nvidia feels like it

[what-if-i-dee-eye-do]

I know I promised myself I wouldn't ever try to kill myself again but like. hee hoo

[fridayyy-13th]

siiiiiigh.

[midnightwind]

remembering the dumbest discussion about A/I I ever had and wanting to walk towards the guy with a bat in a definitely not menacing way

[isildheir]

Honestly, my abuser saying Louis was just as bad as Lestat or basically implying they hate how people write Lestat off as more abusive than he is or that Louis was just as abusive was a red flag I should've put a lot more stock into.

[exopelagic]

I’m kinda glad I spent so much time looking at crop science this term bc turns out it’s unbearable and I couldn’t actually do this like I was considering. Progress!!

[jesskasb]

yknow i figured thered be different endings depending on who you hung out with in nitw but im not ready to find out what they are. i also didnt know for sure if there WERE different endings but i just googled and like ive been having out with bea more bc mae seemed to have more baggage with her and i wanted to solve it but i didnt know that meant i wouldnt be on the gregg route or whayever. oh well theres always next time i guess

[ahalliance]

antoine + étoiles insane moments for ur consideration :] @etoilesbienne @icockeatpanda @jahanmp4

eng transcript below:

[Video Transcript:

(First clip plays.)

Antoine: Look at what’s written in the heart, dude.

Etoiles: Holy shit, it’s you and me, dude!

Antoine: Oh yeah, A + E, dude

(overlapping) Etoiles: Antoine and Etoiles. Dude, holy shiiiit

Etoiles: Hey all that is destiny, dude

Antoine: I’m the one who did it in the hopes of stumbling across it on Geoguessr one day

Etoiles: Fuck, and after all these years you’ve finally realised your objective

Antoine: And yeah, dude….

Etoiles: peepoShy, as we say

(Second clip plays.)

Etoiles: Where are you, Antoine?

Antoine: I’m on— I’m on the blue level of the TDM (Tour de Merde)

Etoiles: Where are you, darling? I’m coming

Antoine: The blue level of the TDM

Florence: No but he’s horny, Rayou, tonight

Bagz: But Rayou— he arrived— he arrived (to the stream) saying, “I’m exhausted’, and he’s really in shape!

Antoine: He just wants to fuck, Rayou, tonight. He wants to fuck so badly tonight

Etoiles: But I said ‘darling’!

(overlapping) Bagz: In ‘Just Fucking’ (as a Twitch stream category)

Etoiles: No but I hate you all, bro

(Third clip plays.)

Antoine: I want to vape but I can’t

Etoiles: Vape my ass, dude

Antoine: Wow, what the fuck? What—

(Fourth clip plays.)

Etoiles: Well I don’t know what my favourite party is, is it the one where we played the capitals game? Or—

Antoine: Or the one where I sucked you off? Oh, no, sorry. No, you were saying? Yeah

Etoiles: That one— that one was crazy

(overlapping) Antoine: Sorry, my bad

(Fifth clip plays.)

Etoiles: Antoine I just looked at the camera, you’re incredibly handsome, dude

Antoine: Really?

Etoiles: Yeah. You have a cool look about you

Zerator: You mean, as opposed to normal?

Etoiles: Yeah, because usually you’re disgusting but here, honestly… I find you very fuckable tonight

Antoine: Well, thanks so much dude

(Sixth clip plays.)

Etoiles: Me, I’ve never cried. The only time I’ve had water on my face is when I’ve showered

Antoine: When I performed a facial on you too, no?

Florence: Oh nooooo. No but I respect it, you guys do what you want

Etoiles: Actually it’s not water it’s sperm

Antoine: In sperm there’s water, dude

(Cuts to a later portion of the same stream.)

Etoiles: Y’know you’re only gross with me, with your other friends you don’t make jokes like that

Antoine: That’s true. I don’t know why I’m like this with you. Maybe I should be asking myself questions, bro. I don’t know!

end Video Transcript.]

[wilwheaton]

favorite goncharov character

Goncharov! Holy shit I haven't thought about Goncharov in YEARS!

I remember seeing it at the Vista theatre downtown in ... I want to say 1983? It was either 82 and I was 10, or 83 and I was 11. Now that I think about it, it must have been Spring of 83. I remember that Kimmy Mendini was my babysitter, and she drove my friend Ahmed and me all the way downtown to see Goncharov. She would have been at least 16, but I feel like she was a little older. I remember that she LOVED movies and just never stopped talking about European cinema.

Ha! I can still her her sort of roll "Cinema" out of her mouth. Movies were for the masses to watch, while sophisticated adults experienced Cinema. I'm just realizing now that she absolutely pronounced it with a capital C. She was like "you are so lucky to see a clean print of Goncharov!"

I had no idea what a clean print was, but I understood it was important and impressive.

She had read about this screening in the LA Weekly, which I didn't know at the time was TREMENDOUSLY subversive in our suburban part of Los Angeles County, and we were going to an old theatre in maybe not the greatest part of town, but Kimmy had been watching me since I was in second grade and was like my big sister. I knew we'd be safe with her.

That old theatre (which is now a fucking swap meet) was just so beautiful inside. 100 foot ceilings, box seats, gold paint and murals. It felt like a place you went to experience Cinema, but, like ... it had absolutely seen better days. I remember that I felt kind of bad for the place, a little embarrassed, like when I got a good grade and accidentally made eye contact with a friend who got a D.

Okay. This clearly hit a memory artery, and I appreciate you staying with me this far, when we finally get to the fireworks factory. We're walking up to the box office, and she tells Ahmed and me that we have to wait on the sidewalk, because *technically* it's rated R, and she's not our legal guardian, but what does this guy making two bucks an hour know about art anyway?

So we wait. She buys the tickets, and then we all walk in as casually as we can.

I remember how scared I was that we were going to get caught and they'd call the cops (that's how it worked in my anxiety-ridden brain), but literally nobody cared. The theatre wasn't even half full, and everyone there was a dude at least as old as my parents.

You know the story, so I don't have to recount all of it, but I can at this very moment remember how shocked I was when Bruno was shot. This was the first time, ever, I had felt an emotional connection to a character. I didn't cry when Bambi's mother was shot, I didn't cry when ET died, I didn't cry E V E R.

But when Bruno died? I didn't make a sound. I just silently wept. Tears just poured down my face and I wanted to roll back time, rewrite the movie, and get him out of that room.

I obviously understand now, all these years later why I connected to him and why his story meant and means so much to me, but at the time I had no idea. I just thought the actors were that good.

I can't believe that guy who played him died so young. I think he was like 40? I remember thinking that was old. Now I know different.

When the movie was over, Kimmy asked us how we liked it. Ahmed was obsessed with the photography (he grew up to be an illustrator), and I obviously had my Bruno Moment.

We got Thrifty ice cream on the way home and listened to Donna Summer in her Datsun.

I haven't thought about Goncharov or Cinema or Kimmy in FOREVER. Leave it to Tumblr to boost my nostalgia check to a natural 20.

tl;dr: Bruno. I know he's supposed to be that character we all hate, and there are so many valid reasons for that. But when I was 12 ... well, I was a different person.

Oh! And now that I know what a "clean print" is, having seen so many "dirty prints" in revival houses before they all turned into swap meets or churches (hey, two places where people sell you stuff and take your money!), I retroactively appreciate it in a way that would make Kimmy happy.

Thanks for the trip into the crumbling mall that is my childhood memories. I haven't been here in awhile and it was nice to visit.

[ashprompts]

𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

a collection of sentence starters from dropout tv's game changer. feel free to alter pronouns/text as you see fit

“I’ve been here THE WHOLE TIME”

“It’s hard to hold this much anger in my body.” 

“If you never hear from me again, you know what to do!.”

“If they don’t find me it’s because I was chopped up and fed to the pigs!”

“I SOLVED YOUR LABYRINTH, PUZZLEMASTER. THE MINOTAUR’S ESCAPED, AND YOU’RE GONNA GET THE HORNS, BUDDY”

“I. CANNOT. WIN!!!!”

“A lot of people have been saying that ___ is a singularly evil, wildly incompetent, befuddled nepo baby silver spoon motherfucker. This is what people are saying.” 

“If you can do ONE swing on the swing I will let you play with all the math puzzles that you want” 

“You’re not getting a FUCKING JOKE OUT OF ME until you let me out of this room! You want bits?! You let me out of this room for bits, motherfucker!”

“Are we gonna die before we get outta here?” 

“I’m gonna lose so fucking hard it’s gonna blow your fucking mind”

“But in this sick rodeo, this bizarre fucked up clown festival, we’re here celebrating what I can only describe as the sickness at the core of America.” 

“Give me the assignment and I don’t miss. I’m gonna DIE before this is over.”

“Your tower’s gonna fall. Laugh it up now.” 

“A river of sweat is running down my back right now.”

“I do hate zombies and I will have nightmares about this tonight. But in this moment I just feel like I’m surrounded by friends.” 

“We don’t give a cum.”

“If you’re in a hole, DYING. I WON’T BE THERE.”

“I showed them my feet, [name]! I SHOWED THEM MY FEET FOR NOTHING?”

“Stop shaking your cock in the middle of a fucking huddle, dude!”

“I’d fuck that pie.”

“If you’re like me, you eat a lot of ass.”

“I hate capitalism but I also hate losing.”

“I get my tongue so far up somebody it’s like I’m tasting their tonsils. I get so deep in there I’m gonna burn myself with stomach acid.”

“I like perching like a little bisexual gargoyle”

“If you were performing on a subway I would take money away from you.”

“I’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO PULL THE THREAD ON THIS SWEATER.”

“Icarus flying too close to the sun, but it seems Daedalus our little mastercrafter over here had some WAX WINGS OF HIS OWN, didn’t he? Wanted to see his son fall, faaaalll from the sky, OH HOW CLOSE TO THE SUN HE FLEW”

“Hey can I get an ah? … Don’t scream at me.” 

“You kinda have the vibe that your kids call you by your first name.”

“The day I DON’T curse when a body falls from the sky, call somebody.”

“Could I place an order? I’m hungie. What do you think would be the best pizza to order if I’m quite hungie? Um, I like cheese, what is your largest pizza? Yeah let’s get an extra large because I’m hungie. I’m hungie, I’m hungie, I’m hungie.” 

“WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!!!”

“So long as I am on this stage and drawing breath, you can good and goddamn believe I’ll be trying my best in every challenge.”

“Was it bad that we just started smashing shit?” 

“You didn't count on INGENUITY did you motherfucker?!”

“FIGHT THE BOURGEOISIE. I WILL VENMO YOU $20.” 

“This could be hell. This is very Satre-esque.”

“YOU ARE NOT GOD. THE MACHINE IS GOD.”

“Can you tell us why you’d do this to us?”

“I won’t be made a fool”

“I do feel like I’m in a nightmare”

“I’m the only one OUT of the loop it seems”

“Everybody do the wenis! The wenis is a dance! Everybody is a genius! Who knows it in advance!” 

"DANCE IS A SIN!"

"You think I'm gonna fucking roll over?!"

"It'll be a COLD DAY IN HELL when I go out like a fucking chump!"

"I don't care about winning, I just don't wanna lose"

[pepper-makes-art]

relavity falls stans, graunts, n friends

oK THEYRE HERE NOW AND NOT JUST FIDDLEFORD!!!

fiddleford can be found here!!!

i wish i could've done more sketches but im a bit busy atm </3 will def do some on the weekends though!!

on the au:

instead of taking place in 2014, it takes place in 2024 now! which doesnt rlly change much outside of appearances and slang lol.

bold is what their au name is

stanford (ford) <--> dipper

pretty self explanatory! i feel like stanford'd be an x-men fan, hence the x patch on his shoulder lol. also yes, dipper is a trans woman here. and she has glasses bc fuck dude i hate drawing regular eyes.. i thought the design looked a bit empty, so i decided to make that cool glove thing ford had dipper's robot hand thingy!

stanley (lee) <--> mabel (mason)

stanley now wears a hat. hoorah. nothing much to say here besides him also smuggling shanklin in (w/o the knife unfortunately). mabel's still impersonating her sibling (who, before the portal scene, doesn't know that she's a girl now) under the name of mason, but has ultimately shed her sibling's fashion tastes for her own. mabel wears a turtleneck UNDER the suit bc she doesnt feel heat apparently!

candy <--> wendy

candy's now a 15 yo asian kid who took up the cashier job under grauntie bc she needed more extracurriculars and the experience. totally cant relate to that haha. wendy's now a 12 yo mischievous lil lumberjack who's best friends w/ stanley (i thought it'd be interesting since theyre all now still associated w each other) and who has ALL the middle school tea (which is A LOT)

grenda <--> soos

as much as i want the ages to line up relatively (haha get it.), i think it'd be funny if mabel just hired a bunch of teenagers to run the shack (not sure what to call it). grenda's the 15 yo handy(wo)man who has the voice of an angel and the golden mentality of "smash with couch"! soos is now a friendly n equally naive 12 yo who's best friends w stanely (yada yada) and who somehow always solves problems

on dipper and mabel (will be using he/him for pre-transition dipp):

hoo boy. i see SO many ppl arguing abt their relationship, and i just gotta say, i can tell who has siblings and who doesn't! (joke. thats a joke. mostly) anyways, theyre good siblings!! up until high school, where after drifting apart somewhat, they have a big argument abt where theyre going in life - dipper wants to go to insert rlly good college name and become a scientist while mabel, well, she doesn't know where she wants to go. unbeknownst to them, while theyre fighting, their parents are also fighting. suddenly, their parents split, and mabel is forced to live with her mom and dipper with his dad, far apart from each other. dipper (wearily) accepts this while mabel silently resents dipper for his submission

dipper attends his dream school but is unhappy in his schooling years. afterwards, with his 12 phds or whatever the hell, he goes to a quaint town named relativity falls... mabel becomes an artist of sorts, taking commissions n such, but finds that this doesn't exactly lead to profit. she then becomes a sort of con(wo)man and psychic in attempts to capitalize the strange. she DEF doesn't get into as much srs trouble as stanley did back in his day, but she still lands herself in hot water from scamming and stealing across state lines...

im tired rn so lmk if yall wanna hear more lol.

[isa-ghost]

phil and cellbit hcs?

VESPER YOUR MIND...

qPhil headcanons masterlist

When Phil needs answers on something, he goes straight to Cellbit (at least pre-Purgatory, he's switched to Bagi over the months bc they've gotten much closer).

Another reason he's so pissed abt the reset is bc the Feds took them the fuck away from The Order, which had all of Cellbit's tools for figuring out the weird new shit they encounter on QI

ANOTHER reason Phil hates the reset is bc there's not much weird shit going on over here? It's just?? Capitalism?? There's nothing to take pictures of for Cellbit. And he really misses dropping an entire goldmine of new pictures for theorizing on Cellbit and watching how excited he gets about it :(

See, Phil and Cellbit were close prior to Purgatory; look at the Order, Phil picking his domain (idr their formal names), etc. But Purgatory did.. something. I mean, it did something to all of Bolas, but something extra to these two's friendship. The leader role, the way Cellbit fell into a sort-of second in command & substitute when Phil wasn't around, Phil (was meant to be) rescuing Cellbit & Baghs. It was teamwork and brothers in arms shit to a degree they'd previously not reached. It's permanently intensified their bond and trust in each other. Which I can't wait to see unfold if Cellbit keeps getting worse. >:D

It's a 50/50 if Phil is concerned about Cellbit's (re)rising murderous tendencies and potentially "resurfacing" cannibal habits or if he's just like "Haha, friend is stabby, lookit him go. :)"

I have a hot take. Roier to Etoiles in Purgatory is Cellbit to Phil. Loyal attack dog more than happy to create bloodshed for their equally scary leader. The authority aspect has kinda gone away post-Purgatory but Cellbit will still kill a man if Phil says do it. Phil wouldn't ask that of him if he didn't have a good reason.

Phil is super awed and inspired by Cellbit's building skills. Idiot will be like "damn, wish I could build like that" as if he can't. Bitch you just refuse to!!! (I want these two to build something big and sick together so bad)

I don't know how things would've played out if Cellbit was present for EK possession things but I know it would've been fucked up and intense. And I can't explore it in AMFMN because Cellbit & Baghera are still missing in it. 😔

That said, Cellbit gets told Phil was possessed by some old piece of shit he used to know and is immediately like "Phil I will fight god for you, I don't give a FUCK"

Phil absolutely loves watching Richas take on more and more of Cellbit's unhinged traits. He's a bit worried he's gonna become a little ball of murder too, but Richas has like half the fucking island as parents, he'll be fiiiiiine.

I don't remember if qPhil knows about the Purgatory 2 murder spree stuff but I like to think he doesn't yet because boy would his reaction be spicy :) If he does know and I've forgotten, he 100% didn't entirely process just How fucked it was.

As close as they've become and as,, kinda chill? Phil has been about the whole murder thing?? He's still deeply worried about Cellbit in other ways post-Purgatory. Dude's seemed withdrawn, he can't remember the last time he saw him with Roier, and just overall things have been different to a degree Phil is sure isn't normal or a slow bounce-back period. But every time he has a free moment to check in, Cellbit's never around.

Actually, as Cellbit gets worse, I think Phil will go from chill with how things have been worsening to Oh Fuck because he's gonna see a lot of his Antarctic self in him. It's not like Phil isn't proud of that era or anything, but. Mentally and emotionally? Being cold and merciless like that takes a toll. One Cellbit shouldn't subject himself to.

Phil cannot for the life of him Not laugh whenever Pac brings up the whole. Leg eating thing. Pac is so out of pocket about it nowadays bc it happened so long ago and Phil gets whiplash from the casual jokes every time. I think if Cellbit made jokes about it Phil would keel over.

Just out of spite and for the sake of clarity: Phil is not Cellbit's fucking parental figure. Cellbit is not his son. They are grown ass men. They are friends. Colleagues. Confidants if we wanna stretch things a bit. There is nothing familial about their bond.

[inkskinned]

i've been in pretty much constant pain for the past 4 months. i have a slipped disc. the mri this weekend finally confirmed what i'd already suspected. mostly, i just put up with it.

i've been in a pretty bad mental space since winter began. my brain is leaking out from between my ears. i just don't care enough to listen to the rabid wet whispering of hope. i'm mostly just bored of being here, the swaddled joyless apathy.

the back pain ebbs and flows, but it's there, so i take care of it. i do my physical therapy. i get in with a specialist. i'm lucky - there's no immediate need for surgery. it's bad, but it could be worse. when i talk about how i did it (it was a very bad sneeze), i usually start laughing. it's funny! i am never comfortable, but hey. i'm young. i'll bounce back, or so they keep saying.

i just found out it's not normal to wake up every night with a category-five panic attack. i'm lucky if i am still able to remember how to spell my name right. i spend my days in a weird blank haze, exhausted, desperate for respite - only to be unable to rest during the night. i say with a laugh - i really hate it when my mental illnesses start working together. i mean, sure. unionize. it's fine. i have lost all sense of myself. there's nowhere that's actually warm in my mind.

i feel bad how often i complain about my back. my friends immediately shush my apology. dude, you slipped a disc. continue complaining.

as a kid, i think i only really admitted to the bad things... twice. for some reason, when he didn't just dismiss it - it made my dad angry. he slammed a door at me. you're fucking ungrateful. what do you have to be sad for?

what an odd delight: the slipped disc gave me the oddest wave of relief. i'm allowed to actually hurt about this thing.

i have chronic conditions which aren't "real" things. i could write a novel on the weird ways people respond to my POTS & the rest of my fun physical acronyms. i am kind of ashamed to admit - i like the way it feels to be able to say well, because of a slipped disc. a slipped disc is a real thing. a slipped disc is serious and painful. there's diagrams and infographics about slipped discs. upon my diagnosis, they immediately offered me narcotics.

i haven't been able to get up out of bed for more than a few hours. i do less and less and less and less. i have started to sit down in the shower. sighing my way from deadline to deadline. this again. in one day and out the other. people tell me i don't really need my meds. i have run out of times saying i have depression, it's become almost transparent. it's so bad my therapist suggested meeting more than once a week, but i don't want to worry her, so i never finish setting up a second meeting. every creative spark in my soul has been entirely ravaged - but that's just capitalism, baby. i don't even take the day off of work. i just show up and do a bad job and get yelled at for it.

it's not real, after all. the pain is just imagined.

[ericsprincess]

baby we don’t need words

nc-17, Kevin Moon/reader, first date, cunnilingus, a tiny bit of dubcon

~~~

Your date talks way too much. 

~~~

A/N: My love and hate letter to Kevin. 

~~~

Shut up. Shut uuuuup. Shut the fuck uuuuuuuuup.

You take a sip from your glass of red wine and inconspicuously check your watch. Sigh. You are only 24 minutes into this date and you already want to bail. You’re this close to dramatically stabbing yourself with a fork, anything that would get you out of this situation. 

It’s not even a bad date per se. Technically, it’s probably the most “perfect” date you’ve ever been on. This guy - Kevin, as he introduced himself, when he asked for your number as you were waiting in the line at Starbucks - obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it. The restaurant is extra nice and fancy, but not an obvious dating spot. The table is perfectly placed with a view on the city. The candles are glimmering, making a beautiful atmosphere, together with the quiet music. Even the food he recommended to you is amazing, the wine he chose is even better. 

And Kevin himself looks stunning, in perfectly fitting black slacks and navy blue shirt, just tight enough to show off his body - tall, lean with the right amount of muscle and nice frame. His hair is done prettily, he smells expensive. Genuinely a stunning piece of man, that would make you straight up salivate, usually. Especially since he looks so sympathetic, he’s friendly and smiling and not at all threatening, like some men use to be when they hit on a woman. 

What’s worse, he made such a good first impression that you invested a lot of effort too. Getting asked out by a guy this hot is not a daily occurrence, not even for you. Your hair and nails are freshly done, your dress is new. Your underwear is matching. 

And it’s all for nothing, you think bitterly. 

Everything is perfect, save for the one fatal flaw - this guy just doesn’t shut up. And not only that. Whatever comes out of his mouth is cringe of the worst caliber and you’re about to break out in hives from it. 

He watches the cringiest shows and finds them funny.

He loves internet memes, but his taste is one of a 10 years old. You force out a laugh when he shows you some. Jesus Christ.

He loves music and plays instruments, but his obsessions with some singer is borderline unhealthy. No, you don’t want to go to the concert with him. 

He looooooves his job, but haaaaaaates his company. “But we are all just slaves of capitalism, aren’t we?”

His political views. Who even discusses politics on a first date? Time and place, dude. 

You try to participate in the conversation to your best abilities, but often you don’t even know how to react. You don’t want to be rude, so you try to find any interest and reply honestly and thoughtfully, despite it wearing your patience down, and it seems it’s working, judging by the bright smile he’s giving you. 

He obviously likes you more and more every minute. 

The worst is that despite all of it, you can clearly tell he’s a harmless, genuinely nice guy with a heart of gold. Someone who is a whole person, with interests, hobbies and opinions. Someone who loves his friends and family and has values he stands by. 

That all makes you feel even more shitty about the whole situation. You don’t want to hurt his feelings,

Plus, he’s really fucking hot. 

You look up at his face from your glass of wine and force a smile. You hope it doesn’t look too fake. Kevin leans forward and takes your hand in his. It’s dry and warm, and it feels really good. 

“What are you thinking about? You seem like you got lost in your thoughts for a minute,” he asks. He rubs your hand a little, and tilts his head in anticipation for your answer. Because, of course, he genuinely gives a fuck about what made you space out. 

He looks really beautiful in the candlelight. 

You down the rest of your wine and put the glass on the table. You decide in a split second. Ah, fuck it. 

“Yeah, I think I just felt something snap in my dress. Like, a zipper or something. I have to go to the bathroom to check it, will you go with me in case I need help? I’m not sure I can reach it,” you smile at him apologetically. 

“Sure, of course, no problem,” he agrees and gets up to follow you to the bathroom.

You open the door to the ladies room and check if it’s empty so that he can come there without hassle, then gesture to him to come inside. You find for you two an empty stall, push him in and lock the door. 

“Where exactly did you feel the zipper snap? Like, in the back? I can check it for you..” he rambles and you can’t take it anymore. You grab him by the shoulders and slam him against the stall wall. 

“There is nothing wrong with my zipper, and you better listen now. I’m at my fucking limit,” you lower your voice.  

“I had to listen to your stupid bullshit for half an hour already, which is 30 minutes too long,” you growl at him. “Do you ever stop and think about what’s coming out of your mouth? Like, think for a second and wonder, Maybe I should not say that?”

He opens his mouth to protest, but you immediately slap your hand over him to stop him. 

“No, no, no. No more talking from you, now you’re gonna listen, get it?” you ask. 

He nods, looking almost nervous, and swallows visibly. His eyes are almost bulging out. He’s definitely surprised and caught off-guard by the change of your demeanor. 

“Now, we are going to make a little deal and I will give you a choice. Either we end this date already and go home. Separately. And we will never speak again. Or, I can give you a second chance, but first you will reflect on whether every dumb thought you have needs to be said out loud and act accordingly,” you lay it down in front of him. You take your hand off his mouth, awaiting his answer. 

“The- the second, please,” he stutters out. He’s all red and embarrassed. 

However, what you can’t see, but definitely can feel, is a boner tenting his slacks. 

“Okay, but just know I’m giving you another chance only because you’re really cute and seem like a nice person,” you frown. “One more thing though. You have to apologize to me for wasting my time with your dumb rambles today.” 

“H-how?” 

“Very simple,” you grab the front of his shirt roughly and flip you both, so that you’re the one leaning on the wall. 

“On your knees,” you command and push on his shoulder, so that he kneels in front of you. 

And he does. He slowly, hesitantly falls on his knees on the ground, looking at your face, as if he weren’t sure if he heard you correctly.

You push up your tight dress and at that moment he snaps out of it and rushes to help you, taking off your panties for you. 

He doesn’t waste a second to kiss up your thighs, nuzzling into them and licking and sucking, leaving little marks on your skin. 

“You’re so beaut- ahhh!” you interrupt him by grabbing his hair. You pull him away from you and look into his eyes. 

“I said no talking,” you frown and push his head to your pussy. At least now he gets the hint and starts licking you, collecting all your wetness on his tongue and savoring your taste. 

You’ve already been so wound up from the adrenaline and also the fact that you’re in a public restroom, you know you’re not gonna last very long, so you close your eyes and enjoy how his tongue flicks quickly over your clit, getting you close at a rapid pace. After a little while, he must be getting tired, but he’s not stopping, only sometimes switching from using his tongue to sucking gently. It makes you feel so warm and everything is wet and you’re already almost there.

Clearly, he’s trying to earn that second date. 

You look down and for a moment just enjoy the sight of Kevin eating pussy eagerly, not saying a word. He looks so pretty like that with hair mussed up, cheeks red, barely breathing as his face is pressed closely to your body. You can see the hints of glimmering wetness on the lower part of his face, obscured by your body.

“See? You can be good for me, maybe you’re worth keeping…” you sigh and he moans in reply, but you let that one slide. Seeing the movement of hand sneaking down to touch his cock, although only over the pants, but clearly rubbing and squeezing with the purpose of getting himself off, you finally come, holding his head at your pussy so he doesn't even think of stopping or slowing down. 

Your orgasm has barely stopped ringing in your ears when you notice him gasping as he comes inside his pants, his face buried in your crotch still. His hips are barely humping the air as he’s rubbing his cock through his orgasm, finally slumping down when he’s finished. 

You smile brightly at him, as he kneels, spent and sweaty and ruined in front of you. There is a stain spreading in front of his dark slacks that will be only barely concealed by the restaurant’s low light.

You grab him by his shirt again and get him to stand, which he does, almost in haze, still not over his own orgasm. You pull him closer and kiss him deeply, so that you can taste yourself in his mouth. 

“So, about that second date….”