#i have so many thoughts about calico jack i am never not thinking about him actually

[octoagentmiles]

thinking about how this:

this perspective shot right here 👆 where Kwazii's explaining how his grandfather "Once set out to find [the hidden city], but was never heard from again..."

is most likely a real memory. the last memory Kwazii had of Calico Jack: watching him leave.

[girlbossblackbeard]

THOUGHTS AND LAYERS

i spent literally an hour analyzing this trailer at 0.5 speed. this post is long af and these thoughts are in no particular order and are poorly organized:

-there's a big storm (which I think was already confirmed), and ed gets swept overboard by a bucket on a rope:

he then crawls up out of the water onto the beach

then goes into the forest, creates a hut, has a journey of healing and self-discovery, meets hornigold (or his ghost??)

and kills him thus killing the part of himself that he hated the most (his violence) as a parallel to stede finally getting rid of nigel's ghost by accepting and believing in himself

-in the stede/ed split screen, the stede shot is from the first ep of s2 right after stede finds the marooned crew at the end of ep 10 in s1 (you can tell bc his hair and clothes are still clean, there's no gay bandana around his neck, and that's his lil dinghy buttons is rowing)

-they go to shore and wind up at the merchants shop where "susan" overhears they're tracking down blackbeard

and she invites stede's crew onto her ship, cue the outfit change in the BTS photos:

-the way stede makes that little swishy turn in the red coat -

makes me think this may be first time he's been in fine clothes since his "death" and i hope we get a moment of him reflecting on how he gave up everything for ed only to have him hate him :( but then obviously realizing that ed is worth it and he'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant getting a chance at spending the rest of his life with him

-izzy and stede team up, and izzy is clearly training either himself or stede on the revenge (?)

soooooo many questions: what caused him to leave ed and join stede's crew? is he fighting with ed and is training to take him out or is he just done having his love be unrequited so he leaves and just so happens to stumble into stede? is izzy thinking that if he can't cut out the longing he has for ed he has to kill him instead so the pain will go away? what, pray tell, the fuck is going on in here on this day

-wee john in the mermaid costume (and olu in a bunny or donkey costume?):

a fuckery? or just a weird acid trip? OR IS IT THE TALENT SHOW THEY NEVER GOT TO HAVE??

-ed really does force everyone on his crew to wear war paint

-all the tally marks scratched into the walls - is that the number of days since stede bonnet broke ed's heart?

-ed in the forest in PEARL NECKLACE HELLOW????????

-the tear in ed's eye as he moves the cake toppers closer together which he also painted to make the lady look more like him he literlaly is in love wiht stede so bad wht the FUCJ

-ed's crew is murdering SO MANY PEOPLE at the wedding wtf (pic not included bc scary)

-delusional moment but i hope anne bonny on stede's lap is looking at calico jack off screen

-stede and ed are running towards each other on the black sand beach (thank you @sluterastede for pointing this out to me wtf!!!!!!)

which evolves my theory that ed in the forest goes through his healing journey and realizes he wants to openly love stede again but then the navy attack and stede just so happens to have found ed at the same time and they're fighting to get to each other and taking out everyone in their way (what if that was okracoke lmao)

-the swede and spanish jackie hooking up in the trailer

makes me think the bts shot of ed and jackie is them looking at stede and the swede, and ed being SO in love with stede obvi but jackie is watching the swede do some weirdly hot shit so she's gotta have him (what if they got married and he became her umpteenth husband in a drunken vegas-like shotgun wedding where she wakes up the next day to realize what has happened lmao)

-also this pic is DEF from the reunited/make up era bc ed's half-up hair, no makeup, soft eyes, and buttons' clothing. i am weeping

-stede in pain - is it an injury or a tattoo? or torture as @sluterastede posits?? he looks down at his lower body before screaming so maybe he knows what's about to happen to him??

-ed in the forest wearing the pearl necklace (see above), ed saying "fuck you stede bonnet" wearing the pearl necklace (see below)

does he pick it up at the wedding??? (theory credit to @sluterastede!!!! can u tell we watched the trailer together 400 times) i can't tell if he's wearing it in the one wide shot of him in that scene:

but regardless of when he acquires it, does he take it bc he remembers stede said he wears fine things well???? and he starts to believe he may deserve them??

-side note about a LACK of something: ed isn't wearing the cravat at all in the trailer near as i can tell, and he's not wearing the pearl necklace when throwing knives at the wall (at least from what I can see, which is not much) which leads me to believe that scene is in the earlier part of the season

-lastly, the most important song lyrics from the trailer (the beautiful ones by prince):

and that's my dissertation on the ofmd season 2 teaser trailer thank you

[izzyshand]

hey, uh weird question, but I saw u reblog that thing about Izzy with that whip once and you said in the tags that you had sad headcanons about it 👀please share. For the canyon

* referencing this post btw.

hey ! it's not a weird question, honestly i'm flattered that anyone wants to hear my silly little opinions. so thank you for asking ! disclaimer that these are just my own personal thoughts regarding izzy's whip that he carries on his hip during the kraken era. they're all informed by (& i think consistent with) canon, but i do pull a lot of backstory out of thin air just for funsies.

first, we should note that flogging-as-punishment was more common aboard navy vessels than pirate ships during the age of piracy, though certainly not unheard of for pirates as well. we should also bear in mind that ed doesn't have any flogging scars, whereas izzy seems to have many. it is my personal headcanon that izzy was in the navy previously, & thus he likely earned lashings while in the navy, whereas ed did not.

& we could simply end there. or if you're me, you could look at the apparent several different layers of scarring on izzy's back, implying multiple separate floggings, & decide to make it Much Worse for fun !

one of the few pirates who does seem likely within the canon to dole out floggings as punishment was the notoriously cruel hornigold, who we know ed sailed with after joining piracy. we know that calico jack sailed with them as well (we don't see his back so we don't know if he has flogging scars), & i personally think that izzy must have sailed with them as well after deserting the navy in order to make the timeline of his sailing with ed for >20 years make sense.

considering that this puts them all in an environment where flogging was likely on the table, this makes it all the more compelling that ed's back is lash-free. especially given that i really don't see ed as the kind of person to never rebel, never once get into trouble (even while under calico jack's influence), never do a thing that warranted punishment from hornigold. however, given his trauma & hallucination-hornigold's behavior in the gravy basket, i think it's very possible that ed simply suffered other, more "creative" punishments under hornigold. & to that end, given ed's clear discomfort with violence, inflicting violence, especially on someone he was close to, would be a punishment in itself for ed.

what's more is that if we allow that perhaps ed was a gifted sailor & pirate who eventually excelled enough be appointed hornigold's quartermaster/first mate, it would then become part of ed's duties to dole out the punishments — including floggings. & at this point i think that you can see where i'm going with this.

in my mind, one of the reasons for the discrepancy in their flogging scars could be because izzy "took" ed's flogging punishments under hornigold's orders. while ed was the one holding the whip, it was absolutely meant to be punishment for both of them, with the dual purpose of punishment & helping to make ed "toughen up."

but what hornigold likely didn't know is that izzy is a masochist who actually likes the pain. & izzy is also an "if i can't be useful who am i" ass bitch who sees taking a flogging from & for ed as an act of service, & the responsibility of being the one to take on pain for him as a kind of intimacy. he's a fucked up lil guy who processed it in a fucked up way, & he didn't hate it all nearly as much as ed did, even tho he was the one that ended up bleeding.

which means that once they broke off from hornigold & ed became captain & izzy became his quartermaster/first mate, the floggings would have likely stopped. because of course they did, because ed hated them. & actually, it would become izzy's job to dole out punishments to a disobedient crew member. but the thing is that if ed didn't order a flogging (which he wouldn't, because he hated them), then i just don't think izzy would willingly dole them out.

this could be a whole separate post (which i'm sure others have already made better than i could), but i don't think izzy enjoys handing out physical violence. we see him engage in physical violence only when he feels it necessary, & prefers, like ed, to hide behind the threat of violence wherever possible. in s1 we see him threatening violence, & delegating violence to fang & ivan, & even using the powers of the navy to apply violence (which he argues as being "a humane way of ending things" for stede). but aside from the duel with stede & one light smack to black pete's head which doesn't appear to hurt & is played for laughs, he does nothing to personally harm anyone in s1 — an important distinction i think for someone whose last name is literally hands. & i'm firmly in the camp of thought that izzy is not a sadist, does not particularly enjoy inflicting violence, & does not want to be the person holding the whip. he would do it, if ed ordered it of him. but ed doesn't, so he doesn't.

so then we get to the referenced post & what is, to me, the ultimate question here : why then is izzy wearing the flogger during the kraken era, given that it was nowhere to be seen in s1 & does not stay after the kraken is gone? why does it come back out during the kraken era if izzy doesn't use it?

well, this could be many things. some people have pitched that ed started using it on izzy himself, but i'm not personally feeling that. ed doesn't like to hurt izzy, he only does it when he feels trapped or pushed into it, & flogging izzy would have been a traumatic thing for him to endure while on hornigold's ship. instead, i think that making izzy carry the whip is a way of ed calling out izzy's "weakness." in 1.10, izzy essentially called ed weak ("namby pamby"). in izzy's mind this meant that ed is no longer capable of inspiring fear & obedience in the crew, & thus incapable of keeping them safe. but what ed heard was "you are being too openly emotional &, crucially, not violent enough."

but ed is one of the only people that knows that izzy has a similar aversion to violence as he does. so ed making izzy carry the whip (which, i'm compelled to repeat, it would be izzy's duty as first mate to hand out punishments, including floggings) is like a constant reminder to izzy that he could use it on the crew, it's even his duty to use it on the crew. yet he won't. it's ed saying if i'm weak, then so are you. it's ed saying you want to be this? then be it, & making him confront the fact that he won't. it's ed daring izzy to do what he did, what izzy is now telling him to do again, & izzy failing to rise to his challenge. it's ed making izzy carry around a reminder of the simple fact that if ed is weak, then izzy is weak too.

the spectre of blackbeard, which izzy says was the both of them, was essentially a blanket threat of violence they used to protect themselves. & if you accept my backstory & headcanons for them, then when framed against the floggings that ed was forced to deliver unto izzy in their youth, we can see blackbeard as a through-line not only for the floggings of the past but for violence & piracy itself — something that izzy doesn't particularly like any more than ed does, but clings to out of fear long after ed was ready to be rid of it all.

[chained-to-the-mirror]

Time to ramble a bit! I am still battling my pirate induced insomnia... and yesterday my nurse suggested to me that I should try to write out my thoughts more. So, I’m putting this under a cut so as to not subject you all to unwanted musings 😆 A lot of it is about - yep, you guessed it - Ed.

I am so obsessed with how Ed wants to please people. He wants to be whatever the other person wants him to be - and it backfires constantly because he has multiple people he is interacting with. He has Stede, Stede’s crew, Izzy, Calico Jack... they all want a different Ed! I think in We Gull Way Back, it sort of becomes the most apparent that he can’t juggle it all. He tries, but the expectations are so different from each other. And of course there is the problem of “who am I really” that he hasn’t solved yet. God, I can’t wait for him to finally learn about himself... And it will be so interesting to see Edward. 

But anyway, pleasing people and giving them what they want. Oh boy do I relate! It’s so painful to watch. And another difficult thing is that up to a point, he is rewarded for his behaviour. He is well loved - I was just talking with a friend about this. He is the dreaded Blackbeard, but really, everyone he interacts with loves him? How is that scary? He has such charisma, though of course he can be terrifying too if he so chooses. 

In a way, I’m not surprised that he hasn’t really tried to get to know himself until now. Why would he? It’s a messy business, and there’s a big chance that he won’t like himself in the end. And what’s worse - OTHERS may not like him. He fears this, especially when it comes to Stede. And of course the worst happens, and Stede leaves him. He has no way of knowing what the real reason is... Now I’m thinking of that post that shows Ed as someone who gives up instantly as soon as there’s a setback. It’s so true, and so relatable. I want to hug him and gently encourage him forward! He needs real friends, who would carefully push him forward in those moments. Stede was sort of like that, and Lucius is definitely like that. (I see such potential for their friendship, because Lucius is ALIVE and I won’t hear anything different.) As things are now, he has no one. 

This is a true ramble. I’m just writing out loud, I guess.

I watched We Gull Way Back last night and it really is the hardest episode for me, in many ways. (Even harder than Wherever You Go... which is saying a lot!) Part of it is Jack’s bully behavior, which does trigger me a bit, but also the discomfort of both Ed and Stede. I relate to them both in different ways, so it’s sort of double pain. Damn this show, making me feel feelings! I have not really accessed my bullying memories very much in a long time now, but this is bringing it back to the surface (among other things...) No wonder I’m sleeping so poorly. It’s sort of an abuse trauma, I guess? Not the same as what Ed has, but still a trauma. I guess adapting to your company and being a people pleaser is second nature to people with a history of abuse. I haven’t really thought about that until now, not when it comes to myself. I was bullied for years and years, not just on occasion but pretty much constantly. I guess it leaves a mark, even though it was never really physical. 

I should talk about this with my nurse next week. I have not talked about these things in years. Maybe it’s time to do that now - maybe enough time has passed and I’m able to distance myself from it? I don’t know.

This got long! I wonder if anyone read up to this point 😅 Thank you if you did. I feel a bit like Ed after his song in Wherever You Go... laid bare in a way. But this is Tumblr - it’s all about yelling into the void here 😆 So I think I’m safe.

[poorly-drawn-dinosaur]

so i woke up at like 2 am thinking about this and i just. i need to put it out there

how ofmd differentiates between sex and intimacy because MY LORD (also yes this contains spoilers)

okay so i need to preface this with the fact that i myself am greyace, BUT i consider myself rather intimate person. and honestly? i think this show represents it rather well.

we’ll get into ed and stede later, but i want to give a HUGE shoutout to the crew of the revenge themselves. to me, the delicacy and trust with each other’s emotions, and the eventual rescuing for stede??? these people (pirates mind you), didn’t really give a shit about all the amenities they got, and especially disliked stede. but through time and patience, they’ve grown close and it’s so. you can tell i’m a slut for chosen family right?

okay so now it’s time for the reason that i woke up in a cold sweat.

RIGHT off the bat we’re shown ed and stede in a super vulnerable place. stede has been stabbed by the spanish, laying ill in the bed. and then as he wakes up, ed gives him his real name. not his persona. the name he’s only allowed his first mate (and person he trusted the most) to use. there’s also the fact that ed starts talking about all his most personal issues with the man he just met did NOT go unnoticed. ed has this immediate trust with this man, and hey!!! so does stede!!! while stede is generally a much more trusting and naïve person, he lets ed into his auxiliary closet, which one could consider his most prized possession. by metaphorically letting ed into his heart and ed revealing his identity immediately, it’s evident how close they’re going to grow.

but i can hear you saying “that’s cool and so true, but dino what does this have to do with porkin’?”. don’t you worry, i’ve got you covered. while stede and ed have an intimate relationship, in their pirate society (along with many antagonists in the show), the deeper intimate connection isn’t considered real. for example, in episode 6, izzy says “if i didn’t know any better, i’d say he’d been seduced by him”. the key there is the fact that he said “seduced” as opposed to “enamored” or “fell in love with him”. to me personally, seduced is a directly sexual term. and later in the episode, the run through is the fucking best sex joke ever seen in a sexual light. while it canonically is a metaphor for gay sex, i do also see it as an action of trust and intimacy. izzy’s thought is just “fuck they’re RAWDOGGIN’ on the DECK” when the actual context of the situation is so much more than that.

and calico jack. ho boy. besides the whole ex boyfriend persona (also the funniest thing i’ve ever watched thank you david jenkins), it’s also very obvious that he viewed he and ed’s relationship as strictly “two men bored at sea don’t have much more to do”. the two of them never had the intimacy stede and ed had. hell, jack even mentions the fact that “blackie would have you for using his name”, showing that ed had never found a trust in anyone besides stede (and izzy but that’s a WHOLE other rant). the show creates a clear difference between the purely sexual relationship between calico jack and ed, and the closer more intimate relations with stede and ed.

so where does this leave us? one, it leaves me sounding absolutely insane. but two, it also helps me feel personally more represented. between the “you wear fine things well” to the soft scared kiss to ed begrudgingly going on a safari journey because it’ll make stede happy, the two of them have such fucking close ties. which, of course, made stede’s abandonment hurt even MORE. however, their connections and trust and passion and LOVE for each other, while possibly slowly, will bring them back together. because if they had a purely carnal relationship, then reuniting wouldn’t work as well. but because their intimacy is through the roof? i think it’s going to be okay between the two of them.

[octonaut-belle]

sorry for the uncomfortable ask, but do you have ideas about trans!Kwazii backstory?

This isn’t uncomfortable! Please feel free to ask all you’d like! I do want to say that i myself am not trans, im demigirl! So I do my best to look into the sorts of things but can get things wrong and come off as uneducated. Always feel free to correct me :D

Before we begin, some prefacts:

A yellow cat being born female is actually rather uncommon, so I think this plays into Kwazii’s thoughts as he grew up.

As a young cat, Kwazii grew up in a family that very gender nonconforming. If a male member of the family wanted to wear a dress, alright, okay! Female identifying members were never put down or made to do lower positions. It was all based on skill.

His mother was how he related to calico Jack. And kwazii, well kwazii CONSTANTLY looked up to his grandpa, his family were honest in how much he looked like calico, and how much the two acted the same. He also had quite a few brothers (that also resembled calico.) and a few sisters, though they tended to lean more on his mother’s side of actual an calico cat. Kwazii was the only bio female in the family that took after Calico Jack.

Kwazii wasn’t very old when he realized “hey… maybe I’m… not happy how I am.” But it took him a very long time to realize what was causing it. And the catalysis was when his grandmother, in her older state, accidentally called kwazii, “a handsome young man.” mistaking him for one of his brothers. That little feeling of euphoria he felt, he DANCED he was so excited, and of course the first person he told was his mother.

Slowly the crew transfers from calling kwazii she/her to he/him, it takes a while, and Calico Jack disappears soon after he starts using Kwazii as his name, but before him using he/him pronouns was well known in the family.

Kwazii begins climbing the ranks, a true mirror of Calico Jack, his crew is very supportive, and the medical professional even preforming a very primitive version of top surgery. (Kwazii was very happy with it!) (this stems from “pirate boob removal” a joke from a while ago.)

Tragedy strikes when illness wreaks through his crew, taking out many, and the rest… sadly disappearing in a crash, responded too by none other then Captain Barnacles.

So it goes, he joins the crew. He’s rather open about it, captain is confused, of course, but tweak and inkling explain it to him and soon enough get Kwazii on HRT, Tweak used to help him with injections and medications until peso joined!

[sillyman-inc]

DAMMIT I HAD A WHOLE POST AND IT JUST UP AND DELETED ITSELF

FINE OKOK

Hi welcome to: random art projects I’m planning to work on once I actually have more time in my life followed up by random screenshots I have of mainly the octonauts cause yk.

Ok so first of all, I’m working on an octonauts AU! And now I explain what that is: so it’s basically like, if the prehistoric creatures who lived in the sea were still around because I genuinely find that to be such a cool concept and idea. I’ll put more work and research into it but yea there’s that.

Second- I’m gonna be working on multiple different animations/animatics ! One of them is gonna be to the song Cinnamon + Pollen which is a really nice song, about Undertale!! The song artist is super nice too so I seriously recommend checking out her stuff. I’ll link the song here:

And I got permission to do so, as long as I gave credit ofc :D

Second project, Deltarune one! To this song

Specifically the “recognize that I could be the eye, the eye of the storm, I am not my body, not my mind, or my brain, not my thoughts and feelings, I am not my dna, I am the observer on the witness of life” or however there bit goes. And that’s cause those lyrics really remind me of Kris!

Third, this one is one I made for an art class but never finished cause I had to drop the class cause of other reasons but you guys get to see what I have for it :D

Song: Alien Blues - Vundabar

Yea

I also wanted to animate with a prompt I got from @ohboyitsmiles ! Which was Kwazii getting kidnapped by a group of pirates, mistaking him for Calico Jack. I was going to animate this to the song Charlie’s Inferno - That Handsome Devil which is this song:

But I made an edit to the song so mine sounds a bit different, I can’t share it atm due to only one video also I gotta mess around with some audio stuff for it. But yea. There’s that.

Also I know I won’t be able to do this probably because I’m a bit silly and think I can do things only to realize I’m one person and. Yea. But I really wanted to reanimate some octonauts stuff. Like I was sitting in my room in the middle of the night and went “yea what if I reanimated an ENTIRE episode. BY MYSELF.” Can you tell I don’t have many friends /j

Anyways!!! Yea, anyways here’s some silly screenshots I have:

Have a lovely evening

[thepulta]

A/N: Update: Am still garbage so I wrote this backstory thing so my children could yell at each other. Extremely fluffy. Diabetus tag. Additional unnecessary cursing tag because Morgan literally was raised in a bar.

-=-

Westlie turned on the light to see a Morgan-shaped lump already in her bed. She sighed. “Hey.”

No response.

Westlie was too tired to care. Her feet felt like lead bricks. She kicked off her boots and sank into the seat at the vanity, closing her eyes as she undid her hair with quick, practiced movements. Her vest got tossed aside and she eventually pulled over her nightgown, straightening it with a quick slap. The light from the window filtered through the room, a soft irridescent orange-red, as she picked up her miscellaneous things; it had been a soot-filled day. When she was done Westlie shut the curtains tight, finally moving to her side of the bed with the suspicious lump under it.

The fuck am I going to do with you, Morgan? Westlie stood there for a minute, contemplating being nice or being a total ass and pulling her onto the floor. She settled for being a sisterly ass and flicking her finger twice on Morgan’s cheek. There was an angry growl and a shift under the covers; Morgan flipped her off. Mission accomplished.

“Move over. You’re not four anymore.”

She listened the first time, surprisingly. Westlie groaned as she finally laid down and her feet stopped screaming, faxing herself into the disappointingly warm sheets. The house was pleasantly silent now. Some crickets somewhere; the occasional creak of it settling. Westlie sighed and melted into the bed before realizing, almost half-way to sleep, she probably should do her sisterly duty. “Any reason you’re in my bed?”

No response. Morgan was out again.

Westlie kicked her. “Morgan.”

“…stars you’re such an ass.”

“It’s my bed. You have a perfectly good one two doors down.”

“’m haven’t seen you in a week. Thought I’d say hi.”

That was… surprisingly sweet. “Thanks. …It’s been busy at the shop.”

“I know, I know. It’s always busy.” Morgan rolled over to face her with a hint of grumpiness, eyes still shut as she re-huddled under the blankets. “What was it this time?”

Westlie puffed out a breath. “Blemmigans today. 150 of them.”

Morgan opened one eye. “That’s kind of cute.”

“Not when they escape and bite your customers so you have to chase said customer down the street, free them from the clutches of the traumatized blemmigan and apologize.”

Morgan snort-chuckled, closing her eyes again. “Let me guess; this customer was not at all grateful for the rescue.”

“Could not be less grateful. They actually wacked me with their parasol.” Westlie rubbed her middle, testing the ache. It wasn’t bruising yet but it would. It definitely would.

She got both eyes open at that. “They actually hit you?”

“Mmhm.”

“What a cunt.”

Had it really been a week since they’d talked? Westlie could never keep track of time. The days blurred into each other, especially around the end of the month when half her nights were spent in paperwork and the other half was grabbing sleep before fixing whatever the rest of the staff had managed to fuck up within a 12 hour period. She felt vaguely guilty. “What have you been up to?”

“No no, I want to hear more about this bitch with a parasol. Why was she there in the first place?”

Westlie had tried to erase that whole incident from her mind. There had been multiple people on the street staring. It was one of those things you woke up from the memory in a cold sweat twenty years later. “Mm…. candles and squid ink…? And calico? Something like that. Stupid shit. We don’t even have calico.”

“Was she just tall and looking for a fight? That’s so stupid. Paint me a picture of her.”

Westlie groaned. “I don’t really-”

Morgan rolled onto her elbows. “Let me guess, she had brown hair, an evil bitch face, and multiple warts.”

“Brown hair, no warts, some bitch face, yes.”

“Mm, she looked pretty but squeals like a girl when the blemmigan got her.” Westlie tried to hide a smile but Morgan caught it. “… You definitely laughed when it bit her.”

“I did not! I was very concerned for my customer!”

Morgan laughed, flopping on her back in the bed, grinning. “You did!”

Westlie broke and laughed too. “Oh she was such a bitch. I hate her. I think she said her name was… Vennedti? Something like that. She kept throwing it around. ‘How dare you insult the Vennedti name!’ ‘My father will speak to your employer about this!’ ‘A Vennedti treated in this manner!’ Oh she was so dumb.” Westlie burrowed into the blankets and smiled at her sister. Morgan smiled back. “Now what about you?”

“Oh, everyone at our bar is fine. Do you remember that rich asshole Fennigan?”

Westlie tried to remember; there was a vision of handlebar mustache and stovepipe hat, but little else. “… Two whiskeys, one gin and tonic…?”

“Close. Two whiskeys, one cider.” Morgan flopped on her back. “I finally got him banned after he insulted Three-Ciders-Two-Rum’s aunt. I suppose there’s a dramatic scandal somewhere because they - Fennigan and the aunt - were definitely going out, but the aunt rebuffed him after she found a Tackety to run away with. Just up and left! No notes. She was an old maid too; like thirty or so. But anyway.” Morgan flopped on her elbows again. “Fennigan walks in upset; nobody in the bar gives a shit because we’re not nosy assholes. He gets his whiskey and starts whining to John - you know, the barkeep.”

“Right.”

“Like, two hours of this, he’s super drunk; wants to play cards, so he goes into the corner and I’m playing with Three-Ciders-Two-Rum in the corner. Was it whist? No, I think it was loo or something; not important.” She waved the details away. “Fennigan is a little bitch and whines for us to cut him in. He dumped like idk, 50 sovereigns on the table, and obviously he’s drunk as fuck. In the beginning he was holding his cards right but eventually we could just see what he had.”

Westlie smiled a little as Morgan grew more animated, leaning on her side to listen.

“Four rounds in we’re both 25 sovereigns richer and he’s livid. Just tossing in the pot hoping for a full on win. Then I got the bad hand. His cards were basically on the table at that point because he’d had like five drinks too many; only it was better than mine, so I told Three-Ciders-Two-Rum to slip me his queen and a jack since he won the last two rounds, and Fennigan lost his mind. Apparently I look like that skanky aunt to a drunk man. I’ve never liked him anyway, so I told him to fuck off and that she left because his top hat was obviously compensating for such a tiny dick.”

Morgan paused for Westlie’s appreciative snort of laughter.

“Fennigan overturned the table and tried to deck me. Three-Ciders-Two-Rum only needed a little prodding for him to defend his aunt’s honor, and then fifteen minutes later Fennigan was out a top hat and 50 sovereigns, bruised and on the street. I cited the damages and got John to ban him.” Morgan dramatically illustrated a headline in the air. “Local Stovepipe Loses Bride and Loses Pride.” She flopped back on the mattress. “That was a great Thursday. Oh I got all 50 of those sovereigns, by the way. They’re in your drawer.”

Westlie had stopped questioning Morgan’s reasoning 6 years ago so the fact they were in her drawer not Morgan’s was more surprising than their existence. “I thought you said Three-Ciders-Two-Rum won half the rounds.”

“Eh, I made sure he broke even. He was too busy slugging; it’s his fault.”

“I feel like I need to lecture you on the vice of theft.”

Morgan poked the tip of Westlie’s nose, grinning. “Alls fair when it’s sitting on the card table.”

“They overturned the table!”

“Shhh, shh shh shh. Semantics, Wes. We were playing cards, he was very drunk, and now he’s missing 50 sovereigns. No harm in that.”

“You’re a pain in the ass.”

“A pain in your ass,” Morgan corrected. “John appreciates me.”

“He absolutely does not. You cause a fight once a week.”

“And I help clean up after! I’m a dutiful member of my local community.”

“So many fights….” Westlie groaned, rolling over to eye her sister for half a second before grabbing her pillow and pinning it down on Morgan’s face. “Can you win this one?!”

There was a muffled ‘..Fucker!’ before Westlie got kneed right in the stomach and she keeled over. “I’ll beat your ass!”

Westlie ducked the right hook, and tackled Morgan around the stomach, pinning her back down to the bed. “I’ve still got weight on you!”

“You are such a bitch! I was feeling so sorry for you with that Venni cunt.” Morgan twisted her legs around and Westlie felt herself biting the bed with a pillow shoving her head down from behind. “Do feathers taste good? I’ve never bothered to find out.”

Westlie wriggled a shoulder free, holding her breath and betting on Morgan’s vindictive two-hand hold on the pillow to continue while she caught her sister’s wrist and yanked. Morgan tipped, thrown off balance and Westlie scrambled on top to pin her arms and legs down. “Aha!”

Morgan squirmed for a full minute, trying to toss Westlie off before she flopped back and rolled her eyes. “Alright, alright. Uncle.” Westlie grinned as she popped off, collected her pillow and flopped back under the covers. Morgan sulked as she did the same. “If I’d known you’d just lecture and be a dick the whole time I would have stayed in my room.”

Westlie poked the tip of her nose. “But you’re nice.”

“You’re mean.”

“I’m mean,” Westlie agreed. For full sulking aesthetic Westlie sat up and tucked in her little sister on the other side of the bed. Morgan eyed her with the look that said she was annoyed, but equally pleased before yawning.

Westlie caught the yawn as she fell back under the covers and they laid there, sleep catching up with them. There was a long pause until Morgan shifted a little.

“When are you going to come out with me again, Wes?”

“Mm,” Westlie curled under the blankets and shrugged after mentally reviewing her list of to-dos. “Things should die down in a few more days. You know how the end of the month is. And I can handle more things now I’m 18 so there’s that too.”

Morgan sighed quietly, and just like that the house felt big and empty and lonely. “…I miss you.”

They were only two years apart, but Westlie could feel the separation and she was reminded, again, of their estrangement in some ways; and that in many respects, they were each others’ only real family. She rolled on her side and reached over, squeezing Morgan gently with one arm. “Hey, it’s ok. I’ll have a night off soon.”

“You always say that.”

Westlie didn’t know how to respond, hesitating. She finally sighed and squeezed her a little tighter. “…I miss you too.”

Morgan felt very small and Westlie remembered when they were far smaller and fit much better in the same moderately-sized bed. She would come running in during storms or if the soot from the factories nearby made scary shapes in the clouds. Westlie was not good at comforting and it didn’t help that now she couldn’t scoff at the clouds or the thunder and tell Morgan to wait an hour. There was nothing else she could do except hold her. Even that was a bit empty now since Morgan wasn’t quite a child anymore and hadn’t ever really been a child, like Westlie; affection was a poor subsitute for false promises. But she was here, and Westlie genuinely couldn’t give her a date, a tomorrow, a next week. Westlie sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You have your own problems,” Morgan said quietly. “I know.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

Morgan rolled back over and gently touched the tip of Westlie’s nose. “I might not like it, but I understand.”

Westlie sighed again and let go of her, curling up tighter in the blankets. “How does you coming in here always make me feel guilty?”

“Because you know I’m right.”

Westlie rolled her eyes. “Says the one who stole 50 sovereigns from some poor stovepipe sap.”

“Stealing and emotional intelligence are not mutually exclusive.”

“Mmph, spare me.” But Westlie couldn’t resist a smile, interrupted by yet another yawn.

She felt Morgan curl up tighter in the blankets, settling in. “Good night, Wes.”

“… If I get those letters written and the cargo done we can go out tomorrow.”

“Sure, Wes.” There was a hopeful lilt in Morgan’s voice, but it stayed tempered. Westlie knew that look and she didn’t open her eyes to check.

“Night, Morgan.”

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode 10: Medium Rare

View on Google Docs

Summary: September 15, 2015 - Sammy & Ben welcome in studio guest, medium Miss Olivia DuPont, however a miscommunication of her talents brings up some painful memories that both Ben & Deputy Troy wish to forget.

[podcast intro music]

Sammy [agitated] I’m not gonna debate you ma’am, I’m just trying to say that gravity really isn’t something that’s up for discussion, sheesh.

Ben [amused] Don’t take it personally. Mrs. Bodenheimer told me in third grade that she didn’t believe in air.

Sammy …conditioning?

Ben Oh, no! Air. In general. She thought oxygen was a satanic fairy tale concocted by God-hating scientists.

Sammy [disbelieving] Yet she was in charge of educating you and hundreds of other youngsters.

Ben College diploma goes a long way in a little town, buddy.

Sammy Alright, well up next we’ve got a pretty interesting visitor coming in studio with us.

Ben Hopefully so!

Sammy O— you don’t know her?

Ben I do not, but she sent us a ton of emails during the electrolocaust and said she was a big fan.

Sammy All of them say she has a special talent she’d like to share with us and the listeners

Ben Absolutely, and she’ll be coming up after a word from our sponsors.

[dramatic eerie music]

Announcer On the season premier of the nation’s number one paranormal investigation show: Mission Apparition. [theatrical crash] Dan and the team find themselves in a sticky situation. [static]

Dan [echoing] They had to shut this place down after all the accidents. This is Tanner’s Taffy factory and it’s been abandoned since 1991. [static]

Announcer …or has it?

Dan There’s, uh— God there’s a lot of EVP activity around [walkie talkie sound] Larry, Larry I’d think you better go.

[theatrical crash]

Dan [walkie click] [hushed] Larry? Larry! [walkie click] Larry go!

Larry [creepy, ascending, violin-screech sound effects] [through walkie] I see the lights, man, I see it

Dan Larry move your ass!

Announcer It’s another can’t-miss episode from the show that doesn’t miss a thing when it comes to the extraordinary: Mission Apparition

[News music]

NEWS ANCHOR Season premier, tonight at 9pm on King Falls Channel 13.

[KFAM theme]

Ben That is- ridiculous.

Sammy We’re live, Ben.

Ben I know! It doesn’t change the fact that “Mission Apparition” sucks as much as the channel that shows it.

Sammy It sounded pretty interesting to me.

Ben Dan and Larry from that show? wouldn’t know what to do in a haunted situation to save their lives. Stupid meters and light particles, [“stupid voice” imitation] “oh hey I know! let’s shoot some night vision so everything looks pretty scary and suspect!” Idiots.

Sammy You don’t have to get hot about it.

Ben Oh, I’m just fine, Sammy. I’m simply saying, Mission Apparition is a dumb show Made by dummies For dummies.

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, please be sure to direct all your hateful tweets to @kingfallsam and we’ll make sure Ben answers each and every one.

Ben Get at me twitter! #bringit

Sammy *laughs* On a different note, we have a guest in studio with us tonight. She is a self-professed medium—

Olivia [slight South African accent] Miss Olivia DuPont. Heh, see I knew it was coming.

Sammy [laughing] You’re good Miss DuPont. So Ben tells me you emailed us in hopes of coming on the show?

Olivia I was very eager to come visit my favourite late-night AM talk show and maybe help some people with some closure along the way.

Ben Thanks Miss DuPont, we are happy to have you.

Olivia Oh, please call me Golden Owl. *Who-whoo who-whoo!*

Sammy Ummm…

Olivia *Laughs* What a hoot and riot, you should have seen your face Sammy. Please, call me Olivia.

Ben Ha. S- soo… um, you aren’t from King Falls, is that correct?

Olivia That is, I live a few towns over. Up in Big Pine. That’s where my shop is as well.

Ben I love Big Pine! I- I used to go camping there as a kid! It’s beautiful and so laid-back.

Sammy Laid-back? I didn’t know it got slower then King Falls!

Ben You’ll have to excuse Shotgun Sammy here, he’s a Big City guy.

Sammy Anyway, so how did you find out that you had this talent, Olivia? That you were a medium.

Olivia Oh, from a very young age. My parents were veterinarians and we lived in an apartment above their office, so I used to hear- so many lost souls. Day in and day out.

Ben Lost souls? Wh-why were these people hanging out at the vets?

Olivia [confused] People?

Sammy I’m sorry, Olivia. Maybe we’ve got our wires crossed here. We were under the impression that you were a psychic.

Olivia [firmly] Medium. Psychics are low life charlatans.

Sammy I’m sorry, a medium.

Olivia A medium is someone whose 6th sense is so in tune, so aware, that a bridge is made to the other side, in which we can communicate with our loved ones.

Ben Uh, but- but again why were the souls of people hanging out at your parents’ vet office?

Olivia *scoffs* What does this have to do with people, Ben?

Sammy Okay, this bridge that you’ve-you’ve built to the other side. Is it not for people?

Olivia [laughing] Heaven’s no!

Ben I’m lost.

Olivia Well I’m- one of a kind, I get human interference from- time to time, you know [long-suffering] a mother looking to reconnect with her kids, a brother that died in the war. Ugh. I ignore that. This is about our deceased loved ones. The furry kind, or feathered! or what-have-you.

Ben Wait. You talk to dead pets?

Olivia Harsh, but not incorrect Ben.

Ben [growing slightly frantic]Oh, no, see I-I-I booked you so we could talk about your gift and take some calls from the listeners, but—

Olivia We can take calls Ben.

Sammy So, to be clear, you have contact with human spirits and you just toss them to the wayside to talk to Fido.

Olivia *laughs* Anyone can talk to deceased humans, Sammy, especially here in King Falls. This place is beaming with activity- even the two of you could do it if you tried. But nobody talks to our long-lost pets.

Ben I’m sorry, this isn’t what we were looking for Miss DuPont.

Olivia Golden Owl. Hoh, excuse me boys *loud sigh* this one is coming on strong! MMMOOooo MMMrrrr… Moo. *loud sigh* Sorry boys,[solemnly] that was- that was a rough one. Cassie the Cow was crying out. She lived in one of those factory farms and she- *deep breath* was using me to tell the world about her last days in the Cowschwitz[sic].

Sammy Okay folks, we’re sorry. Just give us a minute or two so we can uh… So we can get this—

Olivia I seeee… a dog? forgive me- AAAOOOoo AWAWWOOooo ARAwwo *growls*

Ben [Irritated] Okay, I think we’ve heard enough.

Olivia Wolfington?

Ben This is insane.

Sammy [seriously] Wait. What color is the dog?

Olivia Black— oh a little-bit of brown. He looks like— a lap dog perhaps? Uhh…

Sammy A terrier!

Olivia Oh, of course, I can see it nowww. He’s just wagging his tail, so happy, chasing his ball- Oh! Ooh, he’s mounting your Teddy Ruxpin bear[1].

Sammy That’s him! Oh my gosh!

Ben [incredulous] Wolfington the terrier? Come oonnn.

Sammy That’s my dog, Ben! He ran away when I was in grade school.

Olivia Woof! RUFF! Ruff-ruff-rUFF! Oh. He wants you to know that he’s fine Sammy, Wolfington had a good life. He isn’t mad that you only ever shared your veggies at the dinner table.

Sammy [entreating] Heh, it’s all I could do little buddy! my mom was always watchin’!

Ben Sammy?

Sammy Uh, *clears throat* I mean, y-you know that’s- that’s good, that’s real good Olivia. Uh, thank you.

Ben What is going on here?! Snap out if it, Sammy, this is obviously a con. Facebook info- or something.

Olivia I seee—  [whispered] what is it? Is it a bird?

Ben [mocking]Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Olivia Is it a tiny… monkey? No— no no, dig deeper. Marsupial!

Ben You aren’t buying this, right?

Olivia I feeel a- a naame… Serendipity?

Ben [shocked] What the Hell?

Sammy Ben, you alright over there?

Ben I’m- fine. Um. Go on, Golden Owl?

Olivia Is it a… sugar glider!

Ben It is! Serendipity the sugar glider! Oh man.

Sammy You can’t be serious, Ben. Your parents bought you an exotic animal and the best name you can come up with is “Serendipity”?

Ben [defensive] It came already named, man, and No, for the record? we found it. There was a travelling zoo that came through the Falls. And the day after, my friends and I found a box, down at the fairgrounds, and inside? there was little Serendipity, looking back up at us.

Olivia He said he’s sorry that he couldn’t stay. He wishes he did, that mean man with the badge- well, [softly] and you know how that goes.

Sammy Uh, how what goes? What happened?

Ben [upset] I don’t want to talk about it.

Olivia He forgives you Ben.

Ben [forcefully] Golden Owl I said I’m done! Let’s Take some callers.

Sammy Ben, I’m sorry, but this seems like—

Ben [distressed] Why don’t you pry your fingers- into the open wound- of my heart, and dig it all out, Sammy? Sweet Jack in the Box Jesus.

Sammy … You’re right, I-I’m sorry Ben. Well, King Falls you’ve heard Serendipity’s story, now let’s hear yours. 424-279-3858. We are live with pet medium, Olivia DuPont a—

Ben Did he live a good life? Olivia? W-was he happy, like Sammy’s puppy?

Olivia Do you not know?

Ben Know what?

Sammy I’m so confused here.

Olivia Serendipity was a bit of an outlaw. Sugar Gliders are illegal to posses in the tri-state region because of the ’72 Sugar Flu outbreak.

Sammy Seriously, okay guys, I just pulled up Sugar Gliders on the googs, adorable!

Ben They were still illegal. My mom tried calling the travelling zoo but to no avail. And it wasn’t like I didn’t want to keep Serendipity, I loved the little guy but, one of my backstabbing “friends” from school said something to Bodenheimer … I-I don’t want to talk about this.

Sammy They took him away?

Ben Mrs. Bodenheimer did. She took him to the office, and I never saw him again. She said she was going to make sure he got back to the zoo, di-di-did he, Golden Owl?

Olivia MMEEEEOOOOOWWW MEOOOWWW *hisses* Sorry, a calico is summoning me.

Ben Cut the crap! What’s this about the man with the badge?

Olivia [nervously] O- of course I’ve just heard this second-hand. Ben— I mean who’s to say exactly- what happened? It- you know, it’s from a different perspective then we can understand.

Ben What happened?

Olivia Serendipity- bit the man with the badge on the drive and- was tossed out the window. Into the river. Then- eventually down the falls. *chitters and hisses*

Ben That son of a bitch, w-wha-who’s name was on that badge?

Olivia It’s murky. Hard to grasp. Serendipity is jumping from nether tree to nether tree- Oh! Oh! I think I have it. [straining] G. U. N. Oh, I can’t see- D?

Ben [angrily] I knnnew it.

Olivia Take it with a grain of salt Ben- I mean, it’s just one version, from [laughingly] a marsupial no less.

Ben He was an awesome. possum. I-I gotta step outside for a minute [chair squeak].

Sammy While Ben takes a little break, let’s take a few callers.[door closing] Give us a call King Falls. Let’s talk about your dearly departed, uh, pets.

Olivia I’m ready.

Sammy Line 4, you’re live with Sammy and Miss Olivia DuPont.

Troy Gosh darn it, Sammy, I’m really sorry to hear about Ben’s little buddy.

Sammy I’m sure he’ll appreciate the kind words Troy, I’ll be sure to pass them on buddy .

[police radio can be heard faintly in bg]

Troy [solemn] I’ve got a confession to make that I ain’t proud of. I… I was the reason for the demise of little Serendipity. Such a sweet little fella. I just didn’t know he get taken away, y’know? For good.

Sammy Wait. You’re the reason Serendipity was taken away?

Troy Ah hells bells Sammy, I was the one that rolled over on Ben but— I didn’t mean for the little furry guy to get taken away! It was just a real kerfuffle on this end.

Sammy This explains so much.

Troy Me and Ben was best buddies coming up, Sammy. I didn’t want to tell on him, but little Serendipity got frisky one day at lunch and sh[bleep] on one of the teacher’s Mexican pizza. Tough ol’ Bodenheimer cornered me ‘cause she thought he was mine. Ben ain’t never gonna forgive me and that’s deserved.

[door closing]

Sammy That’s all in the past Troy. I’m sure- someday –

Ben Sorry about that guys. Some-someday what?

Sammy Oh, uh- y-you know- we-we’re just taking calls from listeners right now Ben. On the line we’ve got- Troy.

Troy [mournful] Hey Ben. Man I was listening to the program tonight, when I heard Miss DuPont pontificatin’ about the dead animals and su—

Ben [Hastily] Now’s not the time Troy, especially from you!

Troy I’m hurtin’ something awful about Serendipity, buddy. How many times do I have to apologize to make it right?

Ben Loose Lips Sink Ships, Troy, the ship of friendship. Have fun on the SS Backstabber. [click, dial tone] Line 1, you’re live on King Falls AM. Prepare your tissues.

Ron Boys, I won’t keep you long. This question is for, Golden Owl? is that right?

Olivia Yes.

Ron Before my question ma’am, you might want to work on that name. It might just be me, but it sounds like a sophisticated lemon party for birds.Not that I’m against that sort of thing. Sh[bleep] even last night—

Sammy Ron Begley, ladies and gents.

Ron Alright I get it, enough foreplay. Brass tacks Miss Owl, how does it work if you didn’t particularly own the pet, but you saw it as a kid, grew up near it, fed it, maybe had a puff the magic dragon relationship with it.

Ben He wants to know if you can tap into your unending source of pain and find Kingsie’s parents. Maybe tell us how they were, harpooned by Japanese tourists in front of Kingsie as a baby and made into sashimi.

Olivia Mr. Begley I’m not sure if that’s really in my wheelhouse, but perhaps if you introduce me to this Kingsie you’re referencing?

Ron Well hell yeah! How can I get a hold of you to make an appointment?

Sammy All of Miss DuPont’s information is on our website Ron, or you can check it out on twitter at—

Ron Yeah yeah, @, ampersand, hashtag, underscore, exclamation mark dot dot dot King Falls dot net. Shut your sweet little trap Sammy! I got it! I’ll be in touch soon Golden Owl. [mildly exasperated] But seriously, work on that name

[click, dial tone]

Ben Other than, re-breaking everyone’s hearts, Olivia— what do you get out of this?

Olivia I’m sorry for the troublesome story, Ben. Not all of them -hardly any of them- end so badly.

Ben So I’m just the lucky one.

Sammy Ben—

Ben I’m so glad to hear that not everyone’s pet got thrown out of a moving car and into Peace river and down the falls by Sheriff damn Gunderson. That’s the silver lining, right?

Olivia If it’s true.

Ben [skeptical] You get a lot of lying cats and dogs in your line of work, Olivia?

Olivia [awkwardly] Not— to my knowledge.

Ben He did it.

Sammy Okay, let’s not go making accusations it could have been any number of deputies, maybe even from a different county, I mean who can say?

Ben [insistent] It was Gunderson, I just know it. He literally damn near spelled it out! Ask him to spell out the rest, Olivia.

Olivia He saysss, *sigh* Golden Owl, your business license is up for renewal, so don’t rock the boat?

Ben BULL!

Sammy *clears throat* Olivia, we’re gonna take another phone call here in a minute. Perhaps, uh, before that you could give us a light-hearted example of a run in with someone’s, uh, expired creature.

Olivia Well, there was this one encounter with Bruce the Stingray.

Sammy [incredulously] A stingray. Now, what’s a dead stingray got to talk about?

Olivia Well, Steve Irwin[2] for one.

[KFAM outro]

[Credits]

REFERENCES:

[1] Teddy Ruxpin - Teddy Ruxpin is an animatronic children's toy in the form of a talking 'Illiop', a creature which looks like a bear. The creature's mouth and eyes move while "reading" stories played on an audio tape cassette deck built into its back.

[2] Steve Irwin - “The Crocodile Hunter” was an Australian zookeeper, television personality, wildlife expert, environmentalist and conservationist. Possibly best known for the show “The Crocodile Hunter” (1996–2007), an internationally broadcast wildlife documentary series, which he co-hosted with his wife Terri. They also co-owned and operated Australia Zoo, about 80 kilometres (50 mi) north of the Queensland state capital city of Brisbane. Steve died on September 4, 2006, after being pierced in the chest by a stingray barb while filming in Australia's Great Barrier Reef.

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Ali: I nearly gave her a heart attack when I realised it was her Ali: like seeing a 🐅 in its natural habitat Ali: [imagine a hilarious selfie with a slightly bewildered old lady 'cos she's #buzzin] Ali: won't blame her beloved moggies but it is a bit of a mess Ali: party still tho, so come thru Carly: 😍😍😍 Carly: wtf @ her working there still shes like 400 Carly: not looking it from that angle tho 😘 Carly: where am i goin? Ali: she's the big boss lady Ali: 🤑🤑🤑 Ali: 'cept not, obvs Ali: it's a complete hidden 💎 Ali: hidden the operative, so just get to the main drag of the high street and I'll meet you 💚 Carly: yea?! aw love that for her & us Carly: scavenger hunts r so fun bye ma👋 Carly: ill bring mr darcy he's been trying to get in the hot tub all morning 😼 didnt have the 💜 to tell him hes not meant to like water Ali: exactly Ali: knew you'd get it Ali: won't blindfold you or nothing but maybe later Ali: awh, double date moment Ali: he's just tryna live up to his name is all Carly: 🔮 finds u baby or u find it Carly: ha ill make that maybe into a yea thats my 🔮 Carly: 💙🐅 & 💜🐈 aw cute Carly: thats why he's 😾 but 😽 yea? thats the 1 right? Ali: got it all in one, baby Ali: so smart Carly: my outfit choice gotta b some kind of 🔮 too 🌟 Carly: fate found me overalls like get ready bitch Carly: 🐇 Ali: ready to work and werk Ali: that's my girl Carly: ha Carly: can't have u looking like that & me Carly: idk but not 👼 level Ali: psh Ali: impossible Carly: ur a 🍑 Carly: but we're still honeymooning Ali: life's a honeymoon with you and me, doll Ali: neverending summer, yeah Carly: u kno Carly: any hot customers that come through the door better only have 👀 for the other 🐈 Ali: 🐈 gets 'em in the door, they gotta stay, and more importantly pay, for the bargains Ali: that's my business plan anyway Ali: not sure how she's rolling, only that she ain't rocking Carly: & no more breakages thats mine ha Carly: dont have the shakes today its k but will be weak at the knees when i see u 💙 sorry colleen Carly: make sure u catch me yea 👼 Ali: 'course Ali: you're far too pure to ever be a 😈 Ali: the universe and I will never let that happen Carly: ur too nice Ali: nah Ali: just what you deserve Ali: well, I try Carly: ur the real 💎 Carly: & im happy we found each other Ali: me too Ali: never gonna lose each other again Ali: trust Carly: the universe & i will never let that happen Ali: 💚 Ali: forever means forever Ali: do you want anything, I'm just killing time Carly: im goin nowhere baby unless its w you 💫 Carly: idk water maybe Carly: not v rock & roll but i reckon maybe youll like me anyway Ali: adventures only club 🌌 Ali: I know I'll love you dope Ali: water it is Ali: strictly straight-laced plain ole h2o, no hint of party Carly: 💙forever i kno Carly: ha wot r u planning to spike it w? 👀 u Ali: WISH I'd found some really retro pharmaceuticals in all those old bottles Ali: wonder how coke ages like Ali: fancy Carly: if we find any i'll be your lab 🐇 Carly: but not today im 😵 Carly: 💔😢 Ali: 😢 now I'm thinking about animal testing Ali: no cages either Ali: we got work to do Ali: but you can take it easy babe, sweet-talk like only you can Carly: omg no 😭 we have to free every 1 🐇🐀🐁 no cages ever! 😠 Ali: that's a job for tomorrow Ali: we'll need posterpaint and balaclavas Carly: cute Carly: i kno lads who've got some we can borrow Carly: & 💪 if we need it too Carly: or 🏎 for the getaway ha Ali: they've got their uses Ali: that's for sure Ali: can we convince 'em to dress up like 🦍s for the cause Ali: obvs 😘 Carly: i can Carly: u could but id b 💔😢 like Ali: but what about my 💔? 😏 Carly: ur protected by the 🔮💫 Ali: yeah Ali: and I protect you Carly: yea u do Carly: we dont need the lads Carly: ur a🐅 Ali: 😊 Ali: what's going on at the zoo tonight tho Ali: any parties we need to be a part of Carly: johnnos home thats always good til the garda wanna welcome him back too ha Ali: party poopers Ali: we'll be gone before then Carly: gone 🏃 or gone 🚀💊 Ali: little from column a little from column b Ali: don't wanna share you for that long Ali: and I'm defs not sharing our spoils, either Carly: k Carly: i kno u said this place was hard to find but maybe im outside? Carly: idk it 👀s right Ali: omg 🗺📌 Ali: I'm still in the tescos getting us some lunch Ali: called Calico Jacks Ali: which is SO perfect Carly: !!! Carly: i knew this was the place 🐈👑🏰 Ali: the universe WANTED us both to find it today Carly: omg its so cute in here Carly: idc that im sneezing Carly: i love it Ali: right? Ali: she has some amazing stuff Ali: it just needs sorting out so people can 👀 it all for what it could be, not necessarily what it is rn Ali: once we've bagsied the best bits for ourselves, naturally Carly: i'll tell her its the comedown so she wont feel bad Carly: omg i just found the cutest 🐻😍😍 hes joining us for tea Ali: totally making this a picnic moment Ali: you've gotta name him/her Carly: yay Carly: kettles on baby 💙 r u nearly here? Carly: mayb ill have thought of a name by then Carly: cant rush if he has to go by it forever Ali: faster than you can sneeze boo Ali: exactly, names are very important Ali: so 🍀 he gets to pick his own Carly: aw lucky is a good name Ali: perfect Ali: I wonder if we can find him a suitable tea time outfit Carly: 😊😊

[movedto-dazaipositive]

one guess where this started. couldn't have done it without @taggianto 💜 you.

CW: rape and resultant pregnancy; severe self-worth issues; mentally ill character with wrong ideas about what constitutes mental illness.

so, I've got a running headcanon that Kent's mom is alcoholic and she has ptsd.

rape & pregnancy TW // she was raped in college and that's how she got pregnant with Kent. she kept him out of choice, but she loves him no matter what

but that doesn't change the fact that she has ptsd and for many years while she was working 3 jobs to keep them alive and Kent on the ice, and she had to get through somehow. so she drank at home

and she wasn't ever really there for Kent. she couldn't be, between drinking and working. does Kent resent her? I don't think so. I don't think he knew it was even an option until he met the Zimmermanns and Jack

and saw the way they behaved with each other. but he loves his mom and he'd do anything for her. it's why he sticks with hockey even when it hurts–his mom worked hard to get him where he is, and he can't let her down now

but she crashes around the time Kent is 16/17. she's no longer got Kent around to survive for, and it really messes her up. and Kent watches Jack and his mom crash and burn, up close and from afar, and it fucks him up

like, bad. he can't stop thinking that it was him, that he's the reason they're the way they are. that he's the only thing they have in common and they're both–the way they are, and it must be him. it must be Kent

jack's OD breaks Kent, pushes him over the edge of a cliff he was already clinging to with his fingertips. he shuts down completely and only surfaces to a) send his mom to rehab with his first NHL paycheck b) and play hockey

he withdraws completely. cuts himself off from human contact at the exact time he needs it the most. he spends his rookie year with the Aces Captain, Patty, his wife and their two kids, barely holding on to his humanity

it's a good thing the team forces Kent out regularly, because otherwise he'd turn into an Actual Hockey Robot. it's not that he isn't friendly with them–he plays beautiful hockey and laughs and chirps with the rest of them, but there's something off about it. he's skittish and awkward, and he gets this look in his eyes sometimes, like he survived something awful but not really.

like he isn't all there. they worry about him. he's too small and too good at hockey and he needs someone to watch out for him

the first year, it's the whole team. all how-many-ever of them, looking out for Kent on and off the ice. the second year, Jeff comes to them

Jeff is...good with Kent.

Jeff's been playing on the NHL for a couple years, got drafted third or fourth to the Seattle Schooners. he's a good teammate, dryly funny, chirps that take a second to sink in. he plays good hockey, not as good as Kent, but good.

but he seems to know, instinctively, what Kent needs at any given moment

Jeff drags Kent into being social and actually, y'know, forming meaningful connections with other people by giving Kent puppy eyes until Kent agrees to hang out with Jeff and teammate of the week

and Kent, horribly unused to being someone people want to spend time with and nearly incapacitated by loneliness after a year of next to no human connection, says yes every time

and Kent is a person? under that weird obsessive hockey robot exterior? he's fun to hang out with. he's even funny. he's a bit a total dork and likes helping people and he always knows a good place to eat

so people on Kent's team start to seek his company even without Swoops around and Kent goes ? but he doesn't like to let people down or say no

Kent is still like, messed up inside. he doesn't sleep well and there are a lot of days when he won't get out of bed of he doesn't have to. but he's still trying

except... he's not trying to be better at Humaning for himself. he's doing it for Jeff and the people who depend upon him to show up and entertain their kids for two hours so they can go on a date

the only thing that's changed is the manifestation of Kent's chronic self-sacrificing and the people who receive it.

and Kent is honestly trying really hard and overcompensating for a year of not being a good Human Person so he swamps himself in helping people and overworks himself

and it's Jeff that picks up the pieces of Kent's dumbassery. it's Jeff that calls people to let them know that Kent has the flu, no they haven't been to the doctor yet, yes he's mostly okay he's puking right now, so no he can't come and take care of your kids Patty find a fucking babysitter you're a millionaire jfc

(Patty is kind of a dick)

Kent: [in between puking] but I promised

Jeff: shut the fuck up

Kent's bedridden for almost a week. he misses two games, both of which the Aces lose

it's during this week that Jeff realises just how fucked up Kent is, because in the middle of puking his guts out and shivering under six blankets he still finds time to blame himself for everything that goes wrong in that week. e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g. it's not really Kent's fault, being sick pulls down all walls that keep him from airing the constant internal monologue of self blame and loathing, but Jeff calls his cousin Rashmi and has a slight breakdown

well, I say slight. he nearly cries

Jeff needs to talk about how much Kent is hurting and omg I never knew im a terrible friend eeeee

she tells him to a) calm the fuck down b) don't take this so personally, you can't help him if you think you're the one to blame, he's doing that already c) here's a bunch of helpful links on how to deal when you think your friend might be mentally ill

Jeff tries to be subtle about bringing up the 'you might be mentally ill thing'. Kent, however, is not dumb. he catches on to this really fast, and panics hard. his only experience with mentally ill folks is his mom and Jack, and they are not a good place to start–both addicts who've been unintentionally emotionally abusive to Kent. Kent draws the best conclusion he can with this data pool. the conclusion is I am a horrible person who will soon be drug addict and hurt the people around me, whoops time to Shut Down

Kent [shutting down] I am a horrible person that deserves nothing good, ever. Jeff: nO Kent: I can't hear you over the sound of my self loathing Jeff: N O

and Jeff does not know how to deal with a Kent who's gone straight back to rookie year levels of skittish I-am-a-virus-don't-touch-me. the team, on the other hand, knows perfectly well how.

or, at least, they know how they dealt with it. but they're hockey players, with the combined emotional intelligence of a nail clipper, and when they tell Jeff about it he's horrified. so he figures out his own methods–he sticks as close to Kent as possible while not overwhelming him, and he does his best to be Supportive

it is difficult to be supportive when the person you are Supporting does not want to be supported. so he does his research, and hits upon the perfect solution

he goes to the local pet shelter and asks for the most unlikely to be adopted kitten, because he knows that Kent has a soft spot for hopeless things

they give him a three month old Calico, blind and almost certainly headed to a shelter without a no kill rule

Jeff: ......I'll take it

Kent is baffled and enchanted. Jeff really thought it'd be harder to sell this to Kenny, but Kent's holding squirmy, curious little kit, already babytalking to her, asking her if she knows what a pretty princess she is, yes you are, aren't you and Jeff has a second where he thinks Oh, shit

bc this more humanity and interest than Kent has shown in almost a month, and then Kent is turning to Jeff to ask him questions about raising cats that Jeff didn't even know were a concern, but clearly this is making Kent happy, so Jeff gives him a book he'd picked up at the recommendation of the volunteer at the shelter, and drives Kent helplessly to the pet store and watches as Kent buys cat shit off Amazon

Kent doesn't realise she's blind, at first. kit (Jeff named her) has large golden eyes that are permanently dilated. Kent only figures out she's blind when he's sitting on the floor watching her toddle around, and she keeps walking into his outstretched legs. Kent calls Jeff in a panic, asking him if he knows what's with kit's eyes, and Jeff thinks I knew I was forgetting something

and then he explains the situation to Kent, and Kent reacts exactly the way Jeff expected him to–with a sudden fierce dedication to kit, even more so than ten minutes ago when he would have died for her

Kent cat-proofs his house–he pours a lot of time and money into getting everything exactly right so Kit needn't suffer more than necessary. he lavishes Kit with all the love he's capable of–and he's always capable of a lot more love than he thinks–and makes sure that everyone coming to his house knows that one move that frightens Kit is more than enough to get them banned

so Kent pours himself heart and soul into loving kit. he spends every second he isn't on the ice taking care of his beloved baby princess

and it's incredibly healing. he knows he has to get up in the morning and come back after runs (not walk into traffic) and that he has to get done on the ice so he can come back to her

and it's incredibly healing. he knows he has to get up in the morning and come back after runs (not walk into traffic) and that he has to get done on the ice so he can come back to her

there's a period of like, six months, where the only reason Kent does anything at all is because kit needs him to. and he won't let himself think about how Jeff could also maybe take care of her. he won't.

his mom's rehab clinic is expensive but ridiculously intensive and extensive. it's almost 14 months of rehab and therapy and relearning hire to be a person without addiction, as well as working through whatever led you to seek addiction in the first place

Diana Parson comes out of it changed. she feels more like a person than ever before in her life. she feels whole, healed still, but so much better

so she goes back home, and Kent is in Vegas depressed as fuck, and his mom is in New York living for herself, and doing things she loves, and discovering herself outside of therapy

she comes back home at a time when it's incredibly difficult for Kent to do even basic things like have a conversation. so all through the season, he doesn't visit her and he can't even summon up the guilt.

and her therapist tells her it's okay, that he needs time too. and she loves him and she gives him the time she needs, but she also decides that she's stable enough to foster a child

which goes well! Lydia is 7 and slightly untrusting but Diana has patience and love and she's been reading and she's financially stable and she has time (ask things she didn't have with Kent). she has time to ask Lydia how her day went. time to play and talk and do bonding activities with just the two of them

and soon enough she and Lydia love each other so much! and they have rough times but they get through it.

the season ends. and the aces lose. and Kent is probably even worse than before. and someone suggests that since the aces will no longer be in town to make sure that Kent buys groceries/stays a person, hey you should go visit your mom!

so Kent, depressed and hating himself, gets to watch his mom get her big second chance

and he tries do hard not to be bitter but it's killing him. he keeps wondering what his life would be like if he were Lydia. if he had a financially stable supportive mom. and he can't blame his mom so he blames himself

he blames himself for needing more than she could give him. because she did her best and she raised a pro NHL player and he doesn't have any right to expect more

and one night it gets so bad that drives himself to Jeff's place

this would be okay but Jeff actually lives in Canada

he's just. in this place where Jeff is the only person that Kent knows won't hurt him

and he's so, so tired

and Jeff, chilling with his family, suddenly has an armful of distraught sleep-deprived Captain

and he's just like ......sorry I gotta take this

Kent knows where Jeff lives bc he's been there at least once before

and Kent just. breaks down. he cries for hours. and Jeff can't do anything except drag Kent up to his room and cuddle him while he cries and pet his hair. Kent cries himself to sleep, but he wakes up with Jeff wrapped around him and there's like, 14 seconds where he just feels safe and good because Jeff's there and hugging him in bed so something somewhere must have gone right

anyway Kent wakes up and gets dressed with Jeff hovering gently over him, knocking into him once in a while to make sure he's okay

(like when cats wind around your feet because they're excited to see you. except they might trip you up. the issue w Jeff is that he is Big)

he finds his phone in some weird corner of his car and plugs it in. and finds out that he has 200+ missed calls from his mom

because his mom doesn't have the numbers of any teammates she can call and she's been so worried and he feels Horrible for Being This Way

so he calls her. and she picks up on the second ring and she's been having panic attacks and flashbacks for 4 days and she doesn't remember parts of her therapy

so she yells at him. and Kent is still way too fragile to handle this but he also has to do this? and he just. panics

mother-son bonding via hyperventilating to each other on a phone line

but Jeff gets so mad on Kent's behalf, and pulls the phone out of Kent's hand and cuts the call.

but then he feels guilty so he sends her a quick text message to let her know that Kent is safe and he'll call when he feels better

and the next few days are just Jeff hugging Kent and Kent wearing Jeff's clothes everywhere because he didn't bring his own

and when they kiss it's just so natural? Kent stops hiding how much he wants Jeff. it's too much work. and Jeff is close to Kent almost all the time. and they're so stupidly in love that Jeff's older brother walks into them making out against the kitchen counter and moon walks back out

they make out for so long that every member of Jeff's family sees them and walks back out.

[unconventional-hero]

Chapter 19: The Epilogue

Written by “The Countess”

Originally titled “Chapter IX” 

* * * * *

A weary, weary stretch of five years. Again we see the dusty lane leading up to the Tucker cottage in Bozeman. Again we see Mrs. Tucker, arrayed in the identical blue calico gown she wore when last we saw her. Again we hear the soft lowing of the cows, catch the faint fragrance of the roses over the door; again, -- but no! this is not the Betty we knew five years ago!

A pale, handsome woman of twenty-five, in a tea-gown, simply made and gay with rose-buds, a full-blown rose at the crossing of her kerchief over her breast-- a rose typical of her own full-blown beauty. No, it is not the same Betty. The years have brought many changes to her. Her very voice is different.

“Mother,” she says, coming to the door and slipping an arm around Mrs. Tucker’s ample waist, “you don’t see Jack coming, do you? I hate to have Algernon out so long. Oh, there the come! How Jack loves him.” She rushes down the road, regardless of the dust and throws her arms about her husband’s neck. Yes, it is the same Jack-- a trifle thinner and with a few gray hairs perhaps-- but who is the little prince who walks at his side, his golden curls floating about his head like a halo, his serious brown eyes suddenly lighted at sight of the pretty woman in the tea-gown? She stoops and kisses him, while Jack puts an arm about each. Mrs. Tucker, in the doorway, wipes the tears from her eyes at the charming tableau.

“Algernon Montmorenci Morningstar, you rogue, where have you been?” Betty asks, untying his hat.

“Oh, ‘way off, mamma. Papa took me to see the place where Black Bess threw little Clyde. Wisht Bess wuz a’livin’ now. I like wild horses. Ever’-thing wild. I tame ‘em!”

“Oh, Betty, he’s your own son. He’s afraid of nothing. And think how well the boy has held up for a three-year-old. He’s been walking around all afternoon.”

“Papa rested lots. I don’t like to rest,” asserts Algernon eagerly.

“Supper’s ready!” Mrs. Tucker calls and they find themselves in the kitchen, where, five years ago, Betty listened to Jack’s recital of his woes, and was even pleased at his avowal of his love for Clyde. Oh, the change that the years bring to us! Here she was, Jack’s wife, the mother of Jack’s child, home for the first time since she went to New York to defend him. She had married him the week after broken-hearted Clyde had left with her rascally husband for England. Jack had confessed that he was sorry he had been so morbidly romantic. He had said, “I might as well have loved a star as Clyde, but you, Betty, are tried and true, and will make me the dearest little wife in all the world-- if you’ll have me.” And Betty had promised to marry him the next day and she kept her word. That very night they had heard of Mr. McClure’s suicide. Desperate at last, unable to face the world after his failure, disgraced by his daughter’s secret marriage, irritated by his sister’s constant fault-finding, the poor man had ended it all by one shot through his broken heart.

Miss Dorothy had died in Betty’s arms a year ago-- a miserable, semi-idiotic invalid, who had never recovered from the shocks that had fallen upon her so heavily. She had been cut by all her former friends-- only Jack and Betty had remained true-- they had even given her a room in their handsome suite in a Fifth avenue tenement house, and she had been as grateful at the end as Dorothy Jennings could be. And in her occasional moments of rationality she had told Betty that she should not lose anything for all that care. So in a will Miss Dorothy had made one day with no legal help and with only Jack and Betty as witnesses, she had given all her personal property-- her elaborate costumes and what remained of her nice large fortune to Betty as a reward for “her faithful services.” The McClure and Jennings diamonds, which she held intact, she desired to go to Clyde, “if she ever reputed” and to Betty’s baby, if Clyde should die or never be heard of again. Her family pride never deserted her a moment.

Jack had been prosperous after all. Very little of his fortune had been really lost and by fortunate speculations he was soon classed among the wealthy men on Wall Street. His marriage and the birth of his son had restored all his old cheerfulness, and now, at thirty, he is sanguine and contented.

“It was all a waste of time to track Jim Paxton. No one will ever catch him but the devil, as I’ve often told Mis’ Barkalow,” says Mrs. Tucker, pouring a cup of rich cream for Algernon Montmorenci, who, by the way, bears the name of one of his mother’s favorite heroes. “And laud, how I’ve missed you two!”

“But you’ll go home with us in September, mother,” Betty cries gayly. “It is so pleasant in New York in the winter and you will meet new friends, the Reynolds, the Raymonds and the Duttons. I’m going out in society next winter, we’re getting quite popular, and I know I’ll enjoy it. Mrs. Landhurst is my best friend. You’ll like her so well, mamma dear. Last winter I couldn’t go any where on account of Miss Jennings and the winter before Algernon was sick so long but we’ve bought Mrs. Stewart’s house now and I’m going to be just as gay as you please.”

She laughs and is taking the rose from her breast to toss to Jack when a timid knock is heard at the door. Betty runs to open it. In the early twilight she does not at first recognize the beautiful face raised to hers. A black dress shows off the marble whiteness of the woman’s complexion to wonderful advantage. Two or three golden curls escape from the folds of her black bonnet. She extends an ungloved hand, and stares intently at Betty’s face.

“Come right in,” calls Mrs. Tucker from the table. “Supper’s just ready.”

“Is-- is this Mrs. Jack-Morningstar?” the woman on the doorstep asks, chokingly.

“Yes.-- Why, can it be possible? Jack, here is Clyde,-- I mean Lady Paxton!”

Jack rises hastily, almost overturning Algernon’s chair, and Mrs. Tucker, anxious to see the fair cause of all Jack’s trouble follows him to the door.

“Don’t be afraid,” Clyde says in a soft voice. “Jim is not here. I left him in Livingston. We are traveling with a theatrical party. I am leading lady and Jim is manager. I came-- because-- I thought I should like to see some one I used to know, even if my husband did wrong you both. We only stopped in New York one day. You know we have no pleasant recollections of it. So I only stayed long enough to visit poor papa’s grave and find where Aunt Dorothy is buried. You were very kind to her. I read all about it in the papers I got from New York and the European edition of the ‘Herald’. I want to tell you both that I will do any thing in my power for you. You are rich, they say, so you will not accept money but I mean to make it all right some time. Believe me, you have neither suffered as I have!”

Her voice sobbed into silence and Betty, her bright eyes filled with tears, caught her about the waist and drew her into the house.

Jack’s child crept up to her and laid a chubby hand on her arm as she sat near the table, having refused to partake of the meal.

Clyde lifted him up and kissed him.

“I had a child too-- but-- it-- died.” She sighed wearily and idly stroked Algernon’s curls.

Mrs. Tucker, who had been eagerly watching the visitor from behind the coffee urn, suddenly interposed, “That brute! I s’pose he’s broke your heart, too! Why don’t you leave him?”

Had lightning struck the place it could scarcely have been more startling in its effect on Clyde than these words.

She rose indignantly, stood a moment confronting them all and cried boldly, “He is my husband and come what may, I love him and shall adore him to the end!”

Turning abruptly, while the rest watched her in amazement, she was about to leave when Jack, speaking for the first time, exclaimed, “The diamonds, Betty! Tell her about them!”

Clyde’s eyes flashed with interest. “What diamonds?” She asked in a changed tone. So Betty told her of the bank in New York and of Miss Dorothy’s will.

“Keep them--” began Clyde with her old childishness-- “But no-- I will take them because-- he would wish me to!”

[inthenighthours]

This is for @comtessedebussy​

Written on a mobile keyboard and only slightly edited, as usual. A rough draft of a scene that may or may not make it into a fic. Feel free to read but you’re not getting any context. Ha.  

(Jack:) “Thomas! You haven’t spoken to me since you said you were going to break into the house, I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere. Holy shit, Thomas - ” he paused and looked over to James. “Thomas, are you alright? what's going on?”

“It’s alright, we’re getting breakfast,” Thomas answered. “But, you broke into his house?” he asked, confused. “Wait, did you spend the night? Thomas-” “Well, yes. It’s complicated,” Thomas answered. “When is it not with you? Of course, you two know each other,” Jack exclaimed. James raised an eyebrow. “Hey Jack, what’s going on.” Charles Vance appeared out of the restaurant, then focused on James and Thomas. “Oh. It’s you.” “Charles, I’m sure you know James McQueen and Thomas Harper. It appears they know each other,” Jack informed him. “Yes, I remember McQueen.” Charles stared at James. “Never got the chance to thank you for that Spanish gold find. You left so quickly.” They both paused, staring, and Thomas raised an eyebrow.   “Wait, Spanish gold? Are you two hunting Flint’s treasure together?” Jack interrupted, turning to Thomas. “Didn’t those guys get Captain Flint’s treasure? Isn’t that how the story goes?” “Apparently,” Charles responds. “There was more left even after that. Though who knows how many times that story was retold.” “So it could still be out there?” Jack asked. Charles shrugged in response. “Given all the inaccuracies in that children's tale, which is likely far from the truth of the matter,” James began, finally speaking, the anger in his voice evident. “There is no telling what the real story is, and whether John Silver ever knew where that treasure was buried. Besides, that treasure, wherever it may be now, has never brought anyone anything but pain.” “The madman here has a point, if all the stories about that cursed gold I've heard are at all true, it's best if we leave it alone,” Charles added. “What stories?” Jack asked. “Well, to start, no one does know what became of Flint, perhaps these two do but it’s not public knowledge. Some say he died there on the island with the gold and never told anyone where it was. His ghost roams the island and haunts anyone who even considers searching for the gold, driving them mad.” James shot him a look, but Charles continued anyway. “Then of course there's the curse. Again no one knows what truly happened or if the gold is just at the bottom of the ocean, the tales have been passed on from pirates to merchants and fishermen and onto their children, getting twisted in the process. Some say that anyone who touched or handled that gold was doomed to die a terrible death, or even a thousand deaths, while others say they'd never die. None of which makes sense, but the story is that there is a curse and that one pirate film was based on those stories.” “Really? A curse, Huh. I guess that explains these two,” Jack said. “Never thought you were one to believe in that stuff, Charles.” “Well, I know my treasure. Look at it this way, everyone who handled that gold at one point or another, directly or indirectly, died before their time. Charles Vane and calico Jack hung, Anne Bonny having to disappear into obscurity. Eleanor Guthrie dead and forgotten by history like Max, who Thomas here wrote of who we don't even had a full name for! Flint’s crew was killed almost in entirety, Flint himself disappeared completely and maybe he was the one who started the curse, he was rumoured to have been married to a witch-” “He had a boyfriend, if what little Thomas has told me about his research is true. Perhaps he was the reason for everything,” Jack interrupted. “Well perhaps he had both,” Thomas added. He smiled at James, but Thomas could tell this conversation wasn’t doing him any good.

“Does it matter? All those stories, retold many times, twisted and distorted to fit a narrative,” James said sternly. “Bedtime stories, meant to frighten children,” he added, trying to calm his tone.   “So then the gold is worth looking for?” Jack asked, his eyes lighting up. “Certainly not. That gold, if it does exist, should stay firmly in the ground and never be touched. Too much blood was spilled over it.” James replied.

“Well I imagine these two know more of the story than I do.”  Charles adds, trying to avoid James’ rage. “It might be an interested no thing to look into, perhaps either of you might want to—” Charles began then stopped at James gaze. It was clear that this topic would move no further, and Thomas was relieved. “Come on Charles, looks like he's claimed that treasure for himself, no way anyone's finding that island.” Jack walked further away but Charles stayed put.

“Thomas,” he began. “How would you feel about going out on a dig sometime? I could always use someone with your attention to detail on my team.”

“Oh, that would be interesting,” Thomas replied. “And I see you’ve read my book.” Thomas hadn’t pegged Charles Vance, treasure hunter, to be one for reading, yet he got through Thomas’ book in four days.

“Yes, Jack had it lying around, it was fascinating. I'll be in Austria excavating a Roman camp this fall. They say Marcus Aurelius wrote parts of his books there.” He started searching his jacket pocket, pulling out a small case. “Here, my card, give me a call if you'd like to join.” He handed it to Thomas. “You too, by the way.” He glanced over to James.

“Well, I’m flattered. I’ll have to make sure I’m not teaching a class.” Thomas put the card away. He tried not to seem to excited, but he’s always wanted to see some ruins, but never had the time or money to travel.  

“So tell me you really broke into his house? Twice?” Charles asked, motioning towards James. “I did.” Thomas responded, drawing his attention back to his concern for James. “I'm impressed, I've climb into tombs and some supposedly cursed ancient burial grounds and yet that's one place I'd stay away from.” He cast a sideways glance at James. “So tell me, what do you have over him, a writer and you're not in the slightest scared of James fucking McQueen.” “Well I am taller than him.” Thomas smiled. They both laugh, but Thomas looks over to James who was waiting patiently with a neutral expression across his face.

“I am curious, what was it that you two found? Must have been some adventure,” Thomas asked Charles. “Mostly an awful lot of fighting and running through rain and swamps to find some stolen gold. Then this guy here didn't even want to keep a penny of the gold for himself. Perhaps he thought it was cursed after all, you'll have to ask him about it.” Charles nods over to James. “Otherwise, I'm afraid there's some other details McQueen might not like me to share.” Thomas raised an eyebrow and looked back at James. He could see the anger start to show on his lover’s face.

“I did learn one important thing though, that there are in fact some things that James McQueen is afraid of,” Vane continued, a smug grin forming on his face.

“Fuck you Charles,” James walked forward to stand beside Thomas.

“Hey, you can, if you’d like. The offer still stands,” Vane teased.

Suddenly Thomas realized exactly what had happened between them. He considered for a moment that perhaps he was still asleep in his Savannah hotel room right now and this was all some sort of dream. Then again he didn’t think he could have dreamed up this exact combination of events.

“Am I right to assume-” Thomas stares at the two of them, finding himself at a loss for words, something that never happens. “You two? Really?” He switches his gaze between them, Charles grinning and James looking furious, already standing defensively, ready to fight.

“If I left not I don’t know if you two are gonna fuck or kill each other!” Thomas walked over to James, putting a hand on his shoulder. He felt James ease slightly at the touch, relaxing his posture just a bit.

“Hey, you’re welcomed to join, if you think we need supervision,” Charles responded.

“Enough,” was all James said.

“Well, I have breakfast plans of my own to get to,” Charles said, turning towards the cafe Jack had disappeared into earlier. “Do call me, Thomas.”