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#i have alot of feelings about this and i have been thinking about it since u sent it in like
firefly--bright · 2 days
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september coffee
jean kirstein x reader, modern au
summary ; september feels alot like the start of the year. jean brings you pastries while you make coffee, and september feels less daunting than january. warnings ; none! a/n ; im sorry for the last atrocity. please enjoy this domestic slice of life and forget i ever wrote the last one. thanku. also this is just me revealing my mocha recipie. enjoy :3 taglist ; @holding-infinity-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody , @hopeless-anti-romantic , @jeanscremebrulee , @berrijam , @happxme , @cherrypieyourface , @imgayandshesanime , @moonmalice , @kivernova , @potaho3frog , @xakilicious , @katestrophes , @gojo-ana , @ppushable
masterlist is in pinned post! ✿ enter my taglist! ✿
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middle tile art creds ; @ppushable !
september feels a lot like the start of the year. more than january, a better fit. maybe it's the air, maybe its the cool breeze, maybe its the fact that your hair falls a little better, maybe its the fact that your coffee tastes like how you know how to make it, or that your music fits the occasion of the leaves falling on the ground. orange, a little soft still, littering the entrance of your apartment building.
or maybe it's none of those. maybe you're reading too much into it. the wind holds your face with its coolness and you think it's okay to breathe a little better. you think it's better to forget you were ever fourteen. its okay if your bedside table is lined with coffee cups, a dark band running on the inside of them, indicating that it has been used well enough to know it isn't forgotten. youre barely there but its okay because the year is just starting - nine months in.
or maybe it's him. his hands in his pockets, waiting outside your door with a brown bag holding croissants and some cheese. the good one, he says, holding a grudge against everything that doesn't meet his taste. his coffee is black and made by you, just how he likes it, sitting on your kitchen counter patiently, cooling down.
maybe he just happens to breathe life into the september's stillness to make it a little fuller. which is an important title to give to someone, akin to god, being the one your risky and dangerous hopes are pinned on, an unknown specter.
he balances his coffee on his laptop, carrying the both of them - dangerous, risky, hopeful. places both on top of the kitchen counter in front of your quarter-made coffee. it's barely starting, the brew of your present concoction being only planned out and the mug is empty when he peers into it, curious.
"what's it gonna be this time?" he asks, taking a sip from his cup with gentle breaths, knowing just how hot the coffee is going to be. this is not hope. no, its the fullness that comes with being with him. being with him is to feel september around you, semi-crunchy leaves on the ground being forgotten by everyone else but you even if you're in your home making an iced mocha.
"you'll see." you say, speaking about hope. he'll see. you'll wait.
he nods, slowly, twice, uncalculated movements that you have somehow counted and known since you'd met him. "show me." he says. this is also not hope, and you dare not to mix the two - his voice isn't a command but its a plea. not a hope, because he knows you enough to know you'd comply. its certainty. not risky, not dangerous. safe and sound in your home, cup of quarter-made coffee, marbled floors, september air, his voice. safe. easy.
you've been too focused on stringing hope together. beady rocks of what people describe as a glimmer. you'd describe it as something more of a small weight. beads. something that required effort to be collected together once they scattered away. hope came with the dangerous of risk and its own existence, a mapped road that you had been down to several times, hoping against hope. but this was good. the little shine in his eyes, looking at you without expectance.
"two spoons of coffee." you start, taking your shitty pack of instant coffee, crumbled at its zigzagged edges, cut unevenly. jean's face scrunches up at your choice, something you cant show you agree with. "why this one?" he grumbles, and you spare him a glance from the corner of your eye.
"its backup coffee." you say, shrugging. the plastic crinkles under your fingers as you slip a spoon inside it.
"backup coffee?" he asks, pushing the cup closer to your spoon - things that dont go unnoticed by you. its not about actions being added up in the end, you think, because you were always taught that it was the sum of all your actions that determined if you were good or bad, but its not. in this moment, you decide that everything - little or big - that he did made your heart feel like it actually mattered. every thing had its own consequence.
"my actual coffee's finished. this is the one i use when i have to wait for the next grocery run to buy the good stuff." you answer, and he hums, his hands folding themselves over his chest, nodding, attentive, certain. You turn your attention to another cabinet – the one containing the sugar and cinnamon – and jean’s attention rests on you. the music sounds different, you think, clearer. another thing about September stillness. Another thing about the normalcy of hopelessness. Despite how big and scary the word sounds; hopelessness isn’t a curse. It doesn’t have to be, not when jean’s eyes are on your hands and the way you turn the cap of the sugar jar, careful, certain. Hopelessness is certain. It’s a favour. it’s the lack of hope, the lack of the blood-curdling risk that comes with it. It’s the lack of the expectation for something to be perfect, you keep thinking, take one spoonful and dumping it on the coffee powder in your less-empty mug.
Another spoon. Your mind shifts - you're going to add chocolate syrup in this, that’s going to have sugar too - you shake some sugar off the spoon and back into it’s jar, grains falling in-between the space of the jar and the mug, spilling on the counter. Hopeless. Jean snickers. “shut up,” you say with a smile of your own, capping the lid back on before moving on to the next step.
“cinnamon?” he asks, tilting his head. You nod, flipping the lid open to the part with tinier holes than the other side and sprinkling some in. “how do you know how much?”
You shrug, but your moves are decisive. “just eyeball it.”
he rolls his eyes, hopeless. “I need measurements.” He says. you scoff. “and you’re going to actually make this?” “yes.” He says as if its obvious, “for when you want it but cant make it.”
Little things. You were always taught about adding things up to make them count more, but this counted just as much. You pause, taking a breath to take in the fact that he admitted to the act of loving you. admitted to the fact that he’d love you into routine.
September air breathes a little more into life.
“just… trust your gut.” You say, a little hopeful, you think, because your heart’s beating a little bit faster. Risky, dangerous. pearls of hope are scattering away from you. in the silence where you don’t speak, jean seems to have made up his mind, giving you a deadpan expression when your eyes meet his. “don’t give me that bullshit.”
“what? I trust your gut. Why cant you trust your gut?” you challenge, closing the lid, placing the bottle on the marbled counter, turning your face towards his. He runs one hand through his hair, shaking his head. “my gut cant even digest lactose.” “and yet you eat blocks of – what is it you got?” “gouda-“ “gouda with wine.” “yeah that’s because…that’s my duty.” You laugh in affectionate disbelief. “then its my duty to drink how much ever cinnamon you put in my coffee.”  
The same silence spreads across the room again. Contemplative, comfortable; an unsaid recognition of your own version of a confession, just as his was. And jean thinks about how you claim you don’t know how to talk about things in a way that make sense and have shape, but then you do. You always somehow find a way to make everything into a prayer, into a sentence that hopes to be something more than itself. And then he thinks about how comforting it is. The fact that he’s the only one that can decode your false bait into its much more real, much scarier reality. Each phrase hoping to be an “I love you” that only jean can hold, seeing it to be something akin to a scripture rather than three countable words.
A duty to make coffee for his beloved; a penance, an act, a confession. And then the duty to drink the coffee if it turns out worse than promised; a recognition, an act, a confession.
You move to get the milk from the fridge. Its half empty, half full, and you pour just enough for the milk to cover the powdery mix in your mug, filling up around one-third of the glass.
“hmm. Milk. Right after you made fun of my disability.” He says. you laugh. It’s a ritual. “being lactose intolerant is a curse, not a disability.” He waves his hand around in dismissal. “whatever,” he says, just as you place your mug in the microwave. The action catches his attention more than the rest of your actions do.
“microwave?” he asks, tilting his head again, a strand of hair falling over his forehead. Your hand reaches forward, brushing it back, your fingers tangling in his hair. His eyes flutter, cheeks tainting a watery red.
“helps the sugar melt faster.” You say. You watch his adam’s apple bob, his eyes opening to meet yours, your hand still in his hair. He hums, and you're almost afraid he’s going to fall asleep – standing up, leaning against the marbled kitchen counter, with your hand where its supposed to be, soft strands against your fingertips, just where he’s supposed to be, the slope of his shoulders relaxed, calm, only moving with his breath.
The microwave dings. Once, twice, and you open it before it reaches it’s last beep. Another ritual. The song changes, playing another soft tune, and jean’s shifts his weight from his left foot to his right, scratching the back of his neck and hiding his stupid blush from you even though you’ve already seen it and taken pride in it. You’ll grant him the illusion of having gotten away with it. Just this once.
placing the mug on the counter again, you stir the sugar into the milk and coffee and cinnamon. “how do you know if the sugar’s dissolved?” jean asks. He leans back to his left foot, shifting closer to you. his chest is against your arm, just enough space to let you mix the liquid, it’s warm scent filling the room, taking up space, mixing with your breath. September air lulls – its all just shitty instant coffee and cinnamon now, and the old, burnt-out candle on your coffee table not even three steps away is long forgotten.
“chocolate next.” You say. Jean nods, moving off of the counter to the cabinet beside him, and you try not to focus on his movements too much. It proves to be hard when his forearms flex with little effort and his face lights up subtly when he spots the bottle of the syrup, reaching forward to grab it. Another confession, you think, that you didn’t ask him for this. You didn’t ask him to come to your apartment just to watch you make your coffee, you didn’t ask for him to waste his time while you could ramble about the day you spent without him. He didn’t ask for you to look at him as if he was doing you a favour, but he was. Is it a favour if you didn’t really ask for it? You didn’t ask him to open the bottle for you, you didn’t ask him to squeeze whatever was left at the end ontop of your warm coffee. And you mumble out a “thanks” anyway, because what else can you do?
“I kinda… stab the cup? With the spoon? To feel the bottom…if there are any grains left, id feel it though the spoon.” You say, demonstrating exactly what you were saying. Your spoon hits the bottom of the mug, and you feel a crystal of sugar through the tip of your spoon. “complicated,” jean whispers from beside you and you try to stifle a laugh.
“not really. Youre stupid.” “im not.” “sure.” “im not.”
Pearls of dangerous hope string themselves together without your say in the matter. You breathe out and watch as the remaining ribbon of smoke from the heat of the coffee distorts around your exhale. Jean’s hand rubs the flesh of your arm, the un-asked for warmth leaving it’s traces on your skin. You didn’t ask for this. His hand is on your shoulder now, and you cant help but enjoy it. You stir the chocolate into your concoction, and jean leans forward to place a small kiss near your collarbone without prior notice. But you don’t flinch from surprise, relaxing under his lips. He pulls away before you can start wondering again, and your mind lulls.
“I just followed some video at first and then I hated it. And then I just fucked around and found out. my first coffee was with my cousin sister when the lights went off. We all went to the grocery store because that was the only place with the a/c still on, and she got a can of cold coffee and I had a sip and now my only goal in life is to make coffee that was exactly like the shitty can of coffee we had then.” You said, overexplaining while the ice in your now full mug of coffee melted slowly. Jean took a sip of it, nodding to your story. His brows lift in little surprise after taking a sip, shaking his head in appreciation. “don’t know if this counts as shitty,” “you like it?” you ask with a smile, and jean pretends it doesn’t affect it as much as it does. The coffee settles in his stomach as do the butterflies. He nods.
You love him. there are no favours to ask for. After making sure the chocolate’s dissolved, the colour of the coffee changing from what it was before, small bubbles gathering at the edge of the liquid, you move to the fridge to get some ice. Jean’s eyes follow your figure, glued to your face as you reach into the freezer, prying the ice cubes out, holding them in your hands.
“you could’ve just got the mug near you,” jean says, watching you pour the handful over the coffee. “and I’m the stupid one?”
“shut up.” You tell him with a smile in defeat, unable to come up with a clever response. You wipe your now damp hands on your pants, and jean grabs the milk, pouring it over the ice, knowing just how much you’d like. A couple of the cubes float to the top, just as he stops, and now its your turn to lean on the counter beside him, hands resting on the marble as he stirs the coffee.
“if this were a glass mug-“ you say, and he looks at you with a soft smile you cant quiet place, “-you could see the layers of the coffee and the milk and it looks really pretty,”
he hums in response. “when did you find out you liked it like that?”
“its good. Sweet,” he remarks. You tilt your head knowingly, “you pretend to like black coffee but I know you’d tear up a frappe,” “I would not-“ “literally last week.” “that was different.” “how?” “I bought that for you!” “and you drank all of it before I even knew you got it for me-“ “I was tempted.” “sure, jean.” You say, laugh laced in your words. Jean pushes the mug towards you as if to prove you wrong.
You take a sip. The song changes again, and jean’s hand finds its way to the small of your back. With your lips still touching the cup, his lips touch your cheeks. His stubble tickles your chin, but you don’t flinch. September air is calm, quiet, there’s little breeze. Jean kisses your cheek. “how was your day?” he asks, ready, quiet, calm.
you breathe a little better, turning your face to his and pecking a kiss to his lips. He unwraps the pastry he bought not too long ago while listening it you, hopped up on the kitchen counter with a cold iced mocha in your hands, jean’s eyes on you. pearls become a necklace, and the string is stronger than before because he’s here. His eyes are on you.
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notedchampagne · 12 hours
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hey boss here for some bad relationship advice, not on anon because my mother raised me right.
i think im probably some flavour of aromantic (but i have a job so idrc abt that) because ive only ever had a crush on close friends and alot of the time my brain interpreted a deep connection as needing to be romance. i have since figured out that pattern and it hasnt been happening anymore. which brings me to my question: i really dont feel any desire to have a romantic partner, but i feel like im missing out since all my friends have one or are yearning for one. is anyone who doesnt see romantic relationships as automatically worth more than friendships doomed because of #society? thanks boss!
i think about this often. in a beautiful world i would be perfectly happy living in a house with some of my friends because i would be ticking off all the social desires i could dream of. i dont need a partner now and i wouldnt need one in the future. i would like a partner because i think it would be fun and interesting like having an exclusive best friends club. but that fact is that youre not #doomed because theres like 8 billion people on this earth and plenty have lived happy lives single. if youre happy with your friends then there you go
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ganondoodle · 2 years
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a wild assortement of comic wip screenshots and a random doodle that i posted to twitter but not here
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(this doodle here is of Raal (aka demise before he became a deity) but whatever happens here isnt anything 'canon', i just randomly doodled him to try a loosen up my painting style bc when i work on the comic i tend to concentrate too much of rendering it perfectly and i dont like that)
#ganondoodles#doodles#art#i am so very tired#too tired for tags#btw i do love and read every ask i get but damn i just dont have the energy to reply to most#and i feel so guilty#i wish i could make a warning show up when someone wants to send me an ask#that just says -yo i love and cherish and reread all asks but unfortunately have zero energy to reply but chances are it made me cry-#given the asks isnt mean spirited or straight up bots#which my impsoter brain sometimes still tries to make me think#like either woo look at all those people LYING to your face#but i have grown alot since those days and now its mostly just#so look what a nice and lovely absolutely beautiful ask this person send you and you disrespectful fool are not answering it shame upon you#thats most likely why i have been getting less and less and man i feel so bad#like when its asks about drawing advice i either dont know what to say bc i dont have any idea what im doing eihter#or bc i plan a giant response with a big ass illustrated tutorial even tho i know i neither got the time or energy for it#but still cant answer then bc wait you wanted to make a tutorial you cant answer it just like that#and when its a super nice compliment about my art i just#dont know how to express my gratitude and silently reread it time and time again never answering it bc then it would be gone from the inbox#;__;#alright falling asleep brain better not have written sth i will regret reading tomorrow#i think this is the longest tags i put on a completely unrelated post of mine#if you have read all these tags send me an ask only containing the name of your fav fruit and i will make you a little pixel sprite of it
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chilapis · 5 months
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Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.
#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool.#i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had.#and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself#helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher.#but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic.#and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ‘role’ of sorts?#i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just.#hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating#there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow.#i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life.#i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck.#they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points ​in common.#as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate.#it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such.#having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think.#and i’m glad i can be that person for so many.#and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries.#i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well.#but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest#<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help.#sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait#🥀🍷 — colloquy.
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stillfruit · 1 day
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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carehounds · 2 years
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Is it an au if its actually just overcomplicated oc lore set in the same universe that almost has little to nothing to do with the first guys
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raytm · 5 months
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“you know,” luka says, not unkindly, “we did get by without the support of the silvermane guards for quite some time. it’s good of you to help out here, but folks are still kinda wary. you get it, right?” he’s uncertain himself, bolstered by the brash sense of pride that whispers, ‘we don’t need your help now; i can protect them.’
still, the mines are infested and the fragmentum creatures won’t eradicate themselves. he ought to be grateful that the overworld will send in aid now. “regardless, let me know when you’re ready to head out. i’ll be joining you.”
the underworld had thrived without them. the segregation had always felt inviolable, a severance between one world and the other, despite how they had all endured the eternal freeze. it had taken but a solitary, sweeping glance for him to recognize how the citizen’s of the underworld survived in their absence. they had relied on one another, there was no exigency of the silvermane guard here. they would have continued on with or without the liberty to breach that long, dismal passage between their respective worlds. even if they facilitated the change they would be interpreted with dubiety, they had prospered in their complacency for too long, even if he had wanted to change things, his voice was insignificant, nothing more than a frontman for an old, wealthy family. 
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“ I am begging to realize that, more so than I could have ever known.”  luka’s words are not barbed with enmity, more an uninhibited observation, without mandatory niceties, it was preferable, even if it were disorientating, to hear someone speak candidly with him. he had grown accustomed to the formalities of his subordinates and the esurient adulations of aristocrats wanting to line their pockets with wealth. it was different, raw and telling of his own inadequacies. “ but i don’t blame them, we sat idle for too long, in saying that, i won’t forsake this mission.”  it wasn’t out of obligation, gepard had come down here separate from his guard duties, done his utmost to familiarize himself with the labyrinth of streets, lending his aid to natasha, doing all in his power to be an envoy of betterment, even if he were met with resistance, sometimes resentment. It was never going to be as facile as offering them passage to the surface, permitting them some semblance of the normalcy that had always been afforded to those from the overworld. If they harbored animosity towards him he would accept that, it had always been a possibility and he would weather it until they could see him as more than the captain of the guard, but a man, someone who wanted to see things change. as paramount as the guard was, as he was, he had always felt powerless to impact the situation before they were emancipated from the stellaron, now, he was given an opportunity to be present, to do something, and he wasn’t going to neglect it.
“ however, I can see they are in good hands.” brazen as he was, luka was proof that the underworld protected their own, that they confronted adversity together, him accepting gepard’s help, reluctantly or otherwise, was something he was appreciative of. “ lead the way, luka.” and he steps back, allowing the other to take charge, to wield the shield that had been forged for belobog, for all of their people.
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kulemii · 2 years
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i never really realized until recently that i could write smut for myself in the 1st pov and not go to jail. i am a free woman
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bewby · 2 years
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i literally am like so low energy it's terrifying like i'm so depressed and i am so excited when i randomly get these moments where i actually text people back and feel happy and motivated but i'm so tired of waiting for it and i wish i felt like this all the time or at least. felt neutral and not so . tired and lacking in energy. i want friends and i want love but i can't pursue any of that properly because i can't give people proper friendship bwcause i'm so exhausted all the time and i never have time either and when i have time i'm sleeping and exhausted and sad. it all sucks.
i know it's all my fault too and i still deserve love but it's hard for me to see myself that way. everyone just keeps on talking about how people like me who are doing terrible are still deswrving of love. and it's true i think that about everyone who's doing similarly to mw but i also can't blame people for getting really fucking tired of me cjjyhdjduxgjdhshshj🤣🤣🤣
i want to reconnect with my ex/bestfriend but i can't because i don't have the energy. i have so many people on here that i would love to text more and to build a strong friendship with but i have. no. energy. all i do is think about it and get so sad because i can't do anything about all these wishes. everything is getting harder for me to do. and i wish some random miracle would happen that would finally redirect my life into a better direction
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person who have never entered any fandom spaces in their life : Why aren't artists making beautiful art anymore?
#the modern art suck crowd never cease to amaze me with how plain stupid and narrow minded they are#as all they look as is just abstract art which they don't seem to understand the meaning behind it#art is not always just about aesthetic and serve to please someone's eyes#they always serve to consist a meaning or a story the artist that made it wanted to convey#if you want a drawing that looks good to you and fit with your narrow narrative there's something call kitsch art where it please your eyes#and you don't have to complain about how "boring#and stupid they look#anyways back to my main topic#it still boggled me how there's a very good amount of art that are still being made today#yet many still acknowledged it and say art is dead#art isn't dead your discovery ability is dead actually#i have been in many fandom spaces and i have been following alots of famous artists on the internet ever since i was a in my early teen#and the amount of good art i have seen is basically endless#and sometimes i even saw artists in my fandom dropping the most beautiful art i have laid my eye into in a whim#now that's what i call art#my definition of art is something people create from their passion love belief anything and of course it's still exist#because without art how can human live#it's basically human nature#if you think art is dead then you are actually dead mentally#rant#this is also a shout out to all of my artists friends and mutuals#your art never cease to amaze me and i love how sometimes it gives me hope and make me feel happy when i look at it ahhh
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bitchkay · 13 days
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Me watching Haikyuu remembering how I wanted to play volleyball in highschool😔👊🏽💔
#me going to all the girls volleyball teams games#i dont even remember when i first watched haikyuu like the very first time it was a while ago#but i wasnt that into it at the time like i think it watched like the first season and forgot about it#so i can definitely say me wanting to play volleyball was me wanting to play volleyball not just me watching Haikyuu#i remember going to one of the girls volleyball games for the first time and my gay ass was not focused on anything for the first little bit#mind you i went to catholic highschool#but yeah like volleyball and basketball was just one of those sports i actually wanted to play at one point and was actually good at#although i think i would've had a better chance at basketball but i only really wanted to play basketball in grade 9#after that i was a little more into volleyball#i don't think i ever probably rewatched Haikyuu until i was in grade 12 maybe#which btw was 4-5 years ago#i wish i owned more Haikyuu merch i only have a jean jacket with duos printed on the back which btw i really love and is really cute#i would eat as a libero#i don't think you understand when i say i wish i played volleyball guys like i can actually play the sport its not just my imagination#i think im good at receiving but im so fucking ass at serving well thats a lie i just don't like it like i do not like serving guys#idk that's alot of pressure 😳#i cannot spike either like i can definitely do it but yall idk i feel so embarrassed when i do like im shy yall stop looking at me😣😣#also i got hit in the head w a volleyball one time like BAM and was like nah i think that why i never played on a team yall#i have a grudge against sports yall like mfs keep hitting me w the fucking balls#im not even kidding every sport ive played the mf ball will hit me in the head#have you ever been hit in the head w a basketball at 8:30 in the morning in first period gym clas#nah cus basketballs are fucking hard as hell i literally have not played a sport since guys im traumatized#the mf balls are magnitized to my head i cannot step foot in a gym im sorry#rip a potential career sports bcus my height is an advantage but the balls love my head too much(also ive sprained my ankle like 4 times--)#i don't think my ankle ever fully healed cus this definitely a reoccurring injury...#kay just saying shit#haikyuu
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lateseptemberdawn · 7 months
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Its recently dawned on me...like, i think i knew it beforehand always? as in i was subconsciously aware of it since it's literally been true ever since i was a kid with just like two exceptions but even with them 'not really'...that i've never had a constant best friend. like i don't think i've ever had THE one best friend...that doesn't mean i've had many but just that. that ive simply never had a best friend someone who is very exclusively mine and mine alone...when people say "my person"...yeah i don't think ive had that...like ever. not just in a friendship but in like any case. hm thats actually kinda sad welps.
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impostorsshow · 8 months
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Sometimes you just listen to a TikTok audio and get the need to make a post about a self destructive cycle your in only to never acknowledge the post again yknow
The song is Don't Smoke by Mitski, specifically the TikTok version is the Audiotree Live version
#pink bowtie is the only person here whos design actually represents someone#to clarify since like art is of the beholder right but i find drawing to this song specifically ironic#because i am very aware that i have a pattern of blocking people if they're nice to ms#im being the mean one here; im being mean to my newly ex friends and myself#but this time i actually tried to keep friends and my mental health has been the worst it has in years#so i guess i just need friends that are worse than i am to keep my mental health stable??#whatever its just interesting#this is also the first and hopefully the last vent art ill ever draw for a few years#vent art#vent#art#i literally JUST made a post on my other ask blog about my ibis constantly crashing#and it IS BUT i also have feelings. i can work through crashes to get my feelings out alot more than i can for silly dsaf men#the good thing about tumblr is that the people this is about this time wont ever see it since they dont have tumblr or dont follow me#the bad thing is that i DID do this like. 3 times to the sam and max community and like. thats almost all of my followers whoopsie daisy#and like “oh if theyre blocked then they wont see the post” i didnt actually block them since i like seeing their posts. from afae#i just block them every time they follow me#actually that one sam and max server would be surprised to hear that one creepy dude was the person that kept reconnecting me to the server#whatever. i need to stop editing this post for the tags and go to sleep#funny thing is my partner wont see this post despite following me. you would think a partner would care but. ig not thats okay#my partners the only person i think is better than me who i've kept around#but that might be because they dont show. any interest in anything im interested in#im so tired of being the only person to put in effort to keep the relationship alive and be interested in the things they enjoy#but i guess i also do vent to them alot; i only talk about like 10% of my life but having mental disorders will do that ig#i need to stop typing/venting and go to sleep. or at least stop listening to this damn song
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loverboybitch · 11 months
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think i am finally going to quit the job that i hate.//.
#imjustsittinghere#sick of it!!!!!!#tired of working everyday of every weekend at dumbass hours and missing out on doing fun stuff and seeing the people i love#sort of two plans at the moment so keep ur fingers crossed for me#gonna ask my vintage job if theres anyway i can work a full time schedule idk if thatll happen tho#but maybe cause theyre opening a whole new part of the store soon so maybe theyll need an extra person on the schedule all the time#and if not theres another vintage store in the city that keeps posting that theyre trying to hire people#and its good pay and monday to friday hours like bro i need that#dont wanna leave the vintage job i have now cause i like working there alot#so if i cant get more hours maybe i can do part time at both i literally would like that i think#worst case tho if theyll hire me full time monday to friday like maybe ill just do that#just SO sick of working weekends like kills me how much stuff i miss out on truly and the pay isnt even that worth it#like i work less hours but all the hours i do work are like friday and saturday nights its so lame#and my days off are like thursday and monday when nobody i know is ever free#desperate for a change and i actually really like working with clothes like i genuinely enjoy it as opposed to my job i have now#gonna ask about more hours on tuesday when i work and then go drop a resume at the other store thursday next week probably#hopefully anyway i guess we'll see but truly cant do this working weekends shit anymore#turning 25 next month...have been feeling like im in a new era since summer.. truly its time for a change
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mxgicthot · 1 year
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I miss your hc’s about Connor
I'm glad u liked them 🥺
I've been super busy with irl and hyperfixating on a bunch of other stuff, so my brain is all over the place but I still think about my boy :3
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fanficgirl429 · 11 months
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Mike has a feelings for you (fluff)
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Prompt: While babysitting Abby she tells you that Mike has a crush on you
Pairing: Reader x Mike Schmidt
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“I can’t believe I have to fucking work today,” Mike says, pulling his gray security shirt on. “I told them I can only work during the week!”
Your best friend scrambles around the living room, looking for his phone, keys, and wallet- all of which are in various places. You are currently sitting on the couch, watching all of this unfold. He was always leaving his items in various places. How many times had you told him to leave them in the same spot?
He finds his keys and phone and shoves them into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Where is my wallet?” he says, running his fingers through his already messy brown hair.
“Did you check your room?” you ask.
He quickly leaves the room and returns moments later with his wallet in his hand.
Mike let’s out a sigh and looks over at you. “Are you sure you’re ok watching her? I can always call Max.”
“I don’t mind watching her at all,” you tell him.
You stand up and walk over to your best friend. Wrapping your arms around his waist you pull him into a tight hug. He instantly relaxes and wraps his arms around you.
“You have no idea how amazing you are,” Mike tells you, smiling.
You laugh as Mike takes a step back and towards the front door.
“Thank you so much for watching her,” Mike calls. “I owe you!”
“Hey Abs,” you say, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “What are you drawing?”
Abby smiles and passes you the sheet of paper. There is a white house with a large tree and three people standing out front. A man, a woman, and a child.
“You have to tell me who everyone is,” you say, pointing to the three people.
Abby stands up and comes to sit besides you on the bed. Her small hand points to the man on the page, “That’s Mike,” she moves her hand to the woman, “you,” and points to the child, “and that’s me.”
You weren’t shocked that you were drawn- Abby tended to draw the three of you alot. Mike and you had been best friends since middle school and you loved Abby like she was your little sister. Most of her drawings were things the three of you had done together or what she wanted to do with the two of you.
“And who’s house is this?” you question.
“We all live there together,” Abby states.
“Oh, that sounds fun,” you reply.
“Yea! Because you and Mike are going to get married!”
Abby’s comment throws you off. Not once has she ever asked about your and her brother's relationship.
“What makes you think we’re getting married?”
“Because Mike has a crush on you,” Abby says, shrugging.
You laugh. “No he doesn’t.”
Abby nods her head. “Yes he does. He says your name a lot in his sleep.”
“But that doesn’t mean he has a crush on me,” you tell her.
Abby’s silent for a moment then answers quietly. “You make him smile and laugh and he’s always happy when you’re around. He’s not like that around anyone else.”
Her answer surprises you but kids are very perceptive. Instead of pressing any further, you tell Abby to start to get ready for bed.
“Do you have a crush on Mike?” Abby askes as you tuck her in to her bed.
“Oh…um…yea, I do,” you tell her.
Little does Abby know but you are in love with her brother.
Abby smiles and nods and you turn the light off, closing the door behind you as you walk back to the living room.
—-
Abby falls asleep quickly and you sit in the living room watching tv. Your mind keeps going back to conversation with Abby. Does Mike really have a crush on you?
Abby doesn't know it (well maybe she figured it out) but you’ve had feelings for Mike for a long time. You loved your relationship with Mike and didn’t want to jeopardize it so you never made any indication or moves towards him. You had hoped that maybe he would be the first one to make a move but he never did.
All of the sudden it hits you, how tired you are. You stand up from the couch and stretch and slowly walk back towards Mikes room. This isn’t the first time you had slept over. Many times after Abby had gone to sleep, you and Mike would stay up together, hanging out. At first Mike insisted that you sleep at his house but now he didn’t even have to say anything- you would just crash on his bed, next to him.
It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep and a few hours later, the bed dips slightly as Mike lays down next to you- waking you but only for a brief moment.
—-
The sun peeks through the curtains in Mikes room and the smell of bacon and pancakes wake you up from your sleep.
The spot on the bed next to you is disheveled -the only evidence that Mike has slept there.
As you lay in bed for another minute, you hear voices drifting down the hallway. You can’t make out what they are saying but you can tell it’s Mike and Abby.
Standing up, you walk into the hallway but hang back for a moment- waiting to see what they are talking about.
“Did you know that Y/N had a crush on you?” Abby tells Mike.
“How do you know?” you hear him ask.
“She told me,” Abby states matter of factly.
It’s then that you decide to walk into the small kitchen. Abby and Mike are both sitting at the small kitchen table, eating bacon and pancakes.
“Morning,” you say, walking over to the coffee maker.
“Morning,” Abby and Mike say at the same time.
Mike's hair is sticking up in various directions and he looks like he just woke up. His dark t-shirt hugs his frame and you know he’s wearing his favorite pair of flannel pajama pants.
“I’m going to go draw,” Abby says, leaving you and Mike alone in the kitchen.
Mike watches as you pour yourself a glass of coffee but don’t turn around to face him.
“So,” he begins. “Abby told me something interesting…”
“And what was that?” you question, although you already know the answer.
“She said that you have a crush on me.”
“Oh. Why would she say that?”
“She said that you told her you did.”
You turn around to face your best friend, your eyes locking with his. His cheeks are slightly pink and it makes you feel better that this conversation might be slightly embarrassing for him as well.
“I-uh-,” you stammer.
Mike stands up and walks over to you and your back presses against the counter. He slowly moves his hands to your waist, waiting to see how you’ll react. When you don’t move away, he grips your waist, his brown eyes locking with yours.
“What if I told you that I had a crush on you?” he says.
A soft smile crosses your lips and Mike reaches up and places his hand against your cheek, his thumb moving in small circles.
You move your arms up and snake them around his neck, waiting for him to make the next move. His body is pressed against yours and you can feel his heart pounding against his chest.
Within moments, he leans down and brushes his lips against yours before pulling away.
“Why did you stop?” you tease him.
He smiles as his presses his lips against yours and they move together, almost as if the two of you had done this before.
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