#i have a wild apple tree in my yard and i picked 4 of them during the eclipse this morning

[kansasjustgotgayer]

Doing homework is actually against my religion as a hedonist so I’ll need that added to my list of accommodations thank you

[livingcorner]

12+ Ways to Make $1000 a Month from Your Garden (Year Round!)

They say when you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.  Well, I love my garden and given a choice I’d be out there amongst my garden beds day and night.  There’s a big difference between gardening and farming though, and while I love my garden I’m not cut out for the life of a farmer. 

While bringing in a full-time gardening income is a bit tricky, making a side income from your garden is easier than you’d think.

You're reading: 12+ Ways to Make $1000 a Month from Your Garden (Year Round!)

Most people see gardening as a seasonal endeavor, that starts in the spring and ends in the fall, coming and going each year.  Up here in Vermont, our summer growing season is only a sad 100 days or so, and if I confined my efforts to those short months it wouldn’t make for much of a side hustle.  I think it’s important to find a way to earn a consistent side income, so I’m providing options for every month of the year (even in a cold climate like ours).

Beyond that, our land is mostly forested, which means the definition of “garden” is a bit loose.  We grow mushrooms in the shady spots and tap maple trees in season.  We also forage the wild bounty that nature’s garden has provided, meaning that we don’t have to limit our “gardening” to a small tilled section of the yard. 

Even if you’re lacking space in a small suburban lot, expanding outside of the traditional garden into local parks, or taking your garden indoors with salad sprouts, closet mushrooms, and seedling trays will allow you to make use of the space you have year-round.

Here are a few options to earn a substantial side income from your garden every season of the year, with ideas for both city and country folk. 

(Be sure to check local laws and restrictions before you start with anything, as those vary widely from place to place.)

Winter Garden Income

While you’d think winter would be the slow season for backyard garden income, believe it or not, it’s actually the best time for making money from your garden.  You’re generally less busy with planting and weeding, but everyone is stuck inside dreaming of the garden bounty to come.  

Indoor Salad Gardening

January is when everyone’s making new years resolutions to live healthier and eat more salads, but it’s a pretty rough time for gardening in most places.  If right around the end of the year you plan ahead with an indoor salad gardening setup, you’ll be in the perfect position to market microgreens and sprouts when they’re in high demand.

Local farms around here sell winter micro greens CSA’s and unlike summer shares where they net less than a dollar on a head of lettuce, winter greens command high prices.  A small bag of specialty microgreens runs $12 to 15 each.  And I really mean a small bag, maybe 3 cups of at most.

The trick is to grow high-quality, specialty greens that get people excited when the grocery store options are minimal.  The book Year Round Indoor Salad Gardening is a great resource to get started, and covers all you’d need to know to grow your own greens.  At that point, the problem is scaling up and marketing.  

Start a Small Backyard Seed Company

You may think you need to be some kind of multi-national to sell seeds, but in reality, customers are looking toward sustainably grown seed for specialty heirloom varieties these days.  It doesn’t get much more sustainable than a backyard garden, and buying seed locally ensures that you’ll get varieties perfectly suited to a particular growing region.

Choosing the right crops is key to generating a good income selling seeds.  Tomato seed, for example, is very easy to save and a single tomato often has enough seed to supply a dozen seed packets.  The flowers are self-contained, and it actually takes work for plant breeders to hybridize a variety, which means they’ll come true to variety even with many different types grown in the same garden. 

Most importantly, people get really excited about tomatoes.  Ever wonder why 1/3 of any seed catalog seems to be tomato seed?  With all that love for tomatoes, customers are liable to drop $5 for a locally grown packet of seeds for a really great variety.

While tomatoes are really easy, there are many varieties that aren’t much harder.  You need to know a bit about seed saving, not only harvesting and cleaning the seed, but about how pollination and selection works by variety.  Some varieties require a minimum population size to avoid inbreeding in the long term, and all that’s important to know before you get started. 

Seed to Seed is generally recognized as the most encyclopedic book on seed saving, covering just about every variety you can imagine.  It has great breadth to get you started, but not a whole lot of depth.

The Seed Garden is hands down my favorite seed saving book.  It’s well written and covers varieties in great depth.  It’s authored by The Seed Savers Exchange which does great work in the field of preserving heirloom varieties.

The Complete Guide to Seed Saving has a lot of stellar reviews, and it’s the next one I’m going to add to my gardening library.

Even in a small town environment here in Rural Vermont, there are about a dozen local seed companies.  High Mowing Seed started out really small just down the road from us, and now they’re a big national brand.  Milkweed Medicinals sells specialty seed that’s hard to find, and they now sell in all the local coops. 

Find your niche and there’s a great income to be made with homegrown seed.

Selling Cuttings

Even easier than saving seed, selling cuttings is an easy way to make a healthy income from your established plants in the winter months.  There are a number of varieties, like grapes for example, that need to be cut back or pruned in the winter.  Those cuttings are perfect for starting new plants and many gardeners are willing to pay good money for tiny pieces of your established crops.

I just bought 30 elderberry cuttings from Norms Farms at $4 each to propagate at home.  Elderberries grow readily from cuttings, and it’s an economical way for me to get a huge bed of them started.  Elderberry plants from a nursery cost about $30 each, so I’m happy with the transaction and the seller just made $120 off a tiny box of trimmings.

There are a number of plants that grow well from hardwood cuttings, some like black currants, are as simple as snipping off a tip and sticking it into the ground.  Others require a bit more attention and prep work to the cuttings, but they’re still beginner level.

Scion wood, or cuttings from apple trees to be grafted onto rootstock, is similarly lucrative.  All you need is a couple of established apple trees of known varieties and you can harvest cuttings for sale. 

Usually, each cutting is only a few inches long, so shipping them isn’t a big issue.  There’s a marketplace on the seed savers exchange website, and a scion wood cutting sells for about $4 each.

Start by learning a thing or two about plant propagation, first so that you can establish your own cutting beds, and then so you can educate customers on how easy it is to grow plants from cuttings.  Try reading Practical Woody Plant Propagation for Nursery Growers to get you started.

Read more: Why Does My Garden Hose Keep Bursting? | GardenAxis.com

A handful of elderberry cuttings that sell for $4 each.

Growing Mushrooms Indoors

Learning to grow mushrooms is a bit different than most standard garden crops, so this one will take some studying for even seasoned gardeners.  Still, there’s the potential to grow large crops from a small indoor space year-round.

The book Organic Mushroom Farming and Mycoremediation describes in detail how to set up a back closet, extra nook or spare bathroom to grow mushrooms with minimal time investment (2 hours a week). 

He has a great breakdown of costs, inputs, and yields…but in summary, you can make about $100 per week from a small setup that takes up a 4’x4′ footprint.  The system scales easily, with minimal extra time investment, meaning you only need slightly more space to increase that to a grand per month.

The best part, they can grow in recycled 5-gallon buckets picked up from restaurants, and they consume waste products like spent coffee grounds, that you can often pick up for free.

If you have access to outdoor space and hardwood logs, growing shiitake mushrooms is also a great place to start for beginners, but outdoors, harvests would be in the warmer months rather than winter.

I don’t know about you, but when I had an office job my co-workers would have loved to buy fresh mushrooms to take home for a fancy Friday night meal.

  Spring Garden Income

Spring is when everyone’s mind is dead set on their own gardens, and it’s a great time to capitalize on the surge in interest in all things green.

Selling Dandelions (and other wild weeds)

While countless suburbanites are spraying their lawns trying to eradicate the dandelions, more savvy gardeners are realizing that one person’s weed is another’s delicacy.  Dandelions are edible root to shoot, and better yet, they’re also highly medicinal. 

Dandelion root tincture sells for about $12 per ounce, and it only takes a root or two per ounce.  The spring greens are highly sought after by local food coops, where they sell for $4-5 per bundle.  Not bad for a pile of weeds.

Beyond dandelions, there’s all manner of early spring green “weeds” that can command high prices if you know how to identify, harvest and process them.  Chickweed is incredibly invasive, but also delicious, and chickweed tincture has plenty of medicinal uses too.  

There’s nothing like making a bit of side income from weeding your garden early in the spring.  You’ve got to do it anyway, might as well make it pay.

Dandelion roots harvested for homemade tincture.

Growing Spring Ephemerals

An ephemeral is a crop that has a very short season, and it may only be around for a few weeks before the plants go dormant (or unharvestable) for a full year.  Ramps, or wild leeks, are a slow-growing ephemeral that’s only around for a few weeks in the spring, but during that time they’re in high demand by both home cooks and fancy chefs.  Knowing where to find a good wild patch is hard, but they’re actually remarkably easy to naturalize in your own backyard.

Growing ramps from seeds just requires the right conditions.  Moist soil, under the shade of deciduous trees.  The more leaf cover the better. 

You’re not growing anything else in that much shade, so growing your own ramps is a great way to earn top dollar from an otherwise unproductive patch of land.  This is a long-term venture though, as leeks are slow-growing, and they’ll require about 5-7 years before your first harvest, but after that, a well-tended and sustainably harvested patch can last indefinitely.

Fiddleheads are another crop that’s generally wild foraged, but it’s remarkably easy to cultivate.  They can actually be pretty invasive, and I spent a long time weeding them out of my garden so I could grow anything else.  I just dug them up and tossed them into a heap, and they kept on growing and spreading from there as if nothing happened. 

Fiddleheads can be really productive, and they sell for about $20 a pound here in Vermont where they’re common.  You might get even better prices somewhere they’re more scarce.

Since they’re productive, fern heads can be pickled to extend their season, so you can market the bumper crop a bit longer.

My daughter holding a harvest of fiddleheads and ramps.

Selling Spring Seedlings

Selling spring veggie seedlings is an obvious choice.  Tomato seeds cost about a tenth of a cent each, but a healthy started plant can easily sell for $5.  Sure, there’s the cost for potting soil and pots, but the profit margin is still huge on seedling sales. 

The trick is, you’re investing your time and energy into starting plants off right, so others don’t have to.  This is one of the most lucrative ways to make money from your garden if you invest in the right equipment and can master the process. 

A greenhouse, even a small backyard model, is essential for producing seedlings early enough in the season.  As for resources to get you started, The New Seed Starter’s Handbook covers everything in detail, including troubleshooting guides if your plants aren’t performing.

Beyond the income from selling seedlings, you’ll also save a boatload by starting your own seeds instead of purchasing starts.  That’s one of those penny saved is a penny earned propositions, and any seedlings you don’t sell can just go right into your own garden.

Take a look at the local market this spring, and see if there are any gaps.  Do all the tomato seedlings sell out quickly, or is the market flooded?  If there’s plenty of other vendors, consider growing something niche like medicinal herbs.

Start a Backyard Nursery

Similar to growing out your own veggie seedlings, starting your own backyard nursery extends the income beyond the busy spring season.  If you’re growing perennials, you don’t have to worry about any unsold plants at the end of the year.  Just tuck them in for the winter and try to sell them next year.

Propagating plants from cuttings is remarkably easy, and all it takes is a bit of time and patience.  Those elderberry cuttings that sold for $4 each (above) as trimmings will sell for $25 to $30 as full-sized potted bushes in a few years.  Just the patience, time and space required to grow out the plants pays back in dividends later. 

This is actually a big part of our retirement plan, and we’re putting in perennials throughout our land to serve as cutting sources later when we open our nursery.  In the meantime, they’re beautiful, and most are edibles like elderberries, so we’re harvesting the fruit for our table while we patiently bide our time to retirement.

Backyard plant nurseries don’t require that much space, as potted plants can be stored fairly close together.

Summer Garden Income

Summer is peak growing season and it’s a great time to earn income from what you’re growing at home.  The big farms and CSA operations have the lettuce market cornered, but backyard gardeners can break into the market by offering really novel crops.  Start by focusing on high-dollar items and unique crops that get people’s attention.

High Dollar Specialty Crops

You’re never going to compete with the 100 acre organic CSA down the road on most generic crops, but those big operations cant grow everything.  They can grow a lot of the staples most families use every day, but backyard gardeners can grow small amounts of truly specialty crops that demand high prices.  Here are a few good options:

Husk Cherries – Also known as ground cherries, these plants produce huge crops of sweet pineapple/strawberry flavored fruit.  They grow on plants similar to tomatoes, and each bright orange fruit is wrapped in a papery husk.  Just one taste and you’ll want more. 

Before we were growing our own, I’d buy them for $5 a pint…now I know that each plant can produce more than a gallon of fruit even with neglect.  If you hand out samples, these will sell themselves.  It also helps if you give people creative ways to use them.

Cucamelons – Also known as mouse melons, these tiny little grape-sized cucumbers taste like a cross between a cucumber and lime.  They’re really wonderful fresh out of hand, and they make great pickles or mixed drinks.  The cuteness factor means that these sell for about $5 per half-pint.

Berry Pick Your Own

To complement our backyard nursery retirement plans, we’re also planning a pick your own operation.  This requires more space than most of the other ideas on this list, but after the initial setup, labor is pretty minimal. 

A while back I calculated the rate of return on a raspberry pick your own, and you’d need about 250-row feet to produce $1000 worth of raspberries.  For us on 30 acres, that’s a drop in the bucket, but that may be more space than you can devote to any one crop.

Strawberries are similar, in that a plant generally yields about a pound of fruit in a season, and requires 1-row foot.  At $4 per pound, you’d need the same amount of row feet as raspberries.  The benefit there is, strawberry rows are much more closely spaced so this may be more practical for some.

  Read more: 37 Garden Border Ideas To Dress Up Your Landscape Edging

Garden Tours, Tea Times & Classes

Though it’s not my cup of tea, garden tours and country tea times are a good option for flower gardeners.  A local nurseryman around here makes a good side income hosting tea time in his home garden, and runs an annual tour of his extensive plantings, along with specialty days for big blooms (like daffodils).  Our gardens are more down-to-earth and “homestead” than they are attractive, but many people’s are just the opposite.

All it takes is a few tables, a decent scone recipe, and a few good teapots, and you’re ready to run a weekly afternoon tea time in the garden.  Add in tours and maybe a few gardening classes and you’ve got yourself a ready source of income from your own beautiful backyard.

Medicinal Herbs

With the increasing demand for more alternative remedies, there’s never been a better time to grow medicine in your backyard.  Locally grown herbs are still hard to find in most areas, but plenty of people are looking for them.

Many medicinal herbs are perennials, which means you plant them once and you can harvest them for years.  And the same compounds that make the plants medicinal also make them resistant to deer and insects, which means less maintenance than garden veggies.  For the most part, they’re perennial, persistent and more importantly…profitable.

There’s a high demand for medicinal tinctures since they’re ready to use, and our local coop has half an aisle dedicated to them.  Tinctures sell for $8 to $12 an ounce, but they only cost about $1 to $2 an ounce, even if you’re buying in the herbs rather than growing them. 

Add in another $1 for the tincture bottle, and you’re still making a pretty sizable profit per bottle.  Choosing crops that are common and in high demand, like echinacea tincture can help you break into the market.

As you’re just getting started, I’d recommend Backyard Medicine as a way to dip your toe into harvesting and making your own herbal remedies, especially from wild crops.  If you’re considering growing herbs for profit I’d highly recommend The Organic Medicinal Herb Farmer: The Ultimate Guide to Producing High-Quality Herbs on a Market Scale.  It’s written by farmers that grow just a few towns over from us, and they’ve inspired a lot of people to take up growing medicine for the market.

The Herbal Academy of New England also has a course designed specifically for herbal entrepreneurs.  The course walks you through the basics of creating your own brand identity, marketing, sourcing herbal ingredients, manufacturing herbal remedies and creating a business plan around herbs and herbal remedies.

Fall Garden Income

The end of the garden season, fall is generally when the crops come in.  In my mind though, it’s one of the more challenging times to make income as a small producer. 

There are a lot of products on the market,  and it’s hard to stand out.  With the holidays right around the corner though, marketing yourself as a niche producer of really unique homegrown gifts can work to your advantage.

Honey & Bee Products

Gardeners need bees and bees need gardeners!  Raising honey bees is a great way to support pollinator communities, but with all the challenges that face hives these days, it’s best to be educated before you start.  There’s a really great book called Natural Beekeeping: Organic Approaches to Modern Apiculture that covers just about everything you need to know to keep your bees healthy naturally.

In a good year, with our short Vermont growing seasons, bees can produce as much as 100lbs of honey for harvest.  The current bulk price at our coop, meaning bring your own container nothing fancy…is $7 per pound.  Pre-packaged just in mason jars, honey goes for $10-12 per pound, and considerably more in specialty gift packaging.

Add in things like bee pollen or propolis for medicinal use, or comb honey, and you have yet more high-dollar items to market.

Honey, especially locally sustainably raised honey is in high demand just about everywhere.  People are realizing that bees are important to our environment, and many will be happy to pay for local honey just knowing that it means supporting someone who is stewarding such an important resource in their neighborhood.

Apples, Cider and Cider Press Rentals

My doctor has a small apple share side hustle that she runs with her sister, selling harvest shares to neighbors in her spare time.  They have a few full-sized apple trees, and each one produces around 100 to 120 pounds of apples per year.  These days, conventionally grown supermarket apples are about $3 per pound…and locally grown apples fetch a premium above that.

She sells shares ahead of time and then divides the harvest as each tree comes to bear.  Distributing them to shareholders every week or two as each variety ripens over the season.

We have other neighbors who sell fresh cider that they press from their trees, at $12 per gallon.  Last year we pressed nearly 80 gallons from our trees, most of which went into hard cider and homemade cider syrup (like maple syrup), but we easily could have sold it instead.  Instead of selling our cider, we have a different strategy for earning our income during apple season. 

We invested in an efficient double-barrel cider press, with the thought that we can rent it out to other small apple producers.  People with one or two trees in their backyard love the novelty of pressing their own cider, and around these parts a press rents for about $50 for the afternoon.  Over the course of the season that can really add up…

Year-Round Garden Income

Beyond different things you can do seasonally to earn a few thousand a couple of months a year, there are things you can do year-round to earn a steady income related to your garden.  

Garden Blogging

I know, making income from blogging seems too good to be true, but writing about diy, gardening, and self-sufficiency is now my full-time job. Within 6 months of starting this blog, I started making an extra $1000 a month.  After 9 months of writing, I was able to quit my day job, and now at 18 months in I bring in more each month than any job I’ve ever had.

The best part?  All I do is write about what we’re already doing here in our daily lives, and I spend my days playing in the garden and out foraging in the woods with my kids.

I was inspired to take the leap into blogging when I read the book Make Money Blogging at Any Level by my blogger friend, Victoria at A Modern Homestead.  She outlines in detail how to earn a substantial income, even from a very small blog.  

She was able to retire her husband and supports her family exclusively with her blog.  If you’re considering blogging as a source of income it’s worth the investment.  It’s $27 for the book, and I made that back in my first week with my blog following her tips.

She also has a much more comprehensive blogging e-course that takes you through everything you need to know to launch your own profitable blog.  It’s a bit more of an investment, but it’s the perfect way for a beginner to learn everything they need to know to launch their blog fast and start earning money.

Garden Micro-Influencer

Making money on Instagram is all the rage these days, and you’d be surprised how many companies are willing to send you free products just for a promise that you’ll post at least 1 picture of it to Instagram with honest feedback.  Once you have even a small following, companies will pay you for your time reviewing it (and you still get to keep it for free…)

Looking for a little inspiration?  You can always follow along on my Instagram for ideas…

Hopefully, this helps inspire you to turn your gardening passion into a meaningful side hustle.  If you have any other ideas, let me know in the comments below.

More Income Inspiration

How to Make a Full-Time Income Off-Grid

8 Ways to Make an Extra $1000 a Month on a Small Homestead

Making Money with Small Scale Maple Sugaring

Related

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/12-ways-to-make-1000-a-month-from-your-garden-year-round/

[daydreamreality]

Perpetual WIP Spring Year 4

I love the Immersive Farm 2 map. It’s a bit chaotic with it’s bushes everywhere, but hey, I like a bit of nature; makes it feel more like a real farm.

Let’s go on a tour! tl;dr this is just me trying to get an idea of what actually needs to be done.

I was making sure I wasn’t dreaming that furniture can now be placed outside. Going to make the yard so much easier to decorate! The lawn flamingos crack me up so they’re staying. I’m hoping to sneak the desert obelisk next to the beach one. Mountain will have to go somewhere else; I don’t really need it, but ya know, gotta have it. My usual go-to spot for the horse is impeded by fencing, but it’s an opportunity! Need to make a little paddock with fencing, hay bales and strategically placed grass starters. Maybe move the shipping bin for more room. Apple tree is clipping. Shane’s coop could use a spruce if I’m able to put anything there. 

My dream of having a field of animals to wake up to realized in virtual form. Lighting rods hidden behind the barns. I didn’t want to do grass starters underneath the perimeter fencing because it looks messy so that’s what the paddocks are for; they’ll eat that grass first before heading to the main field which keeps it clean for walking through. So far this has been enough grass management.

CROPS CROPS CROPS. Monocropping is boring to me so we get this odd sprinkler arrangement. Apparently something is up with my scarecrows so that needs to be worked out. Next to the greenhouse I always plant berries. 

I’ve been playing this game way too long to care for filling machines. Thanks to Automate we’ve got upgraded sheds filled to the brim with preserves jars and kegs. What a beautiful sight! I’ve got a thing for creating wind breaks and I think the pine trees look quite nice there. Though if I’m remembering correctly the wind animation goes the other way...don’t think about it too hard! 

TREES. This looks much prettier in fall. “What’s a sprinkler doing by the maple trees,” you say? Well my friend, this is the permaculture inspired area. Wild seeds planted around the trees (it’s late in the season so they weren’t replanted. Why did I bother picking them, I don’t know.). With the new retaining soil I think I’ll get rid of the sprinklers all together. I had to remove beehives to access the  new minecarts so I’ll probably just make a little sitting area there instead. 

The cabin is a new addition and I’m really glad it fit. The plan is to decorate the interior like a little guest house with legendary fish displays and a place to put some of the museum awards I don’t want in the house. I’ll have to mess with the decking to see if I like the lighter tile better. Though I think I need to put a tree and grass in that space on the right because it’s looking a bit plain. Using automate on crab pots for cheap fish for fertilizer and driftwood to feed the chipper. The space on the left needs something and the answer is usually more TREES. 

My Shane’s chickens. I like to pretend the single duck is a guard goose. On the left we’ve got another wind break that also spawns grass, plus the protected trees in the middle (this is sometimes seen on horse farms, they’ll eat the bark when bored or don’t have enough forage and kill the tree). Automate once again doing work for me (bless) and filling in gaps with machines. Nothing really to do here except maybe one or two more silos and mess with the tree placement in the fenced off part.

I’ve never played a save long enough to get the Golden Clock; I get bored that the village feels dead, seeing the same dialogue over and over again and start over. But oh glorious modders. I can now see new dialogue, new events, even new outfits (I seriously didn’t care about the clothing update until adding Seasonal Villager Outfits and then I had to look as cute as everyone else!). No problem with base game, I can play it over and over again, just don’t have the motivation to play a save after a certain point. And how could I ever get bored of this GIANT farm map?!

Anyway...I’m happy with my Golden Clock. Some other flex for anyone driving through this part to be done on the left, not sure what to do there yet. I don’t think I need another shed unless I feel like making a bar/restaurant room. Need to decide on a tile for in front of the buildings.

If you attempt this farm without the tractor, you’re a stronger person than I am. Workbench and storage area recently moved here from in front of house to make room for the horse paddock. 

Grandpa’s Shed slowly but surely getting filled with casks. The other shed is empty but is going to be for kegs. My playstyle is to never buy resources so this is slow going (COAL), but I may get to a point where there’s nothing big left to buy and forget that self-imposed rule. Also need to build three more fish ponds. And need more jars for them, above the fence would work. 

Is this the most efficient set-up for Junimos? Hell no, but we’re going for the ~**AEsTheTic*~~. I hate picking trellis crops so they can do it for me but they’re given some QoL with their little campfire and decks. This is really set up for hops, I’m going to destroy the coffee. Can’t be bothered to change out paths for certain seasons. 

??? I’ve been wanting to set up an orchard which I’ll probably do on the left with beehives since they’re moving. The large square I use for planting wheat for beer and hay and corn because why not, running around on the tractor is fun. Right now it's being used for completing one of the new community board quests. Definitely needs work. 

And last but not least, my pride and joy, the PIG FOREST. So the idea in real life is that you can use pigs to clear land by putting their destructive rooting behavior to work; they naturally till the land, trample junk plants, and "fertilize". You just have to time moving them from one space to another so they don't negatively affect the soil structure and to decrease parasite exposure. Then you have much less work to do and you get pork! Win-win. I'd much rather move fencing every couple of days than doing all the clearing by hand. So that's why the pigs are here. Maybe I can support another barn full...

And now we can access this hill (or I’m a dummy who never realized you could, it’s possible)! Not sure if you can build or plant on it.

[fennopunk]

Story Prompt: Green

I don’t remember if I have ever mentioned it, but my grandparents had a market garden where they grew and sold flowers, and for the first three years of my life we lived in the attic apartment of their house there, so I kinda got indoctrinated early on (I literally slept my naps under a monstera). This was furthered by having me spend my childhood in the middle of the forest where grandpa had a vegetable garden and greenhouse and at the archipelago in a forested island, and wouldn’t you know, the end result is almost-30-year-old who gets nostalgic about stuff like chives and cucumber flowers and who now plans to have sleeve tattoos made out of nostalgia plants which at the moment are:

Yes, a cucumber flower. Grandpa bred his own variety of cucumbers as a hobby, and would let me eat tiny crunchy cucumbers and tendrils.

Chives are because there’s wild chives at the some parts of the Finnish archipelago where my paternal grandparents had a small lot where they had tents.

Monstera deliciosa, for obvious aformentioned reasons, but also because my paternal grandma had one

Garden croton, because my grandma had that one too, and I inherited it after she died about 8 years ago and it’s still kicking

Wild strawberry, because grandpa let them grow at his (now ours) cottage’s yard, and deemed me, his youngest grandchild, the only one permitted to eat them. No one else was allowed to pick them, and not even ask me to give them one, and they would only get to eat them if I unprompted offered. The rule is still standing couple decades later.

Forget-me-not. When I was maybe 5, there was only one little spot of forget-me-nots at the cottage, and I fell in love and decided to protect them. Now the half hectare yard has them EVERYWHERE, and we even have pink and white varieties popping up every year, so I think I may get a tattoo of all three of them to double as trans pride tattoo.

Rhododendron. My grandpa planted first rhododendrons at the cottage when my mom was still a child and the biggest ones are now bigger than my apartment, and we kinda have a tradition to buy my mom a new rhododendron for mother's day, so now there’s like 15 smaller ones too.

Black alder. There’s this black alder that has one really thick branch stretching over the water, and I used to climb there with a book, because there was a perfect nook for me to curl up to read on one of the branch forks. It got nicknamed “Reading tree” and when my grandpa said it should be cut down because of its weird shape, I wasn’t fast enough to object, because my mom immediately shut him down, and the matter was never brought up again. We have now decided, and since Reading tree is away from anything it could damage, it will be left to grow until it falls on its own (the branch over the lake is getting heavy, so...)

There was a small park of sort, a remnant of an old apple orchard and completely overgrown, and there used to grow tiny gageas, and me and other kids at the row houses we lived in named them “Ladybug flowers”. I have no recollection why, maybe we saw a ladybug land in one? I only recently found out their real name, so in my head they’re still ladybug flowers.

I want to get a big bracken fern on my upper back, over shoulder blades, because one time when I was walking on the forest surrounding the cottage with my parents when I was 4 or 5, I found a dip in the ground that had soft moss bed at the bottom and it was surrounded by big bracken ferns, so obviously I went to lie down on the bottom of the dip and just vibed there and watched as the sunlight filtered through the trees and ferns. My parents obviously got worried at some point because, it’s usually not good thing to lost sight of your small kid in a forest, and they started yelling my name, but I never heard them until they almost literally stumbled over me. They were really mad at me for “hiding”, which made me really upset, because I wasn’t meaning to hide, I just found a spot that made me really really calm and content.

I think I'll get a spadderdock too or maybe just water lilies. We had both at the lake by the cottage.

I want to get a seaweed too, but I haven’t decided exactly which yet. It will be something that grows at the Gulf of Finland at the Baltic sea, because that’s where the summer place my paternal grandparents had was. I especially love the memory of putting on a snorkel mask and diving in an underwater dip in the bedrock that was clear from vegetation, but was completely surrounded by green seaweeds, and I loved just sitting at the bottom of the dip watching seaweed gently wave in the current and little fishes swim amongst them until my lungs burned - and now I’m kinda pissed I never tried to lengthen the snorkel tube and maybe hold on a big rock so I could have stayed longer under the water....

My parents aren't fans of body modifications, but even they are somewhat on board with this plan. Or they just humored me, who knows. But I will get the first one to cover some dermatillomania scars on my left bicep once the skin heals enough.

[cecilspeaks]

146 - The Birthday of Lee Marvin (II)

Every evening’s disappointment is the next morning’s hope. I’m Lee Marvin. Welcome to my birthday.

[somber piano version of the theme song]

There is a dark planet of awesome size, lit by no sun. An invisible titan, all thick black forest and jagged mountains and deep, turbulent oceans. It is so far away, so desolate, so impossibly, terrifyingly dark. One day, we will go there.

Imagine the feeling of the ground beneath your feet on that planet. The soft cold grit of sand that once was rock, that once was mountains. You won’t be able to see the sand. You won’t be able to see anything except the faint glimmer of the stars. There’s always light somewhere, just not here.

What does it smell like on the planet, I wonder. The salt tang of invisible oceans. The bitter sap of ancient forest. I don’t think it smells of rot. I don’t think it smells of fire or a food. I think it smells empty like a home that you lived in for many years but have cleaned out and painted, and are standing in it for the last time and it is once again a stranger to you. I think it smells like that.

I’m Lee Marvin, actor of some note. It is my 30th birthday today. Every day is my 30th birthday and yet I do not age. This morning, on my birthday, I had a vision. I was walking and the ground became wet. Then the water rose up around my ankles, but I kept walking. Around me were the trunks of mighty trees, hundreds of feet around. The water felt cool, but the air was warm, so it was nice to walk through. And still the water rose, and I was waist deep now. I didn’t know where it was I was going toward or away from. There was a fierce bicker of birds somewhere far above. The water (roiled) [0:04:20], but I was not afraid, I just walked, waist deep in that water. Perhaps I walked forever.

My morning routine is like so. I wake up at 5 AM. I know this because my digital clock tells me in stark red against black. I’ve had the same clock for decades. All of the labels have worn off the buttons, I wouldn’t know how to set an alarm, but I don’t need to. Whenever I wake up, it’s 5 AM. Maybe my waking causes time to happen.

I have the same breakfast every morning. I don’t mean I have the same kind of breakfast, I mean it’s the same food. I know because the apple has a bruise shaped like a witch’s hat near the stem. It’s the same bruise, the same size the same shape every morning. When I pour the cereal, no matter for how long or short, it’s the exact same amount of Corn Flakes. I’ve counted them again and again. Even if I pour no cereal at all, if I refuse to touch the box, there is still the same number of Corn Flakes in the bowl. It’s the same breakfast, and I eat it again and again, to celebrate the morning of my 30th birthday.

We were not meant to last forever. There is no peace in eternity. What shapes all of this is the boundaries. The birth, the death, even the pain in the knees, the forgotten wallet. You are bounded and so within, you are bound-less-. Without boundaries, I have no shape, I have no pain in my knees, and so I forget I have them. I forget my body. That’s all. I just wanna remember my body.

There is a dark planet of awesome size, lit by no sun. Its orbit is wild, it serpentines through space. Even with the most powerful telescopes we would not be able to find it. But at some point, we will all see it, clear and plain as our own faces, in the blue of the sky. We will look up on a day where we had a dentist appointment, where we had to pick up the kids by 4, where the basketball game was on down at the bar, and there will be a planet of awesome size, lit by no sun. An invisible titan, all thick black forest and jagged mountains and deep, turbulent oceans.

The planet will be so close that you will be able to see details on its midnight surface. Are those cities that you see upon it? Vast and cavernous cities? Empty windows and empty rooms. No one built those cities, but they are there.

I’m Lee Marvin. I’ve always been Lee Marvin. It has always been my 30th birthday.

This afternoon, on my birthday, I had a vision. I was at a conference table in a conference room, in a building full of rooms exactly like that one. A place of business where money is not made but is procured from those who deserve it less. I wondered, if I searched those offices for all of my birthdays after, would I ever find an exist? But I did not search. I sat at the conference table. Across from me was an unsmiling man. His hands were folded in front of him on the table. I did not greet him, because I felt that we had already exchanged small talk and now it was time to get to the meat of it. But I didn’t know what the meat was. I didn’t know what he wanted from me. Neither of us said anything from either side of our conference table. The tinted window looked out over a parking lot, full of identical silver sedans.

My afternoon routine is like so. I put on my hat and I go into town. I do my shopping and say hello to the people I know and the people I don’t. There’s still somehow people I don’t know even after all this time. However much time it has been. They often wish me a happy birthday and I say thank you. But what I mean is, please don’t. Please, no more.

Sometimes there’s a party and I poke at the cake with the side of my fork. I go home with my groceries and I put them in the fridge, throwing out the identical groceries I’d bought the day before. Then I have an afternoon coffee out in the back yard, staring at my lawn which remains green and lush, even though the heat is intense this time of year, even though I have never in my life watered it.

Grass is like me. I spit a little coffee on the grass. Imagine having no shape, no form. Imagine a clumsy endlessness. Imagine me. Picture me.

In an emergency, it is recommended that you look for the nearest exit. That’s all I’m doing here, looking for the nearest exit.

There is a dark planet lit by no sun. An invisible titan, all thick black forest and jagged mountains and deep, turbulent oceans. I feel that I walked there once long ago. I know the bitter crunch of its lifeless soil. I know the ice fizz of the waves along its shores. I know the smooth glass of its mountainsides. The dark there is complete.

I wish I could take you by the hand, and together you and I could step onto its surface. We could know it the way one knows a home. We could find warmth in its absolute chill. We could make light in its total darkness. But that won’t happen. Because when we visit that planet, we each must visit it alone. But we can take comfort in those who have gone before, and those who will come after. There is a dark planet lit by no sun, and one day we will go there.

This evening on my birthday, I had a vision. I was climbing a chimney of rock. The rock sat tight around my shoulders. There was hardly room for my body. By wedging myself outward, I was able to make myself stable and then wiggle myself just a little bit higher and a little bit higher after that. I knew that my climb would last for the rest of my life, and that the rest of my life would last forever. And still I wiggled myself an inch at a time. Far above me was a dot of light. Pale orange of sunrise or sunset, it never changed. The sun was always setting or else it was always rising, and anyway I was far beneath, wiggling my way up a chimney of rock. Far below, I could see cave water, absolutely clear and impossible deep and brutally cold. If I wanted I could simply relax my body and fall through the rock into that cold and clean water. All I would need to do is relax for one second. But I didn’t. I kept climbing toward the sunrise or else the sunset.

My evening routine is like so. I listen to the radio to hear the news and nod thoughtfully at what the world is up to when I’m not involved. I take off my socks. I like how my feet feel against the carpet in my living room. Sometimes I hear a voice from the living room wall. The voice sounds like me. “There must be more than this,” the me in the wall says to the me in the chair. “I wish it were so,” I say to the me in the wall. “Could you, could you help me out here, I think I’m stuck?” says the me in the wall. And I shake my head sadly. If I could have helped myself, I would have already.

I don’t like to sleep, so I binge an old 90’s sitcom like “Five in the Pit” or “The Thin Man Commences”. I don’t fall asleep, I know I don’t. I count every hour until the next day. And yet I find myself waking again in my bed and it’s my 30th birthday. As it is always my 30th birthday.

If I’m not given a boundary, I will have to create a boundary for myself. I will have to be the inventor of my own end. Listen against a window. Do you hear the soft murmur of the weather outside?

[“Sicilian Crest” by The Mountain Goats, http://www.mountain-goats.com http://ionlylistentothemountaingoats.com]

I have lived a very long time. Perhaps longer than anyone. Hmh. And yet there is still so much I haven’t done. I’ve never been to Poland or Bolivia, or New Zealand or Svitz. I’ve never been to North Carolina or North Dakota or North Florida or Germany. I’ve never seen a giraffe in person. Or a boar. Or a praying mantis or an eagle. I’ve never been to space, I’ve never been in a come and I’ve never tasted kale or kimchi or lamb or (-) [0:20:37].

There are big things I’ve never done. I’ve never written a book or recorded an album. I’ve never built a house. Choosing the location and materials, laying down the foundation and constructing the framework upon it. Putting in insulation, installing drywall, getting permits from the city. I’ve never led an army over a mountain pass, saying to them: “Today we go down in history!” I’ve never gone down in history. I mean, most of us haven’t and most of us won’t, but me too I guess. I’ve never been to the dark part of the ocean floor where the sun can’t reach through the sheer liquid mass, and the strange creatures live whose beauty does not rely on our sense of beauty, because their existence does not rely on our sense of existence. Or the volcanic vents pump heat into the blue-black abyss. I’ve never been married, although I have been divorced. I’ve never sky dived or even been on a plane. I don’t know what flying feels like. I imagine it feels a little like dreaming and a lot like waiting.

There are small things that I’ve never done. I’ve never had a picnic. I’ve never made whole wheat pasta. I’ve never parallel parked or spent a few hours picking up litter from the side of the road. I’ve never pulled a weed. And I’ve never bought a hat. I’ve always owned this hat. I don’t remember where I got it. I’ve never driven any car but a Dodge Durango. I’ve never seen a single movie except “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. No that new remake but the original 1960’s classic starring Frank Sinatra as every character. I can’t imagine any other movie being better, so I’ve never bothered.

Exotic things I’ve never done. I’ve never time traveled, although I do get the brochures in the mail each week like everyone else. I’ve never danced in the ballet. Huh, although I’ve daydreamed of it many times. I’ve never printed counterfeit money, nor ordered a hit on anyone, nor otherwise committed a crime. I’ve never been bitten by a vampire or by a werewolf or by a child.

Simple things I’ve never done. I’ve never mailed a letter. I’ve never owned a dishwasher. I don’t know what a sauna feels like. I’ve never been in a hot tub. I’ve never kept a flower in a vase, long after it was time to throw it away until it is the brown memory of a flower that once was. I’ve never done Pilates or yoga or Crossfit. I’ve never taken a run, although I’ve always owned running shoes.

My life, like all lives, is more of a list of “I never”s than “I have”s. Because the world is bigger than we can reach. Not even if we spend our entire lives reaching. We clear a little circle around ourselves. We sit in that circle, and that is our life. But it’s OK. I don’t have to do everything. I will leave an endless list of the “not done”s and the “meant to”s and the “should have”s, and that’s fine. After all, past performance is not a predictor of future results. After all, death is only the end if you think the story is about you. After all, after everything, after it’s over, what then?

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: A group of Chihuahuas is called a committee. A group of Labradors is called a jumble. A group of Golden Retrievers is called a butter dish.

[short-grumpy-and-useless]

3rd person POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry Potter's day started out like any other. Well, for him that is. That morning the neighborhood was silent and the sun shone brightly over the residents of privet drive as the early-birds started to move around, though most were still asleep. Such was the case with the inhabitants of number 4.

The night before Vernon Dursley had beaten a certain undeserving inmate of the dwelling into a bloody pulp. But then again, that really wasn't a surprise as it happened quite often. So today Harry woke up to horrendous pains all over his body and someone shaking his shoulder frantically. 'Oh god, mmpphh, everything hurts, my whole body is on fire! why are they shakin' me so hard?! Why would anyone be awake at this unholy hour?' And that's when he heard an all too familiar voice. "Harry! Harry, wake up!" whisper-yield the chubby boy kneeling in front of Harry as he shook him again, though more violently this time. Harry groaned and sat up, trying to wipe a sticky, gritty substance from his face. He sat there disoriented and, frankly, quite grumpy trying in vain to get the foul stuff off his face, when it didn't come off he pulled his hand away to look at it. What he saw there made Harry wake up fast and put his stomach in knots. Some of his fresh and dried blood was mixed into a sickening concoction of thick, rusty-red colored, lumpy liquid dampening his already grimy fingers.

Harry wanted to throw up his non-existent dinner as he looked at the floor around him to see it drenched in liquid of the same color. It was his blood and there was a lot of it. Harry sat there wondering how he was even still alive. "Harry are you ok?" Harry gave him a disbelieving 'did you really just ask me that dumb-ass question?' look. "I mean I know that you're not but you were looking really green for a second there." "Yeah, I'm fine Dudley. Just forget it." he said to the newly named Dudley.

Dudley cast him a skeptical gaze, his blue eyes that usually looked like the clearest of seas lapping at the shore of a tropical island, now clouded with worry. "Fine. But, we need to clean up this mess before Vernon gets his ugly ass out of bed and has a cow," he paused thinking for a moment. "And a horse, and a goat," he added. "Hell, he'd probably have the whole bloody farm if he saw this." Dudley chuckled, brushing his corn-silk, blond hair out of his face, gesturing with his other hand to the floor, then to Harry, and finely to himself.

Harry frowned. "But what if he catches you helping me? Then he'll punish you and I can't let that happen, no matter what, you're too important for me to let that happen an-" "Harry, calm down, breath! nothing's going to happen just let me help you. Then you can go take a quick shower and change." After a few minutes of breathing slowly, in and out, Harry finely calmed down enough that he could talk. "You have to go back upstairs. Right now! I will not take the chance of you or Petunia getting hurt. Not again. Do you understand." Dudley let out a heavy sigh, but agreed. "Yeah, I understand. Remember you only have about an hour to clean and shower before that pathetic excuse for a human-being wakes up and continues his reign of terror." he sighed in a defeated voice, knowing there was no arguing with Harry when he went into this mind set, or as Dudley liked to call it, his 'momma bear mode'. With that Dudley quietly, yet somehow sulkily, padded up the creaky stairs as to not wake Vernon.

As soon as Dudley was out of sight Harry ran to the kitchen as fast as he could and grabbed a wash cloth and a bottle of cleaning solution from under the sink to clean the floor. As quickly and quietly as possible he ran back to the sitting room and skidded to his hands and knees in front on the massive, sticky puddle and dumped half of a gallon of cleaner on the carpet and started scrubbing it furiously, running back to the kitchen to rinse his rag every once in a while.

After a good twenty minutes of scrubbing the stain, it was finally gone. He put all his cleaning supplies away and remembering to stay quiet, he quickly ran up the stairs and into his room to grab his toiletries and some extra clothes before toppling into the bathroom and taking a fifteen-minute shower, being careful of his injuries. He scrambled out of the shower, dried himself, and began pulling on his clean clothes, that were honestly more like rags or potato sacks than anything.

As he was getting dressed he accidentally looked into the mirror, which he usually tried to avoid. His eyes skimmed over his appearance and he realized that this beating must have lasted a lot longer than he had thought. He had bruises and cuts all over his body. Not a single inch of his pail, paper-y, scared skin had been left without a mark, not even his face, which his uncle Vernon usually tried to steer clear of to avoid suspicion. Harry was much to skinny and short for his age, you could see it in the way his skin clung to his bones and how you could see his ribs, or how he was quickly approaching his fifteenth birthday and he was barely reaching 5'4" in height, which was about four inches below the average women's height. His emerald green eyes, which were usually faded at the best of times looked to be more the color of a rotting green apple. His wild pitch-black hair that has always been a messy rats nets now had chunks missing from where his uncle had taken a pair of kitchen shears to it.

Looking at his reflection he realized that he was lucky to have survived the night and that his magic was the only thing that kept him alive. Harry tore his gaze from the horrific image reflected in the mirror and finally finished getting dressed. He snagged his cracked and bent, round, wire rimmed glasses off the counter, then sprinted out of the bathroom and to his room to wait for his aunt to come and get him so he could make breakfast before starting his chores.

__________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Time skip to that afternoon*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That morning had been hell. Harry hadn't gotten a chance to wrap his most severe wounds so throughout the day they would randomly re-open and start gushing blood. Thankfully his uncle had left for work before this happened the first time otherwise Vernon would have beaten him even more. It was hard to do his work with his injuries and tiredness, but he refused to let Dudley or Petunia help and risk getting them in trouble, or at least he tried to refuse but he ended up loosing the argument because he was too weak from blood loss and malnutrition. To top it off he had accidentally burnt breakfast that morning while preparing it so Uncle Vernon was already pissed when he left for work.

Just then he heard a car pull into the drive way, the car door slam closed, then the front door as Uncle Vernon made his way into the house bringing with him the strong smell of alcohol. 'Oh no!' Thought Harry, 'He's back early! And drunk to boot!' Vernon stumbled drunkenly into the sitting room where Harry had been cleaning and stopped in his tracks, because there before him was his son, Dudley, helping Harry dust the China cabinet against the far wall.

Vernon swelled up, turning purple with rage. "What do you think you're doing, helping that useless boy with his work!" He thundered as he stomped across the room to where they stood. Harry and Dudley both shrank away from the furious man. Harry stepped in front of Dudley as a meager form of protection as Vernon reached them. Vernon grabbed Harry by the scruff and tossed him against the wall. As he hit the wall his wounds re-opened again, staining his clothes crimson with blood. He groaned and hurriedly scrambled to his feet, rushing at Vernon in a last ditch effort to stop him but Vernon simply picked up a vase from the cabinet next to him and smashed it against Harry's skull. Harrys head exploded in pain as a fresh wave of blood pored out of his scalp. His glasses flew off his face, and he fell to the floor, nearly unconscious but still able to see fuzzy shapes through the haze blurring his vision. The blurry blob that was Vernon Dursley stomped towards Dudley, raising his fist and brought it down on his cheek. Dudley fell to the ground and curled into a ball trying to protect his head and vitals while blow after blow rained down on him.

After a couple more strikes Vernon stomped over to Harry, leaving a black and blue Dudley whimpering on the floor. He grabbed Harry by the arm and dragged him out side. Vernon tossed Harry out in to the backyard at the edge of the woods, which was connected to the back of the property. Harry just lay there as he heard the door slam, too weak to get up. He registered that the sun was setting in the back of his mind. 'Oh, it's a full moon tonight, how pretty." He thought just before loosing conciseness.

—————————————

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     *A two hours later*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry blearily opened his eyes as he slowly regained consciousness and sat up, letting out an animalistic whine from the pain. He painstakingly got to his feet and hobbled over to the back door to look in the window, not daring to even try to go inside. Through the back window he saw Vernon passed out on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, Dudley huddled in the corner of the room covered in dried blood and bruises, and Petunia no where to be found. He sat there for a while and just watched, getting lost in thought.

He was suddenly snapped out of his pondering by a low growl coming from the side of the yard where the trees and shrubs were thickest. He spun and stumbled away from the tall bushes that lined that side of the yard as a form of fencing. Harry quickly backed up all the way to the other side of the yard and into the tree line to get away from a large, almost horse sized black shape that was stalking him from where the bushes and the corner of the house met.

Harry slowly backed away from the looming figure and towards the large trees at the end of the frigid yard. The shadow only followed from a distance, still snarling and snapping. Then all of a sudden it lunges and Harry, pumped full of adrenaline, took off, running deep into the woods.

Flashes of trees, branches stinging his face and arms, rocks and roots trying their hardest to trip him, the hot breath of the beast behind him hitting the goosebumps on the back of his neck. Suddenly he burst into a clearing and spun, facing what he could now see in the silver pools of moon light was a werewolf.

Harry's breath came faster, his heart bea t picked up, adrenaline flushed through his veins, fear became clear on his face.

He took a deep, shuddering breath and school his features into a poker face. He could do this, Remus had taught him how to handle situations like this. He took another breath and studied the large wolf and by the look of it, it was an Alpha male, so he needed to go the submissive rout.

Harry slowly got down on his hands and knees, never braking eye contact. Then he tilted his head back, baring his neck to show his submission to the Alfa, just like Remus had told him too. The dark mahogany wolf wearily approached him and lightly at first, began sniffing along his collar bone, then he buried his cold, wet nose in Harry's neck, snuffing and snorting, trying to get a stronger whiff of his scent.

Suddenly Harry began to loose his balance so he tried to adjust his footing and a twig snapped under his foot. It surprised the Alpha causing him to go on the defensive and snap. He sank his razor sharp teeth into Harry's shoulder, mangling it. Harry let out a blood curdling scream as the wolf's hot drool mixed with his blood as it ran down his side and the venomous curse began to spread through his veins.

The spooked wolf released him and bolted into the night leaving Harry slumped on the ground. As another wave of agony washed over him he lost consciousness.

Again.

For the umpteenth time that week.

But oh well, at least he was still sane, right?

Right?

———————

Hi this is a continuation of the prologue I posted a couple months ago. I hope you liked it and I should be posting the next chapter soon. If you liked it please like, comment and share( but please don’t post on another app/website without my permission). Thanks for reading!

~Nico Phantom

[ohboywonder]

Suddenly There - A Narnia Fanfiction

Chapter Five: A Private Lesson

Words: 2552 | AO3 Warnings: light swearing

Content: Suddenly Joyce stumbles into Narnia. Meeting the four Pevensies, she gets taken in and care of. A tension builds up between her and Edmund, although Joyce is clueless that he himself is a King, too. Peter though seems interested in her too and just as Lucy and Susan found out that there’s no way back to England, an attack puts Joyce to the test and she has to proof that Asland picked out the right person to bring back peace to Narnia. 

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - ...

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of knocking. Someone knocked on my door. I opened my eyes and looked around, but it took me a second to realise where I was. “Come in”, I said and thought it’d be my mother, but instead a girl looked through the door and smiled at me. Just then I realised that I wasn’t with my mother and that I wouldn’t be soon, if we didn’t figure out a way to get me back.

All these thoughts roamed through my head before Lucy could say her “Good morning”, but I managed a smile anyways. “Good morning”, I replied and sat straight up.

“Since you’re not dressed yet I think I’ll help you get ready for breakfast, mh?”, she said and I smiled. She was so kind to help me with my hair and the dress again. She herself although looked wonderful. Her hair was braided and turned into a knot in her neck. A few strands hung into her face, but she looked stunning. I tried to remember the way she tied my dress but her hands flew so fast I couldn’t keep up with them.

“Had a good first night in Narnia?”, she asked while pulling the strings of my corset tighter together.

“Oh, well. I seem to have had a bad dream. I woke up in the middle of the night and obviously I screamed, because my guard checked on me. I did not only embarrass me the first night I am here but I also scare that young man, eh, faun to death, so… yeah. A great first night I’d say.”

Lucy giggled but placed her hands on my shoulders. “I can only imagine, it must be hard…” This sounded like she did not have an experience like me, but could imagine too well how I must feel.

“Well, then let’s put this experience behind and get some breakfast.” She walked me back to the dining hall and told me about her daily routine, all the things she had to do and people she needed to meet. Being a Queen of Narnia wasn’t an easy job. She also talked about other nations and tribes inside of Narnia and how there would be a banquet soon to keep peace and discuss trade and other important things, but these meetings were up to Peter, as the High King, and Lucy and the others were mainly there to entertain the guests and keep up good relations with important people.

“This sounds like a lot of responsibility”, I said and we walked around a corner. The entrance to the dining hall now was in sight and I now remembered where in the castle we were.

“Well, not as much as Peter has to carry as the High King. But we mostly enjoy the feasts and banquets, since other humans in Narnia are kind of rare.” She smiled at me before we entered and suddenly I missed my mother even more. I could have used one of her hugs right now but before I could delve deeper in my thoughts, a voice pulled me out of my them.

“Good morning, Joyce.”, High King Pete said and I looked up at him. He wore a light-blue cape with golden embroidery and his beard was trimmed. He must have been around twenty-five now? Lucy sat down and I stood there, frozen on the ground. What about courtesies? Did I have to make a curtsy? What was expected of me?

“Oh, don’t worry.”, Susan said and patted on the seat next to her. “You’ll get used to life in the palace. There’s no need for courtesies – not now.” I took a deep breath, smiled at her, and sat down. Her hair flew free over her shoulders, a single flower was put into behind her ear and she wore a breath-taking dark green dress with white embroidery.

“Thank you”, I mumbled and sat down. Lucy sat next to me and Edmund next to her. Peter sat at the head of the table and the breakfast looked delicious. Buns, bread, fruits. I could see beans and toast as well and felt a little more at home. As I looked up I could see Edmund scanning me sceptically but when I raised an eyebrow he looked away. “Well then, enjoy your first Narnian breakfast.”, Peter said and grabbed an apple. Susan reached for a bowl of beans and Edmund grabbed a toast. Lucy took a bun and some marmalade. The breakfast looked amazing but I only took some grapes, hoping not to seem rude. I could see the suspicion in the eyes of the others but I couldn’t eat. Especially not since my thoughts of home came back, as Susan ate the beans right next to me. The smell was great and I wished I could sit together with uncle Lewis and my mother.

The others began to chat and Peter explained to me who would join the banquet and tried to make me understand where the different parties all came from. But without a map I was completely lost.

“I think it’s enough to ask of her to find her way around in the castle. She doesn’t need to know all of Narnia yet.”, Edmund said and winked at me.

“I- uhm… I will… Yes.”, I stammered and looked down on my plate, where two single plums remained next to a lonely grape.

“We’ll practise”, Peter said and suddenly he even smiled. I’ve never seen him smile and he looked younger now, but Susan pulled me out of my thought through laying a hand on my shoulder.

“We’ll also see whether we can find a way… back. For you. I’ll be in the library today and see whether one of the old books gives away a hint.” Her voice sounded flat.

Suddenly it came to my thoughts that if this way back was found, Susan, Lucy, Edmund, and Peter could return, too. I looked at Lucy who subtly shook her head. She must have noticed as well but remained silent. The mood at the table had grown icy.

“And if you don’t mind”, Edmund said, leaning forward, “I’d like to show you around a bit. I’m free today, without preparations and appointments.” Lucy shot him a glance before she nodded. “I’m going to help Susan. Maybe we find something that’ll be of help.” Susan looked at her and smiled, but Peter’s look had gone back to stern.

“We can meet here again for the first exchange of information. Lunch will be served, too.”

“He sounds like a real king.”, I said to Edmund, as we left the hall together. The silence between us was disturbing, so I thought I could try my best and do some small talk. He smiled.

“Peter does his best. It’s not an easy job to be the king of such a huge world.” He sounded experienced as he said that, crossing his hands behind his back. I examined him closely and then shrugged.

“I bet you and I can only imagine, right?” As I said this he turned around and scanned me. His dark eyes seemed amused but he then nodded.

“How right you are. Susan and Lucy are good queens and I am honoured to be part of all this.”, he said and turned around again but without leaving me out of sight.

“You… you seem human. I…” His laugh interrupted me and my cheeks grew bright red. “I don’t mean to be rude. I just want to understand.”, I said hasty and he still giggled as he answered: “No, please, go ahead and ask whatever you want to ask.”

“Were you born here? Did you come here with the others? What… are you? As in, what is your occupation?” All these questions burst out of me before I could hold myself back and as I looked at Edmund, whose eyebrows were raised, a look of subtle amusement still on his face, I bit my lower lip. My mom would have been furious with me if she caught me talking to a young man like that. So I silently added a “Sorry” and hoped for the best.

But when I looked up he smiled. “I am human. I am from earth, from… your world. Let’s say I know the others for a very long time and happened to be with them when they came to Narnia. I am here to help wherever possible and have the position of a royal counsellor or advisor.” He slipped his hands into his pockets and stopped in front of a door. “Anything else?”, he asked and I shook my head, a little perplex about how easy he took all these questions.

“Then come on. We’ve got a lot to see.”, he held the door open for me and it lead me to the most beautiful garden I’d ever seen. The sun was shining and the flowers were in full bloom. Bees buzzed through the air, followed by bumble bees and little birds. The air smelled like flowers, freshly mown grass, and some smells I’d never encountered before. A fountain framed by flowerbeds made the first big sight, water fell from the mouth of a lion into the basin in which some coins lay on the ground. Behind that the grass softly sloped down the hill, little rows of hedges arranged on both sides of the path that lead into a forest in the far end of the garden. I could see a little garden house on the right and behind it the hill rose until the walls of the castle made up a natural border for the garden. Ivy grew on there, covering the stone.

“Wow…”, I whispered as I walked out of the castle into the garden. I recognised some flowers from home and saw others which looked wild and unfamiliar but beautiful nevertheless. The trees, even though in the far back of the garden, were huge – bigger than any tree I’ve ever seen in England. At the foot of one big tree I could see leaves swirling through the air and – wait a second. “Did those leaves just turn into a human?”, I asked Edmund, who now stood beside me, looking over the grounds.

“They are called Dryads. They live in trees.”, he explained and I nodded, as if this was the simplest thing to know. “Come on, I want to show you the practise grounds.”, Edmund said after a short pause and we walked through the garden, down the little slope and made our way to a part, where the grass was trimmed and targets were erected, at least 100 yards away from where we stood.

“Susan and Lucy train their archery here. Also shooting with a crossbow is a discipline that can be practiced here. For the sword fighting we have inner courtyards, but also…”, and here he pointed at a further end of the meadow, where a little tent stood, “an opportunity to train outside. Come, I want to show you something.”

We walked down the slope and when we halted next to the tent, I could hear the ocean. And suddenly I saw that the meadow ended and steep ledge lead down right to the water.

“Wow”, I whispered and stepped closer to the edge. My gaze wandered over the water, that sparkled in the morning sun, a bright blue. Although it looked nothing like home, my heart grew heavy. The wind blew away my blond hair and I felt my eyes itching with tears.

“Mom and I always went to the sea during the summer.”, I mumbled. Although this bright blue looked nothing like the stormy grey I was used to, memories started to pull me back in. “We would collect the nicest pebbles and stones and tried to stack them as high as we could. Then… the war came.”

I felt a tear running down my cheek and suddenly Edmund’s hand touched my shoulder. “One only starts to cherish the things one has when they’re gone.”, he said. I looked up to him, his smile was sad, but he seemed to know what he was talking about.

“Do you ever get used to this? Being away without the possibility to get back?”, I asked.

“Not really”, he mumbled. The wind blew through his hair as well and I could see a few freckles on his nose and forehead.

“I’m sorry”, I said quietly. “It must be weird to talk to someone like me, when you got used to live here now.”

He chuckled lightly, facing the sea again. “You never get accustomed to it, not really. Not me.”

His expression grew grave and he turned around, waving me with him. “How good are you at horseback riding?”

I got the answer to that question an hour later and it was: not good.

Horses are very majestic creatures. That’s at least what I always thought of them. They’re huge and fast and beautiful, but riding a horse is something entirely different. Especially if you’re supposed to ride on a sidesaddle – something I’d never done before. There were a million things one needed to concentrate on. The reins, your back, your feet, your hips, the horse’s step, the surroundings, yours arms and your fingers. Also, one should not constantly look down.

Edmund told me all these things, repeatedly. In a calm, slightly amused manner.

“Oh shit”, I cursed as I tried to brush a strand of my hair out of my eyes and hit myself in the face with the reins. That made Edmund laugh.

“Sorry? I should not swear so much.”

“What? No, that’s great. It’s so natural. It does not seem like you’re wearing a mask or put up a show. You’re simply yourself.”

“Yeah, what about it?”, I asked, sitting up straight again and monitoring the horse from above, trying to gain back my posture.

“It’s so unusual around here.”

When I dared to look away from my horse, I saw Edmund smiling at me. I felt my stomach drop a little, but it could as well have been the horse’s fault, because it used this moment of unattendance bolted forwards and went into trot and then galloped straight forward. Since Edmund and I hadn’t discussed what to do in a situation similar to this, I shrieked and pulled the reins closer to my body, but not upwards. I froze and pressed my leg against the horse and leaned in the other direction, trying to not fall off.

“It’s alright”, I heard Edmund’s voice and suddenly his hand pulled on my reins, took them and then the horse… stopped. He was on his own horse, I can’t remember how he did it – how he got up there so fast, but the horses now stood next to each other and he looked at me, concerned.

“Are you alright?”

“I wish… shit, that was scary!”

And then, he giggled. “You’re right. Let’s get you off there now. We may continue another day, what do you say?”

He slid of his horse and held a hand out to me and when my hand touched his and our eyes met, I couldn’t help but feel a little warmer, a little safer, a little more like being in Narnia was not that bad after all.

[shadow-light19]

Stay With Me

Summary: For all the shit Max likes to give David, he doesn’t actually hate him. Sure, he’s an over-optimistic, hippy, dumbass that can’t seem to understand the fact that the world’s not perfect, there will always be someone who will screw you over, and we’re all going to die one day, but David makes it bearable. No one else cared about him like he did.

Notes: This story takes place after the Parent’s Day episode in Camp Camp. David adopts Max after finding out about Max’s neglect and Gwen is unofficially his Mom.

“Good morning, campers! Isn’t today just a beautiful day?” David greeted the campers from the kitchen as they entered the Mess Hall for breakfast.

A chorus of tired voices, and one excited one, responded back. Max sighed as he carried his tray over to his usual spot where Neil and Nikki were already sitting. Mashed potatoes and coffee. What a great breakfast. Instead of eating, Max boredly pushed his potatoes around with his fork while drinking his coffee. Nikki was shoveling as much food as she could in her mouth, and Neil was halfheartedly poking at his potatoes while he chewed an apple.

David walked into the mess hall and stood happily with his hands on his hips. “I have a fun activity for us planned today! The weather forecast for tonight mentioned there will be a big storm, so I thought we could go on a refreshing morning hike, picnic in the forest, and then return to camp before the storm hits to watch a movie here in the Mess Hall. We’ll all meet out front once you’re ready to go!”

Most of the campers groaned at that. “How exciting! We get to go on a quest! Maybe I’ll get the chance to cast a weather charm if the storm catches up with us before we get back!” Nerris exclaimed.

Nikki was jumping up and down in her seat. “Ooo! Maybe we’ll get to see a bear! Or a snake! Or a wolf!” Neil and Max looked at her in bewilderment.

“No way! The last thing I want to do today is encounter a wild animal and almost die. Haven’t we had enough stupid shit happen to us?” Neil glared at his plate.

Max rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Camp’s been boring lately anyway since that shit-stain Campbell was arrested. I wouldn’t mind watching someone get mauled for entertainment.”

He carried his tray off to the kitchen and placed it in the sink. “Hiya, Max! Are you excited to go hiking today?” David ruffled Max’s hair. Max glared at him and knocked his hand away.

“Yeah, David, I am so fucking excited to go hiking. You know what? I hope when we go camping today you get mauled by bears. Then I won’t have to put up with your annoying attitude for a while.” Max grimaced as David chuckled at his threat.

“You just need to experience it first, and then you’ll love hiking. I was the same way you know?” Max rolled his eyes and walked out of the kitchen with his hands in his hoodie pocket. “You told me that story before. God, you’re so fucking annoying.”

 Once everyone finished up eating breakfast, they set off on the hiking trail. Gwen and David were leading the group with Max and friends trailing behind the rest. They walked like that through the forest for several hours. The further they went, the more the path inclined higher and broke for lunch beside a large, fast-moving river.

“Okay, everyone! Let’s go ahead and set up for lunch here! Nikki, can you help me lay down the blankets? Nerris and Harrison, could you guys help Gwen prepare the sandwiches?”

David slung his backpack to the ground and pulled out several thin blankets. Nikki yelled in joy as she lunged at the pile and popped out with a blanket over her head. Nerris and Harrison pulled out the ingredients and started making sandwiches with Gwen. Everyone else situated themselves on the blankets as Nikki and David laid them flat.

Neil, Nikki, and Max were all chatting quietly together at one of the blankets. Max turned to ask David if they were going to do anything else in the area when he noticed David and Gwen muttering softly together by the river while looking concerned. Max quietly approached them while trying to listen in.

“..should get going. I don’t like the look of those clouds.” Gwen murmured.

She glanced back at the path as if trying to gauge in her mind the fastest way back. David continued to frown at the clouds.

“This must be a fast-moving storm. I saw the Altocumulus clouds as we were leaving. They generally indicate thunderstorms 6-12 hours before they occur, but it’s only been 4. We shouldn’t be seeing Nimbostratus clouds yet.”

“Since when could you read clouds?”

David startled at Max’s voice. He relaxed a little when Max’s face only showed grudging curiosity.

“It’s important as a camper to be able to read the clouds in order to determine storms or other weather patterns. Nimbostratus clouds are those dark gray clouds you always see before a heavy rain. In general, clouds that are low to the ground are more likely to signify rain or storm conditions. I’ll have to teach you guys these signs the next time there is a storm coming. I can’t show you the warning clouds since they are already gone.”

Max frowned. For once, that might actually be a useful camp activity. He’d certainly use that more often than fishing or tying knots.

“So, you’re admitting that you fucked up, and we need to get back to camp as soon as possible, or we’re going to be caught in some God-forsaken storm?”

David winced at the phrasing. “I wouldn’t say it like that. No one can predict nature accurately, I just thought we had more time to make it back.” Max raised a brow at him. “So, you fucked up.”

David sighed, “Alright, I made a mistake. We need to start packing up, though. The wind is starting to pick up already, and I’d like to make it back before it starts to rain.” David clapped his hands together.

“Okay, everyone, we are going to need your help packing up. The storm is catching up with us right now, and we need to hurry if we want to get back before it hits.”

The other kids looked up at the sky before clambering to gather everything together. As they Nikki and Neil getting up, the wind picked up their blanket and blew it in Max’s face. Max flinched when the blanket hit him and stumbled backward, falling into the river.

“MAX!” David cried out as Max went under. Max wrestled the blanket off him and resurfaced, but the river was already carrying him away. “DAVID!” Max screamed. “Get the kids back to camp, Gwen! I’ll rescue Max!” David didn’t wait for a reply as he chased after him.

Max struggled to keep his head above water. He was starting to get tired, and it didn’t help that his hoodie was dragging him down. As he coughed out water, he saw David falling further and further behind.

“Max! Try to swim towards the bank! Don’t swim against the current, you’ll tire yourself out! Once you’re close enough to the bank, I’ll grab you!” Max wasn’t sure how he’d do that, but he trusted that David wouldn’t let him drown and started paddling for the bank. He wasn’t able to get very close, though, as the current was too strong. David chucked his bag to the side and dived into the water.

“DAVID!” Max yelled in fear.

 He watched as David swam strongly towards him and maneuvered Max to his back so that he could use both hands to swim to the bank. Max was exhausted and held on with no complaint. David’s arms churned through the river until he finally pulled them back onto the bank. The two collapsed on the ground, coughing out some of the water they accidentally swallowed.

“Are you alright, Max?” David rubbed Max’s back as he continued to cough. Max was trembling with terror, cold, and exhaustion. “W-what the fuck do you think you m-moron? I almost fucking d-drowned!”

David picked up Max in a piggyback carry. Max didn’t try to fight it. It felt nice that David cared enough about him to put his comfort first. David walked back in the direction they came from. Max tiredly burrowed his face into David’s shoulder.

“Why are we heading back up? Camp’s the other way dumbass.”

David glanced at Max for a moment before scanning the trees to the side of the river.

“I was carrying my pack with me when I ran after you. The river carried us pretty far out from the path, so I want to find the pack since we’ll probably get caught in the storm. I have food, water, and some raincoats in there.”

David carried Max in silence as they made their way back up the river. It took them 15 minutes to find the pack, and by then, the forest was starting to get dark. He could see the rain was still several yards away but knew that their best option would be to head in the direction of camp while looking for something that could act as a shelter.

 Max woke up to the feeling of light tapping on his shoulder. “The fuck?” Max rubbed his eyes with his hands. He realized he was still being carried by David, but he was also sitting in a sling made from a garish yellow raincoat. David had taken to carrying his pack in his arms.

“Put me down, jackass. How long was I asleep for?” Max slid down from David’s back and glared at the ground in embarrassment. He was relieved when David made no mention of it. “A little over an hour. We are about halfway back to camp, but it’s starting to drizzle. You should put this raincoat on.”

Max took the bright yellow raincoat from him and slipped it on. It was getting cold from the wind. David slung the pack on his shoulders after putting on a similar raincoat himself.

“Stay away from the trees, okay? They can act like lightning rods, so follow the middle of the path as best as possible.” David put an arm around Max’s shoulder and gently pushed him forward, Max swatted his hand away but started moving in the direction David had indicated.

“This hiking trip has been nothing but absolute shit. I can’t believe you thought it would be a good idea.” David sighed,” I’m sorry this happened. I should’ve known better than to try to go hiking before a storm. I can’t believe a put you all in danger like that.”

Max frowned. He hated it when David berated himself like that. “Whatever, you dumb shit. Like you said earlier, you didn’t know.” David gave Max a small smile. “Thanks, Max.” Max turned red at the sincerity in his voice.

“I only said that because you’re an annoying piece of shit when you’re sad.” David chuckled, “I know that’s Max-speak for ‘I don’t like seeing you upset.’” Max sputtered, “Don’t read into it! You’re deluding yourself!”

Max darted forward in an attempt to put some distance between himself and David, as David tried to ruffle his hair. Just as he did that, lightning struck a tree off to the side. The two flinched and covered their eyes from the blinding flash of light.

CRACK!

Max looked up at noticed the upper half of the tree falling right where he was standing.

“MAX!”

THUMP!

Max groaned as he was shoved backward and landed hard on his rear, eyes clenched in pain. He rubbed his butt as he stood up, opened his eyes, and saw the mass of tree branches on the ground in front of him.

“Fuck, that almost killed me! Dammit, David, this adventure really takes the fucking cake!” Max frowned when he didn’t reply. “David?” His eyes widened. He rushed towards the tree and started showing branches out of the way.

“David?!” Max called again. Yet again, no one answered. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he pulled more branches away and got closer to the trunk of the tree. Finally, he could barely make out a bright yellow raincoat in front of the trunk. “David? You fucking bastard, you better answer me!”

Max started pulling at the branches covering David, trying to break them off so he could see him better. After a couple of attempts, Max was able to bend enough of the branches to uncover David’s head. He was lying unconscious on the left side of his face. The back and side of his head were sticky with blood, and his legs were trapped under the trunk of the tree. The tree wasn’t very big, but it was too heavy for Max to move. He could feel tears slipping down his cheeks as he smacked David’s cheek a couple of times, but he still didn’t wake. The rain started to come down harder. Max huddled against David’s unconscious body and sobbed.

“You can’t fucking leave me, David! You promised when you adopted me that you wouldn’t leave me like my shitty parents did! You can’t break your fucking promise, you hear me, David?!”

Max tried shaking him, but he still wouldn’t wake up. He put his hand to David’s mouth, feeling David’s warm breath on his freezing wet hand. It was the only assurance he had that David was alive.

“You’re the only one who fucking cares about me. You can’t leave me alone, Dad…”

 Max wasn’t sure how long he sat there with David. It was really dark out due to the thick storm clouds. He had gotten colder as the rain turned into a downpour and had pulled out the two spare blankets from the picnic. He wrapped himself in one underneath his raincoat so it wouldn’t get wet, and then tried his best to shove another underneath David’s coat to keep him warm.

David was freezing, and as more time passed, Max started to become more panicked that David wouldn’t make it. He had also found some bandages in the backpack that he used to wrap David’s head wound. It had taken a while for Max to get it to stop bleeding. The rain prevented the gash from clotting, and the bandages kept slipping from David’s wet hair. He had to put pressure on it and winced when David whined in pain. It wasn’t enough to wake him up, though. Finally, after who knew who long, the rain started to let up.

Max clutched a flashlight to his chest as he reached a hand out to check on Davis again. He was still breathing, but it was weak and shallow. David was icy cold from the rain and from lying on the ground for so long. Max smacked David’s cheek again and jumped when he got a groan in response.

“David?!” David’s eyes fluttered, and he cracked them open. “W-what? M-Max?” He whispered. Tears formed in Max’s eyes again as he was hit with an overwhelming sense of relief and joy. “DAVID!” Max hugged David’s head tightly.

David winced at the shout. He tried to push himself up but was gently held down by Max. “Don’t move, you fucking bastard! A fucking tree fell on your sorry ass, and your legs are stuck in the trunk.”

David sighed and went limp. “A-are you okay?” Max glared at him. “Why are you worried about me? You’re the self-sacrificial asshole who pushed me out of the way. I seriously thought you were dead when you wouldn’t respond!” David opened his eyes partially and glanced up at Max.

“You didn’t a-answer my question.” The kid looked away. “…I’m fine. Just fucking cold.” David frowned when he noted Max was shivering. “Leave m-me here, Max. Get back to camp, and then you c-can send Gwen or someone to come get me. You’re g-going to get sick.”

Max shook his head.

“You idiot! If I leave you alone, you’ll probably get attacked by a wild animal or something! Where’s your phone? I couldn’t get it wherever it is; I can call Gwen to come get us.”

David shakily lifted a hand and brought it to the pants pocket on the opposite side of Max. He managed to get it out of the pocket but couldn’t lift it up. Max reached between a couple of branches and grabbed it. While the screen was cracked, it still worked. He pulled up David’s speed dial and clicked on Gwen’s name.

“David?! Where the fuck are you? Why aren’t you at the camp yet?!”

“Gwen! Shut the fuck up! I need you to get help. David is trapped under a fucking tree, and we are still an hour away from camp.” Max heard her suck in a breath.

“Goddammit! How injured is he?”

Max bit his lip. “He got hit on the back of his thick-ass skull, and the tree landed on his legs. He’s really cold too. I don’t know how much longer he’s going to last out here.”

The camper glanced at David, who was lying on the side of his face with his eyes closed. “David! Wake the fuck up! You can’t fall asleep!” He heard Gwen curse again over the phone.

“I already called a search and rescue. They went looking for you guys half an hour ago. You’ve been missing for four hours now. Just stay put and shout for help every now and then. With how bad the storm was, you probably don’t have to worry about any wild animals, but be careful not to make too much noise regardless.”

“Thanks, Gwen. I’m glad you’re here.” Max could feel his throat getting clogged with emotion.

“Keep him awake for me, okay squirt? I can’t run this camp without him.”

He chuckled wetly. “Bye.” Max hung up and put the phone in his pocket. He turned back to David, who still had a far-away look in his eyes. “David, I need you to stay with me, okay?”

David blinked a couple of times, and his eyes refocused on Max. “Okay, anything for you, Max.” Max felt a lump in his throat. "Anything? Then you better fucking survive this, okay? Promise me you won’t fucking die!”

Max grasped David’s hand in his own. “I promise. I’m so glad you're safe.” David smiled. “Why do you care about me so much?” David frowned. “What do you mean, Max?” Max could feel the tears burning in his eyes again.

“Why do you c-care so much about me? My p-parents didn’t fucking want me because I was a burden to them! I was such an a-asshole to you during camp, and yet you still w-wanted me when no one else did. What do you see in me that makes you think you should waste your s-stupid feelings on me?”

David lifted his hand out of Max’s hold and placed it on his head. He slowly petted Max. “You’re a good kid, Max. Your parents were pieces of shit who didn’t deserve you. I love you, Max. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re happy. I’ll make up for everything they did to you because you are my son.”

Max sobbed loudly at David’s words. “I love you too, Dad.” David wiped the tears from Max’s eyes. His hand was shaking, and he slowly lowered it to the ground. Max grabbed it with an urgency he’d never felt before. “Dad! Stay awake! Please!” David smiled at him.

“I love you so much.” He whispered before his eyes closed again. “DAD!” Max started smacking his cheek again. “Wake up! W-wake up! W-wake u-up!” David’s breath was getting really shallow.

“SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!” Max screamed as loud as he could.

“PLEASE! I NEED HELP!”

“ANYONE!”

A loud thrumming noise kicked up nearby. He looked up and saw a bright light combing the forest before alighting on their huddled figures. Max clung to David as a group of men burst through the trees.

“Hey, kid?” Max looked up at the man who had kneeled down beside him. “We are here to help. We need to get you two to the hospital, but I’m gonna need you to move alright?”

Max nodded. He reluctantly let go of David, making no protest when he was picked up and carried up the helicopter by another rescue squad member. While he was carried up the rope ladder, Max watched as the remaining members worked together to lift the tree off of David.

 Max couldn’t stop staring at David’s prone form on their way to the hospital. The EMTs had notified Gwen that they had been found and that David was in critical condition. He was suffering from hypovolemic shock from the blood loss, hypothermia from the rain combined with the loss of blood, broken legs, cracked ribs, and a gash on the back of his head. It was a miracle that he was still alive. Max was seated next to David, wrapped in a blanket and an IV in his arm. He only suffered from slight hypothermia and dehydration.

When they arrived at the hospital, Max threw a fit as they wheeled David into surgery. He was inconsolable until Gwen arrived in the ER waiting room. She held him close as they waited for news on David.

“He’ll be alright, Max. He’s stronger than he looks. Besides, he’s dedicated the rest of his life to making you happy. He knows that you need him, so of course, he’ll be fine.”

Max burrowed his face into her shoulder. He couldn’t find the energy to cry anymore. “I can’t lose him, Gwen. He’s the only fucking family I have.” Gwen’s arms tightened around him.

“You won’t lose him. You gotta believe in him. The next time he wakes up, he’ll be that insufferably cheery guy who believes in the best in everything.”

They sat together for hours until a doctor walked into the waiting room. “I’m looking for the family of David?”

Gwen and Max jump up from their seats. “We’re here for David! How is he?” Gwen clasps Max’s hand in hers, and Max squeezes it in return.

“David was in critical condition when he arrived. However, we were able to successfully treat his injuries. He’ll be out of it for a couple of days due to his pain medication, and he’ll need to refrain from physical activity for a couple of months, but all-in-all he’ll make a sound recovery.”

The two sighed in relief. “He’s been placed in room 279 of the ICU for now. He’ll be moved when we know he’s out of the woods for sure.”

Max couldn’t restrain a soft chuckle and the camping idiom. Gwen thanked the doctor and led Max up to David’s room. “Now Max, I know you’re not going to want to leave David alone, and I need to head back to camp. Is there anything you want me to bring when I come to visit tomorrow?”

Max was thankful that Gwen was so understanding. “Can you bring Mr. Honeynuts and some clothes? Oh, David will want his guitar, and I want some paper and some color pencils as well.” Gwen rubbed Max’s hair. “Gotcha squirt. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Max climbed into David’s bed as Gwen left. He had to be careful of David’s legs, which were in casts and suspended from the ceiling, as well as the tubes that were connected to his arm and oxygen mask on his face. He curled up under the blankets against David’s side and fell asleep, knowing that David would be okay.

 Max woke up to the sound of knocking the next morning. He blearily rubbed his eyes as a nurse came in. “Good morning, Max! How are you feeling today?” Max glared at the woman.

“Just peachy. I almost fucking drowned yesterday, got stuck in the fucking storm for hours, and had to deal with the emotional fucking trauma of thinking my Dad was going to die.”

The nurse chuckled nervously. “I meant in regards to your recovery from hypothermia and exhaustion.” Max flipped her off. The nurse sighed and went to check on David’s vitals.

“What are you doing anyway?” The nurse didn’t look up from her clipboard. “I am writing down his vitals in order to keep a log of his recovery. I’m going to wake him up so he can eat something. What would you like from the Cafeteria? They can make you pancakes, omelets, or muffins.”

Max’s eyes lit up. “Pancakes and muffins! With hash browns and coffee!” The nurse wrote it down before she gently shook David’s shoulder. “David? Time to wake up!” David grunted, and his eyes fluttered open.

“What?” His eyesight was blurry, but he could make out a mop of dark hair and a blue hoodie. “Max!” David tried to sit up, wincing in pain when it put pressure on his cracked ribs. “Don’t try to get up, David. You cracked your ribs when the tree fell on you.”

The nurse helped David lay back. Max was too choked up with emotion to reprimand him. David’s eyesight cleared up after he blinked several times. He furrowed his eyebrows in worry when he saw Max.

“Are you okay, son?” The nurse snuck out of the room when Max started to sob. “You fucking dumbass! Don’t you ever fucking do that again!” Max carefully hugged David and cried into his hospital gown. David smiled softly and combed his hair with his hand.

“You scared the fucking shit out of me. I thought you were going to die after you stopped talking, and I was so sure that you would be dead by the time help arrived. You even made Gwen cry!” David pulled Max close to him.

“I’m sorry I worried you both. I saw the tree falling towards you and just reacted. You mean so much to me, Max, and I’d do anything to protect you.” Max sniffed and clenched David’s gown tighter.

“Gwen’s supposed to come by sometime today. She’s bringing us some stuff since you’ll be here for a while. You’re not allowed to do anything considered physical activities for a couple of months. It’s a good punishment since that means you can’t do most camping activities for a while.”

David chuckled. “I can still supervise! I’ll need an assistant though if you want to help. That way, we can still participate in activities together.” Max laughed. “I take it back. I missed you more when you were asleep.”

The two started laughing together until David’s ribs hurt too much, and he started coughing. Max worriedly hovered over David until he reassured him he was fine. There was knocking on the door again, and they were surprised to see Gwen poke her head in.

“David! You’re awake!” She ran up to the bed and carefully hugged the two. “Hiya, Gwen! It’s lovely to see you!” David greeted. Max rolled his eyes. “Hey, Gwen? Where’s the shit you promised to bring?”

Gwen was happy to see that Max was acting more like his old self. “I left it in the hall in case you guys were still sleeping. I brought everything you asked for as well as a couple of other things.” David and Max looked at each other in surprise before watching Gwen carry in a large bag and the guitar around her shoulder.

“My guitar!” David cheered. “I also brought the change in clothes, your bear, and…” She plopped the bag on a chair by the window. “The kids made get well cards for you both!”

She pulled out to stacks of cards, neatly bundled with a rubber band. She handed one to Max and the other to David. They unwound the rubber bands and flipped through to see handmade cards from everybody. Max felt a rush of affection when he saw his best friends’ cards. Nikki had glued sticks and leaves into a stick figure of the trio as well as Gwen and David like a family while Neil had drawn out a similar design but with color pencils and a note wishing them well.

He looked up at David and saw he had tears in his eyes from the gesture of his own cards. Gwen dug out some clothes, and Mr. Honeynuts and handed them to Max. When Max walked out of the bathroom after changing, they heard another knock at the door.

The nurse walked in and smiled when she saw Gwen. “Good morning, miss! I’m David’s nurse. How are you doing?”

The nurse pulled over a tray on wheels and placed Max’s breakfast on it. She also placed a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of water on the tray as well, which Max assumed was David’s meal. Gwen shook her hand.

“I’m Gwen, and I’m doing much better now that they’re alright. How long do you think it’ll be before David can get discharged?” The nurse looked at his chart. “I’d say a week, and then we can be released as long as he stays in a wheelchair and takes it easy.”

Everyone was relieved at that. Max climbed up the bed and pulled the tray close. He placed David’s on his lap and then dug into his own with gusto. David tried to lift up his spoon, but he was still shaky from the day before. Gwen took the spoon from David’s hand and held it up to his mouth.

David look astonished before he accepted her help. Max sent her a knowing look to which she responded with a wink. They both knew David would be too dense to figure the gesture out on his own. The nurse left after putting more painkiller in the IV.

Gwen helped David finish the last of his oatmeal, and the three chatted until David dozed off from the medication. “You know you’re going to have to straight out say it if you want him to know you like him. “

Gwen ruffled his hair. “Duh, but that’s what I like about him. Do you want the paper and color pencils now that he’s asleep?” Max nodded. He wanted to make David a get-well card as well. Gwen grabbed the items out of the bag she brought and handed it to Max.

“I have to get back to the camp now. Can’t leave it alone with the quartermaster for too long, or he might kill someone. I’ll come back tomorrow, and you have David’s phone in case of emergencies.” Max “Uh-uh. See ya tomorrow, then!”

Gwen waved and then headed out. Max spent a while working on the card for David. He wanted to let David know he cared, but he didn’t want it to sound stupid. When he set it on David’s lap. It had a drawing of David, Gwen and himself together on the front and the inside read, You need to get better so we can do another stupid family thing.

 To Max and David, the week it took for David to get released took forever. David had been moved to a general room after his 3rd day in the hospital. Max had gotten bored being stuck there all day but refused to leave David’s side for longer than an hour. He had taken to pranking some of the nurses and David or Gwen had to apologize profusely every time it happened. Finally, David was released from the hospital on the condition he stays in the wheelchair and rest for the next couple months.

When David’s car pulled up to the camp that evening, he was touched to see the campers were all standing outside waiting for him. There was a banner hanging in the Mess Hall saying ‘Welcome Back!’ that was slightly misspelled and drowned in glitter. Max pulled out the wheelchair from the trunk, and Gwen opened the passenger door for him.

“Hiya, everyone! What a wonderful surprise! I think this is the best camp greeting I’ve ever received!” Gwen wheeled David into the Mess Hall. “Now I know last week during the storm you wanted to have us all watch a movie and camp out in here. We decided we would do that today as a welcome back celebration!”

Dolph and Nurf pulled out the projector, Preston set up the screen, and Ered, Neil, and Nerris grabbed some snacks from the kitchen. Max grabbed a blanket from David’s room while the remaining campers set up blankets and sleeping bags on the floor. Max threw the blanket over David’s shoulders and climbed into his lap.

He was still a bit clingy from the incident, but nobody blamed him for acting so strangely. It reassured him that David was alive and well. David wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and the end’s together in front of him to cover Max as well. He rested his head on top of Max’s and grinned when the movie was Disney’s Oliver and Company.

Everyone had fun watching together and laughing at David when he cried multiple times during the movie. Max called him a wimp, and David would laugh and hug him in response. After the movie was over, everyone got ready for bed. The quartermaster had brought his mattress into the room so that David wouldn’t injure himself further.

The kids all said goodnight and had fallen asleep in places as close to David as possible. Nikki was asleep at the foot of his bed, curled up like a wolf in her sleeping bag. Max had fallen asleep, curled up in the middle of the bed. David was almost asleep when he felt the bed dip on the opposite edge.

He opened his eyes and was amazed to see Gwen getting comfortable. David sent her a confused look, so as not to wake the campers, and turned beet red when Gwen leaned forward and kissed him. Gwen affectionately rolled her eyes when David gave her the starriest-eyed smiled ever. The two turned to face Max and cuddled as him as they fell asleep.

[chrishansler]

24604

This is my last night in this house. It is empty. It is quiet. And it has the same peace, the same sense of “home” it always has. We’ve lived in this house for 24 ½ years. Nine months after moving our young family back here from California, nine months into a new church plant, we bought this brand new home in “Orchard Park” at 24604 57th Ave. E. in Graham. Lisa and I were 30. Bobby was 5, Johnathan was 3 and Annie was 2. It was exciting. The paint was fresh, the front lawn was new and the yard was big! We had no plants, no trees, no back or side yards, no fence – just a nice patch of grass in the front of the house and a vision for what could be.

The yard was full of rocks like all of Graham soil, so we paid our kids 1 cent per rock if they picked them out of the back yard and piled them in the back. 😊 We didn’t have any money so I build a dirt sifter and I raked and sifted rocks out. Raking and sifting, raking and sifting. I was occasionally able to buy a truck load of sandy loam soil to spread in the back yard, and our friend and new church board member, Duane Nelson worked for Emerald Turf farms. So sometimes at the end of the work day he would take a pallet of sod that they were throwing out and bring it to me. So I would plant some seed, lay some sod and do what we had to do to create a back yard we would love. For a long time it wasn’t pretty. It was like a patchwork quilt of every shade of green and brown throughout the back yard. And we still didn’t have any trees. But that would soon change.

Mom and Dad were selling their house on Golden Given so I took their young Northern Spy apple tree. They had some wild evergreen starts growing in their back woods, so I took some 3’ Douglas fir, a couple of Cedar tree sprouts and a little pine tree. Working for Northwest Building services I had the opportunity to take a couple of beautiful Sunset Red maple trees out of a strip mall that was renovating and getting rid of them. It took a flatbed and six guys to move those trees. One went in the front yard, and one in the back corner on top of an area that had been raised by all the rocks we raked and moved. I took one of Debi’s rhododendrons that Mom Hansler had planted when she lived in that house. Eventually our yard began to take shape with vine maples from mom & dad’s new property, as well as a dark red ornamental hazelnut tree and a beautiful mountain ash that mom gave me. We built our cedar fence and we planted pear, apple, peach, cherry, and Asian pear trees.

I built a play house with an attached swing set for the kids. The neighbor boy Torsten peed in that play house. That will forever be his legacy in our minds. I put a little pond in the raised area in the back with little goldfish and koi. We had a little garden on the side of the house. It was the perfect yard for wiffle ball. We would have neighborhood home-run derbies with awards. We played volleyball, badminton and I hit plastic golf balls back there. One time Annie had a party and we played kickball with her friends but one of her big high school friends ran me over at home plate. We had so many great times around the fire out there, looking at the stars, roasting marshmallows, watching movies projected on the back of the house, and even having a live backyard barbecue concert by Rod Nash one time back there!

We had church gatherings in our home. In the early days of our church we had a “small group” at our house with 17 adults and 24 kids. It was nuts, but it was so beautiful and fun. We’d have friends over and play games into the late hours of the night. Our kids played hard – sometimes too hard, sliding down the stairs in sleeping bags and leaving dents in the front door that I can still see as a glance over there – happy little memory dents.

We had the perfect yard for dogs – large and fully fenced. But it wasn’t enough for Dottie, our first Springer Spaniel. She was fast, she could jump high, and she was naughty. She would jump the 4’ fence like it was nothing and she wasn’t always nice to the neighbors so I had to build her a dog house to try to contain her. It didn’t. She got out and had a one-night stand with a stray neighbor dog, horrifying all of the neighborhood children who witnessed it. Dottie went to live with a nice elderly couple who would let her live inside their house. So we got Jill. Jill was a good dog, but mom and dad needed a dog so Jill became dad’s dog. Jack was the first black lab I ever owned. He was also the first big dog I ever let live inside the house. Jack was a big, lumbering, always-panting friend to everyone. He was truly the “best dog of all the dogs.” He loved the back yard. And now, no dog has ever loved our yard like JJ loves our yard – chasing squirrels, driving out crows and catching frisbees. It is his domain.

But it wasn’t only dogs at this home. We had Misty – the beautiful, albeit sometimes cranky, cat. Skitty – a stray neighborhood cat that we sort of adopted. Furball was a great little gray cat. But he liked to be inside and outside. He always got excited when we came home, until that fateful day when I didn’t seem him as I pulled in the garage with all of the kids in the suburban. It was terrible to lose him. We buried him near Misty in the back yard. That loss resulted in getting two half-brothers, Shadow and Fuzzball – loving, independent cats. Fuzzball is sitting next to me on one side and JJ on the other on this last night in the house.  We have also had fish in the pond, and those fish attracted raccoons, a big grey heron and a bald eagle! And I have loved watching the countless chickadees, finches, pine-siskins, sparrows and swallows. John always had swallow babies in the birdhouse mounted next to his bedroom window.

And on Christmas our house stole the neighborhood show. The streaming lights down from the star, the driveway lights, the post lights, the light-post Christmas tree, the snowman, the outdoor music and the nativity from Pastor Gene. Sometimes God would even give us a little snow to make it really pop.

The kids grew up here. The house was literally their classroom for many years. They each had their own space and they made it their own. John with his video games, K’nex and candy; Bob with his music, maps and reading; and Annie with her entrepreneurial spirit – with ever changing wall colors, clothing designs and even selling candy out of her room to the boys for a profit one time. So much laughter rang through these walls.

When we bought the house Lisa and I thought it was significant that we were right in the center – perhaps to make a little difference in the neighbor’s lives around us. Lisa quickly made a best friend in Pam Davis, and our kids played together. We remember Blain & Cindy, Luke and the twins; Gary & Kim across the street, Jim & Sharon and Kelly & Iris. Kelly still lives here too, and I said goodbye to him today. I married Steve & Brenda in their home. We tried to show love to Jeff & crazy Wendy behind us – even paying for and building a fence for them with some church friends. I used to walk the neighborhood and pray with Len Phillips. Adam & Nikke, Chloe, Lila, Amelia and now Josiah  have been such great neighbors – taking care of our animals when we’re gone; sharing sugar, eggs, flour; letting each other in countless times when we locked ourselves out, and always shouting “hi” from wherever they were. We’re really going to miss them. Maybe we made a little difference here. I hope so.

I’ve prayed every day in this house. I’ve prayed for Lisa and each of our kids. I’ve drafted vision here for new adventures that have become reality. I’ve wept over heartache, disappointment and loss. I’ve sat by the pond and just listened so many times. I’ll miss walking my dog to Centennial, talking to God, listening to scripture as I go.

This year has been really, really tough. When dad died I came home and walked through these trees that grew in his yard originally, and they reminded me of his deep roots, his love for outdoors and beauty, and his quiet strength. Mom needs help – she needs to be with family. And this week, as we were preparing for our move, Bonnie died of cancer. Then, within the hour of Bonnie’s passing, Lisa received biopsy results confirming breast cancer. We haven’t really been able to savor these last days here because we are trying to survive some pretty devastating news. But we will miss it here. It has always been a place I couldn’t wait to get to. I’m so grateful for that.

Tomorrow we will begin new dreams in a new place. There will be new trees to plant, new fruit to harvest, new friends and new places to walk, run and ride our bikes to. Maybe this will be a place where our kids-in-law come and grandkids. That place will ring with love and laughter to. We will share life with mom there for a while. I will walk with Lisa as she beats cancer in a new neighborhood. She says that in that community it “always feels like a vacation.” That is my hope – that it will be a refuge for us, for our kids and family and for our friends.

Now I’m 55, Lisa is 54, Bobby is 29, John is 28 and Annie is 26. The house I sit in tonight is older, the carpets are worn, but the yard is mature and beautiful – full of life and growth. I hope the new owner loves it and enjoys it as much as I have. I hope they mow straight lines in the lawn and put up Christmas lights. I hope they sense the peace here. Thank you God for our home.

[petculiars]

Tips on How To Hang Apples For Birds

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Tips on How To Hang Apples For Birds

Birds are creatures with very unique habits when it comes to what they eat. They will usually fly all over in the search of food that is tasty and full of nutrients.

If you notice a lot of birds flying around your yard and want to offer them a little treat, then hanging apples around for the birds to munch on is something you can do.

Most people won’t spend too much time thinking of how to make birds happy and will just resort to a simple bird feeder full of bird seeds. Although this is a great way of providing food for birds, why not make things a little more interesting for them?

Hanging apples that birds can find and then munch on will be a lot more interesting for them.

Tips on How To Hang Apples for Birds Safely

1. Cut Apples in Half The first thing you will have to do is get some fresh apples and cut them in half one by one.

You might also like my articles on whether birds can suffer from down syndrome, whether birds can get high, and where cardinal birds sleep.

Once you finish cutting apples in half, you will go ahead and dig out the core of each individual apple, leaving just a hollow spot in the middle of each fruit.

You will fill the hollow part of the apple with bird seeds at a point in the future.

You will also have to make sure that you are using clean apples and if they aren’t clean, you should wash them thoroughly beforehand. If the apples are dirty, they might have some parasites on them that would infect the birds and make them get ill.

A quick rinse before starting will usually be enough to make sure you will have clean apples to use for this project.

Once the cores are removed, you can move to the next step.

From this point on you will have a few options to move forward. You can either go the easier route and just stuff the apples with bird seeds, or you can think out of the box and go for some other treats.

If you want to go for some other treats, then it is important to use something that the birds will like to eat. This will depend on the type of birds you have coming to your yard. You don’t even have to fill the empty cores with treats. You can, instead, cover the apples with some other ingredients that the birds will love.

But let’s get on the easy route this time and maybe I`ll make a different article on what else you can add to hanging apples.

2. Stuff Bird Seed Into The Cut Apples

So the next obvious step will be to just stuff those apples with bird seeds.

You will place the bird seeds inside the hollow area located inside the apple. You will first have to place the seeds inside the apple until it is full and then use something solid to stuff the clump so it doesn’t fall right off when you hang the apples. Bird seeds have a great quality of almost instantly attracting wild birds, meaning that it won’t take long for some birds to start flying over your years and over the hanging apples.

The seeds should be properly placed inside the apple so that they won’t fall off even when the apple is moving slowly.

3. Put in Fridge for 1-2 Hours

After placing the bird seeds inside the apple, the next step will involve putting them on a small sheet pan. You will have to spread them out on the pan and then put them in the fridge to cool off.

This will make the apples become firm while also making the bird seeds stick better to the apple.

One of the most important things you will have to keep in mind when hanging apples for birds will be to keep the seeds inside the apples until the birds actually find them. Else, they will fall on the ground and will get picked up by squirrels. Everything should be as firm and as compact as possible so that a little wind won’t ruin all of your hard work and effort.

4. Go for a Higher Spot

You will also have to figure out the perfect place for the apples. Although tree branches might seem like the perfect place for these apples, you will have to avoid strong branches, as squirrels can climb on those and reach these apples, and you surely don’t want this.

If you think a stronger branch is the perfect place to hang your apple, then at least try to use a longer rope, so that the apples are hanging halfway between the ground and the branch.

Before actually preparing the apples, you will first find the perfect spot for them.

Otherwise, the apples might go bad before the birds will actually reach them.

Conclusion

These are the basic steps required to hang apples for birds.

You will have to have a lot of patience, use only fresh apples, and also go for organic bird seeds if you want the birds to keep coming back to these treats.

You will also want to look for the perfect place for the apples to be hanged, to make sure the birds can reach them, while other creatures like squirrels can’t.

[the-re-farmer]

After working my way through the first section, I realized the stuff I’d cleared away had hidden quite a bit.  So here are some before photos of the next section. (click on them to see them better)

The little spruces were far enough from the fence that I found myself wondering, should I take them out, or should I just prune them clear of the fence?  When I’m in that situation, I try to think ahead 10, 20 or more years.  What will they be like if I leave them?

This was made easy today, by looking at the large spruce that’s already there, even closer to the fence.

What tree, you might be asking?

This one.  In the during and after photos.

Yup, those little spruces were completely hiding a huge spruce, right at the fence.

Also, another little spruce that grew under the fence line and even wound its way back and forth around them.

Reaching that big spruce was my goal for the day.  If all goes well, the next time I work here, I should reach the gate.

In that after photo, note the red Christmas light bulb.  Look for it in these next photos.

The first of these three photos was taken from outside the fence line, where I went to clear some of the trees growing there.  There are many more, closer to the ditch, that need to be cleared, but those will wait for now.

If you look closely, you can see that red Christmas light bulb in the first and third photos.

Did you notice something else in the after photos?  Take another look at the top fence wire.  What you can see of it, anyhow.

I found a temporary fix for the broken wire.

Once I cleared this area of the fence line, I found that when I pulled on the end with the loop in it (on the left of the above photo), it could almost touch the broken end (on the right in the photo, now with its own loop).  I don’t know when I’ll be able to fix it properly, but I didn’t want to leave it broken and hanging, either.  So I went to the garage and grabbed some zip ties, created a new loop on the broken wire end, and joined them by linking 4 zip ties loosely together.  Once they were all linked, I tightened all the zip ties as much as I could, then trimmed the ends with the pruning shears.  Now, the top line that was broken is tighter than the middle line, which got stretched when the tree fell on it, but didn’t break.  🙂

While making my way to the garage, I found this.

Another bench, made out of logs with a board across the top.  I’ve gone through here a few times, but had to practically step on it before I saw it!  I tried to pick it up, to see if it was usable, but it is so rotten, it started to fall apart, so I left it for now.  It will be cleared out when we get to taking out all the deadwood and continuing to clean up the spruce grove, next year.  Though on this end, it’s not really a spruce grove any more.  Closer to the garage, and the south fence line, it’s more poplar, elms and oak.  The elms and oak are in rows, so those were planted deliberately.  The poplar looks to have sown itself.  There are even what might be some apple trees in here.

Once I’ve cleared the East fence line to the gate, I will work my way down the south fence line, along the driveway, just enough to clear it.  There are poplars growing right at the wires, and while the south fence line has good posts, just like the East line does, many of them are falling over.   Especially right next to the garage.  It is along this fence line that the power cord from the garage runs.  We might not get to straightening them out this year, but if there’s going to be electrical cord supported by this fence, I want it to be able to stay upright!

We shall see how far along there we will be able to get, before the weather turns.

Looking ahead to the future, I hope to have a number of seating areas scattered about – with seats made of materials that won’t rot or degrade as quickly as the wooden benches I’ve been finding.  The goal is to clear this area enough to give it a park-like feel, plus I want to be able to see through the trees from the house to the driveway.  At the same time, I do want to leave some of the undergrowth, too.  Dogwood.  Wild roses.  False spirea. Junipers.  I look forward to planting shade loving plants and flowers in areas where they can naturalize, and ground cover that can be walked on.  Over time, I want this yard, including the spruce and maple groves, to be a sanctuary, not only for us humans, but to shelter some of the native wildlife, and to provide food and shelter for native pollinators as well.

The Re-Farmer

Clean up: spruce grove fence line, more progress, part two After working my way through the first section, I realized the stuff I'd cleared away had hidden quite a bit. 

[hellocupcakeitsme]

An Unexpected Journey

https://ift.tt/2SYS6ZT

So for the last almost 7 months I have been walking more and more and finding it rather enjoyable. I've never been one for hiking or anything like that. I've liked the idea of it, but putting that into the physical act of actually doing so has always been something completely different.

Just recently, I walked 13.5 miles (21.73k) from my town to the next. Now according to the trail signs, the distance is only 7.3 miles (11.75k). But Im not sure if that "as the crow flies" (meaning a straight line) or if that is how far it actually is. But 3 different apps that I have on my phone said that it was 13.5 miles.  Which trust me, either way, my feet and back were killing me. It was such an emotional and almost spiritual adventure. I have NO EXCUSE for why I did it. It quite literally just happened. The day that I went walking, I had it in my mind that I was going to walk to the 6 mile marker. Where I park my car and start walking is about 1/4 of a mile (0.042k) from the 7 mile post marker. So I have always done the trail just past the 6.5 trail marker. But that day like I said I wanted to see where Mile 6 post was. And it was on a part of the trail that I had never done before, so if anything, curiosity got the better of me.

So, when I came up on the 6 mile marker, I decided to "go a little further" to see where that part of the trial went. When I came to the bottom of a steep hill and saw a ranch style fence, I thought "ok i'll just walk up to that fence and turn around." Had I done that, my round trip would have been just under 4 miles at that point, because I had walked over 1.5 miles. But when I got to the top of that hill and caught my breath, I noticed that the trail was flat for as far as I could see. So I thought, "ok I wonder where 5.5 miles is." A few weeks prior to all of this, I picked up the trail from a different access point and walked from the 4 mile marker to the 5 mile marker. I called a girlfriend of mine and asked her if she would come pick me up if I kept walking because I knew I probably wouldn't have the strength nor the stamina to make the return trip to my car. And that I was going to keep walking until I couldn't go any further. So she agreed and so I continued my journey.

When I got to the 5.5 mile marker (8.85k) I realized that I had seen it before, and realized where I was from having walked it a few weeks prior. So that gave me a renewed sense of energy "knowing" that the next trail access was only a mile or so up from where I was. This is when things started getting a bit spiritual for me. As I was walking, and there really wasn't anyone else on the trail, save for a biker or someone running by every now and then, but for the majority of the time, I was all by myself. 

So I started talking to god/goddess/spirit/higher power/the universe/etc and asking for the ability to complete my task of walking further than I have. Now mind you, this is when the wildfires in California, Oregon, and Washington were really bad. The air quality was 289 (which is really really REALLY bad). And because I didn't plan on doing that large of a walk, I had NO previsions with me. Thankfully this time of year all of the Blackberries are in season and so are the wild apple trees. So every so often I would stop at a blackberry patch and grab a few handfuls and mush it around in my mouth. Not only for the sweet sugary taste, but for the juice to help with my thirst. So about 2 miles from where I started eating the blackberries, I met a wonderful lady who was mucking out her horse stalls. I stopped and spoke with her for a few moments, she offered to go get me some water, but her house was about 8 acres from where she was, and I honestly didn't want to stand around and wait for her. So I thanked her and kept on going. I then came to a green apple tree. I thought that it might be crab apples, which are very tart and kind of "woody" and not very juicy. I knocked one off the tree, because at this point I was starving because I didn't eat anything before going on my walk, because having to use the restroom on the trail isn't that fun, and I didnt have any toilet paper with me, so I didn't want to eat and have to deficate on the trail. But that apple was a wild Granny Smith. It was the most delicious apple I had ever eaten (at least right then while i was a bit dehydrated and hungry) that I actually turned around and got 5 more for the trip ahead. 

By this time I was at the 4.5 mile marker letting me know that I was almost to the trail access that I was going to have my friend pick me up at. But I started thinking "its really not that much further into town." So I kept going. By this time im an emotional wreck, and everything is making me want to cry. I had begun "unpacking" emotions and situations that had happened and just really doing some mental and emotional cleaning and soul searching. My feet were in pain, my lower back was numb from the pain. But I just kept telling myself to keep going. Honestly I have no fixed memory of what I was thinking about at the time. What feelings I was having. Nothing. It would come in waves, I would think about it and play scenarios out in my head and then move on to the next thought. They kept coming like waves, and it seemed like everytime I would come up for a breath I would get hit with another one. 

After I got past the 4 mile marker and saw the 3.5 marker I was completely lost. So everything at that point was new. Which brought on its own set of emotional tidal waves. I started talking to myself and the universe or whatever spirit or god wanted to hear me and listen to the ramblings of a fat man walking in the woods. At one point I came to a large tunnel that ran under a road that I had driven over many times before, but did not realize that there was a trail that went under it. And there was a breeze that was passing through it that made it feel like an air conditioner, which took my breath away because I was really hot. I just stood there for a moment, and cooled down.

Then walking through it, I noticed all the graffiti that was on the walls and had thought about my friends from California who are street artists and how they would have loved that tunnel and would have used it as one big canvas for something im sure that would have been worthy of an art gallery.

Just on the other side of this tunnel was a long stretch of forest trail that had the most lush and prehistoric looking Sword Ferns that I have ever seen. These have quickly become one of my favorite forest plants that I have come across. So as I was marveling at the natural beauty around me, and coming to an open field, something walked out onto the road and caught my eye. At first I thought that it was a small dog or a racoon or something like that, but it was an orange tom cat. As I approached it I thought that someone may have abandoned it out there. But as the trees began thinning and I got closer to the clearing, I could see that there were houses on either side of me, and that this little guy had a collar on, and a well worn trail where he had walked many times before. But trust me, I was more than ready to scoop him up and bring him home with me, even though Bella probably would have killed both him and I.

When I had walked about 1500 yards, I could see the highway into town. This of course brought tears to my eyes, realizing how close I was to the end of the trail, and thinking about how many times I had driven that stretch of road and never knew that there was all of this beauty and semi hidden trail. Walking under the freeway and realizing that I had less than 2.5 miles to go before I was at the end of my journey, I began getting really giddy. More street art adorned the overpass. 

When I came to the 2 mile marker of the trail, I almost lost it. Years prior, when I had first moved to Washington, I had walked to the 2 mile marker from the end of the trail, and realized that it was literally all downhill from there, but in the best possible way.  My thoughts and emotions were all over the place. When I came to the 1 mile marker. I started crying uncontrollably. I started talking to my dad, my grandma, and grandpa, telling them how proud they would be of me for making it that far, and for having done something like that in the first place. I could see my end goal in sight. I know that section of the trial all to well, as I walk it several times a month. When I got to the 1/2 mile marker I called my friend and told her where to pick me up. There was a part of me that wanted to keep walking. To keep walking past the trails end, all the way to the end of the road where it met the ocean. But I had kept her waiting by her phone all day, and didn't want to make her wait around for me any longer than what she already had.

As I approached the end of the trail, where it meets a parking lot. It felt like my steps were getting heavier and harder to make. Like subconsciously I didn't want it to end. That even though I was in pain, and numb, that I needed to keep going. But the spark of sanity that I had left told me that it was more of an accomplishment than I was giving myself credit for. Stepping off the trail, and walking to where I told my friend I would meet her, was difficult. Time was off for me. I kept having flashbacks to where I was, what I had seen, and to a smaller degree who i was when I started vs who I was when it ended. Yeah it was only a few hours, and several miles of walking. But it really did have that profound of an effect on me. Especially since the week before I was seriously depressed, and had being toying with the idea of just ending it once and for all. But here I was. I had accomplished a goal that I had set for the following summer, and had accomplished it almost 7 months ahead of schedule. 

When I saw my friends car pull up, I lost all control I had and began crying. She was more than ecstatic for me, and just as shocked as I was that I had done it. I kept my sobbing under control the best that I could, just letting hot tears streak down my face. My back was in spasms, my feet felt like they were broken. My shins hurt, my calves were cramping. But I had done it. I had made a trip that this time last year would have been impossible. 

For days after my walk, I had what I can only describe as PTSD from it. I just kept having flashbacks to parts of the trail. Remembering things that I saw, the scent, the sounds. I have since started watching Trail Vloggers, and watching their journey's. And they all have said the same thing. That when they end a hike, that they get what they call "post trail depression".  I have now downloaded several hiking apps, that show all of the trails in my area, and their ratings. And I have also began stockpiling hiking gear. I've been walking with a school backpack with about 7lbs of stuff in it, just to get used to walking with a pack on. My friends husband, gave me one of his old hunting packs and told me that he has some other items that he was going to give me.

I have already planned my next "big" walk. Its just under 14 miles, and another one that I plan on doing next summer too. I would try to do it now, but its fall/winter here in the PNW now and i'm still not that experienced, and still need to build up the strength and stamina to do so. And plus it will give me some more time to get things together for it. 

from Blogger https://ift.tt/30TCg7a

[bethestaryouareradio]

Fall forward and Waste Not!

https://www.lamorindaweekly.com/archive/issue1315/Digging-Deep-with-Goddess-Gardener-Cynthia-Brian-Fall-forward-and-waste-not.html

    “And all at once, summer collapsed into fall.” Oscar Wilde

In the fall of my freshman year at UCLA, I began working at one of the very first health food stores ever created in California. It was called Nature’s Health Cove and all the offerings were organic: pesticide, insecticide, and colorant-free. The fruits and vegetables were pathetic looking. Worms bored into apples, the Swiss chard had holes from munching snails, greens boasted fringed tips, a gift from hungry marauding rabbits, tomatoes were cracked, zucchini was malformed. Yet the produce tasted delicious and even though the prices were at least double of anything one could purchase at a grocery store, the crops sold rapidly. One of my tasks was to cull through any severely damaged items, putting them in a bucket for a compost pick up by an urban farmer.

Having worked in the fruit drying yards and big barn dehydrators growing up on our farm, it dawned on me that usually, half or more of any fruit or vegetable is salvageable. I suggested to the owner that perhaps we could cut out the decaying parts and create healthy drinks and dried snacks with the ripe remainders. The initiative became an instant success with both students and the general public clamoring for a revolving menu of inexpensive tasty treats.

As summer collapses into fall, my trees and vines are heavy with fruit. As much as I eat and give away, there is still more for the picking. I detest waste and besides canning and freezing the extras, I wanted to create some of the dried fruits of my youth.

While cleaning out one of our barns this summer, I came upon a vintage portable dehydrator that my Grandfather used eons ago to dry his autumn bounty of pears, apples, figs, and grapes. I cleaned the appliance and set to work slicing and dicing. The results are phenomenal.

If you’ve bought any dried fruit lately, you know how expensive it is. But if you are like me and enjoy DIY projects, I have a simple recipe for you to create your own personal organic fruit leathers. You can use trays and dry your produce in the sun the way it has been done for centuries, but it takes longer and critters may creep in to steal your sweets. My suggestion is to purchase a small dehydrator with four or five drawers. My dehydrator has four drawers and only a single heat setting. My thermometer says it’s dehydrating at 125 degrees, which is perfect. Every three hours I move the drawers from the bottom to the top. From start to finish, it takes 24 hours. If you buy a dehydrator with adjustable temperature settings, you’ll be able to dehydrate more rapidly. Here’s what to do: 1. Wash and pat dry your desired fruit and vegetables. 2. You can peel if you wish, but I don’t. Cutaway any bruised or damaged parts. Cut into slices about ¼ to ½ inch thick. 3. Some vegetables including eggplant, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, zucchini, potatoes, and radishes need to be blanched for a few minutes. 4. Cut the slices in a bowl and toss with lemon juice or apple vinegar to reduce browning. Although this step is optional, it helps in preservation. 5. Spray the trays with a light spritz of canola or olive oil to prevent sticking. 6. Place slices of the same fruit or vegetable on dehydrator racks in a single layer without overlapping. Use different trays for different varieties. 7. Check on the process until when done. Let the racks cool before removing the fruit. 8. You can enjoy your items immediately but if you want to store your stash, pack the dried fruit in glass jars or sealable plastic bags. Shake jars or bags once day to make sure there is no condensation. If there is any moisture, return the product to the dehydrator for a bit more drying. 9. Store in a pantry or room temperature darkened area. 10. Voila! Your very own dried fruit and leathers.

You can also put the dried fruit in bags and freezer. I’ve experimented with over-ripe bananas, apples, pears, Asian pears, and I even made raisins with chardonnay grapes, seeds, and all. Crunchy! Everything turns out delicious and I know these dried trials are nutritious because except for the bananas, they originate in my organic orchard. My next testing will be to make sweet potato chips from the sweet potatoes I’m growing. I plan to go exotic by drying mangoes, strawberries, pineapple, and papayas.

Recently we witnessed a rise of what I call the “ugly fruit”. Stores, farmer’s markets, and on-line sites are popularizing the value of imperfect produce. This is a giant step forward in eliminating waste and re-educating our families to value all products provided by nature. Farmers using organic methods know that crops are not always pretty, but the nutritional value and health benefits outweigh perfection of form.

As summer slowly fades into fall, I wish you abundance and a garden of eating.

Cynthia Brian’s Mid Month Gardening Guide

PRUNE “widow makers”, dead branches on trees. You can identify the dead branches before the leaves fall from the rest of the tree. CHECK the crape myrtles in bloom. If you are considering planting a tree or two later in autumn, this is the perfect time to decide what color will be an advantage to your landscape. Crape myrtles are excellent specimens for year-round attractiveness. The leaves will turn red and golden in late autumn, the bark is bare and beautiful in winter, the leaves are shiny green in spring, and the tree blooms midsummer to late fall. REFRIGERATE crocus, tulips, and hyacinths for six weeks before planting. ADD aged chicken manure to your soil if you are noticing that it is less fertile. MARK your calendar for a visit to the Be the Star You Are!® non-profit booth at the Moraga Pear and Wine Festival on Saturday, September 28th. Thanks to our sponsor, The Lamorinda Weekly. Details at https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org/events.

DEADHEAD tuberous begonias to keep them blooming until frost. The flowers are edible with a tangy, citrusy flavor. ENJOY the final days of freshly picked tomatoes tossed with basil or cilantro. HARVEST tangerines, Asian pears, and grapes as they ripen. PHOTOGRAPH your deciduous trees as the changing colors emerge. The contrast of colors will amaze you as you reflect on the time-line. DEHYDRATE extra fruit and vegetables for tasty snacks. Kids especially love these dried sweets. CUT and compost the damaged parts from “ugly” produce and cook with the rest. WASTE NOT! Be a steward of our planet with simple up-cycling. WELCOME the cool and crisp days of autumn. Fall forward!

Happy Gardening. Happy Growing.

See photos and read more: https://www.lamorindaweekly.com/archive/issue1315/Digging-Deep-with-Goddess-Gardener-Cynthia-Brian-Fall-forward-and-waste-not.html

  Cynthia Brian, The Goddess Gardener, raised in the vineyards of Napa County, is a New York Times best-selling author, actor, radio personality, speaker, media and writing coach as well as the Founder and Executive Director of Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3. Tune into Cynthia’s Radio show and order her books at www.StarStyleRadio.com.

Buy a copy of her new books, Growing with the Goddess Gardener and Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers at www.cynthiabrian.com/online-store.

Hire Cynthia for projects, consults, and lectures. Cynthia@GoddessGardener.com

www.GoddessGardener.com

  keywords: #dehydrator,#driedfruits, #barns,#uglyproduce,#wastenot,#autumn,#fall, #fruits, ,#gardening, #cynthiabrian, #starstyle, #goddessGardener, #growingwiththegoddessgardener, #lamorindaweekly

[goddessgardener]

Fall forward and Waste Not!

https://www.lamorindaweekly.com/archive/issue1315/Digging-Deep-with-Goddess-Gardener-Cynthia-Brian-Fall-forward-and-waste-not.html

    “And all at once, summer collapsed into fall.” Oscar Wilde

In the fall of my freshman year at UCLA, I began working at one of the very first health food stores ever created in California. It was called Nature’s Health Cove and all the offerings were organic: pesticide, insecticide, and colorant-free. The fruits and vegetables were pathetic looking. Worms bored into apples, the Swiss chard had holes from munching snails, greens boasted fringed tips, a gift from hungry marauding rabbits, tomatoes were cracked, zucchini was malformed. Yet the produce tasted delicious and even though the prices were at least double of anything one could purchase at a grocery store, the crops sold rapidly. One of my tasks was to cull through any severely damaged items, putting them in a bucket for a compost pick up by an urban farmer.

Having worked in the fruit drying yards and big barn dehydrators growing up on our farm, it dawned on me that usually, half or more of any fruit or vegetable is salvageable. I suggested to the owner that perhaps we could cut out the decaying parts and create healthy drinks and dried snacks with the ripe remainders. The initiative became an instant success with both students and the general public clamoring for a revolving menu of inexpensive tasty treats.

As summer collapses into fall, my trees and vines are heavy with fruit. As much as I eat and give away, there is still more for the picking. I detest waste and besides canning and freezing the extras, I wanted to create some of the dried fruits of my youth.

While cleaning out one of our barns this summer, I came upon a vintage portable dehydrator that my Grandfather used eons ago to dry his autumn bounty of pears, apples, figs, and grapes. I cleaned the appliance and set to work slicing and dicing. The results are phenomenal.

If you’ve bought any dried fruit lately, you know how expensive it is. But if you are like me and enjoy DIY projects, I have a simple recipe for you to create your own personal organic fruit leathers. You can use trays and dry your produce in the sun the way it has been done for centuries, but it takes longer and critters may creep in to steal your sweets. My suggestion is to purchase a small dehydrator with four or five drawers. My dehydrator has four drawers and only a single heat setting. My thermometer says it’s dehydrating at 125 degrees, which is perfect. Every three hours I move the drawers from the bottom to the top. From start to finish, it takes 24 hours. If you buy a dehydrator with adjustable temperature settings, you’ll be able to dehydrate more rapidly. Here’s what to do: 1. Wash and pat dry your desired fruit and vegetables. 2. You can peel if you wish, but I don’t. Cutaway any bruised or damaged parts. Cut into slices about ¼ to ½ inch thick. 3. Some vegetables including eggplant, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, zucchini, potatoes, and radishes need to be blanched for a few minutes. 4. Cut the slices in a bowl and toss with lemon juice or apple vinegar to reduce browning. Although this step is optional, it helps in preservation. 5. Spray the trays with a light spritz of canola or olive oil to prevent sticking. 6. Place slices of the same fruit or vegetable on dehydrator racks in a single layer without overlapping. Use different trays for different varieties. 7. Check on the process until when done. Let the racks cool before removing the fruit. 8. You can enjoy your items immediately but if you want to store your stash, pack the dried fruit in glass jars or sealable plastic bags. Shake jars or bags once day to make sure there is no condensation. If there is any moisture, return the product to the dehydrator for a bit more drying. 9. Store in a pantry or room temperature darkened area. 10. Voila! Your very own dried fruit and leathers.

You can also put the dried fruit in bags and freezer. I’ve experimented with over-ripe bananas, apples, pears, Asian pears, and I even made raisins with chardonnay grapes, seeds, and all. Crunchy! Everything turns out delicious and I know these dried trials are nutritious because except for the bananas, they originate in my organic orchard. My next testing will be to make sweet potato chips from the sweet potatoes I’m growing. I plan to go exotic by drying mangoes, strawberries, pineapple, and papayas.

Recently we witnessed a rise of what I call the “ugly fruit”. Stores, farmer’s markets, and on-line sites are popularizing the value of imperfect produce. This is a giant step forward in eliminating waste and re-educating our families to value all products provided by nature. Farmers using organic methods know that crops are not always pretty, but the nutritional value and health benefits outweigh perfection of form.

As summer slowly fades into fall, I wish you abundance and a garden of eating.

Cynthia Brian’s Mid Month Gardening Guide

PRUNE “widow makers”, dead branches on trees. You can identify the dead branches before the leaves fall from the rest of the tree. CHECK the crape myrtles in bloom. If you are considering planting a tree or two later in autumn, this is the perfect time to decide what color will be an advantage to your landscape. Crape myrtles are excellent specimens for year-round attractiveness. The leaves will turn red and golden in late autumn, the bark is bare and beautiful in winter, the leaves are shiny green in spring, and the tree blooms midsummer to late fall. REFRIGERATE crocus, tulips, and hyacinths for six weeks before planting. ADD aged chicken manure to your soil if you are noticing that it is less fertile. MARK your calendar for a visit to the Be the Star You Are!® non-profit booth at the Moraga Pear and Wine Festival on Saturday, September 28th. Thanks to our sponsor, The Lamorinda Weekly. Details at https://www.BetheStarYouAre.org/events.

DEADHEAD tuberous begonias to keep them blooming until frost. The flowers are edible with a tangy, citrusy flavor. ENJOY the final days of freshly picked tomatoes tossed with basil or cilantro. HARVEST tangerines, Asian pears, and grapes as they ripen. PHOTOGRAPH your deciduous trees as the changing colors emerge. The contrast of colors will amaze you as you reflect on the time-line. DEHYDRATE extra fruit and vegetables for tasty snacks. Kids especially love these dried sweets. CUT and compost the damaged parts from “ugly” produce and cook with the rest. WASTE NOT! Be a steward of our planet with simple up-cycling. WELCOME the cool and crisp days of autumn. Fall forward!

Happy Gardening. Happy Growing.

See photos and read more: https://www.lamorindaweekly.com/archive/issue1315/Digging-Deep-with-Goddess-Gardener-Cynthia-Brian-Fall-forward-and-waste-not.html

  Cynthia Brian, The Goddess Gardener, raised in the vineyards of Napa County, is a New York Times best-selling author, actor, radio personality, speaker, media and writing coach as well as the Founder and Executive Director of Be the Star You Are!® 501 c3. Tune into Cynthia’s Radio show and order her books at www.StarStyleRadio.com.

Buy a copy of her new books, Growing with the Goddess Gardener and Be the Star You Are! Millennials to Boomers at www.cynthiabrian.com/online-store.

Hire Cynthia for projects, consults, and lectures. Cynthia@GoddessGardener.com

www.GoddessGardener.com

  keywords: #dehydrator,#driedfruits, #barns,#uglyproduce,#wastenot,#autumn,#fall, #fruits, ,#gardening, #cynthiabrian, #starstyle, #goddessGardener, #growingwiththegoddessgardener, #lamorindaweekly

[punkpoemprose]

A Brief History of the Farm; Or Why Emily is the Way She Is

As requested, a brief (okay it got really really long) history of life, adventures, and my/ my family member’s fuckups on the farm.

@karis-the-fangirl I hope some of this is helpful/ amusing. Feel free to ask questions at any time if you’d like. If living in the sticks can be helpful to anyone I’m more than happy to share the knowledge I have.

So my dad has like the longest list of insane stories related to farmwork, so a lot of these will be his, and I should say that my family farm is only a hobby farm, so the work is a lot less difficult than my cousin’s dairy farm and the farms around me. We’re more of a subsistence farm/ homestead.

           When my dad was in middle school/ highschool he worked on my cousin’s dairy farm, and nearly died there five times that I know of (there’s probably more).

1.)    In the hayloft and a board broke out from under him sending him to the floor below (about a 10ft drop), which would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that the weak board sent him into a pile of very sharp tools that should have probably impaled him. He walked it off.

2.)    Was switching off equipment because he heard a storm was rolling in. The first strike of lightning in the whole night hits the barn, comes through the outlet, and knocks him flat on his ass, gasping for breath.

3.)    Was digging a trench for waterlines out to the barn. His little cousin was playing with her sisters in the back yard and went running, fell into the trench and straight on top of my father (she wasn’t necessarily small at that age and it was a 12ft trench). She nearly broke my Dad’s back, but it was lucky that she landed on him, because if she hadn’t, she likely would have hit a stone at the bottom of the trench and died.

4.)    Rolled a tractor (you’re not supposed to live through that), and not like a John Deere Mt or a little Ford or something, no, a huge commercial farm tractor with no cab. Again, he went flying, but walked it off.

5.)    Some kid decided to walk up to the back of one of the tractors when a PTO (power take off- basically a thing that spins wicked fast that you can use to power equipment off the back of a tractor, like a mower or what have you… this might explain better https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_take-off) shaft was running. If you so much as touch one of those babies when they’re going it can break your arm/ leg. God forbid you get a scrap of clothing stuck in there, you’re as good as dead. Anyway, kid gets too close, my Dad sees what’s about to happen and shoves the kid out of the way. You can probably guess what happens to Dad’s pants. If it weren’t for the fact that Dad yelled for the kid to move and the kid screamed, which caused my Great Grandfather to come running and shut the tractor off, I probably wouldn’t be here today. Oh, and what happened to him? He walked it off.

Mom wasn’t born on the farm. She was a city gal. Okay so like not a big city, but they had more than one grocery store, so that’s a city for me. My town only has farms, car garages, a post office, a town hall, and the general store an Amish lady opened up about a year ago (the pie is so damn good and her prices are so low it’s a miracle I bake at all anymore tbh, my grandmother has definitely given in all her thanksgiving pies were handmade by Laura Yoder and her three girls).

When she first started seeing Dad she was about my age (I think around 19 or 20?). They met at her summer job (at a plastic plant out towards Utica). My dad was her supervisor, and even though she had never done farm chores before, she started to learn on her visits. My father lived with his grandfather and the house desperately needed a woman’s touch, so Mom often did the dishes and tidied up for them, and she learned to crochet during the winter just to make my Dad a blanket.

By the time they were married Mom felt much more comfortable on the farm, but let me tell you (as she would, she’s a lovely woman and likes others to learn from her mistakes) she made some major mess ups/ had some adventures before and after the wedding.

She ruined about three weeks worth of green beans by weeding the row while they were wet (when you touch green beans while they’re wet they “rust” which is basically a disease/ blight that ruins the beans on the affected plants).

Planted three different plants that are so terribly invasive we’ve done everything we can to kill them since the early 2000’s and they still keep coming back (word to the wise if you ever want to plant spearmint do it in a pot).

Somehow Virginia Creeper ended up in our grape vines, and thankfully Mom only ate one berry (they look a lot like wild grapes). It lit her whole mouth on fire, and luckily she and dad were able to tear it all out before anyone else made the same mistake.

She didn’t fully cook Swiss Chard and had a similar adventure in mouth/ throat burning (The plants have tiny microneedles in their stems that will make you feel pain like no other if you eat it raw/ undercooked).

Once she made a pie with the apples off the back tree, and somehow managed to get several worm filled apples which did not reveal themselves until dinner that night, dead in the pie. In similar bug/ apple tree issues she accidently sent a wasps nest out of the tree and onto my father while picking apples (though Dad got his revenge when I was a kid and sent a chuck of beehive onto her by accident).

She was pulling weeds in the garden, accidently dug up/ pulled out a snake and panicked, not letting go of it, but running so that the poor thing (just a little garter snake mind you) was bouncing up and down the whole time, probably just trying to be free of her. She only dropped it when she ran over to my father (who’s terrified of snakes) and he smacked her hand.

When she was pregnant with me, she and Dad hadn’t accounted for such a cold/ long winter, so in the middle of February (7 months pregnant), she was up in the woods filling up a sled (that didn’t hold much but was heavy when full) with wood to bring back to the house. She had to make this trip 3-5 times in a day, and the woods are a quarter mile from the house in any direction.

When I was a toddler and my brother was a baby she worked in the garden with him in a playpen and I would be playing with my toy garden tools. My cousin, unfortunately, had planted a cornfield in the lot behind my house that he rented from us that year and I toddled off into the corn field. My poor mother ran through the corn field barefoot with my brother in one arm, screaming like a banshee for a good fifteen minutes. By the time she got back to the house, ready to call in a search party, I was being pushed on my swing set by my great grandpa (who was very hard of hearing).

My Gramp was the sweetest/ toughest man you would ever meet and doted on my brother and I terribly. He was half deaf, blind in one eye, his heart barely worked, he had a bad back and barely functioning lungs, but he would go up into the woods on the hottest day of summer to pick wild blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries for me and my brother. When Conner was a baby and I was a toddler he would do it for hours, come back, mash them all up for us with some sugar, let us eat it all, and tell us stories. My dad always said that he wouldn’t have lived as long as he did if it weren’t for me and my brother being around to give him something to live for.

As far as my experiences go I’ve been lucky to avoid anything too possibly life ending. Though we cut our own wood, and when I was a kid my Dad would fall a tree and cut it up and me, my mom, and my brother would load it into the truck or the wagon to take back to the house. Well my favorite thing was when he’d fall a tree on a hill so that we could roll the blocks down the hill to be split/ loaded. One time my shirt got caught on a log I was rolling, and it took me with it. I thankfully got thrown off the block before it could roll on my chest, but it got my leg pretty bad and it knocked all the air out of my lungs. I was pretty young at the time so my parents were worried. They made me and my brother stay in the truck the rest of the time, but we really just wanted to be out rolling more blocks. Also I’ve been hit multiple times by thrown pieces of wood to varying levels of damage to myself. I accidently broke my dad’s glasses when I didn’t see him and tossed a piece at him when I was about 12. But he was mostly fine and my brother broke a window doing the same thing when we were filling a shed, so we’ve all done something.

We use a tractor to plow out the driveway in the winter because we get so much snow. When my brother was a baby he loved riding on the tractor with Dad. (He called it a put-put because that’s the sound the exhaust/ exhaust cap makes when it runs). One time my dad hit a snow bank pretty hard and my little brother (probably about 2 or 3) went flying off the tractor and into the bank. I’m about 4 or 5, so I’m just sort of confused when my dad plucks my brother out of the snow and grabs us both (amazing given how puffy both of our snowsuits were really) and says the one phrase the three of us still share today “Don’t tell mom!”

When my brother and I were up playing on the edge of where the field meets the woods (where my great grandma used to throw the trash because they didn’t have pick up or anything like that) I sliced my finger open on a piece of glass and my brother said I’d have to get stitches so I tried hiding it from my mom for hours. I don’t know how much blood I lost, but my mom (God bless her) found out and managed to butterfly bandage it closed and made me drink a ridiculous amount of water. I probably should have gone to the hospital, but it never scarred and I lived. I have other stories that did leave scars, but I can sum almost all of them up as “young Emily really liked animals but the animals didn’t always like Emily back”. I didn’t learn obviously, I’m a Biologist.

When I started being able to do chores on my own I got my shoe eaten by pigs while bringing them slop, accidently pulled out all the plants and left the weeds in the garden because the leaves were very similar (thankfully we were able to replant them), I accidently broke a ton of eggs, I lost most of the hay out of a bale I was carrying, I ripped open a feed bag because I held it wrong, and I fell into what I will affectionately refer to as “puckey” more times than I’m willing to admit. I also freed all the fish my brother caught (because they were cute), cried over a bird that my brother shot by accident while trying to scare them out of the tomatoes, and with detached emotion named my three pigs breakfast, lunch, and dinner (my brother, who really isn’t a monster I promise, named his bacon, ham, and sausage).

I refuse to hunt, but I’ve gutted deer (the first time was an adventure trust me there), and for the last year I’ve been the closest thing my family had to a farm vet. The vet most people used around here passed recently and evidently a student of biology with a firm understanding of google is good enough for my family when it comes to the chickens and wildlife. I’ve only lost one patient and consulting with my actual vet student friends, she wasn’t going to make it anyway.

Also critters get into the house a lot and because I’m the only one in the family who isn’t afraid of them (mostly mice, bats, moles, and the occasional bird, my mom can handle the frogs/ toads/ salamanders herself), it’s been my job since I was about 12 to shoo them out. I don’t do snakes (because while I respect them I’m afraid of them), but I’ve been known to catch spiders and bring them out to the deck. The only thing I would ever outright refuse to catch is this fucking massive squirrel that used to hang out in the hay loft of my friend’s barn. It was a terror.

Oh and my brother and I had our hair chewed on by a horse when we were kids because we used to have straw blonde hair.

I overfilled a pressure canner once and I nearly died when we opened it prematurely because it blew the pressure gage clear off the top and just past my head.

My dog ran across a wet bridge and sent my cousin into the creek below where he broke his arm. I had to run back to the house (about a half mile) to get my mom to call his mom so we could bring him to the hospital (I was about 13, so he was either 14 or 15).

My brother and I have pulled more stone out of the fields around my house than I can count. Not little ones either. You can run little ones over with the tractor. I’m talking rocks the size of a laptop or larger. Once or twice we’ve found ones so big that we needed my dad to come through with the tractor to get them out.

I’ve been face to face with a bear (which is why I bring my brother, our 4-wheeler and his rifle whenever I go blackberry picking now), and we’ve all had deer, coyote, porcupines, skunks, and snakes cross our paths. Dad tries to shoot all the woodchucks out of the lot (they cause a lot of damage), but I won’t let him kill them if I’m around (same for the moles in the lawn and the field mice in the house).

There’s like a million more things I could say, but this is over 2500 words and I think I should stop now.  

[paralleljulieverse]

When Julie Andrews arrived in Honolulu in June 1965 for the start of location shooting on Hawaii she stepped off the plane as a newly minted member of the global superstar A-list. In the space of a few short months, she had headlined two of the biggest film hits in history, Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music, and also picked up an Academy Award for Best Actress. All of a sudden, she was the Hollywood It-Girl and everyone wanted a piece of her. “So-called ‘overnight sensations’ power in on Hollywood periodically,” declared one press report of the time, but “the town has seen nothing to equal the impact made by this wholesome, jolly, apple-cheeked bundle from Britain” (Heffernan, 13). 

The measure of Julie’s meteoric film stardom had been made starkly apparent at the outset of Hawaii’s production when, in early May, she journeyed to Sturbridge Village, Massachusetts to shoot externals for the film’s New England scenes. Even though the crew was only on site a matter of days, word got out that Julie was in town and hordes of curious onlookers descended. On what one reporter described as “the most crowded movie set in years,” “men, women, children, a few dogs and a flock of sheep” came to ogle, gawk and be entertained (Crosby, 8).  “[H]undreds of inquisitive schoolchildren” arrived “eager to demonstrate their fondness for Miss Andrews by serenading her with songs from ‘Mary Poppins’“ and one of Julie’s bonnets mysteriously disappeared from wardrobe “presumably added to the collection of a zealous souvenir hunter” (“‘Hawaii’ Down East”, 5:1). The situation got so unruly that police had to be called in to rope off the set and calm the crowds.

For Julie, a seasoned performer who was no stranger to public attention, this kind of borderline “mad mobbing” was something altogether different and the experience proved unsettling:

“People started to converge as I was walking to my dressing room trailer with these rather husky policemen. People would be on one side being pushed back, and then they would circle around and come back from the other side…They didn’t mean any harm. It was a lark for them. But when I got into the trailer, I was alone in eight square feet of space. Alone in this island! You could hear the crowd outside giggling and joshing and pushing. They were scratching at the walls. And the trailer began swaying. I pulled down the shades and sat there alone. I thought, ‘My God, how alone I am! I can’t get out’“ (Donald, 27)

By the time the star jetted in to the Hawaiian islands the following month, the studio realised the need for more stringent control. Her arrival had been heralded by almost daily updates in the local press – “Julie Delays Her Arrival”, “Julie Due Tomorrow”, “Julie Andrews Arrives Today” – and a swarm of people was waiting at the airport to greet her. Julie paused on the tarmac “to accept a half dozen leis” from officials and “to accommodate the press” for questions and photographs, but the public was kept at a safe distance “behind a fence fifty yards from the plane” (Butwin, 1-2). The star was then whisked away in a studio car parked conveniently on the tarmac, leaving many fans in tears. For some, it “was their third trip to the airport to welcome Julie – twice before her plans were canceled – and all they got was a long-range glimpse. ‘What can we do,’ moaned [one]…We’ll never see her up close’” (Butwin, 2).

This air of protective restriction informed much of the rest of the location shoot in Hawaii. The film set, located in a military reserve on the northwest shore of the main island, was strictly closed to visitors and Julie was helicoptered in and out daily from her high-security residence in Honolulu (Krauss, 25). Eager fans were not so easily dissuaded, though, and “[e]very day a parade of pink-striped Jeeps rented by visitors” would make the hour and a half drive to the distant film set where an “assorted band” would “assemble on the beach behind the barricades…their own cameras in hand, stand[ing] for hours in the searing sun” hoping to get a glimpse of the star (Sutton, H9).

In such a context, everyday activities like going shopping or dining out proved an almost impossible dilemma. “[I]n a place like Hawaii, where there are so many tourists, it can become a bit sticky,” Julie noted, so the star spent “most of her nonworking hours behind the gate of her oceanfront home” where she would “entertain fellow workers and visitors” in safe seclusion (Thomas, 25). On the rare occasion she would venture out on the town, such as a trip to the ballet with the Von Sydows or a dinner at a restaurant, reporters were on hand to cover her every move (Tobin, D6). 

The film’s publicist, Howard Newman remarked that “I have had to play the villain with the press and the public here to protect [Julie] from the crowds wherever she goes.” “The islanders have gone wild over her” and “she is invited to every tea, celebration, bar mitzvah, wedding, picnic and luau in this 50th state…But [Julie] takes it all in good spirit and I have never yet seen her lose her equanimity or her graciousness,” adding “I have never worked with anyone I have loved as much” (Cohen, 10).

In a widely syndicated newspaper profile published as Julie was at work on Hawaii, columnist Bob Thomas wrote:

What a difference a year makes in the life of a girl, if the girl happens to be Julie Andrews. A year ago she was floating in luxurious limbo…She was able to travel about with ease, recognized by only the most discerning of fans…Now Julie is in the post-Oscar, post-‘Poppins’ phase of her career and her life will never be the same” (Thomas, “One Year”, 25).

“Yes, I sometimes look back fondly on those days,” the young star commented with wistful regret, “I’m certainly not as free as I used to be” (ibid.)

Sources:

Butwin, David. “Julie Thinks Hawaii’s a Loverly Place.” The Honolulu Advertiser. 14 June 1965: 1-2.

Cohen, Harold V. “Communique from Oahu.” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. 24 September 1965: 10.

Crosby, Joan. “’Hawaii’ in Massachusetts – With Blossoms Ties on Trees.” Santa Cruz Sentinel. 24 May 1965: 8.

Donald. C.J. “The Day Julie Andrews Became a Star.” Movie News. 3: 4, April 1967: 10, 27.

“‘Hawaii’ Down East.” The Philadelphia Inquirer. 2 May 1965: 5:1.

Heffernan, Harold. “All Studios Want Julie Andrews.” The Indianapolis Star. 9 July 1965: 13.

Krauss, Bob. “Julie Andrews Will Ride in a Taxi With a View.” The Honolulu Advertiser. 3 June 1965: 25.

Sutton, Horace. “Hollywood With a Hula.” The Baltimore Sun. 29 August 1965: H9.

Thomas, Bob. “One Year Has Made a Might Big Difference in the Life of Julie Andrews.” The Cincinnati Inquirer. 20 August 1965: 25.

____________. “Hawaiian Fans Put Rush on Popular Julie Andrews.” The Progress Index. 2 September 1965: 34.

Tobin, Riv. “‘Hawaii’ Film Personalities on the Go.” The Honolulu Advertiser. 19 September 1965: D6.

© 2017, Brett Farmer. All Rights Reserved