#i have a charisma of 7 but i put all my skill points into 'appearing smart and relatively humble in academic contexts'

[justicegundam82]

PF1: GRAVE HAG

Hello! Here's another of my attempts at retro-converting a 2E critter to 1E stats. After the Rust Hag, I surely couldn't pass up the Grave Hag, especially since I think Hags are kinda underrated and can be just as terrifying and versatile as vampires and liches when it comes to being evil masterminds.

Again I've tried to be as close as possible to the original version, though I had to drop a few special abilities in the process, since I was afraid they would have made the conversion overpowered. I'm still wondering if my conversion here might be a bit much... but I'll let you guys be the judges of that.

Hope you enjoy it!

GRAVE HAG

Image © Paizo Publishing. Accessed at Archives of Nethys here

This woman has a cadaverous appearence, with greying flesh, filthy black hair and bloody sores all over her body. Her nails are long, ragged claws, and her clothes are soiled with grave dirt.

GRAVE HAG CR 9

XP 6’400

CE Medium Monstrous Humanoid

Init +3; Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +18

DEFENSE

AC 23 (+3 Dex, +1 dodge, +9 natural), touch 14, flat-footed 19

hp 104 (11d10+44)

Fort +8, Ref +10, Will +11; +4 vs. disease, fear and paralysis

Defensive Abilities negative healing

Damage Reduction 5 / cold iron; Immune energy drain, poison; Spell Resistance 20

ATTACK

Speed 30 ft.

Melee improvised weapon +17 / +12 / +7 (1d8+7) or 2 claws +17 (1d6+5 plus grab)

Ranged grave ray +15 touch (4d6)

Special Attacks curse of the grave, grave ray

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 12th, concentration +15)

1/day – cloudkill (DC 18)

3/day – animate dead, contagion (DC 18), enervation (DC 18), vampiric touch

At will – bleed (DC 14), cause fear (DC 15), command undead (DC 16), death knell (DC 15), speak with dead (DC 17)

STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 19, Wis 18, Cha 17

Base Atk +12; CMB +17 (+21 grapple); CMD 30

Feats Catch Off-Guard (B), Dodge, Great Fortitude, Power Attack, Spell Focus (necromancy), Toughness, Undead Master

Skills Bluff +14, Climb +10, Craft (any one) +10, Heal +11, Intimidate +15, Knowledge (arcana) +14, Knowledge (religion) +16, Perception +18, Sense Motive +12, Spellcraft +12, Stealth +14, Survival +10

Languages Aklo, Common, Giant, Necril

Special Qualities undead mien

ECOLOGY

Environment any

Organization solitary or coven (3 hags of any type)

Treasure standard

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Curse of the Grave (Sup): Three times per day, a grave hag can put a curse on a creature, rendering it more enticing to the ravenous undead. A target can avoid this effect by making a successful Will save (DC 18). If the save is failed, the target starts drawing the undead’s attention, granting them a +4 bonus on Perception checks to notice the affected creature and on saving throws to resist spells that hide or disguise the affected creature from undead (such as hide from undead). Once an undead notices the affected creature, it feels compelled to kill and devour the affected creature, and gains a +2 profane bonus on attack rolls made against the affected creature and a +2 profane bonus on saving throws against the affected creature’s spells and special abilities. The undead also ignores any concealment less than total concealment that an affected creature has. A curse of the grave lasts for 24 hours or until removed with a successful remove curse, dispel magic, break enchantment or similar magic (against a casting level of 12). The save DC is Charisma-based.

Grave Ray (Sup): Once every 1d4+1 rounds, a grave hag can fire a black beam of bone-chilling negative energy to a maximum range of 60 feet. If the grave hag succeeds at a ranged touch attack, the beam inflicts 4d6 point of negative energy damage, which can be halved on a successful Fortitude save (DC 18). A grave ray can be used to heal undead creatures, or the grave hag herself, in this way. The save DC is Charisma-based.

Negative Healing (Sup): A grave hag is healed by negative energy and harmed by positive energy as if she were an undead creature.

Undead Mien (Ex): A grave hag counts as an undead creature for the purpose of spells, spell-like abilities or special abilities that detect undead. She also gains a +4 racial bonus on saving throws vs. disease, fear and paralysis effects.

Grave hags are a particularly powerful breed of hags with an affinity for undead and negative energy, who make their liars in cemetaries, mausoleums or other burial sites, where they surround themselves with undead servitors and form a kind of twisted mockery of a court. Unlike most hags, grave hags do not have the ability to alter their appearence into a more reassuring shape, and are forced to hide where few people would want to seek them out. However, grave hags are grieviously arrogant and self-centered, and believe that this kind of life is beneath them, so they spend most of their time concocting plans to expand their territory and set themselves up as petty rulers of undead-infested regions.

Even for the standards of hags, grave hags are extremely smug and self-important, seeing themselves as the most powerful, cunning and strongest of all hags, and demanding respect and unconditional obedience from any “lesser” kind of hag. They tend to mock other hags’ abilities that they don’t possess (such as the ability to alter self) as pointless parlor tricks who have no inherent use to them. The exception to this are night hags, whom are seen by grave hags as role models, and to whom a grave hag will gladly submit.

In combat, grave hags tend to hold back and harass opponents with spells and withering blasts of negative energy while their undead minions tear their victims apart. They often open up combat by casting cloudkill and then letting their minions, unaffected by the poison, have their way with the opposition. Grave hags can put a curse on their victims, making them more enticing for the undead to attack. However, if forced to hand-to-hand combat, a grave hag can give as good as she gets, often using digging tools like shovels or mattocks as improvised weapons with surprising skill.

A grave hag usually stands between 5 and 6 feet tall and weighs between 120 and 180 pounds. The bloody sores she naturally sports on her body can make her look crippled and weak, but are merely cosmetical and do not hinder the grave hag in any way other than giving her an unsightly appearence. When a grave hag joins a coven, the coven adds harm to its spell-like abilities and shares the grave hag’s negative healing ability, but a grave hag will rarely join a coven that doesn’t have either herself or a night hag as leader.

[dzpenumbra]

4/30/23

Last night was difficult.

I don't think I mentioned it in my journal, maybe I did and I don't remember, idk, I'm going to tell the story anyway. I was watching a Red Dead stream last night and a girl who had been a subscriber in that channel for 7 consecutive years accidentally wrote a private message into the Twitch chat. And I mean really private.

(side note - ctrl+b, which is used for bold is right between ctrl+v [paste] and ctrl+n [new window in chrome]. And the undo on Tumblr is fucked. So... just... gonna point out how frustrating and inconvenient that is if you just slightly miss the b key and suddenly you either have a new window pop up or a paragraph of text just appears.)

This chick posted about like... really bad medical news. Like organ disease news. That she got that day. And she immediately asked mods to delete it, because she couldn't. And no one did. And there were like over 1000 people in there. And then these assholes started copying and pasting her message. At first just one. Then one who spent "channel points" to actually highlight the copied message. Then like 5 more. It... was really disturbing. Like... I struggle to see any humor in it, and I have a pretty open mind about humor. It really felt like someone saying "haha look, this chick has cancer!" As though... anyone is going to laugh about that...

Now... I know a thing or two about humor. Humor used to be my primary coping mechanism. And most humor is just that, it's a way of diffusing something incredibly uncomfortable or painful, and transforming it into something funny, something palatable. Something positive, even. And sometimes that can be a... compulsion for some people, a reflex, that they're not even really conscious of. But there's a skill to doing that. It takes effort, it takes practice, it takes skill. And there is nothing... buckle the fuck up, I'm going loud here... THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING LAZIER THAN COPYING AND PASTING SOMETHING AND CALLING IT FUNNY. <catches breath> Okay, just had to get that out. People man, I just don't understand. Do these fucking imbeciles really lack the brain cells to understand that making a joke about a serious medical condition should... I dunno... maybe be handled a little more tactfully than treating it like retweeting a fucking meme or something?

Again, I am not against jokes that test the line, and even outright cross it. At all. Pushing those boundaries is important, in its own way. But there's a goddamn reason why we only had one Don Rickles. There's a reason we had one South Park. One Jackass. There is an art to pushing boundaries, and it requires skill, charisma and confidence. And these people had none of the above. They were just... schoolyard bullies, trying to impress other schoolyard bullies. They were literally grown-ass schoolyard bullies, likely piss drunk at 4AM, watching a 38 year old man pretend to be a cowboy in a video game, and stumbled across what was pretty obviously a private message between a long-standing paying community member and likely a family member... and they decided they wanted to pants her in front of class. Like... this is a fucking cartoon of schoolyard bully behavior. And people were fucking laughing! People were like... chuckling and going along with it

I... I pulled up a private message to her. And I typed out "hey, what they're doing is really not cool and I'm really sorry all this is happening to you. It's really fucked up." And... I didn't send it. Any other lifetime, I would have sent it. But I didn't. And I don't even know why I don't anymore. I definitely didn't stand up for her in chat. I didn't even support her behind closed doors. But when she put a message in chat saying it was fucked up? I immediately tagged her and sent a heart emoji, like... lightning speed, to show she has my support. I just... I feel bad. It's self preservation, it has to be. Like... I don't want this mob turning on me... So I don't stick up for the grown adult that's being bullied by grown adults. Because there are people there whose job it's supposed to be to moderate that, and they were asleep at the wheel, and... I didn't want to overstep, and they sure as shit won't respect my opinion if I don't have a sword icon next to my name.

And the streamer, when he noticed? He chuckled. And was like, "come on guys, knock it off..." Like... it was a bunch of kids playing in the backyard by throwing knives at the dog or something, and that's his response. It made me super uncomfortable. That and the shit that went down in his Discord? Blatantly saying "we're mob-mentality around here, okay?" And the Native American character he made, and how... really insensitive he was with it... and how he pretty obviously got reported several times on it but straight up lied to his audience about it and has doubled-down so many times I can't even count. "Nah nah nah, Moondance isn't going anywhere guys, I'll play him whenever I want, I just don't feel like it tonight..." RIIIGHHHTTT... I just... I'm really turned off by it.

Fuck the internet, man. The internet is very blatantly advertising directly to children, who are the most profitable demographic on the internet, if you weren't aware... and Twitch specifically has developed a wagering system with fake internet points that you accumulate by spending time watching a streamer (more time = more ads = more $$ for Twitch = more fake points for the kids). And they call them. Get this. Tell me this isn't disgustingly corporate Amazon cliché. They call them "Predictions". It's not gambling marketed towards children to keep them on a website that makes money off of feeding them ads, no no no, it's placing a wager on a "Prediction". I'm not gambling on what the outcome is, with a payout ratio identical to a fucking horse track, nope, I'm just predicting what the outcome is going to be and if I get it right I get a neat prize! They specifically market their site to children. How have they not gotten this shut down yet?!

Okay, got a bit of that out of my system. Why the fuck am I telling this story from last night? Well... I had a night terror. I got about 4-5 hours of sleep, and I had a super intense nightmare. It was very vivid, but I didn't remember much except for the last bit. And... it took me a bit of journaling (I did dream journal, so yay on that) to really start to understand what it was about. I might as well paint a picture for you, it was super vivid and deeply meaningful for me.

I was in a location that represented my parents' basement. I grew up in that house from the ages of 11-18, very formative years. My parents are closeted hoarders, they hide it well. The basement was where everything went. I was down there with someone else, I don't remember who it was. I had found a book that was for me, that I felt bad I hadn't read because, when I was down there and started reading it, it was really interesting. It was part of a series, and it was an exploration and interpretation of the Bible through historical record, plausible science and comparison with other cultural ideologies/mythologies. It was... really cool, and right up my alley. Almost like something I would write, if I felt qualified. I read the part about Genesis I and as I was reading... I got that thing I get sometimes where the mental imagery gets really vivid. And this moment was really disorienting in a dream, and is even disorienting just trying to process how it even happened, because I was... dreaming... which is my imagination, my subconscious mind... and then within that dream I was reading a text and... my subconscious in the dream was conceptualizing the text visually. It was like a Russian Nesting Doll of subconscious visualization, it's absolutely mind-boggling that that's even possible. And this visualization was... essentially an early proto-Earth colliding with a very water-dense celestial object. My brain interpreted this very metaphorically, like big blob of water. And then the combination of these two qualities ended up nurturing an environment like hydrated and nutrient enriched soil. Again, a metaphor, like... water and collision were huge components in setting off the chain reaction that resulted in... life. And... there was some part in the text that was referring... where either that water-dense body or the proto-Earth likely came from. I don't really remember the details on that.

And then... after that... I remember the person I was with upsetting the streamer (who was there with a bunch of his friends in-character), and they left. And after I read and visualized all of that, as though I had read it out loud... he kinda knew. Honestly, I'm struggling to remember it, I'm going to get the journal real quick to refresh.

Okay, it looks like even in the journal right after I woke up I wasn't sure what had upset the streamer and the people he was with. I was reading that passage in the book in the moments leading up to him getting upset and leaving. The book had this section in it that was like MadLibs... like a simple mini-test to sorta... jog and concretize your memory of what the previous passage was about, so you could sorta... use your own brain to make the connections rather than just reading his wording. So, like... I wasn't sure if I upset him, or he witnessed the surreal visual experience I had and it upset him (because it was super vivid, like panic attack vivid, and very emotional), or maybe he knew what I read and that upset him? Maybe I accidentally read out loud and didn't realize? Or... maybe the person I was with upset him... Which, with this much time between me and the dream, seems like the most likely factor... But, either way, he got upset and left. Then... I could sorta... sense through the ceiling and walls in an almost x-ray kinda way that he was like... glaring at me. In a... judgmental, suspicious, skeptical way. In a "I'm on to you..." way. In a witch-hunty Inquisition kinda way. And that set off a massive panic response that immediately woke me up.

You know what? I reflected on this when I woke up, and it's actually really well put for 4 hours of sleep coming out of a panic attack. <pats self on back> So I'm just gonna transcribe it. Fuck it.

"I felt like I needed to impress him, and like I fucked up... which was embarrassing but passed quickly... but that turned into... genuine concern that I was in danger. Like lynching kinda danger, mob violence danger. And that's because I witnessed that last night. And the chick who was being bullied? She was like me. This crowd? These streamers? I keep gravitating towards confident bullies. Andrew Santino types. They're very talented, but their skill is a coping mechanism developed through trauma and conflict. Unprocessed trauma, typically. Because the coping mechanism is their greatest gift, and really their whole life and identity are built on it. I gravitate towards that talent. Being this aware of how these people think (because I was one of them) and how much influence they have, how followers will blindly obey them and they have thousands, made me scared of... as that guy so poetically said in my Twitch chat "(being) thrown in a river with a mill stone tied to (me)." For learning, and exploring ideas that they may consider heretical. But, more specifically, sharing them and being associated with them."

So... you can imagine how hard writing a journal entry like this can be sometimes. It feels really serious and risky, and really silly at the same time. It's not like the context I'm referring to is even... heretical, really... if anything it's trying to prove the Bible's validity! But... I've just seen a lot of dark shit in my study of humanity. A lot of dark, ignorant, zealous things that people do. And seeing that mob mentality last night? It just brought me back to that same old familiar fear. And that shit sticks, and can be hard to shake.

I'm getting really tired, so I want to kinda wrap up, so let me get to the crux of all of this.

Besides the obvious, this journal and this post, why would I be so anxious about sharing my personal beliefs publicly? 1). Family-induced trauma, let's just get that out of the way, so that explains the life-shattering severity. But the focus - I made my desire path project public today. I posted it. It was my only goal for the day. And I did it.

I put it on YouTube. It currently has 3 views and no one has watched it all the way through. I fucking hate analytics and I don't want to watch them anymore. So fucking stupid, as though you have any control over whether people give a fuck about your work. Yikes.

Then, I went into this whole pros and cons list of posting the full project on Instagram. Insta won't let you link shit, and I wanted to keep my videos all on YT because... habit, I guess? Maybe because my Rimworld series is still over there and I was hoping someone might actually give a fuck about that again someday. But after a long time going over it, I decided instead of trying to direct people to go to my profile, then go to my YT link... fuck that. I'm just going to post it there in full, too. And I did. And the grand reception? I got 2 likes. And a comment from my former "best friend", my former goddaughter's mother. And I do appreciate the sentiment. It's just been hard to process those memories.

I always wanted to be a dad. And in my 20's, I got to be her nanny for most of the week when she was around 1 year old. I was working nights and inverting my sleep schedule to drive up an hour each way to watch her during the week. I still have a picture from when I got there one day and comedically, melodramatically collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion and actually fell asleep with my legs hanging in the air off the couch and shit, right next to my goddaughter who was also passed out. And she fired me. Because I didn't "take her outside enough", which she never instructed me to do or taught me how to do. Not to mention the fact that she never paid me once, and I just... didn't ask for money? Because I was trying to be nice? Because both her and her husband were like... not parenting their infant child and just going and working jobs instead, while I watched their kid for them.

Meh, enough about that. See what it does to my head though? Nostalgia is nice... sometimes... but it can be bitter, and if you have an especially dicey past, it can turn sour real quick. So... I do appreciate her sentiment, she left a really kind compliment that seems sincere. And the emotional processing from the past? That's my job, I gotta just remember... that's in the past. I just... I feel bad for my goddaughter, and I miss her. She was the closest thing to a daughter I've ever had, besides my dog and cat, of course. The closest thing to a human daughter I've ever had. And she may not have a great role model for like... healthy emotional regulation. And I worry about her. And I do kinda feel like... that's kinda part of the godfather thing, to step up and like... be there. But at this point? I was envisioning this when I was making dinner. I feel like if I ever even do that, I'm going to be the uncle or aunt figure at the family dinner that they haven't seen in 10 years and pulls the teenage kid aside and goes "you know, I used to change your diapers, do you remember me? No? It's okay, well... if you ever need to like... talk or anything, I'm always here for you." And they'll wince through the awkwardness and then go off and play something on their phone and sigh and mutter "weirdo". But like... is it worse to not even try?

That's a quandary for another day, I just went down that line of thought because I was kinda imaginatively strategizing what might happen if my former friend messaged me. To... prepare myself.

So yeah, lots of ups and downs today. Sleep deprivation, panic, nap, social media strategy, posted the video, made dinner, watched streams, Risk of Rain, journal, and off to bed we go.

Gonna try to sneak a quick shower in before bed, screw it, see if that helps with more relaxing sleep.

To end on a more uplifted note... The Path was one of the more ambitious projects I've taken on. It was very new, super conceptual, very "risky" regarding whether anyone would "get it", also very tedious and demanding. I did the 100 runs in Minecraft, with 3 screenshots per run. I hand-drew each path, twice. I animated each path individually. I composed, played and recorded 12 minutes of original music for 4 guitars, bass and drums. I wrote the script, I recorded the voiceover (on Easter day!). I hand-drew and animated the parts of the voiceover that I couldn't really figure out what to put under, as though they were being drawn on a whiteboard. I shot cinematic B-roll in Minecraft, Google StreetView and a real life National Park. I edited it all together.

And now... it's done.

Fuck crowd reception, this was months in the making. I am goddamn proud of myself.

[brattyfics]

— until we meet again, preciosa

PAIRING || bishop losa x black!ofc, miguel galindo x black!ofc (mentioned)

SUMMARY || She’s not his, and she won’t ever be, so he leaves her with words whispered like a promise. “Until we meet again, preciosa.”

TAGS || angst, unresolved feelings, not a hea, mentions of toxic relationships, sex (referenced).

WORD COUNT || 1.6k

Shadowy clouds hang overhead, blocking out the warming glow of the Sun. Raindrops pelt the roof above, drumming a beat of their own before pooling down to the concrete paved streets below. Isis watches stray droplets gather on the tall windows for several moments before stepping out onto the covered balcony. It felt colder than usual inside the three-story, Spanish-style shophouse, but outside it’s the opposite-- balmy, earthy. The air is heavy with humidity, so she has to take deep breaths, but she doesn’t enjoy it any less. Invigoration comes with the rain, brings hope for new beginnings, renews faith for the hopeless.

Down below, people dart between vendors to continue their shopping as the rain lightens. Colorful rays spring from puddles up towards the sky. A pair of young siblings splash each other while their mother sells delicious smelling tamales wrapped in banana leaves. Another young woman peddles gold necklaces, praying candles, and other little knick-knacks to the tourists of Sonora. Everybody has to make a living, including Isis.

She spends her days stroking the strings of a guitar or the keys of her piano, helping patrons of the music shop in between. The ground floor of the shophouse boasts string instruments and an extensive collection of vinyl records. After hours, she makes money hosting private piano lessons. She performs at the Discoteca down the street on weekends, fueling her passion for music almost 24/7 except when Preciosa is closed for ‘maintenance’.

Overstock merchandise and whatever else the Mayans’ Motorcycle Clubs needs to store clutters the second floor. Don’t ask, don’t tell is her motto, so whenever they come to the shop, she simply flips the sign to closed. There’s no point in fighting it. Besides, El Presidente always makes it a bearable, if not pleasant, experience. Bishop had called ahead to warn her that he was bringing Hank, Angel, and the new prospect, Angel’s baby brother, along. She could hear them bumping around, a noisy reminder that her shop only thrived because of the illegal deals happening in the back.

“Why don’t you put all that time and energy into something that’ll get you somewhere?” Being a musician wasn’t an acceptable career in her mother’s eyes, so the woman took every chance she could to crush her daughter’s dreams. “Nobody wants to hear all that noise!” Staring out into the street, she can’t help but wonder where she would’ve ended up if her mother had been supportive. Maybe she could have been a star rising to the top of Billboard charts or someone who worked behind the scenes, writing songs, singing demos. She had the skill set. Yes, her path would have been much different.

Isis had stood front and center, crooning out an old school blues song at a hole-in-the-wall spot when Miguel Galindo first laid eyes on her. It was a chance meeting, one that felt like fate at the time because dive bars weren’t his scene. The owner was a business associate who decided to try his hand at being a restaurateur; Miguel had been kind enough to come out and support. When he caught sight of her shapely frame in a slinky, satin number, he insisted on being introduced.

Miguel stood out in a crowd, wearing a tailored button-down, dark dress pants, and an expensive pair of Italian leather shoes. His salt and pepper beard groomed to perfection, hair gelled so that no strand was out of place. The moment she’d looked into his eyes, she was caught in his web. His masculine scent drew her in like honey to a bee. His charisma held her attention. Miguel sweet-talked her all night, insisting Isis sit next to him, eat h’orderves, and drink overpriced champagne. She obliged. Who could say no to that face? He used their close proximity to reel her in like a fish on a hook, leaning down to whisper in her ear. You’re beautiful. He told her. You have such a smooth, seductive tone. You should be performing for bigger crowds. Have you ever thought about branching out? He told her everything her mother never had, so she was a lamb to the slaughter.

For months, Miguel had treated her like his very own LifeSize doll to play with. He took her on shopping sprees, kept her draped in silk and lace. Isis didn’t think of herself as materialistic, but she couldn’t deny being showered in gifts felt splendid. He was always so tender, handling her delicately as his newest prized possession. As time went on, she became more like an ornament. Something for him to marvel at when he felt like it and then hide away the rest of the time. But nothing was worse than him leaving her to harden after he was finished molding her like clay. She asked for more—time, commitment, only for him to do the opposite.

Thus, Preciosa was born. A way for him to placate her and later make it easier for the M.C. to make him money.

“Just a few more minutes, and we’ll be out your way.” Isis jumped at the sound, turning away from the street to see Bishop. She hadn’t heard him come outside; didn’t expect him to venture up into her personal space.

Isis’ smile rarely reached her eyes, Bishop noticed. He stepped forward, holding a velvet box that felt heavier than it was. Her fingertips tickled him as he passed it over. Diamonds surrounded in white gold gleamed as the clouds cleared away for the Sun. Even Bishop could admit the set was gorgeous, but she didn’t look impressed. He hated being Galindo’s delivery boy, watching the way her face fell when the gifts she received became increasingly impersonal with each week. Not long ago, he’d also been tasked with passing along handwritten love notes or antique music sheets that she caressed like she would a lover’s skin.

“Thank you.”

She couldn’t hide her disappointment from him. Not for lack of trying-- Miguel always reminded her, appearances were everything. Smile. Don’t make me look bad. But Bishop watched her closely, knew her tells. Despite every nerve in his brain urging him to walk away, he steps forward to stand next to her. His calloused hands rest on the balcony’s edge next to her delicate pair, brown in varying tones of sepia and mahogany contrasting against the white paint.

Bishop feels the heat of her eyes on his frame, but he doesn’t let himself respond. Sharing this moment, a quick breath of fresh air will have to be enough. But she’s all around him, smelling of florals and sweet spices. He can’t think. He fumbles with his pockets in search of a cigarette. “You mind?” She shakes her head but is otherwise silent. Still watching him as he smokes; the way he takes long, steady pulls, cradling the stick between his full lips and then between his strong, veined fingers. She would bet her last dollar that he was an expert at other things involving his fingers and mouth.

When his hand drops again, she links her pinky with his, hesitant but exploratory.

Bishop looks at her, really looks at her like he sees her. It’s nice to be seen, especially when you’re the princess locked up far, far away from everyone you’ve ever known. She’s a black girl from Texas living in Sonora for goodness’ sake. This is no life, and she knows it. Several moments pass where neither can look away, both weighing their desires with the potential consequences.

With a deep breath in, she musters up the courage to ask Bishop what she’s been wanting to for months.

“Stay?”

Her heart feels like it might just explode while she waits for a response.

Bishop drops his head to his chest, cursing under his breath. “Fuck.” If Miguel ever found out… But he already knew what his answer would be. He’d been waiting for the invitation. The heated looks they exchanged, the way her fingers lingered on his when he passed her something. That damned pout she wore when Miguel forgot to send a flower arrangement-- she had no idea Bishop had been the one buying the flowers for some time now. No matter what mood she was in, fresh flowers always brightened her day. He loved watching that lonely look transform into something more lively, curious as she marveled over his choice for the week. He went for variety, slowly learning what she loved and what she just liked; her favorite color, favorite scent.

The subtle tension between them, he wasn’t even certain she noticed. The cash and the bling could’ve blinded her to all other men. But it didn’t.

When the Sun had gone down several hours later, and the guys were gone, Bishop redressed. Belt buckling with a clink, leather sliding over his shoulders easily. He let himself take one last look at her wrapped up in a poofy comforter set. The mustard-yellow velvet complimented her skin in the best way, bringing out a gold undertone. Her eyes seem to have brightened as well. He couldn’t resist leaning over to stroke her sweaty skin. Dark coils stuck to her beautiful face, frizzy in some parts from when she rode him, sweat escaping from her pores, flat in the others from when he laid her on her back and hooked her legs over her shoulders.

He wants to stay, to prop himself up against the intricately carved wood headboard and hold her in his lap while they whisper sweet nothing to each other, but he can’t.

She’s not his, and she won’t ever be, so he leaves her with words whispered like a promise. “Until we meet again, preciosa.”

NOTES || This fic and the collage above was inspired by @isisafrofairy’s gorgeous moodboard! Also, the wonderful “Until we meet again, preciosa” line is hers as well. This is my thank you for the moodboard you made for me. I really leaned on the pictures you used for inspiration and I think I managed to capture/include each element. It was so hard not to ruin the surprise, but I was able to shut tf up for once 😂 I’m really proud of how this turned out, and hopefully you enjoy it just as much! Also, I realize the moodboard had nothing to do with Miguel but he lives in my head rent-free apparently 🥴

GENERAL TAGLIST || @woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @sheeshgivemeabreak @breakingnewsin-no-oneasked @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @glimmerglittergirl @apantherinmypastlife @brownsugarcoffy @marvelmaree @starrynite7114 @scuzmunkie @thewarriorprincessxo @sadeyesgf @pearlkitten33 @imanerdychubbyqueen @literaturefeen @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @everyhowlmarksthedead @yourwonkywriter @trulysuccubus @sparklemichele @luckyharley1903 @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @amorestevens​

MAYANS M.C. TAGLIST || @cant-decide-at-this-moment

[paperanddice]

Living guns are a dream manifested of nightmares, weaponry unleashed to perform that which it was designed for regardless of the target. These guns fuse themselves to a person, innocent or otherwise, and drive them to commit atrocities out of their control. While possessed by these creatures, the wielder cannot release the weapons, staggering along from one fight to another, only stopping to eat or drink out of pure necessity, though few ever last long enough for that to become an issue. The gun literally feeds upon the creature wielding it, siphoning off material to form its bullets, and those who survive for a long time wielding the creature are often quite anemic and withered looking upon their death.

Living guns often act in pairs, teaming up to possess a single creature and making it a more effective killer. In rare cases where a living gun manages to possess a creature with more hands than living guns present, it will hunt for other living guns to try and join together and fully equip the victim, though fortunately these guns are rare and short lived so finding others is very unlikely. Living guns rarely look like regular weapons, instead appearing as fantastical designs, toys, or some kind of organic facsimile of a gun.

I had some serious thoughts over whether to convert this particular figure, given a lot of real world situations that could be unpleasant, but I decided to put it out and trust in the capacity of others to recognize whether or not to include it in a game. This is definitely something that should not be used carelessly, as gun trauma is incredibly common for good reason, so take care to account for the mental health of your friends. Some groups may appreciate being able to fight a sort of manifestation of serious issues like this, but others will not, and don't spring this on someone unless you know for sure they're in the first group.

Originally from the Dreamblade Base Set. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I'm working on, consider backing me there!

5th Edition

Gun Possessed Veteran Medium humanoid ((any race)), any alignment Armor Class 17 (splint) Hit Points 58 (9d8 + 18) Speed 30 ft. Str 16 (+3) Dex 13 (+1) Con 14 (+2) Int 10 (+0) Wis 11 (+0) Cha 10 (+0) Skills Athletics +5, Perception +2 Senses passive Perception 12 Languages any one language Challenge 3 (700 XP) Gunslinger. The veteran doesn't have disadvantage on ranged weapon attacks while within 5 feet of a hostile creature, and can make ranged weapon attacks when a creature provokes an opportunity attack from it. Actions Multiattack. The veteran makes two Living Gunshot attacks. Living Gunshot. Ranged Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, range 80/320 ft., one target. Hit: 7 (2d6) piercing damage. Effect: The veteran takes 2 (1d4) damage. This damage can't be reduced in any way.

Living Gun Tiny aberration, unaligned Armor Class 11 Hit Points 27 (5d4 + 15) Speed 15 ft., climb 5 ft. Str 4 (-3) Dex 12 (+1) Con 16 (+3) Int 10 (+0) Wis 10 (+0) Cha 16 (+3) Senses blindsight 60 ft. (blind beyond this radius) passive Perception 10 Languages understands two languages, but can't speak Challenge 1 (200 XP) False Appearance. While the living gun remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a non-living object. Gunslinger. The living gun and any creature it is possessing don't have disadvantage on ranged weapon attacks while within 5 feet of a hostile creature, and can make ranged weapon attacks when a creature provokes an opportunity attack from them. Actions Gunshot. Ranged Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, range 80/320 ft., one target. Hit: 7 (2d6) piercing damage. Effect: The living gun takes 2 (1d4) damage. This damage can't be reduced in any way. Possess. Melee Spell Attack: +3 to hit, reach 0 ft., one creature holding the living gun or a creature that is incapacitated or restrained. Hit: The target must succeed on a DC 13 Charisma saving throw or be possessed by the living gun. The creature grasps the living gun in its hand and the gun fuses to its body, and the gun controls the creature's body but doesn't deprive the target of awareness. The living gun can't be targted by any attack unless the possessed creature becomes incapacitated, and it can't be disarmed. Multiple living guns can possess a creature at once, working together to control the creature. The creature can be possessed by one living gun per hand it has. The living gun retains its alignment, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma, and immunity to being charmed and frightened. As an action, it can make one Living Gunshot attack per living gun possessing the creature. This attack functions like the living gun's Gunshot attack, except it has an attack bonus of 4 + the possessed creature's proficiency bonus, deals xd6 piercing damage, where x is the possessed creature's proficiency bonus, and the possessed creature takes the effect damage instead of the living gun. Every 24 hours, the possessed creature can make a DC 13 Charisma saving throw. The DC increases by 2 for every additional living gun after the first that is possessing the creature. On a success, the creature is no longer possessed by any living guns. Otherwise, the possession lasts until the creature drops to 0 hit points, the living gun ends it as a bonus action, the living gun is magically separated from the creature, or the living gun is forced to end the possession by an effect like the dispel evil and good spell. The target is immune to this living gun's Possess for 24 hours after succeeding on the saving throw or after the possession ends.

13th Age

Gun Possessed Killer  Double-strength 5th level archer [humanoid]  Initiative: +10 C: Living Gunshot +10 vs. AC (one nearby or far away enemy, 2 attacks) - 18 damage Effect: The gun possessed murderer takes 1d4 damage. This damage can’t be reduced in any way. Gunslinger: The gun possessed killer can make living gunshot attacks as opportunity attacks. Drop Living Guns: When the gun possessed killer is reduced to 0 hit points, it spawns two living guns at full health. AC 20 PD 19 MD 15 HP 90

Living Gun  Weakling 5th level spoiler [aberration]  Initiative: +6 Possessing Touch +10 vs. MD (one enemy touching the living gun, or a stuck, stunned, or weakened enemy) - The target is possessed by the living gun (hard save ends, 16+). While possessed, the living gun controls the creature’s body and can’t be targeted by attacks. C: Living Gunshot +10 vs. AC (one nearby or far away enemy) - 18 damage Effect: The living gun or the creature it is possessing takes 1d4 damage. This damage can’t be reduced in any way. False Appearance: While not moving, the living gun is indistinguishable from an inanimate object. Gunslinger: The living gun can make living gunshot attacks as opportunity attacks. Weakling: When building battles with this monster, it only counts as half a normal monster. AC 19 PD 15 MD 18 HP 30

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #183

Whew, all those racers are finally done! Now we can kick back a bit, all we have to make this time is a literal god.

Anyway, enough self pity! Today we’re making Parvati, one of the many wives of Shiva, but also his only wife, because all the other wives are a part of her, I guess. Hindu gods make our sense of self look vanilla by comparison. She is an Oath of the Ancients Paladin for some godly protection, and a War Cleric for when it’s time to Durga it up a bit.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Like fire, Hellfire, this fire in my skin!

Race and Background

Like many pseudoservants, Parvati is one half god, one half human, so a Fallen Aasimar will keep that in mind and also let her scare the crap out of people when she lets Kali loose. This gives her +1 Wisdom and +2 Charisma, as well as Darkvision, Celestial Resistance to radiant and necrotic damage, the Light cantrip, and some Healing Hands to help people as an action without having to slit your throat.

“Wife of a god” isn’t a common background, but I assume it’s pretty similar to being a Noble. Lots of politics, deciding the fate of peasants/mortals for them, that kind of thing. that gives you proficiency in History (makes sense-you’re immortal) and Persuasion (you were somehow able to convince Guda to eat an entire cow-sized chocolate in a single sitting).

Ability Scores

Make sure your Wisdom is as high as possible to help take care of everyone’s problems (except for Kama’s). After that is Charisma- she’s the wife of the gods, it only makes sense for this to be really high. Her Strength isn’t that high, but a god who is bad at fighting is still a god. After that is Dexterity. It should be higher to deal with the whole “fighting in a sari” thing, but we needed the other three for multiclassing. Her Intelligence isn’t amazing, but we need everything else more for the build. That means we’re dumping Constitution. Honestly she should be tougher, but one of her big myths involves hurting herself for the sake of others, so that’s going to knock her down a couple points.

Class Levels

Paladin 1: Starting off as a paladin will get you more HP than a cleric, but you also get proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves, and the skills Religion and Intimidation. You’re a god, and I’m not sure how you convinced Guda to eat a chocolate cow, so now all your bases are covered. You also get a Divine Sense to suss out extraplanar goodies and baddies as an action 1+your Charisma Modifier times per day. You also also get even more healing thanks to Lay on Hands, which gives you a total pool of healing equal to five times your paladin level per long rest.

Paladin 2: Second level paladins get a Fighting Style, but since you’re not actually that good at fighting we’ll grab Interception instead. While wielding a weapon or shield you can react to block attacks going towards creatures near you, reducing the damage by 1d10 plus your proficiency bonus. You also get Spells that you can cast and prepare using your Charisma. Since you can switch them up every long rest the exact spells you take aren’t that important, but I suggest Detect Evil and Good for more godly senses and Command to put mortals in their place. Alternatively, you can use Divine Smites to add extra radiant damage to your attacks using your spell slots. It’s not lightning yet, but... wait, are we making two lightning-based lancers connected to the Indian pantheon in three builds of each other?

Paladin 3: At third level you get to become the Maid-sorry, Kouhai of Light (mixed up my vaguely sci-fi works of fiction with sprawling and nonsensical worldbuilding there) as a Oath of Ancients paladin. When you take the subclass you get Oath Spells, which are automatically prepared for you. You get Ensnaring Strike and Speak with Animals. The former isn’t that in-character, but there’s enough talking animals in Hindu mythology for the latter to just be an automatic include. Third level paladins also can Channel Divinity once per short rest in two flavors. Nature’s Wrath ensnares an enemy if they fail a strength or dexterity save (DC 8 + proficiency + charisma modifier), repeating the save each turn until they succeed. Weirdly enough, there’s no time limit, so if your magic’s strong enough and they’re weak enough it’ll just last forever. Alternatively, you can Turn the Faithless, forcing a wisdom save on all fey and fiends nearby, forcing them to flee for up to a minute and making it unable to disguise itself. One last thing; your Necrotic Shroud makes you really scary as an action once per long rest, forcing a charisma save on nearby creatures that’ll frighten them if they fail. Then, for a minute afterwards you can deal necrotic damage once per turn equal to your level.

Paladin 4: Use this Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Constitution. Even if there’s a thematic reason for it, it’s just too painful to leave you with a negative health modifier.

Paladin 5: Fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack as well as 2nd level spells! Your freebies include Moonbeam, which does damage and also forces creatures out of disguises, and Misty Step, which lets your teleport around. More in character, you can use Find Steed to qualify for the rider class with a cool cow, or Magic Weapon to make your spear a bit cooler than the rest.

Paladin 6: Your new Aura of Protection adds your charisma modifier to all allied saving throws within 10′ of you for a little grace of the goddess.

Paladin 7: Not to be outdone, your subclass also chips in with its own aura, the Aura of Warding, which gives you and everyone around you resistance to spell damage. Unlike most paladin auras, this one does not require you to be conscious.

Paladin 8: Use this ASI to round out your Strength and get cool new features at the same time thanks to the Piercer feat. Now you can re-roll a die of piercing damage you deal each turn, and critical hits with piercing weapons deal an extra die of damage!

Paladin 9: Your last level of paladin gives you third level spells, like Plant Growth and Protection from Energy. All well and good, but you also get spells that aren’t free, like Create Food and Water so you don’t have to slit your throat next time someone is thirsty and Elemental Weapon so you can finally have an electric spear.

Cleric 1: Being all sweet and motherly is nice, but we also need to be able to channel Durga when we need to. Durga’s a War god, so that feels like a good place to start. War clerics become a War Priest first thing, letting you make another weapon attack as a bonus action if you attack as your action Wisdom modifier times per long rest. Yes, this does mean you’re technically better at fighting than a paladin. Congrats. You also get another set of Spells you cast and prepare using your Wisdom. Grab the cantrips Guidance to be a bit better than everyone else, Spare the Dying to take care of them, and Thaumaturgy to actually appear godly when you need to. You also get more freebies, like Divine Favor for a worse but cheaper Elemental Weapon and Shield of Faith for a boost in AC. Technically you’re fighting in just a dress, so you’ll really need this if you’re playing to character. Also, grab Guiding Bolt so you can actually lightning some fools while helping out the party. Deal radiant damage and give the next attacker advantage.

Cleric 2: Second level clerics get Channel Divinity, and also giving us a chance to talk about what happens when you multiclass like this. You don’t get extra uses of CD, but you can use it in all the ways you get options for. So you can use your one use per short rest to instill Nature’s Wrath, Turn the Faithless, Turn Undead, or for a Guided Strike. The former forces a wisdom save on all the nearby undead, turning them if they fail. The latter adds 10 to an attack roll you make. You’re a nice person, but sometimes you just gotta get Kali on their asses, you know?

Cleric 3: Third level clerics get second level spells, like Magic Weapon which we already went over and Spiritual Weapon, which lets you forgo your not good strength score to attack with a big glowy weapon as a bonus action. If all this bloodshed is getting you down, you can also use Calm Emotions to try to end things peacefully.

Cleric 4: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for stronger paladin spells and auras. You also learn the Mending cantrip for some mending.

Cleric 5: At fifth level, clerics can start to Destroy Undead instead of turning them if they’re CR 1/2 or lower, destroying them instantly if they fail their save. You also get third level spells like Crusader’s Mantle for a widespread worse elemental weapon and Spirit Guardians to create those other two Parvatis for your NP. Alternatively, you can cast Life Transference to give some of your HP to your allies. It’s not quite as bad since you resist the damage, but I doubt there’s many people on your team who need health more than you do.

Cleric 6: At sixth level, clerics get a second Channel Divinity each rest, and you can use that to give out a War God’s Blessing, giving +10 to nearby ally’s attack roll.

Cleric 7: For your freebie fourth level spells you get Freedom of Movement and Stoneskin to help with your less than amazing physical stats. You can also use Aura of Life and Aura of Purity to make life around you just a bit nicer.

Cleric 8: Use your last ASI to bump up your Wisdom for better cleric spells and more cleric beatdowns with War Priest. Also, Destroy Undead kills CR 1 creatures, and you get a Divine Strike, adding 1d8 damage to a weapon’s damage once per turn.

Cleric 9: Ninth level clerics get fifth level spells, like Flame Strike and Hold Monster. It might not be a lightning bolt, but any wrath of god is a good wrath of god in my book. You can also use spells like Summon Celestial to phone a family member for some help, or Hallow to make life a bit better in a single place for 24 hours. There’s a lot of effects to pick from, so make sure you check them out on your own time.

Cleric 10: Tenth level clerics get another cantrip, so grab Resistance to buff your saves just a little bit more. You also get Divine Intervention once per day, giving you a ten percent chance of a god saving your ass when you use it. If you succeed you can’t use it again for a week.

Cleric 11: Your capstone level bumps your destroy undead up to CR 2 creatures, and you can cast sixth level spells like Heroes’ Feast. Heal people up and make it even harder for charms to effect them thanks to an empowered wisdom save, what’s not to love?

Pros:

Frontline fighters tend to be pretty bad against magic, but thanks to Parvati’s auras they’ll have a much easier time when they’re fighting near her.

Despite her stats, she’s also not that bad at fighting thanks to all her magical support. Thanks to being a war cleric she can just slap +10 onto an attack to make sure it hits, and thanks to being a paladin she can make that one hit really count. She also gets more hits per turn thanks to War Priest than either a paladin or a war cleric would get alone.

Even with that fighting and regular gish spells, she still has a varied and flexible set of spells thanks to both her classes being prep based and clerics just being good in general.

Cons:

She still only has a strength score of 14, so she can’t use heavy armor well even if she wanted to, and it also eats into her damage a bit when you’re not using smites.

When she’s not using magic she’s really easy to beat up, with barely over 100 hp and an AC of 11. She should probably be in at least chainmail if you seriously want to play as her.

Most of her martial prowess is built into features with limited uses, with Guided Strike only usable twice a short rest and War Priest four times a long rest. Also, stuff like Stoneskin and and Shield of Faith are concentration based, which isn’t one of her strong suits.

[hisunshiine]

Money Heist | knj | Part 1

moodboard 1 | moodboard 2 | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Kim Namjoon x Reader starring in a bank robbery au

↳ M-18+, implied sexual content, major character deaths, bank robbery actions (violence, use of weapons, deciet)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Money Heist Masterlist | Heathfritillary (author)

The Professor’s Rules

Rule #1 - No real names Rule #2 - No falling in love Rule #3 - Absolute trust Rule #4 - No games Rule #5 - Follow the plan, throughout Rule #6 - No taking lives, no civils Rule #7 - Low profile Rule #8 - Memorize the plan Rule #9 - Codes, escape routes Rule #10 - Blend

Prologue: Dread was not the right word to use to express how I felt. Every waking moment was an uncertainty. Every passing day I had to look over my shoulder. Senses on high alert, heart-pounding fiercer, I had to stay sharp. All I had to rely on was my intuition, rationality, the rush of adrenaline as it pumped through my veins as it guided me to safety.

There was no room for fuckups. Rules were set in place before, during, and after the heist. The Professor made sure of it.

Everything was methodically thought out. There was zero tolerance for anything that steered from what already was part of the Professor’s plan. Every detail was thoroughly calculated, gone through numerous times until perfected, and every possible scenario or turn the heist could go, the Professor had already considered it.

When I met him, I guessed him to be someone who was reserved. That initial thought, however, remained throughout the months I spent and got to know him. Regardless of my attempts to loosen him up, he grew more inward. A timid and quiet man, one I could not quite figure out despite my intuitive bullshit radar. My instincts told me otherwise. The Professor was someone I could trust. Moreover, he was someone who had my back if the going ever got tough.

Even after I had broken one of his sacred rules, he kept me around.

He stated it was solely because of my natural blend-ability. In other words, I was the type of person who could go unnoticed and get away with things. Although originally offended, one of the Daegu brothers – during our first meetings – mockingly pointed out my pretty privilege, claiming it was a universal thing to bend the rules and show favoritism to people that society deemed as attractive.

It bothered me to my core but despite it – and as the only woman on the team – I had to admit, I could complete missions and do things the others were not able to. Because of this, I was an asset regardless of how many rules I broke.

I was aware of it being careless, stupid even. It was not something that was planned, it was merely something that happened beyond my control. It occurred and I did not regret it one bit.

Love always seemed to happen at the least likely places. It was not a foreign concept to me, neither were relationships. In fact, I cherished everything about love and my language of expression was forever limitless.

When I was introduced to the other members the Professor carefully handpicked for the heist, I was taken aback by their charms and charisma.

They were handsome, all six of them; each with their own styles and skills to assist the Professor and his master plan. Some of them knew each other from rumors or past jobs and others did not.

I worked alone, always had and always would.  

The day the Professor recruited me, he had asked to meet him at Chateau de Foix, a castle in France. He had sneakily placed a note in my jacket as I was scouting a Chanel store intending to rob it days later. I was not sure what I was getting into but before even meeting him, he assured me with his note that he could make me wealthier than I could ever contemplate. So, I met him at Chateau de Foix.

I was interested. He caught my attention.

He did not disclose much until he was certain I was someone who he could trust. Honestly, I could not blame him. Partners were not my thing, especially partnering with a man. There was something about them that made my skin crawl. When it came to men and money, there was always one certain thing; they would fuck you over.

The Professor laid out pieces of his plan and as obscure and ambitious as it was, I kind of felt intrigued by his nerdy appearance, his hesitation to look me in the eye, how well-spoken he was and how greatly he sold his plan.

Again, he caught my attention.

Luckily, he had informed me where the next meeting would be and that I was the only woman on the team. He requested I thought it over and I did. I flew to South Korea. That was where the plan had to take place.

At first, I could not escape the futile catcalls or misogynistic remarks. The Professor was too much of a beta to control the dominant thieves who thought they knew better than most.

The worst one was the man with the effortless beauty and striking features. At first glance, he did not look Korean. GC as we called him, or Geochang County as the Professor had dubbed him. Younger brother to Daegu and quite frankly, a little too handsy for my liking and too excited to see a pair of tits on the team. So, I did what I had to ensure my survival and role as well as what I did not tolerate.

He did not appreciate the sass and the chokehold on his intimate part as I stood my ground.

Since then, no one had attempted to try my patience. In fact, all the teasing became just that, teasing … with zero malice or ill intentional comments. They were guys around me, sure, but they became mindful, more tolerable. Exactly how I preferred my men.

For months, I spent time with the six guys including the Professor as we prepared to rob the Bank of Korea. I got to know them individually and I had to admit they were starting to feel like family.

The Professor had set us up at Jindo, a remote island known for its parting sea during the spring season. He had rented a beach house and from there we listened as the Professor disclosed his plan, made the necessary preparations such as getting familiar with the bank, its routines, staff, and much more.

Busan, Seoul, and I would often get paired when a trip to the Bank of Korea was presented.

Busan was a mastermind in human behavior and expertly designed profiles of everyone that worked at the bank; from cleaners to CEOs. If you ever wondered or had questions about anyone going in and out of the bank, Busan was the man to call.

Despite his small size and soft features, he was a man who could not tolerate disadvantages. Knowledge was power he would often say especially during a heist and he would stride for perfection.

He was smart.

I did not think of making profiles for the law enforcement that would be called to deal with the hostage situation we would inevitably have to take to secure our survival. But Busan did. He knew exactly who the bank would call, their past, their marital status, the number of kids, he knew everything.

He was an asset.

Seoul, however, possessed something that completely went over my head. Technology. At first glance, I guessed him to be an assassin of some sort.

He was the quietest of the group and the hardest man to get close to. Despite his big eyes and tattoos, he was extremely fun to be around. Once he opened up, I realized my instincts about him were a tad off. Although a part of me questioned my abilities, I came to the realization that looks could be deceiving. Seoul was someone who did not open up as easily as the rest and had to assess his environment first.

I was much like him and because of this, he and I became the closest.

The technology was not my strongest suit but it was his. Every trip we made to the capital, he gained more knowledge about the bank and the software they used including hacking their system, so we could gain access to the security cameras.

The Professor was beside himself when he received the live footage of the bank. This meant we did not have to expose ourselves by making those trips to the capital but could spy on everyone from the comfort of our beach house.

I was relieved. Unlike Busan and Seoul, I had to be the one to risk everything and use my abilities and go inside the bank. The Professor had bought wigs and often I would rotate them with each trip but that did not stop my heart from beating faster than it ever had.

A thief afraid of getting caught, Busan would joke often in my earpiece but the Bank of Korea was something far greater than the high-end stores I used to steal from. It was a different level and the consequence of getting caught was larger than a meaningless brand shop.

Once the dust settled and we gathered some information, part two of the Professor’s plan could start. Breaking in the bank and taking hostages as leverage was the easiest part. Once inside, we had to establish some kind of order. The Professor would be on the outside helping the rest coordinate from within while being the voice of the heist.

I caught him blankly staring at the vision board he often used like a teacher standing in front of his class, deep in thought as his eyes wandered across the whiteboard, “Can I help?”

“No, I’m thinking.”

“Need help thinking?” I teasingly suggested the wine bottle I was drinking from.

“Once inside, what is your job?”

“The hostages with GC.”

“Why?”

I shrugged as I took a sip. The Professor ripped his gaze from the board and glared at me. He was not in the mood for my games. Something was bothering him. So, I sighed, “We both can handle a gun, GC isn’t afraid to use it. By having one of each gender there, the women will feel safer and the men won’t try anything.”

“And?”

“And we are the calm and order. Our job is to keep them quiet and put the fear of God in them.”

“And you?” he murmured as he placed his index finger on the bridge of his nose, keeping his glasses from falling, “I am sure there will be arguments and disagreements once you get inside. There’s no going around that fact. All of you have some kind of experience but most of you are hot-headed. Who will put the fear of God in you? As you eloquently said. Who?”

“Gwacheon is the oldest.” The Professor stood up after my answer. I watched him as he began to collect his things from the desk before he excused himself, “Where do you plan on going?” I asked as I followed him to the front door.

“I’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” He reached for his jacket and told me to trust him and take a break until he returned before leaving for an unknown mission.  

A couple of days turned into a week. The Professor was gone and some of the other guys grew agitated. Some questioned him and his plan while others, including myself, did as he had asked and took a break.

Gwacheon, the oldest and the most level-headed person on the team, was lounging by the bonfire created for the dinner he was preparing. Loyal to the Professor as I was, he went ahead and took his suggestion.

Everyone was desperate for a break. It had been months of planning and thinking of every detail. A break was welcomed, needed.

Gwacheon had planned a dinner for the team and was thrilled to have some downtime. With beers in the cooler, the sun setting beyond the horizon, and a cozy fire, he began to season the beef as he hollered for me to start the music. The Professor was on my mind. So, in honor of him, I played ‘Bella Ciao’ by Manu Pilas. He was far from home as was I and although he was not around at the moment to enjoy the festivities with us, I knew he was with us in spirit.

I tapped on Gwacheon’s broad shoulder and he shot an amused smile. The Latin vibes of the upbeat song made me dance with soju in my hand. Allowing the Spanish words to energize and elevate my mood as I poorly attempted to sing along. He laughed at my dance but could not help swing his hips along to the beat.

My eyes then caught Daegu’s as he was assembling a gun. He smiled and shot me a quick nod to sit by him.

I eyed him as he began to pick the L85 apart before placing it in front of me. I raised an eyebrow at him, he chuckled while gesturing I gave it a shot. Proclaiming it was better to be prepared for a situation rather than a situation unfolding and remaining oblivious.

From the moment I met him, I knew he was the real deal, even heard rumors about the great mastermind who stole the Hope Diamond. When questioning him in my drunken state, Daegu simply flashed me a gummy smile. I was not too sure what that meant but I was certain he was someone who was legit and that I could potentially learn a lot from. I did.

Daegu was the kind of man who kept to himself, quiet and reserved like the Professor but he did not shy away from passing down his experiences and knowledge. I often caught myself wondering how polar opposite he was from his brother, GC. Daegu struck me as someone methodical with his approach while GC was spontaneous. But as the Professor ensured, GC had something most in the team did not have; quick thinking, unique perspectives, and the kind of smarts that could never be taught.

“Go ahead,” Daegu said as GC came into view with Gwangju carrying bowls of rice, kimchi, and steamed vegetables.

I grabbed the disassembled parts and attempted to assemble them to my best capabilities. Daegu grinned and GC approached the table. He waited a moment and watched as I struggled with the parts until he groaned and grabbed the gun from me.

Swiftly, he assembled the gun while casually counting in his native tongue, “Samshipil,” he announced as he slid the gun back to me, “31 seconds.”

“That’s a record,” Daegu smiled at his brother.

“I don’t know what the Professor was on but I doubt you’ll get any hostage to take you seriously if you can’t even do that.”

“Don’t listen to him. He’s a prick,” Daegu shot his brother a glare, “We have time,” he began to disassemble the gun once more, “Try again.”

I was grateful for Daegu’s patience. Although I had some knowledge of firearms, I tended not to use them during my ventures. A small pocket pistol was always in my bag and I could operate it. However, these types of guns were far from anything I had experienced, bigger too.

Luckily though, Daegu was a trained assassin and this was his specialty. He along with Gwacheon and Gwangju had pulled off heists before; together as well as separate. In other words, they were the experts on the team.

Daegu and Gwangju had a friendship like no other and had often saved each other from dire situations. They had worked multiple jobs together and relied on one another in admirable ways. For a moment, I was envious of their friendship and loyalty to each other.

Although Gwacheon had worked with them before, he often carried out small heists on his own. Much like myself, he preferred not to have a partner but made me realize that sometimes they could be useful, especially when it came to bigger jobs.

He was a lone wolf when he had to be. He told me to remember that. And I did.

I did not see the appeal. In fact, humans tend to be unreliable and oftentimes selfish. I could not trust it, anyone for that matter. It was one of the first things I learned from my father. His partner had sold him out, so he could reduce the sentence the authorities were threatening him with. Since then, I did not seek the help of others.

It was always me, myself, and I. However, the Professor managed to find a group of people whose company I actually enjoyed. Despite being thieves and some of them murderers, they were a group of men I had grown to like and trust.

Gwangju sat opposite me as I struggled with the L85. He clinked his soju bottle with mine and I grinned before giving up, “Look me in the eye as you take the first sip,” I ordered.

“Cheers,” he said and grinned, “Does that mean something where you’re from?”

“Means you’ll have bad sex if you don’t.”

“Well in that case,” he clinked his bottle with mine once more, “We don’t want that.”

He shot me a big and pearly smile before he began to assemble the gun. I studied his prominent features for a moment, admiring his natural beauty and olive skin before directing my gaze down at the heavy firearm as he explained which parts went where.

Fully focused on his words and his handle of the gun, I felt Busan’s presence behind me. He climbed between Daegu and me, “What’s up?” I asked when I caught his eyes.

“After dinner, we should get lit and go to the festival,” his suggestive demeanor forced a smile from me. Out of the six men, he was the one who actively sought my attention, persistent fucker.

He was interested in me, I could sense it. And although it would have been easy to spread my legs for him or any of the others, I was only interested in collecting my end of the robbery. Completing the heist unscathed was my sole concern and these little horny thieves were not going to stray me from my goal.

“Low profile,” Gwangju spat as my eyes were on Busan’s, “We can’t be seen together. Rule number seven.”

“Screw the Professor and his rules,” he responded without taking his eyes off mine. Busan studied my features as my gaze shifted from his plump lips to his dark eyes, “Besides, we deserve a little fun,” he directed his attention to Gwangju, “What the Professor doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

“He did say we were on a break until he got back.”

“Do not encourage him, London,” Gwangju warned after finishing the assembly of the gun.

“A little fun didn’t hurt anyone,” Busan voiced as his fingertips caressed my bare shoulder.

“Careful there, brother,” GC sat beside Gwangju with soju in hand, “You do not want her claws piercing your ballsack.”

“London wouldn’t be that mean to me,” Busan’s eyes wandered between mine and then my lips as he leaned closer, “Would you?”

I felt the hot air from his parted lip brush against mine and I could not help but meet him halfway. With a cocky smirk, I reached down for his clothed manhood, digging my sharp nails in the jean fabric he wore as a sudden groan escaped him, “Don’t get too comfortable, kiddo,” I whispered against his mouth as he hissed and cursed under his breath.

“Told you,” GC grinned, and soon after the rest began to laugh at Busan’s failed attempt.

➰

Busan convinced GC and Seoul to join him at the spring festival. Every year on the day of the parting sea, locals would celebrate the event by throwing a massive street party. The island was known for its festivities and attracted a lot of tourists. I could not visit South Korea and not experience what Jindo had to offer. So, I went, and as reluctant as Gwangju was, he joined us as well until Gwacheon decided to make it a family affair and convinced Daegu to join the outing too.

South Korea had always been a country I wanted to visit. It was known for its rich culture, delicious food, and its kind people. So far, I enjoyed everything I had experienced.

Despite the intention of the visit, I was grateful to be here and be amongst native men who could guide me and translate if needed. Sadly, one of the Professor’s rules was to blend as much as we could and not draw any attention to ourselves. Knowing him and the stick up his butt, he would not have been too pleased to know that we were lounging with the locals, getting drunk until late, and essentially making a mockery of his rule system.

Close to midnight, Daegu wanted to head back to the beach house and he did along with me and Seoul who had to prepare to monitor the bank in the morning. He was close to hacking into the internal security system, the one that allowed us to view everything on the inside.

Freshly out of the shower, the house was painfully quiet with most of the others still enjoying the festivities. I danced around with a pair of headsets blasting music in my ears, enjoying the alcohol that roamed in my system as I shimmied into my undergarments. ‘All That’ by Emotional Oranges came on and I sang along as I smeared lotion on my body. Soon the music captivated every inch of my body and I began to dance when suddenly I caught a glimpse of a man watching me by the door.

A loud gasp came out of me, but as startled as I was, my body knowingly eased, assessing the situation as I stared down the stranger without showcasing any fear. I had not seen him before and I wondered how he had gotten inside of the beach house.

Seoul had explicitly explained that the place was safely secured.

The man leaned against the doorframe as a small sigh evaded his plump lips while he unapologetically allowed his gaze to travel down my body, “The Professor didn’t say anything about a woman being on the team.”

“The Professor?”

He eyed me momentarily, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m Ilsan. What’s your assigned city?”

“London.” I nodded as the realization came over me. He was what the Professor was searching for. He was the mission he had mentioned; the team’s leader and the one to instill the fear of God in us.

Just then did it occur to me that Ilsan had to be someone the Professor trusted completely. He was almost obsessively calculated with everything about the heist. For our safety and his own. Everything had to be planned. And he was right. We were hot-headed, argued, and disagreed many times. Everyone had their own styles but for the heist to be successful, it required that we all moved as a team. The Professor knew this, knew once we were inside, he was limited in terms of guidance. Although communication would be out of the question, he needed someone on the inside that would make sure the proper steps would be taken.

I eyed Ilsan and sensed why the Professor had chosen him. He had an authoritative aura. I was sure he was the kind of man who inserted his dominance well. The Professor was a beta but based on first impressions, Ilsan struck me as someone who did not mind and preferred - despite the pressure and responsibility - to be the top alpha of the team.

“London,” he sang, “That's a pretty name. I have been there. Wet country.” I attempted to hold back the appearing smile that the comment accurately described about my home city, “Did you choose it or did the Profess--”

“You got your sneak peek,” I hastily voiced, not interested in his small talk and especially with lack of clothes on, “Fuck off. I’m getting ready for bed.”

He chuckled into a low hum as he crossed his arms, resting his head against the doorframe, “You usually have a party before bed?” I caught a glance of his smirk and the dimples that came along with it. He was a flirt, much like Busan, and I was not having it. Ilsan did not know that I was someone not to be messed with. But he would soon. I walked over to the door and shoved him backward by his chest before slamming the door in his face.

↣ all rights reserved © heathfritillary 2021. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed. 

[simon-newman]

Newman’s Anime Reviews - Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion

Hello and welcome again to the 2nd of my 2021 anime challenge review.

For February I’ve watched something that my friends were trying to make me watch for years.

It might actually be more than a decade that I’ve been putting this title off and they were quick to add this to my challenge list once the opportunity arised.

Were they right to recommend this title to me? Should I have watched this anime earlier? Those 10 years ago?

Perhaps. Still - I’m coming here with mixed feelings on this show. But… I’ll talk more about it in the review proper.

Today’s title is the 2006’s anime by Sunrise.

  Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion

  Now where do I even begin with this show? What even is this? What the hell is happening?

Well…

The Empire of Britannia is one of the 3 major political powers in the world of Code Geass - ruled by the Emperor Charles zi Britannia they invaded the country of Japan 10 years before the start of the plot.

Their absolute military dominance thanks to the use of cool mecha has led to unconditional surrender of Japan which is now known as Area 11.

It is there that our protagonist - Lelouch - the young Britannian student plans to take his revenge on the Emperor himself for what he’s done to him and his wheelchair-bound sister. 

I feel that it is important to put emphasis on this last part here because this is the ultimate motivation for our MC. Something that’ll drive him forward no matter what.

He wants to create a safe world for his sister. That’s it.

Need to protecc.

  The question that remains is: How?

How do a teenage boy banished to one of the colonies is supposed to change the world and cause a major power shift?

We get first glimpse at his supposed skill almost immediately - with Lelouch easily defeating an adult player in the game of chess. Nothing much so far but it’s an indication of his real power “shown” later on.

Lelouch is a genius… Or at least this is what the anime tries to convey to us. He is clearly smart and a gifted strategist with lots of charisma and a penchant for theatrics.

However - this is still not enough. That’s why something happens to push our protagonist forward at this stage. In a weird turn of events, a run in with anti-britannian terrorists and a top secret research subject Lelouch obtains the titular Geass.

What is a Geass? It is a power gifted to an individual which in case of Lelouch allows him to give anyone he establishes an eye contact with a single command that this person must follow.

This is actually one of the tame ones.

  From there on Lelouch joins and reforms the “terrorists” into “Black Knights” - a Rebellion led by his alter-ego the masked man called Zero - and starts executing his plan to take revenge… I mean to make the world a safe place for Nunnally.

From there we follow Lelouch as his Rebellion grows while he himself learns the limits and drawbacks of his power and tries his best to hide his identity as Zero.

Initially the show is quite entertaining - especially when it comes to battle scenes where we get to see Lelouch improbable planning and tactical skills at work. As for the other parts…

Yeah… I should have watched this show those 10 years ago because right now the parts with MC’s school life just don’t do this for me… They really slow down the plot and while they do serve the purpose of establishing various plot-important details it’s just... 

Well the pacing sucks.

Without any breaks and just the action sequences the anime would be very much rushed but the break parts at school just go on forever, developing into trivial stories used to deliver some little bit of exposition or character development. The balance is off and the show doesn’t get better until the mid point…

Speaking of which…

Nice mountain you’ve got there...

  There’s a major shift that happens somewhere in the mid-point of the anime that is bothering me to this day.

Who is the bad guy?

It might seem like a trivial question to many.

Obviously it’s Britannia! With their world conquest, asshole Emperor, warmongering royals, discrimination of conquered nations they call Numbers (in case of Japanese it’s “Elevens”) and engaging in wanton destruction and genocide for no good reason. They’re basically the Nazis.

With the above in mind there’s nothing wrong with Lelouch being willing to use all means at his disposal to achieve his goals… Right?

Monsters need to be stopped.

That was kinda the thing until the Battle of Narita where the Black Knights’ tactics caused the destruction of a town.

Now - this by itself could have been used to drive the point home with the Rebellion losing a lot of PR. After all the town was in the JLF controlled territory, inhabited by the Elevens and stuff…

Well. You see - the creators of the show didn’t think that was enough and/or missed the opportunity.

First of all - there’s no PR backlash for the Black Knights whatsoever. Nobody cares. The Britannian are now leading the rescue and recovery operations in the area and… It’s just weird. Why would they suddenly bother?

Secondly - it suddenly turns out that the people in the enemy-controlled territory were… Britannians? SOMEHOW. This is made to inflict personal level suffering to MC and some other characters as one of the character’s relatives dies in the event.

Third of all - after this very point there’s a major change. We no longer get to see Britannians committing atrocities but do get Lelouch crossing line after a line in the pursuit of his goals.

I think the creators realized that to make it appear more grey vs grey they can’t show Britannians as complete monsters but… It really doesn’t feel to occur naturally here. Were the person in charge of Britannians change again? Yes - I could accept that they are a better person than the previous leader. It isn’t so. And even if it was it wouldn’t undo their previous actions and made the characters that stayed seem really inconsistent.

It’s a major turn off for me when consistency in storytelling takes a back seat for a point to be made.

Because Zero’s not edgy enough without it I guess...

  There’s also another kind of inconsistency here when it comes to battles.

The cool mecha used by the Britannians are… Well. In the early parts they seem indestructible until the plot demands they’re not.

At first it seems that only other mecha have the weapons that can affect them. Then we see that some weapons do work BUT it is only when MC is commanding the battle.

It’s a magic wand that removes the plot armor from Britannians whenever Lelouch is there and often gives them to the allies.

Often - being the key word here.

One good thing is that it doesn’t stick. Plot-important characters don’t die but they are not immune to damage either. The mechas often get wrecked and require fixing. Lelouch himself is subject to this quite often as he’s not an outstanding pilot like others on his side.

It is thanks to that aspect of the action parts that the anime is not becoming one-sided and remains entertaining. You’re drawn to it to see what’s happening because it’s not just another battle.

Yes... Really entertaining battles...

  I think it is becoming apparent what’s the issue here.

There are a lot of things done wrong with this anime. Things that don’t necessarily break it but I can’t just overlook them. Things that are putting me off. Inconsistency, bad pacing, weird editing where some scenes are cut extremely abruptly - as if to reduce time. 

There’s also the usual issue of geniuses written by people who are not geniuses. Lelouch brilliancy is only guaranteed by the fact that people on the other side will do something stupid. Some of his actions are not the brightest and some are just downright stupid and easily could lead to his downfall were his enemies to have half a brain. Or worse - one action is such a poor choice it simply falls apart on it’s own - and you could expect it to the moment “it” happens (is there a point in keeping spoilers on this show? I’m talking about Geasing Shirley).

There’s also the braindead Suzaku - a subject so controversial on the Internet that I’ve hesitated to touch it here and decided to only reduce it to a small paragraph.

Yes. Suzaku is an idealistic foil to Lelouch. He serves his purpose. BUT. His idealism is stupid - not by the virtues he’s holding but by remaining blind to what is happening around him. He wants to end the discrimination without using violence but the Britannians are killing Elevens for no reason whatsoever. Time and time again the side he’s on goes against his principles and he still sticks to them. It is becoming less and less possible to emphasise with him with each incidence.

Still - there was a certain charm to this anime. It was fun to watch and only getting better the farther in I’ve gotten.

Not including the school drama.

All in all the score I was about to give was still going to be pretty low at this point. The anime was decent but far too flawed for my tastes… That was when the last story arc started.

The pizza...

  I must say. The rug was pulled from under my feet.

Those events were really unexpected. Emotionally draining and yet entertaining as nothing before in this show.

So many lines have been crossed in an instant - there was no return. Not anymore. Shit was happening and it was a spectacle to watch. Some men just want to see the world burn. Duh. I watched events unfold and I enjoyed it very much until the very end.

The end of a 1st season that assured I WILL watch the 2nd one when I find the time (I didn’t so that it wouldn’t affect this review).

All in all - the show’s grand finale is the high point that offsets all the problems I’ve talked about earlier. It is simply done perfectly.

And speaking of endings. It is time to finally end this review as well...

 Final Score: 7/10  

Status: Completed Season 1

Sentence: Lelouch vi Britannia commands you: Watch Season 2!

Previous: Kimetsu no Yaiba

[dany-is-my-queen]

Born To Be Yours | Part III

Sansa Stark x Fem! Baretheon! Reader (Daenerys Targaryen x Fem! Baratheon! Reader eventually)

Season 1-8

Word Count: 1,785

Pt. 1 Pt.2 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9

Another tournament was organized. Your father insisted on participate, luckily Lord Stark convinced him otherwise. Who would dare challenge the King of the Seven Kingdoms?

You were sitting exactly like the first occasion but Cersei was absent. She never really enjoy those kind of events, not that they were your favorite either. This time was The Mountain against one of your best friends, Ser Loras of House Tyrell. A very charming man.

“That is a very pretty dress, Myrcella.” You told your little sister. Your gaze directed to the northern girl.

“You like it?” She grinned contemplating at her golden and costly gown. Yours was very similar.

“I do, my lioness.”

Ser Loras approached the redhead giving her a red rose. She gladly accepted and you remember she told you how much she loved knights. He was way more kind than Joffrey. But you knew the Tyrell boy has an affair with uncle Renly, actually, you were the only person who knew their secret. Although here in the capital people’s secrets are never safe.

After The Hound defended the Knight of the Flowers, Ser Gregor left furious. All the applauses were towards him. Later that day you were on your chambers, sparring on your own.

“Y/N, how many times have I told you I don’t like you to be playing with a sword.” The blonde woman nagged.

“Not enough.” You turned to her.

“It’s dangerous. I don’t want you to get hurt.” You took a deep breath.

“Father says it’s for my own good.”

“You have a lot of him in you.”

“Not the eyes. Mine are just like yours.” You scoffed.

“You have Robert’s stubbornness.” She pointed.

“That bothers you? Where is uncle Tyrion? Have you got a word from him?”

“He is a prisoner of Lady Stark.” How can she say it so casual?

“What?! Why??”

“Conspiracy. They assume he hired someone to murder their little son.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. He is not known for being a child killer. What will happen now?”

“Jaime is trying to get him back. We expect the Starks to return him safe and sound to the capital. Practice your needlework. That is more appropriate for a princess to do.” She declared and walked out. You rolled your eyes, resuming your moves.

“Father, you wanted to see me?” He raised his cup and order you to sit on the small table.

“I’m getting old. You, my daughter, are getting better on your fencing. I am proud to see what you are becoming, a hell of a woman! Not a girl anymore. Never let a man commands you. You were born a leader, not a follower. Always remember that.” He gulped, offering you some wine. You like the taste but not the feeling if you drink too much.

“I have your strength, courage and of course, your charisma.” You admitted.

“Indeed. What about you marry Edd’s son? Robb is his name if I recall correctly. I wanted to join our houses. Baratheon and Stark, finally together. Without a fucking Targaryen getting in the way. But Y/N, I want you to live a happy life. Not a loveless marriage like the one your mother and I have. When you are to be wed, choose your partner wisely and never let anyone take them away from you.” You knew when your father was being serious, sorrow written all over his face.

“I can’t start a war if that happens. Thank you, father. I will listen to you. Joffrey and Sansa will rule someday, I hope it’s in a very long time, though. I’m not able to fully understand what you lost when Lady Lyanna was stolen from you. I can’t imagine the pain and frustration you felt. I am sorry.” You looked at him with a sympathetic smile.

“Not more than I am. The only good thing about the outcome was you and your siblings. Even Joffrey. You are way better than him, in every aspect. Cersei always treated you less. But you are my princess.” The bearded man said with nothing but the truth.

“I don’t know what to do. What is expected of me.” You lower your head.

“Don’t worry, child. One of the seven heavens has a plan for you. You are young, beautiful and smart. You are the princess of Westeros. The world shall be as you desire. Don’t worry about that now.” You stood up and hugged him tightly. In that moment you felt safe from any danger, safe even from your mother.

“Lord Varys. What news?” You were walking at a slow pace outside the Throne Room. “You know I only want to help my father make the right choices.” Lord Bealish is not the only one that whispers in your ear, the Eunuch trusts you. Almost everyone does. You’ve never used the intel they tell you to do something wrong. You could never.

“Yes I know, my friend. Daenerys Targaryen.” He sighed. “She is pregnant with Khal Drogo’s child. She’s a threat along with Viserys. I’m certain it’s not a rumor. The King wants her dead, he insists.”

“Thank you for sharing this information with me, my lord.” He bowed his head, turning to the opposite direction.

“How are things in Highgarden?” You asked your old friend.

“Quiet. My grandmother and sister send their regards. They miss you.” The curled man said.

“I’ll go visit soon.”

“Perhaps you could bring your new friend, she’s quite a beauty.” When you opened your mouth to answer a knock from the door caught your attention

“My Princess. Lady Arya is nowhere to be found.”

“I want every single one of my guards searching out for her. When you locate her take her immediately to Lord Eddard. Please.” The young man nodded.

After a few hours, the little wolf appeared. “Oh, Arya! You are okay. Where have you been?”

“I got lost. Thanks for worrying. I’m fearful... for my father.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve heard they plan to kill him.” She almost whispered.

“Who?”

“I don’t know. The King will protect him, right?” She asked with preoccupation in her voice.

“Of course, Arya.” She hugged you. The last Hand, Jon Arryn, he died because the fever took him, or did someone plan it? Now the Lord of Winterfell was in danger? A thousand scenarios began to run in your head.

You just received the jewel you asked to be made to the finest hand-crafter in King’s Landing, a gorgeous silver ring with House Stark sigil. The wolf in the middle was discreet yet visible. A perfect gift for a perfect lady. You were excited to deliver it so you head to find her. Someone got earlier. You didn’t speak right away.

“Would you forgive me, for my rudeness?” At least he was apologizing.

“There is nothing to forgive.” She was stuttering.

“One day we’ll be married. I’ll never disrespect you again. I’ll never be cruel to you again. Do you understand me?” You are my lady now. From this day until my last day.” Your heart ached at the thought of it. But it’s something you already knew. Seeing them together was different.

“My Princess.” You were about to turn around when Septa Mordane greeted you.

“I... I didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t know you were with Lady Sansa.” Joffrey eyed you with his usual sulky expression.

“Leave us alone, sister.” He hissed.

“My lady.” You just bowed your head completely embarrassed.

You called for the tall girl to be escorted to your chambers. “I intended to give you this yesterday. I’m sorry for running into you when you were occupied.”

“It’s alright. It’s beautiful!” She had a wide smile as you put the ring on her index finger.

“I see Joffrey gave you a necklace.” You noticed the golden piece. She took it and nodded.

“Yes. It’s like the one you wear.”

“My mother and Myrcella have one identical. It suits you.”

“That’s what he said. I will be his queen someday.” She excited exclaimed.

“Yes, you will.” Your heart was aching again.

“The ring is lovely. Thank you, princess.” The Northerner admired it happily.

“Now you have something to remember the North. I had it made especially for you. You are very welcome.” You smiled warmly at her.

“Y/N, you’ll be joining the hunt.” Your father stated.

“With pleasure.” You’ve always loved to go hunting, it was not a boring activity for you at all. You gather your weapons. Your skills were good, though every time you go to the wild you learn something new.

You were deep in the woods, a bow in your hand. Your father was carrying a spear. Ser Barristan and uncle Renly joined too.

“Father, don’t kill the Targaryen girl. I understand why you need to do it. Don’t see it as an act of honor but of mercy. She’s innocent. They are far away from King’s Landing. You are not a butcher. Don’t send anyone to hunt her down. More so if she’s carrying a baby inside her.”

“You and Ned so honorable. Maybe you are right. Little girls don’t frighten me.” You were relieved when you heard him say that. There is hope for them. “You weren’t a man till you fucked one girl of each of the Seven Kingdoms and the Riverlands. We used to call it “making the eight.” He giggled.

“Those were some lucky girls.” The youngest Baratheon brother said without a bit of excitement.

“Y/N! I suppose it counts for the boys too.” You smirked and nudged your uncle. “Those were the days.” The smile fell from his lips. Now he was angry.

“What days exactly? The ones were half of Westeros fight the other half and millions died. Or before that, when the Mad King slaughtered women and babies cause the voices in his head told him they deserved it. Or way before that, when dragons burnt whole cities to the ground.” He spat.

“Easy, boy. You might be my brother but you’re speaking to the king.” The black-haired man warned.

“More wine, your grace?” Lancel nervously offered.

“Father, you should slow down with the booze, it can make you feel dizzy and to hunt you need to stay focus.” You declared.

“Oh my dear daughter, I’d done this a million times. Wine is my preferred ally.” He said.

It all happened so fast, Robert missed his thrust and was seriously injured by a boar, he was very drunk to be concentrated. When you, Ser Barristan and Renly tried to help it was too late. You arrived from the Kingswood with him almost unconscious. All the way back you were quivering. Fearing for your father’s life.

[nerdythebard]

#11: Gilan [Ranger's Apprentice]

Hello there!

NO! ...Not yet. One day, maybe.

Anyway, today we're building Gilan, a Rangers from the fantastic Ranger's Apprentice series by John Flanagan. This request was made by my best friend, @iximaz. They sure know I love challenges. Now, let's see if I can surprise them with this build.

Next Time: The Question... the First Question, the oldest question in the universe, that must never be answered, hidden in plain sight!

Now, what do we need to make Gilan work?

Silent & Deadly: Every Ranger's ultimate party trick. They are able to move in complete silence and blend into the environment so well, people tell stories about their supernatural powers... Rangers are basically Medieval ninjas, and Gilan was stated to be the best of them all at Unseen Movement.

Look at my Horse: All Rangers have a special, almost familiar-like bond with their mounts. We shall give Gilan a horse, or at the very least skills to obtain and maintain a horse.

Brains & Brawn: Rangers are trained in a large variety of topics, ranging (heh) from survival and archery to cooking and sewing. We need to be a little skill monkey.

---

Gilan is a Human (although a Tabaxi would also work if you're feeling adventurous). As always, pick a Variant option, it's just better. We get a +1 to two abilities of our choice, go for Dexterity and Wisdom. We also learn Common and one language of our choice, one skill of our choice (Investigation), and we can take a feat. Skulker works fantastically for sneaky Rangers; we can hide in lightly obscured places, missing an attack doesn't reveal our hiding spot, and we don't get a disadvantage on Perception checks in dim light.

Gilan is the son of one of Araluen's most respected knights, but he himself doesn't seem to use his position and family privilege enough to give him the Noble background. Instead, let's focus on his Ranger career and make him the Folk Hero. This background gives us proficiency in Animal Handling and Survival, proficiency with land vehicles (carriages, wagons, etc.) and one set of artisan's tools (woodcarver's tools let us create our own arrows), and we get the Rustic Hospitality feature; if we're good to common folk, we can find a place to sleep or hide in their settlements.

ABILITY SCORES

Dexterity is our highest score, we're sneaky and we're accurate with a bow. Follow that up with Constitution, we need endurance for long travels. Wisdom is next, almost all of our knowledge is practical street-smarts and survival techniques.

Next is Charisma, we've managed to charm at least one lucky lady, who knows who else fell for Gilan (fan-fiction writers do!). Strength is a little lower than I want it to be, especially since we are trained in swordsmanship. Finally, we're dumping Intelligence - we're not stupid, we just need other abilities more.

CLASS

Level 1 - Ranger: Unsurprisingly, we start with Ranger (Revised). Our Hit Die is a d10, we get [10 + Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiency with light armour, medium armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. Standard leather armour sounds like the right choice for a Ranger, and we can't forget about a bow, daggers, throwing knives (here: darts) and - in Gilan's case - a sword. Our saving throws are Strength and Dexterity, and we get to choose three class skills: let's go for Insight, Perception, and Stealth.

We start off this class by choosing our Favoured Enemy: beasts, fey, humanoids, monstrosities, or undead. We get +2 to damage rolls against our chosen type, as well as an advantage on Survival check when tracking them and Intelligence check when recalling information about them. We also learn one language of our choice.

The Natural Explorer feature grants us several benefits when exploring the wilderness:

We no longer suffer from difficult terrain;

We have an advantage on initiative rolls;

On our first combat turn, we have an advantage against a creature that hadn't made its move yet.

Additionally, if we're travelling for longer than 1 hour:

Difficult terrain doesn't slow the group's travel time;

The group cannot become lost, unless via magical means;

The group cannot be surprised, even if engaged in an activity (foraging, tracking, etc.);

If we move by ourselves, we can move stealthily at a normal pace;

When we forage, we find twice as much food;

While tracking other creatures, we also learn their exact number, size, and how long ago they passed through the area we're currently at.

Level 2 - Ranger: At this level, we get to choose our Fighting Style, and Archery is a no-brainer, it's the preferred combat option of all RA Rangers. We get a +2 bonus to all attack rolls we make with our ranged weapons.

Although RA Rangers don't use magic, D&D Rangers get access to Spellcasting. Wisdom is our spellcasting ability, we get no cantrips, and we begin with two 1st-level spell slots:

Beast Bond is a divination spell that creates an empathic bond between us and a beast of our choice, like a horse. For 10 minutes (concentration), we can communicate telepathically with our beast, and it is able to reply with simple emotions and concepts that we understand. The beast also gets an advantage on attack rolls against any creature within 5 feet of us. Just remember the password.

Hunter's Mark makes us focus our attention on a particular target. For 1 hour (concentration), you deal extra 1d6 damage to the marked creature, and we have an advantage on Perception and Survival checks related to tracking and finding it. If the marked target dies before the spell ends, we can use a bonus action to mark a new creature.

Level 3 - Ranger: We gain the Primeval Awareness feature, which lets us communicate simple concepts and ideas with beasts around us. We learn of the beast's emotional state, mood, and intent, which might save us from a fight.

Additionally, we can spend 1 minute concentrating, and detect if our Favoured Enemy type is somewhere within 5 miles of us. We learn the enemy numbers, presence, and the general direction from us.

This is also where we pick our subclass, our Ranger Conclave. For quiet and stealthy Rangers, who keep mostly to the shadows and avoid open conflicts, the Gloom Stalker Conclave works best. First, we learn the Disguise Self spell, which lets us change our appearance for 1 hour. We also gain the Dread Ambusher feature, we can get our Wisdom modifier added to our Initiative roll. At the start of our first turn, our ground speed increases by 10 feet and lasts so until the end of that turn. If we make an Attack during that turn, we can make one additional Attack. If that attack hits, the target takes extra 1d8 damage. Finally, we get Umbral Sight, which grants us 60 feet of darkvision. We are also invisible to creatures with darkvision if we're moving in the darkness.

We gain one more 1st-level spell: Snare utilizes 25 feet of rope to create a concealed trap that lasts for 8 hours. A creature that walks into the radius of the trap must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw, or be hoisted 3 feet in the air and restrained until the spell ends.

Level 4 - Ranger: Time for our first Ability Score Improvement! Let's put two points into Dexterity, to get it maxed out ASAP.

Level 5 - Ranger: From our subclass, we get the Extra Attack. This lets us attack twice during one Attack action.

We get another spell from our Gloom Stalker Magic table: Rope Trick uses at least 60 feet of rope to create an extradimensional space that fits up to eight Medium-sized creatures for 1 hour. Attacks and spells cannot reach the space, but anyone inside it can observe the surrounding area.

We also unlock 2nd-level spells: Pass Without Trace enhances our stealth skills for 1 hour (concentration). For the duration, each creature within 30 feet from us that we choose gets a +10 to their Stealth checks and cannot be traced via magical means.

Level 6 - Rogue: Jumping ships for the rest of the build. When multiclassing into Rogue, we gain proficiencies with light armour (got it already), thieves' tools, and we get to choose one class skill; let's get Acrobatics.

1st-level Rogues begin with Expertise. We select two skills and double our proficiency bonus (NOT modifier) for checks involving those. Stealth and Perception are the skills every RA Ranger must hone. We also learn Thieves' Cant, a system of phrases/gestures/sounds used by Rogues in their line of work. Additionally, the Sneak Attack feature gives us extra 1d6 damage to any creature we have an advantage against. We don't have to get an advantage to roll Sneak Attack if another enemy of our target is within 5 feet of it, or the target is incapacitated.

Level 7 - Rogue: At this level, we gain Cunning Action, which is a series of actions we can use as a bonus action on our turn. These include Dash, Disengage, Hide, and Aim (if you include Unearthed Arcana: Class Feature Variants).

Level 8 - Rogue: Our Sneak Attack die increases to 2d6. We also get to choose our second subclass, our Roguish Archetype. Now, there is no Ranger-like subclass for a Rogue, but I did mention that RA Rogues were basically ninjas, right? The Scout Archetype got us covered! This stealth-and-survival subclass gives us two features at the start: Skirmisher makes us very difficult to pin down, letting us move up to half of our ground speed when the enemy ends its turn within 5 feet of us, and not provoke an opportunity attack. Survivalist gives us proficiency in Nature and Survival skills. Since we already have the latter, our proficiency bonus is doubled for Survival checks.

Level 9 - Rogue: Time for another ASI. Once again, let's increase our Dexterity to get it to 20.

Level 10 - Rogue: Our Sneak Attack die once again increases, this time to 3d6. At this level, we gain Uncanny Dodge. When an attacker that we can see hits us with an attack, we can use our reaction to halve the damage.

Level 11 - Rogue: We get another Expertise option. Once again, we have a choice between two skills, or one skill and our thieves' tools. Let's go for Insight and Acrobatics.

Level 12 - Rogue: At this level, we get Evasion. This incredibly useful feature allows us to nimble our way out of some AoE effects, such as the Fireball spell. When we are forced to make a Dexterity saving throw that would result in taking half damage on a successful one, we take no damage is we pass and half damage if we fail.

Our Sneak Attack die also improves to 4d6.

Level 13 - Rogue: Another level, another ASI. This time, let's raise our Intelligence by two points, to get rid of the negative modifier.

Level 14 - Rogue: We get another subclass upgrade. Superior Mobility increases our ground speed by 10 feet.

Our Sneak Attack die becomes 5d6.

Level 15 - Rogue: Once again, we get an ASI. Let's put one point into Strength and one into Intelligence.

Level 16 - Rogue: Our skill increase with Reliable Talent. From this point onwards, we cannot roll lower than 10 when making checks for skills we are proficient in.

Our Sneak Attack die becomes 6d6.

Level 17 - Rogue: Time for the final ASI of the build, to round up the odd numbers, raise up Strength and Intelligence once again.

Level 18 - Rogue: This time, we get the final subclass upgrade of the build. Ambush Master grants us an advantage on our Initiative rolls. Additionally, the first creature we hit during our first combat round becomes easier to hit; all attacks against it are made with an advantage until the end of our next round.

Our Sneak Attack die becomes 7d6.

Level 19 - Rogue: Our senses are so sharp at this point, we don't even need sight. With Blindsense, we can detect creatures within 10 feet of us, even if they are hiding or invisible.

Level 20 - Rogue: Our capstone is Rogue 15 and the Slippery Mind feature, which grants us proficiency in Wisdom saving throws.

Finally, our Sneak Attack die becomes 8d6.

---

And that's Gilan the Ranger. Let's see what we created:

First of all, we're an absolute legend when it comes to unseen movement and sneaking around. With the Skulker feat, Expertise in Stealth, Pass Without Trace spell, and Reliable Talent we cannot roll lower than 27! We have darkvision and blindsense, which is rare for a human, and we can hide from other creatures with darkvision. We have a large repertoire of skills we're proficient with, and with a +7 to initiative, we're definitely be somewhere in the front of turn order.

Unfortunately, our sword skills are pretty neglected, even with a +7 to attack and damage rolls. Extra Attack helps out slightly, though. Our AC is 16, and we have 149 Hit Points on average. Our Intelligence and Charisma are also pretty low, so saving throws on those abilities might be tricky.

---

Anyway, that's it for Gilan. I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll see you next time... for a very... difficult build.

- Nerdy out!

[danwhobrowses]

20 AEW Dark and Elevation Regulars that AEW should sign

Now I know, AEW has a very stacked roster, in fact I've considered writing an essay on the risk of AEW's growing roster being top-heavy

I mean we've barely scraped the potential of Brian Cage, Scorpio Sky, Wardlow, Sammy Guevara, TH2, Sonny Kiss, Matt Sydal, Proud and Powerful, Nick Comoroto, Will Hobbs, Serena Deeb (who I know is injured atm), and many more. But with Rampage oncoming maybe there is room for them.

But, we'll stick a pin in that for now, because tonight is AEW's 100th Episode of Dark. A big deal still considering it's one of AEW's 2 weekly youtube wrestling shows, and one of AEW's many Youtube weekly shows if you include vlogs such as BTE, SammysVlogs, Ethan Page's vlog and the AEW-promotional Countdown to and Outside the Ring with Lexy Nair segments and the Unrestricted Podcast. In the pandemic era, Dark became a home to several indie talents in need for work, some got signed but not all, so I'm gonna list 10 men's and 10 women's wrestlers who were regulars on Dark and Elevation who AEW can and should still sign

Note: I will not be including wrestlers who look set for regularity, so Wheeler Yuta, Jora Johl, Fuego and the Wingmen won't be on the list, as will any AEW Women's tournament entrants (Maki Itoh, Madi Wrenkowski, Nicole Savoy etc.). Danny Limelight and Konosuke Takeshita are also signed to MLW and DDT Pro just fyi

10 Men AEW should sign

The men's division is already stacked, and it has a lot of up and comers too, but there are still a few areas where AEW's Dark stalwarts have proven they can fill a void for.

Honorable mentions for: JDX, El Australiano, M'Badu, Jake St. Patrick, Brick Aldridge, Megabyte Ronnie, Suge 'Pineapple Pete' D and Vary Morales. Also Kidd Bandit, but he hasn't wrestled on Dark or Elevation so I couldn't add him in.

10. Marty Casaus Better known as Marty 'the Moth' Martinez from Lucha Underground, Marty trained with AEW after some time out with injury and made some appearances on Dark. As the Moth, Marty demonstrated his character work as a gross heel, but his size was also an asset to his disturbed and near-psychotic persona.

9. Dean Alexander An alumnus of the Nightmare Factory, Alexander has frequented on Dark and Elevation usually in tag action where he hasn't been able to get his dickhead persona across. He is your traditional cocky heel which in the Nightmare Factory showcases has led to his hilarious downfalls, even losing to Negative One in his multiple failures to win in the Main Event of these showcases. Frankly, this is what Baron Corbin should be like if you're gonna mock him, he's also very impressive in the ring.

8. Dillon McQueen Another Nightmare Factory alum, Dillon McQueen has also only been used for jobbing, but his character is actually great. The King of Queens, Dillon brims charisma that would be a winner for crowds, but he has a babyface fire to him as well, easily could be a rising talent with the right training.

7. Dan Barry To be honest, I like his Hawaiian Shirts. He has a lot of experience in the indies and can work in a similar way Colt Cabana works balancing serious and comedy wrestling, would just be pretty cool to see him more.

6. & 5. TNT (Terrence and Terrell Hughes) Sons of D-Von Dudley, TNT have had less appearances on AEW as of recent, which is a shame, because they can definitely be developed as some of the next gen tag teams the Acclaimed and Blonds have been. AEW haven't shied from legacy wrestlers in the past, and the duo definitely have potential.

4. Chandler Hopkins Chandler Hopkins has shown up to be squashed by the big men a lot, but somehow he also manages to eke out some strong entertainment and fluid wrestling in it. His match against Brian Cage is an effective example of this. Like Fuego, Chandler is definitely someone you can use on the undercard for some enhancement, maybe even push up once more character comes across.

3. Ryzin Ryzin has stuck with AEW for quite a while now, even having skits on BTE. The Unholy Father however never got a W on AEW, which is a shame because he has character and promo skills in hand. He could easily be a fit for Chaos Project as well or teamed with Abandon in a James Mitchell kinda role.

2. Carlie Bravo One of the first class alums of the Nightmare Factory, Carlie Bravo remains charismatic and athletic in his showings, he even had a great little pairing with Shawn Dean until Dean's signing, I'd love to see them bring that back - two Navy veterans tearing up the tag scene would be pretty awesome.

1. Baron Black Few have stayed the course during the pandemic era like Baron Black. Debuting in April and still yet to get his first win, he was one of the three touted stars by Cody on Sammy's vlog who he encouraged to be booked around the world because of his workrate and skill. If anyone has earned it that isn't named Fuego del Sol (or that other name Cody mentioned), it's Baron Black.

10 Women AEW should sign In contrast to the men's division, AEW's women's roster does look like it could use some buffing, for midcard and even building more stars.

Honorable mentions are plenty in this one, so just missing out are the following: Ashley D'Amboise, Leila Grey, Renee Michelle, Jazmin Allure, Savannah Evans, Willow Nightingale, the Renegade Twins, Holidead, Kenzie Paige, Jennacide and Brooke Havok (who I would guess will be signed once her leg recovers).

10. Ashley Vox With or without her Sea Stars tag partner, Delmi Exo, Ashley Vox has proven herself a frequent flier for AEW. Talented in singles and tag competition. She also has a strong rapport with many of AEW's current roster.

9. Alex Gracia The Pink Dream has been on ROH as of recent but remains a freelancer, her last appearance being a squash from Dr. Britt Baker DMD. AEW must've been high on Gracia at one point because they gave her a title shot on Dynamite. With experience in Shimmer and Stardom, Gracia would definitely be a worthy addition.

8. Tesha Price Another woman who AEW put on Dynamite rare times, Tesha proved herself to play face and heel during her time on Dark and Elevation. As a heel she showed a lot of fire especially against KiLynn King and Ryo Mizunami, the Psycho Sweetheart definitely has something she can give to the division - who are tbf lacking in heels right now.

7. Vertvixen I am not sure what it is about Vertvixen specifically, but whenever I see her I think she has the look, not to mention the athleticism to boot. Her triple threat on MPW against Jennacide and Jazmin Allure was a definite highlight as of recent.

6. Miranda Alize A former Mae Young Classic competitor, like Jennacide and Gracia she's recently been used by ROH, but she is definitely a confident wrestler and does not shy from the intergender matches either, having fought Laredo Kid and Danny Limelight. She's worked with many impressive wrestlers too, including an Impact Knockouts Title match against Jordynne Grace and matches against Deonna, Taya and Tessa.

5. Reka Tehaka The Samoan Savage may've debuted on AEW's first ever house show, but regular Dark and Elevation appearances have been met with positive reactions. Being partly trained by the Nightmare Factory, Tehaka has done well to establish herself despite only wrestling for a year and a half, she could definitely be a prospect.

4. Veda Scott Okay, so I cheated a little by saying no competitors, but I could not leave out Veda on this list. She has in-ring talent and intergender experience - tagging with her Speedball husband - but on AEW Dark and the Deadly Draw she proved herself excellent on commentary. A female voice in the booth even for just the women's matches would go a long way for the division and Veda's the perfect voice for it.

3. Dani Jordyn The Mean Girl is definitely someone you can call a regular on Dark and Elevation. She works hard and works with a lot of main roster talent, and I don't think I've seen her put on a bad match. So it would be nice to reward her with a contract.

2. Diamante It still baffles me actually that Diamante has yet to become All Elite. Deadly Draw winner and involved in a lot of the Elevation/Dark women's feuds, Diamante has a wealth of knowledge and experience under her belt. She's still popular with fans and can easily step back into her LAX days by pairing with the Inner Circle. Few unsigned talent have won as much as her too, I would say it's when rather than if, but when is taking a long ass time.

1. KiLynn King The three names Cody praised highly were Fuego, Baron Black and KiLynn King, so I think above all else they should be given contracts. In fact, I was surprised King wasn't on the Dark 100 card, by virtue that although King has shown up on Dynamite a few times, she has been on Dark and Elevation 41 times since debuting in May 2020, it was a shock that someone so regular wasn't on the card. King showed she could work as the bully heel but also as a charismatic babyface, even having a little faction brewing with Swole and Red Velvet as RSK, but when crowds came back we seemed to drop the potential of AEW's first all-women faction. King is over with fans...so long as you don't put her against someone as over as Thunder Rosa, and she has put on some lowkey bangers during her time on AEW, especially the one against Riho. Tall and powerful, but fun in the ring and outside the ring with clips of her in the crowd chanting and even vibing to Angelico's music. King would definitely be on the top of my list of AEW Dark regulars that deserve a contract.

I'm sure I might've missed some and opinions may differ, but I think these lot would definitely be able to fit into AEW effortlessly thanks to their time on Dark and Elevation. Many of whom could be used to build or become future champions themselves, and I hope still to see more of them beyond Dark 100.

[shit-lets-be-dungeons]

Ever wanted to put more Wild Magic into your campaign? Do you like the idea of punching somebody and they turn into cake? Wanna mix martial arts and luck manipulation? To you then, I bring my first homebrew: The Way of the WILDSTYLE! Monks that make use of sources of Wild Magic, including an extensive Table to make things happen with your Ki Points!

I made this with the help of the Homebrewery, a browser-based program that can convert text to a document in that fancy Wizards of the Coast style! Click here to get started, or support the creator on Patreon! 

Full text of this Homebrew below the cut:

Monk: Way of the WILDSTYLE

Monks of the Way of WILDSTYLE follow a tradition that embraces madness so intimately as to make one blush.

The origins of the tradition are multifarious and mysterious. Some monks of the WILDSTYLE (sometimes called “Way of the Crazy Hands”) lay claim to the Githzerai of Limbo, who could not only resist the impact of the chaotic realm but harness it. Other monasteries of WILDSTYLE hang above reservoirs of potent, unstable magics, volatile places for all but they. Still others serve at the behest of those rare deities ascribing to the Chaotic and Neutral, such as the Seldarine deity Fenmarel Mestarine.

These monks are capricious, often with no 2 monasteries taking the same role in their society. In some places, they are the last line of defense against volatile and unpredictable threats. In others, they are ruffians and rebels, quick to dismiss authorities. There are many mysteries about these monasteries, with some going so far as to distrust and fear them. Those in the know of the WILDSTYLE know that, for good or for ill, Monks of this way always promise excitement.

And yes, "WILDSTYLE" has to be all-caps.

WILDSTYLE Surge

Starting when you choose this tradition at 3rd level, you can use your ki to impart a certain Wild power into your strikes. As an action, you can spend 1 ki point to roll for a Wild Magic Surge. As a monk of the Way of WILDSTYLE, you surge on a roll of 20, upon which you roll a d20 on the WILDSTYLE Table (see below). For effects requiring saving throws, the DC will be equal to 10 + your Wisdom modifier + the number of ki points expended (in this case, 1). At this level, you can only do this for 1 action per turn.

Chaos Tide

Once you pick this tradition at 3rd level, you gain an innate sense for the magic about you. If you are not already proficient, you gain Proficiency in the Arcana skill. You can also automatically “sense” magical effects and auras within a 60 ft radius. These areas of effect glow and ripple with light, faint or bright depending on the strength or age of the effect placed. You can even discern from the colors of the aura observed what School of magic the effect may belong to.

In addition, you gain advantage on Saves against magical effects that have been identified in this way.

Improved WILDSTYLE

At 6th level, you begin to harness the true magical potential of WILDSTYLE.

As your attacks now count as magical, when you roll for WILDSTYLE Surge, you can now add your attack bonus to the d20 roll. What’s more, you can roll on the WILDSTYLE Table upon a successful Surge for each Attack, spending at least one ki point each time. You can spend up to 3 ki points per turn in this way.

For effects requiring saving throws, the DC will be equal to 10 + your Wisdom modifier + the number of ki points expended (1-3).

Chaos Check

By 11th level, you can harness the magical underpinnings of the universe to aid you in given scenarios.

You may replace any check made since your previous turn with a “Chaos Check” roll, either as an action to replace your own roll or a reaction against (and replacing) an enemy’s roll. That Luck Check will take the raw dice roll only, no modifiers or advantages/disadvantages. However, you have to take the roll that’s given, even if lower than the initial check. What’s more, any Chaos Check roll also counts as a WILDSTYLE Surge roll.

You can perform this a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier, after which you must take a Short Rest to regain use of this.

Master WILDSTYLE

By 17th level, you’ve become well-acquainted with the power of the WILDSTYLE.

Every time you use a Ki point, that will count as a roll for a WILDSTYLE Surge. However, when you purposefully roll for a Wild Magic Surge, you may expend an additional ki point to roll with “advantage” - that is, the DM will roll twice on the WILDSTYLE Table, and ask you to pick which effect you would like to initiate.

Note they can be as vague as humanly possible with what effect exactly will happen.

Chaos Reflect

At 17th level, you can take advantage of the chaos you’ve experienced and deflect it towards enemies.

As an Bonus Action on top of an Attack, you may spend anywhere between 1 to 10 ki points and force a previously-experienced WILDSTYLE effect on that creature.

For effects requiring saving throws, the DC will be equal to 10 + your Wisdom modifier + the number of ki points expended. You will also have advantage on any effect that would include yourself.

WILDSTYLE Table

1. You turn into a potted plant upon landing your hit. You cannot move, you cannot take Actions or Bonus Actions, all attacks have advantage against you, and your HP is reduced to 8 + your Constitution modifier. If your HP is reduced to 0, you transform back, but must start making death saves. You also transform back at the end of your next turn.

2. You give 2d8 additional damage. Roll the 2nd d8 to determine the damage type - Acid, Cold, Fire, Force, Lightning, Poison, Psychic, or Thunder.

3. A Giant Frog appears in a spot within 30 feet of you. This Giant Frog is completely neutral, and does not vanish but may bound away after a while.

4. You force the enemy to make a Constitution saving throw, to avoid transmogrifying into an inanimate material. As they roll, consult one of your damage die to determine the material - Stone, Wood, Metal, Clay, Paper, Cake, Dirt, Molasses, Water, or Smoke. If the enemy fails, they become a statue of this material, effectively Paralyzed and with attacks having advantage against them. If they succeed, they instead transform into a living construct of that material - immune to Bludgeoning, Piercing, and/or Slashing damages depending on their make. This effect can be removed with Greater Restoration, or when you succeed another WILDSTYLE surge.

5. Upon a successful hit, roll another of your damage die. This die determines how many tens of feet the enemy is pushed backwards - and if they hit something before making that distance, how many d6 of Bludgeoning damage they take from the force.

6. A Weasel appears in a spot within 5 feet. This Weasel has advantage on its Initiative, as it is antagonistic towards you, and will wish to attack as soon as possible.

7. Roll a d6, and record that number. At the beginning of every subsequent turn, a d6 will be rolled. If someone rolls a d6 matching yours, you immediately swap locations and Initiatives with that person. Hopefully this won’t put anyone in harm’s way.

8. Your last hit immediately causes your enemy’s head to spin completely around 180 degrees. This does not kill them, however; instead, any movement they make will be backwards, and attacks not behind them will have disadvantage. They have to use their action to set their head back on straight.

9. You initiate a similar effect to the Sleep spell. Upon a successful hit, roll all of your hit dice. This will determine what hit-points’ worth of creatures can be put immediately to sleep within range. Instead of dealing damage, your attacks have this power until the start of an enemy’s turn.

10. Voluminous soap bubbles burst from your mouth. You are unable to speak Command Words or other words until the start of an enemy’s next turn.

11. You turn into a “Real Boy”. Any racial traits vanish, and all of your stats are assumed to have a +1 modifier. You are restored upon another successful WILDSTYLE Surge.

12. Roll a d20. On 10 or higher, any of your hits cause a harmless squeaking noise instead of dealing damage. That enemy which squeaks will be vulnerable to Bludgeoning, Slashing, or Piercing damage. On a 9 or lower, any enemy that hits you causes a harmless squeaking sound to come out of you instead of dealing damage. However, you will be vulnerable to Bludgeoning, Slashing, or Piercing damage. All effects end at the start of your next turn.

13. Your hands turn into snapping serpents. Your Unarmed Strikes now deal Piercing instead of Bludgeoning damage, with a Constitution saving throw for someone to avoid taking Poison damage (equal to 1 damage die) and being Poisoned. However, these Unarmed Strikes will be essentially Animal Handling checks, as your arms are now literally 2 snakes. Were you to cut these heads off, your own hands will reappear. This effect may also end upon another successful Wild Magic Surge.

14. On hit, with a loud “KA-CHING!” money flies out of your enemy. You can collect as much Gold as XP that enemy normally produces. However, any hit landed on you causes 1d8 Gold Piece’s worth of your own money to fly out.

15. You turn into a Yakman. You count as one size larger for the purposes of Strength checks, and your Dexterity, Strength, and Constitution stats go up by 3 (up to 20). However, your Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma go down by 3, and you have disadvantage on checks related to these. All racial Traits are disabled while being a Yakman. This effect goes away after a long, deep shave. This effect may also go away upon another successful Wild Magic Surge.

16. A number of Flumph equal to your Monk level appear within 30 feet of you, controlled by the DM. They may roll Initiative to help.

17. The next successful hit causes 2d100 beans to fly out of your opponent in a 30-foot radius. Everyone in that 30-foot radius must make an Intelligence saving throw, or they will be compelled to begin counting the beans. An affected creature may use their Action to count beans, at a rate of 180 BPM (Beans Per Minute), or they may attempt the Intelligence save again. They may also opt to retain their major Action, and use their Bonus Action to count beans, at a rate of 90 BPM; this may prolong the effect depending on how many beans have been produced. An individual with Stillness of Mind may use this to end the effect. The effect ends once all the beans are counted.

18. You suddenly become aware of a sizable, expectant audience that’s watching your every move. All of your attacks are now based on Performance, with Inspiration granted if you put on a good show. However, at least your first turn would be at disadvantage, given the stage fright. To stop this effect, roll a successful Wisdom saving throw to ignore the crowd. If you have Stillness of Mind, you may also use that to end this effect.

19. A Tyrannosaurus Rex appears within 120 feet of you, controlled by the DM. Good luck.

20. All of your Ki Points are restored, and you get to roll for another WILDSTYLE Surge.

[justicegundam82]

3.5 to PF1e Conversion: Beholderkin, Spectator

Here I am with a new conversion... and this time, I'm about to tackle the Beholderkin from the 3.5 book Lords Of Madness. Of course, I'm going to take some liberties and try to put my own spin on them, but overall, I'll try to keep these conversions as campaign-neutral as possible. Clearly, you guys are free to adapt the lore to your own game world.

The Creature Codex and the Creature Chronicle have already written up two great PF1e conversions of the Beholder here and here. I'd really reccomend you check them out!

With that out of the way, here I give you the first of my Beholderkin conversions - the Spectator.

BEHOLDERKIN, SPECTATOR

Image (c) Wizards Of The Coast, from Lords of Madness, author J. Nelson

This spherical creature’s leathery body is crowned with four slender eyestalks, each terminating in a small lidless eye. A fifth eye, much larger than these, is located on the front of the sphere, above a toothy maw.

SPECTATOR               CR 5

XP 1’600

LN Medium Aberration (beholderkin, extraplanar) 

Init +8; Senses all-around vision, darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +18

DEFENSE

AC 18, touch 15, flat-footed 13 (+4 Dex, +1 dodge, +3 natural)

hp 51 (6d8+24), planar fast healing 2

Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +6

OFFENSE

Speed 5 ft., fly 30 ft. (good)

Melee bite +9 (1d8+1)

Ranged eye ray +9 touch (see below)

Special Attacks eye rays, spell turning

Spell-like Abilities (CL 7th, concentration +9)

     3/day - create food and water

     1/day - plane shift (self only)

STATISTICS

Str 13, Dex 18, Con 18, Int 15, Wis 12, Cha 15

Base Atk +5; CMB +6; CMD 20

Feats Alertness (B), Dodge, Flyby Attack, Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse

Skills Diplomacy +8, Fly +14, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (planes) +12, Perception +18, Sense Motive +14, Stealth +10, Survival +10; Racial Modifiers +4 Perception

Languages Common, Beholder; telepathy (see below).

Special Qualities beholderkin traits, guardian creature, naturally buoyant

ECOLOGY

Environment any (Axis)

Organization solitary, pair or cluster (3-6)

Treasure standard

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Beholderkin Traits (Ex/Su) Spectators are beholderkin, creatures that are distantly related to true beholders. Beholderkin have a very wide range of appearances and abilities. Not all share the xenophobia of true beholders, though most are still evil and cruel in nature.

Creatures of the beholderkin subtype share the following traits:

All-around Vision (Ex): A beholderkin sees in all directions at once and cannot be flanked.

Eye Rays (Su): All beholderkin can manifest dangerous magical effects by firing a beam from its smaller eyes. See individual beholderkin’s description for details.

Eye Rays (Su) A spectator can fire one eye ray as a standard action each round. Treat these as ranged touch attacks with a range of 60 feet and no range increment. A spectator cannot choose to use the same eye ray two rounds in a row. A creature struck must make a saving throw (DC 15) or be affected as by a spell at CL 7th, except that it only effects the target struck. The save DC is Charisma based.

- Fatigue: The target must make a Fortitude save or become fatigued. A fatigued creature that fails to save against this effect becomes exhausted.

- Inflict Moderate Wounds: This ray works like the spell, causing 2d8+7 points of damage (Will half).

- Hold Monster: The target must succeed on a Will save or be affected as though by the spell.

- Telepathy: A spectator can communicate telepathically with its target for the round. As a free action, a spectator can make a suggestion (as the spell; Will negates) to the creature it is currently telepathically speaking to.

Guardian Creature (Ex) A spectator beholderkin counts as an outsider for the purposes of summoning spells such as planar ally or planar binding.

Naturally Buoyant (Ex) A spectator's body is naturally buoyant. This buoyancy allows it to fly at a speed of 30 ft. with good maneuvrability and grants it a permanent feather fall effect (as the spell) with personal range.

Planar Fast Healing (Ex) A spectator beholderkin's fast healing only functions when the creature is on its native plane of Axis.

Spell Turning (Su) A spectator's central eye produces a 90-foot cone. Once per round, the spectator can attempt to turn back upon the caster a single spell or spell-like ability targeting it. In order to turn back a spell, the spectator must succeed at a concentration check with a DC equal to 15 + the caster level of the original caster. If this check is successful, the original caster suffers the effects of the spell as if it had been casted by the spectator itself. Only single-target spells that explicity target the spectator may be reflected this way, and only one each round. Area effect spells may not be reflected.

Spectators are extraplanar beholderkin native to the plane of Axis, and are known to be among the most reasonable and moderate of the beholderkin. They are often summoned to the Material Plane by arcanists who need a reliable guardian that does not require a great deal of resources to protect a valuable object or place, though they are not enthusiastic of working for humanoids or other creatures of the Material Plane. However, they possess a sense of duty and a loyalty to their summoner that is unusual amongst beholderkin, and they pride themselves on their guardianship abilities.

A spectator's bizzarre behavior manifests in two different personalities that share the same consciousness. Under normal circumstances, a spectator tends to be open, if cautious, and willing to chat with those it comes across. However, they can slip into a more introverted state of mind, where they spend a long time, possibly even decades, pondering philosophical questions and contemplating mysteries. A spectator that is left in isolation for a long time guarding a charge may develop some unexpected quirk - such as talking about itself in third person, or change their voice to resemble that of its summoner.

Unusually pacifistic for beholderkin standards, spectators only fight to protect their charges or their own lives. Unless guarding something, they tend to avoid combat by flying away or using plane shift to return to Axis. If protecting an item, or if fighting becomes necessary, a spectator will typically start by using its fatigue and telepathy eye rays to incapacitate its opponents, usually throwing in a suggestion in order to convince the opponent to leave it alone. Only in the face of stubborn intruders will the spectator resort to lethal force, paralyzing its enemies and blasting them with negative energy. They will try to keep obvious spellcasters within the reflective cone from their central eye.

A spectator is about 3 feet wide and weighs about 250 pounds.

[thecreaturecodex]

Slaad, Yellow

Image © @tredlocity​

[Since slaadi are tied to disease through their reproduction, I’ve always thought that a specifically disease-themed slaad was a good idea. The first version of the yellow slaad was a CR 15, and was clad in full plate. This is because it was a ripoff of the version of Nergal that appeared in the 3pp Book of Fiends. I’ve minimized the similarities in my current take on it, as well as removing references in the flavor text to Pandemonium. That’s not a plane that exists in PFRPG.

Also, that first version was written almost 17 years ago. I feel old.]

Slaad, Yellow CR 9 CN Aberration This foul creature might have once resembled a swollen, nearly spherical humanoid toad, but many of its features are concealed by massive warts and boils growing along flaps and folds of skin. It is sickly yellow in color, and its eyes are permanently sealed by cyst-like growths. A third arm grows from its back between its shoulders, reaching awkwardly around the thing’s body

Yellow slaadi are perhaps the most physically grotesque of their kind. They form from an accident of the slaad life cycle—if a green slaad is infected with the chaos phage spread by a blue or brown slaad, it metamorphoses into a yellow slaad if unable to cure itself in time. Yellow slaadi are slow and blind due to their deformities, but make up for this with a supernatural mastery of disease. Some scholars view the yellow slaad’s personality as being composed of its diseases, and the physical body is merely a host. Indeed, yellow slaadi created from the same source often display characteristic personality tics not found in other, less “related” members of the species.

In combat, a yellow slaad typically stays put and lets enemies come to it. Their stink is a weapon in and of itself, and yellow slaadi target sickened foes above those unaffected by their stench. A yellow slaad’s primary goal when it fights is usually to infect as many creatures with its diseases as possible—chaos phage if it is seeking to reproduce, and other magical ailments if it merely wants to propagate sickness for its own sake. They can issue telepathic commands to creatures suffering from a disease, and may periodically visit a creature it has infected in order to direct its behavior over a longer duration.

A yellow slaad typically has a patient and steady-tempered outlook, especially in comparison to other slaadi. After all, a disease needs time to properly spread throughout the body and reach its fullness. They do not move quickly, relying on dimension door if it needs to reach a destination with haste. Brown slaadi view yellow slaadi as powerful, near holy, figures and often flock to them. On the other hand, most other slaadi view their yellow cousins as abominations, albeit dangerous ones. Gray slaadi may approach adventurers in disguise to hire them to slay a marauding yellow slaad, in order for their own expeditions to succeed later in that territory.

A yellow slaad is roughly spherical and has a diameter around six feet. Even the lightest of them weigh about three tons.

Yellow Slaad       CR 9 XP 6,400 CN Large aberration (chaos, extraplanar, slaad) Init +3; Senses blind, blindsight 60 ft., Perception +14 Aura stench (30 ft., Fort DC 21, sickened 1 minute) Defense AC 21, touch 8, flat-footed 21 (-1 size, -1 Dex, +13 natural) hp 115 (10d8+70); fast healing 5 Fort +11, Ref +2, Will +8 Immune disease, gaze attacks, nauseated and sickened conditions, visual spells and effects; Resist acid 10, cold 10, electricity 10, fire 10; SR 20 Defensive Abilities stability Offense Speed 20 ft. Melee bite +12 (2d6+6 plus disease), 3 slams +12 (1d4+6) Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft (10 ft. with bite) Special Attacks acidic phlegm, command the sick Spell-like Abilities CL 10th, concentration +13 (+17 casting defensively) At will—diagnose disease, dimension door, protection from law (DC 14), ray of enfeeblement (DC 15), spectral hand 3/day—contagion (DC 17), eldritch fever (DC 16), stinking cloud (DC 16), telekinesis (DC 18), touch of slime (DC 17) 1/day—dispel law (DC 18), plague storm (DC 19), scrying (DC 17) Statistics Str 22, Dex 9, Con 22, Int 14, Wis 13, Cha 17 Base Atk +7; CMB +14; CMD 23 (27 vs. forced movement) Feats Combat Casting, Improved Initiative, Lunge, Toughness, Vital Strike Skills Heal +11, Intimidate +16, Knowledge (arcana) +15, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +12, Perception +14, Survival +14 Languages Common, Slaad, telepathy 60 ft. Ecology Environment any land or underground (Maelstrom) Organization solitary, pair or ward (1-2 plus 2-12 brown slaadi) Treasure standard Special Abilities Acidic Phlegm (Ex) As a standard action, a yellow slaad can vomit a bolus of phlegm at a range of 60 feet, which explodes in a 10 foot radius burst. All creatures in the area take 9d6 points of acid damage and are entangled for 1d4 rounds. A successful DC 21 Reflex save halves the damage and negates the entangled condition. Any creature that takes damage from this ability is exposed to the yellow slaad’s disease. A yellow slaad may use this ability at will, but must wait 1d4 rounds between uses. The save DC is Constitution based. Command the Sick (Su) As a standard action at will, a yellow slaad may telepathically issue a command to any creature currently suffering from a disease. Creatures infected with a disease in its incubation period are immune to this effect. Treat this as a suggestion spell (CL 10th, Will DC 18), except that the yellow slaad does not need to share a language with the target. A creature may be subject to only one suggestion implanted by command the sick at a time. The save DC is Charisma based. Disease (Su) Xanthic chaos phage; bite or acidic phlegm—injury; save Fort DC 21; onset immediate; frequency 1/day; effect 1d6 Con damage and 1d6 Cha damage; cure 2 consecutive saves. A creature that is reduced to 0 Con or Cha by chaos phage is immediately transformed into a brown slaad. This transformation can only be reversed by a miracle or wish. A slaad instead transforms into a yellow slaad. The save DC is Constitution based. Stability (Ex) A yellow slaad gains a +4 to its CMD against any combat maneuver that would move it from its current position, such as a bull rush, overrun or reposition. It loses this bonus if it is not in contact with the ground.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Soraka the Starchild build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

That feel when I put off making this build for so long that I can now remove my warning for this build using Theros content.

Soraka is a very obvious choice for a Theros character. Along with being a Satyr (by the way Soraka’s a Satyr she has goat hooves so of course she’s going to be a Satyr) she has a clear divine connection with Mount Targon. So she’s a great pick if you want a healer in Theros, or a healer in general!

GOALS

To heal and protect - Soraka is the first character people think of when they want a support in League. She heals so much it hurts her!

Violence cannot go unanswered - That doesn’t mean Soraka can’t do damage, calling down the wrath of the heavens to harm enemies and heal herself.

Have hope! - Soraka isn’t just a good healer because of big numbers. She’s also a good healer because she’ll rush to your aid if you’re in danger!

RACE

Along with being a Satyr (by the way Soraka’s a Satyr she has goat hooves so of course she’s going to be a Satyr)

Soraka’s a Satyr she has goat hooves she’s a Satyr. As a Satyr your Charisma increases by 2 and your Dexterity increases by 1. You count as a Fey rather than humanoid, and henceforth have Magic Resistance for Advantage against all magical effects.

You can Ram enemies to do 1d4 + your Strength modifier as an unarmed strike, and have Mirthful Leaps to add a d8 to any jump you make. You are a Reveler with proficiency in Persuasion and Performance, as well as a musical instrument of your choice. (Divine Soraka’s artwork shows her playing the Flute so choose that.) And finally you can speak Common and Sylvan, and have a walking speed of 35 feet, which I mention because it’s more than average!

ABILITY SCORES

15; WISDOM - All the compassion abilities are tied to Wisdom, and you have to be pretty damn compassionate to main Soraka.

14; CHARISMA - With a base model like that you’re still one of the most popular champs in the game. That takes some form of Charisma.

13; DEXTERITY - With the +1 from our race it gives us enough to dodge a few hits. And by “dodge a few hits” I mean wear Medium armor.

12; INTELLIGENCE - As a child of divine power and an enchanter you’re bound to know a thing or two about Religion or Arcana. (Feel free to swap this with Constitution if you want more health but worse skill checks)

10; CONSTITUTION - You’re an enchanter support. Squishy.

8; STRENGTH - You’re an AP support, not an ADC.

BACKGROUND

I actually had to read Soraka’s lore; end me. Do you know how many times this shit was revised? Didn’t Soraka have a rivalry with Warwick at one point? Regardless based on her lore Soraka was... literally formed from the stars? Fuck me... Well Hermit gives us Religion and Medicine proficiency so that’s good enough for me. Your background feature “Discovery” essentially says “the DM gives you plot spoilers.” Maybe you learnt that you were a child of the stars? Maybe you saw the coming of an army and a great war? Maybe you won’t be playing a campaign in Runeterra?

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1

“Oh Soraka’s a healer so she must be a Cleric I bet she’s going to be a Life Cleric!” Nope! Wrong!

SORCERER 1

Soraka was born from a star which means her healing power is innate, henceforth meaning that she’s a Sorcerer! Her subclass is pretty obvious too but let’s get her proficencies sorted out first: choose Arcana for knowledge of magic that may cause harm, and Insight for knowledge of people who may cause harm.

For your subclass: want to heal as a Sorcerer? Divine Soul! Divine Soul Sorcerers have Divine Magic, giving them access to the entire Cleric spell list along with the Sorcerer spell list! Additionally they get another spell tied to their alignment and naturally Soraka is a holy good girl of goodness so you’ll learn the Cure Wounds spell to... cure wounds. Divine Soul Sorcerers are also Favored by the Gods, letting them add 2d4 to a failed saving throw or attack roll once per short rest.

But now for spells! Along with Cure Wounds you can learn 4 cantrips and 2 leveled spells from the Sorcerer list or the Cleric list. To guide your allies the Guidance cantrip is a good choice, letting them add a d4 to an ability check. And to guide them through the darkness Dancing Lights will let them see what’s ahead. For some generic magical effects Prestidigitation is good to help in small ways, and to sling a banana to inflict Grievous Wounds grab Chill Touch, because sometimes you need to harm to heal. For leveled spells Healing Word will let you heal at a distance and not get in harm’s way yourself, and Sleep will let you end a fight without bloodshed.

LEVEL 2 - CLERIC 1

“Oh well Cleric at level 2 is clearly done so you can get Life Cleric for increased healing!” Nope wrong again! While Soraka heals a lot her heals aren’t really empowered; they’re just really big. But you know who Soraka does heal a lot? Those who are injured. Time for Grave Domain baby!

Grave Clerics are in the Circle of Mortality, letting them heal for the maximum amount on any target who is at 0 hitpoints. Additionally they get the Spare the Dying cantrip with a casting range of 30 feet, and can cast it as a bonus action! Grave Clerics can also detect those who insult life’s natural circle, and can use Eyes of the Grave to detect any undead within 60 feet that aren’t behind full cover or protected from divination magic. You can use Eyes of the Grave a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier, and regain all expended uses on a Long Rest.

But let’s talk spells, because woo boy you’re going to get a lot of them with this build: as a Cleric you can learn three cantrips from the Cleric list. Sacred Flame is another way to deal damage which we didn’t take as a Sorcerer, and Word of Radiance is a way to keep yourself safe if surrounded. Finally Thaumaturgy will let you perform some divine acts that are a little more intimidating than Prestidigitation.

You can prepare a number of Cleric spells equal to your Wisdom modifier (2) plus your Cleric level (1 - so a maximum of 3.) As a Grave Cleric you always have Bane and False Life prepared, to keep your enemies at bay and keep yourself from being harmed. To further protect your allies grab both Shield of Faith and Protection from Evil and Good, and to illuminate your foes in an Equinox grab Guiding Bolt. It’s worth mentioning that Clerics are prepared spellcasters because Sorcerers are not, so any Cleric spells we grab as Sorcerer are “essential” while the ones we grab as Cleric are more “optional” and can be swapped out as you see fit.

LEVEL 3 - CLERIC 2

Second level Clerics get access to Channel Divinity: all Clerics can Turn Undead, forcing all undead within 30 feet to make a Wisdom save or run away from you. Additionally Grave Clerics can further set up with Equinox thanks to Channel Divinity: Path to the Grave, allowing you to curse an enemy and make it vulnerable to the next attack that hits it. Root your foes to set up for some potent skill shots! Regardless of what Channel Divinity you use you gain the ability back on a short rest.

You can also prepare another spell like Bless, letting your allies add a d4 to attack rolls and saving throws.

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Lol what’s second level spells? Second level Sorcerers get Font of Magic, giving them Sorcery Points equal to their level in Sorcerer. You can convert sorcery points into spell slots, and thanks to the Class Feature Variants UA you have a few other options: Empowering Reserves lets you spend 2 Sorcery points to gain advantage on a skill check, Imbuing Touch lets you spend 2 Sorcery points to make a weapon magical for the sake of overcoming magic resistance, and Sorcerous Fortitude lets you convert Sorcery points into d4s which you can roll to grant yourself temporary hitpoints. None of these are really in flavor for Soraka except maybe Empowering Reserves, but it’s still nice to have the option if your DM allows UA.

You can also learn another spell and to keep you safe from those who’d wish to abuse your power (and try on new skins) grab Disguise Self, letting you alter the appearance of yourself and your clothes! No what do you mean we have too many first level spells?

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers get Metamagic to alter their spells with their Sorcery points. To keep enemies at bay grab Hightened Spell and spend 3 Sorcery points to give enemies disadvantage on their first saving throw against your spells. If you want to cast from bush and not draw attention to yourself then Subtle Spell will let you spend 1 Sorcery point to ignore any verbal or somatic components of a spell, so that you can cast without a sound and without drawing attention to yourself.

And hey look at that: actual second level spells! You know me: when given the chance Misty Step to Flash is always going to be my spell of choice.

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

At 4th level you get your first Ability Score Improvement, but we’re actually going to be a good support and ward with the Observant feat. Along with a plus 1 to your Wisdom you also get a +5 bonus to your passive Perception and Investigation by watching the minimap, and you can read people’s lips to make sure they aren’t complaining about how you’re a shit support. What no I’m not projecting.

Also yeah with an increase to your Wisdom modifier you can prepare another Cleric spell.

You can also learn another spell and another cantrip! Minor Illusion will let you make a small image you can use to deceive enemies; maybe it’s a scarecrow? For your leveled spell you have a silence in your kit so grab Silence to silence enemies. Silently.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers can grab third level spells: to protect yourself and your allies with a Banshee’s Veil grab Counterspell, blocking incoming magic and keeping yourself safe!

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

6th level Divine Soul Sorcerers get Empowered Healing, allowing them to empower... their healing. Whenever you or an ally within 5 feet of you rolls dice to heal you can spend 1 sorcery point to reroll any number of those dice once. Soraka’s healing isn’t strong because it’s high but because its consistently high.

Speaking of healing Life Transference will let you give your life to others. You hurt yourself for 4d8 necrotic and then heal that much to the target you choose. I should also mention that technically speaking you can cheese this spell with Empowered Healing: since only the healing is affected if you roll all 1s against yourself you can then Empower the heal and get more value out of your self harm! ...That sounds really weird when you say it out loud!

LEVEL 9 - SORCERER 7

7th level Sorcerers can learn 4th level spells but I’m actually going to suggest quickly hopping back to third level for Fly. Why? Because it’s Fly, and because Star Guardian Soraka can fly. Also because it’s Fly why do I have to justify this?!

LEVEL 10 - SORCERER 8

8th level Sorcerers get another Ability Score Improvement: seeing as most of investment so far has been in the Sorcerer class get more Charisma for better Sorcery.

You can also learn another spell but again we’ll be hopping down a few levels for Hold Person for a Root with Equinox.

LEVEL 11 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means it’s finally time for Starcall! Enervation is a ranged attack that heals you: the targeted creature must make a Dexterity saving throw or take 4d8 Necrotic damage. On each of your following turns you can continue doing 4d8 to that target without them being able to make a saving throw! If they succeed their save when you target them you only do 2d8 damage, but regardless of if they save or fail you will be healed for half the damage you deal to them!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 12 - CLERIC 3

Third level Clerics can prepare second level spells. Grave Clerics have Gentle Repose and Ray of Enfeeblement innately prepared, keeping foes from harming your allies and keeping your allies that were harmed... fresh for respawn. Lesser Restoration will let you remove some minor CCs with a crucible, and Zone of Truth will let you figure out who blinded, deafened, paralyzed, or poisoned your friends.

LEVEL 13 - CLERIC 4

4th level Clerics get an Ability Score Improvement: now that we’re taking Cleric levels increase your Wisdom for better Cleric spells.

A Wisdom increase means two more prepared spells, along with the new Cleric cantrip you can learn! We may as well grab Mending because you hardly need more offensive cantrips. For prepared spells you can lend Aid to your allies to increase their max HP (and use some of those higher level slots you don’t have spells for.) We’ll hold off on preping anything else until...

LEVEL 14 - CLERIC 5

5th level Clerics Destroy Undead of CR 1/2 or lower that fail their saving throw against Channel Divinity: Turn Undead. Of course it’s unlikely you’ll be fighting CR 1/2 enemies at level 14 but...

5th level Clerics can also prepare third level spells! As a Grave Cleric you will have both Revivify and Vampiric Touch innately prepared, for more healing from harm and a way to bring your allies back from literal death. To further keep your allies from dying Beacon of Hope will maximize incoming healing in the area while also giving allies advantage on Wisdom saves and Death saves. For a close-range Wish (the League of Legends ultimate, not the D&D spell) Mass Healing Word will let you heal 6 creatures within 60 feet as a bonus action.

LEVEL 15 - CLERIC 6

6th level Clerics get a second use of Channel Divinity per short rest, but more importantly as a Grave Cleric you’re a Sentinel at Death’s Door, letting you negate critical hits on allies within 30 feet! You can use this reaction a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier and regain all expended uses on a long rest.

You can also prepare another spell and to further aid against crowd control Remove Curse will let you... remove a curse affecting a target.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 16 - CLERIC 7

7th level Clerics can prepare 4th level spells. Grave Clerics will always have Blight and Death Ward prepared. How Blight falls into your mantra of not doing harm I don’t know, but keeping from falling off the brink of death is always useful! Speaking of useful: knocking an enemy out of the fight harmlessly with Banishment can allow your allies to focus on more dangerous threats.

LEVEL 17 - CLERIC 8

8th level Grave Clerics get Potent Spellcasting, letting them add their Wisdom modifier to the damage of their Cleric cantrips. Naturally since your cantrips are going to be increased with Wisdom I’d suggest increasing your Wisdom with the Ability Score Improvement you just got!

With our final increase to Wisdom you can prepare two more spells and we’re actually going to be hopping back a few levels, first for Daylight from third level to banish the fog of war, and then all the way back to first level for Detect Evil and Good, so you will know who has evil in their hearts.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 10

10th level Clerics get another Metamagic, but none of these are really that impressive so you may as well grab Empowered Spell to keep your enemies from ever damaging your allies in the first place.

You can also learn another spell and to root more powerful beasts grab Hold Monster, which is like Hold Person but it works on monsters! And you learn another cantrip like Resistance, letting your chosen ally add a d4 to a saving throw, so you can support them without using any resources.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 11

11th level Sorcerers can learn 6th level spells and of course we’ll be going all out for the most reliable Heal in the game. A creature in 60 feet is instantly healed for 70 health and cured of any blindness or deafness.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 12

12th level Sorcerers get our final Ability Score Improvement, so cap off your Charisma modifier to have the strongest spells from two spell schools.

What? Did you think that you’d get another spell to learn? Lol nope screw you Sorcerers only get a spell every other level past level 10 because I don’t know. Feel free to replace one of your older Sorcerer spells with a 6th level spell if you wish, because you’ve certainly got the slots to do it.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

I lend my aid - You’d never guess that the character built specifically to heal would be good at healing, with tons of supportive spells to keep your allies alive and your foes at bay.

What must be done - You also do quite a lot of damage with powerful spells like Vampiric Touch, Blight, and Enervation, not to mention an insane array of cantrips and your Channel Divinity empowering the attacks from allies.

Where am I needed? - Even out of combat you are constantly helping the party with an ungodly amount of cantrips and insane utility with both Charisma and Wisdom skills.

CONS

Be at peace - Sorcerer levels plus no Constitution modifier equals less than 100 max health on average! Your foes don’t even need to hit you: just hit the Power Word Kill button and you’re down for the count! Not to mention that your AC and saving throws are incredibly subpar, even if being a Satyr helps against magic.

Never waste a breath - The vast majority of your damaging spells are Necrotic, so while you may be intended to be the healer of the group you might struggle to do much else against foes that resist necrotic damage.

This is my path - There’s such a thing as too much Cleric. Doing a near-perfect 50/50 split between two spellcasters means that while your slots go up to 9th level the actual spells you know only go up to 6th. And you don’t even get Wish; that’s literally the name of your ultimate! What’s more is that Divine Soul Sorcerer really doesn’t help us much with the only use you get out of the class being Empowered Healing. Sure 2 more levels in Sorcerer would give you wings but then you lose out on Potent Spellcasting and an ASI.

But your job was to heal and protect which is a job you do well. Any brute can save the day by crushing the head of the bad guy, but saving the world through compassion is a tough task. But keep a level head, support your team, and be ready to mute everyone if it becomes too much to handle. You’re just a Deathcap away from becoming the very thing you swore to destroy.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Hol Horse

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

So last year I thought it was a good idea to try and review all of the enemy Stand users in Stardust Crusaders in a totally random order. The results were… mixed. Some of them I think came out okay, but others? Not so much. One of them was just an entire backhanded attack against some guy who decided to say “No one likes your analyses” because I think ProJared was a creep. It was, quite frankly, a mess, and I never bothered to revisit it and never thought I would, even though I still hadn’t covered the glorious, wonderful human being who is Hol Horse.

Well, now, after playing Heritage for the Future and All-Star Battle as well as just becoming a bit more knowledgeable on JJBA, I’ve decided to not only give Hol Horse his dues, but also at least briefly go back over or cover the other Stand users and give them a rating or an updated rating, as the case may be. So buckle in, this is gonna be a long one, and it’s all gonna start with everyone’s favorite incompetent henchman.

Hol Horse is probably one of the most amazing characters Araki has ever created. Hol Horse is in possession of a powerful Stand, The Emperor, which is literally a magical gun that fires bullets he can control the trajectory of. By all accounts, Hol Horse should be the single most dangerous foe that the Crusaders face, more than even Vanilla Ice. This guy should be able to shoot them all dead without a second thought! There’s just one tiny little caveat:

Hol Horse is a fucking moron.

This man is cowardly, incompetent, and just the punching bag of cruel misfortune as all his plans constantly go awry and he is constantly knocked on his ass. And yet, Hol Horse is still the most beloved enemy Stand User of Stardust Crusaders, and it’s not hard to see why. Because despite all of his bumbling, Hol Horse just oozes a sort of cool you just don’t see every day.

(For best results, listen to this the whole time while reading the following).

Motivation/Goals: Hol Horse is one of the few henchmen of DIO who is motivated purely by his own greed… at least, at first. Eventually he has his ass handed to him one too many times, and he decides to try and assassinate DIO. This goes about as well as you’d expect, and Hol Horse – not just part of it, the ENTIRE Horse – is so scared out of his mind that he decides, yep, loyalty to DIO is the way to go! It doesn’t work out, but hey, he tried, right?

Performance: Imami Williams gives Hol Horse that raspy, American charm he needs in the anime adaptation. With his voice and the animation combined, we get to see our favorite smarmy sharpshooter who can’t shoot for shit shoot his shot and miss every time, and it is simply glorious.

Final Fate: Hol Horse kidnaps Boingo and forces him to work with him to finally get his revenge! With the prophetic skills of Thoth and the raw damage that can be done with Emperor, there’s no way they could lose! And yet, as is always the case with Thoth, things go horrendously awry and Hol Horse, despite having the ability to control the trajectory of his bullets, ends up shooting himself and knocking him out of part 3 for good.

Best Scene: Really, just the entirety of the episodes where he teams up with Boingo, especially when he tries holding up Polnareff. Considering what comes after and what came before it, it’s just the dose of lighthearted fun needed before you watch all of your favorite characters get brutally murdered by DIO and Vanilla Ice,. 

Best Quote: There is only one line it could be, and it’s Hol Horse’s response to Thoth’s suggestion he kick a woman in the neck: “Listen, Boingo... I am the nicest man in the world. I have girlfriends everywhere. I might lie to a woman, but I'll never hit them! It doesn't matter how ugly they are! Because I respect women!”

That’s right, everyone. Hol Horse drinks Respect Women Juice.

Final Thoughts & Score: Hol Horse is simply astounding. The character is such a colossal screwup that he shouldn’t be as good as he is… yet he is. The dude is gifted with the most incredible power imaginable, and yet somehow he is never able to do a goddamn thing with that power! You control where the bullets go, dude! How can you not hit anything?! It’s interesting how his cowardice and lack of motivation makes him a perfect representation of the inverted Emperor tarot card, but hey, tarot motifs are par for the course with the Stand users.

But there’s something charming to how pathetic Hol Horse is. He’s always plying second banana, he’s a dirty coward who turns tail and runs when things aren’t looking good for him, he never wins a single battle, he didn’t even kill the one guy it seemed like he killed… but throughout it all he still has this sort of smarmy charisma to him that makes him impossible to hate. It’s no wonder this guy has girls all over the world, because he is a world-class charmer. There’s also how Hol Horse is just a character who really, really lives by his own personal philosophy – that is to say, he always likes to be #2, never going into a fight without backup. It’s kind of refreshing to see him always stick by this, even to his own detriment; it’s hard to hate a man who’s principled to that degree. And, of course, this man respects women. Good on him.

It helps that Hol Horse’s inexplicable popularity has led to him getting his time to shine in outside media. Heritage for the Future has two versions of him, his regular form and one that partners him with Boingo, and in skilled hands his Emperor finally gets to live up to its deadly potential. And he’s no slouch in his return appearance in All-Star Battle, and what’s more impressive is in that game he is part of the base roster while Joseph and Iggy, two of the main heroes, are relegated to DLC! You heard me right: the bumbling cowboy who did not win a single fight or even come close to it and spent a lot of time shooting himself managed to beat out out two iconic heroes from the same part onto the roster! Horsey Man must be doing something right.

As this video shows, Hol Horse is one of the most influential characters in the JJBA franchise, having helped to shape the franchise going forward and helped to inspire the traits that made beloved characters like Guido Mista, Gyro Zeppeli, and Yoshikage Kira as legendary as they are. Hell, Hol Horse is just so awesome he almost got to be a protagonist, but Araki decided that Horsey was too similar to my favorite big-titty Frenchman, Polnareff. This means Hol Horse never got his time to shine as a hero, and so stayed a villain til the end… but hey, can he really be that sad if he gets a 10/10 on Psycho Analysis?

Actually, maybe he wouldn’t like that. He likes to play second fiddle to others, after all. But I guess that’s just the curse with these JoJo villains who want to not stand out; they always end up being the best and most memorable characters.

Anyway, now that we’ve got the best of the best out of the way, it’s time for...

Psycho Analysis: DIO’s Other Henchmen

I’m just gonna give my brief thoughts on these guys. Most of them are pretty one-note oneshots, but there are a few who rise above that and manage to be something else entirely. These guys were a learning experience for Araki, and his enemy Stand users of the week definitely improved with later parts, with Vento Aureo really cranking it up to 11. 

But for now, we’re stuck with these guys.

Gray Fly: I actually stand by my opinion from my original review of him; he’s nothing incredibly memorable, but he’s a solid start to the adventure and he is directly responsible for diverting the journey onto the course it ended up going on. Without him, things would have likely played out far differently. A 5/10 is still a good score for him.

Fake Captain Tenille: He actually gets bumped down to a 2/10, due to my changes in how things are scored. He’s not amusing enough to be in the “So bad it’s good” category of the other 3s, he’s just really lame and forgettable, and he still somehow manages to lose when he has the advantage. What a dweeb.

Forever: If you think the monkey boat fight is dropping in score, you’re mistaken. Forever remains at an 8/10 for being such a delightfully weird curveball that helps set the tone for the franchise to follow.

Devo: One of the weirder playable character choices from Heritage for the Future, and certainly not one I like too much; he’s also a random event that is pretty useful in All-Star Battle’s online campaign, so that’s a good mark for him. If nothing else, he gave a good showing of Polnareff’s skills when under pressure, so… yeah. I think a 5/10 is good enough.

Rubber Soul: This review I regret because I was backhandedly responding to that guy who weirdly decided to bring up my distaste for ProJared in a review of Arabia Fats and Kenny G. I do mostly stand by what I said; Rubber Soul is one of the more amusing minor foes, if only because of his ridiculous performance as Kakyoin. Still, it really sucks he was just a clone character in Heritage for the Future… put he gets points for  having the iconic cherry-licking as a taunt. 6/10 is where he remains.

J. Geil: Again, my opinion hasn’t changed: J. Geil is a mountain of wasted potential, but at the very least he makes for a good antagonist for his brief appearance and hey, he’s the one who helped bring us the beautiful hunk of man that is Hol Horse, so I’d feel bad giving him less than a 7/10.

Nena: I honestly think Nena is one of the most boring Stand users of the part, which is sad because her episode gives Joseph the spotlight. She’s just really gross and uninteresting, and you’ll likely forget her after her episode is over. 2/10.

ZZ: ZZ is not particularly great, and his design is just there to be a joke, but it’s hard to totally hate a guy who manages to roll references to Christine, Duel, and the album cover for Eliminator by his namesake into one. I think he’s more of a 4/10, but probably on the higher end there. He’s not great, but he has enough going for him to keep me from hating him.

Enya: So if I thought that J. Geil was a waste of potential, I feel this even more so for his mother Enya. Despite being hyped up as this big, intimidating right-hand woman to DIO early on, she gets one appearance where her Stand is defeated by Star Platinum pulling a power out his ass and then is unceremoniously killed by Steely Dan of all people. I will give her this: her interactions with Polnareff are absolutely hilarious. But when all you have going for is some jokes, don’t be surprised when you end up with a 6/10, which you’re pretty much only getting because even despite the mountains of wasted potential you’re really not that bad.

She do be looking hot in the OVA tho.

Steely Dan: My opinion is unchanged; he’s a solid 7/10 oneshot douchebag. Nothing more, nothing less. His level in the PS1 game seriously blows, though.

Arabia Fats: I was too hard on this guy. While I meant everything I said, and his episode is boring filler, does it really make him a bottom of the barrel all-time worst villain? No. It just makes him a crappy joke character. 2/10.

Mannish Boy: I regret not getting to this guy last time, because aside from Forever he’s probably one of the most insane Stand user of the part, seeing as he is an infant. Like, he’s just an evil baby who can kill people in their dreams. And he gets defeated by being force fed his own crap. Much like Forever, it’s fun to speculate where exactly DIO found this guy; did he just go to a nursery and start jabbing babies with the Stand arrow? Did he meet this guy at a Cairo night club? What exactly is Mannish Boy’s origin? He’s just so utterly and hilariously inexplicable. He’s definitely a 7/10; he doesn’t quite have the shock factor that Forever did before him, but let’s not pretend an evil talking baby Stand user isn’t one hell of a weird twist.

Cameo: This guy really lives up to his name; his Stand is the one that gets the most screentime, with the actual Stand user being relegated to a – you guessed it – cameo appearance at the end of the fight. Thankfully, his Stand is an enjoyable take on jerkass genies and gives a pretty sad and disturbing episode that not only features my man Polnareff, but also marks the point where Avdol returns and brings “Hell 2 U!” I think he deserves at least a 7/10, even if this is mainly for Judgment. Still, a Stand is a representation of the user’s soul, so I think it works out.

Here’s the Stand:

And here’s the man behind it:

Midler: Midler is one of the single most interesting characters from the pre-Egypt half of Stardust Crusaders, and is the point where Stand users really started to get interesting. Her Stand, High Priestess, has a really funky and unique design, and her battle serves as the final roadblock before the Crusaders arrive in Egypt. Despite never appearing onscreen, with only her unconscious body being shown at the end of the fight in a way that obscures her, she got to appear in Heritage for the Future with an awesome sexy belly dancer design and a badass moveset that makes her a really fun character to play as. Taking everything into account, I think she just barely scrapes into the bottom of the 8/10 pool, though really this is mainly for her playable appearance.

N’Doul: My opinions really haven’t changed on him. He’s still an 8/10.

Oingo & Boingo: These guys are, in a word, hilarious. In between the grueling, brutal fight with N’Doul and the later fights in the part, these guys bring some much needed levity to the proceedings. Oingo gets an entire episode where he just completely bumbles about as he attempts to impersonate Jotaro to assassinate the Crusaders, failing at every turn and only managing to blow himself up in the end. Boingo fares a little better, eventually getting roped in to Hol Horse’s scheme to get some revenge, which leads to one of the funniest episodes of the entire series as Hol Horse and Oingo hold up Polnareff. I think they collectively get an 8/10 for being two of the funniest Stand users in the part. They even get their own unique end credits in the anime (with Hol Horse joining in on the fun when he teams up with Boingo)!

Anubis: Again, my opinion is unchanged, though I must say him having technically three playable appearances in Heritage for the Future does make me have at least a little more fondness for him. Black Polnareff, Chaka, and Khan are all amusing characters to play as and all have some awesome theme music. Introducing the concept of Stands being able to exist independently of their Original user is pretty neat, as well as the idea of a Stand that can switch users like it does. 7/10 is still what I’d give it, but I think that it’s pretty telling that this is probably the “weakest” character in the Egypt arcs in terms of being a villain, and yet he’s still pretty cool.

Mariah: Completely unchanged. She still deserves an 8/10, because her episode is hilarious, her playable appearance in Heritage for the Future is a blast, and she’s just really frikkin’ hot. I’m not gonna lie, she’s probably my second favorite enemy Stand user out of the Egyptian ones. I may or may not want her to step on me.

Alessi: I’m going to be honest here: Alessi is my favorite of the Egyptian Stand users. He’s an ax crazy coward with pedophile undertones who is just an utterly demented and sick individual with a seriously intriguing Stand that de-ages its victims. It’s a damn shame he never crossed paths with Joseph and de-aged him, but when he’s just such a hilarious and hateable lunatic with an incredibly fun playable appearance in Heritage for the Future (complete with awesomely creepy theme music!) it’s hard for me to give Alessi anything less than a 9/10. Attaboy!

Daniel J. D’Arby: My opinion is honestly unchanged, but I think I’d bump him down to an 8/10.

Pet Shop: Again, unchanged really. It’s hard to give a character as busted as he is in Heritage for the Future anything less than a 9/10 any way you slice it.

Telence T. D’Arby: Opinion unchanged, 8/10. I don’t have much else to say here, besides Xander Mobus rocks.

Kenny G: See Arabia Fats above. I got irrationally mad over a dumb joke character. He’s not going above a 2/10, but he’s not worth really getting mad about.

Vanilla Ice: I still think he’s the only enemy Stand user besides Hol Horse who deserves his 10/10. My opinion of him remains unchanged, but I would like to say he’s easily one of my favorite characters to play as in All-Star Battle.

Nukesaku: Ok, he’s not an enemy Stand user, he’s just some weird vampire… zombie… thing. Still, I feel he’s at least worth briefly mentioning, if only because he’s probably the only easily-defeated joke villain Araki did from the first three parts who is particularly memorable. Wired Beck and Doobie are really not all that memorable, but Nukesaku at least elicits a few chuckles – he even gets cameos in Heritage for the Future as well as getting to be a stage hazard in All-Star Battle. For what he is, I think he deserves a 5/10.

And with all these enemies taken care of, that just leaves one more Stand user to talk about.. one whose Psycho Analysis has been sitting in my drafts for a year now...

[grailfinders]

Fate & Phantasms #118: Ozymandias

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're making one of the greatest pharaohs of all time, Ozymandias, a.k.a. Ramses II! You got sunpower, you got tombs, and you got sphinxes. You've got so many sphinxes.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Naaaaaaaants ingonyamaaaaaaaaa bagithi Baba!

Race and Background

You're a very shiny half god, but you don't fly, so that narrows down our options to the Scourge Aasimar. This gives you +1 Wisdom and +2 Dexterity (thanks to Tasha's). You also get some Darkvision for your trouble, Celestial Resistance to radiant and necrotic damage, Healing Hands for some Imperial Privilege off the bat, and the Light cantrip, because you won't have enough of that by the end of this build.

Like many servants before you, calling you a Noble is a bit of an understatement. However, that's the closest we can get to living god, and it gives you History and Persuasion proficiencies.

Ability Scores

Make sure your Wisdom's high, we use it a lot and being a wise king is a pretty good gig. Following that is Dexterity, because you're definitely not wearing armor but you're also not dead. I mean all servants are dead, but... anyway. After that is Charisma, you literally light up the room when you walk in.  Constitution is next, gods aren't easy to kill after all. Your Intelligence is going to have to be a bit low. I have my doubts about the ancient Egyptian education system, but you are smart enough to drink your Respect Women Juice, so I'm not going to dump it. That leaves your Strength as the odd man out. I know you've got abs, but we'll be getting our punching power from dexterity anyway, so it'll work itself out.

Class Levels

1. Cleric 1: This is almost cheating. You're literally a god already, so I guess you can believe in yourself. As a Light cleric, you can cast and prepare Spells using your Wisdom. You also get a Warding Flare that you can use as a reaction, imposing disadvantage on a creature attacking you. Assuming they use their eyes to see, of course. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your Wisdom modifier.

You also get plenty of spells- all your spellcasting classes here have preparation, so you don't have to fret too much about grabbing the right ones. You'll be switching them up daily anyway. That being said, here you get Guidance to hear the voice of... yourself... telling someone the right way to do something, adding a d4 to an ability check. You also get Word of Radiance and Sacred Flame for some easy radiant damage.

Since you're a light cleric, you can add Burning Hands and Faerie Fire to your spell list for free for some hot and not hot light respectively. If you're still looking for more stuff to cast, Bless gives you a longer lasting form of Guidance for when you need to inspire your party with tales of your wife, Command lets you put the fear of You into someone so they'll do what you say, and Inflict Wounds is a really good magical damage dealer. It's not radiant damage, but you'll have plenty of that already.

Finally, your proficiencies: Wisdom and Charisma saving throws, as well as Religion and Insight. Being god comes with a lot of perks, especially the fact that you're never wrong about your doctrine.

2. Monk 1: We're popping into monk early because waiting any longer for your shirtless scene would be a literal crime. At first level, you get Unarmored Defense, giving you an AC based on your wisdom as well as your dexterity. You also get Martial Arts, making your minimum damage with your fists, a shortsword, or a simple weapon a d4, letting you substitute dexterity for strength, and allowing you to make an unarmed attack as a bonus action after you attack with your action. Few deserve the honor of your touch, but by You you'll give it to them. You're generous like that.

3. Cleric 2: As a second level cleric you can Channel your Divinity once per short rest, either Turning Undead by forcing them to make a wisdom save with a DC of 8 plus your proficiency plus your wisdom modifier, which if they fail, they have to run away until the effect ends or they take damage. The more you option, however, is the Radiance of the Dawn, which you use as an action to banish darkness within 30' of you and deal radiant damage to creatures that fail their constitution saves in that area.

Speaking of radiant damage, your Radiant Consumption kicks in at this level- spend a bonus action to transform into a lightbulb that shines light for 20 feet, and each creature within 10 feet (including you) takes radiant damage equal to half your level at the end of each turn. You can also add more radiant damage to an attack or spell once per turn, which is equal to your level. You can use this once per long rest.

4. Cleric 3: At  third level you get second level spells. Your freebies are Flaming Sphere and Scorching Ray, which technically aren’t radiant damage, but the sun’s made of fire too, so I guess it gets a pass. You can also prepare spells like Augury for a bit of Clairvoyance.

5. Monk 2: With some basic spells down, let’s get more sunpower. In a bit. While we’re here, you get some Ki that you can spend to dash, disengage, attack twice, or dodge as a bonus action. You get a number of ki points per short rest equal to your monk level. You also get Unarmored Movement, letting you move an extra 10 feet when not wearing armor.

6. Monk 3: Yeah, this subclass probably isn’t a surprise either. As a Sun Soul monk,  you can throw Radiant Sun Bolts as part of your attack action. These bolts have a range of 30 feet, and use your dexterity to attack. If you use the sun bolt as part of your attack action, you can also spend a ki point to use it twice with your bonus action.

7. Druid 1: This has been pretty obvious so far. Let’s shake things up a bit with a weirder class to take. If you want a canon explanation for this class, the Egyptian pantheon was all about that human/animal duality, but the real reason we’re here is simple. Making sphinxes? High level magic. Making tombs? High level magic. Only Druids (and Bards, technically) can summon animals big enough to be a sphinx and use Mirage Arcane at the same time, so we gotta put some levels in this class. (Though now that I think about it, you do really like to tell stories about your wife... maybe bard isn’t that far-fetched...)

Anyway, first level druids can write in Druidic, a language only druids know. It might as well be hieroglyphs for all your party knows. You can also cast and prepare another list of Spells, which also uses Wisdom. We’ve learned since the Babbage build.

Most of the good Ramses-y spells that you get as a druid you also get as a cleric, but you still get a couple cantrips! Grab Resistance to complement your Guidance, and Druidcraft, so you can make a little sun when it’s already sunny out. You can also use Beast Bond now, because you’re not just a king, you’re a god. That means everything answers to you.

8. Druid 2: Second level druids can use their Wild Shape as an action twice per long rest to turn into a beast that can’t swim or fly of CR 1/2 or lower. You never see Ozymandias turn into an animal in FGO, but you never see him say he can’t either. 

I’ll level with you here: None of the druid subclasses really jive with being Ozymandias well. Desert Land druids don’t give us any spells that fit you, you don’t turn into animals enough for moon, you’re not Nitocris, so Spores is right out... That being said, you have your support niche, and better sphinxes are always good, so why not be a Shepherd druid? As a shepherd, you know the Speech of the Woods, giving you knowledge about Sylvan, as well as the ability to Talk to Animals. So that one level 1 druid spell we wanted is already obsolete.

Once per short rest, you can also summon a Spirit Totem like, say, a big celestial sphinx, that appears for a minute, and creates an aura for 30 feet around it. You can move it up to 60′ as a bonus action.

The totem has three auras you can choose from when you make it, but you can flavor the animals as anything you want. The Bear aura gives creatures in the aura on its creation temporary hp, and allies have advantage on strength checks and saves while in the aura. The Hawk aura uses your reaction to give advantage to an attack that targets something in the aura. Allies also get advantage on perception checks in the aura. Finally, the Unicorn aura gives advantage on detecting creatures in the aura (which feels like it’s stepping on the hawks toes a bit), and if you heal a creature with a spell, you can also heal any creatures in the aura as well. I don’t think your DM will let you call all of those sphinx auras, but I’m sure you can find other animals to call them.

9. Druid 3: Third level druids get second level spells, and fortunately this is the last level you have to worry about overlapping with cleric stuff. Use Continual Flame for some light, Moonbeam for painful light, and continue that support theme with Enhance Ability, doling out your imperial privilege to anyone you deem worthy to give them advantage on one kind of skill check.

10. Druid 4: Fourth level druids get a Wild Shape Improvement, letting you swim and turn into creatures of CR 1 or lower. You also finally get your first Ability Score Improvement, which is going straight in to Wisdom for better spells and a higher AC. Speaking of, you can now cast Shillelagh on your staff to make it a bit stronger and magical, no concentration required.

11. Druid 5: Things start getting spicy when you get your third level druid spells. Specifically, you can summon your Sphinx Awlad now with Conjure Animals! We’re using the stat block of the Nyxborn Lynx here to represent them- you can find the whole thing on the character sheet in case you don’t have a copy of Mythic Odysseys of Theros to thumb through. You can also cast Daylight, in case you wanted to make some sunlight in this ostensibly sunlight themed build.

12. Druid 6: As a shepherd druid, you are now a Mighty Summoner, giving your Awlads an extra 2 hp per hit die when you summon them. Which is great, because Nitocris would flay you if she found out what you were using these cubs for. If she could work up the nerve, at least. Still, keeping them alive is a good idea. Their attacks also count as magical for overcoming resistance.

13. Druid 7: There aren’t many fourth level spells we really want, but you could get Dominate Beast to further assert your dominance over everything, Freedom of Movement to show you can’t be held by mortal means, and Divination for more divine wisdom.

14. Druid 8: With another Wild Shape Improvement, you no longer have any limitations on your wild shape besides being CR 2 or lower. You also get another ASI, which will max out your Wisdom. 

15. Druid 9: Ninth level druids get fifth level spells- again there’s not much that’s super in character, maybe get Wall of Stone to start building your tomb and Reincarnate to prepare yourself for the next life.

16. Druid 10: Tenth level shepherds can create a Guardian Spirit out of your Totem, healing any beasts or fey you’ve summoned if they end their turn in the totem’s aura.

You can also Control Flames as a cantrip now. It’s a light source and we’re running out of good cantrips.

17. Druid 11: Sixth level spells are where you really start to shine- literally, in the case of Sunbeam, which deals plenty of radiant damage. You can also use Bones of the Earth to begin construction of your tomb in earnest (and squashing any troublemakers in the process), and Conjure Fey lets you summon a Mammoth, a beast big enough to be our stat block for a full grown Sphinx. If your DM’s cool with it you might want to adjust the damage types to be more like the cubs, but it’s functional either way. Kinda weird that mammoths and big cats have the same tactical style, but not my place to judge.

18. Druid 12: Use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for more HP and better concentration.

19. Druid 13: Your final level of druid nets you seventh level spells, including the one we came all this way for, Mirage Arcane. For ten minutes of casting time, you can create a square mile mausoleum, complete with tactile sensations, for ten days. Trap your enemies inside your maze, then spend the next couple days picking them off at your leisure. Truly the sport of kings.

20. Monk 4: We’re just here for the ASI. Grab it to get more Constitution, which equals more health and better concentration. You also get Slow Fall, using your reaction to reduce falling damage by five times your monk level. It’s not particularly useful by this point, but death by tripping into the grand canyon would be embarrassing. 

Pros:

You got some big sphinxes. With an extra 10-20 hp and consistent healing, your pets can stick around for quite a while and do a lot of damage by gaming the action economy. Also, knocking people around is both fun (for you) and annoying (for them)!

Aside from your cool cats, most of the damage your putting out here is Radiant, which means as long as you aren’t fighting other gods, you’re probably set. If you are fighting other gods, just sic those sphinxes from pro #1 on them.

On top of your summons being hard to kill, you’re also hard to kill. With an AC of 17, almost as much HP as a frontline fighter, the ability to dodge as a bonus action, and your own sources of healing, taking you down is a feat in itself.

Cons: 

Those sunbolts we used three levels just to get aren’t really... how you say... good? It’s a cool way to change up your attacks, but they’re still just not going to do much. They’re mostly here to justify taking monk in the first place.

All your summon spells need concentration, which limits what you can do while your sphinxes are up and also means you have to be careful about where you’re standing. 

Your strength score means if an opponent like Xuanzang gets up close and personal you might be getting pushed around.